93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Carrot Maxing

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

Originally Aired March 16, 2026: The return of Thermos Man. Diarrhea....cha cha cha. Everything you ever wanted to know about Medical Wieners.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserves is 1930. The 93X-ha-ha-ha-ha-assed morning show. Yeah, they did good, didn't they, Josh? The plow driver people, they did a hell of a job. It looks like nothing even happened. I was surprised how good the roads were this morning.

We should start the day by giving the plow driver people a word life and a word up for making it possible for us to get around this morning. You knocked it out of the park again. My only wish, plow driver's. driver people is that I could have used your beautifully manicured roads for something other than a car ride into work. But that's not the point. Did a wonderful job. Yeah, like I said, I didn't go anywhere yesterday. You know, I kept reading how bad the roads were. And I thought, well, I'm going to give myself a little extra time this morning. Could be rough. And it was the freeways

especially. I mean, it was like nothing happened at all. I thought the same thing. They nailed this. We dedicate. We're very lucky. We are. We dedicate today's program to you. Welcome to the damn 93X half-ass morning show. Disease continues to thrive in our radio studios. Smashley's not going to make her today. Neither is Randy Shaver. I understand they're both spending most of their days on the toilet. Yeah, I'm not so sure about Randy, but Ashley certainly, she's got something going on.

And as a matter of fact, they thought it was pretty bad over the weekend where she had to go to the emergency room and then the emergency room said, no, whoever set you here was a little off. Oh, really? That sucks. She's not feeling well, but luckily it could have been worse. They can't get off the toilet, either one of them, because of some type of killer virus

living in the walls of our broken down building here. Man, that happened to me a couple months ago. It is no fun whatsoever. I'm lucky that I... Well, not for you. Yeah, you guys enjoyed it. You guys do take comfort in my misery. Well, no, no, no.

That's not just you. Are you not sort of enjoying the fact that Randy and Ashley are sick? No, after going through it so recently, not at all. Oh, loosen up. Oh, I don't take joy in other people's misery. Josh is having a good time. No, I don't think he is. I'm not glad that Ashley's sick.

I take no joy and Ashley being sick. I'm the only one who's going to have a good time with this. I think so, yes. Well, you know, I'm having half a good time. I'm not going to wish negative things upon Ashley. Oh, yeah. And Randy's been through way worse. He can survive anything.

We know this now. This place is just dripping with disease. It's weird, isn't it? I think I'm next. I slept all day yesterday. Oh, so we wished them both a long painstaking recovery. A couple days, a couple cold days in front of us now, and then we're going to warm back up again.

It's going to be a beautiful, sloppy mess around town by Wednesday. I love those. I don't know about the rest of you. I love those slushy, sloppy late winter days. I love piles of slush and slop flying because it's a sign that it's coming to a close. Oh, I assumed you'd be going a different way with that. Like driving by classmates walking and splashing the heck out of them. We used to make a habit out of doing stuff like that.

You see some elderly people on the sidewalk? No, people we knew. Yeah, we wouldn't go after the elderly. Oh, you would only hit familiar faces. Yeah, friends and whatnot. With the big puddle on the side of the road. There was one time I thought, oh, God, we drowned him. There was so much water.

I couldn't believe a buddy of mine had a big SUV, and he got him so good. I thought, we're going to have to call Noah to build an arc. He's never getting out of that. You look like your vehicle is being featured in a Chevy truck ad. Pretty much. Yeah, and just like a rock, right? and then you spray the...

I do like those days and we'll have them. We'll have them. You know, soon enough, it'll be, you know, summertime. I'll be carrot maxing and getting ready for summer. Yeah, you better start that now. Does it take a while to set in? Well, I mean, I think that's kind of like a winter thing, right? The carrot maxing.

so you can bronze yourself without getting any real sunlight. Oh, I should have taken advantage of this in the winter. Okay, this is all new to me. Dana, do you know about the carrot maxing? I've heard a little bit about it. Basically, you eat a lot of carrots to try to make your skin a little bit more bronze.

Oh, yeah. Was it Steve Nash? There was an athlete who made these funny videos. Maybe it wasn't Steve Nash. And one of them was he was carrot maxing. I mean, this was like 10 years ago or something like that where he kept showing him. himself eating baby carrots and he got more orange and orange and orange. It was a bit. I got to

look that up. It was very funny. This guy, he just used to make really funny videos. So I didn't take advantage of this. I should have taken advantage of it in the winter. So I looked tan. While everyone else looked transparent and sickly, I was thinking that it, I mean, I suppose you can go in whatever direction you want with carrot matching. I was thinking it was, this is how I get a tan in the summer without sitting out in the sun, which I don't enjoy doing. I can only tolerate a little bit of direct sunlight before I just, I feel awful. I'm trying to remember the last time I had a carrot. I get so drained by the sun.

Good. Oh, I had some over the weekend. Was it in a cake? Oh, God. Carrots really are what makes up a carrot cake? Yeah, there's carrots in there. I had no idea. My grandma used to put the shaved carrot shreds.

in jello. And I never really enjoyed that too much. And celery. Oh. Celery inside cake? In jello. I'm sorry, in yellow. Carrot shreds in jellows. That sounds terrible. I always thought carrot cake was just a nickname. Over the weekend, I had some carrot sticks that you go ahead and dip in something or other. You following that? Sure. But you're still trying to rack your brain to the last time you had a carrot. Been a long time.

If you're brand new to this, you're not alone. Carrot maxing is where you eat a high volume of carrots, a high volume. Three or more large carrots a day. Chomp it up and it'll change your skin tone. You will gain, apparently, allegedly, a natural glow or a fake tan without having to sit out in the sun. Boy, I worked at a restaurant, you guys, Dana, maybe you haven't heard this, but we had these giant organic carrots, huge. I mean, just...

Like Scotty Pippin. Bigger than Scott E Pippen. Really? I mean, gigantic. Like, what's that guy's North? What's his name? Peter North? Peter North.

And we used to whittle penises out of them. Oh, yeah. What's that guy's name? North. And I got pretty good at it. I'm not very artistic, but when I was motivated to make the best penis, I mean, eventually I made veins and everything.

I had a buddy that was awesome at it. You didn't make veins. Dude, I probably have pictures somewhere. They'd be like Polaroids. I got to find those things because we got so fixated on that. There'd be shifts that went by, and I realized I didn't do anything for work. I just made two perfect genuses out of these giant organic carrots. I didn't even know they got that big.

When you eat a lot of carrots, something enters your bloodstream and then gets dumped into your skin. There's a medical name for it. Oh, I guess it's, I assumed that the medical name would be very difficult. But no. Keratinemia? It turns your skin a yellowish-orange color. Kind of like jaundice. They say it's not terribly dangerous, considered harmless.

I don't know. So if you don't like the sun, you got your spray tan booth? And you got your carrot matching. Yeah, if you don't like carrots, you're just going to be pasty. Yeah. Or whatever your natural color is, that's where you're staying. Or if you go to the spray tan booth, you'll look like a turd like I did. I thought they were all high tech now.

They are. But just it takes a little bit. Oh, you went too dark, though. You can't take a shower for the first 24 hours, otherwise it just rubs off. So when it first happens, you look like just burnt. Well, I thought you just went like way too dark. No. That your situation?

Mm-mm. It was just once you shower, then it kind of evens out. I don't know about you. We sound like we had different experiences. When I hit the spray tan booth, I was gorgeous, and I wanted it to be my regular thing. Did you do the one that's automatic or where there's a person spraying you? I don't remember if there was a live human being with a hose in their hand on the other side of the room. I just remember closing my eyes and taking it.

and I was, Dana, I couldn't get enough of looking at myself in the mirror. I was beautiful. Is that different than most days? Yeah. I loved it, but I only did it once because my buddies busted my balls so badly. Yeah, I'm embarrassed about how much I was obsessed with being tan when I was in high school. So you were like a multiple guy? I'm talking about back in high school.

I would go tanning all the time. Did you really? Yeah. Okay. I don't see you as a guy that goes tanning. all the time. That was different when I was 17. Like a tanning bed laying out with, oh, but how many... But that's usually kind of

reserved for, no offense, but aesthetically pleasing people. Right. Well, you were just doing your best? I'm trying to fit in, man. I hear you. How many times did you spray tan? Twice. And it didn't work out for you. No, it worked out fine. It's just the initial thing. So they

do the spray tan, you can't wash yourself off for 24 hours. Otherwise it just undoes everything. Right. So that initial first day, you look really weird. They tell you like, so I did it for my wedding, so they have you do it a couple days in advance so that the day of the wedding you don't just look like a burnt turd. Yeah, yeah. I hear you. I don't think I looked really weird at all. I loved it. I only did it once, and that was at the recommendation of a coworker. When we went to Jamaica, she was like, hey, you got to do something. Otherwise,

you're going to burn to a crisp. Right. And I don't know how much that actually helps. So I did it the one time. I felt ridiculous. It was a machine, you know, like a shower. where you just kind of sat there and then it dosed you. So I didn't, I think that was pre-having people with an airbrush taking care of you. I'm sure that looks better. Yeah, I felt bad. I wanted to tip that poor woman who had to hose me down while I'm standing there in my skivies. That's a tough gig.

Especially because she's probably getting pretty close to get all the nooks and crannies. Nick, your brother was in powerlifting and stuff like that. Unfortunately, he still is. Did you go to any of the shows? Have you been to a fitness show where they speak? bray tan ahead of time? No. So I know what you're talking about.

It's outrageous. So it's not like power lifting necessarily. Body building. It's just, it's like for some of the fitness competition, sure, they're muscular, but some of them it's just being, you want to see every muscle, right? Right. So they're not eating, not drinking beforehand, getting as dehydrated as possible. Right.

But that's so they get super tan, where it looks ridiculous in person. Oh, it's asinine. But when they're on stage, it does make it. I couldn't believe the difference because they look normal on stage. But when you see them off stage, you're like, you're a completely different person. You look ridiculous. I've never been to one of those bodybuilding or fitness shows in person. But I do know, I know a gal who was once really, really into it.

And I've seen the pictures. Well, actually, now that I think of it, I know two women who got really into bodybuilding or fitness shows, whatever the proper term is. And they showed me pictures. of them on stage, where as you said, Cubby, it seems to work. With the mixture of the lighting and the oil or whatever they put all over themselves, it seems to work. But pictures of them offstage, like with their family,

they look like they're from friggin' outer space. It's silly. My brother, being a power lifter, they never really did any of that because it's just about how much you can lift. You don't stand there in flex or anything. So he was never on stage doing that kind of thing. He never tried bodybuilding or fitness performance. By the way, if you are considering carrot maxing, you got to take a carrot right off the tree, they say, or from the store, from your grocery.

Don't be windmilling canned carrots because they say your sodium level. The sodium will put you in the emergency room before you can say Jack Robinson. So you've got to snap that carrot right off the bush. or grab it from the grocery. You mentioned jaundiced. Have you ever seen somebody who had that? I don't even really know what it means. I just always hear it said when in the context of being discolored in appearance.

So what is? So plenty of babies are, they are when they're born. I saw a person who's very sick, unfortunately. She had it. And it's, I mean, it's, I don't even know what the word is concerning, to say the least. or it's far more noticeable than I thought it would be. I thought it would be kind of something you'd barely notice, but my goodness, you look different.

Let's get carrot maxing, boys. We're due at the beach here in a couple of months. If you don't like to eat them, just anally. Yeah, give that a shot. It works. Put it right up there. Yeah, I tried that spray tanning. I thought I was the most handsome man I'd ever seen.

Unfortunately, I think it was two days. days later, I checked into the beer league hockey locker room, you know, playing hockey with the boys when I walked into the locker room. I was threatened. I was directly threatened by my teammates who said, if you ever do anything like that again, we're going to beat you into oblivion. And so that was it for me. What if you had gone just to a regular tanning booth? Would that, it wouldn't have made a difference? Was it the spray tan, especially that got them? Because it seems like... Because it was so phony, you know. Had I come in, fresh from a tanning bed and looked a little burned, they wouldn't have said anything to me,

because it was so bronzed and so phony looking. Yeah. So. Because it seemed like. They threw a threat my way, and I took my medicine. In the level of crap you get for just tanning in general, whether you're laying out going. So it seems like laying out leased crap in a tanning booth, a little more crap, spray tan, you're getting all kinds of crap.

Maybe that's not the case anymore. That's so easy. though. It's so easy, the spray tan. Supposedly better for you until they find out if there's weird chemicals in there. There you go. Did you see any of the movies who ended up winning Razies? What was the event

last night? The Oscars. The Oscars. The same weekend they give out the Razies. Is that how it works? Yeah. The Oscars are for the best movies. The Razies are for the worst. And who cares about the Oscars? Because eight, nine times out of ten, we've never seen any of the movies. Did you see any of the movies that, did you see

any of the movies that won? I don't. I don't. I was, and who cares about the movies that won Razies. They included, and this is so hilarious to me, the Ice Cube version of War of the Worlds. I heard that is terrible. I think that is so funny. I give the guy credit, because I'm a fan of that movie,

that story, the War of the Worlds. I give the guy credit. I think he decided to make his version of War of the Worlds because he's also a fan. So, you know, good for you, Ice Cube, for trying to put your spin on one of your favorite stories. But everybody hated it. It won Razzie's.

So did some other, some live action version of Snow White starring someone called Rebel Wilson. I don't know who Rebel Wilson is, but I hear the name a lot. I'm trying to, what's the pitch perfect? Yeah, I'm sure you haven't

seen pitch perfect. Unless your wife maybe has watched it. My wife loves those movies. I recognize the name. She's the Australian. Fat Amy. No, not going to work. But I know the movie. Yeah, I think I got to get a look at the Ice Cube version of the War of the Worlds, like I said, because it is one of my favorite stories. I don't think Rebel Wilson was in the Snow White movie. She was in Bridehard. That's what she won worst actress for. Oh, I got confused.

Rebel Wilson was in a movie called Bride Hard. Yeah. And then, separately, there was a Snow White live action. Maybe we should set aside a Friday night and check these out. Yeah, War of the Worlds won a couple of Razies. Yeah, like you said, there's a couple of them never seen. Snow White, that didn't look too good. Gosh, War of the Worlds actually won a lot. I'm looking at the

bigger list. It was almost a clean sweep. Holy cow, yeah. Oh, yeah. Worst picture, War of the Worlds. Worst actor, Ice Cube War of the Worlds. Worst remake rip-off sequel, War of the Worlds, worst director, someone named Dick Lee directed the movie, worst screenplay, War of the... Here's something for you, Josh.

This year's Razzie winner for worst supporting actress is a gal by the name of Scarlett Rose Stallone, and the movie was called Gunslingers. Now, would this be Sly's wife, daughter, daughter. Daughter. Yeah, one of his daughters. Didn't you used to watch his little supposedly reality show where he's at home with his family?

Yeah, I watched the first two seasons. Do you remember Scarlet Rose? Yep. Yeah, and they kind of showed her trying to launch an acting career on there. She was in Tulsa King. Maybe she still is. I haven't watched the most recent season. I wonder how she got that gig.

