93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Devil Crabs

Episode Date: March 6, 2026

Originally Aired March 6, 2026: Next up, we'll talk about the primaries. Your wife is cheating on you... and it's awesome. Everything you wanna know about getting drunk with an 11 year old.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. 90. Guys, that's it. closing time.

All right. I'd believe 17 hours could slip by that quickly. Good night, Sammy. Good night. Don't forget. Tonight's night we go off daylight savings, man. We shouldn't change the clock. 50 hours.

Two o'clock now. So which ways it go? That spring forward, fall back, Mr. Peterson. I am confused by people who are thrown off by daylight savings time. Because it is not a big deal. It is just an hour adjustment twice a year. That's all it is. You move the clock back.

You move the clock forward. That's all. But still, twice a year, you will hear people say things like, oh, I'm sorry, man, I'm all screwed up because of daylight savings time. It's just an hour, but still twice a year, people, oh, is this milk still good? Who is the president? Ladies and gentlemen. 8.58. First time I've ever been early first time.

work, separate all of daylight, savings days, lousy farmers. The weekend. That little clip there reminds me of that episode of the Simpsons. No way. That was The Simpsons. That was Homer Simpson's Pete. Well, then I was spot on, wasn't I?

Yeah. Of the Simpson family. I suppose I was making perfect sense. Maybe I'm not all there yet. Now, you nailed it. It's awful early. It's 543. Welcome to the final, final. And I, for one, have had enough.

It's going to be a great weekend, though, for everybody. Go out there and enjoy yourself. You know how a lot of folks might say have a safe, fun weekend. I'm going to recommend that folks disregard safety altogether. Just this time around. Just go for it. Just this one time. What do you got going on this weekend?

Your typical recklessness, Josh? Yeah, really not much at all, which is my favorite type of weekend. Yep. We got a little party, I guess, tomorrow. And there's some kind of daylight savings gimmick. Daylight saving time ends on Sunday morning. Headed our way. It's the one that everyone complains about short weekend. You know, if you're Monday through Friday or a little bit of a short weekend, lose that hour. I'm not super excited

about daylight savings. It used to not matter. Who the hell is? It used to not matter at all, but now with the baby being on a schedule, that's going to change. Again with the baby, Josh always says. Nope, never said it. Oh, you know, I never thought about it. It's going to mess up my dog. One of my dogs, he's on it when it comes to what time I should be getting up. And if I'm not up at that time, like sometimes, you know, on the weekends it'll screw him up. Drops a big coiler right next to the bed?

No, he'll paw me in the face or take my covers off. He's kind of a B word. Yeah, what a ditch. He kind of is a little bit because he wants to jump up in that bed. And so this will probably mess him up a little bit. God, I'm in for some trouble, aren't I? He's got to beat your ass. He weighs more than I do.

He's a big boy. I'm going to be in some trouble. Ah, the daylight savings setup. Okay. What do you think of the daylight act of 2026? Have you heard of this one? You guys hear about this one? I have no idea.

No, Jay Leno, I've not heard about that one. Was that Cheaple? I was thinking it was Coded O'Brien. Oh, no, I've always associated that with Jay Leno. Maybe that's a Jay Leno thing. Did you guys see this? Yeah, okay. I knew it was a late-night guy.

Give me the title again? Daylight Act of 2026. Is this, again, a group of people trying to throw the whole workshop. Yeah, so what the idea is, is let's just split the difference and let's move things by a half hour, right? So we have the best of both worlds. So those that are fans say, you know, it's only half hour. Those that can't stand it, it's only a half hour, right? On either way. But it sounds like it's not going to happen because you got a friend or maybe you have a super way too hot for you fiancee that lives in London. I'm just throwing that out there. Maybe, you know, then you're a

half hour from them. So they're saying it could be a lot more confusing than it. It's all just exhausting. I don't care one way or the other because the way it's set up now, I'm barely aware of it. You see what I'm saying? So I don't care what you do with it, really. Josh came up to me 10 minutes ago and said, hey, I've got a little open for daylight savings time. I said, oh, that's happening this weekend? Yeah, I don't pay too. The only time I ever paid attention to it is working overnights. Trying to figure that out. I'm not good enough at math. No, wait a minute. Am I here longer or short? I don't really know what I'm doing. I had a program director once. The Friday of Daylight Savings Time texted us during the show. I was like, what are you guys doing?

Why are you guys not just talking wall-to-wall daylight savings time and the debate about whether to keep it or switch it or am? Oh, barf. And I was like, well, A, I didn't even realize daylight savings time this weekend. B, nobody cares. How did the success of that radio station turn on. If you turn it on right now, it's nationally syndicated Christian Rock. You're home for what time it is. But at one point or another, I'm sure it was wildly successful due to the brave leadership of that program director.

Right, exactly. Cutting edge material of going wall to wall for an entire morning show talking about daylight savings time. I'm trying to remember the dumbest thing any of our bosses have ever wanted us to talk about or gotten on our case like you're not talking about this enough. I'm sure there were a few. times, but I can't think of anything in the moment. I mean, the closest I can remember is we had a co-worker,

he's like, all right, coming up, we're going to talk about the primaries. And both of them are like, we are? That's the plan? I think we did, literally on the microphone, say, we are? We did. We were laughing like, okay, that's all you. You lead the way. And we had never laid any prior groundwork at all.

Ever. That the primaries, whatever that means, would be a topic of conversation on the program. We had never ever even slightly discussed that kind of material. The next thing you know, someone we're working with on air is teasing that topic for our next conversation. And we just thought, wait a minute, was there a buyout or something? Didn't it happen? No. Because off air, we said, what are you talking about?

He didn't know what he's talking about either. We'd never talk politics unless it's a political story we just can't avoid. It's too big of a story. And so I don't know what he was thinking. Like the primaries? Nobody was tuning in to 93X going, I wonder their thoughts on the primary. Exactly. Nineties rex, your primary leader.

There's probably some other stories there. But Cubby, I can't think of too many times when there was anybody in this building. who tried to control our content. You know, as much as we jokingly bitch about all the dildos that we've had to karate fight over the years in this building in order to get the show that we wanted to have, of all the somewhat sarcastic bitching that we do,

we have been mostly left alone when it comes to material content and the way we want to operate this year program. We have been mostly left alone. Sometimes, though, some relatively weird things set off one of our bosses we couldn't do anymore. Remember when he took us to Denny's to tell us no more fish police bits? And we were totally confused. Like, why in a million years would first and foremost, you take us to breakfast for this?

And we can't do that anymore. The fish police, the old Jesse, the body bits. Well, we didn't listen to that advice. And then he didn't want to. But we know now why he was telling us to stop doing one of the more popular bits. have ever aired on this frequency. We know now... There are theories, yeah.

Well, there's not a theory. It's the right answer, but we know why now he was trying to take a little steam out of the program because there were people in the building who weren't enjoying the success that we were having. Stupid. But anyway, yeah, I... Bird is the word. Wouldn't you agree that, though, we've been mostly left alone? For the most part.

Yeah. We've been lucky in that aspect. I've heard stories from other radio people who say, damn near everything that comes out of their mouth is critiqued by the boss. right? They go to commercial break and the boss walks into the studio and says, I like this, I didn't like this, I'd like you to talk more about this and less about that. I mean, I would, no way, I wouldn't last a week in that situation. So, we have been lucky. There's, or like people who would have to sit down with their boss after the show and listen

back to the entire show. Oh, I've been there. So the boss could go, yeah, this or that or this, you know, call things out. That'd be miserable. Oh, yeah, it makes you overthink everything then at that point. So we got a daylight savings type of a scene this weekend. Back to what you brought up a minute ago, Josh, about some folks who are constantly trying to change it or alter it. I'll go along with whatever they come up with because it's just not a big concern of mine.

I'll go along with it. Yeah, it'd just be, it is kind of weird, you know, just twice a year, how big of a deal it can be. You want to fix it? Pardon me? Fix it. Whatever they need to do, do something. Go ahead. Well, I was liked in college when you got that extra hour of bar time.

That was always fun. I see, I don't really remember. Yeah, it will never affect me because I hope to never be up that early, or I should say, stay up that late ever again. Right, yeah. I mean, it was a big deal when I was 21. It was like, all right, you got an extra hour to find somebody. Let's go for it.

I don't really remember ever taken advantage of that situation. Oh, God. You want to move on with some information that's kind of hot. kind of sexy. Sure. Yeah, I'd like to get horny. Wow. That was a touch far.

It was? Not far enough for me. That was a what? A touch far. Oh, a touch far. How about some information that's kind of sexual in nature? Kind of hot. Some research has been done.

You know how they operate, right, Josh? Oh, yeah, sure. Some research has been done. Questions were asked. answers were given. And what they've decided on here is this.

If your wife, dudes, if your wife cheats on you, she's going to do it with a woman. You know, I wouldn't even be bothered by that. Who would be? Really? Well, I got a buddy who... Oh, I know a couple guys who were dumb enough to where they'd get mad about that. Oh, I got a buddy who was, that kind of happened to him.

And I misread the situation. He told me that. And I was like, you lucky bastard. And he was not cool with that at all. And I thought, oh, is it because she didn't kind of key you in so you could join or, you know, be apart? And it had nothing to do with that. He was pretty furious about it. Yeah, the ego a little too fragile there.

I mean, I understand no one wants to be cheated on. In this situation, I do. But if my wife was like, you cheated on me, I'd be devastated and like, oh, relationship over. And she's like, yeah. but it was with so-and-so, and I'd want to know some details. Yeah, my only answer would be, really? I could get over it. I could get over that.

Is that right? I had an ex who was at a Bachelorette weekend, and after she got home, she was like, I got to tell you something. Please don't be upset, but I made out with someone. And she told me who it was. It was a friend of ours, a female friend of ours. And I go, is there video?

Can I watch? That's hot stuff. I'm not mad at all. I'm, that's cool. Do you pretend you're frustrated in order to somehow turn this to your advantage? No. What's the play if somebody tells you, hey, I cheated on you with a girl? I was like, Nick, I'm like, I wanted more details.

I'm like, why didn't you go farther? If your wife cheats on you, most likely she's going to cheat on you with a woman. A woman! Ashley, same question to you. If your husband cheated on you and it was with a man, is that better? Maybe a little bit Cheating is cheating though I would show a lot of people

No it's not A buddy of mine felt that way Yeah like I actually think that my husband Would feel that way He would not be cool with it You guys want to know why It's something called Sexual Fluidity

We dudes don't have a lot of sexual fluidity But women have a lot of sexual fluidity But women have a lot of sexual fluid fluidity. Yeah, that's true. Meaning one day they look at a man and say, word. But some other days, they look at women and say, word. And as they get a little older, women's get a little more curious.

It's called sexual fluidity, Cubby. Sure. It's also, like, really easy to like women. They're beautiful. Yeah, I can't compete with that. That's how I'd feel. I wouldn't feel lesser than. If it was a guy, I would.

If it was a girl, I think, well, there's nothing I can do that. there. Yeah. I mean, maybe I'll end up sleeping with old goalies or something the way things are. Women are more open to changing what turns them on based on their circumstances or stage of life. We dudes, we just close our eyes and pump back and forth until the day that we die, right? Just close our eyes and pump. Is there something that's going to offer some resistance? There is? Okay, I'll pump away. Women look around. Women look around and go, I kind of like that, I kind of like that. They're open-minded.

They're, especially when they get a little older. And so they conclude this little report by saying, if your wife goes off with another woman, even just for a one-time thing, don't say to her, oh, have you been hiding this from me, your true sexual identity? Why didn't you tell me you were by, right?

That doesn't apply because women much more typical than men, you know, like I was saying, they change their mind. They change their point of view. So don't go accusing them of covering up by feelings or covering up lesbian feelings. I would wonder. It's just because the woman has evolved, you know, her wants and her needs and what attracts her has evolved. I guess I never asked my wife if she'd ever dabbled in the fairer sex. Oh, I've asked her about that before. What did she say?

She said, ask Dana. Yeah, and then she said... She said, Dana knows the truth. Oh, Dana, what did she say? Oh, she said, do you want to see some videos? I'd say, yeah, I'd love to see some videos. They had video back then? You've never asked her that question?

I never thought to ask. I mean, I've dated girls who had, but it just came up in conversation. I think, you know, my wife hates her. vagina as much as I hate my penis. So I'd imagine. Catholics. Other vaginas, she might not like either, but yeah, never thought to ask. Yeah, that's usually like first couple dates type of conversation.

I'm sorry, one more time. Have you ever been with someone of your same gender? Yeah. I guess I've never. I never asked to gal that on any date. It's much more common to talk about. No, no, no, no. What I mean is I've certainly had that conversation with.

plenty of your girlfriends, but I didn't consider it a second date staple. You know what I mean? It wasn't something like, oh, I went out with her Friday, now it's Wednesday. I better, I better ask her. Sure, that conversation has come up, but I never thought of it as a question I needed to get to in a certain amount of time. Are you, I mean, are you direct or do you just say, you know what's cool? Making out with chicks. What do you think about that? Well, as a matter of fact, I did that in college. Yeah, a buddy of mine, he wasn't cool with it at all. That's hilarious. So he must just be a tremendous hard on.

Just a real... No, he's an awesome guy. He's very sensitive, very fragile. He's very religious. Oh, that could be part of it. Ruins everything. Sexual flu. Ooh, Josh.

Yeah. I'm smiling next to you. Sexual... Sexual. fluidity. You just ruin that song for me. Ding to ding to ding. Ding to ding to ding.

Ding to ding to ding. When you open your mind for me, you won't rely on open eyes to see. 651, 989, 933, if you know what song I'm parroting. Medical device, Jesus, he's got to be the first one. Sexual fluidity. Dang it. ruin that. Well, I don't know, maybe you'll approve it. Oh, I didn't ruin it. I enhanced it.

You did enhance it. I'm sorry. You're right. You enhanced it. You don't have to apologize for Dick Tracy. I wish you guys knew the reference because it's perfect. It is perfect. You don't have to apologize for being stupid. Josh said. He would never. No, he would never say that. I already offended Ashley once today. There's no way I'll do it a second time. You'll find a way. Where the hell's medical device, Jesus, on that reference? It's taking too long. He's banging all the Michigan State hockey players over at the hotel probably.

Oh, I bet. He's pretty excited about that. What else is going on? All right, here we go. Let them in on it, Josh. Let them in on the parody. I'll give you right here from a 3-200, A Silent Lucidity, Queenswright.

