93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Dildo Park

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

Originally Aired June 23, 2026: The C-Word. Mountain Dew donuts. Everything you've ever wanted to know about Beaver Liquors.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member with Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up.

And hey, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. Ninety-three. Unbelievable. Or as my pal, hairdo would say, unbelievable. It really is just to be sitting here on a Tuesday morning, and we're so happy to be joined by the beautiful people,

the brotherhood and the sisterhood. Welcome to today's program. You hungry, Cubby? Usually. Are you getting enough to eat? You sound like my mom. Any problem a person could have, it's because they're not eating enough. Ah, mom, I, you wouldn't believe it.

I ran out of gas. Well, are you eating enough? Are you getting enough to eat on a daily basis? Look at you. That's pretty much my mom's go-to. Whatever you got, like, ah, geez, my eye itches. Well, that's because, like I've told you before, you're not eating enough. Right.

I got a different answer in my household growing up. If I wasn't feeling well, they didn't ask me if I needed something to eat. Oh, I bet I could guess. Usually there was no food in the house in the first place. We were starving. Okay, let's see if you can guess. If I ever said, ah, I'm not feeling too well or this happened.

I'm not feeling. Go ahead, guess what my folks asked me. Have you taken a dump lately? That's exactly right. Yeah, that's the other one. I don't think my parents ever asked me that. That's one of my go-toes. Did you take a good, they would say.

Again, there was never any food in the house. If there was, maybe they would have offered it to me. But yeah, if I wasn't feeling right, it was, I needed to sit down in the toilet for a few minutes. Yeah, you look like you've been getting enough to eat. You look like a well-fed character over there. Yeah, I do my best. Dana brought in some donuts. Now, Josh, you're an addict.

You, when it comes to Mountain Dew, you crave it. Your body is dependent upon it. It's my most favorite thing in the world. And that's okay. That's okay. When it comes to Mountain Dew, you say, Gimme, gimme, I need, I need. Yeah, I want.

Are you already drinking Mountain Dew this morning? No, I've cut way back. Like way, way, way back. But I still have a few weeks. Where before it would be a few every 10 minutes. Well, I'm glad you listened to all of us at the intervention then. Because, you know, we took a lot of time and planning to get that together, to get everybody in the room and get you to sit down and talk about your Mountain Dew a dick.

Well, you guys are very influential in my life. And the promise you gave me of sex at the end of it, that keeps me going. By the way, speaking on the idea that we do influence each other, Josh just said we're very influential on his life. Dana, can I bring you behind the curtain to an off-air conversation Josh and I had yesterday? Oh, don't do that. Oh, please do. Especially after seeing Josh's reaction, I'm really intrigued. Everybody keep it in their friggin' pants.

I'm not going to give away too much information here. Josh says to me yesterday, we were talking about this and that. And he says to me yesterday, he says, you know, your opinion means a great, great deal to me, maybe more than anybody else. And I said, I appreciate that. And there was a pause. Some time went by.

Some time went by, some silence. And he said, Do you want to tell me that my opinion also means a great deal to you? And I said, well, I'll come up with something. And I admitted I put him on the spot. And he said, yeah, you just got to give me some time. Give me a minute. I'll come up with something.

All right. So what will we tell you? Wait a minute. I just realized you never got back to me. I didn't, did I? Never once. Nothing personal. And I almost actually impressed you yesterday, not to get way off track,

but I didn't have time to hook up and use my flame thrower, but I did map it out. Like I found some, I mapped out the enemy where they're located, and I got a couple of doozies. Almost where one I should take a picture of it. I have no idea how this got so big, so fast without me knowing, but I've got a couple of weeds that those babies are going to burn. Everyone has been busting your balls about the fact that now for a smooth calendar year

you have owned a flamethrower but have yet. to drag it out into the yard. And it's so odd because I couldn't wait. You've yet to drag it out onto your property and do any real damage. I'm edging. You are? I'm edging to use this thing. So have you grabbed these donuts yet?

Yeah, so I have them here. Dana picked up some of these donuts that actually, thank you to the brother and sisterhood, they've been since they first came out, these Mountain Dew donuts. People have been texting me photos and just saying, hey, here's where you get them. You've got to go try them. Well, they know you're an addict, and they're all. enablers is what they are. I didn't consider that. They are. These aren't friends. The packaging

catches your eye. It is, it looks radioactive almost. Yes, it's neon green like you, you thrash metal fans will enjoy this. It's as green as, as the logo for the band Overkill from back in the day. Very poison. With Bobby Blitz. By that, I mean band. Vocals. Oh, yes, also like poison, only I kind of wanted to go. thrash metal. You kind of took it to more of a pop rock thing. But the packaging catches your eyes. Neon green. Mountain Dew is making donuts and selling them here and there. It's a quick trip, right? Quick trip, yeah.

Yep, exactly. Bontentucker donuts, they call. Dunker. Yep. Donuts. Dana spotted them, grabbed them up. So won't you give them a try? Tell us what you think. Be honest. Yeah. I'm not a big sweets, guys. I mean, everybody likes donuts, right? They smell wonderful. God, as most folks know, if you listen to this show, I'm a junkie when it comes to candy and cookies and cupcakes.

And Josh goes the other way. So they look to me like I'm going to have a superpower after eating them. They're like kryptonite or something. It's got an incredible Hulk, kryptonite, overkill, poison vibe to it. How many did you get in a box? They're six, half dozen? They are bright. Go ahead.

They're supposedly Mountain Dew flavored donuts. If anybody should be the first in the building here to try these, it should be you because you've been a long, long supporter of Mountain Dew and their products. I want to eat them. Do we have a fork and knife anywhere? You eat your donuts with a fork and knife? And I need a bib as well. Do we have a bib?

My donut bib, fork and knife? The sleeve of your hooded sweatshirt will do the, trick. True story. I worked with the guy once. Jesus, that scared me. I'm sorry. I just scared that. I have the same story. I also worked with a guy once. The mic level might need to. Okay, go ahead with

the guy? I worked with the guy once and there's radio, there would constantly be donuts in the building. Oh, God. And he would request that I would take a donut for him, wrap it in a paper towel, and microwave it for seven seconds. And you did that for him? I did. Oh, no. Were you

I was like 23? That's where the respect went right out the window. Seven seconds. It had to be seven. Well, that sounds like the perfect amount of microwave of pastry. Would you like me to microwave your donut for seven seconds, Josh? No, I'll just eat it as it came. I figure the people a quick trip know what they're doing.

Did you ever maybe, you know, put a little poop on that donut? No, I probably should have, though. You should have pooped on his donut. Go ahead, Josh. Have you taken a bite yet? No, not yet. Try it out here. Here he goes.

Not a very big bite. That's a decent-sized bite. Look that. you did share with us recently on the program that you're trying to limit or dial back your helpings. You are a big eater. Yeah, trying to slow it down a little bit. Maybe that was a... I am a true eater.

That was a sign of that progress. You didn't take a huge... So, okay, what do you think? It may kind of taste like Mountain Dew. It's not like as Mountain Dewy as I thought it would be. But, yeah, this is a solid donut right here. Do you want to try one? I want to try one, since I'm a junkie for sweets in general.

Boy, they are funny looking. All right. Yeah, I could probably clean out this six-pack. Hmm. Thoughts? Are you detecting any notes? Notes of Mountain Dew, perhaps? It's, to me, it doesn't really taste like Mountain Dew.

It took a while, like the aftertaste. It was kind of mountain-dewy. But it's a donut, so to me it's good. Yeah. I still have a little left here. So, yeah, I mean, it was only right that you got the first crack at him, Cubby. Yeah, I appreciate it. And, Dana, thanks for thinking to me.

And, again, thanks for people who have been telling. I don't have a quick trip too close to me, so I hadn't made it yet. I will absolutely eat four of these on the way home from work. It is funny watching you, like, bringing sweets home whenever they come in here. Oh, I load my backpack. The rest of the office doesn't even get. a crack at it. It's funny, I walked into the quick trip, that's a massive

gas station. Those are fun. You get grocery shop there. It's so cool. Oh, yeah. They always win awards and they're beloved. But I walked in there, I'm like, oh man, where am I going to find these donuts? You know, I walk in, there's just this massive display, like floor to ceiling of the boxes of donuts, so I guess they're pretty popular. Okay. I'm very thankful for a text message

that just came my way from a listener who calls himself Iwa, ewa, fart, Jesus. If you're new to the program, you're asking yourself, what did I just hear? It's a reference to one of the greatest sound bites ever where a bunch of young men... Where were they from again, Josh? China, I think.

A bunch of young Chinese men lit a fart, and it was spectacular. And before the fart happens, one of them says Iwa, Iwa, and then... Dewa, get what? Okay. Just love the pure joy in their voices. So, yes, the text that just swung into our building here from Iwa, Iwa, Ewa fart Jesus. Remember I said, Josh, it doesn't really taste to me like Mountain Dew. He said, do you think they taste a little bit like key lime pie?

And that is, for me personally, I think that's the best description. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. I knew there was something there. That's a good way to put it. Let's go with that. And thank you again. Iwa, ewa, fart Jesus. You know, I've never been the type of person.

I imagine if you wiped out that six-pack of a mountain dew, what do they call them again, dinky-dew donuts? Dunker donuts. Imagine if you wipe that out, you might put a pound or two on. I've never been the type of guy to worry at all about my weight. I've been lucky. There's a lot of people out there who struggle with that, and I'm sympathetic to it. but I've just been a relatively slender character most of my life

and it's never been anything that I've ever focused on but I do remember the first time I checked myself up the first time I checked myself out in the mirror and said oh damn you've put on some weight and I know why you mentioned quick trip holiday gas station where are the other gas stations we have in town Speedway. Speedway. They've all got just wonderful assortments of snacks and burgers and hot dogs, right?

And I'm a fan of that style of food. What did it to me. Now, number one, I was also drinking a lot of beer at the time. Pretty much every damn night I was getting full of beer. So that definitely played a role. But I didn't notice my belly had started to push its way. out. I didn't really notice that until after I had my own addiction, Josh, to Chuck Wagon sandwiches and Funions. Those are both awesome. I've had that combo many times.

So I could certainly, like I mentioned a minute ago, the beer must have played a role. But there was a stretch of time where every single day when I left this building, I would go straight to the gas station and get myself two chuck wagons and um not the family size but like the big grab bag of fungians yeah i know what you're talking about i it was like two of the small ones basically two or three of the small ones in one bag yeah i was i think for all intents and purposes hooked on that meal it was every single day why the hell that i need to have have two chuck wagons. And then, of course, I'd fall immediately to sleep.

Oh, yeah. You know, there wasn't like I would go out and be active after that. I would fall immediately into a deep sleep for about two, three hours. So I remember that first time I looked in the mirror and said, oh, dude, you've changed. And I know the source of it. It was a beautiful thing. I'm not mad at the people who make the chuck wagons or the funions. It's not their fault.

It's just their products. their products were just too damn good. I couldn't resist. What were the burps like after two chuck wagons and the bag of funions? You see, gross question. But Dana, I don't know because I was sound asleep. You know, had I been running around town, I could have told you if I cleared out, you know, target,

I would have told you about it. You started a conversation with someone, Jesus, did you see two chuck wagons in a bag of funnions or something? Man, I mean, God, I was just an animal. and all of a sudden I saw that belly swinging around a little bit. There's somebody texted, you mentioned you never really had to worry about weight. They said just listening to us eat donuts, they put on two pounds. Unfortunately, I know a couple of people like that where it doesn't, I mean, it's like they work out,

they try and eat healthy. If they have like a cheat meal sometimes, it just makes them put on a couple of pounds. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm like you, Nick, for a long time, even kind of now, if I was. I was going to one burger, one sandwich, or whatever, I'm going to have two. I don't know. It just one didn't seem to make any sense to me.

I always had to get two. Maybe it was a certain age range where we all fall into line. And maybe there's something about dudes where there's a certain age where we just can't get enough to eat. I don't know. For me, this was like 10, 12 years ago. when I had to have two of those damn. Like I always think it's weird if I'm at Subway with someone and they get a six inch, I just never really understand it.

I was at the gas station the other day. A guy in front of me in line and got one hot dog off the roller. I didn't know you're allowed to just get one. There's like two or more. I thought they made six inches at Subway just because you already got a foot long and you don't want to eat two full foot long. Sure. See, add the six inch as a chaser.

Yeah, a subway chaser. Two hot dogs was my thing, yeah, for quite a stretch of time. It had to be two. One wasn't enough. I think age has to play a role in it. Probably. Because now my appetite is very different than that. Or what it does to you afterwards, you start to realize, gosh, maybe it's not worth it.

I'm miserable after eating all this. Goat trucking Jesus was addicted to eating a bag of old Dutch caramel puffcorn every day. Oh, man. I just had to have them, he said. then he started to get pretty plump pretty plump and you know other than noticing it myself I looked at myself in the mirror

and I said boy I'm finally officially fat you know my gut was hanging down over my underwear's I have I have lost a pretty good amount of weight since then a lot of that has to do with the well mostly I think

my beer intake has isn't what it used to be I think it's switching your Gatorades Oh, that's, I mean, you dropped like 20 pounds in what, a few weeks? Oh, I don't know if it was that extreme, but yes, I forgot about Gatorade. That played a big role, too. I went from real Gatorade to the diet Gator. Where was I going with this?

Oh, it wasn't just noticing myself. I remember I was walking around the house without my shirt on during this two-chuck wagon, Funion getting drunk every night era of my life. I was walking around the house without my shirt on and my brother checked me out, and he said, Jesus Christ, you're going to end up. up looking just like the old man. And I was like, really? And I went and checked it out again, and I said, you're frigging right.