The one starring her father? Yeah. Maybe he produces it, does everything? Funny how that works. I don't think she's bad. I don't remember her. I'm the world's greatest actors, but maybe just I'm very biased because she's a Stallone. Yeah.

See, now, I'm not familiar, but I hear that Stallone's daughters sling nuclear heat. They are very attractive, yes. And would Scarlet Rose be one of them? Correct. Yeah. None of them are bad on the eyes. The Razies. Fat Moose Jesus didn't even make it 30 minutes into War of the Worlds.

Called it a turd pile. That almost makes me more. intrigued. Well, yeah, like I said, maybe we should check these out. Was it Adam Sandler still that holds the record for most Razies? I think so for that Jack and Jill movie that he made with Al Pacino, where he played himself and his sister. Didn't watch that one. Who the hell?

Who did Adam Sandler watch Al Pacino murder with his bare hands to where Pacino agreed to be in that movie with Adam Sandler? You know what I mean? Yeah. Adam must have witnessed Al Pacino do something horrific at a Hollywood get-together to where Pacino said, absolutely, I'll sign up for your movie where you play a guy and a girl in a fat suit or whatever the hell. I'm an Adam Sandler fan, but even that one was just way too far. Oh, no, I looked up the record for Razies. Uh-oh.

It's Sylvester Stallone. That doesn't surprise me. People... He's been in some piles. Yeah, there's a lot of people that are wrong. But he's for worst actor, though. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, I've seen him in a couple movies where he was just brutal. I mean, we love the guy, but he's no Bobby De Niro.

Boy, Bobby De Niro's not Bobby De Niro. Yeah, that's true. He's another guy that will be in a lot of stuff. What? You didn't like Dirty Grandpa? I turned that movie off. I was so disappointed in Robert De Niro for being in that movie. Never saw it. Don't. No, do. It's going to change you.

Well, yeah, you know, he's changed over the last 25 years, meaning he's a little. more wide open about what he picks and chooses. The guy likes money, just like the rest of us. Most wins for worst actress, Madonna. It's seven. She's awful. It says here that Kate Hudson, Wawa Wewa, she won the Redeemer Award,

where I'm going to guess the gist there is that you suck eggs for a while, then you come back and do something great. they'll give you the Redeemer Award. She was nominated for Best Actress at the Oscars this year, and maybe she won. I have no idea. I didn't watch any of the program last night. She was nominated for a Best Actress Award at this year's Oscars for the song, or pardon me, for the movie Song Song Song Blue. She won a Razzie in the year 20 and 21 for something called Music.

Creative title right there. Music was the name of the movie she really sucked in, but she's come back now with that. Did you check out the song sung Blue? No. I saw it, yeah. Do it the legs come off? They did. It was fun.

It was good. That's a musical all the way through, right? Or no? No. I mean, they sing songs. That said they were surprised by it. Was that you, Nick? I thought somebody saw it and they were surprised by the format.

Well, that was me. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I went to see song, song, Blue. I thought it was going to be kind of like dumb and dumber road trip silly comedy about a Neil Diamond tribute band when it's this dramatic, dark, but yet semi-enjoyable movie. But I wouldn't call it a musical. They sing some songs because naturally the main characters are in a tribute band. But no, it's not a musical. Uh, War of the Worlds is interesting, though. I mean, I love the special effects, and I love the vibe of the Tom Cruise version of War of the Worlds from 15 years ago, whenever the hell that was. I love it.

But I wonder if that version of the War of the Worlds got picked on by the Razies, because it does have the worst ending, one of the worst endings in movie history. One of the most anticlimactic, dopey, stupid endings in the history of movies. I understand they have to at least try to stay true to the original story, which came out in the 50s or whatever, but I thought they could have done something more with it. If you've seen the Tom Cruise War of the World, you know what I'm talking about. You're totally, at least I was, totally digging the darkness of the movie

and the special effects and the aliens are mopping up, which is what I was rooting for, and then suddenly the lights go up. What? Wait a minute. That's it? It's over? If you know, if you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about.

Tom Cruise was nominated for worst actor for that movie. Was he really? For Razies. Hilarious. I dig the idea of picking on Tom Cruise. Don't get me wrong, but yeah, I suppose maybe he wasn't that great, but I just like the story. I like that whole bit.

When those big bastards come up from the ground and, right? And you know your ass is crabgrass. They're coming when you hear that, yeah. I didn't really like that movie too much. Why not? I thought it was kind of boring. And I actually thought that sound was pretty stupid, to be honest with you. Well, now I hate myself.

No, you shouldn't hate yourself at all. I like Tom Cruise, though. Nobody likes Tom Cruise. I mean, he's a little odd, but I like him in movies. You ever run into him up in Brainerd? All the time, yeah. Everybody does. He's got some property up there.

Yeah, he does. What else is going on? Well, hopefully everyone else can stay healthy. I think you and I knocked it out of our system, you know, hanging on a little bit to some flam and whatnot, but I think we're past it. Well, I still got a cracked rib. Did you really crack it? Oh, I thought it was like a little pulled muscle.

They x-rayed it and everything? No, no, I didn't get an x-ray, but after talking to a couple of doctors, they're pretty convinced it's a cracked rib. How do you know when it's just about frigging over for you? You crack a rib while coughing. That's not as bad as the guy we worked with who crashed his car on the freeway while sneezing. Yours makes more sense, you know. This is ridiculous.

Cashed a car while sneezing. There was one sneeze, sneeze, crash, big one. And you sneeze big, you could handle driving while sneezing. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, I still can't friggin, you know, movement isn't the easiest thing for me. Unbelievable. You know, I mean, a cold. caught a cold and the end result was a cracked effing. Come on. It sucks. How do those old

timers do it? How did my dad have a smokers hack for 35 years? I don't get it. Because I've had a terrible cough now for two months and I can't, I mean, I'm going to snap. There are, I mean, you're definitely getting better, but there were times where I thought, geez, he doesn't get a break. No. For you folks with smokers hack, how the hell do you do it? So there you go. All right, we might as well get going again. I suppose 7.30 when we normally have Randy Shaver duck in, Brad Ryder still might be there on the telephone,

wanting to jaw jack with us. There's lots going on. You know, the basketball tournament's all set to go, this and that. So we hope we can wrap with Brad. But for now, Ashley, out with a sickness, and so is Randy Schaever. We'll see what happens a little bit later. You're a terrific crowd. Again, this show is dedicated to the plow drivers.

Excellent work. It's like nothing happened. You dominated. Unbelievable what you've done for. Go to bed. I'm sure you've been up for a long time. Get some friggin' sleep. The stupid news will be around the corner here in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show.

The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for something. summer, I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked

slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standard heating.com. Providing the

comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This is in your average podcast. This pod is about to be crazy. I don't even know what's going to happen. This is full send. It's just like a boy's scrap. Join the party. We threw like a spontaneous party out of nowhere is crazy and we pulled off a crazy prank pranks parties and viral

culture at its wildest just seeing like the guys that you brought in and like seeing their different personalities and stuff it's been entertaining dude so this could be the greatest content build of all time bro the full send podcast dude let's get ready to rumble follow and listen on your favorite platform let's do it stupid news on the half-assed morning show oh sure we dedicate today's program to the plow drivers. Did a hell of a job. I mean, like I said earlier, I wish I had somewhere's better to go this morning than work. But regardless, you cleared off what was a disastrous scene, and you made our lives easier again.

So we're dedicating today's program to the plow dorks. Here's a text message I got, Josh, from a plow driver. And he says this, 26 hours. 38 minutes straight. And I'm still going. Me and my flat ass. My haemorrhoids are burning. But I ain't given in

because I'm the best. You can't feel those hemorrhoids just snapping at them. I can't imagine how bad that is. You've got that flat trucker butt. A lot of energy drinks being sold, I bet. 26 hours. All right. Speaking of driving, we can start off today's stupid news report.

Talking about driving. You frigging drunk drivers. You're idiots. Sometimes a cop doesn't even need that field sobriety test at all. Sometimes. Some of you jag off drunk drivers. You make it real easy for the police. All they need to do is look at your stupid face or listen to the nonsense that's coming out of your yapper.

like this year, 31-year-old gal from the south. She goes by the name of Nadine or something. She got herself pulled over. They pulled her smooth over last week because she was drifting this way and that. Oh, she barrel-assed right through red light. She did. And when the cops asked her for her driver's license, Okay, here we go.

When the cops asked her for her driver's license, she handed the cop, quote, a bag filled with Q-tips and batteries. I like to store those in the same bag as well. What's going on there? Does anyone have a guess? Yeah, as to number one, why would anyone be carrying a bag

filled with Q-tips and batteries? Do you have any guess on that, what the use might be? How do you clean an adult Toy. Damn. So maybe she's got the batteries, you know, to keep going if she needs it. That's not bad.

That's not a bad guess. I've heard dishwasher. Dishwasher. But maybe there's, you know, like to get in some areas that are tough to reach with the spray function on your dishwash. So wait a minute. Now we're cleaning out our dishwasher with a sex toy? No, I said I've asked, how do you clean a sex toy? I've heard dishwasher is what you do.

Oh, I see where we're going now. Yeah. Yeah, that's a pretty good guess. I can't quite picture washing a dildo with a Q-tip, but you might be right. You might be right. She's got her little dildo cleaning kit in a bag. It includes Q-tips and batteries. Hey, hon, the remote batteries are out in my ears are dirty.

Go get me the Q-tip in the battery bag. That could be it. Yeah, it could be a combo. My second question would be how or why someone would hand over that particular bag when asked to present their driver's license. I can totally understand you accidentally handing the cop your game stop membership card or something like that. But how do you hand that to the police when they ask for your identification?

Yeah, I mean, sometimes like if my, let's say my wife makes dinner and she's bringing stuff to the table, she might kind of hand stuff to the wrong person being a little out of it, but I don't think she'd ever reach for like a toiletry bag. instead of the chicken nuggets or whatever it is. Can you pass the salt and pepper? She passes you the toilet scraper and the plunger. Right, right. Maybe it's the world's worst attempt at a bribe ever.

You know what? They're very practical. You look like a guy who's short on Q-tips and double-A batteries. Maybe if, maybe this will smooth over our little problem. So that's what she did. Can I have your ID the cop says she hands to some bitch a bag filled with Q-tips and batteries? I'm fascinated by the sex toy cleaning kit idea. Along with that disaster,

the police say that this gal's breath smelled like a bag of piss. They said her breath was, quote, overwhelming with the stench of alcohols. And one more little note on this hammered, idiot, drunk driver, moron. Maybe you had to be there for this. So she went to jail when the jailers were filling out this gal's intake form, you know, they jot down all your personal information. The jailers asked stupid if she had any, quote, body markings, and she said, yeah, I got a heart tattoo on my ass. Oh, I bet you do. You trash barrel.

A heart tattoo. I got a heart tattoo on my hands. You mentioned sometimes drunks make it easy on the cops. I was on the phone with a buddy once. He's a trooper. He's working a late shift, and he's like, I got to go. Some guy, he was at a gas station. Some guy in front of me just opened his door and puked.

He's like, I guarantee you I'm going to get a drunk. And that's what it ended up being. Of course. What a terrible time to throw up. Right there in front of a cop. busted himself. A friend of mine got a D-dub sort of in that fashion. He made it to the gas station, but he needed that can of Kodiak, you know, to wrap up his night. Could have just went home. And the gas station was right four or five doors down from his home. He could have gone straight

home, avoided this problem, but he needed that can of chew. I get it. I'm an addict too. And when he got out the car to walk from his car to the gas station front door, a police officer. saw the way he was walking. Like he was on a friggin' boat. And he got pinched. A friend of mine once scared to live in hell out of a bunch of church-going people. This was up in Brainerd.

He spent a wild night in Brainerd, drank his nuts off, had to get going pretty early on Sunday morning to get back to the cities. And he hadn't even made it out of Brainerd proper when his stomach started turning over. Oh, God. He's going to yak. Any port in a stomach.

storm, he just got off the road and found the nearest parking lot possible so he could crack open his driver's side door and vomit. It was a Sunday morning. He pulled into a church parking lot as people were filing in to worship God and he pulls a clock, boy. Dude. That's awesome. Sometimes I can cause a chain reaction too. I mean, especially if you just went for it on the donuts after church, like a lot of times. I wonder what the guy I was talking about. I wonder what was so important where he needed to stop at the gas station and run in because he was parked in a spot he wasn't at a pump probably chewing tobacco i wonder there's nothing like ending a good drunk night with a big fat codyack in your yap or cigarettes or something and then you pass out in

the chair with the codyack in your yap and you wake up and it appears that you vomited blood it's not blood it's chew it's chew juice and it gets on your clothes on the dries your mouth out Although, like, if I get drunk, usually that's when I want the worst food choices. So maybe he was going there to get everything unhealthy. Yeah, I've never been into tobacco, so I was definitely going more munchies than anything. Could be, yeah, or just you needed to rehydrate with something that didn't have tequila in it. Get some gatorade and some dogs off the rollers. That sounds good right now, actually.

Yeah, I'm sober and I want that. This gal had a heart tattoo on her ass. You ever heard of such a thing? No. I don't know if I've ever heard of a butt tattoo, certainly the tramp stamp, but not on the actual butt. I've seen plenty of butt tattoos. You have. What's your favorite?

I was kidding. That's butt tattoos are pretty common, aren't they? I have no idea. Like I said, I've never seen one. You guys watch movies where there's a lot of nudity, so maybe. Majority of my friends have something dumb tattooed on their butts. On their actual butt? Yes, on their butt cheeks.

You know, you've heard, and I don't know if this ever, well, I'm sure it's happened, but the people that have the Ws on each cheek, right? Oh, wow. Or maybe an M? I would never talk to that person ever again. I like the part where Josh said, you guys watch movies with a lot of nudity. That's common, huh? You see more nudity on television than I do, I bet. You watch all those scandalous series?

You watch Landman? I do watch Landman, and I love it. You watch all kinds of naked series. I think you watch more filth than I do. I don't think so. I mean, like, I've watched a couple doctor shows where there's a lot. lot more butts and weaners than I'd be interested in. But don't you watch all the hip series?

Aren't they loaded with nudity? Not that I can think of, at least not the ones we watch. I mean, I'm not... Game of Thrones is wall-to-wall nudity? Game of Thrones was, certainly. I mean, trust me, John. That's one example. But yeah, I don't think I watch...

You don't want to be the filth guy, and I'm not saying it's a negative thing, but I'll tell you this much, I'm not seeing any boobs or naked asses when I watch Sanford and Sun on a Wednesday night. Yeah, I can't think of a show really where I watch it. Landman. Landman, I don't remember. Maybe they went to a strip club once. I don't remember.

I don't remember any boobs and land man. Definitely scantily clad women, but not nudity. Well, maybe today's series aren't as filthy as I have been led to believe that they are. Because I don't watch the hip series. You do. What are the other series you watch? Landman, go ahead. Right now?

Yeah. Well, we're into the pit. Is there any nudity in the pit? Not the kind of you want to see. Yeah, that's where the weaners are. Okay, give me another one. But it's medical weaners, you know? Medical weaners.

