93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Cinco De Marcho

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

Originally Aired March 5, 2026: TV shows that NEED to be made into movies. You want your kid to play sports? That'll be 50,000 dollars. Everything you wanna know about Bread.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. 90-3. Here goes nothing. Here goes the Thursday model of our radio program. Our hope is that everyone is doing just great.

Welcome to the half-ass morning show. I've finally, finally, Josh, gone ahead and done it. I've coughed myself lame. Bro. My month-long coughed-nato. that I'm sure regular listeners I've noticed it finally got me yesterday. Something is given way. I've busted a spring or something on my insides.

So if I come off a little fragile this morning, it's because I've shattered something. And each time I cough, Josh, that crack grows a little deeper. I was going to ask if it was one big cough or just the cumulative of all the coughing that just weakened things. I think it was just a long process. I don't need anybody being funny today. You're safe. Be gentle with me.

Pretend like you're banging me. Would you be rough with a guy my age? No, you'd be very subtle. I'm a gentle lover for sure. You'd be very subtle and soft with me. That's the advice I'd like to give you. Something else about me, I'll let you finish first. As a matter of fact, that's a mission for me.

It kind of sucks because Ashley knows this. I like to give Nick a hug like every 15 minutes or so. and today I think I'm not going to be able to do it. It's a bummer. Something popped. Something gave way. Can you sit down and drink if you wanted to? I can.

Okay, good. Today is Cinco Day Marcho. One of those made-up holidays. And the idea is to train your liver, do a little liver training because we're coming up to St. Patrick's Day. So you start light. Work your way up so you can handle all the green beer, a guy or gal can handle it. Come on.

What alcoholic came up with that idea? I think they just wanted to say Cinco de Marcho. They sat around and said, well, how can we make this into a thing? Make something up. And that's how they did it. I don't think I can bring myself to say out loud as an adult. I don't think I can bring myself to say Cinco de Marcho out loud more than one time. Oh, I love it.

I used to look forward to St. Patrick's Day big time and had nothing to do with drinking. I know some people are like, ooh, here we go, drinking holiday. That's going to be fun. Most of your life has had nothing to do with drinking. It's eating. It's eating. I loved like we'd get Rachel's or Ruben's, usually Rubens on, you know, St. Patrick's Day. My dad would make those. I mean, the house would smell like cabbage for a week, which I didn't necessarily mind. But I would look forward to those every single year, you know, where we get something a little special. The Rubens always made me excited about St. Patrick's. That's good stuff right there. So Cinco de Marcho is the prep for St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Get yourself a few beers. you have four, then you have six, eight, ten, twelve, as you're leading up to St. Patrick's Day,

by the time you get the St. Patrick's Day proper, you're a professional. Do you guys, or have you ever gone nuts for St. Patrick's Day, meaning like several years in a row, where every year you looked forward to it? I never looked forward to it. Oh, you really did it? No. I always thought it was fun. I never really enjoyed St. Patrick's Day.

We've covered this many times. My Irish family tortured me as a young person over St. Patrick's Day. So by the time I was old enough to enjoy it, sure, I would go along with it. I would go to a bar that was serving corn, beef, and cabbage. I would drink the green beer out of the keg. But there was always all those horrible, haunting memories of youth that would be in the back of my mind. I've always loved it. It's so much fun.

Do you come from an Irish family? I don't know. I have no idea. Did you ever see? You'd know. Because they'd bring it up. We both grew up in Irish families. You'd know. Did your mother ever embarrass you at a St. Patrick's Day parade in St. Paul by dancing around like a jackass? God, no. Okay.

God, no. It was just fun to get together and drink with my friends. You have to understand some of the trauma that I went through. I also like dressing up, like anything that has a theme. So that's always fun for me. My parents would always sing at church. So on St. Patrick's Day, the Mass there, they'd be up there singing, and sometimes that'd be a little embarrassing. Everything about that sounds awful. Aren't those your parents?

No, no, no, no. I've never seen those people before in my life. I don't have parents. I live on my own. You'd be sitting there in church and then your folks would pop up out of the, what do they call it, the pews? Yep. And they'd go sing with an Irish progue or something up there. Daddy boy.

They'd be up there singing at church. And you wouldn't pretend like you weren't with those people. I'd sink into the pew, for sure. Yeah, I was so tired of St. Patrick's Day by the time I was 11 that it still kind of pisses me off. Kind of aggravates me. Hate bagpipes. Yeah, the music. I love it.

I love it. I love the music. All the green dyes. When I was in my 20s in college, it was kind of fun and cute, but now it's like, it's just beer, but it's green. Oh, no, it's always fun. Look, look at that. That's not normally that. color. I also look forward to the shamrock shakes. Do I have an eating disorder? I've already had one.

Have you had one? This year? Yeah. No, not yet. Oh, dude, so good. Always hit. Quite honestly, I don't know if my stomach can handle it anymore. I want one so bad. Just get a small. Start off small. Yeah. Kind of like Cinco de Marcho. You know, you get a mini one to start and you kind of build your way up. There's only one way to find out, Josh, if you can still handle a shammerch. rock shake and that's by deep throat and one of those pigs as soon as possible. All right, I'll do it on a Friday. Just so I don't ruin your guys' day. No, do it before a show one day.

It'll be fun to see the fireworks. Yeah, all right. Jameson? Do you have a Jameson, you know, on St. Patrick's Day? No. I have Jameson every day. Or like, you know, not every day, but when I drink, regardless. Never been into the, never been into the booth.

That stuff always tastes like rocket. Not that I've had rocket fuel, but what I imagine rocket fuel does it taste like. Oh, no, Jameson is delicious. It'll clear your sinuses out for you. Too rough for this guy. I've always loved Jameson. How's my dad's drink? I'm not 100% sure on my husband, but I do know after he went to Ireland for two weeks, he came

home and he had, he absolutely loved Guinness and Jameson. And I thought, oh, well, this probably lasts for a couple weeks. It's still going. It's been a couple years. He drinks Guinness? Yeah, but honestly, I got onto it too. It's so good. I love Guinness.

You know, I agree with you. I thought I was going to hate it. I didn't think I was going to like it at all. I thought it was pretty good. Oh, it's delicious. Outside of IPAs, I like pretty much everything. Which I think annoyed the people that we collaborated with for our beer because they wanted us to taste a bunch, see what you like. This is good.

This is good. I like absolutely everything. Tastes like beer to me. Yeah, that's all great. Well, there you go. Where are we? You said it's March 5th. 12 days. What day of the week does St. Patrick's Day fall on this year? What is it? Let me look. It is on a Tuesday. Oh, perfect. Best day to go and get hammered. My son has a doctor appointment that day. It's super exciting. It was funny when we were making the appointment.

They're like, oh, March 17th, St. Patrick's Day? And I thought, oh, wait, no, we probably have something. And I was like, oh, no, we have nothing going on. We have a child now, so we can't go out and drink. all day. You won't have anything going on for about the next 10 years. Yeah. So I was like, yeah, yeah, we'll be here. Yeah, St. Patty's Day has also become more than just a one-day thing. It just so happens two of my best pals who also are big beer drinkers celebrate a birthday together two days after St. Patrick's Day. So ever since we hit 21, Cubby, it didn't just end with, you know, you're laid out unconscious, dressed all in green, surrounded by vomit. You know what I'm talking about?

It didn't just end with St. Patrick's Day. We had to get right back on that horse and have this double whammy binge drinkers' birthday parties. So I've been worn down to a damn near nothing over the year. The middle towards the end of March has been a rough go for my friend group for a lot of years. Hey, speaking of drinking, if you're headed out to our Twin Cities takeover concert coming up this Friday night. Who's playing that pig? Three Days Grace. I Prevail. Sleep Theory. The funeral portrait. Oh, that sounds kind of scary. This is going to be a big one. I can tell by the text I get from friends requesting tickets. Yeah, absolutely. And I know, like, Three Days Grace,

You know, we've had their singer in before. Super cool guy. I Prevail, that's the, is that the, no, I'm sorry, sleep theory. That's the guys that look real scary, right? And I Prevails is my wife's all-time favorite band, so she's been talking about this for months. Yeah, buddy of mine, too. He loves those guys. She absolutely cannot wait.

It's all she talks about, and I'm so excited for her. It's the Twin Cities Takeover Show Friday Night, Target Center. If you're heading down to the show, Oh boy, stop by Glicks. I would if they'd let me back in the front door. Oh, no. You got a bad experience there? Nothing too memorable, but I've had some fun nights at Glicks.

It's a great place. They didn't throw you out? No, no, I didn't throw me. They probably could have at some point in my life. I've been there for St. Patty's Day before. Oh, I bet that's a fun spot on St. Patrick's Day. Absolutely it is. It's kind of cool to know that Glicks is still there.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I love that name. Stop by. from four to six, we're having a pre-concert beer party at Glick's restaurant and bar. Right along First and Sixth Street there. I think I have that right in downtown Minneapolis. Kitty Corner from Target Center.

You know how we operate these types of parties handing out some prizes? Oh, we'll be giving away pit passes for the show that night. So you can get right in the mix and get your ass kicked. I hope, you know, if you're a big fan, I hope you win those. That's a cool experience. Oh, yeah, being right up there in that little section right in front of the stage, that's so much fun. I'll pass. At my age, I'm not interested either, but it's a really neat experience if you're into it.

And a young man. Josh is in there with his camping chair sitting down. Dude, there's been times, I think Nick and I have been at shows before. We're like, why aren't there seats here? There should be seats everywhere. One of my all-time favorite bands. they're worth standing up for but after a while I'm like, I just want to sit down and watch this.

My knees hurt. I wish I was taller. Many, well, I guess it couldn't have been that many years ago, eight, ten years ago. Stone Temple Pilots came to town. I think that's the right act, Stone Temple Pilots. And I was asked to go by our old homeboy Jordan Perisi.

And I said, absolutely not. and he said, why? And I said, because I never gave two pumps about Stone Temple Piper. And he said, well, who's going to sit next to me? And I said, sit next to you? You have, there's, he said, yeah, I got a little special mini-sweet type of there's going to be. And I said, well, oh, that's totally, yeah, I'll go. Yeah.

I'll go, I'll sit through whatever Stone Temple Pilots is it. I'll go. So I had a chair and I went and had a good time and they actually put on a good show. So I like those guys. This, no one likes them. I do. This pit party, or pardon me, the pit passes that will be given away at Glicks for the Twin Cities takeover pregame scene. Those pit passes are sold out.

So this is the only way you can get that opportunity. If you want to be in the mix, if you're a young person, you want to take elbows to the schnaz and just, I mean, just go completely off your rocker up there in the pit. This is the only way you can get your hands on it. Our boss, Derek, he's going to be up on stage a little bit. Pablo, he'll be up there. I must warn you. Doing what? Announcing bands.

Oh, Jesus, yeah. Doing an acoustic set. Yeah, they're going to perform. They have a barbershop quartet. They just need two more people. Honestly, for a minute, that is what I pictured. I thought they've got an act. Oh, no, I was going to clear that up in a second.

And I should warn you, from what I'm going to, I hear he has a foul mouth a bit of he might throw an F word out at you so don't be surprised by that Dana are you doing announcements I'm doing an announcement too yeah you're going to be up there oh that's fun and thank you to the all-knowing brother and sisterhood sleep

token that's the band I'm afraid of sleep theory different band they're not the scary looking band gotcha yeah sleep token does not look like what I what they sound like in my opinion Dana when's the last time you did a stage announcement has it been a minute last fall sometime at one of our shows

Okay, that's not too bad. Oh, I hate those. And the border bash. I hate them too. Oh, gosh, I get so anxious. Well, the thing with stage announcement is it's high risk, little reward, you know, because if you go up there and just do a fine job, nobody's ever going to remember it. But if you go up and F it up and F it up, then it's going to be put on YouTube and social media.

You'll get made fun of for years. Oh, my gosh. I have, honestly, I haven't thought about the fact that like everybody videotapes everything and puts it online now. And now, yeah, I never want to do one again. I just keep it simple. I'm always afraid I'm on a trip. I thought you did trip once. Is that true or not?

No, I don't think so unless I'm completely forgetting. The stairs are never lit up enough, and I'm always afraid of what a trip. There's cords. Everywhere. I always feel like I'm in everybody's way. And the roadies are always very, is there the stage hands, I guess? Maybe they prefer to be called. They're always very stressed because this is obviously huge, you know, they've got to get this thing right.

And if you do anything that they don't want you to do, oh, they'll let you know about it. Well, let me tell you this. As someone who has tripped doing one of those and knocked over the guitar player's acoustic guitar, it's a miserable feeling. I would just leave the building. It was on a boat. Yeah, thank goodness. Yeah, there's no place I could go.

He would have had to have jumped off. Cannonball! He would have had to have swam himself to shore. This was on a big boat party. Some act showed up. Red. I think the band's name was red. Bread.

Oh, my God. They've been around forever. Just red. They showed up to play some songs, and Josh kicked their guitar across the boat. That was terrible. I felt so awful. I thought it was great. Well, I'm sure you did.

If it was one of you guys, I would have felt, I would have thought it was great. I talked to the guitar player, and I was so apologetic. I couldn't believe I did it. Thankfully, it's just, you know, a handful of folks, and maybe this was pre-cell phone video or social media. I don't remember. But that guitar player was so cool. I thought for sure. Like you said, a lot of them are stressed.

Some of those guys kind of have attitudes. He did not at all. You thought he was going to pull a Jeff Jared and grab that guitar and smash it over your head. Oh, yeah. I thought he was just going to hate my guts. But he was so nice and just like, dude, it could happen to anybody. He couldn't have been nicer. I never had a doubt that the guys from Bread were going to be very patient with you.

They started in the 60s. No, Red. There's no B. I want to make it with you. Do you guys remember Bread? Of course. No. They played on a boat.

Josh kicked the guitar. It's a different band. Baby, I'm a want you. Baby, I'm a need you. Why were you afraid of bread? Yes, see, it wasn't bread. It was bread. I'll tell you a funny story.

