93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Buy N Bulk Ho

Episode Date: February 2, 2026

Originally Aired February 2, 2026: Fight to the death: holiday character edition, ho. Using a blowtorch on gas lines, ho. Everything you wanna know about punching his hair off, ho.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-assed morning show. Ninety-three. And right what Chuck, Chuckers, it's Groundhog Day. Well, it's Groundhog Day.

Again. You have that energy, that's Groundhog Day energy out there. Cleavage, when it first pops out, like late March, early April. It's almost like Groundhog's Day. It's like, oh, it's going to be an early spring. The big question on everybody's list. Yeah, their chap lips. On their chaplets?

Chapelets. Right. Do you think Phil's going to come out and see a shadow? Showtime. Oh, sure. The old groundhog day gimmick, huh? Love the movie. Oh, so good.

Never really cared for the actual bit. You know, where an animal is drugged and physically abused for our entertainment. That was your thing. I never really got into that. I didn't either. Outside of the movie, it's not. the only reason I'd pay attention. Didn't it die one time in the guy's hands when they yanked it out of the cage or wherever

the hell they have it in? Yeah, was that true? I've heard that before. I've heard it's terrible. Yeah. Like the head just popped off. Right, literally. He just died in the guy's hands.

Back years ago, that Puxitani Phil, the famous groundhog, back in the day, the entire town killed him and ate him. It was real dark, right, when it first started? They killed him, and then they ate him up. They grilled him up and had dinner. They didn't even cook him. Just wrong. They bathed in its blood.

Used as war paint on their faces. Yeah, after he gave his weak little weather forecast, they just clubbed him to death. And ate them. That's a true story. Well, anyways, welcome to the friggin' program. 93x half-ass morning show. It's Monday. Everybody's psyched.

Beyond excited. somebody was smoking gange back to this Puxatani Phil character somebody was the social media people over the weekend I think they were as my buddy Todd once accidentally said I think they were smoking quiff over the weekend Josh

did he mean that or was that a joke I love that story my old buddy Todd hard drink hard living some bitch. This is how Todd talks right here. He's a former iron worker, Todd. Got a mustache.

Oh, yeah, he's intimidating. Drinks a case of Budweiser every day. Sounds cool. He is pretty cool. When he was younger, he would drink himself bananas, right? And in the morning, he'd get right into the coffee. A lot of coffee.

cigarettes and coffee. It would get him going, right? Because he'd be so brutally hung over. So we'd get into cigarettes and coffee right away. And every minute that went by, he'd be talking even faster. Faster and faster and faster from the caffeine and the nicotine. And one morning we're all sitting together up. Josh, you're headed to this neighborhood over the weekend.

We were up on Round Lake. Nice. Yeah. And Todd's sitting there. He'd like to be the center of attention. And we're all sitting in a circle in the morning. everyone hung over and Todd's telling stories and he's talking stories about smoking pop

when he was a kid and the problem was he got he gets to talking so fast that words start to get mangled so he says this one morning yeah back in high school we were sitting around smoking queef and my buddy donnie walks up to me and everyone said hang on a second what

time out how do you roll that did you just say you were smoking quiff I bet you could bong quiff we were sitting around and we were smoking smoking quiff He meant to say gief. Yeah, that's great. But it came.

So it wasn't actually, it wasn't, because I got a buddy who would screw up words all the time and had no idea. Now, Todd just talked too fast. He got too excited. Too many cigarettes, too much coffee. I think that's part of his intimidation. You remember Todd? Yeah. We went to a couple of Edge Fest with Todd.

Was he there? Yeah. I don't recall. Yeah. That's where I first met him. He always seemed, well, the times I'm totally out of his mind? I wasn't going to say that, but angry. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he always, and the way you described, the way he talked is exactly how I remember. Yeah, he was out of his mind. I saw him a few months ago for the first time in years. Nothing's changed. Anyway, I think over the weekend, a lot of the social media people were high. Because they came up with this now. I think knowing that we were on the verge of groundhogs. day or ground hogs

day. I'm not sure which is the legit way to say it. The social media people came up with a random poll which holiday character would win if they all cut loose into a free-for-all

fight to the death. If Krampas counts, that's who my money time. Oh, yeah, that's good one. I mean, I think crampus should count. Wow. See, no one here said Dick Tracy about crampus. They're all on queef.

A lot of the young people are. Smoking quefe. You could have let me sit here for 10, 12 hours. I wouldn't have come up with crampus. That's brilliant, Josh. Cranpus is some kind of a Swedish killer bear that eats children and things like that. Am I close? Yeah, you're close.

I'm trying to remember the story of crampus. You're in the wheelhouse. I never want to come up with that. So, again, which holiday character? would win if they all took part in a free-for-all fight to the death. Feel free to throw yours our way if you have an idea. 651-9-8-9-93-93. That's our Luther, Bloomington, Kia, text line.

Wasn't the lepricron from South Park kind of a dick? The lepericon? I don't remember. I mean, it wasn't that long ago I watched the Imagination Land episode. I don't remember the lepricon. A leprecon or the leprechaun is mentioned in here. The number one answer is Santa Claus. Well, if you listen to one weird Al song, then I'd say it went crazy.

He got some guns out and he barbecued blitz in and he did all sorts of things. That's right. He did, didn't he? Yeah, he did. So if you listen to Weird Al, which you should, and you believe in Weird Al, which you should, you should know that Santa's got a mean side to him. He can get a little pissed off at times. Oh, here's a good one of holiday, you know, folks that would win in a fight.

Jesus, Turkey Butt McGee says Jesus. Yeah, he is all powerful. I bet he can make some stuff happen if he wanted to. We're counting Jesus Christ into this? Why not? And when's he going to make that return? He's been talking about it for a while. Jesus, crime, and he talk about milking it.

No kidding. Will he, won't he? We've been dealing with this for over 2,000 years. 2,000, he says. All right. Santa Claus, okay, the character that you explain from the Weird Al song sounds terrifying. But regular Santa? Yeah, he's just like a fat, jolly man.

I was thinking like the Easter Bunny, mostly because I have like a bunch of creepy pictures from when I was a child where my mom took me to see the Easter Bunny. And that thing looked terrifying. The mall Easter Bunny? Oh, I mentioned it. Yeah, I have some photos of me back in the day, too. Ashley where it's just creepy as all hell. Yeah, like those eyes, something about the eyes. There was really no way to stuff a human being in a bunny costume

and make it look anything other than terrifying, right? Yeah, for all of us. Good point. Good point. Like, Nick, we don't have photos when we were kids, but I do remember going to see the Easter Bunny at Southdale. That's where they take us to see all the holiday festivities, right? And I remember I'm smelling like a hobo and not being in much of a good mood. Do they still do that whole Easter Bunny thing?

cheap whiskey on his breath, probably. I don't know. Good question. Yeah, I haven't seen it. Christ Almighty, when we used to go see our grandparents when we were tiny little kids, some grown person in my grandma and grandpa's hometown, some grown person on Easter Sunday would put on a bunny costume and hop down the sidewalk. And as a little kid that was thrilling, right? Because we'd pull into town and my dad would say, well, there are the some bitches right there. And we as kids will be like, oh, my God, it's an Easterbody.

Do you think he knows that we're driving into town? But as an adult, I think, who the hell was that guy? Yeah, I completely blocked this out of my memory. But after it was like the year of COVID, so I think that's why I never brought it up. I was living in Bayport, and the same thing happened. There was just like a grown man in an Easter bunny costume walking around the neighborhood. And I thought, that guy is a serial killer. Yeah, somebody's going to die to know.

Community service, maybe? Oh, maybe? Yeah. It's probably a type of person in there. Card ordered. P isn't funny. P is P. Jesus says the easy answer for holiday character, tough guy, John McLean. Yeah, that is a holiday character, isn't he?

See, that's the thing is we could go in so many different directions here. Now we'd have to settle in and have an argument over who's a holiday character and who is not. I don't think any of us care enough to do that. So Americans were asked which holiday character would win in a fight. to the death if they all went at it at once. The majority of people went with Santa Claus, Chris Cringle. So since I mentioned that Weird Al song,

I pulled the lyrics, I just want to read a little passage from the book of Weird Al. Well, the workshop is gone now. He decided to bomb it. Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet. And he tied up his helpers and held the elves hostage, and he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage. That's brutal.

I bet he would taste good. Weird Al is immortal. You got dark in that one in a very funny way. You're right. A lot of folks say that Cupid, who comes from Valentine's Day, he would win this all-out holiday character fight to the death. I'm guessing because he's armed. Yeah, he comes equipped.

He's good at archery. Somebody text in and said Cupid would be a good one because love makes you do crazy things, sure. Mm-hmm. I love Cupid. That's so adorable. He is pretty cute. A little diaper. Yeah, I guess he's not all intimidating.

The archery stuff is one thing, but he's also wearing a diaper. That's how he gets you. Yeah, he lulls you into a sense of security. And you get a bowl through the eye. It's an adult diaper. It wouldn't be a bow. Well, yeah, he could probably hit you with the bow. It depends. I mean, an arrow.

It's an adult diaper because he's very sick. No. You didn't know that? He's incontent. Love sick? Yes. Yes. He's lovesick. He can't help it urinate and defecate himself, so they had to put an adult.

Now this leprechaun is mentioned. He represents, I'll get there, St. Patrick's Day. I don't know why a tiny little lepricon would be the pick to win this holiday character fight to the death. Some people gave their opinion like this. They said, never underestimate the Irish. Well, maybe it's because those horror movies from back in the 80s. I never saw one of those. They look pretty stupid. Never saw it. I only know it from Wayne's World when Wayne would intimidate Garth by doing,

I'm the lepricron, and Garth would be very terrified. I don't like the vibe they give. They do kind of scare me. They seem scrappy and suspicious. It's one of those random facts I have my brain for no reason whatsoever, but I think one of Jennifer Aniston's first roles in acting was one like leprechaun three or something like that. Yeah, it was a war movie, wasn't it?

Yeah. I remember being weird. It was one of the leprechaun movies. God, I saw a movie the other day. Oh, God, it was terrible. I think it may have been, you guys love that Keanu Reeves. Of course. John Wick.

I think it may have been his first starring role. It was so bad. 86. Same year he, uh, was in another awful movie, Youngblood, the hockey movie with Rob Lowe. I wanted to watch that so bad. My parents wouldn't let me. 86, it was called...

Is it one step away? No, the Brotherhood of Justice. Maybe it was a TV movie. Maybe it was in a motion picture you saw in the theater. Oh, yeah, I found it. Oh, it was so, so, so, so bad. Anyway, let's not get off track. I'm sorry. I'm still battling something here. I'm going to interrupt myself a lot with my smokers hack.

Again, holiday characters, which one would win if they were all in a free-for-all fight to the death? See, you got your Santa Claus, your Cupid, your leprechaun. The next that folks mentioned is Pucksitani Phil, the Groundhog who represents Groundhog Day. And then this is the one that threw me. The Tooth Fairy, which is a... How much holiday does she represent? Yeah, it's not a holiday. It's not a holiday. Again, they're high on that quief.

But I always did wonder, once I got a little older as a kid, what's she doing with all these teeth? That's awful creepy. I never thought of that. Yeah, you're right. It's odd. Why does she want that? She's someone texted in and said, the Grim Reaper.

He doesn't, does he represent a holiday? Is that Halloween? Maybe Halloween? Does he represent Halloween? I guess I've seen people dressed as the Grim Reaper for Halloween? I mean, yeah, if it's Halloween, then, shoot, there's a ton there. Yeah. Others went with Uncle Sam.

Yeah, you know, we got a couple texts on Uncle Sam. He's a badass. Who, he's straight out of Independence Day. Tom Turkey for Thanksgiving. I'm not terribly afraid. Does he choke on a wishbone or something? I'm not terribly afraid of a turkey. Father Time.

You can't beat Father Time. I'm kind of a first. rate of just turkeys in general. They've got to freak me out. I hate when they're out and about in my front yard. No one wants to, you know, like walk up and hug a wild turkey. Yeah, they'll mess you up. Would you throw a 20 down and bet on it to win a brawl?

Me versus the turkey or the turkey versus other things? Any fight that you can come up with. I guess it depends who it's facing because if it was me, the turkey would win. The answer is no. I would give up. I would lay down. I can see why punks of Tony Phil might be kind of a wide. wild card in this situation because they do get the guy up in the basically the middle of the night.

And who wants to get woken up and dragged out of bed and held up for people to see? I'd be a pissed off groundhog too. Don't wake Dana. So we're talking holiday characters. I got a, I got one for you. I know my pick. If we're talking holiday characters, how about the dude who plays along with no nut November? We've done that before.

I bet that poor bastard is dangerous. Yeah. Right? Unlike day 30. Once we approach December, it's trouble. Yeah. He hasn't torn one off in weeks. You don't look at that guy the wrong way in public.

You got to get the poison out. The dude who's playing along with no nut November takes all of these other bitches out. I haven't heard people talk about that in a while. Yeah, I'm kind of glad that thing died down a little bit. Or National Masturbation Month, which is coming up. I think that's in May. Oh, is it? I think so.

Well, let's all celebrate together. Early? Yeah. Right now. There you go. That's the conversation that was happening a couple days ago on the godless, soulless and wildly misinformed social media. That's good.

I was having a bad morning. Now it's changed. I thought today was El Pastor Eve. I thought chicken El Paso'Otel was coming back tomorrow. Turns out that's not until the tent. I was looking for it. I was texting people last week. I didn't understand a word you said, but you know what?

there's a lot of heart behind what you're saying. You know, it is. It's a passion about Chipotle. It's a whole week away now. I know, not cool. Tell me about this. So it's like a limited menu item. They tease us with it just for a short amount of time.

Over there at Chipotle. Yeah, and I'm a fan. They bring it back kind of like they do the McRib at McDonald's. Exactly. And people get really, really excited when it comes back. And I got a couple of buddies who feel the same as me. And I told them, dude, this week, we got to hit up Chipotle, at least once. And then I love.

looked it up today and I was off. It's not until the 10th. Well, maybe you go there today and you kind of just start tailgating and waiting in line for the 10th when it comes out. Why don't know what to talk about holiday characters who could beat each other up? We could have a conversation about that as we wait in line for an entire week. Yeah, you're just waiting in the line. Oh, no, go ahead.