Dark winds. Nudity? Not that I remember, no. Didn't you watch that show where the guy, didn't you watch that series where a guy tosses a gal's salad in the bathroom? Or in the kitchen? Yeah, that was a one-off. That was so stupid. What series was that?

The staircase, maybe? That was so out of nowhere. But a gal got her salad tossed right there in the kitchen. I don't remember nudity, though. Yeah, I don't remember her nudity. Well, her ass must have came out of her. Yeah. Well, no, it was like a side view of.

Again, it's more than I see when I watch Sanford and Sulf. on in good times. There's plenty of rim jobs on good times. And those, what's that? There's plenty of rim jobs in good times. That's why they call it good times. Don't you dare ever say anything like that again. Yeah, Night of the Seven Kingdoms, people are saying I watched the first episode.

That was about it. Vikings? You used to watch Vikings? Yeah. Nudity? Yeah, but you're watching pornography where there's, like, that's the whole point of it. I almost never watch pornography. Well, you used to then.

Yeah. Just for enjoyment There's no reason for you to be defensive It's okay that you see I'm not defensive I'm just trying to explain like I can't think of anything I watch with there's a lot of nudity All those news shows on Netflix and whatnot

I don't really watch it I mean Like I said I must have been misled I thought all of those HBO shows And all the new stuff Landman I thought it was all ass Wall the Wall There's attractive women in Landman

Certainly but not a lot of nudity Not as dirty as I thought it was All right He goes, yeah, what did I watch last night? I'm trying to think. It's kind of sad. At least my wife finds it to be sad. I enjoy it, but she busts my balls all the time for sitting and watching different strokes.

This is, like 8 o'clock, you know. This is bad friggin' news right here. This makes me very uncomfortable because I'm familiar with this. guy, and he is beyond unstable. Unhinged. Thermos man has been cut loose from jail. Bad idea. Some of you might be familiar. He was locked up down there in the South. His appearance is frightening. He's got lifeless eyes, legitimately, like a doll's eyes. And what he did, if you don't already recognized the story of the thermos man. What he did is so effed up. Months ago, before he was known as thermos man, he was a guy named Walter. He was arrested after cops got a telephone

call about a naked dude. The cops got the telephone call and someone said there's a naked man wandering around inside a public bathroom. Okay? The first cop arrives at that public bathroom. Walter had all of his greasy dirty clothes back on his body, and he was carrying a lunchbox and holding his meth pipe. And he had that lifeless look in his eyes. So they took him to jail. For one reason or another, probably because he looks totally insane. The cops put Walter through something called a full body scanner, which is made to, it's designed to find hidden drugs or Weapons with that full body scanner, the jailhouse cop saw that Walter had a full-on, four-alarm, full-size thermos up his ass.

And it was holding tight in his intestines. I mean, it was huge. I have no idea. It seems like you'd have to have that surgically implanted, not go in any normal ways. Dude. A full, you know, your grandpa, when you used to go fishing with him, had that full-on thermos. Dude slid that up his can. And they were able to determine the police

that Walter's thermos had been up his dirty bottom for a couple days already. And Walter's walking around the cop shop like it ain't no thing but a chicken wing on a string from by God Burger King. That reminds me of what I watched last night. White men can't jump. That's a fun one. Ben Watson's since I've seen that one. That was a good one. But they edited out the nudity.

And Walter had that creepy effing look on his face. full-on thermos in his bottom. The creepy look on his face never changed. They sent him off to the hospital. Doctors sucked that thermos out his ass. There were no drugs in the thermos. I remember when I first read the story, I thought, well, okay, as unbelievable as that is,

he must be keeping his best drugs in there. And the cops, you know, to avoid detection from the police. But there were no drugs in this thermos. So only God knows why that's where Walter chose to keep his thermos. And the word is he was a couple hours away from dropping dead from that thermos tearing away at his tender, wet insides. So that's how he gained the nickname Thermos Man, and now he's free again. Five months in the stony lonesome and he's out.

How he's got access to anything he wants to stick up there. How do you start? What do you work? Will you start with like a shot glass and then kind of work your way up? Because this thing was gigantic. Yeah, he started the butt plug and then experiment from there. No, no, not this guy. Not this guy.

You think he just went for it? Day one. Oh, absolutely. Get a look at thermos, man. Does he look like the type of guy that would have a logical buildup to thermos keistering? No. That was his first run. I guarantee it.

You can tell by the look on his. He's got those lifeless eyes. I mean, it goes up to his sternum once it makes it in there. According to the x-ray, hmm. I mean, it just falls out when he has to go. No warning whatsoever. Yeah, just...

He better not find a bus up here. Like I said, he's in the south somewhere. He better not find a cheap bus rate to the West Metro. I'll never sleep. Oh, last week we talked for a minute or two about those sexy little mesey. massage parlors that you can find town to town where a guy can get a rub and a tug. I remember how hard I laughed the first time I heard a guy. I was sitting at my neighborhood bar.

Guy walks into the bar and looks around and he says, where can a guy get a good rubbing a tug in this town? Anybody have any answers for him? It was a long time ago. I don't remember if we gave him any addresses. Did you have it, if you had to think back, could you think of a place to do? Yeah, back in that day, I knew a place where a guy could get a rub and a tug. I can't confirm anything, but I've heard a couple of rumors by us.

Don't know if it's true or not. Well, you were telling us last week when we talked about these sexy massage parlors, you were telling us there were a couple joints in your neighborhood growing up that had a cover for what was really going on inside. That was the rumor. The sign out front, the shop made it look like a pet store, but when you walk inside, there are women waiting to give you a dry handy in trade for a few dollars. Well, that particular place was a fish store that the rumor was they were selling drugs.

But there was a gentleman's establishment that was under the guise of a massage parlor, which I heard was exclusively for men. I mean, men were the masseuses, men were the receivers. This is another rumor, yeah. Rumor, you don't know that for sure. No, I was too young. I mean, when I was a preteen teenager, kind of when I lived there, I think somebody texted in. Was it the bamboo hut?

I already forgot. Somebody texted in last week. I knew exactly what I was talking about. I think it was called the bamboo hut. That sounds like a place you get that handy. That was the rumor. But that's how I understand it works a lot of the time. The front of the shop says fish and lures.

And when you walk in, yeah, you see a lot of lures on the wall. But if you have that special code or that special knock or a special keyword, you go in the back. These vote, yes? I was going to say, the line, where's a guy going to get a rub, a tug around here. Just for laughs, I said that to a blackjack dealer when we were in the Wisconsin Dells at the casino. I said, yeah, where's the guy going to get a rubbing a tug in this town?

And he kind of thinks for a second and goes, well, my sister's a waitress in the restaurant over there. Oh. I was like, what that? He was joking, I hope. I don't know. He was very high. He appeared very high.

But that was his response. And he thought about it too for a second. He said he goes, huh. I'm going to guess he was joking. My sister works at the restaurant. over there. When you went to Wisconsin Dells, was the dance club open? I don't remember a dance club, no.

Man, when I went to Wisconsin Dells, had a good time. I've complained before that I saw, wow, just in the water park, miles and miles of genitalia. And not the kind you wanted to see. Not the kind you want to see. But anyway, when I went to Wisconsin Dells, they had a dance club. but unfortunately when we were there it was closed for the weekend probably because of a murder or something i don't know but the club this is about why i wanted to go in there so badly the club was called club wet

and i wanted so badly to dance at club wet but it was closed cubby that does sound kind of cool you kind of get the gist of what's going on there definitely what are we talking about a massage parlor with a happy ending right these folks they should have tried to be a little more sneaky or subtle about their hand jobs. In New Jersey, a, quote, spa, straight up offered happy endings on their website, and they've all been arrested for prostitution. I don't think the folks who run this year spa, I don't think that English is their first language. So my guess is that they thought that the term happy ending was still an underground secret slang term.

that's just my guess. Everybody knows what a happy ending is, in reference to a massage parlor. I'm just going to guess that since these folks were from a faraway land, they thought that was still kind of underground. I'm with you on that. Yeah. Because I don't think anyone's that dumb. I think if they don't want to take any risk, and based on the names here,

I'm going to guess, too, that English isn't their first language. What a bummer that would be when you figure that out. Oh, everybody knows that one. Yeah, right there on the website. It said they offer a big, fat, messy, happy ending. How do you know? Like how do people know which place? Just word a mouth.

Somebody asks once they get a yes. There's a vibe, Josh. There's a vibe in the room. You can't deny it. You can't avoid it. Oh, so in the room, not necessarily just looking at the place. Like in the room you can tell. When you walk in, it's a vibe.

You have a radar for that. All people do. And you'll notice it right away. And it's got a name like VIP massage. It's not like a chain or a corporation necessarily. Now, whenever one of these friggin' stories crosses our path, I'll admit it, I get aggravated. To be involved in something like this is so stupid, in my opinion, that it aggravates me.

I'd like to grab a peckerhead involved in this and shake them and shout at them. I'd say, this is what you do with your life? This? How can you be a grown person, and this is what you do? How is it possible? That's what I'd shout at them. So let's see if you find this as straight up dumb as I do. This here is a story about the ringleader of an ant smuggling ring.

I'm telling you, if I was ever arrested for ant smuggling, I'd be so ashamed and embarrassed by how stupid that sounds that I think I'd lie to my family and tell them that I've been arrested for murdering and then eating elderly people. I'd rather have someone think I was a killer cannibal than for them to know that I'm such an incredible dork that I spend my days smuggling ants. I couldn't live with that. What's weird about that is you'd probably get more questions about the ant thing

because people would understand that less. Like we've seen the movies about serial killers and stuff. Explain this ant thing to me. What's the point here? Right. I mean, it's like, it doesn't seem like it's enough money to risk it all. This dufous ant smuggler was arrested in a place called Kenya. He had 2,000 ants in his luggage.

and he's believed to be in charge of a massive ant smuggling operation. There's something in here about past insect-related scams, insect-smuggling stories. They talk about 5,000 queen ants being worth around $8,000. 400 giant African harvester ants. They'll put a bite on your sensitive little. Pee, I bet. And you'll feel it to the bone, Cubby. Yeah, I'm not interested in that.

A giant African harvester ant. Someone called the Kenya Wildlife Service said the smuggling of ants has become popular with collectors in Europe and Asia. Ant collectors. Weird. You see what I'm saying? How can that be you? And people are spending like black market money on buying their own ants?

I knew a kid that had an ant farm, and I have to be honest, it was. It was kind of cool. You got it for Christmas. We would watch those things like crazy. Yeah. If there's a market for box elder bugs and Asian beetles, we got them. Oh, that's right. We're all over our house.

We can't get rid of them. I don't think you'd have a hard time trying to move those. Like ask them to move out? Or just try and move me and sell. Oh, yeah, you're right. Not a market for it yourself. I don't think you get too many takers on Etsy for those. Pretty common around here.

Yeah, we got people coming at me on the text message with the same joke about ant smuggling. You want to hear it? Is it involve uncle smuggling? It pays better than uncle smuggling. Rapa-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da. I couldn't live with myself. It's too stupid.

I'm sure there's a number that might get you there. No, there isn't. But you wouldn't do it with the high number and then tell everyone you murdered and ate elderly people? Well, wait a minute. So I'm going to... In this scenario, I spin that elder... murder story and it sticks.

And I still get... There's no guarantee. No, no, no. I'm not smuggling ants. I'm not going to take a chance that somebody finds out about that. What if it was a million dollars? Not going to do it. 500,000.

Ooh, now we're talking. I have, you know, what's the word I'm looking for? Scruples. I'll go along with that word. You weren't looking for that word. It's similar to where I was going with that word. I couldn't be that guy. All right, Cubby, you've got to help me if you can.

I never got dialed into the trend that kicked in a few years ago where every generation of people were given a catchy nickname. So help me out. Am I a boomer? No. I'm not a boomer. You are not. You know, I enjoy saying, okay, boomer to young people.

I like to use that wrong on purpose. I find some pleasure in that. They don't want to hear that. They just, you know, they look at you like the dorky are, I guess. The young people don't want to be called a boomer. Yeah, so I'm not dialed into what is what. You got your Republicans, your Democrats. What was it again?

You got your boomers. Millennials, Jess. That was the one. Millennials, they get picked on a lot. You're a millennial, are you not Dana? I sure am. Yeah, I, uh... What were the others, Gen X?

Is that? Gen X? Gen Alpha, Gen Y. Oh, wow. Wait, is there a Gen Y? Probably. More than I thought. Gen Z.

So there must be a Gen Y. There's a company out there, Summers. They fired up something called the call a boomer telephone line, where young people call old timers on the telephone to try and bridge the gap between generations. Is that cute or what? That is kind of cool. Huh? Like we've heard about countries where you can rent a,

grandma. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love that bit. She just, you know, she's a big warm hug. Whatever you need, some advice. Maybe a recipe or two. Happy ending. No, they don't do that. They're very clear about that. I remember hearing about that. I remember hearing it. Was that Japan? Yes, Japan.

If your grandma and grandpa have checked out, and it makes you feel terrible, you can rent some old-timer from down the street, and he'll show up at a birthday party and pretend to be your grandpa. Yeah, I grew up living in the same house as my grandma, and outside of one very well-known experience, it was wonderful.

I loved having the big family like that. One more time? Outside of one well-publicized experience, I loved growing up with my grandma in the same house. There's one moment I wish I could forget. Outside of that, it was awesome. I found it interesting that when the first time you told that you was the word big to describe your family in relation to your grandma on the one incident.

Yes, she was You could use that word. I remember when we talked about the rent-a-grandma and rent-a-grandma routine out in Japan. I remember one listener texted it and said, well, can this pretend grandpa be a total opinionated dick? Because my original grandpa was a totally opinionated dick. Oh, I'd say we had one of those.

My dad's dad died when I was very young, so I didn't get to know him, unfortunately, but my mom's dad was a piece of work. That's for sure. All right. So the Kala Boomer-Teners, telephone line where young people can call old fogies. As of now, the only Boomer Hotline, or Hotlines are set up in Boston, Massachusetts, near the Boston University campus. There's a few of

them out on the sidewalks. It's like an old payphone. The telephone is a bright yellow phone. You can't miss it. And it says, call a boomer on it. It's available for anyone to use and it's free. When someone picks up the boomer telephone line there in, how do you call it, Boston, it automatically calls some old bag of bones living in Nevada. If the boomer doesn't answer because he's in the bathroom struggling to take a piss or something, you can leave a voicemail. All conversations are recorded. So don't be, you know, harassing, filthy, disgusting.

The company who came up with this effing thing, they say younger adults and older adults tend to experience the highest levels of loneliness of any age group. So the goal of this project is to inspire generational connection through meaningful conversations. That's cool. Boston was selected as the prime city for this gimmick because it's crawling with disrespectful college age kids. And they wired the line to call Nevada because so many older folks go there to die. But despite reading this story, I'm not entirely sure who the old timers are in Nevada that are waiting on the other end of the line to answer the boomer phone. They didn't really explain that.

Is it an old folks home? I thought it was just volunteers. Oh. You know, like you kind of sign up for a service. Okay. I dig the idea. More young people should sit down in Jaw Jack with an old timer. Me too.

