93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Ding, Rise Your Dong

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Originally Aired December 8, 2025: Rick's Cabaret girls in studio. Fap-sicles. Everything you wanna know about frost jacking.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-ass morning show. It's just the worst. Welcome to the half-ass morning show. It's just the worst.

Well, actually, according to the readers of brobibble.com, Monday is the second worst day of the week, Josh. The worst being tomorrow, Tuesday. Yeah, I'm surprised that was what they said. I agree with that. You do agree with Tuesdays? Mm-hmm. Here's why.

Tuesday is the worst day. Tuesday sucks because it's basically Monday fatigue and still too much work week ahead. No fun, nothing special. Taco Tuesday is just a lame attempt to make it all feel better. That's why Tuesday was voted the worst day of the week. Monday is the second worst. They say it's not as bad as Tuesday, but still sucks. At least Monday you have a little momentum from the weekend.

and everyone's misery is shared. And then they throw in plus there's the occasional consolation of something like Monday night football. Yeah, if you have a good weekend, I think on Mondays you got a little extra pep in your step and then Tuesday is kind of when reality kind of sinks in. You're like, God, we still got a long ways to go here, don't we? That's how they played it out on brobibble.com, Josh.

Well, that's a fun website for sure. I'm not going to argue with those guys. I guess I've never had a negative feeling about Tuesdays. I figure today's the day we start coasting until Friday. Yeah. Give some effort on Monday. Wednesday sometimes. But after that, no effort whatsoever.

That's how they played it out. We have a couple of reasons to look forward to this week. Number one, this Friday is our annual Toys for Tata's Toy Drive. Oh, that came up quick. Yeah, it does. We look forward to seeing everybody and all of y'all. Friday morning at Rick's Cabaret Gentlemen's Club in downtown Minneapolis starting at 6 a.m. We know you won't let us down. We know you'll pack the place.

And most importantly, bring some great stuff for the kids who could use your help. Sure, topless college girls everywhere, and nobody enjoys that part of it more than me and Ashley. But most importantly, we got to stack up toys for the kids who could. Use a few laughs this holiday season. Yeah, and thanks to you. I mean, we started out with one charity, and I think we're up to maybe four at this point. There's so many toys where the charities are like, I can't believe we're in this situation, but we can't accept any more toys.

It's going to be too difficult for us to hand them out. In one case, one of them said this takes care of the entire year for us. That's awesome. Birthday, this is a women's and children's shelter, Dakota Woodlands, who said, you know, we really spread it out the entire year. It was so great. And people didn't have places to store it. So thank you so much.

And it's been that way every year. Every single year. So we've been able to add more charities to it. And the brother and sister would show up too with cool toys, not just, you know, okay, I got this a Walgreens on my way over. They bring cool stuff. The point where I'm looking at, I'm like, oh, I kind of want that. Yeah, you know, every once in a while, there'll be somebody that tries to get in with, like,

a used matchbox car. But then we have them deported from the country. Exactly. And people have learned their lesson. So that's reason number one to look forward to this week is we're going to have a great crowd. I know we will. We'll have a great crowd Friday morning at Rick's Cabaret

and plenty of donations, those unwrapped toys for kids of all ages. If you bring that unwrapped toy, maybe you're new to the situation. Maybe you've never been a part of toys for Tatas. If you bring in a new unwrapped toy, you get free admission, you get that free

buffet while supplies last. We've never cleaned the buffet out completely before, have we? No, they're very good at planning for that. They know how busy it'll get. But you always have to say, while supplies last, just in case we get some true eaters.

Which I am. You are, Ashley's a true eater. Just in case a few slobs just clean it smooth out. Some guy walks in and says, hey, where's the food? You got to throw that in. While supplies last.

Doors open at 6. Buffet also at 6. Cash bar. We will not be broadcasting live from the event, but we'll be there by damn as soon as we can when we get off the air at 9. Oh, and some gathering of the folks from Rick's Cabaret will be walking into our radio. studios this morning. Yeah, around 8.30 we'll have a few girls that are going to join us. Well,

then. We're graced with their presence every year. It'll be fun to have them in. They always make our studios smell so good. That's true. That's true. Sometimes they make it smell like grass. Yeah, that's also true. I think Ashley means that what smells good. Yeah, that's

what she's saying. That's the pleasant smell you're referring to? Yes. Thick green marijuana cigarettes? Yeah, marijuana and vanilla. Some of the side fun for the Rick's Cabaret event are the people that show up for the first time, you know, getting a chance to meet them and people say, I've been meeting to come for years and they finally got to show up. And also the people looking around hoping that they don't get busted by their significant other or boss, something like that.

There could be a first timer this year and I don't know how to feel about it. Over the weekend, my wife said, you know, maybe I should show up. I've never gone to one of these before. Is that going to make you uncomfortable? Well, at first I thought, oh, that would be great. That'll be a lot. I've always tried to get her to go to a strip club. And I don't think she's, when she was, I think she went to the Voo when she was 18,

you know, kind of like what you do, right, until you're old enough to go to Ricks. Sure. So, you know, I've always tried to get her to go to a strip club? Yeah, well, when the Thunder from Down Under was in town and Ashley was going, I was like, you got to go. Like, get some girlfriends together and go have some fun. And then for Rick's cabaret, but she's always worked. Well, she's got this Friday off.

So she said she was thinking about going up. I don't know, Josh, when I had my husband come one year, and then I was like, you know, yeah, that's enough. Get out of here. Yeah. It's like, you're kind of cramping my style. I have to, like, care about you during the, and I don't want to. You know, you make me feel obligated to talk to you and acknowledge you.

Yeah. That's a lot of pressure. Right. And you know, and sit there and like make sure he's having fun. Exactly, Dana. Can I ask you something? Do you have to make sure somebody's having fun? Wanted to strip club?

That's it for me. I think he'll be okay. What's the old slogan? You don't bring sand to the beach. Right? Yeah. So why bring a significant other to the... Oh, I don't think any of those beach bunnies are going to be interested in this guy, so...

You never think that any woman's ever interested in you. My wife barely. When I'm sure five or six of the girls at Ricks would love to fire you down. So, all right. so we might see Cubby wife. Yeah, I don't know if she'll make it or not. You're not comfortable at the strip joint. You know, I don't want to say that on a day they're coming in, but yeah, I'm not.

I mean, I understand the appeal. Josh stands with his back towards the dancers. Yeah, I don't really, you know, I'm a shoegaser. You try not to look. Yeah, I'm a shoegaser. You are so friggin' unique in many ways. You feel uncomfortable even looking at. the girls. Don't be, you know, I do enjoy it. It's a fun time. It's fun to talk to people. But yeah,

when the girls come over or whatever, I'll be looking at the burliest man there or my shoes. That's so great because I stare. Oh, I know. And that's part of the fun for me is watching how excited you get and folks that are as excited as you are. I always forget how great it is until I'm there. It's a beautiful place. Hell for many years, it was my home away from. from home. Oh, my gosh. You're not kidding. No, it was.

Interesting then that, you know, you're already sort of, the only word I can come up with is uncomfortable. Out of your element. You're already very out of your element there. I'm interested to read your body language Friday if you're standing next to your wife. Well, you guys know her well enough to know. She's so easy going that, you know, she's content wherever. Can I throw away two girls at the same time lap dance her way?

I wonder, I'd be interested to see how she responds. Were they kind of teeter-totter right on your face? Have you seen the two girls at one time lap? Ashley, of course, has seen. They use your face as a teeter-totter. It's impressive. So you think she'd be okay with that? I don't know about the dance, but I think she'd be fine there.

One of the finest memories I have of all the years we've been doing the toys Tata's gimmick at Rick's Cabaret, 25 years, whatever it's been. One of the greatest moments was when we walked in and here come all the girls running across the bar to come say hello. And one of our promotions guys, big tall some bitch, he looked very uncomfortable and after the girls walked away, he said, yeah, you see the one in the red right there? And we said, yeah. Yeah, that's my niece.

So I don't want to see any of you peckerheads getting a lap dance from her. You just put a target on her. How many lap dances did you get from the one in red? You see that one right there? We are not related whatsoever. And we said, yeah, man, no problem. Yeah, we get it. Yeah, you better not.

Don't be getting a lap dance from her. That's my niece. I mean, he went to take a piss. we had her sitting on our head within 30 seconds. She and I actually on that day, truthfully, the two of us fell in love. I remember that. Yeah.

I fell in love with his niece that day, and she fell in love with me. And you went back and watched her perform a few times after that? We had a little bit of a relationship there for a while. How did he take that? You guys were tight. He was fine with it. Yeah.

He was fine with it. If anybody was going to have a relationship with her, I'd imagine he'd be cool with you. Yeah, we were pretty tight, me and him. So he goes off to take a piss. We all hollered, hey, get over here to his niece. We'd like lap dances over here, just so when he came out to John, we could see his face.

Yeah. Oh, and he was not pleased. You know, there's so many great things about him, and I miss him quite a bit. He was really fun to be around. We, I think I told you this before, but we had a promotion at a Menards at like nine in the morning on a Sunday. Oh, nothing but fun.

And so we're in the way, and you know I love Menards, but 9 a.m. on a Sunday, it wasn't necessarily the busiest. And so we had a lot of time to catch up. And all of a sudden he goes, oh, no. I'm like, what is it? And he says, you see that blonde over there? I hooked up with her last night. And she was a 10. And I'm like, yeah, right.

You know, I thought for sure he's just talking. And she came over and starts talking. She's like, hey, had a good time and all that kind of stuff. I'm like, my God, he's telling the truth. He didn't lie? No. No, he was, there's no way the two of them should have been together, but they were, and he was being 100% truthful. He was a player.

Yeah, he was. And that's what was so odd about him making that request that none of us go near his stripper niece, was if the situation was reversed, if it was my niece, he would have gone after her. Yeah, so don't be putting that on us. You know what I mean? He was a slut. Yeah, what did he call me? The biggest pimp in a... A pimp, that's right.

He called you a pimp. That's how he talked. Yeah. What's up, dude? Yeah. Nothing. Nothing, dog. That's how he talked.

And so one day I ran into him, you know, years after he was done working in this building. And I ran into him and he says, how's Josh doing? Yeah. For whatever reason, all of his sentences ended with, yeah. How's Josh doing? Yeah. And I said, Josh is great. You know, he's got a wife now.

He's got a couple of kids. And he says this, yeah. Josh a Pimp. Awesome. I'll tell you this. You might be picturing something. He looked like a larger kid rock. Just a taller, larger kid rock.

I mean, like five or six times the size of kid rock, yeah. Like three kid rocks together. So we'll see about the folks from Rick's Cabaret coming in studio again. Fridays, Toys for Tattas. Plan on being there. We know you'll do the right thing. And then Saturday night, your need for alcohol can also benefit some deserving children this holiday season. All you got to do is come drink at the Stanchion in Corkerin Saturday night.

We're helping out their Toys Per Tots event. We're joining their guest bartending event Saturday night at the Stanchion. I believe this is our third year. Yep. That's right. Ashley, third year? Yep, third year. So much fun. That we've helped out and we're always honored to be invited. Wonderful people at the stanchion, cool little joint up there in Corcoran. They've really been gaining a lot of steam over the last five, six, seven, eight years.

I mean, it's becoming a really popular joint, so we're honored to be invited. So the more drinks you buy, the more monies go to Toys for Tots. This is Saturday, specifically from 9 to 10.30, Ashley, C. Willie Miles, and I will be behind the bar, mixing drinks as best we can, trying to make as much money as we can for the cause. We'll also be joined behind the bar by our old friend Terry Train. I saw Terry on Friday, and she mentioned she was excited to go out there and hang out with everybody. So come on by and buy yourself a cold one. There'll be other groups starting at like 6 o'clock, there's like a rotating cast of bartenders. So it's kind of a competition from like 6 to 730, some local farmers from the Corcoran area will be behind the

bar. After that, there's going to be some TV people. I'm forgetting who exactly I can get you more detailed information as we get closer to the event. So it's kind of a competition as to which groups can perform the best behind the bar and make the most money. Specifically, we will be behind the bar. Me, Ashley, see William Miles and Terry Train from 9 to 10.30 on Saturday night. And Ashley's a professional bartender. She's very

good. And you got yelled at last year for not being a professional bartender. I'm not good. I'm not good at it. All I know is beer. Can you just be the beer guy? Ashley, is that cool? Like if there's just a beer guy or is that not work? We really can't. Yeah, that works. I don't think. That's going to handicap

us. That's going to slow us down. Would it really? Yes. If all I'm doing this beer. I'm going to miss out on some orders because it gets very, very busy. I do my best, but as I've mentioned on this radio show, I was raised by beer drinkers. I'm a beer drinker. I know jack squat about hard liquor. I know jack squat about seltzers and the most frustrated a customer ever got with me. I think it was last year. And it's very loud. And so, you know, in a loud bar, I can pick out someone saying Budweiser from across the bar because I've heard Budweiser since I was one years old, right? But when folks are shouting out these drinks that I've never heard of in a loud bar, it's even more difficult to decipher because I've never heard a human being say that out loud before.

The one where a guy had every reason to be mad at me was when he said, I need five Don Julios. And I said, what? Don Julio's and I was like John Alo? You know because it's so like when I find when he finally made it clear he's like Don Julio I had to say well what is that

I don't know either right I don't I don't remember what it is now but so yeah I I struggle back there I do because I just Did you not realize the situation that you guys weren't bartenders you're helping out as a charity event?

Well, honestly, that... I think he knew the situation. He still got frustrated. It's just a fact that... And I don't blame him. He had to say it up. It's like one of the most common tequila as anyone can order. I'll go along with it.

You may be lying to me. I wouldn't know. But no, no, he knew the situation, but I don't blame him. He had to scream it five times before I even heard what he said. And then I had to ask him what it was. I was at a bar once where this girl's like, hey, I'm going to buy you a shot of a tron. and I was trying to be polite. I said, oh, cool, you know, thank you very much.

I had no idea what it was. And she was expecting a bigger response. So it's fancy, right, Ashley? It's a little bit more expensive than, yeah, the basic stuff. Yes, okay, so she's looking at me like, you don't appreciate. And then I had to, I was embarrassed, and I said, I'm sorry, I would have shown as much appreciation as you expected, but I don't know what that is. I'd never heard of it before.

She's like, gosh, darn it. I could have just got him some crappy liquor. You could have got a railed tequila, you'd have been fine. No way I'd be able to tell a difference. So I'm the weak link back there, no question, just because my lack of knowledge overall when it comes to anything other than beer. Ashley's very skilled back there. And you are a little hard of hearing. My hearing sucks, especially in a noisy joint.

