93X Half-Assed Morning Show - DongDash

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

Originally Aired July 7, 2026: C. Willi Myles in-studio. Badge Bunny. Everything you wanna know about bologna versus steroids.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93x.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X Morning Show 93 I'm requesting this way That kind of took me by surprise The ending there It'll get you

I did not know that we had another Booz Cruise song to start the show Jesus you're on a roll Josh Well easy enough Let's be adults about this is the slogan I'll be damned Here we go We welcome you to today's edition

of the 93X half-ass morning show. She's a Tuesday, and I'm happy to announce for the first time in a hell of a stretch, when I look to my right, I get to look into the eyes of one of the most dangerous characters I've ever known.

She's... And a favorite of our listening audience, by the way. She's one of those whatever I do what I want types. Smashley's back with the program. Hey, guys. Hey, very nice having you back. I missed you so much. Did you know that song was coming?

I didn't know the song was coming. No, I had no idea that song was coming. You do have a note in front of you that says that song is coming. Really? Yeah. Hey, Ashley, I don't see a note. Just to show you how excited I am to have you back in studio after how long has it been, two, three weeks? At least that, at least that, something like that.

Just to show you how excited I am to have you back, I got you this hat. No, that's my hat. I bought you this hat. That's not true. Let's try to make the gal feel welcome, Josh. Oh, I got her something. This hat and it says, I'm just here to bang. That's a beautiful hat.

But I want to bang. I know, and I will let you bang. Oh, no, Josh, that hat belongs to you. Yeah, this was, I was telling the guys yesterday, Ashley, you know, we're going to wear those goofy T-shirts for the boat cruise on Friday. Oh, yeah. It's an attitude shirt showdown. Yep.

And I have, I bought my shirt, and then I bought this hat. which is kind of awful. A little bit. Just here to bang. And it's got a little firework at the bottom there. It's cute at the same time. Tell me how dumb I look. Hold on.

Yeah, it does look like one of those hats that doesn't fit well. Yesterday, Josh, told us about this new hat. You do look ridiculous in that thing. He told us about this new hat. No, I didn't get to see it, Josh. Can you start? Oh, yeah. Stand by.

He told us about this new hat. Attitude hat. You know, there's attitude shirts. There's attitude hats. And we said we'd like to take a look at you while wearing it to determine whether or not you should wear this in public. I think it looks pretty decent. Oh, really? I mean, I've seen way, way worse.

The slogan is silly. You know, I'm just here to bang. But the truth cannot be controversial. He's going to be there to bang. He's not going to bang anybody. No. We'll not be banging. I've seen way worse.

Can you do it one more time? Oh, yeah. You've got. Let me see. again. You've got a certain face that doesn't quite match the slogan. You know what I mean? And it makes your ears stick out even further than they. Yeah, that's what I can't get over. If you thought your ears were sticking out before you put this hat, I mean, it's even worse. It's your ears that ruin the experience. But it ain't bad. I think you should consider it for Friday.

Ashley's triumphant return. Yeah, I do want to say thank you to everyone. who sent their prayers and good vibes and donations, anything like that, it means a lot to me and my family. So that was really cool of the brother and sisterhood to step up and be there for me. They're good people. They are. And I'll tell you what, just being on the outside of it, seeing the support and having people reach out to us, you know, wanting us to pass along well wishes and stuff.

That was awesome. Very difficult time, obviously, for your family and really the extended 93X family as well. So thank you to everybody who did that. Yeah. And hopefully we keep getting good news. Yeah, no kidding. Of course. I mean, you called with some awesome news and, you know, what a change that was from what you've been dealing with for three weeks or so.

Yeah, the people at children's are pretty good over there. They know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. Yeah, it's a terrible thing, but it appears that things are improving, and we couldn't be happier to hear that. And absolutely, everything you just said about our listening audience. and the concern and the care that they showed, it means the world not only to you but to us as well. I mean, that's what it's for, right?

Supporting each other, the brother and sisterhood. So they shone in that regard. We did miss you around here. Big time. It feels weird without you. What would you like to talk about, seeing how this is today's about you, being back with the program.

What would you like to talk about? Oh, good question. Anything normal. The normal stuff we do. Yeah, fun stuff. Yeah. I'm going to laugh. I know we saw each other when you were gone, but do you recognize me because I lifted weights

yesterday for the first time in a very long time? I thought something looked off. Lived weights. My wife hates my face, so she always wants it covered with some sort of facial hair. You went and took to the weightlifting again. Yeah, she's been on me about it. Why? Telling me that she doesn't like my bod.

She doesn't say those things to you. What kind of weights? Just, you know, the kind that are somewhat heavy for a guy like myself. I'm still on the purple. I think eventually if I kind of work these purple a little bit, I'll get the blue weights. You know, I'll step up a little bit. I mean, what's the point? You're 50-some years old.

I mean, are you waiting for a call-up from the Vikings or something? No, nothing like that. I do live close enough for if they need me, like, on the practice squad, I could get there in five minutes. Are you a little sore? No, I think tomorrow's going to be bad, though. Are you taking some creatine? I take that for different reasons. Creotene?

Don't be one of those really old jacked people. Those always kind of weird me out. I'm like, why don't you just chill out? I don't have any plans, nor does my body expect to get jacked or anything. I got this, you know, our annual physical coming up. And I told you guys the last time the doctor told me about four times, dude, seriously, you got to start working out. That is so weird because that's never been said to me. And they've never even asked about my working out.

This effing doctor had no idea the effect he was going to have on you. You cannot let this go. And I'm so pissed off at this doctor that he's planted this seed in your head because this is a kind of thing that you can't let go. Well, no, it was just weird because normally they'll say, hey, you know. It was weird because what he said isn't true. Well, the strange part is just the delivery because at first it's like, hey, you know, you can probably stand to work out a little more.

I'm like, cool. Yeah, you know, that's what they say, right? Uh-huh. And then he brought it up a couple more times. I know. Just so you know. I mean, really, seriously, you should start working out. This guy's a dick. I liked him a lot.

This guy's a moron. And now, because it's been playing with your conscience so badly, now you're at the house pumping weights for no reason. Well, I got a couple of months to get ready. You're going to hurt yourself. I want to look hot for the boat cruise on Friday. I can get cut by Friday, can I? Oh, absolutely.

If I started yesterday? Do a fast. I got a steroid guy for you, Josh. You too? Yeah. Have you guys ever been offered steroids? No. Have you?

Nobody ever looked at me and thought I might be interested. I don't have the body type to where they thought, hey, this guy might be a target for steroid sales. Yeah, I was asked once. Really? That's amazing. It's probably because you used to hang out at the gym so damn much. That's exactly right.

It's not like you were approached on a sidewalk. No, my wife is a personal trainer, and she was training a woman whose husband is a personal trainer, and he trained me, like they just exchanged services, right? and he was like a big, he was like a big jacked up dude, right? Don't be too old and jacked up, though. No, that gives some of us the creeps.

