93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Criminal Genital System

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

Originally Aired June 1, 2026: Hot movies coming out this Summer. Tearing down the house. Everything you wanna know about injuring yourself in a stupid way, like Dana.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail].  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member with Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up.

And hey, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. 90. 93. Oh, here we go. What do you know about that? I hope folks don't mind a little bit of a slow vibe this morning.

At least just for starters. Hope folks don't mind a, like a more measured, moderate beginning to the show. You know, it is Monday. I'm sure there's quite a few listeners out there who were feeling a little cooked. There was lots happening last night. Some of us got in late. let's try to take her slow. I'm fine with that.

Slow and easy like White Snake used to sing us that song back in the day. Welcome to the half-ass morning show, everybody. Welcome to hopefully a very leisurely Monday broadcast. Well, some of us might be forced to take it slow. There's one member of our program, I understand. I haven't heard the story yet. I've just been informed that one member of our program has shown up to work with a physical injury.

Yep. Was it heroic? I mean, were you rescuing children off a burning bus or anything like that? No, I was just walking in the backyard. I can't see you from here. So what happens is I got a bad ankle, real bad ankle. My right ankle, we've talked about this before. I could just be standing at the kitchen counter making a sandwich,

and it'll just roll over on me. I got one of those two. What happened? Well, it's been sore the last few days, and it just gave way on me on Saturday night when I was just walking in the backyard. I didn't think much of it because, again, it's happened to me 500 times in my life, but I woke up the next morning. Great pain is very swollen.

Had to go in. They took an x-ray. They said, well, there's something wrong, but it's not structural, so they might have to do an MRI this week. So embarrassing. Well, you know what? That's what happens when you get old, man. I was going to say, this is my first big, this is 40 moment, for sure.

Yeah, I got one of those ankles, too, and, yeah, my yard has tried to swallow me up in the same way. We had moles or something. Whatever it was, was digging holes, you know, big tunnels in our backyard where it was real smushy. It was crazy. Like you could feel exactly where their tunnels were. And sometimes there'd be a hole there. And there was a couple.

I thought I was going to break my ankle a few times too. So I know what you're talking about, Dana. Yeah, it's sketchy. Yeah, not good. They got an x-ray that some bitch. They already did x-ray. The x-rays came back clean. So there's no bone damage, but there could be some type of, I don't know, ligaments or something or they're going on down there.

whatever's in your ankle. Yeah. Yeah, I walked in to say hi to Dana from the weekend, and I see his legs propped up with a huge bag of ice on it. And I thought, what happened to you? I told the, when I got back with the doctor, I said, I need you to heal me up fast. I got to get back to the All Valley karate tournament that I'm competing in right now.

Yeah, I hope you made it back. I'll tell you what, who's this that texted in already box tossing Jesus? He had a bad ankle once. He had to have a couple of plates and screws thrown in. to that pig. Hoping to avoid that. He had some plates and screws thrown in there. He said, now it's as good as new.

I would love to hear you squeak when you walk. You can't sneak up on us then. So you twisted an ankle over out there in the backyard. Yeah, I wish I had a cooler story. I wish, like Josh, I did something heroic. You know, saved a woman from in front of a bus or something, but no, it's not the case at all. If you didn't want to golf today in Randy's tournament. You know what? You can just say I'm not available.

You could have just said, I don't want to go golf today at Randy's tournament. You didn't have to come up with this elaborate yard story. Randy's a big boy. I know. And it's not like the tournament would have shut down if I couldn't make it. Not at all. Not at all. They would have trudged on without you.

Joe Maurer, Marcus Filino said, what, Wessel's not going to be here? Right. Let's go to the casino. Culver's folds up the tent. Fulton beer. waves the beer trucks. Just go home. We don't need you.

We could have cured cancer if it had to be for Wessel faking an ankle injury. No kidding. Yeah. I've gone down in the yard before with no real dramatic cause, you know. Yeah, definitely. You step on it wrong. I've got one of those weak ankles too. You step on it wrong and there you go.

I told Nick not too long. ago, remember I was telling you, I got out of bed and I thought my ankle was broken. I mean, it just gave me, just getting out of bed. That's where I thought, Dana, 50 sucks. Oh, yeah? There was no reason for that to happen. I thought maybe when I was told that you were injured, because I had no idea until about five minutes before we went live, Ashley and Josh filled me in on just the fact that

you were hurt. I was thinking that maybe you tore a piercing or something. But no. I thought pickleball. That's hurting everybody. That is hurting everybody. But if I'm playing pickleball, I'm being held hostage. I thought maybe a piercing had been torn off of you.

But, okay. Well, that sucks because that's painful. And like you said, it's a reoccurring thing. Frustrating. Yeah, that's the thing I was telling my wife. I'm just annoyed. Frustrating. Stupid.

Listener named Tom said he tore his right knee meniscus getting out of a lawn chair. Oh, my gosh. That's not easy getting out of those lawn chairs. Yeah, some of them are very difficult. Yeah, you can tear yourself up in all different ways, especially once you hit 40 and above. I got a minute. I'll prepare.

I'll start to do like ankle exercises. Red Butcher Jesus thinks you have bitch ankleitis. That's like what my kids told me. Jesus, balls, Auntie Boobies, Jesus. Fell into his window well while coming. in the grass. Oh, no. Oh my gosh. I'm so afraid of that. I am too. I'm rationally afraid of falling in there. What, what happened, Josh? Who calls you bitch ankles? What'd you say? My kids, once I, when I rolled my ankle. I mean, I wasn't nearly as bad as Dana. It was just sore for a

couple days and it got big and fat. But yeah, they called me bitch ankles or something like that. Yeah, they go on and on when you're watching a ball game and an athlete goes down. They go on and on, especially when it's a non-contact injury. Well, look, they'll say, you know, the announcers will say, oh my, there he goes. He goes down. And it was a non-contact injury. He wasn't being tackled.

He wasn't being fouled. He wasn't being body-checked. We regular folks, we don't get enough sympathy for our non-contacted. When an athlete goes down for no good reason, my God, they, they more or less hold a a telethon for the guy. Oh, he fell down. It's just a non-con- We're the ones who need that sympathy,

not these billion-dollar prick bastards playing football and baseball. I forget who it was. There was just a baseball player last week who pulled something while stretching, and you're right. They acted like, nobody made fun of him. Nobody called him like bitch hamstringitis or anything.

No, big toes, ankles. Everyone's texting in now the silly ways they've hurt themselves. And it can be a lot of laughs to discuss topics like that. No question. Big toes separated my shoulder. Well, wait a minute. Trash Daddy Jesus. You look like, it sounds like you were trying to prove something.

Trash Daddy Jesus said he separated his shoulder from the collarbone, trying to BMX. Yeah, that's cool. We're talking about embarrassing ones. That's what you get for trying to BMX. Yeah, you don't get made fun of from that. You get chicks when you get yourself injured doing BMX or something. Yeah, we're trying to be sad and pathetic here.

You're in a separate category. Oh, that's the dude we met last week, Trash Daddy. He thinks he's cute. A listener of ours tore their ACL getting into their car. Getting into the car. Mowing the lawn. Yeah, a lot of folks are hyper-extending things while mowing the lawn. Buddy mine tour is ACL slipping on ice.

I saw it happen. It was fantastic. Running from the cops. That was one of my favorite ACL tear stories. We were running from a beer party in high school. and at one point or another we all had to clear a fence. One of us didn't make it. It's my buddy, the king.

I don't know. Josh, remember meeting the king back in the day? Yeah. I want to say it was like an edge fast or an ex fast. Probably. And it was the beginning of a bad run for the king. 17 years old, he hops over a fence with a case of beer on his shoulder and that right knee.

He's, ah! Go on without me! Oh, man. Take the beer. Ah! And of course, we did go on. I don't want a minor consumption. We did go on without him.

You guys didn't have the no man left behind rule. No, hell no. Even if you asked for help, I just would have kept running. We did. We all kept running. I think he's on like his third or fourth knee now. Oh, man. It was a beginning of...

Oh, and it all started there. My buddy who tore is ACL. So we weren't positive the next day. It was torn, but he was in a lot of pain. I said, hey, let's go to the bar. let's get a drink in you. So we're sitting at the bar and waiting for him. There's a guy next to me, and we're just chatting, you know, this and that, like bar talk.

My buddy comes and he starts telling the story, and I'm laughing at him. The guy next to us is getting in the conversation. He's laughing too. And I said, well, how much pain are you? He goes, a lot of pain. And my new friend reaches into his pocket, and he pulls out this bag of pills, different colors and stuff, and he kind of sifts through, and he finds two matching ones. It goes, here, take these.

So my buddy just takes him, pops him in his mouth. Nice. And I go, wow, my buddy is no prude, but I didn't. I didn't know he was take pills from a stranger kind of guy. And then the guy goes, all right, it was nice to meet you guys and pays his tab. And my buddy just looks mortified. He goes, you didn't know that guy? I thought that was your friend.

I go, no, you're just a guy that's next to at the bar. And you let me take pills from him? You seem pretty adamant about doing it. Yeah, boy, he's trusting. How to go? They were fine. There's probably just some pain pills or something. Sorry, sir.

If he started tripping balls. The look on his face, he thought that was like my long, like, high school buddy or something. Dana. Congratulations. you are now on birth control. Have you taken a dose of tribina for your ankle? I don't think I've heard of tribina. Is this a joke?

Criminal investigation she just says, try that. You know, try being a man. Take a healthy dose of tribeen a man. All right. You know what else has been given way on our listing audience? Their backs. Ah, yeah, that's a tricky spot. They say once you really injure your back, you keep that problem until the day that you die.

My back's a little iffy and I don't know if it's, ever going to get better talking to other moms because I got like an epidural. And after you get one of those, sometimes your back can be funky for a very long time or forever. We don't want you to be another epidural. You won't feel a thing. Yes, exactly. Dude, I wish I could have one of those every single day in my life. But yeah, like I can't lay on the ground on my tummy and then like prop myself up on my elbows anymore.

The elbows. Yeah, it starts to get very, very painful. Well, you and your husband are down one sexual position, huh? You've got to come up with some new ones. Yeah, when you throw out your back, when you have that first back surgery, from what I understand, you never shake it. Yeah. Here's a listener, robot builder Jesus, who threw his back out. He was carrying a hamper of clothes up the stairs, Josh, and he had to step over a baby gate.

Ah, yeah. And that's where, weep. Baby gates, dogs. That same thing happened. my mom. She was at my brother's house and she was going up her, she was helping him out, going up his stairs carrying a laundry basket, trying to get over a dog gate. And she fell down the stairs and like smacked her head on the wall. There goes mom. She had a concussion. It was very bad. But my brother said it was pretty funny. I bet it was. I bet it was a frigging riot.

I bet. Mom and what was she carrying? Laundry basket. Just underwears and t-shirts flying all over the year. You hear her skull ring off of the wall? Yesterday I was carrying a little table, and my dog was laying right, you know, they like to lay right in the way. So he was blocking the doorway. And so I just told them, you know, let's agree you're not going to stand up. I won't make you move, but I'm going to step over you. And of course, he stood up, knocked my ass to the ground, table fell on top of me.

Luckily, though, I don't have this bitchitis that Dana has, so I didn't injure myself whatsoever. Stupid injuries is the theme this morning on the half-fast morning show. feel free to text us. 651-9-89-9-3-93, stupid embarrassing painful, stupid-embarrassing injuries. Sleep injuries are now being text in where you just wake up and somehow

you did something terrible to yourself while sleeping. It's always my neck. My neck and my back. Speaking of sleeping, so I had a big ice pack, you know, a big Ziploc bag full ice on my ankle last night and was elevated. And at some point that ice bag kind of fell and opened up. So I woke up.

Not only was in pain because of my ankle, but I thought I wet the bed. Dude, that sucked. You wake up, it was just what? Just a comedy of errors in my life right now. I'd be so pissed off if that's how I started my day. We hyper-extend our knees at Target. I'm just going through text messages here.

Just walking around, Target. Oh, we pinch our necks and pull our muscles. Oh, I pulled my neck muscle changing a windshield wiper, says a listener. Sometimes when you're in like a weird stretching position you're not used to, that can do it. Something pops all of a sudden. It's up. Snezing. people have sneezed hurting themselves.

It's a friggin' thing. This person broke their thumb playing pole position. Oh, I loved that game. Oh, that game was fun. Wow. At the old video game arcade, they'll give you some pills to clear that up. At the old video game arcade, Josh and I have covered this before. If you went to the neighborhood video game arcade, in the early 80s, it was the most lawless spot in the county.

Yeah, I've watched documentaries about the history of arcades and whatnot. It makes me kind of sad that I grew up in the Chuckie Cheats. era. Underage drinking. Mass amounts of illegal drugs. Prostitution. What? All were part of the early 80s video game arcade theme. Are you normal Jesus?

Tor rotator cuff pushing himself off the counter that he was leaning on waiting for a microwave burrito. You had to have surgery and take a month off of work. Oh, I hope that was one hell of a burrito. So there you go. So we'll try to take it slow this morning. Appreciate all your text messages. That'll be helpful along the way to have all your hilarious, embarrassing injury stories at the ready.

Ashley and I last night attended Randy Shaver's big cancer research gala fundraiser at Medina Ballroom. When Randy joins us at 7.30, we could tell you a little bit about last night. See Willie Miles was the entertainment at Medina during Randy Spunraiser and C. Willie knocked it out of the park. He was so good. That was the first time I've ever seen him do his little comedy routine and it was awesome. He didn't get so funny. Didn't get a chance to see him. He was kind of, you know, doing his regular routine kind of staying away from the crowd until showtime.

So I didn't get a chance to see him. I ran into him at the end. I didn't get a chance to talk to him. But of course, I saw him on stage. Oh, you did? I missed him. You know, I told him we said hello and. Maybe we'll see him tomorrow night.

Exactly, yep. Pardon me, maybe we'll see him tomorrow on the show. Food was good, had a couple of beers, a lot of money was raised. What did they have this year? I'm trying to think. So I'm trying to think what they usually have. It's usually pretty good stuff, like you said. For food?

They had some tortellini. That was delicious. Some roasted Yukon gold potatoes, a vegetable melody. There was a melody. Melody. Some delicious salad. Some delicious salad. Vegetable melody.

Vegetables, vegetables. No, you'll be hearing some tunes out of me later because of the vegetable melody. Oh, geez, I'll bet. Today, Randy, when we talk to Randy at 745, he'll be a little later than usual because today's the big golf tournament part of the fundraiser at Rush Creek. So Randy will be on the telephone and he can tell us all the big timers that are golfing today. Did we ever decide, are you going out there this morning, Ashley? You're going to stick around here. I was going to ask you guys what you would prefer.

You're in charge, whatever you feel like doing. Oh, gosh, I don't like making decisions. Well, you've got plenty of time to think about it. Okay. I'm stressed. Randy will be a little busy this morning, but we'll get a crack at them in one way or another. Dancing. Oh, yeah.

