93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Deadly dutch oven

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

Originally Aired  September 22, 2026: Death by pork sword. Gilmore sluts. Everything you've ever wanted to know about the Hartford Whalers.  Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheeding.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-assed morning show. 90.3. All right. I suppose if everybody's ready, we ought to get it done. We ought to get started with the Tuesday edition of the 93-X half-ass morning show. Help everyone's feeling terrific. Just absolutely.

Josh, how are your favorite television shows treating you lately? You love a good television series. you and Ashley getting all giddy together talking about your favorite television programs when we're off air. So what's happening? Do you watch Landman? Landman is an incredible show. I'm glad you brought that up.

I do watch Landman. I was excited to see there'll be a season three. I wouldn't be able to imagine three, right? Yeah. I can't imagine that show going away. The way you and Ashley get so animated back and forth off air talking about your favorite television shows. I figured you might as well. Like, what would you recommend to folks

who don't have a favorite yet? Of all time? No, no, no. No. No. What do you suggest to folks who don't have a regular program right now that they're following? Well, you could probably find a better hobby, but that's my hobby. It's binge watching TV late at night on the weekends. Right.

Landman, excellent. But the show, Ashley and I were talking about off air the last couple of days is called Neely on Amazon Prime. Yeah, Prime Video. And it's a spinoff of Reacher, which is also a very good show. And I'd say it's right on par with Reacher. I mean, I miss Reacher being in it,

but it's a really good show. Yeah, it's incredible. But you should start with Reacher and then go to Neely. I don't think you even need to, really. I mean, you'll appreciate the Reacher cameos a lot better. Yeah. But it's a good show. These are two separate guys.

One goes by the name of Reacher. the other one goes by the name of Neely? Neely's a lady. She's a big guy. Oh, are they rivals? No, they're pals. You could even say the best of friends. Do they get it on?

Not that I'm aware of. It's like the only girl he doesn't get it on with. Would you like to watch them get it on? No, they're friends. You know, you don't want to ruin that relationship, but she's got something going on. Yeah. They lead you.

I don't think this is a spoiler, but they lead you to believe she's... What if they just had like a mutual masturbation thing? just watched each other. That's more possible. I still don't want that to happen. She's got some sort of deal where I believe she's a virgin. They sure let you believe that. What? Yeah. She doesn't. In the year of 20 and 26. She doesn't like to be touched. She doesn't like to be touched. Interesting twist so far to the series, I think. I'm more intrigued now. A virgin? A virgin who doesn't like, yeah. I think you'd be surprised. She

kind of seems like the type of person that would take command in the bedroom. Oh, definitely. I thought Wang was the only one. No. Who was hanging on to their virgin. Well, this is different. This is but her choice. From what you've said of Wang, perhaps it's not. Is that kind of what you're leading me to believe?

Your face says yes. That's correct. Yeah, that's kind of correct. All right. So you're watching up the Reacher and the, don't tell me, you said it, Neely. Neely, yep. I've been watching Gilmore girls. Oh, don't get me.

Now that sounds old. Isn't that old? It's been around for old. while. Yeah, the girl that portrays a teenager, I think she was 19 when it was filmed, and she's now in her 40s. So, yeah. Isn't Sebastian Bach, the lead singer of Skid, or former singer of Skid Row? Isn't he a part of that show? I would have to see a picture. Wait a minute. You're telling me these are current episodes, or you're watching reruns of a show called the... Reruns. Okay. Yeah, it's been around for a while. I watched it for the first time last year on maternity leave, and it's a very fall-themed show.

I'm an autumn, by the way, for anybody that also watches the show. They'll understand what I'm talking about. But it's fantastic. I love it. And, Nick, you would, I think you would watch it just because the main lady, Lorelei, is scorching hot. Like, as you would say, one of the hottest women. Nick, she's not hot enough to make it worth your while. I absolutely hate that show.

What do you hate about it? It's just something your wife watches and you're kind of forced to watch? When I get married for the third time, you guys, Will you make sure that I vetted my third wife that she does not, she's not obsessed with Gilmore girls? Why don't you like it? Oh, I just find it's just the snappy dialogue. Oh, it's so back and forth.

And the little witty teenager, she's so with it and sharp. I think the only difference between that and, like, other shows you watch is that this one has like a little teenager girl. I mean, right? The other shows you watch are kind of the same thing. I don't know. Back and forth. And then they're always hanging on the diner.

And it's just, oh, God. It's just. It just drives me up the wall. I hate that show song. I've never heard anybody say anything negative about it. I mean, it doesn't seem like something I'd like. I've done a little research. I've done a little research on this character called Lorelai from the television show Gilmore Girls.

You say she's a missile. You say I'd watch the series just to see what Lorelei brings to the table week in, week out. Dana says she's not hot enough to draw me in. I've made a decision. One of you are correct. one of you are correct can i add to it she's also very witty is she cute with the mouth she's funny she's witty yeah uh Dana's right she's not hot enough to draw me in i did just think about how so she's a very pretty girl but not hot enough to draw me into a program called the gilmore girl

if it was called the gilmore porn stars maybe i would yeah it needs a different name i'm sure there are some uh some things like that on porn hub but the gilmore sluts maybe i would uh but i guess uh Yeah, I take it back because her bit is that she also is, like, obsessed with coffee. Like, kind of the, like, don't talk to me until I had my coffee vibe. Well, that makes two of us. And that infuriates you, so never mind. I take that back. All right. All right.

So Sebastian Bach, former lead singer of Skid Row, one of the most beautiful men at one time. Current lead singer of what band, Josh? Twisted Sister. Twisted Sister. He was on Gilmore Girls. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, he's the one that's in the band. He's like the old dude that's in the band with all the teenagers.

He has like a wife and kids and then he's playing with all these like college-aged kids. A completely different route. The new season of Ted Lassow, I think is on par with the first season of Ted Lassow. That's pretty good as well. I only watched the first two episodes. I completely forgot about that one. And actually you're right. Like when I said like I couldn't stand the snappy dialogue, that's what Ted Lassel is basically entirely based on.

So you might be on. to something there. Sprinkler Fitter Jesus is texted in to say his wife likes the program, the Gilmore Girls, and he says it's awful and it's not worth it. Oh, Christ. Well, I was just curious because I know you guys are awful passionate about that kind of a thing. So we got the Gilmore Girls. We've got Reilly.

Neely. Neely. Teacher. Reacher. Reacher. And Landman. Who is this that has texted in? Short but fat.

Jesus has texted in. She says in honor of you, Ashley, she is, she's taken on a routine here. She's watching one scary movie every day. Okay, so today is the first day of fall. Recently, we had our first Halloween-related story in the Stupid News report. So a lot of you are treating this as, you know, the beginning of Halloween season or whatever. some people. What is that stupid one? I can't say it out loud. Spooky season. Oh, God. I just want to

puke whenever I hear someone say, it's the spooky. What am I six? Anyway. I know. Anytime I send any show prep that's about Halloween, I always put that in there. I hear people say the spooky season, and I want to strangle them. So short but fat sheizes is fully immersed in this Halloween vibe. She's watching a scary movie every day, and she's really enjoying it. That can be fun. I talk to a gentleman. on the boat Friday who said he went to go do some spooky season shopping.

Jesus, he did not say it that way. No, he didn't say that. Go to Spirit Halloween. And, no, he went to another retailer and they were putting Christmas stuff out, he said. No. He showed me a picture. I don't know if it was a legit picture or not, but it does seem like, you know, there are a couple holidays ahead, usually, at some of these big stores.

What else, Josh? Give me one more sleeper television show. Currently? Currently, yes. Okay, I got a sleeper one for you. Yeah. And now I'm forgetting the name. Ride Along, maybe.

Also on Prime Video. The Rock and Kevin Hart. It's with the tall blonde lady from Ted Lassow. Ride Along. It's better than it should be. This is a series, not a movie. Correct. Oh, my wife really love that show.

Is it called Ride Along? I'm looking it up. Okay. All right. Blonde from Ted Lassow. Is she like Lorelai Gilmore Girls Hot? Oh, she's attractive. Good.

Good, good, good. All right, well, tell us more about that one. I can't remember it, yeah. What's got you intrigued in that one? It's like a buddy comedy between a lady who could be in some sort of clandestine service. Ride or die? Ride or die? Okay, that's the one.

Oh, yes. You said sleeper. I'll call that one a sleeper. All right, fair enough. Her name is Hannah Waddingham. She's fantastic. Thank you to the brother and sisterhood. Yes, they're checking in with ride or die.

Here's something for you. Feel free and give us your answer. 651-9-89-9-93. Nope, nope, no, no, no. Let me start that again. We have a new number, and I keep effing it up. Even though Josh printed it out in huge bold letters the other day. I tried to help you.

651-551-933. That's our true text telephone number. Try this one out. If you could disappear, from the real world. Leave your current life, your friends, your family, leave them all behind to join up

with the cast of a television show. What television show would you join up with? Easy peasy. Always sunny. Yeah, always sunny in Philadelphia. Never saw it. Oh, I would love to just do degenerate things with those people. If you could disappear from the real world,

leave it all behind and live inside the world of a television show, which one would you go with? I got a couple ideas. You got anything in mind, Josh? Television show. This is tough. Not a movie, television show. I'd probably go back to something from my childhood just for, you know, those warm fuzzies.

I'd like to live in the same house as Marcia Brady. I'll tell you that right now. Oh, that's a good one. I'd like to live in the same. I didn't think of that. Can I do like animation? Because I want to live it. You can do whatever you want.

I want to live in Clifford's world. But wait a minute. You said always sunny in Philadelphia. You want to change your answer. I didn't think about my childhood shows. Yeah, I want to live in Clifford's world. Clifford, you say? I want to be his best friend.

Never saw it. I understand. You're missing out. It's great. It would be kind of weird if Nick had sat down and watched Clifford. He's adorable. He's adorable. He grew so big because he was loved too much.

I remember him from the comics when I was a kid. And I got to be honest with you. I always kind of wanted to. I was wanted to kick Clifford. No. Yeah, I want to kick him. He can just step on you. You'd be gone.

I want to abandon him on the side of the road. I do. No. Did the Ingles Wilders and Little House in the Prairie, did they have Wi-Fi? I don't think so. You could probably bring a Wi-Fi stick with you. I'm not going to say them.

Hanging with the cast of cheers would be cool. If it's a more recent show, I think I'd get along with Dean and Sam from Supernatural. Never saw. You would live. live in 18 aught 5. It's not Sleepy Hollow. What's the name of the town again?

Walnut Grove. You would live in 18 and 5 Walnut Grove with the Ingalls and the Olsons and Mr. Edwards and Doc Baker and Mrs. Beetle, the teacher. If they had Wi-Fi. I like to sports bet. Or back then it would be sport bet. You aren't known for that. Remember, they had a baseball team. Yeah.

And I think they had a football team also. Did they have a football team? Oh, yeah. Albert got a number of concussions. Do you remember? Oh, right. And the coach kept forcing them out on the field. Well, they didn't know back then.

Even though they were just wearing stocking caps, you know, back in they didn't wear helmets. I'd still be able to stay in Minnesota. Right. You don't like to go far from home. So it'll be, you know, pretty wholesome. That town wouldn't be wholesome anymore, though, I'll tell you that. Because you'd go after Mrs. Olson. You know?

And you'd break up that marriage and you would be the talk. of southern Minnesota. My goal would be to make her smile just once. But I always thought you had kind of a little boner machine for Mrs. I think that's why I want the challenge. Mrs. Olson. Some of the examples, feel free again to text. If you could leave the real world and enter a television show and exist there and there only,

what television show would you go with? I see some text on the Dukes of Hazard. Here are some others that were. Oh, that's a good one. Duke's a Hazard? Yeah. Yeah. They didn't have nothing but fun, just avoiding the law and hanging out at the boar's nest and trying to get a peek up Daisy's shorts.

That wouldn't take much. Boy, I want to drive the General Lee just once. And I want to jump a creek. You're living in Hazard County day after day. Of course you're going to ride in the friggin' stupid. What do they call it again? General Lee. Of course you're going to jump something.

I mean, that's the whole fucking show. I'd have one request. Can we just make it so the doors? open on that thing at my age. I can't crawl through a window like the Duke boys did. Uncle Jesse will give you a boost. Could you handle a hood slide, do you think? No. I want to try it someday and see how embarrassing

it is. You'd catch your little coins on the hood ornament and just a big bloody mess. Of course, Josh, you're living in Hazard County. I mean, there'll be a terrible season of the Dukes of Hazard if you never got to get in the General Lee and drive over. Hey, guys just once?

Yeah. Some of the common answers. It must be maybe an older crowd who got involved in this conversation online because they're mentioning Cheers, the Simpsons, happy days. Oh, happy days would be cool. Oh, yeah, all good. They had nothing but good times on the A team. Definitely.

There must be some older folks, Starsky and Hutch, for Christ's sake. My brother and I were obsessed with that show when we were kids. We even went as Starsky and Hutch for Halloween a couple of years. I personally, I think, despite it being a very difficult question and there's a lot of of choices, of course. I just thought of one. Maybe I could go back and live on the Cosby show set, and I could straighten Bill out before any of this bad stuff happened.

You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. I could sit him down. Maybe I could smother Bill in his sleep before any of these. Hide his Spanish fly. Give him the old, remember what Chief did to McMurphy in one Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? You're going to do that to him? Do that to Cliff Huxable, despite all the unbelievable great choices.

Another show that I watch every day. I'd go live in the Bundy's world on Married with Children. Oh, man. I want to live with Kelly, and I'm peeping in through her keyhole nightly. I'd go for Peg. I know you would. Peg was such a babe. Al and I are hanging around, drinking beer, bitching.

I'm working at the shoe store. We go to the jiggle, what they call the, They had a name for the strip joint in town. Oh, yeah. Let's see. The booby hatch. What the hell did the Bud and Al would often go to the, the nudie bar.

They just called it the nudie bar. I mean, that would be. The jiggly room. Was it the jiggly room? Yeah. But they also called it the nudy bar. I want to live in the Bundy's world, marry with children.