Yeah, it makes some of us uncomfortable. And I think I was 30, and he's like, hey man, you know, if you're interested, I can get you some steroids. I kind of laughed. I thought he was kidding. And I was like, I'm a 30-year-old dad. Why in a million? I don't play any sports.

I'm not competing or anything. Why would I want steroids? A guy was looking to make some weekend money. So he was older than me. I mean, he was maybe 40 at the time. This is, you know, 21 years ago. And I told him, I'm like, you're on him? He said, yeah.

I mean, it's kind of obvious he was anyways? I'm like, is it true that it trinks your testicles? You asked him that. And he's like, you know, I'm not so sure. And I said, well, does it make you sterile or anything? He's like, what would testicles have to do with that? Well, I'm like, yeah, like, is it bad for, you know, you're cooling when it comes out.

And he's like, I don't understand. I had to explain to him a personal trainer who's supposed to know the body what the testicles are for. Well, they obviously make you a little dumber than the average person. Yeah, definitely. Would not buy steroids for somebody that doesn't know that. He didn't understand how testicles come into play, and I'm not trying to be cute with that, with reproduction.

No clue at all. None whatsoever. So this was like the ultimate. dumb jock. To the point where I thought he was kidding, because I figured, well, everyone knows what that's for. Did anyone else at the gym overhear this conversation that you and the big

guy were having about balls? Good question. I don't know. I was so enthralled and so shocked. Someone's over on the rowing machine. Some poor bastards on the rowing machine. It's his first trip to the gym and he's saying to himself, is that all they do around here is talk about balls? These guys are really into nuts.

They're not going to compare balls in a minute here, are they? Because I'm going to cancel my frigging membership. Get him all they're looking at them from the mirror. You know, like, all right, look for this angle. I wonder if I'd be a total dick on steroids. Like if it changed, because, you know, he kind of was, but this guy, I liked him

enough, but especially when he was training to compete, he was tough to be around. Because, you know, they're not drinking water. They're not eating as much right beforehand. And they're doing a lot of cardio, which they weren't doing ahead of time. Good question. I mean, I mean, you know, I'm from the 80s,

just like you. So they were everywhere. That's when they really gained popularity was in the 80s. And I knew guys who were on the gas. The rumor was it turns you into this angry animal. I don't know for sure if I ever saw evidence of that. Well, you see, back then, yeah, there were a couple of guys who were massive, caught animals, right? and they were also

volatile dicks. Back then, I would chalk it up to steroids. I would say, oh, that's a roid rage. But now that I'm older looking back, they were just mentally unhinged a hole's is what they were. I don't think the steroids played a role.

Back then, I thought that they did, now looking back, I think it was just their personality. They weren't wired right from the get-go. So that was one rumor. It turns you into an angry dick. The other was that it shrunk your nads. Yep.

Zitz. Back knee. Yep. And you lose your hair. Yeah, those were, I don't know if any of those are true. Right. But that's exactly back in the 80s, like you said. Am I missing one?

Am I missing one? I don't think so. I knew a couple guys that were on it, and they were jerks. But you're right, I think no matter what they would have been. One in particular. So you're thinking of one in particular? Yeah. What did he do?

Do you have a story about that guy? I don't really necessarily want to say, but he's never getting out of jail. I can tell you that. Oh. I remember who you're talking about. Now, that probably wasn't steroids. That was faulty wiring from the absolute get-go. What else is going on there?

Absolutely. So somebody here, I won't say their Jesus name in case they don't want it out there, but they take steroids and, oh, dang it. I mean, there's so many different types of the stuff now, right? Yeah, he said they don't make your testicles small. He's got three kids, so it doesn't make you sterile. Oh.

Interesting. So you're back to press and weights. You want the ladies to want you on the boat Friday. I mean, I've cheated a couple times, not on my wife. But to attract the attention of... You got so excited. This was almost going to be the greatest day ever. Your eyes lit up.

Ashley is back, and then Josh, you went on the side and you banged it. No, no, I never would. What are you talking about? Never would have the opportunity either. Of course you would. A couple years ago, remember... I could get you laid one hour into this boat ride on Friday. I know you love to play this.

Nobody wants me. It's not a game. I could get you at least a BJ within an hour of the boat on Friday. I realize it could have come across his false modesty. It's not at all. I'm telling you, I haven't had, and for a while, I was a gay magnet. And I don't even get hit by guys anymore. Nobody hits on me.

I know guys, gals, it would bang you within an hour. What are you saying cheating now? What's the cheating? I remember a couple of years ago, your buddy Big Al, who's one of the nicest, sweetest people you could ever meet. He'll do anything for you. Large Al. El Grande.

He brought me some. Dracar Cologne. Ooh. And I remember Al and I talking about like, this isn't even fair. I've got Dracar on. There's nothing women can do. It's so intoxicating that they're going to want to have sex with whoever is having Dracar. And this year I've already lifted weights at least once, so I'm going to be the,

I'm going to have the hottest bod there. I miss the cheating part. Watch what I'm saying. It's just not fair. Oh, I see. It's not like a winning personality or a beautiful face. Wasn't that the thing? the cologne I bought last year at Turtle Lake?

Was it your car? Yeah, I think so. I used it one night out in Turtle Lake. I smelled incredible. I still have the... You did smell pretty good. I still have that bucket of Dracar in my bathroom. So, so you're a little tight, you're a little sore, you're back with

the pressing weights. You're considering maybe taking some gas. No, I'm not. I'm on a one day streak. One day streak. So far, so good. There was one dude from my high school. There a couple of dudes when steroids first made it and hit it big, there were a couple guys that I can think back and the transformation was unbelievable. The body transformation that they went through.

Very obvious. Oh, my damn. I'm talking about a dude who went from a string bean to an absolute Hulk in I'm going to say I don't know six seven months it was friggin insane

and all of the well almost all of the cliches we discussed kicked in the dude's back was a Zit farm his hair dude turned into dust

his hair was just this patchy and he was 17 years old oh I thought of another stereotype that you get a roid gut. Like it's kind of a weird.

It's not like a normal fat that you put on. It just looks a little different, like more bloated, I guess. So I don't know if that's true either. I've seen it before, but I don't know if that was really due to steroids or if that's just somebody was built.

Okay, I've forgotten about that one. Sometimes you're eating a lot more, right? There are all these, sure, you eat a bunch of there are all these supposed traits of a steroid abuser. And I know there's probably a more modern term for it. What is it? HGH.

There's a term. they always use in sports. PED? Yeah. Performance enhancing. So forgive us for saying steroid over and over again if it's totally outdated, but it's the easiest way to put it. This dude just launched from a string bean.

His body launched into this massive weightlifting machine. And, you know, back to the conversation we were having on whether or not steroids made you a volatile, angry, violent person. One day, we passed each other in the hallway, and I knew this guy from day one. We passed each other in the hallway, and we kind of knocked shoulders, right? Like you do when walking in a busy place.

