93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Corn Pouch

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

Originally Aired October 1, 2026: Bear Knuckle Boxing. Special D-livery. Everything you've ever wanted to know about getting a goal-oscopy. Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning because I know you're looking forward to the show. Winter is coming. The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out and the boys blow the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standardheating.com today and book that tune-up. Mention 93X and save a big double nickel.

Yeah, 55 bucks off the price of those commenters would have to pay. All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great. Whatever you're doing, it's working. Keep it up. The 93x half-ass morning show.

Ninety-three. I'll be damned. The first of the month, October. Of course, around here it's Rocktober, right? I don't really miss those. Although, wait, are we doing a Rocktober? Yeah. Oh, no.

Welcome to the Half-Ass Morning Show. Welcome to the 93X Half-Ass Morning Show, where we're always drunk, always on our motorcycles involved in some, type of outlaw behavior, especially come Rocktober. Yeah, you know, that means we're just right around the time where we are, we have, what do we, we have turkeys that rock coming up next month already. Well, now, don't spoil it, dude. Oh, I thought everybody already knew it.

It's like an annual thing where we have turkeys that rock. We were going to spring it on everybody. It was going to be a surprise that come Thanksgiving. Yeah, we start giving away turkeys, but not just regular turkeys. They are. Turkey's that rock. The truth is we've got one guy here who never leaves the house and doesn't even know how to properly hold a bottle of beer.

We've got another guy who plays with Legos, another guy who can't get through a single day without a three-hour nap, and a crazy lady with a baby. That's a very good description of our show. The truth is... And you'll never know who's who, by the way. Especially the crazy lady. It could be any of us.

It's the first of the month. Cubby. Time to pay your bills. Back in the day, I would have to remind you. Now you got that all automated. You're safe. You mean I have a wife? Yes.

By that I mean your wife takes care of that. The first day of October, hell a week from now, we'll be getting our bags packed for Wisconsin. Next Friday, we'll be cutting loose with our first ever, sure to be awful afternoon broadcast. Most likely. Of the half-ass morning show out there. live from St. Croix? It's Croix.

St. Croix. It's pronounced Croix. Turtle Lake. Our fifth annual Border Bash, don't you know? We'll see you there. She's a sellout, right? Yeah, that's really cool. Appreciate those that were on it and bought some tickets.

I apologize to those that weren't able. We're still getting some tax saying, well, can we just show up? I mean, it's a casino. You're welcome to show up. I mean, maybe they'll have some extra. I mean, not exactly sure, but from what we've been told, the broadcast itself is sold out. The broadcast is sold out. Yeah, I don't know.

There's lunch before, a happy hour afterwards. Starting next Friday afternoon. Correct? Friday afternoon. Yep. I don't know the rules on show. You know, go ahead. If you want to show up.

You have a ticket to see the broadcast. I know that for sure. Right, right. But as far as folks just showing up. Yeah, to casino. Go ahead. We'll see you there. Yeah, we'll see you there.

I mean, they might end up throwing you out onto the, sidewalk, but maybe we'll get a chance to wave and say hi and thank you for coming. You might get ejected immediately. I don't know. If you, I can tell you this, if you stand anywhere between the sports book where we'll be brought, I'd imagine we'll be brought, as we've done every other year, and the bathroom in the casino, I'll see you about 10 times. I'll be walking that back and forth, back and forth. You certainly do urinate a lot during. I'll be seeing you, seeing you there.

During any given broadcast, you urinate almost constantly. That's when I get all my peeing out. I know we're the opposite. You get zero peeing out during the show and then all your peeing is after the show. Yeah, I'm the same as you, Josh. It's also like the only time I ever am consistently drinking water. So I try to get it all done in the morning and then I don't have to like really worry about it the rest of the day. I think I'm in the same boat.

All right. Here's a question from a listener. Are we going to be dicks about this when we go to St. Croix Casino Turtle Lake next Friday? and when we bust out our very first ever, in 30 years, our first ever afternoon broadcast, are we going to be dicks about it and call it the afternoon show? I think at this point we have to. That's excellent. We have to do that.

I don't know. I wonder how the afternoon crowd is going to take it. They're going to turn on us? When we, whoever the first sorry sucker of the four of us to say out loud, welcome to the afternoon show. You're wondering how the crowd will take it? I'll tell you this much. If I'm in the crowd, I don't like that. You don't like that one?

No, I like the name. I turn on us instantly as soon as I hear someone say afternoon. I more mean like folks that are used to listening to music in the afternoon. They're going to hear some morons start talking if that's going to be a backlash. They're going to revolt against the station. People get mad, you know. The afternoon crowd here in the cities who normally listen, not our problem. They want to hear Pablo spinning the latest jams, and here we are.

It's one day. If you can't allow us a little fun for one day, well then I don't know how to help you. Leave it to you to actually be concerned about that. I've only been wondering about it since they announced it to now. Oh, Josh. All right. Yeah, she's October. You want to blow through this real quick.

Here's all the most popular Halloween costumes this time around. I just got mine. Go ahead and tell us about your Halloween costume for the year of 20 and 26. Despite never seen the movie, my son really likes Toy Story, because I got them like the little figurines, you know, like the actual dolls that they play with in Toy Story. I got a Woody, I got a Buzz, got a Jesse, cute little things. And he's obsessed with them. She's absolutely obsessed with those little dolls.

And so, and we're going that route. I'm going to be Jesse. It's going to blow his freaking mind. He's not going to notice. No, he won't notice. And then the dad's going to be Woody. And then he's going to be whatever, because, I mean, he doesn't know what he has on his body. He's going to be the Buzz Lightyear guy because that one was adorable for babies.

but I put on the wig, the red wig, and that was interesting. He looked at me like I was a complete stranger. He had no idea who I was. You looked a little bit like Ralph Mouth? Well, you don't know who Ralph Mouth is. Maybe once I get the whole get-up on and then I like have the doll and I'm like, see, look at the doll. Now look at me. Maybe it'll click because I have turned on the movie for a minute or two just to see like,

do you recognize that what you have is on the? screen and he knows what he's looking at. He gets super geek. So maybe there's a chance. No. What did I say a few minutes ago? No, he's not. There's no chance. You're going to freak him out because of the hair change.

That reminds me when my son was young. My wife, she works at a gym, so her hair's in a ponytail a lot. And when she put her hair down, he wouldn't recognize her and he would freak out. He didn't like that at all. You mentioned that a couple weeks ago or something like that. And so I tried that on my kid and he doesn't care. Yeah, just like he's not going to notice you're dressed as a television show.

Yeah. Just be yourself. He doesn't know one from the other, so, you know. You're ruining the rules of Halloween. It's learning. What's the character again? Jesse. Yeah, back in the day, in our day, it would be a sexy Jesse.

It didn't matter what you were, it was sexy whatever. Oh, God, trick-or-treating with children. No. Okay, that's a bad idea. Strike that from the record. Like my nieces and nephews, and so they're, you know, eight, nine, ten, like that fun age, so. So here's the deal. If you want to show that you're down with current events and things like that,

these are the costumes everyone's going to be going with. All the hip young people will be wearing these costumes. Josh, of course, has told us that he's going as Bloodface PJ Fleck. I bought my outfit yesterday. You're going to be a big hit here in town. Did you really go out and get your Golden Gopher zip up? Yeah, last night, I went out. It's probably expensive.

I heard you're going with real blood, too. Well, that was my plan. That has been nixed. By who? By the person whose blood I've been collecting. Apparently, he doesn't want me to do it. He's got some sort of hepatitis. Ah, sure.

I got to screen them better. Screen the victims better. Come on, dude. So I bought some fake blood. I'm going with fake blood. You got to go with real blood. I'm going with fake blood. And then I got my polo, my gopher polo.

you're going to look adorable. Maybe I should have got a zip-up. Should I return it for a zip-up? Who cares about the zip-up? I just thought I'd get the polo. It seemed like something, you know, like somebody that worked at the school would wear. Now you've got something fresh to worry about.

I'm going to be completely lost with this report on the most popular Halloween costumes for this year. You folks will have to help me, as you always do. They start here with Freaky Nicky, in something called obsession. Is that that crazy girlfriend movie you guys told me about? Yeah. I don't really know how that's going to be a dress-up.

Well, it's just like she's got the hair. You know, she's got the straight black hair or brunette, whatever. And then it's kind of like a sexy outfit. You guys have told me about this movie. You liked it, right? Yeah. Mostly. Mostly.

I mean, like, it scared me. The actress is excellent. Yeah. She's very, very good in it, very convincing. Is she also a hot number? She's very attractive. Yeah, she's gorgeous. Because you guys know how I operate every once in a while.

I try to find something to watch on television that is not sports related. I try to... Oh, you'd like it. I try to dump a movie in there now and again. Okay, yeah, I remember you guys saying pretty good... For a couple reasons, for sure, you'd like it. And she's, like I said, I mean, I can't say enough how well she acted that part. Okay.

So believable. Freaky Nikki. She's such a tweak. I always, every time I see her now, I'm just like, you're such a tweak. What does that mean? What is it? That seems like an insult. Yeah.

Well, because of how good she played her character. Like she's such a spas. Well, she runs hot. Yeah. You can tell she's a good person trapped in a bad person. She does very good job. By the way, I wonder if anybody else in our listing audience went through, speaking of television programming, I wonder if anyone else in our listening audience went through exactly what I went through last night.

Now, I just got done telling you that I try to make an effort to watch programming that is not sports related. I try to get involved in a movie here and there, but I just don't know what's what. I usually scroll through and I say, I don't recognize that, I don't recognize that, I don't recognize that, and then I give up and I go back to the ballgame. But so last night, I did find a documentary. Yes, it was sports related. On ESPN 2, a documentary, which I understand is brand new, popped up on my television. It's called 14 Days in Gainesville. And it wasn't until the beginning of the documentary that I remembered the story.

It's all the way back from 1990. And it kind of mixes in two stories. at once. The first would be the 1990 Florida Gators football team, coached by Steve Spurrier and how Steve Spurrier came to town and turned this Florida Gators football team into a contender. But at the same time, right at the beginning of the school year in 1990, at the University of Florida,

a serial killer was on the loose killing college. students. So they're mixing in the dramatics of both those stories. I was about, and I was dialed in, Cubby. I'm like, okay, cool. Yeah, that sounds interesting. Number one, this is a sports-related program, which I enjoy, and also there's some darkness. And like I said, as soon as the story, they started to tell me the story, I remembered this now, and I thought, oh, God, yeah, I've never known all the details. So about an hour into it, they go to commercial, and next thing you know, they say, hey, welcome to tonight's WNBA playoff game between the Washington

Mystics and the Albuquerque Armadillo's, whoever. And I'm effing, did I change the channel on accident? Did I, and I'm flipping around, and I go back to ESPN2, and it's still the WAN NBA, and I think, well, what the hell happened here? That sucks.

So, I could be... I mean, nothing against the WNBA, but you were, by that point, you were locked in. I could be totally nuts, but the documentary just was interrupted by this basketball game. So it was a 30 for 30, it looks like. Okay.

So do you have Hulu? I think you do. You might be able to watch it there or ESPN, their app, it looks like. I know ESPN is going to rebroadcast this up and over and on again. It's brand new. Says you can watch it on their app. Okay. I don't know what an app is.

It's what you order before your meal at a restaurant? I was so, what's the word they use when you watch a show? I was invested. You're locked in. Invested is the word. Thank you. And suddenly it was gone. So anyway, you don't need to hear my problems.

But I was wonder if anyone else was watching that frigging show last night like I was. And suddenly it was taken away from us. Here we go. Back to the popular Halloween costumes for this year. The Bushes. People are going to be dressed as Bushes. Like the presidential family? No.

The Bushes in Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime show. Those were funny. People are going to understand that reference? I would not. Seven months later or whatever. Okay. I have no memories of the bushes in bad. Athena and Odysseus from the movie The Odyssey.

I just watched that a month ago, although I don't really remember much about the appearance of Athena and Odysseus. I want to see that. Taylor Swift, of course. the operatives, and again, help me, the operatives in something called back rooms? Yeah, I've watched a preview for it. It looked kind of boring, but I believe people who've watched it really enjoy it. It's on HBO, I think. I've heard weird things about it. Have you? It kind of looked like severance to me on Apple TV.

Yeah, there you go. I don't know how similar they are at all, but that was kind of the gist I got from it. And apparently if you are an operative in the television show backrooms, you're basically just someone wearing a hazmat suit. Okay. Two characters from Heated Rivalry. That's the hockey show where the guys screw, right? Okay. I never saw it, but I wouldn't recognize.

I guess if I saw two guys in hockey gear making out walking down the street trick-or-treating, I'd probably get the reference. Probably a good giveaway. Outside of that, I would assume they were their favorite hockey. player. So, yeah, never saw it, but I've heard about it. Heated rivalry. So next on this list of the most popular Halloween costumes for this year are the characters

Ilya and Shane from Heated Rivalry. The Doctors on the Pit. I love that show, but again, there's so many doctor shows. I'm not sure I'd understand that's what it was from. I would just think they were a group of doctors. I don't think they'll be able to differentiate it. Yeah. Well, maybe you have to look really closely.

If you like medical dramas or even, you know what, even if you don't, excuse me, the pit is so good. It's fantastic. It's really, really good. Dolly Parton. Yep, that's going to be a big one this year for sure. God rest her, beautiful little soul. Okay, now I really get lost here. Olivia Rodriguez from the You Seem Pretty Sad for a Girl So in Love.

video or something. I've never seen the video. Harry Stiles in the Dance No More video. Hunter X in something called K-pop Demon Hunters. That's crazy popular too. I wouldn't be surprised if that's a big one. Hunter X is a dude. Patricia on Widows Bay.

I'll tell you what. So we watch that show. It's definitely slow. Very, very slow. But there's certain things about that show that are very good, including her. Well, I'm going to say leading with her. Her character is so funny.