You can learn a hell of a lot about real life from those crabby old bastards. Yeah, a lot of good stories. A lot of experiences. That's why I'm so well adjusted. I've spent most of my life drinking with the class of 59. I've learned a lot. Boomers. I think that fall into the boomer generation.

Those are boomers. People are saying Gen Y is the same as millennials. Oh, okay. Thank you for the education. I did not know that. I've really learned a lot. I've really learned a lot. What song?

651-989-93-93. You need to give me the song and the band. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show. We got a really good team. You know, we have guys that care. We have a group that wants to win. I felt like today we, you know, rectified the style of game that we wanted to play to start the game.

We didn't get rewarded for it. So to me, it's little tweaks. Yeah, I bet you tweak a little. Sounds like a tweaker. Pigs head coach, Gene Snitsky. What the hell of the pigs doing? Yeah, it's rough. What are you doing over there?

They've lost three in a row. A little bump in the road here, Covey. I guess so. A little bump in the road. They've dropped three hockey games in a row, a couple in a row at home. Against clubs that aren't even in the friggin' playoff picture. They lost yesterday to the, what do you get? I'll get the name here in a minute.

The Toronto Maple Leaf's got the win by a final of 3-2-4-2. Are we going to be blown off by the Wild this week? We're supposed to talk to Marcus Felino. At this point, don't know, don't care. You don't even care. Don't care. I always had the game on Saturday. I actually ran into him because I was in the 93x suite.

Felino or the guy that cancels on us? Felino. And I went to go to try to talk to him, but as soon as I got close to him, his child, one of his, he was with his wife and his kids. of his younger kids had just an all-time meltdown. And I thought, all right, under normal circumstances of Marcus wouldn't want to talk to me, especially wouldn't want to talk to me when his kid is just absolutely

throwing to fit. Is his kid Marcus size and could he or she take you? Oh, probably, yeah. You know me. I'm soft, Josh. You got the size, though. I do. That's the only thing, though.

They're going to go ahead and try to get a win in Chicago tomorrow night. But now they've lost three in a row. Timberwolves were just sloppy and stupid yesterday. at Oklahoma City and they lost. We'll talk about the, what do you got? These little titles and whatnot are escaping me this morning. The World Baseball Classic. We got a little something for you a little bit later.

Team USA is playing in the championship game with a World Baseball Classic. I know we all said we didn't care a few days ago. Maybe you will by tomorrow night. I don't know. I ain't going to be mad at you if you suddenly jump on the bandwagon of the World Baseball. I'm holding that bracket in my hand here, Josh, the NCAA basketball bracket. I suppose we got to fill those out pretty quick. Well, your wives.

Our wives do. We're going to do the Wives bracket challenge, significant other bracket challenge again this year. That'll get going for real. It depends on who you are. You know, tomorrow and Wednesday, they've got the playing games. Some people disregard them all together. You know, so most folks say it starts for real on Thursday. Again, it depends on how you were raised.

And congratulations to your friendly neighborhood garbage man, Jesus. He was the first one to text in and guess the song I was quoting earlier. I really learned a lot. I really learned a lot. Plenty of you's got it right, but your friendly neighborhood garbage man, Jesus was the first. Love hurts, Nazareth. That's a good tune. You like that one?

Yeah. You like that slide guitar, kind of feedback-y solo that they come up with it? Others guessed Tesla, Hank Williams. No, it was Love Hertz by Nazareth. Josh has more news for you coming up next. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealky. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bealkylaw.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-A-L-L-D-O-D-O-K-E. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Joe, you know what's been great about being a saver? More money in the bank. And that money over the past couple of years has made a pretty good yield. Pre-pandemic, money was making zero. Now it's actually making something, but that's starting to go down, down, down.

I love how we can play the fact that inflation's been really high as a positive. But if you're a saver, you know what that means? Soching. Silver lining, Joe, silver lining. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Hey, wait a minute. You two look kind of familiar.

Ain't you them kids that have been whacking off in my toolshed? He claims it was blocking the roadway all of the above. Well, guess what? If it was really blocking the roadway, you should have called us. We'd have come dealt with that scenario. But instead, you decide to go and commit grandkids. theft. A routine drop-off became an unexpected pickup

after a Florida man was caught on camera climbing into an Amazon truck and driving off with a delivery. There he went. Driver. Delivery driver? Still in the back. Brevard County Sheriff Wayne Ivy said the driver stopped along a road to deliver packages. While the driver was

making that delivery, a man named Josephi Baldy pulled up and began yelling at him to move the truck. The driver assured Josephi he would move it in just a jiffy, but Joseph no likey. Apparently, Josephi had places to be. So he climbed into the driver's seat of the Amazon truck and started driving away.

The delivery driver jumped under the side door to attempt to stop the madman. As Josephi took off in the truck, the Amazon employee was nearly jerked off the truck to the ground below. I don't know what the heck he was thinking, Sheriff Ivy said. Clearly wasn't thinking, Ivy added. Josephi later told deputies he was angry because the Amazon driver was blocking the road. He didn't really think his plan through, though. He ended up in far more trouble than he imagined. Josephi was arrested and charged with grand theft and kidnapping.

That's funny. Kidnapping. Oh, you're screwed, Josephie. Just tack on the old kidnapping charge. Oh, man, he just didn't want to drive around. That is frigging good. Police in Tennessee arrested a door-dash driver, wanted out in Nashville, shortly after he made a delivery.

Because while the food drop-off, responsibility was his, the vehicle he was driving was not. Just before 8 a.m. Saturday, March 7th, a license plate reader flagged a Ford Focus reported stolen out of Nashville with a man behind the wheel who came with a few outstanding warrants. Chief Chuck Williams said an officer found the man in a driveway, pulled up behind him and took him down.

The driver, 24-year-old Jason Wise, was delivering food to a home for DoorDash at the time. As dinner was on the doorstep, Wise was in deep duty. Police took him into custody. Located him in a driveway. Turns out he was door dashing in a stolen vehicle. So he pulled in behind him, took him down, and another success in Belmead with the LPRs.

After the arrest, police learned Wise wasn't quite living up to his surname. Wise was wanted for giving himself a five-finger discount at a $1,200 iPhone from a store just weeks earlier. Police say he grabbed an iPhone 17 Pro Max and ran out of the store and then sold the phone that same day to a Kentucky pawn shop. Was he a regular door dasher who just needed a vehicle, or he stole the vehicle in order to live out his dream as a door dasher? I didn't see in the story how long he'd been doing this for a living,

but he's no longer doing that. That's an interesting way to get a gig, I guess. Yeah. He's worried about the overhead, and he figured that out. Just like my friend who stole all the lawnmowers and started a lawn mowing company. Oh, brilliant. A Florida drunk was arrested last week after causing a hit-and-run crash

before causing another hit-and-run crash, and then deciding an elementary school parking lot was the perfect place to lay low. The first crash happened around 7 p.m. Tuesday. Toyota Camry rear-ended a Hyundai sedan and, like some booze-inspired late-night first-time backdoor experimentation, the ramming resulted in significant rear-end damage to the receiver, including some minor injuries.

Instead of sticking around to exchange insurance info, or at least a weak apology, the drunk and the Toyota did what Florida men does best, hammer the gas and disappear into the night. Five minutes later, the same Toyota smashed into a Chevy injuring the driver and two passengers. Since the first escape attempt technically worked for about five minutes, the tipsy Toyota driver tried the same strategy again,

the crash then scram. But this time a witness followed the trail of destruction and spotted the Toyota parked at Garden Grove Elementary School, sporting heavy front-end damage consistent with both crashes and containing 43-year-old Juan Medina still sitting in the running vehicle. As he enacted its brilliant plan of parking the evidence and sitting in it, deputies who spoke with him noticed several signs of impairment, including a brown paper bag with a nearly empty bottle of bourbon. It's safe to say Medina's one bad dude as he's already on felony probation for heroin trafficking. He's one bad dude? He sure is.

In related news, a woman who spent decades navigating rear-end damage at a meaty 9 to 11 inches at a time, porn star Sasha Gray turned 38 this past Saturday. What's she doing? She tried the mainstream acting for a while. I wonder if she's still making any ground in that fashion. That's how I heard of her from watching Entourage back in the day. She dated Vinnie Chase for a while. Yeah, she was, I forget, was she herself in that?

Yeah, she was playing her sudden. Then the jealousy set in because, you know, every guy in town had banged his girlfriend. On camera, from what I understand. And she had a backdoor specialty, right? That was kind of the joke about her? Everything was her special. Yeah, she was multi-talented woman. You had to be there.

A renaissance woman of the carnal? You had to be there. Pegging, you name. Really? Interesting. Authorities are looking for the driver who managed to do something most people instinctively avoid, crash into an ambulance and take off. According to the Minnesota State Patrol, the crash happened around 5.10 p.m. Wednesday near 94 in Olson Memorial Highway in Minneapolis.

Investigators said that ambulance had its lights flashing, sirens blaring when another vehicle slammed into it, then in a chain reaction hit a second vehicle. The driver, believed to have caused that crash, didn't stick around to swap in insurance information. Instead, the vehicle reportedly drove off before authorities arrived. Now investigators, at least as a press time, were working to track down the vehicle and figure out what kind of douche would hit an ambulance and flee. Probably, I'd imagine a drunk, that'd be my guess. You're a drunk.

Or maybe someone that doesn't have insurance? You don't have insurance. I know. Haven't paid it in years. Come get me, State. Oh, wait, I do have insurance. I just named my insurance company. Come get me, suckers. A car left sitting at a railroad crossing Monday night, last Monday night, obviously, was flattened by a passing train after it was abandoned there by a suspected drunk.

In this year, neighborhood? Well, yeah, St. Louis County, the sheriff's office. They said that... Hell of a place to leave your vehicle. Yeah, bad luck, unless they just didn't want it. They were called to a mismatched train versus car, railroad. crossing meeting about 10.10 p.m. that day. By the time the locomotive

arrived, the vehicle was sitting there alone with nobody inside. They didn't find any body parts anywhere? Yeah, fortunately, the person had yeated from that vehicle. Authorities say alcohol is believed to have played a role in that incident. A suspicion strengthened when the 34-year-old driver was found later

and arrested on suspicion of DWI. Where the hell was he? They got him in maybe his house or something? I don't know. Must have knew whose car that one. Hell of a thing to get your ride hung up on the railroad tracks. No doubt. Yeah, I'm curious to know if that was on purpose or just

bad luck. Right. A friend of mine, you know, got his one of his D-dubs was on the railroad tracks. He took too hard of a turn in his mother's station wagon and he thought the railroad tracks was a road. That's kind of technically a road.

For trains. A railroad. It's in the name. It was a snowy night. He had a few what was that hooch that he likes so much? It was kind of sweet. I'll get back to you. Not Southern Comfort. Captain Morgan. Captain Morgan.

He had a few of those in him. Snowy night. He thought that the railroad tracks was a road and got Mom station wagon hung up on that bitch. I forget. Nothing hit that thing, did it? He was able to get the station wagon just off the tracks. I mean, it was a close some bitch. And then, if you remember the story, the next morning, he called me from the jailhouse,

and his first sentence was, well, this is bullshit. And I said, I'm sorry, what? How did you get screwed? You drove your mother's, he thought he got wronged somehow. That's kind of fun, isn't it? Yeah. I've got family like that. No matter what they do at somebody else's fault.

Sometimes creatively so, where I'm impressed. I got to give that to you. That's pretty cool. You're able to make that BS connection. What color is the sky in your world? A man with an unusual taste in things to steal was arrested after making not just attempt number one, but attempt number two at stealing a septic tank from a construction site in Florida, which was a crappy thing to do.

The Marion County Sheriff's Office posted surveillance footage of a man attempting to steal a septic tank. What's you going to do with that? I don't know. For his cabin or something? It's got to be something like that, or maybe he's in construction. He's working on? I have no idea. So he tries to steal it with a Toyota Corolla and a compact car meeting a colossal container

made for a struggle for the guy. Deputy said the man's plan went completely down the drain after he couldn't maneuver the large tank onto a smaller vehicle. He didn't have any bros there to help him out, nothing. He did eventually. Oh. So he continues to push and lift the tank, can't get it to work,

and then a Jeep Cherokee drove past with a cohort inside. He climbed into the driver's seat and sped off, leaving the septic tank behind. I'd be really confused if a friend asked me to help them steal a septic tank. Yeah, I wonder how much they knew. I mean, you might have just said, hey, can you come get me? I mean, you'd have further questions, would you not? Yeah, 100%.

Persistence prevailed, however. He returned the next day. This time he rented a U-Haul. This time, he managed to load that septic tank into a ramp and then into the truck, along with about $2,500 worth of electrical conduit. He covered the license plate and U-Haul identification number on the truck with tape, but a detective was able to identify him and he was arrested. That sounds silly.

It does. Silly and unnecessary. Yeah, I wish they said what he was going to do with it. Maybe he turned around to sell it? I don't know. Maybe he just wanted to poop into it. Yeah, it could be. It would be kind of fun, I guess.

See how long it takes to fill that up. Perhaps the result of eating too many tidepods, some Twin Cities teens aren't starting school days with brackers, and backpacks, but with burglary. Another car break-in spree swept across the Twin Cities last week, leaving dozens of drivers dealing with shattered glass and repair bills. Minneapolis Police responded to nine separate locations between 7 and 10 a.m. Thursday, whereby sunrise, about 38 cars were damaged in the city. Broken glass littered the parking lot outside a grocery store in the Cedar Riverside neighborhood, where it appears at least eight cars were broken into. In St. Louis Park,

at least five cars were hit in a gym parking lot. An SUV may be linked to multiple incidents in Minneapolis. Investigators are asking anyone with security camera footage to share it. There were two other recent sprees of car break-ins in Minneapolis. On the morning of February 23rd, 15 cars damaged. Then March 2nd, 20 more cars became targets for the teens. In both cases, the suspects were described as juveniles. Starting early. A Florida man was arrested after turning a a sports, or a woman, I should say, turning a sports drink into a surprise splash attack.

Sports drink. Last Tuesday, a 40-year-old mom marched into Northland Middle School in Miami Gardens and launched the contents of a Gatorade bottle straight into the face of assistant principal Tiffany Hayes. But that wasn't Gatorade in there? It was Gatorade. At least they didn't say it wasn't. Okay.

Hayes had been standing at her post during school dismissal about 4 p.m. when she spotted the mom storming up to the school entrance. Hayes asked, how can I help you? Parents are not allowed in the building after 3.20 p.m. But instead of slowing down, the mom delivered what could only be described as a gatorade grenade right to Hayes' face. The employee threw her hands up and told the mom to stop twice, but she was belligerent and entered campus anyway. Realizing she'd exhausted her arsenal of hydration,

Hayes tried to stop the gator-raging woman a second time, hoping the second request might succeed where the first did not. A responding officer attempted to verbally de-escalate the situation. However, she became increasingly irate and refused to show her driver's license. While being escorted to the patrol car, she became physically resistant at that time. What the hell's the problem? After being taken to jail, she was brought before a judge who had some stern words for the mom. I'm not ordering you to stay away from New Orleans Middle School.