I've got days here. I like flavored chicken, but I'm not doing that. Yeah, no, I know. I can't imagine. I've never heard of this movement. The El Pasoer chicken? Well, you've got to be in the Chipotle community, I guess, to get into it. Very good.

It reminds me of Chris Griffin when he's showing Stewie, like his very detailed porn stash. And he goes, yeah, people in the community like it when you have things to organize. That's right. I remember that. And Stuie goes, I'm kind of weirded out there. You keep calling it the community. That what was the line both of us like, Nick? Something about the Eiffel Tower.

I can't remember what it was where his, Lois knocks on his bedroom door. And he's like masturbating or something like that in there. It was not too long ago. It was maybe last season they had this line that was so good. I don't. Oh, it's killing me. You brought it up before, too. I don't recall.

Dang it. I like the Anne Hesh joke. That's a great joke. But didn't she die terribly or something? Yeah. Oh, I forgot about that. Anyway, they made the joke first, though. Yes, they did.

Oh, there you go. Killed it. So you're saying that you were waiting on some Chipotle sandwich. You thought it was going to be this? week, but you've got to wait another week. I thought, yeah, I thought I was looking forward to it. I'm sorry. I thought today was Alpastor Eve.

I'm sorry. What was the point of even waking up today now? Exactly, Ashley. Just knock me out until next week. Freeze yourself like Cartman. He was waiting for the Nintendo Wii to come out. When he put himself in a coma or whatever? Yeah, no, he went into the deep woods and froze himself so that he didn't have to physically wait until the Nintendo Wii came out.

That was a good episode. episode. I'll tell you what. What else is going on? How was your weekend, everybody? Good. It's good. I went to Duluth. Regular. The windy city. Yeah. What'd you do up there? We just hung up for the weekend. We stayed at an Airbnb. It was actually, we usually like hotels, but we saw this one. We saw to roll the dice. It was in a mansion, actually. It was called the Cotton Mansion. And they kind of practitioner off into different Airbnb units and stuff. It was a good time. We had some neighbors across the hall that were really getting into it all weekend long.

What do you mean by getting into it? Oh, yeah. You could hear it. Yeah, see, that's why I don't like stay. I like, if I stay at an Airbnb, I want to be all alone. Right. But, I mean, it was across the hall. I mean, we didn't have to see each other, but we could hear it from inside.

And we thought, all right, this woman is, she's doing a performance art here. Like, there's no way. She wants everybody to know that they're the couple that's having sex right now type of thing. You know, she's being so loud as like a Sasha Gray tribute band. Did it make you feel insignificant? No, not really, because I thought she must be faking this. She must be doing it over the top, just to get people to notice. But then, because like I said, it was in this mansion, you were supposed to leave your shoes outside of your doorway, not wear them into the actual unit.

Big Nuts, Jesus just texted the show and said it wasn't fake. He was in Duluth this past weekend. But no, that's the thing. We realized it probably wasn't fake because the next morning when we left to go get breakfast, we saw their shoes sitting outside. The dude was wearing like size 16s. like he must have really had it cooking there for her. Dude, I would have, like, absolutely had to figure out what they looked like. That would be my mission all weekend.

Who are these people? We did regret never, like, kind of counter, you know, kind of passing by in the hallway to kind of get a look of, you know, what was going on exactly, Ashley. You're right. I would have tried to win. I can beat that. We challenge you to a bang-off. I don't know what it is about, like, hotels and Airbnbs.

They get people horny. They do. You're out of your element and think, I'm going to christen this place. And Josh, I sent you that picture of this place we stay at the Airbnb had the ultimate cuck chair, unlike anything I've ever seen before. That was definitely a cuck chair. That was absolutely a cuck chair. So they had a jacuzzi in the unit.

Kind of like similar to the jacuzis in Turtle Lake or Turtle Island where you guys had your infamous hot tub potluck party. You remember that? Oh, yeah, the nice little like in sweet ones. Yeah, Turtle Lake. Yeah, uh-huh. A jacuzi in the room. Mm-hmm.

Right. And then right directly facing the jacuzzi was just this one-person leather-bound chair where you could just sit looking directly at the jacuzzi. It was creepy. It was. It made no sense why it was sitting in there. I know. Oh, it makes sense.

Because it was a cuck chair. You had a good time? Yeah, it was good. It's always a good time up there. Thanks for the rocks. Dana brought me rocks. Yeah, we were shopping around. We saw that they had some agates.

You could fill up in a little baggie. And we thought Ashley. so we got some maggots. That is one of my favorite places to go see. All right, Nick, more anxiety than here Jesus said the line from Chris, where he gets caught masturbating and Lois says, when did you get a souvenir of the Washington Monument? Oh, yeah.

I had the wrong monument. Oh, that's right. Boy, I haven't watched that television program in a long, long time. I've kept, it's pretty hit or miss now. It's one of those shows you can tell that, like, Seth McFarlane and the writers are just thinking, can you please cancel us? I like the Christmas edition one that just happened.

That was great. Well, lookie here. We're ready to fire up another work week along with our wonderful listing audience, the brother and the damn sisterhood. Thanks for joining us. I think our next stop will be the stupid news report. We'll get to that quicker than quick.

We appreciate you hanging out with us. We'll be right back on the Half-Ass Morning Show. The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat.

And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at Standard Heating. com providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-L-K-E-Law.com.

And it spells relief. for you. Full Send Golf. You guys know how much I really, really love golf and I think every week would be dope to post on the golf channel.

I want to get a lot of guests on here. Salim's going to take a leap. I'm down to be in it. It's not really work to play golf. Join the party on the golf course. I was like, let's go to the range. So what are we putting on it?

We said 10K, right? 10K? All right? We probably bet more than all the other golf channels, right? 10K, nine holes. Those guys bet for like cookies. I feel like I'm going to shank.

This guy's been trading like a Navy seal when it comes to golf. I'm very, very excited. Are you excited? Yeah. Full Send Golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show.

Oh, Christ. Hang on to something, Josh. We got a pissed-off snowplow driver to deal with. Ooh, that's not good. They wield a lot of power. Oh, they'll, a pissed-off snowplow driver has the potential to knock a lot of D's in the dirt. If you don't get a handle on the sum bitch. Luckily, this year short-circuited snow plow driver does not have a route around these parts.

This dude comes from Philadelphia. And there's videos going round and around where this snow plow driver who worked for the city, he deliberately plowed piles and piles of snow. excuse me he deliberately piled snow all over parked motor vehicles after a big snowstorm had hit town

that's got to be tempting that'd be a lot of fun yeah it does sound like it'd be a blast and it seemed like he did have a blast as a matter of fact apparently this dude had some kind of an emotional blow-up some type of pant wedding so he upped and pushed heavy heavy snow from a recent storm pressed it up against parked cars

making sure nobody was going to be able to drive those vehicles out of there. So listen to him as he goes, he's videotaping it, or maybe it's from the dash cam, I can't remember here, but he's, sounds like it's a combination

of having a great time and losing his mind all at once. If your car looked like this, just go ahead to be back in the house. Just going to house. Ain't no need for you to be outside. day. If I can't drive, you can't drive.

Happy snow day. That laugh. That laugh is scary. Yeah, it is. Kind of made me think of the Heath Ledger's Joker, you know, just terrorizing people just because it's fun for him. It did look fun. This guy snapped.

Now those people probably don't have to go to work. Can you imagine explaining that? Like, my car's buried. I don't know what to tell you. Ashley, what if I was visiting my favorite sidepiece and her husband is, her husband's due home any minute. What do I do? Just run? Yeah, you run.

I leave my car there and just run. You bury it further and get out of there. Grab a ride on the bus. The evil laugh does make that audio. You're right, Josh. I can't tell. It's like, okay, he's mad. Wait, no, he's happy.

No, he's mad. That's probably what a psychotic break does, right? Just you're back and forth. People, the owners of these motor vehicles are out on the sidewalks watching this man, completely bewildered by his behavior. What if you were like about to get in your car? This just happens right in front of you. Or you're in it? You're just about to pull out.

Why? Why? Just about to pull out. As you heard in the audio, dude hollers, if I can't drive, you bitches can't drive. You're currently driving. Yeah, I don't know what he means by that. Maybe he means his own car, not his plow trap. He's in a bad mood.

He's got a plow. Happy snow day, mother effers. We tearing this up, he said. The city of Philadelphia, where this whack bag now used to work, Josh, they called his behavior unacceptable. Yeah, I would agree with that. That's an okay way to go out, though.

At least you had some fun beforehand. That's not really. Right. It looked like a blast. Well, I like at first, like his boss is like, hey, you know what? They're getting complaints. This happens sometimes in the process of clearing the streets. Sometimes there's nothing we can do.

And then he's shown the video, it's like, oh, oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. That's a lot different than just a normal process of plowing a street. Dad. All right. That guy's all done. Oh, speaking of clear in snow, and I love this bit. Local folks doing a nude calendar.

Someone has to help me out. Where the hell was that one town here in Minnesota or Wisconsin with the campground that sent us their new... Dang, I was just going to ask you. What happened to that calendar? I thought... I'm not sure. Oh, yeah, it used to be in here.

Somebody snatched it out of our studio. Probably. Like all the other porn and sex toys that get stolen by other people. Yeah, I don't know. If anyone can remember, for the last two years, this bar campground sent us their nude calendar that they used to raise money for folks in their neighborhood with cancer. It was so funny and so well done, and I appreciated so much that they sent the calendars our way so we could plug them a little bit. I can't think of the name of the joint. Darn it.

But I do love. Someone will text in six, five. 989. Go ahead, somebody. 93-93. It was very clever how they covered up the good parts. Oh, I know. It was brilliant. And just like the variety of body types, men, women, everything.

It was hilarious. And some foxy ladies in that. Mazepa, that sounds right. Zumbro Falls, that sounds right. We're going to get there. I know we will. Anyway, until we get that answer. Last winter in a town called Lakeview, Oregon, they couldn't afford to clear snow from the roads in that area,

but rather than make everyone pay higher taxes, community leaders found 12 local volunteers to pose for a nude calendar. And they're using the money from that calendar to pay plow drivers to clear their roads. They raised 13 grand. I don't know if that's going to cut it. Max Place. Ah, yep.

Max Park Place Campground in Mazepa. Thank you. I knew somebody would get it right. And thank you to those folks again. Sorry, I forgot. Do we have pictures up on our website of these naked people in Oregon? In the process.

Okay. I don't really remember. I'm sure they, I didn't, I mean, I didn't look. look very thoroughly at their naked pictures, but I'm guessing they did like what you described, Josh. They have clever ways to cover up their genitalia. Yeah. You know, the gals carrying a couple of jugs of milk.

The guy has a, I don't know, rolled up newspaper in front of his Johnson or something. One guy, he's got a big piece of lumber in front of his private parts. There you go. But this is a cute gibbick. Ashley, holler at us when you get those pictures up. on our website. They were able to raise $13,000 again. I don't know if that's going to help plow their roads for the entire winter in Lakeview,

Oregon, but damn, impressive. We need money around here. Should we do a nude calendar? I'll take the pictures. All the monies we raise could go towards new broadcast equipment, so our listeners don't have to listen to us scream through these Fisher-Price microphones that we work with in our garbage stuff. studios, it would benefit the quality of the show.

It would, that's for sure. They keep promising they're going to update it around here. When I got hired here about five years ago, they said new equipment was on the way, so it's got to be any day now. Well, yeah, I was just told last week, it's coming. And something they called Q2. I'll have to look up what that means. It's never going to happen.

This is as good as it's ever going to get. So the four of us would get naked. Then we would get Shaver, Brad Rider, C. Willie Miles, Janelle, Dr. P., Dr. Andrea, Marcus Spillino, Glenn Perkins. That makes 12 different nude models right there, one for every month. We could just have Marcus, and people would pay for it. I'm with you on that one. Let's just only have him in that.

Well, no, I think he should be February because it's the shortest month, and I definitely should be one where there's 31 days in the month, like January. You want people to have you. So people get a couple extra days with me and my discussing naked body. Well, you can just take a picture when you're sleeping. You mentioned you like to sleep naked. I do. Andrew D. Powell might feel left out, but he'll get over it.

Yeah, that guy didn't even make the Pro Bowl. Maybe there could be a combo. You know, he could be a part of another month with somebody else. Yeah, like an athlete's month or something. I mean, we've got enough characters to fill out an entire year, an entire calendar year. What are the months of the year again, John? Well, there's January, February. I already lost the March, April.

Uh-huh. May, June. June, July, August, September, October, November, December. Those are the months of the year. God rest the soul of, don't tell me. Meaney. Kevin Meena. Those pictures are up on 93x.com now, by the way, for the calendar.

The Oregon Naked Calendar? Yep. Josh, Q2 means quarter two of the year, April to June. I don't think so. That doesn't sound right. No, no. You have to go back to the drawing board on that one. Oh, nope.

Right, that's what it means. January, February. Good God. That guy's so good. March, April. All right, think more about that naked calendar. I think we could rake in some big bucks. This next lunatic that I'm here to tell you about,

oh, he comes from the awful southern United States. He's up to 32 years old. Now, he goes by the very interesting name of Alexander Baker, Depewe, D-E-P-E-W, Depew. Never heard that name in real life? What do you mean? Oh, actually, I was thinking, Lapewpew, so that's even different. So I've never heard the name, period.

Now I think about it. So Alexander, he loves chicks. Loves chicks. As a matter of fact, there's a stripper in town that he loves. He loves her so much. that he decided to buy a bouquet of flowers and some chocolates for her. That's sweet. I think that's pretty creepy.

You don't think that's creepy, Ashley? I guess it depends on their relationship. Oh, I'm sure the stripper wasn't concerned at all when she found that out that one of her customers was showing up with chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. Yeah. You're right. Maybe they have a closeness. They don't.

