93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Cocainus

Episode Date: September 24, 2026

Originally Aired  September 24, 2026: Veterinarian Doctor Andrea answers pet questions. Drunk on a plane. Everything you've ever wanted to know about death by snail.   Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheating.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-ass morning show. Ninety-three. The Thursday show. Today is the highly anticipated Thursday show. Josh, give me a tea. Tea. Give me a Thursday.

Thursday. If I'm a little weird today, I apologize, but there's good reason behind it. I was up late last night. Bring It On was on television. I can't miss that one. How many times have you seen it? I know you love that movie. I don't know.

I don't know. And it was piss poor timing too, Josh. Right when I was ready to shut her down, I was scrolling through the television guide, and there it was. Bring it on. And I said to myself, well, get comfortable, stupid.

You're not going anywhere. As good as you remember? Absolutely. Yeah. So if I'm a little goofy. That's the reason why. You'll have to remind me that's a cheerleader movie from like the early 2000 somewhere? It's in that neighborhood.

Who's the hot mama in there? Kirsten Dunst. Oh, yeah. Eliza Dushko, sure. Yeah, it must have been two, three in the morning by the time I wrap that up. Later on this morning, we can talk all up and down about our dogs and cats and such, our veteran friend, our veterinarian friend, Andrea Johnston. is going to swing by, and our wonderful listeners can up and ask the vet.

Later on during our program, 8, 15, 20, 25, somewhere's in that neighborhood. Dr. Andrew, you're making a return to the show. Always like having her in. Never been stumped. Never once has she been stumped. You like her? I do. I love the text.

Yeah. Get some great questions. A lot of listener interaction. And, yeah, I can't remember a time where she just shrugged her shoulders and said, look, I don't know. It's instantaneous. Yeah. Oh, speaking of animals, you want to try this real quick? Sure. You guys watch

television, right? You read books and whatnot? Yep, definitely. You ought to be able to make a run at this. Go ahead and name for me the most dangerous animals on Earth. And according to the list, the more humans they kill in a year, the more dangerous they are. And we're

talking everything from big, lumbering, fat-ass animals all the way down to creepy, crawly type of critters. Rhinoceros is my answer. The rhinoceros. Do you know how many dangerous animals they are on this list, Josh? No. And I'm looking for you as to name all of them. Do you know how many animals are on the list?

I'll tell you, 13. 13. There are 13 dangerous rhinoceros. The rhinoceros is your first guess, cubby. Those bastards, as dangerous, as I'm sure they are, did not make the final final. That surprises me. Yeah, the rhinoceros. Well, I was going to say a Komodo dragon, but since you said it's based off of, like, people they kill,

I think it would be like, I don't know, deer because people hit them with their cars. The more human beings they dismember and kill violently, the better chance they made this list. Deer are nowhere's in the top. 13. 13. I screwed up. You know what? Let's add deer to the list.

And now the list includes 14. 14. I screwed up. I didn't mean rhinoceros. I meant hippopotamus. I thought that was number one. it is not, at least not according to this year report. Is it an order of murder in that 13, 13, 13, 13?

It is. Murder. I mean, do you put mosquitoes on? You always hear that. Yep. Mosquitoes, that's another one you hear, is a number one in certain lists. Let me tell you now, Cubby, the hippopotamus, on average, that big bastard would violate. kill 500 human beings a year.

That's a lot higher than I thought it was going to be. What about a crocodile? Hang on a second. Oh, sorry? I still have to. I appreciate your excitement. But let me just get through this now. Okay, hippopotamus will stomp the gut smooth out of around 500 human beings a year.

They say they are infamously grumpy and territorial. And they'll just kind of waddle over, right, Cubby? they're in the water, they'll kind of stroll over and just turn a tour boat over just for laughs. Dana, don't you know somebody that had a run in with a hippo attack?

It was like one of the craziest stories I think you've ever told. I know a friend, yeah, we were hanging out one time at a bar and we were just kind of getting to know each other and somehow the topic of hippos came up and she mentioned that she's gone on to a bunch of mission trips to Africa,

building huts, saving the world, that type of stuff. She's a good person unlike myself. And she goes, yeah, and it was crazy. I survived a hippo attack. And I didn't realize at the time just how deadly they were. I thought maybe the hippo just came over and kind of nudged their boat a little bit. And I'm like, that's so cool. Tell me everything.

And I tell that story to everybody. And she goes, no, there's nothing cool about it. Seven people died. I go to therapy once a week for it. I go, oh, my bad. So that's all legitimate? Yeah. Oh, man.

Yeah. And there I am thinking it's like going to be some cool, fun story. But she's like, no, I lost friends that day. Oh, yeah, stuck your foot in your mouth there. Hello, hello, everybody, and welcome to hippopotamus death therapy. I will be your... Hippopotamus Anonymous. Yeah, I will be your instructor.

Dr. Jungle. It just so happens my last name is Jungle. Welcome to hippopotamus death therapy. Josh is killing it so far. He is, and I don't mean to be cute. Since we're talking about dead human beings here, but Josh went ahead and named the mosquito, which is the number one most deadly critter in the history of mankind. Up to a million people die every year from those god-forsaken mosquitoes, and they talk about malaria this, dang that, Zika fever.

And then you said crocodiles, also on the list, Josh. Well, at number 10. Did I mention the hippopotamus is number 12? I don't know that you did. Crocodile number 10, they kill about 1,000 people a year. What about a tiger? Or is that too obvious of an answer? The tiger.

I don't see that some bitch. I would have expected to see a tiger. Yeah. Grizzly bear? No. Yeah, I really expect that one. Because that's like an actual animal that you can like casually run into. I mean, I think you have to be in a very specific location to casually run into a tiger.

Right. Can you imagine that? how we walk through the woods. You see like a squirrel walk by? You're like, I don't know, somewhere where tigers live, and you're just like walking through the jungler or whatever. This is a tiger right there, about to rip your face off? I wouldn't enjoy that.

I would not. Would humans be on the list? No, no, they don't. They're not getting creative. That would have been a cool trick. Yeah, that would have been a neat trick. But, well, let me give you, I mean, some of these are very obvious. You just, I know how it is.

Sometimes you forget the obvious. I mean, number two on the list are snakes. There is a wide window here where it says that snakes, on average, kill 81,000 to 138,000 people a year. That's a pretty fat range there. What about dogs? Snakes is number two on the list, followed by number three dogs. Well, then. And you've got two of them in your house.

I do. Man's best friend, my ass. What the heck? It does note here that this one hurts a little bit because they are considered man's best friend. 99% of human death by dog is due to rabies. And they chalk that up to there are certain parts of the world, dark, dark corners of the world where you get bit by a dog and you catch that rabies. There's no one in town to help you with that.

There's no one in the village to help. There's no medicine. There's no nothing. dogs killed 25,000 to 59,000 people a year. I'm going to go aquatic. What about sharks? It's time that somebody got aquatic on my ass. No, no, it's not sharks.

See, Ashley, you're misremembering something that I'm sure you're going to go, oh, yeah, right. You always hear shark-loving people say, and they're telling the truth. shark lovers always say, hey, they only kill a small amount of people every year. Yes, we're terrified of them, generally speaking, but they really don't kill that many people a year. They don't really have a taste for human. They would prefer fish, but if a human presents itself, it's like, maybe. I mean, maybe someone could look it up for me.

You made how many human beings do sharks kill a year? It's a very small. It's very small by comparison. I know we've heard that before. I was going to say polar bears, but there's probably not enough people around them for that to be a thing. I mean, I think if you see one, you're dead. What about... This is an obvious one.

Should have thought of it a second ago. Elephants. We've been talking about elephants killing folks in India left and right. Hiding behind trees sneaking up on you like big giant trunked ninjas. Crashing funerals. Yeah, crashing funerals. Didn't they crash a funeral of somebody who died by elephant? Oh, that's even worse.

I thought that was the story. Throwing rocks at them. Yeah, they hated that lady. Five to ten shark or human deaths by shark per person. year. That's it? I would have thought it would be more than that. Worldwide, too. I would have thought that would have been in the 20s or the 30s. Yeah, me too. But anyway, Josh is right. Number 11 on this list of the deadliest animals on earth is the big old slower than the second coming of Christ. Usually, we think of them to be serene and harmless. The elephant, yeah,

500 people take a dirt nap a year after tangling with an elephant. Maybe they should, I don't know, maybe they should get their revenge for, you know, having people like ride them constantly at, like, carnivals and stuff like that. I get it. They're pissed at us. What's the horses next? Yeah, yeah, they're coming for us. Anything you ride? Right.

They bite hard. Most deaths by elephant. happen in places like India and Sri Lanka, where human habitats are encroaching on the elephants habitat. Would they put anything like intestinal bugs or something like that? Parasites, yes. Let's, I'll blow through these goofy, the creepy crawly ones. Snails kill a lot of freaking pekin pears.

kill a lot of freaking people. How'd your buddy die? Snail attack. I'm so glad I don't live somewhere where there's, I mean, I don't think there are, like, extremely poisonous snails. Well, see, the snail doesn't attack you, but they carry parasitic worms that then find their way into your eye socket and into your brain. And then they crap millions of parasite babies. And they're swimming around in your guts and they get into your heart and they get into your life. and they get into your lungs and they fall out your ass.

Snails kill thousands of people. Okay, this is called an assassin bug kills thousands of people, also known as a kissing bug. I ain't never heard of that. They don't actually assassinate people with venom. They spread disease. Then you've got a certain kind of fly here. Oh, the Tizi fly?

Yeah. How to hell do you know about the Titi fly? We've talked about the Titi fly? We have? Yeah. You're my Titi Fly. Thank you. Didn't you say your grandma Titi Fly? Yeah, they were.

Yeah, you're right. Thousands and thousands of people die every year because of the Titi Fly. What do they say now? Ooh, they carry the sleeping sickness. And if you catch that, you'll wake up dead. If you don't get treatment right away, you'll wake up dead. Okay, then they've got some round worms and some tapeworms. Worms making this report about the deadliest creatures on Earth.

Some type of round worm gets into your guts and this and that. And then there's this tapeworm, you know, parasite. It didn't know tapeworm could kill you. Swims up your urethra. And, yeah, they can kill quite a few people. Those are sick. So there's a few that you haven't mentioned. Maybe, what was it, just one?

Jellyfish? No. Not the stupid stupid. stupid jellyfish. There's just one that I believe you've missed. You've done well. And I'll give you a hint, Josh. Blackout. Scorpions? That's right. Scorpions. That's a good song. My next hint was going to be the rhythm of love. And then I was going to say, Big City Knights, and then I was going to say, no one like you. And then I was going to say, still loving you. Then I was going to go with Rocky like a hurricane at that point. It would be obvious. Yeah, that's very obvious. Scorpions.

They kill around 3,200 people a year. I've heard some scorpion stories from some folks I know who have spent some time living in Arizona in these awful, terrible places, southern California, extreme Southern California, like the desert, where you'll find them in your shoe, you'll find them in your girlfriend. Usually it's old folks or the very, very young who, die from a scorpion bite because they don't have the immune strength to survive. We folks, a little more grown, you know, somewhere's in the middle of life, can take a scorpion bite and carry on with our lives.

I'll bet that hurts. Offended millennial Jesus said, were you ever accused of having a tapeworm because you couldn't get enough to eat? Yeah, my uncles would say that all the time. Yes, absolutely. Oh, I got to throw that on my son. It's ridiculous. What do you got? A hollow leg?

Yesterday, just for him, it was $32 at McDonald's. My goodness, he doesn't stop eating. God, have the metabolism again. I know. You better get those numbers up. That's nothing. What does that mean? That's nothing.

Are you serious? How much you spent at McDonald's? On a drunk night, if I'm hitting up McDonald's, oh, yeah, it's at least $30, 40 bucks. Just for you? Yeah. I love you, actually. There's no way.

Oh, I eat. So, I could eat, I eat so much when I'm drunk. All right. I could go to town. This was his order. Let me know. So you're saying you could eat more than this. Let me see.

What do you got? Filet of fish, quarter pounder with cheese, cheeseburger, 10 piece chicken McNuggets, and a large smoothie. That's impressive. I mean, are you? No, that's too much bread. I would just go like more. There's no way you're eating more than that.

There's no, I mean, that I couldn't even believe he ate it. I thought there's no way you're going to eat all that, and he did. I think it stems from when I was younger. When I had an eating disorder, sometimes I struggled the other way as well because I would go so long without eating that when I would eventually eat, I would just like binge and eat like 3,000 calories. So I think that's why I can do it sometimes. So really you think at your best slash worst, you could out eat him.

Yeah. And I realize that might have sounded dirty. So you could do more than that. That's impressive. It's kind of, ugh. It's kind of gross what I could do if I really wanted to. Are you at all concerned about that intake, Josh? I mean, is this kid going to be on cholesterol medication before we get to driver's license?

It's unusual for that food. But yeah, he's working out a ton right now. But I'd imagine once football and basketball eventually is over, it could be trouble if he keeps eating like that. Now, here's a listener who texted in. Can you compare the number? how many people are killed by people versus how many people are killed by animals. I don't think it's much of a comparison. I mean, if you consider there's wars going on,

hundreds of thousands just in what, Russia and Ukraine? I like to believe there isn't a comparison. We talked about mosquitoes kill a million people, and tapeworms kill hundreds. I would hope that we people aren't killing each other at various. that clip, but I don't know. 600,000 humans are killed by other humans each year. Okay, well, then there is no comparison, although that number that you just said out loud

is quite concerning. That's disgusting. So there you go. Yeah, a few people texted in and said, what about how many humans kill other humans? Yeah, it's not a good number, 600,000 a year, but, uh, Thankfully, it's no comparison to, like, say, mosquitoes. Other people are texting in cute jokes. Finger blaster Jesus.