I'm asking you to act like an adult and listen when people tell you you can't go into the school. have to show one identification. You know, you create a very difficult situation after your child. I said, with a school there after the mother got arrested you. Yeah, I'd imagine the kid's probably getting a little crap. Oh, for sure. Your mom sucks. Well, what was mom doing? They didn't say why

she was so upset, but she really wanted to get in there. Okay. No further information explained why the mom reacted that way. Wolfgang Van Halen 35 today, talented young man. He's growing up right before your eyes. Sure is. Kid can do anything.

Blake Griffin is 37 Alexandra Didario 40 My goodness You ever see that Bad Texas chainsaw movie she was in? Is that the one that I turned off Because of the assault of a corpse? I don't remember

I don't think I saw that one Assault of a Corpher. I don't know. Arley Ermi? Oh no, no, no. She's not in the one with Arleigh Irmy. This one barely, I don't even know if it made it to theaters. That's the first place I ever saw Alexander Badario, whatever her name.

It's a Texas chainsaw movie. Yeah, she's good looking. Unbelievable. You got to see that movie. It's terrible. But she's unbelievable in it. Flavor, Flav. Yeah, boy. 67 today. White tank top, the whole movie, Josh. White tank top. Did it rain at all? Oh, she's soaking wet. Yeah. Oh, unfortunately, we filmed the movie in a monsoon the whole week. A middrift-bearing white tank top. Oh, man. The whole movie, soaking wet, running for her life from the Texas chain song. I need to go take a cold shower.

Frank Poncherello on Chips, Eric Estrada, 77 today. Shout out to Chase on his last day plowing in North St. Paul, but according to Public Works Plow Guy Jesus, at least, Chase will, quote, always be a cake eater. Thank you to all the plow folks who stayed up for us and made it easy to get around today. We've dedicated today's shows to you. It's a dedication.

It sure is because it was as if nothing happened over the weekend. The roads were perfect. So thank you for that. And happy birthday to Luella, turning the Big O4 today from Dad Blaine is Better Jesus. And that's 93X News. 93X is Brad Ryder. On the half-assed morning show. Rock to 41 and 27 and they lose the tiebreaker with Denver.

Plus, they're only a game ahead of Phoenix for the six spot. And right now they lose the team. tiebreaker with the sun, so the wolves in danger. It's all on you, Brad Ryder. It is, huh? Hello, Brad. Yes, Randy Schaber has diarrhea. He's not coming on the air today. Oh, boy.

Ashley has double diarrhea. She hasn't shown up yet. That's brutal. How's your diarrhea situation? My situation in that area is perfectly fine. whatsoever for Bradwick. No. Keep his posted.

Yeah. You'll be the first to know. Viruses whip in and out of this building and take folks out periodically. Today it has claimed both Smashley and Randy Shaver. So here's that spotlight you crave so badly, Brad Rider. Actually, I don't, but I'll take it for a little while. If he has to.

Our fate is in your tiny little hands. We appreciate you joining us, Brad. We do. Yes. The Timberwolves were sloppy and stupid with the basketball yesterday in Oklahoma. They were beaten. And then Ant has the audacity after the game to call their defense, AAU defense. I'm sorry, I missed this.

He called Oklahoma City's? Yeah. He called Oklahoma City's defense, AAU defense. Well, if it's AAU defense, how can we turn the ball over so many times then? Why didn't you score 155, 60 points then if it's... Yeah. Ant gets a little squirly now and again, doesn't he? I'd be A1 from day one.

He hasn't really matured like I think we would all hope that he would. And I'm not just saying about what he says after games on the court, too. Yeah, you see it. You see it. If you follow the Timberwolves, you know that Ant is, when he's on, my God, my damn. when he's off, he leaves a little bit to be desired from a fan's perspective. They lost by 13 points to the disgusting Oklahoma City Thunder, no matter what level of defense they play.

Stupid and sloppy, especially in the third quarter. Yeah, really the whole second half, the first half wasn't that great either. They overcame some stuff in the first half to have that halftime lead. But the second half, Oklahoma City just has so many. people coming off of their bench who do things other than score. I mean, they had a couple of guys come off the bench yesterday and score a lot of points, obviously, but, you know, a guy like Alex Crusoe, for example.

I mean, he goes off the bench. And, yeah, he contributes, but he's just a pest on defense. He's all over the place. He's hustling. And there's just not enough guys not only coming off our bench, but in our starting lineup that do those little things like that. And it's pretty obvious as games wear off. and you get into the second half of games when you're playing really good teams like that,

that this team, the Timmerwolves just night in and night out, don't have guys like that. They don't have that depth coming off the bench to do that. Too many turnovers, just not nearly as sharp as they needed to be. The wolves play the Phoenix Suns at home tomorrow night on St. Patrick's Day, Josh. That is a huge game. I mean, they talked about it in the open a little bit. I mean, the wolves are only, I think, a game and a half ahead of Phoenix for the sixth spot. If they fall below Phoenix, they're in that playing tournament.

That's exciting the play-in tournament. Yeah, we won that. We hung a banner for that a few years ago. I don't want to be in the play-in tournament. When I say we, I mean the Timberwolves, but there's some excitement there. I kind of like that cute little play-in thing. I didn't think I'd like it, but I've become a fan. Wolves don't want to be there.

That's obvious. play at home against the Phoenix Sunsda. Brad Ryder sent out a text yesterday when the game started between the Temple and the Oklahoma City Thunder. And you said something about even on a day where it's snowy and nothing to do, it's still difficult to watch the first quarter of an NBA basketball game. And I agree with you. It is so lazy out there in the first quarter.

Right. Yeah. I made a comment that you didn't enjoy. I said, I give more of an effort. I take a sh, than NBA players give in the first quarter of your average regular season game. And I happened to be eating a bowl of chili when I read that. Oh, hell, yeah. Perfect timing.

I'll make you a bowl of chili. Yeah, I'm sure you did. I'm surprised your stomach's holding up. I knew the game was on, but I didn't turn it on until about the start midway through the second quarter. And probably the only reason I turned it on that early is because I was snowed in. It can be tough to watch. I hold in my hand, Brad Ryder, as I'm sure I'm not alone. I printed off my bracket, the bracket, for this year's NCAA men's basketball tournament.

You're going to want to pull your wife off that bar stool, Brad, because again, we're going to go ahead with our significant other bracket challenge this year, where we're going to get our significant others to fill out an NCAA bracket. we'll put a little money. I don't know what we did last year. I don't know what the winner won or what the loser lost. I don't think there was a prize last. Is that okay if we do it again? I don't know if we brought this up to you. We're going to get our sick.

Yeah, absolutely. I think Dan didn't Dana's wife lose last year? She did. She was like the first out or was that Randy's wife? I think she had one of her final four teams lost in the opening game, if I remember correctly. That takes a little bit of the wind out of your sails right off

the jump. I remember Randy Shavers wife fell in love with St. John's University with her bracket last year year and that did not treat her very kindly but we'll do it again. So she's got the bison going to the final four this year. North Dakota State? Yeah.

You know, Randy's so competitive, I kind of worry about their marriage if Roseanne doesn't do well here. He is very competitive. He's kind of sickly in that way. It's disturbing how competitive that man is. So yeah, I can imagine he didn't treat her very nicely last spring

The number one seeds in this year's tournament are Duke, Arizona, Michigan, and Fler. There'll be play-in games. Is that how they say it? What is the proper term? Playing games, yeah. Play-in games. Yeah. They call it the first four.

There you go. That's what I was looking for. Starting tomorrow. And then, you know, for Real Ski's Thursday, the tournament kicks off. It's still fun. It's still fun to do it. dive into this smear, and we'll see how our wives and husbands do this time around. It feels like, I mean, I probably haven't watched as much college basketball this year as I normally have.

The times that I have watched, it feels to me like the top seeds. I don't just mean the one seeds, but let me like the top two or three seeds in every region, feels this year like they're a little bit on a different level than everybody else to me. I hear you. The only college basketball that I've watched all year is Golden Gopher. I wouldn't know Dick Tracy about anybody who has not played the Golden Gophers this year. But, I mean, I see what you mean. You got Duke and Michigan, Arizona, Iowa State. I'm talking about the top two in each region here. Florida, Houston. Yeah, the top two or three to me in each region, it feels like there's not going to be a lot of upsets with those games now.

I mean, obviously, it could be wrong, but it just doesn't feel like those teams are going to stumble until they at least win a couple of games first. Now remember these play-in games, which start tomorrow night. I don't exactly know which game it's going to be, but people have been talking about this for months. One of the play-in games will feature Dick Vital and Charles Barkley broadcasting together. Hmm. Maybe it's more than one game.

I don't know who has this, if anyone can find some specifics. It doesn't matter. We can get to it tomorrow or whenever it. happens, but that has been something that basketball fans been looking forward to all winter long. Dick Vital and Charles Barkley calling a game together, which I don't believe they've ever done before. I've got the games in front of me, but I don't know which game they're doing. We'll finger it out by tomorrow or the next day.

Oh, this is funny. Our friend, local legend, referee Rob Page, local legend wrestling referee Rob Page has volunteered to fill out Janelle's bracket for her. If we're doing a significant others bracket, he says, He thinks it's only right if he fills out Janelle Klein's bracket for her. Well, then that's only fair that she develops a relationship with it. Otherwise, it's outside of the lines of our rules around here. I'll try to find that.

If she submitted one and then just said, hey, my significant other didn't left us guessing as to who that would be. He's maybe, he might be the only listener that I would send out on a date with Janelle Klein. I think I would trust him. A gentleman. I do trust Rob Page to date. And cohabitate with Janelle. I know, Dana, you and he are pretty good pals, right?

You trust him? Well, I trust him, but we just got to make sure he's up for this, too. You know, we don't want to be putting him in an awkward situation where he's forced to date somebody that he's not interested in. Oh, it sounds like he might be interested. Hey, screech, say something stupid. That's what we used to holler at referee Rob Page at the local wrestling shows 20 years ago. I'm going to really try hard to find this Dickie V.

Charles Barkley broadcast. I mean, I bet those guys will have a lot of fun to get. So they called a Kentucky Indiana game in December on ESPN, and all I see so far is that they're slated to do one of the first four games on True TV. Can't figure which one.

They did call a game already. They did, yeah. He's only a freshman. He's only a freshman. Vanderbilt made the tournament. the Commodores? Yeah. Legitimately. Yep.

I know when I talk about the Washington football team, I drive some people crazy by insisting on calling them the Commodores as opposed to the commanders. But Vanderbilt University, they're legitimately the Commodores, and they've had a great year. And one of their star players, Josh, how far can we go with this? One of their star players' name is Chandler Bing. Yeah, that's a pretty popular name right there. I know folks are loving that one. Do you know the reference, Brad Ryder?

Yeah, the friend's character. Yeah. I found the game they're calling. Oh, go ahead. Oh, yeah, Charles Barkling, Dick Vitel are calling the Miami, Ohio, an SMU game. Okay, that would be the Mustangs against the, Don't Tell Me, Miami of Ohio. Dang. I kind of like...

I was just looking at the bracket to see if that guy from... Indiana State was back in the tournament. Yes, he is. He's so overrated. Oh, he is? Well, yeah, I saw him on television last night. It was Indiana State play. No, but I think he plays for a different school now. Oh, does he?

Yeah. Cream Abdul-Jubbar. I'm fairly sure of this. I'm fairly sure of this. When I was watching Selection Sunday yesterday, I swear to God, they showed Cream Abdul-Jabbar, otherwise known as Larry Nerd. last year he was a big deal playing for the Indiana State Sycamores.

I might be wrong, but I swear to God, I saw him with his team celebrating their selection, but it wasn't Indiana State. Dana, sorry, can you maybe try to look that up? You know the guy we're talking about. Yeah, the white kid with the thick dumper. Robbie Avila. Yeah. Did you get a big ass?

I thought he had a big ass, didn't he? Am I thinking somebody different? Well, he wasn't like the thinnest guy. Everyone focuses on his mug. I guess I didn't look at his cap. But yeah, you could be right. He could have a... St. Louis University.

Now I'm trying to find who St. Louis University. They're in there, yeah. Who are they? The Billicans. Yep. St. Louis. Okay, so he is in the tournament. Larry Nerd, this time playing for St. Louis.

I can't find him either. Georgia. They played Georgia. They played Georgia. Yeah. Hey, before we move on, too far away from basketball, this is great. Oh, this is so cool.

I'm going to tomorrow night's Timberwolves game against the damned Phoenix Suns we mentioned. One of our listeners, Poo-Po's and Pee-P's Jesus is going to be the featured local veteran honored during the ball game on the court

tomorrow night. Oh, wow. That's really cool. Yeah. I love that. They'll bring a guy out. Very cool. I didn't know he was a veteran. I'll be at the game tomorrow, Poo-Poo's Jesus, and congratulations for being, you know, singled out for this. I will give you $100 if somehow you convinced the PA guy

to call you pooh-poo's and Pee-P's Jesus. I'll be listening, dude. I'll be watching. It's usually in the first quarter, maybe they bring a veteran out to center court. Everyone gives them the round of applause that they deserve.

I'm so proud of you. That's really, really cool. But if you can talk those some bitches into making some reference to this radio show, specifically your goofy Jesus name, I will owe you $100. When I was at the wild game on Saturday, the let's play hockey guy was none other than St. Cloud State hockey legend Marty Miele.

Are you serious? Yeah. What? Yeah. I wonder why he didn't, that's my insurance agent. Mine too. He's all of our insurance agent. Thanks to Jordan Porese.

Uh-huh. Oh, give me a break. They had Miele up there? They did. For what? St. Cloud State Hockey legend. He didn't do Dick Tracy at St. Cloud State. He won a WCHA title.

Oh, he didn't win a damn thing. Did their scheduled person not show? And it was this 47 and they were trying to figure out who to do it. Oh, somebody wanted an insurance discount. That's what it is. Did they mention what he does for a little bit? I don't think so, no. I wasn't really paying attention.

And then all of a sudden I heard the name. And then all of a sudden I perked up and started paying attention then once I heard that St. Cloud State Hockey legend Marty Mielei was up there. Josh, can you text him real quick, see if he's awake? Yeah. Let's get him on the telephone and ask him how the hell he scammed his way. There's a make-a-wish thing. I wish I had a better insurance agent if I could make just one wish.

Maybe it's a corporate sponsor of the team. Maybe he paid for it. Oh, you can do that? I don't know. I suppose it makes sense. We got to find out. If folks are in the dark, this is, yeah, he played hockey at St. Cloud State. He's tight friends with our old friend.

Now I can't think of his name. Jordan Perisi. We've joked on and off on the air about Marty Miele for years through Jordan Perrizi. Jordan would always give Marty a little cheap plug on the air for his insurance company. And he got very good at that, by the way. Sometimes at first we could see it coming when he was going to set it up, and then eventually he'd get into these long, drown-out stories, which ended up being some sort of commercial for Marty Miele.

