93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Do Babies Fart?

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

Originally Aired February 12, 2026: Mailing your feces. Buzz balls. Everything you wanna know about evil winning in the end.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-assed morning show. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I didn't hear anything either. Whoops. Not a thing.

How long did we sit still? Like 15 minutes. Yeah. Six, seven minutes. Wow. Yeah, the segments about over. Handful of seconds. I had no idea.

We're just over here. Mining our own business. Not a clue. Well, I suppose we've got to get in there. The Thursday model of the 93X half-fast morning show. F me. You had to be there, right, Cubby? Yeah, you did.

It's just not the same if you weren't. All right. Love is on the way. And I know what some of you are saying, what do you want to start trouble by quoting Saigon Kick at 540 in the morning? No, I'm not talking about the song. Love is on the way by Saigon Kick. 1992, I think it was, Josh.

That was just my way of saying that Valentine's Day is this weekend, and I can't help it. I'm buried over here in articles on Valentine's Day, things like the cost of your average Valentine's Day date and things like that. It's unavoidable. It's a big deal for some people. We're going to have to talk about it. Valentine's Day for some people, oh, yeah, they're up against it, yeah.

It can be a trap where some people might say, No, no, no, no, don't make a big deal out of it. I'm not a Valentine's Day person. And then if someone doesn't recognize it, that might be some trouble for you. That's the worst. Yeah, I'll just straight up admit that I love Valentine's Day. What's good? Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it.

That's awesome. If you do, you should. They got me. What is it? Commercialism or whatever? People say it's like a hallmark holiday? Yeah, they got me. They got me hooked.

So you're the type that keeps this ball rolling. Yeah, yeah. There is actually a study done where it says almost everybody believes it's like a, as you called it, a Hallmark holiday. Like 82% of Americans say it's just to spend more money on stuff. I like it. When you're balancing new relationships at times, deciding exactly how much effort you put into it,

you don't want to do too much. It looks like a psychopath if you've been together just a little bit of time. That's always so awkward. If you start dating at the beginning of the year and all of a sudden a month in, it's Valentine's Day, that's a tough stretch to it. It's a pressure cooker. Have you ever made that mistake, Josh, where you fell in love?

And you got her a car or something after? I proposed to her on the Eiffel Tower. I didn't know what else to do. I panicked. I only had like a week to plan. You fall in love very easily. I actually don't. I mean, I enjoy people quickly.

Don't you contradict me? I really don't fall in love very easily. But I do give people maybe more chances than they deserve. I'll say this. I ignore red flags that I see longer than I should, if that makes sense. So have you had that moment where you were dating a girl and you went a little too crazy? Not really, no. I under did it one year trying to be funny.

I bought a girlfriend a case of oil. You know, I thought, I'm going to give you a practical gift. We can change your oil like an activity together. And she didn't find it funny at all. I got her a gift card, too, to her favorite store. But I thought she'd see that I was joking around and it did not go over well at all. I would love a case of oil. Every guy on planet Earth would dig a case of oil.

I have to say, Josh, knowing you as long as I have, you did go through a couple girlfriends who weren't exactly known for their personality and sense of humor. No, that's true. And one of them, probably the one you're picturing is the one. She didn't get the joke. No, not at all. We were in front of a lot of people,

and plenty of people got the joke. She did it, and she was embarrassed that I, like, I disrespected her. in front of friends. I thought you'd think that was funny. A couple of them were kind of stiff. A little bit, yeah. $189 is the answer for the average cost of a Valentine's

Day date in the year 20 and 26. 100, and then you add on $89. Oh, I wouldn't mind moving the decimal point one over in $18.9. 18.9. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

That's usually around the price of dinner. That'll come to $18.90. please, sir. That'd be nice, wouldn't it? After the date is over? That's much more of my budget right now. Hell, I got two tens on me. That ought to cover it. A little tip for you, a little extra something on top for you there. Thank you for your service. Can I be very clear when I was joking around? I said I proposed to this woman on the Eiffel Tower, not during an Eiffel Tower. Oh, there's some confusion in the brother and sisterhood. If you got married to somebody you proposed to her an Eiffel Tower and had kids someday and they asked, oh, Dad, how did you ask Mom to marry you? Well,

What if the guy said yes, thinking I'm talking to him? Then I got to marry him. I can't be rude and pretend that I wasn't asking him. $189. We were gifted a very nice gift card to one of our favorite hotspots in Egan, my wife and I. So we're going to do that for Valentine's Day. They got a little thing going on. A hot spot.

Yeah, we've never really done too much. She's not into it. I mean, certainly, you know, like kind of your traditional. go out to dinner flowers type thing. Maybe a gift or two. But nothing too over the top. Yeah, you're not going to go too crazy. You're an old man now.

You're an old couple. Yeah, we've been together for long enough. She knows how I feel. Don't hurt yourself. Plus, you know, you've got to set the bar low from the beginning. That's the other strategy. That's key. Otherwise, they're going to expect something great every year if you start too sweet.

Right. You know, here's the thing. I know if I asked you out on a Valentine's Day date, let's say you were able to let's say you're able to shake the wife Saturday send her off with her girlfriends or something if you and I went out on a Valentine's Day date I know I'm getting laid

Oh God, yeah, baby We could skip dinner We'd just be in the parking lot Yeah You're so easy, Josh We'd make a freaking disgusting scene in the parking lot He's right You're loud

You're very loud I'm a loud lover Just disgusting. People would be confused. They're like, well, it kind of seems like they're having sex, but the guy's got his shirt on and people don't have sex with a shirt. Josh wouldn't even take his shirt off. Nope.

His feet are hanging out of the window? He's still got his shoes on? Smoking meats and clapping cheeks. Jesus wants to know if the hot spot is Trail Stop. Now, that is a hot. I was just there for my oldest birthday. If you want a cougar and a great meal, Trail Stop. Oh, really?

No, we're going to Insari's. We love that. Oh, yeah. You guys talk about that. Or you talk about that place all the time. 180. What else do you need to know here? Because we might as well blow through this crap.

Like I said, it's just stacking up. Everybody wants to talk about Valentine's Day. Oh, John Deere Jesus said that he and his wife, or he says lady, they get heart-shaped pizzas from Papa Murphy's. That was a tradition for us with the kids growing up. Yeah, I've done that a lot. That's fun. I think we were just talking about that this week.

Yeah, the arcade that I go to. Updown, they do that on Valentine's Day. It's fun. It was like, what? I don't know. Whatever. I prefer to eat, like, I guess, nicer food. Like, different, more like a steak dinner type of meal on Valentine's.

That got really violent, Dana. Sorry, Dana. And also, I'm not, I've told you guys this. I'm not, like, the biggest fan of pizza. I put, like, a million other things on it. I hate pizza. What do you really? Of course not.

Oh, I was going to say. Wow. What do you call her? A boozy bitch. A boozy bitch. I mean, boozy, I thought, well, that's funny because that's a word she used. She threw bitch on there, and that kind of punched me in the gut. Yeah, I went for it there.

Once it's all said and done, $29.1 billion. Oh, my goodness. Will be spent on Valentine's Day? That's wild. Come on. There's a stretch of my life where I spent about five to six consecutive Valentine's Days in the romantic capital of the day. the Upper Midwest, Des Moines, Iowa.

You did what now? We would go to Des Moines, Iowa, every Valentine's Day for a good stretch of years, me and my ex. Why is that? Before, I just mentioned Updown. They do the heart-shaped pizza. It's a classic vintage arcade. The original one was in Des Moines, Iowa, before they had one in Minneapolis. And we loved going there so much that we would go there every Valentine's Day.

And they got so many cool bars in that town. If you've never been to the Miller High Life Lounge in Des Moines, Iowa, that's a top 10 bar. I've never been to Des Moines. I've got family from there. It's surprisingly a fun city. Yeah, I try to steer clear with the I Norwegians. I was not a fan at the beginning when you just said the Des Moines, Iowa, but that does sound fun. Yeah, the Miller High Life Lounge, I'm telling you, that one is, you walk in there, you're walking into a bar from 1974.

Cool. It is all vintage, you know, everything. It's very fun. They serve beer there at the Miller High Life Lounge? No, no, just non-alcoholic and soda. That's a bummer. What? Yeah.

The name's very deceiving. It is deceiving. I'd expect I could get a Miller High Life. No, no, no, no, no. Bison in the basement, Jesus said his girlfriend, now domicile cohabitator, is a horrible organizer when it comes to important papers. He said he finally got sick of it to the point. He bought her a file cabinet for her birthday.

That didn't go over well, just like my case of oil, but he says we still use that file cabinet. Look at that. Can I tell you something? Go ahead. We changed her oil with some of that oil for a few different, oil changes. Did you? So we definitely got our money's worth there. I'm just impressed you know how to do that.

Change oil? Yeah. Nowadays, I don't know if I, it's, cars are too complicated. Sure. Some people even buy Valentine's Day gifts for their coworkers. Oh. That doesn't mean I'm putting the pressure on anybody for. That means brownies or something. I was just trying to add something to the con.

Some folks even buy Valentine's Day gifts for their coworkers. What did you say, Josh? I've done that before. Sure. Like just treats and stuff? Treats. Yeah. I don't like the word treats. I don't know why I use it. I love that word.

Do you really? My dog enjoys it. Yeah. Now, and then I was reading about Valentine's Day dinner reservation scalpers. This is all brand new to me. This is funny. What? I'm going to try my best here, Ashley, because I don't understand.

So what do I do here? I call a restaurant, usually a high-end joint. joint that you know is going to be popular come Valentine's Day for suckers who have to blow the doors off for their significant others, right? Because we just discussed. There's plenty of people out there who love it, take it very seriously. Ashley's one of them. So I'm the scumbag. This is how I understand it. I call the fancy schmancy restaurant in town. I say I need a table for two. And they say, sure, what's your name, Donnie? And then I go online and I post on social media, hey, I've got a for two at the fancy schmancy joint.

If anybody wants it, they give me $5,000. That's the way I understand it. Am I close? Oh, that's so bogus. That's essentially, yeah, after the first of the year, once Valentine's Day reservations open up, so I mean, you can do it online now, too. You can make a bunch of them do a bunch of different spots.

And then for the guys who are now scrambling right now and are desperate, they're willing to, you know, give you some money in exchange for that reservation. Right. So a sucker like Dana goes. online. He's desperate. About a week and a half ago, I tried to make reservations for tomorrow night, like for a Valentine's Day thing, kind of for the family.

And that was odd times. I mean, you could get in at four or nine. Right. So people had already... Trying to get ahead of Valentine's Day thinking we'll go Friday night. So I was even too late on that. Oh, that sucks. I always do that. The times that I've been out to nicer

restaurants on Valentine's Day, I will make, like, multiple reservations. because I'm thinking, okay, well, then I'll let them choose, like, where we should go. I just want to make sure we have a spot. And so I don't make people pay for them. I'll just cancel them through the app. And then, I don't know, maybe some lucky son of a bitch that completely forgot to make a reservation is like, oh, hey, there's one left. So it's like you're doing something nice for someone.

Yeah, I hope so. I hope those spots get taken. I imagine they do. Oh, I'm sure they do. I'd never heard of this, little scam. So, you know, you can find dinner reservations that are up for bid on Craigslist, Reddit. I've heard of those two joints, but there's another something or another out there called appointment trader. What a scandal.

What a... I'd feel pretty guilty doing that. Yeah, it's bogus. Maybe I'm stupid for that, but... And this doesn't cover your deal. dinner, just in case folks are confused, this doesn't cover your dinner, this just gets you that table. Get you in the door.

At the fancy schmancy joints or your date or your wife or whoever will be impressed. That would be the best meal I've ever had. Right now, there's some scumbag sitting on 10, 12 reservations waiting for all that money to come in from those last minute people who are desperate. It is kind of funny, but I would never do it, obviously. You know, with one real exception, I've never liked fancy restaurants. I mean, one, I get uncomfortable. But also, you know, it certainly take away the expense, stuff like that.

I've never, the food is never as satisfying as it is at a regular place for me. I agree with you. The portions are always way smaller, too. And I always have imposter syndrome. If I'm not at a fancy restaurant, I kind of look around like, I don't belong here. I'm trash. Yeah, I should put more than a hoodie on, I think. Right.

And then, like, there's things on the menu that I can. can pronounce sometimes, so I just kind of have to point, like, I'll take that rather than embarrass myself trying to, you know, pronounce some type of food that I've never heard of before. It doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant. For me personally, it doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant for me to not be able to pronounce them. We went to Green Mill the other day, and my son's like, hey, how do you pronounce this? And I had no idea. Pepperoni. It was some sort of like pasta something. And I couldn't. So I just said, well, just point to it. Yeah. Yeah. Point to that. And he'll be.

He'll figure it out. He'll know. It on purpose. I don't know anybody who feels 100% confident and comfortable at a fancy, fancy, fancy, schmancy type. You know what I'm? You know who does? Who's that? Our boss is a bit of, you know, you could use the word foodie.

Oh, my goodness, yes. Well, he's like a high maintenance, high roller type of a guy. It's kind of embarrassing. I grew up here. I grew up. I lived in Minneapolis 24 years, my first 24 years of life. And he's been here, what, 10 years maybe a little more? Sounds right.

No clue. And I have to ask him for restaurants. Like if I want to take my family or my wife someplace nice, like, hey, what's a cool spot to go or something different? And, you know, we're the same age. I've lived here my entire life, and I don't know anything about anything outside of places that have their names on the napkins.

Josh, you should go out on a date with my husband. He can help you. Oh, is he pretty good at that stuff? Yeah, I mean, well, he sells meat to restaurants all over Minneapolis, and a lot of them are higher end, so he can hook you up. and he can teach you some things. You ever been at one of those restaurants where they sing to you?

I'm not talking about the... Hang on. Well, maybe you do know. I'm not talking about the ninth grade kids who come over and scream some crackhead birthday song to you. I'm talking about operatic singing. Yeah. Well, I don't know operatic, but it was at a German restaurant, and they would sing. They were singing like happy songs about yag bombs?

or I'm talking about, oh, no, geez, I don't know about that. With like a Panera midday guy with an acoustic guitar, or not Panera, a pot belly sandwich, the guys in the corner with an acoustic guitar. I'm talking about, I was at a joint once where a guy, his only gig at the restaurant, was to go table to table and sing acapella love songs. Then you guys sit there and awkwardly look at him and listen and nod along, like, oh, this is great. I'm not uncomfortable whatsoever. Every single table tried their.

best. We were at a place for that a mariachi band. That was kind of cool and they just walked around. Yeah, I like that. That's fun. Yeah, the guy sang is nuts off for you. Beautiful, beautiful love songs in a different language. Was he taking requests?

Even if I made one, I don't think we spoke the same dialect. Do you guys ever? They had a piano player that was singing if that counts. Yeah, that's probably closest to what I'm talking about. Have you ever been at a restaurant and they have like a magician walking around? No.