And it spun us both around as we knocked shoulders. And he, I mean, you know that, let me see if I can physically imitate this, Josh. You know that kind of that like tiptoe move that guys make when they get up into your face? Oh, no. Absolutely. You see what I'm doing here? When they tiptoe up into your face like this, just nose to nose.

After we knocked shoulders, you did that little tiptoe up into my face until we were nose to nose. And he goes, what's your problem, man? And I. He's so scared. And I said, Donnie, it's me. And I could see it in his eyes. that the rage was so high that he did not recognize me

for about a second or two there. I said, dude, it's me. And he goes, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, sorry, bro. And we moved on. So that was one of those moments where back then, I thought, well, that was Royd rage. But now, I just think the dude was squirrelly as all hell. You know what, the way you described it,

It's something I've thought of before where, you know, two guys are squaring up for a fight. Why is it that at first it looks like they're going to kiss? Their faces get closer and closer. Sometimes they're resting their forehead on each other. Because they want to. They want to kiss. Is this romance or rage? It might be because they want to kiss.

Is that what it is, Ashley? And there's that sexual tension? Yes, sometimes. I think Ashley's right, I think. I wonder what would happen. Let's just, I mean, how much would it piss the other person off? They get that close and you just kiss them? I know a set of brothers, a set of brothers who were just relentless with each other,

always starting trouble with each other. That was just what they did. Unfortunately, now one of them is gone. But especially when they'd drink, they would, there was always going to be something. And they would get nose to nose to where their noses are bending backwards. You know what I mean? You had to be there to see. but they would get nose to nose and then even press further until they're, you know,

just, you son of a bit, like, right. I mean, imagine any other situation where you do that. Right. You'd go up to me and say hello and you're pressing your face. What are you doing? Yeah, you would think this is a romantic gesture. Oh, God. I mean, I'm glad you brought it up, Josh.

I can't remember the last time we had a conversation, or if we've ever had a conversation about steroids. on this show, aside from when we talk about a baseball player or a football player. Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen anybody that has used them in person, at least. You probably have and just didn't know it. Yeah, I knew so. Oh, you mean like injecting it or maybe they're like just, I guess I can't think of any, or at least nobody in my life that I know has ever used steroids.

I knew some dudes. People are saying it gets your boobs? Is that just maybe because your body doesn't have to produce testosterone? I had heard that too, again, I have no ability to explain any of these. Sorry if we sound ignorant. No, no, no, no. I have no ability to explain these different possible side effects. These are just stories that we heard over the years.

Yeah, I remember that. That eventually, I think once you stop. Right. Because maybe your body's not producing testosterone anymore. Hey, I'll go along with, I'll go along with whatever you say. Oh, damn. Maybe it's time, Josh. Maybe it's time for you to blow up to this.

size of a friggin bus. Just walk around like a total a hole. We've had that around here. A swelled tick. That was the term my brother, you know, my brother being a weightlifter guy, he hangs out with these other power lifters and whatnot. That's where I got the term gas. That's what they'd say.

Yeah, that's Donnie. He's on the gas. And whenever a guy got too big from drugs and working out, you know, the guys whose arms don't quite ever their arms no longer have the ability to Yeah. Oh yeah. To straighten out.

They can't straighten their arms out anymore because their upper body's so huge it makes their arms kind of bow out. Then you wonder how they wipe. Right. That's what the other day would always say. Look at that swelled tick over there. Josh, if you do get on the gas,

please be the guy that only lifts upper body and no lower body. So you just have that jacked chest arms. The Dorito. And just the tiny little scrawny leg. I love that look. Oh, yeah. See, the guys that I've been picturing from the old days,

that was exactly their gimmick. Don't bother with the friggin' legs. Their legs still look like they're 11 years old. Right. No leg day. Everything from the waist up is just, Bumpa! Just, you can't even get through a doorway.

And they just got the little chicken legs. I went to a few of those powerlifting competitions. I've been a couple. With my brother. I love watching. Holy buckets. afterwards, just the garbage they all eat. You know, just donuts and pizza and chips and stuff like that.

You went and had a meal with them after it was old? No, just knowing some people that competed, you know, afterwards you go say, hey, congratulations or, hey, that's a rough loss. You know, what are you going to do? And then you'd watch just the binge eating afterwards. What was their specialty? Fitness model or fitness? Oh, yeah, we've had this problem before.

I'm not talking about the posing guys. Well, the ones, I'm just saying the ones I've went, I've been to bowl. Yeah, you're talking about the dudes that just, like, who can clean and jerk the most. Deadlift, squat. Yeah, those characters, I mean, I got a headache just watching them. Oh, just the level of red they can turn? Yes, they would turn red and then purple. No, thank you.

The arteries were looking to pop right out the side of their. I would almost get physically sick just watching them. Yeah, that sounds miserable, dude. Oh, it does. One of the most interesting couples I've ever met. The boyfriend was a competitive powerlifter, and at one point he held a couple of records. But I didn't realize, you know, there's rivalers.

Smallest testicles? I didn't realize. I'm sorry, that wasn't that funny. I enjoyed the hell out of it for some reason. I don't know if you heard that right there. That was obnoxious, and I apologize. I thought I had broken the comedy code right there, and it really wasn't that.

It was very predictable. It was very cliche. So anyway, you knew the guy. Right. I knew this couple. They were very interesting in the way. way that he had set a couple records in powerlifting. And I didn't know there was rivalries in this kind of stuff to this point where,

like people would say, yeah, but look at his arms. They're kind of short. So he doesn't have to go up as far like to set a bench pressing record. I didn't realize people would get that picky about it. But then the wife was a competitive eater to the point where she was like one dog away from qualifying for the Fourth of July deal, the Nathan's Hot Dog contest. She's so cool for that. She competed

regionally, and she was just one dog shy before. She was a competitive eater, and he was a... And she was tiny. Semi-professional powerlifter. And that guy was permanently red. Just his... His breathing was so labored because his chest was so big. Yeah.

Yeah. They get that redness. Don't be sending in friggin' filthy jokes about who is excellent at the clean and jerk. Oh, I worried about that after I. Well, you don't need to worry anymore because it happened. Yeah. Sorry, Josh.

Do you know, a listener says, do you know who's good at the old clean and jerk? Don't even tell me. By the way, it's the opposite order. It's jerk and then clean. It doesn't make sense to do it in the wrong way. I guess that's a good point. They say, you don't want to know? I'm going to tell you anyway.

No, no, no, don't tell me. They say, you know who's good at the clean and jerk? Don't. Dana. Really? Z. Dana's co-worker. Josh.

Mama. I held my breath that whole time. I almost passed out. You thought maybe you were going to give you off the hook there for a second? No, no, here we go. Oh. Got me. I'm just here to bang.

That is something. I know you're just here to bang. And I've got the hat to prove it. Yep, yep. You know, Josh, that I am the guy who's going to decide whether or not, you are allowed to bang. Let me bang, bro. Friday, come Friday, on our post-independence day booze,

I'm giving you the green light, son. I'm going to let you bang. Oh, I didn't even realize this on this hat. You know how like, what's that trend now where you got the little rope thing on the front? Sure. Yeah, I didn't realize it even had that. Sure, that has made a return.