I'm going to marry Kelly when we're 15 and we live out the rest of our lives together. I've watched like a bunch of kind of supernatural witchy shows. I can't think of any of them right now, of course. I've watched too many of them, but I'd love to live in a universe like that where magic is real.

You're a witch. Yeah, that'd be super cool. Would you be a good witch or a bad witch? A bad witch. But would you have a heart deep down? No. Not at all? No. You would just... I'd just create mayhem. You would just random.

Mayham? You would randomly kill and maim. Children and animals? Everyone that crossed your path? That sounds fun. I would watch that show. I would. I would watch that show.

Oh God, taxi. People are saying taxi. The girl's next door. Corona Jesus says. He'd like to live there in the Playboy mansion. No reality shows. I'm making that rule. No reality shows.

Well, it makes sense. Yeah, because I'd probably say like, even though it would annoy me, it'd be cool to be in their Kardashians world because I'd be filthy rich. I mean, that'd be cool. Yeah, I'll take a couple of things off your plays via that kind of money.

Yeah, you know, I would love to just like spend my days drinking green juice and doing Pilates. Charlie's Angels and the Walking Dead. Yeah, I'll pass on that. If people said Game of Thrones, the only reason I'd want to go to Game of Thrones is so I could warn some folks, like, stay away. I know that people think you're the main.

character, but you're going to die, dude. I've never seen this show, but I've heard enough that I think I would advise people not to go to the Red Wedding. Do I have that correct? Yeah, stay away from that. Yeah, I heard that got a little bloody. I know why I'd visit the Game of Thrones. Because they were just slinging it back then.

They were open sexually. Because they knew that any minute they were going to take a sword to the throat, and that would be it, you know, right? And it didn't, yeah, they were taking porksorts to the throat. It didn't matter if you were related related or not. A pork sword. Wait a minute. They were disemboweling them in many, many ways.

They were very loose with their sexual vibe because they knew the clock is ticking. Any day now, I'm going to get caught up in some type of a sword fight, and that will be it. If you were in the Game of Thrones, you would last, like, a week because you would die from some, like, crazy sexually transmitted disease. Oh, yeah, one you never even heard of before. They didn't have those back then. They definitely didn't have condoms. I don't know, wait, I don't know, did they? There was no such sheepskin or something.

STDs didn't come around until the 70s. They had hundreds of years before they had to worry about STDs. Well, again, we must have, you know, some older folks out there, and there's nothing wrong with that, or folks with just a taste for classic television, maybe you'd call it, because a lot of folks are saying things like Baywatch and Seinfeld, and Gilligan's Island and the Sopranos and Three's Company and on and on from there. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Wolfpack Softball Jesus texted in and asked me, you're really going to pass on living on, you're going to pass on F-Boy Island? That's a reality show. We're not counting those. That was a reality show, right? F-boy Island? Yeah.

Well, yeah, reality, quote-unquote. I mentioned, I don't know, months or years ago, I mentioned that I dreamed of being an F-boy. I don't even still to this day know what an F-boy is, but I have my own idea and I wanted to live that life. No, we're not doing reality shows. This one came to mind, too, a few people texting in on Dexter. I'd love to be Dexter's buddy. It's one of my favorite shows.

House. Dude, I would be Dexter's best friend. I would help him. I would help him do whatever he needed to do it. I remember you talking up and down about Dexter. One of my all-time favorite shows. You never saw it. Josh, what about Star Wars or Star Trek for you?

Ah, Star Trek, yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, I could see. or the Orville, just kind of a not necessarily parody, but kind of a parody of Star Trek. A couple of people texting in the Orville. That was a great show. Some people were saying that 70s show.

I could see myself smoking some weed in that basement. Yeah, I watched only a couple episodes of that. For no real reason, I stopped, but I only watched a couple. Jackie better get out of my way, though. Oh, yeah. Fine, I'll take Jackie, you take Kelso. All right, deal.

Man. Wouldn't that be something? Thank you for your text messages. Yeah, this is fun. You've got some great ideas. Saved by the Bell. Mm. Gross.

Yeah. Oh, Gilligan's Island. Yeah, that got mentioned. Okay, yeah, somebody wants to try for Marianne and Ginger. You can't take both. You couldn't handle both. I remember watching Saved by the Bell when we were college-age dudes. Strictly and 100%.

so we could watch what's her name Kelly Kapowski stroll back and forth yeah I mean sure to live in Kelly Kapowski's world would be great but Jesus the rest of the cast

I think I would just go on a killing spring saved by the bell would have a very dark theme if I suddenly was placed in that world because sure I'd be making my moves on Kelly Kapowski but I think I'd have to murder everyone else on the program

they were so terrible you couldn't take Aisi Slater you kidding me He was a bitch I bet he can't fight He was a wrestler Yeah I stand by my statement

So there you go What else is going on today Randy Shaver will join us around 730 All right What's the last television show you'd like to get caught up in Well I think somebody mentioned The Walking Dead just sounds miserable Yeah I want nothing to do with that

I like some of the characters but Yeah Not only do you have to be afraid of the zombies you also have to be afraid of a man wielding a bat with nails in it. It just sounds terrible. Take away the plot of the show. I mean, I never saw it. What's the name of the show again?

Walking Dead. Never saw it, but I understand the premise, right? It's the end of time and zombies are chewing our faces off. Forget about the plot and just think what characters could you absolutely not live with? I already mentioned, I couldn't live with the cast from Saved by the Bell. They all drove me nuts. They were just terrible idiots. Honestly, darn near all of them.

Looking back at the show, they eventually started, all of them started irritated. We're talking about saved by the bell? No, the Walking Dead. Oh, the Walking Dead. Yeah, eventually they started really just... You wouldn't like to live in that world simply because of the character. I guess that there's one guy,

and I'm completely forgetting his name. I hate myself. He has a bow and arrow. Dana. Oh, the long hair guy, yeah, Daryl. Yes, I would hang out with him all day. He was the coolest. Yeah, by far. He was. so cool. Everyone else has got, you know,

I don't know, more high-tech weapon. They got guns. They got all that kind of stuff. And he's like, all I need is my bone arrow. I would have killed that kid right from the get-go in the walking down in the early seasons. That kid was so annoying. Let Glenn live, leave that kid behind.

Yeah. I mean, you're talking about, oh, shoot, I just had it. Rick's son. Carl? Yeah, Carl. God, Carl's a bitch. Yeah, I hear you. I mean, if I was transformed to the world of Baywatch, you're never going to see David Hasselhoff ever again.

I love your irrational hatred. I'm going to strangle him in his sleep and bury him on the beach somewhere where no one can find him. I could never stand just even the sight of David Hasselhoff. Oh, boy, I love Night Rider, though. I never watched Baywatch. Tim Allen's character on that Tooltime show, I always wanted to. I always wanted to. I loved that show.

I used to watch it all the time. I did too actually. Just hit him over the head with a bat. God, I hated that effing program. But he was great on Last Man Standing. Of course. I loved Last Man Standing. I was an expert on that series.

I'm trying to think of some others. I never liked Jarrah Seinfeld. Yeah, he was the worst part of that show. I'd like to go to his program and burn his apartment down. He really, if he had to pick the least. I mean, I know it's called Seinfeld, but if he would have left the show, it still would have been a good show. Perfect. I probably would have watched more episodes had he left.

So there you go. All right. We've got to take a little breaky break here. It's the Tuesday show. Coming up next, we'll hit up that stupid news report. Appreciate all your text messages. And I'm probably going to come back to this. People are texting in. Well, our first little scenario was if you could leave your real life and head off and exist solely on a television show, what would it be?

So we'll get back to that. We'll do the stupid news. This and that's going to be a hell of a deal. Hang around for a few minutes. We'll be right back on the Half-Ast Morning Show. The 93X Half-Ast Morning Show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here.

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Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Here we go. What were we talking about, Josh? We threw a little scenario at our listening audience, the mighty brother and sisterhood. We threw this scenario their way. We said if you could escape your real life, if you could walk away from this world and exist.

solely on a television show. Which television show would you go with? We had a lot of text coming into our Luther Blumenton-Bloompson-Kia text line, 651-551-93-93. We covered this. We covered that. Here's a few more messages on this subject, some shows that maybe we didn't mention the first time around. Fantasy Island. And a lot of folks, again, I want to make a note that a lot of folks went with programs from the 70s and the 80s. We must have some very mature listeners out there. Fantasy Island, a new adventure every day, Josh. I loved that show.

And if you're hanging out with Mr. Rourke, you're going to get some. Dude, he'd be the perfect wingman. Smooth some bitch, handsome, bastard that he was, powerful. If you're hanging out with Mr. Rourke, you're going to get... He had that sexy... Sure, he did. Oh, I'd throw a love boat on there, then. That's a great answer.

Foxy ladies everywhere. There's always a new crop of them coming on the boat. Every couple of weeks you make a trip to Porta Vallarta. Who is the main, the welcoming lady? Jenny? Julie. She got hooked on dope. Anyway, you're on a friggin cruise ship.

Every couple of weeks, you're headed off to Porta Viarda with Foxy ladies, all of them drinking, all of them on vacation where there are no rules, right? And your only competition for the Foxy Ladies is Doc, who was a total dork who wore knee-high socks like a schoolgirl. He was a dork. But he got all the squish. That's the thing. That is weird how that has.

I suppose he's a doc. You toss him over the side of the boat. You can make it look like an accident. There were cameras everywhere back then like there are now. There were no cameras on those boats. Josh is exactly right. Here's a listener who says, can you imagine living day in, day out, in Peewee's Playhouse? Oh, good one.

That is a good one. I want to go back to when Pee Wee Herman rules. the world. I do. I love Pee We Herman. Those were great times. Did you see his documentary? Never saw it. I think it's just called I am Pee We Herman. But I would like to see it because I'm very interested. You should watch it. Yeah, it was fantastic. Can you tell me what channel I can find that on? Because I'm always looking for. I like a good documentary. God rest of soul of Paul Herman's. It's on Max. Paul Herman. What the hell was this? Rubens. Paul Rubens. It's on Max. A few people mention who's the boss. Again, we're talking about if you can escape.

the real world and live the rest of your days on a television show, what show would it be? Another good one, yeah. I mean, who's the boss? I mean, let's cut to the chase. Tony Danza is immortal, okay? He's one of the coolest dudes that has ever lived. You're hanging out with Tony Danz every day, and then you know what else you got going on over there, Cubby, right? You got Mona, you got Samantha, you got Angela.

Mona. Right. Nice. Here's one I couldn't disagree with more. A listener texted in, wants to live on the television show Alice. Oh, I didn't watch that. You made the right choice. You made the right choice.

Now, the listener argues he just live in a diner all day. Okay. But if any of you as remember Alice, that was such a depressing friggin' show, especially the main character. My God, one episode, she's terribly sick. The next episode, she's broke. Well, she was always broke. The next episode, she gets assaulted. The next episode, her mother dies.

I didn't know it was that dark. Oh, Alice, Mel was a funny character. Alice was so dark. I watched a lot of it, and it would just always bring me down. A couple people said they wanted to live on the television show Good Times. Oh, geez, another great one. For one reason. I think you can probably come up with the reason.

Oh, I probably. Thelma. Flo. Felma. Felma was a missile. Just sexy. Oh, she was so hot. Everything about her is sexy.

I thought you were a Walona guy. I like Walona a lot too. Probably more. People are texting in. They must not have heard the earlier conversation some Star Trek. That's also a really good one. Somebody was wondering, what about cartoons? Jetsons.

Ah, he-man? What other cartoons? I want to exist in He-Man's world. I've always wanted the power of Grace Gold. Wall-to-wall nonsense. I think we talked about this when the movie came out, but boy, was He-Man a nerd. I don't remember him being a dork. The current He-Man?

No, when we watch, re-watching the cartoon. Oh. I watched a couple of them before the movie. Yeah, he was kind of a bitch. Yeah, he really was. Yeah. He was kind of S-A-W-F-T soft, the original cartoon he-man. A few people mentioned everybody loves Raymond. Now, again, that's another television show that I try to catch almost every day, and I really love it.

I'm fighting Ray. See, I'm killing his wife within minutes. I can't stand his wife. If me and you are in that world, there's going to be no Ray and no Deborah. She is never happy. She is always up his ass over something. I would not be happy with him either. I love all those characters.

He sucks at being a husband. Oh, F that. Like what makes him so bad? She sucks at being a wife. He'll do like, he just, first of all, he's the biggest mama's boy, like to the point where it's like, yo, dude. Yeah, it's pretty sad. Take a step out of her vagina. Both the brothers are that way.

Yes, absolutely. I can't argue with that. But Deborah is just a, uh, you know. You didn't do this, and you didn't help me with that. Jesus, balls. Get off my ass for two seconds. This is so difficult because here's another great suggestion. The X-Files.

Yeah, that's one of my all-time favorites. You love that show. Mulder and Scully. You'd come into work skipping, doing backflips over what you saw the prior night on the X-Files. One of the best. I need to watch that so bad. Man. I think you'd like it, Ashley, quite a bit.

Yeah, you definitely would like it, Ashley. Maybe it's one of those things, kind of like what I did with The Walking Dead. I waited like 15 years and finally watched it. And it was awesome because then I had something to watch for a month. So maybe I'll just save it for when I eventually run out of TV shows. Yeah, a rainy day show. Quite a few people texted in about my name is Earl. What a wonderful existence that would be to live in that world.

Absolutely. Cheers was a very popular answer. He just hang out in the bar all day and have some laughs with the, Ralph and Potsie and Joni. What the hell? Silver spoons? I got the wrong cast there. Leo and Teddy.

What the hell were their names again? Norm and Cliff and Woody. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you say, Josh? Silver spoons. Minnesota of Arizona Jesus says Silver Spoons because of that house. They had the train, the arcade games. What?

Rick Schroeder. Yep. Alfonso Ribeiro? Was he in that one? Was that maybe his first acting? Yes, it does say. he's in there, yep. That was, I think, his first gig. Is that the dude that's in Fresh Prince?