No? Are you sure that was sanctioned? Yeah, I swear. Look, I just made your wallet disappear. I don't think I've ever seen a magician. Yeah, when I worked at Red Lobster, there was somebody that was doing that. I'm not really sure how that got set up. And then my husband even has a story about him and his family were at some restaurant and there was a magician walking around or like a psychic, something like that.

probably the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen at a restaurant, even more uncomfortable than the Italian singer. Now that I'm thinking back, I think he was an Italian gentleman. And beautiful singer. I don't know what he was saying, but it sounded very romantic and special. Even more uncomfortable than that was just this past Christmas. My wife and I went to a little cafe and Santa Claus walks in the joint. did I mention it was a couple days before Christmas?

No, but that makes sense. Oh, maybe I just thought you did. I don't remember now, and it was only 20 seconds ago. That happens to me. A couple days before Christmas were at this tiny little cafe. There's probably only 10, 12 tables in the joint. And Santa Claus walks in. And this man was a professional Santa Claus.

It wasn't just some jabroney, you know, who had too much to drink. And the cafe hired him to come by and. add a little Christmas spirit. The place was Santa Claus had the same script for everybody. He's a professional. So we had a few jokes about reindeer and what else does Santa Claus talk about? Rooftops, right? Rufftops and reindeer.

He had the same jokes, the same script for every table. But the place was so small, I heard it six times before he got to our table. To dump the routine on us. I felt very bad for the guy because I don't think he knew he was walking into such a small joint and that everyone would... You should start whispering. 80s made me, 90s, raised me, she's,

said the restaurant she used to work at had a guy walking around making balloon animals during brunch. I've seen that before when I was a kid. I would love that. I was at a place where they had like a band. They served pizza. They had a band. It was all like mechanical. Have you seen that before?

Sounds familiar. Oh, like Chucky Cheese back in the day? Chuckie Cheese. That's what it was. The Rockafire Explosion. Yeah, I was kidding, of course. Okay. Everybody knows Chucky Cheese in the Chucky Cheese Band.

Although, did they still have that? I don't think so. No. The last time I was there, they didn't. But they still had, like, that huge cash machine or not. It's a ticket machine or whatever that you stand in and it goes flying everywhere. Oh, like those tornadoes, whatever they call those? Yeah.

Do you guys ever do that? No. Oh, I always wanted to. Doing what? When you step into that big machine at like Chuck. cheese and they have the tickets flying all around. No. Ticket to the taint or something.

That sounds dangerous. I always thought, like, oh, you just, like, hold your shirt open. Here's a listener. Yeah, it's the same strategy you have it, Mardi Gras. Here's a listener in our out there Summers who texted in to say he was once at a restaurant where a little miniature train delivered his food. Oh, my gosh, I've seen that kind of stuff on Instagram Reels, and that looks so cool. I want something awesome to deliver my food.

Okay, I got you then. I'm not a sushi fan. Oh, darn it. A friend of my, or some friends of mine, I should say, for whatever reason, whenever we go out, they know I don't like sushi, but we still go and get sushi. Maybe they're trying to tell me they don't want to hang out with me. Rude. But one of the places we went to is in Roseville, and I'm sure somebody can help me.

You've probably heard of it. They had robots that brought your food. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. I went to a Chinese restaurant once, and they had that. That was cool. I mean, what I ordered, you know, not sushi and then a regular human being brought it out. I remember you telling us about the robots? I barely paid any attention to anything anyone was talking about.

I was watching these robots run around, and I couldn't believe people were acting like this was no big deal. They have eyes and they blink at you, and they're just adorable. Do they talk? I don't remember them talking, no. That'd be so cool. Yeah. Hi. Hi, Robot.

Happy birthday, Pauley. 651, 989, 93. Please help me with that. I know people are going to be aware of what this is. You went to a joint with robots. Robots. Just kind of scooting around. It was really, really cool.

That's totally up your route. That's totally your vibe. So real quick, back to this Valentine's Day dinner reservation scalper conversation. Again, scumbags buy up all the tables to the high-end joints, and then they go online and sell. that reservation for millions of dollars and a lot of lives have been lost. Relationships ruined. It says here that certain big cities are trying to crack down on this.

Restaurants, fancy restaurants in big cities are trying to crack down on this, make it illegal, get rid of some of this crap. So poor suckers, last-minute dinner reservation people aren't ending up on Skid Row with a meth addiction. I could see like doing this in New York being very lucrative, lucrative business. Yeah, I'm sure there's some big cities. Definitely. There's some people that would pay a lot of money, too.

Thank you to the brother and sisterhood, Kyoto in Roseville. We've got one of those in Egan. Last time I was there, it didn't have the robots. Yeah, thank you. That's exactly what it was. You didn't know. When you walked in the joint, you had no idea you'd be surrounded by robots. No clue.

I'd go back there. I'm sure their sushi is wonderful. it was packed. I'd imagine it's very good, but I'd certainly go back there just for the robots. You're just sitting like in the front watching the robots for hours. And like I said, it was frustrating that nobody else thought it was super cool. That's so cool. That is so cool, dude. I would have been geeked out with you, Josh. Have you guys ever had to pay, like put money down for a reservation? Not to my memory. No.

Yeah. Where if you, then if you don't cancel or if you have to cancel and you don't do it within like a day they keep the money. Yeah. And so, and this, there's, I've only done that once and it's not like a fancy restaurant. It's kind of a normal place. Really? Yeah, lame. And I think they just got canceled on so much. They decided we can't, we can't do this because it's popular, but it's, you know, kind of more a normal place.

A lot of people do that, though, where they make multiple reservations and like, I'll decide day of where I want to go. Like Ashley? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do that. And then that screws restaurants over. I did. No, I think they're usually fine. I mean, everybody wants a last minute resolution. Oh, no, I know people that work in the restaurant industry and own restaurants.

They absolutely hate that. I never cared when I did. I'm a boozy bitch. I said, now I get a work less. But Josh, shoot, I forgot what I was going to say now. What the hell were you trying to say? What were you saying? Talk about robots.

Robots. Talked about putting money down on a... Oh, yeah. The only time I've ever had to do that was when I went to like a nice restaurant in Washington, D.C. And I was like, what? I was like, I don't want to put down money for this reservation. I don't have a lot of experience with reservations. But I can tell you, the best treatment I ever had at a restaurant, bar restaurant,

it was all a mistake, but it was glorious. And it happened to me two or three times before they caught on to what they were doing wrong. And when I say they, I mean the folks who run the bar restaurant. For a brief period of time, there was a guy in my hometown who spelled, his last name, exact same as mine, and he was some mega high roller, big shot billionaire type of a cat, right? And he was kind of the talk of the town for one summer. Hey, have you heard about this guy? New high roller in town, right?

We have the same last name, he and I. Well, this popular bar restaurant joint in my hometown took reservations. it got very popular for a stretch of time to where they took reservations. So I would call and make them. Yeah, I'd like a table at 7 o'clock. When I walked in, they thought I was the rich guy because we had the same name. Treating you and ice? I didn't.

I thought it was a joke. I mean, usually when you walked into this joint, even if you had a reservation, you know, totally normal. One eighth grade kid would say, can I help you? And I got a reservation for, and they'd walk into their table. when they were thinking I was the rich guy, the whole staff was meeting me at the podium, the front podium. Did you realize right away what was going on? No. And then they seated me and I'm thinking, wow, this place has changed a lot.

Every 10 minutes, someone's coming over different members of the staff to make sure my meal is okay, to make sure that I have the right game on the television in front of me, to ask me how I'm doing, to ask me how I'm enjoying my meal. And again, this happened two or three times until somebody, I think it was one of my drinking pals said, oh, they think you're that other born dude. It was incredible. It was a wonderful little thing. But what was funny was the first time I walked in when they realized I wasn't the guy, how brutal an awakening that was.

At least you got to live like him for a little bit. I did. I got to live like a billionaire for a, yeah, for four nights. Yeah, go stand back by the dumps for we'll bring out your cheeseburger. Yeah. I had a similar experience, but this was at a shoe store. And I was actually, I needed some dressier shoes for Randy Shaver's gala, right? And so he kind of dressed up a little bit for that for his cancer research fun.

Did you buy them really oversized just like your suit? Well, about half an inch too. They're half an inch too long because my feet are full figure. I have hefty feet. And so to get, to make it fit the width, I have to have a little longer. You went and bought some pretty shoes. Yeah, so, I mean, it was at like a kind of a normal store, but just some nicer shoes there. I mean, it's the same place you get your tennis shoes.

But so I walked in and I kind of go over there and all of a sudden I'm being helped like crazy. I'm like, my gosh, the customer service here is incredible. And I got to the front. You look down someone sucking on your toes. Wow. I got to the front and the manager's like, hey, I just got to say, we thought you were here to shoplift. So that's why they were all over. And I, because I do this with any, I really.

You? Yes, and I'll tell you why. Come on. I hate shopping. I hate it. So I try and get down as fast as possible. And so like I'll just walk. I'll like on the way in, I hope to see what I need and I'll walk straight toward it and grab it.

And that's what I did is I saw like, okay, right there, that looks good. So I walked over and I just kind of looked and tried a couple on. And they thought, oh, this guy's going to shoplift. He had a plan to come in here and steal. Like you had a case the place before? Yeah. And the manager told me, she was kind of laughing about it. And I was thinking, I was so.

disappointed. I thought, wow, these people really wanted to make sure I had a good experience. But instead they wanted to save themselves from some dork walking out with a pair of shoes that were, I think, $40. Yeah, I was going to say some $40 clearing shoes. Little do they know that you're the last person that would ever

steal. I'm a one and done on that. Some of the shit, that joint you were at, some of the shoes I bet in there sucked. Oh, plenty. But I bet some of them ruled. Some didn't. All I wanted were some shoes. That's it. Cheers.

That's all you've ever wanted. All right. There you go. Hey, brace yourselves for some more of those Dave Chappelle concert tickets later. Do you want to give away what time we're planning on doing this? I don't know how this stuff works anymore. Yeah, that's a good idea. 7.30, right at the start of Shaver.

Appreciate that. They've released some limited tickets so you can get tickets. I mean, this thing's sold out immediately, but they held a few back. So for folks that maybe didn't hear it right away, so you can buy them or today and tomorrow, right? I think probably tomorrow at 7.30 too. Yep, tomorrow at 7.30 as well.

As well, yep. We're looking to give away some more of those Davy Chappelle concert tickets come 730. He's a popular guy. Yeah, that's going to be great. This is a one-off show. Usually when he comes to town, he does. I mean, hell, he's been to First Avenue and done like two weeks straight of his show every night. This is just one and done, so it's going to be a big one.

Hey, baby. That'll be great. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder will come and hang out a little bit later. We'll take a break. Come back with the stupid news here on the Half-Ast morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. You all right over there, Kubski? Just trying to get some coughs out here. You guys are struggling. My poor guy, Cubby over there, was bent all the way over at the, at the, waste. Yeah, I try and hide it as much as possible. Coughing on his feet. It looked like the flight attendants just told

him to get into the crash position. I've heard it referred to as the American taxpayer position. Bent over as far as I could. Does that make it on the air, by the way? I have my mic off and I just duck underneath this counter to see if it doesn't make it. We weren't quite live yet, I think.

No, yeah. I've been doing it a lot. You haven't heard it? No. Good. It's good. All right, we were having such a grown folks conversation about love and whatnot a few minutes ago. Love! I love love. With Valentine's Day a couple days away, we were having this grown-up conversation about love, our feelings. This is going to be a hard right-hand turn here, because I got to warn you, this is gross. Unsettling where we're going with our first stupid news story here.

It's nothing brand new, I don't think. I think most folks probably have heard of this before. It's nothing brand new, but advances are always being made, especially with important inventions like this year. It's a gadget that you throw down into your underwear's. And here's how it works. first you pull your your dirty drawers up over your little bottom right and then you drop this gadget into the back by your ass cheeks are you following this yep so far and then

actually when you fart into uh these into your underwear little gadget will read your gas and tell you how your guts are doing overall. You know, gut health is very important. You hear more and more about that. Yeah, they've been bothering us about it. I don't know if I'm buying it, but they've been bothering us a lot about that. You do hear it quite a bit now. Ashley, can you say the F word now that you have a child?

To him, yes. You still have trouble saying it? Yeah. In front of you guys, yeah. In front of us? Yeah. Does it bother you as much just to hear it? Because before you'd basically want to leave the studio of somebody.

Not as much. No, not at all. But I guess, like, I can say burp, no issue now. That's pretty big for me. I guess this is a dumb question because I've never had any kids, but do babies fart? Like all the time. Oh, really? Yeah. That's hilarious.

Okay. I'll be honest, though. I think it's funny now. It's hilarious. You've seen the light, Ashley. I've seen the light. Because we're just, you know, vibe in there. He's just, like, chew it on something and going about our business,

and then he'll just let one go. I'm like, oh. Today's show is young, but do babies fart sounds like a good podcast title. I like it. That's perfect. One less thing for us to do after the show. It's disgusting. So again, you drop this little gadget into the back of your underwear's.

And when you fart, it will measure how your guts are doing overall. I was correct in assuming that you guys have heard of things like this before, right? Yeah, around, I think it was always around Christmas, and maybe it still happens, but we would have an advertiser that would talk about that charcoal underpants or something you'd put in your underwear to kind of mask how odiferous things could be after like a Thanksgiving meal or something. It had like a funny name, too. I can't remember, but... Let me try and give you some more gory details on this nonsense.

Let me come on. Personally speaking, unless I was violently ill, there's no way, as a grown person, that I'm going to leave the house wearing a gadget in my drawers that are going to taste my farts for me while I walk around a record shop or whatever I'm... There's no way, unless I'm on death's door,

there's no way I'm going along with this. How big? Unless it was doctor's orders. Yeah, I don't think I could. Poopfoot Jesus said he'd clog that thing. He's got parts that can clog stuff. Dude. No, stop.

You know, this is very bizarre. I can't imagine wearing a device like this. But I have been interested in those toilet technologies that can analyze your poopies and your peepees and tell you if everything's going okay. You have an interest in such a thing? Yeah. And where it just sends a note to your doctor going, boy, you better get him in here quick because there's some trouble. Like measures your hydration. You're thinking of spending some of your hard-earned money on a toilet?

I don't think I'd ever spend the money on it. A smart toilet. Yeah, if somebody gifted me it, I would use it. Yeah, you know, as long as you, you know, your doctor calls you and says, get in here, fast, take an ambulance ride here. Yeah, that could be useful. What if you don't send it up right? And it actually sends it to, like, your best friend or something, the pictures. You know, he deserves it with what he sent me.