It's very, very loud in there. So it'll be me, Ashley, see Willie Miles and Terry Train will be doing our best because the more drinks we sell, the more money goes to toys. for tots and it's just a cool cool vibe and a cool event do they ever try to test you knowing that you're not actual bartenders and try to throw some fancy mixed shots your way to see if you can make them

yeah I'll tell them no yeah I don't know I don't remember Dana it goes by so fast and you're working so fast yeah I don't if anyone has ever effed me in that fashion I don't recall just because you I mean I get down to my tank top back there

You sweat your nuts off. I was just going to ask if you're going to dress sexy. You sweat your nuts off. I mean, I want a coyote ugly out of you. Oh, it's so hot, dude. We got pictures from a couple years ago. I think I was in a wife-beater just because I was completely sweating my. You know what I'll be doing that night?

Saturday night. Saturday night. So my son has a basketball tournament at my alma mater. Sure. I might be running the board just like I did about 33, 34 years. It's the scoreboard. Scoreboard. 33, 34 years ago.

Oh, be. Careful. Parents get crabby. Yep. They always need. What do you mean? Now there's pressure. Oh, yeah.

Like if you accidentally hit, you know, two points for the visiting team as opposed to the home team, they'll get on you. Oh, yeah. So far, I've been pretty lucky with that. I have, well, so far, it was, I ran the board for about a, I don't know, six, seven games. I didn't even mean that. I did not mean that. Back in, you know, 1991.

So every game, a parent needs to run the scoreboard and it's your turn? Well, yeah. You have volunteer jobs, right? And so I think they might need somebody. Well, that's kind of exciting. Lots has changed, I imagine, technologically, with running the scoreboard. I would think so. Going back to, you were an eighth grader or something?

No, in high school. High school. Like maybe a sophomore? I'm sure you'll do fine. You can show your son around the school? Yeah, see that locker? That's where they stuffed me back in the day. And that locker.

And we can go upstairs for two more. Do you want to see the locker room? I did that with my older kids when they had tournaments there. So like my, well, maybe Camden. But Allie had volleyball and table tennis, I think a couple of those. And I tried to show them around like, hey, this was this and nobody had any interest whatsoever. You see that trophy case over there, kids?

I had nothing to do with that. Well, when I went there, it was empty. Oh, really? Yeah. That was, except there's maybe some dance line. I mean, that school has changed so much. much. Oh, big time.

Really fancy at this point. So Saturday night, I'll let you guys know if I get yelled at, if I get to run that thing. Going back to your old alma mater to run the scoreboard for some eighth grade basketball. Yep. It's a dream right there. And the first team is they're playing my wife's alma mater. And so she's deciding if she wants to cheer for her son or her old school. Her old school.

Grudge match. So far, that's the way she's leaning. I mean, how's your son, more importantly, my godson's, team, how many times do you think you'll have to attend to the scoreboard? You know what I'm talking about? It depends on the game. I mean, it's not... 10 or 12 baskets, maybe?

A couple of games, they were in the 40s, you know? Whoa. Like they won two out of three yesterday in Northfield. You know, maybe for the first eight, ten minutes of the ball game, you just sit there with your thumb up your ass, you know? It's possible. There's been a couple of games like that. Is anybody going to put the ball into the basket?

Well, you do wonder like, hey, they realize like the goal is to get it into the basket. Or did anybody show up today? They have their moments for sure. Ah, there you go. If your kids in that tournament, my son will be the one that's going to get probably one traveling call per game. So if you see that kid out there, that's him. He has trouble taking steps, huh? Yeah, I had to ask you and Shaver for some advice on how to get that to stop.

Better traveling than the Texas. foul. I don't know. Weren't you a technical foul guy? Big time. Lots of awkward car rides home, Josh. Take after Uncle Dana. Yeah.

Just never stop dribbling. That's how you avoid traveling. Never stop. What else is going on? Did I miss anything? I think that's about it. Yeah. That's a pretty decent start. Yeah, I don't think I missed anything.

Dana came in to let us know how cold it was this morning. Yeah. I wanted to make sure you guys noticed it, too. That is pretty cold outside today. Yeah, it kind of sucks. A few people are already texting in saying they have innings. They used to have an Audi, but they have an innie today. Not anymore.

I'm lucky that, I mean, I barely notice because the only time I'm ever outside is just the walk from my car to places. Oh, you don't park on the street, huh? Nope. Good for you. It is really good, Dana. I don't have to brush my car off in the morning when it snows. I might not make it in today just due to, is it carbon monoxide from the car? Because I'll let my car warm up from the second I wake up to when.

I mean, it's eight minutes from when I wake up to when I leave. In the garage, you just let it go? Just to let go. Worth a risk, man. I figure eight minutes isn't going to kill anybody. No. Yeah, it sucks out there. I think by the weekend it's supposed to be even colder, so hang on to your ass.

Here's a question that came in from a listener named Jacob about our Rick's Cabaret Toys for Tatah's event Friday morning. Is it a 21-plus kind of a setup? Yes. you got to be 21 to walk into the joint. Thank you for asking. Sorry if that was not the answer you wanted to hear. 21 and up. Yeah, they got the full bar there.

And it's always fun when you see people kind of meandering towards the bar as it gets closer to liquor time. You know, they kind of just kind of sidestep over. Oh, yeah, look like we're getting closer. I'm going to be front row by the bar once they start serving. Yeah, the one thing we miss not broadcasting, meaning it's a missed opportunity is the cheering as soon as the bar starts serving booze. People love to drink.

And I've received, before we go, I've received a text or two from folks who hung out with our crampus friends over the weekend. Awesome. Minnesota Cranpus was in studio Friday telling us all about what they do this time of year. And they were a big hit. And a couple of our listeners went to an event or two with the Cranpus folks and had a great time. He just wanted to say thanks. A buddy of mine text and they happened to, they went to Egan High School on Friday. So they had a crampus walking around the halls.

I don't know what the situation was, but he sent me a video of one of the guys that, well, it's either one of the guys that was here or somebody about the same height in the exact same outfit. So they ran there and the kids were loving it. You know, you just see a big group of kids follow them in the hall, taking videos and pictures. Thanks again, Crampus, folks. You're very well loved in this community. All right, we've got to take a break. You're a terrific crowd.

Yeah, it's awful cold. It's Monday and all that. But we'll do our best to pull you. through. When we come back, we'll dump that stupid news on you. So we'll be back in a few minutes here on the half-assed morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslam with heat. And right now,

it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90. and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints.

You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Vince Colonais is redefining news talk with The Vince Show. It is a reflection of your response to this program that we get to take this thing to the next level.

These gigantic shows, this is going to be so much fun. It's unbelievable. In-depth interviews, live caller interactions, and a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. I've got updates. I've got big stories. We'll sort through the truth of what's really going on. So buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince Show.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. I wasn't the only one who was completely kicked back in their chair thinking that the show was over. Yeah, yeah, a little bit. It's close. I think all of us kind of have reacted the same. It's Monday. We all kind of forgot that we have to go back on the air.

But here we are. And I have a fresh pile for you. A fresh pile of pages here. It's today's Stupid News Report. We're going to kick this thing in the ass. With a couple of those stories that'll teach you, this will show you that it ain't over till it's by God over. An older lady over there in Thailand.

Well, 65 years old. Not necessarily elderly. She checked out. Or so everyone thought. After a while, she was found to be alive again. Right before, they were all set to toss her into the fire, as Dawkin used to say, into the fire. They were headed for the crematorium.

The old gal was laid out in the back of the crematorium Mobile in a coffin and someone noticed that she was actually not dead. This happens way more often than I'm comfortable with. I think that's happened. Luckily, it seems it's other countries either that or we're better at burying it here. We just pardon the pun. It does often come from far away places. Maybe we have a better skill set over here when it comes to determining whether or not a human being is alive or dead.

I don't know. So again, she's declared dead. They put her in the coffin. They put her in the crematorium van. They're headed off to the crematorium. And she's actually alive. Apparently, there's a morbid-looking video out there somewhere on Facebook. Yeah, I saw it.

It's not very respectful. 93x.com have this video? I don't know if I set it to actually. Do we not want to show it? because Josh called it disrespectful. I'll send it to you, Ashley. You've had training. All right, I'll see.

The video was shot by somebody in the windowless crematorium van. And it shows the gal, from what I understand, because I haven't seen the video. It shows the gal lying in a coffin, but she's slightly moving her arms and head. And that's when everyone said, damn, this one still got something left. So is that pretty much what it was? Josh? Well, it's weird because it's actually like a pickup truck essentially that she's in and the caskets open.

So they must have heard something or they just don't have tops of caskets there. And there's a guy filming her. And then there's a guy filming the guy filming her. Why are they filming? And she's squirming in there. So she's very obviously alive. It's wondering who the heck

has adjusted the thermostat. Why is it so hot? Can you imagine you're just about to be thrown in that oven? Hold on a second. here. I hope I'm not aware. I hope she wasn't aware of how close she came to being thrown into the oven alive. She looked out of it. Yeah, this is kind of a week. I'm going to skip posting this. It's kind of a strange situation here. Someone's filming the lady and someone's filming the person who's filming the lady. Yeah. All right, are you ready for this? The first sign that this lady wasn't

actually dead yet was when a couple people in the van heard a faint knocking coming from inside the coffin. It's got to be terrifying. Yeah, a little bit. A little bit? Yellow. One some bitch who was inside the truck

or the van or whatever it was, one some bitch said, quote, I was a bit surprised. A bit? Yeah, I'd be a bit surprised as well. As you might imagine, the driver man of that crematorium mobile

who needed a clean pair of shorts he changed routes at that point when they saw the lady moving around and headed for the nearest hospital as quick as they could. I think the gal is still breathing, but I can't be sure. But I'd say she's earned herself

a couple of cold beers. I agree with you. You're right. It seems like you know, hear these stories and they're like, my, miraculous. She's up. She has passed on. Like it's like the next day or something. And she's gone.

And doesn't it usually seem like it's women from these stories? For whatever reason they have trouble telling them for girls. You know why. Because the sure way to test is to tell a fart joke or a penis joke. And if they smile, you know, okay, there's still like. Maybe women are more mature than us, Ashley, and they can hold in their laughter. No. That's not the case?

Nope. Josh, I think you're right. now that you bring it up, I think it usually are, it usually is women who are misdiagnosed, if that's the proper word. Where, yeah, she's a goner. Hour later, she's not. Here's someone who is texted in, smile like a donut for me. Smile like a donut for me.

Jesus. That's a first for me. Sorry, I stammered while reading. your Jesus name. I think this is our first time reading one of your texts. Josh was saying, why does it seem like they have such trouble in faraway places determining alive or dead? Smile like a donut for me, Jesus says, I'm pretty sure they know the difference. They just don't care. They might not. I don't know. You know, some people do have that mentality that, hey, it's not my job. I'm just going to drive her to wherever. I don't need to check if she's dead or alive.

I found my problem. We embalm people here, says the Purve printer. He has also texted in, the Perv printer. We embalm people over here. That's why it doesn't happen here. I don't know what he means by that. What does he mean by that? Anybody?

Not sure. Maybe you can tell somebody's dead if they scream when you start embalming them. Yeah. I'm not sure. Go ahead and text us again, the Perv printer, because I'm not sure what you mean by that. Now, I don't know if there's going to be a lawsuit from that last dead

but then not dead story that I just told you. But here's another effing horror movie Night of the Living Dead type story. In this one, people are getting sued. In England, a 54-year-old gal. Oh, she dropped to the floor

at her house due to a seizure. She was pronounced dead by paramedics. But F me running. She kicked out of it at one point or another, and she was found alive, laid out at the stinking morgue. Olive is her name. Well, I mean, I should say was her name, because shortly after she woke up alive in the morgue,

she died again. Scared to death. I'm sure we have paramedics that listen to the show. I want to know, like, how hard is it to mispronounce somebody dead? We don't know. They need to tell us. I imagine there's a lot of steps you have to go through and then you're like, all right, yep, they are definitely dead. Yeah.

Or maybe you're just like, I don't see them breathing. They're done. I don't think it's that easy. I know we have paramedics listening. I'm fairly sure they've answered this question before. But maybe they can text us again and tell us what the process is. So again, Olive, the 54-year-old woman in England, she drops like a rock at her own home.

She had a seizure. She's pronounced dead by paramedics. But then... Oh, there goes your neck, Dana. No, that was me this time. Oh, it was Ashley's neck. Yeah. You know, why is it that these might be...

Mike can't seem to properly amplify our voices. Yeah, they're terrible sounding microphones. Everything's all crackly and staticky, and mics fade in and out. But they can hear every bodily function from inside our bodies. That's such a good question. Why is that? Yeah, they're very sensitive to guttals. Yeah.

Not syllables, but just gutterals. They're going to pick those up. Gal woke up in the morgue. Her family's suing everybody. And part of their beef is, at least the word is, after she woke up, she's dead, she wakes up. After she woke up, her family says that nobody did a damn thing for her for two hours. What? She wasn't taken to a hospital or anything like that.

So her family is all like, what the F? She had died and then woke up and nobody at the morgue thought it would be a good idea to call a doctor? They laid there. She laid there while they just poked at her for two hours. Yeah, I'd probably sue. Well, what do we? She's alive, but it is lunch break. What do we do?

That's an afternoon problem. Maybe if one of you morgue dildos would have said something. or taking her to a hospital right away, instead of staring at her for two hours, she would have lived, her family says. Come on, Cubby, that ain't right. No, not at all. They've got a pretty good argument there.

Okay. This is very morbid, but people are texting in what it means to be embalmed. You know, who was it? Someone texted in earlier. The Purve printer said, We embalm people over here.

That's why we are better at determining who is alive and who is dead. Embalming involves filling you with some kind of fluid. Yeah. So how does that? I don't, yeah. So somebody who embalms someone, is there official title an embalmer? And if so, would they have a song? I know where you're going with this.

Em Balmer. You know, so daddy me snow me, I go play him. A licky boom boom down. Detective man didda-da-beda-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-comin on the land. Embalmer. You'd have to play that any time you entered the morning. Hell, yes. You're the fun embalmer.

Why the hell didn't weird Al ever parody In Falmer and call it embalmer? Yeah, it'd be cool to send him a message, but he's a genius and a talent. He doesn't need any ideas. He's got them all. A paramedic had text in and said, we usually call the doctor. The doctor tells us to call it, judging on the signs. It ain't over till it's over, everybody. Okay, this is yawning, awning, Jesus said to make sure all you have to do is you run them over.

