93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Dawn of the Doobie

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

Originally Aired August 4, 2026: Entertainer C. Willi Myles. Jim penis. Everything you wanna know about undercover shrubs. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Really? Just stone to the bejesus belt. That's cool. But that's okay. We welcome all types to be a part of the 93-E-E-E-E. Half-Aast Morning Show. We do. You know, maybe... You've heard the news, haven't you, Covey?

What's the news? I'll tell you in a minute. You had a thought? No, go ahead. I'll bring it up afterwards. The worm has turned. And it's a day I thought I'd never see. Here's what I'm talking about by God. And it should be a surprise to no one. This shouldn't surprise any of you's.

We've been full-on obsessed with marijuana in the last few years. years here in the United States of America, a full-on obsession. As you know, I was damn near driven to even harder street drugs because of this overwhelmed over the last few years. Marijuana, this, that, up and down, this way, you can't escape it. So it should be no surprise to anybody. What's it say here? For the first time in the history of man, today there are more folks. They did the arithmetic yesterday, Josh. And today, there are more folks using weed every day than there are folks smoking cigarettes. And there are more for, how do I say that?

There are more folks using that weed every day than there are people drinking every day. It's now, it's official or as Ashley would say official. It is a little surprising, but at the same time, like you said, you hear about it all the time. You knew what was coming. And I found out I married a druggie. I told you my wife a few weeks ago. Oh, I learned something else. I knew she did two.

She did two celtzers with that pot in it, right? And then she also had a gummy. I had no idea I was married to such a druggy. Wow. She's got a problem. She obviously has an issue with it. But she's going out of town to the drug cabin again this weekend. I don't know if she's going to be doing that or not.

She brings a bunch of shady characters up there and they just cut out the lights and do drugs? Well, apparently so. I mean, last time was the first opportunity. Well, I shouldn't say first opportunity, but the first time she ever did it. Smoking drugs or just drinking drugs? Just drinking and gumming.

And eating drugs. So maybe this weekend she's going to be out of town. Maybe I'll see if I can get higher than she did when she was gone the last time. You're going to get high while she is out of town getting high? Maybe I'll just be a druggie too. So it's one thing. It's one thing. of course for marijuana smokers to outpace cigarette smokers,

but to know that marijuana smokers are outpacing the cigarette smokers and the drinkers. I suppose we've been hearing a little bits of this over the years that people aren't drinking like they used to or certainly smoking like they used to. So here we are. And again, if you didn't see this common, then you must be even more lost than the average peckerhead. The writing's been on the wall. But now it's the dawn. How do I say this? Oh, Dawn of the Doobie.

Ain't a bad way to put it. It's an entirely new day and age altogether. It's entirely new. Remember the scene from Airplane? It's an entirely new day and age altogether. It's an entirely new day and age. You guys get that joke? No.

She said all together. What else do I have here? All together, Ashley. Yeah, just don't worry about her. Sorry. It takes her until about 620 or 6.30 to get caught. No, I'm just lost. Yeah, but this happens sometimes with the jokes.

It's early, you're high. Yeah. All right, everybody, all together. It's early, you're high. According to the latest. Again, Josh, you got to give her an hour. I'm sorry. I have no idea what's happening.

It's okay. It's kind of more fun when somebody, when you get it, we can relive it. We'll relive it. It is more fun when there's just crickets. I agree with you, Josh. According to a new federal survey, oh, great, the feds are involved.

21.4 million Americans use that devil's lettuce daily, or almost daily. 19.9 million adults smoke cigarettes every day, 17.2 million adults drink beer or hooch every day. So you see what happened there? Yeah, you're right. The cigarette thing is not surprising at all. I can't remember the last time I've seen somebody light up a cigarette. Oh, really? Oh, that's like, I don't know. Yesterday.

I still know some cigarette smokers. I see a lot of them. Oh, yeah. No, I don't encounter that at all, really. I'm kind of surprised at 19. I mean, I guess I forget how many, how many effing people do we have here in America? Too many is the answer, I think. Yeah. Through 300 million?

Jesus, Paul. Look it up. I don't know. 19.9 million folks still smoke cigarettes on a daily basis. I got a lot of love for those folks. They're not giving in. They're not giving up. 342.6 million people.

And all of them high. Oh, weird. What a weird stat. So, you know, you've got the changing public perception has been given a lot of credit for this marijuana movement. It didn't happen quickly. It's been a slow. progression, but it's finally, you know, topped cigarettes and beer. The changing public perception is that smoking a joint, eating one of those gummy bears

or whatever the hell, drinking one of those drinky drinks. I'm imagining that all of those forms of marijuana count. They encompassed it all. Yeah, they included all of the different ways you can. And I think part of it's got to be the stigma's going. on. Yeah. And it's legal.

So there's people that were not wanting to break the law, weren't doing it. The stigma. But it's gone. I mean, it used to be, you know, how would you describe that? I mean, it was not necessarily taboo, but kind of. Now it's not that way at all. Now it seems like everybody does it. Yeah, young, old, everybody.

Yeah, taboo is, you're exactly right. And taboo isn't the word. But, you know, even when I was a kid, marijuana smokers were looked at as this lazy, unwashed, hippy, unwanted individual. I mean, I think back to, you know, even a generation before us, Josh, our dads. I mean, my dad and his buddies, if you weren't a beer drinker, you weren't a man. You weren't an American if you weren't a beer drinker. And I remember even a story of their duck hunting crew.

You know, they had this regular duck hunting crew, and they would all go somewhere. And one guy got caught smoking pot in the duck blind, and they never invited them back ever again. Man, come on. Because he's a hippie. He's not part of what we're doing here. He's not a real blue collar some bitch, you know,

Wayland Jennings listening, cigarette smoking, beer drinking, hardcore truck drive. He's a hippie. He's a pothead. He's a stoner. Go back to Woodstock, you dirty. Poor guy. So, yeah, there was this perception. It's totally different now.

Everyone from your wife all the way to, all the way to, I mean, God knows. Everybody's doing it. So you're exactly right. Taboo isn't the word, but you absolutely are correct. there was a stigma stigma. Stigma, that's exactly it. There's definitely a stigma. People thought a certain thing about you and maybe it was a various

cornucopia of things they might have thought of. They never invited the guy back, Doc Hutton. He smoked one joint. God forbid. He just tries to relax. You know, but this was, you know, 1976, you know, it was all tough guys everywhere. What else is it? It's so different. Yeah. I remember like

when Gummies first became legal here. Oh, no, I take that back. They weren't legal yet. But they weren't in Colorado, right? A buddy of mine, I'm going to guess right now he's probably 67 years old. He called me. He's a goofy dude, really funny guy. And he's like, hey, I'm on my way to pick my daughter up from the airport.

I'm really excited. I'm like, well, I'm sure. She doesn't live here. Of course, you are. You haven't seen her in a while. He's like, no, no, no, no, you don't understand. She's got my weave. She's bringing a bag full of gummies back.

I'm like, wait a minute. You use marijuana. I was shocked. It just didn't seem like it, but now everybody uses that it appears. My mother-in-law's been a drug of your whole life. Drug addict. A drug addict. Good for her.

Dangerous, untrustworthy drug addict. So the changing public perception is, or the, I might leave out the word changing there, the public perception is today that weed is a milder alternative. to drinking your beer all day long and smoking your sick. What's it say here? It's more socially accepted. You know, Josh mentioned the legal thing, and don't ask us to explain that because we're like anyone else.

We don't know the rules on. People who are in the game that sell that stuff don't know the rules. Red beer Jesus, on the legal thing, before we move away from that, Red Beard Jesus said marijuana might be legal for some, but loads of us with a CDL, it's still illegal. Yeah. I didn't know that. It makes sense.

You know, it's weird. I was actually looking about how to acquire one of those over the weekend. Oh, are you going to be a school bus driver like you always dreamed of? I don't know. Some sort of driver, I think. Oh, I figured I should get something, a backup plan with how radio is. And so I was looking over the weekend about kind of what you do. What do you mean how radio is?

Well, I think you guys understand. There's reckonings from time to time. Well, that's really adorable that you're going out to get your CDL. I hope you achieve all of your dreams there. Josh, I was at a parade the other day, and they had a school bus drive-through, and then on the side it gave you, like, you know, the benefits and all that. And you can bring your kid to school if you work for them.

I think it started at, like, $28 an hour. And the PTO. I'll take it. It's a good business. Wow. That's all on the side of a bus. That sounds awesome. Yeah, they have more signs.

That was just like half of them. And then you go this way. Again, we're talking about how, for the first time, in the history of man there are more people using weed every day than there are smoking cigarettes every day and there are more weed users every day than there are daily drinkers.

The other angle here is the lack of a hangover. It's healthier, better on the body than drinking beer and hooch and smoking those delicious cigarettes. A friend of mine, big drinker for a long time, He switched not necessarily exclusively, but almost exclusively, exclusively to these seltzers for that reason. He says he doesn't get hangovers anymore.

Feels way better the next morning. Did you ever try a cigarette? No. You never tried a cigarette. Well, I took like one puff off one. I'm talking about, you know, fully committing yourself to smoking a couple of, never. Nope. That's crazy to me.

That was such like a normal part of growing up. I had access. I mean, I grew up with four smokers. in the house, chain smokers. Did you smoke cigarettes, Dana? I had a girlfriend once for a number of years, and she smoked, so I kind of smoked with her occasionally. How'd you like it? Oh, I loved it.

Yeah. Yeah, it was fantastic. Why'd you stop? Because, yeah, I knew it was not going to be good for me long term, but no, in the moment. You don't have any friends that smoke at all, no family members, no nothing. Jesus, balls. Oh, my gosh, my brothers smoke cigarettes like crazy. That's incredible to me.

I mean, I was absolutely surrounded by, the only thing that can. me from becoming a cigarette smoker was I had a lung collapse in... That'll stop yet. I'm glad that stopped you. That won't stop some people. Well, it didn't stop my dad. My dad lived his entire life with one, well, you know the story. When he was five years old, his brother shot him and blew one of his lungs across the farm. He lived his whole life with one lung and just continuously dumped tar and nicotine upon that little, that little, uh, innocent little lung that he had remaining. They should have done studies on his body.

Oh, God, it's crazy. My grandma had four heart attacks, and they kept saying, you got to stop smoking, but she never did. She had a Virginia slim in her hand every time I saw her. Until the day that she died. H-Fack delivery, Jesus said he once asked his grandfather if he smoked pot. His grandpa laughed and said, you'd get your ass kicked for that back in the day. Exactly.

That has changed. So much has changed. So you smoked for a little while, you liked it. You easily put them down. Yeah. But even more incredible, there's nobody, you know. your friend group or on either side of your family that was a regular smoker? Jesus.

What planet was your family from? My mom smoked cigarettes for a little bit when I was a kid. I remember she quit when I was in like second or third grade. But she definitely did smoke. But other than that, I don't really have many friends that to this day smoke cigarettes. It's going away. Well, still 19 million. But it, yeah, it's not as common as it used to be.

We loved getting together and like, you know, hanging out for the night. And we would, one of us would always have a pack of cigarettes that we could all blow through. We'd wake up just feeling like crap from smoking so much. Motorcross 492 Jesus said he's willing to trade me his CDL for a bag of the good stuff. I don't even know where to get a bag of the good. Well, I suppose just a dispensary. Is that the good stuff? That's nothing I don't even know enough about it.

I still to this day know nothing about it. Whatever. I mean, it's expensive, but it is like good stuff. I still know absolutely nothing about pot. I smoked pot when I was young. I was never any good at it. I would always get way too high. Would you say you smoke pot like a regular thing or just every once in a week?

You know, on the weekends at beer parties, high school beer parties. And like every weekend? Well, no, probably, I don't know, maybe once a month. I would smoke weed at a high school party. I was never regular. He never sought it out. Not really. No, no, no, absolutely.

I never really said, hey, man, who's got some weed? But at a high school or into our 20s, you know, college years, sitting around a party, someone's got some got a joint stick passing around, sure, I'll try a little bit of the But never was I regular on the weed Because like I said, I sucked at it I would get so baked and just turn into just a cartoon character But this is, I mean, yeah, it's

Did I ever tell you guys, I almost attempted to try pot once? I don't know if you've shared this. I'm almost attempted to try pot. Yeah, okay, you know what I have shared this with you? It was at the bathroom of the Flamberger. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Flameburger. And we got real drunk, and a couple of girls I was with was like, hey, come into the bathroom with us.

And I said, okay. And so I went in there, and one of them got completely naked to pee, completely naked. A lady got naked to pee? Yeah. Was she wearing a romper? Yes. Awesome. Yep.

And so. And you said, hey, two can play that game. Yeah, I could take my romper off. And one of them's like, hey, do you want to hit my oneie? Oney? I thought, what is a oneie? I'd never heard that term before. and so she's like, here you go.

And I kind of put it in my mouth and didn't know what to do with it, pretend it I did something and handed it back. I'm like, oh, that's the good stuff right there. Porno Jesus has texted in, and he's got, I think, a good way to put how it used to be around here, where the drinkers were kind of in one corner and those dirty hippie potheads were in the other. He says it's kind of like in the movie platoon, beer drinkers in one tent, pot smokers in the other. Yeah, I remember that scene. The cigarette smoking, yeah, I should have been a cigarette smoker.

And when I was an eighth grader, I really was getting into it. I would snatch my folks cigarettes or my older sisters. Well, me, I only got one sister. My sister's cigarettes and I was practicing on my own and smoking with some bros. And I was getting good at it. And then my right lung went to town on me when I never really took it up again. We went through that face in high school And we would all smoke those swisher sweets

Or all those with various cigars you get at gas stations Oh those were popular Oh yeah We would draw those down in the fish house all the time I didn't really count that But yeah I mean But it got to a point one time where I was opening blockbuster video At like 8 a.m. on a Saturday

And I was craving one And I go all right maybe I should dial those back a little bit If I'm wanting one while I'm rewining VHS tapes At 8 in the morning on a Saturday Sounds like the perfect time to have one Yeah. That's where we're at. The only reason that I don't smoke the, like, actual cigarettes is because of the teeth thing.

Teeth? You don't eat your teeth all yellow? Yeah. I just, I, for some reason, that's like, I mean, there's obviously a million other health reasons, I guess, but. But for you, it was aesthetically challenging for you. You didn't want to look. It's like I could feel it Like changing my teeth

My teeth The color of my teeth Every time I took a hit of it I'm like like you can just feel like kind of like a film Everyone's got their reason So you didn't want to have the yellow tombstones Hanging in your yap If it wasn't for that though

Well you know what you do I know a girl that similar to you She didn't want to for the wrinkles She was worried she'd get wrinkles Oh yeah Yeah it's funny now that you bring this up Most folks Immediately think about

You know your heart and your lungs but sure, there are other side effects to smoking cigarettes daily for years and years and years. Sure, it can, I mean, my folks lost all their sensation in their, they couldn't taste anything. My dad's smoking hand was basically just a lump of flesh. You couldn't feel anything in that smoking hand. The fingers that he used, I mean, they just, um. Yeah, I need to quit smoking the ESIG, too.