Oh, that's a good point. Hot cocoa, Jesus said, just get a litter box. That's a good idea. We can check it out right there. Stop. Just squatting over. Ah, the fart muffler, the shredder Jesus said. That sounds right of the device I was talking about that we advertise around Christmas.

So researchers behind this nightmare, because I've got more here for you, researchers say that we, human beings, we fart more than we think we do. So F-me-running scientists came up with this wearable sensor that clips onto your gross undies, and it monitors your gut bacteria and all kinds of unspeakable, disgusting details about what's living inside your can. I don't know the size of it. I mean, if it clips onto your drawers, it must not be anything too bulky. Oh, by the way, Josh, the little sensor will wear. for up to a week on a single battery. Oh, that's great.

So it's, what's the word? It saves you money. It's like, like, environmentally friendly. Economical. Oh, okay, gotcha. It's economical. How embarrassing would that be if you're like, well, I can't go out yet. I'm finishing the charge on my fart sensor, just sitting on my nightstand or something.

Let me tell you, I hope that gadget does stay clipped to my drawers, because if that thing falls off and then stabs me in the back, of the bag as I'm getting in my pickup, I'm going to be furious. It says here 38 people were held down and forced to get involved in studying this new invention. They were able to pin down, strap down 38 people. They say it was very accurate in analyzing these people's farts. It found out through the participants who were bullied into taking part in the research, it found out we fart on average.

Who wants to guess? How many times a day? Who wants to guess? 20. Go ahead, Ashley. 15? 32. Jeez. What? I'm going to start counting, you know. I don't see how close I can get.

How many times do you leave the studio, Ashley, during a morning show? I'd say five or six. Yeah, I'd say most commercial breaks. You usually go to the bathroom and get some water or something. All right, so we'll say six. So Nick's for sure at like 12 to 15 before 9 a.m. Word. Oh, I wasn't considering before the show.

You come in later than he does. She used to. We're about 20. I think I'm the latest guy. Anyway. Oh, is that right now? Ashley's here before you? Yeah, I usually go to the restroom when I first got here.

Nick thought you did drugs. No, if that's the first thing I do when I go to the bathroom, I got to get things heated up. You leave for a long stretch of time when you first get here. I assume you were doing illegal drugs. So we fart 32 times on average. That's what we do. But there were some wild numbers on a couple of these people, again, who were forced into participating in this study.

Some poor bastard wearing that fart sensor cut loose with 59 in one day. Wow. I feel more sorry for his coworkers or her coworkers. It sounded like the drum intro to Hot for Teacher. What do you got going on? 59 times a day. That's somebody that needs that sensor, needs to get things figured out. So anyway, if you're really curious about the different types of bacteria and whatnot that's crawling around in your anus,

you've got to go ahead and get one of these fart sensors, fart transducers, I don't know what to call it. Fart probe, maybe is the best way to put it. Probe is good. The electric eye. Legs for days, she just said, this would go along well with. an invention an old co-worker thought of. I can't say much about it, she said, because I don't want anyone else stealing our idea,

but I can tell you it has something to do with a jelly bean, your poop shoot, and smelling good when farting. Also, thermal cameras, which can catch fart as well. Oh, my God. Have you seen some of those YouTube videos where they throw like a thermal camel, a camel camera on and, like just go out to a park and see who's farting on a park?

No, that's hilarious. I heard they're fake. I was so disappointed. But it's funny nonetheless, though. What? Yeah, I was enthralled. I'm like, oh, even her? Yeah, she Graham over there? This is a huge cloud around her. Although the worst farter I was ever around was a female friend. I don't like to hear that story.

Oh, it's bad. I mean, you'd be outside and she could clear a park. Why did you hang out with this person? She was wonderful to be around hilarious. That, I mean, awful. She doesn't sound wonderful. She doesn't sound healthy, Ashley, is what it is. By the way, this crackpot, what happened? I'm just laughing at Josh

Josh's friend still. I don't know what I'm going on about. Reeled back in his chair and cupped his hands together. I did. Like a great grandmother watching their great grandchild score their first goal in hockey. That's what happened. Yeah.

You kind of went, what did you see on your text machine? Smile like a donut for me, Jesus said. He calls his girlfriend's pillow his fart muffler. Eo. What's wrong with you? How would you respond to Ashley? See, you found out your husband's been muffling his farts in your pillow.

Dude, divorce. Are you trying to give you pink eye? What are you doing? Yeah, pinworms? Is that the other one? Heck, no. I would be so live. I'd be so done.

I would leave somebody. Yeah. Oh, I think you'd kill somebody. I couldn't trust him anymore. In a heartbeat. This scientific team that came up with this psychotic idea. It says here they will also come over and collect a stool sample from you if you've got a fresh one. laying around in the fridge or whatever.

They help you? They are committed to helping use out however possible with your gut issues. They're very committed to this. They're very serious about this. I think I actually made a little note on my calendar. I think I'm going to start doing that coliagard in between the colonoscopies, which obviously is very important. We got a story about that coming up.

What is that? Yeah, I don't know if you heard about that yet. You poop in a box. Step one is you open the box. Oh, I've seen commercials for this. And then you poop in the box and you mail it to some poor bastard who has to study it for you. Are you really, you're very concerned about your gut health. Well, the first time I went, I had some polyps.

Dude, that's what the proctologist said. Loser. That's hilarious. That could be cancer. I love it when you talk about your polyps. Yeah, so I had to go three years, right? Instead of five. And in my third year, everything was good.

So he's like, all right, you can go back to five. But I thought in between, why not? Just poop in a box. You're really serious about that? Yeah, every May. I'll let you guys know. Every May? Every May.

I'm going to give you a heads up. Why is it May? Because that's when I had my colonoscopy. Oh. My brother actually got pissed at me. He got pissed at my polyps because. Why does he not find them funny like the rest of us do? Well, I think he found it quite hilarious until they told them, you know, when you fill out that form,

they say anybody find anything up there. And he said, yeah, my brother had some polyps. You know, they laughed, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And said, well, you're going to have to come in here in three years, too, dude. Oh, no. And he was mad at me about it. Not so funny now, huh, buddy.

Yeah, it wasn't funny. I was picturing the logistics of pooping in a box. You just set it on top of the toilet seats? Just squat. Boy, I don't know. Just squat. I'm sure they have instructions. They ask you to have someone hold it for you.

Nah, just. You don't put it on a few. You have someone who gets in the catcher's position. Uh-huh. They squat and they hold that open for you. They send somebody for you. No, it has to be a family member. How'd your brother get pink eye?

He caught my number two in a box. And you really got to love somebody. Well, yeah, tell us if you really go through with this, Josh, because that's ridiculous and disgusting. I'll do it here. Yeah, it is disgusting. It's demoralizing, but I'd like to catch it early if I have something. Here's a UPS driver that says we pick up those drop and drop off those boxes all the

they call them s boxes yeah do it in studio and then we'll post it 93x.com the video i don't think that's illegal I'd imagine there's all kinds of technology to make it less gross I never thought about the UPS driver having to bring that over there yeah why didn't I think that far ahead you'd want to use gloves on that day maybe now I can't do it oh josh hand delivers it's got to go to Washington DC or something yeah you could have put this in the box before you hand delivered here's a guy that says don't poop in the box because if they find anything abnormal and your next routine colonoscopy is out of your wallet, son. Really?

I had no idea. No way. What would Brad Pitt say if he saw that box? Oh, God. I don't want to. Do you have the energy for it? Yeah, I think I do. What's a push pop?

Close. What's a push pop? Very close. What would you rather see in that box? What Brad Pitt saw in the movie seven or Josh's turds? Who are you talking to? Is anybody in general? The severed head or the?

A sever head all day. You'd rather see your loved one severed head. I don't think that's much of a difficult question to answer. And I'm kind of offended you wouldn't want to see what I can make. I made it for you. Stop. All right. Happy Valentine's Day, buddy.

We got another one of these here while we're on the topic of frigging feces. We got another one of these where the toilet stop working on the airplane and human feces ends up rolling down. the aisles like an evil slinky. And of course there's video. Some kind of Philippine airplane ride went to hell. Way up in the sky, don't you know? They were going from Los Angeles, California to the Philippines.

I wouldn't know, but that sounds like a poke to me. Oh, oh, it says right here, 15-hour plane ride. That's wild. We were just talking to our boss. He's got a fiancé who is from London. and we were asking about the flight to that. It was eight hours, I think he said. They were acting like that was nothing.

I think I'd be miserable on an eight-hour flight. Maybe it goes by faster than you think. First time... Yeah, I've done it once. It's miserable, Josh. First time I met our boss, I think I said to Josh, he looks like the type of guy that's going to have to go all the way to England to get laid. And I was right. You nailed it.

I was right. Although you said after you met her that there's no way the two of them are having sex. Oh, my gosh. I don't think that there's a physical relationship between the two. You should explain why. I don't remember what I said. Just you, because of how attractive she is. She's so gorgeous.

Yeah, and he's a mutt. I just, she's so gorgeous. I went home and I told my husband about her. I think one of them ends up dead. But anyway. I can listen to her talk all day. Two words. Green card.

Let's get back to this nightmare airplane ride. going from L.A. to the Philippines, 15 hours. Same old terrible song and dance. The crappers stopped working. They wouldn't flush, but, you know, folks got to go and they got to go. Next thing, you know, there's a river of filth pouring down the aisles. The smell had folks pass and smooth out. The new guy never even made it to the corner before he started puking his guts out.

But what could they do? They kept going. They were determined to forgive me for the pun, but to gut it out, all the way to the bitter end of that 15-hour plane ride. The poor bastard airplane workers, whatever they're called, the flight attendant, all they could do was run around the plane, picking up fully formed adult feces with paper towels like what you do for a really bad dog.

Well, I hope they got like a little bonus from, you know, work. Right. At least some sort of thank you card or... The flight attendants, dude, they never get the credit they deserve. No. They got to deal with a lot of. S just from people being jerks. Right. Nightmares like this, wall-to-wall, drunken hard-on maniacs,

give those flight attendants, whatever they asked for. Of course, right as the airplane was about to land, the toilet started a working again. I'd be so pissed. Yeah, but they made it, Covey. Come on. They made it. Yeah, that's pretty gross. We got a thank you for the text.

A colonoscopy nurse has checked in. And if you were mine, I apologize. I promise you I did shave down there first. She said that some of those poop in the box places, it'll always be positive if you've had polyps in the past. So it'll be a wasted time. Just get your colonoscopies on the timeline they recommend. Have you had polyps in the past? Three, hilarious.

I don't know why this is such comedy for you guys. Bogus. I don't wish polyps upon you. All right. Well, now we don't get to see Josh poop in a box in studio. Can you do just for fun? I still can. And by the way, every day people text in stuff that makes me jealous.

I could never come up with. Somebody, when we were talking about the poor UPS person who has to bring the poop, he said it gives a new meaning to, what can Brown do for you? It really does. That is good. Oh, no.

Can you find another polyp? No. Four now? Yeah, I'm checking Dana. Oh, no, no, that's a Lego. Duck you, Jesus, said someone left their Colergard box on the counter at their work.

With some UPS boxes. It says at a food warehouse. What? And someone cracked it open? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe you must stay on the outside. It was leaking.

Don't open, pooping. Ew. Oh, sorry. If you've got a grandpa or maybe an elderly father living in an old folks home right now, you might want to make a telephone call over to there to the blue hair motel and ask them to up that heart medication if this kind of thing is going to happen in the disgusting gator state. The cops had to arrest an employee working at what they call here a disabled adult care facility. This gal had to be arrested.

She and some of her girlfriends wouldn't stop twerking on the old. Fellers, there wasn't just one gal that was putting on this twerk NATO show over there at the old folks home. Four women's were, quote, dancing in a sexually explicit manner known as twerking inside the facility in front of and on disabled patients. You guys watch Landman? Yeah. You learn from there the old folks home, they're horny. I mean, we've certainly heard stories, but in that show, they party. They want a drink.

So I wonder if they were cool with it. Or, you know. I hope they had a good time. I mean, I know I would. Yeah, I would think, what a wonderful thing to happen. But obviously, if they're not, this is terrible. Someone caught this on video, says here one female in the video, even cracked one of the old timers in the mug with her sweater cannons.

And he passed. Died a happy man. Yeah, he went out the way. he wanted to. The gals were hanging upside down from a sink, table dances. This turned in with something. This is something the boys in the old folks home probably hadn't seen since they went to Thailand for R&R when they were in the service for Christ's sake. Funny and all, but that ain't right. These old boys need to take it easy in there. I think these gals were smoking crack or something. This is great. Teacher She says she's called me a pussy.

Oh. Why? Yeah. Could be for any number of reasons, but I'm excited for her to narrow it down here. She said, you pussy, I had 11 polyps popped out of my pooper, and they didn't even knock me out. Well, yeah, I think I was drugged up when they pulled my, but I don't remember it all. Yeah, you're right. Okay.

Well, fire her back. Challenge her to a polyp off. Yeah. What do I need to eat to get more polyps? I'm going to get more than you, teacher she says, and we'll see who the pussy is. I'm going to have it removed, not even by a doctor. I'm going to go into a Home Depot. I'm the tough guy in this relationship.

Oh, just go up there with a toilet snake and grab them. Now, in all seriousness, I hope everything's all right back there. I'll tell you right now. Well, you know what? If you're back to this old folks home or this disabled folks home, you know, if they were cool with it, they should just schedule something like that. Have the girls of Rick's cabaret show up? I mean, I think that'd be pretty nice, personally.

Sure. And then the folks that aren't interested, they can, you know, play cribbage or watch the prices. There's plenty. There is plenty to do. Josh, you're going to want to eat a lot of processed meat, a lot of fried food, and a lot of sugary snacks. Oh, you looked it up? Yeah. Then you'll be, you'll have polyps everywhere.

I must be the best in the business. Why? Because that's my exact diet right there. What's your name again? again, Ashley, and when I had my colonoscopy, the doctor described my colon as glorious. Thank you. They were complimentary my second time. I must be something special.

You cleaned up your act, and they're like, now this is what we're talking about. This is a colon. Now, that's a colon right there. All right, we got time for one more, I think. One of those Amazon drivers got pinched for a DWI down there in Texas. this prick, he yard sale somebody's mailbox while he was trying to deliver packages to folks. He disintegrated someone's mailbox with his vehicle.

The neighborhood cops showed up for this, and when they talked to Dinkas and asked him, you know, what gives? They said he smelled like hooch. They dumped one of those sobriety tests on him, and he sucked. You're not expecting that. Before the police were able to get there, Someone who witnessed this vehicular mailbox murder, they chased the driver down and pulled him over.

So the drunk delivery driver man tried to swerve out of there, but someone stopped him. It says here when they rolled up on this Amazon driver man, he was trying to push something called buzz balls down a storm drain. Oh my gosh, that's what he's drinking? What are you doing, dude? I had to look that up. You've heard of Buzz Balls?