You keep on them over. Double tap. Yeah, all right, they're dead now for sure. That guy's basically, that guy's basically flat. He's dead. Oh, I'm going to have a tough time shaking that new parody song you came up with, Josh. Embalmer? Man, that stinking song was everywhere for about a year and a half, wasn't it?

Oh, my gosh, yeah. Okay, so Chaos Coordinator Sheez said EMT. She is an EMT? I'm assuming that's what she means. Yes, EMT for seven years. There's a lot of steps to declaring someone who's dead, at least in my case. If there isn't obvious signs of death, you hook them up to a monitor, you listen, your partner listens, the coroner listens, the same thing. You have a medical director also declares death on the scene, plus not to mention all the police officers and first responders on scene.

So I have no idea how this happens. I'm glad there's a lot of people that has to go through. Yeah, I appreciate that too. Yeah, a lot of red tape. Nobody likes red tape, but in this case, go ahead. Yeah, I don't want like some new EMT. I'm like the first dead body he ever sees, and he's the only one that's like, yep, she's dead.

No. I want some more people to check it out first. HVAC slash R and stuff, Jesus said. He thinks he knows why. These other countries are terrible at figuring out if people are alive or dead, because you see, they have a cousin which needs a new kidney, so you're pronouncing everyone dead and hopes your cousin gets a new kidney. Dang.

Oh, not the real Jesus said they just use a magic eight ball for all their death determination. It's certainly a goat rodeo over there. Far away places. It seems to be a problem determining who is alive and who is not going in a completely different direction here. Did I tell you guys about the guy who pissed in a plastic bottle and then put it? it on the shelf at a convenience store, hoping that someone would buy the bottle and then drink his piss.

Did I mention that guy yet? No, I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah, his name is Coda. He's from China. And his plan damn near worked. Someone did buy the bottle

off the shelf at the convenience store. The bottle of his piss. But once they spun the cap off that bottle and the smell hit him, they knew something wasn't right. They didn't drink it, or at least they didn't admit to drinking it. The squeege.

They did not admit to drinking the squeege. Coda has been arrested for that. He's 26 years old. 26. Yeah. Come on, man. Dude. I mean, at any age it's stupid, but I mean, if it's like a 13-year-old,

Their brains nowhere near developed. They're going to do stupid things. Right. That's very stupid, but 26. Coda has been arrested. He works at the convenience store, or at least he used to. So here's Coda now. This is what he said to the cops when he was arrested for trying to trick someone into drinking his pee-pee.

He said it was just a prank. I was frustrated because. Things haven't been going well at work. Oh, yeah, so let's just take it out on some innocent bystander. Yeah, sometimes when I need to blow off some steam, I go to the local gas station and pee in a bottle. It was a bottle of tea that he unscrewed the cap, he poured the tea into the sink, and then he put his pee where there used to be tea. Then he screwed the cap back on the bottle, put it on the show.

If he really wanted to fool them, he should have just done half and a half. You can't just go all pee It's got to be like half tea, half pee Maybe Like the world's worst Arnie Palmer Yeah What about half water half pee?

No, because you have to have something that has a smell Okay You could call it teepee It's a teepee He was frustrated at work Josh Well now he doesn't have a job at all In high school A friend of mine kept getting his locker

So his lunch stole out of his locker We weren't allowed to put locks on our lockers. And so somebody stole it a few times a week. So we sabotaged one once, and it was stolen, but we never had the satisfaction of finding out if anybody consumed anything. And it was a big, back when Gatorade came in glass bottles, it was half full of pee, half full of yellow Gatorade. He was a very talented artist.

And so he laced a nestleys candy bar with X-Lax, right? He got that perfect down there, did a few other things. I can't remember everything else he did. The lunch was stolen. Oh, Ipacac. He puts him Ipecac, urine. If you're not familiar, it makes you barf. Ippac urine.

And then the gatorade. And the gatorade were all mixed together. Mixed together. So we never found out if anybody got sick or who it was, but it was cool just kind of waiting and praying that it would get stolen that day. Somebody violently throwing up in the lunchroom. Who's that kid that died from Ipecac and urine? Throwing up.

He's a lunch dealer. Spraying diarrhea. Oh, at the same time. Why were you not allowed? I know this has nothing to do with the story, but why were you not allowed to have locks on your lockers? I don't know. I guess just so you couldn't have any contraband in there to hide something. Hmm.

Yeah, we weren't allowed to. Yeah, that's really surprising because, I mean, it was obviously way more common, I believe, when I was in high school for people to have that kind of. of stuff on them. And we could lock our lockers, but we did have drug dogs. That came. Oh, yeah, so we'd ever had those. That was pretty cool. I always got pretty excited to see the dogs.

There was no such thing as drugs or dogs when I was in school. Yeah, me neither. There was no reason for the two of them to have a relationship at all. The old X-Lax trick heard for years about, I never thought anyone had the balls to actually go through with it. You know, I'm talking about in grade school. You always heard that joke. Put an X-Lax in someone's coffee or something. I always thought, no one really does that.

And then we did it. We put some X-Lax tablets in a teacher's coffee. And, of course, in our minds, we thought there would be this movie moment, this motion picture moment, where the teacher would be in mid-sentence, and then she'd go, and have to run out of the room while feces was flying out of her. But she just got very uncomfortable and sweaty. I remember even as a sixth grade kid thinking, this doesn't really work. This is just a joke. This is just an old wife's tale.

So we didn't have that perfect moment where she was having uncontrollable diarrhea in front of us. She just had to leave the room for an hour because she was just a barrel of sweat. Dana and Ashley, I don't know if you've ever heard this, but way before you guys worked here, we had a general manager. We had a problem. Somebody was stealing lunches. People stole anything that wasn't bolted down around here.

But somebody was stealing lunches out of the, one of the fridges back there in the old lunchroom. And she put out a memo. I mean, nowadays she'd be sued or in jail or certainly fired, that she tampered with a lunch to find out who it was. And X-Lax was a part of it. Really? And this is like the most buttoned-up woman you'd ever meet.

I mean, just got a real hard edge to. her and I mean just as corporate as you can get but she said she did that wow did they find out who did it that that I'm aware of did you ever hear anything Nick never heard a word yeah so I'm guessing I mean she sent out a warning email so I mean I'm sure whoever it was like oh I'm not gonna be doing yeah you gotta be careful doing that kind of stuff though I would I had um and I think it was middle middle school yeah there was an art teacher that nobody liked and so somebody put clay in her coffee? Clay? Yeah, I don't know, like molding clay, whatever you do in art. Oh, sure, art teacher. I was totally lost there for a second. Yeah, the molding clay that you have in art class.

Yeah, she ended up having to go to the hospital. It was like a whole situation. Wow. I was like, ah, you probably shouldn't have done that. Back to this GM that worked here. I went to lunch with her once. Yeah, I know you did. Well, she asked me, what was I supposed to say? She should have said, no, we don't like you. She's going to end up poisoning you if you do that. She was the least liked person. She never gave anyone a reason to like her. She was very unfriendly. But as soon as she asked Josh to go to lunch, oh, sure, where and when?

Well, I had actually a pretty decent relationship with her, but I'd have to hide it. But she was very unfriendly, to say the least. We went to lunch. And I wish you could, how would you describe this woman? I mean, just she looked funny. Everything about her was kind of goofy. but she hard to come up with words to describe. But I remember thinking, oh, Josh wants to be on the other side.

You know what I mean? Well, she was gone. I felt like you crossed enemy lines. I understand. And betrayed us when you went to lunch with her. Yeah, and I certainly didn't mean to, but I agreed. And so we go to an Italian restaurant. And how old would you say she was?

I have no idea. She's kind of one of those people's tough to tell. Yeah, 50s. And she was getting ready to eat. And after we order, she put on a bib. Outside of a baby, I'd never seen that before. It's a hell of a move. That is so.

And was it like a legit bib? It was like a plastic bib that she had like in her purse. Just bizarre. Bizarre. Well, all right, let me ask you something. What's the most amount of money you ever found? 20 bucks? Yeah, I think $20.

Five bucks? Oh, yeah. I found like two, three hundred bucks in a drawer once. Oh, wow. My drawer. Junk drawer. Where I'd been stashing cash in there. And then when I needed to buy a case of beer or a can of chew, I could go to that junk drawer.

And oh, there's 20. There's 25, 30, whatever. What I didn't realize is that over time, because there was so much garbage in the junk drawer, I was, some money was being pushed to the back of the drawer. and one day I pulled it all the way out of the dresser, you know, because there was so much garbage in there. And I didn't realize that over time I had pushed about two or $300 to the back of that drawer. That was an incredible feeling, especially when you're 19, 20 years old. Yeah, I want that feeling now.

Let me tell you a thing or two about a gal from Pennsylvania called Brianna. The wildly misinformed and godless social media people are all talking about Brianna. she says she was charged with disorderly conduct for pocketing an abandoned $20 bill. Here's the story she tells. Back in September, Brianna and her little sister went to Walmart to pick up supplies for a little special event. The two of them were getting involved in. They went to pick up some supplies for a craft night. Oh, fun.

I thought Ashley was the wild one. I love Kraft Nikes, dude. Yeah. Look at these two. Brianna and her little sister are going to Walmart to load up for Craft Night. Anyways, at the self-checkout counter set up, Brianna saw a $20 bill that had been left behind by somebody else. Brianna says there wasn't anybody right in front of her in line that obviously dropped the 20 right then and there.

She says there weren't any employees around, so she figured it's my lucky day. She pocketed the 20. She and her sister left Walmart, didn't think much of it. A week later, she gets a call from the local police. Someone had apparently reported the money missing. I don't think I would do that for 20 bucks. Yeah, but some would.

Some would. Yeah, unless, you know, I'm desperate. You're not the type, but I know people who they have an eye on their very last penny, and they know where it is at all times. So someone reported the money missing, a $20 bill. The store reviewed Walmart, reviewed their security cameras, the cops tracked down Brianna because they saw her on video grabbing that 20. They told her that in Pennsylvania.

Yes, I mentioned that earlier that Brianna is in Pennsylvania. If money is left on the ground or anywhere else, it's a crime if you take it without making a, quote, reasonable attempt to find the owner. True story, I guess, in the state of Pennsylvania. and I'm sure other places, but specifically we're talking about Pennsylvania. I guess when I found that $5 on the street, I should have just screamed at the top of my lungs. This is anybody's $5?

Put an ad in the paper. She, by law, Brianna was required to ask somebody, ask someone at the store, ask someone nearby, hey, is this your $20 or do you know who it belongs to? The cops even went on to say they were going to charge her with disorderly conduct. Yeah, but somebody's going to just say yes and then take the 20 and it's not theirs. Well, but that's the law. You need to say something. You can't just pick it up and walk away.

This is probably something that's been on the books since 18 aught three. Right. And after a short period of time, Brianna posted an update on this situation, saying she's gotten herself a lawyer to see if he can get the charge dismissed. she returned the 20 back to Walmart. She says she even initially offered to pay the real owner of the $20 bill $50 to make this all go away. But the cops are dicks, she says, and they told her it's too late. We're charging you with disorderly conduct anyways.

Take 40. Take 50. I think I'd like my cops to be spending their time doing something else. You can imagine, too, as the Walmart security is looking through this video about 20, money people shoplifted. Yeah, exactly. So, this is all legit under Pennsylvania law. You got to make an effort to locate the owner when you find monies laying around. What's the cut off before you guys would get nervous?

Where you'd think, oh, this is the mafia's money or something like that. A hundred. A cartel. Yeah, over a hundred. If I find a $100 bill, I would think, okay, this is enough money to where I should ask some questions. I would think like 300 because I would think about like what the ATM limit is. Well, I mean, so you find $250 like in the same situation at a store at the checkout, 250, 275, you just put it in your pocket and think nothing of it.

You're not going to ask anybody anything over 250, 275? Come on. So I wouldn't think it was like sketchy, but I would like look around and see if it was anybody's money. Would you talk to anybody? over $275. Come on. I don't know. Because that's, because I imagine if you go up to like a help desk that 90% of the time those people

are going to be like, oh yeah, give it to us and we'll find the rightful owner. And then they're going to pocket it anyway. You've got this idea that everyone's crooked. I mean, aren't they? I don't know. For a hundred bucks, I would start to think, gosh, whoever's this is, I mean, that's a lot of money, right? And this can mean a lot to that person.

Yeah. Yeah, I would probably feel guilty for a while. Yeah, probably my cutoff would be anything like 60 and above. You'd ask somebody. Yeah, I mean, that's a lot of money. You know, because now that I think about it, if that happened to me, I would be absolutely devastated if nobody returned it. $275, $300? Yeah, you guys are right.

And depending on what you make, I mean, $100, I can take a while, right? So, yeah, I think you'd have to. Shoot, maybe even $20 would be at the tops. It says here other states who have a similar law where you need to, it doesn't matter how much money it is. You need to say something. You can't just pick it up and put it in your pocket. Other states are much more lax as long as it's below $100. So here's a good example.

This person says I found a wallet in a snowy street, three grand in cash. Wow. A guy left it on top of his car, a gas station pulled away. they tracked him down, got it back to him. It turns out he had his identity stolen, and it was all the money he had to his name. Yeah, but I have to ask, what if that wallet didn't have an ID in it, and it was just straight cash, so you had no idea whose it was.

That was everything the sum bitch had to live on. Yeah. And so he returned it, this individual who texted in? Yep. I bet that's peckerhead was pretty thankful. Wolfpack softball, Jesus said it doesn't matter the amount finders keepers Biznatch. I don't believe

that BS. I did find a purse at a park when I was younger and I brought it home back to my parents like we need find this lady and so we ended up tracking her down and finding her and she ended up giving me like 20 bucks for finding her purse so you're right though Ashley like if

there are plenty of people where you say is this your 20 bucks they're going to oh yeah thank you so much. Yeah exactly Josh one time at my favorite bar in my 20s it was a packed place every night and I went to go take cash out of the ATM and there was $100 just sitting there. Like clearly some drunk just forgot

to take their money. So I brought it up to my favorite bartender. I go, hey, there's $100. Should we try to track it down? She goes, every drunk in this place is going to claim it's their $100. Just buy drinks for me and tip me. I go, okay. Okay. You're the boss.