I pulled a butt muscle dancing. Some of our listeners, as we've been discussing, stupid, embarrassing, personal injuries. A few of them have texted in about hurting themselves dancing. The butt muscle. And that got you on a slow dance. Am I correct? It was a slow dance at a friend's wedding. We went to the right. We went to the left and I had to run to a chair. Well, I shouldn't say run, stumble to a chair. I pulled a butt muscle on it. That's a large muscle.

Yeah. The butt muscle. Yeah. It didn't take long to bust that thing. The glutius Maximus. My wife brings. that up to this day. I would too, yeah. What was the rest of your evening like after tearing? Just sitting on a chair the rest of the day? But sitting must not have been terribly comfortable. Do you have to have one cheek on and one cheek off the chair?

Yeah, putting a little more weight on one. So, of course, it looked like I was flatulent the entire evening. He had some of the vegetable melody. You were lifting one cheek? Yeah, kind of like I'd have to every once in a while, just kind of lean to one side. Yeah, so people are thinking, well, this guy's got terrible gas. And he's very comfortable with his body functional.

Why didn't she go ask grandpa for the hemorrhoid pillow? Boy, you're not kidding. That probably could have helped. Ouch. Others here, I see, are telling stories of their children, injuring them. Got hitting the nuts plenty of times. Luckily, nothing serious, though. Yeah, that's what I'm getting here.

Little kids popping them in the yap and breaking a tooth out of mom's mouth. Oh, yeah, my wife's been headbutt a few times. You're right. What did you say just a second ago? Oh, getting hit in the bag. That's where I learned you can get hit in the bag from behind. I never knew that growing up. Yeah.

You know, we did play the sack tap game in sixth and seventh grade. But, yeah, getting hit from behind is, that was new to me. That changes your world, your outlook. A listener is asking, is today the anniversary of Randy Shaver's golf cart pond incident? I couldn't tell you the date, but. I mean, it's this event. Yeah. It's the same event.

I'd say it counts. Yeah, I'd say it's the anniversary. happens about the same time of year. This event usually is right. Like Josh said, early June. So close enough for us. Yes, every year that follows the infamous golf cart pond incident. Yes, every year is an anniversary.

Whether it lands on the same date or not, it's close enough. What were you saying? We should have had like a gathering in the parking lot. People can come and reminisce. The parking lot of the golf joint? Or here. Or here. Yeah, anywhere.

Yeah, anywhere. We could rent it out a place. I don't care. I believe that on the Rush Creek golf course, I'm going to be stopping by there later today. Ashley, you're golfing, right? Heck yeah. I think they have put up a sign.

Yes, there is a sign. There was one there last year. Oh, actually, since it's happened, I think they've had a sign up there. And there's usually something dorky on Randy Shaver's golf cart that he's driving around. Like, don't sink this one. A life jacket. A snorkel or something. Yeah.

Yeah, that, I mean, one of the greatest. I mean, certainly. the most notable thing to ever happen at a golf course in the history of Minnesota. At least here locally, that's the greatest thing to ever happen on a golf course. And it happened to the right guy. Happened to the right guy. Because if it was anybody, like, if that happened to you or me, he'd be enraged. He wouldn't find any humor in it.

He'd hold it against us. And even if it was accidental, he would assume we were effing off and we caused the accident ourselves. You're like, Samard or something. He would not be happy about that. One of my biggest regrets in life is not being here the day that we found out that that happened to Randy Schaver. I was on vacation. You were on vacation? Yeah.

He didn't have much of a sense of humor at first. No, he didn't. I know, but I just wish I wanted to hear his voice. He doesn't. It's just so bad, like the first initial reaction. He doesn't like to be the center of negative attention. Yeah, maybe not the best person. Is that the right way to put it?

Yeah, he doesn't... The butt of the joke. He doesn't want to be... Yeah, he doesn't have a sense of humor when it comes to that too much. He's getting so much better now that he's retired. But I suppose he had this image, right? He had to protect this honorable newsman.

Yep, and I think he did feel really bad about the camera guy he had with him. He almost drowned a camera guy. Yeah. Maybe on this program, he has a little more patience, I think, for being the butt of the joke. He absolutely does. But at this golf tournament, this charity means so much to him. I don't think he wanted to be. the doofus of the event, at least at first, like Josh said,

he did loosen up pretty quickly on the whole thing. But, I mean, that's humbling to be a grown man, and you almost drown in a pond at a golf tournament because you drove the golf cart into the water. And you're the face of the whole event. Yes, that's humbling. Yeah, I would have a really hard time coming back the next year, but he doesn't have a choice.

Can you imagine he just gives up raising money for cancer because of embarrassing? Turns into the Julie Nelson Cancer Foundation. And I'm sure that's funny. Someone brought up that since the incident where he went into the pond and almost drowned one of his coworkers and himself, since that incident, I can believe that every year now they hang a life jacket or something from his golf cart just to remind him. And yeah, they put a sign next to the pond that he went in.

Right. You know, the infamous story about my dad. sleepwalking off the back of a moving houseboat in the middle of the night and he very likely should have drowned and died in 1986 luckily his friend saved him at the very last second we were my brother and I were probably 13 when that happened and the old man didn't want to tell us about it I don't think he was concerned about us being scared by the story because we were 13 and we didn't have the most gentle childhood. You know what I mean?

Yeah. But he didn't tell us right away. I think it was because of embarrassment. He didn't want us to think he was a frigging buffoon, right? The way my brother and I found out was we were hanging around at the old man's house and one of his buddies stopped by and handed him. him a cabbage patch doll floaty that you might put around the waste of a baby when you put them in a pool.

Yeah. And my dad's like, ha ha, funny, you know, right? And we're like, well, what's that all about? I don't get it. I don't get it. Why would your friend give you a cabbage patch doll floaty? And he goes, well, boys, I got a little story for you. And he told us to.

But I think, yeah, that was more out of pride than anything. Yes. He did not want to be the butt of that joke, at least not in front of his kids. So there you go. We ought to get going for real. I hope you had a great weekend. Oh, here's a listing who looked it up. It was Monday, June 3rd, 20, and 19 when she ever ran into the pond.

It was only 2019? I would have thought it was even longer ago than that. I've been here for that long. Monday, June 3rd of 20 and 19. Okay. So this would be the seventh anniversary? Yeah, my God. You thought it was longer ago?

Yeah, it seems like it was longer ago. I suppose just the pandemic felt like forever. Yeah, that's true. That was like 10 years. We'll take a little break. We'll come back. Our first task will be the stupid news. Thanks for hanging out.

And we'll get to the stupid news here in a few minutes. 93. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

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Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410

or go to Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-E-L-L-L-C-L-E-L-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-E-L-A-L-L-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-E-L-R-E-L-E-L-R-E-L-E-L-R-E-L-E-R-E-L-E-L-E-R-E-E-R-E-RILL-E-E-RILL-E-Y-Y-Y. I think it's an excuse to Dress up like an idiot and go to a ball. The Full Send podcast. Oh, we're ready. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Let me tell you something.

You got some great stories out there. These embarrassing personal injury stories are terrific. We got to talking about embarrassing personal injuries earlier because Dana is addled this morning. He's injured. He tore a patient. piercing over the weekend. The last one you want to tear to, the worst one. 651-9-9-933-93.

If you have a funny, embarrassing personal injury story, here's a few that have been texted in. This stuff is great. I mean, some stories are cooler than others. Josh, let me ask you, you torture yourself daily over whether or not you're ever going to purchase a riding lawnmower. That's probably close to true. Yeah, almost every day. Certainly when the weather gets nicer. And you specifically desire to be the pilot of a zero-turn.

Yeah, I want to whip around. You want to go. So someone injuring themselves on a zero-turn mower, that's not embarrassing. That's kind of cool, right? That's really cool. I got a buddy from high school. Damn near died rolling over his long. One of our listeners.

That's unfortunate but cool. He rolled a zero-turn mower. He rolled that pit. smooth over. What did he have? He had to have surgery. But yeah, I mean, some of these are cooler than others. I think that's, this one's a cool one.

If you roll over a mower, uh, yeah, I don't think you should be ashamed of that. It means you were probably just that awesome on that lawnmower. Yeah, I, I guess I'm happy I have a very flat lawn because if there was an incline, maybe I would be a little nervous on that thing. Because when I mowed lawns, we just had walk behinds. and well first push mowers eventually we were doing well enough we could afford the walk behind and there's a couple

there's a couple of clients who had such steep lawns that i thought for sure i was going to tumble just with that yeah that's brave people that'll operate like a zero turn or something like that on those huge slopes a week ago i went to my folks place and i was mowing the lawn mowing their lawn and uh there are some slopes on the property and there were a couple of seconds where i thought i was going over all right it is a little freaky are some of the more dopey, embarrassing ones. This is great. We appreciate your text. Well, what the hell were you doing here? This text message, Josh, is from The Rod. Nice. Tora's hamstring turning a single into a double in beer league softball. Well, who does that? What are you, one of these hard ons? We never like playing beer league softball with the hard ons.

The guys that would push a single into a double? What are you trying to prove? Stop it. That's your own fault. When I was 18, a listener. said I slipped on catch and I tore my ACL. That sucks. The cat must have taken a deuce on the floor. He didn't see it. Weep, tears the eight. I was going five miles an hour on my snowmobile, broke a bone in my wrist.

I was out of work for seven months. Five miles an hour. Oh, man. Tor my labrum. Josh thinks that's up in the shoulder somewhere. I thought there was a couple of them, but anytime I hear a labrum injury, it's always a shoulder. You hear a lot about it from baseball players.

Yeah, so maybe that's only the one. One of our listeners tore is Labram setting up a stupid tent. I was camping. Oh. One of those pop-up ones. You throw it in the air, right? Yeah, yeah, it doesn't take much at all. He said he threw it up in the air, and a labrin.

Jeez. Oh, speaking of throwing, so we were at a family reunion yesterday afternoon slash grad party. And so, you know, there's a lot of 18-year-old dudes out there being 18-year-old dudes. And all look the same, by the way, same haircuts, same everything. and they have like a look now, right? They have the mustache, I think they call it, the broccoli haircuts, died. I'll let you see that now. But they were throwing footballs around.

They looked very athletic. They couldn't throw a spiral any better than I could. So I felt a little better about myself. Look at you, Josh. Yeah. What's happened to 18-year-old guys? I don't know. It's a lot different than it used to be.

More of these embarrassing injuries from our listening audience. Some bitch was trying to make a can of sloppy Joe's, and the can opened a 8-inch guy. Gas and how do you say? Gash. Opened an 8-inch gash in his thumb. Oh, I've done stuff like that before. The can of sloppy Joe's cut them up.

Listen to this one. I tore my LCL and my knee. My dog had chewed a strap off of my sandal and I didn't know it. Oh, no. That's bogus. They set that up. He puts on the sandal and, of course, he's expecting, you know, certain amounts of resistance. But it's not there.

and a dog chewed the strap off of a lot of animal injuries i've never torn anything like that but i i heard uh i heard you can hear it is that true like if you like tear your i've heard there's a pop but i yeah i've never experienced it thankfully threw my back out trying to tie my work boots i pinch my wiener in a folding table oh no dude i did that one time what my thin shorts when you're you know you two guys you know you big table i was trying to do it by myself. Sometimes it's just you're doing it alone, sometimes with a partner and you fold it and it slaps

between the... One of our listeners says, I wrecked my back while coughing and reaching for a light switch at the same time. Apparently that is a young man's game. Get the clapper, man. This might be my favorite, tough to choose, though. I had to have two

rotator cuff surgeries and a bicep repair on my right shoulder because I threw a feed bucket at a goat. That's funny. Another listener says all of your mothers all of your mothers

they complain about sore ankles whenever I grab them and put them in the air. Oh, for Pete's sakes. Throwing a feed bucket at a goat. I imagine that goat had pissed him off at some point. Yeah, I'd like to know what the goat did.

Get out of here. He throws the feed bucket and pop, pop, pop. Love it. Keep sending them if you haven't yet. 651, 989, 933. That's our Luther-Bloomington-Kia text line. And this all started because Dana was just walking in his yard. Didn't trip over anything, didn't stand in a hole, nothing.

Yep. That's how it goes with this right ankle of mine. Yeah, you got the trick ankle. I sure do. All right, on to the stupid news here. Here's a guy who effing snapped. Oh, my damn, did he ever? And you know, I've heard about some messy breakups.

But by damn, this might be the all-timer. This is a 48-year-old feller called Eric, and he comes from Pennsylvania. Let me tell you how this all shook out, because this is a keeper. Eric came home the other night, and he was ripped out of his damn gourd. He'd been putting him away. damn night putting away the Steve Weisers. He walked into the house drunk off his ass. And his old lady, he's got an old lady, Josh.

She was not happy with the shape that he was in. She was not pleased. You son of a bitch, she said. Well, she had seen enough of Eric's nonsense. I'm sure this was not the first time that he had come home, bombed off his ass. after drinking all day long. The wife upped and told Eric that it was all over. She told them that their marriage was all done.

You know, they hollered back and forth a little bit, cussing and swearing up and down. Eric ended up saying to his wife, You know what, lady? He said, if you end this marriage, I'll tear this effing house right down to the ground. That's when women swoon, right, Ashley?

Oh yeah. That gets me going every single time. Threats. And with that, Eric went outside, climbed into an excavator. For some unexplained reason, Eric has his own excavator sitting there on the property. We'll just have to go along with it. I also want an excavator. Yeah, that's like so cool, but he's so not cool. What would you do with your excavator, Josh? Excavate? That was a dumb one.

Literally everything. What would you not do with an excavator? I'd excavate every day. Eric went outside, climbed into his own personal excavator. He climbed into that pig. He turned her over. And he went ahead and started pulling the walls apart. He started pulling the house down with his wife and two daughters still inside the house. What a nutcase.

He doesn't deserve that excavator. Well, he wasn't kidding, was he? No. Yeah, that gentleman has quite the temper. The wife dialed 911. He dialed them up. Says here the police showed up before. Luckily, they showed up before he killed everybody dead.

According to the story, he had already bashed that friggin house to pieces. He tore the lid off the joint, rough gone, literally. He knocked the foundation like he knocked the house off of its moorings. He broke it smooth off the foundation. It's not often you hear the word moorings used not related to hockey. Is that right? Yeah. Was that word out of place?

Yeah. It was? Well, no, no, no. That was correct usage. I just say I only hear it when it refers to a net getting knocked off. Yeah. They knocked the net off the moorings. Right.

That excavator mixed with Eric's drunken rage packed a wallop. It seems as if it really is over between Eric and his old lady. Yeah, that don't usually seal the deal. She said she's going to take those kids. She's going to take the kids with her and she's gone. And Eric is up against some pretty ridiculous charges. My favorite being causing a catastrophe. I've never heard that one before.