Yeah. I always seen me at the register of the liquor store. And they just looked like something I probably would have gotten into when I was like 19. Exactly. That's something that you just don't buy. Oh, so is that kind of a comment? Is that new? Yeah, kind of.

I mean, I don't really go. I mean, that brand is new. I had never heard of Buzz Balls. It says here, Josh, they are pre-mixed alcoholic cocktails sold in round plastic containers. Yeah, they're kind of, they look like a pop can up top. And then it's kind of like a vase on the bottom almost. I guess they've been around for a while. It's about the size of like a magic eight ball maybe, a little bit smaller.

But I've seen so many different like variations of these. People love anything drinking out of anything that's circular, I guess. Circular. Yep. So he was trying to destroy the evidence. When this gal pulled him off to the side of the road, he was trying to push these buzz balls down the storm drain. I bet he looked like one sad jagoff.

while he was doing that. I bet if he was going to get caught, you wish he was drinking something cooler. Says here now, and this is interesting to me, says here many people don't realize Amazon delivery drivers are often independent contractors who own their own truck. They're not direct Amazon employees,

if that matters at all to you. I've heard that. Yeah, I've heard that for, like if you see an Amazon truck, it's Amazon. But sometimes have you noticed, you'll see like a rental truck. Yeah. Or people in their own vehicles.

Yeah, it kind of sketches me out at first. All of a sudden some guy jumps out of a truck and is walking up to my doorstep. I'm like, what's happened? Oh, he's got a package for me. I actually had a, this week or the last two days, my mailman's been followed by a lady in an SUV. And the first time I thought, is this one else? Does he need help? I don't know.

I did think, like, is this a package thief? What's going on? But she wasn't really hiding it. So I thought, do I call this in? Because I love my mailman, Craig. Call him in? Who would you call? Like the post office and say some ladies following the guy.

Yeah. And then she was there yesterday. And yesterday there was like a, what's it called? Like a magnet on the side of the car that said postal service. They didn't have that on the first day. Because I wonder if somebody did call in and say, hey, there's somebody tasting. Yeah. Tailing the mailman.

I don't know what's going on there. So this drunk delivery driver down there in Texas who bashed somebody's mailbox to death, he's not the only problem. Multiple folks in this neighborhood say they've had issues with reckless driving by delivery drivers. One lady said a delivery driver swallowed up her entire fence with his delivery truck. She hasn't seen her fence since this guy came rolling through. What the heck, dude? Drivers regularly speed.

They go speeding up and down residential streets with no regard for little clueless children or or adorable pets or turtles or anything. I'm at that point now where everyone's driving too fast in my frigging neighborhood. I even got one of those little signs and stabbed it into my front yard. Did you slow down puke bag, it says? I'm tired of this. I'm tired of it. There's no reason to be going 51 miles an hour on a residential road, you frigging jagoffs.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Have you guys noticed it's been different on the roads this week? I was telling Nick, like, incredibly aggressive people at 11 a.m. There's a guy like just break checking folks for no reason. He got a whole bunch of us. I have no idea what happened. What a church. And he was in a work vehicle.

I think everybody's just beyond stressed out right now. I don't know, man. But it's been really odd the last couple days. We had the same problem up at our cabin. My dad's fishing shack. Tiny little dirt trail, middle of nowhere. As soon as they tarred that pig, there might as well be a guy on a ladder waving a green flag. As soon as they tarred it. For years, it was the dustiest, slowest little country road.

Then they tarred it, and everyone turns into Kyle Petty, right? Even once, we even got aggravated by how fast people were riding their bicycles down the damn thing. You did? Yes. True story, Ashley. My brother and my dad and I are sitting, again, middle of nowhere, sitting there having beers after a day on the lake. My brother's black lab is wandering around. Some dick bag on a bicycle ran over the black lab. My brother started choking the guy. He's not a bike move.

Slow down on your bicycle. You ran over my dog. How you couldn't hit a dog right in your bike. And the dog, you know how labs are. The dog looked at the bicycle rider like, hey, are we friends now? And my brother's over there choking the air out of this guy. You dick, you're going too fast. Even bicycles are too fast for us. You've got to make an example in front of the dogs so the dog knows. I get tailgated quite a bit in my neighborhood.

It's 30, but I usually go like 20. Because it's a real, you guys have been there. It's very windy people. There's no sidewalks. Right, kids are in the middle of the road. People are walking their dogs, not paying attention. But yeah, I don't know what it is. Like, people will tailgate me, like basically in the bed of my pickup truck.

I'm like, what do you want me to do? I don't want to kill somebody. That's so frustrating. Next time you see my brother ask him about the 15-year-old kid, he choked unconscious because the kid ran, over his black lab on a bicycle. I will ask him about those. Sports.

On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. It's huge. What I love about him is just kind of straight line. He sees an angle. He takes it. It doesn't overcomplicate anything. He puts his shoulder down and he's got a nice little finishing touch. It's great.

Having somebody like him that can not just shoot the ball and defend, but also touch the pace and make the right play. It's amazing. It is amazing. Finchie say and Rudy say they like this new teammate that they've got over there with the Timblebo. I-O. DeSomu. I love hearing Rudy Gober speak because I always forget that that's how he sounds. If he dies, he dies.

I defeat real champion. Rudy's got an interesting delivery, doesn't he? Yeah. Yeah. Finchie say and Rudy say they like this Iowa. And so do I. I mean, I liked him when he was playing for the Chicago Bulls. Tough little guard.

Fast. Plays defense. I dig the vibe. Wolves got a win last night. Nice. They got a win heading into the All-Star break. All right? We'll cover the Olympics here in a half hour when Randy Schaber and Brad Riders

swing by. We had a little brief conversation about folks driving too fast in residential neighborhoods. It's gotten to the point where I'm posting some. up in my yard. I'm tired of these jagoffs. I mean, what do you got to take a sh or something? Slow down. Does it say 20? Residential neighborhood, huh? Does it say 20 is plenty or something like that? No, it says slow down puke bag. It's a magic marker. I didn't buy it. I made it. Spray painted. I've gotten to that point now where I, you know, I don't often look out the window. Maybe in the morning. When I first wake up in the morning, I do often look out the window. I stare out the window and wonder what has happened with my life.

But if I ever do, or if I'm mowing the yard, I notice these jagoffs going 47 miles. So I've gotten to the point now where I'm pissed about it. A couple people have texted in agreeing with me saying, yeah, their neighborhood's the same frigging way. What's this say, Josh? Listener said people drive way too fast in my neighborhood. So I put a super realistic doll on a tricycle right on the edge of the road. That's hilarious.

That's terrifying. He said it worked really well until some. Somebody snatched it. Somebody stole the creepy doll. Can you imagine how disappointed that kidnapper must have been? Oh, man. This was my first kidnapping and I screwed it up. I thought I had the hall of the century.

This one was easy. They throw it into the backseat. Well, you're not going to cry or not that I just kidnapped you. It's just a doll. Josh is going to have some news for you here in a few minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast? pimps. Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tuneup or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80 degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-B. And it spells relief for you. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Do not ever worry about your salary.

You need enough to make sure that you aren't in a bad financial position. Once you have that, your salary becomes moot. What matters from that point forward, upside gains. Any type of ownership stake or ownership potential, that's the money. Remember, you can afford anything, just not everything. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show

93X On August 31st of last year I became one of the many, many millions of Americans and people around the world who found out I have cancer. It was stage three, colorectal cancer. So I've been experiencing some symptoms. I went in to get a colonoscopy

and felt really, really good as I was coming out of anesthesia that I had finally done it and looked into it. And as I was coming out of the haze, the gastroenterologist said in his most pleasant bedside manner, it is cancer. Well, some sad news yesterday,

as James Vanderbeek, the actor who endeared himself to generations of television viewers as a star of the 1990s and early 2000s drama, Dawson's Creek, he passed away yesterday at only 48 years old. He met his final days with courage, faith, and grace, his wife Kimberly, said on Instagram. For now, we ask for peaceful privacy as we grieve our loving husband, father, son, brother, and friends, she added. In early November 2024, Vanderbeak announced he'd been diagnosed with stage three colorectal cancer. He chronicled his experience living with cancer on Instagram, where he frequently paid tribute to his wife and children for their support.

He was best known for playing Dawson Leary at the center of Dawson's Creek. The show ran for six seasons, became a classic of the teen drama, and later found new life on streaming services. Dawson, I want us to still be friends, and I want to know that you don't hate me. You're words, Joey. It's just words. Because after you're done, dispensing your pleasantries here, you're going to turn around and you're going to walk away from me, aren't you? In the years, Dawson's Creek was on the air, Vanderbeek nabbed a string of film roles.

He cameoed in the first scary movie and Kevin Smith's Jay in Silent Bob Strike Back. He played a high school quarterback in Varsity Blues, released in 1999 to solid box office returns. In recent years, he starred in the two-season procedural CSI Cyber. James Vanderbeak is survived by his wife and their six children. Well, ain't that terrible. That's too bad. Only 48 again. That was a tough fun for everybody, especially people my age who grew up with Dawson's Creek and varsity blues.

That movie was always on when I was in middle school in high school. I just loved that movie so much. Had to throw it on yesterday. I just watched Dawson Creek not too long ago for the first time. I was looking for something to watch, and I've heard that that's pretty good, and that's terrible that he's passed away. Do you do enjoy it, though? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, of course. It's right at my alley. And sad about Varsie Blues, too. The movie came out in 1999, and now James Vanderbeek, Paul Walker, and Ron Lester, three of the players on the team have all passed away. I'm sorry, I don't know who Ron Lester is. He's the guy that play Billy Bob, the big... Oh, sure, the bigger guy?

I've actually never seen varsity blues for no real reason. It seems like everybody who has loves it. I know the guy you're talking about. You never really made varsity. You saw Junior varsity blues. I get the blues. If there was a team of people who get the blues,

I would make varsity. Let's have you watch JV blues first. And then we'll see if you're ready for varsity blues. I'm more team manager blues. Yeah, yeah. If they have that. Male cheerleader blues. You've seen water.

boy, but you haven't seen varsity blues. Some people are just meant to be JV, Cubby. It's okay. No, it's all. You know, it's about the love of the game. Right. That's all it is. Most parents are just trying to get their kid to look up from a screen for 10 seconds. So this next story is either

inspirational or deeply inconvenient for self-esteem as a parent. A 13-year-old boy is credited with saving the lives of his mother and two younger siblings after an hour's long swim when the family was swept off to out to sea off the Australian coast.

Swept out to sea. Yeah. This is an insane story. 1600? How did they get swept out to sea? A mother and her three kids were kayaking and paddle boarding on rented gear from their hotel. Then the ocean did what the ocean loves to do. Oh, God.

Rough winds, rough water, and suddenly the family was being dragged farther and farther out to sea. And you just, you can paddle your nuts off, but once that current grabs you, you're screwed, right? The 13-year-old boy got into trouble alongside his 47-year-old mom and 12-year-old brother and 8-year-old sister. So he made a call no teenager should have to make. He headed for shore on an inflatable kayak that started filling with water. When that failed, he ditched the kayak, ditched his life jacket, and began his long swim back to shore. I had to tape off my life jacket, thank God. Only a couple weeks before, I learned how to take off a life jacket and water, just started swimming.

It took me a couple hours to get to shore. after that and when I hit the bottom of the floor I just, you know, it was like how am I on land right now? Is this a dream? For about four hours through rough seas on sheer determination and positive thoughts he swam to shore. Four hours? Four hours swimming.

And how old of a kid, teenage kid? 13. My God. I suppose if there's ever an age where you have a shot at that, I guess 13 would be it. He reached shore. I could see my son's motivation to be to plug in his cell phone to charge it.

Not to save the family. Wow. He reached shore around 6 p.m. and raised the alarm. My name's Austin and I'm outside of beach. I have two siblings. We went out on a kayak trip and we got to get out to sea and we got lost out there. We couldn't get back to shore and mom told me they're going back to get help. And then I haven't seen them since.

I think they're kilometers out in sea. I think we need a whole box to go find them. I think I need an ambulance because I think I have hypothermia. Mum is out there with kids as well, is that right? Yeah, and I don't know what their condition is right now, and I'm really scared. And he's calm. Yeah, that's what I'm mostly shocked by. He was cold?

Yes, he'd calm, I said. Calm, I'm sure, cold as well. Yeah. A helicopter found the rest of the family more than two hours later, clinging to a paddleboard after drifting about nine miles, spending up to 10 hours in the water. Police inspector James Bradley said the actions of the 13-year-old boy

cannot be praised highly enough. His determination and courage ultimately saved the lives of his mother and siblings. His mom later said, one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make was to say to him, try and get to shore and get some help. This could get really serious really quickly, she said.

Wow. That is straight out of a motion picture. She can never punish him for anything ever again. Remember when I swam four hours to save your life, Mom? You're supposed to be in charge out there. The Western Australia Police Force was so impressed that they said they hope they can join forces with Austin in the future. That'll be a movie. Yeah, I could see that being a movie for sure.

I'd watch it. Wow, four hours he swam. After a frantic search began for a toddler in Kentucky, an unexpected hero appeared to save the day because sometimes salvation arrives slobbery. A savior with an abundance of body hair, a wet nose and a habit of humping stuffed animals, helped authorities find a missing three-year-old boy, a mysterious neighborhood dog, which a post from police described as a four-legged friend who reminded us that heroes come in all forms. More than half a dozen officers responded to a report of a missing young child

and launched an urgent search on foot. A drone and helicopter circled overhead as they worked to locate the child, but they had no luck. until the quadruped with a milkbone obsession stepped in, seemingly out of nowhere, and started barking at one of the responding officers. As I'm walking to the front, the craziest thing happened. There's a dog, Officer Josh Thompson said. That's not that crazy.

It would bark at me to tell me to hurry up. It led me all the way to the backyard. At that point, I'm thinking, okay, this kid's in the backyard, he said. Sure enough, the dog led officers straight to a car and sat near the back bumper. The child was inside the vehicle on home. It led me all the way back to the backyard. At that point, I'm thinking, okay, this kid's in this backyard. The dog went right to the back bumper.

Goes the back bumper. I just sat there. Yeah, he's right here. I don't think I've ever seen a happier kid in my life. He jumped out of the car, bear hugged my neck, and wouldn't let go, the officer said. I don't know where the dog came from, but it was a blessing from that day. It's still unknown where the dog was from or who it belongs to. Where'd he go when it was all over with? He just went back to the sky.

The sky? He's a doggy angel. What? I mean, they didn't take them to get him a burger or anything? Maybe they threw them a steak or something. They don't know who it belongs to. Back to the sky. Goodbye.