Many, many, many, many years ago, I had the opportunity to go backstage and visit with ACDC. Or as Brian Johnson would say, Ersel, Dilsil. One of the real thrills of my lifetime. Got to meet Brian Johnson. Angus Young Cliff Williams

Phil Rudd Malcolm the late Malcolm Young and when I introduced myself to Malcolm Young I introduced I introduced hello that has nothing to do with it

when I was introduced to Malcolm Young I interrupted a long conversation he was having with someone else about the band Bread It was, but, you know, he's from that generation. From that generation, it was very normal for, and some of these are saying, who? This was a very popular folk band in the 60s and set. Folk rock, I don't know, southern acoustic, soft rock, whatever you want to call.

Here's Malcolm Young, the architect of one of the most badass bands in rock history, was having this long conversation about who played in the band, Brad, and some of the songs that they, you had to be there. So four to six Friday is this Twin Cities takeover pre-party at Glicks in Minneapolis. And like I said a minute ago, every time you turn around these days there's a new building being knocked over and new apartments being and that this things that you're used to and some of your favorite joints are leaving us. It's just really cool to know that a joint like Glix is still there. You're right. And there's many others. They're not coming to mind right now,

but it's just kind of a fixture. It's one of the first places I ever had a beer when I first started going to downtown Minneapolis was Glix. Word up is all I got to say on that. I think about that a lot, especially when I'm driving into work through campus, because I went to school at the U of M. we're not far from the main drag of Dinkytown.

Nothing's the same anymore. It's all different. It's all high-rise guy. I don't recognize a single thing anymore. in that area from where I used to do my partying in my early 20s. Yeah, it's changed a lot. I got to...

Oh, Christ, though, I'm leaving town. I'm leaving town this weekend for a little while. Friday, I won't be around or else. I'd walk right into that Glick's pre-party, walk up to the jukebox, and play some bread. Stop it with the bread. You're obsessed with bread. Ashley's gluten-free. Why would you do that to her?

Yeah, stomach hurts. Are you going to Brainerd? Oh, Brainerd? No, what's going on in Brainer? Well, I didn't know if you had something to do up that way. I just got to go out of town for one night on Friday. Brainer, no. Well, you were just there, right?

Yeah. I was going to ask you if you picked something up. We forgot something at the resort. Oh, yeah? Yeah, if you wouldn't mind. Would you leave behind? Like a phone charger or something? A child?

No, nothing like that. My daughter, her favorite bathing suit, she left up there, and it was like 20 bucks to mail back. If you don't mind just swinging by and picking that up real quick. You trust me with a 21-year-old girl's swimsuit? Your wife's going to be with you, I imagine. Oh, no, I got some news for you. Oh, no. Yeah.

Yeah, I'll pick up a young gal swimsuit for you. God, that would suck if you got divorced because I'd be on your side, and I can't imagine never having to turn against her. So there you go. What else is going on around here? Hockey tournament. Watch any hockey yesterday. I had it on, you know, period.

Periodically, I wasn't, you know, anywhere near glued to the television, but there you go. The high school hockey tournament is back in business. Pretty exciting. You know, there's a, I don't know if you want to talk about it. Well, we can talk about it. There's a funny photo on the Pioneer Press you were showing me and Ashley earlier. I don't know how much I want to say about that because it deals with high school people.

Well, I mean, it's safe. It's just basically everybody is so excited in this photo except one person, and we were trying to figure out, well, I wonder why that person is. unhappy. But everyone else. It's so great. Such a great photo. Everyone's pumped,

except for one, and I feel so bad for this person. High school drama. I imagine it's high school drama. Probably. I just want to reach out and say, hey, do you need someone to talk to? It gets better.

One of those poor people that has a resting bitch face. You know, some people just look like that as they're just vibe in. I was wondering, maybe that person was sitting in the wrong section and realized, oh, no.

This isn't my team. I saw a pitch. picture from yesterday's tournament where a goal had been scored by somebody, a young kid playing high school hockey, obviously, but I'm not going to name the town. A young kid scores a goal. He's diving up onto the glass nearest his student section, right? His school student section. And everyone is elated with the exception of one student, completely straight look on that student's face. And we were trying to figure out what the problem was. I'm just going to chalk it up to high school drama. You know, I don't want to wait for my life. You know, high school kids go through

a lot of things. It just wasn't that student's night last night. They weren't willing to get involved in the celebration of the goal that was scored during the tournament. Yeah, I'm very curious. I'd really like to ask, hey, what's going on in that book? What text did you just get? Because everybody was excited except for just one person. I don't know. I'm nosy. Tell me. I was never that moody high school kid, but there were plenty of them. I was pretty moody, but never

out in public, not in front of people. I was too proud to be like that in front of people, but when I got home, I'd be very moody. You know, like listen to Taylor Swift until like midnight. Oh, Nick knows all about that. Yeah, look out the window at the moon.

Very dramatically. Pretend I'm in a music video. I hate myself. Hate myself. So you were a moody kid, and at times you would stare out the window and hate yourself. Yeah. So when you're listening. Why doesn't he love me?

Oh, no. You know, I've never had that. I don't want to wait. Do you guys have those? Honestly. Do you have a song you listen to when you're sad? Bread. Oh, plenty.

Stop it. I've never done that. You never listened to. Ashley, I listen to Bread. I also listen to a lot of other stuff. Yes. sad music. Is it to make you more sad or to cheer you up? I don't

really know. Just to like fit the mood because sometimes it makes me cry. So I don't really understand why I do that to myself. But I have music that I play for every single mood that I'm in. I have, I actually was the other day, I was thinking

about how I was skipping some music in my car and it was like break up music or like, yeah, that dude sucks music. And And I can't listen to that kind of music anymore because I don't relate to it. I'm like, well, I'm in a happy relationship, so I can't really vibe to this anymore. Have you thought about maybe just hanging on to it just in case?

Make a playlist? Yeah, don't delete that playlist just yet, Ashley. You might need it. I hope not. You're still young. Well, I feel for you, Ashley, that you had to go through that as a young person. I know. It's hilarious looking back.

I'm on the Internet trying to find out how many records bred. old. Brett has never been talked about this much on the radio since 1965. No, you're right. Oh my damn. They sold 10 million records in the United States. They had 13 songs chart on the Billboard Hot 100. Between 70 and 77.

I remember Baby I'm a Want You, which I still don't fully understand the title. Baby I'm a Want You. And then there was, I want to make it with you. What's that about? Really hairy early 70s. intercourse? I bet it was very hairy back then.

Shoot, it was a little hairy when I started now that I think about it. There's changed. What did I say? Yeah, it was really hairy. Yeah. Do you know why they chose the name bread? No, do you? Yes. Go ahead. They got stuck in traffic behind a Wonderbread truck. That's awesome. And they were like, yeah, that works. Did they have enough marijuana to get them through that situation? I sure hope so.

Stuck in traffic behind a Wonderbread truck. Wonderbread. A lot of good times with Wonderbread. What a bunch of dorks. They look so cool, though. Gosh, I wish people still dressed like that. I wish I could grow my hair like the guys in bread. Me too. The 93X half-assed morning show.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki.

He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. When the moments in your life are too important to miss, you can trust O'Reilly Auto Parts to keep you and your plans on the road. Our professional parts people can test your vehicle's battery

and even give it a charge if needed. In most cases, we can install your new battery for free. It's just one of the many services we provide at O'Reilly Auto Parts to ensure life's best moments don't find you stranded. Oh, oh, oh, O'Reilly Parts. Stupid News on the half-assed morning show. Some days I'd just like to let it go. Let that acid rock play out. Give everyone a little taste of the madness, Covey.

Yeah, I wouldn't get you going. It's rocking. Here's a dude as we fire up today's stupid news report. a dude who earned himself a drug driving ticket. Drug driving is what I said.

That's a thing now. At least I've heard it said that way. Driving while high on dope is called drug driving. Have you heard that spin before, Cubby? Yeah, it makes sense. It's a good one. We all get it, right?

I think I understand. And like I said, this here, Jabroney, he earned his drug driving ticket. Dude got pinched for driving high while taking his driver's

test. His driver's license test. Sometimes you've got to do something to calm the nerves a little bit. I guess, yeah. This is a 26-year-old dude who got

pinched. I'm just going to guess that maybe he had lost his license earlier in life for doing something shady and he was taking a test behind the wheel to try and earn his license back? If that's the case, he really effed up his opportunity. I've noticed, like, folks of driving age don't seem to be as excited about it as we were growing up. No, they're not.

I could not wait to get my... I had it by 8 a.m. on my 27th, or not 27th. That would be completely against everything I said. My birthday's on the 27th. On my 16th birthday. If anyone knew your... If anyone knew the story of your upbringing, they're not surprised to hear. that you could not wait to have some element of freedom.

Yeah, I wanted freedom from the commune. Right. And that was the way we got it. I love driving. I always have, and I could not wait to get it. God bless my dad for taking me out there. That was really normal when I was around that age. Everybody made the appointment for the morning of their birthday.

But now, yeah, it's weird. Like, my niece didn't get hers until, like, a year after she turned the legal age. I'm like, why? Why do you not want this? It's a lot more of a process from what I understand. And I know teenage kids that they just don't really care. They've got other things that they're interested in. That's what I've noticed too.

This is a 26-year-old guy. Again, I'm guessing he might have had some troubles earlier in life and he was trying to get his license. Bick. And every parent who's had kids in sports, you know, it's such a relief. I mean, you're nervous that they get their license, but also it frees up a lot of time when you're not driving to practices and stuff like that.

And you got your own door dash. They don't mind. Hey, can you run here and grab this? They don't mind at that age to be running errands for you. And you've got to pay the fees. Right. So the driving teacher character, you remember that peckerhead that sat in the passenger seat while you took your driver's test to that character, the driving coach or whatever they're called, and this numbscull were cruising around town conducting the driver's license test. The local police noticed that they were driving around with only one brake light.

And they also noticed that the dude behind the wheel, taking the test, was really struggling to keep that pig in a straight line. So they had to pull them over. When the cops talked to Dinkus, they noticed a thick, thick smell of marijuana. cigarettes coming from his yapper. I don't know if the driving coach noticed this as well. Maybe he didn't care. Maybe he was geiffed, too. I don't know.

But they could smell the weed coming off the driver man. Says here, the cops gave the driver something called a drug wipe test. Does anyone know what it is that gets wiped during a drug wipe test? I thought it was a saliva thing. Yeah, like a swab? Inside of your mouth. So maybe that's what they're talking about? I'll swipe the inside of everybody's mouth.

He failed the drug wipe test. The 26-year-old donkey behind the wheel also had grass in his pocket. This guy's so stupid. I mean, thank you for being stupid in front of the folks. I can keep you off the road for the rest of us. Yeah. No kidding. Is it possible that he's thinking, you know, I'm going to be high?

So I might as well see if I can pass a test high, and if I pass the test high, it means I'm good to go. Kind of like Peter Griffin taking his DMV photo hammered so that when he gets pulled over, that's just the cops think that's just how he looks. That's his usual appearance. I kind of did that once. Well, I guess I definitely did that once. I did not drive myself to go get my new license photo. Somebody else did.

And I don't know. I didn't really like think about how I was going to be in that room with all those people like pretty buzzed up. and then like take my picture. And it was one of the best, probably the best license photo I've ever taken. You just relax. Yeah, I'm doing like a half smile kind of thing. And I was telling you guys last week that I found out that when I'm drunk, I guess I talk out of the side of my mouth.

I guess I also smile only with half my mouth. That's so funny. I've never been buzzed up and thinking, oh, you know, could you give me right to the DMV? I got a couple things I got to knock off the list here. So you just had to have your picture take. I don't know why. I remember being so stressed out in there like they were going to be mad at me. All the teenagers were there didn't care. Yeah, they don't care at all. The last driver's license test, no, that doesn't make any sense. The last driver's license

photo I had to take whenever I had to renew my driver's license. I've showed you this. My driver's license photo, my current driver's license photo, I look like a man who was receiving his last rights. I look like an elderly man taking his last breath. I have never seen a picture of me. I'm not as... I look terrible in mine, too.

I'm not as... Josh and I are both... Why? What's happening? Why did they do this to you, Josh? I just showed her mine. Why? That's one of the best pictures I've ever taken

and it's horrible. Let me see now. Dude, I don't understand. Are you five feet tall? I'm shrinking. Oh, yeah. Why is the camera pointed like that? It's another picture of Josh

where you look like a fourth grader on his way to t-ball practice. Or some reason they must have had the camera really tall. Oh, here it is, Josh. Here's your license. You like have none. Josh, you have like none of your shoulders in it. What's going on?

Yeah, it's weird. There's a lot. So the background. as blue. There's a lot of blue space above me, isn't it? That's so weird. It looks like I'm standing on my tippy toast just to peek through a window or something. It does. It looks like you're peering into the window of the girl you have a crush on in third grade. The last picture, like I was telling you, neither one of us, Josh, we're not terribly photogenic. But I'll tell you, my current, ask me, if you see me out Summers, ask me to show you my driver's

license photo. Oh, I look like a lot. I'm taking my last breath. I do remember being very tired that day. I mean, I remember being just about out of gas when they took that picture of me. I was fading in and out of sleep there, hanging out waiting for my turn. We're not photogenic in different ways. Like, in my photos, you're different. Because you look, you always, it gains, you gain weight in photos and age.

In person, you don't look the same. Do I look the same in person? Maybe with a less dumb. Yeah. Oh, I don't look the same? I was curious. Yeah, you do. You look the same in person as you do in photos,

just more uncomfortable in the photo. If it's possible, if it is possible for you to be any more uncomfortable, it's when a picture is taken of you. So yeah, but you do look the same aesthetically. Yeah, aesthetically. I do not. No, I don't. I agree with you.

It's weird. It is weird. I look very, very different in pictures. I do look much fatter. I think sometimes pictures make Josh look thinner than he is. Yeah, maybe just a little bit. But you do look, at any rate, I have a friend who, and I thought he was kidding until he showed me, he took his driver's license photo at some point or another while wearing a priest's,

what do you call this? Collar? Yeah. Yep. He put on a priest collar for his driver's license photo. Are they calling him father at the DMV or what? He thought he could benefit from it maybe in a pinch. That's hilarious.

I suppose they're probably not going to. going to ask you, like they're going to see the clerical caller or whatever, and they're not going to say, are you really a priest? I had, I asked, I had a, applied for a credit card, and the guy on the phone's like, well, what do you want it to say? You know, and I said, well, I'd like to say Dr. Bittney, if it could. And he's like, okay, cool. I'm like, well, wait, I'm not a doctor.