Do you guys know that song? No. I'm sure you've heard it. Yeah, probably. We should play the song and then When we get to that part, Josh, you can pot it down and we'll both say sexual fluidity. I was trying to see if we had it here. We got it.

I don't know what else is going on. That's so good. I'm glad you liked it. You know what? Medical Device Jesus, who is now taxed, I'm not mad. I'm just a little disappointed that a lot of people got it before you. Oh, yeah. He's pretty good at sending in a Queenswreck reference a couple times a week, probably.

He's usually stalking us from beginning. beginning to end of every morning show. Again, he's probably struggling to come to after last night's Michigan State hockey game here in town. All right. You know, tonight we got that party at Glicks. We gave you a heads up about that yesterday before our Twin Cities takeover concert tonight at Target Center, stopped by Glicks from four to six. A little pre-concert party with pit passes.

It ought to be a hell of a deal. The show tonight features. Three Days, Grace, I Prevail Sleep Theory and the Funeral Portrait. I'm kind of interested in that band name, the Funeral Portrait. Sounds cool. What are they talking about? What's that mean? Where'd they get that?

How'd they come up with that one? You know what else is happening this morning at 10 a.m.? Go ahead. Tickets to our half-ass morning show, Summer Bash with Creed, Bush, and Tim Montana. 10 a.m. is the regular on sale. Mystic Lake Ampitheater. Yeah, I'm excited to check that place out. I think what they decided is we're going to get every good concert from now on.

It sure seems that way. They are booked to beat the band. Everybody is going to Mystic Lake Amphitheater. The renderings look really cool. Yeah, it does. Looks beautiful. You're going to play Queenswreck or not? We don't have it in our system.

Oh, forget it then. Yeah. That's a damn shame. That's an all-time great song. All right, Randy Schaber will be swinging by later. Bradrider or no Bradrider? Bradrider. Yep, they're going to both be on the phone.

It's Friday today, right? Yeah. I knew there was something that we were doing right. So Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder will swing by. Oh, God. What? Well, I'm not going to make it. Oh, the coughing.

Yeah. Yeah, I went back to the doctor yesterday. I'm on some new dope now. Yeah, why don't you hit your inhaler, nerd? I don't understand. In movies, you always see the nerd has the inhaler because he can't play sports. He's in the corner just... Well, I didn't bring it with me.

Was I supposed to... bring my inhaler with me. I do kind of want to see you hit it. I heard that it looks funny. Well, yeah, it does. Or at least that's what your wife said. Yeah, I love that your wife text all of us about you. That was cute. What happened? She texted us, letting us know that you got some drugs and that you won't be coughing all over us. Oh, I'm still going to be coughing all over you. She also said that if it doesn't work, she was thinking of getting your lung removed. So, yeah, I've never smoked. I'll give you a lung. You can have one of my lungs.

It's not like I'm having for jog or anything. I can get by on one one. Yeah, somebody wants to know what flavor of a vape rod you've been hitting. I haven't noticed a flavor. Oh, oh, that's a joke. Yes. Oh, vape. Vaprod.

Right, right. I thought maybe that my inhaler was supposed to be flavored. Yeah, yeah, I got some, it's not going to work. I'm dying. I've got a buddy who has asthma. He's a great athlete, so it's not like the stereotype. actually, but when he gets laughing too hard, he's got to hit his inhaler. And then when he has to do that, we tried to make him laugh even harder so that he can barely, like, get it in his mouth and take a hit of it.

You can murder a guy. Yeah, I know. Did anybody say sucks to your asthma to him? It's the only thing I can think of from Lord of the Flies. Do you guys read that? I'm assuming you read it in school. I saw the movie. I don't think I did.

I saw the movie. I saw the Simpsons parody episode of it, if that helps. Oh, the movies. I like the movie. Oh, I never saw the movie. A guy I used to work with his kid is in that movie. Oh, really? Yes.

Cool. Who does he play? Piggy? No, no, no, no. Is he the bully Ralph? One of the other kids. I think he has one or two lines. He was just one of the other kids.

That's neat. Oh, God, it was really neat. I bet that was 40 years ago or something like that. I don't know why, but that stuck with, maybe just because they were so mean to that poor kid in Lord of the Flies that, the sucks to your asthma. That's always stuck with me. I don't remember that line. We were supposed to read it, John.

Gosh, that's what it was. And I didn't. I didn't. So, I'm sorry. Meaning your class did. You just did it. It's good. I think it was like the last book of the year and I was checked out.

I haven't seen the movie, but, you know, maybe watch that if you don't want to read the book. I've heard such good things about it. Yeah, it's great. We'll move on. Dark, but good. Oh, yeah. I like the sad, dark, depressing aspect to it. We'll move on with our lives here.

And coming up next, we'll hit up the stupid news. Appreciate you, chilling with us. Have a nice Friday here. We'll be back in a couple minutes on the house. half-ass morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead.

Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. B-I-A-L-K-E-L-K-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-R-E-E-E-L-E-R-E-E-E-L-E-E-R-E-E-E-O-R-P-E-E-E-O-P-R-E-PITS. And if you need help, we could recommend to shop for you. Ask for O'Reilly Veriscan today. Oh, oh, oh, O'Reilly. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Dana Ashley and my little yogurt bowl over there, Cubby.

Oh, I love that. Let's start this way. Let me hear it again. So go ahead, each and every one of you is, go ahead and tell me the longest amount of time you've ever spent, setting, and playing video games, uninterrupted. Just sitting and fingering the remote control for your video games. Go. Well, for me, 36 hours.

It was over a Christmas break. A neighbor and I played Metroid Prime. Oh, that's a great game. For about 36 hours. You're crazy. A day and a half. Yeah. If my arithmetic is correct, that's a day and a half.

Yeah, it's awesome arithmetic. You're totally right. Your poor eyes. F me, right. running 36 hours. I felt pretty guilty about that. But at the time, at Christmas, they always wanted us to take two weeks off. So we had so much time off.

And I thought, if I'm ever going to do it, let's go. Who always wanted you to take two weeks off? Our boss at the time, at Christmas is when they wanted us. Oh, you were a grown person working here at the radio station. Yeah, so this was like 2000, 2001. I was thinking you were like 12. Yeah. No, no, no.

So you were 26 maybe? Yeah. Who can top 36 hours? Either one of you? No, I can't top that. Mine was like 10 hours. Oh, I'm surprised. You guys are such big gamers.

Yeah, but I like to sleep a lot. Yeah, I've pulled all night sessions and stuff and nothing over a day and a half. Yeah, I'm asleep. When I did most of my, like, hardcore gaming is when I smoked a lot of weed, so I would get very tired. Very, very sleepy. Does that mess with you, Josh, in the days afterwards? Yeah. Like, just seeing things when you close your eyes, could you just see, like, Sammas's, like, gun, you know, and everything like that?

No. Well, you know how it is? Like the first day, you're like, I can't believe I'm not destroyed. The second day I was a little tired. Sure. Just two young fellas sitting side by side. Now that I'm picturing this, I mean, that's madness. Well, here's part of it.

I've told you the story before about my neighbor. He got caught, pleasuring himself on the couch. I can't wait to find out how this plays into Jock. Yeah. I play Metro and Prime. Yeah. And I said, I love it. love to see it. Do you want to come over?

His wife caught him, and it was a major deal, so he needed a place to stay. Oh, really? He comes across the street, stays in my house. He ended up moving in with me eventually, but, and he's like, hey, you mind if I crash at your house? And we were like, well, yeah, and we just started playing the game and didn't want to stuff. So his wife was that mad

that she caught him whacking off that it led to you and him play Metroid Prime for 36 hours. Eventually, we ended up living together over that masturbation. What? And that must have just been the final straw? You played a day and a half worth of video games with a guy who was on the run from a sex crime. That's right. That's a more dramatic way to put it.

Now, I wouldn't want to just share the same controller with him because I know what he did with one of his hands. I don't know which one he goes for. I would be worried what he would do on my couch. He had too much respect for them. Now that you've mentioned this, now that you've said it out loud, I mean, it's one thing to be alone and sit and just, again, you're fingering that remote. staring into the television. But you had someone there with you. I don't think I would have done that.

For whatever reason, that strikes me as much more odd. Oh, seriously? Yeah. I would think it would be less odd. Yeah, I think it's less odd. Yeah, I wouldn't have, on my own, I've never really been into video games. He was more than me, but we were having a blast. I had nothing to do for like a week or two, so.

Somebody texted in and said that they went 78.6 hours straight. Okay. I'm sure we're going to get all kinds of texts saying this and that. Yeah, I'm certain that Josh doesn't have the all-time record. We've read enough stories about video game addiction and whatnot over the years. Yeah. Kid stuff. Very likely, Josh, your 36 hours is kid stuff compared to others.

I really thought you guys, meeting Dana and Ashley, I thought you guys would beat me. No, gosh. Well, there have been times where a video game comes out, then really looking forward to, like a new Zelda title or something, where I spend all weekend playing it, but there's breaks in between. It's not like it's just constant, you know, snoring Adderall and staying up, passing up sleep, you know. Well, be careful by God. Here's something that went down a while back.

It's been brought up here recently on that evil, wildly misinformed social media. Maybe you've already heard about this. I hope not. A college-age kid in Taiwan. planted his carcass down on the couch and played video games for four straight days. I don't know what that totals as far as hours go. A hundred straight hours? 96?

Maybe. Oh, man, you're both coughing now. There he sat for four days. His folks tried to get the kid to shut it off. He wouldn't budge. He kept playing and a playing and a playing. And yeah, there's probably a few of yous out there saying, you know, his folks could have just cut the power in the house or, you know, knocked him on his ass. They didn't.

On day four, the kid's brain gave way. He had what they call here a massive brain hemorrhage, and now he's dead. It's terrible. Now, that ain't right. This year, kid I was telling you about was on spring break or something like that. He was home from college, staying with his folks, and video games is obviously all he wanted to do with his free time. And it killed them dead. He would take a squeege now and again.

He would have something or another to eat. But he was awake for four consecutive days on that video game machine. That's just awful. Got a text here that says when Grand Theft Auto 6 comes out later this year, four days is going to look like child's play. Hell yeah, dude. That's so true. I'm so pumped. I know people are planning on taking an entire week off from work when that comes out.

I can't wait to show my son that game. You know, a lot of times, like parents are saying, can't wait to take them fishing. Can't wait to play catch in the backyard. Can't wait to teach them how to beat up a prostitute. Yeah, all right, we got to go grab this bat first. Then you take her money when you're done. That's cold-blooded.

That kind of reminds me of a conversation I had years ago with my bro hot tub. Well, I wasn't the only one having a conversation with Hot Tub. It was a circle of people sitting at the bar. We were 20, 21, 22, and someone brought up the idea of parenthood. And the girls were talking mainly about parenthood. And one of them said, I'd like to be a little bit of an older mother so I can learn some things first. So when my child is born, I'll be more knowledgeable and able to teach that child. And then another gal said, well, I want to be a young mom.

mother so I can do this and that and everything will be new and fresh and beautiful. And I think one guy chimed in and said, I'd like to wait until them about 30. And then Hot Tub speaks up and Hot Tub says, I want to be a young dad. You know, so, you know, when my kids turn, you know, 14, 15, I won't be too old, you know, get high and get drunk with them. Yeah, that's unique. You don't hear that one a lot. All right, so the kid would get up and take a piss.

He would eat something. Other than that, it was four consecutive days of being awake and playing his video game. His mother said that one evening in the middle of the night, he headed off to the bathroom. She heard him scream out in pain, and he fell down to the floor. Once they got the kid to a hospital, doctors told his folks he had a ruptured cerebral artery, and that's really, really not good. Doctors did everything they could think of, but the kid never woke up again. He's all done.

Oh, it's terrible. Normally, it's the elderly folks or guys around 54 alive on the radio that drop dead from that type of a thing. Normally, it's the elderly folks that suffer a massive brain pan hemorrhage. But at the same time, it says here, overwork, chronic sleep deprivation, smoking, drinking too much hooch, and an assload of stress can send you in that direction, no matter how old you are. And they close out the story by reminding you that you could be next. I'm trying to think of the longest run for binge watching, which is more of my style I've had. It was nowhere near 36 hours. Maybe 10? Yeah, I watched the entire season of Sopranos in one setting.

Sitting, setting. You did? Entire season. What did that? they run back then? It was like 12 episodes, all about an hour long, so that was definitely 12 hours worth at least. Wow. Yeah, I'm going to guess about 10 hours. Yeah, at least that.

Or 10 episode, 10, you know, what do they end up being 45 minutes, whatever? What about Ashley cumulatively on a video game? So like Red Dead Redemption, one of those do you... Oh, Lord. I have so many hours on Skyrim. It's disgusting, yeah. What do you think? I don't know because...

I haven't looked. I mean, it's definitely in the hundreds and hundreds. So Aunt Dieter Jesus said he's got 600 hours into hell divers, too. I can't stop, he said. Do you think you're around that? Oh, yeah. I mean, I've been playing Skyrim for just years. And it's not like you just play for like 20 minutes and then move on with your day.

You're sitting down and you're playing all day. I looked recently. I have 650-some hours into Zelda Breath of the Wild on the Nintendo Wii, or excuse me, Nintendo Switch. When did you start playing it? Oh, whenever it came out. 600 and some hours ago? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, how long ago it was that?

Oh, it came out in like 2017, I want to say. Oh, so there's been plenty of years. But I haven't played it in years, but that was just the total it I ended up with. I pick it up every once and again, but I've 100% completed it, so I don't really go back to it too much anymore. What was the game you sent me a screenshot of yesterday? Oh, Golden Sun. Yeah, I'm not familiar with that. I couldn't recognize it.

Yeah. But I was really happy with Josh that that that dude, Cranked, got caught cranking it, and it led to you getting to play Metro Prime, because that's one of the coolest games ever. Like, that was just kind of fate working out in your favor right there. Yeah, well, a lot of people text in and said, hey, if there's a game to go 36 hours, that's 10 out of 10. It's considered one of the best games ever. Oh, I didn't know that. I loved it.

It was fun. Somebody texted in and said that Skyrim, the game that I was talking about, is a game that they'll be playing in a nursing home someday. Yeah, I agree, 100%. I just received a screenshot. A listener sent me of some information he or she found on Google, noting multiple young people dying from extreme multi-day gaming marathons. And I believe it. Multiple people. Wow.