Many years ago, me and a bro were going to the Vikings game, we stopped at a gas station. And my buddy wanted to get cash for the ball game. I just needed a can of chew and a, you know, Mountain Dew or whatever. So I'm at the register ringing up my goods, and I see my buddy over at the cash machine, and I see his face completely change from his regular expression to kind of one of total and complete fear. And then I'm thinking to myself, what the hell's going on over there?

I thought maybe he was trying to get cash, and there was none. there for him because he just looked frozen in fear. Next thing, you know, he's coming over me going, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, come let's go, let's go, let's go. And I'm like, dude, I'm waiting to ring up my shoe and my pop. Keep it in your pants. He's like, no, no, no, go. Let's go now.

Okay, fine. So I follow him out to the car. I say, what's your problem? Well, he walked up to the cash machine to pull out $100, and the damn thing malfunctioned. It was spitting all kinds of. It turned into a slot machine. Oh, my God. and spit like $6,700 out. So he's like, let's get the hell out of here before somebody says anything.

And we did. That's a dream right there. I mean, they got cameras and everything on those. This was 1991. Okay, so maybe not. No, there was nobody, nobody knew dick. So we had a great time in Minneapolis that day. A great time. Jeff found a loophole here. Okay, let's say $100 is your threshold. It's a hundred bucks, I got to turn this. Right. He said, now what if you picked up that 100? but then laid back a $1 bill, is that less than $100? Yes, it is.

You haven't hit the threshold. So you can feel good about yourself. I gave them some change. Gave them they changed back. I didn't reach that 100. Sports. On the 93-Egs half-assed morning show. At the start of this quarter,

JMU athletic director Matt Rohn had to address the fans. The officials of game management will throw a penalty. Please stop throwing snow. Thank you. The James Madison University students were having too much fun at their home game the other night against Troy. The kids were tossing snowballs on the field. And it got to be such a pain in the ass that the voice you heard there that was James Madison's athletic director who had to get on a live mic and tell him to cut it out.

Reminded me the old Sam Weish routine. You guys probably don't know what I'm talking about, but Sam Weish used to coach the Cincinnati Bengals back in the Boomer-Rissian era when they went to a couple of Super Bowls. And there was a home game at Cincinnati where the crowd was, I forgot if they were thrown snowballs or garbage or beer bottles onto the field or something. And Sam Weish had to grab a friggin live mic to try to calm the crowd down. And the famous line that he dumped that Sunday afternoon was he said, come on people, this isn't Cleveland.

And then it also, seeing that athletic director out on the trying to get kids to stop throwing snowballs. Reminding me of when Tom Kelly had to try and stop the college kids at the old Metro Dome from throwing dollar hot dogs at Chuck Knoblock. And batteries of all things. No, I don't think, my memory, I don't think TK ever got on the mic. He just kind of went out there and we kind of did the, the, the cliche hand gesture for calm down. Like, okay, everybody, chill out.

Oh, man. They were throwing snowballs at the, at the opposite. position. Wasn't specifically at the punter too, which is kind of hilarious. In this case, yeah, they're throwing out the punter. The punter was backed up into the end zone. They could reach them easily from the stands, yeah. So the Washington Commodores ended up being the perfect little cupcake that the Vikings needed, huh?

Yeah, that's a mood booster. Yeah, it really was. That's what they need. Pretty unexpected. They do need a mood boost over there. Everybody needs a slump buster now and again. Yeah, slump buster. You've been somebody's slump buster.

Oh, absolutely. And I was proud to. to do it. Why not? Yeah, why not? Doesn't bother me at all. Who am I? Doesn't bother any of us in the least bit to think that we were somebody's slump buster. Yeah, so the Vikes whooped the Commodores at the New Metrodome yesterday. We can talk all about it with Randy Schaever and Brad Ryder when they swing by. I'm sure they're pumped. Timberwolves have a game the night at home against Phoenix.

Pigs tonight play a completely unnecessary game against a completely unnecessary team. The Seattle Cracken. Again, Shaver, writer, in a half hour, don't go anywhere. Josh's news report is coming right quick. The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now,

Now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C-I, host of the stacking Benjamins podcast. You know what? A lot of us get taxes wrong. Filing your taxes is basically data entry. There's been this trend of people going, oh, it's so cool to file my taxes in August. It's so awesome. Don't worry. I have an extension. It'll be fine. I'd like totally do it later. Stop. Do your friggin' taxes now.

That was a really good fashion voice. Did you like it? You do that more frequently, please? Yes, every show from now. We'll be like that. Stacking Benjamins, follow and listen on your favorite platform. Have-assed morning show. They're loud. They lose control. They do their little circus act. They're a nuisance. 93X. It goes from the bottom to the top in Enrundel County, and I've never heard of anything like this. And I've dealt with more personal. issues, more problems than you can enact, and nothing bizarre and as protest as this.

A Baltimore County Fire Department paramedic is under investigation for some pretty gross stuff, some stuff that's unbecoming of a Baltimore County Fire Department paramedic. It didn't exactly require the department's top sleuth to crack the mystery of who was masturbating and urinating in common areas inside several fire stations. God dang it. because the peeing, pud-pounding paramedic had been posting videos of all of it to only fans and other social media accounts.

Really? Otherwise, it doesn't happen, right, if you don't put it online. No, I'm going to go sign up right now. So he had a whack-off, watch me whack-off only fans type of a setup? Yeah. And taking a piss? Yep, in fire departments. Once the video's surface,

the situation triggered a wave of hazmat cleanings throughout every fire station and office, and as you expect, that employee is no longer allowed anywhere near the workplace splash zone. That can't be cheap. Oh, it's very expensive, they said. People familiar with the ongoing investigation described screenshots from the paramedics' own video thumbnails,

a range of indecent acts that reportedly included masturbation, and urinating on fire equipment, food items, and even ice machines making fapsicles. They obviously are very concerned about their own public health and safety. I've been on the council for 15 years. This is probably the most disturbing series of allegations I've ever heard. I believe it. That's a good thing.

I hope so, yes. The Baltimore County Fire Chief said the Fire Department employees are encouraged to get tested at the Employee Health Center. And hazmat cleaning has already begun in each of the fire departments. Three stations have had their ice machines replaced, so no more pee in the slurpees. Videos posted under a username on the paramedics accounts included clips filmed inside the fire stations or showing coworkers' personal belongings. Many have been taken down. One clip tagged coworker, vandalism, evil, and marking included references to a co-worker's lip balm before disappearing as well.

Spokespeople for both the county police and fire departments say each agency is running their own investigation. That's pretty sick, twisted stuff to start with, Josh. Yeah, I don't know what gets into a guy where they decide this is what they want to do, especially at the workplace or a lot of people's workplaces. Can a guy make a decent living off of at work, whack off videos? I wonder what he was pulling down. I guess it depends. Other than his pants and underwear. Depends what he's got down there, I think.

It's all size related? Yeah. Not results? Maybe like a mount related. Yeah. Result related. What does that mean? A mount.

A mount. So a solid money. Oh, like the load. Yeah. Sure. Sure. I'll go along with him. It's a mystery to me.

Is there some place where I can. get mine evaluated, perhaps a pawn shop or something? They can tell me the value of my volume. I'm sure there's some type of website where you could send it to an expert, like a porn star or something. Yeah, they do a lot of those things, don't they? All right. While the unholy snow cone situation was happening in Baltimore, some ice-related jacking was happening across the pond, too. Two men in the UK are accused of taking advantage of a so-called frost jacking incident.

Cases where cars were left running to defrost and then stolen. Oh, sure. Police say the thefts unfolded in less than an hour November 21st, and because it's the UK, the crimes stretch across three towns, which sound like characters and a token novel. Police say each driver had stepped away from a running vehicle to let the car warm up, unknowingly setting up the perfect chance for a quick getaway. Luckily for the owners, all three vehicles have since been recovered.

Hmm Glenn Rothes, Kinghorn, and Kirk Caldy and Fife Give me the first one? Glenn Rothes. Rothes. Rothes. Yeah, they have bizarre town names over that away. I know one gal who left her vehicle running at the gas station

to buy a pack of cigarettes came back and it was gone. That was a long time ago, though. Before you could start your car and keep it locked. Yeah. This is way before you could start your car. car and keep it locked. These poor bastards in England, did they just have the old style,

you know, just leave the keys in the... I don't know because they were all like newer fancy cars. Maybe someone bashed in the window, something like... I don't know how that happened. That sucks. That's a terrible feeling, I'm sure. A Minnesota Court of Appeals judge found herself in legal trouble after crashing her vehicle into a snowbank while driving wide receiver on a Los Angeles freeway drunk.

Reports say the 67-year-old hit a snowbank on East Highway 14 near I-35, the overpassed there in Oatana. This happened about 9.15 p.m. Saturday, November 29th. Police say she had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and smelled of alcohol. When she stepped out of her vehicle, the deputy reported she was unsteady on her feet and needed help walking back to the squad car as if she were former quarterback versus Indiana truck driver junk drunk. The judge told the officer she was driving home after the visiting. some friends in Wasika and had only a single glass of wine two hours earlier. Man, I don't know anybody who has friends in Wasika. They know people there, but they wouldn't call them friends. It must have been one impressive glass of wine because she was taken to

the Steel County Detention Center for sobriety testing and gave a breath test sample showing an alcohol concentration of 0.16. That's pretty gooned. Yeah. Off of one glass of wine, that's impressive. Yeah. Low tolerance. It must have been a big glass. A 30, 27-year-old Florida woman was arrested after a police officer saw her walking on a sidewalk with no pants on. Sunday, November 16th, a lucky officer was in a park patrol vehicle when a woman was observed walking on the sidewalk half nude. So no underwears? Yeah, it sounded like she didn't have anything because the way he described it. The officer noted in the arrest report, the woman's underwear was, quote, around her knees,

exposing her buttock and vagina area. The report further stated, Kendra Jones, was... was drinking from a liquor bottle wrapped in a plastic bag. Ah, classic. The officer made contact with Jones and seized the 375 milliliter bottle of the situationally appropriate name of Flashpoint, observing that approximately 75% of it had already been drank by the drunk. With the officer attempted to speak with her, she became combative, so she was detained.

She's facing charges of exposure of sweet, sweet sexual organs and public consumption in violation of a city ordinance. You know, it's funny because, you know, like, say, a woman walking around your house bottomless with a bottle of booze in her hand walking around your house, that comes off pretty sexy. In public, comes off really creepy. Yeah. A little off-putting. How do you walk with underwear around your ankles? I was wondering the same thing.

I've had to do that to go get more toilet paper before. A little scoot. You can barely move. You're waddling, essentially. You know how it goes. Yeah. You look ridiculous. Small foots.

Yeah, very small footh steps. A Mississippi woman set her ex-boyfriend on fire, then tried to convince police he had, quote, fallen into the fireplace while holding a bottle of lighter fluid, even changing his clothes before dialing 911, a detail that unraveled her story almost immediately. I fell into the fireplace holding a can of... Lighter flu.

Lighter fluid. And somehow my clothes aren't burned, but I'm in bad shape. 51-year-old Kalina Stubbs called 911, claiming your wrecks had fallen into the fireplace. But when officers arrived, they found him severely burned across his torso, upper arms, taint, and face, and they noticed that strangely, his clothing wasn't burned at all. An inconsistency that made the whole scene feel staged. They also spotted an open bottle of lighter fluid sitting on the mantle in perfect condition. Another sign that something wasn't lining up, why didn't that have burn marks on it?

When the victim eventually regained the ability to speak, he told investigators Stubbs had doused him with lighter fluid and set him on fire during an argument. Jesus. A version of events that matched the burn patterns on his body. Before long, Stubbs admitted she changed his clothes before calling for help and there was no fall into the fireplace, just a ruthless attack from an ex without a hearth. The man's injuries were described as horrific among the worst ever seen by Madison County District Attorney Bubba Bramette. Bubba had never seen anything like it. He announced sentencing for aggravated assault, a punishment that will send stubs to prison for 20 years.

That's probably good. He's got to be the only person named Bubba in Mississippi. I love that. Bubba. Turns out charred broiled men seem to be trending lately. What was supposed to be a simple late-night subway ride somehow morphed into an impromptu weenie roast last week, leaving one New York man in an uncomfortably intimate predicament after his pants caught on fire. Around 3.10 a.m. officers followed the sharp scent of singed pubs to a 55-year-old man,

sitting with noticeable burns along his legs. According to the NYPD, it wasn't any fib that said his pants ablaze. Investigators believe he may have knotted off with a cigarette leading to the unfortunate probicule. First responders took him to a hospital in stable condition, and officials say there's no sign of anything suspicious. They think it was just an accident. But he was hanging out on the street looking like that? He was in a subway. Oh, in the subway. An 11-foot-tall bronze statue of the science fiction hero Robocop has finally taken its place in Detroit,

arriving after nearly 15 years of on-again, off-again efforts that residents were wondering if the project was dead or alive. Deter Alive, you are coming with me. The two-and-a-half-ton figure modeled after Peter Weller's portrayal in the 1987 film, was fit for duty Wednesday outside the free-age production. studio in the city's eastern market. Almost immediately, people wandered over to take a look, admiring the gleaming armor and snapping photos. They finally erected it, and now I'm here to see this big, beautiful bronze piece of art.

Like, what a piece of cinematic history to represent the city of Detroit. Now, that's a big fan right there. Jesus, man, get a grip. The first idea took shape in 2011 when then Mayor Dave Bing responded to a tweet suggesting the city put up a Robocop statue. He replied, there were no plans. for such a thing, yet that brief exchange got the ball rolling. Fans rallied and before long a Kickstarter campaign appeared,

eventually gathering more than $67,000 to make the statue a reality. I'd buy that for a dollar. By 2017, the sculpture was finished, though it spent years in limbo waiting for a permanent home while organizers navigated a maze of delays, including the need for legal clearance from MGM, the company that holds the rights to the character. Now with the statue finally standing,

tall in its new spot, the focus shifts to celebrating its arrival. Oh, because he's like a cyborg crime fighter, you know. And then the movie, in the futuristic Detroit, he's there to save the city, keep the city safe. So it's like a great representation of safety and keeping the city safe from crime and all that bad stuff. This was another YouTube audition, clearly. Probably. That's crazy. I want to be viral.

Yeah. Plans are already forming for an official welcome ceremony. One organizer's hope will feature Robococon. OG Peter Weller himself. Oh, I thought he had died. Oh, not that I'm aware of. Okay. Oh, let me double check that.