The engagement ring was the best one. Dude, he was the let's play hockey guy. He was. I'm not letting this go until we get a friggin' explanation. By the way, pooh-poo's and pee-Ps Jesus, who will be recognized tomorrow and at the Timberwolves game as a veteran, local veteran. He said, I think he's telling me here they're going to recognize him

during the national anthem. I'll be paying attention. And maybe you'll get on television. Yeah, what an honor. Congrats. The University of Minnesota women's basketball team are about ready to up and play in the NCAA tournament. they'll open against the University of Wisconsin Green Bay Friday at Willam Arena.

They get to play a couple of home games. Hopefully they win, you know, enough to play. Tip-offs haven't been announced tip-off times. But okay, so the U of M gals are going to play at home. So there you go. If they win, they most likely play, I think it was Mississippi in the next game, University of Mississippi. M. I. Crooked letter, crooked letter, I.

Crooked letter, crooked letter, I. Finish it off, Cubby. Well, my grandma would say humpback, humpback. But it was wavy letter is how she'd say it. Oh, that was silly. Wavy letter, wavy letter. The one with the jugs? No, other one.

She had like, she was normal up top. By the way, I drive too fast. She just said Marty Miele is his daughter's hockey coach. They just won D6, the championship. D6? And Marty Miali is listening, and Dana's trying to get him on the phone right now. All right. By the way, back to Cream Abdul-Jabbar, otherwise known as Larry Nerd.

Avila is the real last name, plays for St. Louis. He'll be in the tournament. Steph Blurry was the other. That's where I was going with this is let's not forget about the other nickname. That's very funny. Steph blurry because of his eyesight. Randy and I agreed, I don't remember what you thought, Brad, but, you know, the University of Minnesota played Steph Blurray.

last year in the, what was it, the NIT? What the hell were they doing? Two years ago? Do you recall what I'm talking about, Brad Ryder? I do. I don't know how many years ago it was, though. We thought the guy was wildly overrated. Wildly overrated.

I don't think he had a good game when we played. No. Did I just get the high sign? Did I just get the high sign or was I seeing things? No, I'm trying to get his number. I don't have a cell phone number. Yeah, I didn't know he didn't have the number. Here you go.

We were talking about. The goal for women's game starts at 5 o'clock on Friday, by the way. I just look that up. It starts at 5 o'clock. That's a good start time. If people are interested in tickets, they can get them starting. I think it says here today. Okay.

We were talking earlier about the man bear pigs hitting a little bump in the road. I guess they've dropped three hockey games in a row. I don't know if they've done that all season up until now. They've lost all three games to East Coast clubs. Clubs that aren't really in the playoff scene at all. yesterday the Toronto Maple Leafs got the win in St. Paul

by a final final of 3-2-4-2 or they went down 3-0 after a bad second period put a couple on the board in the third to make the Leafs a little nervous but eventually Toronto scored a bitch empty net goal remember that sports writer a month ago Josh who said that the Western Conference is SAWFT soft and now the pigs have gone ahead and lost

three in a row to Eastern Conference clubs. Anthony Stolars made 36 saves for the Maple Leaf. You know, their team captain, Austin Matthews, is out for the rest of the season with a knee injury. I got some more Austin Matthews stuff here for you in a minute. Next up, the fellas are going to go ahead and play at Chicago tomorrow night. So I think we have Marty Miele on the telephone, who played a little bit of hockey.

St. Claude State Legend. This is a fascinating. Marty, are you there? I am. I feel like I'm paying you to say that. We got to get to the bottom of this, so you played a little bit of hockey at a lesser Minnesota school years ago. You sell insurance.

How the hell did you get up in front of the crowd Saturday? Who asked you to do the let's play hockey thing, Marty? How did this work out? Well, I don't know if I'm going to invite it back. You know, the wild did lose that game. So as being a hype person, I think that does go against your record. And I'm 0 and won right now. The players are like, oh, that's the best they could do.

We're screwed. It could be. It was one of those things. I've never been like lost, like for words and nervous before like hockey stuff. But right before they put the bright lights on you, like I did get nervous. And my voice might have might have cracked. I think my daughter gave me a hug before we did it. And super cool, cool moment.

They did it with me. you know, they were all geeked out about it. I mean, so was I. It's always like, I've been going to the games for 25 years, and, you know, you see that. Did you get a good crowd pop? Yeah, it was a 5 o'clock game, and, I mean, part of me, obviously I was like in dad mode, so I had, you know, the kiddos with me. And then when my wife and I were walking out of the game, you saw, like, the big tent, like

at McGovern, there's music blaring, and it's like the St. Patrick's Day crew was walking the cassettes, and you're like, huh, this used to be. us of years ago. And that one guy could might have been more fun that those guys were having. Well,

at least he didn't Adrian Peterson it. He had the worst gong show of all time. They say, all right, it's yours.

You know, here to say, let's play hockey. He's Adrian Peterson, big crowd pop. He goes, it's time to play hockey.

That's what he had. Yeah, that's all. Remember when Tim Pelleni said drop the F by accident? Wasn't that him?

I think so, yeah. You know, he used to show up at our, he'd come to the Sweet, 93X Sweet, and he was always very cool to us. Marty knows how to drop the F.

Oh, I know he does. Well, you know, actually, you'd be really proud of me. The person that called up about the District 6th Championship, that's phenomenal. That's my girls' team. So actually, my language just here has to be very, very quiet on that. So, yeah, I can kind of change gears with that. It was super cool. Our girls won and a dramatic fashion come from behind victory over Chaskatchewan.

and one of the coolest core memories that I have with my daughter. That's awesome, man. Hey, man, we're just busting your balls. We're happy you got up there. You're a popular guy in this town. Ever since we brought your name up, we're getting text messages about people who know you. People who switched after hearing Jordan talk about you.

I'm officially a hockey nerd now. By doing that call, I think I have crossed the line. That ought to do it. Yeah, this is it. That was the icing on the hockey cake. I think so. It's like that you like that chalk line that can feel the dreams of the guy stops with his tibetos and then he looks and analyzes it. And when you know, once he crosses that line, it's over. There's no turn back. That's what it was yesterday. How much insurance did Jordan Perisi sell you? Have you ever done the, or how much insurance money did Jordan make for you back in the day?

Have you ever sat down and done the arithmetic? You know, guys, I love it. I love being a part of the, the brotherhood. I'm tickled. I'm on the radio right now. but guys, if this is 94.5, I'd be retired right now. The people that love this show. They call up, and unfortunately, I can't write most of them. Letla do call. They're kind of bad boys on the road. And, you know, I appreciate some of the stories that you hear,

but there's only so much you can do. Hey, Marty, my dad used to say you can't polish a turd. Yeah, well, that's true. Tell you what, man. We're proud of you. It's nice to talk to you again. You know, our boy, Jordan Perisi, you've got two kids now. You know what?

It's juggling is what it is. There's times when I meet people and, you know, you start just exchanging pleasantries. And my thoughts, all I do is pick up and drop off. And so I'm like, oh, how long you've been an Uber driver for? It's like, oh, man, you don't get it. That's all I feel like doing. But at the same time, it's like my wife is the crazy one as well. It signs them up for everything possible.

And I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise when you're just going to every witch rink and softball field and whatever you got. It's over, isn't it, Marty? It is. But then you get that one day in the sun when you get to go up there and go, okay, St. Paul, it's time to drop the puck. Wild, let's be dynamite tonight. Say it with me, let's play hockey. Nailed it. I want to go out there and win, boys.

Run through a brick wall for you, Marty. I just like memorized what they did. They threw a little script in front of me, and for the life of me, I feel like Anchorman. I could not memorize this one line. So I just had the gal just hold it up on the camera. I think that's when my voice cracked, and I forgot what I was doing. Did they actually ask you to say, let's be dynamite tonight?

What the hell is that? I just figured it's a way to just kind of pump up everybody. You know, it's kind of very neutral. You know, Nick, I can't just go and grab the microphone and go, everyone, Marty Miele, State Farm, Agency Minnetonata. Free quotes! The moment I start doing that, they're going to grab the microphone from me, and I will never be allowed to go back in the Excel Center ever again.

Probably as a fan or coaching. Right. How did they introduce you? So I don't know. I do the Mr. Hockey Award. I'm a part of Minnesota All Sports Alliance. And they were supposed to be actually another guy that had supposed to be up there with me, but his grandson was playing in the basketball tournament.

So he's playing for Elk River, and they kept advancing. dancing and he's like, I'm not going to do it. So I was like, all right, I'll go to the bullpen. And I had my daughter, Melania, and sons, Rocco, and Louis do it with me. So they introduced you as, how? Mr. Hockey extraordinaire, insurance agent extraordinaire, drop off. Dad, Zamboni technician for the outdoor rink. I mean, I guys, I wear lots of hats.

You do. Hey, man, nice talking to you. Marty, and that must have been fun Saturday. Say hi to the family, and we hope to run into you again soon. I think it was more, more fun. My orange juice spilling when I was hearing you guys talk about this in the radio this morning. You made my day. It was shocking news.

Is there anything at all you want to plug before we let you go? Oh, God. Marty Miele, stay for our main seat for our main seat in a talk at 952-5-4-6-1-11. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye, Marty. Marty, me, Ellie. What a character.

That's funny. People are even texting in. We got folks in our listening audience who went to school with the sum bitch. Yeah, he's a good guy. Funny dude. Didn't you go to Shattacks? I don't remember. We finally did figure out toward the end why he got the gig, though.

Got what gig? Because, well, how he got to do that. Oh, the Let's Play Hockey gig? Yeah. Did he tell us or not? Yeah, he did. Well, I think he kind of did toward the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if he went to Shattuck. Well, because you were talking about, like, what Dana was talking about is hockey prowess. Yeah. You know, they pump out some pretty good hockey players there, so. Were you guys teammates at one point or another down there?

No, no, no, no. Not you? I was too good for the team. Yeah, you're right. Did you go to Shattack? I'll tell you what. It's from Fair Bowl. I wonder if you know and Janelle Klein know each other.

Probably know the family. Faraba, isn't that where Shattuck is? I couldn't tell about that. Yeah, yeah. Yes, yep, it is. Back to this Austin Matthews thing real quick. I mentioned his name when we were talking about the pigs. I guess the pigs want Austin Matthews pretty badly.

Bill Garron went on somebody's podcast and went on and on about what a fan he is of Austin Matthews. It was a solid beach, from what I understand. So now folks are assuming that Garin's going to try and hire the kid next time he has a chance. Some hockey fans are straight up calling what Garin did. They're calling it tampering. Matthews is apparently tight bros with that weird Quinn Hughes character. So it says here it's a long shot that the pigs could afford to pay both Austin Matthews and weird Quinn Hughes. But the rumors are flying around now that, oh God, in the offseason, maybe the pigs will try to, you know, that whole thing.

Jared Spurgeon played in his 1,000th regular season game Saturday night against a New York Rangers. he and Miko Kovu are the only players to wear a wild sweater for the first 1,000 games of their NHL careers. He's the 12th player to play in his 1,000th game in a pig's sweater. And I love reading some of the names or the boys who have played that 1,000th game. As a man bear pig, Marcus Johansson, Mark Andre Fleury, Alex Goligowski, our guy Zach is Zach. We mentioned Miko Koevoo, the unbelievable

All-timer Ryan Souter, Eric Stahl, Matt Cook, Matt Cullen, Andrew Brunette, Keith Carney. A lot of folks don't remember Keith Carney. I can't say I do. No. A little bit of breaking NBA news. The NBA will hold a vote at the Board of Governors' meetings, March 24th and 25th to explore adding expansion teams exclusively in Las Vegas and Seattle.

Well, give me a telephone call when they make a decision on that. Las Vegas and Seattle, those have been the rumors for a while. Yeah, and if they're going to hold a vote, that's pretty much a done deal because most of those owners, what they see when they take that vote, is the expansion fee that they will get from that. Yeah, those owners like making more money, don't they? Yes, they do. The expansion fee, he says.

And then that would send the wolves likely to the Eastern Conference. Right. something called the TPC Sawgrass Golf Tournament in terrible, terrible Florida. That cut loose over the weekend. They had to delay opening the gates for the tournament on Friday. I believe this was Friday. They couldn't let anybody onto the property of this golf tournament for a little while because there was a killer on the loose.

For realsies. Yeah. I knew there had to be some type of weird twist here. bringing up golf. Oh, yeah. I mean. Yeah, it was actually Saturday. Just to correct your work,

it was Saturday. And they had to delay, I think it was by a couple of, they actually delayed the start of the third round by a couple of hours, too. An alleged murderer fled the scene of a crime and ran onto the golf course, a bloodthirsty killer. Two people had been shot dead in town in the neighborhood of this TPC saw grass, whatever the hell they call it. Two people have been shot dead. It appeared to be a domestic situation. The suspect shot those poor folks just a few miles away from the golf course. He ran

away from the scene and was running around the course. The cops put the dogs on him. He was seen milling around the golf course. I think he was pretending to be a member of the security team in order to hide out for a while. And then he stole a car. Police chased the dude. He crashed the car in the woods. They beat his ass and they took him away. How about that? An escaped killer on the loose.

I thought you were actually going to talk about the tournament next. No. Why would I? You guys ever been in a killer on the loose situation? No, thankfully. No. I was in like a neighborhood lockdown for somebody. There's an armed standoff.

That's as close as I can say to that, but nobody killed anybody, thankfully. A killer on the loose at the golf tournament. All right. I wish Randy Shaver was here to join us in this conversation. I never thought I'd hear you say that, to be honest. Only because I know he'd enjoy this subject matter. For the benefit of the show. Okay.

That makes it difference. Yeah, because I don't normally enjoy his company very much at all. But for the benefit of the show, I know he would enjoy this conversation, but he's missing out. He's got diarrhea. He couldn't come to work. Bro Bible. I'm not sure why this subject came up. Maybe something obvious has happened that hasn't dawned on me yet,

but Pro Bible wanted to wrap about athletes who made one mistake that overshadowed their entire career. Hmm. And they go on to say, you know, every single athlete is going to screw up now and then. They can only hope to bounce back and put it behind them. there are a number of athletes who were unable to get redemption due to a bad play or regrettable F-Up that ended up defining their entire career. Does anyone come to mind for you, Brad Rider, Dana, Josh?

Well, Bill Buckner. Yeah. Don't even get me started on Bill Buck. Chris Weber. Hmm. Okay. A couple good answers there. If I get started on Bill Buckner, I'll completely lose my cool.

How terribly wronged he was. But yes, Bill Buckner's era. in the 1980s World Series. 22 seasons in the big leagues. It's a great hitter. Great defender. But yeah, that's all most

folks think of when Bill Buckner's name comes up. God rest his soul. Scott Norwood on that list? No. I even remember this, and it's soccer. Does anyone, do that ring a bell for anybody? Oh, Zinidon, the headbutt? Zidon, Zidon, is correct.

The World Cup final. Final Final Final, 2006. This guy was supposedly a great player. He played for the French soccer club. They were playing somebody in the World Cup Final Final. He headbutted a player on the opposite club, got kicked out of the game. His team lost. So despite his alleged, I know nothing, great soccer career, he's just the headbutt guy.