I mean, it's funny in a weird trying to be, but not over the top way. I thought she was great. Like I said, it's a real slow burn. Okay. A character called Patricia from the television show, Widows Bay. So we just got on talking about a program called Back Rooms. This is funny from a text from Box Tossin. back rooms was completely a waste of time, completely stupid,

with a stupid reveal and an even worse ending. There's your review from Box Toss in Jesus. Yeah, it looked kind of stupid. Sounds like he didn't like it too damn much. I read into that as well. Next on the popular Halloween costume contest, and that's not the word. Next on the popular Halloween costume list, Charlie X, CX. That's a lady rapper or singer?

Yep. Pit bulls? I don't know if I'd recognize. You'd have to be pretty good for me to recognize it, don't you think? Oh, absolutely. Otherwise, you're a bald guy with sunglasses? True story, my pal Vinnie, when he puts on a pair of sunglasses and grows a little thin goatee, he does look a lot of, he does look quite a bit like that pit bulls guy, right?

although Vinny's got a few pounds on him. He does. But a few years ago, he got all dolled up as best he could to look like Pit Bulls, and he went to a Pit Bulls concert. And he's wandering around, and people thought he was the real guy, and they were taking pictures with him.

So next time you see Vinny, tell him to put on his Pit Bulls outfit. See what you think. It was believable. That was, his kids were there. They said it was no joke. People were running up on Vinny thinking he was pit bull. Did he know who Pitbull was at the time?

Oh, yeah. So he was aware. Well, yeah, he watched the videos and bought the clothes and bought the right sunglasses and all of that. Oh, he did it on purpose. I'm sorry. I thought he'd meant he just looked like the guy and people assumed it was him. He does. If he put a, you know, he did it on purpose.

He was looking for, he was looking to fool some people. A lot of folks would be dressing as Sabrina Carpenter. I think I've heard that name before. I don't think I could pull that one off. A country artist? Yeah, she's like a pop singer. She's a tiny blonde thing. Here's another television or movie character,

Rylind Grace, in something called Project Hail Mary. Oh, that's a Ryan Gosling movie. Okay. Yeah, that book was really good and the movie I thought was pretty decent. And the last two characters here on this. report on the most popular Halloween costumes for this year. The last two characters I am familiar with. It took a while.

But the last two I am familiar with. You got your Spider-Man. Yeah. I mean, movie's setting records left and right. And Michael Jackson? Probably just because the movie just came out. Shamo! I bet Michael Jackson's a big one every year, though.

Shamo. Anybody watch that movie? Yeah. No. No? No. Our boss watched it. said it was okay.

I'll get there eventually. Yeah, once it's streaming for free, I'll watch it. I got no problem learning about. Although, here's the thing. I've already watched a couple of movies on the Jackson family and their story, including Mike, of course. I want to see the next one because haven't we heard that the next one's going to get into the deep, dark, creepy stuff?

Yeah, that was kind of the criticism of the, this one, right, that they avoided it or barely touched on it? Right. So I've already heard the story a couple times of how the brothers, you know, made their way out of Gary, Indiana and put on all the shows. And then next thing, you know, Mike was the star and he wasn't supposed to be in the band at all because his dad was a dick and then this, that. So I've already heard the story of the Jackson's a couple times. But I've never really paid terribly close attention other than reading headlines over the years about all the deep, dark accusation. So that's the movie I'd like to see. as far as Mike Jackson.

There was a great story on the Jackson's, which I believe was a VH1 movie many, many years ago. It was like a 10-parter. Oh, I remember that. And it was very good. It was very well done.

That was a... So there you go. I'm being told, Nick, you would like Sabrina Carpenter. She's in that baby spice vein. Oh, yeah, we've pulled a photos for Nick once and he lost his mind. Well, then, I don't remember.

If you look a little bit like baby spice, I will check you out. And actually, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't she like very provocative and sexual on stage? Yeah, she has like a signature move that she does every concert. That's how I'd be. Have a signature move? No, sexy on stage. Is she the one that was in the like the wobbly H position once or the Eiffel Tower or something like that? That was her?

Okay. What is her signature move? She switches it up. So like Josh was saying one time she had two. other guys out there and she was like in an Eiffel Tower. Well, if you switch it up, then it's not a signature move. And then, oh, I guess her, yeah,

I guess her signature move is just doing something sexual. Yeah, a signature move would be something that she's known, like one move she's known for. So she does dirty stuff on stage. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. It's in the, it's in like a very specific song at a certain time. Oh, I forgot

to mention something about the current Michael Jackson movie. Josh plays the role of Steve Stevens. I was supposed to be a surprise. I'm sorry to spoil it, but Josh plays the role of guitar player Steve Stevens in the Dirty Diana video. I wouldn't mind having that hair or that talent. You know what's funny as I've been watching interviews with him lately. I run into... What's he doing now? I don't know. Is he playing with him? Well, he still plays with Billy Idol. Oh, does he really? Yeah. But and right now, anyone under 49 years old just said, what? Who? But yeah, yeah, I've been watching

some YouTube interviews with the guy. You know, he's worked with Dan near everybody. He seems like a real down-to-earth. Cool character. For Dana and Ashley, he's the guy that did the Top Gun Anthem. Oh, okay. The guitar player.

Oh, really? I didn't know that. When I saw Billy Idol a number of years ago at First Avenue, you know. Was he great? Who? Billy Idol. I thought maybe you were asking about Steve Stevens. No, Billy Idol. Oh, he was outstanding.

I picture him being incredible. He was outstanding and he was funny. You know, he's a very funny guy. He is. That's somebody I'd like to see. Except he didn't play Cradle of Love, which I, one of my favorite songs. Is it one of those he just doesn't like? I don't know.

I didn't ask him. But he took the shirt off and the ladies went crazy. But Steve Stevens came on stage wearing like head to toe lace. Oh, really? Weird. And I don't know if that was. was the move for a 65-year-old man, but, uh, ah, for Christ's sake, you had to be there. Okay, we ought to get going again.

You're a terrific crowd. It's Thursday. Our next move will be the stupid news. So, by damn, stick around. We'll be back in a few minutes. Well, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning because I know you're looking forward to the show.

Winter is coming. The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out, and the Boys blow the belt, shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standard heating.com today and book that tune-up. Mention 93x and save a big double nickel. Yeah, 55 bucks off the price of those commenters would have to pay. All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great.

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763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polly Market trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode W-W-C-FB.

New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawalable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. All right, here we go. We're just moments away from today's stupid news report. But first, I got a couple of text messages.

Boy, this sounds like fun. Do any of you know a actor who goes by the name of Drusky? I've heard the name Drewski. Is it a comedian or something? Yeah, I thought it was a comedian. Drewski. Can you pull up a picture of the sum bitch? Oh, I recognize Drusky.

Didn't we talk about him for some reason? It's just one name, by the way. It's not like D-R-E-W. Yeah, he does a lot of funny, funny bits all the time. Oh, Ashley's showing me. a picture of Drusky. It's one word. I recognize that guy. He's effing hilarious. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's so funny.

I see him here and I see him there. Mostly on commercials. I don't know if I've ever seen him on a television show, but I've seen him on a commercial or two and he's very funny. So here's the deal. We were talking about that latest Mike movie. Mike Jackson. Isn't it just called Mike? Michael, I thought. Oh, Michael. Okay. I've always called them just Mike.

Anyway, we were talking about that latest Michael Jackson movie. And more than one listener texting in and said, you got to see Drusky and his parody of Joe Jackson, the patriarch of the family, Mike's dad, and also Jackie's dad, and Tito, Germain, Randy. Who am I missing, Josh? Janet, Latoya, arrangelo, Lamangelo.

People are telling me you got to see the parody of Joe Jackson by Druski, where every time one of the boys asks a question, he grabs his belt and they run for their lives. Boy, that's what they said happened, basically. Joe's dead. Tito's dead. Mike's dead. Who am I missing?

Did I miss any? Is mom still around? Is mom still there? Oh, I don't know. You know what? I don't even know her name. She must be older than the Hills at this point. I can't remember her name either.

I got to look up the Jackson family and see who's still. Germain's still going. Well, yeah, I know that. Okay. Catherine Jackson? Catherine, that was it. His mom's still alive is what we were wondering. It looks like it.

Let me see. Do a little more digging. Yeah. Check out the whole family. Did I miss any names in there? I must have been missing somebody. She's 96. Holy balls.

My goodness. All right. And again, yeah, shout at me if I missed any. I wanted to try to get all their names in there. As we begin today's stupid news report, I have to admit that it's going to be difficult for me to make my way through this one. Again, with the social media garbage. Just garbage. When someone does something, this,

inconceivably stupid. It is difficult for me to even have to speak the words out loud. I get frustrated. Like I've said many times, I don't understand us anymore. I don't understand what we're doing. But I'm going to go ahead anyway.

Down there in the far southeastern United States, way down there, another kid was trying to make a name for himself with complete strangers, mostly 8th graders, on TikTok. And now he's laid out nearly dead in a hospital. He's almost dead. This happens too often. So here's the route he decided.

Yes, it does. Here's the route he decided to take to snatch up some of that internet fame. The most powerful and dangerous drug in the world today for the young. people, don't you know. And some fully blown adults, too. Internet fame. Ooh, Cubby, they want it so bad they can taste it.

Yeah, you're not kidding. There are some people that means a lot to them. We've known a couple. It's easy to understand when you see something stupid go viral next thing. Months down the line, that person still has all those followers from

that situation and now they're making money on brand deals. They don't have to work a regular job. A year later, they're living in a dream house. You know, when you see that like unfold in front of your eyes, I can understand being like, why can't that be me? Yeah, until you realize most of it's fake, right? And you hear, oh, no, they rented that mansion for those photos that they rented the ability just to sit in that private jet to take some photos. I want to be on that side. I want to be on that side where it's obvious that it's fake. By the way, listeners are telling me I forgot Bo and Allen Jackson.

Jesse Jackson, you left him. From the Action Jackson. You never said action Jackson. Dude. All right. So the nearly dead kid that I was telling you about, apparently he was copycatting

a popular bit on TikTok. Let me see if I can explain this. The other night, it's dark outside, don't you know? The kid sat down in a chair in the middle of a busy street, cars going this way and that,

two of his buddies began giving him a haircut. And already I can hear a great majority of you saying, wait a minute, he's doing what? Sat down in a chair, middle of a busy street, and his two cohorts began giving him a haircut. So the kid was sitting there getting a haircut. And then from what I understand, an unrelated car accident happened. And a pickup that was involved in that car crash smeared the kid who was receiving the hilarious middle of the street TikTok haircut.

And the kid is now clinging to life in a hospital. It's awful. awful stupid and awful in general. Hope it was a good haircut. You know, nowadays, you're almost more dangerous simply because, you know, if this would have happened 40 years ago, nobody would be distracted by their phone. And I'm not going to suggest anybody in this accident was, but that's something I'd think about now.

Like, hey, keep in mind, they might be watching content on their phone as they're driving. Yeah, don't rely on other people. Yeah, you're right about that. It's something that enters my mind. time I go for a drive. I still see it all the time. Not as much as I used to people being distracted by their phones. So it's not an everyday thing like it used to be, but I definitely see it a few times a week, at least. I guess I don't notice that, but it's true. I used to have a certain slight amount of trust in my fellow drivers, like you said 35, 40 years ago. Now, I assume

every damn one of his is finger-banging your phone instead of driving your motor vehicle. There's good odds. That's the case. So this mangled kid is an 18-year-old. His bros are 19 and 20. No other injuries were reported with that car crash. The other two clowns who were in on the gimmick, they said the last thing they heard was screeching tires. Now, I want you to pay close attention to this next year part of the story. In my opinion, this shows you just how warped.

these effing kids are. This will show you how their need for internet fame takes precedence over everything. One of the other kids involved in this disaster was asked about what happened. A bystander, who of course was live on Instagram, a bystander asked one of the kids what happened. and the kid said we were chilling right here and I was given my boy a haircut next thing you know I'm on the ground

we were like pancakes and flapjacks just flying so is it me or is this kid knowing that his friend is completely mangled in the hospital he's still trying to go viral who talks like that when your friend just got crushed by a pickup truck in the middle of the street am I on drugs

That's what I'm taken away from that statement right there. He's still trying to make a viral video. I don't know how those kids, how they talk. Might have been shocked, too. Yeah, I get really confused even now when I'm around, like, my nieces and nephews. I'm like, is that supposed to be funny? Is that what are you talking about? Sorry, I blew up, but I just cannot stand this crap anymore.

There's some people texting in who drive for a living saying they see distracted drivers constantly on their phone. And where did this other one go? Oh, Bass Slayer Jesus saw a guy using a beard trimmer going 75 on a highway the other day. Triven his beard. We had the little cape over the steering wheel to catch the droppings, you know, the clippings? That'd be hilarious. We are pure and simple living in the dumbest era in the history of life on Earth. Seems that way at times.

And I blame social media for a great majority of the stupidity. just when I thought I could relax, now I got to go this way. Again, with the tic-tac. Talk. Another individual who will simply do or say anything to be noticed for the fame. This gal goes by the name of Mariah. And she was able to grab her internet fame

by making some videos where she claimed that she got fired from working at her neighborhood chick-fil-A. She claimed she got fired from that gig for farting. That's who she wants to be online. She wants to be the gal who got fired for farting. Just go back real quick. If you are named Mariah, it's pretty much a guarantee you're going to be hot, right? I don't know if I've ever met a Mariah that wasn't overly attractive.

I know, pretty few. that aren't. Oh, you're disagreeing. I don't even know if I've ever met one. Maybe the spelling matters, too. Oh, I never even considered there be a loophole there, but... Because I will say the Mariahs I've met that do the M.O. Usually pretty hot.

The M.A? I've only known MAs, and I find them to be very attractive. Oh, wait till you meet an M.O. It's going to blow your mind. I'm going to think the MAs are Uggos all of a sudden. Get out of here, MAs. I didn't even know you could M.O. or Mariah. Oh, yeah.