Just that beer belly. By the way, a beer belly is earned. I want to make that very clear. I always liked it when people say, or said it was a fuel tank for a love machine. When you got gear like this, Cubby, you got to build a shed over it. Yeah. That's my favorite beer gut joke. Motorcross 492 Jesus says he chooses the smaller of the sandwiches because he can't afford to

finance the full sandwich. Dude, you're not kidding. Seriously. It's like four times as much as it was when I was a kid. I know. I know it's the old man shaking my fist at the clouds there, but it is kind of outrageous. No, it has gotten outrageous in a very quick amount of time.

Here's a listener by the name of Shotgun Messiah, who I guess, I don't know if he has any background as a nutritionist or as a, what do you call those folks at the gym that tell you what to do, personal training? Personal training. But he says, you're less active now. Oh, okay. So this is his spin on why I was eating so much 10, 12 years ago and a little beyond.

Why maybe Josh, you had a long relationship with eating two burgers and two hot dogs, two sandwiches. He says, at our age now, we're less active, so our body isn't requiring the food to sustain. That makes sense. When I was playing beer league hockey, I was playing beer league softball. There were other activities I was involved in. That may be true. I know nothing about the human body. I know nothing about food and I know nothing about the human body.

You know, you hear people say, well, calories this and carbohydrates. I know, I know Josh, you can like look at a food and say, well, that has a lot of, carbohydrates that has a lot of the I don't know the game so I'm going to take your word for it shotgun Messiah Jesus more anxiety than here Jesus said he's a stress eater he said he went through a phase when he would

eat a quarter gallon of ice cream every night L.O. Man, F me running I'm the opposite where like if I get stressed I lose weight quickly I forget to eat oh you do and you have a lot of diarrhea when you get stressed oh yeah stress diarrhea and urination you're just spraying fluids out of your body and you

don't eat and you just rock and in a chair and stare out the window. Yeah, although the urination could be because I have a 51-year-old prostate now. But, yeah, they would certainly be nervous urine and diarrhea and then not eating. It's not a dad-bod. And boy, I got tired of those jokes for a stretch of time. Dad-bod this. Dad-bod that.

Oh, he's got a dad-bba. Anyway, one of our listeners has texted in to say, it's not a dad-bod. It's a father figure. I like that. Rip-b-be-be. Beep, be, boop, boop. I was reading an article not too long ago.

This is sad. Apparently the dad bod isn't considered hot by ladies anymore. Now they like you to be in shape. Oh, screw that. That's not fair. I was just getting, you know, feeling pretty good about myself for a second there. Not the case anymore.

You know, I was reading something a little earlier. A little earlier this morning I was reading something. By God, I was. speaking of all this eating every now and again somebody ups and dies and they had the opportunity I guess at one point or another to request

something to be buried with and there was one individual here who went into the grave with a lifetime supply of snacks chips, candy bars and fast food burgers this individual had their had his family make sure that they piled all of that on top of him when they put him into the ground.

I suppose like, you know, if you're going to dig up a mummy or something, they probably got a couple of jewels in there and maybe a cell phone whatever they had back in the day. He went down with all of the chips, the candy bars, and the fast food burgers. Just think like, I don't know, if there is a planet Earth a thousand years from now and somehow they dig this poor bastard up. They're going to look at a bunch of rappers and say, what the hell is a McChicken, you know?

Or maybe there still will be McDonald's. I don't. What's a Mick chicken? What are funions? I saw somebody on the list was buried with their favorite recliner. I mean, you must have paid a little extra for that. Man, you got to have like a tomb. Yeah.

You got to dig a bigger hole. Sometimes, you know, this is so ridiculous. Obviously, as you get older, sadly, you lose more loved ones. Oh. But we were watching a show. over the weekend and this family went to visit their loved one who had recently passed. And I saw the monument they had. And I thought, that's ridiculous.

For their jobs, they couldn't afford something like that. Because I remember, like, when my dad and my uncle passed, just the regular cheapest headstone was expensive. And some of those huge ones are out of control expensive. You see, we haven't had to deal with that. because both my folks were cremated. Your old man got buried in the ground with a headstone? He was cremated, yeah. But they buried it in the ground with a headstone?

Yeah, I mean, I've heard. Kind of one of those, like just those rectangle paver-looking ones. Yeah, I've heard it's unbelievable. Unbelievable. It is unbelievable. Runs in the dark, Jesus said his friend's dad was so addicted to pep He was buried in a Pepsi urn, like a giant Pepsi can. I wonder if they have a Mountain Dew Earned.

I'm sure they do. A few people are crediting their weight gain to quitting tobacco. Oh, you always hear that right. Yeah. And I've heard people say that's one of the reasons they don't want to quit. They replace them something else that's usually sugar. Yeah, you quit smoking cigarettes. You quit chewing tobacco and you start eating everything.

under the damn sun. A few other people. As we've been sitting here talking about, you know, our food intake and putting on pounds, other folks said another likely story. You've heard this, I'm sure, a million times. They start smoking a pile of grass. They get more and more into marijuana. They start eating more.

The next thing you know, they're the biggest stoner in the county. Hillman Welder Jesus said he had an addiction to granola bars, thought I was being healthy. Yeah, that's one of those things where they always like, Back, I don't know if they say it anymore, but back in the day it was like, well, granola, it's like the healthiest thing you can eat. But there's so many calories in it, people were gaining weight. Really? A granola bar? Grinola bar, yeah. Especially the ones that throw chocolate chips in there and stuff like that.

Yeah, that'll do it too. It's like sugar, yeah. Sure, of course, if it's wrapped in chocolate, I can see that coming. But I was just picturing your bowl of granola. There's a lot of calories in there. A bowl of granola. And then, of course, there's the embarrassment of ordering that. Yeah. See what I mean? Like, I wouldn't know that at all. That is really a hippie windmill and granola into their yap. Now I can walk up and tap them on the shoulder and say, you know how many calories are in there?

Excuse me. I remember, yeah, again, again, with the eating, see, now this is all coming back to me, the eating two items at once. We all have, we all have stated that that was our thing for a while. You had to have two sandwiches. You had to have two hot dogs. I was totally in love with Marie Callender, I think is how you say it, chicken pot pies. Sure. Those are awesome. F me running sideways. That wasn't the only brand too. Swanson made a decent.

I'm not trying to play favorites with the brand. But just for a stretch of time, it was Marie Callender Chicken Poppies. Pretty good size, some bitch. I haven't bought one of those in a while, but they used to be so cheap. So I bet you were picking those up like crazy. Right. I was single, living alone, up in Rogers, and I would wipe out two at a time. And this was my meal maybe three times a week.

And I was seeing this gal. And she came over to the house right as I was done whipping all this down. And she saw that I had two empty bowls of the... And she said, you ate two of those damn things? And I said, well, yeah, why? And she said, do you have any idea how much sodium is in there? And I said, what the hell is sodium? Yeah, didn't your wife criticize you for eating...

like a pastry or something like that not too long ago? Oh, I don't know. That was pretty funny. I can't remember how she phrased it because she knows all that stuff. Yeah, she knows that I'll clear out of. One of my pool playing pals, one of my Saturday night pocket billiard friends didn't show up. He's usually one of the most reliable guys when we play pool on Saturdays didn't show up one night. And I called him.

I said, you didn't make it. What happened? I wasn't feeling well. I said, you got a cold or something? No, I went over to my mom's place and she had just made cookies and I wiped out all of them. A terrible stomach ache. I couldn't show up for pool. Again, you can't blame the food, but I went through, I ate an entire container of Fig Newton's ones.

They're so frigging good. I mean, it's the same thing with the sandwiches. I'm like, well, I got to eat it. whole sleeve. Wait a minute now. I never was a big Figg Newton guy. Oh, really? I love them. I mean, I liked them, but I would choose, you know, just your typical chocolate chip. But one thing I remember about Fing Newton's is, at least for me personally, it turned me into a gas barrel. I mean, I was just a bucket of gas when I was done with my Fig Nuk. You must have been nuclear. Yeah, it was more like it would force number two.

pretty quickly, but yeah, those were tough to stop eating. I had a similar thing happen once. I was dating a girl. She was very vegetarian, healthy eating, didn't have anything fun food in her apartment. She was at work. She worked at a waitress at a bar down the street, and I was sitting in her place waiting for her to come home. And all she had to eat that I saw those appetites was fiber one bars.

They had like some chocolate chips in them, so I have one. It was good. I wiped out the whole box, not knowing what that amount of fiber will do to your body. Nick, I was like you, I was just blasting gas for like 24 hours. You got to hang on to something. Seriously. And they were loud. I was laughing.

I couldn't stop laughing at all. I was just intense and loud. Why is this happening to me? Farting in the bathtub, laughing your ass off. Aunt Eater Jesus texted in to say, I will demolish a whole tub of pickled herring in a sitting. Everyone around me hates my guns. Boy, I just need a lot of that.

Oh, pickled herring will make you live. You will feel alive. It might be short, but it sure is skinny Jesus, said God gave us two hands for a reason, two sandwiches. Two sandwiches. You know, you can feel better about it. All right, we got to get going again. Mountain Dew Donuts. You know, the only time I ever ran around a lake, I ran around Lake Harriet in Minneapolis was after, for Christmas, somebody gave me two giant movie theater-sized boxes of Mike and Ikes.

And I ate them both. And my stomach was killing me. but I was so wired from all the sugar. I made it. Before that, I don't know if I ever ran a mile, but I ran around. That lakes maybe three miles, maybe just under three miles.

And I ran, that's the biggest physical accomplishment of my entire life, and it was powered by Mike and Ike. You just had to get up and do something. Oh, you know how your whole body's like radiating if you have too much caffeine or too much sugar? It's like shaky. Yes.

That's how it was. I had to get that out. Boy, I would have had a, a cardiac team trailing me, I think. All right. I learned my lesson. You're a dynamite crowd.

No more running. Truly wonderful. Yeah. You decided to give up running. Yeah, running. I'm all done. Mike and I'll take them. What was that old joke again about,

I was reading about the evils of drinking? Oh, yeah. God, dig it. What is that joke? Let's see if I can Google it. Oh, no, this is, okay, I'll tell a separate drinking joke. Yeah, I forgot where I heard this first. But the joke goes like this.

I used to drink every night. I would drink, drink, drink until I vomited. And that's when I finally admitted to myself that I'm a bulimic. Yeah, the joke you were thinking of, when I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Well, I don't want to read that. Oh, you know what?

If you want to close out our conversation with one more dumb joke, where is this? Here it is. You know that gimmick, Josh. This used to be a typical morning radio game. Hey, let's figure out our porn star name, right? Oh, yeah. How do you do it? Well, you take your very first dog's name, and then that'll be your first name.

and then the name of the first street you lived on, that's your last name, right? Mine would be Rowdy Lindale. There you go. Cody Kingsbury. Boy, we got some good porn star. We do. Want to get into the industry, Josh?

Yes. The old porn star name gimmick. Josh, do you know how to come up with your hooker name? How do you do that? You combine your first name... Oh, no, no, don't do it. With your last name. Oh, no.

Josh Bittney. I had grabbed me. I'm a whore. Maybe you had to be there. No, that's good. But that joke grabbed me. We'll be right back. Air conditioning,

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Shout out. Full Send, Nell. Hey, bro. What's your name, bro? Sonny. What's your name? We've been sitting here for like an hour together. I know your name.

What's your name go? Funny. I can't guarantee anything. All I can guarantee is that you're going to be entertainment. I'm a professional. I'm here to interview. So the whole interview, you can ask me what I like better, Burger King or McDonald's. All right, and we are going to wrap up on that note. Thank you, Steve, so much.

That was a burger king. One Night with Stein. One Night with Stine. One Night with Stiney. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Here we effing go. A few of you have been texting in asking where's Ashley.

Appreciate your concerns. She's taken some personal days off. We miss her. She'll be back. Maybe you've noticed, Josh. Without her, the show comes off a lot less Canadian. She does have some owes that she drags out a little bit. Yeah, it feels weird, you know, when somebody's gone.

I'll make you feel weird. All our love to Ashley and her family right now. The show comes off a lot less Canadian, but we'll have to deal with it. Anyways, we got to talking about food, didn't we? From the get-go. We started talking about food. Dana brought in some donuts for Cubby. Not that he's a big sweets guy.

He doesn't need a lot of sweets, but they're brand new. It's a brand-new product. Mountain-due-flavored donuts. And Josh, being the do-slot that you are, we thought you should be the first guy to try him. Mountain-dew donuts. So then we started talking about food. We started talking about some of our poor eating habits.

How about this text message that came in, Josh? Discipline. To eat healthy, Josh, I think you need discipline. You do, right. And here's a guy who's got it. All balls. No peen. Jesus.

He says he eats chicken and broccoli all week long so he can eat two burritos from Chipotle on Saturday. Yeah, you know, that's what, like the rock. Have you ever, I know, you're not. not on social media, but my wife is, and she follows the rock. His cheat days, it's almost a comedy, everything he eats. You know, he's so disciplined. Well, he's the size of a house. Right, but it's ridiculous how much he eats like two full barbecues worth, and then all kinds of sweets and everything you can imagine. And then he goes down into the gym and lifts a car and all that crap.

Dwayne Johnson, he can kiss my ass. You know, if you were to show up at our house, especially when I was drinking a ton more Mountain Dew, you'd think that my wife. wife and I had a very active sex life. Because if she's downstairs or whatever around the fridge, I would just yell, hey, do you mind doing me? Right? So she'd bring up a Mountain Dew at one point. So I'd imagine the windows open.