I'll check in on you from time to time. Will he check in from time to time? He will check in time to time. Man's best friend, fun fact, when humans and dogs look at each other in the eye, each species produces oxytocin, the same hormone which bonds mothers to their children. Oh, that's so sweet. That's why your dog makes you so happy. I definitely get that vibe, yeah.

Unless they're barking constantly at 2 in the morning out the front window, which is? Oh, my gosh, that's the worst. We get that. A massive pile up on a busy freeway in Malaysia was sparked by a surprisingly small suspect, a toddler who opened a car door and promptly promoted several vehicles to an unscheduled meet-and-greet before the child had even graduated from diapers. Peace out. The collision unfolded Friday about 6.15.

PM local time as a Honda crept through heavy traffic. At the precise poorly timed moment, a two-year-old perched on a relative's lap inadvertently popped open the rear-left passenger door. And that one small swing led to a six-vehicle pile-up. So suddenly everyone's, you know, at a, you know, freeway speed and suddenly there's a baby sitting on the freeway? No, the baby's sitting on a lap. And he's in the back seat of a vehicle and he opens the door somehow.

But he didn't fall out of the car. No, he didn't fall out. Oh, I thought he came smooth out of the car. No, he does not. He didn't come out. He just opened the door, and it wasn't quite freeway speed. They're moving, but it was heavy traffic. But what happened was there was a 25-year-old guy on a motorcycle who was able to, unable, that is, to avoid the door.

So he crashed into it. Oh, for the love of. He lost control, and then he collided with other vehicles, including another motorcyclist who was also unable to avoid that collision. The 25-year-old broke his arm. He was taken to a hospital while the other riders suffered minor injuries. Do they sue the family of the baby? Possibly, or the baby itself. The baby itself?

Miraculously, no one in the other four vehicles were hurt. Video captured that dramatic debacle, and the incident is under investigation for inconsiderate and careless driving. Yeah. Sorry, I blew up. I thought the baby was on the freeway. No, luckily, that would have been awful bad. The streaming premiere of Predator Badland.

lands on Hulu today. Josh Brolin turns 58, Arsenio Hall, 70. Joanna Kearns, who played the sneaky sexy Maggie Siever on Growing Pains, 73. 73. Wow. Congratulations to Tony Belloni and Jenny Lee getting married in Costa Rica from Mike from South St. Paul. I don't have a name here, but they asked for a quote, shout out to myself from myself for being five months sober today.

Hell yeah. Nice work. Today is always tired in southern Minnesota Welder Jesus is Friday because tomorrow, Friday the 13th is his birthday. And Ashley, he wanted you to know he's going to get a tattoo tomorrow. Isn't that something you do on Friday the 13th? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's awesome.

And it'll be a tattoo of commemorating he and his wife's wedding anniversary, October Friday the 13th, 2017. Oh, that's so cool. That's awesome. Happy birthday to hung like a seahorse Jesus from your sister. My brother has a small penis Jesus. Happy 42nd to Hellbound Jesus, and that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the Half-Hass Morning Show. Here's Elizabeth Lemley from Vale, Colorado in her Olympic debut.

Moving into gold medal position. And her teammate Jalen Koff looking to make history. Koff, silver medal, the Americans 1 and 2. Jordan Stoles is coming. Now he goes to work on the inside corner. And here goes Stoles, blowing right past Yenning. The best speed skater in the world flies to an Olympic record and the lead. Jordan Stolles solidifies the top spot golden.

We got plenty of that Winter Olympics noise here a little bit later. Oh, lots and lots of Olympic jibber jabber. It's a thrill to talk to the boys again. We got the Randy Shaver Brad Ryder thing happening again today. Hello, fellow. Hello. Good morning. Before we all fall down and touch ourselves,

Let me holler at our listening audience real quick. We promised this earlier, so by God, we better get to it. Right now on the Luther Bloomington Kia text line. Text comedy to 651-989-93-93 comedy, C-O-M-E-D-Y. And that's your chance to win tickets to Dave Chappelle coming up Monday at Grand Casino Arena. You can head on over to 93X.com for more inflammation. This prize. Yeah, ha.

His prize is brought to you by Live Nation. Good luck. Go ahead and have some laughs at the Dave Chappelle program, will you? Next Monday. We should mention they've released some limited tickets if you're interested in going if you don't win today. But we do have tickets around this time tomorrow as well. Absolutely. Limited tickets have been released, but we'll have some.

That's great. Absolutely great. All right. We might as well swing right over to Italy. What happened yesterday? Team USA added five more medals to the pile. What were you playing audio of their, what did you have there, Joshua? Mughals.

We got Mughals and the speed skating, moguls. What else did the United States win? Ice dancing. The Super G. You're a super G. You know what the G stands for, don't you? Gangster. Grant!

Grant! That's what we won yesterday. Your thoughts, Randy and Brad? I watched pretty much all of that stuff. Jordan Stoles was amazing. What does he do? What does he do? He's the speed skater out of Milwaukee.

Fantastic. An Olympic athlete that came out of Milwaukee, huh? Well, the speed skaters always come out of there. They do? What do they got going on over there? Eric Hayden and all those guys. Sure, they all come out of Milwaukee. Friggin Milwaukee.

I had no idea. the speed skating capital of some good speed skating facilities there. Yeah, Stoles is amazing, though. And this is just the beginning for him. I think he's going to win more than just 1,000 meters. I think he's a favorite to win a few other races as well. I got a question. How fast do they get going?

38 miles an hour. 38. Wow. No, thank you. 38 miles an hour on speed skates. I would die. Well, if you fell, yeah. I would just die.

If you fell, you might have a good shot at breaking a rib or something like that. Yeah, I don't think you'd live to tell the tale, Ashley. For a brief time, yes. On your way to the hospital. Yeah. Why'd you guys let me do this? They've got those little bumpers on the side, right? If they crash, I think.

Yes. Yeah, they fill it with sawdust or jelly beans or something. I mean, this is a different kind of race than the other short track speeds skating stuff where they're so close and tight that crashes are, it seems anyway, inevitable to happen. You know, these are just two people on the track at the same time. So there's a lot of room to navigate. All right.

I was asking how fast a typical speed skater goes round and round in a circle. I'm not the only one with questions about some of these Winter Olympic events. According to what I'm reading here, these are the five. the five most common questions that people have been asking on Google, specifically directed at the winter games, five most common questions. Why do ice skaters wear gloves? Says here, obviously, some of them,

some are looking to keep their fingers warm, but others are protecting them from falls. Yeah, oh, God, you mean, you're You're pirouetting in the sky, right? You're a figure skater, and somehow you bail And you skate over one of your hands. I would think it would help the blood flow throughout your whole body If your whole body's warm and all that's what I'm going with.

Okay. Yeah. And I would also say if you watch the skaters, whether it's ice dance or whatever, there's a lot of times where at least the woman has got her hands on the ice. I mean, they're doing such intricate moves that sometimes, I mean, I've seen them with, like, she's on her knees as, you know, they're moving across the ice. So, you know, maybe that's to help them be able to do those kind of things, too.

I just, I would think more than anything, I don't want to, if I end up standing on one of my hands with those ice skates on accident. Yes. I don't want to be wiping with a stump for the rest of my life. so I'm going to wear something to. Why do speed skaters wear glazes? Anybody want to try and answer for me? They're going 38 miles an hour. Yeah.

With nothing to block your eyes. I mean, your eyes would water up or dry up pretty quickly, either one, I think. To protect their eyes from the wind, I'm going to give Brad Ryder credit on that one. And from ice chips kicking up from the guy in front of you. Makes sense? And the ice gets into your. Oh, my God. And then the eye falls out.

Oh, ow. What do you know about this one, Josh? Let's try, Josh. How do you steer if you're in charge of steering that luge wagon? Mostly your cab, shoulders, and you shift your weight around? See, here's the answer I have in front of me. Mostly with your cabs shoulders and by shifting your weight around. Wow.

I read the article. You nailed it. Boy, you nailed that, Josh. It says here the luge wagon has handles, but they don't really steer. They just anchor. They're just to anchor yourself to. Just to hold on to. So you can make those tiny movements.

Did I guess it right? Make those tiny movements? 100% accurate. I'm on the same way. The wording is perfect. How fast do these are the most common questions people are sending to Google while falling in and out of sleep watching. the winter games in Italy. How fast do snowboarders go in the big air competition?

What? It says here they go up to 50 miles an hour. And the last question, how is curling scored? The answer is, who cares? Very carefully. Now, this person, where to go? This is a 3-2-0. You don't have to worry about ice chips if you're in first,

place. That's a good point. Yeah. That's motivation. So cocky, don't wear glasses out there because you know you're going to win. I can't see anything without my glazes. So there you go. Did you have any questions outside of the ones that I read anybody? Josh has the answers. No. Nothing? You're not wondering about anything?

Do they wax their skis with something? Oh, I'm sure they do, yeah. Yeah, they butter them up a little bit, put some Crisco on it. Sex wax, right? I remember like snowboard. What are I talking about sex wax? Sex wax was a thing in the hockey locker room, too. Even before this, what's that new series going on? Heeded rivalry.

Even before heated rivalry, sex wax was a thing in the hockey locker room when I was a kid. We would smear it on the tape on the blades of our sticks to get the tape to stay. I did not know that. What else might come to mind for me? Yeah, okay, they waxed their skis. Well, well, let's say you're not. You're an Olympic snowboarder. Do you have to have a nipple ring to, uh...

Yes. Are you required to chug a monster energy drink before you go down the hill? Can I wear a hat with a bent brim? No, it's got to be flat. The bill has to be flat. Listen to this now. We got lots to cover here. And even one story that got me really aggravated.

Oh, speaking of snowboarding, an Australian snowboarder had to go to the hospital. He broke his neck. while training. He was practicing whatever version of snowboarding that he does, and he broke his damn neck. Dude. That's terrible. Friggin' high-maintenance Canadians, they never change.

This is just typical, isn't it? The Canadian men's hockey team has informed everyone at the Olympics that they're just too damn special to stay at the Olympic Village, so they've packed up all their rush records and their kegs of maple soap. syrup and they've headed on over and bought some rooms at a five-star hotel near the rink. Hold on. That's hilarious. Come on.

Come on. The dream team started this. Yeah. I mean, you're chiding the Canadians. I didn't say this was the first time anyone. Yeah. I mean, this is nothing new. I didn't say it was new.

I said it's typical high-maintenance Canadians. They didn't have any little bats in the Olympic Village. They got on a team bus. They told everyone, hey, we're not staying here. We're the Canadian men's Olympic hockey team. The last thing they shouted from the bus, Josh, was, we're not your buddy guy. But they're going to miss out on all that ass, though, in the Olympic Village.

It's funny you bring up the ass because a team USA player, Maddie Kachuk, currently playing in the state of hockey. Florida for the Florida Panthers, but he's a member of the American men's hockey team. He said, I don't know what's wrong with these Canadian punks. He said, I've had some great times hanging out with the rest of the athletes here in the Olympic Village, playing cards, and watching other events, he said. Plus, he added, I like the bump. Yeah, I think I'd want that whole the experience.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, someone seems like summer camp almost a little bit, you know? Like at college, I loved living in the day. dorm. Yeah, it was a blast. Friggin Canadians. I'm always jealous looking back and wish that I had a chance to do something like that, yeah. They're too good for the Olympic Village, Randy Schaever. Like I said, nothing new.

Not saying it's new. Why do you keep focusing on the new thing? The American men's hockey club, right? A bunch of blue collar lunch palers. Those boys, right? They're sticking with tradition. They're crashing at the garbage Italian super eight. Those kids don't have any money.

Yeah, okay. Just regular guys. Only NHLers, yeah. I'm just trying to build up the hype for that gold medal game. Right. I'm trying to build up the angst and the anger here for that supposed gold medal matchup. Who the friggin' hell did these Canadian kids think they are? Go on off to the high dollar hotel, right?

How did that work for Ivan Drago when he took on Rocky? You watch the training montages. He had every advantage. Every single advantage. A very undocumented part of the Rocky series that Drago stayed at the Ritz. This is a message that the Canadians, they didn't see that film or that documentary, obviously. Sure, Drago had all the high dollar technical computers and whatnot. Rocky was living in a barn with a dead cow.

He was dumping in a, he was peeing and pooping in a bucket for six months before that fight. How did that turn out? Friggin Canada. I have here in front of me, it says, here that the United States men's hockey club plays at 2 o'clock this afternoon against the Latvians. The Latvians?

Lotvia. How are they in hockey? I don't know. We'll find out today at 2 o'clock, Dana. I bet the U.S. does pretty well. Playing Latvia reminds me one of my favorites. Speaking of the Dream Team, Randy, quotes from there when Charles Barkley was over there and they were playing a game against Angola.

And he was asked, what do you know about Angola? And Barclay goes, well, do I know about Angola? I know they in trouble. I love that dream team documentary. That's good stuff. Charles is hilarious. Yeah. Some of those guys on that club were just straighter than a Grizzlies D.

I don't think John Stockton is out partying much. John Stockton. Chris Mullen. So straight. I think he went nuts, really, John Stockton. Chris Mullen wasn't a drinker. Patrick Ewing had never had a beer in his life. Is that true?

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that about him. But then you put. but Barkley and Bird in there. They made up for the slack. Bird made up for all of them. I love that documentary, and I think Charles has a direct quote where, you know,

in some of their preliminary games, like I think you were mentioning, some of the preliminary games they played before they went to the actual Olympics, they went to these tropical islands and just stomped, nameless countries to death just to get some warm-ups in before the old.

And Charles Barkley said, one of these islands they were staying on, he said, one night I tried to go beer for beer with Larry Bird. And he said, I was hung over for three days. He said, Larry Bird drink Budweiser beer. He looks like he can throw him down. People are always looking for a new reason to bitch these days. As cool as it is to have drone camera footage at the Olympics.

You know, I'm sure you've seen it. Big cinematic camera shots. It's incredible. Fools sliding down a hill. or the folks on the Luz. Folks are claiming that the sound of the drone camera whining in the background is causing them to consider tearing out their eardrums

with a shrimp fork. I heard people complaining about that over the weekend, wondering why they can't remove that, that it was distracting. Here's a little example. Flying over these finishing rollers, and Linge Bond makes it to the finish line. I'm sure you've heard it.

I don't like that. Oh, that makes me like nauseated. People are comparing it to the, Vuvu Zalas that drove everyone insane at the meaningless World Cup of soccer tournament a few years ago. Yeah, the 2010. That's when it was. Jesus, that was more than a few years ago. Yeah, it was a long time ago.

That's when that was? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this takes me back. You know, that's fun. Yeah, I enjoy that. That makes me nostalgic. It takes me back to that summer, which was one of the best summers of my life.

We had such a blaster in that tournament. Oh, if you like it, I got two more minutes of that, we can keep it going. Put it on a loop. I remember talking about that tournament on the radio show, 15, 16. And I remember really liking that Vuvuzela gimmick. So I'm sorry, I missed it. Can you play the whining drone? I didn't even notice it.

