93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Butt-weisers

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

Originally Aired February 3, 2026: Entertainer C. Willi Myles. Random celebrity encounters. Everything you wanna know about grandma's cabin.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-Hadhaffast morning show. Ninety-19. Right with Chuck, Chuckers, it's Groundhog Day. Well, it's Groundhog Day. Again.

View that energy, that's Groundhog Day energy out there. Cleavage, when it first pops out, like, late March, early April. It's almost like Groundhog's Day. It's like, ah, it's going to be an early spring. The big question on everybody's lips. Yeah, their chap lips. On their chaps. Clips.

Do you think Phil's going to come out and see his shadow? Showtime. The old Groundhog Day gimmick. I love the movie. Never really cared for the actual bit where they drug and physically abuse an animal for our entertainment. But anyways, I ought to go ahead and welcome everybody into the mix. If this bit has caused you to question whether or not you're losing your mind, you're not. You're fine.

I feel worse for the podcasters. You know, we did this before. We had fun. We were two days in a row. We did the Groundhog Day bit. But people, I kind of forgot about this aspect. People text and are like, hey, A-Hole, I thought something for sure was wrong with the podcast app. You guys posted the wrong podcast.

We once replayed just the entire show from the day before. That's a genius level of laziness. Yes. Uh-huh. That's taking the bit too far. I didn't think so. It was great. We just loaded it in the show from yesterday and went to Cousies and had breakfast.

I was feeling, huh? I was going to ask how many days you thought you could get away with that. We just stretched it the one. We thought the one might have been too far. We even questioned, should we just go back and kind of restart his show and actually do something? We said, yeah, it's kind of funny. I think you should have went back. Yeah.

Man, well, I feel terrific. I'm sure I'm not alone. In feeling fabulous this morning, I'm going to be coughing all over everyone and everything again today. I apologize. I think it's getting me too. And I mean, I have no chance. My son was homesick yesterday. You're sick.

Although I'd imagine if you have pneumonia or something, which is going around, you're probably not contagious at this point. I have no idea. I'm trying to remember. My son had it a couple weeks ago, and I think she said it's kind of like a lot of stuff, right? We're at the beginning. Your son had it and she said? The doctor. Oh, see what I'm saying?

No. You don't? Mm-mm. Oh, God. Um, it's going around you, you were saying. Yeah. God dang. I got to get to something right away, though.

I'm very excited to share this with you, despite the way I'm feeling. The Jay Cutler bit is one of my favorites around here. In case you're new to this operation, if we give something the Jay Cutler treatment around here, that means we don't care. Like, for example, if Josh said, hey, I had a pizza pie this weekend with cauliflower crust. And I really liked it. Let me tell you all the great things about cauliflower crust on a pizza pie. If you deep down just didn't want to hear it, you could say, dude, Jay Cutler. And why, former NFL quarterback?

I thought maybe that would prompt you to want to tell your cauliflower crust story. Oh, well, I didn't want to interrupt. No. I don't even have a cauliflower cross story, so I don't know what you're talking about. I love cauliflower cross. Oh, you do? I wouldn't try something like that and then text Nick about it. I apologize.

It tastes like almost exactly the same. There's no difference. I'm a little ashamed of how I reacted to you over the weekend when you texted me to tell you, that doesn't make any sense. You texted me to tell me that you enjoyed a pizza with cauliflower crossed. I'm a little ashamed to admit my response. because it was harsh. It was.

I could paraphrase it, but do you have the exact response? I think I can. And actually, well, I'll let you tell what it is, and then I can explain what happened afterwards. I can find it. Yeah, maybe share the exchange. Yeah, it's not far away. Here it is.

This was what, Saturday, Sunday afternoon, Josh texted me and said, I don't want to upset you, but I had a cauliflower-crust pizza, and I liked it. And again, this was the liquor talking this was the sickness talking

deep down I don't think I really meant any of this but my response to Josh texting and telling me that he enjoyed a pizza with cauliflower crust I wrote back I hope you die oh my gosh and that nearly killed me

I forgot what I said after I can't remember if I was drinking or eating something he said you were drinking a root beer yeah there you go when you read the and you choked on the there was a lack of oxygen to your brain for a few seconds. And so I almost killed you. Yeah, it almost came true.

So the Jay Cutler bit, why, again, in case you're new to all this, why and how former NFL quarterback Jay Cutler is linked to general disinterest is such a fun story. Dana helped me out. I'll try to go ahead with it. Interrupt me if you have to. You had a buddy who ended up in the pisser. in the same pisser as former Chicago Bears, Denver Broncos quarterback, Jay Cutler. It wasn't a buddy of mine. This is a famous story on the internet.

Oh, a famous story. Yes, and I think I had heard it, but I'm not sure. Basically, the gist of it is, it was a brunch spot in Chicago, the offseason. Jay Cutler's there wearing sweatpants and a white t-shirt, being disinterested as he normally is, the same vibe he gave off on the sidelines. and the guy who tells the story who's in the bathroom, waiting in line for the pisser, and the guy in front of him

goes up and takes a leak in the urinal next to Jay Cutler, and he starts telling a story, oh, hey, you know, I went to Vanderbilt the same time as you did. And then Jay just cuts him off by leaning his head back in the air and yelling,

don't care! Sounds like he had enough that day. Yeah. I love that story. I can't get enough of it. And I enjoy the fact that, It's ingrained in our morning show. If you don't care about something,

you can directly do the loud don't care, or you can just say Jay Cutler, and everyone knows what you mean. Yeah, save some oxygen. And I was excited to share this with you. I was reading something about celebrity encounters. OMG. You ran into a wildly famous person out in public, right? The thrill of it all.

People have been writing about celebrity encounters. encounters. And they went into which celebrities were the self-absorbed dicks, which ones were generally nice people. Well, someone in this year conversation brought up an encounter with actor John Cusack. Boy, he's been doing his thing since he was just a damned kid. If my memory serves me correct, I think the first time I saw John Cusack in a motion picture, Cubby, I think it was in 1984, and the movie was called 16 candles. That's a good one. And he went from there.

I mean, someone tell me, I can't think of John Cusack's biggest pictures, but he's been doing it for years and years and years since he was a kid. Oh, better off dead. We both enjoyed that one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in Stand By Me. Say anything. Oh, very briefly in Stand By Me.

Oh, yeah, say anything. Oh, God, say anything. I like that movie. I love that movie. Oh, my. Anyway, someone talking about celebrity encounters ran into John Cusack, and they said this. They were outside a restaurant. Outwalks John Cusack, and this individual says, hey, Mr. Cusack, I like your movies.

And John Cusack spun around and said, I don't care. I love him now. That's freaking beautiful You like that one, Ashley? Yes. I don't care. I just like his vibe in general. I just love that guy.

He doesn't come across as a guy that would be a dick to somebody like that. So that's what kind of makes me like it. You know what? He kind of does, though. Does he? I don't know. I guess I've just seen him in too many of romantic comedies.

I think the guy's a dick. Oh, people are reminding me now of John Cusack movie. Sure. Hot tub time machine. Oh, yeah. That's his best. I've never seen it. No offense to the movie, I just was beat.

It has that, who's that cute little nerdy kid? Oh, the guy who's that in the office? Yeah, I love that guy. Now I got to look this up. John Cusack started so young again. And I believe he started with 16 candles. There might have been some other, you know, little garbage. Yeah, there was a garbage one ahead of that, maybe even two.

But, yeah, in the 80s. better off dead yeah briefly in stand by me oh okay eight men out the baseball movie sure 1988 there's the say anything nightmare wow yeah but he didn't oh uh pulp fiction why am i not picturing who he might have played in well i don't remember him in that either no oh sorry it says here he declined a role for the movie pulp fiction he would have been great in that he was going to to play the role that Eric Stoltz ended up taking as the hippie drug dealer. Okay, anyway, oh, gross point blank, he played a hitman. But I dig that.

Like your movies, dude, don't care, bro. That would kind of hurt a little bit. Would you be hurt by that? Well, yeah, if I was a huge fan or something like that. Maybe he was joking around. Yeah, what do you say after that? Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I do like them.

Maybe you lash out. Yeah. I think you should lash out. Start freaking out. Yeah, well, F you when I was joking. I never liked any of your friggin' movies. You're a bum. And you're ugly.

Yeah, and you're uglier than ass. I love you. Look at you. I lashed out at Hootie and the Blowfish. Oh, yeah. I lashed out at them. I didn't care for Hootie and the Blowfish. Not at all.

Matter of fact, I hated them. Quite a bit, because when my brother would get drunk when we were 20, 21 years old, he would either turn on Hootie and the Blowfish or that God-Forsaken Blind Melon song, No Rain. And he wouldn't let anyone near the stereo. So for hours on end, we were tortured by Blind Melon and Hootie and the Blowfish when we were young and drunk. So I grew to hate Hootie and the Blowfish. Saw him on the sidewalk once. My wife and I were walking around New Orleans, Louisiana.

I didn't care for him, but my wife said, Oh, my God, it's hooty in the book. First wife? Yes, sorry. You're exactly, Josh. Thank you. First wife. This is 1997 or 98.

And my wife said, oh, m.g. It's hooty in the blue. Do you think that they'd stop and take a pin? And I said, I'll walk up and ask them. So I said, would you guys mind taking a, my wife really likes here? And they said, take the picture while we're walking, dude. We don't stop for anybody. What a prick.

Jerks. And I said. I would have tripped them I said it's just the two of us It's me and my wife Nobody else has recognized you As Hooty and the Blowfish In case you're concerned

About a riot kicking in And the safety Of the general public It's just me and my wife Just because you guys stop For four seconds You'll be fine Take the picture while we're walking, dog

Jeez Ew So you know what I did I turned into an 11 year old Ashley Yeah did you come a bitch I said well a few bitches You guys suck. Yes.

Yeah, that's what I did. Here are some of the other positive, or pardon me, let's start with the negatives. Back to this report on celebrity encounters, people talked about the good and the bad. We were talking about John Cusack. That wasn't good, according to one person. The other folks that, the other celebrities that folks lit up, Diana Ross. Jesus, what is she? What's she doing?

Is she 90 years old now? I think she's earned the right to be crabby at this point. His old age has made her crabby. Yeah. Jared Leto, Jennifer Lopez. Well, God, we... Oh, yeah, I've heard bad things about Jennifer Lopez. I don't want to say anything too bad about Jennifer Lopez.

Christ, she's one half of the Wolves ownership team now. I want to get some tickets someday. Yeah, you say bad things about her in this town. You might be banned from Target Center. And I don't know who Jenna Fisher is. That surprises me. Jenna Fisher from the office. She plays such a sweet woman on the office.

I was surprised to see her. Oh, yeah. She's Jan on the office. I don't want to know. I'm sorry, Pam on the office. And then they mentioned again with this Jared Leto, and then Josh and I could tell you that we had the absolute opposite experience with Jared Letto. But, you know, these are first time encounters.

Everyone gets in a pissy mood. Now, we really like that guy. Jared Leto was one of the nicest celebrities I've ever met, like by far. Maybe we caught him on a good day, I don't know. Yeah, Nick was right too. Everybody can get in a pissy mood and stuff. And like Alan Iverson has a famous quote once where he said, you know, listen, I could sit here and I could stand outside the arena

and sign a thousand autographs. But if I don't sign a thousand and one, I have to cut off at some point, that person's going to think I'm a dick. Right. What was the great line? Neil Pert, the late drummer from Rush, in the song, Lymlight. I love that line that he wrote for the song Limeleit, where he says,

I can't pretend a stranger is a long-awaited friend. It makes freaking sense. Yeah. You know, some people they expect when you see your favorite rock star and you say, oh, Chad Kroger, they expect the guy to just to be, oh, wow, it's you. They don't know who the hell you are. Yeah. And you might be nuts, you know, you got to give them a little friggin' bit of grace.

I bet Chad's super cool in person. I bet he used to. I met him a number of summers ago at the State Fair. Was he? It was, oh, they were all wonderful guys. Yeah, the whole band seems like they're nice dudes. Here are the positive encounters that people had with celebrities. Jack Black, Harrison's Ford, Justin Bieber, John Travolta, Dolly Parton.

Oh, I can't imagine Dolly Parton ever being in a bad mood even. Yeah, that makes me happy. Harrison Ford, you know, he seems like a good guy, but he also seems like he could eviscerate you with his words if he wanted to. He can be very grumpy in interviews I've seen. He does not like talking about Star Wars. Harrison Ford is a punk. He ain't no punk.

He needs a punch in the mouth is what he needs. Really like Jack Black, but it was unfortunately one of the worst interviews we've ever had. Oh, is you just disinterested? Oh, yeah. He and Kyle Gas. Yes, Kyle Gass just kind of talked to each other about nothing that was going on on the show. Were they in studio or was one of those

like they're satellite making the rounds on different, okay, yeah. Those are always tough. Yeah, I hear you. Harrison Ford, I swear to God, I had another direction I was going to go here now, but I forgot. The sickness has led me to forget. Oh, yeah, like you said, Dolly Parton. The only time, the only person she doesn't want to run into, Josh, is that Jolene.

Then you'll see the real Dolly. Outside of work-related things, I'm trying to think if I've ever ran into a celebrity just walking around. I can't think of one time. Not too often. I mean, a couple wrestlers for sure for me, but that's kind of about it outside of work. Most people that I know, if they do run into somebody like that, it's somebody coming into their work or they're at the airport. Oh, yeah, the airport's big. A friend of mine saw Brian May at the airport, and I was very, very jealous.

Wow. He said he was incredibly nice. I'm sure. He's a true gentleman. That would cause me to probably tremble a little bit in the presence of Brian May. Here's a listener texting in saying Chris Catan was an ass. No, we're talking about celebrity encounters. I guess back in my big bar going days of my 20s,

I'd run into a bunch of professional athletes, like local athletes at bars and stuff, but that's not that big of a deal. I suppose that's the only one. I've ran into Brett Burns once. Oh, nice. At a pot belly sandwich shop, and he was wearing a wild t-shirt.