Yeah, I saw, I've seen a bunch of young folks with that. You got to have the rope sometimes now. Can we go from steroids to hat styles real quick? Sure. Can someone tell me what the hell is the deal with the upside down words on hats? No, I don't get it. Yeah, that's very confusing. Oh, I haven't seen that.

Oh, there's upside down words. That's like a new trend. Yeah. I got to leave the house every once in a while. It's been around for a year or so. Now folks have an upside down word or two on the hat. I don't. Why?

What's the deal? Can someone take a 651-9-9-9-93? Who is responsible for the upside-down words? Is that like a young person? person thing? Yeah. Very much so. Okay.

Yes. And then they have to... Makes my head hurt. So a lot of the guys have that little mustache, Josh. Mustache is so popular. It's killing me. It's so funny. The little mustache. Have you seen it, Dana?

Oh, I've seen it. It's just like the movie Top Gun. They got the little mustache. I just get... Ashley, I'm happy that you're back. We all are. I'm happy to be back. Much better mood when you're here.

Have you been crabby? No. But it's still, it's better than not being without you here. Yeah. Never leave us again. We will find you. I'm sure we're talking about.

Look at the time already. We've had such a, we've been going on and on. We've got to get going again. But goat trucking Jesus has sent in a text. We're talking about working out steroids, the negative side effects of steroids. Here's a goat trucking Jesus. He wants to talk about the little dudes that walk around like they're tough.

Short guy syndrome. Sure, you could go along with that. He's got a different theory. He's got a different idea. But now those little dudes, yeah, walk around like they're tough. Goat truck and Jesus, I'm sure you're no spring chicken. I'm guessing you've been around for a while,

goat truck and Jesus. You don't need me to tell you this, but I'm going to go ahead anyway. Sometimes you've got to be careful of those little dudes because they're a lot tougher than they look. but I've seen we've all seen examples of that but he says those little dudes that walk around like they're tough they suffer from something called iLS oh yeah you know that one i said it inflated lat syndrome oh i didn't yeah oh he says invisible lat syndrome yeah and i've always heard it as inflated lat syndrome and you said it already i got a i googled the upside down thing okay on hats and i have no idea if this is true or not, but this is what Google tells me. It's to symbolize a world turned upside down by COVID-19, the pandemic.

What? And companies' brands kind of took off on that. So I have no idea if that's true or not, but that's what it says here. You see it's a world. I've never once gotten that vibe. We live in a world that's been turned upside down, everybody. And you know so by looking at my hat. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Are we back to the old normal? You know, for a while it was the new normal. Where are we at right now? Everything was the new normal. I think we're in the post-new normal. Post-new-normal? Yeah. I've heard that this era, Josh, it's the Abbey normal.

Oh, yeah, sure. Yes. You can get in some trouble with that. Abbey normal. In a world that's been turned upside down. You're a terrific crowd, and sorry about that I-L-S confusion. I got excited. I didn't hear you say it.

Local 34 Jesus. I apologize, Josh. I didn't hear you say it. You don't need to apologize. There's a lot going to. on. Local 34 Jesus. Anything that's

somewhat political, I love it, he chimes in. He's great. He says, ah, yes, the planemic. Oh, my Lord. How are you doing, dude? I've missed him the most. Oh, I bet you have. I love him.

I love him. The plan-demic, it was all a friggin' plan, and I knew it. I told you guys from the get-go. Yeah, you wouldn't shut up about it. Oh, you damn right, I wouldn't shut up about it, because you sheeple wouldn't listen to me at first. But now you know.

And if you need a reminder, I got myself an upside down hat. It's going to tell you all about it. Welcome back, Smashley. Thanks, everyone, for joining us. We'll try to collect ourselves here and come back with a stupid news report and just a matter of moments. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning.

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Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensated. benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-L-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Stupid News on the half-assed morning show. Stupid News Report on the way just for you. Small valve, even smaller weaners.

Jesus. I'm dedicating today's stupid news report to a listener who's texted in by the name of small valve and even smaller weiner Jesus. It's all for you, sir, because he just texted

in and said, nice five minutes of show and then 15 minutes of commercials. We were on the air from 540 until when, Josh. 10 after 6? Something like that. We had 40 minutes.

minutes of show. We'll talk all you want now for a while. Small valve, even smaller weiner, Jesus. I'm dedicating the report to you. I just looked it up. We went from 540 to 613. 613. Is it possible he tuned in at 608? Maybe.

And thought that's when we started. Small valve, even smaller weiner, Jesus. I dig your vibe. I dig the attitude. But let me just tell you something. The world does not begin when you wake up. I also love the people that are right. How have you not talked about blank yet?

We just spent 45 minutes talking about blank or whatever the headline of the day might have been. Are you guys really just going to ignore that? No, we covered it already. This is the deal. I'm going to cover you already. Please do. Today's the day, small valve. But what?

After these commercials. We'll be right back. Cubby's getting into pressing weights again. He was telling us a little earlier on this morning. Maybe you were listening. Maybe you hadn't woken up yet. I'm not entirely sure. So just to recap, Josh is back into pressing the weights.

I'm one day in. That's why I look so swole. He's going to get all lit up for us. And that started a conversation, a really unique conversation I thought, about steroids. Because you're considering steroids to boost your appearance and quickly. Yeah, I ordered some. Just now. Steroids.com.

Org. We got to talking about the alleged side effects of steroids. Now, these are just rumors that we heard when we were kids. I don't know Dick Tracy about steroids. These are just some of the things that we heard, some of the side effects, like it shrinks your balls down to nothing. It will F up your hairdo. All your hairs will fall out the top of your head, right, Cubby?

Yep. You'll grow zits on your back the size of silver. dollars. Oh, and your body overall turns a very pretty herpy color. Those are some of the stories we heard. Here's a text message from fiber splicing Jesus. He says, oh, great. Everyone must assume I'm on steroids because my hair is garbage. I have lots of zits on my back, and I have tiny balls. Might as well just do the steroids at that point. No kidding. Jewish Jesus texted in. And he said he's got a friend who just started taking steroids.

He's got a friend who just jumped on the gas. And recently that friend said to Jewish Jesus, oh, I forgot. I forgot about one of the other alleged side effects. The most obvious one, I think, I totally forgot. One of the alleged side effects of steroids is that you become this volatile, emotional, angry, violent person. So Jewish Jesus had a friend who's just jumped on the gas,

and that friend pulled him aside recently and said, You know, I've been really emotional lately, and I don't know why. And Jewish Jesus said to his friend, uh, yeah, brough, yeah, you're on the steroids. I, you know, I can empathize. I was in a situation like that where I went to the doctor. I was throwing up every day, every single day. And it was like two weeks worth in the morning.