Yeah, I hear of once. Maybe my hearing is so bad now that I don't even pick up on certain tones. I don't know. Flying over these finishing rollers and Lindsay Vaughn makes it to the finish line. I hear nothing. Oh, really? I hear Lindsay Vaughn making it to the finish. I'm like an old dog.

Yeah, you're like at that, I bet you're at that age where you can't hear certain frequency. Could everybody else hear it? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You really don't think that's too loud? Not a thing.

Didn't hear a single thing outside of a woman's voice. It really doesn't bother me either. I mean, I've watched all of these snow events, the ski events where you see the drone chasing the skier to show that angle. And it doesn't bother me. What does this say? One Winter Olympics fan went on over to that social media to say that the

sound of the drone is, quote, super annoying. I didn't notice it. I don't think I would have noticed it unless somebody pointed it out to me. It's kind of like Brad's leaf blower. Yeah, I hear it now. Yeah. All right. Now people are even going this way now, okay?

The sporting news went and ranked the eight best movies with a Winter Olympics theme. Number one, miracles. That was wonderful. Yeah, it was good. It was good. It was really enjoyable, especially Kurt Russell. He was great. Miracles. I saw it twice in the same day on the day that it came out. I saw the day it came out and the Apple Valley movie theater, the old car mic. It was a packed house, sold-out show at 7 o'clock. My buddy was a big smart ass. Obviously, he knows all about the miracle on ice, but tense moments, you know, and they're in the game against Russia. Russia gets up 2-0. He goes, well, this one's over, and he just walked out of the theater.

And he committed to the bit and didn't come back. And the next morning he went back to catch the ending of it. That's awesome. I bet people were thinking he was an idiot. She was like, well, this one's over. That's good. Even though the bit, which is a good bit, solid bit. That is a good bit.

Even though it was over after 15 seconds, he went home. Yes. He walked out of the theater and didn't come back. I think I'd sneak in and just sit in the back. It should have watched the whole thing first and then that's the second time. But it's so funny because it was opening. Like I said, like a sold-out theater, that big, huge massive one where the new releases are shown in the theater. And everybody's so confused.

Us, knowing the guy, we didn't know he was going to do that, but we're laughing our asses off because we knew he was going to commit the whole way and not come back and see the rest of the movie. Let's see, back to Rocky movies here real quick. Rocky 4, 1986, so I was, you know, 15 or 16. The scene where Apollo Creed gets killed. One of my buddies stood up and applauded. What? Like sarcat? Was he joking?

Well, of course he was joking. Well, you got some brutal friends. And a few people in the theater were emotionally unstable. Oh, no. They were furious and, like, crying. They were so mad at him for making that brief joke. But, you know, back to Miracle. So the first time I saw it, I don't know if I've ever told you guys this before.

A packed theater like Dana was describing. I'm sitting next to a guy, bigger guy, and everything that was happening during that game against the Soviets that they were portraying up on the picture on the screen. Everything that was happening, the guy next to me kept going,

and then I'd hear him go, and then I'd hear him say, oh, come on, right? All right, what, dude? When the movie ended, I looked to my right, it was Vladimir Trediak. Oh, wow.

Seen the movie in Wysett, Minnesota? Yeah, yeah. He was the goaltender for the Soviets that day. He wasn't buying it. Yeah. He thought it was a little blown out of report. I watched Miracle elbow to elbow with Vladimir Trediak. I didn't even know it was propaganda.

Did he at least appreciate the Kurt Russell line? If you get one past Trediac, save the puck. He laughed. Yeah, he did. Vladimir Trediak jokes. I know, you guys are tired of it. There's just so many. All right, so the greatest movies were the Winter Olympics team,

number one, miracles, and then the list, kind of falls into the toilet beyond that, really. I know you hate number two on this list. I don't hate it. I just don't think it's, I mean, cool running. It was okay. I mean, ha-ha, Jamaican guys, Bob Sletting, ha-ha, John Candy, I went home.

I don't understand what was so great about cool running. That was good for its time, I think. It's got one of my favorite sports coach, sports quote's movie from a sports movie. When John Candy says, a gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.

I got to call my guy, Vladimir Trediak and ask him what that means, really. Eddie the Eagle is number three. About a ski jumper, I never saw it. Was that good? Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, it was good. It was good. Blades of Glory. John Heater and Will Farrell, I thought that was mostly stupid.

I liked it. It had its moments, but yeah. There's one dumb lighting that my friends and I still referenced, so Will Farrell's character is like a bad boy of figure skating and he's got to go to this. meeting to see if he's going to be banned for life. And Nancy Kerrigan's there. And he goes, hey, Nancy, are you an official here? And she's like, well, yeah.

And he goes, because you've officially given me a boner. He kills me every time. You know who did not enjoy Blades of Glory? Boris Mikhailov. Is that another Russian hockey player? Yeah, one of the he was. You were sitting next to him at a movie?

No, he was at my house. Oh, okay. You guys had a movie night once a month. He was the top scoring forward for that 80 Olympic Soviet team. Boris Mikhailov did not find Blades of Glory amusing at all. What else is in here? I, Tanya, I remember seeing that, the story of Tanya Hardin. That was very good.

Margot Robbie was fantastic. Oh, she's in that? Oh, shoot. That might be worth watching. It was fun. It was fun. You know, it's bizarre. I mean, and it's all true.

And that was a comedy, right? I never saw it, but somebody, I thought somebody told you it was a comedy. Dark comedy. Yeah, Josh, I think you'd like it. The dude that plays Jeff Galooly is very funny. A downhill racer is a 191929 movie where Robert Redford plays a skier. Take a word for it. Okay, these again are supposedly the eight best movies with a Winter Olympics team.

I guess it's a very good movie, a downhill skier with Robert Redford. It came out the same. year is Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid, so nobody gave a pump. I overshadowed that. Ice Castles, 1970. Oh, yeah, Robbie. Robbie, what's his name? Benson.

Robbie Benson, yeah. It's a figure skating movie. It's a classic movie. I remember the title. I was a Robbie Benson fan when I was a kid. I thought he was cool. And the last one on the list, I mean, there was not a lot to choose from. because the last one on the list is simply one of the absolutely worst acted movies I have ever seen in my lifetime.

It is so brutal. And it's a movie from 1992 called The Cutting Edge. Is that the hockey player and the figure skater fall in love? Yes. D.B. Sweeney. I hope he's not, you know, sick or dead or anything, but he is just simply one of the worst actors that has ever been hired to do anything related to electronic. entertainment. All right.

That dude is so bad at acting. It's almost like the people who put this list together wanted to go for a top ten, but once they got to that one, they decided, no, we're done. We'll round this off at eight. Yeah, right. I really don't know if they had. Did they have anything

else to choose from? I mean, is any... I don't think so. Yeah. No. Well, it's not Olympics, but there was a movie about the 1994 Junior Goodwill Games, the U.S. hockey team, that beats Iceland in a shootout for the championship. Can't you just save it? There might be a Soviet Olympian from 1980 listening right now, Dana.

All right, here's the Winter Olympic story that actually got me pissed. Julius Simon is a French lady. She won a gold medal in the biathlon yesterday. Her victory, it says, here, comes less than four months. after she was found guilty of stealing a teammate's credit card. Now, be patient with me because this story has me way more upset than anybody should ever be when discussing the biathlon event, but that's not what this is really about.

She was not initially supposed to be in the Olympics. She was found guilty of theft in a court of law. She was found guilty of theft and credit card fraud just this past October. But the French Olympic Committee type of folks led her off the hook, likely because she's very good at biatholeting. She's actually more or less, from what I read, the greatest ever. So you know how life is unfair. She gets a pass because France, just like Nacho Libre, they want a queen.

Right? So they put her on the team anyway, even though she was convicted of fraud and credit card. Yeah. Okay. More details here. She made online purchases that totaled more than $2,300. She admitted to it that she stole her teammates' credit card. And then you want to talk just, this is where I got pissed.

You want to talk weak and cowardly. This is what she said as a grown person. When on trial for stealing someone's credit card and buying stuff with it, she said, I don't remember doing it. Yeah, you know what that's like, right? She admits to doing it, but doesn't remember. Doesn't remember. I usually forget when I steal a lot of money from somebody. Right, and we're supposed to believe that, right?

We're just supposed to say, oh, well, sure, I've been there. It's all right, girl. How pathetic. But this is where it gets even worse. So she wins a biathlon yesterday, and when it's over, she did the sh-sh thing with her index finger up to her mouth, as if she's, you know, shushing all of her haters. That was frustrating. You know the bit, right, Cubby? Oh, yeah.

Right. Look, lady, you stole someone's credit card and then, spent money that didn't belong to you. Same as lifting somebody's wallet out of their pocket, right? Don't you dare try and play a victim role in this? You suck. He sucks so much. I'm sorry, but that just calls me.

The people that think we're all idiots. Right. Like, oh, you don't remember? Well, must not have happened. Right. No big deal. So your critics are supposed to back off now because you're good at sports. God, that just drives me frigging crazy.

Go F yourself, lady. That's kind of where we all. are in the world though right now too. Aren't we? Yeah. And you said stealing someone's credit card, I think the, to, you said it earlier, it wasn't just someone, it was a teammate. Correct.

So you've already, I mean, that's disgraceful in itself that you would do that to a teammate, let alone just someone. Let's hope that it didn't cost the teammate a spot on the team that she was able to compete. I mean, you know what I mean? I hope it wasn't somebody that now because she was able to compete that this other person who got her credit card stolen wasn't able to get. Wouldn't that be something? You get your spot stolen and your credit card.

I got the, I got bumped by the bitch that stole $2,300. Yeah, are you kidding? Yeah, it kind of sucks that in her head she thinks she got the last laugh out of that. Yeah, right. I'd get the last laugh if she tried to steal my credit card and then attempt to use it. Right? I'd win that one every time. I was just talking to some buddies the other day about losing your debit card.

And one kid said, yeah, it's been, yeah, I lost my debit card for like two weeks. I never canceled it. And I was like, oh, my gosh, that's terrible. And then I thought for a second, one time I lost my debit card. And I didn't know where it was for months because I just had Apple pay on my phone. And everyone was always worried about me. And I was like, honestly, if they take it, they aren't going to get very far. It won't be very rewarding.

Not worth their time. Doesn't matter to me. You said she competes in the biathlon? Yes, Brad Ryder. Okay. So don't they use those arrows and shoot as part of that? I would think that the person who this happened to might have an accidental discharge of her gun maybe at her Achilles.

Yeah. I thought maybe, yeah, they were toting a rifle around when they compete in that. Hey, real quick, a interesting fact about the 19178 movie we were discussing them ago called Ice Castle starring Robbie Benson. Yeah. And Tom Scarritt, who I believe went on to play. He was in the movie with Tom Cruise. Top Gun.

Oh, yeah. But I was talking about what was his character on Cheers, Dana? Oh. Mr. Oh, yeah. He was Rebecca Howes. Bonds, Bones, Bones, Bonds, Biondi. Tom Scarrett, Robbie Benson, 1978.

The movie was called Ice Castles. Someone texted in to say that Ice Castles was filmed here in Minnesota. Oh, a town that I'm sure we all love. Jesus, I think, Josh, I think you even got laid out there. Waverly, Minnesota. Oh, sure, sure, of course. Tell us about the night you bumped in Waverly. Well, it never happened.

I lied at the time. Oh. I can't remember. See, I forgot. You forgot. I forgot. Yeah. Cheers.

Evan Drake. Drake. Yeah. Mr. Drake. Mr. Drake. Well, this is just real nice that my Timberwolves are headed into the All-Star break with a couple nice wins in a row where everybody actually tried. Again, this is two games in a row now where everyone tried. Right.

It's two games in a row where everyone actually played defense. Everyone used their effing head instead of wandering around like idiots. They beat the Portland Trailblazers 133 points to 109. Julius Randall went mental. Put 41 points on the board. Did you see his icing on the cake? Anybody? No.

Yeah, the slam dunk, yeah. He's at 39 points, times running out. You know, Finchie's getting ready to put the JV guys out there. Julius Randall gets a loose ball. And, you know, he's no kid anymore. I mean, he's 40, but he's not a kid. Goes up and does a, as an elaborate, he does. Windmill.

And as elaborate dunk as he's capable of at his age, a windmill dunk. and then he fell on his ass. Pretty funny. Jaden McDaniels, 21. So, something else I noticed last night, the Timberwolves fast break was terrific. It was on point. They must have been practicing the fast break lately

because usually on the fast break, the wolves look like two or three donkeys chasing a beach ball. That'd be fun to watch. Yeah. But they were sharp on the fast break, and Portland turned the ball. all over 25 times and they turn those into a lot of points. So you got your all-star nonsense this weekend.

The fellas don't come back for real until next Friday. Right. We're going to have, it's just going to be all-winter Olympics next week. Yeah, I was just about to say there's no NHL, there's no NBA. Football's done. Baseball hasn't started. Yeah. You really have your options limited this weekend.

Yeah, we might as well take it off. What did they find? Well, spring training opens up, though, so you can talk a little baseball. Well, we're getting to baseball here in a minute, Randy Shaver. Yeah, you're right spring training. I'm saying next week, though. No, I understand, yeah. No, wait a minute.

Now people are saying that Tom Scarratt played Robin Colcourt. Robin Colcourt. No, no, that was the English guy. Yeah, that was the other guy. Tom Scarratt was Evan Drake. Yeah, Robin Colcourt. Oh, that brings me back. I loved that character, too, Robin Colcourt, pompous little English prick that Rebecca

Howe fell in love with. He's got the great line where someone at the bar says something about $100. And Robin Colcourt says this. He says, you know, it just occurred to me that every time I say $100, I make $100. What did they find, Nas Reid? $35,000 they find Nas Reid for that scratch and chokeout fight. He had the other night against a member of the Atlanta Hawks. The NBA announced major suspensions for those.

guys from the Pistons Hornets game the other day. Four games, seven games, things like that. All right. Now, I'm not sure the significance of something like this, but it says here at this weekend's NBA All-Star game, television and radio star John Tesh is going to sing a song called Round Ball Rock. That's the Bubba, Bubba, Bubba-Bassquetball song. Oh, that's Bubba-Bub-Bah Basketball?

Yeah. Oh. Okay. Why John Tesh? Because he wrote it. He wrote it. John tested. Oh, you know, I...

He wrote that music. It's a funny story behind he told one time on stage just on a YouTube video. He was somewhere traveling and he didn't have a way. He got the beat in his head, you know, kind of the notes. So he called his answering machine at home to record it so that he would remember what he had thought of all sleeping in this hotel room. So he played the actual audio of him saying, Hey, it's me.