I dated a gal named Mariah. I remember her. She was awesome. And she was the one who came up with this keeper. She and I were standing sitting, actually. Not that it matters. We were sitting at a beer hall. And some pecker had walked in the bar. And I said, more to myself, but she wasn't.

sitting right next to me. I said, who is that some bitch? Jesus, he looks familiar. And she says, huh? And I said, the guy that just walked in, freaking guy looks so familiar to me. And oh, Christ, now I lost the punchline. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

No, I lost the punchline. Well, while you're thinking about it, she said, I'll put her on the hot Mariahos. Oh, no, I got it. I got it. I got it. Sorry, Josh. I got it. Sorry, for whatever reason, I just had a total block.

So I said, more than once, I said, that guy looks so familiar. Who is he? And she said, yeah, he does look familiar. I mean, not to me, but he looks familiar. What does that mean? That's what I asked her. I think I get it. I said, huh?

Yeah, it makes no sense, but I think I understand what she means. She realized what she had said, and we got to laugh out of it. He does look familiar. I mean, not to me. But I could see why he would look familiar. Yeah. I think I get it. That's fun.

Back to this Mariah character. She made a bunch of videos for social media. I'm going to put this one on the attractive category, so I still have yet to not see an attractive Mariah. I didn't see any pictures of this Mariah. She said she got fired for farting too much while working at her neighborhood Chick-fil-A. That's the character that she wants to be. She made a series of videos where she's working at the restaurant.

She added some fart sound effects and this and that. She mentioned that her manager was complaining about her constant farting. And then she cut loose with a video where she said, Well, I'm fired. And that led people to believe that her farts got her the gas at Chick-fil-A. As ridiculous and stupid as that all sounds, I will give Mariah credit for one thing. After her videos started going round and round, Josh, like they do.

Yep. After her videos started gaining popularity and the social media dorks upped and started making a lot of noise in support of her, Mariah admitted that her I got fired for farting story was mostly nonsense. She got canned because she was a terrible employee. She was late to work a few times. She no-showed a couple of times and on and on from there. She was also warned a few times by the boss for making stupid videos while she's supposed to be working. I wonder maybe people could text in 651-551-933, or you guys can answer the question of the dumbest reason somebody's been fired at one of your jobs.

Holy boss. We've mentioned this before where we've had people here that had to be talked to about their high job. Gene. You had a co-worker, de-laust at one point. Yeah. And the hygiene guy was threatened like, hey, if you don't get this fixed up, we can't keep you around anymore. So he was never fired. And I'm trying to think if there's anything else ridiculous. Well, we've had a few.

Well, I shouldn't say a few. We've had one guy fired for messing around with girls on the Internet. Yeah, crazy bad stuff. Crazy underage girl stuff. we've had the majority of the ways people have gotten fired around here is just being delusional self-centered maniacs. Yeah, that's true. There's been a lot of that.

Dumbest reason. Like getting fired for farting. I'd imagine you could, right, if you just quote-unquote weaponized it. So 651-551-93. Tell us the dumbest reason you or someone you work with got fired. I remember this just came to mind. This maybe was the dumbest reason I ever watched anybody quit. And this was the ass end of 93.7 The Edge.

When I first started here, when Josh first started here, we were 93.7 The Edge. And we played all of the most terrible alternative music you could ever imagine. Oh, boy, did I despise coming in here every day for a lot of reasons. and part of the reason was I hated the music. But it's a job. And I knew deep down that that format wasn't going to last forever. But more than anything, I could adapt, okay? I could adapt.

I could pretend just as well as anybody that I enjoyed that. You see where I'm going with all this. So when we flipped suddenly from alternative music, 93.7 The Edge, to 93X, hard rock. I was excited This one kid who was working on the promotions department I just happened to be standing in the hallway and he's got like a clipboard full of papers he's got everything that he's responsible for that day

he's ready to go to work and he finds out that we have flipped from alternative music to rock music he breaks down into tears and he spikes that clipboard on the floor and he goes, I can't support that style of music oh God I quit. And he ran out of them. We had a few people quit over that.

What are you doing, dude? And I remember, I thought, U.S.A.W.F.T. Soft, son of a bitch. I've gutted out this garbage music for three friggin years. Yeah, I saw a guy. He just upped and quit on the spot. He quit. He freaked out.

I was in here doing, I don't know, I think it was recording commercials for somebody. And he was doing an afternoon shift on the weekends. And I saw him freaking out. thought something terrible happened. So I went to see if he was okay. I'm like, hey, do you need anything? And he's like, I can't work here anymore. There's three-minute guitar solos in every single song we play. He was freaking out about guitar solos. And that was his last shift. He quit. So he also... He couldn't stand the music. He chose R.E.M. over Motley crew. Big time. Oh. Somebody here says they know a person fired for holding a sandwich. You got to give us more

information. I got to know what happened there. Yeah, that's not enough information. We're like holding it in front of their genitalia. Like, hey, you see this foot long? Yeah, how do you get fired for holding a sandwich? They're in a threatening manner? There are some dark stories coming in here, Josh. Oh, are there? Co-workers.

Oh, I like the dark. Me too. Co-workers who were handcuffed and hauled away right in front of all their... Oh, we had that here once. Handcuffed? Yeah. I don't remember that. A guy who ended up firing him back.

Yeah, that's what's ridiculous about this place. And I, by the way, loved the guy, truthfully. He was just such a volatile person when he was younger when they brought him out. The Golden Valley police showed up when we were in Golden Valley. So this is when I first started. Shoot, this is probably 30 years ago, Nick. Oh, easily. Yeah, if we were in the old building and go.

Yeah, that's a long time. So I bet it was 1996. Okay, you guy got handcuffed for what? Just because they were afraid he was going to freak out and be violent. And he does have that temper. Even when he came back, he was much more mild. You'll have to write his name down for me. All right.

I'm sure. That's absolutely bonkers that somebody can get like a little. lead out of the building in handcuffs, and then they can come and work here again. Oh, that's how it works around here? What's going on? Is that why they don't have HR, like, in the building? It would just be too many complaints. They make it difficult to talk to HR.

Actually, we had that forever. As miserable as radio can be, it is the land of second, third, fourth, fifth, and six chances. We had one guy? I just don't, I honestly, my brain can't comprehend it. It seems like a terrible business decision. I mean, that's a good thing. It's good if you need a job. It's good and bad.

I mean, if you get gassed, yeah, that sucks. We had a guy five times. But just know, just know, Ashley. With some time, they'll likely ask you to come back. What's that now? The record, I think, in this building that I'm aware of is five times. Came back. And that guy was volatile.

Talk about volatile. And a lot of the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth chances come. from the simple fact that nobody wants to work in this industry anymore. That's really what it is more than anything. That's a big part of it. Okay, Josh wrote down the name of the guy who got handcuffed and hauled out the building. Yes, now that I see the name in front of me, I do remember that story. I wasn't here to see it.

I watched that happen. Just for the record, I was never afraid of this guy. This guy was a bitch. No, he's not a bitch. There's a couple guys here that were most likely to murder everyone in the building, and we really got along with both of them. I don't know what it says about us, but we were lucky that we were kind of not necessarily immune.

I don't know if that's the right word, but we were not on the hit list. I think because he thought we were nuts too. Maybe that's it. Crazy people seemed to get along with each other. And when I called that guy a bitch, I was joking. I actually always liked him quite a bit. Me too. He's one of my all-time favorites around here.

I think this is the first time in a while where there's nobody that works here where I'm like afraid. I guess afraid of them coming into the building and doing something terrible. Got it have to think about that. Yeah, first time. Yeah, you know what? I don't think we have anyone. Well, people are texting in with the dumbest reasons they or someone they worked with got canned.

We'll have to set aside some time to... Yeah, these are coming quick. Yeah, we'll have to set aside some time because that's a tough question. There's been people who've done some really stupid things around here and maintain their jobs. I mean, a couple of guys decided to drive the station vehicle drunk. A couple of guys stole items from the building. One guy got caught on video stealing items from a different building. That was a good one.

That was a good one. And he had the most unique appearance. There is no way there were two guys that looked like this guy, right? And he breaks into a, like a sporting goods shop and steals a bunch of... And when they showed the bosses the video, doesn't this guy work here? They're like, yeah. I mean, you couldn't mistake this guy. You think he would have put on a ski mask or something for Christ's sake.

We've had some real serious losers. We have. But that's any gig, right? Oh, I'm sure. And plus, you know, we've been here so long, it's inevitable. Inevitable. There's been a couple where you think, how did they keep their job for all the dumb stuff they've done? Mm-hmm.

All right. Enough with all this, you know, our first two stories were idiots trying to be somebody on social media with varying levels of negative results from that. One kid is in the hospital clinging to life because of social media. Another gal lost her job. Finally, with this here story, we can get back. to normal people who do something stupid simply for themselves, like God intended. Not for social media, not for the eighth graders. This guy doesn't need an audience.

He doesn't need clicks and likes from strangers. He's just a good old-fashioned, dangerous derelict jagoff. Last month in Virginia, there was a dude driving one of those motorcycles. The local cops had to yank him over to the shoulder for... speeding. Yeah, dude was going 72 miles per hour and a 25 mile per hour zone. That'll do it. More or less begging to kill a few children and possibly render himself legless in a terrible wreck. You've heard what cops call those guys, right? Organ donors. Yes. Yeah. What did my dad and his truck driving gang? Back in the 70s when my dad was driving truck

and it was kind of like Smokey and the Bandit, you know. Got the CB going. Everybody had a hilarious handle, and they would just talk trash back and forth on the CB. Whenever a lead driver, Josh, you know, because sometimes three, four guys would be in a convoy all headed to the same city, whenever the lead driver would come up on a motorcycle club,

10, 12, 15 guys on. motorbikes, right? The lead guy would always say, Yeah, breaker 1-9, keep an eye out, boys. We got a dirty clothes convention on 35W. They called the biker clubs. They called them a dirty clothes convention. Biological Jesus said they call them donor cycles instead of motorcycles.

Oh, that's good. I know, Nick, you know this story, but back to Golden Valley when we were there 30 years ago. Again with the Golden Valley stores. Golden Valley doesn't get enough attention. It is a nice town. I like Golden Valley. Never had a problem. times I go over there. Right. They still have that Denny's

there? Boy, did we know. No, Christ, they knocked that over 20 years ago. Oh, did they now? But I remember going to Denny's. Yes, I do. Moons over Miami. That was a joke in the building. But I used to have a motorcycle and I'd go in in the morning. Do they still have the Denny's over? I loved that Denny's. I hated that Denny's. I'll tell you why

when you're done with your story. I think I have an idea why. Yeah. So we had a cop that used to sit in the parking lot when they cared about our well-being. He was out there every morning, really to protect... In the radio station. At the station, right. Protect KQ, not us. Truthfully, they cared about that.

Well, KQ wasn't a thing back then. We were here before KQ. Oh, no, no. It was actually the other way around. Go ahead. There was a really famous guy that did radio here. And so the cop came up to me. He's like, hey, I've been meaning to say, you know why I like it that you're wearing a helmet? You said, it's the same reason for all motorcyclists.

It's so that when you get in a crash on a freeway, I can pick up your severed head, and I don't get blood on my hands. And I thought, well, good morning to you as well. Right. I hated that, Denny's, and I know what you're saying. That's the most un-American thing I've heard all morning long. I know it's not right for any American to hate Denny's, but you have to hear me out.

Back in those days, oh, for Christ's sake, we'd get off the air at nine, and all I wanted to do was get our work done for the next day's broadcast so we can escape this misery. I hated the music. I hated the people I was working with. Let's just go to work. As soon as we get off the air at 9, can we just go to work? No, because the low-lifes I was working with at the time,

they had no social life. They were frigging losers. So they wanted to sit at the radio station all day. They had nowhere better to be. So as soon as we get off the air, Hey, you guys want to go to Denny's? No, fat ass, I want to go to work. So we would sit at that Denny's for two.

Two hours. Yes, we'd have our delicious moves over my... But what are we doing here? Can we go back to the radio station and get our work done? So I hated that Denny's for that reason, because we would sit there and sit there and sit there. And the guys that I work with were completely content with that. But it's not there anymore.

Losers! That's infuriating, dude. I thought the other reason would be because that's where the boss at the time would want to have meetings, and it was always something bad. Anytime he said, you want to go get moons over my hammy? I thought, ah, here we go. Here's some more bad news coming in. I never had a meeting with the boss at Denny's.

Yeah, that was kind of where he wanted to go. So here's this guy on the motorcycle. He's going 75 and a 25. Like I said, he's just begging for a terrible tragedy. The cops released the body camera footage from the traffic stop, and the dude came up with a cute but unoriginal excuse for driving like such a Dick. He told the police he was trying to make her to the local McDonald's before they were done serving up breakfast. I was moving a little quick, wasn't I? Way too fast. I was trying to hit the McDonald's breakfast.

I was rushing. I could see you were rushing. 7 and 2, it's way too fast. That's him. For some odd reason, he also told the cops that he woke up late that morning and didn't have time to put on his socks. Why he included that information, I'm not sure. The cops dumped a speeding ticket on the no-sox crotch rocket. What is it again, Josh? Donor cycle? Donor cycle, right.

I never heard that before. There he went. I wonder what the statistics are, legitimate ones. You guys want to go get something to eat at Denny's and sit around for about four hours? Or do you want to, you know? Yes, I'm sorry. The statistics of how many people really do. race to McDonald's because I know it certainly happened.

I found myself once. Everybody's done it. Yeah, and I realized how ridiculous it was. Everybody's done it because damn, that stuff is good. It is. And you're like, you want to hit that 10.30 cutoff because, boy, they can be strict on that. Yeah. I was pretty stoked when they had the all-day breakfast for a while there.

Yeah, that was awesome. I wonder why they went back. You know, I said, look you up and down. I'd like to make you my all-day breakfast. I'll tell you that right now. Is that right? So spicy. Fertilize these eggs over here.