Gross. Says, don't forget, humans are extremely deadly. The hot blonde at my work is drop-dead, gorgeous, he says. I hear you, bro. I hear you. Somebody says, does this mean I should not let my kids play with snails? Yeah, don't. We've learned bad things.

I don't know. They're so cute, though. Maybe I should look back at that snail. Maybe there's some information here. Where did I see that? Snails. Now I can't find it on the list. I swear to God.

Didn't I say snails? Yeah. Here it is. Fresh water snails. Okay. Yeah. Okay. It's more of a massive problem in tropical and subtropical waters, whatever that means.

So maybe if you're living in. Lino Lakes, I wouldn't be too worried about it. Okay? So it's really the parasites killing you from what I remember. Yes. It's not the snails. No, it's the parasites that live on the... Those poor stales getting that reputation.

It's not me, man. It's these parasites. I still love that old snail joke, though. You know the snail joke, don't you, Josh? I think you told it before. Yeah, where's the guy sitting in his recliner doing nothing. He's watching the television. And there's a knock at the door.

And the guy's like, Jesus, balls. I just settled in to watch the frigging ball game. Okay. He gets up off the chair, isn't it? Another knock at the door. He says, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming. He cracks open the door.

There's nobody there. It's just a tiny little snail sitting at his doorstep. And the guy says, son of a bitch. And he picks up that snail and he throws it as far as he can. Son of a bitch! 30 years. later. Here's a knock at his door. Same guy, same house, same easy chair. Knock at his door. Guy goes to his door, opens it up. And that snail's sitting there again. And the snail says,

what the hell was that all about? I still like that one. There's a lot of people texting in their orders, fast food orders, and there's some putting the list I gave to shame. They're making it up. Nobody eats that. friggin' much. You don't think. Why would you make it up? Give me one of them. Give me the one where they're topping what your son could eat.

Oh, shoot. These are two whole frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets. They said it was a sparky Jesus said this and he said it was literally just after the booze crews. Oh, wow. Two whole frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets? I'm not buying it. There was one here that was incredible. Go ahead.

I'm trying to find it. Oh. Well, my go to in high school, I'd stop out Wendy's on my way home around like I think that's when my parents wanted to be home. I'd stop at Wendy's. I'd get two double-stack cheeseburgers, a large fry, a spicy chicken, chicken nuggets, and a frosty. Yeah, my go-to-when-I was a quarter-pounder with cheese, cheeseburger, mcnuggets, fries, and a pop. Northwest Wisconsin, Jesus, his son when he was on the swim team.

Two triple baconators, two baked potatoes, one chili, two singles, and then somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 minutes later, two more double baconators. I want to find my last Taco Bell order on a DoorDash. Well, that makes sense because those swimmers, they burn a lot of calories. They need to just house. Not buying it. There was one that was even more than that. Where did it go?

The last time I ordered Taco Bell, this is everything that I ate. A cheese chicken flatbread melt. A nacho cheese, Dorito, Locos Taco, a spicy potato soft taco, maxi melt, which is like a cassidia, and a canina chicken rolled cassidia cabo. That's you? Yeah. That's awesome.

You can eat more than I can. I also got four sauces because I'm a sauce boss. Classic country Jesus. Still not buying it. We'll do two Big Macs, two McChicons, a large fry, and ten-piece McNuggets. Or he can also do two fully loaded Chipotle burritos with chips. Whoa, dude, those are thick. Two burritos is impressive.

I saw it happen once. would pass away. By the way, speaking of Taco Bell, a little bit later on when we talked to Randy Shaver at 7.30, I can tell you about, have you guys heard of the Taco Bell purple card? Yeah. No. You need that, Ashley. This is something special now.

If Taco Bell hands you a purple card, that means you eat for free at any Taco Bell location on planet Earth until the day that you die. What do I need to do? I'll do it. There's only two people known to man who have that purple card in their wallet, and I can tell you about it later. It's very excited. Oh, I am excited.

It's very exciting. So there you go. I suppose we can get going again. We've got the stupid news coming up, like I said, Dr. Andrea. Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital. We'll be stopping by later. So take your time, but anytime you're ready,

you can send in a question. about your pet. And as Josh said earlier, pretty tough to stump Dr. Andrea. So we'll take a breather. I guess we probably have to call, what's that gimmick where they bring you the food? DoorDash. We'll call DoorDash. Ashley needs 76 tacos. They're so good. Josh's kid needs a cow with a bun on one end and the other. And we'll get that order solidify. We'll be right back on the Half-Ass Morning Show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning.

I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save. Standard Heating and Air Conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-E. And it spells relief for you. It's football season on Polymarketing.

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Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawalable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Yeah, we got the stupid news report coming up, but first, we always like to do favors for our bro up there in Budette. He goes by the name of Badet Fishing Guide, Jesus.

The most unhappy fishing guide you'll find anywhere. Anywheres. So Bedet fishing guy Jesus texted us this morning to ask if we can dump a shout out on his buddy Paul, who is on his way to Bedet this morning, this weekend. Our guy says not only does Paul suck at fishing, but he also sucks at duck hunting. Have fun, Paul. Say hi to Mr. Happy up there in Bedet. My husband's going, duck hunting this weekend.

Me and the baby are just going to be solo all weekend. Does he suck as bad as Paul? Or how's he do? He's not that great, no. He sucks. Well, that is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Diving into what today's stupid news,

I dedicate this here story to you binge drinkers. Here's one for the drinking crowd. We're going to start off talking about a good old-fashioned DW. eye. They can happen. I mean, these days, with all the options for a ride home, you've got to be a total jagoff to get a D-dub these days. There's so many options now. Quit being a jagoff, make a telephone call. That's my, that's my angle on that subject. I understand that you want your car. Nobody likes leaving their car anywhere. But leaving your car somewhere is a lot better than paying now $15,000.

I know a guy whose wife ordered him to drive drunk. Hmm. How'd that happen? Repeatedly. But did she want him to get a DUI? She wants him to go to jail. She's setting him up. That could be.

But this was the case. She thought that being a grown man, leaving his car somewhere because he drank too much, was out of the question. You're grown now. You will bring that car home. She had something in her head where she just thought that was the silliest,

most childish thing in the world. So he would say to her, I overheard him on the telephone with her, look, I'm hammered. And she'd say, get your ass in that car and bring it home. You will bring the car home. It wasn't their only car.

They had two cars, but that was her view. It was a very warped, very unique view. it was, I don't care how drunk you are. And this guy love to get drunk. I don't care how drunk you are. You will bring that car home. You will not call the cab.

You will not get a ride from somebody. Is she much older? No. You mean older than him? No, just in general. She's our age. Oh, okay, so not terribly older. I mean, because it did appear to be kind of a slap on the wrist back in the day.

Yeah. didn't seem to be taken as seriously. You hear stories about cops giving people a ride home and saying, don't do that again, that pal. My dad has a couple of those stories. Following you home. My dad and all of his buddies had three or four of those stories. It's unbelievable.

They're absolutely wiped out, hammered behind the wheel. The cop pulls them over and says, Jesus, you're all over the place. And they say, well, it's because I was in Minneapolis at a bachelor's part, and the cop would say, I'll follow you home. That was the old routine. They'd follow you home. Those days are gone.

Anyway, we're going to start off talking about a good old-fashioned DWI. And here's something else I was trying to remember, Josh. When we were young, what were the gimmicks that we used to believe would throw off the breath test machine if you were ever pulled over with a few beers in you? Sucking on a penny was one that I remember. That's the one for sure. or mint, like bonaca or something like that. Spraying some sort of mint. I remember being at a house party in high school, and the cops came and everybody, like, you know,

you line up. They make everybody line up. And some girl was like passing out pennies to everybody. Right. That's one I remember. When we were young, we thought that was a big one. We thought there were these gimmicks that would throw off the breath test machine. Mouthwash.

See, I never, I mean, obviously. Not touching it with your tongue? So you guys thought that mouthwash, breath mints, or bonaca would throw off the machine? No, I'm just saying these are the things I heard. People say this is what you need to do. Oh, oh, oh, oh. So you guys didn't follow it, but you heard that rumor. Also, there was throwing a big fat ass water, chewing tobacco into your yap.

That rumor at least whipped around my high school. The word was, if you were ever driving around buzzed and you got yanked off to the shoulder by the police, just load up some Copenhagen or Kodiak into your yap hole, and that will confuse the breath test machine. Both of those were proven to be nonsense. Nonsense. If you're gooned, that spit machine will find out, no matter what little trick you throw at it. I mean, I remember when we were high school-aged, four or five of us riding in a car, got pulled over, driver got a D-dub. Our driver man got a D-dub. So there's the other three, four of us sitting in the car waiting for our fate. We were all drunk also. So we were awaiting our ticket, whether it be minor possession or

minor consumption or both. And so the cop takes our driver man, puts him in the back of the car, he's under arrest. And the cop says to us, just sit tight. I'll be back in a few minutes. And he must have been looking in his rearview mirror and saw that we were. are all passing around a can of Copenhagen and putting just a rod caroo size dip in our yap because we believe that would throw off the breath test thing. And so the cop gets back out of the cop car and he hollers at us. Put away the chew in the back. It doesn't work, you friggin idiot. Because we thought it was, oh, it doesn't work. Any minute now Jesus says that when he got his DWI, he took his chew and gave himself the biggest upper decker in lower decker. He said,

I thought it would work. I looked like an idiot. It definitely did not work. And he started, he almost started throwing up in front of the comm. You get the spins. He overdosed. You got to go with the upper decker, Josh. You got to go with the cheap seats.

I love those terms. That's what the classy guys do. In the state of Virginia, USA, a lady tried to throw the spit machine off by drinking out of a toilet. Yeah, that's one I've never heard anybody say, try this. And not just any toilet, cubby, a jailhouse toilet. Cool. That's got to be on the list of the top five most horrific toilets to drink from,

along with gas station toilet, campground toilet, country music weekend outdoor festival toilet, and cruise ship toilet. Yeah, they ain't hitting that thing with bleach on a regular basis, that's for sure. One more, Josh. Fentanyl den toilet. Yeah. Oh. I bet they don't clean the toilet at the toilet.

The fentanyl den. One of your former morning show partner toilet, I'd imagine would be pretty gross. One of my former morning show partners? The guy you've told us about who was a bit of a hoarder in his house was one of the grossest you'd ever met into. Oh, dude. Yeah. Again, back to when we were kids, I remember sitting around my brother and my dad and I lived together for a stretch of time. So as you can imagine, that was not the prettiest.

situation in town. Oh. Three total, three absolute Neanderthals living together. Oh my gosh. Your whole bathroom is probably just yellow. It was horrible. We only had one bathroom. And so

I'm at a house party and there's like three, four guys sitting around smoking quief, right? They're smoking dope. And they're all like saying stoner things to each other to try to freak each other out.

Like, I mean, I can't remember any specifics other than where I'm going with this, but things like, uh, imagine if like you had a tiger as a pet dude, you know, that kind of thing, right? So one dude says this, and I'm just overhearing this. One dude says, dude, it would totally suck to be a toilet. Right? And they all start laughing. The next guy says this, it would totally suck to be the Bourne's toilet. But he was right. Should you go hold me clean?

No, he was right. Hot mom, she just said mouthwash and stuff like that. It throws it off by adding more mouth alcohol to the measurement. Yeah, that's what I heard. Yeah, I've heard that now, too. Same with the bonaca, mouthwash. I forgot about that. Those mouthwomen.

Makes it worse. They are mostly alcohol. You're right. I never considered that. So here's this lady. The story tells me that this gal was driving a vehicle, hammered. She slapped her car. into a parked police cruiser.

And she got pinched. Ah, the luck. Who the hell put that police cruiser right there? Not her fault. Behind the wheel was that gal I was telling you about. A 43-year-old called Aaron. Luckily, she didn't kill anyone or herself when she cracked into that cop car.

So, anyways, the cops brought big old drunk Aaron back to the jailhouse, tossed her into her cell like they do. When the cops came around again to haul Aaron out the cell for her official breath test, they say that she was

sitting there, scooping toilet water out the bowl and drinking it. Oh my gosh. I do kind of want to see that. I'm so mad. That's one of those where I think, hey, we're going to give you 10 minutes to knock that off, just so I could get all my buddies in there to make sure they saw

it as well. Get the cell phone video going? And the idea was to try and throw off that spit test. Get up, girl. What are you doing? One of the cops who was lucky enough to be ringside for this disaster, he said Aaron was straight up drinking 100% full-on piss. He said technically, yes, she was drinking toilet water, but he said, I saw it.

There was very little water in there. It was mostly piss. Swallowing urine. from a jailhouse toilet didn't appear to help Aaron's breath. Oh, I bet. Yeah, and now she has some weird disease. Her breath in general or the final score on that BIC. What do they call it, the BIC?