I have an idea for the NBA theme song. so he left it on his whistle so that he could go back and listen to it and remember what he came up with. So wait a minute, I don't understand. He wrote the music or he wrote the lyrics Bubba, blah, blah, blah basketball. The music.

The music behind it. So he doesn't sing. There's no lyrics to it. That was just a joke on Saturday Night Live. He's just going to perform it at the halftime show or something like that. Is he going to sing it? There's no lyrics to it.

No lyrics to the real song. I love John Tess. I really do. I listen to them. the radio. Don't you, Josh? John Tesh, yeah. He's great. All right. Okay, now all this is coming together now, I think. We've played the Bub, Bub, Bub, Bub, I didn't know what was called Round Ball Rock.

I didn't know John Tesh had anything to do with it. He wrote it in 1900 and something. It was the anthem for NBC's NBA coverage from 1990 through 2000-ought-2. Anytime I hear that song, I feel like I'm 10 years old. I'm seeing a montage of Barclay and Jordan and Reggie Miller highlights introing the NBA and NBC. Is Stacey Ogman in there anywhere? Stacey Ogman. There are other musical performers set to play at the All-Star Gang Bang. You want to hear about it?

Yeah. He's going to be there? Ludicrous. Oh, cool. I love him. My wife's a fan. Ludacris. And a Wasp is going to play I Want to Be Somebody from their debut record in 1984.

Oh, not F like a beast. No, they're not going to play Animal F like a Beast. That's a shame. Wasp is going to play I Want a Beast. somebody. That's a hell of a bill. Yeah. Anytime you get

Ludacris, Tesh and Wasp on the car. That's a must see. The twins are in the

middle of kind of a retro thing here. Earlier this season, they brought back Taylor

Rogers. A couple days ago, they brought back G.O. Urshella. Who played 144 games

with the twins in 20 and 22. G.O. Reshela. I think Tim Laudner has some

eligibility left. Can we bring him back? Isn't that Logan Morrison? What are we got? Joey Gallo. Brian Buchanan, I think, is in the future. You guys come to play for the twins or is that thing that they do?

Come on. Come on back, Lou Ford. Danny Valencia? Yes. Come on. Danny Valencia. Bub, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's all I can do now in my head.

What's your name again, Josh? That's all I ever hear. Glenn Perkins got signed to a five-year deal yesterday. Well, Liam Hendricks is coming back to pitch. Oh, really? Liam Hendricks was signed by the twins yesterday. Oh, I thought he was retiring. No, he's, you know, he came back from his cancer diagnosis and pitched a little bit. Wasn't super effective. But he's had now some time between that and obviously the offseason.

Okay. He's 37. It's been 12 years since he pitched for the, the twins. I don't think he's being looked at as the closer, but he signed a minor league deal with an invitation to spring training. Okay. Well, that's great. Somebody texted it and said Brad needs to tell his ludicrous story. You have a ludicrous story? Oh, yeah. I've told this on the year before. We all forgot. No offense. Back 20 years ago, no it's fine. 20 years ago, when I was working for the twins, a bunch of us went out in January, went out to Vegas for a few days, and we ended up going to drive to L.A. for the day and went

to the Craig Kilbourne show, the late show with Craig Kilbourne when he was the host there. Sure? I'd sent him some stuff, and I got to know Craig a little bit, and so he invited us to come, and so we ended up sitting in the green room for the show, the back room, and Ludacris was one of his guests that night, And so we ended up talking with Ludacris for a good 20, 30 minutes in the green room. Me and my buddy. That's wonderful. Pretty sweet.

Now that you mentioned it rings a bell, rings a bell. I read one of those articles once were about celebrity encounters, good and bad. And this ludicrous one really made me laugh for some reason. Somebody said, Ludacris and his buddies were at a restaurant that I served at. And they ordered a bunch of appetizers. I brought them back. I brought him out. And then I went to check on them.

And Ludacris send the spring rolls back. And he goes, oh, I'm very sorry. And Ludacur's a little talk and goes, it's okay. Spring rolls are unpredictable. I just thought that was so cute and charming. That is. I realize it was an encounter 20 years ago for 20 to 30 minutes, but he couldn't have been nicer. He seemed like a great guy.

I've never heard a bad story about the dude. And he sounds like a deep thinker. Spring rolls are unpredictable. You know, you got your spring training this and that. You're right. We'll have plenty of that to cover in the coming days. Have we heard about this guy before? The ambidextreous pitcher, Gerangelo is the first name.

The second name, I don't know, cinchie? He can throw with both arms. He's a minor league pitcher that was traded for. They're saying, look out for this kid. He's in the Cardinals organization right now. He's amphibious. Gerangelo, Jinchi, Sinchi, I don't know how to say it. He should try swimming.

Swimming? Because he's amphibious? He's amphibious. Yeah, he's in the wrong game. He's out there in a lily pad somewhere. Who was the announcer that made that famous? I don't remember. I think he is part of the sunny gray trade with the Red Sox.

I'll go along with it. It was, I know who the player at the original call, he's amphibious. That was a National Basketball Association game many years ago. I know they were describing Corliss Williamson. Who's a wolf's coach? Well, he used to be. Now he's coaching for somebody else. Oh, yes.

Okay. But Carlos Williamson was driving the basket, and he scored a right-handed bucket. And then he came back down the next time, and he scored a left-handed bucket. And the announcer said, oh, my God, he's amphibious. Now, this here, we'll close out with this. This is for anyone in our listening audience who's out, ever had anything surgically removed? No.

Well, our listening audience. He's listening. Dana's listening, and he says no. Let me ask you. We're at 651-9-89-9-93. If you've had something surgically removed, did you get to keep it? Whatever they had to cut loose from your beautiful body,

did you get to keep it? I tried to keep my wisdom teeth, but they're like, no, you can't have them. Oh, really? Something about medical waste, yeah. Medical waste? Yeah. I wouldn't have thought that about teeth. What did they cut smooth off of you, and did you have the option to keep it?

Go ahead and text us. That was the first question we asked our soccer teammate, the guy who had to get his appendix out, and he famously or infamously in our friendship group, had to go to the bathroom before the surgery, and he passed out from the pain and got a concussion and knocked himself out hitting his head on the toilet. Oh, yeah. So we asked him, like, well, did you at least get to keep it? And he said, I asked, and they said absolutely not. The reason I bring it up a pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies by the name is Zach Wheeler.

He had a rib removed from his insides, and he kept it. Cool. I have a quote here from Wheeler. He said, I got a lot more self-filatio jokes than I thought I was going to get from the staff here at the hospital. I'll be honest, that was the first thing that came to mind. From the hospital staff, though? That's wow. He didn't really say that.

But after they pulled my rib out, they put it in a baggie and they handed it to me. me. So he has this rib now that was removed from his body, which supposedly still has a little meat on the bone. He put it in the closet in his house right now. Boy, I bet his dog is posted up at that closet. Oh, yeah. Scratching at that door. I bet that dog won't budge. I guess I missed my one chance to keep something because they asked when I gave birth, they were like, so what's your what's your plan with this placenta, you know, this organ. Well, you cook it, right? Some people do, yeah.

It's like, no, I'm good. I'm good on that. Do whatever you need to do with that. I don't need to see it. It's yours now. So far, I'm reading on our text machine that we've got quite a few people in our listing audience who have had things surgically removed. Yeah, somebody said that they kept their first born's foreskin.

Is that true? Just a little pinch between your cheek and gum. Oh, God. It says here a lot of folks wanted to keep items but weren't allowed. Right. They wanted to keep their – I mean, some people had chunks taken out of their heart and whatnot. Toonails. Oh, then you could give somebody a piece of your heart.

That would be sweet? Would it be sweet? I like the idea. It seems like the most common answer are people who had, like, screws or plates put in, and then they have them, you know, changed or whatever. Somebody said, what are you talking about, Ashley? You literally had a human pulled out of you and you got to keep it. That is true.

You said, whatever you do with the placenta, do that with the kid. Testicles tried to keep them, but they had to be thrown away. So I wonder, I mean, it must be a very short list as to what doctors will let you take home from surgery. You gave those away when you got married. What's that? I knew there was an easy joke there somewhere. Your testicles. Where do they usually end up, Brad?

Well, on your wife's mantle. Usually it's a purse. Purs, yeah. The wife's purse. Kidneys. Appendixes. Teethes. Bunions.

Oh, no. Is this for real? Someone got to keep their finger and their dog ate it. Oh, God. My dog would just munch that up. Oh, yeah. Nom, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num. Oh, yeah.

What would that sound like, Ashley? Numb, num, num, num, num, no. Yeah, they eat such gross crap. They eat literal crap, yeah. No, we only have one cereal crap eater. The others are moderate. The other one doesn't get an opportunity because you go out with her, and then the other one just has no business.

I've been very lucky. I've never had one of those dogs that, uh, dying. on its own waist. The dog that's awful. The dog that's like kind of like the bottom of the totem pole here. Low IQ? Yeah, he's beta, 100% beta in the house. He's the one that eats the crap.

So I think he does it because he ain't got nothing else going on. Crap eaters are unpredictable, like spring rolls. Yep. That lunacress always says. I won't get into the details, but we had one, and we had two dogs. Let's just say, you know, he had a variety. Or she, I should. It was disgusting.

Should you stop beating them less? Me and my husband had that conversation yesterday. He's out there munching all the time on the other crap. So, I mean, he shouldn't be as hungry, right? I mean, we pick up all the time. We just had to have them go out at different times. Because if he just sit there, she would sit there and wait. Oh, my gosh, you liked it fresh.

It was awful. Josh, did you get to keep any of your infamous polyps? No, they didn't even offer. And I never considered. You know, I was kind of drugged up. I didn't even ask. I imagine those would look cool, like feel cool, kind of like squishy little like marbles.

Is that weird? That's what I picture. Friday tomorrow, Randy Shaber and Brad Rader. Thank God. Thank God. Yeah, no kid. People are saying like this person right here, Bassler Jesus, hey, thanks for the timing of that

as I'm just finishing my breakfast burrito. Yeah, we are the breakfast ruiner. Well, at least you're not starting it. It could be worse. Exactly. We'll talk to you tomorrow. Randy. Thanks, Brad Ryder.

See you. We'll be back in a few minutes on the program. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune-tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns,

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And it spells relief for you. Next role with Vernon Davis, the transformative journeys of athletes, artists, and entrepreneurs. Ladies and gentlemen, lights out, Sean Merriman. I want to be the biggest and the best one I do. And so whatever it takes, I'll get it done in business and everything else. All I do is know how to fight and earn what I want. My man.

Malik asks, what actor, comedian, what you want to collaborate with? Me, Jamie Fox, and Kevin Hart in a movie. We said it on Vernon Davis podcast then, so we'll circle back and be like, yep, they go to clip. Next roll with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Have asked morning show, 93 acts. Oh, yeah, that's just absolutely wonderful. Are you ready to turn it up?

What is happening on the radio? Let's turn it up. Let's turn it up. We're doing great here. Did your nipple brush up against a button or something over there? You've got to get those nipples under control. They're, yeah. This is a great ending to the show for me.

It's great for us. No, I know it is. I think you're doing great. I'm doing it for you guys. On the radio. You're making sacrifices. It happens to everybody. We've all been there.

Thanks for listening to the program ski. I thought Josh was playing something at first. Hopefully your day isn't too much of a nightmare so far. That's our hope. So anyways, earlier this morning we were jaw jacking about a motion picture or two. Specifically what we covered, movies that were based on the Winter Olympic Games, don't you know? Like miracles and cool runnings and I, Tanya, and this and that, we can keep that movie conversation going if you don't mind.

And this is something that I support 100%. It says here, movies are better when the villain actually wins in the end. Oh, absolutely. You guys know that about me. I love rooting for the bad guy eight times out of ten. I love a movie with a dark, horrible ending where evil emerges victorious. Movies are better when the damn villain actually wins in the end. You don't, from past conversations we've had, I don't think you see.

support that, Josh? I like it when the good guy wins. I mean, there's certainly, like, good villains make a movie, right? Word. If the villain is hard to, I hate the ones where you know that villain's a chicken. Yeah. There's no way the villain's that tough or for whatever reason people are intimidated by this dork, that makes a difference. But if there's a good villain, I mean, that really makes a movie good. Or if it's somebody that... I still want him to lose, though. Or if it's somebody that, like, in other movies, they're usually portrayed as as the hero. So like I say, they cast somebody as like Chris Pratt as the villain.

Like that doesn't, that doesn't work. Oh, yeah, somebody who's like a super nice guy. Yeah. Usually. Yeah, I can understand that. They give some examples now of great movies where the villain actually wins in the end. I dig it. They start with seven.

What's that actor's name? Kevin something or another? Was it Kevin Spacey? Spacey. Kevin Spacey plays the sick serial killer John Doe, who pulls off his gruesome plan to perfection. That dude gives me the hebi-jeebies. John Doe's plan works and the whole what's in the box routine. Absolutely wonderful example of the villain winning in the end.

And I mean, come on. How old is that frigging movie? It came out in 1995. That's a long time ago now. And I think people, I mean, obviously, people still talk about it. It was perfect. Perfect. Watch his nuts with the big voice, Brad Pitt's partner.

Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman was so perfect in that end scene. You know, the look of despair and fear and, you know what I mean? Morgan Freeman was a big part of what made that end scene work. he was didn't know what to do pulled that one off perfectly no country for old men now here's an example of where

I did not want the bad guy to win and that's rare for me I did not want the bad guy to win because that Antoine Chaguer was his character name I can't think of the actor's name I hated that some bits from the get-go that's how good I guess a bad guy he was that he was so bad

I didn't even want a root for him. So that was one exception to my rule. I wanted him dead. I still haven't seen that one. Javier Bardem. Yeah, that's who plays the bad guy. Boy, that surprises me, Cubby, because you see so many movies and series, you got to get around to that one. I want to.

Everybody says how great it is. Terrific. You know how everyone's funny you just miss a good one, and I know that's on my list. Well, you know, I can relate. Here's a movie where I guess the bad guys win. I don't know. Never saw it. And if there's ever been a movie that I've had my balls busted more.

because I've never saw it. It's this one. The usual suspects. They say Kaiser Soze walks away, identity intact, never saw it, and people usually can't believe it when I say it out loud. But that's another example of a movie was probably made. Well, that's not the right word. It made the movie more impactful that the bad guy won.

Well, it's just such a twist, shock ending, especially if you don't know what's coming. if you're just watching it for the first time cold, you're just your jaws on the floor. And it's one of those ones where when you watch it the first time, you want to go back and rewatch it now that you know the ending so you can kind of see how they got there, that he was pulling this ruse the entire time.

Here's a listener with a question. In the Saw movies, does the bad guy win every time? I don't know. I only saw one of them. Yeah, some of them. He must be, he's still alive, right? They made quite a few of those movies. Yeah, he moves on.