That wouldn't make sense. I thought the sum bitch had died, Pete Weller. At any rate... No, he's still kicking. Okay. This is a cool moment for Robocop fans like myself. That is one of my favorite movies. It is, to this day, it is so unique.

I think there are just so many elements to that movie that are unique, especially when you consider when it was made, 1987. great great for Peter Weller great for the folks behind that picture because my guess is they never had a feeling in a million years that Robocop would become this long lasting cult type film yeah that movie we've mentioned it before that messed me up when I first saw that movie in like seventh or eighth grade something like that pretty violent for a kid that age it was so I'd never seen anything like that before I was pretty sheltered with that kind of thing and my folks I have Robocop, you could probably watch that. Yeah, that one really affected me. There's a documentary about the making of the movie. Maybe you were the one who first told me about it, Josh. I haven't been able to get through much of it,

but I hear it's an excellent documentary. It is. Oh, you've seen it. Great show, people say. Yeah, such a fun movie. There's another make-believe cop making news. We move on from the Midwest and make our way to the West Coast. A TikTok cop was busted in California after pulling someone over with a set of fake police lights.

The Antioch Police Department gave him the nickname because the impressionable individual spotted an ad on TikTok for police-style lights, bought himself a red and blue set, and mounted them on his pickup to play, I'm a police guy. Officer Yega and his canine partner, Loki, were on the road when they noticed a red pickup using those lights to stop other drivers. and the self-appointed traffic enforcer seemed genuinely stunned when the real police rolled up behind him. Body cam footage captured the driver explaining he got the idea from TikTok, and somehow he didn't realize he wasn't allowed to pull people over. You know, he did have the lights. When Officer Yega asked why he lit up the fake police lights behind another car,

the man simply said, they cut me off. The cop responded, so you put your red and blue lights on? That's illegal, bro. You can't have police lights. The TikTok cop answered, I did not know that. Police believe he likely did know that, so he was arrested and his simulated squad towed away. Police added, if anyone ever feels unsure about whether they're being stopped by a real officer, they can call 911 for confirmation.

Of all the sad and pathetic things that we're involved in these days around the world, this makes my top five. Yeah, definitely. It is odd how often it happens, and it's odd somebody gets there in the first place. pretend cop grown folks makes my top five any day they want you to respect their authoritative the chargers host the eagles on monday night football corey taylor a slip knot and stone sour 52 former megadeth guitar genius marty freeman is 63 deaf leopards phil colin is 68 spooner blows heyward sucks but what the tree tree go do jesus text in a photo of the

newest member of the puppyhood, Cooper. And I can tell you that Cooper is adorable. We appreciate you listening. Happy birthday to Investigator Code Brown Jesus turning 33. He said his wife didn't wish him a happy birthday yet. So, quote, can you say get out of jail free card? Yeah, you can hold that over her for a lot. Darn it.

And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show. It felt good to, you know, play to the standard that our fans. deserves back here at U.S. Bank Stadium. Quick strike, Hawkinson, stays on his feet. Touchdown. That might be an early fourth quarter dagger.

Fourth quarter dagger. I'll tell you what. Let's bring in the boys. Both of them on the good old-fashioned telephone line this morning. Brad Ryder, the lonely boy by God. Hello, Brad. Good morning. And Randy Shaver calling in from out of town.

Where are you at, Randy? I am in Chicago. What's the how you doing in Chicago? A visiting family. Oh. That is a fun place to be this time of year. So Christmasy. Not really.

Randy disagrees. You're not too pumped to be in the windy city. No, no, it's not. No, no, no, no. It was somewhere warm. Yeah, for sure. Visiting family. How is everybody?

Everybody's good. No. That's very nice. That's good. When I heard you were in Chicago, Well, this is the first I've learned that you were in Chicago. When I heard you were out of town, I thought maybe you would have taken your old carcass maybe to Indianapolis

to see the Big Ten championship game. That was the thought I had. I actually watched the game last Saturday night, but no, did not venture there. It would have been fun to be there for sure. We'll get to that in a minute. We'll get to that in a minute. First things first, you heard,

troubled Vikings head coach Kelvin O'Conrad there in the intro. So the Commodores ended up being the perfect cupcake that the Vikings needed to make them feel a little bit better about themselves. Yes, they did. For sure.

The Vikings whooped. The Washington Commodores, a 31 to rip at the New Metrodome yesterday. That's a team in terrible disarray right now, Washington. You know, it's amazing how one injury for that team

basically derailed the entire season because they were coming off I don't even know what their record was last year but it was really good and they were a very good team yeah yeah they were heading all

in the right direction they made it to the NFC title game last year yeah Jaden Daniels was you know looked like the star of the future and all that kind of stuff and things just went completely south after he got hurt they have zero running game, cannot figure out how to run the football.

Their receivers are all hurt. Battling injuries all year. It looks like Zach Ertz is basically his career is done after getting hurt yesterday. Oh, yeah, there were some dramatic injuries yesterday. I never saw the video of this Zach Ertz. Was it horrible, disgusting? No, it looked like it hurt, but it wasn't gruesome or anything. It looked like he was in pain.

Yeah, he definitely wasn't pain. I mean, once it happened, you did go, oh, that looked like it was very painful, but I wouldn't have thought it was as bad as it ended up being. Okay. Totally unproven and injury-prone quarterback J.J. McCarthy threw three touchdown passes. He did not turn the ball over. Everybody had a good time yesterday. Well, you know, again, that's a nice step. You wish it was worth more than one game.

Right. You know what I mean? But it's one game. and it's a step in the right direction. And, you know, the Vikings are all in on this kid. So, you know, we all have to have patience here to see how this turns out because they are not making any drastic changes at that position. He's going to be the guy.

Well, not yet. Maybe in the off season. Well, I was going to say, I think the last four games are going to tell us, you know, whether they're all in or not. They may go out and get a veteran backup quarterback. That for sure is going to happen. But I think McCarthy is probably Brad, even regardless of how things go in the final four games, I really think that they have put all their eggs in the basket.

Oh, we're all well aware of that. Yeah, Kelvin O'Conrad is completely head over heels in love with J.J. McCarthy and vice versa. So we all know this ain't over. It ain't over. They ran the ball up and down yesterday. They had one touchdown drive that lasted 11 minutes or something like that. 12 minutes? That's the longest offensive drive.

The Vikings will put together in 20 years or something like that. Tends to help the quarterback look better when you can run the ball. Oh, yeah. It does. Up next, the Vikings will play at the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday night football. Now, is that, because that game gets flexed? Oh, I'm asking you the same question. out of Sunday night, you mean?

Yeah. Perhaps. I think they would have done it by now. Oh, they would have? Yeah. Okay. I do think they have to give fans and teams, I am Paul Mounde to notice. Yeah, I just wonder, I mean, there's got to be a better matchup.

That means more than Dallas and the Vikings on a Sunday night in December. Yeah, I don't know the rules on that. I'm going to go ahead with what, uh, I'm going to be a better matchup. I'm going to follow Danil's lead over there and say that probably too late for that. Things were getting pretty bad around here, as we all know, for totally unproven and injury-prone quarterback J.J. McCarthy. Things were getting pretty bad around here. It reached a point that I didn't think possible. There was an article going around where they're even making fun of J.J. McCarthy in Brazil.

You see some of those memes? I saw one meme. He's getting roasted. A Brazilian soccer team was even making fun of J.J. McCarthy. Flamengo, some Brazilian soccer team won their ninth game of the year or their ninth championship overall. Which one was it? The championship. I'm not sure.

It doesn't matter. The Flamengo soccer team in Brazil won their ninth game or their ninth championship. And then put together a meme to make fun of J.C. Jay McCarthy's stupid alter ego, which is nine. You see what happens is when I get on the field, I become nine. And they posted that infamous picture that you were talking about last week. Looks like he's growling like a dog. He had that face yesterday.

Yes, in the post game, I saw the video of that. Dude, you're making it worse. Come on. Yeah, come on. That famous video where he's like growling and doing that like supposedly intimidating pose after they beat Detroit. You guys know what I'm talking about. There's a video. So I saw one article yesterday that, again, had that picture of him in the locker room trying to look all mean after playing three horrible quarters and putting together one decent quarter of football in that game against Detroit back at the beginning of the year.

Anyway, I saw one article that said, this video and picture, how did they put it, Josh, was to be, became the beginning of the end of this man's career. Yeah, he should have waited until he had some success before he introduced us to nine, don't you think? Yeah, and he also, you don't create your own nickname either. Oh, man. I got to find the way they. That video, he was to the post game where they were like giving the game balls away or whatever. And the video of him, it just makes me cringe. I just watch it. Michael, come on.

Yeah. Here's how they put it in the article. This video single-handedly ruined J.J. McCarthy's career. But it is so fun to watch because it's so ridiculous. It's just so silly. You know, I don't. Athletes are different. They are. They just, the professional athletes are just different. They're very emotional and they're very sensitive. A lot of them are just odd. Yeah, I can't take that guy seriously. You know, nobody's ever, I go back to something I said a few weeks ago. Nobody's probably ever told this guy that he's been anything other than great.

Exactly. And now this year when he's not great, he's not handling it well because he doesn't understand how to handle it. God, I hope that kid stays off the Internet. You're right. He can't, though. I mean, Dana, that's the problem. If he's not staying off the internet, that's why he's acting this way. Brad Ryder is 100% accurate.

A lot of them are told by damn, they are God's gift from the word go. I'm sure out of high school, he was a four or five-star recruit. He goes to Michigan. They win a national championship. He can't do anything wrong, and then boom. Yeah. Yeah. It's a different kind of a vibe.

So anyway, they were even making fun of them in friggin' brink. Brazil. Oh, man. Yesterday in the National Football League, Joe Burra was back playing football. That was brand new to me. Or was this his second? I think it was a second.

Yeah, the second game. I knew I'd F that up. No, no, you're great. He came out slinging, too, three touchdown passes in the first three drives. It's a great. It was a fun game to watch until, well, I mean, if you're a Buffalo fan,

great fourth quarter. Because their defense came up with two huge plays. to save the game. Yeah, Burrow looks so good. Then he threw back-to-back interceptions on consecutive plays. What do you end up with touchdowns four? Burrow?

Yeah, I think four. Green Bay beat Chicago and that divisional matchup. Houston beat Kansas City in Kansas City. They're done. Are they officially? Well, the big meme going around

is about their record right now. Yeah, they're... I don't know the record. Six and seven. Oh, can we stop? Can we at least... try to stop? I mean, it's never going to, well, I shouldn't say never. Can we at least do our part to squash it? Can we agree on that? Yeah. Like on a scale of one to ten, how much does it bother?

Houston beat the Kansas City Chiefs. 20 to 10. I didn't see the ball game. So is Kansas City really officially done? Not officially official, but. No, but I, they're, In order for them to make the playoffs, they're going to have to probably be a wild card. And that's, I mean, Buffalo's a wild card right now at 9 and 4. I mean, they're so far back. And there's so many teams to chase to climb over. Good. I just don't see a way where they get in.

That's beautiful. We can all agree and celebrate that. Oh, 100%. They got a little bit of hope yesterday when Daniel Jones went down, because the Colts are probably done. That's true. And the Colts are 8 and 5, so the Colts may not

sense any higher than 9 and 8. And if they're badly, you know, they could sneak in that way if they get to 9 and 8. Oh, Lord, let's hope not. What a damn shame. Indiana Jones. It was so bad, yeah.

Indiana Jones blew out as a killings tended. It was one of those things. Nobody touched him. Oh. It just happened. It just happened. Yeah. I was really feeling good about the Colts

and Indiana Jones. and now his Achilles blew across the ballpark yesterday, and he's done for this season. Well, if you really, really don't want to choose to make the playoffs, then you should be rooting for, like, the Chargers tonight, too. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, the Chargers keep winning now and make it tougher.

All right. Josh informed us earlier that tonight's Monday night football matchup is my Philadelphia Eagles at the Los Angeles Chargers. Speaking of the Eagles, they haven't been all that hot lately, despite having the best quarterback in the National Football League and a decent running bag. So here's the deal. They did the right thing, the Eagles.

They went out and got themselves an inflatable, positive vibes Easter bunny. So weird. And they blew it up and they put it in their locker room to remind everyone to stay positive. There are pictures of this online. It's large. Why they went with the Easter bunny this time? of year as opposed to St. Nick

or Rudolphers, I don't know. That is very strange, isn't it? It's on 93x.com if you want to look at it. Yeah, a picture of it. So in the locker room, they have an inflatable, positive vibes Easter bunny to remind everyone to feel positive and things are going to get better. I don't know. I have no idea.

I don't know why. I think that's really the only spot we can fit a big bunny, but I was told it's live bunnies. and vibes are high. Sequin Barclay didn't understand the bunny or why it was put next to his locker. Or did they put it next to his locker? They asked him on. He's like, I have no

up. Maybe that's a sign. Maybe they need Barclay to, you know, they put it towards him to get him going because he's been just not very good this year. I watched a decent amount of a Packers-Barrers game going back

to that. I could, Caleb Williams is getting really, really good. I mean, he was really good yesterday, even though that they lost. So, I mean, they're going to be good for, he's going to be good for a while, and they're going to be good for a while. Yes, they are. Yes, they are. All right.

We briefly touched on this a few minutes ago. Let's get into it. I think we can all walk away with a smart-ass smile on our faces anytime Ohio State gets beat, especially in a meaningful ball game. Yep. And that's what everybody got Saturday night, the University of Indiana Football Club. They're QB, though. What about him?

It's a dork. Oh, my gosh. I was just watching him talk to the reporters. Mendoza? It was great, just like his, it was like crying and that he's just way, his personality just kind of weirded me out. I don't know the guy. He's a hell of a character. Yeah.

At least I think. What do you got there? Indiana, the Big Ten champs. How does that sound? It sounds so beautiful. I want to give all the glory to God. We're never supposed to be in this business. It's great teammates.

Every have around us, we were able to pull this off. Whoever thought the Hoosers are flipping champs, let's go! You see what I mean? He sounds like Rick Moranis and Ghostbusters. He forgot one thing. Big Ten Network. I think he sounds like Frankie McDonald, the weather guy. I think he sounds like Frankie MacDonald, the weather guy.

Yes. Very excitable, that young man. I had no idea. Probably, you know, we rail on people who say nobody believed in us and nobody thought about it. But in that case, it's probably very true because when he showed up there, nobody thought that they were going to be in this position. Yeah, I asked my husband, I'm like, is there anything?