You know, I was worried, is this credit card fraud? He's like, it doesn't matter at all. As long as your name's in there, I'll put whatever you want in front of it. So for a while, I had a Ph.D. Nice. For you, Jeff, congratulations. I want to do that. That's hilarious. All right. Back to this kid.

Well, not a kid. He's 26 years old. He's taking his driver's license test. He's driving around with the driving coach. You know the gimmick. Driving coach is grading his every move. He wasn't doing very well. So much so, the cops pulled the vehicle over. And they found out that the guy behind the wheel was driving high.

He had weed in his pocket. He was arrested. Now, here's my favorite part. His friggin' mom was in, No. Oh, God, Mom. Mom was involved. Says here, the police arrested stupid ass, obviously, and then returned the vehicle to his mom who was waiting back at the damn DMV. So can you imagine that mom was waiting to see her son jump out of the car and say, I passed, but instead the cops have to tell her that the prick is in jail for driving while stoned during his driver's license

test, the story does note that his mother was, quote, shocked. I was going to, I was predicting the mom was going to be stone, too. I drove my mom's car to at the driver's test, and I almost failed because of it. The guy was, he was kind of a jerk about it. He's yelling at me about, I mean, legitimately yelling at me for bringing that vehicle there because it didn't have shoulder belts. Oh. Just had the lap belts, and I told him, like, well, this is how the car came.

I didn't build it myself. So he had to go in and, like, talk to a super. supervisor and say, can I pass this guy? He brought the wrong car. And the person there's like, well, yeah, you know, he didn't design it. If it came that way, what are you going to do? Yeah, go get a different car. You guys have to buy a new car. I'd never heard that before.

Like, nobody said beforehand. I wouldn't have known Dick Tracy. I remember that, like, certain things had to be working correctly when I took it. But my, like, driver dude, the guy that rode with me when I did the test, he was wearing driving gloves. It's very interesting. Oh, cool. I've always wanted driver gloves. Yeah, and then he like... Maybe he had psoriasis or something, I don't know. I don't know. He made me do a weird handshake afterwards.

You did a weird handshake with a man wearing driving gloves? It was honestly a pretty weird experience. I definitely should have failed. The parking was not... I sucked at the parking. I hit two cones and he still passed me. Again, cute blonde. Cute blonde. You forget. You forget. You You live by different rules, Ashley. I don't know why we have to do this every time. It's just, this is ridiculous.

Then he made me do that weird handshake. And then he watched me jump into the arms of my boyfriend at the time because I passed. So he was in love with you. That's kind of like a vibe I was getting. He fell in love. And I think he was, he was angry afterwards. It was weird. He followed that guy home for sure.

It was. On the topic of day one. the day you get your driver's license, the greatest story of all time on the topic of the day you land your driver's license. It's funny, it just came up at the bar last night, a kid I grew up with, lived out in the boonies, out in Corkerin or something. At least that used to be the boonies, not anymore.

He was a terrific youth rassler. And he had an older brother, and the two of them would get up at four o'clock in the morning right before school and wrestle each other up and down, practicing to be state champions. And they were very, very good at it. They were top youth wrestlers. As you can imagine, that created some long days for this kid. So he goes to school, had an appointment to take his driver's license test at, you know, four in the afternoon. He's been awake for 12 hours. he takes the test he passes his parents are there they put him in the car and say congratulations kid

we'll see you at home and mom and dad drive away in one car and he's got the other finally freedom day one as a driver he falls asleep behind the wheel on his way home and gets in a terrible car accident oh no is he okay everybody okay yeah everybody was fine a couple people die but he was you know but he was okay he was okay he was okay oh thank god No, nobody died, but it was a horrific. He fell asleep behind the wheel on his way home, went through an intersection, total disaster. Oh, no.

Ashley, yes. What do you mean I look thinner in pictures? Are you saying I'm a little chubby? No, I was so afraid. I got a little worried if you said that too, Ashley. I didn't get to explain it afterwards. I'm just kidding. People are texting in saying, hey, you should call her out on them.

No, no, no, no, no. You just, sometimes in pictures, I'm like, Jesus, Josh, doing okay? Yeah, my wife had sent a picture to my brother. It was a bunch of us kind of out doing something, and my brother asked, was he diagnosed with something? Why does he look so thin in that photo? He looks sickly.

So I know what you're talking about. You're certainly heavier now than you ever have been. But the reason why you look big in pictures, the reason why you look big in pictures is because you're always wearing a t-shirt, a hoodie, another hoodie, and then a North Face jacket. You know what I mean? You got layers on. I'm experimenting with layers.

You will not expose any of your body no matter what the temperature is. Oh, no, no, no, no. All right. Not going to do that. Oh, and especially if you're wearing the big baggie basketball shorts, too. That kind of adds to it as well, just because they're so big. You would think it would make me look heavier. But it doesn't.

It makes me look thinner, you're saying. Yeah. You know, now that I'm not so much of a hopeless drunk anymore, I do miss cab drivers. I used to take cabs everywhere, and over the years I had some really fun experiences with local cab drivers. I had a couple of terrifying events, but mostly fun. I've only ever used an actual cab when I was in Chicago, and it was like, whatever. Yeah, I've only been in two cabs my entire life. Oh, wow.

Now I usually just drive myself because I'm usually not drunk, and I never really thought I'd be able to say that out loud, that I'm, quote, usually not drunk. Yeah. Do they still do the... Oh, hail the cab. Or is it all like just Uber and Lyft now? Oh yeah. You know, anybody that can whistle real loud? My aunt could.

My aunt was awesome where you put like your index finger and your pink ear. Yes. I'm so jealous of those people. I've never been able to do it. So she could hail a cab from two counties away. Cool. Actually, I can't answer your question if there are still halleable cabs or if it's all Uber and Lyft.

I don't know. All I know is for a stretch of time, I had a blast. Okay, look out for this here, cab driver. If you ever find yourself in Spain. he doesn't take any nonsense in his taxi cab. He doesn't stand for baloney. What movie? 651-989-93-93.

The first to answer gets all the respect in the world. 651-9-9-933-93. The line is he doesn't stand for baloney. I think that movie changed me, by the way. Changed you? Yeah, changed me. one of the actors in that movie, the actress. It woke me up to something.

You can let us in on this when the... Josh got a boner is what it sounds like. Bingo. I'm checking the text message. So, if I have the right movie, I guess. Yeah, you do. I hope you don't. He does.

This almost plays itself out like a bar joke. A Spanish taxi driver punched the piss out of a drunk Irishman. because the Irish feller, a tourist visiting Spain, burped in his taxi. And yes, the correct answer is weird science. Kelly LeBrock. Ooh boy. Thank you. Trying to see who the first one was that answered correctly.

Oh, she's gorgeous. Yeah. I mean, the cover of the movie. I mean, just her, everything about her, the way she carried herself, the way she talked. If your last four... Got pretty big boobs, too. Yeah, that's boner-inducing. They were moderate boobs.

If your final four digits are 094, you were the first to correctly answer. The movie was weird science. The Spanish cab driver is a 51-year-old. The drunk Irishman is up and around 65. A couple weeks ago, the cab driver picks up two hammered Irish tourists out front of a hotel. Take us to the pub, they said. The cabby allowed the boys to jump in. He threw her into drive, and off they go.

Along the way, one of the two Irishmen caught loose with a halacious burp. And the driver pulled over and said, get the F out. If it was, like, absolutely ridiculous and over the top, I understand. Yeah. It's disgusting. Yeah, get out. He said, this isn't your living room. This ain't the pub yet.

Bight that down. This is where I friggin' work. You shocked us with a burp this week, and it even shocked you. Yeah, I don't often burp. Almost never. The gas never escapes my body properly. I probably need to see a physician for this, but it all kind of hovers right around the center of my chest.

I can rarely get it out, but I did burp, and it was surprising to everyone in the room. It was funny, you're like, I don't know, I'm so sorry. I don't know why that happened. I never do that. So the cabby says, get out of my friggin car. Apparently, once the Irishman got out, the cab driver got out two with them,

and slugged the burper guy, right in his gas hole and the poor bastard rang his skull off the curb and he was tuned up. Good. The Spanish police arrived shortly thereafter they saw this Irish drunk

broken in half and they arrested the cab driver. Doesn't put up with any baloney. Ashley, you're much more chill about that kind of thing nowadays, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's because, I mean, I had to say I used to not be able to say the word burp. He used to, like, gross me out so much.

You couldn't even say the word much less be around one. But then I said it, like, 150 times a day for, like, six weeks straight. Exposure therapy. Yep. And it's also, like, adorable when my child births. How does that come out of you? You're, like, 20 pounds, dude. I always thought it was cool when, like, you'd have a girl like your size, a smaller girl that could just bring it with some of the best.

For whatever reason, I was always impressed. Oh, my wife's one of the best in the state, for sure. Is that right? Oh, absolutely. I knew a couple of girls growing up that were pretty good. Here's a listener who texted in to say, I can quote full scenes from weird science, and I don't remember that baloney scene.

Well, looks like I'm a bigger fan than you. It looks like you're not the weird science fan that you thought you were. It's when Wyatt's grandparents show up at the party. You'll remember it now, I think, when I bring it up. Wyatt's grandparents show up. Lisa, the woman from outer space or whatever, the woman they created, she had to freeze grandma and grandpa and put him in a closet until the party is over. Now you got it, right? Cool.

One of these now. Here's the deal. A dude claimed he was injured on the job, you know, so he could sit at home and collect that friggin' awesome workers' compensation. It is pretty awesome. But then someone caught the peckerhead snowboarding. A private investigator caught. Yes, a private investigator caught this guy

pretending he's Sean White out there on the snowboard track or whatever it's called out there on the ski hill. He must have been milking this for a while then because why would they take weird? See, I wasn't aware of this either, but apparently this is quite common for insurance companies to hire a private investigator to make sure you're telling the truth about your workplace injury. I was unaware until I read this story, but they call it commonplace these days, which is hilarious to me. We have a listener that does that for a living. Fun. Out there looking for insurance. I think that would be an enjoyable job.

You know what? I mean, honestly, think about how much you pay for insurance, and a lot of it is because of people like this. Yeah? So, yeah, I was unaware. The PI, as they call him in the business, the private investigator, in this particular case goes by the name of Brandon. He told this story on that TikTok setup. He was hired to keep an eye on this some bitch, hired by an insurance company, to make sure this guy was telling the truth about his injury.

And there he found him out on the, you know, he followed him around town and watched him take his snowboard out the trunk of his car and go do some ollies and some tailfish grabs out there on the... That's the worst place he probably could have been found. Like, that takes... Everything's got to be working. Brandon, the private investigator, admitted that this was a fun case. And like you guys were saying, it does sound fun, just kind of sneaking around, following people, busting people for being stupid. It sounds fun. I imagine you're not the most popular guy in it.

town in some situations. I imagine you do not get the satisfaction of like going up to them and being like, ah, gotcha. No, probably not. They probably want you to stay, what's the word, incognito. Yeah, I would think so. It says here, in some at-work injury cases, investigators will even show up at your door, pretending to be a salesman just to see if you're walking around or if you're limping or

whatever the situation may be. Now, there's a lot of people who don't like this gimmick at all. They think this is really shady and really silly that insurance companies are watching us in that fashion. They'll look through your stupid social media stuff. They'll look for anything that contradicts your injury story. Fraud. Josh.

Did you know that there's hard fraud and soft? S-A-W-F-T-S-A-W-F-T-S-W. fraud. Now, hard fraud is deliberately faking an injury or staging an accident. Soft fraud is more common and that involves exaggerating a real claim for a bigger payout. Both are illegal. I had workers comp once. I didn't deserve it. I tried to say, you know, I don't need this. I sliced my finger real good. I got a really big scar from it, like down to the bone. You know, there's not a lot of meat on there. I remember your finger-cutting story. And it never hurt.

You were cutting up vegetables for the folks at the good earth. I was sharpening a knife, right? And so I just got, basically, I was done with it, and I cut, it was terribly bad. The only reason I noticed, there's blood everywhere. It never hurt. What did they offer you? So the way, and I don't know if it's different now, but so you work in food service, even if I wore a glove, they didn't want me there just in case, you know, any platelets

landed in somebody's plate. And so they based it on my previous two weeks of work. Now, at the time, I had three jobs, and I only worked there, like two, maybe two nights a week. So you weren't getting rich. Well, so, but the previous two weeks, there was a couple people who were out. Oh. So I was working basically full time at that job, and they based it on that. And I had to tell them, like, hey, you guys know, I'm not putting in these hours.

Yeah. Like, I'm fine, but no, they paid me for that. they paid mileage to and from the Walgreens to pick up like the whatever I had to put on there and they paid for that too and you had to stay at home for a couple weeks yeah and getting paid and it was like it was a nice deal but at the same time I felt incredibly guilty because there's people that actually get hurt on the job and that was I had to get stitches but outside of that it wasn't bad at all so like I said there are people who really don't like the idea of

insurance companies hiring private investigators and here are some of their comments. And this makes sense to me. One particular person said, Bro, that's how we started it off, which lets you know that he's serious. Bro, not every injury hurts every day. Some days I can work out.

Some days I can't even get out of bed. So you see what he's saying there? If a private investigator sees me on a good day, oh, now I'm a fraudster, right? But if he sees me on a bad day, they would believe that I really did hurt myself. Other people say insurance is fraud. Insurance itself is fraud. Anything to deny a claim, right?

Insurance companies are only good. Insurance companies are only good at marketing, collecting premiums, and denying claims. So there's a big fight happening here. Oh, I understand that. I don't have any positive feelings. towards an insurance company, but when you think about it, I mean, folks that do their kind of thing are raising your insurance rates. Yeah, I know a couple people that should probably be investigated for that.

I know a guy. Well, he's passed on now. One of my heroes growing up. Hilarious dude. God rest his soul, I miss him every day. He heard his back truck driving. And, oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I wasn't lying right there. He did often hurt himself at work. He did collect workers' comp a few times, but that wasn't the situation here. I've almost ruined the story. One day, this old pal of mine, he is outside. It's 105, 106 degrees, one terrible summer day years ago. Wicked hot outside, and he's building a deck in his backyard. And next thing you know, a news van.

from Channel 5 pulls up. And they say, hey, would you mind if we talk to you? Here it is this wicked hot day and you're out. We're doing a story on the weather. Would you mind if we talk to you about here you are out here building a deck on this brutally hot day? And he says, yeah, sure. So the news guy interviews him back and forth.