The neighbors are listening. They might think, well, look at these guys. Such language. Yeah. They're like still in their honeymoon phase 20 years later. Has your addiction to Mountain Dew ever led to any domestic disputes in the home? No, nothing like that. Here's a listener who says this now.

This is his favorite lunch. He swings by the gas station. We all love gas station food here, and we noted that in our prior conversation. Live down it for a while. This guy swings by the gas station. I'm a little worried about this dude. He says his favorite lunch is a chicken salad sandwich. Most folks stay away from the chicken salad, tuna salad, egg salad.

Oh, that was my go-to-it-it-thos. I'm not afraid. I mean, I shouldn't say go to, but I'd get him very often. I'm just saying, I'm not afraid of such things, but a lot of folks stay away from, he has himself a gas station chicken salad sandwich, and while he's there, he also buys a bag of spicy funions and a coconut-flavored Dr. Pepper? Oh, wow. I didn't know they had that.

We're all over the board on flavors here. Oh, my God. He likes a little bit of everything. Oh, kidding. Of course, the greatest combination ever is chili cheese, fritos, and grapefruit juice, and don't let anyone tell you any different. That'll do wonders for you, especially after, make sure it's your first meal of the day, and make sure the prior evening you drank somewhere between 30 to 35 keg cups of a bush light.

And it's going, you're going to thank yourself. You're going to thank yourself. Just make sure that all that bush. light is still swishing around in your stomach when you put the chili cheese fritos and the grapefruit juice directly on top of it first thing in the morning. And probably even better when you already have a history of a bad tummy, which at the time you certainly did. I was going to say the chili cheese fritos, that seems like something I could see one of my

friends or even me grabbing off the shelf. But to mix it with grapefruit, that is just the funniest combination of all time. I don't know. That sounds pretty good, actually. I just of all, I'm just picturing like that wall of beverages in there. You know, so many different cases. And you landed on grapefruit juice. This was 35 years ago, Dana.

And to this day, I still have no idea why I made that selection. Absolutely no idea. I had no prior history, Josh, with chili cheese fritos or grapefruit juice. You were inspired. No prior history. Never tried either one of them up to that point in my life. This person says, The Gas Station Egg Salad sandwich from Speedway is a creation so good it came from God.

Off to try it. We got one by us. All right. Creamy coconut Dr. Pepper. That's the new flavor box tossing Jesus said. He's a big fan of DP. He texts in and he loves DP. Oh, he does.

DP at home, DP at work anywhere. Wherever you can get it. In the car. Now our discussion on poor eating habits led naturally to a conversation about death. And one of our listeners texted in to say, I only have two requests when I die. One, to have my remains scattered at my favorite places. Two, don't cremate me. I love that joke.

I'd never heard that one before. First time. just like the first time I had chili cheese fritos and grapefruit juice, the morning after I had 35 bushlights, this is the first time I've heard that joke. Would you eat those separately? No. Oh, oh, oh, separately, yes.

So you would drink grapefruit juice in a certain setting? No, no, no, no. Let me be clear. I have tried many, many, many, many, many bags of chili cheese fritos since that fateful day in 1991. Those are delicious. That is a delicious. chip or what do you want to call it

a snack, whatever you... I have not had grapefruit juice since. I hadn't had it before and I haven't had it since. That's again what makes me think, what was I doing? Why did I make that selection? Still don't get it.

Did you have grapefutes as a kid? Yeah. So did your mom or dad or whoever made it for you? Did they put like about two inches of sugar on top of it? Oh, I did the sugar putting on her. That's how we used to do it. I was the sugar putter on her. Yes. When we were kids, Josh is your name. You should have seen how much sugar, my pal, Curtis. You should have seen how much sugar he would put on his rice crisps. Oh, yeah, that's another one that needs a lot of sugar. You can barely swirl the milk around

with your spoon because it's so thick. It's like a paste at that point. If you swirl, it was heavy. Yeah. It was more like, what's that stuff you eat here once in a while in the morning, Josh? What do they go? Oatmeal. It was more like oatmeal when you'd stir the spoon around. That was how much sugar he would put on his. Oh, here we go. All right. What's going on? Oh, me? Yeah. I was just laughing because I've never had oatmeal here. Ashley does. Maybe you're thinking of her. Oh, okay, Ashley, oatmeal. Well, you're usually eating something. I'm sorry, I mistook. Your, your, favorite meals for Ashley. It's just such a process.

I can't make all that oatmeal. But she does. She leaves and makes like kind of fancy breakfast for herself sometimes. Avocado toast. Yeah, that's someone, her age. It's a stereotype there. You eat, uh, I got these protein drinks. That's why I'm so ripped.

Protein drinks. Sometimes you have a sandwich. Sometimes you have an apple. That's been a while, but yeah. Oh, God. I eat them at home now on the treadmill. What's the matter with you? That's how I'm going to die. All right. Terrible news to start the report. There's been another pickleball incident.

An incident, Josh. Nothing to do with pickleball here when I direct this question to you, Josh. Nothing to do with pickleball. But you're still unable to talk about your incident. I'd like to, but you know. Right. There's that non-disclosure agreement. You still haven't reached the point where you're able to talk about your incident.

2029. I'll spill the beans. October of 2029. That's when you're... That's when it expires. This is another pickleball incident. No surprise. The incident happened down there in the garbage, southeastern part of the United States.

A lady. That's how it starts. That's how the story begins. A lady, she beat the ever-loving hell out of her pickleball partner. She smacked the poor bastard upside the head with her pickleball paddle, smacked the sum bitch multiple times. Dude's skull was shredded. And they say there was, quote,

a large amount of blood? Boy, that'll happen with like cuts on your head. I mean, they can look kind of scary sometimes. Your head bleed so much. Michelle is the name of this effing lady. Now, she told the police they showed up. People were screaming and running for the exits, and they called the police.

They showed up over there to the pickleball joint. Michelle, she told the police that her pickleball partner, the one she tuned up, a complete stranger, by the way. That's how they do it in pickleball. I know from a little bit of experience. When you're playing, you rotate around the joint and you pair up with whoever. I've always gone with enough people where I didn't have to do that to disappoint a stranger, you know? Just people that knew I'm probably not going to bring a lot to the court. But you see, Josh, don't worry so much about that because they figured.

that out as soon as they looked at you. Oh, yeah. You're probably working to be able to... Sometimes I'll just tell people, hey, you know, I'm kind of used to being last picked, so don't even worry about it. It's not going to hurt my feelings. Michelle tuned up her partner, a complete stranger. She told the police that her partner was attacking her son.

And that's why she had to tune the guy up. Now, there was no truth to that whatsoever, except for the son part. Her son was also playing pickleball at the same joint. But there was no truth to her defense. This man was attacking my son. That's why I had to beat him over the head. Total nonsense. The police believed that Michelle busted a spring and paddled the guy sideways

because he, quote, critiqued her son's pickle. ball skill set. He might have said something or another to her son. Well, you know, if you follow through or, you know, you can't step over the line, whatever. The police believe that this poor guy who got beaten into oblivion, he may have had a critique or two for her son's pickleball skill set. I haven't played enough to see some of the stories that we've heard about play out, but I've definitely seen people get really pissy with each other, like very, very, very

angry, no violence or anything like that, and no terrible things said, but incredibly irritated. Whereas obvious sometimes, like across the room, you could tell, like, uh-oh, there's going to be a very uncomfortable car ride home for that couple. Yeah. I still haven't seen that partner fight. I have lost my cool a couple times playing pickleball, but it was all self-deprecating. As a matter of fact, you know, the Randy Shaver Charity Pickleball tournament we had a month ago or so, I showed up and played some games at the intermediate level. It was all the fundraiser, but this will give you an idea of how sometimes I do lose it when I'm playing any level of competitive sports.

Josh, I smashed the ball into the net or something. I made a mistake. And I'll admit, I called myself the C word. Oh, you deserved it. But it was a situation where I said it, and then I instantly remembered where I was and what I was there for, and I asked myself, oh, God, did anybody hear that? You probably shouldn't be yelling the C word out loud during a charity pickleball tournament that means nothing. Yeah, at least you said it to yourself.

I did. It was a silver lining, but you're right. I was calling myself a C word. Not necessarily appropriate. A family member of mine works in a place where there's pickleball courts now that's relatively new. You know, when it took off the company there, they put in about four pickleball courts. And she had mentioned some of the fights. And it's like older people, retirees and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah, they're all angry. There's clicks amongst them. They'll tell a certain person that they're going to play at a certain time and then play it a different time so they don't run into each other. and it's just all this immaturity and rage over pickleball. I wonder what it is about pickleball. I mean, there's been plenty of other activities folks have been doing. Well, I think that a lot of older folks have found their calling, have found their passion with the game.

And anything you're that passionate about, Josh, you know, your emotions run high. I think that's the answer. All right. So this lady who beat the living hell out of her pickleball partner, the cops dumped felony aggravated battery charges on her and whatnot. She also proved, oh, Josh, this is where she proved how brave she is also by giving the cops a fake name twice during their investigation. Twice she claimed her name was Aliana Lee or something.

I don't know. Twice. You know, they can figure that out pretty easy. I don't even think that's worth your time. Pickle ball. Her behavior was sick. She was playing sickle ball. Yeah, she was, wasn't she? Acting like a total...

Bit of a dickle ball. Dickle ball. Here's a listener saying, wait a minute, was her son like 30 years old? Yes, yes. She was defending her fully grown adult male son. But that's what she claimed. least, yeah. That's what you want, right? A parent stepping in? Really at any

age? Right. That's right. What does this say? Oh, here's intermediate Jesus, who was at our pickleball fundraiser a month ago or so whenever it was. He said he tried to play pickleball with me during that event, but couldn't. He said I did play with Randy twice. Yeah, Randy was over there, like I've described before.

Randy was over there swatting butterflies with the beginners. That's so funny. Did he play the whole time? The other ones I went to, he kind of would step in here and there. Yeah, he played, but it was this, Josh. Plink. Bounce. Plink.

Bounce. And I'm over there going boob-bidi-boom, boom, boom, boom, left right, up down. I was so friggin pissed off. Probably why I used the C word on my side. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. It's weird because he's so competitive. One of the most competitive people I've ever met.

So I'm surprised he wasn't giving it his all. Well, that's why he wanted to play in the beginner so that he knew he wouldn't lose. Yeah, that's a good strategy. Yeah, because he knows if you play in the intermediate and he got beat, then he'd be doing things like calling himself a C word like Nick, and he really can't do that at his own charity event. I want to hear Randy Shaver say the C word in an appropriate setting. I bet he's gotten there before.

He thinks so? Yeah. He does run hot. Intermediate Jesus. He texted in to say, save my number under the name intermediate Jesus. It's done. You're saved. We did. And yeah,

I remember a couple dudes asked if I wanted to play and I was just out of gas and I had to say, no, go find Randy. I'm done. So apologize for that. If at all you were disappointed, I'm sure you were not. But yeah, towards the end I just had to say, I'm done.

Zimbilly Jesus said, it's not just pickleball. He worked at a golf course. Some retirees oh, Texas just disappeared. There is. Look for stuff. to be pissy about. Some people couldn't play with each other. Quite a few thought they were the most important members. He said fishing guys can get like that too.

Oh, yeah. I've got a buddy who's an avid fisherman and he's gotten a couple dust-ups with other fishermen. Fishing guides? Guys, he said. Oh, fishing guys. Oh, because I once went on a few trips. I wanted to slap this

frigging... My dad fell in love with another man. A fishing guide. and so when we would go to this resort, my dad insisted that we used this guide. And I thought the guy was a freaking prick from the word go. And he was. And I told my dad, I said,

why do we always have to use this guide? The guy's a jackass. But my dad, well, he puts us on fish. And I'd say there's 30 guides at this friggin resort who can put us on fish. Guy was a prick. Sounds like it. A lot of my friends are.

I must just be attracted to people that are jerks. Well, you have a weakness for people in general. Yeah, I'm pretty, yeah, I guess, you know, it kind of runs the gamut, but there's a few where I've definitely have folks go, how do you hang out? I mean, they're not like terrible people, like out there assaulting folks or robbing. They're just not very pleasant. A bad bedside manner, if it was a doctor, just kind of dickish.

You have a weakness for people. But I don't mind. I thought that listener said that, fishing guides were general dickhead. So I had to blow up about that guy we used to spend time with. And I don't know why my dad was so in love with the sum bitch. Yes, Josh, you have, unfortunately, a poor track record. Because I just think you generally like people.

You fall in love somewhat easily with people. That's true. Because of your nature. And you don't see some of the obvious flaws that others do. Because that's just the way you're wired. You instantly see the good. You don't see the bad. And that's why about every three or four years, you say,

remember that dude, Joey, I used to go everywhere with? And I'll say, yes. And you say, I'm never talking to him again. Yeah. There'll be something they do that's like, okay, nobody can be friends with that guy anymore. Because of your innocence and your good-heartedness, you don't see through certain things that the rest of us do. All right.

Curiosity killed my boner. Jesus said, someone we were talking about. I wanted to know if we'd ever hear this person say the C word. They have been in that person's general vicinity when they've said it. Oh, wow. Yeah. So I guess the word has been uttered. That's not good. All right, here's an entitled little prick who just made things a lot worse for himself.

Out there in Thailand, don't you know? It's a hot spot. Oh, my God. Is it really 653 right now? Oh, geez. How do hell do that happen? I don't know. Do we all just black out? Sometimes that happens.

I'll have that happen at work, or excuse me, at home. I'll be getting into something like on the computer or whatever, and all of a sudden it's the next day. How did that happen? I have absolutely. I expected to look down at the clock and it would say $6.40 or something like. I can't believe this. We talked about, what do we talk about?