Of course he was. Brent Burns. Yep. I was I have a hard time recognizing people in public. Like, I never assume I'm going to run into celebrities. Sometimes I don't even realize. I got a. buddy who has an eye for it's unbelievable he'd be like hey dude look over there in the corner of the bar

i'm like yeah what he goes that's a viking's special team or so and so i'm like how do you know that how do you recognize that guy yeah i would i'm sure there's been times where i've been out and about and i've at least been in the vicinity of a professional athlete of some sort but i would never ever know that i don't know what anybody looks like it's tough to know what it's tough to know what a lot of them really look like unless they're hockey players or basketball players Yeah, football, I wonder. I suppose baseball, too. I run it, unless it's like one of the bigger stars, I, you know, I live in Egan,

and so I'm right by the facility there where the Vikings practice, and there's dudes that look like professional athletes see run around, but I wouldn't know what they're, you know, not wearing their jersey or coming. Franco Harris. Being so close to that, do you ever try to, like, get them to run into you? Me? Yeah. No.

Like, oh, no. I got hit by somebody with a wambo. Oh, like that. Oh. Yeah. You know, I see Josh Mattelis' car every once in a while. Do you? Yeah, he's got a distinctive vehicle.

I bet he does. Social media. Josh Mattelis? Yeah, he must live next to us. What does he do for a living? He's a Viking. Oh. He's the dude on, he does a lot of their social media.

He's very funny. The Telas with Mattis bit, we've played some of that before. Seems like a good guy. Yeah, Franco Harris eyeballed me. You're right, the airport. Franco Harris eyeballed me at the airport like he wanted to fight me. I don't know why to this day I just I text my wife because my son

and I'm not a huge Timberwolf fan I watch a couple games a month and he is my wife is too he ran into a Timberwolf I've never heard of and I forgot to text you and he saw him at the Mall of America and took a picture with him and I thought how did you recognize that guy aside from being incredibly tall but how did you know who it was he knew exactly who it was

this was recently yeah just maybe a month ago or so I'm texting her I'm sure you know I mean, you watch all the games, but it wasn't a name I was familiar with. Yeah, what a thrill to run into your. Yeah, now that you bring it up, Josh, I'm trying to come up with random celebrity encounters, you know, not having to do with our occupation here, not having to do with, um, sorry, the radio show. Airport.

That's where it happens. That's a big one. I remember being at the airport 30 years ago. Got to be at this point, just shy of 30 years ago. And KG, Kevin Garnett, and Stefan Marbury were playing for the Timblewell. And there was some rumors going around town that the two of them weren't getting along very well. This was very well known. And I was going somewhere hanging around at the airport.

and Kevin Garnett got off of a plane, starts walking. And people, of course, he was playing here in town for a couple years at that point. People instantly, hey, KG, everybody's all over him. And one little kid, tiny little kid, is trying to talk to KG. He's basically talking to KG's shin, right? Yeah. And KG's up, way up, signing autographs and saying hi to people. And finally, Kevin notices this tiny little kid tugging on his,

pant leg and KG gets down into the catcher's position and he's like what's going on little man how are you and the kid says is Stefan Marbury your best friend cute and I watch I watch KG's face to see if he would show how that question affected him you know what I mean because there were all these rumors that they did not like each other and KG said something like oh yeah you know you know whatever he kind of he didn't ruin it for the kid adorable Is Stefan Marbury, your best friend? Does it count? I thought of another one.

I'm not going to make it. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. You thought of another one. But I don't know if this counts from like a cross, basically the entire mall. I saw Shaquille O'Neal surrounded by security who's a lot smaller than them. Does that count? No.

He was like at a store opening or something. No. I was just trying to explain this. Pretty cool, though. I was hoping maybe I could say something that. Might make you say we have a chance of becoming good friends, me and Shaq. You don't want to be friends with Shaq after what he did with that toothbrush. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

You two would spend the weekend together in Duluth or something, and he would do something terrible to you. Just when you think the two of your friends, he would do something terrible. Actually, when you mentioned toothbrush, I had a terrible incident with a toothbrush. On Friday, I had a dentist appointment, and I knew I wasn't going to have time to freshen up before I got there because I was leaving straight from work. I remember this now.

You were worried about whether or not you'd be able to clean your hole before you went to the dentist. So I got a dirty mouth. And so I went and I thought, I'm going to brush up real quick. And I don't think I'll have time to floss, but I'm going to give it a shot. Jesus, you worry too much. Well, I wanted to be, it was a new hygienist. I get it. And I wanted to start off on the, you know, because whatever's going around, my regular hygienist had it too.

They called and said, she's out. You still want to come in? And I said, yes. So I went in there and I realized. It was just me. It's like a little room, and it's just me and the receptionist. And I thought, oh, no, she's going to think I'm pooping in here. So I better hurry up.

So there's no doubt. And so I couldn't get the, and I had the travel-sized toothpaste, and I couldn't get the foil off. Oh, dude, you never can. That's so frustrating. And then I was more nervous. I'm like, oh, geez, for sure she's going to think. And so I finally get it off, so to speak. And when I did, there was a toothpaste explosion.

It got everywhere. I'm making things worse. It got all over me, all over the sink, all over the wall. It was like a first finish after a dry spell, only just kind of minty flavored. Like Randy Marsha when the internet went down? Exactly. It was just like that. And I had it all over my arm.

I mean, this went absolutely everywhere. I've had that happen with those little travel size toothpaste. And then I went from, oh, no, she's going to think I'm pooping to, oh, no, she's going to think I masturbated because it was everywhere. Will you see a psychologist? I was trying to be polite. Smoke a joint, Josh. Your constant worrying about what everyone's going to think of you only makes things worse for you.

It did make it a lot worse. You know, sometimes when you're trying to hurry up, you actually slow yourself down. And that was one of those situations where everything that could go wrong went wrong. How did everything go with the dentist? Oh, it went great. I remember one time I turned to Josh and I said, let's have sex for two of us. Let's do it. Yeah.

And Josh said, I got to go to the dentist. doctor tomorrow. I don't really want to have sex. I got to go to the doctor. I got an appointment. I kind of want to be fresh. And I said, well, you're not going to the dentist, are you? Gross.

What do you mean gross? I got a buddy that got in trouble with a joke kind of like that. Don't look at me like that. You got in trouble. What? A buddy that got in trouble. You know, Ashley, after giving birth, they tell you that you got to sit on the sidelines for a while. Yeah, yep.

And so my buddy in front of, like, the doctor and everything said, well, do you got like lock jaw or carpal tucking? No. Can you take care of me? Oh, God, no. Take care of me. That is not funny. They added a couple weeks onto a sentence. Oh, I bet.

Yeah, those nurses don't mess around because they are used to some men saying stuff like that and being serious. So they don't play when when dudes start to make jokes like that. Oh, no, he said he felt pretty small after that. Oh, I'm sure. As he should. Because he mostly meant it, too, which made it worse. Oh, God. My husband made, like, a couple jokes to me privately,

and I made sure he knew, like, hey, you know, don't say anything that could come across weird because I'm going to leave you standing on that hill, and it's going to make it so much worse. I'm not going to laugh. We were talking celebrity encounters earlier. First off, someone texted in, well, not just any way. one. They have a name. Perry Saturn, Jesus, texted in and said, I once met Perry Saturn.

Shut up, dude. But another listener texted in and said, we were talking celebrity encounters, right, said I ran into Mo Williams, former Viking running back Mo Williams. Do you know what that bell means, Josh? We had a brief conversation about this yesterday. I'm ringing the Eskimo brother bell. Oh, really? You and Mo Williams.

I'm ringing the Eskimo Brothers. What an honor. Oh, I don't know about that, but you mean for him? Of course. All right, we ought to get going. Love all your celebrity encounter text messages. I hope to make the time now to scroll through some of them. See, Willie Miles going to be coming in later from what I understand.

Nice. Before you get too comfortable, we'll come right back at you with the stupid news. We'll be back in a couple of minutes. 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too.

An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke-slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealky, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to BialkiLaw.com. That's BiaL-A-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-A. L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you.

Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Joe, you know what's been great about being a saver? More money in the bank. And that money over the past couple of years has made a pretty good yield. Pre-pandemic, money was making zero. Now it's actually making something, but that's starting to go down, down. I love how we can play the fact that inflation's been really high as a positive.

But if you're a saver, you know what that means? Che-ching. Silver lining, Joe, silver lining. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Don't get. Don't touch it. What happened?

Josh, you touched it. I just wanted to touch it. I told him not to touch it. Just a little taste. I want it just a little bit. I'll tell you what happened. I'm coughing over here. Oh.

Like a bitch. And I coughed so hard. off to my left, I blew some papers off of the table. I blew some papers smooth off of a table, and Josh went and fetched him. Oh, that's so sweet. Have you noticed? Now you got my cooties all over you. When you, I just, I lubed up with some Purell afterwards. But have you noticed that whenever you dropped something, I race over there and try and pick it up so you don't have to.

Yes, I do. Yeah. Spalding, no. I'm your squire. What movie? Well, that's got to be the golf movie. Caddyshack, yeah. Right before he picked up that baby Ruth. All right, on to the stupid news.

But first, we did receive some text messages. We were talking earlier about random celebrity encounters. You run into this famous person. Oh, my God, I ran into... So thrilling. People texted in about their random celebrity encounters. One of our listeners, Josh, ran into... This is going back.

26, 7, 8 years. One of our listeners ran into Ashley Simpson at the Mall of America. That sounds so familiar. Not to be mistaken with Ashford and Simpson, who were a singing duo. Solid as a rock, I think, might have been their big hit. Was that Asperd or was that Peaches and Herb?

Who sang Solid as a Rock? Let's settle that first. Ashford and Simpson. Ashford and Simpson. This individual ran into Ashley Simpson. Yeah, I remember this chick. The younger sister of OJ.

Nope. Jessica. The younger sister of Jessica Simpson. That's correct. She, I don't like her. You don't like Ashley Simpson? She changed the spelling of her name. So, like, she spelled it the regular way, ASH, L-E-Y.

And I don't know why she decided this, but it's now ASH-L-E. Well, there can only be one ASH-L-E-Y. Why don't you? She did that for me. Try watching your own bobber. Yeah, watch your own bobber. I remember Ashley Simpson. She had a hit pop single, maybe two late 90s.

Pieces of me in 2004. I thought she was as cute as a button. Her sister was stunning. No doubt, of course. Her sister, Ashley, was stunning. But I'm sorry, her sister, we just said. Jessica. Jessica was stunning.

But I thought Ashley Simpson was real cute. Didn't she get in trouble for lip syncing or something? I think that was Jessica, wasn't it? No, it was actually on S&L. They started playing the vocals before she was ready, and then she just kind of awkwardly danced on stage and then just kind of backed out, you know, like Homer Simpson into the bushes, just like, oh, I'm out.

Girl, you know it's, girl you know it's, girl you know it's true. Ooh, ooh, ooh, I want you. I wonder how many times on Saturday night live it is taped. Oh, a lot of it is dubbed. Oh, really? Even like a, you know, like foo fighters. There's somebody that's very good. Oh, no, they play their own stuff.

There's some of these smaller people, you know, that aren't used to performing live on TV and stuff. I think a lot of it is recorded ahead of time. You kind of wonder, especially the people that dance a lot. Right. I like to dance. You're out of breath and whatnot. So extra.

You're extra. I didn't mean that. God. Yeah, I remember Ashley Simpson got in trouble, like Dana said, for lip-syncing on Saturday Night Live. So the same fallout happened that we saw from the reference I was just making a minute ago from singing, Girl, You Know It's True. It was the same fallout for Millie Vanilly.

That was huge, that story. I mean, they had five, six number one songs for Pete's sake in a calendar, year and then suddenly they were outed as a fraud. Here's another celebrity encounter that one of our listeners had in his or her lifetime. Met Mike Tice Super Bowl weekend, 1999. No, you didn't. You thought it was Mike Tice. Was he wearing a, oh, they put it in the text, he was wearing a LeRoy Hoard jersey. Yeah, we know that's not Mike Tice. We've heard the story. A lot of people, local athletes.

Yeah, that doesn't count. Oh, it doesn't? No, no, that doesn't count. They've got to be a national in my book. Right? I mean, you run into Carril Caprice off at Foot Locker. So what? I'd be pretty pumped about that.

He lives here in town just like you do. He wouldn't be able to have a conversation with me. It doesn't count. I hear what you're saying, but I never run into him, so I think it was kind of cool. Yeah, I think that counts. We run in different circles, and I don't leave the house. And what I do, I don't like to leave the zip code. You don't have a professional athlete stopping by your house, Josh?

No. No, no. Lame. I know. I was going to come over here, but not anymore. That might change things if you're there. There'd be the draw. Ashley's over there, and she spells it normal.

I don't, I think it's good that I've never seen a professional athlete out in the wild. I think I would act weird. I wouldn't know how to, especially if it was like, you know, one of the top ten, beautiful men that they got. I'd be really uncomfortable. I wouldn't be good at that. Take it easy, will you? You seem like you'd be very cool.

I guess maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit. But no, if I ran into like, even like Marcus Folino, I would have something to talk to him about. I'd be like, hey, you're on the radio show. I am also on. And then that would be like all I got. And I'd be like, yep, you're really pretty. I think it would depend on how many drinks you had in you, Ashley.

Yeah, that's a good point. I can picture being pretty confident talking to Marcus Felina if you had a couple. That would definitely help. Try to control yourself. It's not that big of a frigging deal. Josh mentioned earlier he ran into former Pigs defenseman Brent Burns at a Burger King or something like that. Pot belly. And this is before he looked like a caveman.

This is when he was kind of clean-shaven. I got to tell you my Brent Burns story real quick. So a buddy of mine was at a bar in St. Paul after a pig's game, midnight, 1 o'clock, right? Packed joint. And here comes Brent Burns fresh out the hockey rink, right? He was a pretty big, pretty big wheel with the hockey club at the time. He comes into the bar. The line is seven people deep all around the bar for a drinkie. But Brent Burns goes and shoves his way to the front and gets himself a couple of Captain Cokes or whatever. And everyone else in the bar was like, oh, you're Brent Burns. My buddy got pissed off. Hey, what the hell do you think you're

doing, waiting in line with everybody else. Yeah. I'm standing here. I'm standing here for a half hour to get a frigging beer. Here comes Dinkus from the man bear pigs. Brent Burns. You know, he's pissed. So he waited.