Yeah, I'd imagine they don't. They don't. My guess is they do not. I was at Hooters recently and would seem to be some type of regular showed up bearing gifts for some of the waitresses in which he must get served by on regular Cajuns. Depends on the age. Was this on a Sunday? No, it was a Friday afternoon. Place was dead.

He showed up in a full suit, had a bunch of gifts and was giving them to all the ladies and they seemed to know him. I'm assuming he was some sort of regular. and it was awkward just to watch from across the bar. Yeah, the reason I asked for it Sunday is I know somebody who worked there and there was a dude that exactly as you described that would be there every Sunday. Every Sunday? In his regular section, regular waitress. Dana, did you see what the gifts were?

No, not really. Maybe they were good. Some new iPhones or something. But it was also like snacks too. He was like a bag of like Cheetos and stuff like that. It was just all just very bizarre. He's like, I know Cheetos are your favorite, Becky. Yeah, that type of vibe.

Dude cut off his right nut and wrapped it in tinfoil. It's still warm. Also, I learned something about Hooters. I didn't realize this is that I was walking out with a friend and she used to work there and there were some girls walking in and they're all wearing sweatpants and sweatshirts and carrying bags of luggage. And I guess by policy, you're not allowed to, if you work there, you're not allowed to wear your uniform in or wear it out for safety reasons.

So they go in the back and they change and put on their, you know, the tank top and the shorts. That's terrifying. It sucks. I know. It did make sense when I heard it. But yeah, at least Ashley, it sucks. Alexander from the South. He bought a bouquet of flowers and some chocolates for his favorite stripper.

Is that a good Valentine's Day gift, Ashley? Flowers and chocolates? That seems to be, you know, the standard for most. It depends. What brand? You know, what you're working with. It's brand specific. Yeah, if you give me a little, you know, dollar box of chocolate, that might not cut it.

But I used to like... What if the gas station sticker is still on it? I used to not be like a huge fan of the typical kind of gifts that you would get for Valentine's Day. But now, I don't know, I find it endearing. Like, yeah, give me the basic stuff. You're getting old. Like a teddy bear, some roses. That's adorable.

That's what happens. Can you send that exact advice to my wife, Ashley? Why, she want you to go for it? I think so, yeah. Oh, is it your first year married? Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, there you. Have fun.

The flowers and chocolates that this Alexander dude bought for his favorite stripper cost him $288 in trade. Oh. But you have to remember, Alexander is a lunatic. That is some boogey-old. flowers and chocolate. But don't get excited. Remember, he's a lunatic.

The kind of guy who thinks strippers want chocolate and flowers. He doesn't have 288 legit dollars. There's probably a little camera in those flowers. So he paid for the flowers and the chocolates with counterfeit money. The phony cash

had the word replica on them and also printed on the bills. There was wording that read only to be used for motion pictures. Somehow the florist who sold Alexander the flowers didn't notice that right away. Eventually she did, but not right away.

I wouldn't expect somebody buying flowers to be using counterfeit money. I don't know why. I would never suspect anyone of using counterfeit money. Oh, really? I think when I was a server or a bartender, that would be really noticeable, I guess, because you're dealing with cash so personally.

But, yeah, I don't know, a flower gig. I wouldn't expect criminals to be buying flowers. I'm with you on that. After he got his hands on the beautiful flowers, Alexander headed off to the boom boom room to hand-deliver them to his terrified favorite stripper. While Alexander was there, he tried to pay a bar tab with the same movie money.

The bartender wasn't fooled. He went ahead and called the police. once the cops shook down Alexander. They found $400 more, phony dollars, $400 more of that phony money. He also had a little DJ powder on him and a fist full of those meth rocks. So Alexander's off to jail and that poor stripper

can finally get a decent night's sleep. Yeah, I bet meth can probably get you to think that a stripper's interested in you. You can buy that prop money pretty easily. I was Googling it just now. Yeah. Oh. You want $10,000?

$10. That's all the cost. It's a great investment. That's a wonderful investment. I remember when ACDC came to town, 1991, their Razors Edge tour. Did you go to that show, Josh? They played two shows at Met Center. No, I've never seen ACDC.

One of the shows I was sitting next to Mike Madonna, anyway. Oh, so you probably don't remember this? I think it was only. on the Razors Edge Tour, where when they played the song, Money Talks, they dropped from the ceiling of the arena hundreds and thousands of dollar bills with Angus Young

on the dollar bill. Fun. And so as a young person, I grabbed as many as I could out of the sky for a souvenir. And one night I used it to tip a bartender. And it was pretty funny, actually, because the dude it took them like, I don't know, 15, 20 seconds to say, hey, gave him an Angus dollar for a tip.

Nick, only me, you, and Rob Page would care about this, but did Scott Hall when he was Razor Ramon? Did he get the name for this finisher, the Razors Edge, from that tour, do you think? I don't think so, because I think that Razor's Edge move was before that tour. Okay. Yeah. Maybe ACDC stole it from him. If you want an Angus buck, it'll cost you eight bucks on eBay.

if you want to get one of those. This says from 1990. 90, okay, 9091. It cost you. How much to get one of them off the Internet? Eight bucks. Hello, this is Angus Young, and you're listening to 93X.

I mean, I remember seeing them just falling from the sky in their music videos, you know, like live shows and stuff like that. I'd never seen one up close. These are cool. I could see why somebody at first might think it was real money. The bartender was... He side-eyed.

me that's for sure all right uh boy i don't care who you are nobody would want to take this money shot at terrible laguardia airport in terrible new york city an airplane was a setting on the runway getting that de-icing spluge dumped all over it before takeoff you know that operation right i hate when they do that i understand they have to but i hate when that announcement comes I'm like, ah, don't you have planned better? Well, it terrified me as a kid the first time I was on a plane. They did that. I'm like, why are they hosing the airplane down?

It's like the middle of winter. I've never, maybe I've never traveled in the winter. I've never had that happen. It terrified me too, Dana, and I was 28 years old. Why did it terrify you out of curiosity? Because I had no idea what they were doing. It was one of my, probably only my second plane ride ever. And we're at the airport in the dead of winter.

We're walking through the hallways. and I look through the winter, through the winter, I look through the window, and I see massive airplane out there waiting to take off and crews spraying it with something. And I asked whoever I was with at the time, what the hell are they doing? Well, they're de-icing the airplane.

If they don't do that, the airplane could, some of the mechanics could freeze up while they're flying. That horrified me. Yeah. So, of course, what enters my mind is, So if these four or five gibronies out there with the jumpsuits on, if they don't do their job perfectly, that plane's going to go down? And the person who was with me said, yeah, pretty much.

So then all I'm thinking about is have those four or five gibronies been drinking? Are they idiots, right? And it wasn't necessarily my airplane that was getting de-iced. It was just one that was on the runway. But I'd never heard about that before. I had no idea. Oh, see, I didn't see it through the window. Oh, I saw it through the window of the plane we were sitting in.

I had a window seat and all of a sudden, like, it's just getting pelted with water. I thought we were under attack or something. I had no idea what was happening. We're going down. You know, these are things that never crossed my mind, what they do to an airplane before it takes off. I never cared. I wonder if they do that for every winter flight, or is it just like certain ones after a snowfall or whatever? Maybe somebody who knows could let us know.

I've never, yeah, never seen it before. All right. So LaGuardia Airport, New York City. Airplane on the runway, the de-icing is underway. Here's the deal. Somehow that de-ice squeege started leaking into the airplane. Now that would freak me out, wondering how that could possibly happen. Some poor some bitch just setting in his seat waiting for the nightmare to begin, right?

Waiting for the airplane to take off. Got buccockied by all that de-ice juice. It came pouring. down upon him from the ceiling of the airplane. The passenger, unlucky prick, he told the flight crew that the plane had just finished on him. He was okay. He did ask nicely if anyone on the airplane could borrow him a fresh pair of pants. He said he was looking for Ray Finkel and a, this was a Delta brand airplane, if that matters at all to you.

I would think that kind of stuff would kill you. I would think the same thing. It could be pretty toxic. Yeah, I'm looking at it's supposed to be like 130 to 180 degrees. Okay. The stuff that they're spraying all over the airplane. Does it say when they have to do it? Yeah, anytime there's precipitation or it's near freezing temperatures.

Okay, so even if it's just super cold. Here's the pilot talking about it. We had a bunch of the PI-exed blue at least outside of the aircraft and fuel capacitor. You need any medical services or anything? You know, I just need to get dried off. Yeah, I think maybe do a pair of hands and it's used a lot like that. So we've got to be honest, I couldn't understand a word they were saying. So the pilot's saying we had an issue where the de-icing was coming through.

And then they asked, is everybody okay? Well, one guy's going to need some new pants, but we're concerned that it's coming through, so maybe you have maintenance taken a look. How the hell did you understand that? I don't know. I mean, maybe because I pulled the clip. I, yeah, I'm not sure. Do you want to, do you have a friend in your,

neighborhood and you guys walkie-talkie back in the well yeah you know when we were kids it started with dixie cups in a street yeah it's evolved i couldn't make out a single work remember be bha me too it kind of sounded like the teachers and or the grown-ups and peanuts you know yeah you must have walkie-talkie experience oh nick do the grown-ups and the peanuts oh god it's been years since i've done so i don't mean to put you on the spot oh my god but you maybe with your sickness you can't when i was a kid i used to It's been decades Waw

Waw Waw Waw That was good Why did they talk like that? Is that even close to? Yeah Uh-huh

Yeah If I heard that out of context I would immediately say Oh he's doing a peanuts thing That's so fun It sounds like you said penis thing Yeah He does penis things too

I'll show you a penis thing All right here's Here's Jesse Ventura If he was a student In a Peanuts classroom Ah, I gotta go potty. I got to take a world-class dump. Okay.

Here's another take. This is Jesse Ventura, if he was in a Peanuts classroom, only this time the teacher is going to address him first. Okay? Mm-hmm. What-wah-wah-wah. What we get a lot, what-war. Well, I can't come up to the board right now. I've got an erection.

You want me to come up there right now to the blackboard? What? Okay. Boy, I used to see him around town all the time. I've never. He was at the SummerSlam event we went to, right? Yeah, he's a special guest enforcer. He's a referee.

To be specific, the press conference. Oh, the press conference. Oh, that infamous press conference where Stone Cold called out Nick? Yes. Yeah, I don't remember if he was at that particular event, but he was at that pay-per-view, SummerSlam, 1999. Because I was going to say, I've never seen him. That'd be the only opportunity I think I would have been come close.

I used to see him at Timberl's games all the time. Did you really? You must not have ever gone to Timberwolves games in the late 90s, Josh. I remember one time he came down from the roof or came down from the rafters on a rope. I would never, ever recognize him if I was out in public. How would you not? Are you serious? Yeah, there's no change.

He's very, I'm surprised by that. I would hear the voice and be like, that kind of sounds like that voice Nick does. Then I would move on. Then I would move on with my life. Well, I'll tell you what, yeah, I used to see him at Wolves games all the time. And one time, me and my pal, Dane, were leaving a Timberwolves game. And we got into one of the elevators there at the parking ramp or something. And the elevator doors open.

And it was just Jesse standing there. And Dane and I rode a couple of floors. down the elevator with him. We said nothing, but I'll just say this. Either he had farted horribly before we got in or six homeless people had died in that elevator

three hours before we rode it together. Dirty Mike and the boys had been in and got off the floor before you got on, maybe. Oh, man. You know, I'd like to. like to see him someday just because of, I loved him and Predator, you know, and obviously he's a character. And the character you've done has kind of made him even more interesting to me.

But was he cool? Like, was he a nice enough guy in person? I have no idea. Oh, you guys didn't say hi to him in there. No, we didn't say a word to him in that elevator ride. I suppose you're plugging your nose. Oh, I mean, and I'm not trying to make too much fun of the guy. Every damn one of us has died, if you know what I mean.

in public and then had someone walk up to us or, you know what I'm talking about? Everyone's had a little gas in public and had someone walk up. And so, you know. Yeah, I once made that cash register lady at IKEA cry because it was so bad. That's true. Dark time. She's smelling Swedish meatballs all day. I know.

It happens to everybody, Jess. But on that particular evening in 1997, whatever it was. Oh, my damn. I could not believe how bad that. elevator smiled when we jumped on it with him. Did he have a guilty look on his face? Like, oh, no, bad timing here? Don't remember that.

All right, what are we doing? What were we talking about? De-icing airplanes? Yeah. Oh, Christ's sake. Anyway, dude sitting on an airplane, the de-icing squeege falls through the ceiling of the airplane. It lands on him.

The Delta airplane people said, uh, this doesn't happen. very often. And this is what surprised me, they said the de-icing fluids are non-hazardous. I would assume if there's some kind of fluid out there that you can spray on an airplane that eventually is going to go 750 miles an hour, I have no idea. Is that even close how fast an airplane goes? I have no idea. I don't know.

You've got some kind of spluge that can keep the ice off of an airplane that's going 800 miles. an hour at 30,000 feet. I would imagine that's got something in it that might kill me. I'm with you. I would think somebody would just melt right in front of me. They dissolve. They say it's non-hazardous. In the end, they made folks get off

the airplane and go get on a different one, and they took off into the great blue yonder a couple of hours later. Now, here's a guy that's going to know something. Aircraft engineer, Jesus said, de-icing occurs with the right temperatures, precipitation,

and or when snow and ice are already on the aircraft. It freaked me out the first time I saw it. There you go. This is pretty crooked, I guess. We'll wrap it up here. Says here a former flight attendant for a Canadian airplane company. He pretended to be a pilot and a current working flight attendant so he could get free plane rides all over the world ski.

He went here. He went there, even though he had lost his flight attendant gig and was no longer working in the industry. He doctored up some fake credentials and whatnot. Whoever was checking those credentials bought the gimmick every time. He went on hundreds of free plane rides. Cool. Dallas is the name he goes by. He's 33 years old from Toronto, if that matters at all to you.