That's what you think of. I guess later came out that he called, I can't remember of his mother or his sister, but the Italian player called his mother or sister the real, real bad one. Okay, one more time? Well, the one that they say freely in England, but if you say it here, it's pretty bad. There was a great French player from that same soccer club? No, he was French. Zinidaden's friend.

He was playing for France. He was playing Italy. One of the Italian players called his mother or sister the seabird. Oh, that's why he dumped the headbut. Oh, I thought we were talking about a separate player. That's why he dumped the headbut because the C word was used in a conversation. Didn't know that. Brad, also French.

They talk about a golfer here named Van de Veld. Oh, yeah. I was trying to think of his name. He had like a three or four shot lead going into the final hole of the British Open one year. I don't remember what year you probably had. 1999 British Open. Yep. And he took like a seven or an eight on that last hole,

hit a couple balls into the water, hit one into the water, and tried to actually chip out of the water and didn't get out. It was a whole deal. Yeah. He is put into this conversation of athletes who made one mistake that overshadowed their entire career. Apparently, this guy was very good at golf. He's playing in the British Open. He has a solid lead.

But then it went like water, and then he banked a shot off a building, and it just totaled disaster. Here's Chris Weber. The timeout that wasn't there, 1993 NCAA and men's college basketball championship game. Oh, I loved that moment so much. I wish I would have been old enough to appreciate that. Oh, I loved it so much because I hated the Fab Five.

I hated them. I mean, they were a U of M rival, and I just hated those guys. I thought they were such douchebag, cocky pricks. As I grew up, I realized they weren't anywhere near as bad as I imagined them to be. I was just young and hated. hated the University of Michigan. You know the whole thing. I now really enjoy watching footage of the Fab Five.

I've watched that documentary on their story more than once. Jalen Rose is one of my favorite people to ever watch on television when it comes to sports. Chris Weber seems like a nice guy, too. But when he traveled, if you remember that sequence, he brutally traveled and the referees didn't call it. I went nuclear watching the game. the title game that year with Michigan and North Carolina. And then when he called the timeout that wasn't there, oh, I was so pleased.

But I feel bad for him now. I do. Cowboys tight end, Jackie Smith. You got to be a little older, remember Jackie Smith, dropped a sure touchdown in Super Bowl 8, playing for the Dallas Cowboys against the Pittsburgh Stillers. If you're in a younger person, you can look it up. It was just heartbreaking. Now, it wouldn't have won the Cowboys the game,

but when Jackie dropped that pass from Roger Stalbach, you could see that it sucked all the life out of the Cowboys, and you knew in that moment they had no chance. And it's still heartbreaking to watch. Jackie Smith. I remember in high school I read the autobiography of, what was his real first name? Dennis, Ernest, Thomas.

I read the autobiography of Thomas Hollywood, Henderson. Brad Ryder, do you remember Hollywood Henderson? Yes. He was a linebacker for the Cowboys. He was a Coke pig. He was totally out of control. Matter of fact, I think his autobiography was called Out of Control. He was banging the pointer sisters. Anyway, in Hollywood Henderson's autobiography, he talked about watching Jackie Smith drop that touchdown pass. And since Thomas was all coked up and out of his mind, he said after the game was over, he said, I had every intention of killing Jackie Smith for dropping that touchdown path. I was going to kill him.

But he said when he walked into the locker room, Jackie Smith, who was a big redhead character, Jackie was sitting in the locker room, bawling, holding his son, who was just a miniature version of Jackie Smith, just this little adorable red-headed kid. And when Henderson saw Jackie crying and holding his son, he said, I couldn't do it. I couldn't go through it.

I couldn't go through it with murdering my teammate. Now, this is silly, but they mentioned Mark Sanchez and they mentioned the butt fumble. I think he's off the hook for that. And Sanchez gets hit. The ball is loose and it's alive. I have never seen this before in my life. Watch this. Vince Wilford is going to throw Brandon Moore back into his quarterback.

Mark Sanchez not expecting it. And it was the backside of Brandon Moore that knocked the ball out. I mean, the butt fumble, who cares? He tried to stab a truck driver to death. Yeah, he's been able to get rid of that memory. Yeah. Maybe that was his motivation. Mark Sanchez is noted here on athletes who made one mistake

that overshadowed their entire career. Well, for Markets, too. Nick Anderson of the Orlando Magic, the 1994 NBA Final Finals. Oh, that was tough to watch. I remember it like it was yesterday. But I was in favor of his failure because I was rooting for the huge. Houston Rockets at the time. Nick Anderson missed four free throws in a row, and any one of them would have won game

one for the Orlando Magic in that series against the Houston Rockets. Would they have won the title? I don't know. But I don't know if you guys have seen the documentary on the Orlando Magic of that era with Shaquille O'Neill and Penny Hardaway. Anybody? Yeah, I've seen it. You've seen them when they cover the Nick Anderson.

Is that brutal to watch or what? Yeah, even when you know what's coming, it's tough to watch. And he was never the same again? This one doesn't belong in the conversation at all. I mean, nothing against Bro Bible, but they were reaching at straws here as far as athletes that made one mistake and it overshadowed their entire career. Lions quarterback Dan Orlovsky in 2008, a game against the Vikings.

That was funny. He stepped out of bounds. So what? They were 0-in-16. Who's Dave Orlovsky? That was dumb to include that. He didn't just step out of bounds. He basically ran around the goalpost thinking he was still in bounds.

Well, yeah, but I mean, he didn't have a career. You know what I mean? He's more famous now for TV than he is for being Dan Rolofsky of the Lions. He cost his team two points in a season where they went 0 and 16. I don't think that really qualifies. Todd Bertuzzi does qualify, though. Oh, when he mangled that kid? Yeah, Jesus, Paul's Todd Bertuzzi.

What an awesome player he was. He was absolutely when he was clicking on all cylinders with the Vancouver. He was just immovable, awesome player. But he mangled Steve Moore, and yeah, you can't help but simply think of that moment. Josh, were you worried that was going to be you when you walked by him in that hallway? I figured he wasn't going to take on a little guy, but he was very intimidating when he stared me and Nick down. And we mentioned before, like, it was the whole way towards us. He side stared, and as he walked by, he turned around.

around and stared at us still. He never took his eyes off of us for a good, I'm going to say three minutes. It seemed that way for sure. Like Josh said, as he approached, as he passed, and even as he moved on down the corridor, he never took his eyes off of us, and I appreciated it so much, because I know what he was doing. He was going to intimidate everybody in the city of St. Paul. He didn't care who it was. Yeah, if you're a Minnesotan, you were in trouble. Yeah. This is when the pigs and the Canucks played in the... Western Conference playoffs held 20 years ago now, whatever it was. Jeez, 23 years ago, that's crazy.

A lot of folks are texting in. Leon Let Gary Anderson, Blair Walsh. I knew the Gary Anderson thing would pick up again, even though it wasn't his fault. What else are people texting? We're talking about, oh, Garo Yipremian? Sure, we discussed his gong show. Tanya Harding's a good one. That's a really good one.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder, so it seems like this is all on the field court, whatever stuff. But, I mean, that would, it's there. Yeah. Absolutely. That should qualify. Absolutely qualifies.

I mean, because they're leaving obvious ones like OJ off and stuff like that because it wasn't on the field. That's true. I didn't even notice that. It's all during a game. I didn't even, that didn't connect with me. You're right. That's why that Mark Sanchez thing didn't come up. Oh.

Although I don't know how you don't put like a little asterix at the bottom of that and say, hey, this is, if you paid attention to any recent news, he's well known for some other stuff here. Yeah, yeah, okay, it's all on the field stuff, or else this list would be incredibly long. Tonya Hardin is a great example, because nobody would remember the woman who finished, I think, seventh in the 1994 Olympics if it wasn't for that incident.

Like, there wouldn't be movies made about her if she didn't have the guy go club on Tanya Hart, Nancy Kerrigan. You know, it's funny, I never wondered if she was good or not. I was so focused on that. I thought she was very good at it. She was very good, but she did bomb out of that Olympics. The one after she mangled. Well, yeah, she was nuts at that point.

And there was something with a broken skate and they won't put her to fix it and things like that. She went nuts. I mean, all that pressure and all the accusations. Yeah, she had no chance. Okay. That changes everything for me. And sorry I blew up. If we're only talking about on-field stuff, I always come up with Donnie Moore,

1986 American League Championship Series. Then unfortunately he ended up, yeah. He never really got over that and took his own life. Donnie Moore gave up that home run to Dave Henderson. And the Angels were, I think more than once, they were one strike away from Go Under the World Series. Dave Henderson hits that home run off of Donnie Moore. And he cracked.

Very sad story. Speaking of baseball, the American club playing in the World Baseball Classic, They beat the Dominican Republic last night. So tomorrow night, the Americans will play the winner of tonight's other semifinal matchup, which features the Venezuelans versus the Italians. Yeah, I watched most of that game last night. If you like well-pitched games, it was really weird. They were talking about it after the game, too.

You wouldn't think it was mid-March watching that game. You'd think it was mid-October. It was such a well-played game. I couldn't. It didn't hold me. Maybe tomorrow night I'll get into the, oh no, I can't. I'm going to the Wolves game to watch Pee-P's and Poohs, Jesus. All right, so yeah, Team USA, going to play the winner of the Venezuelans and the Cubby, the Italians playing. Hey, we're playing baseball over there.

That's pretty cool. That's my imitation of the Italian baseball team. Is that what they say? Look at me. Are you looking? Look away. And what else is going on? Kurt Warner says Viking fans shouldn't worry so much about Kyler Murrah being too short to be a great quarterback in the NFL.

I'm already getting burnt out on the height jokes about Kyler Murray. Is that concern anyone, his height? Well, people bring it up a lot, that's for sure. 10 percentage beyond 10 yards concerns me a lot more. I like that Kyler Murrah. It's going to be a great year. Well, there you go, Bradrider. you did wonderful things for us today.

Considering our guy Randy is on the toilet. Although we haven't confirmed that. He still might be on the toilet. Pardon me? He still might be on the toilet. Well, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Randy's sick. Thanks, Brad Ryder.

We will talk to you. We'll talk to you on Wednesday. Wednesday. Yes. We'll be back with more on the Half-Assed Morning Show here in a few minutes. The 93X Half-Ast Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, Pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.

Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-E-L-E. And it spells relief for you.

Next roll with Vernon Davis. the transformative journeys of athletes, artists, and entrepreneurs. Ladies and gentlemen, lights out, Sean Merriman. I want to be the biggest and the best one I do. And so whatever it takes, I'll get it done in business and everything else. All I do is know how to fight and earn what I want. My man. Malik asks, what actor, comedian, what you want to collaborate with?

Me, Jamie Fox, like Kevin Hart in a movie. We said it on Vernon Davis podcast then, so we'll circle back and be like, yep, it goes to clear. Next role with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The home of the half-assed morning show. Oh, all right, there you go. Friggin' Monday morning.

Welcome back to the 93X half-ass morning show. Earlier, we dedicated today's program to our local plow dorks, the men and women who, oh, I don't know, put in a good 24, 30-hour shift, clearing a path for all of us. I hope they feel the love ski. Yeah, I hope so, too. We were talking about it earlier. I mean, it's completely bone-dry on the freeways this morning.

Thanks a lot for getting me to work. If you could make one complaint, that'd be your complaint. Yeah. You dicks. Wish I would have had somewhere's better to go. They canceled a lot of stuff too soon. They didn't have the faith we had, I guess. What do they cancel?

All the schools? You know, I shouldn't say, oh, I don't know if all of them, but a lot of them canceled. My godson going to school today? No, they canceled it last night. What a bunch of soft-ass sissies. I know. What else did they cancel? Well, some events got canceled.

I haven't seen on our email, usually if there's some precipitation, Everybody in the building is like, yeah, I don't want to risk it. Not coming in today. So I haven't seen any of that. They're figuring it out. It was impressive. Full-on dedication today.

To the plow folk. Hopefully you get some friggin' sleep. Yeah, a couple days off or something. Get yourself a day to relax. Maybe try some snake yoga. Snake yoga, you say. Yeah, it's like goat yoga. but with snakes.

I've got, like my wife and her friends, have done the paddleboard yoga. Oh. Oh, that looks, I can't even stand up on a paddleboard without doing yoga. I've never even tried. And then I think they did the goat yoga once, or maybe I'm thinking to Ashley. Somebody I know did goat yoga and got pooped on a lot. Yeah, the pictures look fun, but I have no desire to go do it. Puppy yoga?

Oh, God. I can get in on that. People are now paying to. perform yoga moves with snakes. I think this is just one shop in Portland, Oregon, has come up with this idea. And it's getting them a lot of pubsky. You are handed a snake while you're sitting on the mat or whatever yoga involves.

Mostly pythons and boa constrictors. You got any kind of a snake phobia, Josh, or is it just, what do you call those things? spiders and insects. Bugs freak me out. No, I like snakes. I don't have a problem with those. I know you're a cobra guy. Oh, dude, I'll dump a cobra on my opponent.

You always strike fast, strike hard, and no mercy. That's your motto. That brings me back, Santino Morella. Cobra! And he jibb you right in the neck. One time he cobred himself on accident. That was my favorite moment. Yeah, he cobored himself.

Oh, the cobra turned on him. Snake yoga. All right, so just that's how you get some attention in the yoga community. Just add the latest, weirdest critter to sit in on the session with you. Right?

Where could we go from here? Yeah, so I was going to ask if any of you have any ideas, is it just, it's more of a calming effect for some people? I guess I'm not really sure. The challenge on a paddleboard. Oh, oh, okay. Here's what they say,

about snake yoga. Some people are signing up for this now because they just simply love snakes. Others are going ahead with the gimmick. Even if they're not yoga enthusiasts, they're going ahead with the gimmick to face their fears. Yeah, I know some people said they like the idea of having a heavier snake on them. It's like one of those weighted blankets, which is supposed to provide comfort. The only non-normal yoga I've ever done was the hot yoga. Oh, and let me tell you, I made up a batch of soup that day. My wife teaches a hot yoga class. I know.

It was. It's like 100 degrees in there or something. It was miserable. Although I'll tell you what, were the people mostly naked? Yeah, they were stripped down pretty good. I did everybody in favor by keeping my sweatpants and my hoodie on. I'm going to stand strong. I'm going to be the only sucker in town that never falls for this crap.

So you've done yoga. Dana Josh, have you done yoga? Well, okay, I take that back. My wife wanted me to try it once. She's an instructor. And so at our house, I was like, I'm fine. And I didn't want to do it. I just didn't at all.

But she kept making fun of me for not being flexible. So I tried. Which we've proven is absolutely 100% inaccurate. I tried it for, I'm going to say, 10 minutes tops. But the problem is like she'll say a name of a pose. I don't know the pose. So I have to look at her to try and emulate that pose. And by the time I'm halfway in that position, she's moved on to the next one.

So I just got frustrated and said, you know, this isn't for me. Yeah. But I've never taken a class. I've never done any fitness class. Believe it or not, look at me. Are you surprised by that? Very surprised. Good jeans.