Because he follows college ball, and I'm like, is there anything to that? What he's saying? And he told me that it would be like if somebody came into the gophers, and next thing you know, they're winning like this. Yeah. Yeah. It's very comparable. And again, that gives, I said this,

not that long ago, it gives everybody some hope that it is possible that you can turn your college football program into a national contender. For Indiana to do it, I mean, my God,

that's just amazing. It's one of the greatest stories in football, I think, in the last 10 years. Oh, easily. It's just amazing. It's wonderful. People are saying that the quarterback for Indiana, Fernando Mendoza, who we just heard from a minute ago, people are comparing him to Kurt Cousins on cocaine.

University of Indiana Football Club beat Ohio State in the Big Ten title game. The Hoosiers had a perfect season. They came out of it with their first Big Ten title since 1967. 1310 was the final final. It was not only the Big Ten title game, but also a matchup of the top two ranked teams in the country. Indiana beat number one to become number one. What did Rick Flair always say? To be the man, you got to beat the man.

The kicker from Ohio State missed a chip shot that would have tied the game late. So the Hoosiers will go ahead into the college football playoff tournament as the number one seed. Ohio State's the two seats. So if things play out the way they play out, it's possible they could meet again in the championship. Sure. I mean, this goes on and on. on. It's the Hoosiers's first outright title since 1945. They beat Ohio State for the first time since 1988.

Wow. He's made. I would say they get the winner of Alabama and Oklahoma. So things get a little tricky now. These are all really, really good games. Oh, for sure. Yeah. For sure.

And they made the playoffs last year, right? I mean, Indiana was. Yeah, they did. Yeah, they went to Notre Dame and lost. Yeah. Lost to Notre Dame. So they've been there before now. Cubby, did anyone else hear the nickname for Fernando Mendoza?

Hysmandoza? Huh? Huh? They say now he'll likely win the Hysman trophy as well as high. I don't know. I don't friggin' know. We had a couple texts saying they guarantee it. He's going to win.

He's the guy. You get any text messages there from any Notre Dame fans today? There's one that I can't. Where did that go? have one. Well, here's a text that says Notre Dame is pissed. They're not the best team in Indiana. Someone else texted in just to say simply F Notre Dame. What does Notre Dame have to do with any of this? Well, Notre Dame got, they were the team that was left out of the playoffs. Oh. The football. And so then they said, well, okay, we're not going to go to a bowl game then.

And so now they're, yeah, they decided. They just opted out of going to a bowl game. Yeah. I'm taking my ball and I'm going home. I can see Iowa State not going because their coach left and it's kind of a mess there right now. And I can see there's another team that lost their coach that decided, you know what, it's just too much of a mess for us to go to a bowl game. But Notre Dame, come on. Stop being such a baby. Okay, you didn't make it.

So a lot of teams that were close that didn't make it still go to a bowl game. They still could have gone to a high-tier bowl game and gotten a nice payout. So they've folded their arms in front of themselves and said, we won't go. Right. Yeah. That's pretty pathetic. Yeah. But they're Notre Dame.

You know, they think of themselves as the upper crust of society. And that's how people will look at it, too. Yeah. Just like I am, it's like, come on. Yeah. I can see that from that institution. Oh, you don't think we deserve to, you know. Well, then we'll just.

take ourselves out of the situation. We know where the Golden Gopher football team is going to be playing. From the boat, Scott, you know where the Golden Gophers are going to play this bowl season. They'll be playing in Phoenix, Arizona, in something called the Rate Bowl, and they'll be facing the mighty University of New Mexico Lobos. Not a matchup that sparks. Much curiosity. your intrigue. A little mini controversy

over that. There were some people a little upset that they didn't go to the Las Vegas Bowl. Yeah, they should have gone to a batter bowl. Yeah, they beat Nebraska, and Nebraska has the same record as them, and they're going to the Las Vegas Bowl, so there's a little chatter about that yesterday. Well, I don't care

what anybody says, I'm pumped, Cubby. Yeah, you love PJ. You don't care what he does. I'm pumped for them. As long as they don't go to a cold weather game or Detroit, I think people will be okay with it. I'm going to come off, Josh, like the biggest rate bowl fan in town. I see you got your gophers gear on today.

Oh, yeah, I guess I did. Yeah, I like that. I don't know what the rate bowl is, but I'm going to find out by December 26, and you're going to be sick of it. First ever matchup. My God, see, here we go. Right from the get-go, there's something to be excited about. This is the first-ever meeting between the Golden Gophers and the Lobos.

Maybe my mic wasn't working there. Soaking that in. We're so excited. We're planning a party. Are you, yeah, you're excited. I have a list of all the bowls. My God, the very first will be, what day is it today? Monday?

The eighth. The eighth. The first one's this Saturday, yeah. The Celebration Bowl will kick things off Saturday night. And then you got the L.A. Bowl. Or is it the La Bowl? It's La Bowl, yes. Is that the Gronk one that Gronks involved with?

Probably. Sounds familiar to me, Brad Rider. Yeah, it sounds right. Celebration Bowl, La Bowl, Salute to Veterans Bowl, Cure Bowl, 68 Ventures Bowl, Xbox Bowl, Myrtle Beach Bowl, Gasparilla Bowl. And then you got those playoff games that'll be in there somewhere. Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, Boker Raton Bowl, New Orleans Bowl, Frisco Bowl, Hawaii Bowl, Game Above Sports Bowl, Rape Bowl, First Responder Bowl, Bowl, Military Bowl, Pinstripe Bowl, Fenway Bowl, Bowl, Pop Tarts Bowl, Bull, Arizona Bowl. New Mexico Bowl,

Gator, Texas, Birmingham, Independence, Music City, Alamo, Reliqquest, Sun, citrus, Las Vegas, Armed Forces, Liberty, Dukes, Mayanase, holiday. The National Championship game

is on January 19th. The four first-round playoff games are the weekend of the 19th and 20th. That'll be a good weekend of football. That's all of them, Josh. That's a lot. I'm surprised by your

lung power. Yeah, that was impressive. For all the people who bitch and moan about college athletes, football players getting paid, I mean, when you get to this point of the season, when you've played almost as many games as the NFL by the time they're done, if you play in the national championship game, it's almost February. By the time the college football season is done, that's just insane. In reverse order now, holiday bowl, Duke's Mayanay's Bowl, Liberty, Armed Four

Okay, all right. Now go alphabetical. Oh, for God's sake. Burrito bowl. Alamo. Burrito. Cereal. Gosh, high him down.

The Dildo Bowl. Man, loves bowl games. I thought the Brigham Young kids were all God-fearing straight living types like Cubby. It says here a Brigham Young University football player has been dismissed from the team after he got himself arrested for what they're calling here, lewdness. Did you watch any of the video? No. Yeah, I mean, they didn't show the actual lewd part, but just he looked like a guy

that was about to get lewd or just got lewd. It was the prelude. Oh, you know that look. Prelude? Yes, it was a prelude, I guess. The prelude. The prelude to lewdness. To lewdness.

From what I understand, this kid was hanging out front of a grocery store wagging as little Johnson at anyone who walked in his direction. There you go. Wow. Then he ran like hell, but the police caught him and beat him up, and then they arrested him. Anyone who walked into the grocery store that night in Provo, Utah, I got a look at this kid's pecker. That's the lewdness they were referring to. I didn't think they operated like that at Brigham Young.

Yeah, surprise me too. Rodney Dangerfield used to say, I don't care how you bring them, but bring them young. A girls' high school flag football game in Georgia had to be anything. did by forfeit because of a fist fight on the field. I love this. You can see this on 93x.com. I wondered, like, a lot of these, if this would be clickbait. No, these girls really wanted to fight each other.

Remember me of the powder puff games the girls used to play in high school. They just would beat the crap out of each other. You're a friggin' powder puff. Yeah. I'm sorry, Dana. No, no, it's okay. No, they would play, you know, by classes. So it'd be like the seniors against the juniors, and they all hated each other.

They would just beat the crap out of each other. I remember those games. I never remember violence like that. There was violence in ours. Our listener is texting. He didn't want me to go through those bowl games again. Well, some folks said you forgot the cereal bowl and the minute bowl. The minute bowl.

Yeah. How about Nick and Josh? You go back and forth. Each one reads one. I wish there was a minute bowl, dude. That would be great. They should have a minute bowl. I think you should do a two-hour special sometime and break down each game.

We'll do what we can, Bradrider. I would love to see a minute bowl with his head at midfield. Yeah. Very cool. He was owed that. He was such a wonderful guy. Now, let me see if I can ask somebody, Josh, his son plays in the NBA, one of his sons.

Do you know what his name is? No. Bowl Bowl. Oh, that's right. Yes, we have talked about Bowl Bowl before. They just doubled up on the bowl. That's right. Yeah, this girls' high school flight football game had to be called in Georgia because

of a terrible fist fight on the field. Here's the deal. Two gals took to punch in each other's lights out on the field. problem was when the fight started one of the two teams bench players stayed on the bench the other team's bench players all ran onto the field to join the fight

so because of that the team that all ran on the field to fight they had so many players ejected by the referees that they didn't have enough eligible bodies to continue the game that's a forfeit game over it was a good coaching job by the team that left the players on the bench Yeah.

All the day on there. That's correct. Yeah, I mean. Although the ones on the field got the crap beat out of them probably, but. The original one-on-one fist fight that these girls cut loose with, it was a good one. Like Josh was saying, they were some anger there for sure. They were throwing them. The two gals must have been in a fight before, not with each other, but just in general, because they were pretty good at it.

And then here locally, I understand the Hopkins Tartan basketball game, high school basketball game over the weekend, had to end early due to fist fights. Now, am I mistaken? Did you never like Hopkins? I thought you had something to say about Hopkins. Well, I never liked tartan, so. Hopkins is shady as balls.

And you lived there for a bit. That's when I learned. Oh, yeah. But I knew even before I moved there that Hopkins was iffy. everybody in the West Metro, Hopkins is like our shady adopted brother. Until I found out that Dr. Andrea went to Hopkins. Things changed.

Well, did you ever go to the Raspberry Festival? Of course. That's fun? Of course. Josh, my concern for Hopkins didn't keep me out of Hopkins. Yeah, you lived there. Because we had some lawless times on Main Street there, lawless times. Finding out that our friend Dr. Andrea Johnston from German,

Hospital, graduated from Hopkins. She added some prestige. It makes a difference. Yes. Oh, man. Yeah, when I lived in Hopkins, we used to drink in that town, Christ, the raspberry festival, all that stuff, we had a riot. But I've never felt completely safe there. I understand.

Yeah, I get it. It's like when you go to Winoka. Yeah, you got to keep your head on the swivel a little bit. You never feel entirely comfortable. What? You're not wrong. You've lived here. for 50 years, Randy?

Are we making things up? There's nothing wrong with Anoka. All right, maybe during Halloween. I mean, I've even been in St. Louis Park a little too close to the border, and I was looking for Hopkins people, you know. The last time I was in Anoka was quite a few years ago. We went there for a Halloween celebration, bar gig, costume contest, the whole smear.

And, of course, it's a riot. You know, they are the Halloween capital of the world. Right? Yep. Here in the state of hockey. Yeah. Right? I will never get that. No, it's not like Salem, Massachusetts or anything.

What about Salem, Massachusetts? You would think that would be the Halloween capital of the world. No, Tinoca. So, it was so uncorked that evening in Hopkins that when my brother and I got into the car to leave, We were parked right on the street, and there's just people just running and screaming and fighting and vomiting everywhere. We got in the car. As soon as the doors were closed, and we knew no one else could hear us, I said to my brother, I'm never coming back here.

Timberwell have won five straight games. Tonight they play at home against the Phoenix Suns, who will be playing without their sissy-ass starting point guard, Devin Booker. which kind of sucks because the sons have become one of the wolves most hated opponents and I'd like to see someone on the wolves give Booker a cheap shot to the jaw I know he and Jaden McDaniels they have to have a fist fight at some point because they hate each other all they do yes what does it stem from this rivalry or were they on a team from the playoffs a couple years ago that what it was yeah so I think they go to Golden State on Friday and then they come back home I think I was looking at the schedule for like five in a row at home

right before Christmas. They're going to be in that number two spot before we know it, I think. I went to the game on Saturday, and can I brag a little bit? Yes. Please do. I got to meet Crunch. What? That's pretty sweet.

Was it his birthday or not yet? No, no. Just he would, they have this cool in the upper level. We were up in the cheap seats. They have this cool little setup where he poses for photos with fans. And it's mostly for kids. And he was about to close up shop. But me and my two friends were like, one more, can we do one more?

And Crunch, and the handler was like, all right. you 40-year-olds, get your ass in there. I'll take a quick photo and get out of here. You mentioned you bragged meeting Crunch. Yeah. Nick can flex on that, though. Crunch came to him on his birthday once. Oh, I thought that was Goldie.

Oh, it was all of them. Oh, they were? Oh. It was a mascot game. That was so cool. I just think this is a one-sided story where I bet Crunch is saying nothing about meeting you. No, he's not. Certainly not bragging.

He definitely seemed like he had other places to be. Quite a few people that are texting in on Anoka. and their emotions, their feelings, their thoughts on Anoka. The overall vibe is, yeah, when a lot of us enter the city limits, the city limits of Anoka, we put our guard up. I'll tell you a great story from that night when my brother and I were down there for the Halloween celebration. I was hosting a costume contest. I can't recall the bar, but it was packed.

And the costumes were unbelievable. And the bar was, pardon me, the crowd was drunk and quite antsy for the competition to begin. But the bar wants to milk this as long as they can because they're selling drinks by the dozen. So, you know, when's the cost? I kept hearing because I was the emcee of the event. When's the costume contest going to start? Well, at 9.9.30, now it's 10. Now it's 10.30.

You know, they're making me wait this out. Which was fine, but I get up on stage to begin the costume contest, and I'm saying things like, okay, everybody, welcome to the blank-blank bar and grill. Costume contest, the top prize is $500. We need all of the finalists to come over here and we'll vote by. I'm explaining the whole smear. I was wearing a hooded sweatshirts that evening that just said Wizzetta on the front, my hometown. And as I'm explaining myself on the mic, there's a dead.

moment and from the back of the bar one dude says, why's that a sucks? I imagine you appreciated that quite a bit. Oh, I laughed my balls off. Yeah, that was good. 6.30 start time tonight at Target Center for the Timberwell.

I think it's a peacock game tonight. An NBC game. The pigs have now lost a couple in a row. Vancouver beat him Saturday night. Goldtender Jesper Walshstadt finally looked human. In between the pipes Saturday night.