Yeah, Carlton. Oh, Jason Bateman's in that? I'll go along with it. He was kind of in a lot back then. Yeah, he was. What's the greatest television theme song ever, Josh? I'm going to throw three into the mix right away. Good times.

Just a terrific song. I can sing that song out loud every time when I watch the show. Then I'm going with Cheers. Just a beautiful song and it just brings back so many great men. And then of course the theme song to the greatest American hero. That's my number one answer. Believe it or not, I'm walking on air. I thought that, um, but not bosom buddies. Perfect strangers. I thought perfect strangers had a good one too. I don't recall that one. Busom buddies, of course, was Billy Joel. People are talking about

Sanford and Son. Oh, sure. I mean, not all of them needed lyrics. I mean, Hill Street Blues, Sanford and Sun. All Hill Street Blues. Miami Vice. Miami Vice was a high. hot tune there for a while. There was a lot of good ones. Rockford Files. That was a rocking tune. Wasn't there one guy that just did a whole bunch of them? Happy Days was great.

I don't know. Alan Thick did a lot of them. Yeah, he was... From growing pains. I know he did a lot of those types of theme songs. He would sing them too. Yeah, he was big into that angle. Oh, what's happening?

Oh, great one. Yeah, that's a great one. Yeah, that's a great one. Rhyr. Bina, bina. I mean, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-a-boom. I missed that show. Growing pains.

Oh, sure, that was, don't tell me. This was not planned, by the way. We're just losing our minds here. Growing pains. Show me that smile. What about family ties? You like that one? Sure, I like that one a lot.

Michael J. Fox. I like that one a lot. I didn't really care so much for Michael J. Fox. But what's her name? Bregman, Legman. Mallory? What was the actress's name? The famous brother.

We just mentioned him earlier. Baitman. Melanie Mollany Baitman, whatever her name was. Jessica. Jossinda. Bateman. What was her first name? Lassitha.

Bateman. Someone's got to hook me up. Justine Bateman. Smoke show. Come on, baby. Welcome back. Connor. Charles is.

In Charge was a great song. Not a great show. But Charles in charge. Give me a break with Nell Carter. Oh, God. All in the family. We forgot about all. Boy, the way Glenn Miller played songs that make the...

You guys know it. We used to have a CD with all these on it. Yeah, they used to make an effort back in the day. Different strokes. We could do this until your mother passes out. The Muppet Show theme song. Okay, at one point or another, we have to keep moving forward. Yeah, we should go.

We can't help ourselves. We have too much fun sometimes. All right. This is about as ridiculous and childish as it gets and gross, too. In the useless far southeastern United States, a fully grown, at least physically, a fully grown 32-year-old man got arrested. The cops had to dump the irons on them. And the whole work started with the old Dutch oven.

It's such a gross and accurate term. If you're familiar with the Dutch oven, then you currently or formerly have been romantically involved with a complete idiot. Yeah, that's messed up. If anybody ever did that to me, they would be dead. You had a lot of older brothers. never happened to you? No, it's weird because people have asked me those kind of questions before, like, why are you so against flatulence and stuff like that? But when you grew up with

brothers, but we never did that. They never did that sort of thing. No fart games. No, not at all. If you don't know, the Dutch oven is the slang term. For when a disgusting moron farts under the covers in bed and then pulls the covers over your head, so you're forced to inhale the inner workings of their colon. For my money, I'm with Ashley. That's one of the most pathetic effing things one human being could ever do to the other, especially once you're grown. I think if someone dumps a Dutch oven on you,

it should be completely within your rights to stab that person. I kind of look at like the upper decker where the idea of you poop in the top part of the toilet, where it's funny in concept, but not funny in real life if it ever actually happened. Not funny in real life, he says. I don't know. I kind of see you as a Dutch oven guy, Dana. Do you? Yeah, a little bit.

I don't think I've ever had. You and your bros. So this giant six-year-old doofus, he's really 32, but I think he only deserves to be referred to as a six-year-old. He calls himself Anthony. He was arrested. What happened was this here. His girlfriend asked Anthony to stop farting in bed.

reasonable? She was damn near ready to make like the new guy and go off to the corner to puke her damn guts out. Now here's where you know you're involved with a very mature, well-adjusted adult. When the girlfriend told Anthony to stop with the Dutch oven, he got mad. Dude, and what's incredible is I'm sure he had zero idea

just how completely sad and pathetic that is. Responding with rage, Josh, when you're told to stop farting. That is beyond concerning. Yeah, that is concerning. You know, if I could... He got mad! Yeah. Maybe he was embarrassed.

He's obviously got some problems. Yep. So anyways, Anthony starts arguing with his girlfriend over her idea to put a lid on this Dutch oven game. He stood up for his farts. He made a stand. He's the type of guy who will defend his gas, not just roll over like some of you friggin snowflakes, right?

Anthony took to calling his girlfriend some terrible names. Nice. Because she was trying to stop his little fart game. She had the audacity. She did. So he calls her some terrible names. She had enough. She upped and spit right in his face.

Good for her. Well, that's when Anthony began strangling her. My word. Josh? What? Now he's prepared to kill in defense of his farts. I mean, again, trying to see the silver lining. At least she's not able to breathe it in at that point.

Good point. She's immune to it. The girlfriend had to bite one of Anthony's fingers damn near smooth off. Good for her. To get him to release his grip on her neck. She goes ahead. She calls the police. When the cops got there, Anthony, the man who will stand his ground to the bitter end,

in defense of his intestinal gas, he said to the cops, Yeah. I choked her dumb ass because she spit on me. I want to beat this man up so bad. There should be rules where people can be beat up for something they did. He needs a knee to the face. He was charged with domestic battery by strangulation. That's a felony. And he could end up in prison for up to five years.

Hey, tough guy. The good news is if you like to play butt games, Anthony, you're headed to the right place for all that. Come on. Get in line now for the Chamber of Farts. Thrilling ride, if I remember. It seems like the kids didn't like it too much. Was there anybody on that ride, Josh, who was ready for some more Fawks?

You enter the Chamber of Fouts? Keep your hands inside at all times. Okay. So, the Chamber of Farts has another victim, eh? Don't be afraid. There aren't any ghouls here. Only but.

Perhaps you need some more Farts. This guy's going to go to prison. Do you ever hear of something like this? Somebody texted in and said their cat Dutch ovens them. Oh. What? I've never had any animal do that.

I'm going to go along with it. I've never had that experience myself. Are cats gassy? I've never once noticed. Maybe this guy feeds his cat pizza rolls or something, I don't know. Here are some more truly sad excuses for grown people in a place called

Franklin County. And for the official record, if you're keeping score at home, that is far to the south and east of here, Franklin County. The local cops got a telephone call asking them to swing out and check on the folks hanging out at a rented house. The caller roughly said, you should swing by this house. I think these jagoffs have a pile of illegal drugs over there. So here come the cops, and sure is hell.

Inside that rented house, they found four grown people, and an assload of cocaine, marijuana, ecstasies, meth rocks. There was also a gun or two laying around. The police arrested all four of them, all of them in their 40s. And apparently the four idiots were on vacation. They rented that house. I think they came up from Missouri or something,

or down from Missouri, down to the far southeast. They were on vacation with their kids. Seven kids total, I think I have the correct number. The youngest is a silly little two-year-old. the oldest is 16. The hilarious catch to this here story is that it was the kids. The two-year-old probably didn't have a say in this, but the rest of them, the kids were the ones to call the cops on their own parents.

Because watching their stupid folks sit around and get destroyed on dope wasn't their idea of a good vacation. So the kids collectively agreed. They said, F them, let's get these jag-offs thrown into the nearest jailhouse. I think that is frigging. That's a lot of drugs to bring on vacation. Yeah, those poor kids. What a riot.

They just want to go to Disney World. Right. That makes me sad. The local cops said this here. They said these adults were very open about what they had as far as drugs go. The kids were concerned. They were concerned for their own safety. The cops also said it, what did they say?

The cops also said it looked as if the four grown. people. Oh, had the makings to where they were going to start cooking up some crack rocks, too. Oh, that's better. So they had the cocaine, the marijuana, ecstasy, meth rocks, and they had the ingredients to cook up some crack rocks. The kids were pumped once their folks got hauled off to the county jail. They could finally relax, have some fun. Some relatives came and picked them up, and it says here they went straight to Chi-Chi's. Oh, lovely.

Perfect timing. Yeah. She's back. Mm-hmm. Who's back? Chi-Chi's. Oh. All the parents are still in jail, and they might end up staying there for a really long time.

But eff them. You guys know the angle that I take. They had their chance. They effed it up. You're all effing high on crack rocks and meth rocks, and you got a gun laying around and kids in the house with you. Sorry. Seven kids.

You effed up. Goodbye. Thank God that, I mean, it could have went so much. much worse. I love that those kids decided, you know what, this sucks. We're calling the cops. Enough of this. Got out of a bad situation there, that's for sure. Boy, it must have been

awful for a while. Yep. Yeah, it takes a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot for your kids to turn on you. Oh, you think? Not all kids. I don't know about that. You'll find out. Oh, I can't get that pack of cards

on the way out of Target here. I'm going to throw temper tantrum. Yeah, no, that, I mean like... Some kids will turn on you. Yeah. Yeah, that I wasn't talking about small stuff like that. Like, talking about something more serious like this. Calling the cops on your parents?

Yeah, because, I mean, your kids are like naturally, biologically, they're going to love you. It's just biology. So you have to do some shady stuff for them to call the cops on you and them not want you in their life anymore like that. All I'm saying is not always. Not always. some people will some kids will just say yeah i know they're my parents but i never liked them get them out of here that means true that's so sad what do they do what the parents do yeah nothing good i'll tell you that i framed my father for embezzlement because he wouldn't let me watch

the a team ashley true story they wouldn't let me watch the 18 yeah that's sad that's my i'm not saying i have returned on my parents but i know some people who when they were even when they young. They didn't care for their parents and they would have turned on them at any time if given the opportunity because their parents were idiots. You got to give some kids you're a lot smarter than you give them credit for. So like these kids we just talked about. Good for them. Ashley, Google Lizzie Borden. Oh my God. And see if you change your mind. Not the band, but the well, both actually. So it seems like we're being hammered by low life dope addicts lately here in the stupid news report. Even way over there in.

in England, a gal has gone ahead and lost her job as a pharmacist. She got caught sneaking pills into prison for her incarcerated online boyfriend. She was snatching the pills from the pharmacy where she made her living, and she was sneaking them into the gray bar in for her junkie boyfriend. Tanya is this sad old gal's name. She's a 61-year-old for Pete's sake, acting like this at her age. Looks a lot older. Could be the drugs.

Yeah, she doesn't look so good. Says here she began a flirtatious online relationship with a prisoner while working at the local pharmacy. And something tells me, Cubby, that the dude on the other end of that relationship, Dinkus, the inmate, something tells me he only took an interest in old Tanya because she knew, because he knew she could get her hands on those delicious, delicious pills. I bet you're right. Yeah. She was his plug

Tanya got strip searched at the gate of the prison And the guards found some dope in her bra Right there snuggled up pressed up against one of her hangers Boobituets I'd try some boob drugs I guess There were some pills in her bra There was some cocaine in there too

Tanya, yes Ashley do you store stuff there No you see women do that No I hate doing that Like cash or something I say it's like the beach or the pool. No, it's gross. Tanya admitted that she was getting paid to sneak dope into the prison.

Oh, she also said she snuck in some SIM cards. Is that something to do with a cellular telephone? Yeah. Now, Tanya's got to do her own time. Six years, son. Well, now she needs a plug. Yeah, she probably has connections. I bet she does.

I'm not sure if her prisoner boyfriend got into any trouble for I'm assuming he did. And now that Tanya's off to the ladies prison, who's going to get him as dope now? And seeing how they were communicating over cell phones, Josh, now that Tanya's in prison, who's going to watch him tug off on FaceTime? Yeah, good question.

I mean, I'm sure there's volunteers. Pen pals out there. This person here says, I don't want to give the name just in case they don't want it out. there, that their kid just went through the DARE program, and the kid saw his little pile of weed on the garage counter that he forgot and threatened to call the cops on his own dad. Oh, no. That's what I'm saying.

It reminds me of your mom almost turning on your dad. Oh, over the microwave? No, oh, was it a microwave? I thought it was a paint can. No, it was a microwave. Yeah, many years ago, my folks had this old, broken, disgusting microwave, and that house and my dad got tired of looking at it it was one of those deals where they stacked the new microwave on top of the old microwave just what the hell is this old one do so that was all my mom's

idea no no no i don't know why she did my dad finally said i'm tired of looking at this freaking stupid so he grabbed it up and he smashed it on top of the garbage and the garbage can and my mom said well that's illegal you can't throw a and he said i don't care i'm getting rid of this stupid bike and he's trying to smash it down and she says i'll call the police on you do you think she'd follow through oh absolutely she was a spicy lady oh she absolutely would have called the cops so my dad's getting he took it out of the garbage threw it to the garage son of a bitch is that something you had to get rid of then when you bought their house or was this good question was it still in there when we uh when we were cleaning out the house i don't remember

seeing it. But yeah, she was going to call the cops. This person said they used to sneak pills into jail in the double lining in the front of their boxers, worked every time. I thought it was kind of impossible to do that kind of thing. Apparently not. I thought they might have dogs or something. And apparently my mother also, my mother also threatened to call the cops on my dad for mowing the lawn with his shirt off. I could see your wife threatening that on you. He would ride, you know, he'd get on the riding lawnmower with the heater and his gap. and no shirt and just a little pair of, you know, little Larry Bird basketball shorts and just go out and mow the,

and my mom said, that's disgusting. It's wrong. You can't be with your shirt off. You can't do that. That's illegal. I know your wife is particular about lawn mowing and you having your shirt off. She doesn't like me having my shirt off. I don't know what the problem is.

I think I'm still getting it done in that department, Josh. I think so. Yeah, you always have. on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Come on. Did you hear the rumor, Josh? Did you hear the story that Kyler Murr is all set to go for this weekend's game against Tampa Bay?