Waited about a half hour. Waited for the rest of the sheeple to leave Brent Burns alone. And then my pal walked up to him and said, hey, you're Brett Burns from the wild, right? Apparently Burns said, yeah. And my body said, yeah, you totally. suck. Oh, man. That's intimidating.

I don't know if I'd say that to a guy known for a sport about fighting or fighting's involved. He's an intimidating guy. All right, so today is special as far as the stupid news report goes. Today is special. It's a turd Tuesday, or at least it ended up that way. It wasn't something we had much control over. Every damn stupid news story that fell into our last. today is fecal in nature.

So I guess we're stuck trying to fight our way through TIRD Tuesday. God help us all. My tummy is already a little off. I believe we're starting off with someone who throws their turds. They're the worst. That's not right. Yeah, that's like monkeys do. Right. Yeah, that's not something

civilized community should do. I don't care who you are. That's not right. You're no better than an animal if you're out there throwing your sh at people. And it's a lady. That makes it worse in my book. It does because, you know, you automatically think, well, this is some dude.

Girls are more sophisticated and typically they don't throw their feces at others. Well, Ashley, you tell me, you go to the bathroom with them. No, that's usually. not happening in there. Wouldn't you picture this being a guy? Yeah, I immediately did, yeah. Surer repair.

Sorry, sorry, guys. Sewer repair Jesus has texted. And he says, oh, turd Tuesday? Go on. It makes it worse in my book that this is a girl, a lady, because I can handle a dude turd. I can handle seeing them. I can handle talking about them.

Hell, I've made my own over the years. Girl turds frighten me because I don't understand them. Maybe I can help. I grew up with plenty of women in the commune, been married a very long time, have a daughter who had friends over. One notoriously would clog the toilet every time she came over, which made me pretty much an expert on unclogging toilet.

That's amazing. Once we get fired, or when I get fired from this place, I'd like to do that just kind of recreationally as a service for people. Just show up with a plunger and take. Take care of whatever you got. Yeah, that won't look suspicious. A bunch of signs all over the neighborhood. Like, I will unclog your toilet for free.

So, Ashley, I didn't think my plan too far ahead, and you're right. People are going to be calling the cops. What are you saying? I'm saying, I can help you with this. You said, you don't understand girl turds. I fear them. I have some experience. You know, you'll be fine.

Maybe some exposure therapy. Yeah, exactly. Is that a real thing? It is. Yeah, I suppose your wife's one of these, I'm going to live forever. She sits around all day eating grain and... I've actually never seen that from her. Like dry chicken?

Yes. Lots of powders and like droplets of stuff. Dry chicken. I imagine she can butter a bowl. I don't know. I hate people say that. I'll write that in my Valentine's Day card to her. Can you butter a bowl?

sits around eating broccoli stalks and brown rice. Just terrible. Nothing on it. So this is a lady who throws her own poo. Her name is Ariel or something. She got in trouble two years ago, two, three years ago, for throwing her own poo. And now I guess she's at it again. A couple years ago, she was.

pooing in her own hand and... Oh, come on. Tossing her logs into somebody's coy pond. That's random. Those poor fish, those are expensive. Everything has to be very perfect for them. Oh, yeah, those can be crazy expensive. They eat them up, the coy fish.

They love to eat. Oh, no. So she got sued for that. This time around, she's throwing her own stool at a restaurant. She showed up in disguise at a restaurant. and had a fresh one in her hand, and she upped and side-armed the deuce at a guy that she says is her ex-boyfriend who was working there as a waiter. Oh, well, she found her way of attack.

So this gal must be very much in the middle of some type of two-year-long mental disaster. Every photo that I've seen of her, she kind of has looked like, yeah, I throw turds, and I'm having fun with it. She doesn't look like a crazy person to me, outside of when you know what she did and the face she's making. Shame. She seems proud of it. Like she's the funniest person in the room. She made a do-do pie

and then she threw it in the direction of her supposed ex-boyfriend. Take a do-do pie. The dude was horrified. Word is, he left the restaurant and he still hasn't come back to work.

this deal effed him up. Yeah, let's get one of those restraining orders on that girl probably. The restaurant threw, again, Ariel, I think is the name of this gal. The restaurant threw her out onto the street. And then it sounds to me like she actually had the balls to go online and complain about the way she was physically tossed out of the restaurant. You just attack someone with your own soft, warm feces. What do you think is going to happen?

A conversation? You can't throw feces anywhere nowadays. I don't know where to go with this lady. She needs help. Then she goes online and claims that the restaurant kills and eats cats. When she tosses her own dukes, she claims she's going after predators. She says her ex-boyfriend is a predator. Well, I mean, if that's true, if you're really going after an awful person,

it kind of defeats the purpose when you do something that might be considered even more revolting. How's anyone supposed to take your allegations seriously? You're a turd thrower. That's all anyone will remember. Right. That's a pretty big distraction. Yeah. I'm all for going after people. Like, you know, if you think they're a predator or whatever, you know, there's ways to go about this. It's not taking a deuce into your own hand and throwing it into a public space. There's a couple of corrections officers in the brother and sisterhood that have shared some stories about wrestling people in poop. Poop milk thrown at them.

What? Poop being covered, covering the walls. Like in a milk carton? I guess so. That's a tough drop. Like it made like a grenade. Yeah, it's like a grenade. Oh, that's so messed up.

Yeah, it is. People finger painting with it. I was going to say they should go to jail, but, you know, that's already happening. I guess there's nothing else to do. What do we do now? Yeah, my sister used to work at a hip clothing store many, many, many years ago. She worked at some hip clothing store in the city somewhere. And they had a constant battle with, you know, street derelicts walking in,

for no good reason. So they constantly had to be throwing street derelicts out of the clothing store. Like, look, you can't just wander around here all day playing with yourself. We're trying to sell pants. But she said, the worst

part of it is quite a few of them. They went into the bathroom and they'd poop on the floor or put their ass up against the wall. Oh, man. And then like Joshua said, finger paint with it and whatnot. But that way, come on. I'm just trying to sell some Bobby Brown pants.

This was back when they used to sell Bobby Brown pants. Josh. I wanted Bobby Brown pants back in the day. Never got any Bobby Brown pants. What were those? Like wider legs? My prerogative. Clap.

It's the way that I want to be. That guy could sing a song. They were like bicycle pants. Your name again is Ashley. Like Caprize. Oh, okay. Those were the Bobby Brown pants. Very tight.

Late 80s, very tight. One of my favorite stories about one of my sister was working at this joint. The joint was called Super Pants, I think, the name of the store. Good name. And she answered the telephone. I'll have the soup. You're going to take the soup? I'll take the soup, yes.

I have enough pants. She answered the phone one day. Hello, Super Pants. And a dude on the other end of the phone said, You got any of those Bobby Brown pants? Did they? Yeah, did they have it? She said, yeah, we got Bobby Brown.

Brown pants. Come on out. Was that the same time as parachute pants? Before. It was before parachute pants. Oh, so comfy. Late 80s, everybody was wearing Bobby Brown pants. Yeah.

Because he was doing the my prerogative bit, right? And then the 90 in 90, that's when Hammer, what's his name again? MC Hammer. He came around and introduced everyone to the very spacious parachute pants. Oh, wow. Super tight to super, super bagging. What was the hell was the other Bobby Brown song other than my paragon? He hit it big.

With my prerogative and then it was, there was something else in there. Let's see. And it all went, b'an-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-clap. That was the basis for all of his songs. Every little step? That's it. Every little step I take pop. She will be there.

Every little move I make. Come on. If it isn't love, is that new addition? That's new addition. I was asking. I love New Edition. I loved that song. Humping around.

Ain't nobody humping around. What's that song about? That was a little later. That'll get you going. Yeah, that was a couple years later. It's about Wednesdays, Kina. New Edition, if it isn't Love, 1988. What a great song.

What a great group they were. That was after Bobby left New Edition. They replaced him with Johnny Gill. Anyway. It's turd, Tuesday. One down. We continue on in Pennsylvania.

Authorities out that way. We're able to get to the bottom of a fecal issue. Maybe you a member this one. Maybe you don't. Here's the deal. And it's another lady. A lady in Pennsylvania. She dropped wolf bait on the floor of the beer cave at her neighborhood. convenience store.

You know what I'm talking about when I say beer cage? Those are cool. I'm not even a drinker and I think those are kind of cool. No, I hate them. It's so chilly. It's too cold in there. Oh, I like the cold though. Leave it. Especially in the summer walking in one of those. It's refreshing. It's too cold. I'll go and grab something out the shelf

and they're like, you know, we have that cold in the fridge? And I'm like, nope, not going in there. I'll just take this lukewarm beer. Oh, I thought you liked the cold. I just not a shock like that. There's no reason to have a beer cooler. I got a fridge at home. It's too cold in there.

Ashley and I are never going to buy any new stuff because we want to get in and out of the beer cooler as fast as possible. Hey, did you see we got a special? No, I didn't see you had a special because it's frigging too cold in your beer cooler. So a lady walked into the beer cooler at her neighborhood convenience store and she took a on the floor. She's 47 years old.

Crystal. With a C or C? K. Which would you prefer? Kay. This one's with a C. What's the problem now? That's like Crystal with a K. You do? But not an Ashley with two E's.

Yep. Or the EIGH or whatever. Oh, don't be cruel. That's the one we're missing from Bobby Brown. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Don't be cruel. That was late 80s. Thank you everybody for texting it. Crystal with a C, she pleaded guilty in a court of law to this and that.

They say she created a hazardous and physically offensive atmosphere in that beer cooler. Just dumped a road apple. Right in the middle of that frigging beer cool. The courthouse told Crystal, oh, they told her that she can never. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. go back to that store as long as she lives. She shouldn't be allowed outside.

I mean, just like out of confinement? Yeah. She's creating buttwisers and coolers all over the place. Chained to a wall or something. She's no longer allowed. No light. No longer allowed to go outside. Nope.

Lillian had those rules dumped on her back in. Lillian was not allowed to go outside. On the day in question is how they might have set it in court. on the day in question, a worker man at the convenience store watched Crystal pull off her pants and her underwear's and press one out right there on the floor of the beer cooler. A new guy was in the corner of puking his guts out. The worker man and the new guy, once he gathered himself, they called the police. Crystal didn't wipe.

She just pulled up her underwear and then she buttoned up her high-wasted jeans and she walked out of it. It was awful, Josh. Stinky. You know, I'd imagine, too, at first, like a... She's disrobing, and they might think, here we go. This is going to be fun. And then, oh, God! You're probably right.

When you find out what actually happened. Worker man and the new guy? They're excited at first. They were excited. Crystal, I can't help it. Sorry. I love that. I'm glad I don't work in the food and drink industry.

It seems like there's constant pressure to come up with something. new and outrageous, you know, to try to get people to notice you. That's why we're constantly hearing about these new, you know, breast milk-flavored, Bratwurst, ice cream that tastes like the tears of virgins or whatever. You know what I'm talking about? We're constantly being hammered with all these stupid flavor combinations and things like that. it sounds exhausting to have to work in that industry, and there's probably some boss up your ass constantly.

So here's the latest, and we're all supposed to go, oh, wow, how unique and interesting. Brewery in Oregon has just gotten done. They mixed up a batch of beer, and they're supposedly bear poop in the beer somewhere. Oh, that sounds delightful. That can't be good for you? I had that cat poop coffee.

I'm not a coffee guy. When it was kind of people were first talking about it here, there was a shop that sold it. It was crazy expensive. Do you remember what it was? Well, maybe compared to, like, now what you get at one of the big chains, it wasn't that expensive. But back then, it seemed like it was really expensive. I remember the conversation about coffee flavored with cat poop.

Maybe like $20 or something for a cup. Yeah. It was expensive. And they brought it in, and I thought, okay, I'll give it a shot. And I couldn't tell the difference at all. Most guys have to be pressured to eat the cat poop. Not me. No.

All right. So did you hear me? A new beer, and they're supposedly beer. poo in there. I'm trying to find something interesting here. Well, you know, it's unique, certainly. Oregon. Did I say that yet? It's in Oregon. That makes sense. I probably could have guessed that.

Breakside brewery. They've cut loose with a limited edition bear poop beer. It seems really unnecessary. It is unnecessary. Yeah, that's a good point, Ashley. Just like, in the article, it says just like the Bull The testicles that were squeezed into a beer called Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout. There was some other beer running around town that had goat brains. These people are just bored. Pored into the...

Well, they're just desperate to differentiate themselves from every other brewery, which is the all... They're all the exact same. Yeah, you don't have to try that hard. Or, I mean, you don't have to do anything. All the breweries will always be exact. exactly the same. You're going to have beer that people don't really know. And then a food truck. That's it. That's what you got going on. And then like a shelf of like board games with a bunch of pieces missing that nobody ever touches.

Oh my gosh. And I can't believe I forgot the flavored pretzels. There's flavored pretzels. Yes. Oh my God. You're right. Flavored pretzels. And there's like the little sample glasses you get. They're kind of sniffing them around. Oh, yeah. No, I will try this. You're right. That does. That's a good dark ale. I hate breweries. Oh, you do? Yeah. I can't stand. I guess I don't really go. I just have never been a fan because any time I've been invited and I go to a brewery, it's in the summer. And it's just always too hot and there's nowhere to sit. Right.

And it takes so long to get my beer. And then if you're hungry, you go to the food truck, you wait in line for 45 minutes, and then you're standing there with the beer in your hand and your food and trying to navigate both of those with nowhere to sit. I can't take all this negativity. It is very negative. My God, you guys are haters. I was waiting. Dana, I thought for sure you were going to bring up a Jurassic Park quote.

That would fit this story perfectly. Oh, which one exactly? Said by Dr. Ian Malcolm. Oh, the, oh, God, why am I blank on the quote? I can't do it when I put on the spot either. The sole preoccupied with whether or not they could. They didn't stop to think if they should. Yeah, it seemed like that would be a perfect quote for this story.

I think I have time for one more turd-related story. One of them might have to even appear tomorrow. I'm not sure. turd Tuesday is how it turned out. You could save it for turd's day if we want to give it a couple days or do it tomorrow. Once we get through turd Tuesday, I don't think I could live with myself

if then later in the week we had a turd's day. That's too much for one week. Too much. Too many puns for one guy. Nobody poops twice in one week. I'll get you one more here. You're poor ball movements, Josh. You know, if we do save one more for later in the week, most folks maybe won't even remember that we lived through Turd Tuesday.