Oh, yeah, I haven't heard that either. I wonder if I've ever done anything close to causing a catastrophe. I highly doubt it. He brought it down, Cubby. He brought it all down. Question. Yes. Can I ask probably the most 51-year-old

suburban dad question you could ask in his story like this that's most likely going to go nowhere. I'm interested. Does insurance cover something like this if you destroy your own home? No idea. I don't think so. Just trying to wonder like all the re I'm thinking of all the repercussions here that he obviously didn't think through. He let his anger get the best of him.

Wouldn't that be something? I don't know. He's effed in so many ways. Oh, he told her. He said you either back off or I'm going to bring this pig down to the screws. Sprinkler fitter, Jesus has texted in and he said, you know, you keep using

the word house. Are you sure this wasn't a trailer? I could see why he'd asked that question. I mean, you could be right, but the story, they used the word home and house over and over. It was definitely a house. I saw the video of it. Boy, he just ripped

her down to nothing. Going back to the injuries in strange ways or silly ways people have injured themselves, trunk junker Jesus said he gagged so hard cleaning up dog diarrhea that he broke a rib. You can break a rib from gagging hard? Just like dry heating? Oh, definitely. Don't even text about my mom. Please don't.

I can't handle it today. I realized it as I said it. I've set myself up for a Jill. Oh, I have to. You're safe with me because I missed where. your mother might have come into play there. I said, I don't even want to say it again, but because you asked. Yes.

You can break a rib from gagging too hard. Oh, no. Oh, no. Do you see what I've done? No, it, yes. Now I see. Well, I'd like to thank the few people who have decided to ignore my request that you don't send anything about my mom.

Block them. That's my fault, though. I can believe, Josh, that dry heaving, you know, look. I can believe that that might. separate a rib when I vomit I think we covered this not that long ago I put on a show

yeah me too I'm a very violent puker yes I people do not like it nothing dainty about it actually nope not at all I go for it they call it uh they have like a nickname for it it's called scromeding it's like you're kind of like screaming yeah I uh here's Nick

this is when I orgasm I'm still going. I made a mess of that library, I'll tell you. Yeah, everything I do is loud. I mean, I've told you that before my wife gets on my case about yawning loud, and I sneeze too loud, and I cough too loud, and I talk too loud. So I guess it just kind of goes along with how I'm wired, and it's been decades since I've puked.

But like in high school, when I would come home after drinking too much and then yak in my trash can in my bedroom. I mean, the whole neighborhood could hear it. Yeah. One night, my mother came down into the basement and said, are you going to make it? My parents and my husband both have said, and I'm trying to be a nice way to, like, basically shut up when I'm vomiting.

Like, can you, do you need to do that kind of thing? That's rude. I'm like, I was sick. I don't care. You can leave. That's ridiculous. You're in a terrible spot there. Really?

I'm sorry, am I being too loud while I'm dying over here? Like, I'm getting pleasure out of this? I apologize. I guess in my husband's case, I can't remember with my folks, but in his case, it's been when I've done it to myself. So I understand being irritated, like, you know, drinking too much. And I'm like, yeah, I get it. This is my fault. I would never have the courage to say that to somebody in that position.

Oh, it doesn't end well. Definitely does not. Especially to you. Yeah. Kidney Stone Jesus texted in, as we have been discussing, embarrassing, ridiculous personal injuries. Where is it now? It now disappeared. Oh, here it is.

Kidney Stone Jesus. Looking at my text machine. Sorry, sometimes they just go away. They just go away. He says, I puke so hard once. Or I think he's more or less saying every time he pukes, he breaks. he breaks blood vessels in his face. Oh yeah, same here.

Do you really? Yep. I've heard about that. The eyeballs sometimes turn red. Yeah, you look like the Terminator. There's some things that I, like I'll, you know, be talking with somebody and trying to bond over a certain topic and puking will come up or somehow. Yeah, I knew the way I set that up like that sounds ridiculous, but it does. And I've said like, oh, the worst is like when you, when it feels like you have pins and needles.

like all around your face. And they're like, what, that doesn't happen to me. I was like, oh. While throwing up. I was like, maybe I'm weird. Yeah, while throwing up. And maybe a part of it is because I'm throwing up so hard that like, yeah, that's maybe the blood vessel vibe situation going on.

I'm very sympathetic towards you, Ashley, on the subject where you say your parents and husband have asked you to keep it down. Can you keep the noise down a little bit while you're violently sick? I mean, what kind of an insensitive? I'll tell you a quick story. A dude that Josh and I used to work with here at the radio station. God rest his soul. Fun individual.

This was back in the day where, of course, everything was so over the top and gross on morning radio. One morning, this former co-worker of ours, he was challenged to eat, I think it was a pound of bread. bacon and five sticks of butter. Oh, the butter would really push you over the edge. In 10 minutes or something.

I don't remember the background as to why we were doing this. It was typical radio crap. But he said, yeah, I can do that. The indigestion. So he ripped down the pound of bacon. He swallowed all five sticks of butter. And it was very funny for two minutes. But the bastard just turned kind of gray, green.

The coloring in his face was off shortly afterwards. And he was breathing terribly hard. And someone on our morning show said, hey, do you have to? He said this. How did he say it? He goes, hey, do you? You don't have to breathe that hard. And the dude who just got done eating the bacon and butter said, how to hell would you know?

He said, yeah, I do. You don't have to breathe so hard. F you! Yes, I do right now. I'm suffering over here. I'm in survival mode, man. I just took in enough sodium and cholesterol for, you know, an entire town doesn't usually ingest that much sodium in a week, let alone I just did it in 10 minutes. Don't tell me how to breathe in this situation.

His poor belly. Oh, I bet that was miserable. He didn't. Yeah, that sounds like I would get. instant cramping. I've been a part of some of those and those challenges, those eating challenges, and I regret it pretty much every time. Could you do a pound of bacon, Josh? Easily. Yeah. Well, I shouldn't say easily, but pretty close to easily. Yeah. And if you do, if you do, Josh, and you are moaning and groaning, I promise you, I'm not going to say, hey, can you keep the

noise down over there? I'm trying to, I promise I'll be sympathetic. Okay, this is always fun. I love it when a puke bag crook. gets himself stuck in the chimney. Sometimes they make it out. Sometimes they don't. Police out there in the state of Washington. They grabbed the telephone call the other night. Someone on the line told them to come on over to a vacant, boarded-up house in the neighborhood.

They said that someone must be effing around in that house because there was some smoke coming up from the chimney. When the cops rolled on up, they could hear someone inside. They knocked on the door, nobody answered. Next thing, you know, some Jagoff climbed out a second-story window in the house and then up onto the roof, like a monkey. The cops hollered at the jagoff to bring his ass down off the roof, but this genius had a better idea he took to snaking his carcass down the chimney while it was still smoking. Smart. Hot, hot, hot. sure as hell, stupid ass got stuck in the chimney.

And they got a call in the whole stinking fire department. The boys at the firehouse had to shut down their cribbage tournament to race over and help stupid. Great. And it was no easy gig. Speaking of tearing the walls off of a house with that first story we had, Eric, they had to tear a friggin wall off the side of the house just to get to this guy. He's going to be fine. He was taken to jail.

But again, what a terrible pain in the ass for everyone in town. No kidding. I wish these low-life jackasses would just sit still. But they always got to be in everybody's way. They always got to be poking around where they don't belong. The jagasses. Rodan engineer Jesus ate at one point he ate about one and a half pounds of bacon a day for 30 days straight and felt great. That cannot be great.

Pounds of bacon a day for 30 days. I wish he would have taken his cholesterol before he did it, and then afterwards, that would have been really interesting to see if there was any change. You guys make fun of my weight a lot, so I bet you come after me for that. That is a lot of calories. You're getting a little pudgy. You're a lot of calories. Thank you.

I think, maybe. Wait a minute now. So did he explain why he was doing this? What was that diet everybody was on? Carnivore. Atkins diet? Or there's also the car what's that called? The carnivore diet?

No, something like caveman or what was that? Oh, I couldn't tell you the name. I just know there was a trend there for a while where people were only eating bacon and... I know that keto's like that, too. You can eat, it's like a lot of meat. It seems like a cool diet. I mean, it was like carnivore, but I thought there was a cuter name for it. Here's a listener who says, Josh, he'll feed you one and a half pounds of sausage every day for 30.

Whoa. Is he talking about his penis? I think so. Yes, isn't he? Challenge accepted. It's a pound and a half. He's a two one-eighter. Oh.

Oh, no. Yeah, he says he'll feed you a pound and a half of sausage every day for 30 days. Dude, you cannot handle a two-one-eighter. All you got to do is just sit still, he says. Embrace yourself. Hold on. Hold on. Incoming!

Oh, that's what a pound and a half looks like, huh? All right. Go ahead. You guys ever been with a two-one-a-eater? Yeah, absolutely Yeah, 2-1-8ers are where it's at It was nuts They don't care

It was a very crazy A couple of weeks there Good times Yeah A-21-8 or don't care Do they Ashley? Nope They'll do anything

To try to keep a 6-1-2er coming back Oh yeah They like the 6-1-2ers do it It's so true That's good to hear When you're a 6-1-2 or a 9-5 tour Or a 7-6-3 or And you go to the 218 zone

They will do anything To get you to come back So even the 95 tours, I'm a 95 tour. Yeah. I grew up a 6-1 tour. Yeah. Watch out. They'll get you. Yeah, so paleo.

A lot of text saying the diet you were referring to as a paleo. Somebody said that. I heard one of you guys say that. Someone said the gladiator diet. I don't know what that is, but that sounds sweet and I want to be on it. Yeah, that, I mean, maybe your bacon guy will get back to you, Josh, but he said he was eating a pound and a half of bacon every day for 30 days. 30 days, yeah. I'm just going to guess it was one of those wacky, trendy diets that came into town here, years. ago. Speaking of 218ers though, making the road trip up north to get a little bit of that

218 action. Maybe you had to be there, but one of my pals was telling us he had a 218 girlfriend happening. And he said, oh yeah? He said, yeah, I head up there pretty much every weekend. You having fun? Yeah, it's fun. She's pretty cool chick. Yeah, she's cool. And there was a pause and he said this. But her kids make pretty good fun of me. What do you mean? That makes me sad. I think he pretty, he told me that her kids were pretty used to dudes rotating in and out every few months, you know what I mean? And so, like, he was just the latest dopey boyfriend, right? They had a whole comedy routine. They just went right to the hits. As soon as he'd walk in, they're throwing garbage at him. Here's

mom's latest 612 boyfriend. What's up, stupid? Her kids make pretty good. Her kids make pretty good fun of me, he said. Oh. Can I take you back to last week, remember when we were called Fricking 6-1-tours? Yes. By a 21-8er? He's checked in and said 21-8 represent. There's some 21-8ers checking in.

Now, a 763-year texted in to say, I'm a 2-1-eater. I don't know a lot of 7-6-3 years. Be careful doing that act on the 21-8ers. You'll bring something home with you. Yeah, you'll have a souvenir for sure. Mediocre Machinist Jesus is a 952. in the 218. Yeah, I'm a 952 or in the 651. I'm sorry? I'm not sure I'm following that.

He's a 952 or in the 218. So he's up there. He can probably tell us. I'm a 952 or in the 651. Oh, there you go. All right, what are we got now? Oh, we got to sort this idiot out. Oh, similar to our last story, dude in California tried to break into a building overnight and the peckerhead got trapped in the walls.

The walls. By the way, no one has texted in yet to tell us of their experiences with 7-1-fivers. Yeah, people are saying, well, what about us 3-2-0ers? Where is that again, down south? I think that's in cloud. I thought it was, yeah, say cloud areas now? Stearns County. Huh, okay.

I'll go along with it. What about you 3-2-0? Oh, yeah, sure. You like to party? You're worth a bang. Now and again, absolutely. I got nothing against you. 7-1-5ers?

Feel free. Text in. What are your experiences with the 7-1-fivers? What about like the, is there some 507ers checking in? Now that's down south. Yeah, isn't that like, kind of like Rochester? Rochester. Yeah, I believe so.

I think you got that right, Cubby. Yeah. 4-06 or? Where's that? What? That's got to be a, is that Montana? I have no idea. I've got a buddy.

Let's see, 406. I was having trouble keeping track of just the ones we have in this region. What did you say, 406? 406. I don't know that one. Yeah, Montana. And people are, you forgot about 7-6-3 years. No, we didn't.

No, we mentioned that. We mentioned them. If there's anybody listening from outside of Minnesota, you might be very confused as to what's happening right now. Text us your area code. All right. And get back to us when you find out about this 406. And social security number, if you don't mind. Guy in California.

tried to break into a building overnight, got trapped in the walls. And he was locked in there for about 10 hours. That's a full workday. And then some. He was trapped in the walls. This bag goes by the name Isaac. I think I have this right. So this is very dramatic, if I have this correct.

So Isaac, he's nearly 30 years old now. It says here he was trying to break into a theater in town. He fell off the roof of the. the theater and somehow fell, there he goes, down, down, down, and somehow got trapped in the walls of the building next door. I hate myself so much. He needs to drink in his milk. I live here now.

And he's locked in the walls of the building next door. Yeah, like I'm a wall person now, I guess. So he's all beat to piss from falling off the lid of the lid of the. the building next door, lodges himself in the walls, and that building happens to be a coffee shop. So it just so happens that a couple of police officers were having a cup of coffee in the joint and they could hear some poor bastard crying out for help. That's perfect. And they couldn't tell where it was coming from.

They finally located Isaac, all torn to pieces, ass backwards, stuck in the walls of the coffee shop, just like the last dude we talked about. They got to call out an army of firemen and firewomen to blast out a wall so they could save the life, the life is how you say it, of Isaac, the stupid idiot. Fire crew had to cut the building into pieces. He was really lodged in there, he was. They had to cut through a layer of cinder block, a layer of cement behind it. It was just an unmitigated disaster.

It took two and a half hours to get it done. You guys ever seen any of those scary movies where the whole promise is that there's somebody in the walls? Yes. Do I need to tell the story again? You go ahead first. I was just going to say that I don't know about you guys, but that always messes me up for a while. Like, I'm weird at my house for a while. Every noise, I'm like, somebody lives in my walls.

Yeah, I mean, that was a mainstay in Scooby-Doo. Yeah. A lot of shows have something like that going on, criminal shows. It's a creepy scenario. I don't blame you for feeling a little iffy. in my head too much. Well, I've been pumping this for 30 years on the radio. An old movie, I think it was from the late 70s, called Bad Ronald. I'm sure now that I've said it out loud, do you recognize it? If you like movies about folks living in the walls and this and that, Bad Ronald is the movie for you.