I thought, well, I don't think I'm pregnant. Haven't had sex in a while. You're throwing up for two weeks. weeks? Yeah, and so finally I called the nurse line and they're like, you better come in. I mean, that's not right. So I went in and the doctor's like, every day, you know, look kind of concerned. And I thought, oh, no, I'm dying. He's like, is anything different? Like, no, it's safe. I eat the same things pretty much every day. There's no, nothing. And he's like, well, wait a minute. Says here you started a new medication two weeks ago. And I thought, yeah, okay, I don't, I don't see the correlation. He's like, well, you've been throwing up for two weeks, you moron. So it's the side of it. So it's a side of a minute. So it's a side of you. effect from this medication. It never occurred to me that that would make a difference. Stop taking the drugs. I've been taking medication for epilepsy for 30 years or whatever.

And that's probably why medication didn't even come to mind. It never came to. It was just something I normally did, but I did forget that they swapped out my medication and I didn't think that'd be a side effect. Everybody's been there, Cubby. You didn't think of the obvious. So I get it. Your friend's not thinking of the obvious. Remember that comic

we had in studio years ago? And just for the record, he hasn't been back and we're pretty thankful for that. But anyway, one thing I remember about this guy, on the topic of your general health, some of us are in better shape than others, this comic said he would poop blood. And this would happen more often than any human being would like. You know, if it happens once in a while, I understand there's nothing to be terribly concerned about. But if it ends up being a regular thing, yeah, you should probably have a conversation with a physician.

So he went into the doctor's office and the doctor said, what's the problem? And he said, yeah, I'm pressing out blood every time I cut one. And the cop simply looked at his face and said, when's the last time you had a vegetable or a fruit? and the guy said, Oh, she is. And the doctor said, once you go ahead and try, a couple of apples, maybe a banana,

maybe a salad, get back to me. And it was as simple as that. The guy was just eating, he was a comic, he was a touring comic, he just was eating nothing but garbage. I'm sure.

All right, on to the stupid news report before any of our listeners, bust a spring. Here you go, Wisconsin. You stupid bastards, Josh always says. I've never said that, ever. This one's for you, Wiscoe. Your behavior has made the stupid news.

You went ahead and made the report. But I am a little confused. When did the 7-1-fibers become classy? Did they change on us, Cubby? You're the one who always refers to him as stupid bastards. I've never said that. You know him better. the rest of us, did they go and get sophisticated on us?

There's plenty of sophisticated Wisconsinites. Tell me about them. Well, like when they drink a beverage, they keep the pinky up in the air. Sure. That's one thing. They have chauffeurs. They take them around. They use contractions less than maybe us Minnesotans would.

And I do not know why. But that's just a few things I've noticed. Here's why I ask that question. Did Wisconsin go ahead and get sophisticated? It says here out there, Summers in the 715 area code, a wedding reception went off the rails. A groomsman there at the reception,

he took to eating meatballs with his bare hands, and to be more specific on that topic, I believe what happened here was they had the buffet set out there for everyone to have dinner, And they had a big bucket of meatballs, right? With a burner underneath. You know how they do that whole gimmick? I've never cooked anything in my life,

so sometimes I feel the need to explain the obvious. But they had a big bucket of meatballs out there for the buffet. And dude just reach smooth into the meatball pile with his bare hands. It's disgusting. Raw dog in the meatballs. I mean, I've been that hungry before, but I've resisted. Instead of scooping them out with a set of tongs or whatever. So since when does something like that upset,

at Wisconsin people. The guy fisted a meatball or two. That's got to lead to violence in Wisconsin. Oh, I was waiting for a little bit more. Like, I thought maybe he did something crazy with the meatballs. Right. That's it. So Wisconsin.

Gross, but whatever, dude. That's a bit odd. They've changed. Yeah, it sounds like you wouldn't bobbing for meatballs. You know, just eating him straight out of the tune with his mouth. Did he fart on the potato salad? What did I mean? The guy grabbed a couple of meatballs barehanded.

Now, don't get me wrong. I understand that that's a bit gross. Yeah. But I'm just surprised that that would lead to any conflict in Wisconsin. I went to... Stupid bastard. Oh my God, I said it out loud. I told you.

It's always in my head. You always refer to the... I went to like a little dinner between neighbors, a situation. They had like a full, like a table full of food. And I didn't notice until I grabbed a couple things that there was tongs on like every single plate or like a serving spoon. I don't know why. I just like didn't cross my mind. And I was like, oh, shoot.

I've just been using my hands. I'm gross. Do you guys put the tongs back on those little plates? I usually do. It seems like the right thing to do. I get confused, Josh, and I often, especially when there's a big spread. I went to a celebration of life recently that had a huge spread. And so there's 88 different plates and 88 different tongs.

And I often get overwhelmed. And I think I put the wrong tongs on the wrong plate. And my wife is like, Jesus, what are you, an animal? You don't know where to put the... Or you use the one tongs for the first item, and then you still have to... gathering and grab the second item. They'll kick you out for that. All of that, yes, all of that.

I just, I just can't picture Wiscoe people being so uptight over something. So anyway, guy was grabbing up the meatballs with his bare hands off the buffet table. And that led to violence. Oh, by the way, Josh, I knew a gal from Wisconsin back years ago. Did you hear about this gal? she went on into the doctor's office and she said that her butt hurts oh no

and the doctor says well where does it hurt exactly and the gal said right there you know at the entrance so anyway this dude grabbed some meatballs someone hollered at the guy to use the tongs like a grown person that led to some nasty comments

being tossed back and forth then it turned into a punch or two being throne and then a full-blown fistfight. It's one of those things where this is the type of guy that everybody wanted to beat up beforehand and that was the final straw. I'm sure it's something like that. Or everybody was so drunk. Never been to a wedding that got out of control like that.

No, me neither. Nasty comments, then a punch or two, and then a full-blown fist fight. Before you could say, Don McCowski, some butlord upped and shot a couple of people. Oh, my God. He did. That was the situation. where the guy thought, look, there's no turning back now.

I got to shoot somebody. That was the meatball fisting and the, that was where he thought there's no other option here. I got to shoot somebody dead. Now luckily he didn't kill anybody, but he didn't shoot a couple of people. Now the bride.

How's she doing? This wedding sucks. She didn't appreciate her third or fourth career wedding reception being turned into a roadside gunfight, so she upped and chased the shooter smooth out the wedding hole. That's pretty awesome. I could see Ashley doing that for less. I could see actually pulling a gun on the shooter.

It's not the time. And dude did run away from this woman in a, what do they call it in the business? A wedding dress. A wedding dress. Yeah, I bet. I bet she was terrifying. You're right. I can imagine Ashley's just pulling knives out of her garter belt.

She's ready to attack. You call that a gun? She couldn't catch the prick. And the Wisconsin cops say they're still looking for this unbelievable imbecile. And they'll get them. I hope during the chaos of the fight, the shooting, the chasing, somebody went and grabbed those meatballs and just headed for their car with them. He said, these are mine now.