And he's been arrested for all that. If you like to travel, that's a really cool perk. I mean, my wife's friend, her husband, works for the airlines. He's like baggage handler. And they fly all over for free. I mean, sometimes they're on standby a little bit, but they can go all. I mean, they went to Thailand. I don't think they paid much of anything for, but they go all over the country, everything.

One of my friends, her parents, her dad is an international pilot. So he flies absolutely everywhere. and her mom used to be a flight attendant. So that's how they met. It's so adorable. But then she stopped working. She stayed home and took care of the kids. And, yeah, they, I mean, she's been everywhere you could ever imagine.

It's so cool. My mom worked as a flight attendant and then later on in life worked in human resources at airlines. And even in retirement, she and my dad can still pass travel for free. As long as, you know, there's open seats in the plane, they can jump on any plane they want. Even in retirement? Yeah. HR at the airport, brave. So this guy, this guy, because his credentials said he was still working for an airline up there in Canada,

he was able to get his hands on tickets reserved for pilots and flight attendants. Once he even requested to sit in the extra seat in the cockpit, what they call the jump seat, typically reserved for off-duty pilots. Christ, do you think they let him steer for a while? Get his wings? Because that's not right. So some folks are saying that this Dallas dude's little caper reminded them of that old Catch Me If You Can movie starring. I think it was Chris Elliott, which tells the story of Frank Abagnale, who pretended to be a pilot to make large piles of money and score with Foxy Ladies.

I think that was the lead character, Chris Elliott. Yeah, it was definitely Chris Elliott. Without a doubt, don't even look it up. All right, there you go. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. What's going on with Jarrell Miller's hair, by the way? Is it coming off? What is happening here?

It is. Oh, wow. He's losing his hair. That was a setup, right? It had to have been. That was a setup. Don't you think? He needs some out.

What is that gorilla glue? If you have an opportunity, stop by our website, right, Ashley? Yep. and look for this video. A boxer in a meaningless heavyweight fight, a boxer got his toupee punched, smooth off the top of his head during a match at Madison Square Garden. The boxer whose hairdo, fake hairdo, went shooting off the top of his skull.

When he took a punch to the yapper, the boxer goes by the name of Jarrell Miller. He was fighting some other guy. It's got to be a setup. Because the original tope was so bad. It looks pretty bad. That no one in their right mind would go into a game of cards, let alone a boxing match, and expect that toupee to stay on top of their head.

Yeah, I think it's a setup too, just because it's the first time I've heard about a boxing match that didn't involve that Paul brother in years. That's the only time we hear about boxing is if that social media guy is in the ring fighting. You know, in the age of social media. you do wonder, right, what's real? What's set up trying to get some attention for it. There's another setup I'm going to talk about later on in sports

when Randy Schaeber and Brad Ryder join us. But I think this was just a goof. The dude with the toupee, he knew what was going to come off at one point of another. His opponent knew it was going to come off at one point or another. They wanted to be on YouTube. He mentioned he's a comedian. He says he's a funny. He says, I'm a funny guy.

I like to have laughs, he says. It's a little tough to hear, but. So, so funny, right? I get to my mama house and I actually had some shampoo bottles under her table. And I shampooed it. It was like ammonia bleach. I only lost my hair like two days ago. So I called my man.

I was doing the man. What was that? Get on real quick. A bees and knock. That's shit off. Well, like I said before, man, it's funny, man. I'm a comedian. He's a comedian.

If you couldn't follow what he was saying, he claimed he went to his grand mama house. And, um, go ahead, Josh. I'm going to reach in there and grab it for you. He said he went to his grandmama house and he washed his hair, but he accidentally washed it with ammonia bleach instead of shampoo and all of his hair, fella.

This is all the bit. Yeah, because how in the world would you ever do that? But it's a funny video when the hairdo comes off. It's pretty funny. There you go. Oh, by the way, we were talking about Chris Elliott's movie, Catch Me If You Can, Where He Plays Something Abbot. big nail and he's robbing everybody. Catch me if you can. A listener text. He didn't to say,

if you love Catch Me If You Can starring Chris Elliott, you'd love him in Django Unchained. Oh, he was great in that. Yeah, one of his best performances. I also really enjoyed him in Titanic. I thought he was pretty good in that movie, too. Just a handsome man. That's for sure. Golden Gopher basketball lost yesterday. Heartbreaker. Pigs play tonight. At home against Le A biton. Timberwolves play tonight on the road. to Memphis Grizzlies. Randy Schaber Bradrider coming up in a half hour. More news with Josh here in a few minutes.

The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslamed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special.

$45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571. 2410 or go to Bialki law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you.

Hi, I'm Joe Sal C. Hi, hosted the stacking Benjamins podcast. You know what? A lot of us get taxes wrong. Filing your taxes is basically data entry. There's been this trend of people going, oh, it's so cool to file my taxes in August. It's so awesome. Don't worry. I have an extension. It'll be fine. I'd like totally do it later. Stop. Do your friggin' taxes now. That was a good fashion voice. Did you like it? You do that more frequently, please? Yes, every show from now. Stacking Benjamin's, follow and listen on your favorite platform. In the 60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it's possible a man slipped in, would be no way of knowing. The 93x half-assed morning show.

93 Thanks Catherine Ahera I met when she was 18 years of age and all these years later she has been the greatest, most brilliant,

kindest, sweetest angel that any of us worked with each other. So, God bless God. Just hours after the announcement of actress Catherine Ahera's death, comedian Steve Martin and Martin Short honored her during their show Friday night,

Born and raised in Toronto as the sixth of seven children, O'Hara began her comedy career at Second City in the 1970s. She famously played McCulley Culkin's mother in the first two Home Alone films, starred in the mockumentaries, Best in Show, and a Mighty Wind, cult favorites like Beetlejuice and its sequel, and appeared in 80 episodes of Schitt's Creek, with her most recent project, the Apple TV Plus series, The Studio, opposite Seth Rogan. I will live with you in this hellhole. But I must express myself. If you don't let me cut out this house and make it my own, I will go and stay, and I will take you with me. Oh, next step is to fold in the cheese.

What does that mean? What does fold in the cheese mean? He folded in. I understand that, but how do you fold it? You just, that's what you do. You just fold it in. Okay, I don't know how to fold broken cheese like that. Oh, good.

Now I see bubbles. I don't even know the name because I don't want to know the name. Yes. Something cardiac inversa and then dextercardia and something inversa. People are going to think I'm so ignorant not to know this, but I kind of don't want to know. Catherine O'Hara died at her home in Los Angeles following a brief illness at the age of 71. She's talking about a condition where her organs are essentially mirrored on the opposite side of her body. That was a real thing.

Yeah. Wow. Randy Foy. Lotties don't remember Randy Foy, do you? I remember. Was he a Timberwolf? played for the Timberwolves for a brief period of time. He had that condition.

I had never heard of anyone else having that same condition. She didn't even know she had it until she was an adult. What? She had no clue. That's so bizarre. Never had any kind of an x-ray. Anyway, that's very interesting. Talking about Catherine O'Hara just brings me back to when I was a young kid.

My sister and I would stay up all effing night when we were young kids to watch SCTV with John Candy and Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara, Martin Short, Bob and Doug McKenzie, I can't think of their real names now, just wildly bizarre, funny, genius stuff. That's really too bad that she's gone so young. She was absolutely brilliant. Yeah, and it was a big surprise. It sounds like pretty much everybody.

just all of a sudden she wasn't doing well, and then she passed at the age of 71. Did you guys ever, did you dial into SCTV, Josh, when you were a kid? I did because I have a buddy who was obsessed with it. I remember him showing, this was in high school. I didn't even know about it until high school, and he used to watch it all the time. God, no, I can't think of some of the great characters that they had. I mean, Bob and Doug McKenzie were the two that gained maybe the most notoriety from SCTV. but it was just

hilarious stuff. And as a 9, 10-year-old kid, it was quite eye-opening. The news comes amid another loss in the entertainment world. Demand Wilson, best known as Lamont Sanford in the groundbreaking 1970s sitcom Sanford and Son

opposite on-screen father Red Fox. He died Friday, just Palm Springs area home from cancer-related complications. I was reading the paper the other day. Wife dies. the mate follows. Hey, pop. Now, you know, Mama's been dead for 23 years.

Well, sometimes it takes a little longer. And to tell you the truth, I'm surprised I've been around this long with his heart. Yeah, me too. During his life, he balanced careers as an actor and a minister, and authored several books as well. He was not the big dummy that his dad painted him out to be. I agree. I totally agree. His television dad, at least. Yeah, this one really

saddens me as well. I loved DeMond Wilson. He was such a terrific straight man to Red Fox. And Sanford and Son, come on. So friggin' funny. At the time of his passing, Wilson was 79. In Indiana Man briefly pioneered a bold new home renovation technique by employing an aggressively enthusiastic yell at ill-advised plumbing solution. The 49-year-old narrowly escaped injury after using a blow torch to thaw active gas lines while doing a favor for his brother, inadvertently setting the home on fire while he was blissfully unaware. The well-meaning sibling was working inside a crawl space in the rear of his brother's home

when the family noticed fire in the bedroom closet. Sparks from the torch found their way up in open chase and into the house, fire officials wrote. The homeowner called 911 and evacuated the premises as the fire rapidly spread. He told emergency services he was uncertain if his brother had exited the crawl space, and they feared the worst. Firefighters launched an aggressive attack on the blaze while simultaneously searching for the man below, who the family assumed had perished in a brobicue. Despite the raging fire, when rescuers found him, the man was completely unaware of the inferno above. He's just working away still. He was just going at it.

He refused to leave the space at first, demanding they let him continue his work. Eventually, they successfully extracted him somehow unharmed. The brother in the crawl space said he was thawing the pipes at his brother's request. Technically, the pipes did thaw, though they took down the house as well. Hey, man, the house is on fire? We're going to need you to get out of there. Hold on. No, no, I'm in the zone, bro.

One more minute. I almost got this. With an open flame. Yeah, apparently so. This story is pretty tough to stomach, and so unbelievably sorted and stupid, you're going to have to ready a barf bag just to warn you, and then activate the emergency puke protocol as well. I'm looking forward to this one.

A twisted teaching assistant at a junior high school in New York showed photos of her private parts to three teen girls and played them a raunchy sex video of herself. Oh! The paraprofessionals' revolting conduct happened during a girls' empowerment movement meeting in Brooklyn and only came to light because a seventh grader at the school was caught showing snaps of the masturbating woman to other boys in a locker room. I'll be damned.

And the student that showed off the woman's photos, you're not going to like this, is the woman's son. When the boys reported his behavior to school officials, one of the girls who had seen the mom's X-rated images was present and blurted out like mother-like son. That led school officials to dig deeper into the 41-year-old's disgusting behavior. The girls recalled that while body dysmorphia was being discussed during a girl's

empowerment movement meeting, the instructor assured the group it's normal for females to have one breast larger than the other, and then flashed her topless picks as proof. She did. Well, she was on the right track. The girls recalled to investigators that her nipples were pierced. What? And there was

a greenish tattoo on one of them in the shape of a star or a diamond, the report said. During the meeting, one of the students told the teacher that she once cut class and went home to have sex with another student, and that act was filmed. She then told the girl not to be embarrassed because she too had her own sex tape and then proved it by sharing it with the students. During the investigation, even two school staffers told investigators she showed them the same photos and video. She just wants everybody to see it. She's an educator, Ashley, that's all this is.

She's proud of her work. Her son is showing off nudes of mom and then videos of her masturbating. That is not right. He needs serious, serious help. You're not kidding. I'll be dipped. For her part, she denied displaying the nude pics or a sex video to students. She claimed she was ratted out by the three girls as payback for catching them high on edibles.

Although police were wondering how they were able to describe so well her body if she didn't show any of those photos. On the topic of nipples, here's a stat we can broadcast on the ariola. Approximately, one out of every 18 people has a third nipple, which seems like a lot. Yeah, that does seem like a lot. But some of them are small and just look like freckles or moles. Oh, that's cool. I wonder if I have a third nipple. I don't know. I bet there's a lot of people listening that I'd like to check, Ashley.

I don't know what you've just done, but I bet it's not good. Here's another story where you'll want a barf bucket and a priest. A Louisiana man was hit with charges after pretending to be disabled online to lure a nanny into his home to change his diaper. You may remember this story because it's a disturbing trick. He's already been busted for twice and a four. Yep, this guy. Yeah, he's still at it. It all sounds very familiar.

I think when we talked about it the second time, we all agreed that he's never going to stop. And that's the case here. He was previously arrested for pulling the same disgusting diaper depravity in 2019 and 2021. I guess the good news is as far as we know he's the only one doing this. It does seem like, right, it's this guy. Yeah, he's the leader. 35-year-old Rutledge dais was arrested Rutledge. Thursday, after using an online nanny service to request help caring for someone with special needs

in order to coax the worker to his home. But when the victim showed up, he pretended to be disabled telling the worker they needed to carry out duties, consistent with infant care, including his diaper changes. during which he would adjashulate. He prayed on an online service in college age girls to bring them in, pretending to be a disabled adult and asking them to change his adult diaper state police maintains. He is not disabled, does not need an adult diaper. And all of this is a scam and a way to lower in vulnerable girls to do what he wants.

Does that announcer sound like he's at gunpoint? Yeah. Well, he's yelling at us as if we're arguing with him. Okay, we're listening. We're believing every word you say, dude. You don't have to shout it at us like we're in trouble somehow. We understand. Right.

So that's all it took for him to get there was just the act of having his diaper change? That's correct. Oh, my gosh. That's all he needed. Saw that an episode of House once. Guy was... Oh, really? Mm-hmm.

Like being treated like a baby. He was placed on probation in 2020 for posting fake ads online, falsely claiming he was seeking home health care for his 18-year-old brother, whom he described as mentally and physically disabled. He posed as that imaginary brother, looking for more than just huggies. When the home care aide changes his adult diaper, he pampered her with a mess that only orgasming males can produce. Deis was cuffed again in 2021 after pretending to be a younger man with special needs undergoing alternative therapy and offered to pay a babysitter to change his diapers. Then he attempted to persuade that victim to recruit others to care for him as well.