And right here, you bet you Jesus just text it in. You're going to bring up Bad Ronald? Of course I am. Anytime we talk about stuff like this kid lived in the... the walls for decades. And he falls in love with the teenage girl that he's been watching ever since she was little. He falls in love. There was just a couple stories in the news

within the last two weeks about people living in parts of a home just for a place to stay. One was in a crawl space, another was in an attic. Luckily, the attic one was only a couple days before the family figured out. but the crawl space, that guy was down there for a while. Yeah, didn't he completely set up shop, basically? Yep, had a little home he made for himself.

If somebody came and, like, wanted to live in my house, they would leave pretty fast. I'd be like, this is not the house I want to live in. This sucks. It's so loud. It smells weird. It smells weird. Here's a listener who says he's a 209er living in a 218. Wink, wink, wink. You know what he's saying?

Do you know what he means by that? A 219. 2-19er. I think that's a penis-length joke. But I could be wrong. Anyway, this Isaac guy, once they peeled him out of the walls, they punched him in his mouth, and they took him to jail. I love that there were cops there. Oh, right.

In the coffee shop? Yeah, that's another one of those times, but it's got to be fun to be. And they hear a guy going, help. Josh, you ever find out what the 406 is? Montana. Oh, friggin' Montana. Lucky. There's some California, Mary Code's coming in, Seattle, Texas.

Arizona? Did we already say that one? I don't know if we said Arizona. Again, Josh and I, we like to tell the story of, for me, it was a friend of mine, and for Josh, it was a relative. When we've had the conversation before, what's the furthest anyone has driven or flown just to get a piece of ass? and Josh and I Our answers are The same state

I have a friend Who went all the way to South Carolina To get laid and he failed Josh who had a relative Also go all the way to South Carolina His was North Carolina Oh well same freaking thing Close enough

Close enough but Yeah and he drove Did your friend fly or drive Drove? Yeah Oh man That's bonkers But he failed

Did your relative get some? He did Yeah, my pal didn't even. He went all that way and he screwed it up. That's a long drive home. He got so stinking drunk night one meets up with this lady. He met her at a softball tournament here in Minnesota. National big-time softball tournament. She was from South Carolina.

She was here to watch her play. I can't remember which. They seem to like each other. She said, well, you should come visit me in South Carolina. and he hopped at the chance because he wasn't having any luck here in town. He went all the way there. Night one, he got so stinking drunk, he's strolling up all over her apartment. What a friggin, what a jabroney.

Yeah. So, of course, she's not going to take him on at that point. The next day, once he healed up, they went out together and he thought, okay, I screwed up night one, but tonight I'm going to get her. that night when they're out at a bar together, her ex shows up. And she and her ex argue at the bar all night long. Ruined everything. So there was, she wasn't exactly in the mood to fold after arguing with her ex for six hours.

Well, he sat there and so now we find himself drinking alone on night two because she's in the corner of the bar in a screaming match with her. Total disaster. My cousins was a chat room he met this woman in. I guess I don't know the theme. Dangerous. So, I mean, this is 1999, I think. It's hot stuff.

And he goes to, he drives all the way to North Carolina, whatever that is. I have 15, 20 hours. I have no idea. Jesus, who knows. And he's with her, intimate, and finds out she has a couple of sons living there. They're about eight to ten years older than he is. I'm out, about. And so we're in our 20s, right?

He's a couple years older than me, but so he's in his late 20s. He doesn't want to be a stepdaddy? He wasn't. ready for that, nor was he qualified. So she was a little bit of an older lady. Oh, yes. And I don't know if he knew her age, but he certainly didn't know she had a couple of adult sons that lived with her. And so she ended up coming back to our place. And I had no idea. We lived together. She comes up here. Yeah. And basically there was

like somebody living in a wall. She was in his room the whole time. I only saw her once. And she stayed for... Because they were just bumping. I think that's what it was. Bab boom, babo, babo, babo. So weird when people do that. I've known people in my life who, like, have their significant other, like, come stay at their house, like, or at their parents' house. And they just stay in the room all the time. Yeah, I almost had a heart attack years ago. I had a roommate, and he was a dude, and he had some gal in his room. I didn't know she was there for, like, two days.

It weirds me how pretty. Like, get some... Go out into the living room, venture. I was sitting in front of the television watching TV. All of a sudden, this woman walked. Yeah. Who are you? Oh, I'm here with Donnie.

I'm like, Jesus. I mean, someone should give me a heads up on the... I've never seen this woman before in my life and she walks out of Donnie's room wearing one of his t-shirts and that's it. Who the hell are you? Yeah, I'm with you on that. You've got to tell somebody. Trying to watch crank yankers over here.

You know, scared the life out of me. This person flew to England during COVID for some action, caught COVID and had to stay an extra two weeks. Oh, I bet that was awkward. Come on. Did he get in a year? He went all the way to England? England.

And he's stuck there. It might be worth it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show. I'll get there in just a minute. Lots and lots of text messages coming in.

In a half hour, Randy Shaver will be here live from his big golf tournament at Rush Creek Golf Club out there. And what is that? Corcoran. Maple Grove, I'm not sure. Randy Shaver will be with us at 745, actually. because this is a big event, big fundraiser for him out at the golf course. He's a very busy guy, but we'll get Randy in the mix, and we'll talk about how the NBA final finals,

we know who's going to be playing in that sum bitch. We know who's going to be playing in the National Hockey League Stanley Cup finals. It's going to be very exciting. If this matters at all to you, the Vikings hired a new general manager. I'll go ahead and be the first to say I couldn't possibly care less. The Minnesota Twins, things have been ugly for the twins lately. They've lost five in a row now. Things didn't go well in Pittsburgh.

But before we take another break ski, because we are running a little bit late, our conversation evolved into what's the furthest you've ever gone to get a piece of ass? Like mileage. Where'd you go? Or it could be a close friend of yours that you want to light up and make fun of, the furthest you've ever traveled to get some. All for Pete's sake, Cubby, we've gotten answers like this. here, Poland, Chile, Africa, the Philippines.

You told the story about England. I suppose with the Internet now and all that, you know, after hours, Tinder type stuff, Christ Almighty, the world has become a very small place. But I just had two quick text messages for you. This can't rival the distances that I mentioned, like Poland, Chile, Africa, Philippines, and England. but sometimes it's how you got there that makes it interesting to me. And here are a couple of texts. One of our listeners wrote his crotch rocket from here in the Twin Cities to Florida.

Oh, my God. Oh, the taint. That is not worth it. How do you even get yourself into a sexual position physically after riding a motorcycle from here to Florida? Just get a greyhound ticket, pal. The taint, like Josh said. It's ruined. Your privates are going to need.

a break for a day or two when you get there. How do you get yourself into a sexual position after something like that? And one more of our listeners. He rode his bicycle from Little Canada. I don't know the mileage here, but it's a bicycle. Road his bicycle from Little Canada to Hugo just to get a piece of ass in a cornfield. Whoa, that's pretty far. That's pretty far, dude.

Josh's news report's coming up right quick. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait.

Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheeding.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-A-A-A-A-Law.com. L-K-E-L-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you.

Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. If you don't control your money, it controls you. Yeah, you're not in control of your finances. You have to look outside of yourself to live the life that you want. You're not in control. You're like, like, what is it that you actually want? Money should follow the dreams and goals because sometimes we make the dream and goal,

the money, and you've overworked yourself, and you've exceeded what you've needed for the actual thing you want. Sometimes we forget, like, what's the actual thing you want? want. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Taff-assed morning show. Sixty-nine. This show's fuck. Who are you? Fart Knockers. 93X. I didn't even know bears existed in these areas. We see deer, coyotes, and foxes. We see those frequently, but a bear is like unheard of.

You expect to see a black bear in greater Minnesota. You don't expect to see one wandering around Burnsville, Dana's favorite city in the south metro. You take that back or I'll sue. You don't like that one? No. You ever go out in the woods and rassel them bears, Josh? No, you don't have the courage. You look like you could be a good bear rassler.

I appreciate that. I'm going to go ahead and disagree on that. I can picture him wrestling a cub. I don't want Josh to get hurt. Have you seen his calves? Yeah, that's true. He's got thick calves. I do enjoy.

Strong legs will help you wrestle a bear. Josh, leg wrestling a bear. I know. Isn't that a great thing to picture? All right, now I want to leg wrestle a bear. I'll call the zoo. We'll get that set up. I used to work there 20 years ago. They still know me. When we were kids, we used to go out there and cubby and we just rassel them. Yeah, I've never rasseled the bear. We had one stand up and it was like a mama bear.

That means they want to wrestle. Yeah, I think she wanted to kick or give us a big hug. I don't know what it was. But it was scary enough that we like four of us jumped on a three-wheeler and got the heck out of it. Were the Cubs in vicinity? Yes. Oh, yeah. She wasn't playing. We were playing Capture the Flag and my brother and one of my cousins, they hid behind a big fallen branch, basically. And on the other side of that, that was a cub.

Yeah, the mom was pissed. Yeah, black bears are super chill, unless there's babies involved. That's what I've heard. We were so frigging, we were just reckless as young kids when it came to the black bears up north. We should have been killed many times over, but we were just young and stupid. And I'm sorry, I blew up many years ago at my dad's fishing shack. One of his buddies showed up, and my dad's buddy got very, very drunk. And all night long, he just kept saying,

Who wants to go out in the woods and wrestle some of them pairs? Any of you young kids want to go out there and wrestle? That was where I was playing from that bit, Josh. Sorry, I blew up. Oh, no, no, no problem. I enjoyed that story. We kept saying, go ahead, tough guy, go out. Hey, you're the guy that's talking.

You've had 17 special exports. Go ahead. This happened Thursday night and again, I'll reiterate, Dana's favorite city in the South Metro, Burnsville. I got a text from my neighbor. There's a bear in our front yard, and then I immediately, obviously, went to my cameras. I had just finished working in the garage. I literally missed him by minutes. A Burnsville resident there reviewing home security footage discovered a black bear casually exploring his driveway. The sightings surprised both neighbors and wildlife officials because Burnsville

sits outside the area where black bears are commonly found, of course. According to the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources, black bears are the only bear species that live in Minnesota. They typically stick to forested regions and are not often seen in large metropolitan areas. In fact, the DNR's primary bear range extends only about as far south as northern Washington County. Still, wildlife experts say these encounters are becoming a little less unusual. Minnesota's black bear population has been gradually expanding southward and westward, and the DNR's interactive tracking map shows sightings popping up in communities across the state. We've had something like nearly 3,000 sightings of bears in the seven-county metro in the last 10 years.

It's becoming more and more normal. When bears venture into neighborhoods, they're usually following their noses, bird feeders, garbage cans, pet food, and other easy meals can attract curious visitors looking for a snack, but they also follow their hearts. May marks the beginning of black bear mating season, which runs through July and often sends bears roaming beyond their normal territory in search of romance and bear action. For bears, this is the season of romance, and so there's a lot of males out and about looking for ladies and love. but also this is the time of year when moms give their yearlings the boot. Apparently, word is getting out. The suburbs have snacks. Recent weeks have brought a string of sightings across the metro.

A black bear was spotted taking an early morning stroll through in a dinah neighborhood Saturday. Witnesses said it looked completely at home until it wandered onto a driveway with only a three-car garage. In Elk River, one was caught trying to burglarize a bird feeder while another homeowner reported seeing what appeared to be a mother-bearer. bear and her two-year-old cub relaxing in their driveway. That's awesome. I would love to see a bear just like hanging out in my yard. Yeah, they're headed in your direction. Yep, coming your way.

Oh, it would take everything in me not to pet them. They look so petable. Yeah, they are a big and adorable. The little ears? You're telling me I can't pet the bear. I don't think you should pet the bear. Florida residents on a late-night Taco Bell run got an unexpected meaty surprise, but it wasn't the menu item, kind.

It was the penis kind. A 28-year-old man was arrested early Thursday morning after deputies say he exposed himself outside a Taco Bell. They responded to the restaurant just before 1 a.m. After employees reported what the sheriff's office jokingly described as a, quote, man with his chimichanga out near a side door of the business. They called it a chimichanga? Yes, his penis.

Hilarious. When deputies arrived, they found Brandon Azari still outside the restaurant with multiple pairs of pants pulled down. Multiple. I wish they'd tell us how many, but he had more than one. He initially appeared unaware. Deputies were on scene. He was so busy being naked.

But then he attempted to cover himself once he realized law enforcement was there. Must have been difficult to pull up the multiple pants because what he did to cover himself was pull his shirt down to cover his genitals. Sure. The unusual case took another turn after he was taken into custody. While deputies inventoried his belongings, they discovered a live pet fish swimming inside a container stored in his backpack. That's not where they're supposed to be. The fish, a beta later named Baja Blast by deputies, was rushed to the Flagler County Humane Society in critical ill condition.

Thankfully, despite his unusual journey through the criminal genital system, Baja Blast didn't require a sturgeon, as shelter staff said he was doing just fine. Sheriff Rick's Daily commented on the arrest in a statement released by the agency. In our county, if you can't keep your business inside your pants, you'll find yourself at the Green Roof Inn, swimming with different company than your fish, Staley said. The man was arrested on a charge of unlawful exposure of sexual organs

and transported to the Green Metal Panel detention facility, better known locally as the Green Roof Inn. Over the years, the Green Roof Inn has become a character of its own right. It has taken out a life of its own, thanks to the snarky reputation surrounding it. Outside the jail sits a retro neon sign purchased with drugs, seized assets which features a blinking vacancy light. Another sign lists the facilities amenities north of Daytona Beach,

including no privacy, group bathrooms, and no meal selection. No privacy. I like that. Inmates do, however, receive free transportation to court in state prisons, designer handcuffs and leg irons, and color-coordinated jumpsuits and shoes, according to the sign. And for anyone considering a return visit, another sign near the jail's exit reminds former inmates that the green roof in, quote, always has a light on, and beds are available if they break the law again. One of these police departments just finally going to have a comedy standoff to determine an overall winner. You know what I mean?

Seems a lot of it's Florida, right? A lot of the sheriffs. Sheriff Staley said it's a warning to potential offenders that the jail is not a five-star hotel, and you do not want to stay there. I believe them at this point. I do. Yeah. I'm with you on that. Let's see, what should I do here?

I'll do these. The worst thing that usually happens while channel surfing is watching a bad show. The worst thing that usually happens while web surfing is a waste of an afternoon or embarrassing friction burns. You don't want to explain to your doctor. But couch surfing, as one Utah teenager recently learned, ends with a tragic trip to the ER. A Utah teen narrowly survived horrifying injuries earlier this month while attempting a dangerous TikTok trend. known as couch surfing. For those fortunate enough to have missed this particular corner of the internet,

couch serving involves towing a couch behind a vehicle, often through a parking lot, while a passenger sits or stands on it, and the driver speeds up and whips through turns. Jesus. It does sound fun. It does. An activity gaining popularity,

thanks to the baffling influence of TikTok on young people. Parents of the high school students said that their son was reportedly skeptical of the trend at first, But unfortunately, curiosity won, leading to his hospitalization. After the 16-year-old disastrous Davenport daredeveling, he was placed in an induced coma, suffering a fractured skull, broken bones, traumatic brain injuries, and other severe wounds and a failed attempt at the viral stunt. The couch leg breaks, and he goes flying, it's a horrible, horrible accident.