Taking these meatballs home with me. Right there at the entrance, she said, Josh. That's where it was hurting. Yeah, right there. Couldn't figure that one out. That's what you got to think about for a couple seconds. You got nothing still? No, nothing.

You got to think about it. A gal goes to the doctor's office and she says my butt hurts and the doctor says, well, where exactly does it hurt? And she points it. She says right there at the entrance. Nothing? Nothing. Well, you're out of practice. Just in case you're just tuning in.

Ashley's back after a long stretch and we're so happy to have her back. Very, very much so. I mean, it's been a couple weeks or so. Things are on the up and up at the Ashley House and we're all very happy. but I think this is proof that you're a little lot of practice. Do you get it, Dana? Yeah, I just don't think it's that funny. I don't think you get it.

If you got it, I think it was funny. See, now, Josh, remind me, next time Dana says something, and I'm not exactly pleased with it, make sure I let them know. Yeah. The entrance, guys? Yeah. Things are supposed to exit, Ashley. I don't know.

I got a lot of pressure on me now. Jesus. What do you mean? It's not that funny. It's frigging legendary, that freaking joke. Is it bad that I was like, yeah, that's what it is. That's what makes it terrible now. Ashley, don't let anyone ever tell you that that's bad.

It's awful. It shouldn't happen. What do you mean? That's what it is. Duh. A crime against humanity. Duh. Yeah.

All right. Here we go. A mystery vigilante. How do I say that, Josh? Vigelante is how I always. I liked the way you said it. Vigilante, that's fancy. Yeah, that's not good with this word. That's how they say it, Wisconsin. Fancy. A mystery vigilante. Okay, I'll go with your style.

You like the sounds of that? I mean, normally that's, I think, something that you only see in the movies. I don't know how often this has happened in real life. happens definitely. It does? Yeah. Like, I'm sure you've heard or seen the videos of those guys that stake out, like, douchebag child molesters and stuff like that, they go after them. Oh, yeah, those guys are awesome. They do what?

They kind of like a Dateline. To catch a predator. Yeah, to catch a predator. And they're not police officers? No. Sometimes they a lot of times it's dads, right, that are just going to catch these jerk wads that should be in prison. Jerk wads? I haven't. Not suggesting vigilante

justice should be something that... No. No. You've got to be decent at it. I haven't. I'm not aware. Sounds more like the plot of around 100 or so motion pictures I've seen over the years, the mystery vigilante. But, okay, I'm happy to know that there are some folks out there who are taking the garbage out, taking out the garbage here and there.

I mean, again, we're not trying to encourage it, but it's kind of interesting to know that it really happens in real life. The police in Mexico are looking up and down and all over town for a mystery vigilante that, the locals have took to call in Mexican Batman. Over the past few weeks, Mexican Batman has been clean in house. Five suspected motorcycle thieves have been found

duct taped to light poles with the stolen motorcycles parked nearby and someone even wrote the word thief across each of their foreheads. I mean, this is just tailor-made for the local papers, right? Yeah, this is kind of fun. They set this stage. Mexican Batman supposedly caught all these motorcycle thieves,

got the motorcycles lined up, duct taped every one of these peckerheads to a light pole, and wrote thief across their forehead. This must be one bad, some bitch. No kidding. It's got to be a tough guy. Or he gets the element of surprise, I suppose. The cops suspect that Mexican Batman has some, uh, Superpowers.

No, no. Good guess, though. Has some pals. Has some other peckerheads working with him, right? They don't think that there's one guy handling all this business. Not to ruin the image of Mexican Batman. I'm just telling you what the local police are saying. But how about that? Mexican Batman and his cast of characters, apparently,

came swooping down from the sky and they busted up some chicken dick stolen motorcycle operation. The cops have very little to go on, really, other than what they found. They're not sure of anything when it comes to Mexican Batman. They just know so far he's been grabbing up some derelicts. That is pretty cool. Mm-hmm. African-American Jesus says,

when you didn't get the entrance reference to the butt joke, Ashley, his first thought was, yep, Ashley does butt stuff. No. What was that listener's name? African American Jesus. He's a biracial angel. Love him. Waylon for Life Jesus said, just tuned in, and the first thing I hear is Ashley does anal.

Nice. Nice. Don't say that. Yeah, I don't know if anyone really directly said. that but oh god look out look out for mexican batman i wonder if he's got an outfit i hope he has an vehicle yeah i hope he has some kind of a it'd be a disappointment if he didn't some kind of a you know costume utility belt i mean of course people are texting in saying well he's maybe being helped up by mexican robin of course that's the easy answer and people are who was that oh shoot states states statesman

Salesman Jesus says that it's actually Mexican bat men at that point if there's more than one. You might want to put your glasses on. Oh, because of the reading thing? I know it's bad. Statesman was your first guess. Yep. What was the other guess you had? Stalesman.

Stalesman. Yep. And then the correct answer was salesman, Jesus. So for the record, I do know how to read. But I can't see that far anymore. You got there. That sucks. I need a bigger font on my computer.

I thought you were using glasses. I was, but they're kind of annoying. Oh. They're kind of annoying. Yeah, I just can't quite get used to them. Yeah, I understand. Josh, are you become that person that has like the most zoomed-in font on their phone of all time where you can like see it from space? Like at home, I'll wear my glasses.

Okay. No regerts, I always say. Yeah, your eyesight is turning into garbage. My hearing is just absolutely gone now. But all of this makes me want to tell the Blee's story again. Josh, do you mind if I tell the Blee's story? Of course. I'm sorry, let me rephrase that.

Of course not. Oh, I didn't even notice. Do you guys remember the Blee story? The word sounds familiar, but I think once you start going, I'll remember. We had this intern back in the day. Tim. Tim was a character. Josh refers to Tim now and again.

You don't know it because. We don't often use his name. But Tim was the classic example of the innocent little high school kid who came to the radio station to intern. This is back years and years and years ago when we had many interns who would answer phones and fetch coffee and fetch drugs for the on-air staff. Tim was the classic case of the innocent little high school kid who came to the radio station to intern and left a few years later as a complete derelict drug addict. Oh, yeah. His life was ruined. He changed.

He's like this sweet Catholic kid. I understand he's been incarcerated for years. The radio station ruined him. That's so sad. There's been a couple people. I wouldn't say ruined, but when we went from 93.7, The Edge, you know, an alternative station to... Oh, God, I hated it. Rock station.

Hated it. And the original 93rdx was a lot heavier stuff, right? Word. And there was a few people that said, oh, okay, now we work for a... like a hard rock station and they got sleeves, changed their outfits and everything. So their personalities changed. Yes. But it didn't ruin them, I don't think.

Yeah. Maybe a little more attitude. You're right. There were people who transformed their entire image because of the change in our format. We went from alternative, puke, vomit, hated it. Again, I need to make that very clear. I don't know why, but I always need to make it clear how much I absolutely despise those days. We went from alternative to hard.