What are you doing? Can you believe this heat? Typical type of a report. They wrap it up. And as the news crew is loading up the van, they're leaving. My old buddy says, you're not going to run any of this, are you? I'm on workman's comp. Oh, no.

And they all kind of looked at him like, and he says, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Why did you make us go through that? At first, is he that big of a dumbass? Oh, you cut your finger, huh? Yeah, I mean, shoot, like I said, that should have went to somebody who deserved it. And, you know, it sucks, too, that they have to do this because if you legitimately are hurt and some people are texting in there, some bad stuff happened, And like then they're, you got to deal with being, you know, maybe accused or they're suspicious of it.

It sucks because there's those folks out there. Lady Boss Mama 5 said she works in the insurance industry. And it definitely affects rates. And it's kind of by your area, she said. So she says it's according to zip code. So she's saying if there's a lot of fraudsters in your neighborhood that makes your rates go up? Yeah. Oh, wow.

Stupid. I know our rates went up because there was a couple of, of hail storms in our area and one time our house was affected and another time it wasn't but even the second storm that didn't affect us raised our rates you think that money should have gone to someone who deserved it huh absolutely like i said it wasn't bad it was they told me it was just like a cleanliness thing or a health thing for customers deserves got nothing to do with it what movies 651 989 933 Sports on the 93X

Half-Ast Morning Show Finally, finally Somebody broke my record And I had no doubt It was to be you, Kirill And I would to congratulate you And wish you many more goals, many more points,

but most importantly, many more wins. You know that your fans love you, but you know that your teammates and your trainers also love you and go out there and try to do what I couldn't do for the state of hockey and that is to win the Stanley Cup. Minnesota are great people and they deserve Stanley Cup.

So go out there and go get it and go wild. Jesus, that was a battle. Well, English isn't his native language. Marion Gorbiak. He also didn't help that he filmed it in a moving car. There's old Marion congratulating the Russian kid on breaking his franchise goal. record the other day. Ah, by damn. It seemed like just yesterday he was a rookie, skating around, favoring his hip. Oh, he always had something wrong with his hip, Marion Gourbiac. That's very nice of him to do.

Yeah, very cool. Very nice. Unforgiven. Before we went to commercial or whatever we did a few minutes ago, I challenged. I've got movies on the brain this morning. I feel like testing everyone with movie quotes. I left you with a movie quote, deserves got nothing to do with it. What movie six, five, one. Sam was the first of many listeners to answer correctly, unforgiven. Another great movie. You'd be William Money out of Missouri, killer of women and children. That's right. I've killed women and children. I've killed just about everything that walked or crawled at one time or another,

and I'm here to kill you, little Bill, for what you did to Ned. Josh, call me a cowardly son of a bitch because I just shot an unarmed man. I can't say those words. Just do it. Can I say it to somebody else? Say you are a cowardly son of a bitch. Just call me a cowardly son of a bitch because I shot an unarmed man. Somebody might describe you as a cowardly son of a bitch, but I wouldn't.

For what reason? You just shot an unarmed man. He should have armed himself if he's going to decorate his saloon with my friend. If I had flowers, I'd throw him at you. I'm going to end up in the emergency room. Yeah, probably. Do you want me to take you? Yeah, you get a punch on your card.

I know where they are. You know people over there? Yeah. She's the emergency room plug. She's got her regular room. See in the emergency room. That's another movie quote. I got to stop. Before we go any further, at 7.30, we'll give you a rundown on all the jibber-jabber from the state tournament.

Everything that happened yesterday, everything you should be expecting. today, the state high school hockey tournament, the boys version, of course. The U of M gals hockey team is dealing with a playoff game tonight against Ohio State. Golden Gopher dudes start a what I believe will be their final. Does every team make the Big Ten hockey tournament? I don't know the rules. I think so, yes. This is their final regular season.

A couple of games, they fire it up at home tonight against Michigan State, who I think is number two in the country. Wolves are playing at home tonight. Randy Shaver will be here in a half hour job. Josh has some more news for you here in a few minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune-tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me, don't wait for the first. 80 degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list

at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealky. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw. That's b-I-A-L-K-E-L-K-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-K-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-R-E-E-E-R-E-E-E-S-E-E-E-R-E-E-E-R-E-E-E-E-R-E-E-E-E. And if you need help, we could recommend to shop for you. Ask for O'Reilly Veriscan today. Oh, oh, oh, O'Reilly. The 93X half-assed morning show. I was in shock. Of course, I couldn't sleep all night because it was just unimaginable, unimaginable.

This is a story about how sometimes irony can be a real jerk, like just a massive butthole. A Colorado man who fought to get a traffic light installed at the intersection where his wife was killed in 2020. 24, died Monday in a car crash at that same intersection because they never put the light there. Oh, Christ. The 82-year-old who launched a petition aimed at getting lights installed at the deadly intersection, lost his life Monday in a two-vehicle collision.

He was on his way to meet his cousin for lunch in South Denver. That's who was talking at the beginning of that clip there. Back in May of 2024, the man's wife died at that same intersection. That morning, the pair set out for a little exercise. He hopped on his bike. She was headed out for a run along a different route. Then a car struck her. After her death, the distraught widower started getting petitions ready, calling for a traffic light at that intersection. Here's a clip from a few years or a couple years ago where he made that case on the local news. Due to the death of Andy, I've been thinking of how much it means to me going forward that nothing like this ever happens again. Unfortunately, it did and it happened to him. Nearly two years later, the issue remains unresolved and there's still no light.

Dang. Some neighbors have argued against it contending it isn't needed and adding a light would lead to increased traffic on residential streets. A Greenwood Village spokesperson said the city continues to evaluate that proposal, which has the blessing of the Colorado Department of Transportation. In the meantime, they've increased police patrols and traffic enforcement in that area and are reviewing potential long-term solutions. So dude and his wife, she went first, both died in the same intersection. Two years apart. Two years apart. That reminds me of this old couple.

Hard to believe, but I was there. Old couple, they've been married forever and ever and ever. The old lady died, and at her funeral service, the pallbearers are carrying her casket out the church, and they knocked into a wall and the body spilled out onto the floor and the lady came alive again. It was unbelievable and she lived for two more years. She lived for two more years.

She dies again. So I'm at her funeral service again and when the pallbearers picked up the casket, the husband said, for the love of Christ, look out for the wall. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, Josh, either situation. It's too bad for... I thought the guy'd be excited that she came back to life.

But in the end, he was not. Texas authorities investigating a collision had to leap out of the way when an intoxicated driver barreled into the scene and ran over a man lying in the roadway. Naturally, you'd assume she killed him, but she didn't. The man was already dead, likely from the first car that had hit him. Or maybe it was the second. Either way, Spears wasn't driving either of them.

She was behind the wheel of the third vehicle. Oh, my God. The poor guy. The incident began Friday night in San Antonio. A 61-year-old man was walking across the street when a passing vehicle clipped him with a side mirror, knocking him to the ground. God, that would hurt. Moments later, another driver approached and didn't have time to react. Investigators secured the area, covered the body, and began examining the crash site. while deputies worked, a third vehicle suddenly came onto the scene.

That driver was 26-year-old Tione Spears. By this point, the man had already been struck once, then twice. And from there, oops, Spears did it again, running over the body of a third time while deputy jumped out of the way. I've been doing this job 33 years now, and I've never heard of somebody barreling through a crime scene like that, and running over a dead body which is already in a roadway, Salazar said. That's the sheriff there. Is this just a case of people not paying attention? Well, in her case, she was drunk.

Oh. It sounds like the second car was pretty quick after the first. So it was just, yeah. It was kind of like a bang-bang situation. Spears is accused of driving while intoxicated, abuse of a corpse. Oh, no. And possession of a controlled substance. Abuse of a corpse.

That's terrible. That's not one you want on your permanent record. I took too big of a hit. A high-ranking Jersey City official now running to be a town mayor has been reassigned after humiliating footage showed him using his position to try and get a drunk driving arrest, get out of a drunk driving arrest. And bizarrely, out of nowhere, he admitted to cheating on his wife. I kind of think he was bragging when you hear what he said. Oh, no.

The candidate currently running to be mayor of West Orange, New Jersey, was working as a deputy chief of staff to a former Jersey City mayor when he was questioned after his Cadillac SUV crashed into another car. It's, it's, this is like, this is like political f*** back. And your registration insurance is in your vehicle? Yeah, yeah, it's not fair. It's not fair, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl. I hear you. He's very likable, as you can hear in the clip.

Girl! I'm the effing deputy chief of staff of Jersey City, he arrogantly told officers before he was handcuffed for refusing to follow orders and hauled away in a police car. One cop replies sarcastically, you can be the effing president, you're still drunk. He also name dropped working for Steve, referring to the outgoing mayor,

and demanded that they call the city's director of public safety right now, because he'll straighten this out. Oh, he called him by his first name. They're buddies. Exactly. I bet he never used the former mayor's last name because he knows him by Steve. Yeah, I'm sorry.

Yeah, you might recognize him as the mayor to meet you, Steve. Right. We hired all of you, he told one arresting officer at the scene. So he's just doing everything wrong. Yes. Yeah. Every. And it's so bizarre to me that these frigging people really think this is going to leave a mark on us.

Like we're going to say, oh, well, you're right. I didn't realize who I was dealing with. But they all do it. We hired more cops than any other effing administration. It's not fair, and you know it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Shockingly, he also decided to tell officers out of nowhere that he cheated on his wife with two beautiful women.

Oh, God. He later whines that his boss was going to be very angry and suggests that he was politically targeted by police over the mayor's failed gubernatorial bill. He's just hitting every douche target imaginable. Every thing that we hate about this entitled group, he's hitting every mark. This is effing bull-ass. Now keep in mind, he's drunk. Steve doesn't effing win the election and effing this, he told an officer. The meltdown continued at the police station where he was a pain in the butt there too,

refusing to take a breathalyzer test. If I'm any county politician in Jersey City, then I get effing off, he said. If I'm an elected official in the state of New Jersey, who effing does this? I get off. This is far of my job. Please allow me to do it. Thank you. I move cops.

I understand. I love cops. Those cops weren't good cops. You guys. Phil. Good cops. Can you allow me to read this to you, please? I love how bored and annoyed that cops.

I'm so tired of it. I couldn't understand. What was he saying to them? He loves cops. The cops that arrested him were bad cops, but the cops that were in there in the room with them were good cops. Despite the charges against him, the release of the embarrassing video, his reassignment from his current position, and the fact he has now known nationally. as a giant douchebag and a court date later this month. His campaign for mayor of West Orange,

the township of about 50,000 people, 12 miles west of Manhattan, appears to be forging ahead. Wow, that was fascinating. It really was. I don't think I've ever heard one as thorough as that. Yeah, it's like there's a playbook, and he studied it more than anybody else.

Just kept going and going. And again, they continue to think that this is impressive, that this is going to work somehow. But I guess it's the alcohol. I hate to blame the alcohol because I'm a fan of drinking. But you have to factor. You're right, though. That was like a greatest hits album.

Oh, yeah. He hit every single one. Hell, yes, he did. Yeah, and maybe he's a different guy when sober, and this is totally not what you'd expect from him, but he shouldn't be drinking, at least that much. Certainly not drinking and driving, obviously. The son of an Indiana mayor was arrested Saturday evening

after he was found behind the wheel at a McDonald's drive-thru, dead, drunk. According to police, 35-year-old Christian Robertson decided the most restful place in Elkhart, Indiana, late Saturday night was the driver's seat of his Kia Optima positioned neatly between takeout windows at a McDonald's drive-thru. Not quite parked, just lingering in the lane designed for forward momentum and french fries.

When officers pulled into the lot just before 3 a.m., in response to a medical emergency, they found a dazed Robertson in his car. Officers noticed he was exhibiting signs of possible impairment when he woke up from his slumber. They had him complete field sobriety tests and a breathalyzer, which showed he was twice the limit. His parents, Elkhart Mayor Rob Robertson,

and his wife, Regina, confirmed their son's arrest with a statement. So tonight his father, again, the mayor of Elkhart, Rod Robertson, sending us this statement about his son's arrest, saying in part, Regina and I love and will support him unconditionally. through this difficult time. That being said, driving under the influence is dangerous and unacceptable. We believe in accountability, and our son will face this matter through the appropriate legal process.

Yeah, we'll see about that. Christian was arrested and charged with operating while intoxicated. Yeah, I wonder if he's going to get a little special treatment. I just turned around in my chair here for a second because I thought somebody was taking a tactical position on my six. It's my jacket. Oh, my God. You thought somebody was...

I knew you, Dore. I'm a little embarrassed at how startled I was just a second ago by my very own jacket. Yeah, who gets startled easily? My gosh. Ashley didn't just make me almost crap my pants during the last commercial break or anything by barging in my studio. I didn't even barge in. I just opened the door, man. It felt like barging to me, Ashley.

What happened? Oh, I just had to tell them something quick. It wasn't like anything serious at all. The process of obtaining a diamond usually comes down to, four familiar sea words, cut, color, clarity, carrot. But in the U.K., one crook, a bit of a sea word himself, if you don't mind me saying, added a fifth. That's the harshest I've ever heard you.

Oh, with the C word? You just made a reference to the C word. You know what? I even thought maybe I shouldn't make a reference. Not like you. I'm trying to change my image, be a little more edgy. Okay. I'm kind of the bad boy around here.

It's a bad boy radio. I got to keep that up. He added a fifth C to the mix while trying to get his hands on. a diamond, that fifth C was a chainsaw. Footage shows the man pulling out a rather persuasive piece of power equipment outside Garnier's Jewelers in England on Monday morning, while a cohort hovered helpfully behind him brandishing a machete. The crook then powered up the tool and began carving his way into a glass display case.

He kept at it until the case finally broke open, then reached inside and grabbed whatever glittering goods he could gather. Kind of interesting tools for a jewelry heist. Yeah, I'm with you on that. No one's got a ballpene hammer in the garage? I mean, it's kind of cool in a way. Sure, of course. That's why it came to my interest.

At one point, the robbers were confronted by someone, apparently unimpressed by the impromptu lumberjack routine. The accomplice stepped forward and responded with a menacing motion of the machete, however. You'd think with a chainsaw on a machete, there's no way you can't look cool, and until you hear their getaway plan, moments later, the pair jumped onto a moped and sped off. authorities are still searching for those suspects. They got away on a moped?