I mean, not altogether in one room, but over the course of the last 10 or so years, multiple young people have died because they sit there and they don't. don't sleep and they play the game and they play the game and they play the game and they play the game. And it overwhelms their system. That's very concerning. Ram Tucky Sheezis said when Sims came out in 2014, so it came out in 2014 and she's got over 5,000 hours into that one at this point. So Ashley, you enjoyed the game Skyrim. Yes, sir. I don't know if I've told you this before.

A friend of mine, many years ago, got hired to work. on that game. Yeah, you did tell you. He got a... So sweet. He got a Skyrim job. Yes. Yes, I remember you saying that.

I think I fell for this last time, too. You did. Isn't there, don't you guys like know somebody though? I swear, one of you do. Or maybe it's somebody else in my life. Somebody actually knows someone that worked on it for a little bit. We know that guy. Laslo.

That was Grand Theft Auto. And also Red Dead Redemption. Laslo is his name. Oh, okay. Brilliant dude. Well, this is unfortunate. it if you don't mind continuing down this path of untimely death. This is a terrible thing.

A gal only 51 years old. She checked out. And a silly way to go out. I don't live in this world. Some of you will understand I'm sure this gal was a food vlogger or a food influencer. Yeah. I know the types. Yeah.

I follow a couple people. Yeah. I thought you were kind of into that, right? Yeah. There's this. I really like. Like, shoot, I can't remember her name off the top of my head right now. But she's the last person that I decided to follow because she goes around town

and she rates different establishments, kids menu. So like her favorite is Culvers. She said their kid menu rocks. You get a bunch of food and you get ice cream at the end. So that's the way to go if you want to do cheaper. This here gal, food vlogger, food influencer, 51 years old. dead. She upped and died after eating a poisonous crab. Now, I don't know if that was her gimmick. I don't know was eating dangerous things that nobody else would. Was that her gimmick?

I wish I could tell you that. I can't for sure tell you if that was like her thing. I have heard of folks like that where they get the social media attention that they so desperately need by eating terrible dangerous things. And then their fans or their followers would say, oh, no way. He ate, you know, deep-fried rhinoceros spokes or whatever. I don't know if that was her thing. But that crab, it killed her dead. It was a toxic crab called the devil crab.

Emma was her name. She filmed herself eating the crab. She posted it online, and then two days later, she was gone. Yeah, I don't really get that when people do that kind of thing. Like puffer fish or whatever were you. There's a chance you're going to die eating it. I don't see the appeal. Yeah, me either.

Just go have a cheeseburger. I'd rather die slowly from cheeseburgers every day. Absolutely. What does this say? Experts have stepped up to warn us not to eat unfamiliar seafood. This Emma gal isn't the only unlucky bastard who has gone ahead and died in her neighborhood from deep throating a devil crab. You got to know what you're doing.

Would you guys ever want to risk it just? to say you did? Oh, absolutely not. No. I don't see the appeal. No, I probably won't like it anyway. I don't like a lot of certain textures. So I'm good.

I have absolutely nothing to prove, Josh, especially when it comes to eating. I can't imagine being the guy in the room that says, oh, come on over and watch this. I'm going to eat something that no one else would eat. What are we in seventh grade? You know what I mean? Everyone's looking at you like, no, no, dude.

I have nothing to eat. to prove in that department. Even in high school, and it would be like a de-measuring contest to see who could eat the hottest wings at Buffalo Wild Wings. Like, no, I'd rather just eat wings I enjoy. Now, that's something I could get into.

I could get into that. The hot stuff? Yeah. The heat. I like that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's different. Okay, so maybe there is something that would be an exception for me. I mean, the stuff that's going to,

that sends people to the hospital, I'll probably pass on that. My wife can handle that kind of thing. Like the one chip challenge and stuff like that. I'd avoid that, but I do like to see it. I've been to Buffalo Wild Wings where I like to see how hot I could go. The Blazing Challenge, they call it? I haven't done that specifically. We're just, you know, where we're ordering some stuff.

My wife worked at Buffalo Wild Wings, and she said the Blazing Challenge, like it would just be such a mess because there'd be napkins covered in snot from people, you know, just all over the table and, you know, just sweating and it was just disgusting to look at. We used to do that every single time we went there in high school. How long now, Josh, have you been surviving the one chick challenge? How long has it been now? Well, shoot, I'd say over 20 years. 20 years.

That's got to be a record. I think you're really going to enjoy this one. It also has to do with eating. Here we have a couple of doads. Father and son, don't you know? Here's a couple of fellers who bided their time. They waited patiently. And then waited a little longer.

And when the time was right, they took advantage, man. they took advantage. Says here there's a seafood restaurant in Mobile, Alabama. It's been there forever. There's been a sign hanging on the wall at this joint for years. And the sign says, free oysters to any man 80 or older who comes on into the joint with his dad. Okay?

The folks who run the joint, which is called Winsles Oyster House, the folks who run the joint say the sign is more or less a joke. How many peckerheads are 80 or over, and their effing dad is still above ground, right? Mm-hmm. Kind of like at your, you know, you've seen the roadhouses around town with the sign, the oh-so-hilarious sign that says free beer tomorrow, you know? Joke sign hanging on the wall.

But by God, a day or two ago, Two wrinkled up, broken down donkeys came walking into Winsel's Oyster House. And they said, yeah, we'll take that free oysters deal that you got posted on the wall. Sure as hell, it was an 80-year-old some bitch with his busted ass, older than the Hill's 99-year-old dad. I hope they feasted. The 80-year-old is known as Jimmy Rush Jr. That's a cool name. His 99-year-old Jurassic old man is Jim Fenn, Sr.

Jimmy Rush. It was Jim Jr.'s 80th birthday on the day the two of them walked in. They had officially qualified for the deal. The two of them said they were well aware of the sign. Again, the sign says free oysters to any man 80 or older who comes into the joint with his dad. They were well aware of it. They had talked for years about the two of them hopefully, living long enough to where they were going to walk into Winsles one day and knock everyone's

D in the dirt. That's hilarious. I love it. They wanted to take advantage of that free oysters deal and maybe even pick up a piece of ass if they're lucky. An 80-year-old man and a 99-year-old man collectively eating as many oysters as they can handle, ooh, I bet that was tough to watch. I bet that was smooth, disheartedly.

disgusting to watch. You know, good for them, though. That's cute. That is cool. I bet they were kind of pumped at the restaurant. Like, finally we get to do this. I hope I'm hosting oysters at 80. That'd be awesome.

Oh, I don't think I'll ever eat an oyster. Oh, you don't like them? I've never tried one. They look kind of gross. Oh, Ashley, you just mentioned texture earlier. Yeah, you would not like oysters. Yeah, me and my... Looks like snag.

Me and my husband... Snag, he says. I like that. It does. Exactly. Total grade school term right there. Snag. Me and my husband were at a restaurant not too long ago.

Char blue, it's a new restaurant in Champlain. Check it out. Where is it again? Champlain. Yeah, no thanks. It's a great restaurant. But they brought over some oysters for us. It was on the house.

It was very sweet of them. And that is like the thing that I hate the most. So I felt bad because I didn't touch them at all. Oh, I've sucked down quite a few oysters in my day. And the time I spent down in New Orleans. Gross. Me and a buddy even sat down and watched them come fresh off the boat. You know, old gray beard Cajun guy with a raincoat on.

He brings him smooth off the boat from whatever body of water is down there. And he dumps him on the counter and the bartender stabs him with a knife and cracks them open and puts them directly in front of us. They've been out of the water for five minutes. Tasted the same as the others to me. Sure. Maybe I would have to try those then because that's... They're the size of a monkey fist when they get them smooth off the boat.

You drown it in cocktail sauce, whatever. These two old boys sucked them down until it was medication time. Oh, God. And then they got the hell out of there. Somebody texts it in and, this makes me more nauseated about this. They said, teeth or no teeth with the oysters? You think they put the dentures in or they leave them out? No, you don't need teeth for oysters.

They're just getting away. They're just gumming them. No, if you try to chew an oyster, that's going to be bad news for you. You just suck it down. Yeah, you just swaller. So Jim Sr., the 99-year-old, on his way out the door, he told the folks at Winsle's Oyster Shack, he said, don't get too friggin comfortable.

He plans to be back. His son, Coral, will be turning 80 in just two short years. So he says, I will be back with my younger son when he turns 80, and I'm going to do this all over again. That's great. That's awesome. He'll be 101 at the time if he makes it. And he's not going to make it.

He'll make it. He's not going to make it. He's got motivation. Yeah, he's got something to live for. Free oysters. Yeah, geez, after the next one, he's probably just going to call it quits. Is that a delicacy, meaning are they expensive? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Like a caviar-style deal. And you should have seen, Josh, how excited Dane, my pal. I was just telling you the story, how we bellied up to a oyster bar right off the friggin' water in New Orleans. You should have seen how excited he was. He loves those damn things. So when we got them fresh off the boat, Jesus, Craming, he was, he thought it was the coolest thing in the world. I just thought it tasted like all the other mucasy oysters I had consumed in my life.

But, you know, everybody's got their own thing. I mean, I'm a true eater. You guys know that. Oh, of course you are. But I'll skip that. No, you don't like seafood. I know a few guys you don't like seafood. I'm a maniac around shrimp and lobster and whatnot.

Oh, God, I'm, I'll put on a, I'll put on a, I'll put. on a disgusting display around that kind of stuff. Is it work eating oysters or maybe I'm thinking clams? Dude, you just pour it into your yap and swaller. Yeah, they shuck them for each. All they got to do is just kind of add a little hot sauce to it or whatever you want. No, lobster is when they got to give you a pliers. Yeah.

A nail gun. My family likes lobster, so they'll get that. It's like sponsored by DeWalt or something. Yeah. I like when they give you like the little, I like the little tools, though. They're adorable. like the little tiny fork you can get. It's stupid.

Lobster is a lot of work and then you get like a little morsel of food. Oh, it's so good though. No, no. Yeah, I mean, in some situation, I always, and it works every time. If I go out for seafood, if I order lobster, I always tell the waiter, have the boys in the back crack the pig open for me. I'm not going to sit here and work on it all evening. Oh, they'll do that for us. Oh, yeah.

That's embarrassing to do that at the table. It's not embarrassing. But it does work every time. Every time the waiter looks at you like, pussy. No, I mean it's embarrassing to crack it open yourself at the table sometimes. You look like a five-year-old being handed a transmission to work on. You know, you have no idea what you're doing. Like you said about the oysters fresh from the sea,

we went to Boston and they had crab there, or excuse me, lobster there. They were so much bigger than any lobster I'd ever seen. They'll kill you. Yeah, huge. All right. Let's talk about providing alcohol to minors real quick before we have to go. I always thought that I was going to be that, that cool, older person that would hook up, you know, the younger people. I always thought like, oh, I'm not going to be like that when I'm older.

I'm going to be cool. And then I became of age. No, I just became of age. And I was like, I'm uncomfortable. I tried it once. I tried it. I tried providing alcohol of the miners once. Didn't work out?

Well, this was a friend of mine, one of my best friend's younger brothers. And I like this kid a lot. He's a cool kid. He approached me. So I was 21 and he was 17 or whatever And he said, would you buy a pile of booze and beer for me and my bros tonight? I said, absolutely. I was excited.

Like Ashley said, I thought it would be cool to be that guy Because about desperately, we wanted to know a guy like that when we were underage, right? Yeah. So I said, absolutely. Went and bought him all the booze and beer he wanted. And then I saw how this kid behaved when he was drunk. and it scared the living hell out of me. He was just an absolute moron,

beyond reckless, beyond careless, stupid, stupid drunk. And I said, never doing that again. Scared the hell out of me because I thought, there's no way. If I keep this up, there's no way I stay out of jail. This kid's going to get in a car. He's going to set a house on fire or something. That's the thing.

And we've had troopers tell us, even if it's like, you buy for this responsible kid. Right. That responsible kid hands some booze to an irresponsible kid. That guy gets in some trouble. It's coming back at you. I had a girlfriend that she had a younger brother, and she wanted to buy for him, and I had to tell her the same thing.

Like, your brother is a moron. You can't do this. You're going to get in a ton of trouble. Yeah. All right. So, Owen, we love this gimmick, don't we, Josh? Every time. The cool parent.

Hmm. That oh so cool parent. It's kind of a burden, you know. To be such a cool parent? I didn't realize how much of a burden it is. You know, that cool parent that is obviously and sadly in need of the approval of junior high age kids. So when that cool parent is in charge, they let the kids do whatever they want. Now, don't get me wrong.

I'm not judging everybody. I was brought up by a dad who very much had a boys will be boys attitude. He didn't care if my brother and I threw beer parties. He would drink beer with us pretty regularly when we were high school age and whatnot. But he would never provide the beer for our teenage vomit parties. He would always say, you know, if you think your nuts are big enough to throw these parties, then you can figure out how to get your own damn beer. And I'd imagine he was just that way versus like, God, I hope they like me.

You know, he never had that feeling. Like I said, it was the boys will be. boys type thing. He knew we were going to want to drink and fight and raise hell. And he didn't question it because he drank and fought and raised hell. But he never provided our beer. So if that's the kind of relationship you had with your kids, hell, I got nothing to say. But come on with this. You've got to be a full-blown effing idiot or mentally ill if this is the way you operate. In of all places, Utah, a gal got herself a ral. for letting the damn junior high kids get drunk at her house.

She served alcohol to numerous children as part of a birthday party. Christina is the super cool mom we're talking about. She's 40. You lonely. She's so lonely. Just wants friends. You know, maybe she wasn't accepted at that age. She's trying for round two here.

She needs to join like a Facebook group where moms become friends. They have a lot of those, honey. Christina, the super cool mom. She's 40. So now her permanent record is splattered with all kinds of really attractive charges. Like six counts of providing alcohol to minors, one count of child abuse, and one count of aggravated child abuse. Again, allowed the junior high kids to come over. So, word is, parents in the neighborhood who dropped their kids off at this grade school slash junior high-aged birthday party,

parents were wondering why their 11, 12-year-old kids were stinking-faced when they stopped back to pick them up and give them a ride home. Can you imagine watching your 11-year-old kid wobble out the front door, stumble over? to your car after a birthday party. I'd kill a bitch. I love you, man. One of those parents called the police. And the first thing

the cops saw when they walked into the house party was a 13-year-old girl staggering around the house looking like the last days of Chris Farley. This is why people are not allowing their children to go to sleepovers anymore. I didn't know that people weren't allowing their children to go to sleepovers anymore.