Perhaps the least surprising development of this entire story, the teen's case is by far not an isolated incident. Doctors told his mother this wasn't the first injury as a result of couch surfing there just this year. As a matter of fact, it was the third. Apparently, there's a TikTok trend going around. Doctors and nurses told us that this is the third case they've seen of couch surfing here at primary children's. This is bad timing, isn't it? Cubby. Schools out. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'd expect to see a few more of these in your neighborhood.

Luckily, this kid's doing much better, but it was real bad for a while there. Being dragged behind a pickup truck on living room furniture isn't limited to speeding sofas. There's also table surfing, which is essentially the same stunt, only trading upholstery for a tabletop. Activities like couch surfing do violate TikTok's community guidelines, and the site has placed warnings on related searches, alerting users that the challenge can be harmful. Half-ass morning show. Due to some sexual content, parental discretion is advised. On 93X.

Let's stick to table dances. Yeah, much safer. Or couch dances. Never had a couch dance. I had a table dance. I was very uncomfortable. If you were uncomfortable during the table dance, then you're not wired for a couch dance.

Are you talking about the one that happened last year at Toys for Tottas, Josh? No, he's talking about. Oh, I forgot about that one. Because that was uncomfortable just to watch. Yeah. I forgot about that table. It was the first time I ever went to a strip club, deja vu. Gotcha.

We got a table dance, and it was, she said some. things. They, and they're back, well, still to this day, I believe. To this day, I believe they're totally naked. So you got a totally naked table dance when you were an 18-year-old kid. I don't know if you remember this, but she had a tattoo, and it was essentially like the wings of a butterfly around what I like to refer to as a vagina. This was your original very first table dance?

On like the inside of her thighs? Yes. Like surround, like the, her vagina was the middle part. part of the butterfly. That's beautiful. It was the words she was saying. She said some dirty things. But she was totally nude too, and you don't, you do not like the butthole.

No, I don't. No. He covers it with a T-shirt. I don't like the, whenever he has. Yeah, it doesn't matter who it belongs to. One of my dogs, he likes to show his off. But she was laying there with her legs kind of like in a butterfly position, and she would make the wings flap. Right? That was my first experience.

Fun. I think that's the first time I ever saw a naked woman now that I think of. That was the first time you ever saw. Well, what did she say to you that made you so uncomfortable? Oh, it's uncomfortable. She wanted me to get in a particular state of arousal. She kept telling me to get. The word is hard.

Yeah, a boner is what she said. Oh, she called it a boner? I didn't know if I, if you guys knew what that one. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think I've ever heard a woman called a boner. She said directly to you, go ahead and get a boner. I'd prefer it if you had a boner.

what she said. She used the word prefer. Yeah. She said it would bring me great pleasure and I would feel I was doing my job correctly if you would get yourself a boner. Wow. Very professional stripper. You did not you hadn't achieved that yet? Not even close. Not even a half-boner. Because of fear

anxiety. Right. Nerves. And I'm there with, you know, Catholic guilt. Five of my buddies. So I'm not going to get a boner around them. No, they probably all had boners. I hope not. You know, I never asked. Never thought to ask. But a couple of them were very comfortable with Very comfortable, that's for sure.

Could have been worse. One of my bros, we were at the boom boom. This is when we were in our 40s, you know. And, boy, he got himself a very aggressive dance. This gal was just relentless. And, you know, he's in his 40s. And he had quite a bit to drink, which means, you know, it's usually a dead stick.

So she just... ravaged this friend of mine. And then she decided to grab him down there. And I'll never forget the look on his face because she realized, oh my God, after all that, you've got nothing going on down there. She looked at him as if she thought there was something wrong with him. And his quote was what made the entire experience. He said, yeah, sorry, he kind of got all balls on that one.

She was totally confused by the fact that he wasn't fully engorged beyond repair, right? But he's a 46-7-year-old man who had, you know, a dozen beers already. Is that disrespectful not to achieve an erection? It's not disrespectful. Yeah. I don't think it'll ever happen for me, but I hope I would never disrespect somebody by not getting a boner. All balls.

Turning to a much more traditional kind of surfing. Back to our couch surfing story. Today is Surf with Your Buddy Day, celebrating the shared experience of catching waves and reminding people surfing with a partner is vital for ocean safety. Oh. Keep that my Minnesota. You ever tried it?

Surfing? Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't get up on the board. No, I tried it. It looks really hard. I've done that boogie boarding. That's fine.

Oh, that's what I tried. Boogie boarding. That's close. Not surfing. I'm not sure what boogie boarding is, but I tried surfing. You'd like it. In the oceans of Costa Rica when I was a 39, 38-year-old dude, and it about killed me. It looks like it's so much fun, but I have.

I'm sure it is. It stops looking fun when you get, like, pulled down under by a wave. Well, it wasn't, I didn't experience that. It's just, it was all paddling. You know, I'm paddling, paddling, paddling, paddling, paddling. Exhausted. Yeah, that's exactly. That's all that was.

I found the waves to be very frustrating because any time I try, I almost got up, it would take me out. That's so, I don't know. It's just scary. I imagine, like, a shark riding the wave, and then it's like riding the wave into my face and takes a bite on my face. Oh, yeah, I didn't want to be there because I hate the ocean. I don't understand half of what's in there. But at least you got close to standing on the board.

I never even came close. Well, it's a boogie board, so I don't know if that counts. I'm assuming that's easier, but maybe somebody that does that kind of thing and let me know. I would think it would be tougher to surf on like one of those larger. Yeah. I'm going to look up what a boogie board is now because I don't know. I'm sure you've seen one.

Yeah, I bet you've done it. Do they call knee boards? Is that a different? I know what that is. Spider-Man Tom Holland turns 30 today. Comedian Nikki Glazer, 42, Morgan Freeman, 89. Best driver at Kempstone Jesus, Texan. A shout-out to his boy, Levi.

He caught his P-B small baths, small mouth, excuse me, this weekend. Nice. 21-incher. Ooh, 21-incher. P-B? I think, isn't that what Fisherman called Personal best? Oh, I've never heard that slogan. I thought that was the term.

Happy 16th to Everett from I throw dodge balls at kids for a living Jesus. another 16th today. Frigin gym teacher. Swamps, maybe... He's got to be a gym teacher. Yeah, hopefully a gym teacher. Or he's the world's... A hit man that's going to take a while to take a kid out.

Another happy 16th, Swamping Jesus. Next day, happy birthday to his son. He said, escaped from his incubator 16 years ago today. Happy belated birthday to half-rack Jesus from rolling truck Jesus. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. half-ass morning show. Fox has it.

A heads of the cell who goes in for the dump, and the San Antonio Spurs have done it. There will be a new champion in the NBA. A new era has dawned. It's Wendy's West. The Spurs are going to the NBA final. Who do we got here? The lonely boy? Yep, I am here.

Hello, Brad Ryder. Good morning. Good morning. Yeah, Randy Shaver, of course, is usually. dialed in with us every morning at 7.30, but we're going to have to wait a little bit. Randy's at Rush Creek Golf Course, and it's right about now that they're launching that first group of celebrity golfers for the big fundraiser. Randy says we can probably get a hold of them at about 745. Brad Ryder, will you be heading out today to golf with the crew?

No, I will not be heading out to golf, but I did see you guys, a few of you last night. And another, I mean, just, and you probably talked about it already, just another amazing event. And what he and Roseanne do for our community is really incredible. It's hard to put into words, not just the money, but when you see the lives that are impacted and the people that they bring to the event to tell their stories, it's really hard-statching. And it makes you proud to actually know the guy once in a while, right? Yeah. He paints himself in a different light sometimes. I mean, we know who does all the work, but yeah, we'll give Randy some credit as well.

Right. And he actually last night, he actually last night did acknowledge that very well a few times that, hey, this is just my name on this. And a lot of times it's his name behind it, but he doesn't do a lot of the work. And Roseanne and Heather Austin and some of the other folks there do want to share the work. and those people deserve so much credit for the time and the effort that they put into really making a difference in this community and answer research. You're exactly right, Bradrider. We actually haven't talked about it at all. We were waiting for Randy to join us, so you can dome him out all over again when he joins us here in about five.

No, you're exactly right. Randy Schaber, as we all know, he's not the most likable guy in the whole world. No, asking him that it's ever working. But when he and his wife and all their volunteers get together, they obviously make a big difference and raise so much money for folks. who could use it. So when Randy comes on, we can talk a little bit more about last night's gala and the golf tournament that he's up against today. But it's true. Rosanne and Heather, the work they do with such a small staff, it's incredible. How much money they raise and how involved they are in the community. And Josh and Dana, I don't think, are even aware of something special

that happened last night. And we'll get to that when we get Randy on the telephone line. First off, before all that, Brad Ryder, you heard the audio there that Josh put together for our intro, what were you doing? What was Brad Ryder's life all about in the year of 19 and 99? I was in the midst of my tenure working in the U of M athletic department, so I was at a lot of college hockey games. Okay, you were still working for the Golden Gopher Hockey Program. Yep, yep, that's what I was doing.

Well, actually, you know what, in 99, I transitioned over to basketball. I was working with the basketball team. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was at the O-D-O-them. You had no kids yet. I had no kids yet. I was married. I was a relative newlywed at that point.

I had been married a couple of years, but we did not have any kids yet. Now, you two were just bumping. Well, that was, you know, you like to give me a hard time about my cabin. That's when the cabin got some good use. Yeah, you were wearing that some bitch out up at the cabin. 19 and 99. I remember one morning, Josh, I woke up. The sky was all purple.

there are people running everywhere. Yeah, somebody wrote a song about that. Took me a second. I don't know lyrics real well, but that was good. The reason I bring it up is this year's NBA final will be a rematch of 19, then 99. The San Antonio Spurs and the New York Knickerbockers will be playing for the NBA title.

When was that? Was that Saturday night, Sunday night? When did the Spurs? Saturday night. Saturday night. Spurs closed it out. Spurs closed out that painful Western Conference series with a game seven win over Oklahoma City.

So that's the setup. I believe their series starts Wednesday. So we've got plenty of time to yank ourselves this way and that over this NBA final. I'll just tell you right now, the Spurs are looking for their sixth title. My damn. But their first since 20 plus 14. the Stinking Knicks are hoping for their first championship in 53 years. Wow.

I remember that 1999 final between the two and was a little bit different because it was the 50 game lockout short and season, first year without Jordan after he retired the second of three times. So it was kind of an odd year in the NBA that year. I got to be honest. And we're also going to hear the storyline a little bit too that it was kind of a boring final because Ewing was out. Remember that? Patrick Ewing was out. He didn't play that series, I believe. I got to go back and look at it, but he wasn't healthy. He had some sort of health issue, and it was kind of a foregone conclusion that the Knicks didn't have a chance.

And the Knicks were the 8 seed going into the playoffs, too. So like I said, just kind of an odd year. I'm impressed by the both of you because I have absolutely zero memory of the 19 and 99 NBA finals. I was in seventh grade in my life was the NBA at that point. Let me just take a guess. Was the Knicks top score, maybe Allen Houston? That sounds right. Was Littrell Spreewell a member of the New York Knicks back then? Some of this stuff is coming back to me. I'm going to say LaTrell Sprewell and Alan Houston were probably the two.

I just looked it up to make sure that I was right because a lot of times I'm not right, but I was on this one. Ewing had a partial tear of the Achilles during game two of the Eastern Conference finals that year. Somehow they made it through that series, but he didn't play, obviously, after the tear. and so he didn't play in the finals at all. The last time the New York Knicks won at all, can you guess, a Brad Rider? How many years ago did you?

Well, wait a minute, I did say 53 years ago, so I kind of gave it away. It was 1973. Wasn't that Willis Reed and that whole deal? Yes, they beat the Los Angeles Lakers in 19 plus 73. Since then, there was a loss to the Houston Rockets in the 94 final. and a loss to that Spurs Club we were just talking about in 99.

Okay, I just went down a little bit of a rabbit hole. You want to hear some of the final scores of those games in 1989? The final scores will be fine, but give me some more players. I mean, with the Spurs, of course, we're talking about Duncan and David Robinson and Sean Elliott, I'm sure, from the – I'm just – I'm wondering, was it Allen Houston, was it Latrell Sprewell? Were those the two big guns? Go ahead.

Okay. Well, that one I got to go back. back I was looking at the scores while I pulled up the roster. Was it a blowout? No, 78 to 77. Oh, it was very 90s. 89 to 81. Yeah, 80 to 67. 89 to 77. Those were some of the final scores.

If you're a younger person and you don't get it, that is very 90s. The NBA back then was not revolving around the three-point shot at all. it still was kind of a bigger man's game, as opposed to guys like Steph Curry floating around and chucking up threes all the time. And the game was much, much more physical. So, yeah, that's interesting. Very low scoring compared to today.

And I just pulled up the roster. You're right on all those guys. Alan Houston, LaTrell Spreewell was on that team. Larry Johnson was on that. Oh, yeah. Wow, Grandma. Marcus Camby. Charlie Ward.

Herb Williams. Charlie friggin' were Herb Williams. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, no matter who wins this series, it'll be the eighth different franchise to win a title in the last eight seasons. And that's wonderful, in my opinion. That's the longest streak in NBA history where different teams are rotating as champion. Toronto in 2019, Lakers in 2020, Milwaukee in 21, Golden State, 22, Denver 23, Boston, 24,

terrible Oklahoma City last year, and now either New York or San Antonio will be added to the list. So there you go. And again, we've got plenty of time to. Betters so far are heavily invested in the Knicks. That's not surprising. Okay. Randy Shavers, ready to talk on the telephone?

Hello, Randy. Hello. Andy Schaefer. Yellow. Telephone. The telephone is ringing. Hello. Hi.

There he is. Randy, it's so quiet back there. Hello, hello. Yes, Randy. Okay, I can hear you. How are you doing? You sent everybody off for that first round? Yeah, yeah, we just kind of had a little bit of a scramble here to get everybody off and running, but we were out on the golf course, and now I'm trying to evaluate who made it and who didn't today.

Part of the deal when you do... We know that you work... Earth cats. It is like herding cats. We know you work your ass off leading up to last night's gala and today's golf tournament, so I know you're very, very busy. Thank you for everything last night.

Brad Ryder was on the line, and Brad talked about what a great event you had last night at Medina and the hard work that you and your wife and all your volunteers do, so thanks again. You bet. We had a great night. We raised almost $120,000 in our auction, which is a new record for us.

and just a great turnout, you know, probably 500 plus people in the room, and everybody was super generous, and we just had a really good night all the way around. And it's a beautiful morning for golf. It's going to be a great day out here at Rush, and I've got so many people coming out to play, which I appreciate so much. So everything is, you know, other than, you know, a few people that, that I haven't seen yet that I hope made it out here. I think we're in pretty good shape.