Gas station food. Gas station food. The pickleball thing. Yep, pickleball. You said the C-word at a charity event. We talked about your weakness for people. Yep. Fishing guides, your dickheads.

You said that. So this will have to be our final, final story. I apologize. I had no idea. Now it's 654. And counting. Makes the day a little easier. Well, unfortunately, this is a fun story where we're going to have to go fast here.

Well, maybe you get to like the one that's quicker. All right. Forget this kid from Thailand. We'll talk about the kid from Thailand tomorrow. You're right. You don't want to rush that one. What's this? Do the last one.

You can tell that in like 10 seconds. The last one? Yeah. It's just kind of silly. I always appreciate your help, you know, Josh, when we breach a subject that I'm unfamiliar with. So thank you in advance. Emojis. I've never used them.

So let me see. Help me. An egg plant emoji means a big fat pecker. Yeah, it's a weaner. A peach means a big fat vagina. So I was going to ask Dana because I always thought that's what it meant. But some people said, no, no, no. that's a butt. I've always thought but.

Okay, so you're probably, and usually do. So it's a butt then. I think it's a butt. A peach means a big fat bottom. Yeah, it must be. That's what I've heard more, but yeah, to me, I always think vagina. In a place called. In any context. In a place called Ellicott City, Maryland, a judge has ruled that two oversized sculptures will be allowed to remain sitting there on the sidewalk somewhere as an Ellicott city. Two sculptures. One is a giant peach. One is a giant eggplant. The statues were installed a few

months ago as part of some artsy-fartsy or something or another. Some people love them. Some think it's inappropriate. You know how that goes, of course. Some lady in the neighborhood said there was a huge debate because of the sexual innuendos of the peach and the eggplant. There was a petition going around to keep the statues in place. The argument ended up in court and a judge finally He said, relax. We've got so many truly terrible things happening on a daily basis in this country. This is stupid. I like Dick and vagina jokes, he said.

We're going to let the peach and the eggplant stay. I like that when people can be reasonable. Yes. Something like this. They always told us, and maybe Dana and one of the many, many radio stations you've been fired from, a boss told you this too. But they told us, me and Nick, you know, we want you to race up to the line, maybe go a little bit over.

We don't know where that line is. But make sure you get to that line. I remember that. I remember sitting in the, some people prefer to him as a boss. I never did. But I remember sitting in his office and hearing that come out of his disgusting yapper.

Boys, there's a line. There's a line. We want you to get right up to that line. We want you to push the envelope right up to that line, maybe even cross at a time or two. And Josh raised his hand. And he said, yes, Cubby. And Josh said, well, where is the line?

and the guy said, we don't know. Which he had to say so that they could easily suspend us for crossing this imaginary line. Exactly. But what he would tell us is, all right, as long as it goes over the head of a 10-year-old, you're safe for pretty much anything. Now, that makes sense to me. I can understand that. Yeah. Right?

We get that. But so in this case, though, as far as people saying, ah, you know, the kids, they're going to think about weaners and butts, which is a hilarious topic at any age, really, that probably wouldn't go over the hands. ahead of a 10-year-old, would it? I'm not. They'd probably be the most familiar with an emoji or something like that. Oh, emojis? Yeah, of course, they would be. The young people would be.

Yeah. But this seems so innocent. It's not like one is pushed up against the other one. No, they're just to set inside by side. That's all it is. The local papers interviewed a few Jay Browns on the street, and one of them said, if you're going to get your pennies in a twist, I can't believe somebody actually said that. That's great.

I haven't heard that in years. But this guy said, if you're going to get your panties in a twist about this kind of thing, then that's on you, he said. That's your problem. And then he went over and he licked the peach. Yeah. He licked it up and down. Sports.

On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Yeah, you know, things can change quickly. Can they not? Yes, they can. Yes, they can. Yesterday, the Timberwolves roster looked a certain way. Today it looks a little different. Yesterday, the Milwaukee Bucks roster looked a certain way.

Today it's a little different. What do you think about the Wolves roster? Are you happy with the move? Well, it's no surprise that Julius Randall was going to be traded at one point or another. Yeah, he wasn't a fan favorite towards the end. Which is a damn shame. I like Julius Randall a lot. He's got an old school game.

I like his style. I like his toughness. I've always been a fan. I liked who he is as a person, too. I liked having him in town. Julius was dealt yesterday to the Brooklyn Nets. And we can give me more details on that in a half hour when Randy Schaever stops by. So, yeah, I mean, he had a tough series against the Spurs.

I mean, a lot of players do. A lot of guys did. That big stupid Frenchman, you know, that's going to ruin. When you're a power forward who works under the basket, when there's a 7-foot-6 Frenchman there acting like a douche, it's going to ruin your game. People turning on Julius the way they did. Well, it's typical.

It's nothing surprising. So I like Julius Randall, and I'll miss seeing him with the club. But he made a ton of money, and this frees up some money to do the different things. Like I said, everyone saw it coming. The Milwaukee Bucks dealt the freak. We'll tell you more about that. The twins, oh, they came close. right in there but lost yesterday to the Los Angeles Dodgers.

We'll dive in a lot deeper in a half hour. But before we take a break, Josh, do you want to hear another death joke? A couple of death jokes have come into the one of our listeners texted this in. He said, when I die, people are going to say two things about me. Some are going to say, boy, he sure was a prick. And the others will say, yep. Josh's news report is coming up real quick. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast.

Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer, Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. suffer call bielke law today 763 571 2410 or go to bialkylaw.com that's b i a lk a lk e law dot com and it spells relief for you square up you know what's going on man's jare burto two-time world champion you know i for i loved it i really wanted to do that sit

down from a fighter's perspective my g what's going on calip clats what's going on my what now you got a chance to really draw in your audience to let me letting them see who you are. I've had to have a lot of internal talks to say, do I even want to carry on? Despite it is, we know what time it is. I think the time is now. Square up.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's go. 93x half-assed morning show. Nice. Nice. I've lived there for two years, and my dad owned it before me, and he had lived there for 15 years, probably. I've never seen anything like this.

It's shocking. That gal lived there for 15 years? I'm not trying to be inappropriate. I'm not trying to be creepy. But two words. Hubba, hubba. Wait a minute. Hubba, hubba.

When you dump out a hubba followed up by another hubba, that usually means something pretty special. I'm taking that hubba and I'm going to square it. And again, I'm not trying to be inappropriate or creepy in any way, but. Wow. Will you send someone who's notorious for being inappropriate on purpose? Will you send them a... I'll send you the video.

I'll still photograph for a... I don't have one of those that can send you the news article. Maybe it's in my way too. All right, so if you're just tuning in, we've established we're all creeps, but that lady is drop-dead gorgeous. For most people, Saturday night ends with a trip to bed. For one Woodbury driver, however, it ended with an SUV, three damaged townhomes, a gas leak, and an entire neighborhood, including that hot lady, evacuated. Neighbors were forced out of their homes over the weekend after an SUV crashed into multiple townhomes, causing widespread damage and triggering a significant natural gas leak. Saw and smelt a tremendous amount of natural gas leaking out of my fireplace.

So I went and grabbed my son and ran out of the house as quick as I could. Is that her? That's her. Oh, God. Residents say they heard a loud boom just before 11 p.m. Saturday, as many were winding down for the evening and getting ready for bed. According to police, the SUV first crashed into a town home and broke a gas meter. Oh! That created a significant leak and quickly turned into a neighborhood crash into a much larger emergency.

I saw my wall was split in two. They were able to pull out, drive down the street, and hit two other homes. You just said emergency. Oh, did it really? This lady's so hot, she's making you slur your words. I didn't even notice. Man. I'm drunk with how aesthetically pleasing she is.

At this point, you'd think he'd run out of things to hit. But the SUV driver found some more. Police say the SUV pulled away from the first crash, drove down the street, and struck two more homes before finally coming to a stop. He went up on the berm there, side swipe that utility box, came back down, went over to the right side of the road where that white van is,

swerved back to the left side of the road. They took out another light pole down the street, and then they also took out another big electric box before crashing into the two other townhomes. Also lovely... Who was it, Josh? They haven't said. What? The situation was serious enough.

What if it was me? You don't have an SUV. No, I do not. Yeah, it's not you. You're right. 16 town homes evacuated as precaution while crews worked to secure that gas. can assess the damage. Everyone who was evacuated was eventually allowed back home, except for the residents of the three townhomes that were hit. The American Red Cross,

they're stepping up, as they often do, for those who cannot return to their homes. Police say the SUV driver was taken to the hospital, but remarkably no one else was injured. The authorities have not yet said what caused the driver to crash into the townhomes. Well, that sounds like a total nightmare. Yeah. What a pain. When can you send me a picture? Can I tell you my, um, Fire Department gas leak story? Please do. I was living in a garbage town home many years ago, and I was awoken one evening to the loudest hissing sound I had ever heard in my life.

It was overwhelming. I was about the last swing and D in the neighborhood to wake up. Because when I did, and I looked out the window, everyone was out on the sidewalk. Everyone in the neighborhood was awake. And there was obviously this gas line in a neighboring building was just spewing gas. You could hear it across town. So five firemen fully decked out in their fire gear. They had the helmets and the masks and the breathers and the whole smear.

They formed like this human centipede and they're slowly trudging in a line of five towards the gas leak. Now maybe you had to be there to find this entertaining. Hopefully I can tell the story properly to where you enjoy it. but the first fireman, the lead guy in the fireman centipede, stopped, which of course causes everyone behind him to stop. He turns back to the other fireman. And of course, I can't hear what he's saying because of the loud hissing of the gas. But I could tell he was saying something.

I could see his helmet jiggling a little bit, and he says this, this, this, and that. One of the firemen behind him kind of drops his shoulders as if what he just heard doesn't please him. the dude in the front moved to the back. And then they went forward from there. So it was obvious I think the guy in the front said, hey, boys, I'm not so sure I should be the lead guy in this situation. He went to the back, dude from the back came to the front. I know the hiss you're talking about.

We were renting a home and the homeowners had replaced their dryer with an electric dryer from a gas dryer. And whoever put it in forgot to cap the old gas line. And so you could smell it when you pulled into the neighborhood. It was so powerful that I thought, oh, like some sort of construction crew working on, you know, some infrastructure somewhere must have hit something. But instead it was coming out of their laundry room. You know, so much was pouring out, the story I was telling that night. So much of that gas was pouring out.

And you could, I mean, my God, you could taste it. I was kind of surprised that they didn't get us to hell out of there. Yeah, I guess that is strange. I figured that was part of the process. Now, I didn't ask any further questions. And what do I know? Maybe it wasn't as dangerous as it seemed. But the way these five firemen were approaching this very carefully, it led me to believe while I was watching through my window, my bedroom window.

It led me to believe that we're about ready to go sky high here, fellas. Yeah, I wonder how much that can take out. You know, I wonder like how many homes something like that can take out. And I certainly could relate to that lead fireman who no longer wanted the lead job. You know what I mean? I bet you I would have had the same reaction. Like, look, this looks pretty serious. Are you sure I should be in the lead on this some bitch?

Oh, guys, I forgot. I picked up lunch at Panda Express. Remember that yesterday? So it's your turn. I hope the guy didn't get his balls busted too bad, you know, for punking out. Yeah, you know. I don't even want to call it. I don't even want to call it punking out because obviously I'm not built for that.

Yeah, that'd be, you got to be pretty brave to do what they do. And in that situation, that would be scary. Yeah, I'm not ready for this, he says. A barefoot and shirtless California man somehow turned a vandalism call into a 40-mile police pursuit Friday afternoon, and he did it from the driver's seat of a stolen police car. Shortly after 12.30 p.m., officers responded to a report that a man had chased a woman with a large stick, hurled a bucket at her tire, and then struck her vehicles windows with said large stick. The subject that threw a bucket out of the caller, someone after the collar with a large stick.

Video posted online shows officers pursuing the barefoot shirtless suspect on foot. Somehow he managed to slip away and wander in what was basically an unlocked cop car showroom. He first tried getting into one squad car, but no luck. Then came the kind of break criminals spend their entire careers hoping for. Witness video captured the man walking over to another unoccupied squad, reaching in through an open window, unlocking the door and driving away. The guy filming it sounded like he couldn't believe his luck. as a half-naked man stole a cop car right in front of the cops.

Oh, he put it, get the car. Get it. Hurry up, get it. Ah! Bro, he stole your core! He stole your poor! I love joy, and boy did he have a lot of it there. Meanwhile, the poor officer whose squad had just been stolen

was left standing there on foot, watching his patrol car disappear down the road without him. Fair or not, that might be the kind of. career-defining moment that follows an officer around the break room for the rest of his career. I got it all on 4K. He stole his core, bro. And there ain't nobody picked me more. I love him.

I said he's got it on 4K. Yeah. This guy likes to have fun times. Yeah. He was enjoying what he was seeing. While officer on foot was busy contemplating the longest walk back to the station in recent memory, his colleagues who managed to maintain possession, of their car keys made a more troubling discovery. The suspect now had access to a police firearm

and fired a rifle from the stolen cruiser. Suspect does have the rifle from the patrol car and he's holding it out the window. What followed... Now this guy's looking to get killed. Well, yeah, and he's lucky he didn't. What followed was a pretty even matchup. Police car versus police car, same vehicle, same equipment. But the biggest difference, of course, one side trying to stop the chase while the other chose to star in it. It also created the unusual sight of cops. chasing a cop car, which made for some confusing traffic reports. The suspect led officers on a pursuit into Sacramento with speeds reportedly reaching 100 miles an hour.

Eventually, the California Highway Patrol took over and brought that chase to an end, about 40 miles from where it began. A police spokesperson identified the suspect as 28-year-old Isaac Pavl, who already has a long criminal history. Does he? He does. He's currently on pretrial probation for a previous DUI offense. in addition to the multiple felonies he acquired during that unusual chase.