Yeah, it's a very big new trend. Oh, no, my son's at his sleepover. He just can't trust anybody. Cool mom, Christina, again. I like this part. She was very uncooperative and had to be forced into handcuffs when the cops broke up her junior. You know, obviously this lady's completely insane. Anyone in their right mind would have, at the very least, been embarrassed to be busted by the cops for hosting a party like this.

This gal put up a full-on kicking and screaming fight because the cops made. a 40-year-old woman look bad in front of the cool sixth graders. So she's obviously mentally unhinged. I'm sorry, I thought this was America. She's kicking and fighting at the police for breaking up. Between 15 and 20 little kids were tested for alcohol at the party. About half of them were gooned. one of the kids was an 11-year-old

who was found passed out in the basement with a bottle of hooch laying next to him. Oh my God. Probably close to dead, really. Yeah. Cool mom, Christina. She had provided the alcohol to the kids and encouraged all of them to drink and be awesome.

You know, like, just like her. Be awesome. I wouldn't add the courage at that age to try drinking. You know, my parents... I don't think I would have... So strict. I would have made it pretend.

You didn't drink as a junior high kid? Well, what age did you say? I thought you said 11. 11. Yeah, that 11 might be a little too early. I was... Oh, that's even sad. Thinking about probably like 13 when it started.

12 maybe? Oh, that's so sad. I was a little scared of it, Josh, but I went ahead with it anyway just because I wanted to, you know, be a man. Even in high school, I didn't. Yeah, no. I'm not ready for this.

Straighter than a Grizzlies D. I had so many bad examples when it came to drinking and drugs. That really steered me away from it. You got to be the only kid on planet Earth who said to himself or herself, I'm not ready for this. Okay. Then I need to rent some people that have been through it, been through like alcohol problems and show them to my son

so that he can be like you, Josh, and not want to do that. You know, you can show up at a family reunion, but unfortunately a couple of them lost their lives over it. The best example aren't there. Best examples. I was going to say the same thing. I have some relatives who could talk to your kid if they were above ground. Yeah.

Josh, I mean, good for you. That you said that to yourself. Like, I've never heard of a kid who had that presence of mind at that age. I didn't start drinking because I thought I was ready for it. Like I already told you, I started drinking because I was curious about it naturally. and I wanted to be grown. So the first time we really got drunk, we were 12. And I mean, I'll never forget, we were up at a cabin up in Bagley.

Lanahan was there. You guys know my bro Lanahan. Oh, I love Lanhan. We tore into a case of Budweiser. And of course, you know, we're in the middle of nowhere's on a little lake in Bagley, just our hillbilly dads there. Our dads didn't care. Go ahead, tough guys.

I remember him being like, okay, let's see what you got, right? Because they knew we would just vomit all over the place and go to sleep. They weren't worried about it. And where were we going to go? We were just in the middle of the woods. But I went, I don't know, after two Budweiser's, I was feeling funny. But this is something I'll never forget. My brother's over there popping the tops, three, four, five, six.

he was a friggin' pro and the effing guy was 12. Was your dad scared about that? My dad did kind of look over there and be like, all right, hang on a second. How many of those of you? My brother had it in them from the word go. And yeah, it's funny you bring that up because it did catch my old man's attention like, damn. Whoops. But I remember one of the last things my brother said, we're all sitting around the fire together with the old guys too.

And my brother's sitting in a chair and he says this. He says, it feels like I'm in a race car right now. It feels like I'm racing across the, and all the old guys went, here we go. He fell in love with him. If people haven't heard it, can you tell the cigarette smoking story that's kind of similar? Oh, that was a good friend of mine. Yeah, God rest his soul. Both of them, actually, sadly.

This was a father and son combination. Both of them have passed on at this point. but Donnie, the older guy, he notices that his cigarettes are being stolen every day. He was a heavy smoker. He knew what he had in front of him. And he's missing five, six cigarettes one day. He's missing four or five the next day. Well, because he knew it.

His son was stealing him. 12-year-old kid. So he does the cliche bit, right? He does the bit that we've all heard of. He goes downstairs and he says, okay, tough guy to his son. You think you're Joe Marlboro, Camel Frank? What the hell is the name of the... Joe Camel?

Let's see how tough you are. And he puts down a cart and cigarettes, and he says, me and you are going to bang them out one by one. You want to be a man? It's time to nut up. And his kid goes, okay, 12-year-old kid. All right. Flips a heater into his yap, lights to some bitch, takes a drag,

and starts blowing smoke rings. And my buddy Donnie says to his kid, Jesus, balls, how long you've been doing this? I mean, there's got to be a small part of him that was like, all right, I'm kind of impressed. As much as I wish this wasn't a thing. When Donnie told me the story, he was laughing. He was impressed. And he said, all right, I guess you got the seed sport. Go ahead.

Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. So how bad was it? So what happened? It was only about three inches long, but it went to the bone. Oh, no. It's a chainsaw. It's a chainsaw.

So I got stirru strips holding it together and a big bandage on top with the neospore. Let me say something. James, James, I see your reaction. I'm going to tell you something that's even more astounding than Ben taking it. More astounding than Ben taking and chainsaw to his knee. He hasn't gone to the hospital yet. Wait, what? No, no.

You probably should. You should go to the hospital. What are you doing? Go see a doctor. It needs stitches, but I'm not. I would say go now. What do you got to say, Josh, about a chain of saw? It'll make your ass raw, or in his case almost cut your knee off.

Go to the hospital. That's an ex-big leaguer there by the name of Ben Davis. I remember a little bit about Ben Davis. He was a catcher. He played for this team, the other team. Late 90s. Now he's involved in Philadelphia Phillies broadcast. So that was Ben Davis and his cast of characters talking Phillies baseball.

But eventually they got on to the same. subject of Ben has recently accidentally cut himself to the bone with a chain of saw, but he has not yet gone to the hospital or received any stitches. So he's like a tough guy, I guess. He said he's got stare-stri strips holding it together, whatever that means, and a bandage and some neosporin. He says he knows he needs stitches, get every time he bends his leg, the wound opens up again. Yeah, the knee's a spot that you probably want to take care of.

He cut himself on the knee with a chain of... So there you go. He was cutting up some down trees after a storm. Yeah, that'd be me. That sounds like a good way to lose a limb due to a terrible infection. That's what I'd worry about, right? The infection. Cut himself with a chain of saw.

Still hasn't made his way over to the doctor's office. Because he's a tough guy. That neosporin's good stuff. It is. I don't know. He probably has its limits. Yeah. Yeah, if you look at the instructions on the back,

I don't think it says good for chainsaw injuries. Just grab some super glue. What if we're wrong and it does? What if it's on there? I guess I've never read it. Yeah, I'll feel like a total dumbass, and I'll walk that statement back for sure. In a half hour, Randy Schaber will be here.

Brad Reader will be here. We'll tell you all about that high school hockey tournament. Golden Gopher women's hockey, lost. Golden Gopher dudes hockey, lost. Timberwolves, won. We were talking about, little earlier and outrageous story of a crazy lady, a 40-year-old lady, obviously totally unhinged. She hosted a birthday party for some grade school junior high-age kids, and she got all the kids drunk.

That was her thing. She's the cool mom. She's going to fill them full of booze. Junior high and grade school-aged kids. Got him drunk. We got to talking about contributing to minors. I tried at once. Didn't like the end result. I saw how ridiculous this kid acted when he was drunk, and I said, no way I'm going to trust this kid and buy him beer ever again. Listen to this story from Heather the tricycle Jesus. He said he was hanging out.

Oh, God, help us all. He was hanging out in Hutchinson. He was having a conversation with a young fella, 17 or 18. Eventually, that young fella asked me to buy him some beer. I said, no, I'm not doing that. So the kid straight up threatened me with violence. My goodness. He was pretty cut, said Heather the tricycle Jesus, and I feared that he would

wop my ass. So I agreed. I walked into the liquor store and told the clerk, hey, dude, don't sell to me. And call the cops. You see that teenage kid outside the door? He's trying to make me buy him beer. He's threatening to kick my ass. the kid was dumb enough to wait outside the liquor store.

Heather the tricycle Jesus called the cops, and they grabbed the kid. He said, I'm not sure what happened to that kid. I got the hell out of there. That's what I get for hanging out in Hutchinson. Cubby's got some news for you here in a couple of minutes. The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead.

Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. O O.O.P. Check engine, ABS, or maintenance light on? Take the guesswork out of your warning lights with O'Reilly Veriscan. The service is free and provides a report with solutions verified by ASE certified master technicians. And if you need help, we could recommend a shop for you. Ask for O'Reilly Veriscan today. Oh, oh, O'Reilly.

Morning Show 93X. Mr. Tapscott's phone, myriad of. evidence and information one of the largest forensic downloads that the investigators had ever seen like tons of evidence on there an upstate New York man pleaded guilty to dozens of narcotics charges after investigators say he was selling drugs from his work vehicle while on the clock is he an ice cream man which seems slightly at odds with the words printed on the side of his work vehicle to protect and serve it was a cop it was a cop and now he's been fired for his role as a major drug dealer. An investigator said he had extensive knowledge

of narcotics, which makes sense when you consider he taught kids how to avoid them in his role as a dare officer as well. Michael Tapscott, who was part of the Drug Abuse Resistance Education Program designed to teach kids to stay away from drugs and gangs, pleaded guilty to 40 narcotics-related charges for peddling drugs on the job last May. Tapscott resigned. from the Geneva Police Department last year after he was accused of selling Adderall, a schedule two controlled substance, to a buyer at a used car dealership while on duty and sitting in his squad car. Investigator said he was not acting alone. Three other officers connected to Tapscott's scheme were also indicted,

accused of being solicited by the rogue officer to buy and sell narcotics both on and off duty. Under the terms of his plea deal, Tapscott will serve 16 weekends in jail and five years probation, which is the first time in this story, he'll actually be serving something other than drugs. And he'll be protecting his backside during his weekends behind bars. None of the other officers have been sentenced.

Kind of played itself out like all those crooked cop movies. Yeah, just like a movie. I was talking some friends the other day, we were wondering if the DARE program still exists. And it sounds like it does. I don't know if they like... I don't know about like around here, though. I haven't heard about it in such a long time.

Did you guys go to those little parties, the DARE parties? Well, they kind of force it on us. Dare parties? What do you mean? They forced it on you. It was like a scheduled thing during elementary school. Yeah, we had like somebody come into the classroom. Dare officer came in like once a week or something like that.

Oh, yeah, Josh. We had debt. We never had them show up, but I love the stories. Josh has a great story about the rap team. Oh, yeah. Didn't they show up at your school, Josh? That was my kid's school. Oh, yeah.

The kid's school. They have like hip-hop. and peop or whatever their names are. Well, you mentioned for sure that one of their names was Pipsqueak. Pipsqueak, yep. And they rapped to the kids about the dangers of drugs. God help us, I wish I would have seen that in person. That sounds like a riot.

I got to be honest, they were very entertaining. Were they? As silly as it was. Cool. I'm Pipsqueak and I'm here to say, when it comes to drugs, I say no way. That's pretty much exactly it. That was perfect. Yeah.

As you could tell, he was high as hell. You see him back on the loading dock smoking weed. A Georgia man was arrested for knocking back far too mucho for locals while driving his work vehicle drunk while on the clock, which seems slightly at odds with the words printed on the side of his work vehicle to protect and serve. It was a cop. Another cop.

The Georgia State Patrol released its report about what led to the DUI arrest of a Metro Atlanta sheriff last week. Gerald Couch was arrested Friday with a B.A. nearly three times the legal limit at 11.30 a.m. While driving his county-issued vehicle. Well, that guy could use something to eat. While talking to investigators, the chief deputy said the sheriff was so unsteady on his feet. He wasn't sure couch could walk to the investigator's vehicle, which wasn't even so far away. The chief deputy said the sheriff had recently been at the hospital with a high BAC,

and a friend had told him not to drive, but he drove anyway. Always listen to your friends. Couch told investigators he'd been drinking several four locoes since 6 a.m. that morning. Investigators also found two open cans of Bahama Mama that had spilled in his squad. He was arrested and charged with DUI, failure to maintain a lane and having an open container. At this time, it's unclear if Couch will return to his position as sheriff. Drinking on the job. This wasn't the only troubling run-in between alcohol and a badge recently.

a Santa Fe Police officer facing a DWI charge after police said she drove drunk to work with the blood alcohol content at twice the legal limit. I can't say that I'm innocent of that. Officer Maureen Lujan called her job, that is, to say she was running a little late. But when she arrived, a colleague soon learned it wasn't traffic that put her behind schedule. It was tequila. Apparently, she smelled like the recycling bin behind a frat house because a fellow officer said he could. clearly smelled alcohol on her. Court records say she admitted to drinking all day because she was sad about a breakup with her

boyfriend. Ah, I get it. She doesn't want to wait until her life is over. No, she should, maybe just taking the day off. Yeah. You guys know anybody who's not afraid to go to work drunk? Yeah. I do not.

There's one guy, one old friend of mine. I think it was last summer at the state fair. He jammed down like six tall beers over there at the Midway Men's. club and he goes, well, I got to go to work. Okay. What does he do for a living? Yeah. Sells things.

Okay. It's better than, you know, being a construction worker or something. They operate heavy machinery. Yeah, I got to go. Where are you going over to the midway? Nah, I got to go to work. And wrapping up our tours with the keys and cocktails don't mix file, police arrested a pop star for impaired driving this week.

It's Brittany, bitch. Brittany Spears was a restaurant. arrested Wednesday night in California. Police also said... What did that lady say? She said a black sedan. They're swerving, no tail lights. Oh, no tail lights.

Police say they also found an unknown substance in her car and believe she may have been under the influence of both drugs and alcohol. I mean, if she looks back at the letters I've written her over the years, I've offered to drive her anywhere. She obviously doesn't care. Yeah, the New York Post posted kind of a timeline of all the things that have gone on and her life, you know, things like this, and it's very depressing to read. Yeah, that makes me sad.