Tonight they play a completely unnecessary game against a completely unnecessary Seattle Cracken. It was on today's date in 1987 that Ron Hextall of the Philadelphia Flyers became the first NHL goalie to score a goal by shooting the puck into the opposing team's empty net. Ronnie Hextall. I remember that on the news.

My parents watched the news every night. I remember them talking about what a big deal that was. That was pretty cool. Totally and completely out of his mind, Ron Hextall. He had that reputation. Yes. If you want to have some fun on YouTube, look up the video where Ron Hextall tried to murder Chris Chelyos on the ice.

I think that was the 87 playoffs. Hextall was playing goalie for the Philadelphia Flyers. Chellios was playing defense for the Montreal Canadians at the time, and the writing was on the wall. The series was over. was going to advance. The flyers were going to go home. And in the closing seconds, Ron Hextal said, you know what, forget about this playing goalie? I'm going to go kill that guy over there. He left the crease and pounced on Chris Chelyos, and it was just beautiful. God, it just,

those were the greatest days in hockey. Who would you say was the craziest goalie of all time? Ron Hextall or Billy Smith, those two names come to mind. Is Patrick Wai on the list? Well, Patrick didn't really show his crazy side much until he was. done playing. Until afterwards. Yeah. I mean, he certainly was a fiery individual. I don't think, in my opinion, he compares to just the overall nuttiness of Ron Hextall and

Billy Smith. Billy Smith would take his goal. If you ever went or if you wrapped around the net on Billy Smith, you would take the full brunt of his goalie stick in your nuts. You didn't go near the net with Billy Smith. Ah, yeah. Well, now Brad Ryder and Randy Schaber, now it says here that the twins don't intend to tear their roster down any further. Don't believe it.

Nope. I don't either. They intend to keep Joe Ryan, Pablo Lopez, and the F-and-Buck truck. So is this the kiss of death for the three of them? I think the story was planted and leaked a little bit to make sure that they had some trade leverage because there were too many stories out there that they were. that they were going to trade those three. So if you sprinkle a little story out there that they're not going to, then it increases some trade value.

And it's all about the bottom dollar. They got Twinsfest tickets to sell. Yeah. They just announced that last week. Oh, great. Baseball winter meetings are underway right now. Certainly Buxton, I think the decision by him to waive his trade, no clause, allows the twins the opportunity to deal him.

I guess I'm not going to be surprised that they trade Buxton. I'll be surprised if they trade Joe Ryan. That's the one guy that I would be sad about that they trade because if you're ever going to try to get yourself back into the playoff picture, you need a starting pitcher like Joe Ryan.

So we'll see how it plays out, but I got a feeling that Buxton, and it's not a, you know, I want Byron Bucksen to play for a, playoff team. I want him to go someplace and get an opportunity to play in the postseason before his career is done. The other thing with Bucks and two, sorry, I thought you were done, Randy. I was going to say you're selling high on him if you trade him right now, too. I mean, I want him here too, but he had a fairly injury for a year. He had a really good year. And he had a really good year. And if you do trade

him now, you actually are going to get some good value for him. So, yeah, for sure. Well, that's the story they're spinning. a big week. I mean, there's everything I've been reading, and you know me, Nick, I love the hot stove baseball stuff. Everything that I've been reading for the last two

weeks is that this could be one of the craziest weeks of baseball trading that we've seen in a long time. And there's some big free agents like Schwerber and Tucker that are out there that their next team might not be decided this week, but there's

going to be a lot of moving and shaking by teams to either set them up or to move on without trying to go after them too. The vibe they're pushing over at the Twins front office is they don't intend to tear down their roster any further. As a matter of fact, they intend to keep Joe Ryan, Pablo Lopez, and Byron Buckston and build from here, we'll see about that. I'm going to stick with that prediction from a month. Yes, Randy.

I would believe that if they had minor investors that had joined the organization and that, and we knew who they were, you know what I mean? If the poll ads had found people to invest with them, but they don't have that. And so it's really hard for the fan base to believe anything that's coming out of the Twins organization right now. now just because of all the garbage that's happened in the last year or so. So I don't believe it. I think they'll make some trades. I'm going to stick with my prediction from a month or so ago.

I think the twins, I don't know how, but I think the twins are going to surprise everyone and have a great season in 20 and 26. It's going to shock the sporting world. Like University of Indiana football, they're going to shock the sporting world. If I were the GM, I probably would entertain. offers for Bucksson, like I said, but I would hang on to those two pitchers. If you're going to if you've got any chance of

being relevant and rebuilding, and they're not old pitchers either, they're young pitchers. I mean, you need starting pitching. That's like the gold thing in baseball. Especially when you look at their minor league, their AAA, their double A pitchers right now, there's nobody there that's really

super ready to be a stopper in the rotation. They don't have that right now. And so if you deal those two guys, you better get something back in return that can help you this season, but some guys that you think can be that Joe Ryan five years from now, because there's really nobody in this organization right now. Yeah, Mick Abel from Philly, people love him, think he's going to be good. Tosh Bradley's got potential. Yeah, we get it. But it's not like, you know for sure that that guy's going to be the stopper in your location.

Randy Schaver. Yeah, those two guys, if they're healthy, I mean, there's nothing wrong with them being your one and two starters at all. And if you can fill in after that, but that's why I don't mind the Buxton talk, but those other two guys, I don't get that. Randy Schaeber loves the hot stove stuff, and at his age, I get more and more concerned you're going to burn yourself on the hot stove. Like a hockey player. Well, you'll tip forward in your chair and burn yourself on the hot stove because you're falling asleep. It's happened before. Jeff Kent was elected to Baseball's Hall of Fame yesterday.

Yeah. I think that through the Veterans Committee, is that right? To me, it says here the Contemporary Committee. I don't remember the verbiage. I don't think this is the old-timers thing. I'm confused by all this. I always get... I'm always apprehensive to bring up

the baseball Hall of Fame because I don't understand. There are so many different routes to get in and votes, and so I don't understand it. I think it's the same route that Oliva and Todd got in a few years ago. It says here the Contemporary Era Committee. Yeah, it's a committee of sorts to get in. It's not a regular vote.

Okay. Jeff Kent's going in. He hit more home runs than any second baseman in baseball history. Oh, wow. Wow. I wasn't aware of that. No. I certainly know. what kind of player Jeff Kent was.

I remember his era, but I couldn't have told you that he hit more home runs than any second. Didn't he and Barry Bonds choke each other to near death in the clubhouse one day or something? Sounds familiar. I thought there was an infamous.

Yeah, Jeff Kent couldn't stay in Barry Bonds and they choked each other unconscious and whatnot in the club. Random Jeff Kent fact, he played on a season of Survivor on the CBS reality show. Oh, really? Yeah.

And it wasn't like a celebrity edition. he just got casted and he was just out there. One guy's like, wait a minute, aren't you, Jeff Kent? And he was that type of guy, like a middle of the woods, wilderness, living off of his own urine and dead squirrels kind of a guy, yeah. You love that show. How do he do? He did pretty well, actually, yeah.

Yeah, I think he ended up tearing his meniscus or something and had to get medevacs. Oh, God. Yeah, he seemed like he came off as a likable dude. How many times have you tried out for it? A handful, a handful, ten or twelve or something like that, I guess. That's more than a handful. Yeah, I guess you're right now that I started thinking about it. 10 or 12. What show?

Survivor on CBS. But you always mention that you're just as soft as baby turts. I know, but I really want to play. You'd be out like the first week. Is that how it works? I'd probably cry before they even started filming it. Why would you want to sign up for such a thing when you know that you're SAWFT soft? I'd be a fun challenge and I love the game so much.

I just find it absolutely fascinating. Yeah, but if it's a warm climate, you're going to be in some big trouble. Oh, I'd be sunburned immediately. You hate heat heat. I hate the heat. What would you do in the middle of the woods when you realize, oh, God, I need something to eat. What would you do?

You eat coconuts. Coconut's. Or you go fishing. Okay, you've watched too much. Go fishing. Come on. I would have some ego fishing for me, Randy. I think you've watched too much Gilligan's Island.

Eat a coconut. The first road to Arby. Dana, I understand. Yeah, you probably turn to fruits and berries or maybe I, I can pull something out of a pond, but I don't even see you capable of running a legit rod and reel. No, I don't think I could at this point. Let alone, you always talk about you never cared for camping or fishing or hunting or anything. So what would you do?

I mean, what would you use to fish? What are some of your... Like, when you win challenges, they provide you with fishing gear and stuff like that. Oh, well, really? Yeah, so you get like cooking supplies along the way. Yeah, but you got to win those challenges. You got to win those challenges. Oh, I've never...

Never saw it. Yeah. So they do give you materials along the way. You're not just completely just left to fend for yourself. The winner of the circle jerk gets a rod and reel. Will you sleep naked on the show like you do in real life? Oh, I don't know if they allow me to do that. I would probably have to keep my bottoms on.

I suppose. Yeah. Lame. Sorry to ruin your fantasy, Josh. It still lives in my mind. The only way you survive is if somehow on the television show, they say, okay, we'll give a rifle for hunting. and a rod and reel for fishing to the winner of this Super Mario Brothers trivia contest.

What would you do without social media? You can't be on social media for how long does it take? Is it a month more than a month? Yeah. You know, I have tampered my social media use down, but that would be tough, just without any type of electronics to distract me. Well, that's good. Randy Schaeber, how do you survive in the woods?

What would you do? I would be dead in an hour. You know, you might have to eat your own poop. poohs and peepees. I love reading his diary. It was day one. I started eating my own poohs and peepees. You do it in the ocean.

They call those aqued dumps. Aquat dumps? I could survive if my wife was there. You like to bait my hook, kill bugs, that kind of thing. I can probably last a little while. She knows how to start a fire. She's very good with outdoors stuff. Only if she's there to protect you and provide.

Yeah. I can just talk me in. The only way you survive, Judge. That's about it. I can see that Josh is just crying under a palm tree or whatever. After I say a prayer about murdering a fish. Your wife is strangling. I'd have to ask her like, hey, can you take this thing off and what do we do with it now?

She'd know how to do all that stuff. Do I just eat it like an apple? How does this work? I'm eating it like a cob of corn. Just twisting it. This is very scaly. Josh is crying and rocking underneath a lemon tree or something. And his wife is.

ass naked, killing a koala bear with her bare hands. Covered in blood. Yeah, covered in koala blood. We're wearing it like face paint. I'm telling you, if we're ever lost in the wilderness or on a game show, she's the person you want next to you. Oh, I bet. She pees in her hand and feeds it to you.

Jesus. More. I need more. She'd call me down if I thought I had an alt, like some sort of awkward interaction with I don't know, a with a host, Jeff Probst. It wasn't that bad, I'm sure he didn't notice. It is my pee.

Drink it to survive. Terrible. It's terrible. All right, Randy Schaber and Brad Ryder. We're just getting started this week. We'll talk to you boys down the line, and we appreciate her to have a lot. Randy, get home safe from Chicago.

Yep, we will. Oh, Brad, the Rick's girls are here. Hurry up and show up. Get in your car, let's go. Randy, there's a swing. There's a swingers club in Wisconsin between Chicago and Minnesota. I didn't know that. I think it's in Black River Falls or something. Stop by.

We pass right through there. Yeah, swing in, tell everyone we said hello. Okay, we'll talk to you boys later. See ya. Thanks very much. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763 571-2410 or go to BialkiLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Next role with Vernon Davis. The transformative journeys of athletes, artists,

and entrepreneurs. Ladies and gentlemen. Lights out. Sean Merrim. I want to be the biggest and the best one I do. And so whatever it takes. I'll get it done and business and everything else. All I do is know how to fight and earn what I want. My man.

Malik asks, what actor, comedian, what you want to collaborate with? Me, Jamie Foxley, Kevin Hart, in a movie. We said it on Vernon Davis

podcast then, so we'll circle back and be like, yep, it'll go to Cleop. Next role with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

93X, the home of the half-assed morning show. Oh, God. Everybody and all of y'all, it's that time of you. again. Welcome back to the 93x half-ass morning show. It's that time of year, a time of giving lap dances for $20 in trade. Come this Friday, we'll all be piling into Rick's Cabaret Gentlemen's Club for our, I don't know, 75th annual Toys for Tata's toy drive party.

Gosh, this is going to be my seventh. You're getting old. I mean, maybe it would be six because we didn't have one COVID year. did we? No, I don't believe so. Six. We made our own here in the studio. Sixth or seventh, we don't know. We look forward to seeing everybody in downtown Minneapolis, starting at 6 a.m.

We know you won't let us down. We know you'll pack the place and most importantly bring some great stuff for the kids who could use your help this time of year. Got to stack up some toys for the kids who could use a few laughs this holiday season. Welcome to the show now. Three of the gals who will be your entertainment. We have four. Four? Yeah.

Who did I miss? Brooklyn. Brooklyn. Okay. Four of the gals who will be your, we got two studios here, I can't see everybody. Four of the gals who will be your entertainment this Friday morning. Hello once again to. Oh, a little back.

Cherry. Where's Cherry at? I'm over here. Brooklyn over there. Hello, hello. BB Gunn. Hi. And Cleo.

Good morning. Thank you ladies for coming down. We made it. You did make it. it again. You made it again. Can you believe it? We're still sticking around. You guys are still sticking around? Yeah, hard to believe. Match made in heaven. It is. We've all got staying power, if nothing else. Oh, by the way, Josh, someone texted in and wanted to know why, and this is a great question, why we haven't considered calling this event the Gilbert Godfried Memorial

toys for Tata's toy drive. I'd love it if we changed it to that one. Why not? How many years ago was that? Ten years ago? I don't know. Seven years. Maybe not that long, but we have two years in a row or two years within a few years. Legendary comic Gilbert Godfrey joined us for a couple of Tata's events.

That's so sweet. And he was awesome. You know who we're talking about, BB gun? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He did all of the high-pitched character voices in every animated movie about animals ever. Pretty much. That's true. Wasn't he the beetle in Thumbolina, too?

I didn't see that one, but obviously, in Aladdin, he's the parrot, right? Yeah. He was the Afflack Duck. Yep, Afflack Duck. So, yeah. Very funny guy. And then he passed. One of the best comedians we've ever seen.

Passed away. We should consider putting his name on the marquee. We can stick a picture of him in one of the chairs at Tatahs. A post-mortem. Is that what they call it, John? Yeah. Lap dance or something? something. He's the one that started saying

it's for the kids. He'd have to remind people who were overly excited about being there. Now, I hope, of course, we hope all of you ladies are doing wonderfully. It's good to see you again. Cherry, as soon as she walked in, and those you who've been listening for years will understand the reference.