You think they're going to keep them this time? It sounds like it. All right. I mean, hopefully, right? Well, that's probably not the answer from your guy there. He'd probably like to see a little more of this act. Yeah, yeah. More chases.

Yeah, the guy was just thrilled. He enjoyed it. Maybe his cable went out a couple weeks ago. He hasn't seen anything entertaining in a while. It could be. Or he's thinking, how do I get so lucky that I'm capturing this on video? 4K. Crystal clear. The 4K thing is just beautiful.

It adds something to it. It does, yeah. The fact that he went there. Available on demand today, possibly in 4K, a crazed killer hippo loses its marbles in Hungary. Around 14 years ago, Hasbro announced it was developing a movie based on the game Hungry, Hungry Hippos. It still hasn't happened, unfortunately.

But we are getting this. Someone must have said, forget the board game. What if the hippo just ate people? And the result is hungry. A survival thriller about a group stranded in the Louisiana swamps and hunted by a massive aggressive hippo on a deadly rampage. Glenn Danzig is 71 years old today. My God.

Looks great. Happy 17th to Jade from works in the same building as Josh Jesus, an Army mailman Jesus. Let us know some great news. His wife, DeVora, is getting discharged from the hospital today after some surgery. And, of course, he said it'll be great to have her home. That's 93X News. Randy Shaver.

On the half-assed morning show. Two-one pitch and swing in a high-fly ball. Left center field in deep. This one carrying back to the track, to the wall. Pa has no play. Byron Buxton with a first inning home run, and it's a one-one game. Well, the stars are here, and both stars with a first inning impactful swing. It's what the fans came to see.

This is why you buy a ticket. You buy a ticket to see Show Hey Otani Hit. You buy a ticket to see. Byron Buckston hit. Yeah, there goes another dong for our guy Buck, and we'll cover that for sure. We will, but first, earlier Randy Schaber, we were noting how quickly things can change in the sports world, for a lack of a better term. The sports world, things can change quickly, and some changes took place for a few NBA

rosters yesterday, including our own Timbalwool-Wolves. not a real surprise. No. You knew it was coming sometime. Yep. But the Timberwolves had to go ahead and trade Julius Randall. Now he works for the Brooklyn Nets. And this was all part of a three-team deal that also sent this guy that way to the Chicago Bulls.

The Bulls and the Nets and the Timberwolves were all involved. So we got to say goodbye to Julius Randall, who I really liked. who I really Yeah. I mean, he served his purpose here. Helped him get to the playoffs two years in a row. Western Final

in one of those years. You know, the deal is about his contract. It's not necessarily about him as a player. It's about his contract. It allows them way more flexibility. They re-signed. to a five-year $112 million deal.

So he's locked in now. And it gives him an opportunity to go out and sign someone like a Derek White, a player like that, and keep them under the first apron. So they've got and a chance to sign a couple of other guys. So they've, and they still have Gobert on their roster, which may or may not stay that way too. I really like Julius. I'm going to miss him.

Yep. I think on the surface people went, oh my gosh, they dropped five picks in the draft. They dropped out of the first round, and they didn't get a player in return. Well, that's not true. They are going to get players in return. With that money.

With that money. And that's really what it boils. down to. I'm not going to ask you to explain the apron that you mentioned a minute ago, because I wouldn't be able to follow it anyway, but you're saying this Julius Randall money you think will directly go to a point guard. Where's that point guard going to come from? Well, first of all, they signed I.O., which was a priority for them. You know, there's a lot of conversation about Derek White out there right now. Yeah. You've got John Morant still a, still a, still a,

conversation. Well, then. That's, I don't think it's going to have to. You don't like that. You've never liked the sound of that. No, I don't like that. And I don't, and I don't think that's as big a possibility as it sounded like a while back. John Morant.

But there's, you know, I'm sure there's, this allows them the flexibility to make some sort of trades and deals and to sign people and not be having to pay a luxury. attacks on their roster. I-O-Dissou, terrific addition to the club last year. We loved what he brought to the club, but he's more of a shooting guard, is he not? Yeah, pretty much. I mean, he makes things happen for sure. He can run the point, too. There's no chance he's the starting point guard come next basketball.

I don't think so. Okay. I think he comes off the bench. Okay. This allows Nas to go into the starting lineup. Yes, Nas Reid will now be a starter. which I think is, you know, the kind of the way it should go at this point. He should be the person that's jumping in there for Julius Crandle.

At least the way things appear right now. We all know this Tim Connolly guy who runs at Timberwolves. He's kind of nuts, you know, and that's a good thing. Yeah, you want that. He's not afraid to turn over massive deals. He's proven that. But as the way the way things stands right now, you'd have Nas in the starting lineup with Rudy Gobert.

and Jaden McDaniels. Speaking to Nas Reid, you know, there's Nas Reid sightings everywhere that the people bring the towels and the jerseys. There's a Nasreed jersey being worn at the World Cup match in Mexico. Oh, is there really? Yeah, some guy wears Nasree jersey to the Mexico World Cup game. I'm so thankful that I discovered Nas Reid when I did because now he's everywhere. He's global. And you're welcome for that.

You're welcome. Yeah, will Rudy Gobert still be on the roster come? Well, and also, Fall, Dante DiBenzhenzo. You know, he's probably not going to be able to play basketball at all next season. No. Which is a frigging shame. Which is, you know, obviously dead money on their roster.

So they, I mean, he's been talked about a lot as part of a trade just because of his contract, really more than anything else. So tomorrow is the day one of them tonight. I'm sorry, yes. Tonight is day one of what I'm sure will be a painfully long NBA draft. So with this Randall deal, the Wolves, as you mentioned, will no longer be picking number 28 tonight. They will be dumped down to the number 33 pick. I still feel something coming here, something big.

Not just a signing of a point guard. I feel something bigger on the horizon here, maybe possibly involving Rudy Gobert. Yeah, I think that that's, whether that happens before the draft tonight, I think, remains to be seen, but I don't disagree. I think that there's still cooking on some stuff. And they, you know, they really love Bergerger. They really love that kid.

Yeah. And he's untouchable for them. He's going to be their starting center, whether it's this year, now. next year. It's going to happen. That's what I read. The only three guys that this Connolly guy will not deal is Juan Barangare. I know some folks call him Johann Barangay or whatever. To me, he's Juan Barangayer. Anthony Edwards and McDaniels. Yes, Josh?

I was going to say, Juan Barang, that's a different sport, different generation. Come on, we got to call the guy Juan Barangare, right? Wonder if you ever think about all this. I don't know. What do you mean? Well, I mean, watching Cat win a title, these trades, wondering if he's going to get some reinforcements back in here. Well, don't you think he's probably involved in all of these conversations? I would think so, right? I would think he is.

I'll bet he is informed of when they happen, but I don't think he's in the middle of the planning of all this, no. Well, no, no, I don't mean the planning. I would imagine, though, that guys like, is it Tim Connolly? Yeah. And whoever else is on Tim Connolly's staff, I imagine they share these ideas with Anthony Edwards. The last thing they want is to piss this guy off. But he wasn't happy when Kat got traded.

Yeah, they need... But I doubt he was shocked when Kat got traded. I'm sure he wasn't happy. But I would bet he's involved in... He is informed of these ideas. Yes, I'm sure that they're telling him what's going on. He's not making telephone calls and whatnot. Probably after the fact before it gets out to the media,

but I'm sure that he's involved in some way or another. At any rate, I'm just saying I would be truly surprised if Edwards doesn't have some chair at the table in these conversations. Well, you know that this roster is not done yet. This is not a championship roster right now. We still have other pieces. and things to figure out. I don't think Gobert, Gobert is here come fall.

I don't either. Okay. Yeah, I don't either. Now, the other friggin, jibber-jabber. That's about time. Right. That didn't surprise anybody, but yet it's still something to talk about, the Greek freak. Like a lot of us, he's seen enough of Wisconsin.

Milwaukee Bucks are trading Giannis to the Miami Heat. Bobby Portis, veteran big man for the Bucks, also goes to Miami, and the Bucks got a lot in return. Tyler Hero, he's a starter. Jamie Jockwez Jr. Was he not the sixth man of the year? He was second in the voting. Second in the voting.

And a few other recognizable or semi-recognizable names, along with three first-round picks. So this was a massive deal. The Greek freak's been sitting around for how long now, and they've been having this little soap opera over whether he'll stay or whether he'll go where he's he's gone going down to flurred so there you frigging go i mean 13 years i was kind of surprised when i read that that uh gianis has been there already in the NBA for 13 years it's flown by but he won the bucks a title well not on his own but they called him a

what did I read this morning? The icon of that organization. So that's quite massive. How do you think you'll do down there in Miami with Pat Riley and that was Spolstra still running things down there? Yep. And they have a history of acquiring, you know, big players, big name players like this and then going out and winning championships.

I mean, LeBron comes to mind. and, you know, Shaq. Shack, Morning, Chris Bosch. I mean, they have a history of doing this. So whether it ends up, you know, turning into that remains to be seen. But they still have to surround Janus and Bam, at a bio, with some players to help them do that. They'll see what they can do.

Pat Riley. They gave up four players in their 20s, three first-round picks, including the 13th pick in tonight's first round. A couple of big future picks down the road. There you go. If this matters at all to you, I don't know. A point guard, Trey Young has agreed to work for the Washington Wizards for a stretch of time. Four years. Four-year deal, and they're going to entertain.

they're going to hand the peckerhead $212 million. Yeah. Unbelievable, right? Nice. When he's healthy, he is terrific. Yeah. I think you might say that you could say the same about Anthony Davis, but they've got to be healthy. That's, I mean, Washington is, they have invested a lot of money.

Why, is Anthony Davis on that roster now? He is. He's on the Wizards roster. I didn't know that. I'd completely forgotten about him. And they have the first pick of the draft tonight. The monobrow guy? Anthony Davis is a Washington wizard.

Yes, he is. I'm going to go along with it. And they have the first pick. That's right, tonight. Yeah, Trey Young, terrific when he's healthy. A little goofy. I think he might be goofy. The Dallas Mavericks are going to up and hire the dude who just led the Ann Arbor Astros

to a college basketball national title a couple of months ago. If you don't remember, and I certainly didn't, the dude's name is Dusty May. That's his real name. I didn't make that up. There he was coach in Michigan a couple of months ago. Now he's a head coach of the Dallas Maverick. That's at least the word. Nothing is official yet.

He replaces Jason Kidd. So I was reading about this the other day. Yes, he's had some interest in the NBA, but there are some underlying rumors. You know he won the national championship last year with all transfer players. And there's underlying rumors that there was some extensive violations and cheating done similar to what

he's possibly in trouble like Harbaugh was before he left and went to the Chargers is that a factor so there's that he's getting the hell out of town yeah that's that's part of a story that I read yesterday

crooked bastards there's a possibility that that's going to come out. That's one of the reasons why he left. Although... Just got to get the hell out of town. Yep. Take the morning in her own, baby. They also say that he has had some interest in the NBA

and coaching in the NBA. I'm sorry, what was the last statement there? I said he has had interest in coaching in the NBA. So he pulled the Norm Green, huh? You said to get the hell out of here as quick as possible. Adios? Yeah. Yeah.

The twins hung right in there with the stinking world champs last night in the Nskys. The Los Angeles Dodgers got the win by one effing run. The final final turned out to be two-one. In front of a big crowd, a lot of them fake Dodger fans. But there was a big crowd last night. Yeah. Three solo dongs tell the whole story here, Cubby. One for that shady Otani character in the first inning.

One for Buck. We played to the audio of a buck's rod. And then the other was off the bat of Fred Freeman. Freeman broke the 1-1 tie in the sixth inning. I mean, the twins actually, you know, had opportunities to win this game last night. It's too bad because Sebi Matthews pitched pretty well. Obviously a couple of mistakes in the home runs,

but for the most part, pitched really well. The twins only had three hits last night. So to only lose two to one to the Dodgers, whose payroll is, what, three times, almost three times as much as the twins? Something like that. Feels like that anyway. Pretty impressive night by the twins. Yeah, Zebby did all right.

Zebby did. Buxton has now eight dongs in his last 15 games, but the twins went hitless between Royce Lewis's two-out single and the first, and Austin Martin's lead-off single in the 8th. Yep. Didn't get the bats going. Up next game two or three tonight, Joe Ryan was scheduled to start,

but now Derek Shelton, the skipper over there, he announced after last night's ballgame that Joe Ryan is dealing with an illness. That sucks. Better that than elbow soreness. True. Yes, for sure. But here's the fun part.

Kendri Rojas is the word. We'll start tonight. for the twins, and we've all liked what we've seen from that kid. I think that's a bullpen game, though, too, right? Oh, I'll go along with that as well. Yeah. I mean, he's coming off the I-L. I don't think they hope to get six endings out of Kennedy Rojas tonight.

Left-hander Justin Rabelski will start. He's pretty good. Well, Jesus, he's 8 and 2. Who the hell is Justin Rebelsky? Yeah. Stupid. The Dodgers have a six-man rotation. only see these guys once a week.

They don't do the normal five-man rotation because they've got so many guys. Last night was a bullpen game because Lauer came in after the first inning. Okay. That'd be pretty cool if Joe Ryan's healthy enough to pitch tomorrow. It would be. Joe Ryan and Show High. Yes. That'd be awesome.

Is it a day game tomorrow? No, it's a night game. Oh. Then they'll draw another huge crowd. there. Yeah, well, let's hope that diarrhea clears up. Bring them some ammonium AD. People really want to bust our balls the last couple of days about the twins. Here's a text

that says, you guys are really glorifying them losing. They only lost two to one. For them to only lose two to one. They're a good team. Get real. Says this guy. We just had this conversation yesterday. Right.