She had two sobriety coaches. She fired two weeks ago, and people are suggesting maybe she hired them back. She's struggling a little bit over there, isn't she, Covey? Yeah, it's too bad. There's a mix of big-screen spectacle animation with a Minnesota connection and a new comedy series arriving on HBO this week. God, I'm excited for that Minnesota connection. You guys know how I can.

In theaters and, please be proud of your state. In theaters and on streaming. First up, The Bride. Set in 1930s, Chicago, a groundbreaking scientist brings a murdered young woman back to life to be a companion for Frankenstein's monster. The Bride is written and directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal and stars her brother Jake. That sounds good. Frankenstein's Monster. Yeah, his babe and alongside Christian Bale.

Also opening this week, Disney Pixar's animated adventure Hoppers. The film follows a 19-year-old animal lover who uses new technology, the last her consciousness to be placed inside a robotic beaver, giving her access to the animal world and the mysterious world hidden within it. University of Minnesota professor Emily Fairfax, a beaver scientist, eco-hydrologist, and assistant professor of geography,

spent years researching ecosystems shaped by beavers. That's what I'm talking about right there. Her work caught the attention of Pixar producers who are already fans of a 2019 stop-motion animation project she created called Beavers and Wildfire. She served as a paid consultant on hoppers and is credited as a science expert in the film's closing credits.

The filmmakers even included a nod to her in the story. One of the characters is named Dr. Samantha Fairfax. Well, F me running. I'm not trying to interrupt anything, Josh, but since you're talking about movies, did someone just burn popcorn in the room? I smell that. Oh, yeah.

Is somebody, another board on fire? Is the building on fire? Is it my cataracts, or did it also get kind of hazy in here. Well, it's weird, because we're in separate studios, and I smell it too, so that's doubly concerning. Concerning? I go a different direction. I go a different direction

on that. Okay, if there's a fire, someone let us know. I'd be more than happy to go home immediately. I'll set one if you want me to. No, I think that's a bad idea. In a double-in-tondre lover's dream after a story about beavers comes rooster. The new comedy starring Steve Correll

premiering Sunday on HBO. The series is set on a college campus and centers on an author's complicated relationship with his daughter. Finally, now on Netflix War Machine, a sci-fi movie starring Alan Ritchson from Reacher as a soldier. Oh, boy. Yeah, you got a crush on it. Oh, no, your husband has a crush. Like, he would leave me instantly for him, just for like 10 minutes with him.

Who are we talking about? The guy who plays Reacher. I don't know that guy. A big muscle bond dude. He's a soldier in this movie, again, called War Machine. That's one of my favorite kiss zone. Do you know the song War Machine? Yeah, you've played that.

Oh, my God. Maybe it's in the movie. Great, I doubt it. Oh, it could be, I guess. You know, like Iron Man hit Iron Man. I'll let you know. I'm kind of tempted to get Netflix back to try this out. You can use my...

Oh, I know you can't. I want to turn the tide. There's like a flanger on Gene Simmons' voice in the song. It sounds very cool. Oh, I'm a flanger fan. You know, Eddie Van Halen was pretty good with the plan. I think I have the right term, Covey, but you're the guy who played guitar.

as a soldier trying to survive after his squad is attacked by an alien machine that's hunting them. Tonight's a big one at Target Center as the 93X Twin Cities Takeover Takes Over Target Center. Three Days Grace, I Prevail Sleep Theory, and the funeral portrait hit the stage tonight. But before that show, if you're heading downtown or just looking for a fun way to make your Friday F, the 93x pre-concert party is happening at Glick's Restaurant and Bar, 4 to 6 p.m. right there next to Target Center at 1st Avenue and 6th Street. And because it's a special occasion, we're only sending the best-looking members of the 93-X staff to host this party.

They'll have giveaways, including sold-out Twin Cities takeover pit passes, the only way to score a spot in the pit. Dana, are you going to the pre-party? I know you're going to the show. Yeah, I'm going to the pre-party as well. You'll be good, too. Okay, cool. Find everything you need to know about tonight's Twin Cities takeover at the pre-party at Glicks at 93x.com.

And while you're on our site, just a reminder that, beginning at 10 a.m. tickets do go on sale for the half-assed morning show Summer Bash with Creed Bush and Tim Montana, Thursday, July 16th at the new Mystic Lake Amphitheater. Please, for one day, I need you to behave. It's my mom's birthday. Uh-oh. And I'd like to wish the woman, a Christian woman, by the way, before you text, a happy birthday without your sexualized comments. So, happy birthday to my mom. Happy Sweet 16 to Aela Lynn from Dad, Uncle Lonsdale,

Jesus, and that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show. Am I losing my eyesight or did it just get darker in here? It's the dimmer. Oh. Yeah, we were going to continue with the other lighting. You know, that was more of a smaller rink lighting, no TV lights, but now we have no light.

The cell phone lights are coming out now, Jim. I've been doing this for 15 years. I don't think this has happened. I don't believe so either, but the fan sections. enjoying the concert-esque moment of hockey here. Nobody can keep the lights on at the rink these days. I'm kidding. Why does this keep happening? Somebody pulled the plug during the third period of the...

Huh? Pay the bill. You got to pay the bill, Randy Shaver says. That happened around here, once. Somebody pulled the plug during the third period of the Minnetonka Gentry Academy High School hockey game yesterday. It was no big deal. They dimmed.

They went out. They came back on. But something similar. happened at a college game. We talked about this a week or so ago. Something similar happened at a college game between Yukon and UMass. Maybe they're not paying the friggin' bills, Randy Schaber.

Where's Brad Ryder at? I'm here. That's what happens when you change from Excel Energy Center. You don't have a power company running. How do you think about that? Good point. That wouldn't have happened if they still were the name sponsor or whatever? That never would have happened. That's good.

Good morning, Randy Schaber, and Brad Ryder, Randy, I know you don't care what day it is. You're retired and you're out of town. But I've got to say, I'm pretty satisfied with today being our final, final. And it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Are you headed home this weekend, Randy? Is this when you get behind the wheel and start heading north? Yep, yep.

I'm sitting right now in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and we are on our way back. We've already made a little leeway, huh? Yep. So we'll be back in town on Sunday. Oh, you sound upset about it? No, not at all. I'm actually looking forward to getting home, and we're going to stop and see my youngest son and his wife.

Their first baby is due in the month, and so we're going to stop and see them in Iowa City on our way back. So my third grandchild is on the way and almost here. I'm excited. Man, you're so close to death. For sure. For sure. What's the worst and the best part about traveling cross-country in an automobile with your wife?

Well, I mean, we both like traveling, so we both enjoy going to places we haven't been before. The worst part is just actually probably right in the middle of the day when you're traveling. It's like you've already got four hours in and you've got four hours. to go. That to me sucks. I thought he was going to say the gas. Prices, you mean? No.

No, no, like the gas in the car. Yeah, okay. Do you guys argue over the radio or anything? Yeah, who gets control of the radio? Do you have similar tastes in music? She usually does, but we really don't listen to a lot of music. We just sit and kind of talking. You know, she's usually on the phone talking to the kids or whatever, too.

So, yeah. Yeah. Here's a listener who says, oh, damn, Randy stopped in Chattanooga. He's not making it home. I like Chattanooga. Do you? Very nice. Do you take turns driving?

Nope. I do all the driving. Just Randy driving. If I let her drive, Josh, it would take us about 20 days to get home from Florida. Slow driver? Slow driver, yeah. You're always in control of that V. Or you'd be in West Virginia right now.

Possibly too, yes. Yeah, I hear you. Well, drive safely. Yep. Come on back safely. Let's continue on here, wrapping about that high school hockey tournament. Class AA began their run yesterday.

Edina beat Andover. They beat them on the ice and they beat them at life, really, if you want to get down deep into the details. Morehead over Lake. South Rosemount beat Grand Rapids by a goal. In that game where the lights went out, the Minnetonka skippers. Shut out that Gentry Academy set up. Shut them out, 5-0.

So today I think I got the right matchups here. Holler at me if I F one of them up. War Road Delano. A lot of blaze orange and camo in the arena today. Yeah, sure. War Road Delano. Edina plays more head. Rosemount Minnetonka, Hibbing, Matamese.

How do you say that town? Matamida. Matamida. I think I have that correct. You do. And all of them were all seated teams. So there were really basically no upsets in either the quarterfinals in class A or double A. No upsets just yet.

I've been watching a little bit of it. Anyone got anything cute, funny, fresh to say about the state high school hockey tournament so far? Kind of like you. I have it on the background. Yeah, same here. It seemed like there really was only one game that was kind of a nail-biter type. It was that overtime game yesterday. Rosemount Grand Rapids, the rest of them seemed like they were decided fairly early on.

Not decided, but you could tell which team was better early on in each game. I hear you. So by Saturday, they'll be state champions crowned in the whole smear. The pigs tonight are playing in Las Vegas, Nevada. Yep. late game, 9 o'clock type of a thing. They're staying busy making deals, and they've got until, I don't know what time today,

the trade deadline is officially up. But today's the final, final day, that much I know. But they made a deal yesterday and traded for an old timer. A defenseman by the name of Jeff Petrie, this guy is 38 years old. Lots of experience on the blue line. Word was they were looking for a right-handed defensemen. They got one and they got one with a ton of time under his belt in the National

Hockey League. They got him from the state of hockey where Randy's coming from. He comes over from the Florida Panthers in exchange for a seventh round pick. The draft pick becomes a fifth round selection if this happens and that happens. 6-3, 207 pound. He's a big feller. And like I said, 20 years in the league? 17, 18, something like that, Jeff Petrie, 38 years old. I like the idea of having a seasoned character or two on the roster as you cruise into the playoffs. So there you go. Jeff Petrie.

I wonder how much crap he gets for his age. I mean, even Zach Perrizi at the end of his career, he would tell us that they'd all make fun of him for being so old. Which is weird to think about Zach Perisi. Yeah, the young kids, they pick on the older fellas, but it happens both ways. Hell, I remember in the early days of the man bear pigs, our regular guest on the air from that hockey club was Jim Dowd. He was great. When Jim Dowd was playing for the pigs in the first couple three years, he might have been 32, 33 years old, something like that. And he told us that the younger players on the roster would make fun of him over the way he wore his jeans.

That's true. They made fun of Jim Dowd for wearing jeans that were too tight, and the young kids made fun of them for pulling his jeans up too high. Oh, man. I don't have that problem. And he was, again, maybe 32 or 33 years old at the time, but the roster was a little younger back then. Well, I don't know.

Actually, in the first couple years of the pigs, I guess it was a fairly even, even mix, you know, because they got the expansion draft. You got... She's 57 right now, Jim Dowd. Okay, so then I was right. 2000, 2001. Yeah. He was probably 33, something like that.

So here he comes. Jeff Petrie. Did you guys see them? Wasn't there a Jeff Petrie that played in the NBA? Yeah. Spelled G. G-E-O-F-F-P-T-R-E. I know you're correct about the last name.

Yeah, you were right. Played for Portland. Yeah. I'll be damn. Yeah. You can't trust anybody that spells Jeff that way, but... What about Jeff Tade of Queens-Rite? We were just talking about Queens-Rike.

Take that back. Oh, I didn't know he spelled. He didn't know he was a G-off. He is a G-F. Oh, yeah. Well, we went to... I went to... grade school with a kid who spelled his name,

G-E-O-F-F. Now, if you're my age, you'll know there was a video game that was popular at the time called G-Rf. So we called the kid G-G-F. Yeah, we went to, everybody called the guy at our school that spelled it that way G-OF. Yeah. Did anyone see the video of Pittsburgh Penguins?

Speaking of old-timers, Jesus, Balls. How old is a Gennie Malkin at this point? When is he going to leave us alone? Is he 40? I'll look it up. Again, he Malkin's going to get suspended. 39. Jesus.

In a game, I think it was last night, he slashed a member of the Buffalo Sabres right across the jaw. I imagine he's going to be suspended for that. I don't know if any of you saw the video. Was it on purpose? Oh, yeah, yeah. He was having a little temper tantrum. He was having, like, an I'm about to turn 40 temper tantrum on the ice. That's dangerous to do.

Wow. Well, I mean, but you know, the dude's wearing a helmet, a half shield, a collar, a mouth guard, a breathe right. He was wearing rec specs. He had Vaseline on his face, ear guards, and Adam's apple, a holder. But, I mean, it was a pretty vicious slash. I'm just, if you haven't seen the video, he'll have to sit down for a while. And I imagine the penguins probably aren't thrilled with that because they're, pushing for a playoff spot.

Oh, here's a good name. One of my favorite all-time pigs. We're talking about old hockey players and young hockey players. One of my all-time favorites. What a brilliant move it was in that year that they made the run to the conference final, 2003, 4, whatever it was. It was so long ago now I can't remember. Usually I'm fairly good at that stuff, but I can't remember which year it was.

Their third year, second year, they went all the way to the conference finals. What a brilliant move it was by Doug Ryan. Brow, I think, was making the calls back then. Oh, yeah. He was the GM. When he brought in Cliff Ronning. Cliff Running, yeah. I'm probably the only swinging D that remembers Cliff. Well, Randy sounds like he remembers diminutive little guy,

but he was a terrific veteran center that fit perfectly with that club. I mean, Cliff Roning, I watched him play at Met Center for the Vancouver Canucks. that was a great call love those old names I remember being at Metz We may see it We may see one more deal today

Before it's all set and done You'd think so Yep I think Bill Guerin probably has one more left in him One more roster move to get them set And you know of course for the 300th time Trocheque from the Rangers Is the guy we keep hearing about

but he's a very popular character, Trocheck, and a lot of different clubs would love to add him to their roster. You say you think the price is too high? Might be too expensive, yeah. Okay. That's what I'm reading a lot of, too, is that there's too many teams involved, and there's going to be somebody who maybe overpaid a little bit for him.

Yeah. F me run and Randy Shaver, now look what you started. Eastbound at Sundown-Geezes, texted in to say that Jeff Petrie, former NBA player, that you just talked about. Who shares the same name as the guy the pigs just traded for from the state of hockey and Florida. Jeff Petrie's dad is former Detroit Tiger pitcher Dan Petrie? Now we've got to look up.

Are they spelled differently? Are they spelled differently? Maybe not. We'll look up and see if that's a true fact. Yeah. I'm not sure if they're spelled the same. We'll look up and see if that's... Could be wrong.