That's pretty exciting. That's what I heard from deeply, deeply troubled head coach, Kelvin O'Connor. He said, Kyler Mur is all set to go. So, all right, fair enough. And then Kyler has cleared the final phase of the protocol, and he's doing great. He'll be cleared, and he will start this week against Tampa Bay. Boy, he wants out of here so badly.

You think so? Oh, he hates it here. I thought he liked it here. No, no, no, no. I don't like hearing that. I like this Kyler Murrah. I like watching him play. I didn't get the chance to see him in that Green Bay deal

because he only played for a couple minutes. I hadn't tuned in yet. I'm a fan. I'm a fan of this kid and how he operates. I'm with you. I thought the game started a little later. I thought it was, if I remember right, I thought it was like a 330 start, maybe it started at 3. And I tuned in like, he's already gone.

Yeah, through an interception. He was gone. I mean, I'm not saying it's going to mean wonderful, grand things for the Vikings to start Kyler Murrah as often as they can this football season. I'm just saying I like to watch the kid play. Mobile. He can get around a little bit. What do the kids say these days when they get excited? They say, let's get it started in here.

That's my motto. get it started. Yeah. It's this 25-year-old song. Uh-huh. Doesn't mean the kids aren't saying it. Let's get it started in here with this Kyler Murrah gimmick. Let's get us to last night on the latest edition of Monday Night Football, the Los Angeles

Rams quite handily beat the New York Giants. The Twins lost to the San Francisco Giants last night. Randy Shaver will be ducking in in about a half hour. Josh's news report is right around the corner. The 93X half-assed. Morning show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here.

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credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. 93X half-assed morning show. Last night, things crossed a line and not just by a little bit, by a lot of bit. A lot of bit, she says. Yeah, it was kind of cute. At the start of a milestone homecoming week, students at Albert Lee High School logged on from home yesterday. Instead of walking the halls, the fallout from a senior prank, police said, cross the line.

Oh, no. Shortly after midnight, an officer on patrol spotted a propped open door. Backup arrived to sweep the building for anyone still inside. They came up empty on people, but they hit the jackpot on one heck of a mess. The Albert Lee Police Department is calling it extensive vandalism inside and out. Investigators believe roughly two dozen students took part, leaving behind a slick, sticky, egg and paint splattered trail. Eggs, toilet paper, paint balls, soap, baby oil, and other slippery substances, coated surfaces and door handles, out the building.

I thought kids usually waited for the ass end of the school year for the senior prank. Maybe they're setting it up for, hey, you think this is bad. Wait till the end of the year. They soaked and greased everything up. Everything. Inside, outside. That's doing way too much. It's not funny.

Somebody did that at our high school. I want to hear the rest of it. The stairs and somebody got really, really hurt. I want to hear the rest of it before I figure out before I decide if it's funny or not. What else did they do? Pigs blood, hog blood, cow blood. Really? Human blood? No, none of that.

Oh. The scene looked like something out of an 80s frat comedy, and it was enough to force the school to close and shift to e-learning for the day. Clean-up, though, was a full community effort. They came together, and a soapy one at that. Adorable. Yeah, they brought the town together. They did. They did.

It's like, again, an 80s movie. More than 50 staff members teamed up with administrative and custodial crews to scrub the interior while local business GT windows and doors, power wash the outside. The district superintendent called it disappointing as a way to start the school's 100th annual homecoming week. That's what they were celebrating. But they confirmed the building is now clean, secure, and ready to welcome students back in person today. Should they have some suspects lined up? I'd imagine by now, right? You know how it goes? They do something like this and then they post it on social media. Right. Look what we did. I wonder what kind of consequences they're going to have.

I know that expulsion. I don't know if they'll go that far. Double expulsion. I know that we were always threatened with like the you won't be able to walk at graduation. Same here. But you can't really, I mean, that's like a. Like they'll break your legs? Oh.

They just kneecap it. How crazy. You'll be able to walk again. That's what they meant the whole time. We'll take you to the basement. Well, that sounds like a hell of a. mess, Cubby. Quite a pain. What did you guys do at your school at the Catholic school? Nothing? One of you show up with your tie slightly loosened or something like that?

We forgot. We pretended we didn't know a verse of the Bible. I don't know that one. Yeah, I can't remember any real big prank. He was pretty mild. There was a huge one the year before I went into high school. Somebody had like a military grade smoke bomb and lit it off inside the high school. Holy crap. Yeah, they classified it as like a terrorist. threat and all that, the person that was responsible ended up going to jail. Wow. Well, we had. That was worth it, I'm sure.

Well, I mean, and then you have the poor special ed department having to evacuate those kids and they're like breathing in all this smoke. Somebody could have died easily. It was bad. When it came time for our senior prank, Josh, you had to keep an eye on this one set, a twin brothers that I went to school with, Lamangelo and Orangelo. Oh, gosh. They always had great eyes.

They went to our school for a little bit, too. I never met them, but I was told. I remember them. They had the, you know, they did the three pigs deal where you set two pigs loose in the school. One of them, you put a one on its side, the other one you put a three. Yep. So the school spent the whole day looking for that second pig. I like when they've done the cow because they can't go downstairs.

Yeah, La Mangello and Orangelo did the cow bit too. They were troublemakers. Every school, it seems like, they went. They went to a lot of school. They really did. This reminds me a shout-out to the Hill Murray custodial crew. Met some of those guys on the boat Friday night. A lot of fun to hang out with.

Fancy, schmancy. I know, that's what I thought. They're just finding loose diamonds everywhere. Homecoming season is apparently getting a little too close to a crappy situation in Illinois, too, because police have seized hundreds of rolls of toilet paper in a crackdown on high school vandalism. officers and a canine with the Plainfield Police Department posed with 650 confiscated roles on social media to demonstrate how seriously the department is taking high school homecoming pranks.

What we are seeing this week has gone well beyond harmless pranks, the department posted on Wednesday. I mean, this would be a gold mine back in the pandemic, all that toilet paper. You'd wonder how they get their hands on that. Oh, my goodness, yeah. There's people stealing it from here. What are there really?

Yeah. Yeah. That issue of memo, can we please stop stealing the toilet paper from work? I thought about it, but it's like one ply. You know about the ball issues on this show. They need it in the mornings. Yeah, and it was, you're right, the toilet paper here is pretty bad. It's more just of a shadow of real toilet paper.

It's so bad, dude. You can see through it. There was like a, just real quick, there was like a weird month there where for some reason there was really good toilet paper in the woman's bathroom. I don't know what happened. Like maybe they accidentally ordered the boogey stuff. And I thought, well, look at this place. You know, we can't get good equipment, but at least we have good toilet paper.

But we're back on the crappy stuff. Ah, you know why our GM used to be a woman and used that bathroom? That's not the case anymore. Ah, yeah. But, Josh, haven't you said before that you basically use the cheapest ass wipe available in your own home? I do, yeah. And it just troubles me to no end. I mean, you're literally like throwing it away.

I'm fine with it. But we have nice guest bathroom toilet paper. As nice as you can get. But you put your little bottom through absolute hell just to save 35 cents? I haven't deserved good toilet paper. Oh. I'm not the type of person that deserves it. It's that gimmick again, where you hate yourself.

Truly. Yeah. The seizure was part of Operation Clean Sweep, run by the department's self-styled joint bathroom task force, they called it. That's according to the department's social media. An officer celebrated busting what they called a, quote, major two-ply trafficking ring. Behind the jokes is a real problem, they said. The department logged more than 10 calls for juvenile-related complaints between 7.15 and 9.15 p.m. last Monday and Tuesday alone. Residents said their homes and vehicles were pelted with ketchup, eggs, laundry detergent pods, and toilet paper.

What neighborhood was this? This was in Illinois, Plainfield. Oh, wait. Do laundry detergent pods explode when you throw them at stuff? I never thought that sounds fun. I've never thrown one. I can tell you about some old school vandalism tricks, but I don't know Dick Tracy about laundry pods. It doesn't seem like they would.

That's a tough skin they got on the outside, but there's one way to find out. I got some at home. I'll let you guys know. Police say the perpetrators weren't exactly sneaking around either. 20 to 25 people wearing hoodies and ski masks will pull up, as the kids say, simultaneously in multiple vehicles and cause chaos, the department said. And they wanted to head off the inevitable criticism before it started. Before the, don't you have anything better to do, comments start rolling in?

We also assisted playing field fire with a structural fire, assisted the Illinois State Police, made a DUI arrest, assisted a family experiencing a mental health crisis, and handled crashes, intoxicated subject calls, violations of orders of protection and more, they wrote. So get off our back. In short, we do have better things to do. You guys are pretty full of themselves.

Well, they just are saying, yeah, we do stuff. Just leave us alone. So please be respectful of your community and let us, they said. The officers concluded the post by clarifying they're not trying to be homecoming kill Joyce. They know the traditions and they want students to have a good week, but their closing message read, have fun, make memories, but do it with respect.

Make memories. Respect. When standard horn honking lacks the necessary dramatic flare, nothing says handled that like a grown-up, quite like pointing a gun at children. A Chanhassen driver managed to earn himself a trip to jail last week after allegedly whipping out a handgun and aiming it at a fellow driver with two kids sitting in the car.

The Carver County Sheriff's Office said a call came in about 3.40 p.m. Thursday, a weapons complaint. when a deputy arrived, the driver who called in laid out what happened. According to the account, the other driver started tailgating, then threw up a middle finger for good measure. Uh-oh. That wasn't the end of it. Then the man allegedly gave up on bumper to bumper and escalated to barrel to window. Police say he pulled up alongside the vehicle, flashed a gun, and pointed it out the window at the driver and the two children inside.

Luckily, the victim had the presence of mind to write down the suspect's license plate number while dodging the local tough guy. That tip led deputies straight to his front door where they waited until he got home from his day of alleged douchebaggery and welcomed him home with some police jewelry. The man's now sitting in the Carver County Detention Center facing pending charges of second-degree assault and threats of violence. This story reminds me. I was going to mention this to you guys today. Yesterday I had my son in the back seat in my car and we were at a stoplight and there was a truck behind me. But I'd like, you know, turn around for a little bit just to like mess with them and be like, oh, hey, I'm right here. What's up? And the guy of the truck thought I was like talking to him, like talking smack or something.

I looked at his truck and he throws his hands up. Like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, no, I'm like trying to point like, no, there's a baby back here. I'm not just cussing you out at a red light, I promise. Did he figure it out? Yeah, I think so because he seemed kind of like, oh, I'm not mad anymore. I thought you were going to say the guy thought you were flirting with him. Oh, hey, what up?

Hey. That's a nice truck you got there. Baby talk. There is a sticker you can put into your window to where folks will know who they're dealing with, you know. I've seen those more. They went away for a while. The baby on boards? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Me and my husband tried to look for like a cute, different gimmicky one, And we couldn't find one that we liked. Like sex trophy or something like that? Sex trophy on board. A local criminal demonstrated yesterday he has no respect for Minnesota law enforcement or American muscle. And both deserve a lot more respect. A Blaine officer is recovering after a driver under investigation for impaired driving sped off with the officer partially inside the car.

Dragging him before flinging him to the pavement and flipping the vehicle. a parking lot. It started as a routine call. How the hell did he flip his vehicle in the parking? I got to hear that. Officers were sent to a reported property damage crash at 2.32 p.m. When the officer first arrived, witness described the driver, excuse me, the driver of driving an older model Corvette. He'd previously been driving recklessly right before the attack, the wreck, they said. The officer immediately picked up on signs of possible impairment and from there, things got considerably more plain. As the investigation continued, the driver started walking back to his car, told to stop. He sped up instead, climbing back into his vehicle.

The officer moved in to pull him out, but the driver threw the car in reverse with the officer still half in the car. Witness said the Corvette rocketed backwards, slammed to a stop, then lurched forward at high speed, providing the officer with a very abrupt dismount. after the cop got an unwanted and unexpected trip through the air, the vehicle kept going, careening through the lot before crashing into a retaining wall and rolling over. Back up poured in from across the area. Officers from Blaine, Fridley, Spring Lake Park, the Minnesota State Patrol and the Anoka County Sheriff's Office all responded and helped take the driver into custody.

That's terrifying. All of them rolling up on you? Yeah, I'm sure he thought, I'm done. Yep. Both the officer and the driver were rushed to a local hospital. the cop was treated and able to be released shortly after. The driver was booked into the Anoka County Jail. My buddy Taco in high school managed to roll his Chevy Blazer in the high school parking lot because he was pulling out and reversing too quickly and jammed the wheel and rolled it.

And his claim was, the wind took it. It wasn't my fault. The wind took it. Well, his name is Taco. We all know the role that wind can play. Was it a tornado? Is that what they called it? No, guys, it wasn't my fault.

The wind took it. It was an EO4 and it knocked my mini-Cooper on its butt. Power can be intoxicating for a politician. Oh, you ain't kidding, Cubby. But one Minnesota candidate allegedly skipped the metaphor and went straight for the real thing. A 38-year-old running for an at-large city council seat is accused of driving drunk into oncoming traffic last week. into oncoming traffic. Before refusing to take a breath test when police caught up with her.

According to the criminal complaint, an Oak Park Heights officer spotted her vehicle, swinging wide into oncoming traffic just after midnight last Monday. Once pulled over, the candidate was showing some pretty conspicuous signs of being less than road-ready. Her pupils dilated, eyes, bloodshot, and she had a noticeable slur. She first claimed she hadn't been drinking at all, then she walked that back and admitted to maybe one shot. It must have been a hefty poor

because she allegedly failed a field sobriety test on the spot, and when it came time for the breath test, she's likely married because she refused to blow. To round out the traffic stop, police say she couldn't, I got permission for my wife to use that joke, by the way. Of course you did. If you were mad, I asked her, is that offensive? And she said, no.