What do you want us to do over here when we talk about the twins? just constantly just woe is us and they suck and everything sucks. Is that what you want? I don't understand. What do you want? I mean, I think fans are, obviously, fans are so jaded and disappointed by what happened. We don't have to rehash it, but, I mean, this lineup and this group is doing their best to try to be competitive. And so far, they are competitive.

They're a 500 baseball team. I mean, yeah, they... And in the American League, right now, that's competitive right now for postseason. I don't know. I don't think it's going to last. I think teams will start to emerge. I think you're going to have to play much better than this, which is probably why the twins will likely be sellers at the trade deadline. But for right now, the American League is what it is.

is and the twins are in the mix. There you go. When does Ludacris cut loose with his postgame concert? Friday night. My wife has had that on the calendar since they announced it. Your wife's going to see Ludacris? She is, as she calls it, a Luda fan. She loves ludicrous. She goes to every twins game they have where he's performing, she goes. Oh, wow. Listen to this take on baseball from a listener.

Your mom's plumber, Jesus. Once the boomers fade away, so will baseball. baseball. Okay? This man is predicting the death of baseball in a number of years. Yeah, I don't think so. I bet you that ludicrous concert's going to change everyone's idea. Oh, I'm sure. He puts on a good show from what I've been told. Oh, yeah, I've seen him a couple times. He's fantastic. Are you going? So, Josh, you don't go with your wife when she goes to see Ludacris? No, I don't attend. I do not. I have nothing against ludicrous.

It's a Friday night. Why aren't you going? Oh, I can't stay out that late. Yeah, I'm not going to be doing that. No, she likes to go with her girlfriends. I'm not even invited. I think it would ruin her experience if I was there to be quite honest. All right, I'm considering maybe dumping any conversation on the twins in the future. People are just being ridiculous via the text machine.

More are coming in? L-O-L. They win a couple games against the Diamondbacks and you're suddenly competitive. L-O-L. I don't know. I'm at a loss here. I mean, again, I enjoy, I'm going to say the same thing I said yesterday. I enjoy baseball. I enjoy talking about baseball.

I love the twins no matter what. Am I aware? Again, I'm sorry for everyone who was listening at this exact time yesterday because I'm going to end up repeating myself. We are all fully aware of the twin situation. We're fully aware of the ownership situation. We're fully aware of now they're not able to pay their concession stand employees. we think that's all a terrible shame.

We're disgusted about certain things involving this organization. But can we not just talk a little baseball? Can we just avoid the bad and just talk baseball or not? It's not like we're ignoring other massive stories and other sports. Baseball is kind of the only thing going right now. They are a surprisingly competitive team despite all of their shortcomings. I'm enjoying myself for the most part. If you're not, I guess, I don't know what to do to help you.

If this all aggravates you that we have anything positive to say about the twins, I don't know how to help you. So I guess change the channel if it's bothering you so much that we're enjoying a conversation about a game that we love. Should we switch subjects to hockey? Would that make everybody feel better? I don't know. I don't know what to do.

This is just, I mean, it's so ridiculous. Well, but I think, Nick, that's also indicative of how twins fans feel. They are. Yeah, well, then contact the twins. They are deeply hurt about the way things have transpired over the last year and a half. And we are too. You can't blame them. Yeah. No, I'm not blaming their hard feelings towards the twins, but just why are you directing it towards us?

Like we're standing on your dick or something like that. We're just trying to talk a little baseball. If that troubles you, you can find something else to do for a few minutes. I don't know what to tell you. Yesterday, the National Hockey League went ahead and announced their Hall of Fame class of 20, then 26. These folks will be dumped into the hall for real come November, folks like Keith Kachuk. He was elected to the hall one day after his sons became teammates with the Florida Panthers. Brady was traded from Ottawa to join Matthew in Florida.

So they must have had a really good time at the Kichukhouse. And that dude was a fierce player. And I see that in his sons once in a while when I've watched them play. I see a little bit of that fierceness that Keith had on the ice for all those years. He ended his career a decade and a half ago. And now goes into the hall. He turned out to be one of the top American-born scorers ever. Patrice Bergeron is also going in.

A couple of great goaltenders, Kerry Price from Montreal. Pecca Renee. from Nashville, who I completely forgotten about. Also a U.S. women's hockey pioneer by the name of Cindy Curley is going in. And a dude from Edina. Brian Burke heard his name many, many, many times over as a hockey fan. He was the GM in Anaheim when they won the cup in 2007. He's been the NHL's director of hockey operations.

He graduated from Adina High School. he was also a leading voice in hockey pride efforts and an advocate of the women's game he was actually once even the executive director of the professional women's hockey league players association so brian burke has had a role in many different hockey related things graduated from adina you always got to root for the little guy right josh that's right finally something went right for that city. At his graduation party, there was cake and he ate it. That's what they do. Pulled himself up by his bootstraps. Keith Kachuk, I read about Keith Kachuk, you know, the phone call, the telephone call he got. He said he waited 45 minutes to clue his family in on his good news

after he got the call. He said to the boys, he had both boys in the house, and he said, hey, you guys want to have a beer? And of course, they're hockey players. They said yes. And he broke out the news as they were all sharing a beer together. That's cool. Going into the hall. 18 years in the league. And as you guys know, if you were a member of the 96 World Cup of Hockey Club that defeated Canada in that tournament, I'll have a special place in my heart for you until the day that I die.

And if you're not familiar with that tournament, I again, I stress you look up a documentary on YouTube called orchestrating and upset, I believe is the name of the video, orchestrating and upset. It's a documentary on that. team and you get to see the nastiness of that tournament, including Keith Kachuk and Adam Foot swinging their hockey sticks at each other like they were, sorry to bring up baseball again for you people who are mad, swinging their hockey sticks at each other like baseball bats. It was a wild lawless tournament and Kachuk was part of that club.

Do they still do the World Cup of hockey? Good question. I thought they'd, maybe they'd stop. I thought they still did. I thought it was over. But I am not the biggest fan of the international tournaments, as some other hockey fans might be. I don't really follow the international stuff. Yeah, the next one is 20 and 28.

Okay. All right. I didn't mean to. I was getting back to Tex, and I kind of zoned out for a second. Did the baseball talk game come up? I mean, Bucks didn't hit that home, but there's a lot to talk about. Yeah, we talked a little baseball. Oh, did we? Twins baseball.

Do you have any thoughts on the twins? What a wonderful story. I watched the game last night. It was an entertaining ball game. They lost by one run to the Dodgers. Yeah, they held their own, didn't they? Yeah. Twins fans on social media, you were pissed yesterday, too,

because the twins announced that they're going to have a dance team that's going to perform out a couple games this season. Oh, wow. Pissed. That's just because they're spending money. No fun allowed. Right, exactly. And they're like, oh, so we can't get a reliever, but we have a dance team.

Yeah, I think the prices are a little different. Oh, my God. Yeah. I think you're right. Trade Buckson, we've got to free up some money for the dance team. Again, we all understand the good and the bad that's going on over there. I mean, just don't kick us in the balls just because we're talking about the game last night. If Josh and I were scheduling a Polad parade this afternoon on Hennepin Avenue,

I could understand why some people would go after us. But we're just talking baseball. We're just trying to, at least. a dance team I've never seen that in baseball you guys Dan Dan Dan Dan Dan Dan Dan Dan

Boom Putta Tettettit Ta damn It reminds me You know While we're talking about hockey It reminds me of the What did they call the

The dance team The ice dance? No not the ice dance Towards the end of the North Stars run They had Yeah The ladies in the aisles Yeah but there were dudes too

They were called the God dang it Someone text 651-9-9-9-1-9-7-1-9-7 8, 9, 93. What was the name of the North Stars dance club that they had in the dying days? So it looks like the twins become the sixth team to have an official dedicated dance team. Did they have a cute name or anything?

Looks like the Twins rally dancers. Okay, the Twins rally dancers. They can learn along with the Mets, the Brewers, the Astros, the Rangers, and the Braves. It was a real simple name that the North Stars dancers had. I can't believe I can't come up with it. But yeah, that was a thing. And hockey fans did not like that when it happened. And especially when the rink was mostly empty,

it just looked terrible. There were probably more dancers than there were fans than the seats on some nights. The blank stars, the something, something. What else hockey related? I thought I had something else. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. The electric stars.

That's where it is. Thank you for texting you. The electric stars. The electric stars. This is not something that pigs fans want to hear. Not that it's official in any way, shape, or form. This Dylan Larkin character. That's all anyone's been talking about for a couple months now.

Dylan Larkin. He doesn't want to play for Detroit anymore. He's tight friends with weird Quinn Hughes. He played for Bill Garen. He knows Bill, whatever. Dylan Larkin. When's the trade going to happen? Well, now the latest story is his preferred club is not Minnesota.

his preferred club is the Dallas Stars. Well, that sucks. I don't know if I'm buying it, but that's the story going around. When it first became public, his preferred trade destinations, there were three teams, the pigs, the Golden Knights, and the Florida Panthers. So far, the general manager over there with the Red Wings, Steve Iserman, who was on that 96 Canadian World Cup of Hockey Club and got to watch the United States

take the championship game, punk that he is, Steve Eiserman. He hasn't liked the offers he's received so far from the pigs or from the Knights or from the Panthers. Okay, so I guess during this process now, Dylan Larkin has made it clear to somebody that he would prefer to play in Dallas. also it says here the Anaheim Ducks and their general manager

the little red ball of hate, Pat Verbeek, is also in the mix. So, if this is true, okay, that sucks. I'm not buying it. I think it might be a mind-eff. I think it might be one of these general manager mind-fs where as soon as that information gets to, like say, for example, Bill Garen, now he's going to really put together a trade package for Dylan Larkin, right?

So the Red Wings win in the end. I'm calling it a mind deaf right now. I'm sure you're right. They probably do that kind of stuff all the time. Right. If he ends up going down to Texas to play hockey, Pigs fans will be extra butt hurt. Not only is he going to play in the same division, but he's going to play with one of the clubs considered to be their biggest rival, the other being Colorado.

in my opinion. Well, Garen and company still have to get Quinn Hughes figured out, too. Yeah. They've got a couple of big things that they've got to get figured out. And, you know, depending on that deal, that I'm sure trickles down to how they structure something with Dylan Larkin, too. So they've got a lot to figure out. That's the latest there.

Oh, man. All right. World Cup soccer fan. who have come from all different parts of the world here to the United States to watch that friggin' tournament. They're joking around about gaining what they're calling the FIFA 15. Randy, did you put on the freshman 15 when you went to college from all that beer and pizza?

Yeah, I think I did, yes. Yeah, that's a real thing. It is. Not a good thing when you're on the track. Oh, no, that's right. When you're on the track and field team? Oh, I bet not. Yes.

Yeah, that wasn't a good thing. But the short answer is yes. I remember coming home for Thanksgiving break and you maybe don't notice it right away or maybe you're in denial. I went to go visit a buddy at his place and his dad sees me. He goes, Jesus Christ, what happened to you? You put on a little pot belly?

Yeah, I'm like, oh, all right, I guess I have to stop being in denial. Yeah, I've heard the jokes. the stories year after year about the freshman 15. And I remember the first time I visited a college campus was when I went up to St. Cloud State to visit my pals when we were freshman age. I wasn't going to school, never did. But I went up there all the time. And the first time I went into the dormitory and I met these buddies of mine in the lunchroom.

And I could not believe the amount of food that was. available to each and every one of the kids staying in that dormitory. It was glorious. And they said, yeah, I mean, this is near 40 years ago now, 35 years ago, for sure. And they said, yeah, I mean, whatever, five bucks a day, we get all of this. Yeah, and as much as you want, too. As much as you want. Yeah, you go up and say, would you like a cheeseburger?

No, I'll take a triple cheeseburger, though. It just blew my mind. So along with the beer drinking, no wonder so many kids put on weight when they go to that situation. And also in my case, I go from working out every day in the wait room, playing sports, to occasionally going down to the gym and walking on a treadmill for eight minutes. That's the big difference, right?

So that's the big thing. The metabolism is gone at that point. For people who played high school sports and then they don't. Right. It changes. Oh, okay. I never considered that. So thousands of international soccer fans, goofballs that they are,

have come to America now to watch this tournament, and they're all talking about how they're putting on weight like a son of a bitch from all the wonderful foods that we have here. Things that I guess they, depending on where they're from, they can't get. We mentioned already something about ranch dressing. They're smuggling ranch dressing home. They're already... TSA had to comment on it.

They're already like cutting hidden pockets in their luggage and preparing to steal ranch dressing. And what did the TSA say about it? They said, you know, you can't bring it on board, right? So they're telling people to check it. And they had some kind of funny marketing campaigns around it. There was a video of a guy who he was informed that he couldn't bring it through security. So he goes, okay, just crack the bottle open, started chugging the ranch dressing right there. Was that more than one person?

I saw an article on it, but maybe it was just the one guy. I've seen a couple different ones. So now I think it's become a thing so people are doing it to get, you know, reposted and all that. But what made you fat in your freshman year at Iowa State, Randy? Was it the beer drinking? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it wasn't necessarily the food. I mean, the food was, I'm sure, part of it, too. But, yeah, it was definitely, you know, Wednesday nights was ladies' night. Thursday night was quarter pitcher night, Friday night, Saturday night. Monday night was whatever. Quarter pitcher night. Geez, what a time to be alive. Oh, gosh, for sure.

Well, I know you're serious. Yes. Because, I mean, even when I got to that age, you could get a pitcher for a dollar, you know? Yeah. And rest in peace, ladies nights. I missed those. And Sally's on Wednesday nights at the U of M.