Yeah. I like mopeds. I always wanted one. I got no problem with mopeds. I'm a moped enthusiast I was for decades. I'm just shocked that they got away. Don't be so sensitive, Ashley. It's kind of tough.

She thought I was attacking the legacy of the moped. No, I didn't. I just wanted to share my joy with them about them. They're great. I always wanted a moped. But yeah, when you have two grown men, one with a chainsaw, one with a machete getting on the same moped. I think you do lose a little another C word, CRED, in my opinion.

Chris Ed. If you're heading to the 93X Twin Cities takeover tomorrow night, which you should, happening at Target Center, you can start your evening early at Glick's restaurant and bar from 4 to 6 for a 93X pre-concert party. Located at 1st Avenue in 6th Street in downtown Minneapolis, Glicks's Kitty Corner from Target Center, making it the perfect stop before the show. Moped parking out front. Yeah, there probably is. 93X will be there handing out prizes and sold out Twin Cities takeover pit passes to see three days grace, eye prevail, sleep theory, and the funeral portrait.

So it's the only way to get in the pit. As I mentioned, it's sold out. I checked online those pit passes are going for $400 on the second-hand market. Is that right? So that's a pretty cool prize right there. No doubt. You can find all the info on tomorrow night's pre-show party and all things Twin Cities takeover at 93. That gap.

Ted, season two, debuts today on Peacock. That's a fun show. I absolutely love it. Heck yeah. The Teddy Bear? Yeah. That show was way better than it probably even should have been. Oh, absolutely.

I found it more entertaining in the movie. I thought it was going to be terrible. And it was anything but. I didn't know that he was still in operation, Ted, the Teddy Bear. Yeah, he had a television show maybe last year. I'm not sure when the last, maybe even two years ago on Peacock. It's entertaining. It's a prequel to the movie, so it's Johnny when he was in high school.

Johnny's the character of the Mark Wahlberg plays in the movie, so it's about him growing up, and it's a lot of fun. Hall of Fame wide receiver, Michael Irvin, turned 60 today. Puk. Six-foot-six magician of Penn and Teller, Penn Gillette, the one who talks is 71. Oh, wow. Happy birthday to one cool lady, Stacy. She's got a birthday today.

Shout out to our boy, not munching or shrimping Jesus going on vacation this weekend to celebrate his girlfriends, 40th. and his 50th. Fun. Happy anniversary to Kari and metal hand finishing Jesus. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. Not allowing any free passes.

Oh, wow. We've got some swinging down in the paint now, and tempers have flared between Houston and Cordasia Harris. They're having to separate the players and bring them back to the bench. And now that will probably end up being technical fouls and problems. We see an official down on the floor in the paint. Oh, my God. There you go. Welcome back to the program, Randy Shaver. Good morning. How are you?

We're doing all right. Something terrible happened during a ladies' college basketball game. There was a brawl, Randy, between the gals playing for South Alabama and the gals representing Coastal Carolina. This is the women's sunbelt tournament over that way. All the fierce rivalry. Oh, fierce as the day is long. eight players were ejected. A referee got knocked on her ass and required medical attention. It looked to me like she might have fallen asleep, you know, gone to sleep,

knocked out before she even hit the court. I agree. Look, on the way down, it seemed like she had. Oh, she took an elbow trying to separate the. A referee got knocked down onto the, a sheriff's deputy had to run onto the court and try to pull these people. A frigging cop had to run on the court and separate the gals from this women's college basketball fights. I don't know.

We're running hot these days, Randy. What's spark that? There was some chirping going on, I guess, throughout the game. It looked like it was just, somebody must have said something, because it was tough to tell in the video. Like, nobody pushed anybody that I noticed. Must have just been some words that went kind of crazy. Just the rivalry.

That's what happens. Yeah, they were running their yappers. Let's begin today's adventure, Randy Schaever, with the winners and the losers. from yesterday's set of Class A hockey games at the Boys High School hockey tournament. You didn't happen to watch this on your phone or anything cute like that.

I did not. No, I did not. I mean, it was on here and there. I didn't focus terribly hard. Hibbing slash Chisholm defeated Dodge County. I think those guys are the favorites to win Class A. I'll go ahead and back you on that comment. Matamidae over St. Cloud Cathedral.

And I found out, I know a lot of you are hanging on this information, my buddy's squirrel. Josh, you and Squirrel fell in love at the Legion. He's a big fan of how you operate on the radio. I love that guy. He's so cool. Yesterday I said, I think that Squirrel scheme might have gone to St. Cloud Cathedral. He texted and said, no, he went to St. Cloud Tech. Tech.

Maybe Apollo. He said, stop talking about me on the radio. Yeah, Randy, me and Squirrel hit it off at your bingo event. That's the first time I had a chance to meet him. Which was a great event. I hope we do that again. That was fun. We just had a meeting last night.

We were discussing further Legion events with the Randy Shaver Cancer Research. Delano took down Mancato West. What? What? Yeah. All right. You thought all they could do was milk cows out there in Delano. Those tigers are amazing.

They can skate a little bit. I got a text man. message earlier that says LFG Delano Tigers. You know what LFG stands for Randy Schaber? I do not. Let's F and go. There you go. And the letter, the text, I should say, is signed from a Delano High School teacher. Oh, cool. I'm very proud of her students. One of the teachers, one of the teachers texted in to say LFG Delano. Teachers always loved when The basketball team or the hockey team makes it say tournament because it makes their day a little bit easier. Sure.

All the kids are gone. Who won the late game last night? War Road! War Road. I suppose for the kids whose parents wouldn't let him go, they're just going to watch a movie. Oh, yeah. So everybody wins. Toss a movie on.

That was always the best when he had a substitute teacher. Yep. My dad's go-to is always remember the Titans. Throw on a remember the Titans for the kids. Oh, yeah, because he was a high school teacher. Yeah, Randy Shaper. War Road went ahead and shut out the North Lakes, Northern Lakes Club by a final... Is that your buddies team?

Yeah, an old pal of mine's got a kid on the team. They didn't get on the board last night, Randy. They didn't. Long drive back to Peacquot. I'll tell you that right now. Well, they get consolation, don't they? They get a chance to play again. Oh, they'll play again.

Yeah. So now, tonight, today, I should say. today into the evening. Yeah, the AA games kickoff, starting with Minnetonka and Gentry Academy. Sounds fancy. Rosemount Grand Rapids. And the night session goes more head, Lakeville, Southern Edina Andover wraps things up. Let me tell you something right now.

If I was a single guy, I'd go to the rink tonight. I'd go to that adina cheering section and find me a, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, a rich divorcee with a heart problem. Yeah, you kind of had like a couple of rules passed down generations of the born family, and the heart problem with a rich lady was, that's a big one for you. You think that'd be a prime spot tonight for a single guy?

Go to that adina cheering section, find yourself a rich divorcee who's on her way out. Yeah. That's living right there. Yeah, yeah. It should be very exciting tonight. Very exciting. Saw our bro, Kevin.

Kevin Gorg calling some games last night. Tom Chorsky. Sweet Lou is all done, though, right? Yep, sweet lose all done. Who am I miss? Nobody better than Sweet Lou. No, no. I miss his style.

You know, you can still catch him now and again. He shows up now and again on a pitch. Biggs broadcast. Yep, yep. But yeah, he was such a big part of the state high school hockey tournament. Now, speaking of high school hockey, what do you mean? And here's the sad part. He would have loved the weather this week in Minnesota.

That was the reason why he decided to retire, basically. Yeah, didn't he have a car issue? You had to pull over to the side of the road? His car crapped out on him in the middle of the drive back in a terrible snow event. and he just said this is it, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I'd offer to drive him to him from the arena if he wants. Oh, I think a lot of people would have done that for him.

A lot of people more qualified than me to do that. Did you ever play hockey, Dana? No. Lou Nanny don't want you driving him anywhere. He's got nothing to say to you. I'd bore him with stories about me watching Mighty Ducks and playing Wayne Gretzky 3D hockey. No, he doesn't want to hear about Mighty Ducks. He doesn't want to hear about your soccer game.

Oh, this is interesting, Josh. A listener has woken me up to something. I might be a target if I was to hang around the ring tonight. I might be a target for some of the women because I have a lot of money and a heart problem. Oh, yeah, shoot. You're also very desirable. Oh, is that right? Yeah.

The problem is you're not a divorcee. Not at the moment. He's been hinting around. Oh boy. What did you call me desirable? Yes. That's going to get me through the rest of this broadcast. Now, speaking of high school hockey, by God, I bet we'll get a reaction out of this from our listening audience.

There's a story going around social media about a set of parents who offered their talented hockey player kid. Kid made the traveling team. I don't know how old the kid is. enough to, you know, speak up for himself. I'm going to guess like a junior high age kid. The parents offered this kid $20,000 to not play hockey. It probably felt like they could save money. Right.

It was a bargain. That was an investment on their part. They said, we will give you $20,000 cash, kid, if you quit hockey and remain away from hockey. because they assumed $20,000 was about what they would spend on this kid if he continued to play the game. We've had many conversations on this program about the cost of youth. What did he do? Did he take that? He said no to the offer.

He said he wanted to continue playing hockey. Wow. Tempting offer. Yeah. Geez, that'd be tough to turn down. As a teenager? My God. But I suppose his parents have bucks and I'm sure, you know, he's not.

Oh, yeah, maybe he's negotiating. Oh, you think he's wanting to get more? Uh-huh. You never take the first offer. Whoever spilled this story, no, that's good advice for a young person. Never take that first friggin offer. Let his folks stew on this for a little bit. They'll come back with a better one.

So the gist of this conversation on social media, a lot of parents talking. about how fed up they are with youth sports, the cost, the schedule. Says here, a survey found that 75% of parents have considered pulling their kids out of sports completely because of the cost and the time commitments being simply too much. They offered this kid 20 grand, and he said no. Well, it depends on the sport, obviously. Hockey is a very expensive sport because.

It's not only about the equipment, it's about the ice time. It's about the travel. So it's a little bit different than a basketball team, depending on whether you travel and all that kind of thing. But still, it's a very expensive proposition. We are down this road and we are not going backwards. It's not going to go away because it's a big business. Okay, wait a minute.

misunderstood, and I'm receiving some text messages now that are straightening me out, and as I'm further reading this story, I'm being straightened out, the parents didn't assume 20 grand was going to cover the rest of this kid's hockey career. It says here that 20 grand is what that family assumed they'd spend in one hockey season. I received a couple of texts. Are you friggin' playing with me? I thought you said that. Maybe you didn't. Yeah, for the year, they expected to spend 20 grand. And here's a listener who texts. sit in and said 20 grand is basically what I spend in one or two years of my kid being involved in hockey.

That's... How do you do that? That's ridiculous. That's insane. We had to turn down a $2,500 softball club team, and we were kind of treated like the worst parents in the world. We're like, $2,500. That's so much money.

20,000? That's not. I didn't know what was that out of hand. We have a mutual friend. Didn't they go to, like, take their kids to Sweden or something like that for a hockey team? Was it Sweden? Yes. It was sweet, big stubborn bastards from one end to town to the other.

It's bad enough, the ones who have come here, to go to full-on Sweden? I bet that was miserable. It says here we can do more arithmetic on this. I had no idea that it had gotten so out of hand that if your kid is damn good and making traveling teams and taking these out of time, I had no idea it was up to 20 grand a year or near there. It says here the average family spends nearly $900. a year on one kid's sport. Factor in siblings and the fact that most kids play different sports each season,

the bill gets into the thousands. Okay, I was wrong. My wife texted said that softball club team we turned down was 5,000. For some reason, I remember it is less. 5,000 bucks. Here's a listener who says, and that's why rich kids play hockey. You know, I was hanging out with some fellas the other day, or the other day, last summer, nearly a year ago,

I was hanging out with some fellas from Coon Rapids. And I know what you're saying. And you made it out alive? Yes. And one of them said, one of them was around my age. And he said, when I was going to Coon Rapids High School in the 80s, he said the rich kids played hockey. The poor kids, I think he said, were in the auto club or something like that.

Yeah, it does seem like it was always the rich kids that played hockey. Oh, without a doubt. As bored as my parents were watching me play soccer every weekend in the summer, I bet they're damn glad I picked that instead of hockey. Well, my kids, my kids, I have no kids. My parents were the furthest thing from Rich, which is why I always were in awe of the sacrifices they made for me and my twin brother to play hockey at the same friggin time,

often on different teams. One night my mom would be driving me to, let's go ahead and say Coon Rapids, the same night my dad is driving my brother to Apple Valley. My brother could never make the A-team. So, I mean, I knew it was a lot of money. No one is that naive anymore, but I wasn't thinking 20 grand a year. This texter said, I know a guy that pays close to $40,000 a year for a 16-year-old to do traveling soccer.

Most of the traveling is outside the United States. Oh, my God. That's ridiculous. I was kind of surprised at softball tournaments, like the one we would do in South Dakota, that there was people from all over, you know, I think the furthest was maybe some parts of Canada. but I was surprised that there's people from out of the country that did that. I can't believe how many out-of-town trips, little kids hockey clubs take these days because I have friends who have children playing youth hockey.

It's just a bunch of little kids squirts or whatever. Yeah, we're going to Chicago and then we're going to Canada. Why? Yeah. I will say this. I had both my boys played travel basketball, and both played on teams. In fact, I coached a team that went to nationals in basketball. The expense obviously is there.

Now as they look back years later, what did they get out of it? They got out of it was the relationships with those kids. That's really it. Neither of my boys went on to be NBA players. Oh, far from it. I've seen him in operation. Far from it. Yeah, he talks about a lot.

They were poor athletes. really when I saw them. But the only thing they got out of it were their relationship with those players. And actually, my oldest son, Ryan, his relationship with one of his coaches, who passed away about three or four years ago, was a special relationship that he always, you know, treasured. Yeah, hanging out with your bros, fitting in with the in crowd. Yeah, that whole thing. It's like going on a vacation, basically. You've got the pictures to remember, and they had their relationships. You know, the basketball didn't get that much better. They, you know, they didn't become great players. But what happens is, Nick, these coaches and these organizations basically tell you that if you

don't do these things, your kid's going to fall behind. Your kid's not going to be able to compete for this position. They're not going to be regarded as a varsity player. All those kind of things. And so many parents have such a massive erection with that idea in their head. Oh, my God, my kid might play varsity. Right. And again, looking back, I mean, that's not true.