But I remember being at Metcenter Watch Dan Petrie for sure I remember Dan Petrie, yes Oh yeah for sure I'm at Met Center watching the North Stars and the Vancouver Canucks Cliff Ronning was on that Vancouver roster And he was not a tall guy by damn at all

There's a drunk sitting next to me at Met Center He's drinking booze out of a fake pair of What do you call these, Judge? Glasses? Binoculars. Oh, Benoculars? I've seen those. he's got a fake pair of binoculars

the old Met Center trip yeah and he's he's I wondered why he's giggling his nuts off whenever he held the binoculars to his face and his friends are all laughing why is it so funny I kept thinking that he's looking through well they weren't real binoculars he had booze in there so he's drinking but he kept he kept shouting this at cliff running

all night long hey running stand up stand up will you running stand up a joke about his height didn't go anywhere but that was his gimmick that night jeff petrie is dan petrie son dude he is okay yeah it seems like every year they set a new record or two the professional women's hockey league have scheduled a game for april fourth at madison square Garden. The game is going to showcase the New York Sirens and the Seattle

Torrent. Torrent? Anyway. That's worse than the cracking. It is. Those two, well, maybe it's not. The two clubs will play April 4th, Madison Square Garden. The crowd is expected to set an attendance record for professional women's

hockey. That's awesome. Every year they keep cracking this record. Yep. Wide open. The current attendance record is 17,300 something. They expect 18,000 or so at this Madison Square Garden game.

I would say winning the Olympic gold medal will have something to do with the excitement surrounding the women's hockey as well. Well, Madison Square Garden, Randy Shaver, Upton said there was a significant uptick in ticket sales after Team USA won the gold medal.

Yep. Don't the Minnesota Frost sell out all or at least most of their games. I know they get good attendance. I don't know if I would sellouts, but yeah, it's usually pretty packed when I look at the highlights. I'd like to get one of those games.

They look like they're a lot of fun. Yeah, you should go. Golden Gopher Ladies Hockey has been knocked out of the WCHA tournament. They lost last night to Ohio State. They got shut out. So now they'll look ahead to the NCAA tournament, which begins March 12th.

The field of schools participating in the NCAA tournament will be announced this Sunday. Golden Gopher Dudes hockey. We're absolutely pumped at home by Michigan State last night. If I'm not mistaken, the damn final final was 7-1. And the same two clubs will play tonight right here in town. I'll always be thrown off by Thursday night college hockey games.

It's stupid. It is. It's not my thing. So for women's basketball, getting excited for that. They play this afternoon, right? They get Ohio State. Yep. Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

I missed that. Yeah, so they get Ohio State this afternoon, and, you know, obviously they've had a couple of buys. And this is part of the Big Ten tournament. Yep, that's correct. There's eight teams left, and there's been a couple of big upsets so far. I know Oregon knocked off Maryland, and there's been a couple of upsets, but the Gophers get Ohio State this afternoon. Okay. I'm sorry I missed that.

Thanks for adding that into the mix. Go get them. Let's go get them. Come on now. I'm on board with this. This is fun. This team is very talented. Timberwolves won their fifth straight basketball game.

Oh, God. This time it was over the Toronto Raptors at home. If this matters at all to you, it's the first time the wolves have swept the season series over Toronto in 20-some years or something silly like that. A lot of folks came away from last night's ballgame talking about Anthony Edwards dunking the basketball, smooth into the face, as they say. of a Raptors player by the name of R.J. Barrett.

Did you guys see this two-handed? I did. It was awesome. It was a slam dunk. Josh, have you seen the kids with the slam dunking? Yes. I wonder if Ashley put that on our website. I can't remember. I was reading Rudy Gobert's description of watching that happen because Gobert was thinking he might dump the ball off to him as he was going in.

But he said, once I saw him take a certain step or whatever, he goes, I knew he was going, nothing was going to stop him. I mean, he got way up there and just smashed it. I'm surprised that that R.J. Barrett didn't punch him in the face, too, the way. Well, they had a little bit of a shove afterwards because, you know, how Aunt is, he very animated after he slammed at home. I mean, he was screaming right in Barrett's face. I give R.J. Barrett a lot of credit for not punching Edwards in the mouth for the way he acted after he threw that slam dunk basket.

A big third quarter, though. It's part of a big third quarter for them to come back and play better. It's a big win. They're now in third place. I mean, the Rockets got Peterborough lost last night in overtime. So now the wolves are, this is the highest they've been all season. They're now in third place. So they can stay there.

That's a good spot to be in, I think. And we want to hope that Peter Burrow continues to lose. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think the wolves are going to be. able to get up into second place to the first one. I don't think that's possible.

No, they're five and a half back. Third is a good place to sit. Third is a good place to sit. Yeah, they're just looking at the standings. There's 20, I believe there's about 20 games left, give or take, for each team, and for San Antonio to lose even six more

the rest of the year and that's kind of a stretch. So that's not going to happen. So the wolf's got to look at being in third. You're right. I mean, third place gets you home court in the first round. Yep. Third words. It also hypothetically, avoids, you know, I know we talk about the Thunder, maybe not being what they were,

but they're going to be really, really tough once the playoffs come around. At least you avoid that matchup until the conference finals again. Well, and then let's see where Denver ends up, too. I mean, you know, I don't know who you would rather play. Would you rather play? Probably won't play the Rockets if they stay in the fourth spot. But, I mean, would you rather play Denver in the first round? Who do you want to play?

That's going to be the Sometimes we see teams try to position themselves. Yeah, right now it would be the Lakers. Well, I'd take the Lakers for sure. So would I. Yeah, I hate watching them, but they're probably a nice matchup. Yeah, we have no problem with third place around here, do we, Randy Shager? No, absolutely not.

We actually, Nick, we actually covet third place. Actually sell tickets to third place. Up next, the Timberwolves host the Orlando Magic tomorrow, afternoon, and that's Crunch's birthday party. Oh, that's always fun. Every year it falls on a home game date. And it's always kind of a different time of year, too. Birthdays kind of rotates a little bit.

Crunch's birthday party. This is cute. Now, Anthony Edwards has gone ahead and said that if the wolves win the NBA title before he turns 30, and he's currently sitting at, I think, 24 years old, if the wolves win it all before he turns 30, he's going to quit basketball and play football. I've read this, too. I love his confidence.

Yeah, I do too. So delusional. He said he would try to play wide receiver or maybe backup quarterback in the National Football League. Okay. Oh, my God. I don't doubt that he could do it.

There's no question the dude's athletic. Did he play football? Yeah. Yeah. You were the best player in your team. Then we're talking. You could hit the ball. Our fourth, fifth hitter.

You know what that mean. Clean up. Straight cleanup on aisle three. Come get it. Sounds like you're just an athlete. Yeah. Ping pong, baseball, football, basketball. Tennis, swimming, lacros.

Whatever you need me to play, I'm going to go do it. If there's some money on the line, I'm going to go do it. Can you golf? Whatever you need me to do. Hockey. Whatever on the ring, whatever you need me to do, it don't matter. Got it. Trash can ball.

Whatever you want. Trash can ball. Cook food. You can go pro. Cook food. That's something to do. I bet I'd be A1 from day one. That he's great. I know. I love him. I believe that was his rookie year he did an interview. It was. Yeah. Marnie Gelner.

I like when he gets frustrated. Can you play baseball? Anything you want. Can you golf? Anything you want. Did you not hear me the first time? I thought maybe was your proud of hockey, he might hesitate a little bit. No, no. He committed. Cook food. Yeah. Fresh can ball.

I'd have some spaghetti meatballs at ant cooked up. I don't, why would you doubt that he could play wide receiver? Now, quarterback's a different story, but why would you doubt that he could play wide receiver? I never would. In the National Football League, I don't have a doubt in my mind

he could play wide receiver in the National Football League. Is there anybody who doubts him? No, I mean. I do. Why? Is he fast? Is he known for being fast? I don't know.

Actually, that's the one thing that I would be curious about. That's the only thing. A hundred mile an hour football when he's about to get hit by a safety. I'm sorry? Yeah. I said, can he catch a hundred mile an hour football when he's about to get drilled by a safety? He's 6.5 or something, isn't he?

What the hell is he? 6.4? It doesn't matter, though. It doesn't matter that he's 6'4 and weighs like 200 and some pounds? Well, no, it matters. We're not talking 1979. You guys watch today's football. It's almost illegal to hit someone these days.

Well, he's not wide receipts. Here's where I would give him a chance. If he decided that, you know what, I'm going to spend a year, well, he probably would only last a year because of the grades. But if he decided with NIL and all the stuff that's going on out, because of the grades, what does that mean? Because if he wanted to go back to college, go back to Georgia, because he'd have to be eligible.

And spend a semester or two in school and play for Georgia and walk on at Georgia and prove that he could play there, then yeah. You don't think he could just walk on. Look at some of the gibronies that are third-wide receivers in the NFL these days. They can barely run a route. I don't know why you guys would doubt him. I don't know. What about grades?

What did he have bad grades or something? No, I'm just saying he'd have to have good grades to be eligible to play football. No, he doesn't have to go back to Georgia. You don't think Anthony Edwards can just walk up to the Chicago Bears and say, hey, I'd like to try out. Something I might use it as a publicity stunt. Sure. Yeah. We've seen that done here. Yeah. Didn't Brock Lesnar just show up and say, I want to play football? They sold his jersey.

Yeah. So Edwards doesn't have to go back to college. I bet you any team would have them there for a tryout just for laughs. I don't doubt that he has the athletic ability to do it. I don't have a doubt in my mind. He has the athletic ability to try to do it. Yes, I agree with that. I hope he can prove you wrong someday. He says, I might try to play quarterback, probably backup quarterback. I ain't really got to play unless my starter gets hurt.

Everybody loves the backup. He's right about that. If under this scenario that happens, that means the Wolves won an NBA title. I think we'd all take that. Now, if you want to debate him versus J.J. McCarthy, I'm here for that. Yeah.

I thought we were... I thought we were going to mention that name this offseason. Yeah, I don't have a doubt in my mind. Oh, and someone just... How about that? Speaking of football, Dana, DJ Moore, really? You think DJ Moore is the number one receiver that Buffalo needs? I think it's the first of a couple moves they need to make, but when people were asking me about it yesterday,

I was like, well, he has two hands and he can run a 40 in under 30 seconds, so we'll take it. They gave up a second round pick for him. Are you kidding? So DJ Moore is not a very good wide receiver. You got the Buffalo bills traded for him anyway? Yeah, I mean, they got to get it. Josh some help, Josh Allen some help anyway. So they might have overpaid, but...

I think they definitely overpaid. I'm really surprised they did that. So you don't think that... I don't even know who DJ Moore is, but you don't think that Anthony Edwards could do what DJ Moore does? No, he cannot. No.

Can't. Someone said something about the Oklahoma City Thunder earlier. Did anyone see the friggin dumbest fur coat in the history of mankind? Now, I know for sure this is on 93X.com. The fur coat that that friggin' phony MVP,

Shea Gilgis Alexander, wore to a press conference the other day. This is the worst coat that anyone has ever worn. You're off the hook, Cam Newton. And I'd imagine it was insane expensive, too, to look that stupid. Check it up. It looks like he works at a theme park, and he just kind of had half of his outfit down. Right, you didn't have the mascot head on.

Yeah, he looks like a mascot missing the head that you said this is up on our website? Yes. Check it out, Randy and Brad. Someone said he looks like a bad guy from the movie Zoolander. But that's what these guys do now. I mentioned this a couple of days ago. They do this fashion contest. And the more outrageous it is, they know the more clicks they'll get.

This is the little game within the game. It's a fashion show. And the team's social media accounts kind of enhanced because they always do like fit check. They show, you know, Carl Anthony Towns walking in and see what he's wearing, that type of thing. He looks very comfy, cozy. That's become the big deal is the players walking into the arena. That shot from, you know, where they parked their car to the time they get to the actual locker room door. That's become the shot now.

Even in the NFL. I like seeing them. That's become the shot, too. That's fun for me. I'd go to the other round, walk in wearing these sweatpants with holes in them and a pair of flip-flops and, you know, a t-shirt that I had since high-scent. school. I think there's a couple good ones. Your guys who do that on purpose, too. So everyone's got to check this

out on 93x.com. This is probably the most ridiculous outfit I've ever seen from a pro athlete. Someone on social media said that Shay Gilgis, Alexander looks like he just got off work playing Teddy Ruckspin

at a kid's birthday party. Was it was it Mac Collins at the Super Bowl that dressed in a prisoner outfit? That was him. Mack Hollins is an odd dude. He doesn't wear shoes unless he's playing football. He's barefoot all the time.

We worked for the guy like that. Except for the football part. That's like a whole community. Yeah. He doesn't wear shoes. It's a community? Yeah. We knew a dude that he never wore shoes.

Yeah, we worked with a guy. You're right. He didn't like to wear shoes. He was as hippie-dippy as you can get. Oh, yeah. He used, you know, potato rinds for deodorant

he would like he kind of smoked weird cigarettes he smoked weird cigarettes he would he would style his hair with swamp gas or something I don't know he was one of the funniest people

I've ever met a real bright guy but he was definitely a little odd he always smelled like patchouli or marijuana and he would walk around the building in his little skinny bare feet Yeah, he would take the city bus You know, he'd even wear

On the bus with bare feet, walk around town You haven't seen that scent in the deodorantile, Randy, Old Spice, potato rinds? What about swamp gas, hair moose? Have you ever heard of the He would trim his pubs with a cigarette lighter? It was just Come on.

20 years ago today, we lost turkey bucket. Man. Oh, man. It was a long ago. I can't believe that, Brad Reiter. I remember that. I was yesterday. I was still with the twins in. You were working for the ball club?

Yeah. Hard. Must have been a tough vibe in the room there for a while. Yeah. 20 years ago today. Oh, I remember the memorial service at the Metro. Oh, I watched it.

I watched every second of it, and I cried like a child. Yeah. Kirby died at 45 years old 20 years ago. after suffering a terrible stroke while he was living down there in Arizona. That was just such a shocking turn of events. It took the breath out of every damn last one of us. His health just went south.

It's just sad. Well, was, I know the guy loved to eat and his weight became an issue. His weight became... That was a problem, yes. Was there evidence that his weight caused this, or was this just a freak deal? It's been 20 years I don't remember the conversation.