You see what I'm saying? Yeah. Because I feel like Tirds do come up on a regular basis just organically during the stupid days. Yeah, they do. What does this one say? Oh, the Potomac River out there towards Washington, D.C. Have any of you ever purified yourself in the waters of the Potomac? River? No. No. I have not.

I've never been there. Been to Washington, D.C. I can't remember if I saw a river. Oh, I'll... See, I saw the White House. I guess I can't recall. There might have been some water around there. I don't know. Well, no, I mean, I ain't mad at you. I've been to a few different places, and if you asked me, did you see your river? I would say, I don't friggin' know. I mean, we see bodies of water all the time and where we live, so it wouldn't be like, oh my gosh,

there's water. Right. That's a good point. There it is. Right there. It's not like you get home from a trip and you're like, oh yeah, so how was? How was the flight? How are the rivers, by the way?

The pine trees were beautiful. If you do plan on diving into the Potomac anytime soon, you should know there's liquefied human waste in there. But doesn't that go for any river? Yeah, you know, it seems like, so I grew up Minneapolis and the lakes would close once a year it seemed like because they're like, too many turds in the water. We've got to clean this thing up. whatever they do. The E. coli. A couple summers ago on Lake Minnetonka, you couldn't go anywhere near that big island

because some college kid sprayed diarrhea into the lake. And then some other college kid swallowed it on accident while swimming around. And everybody caught E. coli in the entire neighborhood. Oh, that's so messed up to think about. I had to drop anchor at all these boring islands, Josh, that didn't have college girls in thong bikinis because they closed big islands because one college kid diarrhea into the water and another college kid ate it. Big Island, that's like, there's some eye candy there, that's for sure.

Oh, yeah. I've never seen it where you couldn't just walk across boat to boat to boat. It's always so packed. My wife and I go on, we go on thong patrol when we're out on the lake. We'll be sitting somewhere else on the lake, and my wife will sound a horn, and then she screams, Thong Patrol, and then we go to Big Island and we count the thongs. I have a buddy there's in, well, maybe I shouldn't say where, but he, uh, Where he's at, there's a big lake.

And sometimes they go on what they call bikini patrol, right? Where they'll volunteer these cops. They'll volunteer to go out there and just make sure everybody's following the rules of the water. And they're just out there looking at the key. And then my wife will be like, well, that girl's butt is too flat for that thorn. You know what I mean? She's probably right. She hates horrors.

I mean, is that part of it? I like the criticism. She's probably scoping out her next victim. She should tell them. You want us to pull up a little close? Yeah. All right. So my wife can say, you have no butt.

You don't have the proper bottom for those thong. All right. So anyway, the bottom line is there's diarrhea running through the Potomac River in Washington, D.C. They say it's bubbling two to three feet up in the air. It's a big yellow-brown bubble. Oh, just a poop geyser. Someone dipped a coffee cup in there and tested it and said that the E. coli was off the charts. So.

Oh yeah, there's feces in there, all right. Yeah, I kind of assume every river is pretty disgusting. Just like body of water. With the exception of the Apple River. Oh, yeah. My mom never warned me about that river ever. Clean as can be. You can SDD just wading in the shallow end of that river.

Yeah, exactly. That's what my mother used to tell me when I was a teenager. She said if you ever want to get an STD of any sort herpes, just go to the Apple River. Boy, that's got a reputation, doesn't it? It stuck with me, and I've never been to the Apple River because of that. Gavin, we were young guys drinking, you know, nothing but old Milwaukee. If we did eat anything.

Those weekend fishing trips, you know, all you do is drink canned beer, and if you do eat anything, it's maybe some beef jerky. So you go out fishing, middle of nowhere, middle of the water. Sometimes it would hit you. and one afternoon two of us had to jump into the water and take off our pants and underwears and just hang on to the side of the boat is horrible

I'm not swimming in lakes anymore yeah the old aqua dump there is going to be feces well let me tell you something though actually the wall eyes would really start snapping no way that's when we would catch the wallace shut off I love that chum sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show Holdy back to Hughes. Caprisaw fires. He's gone.

We're all smiling here in the, what do you call where we're at right now? The studio? I don't know. No offense, Anthony Lepanta, but. I love the enthusiasm. It's called. It's kind of like a soccer announcer, you know. They go crazy. I'll tell you what, if you go see the pigs, expect some free hockey. They played what? I think their 22nd overtime game.

the season last night. Jesus. At home against the Montreal Canadians Day got her done, the Russian kid, if he didn't notice from the call. The Russian kid got one past.

The Habs, goaltender. State of hockey. Dang it, I coughed some more paper off the table. Josh, you're going to pull a hamstring. I'm on his pit crew. I race over and make sure that's all ready to go. One more game before they go on strike for the

Olympics. But they got the win last night. Pretty good hockey team we got here in town. Yeah, we'll get to talk to Marcus Fleino tomorrow. Oh, that's great. Yeah, it's been a while. Hasn't. Oh.

I'm telling you, I'm running out of patience with the Timbalow. Timbalaw. They just, they just, Memphis was the far better ball club last night. Beat the wolves by nine. Getting aggravated. Let's just make the trade for that dude. from Milwaukee and get it over with. Seems like every day it's a will-they, won't-day type situation.

Oh, you damn right it is. It is. You bet it is. Articles written on it yesterday. Before we go, we had a conversation earlier about random celebrity encounters. You ran into this singer, you ran into this wrestler, you ran into this television movie person. We got a winner from one of our listeners. I wish I had a name for you. I don't.

But we got a winner. There's no way anyone can top this. At the airport, one of our listeners ran into Ashton Coutcher, Culeo, J'Rule? Jarl.

Cool. Jarluhul. And Jaliel White, otherwise known as Urkel. Who were they all? hanging out together for? Yeah, were they hanging out? What celebrity softball game are they off to?

All four of them together. Ashton Coucher, the Culeo, Jerule, and Juleo White Erkel. And yes, our listener tells us they were traveling together for a celebrity basketball tournament. Oh, wow. That was right. Nice job, Dana. I always thought, and I'm not

trying to be cute here, but I always thought Coolio would be cool. He's somebody that I wouldn't mind meeting. Oh, yeah. Am I nuts or did the guy die? He did. Yeah. Oh, unfortunately. You can't meet him now.

No, no. He's deady old. You can't. Oh, God. We ought to take a break. Covey's got his news coming up next. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should, too. An AC tuneup means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

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Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law. And it spells relief for you. You guys know how much I really, really love golf and I think every week would be dope to post on the Golf Channel. I want to get a lot of guests on here. Sleem's going to take a leap. I'm down to be in it. It's not really. really work to play golf. Join the party on the golf course. I was like, let's go to the range. So what are we putting on it?

We said 10K, right? 10K? All right? We probably bet more than all the other golf channels, right? 10K, 9 holes. Those guys bet for, like, cookies. I feel like I'm going to shank it. This guy's been trading like a Navy seal when it comes to golf.

I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah. Full send golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X. It's interrupted my grading process.

Again, you know, I hadn't made much progress. when my dad did pass away. And now it's like I'm starting all over again. I just wish somebody would bring them back home. Well, this is a weird one. Cops in Colorado are investigating an unusual home burglary in which thieves broke in and stole only one thing. An urn containing the homeowner's father's ashes.

The incident happened shortly before 4 p.m. January 21st when the homeowner checked her security cameras and saw two unknown men inside. investigators believe it was a targeted burglary because the men appeared to know the home's layout and after breaking in they went straight to her bedroom. Electronics and other valuables were left untouched and nothing else seemed to be missing.

So at first no one understood what the intruders had been looking for or why the break-in happened. Then she noticed one thing from them was gone. Her father's urn. She had a simple message for the ash hats behind the grave crime. Return my father's ashes, she said. detectives say they're following leads and still investigating that case. Well, what the hell?

That's so messed up. Yeah, she's got a, well, she didn't recognize them. You know, I take that back. Maybe they were covered up, head to toe, I don't know. But she didn't know who they were. These guys might have. You think they must have know the family somehow, right? Is it possible these guys were so effing hammered on street drugs that they had no idea what they even brought with them?

I suppose, yeah, could be. Even if they were just targeting just the ashes. wouldn't you maybe just stop to see if they have a Nintendo Switch or something you could grab as long as you're there? Yeah, I guess. You grab a couple other things. Why not? You did the break in, you know? Fill up that bag.

How terrible. I mean, of all the things, I'm sure that's the one thing, right, that would be the worst, and that's what they took. It's one of those just, I don't, I'm not going to press charges. I just want it back type of things. And then I would say that. And then I want to press charge. Yeah. I would take it back.

I would immediately press charge. You know, I'm sorry I missed this. Somebody texting they wanted an earlier birthday shout out during the sports segment there. So I apologize. Hopefully you're still in the car, Fiona Rose. Happy 11th birthday to you. And again, sorry I didn't see that text earlier. In Indiana Man's rage over what he considered an unforgivable breach of stop sign etiquette, spiraled into an armed, intoxicated chase with cremated human remains riding shotgun. Investigators say a couple drove around a Jeep, which appeared to be. stuck at a four-way stop. The driver of that Jeep identified as 50-year-old Jay Messer took offense and followed them shouting as he went. At a different stop sign, he pulled up behind him, pulled a gun, leaned out the window and said quite meanly, I will effing kill you. The wife took a photo of his

license plate and the couple drove off, hoping that some space might end that altercation. It did not. Police eventually cut up with Messer and pulled the Jeep over. A breath test followed. Messer blew a 0.250, not only over the limit, but also passed the breaking point for his bladder control. When he stepped out, his lack of sobriety was made worse by gravity. He had trouble standing up, and he urinated in his pants. After making a messer in those pants, police searched Messer's vehicle and found ammunition, three guns, an envelope stuffed with cash as sort of drugs, and because ash, grass, or ass, nobody rides for free. A bag containing cremated human remains were in there as well. They got any

further information on those remains? No, they didn't say. It was just kind of sitting in the front seat, maybe buckled up or something. Just in a blue bag. Well, there you go. A Minneapolis man with some serious anger issues will spend four years in prison after turning Twin Cities traffic

into target practice, firing at other drivers during two road rage incidents in St. Paul, including one carrying children. Children. Police say a father was driving on Summit Avenue with his six and nine-year-old kids when another driver tailgated him, passed him in oncoming traffic, and then shot at his vehicle for some reason. Thankfully, no one was hurt. About a month later, another driver reported being shot at near

Snelling and Selby. He followed the suspect while calling 911 and gave police the license plate. Officers arrested the 24-year-old weeks later and found a loaded handgun and ammunition in his car. He told investigators he didn't recall a road rage incident. with the earlier driver, adding if they are saying it's my car, then, well, I guess it happened. He also said, I hate driving. All it's caused me is problems, tickets, at least for speeding, he said. A guy who was shooting at other drivers is complaining about other drivers giving him problems? Yeah, he doesn't like driving, apparently.

And again, if somebody's going to accuse you of shooting at their car, you know how it goes. Well, if they said it, I must have done it. If only his life weren't being held hostage by a steering wheel. Walk, Dorkas. The case file also adds another footnote. He has an open case in Dakota County, accusing him of waving a gun at an Egan motorist the day before his arrest in the St. Paul shootings.

What's his deal? I don't know. We don't know what his deal is. He just wants to shoot some people? A bus pass and a quailude or something. Take a quailude, bro. With Valentine's Day coming up, some people may be thinking about rekindling an old romance.

There's probably better ways to win back in X, though. This one isn't one of them. Because nothing says be mine like ammunition and surveillance. Authorities in Florida, say a 23-year-old EMT tried to restart a relationship by bombarding his ex-girlfriend with messages, handwritten letters, one of which included a live 9-millimeter bullet and by secretly planting a GPS tracker on her car. He mailed her a bullet? Yeah, he did, yeah.

Investigators say it started, well, at least he wrote it in a letter. He might have just put it in the mailbox. Investigators said it started when he reached out, saying he still loved her and wanted to get back together. That's very nice. Yeah. You know, I made some mistakes. No, thanks. The woman told police his behavior escalated over the past six months, saying he had been harassing her through text, handwritten letters, and other social media posts.

There's something is so scary and eerie about a guy harassing you through a handwritten letter. You took the time to write down, bitch. The only thing worst would be if they did the thing from the movies where he cut out all the letters from a magazine and put it together in the letter. Oh, the ransom letter? Yeah. That seems like so much work. Oh, my gosh.

I get exhausted just looking at those when I see them on screen. You're going to have to go and get some magazines first. Oh, got to go to the store and get some glue. The two dated for about two years before breaking up roughly eight or nine months ago. Then on January 11th, she found the handwritten letter about 2 a.m. Inside was a live 9-millimeter round, which was not the caliber of grand romantic gesture he thought it was. The letter talked about how much he messed things up and asked for another chance, saying he loved her very much. She blocked his phone number and social media accounts, but police say he just kept contacting her using new ones.

Last week, she discovered an Apple air tag attached to her car after Apple alerted her that the tracker was present. During an interview, the man admitted to writing the letters, sending the bullet, and placing the tracker. telling investigators he did it because he still loved her and wanted her to know that he'd like her back. These days blocking someone's number isn't enough because then they can Facebook message you, they can Instagram message you, they can email you, they message you on Twitter.

There's so many ways to get a hold to people these days. It's frustrating. It's very, very easy to just download an app too that hides your number. You can just message them from, I don't know, some made-up random number. Never been easier to be a stocker than 2026. Yeah.

Breakups are hard, but therapy's cheaper than bail and auto body repair. A Georgia woman's accused of getting drunk and repeatedly driving her car into her ex's vehicle after a fight. 50-year-old Kansi Contreras intentionally slammed her vehicle into the man's car multiple times after a heated exchange that night, about 11.30 p.m. The tension had been simmering all day with phone arguments, then boiled over when the man returned to the house about 10 to collect his belongings. That's when she's accused of headbutting him, leaving one eye bruised, and then hopping behind the wheel, aiming at his car several times. The headbutt. I kind of forget about the headbutt.