What? Did you just say? As I said it, I realized. Fertilize these eggs, he says. I don't understand how anatomy works. Sports is next. Knock me up, baby. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show.

If I continue to smell what I'm smelling from the crowd, I'm going to be hunting some scotcharoos later in this broadcast. I mean, like, we need ventilation. or this call is going to get a little distorted here in the final stages of this game. Harlan, were you high? No, you could smell it clearly. I mean, it came sifting into our booth. You were clearly high, Harlan.

We can hear you with the giggles. Kevin Harlan, what a terrific play-by-play man. He's great. For decades and decades. He had to go ahead and confirm that he was not stoned while calling Monday night's ball game between the Bears and the Eagles. He was calling the game on the radio In the fourth quarter

And you heard some of the audio there Listeners heard Harlan talk about how the broadcast booth Was overwhelmed by dope smoke I had wondered at the Creed show At Mystic Lake Amphitheater I was wondering if I was going to get a contact high There was so much weed around there I didn't smell any weed at all

It was the previous bands Oh You got there right before or Candlebox Is that when you showed up I got there when Candlebox was playing and boy I was thankful for that. Yeah, it was more like during POD set that it was so powerful. More like POT.

Yeah, it was more like POT. So you smelled some geef? Oh, big time. And you were wondering if you were going to get a contact high. I don't know how possible that is, but I thought if it's possible, it's going to happen here. Oh my damn. At the Creed Show. That's right. All right. What are we doing here? Oh, yeah. Kevin Harlan, he had to step up and say no, he was not stoned. So he and Kurt Warner were broadcasting Monday night's game over the radio

and suddenly the broadcast booth looked like the Allman Brothers dressing room in the 1970s, just thick with weed smoke because some fan who was seated below the broadcast booth was smoking

a big old doobie. So he and Warner got a big kick out of it. They were laughing their nuts off. And you heard that line where Harlan said if I continue to inhale what I'm inhaling from the crowd, I'm going to be hunting some Scotcharoos. I thought that was his go-to snack.

Yeah. Is that a Girl Scout cookie? No. Oh, it's not? Oh, I don't know. Scacharoo is, it's like the peanut butter, rice crispy bar with like the chunk of chocolate. Oh, those are good. Damn, what am I thinking of?

I thought there was a Girl Scout cookie with a similar name. There is a similar name Girl Scout cookie. Yeah, they were both giggling. They had a good time. But people were wondering if they got baked, that contact high that Josh was talking about. Okay. Speaking of football, tonight's episode of Thursday night football, you get the Stillers and the Browns, and we'll tell you about the baseball playoffs here when Randy Shaver swings by.

We will tell you about the opener tonight, Covey. She's tonight already. The first to 84 regular season games for the Man Bear Pigs is tonight in Tennessee, 7 o'clock, on that Wild Plus channel where they play the Predators. And I understand that Pigs head coach John Hines, Snitsky, he's placed a $100 bounty on the head of Tim McCracken.

Get out of town. He's the head coach and Chief Punk on that Nashville team. I called them out on it. I said, a bounty? And Snitsky said, yeah, 100 bucks of my own money for the first of my guys. it really nails that creep. So that's a good reason to tune in right away for the puck drop tonight for the

pig's very first hockey game. Like I said, Randy Shaver will be here in a half hour. Don't go anywhere. Mr. Creed concert pot smoke guy over here, Josh. I'm still feeling the effects. He will be cutting loose with his news report before you know it. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees,

maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialky. He's got over 30 years of. experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode WW CFB. New customers deposit. $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading.

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93X half-assed morning show. Stop be kidding me. Who green lit this garbage? The 93X Half-Ast toy show. And I had gone into bed at 10 o'clock at night. My dog started reacting to a noise outside of my window. When I looked up, there was an Amazon delivery man plastered against my window. It's the classic case of he said, she said.

He said he was just delivering packages for Amazon. She, however, said he's a pervert, pervert who tried to get a look at her sinful parts. Oh, yeah? And while she has a security video to back her side up, he gave the appearance of adjolating to strangers, which is a pretty gross and unusual way to make a delivery. So far... Dude, he literally finished on her window?

It sounds like he was having a history of that. Oh, a history of that. So far, the advantage, she. A Washington state woman said she got the ultimate late-night jump scare when she spotted a grown man leaning against her bedroom window peering. In a typical delivery, real Amazon drivers drop packages at the door. They don't stand by bedroom windows aggressively handling their own. Kathleen says the moment she saw him outside her window, she started yelling for her son.

Then she complained to Amazon, which uses third-party providers and independent contractors for some of its deliveries. Kathleen said she also contacted the Pierce County Sheriff's Office, which is investigating as well. So right now, Amazon's looking into it. The Sheriff's Office is looking into it. And when it comes to Kathleen's bedroom window, she'd like everyone's. to stop looking into it. There was a man outside of my window, and he yelled, it's okay. I'm the Amazon delivery man, to which I said, no, it's not.

No, it's not. For its part, Amazon released a statement saying they will take appropriate action as needed. So he was whacking off? He was whacking off. Forget Florida, man. This week, the Sunshine State's most unhinged breakfast story belongs to a woman. Lee County deputies said 24-year-old Cheyenne Hammond Nadu threatened a dude, made a scene outside a waffle house,

and as a bonus, flashed him her vagina. Waffle old, waffle new, waffle borrowed, waffle blue. Things got cooking when deputies received reports of a man and woman arguing near the Waffle House. They found Hammond Nadeau in an agitated state and took her into custody. According to the report, the man was walking from a bank across the plaza when Hammond Nadeau came up to him, excuse me, and said something he couldn't make out. He told deputies he never met the woman and asked her what she wanted.

That's when she started yelling and Hammondadeau was looking to go. She told him she wanted a fight and she was going to hit him. She marched toward the victim with bald fists while the man pulled out his phone and began recording. But the threats weren't the end of it. Video shows that within minutes, Hammond Nadeau began to waffle. She made a stunning U-turn from wanting to fight to wanting to F. Oh, wow. Suddenly, feeling horny, she lifted her dress and exposed herself.

Were her fists the only thing that was bald? Nope. Everything else was shaved as well. Making statements suggesting she wanted to have sex with him. She did. Statements such as... What a turn of events. I know.

Statements such as, I want to have sex with you. The victim did not want to have sex with her, so we backed away and called law enforcement. That's hilarious. She's going to kick his ass one second. Then she wants to get it on. And she even showed him what they're going to use to get it on. Yeah, like this is what you can have if you want. And what, he ran like hell?

She ran like hell? He ran. Yeah. Called the cops, took off. She might be a little too much for me to handle. Exciting. Why did the lady with the pitchfork crossed the road? It had something to do with chickens and Freddie Kruger, it turns out.

A Pennsylvania man got an unwelcome surprise Saturday when he looked outside and saw his neighbor dragging a pitchfork up and down the store. street threatening to stab him and burn down his house. A trooper arrived to find 58-year-old Susan Shea dancing with the pitchfork and then screaming at her neighbor from the road. So this is another crazy lady. Sounds that way. Yeah. The officer told the defendant to go home, then turned his attention to the witness. I suppose she could just be creative and eccentric, but it sounds crazy. According to the neighbor, Shea had been dragging the pitchfork up and down the pavement outside his property, shouting erratic threats. Her demand? financial compensation for her chickens.

Her ultimatum, if she didn't get paid, she promised to burn down both his house and his son's house with the entire families trapped inside. Did this guy really have anything to do with her chickens? No one had any idea which non-existent hypothetical poultry she was referencing, but that didn't stop her. There were no chickens found. If you take a step toward me,

I'll put this pitchfork right through you, she warned, before threatening to kill the son's dog. The neighbor managed to capture video, the pitchfork-wielding confrontation. On that recording, Shea looks into the camera and declares, You guys are going to have nightmares on my face. I'm the new Freddie Kruger. She was charged with terroristic threats with intent to terrorize another, harassment, and disorderly conduct. The new Fred Krueger.

Yeah, I guess the reboot. Kind of like with Ghostbusters. When they rebooted with female Ghostbusters, it's the... Well, you know what? Halloween's coming up. Sexy Freddy Krueger. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's sexy enough as it is, but I could see a couple enhancements he could make. I fell in love Josh was there. I fell in love with a female Freddie Kruger on Halloween about 27 years ago. I remember her, and I could see why.

My damn. Apparently, this is a big day for fictional killers. 52 years ago, on this day, October 1, 1974, Leatherface reved up the chainsaw for the first time when Toby Hookewarm. Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre opened in theaters. God, I still love that movie. A movie made for roughly a hundred grand, which went on to gross, about 30 million. The studio execs put on a happy face while leather face put on someone else's. Then 32 years later, in 2006, Showtime introduced one of my all-time favorite shows, Dexter,

where a blood spatter analyst by day is a serial killer by night who only goes after people who really deserve it. There you go. Two siblings in Texas were recently cuffed and locked up over a dispute over produce. A fruit fight so fierce, it devolved into death threats. The incident happened about 7 p.m. a week ago today in Waco where both siblings went wacko. That night, officers responded to a domestic disturbance involving 20-year-old Brisea White and her brother, 18-year-old Lamarian Gertman. I'll be damned.

To hear White tell it, the altercation began when she confronted Gertman for devouring grapes that she had just bought. The moment she mentioned the fruit, Gertman blew his top and started screaming. He kept berating her, even as she retreated into another room, shut the door, and locked him out. That didn't end the argument,

because Gertman furiously pounded on the door until he punched a hole straight through it. White warned Gertman that if he tried to break in, she would mace him. But she didn't wait for his next move. She yanked the door open to save it from further damage and blasted him right in the face with the pepper spray. Gertman managed to block the chemical spray with his jacket, setting the

stage for Act 2. He immediately started popping White's head, landing heavy punches on the side of her face while snarling, I'm going to kill you. And for a moment, it appeared assaulting White's head was the end of it, but it wasn't. She was ready to go on the offensive. White wriggled free from her brother's grip by unleashing a counter punch to his face, bringing that brawl to a sudden end. When interrogated by police, Gertman confirmed the grapes of wrath, but the rest of his narrative diverged. The teenager told investigators his sister was the one who flew off the handle first, alleging that she started battering his face over the missing grapes. Gertman said he knew he was heading to jail, but claimed his memory of the assault.

It was a little hazy because he blacked out from pure rage. Unfortunately, there was a third sibling in the house who got swept up in the family fruit fight. The younger sibling revealed that White slapped him across the face when he tried to step between the pair to break him up. The older brother corroborated that story confirming the younger brother was caught in a slap from White, and that ain't right. White initially denied putting hands on her younger brother, but eventually admitted her role in the violence. A good old brother, sister, all-out fist fight. I've seen one of those before. It's a lot of laughs. Over grapes.

Yeah, you know, if you ever have me, if you ever have to, you. me over at your house, I absolutely promise you, the last thing you have to worry about is me eating all of your grapes. You got to worry about that with me. I love grapes. What do you want? Diarrhea or something? Dude, I love them. I could easily, I easily have a whole pack one day. And I'm like, what's wrong with myself. I don't know what a pack is. You know, like a pound of grapes. You can eat a pound of grapes? Yeah. Impressive. I just get going and they're so good and they don't stop being good. How soon is it? How much toilet paper do you go through? Yeah, I was just going to ask. I eat a lot of cheese, so it balances out.

Ah, yeah. Smart. Very smart. Grapes and cheese, I'm like, I'm picturing Josh, one of those old movies about Caesar or something. Yeah, I'm picturing you can kick ass with a charcutory tray. Dude, that is like my favorite snack ever. My mom used to do that when I was a kid, too, like just some grapes and cheese and maybe a couple crackers on the side. God, I wish I would have grown up rich.

That was awesome. Oh, speaking of that, have you guys heard of those cotton candy grapes? Yes. No. Those are so good. Those are good. I don't even want to hear it. I want to tell you because my wife bought some and we're still paying them off. Dude, they're so expensive.

Oh, yeah, they are expensive. So good, though. There are grapes that taste like cottons candy? I don't know. I didn't eat any of them. Oh, Josh, you got to have some of those. It was like $10 a grape, Ashley. Yep, it is.

It's true. You didn't eat any. No. That's a special occasion. I don't deserve that. A special occasion, grape. That's too indulgent for me. Are you still in training?

A 74-year-old Florida woman became a knife-wielding nightmare during an argument with her husband over hose. According to a witness, Cynthia Cornell and her spouse were bickering about a busted garden hose before moving the family drama into the cozy shed, they call home. The witness overheard Correll casually announced multiple times she was planning to murder the guy. Seeking an escape from his berserk betrothed, the husband retreated to the bed to lie down in their shed. But the bone-chilling fury didn't stop at the shed door.

Holding a blade, Correll closed in. She pressed the knife directly to his chest, screaming at him to get out or die. Then she turned the threat into action, wildly swinging at his chest as he scrambled up and fled the shed to a house on the property to sound the alarm. What was she swinging again? A knife. Hell no. Correll's husband told police that he went into the shed to lay down when she approached him holding that knife. Police said the whole romantic dispute went as the witness claimed it started over a malfunctioning water hose.

He went to lie down. She showed up with cutlery. Cops answered with Calvary. Speaking to cops, Correll admitted to the argument but insisted she didn't hurt him this time. Later claiming she only wanted her husband out of the shed because she feared she might snap. And it turns out she was right. After a trip to the hospital for medical clearance, she was booked into jail. I think this is a first, Josh. I don't remember you ever coughing up a news report with so many violent women. Yeah.

I guess you're right. There's a couple of them out there, including the last two. It was on this day 55 years ago in 1971. Walt Disney World opened in Orlando. Well, I'll be down. Never been there. You haven't? Nope.