BAC. The BAC. She still coughed up a 0.26, and drive it in that kind of shape in Virginia is very illegal. She's drinking piss. Listen to this text. Yeah. Whatever you do, don't use Cologne to try and hide the smell of booze on your breath.

I panicked once. I did it. I blew a 0.38 on the side of the road because of the alcohol and the cologne and a 0.12 back at the cop shop. Yeah. Once the cologne faded. Whoa. That is panicking.

They probably were like, wow, you don't see that drunk. When you burp, it smells like Old Spice. I bet that tastes terrible. Oh, I can't even imagine. People are texting in about pickle juice. Oh, yeah, I heard that one, too. I haven't heard that one. I suppose.

What am I supposed to do? Now keep a jar of pickle juice in my glove compartment on the weekends. Maybe there's folks that do. Cologne, huh? All right. I've often said that one of the worst experiences of my life was when I was selected for totally stupid, stupid jury duty. And I got off easy, really.

I didn't have to do dick. But just sitting there for a week waiting for something to happen. about drove me up the damn wall. You remember those days, Josh. I was ready to go nuts. I hated jury duty. If I ever have to go back, I pray that maybe I'll get lucky and I actually get tossed onto a jury.

And then me and my fellow jurors maybe we'll get to enjoy a ridiculous and hilarious case like this here. Sure, if you actually get selected. for a jury, then you might feel like you're serving a purpose. But it also better be good. It better be a good story. It better be a good case, something to keep me awake. So there's a lady on trial, Summers.

It doesn't matter where. She got caught by the police with a bag of cocaine in her cornhole. She did. And her argument in court is this. She says, I wasn't trying to smuggle. or conceal illegal dope, she says, quote,

someone put that bag of booger sugar in her can while that someone was treating her to some anal sex. I want to listen to her talk about stuff. Me too. Yeah. That's fascinating. She is interesting. That's what she said.

No, no, no. This isn't me trying to smuggle Coke or conceal. she said I was taking it in the and the dude I was with he put it in there very creative pretty unique the gal who came up with that incredible story she's up to 30 years old now

oh and I'm not playing games here her name is Reagan Cox Reagan's a cool name yeah I'm an exorcist fan so here's her deal She was pulled over by the cops in her broken motor vehicle. She was swerving up and down all over the road. The cops say that once they yanked her over to the shoulder, she was acting funny.

After police hauled her into the county jail, of course, she's got to go through what they call here the intake process. She's got to go through that old X-ray machine. And the X-ray folks spotted something stuffed up. her ham pocket. They could tell by looking at that x-ray that there was something up there beyond the spokes. The jailhouse cop said that throughout the entire naked x-ray process,

Miss Cox was trying to cover her ass crack with her hand. She had her hand back there the entire... And then up and out of nowhere's, a baggie dropped down right out of her pipe and onto the cold floor and like I told you it was a bag filled smooth up with cocaine

I'd feel pretty bad for her if she was telling the truth I mean the fact that she was hiding it she knew something was going on yeah can you imagine I mean nobody's going to believe that no and then back to this now with the baggie sitting right there at her feet

it had just fallen out of her ass with the baggie sitting right there at her feet she denied that it belonged to her. I love that. That doesn't belong to me, she said. What's that? None. She said someone put the bag in her grocery hole while she was enjoying a round of anal sex.

Yeah, just the worst. Like it was a game, like it was part of a sex game or something. Ha, ha, ha, ha. What are you going to put in me next? Miss Cox would not, she would not tell the cops who the lucky guy was. She never gave up his name. So, she gone. She wasn't as creative

coming up with a fake name as she was a fake excuse. Yeah, I think that would have helped a little bit. Damn. So, you know, Josh, you got my mind blown now. You brought up the idea that she might be telling the truth. I mean, it's possible.

I've known so weird guys, I could see him doing something like that. You know some guys that could possibly do something like that. Wait a minute now. Like somebody you've been with or just in general? Someone that

would put cocaine in your butt. Yeah, that dude definitely would. Some ass crack and your ass crack. Without hesitation he would. Without... He did live in Wisconsin. They're known for that? Yep. Hiding contraband and anuses?

I don't know. I just don't effing know. Put some sand in your butt. Bap-boom, boom, bum, uh-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-trap. Tracks called Boogie in Your Butt. Love that song. I recommend it to anyone who could use a little pick-me-up.

If you got kids, they're going to love it. There was a little man he recommended you put in your butt. Yes. All right. Here's a guy who wants to throw a little more extra fuel on the fire of the ongoing war between people and their homeowners association. We took to rapping about the good and the bad of the old HOA a few weeks ago. Says here, anyone who has ever had to deal with the Homeowners Association knows how ugly it can get.

Sure. Like I said, we were just talking about it a couple weeks. We heard some incredible, I'll go ahead and again mention that I never heard word one from my homeowners association back when I was under their command. many years ago, never heard a sound out of them. Josh had a different account. You told us some fascinating stories. Some dumb rules they had, yeah. That you're past HOA.

Stories that just made my blood pressure skyrocket. Things like you weren't allowed to hang a flag anywhere on your property, even on Flag Day. And how there was a rule where the only time you were allowed to have your garage door open was when you were a coming and a going in and out the garage. Bonkers. So here's a guy. Yes, he's a content creator. So you know it's difficult to trust folks like that who make they living from clicks and likes,

but I'm going to go ahead anyways. Dude says his HOA is coming after him because his lawn is too perfect. He says after he went ahead and mowed his grass, his HOA told him that his striping pattern. were excessively straight. I've heard people this before where certain neighborhoods won't let you have striped lawns. Like if you get a little striper, ooh, striper on the back of your lawn more, you know, that leaves those particular stripes. Yeah.

They don't like that. Yeah. That makes no sense. It looks so nice. Well, here's what they told them. Well, I'll tell you. More or less, what his HOA told him was that the striping patterns on his lawn, appear too professionally maintained,

and that makes his neighbor's lawns look bad by comparison. You know what? I'm about this. Yep, we've got one of those guys in the neighborhood who has a beautiful, beautiful lawn. He's retired. That's what he spends his day doing. Yeah, he shouldn't be allowed to do that. You know what?

He's making all of us look bad. Me and my yellow grass over here. Ashley, would you call him the try hard? No. No, I feel like that's a little too hard. I don't know. It's just like an old guy. That's a young man's thing to be a tryhard. The old guys, they really do legitimately get a thrill on it.

Yeah, like he looks like he, I mean, it's obvious. He takes a lot of pride in it. Oh, you know, he just stands there in that front bay window and just admires it all day. So do I. I'm like, look at that lawn over there. I don't know. My lawn sucks this year, but I always appreciate that. I'm like, gosh, how do he achieve?

Maybe they work at a golf course. They figured that one out. So again, this guy says his homeowners association told him. him. The striping on his lawn is too professional looking, and it's making his neighbor's lawns look like garbage. Dude, he says here in the story that when he found that out, when he heard that from his HOA, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Speaking of his yard, he said, quote, I do take pride in it. But he said, several other folks in his neighborhood also have well-maintained lawns.

He's not the only one. According to what the dude said on stupid social media, his homeowners association told him he must mow in random directions. He must skip at least one mowing cycle per week and allow visible wheel marks on the lawn. They're basically telling him, you know, kind of dirty it up a little bit, amateur it up a little bit so it's on par with your neighbor's lawn. That's really stupid.

How would you like to be the person that has to enforce that rule? Hey man, your lawn looks too good. It's making everybody else feel bad. This year, content creator guy is pissed. I don't really know what he means here, but he says, you think I was petty before. You wait now. You wait now.

This is going to get good. So he's planning some type of revenge. Dude says he's even went ahead and hired a private investigator for what reason I don't know. Says here, typical HOA landscaping rules can control things like grass height, weeds, dead patches, plants, trees, mulch, rock, edging, lawn ornaments, and on and on from there. Some other schmuck who commented on this story said that his homeowners association once busted his balls, telling him that his lawn mowing lines weren't straight enough. And another jokester posted, HOA stands for high on authority.

I've never heard that before. Drag him. Yeah. That's really, really dumb. I'm so glad I've never had to deal with any of that. I've heard that before where a neighborhood, they'll come after you. don't mow your lawn, maybe even find you in certain situations?

Yeah, there was one time, when I lived in Bayport, there was like a patch of grass, I don't know, no bigger than like four feet by four feet, that it was just like weedy. It was a pain in the ass to take care of. And yeah, some old lady called whoever she calls and we got in trouble for not mowing it. They're like, you need to do it immediately or else you're going to get a fine or whatever. Geez, all right. Yeah, you mention your old-timer, neighbor. He keeps it.

Pristine, beautiful. So pretty. That's what the old guys do. We're probably all headed in that direction. You need something to do when you're retired. He looks really happy. Although, you know, I don't want it to happen too soon. This goes back to when we were, me and my pals, I don't know, late 30s.

And we're sitting around having breakfast. And three, four of us, we're going to load into one vehicle and head out of town for a hockey tournament. And we're sitting there, you know, windmill in our breakfast. And one guy in our group says, when's the last time you saw Donnie? Oh, I haven't seen him in a couple weeks. Oh, but I drove by his house the other day. Have you seen his yard? The other guy's like, oh, it's terrible.

Donnie needs to do something about, he's got dead patches. And it's always so low. I know. His grass is so long, and he's got deadpatch. And he's got, you know, he could replace that mulch at the front. And the third guy was like, you know what drives me crazy is when there's leaves all over the long. And I said, okay, time out.

If this is what we're going to do, if this is a conversation we're going to have all the way to this out-of-town hockey tournament, I will go into the parking lot right now and disable that vehicle so we can't go. I said, we've reached this point now. You guys are sitting here critiquing our friend's lawns. Come on. That's so bizarre. I thought it's over.

We've gone from rebellious, hip, young people to old Jay Brones talking trash about each other's lawn. Oh, I couldn't stand that moment. Timberwolves belong in the East Jesus said, the city will mow your lawn now and then charge you $250 after they've done it, way cheaper to mow your own. I hadn't heard that before. That would suck. Yeah, that sounds terrible. All right, before we go, how does this sound to you?

I got a deal for you. You do nothing. I like it already. Nothing at all. And in trade, you make $80,000 a year. Sound all right? Sounds pretty sweet, yeah. That's a pretty good gig.

Believe it or not, over the years here at the radio station, we've worked with a few people who pretty much had that exact deal going on. and they called it unfair. Yeah, I can think of a handful of people. They're usually the biggest winers. They were doing nothing. They were overworked if they had to show up for work on time. Doing nothing.

Still getting paid. And they still thought they weren't getting, quote, what they deserved. It's true. We don't make that stuff up. They did nothing. They got paid for it. And they still thought that they weren't getting the attention and the adulation that they thought they deserved.

But anyway, we've discussed similar setups like this before. Just wacky. Most of it comes from Japan, where they had a lot of laughs. A fella in Japan called Shogi. He's a 41-year-old, don't you know? He's known in town as the do-nothing guy. Shoji's day job involves loaning himself out to strangers who are just looking for some company. And he gets paid, son.

$80,000 a year. He gets a wide range of. requests. One day he got paid to just wait for a marathon runner at the finish line. He got paid for that. Just so that sad-ass marathon dork had someone to high-five when they were all done with the foot race. This is already making me kind of sad for these people. Man. Some folks pay Shoggi just to sit back and jaw Jack with them on one of those video calls. One Jabroney paid Shoggi to go to a concert with him. Gibroni had no one to go to the show with, so they called Shoggi because he's the do-nothing guy.

Kind of like a spin-off of a sugar baby. Sort of. Yeah. You do wonder if there's some sex stuff going on. Well, Shoggi says this, Josh. He'll do anything short of get it on with you. Yeah, that's what they say. If you pay him his money, he'll do any damn thing.

Now, it ain't all fun in games for Shoggi. He says he's stood in line. under the blazing sun and in the freezing cold. I don't know the specifics behind why he was standing in the... He's gone to beer parties with total strangers and just stood there with a glass of beer in his hand. He doesn't know anybody in the whole frigging party. He once stood alone on a stage in front of a large audience

and got paid to just stand there. I'm not sure what that was all about either, but that's the gig. That's how he operates. And maybe he's dishing out some dry handies. I don't know. He says... Probably.

He says he'll do anything short of getting it smooth on with you. That's probably what you have to say so you don't get in trouble. Yeah, every man's got their price. I saw the other day there's a stat. Adult diapers outsell baby diapers in Japan because of how long people in Japan live. The birth rate in Japan also relatively low. They live forever in Japan. Says here, Stupid Shoggi has seven kids,

so no wonder he'll do anything people ask him to do for a few dollars in trade. He probably likes leaving the house too. Yeah. Shogi, what did he say now? He says, oh, I like this. He takes a stand, though. He says, look, I'm not a therapist. He'll listen to your nonsense and your stupid problems,

but don't expect any answers from Shogi. He says, I'm not a therapist. I'll listen, but I ain't got nothing for you. That's your problem. He says he gets to the neighborhood of a thousand telephone calls a year, and he earns an average of $80,000. Lots of lonely some bitches in Shoggi's, neighborhood. Not kidding. As we've heard before, Japan is loaded with services like this, where you can

pay an effing stranger to be your temporary girlfriend or boyfriend or friend or family member or slam piece. Those are the saddest ones I remember talking about where, you know, grandma dies in a car wreck and then you're hiring some stranger to come over on the holidays and play the role of grandma. that's how murderous bloodbaths begin in my opinion there are grandma services here in the states right where the grandma will come over and make you some food tuck you in that kind of thing you have heard of those you don't see the dangers in that I do oh absolutely I do I'm just saying I would have those here I would think I'm going to lose my grandmother to some sort of terrible murderer

I would expect to be molested. It's reasonable to assume that would happen. I'm being tucked into bed by my new grandma, right? And she reaches down and gives me a little, hey, real grandma would never touch me there. That's what I would expect. I always wanted that when I was a kid. Wait. Like the grandma and grandpa said she always wanted to rent one, I guess.