Ouch. Yeah, I don't see that one very often. Outside of like in bar fights and movies. Yeah, like I say, Jason Statham movie, I feel like Statham's kind of got the headbut down to a tee. That would never be one of my first moves because I don't want to hurt myself trying to hurt you. That sounds miserable. I'm not tall enough. Because I don't know.

Is there a correct way to do it where, like, it doesn't hurt you as much? Get him in the bridge of the nose. Yep. When deputies arrived, they found tire tracks carved into a yard and a bumper tossed into the grass. When she started having difficulty getting traction in the wet grass, the victim got into his vehicle to leave. But she managed to ram his car several more times with him inside of it before he drove away and called 911. She was later charged with aggravated assault and several other offenses. That man said he does not want her back.

Doesn't want her back. Here's the sad truth. That's the best sex he's ever had. Oh, it's got to be. Well, let's talk about that. That's what he's thinking about when he sees her smashing into his motor vehicle over and over and over and over again. He's thinking, my God, what have I done? This woman is completely insane.

But he can't help but think about the heat that she brings into the bedroom. I'm sure he's even thinking, okay, if she does it one more time, I got to let her go. It's a sad truth. That's the best sex he will ever have. Valentine's Day is supposed to be about love, romance, maybe a nice dinner, but it can also be about closure or justice or revenge. The Minnesota Zoo is hosting its popular name-a-bug fundraiser. Oh, cute.

You can name the bug after a person of your choosing, an ex, a phredominy, or that coworker you'd like to nut punch into the next cubicle. If you donate 15 bucks to the Minnesota Zoo Foundation on Valentine's Day before four people, The zoo will notify that person. A bug has been named in their dishonor. You could even include a... Don't do that. Don't tell them? Nah.

Let's keep it on the deal. No, you want them to know. You can even include a personalized note for your chosen foe. And the best part is your money doesn't just buy the petty satisfaction of commemorative insect spite. It helps feed the zoo animals as well. It helps feed the animals, Ashley. If you like monkeys and whatnot, they'll eat because of your... Oh.

I like that. I'm going to name a bug after you guys. Is that okay? Yeah, I was going to say I would be honored if an ex cared enough to want to name a bug after me. That'd be kind of a badge of honor, I think. I said go for it. I did this a few years ago. Keith was not happy.

He didn't appreciate it? No, I let him know. Frigin Keith. The 2026 Pro Bowl games will bore viewers tonight on ESPN. Jerry Rice. coach is the NFC team and Steve Young is the coach for the AFC. And on Prime Video...

Sounds like something Keith would watch. Oh, that's so Keith. He loved that stuff. Stupid Keith. He friggin loved it. I lit him up at the zoo and he hasn't spoken to me since. He thought you guys were just going to the zoo to have a good time. Little did he know there was a bug named after him.

And on Prime Video, the second season finale of Fallout. Actress Ila Fisher's 50. Ila, right? That's what you're saying? Ila Fisher turns 50 today. Hall of Fame quarterback and host of That's Incredible, Fran Tarkington, 86. And happy belated birthday to Sylvie of the Puppie Hood, who turned one yesterday. That's 93X News.

Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. Did you see a slippage in just competitiveness overall with the guys? At times, yeah, sure. You know, certainly early on. How do you kind of draw that out of them? What do they have to do? Ask them, you know, it's on that.

They got to come and put the work on. You know, it can't be a sometimes thing. Finching. I don't know how. He's frustrated. You can hear it. I don't know how he does it, old Finchie. Well, it's getting to be a broken record, and that's not good.

There are times he looks like he just wants to remove all of his clothing, moon the crowd, and walk away forever. Yeah, don't blame him. Randy Shaver's here, and so is C. Willie Miles. Hello, everyone. Good morning. See, Willie Miles just got back from Arizona. How was your trip to Arizona?

Man, it was pleasant. You know, the weather was perfect. The golf game was sweet. Yeah. Good time to go. That's right. The family still loves me. They love to see Dad come visit.

What's not to love? What's not to love about you? That's what I say. Exactly. You're rolling in there. I'm looking good. I'm smelling good. Yeah.

Yeah. You got a pocketful. full of cash. You're going to eat good. All that needs a place to lay my head. You do always smell wonderful. That's true. It's called Black Prada.

It's called, what, I'm sorry? Black Prada. That's literally in the name. It's Prada. But it's called Prada Black. Prada. Oh, Prada. I just call it. I just say Black Prada. Little behind the ears before. Randy Schavers blowing my brains completely out of my right.

the middle of a hurricane. Can we turn Randy down a little bit? Sorry. No, it's not your fault. It's just you sound like... Maybe your mic's closer to your face than you should. You have taken residence in my friggin' brain. Is that better?

It does seem better. It sounds very windy. Very windy. Weird. Are you outside? Are you outside? No. Absolutely not.

Well, glad to have you here, see Willie Miles. I'm glad you enjoyed your trip to Arizona. The Memphis Grizzlies were the first. far better ball club last night. They beat the Timberwolves by nine. Just make a trade already. Get it over with. Make a trade for that dude from Milwaukee already.

Because obviously this core of players, as much as I love them and enjoy watching them, this core of players, there's something about this regular season that isn't grabbing them. Yep. There's something about their current, Yeah, their current setup, something isn't grabbing their attention. And I'm not sure, Nick, that trading for a Malik Monk or a Kobe White is the answer for that.

I don't think that changes the dynamic very much. It might. I just don't think so. I think that it's, they need a, I guess, for lack of a better term, a Pat Bev, somebody that just will fire them up because there is nobody right now that's getting them to play defense on a consistent basis. They gave up 137 to Memphis last night, a team that had lost six in a row that's just not having a good season. They're missing their star player and John Moran. And the wolves just looked awful. They just cannot defend. They were down 20 for most of the fourth quarter last night.

Just not interested. Yeah, something's got to happen. because they're just not able to grasp the importance of your average regular season game. So, and you keep hearing Chris Finch over and over again saying, you know, post-game press conferences like you heard in our intro, you know, he doesn't know what to do. They can't figure it out. They can't figure it out. They can't figure out the fact that you have to bring that intensity every possession. So they lose games that they shouldn't normally lose.

Jaron Jackson Jr. scored 30 points for Memphis. The wolves never seemed to come up on the way to slow that dude down. Yes, Anthony Edwards scored 39 points, but it seemed as if he was more concerned with complaining to the officials all night long than playing defense is how you say. I'm getting totally burned out on his routine. I'd be A1 from day one. He's acting more and more like baby nuts.

He acts like baby nuts now. Or Carl. Or sure. Hey, leave Carl alone. He's gone. No, but I'm saying it says, same attitude. Yeah, they all have that same attitude.

That's what I was trying to point out before. I'm not a big, I don't watch them hardly ever anymore. I mean, it's just, to me, it's just, the game is just weird. And they don't, they look like they have zero chemistry. And then there's some games that look like they were made on a factory together. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're right.

And there's just no consistency. And it's hard for me to sit and watch something like that. And also this team, again, lacks bench death. They just don't have enough coming off the bench other than Nause. And it's a frustrating thing. They've got these young guys who just have not developed. And that's too bad because they spent a lot of draft equity in some of those guys, and it's just not working out.

And this team is 10 games over 500, 10 or 11 games over 500? Oh, they're sitting in the five spot in the West, in a very competitive West division. But they have. The problem is, Nick, they just don't play defense on a consistent basis. Right, right. They're 10, 11 games above 500. They're fifth in the West. But yet, overall, they haven't played up to their ability for the majority of this regular season.

Next up, they play in Toronto tomorrow night. it's been something like 22 years since the wolves have won a game in Ontario. That's right. That's correct. Wait, what? Yeah, they haven't won in Ontario since Kevin Garnett and Sam Cassell and that whole group was together in 2004. And remember, they go there once a year. Right.

So there's only one opportunity every year to do that. But that's still 20 years. I know. That'd be different if they went twice a year, at least it'd be half the time. Right. And Toronto's good. I mean, Toronto's fourth in the east right now. They've got a lot of young talent. They're very good.

It'll be a difficult game for the wolves. Yeah. You can't be that good for 20 years. I'm just saying. Nobody can be that. Or can you be that bad for 20 years? Well, that's when you go to Toronto. When you cross the border.

There's something about this ball club where they just don't get it. I know. It's frustrating. So make a trade for the kid from Milwaukee. I'm reading more and more stories about how the wolves are the most aggressive team in the Western Conference as far as trying to finger out a trade for the Greek freak. Thursday is the trade deadline. A guy like Janus doesn't come around that often. Just do it.

That's why it's so exciting for so many teams. I mean, Golden State has a lot of interest in him. They have a lot of draft equity. They can trade. It depends on what Milwaukee wants in return. It used to depend on what Milwaukee wants in return. and now I don't care what they want. Give it to them.

I don't want to lose Jaden McDaniels either. But like I said, this team collectively doesn't get it. Yeah, yeah. I love Jaden McDaniels. But now it no longer depends what Milwaukee wants. Whatever Milwaukee wants, give it to them. The Greek freak comes over here. We'll watch him and Edwards do their thing.

Make the deal. Paul George working for the Philadelphia 76ers these days. The NBA Upton suspended. They suspended him 25 games for violating the drug policy. He says he's been taking some pills for his mental health and screwed up, took the wrong pill. Gummies. Maybe it was gum drops that everybody's into these days. Yeah, I don't know what the hell happened here.

Took some improper medication. He takes full responsibility. He apologizes to everybody. Took the wrong dope. Wow. My brother's had a cold lately, and my mom was telling me yesterday that he was like, you know what, I'll just take whatever you guys got in the cupboard. Let me see what you got in here.

Didn't care. So he's like, I guess I could try that, try that. And then he found an inhaler. Inhaler that's two years old. And he thought, this will work. This will be great. Took a hit a couple hours later. He was like, Mom, you know what's going on with my mouth?

he ended up getting like thrush basically in his mouth because he took somebody else's medication. And I'm here, I'm listening to my mom telling me the story and I'm like, oh my God, what an idiot. Why would you do that? What's wrong with some day quill. Earlier Ashley said I'd be pretty cool on some Xanax. Yeah, he'd be pretty level-headed. She thinks that my personality be a lot cooler if I was on Xanax. Definitely bounce you out a little bit.

Yeah, but, you know, just make sure you get yourself prescribed it. Don't take other people's medication. It doesn't work out. I don't want mouth rush. Don't grow up down south in a black family because they pass around. You got a cough or you feel some. Here, take this. They just hang you some out of day person.

I'd be like, Mom, you can't be giving people your medication. She goes, that's what it's for. I see, that's what it's for for you. Yeah. Not for them. You didn't ask them how it was a pressure. You didn't ask if they've been suffering a stroke. Do you hear, that's why you hear all that stuff now.

If you suffer from all this, this, this, this, and this, that's to keep you from not giving your medications to somebody else. You know what? See, Willie Miles, my mother was the same type of person. She was always trying to push her dope on us. Take this. And you'd be like, what is it? I don't know.

Just put in your mouth. You know, you'd get a cold. And my mom would say, well, and I have a cold currently, if you can't tell. You get a cold, and my mother would say, well, I had a cold a cold a year. year and a half ago, here are the medications that I was saying. It doesn't work like that. No, number one, like C Willie Miles said, those were prescribed to you. Right.

You are 35 years older than me. You have certain conditions that I might have. And also, they're a year and a half old. But no, same thing with food. It's a wonder that my mother lived as long as she did. She was not afraid to eat food that was ex-pired. My wife's the same way. I don't like to play that game.

Me either. Beyond expired. Beyond expired. She's the same way. My wife does the exact same thing. Sniff test down the shoot. Right. That was it.

Tess on the pill. Once you're cooking, it'll be fine. Oh, the food. The food. The food. It would be a bag of brown schweigert or something from 1997, you know. Throw this out. What the hell?

And she'd give it a little snout. No, it's fine. And my wife's a complete opposite. We were making something yesterday. And she said, check the, expiration date on that milk. I'm like, oh, it expired yesterday. We're fine. And she goes, no, we're not. No, we're not. I'm the same way. Yeah, no, I'll throw it away. If it's anything dairy, get that out of my face.

It was almond milk, if that makes any difference. Yeah, I don't play that game. But I've never had much balls when it comes to drugs other than if I'm getting on an airplane, then I'll take whatever you got. But you talk about, you know, taking your, Ashley's brother is raking through other people's medications. Honestly, it depends what kind of day it is. Well, that frightens me. Drugs in general, drugs in general do frighten me. I'm the same way.

I'm frightened of what they will do to me. Yeah, I've always been more on the cautious side, but then there's been times where I haven't been cautious at all. It's just either both extremes there for me. By the way, people are texting in saying, Randy Shaver sounds like a heavy kid hovering over a birthday cake. Somebody else texted and said he sounds like he's on a surfboard right now. I don't understand what's different.

I don't know. We can hear. You have a headset, Mike, right? I do. Is it like at a different angle than it usually is? I couldn't tell you. I don't think so. I couldn't tell you. I bet if you put it a little bit above your mouth, it might be better.

We can hear all of the wind making its way in and out of your respiratory system. I'm sorry. You don't have to apologize, Randy. Yeah, that's better. It's not your phone. We've got $2 equipment. That's true. That headphone set you have.

It was like $30 or less. Right. Was that the one I used to use? So it's kind of like a McDonald's Drive-thruh? I don't know. Randy, do you have Thrush? If so, then that's the one Ashley used. Now you sound fine. It comes with the territory, Randy, but for a stretch of time. Not your fault.

You sounded like a 1980s horror movie telephone stalker. You know what I mean? I don't want to sound like Brad. Sorry. Oh, my God. You sound like a heavy kid hovered over a lake. That's a wonderful.

You should, you sounded like an 80s horror movie character. Randy, in a couple minutes, you should just say into the microphone, say, have you checked the children? Have you checked on the children? What movie was that? What movie was that? It was from the 70s. It used to be that line used to be, I can remember before the news came on, there would always be that line. It's 10 o'clock.

Do you know where your children are? Yes. That's so creepy. That line was on TV right before the 10 o'clock news started. What was going on where they felt the need to be like, hey, where your kids? Just a public reminder to everybody. Because back then, Ashley, people didn't care where their children were. Yeah, we were outside.