You know, if your kids went and worked out every day or just played, you know, pick up basketball or whatever, every day. Went out and worked at home. They don't have to travel somewhere. their chances of making the teams are probably just as good as others who did all those other things. People are, but our parents, but the parents that can afford to do that and take their kids, it's the experience that they're getting. Right.

And it's the relationships. That's really what you get out of it. Parents are texting in about gymnastics and dance, and I've got friends whose daughters are in both, and that's true. Some of the gymnastics tournaments are all over the country. People are saying like between $5,000 and $10,000 a year just to be in gymnastics or dance. This is hilarious. Also received the text from a listener.

We're talking about all these out-of-town tournaments that kids do these days. I mean, we always had one or two. Grand Rapids, Rochester, Duluth, Rochester, Duluth, Grand Rapids. That was kind of our tour every year. Now, again, these are squirts. These are little kids. They're going to, you know, Kansas. Kansas City, and they do this multiple times.

I don't get it. This is great. At Lister said, what really drives him nuts, again, let's use the example of Coon Rapids. I've got Coon Rapids on the brain. He said, my kid plays for Coon Rapids. We'll go to friggin' Chicago for a hockey tournament. And our first game is against Anoka. We could have done this at home.

We could have done this five minutes from my frigging door. We got a hotel. We got a gas money. Back to Randy's point about the experience. I completely agree with that. And I think about that anytime you hear those stories about a parent blowing up at a referee and causing the scene, when I think back to all the travel soccer and basketball tournaments I played in,

I don't really necessarily remember wins and losses. If I sat down and really thought about it, I could remember. When I think about it, I remember the time with the boys, you know, hanging out at the hotel, goofing around in between games. those are the memories that really stuck with me and the bonds that we formed. So you're completely right on that point, Randy. So, okay, so we can sit here all day and talk about, oh, gymnastics costs this, hockey costs this, football costs this.

It's all ridiculous. We all know that. The story began by saying that 75% of parents have considered pulling their kids out of sports completely because of the cost and the time commitment. Text us if you've done that. That's what I'm interested in right now. If you've told your kid, look, we can't do it. you're out.

I think there's a difference, though, Nick. I think you're talking about pulling them out of the travel part of sports, right? Oh, any sport. If the kids had a local place to go play or whatever, you're not telling the kid, you can't go do that. Either way. It's the travel part of it that is so expensive. Either way, if you've had to tell your kid, look, sorry, you can't play. this or that because of the time issues and the money issues,

I bet that's a very difficult thing to do. If you've been through that, 651-9-9-9-33-93, I'd love to hear how that. I'd tell you who would benefit a lot by something like this, is if there was an organization that could just do open gyms. I use basketball as an example. an open gym where you can just for two hours

during maybe in the summertime instead of traveling or in the springtime if you had an open gym where kids could go come and play pick up basketball maybe there's a small feed $2 or whatever

I think that kids would benefit from something like that I mean we used to all I mean I grew up you just went to the park I mean, that was, and you met 15 of your buddies at the park, and you divided teams and you played. And that's what we did every day in the summertime. Not all of them, but some of the celebrity camps, like local athletes, are pretty inexpensive.

And they'll also have for folks that have, you know, have some income that isn't maybe as much as some of the other parents. They give them a break, which I thought was really cool. You know, and quite a few of them are like that. People are also texting about BMX being in the $20,000 year range. Motorcross, we've heard that before, how expensive that is. Man, that wasn't even an option for me. Somebody all says they pay $200 a week for daycare, and the kids could just play outside for free.

Why are they spending all that money on daycare? Yeah, just build a fence and let the kids roam around the backyard. Open the door. This is funny big. Well, tell you what, $200 a week for daycare is cheap. It does not cheap. There's people that pay thousands a month. I can't even imagine.

Oh, yeah. Multiple thousands. Well, yeah, I mean, there's people that, you know, one of the spouses will quit working because the cost, kind of just pills on. That's what we did. Yeah, there's no way my wife could make enough for it to be worth it. Yeah. Big bearded Jared must have

a child in the house. He's a regular listener. He's got a couple of them. He said his father-in-law keeps bringing hockey gear over to the house for the kids and Jared keeps throwing it away. Listen to this. Okay, I'm looking for people who have actually pulled their kids out of sports because you

had to. And I totally understand why. I'm sure it was very difficult. We just had to turn down leagues more than anything. Certain ones are way more expensive. Yeah, you're just kind of turning down opportunities that, you know, it's unfortunate, but that's, but there's always another way to find something else. You know, I just, I have to believe that there's enough kids out there that they wanted to get together to play, just to play, because that's really what your kids want to do.

They just want to play. That's, you know. Horseback riding. That's another one I would have thought of it. Oh, that's a rich person sport. That's from Boner-Grower, Jesus. Hand a kid of beer. Yeah, get him into drinking early.

You forget all about his. Kill all motivation to go play sports. Yeah. All right. Golden Gopher Dudes Hockey begins their final, final regular season series tonight at home against the number two ranked school in the US&A. That's Michigan State. That's tonight and tomorrow night on Channel 9.

The U of M Gals hockey team is dealing with the WCHA playoff. They play a game against, as Lou Nanny would say, Ohio State tonight. That's Fox 9 plus one of the all-time, one of the all-time great coaches slash characters in football history. Lou Holtz is gone. Yeah. Passed away yesterday at 89 years old. Lou Holtz obviously had a short stint with the Gophers, 1984 and 85.

I was lucky enough to just started working. care when Lou showed up. I put something out on social yesterday. Lou Holtz sold, they sold out a spring game at the Metrodome when Lou Holtz was the football coach. Yeah, it was very exciting. Think about that for a second. Spring game.

They sold out a spring game. The Metro Dome, too. Yeah, the place was sold out. That's the kind of excitement that we. brought here and unfortunately obviously didn't stay long because the Notre Dame job came up. But he basically, you know, he turned things around in two years. John Gutakunes took over for Lou when Lou left and they won that bowl game against Clemson and Danny Ford.

And that kind of started things off for gopher football that time period because Lou replaced Joe Salem who struggled as the head football coach near the end of his tenure at the U. When Lou went on to Notre Dame, that's when he became a household character. He was already very successful before that, but yes. Yeah, it's true. Won the national title in 88 with Notre Dame. That was the season that included the famed Catholics versus Convix game against the University of Miami.

And if you haven't seen that 30 for 30 on ESPN, that's a really good one. Oh, that's wild. That's the great line, right? Lou Holtz, after the skirmish before the game started on the field, and they go into their respective locker rooms before the game starts, Lou has the famous line where he says, you have an afternoon to play the game, you have a lifetime to remember the game.

But he goes, do me one favor. Save Jimmy Johnson's ass for me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that, if you watch some of the clips of that, all the players, because the players thought they were going to get admonished by Lou because Lou was a strict, you know, disciplinarian. They got into this big skirmish, you know, big national news already about the skirmish. And he thought they thought he was going to yell at him about doing that.

and instead he said that line. I saw a clip. I forget the player. And he said, as soon as Lou said, you know, save Jimmy Johnson's ass for me, the whole locker room knew, oh, my God, we're going to win this game. They were ready to run through a brick wall for the guy. Exactly. Hilarious, too, the thought of Lou Holtz getting in a fist fight.

He probably would have struggled with a fourth grader. He was the smallest guy. He was. He left his mark. He left his mark. He loved him or hate him. He did. A lot of folks hated his guts. I had a chance to interview him a couple of times, just one-on-one. It was awesome. He was so good.

So nice, very kind. You know what he was into? He was into magic. He was. Watch the clips on social. There's some social clips out there of him doing the famous tearing of the newspaper magic trick. That was awesome. I'd never seen that before. I watched the video this morning. How the heck did he do that? That was great. He was a magic enthusiast when he wasn't involved in football.

He and Flip Saunders. Flip Saunders, same way. He was very into magic. Some videos resurfaced yesterday when Lou checked out of him doing the newspaper. Oh, God, trick that Josh was just referencing where he tears up the newspaper. And then, boom, it's fully intact one second later. It was a message that he always sent to players to teach them. to let critics or negativity tear them apart. Just like any other newspaper.

You have front page for people want to read the news. You have the comic for people can't read. And you have the editorial page for people can't say. But you can't let people tear you up. You can't let people destroy you. You can't let people say, you aren't going to be great. Don't ever let anybody tell you. You can't do something.

Did he? My personal belief. Is there any obstacle that's going to keep me from being successful? Difficult, you're doggone right. That's why so few people achieve success. Don't let people carry up. Yeah, okay, we get it, Lou. You got to hear the ending, though.

To lose the faith in college. No way. Somebody said, how did I do that? The reaction was pretty good by the players. Oh. Does he not sound like a character from the Wizard of Oz? He had the most unique delivery, a lot of saliva. All right, I got a story for you.

I got a football story for you. You know how a lot of NFL players are total dicks? Some of them, certainly, yeah. They think they're better than everybody else and that consequences don't apply to them. I'm sorry, but it's true. A Boston restaurant owner is pissed off at the New England Patriots for acting like entitled Dicks.

Apparently after the Patriots won that AFC title game, in Denver this year. They came back into town and threw a porty, as we say in radio. They threw a party. And they never paid the friggin bar owner because they're a bunch of dicks. That's bogus. The name of the joint in Boston that simply wants their damn money. The name of the joint is Estella's.

It says here an unspecified number of Patriots players headed over there after they defeated the Broncos in the AFC title game. Word is the players were openly smoking queef. I mean, geith. There were a handful of naked. naked gals running around the joint. This isn't a topless bar. This is just a restaurant.

Players thought the rules didn't apply to them, as usual. It says here that the owner of the joint tried to get these idiots to leave. They wouldn't leave. So the restaurant was cited for operating after legal hours. They got to be closed by two. The players wouldn't leave. It's pretty frustrating.

They're smoking weed indoors. They're scissoring with topless women. Are you kidding me? Jesus. The guy who owns the joint, last name of Brando, he said he was powerless. He said there's a sense of entitlement that these players think they can do whatever they want. He claimed that the players were bringing in their own booze, bringing in the topless dancers, and he would say, no, no, you can't. They just walk right by them.

They left without paying their tabs. And he said there's a chance the restaurant could lose its liquor license because of this gang bang here. that's nice isn't it thanks for coming in guys congratulations good luck in the Super Bowl so my question is why didn't you call the cops I don't know he's trying to be a nice guy I would imagine

he probably tried to keep it in-house who's going to call the cops on their own bar when there's weed and topless women in there yeah that's a good point you gotta be nuts that's what they sounded like from all that weed uh I don't even want to talk about the rest of the New England Patriots stuff because, you know, I'm the guy that always says,

we need to let these players go. You know how here in Minnesota we can't let a player go? Decades later, people are still wondering, well, you know, if we still had this guy, still had, so I don't even want to bring up the rest of New England Patriots news, but you guys know what it is. Don't bring up. No, no, I'm good. I'm not going to. Hell, I read something or another yesterday that said the Vikings are in such a panic to find a live human being who knows how to play the quarterback position. They've been asking around about a dude who retired a year ago. Derek Carr. Derek Carr, yes.

If we're going by handsome, the handsomness scale of who's available, he's the guy. He wants to come out of retirement, he said. Now you've got a crush on Derek Carr? Well, of all the ones they've thrown out there, he's the prettiest. When I come back, the answer obviously is yes. Good, okay. Great. But I had to

say no a couple times so far. Yeah, Will, we know that. But do I have any purple and gold? Go Lakers. Oh, yeah. I was just, that's what I mean. It's Laker season. So he's hinted around. Maybe the Vikings. What the hell was this guy doing, Randy Schaeber? For the second time in a year, Atlanta Braves outfielder slash designated hitter Jurekson ProFar is facing a suspension from Major League Baseball.

Is this official? Is he suspended for the whole season? Well, they're appealing at the end, the Major League Players Association is peeling it. Well, that won't work, right? Yeah, that won't work. And he's basically, I think he's basically done because he was suspended for 90 games or whatever it was. last year and then turns back around and gets suspended for the entire season. Yeah, who's going to trust this guy from here on out?

Yeah, exactly. So what an idiot. I mean, you know, and he puts the Braves in a terrible position because now they've got to figure out something to do, you know, figure out their outfield situation. Jesus, what's this guy doing with his free time? Is he taking stride? Rachel and Strahl or something? Where is he taking?

Yeah, I don't know. God, the side effects of Stry, Richland, Oh, geez. He's one's worse than the other. He's basically just, you know, he's not a superstar player either. So it's not like his performance has been greatly altered by whatever he's doing. The drugs aren't helping. I thought he was kind of a big deal.

So he pissed positive for something. He'll have to forfeit the entirety of his $15 million salary that the Atlanta Braves were going to give him in trade for playing baseball. baseball. Last year, he pissed positive for, I'm going to try my best, human chorionic gonadropin. Gonad is the first part of that word. Gonadropin, which is a hormone typically made during pregnancy that can encourage testosterone production. Don't get it. If you have a guaranteed contract, who cares?

Do you know anything, Ashley, being a formerly pregnant woman, do you know anything about gonadrapin? No. Maybe if I see the word, it's so. I understand it'll put a little hair on your ass cheeks. It'll put a little unwanted hair on your ass cheeks, Josh. Did you grow up with like your dad or uncle saying that about certain foods? Yes. Of course. Hair on your chest is what they do. I've heard people say that. That'll put hair on your chest. Yeah, the skin of a baked potato. I remember that one.

What are my favorite things about, as you guys know, it wasn't often that my first folks provided the kids in their family with a meal. But when they did, when any older member of my family wanted the salt, what did they say? Passed the salt. Didn't happen in your family? No. Pass that silent killer over here. Oh.

No, I hadn't heard that. Pass me that silent killer. That was the nickname for salt in our family. The world baseball classic is underway. if anybody cares. Team USA plays Saturday. Has anyone get involved in the World Baseball Classic? Nope. I think I'm interested.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I've watched a little bit of it before. I mean, you know, yay. World Baseball. The Wolves are... Is my boy Scubble pitching on Saturday?