I don't recall what the, you know, if that was an issue, certainly he was heavy. You know, he just didn't look at a contributing factor. Now, you know, just a couple days I was telling you about when I got Tom Kelly on the telephone one day. Well, I told you that we got Tom Kelly on the telephone on this radio station. to talk about Kirby's retirement. And he was swearing a bunch off air, but once we got TK on air, he was beautiful.

I neglected to mention that on that same day, we got Kirby on the telephone, which was a massive thrill. I think on that day we talked to TK, we talked to Kent Herbeck, and then it was like a last second thing. Kirby called us back and said he would go on the air and talk about his retirement.

So I was working with a guy And this was, I mean, for me, a kid who grew up here I was so excited to talk to Kirby Not only off air, but on air Got him on the telephone off air I was wishing him, you know, congratulations on a great career And if you remember how Kirby was He was like, thanks man, cool man

Oh yeah, man You know how he always talked very quickly Ended almost every sentence with man Yeah So we get him on air A guy I was working with at the time who's no longer with us. Josh knows who I'm talking about.

One of the wildest some bitches either one of us have ever known, correct, Josh? Oh, easily, yeah. That's another dude that was really funny. But you were kind of scared to be around him because you never knew what was going to happen. He was an unhinged character. I loved him.

Me too. So we get Kirby on the phone, and as you might imagine, it was pretty emotional for everybody to wish him a fond farewell as far as baseball goes. But it's shocking. We shocked everyone in the room when this wild character, it was cabby.

I don't know why I'm keeping it a secret. Right. But some folks might remember him. We had him on air on 93.7 The Edge. We called him crazy cabby because he was a real cab driver that would call the show every day. And then finally he said, can I be on the show? And we said, okay. And then he went on and worked for KQ.

And then he went on to work for Howard Stern. And he died young. and it was very sad. I really, I had a lot of great times with him. But at the time, when we had Kirby on the telephone, Cabby had never shown us this side of him. But suddenly he gets very emotional on the telephone with Kirby. And he says, you know what?

I had a tough childhood. I didn't get along with my parents, and there was many, many dark times. And he says, but watching you play baseball was one of the things that got me through. And it's total silence again because none of us expected this. Total silence, and you suddenly

hear Kirby's voice and he says, it's going to be okay, man. I thought it was the sweetest thing. That's cool. Yeah, in the whole world. He didn't know Kavie or any of us for Dick, but he let it set for a while and it's going to be okay, man.

It was a cool moment. Hard to believe it was 20 years ago. Oh, my God, what the hell is this? Don't play with me. Someone just texted in to tell me that Mike Zimmer is dead? I'm Googling it. I don't see anything yet. Why the hell would you text in and tell us that Mike Zimmer is dead?

Unless he really is dead. We'll get back to you on that. That's shocking. Dana, you're on social media. Yeah, I'm checking Twitter right now. I'm not seeing anything. Googling it. You know, it's weird.

There's almost a race to Wikipedia to put somebody's dead, you know? Yeah. And it's not on there yet. So if that's the case, I'm not seeing it. Dana, you just mentioned you. Yeah, I'm on Twitter right now. Let's just hope that's not true. Yeah, we'll get back to you.

Say a prayer for this gal. A lady is suing the Los Angeles Dodgers. She says she suffered an injury when she was hit in the shoulder at a Dodger game last summer. She was hit in the shoulder, again with this, by a buzz ball. Those are everywhere lately. When we talked about buzz balls a couple weeks ago, it's the first time I ever heard of it. And you're right. Now it seems like there's a story every few days on a buzz ball.

Right. I know Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder, you guys haven't been involved in these past buzzball conversations. Yeah, what is that? It's a little circular. It looks like a Christmas ornament with a beer can top. It's an alcoholic drink. It's a little shot of hooch. Okay.

And like Ashley and Josh said, shaped like a Christmas ornament, you'd pop the top on it, you'd drink. They call it a buzz ball. They sell them at Dodger Stadium. And this gal said that she's at a game last summer. And a buzz ball was thrown, dropped, or otherwise propelled from an elevated seating or standing area above where she was sitting. And it struck her directly in the shoulder with significant force. How much force?

Like Josh was saying... Like Josh was saying... I'm not going to be liable for that. The team isn't going to be liable for that. I have never heard of a buzzball until a couple of weeks ago. Can anyone estimate the weight of one buzz ball? Not much.

Not much at all. She claimed the impact caused immediate pain, bruising, swelling, the loss of normal use of her arm. What? Oh, my God. As a result of this incident, everybody, her lawyer says, their four-day family vacation to Los Angeles and Disneyland was disrupted. Oh, no. The family was deprived.

The family was deprived of their intended enjoyment. Additionally, when a grown woman took a buzz ball off the shoulder, additionally, oh God, her two young children were at the game. they witnessed this. They experienced fear, shock, emotional distress from seeing their mother in such great turmoil. The Dodgers should have known her lawyer says that serving alcoholic beverages and containers capable of being thrown or falling from elevated areas creates a foreseeable risk of harm to spectators. Now, you ask the wait, I can tell you, when you search buzzball, you find a little more than you expect.

Oh, I bet. It looks like it weighs about, oh my God, 0.6 pounds. Somebody else says it weighs about 3.50. Yeah. Tree Fitty? Three Fitty. This woman continues to suffer from physical pain, emotional distress, and loss of enjoyment of life on top of past and future medical expenses.

The Dodgers are in big, big trouble. No, they're not. When you, when you participate in, just a ticket to a game, that stuff is in the fine print. They are not liable. Correct. They're not liable. A few of our listeners say that buzzballs are great for camping. Oh, I betton. I can see that. A minor league baseball club known as the Lake County Dockhounds is going to go ahead and change their team name temporarily for one weekend. They're going to change their team name to the Wisconsin dive bars. I like that. Yeah, they're going to roll out this

new vibe this July. They got new hats, jerseys, T-shirts, all of them available on the team's website. It is sharp-looking stuff. I looked up the merch for the Wisconsin dive bars, and it is pretty good. Pretty good looking stuff. Anyone got a story about like the favorite

thing they've ever seen or done at a dive bar? Doesn't have to be a Wisconsin dive bar. I guess that's where I tried to put a cow and got shocked by an electric fence was at a Wisconsin dive bar. You tried to put a cow? I tried to pet a cow.

Pet a cow. Yeah, this Wisconsin dive bar, of course, very Wisconsin, had a farm. Like in the, it was a part of the bar. It was like in the backyard, basically. And I went out there and tried to pet a cow. And I got shocked the first time. And it didn't really register what happened. And so then I went to go do it again and got shocked again.

I was like, oh, yeah, electric fence. People have those. You must have been pretty hammered. Yeah, it was pretty too dumb. Yeah, the best part is that I didn't tell anybody I was going outside. So I just, like, disappeared. And I left my phone on the little front porch they had there. And so they came out to look for me and found my phone.

And the bar was just off a highway. And they're like, where the heck did she go? She got kidnapped. Oh, man. I mean, I've seen all kinds of cool gimmicks, you know. Some places like to force their pickled pigs' feet special on you now and again. It's gross. No thanks.

You know, gimmicky things on the wall, fun little contests. I mean, you know, contests at the bar. like who can do this or that. Yeah. You play a little 6-5-4, you play little threes are free. But trying to think of, I mean, I've been to a couple of bars,

dive bars, where it's obvious that it used to be somebody's house. Oh, those are always the best ones. Yeah. But maybe this just comes to mind. I remember hitting a really small town strip joint in the afternoon, like a Friday afternoon. And we had like 9, 10, 12 guys on this road trip.

we walk in the bartender more or less was asleep behind the bar bartender owner yeah there's one girl one working girl um and she's fully dressed just kind of sitting there well when we walked in this bartender wakes up and he's like well welcome on in boys what can i get you pap's blue ribbon this that old milwaukee he's excited he's gonna make some money during a time when he normally makes none and he hollers at the girl get your ass in the back we got customers here and she's like, yay, I get to make some money. So she goes into the locker room, puts on her stripper outfit, comes back out onto the stage.

Unz, once, uns, uns, once. And she's dancing around. Well, we should have been up front with the guy right from the get-go. We were only there for a quick one. The guy was on the telephone. He's like, hey, Misty, Twistie, uh, uh, genitalia, uh, areola. Get your ass over here. Oh, now you got to stay there.

Yeah. He's dialing up all the girls. girls. 12 guys just walked in. They got 20s in their... Get your ass over here. We choked down the one beer. We start walking out the door and the guy goes, where the hell are you going? Sorry, bro. We're moving

on to the next choice. I just called Misty and Twistie and Genitalia and what do they call this again? Aeriala. I just called all of them. And we left the guy with this sad dive bar look on his face. I've seen a lot of cool stuff at dive bars. It's just not a bunch

of stuff is coming to mind. It all just blends together. I got, oh, I did just remember one time this guy won a crap ton of money on one of the pole tab, or not pull tab, the slot machines there. And he came back the next day to receive his money. And that whole entire week, every time he came into the bar, he would buy the whole bar, a couple rounds of drinks, buy some pizzas. It was awesome.

That's awesome. My favorite dive bar characters are the old timers that sit there in the afternoon and they got the remote and they're watching like pawn stars. Oh, dude, that's the best. They're controlling the volume. They're flipping during the commercials. I love those guys. I have watched the most Wheel of Fortune I've ever watched in my life at a bar in Wisconsin.

Yeah, game show network. That's another big one they'd like to throw on. If I showed up during a weekday, if say I would get done working here so then I'd, you know, arrive at home at like 11 a.m. Because of how far the tribe was. And if I stopped at the bar, I'd walk in there and there would be like five, six old guys sitting there drinking coffee. They would have like their morning coffee there and read the newspaper and have a little meeting on what's happening in the town.

I hate to break this to you, Ashley, but that's every single bar in the world. I'd go and sit with them. The old guys up. Big Al and I walked into a dive bar in Isle, Minnesota once on a Friday night, Friday night. And there was one TV up on the wall and it was playing the cooking channel. Oh, yeah. And we thought that was weird that there's not one swinging D here in the bar. bar that wants to put it on the ball game.

But we were outsiders, right? We didn't say anything. We drank our beers. We went somewhere. We came back to the same bar the next night. And the TV was still on the cooking channel. And Big Al had to say something. He pulls the bartender aside and says,

not one guy came in here in the last 24 hours and asked you to change the friggin' channel off the cooking channel. Nobody here watches go for hockey. No one here watches a while? How to hell at a bar? How did the cooking channel stay on for 24 straight hours? The bartender had no answer for it. Maybe they're subtly trying to sell food.

They're trying to get you hungry. Oh, yeah. Uh-huh. Always works. All right, we got to go. You guys have a terrific weekend. Brad Ryder. Thanks for everything.

Randy Shaver Drive safe and we'll talk to the both of you is on Monday. Sounds good. Wonderful. I got a wonderful feeling from all that, Josh. Yeah, it was good. the 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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763-571-2410 or go to BialkiLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-I-L-L-T-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-TOL. Once you have that, your salary becomes moot. What matters from that point forward, upside gains. Any type of ownership stake or ownership potential, that's the money. Remember, you can afford anything, just not. everything. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The Half-ass Morning Show, 93X. Mm, that's all this noise. She's our final, final. Hope you find yourself looking at the weekend off as well. I feel pretty damn good about it. This year is the 93X Half-Ass Morning Show.

Maybe get your filthy hands on a case of those buzz balls. Just don't throw them at anybody. Kick back and have the time of your life. weekend. I see him in liquor stores, but I've never seen anyone actually drink one. I guess maybe because I'm 40 and not 22. The color is very suss to me. Something that color isn't going to feel good in my tummy. No, that's not going to feel good the next day.

Oh, you're talking about inside? Yeah, or even an hour after. I bet there's a lot of sugar in those things. We've been, again, sucked into the topic of buzz balls. Sorry if you're very learned on buzz balls and maybe you're burned out on the topic. This is all mostly brand new to us. buzz balls made their way into our conversation a little while ago. Someone texted in and said, they're good for camping.

Got a text message from Peterbilt Jesus. And he said, you know, another thing that's great for camping is not doing it at all in the first place. I love camping. I have somebody who tried to convince me to go camping once. I'm like, no, I'm not going to go camping. They're like, well, no. I mean, it's, yeah, we pitch a 10. We just kind of get drunk by the fire.

I'm like, I can get drunk at home. I can get drunk at a bar. I don't need to go in the middle of the woods. where there's bears and sleep on the ground to do that. I've done it a couple times. It was fun. I love. I mean, in high school it was code for sex.

Sure. You know, anytime someone's going camping, you knew exactly what that meant. We did it all the time when we were kids. My folks had a pop-up camper. For you folks who go this way, we would camp quite regularly just outside of Aiken, Minnesota, on Hickory Lake. And there's still a campground in that spot. Mostly it's RVs now.

But the campground when I was a kid was called Big K Campground on Hickory Lake, just shy of Aiken. I'll never forget waking up in the middle of the night and watching that pop-up camper rock violently to the left and right because of a tornado that was coming through. And seeing my dad just periodically lit up by the lightning with his hands on either side, standing in the middle of the camper with his hands on either side of it, trying to balance that. He's got the cigarette going.

I was like a five-year-old kid. I woke up and just thought, oh, my, damn, this is. I've mostly enjoyed myself on camping trips. I mean, it's like anything else. If you're ready for it, if you've got a nice place to sleep, you're prepared for the elements, this and that. If you're prepared, you'll have a great time. If all you have is a sleeping bag and a wet pillow and a $2.

tent, you're screwed. The quality of the campground also makes a difference. You go to a garbage campground, you're going to be with garbage people. Many years ago, we went camping just for the hell of it. We were young people, again, looking to get hammered and maybe meet some new talent in the small town. We went to a garbage campground. There ended up being garbage people so bad that our neighbors in the campground at 3.30 in the morning, we had to break up a fight between a able-bodied man who is beating up a man in a wheelchair. Come on. That's when that happened.

Yes. I'm sorry. Are you busy over here beating up someone in a wheelchair? You can't do that. 3.30 in the morning we had to deal with this. So that comes into play too. Garbage campground, garbage people. These people next door to us where the guy was punching the lights out of a man in a wheelchair,

I don't even think they were camping and they just had nowhere else to stay. We're bored. Do you want to go down the campground and beat up somebody in a wheelchair? Sure. Yeah, sure. Let's do it. I always enjoyed myself. As a matter of fact, it's something that my wife and I have discussed, maybe going out and getting one of those fancy schmancy, you know, RVs. Yeah, that'd be so much fun. And making that be our summer thing. I don't know.