I wish I could go get, like, hypnotized. Are you back on that? I thought you have quit. I remember you saying that you couldn't wait until your baby was born because you wanted to go back to the E-Sig. Yeah, and then I forgot I was breastfeeding. You already not supposed to do that? No, uh-uh. And so like, unless you time it out, like very, like your kid has to be basically like sleeping through the night.

Yeah, it has to, yeah, at the same time. Little for mom, little for kid. Yeah, but it's, so it's, I mean, it's not the same, but I still would like to just eliminate it completely from my life. But I don't think I'm, I mean, the old. only reason I did before is because I was with child. That's pretty easy to do. So now help me out with this because I don't understand a lot of

the pot smoking gimmicks. I don't even understand that much about well, I know about old school cigarettes. But this E-Sig vaping gimmick, I still am pretty much on floor one at ground zero. I know so little about it. So are

ESIG supposed to be better for you than regular cigarettes? That's what some people claim, but I think there's still. Others say it's worse. Yeah, and like we don't know, like, the long-term side effects like we do for regular cigarettes. Okay. It's not the greatest thing. You know what you could have done if your teeth all would have, you know, look like dirty diapers. You just have the dentist pull all of them out and get you a fake...

Oh, some veneers? Well, no, just a full-on fake set of teeth. Get them all pulled. Oh, my God. That sounds so terrible. The adults in my life who smoked, chain smoked, I never noticed yellow teeth or anything. Probably because they got falsies. Well, my grandma did.

My grandma would soak her dentures every night. And listening to her talk when those things weren't in there was absolutely hilarious. Oh, when she'd get that kind of shrunken apple face, kind of the rotten apple face. Especially when she'd want to yell at one of my uncles. The mouth sucks into the skull. It's tucked right in there. No, some of the long time, older than the Hill cigarette smokers, Ashley, that I've known in my day. After a while, yeah, their teeth kind of looked like garbage.

So they had the dentist just blow them all out. and put in a full set of fakes. That's one way to do it. Yeah. I mean, that sounds absolutely terrible, but. Oh, they said it was no big thing at all. We're getting texts now from people saying one of the reasons they quit is because of how expensive smoking is nowadays. You know what?

I never thought of the obvious there, exactly. Some folks are saying, really, in the long run, the weed is cheaper. I haven't priced it out, so what does it go? Ashley, do you know what it costs to go, like, to a dispensary and get a weed or two? I'm trying to think. Let's say you wanted enough to last you a weekend. What would you think you would go for? 50 bucks, 60 bucks.

It depends where you go, though. Yeah, you know what, Josh? Absolutely. The cost of cigarettes absolutely has played a role in less and less people smoking daily. Even without all the other negative things people tell you. Right, right. That would keep me away. It was starting a habit that cost that much.

Chewing tobacco, too. Yeah, those zins that are so popular these days. I saw a guy get a carton of them or a tin of them, like a three pack or something. I could not believe how much it rang up for. Yeah, my husband uses those. But we got in like a little back and forth one day about how he uses zins because he wants me to stop smoking my sick. And we like went back and forth and I was like, well, you got to stop using those though. And he's like, but they're better for you.

And I was like, yeah, right. Like just saying like, that's impossible. and then I looked it up and they're like a lot better for you. Well, that's their marketing, right? Isn't that what they say? Yeah, I was like, wow. They do market it that way. You're on to something there, man.

You know, I'm chewing less than I ever have in my entire life for a couple of different reasons. And it's been less of a bitch than I thought it would be. I mean, I'm still having one here and there. But yeah, the cost is. I know a couple of old, old high school buddies when I've run into them. I mean, these were the guys that had a, they had a chew ring in their back pocket when we were in sixth grade. You know, they just, they were, from the word go, they were always, always had a chew in their yap. And I've run into them lately, and I've asked them, are you still chewing?

No. And I've said, man, I mean, how did you quit? Because it ain't easy at all. And a couple of them said it was real easy when you look at the cost. Yeah. And I thought, you lucky bastard, you can actually... That'd be a big one for me. To have the willpower just to walk away so easily.

But a few of them have said the cost, and I can totally get why cigarette smokers would say the same thing. It's ridiculous what they want now in trade for a pack of heaters or a can of snuff. I've given up recently for the cost. Same type of thing. It just seems like it's way too expensive. You gave up what? I had like almost a problem where I was drinking root beer like crazy. Root beer.

Yeah, so I'd always ask my wife to pick up... beer, you know, meaning root beer. And I would have probably four a day. And she does, I mean, I keep track of our budget, but she does the shopping. So it just comes in as groceries. I never knew the breakdown. It was like nine bucks a 12 packs. I'm like, well, I'm not going to.

I was worried I wouldn't be able to cut it. But when I just keep thinking about that nine bucks a 12 pack and I'm drinking one every three days, I had to give that up. You really are on top. When was this? You really are on top of all this financial stuff, aren't you? Yeah, I try to be. Like last week is when I realized it, and we just, I told her, just don't get that for me anymore. It seems pretty wasteful.

I know there are apps. That's so cute to think of you drinking your little root beer. People are saying, what kind of root beer, diet A&W? Oh, yeah, that's good stuff. I'll keep in mind if I had three a day, I'd be. Diet root beer. Oh, it's good. Oh, not the diet.

I'd put on like 50 pounds. You know, honey, I'm a little out of control. I'm up to four diet root beers a day. Bears. I call them beers at home. Will you allow yourself some fun, Josh? I love it. It's fun.

All right, we've got to get going here. Although I'm done now. You're all done. You're done with diet rip beer? I had four beers a night, and now I got to give it up. Too expensive. What do you think you've said? I suppose you don't pay as close attention.

No, I do not. I'm kind of anal. I'm the world. Also because I love the apps. We are very different when it comes to how we handle our financials. Do you have like an idea maybe? What's the question? How much you think you've saved since you've slated?

slowed way down on chew i couldn't tell you i bet it's significant oh i bet it is too i mean okay i could try i mean i'm down to now buying a can of chew i don't know every week and a half and before how much probably a can every other day every other day yeah so between that and slowing down on drinking i bet you're saving some bucks i wish i could do that arithmetic for you but i I have asked my wife. I bet it's pretty significant. She, all right, before we go, and a lot of texts have come in on this news this morning. Again, not that it should shock anybody, but there are now more daily marijuana users than there are daily drinkers or daily cigarette smokers.

And a lot of folks are texting in about weed, smokes, drinking. What do you call that stuff? Zinn's? Zins. Men's, everything. They're texting in about all their crutches. So I imagine we're not done with this yet. But real quick, I wanted to give a word up to a listener who texted in right away this morning.

Second shift welder Jesus texted in, and he wants a word life. Can you give him a word life? Word life. Word. He said, I just finished a 13-hour shift at the everything goes wrong and Fs me sideways. factory. And sometimes I feel like we work here. Oh, this place can be and everything goes wrong in F-Suss Sideways Factory.

It can be. You are not alone. What happened yesterday? Remember yesterday right before, for early morning listeners, and thank you for that, those of you listening live right now, we were supposed to go on at 540 and we had to go an extra song because as we were about to turn the mics on, all the headphones didn't work. Except for one that none of us use. Yeah, that was crazy.

It was just one that was working. Everything just died, and luckily, for whatever reason, it came back. I was running around like a crazy person trying to figure this out. Yeah, you got your cardio in yesterday morning, Josh, about this time. I had to work off all those root beers I've been drinking. Diet rip beer. Diet root beer. It's delicious.

There's so many good root beers. I love all of them. I actually have one right here, Josh. Regular sugar. Is this tempting you? Yeah. Thanks a lot, jerk, Wad. That does look really good.

I might have to go get a ripier. Not just open up a whole new can of. worms, but that's one thing throughout my entire life I've never understood. Diet Pop. Well, I grew up on it. I don't understand. Well, you drink Diet Gatorade now. Well, yeah. Yeah, but

Diet Gatorade is just... I mean, there's still a little bit of a sugar in it. But that's not pop. That's not pop. I'm talking about soda pop, like a cola or a Sprite or a Mountain Dew. Like I said, I... The neutered diet versions always just tasted like

sharp water. My uncle worked for Coke the majority of his career. And so he would get all the dented cans or they're just covered in syrup and stuff. We'd buy like a case of it for a quarter. So you're saying you became accustomed to diet pot. Yeah, because my mom, grandma, and aunt all drank it. My dad didn't drink it. So he'd bring over tab and Diet Coke.

So that's all we had in the house. We never, ever, for like a special occasion, they'd get a two-liter of, it would just be called strawberry pop. Oh, dude, that's so. I remember just the generic. Yeah, Shasta. That's one thing my parents didn't mess with.

Like, my mom, luckily for me, she was very serious about a few things growing up that they had to be like name brand. And the soda in our house was one of those things. So she always had her Diet Pepsi, but she made sure we had, you know, Coca-Cola, mug or a beer, orange crush, stuff like that.

Yeah, we never had that. Here's a listener who says, Diet soda tastes like TV static. Oh, no. Oh, dude, that's sparkling water. We got to get going again. You're a wonderful crowd. Again, the ravenous Tuesday morning crowd.

We'll see if we can get you folks to behave before it's all set and done. We'll return in a minute or two with the stupid news. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about.

And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93x. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer, Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Mike Drop, hosted by former Navy SEAL Mike Ridland. How would you characterize your prowess? I'd say my style is that I just kind of outwork everybody until I get there. Because I'm not a quitter. It's just you.

And that's yourself. There's everything else is team-oriented. The motivation, it was a sort of... anger at myself for being weak. That ends up being the driving factor. That anger, that pride, that ego, I think it's a muscle. It gets stronger. When you take that voice seriously, you start to change your life. Mike drop. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Yeah, you know how we get around here, Covey? We get to gab it? Oh, when we get to talking. You know how we, uh, yeah, we got to

jaw jacking about marijuana, drinking, smoking cigarettes, chewing snuff, all the good things in life. Weed is more popular now than ever. You were aware of that, I'm sure, but statistically now it's been made official, as Ashley would say, it's been made official. For the first time since the dawn of man, there are more people smoking pot or using marijuana daily than there are daily cigarette smokers and the weed enthusiasts are even more prominent now than daily drinkers. So this movement has become complete. Marijuana, how should I say it, Josh? Marijuana Mission One is complete.

Phase one. They've won the first battle. People have been texting in on everything. thing involving drinking, smoking, weed, chewing snuff, the whole smear. The cost was a side story. A lot of folks said, yeah, I don't smoke cigarettes the way I used to because of the cost. I don't chew tobacco the way I used to because of the, I don't go to bars the way I used to because of the money they want in trade for a drink these days.

So anyway, here are a few of our listeners' takes on this whole. disaster. A few people texted in Josh and said they have a solution to the cost of buying a carton of cigarettes. They now sit at home and roll their own. Oh, yeah. I know a guy that used to do that. Same here. Yeah. I know a few people who roll their own. They got the machine right there and they spend the first hour or two of their day. My folks were involved in rolling their own smokes for a while in an attempt.

It's fun. I've done it four people. Four people before, and I like it. Kind of a fun activity. If you're doing it every day, it probably gets annoying. I had a roommate that did it. There's just tobacco everywhere. Yeah, you get the shards everywhere. It can be messy.

Yeah, I've seen it firsthand. Never tried it myself. Yeah, a guy we used to work with would roll his own. Here's a guy that says I quit drinking seven years ago, and now I own a 72 El Camino SS. Oh, dude, that's awesome. That'd be a dream car for both of us, Nick. The El Camino's maybe my favorite motor vehicle.

You know, you've got folks with all different takes on the subject. Like here's a guy who says two packs of cigarettes these days are 2950. Wow. Jeez. I told myself, when they got over $4 a pack, I'd quit. But he says, yet here I am. Still smoking. There are apps that help you quit smoking,

and it does chart how much money you've saved. Say you haven't had a heater in two months and show. you like the raw dollar amount of how much you've saved. And I think that helps people a lot. For some people, money's a big motivator. For others, it doesn't affect them at all. Yeah, I don't care at all. That wouldn't be a reason why I stopped smoking and he said, no.

No. In my head, I think it's worth it. It's worth my mental stability. Well, yeah, I mean, that's... I agree with Ashley. That's a completely valid argument. I would say if it makes your life better. Here's a guy, big gut, how do I say it?

Big gut tow truck Jesus. He says he didn't have a choice. He says his first day is a truck driver, a truck driver. Day one, they hand you a high-vis vest, a jump box, and a pack of Marb Reds. Here's your kit. Red Butcher Jesus said his spouse just convinced his mom to use topical marijuana for her arthritis, turning her into a junkie right before my eyes. Topical.

I didn't know you could get topical weed. Oh, wow. Have you guys heard of that before? No. I can't. I mean, I'm not surprised. I can't picture myself before I go into the Pink Floyd Laser Light Show, I rub marijuana juice on my upper body as opposed to.

And it's like sunscreen. Can you get my back? And obviously that stuff isn't, yeah, that's not used to get high, at least. That's for old people, I think, who have physical problems. Okay, so back to these text messages. Josh and I talked about how the perception has changed so much. The stigma of being a regular marijuana user is so different now than it was, even when we were kids. When I was a kid, a regular pot smoker was thought of as this dirty, untrustworthy, hippie, low-life slug, right?

Totally different now. What does this say? Oh, yeah, this speaks to the change in perception. Here's a listener who says, I got caught smoking weed by my parents when I was in high school, and my grandma told me, hey, that's a good way to land yourself in prison. Speaking of low life, local 34 Jesus said he has THC drops that he makes himself. He makes him himself. Yeah, THC drops.

That sounds if he with a capital I. He makes his own. I mean, I wouldn't understand the process in the first place. Yeah. But Josh, are you going to try? and he won's homemade THC drops? Probably not, although I've drank some homemade moonshine. Big bearded Jared makes some really good stuff.

You're talking about the apple pie? Apple pie, yeah. That stuff will drop you to a knee. Put hair in your chest. I tried somebody's like homemade drugs once. Of course you have. Yeah, I was younger, obviously, a lot younger than I am now. These are homemade.

I learned from my mistakes, but it was crazy. I don't even like homemade beer. It was crazy. Crazy in what way? Like LSD-infused? Like, yeah, something like that. But they were, like, like, drops that you put in your mouth. And those were, those were something else.