I don't have a freaking clue. I don't have a frigging clue. But I would imagine he'd be their top option. Would he not, Randy Schaber? I would think so. But maybe since they're playing Brazil, who likely sucks at basketball, they would throw some other gibrony in there. I don't know.

I'll have your update on the World Baseball Classic by tomorrow. Okay. That's a promise. The wolves are at home to play the Toronto Raptors tonight. The wolves have been on a bit of a role. I wonder if they're as unfamiliar with the Toronto Raptors as the rest of us. I don't know. Is Vince Carter still playing?

Yeah, I don't know. Chris Bosch. Oh, Chris Bosch. Tracy McGrady? Oh, yeah. Well, no, let me try this. Scotty Barnes, top player for the... Brandon Ingram.

Brandon Ingram. Grady Dick. Grady Dick. Yeah. Grady Dick. He's a backup. Wolves Raptors tonight. I love this comment from Rudy Gobert.

I'm starting to fall more and more in love with Rudy. I know he's quirky and French and everything, but I'm starting to fall more and more in love with Rudy. I'm sorry I missed this yesterday, but before the game against Memphis the other night with Kyle Anderson, slow-mo back in the mix. someone said someone someone from the media asked rudy gobert what is it about Kyle Anderson that you're excited you know what part of Kyle Anderson's game has you excited that he's back with the Timberwell and Rudy said I'll be honest um Kyle is just someone that's looking to pass the ball to actually pass the ball to his teammates oh wow yeah he said just pass Wow.

Yeah. Wow. He says it's simple, right? But it's true. He's a guy that will actually pass the ball to one of his teammates. I'm digging this angry, passive-aggressive-aggressive Rudy Gobert routine. Oh, man. Well, here's the deal.

If they're going to pass you the ball, then the deal is you've got to catch it. That's the first hurdle for Rudy Gobert. And then if he actually can hold the ball in his hand. You're not going to catch it. Right. And if he does actually hold the ball in his hands for longer than a second and a half, he's got to figure out what to do with it from there. Exactly.

And that can be a real battle for Rudy Gobert. And you've got to remember, he tried to punch Kyle Anderson and the yapper a couple years ago. Famous little... Well, Kyle probably bitched at him that if I'm going to throw you the ball, You got to catch it. Yeah. They had a little court side scrap years ago. We say all that, but without Rudy inside, the timber wolves would be in trouble.

So we do appreciate what Rudy brings to. Oh, of course. He does bring some things that nobody else on that team can do. Absolutely. Yeah, he's got a thing. He's got a routine out there that we appreciate. appreciate. Wasn't someone just saying the other day, something about how awesome it is when a backboard

is shattered by a slam dunk? Yeah. I mentioned I saw it happen in Egan High School back in, like, 1996. A Richfield High School kid shattered the backboard the other night on an Alleyoop dunk. Dramatic moment, too, it put his team up by 39 points. Oh, they really needed that. That's just more of a pain in the ass at that point. But you're right. It was very cool to watch. I saw the video a high school kid, you know, getting up for an alley-up and he just disintegrates the backboard.

They did have to call the game. I mean, they were up 39. But congratulations, Gideon Horn. You're the, you're the Shaquille O'Neal of this neighborhood. You're everywhere on the internet with that backboard. That kid's not going to have an issue finding a prom date. Dude. Yeah, he'll do all right. Did I mention he played for Richfield? Did I leave that out? You mentioned that. No. Yep.

Richfield is a number one seed in Section 6 AA. Sorry, West Tonka. Sorry for the beating you took the other night. Richfield beat West Tonka, like I said, by 39 points, and they called the game early. That's just got to be so demoralizing. Not only getting your ass kicked or they call the game after a guy shatters the backboard on an alley-oop.

Those kids are going to have a hard time finding prom dates. Yeah, we aren't talking about parents and kids and youth sports. You know, your dad goes to take a piss. He comes back. You've already got your bag over your shoulder ready to go. Your dad says, I went to take a piss. There was nine minutes left in the game. What do you do?

Oh, they called it. Dude broke the backboard. We're down by 39. Just give me a ride home. Just give me a right home. This is what I spend my money on. Why did you cheat on mom? And the dad's like, I went to take a piss.

The whole night went to hell. Now I got to explain why I cheated on mom. Before we go, Randy Shaver, here's something that Cubby and Dana will have to explain to me. Because I never saw it. There's a kid. Well, he's not a kid. He's 35 years old. An actor who portrayed a soccer player on the show, Timmy plays soccer.

What the hell's in the... Ted Lassau. Oh, great show. There's a kid. Again, 35-year-old, sorry. I keep calling him a kid. He was an actor who pretended to be a soccer player on the Ted Lassau show, who now is trying out to be a real professional soccer player, and it sounds like everything's going well for him.

He goes by the name of Christo Fernandez. He played the role of Danny Rojas on the program. You'd love him. Yeah, he's great. You would really like him. He played a little, you, soccer. You know, high-level. youth soccer, but then he goes

and chases his dream of being a Hollywood actor. He does the Ted Lassau show he decides, I want to make another run at this. So it sounds like if you bother watching pro soccer for any reason, you might see the kid, the dude,

out there doing it for real. Football is life. Football is life. Yeah, I love him. Me too. This is the most positive energy I've ever seen. I agree. I don't watch soccer, but I'd watch him play. He's cool. He's got a great head of hair on him. Yeah, he does.

Yeah, that's fun. I think if you watch Ted Lassow, you'd love that character, Nick. Oh, I know. I'm sure I would. I just... And it's coming back this summer. Yeah, for season four. Yep. You watched the show, Randy Schaber, Teddy, and the Lasso's?

Randy. Did he lose Randy? Says he's still on the line. Are you telling me that we lost our positive energy guy? Randy. Do you Paul's sleep? I thought he... I thought I just heard him make noise.

I'm not worried about it. He's down there in Florida. We'll talk to Randy tomorrow. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer.

I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off. an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead.

Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law to. Today, 763-571-2410, or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Vince Colon-Aze is redefining news talk. I'm Vince Colonais, host of the Vince Podcast. I'm bringing you the truth beneath the headlines of all of the nation's top stories.

In-depth interviews. We feature newsmaking interviews with the top guests on the whole planet. And I'll ask the questions you only dream of other interviewers asking. And a front row seat to the most. important conversations of the day. It's a show with an obsessive focus on what's good for America. You are going to love Vince. The Vince Show.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93X. The home of the half-assed morning show. Oh, my damn. We're doing our best to bang Thursday's brains out over here. We know you're doing the same. Welcome back to the Half-Ass Morning Show. A handful of minutes ago, we were talking about a

high school basketball game. Lopsided game. Richfield versus West Tonka. Kid from Richfield goes up for an alleyup dunk, shatters the backboard, disintegrates the backboard. They had to call the game. They had to call it.

What the hell are you going to do? You broke the friggin. Richfield was up 39 points in that game against West Tonka, and the referees just said, piss on it. Games over, right? Got a text message. I got a text message here from a listener who says,

sorry, West Tonka, as much as you really want to rename yourselves, you will always be Mound. I guess maybe you've got to be from the West side to follow that. Is there a rivalry? No, just we all think very little about Mound if you're from that neighborhood. What time is it then, Josh?

Yeah, we weren't aware of your geographical roughness between the two. By the end, of today's program. We'll give you sorry suckers, another shot at tickets to our summer showdown. We're calling it the half-ass morning show Summer Bash. Oh, I'll tell you this right now.

Creed's going to be there. Bush. Tim Montana, any relation to Joe or Hannah? Tony? I'm not too sure. Tony? I'm going to have to familiarize myself with his work. So I'll recognize a song or T. We're cutting loose with this party at Mystic Lake

Amphitheater, Thursday, July 16th. Now, keep in mind, there is a pre-sale today. If you have the password, 93X H-A-M-S, which stands for Half-A-S morning show, but that's not important, 93X-H-A-M-S, that's the password starting at 10 a.m. You can get your hands on some tickets a little early. Regular Dicks, don't get a crack at it until tomorrow at 10 a.m. Half-ass morning show, Summer Bash, Creed, Bush, Timmy, Montana. Come on.

July 16th at Mystic Lake Amphitheater. Dana's going to dump a pair of tickets out there around 9 a.m. You'll get your chance. Just keep your drawers on. Do you remember, Josh, back in the, I suppose, late 90s into the 2000s, Hollywood was obsessed with turning old beloved television shows into theatrical movies. Like, for example, the break. Breddy Bunch, which I thought turned out to be wonderful.

I really enjoyed it as well. I loved the television show, and I thought it was going to be terrible, the movie, but it was great. I love the Brady Bunch movie. Some other examples would be Mission Impossible. Oh, yeah. I think people forget that started as a TV show. Would that naked gun count? Yeah.

Yeah, sure. It's like the Adams family. The original naked gun was a show called Police Squad. What did you say? What did you say? Adam's family. Adam's family. Did that start in the 90s?

Star Trek, especially in the 90s and into the 2000s. They went ahead with Starsky Plus Hutch. The 18, I mean, this. Did they do the 18? 18 move, X-Files. Charlie's Angels? There you go.

Oh, I forgot those. There you go. Those are actually decent. Oh, yeah. They were much better than I thought they would be. I've only ever seen the movies. Oh, sure. Were you too young?

Of course you haven't seen. I liked when they did this kind of stuff with, like, I guess, like, cartoons I watched. They used to do that on Disney Channel all the time. What did they do? So, like, shows like Sweet Life of Zach and Cody, Lizzie McGuire, stuff like that that I used to watch. They turned those shows into full-blown motion pictures? Yeah, they would make, or, I mean, full-blown, I feel like isn't the correct term. Theatrical. We were talking theatrical.

Yeah, they'd just make, like, a movie that you'd, like, say, like, The Simpsons. Oh, yeah. Hey, there's Simpsons. I love that. I absolutely love this. One of my favorite movies, too. It's great. The Simpsons movie?

There's a couple scenes in there that got me. When Homer's doing the double middle finger, I laughed my ass. Actually, I saw the Lizzie McGuire movie in the theater the day I came out and guess who I saw it with? Who? Whoever else was in the theater that day, it went by myself. I love that for you. How old were you at this? Me and Hillary Duff are the same age, so 15, 16.

Oh. What movie did you say? The Lizzie McGuire. movie. I loved Lizzie McGuire. So, a lot. Wow, more than I really anticipated. Oh, some texts are coming in, Baywatch. Oh, sure. I never saw the movie

or the shows. A lot of television shows have been re-imaged as a full-on, full-blown, theatrical release. We've mentioned a lot of pretty big hits, really. Brady Bunch was a big hit, Mission Impossible, massive Simpsons, massive. Massive.

there were some turds, at least according to what I'm reading. No one seemed to like the theatrical version of the Beverly Hillbillies. Oh, that was pretty right. I like the TV show. I don't recall. Even as a kid, I was like, this is pretty bad. With the exception, of course, of that actor who I can never come up with his name, the very German name, Gunther...

You're talking about in the movie. Gunther Frankfurt, whatever. It's the most... No, his real name. He's an actor named. Gunther Berlin or something as German as it can get. He is such a... Didrick Bader?

Deidrich Bader, yes. One of the funniest character actors. He is in Beverly Hillbillies, and he is wonderful. Everything else sucks about the Beverly. What else did they do? Leave it to Beaver. That went nowhere. Yeah, that one's tough, too.

So... Adam's family? That was mentioned already. Oh, it was my bad. It sounded better when you did it. When you did it was much better. It's a Brad Rider thing. Yeah.

So it seems... It seems at least that damn near all of them have been done. But there are still a few left. These were old television shows that everybody liked, but they've just yet to get twisted all the way around into a full-blown movie. They never got off the ground. You know, there were plans. Never went off the ground.

If you got any ideas, oh, here's another example. Chips was turned into a movie. Dennis the Menace to Flintstones. My God. Oh, I haven't seen the Chips movie. If you have any... Oh, I saw a little bit of it. It was just absolutely brutal.

Pretty bad. If you have any ideas of a television show you liked that has yet... You know, has yet to be turned into a real movie. Go ahead and text us. 651-989-933. Here are the ideas that I have in front of me. Here are the shows that I have in front of me. Six million-dollar man.

I bet they could turn that into a really cool special effects-driven movie. Yeah, it sounds like a franchise even. Yeah, apparently Mark Wahlberg has been actively trying to make a movie version of the $6 million man for years and years and years. Something about the rights, you know, go sideways and it just falls apart. But I bet that would be very, I mean, you never know. It could turn out to be a turd, but there's great potential when I think about the idea of the $6 million man turning into a real movie. When we were kids, my brother and I never missed the $6 million. dollar man.

F me run in another actor's name. Lee Majors. Lee Majors was such a pimp. I know a guy named after Lee Majors. His mom found him to be quite foxy. So he named for some leave. Air Wolf, somebody recommends. I'd watch that movie.

Are we sure that was never turned into a movie? Airwold. Maybe it was. Let's see. I'll Google that. Air Wolf, sure. That was big at my junior high. Okay, Magnum P.I. It was remade as a new television.

show. I know there's a current Magnum P.I. There's a couple of those. But it's never been made into a theatrical release. Medical device, Jesus said that Dexter. I should make the Duxter series into a movie. That would be great. I'd watch that. A couple people are saying supernatural. I agree with that. Vince Vaughn has been contracted to play

Jim Rockford in a... Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't even mention this yet. So Magnum PI, we agree that. Fine. I was never a big Magnum PI guy. I like... Oh, I loved it. I thought it was silly. But sure, that's a good idea. Sorry, I skipped ahead. The Rockford Files.

Now, that was big in my household as a kid. James Garner. My God, what a great actor. What a great guy. James Garner played Jim Rockford. Now, Vince Vaughn has been signed up to play Jim Rockford many times, but it's just never, you know, they couldn't quite launch the sum bitch proper. I just rewatched modern family.

I would love to see. And I still want more of it, so that'd be pretty cool if they made a movie. That was such a great chill. Oh, it's so good. Gilligan's Island, it's truly kind of a real quirk that Gilligan's Island was never turned into a full movie. Apparently, Michael Sarah, that skinny kid. Yeah, I love him. He's from this movie and that movie.

Michael Sarah has been fingered more than once to play Gilligan. Never happened. Sherwood Schwartz, the guy who created Gilligan's Island, before he died, publicly pleaded. Well, maybe he's still alive, but I thought he was dead. Publicly pleaded with Michael Serra to play the role of Gilligan, and he sure is built like Bob Denver. Definitely.