I got to retire from this disaster first, I think, before we make that a reality. Okay, I'm turning this pig over to the young people here. I'm turning this over to the young people. this is not something that I get myself involved in at all. It's about group chat etiquette. Do you have any pet peeves, any of you? Josh, it didn't mean to exclude you, but I just figured that young people would have more experience with this.

Oh, certainly. I've learned a lot actually from Ashley about texting and everything I have you doing wrong. Any pet peeves on the topic of group chat etiquette? Like, what do they call that again? I'll get there. A mass text? Do they call it a group text? Yeah, not everything needs to be replied to.

I'm with you on that. So my son's in a bunch of them and his phone is blown up all the time and it drives me crazy. I don't know how it makes him not go nuts. And it's all worthless, stupid stuff for the most part. Yeah. I hate group chats. I don't like being a part of one. My main group chat with my two best friends. It drives my wife insane. She's like, you don't need to tell them everything that we're doing at all times. Yeah, definitely that would make me crazy. I don't remember why it came up with the last time we talked about it. I'm basically in two. And it's very infrequent. One here with you guys. That one's more common. Yeah, that's the only one that doesn't bother me. But my entire family, you know, we're planning on a trip here. We have a group chat about this.

So I'm in that. And Ashley, it made me feel some shame that I'm only in, at the time, just with you guys. I wasn't in any other group chats. I'm not involved in any of them. Yeah, I'm in a couple. And I usually don't reply to them. I just read. And I'm like, all right, well, that's cool.

I'm glad I read that information. There's a couple where it's like, there's always somebody that has to be a comedian every single time when it's unneeded. That gets a little old. I always feel bad when it's a group chat with Android users and iPhone users because I'll like, you know how Josh, you can just like a message or like react

to a message. I always feel bad because I know it doesn't come across the same on an Android and that it can be like more annoying. Oh, that's changed. It does now. Oh, it has. I thought that was different at this year. Cool. Now I don't feel bad. Awesome. So the question is, have you ever been on a group chat with way too many people or a few people who text way too much? I got put into one not too long ago and it was some random scam but some of the people were replying to it like with funny gifts and that that was good. That was really good. Here is a rundown of group chat etiquette according to some some bitch in

England who follows this type of a thing. Don't waste people's time. Don't ask questions. You know, think before you message. Don't waste people's time with extra dings for no reason. Don't ask questions you could answer yourself. Remember the aim of the chat. If it's about spring break planning, don't share a bunch of unrelated stuff.

Stay on topic now. Stay on topic. I can't hold it. Stay on topic. What movie? Star Wars, before they. the fat guy dies in his spaceship. Sorry, go ahead.

I was going to say, it is really frustrating. Like you said, spring break, say we're planning a bachelor party. And I only know about three or four of the numbers in there because it's kind of like a wide, a big reach of people, you know? Oh, I hate that. So then there's all these unknown numbers and they're all replying with different inside jokes that I'm not a part of. And it's, oh, God, just tell me where to be and when I need to be there.

No, I think that if you're in a group chat and you don't know, like, the majority of the numbers, like if it's something for like fantasy football, this happened to me this year. I know two people. You have to reply with your name. Please reply, like, end the message with from Ryan. Because I don't, who are you? I kind of think the mass emails are worse when people are responding with comedy. There's no real point to what they say, like, cool.

You know, like you could have just got back to that person individually or not at all. And you don't need to reply all all the time. Yes, I find it absolutely hilarious. when our big boss sends an email to, like, all of us in the building. And there's always a couple people that have to reply to be like, hey, we're buddies. I'll reply to your email. The worst reply all happened to my ex-wife.

She worked at Thompson Reuters, Josh, kind of by your house. And they have a thousand employees there or something, but globally they have like 20,000, 30,000 employees. And somehow somebody accidentally sent one to the entire company worldwide. And everybody kept replying, take me off of this, you know, this and that. And it just, it went on for days and days. There's thousands of emails.

There's just a total disaster. Like shut down production for like three days. All right. You mentioned you don't always need to reply. Okay, that falls into this conversation on group chat etiquette. By the way, can we go back to camping real quick? A listener texted in, Josh. Do you know what you call sex while camping?

Intense. F and intense. Yeah. F and intense. What do I say here now? Group chat. Like buzz balls, this is all new to me. Keep it clean and decent.

Oh, come on. That's not fun. No, no, no. You don't have to keep it clean. Pends on the audience. Less can be more. Don't write a novel. Clarity and style do matter if it's not a, it's not a college essay.

So grammar doesn't matter so much, but at least do your best to be clear and concise. And I guess there's a proper way to leave a group chat. I'll just read what's in front of me. If the constant dings get too annoying, maybe just mute the conversation. I do that a lot. But if you do need to duck out, I can't follow this.

Whether you announce it or not depends on context and who's in the group. I don't know. What's wrong with just stopping your involvement in that? You have to say I'm leaving? No, I don't think you should. I think you can just opt out, right? Isn't, doesn't everybody find out though?

Dana's left the chat. Yeah, you do see that. There's a notification for that. I think that's hilarious. Yeah, okay, there you go. You guys sound like you have some issues with how it all works itself out. Yep. I'm part of two group chats and it's kind of the main source of entertainment for my day.

Just me and my friends, busting balls and telling jokes and stuff. It's fun. I like it. Is your phone going off like crazy? Yeah. Yeah, my son's, like I said, it's quite a few, and I don't get it. My husband has like a work chat or a group chat with some of the people he works with, and that thing is always going off.

And I like, I don't know why, but it just annoys me. It has no reason to annoy me. It's not your phone. Like you guys are still talking? Mailhucker, Jesus said the post office has like 700,000 employees. Every once in a while, someone does a reply all, and it's a few weeks of snarky replies. That's kind of fun, though. One of our listeners is a retired Marine, and he's in a text chat with fellow retired Marines, and he says it gets pretty gross.

I bet. Half-assed morning show, 93X. Hey, as we close this nightmare out, Dana, are you planning on giving away some more tickets to our summer rash? Sure am. At 9 a.m., somewhere's near there. Dana will cough up your chance to win tickets to our half-ass morning show, Summer rash, which is happening. somewhere. July 16th at that fancy old new Mystic Lake Amphitheater.

He'll give you all the inflammation. Okay. A minute ago we were talking about camping and Josh pointed something out. Josh pointed out that camping has made a list of things you're too old to pretend to like. That's kind of a complicated title. So let's just simplify it. Someone thinks that old people shouldn't go camping. right that's basically what they're saying old people should let it go it's a young person's game

so let's go this way Ashley's the youngest character on the program and you're opinionated about what old people should and shouldn't do which at times is very humbling to myself Josh and I are the old timers so you go ahead and tell us this is going to be rapid fire kind of a thing Ashley I'm going to name something from this report that apparently has an age limit on and you tell Josh and I if we are too old for the following. And you can give us a reason why real quick if you'd like, okay? As quickly as we can get through it. Are Josh and I too old for the following?

Nightclubs. Yes. Absolutely. You know, I'm not going to disagree. No, no, this isn't meant to be an argument. Not meant to be an argument. I imagine Josh and I will agree with most of this. So why are we too old for nightclubs?

You just shouldn't be out there in like skinny jeans. dancing. It's a 21-year-old situation. Okay. I shouldn't even be at nightclubs. No, I felt too old for nightclubs like 25. Are we too old to camp? I don't think so. Most old people got like the RVs and stuff.

Again, just like we discussed 20 minutes ago, 15 minutes ago, if you're prepared for it, if you've got the gear and the RV and the beautiful, you've got the canopy with your table and your food, if you're prepared, camping is all. all ages. Are we too old to be moving our friends into a new apartment? Yes, you shouldn't be moving anybody, not even your kids. You know, it's funny, Poltab-Voyer-Sheis text in and said the same thing. Too old to be helping people move. I would never ask my parents to help me move. My mom just does it because she she's awesome like that. I busts Cubbies balls all the time. It wasn't that long ago. He's like, well, I got to get out of here a little early, you know, at work. What are you doing?

Oh, I'm helping my stepson move into his new. What are you talking about? What the How's a 50-year-old man. This kid's a step-son, stepdaughter, 21, 22. Why the hell are you coming anywhere near that nightmare? Well, you know, I just mentioned humbling. The last time I helped their move, which was just, you know, a few months ago, I literally thought I was going to have a heart attack. The point where I had to pretend, I'm like, yeah, I got to run in the other room here.

Does she not have any friends? Oh, she's got plenty of them, but it was. She's out of town all the time. That's just the silliest thing that you've been. I like to help, but boy, oh boy, going up and down those stairs, I realized I'm really getting old, man. Ashley, are we too old to stay out past midnight? Yes. Are we too old to have small talk with strangers?

Oh, Josh is never too old to have small talk with. To me, that's an older person thing. Yeah, absolutely. I don't understand why that makes the report. Are we too old for IKEA? Maybe too old to be putting stuff together from IKEA. I just didn't. It wasn't IKEA, but I just put some furniture together last week.

I love doing that. And I bet it was for your kids, wasn't it? Yeah, one of them was. Dude, isn't that the best? It is fun. Are we too old for TikTok dances? Yes, yes, you're too old for TikTok. Oh, this picture Nick and Josh do a TikTok dance.

Have you ever seen either of us attempt a TikTok dance? Maybe Josh, he dances weird sometimes. What do you mean weird? Didn't you dance today? I did. I danced for you today. He is the absolute worst dancer that has ever friggin' live. Those were my best movie.

I danced for Ashley today. Are we too old for music festivals? Yes. Are we too old for karaoke? No, that's an old people thing. Are we too old to go to the fun park like the Valley Fair? No, but isn't there like some rules if you got a heart issue, you can't be going on in roller coasters? Yeah, I don't mess around with.

I'll go on that wild thing because it's just pure speed, but don't turn me upside down. I'll end up in the emergency room. Are we too old for, this is stupid. Of course we are. Too old to play drinking games. No, I don't think so. Oh, really? I love, love, love, love, love.

when I go to a reunion with my family and some of the older people join in on the drinking games. It makes it so much more fun. I thought for sure you were going to say we're too old for. She's wrong. We are too old for drinking games. Are we too old to sit through a super long movie? Yeah, we'll fall asleep. Or you'll have to go to the bathroom.

Dude, Nick, I can't even stay up through TV shows anymore. Like we just last night right before bed, my wife's like, hey, this new episode of this came out. Let's watch it. And I was going to skip through the recap, and I realized, man, I slept through the end. entire last episode. I need that recap. And then I fell asleep through last night. I can't even stay up on a TV

show anymore. Are we too old to sleep on someone's couch? Yes. Are we too old for shots? I thought you meant. I thought he meant like going to the doctor. Vaccines. Well, I had a dog that was too old for shots. He died.

But then he woke back up again. You already covered this. We're too old for skinny jeans. Absolutely. Anyone over 12 is too old for. Are we too old for escape rooms? My wife, I don't know what it is. I get stuck in there forever. Yeah, really.

My wife is always wanting to go to an escape room. Me too. I'll do one with her. That would be so much fun. She would love it. Absolutely love it. Really? It's like a new thing for her.

We have very different wives. She doesn't like that. When my wife and I were mall walking the other day, she said, hey, you want to go try that escape room? And I said, what? Where? She said, I'm kidding. That's the stupidest thing in the whole world.

Are we too old for air mattresses? Yes. Are we too old for bar hopping? No, never too old. Are we too old for the gym? No, there's a lot of, I always see the old time, because I, you know, well, I don't go to the gym anymore, but when I used to, I would go after work. There'd always be, just be me and the old people hanging out. Are we too old to be driving more than 30 minutes?

I'm going to say yes, just so that you don't have to drive. Are we too old to be at concerts where you have to stand the entire time? Everybody is. There should always be seating at concerts. Agreed. Once you sit at a concert, you'll never want to go back. Yeah, in the same way, I used to be, I have to be on the floor, I got to be as close. as possible. And then one time I couldn't get floor seats, so I sat, you know, kind of near the stage. I go, this is the life. This is wonderful. I just, I straightable not buy, uh, concert tickets

if there's no seating. My kids are the opposite. They want to, they still are wanting to go stand. I mean, I, I, well, there's times I'm like, hey, I'm sorry. I can only get you the, the standing ones, you know. I mean, if I had some adder off. Wow. If you have to. If you have to stand. I can still. do it, but it's going to... I'm going to complain. I'm going to feel it the next day. I mean, I'm not going to stand for everybody.

But if you have to... Here's a guy just texted in and said, this is Nacho. Speaking of, you know, Dana's going to cough up those concert tickets in a minute. Nacho says I'm 56. I'm too old for a Creed concert. I don't think so. No, we mentioned Nacho. You're not too old for that. Yeah, if you have to stand,

yeah, whatever. Like for Iron Maiden, coming up in a couple months? Yeah, yeah. But their songs are too long, though. Certainly prefer not to. You felt it in your legs before. Oh, yeah, we were just talking about the Megadeth show, where it's like, geez, this is one of my favorite bands, but I don't know if I can stand any long. Jeez, Louise. I remember ice fishing with my dad.

My dad might have been 60, 60, 65. We were ice fishing in the middle of Lake Minnetonka. and there was a knock at the door and it was a older character and a young kid. They were from Australia. And they had never walked on ice before. They'd never seen a frozen lake before. Obviously they'd never seen anyone driving a car, ice fishing, nothing.

So they were curious and they had a bunch of questions for us. You really drove out here? How much ice does their need for the drive? And it was hilarious because the adults in this Australian couple did most of the talking. But the last question that we fielded, was from the little kid who looked into my dad's eyes and said, aren't you a little too old to fish? And my dad put his finger in this kid's chest and said,

yes, I am. Don't forget this weekend, daylight saving time. We fall back 2 a.m. on Sunday. Happy birthday to Frankie Ruth, turning the big old four today from Dad, HLFD. Mexican painter Jesus. Happy birthday to condoms prevent many vans Jesus from her husband.

He's hoping you have a great day. And happy early birthday to one hot milf, Angelica, turning 32 tomorrow from her fiancé, muscled dilf Jesus. Did I say, what did I say? Fall Back. I meant spring ahead. I'm sorry to touch you off. Well, now I can't.

Sometimes I'm getting too old where I forgot what I said. So spring ahead. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat.

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