Rock, and so all these characters went from Beck to Zach Wild. That's so embarrassing. Overnight. Their appearance went from back to Zach Wild. What if we turned into a country station, and then everybody around here started wearing like Spurs and Cowboy Hats and Big Bowls? He has his alter ego already. Dusty Spurs.

That's going to be my radio name. You're just waiting. Ashley's hilarious. He said that because I was so excited that 93X was back. the original 93X, I loved that station. Absolutely loved it. And so it was so great that it was coming back. But there was a part of me and Nick where we both said,

let's please change to easy listening or something where it made no sense. The outfit personality and tattoo changes. What would they do? They would have been stuck. They would have been so screwed. I'm over here looking like Rob Zombie. And now we're going to be playing tears for fears and Lionel Rich. I never told the plea story because we get going.

this way, that way. So Tim is here interning for us. This is decades ago. Come on. And this was back in the day when the telephone would ring. Telephone doesn't really ring around here anymore. Now it's all text messages. But we were giving away tickets to go see Power Man 5,000 or some horrible rock band. And Tim was in charge of answering the telephone, you know, and okay, you're the winner. You win tickets to go see Power Man 5. And then he was to hand us the name of the winner. so then we could announce it on the air. And so we're live, you know, we're live this entire time. And he hands the piece of paper with the winner's name to my on-air partner at the time.

And my on-air partner says, the winner of the Power Man 5,000 tickets is, hang on a second. B-L-E-E-E? And Tim says, yeah, B-L-E-E. Nobody's named Blee. And my on-air partner says, you're sure about that? And Tim goes, yeah, yeah, I just talked to the guy on the phone.

B-L-E-E. That doesn't sound like a real name to me. And Tim's like, well, it is. The guy I was on the phone with him, two days. That his name was Blee. And to my on-air partner says, you know what, F this. And he picks the phone up live with the winner still waiting online. He picks up the phone and he says, sir, welcome to the 93X, whatever we were called back in the day.

What is your name? And the guy says, Lee. L-E-E, my name is Lee. And so then Tim's like, well, I thought, and we're like, well, you thought what? There's no human being on planet Earth named Blee. You couldn't put two, and you couldn't do that on your own and maybe figure out that the... The fact that he wrote it down and confidently ended it too.

There's a lot of steps in between. He didn't look at it going from one studio to the other. I know it's you're getting through stuff as fast. You're trying to get it on the air, but yeah, that's something you think would register. there is. And then Tim, you know, he would take these things so hard. Then he was just depressed for the rest of the day. That's when he started turning to hard drugs. I think I told you this before, but I was introduced to now a friend of mine. And they said, hey, this is Darren. And I was like, Darren, nice to meet you. And I, six months after knowing him, he's like, hey,

I got to correct you. My name's Derek. I said, well, why wouldn't you have said something after all this time? And I kind of get it because he's like, well, at first I, you know, I was uncomfortable. And then it was going on for so long. I figured I can't say anything at this point. The guy's got to help you out at some point. He shouldn't wait six months to help the guy out. I felt like the world's biggest trick, but I had no idea. He was introduced as Darren. He went along

with it when I first met him. And then I find out later it's Derek. When you first started that story, I thought you were confused Aaron with Darren or something like that. But Darren and Derek are very different. Very different. Sports on the 93X half-assed morning show.

Until we go, the morning show, and say this way. Too, we got another little tune here to celebrate this Friday's post-independence Day booze cruise. We're getting there. That's a cute one right there, Cubby, nice work. Listener texted in earlier and said your post-independence Day booze cruise songs with the theme of the trip, which is, let's be adults about this. they say that your

songs are sounding a lot like late 80s Hank Williams Jr. Yeah, a little bit. I'll agree with that. It does have a Hank Jr. ring to it. You ever gotten drunk, Josh, and sang family tradition out loud?

No, not yet. Oh, gosh, so many times. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a popular one. So many. I'd have to have the lyrics. Family tradition. Why do you drink?

hit me with it, Smashley. It's not that difficult. Why do you drink? Why do you smoke? And then you holler to get drunk? Oh, to get drunk. Why do you? Okay, forget it.

Just frigging forget it. I have to hear more of the tune a little bit. I got to like get into the mood. Sure. Yeah. I understand. I don't understand. Josh doesn't understand.

I'm looking forward to talking about that soccer game later. Randy Shaver will be joining us at 7. This is going to be fun. We're going to talk about that soccer game last night. The United States soccer club played in the World Cup, and it was pretty funny. It turned out to be pretty good comedy. They got what?

They got curb stomped. The twins play tonight at home. You got a few home games in a row. Yeah, a lot of them. Also coming up at 730 when Randy Schaver dives into the mix, he's going to, I think, really enjoy this story of a golf cart crash. Dude, of course, had a terrible. one a number of years ago. Everybody knows it. Randy

Schaeber drove his frigging golf guard into a pond. He almost drowned himself and a cameraman. Legendary stuff over there. What's the name of the golf course? He plays at Bush. Rush Creek. Bushwood Country Club. We got a guy. This guy did it even better than Randy. We'll be telling you about that in a half hour. But right now we've got to take a break. Josh has his news coming up.

Air conditioning. The Love of My Life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on to Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back.

With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits

for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to BialkiLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Idaho-Ho Neighborinos. 93X. Half-assed morning show.

this dude and we go, hey, why is your private parts not private? I mean, why are you exposing yourself? Florida has done it again serving up another police report, which somehow manages to both be hard to believe and completely unbranded after a Florida man attempted to pay a DoorDash driver with his nuts. Authorities say 57-year-old David Thorson exposed himself to a DoorDash driver, then blamed the whole bare business on an unlikely culprit, his cat. As a woman arrived at his home to deliver food, Thorson answered the door, apparently deciding pants were optional, wearing nothing but a t-shirt.

That's my sex outfit. Yeah. The driver reported the incident to law enforcement, and while deputies were responding to her house, the sheriff's office received another call about Thorson wandering around naked. Deputies eventually caught up with Thorson after the DoorDash and Dongdash incidents and asked why he exposed. himself. Yeah, why? According to police, he offered deputies a pretty unbelievable excuse,

saying, you see, I took off my clothes because my cat scratched me. Oh, that's usually what I do. Yeah, you don't want to get blood on his on his clothes, okay. Thorson was charged with vulgar public nudity and violation of probation stemming from prior charges. Oh, he's shown it before. Well, these charges were a little different. Oh. Carried a concealed weapon, possession, of methamphetamine, but not his penis, possession of methamphetamine and possession of drug paraphernalia. There's a lot of reasons to stay away from this guy. Yeah, absolutely. Cat got him all scratched up. He had to get nude. Ah, that hurts so bad. I thought he was going to blame it on the food. He, right? Yeah, like, gave him diarrhea and he needed quick access. Well, I don't know.