That's what would keep me from going to a dispensary, or excuse me, from not going to a dispensary, is the fear that they'd mix it with other stuff, you know, that there's fentanyl or something crazy. If you go to your regular average neighborhood drug dealer. Yeah, that's why you get one when you're, like, younger. So, like, you have, like, a rapport with them, say you're homies. so they wouldn't do something like that to you, but I wouldn't go out and find, like, a new drug dealer. Ashley's encouraging early adoption of drug dealers when you do it, a teenager.

When you're 21. Get it on the ground floor. You have to be 21 at least. All right. So, again, the subject that started this whole line of nonsense, the subject was marijuana users are now more prominent than, daily drinkers or daily cigarette smokers. Here's a listener who says, yeah, okay, I get it.

But is there anything better than doing all of them at once? Would that be an eight ball? Is that a combination of a bunch of stuff? I have no idea. I've heard eight ball before. I know a guy. One of my favorite memories of, you know, we take these yearly trips up to Hayward, Wisconsin, and just hang out a bunch of low-life.

characters in their 50s sitting around a campfire drinking and trying to pretend like we still have it. I looked across the fire pit one night and there was one of my buddies big chewing his lip he's got a one hitter in his left hand

and he's got a cigarette burning in his right hand and he's got a drink in front of him. That's hitting... It's like one-man band. That's too much. Covering all the bases. Drink between his legs, chewing his lip pot and left hand cigarette in his right. No, that sounds like

the spins. I don't like that. No, no, he was fine. He's from Orno. I didn't even like, like, if I was out drinking for a night, and I knew that, like, you had to be, like, somewhat energetic or alive, I could not smoke weed. It would either make me

need to go to bed immediately, because I have a bunch of booze in me as well, or it would make me incredibly sick. I was never good at balancing the two. When you combine alcohol and weed? Yeah, and large. quantities. You know, like one beer and a couple hits of weed wouldn't do it to me. But if I was

like drinking vodka with my girls all right, oh my gosh. That was my biggest downfall in my weed smoking career was I really never took an interest in the joint stick that was getting passed around the party. I never really cared

until I was drunk. Yeah. And then I wanted some. And then that's when I became this goofy, what do they call that character out front of the wacky waving inflatable tube man? I became the wacky, wavy, inflatable tube man at the party. I was just out of control, moron. You hear that about, like, people who say,

no, I don't smoke, but when I drink, that's all I want. I want a cigarette. Yeah, I never really wanted the dope until I was already buzzed or drunk. Kind of like Josh, when I was younger, I never really started drinking until I was drunk. You know what I mean? I would casually drink beer, but then once I was hammered, I would drink four in an hour.

That's funny. Yeah. I suppose your inhibitions are down. You decide I'm going to make some bad choices. I want to apologize first to Jesus was a carpenter, Jesus. He said, an eight ball is a one-eighth bag of Coke. Come on, guys, you're embarrassing me. Yeah, sorry, I know nothing about this.

I wasn't sure if you maybe heard it used in a different way. That's how I thought I was like a... So that's why I was letting you have it. I wasn't sure if maybe there was something I haven't heard of. It depends on where you're from what an eight ball is. Yeah. Okay. Now, here's...

When I grew up in Catholic school, We said an eighth ball was just a combination of stuff. That's the way it was described to me. Now I know. Now this is funny. A listener texted in to say with this news now that marijuana is the thing. It's more prominent than it's ever been. More people are using it than ever before.

A listener has texted in to say, you know what will be funny? Is if now, today, some dickhead stepped up and made it illegal all over again. Sike. Just pull it right. Would that be? Some hard-on politician steps up and says, I will not rest until it's made it. I kind of would love that. Oh, that'd be funny. All right, we got to get going to the stupid news here.

I mean, I guess there's no hurry, but I always feel as a... Josh mentioned his mother-in-law earlier this morning. She's a drug addict. You've admitted that. She loves her weed. Lister wants to know, what's it like, dude, to have a mother-in-law who's a drug addict and your mother is a sex addict. Stop with all that. She's a Christian woman.

She's a church-going woman. She volunteers. She's a great person, and you keep going after her like that. Just pounding and pounding and pounding away. Josh, I do need to apologize for something. What's that? Over the weekend, I went to a restaurant and a chain mall, you know, at strip mall, and I was walking by a burger joint.

And I looked at the title of that burger joint, and I said, huh, that's just a Monday morning warm-up for Josh's mom. and the place was five guys. There's nobody around. I just said it in my own head, and I felt bad about it. So I just wanted to come clean. Hey, you know what?

Thank you for admitting that, and you are forgiven. The spokesman, Jesus, and a few other people text in and said that I'm thinking of a speedball, bra. Okay, so that's the combination. I'll forget it as soon as they tell us what it is. Sorry, hey, I'm learning. There's no reason to apologize.

I'm trying to be cool. While we were talking about pot, I got to tell you again, my dispensary story. Someone said something earlier about a dispensary. I've only been to one. I've got no need to walk into a dispensary. But when I was in Colorado with my wife and some other people, we decided, let's walk into one of these joints and see what it's all about. And, okay, I mean, talk about the stereotype.

of a pot smoker. When we walked into the joint, there was a front desk, and you had to first be kind of buzzed in to the store by this front desk attendant. And there he was. To me, it looked like about a 30-year-old guy, and he's got a desk in front of him

with a computer screen, and he's got his telephone. He was reclined so far back in his chair. He was basically laying flat on a little. his back with his feet up on the counter reclined as far back as he possibly could. Hell yeah. We walk in. He doesn't react at all.

He's still laid out. Didn't sit up, nothing. And we're standing there while he's reclined. And finally, it was one of these deals, Josh, where he kind of looked at us and then looked away and looked at us again and said this. Uh, yeah. Do you need something? And we said, yeah, we want to go into the bed.

Oh, okay. And he kind of hit a little buzzer or whatever. Hello? I kind of love that. You're interrupting his day. Leave him alone. Yeah. Okay.

Let's get up on the Stupid News Report. There are a lot of costumes coming into play. in today's stupid news report. We're still quite a poke from Halloween, but just for laughs, can you think of your favorite costume that you've ever poured your body into? Josh, when I was reading this yesterday,

I thought of that Lord of the Rings costume that you wore years ago was truly one of the best I've ever seen. Oh, I appreciate that. And again, that was, most of my better costumes were ones I put on to kind of annoy you, right? to make your eyes roll when you saw me in it. And that was Legolas.

And you know what, but had it been sloppy, maybe I would have been annoyed, but I came away from it impressed. Now, number one, I did not recognize you. He walks in with this long... It was a Legion, right? Yes, why is that American Legion? I was hosting a Halloween party.

We used to do that every year until we got too old. Anyway, he comes in with this long, straight head of blonde hair. I think it was like pulled backwards. and I can't remember what you were wearing otherwise, but I did not recognize you. I had like a cloak on. And I did not recognize it. Yes, some kind of a cloak, like a Robin Hood type of thing.

I did not recognize you at first. And then when I realized it was you, I did not know who you were supposed to be. And even when you told me, I don't know who Legolas is, but I just thought, oh my damn, I mean, that's perfect. You looked, later on, I looked up the character, and I was even,

more impressed. Oh, I appreciate that. Yeah, I did go through. I wanted to painstakingly recreate that just to kind of make you annoyed. And I knew you probably wouldn't get it, but I thought it just looked silly enough that it would bother you. But really my favorite was, and this was all because it was a great costume, was when I dressed as a stormtrooper. I wish I would have done more research about what happens when a stormtrooper has to pee. That was a huge pain. I bet. Oh, the stormtrooper. Yeah, I rented the stormtrooper outfit. for, we were, it was, I think at the time it was Sheiks, our broadcast for Toys for Tata's. The Stormtrooper was cute and everything, but all anyone has to do is just pull that over there.

Right, it was more easy. It was all put together. The Legalo's or whatever, that was like, that took work and it was perfect. Anyone else, the best costume you've ever suited yourself up to be? I can't really think of one. They've all just been like, kind of like the more basic vibes. I've always liked the costumes I wear to the Renaissance Festival. Those have been probably my favorite costumes. I bet I don't want to see you in one of those. For me?

You bet you don't want to see you in one of those. No, no, no, no, no. You would be fine with it. They're very PG. I mean, sometimes my skirt has gotten a little short, but for the most part, they're very PG. Shorter than the skirt that blew up into the air at Rick's Cabaret? Yeah.

Like, I can't wear this one anymore after having a baby. Because, like, hips change. My butt's all out. It does not hide anything. I think that the Renaissance Festival is the sexiest place in all of Scott County. Yeah, the boobs are insane. It's so charged sexually. Oh, you know what?

I don't really get it, but you guys go ahead. The reason in the past that I've been PG is because I haven't had any boobs, really, but this will probably be the first year that the Renaissance Festival happens that I actually got to look. Maybe I will just push them up as far as they can go. What's new at the Renaissance Festival this summer? Ashley's rack. Well, I heard Ashley's going to show up, and this time she's showing up with boobs.

She has breastfeeding boobs. To go back to one of my fondest... That is a bonus. One of my fondest memories of our Toys for Tata's toy drive at Rick's Cabaret was Ashley's first year here with the radio station. We went up on stage at Rick's Cabaret. You know, we told the dancers to take a break. You know, big crowd and everything.

Everyone having a good time. We just needed to get up on stage and do it. a quick hello thank you for coming kind of a thing and Ashley I think you were dressed as a school girl yeah I was just wearing a school girl a skirt there was no uh I wasn't trying to I don't know why you I got my Halloween mixed with my Christmas but yeah adorable you were wearing us you were dressed you were wearing a school girl skirt or however you hell you say that yep and you did not know about the floor fan why would they not turn it off for that reason so we get up there on stage and Ashley is standing there, you know, waving to the crowd.

And all of a sudden I heard the crowd go, oh, baby! And I looked over and there was Ashley's little bottom. The floor fan blew her skirt up in the air. And her little heinie was sticking out. My favorite part of that event still is your face when you're getting lap dances. Ashley, I've never seen somebody like a strip club more than you. It's so great there. Yeah, you absolutely love it.

It's because you've never been there with Lanahan. Oh, I don't want to go there with him. I do. Yeah, you do. I'll tell you, as far as costumes go, though, and I've never dressed like this, but I still fall for that inflatable T-Rax costume. A couple kids in the neighborhood have that.

I still find that hilarious. But have you seen the Transformer ones? No. Only from Goldie Gopher. Yes. Oh, I've only seen them on video, but those are so impressive. Goldies is the best, but I have seen the videos that you're talking about. It's usually like a little two-year-old or three-year-old,

and then they transform. So cool. All right. We were talking about costumes. Here's what the police in New Jersey are doing these days. What's it say now? Like a damned episode of the Roadrunner or some other wacky-ass animated program.

New Jersey cops are now dressing up as bushes to bust unlawful drivers. They're pinching folks left and right. They're mostly looking for you tool. bags who still text and drive, you idiots who are still fingering your phones while you're driving. So the poor bastards who are being pinched and pulled over and ticketed, they're all saying, damn, I never even saw a cop.

I've seen cops hide behind trees when they're doing some of those speed enforcement. Actually, over here on campus, I've seen that before. Have you guys witnessed that? They've got a speed gun and they kind of duck behind a big oak? Dude, no, I haven't seen that. If I saw that, I would absolutely die. That's so funny. Too busy texting to notice anything like that.

What do you do it? You should put the phone down and look because it's kind of comedy. I wonder if the cop feels dorky. I think I would. You have to. Come on. So, again, the drivers in New Jersey who are being pulled over and ticketed, they're all saying the same thing.

They're all saying, I never even saw a cop. And that's because the police have, they've up to tossed a couple of officers, obviously the new guys. they toss them into a full-on gilly suit, and they lay on the side of the road pretending to be a damned bush. They hand the pricks a pair of binoculars, and the gilly suit bush cops, they spy on the license plate number of a driver who's effing off behind the wheel,

then they radio ahead to another cop in a squad car, and they get the some bitch pulled over. One of the bush cops recently had a friggin' off. In Field Day, he was able to nail 74 different drivers for distracted driving and this and that. Imagine being a kid dreaming of being a cop one day and you're picturing like the movies and doing these heroic things. And then day one on the job. All right, here's your Bush costume. Go lay down to the side of the road, pal.

Have you ever put on a gilly suit? Yes. It is a really cool thing. It is. No, I've always wanted to put one on. You feel like you have superpowers. Even if I were the new cop and even if it was hot out, I really would be excited to be the Bush cop gilly suit.

Because that, there's something about putting that damn thing on. You kind of feel like a sea monster. Yeah, I don't think that's nerdy. Like, the gilly suit thing would be cool as a cop. But I just, the hiding behind the tree looks kind of silly. That would be stupid, but the gilly suit rules. So it says here, New Jersey has dumped an all-out ban on the use of telephones and other devices while driving like we do, right?

Don't we have an all-out ban? You can't hold your phone. So if you're out that way, That innocent looking shrub on the side of the road just might be an armed officer of the law looking to knock your D in the dirt. I told you before one of my oldest bros, Joey, the one who cries at all the Queenswright concert. Oh, yeah. Understood. Joey.

He's a photographer now. That's his passion. I mean, he's got a real job. But whenever he's not working, he'll get up at 1 o'clock in the morning, put on a gilly suit, and go lay in a swamp on. his side until daybreak so we can get the shot of a baby fox and its mother pooping in the woods. Yeah, that's really awesome. You should see some of his stuff. I would love to.

He really should turn pro. He gets these unbelievable shots, like close-up shots of these rare animals because he's willing to lay in his gilly suit for six hours motionless with his dog there the entire time. He and the dog. He's got the dog. Oh, my God. He's got the dog train, Josh. Like little foxes and ducks and baby bears and beavers and whatnot are running. And his dog just sits there with him the entire time.

Yeah. That's cool. That's Joey. That sounds like such a sweet life. Then he gets in his pickup and listens to death metal. I don't know. All right. Costumes.

Let's close this out with one more costume story. You folks like to watch a video or two, right? Of course. I've seen videos. Then maybe you might have. enjoy this one from the far southeast and over the hill bag of dicks

wearing what looks to me like a Superman themed wearable blanket was arrested for stealing things out of somebody's boat down there at the beach, don't you know? Do you know what I mean when I'm, when I say a wearable blanket? Yes.

Blanket wrap, a sleep So cozy. In this derelict's case, the blanket wrap thing was made to look like the wearer has Superman's body, and then you just pop your head out the top. Why a 57-year-old man would be dressed like that in public, I have no idea other than the obvious.

He's a low-life drug addict who steals from innocent people to fuel this habit, but this super jag-off is a 57-year-old man called James. And the video must be up on our website, I would imagine. Yes, sir. Thank you for that. He stole some power tools out the boat because he sucks. And yes, he's a convicted felon. So check out that video.