It's 10 o'clock. You know where your children are. When I was a little kid. You know what? Now that you ask, I have no idea where they are. Right. Kids. Oh.

When I was a little kid, I was watching that 70s horror movie where the babysitter is sitting on a couch for the evening while the children she was babysitting are upstairs in the bedroom. And she keeps getting a telephone call over and over and over again. I think it might have been called when a stranger calls. It might be. They're a similar. Anyway, so she would pick up the telephone and there'd just be a voice that would say, have you checked on the children?

And this continued to torture her all night long. She's calling the police. They can't help her, this, that. I'm a little kid watching this. And the whole payoff was at the very end of the movie. The phone rings. It's the police who have been attempting to trace the call and the police say to her,

get out of the house. The call is coming from inside the house. Love that movie. And then you see a shadow making its way down the stairs. And she's trying to get out of the house. But the doorknob is always stuck. And here I am like a six-year-old kid. I was horrified.

I must have watched like a remake of that movie because I remember being a little kid and watching that. And that, like, you just gave me my body anxiety thinking about me watching that movie for the first time. It had the same exact effect on me. They did have a remake, Ash. Oh, okay. 06. Yeah. I didn't know that.

When a stranger calls. Or it was called, don't answer the phone. He'll know you're alone. We don't. Like I said, there were similar. When a stranger calls sounds right, Nick, because there was one of those in 1979. Right. There you go.

Yeah. I still make jokes about that, how people run. Like, yeah, that door opens like nine out of ten times. Yeah. And as soon as someone is chasing you, then it's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Your fingers don't work. Yeah.

Your legs don't work. You're standing at the door. Like, you don't know. You've never opened a front door before. Oh. And there's a big picture window right next to it. Just dive out, man. Dude, it didn't fear it's the heck out of it.

Put a chair through the window. I always say that's why you don't see a whole lot of black people in horror movies. It'd be over the first day. Cut, cut. You're supposed to go out the door. Bruh, the door ain't going to open. I've seen this before. Okay.

Oh, man. I didn't know that telephone calls could come from inside the house at that point in my life. I was a six, seven-year-old kid. that horrified me. Oh, yeah, that's probably a whole different level for you. What do you mean? You can make a telephone call to the house from inside the house. You're just getting in the house.

How to hell did you get the bean above the freaks? Wait, yeah, how do you do that? Unless you got two lines. Maybe it's not possible, Josh. That's a plot hole. But in the movie, they made it seem as if it was possible. In 2006, that makes sense. Dude's on a cell phone.

How did they do that in 1979? He brought his old way in line with, he connected it up. Just a super long cable. into the neighbor's house he's plugging it into the neighbors I'll tell you if you go to a pigs game expect free hockey

that's just their vibe they like to give you they want to give you their money's worth for crape's sake the fellas played what I believe was their 22nd overtime game of the season last night at home playing against the Montreal Canadians the Russian kid scored a power

play goal in overtime and they got out of there with a 4-3 win the Russian kid also scored an earlier goal. Boldie. Back to Hughes. Caprisov. Fires.

He's scoff. Yeah, sure. No offense to Anthony Lepanta, but we always laugh our balls off when he does that over-dramatic stuff. Does sound exhaust. The Russian kids got 32 of those

on the season now. How about Quinn Hughes? He's now got 50 assists. Booger! Wow. Booger from Revenge of the Nerds. You're right. What a great trade.

And I read not too long ago They were comparing the stats of the three players they dealt for Quinn Hughes And those three guys are all struggling Oh yeah? Yeah, statistically. I couldn't even tell you who they were. I forgot as well. I forgot.

That one kid, Rossi. Oh, yeah. That's a name I recognize. Oh, the other kid, Zev Boim, Bim, Bim. Yeah, right, right. Yep. Who was the other? Anyway, 50 assists on the season.

You're right, Booger, real name Dudley Dawson. He's got a nine-game point streak going. That's a record for a pig's defenseman. Old Phil between the pipes, 17 saves. It says here, wild defenseman Damon Hunt left the hockey game after taking a puck to the throat. Oh, God, that's got a hurt. A puck to the throat, they said.

Up next, they play in Tennessee tomorrow night. And after that, they go on. strike for the Olympics. Nick, people are saying back in the day, I had no idea, you could call your own number and it would ring. I think all the fun I missed out on. Yeah. I could have messed with my siblings.

That sounds familiar. You have to hang up before the last dial went for the last tone went. Huh. I'd never heard that before. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that surprises me that me and my friend group wasn't aware of that because we were prolific with the telephone. Between my fifth and ninth grade years,

that's pretty much all we did. Once school was out, we got into the beer, we'd watch Guns and Roses or Kiss on VHS, and then we started with the prank phone calls. It's all we friggin did, and we got really, really good at it. Boy, yeah, we're getting a ton of text saying that's how you did it. We knew how to operate double lines, triple lines. I knew how to unscrew the mouthpiece, so my voice couldn't be hurt.

I didn't, I never, we never explored that calling your own home. No. I mean, I've told this before, but our prank phone call career was so prolific. We were pranking Japan. That cost money back in the day. Yep, but it was very easy to tell your folks, I don't know what you're talking about. That's a mistake. And then the folks called the phone company and say, we've got no business calling Japan.

and the phone company would say, okay, and they'd eliminate it. We were calling foreign countries. That's how dialed in we were to prank phone. That's crazy. So much fun, though. Speaking of the Olympics, now they start Friday. Word is, because this was a big story, the last couple of Olympics, there were a story after story about how the athletes were living in these garbage apartments

with cardboard beds and bugs coming out of the faucets and this and the... Apparently, if you care, the good news is their current living conditions in Italy, where they're going to be sleeping and having sex. For the next couple of weeks, they're beautiful, just beautiful. The beds are comfortable and there's air conditions and everything. Yeah, last time it weren't like the beds made out of cardboard or something like that. They weren't sex-friendly. I remember that's what everybody's talking about.

If you got three, four Swedish skiers on that bed, it would just crumble. It's not going to work. That's an Olympic sport onto itself. Yeah, you got to train for that. Right. Yeah, you come back from the Olympics, your friends say, wow, you look physically cooked. Was it because you were competing in the snowboarding company?

No, I took on three, four Swedish girls on a cardboard bed. You don't want to be a punk in that fight. What medal do you think you could get if you were going to take on three, four Swedish girls? When I was a 20-year-old kid? Yeah. Would you meddle in it first and foremost? What's his nuts with the marijuana in the swimming pool? What's his name?

Michael Phelps? He wouldn't be... I'd bury Michael Phelps in the gold medal. You'd be a gold medalist. Oh, multiple times over. A 20-year-old kid and I'm in bed with three-four Swedish skiers? Yeah. Gold medals, Kurt Angle, Michael Phelps, Eric Heighton, all of them.

I'd bury all of them. I'd be on all the podium. Yeah. I'll get to gold, the civil, and the bronze. They call me Brodium. Right. Yeah. You're up there all the time.

But all of us, I think, when we were 20? Yeah. Of course. Sure. We'd go until there were no survivors. Right. Yesterday we rapped about how the damn United States, in the entire history of the Winter Olympics,

the United States has never won a single medal in the biathlon event where you're cross-country skiing and firing a weapon. Fair enough, who cares? can any of you name the Winter Olympic events where the U.S. has won more medals than any other country? Snowboarding. That's one. Let me tell you more about this snowboarding.

Ever since they added that to the... Randy Schaeber, are you cool with snowboarding in the Olympics? Sure. Okay. Ever since they added that gimmick into the mix, all those kids with nipple rings and purple mohawks here from the United States have gone all over the world and dominated. The United States has won 35

medals in snowboarding. No one comes close. I'm sorry, did you say this was only the Winter Olympics? Yes, we're discussing strictly. I just want to make sure, because I just learned, I thought gymnastics was a winter thing. Ashley, being Canadian, yeah, you probably know that the Canadians have won more medals than anybody else in ice hockey. I just wanted to throw that your way, Ashley, being a Canadian.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much. I would say figure skating would be a dominating event for the U.S. Now that is if you... Usually women's figure skating. Okay, that is correct. We're looking for the Winter Olympic events where the U.S. has won more medals than anybody else. So we got snowboarding. Synchronized swimming.

Why not? That's a summer event. What? You just can't get out of the summer, actually. I need to look at this list. That's a summer event. Friggin' Canadian. Do it in the winter, too.

It's inside. Who cares? Well, it's outside in the summer. Oh, is it really? I guess I've never noticed that. Figure skating Randy Shaver is correct. If you disclude Russia, it's very complicated here. Yeah.

But it explains that Russia has changed their gimmick over the years. You've got the Russian team, you've got the Soviet team, you've got... And at one point or another, they called themselves the unified team. You see what I'm saying? So it says here, when it comes to a singular unbroken entity, the United States is the figure skating leaders of all time. We've won, they've won, because I haven't taken part, 54 medals in finger skating. I would say speed skating, probably. I think of all the great speed skaters from the U.S.

No, there's only one more, Randy Shade. I think, I thought speed skating was like the. Top one, 71 medals. I didn't see that. So I'll have to take your word for it. I didn't speed skating? Speed skating. Yeah, speed skating.

So scary. I missed that. Like Eric Hayden, guys like that. Sure. Dominated that. I mentioned him earlier. 30 golds. Okay.

I missed that completely. The other would be freestyle skiing, whatever that is. Yeah. Freestyle skiing? Does I already do the tricks and stuff? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. It's a fairly new event, right?

I mean, it's only been around for 20 years. It's pretty new. Yeah, you can check it out on Wednesday, February 11th at 8.15 a.m. The freestyle skiing? Yep, I'm checking out the actual events now, so to make sure I don't make this mistake again. I'm actually kind of pissed because, like, that's what I was looking forward to, was gymnastics and the synchronized swimming.

And now I'm like, what's the point? Oh, I actually can't get her synchronized swimming fix. Yeah. She can be crabby the rest of the month. I did not see that coming. Whatever. This sucks. I guess I'll watch some snowboarding. Whatever. You'll have to wait two more years for that. I've never heard someone say their go-to Olympic event was synchronized swimming.

It's awesome, actually. It is so cool seeing that. People upside down? It's insane what they can do. And they're not touching the bottom. That's what's the craziest part. It is crazy. I'll go ahead and touch the bottom. Gold medalist right there.

You were really looking forward to gymnastics and what did you say? Synchronized swimming. out of the winter Olympics. Yeah, and nope. Now you've got to wait on that. Are you going to watch the hurdles? I would never mix that up. I can see that they're outside.

I mean, what are you and your husband planning a trip to the beach this weekend or something? It's frigging February. You're the first person I ever heard I'm really looking forward to Secret Nuts. They have crazy course strike. Those people are so talented. I got to re-watch it then because I always thought it

look kind of silly. I must be missing the athleticism. It's so, oh, the physical, I mean, and they're underwater for a long period of time, above and underwater. It's very taxing. They throw a gal up into the air and she lands perfectly on someone's shoulders and they're scissoring.

It's unbelievable. I know. My wife has a friend that does that. Really? Yeah. I mean, I've never seen her. I mean, they went to one of her events. I mean, I didn't go.

I can't have had. That's not my jam. That's actually. She's upside down. I don't even know which one she is. You know her feet? Oh, that's all that's her. Those are her feet.

They go shooting in and out of the water. Yeah, I've watched a little bit of that synchronized swimming. Yeah, not my jam. They look greased. Hmm. Yes, I agree. What's up with that? When they come out of the water, they don't just look wet.

They almost look greased. And so my question to anyone on planet Earth, who knows anything about synchronized swimming, do they cover themselves in something to make them more shiny when they're coming in and out of the water? Because they don't look wet. They look as if they're covered in Vaseline. It looks like Randy Orton before he comes out for a match because he always oils himself up. There's a little bit.

It's even brighter than that, Dana. It's even brighter than the body oil shine that comes off a television wrestler. Ha, a listener texted in and said, I'm probably confused because those are like the classic winter sports when you're in high school. When you're in school, like gymnastics takes place in the winter. And, yeah, so maybe that's why. It makes sense to me. We're trying to figure up. We've passed that.

I'm sorry. We got a grease problem, actually. That made me feel better. Okay, I'm watching the synchronized swimming. You guys are right. Yeah. Well, right about what? How, like, difficult this looks.

Are you noticing the shine? It's not a water shine. It appears to be lamp oil or something like that. It doesn't look like it here, but. Really? Okay. Yeah. We were joking the other day about doing a charity calendar of 93X half-ass morning show and everybody else that's associated with it.

What if we started our own 93X synchronized swimming team? Yes. Can I be the coach? I'm not doing that. For me and Nick, it'd be quickly drowning team. I get you guys in pool of noodles. One of those little boards you can land. Boogie board. One of the worst ideas I've ever heard.

Three deaths in a failed synchronized swimming. attempt on that morning, Joe. I never was much of a swimmer. People are texting in now saying they do cover themselves in some kind of gel, mostly to keep their hairdos in place as they're flying in and out of the drink. Oh. So that must be why they look so shimmery. Some type of gel.

Oh, my God. You going to make it, Nick? What do you care? I think he cares It's not your damn business Randy He's got three Swedish girls waiting for It didn't sound like he cared You're going to make it

Not Nowadays cubby those Swedish girls I'll go ahead with one today One next month You need a couple days in between I can't breathe The second might have to wait till Saturday or Sunday And the third, I'll just introduce him to my friend Merzo.

He'll take care of her. Merzo will handle it. There's a few people saying they'd be a gold medalist because they always finish first. Oh, there you go. Wow. Wow. Easy. Never tell you about my, never tell you this story about my bro Merzo?

Half man, half a Merzing. Quite the woodsman, always has been. I could see why. One time a couple three gals came over to my house And I don't know why I just decided Merzo's got to be a part of this You know so I called them I said hey bro

I got a couple three gals at the house I thought maybe you'd want to come over and you know Drink see what happens And he says Yeah man Let Clark Kent dump I'll get there Let Clark Kent

Duck into his phone booth real quick I'll be there about a half hour. He was already in your garage. He knocked on the door as soon as you said that. Josh mentioned earlier that tonight is the Pro Bowl. They sit down and play. Flag football. They have a thumb war or something at the Pro Bowl.