That's great. Now, Ashley and I and Brad Ryder were at the gala last night at Medina Ballroom, and we had a great time, and we're happy to hear that you set a new record for money raised at your gala. But I don't think that Josh or Dana are aware of this. I'm very proud to say that 93X was presented with a nice award last night. I brought it to work, because it should be displayed at the bill. This isn't something that belongs to me.

Look at this nice award that we were given last night. It says, thanks to 93X for being a platinum sponsor for Randy's golf classic. And we're going to put this, I think this might be the only award that 93X has ever won. If not, it's the only meaningful one. Do you even have a trophy case? We have a trophy case. We have a trophy case, but it's loaded with old stuff. the 90s, you know, whatever.

On the wall, and when you walk in, there is a City Pages Award from like 1998 for Best Rock Station on the wall, like a little plaque. Can I see that? Yeah, of course. Come on over. Oh, wait. Oh, my God.

This is why we can't have nice things. Son of a bitch. I ran into the printer and I smashed the award. What a mess. It was beautiful. Oh, man. Oh, Jesus. Anybody win anything in the silent auction?

I've just got a little piece of glass. now, Josh, that says shaver on it. That's all I have left of the... Did anyone want... I actually did. I did a lot of... I'm embarrassed to say, and Randy can find this out. I did a lot of shopping last night. I did some Christmas shopping. I got

some stuff for some other people. Would you get a lot? Yeah. I lost... I did the online bid and lost a couple things, unfortunately. It's... You know, it's really cool. The tech. You can just do it on your phone and everything, but I do this... I don't think it's very cool, personally. Your wife was there. My wife knew how to do it.

I think that's cool, but I kind of missed the old school rivalries. We used to see, Randy, where people would stand there and kind of... Stand next to the items. Oh, yeah, just some of the anger at times. And there was one guy that was... You know, usually there's an incremental recommendation you bid five or $10 more than the previous person. But there's the one guy that was doing like a couple of pennies. Remember that?

It was over a grill. I thought he was going to fight people over that. I thought he was going to fight you. Well, I only bid a couple times on it. I didn't realize he was there. And eventually I'm like, okay, I guess this guy wants it more than the rest of us. At the old silent auctions, you'd get the host who would say, okay, five minutes until we close that pig. And then everyone rushes over to the item that they want.

And there's elbow fighting. And I thought Josh and this guy over this frigging grill, I thought you guys were going to have to have a hardcore ladder match. Well, I had nothing to do with me. He'd shoot me out for, I know. I thought that's what we were supposed to do. I'm not blaming you. He was very aggressive towards you, though. Yeah, he just approached me.

And he's like, I want that thing. I'm like, okay, then take it. Here's something I've noticed now. I've been to a decent amount of these things, Randy. You guys have the best silent auction in town, no doubt. Oh, that's the way to go, yeah. So much great stuff, and I'm so happy to hear that all that money was raised. Now, let me just, over the years I've noticed something.

Brad Ryder, you are very spirited when it comes to silent auctions, aren't you? Yeah, I do. I get a little competitive. He gets in there. At last night, you didn't hear a word that was said during everyone's speeches because Brad was fingering his phone trying to be high as spinner. I don't know if Ashley's there, but I was sitting next to Ash. and both Ashley and I were admittedly

we're on our phones during the first part of it until the silent auction. That's funny. We were staring at our phones quite a bit. That's true. And I know guys like you and gals like you. We have plenty of silent auctions for different reasons at the Wiseat American Legion,

who by the way was honored last night also at Randy's gala, and we're very thankful for that as well. I know a couple of bros who will fight you to the death for a friggin autographed baseball, whatever it is. They just want to be the winner. I mean, of course, everyone's there to raise money, but there is a competitive edge that's on display. Now, last night, Brad, you just, Ashley is not in the room. She'll be back here shortly.

But you mentioned that you and Ashley were quite feverishly bidding. At one point, while these nice speeches are being made, I hear Ashley go, mother effort. Because someone had up bid her, what's the term, higher bid bid bid, out bid? Yeah. Well, you can put your maximum on there in a just kind of does it automatically. Yeah, but that's not as fun, though. Oh, you like just to get in there and manually do it, huh? Yeah, he likes the spirit of it all. If you put, yeah, if you put the max bit in there, too, correct me if I'm wrong, Randy.

If you put the max bit in there, sometimes you can pay more for something than you're going to end up getting it. Oh, I didn't know that. I always put the max in. I didn't know that. And then you're frigging stuck, right? Oh, Jesus, I put $600 up there? Yeah, right, when you only needed to put five, yeah. Well, it was wonderful.

Randy, if you can think, I mean, I know, again, you're busy and running around like a moron this morning. Can you give us the star-studded lineup of the first round of golfers? Who have you seen Stroll by this morning? Well, Zach Porezi is here this morning. Gorgeous. Playing, which I appreciate very much. Marcus Polino here this morning. That's our guy.

Great to have Marcus here. Both members of the program. Yes. As I said to Marcus this morning, my hope is that you have a great time so that you can spread the word when I invite other wild players. If you're not in the Stanley Cup at this point in the season, maybe you'll come out and join us and be a part of it. So he's out here, John Randall, always is one of my favorite people out here this morning. Dave St. Peter, the former president of the Minnesota Twins, is out here today. Col Aldrich bought his own for some.

Oh, cool. So Cole is out here playing golf today. The Coal Patrol. Yeah, the Coal Patrol is out here today. So, you know, Joe Mauer is out here today. Terry Steinbach, Greg Olson. Nice. Former Twins player.

Yeah, so we just a bunch of people. My friends, you know, Julie and Bell and people like that. You know, we had some guys not show today, which I'm, you know, that happens. But all in all, I think we've had a really good morning, and hopefully this afternoon will go flawlessly as well. It's going to be a good one. I know Nick and I in the past have had a lot of fun watching John Randall drive the ball.

John Randall's a monster on the golf course. He's just a fun guy to be around, too. He's just a lot of fun. He is. He's a great character. The other one, Josh, you know, because Josh and I, to come grab a cart and just kind of spin around and say hi to everybody.

The one that blew our minds, I think, where when contact was made with the golf ball, I don't have any idea how anyone ever found it. It appeared when the drive was thrown, however you do it in golf, when the dude finished, when he followed through on his drive, it appeared the ball would end up in the next frigging county.

And that was Randall McDaniel. Oh, yeah. Yes, sir. The dude could drive a golf. golf ball at about 8, 900 miles an hour, it appears. Yeah, he could hit the ball. There's no doubt about it. And he's probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet.

True. One of the nicest people you'll ever meet. I was at Top Golf once for a Twins Community Foundation fundraiser type thing. And getting to watch Miguel, Sano and Nelson Cruz windmill drivers, I don't know how accurate. I don't know if I was stray to win, but those balls didn't land for quite a while. I can believe it. A listener has texted in Randy Schaber to say. good thing it rained the last couple of days,

so those ponds will be extra full for you to splash into. Well, the beauty of today is that at least for the morning golf, it's going to be basically cart paths only because of all the upgrades they've made out here and the overnight range.

So as long as I don't sway from the cart path, I think I'm going to be just fine. Okay. I have just received a personal text message. I'm not exactly sure who it's from, but it's Marcus Polino today out on the course, and he has his hands on one of our Nick and Josh State Fair t-shirts. That's hilarious.

That's awesome. So someone from the radio station. Look how small that looks next to him. That does look. What? It looks actually kind of oversized. If we got some big T-shirt, anyway, 93X has a hole at the, at the golf course and handing out 93X stuff.

Great. So now Marcus has our T-shirt. The Nick and Josh, best friends. That's hilarious. Greatest friendship in the history of radio t-shirt. That's awesome. I bet that's someone from our promotions department sent in that. Cool, cool.

I feel like an ass clown that I don't know who this is, but there you go. There you friggin. Before you got on the telephone, Randy, we were talking about the NBA finals coming up, the rematch of 19 and 99 with the Spurs and the New York Knicks. Yep. We can get further into that later on in the week.

I got a kick out of this. Shea Gilgis Alexander has Upton said that he considers this season of failure. And you know what? He's right. Yeah. Well, I mean, to be honest with you, I would rather hear him say that than anything else because that's the kind of competitor that he is.

So here we go. Well, I'm just saying. You know, if that was my player that I follow and he said that, I would be happy to hear him say that because it's all about winning. Nothing else really matters. I hope it becomes a tradition there in Oklahoma City. I hope failure becomes a tradition. Yeah, that would be fantastic.

After you win the title of the year before, I can see where that would be the case if you won the title the year before. Let's see what I don't think failure is going to be a big part of Oklahoma City. Right. I hope you're wrong. Without stack they are, there's no moral victories for those guys. I hope that they continue to lose prior to the NBA finals. That's all. That's all. Keep them out of the finals.

Maybe a nice first round exit. That'd be wonderful. It's coming. The links are in Phoenix tonight. How are the links doing? I've got to catch up. I've been lazy. The links are playing tonight.

I don't know if anyone knows how they're come tomorrow night. Las Vegas and North Carolina will meet up in the 20 and 26 Stanley Cup final. Both clubs are making their third appearance in the final. Both clubs have won the Cup once before. North Carolina won it in 2006. Las Vegas won the Bastard in 20 and 23. Hurricanes are. You know what?

Two really good fan bases. I mean, if you watched any of the games in the Western or Eastern finals, those fans are rabid in Carolina, and they are the same in Vegas. I don't know if the country is mesmerized by the matchup. I would probably say not. But I think those two fan bases are really strong. And, you know, it's going to be a fun series to watch, I think. I think so, too.

The Hurricanes have home ice, and they are the favorite if you check out what the derelicks are doing in Vegas. Damn, man. The twins big fat-ass 10-day road trip started so well. If you remember, the boys swept the Red Sox in Boston, but since then it's gone the other way. Yesterday, the boys got pretty much pumped in Pittsburgh. They were swept by the Buccoes in the series. The 20s have now lost five straight.

I mean, my damn, Bailey Ober's on the injured list. They cut ties with Simeon Woods Richardson, Kendris Rojas, is on the injured list. Everybody's injured. Coming back home, I think, for a week now. Yeah. I think they have the White Sox first and then the Royals later this week. I think I'm going to the game Thursday. So, yeah, they're back home for a week.

Yep, they'll be hoping some of that home cooking can turn things around. They start a series with the Chicago White Sox tonight at Target Field. But yesterday, I mean, the first two games of the series, they lost by a run. But yesterday they got hammered pretty good. Pittsburgh looks like a pretty good baseball team. Yeah, they're a good team. They've retooled their everyday lineup, and they're starting pitching.

They got Jared Jones back after injury. Baba Chandler's been pretty good, and, of course, they've got Paul Steen. So they're definitely a contender in a division. Brad can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think every team in that division, pirates, cardinals, Cubs, they're all over 500.

Yep, I was actually looking at. that last night. It's a very, very competitive division. Ashley, every team is above 500. They're looking good. Ashley, did you get a close look at the award that we got last night from Randy Schaeber? It says, right? Let me pass it over to Ashley.

Yeah, let me see. It says, thank you. Son of a bitch, I had just gotten it put back together. I'm not putting it back together. How about what happened yesterday with the New York Yankees? I know you're going to say, why even bring it? I don't like to talk about it. about the New York Yankees, but what they do yesterday,

they were playing the athletics. The Yankees were slapping the baseball all over the friggin' place in the third inning. It took the athletics 43 minutes to get the Yankees out of that half inning. Yankees sent eight. I think this is some kind of a record. They sent 18 men to the plate. Good board. 15 of them reach base.

13 of them scored. Jesus. Oh, my God. And they didn't hit one home run. It is like a terrible slow pitch. The Yankees racked up 11 hits, eight singles, two doubles, one triple in a half inning.

They were down three, nothing going into the third. They left the top of the third up 13 to three. Oh, my gosh. That was disgusting. Three different athletics pitchers, 75 pitches. Was that in the Sacramento ballpark? Was that out in... I believe so.

Yes. It was at their little minor league park. Yeah, yeah. Oh, for God's sake. Anthony Volpe, Ben Rice, Cody Bellinger, each had two hits in the inning. That's just gross. 75 fishes. That's a set that jumps out to me.

75 pitches in a half inning. In the one-half inning. That's crazy. Come on. I'd have a hard time not just walking up and getting up and walking out of there. Three players. It's such a weird dynamic with the athletics right now because they're playing in Sacramento. they're not called the Las Vegas athletics yet.

The new stadium is being built in Las Vegas. It's going to be beautiful when it's all said and done. But they're just like this team in limbo. It's just, it's weird. Well, you're right. They're not the Las Vegas athletics yet. Last year, if you called them the Sacramento A's, people would correct you and say, no, no, they're just the athletic.

But now this year, they are wearing jerse. that say Sacramento on them. Oh. Yes. They are. I don't have any idea what that means. I have an organization without a fan base right now. I mean, to be honest.

Yeah. Without a home fan base. Let's see. What else happened with baseball yesterday? Because there were some things. Who was playing yesterday? Okay, the Angels and the Rays were playing. Well, they hadn't begun playing yet.

Three players from the Angels and Rays. I think it was two angels and one ray were ejected before the first pitch because they were doing that national anthem standoff gimmick and the home played umpire wasn't interested I didn't know they're still doing that one

yeah every once in a while a couple times a year to me it didn't look like the umpire tossed them out to me it looked like they just kind of walked away but I mean I didn't see in-depth video and I guess it doesn't really matter but instead of, you know the gimmick, instead of heading back of the dugout

when the Star Spangled Banner is over, the players continue to stand there out front the dugouts with their hats over their hearts, and they stand there, and the first batter is in the batter's box and the pitcher's ready to go, and the umpire has to say, okay, boys, what are you doing?

You know, now these weren't players that were going to get a sniff at the field in the first place. A couple of them were injured, and the other one is just, pitched the day prior so he wasn't. But anyway, so they're still doing that bit. It's kind of fun. There were a couple of mascots also who were standing with them

and they were thrown out. Everyone was thrown out. I don't know. You still like that bit? It's whatever. Yeah, whatever. It's mascots. It's funny for a while.

It's cool. A Toronto Blue Jays outfielder was injured on the ball field yesterday by a kid in the stands. This is Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Hesu Sanchez. So from what I understand, he's out there playing in the field Toronto playing at Baltimore. And there was a kid in the stands who had a baseball.

And there was some kind of miscommunication. Jesus, what was that? Did we drop our award? Did someone just drop a severed skull into a tin bucket? What was that? Somebody just drove by my house. I don't know if that was what you heard, a garbage truck. Oh, God.