That does make it okay. It's a common joke. You little sweetheart, do you? I even asked the boss. He said it's fine. These are both true stories. To round out the traffic stop, police said, she couldn't produce proof of insurance and instead appeared to be scrambling to sign up for a policy on her phone right there on the roadside. Ah, crap, I'll figure this out. Whatever her platform is, learning from past mistakes might not be part of it. Court records indicate she may be notoriously bad at getting away with drunk driving as she boasts prior arrests for driving while impaired

the most recent occurring just a few years ago. No, she's got my vote. She likes to party. You just don't get behind the wheel. Get an Uber subscription. Tonight on Fox and Hulu, the third season premiere of Doc. Here we go again with some birthday shoutouts. Deep Purple and White Snake legend, David Coverdale 75.

Didn't he something? He's a genius and a legend and very handsome. Happy 39th to Do I have a Jesus named Jesus? Hope your first day of falls a good one, and that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. And then Kyla has cleared the final phase of the protocol, and he's doing great.

He'll be cleared, and he will start this week against Tampa Bay. Yeah, and you sound so pumped about that, Kelvin O'Connor. You really do. All right. What did I find out here a minute? Just so you know, I can't hear any of the other audio that happens during this show. Oh, no, that's the way we have it set up. Yeah, we want to leave you in the dark.

We play some insulting stuff. Yeah. Well, that makes sense. We just want to see if you're able to play along. without any idea what's happening with you? And you're doing fine. You've got to hit the number three, Dana. Now I hear myself.

Okay, now what? Now what are you doing it? That's what happened when I hit number three. He started hearing himself. No, you got to do it on the other faders. Yeah. We love working this stuff out on the air. That'll say, hey, send this to Randy.

See, Willie Miles is on his way to the studio as we speak. Let's find out what's happening with the ass man. What's on your mind today, Randy Schaever. What you missed there was Kelvin O'Connor. Trouble. troubled Vikings head coach Kelvin O'Connor mentioning that Kyler Murrow will be ready for Sunday's game against Tampa Bay.

You know what? I think that's good news. I want to see how Kyler Murray plays in this offense. And I think that the fact that Carson Wentz did his job over the first two weeks is encouraging for this Vikings team. But I

am actually excited to see what Kyler Murray can do. Yeah, we talked a little bit about it. We talked a little bit about it earlier. I mean, I enjoy watching the kid play. Oh, he's fun. And I'll repeat this. I'm not saying this is the answer or this is the guy that's going to bring them to great things. I'm just saying I enjoy watching him run around with the football. Right. And we never, and we obviously didn't get a chance to see any of that in week one because he was hurt like 10 plays into the game and didn't get to see that. But, you know,

this week will be a different story and we'll get a chance. Hopefully he'll be in there a little bit longer that he was this time. And he's playing a Tampa Bay team that has struggled mightily, offensively, so far this year. So it's a very winnable game on Sunday. My homeboy Baker Mayfield not having the greatest. So this is like a do-or-die thing already for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Well, I wouldn't say do-or-die, but in the division that they're in, which is a lot weaker than most other divisions.

in the NFC, you could probably, I mean, 500 in that division has been good enough to make the playoff. Nobody wants to go 0 and 3. No, for sure. But I'm just saying, I, you know, I think you can survive in that division, even though you start 0 and 3. Although I said this yesterday and I'll say it again, I think Carolina is much improved, both offensively and defensively.

And New Orleans is real. That Tyler Shuck is really a good quarterback. I've got to see him perform just yet. There are two teams in that, in that NFC South, that are better than what we probably think they are. All right. This is perfect timing now. See Willie Miles has just rested his carcass here live in studio. Hello, Willie.

Good morning. Got a little caught up in traffic. Did the traffic hold you back a little bit? Yeah, you know, and you leave your house and then there's a detour. Yeah. Then you already know how to get around the detour. And then they detour that detour. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I got caught up in this morning. That's the worst. You end up in a neighborhood you've never been in before. Right. Well, I would turn left and go, okay, I'm going to go down this way because they opened up the ramp and I thought the other detour was still open. Went down that way now. That's closed now.

It's like, you know what? Y'all got it. Y'all tripping. Well, you made it. You made it. Everybody, I'll agree with you. Everybody tripping. Yeah.

Everybody would be tripping. But you made it, and that's all that counts. This is perfect timing because we can continue. on. We'll get back to some more NFL stuff here in a minute or two. We can continue on with something for all of us over the hill, sagging, broken down old ex-athletes. Something for that crowd. And this gimmick seems to be more and more common these days. Part of me thinks it's kind of cute, but I also think that these characters need to let it go and stop bothering kids more than half their age.

Another one of these, here's a 48-year-old guy, wife, three kids playing college football. And Josh, I know this isn't just a liquor talking. We seem to have a fresh story like this every couple of months. Yeah, a couple weeks ago, I think we talked about it. It's become a trendy thing for these old broken down. Last year, there was a kicker maybe who was darn near 50, if I remember, right? talked about something like that.

This is out there in California. The old man recently made his college football debut at 48 years old with a team called, okay, you're probably not going to see them come bowl season, but he's playing for a school called the San Jose City College Jaguars. Okay. It's been 30 years since he last played football. His name is Justin. Ooh.

Justin Buzzard. Buzzard. Ooh. Not bad. Jay Buzz. I bet the kids on the team will likely call him. Jay Buzz. They'll call him Jay Buzz.

And you know what that'll do, Josh? That'll make the dude feel like he's being accepted by the young fellas. But behind his back, they're laughing at his old ass and they wish he would go home. They're going to make fun of him. I'm certain of that. They're going to call him Jay Buzz and he's going to feel like, okay, I'm accepted by the kids. They don't want him there. I promise you that.

Yeah, they're in a text chain where it's nothing but ripping this guy. Mems back and forth. Jay Buzz, here's how it all started. He reached out to the coaches at San Jose City College. Guys, you're probably 15 years younger than he is. He reached out to the coaches to see if they could use another player on the defensive side of the football. They said yes, he tried out, he made the team. And by the way, that meant he had to.

sign up for classes at the school. Oh, that sucks. 100%. That blows. Well, but that's part of it, though. Yeah, but it totally blows. So now this guy's sitting in a classroom with a bunch of 19-year-olds? Right. Well, keep in mind, like, I took

fitness walking at a college like that. Okay. So there's, like, I also took a class on how to rebuild an alternator. So there's some stuff that's kind of fun. There are some garbage courses that he can take? Yeah, classes that would be kind of And don't keep me wrong, if you're an older person and you want to get an education to help you land a better career, I'm all for that.

But this guy's sitting in a classroom full of 19-year-old solely so he can play football. It just seems so sad to me. Freshmen are like, hey, can you buy his beer, dude? Would you buy beer for the young kids? I wouldn't. No, that is a bad call. It was weird. I would do it when I was underage.

had a fake ID, but once I was actually 21, I refused to do it. I realized a lot. There's not real logic there, but for some reason, see no, there's logic there. That's when you get in real trouble. Yeah, okay. We're 18 or over? It's called a hypocrite. That's the word. I told you before when I turned 21, one of my best friends' younger brothers, who I really liked, was on my case about buying him hooch and beer for his high school beer parties. And I was all about it. I was happy to be that

guy. And I bought him a bunch of booze and a bunch of beer. And then I saw how he operated when drunk. And I never did it again. It scared the hell out of me. He was an idiot, an absolute idiot. And I said, sorry, brother, I'm never doing that again. Not until I see that you can, I never went back to that game. So anyway, this old 48-year-old college football player, Jay Buzz, he's got an annoying motto too. Josh, what's your motto? Do you walk around town with a motto? I've always liked he who smelt it, dealt it. Yeah.

Dude has a motto, and it's obnoxious. He said, if you're not risking, you're rusting. Shut up, dude. Nice. Nice. He figured that out at 48. Yeah. So apparently, Mr. Buzzhard here is the oldest act.

active college football player today. He's got a wife. Ooh, and I'm sure she's pumped, right? Yeah. Sure, she's thrilled. This guy's going to come home, just beat to piss. Right.

He's never home, by the way. He's at practice or he's at class like he's 20 years old all over again. He probably vapes too now. Just to fit in. Maybe he has that broccoli haircut, just like every other living. young man on earth between 15 and 24 years old.

It is crazy how popular they all have the same haircut. I was telling Nick off the year when I go pick up my son from school or after football practice, I have to ask my wife, wait, is that him? Right. They legitimately look, they have the same body type, say, haircut. Not only do they have the same hairdo and the same body type, they all dress alike. Exactly alike. It's like a series of clones.

Yeah. Right. Dude's probably got the hilarious top gun mustache too because he's got to fit in with the young kids with the, so anyway, I want to be happy for the guy, but I'm also kind of aggravated. Like, come on, bro. I mean, I think those movies back in the day, like unnecessary roughness, remember that more? Yeah. Scott Bacula. Yeah.

That ruined it. You know, you can't go back. No, you can't go back for that, man. You just let it go. You look silly. Yeah, let it go. You look silly. You're embarrassing yourself.

You're right, though, Nick. I can't imagine there's many people on that team that are excited about this. You know, you're a 19-year-old guy, right? You know you're not D-1 material. So you go to play, you want to play a little bit more football. You go to San Jose City College. And a 48-year-old man is taking your position out on the field. Or he beat you out.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, beat out. That's exactly what I'm saying. You can't get on the field because of somebody's dad is out there. Right. Get out of here. Like, dude, go back to work. Yeah.

What are you doing? Oh, necessary roughness. Also, one of your buddies was... Sinbad. Sinbad was in the movie. I have to say, see William Miles, I hope you don't mind because your friends was Sinbad, but that movie absolutely sucks eggs. Oh, it was terrible.

I like Sinbad. I do, too. Sinbad made a lot of trash movies. He'll tell you that. Jingle all the F-Me way. He wasn't doing it for the art. He was doing it for the paycheck, maybe? Be-check, baby.

Be-check. Every time someone says jingle all the way, my skin crawls. He said he never accepted an award before he's acting. And if they offered what he knew, they were just messing with. See, Willie Miles, Randy Schaber, go back to when you were 48. Okay. Do you think you still could have started? I was in phenomenal shape at 48.

I was too much. Now, shape is one thing, though. No, I was in the best shape of my life at 48. mean cardio and everything. Everything. Okay, so you think you could start for a D3 college football program when you were... No, no. But I was in the best shape of the way.

Okay. I look, I could have been on the team and looked really good, but I would not want to get hit. You know what I mean? Yeah, you forget what that feels like. I was still lifting. I was still running, you know, and I had quit everything, like flag football. like I just gave that up. I really got into golf by the time I was 48 years old

and stayed away from contact sport. But I looked like I could still play. It's the cardio that would have killed me. Oh, the backing up. I have zero cardio. I would have popped all, both of my hamstrings and my Achilles. Pardon me? What happened?

I would have backed up. If I would have started backing up, I was a defensive back. And if I had backed up and stopped hard one time, pop both hamstrings. Both of them. Caleb Williams. Oh, yeah. It would have been like snap, snap, bing, bing. It's the cardio that I'm impressed by guys who are, or gals who are in their late 40s,

into their 50s who still have cardio strength. That throws me. I have nothing, nothing. I still have good cardio. I used to run. I still ran when I was 48. That's impressive. Yeah.

Nick and I know you played beer league up until when. I remember you're saying I can't keep up with the kids in. When I hit 40, when I hit 40, I, I don't. We closed down the, I closed down hockey and softball. I couldn't do it anymore. Just my legs just couldn't carry me anymore. So 40 was when I retired. That was about the time I did.

When I started waking up in the morning and it was like, ha ha ha. And one of my oldest pals still goes out, well, I got a couple of pals. My age, who still go out and play beer league hockey. One of them showed me some pictures. So he gets on the ice with his two sons and plays a little beer league hockey. He showed me a picture. of him on the ice. His wife took like some action shots

because she thought it would be hilarious, I'm sure. So there's a shot of him on the ice kind of like playing on a line with both of his sons. He's got action shots. It's a racing down the ice. It was. And they had a good time. But my pal looked like a dead body wrapped in hockey equipment.

Just the gray and the wrinkles and the gaunt shape of his face. It looked like they propped up a dead guy and put some CCM equipment on him. But he got it done. I'll give him credit. He said he was gassed as all hell. He got it done.

If you can still get around, run, jog, you got me beat. I can barely cross the friggin' room. My wind, I run out of wind right away. Oh, here's a listener with a question. Does smoking two packs a day count as cardio? Well, it's on how fast I guess.

It's giving your heart and lungs a different kind of a workout. It is. I'm going to call it, yeah. You're breathing. You guys should have been there to see the rage in my brother's eyes a number of years ago. My brother is a power lifter. He still does it damn near every day. He's going to end up in a wheelchair in a matter of weeks.

I know it because he just, He can't slow down. His shoulders are done. His knees are gone. He needs replacement from his power lifting, but he can't let it go. So he's always been the type to keep himself blown up, right? So I don't know. I'm going to go ahead and say this was 15 or so years ago.

My dad went in for a physical, a guy who two packs a cigarettes a day easy. You know, sure, active to the point of where he still did his own yard work, but that's it, right? Right. You're typical older, older guy. Smokes a lot of cigarettes, drinks a lot of beer, and that's about his existence. My dad goes in for a physical, and he came back to the house to tell my brother and I about it. And true story, the doctor tested my dad for this and that, and he said, you know, you're in pretty good shape for your age. Do you work out?

And when my brother said that, or pardon me, when my dad said that, my brother just was. beside himself. Like, they really asked you that question in your friggin' shape? Do you work out? He never had in his entire life. With a straight face? Yeah. Send you a doctor video.

Maybe the doctor says that just to make the patient feel better. That could be. I mean, I don't think that's beyond comprehension. No, of course. The doctor would do that. He might have just been being nice. But it pissed off my brother because he worked out Every single day.

Maybe it was a reverse psychology, too. Right. He thinks he works out, and he's like, maybe I should work out. That could be. Last night, the Los Angeles Rams quite handily, defeated the New York Giants 28 to 6. New York's quarterback, Jack Dart. He fell down. Yeah, again.

It might have been a different game if he had stayed healthy. Is he all done, or what's wrong with him? Well, he's hurt. Don't know the exact thing. Okay. extent of it, but he could be out for a while. There's a social post going around of an assistant coach telling John Harbaugh four to six weeks on the injury in Jackson Darts.