It's embarrassing for everyone involved. Do you get this joke? The article called him Clark ketamine? Yeah, that's funny. Oh, yeah. That's very funny. Oh, the next joke here in the article says that now the dude, James, he's headed for the county fortress of solid.

Also good. Not as good as Clark kind of mean. Yeah, he'll be locked up there. He's going to have to stay there for a while. That's James with his wearable Superman blanket. Do you have anyone here own a wearable blanket? Yes. Wasn't they called Snuggies back in the day?

Yeah, we used to have one. I think my son was gifted one for Christmas one. Yeah, they had those infomercials for the longest time. Then you could buy them at that as-seen on TV store at the Mall of America. For Christ's sake. How about Vikings won? and it's like lined with way more cushiony stuff.

Okay, now that we're talking about it, I used to own one. I was gifted a wearable blanket, Josh, that made it look like I was a Golden Gopher hockey player. That's hilarious. That's so cute. The jersey and the breezers and this.

And see, I'm always, you know, oh, Josh, you know how I'm always so cold. You do get chilly easy. I did wear the piss out of that thing for a while, and I don't know what the hell happened to it. Oh. I don't know what happened to my golden. I bet you wife threw it away.

what's possible? I should start bringing my wearable blanket into here because it's so gosh, unproductive in this building. It really is. It is gosh unpredictable. I've never heard anyone. I've heard of unbelievable,

but I've never heard on predictable before. I've got to tell hairdo, my friend hairdo that you said unpredictable because he likes to say unbelievable. You know what, boys? That is unbelievable. And I was like, wait a minute. There's an oh at the beginning.

Sports. on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Oh, wow. Here we go again, Josh, twins, royals, and here we go again with Joe Ryan versus the pimp. Running it back, huh? Rematch. We believe we got the same pitching matchup to last week here in town.

Tonight, the Royals and twins will play in Missouri, game one of three. And, yeah, Joe Ryan versus Randy Dobnack. Get some. A. LCS preview right there. I would love that. The twins made another deal. They got themselves a closer.

What the hell is his name again? Hoffman. Jeff Hoffman, got him from the Toronto Blue Jays. Josh, Ryan Jeffers, and Trevor Larnick, both remain on the Twins roster. Thankfully. You were happy to see the boys stick around? I don't know enough about the strategy

if that would have been a smart business move, but I like seeing those guys on the team. Yeah. And like we said. said yesterday, they're both having great seasons. They're both having terrific seasons. At 7.30 when Randy Schaer joins us, do we get to hear the national anthem from the women's

baseball, professional baseball, baseball games? You know, I had it ready yesterday in case it came up. I didn't know about it yesterday. I feel like a damn jackass. Oh, my gosh. Can we just, can we listen to it a couple times, please? Did you? Did you listen to it?

It's a tough listen. Yeah, I listened to it. Of course it's tough. That's why we want to listen to it. Yeah, it's so good. Oh, man. What's the problem? They did great.

Is it too bad? Well, I think at this point it's become such. Yesterday it was kind of a story. Today it's a huge, right? Take that back yesterday morning. By the end of yesterday, it became a huge story. I want to hear it. It's so bad.

All right. She's come out and said what happened. Well, she's 85 years old for pizza. Give her a break. And I do, I don't think she was making an excuse. She's like, hey, it was crazy windy. It was already tough to hear. And our monitors weren't working.

Couldn't hear what they were singing. I've heard good singers have issues when their monitors weren't working. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If you haven't, don't look it up. Randy Shaver's going to want to hear it. I want to all experience it together. Don't look it up. I need Randy to experience that. I really hope he hasn't heard it. Josh has some more news for you here in a few minutes.

Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast.

Ah, that's better. Schedule now at Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The U.S. Soccer Podcast. I'm your host Megan Klingeberg. And after interviewing so many dudes during this Men's World Cup, I'm so happy to be back with my U.S. Women's Ash team players.

I know the U.S. men's national team has changed how I think about myself, how I think about being an American, how I think about being on a team. It's one year out from that World Cup, and we're going to talk about the brightest prospects in U.S. soccer. You ready? I'm ready. Let's do it. The U.S. Soccer podcast, presented by Henkoe. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. I've been approached people loitering in this Kroger's parking lot. One of the reasons being is because 75 is so close.

It was just after 7 a.m. last Monday. when two masterminds orchestrated a heist at an Ohio Kroger, snatching a hall of groceries, so embarrassingly modest it comfortably qualified for the express lane. Rather than taking their little plunder and lying low, they triggered an escalating comedy of errors. A store manager dialed Miami Township Police, delivering a description of the getaway vehicle

along with its direction of travel. When an officer pulled the car over near an interstate ramp, the passenger decided standard protocol was for amateurs, and got the F out. As a cop pursued the runner across the grassy embankment leading toward the highway, the pursuit briefly devolved into a slapstick routine when the officer stumbled spectacularly.

He executed a deeply awkward, thoroughly embarrassing front flip into the turf, and the local news chose not to let the moment slide, replaying the tumble and calling it out. Watch as a shoplifting suspect clings to a car traveling down the interstate while trying to escape from the cops. Video shows police officers gracefully giving chase. Yes, gracefully. I'm picking up on your sarcasm. It was kind of bad. Meanwhile, that desperate dash funneled onto the northbound lanes of the freeway where traffic had slowed to a crawl to watch the action. Spotting an unsuspecting

SUV, the fleeing suspect leaped onto the hood of a woman's car and an attempt to carjacker. Traffic camera footage captured the absurdity that followed the suspect clinging to the moving vehicle like a panicked human-sized decal, smashing the windshield in an unsuccessful bid to gain control. The driver was hanging on to the passenger side door through the window. The driver kept rolling down the interstate while he hung on for dear life, right up until gravity brutally invoked a pavement slap as his grip finally failed. As his arms gave out and he tumbled to the pavement, the long arm of the law moved in and took him into custody. You can see this video in 93X.com.

It's kind of a clumsy scene altogether. Yeah. Do that guy kind of laugh a little bit? Did I hear him kind of? He kind of sounded like he was smiling. Let me go back to that. Male is hanging on to the passenger side door through the window. Yeah, it was.

That sounds like a guy I know. It was silly. You're silly. Hey, thank you. Does the guy you know live in Ohio? No. No. Probably not the same guy then.

Shoot. Was he visiting Ohio and became a police officer temporarily? You did actually, yeah. For a couple months. I don't know if you're still there or not, but I should check. Must be the guy. That is up on 93X.com, is it not? Yes, sir.

You to best. While being tossed from a bar at 1 a.m. for boinking in a bathroom, a 19-year-old woman spit in the face of the night spot's manager, not in the sexy way. Haley Surbaal was being escorted out of the Shesaw Crispy in St. Petersburg early Saturday when the alleged expectoration made contact with the face.

The bar is called She-So-Crispy? S-H-I-S-O. She's so crispy. Huh. That's... I'm not following that. Yeah, I don't know. They'll be served fried food. Yeah, that'd be my guess. It's a fried food restaurant.

I was just picturing a beer hall. It's both. Oh. Yeah. Huh. The fluid situation drooled into motion after employees confronted Serbel for doing some sex stuff in the restroom. And as she was being guided toward the exit, Spit got real.

Cops say she suddenly turned around and hawked a lugy squarely in the face of the 37-year-old She-So-Crispy GM because she's so nasty. Court records show Serbel is already juggling two pending felony cases. She was separately arrested last year for auto burglary and for alleged

allegedly being an accessory after the fact to an aggravated assault with a firearm. She's a wild one. She is, but she wasn't done clearing her throat. In the third case, she was arrested for criminal mischief after cops say she donned a black mask and slashed the tire of a car parked outside of a resident.

She's a real wild one. Yeah, she likes to have some fun. And I'm not trying to be cute with, like, that old song or anything. Here's a phlegm, fun fact for you. You produce between one and two liters of nasal mucus every day, and you wind up swallowing most of it. I can live with that. Can you?

I'm okay with it, too. Well, butter the bedposts and bite down on the leather. New Mexico has been caught with its pants down as America's most sexually adventurous state. Mexico. New Mexico. Oh, sorry. Did I say Mexico?

I meant to... Can't be sure. At this point now, I can't be sure. In fact, the land of enchantment isn't just casting spells. It's throwing ropes. These dirty details came courtesy of a study by Say It With a Condom, a company that designs and creates custom printed condom packaging. Why? It may...

It's just for... Whimsy? It measured everything from how often residents get it on. Get it on, he says. To their appetite. for spicy Google. Love it when you talk dirty. Yeah. Their appetite for spicy Google searches and visits to adults-only shops. Would you imagine this is because they're in New Mexico and they're

in a damn thing to do otherwise? Could be part of that, right? Yeah, so come on. Like North Dakota's got to be in there somewhere. They are on the list. Yeah. For every 1,000 people, New Mexico residents rack up a zipper popping 10,585 Google searches for smut. They make take over six monthly trips to sex shops per million residents and keep the bed springs squeaking by having two intercourse a week. And all that pelvic pounding earns New Mexico a kink score of 91.6 out of 100, thrusting it straight to the top and the most sexually adventurous date in the nation. Oregon penetrated the second spot, driven hard by the country's highest rate of brick-and-mortar kink shopping. Arkansas rode hard into third, thanks to a healthy workout of bedroom gymnastics and dirty online curiosity.

The hoarding hobbies in those states? Virtual sex, group sex, swinging, and a healthy dose of good old-fashioned amorous outdoor action to satisfy that taboo witch of potentially getting caught bed-handed. Rounding out the top ten positions are Vermont, North Dakota, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Washington, Rhode Island, and Alaska. The explicit report revealed the Alaskans turned to role-playing an S&M to help melt the ice. Yeah, it's kind of all the faraway places. Pretty much, yeah. And don't let the nickname fool you.

Despite being called the Lone Star State, them Texans love a good crowd, they ranked high for orgies more so than the rest of the country. They'll drag you right into it. As they're very inviting, southern hospitality. As for Minnesotans, we finished 14th kinkiest, coming before, Wisconsin, 39th, South Dakota, 31st, but Iowa comes before us. The Iwo-Egians. They finished 13th on the list of kinkiest states.

A lot of corn cobs involved and whatnot. Oh, yeah, I forget about that. I'm probably doing it in cornfields. Another pulsating recent study conducted by Bloom Stories in Erotica Audio Hub revealed 47% of Americans have done the no-pants dance at work on company time. 47%. I was surprised the numbers that high. Yeah, that is somewhat surprising.

Finally, here's a little bone, us trivia. Viagra, when dissolved in water, can make cut flowers stay erect for up to a week longer than they usually would. I bet that be an expensive way to keep. I guess I don't know what Viagra cost, but I'd imagine it's not cheap. It's got to be expensive. Probably. Viagra? I have no idea the cost of such a thing.

One day I'm sure I'll find out, but. Yeah, I might be there. Currently, I have no idea. Sooner than later. What the hell is it? Someone text us. How much for a bucket of that Viagra? Can you get that?

Would insurance cover something like that? Well, I know it's got to be prescription, but I don't know if it. Oh, it is? I thought so. I don't think you can buy it off the shelf. I suppose that probably is smart. I don't have a frigging clue. An argument at a Pennsylvania Walmart self-checkout lane took a terrifying turn

when a shopper pulled a gun and unleashed a barrage of gunfire at another customer. in a display of marksmanship, reminiscent of a Star Wars Stormtrooper, the wildly inaccurate aggressor fired upon upward of 10 times during the argument and missed the man he was trying to hit with every single shot. Nine rounds went completely wild, and while the 10th bullet missed its mark two, it did strike an innocent bystander who had nothing to do with the fight. According to police, the gunman was arguing with another man around 7.30 p.m. Friday

when he suddenly pulled out a pistol and fired 10 rounds at the shopper. A female employee, unfortunately, caught one in the calf. I could see something ricocheted to the floor and then it flash. So I'm assuming that was the bullet. The prey I prayed before I went outside today was a good one. And I didn't even know I can run like this. Yeah, she found something out about herself. I am a terrific runner.

Yeah, I'm really good when bullets are flying. Investigators are currently reviewing surveillance video from both inside and outside the store. And they're also analyzing the suspect. purchase history to see if they can figure out who he is. Cubby. What? A couple people have texted in on the cost of Viagra. One of them says five bills. Bills isn't, doesn't factor in at all.

Five pills for 50 bucks. Oh, wow. That's expensive. Yeah, that's probably about what I imagined. But then again, others are saying there are other routes you can take where it's a little cheaper than that. Yeah, it's good stuff at the gas station bathroom for 75 cents. Horny goat weed or something? I suppose, though, if you're in the mood, 10 bucks would be nothing.

No kidding. People spend a lot more money because they were horny than $10. 10 bucks right now, just for your benefit, I'm not in the mood. But yeah, I suppose you get there and you'll be whatever. I don't care what it costs. We've got to do something about this. In Arizona man, showing off a gun, he was trying to sell at a yard sale, wound up shooting a person in their colon and another in the hand.

and leg. Somebody got shot in the colon. And penis. That's usually not great. I bet that would hurt. The unsettling scene unfolded in the community of Green Valley at a yard sale hosted by a friend of Clarence Botaford, a man whose name is dangerously close to robocop villain Clarence Boddicker, but less fiction and more foolish in this story.

Clarence Boddker. A crew of landscapers working next door walked over to ask if any firearms were up for sale. Badaford gladly obliged. He retrieved a gun from his call. dumped the ammunition and told the group the firearm was empty. A fact one victim experienced firsthand, second leg, and third right in the wiener. After the group passed the weapon around, it ended up back in Clarence's hands. That's when, for reasons known only to him, he reloaded it.

While Badaford was handling the weapon at discharge and struck two victims, Clarence then fled the scene with a remarkable combination of bravery and accountability, but the fallout was brutal. Victim 1 suffered a substantial wound when a bullet blasted through his right hand, tore through his tallywacker, threaded through his thigh, a thigh, that is, and made a hasty retreat leaving through his leg.

And bullet shrapnel lodged directly into the colon of victim number two. Like it hit him right in the dirt button? Yeah, right where the poop is. No kidding. Both men were rushed to a local hospital for treatment. Police later noted a key detail in Clarence's case.

as a convicted felon, he wasn't supposed to have any firearms in the first place. I still, I just can't get over the fact that someone got hit square in the A-hole. Yeah. I mean, that was more of a ricochet, it sounds like. Must have been just terrible. Boink, bow. I'm not even mentioning the guy who took it in the Johnson, for whatever reason, I'm not even paying any attention to him.