You got any friends? Why is he still getting opportunities to do this? I don't know why he's out. I mean, shouldn't he be in the basement of an asylum? Yeah, you think. I'm with you. He's, this guy's, he's not going to stop. He pleaded guilty the following year and was sentenced to 10 years behind bars with nine suspended.

When he was released, he was ordered to serve five years probation. Well, obviously, he's violated that. Yeah. Come away. Josh, he's like a West Coast party. It just don't stop. It don't stop. Yeah.

He ain't going to stop. Right. A Florida doctor was sentenced to two years in prison after he slipped a prick into his patient's backsides, using a hypodermic needle to inject silicone oil he purchased online into their butts. Why would he do that? For cosmetic procedures. Oh, oh, I see. He would buy the...

I thought he was just stabbing, sleeping patients in the ass with the... I mean, I could see the appeal, but no, it's not what he's up to. He's supposedly taking money for this. Yeah. So he would buy it online and inject it into his... patients for gluteal and buttock enhancement procedures at his office and home. That routine became part of how he operated, moving between locations, while continuing these same injections.

Remember that Russian kid who injected his biceps? Yes. It looks so stupid. And it wasn't it just, it was break fluid or something just horrible? Yeah. And I mean, it even looked dumb. It wasn't like you'd go, well, I could see why. That looks pretty rad.

It was ridiculous. I think, yeah, he just got some gas. gas. He got some oil out of his folks' garage or something. He's injecting motor oil or something straight into his biceps because he wanted to look yoked. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has not approved injectable silicone for body contouring or enhancement, issuing warnings to the public, advising them of the illegality and the health risks associated with those injections. Those warnings stood in direct contrast, excuse me, to what his patients were being told. Oh, I bet those butts do not look good.

Probably right. The now former physician told his patients the substance he was injecting into their bodies was safe, natural, and would dissolve over time. He lied. After receiving the injections, patients experienced complications such as sharp and severe pain, discomfort, discoloration, itchiness, burning, inflammation, soreness, and hardness in the injection areas. But they agreed to this. They did agree. And I'm wondering if that his house, maybe they got a discount? I'm trying to think why you would ever go to somebody's home for a procedure like that. Is there anything in the story to where it tells you that these people were aware that this guy wasn't exactly on the up and up? Well, no, I mean, apparently he told him he was a physician and he said, no, all this is safe, it's good, you know, don't worry about it, and they bought it. He eventually was busted after offering the injections to an undercover law enforcement agent and was sentenced in violation of the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act. People are still looking for that bigger butt.

Oh, yeah. I've never been happy with my ass. Would you ever want to alter it, cosmetically safe? Yeah. I like the way you are right now, but I mean, I... I got a trucker butt. Sure. That's all right.

Contour back there? Like people like the hockey butt, right? Where you can kind of rest, just put a, like a drink on top of a hockey player. It's a quarter off of it. Never been happy with my ass. I'm surprised you should love yourself to know. Do some squats or something. I don't know.

Squats. Eat more carbs. I'm kidding, of course. I couldn't possibly care less. I just wanted to say that out loud. Oh, yeah. I've heard people say that. I've heard women say that before.

I've never been happy with my ass. No, I couldn't. It's very gassy. Very active. Tonight on CBS, Super Bowl, greatest commercials, Hall of Fame Countdown. Wow. They really got nothing else going on.

I watched the first one. Jesus. You know, whenever they first, when I really enjoyed watching those commercials. But now it's like there's no point. No. Yeah. British, oh boy.

British actress Gemma Archerton, who short-circuited Nick when we tried to interview her many, many years ago, is 40. I'm feeling good. What? She's only 40? I know. I would have thought older as well. She must have been like 20.

That can't be right. when we talked to her, then she was probably 20 years old. Well, let me double check. There's no way she's 40 years old. I bet she's around my age. 40. F me running sideways. Yeah, she's 40.

I couldn't tell you what the name of the movie was, but I saw her in a movie. I mean, just outrageously sexy, this gal. I've never heard you like that before. of maybe when we met David Coverdale of White Snake where words didn't work for either of us? We interviewed this gal many, many, many years ago. This might have been for like Handel and Gretel. I have no idea, but she was so sexy over the telephone. And then I looked her up while we were talking to her because I did zero research for this interview.

I had never heard of Gemma Arterton until we had her on the telephone. And I was just lost. My day, my month was shot when I got to. to look at her and heard how she sounded on the radio. It was love at first sight. I think she was a vampire maybe in a movie that I saw. It was a long time ago. Gemma Arterton is only four.

And don't tell Gemma Arterton that I thought she was 54 years old. But she just, her appearance was always very mature. So she's introduced. She gets this out. I'm feeling good. How are you? And we lost Nick. It was that quick.

He was gone. I understand. Shakira, whose hips don't lie is 49. That's another lady that you've enjoyed. New York Times bestselling author in season 14, Dancing with the Stars champion. Donald Driver turns 45 today. Donald Driver.

Robert DeLeo from the Stone Temple Pilot 60. Lieutenant Commander Data on Star Trek, The Next Generation Brent Spiner 77. We've got the great pleasure to welcome writer to the Brotherhood. congratulations to Ginger Healthcare Account Jesus and the misses. Congratulations to the Jesus now known as Meteorology Technician Jesus due to a job change. Happy 69 minus 6 minus 9.

Wait, 69 minus 6 minus 9 to since nobody else will Jesus. And happy 6th and 7th birthday to Jill and Katie. And that's 93x News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show. been a lot of those nights, obviously, you know, you're up in these decisions and they're uncertain, and you're trying to make sure that you don't lock yourselves into what you did and thinking that it's always right. And so there's those nights that you wake up and

start at the ceiling and ask yourself. But I always go back to the process and what we thought at the time. It's easier to kind of go and be revisionist and results-based, but going to really think through what we had at the time. I still understand why we did what we did. The results maybe didn't play out the way we wanted them to. Oh, my damn. Let's get some good use out of Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder here. Good luck. This morning. Yeah.

Good morning. Well, you're the one in Florida on the beach. On the beach, he said. Frozen on the beach. Oh, yeah. People have been telling me, yeah, hey, your buddy, Randy Shaver, went down to Florida. And I say, yeah, I hope he stays there. And then they say, but you should bust his balls.

It's the coldest couple of weeks in Florida since the beginning of time or something like that. Yeah, it's pretty chilly. But what are you dealing with down there? Frozen iguanas, right? I keep reading articles about iguanas. Have you seen any of that? I have not, no, but it's unusual to wake up to frost on your car and grass in Florida. But it's exactly what it is the last three days.

Is that what happens, Josh? The iguanas freeze and they fall from the trees. Yep. And they hit you over the top of the head, smash your car windshield and things like that. Yeah, every year it seems like they have these stories. And it's must, like Randy said, it's different this year. There's plenty of stories about, there's a couple ladies, for example,

that have gone around with, like, garbage bags picking them up and trying to warm them up. One lady claims she eats them. You know, when they fall. Oh, I don't like that. The falling iguanas. She eats them. Girl.

Warm them up so that they become alive, and then you kill them so you can eat them. Sounds like that's exactly what that. Randy Shaver calling in from Florida, Bradrider here in town. Big things have called. We've got loose with a couple of our local ball club since we last spoke. Jeez, Louise.

Big damn things. Some high rollers in town were dumped on their asses. It happened within like an hour or two of each other on Friday, right after we got off the air. It all happened very quickly, Bradrider. You know that those firings happen very quickly and out of nowhere sometimes. Oh, yeah. I'm aware of that. If you follow the Minnesota Vikings,

it probably didn't come as a huge surprise that the team canned their general manager over there. Dude goes by the name of Quasi Adofo Mensa. He wasn't thrilling. It wasn't thrilling anybody when it came to drafting players I had heard. Well, we got plenty of texts on it. That's why I was thinking, like,

texters are going to be pretty psyched on Monday. Siked? Yeah, people were furious. with his, you know, sticking with JJ and not being very good in the draft. Throughout the football season, I heard all kinds of buzz that, you know, if the team doesn't really push out something special at the ass end of the year, that this was a likelihood. So it happened on front.

The time was a little unusual. I mean, you'd think maybe they would have done it a couple of weeks ago instead of sending him down to the senior bowl to scout. Well, maybe he's got a girlfriend down there or something. I don't know. They wanted to be nice and let him go enjoy the senior bowl. So, I mean, other than his troubles drafting, obviously it didn't help that he and troubled head coach Kelvin O'Conrad

fell in lust with and banked the ball club's future on an injury-prone and completely unproven. quarterback. Well, if you read, if you believe what you read, Kevin O'Connell was not necessarily on board with J.J. McCarthy being the starting quarterback to start the season. Oh, yeah. He felt that he felt he wasn't quite ready. And that's just, the real problem for Quasi boils down to the drafting. Zero Pro Bowls out of any of the players he drafted in the four years. Zero. And start time, I was reading this weekend,

I think it's the second fewest number of starts by players drafted over the last four years. Well, you can't, you can't build a football program. You can't build a championship team. If you're not drafting well and getting the most out of those picks, especially when you have team control over a certain period of time. You just can't do that. And so in order to make that up, he has to go out and spend a ton of money in free agency.

And that's where the Vikings get themselves in trouble with the salary cap. I went a little deeper on that stat, that same stat over the weekend, Randy. I saw it second worst as far as games started by players you drafted. I mean, I know it's kind of a detailed explanation, but not only is it the second worst, but it's the second worst by quite a ways. Like, it's not even close to even the middle of the pack. I think the, I mean, the Packers have the most. I think it was 563 games started in that four-game stretch, and the Vikings had

172. I mean, it's when you can't draft players that are capable of starting in the league over a four-year period, you're going to get fired. I mean, especially in this league. I mean, you need to hit on your drafts in this league because everybody, He's got the same salary cap, so everybody's playing, in theory, with the same amount of money. This isn't Major League Baseball where the Dodgers can just, you know, go out and trade their prospects, and every year compete, or the Yankees or the Red Sox.

Everybody's playing with the same amount of money, and so you've got to have a general manager or somebody in charge that can hit on your draft picks. And if you don't, this is what happens. Here are some other comments I heard, or read, I should say, comments that I read about Quasi Adolfo Mensa. Not the leader the Vikings needed. He lacked leadership skills. He spent a lot of time in his office and not enough time circulating among staffers.

He wasn't available enough to coaches, to executives, and to players, especially after he had a kid or two. I read a couple of comments saying, once the guy had a couple of kids, he never answered the friggin' phone. Yeah, some people were giving them crap for taking paternity leave. There was plenty articles on that. That kind of stuff all comes out afterwards. To me, that's not the reason why. No. No.

I mean, if he were hitting on his draft picks, people wouldn't care if he was in the office, you know, 80 hours a week or 30 hours a week. They wouldn't care. That kind of stuff comes out afterwards and people are piling on. That's not the reason he got fired. Well, they weren't saying it was the reason. They were just saying other negative things about the man. But I agree with Brad. You wouldn't hear about all that stuff.

if the Vikings had made the playoffs the last few years. And the players he drafted were playing. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. I'm just reading what other people have said about. He was hired four years ago, the first NFL general manager with a background primarily in analytics. He never played or coached football at all. Right, which was a red flag when he was hired four years ago.

Now, other information here, there was talk about an underlying tension in the Vikings' offices. Some even called the overall vibe ugly. But it's all over now. Rob Brzezinski. Yeah, he's great. Is he great? Yes. Rob Brisinski is a fantastic guy.

I don't know if he'll end up being the general manager. He's the one that basically runs. the salary cap for the Vikings. And he's been a part of their organization since 1999. He's been around a long time. I think I've heard you bring him up before Randy Schaer. He's very intelligent. He knows the league.

He's very well liked. Again, I don't know if he'll end up being the person that replaces Quasi. But he's handling the gig for now. Yeah, that's right. He'll take him through the draft. And he'll be old school. He will go through all the scouts. will, you know, it'll be a meeting of the minds.

It won't be something where he says this is what we're going to do and it's all on him. He's been around since 1999, so he's not the new guy in the corner puking his guts out. No. He's got some experience. Yes. Others are saying that Odofo Mensa's biggest F-Up was that he had a chance to trade for Patriots quarterback Drake May, but it didn't. happen. Says here last

off season, the Vikings wanted to trade up in the first round to draft Drake May. It was Quasi Adolfo Mensa who decided not to give the Patriots what they wanted at the time. And stuck with the unproven and injury prone.

What did you call them again, Dana? The spas. The spas that we currently have in the quarterback room. So there you go. Well, all this means is that KOC is now the person basically in charge of football operations. So if this team doesn't move forward, the pressure now lands pretty much squarely on Kevin O'Connell. He's the next fall guy. Yep.

So that's what all this means. I think that's part of the reason, too, why you saw them spend a lot of money to keep Brian Flores around. I mean, because I'm not saying that this is going to happen, but if they don't have a good season next year, they want to make sure they had somebody else in the building that was capable of taking over. If there is another fall guy. Now, the other big gang bang here in town,

a couple days ago, the Minnesota Twins and President Derek Falvey mutually agreed to part ways. I don't think there's much mutual about that. What does this do for me as a twins fan? Explain it to me, because I don't know what this means for me. I don't think it does anything. Okay.

I think Falvey realized that this organization is such a mess. It's probably better for him professionally to move on and find another job in baseball. Because let's be honest, this thing is not going anywhere. Oh, I'm still sticking with my prediction that the twins are going to shock Major League Baseball this summer. Okay Shock more than Major League Baseball if they did But yeah I put some money on that if you feel good about it

I'll put some money on it Once the other Polad brother took over I think you know I think From what I'm reading or hearing I think you know Falby and the other one Had a decent relationship And I don't think that this new one

That's come in has the same type of personality And I just don't think the personalities match From what I'm hearing very well I also think that the poll ads keep talking about wanting to compete and plan to compete, but they're not spending the money in order to do that. And so now you have to be the one that provides the message to the team, the coaching staff, the fans, that, yes, we're going to compete. Yes, we're out to, when you're really, at this point, you're not.