Disneyland or Disney World? You would love it. There's an old African proverb, often misdistributed to the accused ax murderer Lizzie Borden, actually, which says, if you think you're too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito, meaning sometimes the smallest things can make the biggest impact. Just asked a firefighter named Autumn Kelso in St. Pete Beach, Florida, who's now a Guinness World Record holder for being the shortest woman in the firefighting business. Before she ever pulled on the turnout gear,

she spent her 20s in the corporate world. Then friends nudged her toward the fire service, and she's now a five-year veteran. At just four feet, 10 inches tall, going for a height record started as a firehouse joke until a colleague looked it up and realized she actually qualified. Her size, it turns out, comes with perks, she said. I'll climb on whatever I need to,

and her colleagues have a nickname for her, Spider-Monkey. Her message to anyone who's ever been told they don't measure up, don't let other people define your limits, she said. One more little note. Pennsylvania firefighter Vince Brasco holds the male equivalent record at four feet, two inches, but with a thick nine incher. Oh, nice. Good for him. Now on Hulu, the streaming premiere of Soulmate.

It's in the same universe as the Megan Movies, where a grieving engineer programs an AI companion bot to act as a soulmate, but she gets real, real jealous of the people in his life. Then tonight on Thursday Night Football on Prime Video, the Browns host Karen and the Steelers. According to SportingNews.com's list of the most hated active quarterbacks, Aaron Rogers finished second, only behind Deshawn Watson of the Browns. The Vikings didn't come out unscathed.

New Vikings' QB, Kyler Murray, took the 20th spot of the most hated active quarterbacks. A lot of folks hate his guts. Yeah, I guess so. I'm kidding. I've never heard anyone say anything bad about the guy. I've heard a couple things, mostly from Baker Mayfield. But yeah, apparently some people don't like the guy. Baker Mayfield?

I thought there were teammates in college. Well, they were giving each other crap. Oh, so just sarcastic. Jack Gellifanakis, who in a movie once simulated in infant masturbating is 57. Major League Baseball Hall of Famer Rod Carew, 81. Hey, there you go. You ever see a baby do something like this? Happy birthday to Oliver, turn in the big 09 today.

Hope school goes fast and your proud parents want you to know the fried chicken tonight will be endless. And happy birthday to Kimberly from Killer Jesus. That's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. He's a dance. This should do it.

The Padre has just really dominated the comes in these two games to sweep this wild card series. It's in two. Swing! Since 2005, the Chicago White Sox have won a postseason series. It's early in Japan. They're celebrating with you. Anything you want to say to them?

Yeah, he's drunk. He's drunk. Ah, I'm drunk. But he's drunk. Yeah, yeah, yesterday, maybe hangover, you know? Hangover. Yes. No, no, yesterday, tomorrow.

Yeah, sorry. I don't speak English. You don't need the translator. Congratulations, Bruner. Thank you. on my time! Good news, everyone. They got to keep winning.

Good news. Munitaka Mirakami has been drinking again. He is... Is this guy the best or what? He is really good. He's awesome. So joyous. I hate myself.

I do. I deep down, Josh, all the way down to the core, I hate myself because I didn't follow this guy at all during the baseball season. I had no idea the character that was out there available to me. until the Until that Celebration, I hadn't heard of him either Oh, I mean, I'd heard of him

But I didn't know he had this unbelievable Drunken personality There you go, hi Randy Shaver Good morning He says there a couple times He is drunk But is he, wait a minute At first, he's trying to say

I'm drunk, but he says he's drunk He's drunk Yeah, he got around to it the proper I'm drunk And then You heard why he had trouble, right? No. I don't speak for English.

Oh, right, exactly. The Chicago White Sox, they ended up closing out the Houston Astros yesterday by finalist 7 to 3. By the way, Miracami did go 0 for 5 with three strikeouts. That doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Well, when you're that hungover, it's got to be tough. He's going to have a hangover tomorrow.

Well, first he said yesterday, but what he meant was tomorrow. First time since 2005 that the White Sox are moved. moving on. And yeah, this just changes everything for me. Like I've said many times, I was born and raised on hatred for the Chicago White Sox. And now this Miracami has me looking at things in a completely different way. Yeah. Other results from the wildcard round yesterday, the game twos, these are best of threes now.

Philadelphia got a win over Atlanta by a final final of four or three. so those two clubs will play their deciding game tonight. Final score from the other American League Wild Card Series. The defeated the 9 to 3, 9 to 2. That series is over. Randy, the club that you picked to... Yeah. Sunny Gray was not happy.

I watched that game last night. He pissed pretty well. Boston could not figure out Max Fried last night. just did not. Their offense in this two-game set just disappeared completely. If I'm not mistaken, they lost 9-0-0 and 9-2. That's correct. It's the largest margin of victory by a team in the Wild Card series in history, the 16 runs. Sonny Gray said last night after the game, he was pissed because the manager pulled him with less than five innings and only six. 76 pitches.

And their bullpen, and it was only like one to nothing when they pulled him or two to nothing maybe. And their bullpen just exploded, which included Crochet, who made his first appearance since April and got shelled. And so. Guy hasn't done Dick Tracy since April and they put him in? That's right. That's a terrible call. Well, he was healthy. He's, apparently he was, you know, he was.

was ready to go. They took a chance. It didn't work. But Gray was mad because he, first of all, their bullpen was the best in major league baseball this year. Okay. And the Yankees clobbered them, both games. And Sonny Gray was the best in major league baseball for pitchers who have success the third

time through the batting order. Wow, those are some deep statistics right there. And he was upset that the manager took him out before he had a chance to go the third time through the order. Yeah, he had a good track record in that department. I can understand why he was upset. So he was not happy. But it didn't really matter. The Red Sox just offensively could not do anything against the Yankees.

Friggin' Yankees. Moving on. And I mean, the heartbreak. The heartbreak, Josh. that I feel for the Chicago Cubs. I know, you've always liked them. Oh, my God. It is such a shame that they were swept in two games by the San Diego Padres.

So here's how it sets up. We still have one series, like I said, Philadelphia and Atlanta. They've got to settle things. But here's how the bracket looks as of this morning. And you've got, in the American League, you've got a couple of divisional rivalries here. The Chicago White Sox now move on to take on the Cleveland Guardians and the New York Yankees.

now faced a number one overall Sheed Tampa Bay. What do they call their team again? The race. The race. So would you be a person who would say, you know what, let's reshuffle for the second round? Let's do highest seed against lowest seed and not have it preset like this.

Oh, I don't know. Oh, I think I would. I'll go along with whatever you say. I would rather see, I'd rather see the White Sox go play the race. They're the sixth seed. They should play the one seat. And the four seats should go play the two seed.

I don't know why they have it set up like this because, yeah, you get division teams and that kind of thing. But I don't know. I think it would be much more interesting if you had the higher seed go play the lower seed that way. Fair enough. I mean, it seems like no matter how they put together these playoff brackets and basketball, basketball, baseball, football, and what's the other sport I'm missing? Hockey. It seems like someone's always got a problem with the way it's set up.

What you're saying makes perfect sense to me, Randy Schaever, but whatever, whatever they decide, I'll be a sucker and just follow it along. The San Diego Padres now move on to take on the number one seat on the National League side. That is the Milwaukee Brewers. Now, I know that there's probably a lot of people in Milwaukee who would have rather seen the Cubs in that series because of their rivalry and how close they are. What are they? It's a handful of miles apart.

So that would have been special, but no, the Cubs wet the bed. And like I said, I'm terribly heartbroken by that. So the Brewers and Padres will be the next matchup. Listen to this now. The Houston Astros, who were gassed yesterday by Chicago and our guy, Munitaka Murakami, who was drunk, he admitted it. The Houston Astros, some of these guys are so SAWFT soft.

It's just shameful. Some members of the Houston Astros complained that their home fans at the ballpark didn't provide enough energy for them in this series. Oh, God. And they got booed. Yeah. People always get behind you after a statement like that.

Oh, absolutely. Yes. Fans who are shelling out three, 400 bucks for a baseball game, they love it. They realized they were wrong. Yeah, yeah. They didn't provide us enough. God, I hate that frigging gimmick.

And we got booed. So there you go. That's why they lost the series. Oh, nut up, will you? Blame it on the fans. Who watched a 500 baseball team make of the playoffs? Yes, exactly.

Sounds like they lit the world on fire. I'm going on. Josh, again. So cute. Cute? Yeah, I love it. It's just like childlike wonderment. Just like how excited he gets.

Maybe he never got drunk when he was living in Japan. I don't know. Maybe America turned him into a drinker. I don't know. His background that well. I'm drunk, he says. He's drunk yesterday, hung over yesterday. Go white socks, man.

Can you believe what I'm saying out loud? Go white socks. Win the whole frigging thing. Hey, here's something baseball related, Randy Shaver, that Josh mentioned earlier. Today, Rod Carew turns 81 years old. Lesson. Hang in there, Rod.

Probably the first baseball player that I ever fell in love with growing up here in Minnesota. Yeah. He was the first baseball player that I truly was in awe of. Yeah. Because when I was, when Rod was a hot shot here with the twins, I was young enough to where I wasn't yet aware of Harmon Killebrew. I wasn't yet aware of the guys from the 60s. I was a child of the 70s.

So Rod Carew was the guy where I would be mesmerized by him on television. My first exposure to the twins was actually through the board game stratomatic baseball. Oh, God, yeah, you're going way back. And my best, one of my good friends, Jim Eppel, was a huge twins fan. So he always had the twins as his team. And so that was my first exposure to the names. I didn't even, I didn't pay it. I was a National League guy.

I was a Cubs fan growing up. And so that was my first exposure was through that. And then obviously I've had a chance to be around Rod and visit Rod out in California and do stories with him and interviews. And, you know, just a great guy. Just a real, I love listening to him. tell stories about baseball and during his era and facing Nolan Ryan and those kind of things. It's just, uh, didn't Nolan Ryan say that Rod Carew was the toughest out of his career?

Yes, and Rod loves that. He loves that story. I'd like that too. Yeah. So. Happy birthday, Rodney. I always like him when people call him Rodney, too. Yeah, yeah. Oh, for Christ's sake, now I can't think of the long time. Herb Carniel always referred to him as Rodney. Tom Kelly, I've heard.

Well, Tom Kelly calls everyone by their full name. Yeah, he does. Do you know why his name is Rod Carew? Talk to me. He was born on a train. And the doctor's name was, I believe, Rod K, what's his middle name? Maybe Dana can look it up. His doctor's name.

I don't know why you're putting that on Dana, but. Well, I don't have... I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Internet friend. But his doctor's name was, I think, Dr. Rod Caroo or Dr. Rod something. Rodney Klein. Yep.

Rodney Klein. His, I believe the doctor's name was Rodney Klein. Hang on a second. There happened to be a doctor on the train to help deliver Rod. That's correct. His mother decides to push him out. The mother names him after the doctor. The doctor was Dr. Klein.

Dr. Rodney Klein. Yep. Oh, the doctor was Rodney Klein. hilarious. No, I'd never heard that story, but born on a train. Born on a train. A passenger train. Correct. Okay. It'd be kind of odd if it was a freight train, and it just happened to be a pregnant woman and a doctor together riding the rails. But, okay, so a passenger train.

Yep. Well, that's unbelievable. Never heard that. Happy birthday, Rodney Carreux. Rodney Klein, Carroo. All right. It's their rink. It's their ice, and it's their F in town. Tonight the pigs are going to play the opener in Tennessee. The first of 84 regular season games now. They've tweaked it. Were you aware of that, Randy Schaeber, that now it's 84 as opposed to? I think we had the discussion at the end of last year.

I can't remember why, and I don't really care, but the first of 84 regular season games. Are you all set for this? Oh, yeah. I have no idea where to find them. Oh. They're on a television channel call. Wild Plus. I think that was a thing

last year, too, wasn't it? Wild Plus? Anyone remember? So that's not the same thing as Fan duel? Fan duel or whatever. Okay, maybe this is brand new. I don't remember. But yeah. I think it's brand new because last year I believe they were on fan duke. Okay. Yeah, they were. I'll go along with it.

All right. I guess I'll have to find out today if I have that channel or if they want some money for me or whatever. You know how I struggle keeping up with all of this these new and different ways to watch sports on television. At this point, kind of everybody does, though. I am right there with you.

Okay. So I'll All right, I was wrong. I thought this was a... I don't think this is a main cable channel. All right. Well, look it up. And seeing how it's game one,

and I know, I mean, some of you think about hockey 24-7. Some of us have to get warmed up to it year after year and seeing how this is game one. I think it's only fair if Charleston Chief's goaltender. Dennis Lemieux, again, taught us the rules of hockey. What is iceing? I sing happened when the puck come down, bang, you know,

before the other guys, nobody there, you know. My arm goes comes out, then the game stopped and start up. What is high sticking? Ice sticking happened when the guy take the stick, you know, when he go like that. You know, you don't do that. You don't do that. Oh, no, never, never.

Why not? Against the rules. You know, you're stupid when you do that. Just some English pig with no brain at all, you know. What is slashing? Slashing is like that, you know. And there's a penalty for that? Yeah.

And for a trip also, you know, like that, and for hook like this. And for spear, you know, like that. All bad. Bad. You do that, you go to the box, you know, two minutes by yourself, and you feel shame, and then you get free. So there you go. Some of those penalties you might see called tonight.

That's the best way to watch hockey. You just explain it. They're playing in Tennessee against a Nashville predator, of course, without old Phil Gustavs and the goaltender, without Brock Faber. We told his terrible story yesterday. Right. Anyone see any updates on that situation?

Have not. No. All right, fair enough. We'll let the guy heal. But here we go. It's hockey season. October 1. Okay, people are saying you can find

tonight's game on Prime. You can find it on that wild plus. Is it a national game? People are saying it's extra like you add on to Prime Video. Your subscription. If you have Prime Video, you can get yourself an ad-on. It's 20 bucks a month or 100 for the year.

Yeah, I think that sounds familiar now. Okay. Well, Cubby, I'm going to need you to come on. The game starts at 7 and I'm going to need you to stop by my place around 6.30. I'll be there. So we can set you up. Otherwise, I'll have no idea. There is a good chance that I will not be able to see tonight's game. How are you going to find the Timberwolves?