Well, the colon is more unique. We've heard so many stories about the Johnson. Yeah, you're right. A lot of bullets do tear up tallywackers, but that's the first where you got hit right in the star. A Nebraska man's attempt at teaching a lesson in firearm safety came complete with a painfully high price tag. And a rapid fire pop quiz, he unfortunately failed. Police say the 21-year-old accidentally shot himself while filming an instructional video meant to demonstrate how to properly use the 9-millimeter pistol he had just purchased.

The blunder occurred around 1.10 p.m. Tuesday in the parking lot of a Shields Sporting Good store in Lincoln. That's where a planned pistol presentation turned into an unplanned presentation of a bullet to the instructor. I looked over and the two doors on the left side of the car were open and there was a big pile of blood beside the driver's car door. So I figured I didn't know what happened, but it didn't look like it was very good. The man's how to properly use your new 9mm tutorial quickly became a harder and lesson in how to narrowly survive an embarrassing mishap. According to police, the young man had purchased the handgun from the store earlier that same day. While his girlfriend recorded the video, he was showing off his skills, racking the pistol. I mean, for who? For his social media?

For like his YouTube channel? Uh-huh. And the firearm unexpectedly discharged, sending lead through his leg. The shields pop struck an artery turning the instructional session into an emergency response situation. You got to get somebody on that. Fortunately, police arrived in time and he was taken away in stable condition. responders applied a tourniquet at the scene and saved his life. F me.

Yeah, I survived, but now I'm pretty embarrassed and I kind of wish I did it. You've got to post that video, though, don't you? Nope, that's where I kill my YouTube page right there. Yep, I'm done. I'm moving on. I never, ever return again. I'm getting another gig. A 13-year-old boy turned to some afternoon archery near Seattle last week,

but unfortunately the target practice, including sheriff's deputies, police officers, officers and even a police drone. Deputies were called to a home at 2.25 p.m. Wednesday after the boy's father made a disturbing call for help. The dad told authorities his 13-year-old son was, quote, out of control, using an axe to redecorate the inside of the home and threatening to crack open the family safe and retrieve a gun. When cops and officers, when deputies and officers reached the scene, they wisely kept their distance and tried negotiating with the boy, whom they believed, was armed with an axe. Then the situation took a sharp turn quite literally.

As officers and deputies continued trying to talk him into surrendering, the boy exited the home ready for medieval combat. He'd upgraded his arsenal to a bow and some arrows, taking aim at officers. This kid was looking to get killed. The family fled the home from the bow-wielding boy, but police didn't quiver. The negotiations continued as the teenage archer demonstrated a serious lack of elf control, opting for action over conversation. He fired multiple arrows

toward the officers and deputies before setting his sights and a police drone hovering overhead. After several more minutes of tense negotiations with the pint-sized bowman, police got the point. They needed a new tactic. An officer and a deputy

deployed less lethal munitions striking their target. How's dad doing? Dad's a little stressed. Dad's a little embarrassed. He's not doing good. Good Lord. Not necessarily a physical.

fairy tale ending, but thankfully no one was hurt. The boy surrendered and was taken into custody with minor injuries. Yeah, luckily, I mean, shoot, that could have been pretty bad, as you mentioned. And dad's sitting there going, this is what I got, huh? This is my kid. You know, he takes after his mom more than me. He's probably got none of my DNA in there. During Friday's breast, God, I don't know why I said breast, sorry.

Chicken breast. I wrote breast. There are chicken breast there. Bro stout cancer. At the Legion. Word. I met an impressive young Robin Hood in the Brotherhood. A badass, talented young Archer.

Only 11 years old. And that's kind of his hobby. That's what he's up to. That's really awesome. That was a proud dad I was sitting next to. Oh, I bet. Yeah, very cool. Coolest kid around.

By the way, he's not allowed to swear, right? So, you know, when you do a, you spin it around in a parking, not in your vehicle, right? You know what that's called? Sure. He calls him poopies. So from now on, I'm going to be whipping poopies instead of the other. NASCAR Hall of Famer, Jeff Gordon 55. Oh, my God. He's third on the all-time list for most strikeouts behind Nolan Ryan and Randy Johnson.

Former pitcher Roger Clemens, who sired Cody Clemens of the Minnesota Twins, don't you know? 64 today. And do you watch Landman? Yeah, dude. Heck you? I never saw it. I never saw it. If not, you should.

Is this something that you're dialed into? Wonderful show. Landman star Billy Bob Thornton is 71. One of my favorite shows on TV right now. Hot Mom Sheezis reached out via the Luther Key of Bloomington text line with a shout-out to the St. Anthony Fire Department for staffing a giant slip-and-slide event at the St. Anthony Village Fest over the weekend. Oh, hell yeah.

Including they had a huge half-ass morning show tarp. It took up like half the hill. It was gigantic. Sweet. Did we give permission for, for show? something like that? I'm guessing somebody stole it from maybe one of our boats or maybe they made it. I don't know, but even so, I thought, hey, people got their butts on our name. That's pretty cool.

Well, I don't know. It sounds like a fun event. Expect some compensation for something like that. You're saying like if they charged per slide, we should get a cut of that maybe? I just don't like the idea of this shady crowd using our name to Hey, I thought it was pretty cool. Thank you, Hot Mom Sheez-Sys for

letting us know and for the photo. And happy 10th birthday to Tempe. That's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. Oh, here's Randy Shaver. Good morning, good morning, good morning. Primed for our Tuesday program.

Skee Willie Miles has also sauntered his way into the building. Sondered. I don't know what that looked like, but I did it. Well, you have this very confident, slow stroll. Swag. Swag. Swag is what you got. That's for sure.

Maybe a dorkier version of swag is saunter. Okay. If you're able, I want you go ahead and rise and remove your caps for our national anthem as performed last weekend at the very first ever

women's professional baseball game. Oh, say, can you see by Patonters? light was so proud at the twine eyes less leaning whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous hive or the rappers we watched were so gallantly Oh, they're not done yet. Oh, boy. Big finish now.

Oh, the land. Stop shaking those women while they were singing the song. Yeah, it sounded like they were on, you know, those old machines that you put like a rubber band around your back. An exercise machine. Yeah, Pee Wee Herman had one of those back in the day. Yeah, that really happened. That was last weekend. Again, at the very first ever women's professional baseball game.

Kind of sucks. That's what's making the news about. Hell of a way to kick things off. You know, I did see a couple of articles said. That said, unfortunately. It was a great baseball game and a great way to start off women's professional baseball. Unfortunately, like Josh said, everyone's talking about the national anthem. They're sung by Martha Reeves.

Who was known for, was it Martha and the Vandellas? Vandellas. Vandellas. Dancing in the street back in the 60s. I feel bad for this lady and her backup singers. She's 85 years old. Well, the backup singers sound pretty good. Yeah, they did.

I'm thinking lead vocals was... I don't... I think she sounded like she wanted to say, I want to do this solo. Now, this is funny. Someone texted in to say, Edith Stifle. Right.

She did sound quite a bit like Edith Bunker. Literally, I thought that's who it was. I feel bad for Martha Reeves, because if you read any of her comments afterwards, I mean, she feels terrible about it. She feels terrible about overshadowing the baseball game because she was very excited about this historic thing. The truth was they say that their monitors were all wacky.

They couldn't hear themselves. There was a lot of wind and whatnot kind of interfering with. So it turned out to be a total nightmare. I can tell you from experience and working on stages. If you're a monitor, and it bugs me if I don't have a stage monitor, if I can't hear myself, because everything goes out to you. you, but if I can't hear me, I don't know if I'm yelling,

I don't know if I'm talking loud enough. Right. You know, it's hard on your voice, too. It's like that with headphones, even just when we're here. Exactly. If it's too quiet, you have no idea what it's sounding like. So, the articles that I read, and people are getting a big kick out of this,

Josh said that everyone's talking about this National Anthem from last weekend. Some of the articles that I read the headline, the National Anthem at the first ever women's pro basketball baseball baseball game, can't be explained with mere words. Yeah, you just got to experience it. It's been drawing all the attention online. Martha Reeves, 85. But I guess on the other hand, if it wasn't for this national anthem,

I'm not sure I would have heard about the first ever women's professional baseball game. Well, we did talk about it last week. Real quick, we did mention it. Got to stay focused, D. Yeah, you might like it. So who were the others people? were saying blackety blank is off the hook now oh like rosan bar or who carl lewis carl lewis for the round we watch whistle gas streaming i mean not bad so far and the rocket is oh oh oh no ah man just when you think you

can get there and then you'd be like now we can't get there if you couldn't get there at home you're going to get there on the field. You know what I mean? You got to work that out. See, Willie's right, though. If you cannot hear yourself at all. It is, it's hard. Impossible. It is very hard. You end up sounding totally unlike yourself. Well, you had mentioned a while ago, you know, the headphones were so bad around here, you found yourself yelling, or the microphones, I should say, because it's tough to hear. Yeah, we experience issues like at around here all the time. I mean, many years ago, I was wandering around the Minnesota State Fair, and I walked past

the KQ booth, and they were broadcasting live from KQ's little cabin up there. I think most of you know where the spot is. I couldn't tell you the cross streets or anything. But our old boss at the time, Josh and I just talked about this guy not too long ago, our old boss where Josh and I were the only guys in the building that could stand the sum bitch. he waves me over and he wanted me to go on live with the KQ people who were brought maybe because they could use a, you know, a little boost. So I jumped on, they put a set of, what do you call these things, Josh?

They put a set of headphones on me, putting me in front of a mic, and suddenly I was just jawjacking with the KQ people. Obviously, we're familiar with them. We're in the same building. But I could not hear myself at all. And there was no fixing it live. And I listened back to the conversation. I sounded like a completely different person.

I wouldn't have even recognized my own voice because I could not hear anything. So I can relate a little bit to poor Martha Reeves who was just trying to sing our country's national anthem at a special event. Yeah, but I think you was set up. Could have been. Boy, I never even thought of that.

All right, Randy Schaber, we're going to go again with the twins and royals and it's going to be Joe Ryan versus the Pimp once again tonight. The Pimp. Randy Dobnack, C. Willie Miles, otherwise known as the Pimp. Straight on. Same pitching matchup last week here in town where the Pimp was almost untouchable.

This time they're playing in Missouri. It's game one of three. 640 tonight. I believe most of us can find tonight's game on television or streaming or something. It's officially a pennant chase now. It's time. It's a chase. It is.

Yeah. Yesterday, Twins made one more move. Yes. Now, if you're just coming to, Ryan Jeffers and Trevor Larnick are still on the roster. And so is Joe Ryan. And so is Joe Ryan. They made a move dealing a couple of minor leaguers to Toronto for a closer by the name of Jeff Hoffman. Now, he was a twin for an hour and a half a few years ago.

But maybe most of the years will be familiar with him from last year's playoff run by the Toronto Blue Jays all the way to the World Series. And, of course, we can thank Louis Varland for giving us the. opportunity to have Hoffman returned because Varlane replaced Hoffman as the closer for Toronto after the trade. Right. So Jeff Hoffman became available and he's had a really good year and he's under, I think, he's under contract for next year as well. So they're going to get him for like a year and a half.

He certainly solidifies the closer role for the twins. and you throw A.J. Mentor in with Hoffman, and it gives you a couple of veteran relievers that you can mix in in the seventh, eighth, and ninth inning. So it's a nice move by the twins. You add Dean Kremmer as a potential starter in the rotation, and they have fortified, at least to their ability, their pitching staff to this point. They didn't make the blockbuster trades that a lot of teams made,

but they made enough, I think, to give them a fighting chance. Heated pitching, they went out and got it. Am I correct when I read this? Jeff Hoffman had 59 saves last year? Is that for real? I don't have that in front of me. I don't know. It might be.

How's he doing this year? They say he's striking people out at a very high rate. Yeah, 14.1 strikeouts per nine innings? Yeah, he's been crazy good striking people. ERA around, what is it, 394, okay, we can probably live that. 59 saves last year. That sounds insane to me. So there you go. I don't know. Oh, that's okay. That's okay. I got it right here in front of me unless someone's, you know, I got this from ESPN or something. So, all in all, they needed pitching and they went in order. I think I

have this in order. Tommy Nance, that was about a month ago. Yep. A.J. Minter, Dean Kremmer, and now Jeff Hoffman. Jeffers never went to the Yankees. Larnick never went to the Astros. We're all set. We're all set. Yep, yep. And if they can get Bugston back,

and of course he's on the IL right now, but if they can get Buck back, that would help a lot. The hope here is that they can stay close until they can get completely healthy. They're a game back of Cleveland for the wildcard, right now. So you know what? You've got to give them credit. I mean, it's hard to do right now. Of course it is. What happened a year ago. But it feels like and it seems like they've gone a

different direction this year. Oh, it certainly, it doesn't feel like anything. They have gone in a different direction. There's no kidding around about that. So now hopefully the team can do their job on a field. All right, John. Keep them in the race until we get to September and we'll see what happens. Okay, here it is. Jeff Hoffman had 15. I'm forgetting about all these new stats that baseball throws our way every year.

They throw in some new analytical stat that Jeff Hoffman had 59 games finished last year, 33 saves. Even 33 is a lot. It is. I thought to myself, 15. That's crazy. All right, Josh. What would you prefer to listen to again? Martha Reeves singing the national anthem from last weekend's professional baseball game, women's professional baseball game.

John Gruden singing, happy birthday or Ozzy Osbourne singing Take Me Out to the Ball Game, which would you? Oh, Ozzy. I'll listen to anything Ozzy does. Ozzy's so funny when he does. People are wondering which you would choose. To listen to? Yeah. Yeah, I would listen to Oz. Ozzy was so great. But this one is fine. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. I just like that he's the first guy that has never heard the happy birthday celebration. Exactly. That's amazing. How were he in? The man was in his 50s and he didn't know how to sing happy birthday?

Wow. I mean, you grow up your whole life singing that. You do. Well, most people do. Obviously not to his kids. Oh, man. What is this? Oh, the Philadelphia Phillies, they were the club that went out and landed Luis Arise from the San Francisco Giants.

Then they turned their entire team upside down. Did you hear what they're going to do now? No, go ahead. I didn't hear this. So the Phillies, Arise was playing second base for the Giants and having obviously a great year at the plate and a comfortable at second base. Well, the Phillies don't have necessarily a spot. So here's what they're proposing now. Their second baseman, Bryce and Stott, will move to third base.

Their third baseman, Alex Bohm, will move to first base. And Bryce Harper will move to the outfield where he hasn't played in four years to allow Louisa Rise to play second base. That's a lot. That's a lot of moving pieces. That's a lot of moving pieces. They may have weakened their defense by trading third. for Arise. They've certainly helped their offense. They're going to get some base hits out of the deal.