I could see him being the bumbling. Welcome Back Cotter, late 70s sitcom. Apparently Ice Cube has been dying to make a movie version of Welcome Back. cotter, but again, it dissipated. I personally don't need a movie version of Mr. Ed, the Talking Horse. I don't know, Mr. Ed. What would that movie be a boat? That talking horse.

I mean, there's plenty of talking animal movies. Oh, God. So I'm sure that could be pretty popular. I bet it would. Kids would love it. I've never been a fan of talking animals. This looks awesome. I need to watch Mr. Ed. I've never been a fan of the talking animal or talking baby movies that just aggravates the piss out of me.

But let me tell you more here. Apparently, this was huge in the 60s. Some dork named Wilbur owned a talking horse and he kept it a secret, right? That was the basis of the... In 1995, Kelsey Grammer, another one of my favorites, there are very few comedy actors ever with the talent that Kelsey Grammer has in his left nut, for Christ's sake. one of the greatest. Kelsey Grammer was looking to jump from TV to movies. Someone pushed a script in front of him where he would play Wilbur in a movie version of Mr. Ed. He thought it would be too stupid, so he went another route.

He went ahead and made Down Periscope. Never saw it, but I know that was Kelsey Grammer's first movie. Yeah, I would turn that down too if I were him. My first movie role, you want me to play alongside a talking horse? horse. I think that would have a great way to start things. Here's another old sitcom. We're talking about old sitcoms.

Old television. Sorry, it doesn't necessarily have to be a sitcom. Old television shows that have yet to be made into real motion pictures. But yet ideas come up constantly in Hollywood. Scripts are written and it just never gets off the ground. This one is an interesting one whenever it's brought up. I never really got involved in Hogan's heroes. My dad thought it was the funniest thing in the world.

I know a lot of people swear by Hogan's heroes. I never cared. I liked it. But Mel Gibson apparently had plans to star as Colonel Hogan. He was going to finance the movie. It went to hell. The Partridge family? The Traveling Family Rock Band?

I bet they could make that funny and silly like they did with the Brady Bunch. Definitely. Susan Day, was that her name? gorgeous gal who starred on the Partridge family but that was never one that I got into Gomer Pyle um Gomer Pyle was terrific um I'm trying to see was there any uh just after the movie versions of the Flintstones there was a movie company called Savoy pictures that announced that they were going to do a Gomer Pyle movie deal fell apart Laverne and Shirley.

At one point or another, Jennifer Garner and Jessica Beal were selected to play Laverne and Shirley. I'd watch that movie. Oh, God. Jennifer Garner's great. I don't know too much about Jessica Beal, but Jennifer Garner. Jamie Fox wrote the script. That's a funny guy right there. Yeah, he's awesome.

But no further progress was made. So I think those are all pretty decent ideas. I think I'd go to see all of those with the exception of Mr. friggin' Ed. I'd see Mr. Ed. It's like my favorite one on the list. Ashley, in your weed smoking days,

you would have love getting high and watching Mr. Ed. I freaking bet. Mr. Ed talking horse. Maybe I wouldn't be so afraid of horses if I saw Dr. Mr. Edmore. I didn't know you were afraid of horses. They're just really big. There was a couple other on the list I like, too.

Quantum Leap. Oh, I didn't see that on the list. And the greatest American hero. Oh, I had no idea. I didn't see that. Those two would be good. You know, what's funny is my wife just pointed out to me a couple nights ago. The dude who played the greatest American hero, I'll never come up with his name.

But he was also in the movie Carrie, the original Carrie. He was the guy who took Carrie to prom. What's his name? William Cat, Cot. That son of a bitch just turned 70 years old or something like that. That blows my mind. Oh, we love that. Greatest American Hero show. It didn't have a long run, did it, Cubby?

No, not too long at all. But it was, I really liked it. I mean, and the song, the theme song. Oh, the theme song was so good. It was a top 20 hit. And it made, you know, made a reference on Seinfeld. George, if you're, if you watch Seinfeld, you're not familiar with the greatest American hero, George's outgoing message. Believe it or not, George is not home. That's from the greatest American hero. And, you know, I've told you this before. There have only been two people I've ever met in my life who couldn't wait to watch Quantum Leap. One of them was Josh. The other was my late mother.

Oh, really? She loved Quantus. She loved Scott. Bacula. He's the best. Dukes of Hazard has been done. I'm reading through text now. Everyone's texting in their thoughts on what television show they'd like to be turned into a full-blown movie.

Boy, Duke's a Hazard, if they could make one that was like the show, you know, with a couple of characters that were that cool, I'd really enjoy that. Busom buddies, okay, they did Dukes a Hazard, gun smoke, wow. Oh, wow. My dad would love that. Kung Fu. Kung Fu was never made into a movie Three's company. I don't know if they could do it. I mean, is there somebody that could play Jack Tripper?

Dude, good question. I'm sure there's an actor we're not thinking of. Oh, they'd call Jim Carrey, but he's 65 years old. Now, I don't know about a younger actor who could pull off what, I mean, what's his name again? You just said it. Jack Tripper. Well, his real name. he's dead now john ritter john ritter was incredible so talented it's such a shame he died

uh so young dukes a hazard that brings up one of my favorite stories jesus how long ago did that disaster come out starring johnny knoxbill and that dude that i don't like sean william scott you don't like sean william no i don't oh i think he's awesome jessica simpson was hot and everything burr reynolds was in it too yeah i know but bert was just there to sell tickets uh i'll take sean Scott over, who's that other dude? Oh, Josh Hartnett. I'll take Johnny William Scott over Sean Hartnett any day. But anyway, one of my favorite stories

connected to that movie, I knew a gal and a guy, knew them both very well. They decided to go on a first date together. And we were all kind of interested in this, our friend group. Oh, Donnie's going out on a date with Missy, you know. I wonder if that'll work out. A couple days after their first date,

I run into Missy and I say, hey, I heard you went out on a first date with Donnie? How'd it go? We're all kind of interested in whether that this works out or not. And she goes, I'm never seeing that guy. I'll never go out on a date with that guy again. I said, what happened? He said, he took me to go see Dukes of Hazard, starring Johnny Knoxville and

Sean William Scott. And she said, the movie was so friggin' stupid. But yet Donnie laughed his balls on the entire time. And she said, there's no way I can go on a second date with a guy who found that movie funny. What was the movie you were laughing at that the person you were with didn't find funny at all? Shoot. Was it a bore at or it was a, I thought there was some movie you said you were laughing your ass off and you're, the girl you were with. Dumb and Dumber?

Dumb and Dumber, we both laughed our balls off. I don't recall, Josh. You mentioned it a couple of times. It happened to me at a very, or Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas. Oh my God. I was laughing my nuts off. Starring Sean William Scott and Josh Hartnett. Yes, exactly.

I was laughing my nuts off. She stayed silent the whole time. Are you thinking of Josh when I was the only one in the entire theater laughing at the I need an old priest and a young priest scene from Austin Powers? No, I thought it was like some movie that the girl you were with just didn't get why you found it funny. I'm sorry, I can't come up with it. Give Hollywood time. They'll remake all of this stuff. There's a lot of red tape involved. It's the movie business, Josh. It's inside industry stuff. We wouldn't understand.

Seems like that's what it is, right? It's all money stuff. The half-ass morning show. 93X. Well, we're about ready to tap dance our way out of this nightmare. Just minutes away, but first I got to address some text messages here. We were having a conversation about old television shows. It doesn't necessarily have to be older than the hills,

but past television shows that folks would like to see turned into full-on theatrical movies. Listener wants to know if I'd watch an Alf movie. I absolutely would. I was an Alf fan. Me too. ALF, by the way, in case I'm not saying it as clear as I should. ALF, but stood for alien life form. He was a very funny character.

Yes, I would watch an Alf movie. He ate cats, Ashley. Oh, bogus. Another listener pointed out something interesting. A lot of these old television shows we've been talking about, Three's Company, Gillingon, Zilegen, Island, I Dream of Jeannie. A lot of them have been turned into

porno movies. Oh, for sure. Yeah, plenty of them. The Cosby Show, you name it. There was a really trendy run in the porno world for a while to call a movie, This Ain't, and then you know, the Cosby show, or Cheers. That was the trend for a few years.

This ain't Three's Company. And they got away with all kinds of gimmick infringement, but, okay, you're right. A lot of these old television shows got turned into porno. and I can say, Josh, that I did see quite a chunk of a movie, a porno movie called This Ain't Gilligan's Island. Was it funny? I'll tell you what.

Specifically, the dude who played the skipper was very believable. Very, very... He looked like Alan Hale? He did look a little bit like the late great Alan Hale, one of the great people that's ever lived. The dude who played the skipper was very much alike, the original skipper played by Alan Hale and I'll tell you, in that porno movie,

it took him a while to reach the finish line, if you know what I'm saying. Oh, that dude earned his paycheck. He was sweating it out. Jesus. I'm telling you. And Marianne was never the same. Were you a Marianne or Ginger guy?

And I know this is an argument as old as time. I don't know. Ginger for me. Okay. Lister says they'd love to see him married with children, Hell, they're all still alive. Why not do it? They should have done it years ago.

Years ago. A Married with Children movie. That show is so frigging perfect. The White Shadow. Anyone? No. I never watched the White Shadow. My cousin loved it.

Oh, I loved that television show. Maybe they did make it into a movie, but just nobody went and saw it. But I'm with you, dude. I love the White Shadow. Mork and Mindy, couldn't you see a hot young actor, an actress, nailing Mork and Mindy? God, yeah. Meaning.

I know what you mean. Yes. I'm trying to think who would be a good Mork. I mean, it seems like, oh my gosh, I can't. The guy in the new Twister movie, he's in everything now. Glenn Powell. Glenn Powell's in everything. Oh, you know, well, wait a minute.

Now, Mork was an awkward, nerdy character played by Robin Williams. Of course, Mindy Wawa Wewa was played by Pam Dauber. I believe God rest her soul. She entered my dreams a lot as a young person, Pam Dauber. But Mork was a quirky character. odd. How about that Zach Gallifanakis would be a great time? Oh, that's a good one. That's perfect. Yeah, yeah, I could see him doing it. I'm surprised that that hasn't been done. It's as simple as it gets. An alien dude suddenly takes up living with a earthling woman. That's pretty much all there was to it and the oddities that.

I bet it would be a very simple script to write Last Man Standing. A lot of folks want that turned into a movie. Mr. Bill, the movie. Did they ever turn Mr. Bill into a movie? Gosh, good question. Let me look that. What's her name over there? Ashley, I bet you'd love Mr. Bill. I'm sure you'd never heard of it. He was a character on Saturday Night Live.

They made a television movie, but no. Okay. Mr. Bill looks adorable. He was a little Play-Doh character that would wander around in different situations, and every single episode he was crushed to death and he would scream for his life. Does he usually scream? Oh, no. Yes, oh, no, Mr. Bill.

It looks like cute. I never noticed how much he looks like a sex doll. I was too innocent back. Yeah, he really does. I don't know why they did that to his mouth. Yes, that's what he was saying. Oh, no. It looks like one time he ended up alongside some bowling pins.

Now, again, thank you for your text messages, talking about old television shows that should have been turned into movies already. Unless I miss something, I dream of genie. I can't believe that Hollywood didn't take their hottest young blonde actress and put her in the role of the genie for an I Dream of Jeannie movie. This should have been done with Jessica Simpson. This should have been done with Britney Spears. I mean, it's so easy.

WKRP in Cincinnati? I never got into that sitcom. Never really did. Could it be a funny movie? Yeah, if you based it in the 70s, like the television show was based. Because I don't think radio is as interesting now as it was 35, 40 years. No way. Yeah, it would have to be in the 70s.

Yeah. And finally, this was recommended. It already was made into a movie, the Three Stooges. And it gives me an opportunity to talk about that movie again. Sometime in the 90s, there was a Three Stooges movie made, and it is so friggin funny, you won't be able to stand it. So look that up. If you've been waiting for a Three Stooges motion picture,

it's been done, probably more than once. But the one I'm referencing, I believe, do you have the characters, the actors in front of you? Larry David, he was in there, Sean Hayes. Yeah, Sean Hayes played... He was Larry. Larry. I'm trying to remember who the other guy was. Saso is his name Sassau?

Will Sassau played Curly. Okay, and specifically the dude who plays Mo. And then that's a guy I can't remember his name. Is so good. I really don't know why that movie wasn't given awards. Maybe they were, and I missed it. But it is so funny. And those characters are brilliant.

Those actors are brilliant in point. portraying Larry Moe and Curley. No way it could get any better than that. What year did it come out? 2012. Oh, God, it wasn't that long ago. Absolutely hilarious from start to finish. So there you go.

A little gift for you. The Three Stooges movie has been made, and you can probably get it for free on YouTube or something. If you're treating yourself to the 93X Twin Cities takeover tomorrow night at Target Center, maybe stop by the 93X pre-concert party at Glick's restaurant and bar. 4 to 6 p.m. is when that's happening, and we'll do our best to make it worth your while. Some 93x folks will be there giving away prizes, including sold out Twin Cities takeover pit passes. Are you going to be in the pit?

In the pit? They don't let me in the pit. They don't let me in the pit. He got banned from the pit. He knows what he did. Because I always want to sit down. You want to sit in the pit. You're sitting crisscross applesauce on the floor.

I whined that it's too loud, so they don't let me in there. That's where the cool people go. Three Days Grace, I Prevail Sleep Theory, the funeral portrait all on the Bill. Your only chance to legit sit in the pit is with 93X. As I mentioned, it's sold out. Glicks, I would think most people know, but if you don't, it's right there on the corner of 1st Avenue and 6th Street next to Target Center, so an easy and perfect place to stop before the show. You can get all the details on the pre-show party and everything related to Twin Cities takeover. Oot 93x.com. Frosted tips and Eurocut Nips wants to recognize the best damn

construction crew a guy could ever ask for and says don't be too hard on the new guy while he's gone and godspeed to army hr jesus's liver he's headed to vegas with the old ball and chain for his fortieth this morning hope you guys have a good time and may you rest in peace the 93 x half-assed morning show what's going on podcast pimps dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning i got on the ball early i already got my ac tuned up for summer, I think you should too. An AC-tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me,

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