You didn't have, they were passed away when you were a kid? Yeah, so three out of four. were when I was very young and then my grandfather passed away when I was 13, 14, but he lived like an hour and a half away. Here's something, final, final. It says here most Japanese folks

do not deal well with confrontation or even direct communications. They feel too awkward to say will you be my friend? So to avoid that awkwardness, they're just willing to pay for it. I think that's a lot more awkward.

Hi, yeah, thank you. To us, that would be, but to them, that's how they go about things. I'm cool with just being alone. Yeah, yeah, I'll go along with that. I love being alone. It's my favorite thing in the world. It is. It's wonderful. It's wonderful.

Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Hey, Covey. Yeah, Cahs? You know how you're always denying the idea. that you are a boner machine? I'm not a boner machine. I know. You're very adamant about that.

People call you that name over and over and over again, and you always say that is not you. Coming up at 7.30, sometime after that when Randy Shaver's in the mix, I have a story for you that you're going to have a hard time denying that you're a boner machine because you're going to get one. Story coming up a little later, just warning you. I'll find some sort of a lot. alarm. I can just play it subtly so we don't have to get Randy Schaver involved in that bit

if a boner is achieved from whatever story this is. So you're telling me, if I, in fact, do give you a Boneski, you're going to hit some kind of an alarm to let us know? Just so you know. You don't want to let Randy in on it. Oh, Randy doesn't want to be a part of that. Just between the four or five of us. Okay, sure. Can we just tie a little jingle bell to it? That's a good idea. You ain't got enough line. You ain't got enough. You ain't got enough. So that'll be happening a little bit later. The Minnesota Links play their final, final, regular season game tonight.

And then it's off to the playoff. The twins won in San Francisco. Did you see, this will tell you more about this at 730 also. The San Francisco Giants, who the twins just got done with, they accidentally posted a video online of a naked player in their locker room. Yeah, it's too bad. Yeah, that happens. That freaking happens.

We'll take a break. Josh's news report is coming up next. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy,

but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 19. online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialki's your guy.

This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries. Even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bianchi Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-L-K-L-L-L-O-com. You want, Dave. on your side. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos.

Promocode WW CFB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawalable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first depositors not available in all jurisdictions. You're listening to the radio. The 93X half-assed morning show.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Folks, we got smooth skies ahead today. Flight time to Auckland is approximately 13 hours. And I'd like to remind my co-pilot, he's a total butt munch with a tiny wiener. A New Zealand airline is investigating after two of its pilots settled their differences the old-fashioned way, a fervent frenzy of fisticuffs. Dude, a fistfight up there in the cockpit, huh? It wasn't in the cockpit, but it was two pilots that fly together.

According to flight records in New Zealand, Air New Zealand, scrapped its September 6 and 7 flights from San Francisco to Auckland, blaming the cancellations on pilot illness. But it appears pilot illness was code for something a little more. That illness was actually a sick fight. New Zealand media outlets, citing an anonymous former Air New Zealand pilot reported tensions first flared during the flight from Auckland to San Francisco, then boiled over once the crew reached their layover hotel, where the airborne adversaries came to blows. Welcome aboard. I'm your captain today. In the unlikely event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device.

I'd also recommend a flotation device to the idiot to my right because you're going down, asshole. passengers who booked a flight, got a fight instead, and the fallout was steep. Travelers were told to expect a delay of more than 14 hours as the airline scrambled to fly in a replacement pilot and then had to take mandatory rest before finally taking the controls. But where did the fist fight happen? The fist fight happened at the hotel, but the fight started like the argument started on the plane. Too bad the, you know, too bad the passengers couldn't have had a ringside seat for that. been fun. Yeah, they missed the action. Yeah. But unfortunately, a lot of people

had to sit there for a long time because these two couldn't control their tempers. The airline confirmed Monday, an investigation is underway, but they were quick to note nothing happened while the plane was in the air. Now New Zealand's Civil Aviation Authority gets to decide whether the punch-happy pilots will face disciplinary action or be grounded

for good. Well, I would suck if they lost their job for good over one frigging fist bite. I mean, you can understand it. Right? There are some, some bitches you just hate. Some people have to get punched. Yeah. And at one point or another, you've got to do something about it. A plane can crash for many reasons, avian encounters, catastrophic equipment failure, or in the case of a recent Turkish plane crash, a drunk behind the yoke.

Departing Istanbul without passengers, a luxury aircraft was en route to pick up VIP passengers. On board, there were only three people, a jury. German pilot, a Turkish co-pilot, and a flight attendant. And a bartender? No bartender. The Cessna Citation Latitude, a brand new 2026 built private jet, was touching down in Libya last Monday, but it wasn't a smooth landing or a sober one. The German pilot was drunk, and so was the Turkish pilot.

What? Both pilots treated the cockpit like a cocktail bar, and when they attempted to land, the jet veered wildly off the runway and crashed. However, it could have been far worse. Even though the drunken crash caused the airborne pub to burst into flames on the runway, somehow no one was injured. The plane hadn't even had time to get its first scratch before it went up in smoke because the pair of pickled pilots were flying a brand-new jet that had barely left the factory.

What about the flight attendant? She was sober. She was like, what the heck? I didn't know we were drinking. It was by all accounts. a very expensive way to break in a new aircraft, and now both pilots have been grounded quite literally. The pilot and co-pilot were arrested after investigators uncovered hard evidence of hard alcohol. I wonder what the special occasion was, if in fact there was one.

Yeah, or I'm assuming they knew they were going to be flying that day, and it was something where they were drunk and all of a sudden got the call. Denzel Washington doke in that one movie. I didn't see that. Flight? Yeah, flight. Good movie. And he was hammered? Kind of dark. Yeah, major alcoholic He did end up going to prison

For about 20 years, but Did anybody die, Nick? He had, yeah Oh, did they? Yeah Oh, I never forgot that far. Did you see the movie? Quite a few people, actually.

I mean, it could have been worse. Yeah, I like that movie too. It is dark, but that's my jam. I love Denzo. A woman says she was trapped In an early morning window seat from hell next to a man who spent a United Airlines flight pleasuring himself

and so far the man has gotten off. Because as of now, he hasn't been arrested or charged with a darn thing. The 25-year-old was seated beside the man September 3rd on a flight from Rochester, New York to Newark, New Jersey, when the trip took an X-rated turn. She described the man, in her words, as unassuming and pretty normal looking, somewhere between 35 and 40 years old, right before he began skyjacking in his seat while staring at her.

I just got the sense he'd done it before. People don't just do those things at 6 a.m., she said. He probably masturbated before, yeah. Well, not on a plane, most of us, but she thinks he has. She said that of the man's high altitude menagerie moi. I thought the ladies really liked eye contact. Yeah, I guess with permission. Yeah, it depends on the situation.

I thought eye contact was important. Some of it is too much. She flagged the incident to flight. staff who let her leave her seat for the rest of the flight. But with the cabin full, leaving her seat meant standing in the aisle for the remainder of the trip just to put some distance between herself and the alleged masturbator. That'll wear you out. Who did he stare at then after she took off? There's just nobody sitting next to him, I guess. For Christ's sake. Even worse, the woman said once they landed, the man exited the plane and disappeared without any

consequences. A United Spokesperson said the airline is looking into the line. The the report but declined to say whether law enforcement was ever notified. That's pretty disturbing. Yeah, that's sick. A Minneapolis woman triggered a frantic six-day manhunt after she was spotted handling a rabid bat on a city sidewalk, then vanished before anyone could warn her with the bat signal. The ailing aerial mammal was discovered writhing on the payment last Tuesday about noon. Witnesses say a woman walking a golden retriever decided the struggling, sickly, potentially deadly bat needed a little personal attention. I think it's pretty wild. I wouldn't pick an animal off the road.

Just curious to know what kind of person would want to be putting a dead bat into a bag. She crouched down by the dying creature, scooped the sick bat into a bag and handed off the bagged bat to a second bystander who brought it in for official evaluation, then slipped away without leaving a name. Testing later confirmed the animal was carrying rabies, a virus that turns fatal once symptoms set in. So much of medicine is watchful waiting, see if symptoms develop, not in this case. They set off an urgent search. Officials needed to find her fast, rabies exposure is erased against time,

and bat bites are notorious for being nearly invisible, small, painless punctures that can go completely unnoticed. The woman didn't resurface until Monday afternoon, six days after the bat was first discovered, when she finally called authorities herself. Rabies is nothing to gamble with. For the CDC, the virus spreads through bites and scratches from infected animals and demands urgent care. Left untreated, it's fatal, though a five-dose vaccine series is highly effective if given time. It's really important to seek care to avail yourself of a risk assessment, as well as likely post-exposure prophylaxis, which entails immune globulins and vaccines. She's speaking my language. Once symptoms appear, though, it's too late.

no treatment on the other side of that line. Oh, I didn't know that at all. They needed to find this woman because they're afraid she's going to drop dead? Yeah, they needed her to get treatment immediately because they found out the bat does have rabies. Is it just me or like the two guys in the beginning that were talking about her? They sounded like they were mad, like disappointed in her. It seemed like it was a stupid thing to do. It's 2026, actually, and this is America. Yes, they are mad.

I was like, oh, what a sweet. lady like she obviously you know didn't really think about the risks that much but that's that's an angel early warning signs include irritability headache fever double vision spontaneous unexplained buffalo bills fandom pain or itching at the wound site from there you're basically dealing with the closest thing nature has to a zombie movie the disease moves fast attacking the brain and delivering a fatal blow without swift medical care so some serious stuff and unfortunately It's not an isolated scare. Rabies exposures have spiked across multiple U.S. jurisdictions since July, and the CDC logged 17% more rabies-related inquiries this July and August than during the same stretch in 2025. Do you know anybody who caught rabies? I don't think I know anyone who's ever caught rabies. I've known some people that had to get the shots, and he said it's absolutely miserable.

Yeah, I've had a couple friends that have had to get the shot. I don't recall. My daughter had to. I think I told you guys this last week. Oh, yeah. That's a dumb question. I remember why. I think, yeah, I think I told you, like, last week that people say that if you wake up and there's a bat in your house, go get rabies shots.

Oh, because I might have bit you while you're sleeping? Yep, you got to go do it. Don't risk it. We had bats in the house when we were kids. We never went ahead with that. Well, if you were wondering where all those bats go when they leave Minneapolis, apparently they head to Wayne Manor. The English estate used as Wayne Manor in the 2005 film Batman Begins is now facing a very,

fitting problem. Real bats. A 2023 inspection of the 19th century, Buckinghamshire Mansion, revealed bat droppings, a dead bat, broken windows, ceiling holes, and cracked walls. Now, the local council stepping in, the owners have until October 4th to complete repairs and formal bat surveys or face a forced sale. The 250-room estate has quite a resume, once home to the Rothschild Banking dynasty. It also has appeared on screen as Stanley Kubrick's eyes wide shut. Boy, that was a weird one. Sacha M. Cohen's Allie G. In the House. Word. And most recently, starring alongside Brendan Frazier in this year's World War II drama, Pressure. Conservationists describe the mansion's current state as, quote, very bad. The owners are insisting they're on top of it, though,

stating their own Batman team of ecologists are coming to the site. and they're promising to restore the historic landmark to its former glory. Yeah, that just looked like a bat house. The Batman Bruce Wayne Manor? Right, yeah, you could just see Bats being in there. The bats have Wayne Manor, but the Batman is about to have a sequel. The Batman Part 2 is currently filming, and Robert Pattinson, the most recent actor to put on the cape,

is teasing some big changes for the 2027 sequel. He says the Batman Part 2 is, quote, a real left turn from the first movie and says he's excited to see how the sequel turns out. The cast is getting bigger too. A couple of Marvel alums are joining the Batverse, Scarlett Johansson and Sebastian Stan. Are the changes going to be that any time he lands a punch,

there's big boom or pow flashing up on the screen, like the old TV show? I do miss that. That was fun. That was pretty fun. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale. There's a couple new things streaming today, including a return to Hillman College and the latest chapter in one of TV's longest running horror franchises.

The return to Hillman College? That's right. Does that have something to do with the old television show? What was that show called? A different world. Really? On Netflix, A Different World is back. You've got to be kidding me.

There's a sequel series. Starring Kadeem Hardison and Jasmine Guy. What the hell is happening? Deborah Wayne enters her freshman year at Hillman College, the same school her parents attended, and she'll have to step out of their shadow to build a legacy of her own. So that makes it official, right, Josh? Everything that could possibly be rebooted has now officially been rebooted. They're doing their best.