Yeah, he's going to help them offensively. Moving some boys around. Yeah, that's craziness. Luis Arise is now working for his fifth different ball club in the last five years. He is currently hitting 324, which is tops in the National League, and second in the majors. I was unaware of his nickname. Do you guys know Luis Arise's nickname? I don't know.

They call him La Regadera. Which is Spanish for the sprinkler. Oh, he sprinkles the hits. Everywhere. Gotcha. Anyone else got any cute ideas on the text machine as to who we could nickname the sprinkler? No, that's cool. The text machine's down.

Oh, no. It's not working? That's too bad. The text machine is down. Save your time. No one can send in their jokes now and who they might. It's down, isn't it? Yeah, it's not working.

God, help us. What poor timing. Who is this now? Oh, someone, people are texting in on more terrible national anthems that we've heard over the years. They mentioned someone called Fergie. Who was that again? Oh, from the Black I P's? Oh, is that the band?

I'm sorry. Is that the correct? Another listener says there was a drunk musician from a couple of years ago who checked into rehab right after a disastrous national anthem. I don't know who that is. drunk musician had a terrible national anthem. He checked immediately into rehab. God, I wish I knew the name there. Sounds fun to me.

The rest of these baseball trades that might grab you, I don't know. Boston Red Sox made a trade for an all-star catcher, Adley Rushman from the Baltimore Orioles. Although he's been injured a lot. The Chicago Cubs went ahead and got a right-handed pitcher by the name of Clay Holmes from the New York Mets. I know who Clay Holmes is.

He's a terrific. Big giant sum bitch. The Cubs actually traded for four pitchers. Oh. Actually, five pitch. No, I'm sorry, four. Clay Holmes, Kevin Gousman, Braxton, Garrett, and Ryan Zephard John.

Zephard John. Out of the Angels. So they have completely changed their rotation and some of their relief positions to make a run. All right. Pretty impressive. The Cubs, you still live? love that you want to see the Cubs do well.

It's one of the few things that I, that aggravates me about you, Randy Shabber. You're a Cubs fan. I grew up a Cubs fan. I know. You had, you had problems. Frickin Iow. Honey Santo, Bill Williams, Glenn Beckard. All dead. Bums, all of them. And they're all dead. See Willie Miles said.

Bertie Jenkins. Listeners are telling me, I've never heard of this name before, listeners are telling me there was a singer named Ingrid Andress, who sang the National Anthem and it wasn't good, and she went into rehab. He or she went into rehab. Okay, I'll go along with it. I don't know who that is.

You guys? It's familiar to the chick. Hmm? There's like a Disney. Are they thinking of, maybe it's a different person? I was thinking, is it Indian Menzel? I don't know. I don't freaking know.

Speaking of the Cubs. How do you spell that? Let me look her out. Ingrid. Ingrid. And dress. Oh, yeah. She rests at the end.

Yeah. Look familiar? No. All right, forget it. I know who you're thinking of. Yeah, it's a totally different person. She's beautiful. Ingrid Andres, also beautiful.

A country pop singer. Oh, no. She's saying... That's my favorite. Ladylike was her debut single. All right. I missed it. I try.

I try to avoid the pop country as much as possible. I do. Speaking to the Cubs, Pete Crow Armstrong, Terrific All-Star Outfielders, scrawny little prick. Pete Crowe Armstrong. Oh, cool. He recently jumped on a podcast with Jay Cutler's ex-wife. Kristen Cavalari?

Is that how you say? Cavalary. How do you leave Jay Cutler? That's what I want to know. How do you walk away from that? Especially post-football, Jay Cutler. He's the greatest. What the hell must have been going on there

that you walk away from Jay Cutler? A lot. Well, Jay Cutler's ex-wife has a podcast, but who doesn't? So Pete Crowe Armstrong is on the Jay Cutler's ex-wife podcast, and he was asked to share an unpopular opinion that he has heard of or that he personally has. An unpopular opinion. This is like a hip thing, right, that young people go back and forth with the, isn't there like, what do you say to start it off? Do you say unpopular opinion? Something like that.

You say something like, or hot take, hot take. Anyway. So Pete Crowe Armstrong said an unpopular opinion that he's heard. He heard this from, he says, some pitcher with the Mariners. He doesn't want to name the guy. This pitcher from the Mariners was going down a rabbit hole about how Babe Ruth never existed. Okay, what's an unpopular opinion that you have? Like any conspiracy theory stuff?

This is going to be crazy. Babe Ruth never existed is one that I love. Oh, my God. I heard some pitcher with the Mariners going down the rabbit hole with somebody about how Babe Ruth never existed. I was like, dude, that's awesome. Wow. So you're going to double down right now? No, it's like we always talk about how like the game's evolving and people might as well have been like underhanding the ball to that guy.

And he's regarded. and still it was one of the best players ever, and you might as well dive further into it and be like, well, maybe he just never existed. I love it. So what do you think, Randy Schaber? Was Babe Ruth Real? Of course he was.

I've seen all the videos of him in that, what's that machine call they used to sit in? It was like a dryer with his head sticking out. Have you seen that old black and white video? No. Oh, like some kind of body modification thing? Yeah. It didn't work.

No. He was kind of chunky. A man was shaped like a pair. Yeah. Of course he existed. Yeah, he did. Well, but I mean, what if all the videos that we've been showing? What if they were... No, stop. What if...

AI? The government put them together. Oh, the same people that put the moon landing videos together? Yeah. All of that. All right. Stop. I never considered the fact that Babe Ruth might have never existed. I never considered that idea. Really?

No. Had you thought about this, C. Willey? God, no. I feel like a fool. I got better things. He's got a career. Oh, I guess maybe the Mariners pitcher was named here in the article. Yeah, he does name. Taylor Saucito?

Okay. This. Randy. Yeah, that tracks. Yeah, that tracks. Well, you know the guy? I've heard of him. He's, yeah, forget it.

He has been saying that there aren't many videos of Babe Ruth playing baseball. So maybe he wasn't real. Maybe it was just a story. He played in 1927. Yeah, come on. A lot of video. I don't have a lot of photos of my mom. She was born in 21. Right. Right? Right. I have like four pictures of my dad. Right. I mean, come on. I have zero video.

You only got a few pictures of the old man, huh? Well, I only have, honest to God, Nick, I, you know what? I have one picture when I was older. One picture of my dad and myself. One. And it's like two inches by three inches. That's the picture I have. You and I are together on that.

I have one picture of me and my brother and my dad standing together. And I have one photo of my dad, like sitting on a car when he was back in his heyday. Ooh, I'd like to see that. When Papa was a Rolling Stonewall. Oh. Oh, you know, the only, wherever he put his hat was his home. Yes, or whatever. And that's that old...

Got a couple of sisters and brothers out there. I love that old song by the Temptations. Yeah. Papa was a rolling stone. Wherever he laid his hat was his home. And what was the next line? Oh, and when he died, all he left us was alone. The temptations.

The people said alone like money? No, L-O-N-A-N. Oh, L-O-A-N. Alone. Alone. L-O-N-E. Alone. All right.

So maybe Babe Ruth never existed. Well, his name was George Herman. He has to exist. You don't. That was his real name. Now, what was interesting, if you listened further to this Pete Crowe Armstrong on Jay Cutler's ex-wife's podcast, it sounded more like he wanted to question Ruth's greatness more than questioning his existence. Sure.

Talk about how, you know, he said, we talk about how the game has evolved. What were guys just on? underhanding the ball to Babe Ruth. So I've heard this argument before where maybe Babe Ruth was aided by poor competition. Well, I mean, they went throwing the heater back then. That's not Babe Ruth's fault. Right. I mean, come on.

I know. I'm just. That was back in the day when they really literally used to knock the cover off the ball. They did. They did. That term came from. I mean, but yeah, I mean, well, nobody throwing a 105 mile hour fastball. Right.

There's no Mizoroskies in 1920. Right. I just love this garbage. I love to discuss the totally insane conspiracies. Did you ever hear? I like some of those too. Yeah, it's fun. Did you ever hear what J.J. Reddick had to say about Bob Coosie, Randy Shaver?

I think you played this or we talked about this at one time. I don't remember ever bringing this up, but J.J. Reddick, what is he? Is he the coach of the Lakers still? Yeah, he's the head coach of the Lakers. He questioned Bob Coozy, of course, all-time great Boston Celtic. Right. Right. He questioned Bob Coosie's greatness because Bob back in his day was playing against, quote, plumbers and firemen.

Yeah. Not real athletes like. Well, that's why JJ Redick didn't last in the lead that. He was playing against real basketball players. Yeah, that's why JJ Redick wasn't around too long. Right. So, bro. You play against who you play against.

That's. There you go. There you go. Now we've started a whole thing. It's kind of what I have. People are texting, and what about Wilts Chamberlain? His competition was ass. He went against Bill Russell.

He went against Bill Russell. Well, if it was asked, you could have played. You didn't. I think it's fair. I mean, he played against Chibar. Oh, yeah. Well, Cyn. These are great.

Well, Miken played against Cousie, I'm assuming. Yeah. But, I mean, these are a great basketball player in their day. Yeah. Yeah. To compare. Where 1914 to today is silly,

but folks have fun with it. We're just having fun with it. No, I want to fight. Get up. Poo-poo's and peepies, Jesus. That's the hard part. Oh, get a lot of creaking and... If I could get up, buddy, you're going to be in trouble.

Give me a minute. If I could get on my frigging feet, you would be in deep, deep... And loosen up, boy. If you got 45, 50 minutes of wait to get me loose enough and get my coffee down in me and a muffin. That's hilarious. I saw at the Brostal Cancer event last Friday. I saw that in person.

We took a big picture towards the end. And there were a couple guys that were on their knees in front that had to be lifted up. Get down, but I'm going to need some help getting up. By the way, see, I brought this up yesterday. You killed it on Friday. That was hilarious. Everything you did was so awesome. Oh, thanks, man.

Got in the crowd involved and everybody was pumped. You were born for it. You're a natural. I wish we could have had a miced-up segment because your commentary when we were on the line was cracking us up, especially when you're going after Dr. P. Right. Dr. P. That's my dude, man, but bruh, you struggles. You got struggles.

But I can't take full credit. I got to give it to Jen. She came and whispered in my ear that Nick was leaving the premises. So I had to step it up. Well, we thank you for everything from Friday night. You knocked it out of the park. Yeah, you did. I appreciate it, man.

As always. I absolutely enjoy being around events like that. Your improv is people get jealous of. That's my career. And if he gets so good. And if the old son bitch could get to his feet, You would be in deep trouble. Right.

It's like that old joke about the old couple where the wife says, you want to go upstairs and F, and the old man says, I don't know if I can do both. Right. Pick one. Yeah, thanks for that. I mean, that was so much entertainment. I did.

I had a blast. And, yeah, Dr. P. I mean, I hope he didn't take any of that person. I was just joking with him. It's an easy target. Yeah, he really is, isn't he? Mm-hmm. The man was using two hands for a tongue.

Come on, Dr. Pete. You got to call him up for that. You're a doctor, man. Yeah, but you're throwing out some funny stuff just to make him a little embarrassed. Here's a doctor who's terrible with his hands. Yeah, he said, what? How many? Do you want two breasts?

Like, bruh, you're going to catch a case. I got two breasts here. I'm holding on. How would you like to play a little on this date in the? history. August 4th, 19 and 83. During a game in Toronto,

during a game in Ontario, Canada. Is this where the bird gets killed? Savor. New York Yankees outfielder Dave Winfield accidentally killed a seagull with a thrown baseball.

That's right. I forgot we've had two bird incidents in baseball that are well-known. Dave Winfield was trying to chuck the ball back into the infield. And he hit a bird, a seagull, after the game Toronto police arrested Dave for causing unnecessary suffering to an animal. And the charges were dropped the next day. It had to be done. Somebody overreacted there a little bit.

We have to send a message. Oh, that's funny. Dave Winfield, one of my all-time favorites. Guy was a stud. All right, how about that gym penis? I'm sorry. And no, I'm not talking about a man with the most unfortunate name in human history. Truly is.

This is a, you know, not that long ago, we were talking about our workout habits or lack thereof here on the program. This is a supposed legitimate medical condition, gym penis. Have you heard of it, Randy Shaver? You're a worker-outer guy. I have not. But you work out at home, like you say, you don't go to a gym. I don't. Maybe if you went to a gym.

Do you go to a gym? Yes. And the boys in the locker room haven't talked it all about Jim penis? No, we don't talk about penis at all. My gym. You guys haven't run on a conversation? No. How's your penis doing, pal?

Jim penis? You got one of them? Well, I've been in those locker rooms before. It's kind of surprising that dong doesn't become the subject of conversation because everyone's walking around de-swinging. The old guys love being naked in the gym. They do. They always have from day one. True.

It's a gym, gym. Just like the locker room, not just walking. Nobody's doing power clean. You're right. You know, arm curls. Yeah, that's a gym I wouldn't want to go. Right, right. So maybe some of you weightlifters and whatnot who hang out at the gym all day long,

maybe you are aware of this. This was new information for me. Jim penis is a temporary reduction in the size of the dong and the scrote bag during or immediately after an intense workout. Now, if you have this problem, I'm here to comfort you and tell you this is totally normal, according to what I'm reading this morning. It's an automatic physiological response. It's not a problem, a medical issue, really.

I guess maybe I shouldn't have. If I called it a medical issue earlier, I'm wrong. That's not what it is. It's just an automatic physiological response. when you exercise your body triggers a fight or flight response. So to support your muscles, your body redirects blood, blood. Mm-hmm. Away from non-essential organs, one of them is your tallywacker.

Which you shouldn't need at the gym. Shouldn't need it. Don't even bring. Why you bring it? Leave it at home. Imagine getting a boner on the treadmill. That would just be very uncomfortable for everybody. Or at a North Star game while sitting one row behind an 11-year-old.

Whoa! That happened to me in the early 80s. He almost took it. He almost hit me right in the eye. A man in sweatpants had a hard on during the North Stars game. I don't know why, but... It was an empty netter. Did you hate empty netters back then?

I did. Even as a kid. Young man. It's disrespectful. So, anyway, this is a thing. but don't be concerned. They say you can combat Jim penis by drinking plenty of water

before and after workouts. Naturally, your rod and bag will return to normal size within 15 to 30 minutes after your heart rate cools down after a workout. Jim penis. But I suppose if you carry it around for weeks or something, then you maybe want to go see your doctor.

I mean, I have to see. a lot of blood. I don't have that issue. No Jim penis? No. So my blood flow must be really slick. But it makes sense. I mean, when you're all that terrible weightlifting and all that stuff. I don't understand why people do that. But you mean, your body is your body's afraid. Your body's wondering what's happening. So it protects.