A lot of quarterbacks getting mangled. Three of them went down early this week. Let me tell you one more thing about last night's game. Then we'll get to these injured quarterbacks. This guy's still upright and active, and I think he's 40 now. Matthew Stafford. We talked a little bit about him yesterday. He played what played well last night.

Matthew Stafford passed Phil River last night for sole possession of sixth place on the NFL's career passing touchdown list. He threw a touchdown pass last night, which made for his 426th career regular season touchdown pass. He now only trails the lunatic, Drew Breeze, Peyton's Manning, Karen, and Brent. on the all-time list. And the way they printed this out, this article, they made it sound like he has a chance to pass them all, which he won't. No, he's like 200 behind Tom Brady.

The lunatic, Drew Brees, Peyton's Manning, Karen, and Brent. Yeah. He might get to, if he plays one more year, he'd get past Brett Farr, but I don't think he will. These old guys need to leave the league, man.

They need to stop. All the old guys need to get out. Yeah, him and Ryan. They need to just let the tent down. Just go. Well, Karen is, from what I understand, Karen's just been awful. And he makes all of us very happy. He got folded in half.

Good. Yeah. Good. The guy's a douchebag. And honestly, Stafford is the last guy that has a chance to reach any of these quarterbacks and those in the top five for, I don't know, forever. Because if you look down the list, Nick, I mean, Joe Montana's in 20th place with 273, and there's no other active quarterback even on this list.

Okay. Got you. So Stafford's the last remaining guy to maybe reach 500 touchdown passes, which Farr is number five on the list at 508. You want to talk about old quarterbacks? I mean, Stafford still makes it look good. He does. Karen looks absolutely hopeless. Yes, he does. Well, they design a really nice offense around Stafford, the way he plays, which is really, really nice because obviously the guy can't.

Well, and look at the tools around Stafford. Look at the group around Rogers at Pittsburgh. I mean, that's a bad, bad group. I think they're trying to kill them. They're trying to get rid of him. Chicago Bears quarterback Caleb Willem. I think we're all surprised that this wasn't worse. He's going to play maybe this week.

That's a right hamstring injury. Well, I mean, his coach said this and that. I mean, who knows? But he's weak to weak. The interesting twist on this Jaden Daniels injury, I thought this video was kind of interesting. A couple of websites threw this our way yesterday. Washington Commodore's quarterback Jaden Daniels suffered a dislocated elbow against the Cowboys on Sunday.

It was the reaction of his. teammates that has people talking on the godless soulless and wildly misinformed social media. Yeah. His teammates didn't seem to give a pump. No, they just walked away from him. His left arm basically fell off. Wow. He's laid out on the field.

It was the end of the first half when this happened. And a lot of folks noticed that his offensive line, specifically his offensive line seemed totally unbothered that their starting quarterback was laying there in insignificant pain and stayed down. They just walked away. One of them maybe looked back like, oh, is he still down? And they just walked away. People noted that only the backup old Vernon Haven Camp, what the hell's the name of that?

No, you got it. Marcus Marriota? Yeah, Marcus Merritt. Vernon Hammond Camp. Only Haven Camp took a knee and. stayed on the field until Daniels was up again. So a lot of people are wondering, does everyone hate his guts?

Does his teammates just think this guy's a puk or what? The rest of the boys just headed straight for the locker room. It did appear that they didn't care at all. That's a bad sign. Yeah. Well, I can tell you one thing about a lot of players are pretty queasy about injuries. Yeah.

Like they were a lot of guys. don't like to look. Well, yeah, but I get what you're saying, but I'm just saying a lot of some of that is. Yeah, that might be true. Some of them are really queasy because they know it could happen to any of them at any time. They just don't want to look. They don't want to look. No, they just don't.

I understand that, but that's not what it appeared to be. It's not normal. I mean, you got to care about your teammate. I remember on the bench playing hockey as a kid, one dude got his arm skated over. Yeah. Skate blade went right across his forearm and he was already bleeding quite profusely through his sweater. And we were wearing our whites that night, so it was very obvious this kid had a hell of a cut on his forearm. And the coach is like, let me take a look, let me take a look. Other kid on the bench, another kid down the bench says, no, no, don't do it, I'll puke, I'll puke, don't do it, don't do it.

Sure as hell, when the kid pulled his sleeve back and we saw that gash, dude, like the new guy in the corner. her, Prerp. Threw up all over the sight of blood made him instantly throw up. I've seen a grown man can't even pick up dog poop. Oh, really? No, I've just said. Some people are queasy about looking.

Blood or, you know, a broken bone or something dislocation. If you can't pick up dog poop, how do you take care of a baby? If you don't. If you had a child, Jesus. I don't know. I mean, that's all they do. Baby, yeah. You see those clips.

And guys go, oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. And they've run away. They've got, I can't, I can't. Oh, for sure. I've often wondered how you guys can handle all that baby feces all over you. I could never do it. It's part of the deal, man. Oh, this is interesting.

A listener texted in to say that Jaden Daniel's mother ordered all of the offensive linemen to stay away from her son. Missing accomplished. She has that rumor, right, that she's kind of a pain. Oh, yeah. All right, what do you make of this silliness? This is a circus side show type gimmick. But they're trying to promote a ball game.

The New England Patriots announced that as a way of promoting their November 15th game against the Detroit Lions in Munich, Germany. The Patriots are trying to promote this game, November 15th, against the lions in Munich, Germany. They're going to send former kicker Adam Vinatari up into the peaks of the Swiss Alps to attempt the highest elevation field goal. Oh, come on.

Well, first of all, the guy's been retired for every reason. It was just inducted, was he not? Yeah. To the Hall of Fame. Right. Now he's a Hall of Famer. I missed that. Why make the poor guy go to the Swiss Alps?

I don't know. Why has he agreed to this? And they must be handing him $17 million or something for this. is just stupid. They're going to prop his old ass and some goalposts up in the mountains, the Swiss Alps. 35 below zero and mountain goats and polar bears. For what for? I mean, I get, for what?

They're trying to go into the Guinness World Record Book, Willie, for the highest elevation field goal since the dawn of time. And what if he misses it? Who effing cares? Just don't even watch this. It's so dumb. You just went into the Hall of Fame, sir. You're not a clown. Don't do circus tricks.

You don't have to do that. No, you don't. You got that jacket. It's going to turn out to be like that movie alive. Right. The plane's going to go down and eat each other's ass cheeks to survive. Frozen ass cheek meat. Now I've got to talk about that movie again.

Now, alive again, is a good movie. Nighting three. Great movie. Ethan Hawk. But there is a. just a unbelievable. It's called, I believe, the Society of the Snow,

and I've pushed this movie on this program a few times. There's a modern retelling of that legendary, awful Uruguayan rugby team whose plane went down in the Andes in 1972, and they had to survive by eating each other.

The modern retelling of that story called The Society of the Snow is one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. It's dark. It's much more. true to the real story. It's horrible, but yet at the same time,

triumphant, Cubby. It ends well. For some of them. Yeah, some of them, not so well. Like the ones that were eaten. Well, it ended well for all of them, because the one who survived ate the ones who didn't. And so they lived on inside.

That's a good way to look at it. I'll carry you with me always. I mean, technically, they turned into poop, Willie. Yeah, well, a lot of things do. You know what, Dana? You didn't have to say that. Yeah, Dana. It was a good story. Society of the Snow. Watch that movie.

It's on Netflix. It is so frigging good. Is it? I'm going to check it out. Here's some more high school football jibber-jabber. And there have been some interesting stories so far this season. Yesterday we talked about a herpes outbreak that has crippled an entire high school football team. Poor kids had to cancel the game because every damn last one of them up than

caught herpes. This year comes from a website called Outkick Sports. I'm not sure that I had heard of them before, but that has nothing to do with where them. They say an entire California high school football team got themselves suspended for one game

because their team mascot made an obscene gesture to the opposite club's bleachers during their prior ball game. Oh, that's unfortunate. They call them themselves Victor Valley High School. And when I say the entire team was suspended, I mean top to bottom, son, players, coaches every damn last one of them. They're not allowed to take the field

for a week. The principal said, you're all gone. So during their last ballgame, their mascot, who I believe is an adorable jackrabbit, the Victor Valley High School Jackrabbits, the mascot dumped the old stone cold salute on the opposite club's cheering section, the double bird, the double middle finger, however you want to say it. So obviously there must have been more to the story seeing how all the coaches were also suspended. Maybe they put Jerry the Jack Rabbit up to the double bird finger routine. I don't know. They said there was a big rivalry. Big rivalry. So maybe. They said that despite, despite is in the word, a sudden. from the mascot, given the opposite

parents and fans the double bird, they said there was a lot of jaw jacking and a lot of trash talking from players and coaches during that ball game. So they all got to sit out a week. That'd be embarrassing if you're a 57-year-old head coach. Oh, big time.

The principal of the school, again, Victor Valley High, he said members of our football team behaved in an unsportsman-like manner towards the opposing team and its fans, including offensive gestures, offensive gestures and language. As a result, the varsity football players

and coaching staff are suspended for football from football activities for one week. So long, suckers, he said. Everybody was acting up. The whole squad. Mm-hmm. From cradle to grave. That's right.

Get out of here. Oh. things can get out of hand at high school sporting events these days. We all know that. All right, Randy. Are you ready to talk about hockey? Oh, my God, not already. Willie Miles doesn't want to talk about hockey.

It can't be. I've been waiting for three weeks. Didn't the season just end three weeks ago? Right. It was relatively recent. Literally, I thought they were still playing. The pigs are playing pre-season games, practice games. No.

Burn had two of them. Played two of them. My God. Did you see what happened the pig's pre-season opener? Now, first of all, I'm not going to see what happened. So can anybody even see what happened? Where are they even on TV? Oh, I don't follow that.

I'm not going to watch a practice game of any style. Right. I don't watch pre-season anything. I don't believe in it. I believe that one thing I do believe in is it should, be free to the public. 100%. You should be able to go to any preseason football, hockey, basketball.

It should be free. Yes. And when you get there, beer and concessions should also be free. You pay enough of a ticket. It's a glorified practice. It's a joke. I hate preseason. Randy Shaver, I'm not about ready to tell you about a line change or a power play.

Or an empty netter. No. Okay. This was part of the between period entertainment. The festivities. The festivities. During the Pigs preseason opener against the Chicago Blackhawks or somebody, a dude, a local dude named Colin was selected from the stands, we're supposed to believe that

part of it, was selected from the stands to participate in the team's shoot-for-season tickets contest. They had the shooter-tutor out there where they just have one puck-sized opening in the five-hole area. And this dude got it done. Colin is now the newest pig season ticket holder. My God, the crowd went wild. People are loving his celebration, too.

He went wild. What's the five hole? Between the legs. Oh, so dead center. Yeah. You got any cute comments about the five hole? Now that you know where it is? No.

I don't really. I only mess with one hole. I mean, and I don't know, I always, I always think there's something slightly shady going on when they do this at any arena. It's almost a sure thing. If you find yourself at Center Ice taking that shot at the shooter, tutor for season tickets or a million dollars or whatever it is, it's almost a sure thing that that that individual looks like they've played quite a bit of hockey. Right. That's where I get a little, I get a little iffy about that. that kind of a thing. I'm two for two on those shots on net on college

hockey games. And you played hockey? No, I didn't play hockey. No. I've been on skates twice in my life, Willie. Oh, my God. One of them was for free rent at Mariucci. I lived at this building on campus and they had a drawing, you know, come out and shoot a puck for free rent. And that one was definitely

rigged because there was no shooter tutor. Empty net and they gave me five pucks from the closest blue line. What? They wanted to do like a whole marketing campaign. Like, look at this guy. He won free rent. Be like him. Come live in this building. Were there people in the crowd just looking at you as if they were saying, what kind of a setup is this?

I know, right? From the nearest blue line. With just an empty net. And had five pucks. Okay, that's a friggin, that's ridiculous. But here's the funny part. The very next weekend, I was back up in St. Cloud State to hang out with my old husky buddies and watch a game.

This was legit. Yeah. And I, for the one for free rent, I didn't have a single beer beforehand. I knew I needed to nail this because, you know, that's a lot of money. God dang, yeah, that's a lot of money. I'm up in St. Cloud State, and, you know, we do what we do in St. Cloud State, and they come up to the dog found, they say, hey, we need somebody to go shoot a puck for the intermission thing. And I'm like, oh, pick me, pick me!

And they're like, they look at my friend, they're like, can he walk? And they're like, yeah, I've seen him worse. He'll be fine. So I go out there, and it's a full ice shot with the, what do you call it, the Tudor Pooter? Yeah, yeah. The cooter. Yeah. Computer.

And so I just just let it rip. And sure enough, bounce, bounce, bounce, slides right in between, right in the five hole. You lucky prick. And I'm going crazy. I'm going wild. And then I get off the ice. I'm like, what do I win? They go, here's a coupon for a free Domino's pizza.

Hey, that's pretty cool. But blue line, five pucks. You should have won a half a million dollars at St. Cloud State. Right. Like 12 grand in free rent. And then full ice. whole free domino's pizza. Wow. Well, that's St. Cloud.

Yeah. I can say I scored in two WCHA arenas. Yeah, you can. We got about education, not money. I didn't know there was any question, but apparently there was some doubt or else it wouldn't have made the papers. It says here, Nick Felino is not ready to retire,

so he's upped and signed on to work for the pigs for another hockey season. I didn't know there was a question there, but fair enough. That's cool. Nick Falino is going to stick around and play another year of hockey. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Got the whole brother's combination out there. They'd be cool to get him on sometime this season. It's fun to have both of them on if we could. Yes. I believe Marcus is a go, correct, or close? I believe so. I haven't heard otherwise. Okay, awesome.

A website called Pro Hockey Rumors. Now, they admit it, they admit it right from the get-go. They admit that this year is a way too, early breakdown of the top 10 NHL teams headed into the 26th, then 27th season. But they went ahead anyway, even though they said it's way too early. And here's what they had to say. So it's 1 to 10 the top NHL teams headed into this hockey season.