You don't even have a bullpen at this point. And you're two weeks from players reporting. I mean, so I can understand why Falvi, if the opportunity was there to part ways, it makes sense for him professionally just to say, okay, this is not going to work. Josh, you got to love those ride or die twins fans, you know what I mean? All in all the time. Like Fireplace Jesus, who just texted in to say, let me know when the twins are in the playoffs.

then I'll care. That's one of those ride or die. He bleeds red, white, and blue twids. So you're telling me there's nothing promising about this. There's nothing positive about this? I don't think it changes anything. Okay. I honestly don't.

Well, I mean, let's be honest, the whole part of the, it's not like Derek Falvey has wasted so much money and free agency that he lost his job because of that. They don't spend it. They haven't. enough to compete. And Brad's right. Baseball is so different

than the NFL and all the other sports. The twins, even if they did go out and spend another 50, 60, 70 million dollars likely wouldn't be competitive to win a World Series. They just wouldn't.

The Dodgers, three players on the Dodgers, that's more money. than like five or six franchises spend on their entire rosters. Right. It's just not fair. It's not fair.

If you like baseball, you better enjoy this season because I don't think there's going to be a 20-27 season, or if there is, it's going to be a very short season because they're going to have to strike, lock out, and fix this thing, and it's going to take a long

time and a lot of negotiations. They have got to get a salary cap. They have got to figure out of a way. Yeah, it's time. To get a salary cap, because And they're not going to get it done before the start of next season. It's tough. The signing of Kyle Tucker by the Dodgers, I think, put everybody over the top.

It's just not competitive. It just isn't. I think this gang of misfits that they have on the Twins roster is going to get it done. And no one in town is going to know what to think. You know what I mean? It's going to be like Major League. That's what I'm picturing. No one's going to have any answers at that point.

Well, what the hell do we do now? I love when you do this because you see. Yeah. I think we all hope that that happens, but for the long-term health of the game, it's almost better that they don't this year. Right. Because then if some team comes out of nowhere with a little tiny payroll and wins the World Series, the big payroll people or owners are going to go into the off-season

and say, see, we don't need to fix anything. Yeah, they're going to say if it's not broke, why fix it? Right. It's going to be a great summer. Did we cover this yet? Okay, so it's Super Bowl Week, right? It's Super Bowl Week. Coming up Sunday, the Seeducks, and the –

did anyone mention this yet? Sam Darnold has a career record of 0 and 4 against the New England Patriots and the four losses. He's been outscored 123 to 23? No. It's not exactly promising. That's pretty bad. So we've gone from he can't win the big one to that stat now.

What do you mean? Well, before it was – we can't. can't keep him because he can't win the big game. Well, now that he's gotten to the Super Bowl, now we're going to say he can't win the Super Bowl because he's 0 and 4 against the Patriots. It's just a warning. It's just numbers, Bradrider. Don't be afraid of numbers.

They can't hurt you. Do you find numbers scary, John? Oh, yeah. Yeah. In the four games at Sam Darnold, what numbers are scary to you, Josh? I'm trying to remember the old joke when you're a kid. Seven? Yes.

You're afraid of seven. That you're afraid of seven. Oh, 6-8-7? Because 7-8-9? 7-8-9, that's it yet. I didn't even go in order. Nope, nope. I was just going to let it go.

You must have hit your head on the way in. You're married to an elementary school teacher. You should know these types of things how to count to 10. In Sam Darnold's four career games against New England, he has tossed one touchdown and nine interceptions. Wow. Who was he playing for when that happened? Yeah, I don't know.

And he was probably playing against Tom. Brady. Well, probably the Jets, right, because they're in the same division. So that's probably why. I mean, you can't really compare that. I don't know if you always follow football much, but the Jets haven't been too good in Lennie. Yeah. Yeah. That's not really fair. Josh, a listener knows a number that you're afraid of. What's that? Your wife's number. Oh, hey, you know what? Her body count. Yeah, that number is, it's like a Walgreens receipt

at times. It just doesn't end. Oh my God. Afraid of his wife's body count. Because she's never really told you the full truth. You can't. To be honest, I don't know if she can fully remember.

She told me it's a lot. And she's made me Estimo brothers with like an offensive line from the Seahawks back in the day. The entire offensive line? Yeah, a couple of gophers. Well-known gophers. One of them went on to play for the Lakers.

Cool. I got a few Eskimo brothers. Oh. Yeah. I got a Stanley Cup champion. Not out of my current wife. We're just talking about, how do you call it, Eskimo brothers? You got a former blind head coach.

Stanley Cup champion, a longtime NFL coach. What did you say, Brad Ryder? No, I said Mike Zimmer, right? You talked about that. Yeah, yeah. Zimsky. Yeah. He and I are Eskimo Bros.

Which is one of the most hilarious. things that's ever been told to me in public. I'll never forget when this, I was drinking at Medina ballroom, old friend of mine, haven't seen him in a while, comes up, tugs me on the shirt, what's going on? Hey, we're having some laughs, right? And he says, you know, Donna, the gal you used to date?

And I said, yeah, I haven't seen her in a long time. He goes, yeah, you know who she's dating now? Mike Zimmer. I can't believe that. I mean, I dropped to a friggin' knee. I was laughing so hard. I couldn't believe. I know exactly what you're talking about it.

I just can't picture it. I can't picture it. That's why the eye fell out. She'll do that. Because Donna brought so much thunder. Donna brought the thunder and the lightning. All right. So we're all supposed to have a football hard on this week.

Why don't we just jaw jack a little bit, have a little fun with Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder here. What I have in front of me are the most unbreakable NFL records. unbreakable NFL records. Not all of them are terribly exciting, like career receiving yards and things like that. It's all Gerra Rice. We could just sit here and talk about Gerra Rice for 30 minutes,

but I don't want to do that. So I pulled aside a couple that I liked as far as unbreakable NFL records. Quarterback sacks in a single game. Got any guesses who holds that record? Rainier Bradruder. Quarterback sacks in a single game. No.

No, but probably the number is like six or seven, I'm guessing. It is seven. Oh, okay. The number is seven. Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I got two guesses. Go ahead, Brad Ryder. I got two guesses.

Either Bruce Smith. No, Bruce Smith was a schmuck. Are we talking about, we're not talking about just in Super Bowls. No, no, no, no, yeah, yeah. One player, how many sacks did he get in one friggin' ball? Go ahead. I can picture him. He used to play for, he used to play for,

Kansas City, but I can't think of his name. He died in a car wreck. Oh, Derek Thomas. Derek Thomas. Someone looked that up. Did he die in a terrible car wreck? He was one cool football player. He was one of those guys that just looked cool in a football uniform.

Derek Thomas in 1990, sacked Seattle Seahawks quarterback Dave Craig seven times in a single game. That's what he gets for having two first names. This is a guy who worships Josh. Allen. Yeah, exactly. Dang it, I never made that connection. That came back at you pretty quick, didn't it? That was instant.

You got anything against Roger Craig? I watched that documentary, by the way, not to get off topic, it was very good. What documentary? Oh, I was thinking Jim Craig for a second. I'm sorry. The Miracle documentary. Oh, you watched the latest? I watched it over the weekend.

Yeah, that was fantastic. The Netflix one? Boys of Ada, right? Yeah, it was cool. They got them all back together. They got him in the, I think it was about 15 of them. They got him in the arena, sitting on the bench, watching highlights on the jumbo. Oh, cool.

Yeah, it was good. Yeah, it was really good. Tears in my eyes. So Derek Thomas, seven sacks in one game. And he did die. Did anyone look it up that he died? Yes, yeah, it was a car crash. He was going to an NFC championship game.

Oh, man. What? He was on his way to the airport or something like that. He was already retired, right? Yeah, it's two thousand. So he wanted to watch the Rams and Buccaneers play. And so he was going to the airport in a snowstorm. That's terrible.

That's terrible. Only three times since Derek Thomas set that record. Only three times did a player come within one and a half sacks of his record. And one of the three times it was Derek Thomas himself, who had six sacks in a 1998 game against the Oakland Raiders. ball club with the ball club that holds the record for the most consecutive road wins by an NFL team. I'm going to give you the year you'll know the team because they were brutally dominant during this time period. Between 1988 and 1990. Probably San Francisco.

San Francisco won 18 consecutive road games during that. That's crazy. Wow. I'll give you a year. You tell me the team, and it's pretty obvious because they were piss poor. The team. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. John McKay.

Most consecutive losses by an NFL team, the 19, between the 76 and 77 season. Yep, the Buccaneers. The Buccaneers lost 26 straight ballgames. Yeah. John McKay was the head coach. That may never be beaten that record. Hell no. John McKay was so funny, dry humor.

He fully embraced what a miserable occupation he had at the time. We can do it again. After one Tampa Bay game, a reporter put a mic in John McKay's face and said, what do you think of your team's execution today? And he said, I'm in favor of it. That's great. Well, you guys will know this one. Most consecutive starts by a quarterback.

Brett Fav. Brett Fav. Now, you won't know this, but these last two are quite fascinating. Most interceptions thrown in a game. Interceptions thrown in a game? Yes. No way you'll guess it. In 1950, in the season opener, Chicago Cardinals quarterback, Jim Hardy,

through eight interceptions in a game. Wow. You probably don't have that stand in front of you, but I wonder if he had more than eight completions in the game. I don't know. They were just figuring out what they called then the forward pass back in 1950, and Jim Hardy was not very good at it. He threw eight interceptions in a game, and he was a professional. And what's really funny is I saw a picture of Jim Hardy. I'm guessing the man has passed by now.

Oh, yeah. But I saw a picture of him when he was older than the hill. and he's got the game ball from that game where he threw eight and he's still smiling like a son of a bitch. I wonder how many other possessions his team had in that game because there's a lot of games where teams don't even get eight possessions. Right. Right.

Okay, I found a stat line from that game is against the Eagles. He was 12 of 39 passing for 193 yards and eight interceptions. Wow. You got a problem with Derek Thomas? Dana, you don't like two first names. I really buried myself there, didn't I? It can happen. Oh, and finally, the player with the most points in a quarter.

I'll get there. That didn't make any sense what I just said. The player with the most points scored in a single quarter. In a quarter? That's right. Wow. You'll know the name Packers' wide receiver, Don Hudson, scored. Oh, sure.

29 points all by himself in a single quarter. caught four touchdowns. He was also a kicker, and he kicked five extra points. So there's 29 points all by himself. So I'm looking at Jim Hardy's stat lines from the 1950 season. They played

13 games. The eight interception game came in week two. And then week 13, final game of the season, at Steelers. He was going for his own record. He threw five. Yeah. Didn't get through that. Well, of course, the one record that'll never be broken is

Paul Krauss, that record of interceptions in a career at 81 will never, ever be broken. Here's some concerning news. Lou Holtz has reportedly gone into hospice care at 89 years old. Yep. Kind of a polarizing figure. But boy, he was loved in Minnesota when he came here for that short period of time. Yeah, we had a lot of fun for that hour and a half. he was in town. I'll tell you what. I've never, I can remember his first spring game at the

Metro Dome. It was sold out. The Metro Dome was sold out for a gopher spring game. The first one that Lou coached, yeah. Ricky Foggy. Yeah. Amazing. Did you guys know this? Okay, we're also coming up on the Winter Olympics will finally begin Friday. We've been talking up and down this way and that about the Olympics. In the history now of the Winter Olympics, the United States has never meddled in the biathlon event. That's the shooting and skiing event, correct?

That's right. They've won medals zero times. It's a reference to an old song that Josh and I used to like to listen to. In the history of the Winter Olympics, the United States has never meddled in the biathlon. It makes sense to me. You ever try to talk someone into cross-country skiing?

No. I never liked that unit in gym class, that in snowshoeing. Oh, we never had to do that. But I liked snowshoeing a lot. That has got to be... I thought it was cool. That has got to be in the top five most miserable activities known to man. Aging. Skiing uphill? Who's frigging idea was that? So, I mean, I can understand. How are you supposed to talk a 13-year-old kid? If you want an Olympic champion, you got to...

to start young. How to hell do you talk a 12-year-old kid into cross-country skiing when all of his friends are flying downhill on snowboards and downhill skis? That looks more fun. I'll tell you what, Josh, I'd rather be a judge at an all-scar battle of the bands. I'd rather enter a swing dancing competition than cross-country ski. Yeah, I hope to never do that again. gym teachers weren't too fired up about it either, trying to get all the kids in the equipment and stuff, and you got like 40 minutes to do it. And they were 50. Yeah, exactly.

You were 11, and they got to follow you around on those cross-country skis. They were exhausted. Kids are falling over, falling out of their skis getting tangled. It was a mess. So I don't think it'll, speaking of unbreakable records, there's no way we're ever going to meddle in the biathlon. And I think I'm kind of proud of that, really, as an American. Yeah, me too.

Because that would mean that somehow, somehow this country is focusing on cross-country skiing. And I'm against that 1,000 percent. Not just the biathlon, but some of these Winter Olympic events, I wonder like, how do people get into this? You know, none of my friends, even Minnesota had aspirations. Like, I'm going to become a bobsledder, you know? I don't know. Yeah.

That part, that does look cool, though. I got into, as a kid, I used to love watching that stuff. You know, it wasn't that long ago. We were talking about this bobsledder that I got naked with him in Jamaica. He's a local guy. One medals as a bobsledder. And then we went to Jamaica together and the two of us got naked. Josh refused to get naked with us.

I don't do that. That's rude of you, Josh. If I remember, we asked him, how in the hell there's a kid from Shacopi or wherever he was originally from. How do you get into that? And I think he said he was an excellent skier and he may have had some Olympic aspirations. But he finished like 120th, right? Yeah. And someone on the Olympic Committee pulled him aside and said,

hey, look, nobody wants to ride in this bobsled. Are you up for it? And he said, sure. And he was a natural. Yeah. I think I read something one time, too, about how bobsleders, it's not like they start young. There's a lot of the really successful ones that come from other sports.