Because that has to be even harder to find that the wild. I've got some time for that. Randy Schaber, I don't know. I don't understand that. We've got a week, right? Isn't it a week from today? Or no, maybe even on Monday. Yeah, it's...

What? No. They open, NBA starts on the 20th. Yeah. You might not be looking at practice games. Yeah, preseason. Oh, I don't follow that. But yeah, I got a couple three weeks before I got to get involved in the...

This stuff is such a nightmare. I know it is. It's too bad. But the opener makes me think of, you know, it brings back fond memories of... I mean, once Josh and I rode tripped for the Pigs opener, we went to Chicago to see him play. And remember, we were staying in separate hotel rooms. Remember, Josh, I went up to your room later that night

and you were dressed in chicks clothes. You had on this black bra with... You have to be more specific. You were dancing around in front of a mirror with like this kind of zebra skin jockstrap. Oh, my. Remember, I screamed at you when you started coming on to me and I said, Jesus, Joe, I mean, Josh, I'm ashamed of you. Okay, now I'm remembering something. Yeah, yeah.

And then there was, you know, I don't remember who it was, but the first NHL player I ever interviewed. And I asked him, I said, why would someone with your background still be playing hockey? and he said, I hate my father. And I said, you do. And he said, yeah, I was having problems at home. And I said, you are? And he said, I just said I was, didn't I? Primarily sexual problems.

I'm very perverse. Tuesday night, the Edmmental Oilers played their season opener. An oiler defenseman, Evan Bouchard, did something that hadn't been seen in nearly 50 years. He dumped a legit hat trick on the Vancouver Canucks. No empty netters in there. or else I'd have a completely different tone in my voice. A legit hat trick in the opener. So he became the first defenseman to put together a hat trick in a season opener

since Mark Howe did it for the Hartford Whalers in 1980. One of Gordy's kids. Wow. One of Gordy Howe's kids. And Mark Howe wasn't just Gordy's kid. He was a terrific player. He was an outstanding player. nearly 50 years since a defenseman got a hat trick.

You guys probably don't know this, but do you... I believe this is a true story. Mark Howe's career damn near ended in the early 80s, and it was just one of the ugliest things you'll ever effing here. If I have... And if you're an old school hockey guy and I go sideways here, text. 6-5-1-551-93-93. I believe this was Mark Howe.

He was playing in the early 80s. I believe he was with Hartford and playing with his dad, actually. Gordy was on that. There were maybe three Howes on that roster. But remember how Gordy was playing into his 50s for the Hartford Whalers, Randy Shaver? Yes, sir. Okay, so Mark's playing with his dad. And there might have possibly been another Howe brother.

I think his name was Marty or something. It doesn't matter. Mark Howe goes sliding. into the net, you know how players do when everyone's rushing the, he goes sliding into the net ass first. And there was some sharp part of the frame of the net that stabbed him up his bottom. And he nearly never came back from that. So wait a minute. So there was a piece of wire. Not wire, like part of the framing of the net. Not wire, it's steel.

What do they make a goal out of? I don't know. Iron steel? What is that? What you're saying? He slid in backwards and it perfectly went. Yes. Oh, my.

Yes. Man, one in a million shot, Doc. Into his friggin' wazoo. So I have, first off, what the hell is a net made out of? Is it steel? Is it iron? What is it? Steel? And so there was some jagged, there was some jagged part of the framing of the net that I believe held the net in place.

And it went up as can full speed backwards. Okay. He needs to have the lawyer that Zach Gillop. He does. For the athletics. That's a callback to yesterday's story where a baseball player is suing the ballpark where he got injured. That's correct. But seriously, I believe I've got the right player and the right story.

So he was impaled up his bottom. Oh, my. Come on. What could that have even been? That sounds dangerous from the start. Well, it was the early 80s. There were a lot of dangerous things going on, rules and regulations in the NHL that now would appear to be insane, right? You didn't have to wear a helmet.

For Christ's sake, the equipment that they used was garbage. So, like I said, I believe it was. some type of a hook or something to hold the... It looks like the spike that holds the goal in there. Oh, so the net was off the ground? Oh, I thought it was in the back of the net. But again, I haven't thought about this story in 30 years. So you're talking about...

That's what Google's saying here. I haven't seen the video. He took it right in the corn pocket. And he damn near never made it back to the ice. Man. There were... He was in the hospital. I mean, they had to staple his friggin pipe back together.

What a friggin. We're getting texting the NHL. They redesigned the goals. Yes, they did. After that incident, the NHL went back to the drawn board and took all the sharp, deadly pieces. As they should have. As they should have from the word go.

Yeah. Seriously. Okay. So people are telling me I got the right guy. Good, good. I thought that was Mark How. Yeah. someone's asking, did he sue them?

I don't know. I don't remember anything about that. Probably not. People didn't sue like that back of the day like that. Can you even imagine? No. I mean, like Dana said, I mean, the luck, the bad luck there? Yeah, I mean, I could have taken it in the thigh. So many things have to go wrong.

Stabbed me in the ass cheek and I probably would have been back on the ice after, you know, 10 minutes. But he took it. It was. He went to prom with that goal. Man, if that happened today, that clip would just be on replay all the time. Change the way they built the nets. So no other player had to go through what Mark Howe went through. He really took one for the team.

Son of a bit. And his dad is on the bench going, oh, my God. Where's all that blood coming from? I don't want to tell you, Dad. I don't want to tell you. No, it got me in the thigh. No, no, that's definitely up your butt. Jesus, you know, I was just drinking with an old buddy of mine.

God dang. And we're telling old war stories again about our wilder days. Oh, we were on a boat and dude was, you know, sitting kind of on the very ass end of the boat. You got your swim pad and you got that lower deck there that kind of hovers above the I-O. He was sitting on that portion of the boat. the back edge of the boat. And we're horsing around, we're drinking. Somebody grabbed his legs, right?

So he's sitting on the back of the boat with his legs in the water. Someone who was already in the water grabbed his legs to pull him into the drink. Oh, no. And his behole got caught on an exposed screw or something. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And, you know that old Spice Girl's song, Josh, two becomes one? Oh, that's what happened. Oh, no.

Oofda. and hey this is you guys will enjoy this because it all comes back to sports right so he completely opens up his perennium by being dragged across this screw he's only wearing a swimsuit he gets drug into the walk of course we're young and dumb and we think we're tough all he does is he uh finds a roll of toilet paper somewhere on the boat and just puts the world's biggest male tampon back there to soak up the blood because he wants to keep drinking, right? Sometimes you just got to call it. For sure.

Dana, I was there, and I wish you would have gone immediately to the emergency room, but he didn't. So he kind of tries to repair it himself, doesn't go to the doctor. The next morning, he and a buddy are driving to Chicago. And yeah, they made it. And he said it was ungodly, trying to just sit in that passenger seat with that open wound down there. But here's the best part of the story. Because they're both stupid, they didn't think about it.

They pulled into Chicago right as the Chicago Bulls had just won one of their world championships, right? So they're trying to navigate around Chicago, and there's hundreds of thousands of derelicks in the street raising hell because the Bulls have just won the, and some hard-ons come over and start rocking their car. And so now the guy with the broken taint is being rocked in the, and he rolls the window down and he says, you don't understand. You're killing me right now. You're killing me.

I'll hear some of the text hit in and said, The Real Men of Genius. Congratulations, Mr. Mail Tampon Inventor. We were just talking about those old beer commercials the other day, weren't we? Those were great. Yep. Just their luck, they pull them to Chicago and get their car almost turned over by Bulls fans while he's profusely bleeding out of his perennium.

Did he ever go to the hospital? Yes, he had it fixed a few days later. A few days later. That's incredible. And the doctor said, okay, wait a minute. How long did you wait before? Is it infected, Doc? Yes, multiple times and multiple places.

for multiple days. Yeah. I didn't even ask him. I should have asked him. How did you deuce there for a couple of days? What was that like? Oh, my God. It's falling out of places that you didn't know.

Tonight's edition of Thursday Night Football features the Stillers and the Browns and Randy Shaver, degenerate gambler that you are, just in case you were thinking of putting money on tonight's game. A listener, how should I say this? A listener forwarded this information. to us this morning. The Stillers are 0 and 9 when they are on the road on Thursday night football.

Huh? Okay. I think for me, I'll take the under in this game. Okay. The number is 40 and a half. Okay. Neither club has the greatest offense in the world. Not really.

In both teams are good defensively. I don't know. That's kind of a tough call. 40 and a half is only 21 to 20 or something like that. Yeah, I think I'd take the under. All right, that's tonight's game. It feels like a field goal game tonight. Sure.

Stillers, Browns. But you get a chance to watch Karen, which is great. I'm going to try to watch the pigs. I'm not going to watch Karen for Christ's sake. Oh, come on. You know you want to. Josh, I came up to Josh's hotel room. He's got a little leopard print, like a zebra print, little jock strap on.

I wish you would have taken a picture. And I said, for Christ's sake, Josh, I'm ashamed of you, is what I said. Oh, here's a text from Savage Beast Jesus. I don't know if anyone on the panel knows this information. We're going to go back to talking perenniums. Didn't former WWE superstar X-Pock once tear his Bhole in half while doing a Bronco Buster? Oh, that sounds familiar. It does.

That Bronco officially busted. I don't know. I don't know that story. What did he get it caught on somebody's nose ring or something? How did he, how do you? He just spread his legs too much. Oh, it looks like the opponent moved out of the way, and he hit it at just the worst possible angle,

and part of the turnbuckle is exposed. I like the title of the YouTube video, wrestler rips anus in match You know what you're going to get Yeah He broke his He broke his taint on the turnbuckle Yes

Okay Well that's better than doing it on somebody's nose ring Oh I would hate to be the guy whose nose ended up in that spot Well that's kind of how the Bronco Buster was designed Now I don't

I don't live in this world Back to the Pittsburgh Stillers I don't live in this world but former Stiller's head coach, Mike Tomlin, has upped and shown the world his Minecraft city. Yeah, that's right, verbiage. He released a video. Is he going to be continuing to release these videos?

I thought I read he might keep doing this. Yeah, he started his own YouTube channel. Okay, we mentioned this a couple weeks ago, I think, that since Mike Tomlin isn't involved in coaching football anymore, Well, I guess even before, even while he was still coaching, he started playing the video game Minecraft, which I know absolutely nothing about, but you build a city. You can build anything you want, really. Okay. And so Tomlin said a couple weeks ago, he's like, yeah, I'm really into it.

I play it with my kids. But I haven't shown anyone what I've been designing for years. Well, yesterday he did. And if you're into that kind of thing, people are saying, wow, Mike Tomlin is really good. good at this, this Minecraft thing. Yeah, he blew people away with the detail on some of this stuff. And I think people also are saying it's just cool to see a human side of an NFL coach that's not just, I drink six cups of coffee as soon as I wake up, I sleep in my office, you know. Nice to see some guy's got some hobbies. Well, he's working now for NBC, so he's got a little bit of

extra time to spend. He's been working it for nine years. That's impressive. 12. 12 years, my bad. Yeah, for me, running. All right, it says here, says here the Vikings went ahead and signed two intriguing running backs. Let's see if we agree with that. You know, Aaron Jones can't do it all himself, right? Well, and he's injury prone too.

Yeah. Not as injury prone as JJ McCarr. I think I have this correct. They signed a kid called Audric Estime. Estime. I think that's right. He went to Notre Dame. He's played for the Argonauts and the Broncos.

and this and that. Yep. Also coming here from New Orleans, a running back by the name of Devin Neal. Devin Neal. Yeah. He's played 10 games. So are you intrigued?

Yeah, Devin Neal, yes. Oh, you're on intrigued. Yeah. I mean, what they've done is bring two guys in with NFL experience. Yeah. Not that DeMond Claiborne can't produce for them at the running back position, but he's a rookie.

And I think they feel probably a little bit more comfortable having some veteran experience at that position until Jordan Mason gets back off the IR. So, you know, I just think it's a good safety net for them. And one of the reasons why is they're running the football much more than they have in the past. The story says here, deeply, deeply troubled head coach Kelvin O'Connor is hoping that he can find a running back or two. then of course that can carry the football properly, but he's also looking for dudes who can pass block. So Kyler Murrah doesn't end up in the emergency room

like in the opening game of the season. Well, that's going to be the danger now because you've got really two proven quarterbacks and then Max Brosmer, who played some last year, but he's certainly not in the same category as Carson Wentz and Murray. So they've got to try to keep him upright, keep him healthy. that's going to be a big issue for them this year

is to keep their quarterbacks healthy. Real quick, if you don't mind us, going back to Mark Howe, who destroyed his taint on the ice in the early 80s playing in the National Hockey League. One listener texted in to say that he's heard this story many times because he grew up in Michigan. Oh, it's medical device, Jesus.

And he said, Gordy Howe used to tell the story about Mark. Mark was his son, is his son. And the story was that Mark lost four pints of blood. Oh, my. That is terrible. Out of his... Says here now the Vikings went ahead. No, wait a minute. I did that already. For the second week in a row, a Vikings player has been named Special Teams Player of the Week this time around. It's a fellow called Miles Price. He returned a punt for a touchdown against the Buccaneers on Sunday, don't you know?

He's a fabulous player. Yeah. Great player. He looks like he can run at a high speed. You knew it was a matter of time. If you watched him last season, you knew it was going to going to happen. Oh, I did not know he played for the Vikings last. He looks very agile. Sprite. Very Devin Hester-like. So last week, cornerback Isaiah Rogers was the special teams player of the, and now it's this Miles Price. And it says here the Vikings are three and how to start the season, and a large part of their success has been stellar play on special teams. Speaking of stellar special

teamers. I think we'll draw Jack with Depot tomorrow. Yeah. We should ask him about Miles Price and ask him about his fellow special team guys. You know what, Randy? I don't think so, because that's exactly what he'd be suspecting. Oh, you want to throw him off

his game? Yeah. Let's talk to him about ruining your life playing hockey when you skate backwards into a net. You want to talk about taints? Yeah, sure. Yeah. We talk about nuts with him a couple weeks ago. We might as well move on to the tank.