Tonight's the Pro Bowl. What do they do? Flag football. Flag football. Yeah, flag football. Touch. I don't know. It's stupid.

And there's been an article after, article about, you know, this guy made the Pro Bowl, even though he's not very good. And this guy made the Pro Bowl, even though we threw 11 interceptions and won't. It doesn't matter anymore. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. I've seen those headlines that the Shador Sanders kid making the Pro Bowl, they say it killed the Pro Bowl.

Like, the Pro Bowl, that body's been cold for a long time, man. It's been buried. Yeah. Right. Even as a kid, I thought it was stupid. And I loved anything to do with sports when I was, you know, young grown up. When I was a kid, I liked the Pro Bowl. Yeah, you weren't.

I did, too. You're not old. enough right now to remember, you know, you've got to be in your 50s to realize when the Pro Bowl was real. Yeah. Yep. It was real. It was absolutely, these guys played, they, they made money off of Steelwoods getting bonus money for tackles and the Seventhons in the Pro Bowl. And if you started in the Pro Bowl. Well, now. Well, I remember, they only played like 12 or 13 regular season games. Exactly. I mean, they were pretty fresh. By the time the end of the season came, if you didn't make the playoffs or were eliminated from playing in the Super Bowl that there weren't that many teams and

there were a lot of great players. And there was that many opportunities back then to see them on TV, unlike today, where we see every single game you want. But back then, they were, they were playing against, they were absolutely playing against the best players in the NFL. They were playing against the, that's not the case. No. And I also, they don't have to go.

I also think there was some monetary. of rewards for that, that again, back then you weren't making that much money like they do now. So the money actually meant something to it. Right, absolutely. Like we've said before about baseball, when I was a kid, I mean, I still love the Big League All-Star game. When I was a kid, you couldn't pry me away from the television because you got to see the great National League players that did not come to town here when the twins were strictly. and the American League was. So that's how it was for me with the Pro Bowl when I was a kid.

I got to see players that I didn't always see on television. If the Vikings didn't play them during the regular season, if I didn't catch them on Monday night football, you know, this is my only chance to see, I don't know, Dan Fouts. Yeah. Think about how short-sighted that is. When you look back, when they created the American and national,

the leagues, how short-sided that it was to not cross over and play so that the fans could see all the great players. It just, you think about it now and you go, how stupid was that? Right. That they didn't do that. It could have grown the game and made it that much more exciting, especially because of what you're talking about. There was no cable TV.

You couldn't watch all the games. Right. Yeah. It's just such a short-sighted thing. I liked it. I liked that separate. because it made the World Series that much more special, and it made the All-Star game that much more special.

But the only time I ever saw Pete Rose play baseball in person was at the All-Star game in 1985. Just an example, Pete Rose. Not that I'm a big Pete Rose guy, but it just has a... Now, okay, we got this football game coming up Sunday. A string of earthquakes has been rumbling through the neighborhood. Oh, cool. Where they're hosting this ball game, Santa Clara, California,

the San Francisco 49ers home ballpark. Earthquakes have been rumbling through town. Is that tied into the wires and the Transformers? Right. Is it going to be like the Dark Night Rises, the Batman movie where

the football field just collapses while they're playing? Players fall into a sink roll. So hopefully that's the end of that. We don't need any earthquakes over here. No, certainly. don't. Brings you back to the 89 World Series, obviously.

Right. 89, what does this say? I just said 89 out loud. 89 has nothing to do with this next direction. I'm going to take us. $1.7 billion will be legally bet on this year's Super Bowl. Rainy Shaver, how much money did you spend this football season on illicit degenerate gambling?

Probably not as, much as you would think. Yeah. More into fantasy football and a fan duel slash draft kings. How much money? I don't know. Oh. I'm not going to go there.

I don't want it to be public record. It's probably a good idea, Randy. Do you have Chauncey Billups phone number? I have his old phone number. Yeah. You had to get a new one. I don't have his burner phone. I deleted it.

I had a buddy he used to gamble with a bookie, and the bookie would get a new phone number every month. That's pretty cool. It's kind of badass. He'd meet up with him at a McDonald's. Actually, no, he wouldn't even meet up with the bookie himself. He'd meet up with the bookie's flunky at the uptown McDonald's every month to settle up one way or the other. I wish you'd met him at a cooler place, like a speakeasy.

Is it like the movies? Are they busting kneecaps if you don't pay up and stuff like that? I went with him one time. The guy was kind of dorky. If my buddy could have taken him if he needed to. Dana hasn't seen his friend in like three years. Yeah, you frigging degenerate gamblers, I'll tell you right now. 1.7 billion will be illegally gambled.

That's crazy. Well, if you're going to do it, you should do it on prize picks. I prefer underdog fantasy, actually. Wow. I like Dana's bookie. Oh, they use code names too. They never use real names. He has no idea what the guy's name was.

Of course. One of my closest pals, unfortunately, died young. And after he went, his wife called a few of his closest buddies over and said, hey, look, you can have his clothing. I would donate it to goodwill, but I thought it would mean something to you guys. It was very nice. So we take every one of us took something. and I took some kind of a flannel shirt.

And this happened to one other guy, too, in our friend group, where we were going to wash the shirt, and I found in his pocket, Redskins minus nine. Oh, no. Bills plus four. And it was, you know, Washington Bullets plus 1,200. And I knew this about him. I knew he had a bookie, and he bet on ball games day in, day out.

And those are the last numbers. He jotted down. How did he do? Did you pay me attention? I don't really know how he overall did. I'll tell you one quick story about him. One day I was just a setting at home by myself watching a random three o'clock NFL game. And here comes Dinkus up my driveway.

And he's got some ungodly amount of money on this ball game that I'm watching, this NFL game. And he's frantic because it's a close game. He needs to spread to go this way or that way. and he's frantic. It got so nerve-wracking for him he could not sit next to me and watch the game on television. He went into my bathroom and listened to it on the radio. My God.

My God. And I hear him in there, he's a son of a bitch! Oh, no, that's got to be a first down. He's screaming at the... Oh, my God. Jeez, Louise. Yep. When your buddy says, hey, I'm going to head out of town up to my grandma's cabin.

Nobody knows about his grandma has that cabin. Gonna go hide out. Right. I'll be back Monday maybe. It's either that, hide out at Grandma Cabin. Right. Or come to work on Monday with a broken ankle. Right.

Because the bookies goons got a hold of you. Oh, God. It says here that now the miserable Kansas City Chiefs might want to make a trade for Vikings' wide receiver Addison Jordan. We say quit talking about it and just do it. Yeah. You're right. Yep.

What do you think about this? It's your problem now. Yep. Make sure I have somebody from the team pick them up at the airport. Yeah. Don't let me run to car. You know what, Dana? I'll drive them to the airport.

I'll drive them to the airport. Ah. One more little scam for you before we move on with our miserable lives. This is cute. Some butlord scam artist has been running around pretending to be a coach from Michigan State's

football program handing out fake scholarships to kids. That's awful. Can you imagine how excited you do? Wow. Dana thinks it's hilarious. Had the rug pulled out like Michigan.

Michigan State, you guys weren't even on my radar. How did you know I was a terrific full back at a class A school in Iowa, right? Handing out scholarships to kids, they get all pumped, they tell their parents it's all the joke, it's all the scam. I'm just thinking like the effort that has to go into doing that for those guys. That's crazy. He's been contacting high school football prospects via social media, jerking these kids around, leading him to believe that their football dreams are about to come true,

offering him scholarships that he has no business offering. But I'm third string, coach. Yeah. But I'm 36 years old. Yeah, wouldn't you kind of know if you were not getting any offers at all or just small local D3 community college offers and all of a sudden Michigan States on your door? I think you kind of realize that it's got to be a scam.

Well, not everybody is on their toes all the time. Apparently this scammer character. Very likely a 35-year-old man who lives in and regularly jacks off in his grandparents' basement. Apparently... Up at the cabin. Yeah. Grandma cabin.

Where are you going, grandma cabin? Jack, Jack. Are you on the run from a bookie? No, jacking off. Always jacking off at grandma cabin. That's the best place for it. She's got the nice towels. Oh, God.

You went too far, Dan. Those are monogram towels on. Not. For jacket. Not even for drying. There's a cross-stitch thing on the wall. My grandma had a couch that wasn't for sitting. He had plastic on it.

You couldn't sit. That's for company only. Apparently, the scammer also pretended to be a coach from the University of Maryland football team. And Ole Miss, too. So these universities. Maryland in particular, the University of Maryland went online and outed this jabroney and said, young kids, college football prospects, don't answer this guy's telephone call. He's playing with you.

But, you know, anything's possible with that godless social media that you guys love so much. So he was taking money from him, too. And I wonder, yeah. Well, yeah, because otherwise, how are you getting scant? I mean, you're getting fooled, but you're not losing any money. Oh, I just thought he was in it for the fun just to watch a kid's face light up and then he hangs up. No, he was taking money from him. So the schools were saying, we don't do that.

I mean, that's not something. You wouldn't be paid for something like that. It's like the fake celebrities that slide into a DM like Johnny Depp messaging some single woman saying, hey, I'm in love with you, but I need $30,000 or some legal troubles right now. Right. It is not how often that happens. It does. It is very sad.

I don't love you that much. honey. This is an interesting question from a listener. Going back to, we were discussing, $1.7 billion or whatever will be legally bet on this year's Super Bowl. Good question from a listener. What percentage of that money will be directly from show Hyotani? Oh, wow.

Randy. What are you asking me for? Because you're the big baseball fan. Come on, he doesn't do that. All right. It was his handler. Yeah, it was his guy. That's pretty mean.

That dude calling up the college kids. Yeah, that is mean. Telling him, you're going to be our starting running back next year at Ole Miss. Oh, God. Telling all your buddies. Oh, I know. Maybe trying to land chicks. Right.

That's so bad. Chicks. That's humbling. Josh knows this. I do have a certain appreciation for a good scam. There are lines that I don't think folks should cross, but I'm a little envious of what some people can put together. You know what I mean?

There's some, yeah, that are so crazy convoluted, you think if they would just put their mind to something good, they could probably make some positive changes in the world. That one pal of mine was a fake realtor. He made some funny. He made some funny. He made some money pretending to be a realtor. I have a friend who got scammed something similar to that.

It was to rent a place. And he went to visit this person. It wasn't for rent. Right. And somebody just put an ad on it. I think it was Craigslist and said, hey, come on out. You want to take a look? And then he showed it to him and took the cash deposit.

And that was it. It wasn't for them to rent. That's crazy. You just mess with someone. You know. I'd never mess with Craigslist. No. Yeah.

I thought Oak Craigless was a scam by itself. Right. You know? It's not right to mess with people's emotions like that. Right. All right, you guys tell me, am I good scam artist or not? Listen to what I'm about to say and you tell me if you're buying it or not. Hey, Randy, thanks for your time.

It's unbelievable. Did I mean that or am I scamming it? Always appreciate it, Randy. You bet. Have fun down there in Florida. We'll talk to you tomorrow. We'll be back with more from C. Willie Miles here in a few minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show.

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Next role with Vernon Davis. I'm your host, Vernon Davis. Okay, y'all, thank you. Thank you. That's the matter. Today we have Dietrich Wys. Through my example, on the field, off the field, during game day and practice, that was one way that I led because they had led to success.

Next role isn't about what's next. It's about why they do it. My man, Bobby Bones. Like, I've had a lot of stuff happen, bad and good. And so I don't have any fear of mixing it up. That's powerful, man. Next role with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're back with C. Willie Miles on the 93X half-ass morning show. We're getting it done by God. Word. Word. Getting it done the best we know how. See, Willie Miles tells us that he just returned from a trip to Arizona. You've gotten a few rounds of golf, huh?

Yes, sir. Would that be your number one hobby, swinging those golf clubs? golf clubs up and down. Absolutely. Number one hobby. That's my number one hobby. That's the only hobby I have. The only?

Yeah, I don't do anything else other than, you know, I like watching TV. Watching series. Josh is good at that. You do love watching a series or two? Oh, yeah. Then you should talk to my cohorts here because they know all the series. Yeah, I'm a big fan. I'm just finished Landman.

I'm getting ready to start Paradise season. Josh, he watching. Landman. I watch Landman. Landman is awesome. It is awesome. You say you just started it? Just finished. Oh, just finished it. That's all good, right? Good stuff.

We just read recently, and I don't know what this says about us, you can go ahead and give you your opinion, of course, see, Willie, that Americans today, our number one field of expertise is television series, following reality television series. Was it specifically reality television? Yes. I think it was. is reality television. Our number one field of expertise is knowing all the characters and the ins and outs of reality television.

I don't touch that. You don't. No, I don't. I hate reality TV because it's not reality. I'm not a fan either. In reality, nobody's following you into the bathroom to take a dump with a camera. What? That happens in my house all the time.

Is that right? Let me ask the question. That is not. I just want you to know that's not right. Oh, shoot. It's not your fault. You don't have random camera men following you around in the bathroom? No, no.

You didn't do anything wrong, sir. You're doing what you're supposed to do. It's their fault. They're doing it. See Willie Miles' number one hobby is golfing. Period. So here's a question for everybody and all of y'all. Think about it if you have to.

If money wasn't a problem, if and you had all the money in the world, what hobby would you fully dive into? because probably everybody has something that they're drawn to as far as a hobby goes, but you ain't got the time and the money. In this case, you have all the money's possible. Cocaine. Wow. Can that be a hobby?

The good stuff. The pure, the uncut. The good stuff. No, seriously, it would probably be something like really nerdy. Like it would be really cool to be able to travel and see all of the active volcanoes in the world. By the way, you wouldn't be the first parent to raise a child while high on cocaine. Oh, gosh, no. You'd travel around and see all of the world's volcanoes?

Yeah. Oh, that's weird. It'd be sweet to see the active volcanoes. Okay. I'd be down for that. Feel free. 651-989-93-93. We'd love to hear from our listening audience on this.

Our Luther-Blovington-Kia text line, 651-989-93-93. If money wasn't a problem, what hobby is? would you fully dive into. All right. So Ashley's going to chase active. Volcanoes, active or otherwise. Yeah, I want to see some erections. No, she said active, period.