A different world with Cadeem Hardison. That blows my eff in mind. And Jasmine Guy. Jasmine Guy. She was very pretty. Very still. on FX and Hulu, the anthology series American Horror Story is back for season 13 with franchise favorites, including Jessica Lang, Evan Peters, Sarah Paulson,

Emma Robertson Moore, stepping back into the Emmy winning series. More like Jessica Dang, you know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying. God, help us all. The season will include 13 half-hour episodes with the first two weeks each featuring three. Following that two episodes will be released each Thursday, leading up to the 13th and final on October 29th. Jessica Lang, what is she doing to me?

Do you know? No. She's affecting your anatomy one way or another, changing the blood flow from top to middle. The streaming premiere of Jackass, best and last, is now on Paramount Plus, and on Prime Video, the Packers host the Falcons on Thursday night football.

That's Thursday, today. They got a Thursday game, huh? They sure do. That's unbelievable. Former WWE diva who married Triple H. Stephanie McMahon is 50 today. Oh, my goodness. Pittsburgh Steelers legend, mean Joe Green, 80. 80 years old. Happy birthday to scary clown Jesus and happy 10th anniversary to rock star realtor Jesus and his smoking hot wife, Jen.

And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. He told us that at the dinners, you know, sometimes they just, I just, I just, Take the clothes off. And they walk around naked. Do you make it at your dinner's gone there with the family? Do I have to answer that?

You don't have to answer that because I don't think anybody listening right now really kind of does that. All right. We got something fresh for you, right from the get-go, Randy Schaber. Good morning. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Doing all right.

Now, this is the first I've heard of a college quarterback by the name of Bear Bachmeier. Says here he plays football at Brigham Young University, where, of course, their motto is, I don't care how you bring them. Just bring them young. Okay. So last week, BYU, beat Arizona or somebody. During that ball game,

the audio you heard there, during that ball game, former NFL quarterback Robert Griffin the third was doing some color commentary. And Griffin said that Bachmeier and his family sometimes go ahead and have, quote, naked family dinners.

It's a little different. Boy, I bet that gimmick is really tough when grandma and grandpa are in town. Oh, yeah. Loose skin. Okay. Settled out. Yeah, you'd have to be real careful what you eat, too, don't you think? Like a bad day for soup?

Exactly. Serious damage. Now, of course, this reminds me of how Josh was abused by a family in his neighborhood growing up. One of my friends, his parents, were nudists. and the mom also ran a daycare. And so when I was younger, I'd go over there and no shame. They sat me down once. I was uncomfortable.

And I was afraid to tell my parents what was going on. And they ran a daycare. Yeah, the mom ran a daycare. And she would do it nude. She would, yes. Now, we've covered this many, many times. But have you come to the acceptance that these people should have been incarcerated? Yeah, I don't know.

Incarcerated or what? Obviously it was wrong. And I knew it shouldn't be running at daycare. That's the first day. And you as a child were exposed to this. And then they basically said, well, it's our house. It's natural. We're nudists.

You never told your parents. No, I knew something was up, right? But I just, I never told them. Well, yeah, when you see your buddy's mother's bush, yeah, something is up. That was the day when that was the style. So that's for sure. Some of the stories I can't believe. Those people should have been.

been arrested for that. Anyways, Robert Griffin said that this Bear Bachmeier kid comes from some bizarre oh hippie-dippy background where the entire family sometimes eats

dinner together ass naked. Balls, ariolas, stretch marks. I wonder if that's legit. Vains, body hair, broken ass old, broken down

old ass cheeks. Sure. Who's hungry, right? I am, I am. Yeah, if you can get past the skin tags, past the mashed potatoes. Might be a good way to lose weight if you're trying to cut back on your eating. Oh, because you see yourself naked while you're eating?

Oh, you see Grandma and Grandpa there too. Your damn mother and father. Stop with the grandma and grandpa. You got a grandpa on the line. He's a little sensitive. He's in great shape. Stop that. We'd be lucky to see Randy naked.

Exactly. So you're sitting down to dinner, naked dinner with your family, right? And you say, oh, I didn't know we were having black beans. And then grandma says, I'm missing a couple of skin tags. What happened? Oh, my God. The Bachmeier kid, now this is just according to Robert Griffin Part 3. The Bachmire kid hasn't said dick about all this since Griffin made the comment.

I'd imagine he wouldn't, if that's true. Well, either way, probably doesn't appreciate him making that comment publicly. Right. But why would you tell him that? Have you ever told a buddy something you didn't expect to go public? Well, I think it. I thought the way I read it was it sounded like he told him that during like the pregame or the, you know, the meal the night before we might meet up with a quarterback and stuff. Because he said he told him at dinner.

Yeah. Here's the thing. Mom, dad, kids sitting at a table naked together. What are you doing? Grandma, your boobs are in the spaghetti again. Grandma, you've got a little marinera on your nipple. Okay. That's just not right.

No, it's not right. What are you doing? That's my first question for them. All right, it says here, Randy Shaver, with Jack Dart mangled beyond... pair. Yes. Over on the New York Giants bench, unable to play quarterback.

Sure, the Giants have absolute pimp James Winston standing around. He's ready to play in his place. But this here article said that there's a very capable free agent backup also waiting in the wings, waiting to get a telephone call. And that free agent quarterback is Cubby's little F toy Jimmy Garapolo. Oh, my. I'd love to see him as a backup just so maybe he's on the sideline with his helmet off. It'd be a shame to ruin that face with a helmet.

If you were listening earlier, this is the story where I warned Josh that he might get an erection during our conversation this morning. Was that the erection alarm? It was. It's jingle bells? Dana told me to put a bell on it if it moved. So we'd be able to tell. Jimmy's Garapolo.

He's got lots of NFL experience, and Josh says he's also got an ass like an apricot. He is gorgeous. You know, I wonder if we're going to stick with the erection theme. I wonder if Vikings headquarters has that too, thinking, boy, JJ, maybe we can get rid of JJ for a decent price. I'd imagine they're thinking about it. Oh, yeah. I know there's that rumor out there. There's a trade idea that was brought up yesterday where the Giants make a trade for totally unproven and

injury-prone Vikings third-string quarterback J.J. McCarthy, sure. The last time Jimmy Garapolo got some serious playing time. The last time he got any playing time outside the bedroom, of course, was in the year of 20 and 24 where he played well. So maybe the Giants give him a telephone call.

His number is 1-900 mix a lot. So kick them nasty thoughts. I don't even know. Was he ever a good quarterback? Not really. College or anything? He was okay. He was all right. Hey, congratulations to Vikings cornerback. Isaiah Rogers has been named the NFC Special Teams player of the week

for the skill set that he showed off in that Bears game. Yeah. Did you guys remember? I thought one of the announcers said he's the fastest guy in the league or right up there. I thought there was a comment made about it. I missed it. He's awful fast.

You've got to be quick to get around that corner and block a field goal. He showed that on Sunday. Well, that used to be a thing, Randy Schaeber. They used to make a really big deal back in the day about the fastest player in the league. I don't really hear that conversation. Bullet Bob Hayes. You had your bullet, Bob Hayes. Everybody talked about Bob Hayes.

I'm going to go through some players that I remember being called the fastest player in the league. You got your Eric Metcalf. You got your Rinaldo Nehemiah. You got your Willie Galt. You got your Devin Hester. Oh, by the way, did we talk about this? Matt Suey died. He did.

We did not talk about that. Matt Suey, fullback for the Bears during their glory days. Walter Payton's running mate. Yeah, and you know, I hated the Bears. I was taught to hate the Chicago Bears. I had a soft spot for sweetness, of course. You're not a human being if you don't have appreciation for Walter Payton as a player and as a person. So I had a weak spot for sweetness, but I also had a weak spot for Matt Suey.

thankless type of a gig blocking back fullback his entire career we must have missed that I know it was a few days ago I'm sorry to hear about the passing of Matt Sui thank you brother and sisterhood they know everything who's the fastest player they don't say who the fastest is but they're saying

the actual that's what I was wondering did they say the fastest or one of it was they said one of the fastest in the league okay Isaiah Rogers special teams player for the week. He had that blocked field goal. He also had a fumble recovery on the goal line

because he's not just a special teamer. He plays on the defensive unit. He almost had two black field goals. That's right. Yes, he did. That is effing accurate right there. Yeah, the fastest player in the league. Oh, I don't know.

Was Dion ever the fastest player in the league? Oh, I think he was considered one of them. Oh, here's an obvious one, Randy Schaver. Darrell Green. Oh, sure. He was the fastest player in the NFL. even when he was like a 35-year-old, he was still the... God dang, he could go.

Yep, yep. People are texting in Jerry Ball. Jerry Ball wasn't fast. He was really fast. In high school. You might have been fast in high school. Oh, thank God. We talked about this a couple days ago.

Former NFL kicker, Adam Vinatieri. He did go ahead and kick a field goal in the mountains of Switzerland. Jesus. to set a world record for the highest altitude field goal in human history. I always having trouble getting any sleep. How many yards? It didn't look that impressive. I think it was 37.

37. It looked less than that. It's what I think I remember hearing, but as you can tell, I'm being very sarcastic about this, and I didn't really follow the details too closely. So they got that out of the way. Well, thank God. Thank God he made it, too.

Absolutely. Had he missed, it would have been a horrible embarrassment for the league, for the NFL Hall of Fame, for kickers everywhere, for America. You've bred disgrace upon our country, sir. At one point or another, the NFL is going to fly someone to the moon. So it can be the first solar, what's the word when you go into space? Solo flight? No, no, no. There's a word. The first, anyway.

There's a word there when you talk about space. It's not solar. Anyway, I wouldn't doubt if the NFL flies someone to the moon, so it can be the first ever quarterback sneak. They just won't leave us alone. They won't leave us alone. Did you folks know that Los Angeles Rams wide receiver, Devante Adams, has himself what they call?

Lunar is the word. Thank you. Oh, so you're talking about for the moon specific. Josh, here's the deal. I don't know what I'm talking about. I was thinking space. Interstellar, lunar, yeah. Los Angeles Rams wide receiver, Devante Adams, has himself what they call here a Taco Bell purple card,

which allows him to eat for free at any Taco Bell in the world whenever he wants to. He's got one in his house. He's got what in his house? It's a Taco Bell. Oh, I thought that they're not. was just a television commercial. No, supposedly it's a legit thing. Oh, that's cool.

With employees and everything? Let me Google it. Like a group of 17-year-olds walk into his house and start. I'm going to doubt that, but maybe. There's an awful McCulley Culkin movie called Richie Ridge back in the day, and he had a McDonald's in his house, and that always looks so cool.

Oh, sure. It says Devante Adams has a real functional Taco Bell counter and set up inside his home as part of a longstanding brand partnership. That's why he got that. purple card. Taco Bell loves him. They love what he does on their television commercials. Free Taco Bell at any of their restaurants on the planet. And Devante Adams says this. He says, it's got my name on the card. So if anybody tries to rob me, you'll never be able to use it. He says, it's like Russell Wilson. It's unlimited. Did you really say that?

Yeah. He said I can get there. I can go to Taco Bell and buy $7 million worth of Taco Bell today if I wanted to. That's awesome. Now, word is, there's only one other person on Earth with that same card, with that same eat for free anywhere on the planet, purple card. And that is actor and comedian Kevin Hart. I always love that we give these to the rich people. Yeah. Where's the regular Jay Brown's purple card?

A buddy of my basketball team growing up, his dad was a big wig at Burger King, and he had one of those cards. So in between games or after games, he'd bring the whole team in there, and we would just load up. It was the coolest thing ever when you're 12 years old. That's going to make you pretty popular at a man. Oh, yeah. Did you ever say it ain't no thing but a chicken wing on a string from Burger King? I didn't say that, no. I hadn't heard that one yet. Shotgun Messiah Jesus says, on the moon.

Adam Venetary could kick a 3,685-yard field goal due to near-zero gravity. Look for that, Randy Shaver, in the Super Bowl pregame show. They're going to put that dickhead on the moon. Sure. Yeah, okay, Devante Adams has been partnered with Taco Bell since the year of 20 and 22. So what's the Kevin Hart thing? Anyone know?

I think he does answer to them as well. Oh, yeah, where's the purple car? Josh, what did you have from Chipotle? I had a silver car. card, which did the same thing. It gave you free Chipotle. And I used it once, and I was holding up the line because nobody knew what it was, and I just never used it again.

I felt like a jerkwad. It was kind of embarrassed. It felt like a jerk wad. Yeah, like it was a big time thing, you know? Oh, look at this guy in his silver card. And then nobody, well, the one time I tried it, they had to, like, get a manager to come out and stuff. It was kind of embarrassed.

I know that they treated you pretty well over there when you were a regular customer. I still think maybe you deserve better because you told us you were going there like 11 times a week. Oh, yeah. I mean, the only variety I had in my diet was the location of Chipotle I went to. I was going there a couple times a day, for sure. They catered our wedding.

Oh, that's right. They did. Yeah, you're a wedding. And did nicely for some of us. We went over to the boom boom room. Yeah, you did. Yeah. All right, you never know, boys.

Sometimes you can get lucky in the store. strangest way this past Sunday, Cincinnati Bengals quarterback, Joe Burrow. He was sacked five times and knocked on his ass a total of 10 times playing against the Houston Texans. One of those times where he got knocked down was actually quite helpful. Apparently, he was playing in the ball game despite one of his ribs being out of place. He had popped a rib loose.

and the thing was just kind of swinging around in his guts. But one of the occasions where a Houston Texans player popped him good, the hit also popped that dislocated rib right back to where it was supposed to be. It's pretty funny. You following what I'm saying? Yeah. After that, he felt better. You ever had to watch someone push a broken bone back into place?