Number one, the Carolina hurricane. That stands to reason. Sure. The Stanley Cup champion should rightfully retain their position as the The team to beat. Colorado's got to be there. That would be number two. The Colorado's Avalanche.

Number three and four, both come from the state of hockey, the Florida Panthers and the Tampa Bay Lightning. Florida Panthers are in there, even though last year was a miserable year for you? Yeah, they got that other Kachuk kid and this happened and that happened. I have no idea, Randy Schaeber. I'll start following hockey when they play for real. but I think a lot of that is based on them landing the second Kachuk kid.

And some players who were hurt last year will be healthy again and this and that. I got you got to let it go. If you're pissed off, if you got a little butt hurt there, you got to let it go. Florida is the state of hockey. Number five, the Dallas Stars. Number six is the Washington Capitals, seven, the Montreal Canadiens. Number eight, the pigs. And here are some further details on that.

They call the Man Bear Pigs another team that could not address its second-line center issues. And again, the frigging marathon Dylan Larkin thing. Right. Good Lord. They say the pigs will miss the Russian kids' best friend, Matt Zuccarello, as well as the production of Vladimir Tiracenko, Marcus Johan. won't be back either, and that's a lot of production. 53 of 268 total goals are lost from those three players.

That's nearly 20%. So the article says they'll have to make that up somehow. Projected second-line wingers Bobby Brink and Blake Coleman can try to fill some of that production. And a full season of Joel Erickson X will be needed as well. Offensively, they mentioned weird Quinn Hughes and Brock Faber, of course. Those two playing together for a full season could have a huge impact, considering the two of them had 52 goals combined last year. Yes, goaltender Philip Gustafson is sidelined with an injury to start the year,

so young phenom, Yesper Worset, is in the driver's seat. That's the way they look at the pigs closing out the top 10 would be the Vegas Golden Knights and the Utah Mammoth Oh boy Yeah Are they new?

So four teams from the Central Make the top 10 Oh I didn't even think about that Oh boy Yeah That's brutal Just like last season where Yeah

The division is The division is loaded with With talent Yeah the Utah Mammoth sea Willie Miles. They used to be the Phoenix Coyotes who used to be the Winnipeg Jets. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. So it's not like a brand new team. They just moved. No, they got a brand new team that totally unnecessary Seattle Cracking. They're a couple three years old. They were concocted for no good reason.

Right. But no, the Utah Mammoth, they were this and then they were that. You want to know any other story? Any other origins? I can try to lay it on you. No, I think that's, I mean, like the Carolina.

Hurricanes. Do you know who they used to be? Carolina Hurricanes. Yeah, the team that won the Cup this past year. Yeah, they used to be the Jets, right? No. No. No, we already covered the Jets origin there. They went to Phoenix and then the new Jets started up in the Carolina Hurricanes used to be the Hartford Whalers.

Oh, yeah. I would have never guessed that. I didn't know Hartford had. You ever know where Hartford is. Who else is that coming? Oh, no, I'm in the Hartford. I know, I know. The Colorado Avalanche.

Do you know who they used to be? No. They were the Quebec Nordiques. Really? But Colorado also had a team earlier on in the 70s and 80s to Colorado Rockies. And then the baseball team became the Colorado Rockies. And so they couldn't use that again. So they had to.

They called them to Avaland. That would have gone too confusing around Colorado. The Dallas Stars used to be the North Stars. The Minnesota North Star. That is the only one I know. Let's see. Who am I missing, Josh? Who are you missing?

Somebody. It's got to be another one. Yeah. Those are the ones that come to mind, I think, for most people. Somebody else. Now, let's do basketball. Oh, God. Do football.

Explain the origin. See, Willie could probably dominate that. I don't know football. What will we do there? It's not as common in the NFL. In the NFL, NBA teams have moved around. I mean, NFL has some pretty, they moved around a lot. Like the Rams, the Rams moved.

Cleveland moved. Oh, God, yeah. The Raiders have moved a couple of times. Right. Right. Titans? Yep. Okay, the Titans used to be the Houston Oilers, right? Correct.

Exactly. Anybody. When I was, oh, I don't know, 19 years old, ended up at a house party in Minneapolis. And a bunch of strippers showed up. I mean, not to strip, they showed up to party. Oh. That's awesome. I know another one.

Yes, Randy. Go ahead. Arizona Cardinals used to be the St. Louis Cardinals. There you go. Exactly. But it weren't the Chiefs? But for a while. Oh, the Kansas City Chiefs were the Dallas Texans.

Yeah. I believe I have that correct. You're looking at a... I don't know about that because they were one of the originals in the AF, AFC, the old AFC. AFL. Am I the only one that's kind of wanting you get back to the stripper talk? Yeah, I'm really focused.

I can't get over the strippers. I can't get over the strippers, dude. We said something about strippers. Dana, I'm so glad you were feeling the same way. Well, no, we got time for that, but I thought for sure the Kansas City Chiefs at one point were the Houston or the Dallas Texans of the AFL and then they became the, are you looking at an article or something? Oh, I thought you were looking at a thing there.

Okay. Hold on. Who frigging cares? Dallas, Texas. Although I am interested in the answer. So, yeah, I mean, see Willie Miles knowing nothing about hockey. This will give you an idea of how obscure and forgettable the Hartford Whalers were during their run in Connecticut. God, they made the playoffs sparingly here and there.

They were kind of like the Montreal Expos of hockey. A lot of great players stopped for a cup of coffee in Hartford. And had they stayed there, they could have been a friggin dynasty. Ron Francis and Brendan Shanahan and some of these, there were great players who came in and out of the, but the whalers could never keep them. So this will show you how obscure and forgettable the Hartford Whalers were. I'm 19 years old.

We go to this house party. Some strippers showed up to party. And I'll tell you right now, see, Willie Mouse, I wanted me a stripper. Natural. Right. So my buddy played this little game. We played this little hoax.

We're standing around the beer keats. with these scorching hot strippers and my buddy said are you all right and I said yeah I'm doing all right but my shoulder's a little and my upper body is a little sore and he said wow yeah I mean you went through a hell of a deal the night and the stripper said wait what what's wrong with you why you're why your shoulders shirt I said yeah I just what I do for a living well what do you do I play for the Hartford whalers and they said you play in the national hockey of course a regular dude on the street couldn't tell you the roster of the Hartford Whalers I could count on these girls we're having to and I said the gap in my teeth you see the gap

and they said oh god what happened Wayne Gretzky did that to me high stick I got a high stick from Wayne Gretzky he's the greatest player of a yeah he is but he high stick me we got a game tomorrow in Boston nice to meet you and they got to go it worked it worked nice yeah that's awesome the average jay bruce own didn't know dick about the Hartford Whalers. I was fairly sure these girls weren't going to... No. And you couldn't IMDB that or anything like that.

You still can't. There's no way to verify it. Even to this date. The Dallas Texans moved to Kansas City in 1963. I knew I knew what I was talking about. There you go. You damn right. Oh, oh, the Calgary Flames used to be the Atlanta Flames.

Did you know there was a... I remember that. Yeah. Yes. Of course, we know the Chargers, that nightmare. I still hate that they're the Los Angeles Chargers of Anaheim. Yeah, that, that, that's crazy. I love the, I love the San Diego Chargers.

We were fans, weren't we? She really, Randy, too. I was back in a huge fan of Dan Fowles. Oh, me too. Kellen Winslow, Charlie Joyner, John Jefferson, Chuck Muncie, West Chandler. I was a fan ever since they drafted when they drafted Ricky Young because he's from my

hometown and that's how I became a huge fan of San Diego. But I always said they've always had some of the best quarterbacks in the NFL that never won nothing. Yeah they did. Stan Humphreys, Dan Fogg's Phillip River. Oh, here's

one that I misplaced. Yeah, the current Winnipeg Jets were who? Who can answer that for me? The current Winnipeg Jets came from what city? They used to be the what? We were just talking about the city a minute ago. I know my buddy played for them too.

Winnipeg Jets. Current club. They used to be the Atlanta Thrasher's. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's way cooler. That's right. When Josh and I got real, real drunk at the

at the horribly boring, embarrassing NHL All-Star game that was here in town 15 years ago, whatever, Josh. That was boring. When I was drunk and I went after Doug Woug. Earlier in the day, remember Big Al was there with us that afternoon. If you remember, Josh. Of course.

A big Al and my buddy, the king was there. The king was there too. Al and I took an elevator ride inside Excel Energy Center, the day of that All-Star game. And Josh, this was maybe the highlight of the entire event. Every NHL mascot was there for the game. And you're a mascot guy. And I'm a mascot guy. What were they doing?

He was running up and down the bleachers. Do a mascot stuff, Ash. It was the only thing that I enjoyed watching, that entire colossal disaster that was the... So Big Al and I are in the elevator. Oh, you had to be there, Ashley. The elevator doors open. There's only one person on the elevator,

and it's the Atlanta Thrashers mascot. No way. Just standing completely... Of course, he can't say anything to us, right? Because he's the man. He was this big dorky bird. He was like seven feet tall. He could barely fit in the elevator.

Right? So he stands there and makes no motion at all. Al and I kind of, we sheepishly get on the, like, is this a setup? Are we about to, we get on the elevator? I got a box of popcorn in my hand. While we're riding one level up, the thrasher takes my popcorn out of my hand, dumps it all into his beak, and then when the door's open, he left. That's so awesome.

I just spent $750 on popcorn. Three quarters of it is on the floor of the elevator. The rest is like stuck in his fur and he walks away. And I did nothing. Yeah. And Al and I thought it was the best entertainment we had seen all day long. That's pretty good. Yeah.

Oh, the San Francisco Giants beat the twins last night. They'll play again tonight at 8. Glad we can sneak that in. There you go. All right, thanks Randy Shaver. You bet. And we'll have more history. of the origins of major league

ball clubs coming up next with C. William Miles. We'll be back in a couple of minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones,

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The 93X half-ass morning show. Yeah, it ain't right, but we're going to go ahead anyway. It's already 832 on this gorgeous Tuesday morning. See Willie Miles is here, and by God, we're happy to have them. Time flies when you're late. I haven't heard that before. You're not right. That's how it works, man.

I know. I didn't have, and Ashley didn't tell me that there was a, that was an accident on 35. Oh, I'm sorry, man. Or they changed my detour. You know, a lot of her traffic reports, she just, she just makes them up. Yeah, some of them aren't even real roads. 694, never heard of it. Yeah, she's just kind of, she's got to throw something out there. It's sponsored.

Right. You were only a couple minutes late. No, that's right. You did good. I know. I ran a couple of lights. But it was just on YouTube We're not that important

See William Yeah, those kids didn't want to go to class anyone You're probably right By the way Willie you got any shows coming up

because their listening audience Always asked about you I know man And I always appreciate You guys For for allowing me on And talking about my shows

And so forth and so on But anyway, no Okay Next show My next show is coming up I don't have Another public event Until December

My Christmas show That comes out At the Croners I know December at 12. You're going to squeeze in some more golf and then hunker down and prep for that December show. He'll be in Arizona. That's where C. Willie is going to be. You're going down to you said public shows. So are you doing some corporate stuff? Yeah, yeah. I got a couple of corporate

shows I'm doing that I can't have people just showing up at. All right. Well, I got something. You can show up. I can't get in. I got some stories for you right here, C. Willie Miles. I do. And for the rest of you is, of course. And this might be the most low-eastern. intro to a conversation that I've ever read on this year radio station. Think back to something we all went through a few years ago. Oh, and I predict the text messages are going to be bumping in the next couple of minutes, Cubby. I can feel them coming already. Here's the intro.

Every so often, humanity collectively decides something absolutely insane is a real thing. Does that line remind you of anything? Maybe a controversial virus that may or may not have swept through town a few years ago, depending on who you ask? I've heard people say that. Yep. Every now and again, humanity collectively decides something absolutely insane is a real thing. If there's one thing that a lot of folks love these days, it's a good conspiracy theory. Oh, God, yeah.

Especially one with zero factual background whatsoever. Right. Does it seem like there's more now than... ever before? Absolutely. Maybe social media just makes it more prevalent. No, I mean, being on social media my whole life, basically, it's way worse than it's ever been.

People, like, to the point where some days I wake up and I'm like, do I really even want to participate? Yeah. Do I want to be part of this anymore? Yeah. Josh, absolutely, the godless, soulless, and wildly misinformed social media makes it conspiracy theories more prevalent. but social media has been around long enough now to where we can compare,

and it is more out of control today than ever before. It's absolutely ridiculous. In the past now, these community panic attacks, sometimes they've been based on a real life event, a real thing. Sometimes there was a perfectly ordinary explanation, and sometimes there was apparently just a rumor a little bit of fear started to spread and several thousand people

were there to make things considerably weirder and worse. So here what I have for you are the times that humanity completely lost it altogether, times when society went into a total panic. And again, some of it was based on a real thing. Some of it was, some of it had an easy explanation.

And some of it was just banana ass, bat, dick crazy. True. We start in 19 and 62, something called the Tanzanian laughing epidemic. Oh yeah. Now, I expected to read 1362 here,

but it's right, 1962. Wow. It started with a few school girls laughing uncontrollably, and somehow spread all throughout the surrounding communities. I think something like this happened not too long ago as well in the same part of the world. Contagious giggling spread from town to town, county to county village to village in Tanzania. This apparently was based on something real.

Doesn't it sound to you, Josh, just on the surface, like, almost like a trend. Yeah. Once these original school girls got some attention for their giggling, then in the next town they started to giggle so they could be part of the... Somebody got into some laughing gas. That's all the ones. I started as a bit.

The Tanzanian laughing epidemic of 1962. Back to 1938 in England, there was something called the Halifax Slasher Panic. Mm-hmm. People all across Halifax became convinced that a razor-wielding maniac was on the loose and stalking the streets. Cops looked into it. Eventually, they discovered that some of the alleged victims had apparently been doing a little creative storytelling. So a rumor that got completely buckwild out of control. People were afraid to leave their homes because they were. were certain that the Halifax slasher was a real character.