Oh, he won't be suspecting that. No. He'll never suspect it. Real quick back to the Mike Tomlin, former Steelers coach, now NBC analyst who started playing Minecraft 12 years ago. Somebody made a point out the stats. So the first seven years of his career, two Super Bowl appearances, one Lombardi trophy,

five and three in the playoffs. And then starting in the year that he discovered Minecraft in 2014, zero Super Bowls, zero Super Bowl trophies, and three and nine in the playoffs. Oh, my. Put down the controller. Yeah, man. I love it. That's hilarious.

So, Josh, you were saying you looked up that Xbox video where he destroyed his Bhole on a misplaced Bronco Buster. And the title of the video was, I think it said, WW. Here, one second. Yeah. Because I've got a video title. Everyone's going to want to look. this up. So the title again of Xbox video? Wrestler rips

anus in match. Okay. Which you could take a couple different ways, I guess. A listener by the name of AOL Jesus, pardon me, aOL.com Jesus, says we should all look up this video. The title is Horse Kicks, Tree, Farts on Dog, then runs away.

Somebody has had us look this up before. That's got everything in it. Have you seen that, Ashley? Horse kicks, tree, farts on dog. All of that is true? Yeah. Would you show it to us when we go off air? Absolutely.

I mean, I've seen a horse kick a tree. You've never seen a horse fart on a dog. Right? Josh, have you ever watched a horse? It's been viewed 75 million times. Yeah, that's what AOL Jesus said. I like where the deer beats the piss out of that guy while his wife reprimands him.

Yeah, that was a good one. Those kangaroo ones where they're beating folks up are pretty cool. I don't know. I haven't seen one kangaroo. I like it. when the cat and the duck together ride on top of a Zumba. And then I think the duck takes a dump and then the video ends. Anyway, horse kicks, tree, farts on dog, runs away.

Here you go, Randy Shaver. I got a trivia question for you. All right. Only one starting quarterback has not been sacked yet this season. Who is that quarterback? Oh, gosh. Only one starting quarterback has not been sacked yet this season. Who is he?

I couldn't tell you. I guess I don't know. It is Brock Purdy of the San Francisco 49ers. Well, that makes sense. He's having a great year so far. Baker Mayerfield. How do you say his name again? Baker Mayfield.

Baker Mayerfield is on the other end of that scale. He's been dumped on his head 13 times. The Vikings got him six times this past Sunday. Wow. Through three games, Brock Purdy has thrown for nine. touchdowns with zero intercept yeah he so has

Kirk cousins I think he's thrown for nine touchdowns yeah but we don't we don't talk about him oh okay yeah tell he's a Viking starter next year of this year then we'll be forced to talk about him trade him at the trading deadline oh yeah let's see here some more funny videos listeners want us to look up

bear gets hitting the nuts dog gets shocked by fence and donkey laughs. Oh, I've seen that one too. Yep, that's a good one. Hmm. Jesus. You like that one? Yeah.

So many options. That's hilarious that you're familiar with some of these. Oh, yeah. Dog gets shocked by fence, and then the donkey gets a laugh out of it. You got any favorites, Randy? I don't. No. Donkeys are funny, and they're so loyal and sweet.

They are so sweet. They'll get hugs. I've told you that I am. addicted to these wiffle ball videos. I can't stop watching people pitching wiffleball and hitting home runs in those little parks. Are you talking about the professionals? Yeah. I just can't.

I watch that stuff. I'm addicted to it. I've watched a little bit of it. I thought it was going to be more of like the America's Funniest Home Video style. No. No. You've got to watch these data. Like the slow motion pitches, it's incredible.

Is it the way they can make the wiffle balls move? It's just, I don't know. I love wiffle ball growing up. I just, I watch these videos. No, I've tried it myself. I guess I'm a little shocked that you're so hooked on it, but it's not the worst thing in the world to watch. I mean, these are just regular schmucks out there playing, and they've turned professional. I don't know if that means fame and fortune or what, but professional wiffle ball is out there,

and you can find it not only online, but going back to how confusing it is to find your favorite ball club these days, and someone said something about fan dual sports. I believe that Fanduil Sports does show professional Wiffle Ball on their channel. I found it there once or twice. I believe I could have been a home run champion had I, you know, had I focused on it. I believe I could have been Wiffle Ball's version of Hank Aaron. I really do. I had a lot of power, Randy, especially from the left-hand side of the plate.

Yep. Big time uppercut swing. way ahead of my time. Pulled the ball too much, though. I'd pull the ball. Yeah. I'd have to wait on it a little bit. We would have the shift on playing against you.

I was a dead pull hitter for a lot of my wiffle ball and stick ball career. But you know who changed my approach at the plate? And I know if someone's out there saying, this frigging guy's still talking about wiffle ball, watching Joe Mower changed my approach. I was able to wait on the ball a little bit. and spray a little bit to left field. He was great at that.

But I like the whole, I was a pull hitter, Cubby. Do you have any video from back in the day? I'd love to see it. You know how I was raised. Yeah, maybe your buddy's had. You grew up in Wizzetta. Somebody must have had a video. Somebody might have drawn a picture of what we were doing.

I don't know, but no, we don't have a carved somewhere. Yeah, that's right. Chiseled in a rock with some. All right, Randy. Tomorrow's F-off day. Show up if you like. If not, who cares. Okay.

Thanks, buddy. We'll talk to you tomorrow. We'll be back in a few minutes on the house. F-F-F-S morning show. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki.

He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-L-L-E. And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game.

You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode WW. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarket's terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur.

The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawal trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Morning Show, 93X. All right, we're back now. Easy's. Get yourself together. Welcome back to the 93X Half-Hass Morning Show. It's Thursday.

We love most of you. We thank most of you for listening. Let's go back to something we were jawjacking about earlier this morning. Josh asked a question to everybody and all of y'all. We were telling old stories of delusional jagoffs that used to work here at the radio station, but then they got canned because they were delusional jagoffs. So Cubby asked the brother and sisterhood, he asked folks to text in and tell us, what's the dumbest damn reason that you or somebody you work with got fired? What's the dumbest thing? Pardon me, the dumbest reason

you or somebody you work with got the gas. You got some answers from folks, Josh? Yeah, some of them are, well, stuff to kind of get through. A lot came in at once, and some of them are really long. I tried my best. I came horribly, I came up horribly short and trying to gather a lot of these because there were so many and they were faster than a quicker than a hiccup. So thank you for contributing and maybe we can come back to this a different time too. We have more time to sift through them. But this one is short and sweet. They got fired for puking on an employee when they were hung over. Somebody got fired from a grocery store for taking a little bit of axe body spray that was on the shelf spraying themselves and putting it back. I think I can for that. Oh, no.

Kind of surprised they'd fire for something like that. Just a little dose of axe. They just gave a little puffy puff and that was it? Yeah, you think they'd just tell you to knock it off. Sheep bastards. God, I love that axe body spray. I just rain that garbage over the top of my head before I go anywhere. Ronan Engineer Jesus was a manager to Domino's.

He said he had to fire a and then in parentheses hot gal because she changed her shirt out in the open. Too much drama. By the way, she was hot, he reiterated. She couldn't duck into the back. to change her t-shirt? Maybe she just wanted everybody to see what she had going on. That could be. Well, he did mention she was good looking, right?

Twice. Yeah, okay. Two times. So she wanted to show folks what she was packing. Boobies swinging around the... I don't know how naked she got. Maybe brazier? The pizzeria?

This is River Falls Furniture Guy, Jesus. Worked at a party store as a teenager. On a slow Sunday, they took a door of the Explorer bucket. They cut a hole out of the bottom of it, taped it up as a backboard, and then they played ball. And he said the owner came in the next day they got fired. For playing a little basketball? Just for playing basketball.

We're playing basketball. That was a real song back in the day. Somebody got fired for watching porn in the bathroom. Yeah, that'll get you can. At least it's the bathroom. There were a few that I was able to gather up. And again, thanks for the effort. But sometimes we just run smooth out of time.

around here. Here's a few I was able to pile up. Well, quite a few people said that they had a co-worker or two get fired for pulling off at work. That'll do it. Here's a lady that go so upset. So dude says I used to work at this joint. There was a lady who got written up for poor work performance over and over again. And one day she got so mad. She went into the ladies' room and took a big fat deuce on the floor and then smeared her period pads on the wall. Oh, man.

Yeah. She expressed her displeasure. She did. There's a log. There's a human turd log on the floor. That's bad enough. And she wrote words in her period blood on the wall. Josh, there was one that came in earlier, and we were hoping to get an answer where someone said,

that someone got fired for holding a sandwich? Did you ever get any background on that? No. How do you get fired for holding a... And somebody else said they had a friend get fired for drinking chocolate milk. I want more information on that, too. Oh, now I love chocolate milk. This one's good.

You ever had chocolate milk with Axe Body Spray? No. Unbelievable. This is from I Would Do It Again, Jesus. He worked at a movie theater, and he was leaning up against the podium where he would take the tickets. The boss said, hey, you can't lean up against the podium. And so he said, no problem. And then he just pantomimed leaning up against a fake podium and took tickets.

And the boss fired him. Oh, yeah. No, I'm not touching the podium at all. Oh, that's hilarious. He got sassy. Yeah, he did. Yeah. And also quite a few dudes texted in over the last couple hours,

claiming that they were fired for banging the boss's daughter. I'm not buying it. Doesn't happen. Stealing boxes on your day. off. What are you building the clubhouse? Calling the boss, the female boss

C-word. Yeah, that'll get you fired. A couple, or one person got fired for that, or saw somebody get fired for that. Yeah, nine times out of ten, that'll do it. Ah, the dude got back to us. The dude who said, the dude who said, his co-worker got fired for holding a sandwich. He gave

us an explanation, and now it makes sense. He said, sorry, I didn't explain it to you. The dude was holding a sh sandwich. Oh, yeah, yeah, that makes a difference. So there you go. You know, also, if you find any other good ones, Josh, feel free to jump in. Thanks again for texting on the dumbest reason you or one of your coworkers ever got fired.

We also got to talking about animals there for a while. Funny animal videos and this and that. Speaking of wild animals, wild animal. That's right, honey. I'm going to go for it. What movie? National Lampoons vacation, what year, 1983? We were talking about wild animals. Can I tell you something that will make you feel like the softest little baby bitch in town? Can I tell you something to remind you that you've never done anything in your life that is truly remarkable? A few days ago, a 12-year-old kid got in a fist fight with a bear and the kid won.

Dang. That's awesome. What kind of bear? A black bear. Oh, that would be cooler. Pardon me? I think just... Oh, I thought it'd be cooler.

It's a 12-year-old against a bear. Like a cocaine bear or... Black bears are usually pretty chill. They just want to be left alone and get out of your... Want you out of their face. No, you're right. Black bears are usually pretty... Yeah.

What's the word I'm looking for? Dossile. Dossile. But once the fist fight started, would you want to be in a fist fight with a black picker? This kid's 12. grew up in Washington. Well, he's still growing up in Washington. A lot of bears in the neighborhood.

His dad warned him many times, you know, be on the lookout. His dad showed him what the old man knew about defending yourself against a bear should an attack ever happen. So the kid had some knowledge and experience, you know, bears or everywhere's in his neighborhood. And one day, one of them hopped over the fence.

Black bear hops over the fence. and dropped the mitts and started to fight with this 12-year-old kid, which is, Jesus, if I'd be terrifying. Imagine the neighbor mowing the lawn next door, you know, watching this from the safety of his own property. But you know what it was. And it's, sometimes you forget the obvious. The eyes, Cubby, it's always the eyes. Got lifeless eyes like a doll.

eyes. The kid thumb-effed the bear in the eye and it backed off. That gave the old man enough time who luckily was kind of keeping an eye on things and noticed that his son

was in a karate fight with a black bear. The old man comes running outside and he said, let's see if I can get this quote correct, he was able to finish this bear off by delivering what he called the hardest punch of his life. right in the jaw

and that's when the bear said, you know what? This place sucks. And he moved on to something else. I can't imagine that punch. Yeah, I'm sure. Adrenaline. Everything he got.

By the way, Fat Bear Week is over. Yeah, that was fun. That was fun. Backpack is the winner of Fat Bear Week. And his mom, he's a championship lineage. His mom was a previous winner of Fat Bear Week. Keep being in the family.

He's called Backpack. because he used to just chill on her back all the time. That's why they gave him the name. Yeah, when she was competing, and then next thing you know, boom. I have to admit, I have not been an adamant follower of the Fat Bear competition. Oh, dude, you got to get on it. The first couple years. It's so fun.

They're so cute and fat. They're cute and fat? It's adorable. Big round, just almost immobile bears. Yeah, it looks like they wouldn't be able to get around. It's incredible. the man. All right.

Congratulations, too, again. What was the name? Backpack. Back is this year's winner. All right, here's one I was trying to find from Hammer Swinging Jesus. This is somebody got fired for a dumb reason. Feel bad for this situation.

The new guy. Oh, here we go. Got canned on day one. He cracked a yo mama type joke directed toward the foreman. Who, idiot. Who just got back to work because he lost his mother the previous

week. Oh no. And obviously had no idea. Just go jump off a bridge. Day one and there was no day two. I wouldn't be able to let that go for a really long time. Can you imagine how bad you'd feel? I would shut myself into my basement

and never let myself see light again because that's the punishment I would deserve. I remember when I thought the new guy was a goner. And instead bed, new guy, how should I say this? New guy kind of, I guess he proved everybody wrong. I'll just tell you the story.