No. I saw it once. It was something to see. We were skateboarding on a skateboard ramp in junior high. I got decent at it. But I think my neighborhood was similar to a lot of others in the mid-80s, where all we wanted to do was skateboard for about two weeks and then something else happened. You know what I'm saying?

And we never picked up our Steve Caballero or our Christian Hussoy skateboard ever again. So one of my buddies down the road had his dad made him a beautiful ramp where you could drop in and the whole works, Josh. And Big Al, he took that pig. He dropped in and he fell backwards, landed on his arm. And I remember he must have been in shock

because when he landed, and it wasn't pretty, he just kind of picked up his arm and showed it to us. And the bones in his arm had made a skin teepee. Do you see what happened there? Yeah. It hadn't broken through the skin, but it made this teepee. tent. And he didn't really say anything.

You know, new guys in the corner puking his guts out were all saying, oh, sit down, relax. So let's call an ambulance, right? He just walked right past everybody, goes inside the house, and he walks over to a set of stairs. He sits on the stairs. He rests his arm on the stairway, took his good arm and popped it back down into place. Oh, God. And again, I'm sure he was in shock. We were like 14, so we didn't know what to do.

So I'm telling them, because I live, you know, five doors down. I said, okay, I said, let's go back to my place. My mom will give you a ride to the hospital. He gets on his bicycle just starts riding. And that broken arm was swinging behind him, like circling and it was just completely dead. Now, see, the bad news is, and I'm sure most folks know this, when you do that kind of thing on your own, it makes it even worse, because when you get to the doctor,

they have to re-break your bone usually and set it properly. Man. No, thank you. You know, you can save your lame masturbation jokes, but years ago, my wrist used to come out of the socket now and again when playing beer league hockey or beer league softball. Do you think it's from drums or something? I don't know.

I don't know. But it would just, it never hurt, but I, and I usually didn't even feel it, but I would just look and my hand is just limp. Limp. But I was able to just kind of screw it back into place and I never really looked into it. This is pretty common.

We had a guy on the football team whose shoulder just pop out once or twice of practice and you just kind of walk over to the goalpost or have the trainer come and just like lethal weapon. Yeah, exactly. Herbeck had that happen to him quite a few times near the end of his career. That shoulder would pop out when he was trying to make a play

a ground ball play or he had to reach for it or die for it. I understand once you have that issue, it comes and goes until the day that you die. That's what I've always heard. And our buddy on the team too, he was more annoyed by it than anything. He's like, oh God, not again. You know,

they're like walks over to the goalpost, slams it back into place and all right, boys, let's go. Was it a certain thing that would make that happen or just kind of on its own? You know, I can't remember the specifics, but I just think, you know, just he was an offensive lineman, so just those motions of blocking, I think, would just kind of make it pop if he hit it just right. Gotcha.

See, now it's been years, but now I kind of want to dislocate my wrist and then put it back in live on the radio. Oh, do it when Ashley gets back. She'd love to see that. Does it hurt? No, doesn't hurt? Like I said, more often than not, I couldn't even feel it. I would just look and looking at. But putting it back doesn't hurt?

No, none of it ever hurt at all. I could just, and what was funny about it, Josh, is it, wasn't like I shoved it back into place. I kind of had to turn it. Like, what was his name? Dr. Gizmo. Dr. Inspector Gadget. Oh, yeah. It was a... All right. Oh, one final note on football, Randy Shaver. Josh told us this earlier. Today, mean Joe Green turns 80 years old.

Wow. I know. A couple people text in. It's... with Mean Joe Green stories. Oh, that's what you got right there. I got one. I don't know. Spoil it. We got one.

Wow. Mean Joe Green turns 80 years old today. I mean, you know, I see these photos of Carl Leller and Alan Page. And, you know, it's that era, right? Yeah. They're going. They're going. I just feel so sad about it.

But they're not going yet. No. Don't feel sad. We're lucky to have them around still. Mm-hmm. Josh just mentioned, yeah. We had a listener text in. When Josh mentioned, it's Mean Joe Green's 80th birthday.

Has to pee Jesus. He's got a claim to fame. I'm not going to call it lame, because this is firsthand good stuff. He said, back when I was a manager at a casino, we had a celebrity golf tournament, and all of us managers paired up to golf with a celebrity, and my golfing partner that day was mean Joe Green. Wow.

He was one of the biggest stars in the NFL during his day. For sure. Twins won yesterday in San Francisco, so they ended their 20 and 26 road schedule on a high note. Walker Jenkins came up with the game-winning RBI, Luke Kishow, ripped a dong, back home tomorrow to wrap her up. And I got this text from Sharp as a Bowling Ball,

Jesus. He said, Twins host Texas this weekend to end the season. Yep. The Rangers are trying to win their division, so dude says, let's be dicks about this. And they can be. Who's with me? I'm with you.

Yeah. They can spoil the Rangers season. And it's exactly what Brad and I talked about. Look at the American League West. The Astros and the Rangers are tied for the lead. with a record of 78 and 80. Two games under 500, likely an under 500 record will win the division.

That's crazy. It's been that kind of season. Yep. Now, the San Francisco Giants, during this series against the twins, after one of the games that the two clubs played, the San Francisco Giants accidentally posted a video online of a naked player in their locker room.

Uh-oh. Yeah. They posted a video of, I think the story was some rookie made his debut, and so they were videotaping this rookie as he's walking back into the clubhouse after the game. You know, some dramatic, hey, Donnie played his, got an RBI. So they posted a video of a player walking into their clubhouse. Whoever was shooting the video didn't notice that in the background, a player was standing there, D-swinging.

The video clip has since been removed from that godless, Now, if it was Vashante Schenko, he would be very proud. Oh, the old crank of shank. Yeah, that was something else. Lucky guy. Saw that life. He claimed who's embarrassed by it. There's no way.

What about the guy who was running the 40-yard dash at that dopey... It fell out. What do they call that gimmick again? No, you're right. The 40-yard dash. Yeah, but the pre-season thing. It's a combine. Combine.

Yeah. There was a guy... A wannabe NFL player. I don't know what his name was. I don't know if he ever made it in the league. But he's running the 40-yard dash at the combine, wearing his little spandex shorts. And his hog completely escaped his shorts.

And he's kicking it, basically, for the last 20 yards. Darn their tripped over. Yeah, he had to pick up and hold it. And he said he was embarrassed, too. And like you guys were just saying about Sri Lanka, whatever his name was. What the hell you're embarrassed about? This guy running at the combine,

it looked like a frigging trophy Northern had just jumped out of his pants. But I suppose, you know, that's nobody's business. So nobody's sure whose D and balls were in the background of this San Francisco Giants porn video.

No one's named the player. And everyone seems to be moving on with their lives just fine. So not this song in day. again. There's some confusing story here about how the pigs are going to televise their hockey games. Anyone want to take it from here because I don't have any idea what's going on? I thought I saw that they're going to be on

over the air cable. Yes. Spectrum and television? I'll read you this story. Okay. I just get aggravated because I don't get it. I guess I thought I saw that they were and have a number of games on Channel 45. Did I see that wrong? I'll read you what I have here. And tell me if we should care. If we don't, just cut me off.

Give me the old Jay Cutler. Says here now, the Pigs announced an agreement with Spectrum that will allow Spectrum TV customers in the local broadcast territory to watch Pigs games this season. So, 15 or so games are scheduled to air on national television, ESPN, ABC, TNT. The rest will be available exclusively on that new Wild Plus streaming gimmick. Yep. And now Charter Spectrum is in the mix.

They're the second largest cable provider next to Expinity. The pigs do not currently have a deal in place with Expinity or DirecTV, which could leave millions of fans with no choice but to stream games through Amazon Prime. Well, if you're a spectrum carrier or spectrum viewer, subscriber, then you're in good shape, obviously. I got a feeling they're going to keep working on getting a deal with the other cable outlets here in the Twin Cities and figuring something out. I would think so. I'm just so confused by all this. Streaming, this, that.

Direct TV as well, right? They're going to work that out. It sure seems that they've done a, just my opinion, that they've done a better job of getting themselves in front of people in the Twin Cities than the Timberwolves have. I have not heard a thing about what the Timberwolves TV situation looks like, streaming. They got that new Dazin or Dazin package. It's like 20 bucks a month. Nobody knows what that is. Of course not.

But that's what they're doing. That's what they're going with. Yeah. I think the wolves and wild should team up in Denver. They do it this way, where you pay like 20 bucks a month and then you get the nuggets and the abs. Yes. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm.

But they must be broadcast by the same. same group, I'm guessing, in Denver. I know there's more logistical hurdles than just saying, hey, you guys team up, show your games together, but it can be done. Yeah, that's the difference. Here's a real character that's texted in. He says, I'm not worried about all this television mumbo-jumbo, streaming this, cable that.

He says, I'm not worried. You want to know why he's not worried, Josh? Why? He says, I would rather watch a Yule log than any wild game. I do kind of like the Yulog. Okay, bro. I mean, I want to hear more, actually. Text in, text us again. Why? Why would you rather watch a Yulog? The links play their final, final regular season game tonight against Indiana or somebody.

But more importantly, it's all set. They'll go ahead and play their first playoff game here in town Sunday against the New York Liberties. The playoff, Randy. Is it a, I don't know how the WMBA playoffs work. best of three or is it just one game? Guess what? I was counting on you for that information. Yep, I bet you were. Yeah. And I honestly don't know if it's how that looks. Best of three. Best of three for the opening series. For the first round. Okay. All right. The links went one in two against New York during the regular season. Well, that might be a concern right there. The first round series between these two clubs is a rematch of the 20 and 24 WNBA

finals, which the liberties won in five games. So it's time to get some revenge on these fools. Let's get it started in here. So that everybody's saying. I don't normally give two pumps about the stupid food gimmicks that have become so trendy at big league ballparks, NFL stadiums, NHL arenas, and whatnot. You know what I'm talking about.

Every effing arena or ballpark has a few obnoxious sandwiches up for sale. You know, the more outrageous. the idea, the better. You know, oh, when you come to tonight's ball game, check out our olive loaf, yogurt, asparagus, double mayonnaise, black licorice,

and oyster burger. You know what I mean? What? Oh, and it's also, it's always the size of a beach ball. You need six people to carry it, and it'll set you back $78, right? Exactly. I don't get involved in that crap. Josh, You're a big eater.

Do you think you could take a healthy bite and swaller, an olive loaf, yogurt, asparagus, double mayonnaise, black licorice, and oyster burger? If you get rid of the oysters and mayo, I'll go for it. I bet you would. I've seen you operate. It's gross. I can handle that. Here's the latest nonsense.

The New York Islanders hockey rink is going to try and sell a nerd gummy cluster and gris. cheese sandwich. Tell you what, pour a few flat tap beers on that pig, and I bet the next morning, you'll find things in your toilet you ate when you were in fourth grade. Put a few flat

beers on top of that. Yes. Oh my God. It'll be as intense as your colonoscopy exam Eve. More intense than that. Anybody? Nerd Gummy.

Oh, I would eat the heck out of that. Absolutely destroy it. In fact, that could replace the prep that you use for the coalition. Yes. Dude, it looks so good. I need this. Nerd Gummy Cluster Grilled Cheese Sandwich at the Islanders game. Son of a bitch.

Would you eat the uncrustable pulled pork toastata, Ashley? Oh, easily. Fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich topped with pulled pork, grape jelly and barbecue sauce. Dude, I've eaten something very similar plenty of times. I love...

Tell us about what you've eaten. Sorry. I love the mixture of peanut butter and jelly with anything like savour. It's just peanut butter jelly, anything. Peanut butter jelly time, I think they used to say, right, Josh? I like that song.

Well, that one that you mentioned doesn't sound so bad. That doesn't sound so bad. Yeah. I get judged by some people are very passionate about the fact that I like a breakfast burger. Like, you know, put some peanut butter and jelly on that baby, maybe throw an egg on there? Tell us the unintentional colonoscopy exam Eve meal that you had, where the result was like the night before your colonoscopy exam.

For me, you guys know, it was chili cheese, fritos, and grapefruit juice. Every time you said that, it sounds so good. time I was done, Randy Schaber, there wasn't an ounce of fluid left in my body. I was as dry as a... I was just... Mine is much more simpler than that. I can have honeynut, Cheerios, and bananas, and within about 30 seconds. Really? That sounds good.

That's so good, though. Yes. Are you lactose intolerant? No, but within 30 seconds. Bananas have a lot of fiber in them. So if, like, you're about ready to take a road trip and you need to clean house. I need, yes. You'll eat some honey nut Cheerios with some bananas on top, and you are a super soaker within a minute. And then I push the what they used to use in the track, the little timer.

I just push the timer. Yeah. I got 30 seconds, honey, get out of the way. It's like the equal. with, what's his name? He would push the little stopwatch and go, okay, this is 19 seconds and I'll kill all the people

in the room. Well, I like the like Denzel Washington version of people. Those are good movies. That's interesting that your meal, like I said, it gives you the same result as that pre- it's so simple, it's so common. I think everybody has that

one thing that they know just sends them to to heaven and beyond. My one thing is a restaurant and I still go back there all the time. I know that I'm not going to be happy in a couple hours or the next day.