Anyway, so this ball player, Jesus, and a kid in the stands, they got their wires crossed. The kid somehow thought that Sanchez wanted to play catch, so the kid throws his baseball at Sanchez, hits him on the wrist with the baseball, and Sanchez had to leave the game. It looked like he wanted to play catch. I could see why the kid was confused.

So Sanchez, after the game, said I wasn't trying to play. catch. I just looked at them. They thought maybe I wanted to throw the ball around. It was a complete misunderstanding. He raised his glove. He did. Yeah, so I could definitely see why the kid got confused. All right. Because I guess I've seen a little bit of that this year. In between innings, the players will play a little catch with a young kid in the stands just to be nice. Well, I guess it backfired. This Sanchez dude, he's not in terrible shape. He said he doesn't think, I mean, for Christ's sake, he got hit on the wrist by a baseball thrown by a 12-year-old.

I don't think this is anything. Yeah. They're so overly careful nowadays, you know. But I got a kick out of this. An Orioles spokesperson said in a statement that the club has identified the fan, and they did remove him from the ballpark. Oh, come on. Thank God.

So dangerous. And they are going to conduct a thorough investigation. I don't think that's really necessary. I think they've already said. We figured it out. It was just a mistake. No need to call them. the feds in on this one.

It's kind of silly, though. What really is happening in the background? What is that? I didn't hear that. It must just be whatever. It's like pots and pans clinking together. It sounds like. Well, last year, Randy was sitting in, like, the bar area.

So that's what I assume. It sounds like you were sitting around a campfire getting ready to cook up some beans or something. All right. I'll just try to forget about it. How about this video now? of a youth baseball game. What are these? 12-year-old kids, okay, a youth baseball game in Oklahoma.

The head coach of one ball club and his son, the starting pitcher. I don't know how that happened, right? How in the hell do the coach's son become the starting pitcher? Off of pure talent, Nick, obviously. Oh, my God. The coach is suspended for life. His 12-year-old son, they say here, has been suspended for years. I don't know how many years.

The coach directed his kid, because this was a, there was a little static during this ball game. There was some pissiness going on. The coach directed his kid to throw a baseball into the opposing team's dugout. You keep him out of there. What the hell was that? Those are some of the people yelling get him out of there getting pissed off when they saw it happen. So the kid, 12-year-old kid, he's on the bump. he's acting like he's going to deliver a pitch.

Everyone's ready to go. There's a batter in the bat. Instead, he turns towards the opposing team's dugout and fires as hard as a 12-year-old can throw into their dugout. What a little brat. Well, he was directed by the old man. As a 12-year-old kid. That's true.

You're going to do whatever they say. Probably going to do what your dad says. Dad probably is a massive hard on. Yeah, sounds like it. So the coach got a lifetime suspension. 38-year-old guy. The kid, I mean, I feel, we all feel bad for the kid.

What, he can't play baseball now until he's, I don't know. In high school, who knows what the suspension is. But that's how they played it out, those two. Somebody was saying that he can just join, like, a different league. Oh. That he'd be fine. Well, I don't know if he's going to be fine. Well, yeah.

News travels fast in 2026. I don't know. It's still his dad. If it gets to that level, more than likely, the kid has probably been taught the wrong way for many, many years by the dad. So I don't know if you can just turn the page on something like that immediately either. And I'd imagine that's not an isolated incident for dad either. No, that's what I'm saying. And this, you know, we've had lots of fun over the years talking about poor behavior by parents at youth athletic events.

that's one of the most fun conversations possible. I love that stuff. Did we have coaches ever order us to do something illegal? Yeah. I had hockey coaches say, take that kid out however possible. I don't care how. It happened. So, you know, it's not a total rarity.

You guys ever have that experience? You ever have the coach? Say, hey, look. No, I wish. Number 12 out there? Get him out of here. I don't say that I did. No?

No. And I grew up playing in the late 60s and 70s, and you would think that that would happen a little bit, but I never really had that experience. I had people throw at me. Oh, I bet. You still do it. I had people throw at me.

I got hit a few times playing baseball. Why were they throwing at you? Because you were a terrific hitter, wanted you out of there? I was a good player, but I, you know, I can't tell you why. Well, there was one kid I could tell you why. He didn't

like each other. He went to school together and didn't like each other. Oh, I see. And I wasn't pitching that day. He was, and so I guess I should have seen it coming. That's funny. So you guys were like rivals in the hallway. Yeah, I mean, you know

how it is, you know, like when you're 12 and 13. Well, yeah. Was there a girl involved? Stupid stuff. Were you guys fighting over a chick? That happens. No.

No, I don't remember the whole circumstance. I just remember, I remember getting hit. I mean, hit me on the shoulder. I mean, playing youth hockey? That's as close as I've ever gotten getting hit by a baseball in the face. Ooh. He went upstairs on you.

Yeah, I turned my shoulder. And, you know, we're not throwing super hard. No. I have plenty of time to move, but. Yeah. One of our listeners says he was in a karate tournament when he was a kid, and his sensei ordered him to sweep the leg. Saw the documentary.

That's pretty well known. Get him a body. I definitely, a couple of guys in high school. I brushed them back. I didn't try to hit him. Was it because they were dicks in your school that you didn't like, like Randy's situation? Well, no, they didn't go to school with me. They were at rival high school.

Oh, rival high school. I can tell you when we played friendly wiffleball in my neighborhood when I was growing up, I had one of my friends, and we had probably 12, 13 guys. So it was a lot of, you know, it was a lot of players. But I had one friend who, and I do too, he loved Bob Gibson. I mean, absolutely loved Bob Gibson. And, of course, that's what Bob Gibson was, you know, basically famous for. just brushing people back.

He'd scared the piss out of people. And my friend loved to throw, it was just a whipple ball, but he loved to pretend he was Bob Gibson and throw inside, you know, make you back on your heels kind of a thing. Here's a listener who's texted in to say he grew up in Texas and played high school football, and he said coaches would put up pictures of the other team's top players. Oh, yeah.

Like at practice, he'd put up pictures, and he would tell the kids it's your job to not. them out in the first quarter by whatever means necessary. It was brutal. We broke a lot of bones, says this list. Similar to this story of the baseball dad ordering his son to throw a ball into the dugout. You know, it's similar. Maybe even worse, actually.

Yeah, probably worse. I mean, yeah, playing youth hockey. That what you were explaining, Randy Shaver, your hallway rivalries would spill out onto the ice big time. that was a big factor in our youth hockey games was this kid that you didn't like there he is on skates maybe he's not as solid on skates as you are you're going to bowl that prick oh you're going to make it as bad as possible on that prick and there was one kid at our school that was just the ultimate bully douchebag prick everybody hated him he signed up for hockey we had a friggin field day we punished that kid until his dad climbed over the glass his dad was so furious He didn't realize his kid was such a douche. Of course, they probably thought his kid was, you know, just the sweetest little thing in the world. He was a prick, and he had it coming.

We teed off on this kid so bad. His dad climbed over the glass to get us. He's making a beeline for our bench. Best part about it, dad slips on the ice, cracks his skull on the, not literally, but landed right on his noggin. I mean, that was like the greatest day of my life. Of course, yeah. Not only did we pummel yourself.

son, but now you came out here to look like a jackass trying to defend him? The hallway rivalries would spill into the mix. No question about it. We had the time of our lives. Before we get going, if this means anything to anybody, the twins hired a new general manager. He goes by the name of Nolan Teasley. He used to work for the sea ducks. What did I say?

Twins. Sorry, the Vikings signed a new GM. He used to work for the sea ducks. Yep. Just in time for the draft. And Rob Brzezinski is going to stay in place, which I think is great. So it'll be Tisley and Bresensky and O'Connell is kind of like the people that are in charge of the organization. The Triangle of Authority.

Is that what they call it? That's the used to call it back in the day. I can't remember who the names were, but people got a lot of run on making fun of that. Teasley comes from the scouting personnel background. So I guess maybe that kind of back. balance is the other two guys too. That sounds like a bad WWE stable.

It does. The Triangle of Authority. Vince McMahon, Ted DiBiase, and... The T.O.A. T.O.A. Triangle authority. Well, yeah, that was my high school. That was the name of my high school rock band. Now we're talking. Oh, wow. Yeah. That was the name of my high school

rock band, Cubby. We were T.O.A. I remember you saying that. What did it stand for with you guys? guys, though. Tripping on acid. Way cooler. Because we was straight tripping. I was thinking the T was something else and the A was something else.

The oil was the ore. Ah. We'll take either one. Or on. Yeah. One more time, I'm going to hoist this award that Randy and his wife gave 93X last night. I'm going to put it up on the cupboard here. God, help us.

Don't ever give us an award. Hey, Randy. Yes. Thanks for joining us. We know you're busier than hell. And I'll be, Ashley, will be seeing you later. I'll be seeing you later.

Have fun with your golf show. I will. Thanks so much, you guys, for supporting what we do. I appreciate it so much. It's our pleasure. Thanks, Brad Ryder. Yep, see you.

We'll be back here on the program in a few minutes. 93. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer

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Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-. And it spells, Leave for you. Full Send Golf. You guys know how much I really, really love golf? Fullsen Golf, 2V2. Me and VOD versus Big John and Kyle. Oh, it feels good to be back.

On the lengths with the boys. Join the party on the golf course. Back to golf in a big way. Now what? Practice. Let's go. Let's hit the range. I was like, let's go to the range.

We are headed to the golf. You want to golf with us? No. You don't play golf? No. Try. We got to break par. I'm very, very excited.

You excited? Yeah. Fullsen golf. Follow and listen on your. favorite platform. The half-ass morning show. 93X. Oh, yeah, she's Monday.

We've made it all the way up to 833. We know it ain't easy getting your beautiful body up out of bed on a Monday. So we appreciate you that much more for hanging with us this morning. We do. When we first cracked the damn mics near three hours ago, we talked about taking her slow this morning. We talked about dialing it back a little bit because of that Monday. vibe. We can try and keep that going right here, Cubby, for most of us, I'd say, there's nothing more relaxing than setting down and watching yourself a motion picture.

So I'm going to tell you about a few of the big stinking motion pictures that are set to be cut loose on all of us this summer. And you go ahead and tell me if these movies have caused you to fall down and touch yourself out of pure excitement, or if you'd rather than you'd rather get kicked in the ass than spend your valuable free time watching the damn thing or somewhere's in between maybe this is the first you've heard of these movies so it's pretty relaxing to sit down and watch a movie I'm gonna throw them your way you tell me if you got a line on what the hell I'm talking about I got the movie title and a brief description starting with oh for Christ's sake he man is is in the mix I do want to see it it looks

terrible. It does look pretty cheesy. It looks awful, but the cartoon is one of my favorites, so I'll watch it. Hopefully it's cheesy and terrible in the way that the movie makers are in on it. Yeah. Like we get it. We're just kind of relive this 80s show. Kind of campy a little bit. Yeah. I certainly watched a little bit of He-Man's television show back when it was a current thing in the mid-80s when that action figure became a big deal for little kids. A live-action He-Man movie. this will be coming out in just a couple of days. I was going to say He-Man is in the mix for the very first time, but this gimmick has been tried before.

Am I right about this, Josh? Was it, was it Dolph Lundgren? Yeah, I believe it was Dolph Lundgren. He tried out the He-Man role many, many years ago. Of course, Dolph Lundgren, otherwise known as Ivan Draga, from the Rocky 4 documentary. This is some cat named Nicholas, gallet,

scallet-zine. Jared Lido is in the movie as Skeletor. So you got your He-Man, your Skeletor, Shira, I hope, because Shira was a missile back in the 80s. Masters of the Universe. You say it doesn't look so good?

I mean, again, I do really want to see it, but it does not look so good, no. I don't know what the hell he's supposed to do with He-Man. It was so silly. How do you... I didn't think so at the time, but I rewatched it as an adult, yeah. And I didn't realize what a wimp, He-Man was.

In the cartoon? Yeah, when he's not He-Man, he's kind of a wimp. Was he? I'd have to re-watch it. I mean, just the name itself, He-Man. It's so dumb. Thought the toys were cool? How do you make that into a legit?

We'll find out. Now, this one we have talked about once or twice coming out in a couple of days. Because me and my pals, I mean, don't hold your breath. It probably won't happen. But me and my pals have talked. about going out to the Real Deal Theater and seeing the latest scary movie. It's been

a while. See, I wouldn't even know. I've been a fan of the series but when I'm watching them every once in a while they'll pop up on my television when I'm watching them I couldn't tell you if I was watching number one, five, three, two I have no. I just, I like that style of humor so in a couple days we'll get the latest

scary movie, the return of the Wayans family. It's been 13 years since the last one. Scary movie 5 and that was kind of parodying the found footage, paranormal activity, those types of movies. I saw a preview for scary movie, and it looked pretty stupid. Oh, no. Yeah, I mean, but they were all kind, that's the whole thing, right?

Yeah, exactly. I'm excited for it. Have you seen a preview for it? No. There was a couple moments that looked pretty funny, but. I actually don't watch previews anymore because they give everything away. I just can't do it. Yeah, I'm with you on that.

I hear what you're saying. A couple days ago, we, I inadvertently turned the screws on Cubby. I asked him, who's your Mount Rushmore of guitar players? And the text machine blew up. You know, I kind of put you in a corner. You went ahead and named your Mount Rushmore of guitar players, but of course you had hundreds of others that could have possibly made their way up there.

Oh, and over the weekend, I watched a bunch of YouTube videos of different guitar players where I thought he could have been up there. He could have been up there. Now, I'm not trying to put you in that same corner, but then again, maybe I am. could you possibly name your favorite power ballad? That's a slippery slope because if we all like the power ballad, we'll be like, oh, yeah, that's a great one.

But if we think it's a little too soft, we'll make fun of you for being a bitch. Your favorite power ballad. Boy, I mean, it's going to be White Snake, and there's so many to pick from. Oh. The deeper the love? I mean, would here I go again be considered one? Is this love? Absolutely.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Sure, you're going, you got white snake in mind. Interesting. Not that I dislike any of those answers. The reason I bring up... That comes top to mind. Favorite power ballad. That's so difficult. There's so many great ones. I bring it up because coming up in a couple of days, there'll be a movie coming out called Power Ballad. They say it's an R-rated musical comedy. What was the one with Tom Cruise that... Tom Cruise? Is that thing we do or so? No, no, Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. You're thinking of that. and Tom Hanks.

Yeah. Was it called Rockstar? I think it was called Rockstar. Rockstar. Yeah, I didn't see that one. Oh, you never saw that. That was a musical comedy. This is only the second time I think I've heard that.

This is Paul Rudd, correct? Yes. I try to remember. I record all the trailers, but a lot of times I do it months ahead, so I'm trying to remember. Rockstar with Tom Cruise, and for the life of me, I can't remember who else was in that movie. Actually, it was Mark Wahlberg. Oh, that's rock.