1944, right here in America, in the state of Illinois. The mad gasser of Matoon, Illinois. So residents of Matoon reported that a mysterious intruder was sneaking around town and pumping some sort of incapacitating gas into their homes. And people were falling out, I guess. It was a fart. They reported that some intruder was sneaking into homes

and pumping some sort of crippling gas. The culprit was never found, but they say paranoia was having an absolute field day with Matun, Illinois. Do you remember the stupid news story not too long ago, Nick, Or maybe within the last year where there was a guy doing that in an apartment building to some neighbors he didn't like? No.

He started pumping some gas underneath their door, some sort of chemical. Oh, now it rings a bell, yes. But I don't remember the specifics. Maybe it might have been in China. Some dude was doing just that. Now this one most of you have heard of. I don't care who you are. You must have heard of from 1938 when the entire United States went into a full-blown

panic over the War of the World's radio broadcast. Oh, yeah. Yep. How could they not? That is one of the most fascinating stories, I think, of all times. I mean, think about now, if something like anything, now you're always suspicious, right? Well, is that AI? Is that a conspiracy?

Is somebody making something up? But back then... You know, the media is controlled by the government, right? That's what we say now, but back then... If you heard it, I'm sure you thought it's real. If you heard it on the radio, in what you thought to be an official news report, you swore by it. In 1938, absolutely. You trusted those people on television and radio.

Well, maybe there wasn't television yet, but radio. You want to ask your neighbor, you've got to go four miles away. Right. True. I really, I've always been drawn to this story. That is so incredible that this Orson Wellspecker had turned this fake story of an alien invasion, broadcast live on the radio. He turned it into a friggin' panic. I wonder if anybody went down into a bunker and they're like still there.

Oh, Ashley, worse than that. Oh, really? Worse than that. I haven't heard. We've talked about this before, but other than like here on the show, I've never heard of it. Look it up. You should listen to the broadcast. Listen to it, yeah.

I think you'd really like it. It's historic and it's interesting and it's well done, especially when you consider it was 19 and 38. People were running for their very lives. Yeah, I want to know the details about all this. papers bought it. Right. Printed stories about how we're all goneers. They're here.

The aliens are here. Kiss your ass goodbye. Right. Think of the things that were said. I'm finally going to tell you how I feel of us. Whether good or bad. Had sex with your wife. As you're running away from

in, oh, this goes back to 15th century France. As we're discussing, some some of the most uncorked stories, some of it based on truth, some of it absolute nonsense, where we collectively, as a society, lost our ever-loving minds. Back to 15th century France, whatever that means. The meowing nuns.

Scary. You go ahead and try to explain this one to me because I'm at a loss. one French nun reportedly started meowing like a cat A French meow What does that sound like? That's a sexier one That was more Italian right there Yeah I even did the Italian hand

I don't know what that was about You said a meow Yeah you did the hand That's Italian Can't do the hand French probably just meh Right? Yeah

Doesn't that sound more French? Yep that's spot on Like Josh used to race in a race car He raced formula He did. Okay. One French nuns started meowing, and before long, all the nuns in town were meowing. Ashley, almost spit her drink all over.

I can't imagine, like, walking around town. You pass the church. You just hear, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Josh, what do you do? You put out a bowl of milk? Yeah, he got to put out a bowl of milk for them. This is very super troopers, 15th century. Oh, yeah, you're right.

The West Bank Fainting Epidemic. Now this is 19 and 83. This is long ago, but at the same time, not that long ago, compared to some of these other stories. The fainting epidemic, this happened to hundreds of Palestinian girls and women who developed a mysterious dizziness and then a nausea, and then they would like, Josh, they would faint. I'll pass out.

I pass out. investigators ultimately found no real reason behind this. You know, I think they talk about people just being extra empathetic, right? Right. You're feeling for someone and all of a sudden you start to... And if somebody tells you, no, there's something in the air. Yeah. You know, some people just, their bodies react to it.

Yeah. Absolutely. I never considered that, but you're right. Yeah. I have friends who are hypnotists. Uh-oh. And they would always... Aren't they more like acquaintances?

Those aren't your friends, see, see what you know, like acquaintances? Really good friends that are very good. Hypnotice. They were telling you that they would, they could pick out people who are very easily manipulated. That you can get them to believe stuff. When I was hypnotized, they said that, that they try to pick people that are weak-minded.

And they even said like, no, like straight up. That's very insulted. I was like, all right, let's do it. But I snapped out of it. I was one of the people, there was a couple of people that were earlier than me. but I was somewhere in like the middle of, there was like a big group of us. I was somewhere in the middle and I was able to snap out of it.

Now see Willie Miles. But I would tell you that you have ADD. No, I think that's what it is. I genuinely think that's what it was. I was thinking about other stuff. Well, how did they know that you had that problem just looking at you? See, Willie, I know what you mean. We've had many hypnotists on this radio show over the years.

I think Josh and I finally decided to put a lid on it a few years ago because we just couldn't stand them anymore. But anyway, they often did. tell us that they can somehow read by looking at your face whether or not you'd be a good candidate to go under or whether you would not be. Right. And they're very, very good at it. They're very perceptive.

I imagine. And again, some of it we've watched was nonsense. Yeah. Some of it, we were blown away at how bizarre it was. Yeah, I can think of a couple instances where it absolutely was true. We were very skeptic until we saw a few things. I never thought it was true until we saw those. What were you saying, Ashley?

I wonder if men are easier to hypnotize just because, like, women always have a million things going on in their head. And men are just kind of like blank. Is that true, Willie? Yeah. Are we? If you, there's one person that I will tell you that she is the best I've ever seen. She's a good friend. The name is Deanna Nunez.

And she's out of California. She does cruise ships. She does big corporate events. She'll put you under. She's a professional hypnotist. Like literally, like help people stop smoking. Oh, that's really cool. Like, she's really that good.

And she would always just tell me that how they could just, you know, you could just pick people out. You're going to have a little conversation with people sometimes. That's how they figure out. You ever have a conversation with her and you black out and you're missing $500 or anything like that? No. Okay. No. I'm always, like, I don't shake hands with any of my friends who are.

magician because they'll still stuff off of you. But they all know you need to stay two feet away from me. And don't ever repeat. If my friend's standing next to me and she repeats anything, I'm walking away. Yeah. Because I know what you're doing. That's how they get you. That's how they get you.

Text machine, not a text machine, but a text message came into our machine. Our Luther-Bluington Kia text line, 651-551-93. A listener says this now, Covey. They say the best conspiracy theory they've ever heard is that all rocks are soft and squishy until you pick them up. That's awesome. You can never disprove it. No, no, no, that's Peckers.

You're thinking of Peckers. It's true. Oh, my God. We're going to slam dance our way out of this nightmare shortly, but first we've got to close out this conversation. We've been talking about the times that humanity completely lost it altogether. Society went into a panic attack.

Over the years, it's happened over and over and over again. Some of these stories were based on facts. Some of it was absolute nonsense, like what we see on the Internet these days, where a story cuts loose and some people lose their minds over it. Can you guys think of one that you bought into? No. I was one that I was scared about. I think when I was a kid, I was young.

And they told me there was a big thing going around that the world was coming to an end in 1980. Yeah. That was real. Okay. You know, and to me. Did this have to do with the Cuban Missile Crisis or anything like that? I don't know. Okay.

I just remember like all the story. I was in Alabama at the time as a kid and everybody was buying up stuff and that's when bonkers were being built and everybody was, yeah. But you don't remember the origin of why the world was. No, it just got around. Do you know the world's coming to the end in 1980? Because, you know, you didn't have no internet or nothing. You just wear the mouth and every time you hear it, you repeat it.

So yeah, he's talking about the world. But, John, I got one. I never bought into any of it. Not any of it. I don't believe a friggin' word that I see on the internet. Oh, no, Texas is coming in on it. Yes. I'm not going to say it's a conspiracy, maybe just a mistake.

Y2K. Yes. I thought Y2K was going to be real. Really? I locked myself into my apartment at the time. I bought every gun you have, you can imagine. One of everything. You really thought we were going to shut down?

I believed it. Like the world was coming to a close. Yeah, I thought. Well, I should, I was skeptical, but at the same time, I thought, geez, everybody's reporting on this. And I don't know ones and zeros. I don't know anything about computers. Maybe that makes sense. I'd seen, you know, Robocop.

New Year's Eve, 99, you shut yourself into your apartment and just braced yourself for the end? And as you can imagine, I turned down so many party invitations, like some real ragers. But yeah, me and my roommate slash cousin at the time, we were. Really? We stayed in that. You guys were crashing out on the couch. Yeah. You must not have been.

yourself. You must not have been terribly open with me at the time because I would have remembered that. We were working together at the time. I don't remember you being open about that. Well, I was embarrassed when I, like, kind of with one eye, looked at 12.01 a.m. and thought, oh, the power's still on.

You weren't the only one. Were you kind of disappointed? No. No. You're like, ah, I was prepared for this. I thought that was it. At least you got over, Josh, because I watched a documentary about Y2K and the people that went straight into bunker mode, they are still in denial to this day.

They're like, no, you just wait. It's coming. It's coming. No and not. I think we're good. I think we're safe now 26 years later. Oh, they still think Y2K's going to? You have to change the name at that point.

Yeah, exactly. Who is the wrestler that was, oh, Y2J? Jericho. Jericho, Y2J. I mean, yeah, I've got a friend. Luckily, I don't talk with him much anymore, but I've got a friend who's just dialed into every last bit of what he reads on the internet.

He believes every, and specifically his thing is the end of the world. Right. So every few months, he'll make a few telephone calls and say, this is it, boys. It's over. And, of course, it never happens. And he'll never explain himself. And when we bust his balls over it, there's always some excuse as to what he wasn't wrong. It's just this didn't fall into play and that didn't fall.

And this is really nothing new. I mean, it's more widespread like we discussed. But growing up, Josh, my sister's best friend was wacky. and she would, I remember more than a few times, my sister's best friend, running into our house, crying because this is it. The nuclear war is going to happen today. It's happening.

Oh, my God, what are we going to do? She was goofy like that. And in the 80s, of course, there was always that underlying fear of a nuclear holocaust with the Russia. I could see myself being one of those people really nervous like that. I remember my dad, every time this gal would. running the house. My dad would just be like, oh, for Christ's sake, not again. You just reminded me.

We had all the drills. Yeah, we had the bomb drills. That we go underneath your death. Like, that's going to save us. I didn't, I did not understand that at all. I remember, yeah, as a kid, I even remember thinking, I don't know. I've seen like TV footage of the nuclear bombs. I don't think this is going to help.

What are these deaths made of? Before we roll, let me just bump our way through the rest of these. the rest of these entries into the conversation on when society lost their Evan Love and Minds, they're running for their lives. In 20 and 16, the clown scare gimmick. Remember this, Josh? Yeah. Suddenly.

With it, the movie. Creepy clowns were on every corner, middle of the night, running around peering in windows. It was all frigging high school nerds playing dress-up. but there were people who were legitimately terrified over this stupid creepy clown thing. Now it's cat in the hat. I was freaked out because I don't like clowns, but I also had enough, I guess, presence of mind to know, like, it's not going to become a thing.

He's not going to come to your house. You don't like clowns either, C. Will. Terrified. Because I was five years old. Really? Yeah, I don't even remember a time where I liked him. Josh remembers this, I'm sure, from the NC William Miles from the 1980s. Satan had a field day in the 80s.

Boy, you're not kidding. Everyone was being accused of being satanic. Rock band, celebrities. Oh, they worship the devil. Oh, they worship Satan. Kiss, for God's sake. That's crazy because I'd be like, that's cool. A lot of people did.

If somebody was like, you're the devil, I'd be like, thank you. You guys know I grew up a big kiss fan. I mean, Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons, like the two biggest nerds on planet Earth really deep down, Paul and Gene. But in the 80s, they were accused of, you know, Kiss stood for kids in Satan's service. I remember in my neighborhood, we were convinced there was a house or two that was satanic. I mean, it just was in the 80s, it was everywhere. Motley crew was Satan. Azi was Satanic.

We've listened to now being older. When I was in high school, we would listen to music from that time and, like, play it backwards. Right. Yeah. And, like, you can mess with your mind. enough to think that you hear something. I tried all those gimmicks. This record, if you play it backwards, it's a message from Satan.

And it was all garbage. I love it. And then finally, they mentioned the Pokemon seizure panic in Japan in 19 and 97. Wow. It says a flashing sequence in a Pokemon episode sent hundreds of Japanese kids to the hospital with seizures and other symptoms. And people were making sure their children didn't watch Pokemon because, It would instantly give all of our children a seizure and they would die on the spot.

Oh, my God. Do you guys remember H1N1? It was like a pig virus or something like that? Swine flu. Yeah, swine flu. I remember, I don't, maybe my parents shouldn't have been letting me watch the news. I have no idea how old I was when this happened. Somebody could probably tell me.

But I was terrified of that. I thought that I was going to get that and die. I would come home from school and cry. You were a little kid? I don't know what was going on. I mean, I definitely wasn't like five or so. Like, I was probably 10 or 11. I don't know.

When you're little. It wasn't too long ago. 10 or 11. I just remember, like, being so terrified of that, thinking for sure that that was going to kill everybody. Didn't that have something to do with eating raw pork or something? I don't remember. Or, like, touching a pig that has it or something. Like, it would have been difficult for me.

I thought it was a respiratory thing. I don't know. Back then, were you a pig toucher? I got it. Maybe. All right. We got to get the hell. Thank you, Willie.

Yeah, thank you so much. From the Luther, Kia of Bloomington Text Line, 651-551-93-93. That's the new number, 551-93-93. Congratulations to Sofa King Cool, Jesus. Just had a new member of the sisterhood, baby Haley. Welcome. Happy birthday to trucker. Chris Jesus is wonderful and sexy-ass wife.

Happy birthday to works in the same building as Josh Jesus, Skidsteer operator, Jesus, text in a happy 75th. to his old man. And happy birthday to Papa Honey Bear Jesus from Might Be Donnie Jesus. 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition.

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