Yeah. You know, I mean, like, remember Herschel Walker? Herschel Walker. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about that. Walker after football, he got into Bob sledding. I think if you're fast and you're strong and got some balance, they can probably teach you how to drive that.

Because there's different jobs for the four guys in the sled, right? And I think Herschel was the pusher. He was one of the pushers. So he jumped in last or was whatever it was. But, yeah. H-FAC delivery, Jesus, Nick, reminds us of there was a great story that came out of cross-country skiing. Remember when the guy got frostbite on his penis?

Oh, yeah. That was pretty funny. Oh, yeah, that was a cross-country skiers. A couple years back. Good memory. One of the past Olympics, it was so stinking cold. And they wear those rubber suits. They look like...

Wear nothing at all. Yeah, they look like their background dancers for a Vegas show, you know, these cross-country skiers. Very thin material. And the dude froze his pecker off. Can't even imagine. Frostbite. Terrible. Just about killed the guy.

Brad mentioned that, you know, kids don't start out as bobsleders. I'm not picturing what a disaster literally bobsledding would be. All right, here you go, kids. Shove them down the track. Oh, now I want to see it. That would be, there would be no survivors. No. Yeah, yeah, but the cool parents are the ones that create the bobsled track in the big backyard.

Oh, those are cool to see. Those are the cool parents. So this guy that we knew, yeah, he pretty much said, He became a bobsledder because no one else wanted to do it. And you guys got naked together. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. And I was in the shape of my life at that time. We got naked.

Do you regret not getting naked, Josh? Nope. No, I don't do that. How about this now? There's a German bobsleder who will be racing at this year's Olympics, their third trip to the Winter Games, don't you know? And this year, Bob Sletter paid for the trip to Italy with their sexy only fans page. The German bobsledder goes by the name of Heinrich Beer Wagon.

I'm kidding. It's very confused. They say, Cubby, they say it looks like a Pringles can. Oh, geez. On Henrik Beirwax. No, her name is Lisa Buckwitz. It's gorgeous. She's a bobsledder for Germany, but she also has an only fan's page ski.

Many of the athletes have to foot the bill. If they want to compete. She said this about her only fan setup. She said, I will definitely not show myself naked. Then what are you showing? She's got some risque photos on there. Keep in mind, Cubby's definition of risque. That's true.

It's still slut. She's in a sports bra or something. She's in what some people call a bikini. Not even in a bikini. She's got a bra strap showing out of her tank top, Ashley. That's risque for Josh. Noddy. She looks absolutely built.

Like she definitely works out way too much. But, well, that wasn't meant to be an insult, by the way. Do you have to be, like, extremely physically fit to be a bobsledder? I have no idea. Ashley was just body shame in the other direction. Yeah, no, no, no. She works out too much. I didn't meet it like that.

If you're pushing that thing down and you want to get the maximum speed before you jump in. I mean pushing. Yeah. I mean, she could kick all of our ass. Why do you keep saying pushing? They're sliding down a mountain of ice. We've got to get it going. To get it started.

That's like four and a half seconds where they're pushing the damn thing. Well, yeah, but every second matter so. That's not the way I see it. It's not. They don't time it. It's judged. It's judged. There's a judge at the bottom of the hill.

6.2. Yeah. The other person who transitioned from being an Olympic athlete to a bobsleder, Lolo Jones. I mean, do you remember, Rainy probably heard that name. Yeah, I mean, she's an Olympic track and field athlete, and now she's a bobs letter. These bobsletters are a bunch of slabs. Anyway.

A bunch of horrors. They take them from anywhere they can get them. Is this for real? It says here every athlete who's representing the United States at this year's Winter Olympics will be receiving a $200,000 gift from Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross, whoever that is. He's very sympathetic to their financial. situation. Some of them, not all of them, but some of them, like I said, they have to pay their way.

He's giving everybody on every Olympic athlete, $200,000? Dude. If he's a billionaire, I'm assuming, I'll be dead. Doesn't even put a dent in his bank account. I should have tried harder to get in the Olympics this year. I think you're past your prime there, pal. Currently, maybe. Yeah.

Although I tried that once. It was a disaster. Oh, yeah, you told us about that. My hamstring is about ripped in half. Doing what? Curling? Oh, yeah. It doesn't seem like it would be that difficult, I guess.

I thought the same thing. I was talking to big game. It was one of those things where they had the radio station out. You know, hey, let's make a video of the radio dorks promoting the St. Paul Curling Club. Yeah. So I was talking to big game. And I couldn't even get down in the position. I was so not flexible enough.

I'd want to be one of the people that makes the ice smooth. Like the little sweeper person? Yeah. I don't get that whole curling operation. at all, but you can ask my wife, the last time they pulled off this Winter Olympics, whenever that was? Four years ago? Huh?

Four years ago, I'm guessing? Well, that's how they used to do it. I thought it was more recent than that, really. Oh, it's four years. Oh, okay. It's two years between the summer and the winter Olympics. Right, right. But I thought there was, it doesn't matter.

Yeah. The last time they went through with this Olympics operation, I felt absolutely in love with the Japanese lady curling team. I could not stop watching them. I was in love. Love, I say. I'm going to guess it wasn't because of their curling. No, I had no idea what I was looking at.

Nick has a thing for really good curlers. There's a lady that was sweeping something. I didn't. I don't understand word one about that sport, but those women were just so stunning. I remember when you found out about girls. sand beach volleyball and how I mean that almost ruined you that Russian twerk team that was another

oh Miss Brazilian bum bum contest the Miss bum bum competition are the man bear pigs beat Ed Mental by four goals up in Alberta this past Saturday night I'm taking away Josh wow yeah he's getting

attacked by Flem today everything's coming up sickness is coming. That's the problem. There is no phlegm. It sounds like it was kind of gurgly. If this was a productive cough, I'd be excited about it, but it's just a dry. Oh, that sucks.

I started smoking cigarettes. Good. Good for you. Tonight, the pigs play at home against Les Abiton. And those two clubs put together a really well-played, tight hockey game last time around. I imagine they'll get a good crowd for that one tonight. Pigs and Les Abiton. Is that a normal start time?

I think so. 6.30. Oh, yeah, that's perfect. Oh, earlier, I wanted to call this out, and we've got to get going here in a little while. We talked about something earlier that Josh and I feel was 100% a setup. Two boxers got in the ring over the weekend at Madison Square Garden, heavyweight boxers. I'd never heard of either one of them, but you don't hear much about boxing anymore. Maybe they're big stars, I don't think so. Two guys are boxing each other.

one guy punched the toupee smooth off of his opponent's head. What's going on with Jarrell Miller's hair, by the way? Is it coming off? What is happening here? It is. Oh, wow. He's losing his hair. Okay.

So the video's very funny. You can catch it on our website. One guy punches the other one in the head a couple times, and his toupee falls off of his head. I think Josh agrees. This was a setup. I think these guys set this up beforehand just to get on YouTube and get a few people interested in boxing. Because the toupee was so poorly placed on this man's head.

He likely would have lost it playing cribbage, for Christ's sake. But he wears it. He wears it in a boxing. You know what's going to happen. It was just dumb. It was funny, but it was also, I think. It was pretty funny, though. I also think there was a setup.

Now, state of hockey. here we go, my ass. I doubt anyone in the room was aware of the fact that there was an NHL outdoor game last night. Oh, yeah. Do you talk about the fight between the goalies? Yes, I believe that was also a set up. I think you might be right. I believe that was agreed upon before the hockey game that the goalies would meet at Center Ice

and have a four-and-a-half-second fight. It was really, there was nothing to it. Yeah, they're taking notes from the WWE and setting things up. Yeah. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I want to be clear that that's okay. That's okay. If you want to set up a fight,

if you want to get a good, a cheap pop from the crowd, go ahead. But I just don't think there was anything legitimate about that fight last night between the two goaltenders. It was Tampa Bay and Boston. You know, I've read dozens and dozens of stories

over the last few years saying that nobody, and I mean nobody watches the outdoor games anymore. So I think these goalies, decided, hey, let's get someone talking about. Especially an outdoor game in Tampa. Right. So what the hell is this? Oh, it's been a while since we talked about the dudes' Golden Gopher Hockey Club,

but they swept Wisconsin over the weekend. So, you know, word up to those boys. Anytime you can get Bucky Badger to each, you'll get a mention on this year radio show. Roll the boat, Sky, you go over Big Ten Network. Timberwolves whooped Memphis Saturday night. Those same two clubs play in Tennessee tonight. Very disappointing loss for the Gopher Man's basketball team to Penn State. Yeah.

Is that now seven in a row since Brad said, you know, if they can ride off a couple, they got a serious tournament aspirations. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Nice job, Brad. I'll stick with my theory, but yeah.

It's good to have dreams, Brad. They lost yesterday in Pennsylvania. I think that was Penn State's first Big Ten win, wasn't it? I know that Penn State had lost eight in a row themselves going into the... So, yeah, seven losses in a row. It was a heartbreaker. A kid from Penn State made a layup with 0.00.9. Next up, the boys will play Michigan State here in town Wednesday.

Seven losses in a row. Five of those losses have. been by four points or fewer. Dang. Yeah. And they lost a couple of really close games before the losing streak. That was one you'd think that could pull out. Right.

The other ones were a little bit more excusable. Excuse me bleh. Since Montreal Canadians are in town, that's my, I can speak a little French. Like the time Josh and I were both race car drivers in formula. Formula He sat in that movie. What was that movie? Talladega nights.

Yeah. A little baseball, something or another here for you. If you care, Louisa Rice has agreed to a deal with the San Francisco Giants. Yep. It's going to play second base for him. Well, that ought to be something. What the hell else is going on? I think you covered it.

You hit most of it. Busy weekend. It was a busy weekend for the love of Pete. Yeah. So you boys, I hope you don't catch this cold that I have. It's going around. I was thinking about coming in studio one day last week, but after you guys got sick, I'll put that off for a while.

Everybody's sick. Yeah, that would have been a bad idea. The cubby says the whole building is just a vomit bag right now. My kid's home from school today. He's got a couple buddies. Same thing. Everybody's got something. Oh, wonderful.

Stay healthy, Brad Rider. Randy Schaeber. We'll talk to you boys soon. See you. Appreciate it. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 1-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Full Send Golf.

You guys know how much I really, really love golf, and I think every week would be dope to post on the golf channel. I want to get a lot of guests on here. Sleem's going to take a leap. I'm down to be in it. It's not really work to play golf. Join the party on the golf course. I was like, let's go to the range.

So what are we putting on it? We said 10K, right? 10K? All right? We probably bet more than all the other golf channels, right? 10K, 9 holes. Those guys bet for. for like cookies.

I feel like I'm going to shank it. This guy's been training like a Navy seal when it comes to golf. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah. Bullsen golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The Half-Ass Morning Show, 93X. Poor timing right there.

Poor timing. It's wonderful. Absolutely wonderful to be coming to you live here on this year. Monday morning. Look at you. Just look at you. You're beautiful. Welcome back to the 93X half-fast morning show.

Oh, cripes. You know, Josh, I got a broskey. I got a friend. Of all the candy in the world, his absolute favorite, are the sweetheart's candy that folks end up trading back and forth come Valentine's Day. I like it, but that's weird. I've never heard somebody say that before. The little hearts, everyone knows what I'm talking about.

So it's not just the whimsy of the sayings. actually like he just wants to eat him up. I bet he's never experienced any of the whimsy. He's not a whimsical person. I always hoped the girl would give me one that was like, I think you're cute or something like that. I think they specifically pulled out the your cutes and everything. Mine were just more banal, like whatever.

Now this cat, he just loves candy, junk food in general. his other because this is something he does talk about quite a bit snacks candy the other candy that he loves are the old-fashioned lollies with like the loop

instead of the stick no just a little stick and there's a powdery candy ball on the top that's what we call them we're lollies like the sweet tart yes it's kind of

Kind of like a sweet tart sucker. Yeah. So good. I found that strange also, like you said, Ashley. I like candy, too, just as much as the next guy. I never thought that anyone's favorite would be those little sweetheart's candies. No. But he's an odd dude.

Have you heard what's going on with this now? Sweetheart's candy have announced a new line of what they can. call here the practical conversation hearts for Valentine's Day? Yeah, they had to change it to conversation hearts years ago. What did it used to be? What was it used to? I can't remember. I always thought it was just a conversation arts. We called them something different. Okay. Okay, so it changed

over to conversation hearts. Sweethearts Candy now has a new line of practical conversation hearts for Valentine's Day and they're gearing them towards the young people. So in the old days they would say marry me, cutie pie, things like that. This is for the younger people. There are new hearts that you can find in the bag and it tells me these sayings apply to dating in the year 20 and 26. The five new messages are split rent carpool, buy in bulk, cook for two and share login that's a big one these days all of that is just a sign to how poor we all are yeah i know it's actually kind of depressing yeah there is a theme there you're right

buy in bulk though i want to touch on that quick that's been like an argument lately young people are doing a lot of buying in bulk what like what's the argument yeah what's the argument i don't know what's wrong with me uh but for some reason and say i'm in the the paper towel aisle. I know that I'm going to need paper towels for a while. There's never going to be a time where I don't need paper towels, but I still won't buy the biggest pack you can buy. I can buy it. I've got the money to, but in my head, I think I'm like spending more money. Just, I don't know. I'd rather spend smaller amounts of money separate times instead of saving money by spending a lot at once. I like to do bulk so you just don't have to go shopping as

right. Well, I love going to the store, so maybe that has something to do with it. But my husband's getting mad at me because he's like, just buy the whole big roll of paper towels or fill your gas tank up all the way. You don't only have to do 20 bucks. Yeah, it frustrates a heck out of them. And I thought maybe I got it for my parents. I asked them and they're like, no, we've always bought in bulk. We don't know what's wrong with you either.