Another listener says, I always saw the first one as well. Yeah, another listener says, hey, a murderer got away. and Shawshank Redemption. Yeah, I never looked at it like that. He maintained his innocence. The Empire goes ahead and strikes back. Yeah, it's a famous one. Okay, is an example of a movie where the bad guys win.

The Rebels get crushed. Luke Skywalker, I always wanted to punch him in his face. I never did until I watched it as an adult. Right, as a kid, I thought he was so cool. So did I. I wanted to be Luke Skywalker, but my... My God, he's a whiner. Oh, I couldn't stand him from the get-go.

His hand comes off and Darth Vader this and that. I can't remember. But, yeah, the bad guys get the upper hand there. That's where Darth reveals that he's Luke's father. Well, thanks. Spoiler. That's one last movie to watch now. Thank you.

I don't know Avengers Infinity War. Yeah, Thanos. Josh Brown's birthday. Oh. Yeah, he killed half the world. snapping his fingers. A guy went ahead and killed half the world. Yeah, 50% of the population was wiped out by Thanos snapping his fingers.

A fingers. Okay, God help us. The Wicker Man. It's another one I didn't see. Don't do it. I like the Iron Maiden song. Yeah, it's a great song. You got no reaction to that, Dana?

It's been years since I've seen it. It's a British folk horror film? Well, the original came out in 1917. Yeah. Yeah. That one that people talk about still to this day. I'm surprised Dana didn't say anything because aren't you a Nicholas Cage fan? Yeah, I do.

But this one has never been one that I really got into. Oh. It's so bad you won't believe your eyes. Just the one with the bees? Yes. That famous scene. You won't believe that this was actually stamped and approved and released into movie theaters. Now I want to watch it.

I got 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. It is actually so bad that. When it's on my television, I watch it to the final, final. Because you cannot... Not the peace! Not the beast! Ah! I'll love my eyes!

My eyes! Ah! That more sounds like somebody doing an impression of a scene in a movie. Yeah. Than the actual actor. That sounds so terrible. It's so bad. But also, it is, I'll admit, as bad as that movie is from start to finish,

the acting, everything. Nicholas Cage is just awful. it does frustrate me that he loses in the end. So that's another exception. I was not rooting for the bad people and the Wicker Man. I hated them. I hated them. A bunch of hippies.

Rosemary's baby, haven't seen it since I was a little kid. Never saw that one. But Rosemary realizes she's carrying the devil's child. That would suck. God, there's so many great heavy metal references in here. The Wicker Man, Judas Priest had that great song. Devil's Child. Oh, my God.

What a great song. Rosemary's Baby. Yeah, I saw it when I was 10. Can't remember. You know who plays a good bad guy, but doesn't seem like he'd play a good bad guy? Edward Norton. Oh, yeah. He's good at that.

But he just doesn't, he kind of seems like one of those actors that wouldn't be for whatever reason. Oh, yeah. He's got good range that Ed Norton does. He does. He's brought up here, Josh, in a movie called I'll get there, primal fear. Yeah. That was a good one. Another one's been years, but yeah, that's one if it pops up, I would definitely want to rewatch it.

He manipulates everyone in time. and he gets away with a grotesque murder. He's in a lot of movies where he's got a dual personality, Edward Norton. I can only think of the one. Which one? The one we just talked about here. Chinatown, no, what did we just say? Primal Fear.

Well, Fight Club. Never saw it. Yeah, I know you haven't seen that. I don't know if you'd like it, to be honest. Probably wouldn't. What else? Well, the Hulk, I guess you could throw that in there. Sure.

I don't know if that was. I forgot he was the Hulk for a stretch. there. Oh, well, I don't know if you call him two characters, but American History X. What a change he made in that one. Yeah. I love that movie. I can't watch that curb scene, but that is a very good movie. Very powerful

movie. Edward Furlong was a good creating that too. Yeah, it was a good one from top to bottom. China Town, that's an old Jack Nicholson movie, if I remember right? Here's one, then we've got to take a break here in a couple minutes. Here's one I know that Josh and I both liked a lot. Where the evil wins in the end.

and that's paranormal F-Me-Running Sideways Activity. Yeah. Am I right about that? I thought we both like that one a lot. Yes, and I agree. Usually I don't like the bad guy winning or the villain, but in this case, I was cheering for that villain. I love...

You don't recall that ending, I guess. I don't recall that ending. The bad lady who is part evil devil dog, kills her boyfriend and runs through town. Yeah, that one actually. Devil dog. I love that movie. I really do.

And I love that the evil escapes the townhouse and goes to the next neighborhood to start all over again. Oh, but we hated her boyfriend character. He was so annoying. He was a terrible actor and his character. But even if, even if that character had been tolerable, I was rooting for the devil dog lady from Word One. Fun size she just says in Titanic, the iceberg one. Yeah. You're right.

Come on, sink. And I broke rules. I'm sorry. You're right. Shoots it deer seven times and misses Jesus. I broke rule number one, a fight club. I did just talk about fight club. That's also rule number two, I believe.

Scarface. Well, I see, I don't agree with this. It says here, Tony Montana dies, but the criminal world continues unfazed. Wow, K-K. That's a bit of a stretch. Well, you take some punitive. there at the end. He does. He does. He tries to shake it off at first.

Scarface and Fight Club. It's funny we talked about those back-to-back because every single kid in my dorm room or dorm freshman year had a Scarface and a Fight Club poster. We kind of had to. Yeah. I think they handed them to us as we walked in. Well, we've talked about that with the show Cribs. Yeah. He had to have Scarface and Cristol. Yes. Otherwise you weren't a celebrity. No. You want to play? Okay.

The Departed. great movie you know now that I'm reading this list of movies are better when the villain actually wins I said earlier eight out of ten I root for the bad guy maybe it should be dummied down to six out of ten really because in the departed well I like jack nicholson's character a lot and his sidekick French I like those guys they were I was rooting for them I hated matt damon's character right from the get go credit to matt damon because he played such a perfect sleazy, murderous douchebag

dickhead, right? Yeah. So maybe it should be six out of ten because I loved it at the end when Donnie Walberg killed Matt Damon's character. I did not love that. I was so shocked.

But you wanted him dead, right? No, I didn't want him dead. You didn't want Matt Damon dead? Well, just because it's Matt Damon. Oh, oh, oh. You can't separate the man from the character? No, I love Matt Damon. But yeah, I was so...

Were you guys shocked? Oh, yeah. Well, in that elevator scene, too, about half hour before the ending? Great friggin' movie. Oh, then I'm confused. That's what I was talking about, the elevator scene. That's not Matt Damon. No, DiCaprio gets killed in the elevator.

Okay, that's the one I'm thinking of. I'm sorry, I got that messed up. Well, but all of the scenes were, both of the scenes were talking about were surprising. Yeah. So, again, I should go six out of ten because the final final on this list, I was also rooting for the good people. And that was a gone girl. Oh, yeah. where the wife is totally out of her mind, right?

I loved her. Frames Matt Damon again. Ben Affleck. Oh, Ben Affleck for murder. I was rooting for the good guys there, too. The whole time. I was so frustrated. It felt so bad for that dude.

I did not. What was? I just liked it. I was like, heck yeah. You liked? I just liked her whole plan. I thought it was devious. The gal can put together a plan.

She really can. Yeah. She has a career somewhere in the evil business. She's very intelligent. The half-ass morning show, 93X. Yeah, I hear you. Here's what we were covering on the way out. We were talking about movies are sometimes better when the bad guy wins in the end.

Or, yeah, I mean, maybe I can say it in another way. Evil winning in the end makes the movie. Like had the good guy won, maybe it wouldn't have had the same impact. People have been texted and people love to talk about movies. Here are some text messages that came on, that came in on the subject of the bad guy winning in a motion picture. Someone tells me that Chuckie wins every time. I don't know. I only saw one Chuckie movie.

Yeah, I saw two. Does he win every time? The ones I saw, he did pretty well. Yeah, he fared well. I saw the original and then I saw, I think it was a bride. of, wait, the bride of Chucky, or one of those where maybe 10 years ago came out. Jennifer, what's her name? Lily, Tilly, something like that.

She plays The Bride. Yeah, let me look that up. Did I ever tell you my going to the movie theater to see a Chucky movie story? I don't think so. I think me and my bros were about 20. Nothing to do on a Saturday night. So we went out and watched one of the Chucky movies, whichever one came out in 1990. I have no idea.

And it doesn't matter. So we're in the theater watching this stupid Chucky movie and behind us there's a set of 10th graders, a couple, a young couple behind us and they are absolutely mauling each other

in the seats. Full on hands down each other's pants moaning the whole world. Don't do that. Full on. I mean, her like feet are up on the chair. I mean, they're not shy about this at all. They're absolutely going.

for it behind us while Chucky is on the, my buddy Hot Tub, no fear at all, turns around and says to the young kid, hey, dude. And the dude is looking at Hot Tub like, why are you trying to talk to me while I'm going to third base on my girlfriend? And Hot Tub says, you're really going to do this during the Chuckie movie. And both of them kind of woke up and realized, oh, maybe we should close our pants. Sure. All right, I looked it up. The other one, what I saw was seed of Chuck. Oh, they had a kid. What was I doing?

It must have been a slow release week. I actually heard good things about the Chucky TV series, so I gave it a couple episodes, and it was awful. Was it bad? Yeah, I've never checked that out. You know, I like Devin Salwa quite a bit, so I thought I'd give it a shot, but no, it was very stupid. Here's a listener who says, how can we not talk about the movie The Watchman? Well, I got an answer for you, smart ass, because I never saw it.

But apparently that's a movie where a bad guy wins or the evil wins in the end, The Watchman. I didn't see the movie. I saw the series. I think that's what it was called. Yeah, Watchman. I never saw the movie. Oh, it was a series and a movie. The Gopher wins in Caddyshack.

Yes, he does. Then they kick in that Kenny Logan song. Sure, this is a good one. Silence to the Lambs, right? The dude gets away, right? Yeah. Blair Witch, I love that. I love that ending.

Blair Witch, where all the kids get... That was a good movie. Mold in the basement of the house. I like that. Oh, the thing. one of my favorite movies ever. I can watch it every single day. Yeah, the thing.

Evil wins in the end. Everyone's dead. The last two characters left. McCready and Childs. They know they're dead. You know, there's just a matter of time. I love that example, the thing. One of our listeners says every Friday the 13th,

Jason wins. I don't know. I always saw a couple of them. He kind of comes back to life each time. I remember one time he drowned, but then like a boat had a power line that was down and it electrocuted and shocked his heart back to life. Jesus, balls.

I know. They go to some lengths. He is one lucky son of a bitch, you know, isn't he? I always root for him to win. Yeah, me too. Any type of movie like that. Those college kids shouldn't be boning in the woods. They deserve to die.

Here's one where I was not rooting for the bad guy. I do like to root for the bad. Here's one where I was not. And again, it's credit to the character that this character was so bad and so sleazy and so obnoxious that I couldn't root for him. Jake Gyllenhaul in the movie Nightcrawler. Oh, yeah. I wanted him dead. Uh-huh.

I would have disagreed with this person in 1984, but this person says karate kid. Daniel was an a-hole. Such an a-hole. After I watched Cobra Kai, I realized that Johnny Lawrence was the good guy. He had so many convincing arguments. Even in the first one? What's that? Even in the original you prefer Johnny Lawrence?

No, I'm joking. Because if you watched Cobra Kai, he gives a very convincing argument as to why he was the good guy and Daniel was the bad guy. And that all started because of how I met your mother. The character Barney played by Neil Patrick Harris goes to that exact theory. And he says, I'm bringing the karate kid to this party. And then Johnny Lawrence shows up there. Well, that's not the karate kid. Daniel LaRoo is the karate kid.

And then he launches into that explanation. And I think that's what kind of started the show, Copa Kai. Is that what to start? Yeah, I'd heard that that's where it originated. That's hilarious. Funny Games is a wonderful example of when the evil wins in the end. I love that frigging movie. Funny games.

get us to watch that. But you know, Josh, when Cobra Kai became a thing, and I watched Cobra Kai, I at least tried to make it through a couple of the seasons. I didn't make it all the way through. It got to be ridiculous. But we, most folks changed their minds about which was the good guy and which was the bad guy, right? Yeah. Because, you know, Ralph was kind of an obnoxious, yeah. Well, not at the very beginning of Cobber cat. Eventually he got like, he was tough to be a fan of.

Kind of became obnoxious and entitled along the way. Ralph Machio's character did. And Johnny was so funny and so relatable. You know, the 80s rock guy. They go to the Twisted Sister concert. I'm never going to root against a guy who goes to see Twisted Sisters. I don't know why you think the show is ridiculous, though. It's not like the final season, the final episode ended with two characters dying in a yacht explosion. Really? Yeah, that show would, I had to stop.

Who died? Oh, God. What's the crease and one of the other guys? They, like, fought to the death on this yacht, and then, like, they started a fire, and the yacht ended up exploding. I'd never heard that. The last couple seasons, it got ridiculous. It was, like, a bad soap. Like, where are the police?

The police need to be involved. Right. This started as high school kids having a little karate rivalry. And I don't want to get, don't send me your lame spoiler alert text messages. Now I'm wildly interested in this. I've never heard that before. So the show ends with a yacht explosion. and a couple of bad people.

Just tell me because, again, forget the spoiler alert people. Johnny and Ralph, Johnny and Daniel, do they end on good terms? They do. If I remember correctly, yeah, they're buddies in the end. I wanted them to get along. And after watching Cobra Kai, why wasn't Johnny's the actor, William Zabka? Why isn't he a giant star? He should be.

Where's he been? That guy is so frigging funny. He should have been making shows the whole time. And I know what you're saying. You're going to go over your allotted time talking. about Cobra Kai? Yes, we are. Josh, do you think maybe William Zabka is satisfied and doesn't care? And just maybe by choice, he's not doing series and movies now after this.

It's got to be, because obviously he has the talent. Yeah. He is so good. He's so funny. Wonderful guy, wonderful guy to watch. So I'm going to guess that it was his choice. He said, look, I nailed this Cobra Kai thing. I'm 61 years old.

I'm going to let her buck and just go home. It's got to be, right? Yeah, fair enough. Because he, if I'd imagine he could be a. and whatever he wanted. Let's roll. Happy anniversary to Angie and Buddha from Nepal Jesus. Auntie Boobie's text in.

Oh, wonderful. I always love to hear from Auntie Boobies. Yeah, Auntie Boobies text in. A happy 18th birthday to her Niecy Bear. Happy early birthday shout out to Tam Bam Sheezus for tomorrow from future trophy husband, Jesus. Neesee Bear. Yeah, Neasy Bear. And happy birthday to Dizzy Lizzie Sheezes from Min Dot Radio, Jesus.

Out. The 93X half-assed morning. Show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get

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