How did your wife become a yoga instructor? Is there an online course or something you have to take in order to be a yoga instructor? Ivy League scholarship. Is that right? Harvard has a yoga program. Here it is, Cubby. You just said this. Guy, you know a little bit about everything.

One student involved in snake yoga at this hippie-dippy-dippy joint in Portland, Oregon, compared the snakes to a weighted blanket. Huh. Well, but a weighted blanket is warm and soft. A snake is cold and scaly. I know people tend to like those. Those got real popular all of a sudden, or maybe a few years ago.

The weighted blanket thing? Yeah. All right. So, it's anybody's guess which next critter will fall into play and be the next trendy yoga vibe. That lion on a paddleboard and attempting to sniff your own ass in a yoga position. That scared the balls off of me a few years ago,

where I was on a boat, and I was coming into a bay going fairly balls out, and on the horizon, all I could see, all I could make out was human bodies floating on the surface of the water. And I thought, there's been a terrible accident. It looked like maybe some boats had collided and there were bodies floating. But no, as I approach closer, it was hippies on paddleboards lying as still as can be. I could not put two and two together what I was looking at. I've only seen it once myself. There's a lake by us that I guess they rent them and have classes out there.

But is that just it's more tough on your core? I think so. It's the gist versus just having a nice outdoor surrounding. And, you know, I wasn't the only boat coming into the bay at that moment. This is a very popular lake is how you say it. Those poor bastards on those paddleboards had no chance with the wakes that were coming at them. So they picked a bad spot if they wanted to Zen out or whatever the word. Is Zen involved?

I think so. Chi, Chi, is Chi? Chi might be involved. Sure, centering your chi or whatever they say. Loving the first degree, Jesus is texting in to say the best ever cobra would be, Lieutenant Marion Cobra Cabretti. Totally agree. Oh, that movie freaked me out.

I was scared of that bad guy. Oh, well, they all had axes and they were cutting people's heads off. This was a 1986. He's a weird-looking dude. Sylvester Stallone documentary called Cobra. So good. Although I wonder if it would stand up if I watched it now. Oh, it's terrible.

Well, I thought I was a sixth grader. Oh, it's absolutely one of the worst movies ever made. I loved it back then. Yeah, me too. Maybe I shouldn't re-watch it. Don't, don't. For a couple of reasons. I don't want to ruin it because I have such good memories.

And also, what if I'm still scared of the bad guy at 50 years old? I'd be pretty embarrassed. Brian Thompson, the Night Slasher. Just a weird-looking dude. Oh, it's just one of the worst movies of all time. All right. Speaking of movies, they went through with the Oscars last night. Is there anything we should know from this?

I don't ever follow the... I'll be honest. I kind of skimmed head. Okay, were there any movies that you have seen that were mentioned in? Sinners. Sinners, yep. Sinners, okay. Michael B. Jordan.

Doesn't ring a bell. Vampire movie. I saw that one. My big takeaway from the Oscars was I thought it was pretty cool that in his tucks, Michael B. Jordan just went to like in and out burger holding his trophy and just went and ordered a bunch of food. Yeah, he's the every man. He is.

Like an entire meal of food? Yes. Oh, man. I could eat a meal of food. good. That's my favorite type of meal. That's the thing about the aliens. That doesn't make any sense. That's the thing about the Oscars is that

I usually don't recognize any of the films. I haven't seen any of them. I used to be a lot more dialed into it than I am now. Now when they come out, I've only seen, I think this year I've seen two of the ten that were nominated. Which two? What's the Leonardo DiCaprio that won the best

picture? There's an O in it. I have no idea. What movie? God, what was the name of the way? It won the It won the whole smear. I see the ad for it all the time, and it escapes me too. It's a current movie? Yeah. Oh, running around town all the time.

Yes. It's called, I never stopped running around. One battle after another. That's the one. Told you there was a no in it. There's a couple of them. That won an award? Yeah, the one in Best Picture.

All right. If you want to keep up on the movie vibe, I mean, we could do this and do this and go on and on and on. These are apparently the movies that are 10-out-old. of 10. No negative words to say. These are the 10 out of 10 movies, according to a mass portion of society. Here's why I said aliens, because they call the movie Alien from 1979, a 10 out of 10, along with mean girls. Interrupt me if you have a problem. Mean girls, my cousin Vinnie, the Emperor's New Groove never saw it, the Incredibles never saw it. Matilda never saw it. Matilda never saw it, the Princess Bride.

Princess Bride, if somebody says, what's a perfect movie, that comes to mind for sure. And I say The Thing, which is next on the list. I haven't seen the thing. The Shawshank Redemption, Office Space, Back to the Future, Galaxy Quest, Raiders and the Lost Dark Goodfellas. Twelve Angry Men Never Saw it. Shana the

Dead Stand By Me, Airplane Tremors, Jaws. It's a good list. That's a great list. I put Jurassic Parking Back and Back to the Future on there. It's number 10. What Back of the Future is on here? Oh, it is. Isn't it? Yeah, you mentioned it. Oh, my bad. What did you say? Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park The original I think that's a perfect movie That's a great movie 10 out of 10 I did see a little bit of tremors The other day for no good reason Oh I haven't seen that one

Is that Kevin Bacon? Yeah Yeah And his sidekick in that movie is Well well known I can never Ward Fred Ward

Fred Ward Do I have that right Kevin Bacon Fred Ward I believe there is a Fred Ward Yeah He doesn't get enough credit Whenever anyone mentions tremors They all say

Kevin Bacon. They don't mention Fred. Those are the 10 out of tens. Yeah, Mean Girls was funny. That was a good movie. Yeah, Mean Girls does still hold up very well. Sean of the Dead. That was very good. Kill the Queen. That's my favorite line in Sean of the Dead.

Queen is raging on the jukebox as they're fighting zombies. And one guy says, they're English, remember. One guy says to the other, hey, kill the queen. And he says, What? The music. Kill the music. Galaxy Quest was way better than I thought it was going to be.

I thought it looked pretty stupid. That was a funny. Anybody else see that one? Oh, years ago. Yeah, a long, long time ago. It was a lot of fun. It was. And I don't like Tim Allen, but it was a lot of fun.

Tough to make yourself a perfect movie. And, of course, we could all add to this. But those are the ones folks are going with. I'd like to see Stand By Me again. Just saw it recently. Good, great movie. Again. I'd imagine that holds up.

shoot, it's on the list of 10 out of 10, no bad part. This is all I do is watch old movies and old television shows, so I just bumped into that one recently. A lot of people texting their suggestions for 10 out of 10 movies, and Go Cowboys, Jesus has a good point here. We forgot to mention Brianna Banks takes all. I remember Brianna Banks. So that's just a big or gongy or gangbang?

I'm guessing she took all that day, Josh. You were saying it as if you've seen it. You just heard good things. I just thought that was funny, and I haven't heard the name Brianna Banks had a lot in a long time. You said something, you said Cowboys in there somewhere. Yeah, go Cowboys, Jesus. Go Cowboys, Jesus. And that brings up, while we're talking about movies, has anyone ever recommended a movie to you quite feverishly?

And then you saw it, and it caused you to turn on that friend permanently. And when you said Cowboys, it made me think of an old pal of mine, Brian. It was a long time ago, 20 years ago, maybe. he said, dude, you gotta see Cowboys and aliens? Oh, yeah, that was fun. Oh, my God. Even I didn't like that movie.

No, you didn't. He said, you gotta see it. It is so friggin. I'm surprised anybody would recommend that. Does he know you at all? We knew each other fairly well at the time. I can't imagine you enjoying that. We weren't old friends, though.

I see where you're going with that. We weren't old friends. We were new friends being this guy. And I said, well, hell yeah, I'll try. Cowboys. The next time I saw him, I told him to his face. I said, I don't think we can be friends anymore.

I don't. What in the hell were you thinking recommending that to anyone over the age of seven? Yeah, it's kind of one of those things where somebody told me they didn't like a movie I loved. You know, okay, that's fine. But if they did present the movie, it's the greatest ever. And I went and saw it, I would kind of wonder, like, how did you find any value in that? I've probably been that guy. That would stick with me a little more.

I've probably been that guy. Can you think of anything? Dana, someone steered you towards a movie. You saw it and said, you've got to be frigging me. Oh, I mean, I knew I was going to hate it going into it, so maybe this doesn't count, but an ex made me watch the sound of music with her. Oh, wow. That's a classic.

Jesus. But it's also like four and a half hours long. Wow, you must have really been hard up for ass. It was during the pandemic. We were bored. Sound of music. Yeah, I haven't seen that one. Never saw it.

You know, the spinning scene, certainly. I didn't realize how dark it gets at the end with Nazis and stuff like that. Oh, really? I didn't even know what it's about. I assumed it was about music. Yes. And people are hearing that sound. There is some music.

My mother and sister watched it, it seemed almost weekly when I was a kid. But I never... It seemed like it was on TV a lot when we were growing. Yeah, it was. Half-assed morning show. Come on. Yeah, we got to wrap this deal up and get going again. Will our co-workers, Randy Shaver.

and Ashley be able to return tomorrow. I guess we'll find out. I understand that it's gotten so bad that they're not really wiping anymore. They're just kind of dabbing. Yeah, I've been there. Me too. Sometimes it's your only move. Yep.

So maybe we'll see those two characters tomorrow. If not, by God, we'll just have to do our best. We dedicated today's program to the plow folks. Speaking of movies, the Society of the Snow, you might. called them. I remember the first time I heard a plow driver look out the window and say, ooh, white gold. We dedicated our program to the plow folks plowing for a day and a half straight. It ain't easy. A handful of plow dorks have texted in about some of the obstacles faced while clearing out this latest storm. I count one plow driver who spilled hot coffee on the nuts.

Oh, man. So sorry. Ouch. He went on to say, I'm going to have a hell of a scab to pick in a few days. Gross. A couple people text in and said they had, one person had 150 jobs, right? 150 places to go. Come on, really?

150. And that only one Karen out of that. Oh, dude. Yeah. That's pretty good ratio. spilled some hot coffee on the nuts. Oh, while sifting through text messages that have come in from Plow Dorks, I count two popped hemorrhoids along the way.

That's pretty good, considering how many people are out there driving and plow, and I count two popped hemorrhoids. That's a lot. That's a lot? Yeah. I mean, any more than zero is too much for me. Nobody should have to experience something like that. Have you ever done a plow driver ride-along, Josh?

You're such a ride-along slut. No, I'd love to. Just the guys in the pickup trucks all the way up to the ones clearing city streets. Dude. I want to see some of the, I mean, I've watched videos, like YouTube videos, kind of like how they do it and what it looks like from the cab. And the ones that have the heads-up display, that looks pretty sweet. I don't know what that means.

Where it just kind of projects on the windshield and it has like, you know, where things are, like a, I don't know, like a, a feel. fish sona. I don't know how to describe it necessarily. And then all the controls that are back, that looks pretty cool. They can't really see directly below and in front of them, so something projects. Yeah, I'm not sure how much they can see it.

It's just YouTube videos. That's fascinating. It's pretty cool stuff. You might like it. I don't know. I'm surprised you haven't done a plow truck ride along. A couple more texts that have come in from drivers. This listener doesn't want to give away any

details. No, doesn't mention the neighborhood he was working in this morning, but he wants to pass on an apology to one of the folks on his route. He says, Sorry about the boat trailers sitting alongside the driveway. I didn't see it under the snow. Oh, shoot. That's got to be a tough gig.

Come on. That cracks me up. Boom. Bobby scares the living hell out of you. I've heard fences, garage doors, lawns, certainly, mailboxes. That's the first time. Would you say there's a boat on the trailer?

She said just boat trailer. Ah, the trailer. Well, that's better than having a boat on there, too. Oh, God. God, that sucks. I'm sure there's a split second where you're thinking, I'm just going to drive out of here. Maybe nobody will notice.

He doesn't want to give away where this happened, I think. He doesn't want to lose any business, but he's very apologetic about the boat trailer. I'll bet. That sucks. Sounds like, I mean, come on, but you've got to laugh your balls off a little bit at something like that. Somebody should let you know there's a trailer there. You've got to stake out the driveway, don't you?

Put some of those orange things. Don't you have to do that if you have a plow guy? Well, I don't know if you have to, but most folks do. Yeah, I've seen them. What do you do? My plow crew puts those orange stakes around my driveway for me. Oh, cool. But in past years, I've done it for the driver.

Oh, you know what? I used to have some buddies who worked at car dealerships. I remember this. This person's saying, keep us car sales guys in your prayers. We have to broom off all the cars from our lots. Oh, that's right. I've heard about that before. That sounds miserable.

Yeah, then they key them up. They have to plow where the cars were and then move them all back. That's going to be a day. Anoka County is officially inviting you to do a plow truck ride along, Josh. I'd love to. I mean, hopefully they don't get sick of me too quick. You know what the bad news is there, though. What's that?

Well, I said it out loud. Yeah. The Anoka part? Anoka County. You won't make it home in one piece. Out of that thing? No, they're going to bury me in a snowbank. Some mall.

I think they'd enjoy your company. But just, you know, tread carefully up there. Everyone knows how squarely it is north of $694. All right, good news. The car salesman who's going to be out there, bruming cars, moving cars back today, they're going to have a pizza party. I mean, most people look forward.

Doesn't everybody look forward to a pizza party? It's a great equalizer. Dudes all day long sweeping off cars. Back and forth he goes. At the end of the day, he gets to have a couple of slices of pizza. It better be a cooler full of beer. And this one, one final text message from a plow driver this morning. Oh, this is funny.

One of our listeners got a shopping cart stuck. Oh, God, got a shopping cart stuck in the auger while blowing snow back in the day. Oh, dude. Jesus. That'll kill a guy. Illustrator Jesus' text in. He said, I believe I live with that one Karen I was describing earlier, the plow guy who said he had a whole bunch of plowing to do, only one Karen. He would like to apologize for her behavior, and he's begging you to come back.

He believes with that. He lives with that. Karen. Lives with her. One more text here, and there's so many more coming in again. dedicated the show to you. This is funny. A plow guy says for certain customers who don't pay on time,

I like to roll down the windows in my pickup and give out a loud, maniacal laugh as I plow back and forth. I want them to remember me. Maybe they'll pay on time. Back and forth he goes with a loud, maniacal laugh roaring out of the cab of that pickup. I always thought you had to prepay for a package or something like that. Oh, no.

I haven't yet hired a plow guy. I can close. I make those bastards wait, Josh, until near Independence Day before they get my money. Yeah, I had it all wrong. I thought it was like, hey, you sign up, you pay this, and if it snows, cool, if not, you still got to pay. It's not that, not like that, huh? Here's a guy that texted in.

Pizza party over a raise, huh? That's great. The pizza party instead of a raise. That's about how it goes. That's how it works around here. We know it. Shout out to the State Patrol Com Center in Rochester and the troopers of District 2,200,

who overnight dispatch, Jesus said, were absolute rock stars over the weekend. So just to pile on to our thanks to the plow men and women for keeping us safe on the roads. We appreciate all y'all. Happy 20th to Kylie and Hillman Welder Jesus texted a birthday shout out to his cousin, Fuzz Nuts, Jesus. Oh, wow.

Hope it's a great one. Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat.

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