Most often. I guess I've never known the definition of buying in bulk. so that just means you're buying the biggest... Like larger amounts. The biggest addition... When I've heard buy in bulk before, I'm picturing folks who need the guy at Sam's Club to go get the forklift because they're getting 76 cases of baked beans.

No, buying in bulk would be simply you just going to Sam's Club or Costco. Like, those are big bulk places. But if I get the 12-pack of paper towels over the four-pack, am I buying in bulk? Yeah, sure. Oh, okay. And you're spending less per roll of paper towels. I've never paid attention to the definition. Okay.

Yeah, you've got to pay attention to your LPRs when you're buying paper towels and things like that. LPR. Is that something that Costco executive members know about? Less per roll. Okay. I'm sorry? Less per roll. Less per roll. So there you go.

The new Candid Hearts, Conversation Hearts for Valentine's Day will have these hip 20 and 26 little slogan. on it to appeal to the younger people. They say that these sayings apply to dating in 20 and 26. This line of Candid Hearts is called the Love in This Economy Collection. And a poll did say that here in America, 80% of us, what does this say? Money worries are affecting Valentine's Day for 80% of us. Well, I've never been in a relationship where we blew the doors off the joint for Valentine's Day. No, we try to keep it more chill on Valentine's Day. Some of you are up against it, where if you don't have a laser light show and your monkeys are doing backflips and a beautiful meal and jewelry, you're going to be in the doghouse for some reason.

I've never been a part of that scene. I make dinner, like a homemade four-course meal for Valentine's Day. That's pretty fancy. Yeah, and I have a lot of fun doing it. But it's not, like, you know, crazy expensive. It's more expensive than the average dinner, but try to keep it simple. I thought the mean conversation hearts were pretty funny stuff like F you, bite me, drop dead, not today. Oh, I like that.

Go away, eat ass, get lost. That'd be so sad, though, if you were, like, in school and the kids were giving those out. Oh, I'd be terrified. Pick your enemies. I can still find a bag of those somewhere. Yeah, yeah, you can get that. those. Ben Franklin? Do kids still do that at school? Pass out valentines and all that junk? I don't think you can give out food stuff. Yeah, the rules have changed a lot, even since you were a kid.

I guess that sucks. I used to love that getting home from school and then I would sit in the middle of the living room and show my parents every single Valentine I got. Yeah, it wouldn't take too long in my case. We used to be able to buy like roses in high school. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wait, Josh, when you were in school, it was optional, like, who you wanted to give Valentine's to? When I was in school, you had to get one for everybody in the class. No, it was optional back then. Ouch.

Oh, Josh. That's some Ralph Wiggum stuff right there. If we could go back in time, I would make sure your Valentine's box was full. You're very kind. Did you really never get one Valentine in grade school? Maybe one or two, but like from buddy, say an FU or something like that. Your aunt stopped by and filled one out. Grandma showed up.

My heart hurts for you. Give me like a Kmart coupon. Yeah, it was a cold vibe back then. Yeah. It was, you're loved or you're not? And deal with it one way or the other. Yeah, I remember that in grade school. We didn't do it in junior high, but in grade school, I mean, maybe your school had the same setup.

We called them hardograms, I think. Yes. Hardogram. So if I loved Tina, I'd get myself a heartogram and write her something sexy and put it in the Tina pile. folks are saying they do still hand out valentines at elementary school oh good i'm glad yeah but now that you're bringing it up those were stressful oh yeah i hated that day somewhat stressful days because uh you know you walked up to your pile and you sure hoped there was a decent stack of them and just decided i was just saying deciding who to give them to

and what you're going to well i knew who i was giving them to i had a how they were going to respond There were two girls at my grade school who, oh, I knew I was filling them out a heart of Graham. I was such a loser. I used to, I always loved Valentine's Day. I used to make, like, Valentine's desserts, cupcakes or brownies or whatever, to bring to school the next day to give out to people. And I'm talking like middle school. So lame. Then in high school, of course, there was that kissing gimmick.

I think maybe we called them kiss o'grams, where like, let's say, I had a crush on Smashley. I would send her a kiss a gram. I'd fill it out to Smashley from Daddy. I probably would have referred to myself as. And hand it in. And then a group of 10, 12 dudes would rush into your classroom and wearing lipstick. And they'd kiss the hell out of you.

That's crazy. And you would see that it was from me, which then you knew that, you know, I wanted to party with you. This reminds me of something I was talking to somebody. about the other day. We had sex bracelets. Oh, what? In middle school.

Did you ever hit those, Dana? No. So there were like these little rubber bracelets and they were really easy to break. So you could just walk up to somebody and, you know, grab the bracelet, break. And so all the different colors had different meanings. So black would be, that was, you know, as far as you could go. No, no, no. I can't remember if there was an anal one.

But black was sex, of course. and there's everything else in between, you know, sex and kissing. Yellow meant a BJ, red meant a spank on the ass. So what you're saying is if you wanted to have sex with a guy at your high school, everyone's wearing the bracelets. Yep. You'd walk up and crack the black one off his wrist, and that meant you wanted to fold him.

Yeah, exactly. Wow. If you wanted just to dump a dry H.J. on a guy in the parking lot, there was a color for that. Yeah, and I asked my husband because, I mean, He only graduated two years before me or one year. I can't remember. And he said, do you ever use those or play that game?

And he said, no, because I'm not a slut. I've never heard of that. I was like, wow, sorry. We didn't play that game. No. Well, you missed out. Back in our day, if you wanted to have sex with someone, you just had to find a way to tell them.

Kiss of Grams, got a few people texting in. They had the kiss of grams at their high school. Oh, it was just a mess after a while. I mean, if you got a lot of them, you know, the girls would come in and kiss the guys. The guys would come in and kiss the girls. If you got a lot of them, your face just looked like a herpy after three hours of... Were the kissers attractive? Oh, sure.

So it'd be nice to be kissed by them? Well, I mean, not all of them. I mean, you know, what does this say? Wow. So much has changed. A listener texted in to say At his granddaughter's grade school, they weren't

allowed to play tag because someone might be tagged too hard. Oh yeah. Yeah, a lot of that's changed. It even happened when I was a kid. When we played dodge ball, you had to roll the ball. You weren't allowed to throw it. Yeah, dodge ball. Oh, for God's sake. Some school will still do it, but I know

like, yeah, that went away for a little bit for that reason. I got enraged once, though. I rolled the ball of the kid and he saw it coming so he let it go between his legs. He went like, Nana, nana boo, boo. So I just picked her up and just smoked the kids. Classes went flying. We couldn't have been more violent with each other in gym class.

Oh, yeah, that was a blast. Oh, my God, we were violent with each other. No matter what the game was, we found a way to hurt somebody. I hated that as a girl. I hated gym class because all the dudes would just go way too hard. Did you guys have dodge ball when you were growing up as to? Yeah. Oh, gosh.

Yeah, they were, I mean, they were soft, like, nerf-like kind of balls. You're not going to like this, Dana, but one day, probably because we were playing soccer. You sure? And it put me and Big Al in a bad mood right away that we had to play soccer. We cheap shoted Wang so terribly. Dana's got a soft spot for my bro, Wang. I do. Big Al and I cheap shot at Wang so badly, he should have been hospitalized.

I'll never forget him looking at us. Why? I thought we were friends. We were so uninterested in playing soccer. We wanted to be kicked out. So we waited for Wang to get the ball, and we just blasted that sorry son of a bitch. Right in the jaw, just as hard as we could.

Have a ass morning show, 93X. God's sake. We are about ready to disco dance our way out of this nightmare. In a minute or two, we'll be back tomorrow at 540. If any of us has to make a pit stop on the way home to cut a turd, you should probably know about the crapper mapper. Now, this is nothing new as far as I know. I thought a few years ago we heard about a website you can jump on that will tell you about the best public bathrooms in your neighborhood. Okay, so as far as I know, this isn't a brand new gimmick, but a dude who comes to me,

calls himself the crapper mapper has a social media thing happening now where he reviews public bathrooms and tells you how wonderful or brutal they are. So if you're on your way home today and you've got to make a pit stop, maybe look up the crapper mapper. Are people still using poop maps? I haven't heard about it. Yeah, which one was that again? For a while where you would basically drop a pin, quote unquote, any place you went and then you'd share that with, like you would share your location with your other people on the app. So they can say, hey, I poop there as well. Okay. All the different places you poop. A little bonding thing. Yeah, it's one of the strangest apps out there, but I know a few people who kind of got into it for a while.

My buddies and I, we'd never ever have been the share of picture of your poop people. We've talked with that. It's disgusting. But we do sometimes, if you're taking a bath, you know, go to the bathroom, a unique public toilet, you know. We'll send like a point of view picture. You know, I'll take a picture of this stall and say, hey, I'm at the St. Cloud Burger King, rate this stall. And they kind of judge the ambiance and rate it. It's kind of something that's silly we do.

Do you check for reflections, I hope? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, I'd be terrified. Inadvertently sending something. You and your pals will rate a stall in particular. So this guy, I believe he calls his little gimmick, the dump report. He must come from money or something

because he has the ability to wander America and rate public bathrooms wherever he goes. Gives him an overall rating. He just simply reviews the bathroom. There's no footage as far as I know of him actually pressing out a dump. That would be horrible.

Yeah. I wouldn't be telling you about it if that's what he did. Yeah, I'd stay away from that, I think. He just rates the cleanliness, how close the bathroom is to the front door, I guess. That would benefit some of you folks who suffer from Code Browns. Yeah, definitely. The style of toilets and sinks, the availability of paper seat covers, never used a paper seat covers. never used a paper seat cover.

No, I haven't either. They're annoying. That's for sissies. Are they even around? I guess I just don't pay attention. Right, I just don't check. I see him at the Mall of America and the airport. I like to feel it, you know.

You want to feel those hot buns from before. Yeah, don't put that in between. But the guy is very thorough. I mean, I'm not even done yet as far as what this guy looks into and rates when he's in a public bathroom. How many stalls? How spacious they are? Water pressure. So there's an app.

available called the crapper mapper where you can get your dump report. There's a few people saying they do still use poop maps. Do they? Yeah. So I guess that's still kind of popular. Keeping the dream alive, huh? You know, I'm cool going wherever. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I don't think I'll make an extra, you know, drive an extra mile to get to a better bathroom. No. Yeah, if I have to use the restroom, I have to use the restroom. Right. Ditto. I have had many, many, many, many, many, many, many, desperate moments. Not lately. My system has greatly improved. It's been a long time, actually, I'm happy to say, since I had to worry about racing my car into a gas station parking lot and praying

there's an available stall. I'm very happy that those days have come and gone. So he does have some local joints here that he has raided. He's from Kansas City, but at one point or another, he made his way up to these parts. He went ahead with a five turds out of five, not stars. He rates it by turds. Five out of five for a gas station in Albertville. Love's gas station in Albertville. Some of you is, I'm sure, are very familiar.

Huh, I never went to the loves. I'd always hit up the quick trip there. They have a nice bathroom, too. His only, and he still gave it five turds out of five, his only criticism, I guess, of Love's gas station in Alberville, that it is that it did not have a bidet. I've never seen a public bathroom bidet. No, me either.

I bet that would be absolutely vile. The first time I had a bidet was at a restaurant. Really? Yeah, it was a pad-tie place. And I was on a date, actually, and I only had to pee, but the one urinal was taken, so I went and sat on the toilet, and I noticed it, and I started playing with it, and you can mess with the temperature and stuff.

I ended up sitting there for way too long. And then I realized, like, she must think I'm just taking a hellacious dump right now. Because I was in there just messed around with it. It was kind of fun. It was almost like a game. It had like this big control panel as if it was like, I don't know, like some type of like your car dashboard or something. Wait, you sat to pee? Yeah.

Finally, a man after my own tastes. Yeah, I know that's your game, Josh. And I'm doing it more and more as I get older. You're really? Yeah. I'm just kidding about mine. Oh, you are? I thought you said you did this from time to time.

That's a joke. God, dang it. Yeah, when you're like super tired. A listener is texted into guess that maybe the crapper mapper isn't over-the-road truck driver. Could be. Oh, yeah, that's a very good guess. I don't know. He didn't have great things to say about the stalls.

Well, that's not the correct term. The bathrooms. He didn't have great things to say about the bathrooms at the Mall of America. I understand. He only gave them a two turds out of five. Didn't like the smell, he said. A lot of people in it. A lot of people coming in and out from all different walks of life and meals.

I mean, yeah, that's difficult. It's like an airport bathroom. Right. That's tough to maintain. There's really no way you can control that environment. My God, the amount of people racing in and out of there. And there's a joint and wisetta called Benedict's. I'm familiar with Benedict's.

That's my hometown. They got a five turds out of five review. So far, 500 bathrooms have been ranked in the United States. This guy is picking up steam, and I'm not trying to be cute with that. We've got to get going. But I had such a great experience in a Mall of America bathroom a couple years ago. I walked in there to take a squeege. And as I'm standing there, two young dudes walked in,

and I was so thoroughly entertained by their conversation. Two young dudes walked in, and everything that they said to each other ended with the word, ho. So they walk in, the guy's like, would you skip class today, ho? And he's like, yeah, ho. Well, who do you have fourth hour, ho? Well, Mrs. Johnson, ho?

Oh, yeah, she a mean bitch, ho. Yeah, she is, ho. Right? And I've got my D in my hand taking a whist. I'm just smiling ear to ear because this is so funny. And the icing on the cake was one of them goes into the stall that take a deuce. And I hear him rattling around the toilet paper receptacle, right? Yeah. And he says this out loud while his buddy's on.

on the outside of the stall, obviously, and so am I. He's rattling around and he says, where's the toilet paper, ho? I'm going to be doing that all day, hol. I just told myself, I'm a lucky guy that I got to overhear. We got to get the hell out of here. Happy birthday to Molly, turning the big 09, from your driving me nuts, Jesus,

to clean, too clean seal coating Jesus, shouting out his daughter, Haley, on her 17th birthday. Happy birthday to tinker Jesus from Ohio, Moostuff Jesus and happy 29th to Asphalt Cowboy Jesus from Lil Ma Sheezes. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

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