That was the place to be. Was it cool in the gang that gave us that hit single back in 79, Covey? Ladies night. I want to say that was cool in the gang, I want to say it was 79. So here are the other glorious snacks and fast food joints and whatnot that the foreigners, folks from overseas, they're just inhaling the stuff. They can't get enough.

Some of them are even skipping some of the soccer games so they can just go to Dunkin' Donuts. Ranch dressing, Dunkin' Donuts. They mention Raising Cains. They love it. Chipotle Taco Bell. They also mentioned barbecue. type restaurants. Kansas City is one of the host cities.

Oh. You know, that's big there. Big, fat, greasy steaks. Clam chowder. What? How does that come into the mix? Clam chowder? We're going to go and watch the soccer game.

In an outdoor stadium, it's 100 degrees. I'm going to give me some clam chowder in me first. Oh, wait a minute. They're playing in Boston, aren't they? Oh, yeah, that's it. They also love our pizza pie and our deli sandwiches. So they're all getting fat. And then the booze. Yeah.

They're drinking their bags off. It is fun seeing all the videos of just the pure joy all these tourists are having. It just, yeah, I don't know. Something lovely about it. I mean, I understand where you go a certain place they're known for something. Like if you go to Kansas City, you're going to want to get some barbecue, right? Or Boston, you're going to want clam chowder. Or what are those crab cake?

I don't know with those lobster rolls. Oh, sure. Things like that. You go down to the, you go down to the, you go down to the, what do they call it? The wharf? No, no, no. I'm trying to come up with a slang term for another part of America,

and I can't come up with them. The Delta, go down to the Delta, the bayou, New Orleans, Mississippi. You got to eat up all that gumbo and... Jambalaya. Creole food. Jumbalaya. There was a mutual friend of ours, Nick, who he lived in California, and he would come here. for rock star games and makers of Grand Theft Auto.

And he would come here to kind of promote the game. And he always wanted to go to Perkins. And that was the one thing he was so excited about to come to Minnesota. He wanted a big breakfast. And he's like, I can't get this anywhere near me. So he wanted biscuits and gravy and every huge big breakfast thing you can get. Are they playing soccer in Atlanta? Yes.

Oh, someone texted in and said, you know all those folks from Waffle House. Oh, man. That's a good example, too, Randy Shaver. someone said, you know all those folks from overseas are heading to that Atlanta strip club with the chicken wing. Oh, yeah. The lemon pepper wings? What's the name of that joint again? Yeah, I'm looking it up.

Yeah. I just watched Bert Kreischer's show where they went there for the wing. Magic City? Magic City. Yeah, they're heading in there for the wingy and the squish. Problem solver Jesus wants to know if these people from overseas will eat any of my grandmother's clam chowder. No. That has ruined Clam Chowder for a lot of us. I don't think you want to...

I can't do it anymore. I don't think you want a spoonful of that. A lot of the talk with this goofy soccer tournament has been about the Scottish fans. They've been the rock stars of this operation. I've forgotten now what we've covered so far about the Scottish fans. They've been drinking a lot. They drink a lot. Drinking bars out of their beer, drinking planes out of their alcohol.

Okay, that's right. They took over Fenway. They were singing their songs. You know, their team songs in Fenwayne. You could hear it all throughout the stadium. Now, you said earlier that you've enjoyed watching videos of just, what a great time all these people they're having. But Josh said it a few minutes to go off air.

He said, it's all great. But as soon as this tournament's over, get them out of here. That is not what I said. Get them the hell out of here. I said before the tournament. Before he wants them up. You got to listen. Here's the latest with the Scots.

They've been hanging out in Boston. And they've been bombing this special. specific liquor store in Boston. They're all going into this one liquor store, even though I'm sure there's plenty. Plenty of places to get a case of beer in Boston. They've been heading to this one place in particular. It's called J-B-E-Lickers. J-O-B-I.

It's pronounced J-O-B-I-I-It's. And the reason the Scots love it so much, they must be simple people. They love it because J-B-E-in- their part of the world is a slang word for poop. Who would have thought the dude from joby liquors Would have to maybe hire some extra employees When the Scots came to town Because if you're in Scotland If you say joby, that means poop

Yeah, that's pretty funny You wouldn't lock I mean, I guess I've seen people take pictures In front of a come and go You know? That name would have been intentional Well, it's not about the name It's about the spelling of course

Yeah, dispelling. That's what gets you. That wouldn't draw me. Like, if I went to Zimbabwa, right? Mm-hmm. And there was a liquor store called sh-lickers or poop liquors. I wouldn't say, oh, I got to go there. That's where you and I differ.

You would have to go to a liquor store called poop liquors. If there's poop liquor on the left side of the street and there's Joe liquor on the right hand, I'm going to poop liquor. You know what? It depends on how you spell liquor. Right. That would be a major factor. Now, if it's a Jill liquor, depending on the spelling, you'd definitely get a picture in front of that. I would actually not like the sound of a liquor store called sh-licers.

But the Scots are running to this place. They're taking pictures out front of the joint. They love it. Just because joby is their slang term for poop. Simple people. Simple pleasures. Josh. Yeah, I like simple pleasures. Medical IT, she's just said, she has a new business venture. She's going to be mailing ranch to people outside of the United States. She can make a killing.

It seems like that's the most popular thing over here, right? Everybody loves the ranch now. I just assumed they had it in England. I didn't realize it would be such a big deal. I would think so, too. Somebody's claiming there's a liquor store in Salem, Massachusetts, called Bunghole Liquors. Come on. Oh, you know what? Maybe it's AI, but I've seen that before. It's a text message I just received bunghole liquors in Salem Mass. I mean, around here, of course, you got beaver liquor. There's certainly some jokes. It's like the master bait and tackle.

Right, right. What the hell? My dad's got up. My dad had a baseball cap from some liquor store that has a sexual innuendo type name, and now I can't come up with it. I think we should be happy about bunghole liquors. It means beaves and butthead are doing well for themselves. They opened up their own liquor store.

Bunghole. They did use that a lot. They did. Yeah, beaver liquors. It's friggin' soccer tournament, Randy. Yeah, see, people are texting in about beaver liquors. Yes, that is a place. If I was visiting a foreign country, I would say, oh, yeah, I got to go there.

Because to me, that's kind of cute. But the poop liquors or turd liquors, no, I would go to the other store. That's a little. We've certainly talked before about some of the town names. or street names in England. You know, a lot of dirty-sounding things. Some of those street names in England, it's just straight up the F word. Yeah.

It's just F-street. Randy, you ever been taken to F-street? I have not. No? I guess I'm missing out. Yeah, you are. You absolutely are. This text says, I work with a guy from Ecuador.

His favorite discovery from the U.S. is spicy buffalo sauce from McDonald's. Again, the simple pleasure. Yeah. Things we take for granted. Right. Yeah, maybe it's Fanny Lickers. I can't remember the name of this liquor store.

I'll show you the kind of guy my old man was. He went in there 30 years ago and bought a hat. He had to buy a hat from Fanny Lickers. Oh, yeah, here go, camel towing. They used to advertise. Sure, yeah. I remember the boys from camel towing. Oh, by the way, speaking of all these businesses,

one of our listeners texted in and wanted me to say hello to Tiny down at Hogbauer's Automotive, Third Avenue in Main Street. He's been there forever. Tiny's one of the longest, yeah, tenured employees there at Hogbowers. Guy texted and say hello to Tiny over there at Hogbowers. He did a hell of a job on my Chrysler. Right. Hogbauer's Automotive.

It's become a popular company with our listing audience. Yeah. Yes. People have sent in photos of it. Yeah. This might mean nothing to Aladias, but some of us come from an era where ESPN Sports Center was a really fun and entertaining television program. A gal from that era, anchor Linda Cohn,

will be retiring from ESPN at the end of this month, Randy Schaeber. Yeah, yep. She's the longest tenured sports center anchor. She's been behind the desk since 19 and 92. She'll make her final sports center appearance on June 26th. Wow. She's a legend. Yeah, and like you said, one of the ones I grew up watching every day.

And, okay, this is all, it's funny how it all works out. talk about all these, you know, sexual innuendo, cute names for liquor stores. Poop, liquor, fanny, liquor, beaver liquor. I remember this could be the liquor talking. But I thought that Linda Cohn came up with a gimmick on ESPN years ago where she would talk baseball and talk about a specific couple of hitters who were doing well. And she called the segment Master Batter. I don't remember that one.

I don't remember that. And I thought it was fun for a few weeks, but then the stiff city ESPN told her to knock it off. Okay. Maybe I'm thinking of somebody else, but she had a little segment called Master Bader. There you go. All right, Randy, one more little question here for you. A listener of ours, he and his wife, are traveling to your motherland of Cedar Rapids. Yes, stop and see the statue.

They mentioned that. Yep. Okay, I'm going to give you a chance to tell us if this is a bit. There really is a statue of you in Cedar Rapids, Iowa? Yeah. There should be. I always thought it was a joke. You really have a statue?

For what? For my high school prowess. Unbelievable. Yeah. They mentioned the statue. Yeah. And they said they're going to swing by and vandalize it. Yes.

Please do. They're going to hang a big rod off of it or something. If it's accurate, it already has one. True. Thank you, Josh. They want your recommendations for a joint called Leonardo's. Yes. What should they order it?

Great pizza. Pizza. Leonardo's is famous for their pizza. And that's, if you walk into Leonardo's, you're walking back into time. It's a 1960s basically decor. And so are you. Yeah. Sometimes.

It's, and you could sit, when you walk into Leonardo's, the booth directly to your left in the corner is where I sat for prom dinner, pizza with my date and some friends. And I think there's a plaque over the, the, The booth. Is there really? That's funny. Yeah. Yeah, that says this is where Randy had his prom dinner. His hand stuff.

There was no frigging hand stuff. They had hand stuff back then. That wasn't even invented yet. It wasn't? No. Not in Iowa. It didn't get all the way down to Iowa. Oh, I didn't consider that.

We were doing it up here. You're right. I didn't consider that. Your prom date, huh? Yeah. That's adorable. Leonardo's, man. Awesome.

I've heard of it. I think you've mentioned it before. Josh, how many text messages have you received in the last 20 minutes about a place in White Bear Lake called Flickr Meat? I didn't see that. Is there really one? I don't know. People are texting in about it. We should open up a business with a goofy name like that.

I don't know if it's real. What do I know? I'm a bad person. I'm a twins fan. I don't know. Oh, geez, glazing the twins again. I'm always glazing the twins. I hate that phrase.

I don't know why I used it. I glaze them up and down. My son and his buddies use. I leave a layer. It's shiny. The layer I leave on them. It's so gross. Shiny.

Well, we had some angry moments this morning, but I think overall we had a good time. Well, I think people like your rants. Yeah. We had some anger, but that's just life, Randy. Yeah. Yes, it is. It's real. Oh, dude.

It is as real as it's going to get around here. Thanks, Pimp. All right. We'll see you tomorrow. We'll rattle your cage tomorrow. We'll be back in a couple of minutes here on the half. morning show. Air conditioning, the love of my life.

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fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com.com.com.com.com.com.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-A-L-L-E-L-A-L-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E. This isn't your average podcast. You like party?

This is full send. Join the party. So you guys launched the N-K-E-Lough Island. Congrats, boys. Who's that? Like, five years ago, we could do that easily. And it'd be crazy when we're parting, but when you're, like, in your 30s a little bit. Well, that's why you barely show up to set, day two.

Just a few hours of tardy. Steiny wanted to be the host to be the host. It's like, why didn't you let me be the host? It's like, bro, you showed up six hours late every day. I had a girlfriend. The Full Send podcast, follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93X half-ass morning show. Yeah, we're still going, by God.

Until 9 a.m. they tell us. We can shut her down at 9. Thanks for being all up in here for the Tuesday friggin' version of the 93X-HafS morning show. Yeah, we were going on and on about bar names, liquor store names with like sexual lingo thrown in there, sexual innuendos, liquor box, this and that. Boy, did our listeners have a lot of knowledge on that subject. We got a lot of text messages on bar names and liquor store names with a sexual vibe to it. I'm kind of surprised that these really exist. They know all the places.

Our listeners know everywhere's to go. Did you see this, Cubby? I believe this. They're different up in Canada. The listener tells us there's a park in Canada called Dildo Park. I'd be careful where I sat down. No kidding. The first thing that comes to mind is I'm going to try to be careful where I sit down at Dildo Park.

Have you been there, Josh? Dildo Park? Can you look it up? Would you mind looking that up for me? Where do they have Dildo Park? Where do you park it? Because, I mean, there's some far away remote places in Canada where they probably speak a completely different language.

There's South Dildo Park. Yeah. Dildo Run Provincial Park. What part of Canada is this? Way the hell up there in Saskatchewan or something like that? Newfoundland is where a Dildo Run is. That, right. You see what I mean?

Newfoundland. That's a totally different world. The other day we were talking about the Yukon territory and whatnot. Totally different world up there. They don't even bat an eye knowing that they have a dildo park. Where if you and I built Dildo Park today, a couple blocks from here, every news station would show up with their cameras to try to get some answers out of us. Oh yeah, people would be upset.

So in the Netherlands, that's where they have South Dildo Park. And the town is South Dildo. Oh, I'm sorry, just plain Dildo. Just your regular old Dildo. though. So nothing to do with Canada? No, not this one. Oh, okay. But the other one was Canada. Oh, I'll tell you right now. That's entertaining stuff.