Worse it, though? But I can't stop. It's so good. Offended Millennial Jesus texted in about this New York Islander's little gimmick sandwich that they're selling at the rink this year, which was gummy.

How did I say it again? The gummy bear cluster, or not gummy bear. Nerds. nerd clusters, whatever those are, and grilled cheese. Offended millennial Jesus says, what do they expect? Everyone that comes to the game is on psychedelics? That's a good question.

I'd have to be high to eat that. Randy Schaeber, do you read much? It depends on what it is you're asking me to read, but yes. Here's something you might like. It's an official history of the Los Angeles Lakers, Coffee Table Book. I kind of feel like I'll know the Lakers pretty well. You don't think there's anything to learn there?

Well, I was a Laker fan growing up, so I kind of feel like I know a lot of that. Well, let me tell you about this, some bitch. It's called Lakers. An unofficial history of the purple and gold. All you need is $100 in trade, and it's all yours. and it says here pictures and memorabilia are accompanied by

exclusive reflections written by Magic Johnson Michael Cooper Byron Scott Pat Riley Shaquille O'Neill Paul Gassol

LeBron James Luca Donchich Oh Christ Jack Nicholson He's a big fan He's seen some things Oh yeah Paula Abdul

Oh yes And For sure And flee They all give their take on Did I mention it's $100? Yep Yep

Kareem Abdul Jabbar writes the foreword I'll listen to or read anything That Kareem Abdul Jabbar has to say I find him to be fascinating Yes I do too Kareem Abdul-Jabbar It's a captain That's right

It says here Starting with George Mikan And the league's first dynasty And of course that's a reference to when the Lakers were in Minneapolis To the hard fought years against Boston To when Elgin Baylor Jerry West And Wilk Chamberlain carried the fight And

In 1979 When a new owner named Jerry Bus Decided a great team just wasn't enough. It's a history of the Los Angeles Lakers. Yeah. I'd like to hear what Jack Nicholson has to say. I haven't heard anything from that guy.

Is he okay? I mean, he's older than the hills, but... Well, I think those guys have kind of retired, you know, guys like him. Just retired from acting and things like that. Yes. I mean, the last time I remember seeing him was in that departed, and that was quite a few years ago.

Oh, a long time, yeah. I've liked your Jack's stories of the after parties. sure I'll bet there's some good stuff there I just watched Jack Nicholson on my television last night couldn't help myself whenever it's on I'll watch it all the way to the bitter end I watched the Shining again last night which of course he's wonderful in that movie

Wendy Darling Light of my life I'm not going to hurt you you didn't let me finish my sentence I said I'm not going to hurt you I'm just going to bash your brains in I'm going to bash your brains in I'm going to bash some

write the F in. Stop swinging the bat, Wendy. Wendy. Danny! Remember when he's out in the maze and it's cold and he's freezing? Danny! And the kid watched backwards in his own

steps to hide from the old man. Then he freezes to death. That's the Shining, 1980. Shelly DeVall. Wendy, let me explain something to you. Whenever you come in here and interrupt me, you're breaking my concentration. You're distracting me. And then it'll take me time to get back.

to where I was. Understand? That's the Shining. The Shining, 1980. Oh, yeah, very good. Starring Jack Nichols. That was still the Shining? Very nice.

What do you don't know the Shining? Oh, no, give me a little bit more. Maybe I can keep going. Oh, my favorite scene is Danny and Jack in the bedroom together. When, you know, Jack is kind of nuts. He's just sitting in the bed. and he makes Danny come and sit on his knee that whole gimmick where he says,

do you like it here? The kid says, yeah, I wish we could stay here forever and ever and ever. Name the movie, Josh. The Shining. From the year 1980. Wasn't the kid that played Danny named Danny, like the actor? I believe you're right.

I believe you are correct about that. Shelly Deval, though, right? Yeah. Yeah, she's gone, isn't she? Yeah, rest of peace. She's Gonsky. All right, Randy Schaber, we'll let you go. Tomorrow morning, it'll be Friday.

You can join us at 730 with your bro Brad Rider. Oh, Andrew D. Paola? Yep, DePaula. He'll be on. Well, tomorrow be our first edition of Purple Pickham. Still having. Yes. We don't know that for sure.

I haven't gotten any confirmation. Oh. Coming up in a future broadcast on the Halfass Morning Show, Purple Pickham. Boy, this has been such a back-and-forth drama. Yeah, we'll find out. Off air, it seems like it's going to happen and that doesn't happen. Talk to you tomorrow, Randy.

See you. All right. Go ahead, you bastards. Go ahead and toss your text messages our way. That is, if you have a question regarding the health and well-being of your dog or your cat, 651-551-93 is our text number. Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital. is next here on the 93X

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Not available in all jurisdictions. It's Dr. Andrea. Here to save you about $5,000 and answer your pet questions. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93x half-assed morning show. She's back. And as Josh noted earlier here on the program, she's still batting 1,000. Hasn't been stumped yet.

It's Dr. Andrea Johnston from over there at German Animal Hospital. Time to ask the vet. If you got a cellular telephone, you can text in a question. 651-551-93. That's our Luther-Bloomington Keya text line. How you been, Andrea? Great. I'm good.

I'm tired. Are you tired? Yeah, I don't know. Is it the weather or what? Yeah, it makes you sleepy. Well, no, wait a minute. Were you up late last night watching Bring It On? Definitely not.

Okay. Nick was. I'm a little sleepy because he loves that movie. You like that movie? I know, right? Who's in that movie? Kristen Dunston, Eliza Dush, and so my. other people. But it was just bad timing.

Like right when I was ready to wind down and go to bed, I'm just scrolling through the television. There it is. Bring it on. I had to watch it to the bitter end. So you weren't also watching Bring It On? No, I was up with a flag football turf fields. Watching Flag Football. Oh, that's a girl's sanction sport now. Yeah, so awesome. The Vikings are backing that.

Yeah, it's so awesome. You have a daughter who plays Flag Football? Two out of three of my girls play it. It's fun. So fun. I have a girlfriend that plays in obviously an adult league, and she always posts the highlights. It's really fun to watch those. Yeah, my wife is so jealous that these girls get that opportunity. Obviously, I think it's really awesome. I wish it would have been around when she was in school.

We might have some adult leagues. I wish when I was in school, that would have been so much fun. I just played with my brother and his friends, like, out in the backyard and got a concussion every other play. But you'd have to remember that it's flag football, actually, because I could picture your temperate getting a little up there and you're just trucking somebody over. Yeah, yeah, I'd probably pull a few ponytails, too. I could see that. Well, here's the deal. We are locked and loaded.

Lots of questions have come in on the text machine for Andrea. Starting with this here, about a two-and-a-half-year-old doodle. It says the dog jumps around a lot. Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin. What's the next line in that song? Something about it coming to win. I came to win, battle me, it's a sin. Nice work, yeah.

Jump around, House of Pain, 1992. to. I have a two and a half year old doodle who jumps around. This individual says when the dog is jumping or even walking around, they can hear small clicks or snaps coming from the ass end of that dog. Yeah. That is not uncommon. So it could have luxating pettillas where those kneecaps pop in and out or can have a very partial ACL tear. Very, very partial. Well, it's not impacting the dog's gate. And you can hear it. You can hear that click. gang. Yeah, and even after they've had, like, their ACL repaired, sometimes they'll walk and you can hear it clunk and click.

So if the dog's not limping, I wouldn't worry about it. But if it does start limping, you might want to get it checked out. All right. I've heard those ACL tears and dogs are a son of a bitch for recovery. I see them almost on a daily basis. How does it happen? Well, there's a genetic, genetic predisposition, but just like a person where they're throwing balls and, you know, like basketball, player, soccer, players that stop go motion.

Okay. Is this common to with the ACL? This has happened to my buddy's Bernice Mountain Dog. He tore one, got it healed up, and then about a week and a half later, the other one went. Yes. No. Yeah, like 60 to 70% of dogs that tear one tear the other. Because they're like overfavoring the one leg?

That or it's genetic or they're fat. Did he have to take out a second mortgage on his house? No kidding. So along the fat question that ties in perfectly, dumbass welder Jesus has a 13-year-old male who's relatively fat to cat, it sounds like. My other three cats have no weight issues at all. How do I go about getting the one fatty to lose weight or cut back on the food intake without messing with the other cat diets?

Would you say like bullying might help, like if the thin cats made fun of the fat cat? Yeah, that always works. That always works. You know they have those like microchip feeders now where you can put microchips like collars on them and then their food is only released from the feeder once they come up to it and it's times. You put it on a timer. I had no idea those existed. Is it just for cats? Or do they have that for dogs?

You can do for dogs too. Hilarious. Do you know now, I just read a journal article that there is now going to be an ozempic for cats? Are you serious? Miao Zempic? Yes. You got to be kidding me. No, it's coming out. They're working on it. I'll put my cat on it.

But it will be a game changer. Because the amount of cats that have diabetes because they're fat is so prevalent. So I'm excited about it. So you would go ahead. Would you prescribe that? Yes. You would. Okay. A Zempic for friggin' cats. Well, you know, we've all had a fat-ass

cat in our lifetime, haven't we? Yeah. Matter of fact, I just saw a picture on the internet the other day where somebody, I don't think it was made for a cat. I think it was like maybe, you know, some folks wear a girdle kind of a thing to hide their gut. Okay? This individual

strapped that around their cat because the cat's stomach was legitimately dragging on the floor and it would get scabbed up and filthy. That like extra pouch they have. A primordial pouch. They put a human girdle on a damn cat. That's how big of a gut he's dragging around the house.

They're adorable that way. Needs ozempic. All right. Speaking of cats, here's the next text for Dr. Andrea. I don't think they have a real question here. They just want to note that damn near every night their cat picks up socks,

picks up hair ties, or wherever else she can carry in her yap, and then she goes into the bathroom and spits them into the toilet. That's amazing. Teach her to go to the bathroom in the toilet. That's awesome. Oh, that time of night, time to grab the hair ties

and go to the toilet. Just whatever garbage is on the floor, the cat picks it up. I guess that's what she's doing. Dana, that's great thinking about it like that. Just sitting there. checks its little pretend watch on it's like, gotta go find the hair ties.

You sloppy humans. Every night I got to pick up all your hair ties. I mean, they should be grateful because the amount of times I've surgically removed hair ties from a cat's stomach. At least the cat's not swallowing them. Usually they gut that. Yeah. That's funny.

Here's a gentleman that has a 13 and a half year old Bernie's Mountain Dog, and he said he wanted to just brag. Holy smoke. That's crazy. Yeah. And they're hoping that she, they realize, they're getting towards the end here and they're hoping that she just passes in her sleep,

no drama, but was essentially looking for things you'd look for to decide maybe it's time we put her down. I have this conversation all the time. Dogs, it's very rare for animals to pass in their sleep. I mean, I think I've had two in

16 years. Oh, really? Yeah, they don't just pass unfortunately. So some dogs will never stop eating so I wouldn't oftentimes use that a factor, but if they can't get up, if they're pooping in the house, if there's things they like to do that they're not doing anymore, barking at the mailman, things like that, it's a quality of life issue. They're not like people that you want to make that decision sooner than later

where you're having to carry the dog into the vet to say goodbye. That's a tough one. It's so hard. It's awful. It is. 13 and a half is impressive for Bernie's Mountain Dog. What do they usually let? What would you usually expect? Oh, gosh, eight, nine? Oh, my God. The biggest great Dane we'd ever have had, and he made it to 12 and a half. We were shot. When we first got him, they said, now don't be surprised if he goes a little earlier than your previous Dane, but he outlasted her by like four years or more. It's because you overheard her say that. I'll show you.

He's very stubborn. Back to Cats on Ozzypick, Andrea. A listener wants to know will Cats on Ozzympic turn into insufferable douchebag? just like the people who are on. And will they constantly post before and after pictures on social mey-a-a-ha-ha? That's amazing. They might, but their owners probably will. Okay.

Yeah, that's funny. We can't have a visit with Dr. Andrea without talking about chickens. Love it. Because you are a chicken owner. Yeah. How many again? No, I keep losing them. I don't know if the owls are just swooping in and grabbing.

them, but they disappear. They get bumped off easy. Wait, they just disappear? Yeah. Well, they get hauled off by an owl or a coyote. Yeah, there's usually just some feathers and very little other evidence. I didn't realize that owls would take them down. Our favorite chicken, my kids named her Cheryl Anderson.

I don't know why. She disappeared out of thin air. Just gone. Poor Cheryl Anderson. How are the rest of the Anderson's handling this? They're doing okay. Okay. Here's this chicken question.

I've had chickens my whole life. says this listener. My little daughter recently asked me if they ever pee. And this individual says, thinking about it, I've never seen one pee. So if I recall, what do I tell my daughter they want to know? I think it's like an internal process

that they resorb their urine. So you don't actually see it coming out. Huh. Yes. She says lots of poop. Oh, my God. No pee. No, but there's some type of internal resorption of urine.

I'll be damned. Yeah. I had an uncle whose underwear and jeans did that. Just absorbed his urine for him. He didn't often, Josh, he often didn't bother going to the bathroom. Yeah, I imagine. You're correct. You're exactly correct.