Cherry walked in and the first thing she said was, I am finally physically healthy, 100% for a choice for Tatas. Can you give us the background on this cherry for those who don't know, you normally are mangled in one way. Yeah. So for those who don't know, the first year, I had had a stroke the year before, and then I had my intestines collapse, and then I was in some pretty gnarly car crashes.

But this year, nothing. Only good things have happened. That's great. That's good to hear. Yeah, you sound like when we'd have a motocross rider in studio. They talk about all the breaks and injuries they've had. I'm not a healthy woman. It is my tagline, but we're getting there. Hardcore. That's too bad. So all the money you've made as an entertainer over the years

has pretty much gone to, like, regions. You think I pay my medical bills? My mistake. No, no. There will be quite a few gentlemen this Friday who will be contributing to any medical. Quick, Cherry, you've got to break something before Friday, So that way they can give you money for it.

Oh, I have back pay. That's fine. Any bills that need to be paid will be covered, I imagine, on Friday. Cleo, BB Gun, Brooklyn, everything good. Any adventures in your lives lately? Well, recently, Cleo and Cherry and I took a little girls' trip to New Orleans. Oh, yeah. And that was a time and a half.

I bet. Was it your first time there? Yes, it was. Yep. So, Mardi Gras or more recent than that? In October. It was in October. Oh, okay.

What did you see? Everyone usually comes away from New Orleans, having seen something they never thought. Well, I couldn't see much because some A-hole decided to steal my wallet, so my passport and all my identification was all that. Oh, that sucks. But we had a pool, so I just. I saw a lot of the backside of my friends by the pool. Okay. That is what I saw.

We spent a lot of time by the pool. We also saw ghosts, but we spent most of the time by the pool. We did talk to ghosts. Really? Cool. Did you visit the above-ground cemetery? Supposed to be haunted? No.

We had to go back. Where did you see a ghost? We went on a, like, a ghost tour where they let us use all the little, like, ghost tools and actually hunt for them. We made some really cool ghost friends. Shout out to Mike. He's listening. No, he's the ghost. The ghost can listen to the ring.

radio? Yeah, he's definitely listening. If he starts messing with the frequencies, if people's mics start going in and out, it was definitely him. Oh, then he's haunting the studio, that's for sure. So there you were wandering around New Orleans with little Ghostbusters tools, and that's fascinating. Have you experienced ghosts anywhere else? Oh, yeah. You have?

Yep. Like here. Yeah, I mean, there probably is one in the studio. I wouldn't doubt it. The ghosts of ratings past. Cleo, get right up on that mic when you want to see. Say something. You think there might be even a ghost in this studio.

Absolutely. Are you a paranormal type? No, not a paranormal. I'll just say I have a six cents. You do. Are there any ghosts at Rick's Cabaret? Oh, definitely. Every club has a ghost.

Really? Ghost of customers' bank accounts pass. Oh, I bet that ATM could tell some stories. Oh, my goodness, yeah. Just like to watch a camera on it and see, like, the guy's facial expressions. Just mottling. wobbling up A's young. Oh, no, what did I do?

Drop in the card. I'm happy you guys had a great time in New Orleans. That's one of my favorite cities. I've been there many times. Oh, my God. There was this spinach and artichoke dip. Oh, my goodness. You can't keep talking about it as much as I love it.

We have to go back. That's fair. You inhaled spinach and artichoke dip. We're not allowed to talk about it anymore. Cherry said. You bring it up too much? Cherry cabashed it. Let's put a lid on that.

I'm kind of like that with food, too. Get pretty excited about it. Once I get my tongue set on a flavor, I got to get it. You got to have it. Yeah, I'm going to get it. An off-air conversation that the gals were having, well, BB Gun and Cleo were having before we went live. Oh, no. And I wanted to get Brooklyn and Cherry's take on this as well.

BB Gun said to me, so, what are we going to be talking about? And I said, well, your guest is as good as mine. We'll just jaw jack a little bit and see what happens. And BB Gunn said, what if we rolled through the top five moments? common strip club customer names. Customer names. The top five most common strip club customer names. Oh, that's a good twist.

You know, you go through like dancer names, like the common dancer names. I think we did that last year. Well, she was talking customers. That's what I'm saying. That's quite a twist. I've never considered that. So go ahead. What were the most common?

So the two that I had kind of put into the ring were Mike and John. And then I have Bill and Bob. Bill and Bob, Mike and John. What about Cherry and Brooklyn? What are some of the common names you hear there if you'd put them into your top five? Definitely a Steve. Oh, yeah. A lot of Steve's.

Steve's coming through. Do you think these are real names or stage names? You know, we can never be sure if they're telling us the truth. You probably not checking their credit card or ID or anything like that. We only check that at VIP. I plead the fifth on that. Okay, well, what about, and maybe we talked about this last year, but I don't remember. So who's the longest ten-year dancer of the four of you?

Cleo's raising her hand. What's the most common name that a new girl wants to take for her stage name? Oh, my goodness. Bubbles. Bubbles? Bubbles? Like the Power Puff girl? Bubbles, a cinnamon.

There's usually like a rock of some sort, like a jade or a luxury car. Yeah. Oh, luxury car, sure. Ladies. Usually brand newbies start with like, they're like, oh, I'm Gucci. I'm princess. I'm, and then about a year in, they'll change it and they'll be like, hi, nice to meet you. I'm Savannah. But yeah, there's quite a list of common. Has there ever been a stage name that you heard and you had to walk up to the gal and say, look, you might want to. You can't be brown swaggered. Yeah, right.

You don't want to be Silverado or something like that. Are you pointing over at Cherry? Yeah. There definitely is one, and I'm trying to remember. I know. I have met a felony. A felony? Kind of like that.

Ashley's related to a couple of them. So there's one you can't quite remember, Cherry, where you just thought, okay, this can't happen. Yeah, there's definitely been a couple. I've been, yeah, I met a felony. I did meet someone named Credit, which is honestly kind of fire, but also maybe choose a different one.

I have an awful name that I used when I worked in Texas because they wouldn't let me be BB gun. What did you go with? I was nicotine. And I would walk up to men and be like, hi, my name's nicotine. Do you need a fix? It did not get me very far.

It was shortened to Nikki. very quickly. Absolutely. Nick, I'm a genius. So does management have much to say about it? Like, in radio, like in the old days, they'd give you a name, right? Some places do. Like, I have been told at some, like, if I audition in some place,

because, like, Cherry Bomb doesn't sound real enough, which I kind of, it's the point. But I'll have to choose something else. Like, some clubs want you to have a more real sounding name, so when I couldn't be Cherry Bomb, I was Sabrina. Okay. Sorry, I forgot your last name of Bomb. Half-assed Morning Show 93X

Ah yeah we're getting it done here Live on the 93X Half-Affast Morning Show with the lovely and hilarious ladies of Rick's Cabaret Cherry Bomb Brooklyn BBGun and Cleo Please join us this Friday at our Toys for Tatas

Toy Drive at Rick's Cabaret Gentleman's Club starting at 6 a.m. You're only doing the right thing to help some kids in need. Bring a new unwrapped toy and get free admission and free buffet. Oh, Oh, God, there's a cash bar. Of course, we'll all be hanging around.

It's going to be a great party. Let me, this has been great so far, by the way. Thanks again, ladies. Yeah, I really appreciate it. We know this is not your regular hours of operation. I'm usually up. I'm just not moving. That's the way to do it.

Awake, but not moving much. It really always surprises me when I'm awake at, like, normal people, daytime hours. And I'm like, what is everybody doing right now? It's bedtime. Let me ask Brooklyn a question. We haven't heard enough. Brooklyn. Let me ask you this, Brooklyn. What do strippers want for Christmas? Benjamin's.

So it's kind of like the Christmas card you get from your grandmother, just some cash there in the... Exactly. That's fantastic. You got a little note in there? Anything else that a topless dancer would want for Christmas this year? Aside from monies? A new pair of pleasers. What are pleasers? Those are our shoes that we wear. Oh, okay. Those can get pricey, too.

Is that right? Look those up, yeah. They start at 90 and go up to about 300. Wow. The big high heels. Is it true there's a store that kind of sells perfect outfits for dancers? There are two in the Minneapolis area. Okay, I thought I heard of one for sure.

There's two of them. Venus and there's notoriously fitted. Yeah. Are you guys going to wear any holiday-themed gear? Heck yeah. Heck yeah? I think so. Would you consider doing any caroling?

if so, do you have any ideas for songs? You're setting me up. I am setting. You want me to do it? For something you did off the air. Do you want me to do it? Yes. Absolutely hilarious.

Off the air. God, okay. The girls started to sing Stripper Christmas carols. It's so perfect. Do you really want me to do it? Yes. Okay. So if we were to go caroling, right,

and we have like these cutesy little Santa bikinis and we're freezing our bedonks off. Yeah, we're freezing off our tattas. You know, we could just sing, ding rise your dong ding rise your dong ding rise your dong ding rise your dong

do do do do do do and you have another one too I have another one Jingle Bell's song Oh yeah Jingle balls Jingle balls

My do they hang low It's beautiful Who wouldn't leave their front door open to listen to that right I'd throw some Benjamin's your way if I had benjamins I'm cracking open the front door I'm pushing the kids

Kids, this is what the holidays are all about. Not the children. That's a frigging riot. That's a riot. Oh, man. A couple text messages have come in about Friday's event from a couple people who've never been. Like I said before, I think this is our 75th consecutive year of the Toys for Tata's Toy Drive at Rick's Cabaret. but a couple of rookies have texted in.

One wants to know, oh, I had it and I lost it. Oh, can professionals like yourselves, can you spot a first timer when they walk in the joint? Bye. Absolutely. We can smell it like a shark smelling blood in the water. Is there like a dead giveaway that you can think of right away? It is just honestly the full vibes. What's your dead giveaway, Brooklyn?

It's just the awkwardness. It's the eyes. Yeah. There's fear behind those eyes. So they came off in their text message that they're a little worried when they walk in as a first-timer that everyone's going to know and the girls are going to stomp their guts out. No, we're very nice. We don't bite. We all got our rabies shots.

We love first-timers. I do. I love newbies. But it's funny that you can sense it. You can smell it. You can smell it from across the room. I feel really bad that I said that, and then you're like, oh, yeah, he said he was really worried that the girls were going to be able to tell. Maybe he should be.

Yeah, you just lost a customer. He's not showing up. He'll be fine. I think he feels better just the fact that we're talking about it. He'll be fine. Yeah, he's fine. He can't see my face right now. He doesn't want to see your face, I can guarantee you.

I guarantee, yeah. How great or terrible was your first night working? Yeah, were you nervous? You guys seem so confident. He's nervous. So nervous. Very nervous. Absolutely terrified.

I've never been so nervous. Shaking. Shaking, even. Was there a moment where you're just like, okay, I got this? Yeah. My first night at the end of the night, I realized I had made almost $400. And I'm like, oh, yeah. You can handle that.

That'll loosen anybody. Yeah. Yeah, I walked out with a couple hundred, but it's still like the nerves of it and not knowing anything about the industry. It's a doggy dog world. Like, you have to learn for yourself unless you can find something. somebody to like take you under their wing you know cool yeah so you all had someone kind of help you out no not everybody no not everybody no but sometimes you got to go it alone you got to go it alone gosh you'd be you'd be a great i look like a first time or every time yeah yeah i'm pretty sure

last year i like walked up to you because i you just looked stressed and i think it was probably of the event. But I think I walked up to you and I was like, hey, oh my God, I don't think I've seen you around here before and you were like, you were in the studio four days ago. Josh was like, what are you talking about? That doesn't make any sense. I was going to say, I think, Josh, you'd be a great guide for a first timer

where you could take this person under your wing and say, you know, it's okay, don't be nervous, it's all fun, you know what I mean? I think you'd be a good mentor. I would do my best. Even though you still get a little nervous in there. Absolutely. The liquid courage is served at, what, 8 a.m.

Yeah. That's when the cheers start, right? The liquid courage. The liquid courage. One more question, and I know this is kind of touchy. We've got to get going. This is kind of a touchy question because we're dealing with asking a woman her age, in a sense. One listener texting in and said, does Rick's Cabaret have any women there in their 40s?

Yes. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. There you go. And they make bank. Yeah. Really? Oh, yeah.

That individual had also never been. So he wants to know. He says I'm a fan of the more seasoned women. Yeah, as you get older, that's how it goes, right? I'm not a 55-year-old dancer, yeah. Yeah, I-act. Last year I hung out with a older woman for almost like the whole entire time. A dancer?

Yeah. Yeah. Now, I'm curious what you think an older woman is. Well, like, he was, you know, older than me, older than 28? 40s? Yeah. Oh, so I'm old. Well, I'm, what did Cleo say, a 55-year-old dancer?

I'm almost 55. but no one wants to see me with my shirt off. Better strap those heels on, babe. What are you called? Pleasers? Awesome mental picture. Pleasers. Hey, maybe Brooklyn can teach you a couple moves.

She is the poll assassin. She did win that award. Oh, really? Wait a minute. Congratulations, Brooklyn. Cool. Hear about this. You won what, Brooklyn?

So I've won technically two poll competitions, and then I also got the Pole Assassin Award from Rick Skabry. That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. That's really cool. She is the best person I have ever seen on that stage, and she probably will be for the rest of my life.

Ask to see the Spatchcock. It's the coolest move. And if there's any person I've ever met in my life who I would consider to be a contortionist, it's Brooklyn. Oh, cool. We be doing all that stuff on the main stage then, run for it? Of course. That's great.

The Polarassan. I'm a little nervous to say that nickname out loud again, the Spatchcock. That's the name of the moon. We'll ask for it on Friday. You'll get it. We can't thank you ladies enough. Thank you, Cleo, BB Gunn, Brooklyn, Cherry Bomb.

We always have a ton of fun with you here in the studio, and we know we'll have fun on Friday. Any parting words from anybody? Yeah, this is BB, and I just want to say to my Uber driver who emailed into the show today to say hello, hi. So glad I made an impression. I don't know who you are, but, you know, maybe you'll come see me on tattas and we can have a real reunion. Now, keep in mind if it's like me, she won't recognize you until you say who you are.

We got a roll. Thank you, ladies. We'll keep talking about this all week long. Yeah, thanks again. Everybody drive safe today, please. There you go. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

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