One of my warehouse gigs, the big, big boss never came out of his office. We never saw the big, big boss. So naturally, Josh, since nobody really ever talked to the guy, we all had this idea that he must be this intimidating, type of a character, right? Suit and tie, big money, boss, never came into the warehouse. And I actually heard if we all heard a few stories about the guy. He was kind of a tough nut, right?

So, comes time for the company Christmas party. By the way, Josh, this was the company Christmas party where I missed out on a gang bang. Oh, man, that sucks. So anyway, come time for the company Christmas party with all of us warehouse derelicts at the same bar with the big, big boss. We all thought, new guy's not going to make it. He'll be fired tonight because new guy was a moron. New guy didn't know when to shut up. New guy put his foot in his mouth constantly with dirty jokes and nasty comments. So we're all kind of thinking once new guy meets the boss, new guy's going to say something stupid, he'll be fired instantly. But prove this

all wrong. Fast forward an hour. We watched New Guy approach the big, big boss. and we all said, oh, God, here it comes. He's going to say something stupid. Fast forward an hour. New guy and the boss are talking, they're drinking. By the end of the night, big boss has got his arm around the new guy, and they're walking around the bar, giggling and having drinks, and we thought, son of a bitch.

Wow. Good for a new guy. He climbed the ladder. I mean, he proved us all wrong. All right, there you go. Some of you are old enough. to remember Well

How long has it been Josh Since bars and restaurants dumped that silly No Smoking ban out there Bars and rain Good question 15 years

I know I was here 20 years I turned 21 in 2006 And you couldn't smoke In Minneapolis bars But you could smoke up in St. Cloud still So it's been Still going on when I was a kid

So it's been over 20 years At least for Minneapolis I can't believe that I can't, wow. 20 friggin' years or so has gone by now since bars. Here in Minnesota, at least, I don't know about the rules anywhere else, but here in Minnesota, can't smoke at the bar, can't smoke at the restaurant. I don't remember the first time I sat in a non-smoking section at a restaurant,

or I should say maybe I'm misrepresenting what I mean. We always sat in the smoking section. I never heard my parents say non-smoking. I mean, they all smoked, so we'd sit there. the smoking section. So basically some restaurants I grew up going to, I wouldn't even know what the non-smoking section would look like. Right.

Did you guys say a year? Did we find a year for when it was banned? Over 2007. Okay. So 20 years. Yeah, so that makes sense because I thought I remembered, like, experiencing that as a child. I still miss it.

I still miss cigarettes at bars and restaurants. There was something about it that just made it feel right. Yeah. Sure, you go home. your clothes, smell, this and that, it's bad for you. I don't care. I miss cigarettes in bars and restaurants. There was a couple of times when I lived in Wisconsin, you know, you're in a bar in the middle of nowhere, and it's 2 o'clock in the morning. The only person you're drinking with is the bartender and some other dude that's like half passed out. And they're like, yeah, let's smoke

some sickies in here. And that's pretty cool. It feels cool. It feels right. By the way, someone texted and said, F, the new guy, we want to hear about that gang bang. I'll get back to you on that. So here's the deal. Yeah, like Josh was saying. There used to be smoking, a smoking section and a non-smoking section at your restaurants. That's all long gone. Here's the new twist. There are some restaurants who are considering setting up, and some already have, a cell phone section and a no-cell phone section.

That sounds like a good idea. then you don't have to be worried about being videotaped, I suppose. Do you worry about that? Yeah, like, I don't know, being out with your friends and you're good and drunk and, you know, you're doing stupid stuff. You're dancing stupidly. It'd be nice to not, like, be worried about ending up on somebody's Snapchat. You're going to do that at a Chi-Chi's or something? Versus a nightclub?

These are restaurants. Yeah, just like, yeah. I mean, I've seen plenty of videos of people being, like, beret. rated and embarrassed at restaurants. I wasn't thinking about videos, but sure. I mean, I'll go along with that. Sure, I guess you know you're not going to be recorded. But where they're going with this is, and we all know that some people are just loud and obnoxious with their frigging telephone.

You know, taking calls and hollering and this and that. And there's a movement now where people would like to be away from that crowd. So some restaurants have started asking people to put their cell phone into a lockable pouch when they arrive and then they get it back when they leave. I think we've heard that from some concerts, some other types of shows. Comedy shows a lot, too. Yep, they'll do that a lot. Comedy shows is what I was thinking, yeah. Isn't tool kind of the band tool known for that?

Oh, I didn't know that. I thought there was maybe a perfect circle, something related to Maynard. I thought they didn't let you have your phones. Or maybe if they see you using it, they'll ask you to stop. And I think, you know, other than, you know, loud cell phone talkers or people that might play loud music or a loud video on their cell phone, I think there are some people who just, they're tired of seeing people constantly stabbing at their phone and constantly playing with their phone, and they can't just have an interaction like a regular human being. So there are some people who just want to be away from that overall vibe.

So that's where the idea has come from. I have seen that in restaurants where like an entire family's on their phone. Yeah, it's so depressing. Or like when you go and you belly up to the bar and every other person is just on their phone. I'm like, what's the point? Are we going to talk to each other? That's kind of like the whole point to being at a bar together. Right.

It says here some Chick-fil-A locations have a cell phone challenge. Oh, where if you walk in the joint and you stash your phone in a bucket or something and you don't, you know, carry it with. you to your booth, you'll get some free iced cream. Some restaurants have started to put up signs asking folks to leave your cell phone in your car or leave your cell phone in this bucket at the front door. And if you don't play by their rules, they'll tell you to leave. Ah, darn. I wish, like, I would love to be able to just hand them over my phone.

But if I'm out and about and I don't have my baby with me, I can't. can't not have my phone. And that goes into this conversation here where, you know, there are quite a few people saying, look, I do need my cell phone on me for work or family or some reason like that. So I get that. But I don't know. It sounds kind of nice to me to know that, you know, I can sit amongst some people who just want to sit and be normal people. I mean, and really, if you're in a non-cell phone section, you probably don't have to chuck it in that bucket. talking about. People would all agree that you don't need it. I think if I was something you like to break into cars, I would definitely go swing by the parking

law of the place that makes you leave your phone in the car. I like how you made it evil. This wholesome thing that's trying to make the world better, and I immediately take an evil angle on it. Or you're just outside with that cell phone bucket yourself? Yeah, yep, right in here, folks. I toss it right in here. I want to implement this at, like, my parents' house.

I've noticed, and I have a lot of friends that feel the same way about there. parents like why can't they get off their phone like I I have no issue like when we're sitting around with company like yep phone goes away whatever doesn't bother me but my mom and dad they cannot get off their phone really I don't know that is weird and I see it everywhere you think that'd be a younger person yeah that's where there's like this weird like it's like the younger younger like it's hard for them with the putting the electronics down but then it's like this weird age, like my parents' age, where they can't put it down either. I see it all the time at restaurants.

You've got, you know, a family, and mom and dad are both sitting there on their phones. We know what it is. The kid will be talking to them, and they'll ignore them, and they're just on their phone. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. Your parents have lived their entire life without free available porn movies. That's got to be. And now that it's at the ready any time, they can't get enough. And they're texting each other about you guys.

And what a disappointment their children That'd be so cooler if they were doing that But no, they're just watching AI videos Thinking they're real. That's it. Well, so, you know, I like the idea. I do think it's a little silly When I go to my favorite beer hall

And sit down at a table with seven or eight people And every single one of them Has their cell phone immediately in front of them. I don't know why. It just kind of annoys me. Put it in your friggin' pocket. I mean, and none of these people have babies and none of these people have it.

It's just put it in your pocket. What, you're that important? Who's going to call you? I actually put in my house, like these little holders that you put on the wall, and you can just like, it's like a phone holder, basically, like how you could hang up your phone on the wall back in the day. Now you can just put your phone right there, and then it's, if you ever need it, then you have to actually go over there,

use it over there, and then put it back. That's a rule at your house when you're walking? I'm trying to get excited. Oh, you're trying to get it going to. Yeah, because I don't want our son to constantly see us walking. walking around with a phone in our hand. Because, I mean, that's all, he's probably like, what is that? Why do you always have that in your hand?

Whether you're on it or not, you know, doesn't notice. But the fact, like, you're always carrying that. And I don't want them to see that. People are texting in saying what you said, Ashley, they're seeing more and more older folks do that. Yeah, I guess, you know, my mom or my mother-in-law, they're not on their phone often. So that's interesting.

And people are texting in saying phone usage is similar to being addicted. to crack rocks. Heard that before. Or heroin. The 93X half-ass morning show. We're just minutes away from the end of the program, which of course then leads to our regular post-show

massage. I'm looking forward to that. Yeah, feeling a little tight. Yeah. Right here in the, kind of like their shoulder blades. Yeah. So we're heading towards the post. We had the story a few minutes ago about the 12-year-old kid who got in a fist fight

with a bear and won. And a few text messages came in on that topic. This was a kid out in Washington, lived in her neighborhood with a lot of bears ever since he was a tiny little potlicker. His dad had warned him about bears and taught him what dad thought were the right moves if a bear ever jumped him.

Sure as hell it happened. Bear jumps over the fence onto their property and said, put him up, punk. Let's rock. Kid was able to thumb-f that bear in the eye. and he got the victory. I got a text from one individual here, Josh, who says, hell, I'm zero wins and 13 losses career against my cat.

Yeah, I've never beat our dog. And he says 11 of those losses were by knockout. And the fights again. That's humbling. He's impressed that this kid would beat a black bear in a fist fight because he has yet to beat his kid. I'd instantly surrender. I think if the bear's coming at me, I'd just give him the one.

win already. You have scraps with your dog? Yeah, one of the dogs. Both of them a good six, eight inches taller than you. They were taller in me and they were way a little bit more and yeah, one of them he's a really good fighter, so I haven't beat him yet. Now, a few people when they heard the bear story, they

texted in about getting attacked by a dog. I had one incident when I was a kid where a dog turned on me but never have I been in that situation where you're like you're walking down the street and loose, crazy dog comes running up on you. I know a couple of friends who were attacked by dogs in that fashion.

I was when I was a kid. Walking home from school and here comes this frigging dog out of nowhere that just wants to kill him. You got attacked by a dog? Yeah, when I was a kid, maybe, I don't know, third grade, I was walking home from school and a dog came up to me and just started ripping at my legs. There was a little dog. I mean, it was like, I don't know, a collie maybe or something.

Wasn't a very big dog. That's hilarious. Yeah, just. went for me and the old lady, I almost felt worse for her that was walking this thing. She was mortified that her dog was going after me. And then it started, it left me because it saw another kid and just went and attacked this other kid. I like that dog.

Yeah, me too. I still have scars on my legs from it. Yeah, I mean, there were a few dogs in our neighborhood that we were told to stay away from. So we obviously did. And then there was good reason why our parents had stay away from these dogs because they were, they were aggressive and their owners were idiots. So you knew, you know, anything, anything was possible. possible with these dogs, but I'd never had that situation where it ran up on me.

I would be really, I'd be morally confused. Morally confused. Because, like, I want to hurt the dog. You got to hurt the dog. You can't hurt me. Right. Well, this is funny now. More than a few people texted in about that scenario where a crazy stray or even just

idiotic neighborhood dog runs up on you and tries to, you know, tear an arm off for you. and they texted in about the common survival tactic. You know what I'm talking about already? He's going for the wiener? No, a few people texted in and said. Checking the oil? Yeah. Really?

I never would have thought of it. And I'd heard that before. I'd heard that before. I don't know if they're joking around. I'm just saying I've heard the... They say if you get attacked by a dog out of nowhere is your thumb his butt. And he'll get the hell out of there.

Again, I don't know if they're joking, but this is not the first stuff. heard of that. I'd never heard of theory. I think I'd rather take a bite or two. Sorry, Josh, this text was directed to you, but it's so funny. I have to read it. Somebody texted

it and said that they had a kid growing up down the street that would get attacked by the crows in the morning and in the afternoon when he got on and off the bus. Just one kid. Now, crows can hold a grudge, right? That's what I want to know. What did this kid? I thought crows were

known for that. They are. He must have been throwing rocks at these crows or something. Yeah. I love that. Love them. I want to hang out with that kid and that dog that attacked Josh. Yeah, I've heard those stories that crows are very smart, and if you're nice to them, they remember you. If you're not nice to them, they remember you even better, and they will turn on us some bitch. Yeah, thumb in the can is what I heard of Josh.

I've heard that before. And then finally, on the topic of animals, when animals attack, I guess you could, if you wanted to put a label on this conversation. I thought this was funny. A listener says, I was hiking. He didn't say where, but this must be out west. He was hiking and he said I was certain I was being pursued by a mountain lion. Oh, gosh, terrifying.

He said he saw the mountain line. He did. And he said I was, after locking eyes with the damn thing, I was sure it was pursuing me. He says, can I tell you something between you and me? When I finally got back to my car, I cried so hard. Yes. And he said, I'm six foot five.

I'm a man. But I can believe, oh, I can understand. I mean, he didn't tell me. And I bet it was. It was probably 100% stocking you. Yeah. It could have been. I mean, he said he only saw it once and that's all he needed to convince him.

But I can totally get that. He didn't mention how long his hike was. I mean, imagine if he had five miles to go or something. And the entire time you're thinking, any minute now, the strong lion's going to tear an artery out of my thigh and kill me. You're not going to see it coming. You don't want to start running. Got back to the car, shut the door, and cried like a baby.

Oh, yeah. Oh. No one's blaming you for that, son. No. Happy 17th to Daniel from Mom. Show me your kiddies. She's. Happy birthday to Lane.

Turning the Big O-1 from Dad, Landfill King Jesus. and happy 40th to bitch biscuit from Milliman. Biscuit from millimeter Peter Jesus. Oh, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning because I know you're looking forward to the show. Winter is coming.

The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out and the boys below the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standardheating.com today and book that tune-up. Mention 93X and save a big double nickel. Yeah, $55 bucks off the price of those commenters would have to pay. All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great. Whatever you're doing, it's working. Keep it up.