All right. Also, going back to a conversation we had earlier, we didn't get a chance to really dive deep into this. I don't think I know anyone who was buried with something, like buried with their favorite. What do we cover earlier? We were talking about foods. We read about a guy who was buried with his favorite snacks, potato chips, candy bars, and fast food burgers. So first things, first, I don't know. Do you guys know anyone who was, there they were laying in the box, in the casket, and they requested that they'd be buried with something. No, nothing. See it in the movies. Sure, definitely in the movie. We read one where someone was buried.

with their favorite recliner. Right. But I haven't, no, but not even like, I don't know, like a favorite blanket or something. I mean, nothing at all. I mean, I suppose your family might have some ideas after the fact as to what you might have wanted placed in the casket with you before they lower you down into the ground.

I guess you have to have a certain presence of mind or a knowledge that you're on your way out in order to, you know, put that in writing. bury me with my blank. Daniel, would you be buried with a Nintendo or something like that? Oh, or maybe like a cough drop? What you're probably going to need is a lozange and a bucket. Yeah, exactly.

No, I thought about that. I mean, yeah, I guess like a Game Boy or something might be kind of funny. Oh. Here are some specific items that people were buried with. Now, I don't know if this was their family's idea after the fact or, like, I was saying a minute ago, they had the presence of mine to put this in writing beforehand. You know, like, for example, here's a dude who wanted to be buried with his television remote. Josh, you do know that my grandpa lets me hold the remote, but not until after we watch the powerball.

I think you said that. Yeah. Here's a guy who was buried with his television remote. This is fitting, a guy or a gal. I'll just go ahead and I'm just going to guess this was a dude, but I can't. could be wrong. And it's fitting because these items are probably what put him in that casket. He wanted to be buried with his cigarettes and his lighter.

He's committed. Have a couple on my way down. Lottery tickets. Big gambler, I would assume. Yep. Big gambler. What if you got buried with a scratcher that was like a million-dollar winner? Yeah, you're going to have some sort of low-life cousin digging that up.

Dang, and all I got was a buyback. shoot. If you got any ideas what you want to be buried with, you can go ahead and text a 651-9893-93-93. Or if you have a good story, like for example, here's the other Iron Range Jesus. They had to go ahead and bury his uncle a while

back and he was buried in his Chicago Cubs jersey, a six-pack of Budweiser. And a one-hitter. He was a drug addict. Electrostatic painter Jesus said when his dad passed about a year and a half ago he was buried with his 100 year old pool stick which was very special

dude sorry to hear about your dad by the way i would like to i would like to have seen that pool queue before it went down with him uh of course there's a lot of folks dudes texted in right away that uh they want to be buried with their wife and just for the record even if she's in perfect health uh they'd like to bring her with you're coming with me you're coming with me you're not going to have any real laughs Financial advisor, Jesus said his aunt was buried with a deck of cards. I bet she was good with that deck. I bet you could win a couple of games of Jesus.

What was that card game that all the old timers played when I was a kid? I'll never come up with it. Oh, now I just did. Yucer. Oh, yeah, sure. Or some folks called it Buck Yucer. Those are the two names for that card game that I heard over and over again. when I was a kid.

When we were at family functions and whatnot, there was always a card table with a group of adults, and I always heard them talking about Yucer. Can I shuffle well? I never played the game. Oh, I think you've said, Nick. Oh, I can't shuffle the deck of cards for Dick Tracy. My wife could work in Vegas.

She's so good at it. I'm awful at it. Like I've been yelled at before for bending cards. Oh, you're a bender? I don't do it anymore because people have yelled at me. My hands are not my greatest gift. I just, when it comes to intricate this and that, my hands, it's why I could never, ever in a million years,

learn how to play a guitar. My hands and fingers are my greatest weakness. So yes, I've tried over and over and over again. I can come close, but I will never be a proficient card shuffler. My twin brother can do it behind his back, up his ass back, hang him upside down. He can shuffle a spin him in a circle. Yeah, I have the same way too.

I can do a perfect ripple shuffle every single time. That's impressive. She's tried to teach me. I bought a book on how to do it, and I still can't figure it out. I love that. I can't turn the pages on the book well either. This person says, my neighbor was buried with a snowmobile. Where are these plots of land that people are with the recliners in snowmobiles?

I mean, unless you're just digging a hole in your own private backyard, you've got to pay for an entire separate spot for that sled. you do. Wow. Oh, here's a guy who got or a gal who got Oh, buried, speaking of guitars, buried with their guitar. Buried with their wedding dress. That kind of gives me the creeps.

Yeah, kind of does me too. I'm not trying to take away anything from that person, but that's, yeah, like a corpse bride thing. Buried with money, thousands of dollars. didn't want anyone else to get their grubby hands on it, I guess. Buried with their internet router and laptop. Weird.

Love that internet, man. Here's an individual who might have watched too many horror movies. They were buried with their vampire hunting kit. You never know. I suppose in the afterlife, you don't really know who you might cross paths with. Maybe you've got to fight through a, uh, again, of vampires on your way to their fantasy football trophy

douche I'm calling fantasy football players douchebags the dead guy's off the hook yeah he's off the hook oh a pair of fuzzy slippers because the grave looks cold a Ouija board creepy

although I don't believe in that stuff the Ouija board stuff I saw it happen once in person a whole full-on type of a seon Is that the word, Josh? A seance, sure. Yeah, and it was a total nonsense. Someone went into the grave with their dead parrot,

who had already been taxidermied. A couple of people. Taxidermied. Is that how you say that? Yeah, I was not picturing it was taxidermine. I was thinking maybe it was cremated or so I don't know what you do with the parrot. We cremated our dogs and buried them, you know. The parrot had gone first.

Yep. And then when the individual checked, out. They said, throw that dead parrot in here with me. I want to go to the afterlife with what's a typical parrot name? Polly. Polly. Yeah. Petey.

Petey the parrot. There was a parrot at the car wash next to us for many, many years, and I don't know if he passed or they just decided not to bring him in there. Oh, yeah. I know the car garage you're talking about, Josh. We've had this conversation and it was my assumption that every car wash had a parrot. Because

my neighborhood car wash also had a parrot. Was it a paradise? Maybe that was their bit. Don't know. Because it's a paradise car wash. Oh, so that was the name of the joint you went to? Yeah, and so I thought that maybe that was kind of their thing. Because I thought the one by you had one.

I thought it was a paradise. I just thought it was some kind of a... Or Golden Valley, maybe it was. I'm trying to remember. I assumed, and I've not been to many car washes in my life. I'm not the best at keeping my car squeaky clean on the outside. On the inside, I like to keep it nice. On the outside, I'm not too worried.

about so I don't have a deep experience with visiting car washes but because just young guy thinking here because the joint that I went to I just thought it was an industry and then I heard other story I just thought it was an industry wide thing when you open a car wash you have to have a parrot in there I mean it's it's entertaining shotgun Messiah Jesus wants to be buried with his phone and hard drives so people have some real good luck trying to find his search history Not bad idea. Well, see, yeah, here's another one. We're talking about where, you know, different things that people have been buried with.

One here says their social media passwords. So is that to keep anyone from learning anything about them? Yeah, could be. We all want to die with our search history a secret, right? Yeah, and there's nothing dirty in mine, but it's probably so nerdy. I don't want people to go full nerd. This person says Paradise Having a Bird, that's their thing. The Woodbury has one has a two.

I never considered looking at the name of the... And it was a funny-ass parrot. He did look... I remember he did look kind of hopeless and sad, which that... I hope you don't mind me saying that kind of entertained me. Well, you do like sad animals. You've mentioned it before.

There was something about this depressed-looking bird at my neighborhood car wash. that I kind of took it as a form of comedy. Yeah, you've mentioned before there's certain animals, certain places around here you like to see how depressed they are. Okay, so someone says some liability issues got in the way of parrots at car washes. Oh, that's too bad. Must have one bad experience and it ruined it.

ate a kid. I know my son was in here a second. It may have possibly taken a nipple off of a child or something while they walked by. We got to wrap it up. But we were having a conversation about, oh boy, when you go, when you check smooth out. They're going to chuck in that box and then chucky into the clay. Famous line from Leonard Skinner's single The Ballad of Curtis Lowe. When they chunk you in the clay, is there something you want to bring with you?

or do you know a story about someone who was buried with something special? We've had a couple people text in and say, you know, yeah, my grandpa went into the grave with his cigarettes in his shirt pocket, this and that. Oh, hell, someone was buried with a snowmobile. Someone was buried with a damn motorcycle. Josh thinks that maybe Dana would be right if you were buried with your Nintendo remote control. Yeah. Or something Lego-related. Yeah, I was going to say, maybe just bury me.

me in Lego. Or like a Lego coffin. Oh, that would be awesome. They probably have one. You think that pig would be strong enough or would she crumble? We would need a lot of reinforcing pieces in there for sure. We've got to pick up your parts. No one wants to pick up your dirty parts. We could put them back together again. The casket broke again. Get all hands on deck. All right. We're staying over here. You know to put this together. He's the only one that knows how to do it. Some listeners have texted in. They know a thing or

And they have some ideas of what they'd like to be buried with. Bury me with my guitar hero controller. One of our listeners says. I was hooked on that game for a while. I sucked on it. I put it away all. I think I played it for 20 minutes and never touched it again. It was frustrating.

That game was so big. I can't even play a fake guitar. Oh, yeah, that's right. The game was so big, Josh. And then all of a sudden it just wasn't anymore. Yeah, one of those fads. You're right. It was huge.

Everybody was playing it. a little bit. Every used video game store, they stopped accepting people selling them, their old guitar hero controllers and the rock band thing. Like, we have 900 of them in the back. Nobody wants them. That's one of the games that I played a lot. And I've never been a big gamer, but I really got into it. And my brother-in-law is a genius. He can do anything, and he can do it better than most. And he'd never played it. So I was excited to introduce it to him. And I was thinking, and like, finally, there's something I'm better than him at. But within, I'd say, 20 minutes, he was playing expert.

He figured it out. He's a great musician anyways. But, man, did he figure that thing out quickly? That happened to me with my dad and Tiger Woods Golf on the PlayStation 2. I introduced it to him. He goes, oh, this is kind of fun. I kicked his ass. But a day and a half later, he was just completely dominated.

It's frustrating. Losing your dad in video games and your teenager is so humiliating. One of our listeners wants to be buried with his. Fish and rod. Oh, cool. One of our listeners says his brother got buried with the rash that Josh's mother gave him. Oh, no. It spread down his legs.

It was like a... That's what it does. And it was weepy. Yeah, the old bitney rash. Yeah. Is this a true story? A listener says when my grandma checked out, grandma had one request.

She wanted to block traffic in town. So on the way to the grave, they put her casket on the highway for 10 minutes. Is that a true story? Your grandma's casket was sitting in the middle of the road because your grandma would crested it. I'd love to know the story behind that if that's true. A listener says, bury me with my $200-dollar Anakin Skywalker lightsaber. That's kind of cool. What if somebody said, I want to be buried in my Rolex, my favorite Rolex, it's worth like half a million dollars?

And then the family's like, you know, the guy dies. Well, he's not going to know the difference if the Rolex is in there or not. Or the medical examiner makes a little trip. Yeah. This person says I had a friend who was buried in his Santa suit. Oh. A little whimsy to St. Peter when he reaches the pearly gates there. Not this guy again.

What guy? This friggin guy. What guy? He says, I want to be buried with part of my booger wall. Oh, yeah. The dude with the booger wall. Yeah. Didn't he give some dimensions on that?

Did you print that part out? He said cut it. Remember the guy with the booger wall, Dana? Yes, I do. It's terrible. His whole lifetime, he wipes his boogers on the wall. He said, just cut a 12 by 12 inch piece of that masterpiece out of the drywall and send it down with me. That's terrible.

I hate it when this dude, I hate it when he texts in about his booger wall. Have you heard the term sugar wall before? Of course I have. Sheena Easton. 19, let's go ahead and say 85. Sheena Easton. Is that what you're thinking? Well, when I heard, yeah, anytime I hear, you know, it just rhymes, I guess.

The first time I heard the Sheena Easton song, Sugar Walls. Foul. I had no idea. No idea. Maybe about the third or fourth time, I listened to it, I said to myself, oh, my damn. Yeah. Sugar Walls. I had to hear about, somebody had to tell me that's what it meant.

I don't get it. I don't get it. Yeah, you do. Local living legend referee Rob Page says if you're going to, excuse me. I was called him a Mark. Oh, he is a mark. Rob Page says, if I can be buried with anything, I would like it to be Stacey Keebler. Oh, I thought he was going to say his autograph, Sting action figure.

And before we go, of course, today's program brought to you by Hogbauer's Automotive on 3rd Avenue and Main Street. I love this text about Hogbowers, Josh. It's becoming a thing around here. We're even thinking about maybe making up some Hogbowers Automotive T-shirts to sell at the state fair. If you got something going on with your car, swing by Hogbauer's, Asper Tiny. Or, of course, Donnie. Donnie. Donnie.

Hogbauer. He's the manager. A listener texted in. She says, the thing I love about Hogbauer's automotive is they save you the hassle of having to ask how much the repairs costs by asking you how much you got. I remember being very intimidated in that scene. I'm asking how much repairs. are. I'm asking you how much you got. What does

your sheriff think of your business practices? What does he do then, Josh? I don't remember. He whips out his sheriff's badge. Vacation, 1988. I love that scene. How much you got. We got to go. Yes, we do. Happy 15th to chance from mom and dad, book collector Jesus. And happy birthday to social

anxiety, Jesus from better machinist than Pat Jesus. And one more shout on my cousin Dale. She lives down in a red wing, doesn't get to hear the show too often. She just text me. She's cruise around the cities and enjoying what you hear. So that's cool. Yeah, thanks, Cousand Dale. 93x.

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