Fun size sheez has a four-year-old golden completely potty trained, but has had two random nights in the past month where he loses the entire contents of his stomach and multiple poops in the kitchen, den, and living room. God, which he says is super fun to wake up to, by the way. and then seemed totally normal. I don't think he got into anything. Could he have a parasite? Yeah, I mean, I'd get that checked out.

I'd drop off a poop sample at the clinic. I mean, I would say it's more often. More often. People will complain about the nighttime diarrhea and they may not even be noticing it that's happening outside during the day. Or it just is at night when the dog's calm. So I'd get the dog checked out.

It might need some medication and some bland food. Yeah. All right, I got a couple of questions here. Very basic. So I'll just rip through them back to back because I know you'll have an easy time with them. We're talking with Dr. Andrea Johnson from German Animal Hospital, 651-551-193.

If you have a question about your beloved little dog or cat or chicken. So here are these what I think to be basic questions. One is more or less asking, is there any frigging chance that my dogs will ever allow me to brush their teeth? This listener fights like hell. He basically says, should I just quit the battle and just bring him to my veterinarian for that? Yeah, I mean, you have to pay anesthetically for a dental cleaning.

Oh, anesthetical. Yeah, they go under anesthesia for a cleaning. It's not cheap. Did not know that. Five, six of you hold his mouth open. Yeah, we want to keep our fingers. Yeah, so that's the big thing. But, yeah, I mean, it's so hard.

If your dog won't let you do it, don't fight it. A lot of it's genetics. There's, like, product. There's products out there. You could go online. There's some additives you can put in the water. There's dental chews. That can help.

But you kind of have to start from a clean slate. So you might have to get the teeth professionally clean. I'm glad you brought up dental chews. We always get the question. And a few people text in today asking your recommendation for dental choose for dogs. It's called Verback. V-I-R-B-A-C-S-the-B-A-C-B-A-C-T-C-E-T chews. You mentioned it.

We used it. It's a game-changer. I love them. Our dog's breath was, come in for a long time and since then it's not bad at all. Yeah. We tried to use them, Josh, but our dogs got very protective over them. They liked them so much.

They do love them. Yeah, they do. I gave up very easy when it came to brushing my dog's teeth. It was such a pain in the ass. I just gave up after two tries. Come on. What a pain. Okay, here's the other very basic question.

Simply, what vaccines are needed for a house dog? So there's essentially three core vaccines. rabies, distemper, and now leptospirosis is actually a core vaccine. So that's actually a bacterial organism spread via rodent urine. So if your dog were to lap up stagnant water, ponds, pools, puddles, it can cause liver and kidney failure. Mouse piss. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Even if the dog is in-house and it's a tiny one, we've seen lepto and tiny little girdies like yours. Oh, Gertrude. Yeah. Somebody here says they have a couple of things. of cats who are ravenous. They've tried increasing their feedings a little bit, but then they just eat it so fast they throw up. Any ideas?

Ozempic. Seriously? Yeah, I mean, you can do the controlled feeding. You can feed them multiple times a day. You can do those treat puzzles, but put their food in it, so they have to, like, work to get their meal, put it on a cookie sheet, so they have to, like, move around the cookie sheet to get food to slow down their feeding. But yeah, you've got some hungry cats over there.

That's a tough one to deal with. Now, Dr. Andrea, this is this text. They sent an accompanying picture, and it's quite hilarious. It's a little puffy white dog with a cast on his foot. Cute. Here's the story. His wife accidentally dropped her cell phone. It landed right on the puppy's foot.

No. And broke two bones above the knuckles, whatever that. Oh, no. Yeah. broke the dog's foot when the cell phone fell out of his wife. The photo is equal parts hilarious and kind of sad seeing this dog with a cat. The veterinarian told this individual it would be 12 weeks before the cast could come off. That sounds long to me.

She's only four years old. What do you think? You'd have to see that break to... You'd have to see the break, but like a puppy heals within four to six weeks. Usually an adult dog, eight weeks. Usually we have them come in at like six to eight weeks and repeat an x-ray. see how things look. If it's a delayed healer, yeah, up to 12 weeks.

But I'd be surprised if it took a full 12 weeks. The friggin cell phone. Oh, I would hate myself. Oh, my God. I don't know if my dog would end up going to the vet because I wouldn't be able to tell my husband about that. It was a weird break from a cell phone? Yeah.

Was she like on the third floor? Was it a 1980? Right. Zach Morris style? Little mama Shank Shet she said her 16-year-old Australian cattle dog has Lyme's disease. And she said, I unfortunately can't get a refill on her pain meds. I'm wondering what I can use to help her with pain within reason money-wise.

So if she's that painful from Lyme disease, she probably needs a bigger workup because sometimes they can get like autoimmune joint disease from tick-borne disease. You might need more doxycycline. I wish there's something I could tell you to give at home, but there's really not. Got to see the vet. A cat was caught chewing on a squirrel. Mmm. Yum. Here's a guy who caught his cat chewing on a squirrel.

Any shots for that? I mean, I make sure the cat was updated on rabies. Squirrels aren't big ones that carry rabies, but you never know. I'd probably just re-vaccinate that cat for rabies. You know, you mentioned my adorable little Yorkie Gertrude. She had a hell of a moment. the other day. We've been taking her outside a little more than usual, and she's really liked it. She just likes looking around at everything. She's just tiny little frigging dog.

Squirrels, of course, are her main source of entertainment. She just, she can't get enough of watching the squirrels go this way and that way, and she begins to tremble because she's so excited about it. So the other day, there were two squirrels having a fight, or maybe something a little more intimate, up in a tree. And so Gertrude's just standing there like an idiot, and this fight or squirrel sex, whatever it was, caused one of the squirrels to fall out of the tree. The squirrel lands on its feet and the squirrel and Gertie are nose to nose.

Wow. And they both had a look on their face like they were thinking, I don't know what to do here. Oh, my lord. And the squirrel ran away. That is like my dog's wet dream for that to happen to them. Oh, yeah. They'd swallow it up.

Did you guys hear about that bat found in Minneapolis? that was rabid. Yeah. And then they posted the sign of whoever was seen on video handling it. Like, if you handled this bat, don't ever pick up a bat. That's my public service. Yeah. Good advice.

Don't ever touch a bat, dead or alive. God dang. Yeah, Josh told us that story earlier. They're so cute, though. They have those cute little faces. I grew up in a neighborhood that had so many bats, it was outrageous. We still get them in our backyard. Do you know their bite is, like?

like smaller than a mosquito bite. So people don't know they've been bitten. Small? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And once they get you, you're a goner. You become a werewolf or whatever or something like that. Vampire. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93X half-ass morning show. Yeah, we're here with Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital. We're learning so many interesting pet-related things, as usual. We do have a few more minutes to spare.

For some more text. questions from our glorious listening audience. Now, this isn't a question, but one of our listeners, by the name of smokes your mom's pot, Jesus, he texted in. You mentioned you have nine chickens.

Yeah. Your own personal pet chickens. But every once in a while, one of them ups and disappears. Some predator in the neighborhood grabs them up. You find some feathers, and that's about it. Yep. Smokes your mom's pot, Jesus says,

if you're interested, he has some chickens, just in case. you're looking to adopt. Oh, that's so nice. He has a handful of them. They belong to his wife. He's done with those things. That's how it always goes.

That's what I hear from people. The wife wants chickens, next thing you know, or wants one chicken. Next thing you know, you got 20 of them. He's not, his wife probably isn't aware of this, but he is willing to put these chickens up for adoption. He says they never shut up and he's had enough eggs for a lifetime. at this point. I'd like to make the same offer for a 14-year-old boy.

You want to swap? You can take my 13-year-old girl. I'll take your 14-year-old boy. You know what, Dr. Andrea, why don't you up and adopt some of those angry-ass old neighborhood turkeys? Boy, we've got so many of those. Get some of those off our hands. They're a gnarly. Our dog. We had, yesterday we had 12 in our backyard. Our dogs were going nuts. If it was them versus, I don't know, let's say, like a lab, would. would they take the lab down? I've always wondered that because my dogs like to chase them away. It makes me incredibly nervous that the turkey's going to churn and kill.

I think they can be pretty territorial during like breeding season. But they're dumb as rocks. And they can fly. Like they go up into trees and stuff. They're interesting. They are a prehistoric, ugly little beasts. They really are. I don't know if anyone caught it, but she referred to them as gnarly.

And that is it. I mean, they are just the ugliest bastards. They're gross looking. I know. Like what's with the poof of feather coming out? Have you seen that? They have like that black poof coming out of their chest? Yeah.

You got to go with that. Giant whisker. The chin scrotums are pretty disgusting. Here's a cat question. Interesting one too. How do they put this? They use some big words in here and I'm not built for that. More or less what they're asking is, as far as cats go,

why do they miscalculate leaps with such absolute unbothered confidence. And I love those videos you catch once in a while where the dog is, the dog, the cat is on like the arm of a chair and it's attempting to jump to the top shelf in the kitchen. They miss everything and rake everything down the wall. Do they have a depth perception problem? You know, I was just talking with a client the other day about this.

I guarantee not every animal has 20-20 vision. Right? I mean, it's just, but how do you test for their, like their near-sightedness or far-sightedness? They need glasses. They do. Contact lenses. But, I mean, they probably, their depth perception is off. Maybe they're fat and need ozempic and just can't. They think they can jump that far or sometimes they're arthritic, too.

Oh, so they don't realize that when they're getting ready to launch that they're not physically capable of this anymore. Yeah. They've grown some arthritis or something. Or they've grown some pounds. Yeah, yeah. That bothers me to think about, like, how sad it is that you wouldn't know if your dog can't see crap. I always wonder, like, do they need glasses? I'd love to see a dog in glasses.

Very astute. This person has a rooster, they called a complete, quote, a hole. Yeah, they can be jerks. Is there anything we can do to make them nice, or should we make chicken noodle soup and get a new rooster? Oh, yuck. Yeah, they can be jerks. I mean, they can fight off foxes and coyotes for a bunch of chickens. So they're made to be jerks.

That's badass. I didn't know that. That's how they're built, Cubby. Yeah. Now, I've never heard of this before, but I bet you have Andrea, a Chihuahua who has Chiari malformation. Yeah. Any info on treatment? Now, first off, of course, what is that?

So it's a neurologic defect. Your reaction leads me to believe it's not good. No, I mean, it's very common and genetically predisposed in small breed dogs, and it's a misformation of the brain and the skull. There's not much you can do about it. I think maybe I've seen that before. Does it kind of give them an overly large forehead to type? They can have what they call it like an open fontenelle or like an open soft spot that never closes.

Oh, no, I hate soft spots. Yeah. There's not really much you can do about it. I mean, if the pet is neurologic, then I'd see a neurologist to see if there's any medication you could put them on, but typically there's not much you can do. I don't think I've ever seen you real and disgust in that fashion, Ashley. You hate soft spots? Yeah, babies are born with two of them on their head. And it's like, it just.

And they breathe in and out. And you can like see it pulsing. Oh, can you really? I've seen that on a baby. I've never seen that. And it takes forever. Like one of them closes a little bit. earlier than the other one, but like my son still has one on the top of his head.

And it makes me terrified because it's like a, it's like a button that like if you push it, if accidentally push it, really bad things are going to happen. Well, don't push that button yet. Leave the button alone, Ashley. Is it too tempting for you because you just want to press the button? I honestly just like don't touch his head often because of it. I'm so scared. I've seen that before on a baby where every breath they take, it kind of sucks in and out.

and angry what are you i said to the baby i said what are you you're not you don't that's not what a person does what are you angry bus driver jesus says as far as wild turkeys go it's cheaper to get a deep friar and a crossbow than it is to adopt something like that that sounds like fun man oh yeah there you go we have a friend that has a giant taxidermied male turkey on a log in their house and it's like a joke, but it's gross. Like in their living room? Let's be obnoxious for the sake of being obnoxious kind of a thing. He like puts it in Zoom calls behind them.

Oh, that's funny. And it's huge and ugly. Did he shoot the turkey? This is his trophy? But then he was like, I want to get this thing taxidermied and mess with my wife. I like bits like that. Yeah, I can get behind that. Oh, my gosh.

That's the whole reason he probably paid an obscene amount of money to get that thing taxedering. Well, we were over there last weekend. It was on their kitchen counter and he was waiting for us to notice it. I'm like, how can you not notice this like 50-pound turkey sitting on your counter? A lot of folks love turkey hunting. Yeah, bow-hunting turkeys, right? I know my dad, when he was, you know, able to, he loved. And when we were cleaning out my folks' house after they passed,

my dad had enough turkey-related ammunition to take out every damn one of them five times. It's like, I don't know. I think it's such a weird hunt because you basically, basically just like fool them into coming over to you to get a little something something and then just you hop out from behind your fake turkey and you go babap bow bow like I just find that crazy you had to be there hey buddy hey come over here look what I got going on do you guys remember like there weren't turkeys when we were kids I didn't see a lot of them no you're right everywhere they're just they're just out there bumping yeah and now we're

just surrounded Andrea thanks again for your time have your a good weekend. Thanks, you too. And we'll see you in a couple of weeks. Thanks. Happy 66 to Wobbly Hog, Sheez, from Goat Truck and Jesus. Happy birthday to Lincoln, turning the big 05 today from Link's mom, Jesus. And a shout out to Steelers fan, Jesus, and Daydreamers, Jesus. They're headed to Lambo for the game tonight. Oh, fun. 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition.

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