It's most vital. It's like you're not using that anyway right now. So I'm going to take all the energy from there. Put it over here so you don't die. And you're doing roids and you got creatine and you got all this stuff you're drinking in between lips like buddy i'm trying to save your life ah man for cripes sake you know the worst part of living in a town that can't seem to hold down a decent starting quarterback since fran tarkandin retired the worst part about it is this the quarterback controversy conversation never ends even now as stupid training camp begins there's going to be a daily conversation on Kyler Murrah did this.

And then they'll talk about how the totally unproven and injury prone, J.J. McCarthy did that. And don't text us and say, well, if you hate it so much, why talk about it? We have to. Let's be real about it. There are two reasons why we have to talk about it. Number one, there are people out there who live for this crap. And number two, it's a three and a half hour show. So here's what I got.

Baker Mayfield is unhappy as the starting quarterback. in Tampa Bay. So there has already been an article or two written about where he'll be playing football next season, and the Vikings are on the top of that list. What do you think about all that crap? I think we should just worry about what's going to happen right now. All right. Kyler Murray is going to be the starting quarterback. You know, you can talk about some sort of a, you know, battle, quarterback battle. There really isn't a quarterback battle.

No. They're not paying. No. Kyler Murray is going to be the guy to start the season. Then we'll see what happens from there. Here's what I read yesterday also. The Vikings held their first padded practice of training camp, and it didn't go well for either Kyler Murrah

or the totally unproven and injury problem. J.J. McCarthy. First practice did not go well for either one of them. Well, maybe that's a good sign for the defense. Maybe the defense is playing at a higher level right now. Higher level. But the Baker-Mafield thing makes sense, though, because there's nothing more Vikings tradition

like than taking some other teams retread quarterback and trying to force them in there. Oh, give us one example. Give us one. Well, one of them worked out. One of them worked well. For a year. Randall Cunningham.

Yeah, yeah. So yeah, Baker Mayfield doesn't feel like he's being paid what he's owed. He feels undervalued in the most realistic landing spots for Baker Mayfield are the Falcons and the Browns and the Jets. in the writing. He's looking for a big, big paycheck, though. Well, one of the things that's going to happen in 2027 is that that draft is completely loaded with star quarterbacks, from Peyton Manning's nephew to all sorts of great players.

So everybody's, the 2027 draft is what everybody's been talking about when it comes to quarterback play, receiver play. So there may be some teams that will posture and say they want this or that, but I think a lot of teams will be pointing towards that draft and finding their franchise quarterback next year. Dana says all the Vikings do is grab these tired old some bitches and drag them into the mix to see if they'll work here. What in the name of Warren Moon are you talking about? What in the name of Brent Farr? Donovan McNap.

What was that Bradford kid? What in the name of Sam Bradford are you talking about? What in the living hell? What in the Josh Freeman do you think you are? Man. I just jumped on a Wikipedia page called List of Minnesota Vikings starting quarterbacks. It's not as long as say the Browns have to offer.

You're talking about in the last five years? It just, no, no, it's everyone that ever suited up at starting quarterback in the history of the ball club. You're right about the Browns, though. I do like seeing those guys at training camp or at events where they have a jersey, and it just has a whole, like, basically a cape of all the last names of, like, 30 quarterbacks they've had in the last 10, 15 years. Yeah, that's fun. But their list in the last 15 years is insane. Yeah.

Cleveland's. Oh, Cleveland, yeah. Yeah, they've had so many. Now, I didn't hate all of these guys. I really like some of them. As I'm looking through the Vikings, you know, I loved Randall Cunningham. My God, he was just terrific. I liked Warren Moon.

He was a little sloppy at that point in his career, but I like Warren Moon. I loved Jeff George. Jeff George was one of my favorite son of a bit. Gus Ferrat. Who am I missing in here? You mentioned the Freeman. We're talking just about like retread Sam Bradford. Jim McMahon?

Oh, yeah, Jim McMahon. Gosh, I forgot about that. Kirk Cousins, come on. Well, I don't like to say his name out loud on us. That guy was such a pain in the ass. You prefer a Kirkgo chains. Oh, just make me want to puke all over my show. That's what I call him.

He was here for six years. See, Willie Miles once said about Captain Death Rocks. All he does is win money. All he's ever won is money. Money, that's right. Josh and I a couple days ago. Best agent in the world. Yes, that's the MVP.

Uh-huh. That's right. I just want to knock him on his ass. Josh and I just a couple of days ago, we're talking about our past training camp adventures. This was cute. At the Pittsburgh Stillers training camp, grown people started fighting over autographs.

You know how they all line up at the rope and wait for the players? So embarrassing. Grown players, grown people are fighting over an autograph. And a player had to dive in and break them off. Oh, my God. That says all you need to know about that frigging training camp crap. That's such a loser behavior. The Vikings have changed it up, though,

They do it, and it's just for kids and it's at designated times. So they at least no longer have that grown men with five helmets trying to get signed so they can flip them on eBay immediately. Right. So what happened was, I guess, a couple of grown people are fighting over an autograph, and a little kid was getting crushed between these two grown bodies fighting. And a player by the name of Pat Friarmooth. That rings a bell. Do I know him? Yeah, tied in.

But did he grow up here or something? It doesn't matter. Pat Friermuth who was hanging around there he grabbed the kid scooped him up out of the chaos and saved him from being crushed to death

I guess I've never done that I can say I know I never I swear to God I've never been in a situation where I would desperate to get someone's autograph No I don't see you doing that

I've been gifted some autographs but I've never asked anybody for one myself. I used to chase autographs a lot as a kid, but I made hard rule with myself. I would never ask for anyone's autograph once I was older than the athletes. Yeah, good call. I wish some people listen to that more. Same with jerseys. It weirds me out sometimes.

That's me with jerseys too. I've never worn a jersey that didn't have my name on the back. Me neither. I've never worn a jersey. Boy, you've got a lot of last names. I've never worn a jersey that didn't have my name on the back of it. I honestly God,

I just, I didn't, I never figured that out. Like, I know you're not Justin Jefferson. Why would you put his name when you're bad? You're 5-7, dude. You're white. Like, we, it just, I just did. I didn't. It's crazy.

Speaking to Justin Jefferson, he was at SummerSlam and, um, hyped up the crowd in between matches at one point before the main event on Sunday. Oh, was he? Yeah. That's cool. He got up on the announcer's table, got in the, the mic got everybody fired up. Well, that's cute.

Did the Super Troopers guys get in there? Yeah, they did. They didn't get in the ring, but they were around. They were sitting kind of close to me, so I saw them and gave them a bunch of high fives and said what up to him. Good dudes. Did you get the autographed? I asked them for their cop shirt so I could wear it, you know, like a jersey. Well, then, can you remember what is the last autograph you sought after?

You said you decided not to chase them once you became older than the athlete. Yeah. And you've really followed that mantra? Oh, yeah, for sure. If that's the proper word? It has been one of the twins from back in the day, like a Doug Mankovych, E.J. Pritzinsky, Tori, Hunter, those types.

That was the last time I was hanging outside the Metrodome in high school, getting autographs. That was the last time I did it. Here's a listener who says, I will wear my Brock Faber jersey wherever I go. Why does that name ring a bell? Who is Brock Faber? Seriously.

I can't remember who he is. The wild. Oh, for Christ's sake. Are you serious? No, no, no. Randy, give me a break. I was thinking football. We were talking so much about football. I was trying to picture a football player named Brockford.

Sure, the hockey player. I mean, it's July. What the hell? I'm not thinking hockey right now. Hey, Josh, keep an eye on him. Are you concerned? I get locked in. I was thinking.

Locked in. I tried to fend my jersey wearing to my wife once because she gets on my case about it. And I said, well, you wear your Harrison Smith jersey? And she goes, yeah, on Sundays in the fall when the Vikings are playing, a game. I don't wear in the middle of July. Tusha. You and Kevin Smith do wear a lot of jerseys. We do, for sure.

There you friggin go. All right, Randy Shaver. You can go on to whatever activities. Bigger and better things? What do you do on Tuesdays at the home? What do I do? Yeah. Are there activities planned? I don't think so.

Well, basket weaving was yesterday. I'm not really quite sure what today is. Get some, Randy. Thanks for joining us. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating.

They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, Now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The U.S. Soccer Podcast.

I'm your host Megan Klingeberg. And after interviewing so many dudes during this men's World Cup, I'm so happy to be back with my U.S. women's national team players. I know the U.S. men's national team has changed how I think about myself, how I think about being an American, how I think about being on a team. It's one year out from that World Cup, and we're going to talk about the brightest prospects in U.S. soccer. You ready?

I'm ready. Let's do it. The U.S. Soccer podcast, presented by Henko. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93X Half-Ass Morning Show. Yes, you are wonderful people. Boom. All he is.

It is 828 right here on the 93X Half-Ass Morning Show. See Willie Miles is with us. Yes, sir. Yes. Hey, you guys mind if I shout out to my little grand nephew? Of course not. Go right ahead. Because he listens to the show.

He's probably not listening. He's probably out of the car now, but if you know him, William Winter. I call him William Wallace. He's a tough little kid. He listens to the show every morning on his way to school. William Winter. William Winter. Thanks for listening, William.

Yeah, thank you. You're the man. That is your grand nephew. Yes. Ashley just told me. Man, you are a Jurassic bag of bones at this point, aren't you? Hey, no, don't say that? because when I was telling him about it,

I was referring to the fact that I'm a great aunt as well. Well, but that's one of those funny things. That's like a, you know. It is. You never know how to say it, what they are. We've covered that. You don't necessarily have to be old to gain that title. True.

See Willie Miles, you gained that the old fashion way. You're old. I'm old. Yeah. Earned. I earned it. Not gained earned. Well, tell William.

Uncle Willie. Uncle Willie. Cute. That's a good kid. Tell him we said word up. Word up. You know, early. see Willie, we got to talking about all the finer things in life.

Beer, regular cigarettes, left-handed cigarettes, otherwise known as weed, dope, grass, gong, gleefe. We talked about chewing snuff, we talked about drinking hooch and on and on from there. And one of the side stories that came from that conversation was the cost of those nasty yet glorious habits. It gets more and more expensive every day to be a drunk or a pothead or even a a lung dart enthusiast more and more expensive every day.

Now, you are not a drinker. No. Did you ever try pot, cigarettes, or chewing tobacco? No. No, no, and no? No. None of them. No. No tobacco products. No liquor.

No wonder you were able to reach your old age now. Exactly. Yeah. Hell, you're going to live forever. Well, speaking of how some of us still hemorrhage money for our vices, it says here now, The average American spends $397 on summer activities every weekend.

That seems incredibly high. That's insane. What are you doing? Just stay inside. Does sound very high to me. 397. Now, that is just the stuff that you do, not your mortgage rent, car payments, utilities, none of that stuff. the things that you go ahead and do on the weekend.

If that includes your mortgage, you're living on the streets. Yeah. That's a good point. As they say up in Central Minnesota, that's expensive. S-P-E-N. Yeah, Spensive. C-I-V-E. My God, that's expensive.

390-7. Doesn't sound like any of us knowingly spend that much money on the weekend. The way everyone reacted. I mean, if I'm doing stuff Saturday and Sunday, I mean, at least like 200, I suppose. I mean, Josh is very good at keeping tabs on his money. You know where every dime is. I don't.

But still, I don't think, I don't think on average I spend $400 on a week. I can't imagine you do. I guess the harder I think about this, the more I realize that this is actually like a lot more attainable than I think it is. because that's just like going out to dinner with drinks two nights a weekend. Okay. Now, here's how that $397 breaks down. Dining out. They average that out around $61.

Well, that sounds cheap. Yeah. My goodness. Where are you going at the dollar store? Maybe if you're all by yourself and you do not have a drink. Yeah. You got to hook up with a bartender or something? I can see that if it's just you.

But, yeah, when you add the alcohol on there, which is separate, right? I mean, I think they broke that down. I don't know. Let me just throw it your way. They include dining out, which is restaurants, getting a coffee, going to a bar, hosting a gathering, attending a celebration where you have to bring a gift, like a wedding or a birthday. Entertainment, like going to a theater, going to a concert, going to a comedy show to C.C. Willie Mal.

A theme park. Then you got your outdoor activities like camping, boating, hiking, fishing. That's what people are texting in on gas for the boats. You're putting fuel on a boat. Okay, okay. I imagine that... Because dock prices are crazy, aren't they? Yes, I thought we were including gas money in these utilities that I mentioned earlier.

But if we're not sure, gas to get you somewhere is going to cost you quite a few bucks these days, as we all know. They include self-care and wellness, like getting yourself a haircut. Oh, they do include transportation, gas, gas, parking, train or a bus ticket, ride shares. Okay, they do include that in the mix. I'm spending, if I'm getting my hair done there, I'm not doing anything else that weekend. Getting my hair down is at least $250. Dickie-Doo trucker, but Jesus said he's got five kids.

It costs them $400 just to walk out the door. Do it. Your family obviously makes a big difference. There you go. I went to a parade this past weekend and we went to a little carnival afterwards and I somehow dropped like $100 on food for three people. I was like, what's happening here? Pretty easy to do.

What kind of parade were you? I was at the Little Canada Parade. It's really awesome. The Little Canada Parade. Yeah, there's fire trucks. That was cool. I love fire trucks. And princesses.

Hey, I was up in Greenwald this past weekend, up where my wife is from, and they had barley days. Oh, yeah. Barley days. You were talking about going up to the town party. Right. How did it go? It was awesome. They had fire trucks, too.

But they'd let it off. Fire trucks. Fire trucks led off. It's like six of them. And it's like, is it over? All you got is fire trucks? Dump trucks. That's all you need.

Here's a deal. There's a guy in the American Legion band. They were on a flatbed. Yeah. They go by. On a float. Always. Every year.

See, Willie. I have no idea who he is. So if you're listening, if you were at the parade, you heard the guy yell my name. I'm standing on my mother. lost front porch. He yells at me every year. I don't know and no one knows. None of my family knows them.

We American Legion people, we know everybody. We do. Yeah. That's so true. I've never been to American Legion. Oh, you were at one last Friday. You've never been to the one up there. I've been to the one in Sox Center. Or maybe that's the only one they have. Maybe you're... He knows me.

Your fame has grown to a level that you can't even control. It is next level. Yeah. It is next level. $400 a weekend. Okay. Wow. When you throw in a situation like dude just said he's got five kids, Jesus balls. Man. I can only imagine what... Just going to a movie would be out of control.

I'd be scared to leave the house. Yes, 100%, dude. You have to go to the ATM every time. He's just get $600 bucks for the cash. I remember years ago, Josh, you sent me a text message after you went to Subway and you said, what has happened to the world? Yeah. where I went to, and this is not a knock on subway.