Just the active ones. That would be so cool. Has she ever expressed her lust for volcanoes before on this program? Yeah, I wasn't surprised by that answer. I don't know if she's brought it up or not. Look, I'm today's years old finding out Ash is Canadian. Yeah. Here, I'm thinking I'm talking to like a.

you know, Eastside St. Paul grow up her. I'm not Canadian. See, Willie Miles, it should have been obvious the way she says things like opinion and official. I did have like a weird obsession with Canada when I was younger for somebody. She often makes things official around here. She's very Canadian. I don't know what happened. Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

I blame my mom. All the money in the world, Cubby. You know, I don't know. Can you consider it a hobby to learn how to fly like a fighter jet or something? Yeah. Can that be a hobby? Jeff Bezo did it. That's what I want to become.

Learning how to fly a fighter jet. I want to fly a fighter. And I want to have, if you said all the money in the world, I'd want a whole fleet of them. Every kind you can imagine. I want to fly one, different one every day. Yeah. That's what I want. Where are you going?

I'm going to high V. I'll be right back. Oh, it looks like the lots full. And then I just start bombing the lot. Right. You'd be the most lethal fighter pilot in the world today. The government will likely call on you for a special mission. Yeah.

You mean, you're, you come to expect that. Are you ready for some kind of a... Not yet, but I'll get there. Yeah, you'll be prepared. Somebody texted in and said, darts. Think a little bit bigger. Think a little bit bigger. D-A-R-T-S darts?

Yeah. Wow. Well, it doesn't necessarily have to be huge. I mean, if they want to just... throw darts until the day that they drop dead? I guess some darts are really expensive. That's a lot of waste of money, though. You're not going to spend all the money with darts.

No, you're going to have a lot left when they put you in the ground. I think it would be cool, like, making recording studios or home theaters for people. Of course you do. Your hobby would be a job to do things for other people. It sounds like a blast to me. You're creating a recording studio or a movie theater? Yeah, like a big movie theater. something like that you know they got a lot of cable management and things like that

dana all the money in the world uh one very dorky thing would be i get really into collecting i love collecting things but i get to do on a grander scale like rare sports memorabilia rare sports cards uh you know vintage video games and stuff i'd get really into that i'm collecting f14 tomcats i'm collecting baseball cards i'm not on your level Josh just to be clear if I had all the money in the world, one of the first thing I was doing, I'm not hanging out with you guys. You never talk to us again.

Oh, this is a great one from health care economics. Jesus. Boy, God, I might want to change my answer. Auto racing, motorsports, that kind of thing. Oh, that would be sick. Yeah, that sounds. I'm not trying to die. I just want to golf all over the world. That's what I want to do. Yeah, that would definitely

be up there. Being able to golf. Oh, yeah. That would be so cool. I'm also not trying to die. Now that I have all the money in the world, I'm not racing cars, I'm not racing boats, I'm not going to be in a fighter jet. You know it'll be really cool, Josh, if you built that recording studio,

and then built that movie theater, and then blew it to pieces with your fighter jet. I got a whole bunch of them. I'm a whole bunch of them. I'm with C. Willie. I'm not going to be Super Dave Osborne running around risking my life. I've got all this money. I'm going to take care

of myself. My answer, I think, it's difficult on the spot, but my number one hobby is pocket billiards. But if I had all the money in the world, I could still play pocket billiards whenever I wanted to. My, what was the question again? If you had all the money in the world, what hobby would you dive into? If you want to call this a hobby, I would just be one of those guys who goes to ball games

in town. I think I'd use my money to buy seats at all the Twins games, Golden Gopher Football, Tim. number wolves and I would just spend my time going to live ball games eating ballpark food drinking beer and then sleeping in that would be it okay I changed my mind I want that exactly that was my that was my second answer behind being a dorky collector's being able to and afford the good seats too yeah so you're not just getting a ticket to get in the door you're actually sitting up front you're sitting close you're sitting in the suites baby so you're not you're no longer dreaming of staring down the mouth of an active volcano no that's it's a hundred and

36 degrees out. You're being murdered by bugs. You're in some third world garbage. Right. No, I'd rather be hanging out at the ballpark. I would never fly commercial again. Right. I would trade in my 440 and get a G5. You see, I don't have a 440. I don't even know what that is. I'm not, I'm not even rich enough to know what a 440 is. I just thought I would move on because I also did. Yeah, me either.

See, here's a thing for me personally is when, if I go to a Wednesday, 9th, Timberwolves game. I can't help it. If I go to look a Wednesday or a Monday or a Sunday night ball game, I look at the people in the rich seats and they're drinking and they're laughing and they're carrying on because they don't have a care in the world. They're not doing dick tomorrow. I hate my wife. So that's why I think this little dream has entered my mind. Just to be that guy, I'm at the game. Tomorrow doesn't matter for dick. That would be cool. not checking your phone going and doing the math like I got to get up at this time. Right.

No, don't go into overtime, that kind of thing. I don't even want to talk about it because I know that my life will never be like that unless I win the lottery. Hey, don't say that. You won't be with that attitude. And you can't have my dream, Ashley. You already said Voltaic, you got to take something else. Fine. Live your own.

You also can't have the G5. Right. I'm fine. Don't even think about the 440, Ashley. Right. What's going to have that? I won't need a more. Yeah, you're training that one in.

Jesus, here's someone who's obviously lost their ever-loving mind. Someone texted in. Again, the question is, if money was no problem, what hobby would you dive into? One of our listeners says, kids and more kids, I'd make all the kids in the world. I'd pump out all the kids. Honestly, yeah, it's pretty cool. Wow. Nothing hits harder than a newborn baby in the hospital room.

That was probably the best high I've ever had, my whole. whole entire life. And you've had a lot of highs, you told us. I mean, that's unbeatable. So somehow you're agreeing with this, all the money in the world? Yeah. It's going to pop out children? Yeah, that'd be great.

That doesn't sound like a dream. It sounds like a colossal nightmare. I mean, you have all the money in the world to make sure that everything goes right. You can hire 12 nannies. Yeah, you know, like you always have, they're going to get, the kids are going to get the best of the best. You can do whatever you want. You're not going to be able to do anything. Nine months out of being.

Yeah. I mean, managing nannies. You'd have no time for any fun. Bang them out, banging in, bang it out. Nothing but banging. You're going to stay on the table a lot, sounds like. It appears that a lot of our listeners, when asked the question if money was no object, what kind of a damn hobby would you dive into?

A lot of folks want to do things with motor vehicles. Yeah, there's a lot of techs. Yeah, restoring old cars and stuff. That'd be awesome. I wish I knew how to do that. Putting together their own race team, a lot of gear heads out there want to go that route. And that sounds great.

I just don't want to be behind the wheel. Because like, see Willie and I, we don't want to risk our lives. Now that our lives are wonderful and we're buried in money. Ooh, to run your own race team, though, that would be something if I... Yeah, that's not a bad idea. As long as you don't have to drive.

or fix it. Designing and building underground hideouts with escape tunnels and everything. We did that when we were nine without a dime in our pocket. We designed underground hideouts. Oh, yeah. When I was in school, we had an underground fort. That's cool. I'm super jealous.

You got all the world or you want to live underground? I don't know. But you get one of those really nice doomsday shelters? Yeah, everyone's a little different here. It is. Some folks just want to build an underground hideout with escape tunnels and everything. That sounds so dope. Sounds like you ever live

suspicious life. I'll tell you what, we're getting there. See, William Miles is sitting in with the half-ass morning show. We had a question for everybody and all of y'all, and that question was,

if money wasn't a problem, what hobby would you fully dive into? Got some answers here from our listeners. A lot of you are very reasonable, very sensible. Things like woodworking, restoring cars, beekeeping,

things to do with food, Woodworking would be cool. If that's a skill I always wish I had. Gambling. Gambling. Gambling all that money. Who cares? Yeah. That's not going to hurt.

Doesn't friggin' matter. What about traveling the country to see all the comedy clubs? Steelers fan Jesus wants to do that. A few people either said that with like my mother-in-law, her bucket list to see all the big league parks. That's what she wants to do before she dies. But comedy clubs, it's a new one. Here's a guy who knows a thing or two about comedy. comedy clubs. What's a comedy club that everybody should visit, see Willie Miles?

Comedy store in L.A. Yep. Well, yeah, the legendary one. Legendary. Yeah. Is that the one that Polly Shore's mom runs? Yep. Does she still run it?

Or own it? Yeah. She does? She's still around? Misty, yes. Polly Shore Mama? All right, here's some other answers that came in. From our listing audience, if money was no object, what hobby would you dive headlong into?

One of our listers says, I would get really, really high every day and go look for puppy dogs to save. Sir, that's my dog. It needs saving. No, it doesn't. I would rescue all of the puppy dogs. That's a good one, he says. School cop Jesus said he wants to donate to charity, but not cheesy charities.

He wants to buy kids cool stuff like dirt bikes, race cars, and chainsaws. That'd be awesome. Yeah, let's get a five-year-old the chainsaw. That's very cool stuff. need a winter jacket. No, son, you need a chainsaw. Those chainsaws come with a warning, though. Yeah. What's that? You've got to be careful. They'll make your ass raw. You've got to be careful.

Another listener texted in and said, I always hear about the high dollar prostitutes. If he's got all the money in the world, he wants to find out, you know, what gives. The high dollar escorts. This guy sounds like he came from the dark ages. Here's what he'd do with all that money. he said he would sail the seven seas I would sail the seven seas yes by yourself

or by himself that's never appealed to me he didn't really say me either being in the middle of the ocean where you can't see anything else that just that would freak me out so much but if you got one of those yachts that has like a smaller boat inside of it and a helipad

that can a helicopter can come pick you up that'd be pretty Cool. That's a floating city. I feel better. I don't know. I still would need like, and I know it can't be given to you when you're out in the ocean. I need like 100% guarantee nothing's going to happen to me out there. I'm so afraid of drowning or like being in a terrible storm. Oh, no. This is true. So how many of those seven Cs you think you'd get to? Like a half. Maybe a half of one C. Oh, half of just one C. Gotcha. Here's a listener that says money is no issue, huh? I would like.

to, oh, child support in every country in the world. Tornado chasing. Wow. That sounds fun. I took a class for that once, so it was really, really cool.

And then coincidentally enough, I saw a couple tornadoes that summer. I think they knew that I took the class. They were afraid you? Yeah. You ever stare down one of those tornadoes? Yes. I've been in a couple of hurricanes.

I'm from Alabama. What about a full-on tornado? Yeah? Yeah? Sky gets all green. I only saw one and I was in Canada. It was a long time ago. Yeah, yeah.

There's nothing. It wasn't until I came to Minnesota where I saw people would literally go outside and look for one. Yeah. Oh, there's a tornado and they go, where? It's like, well, you know, Willie, come here? Nope, in the basement.

Didn't have basements where I live, so. We were in Canada. I was about a 12-year-old kid. and it was the day that we got to this fishing resort up in Canada, so we've unpacked our bags, and we're all just kind of standing around. We're standing on the dock where we're going to keep our boats for the week for this fishing trip, and the sky was ominous, and suddenly, right above the bay that we were all staying at,

this tornado begins to drop from the sky. And it never made it all the way down. I ran, but one thing that I'll always remember is it was so perfectly shaped. Right. It almost looked like some hippie created it in pottery class as it was slowly dipping down. Once it got about three quarters of the way down, I ran like hell. And then it just sucked back up into the sky. Like I said, many of our listeners have very reasonable answers when it comes to a hobby that they would dive into if money was no object.

model trains and miniatures. Oh, yeah. Miniatures are so fun. When I was a kid, I thought hobby trains were super cool. They are cool. Yeah. That's why. My brother and I received a train set.

Probably around the same time as I saw this tornado. We were about 12 years old for Christmas. My dad got us this train set with the tracks and the little houses and the neighborhood and the trees and the tree. Cute. And we were all over it for, oh, I'd say about 12 hours. and then we never acknowledged its existence ever again. Oh, really? I love that little, that came with like a little town.

I like that kind of stuff. Like those little villages that you can get for Christmas and Halloween and all that. Oh, yeah, I would become weirdly into that. Like I would have a whole, whole entire room dedicated to my villages. But like I said, I think on Christmas Eve, my brother and I wore ourselves out playing with it. And then every other night my dad would say, hey, you guys are going to go down and play with that train set? And we'd say, no. You can give it away.

Good try, Dad. One guy wants to take up muff diving. Oh, sure. You don't need to be rich to do that. You don't need a dime. Not a dollar, buddy. You need nothing to your name for this. Just need confidence.

Thanks, partner. Hey, appreciate it, man. Yeah, good seeing you again. It was always, man. I miss you guys. Can I please mention that I am doing a Valentine show? Yes. For your listeners out there.

We'd love to hear about it. Crunners for Valentine. I have a 530 show. You can still come see my show, go to dinner, and still be able to make it to go out to the bars or whatever you want to do. That's a perfect time. What's the date? On Valentine's Day?

I only do my Valentine's show on Valentine Day. I don't care if it's a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, but I think this is a Saturday. Oh, yeah, yeah, it is a Saturday. So I am back in town just for that. That's awesome. Where can folks get tickets to this? at, I don't know.

Oh, crooners. Oh, Cooners are just Google Cee Willie Miles at Croners or Cooley-Willey-Miles Valentine. It'll come up. Well, just Google me. I'm sure we can post a link. I'm sure we can post a link. And then any one of them has a link to my tickets. There's only a few tickets left.

That's what I want to say, too, because it's my last few shows have sold out. We've got people taxed insane. They've already got tickets. Look at that. That's great. Another text said that, you know, who really like trains? Josh's mother. God dang it.

Whoa! Perfect. We were almost out of here. Almost. That's my fault. And I just said goodbye. Woo-woo. But no, I had to promote my show.

Chug it, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugged. Josh mom is caught up in a train. You guys are mean. That's not right. Happy 44th birthday to Jackie from her husband, retired Air Force Jesus. Jackie? Yep. And they're basically 17 kids.

Happy 10th to Ellie, just hitting the double. Digits and happy birthday to app developer Jesus from Interior Design, Jesus. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune-tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat.

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