Mark Wahlberg was in 2001. Okay. Rock of Ages? Rock of Ages. This sounds similar. They call it an R-rated musical comedy starring Paul Rudd as a past-his-prime wedding singer who crossed his paths with a fading boy band star

played by Nick Jonas, power ballad. So I wonder if it'll have similar gimmicks to what we saw in Rock of Ages. That's right, it was Rock of Ages. Rock star was Mark Wahlberg jumping in with that heavy metal band. Okay. I don't know. I thought Rock of Ages was okay. Yeah, Tom Cruise really committed to the role. It was pretty funny.

Disclosure Day, the latest Steven Spielberg UFO movie. Yeah, I want to see that. Yeah, it's where we finally find out what's been going on with the aliens. We do. Thank God. They've been busy. Steven Spielberg, I didn't think he was even still around. Geez, he's got to be older than the hills at this point.

He's still doing his thing. Okay. Big UFO movie. We're rolling through some of the summer flicks that are headed in our direction. Going back and forth on whether or not we're fired up. In June, later on this month, Toy Story Part 5. I'm really looking forward to that one. I love those movies.

Never got involved in the Toy Story thing. Once my kids aged out, I didn't get past three. I saw the first three. Yeah, I saw the first three. The third one will kill you. Yeah, that was pretty sad. They say that this here, Toy Story 5 is the most emotional of them all. Which I don't know what could be possible after number three, but we'll see.

Also in June, Jackass. They're calling it best and last. They say this is the final. I'm excited. Yeah, I don't really have any interest. Yeah, it's not your humor. I never really got dialed into these guys either. It says John Knoxville, Steve O, We ban, and the rest of the boys get together for one more round of sliding bottle rockets.

up each other's beholes or whatever the hell they do. If you didn't get in on the ground floor of Jackass, there's no way you'd pick up a liking for it midway through. I think it's one of those things he's had to be there from the beginning. Very much an acquired taste. John Achena has a summer movie. Of course. Maybe more than one.

This is just the one that I'm aware of or the one that was included in this article. John Achena in a movie called Little Brother, R-rated, about a high-profile real estate agent whose perfect life is thrown into chaos oh, by his eccentric brother. I wonder who plays, does anyone know who plays the eccentric brother?

I'm not sure, but I'm glad you pronounced John Cena's name like that because it reminded me to tell you guys. I was watching. WW had a paper review yesterday, clash in Italy. And, you know, they in between matches, Nick, they pan the crowd. Look, there's that singer, there's that athlete. Sure.

and they pan to Santino Morella. He was in the crowd. Oh, cool. Yeah, it was fun to see him. He's looking good. He didn't jump into the ring. Now, it looks like Little Brother might be a Netflix movie. And Eric Andre.

Oh, he's hilarious. I'm not familiar, but by Dana's React. Yeah, I can't think of who it is. The name rings a bell. He's the only other person I recognize. Was he by chance part of a comedy duo? Oh, my God. No way.

Was he part of a comedy duo? The Eric Andre show. I know he had that for a while. I'm thinking to somebody else. Okay. Okay. Eric Andre. He's so funny.

Is he? That's going to be great. Did you see Bad Trip Ashley on Netflix? Yes. Yes, I have. That is unbelievably funny. You guys know that I can't really get into the whole John Cena thing as an actor. Yeah, I've been having a hard time with that.

I don't find him. I think he's so likable. I don't really like him. I just don't think he's any good at him. I still watch his movies, though, because maybe I just got nothing else going on. I think there's a lot of actors I enjoy that aren't very good at it. But he's just, you know, he's John Steena. I like him.

In July, speaking of television wrestlers, Mona. Moana, Moana, excuse me. Moana. Oh, a second one or something. It's a live action one with the rock. You know, he's returning, but this time it's the Rock. The Rock is part of the operation. I think it's funny that they've been doing these live action.

remakes or movies that came out 25, 30 years ago. Moana came out like, what, six years ago? They're already doing the live action version of it. It was only six years ago? I'll have to look it up. But it was much more recent, you know, because they've done the Lion King. That was 10 years ago. Okay. Yeah.

But it still seems a little soon. The Odyssey is a motion picture coming out in July. This one sounds interesting. We got a couple of texts from folks saying they can't wait to watch this one. Is this having to do with Greek gods and whatnot? Yes. That sounds incredible. I love that kind of stuff.

Starring Matt Damon. It's about Greek mythology from what I understand. That was my all-time favorite class. Oh. Pardon me? What's your all-time? What? That was my all-time favorite class in high school.

It was an elective that you could take, and it was like the origins of Greek mythology, and I absolutely fell in love with this kind of stuff because of that. Sounds kind of cool. It was really cool. I actually paid a lot of attention, and it was a good time. I loved Clash of the Titans when it came out in, I think, 19881 starring, God, don't tell me, Harry Hamlin. They remade it a number of years ago.

And the remake of Clash of the Titans, there was some little muscular character that played the lead role and he had very short hair. I know you guys know who he is. I couldn't come up with his name. I really liked the remake of Clash of the Titans. Sam Worthington? There you go. The original with Harry Hamlin as a little kid. Well, I guess I wasn't that little.

I was 10 or something, 11. and I really like that stuff. I see where you're going with that, Ashley. I'm kind of drawn to that Greek mythology thing. Buddy of mine just got back from Greece, and he called me As, how can I say it without getting in trouble? Asepicles. It's so much better when you can throw the word in there,

but that's my Greek God name. Oh, wow. You're wearing well, Josh. Thank you. They're going ahead with another evil dead movie in July. I haven't seen anything other than the original. And that came out. I want to say maybe 82.

And if you watch it today, the special effects are garbage compared to what they have available today. But watching the original Evil Dead movie when I was an 11, 12 year old kid, boy, did that movie grab me. It was so twisted and disgusting. And I just loved it. Why I haven't continued to be a fan, why I haven't continued to follow the series, I couldn't tell you. But I sure as hell will always love the original evil. Dead. Spider-Man's going ahead again in July.

That'll be a big one. Yeah, that'll be huge. Tom Hollins is fantastic. I haven't watched those in forever. Again with the wrestling, they're calling this one, Spider-Man New Day. What if they make a cameo? That'd be fantastic. Does it star Big E?

And I don't know. And this is the last movie on this report of big ones coming out this summer. Something or another called Spa Weekend. and they're saying this should be looked at as the female version of the overhang. Oh, heck yeah. I love Fisher. Anna Ferris, Wawa, we will. Oh, I'll be seeing her in the scary movie.

I've got a massive crush on that Anna Ferris character. So it's Ila Fisher, Anna Ferris, and Leslie Mann on a getaway trip. Oh, and you know what, Cubby? It goes off the rails. That's what happens. It does. It's a road trip comedy. Those never fail.

Michelle But two? I think I'm saying her last name correctly. I don't know, but she's in it, and she is absolutely hilarious. Do you guys know who I'm talking about? I bet if you saw her face, you would know who I'm going. No. What is she, is she known for a particular show? She's probably not in anything said anything that you guys would be into.

It's more like, uh, kind of like chick flick vibes. Okay. Well, I think Leslie Mann and Ila Fisher are very funny. So fun. Yeah, this, this movie's going to be absolutely hilarious. Heck yeah. Yay. Chick-flick. Ashley's excited about it. Christ, Ashley's got to get her ass out to the golf course.

He's golfing today at Randy Shaver's big charity golf tournament at Rush Creek. How is your golf game? How do you match up with the others? I can hold my own. I think that's one of the reasons why the sales guy I'm golfing with invited me to golf with him again this year. Oh, no. You have to golf with a sales guy here from the building? Yeah, but he's pretty fun to play with.

He kind of lets loose. It's kind of a different personality out there on the golf course. But I haven't been able to get out much at all, obviously, because I have a little baby. take care of. I did manage to bring him with one of the times, and I got like seven holes in. It wasn't looking that pretty, so we'll see how it goes. Do you go to a driving range or anything or play a little pot pot or something to get tuned up for this? Nah, I was trying to talk my husband into this past weekend letting me go and get some practice in, but we were too busy.

Have you ever had to be out on the course and had to deal with a heckler? Because I'm on my way to watch your game. Yeah, no, no, I haven't. I've dealt. with like, you know, my husband's friends being little debags, but that's about it. Ashley, how many months pregnant were you last year at this event? That's a really good question. Well, you were pretty pregnant. So let's see, June, July, August.

It was about six months. Yeah. So I was with Ashley last year in that group and pregnant. She was still bombing drives. It was amazing to see. Are you really that good? Because, you know, you told me once you were excellent at pocket billiards and you came to my house and you stunk the joint up.

It was a bad night. It was a bad night. Yeah. I mean, I think I'm okay. Okay. I'm actually pretty decent at driving the ball. For a woman, I guess. It's pretty impressive.

I'll be heading out there, too. She's impressed by herself, John. For a woman, she said. Yeah, no, because it matters. You know, women and golf. Because when I hit a really good drive, it's awesome. But, like, compared to men that are good at golf, my drive is stupid, stupid compared to theirs.

Well, I'll be heading out to check everything. to check out your game as well. You better bring me some beer when you come on over. They have beer there. Yeah, but what if I run out? Well, I'll fetch you a beer. I got nothing else to do. Yeah.

Yeah, just holler at me. Josh, will you ever bother golfing again personally? I see no reason. Probably not. No. My sons like to go. So maybe there'll be an opportunity to go at that point. When my oldest was younger, I played with him a few times.

Tell the story of when you made the ladies scream at that charity golf tournament all those years ago. Well, essentially, it was the one and only time we ever golfed. This was with the Minnesota Wild, like maybe their first or second year here. I can't remember. We were very young, and it was within the first three years. The very first year, the man bear pigs. They invited us to be a part of a golf tournament. It was great that they did that.

But you and I were terrible. Heck yeah, that sounds awesome. Oh, that was my first time ever playing. We were terrible. Everything that we hit looked like a ground ball to the shortstop. Oh, it was awful. Neither one of us knows how to go. The first time I ever picked up a golf club was a week prior.

Right. a buddy who is a golf pro, like kind of teach me the rules, because otherwise I would have been completely lost. And so we were out there, and I sucked, of course, the whole time. I don't remember what hole we were on, but enough where everybody knew I sucked. But at the same time, you know, it was me, you and a couple dudes that worked for the pigs. So it was low key. It was low key.

And we didn't have an audience ever. No, because we were, you know, like celebrities did. Like the players. Right. Nobody was following us around. Everyone was following at the time, you know, Neil Brought. and Dino Cicerole, whatever. So we didn't have an audience until this one particular hole that was Cubby's turn to drive.

And what happened? A couple of very hot mamas, some fly honeies. Dude. Like four or five fly honeys were behind us. I mean, the flyest of the fly. Oh, I'd be sweating. I hate when people watch me. And you did not want it to be your turn.

Yeah, I didn't want anybody to see me, much less them. And as soon as they came over, I'm like, oh, please don't stop. And then they stop. They waited to watch. And you were like, Nick, will you take my turn? He says to the man bear pig guy, will you go in front of him? We were like, no, no, it's your turn. You got the ball teed up.

That's how the rules are. And so I was doing everything I could to stall and hoping that they'd move on. But they didn't. They just waited around. Fly, honey. You're taking like 100 practice swings. I was just kind of standing there as if we'll just talk to you. And then when you go, we'll continue on.

But eventually. Super foxes. Eventually there's people behind us so we had to go. And so I went up there. I'm like, oh, no, this sucks. and I was so nervous, and I hit the drive of my life. Before and since, I've never, ever done that well. I couldn't believe how lucky I got.

He looked like Bob Hope just drove that pig. It looked like Craig Stadler. My one and only good drive. Yep, and the ladies went, oh, they really did. Well, I'm going to follow him for a couple holes now. That would have been the worst. I would have faked a Dana injury. They thought you were Arnold Nicholson.

close before we go we were discussing some of the big summer movies that are headed our way if that's your thing and we named them off we talked about whether we gave a rat's ass or not

two were texted in from listeners they wanted to know if we were pumped to go see Supergirl Oh it looks pretty funny actually I have not seen the ads but that sounds kind of

Cali's in it I believe the actress whose name something Something, something. The one who took it all off in that Sword movie? Oh, this looks really good, except based on the cover picture I'm looking at right here. There's a dog in it, and I can't watch anything with

a dog in it. Even if the dog is completely... It's like Super Dog or whatever the dog's name is. Nope, even if the dog is completely fine, you know at one point it's going to be put into a compromising situation, and I'm going to cry. I don't need that. You need to grow up at one point in a lot of you. Clark? Is that the right person for Supergirl?

I got some Michael Vic videos you don't want to watch. Anyway, It's killing me. What's the name of that gal who got naked 700 times in that... Amelia Clark, the actress. In the medieval movie, what was that called again? The series, Game of Thrones. And the other movie listeners sent in,

they're excited to go see Street Fighter. Oh, yeah. Yes. It doesn't come out until October, but I'm pumped about for that. I want to see that, too. That video game was so much fun. Street Fighter, dude. And speaking of wrestlers, who is in, Roman Raines is in it?

Cody Rhodes is in it? I'll get them out of there. I'm kidding. I'm sure they'll be. I know. They're going to be great. I'm sure they'll be fun. They're fun people.

It can't be any worse than the John Claude Van Damme one that came out in 1994. Jean-Claude Van Damme's never done anything bad. Josh, how would you come over this afternoon? I'm going to sit you down on the couch. He has it. I love the muscles from Brussels. Oh, man. I also kind of liked his stuff just because he was.

Yeah, he was one of those guys. I mean, even if it was bad, it was good. Jesus. I mean, I often wondered. I wonder how long this scene took to get through. You know what I mean? On the ground floor, because von D'am, whatever you say, his name, he just was not a very good actor.

I bet when he really had a line or two, you know what I mean? I bet it took a while. All right, so I had the wrong actress. I thought it was the Game of Thrones. No, she's from, she's one of the spinoffs, right? One of the Game of Thrones spinoffs, I'm pretty sure. and I'm afraid to say her last name. Millie Alcock, I believe, is...

Millie is the first name. Alcock, Alcock, Alcock, yeah. No kidding. That is one interesting last name. I don't think I'm... I can't think of who they did. Did you watch House of the Dragon? Never saw.

No, I do not think I've ever met an allcock in my life's time. She's gorgeous. What about just a mostly? The most cock family? Yeah. Nope, haven't crossed past with them. We've got to get the hell out of here. Congratulations to Jim on your.

your retirement from Ojibway Jesus. Banging Josh's mom every Thursday and Dawn Jesus text in a happy 25th anniversary. Shout out to his beautiful wife. Happy 14th anniversary to headbanger from the bar, Jesus and his better half. Happy birthday to Luke, 38 and looking fine from

first time texter. Kayla. And happy birthday to Johnny Mack from Dawn. 93X. Ah, air conditioning. The love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't say.

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