We all love subway. It's just everywhere. But this was a long time ago. It's like three times as much as it used to be. I think it was more of a statement, I think, if I remember correctly, on your current situation than it was. You kind of looked around and suddenly you had a wife and you had two stepkids and those two stepkids brought two of their friends and there you were. It was like the early days of you suddenly being a parent, I think.

Yeah, it's funny. you bring, because I remember that too. It was Subway and we got the bill and I thought, gosh, I remember like what it was like to be Nick where the difference is incredible. I remember you asked me. Don't go out to eat by yourself because when I do go out to eat by myself, I'm like, wow, this is really nice. And then you get the bill and it's like $42 and you've had six beers and an hundred. And you're like, what?

And you think this could still be my life. I'm not complaining. I wouldn't change it for the world. You know, it's worth it. to me. But when you look at things like I told you to you, maybe you don't remember, our health insurance, what it costs you a year,

I pay in a month. Because I'm childless? Because, yeah. Unless you, maybe you put your wife on there. I mean, that makes a difference. But if it's just you, like that's, it's a month is the same as a year around. Yeah, I remember you. Dude, mine jumped from

50 to 450. Yes, this was, and this was easily 20 years ago, something like that, Josh. Oh, yeah. And I think you started off by just asking me, hey, have you been to Subway recently? I said, yes. And you said, how much should it cost?

And I said, I don't know, $7 and $80. And you said, I just went to Subway with my new wife and my new family, and it costs $194.9. So it wasn't so much. I was alone. It was like a statement on, how did I get here? How did I get here? How did I get here?

It was kind of where you were going with that. That's crazy. It is. What else? What else? You know, okay, so we're spending on average $400 every weekend in the summer. In the winter time, we spend a little more time hunkered down.

Yeah. Oh, Jibway, Jesus said he, he is two kids, and his two kids went to Spider-Man over the weekend, tickets and snacks, 80 bucks. Which almost sounds low with how expensive things are. Hey, can I tell you something? People are buying snacks at the theater? Yes.

Oh, yeah, I still get a... I'm going to drop this in the tail used. I still get... I went to go see what was that movie I saw the other day. Odyssey. The Odyssey. Same thing. It was kind of fun.

I always get popcorn. Oh, yeah, I guess you can't. I go. I went to the movie by myself. I went to eat them prairie. Oh my God. I got a medium popcorn. And I didn't think it was going to be enough so I switched to a large.

Because I need to eat through the whole movie. Yeah, I'm the same way. But I got a medium bucket. I ordered a medium first just so they would, I could dump it. I can go put it. a lot of butter and salt on it and then dump it in the law and say hey switch it to the large just charged me for both I don't care

and then they didn't but I did and I got raisin nets I can't eat popcorn without chocolate cover raisin and a big bottle of water yeah 50 bucks by myself I bet it's the water that was expensive yeah I've noticed

that when I'm trying to get a bottle of water 50 for a bottle of water yeah like sorry I'm trying to be healthy sir I bought a case for $699 that was 24 bottles. It is crazy. You should have brought him with. Maybe this is just my problem, but after you eat an entire bucket of popcorn and some raisinets,

are you alone for a few hours after that's over? Because I better be alone for a few hours. Really? Oh, God. Left-ended specialist, Jesus said they saw The Odyssey over the weekend. Family of four spent well over 100 bucks. Yep. Right.

By the way, if you don't mind, see Willie Miles, to go back what we originally were talking about, talking about the cost of beer, cigarettes. Yes. Chewing tobacco. Weed. And you said, you've never touched any of it. Right. Did any of it entice you at all?

Or you just always have had that gear where you could just say no. Did any of it entice you? No. None of it. I swear, I think I had that gear. I grew up, my father was not, I don't want to say my father was a, my father smoked. Yeah. He chewed tobacco.

He had a pipe. He'd cigarettes. And he dipped snuff. He drank. But he did all of this on Fridays and Saturdays. And so, and I'm thinking of myself, I don't, I didn't know if I started, if I could quit. That's the only thing that frightened me. Sure.

And so I was like, so as a kid. Josh has said the same thing. And I can't imagine having that presence of mind as a young person. I did. About 16, my father said, I don't want you drinking or smoking until you of age. If I catch you drinking and smoking, whatever you're doing, I'm going to shove it down on your throat. Now, my dad was a big man. He was not a guy to be taking, like saying, he doesn't believe he's just blowing smoke. No, my dad was like, you know, 6 to, like 275 pounds. And he was, he had pop out arms. It's very interesting. Like earlier when we were talking about cigarettes, Dana said he doesn't know anybody anymore that smokes cigarettes at all.

There's no one on either side of his family that smokes cigarettes. I just can't imagine. Mine either. Yeah, I can't imagine like living that, or like going to a Thanksgiving dinner or something, and one of my family members aren't outside smoking six. Like, this is what happens. So your dad was a smoker, but you didn't know, there was no one else? No, my dad smoked. And my relative junior year, he went cold turkey.

He quit smoking, drinking, dipping, chewing, everything. But then we found out, that's when he found out he had cancer. Okay. Oh, that's not fair. You know what I mean? You didn't have any other family members that smoked or anything? Oh, my younger brother Clint. but he was in a band.

Oh. But he was in a real smoker. He only smoked. No, I mean, he only smoked like when he was at a gig. Yeah. You know, and they take their break, he'd go out and he'd sip a little. He'd like to drink the warm Hennessy. Ooh.

That was just for his voice, really. And then he smoked a couple of cigarettes. A little hot toddy or something. Yeah. Added a little something to his voice. And he doesn't drink or smoke anymore. So that was the only person in our family. Like all my sisters and brothers, none of them, all my sisters, none of them.

Drink. Do you think because of your dad's speech? No, no. I just don't think any of us had to... That is something. Yeah, the reservation to do it. I mean, it was just like... It wasn't a learned behavior for us.

I especially cannot think of one male on either side of my families that didn't smoke. I can't think of one. Dude, stop. Neither can I. There were some ladies who didn't in my both sides. But I can't think of one male. Oh, my God. and sister.

Oh, oh, yeah. My brother's an exception. I was thinking of outside of my immediate thing. I'm curious. I just don't know the answer to that. Oh, my sister was a cigarette smoker for many, many, many years. She quit a long time ago. My brother never smoked a cigarette.

Surprisingly, again, it was all around us. He could set some records for chewing tobacco, though. Drinking, obviously you told the stories. He drank his balls off. He could damn near put a whole can of chew in his yap. Oh, dude. You couldn't understand a word that was coming out of his mouth. Wow.

Did he ever get into weed or anything? Oh, hell no. No, no, no. He was totally against that. Interesting how it all works. It's just a... Yeah. It is.

My dad was a big tobacco guy. He had a red man back in the day, man. Juicy stuff. Yeah. He would just put it in there and just be sitting there. He would go fishing with my dad and hunting. And he just, you know... That stuff's harsh, dude.

He had a flash, but I've never seen my dad drunk a day in my life. That man was a happy, he was a happy drinker. He was a big man, so he knew how to space it out. You know, he never went double. He, you know, single, and then he'd water it down a little bit. I just have, I remember when we would be heading up north, you know, to these fishing trips. When my brother and I were like, you know, 16. My dad, of course, is smoking.

The entire, it doesn't matter if it was a 10-hour ride. he would smoke the entire friggin' way. And my brother and I, of course, had these massive wads of chew in our yaps with the spittoon, right? The empty Mountain Dew bottle or whatever. And for whatever, maybe you had to be there. But my dad could not understand

what either one of us were saying because we would put so much Copenhagen into our yaps. And also, for whatever reason, anything he said, my brother and I would both go, huh? Huh? And so my dad had this ongoing joke

where he would say something. we would say, huh? And he'd say, hey, spit so you can hear me. And we would. We go, you know, and go, what was that now? For some reason, our hearing would, we had so much chew in our mouths we couldn't hear. It was disgusting. Tough to multitask. You should have seen my brother back of the day. He'd open up a fresh can of Copenhagen and just the whole works, all of it. Ended up looking like he got kicked by a mule. That's insane. Nobody has that much room in their mouth. Wow, that's crazy. 93x half-assed morning

show. Damn near ready to pimp, limp our way out of this joint. See Willie Miles is here. He wants to leave too. Yes. He wants out of here. No, not really. I stay overnight if you let me. You got to get going.

Yeah, I do. You got to leave town. He was saying you're heading up to St. Cloud this morning. Hesding up to the cloud, man. Celebrate old football coach. That's great. Yeah, man. Some of the players. A lot of the players from the early 70s in the mid-80s. He was done around 83. Your coach, still around, and you boys are going to go up there. A lot of guys that played for him.

That's great. That he recruited it and so forth and so on. Going to go up and celebrate him a little bit up at the ultimate sports bar. Sounds fun. You know, we've been talking about vices all morning long. We've been talking about vices, smoking drugs, drinking beers, chewing snuff, this and that. By the way, I got a text here.

See, Willie Miles. In his lifetime, he's been able to avoid alcohol, cigarettes, chewing tobacco, weed. You're like an iron man. Yep. You might enjoy this being an Alabamaian. Sure. How do I say it? Alabamian.

Here's a text that says, how can you tell an Arkansas couple driving in their pickup, how can you tell that they're married? It says here, there are red man chewing tobacco stains on both sides of the... On the driver and the passenger door. All right. You know what we didn't cover as far as vices. We didn't talk about gambling. So here you go.

I got a hypothetical for you. If you had a choice between instantly receiving $50,000 or flipping a coin, for a 50% chance to win a million dollars, which would you pick? I'm taking the money. Taking the money. Okay. Bird in the hand. Okay.

But that's because I could use that $50,000 in great ways. If I didn't have bills that desperately need to be paid, screw it. Flip the coin. Anybody want to take that chance at a million? Gosh, you know, I'm pretty conservative, so my first instinct was I'd take the 50 grand, but when am I going to ever have an opportunity to come that close to a million dollars? Yeah, good point. She, Willie Miles, 50,000, or you'd flip that coin for a million?

I already got a million, so I'll flip it for the 50,000. I need to walk around money. What the hell? I don't have a million. I think I'd have to flip the coin. That's my only opportunity. You know, I'm with you, Cubby. But, you know, usually I would not gamble at all.

It should give me the guarantee. I'm not a gambler either. That's me. I don't gamble. I don't gamble at all anymore. But like you said, when the hell would I ever get another crack at a million dollars? Now, if I don't win that million, boy, am I going to torture myself for a good stretch of time? Yep, that's why I can't do it.

50 grand will look like a million. 50 grand is huge. I would have some sleepless nights turning. Gosh, now I don't know what to do. Yeah, I would never ever be able to forgive myself. Exactly. And so that's why. Here's the way I look at it.

Now I'm leaning on the other. That is so tough. I would have some sleepless nights, but here's the way I look at it. You hand me a million dollars. Let's say I flipped that coin and it turns up whatever. And I win that million dollars. I'm done. I'm walking out of this place forever.

If you give me a million dollars today, I'm retiring immediately and I'm never coming back. 50,000 wouldn't get me there. If I was a 25 or 30-year-old guy, it might be a totally different answer, but that's the way I stand today. Right. Yeah, you'd have to. Gosh, that's stuff. But I think I would flip it.

And then hate myself if I didn't get it. Actually, at your age, a million might not cut it. At my age, a million's good enough for me to walk away and die. No, dude, I'm saying, like, you give me $50,000, so I don't have any debt, and I'm out. You're out? What? You're retiring? Yeah, I'm retiring.

$50,000. My husband's been trying to retire me ever since we had a son, but the extra money to pay some debts off is nice. you're saying $50,000 and you can stop working? Yeah, because I wouldn't have any more debts. So, like, we wouldn't have to, like, need some extra money to, like, pay some stuff off. I didn't know you were sitting so pretty that all it would take was $50,000. And that husband works really hard. So you're saying as soon as you're – we all work really hard.

That doesn't mean we got enough money to retire. So you're saying once you guys hit that $50,000 mark, you're out of here? That's what you're telling us. I'm at 28. Or once the debt's paid off you're out of them. The problem is as I pay the debt, more debt is – acquired. It's a never-ending circle. That's why I don't know if that $50,000 is going to be enough.

Anyway, 65% of Americans would take the guaranteed, so the majority of us would take the guaranteed 50,000 and not risk that coin flip for a million. I've seen it too much on the prices right. Sometimes you've got to take the deal. Yeah, that's so true. That stresses me out. Where did you land then? Because you were hemming and hawing. Honestly, I know it's lame not to give it.

I probably would take the 50 grand. But just being that close to a million dollars, I'm never going to get that close again. It's a coin flip, dude. I know. Who's got a coin? 50-50. I don't have a damn coin.

I'd love to just pretend. You can do it on your phone. I don't know how to do that. I don't either. All right. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's right.

You got kids at home. All right. I know they taught you. Nick, call it. So here I am on the verge of a million dollars if I call the right. Oh, wow, this is exciting. I'm going to go tail skisks. All right.

Flip a coin. See if it says it out loud. Tales. There go. Tails. You won. Look at that. You're a millionaire, dude.

I'm going to miss you so much. That stresses me out. I'm going to miss you. You would have had a million bucks. You sorry, bastards. You will never see me again. Don't call me. Don't text me.

Don't even contact my wife. None of my friends. I never want to see any of you ever again. See what money does to you? Boy, you're a jerk as a rich guy. Immediately. Oh my God. I changed, didn't I?

And that was just play money. Yeah, that wasn't even real. Oh, do I know some fellers with some gambling issues? Yeah, I think I know some of them too. Wawa wewa. I had a couple. So, yeah, most of us would take the 50 grand. The burden of hand, man.

Yeah. Like you said, see Willie, though, instant gratification. You know, that would be. It is. And you walk away. You don't regret not flipping. You just, you take it and you walk away. Oh, all right, we got to go.

Have fun up in St. Cloud, see Willie Miles. Absolutely, man. Don't forget September the 5th, folks. I'm at the Croner's for my comeback show. I'm very much looking forward to September 5th, Creeze. To hearing all about that. If I don't make it in person,

I'm very much looking forward to hearing about that because I've seen you at Crooners and I recommend it highly to everybody. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. Thanks for coming in, C. Willie. My pleasure. Great seeing you.

Feels like 10 looks like two Jesus. Wants to shout out his in-laws, retired global specialties Jesus and spinal cord society Jesus on the 36th wedding anniversary. That's quite a milestone. Dildo T. Baggins Jesus reached out on the Luther Kia of Bloomington text line

with a shout out to all the porta potty cleaners going up to Wii Fest tomorrow to keep everything clean for the festival attendees. HVAC bowling Jesus, happy 37th to you and happy birthday to Big D. Shmeag Jesus from maliciously delicious Jesus. 93x.

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