I just thought maybe he'd blame it on his meal because he had just partied with DoorDash. Well, let's keep an eye on this some bitch. Not every cat story ends with someone having to explain their penis to deputies. Thankfully, this feline feature involves considerably less unsolicited exposure and considerably more espresso. Cats and coffee are a winning combo, apparently. And Minnesota isn't just raising the bar, it's raising the fur in that regard. Turns out two of the countries, best cat cafes right here in Minnesota. Cat cafes.

Were you aware of this? that we had a couple of this that they existed yeah yeah definitely oh according to the latest USA Today top 10 readers choice poll cafe meow in Roseville landed at number eight so that means you bring your cat into the joint I think it has cats there cats there oh you have a cat there and then they serve the cat serve you coffee they cute little aprons come over and sit at the table with you okay now I understand what a cat cafe is wired whisker in Duluth clawed its way and number three on the nationwide list. Topping the list at number one was House of Black Cat Magic in North Carolina.

Have you gone to one of these joints yet, Josh? No. Do you like cats enough? You know, I used to be allergic, and I lived with a girlfriend and I had a couple, and I got a little better. So I don't know, I haven't been around a cat, and I guess since I've been to your house last year. I like those some bitches. Didn't you have a cat once throw up into your mouth for you my mouth? Oh, too, and I forgot about it.

That's so messed up. It went cat digestive system. Yes. Cat mouth, Josh mouth. That's not right. Can I tell you something, Ashley? You were nude at the time, weren't you? I was.

I was in the shower. Right. It was very hot. Tangy? Tangy, you know what I mean when I say? Yeah, I bet. I heard the cats and dogs, they'll wind up sometimes before they're going to barth them.

And I didn't know what it was because I had the shower going. Couldn't hear it. So I stopped the masturbation. and I opened up the shower curtain, and right next to where my head was, there's a little shelf, and the cat was up there, and he liked to peek on me showering. I get it. What was his name?

Fletch. That's stupid. I loved it. And so the second I opened the curtain, my mouth is open, about to say, oh, no, he's about to puke, and he puked right in my mouth. That's so poignant. I developed cat powers afterwards. Because he gave him that frigging name.

That's one of my favorite movies. I love the movie Fletch. The southwest corner of Minnesota is standing by the notion that size does matter. Southwestern? That's correct. I'll be down. As they're now... They don't get talked about enough as much as maybe other parts of Minnesota.

Would you agree with that, Josh? I totally agree. This is probably why they did this. They're now the home of the world's tallest nutcracker. Oh, nice. The new attraction in Laverne, a town that already claims more nutcrackers than residents, stands along U.S. 75 next to longtime local business, those blasted things.

Visitors won't have to strain to spot it. At 65 feet tall, the giant is impossible to miss and can now be seen from Interstate 90 near the South Dakota border. While the statue's not yet been formally recognized as the tallest nutcracker in the world, it stands nearly twice as tall as the current record holder in Nutsack, Germany. Sorry, Newhausen, Germany. We've just needed something to pull people off the interstate.

The people coming in here were double and triple, the amount of people just overnight. We know he's the tallest because he is almost twice as tall as the current world record holder. The colossal cracker was designed by a local resident and took several years to complete before being privately funded by the nonprofit just for nuts. Once the electrical wiring is done, the giant nut cracker will have a working jaw and be able to bust a nut for real. Laverne's obsession with nuts is nothing new. The city's home to the third largest nutcracker collection in the world, thanks to a resident who collected more than 6,000 nutcrackers before donating them to the town's History Center.

Hi, I'm the crazy old lady that has the nut cover collection in Laverne, Minnesota. The collection already draws thousands of visitors each year, and residents are betting big on nuts, hoping the giant newcomer will give the town's tourism economy another boost. Laverne, Minnesota, huh? Yep. That's a funny spot. You're damn near in South Dakota.

You're damn near in Iwoegen when you're in Laverne. I like the way that old timer put it, too. We're looking for something, I think he put it this way. We're looking for something to pull people off the interstate. Yeah, yeah. I know a couple guys here in Wizzetta that they don't like LeVern so much. Oh, why not? Bad experience?

Suddenly Leverne is in the same hockey conference as Wisetta for some reason. Does that make any sense to anybody? Absolutely not. So like twice a year they got to go all the way to Laverne for a meaningless pee-wee hockey game? Oh, man. They hate LeVern for that reason, Josh. They have their Nutcracker Fest this weekend, if you guys are interested. I never really got in those.

Nutcrackers? Oh, I love them. Never saw the apparel. Really? Yeah. The bearded guy. I love the Christmas ones. Absolutely love them. Why? I don't know. It's just maybe we had some as kids.

Do you have varying sizes of them all over the house come the holidays? Affirmative. I want to get some of the kids. of those huge ones? What did you say? Affirmative. I want to get some of those huge ones, you know, you see outside people's homes, but I looked into the price and I'm not going to be able to get one of those. Huh. I wonder how did that start? How did your love of nutcrackers? I think it's just because when I was a little kid, like my grandma had a bunch of them, and it was just so associated with Christmas. You are kind of a Christmas whore. I am a bit.

Yeah. So, yeah, I've got a handful of them. And do you actually crack nuts and sit there and eat them by the fireplace? No, not at all. My grandma wouldn't let us, you know? We had a, just kind of a boring metal nutcracker. We couldn't use the actual nut crackers for that. Your grandma wouldn't let you eat nuts? No, she'd let me eat nuts. Because it would create a mess? But she wouldn't let me crack them in the nutcracker.

Oh. We just have to have. I see. Just the tool. It was decorative only. Yeah. Okay. Not the British military member or whatever it is.

Unbelievable that, who was this? Who the hell said this? Some friggin bastard just texted in and said he's been to Laverne before. It's right over there by Shirley. Oh, you know, I was wondering if somebody's going to say something like that. You dick. Who was that? It was there. What happens? Sometimes it's there and then it's gone. You know what happens with our text machine? No, I have no idea.

Yeah, if somebody, if they text twice, gone. If other people text it at the same time. I want to know who to light up for that terrible joke. Pro tip, if you're going to go around pretending to be a police officer, don't pull over a car being driven by an actual police officer. Love when they do this. And that's a lesson a man in Florida learn. hardway last week. According to the Hillsboro County Sheriff's Office, a black Chevrolet Suburban activated red and blue emergency lights while following a vehicle, the driver definitely didn't realize was an undercover sheriff's office vehicle. Didn't take long for the deputies to flip

the script and conduct their own traffic stop on the suburban. During the investigation, officers found a pistol in a legal emergency light setup and an additional two-foot emergency light bar. This individual's actions were dangerous, deliberate, and illegal. We will aggressively pursue anyone who attempts to impersonate a deputy and use that deception to intimidate or endanger others. The sheriff, Chad Kronister said. Wow, that's a mouthful right there. But well said. Well said.

Oh, thank you. A similar incident occurred last month in Maryland. June 15th, authorities say a man attempted to pull over a police officer driving an unmarked car. Investigators report the suspect was driving a Ford Taurus when he came up behind. the unmarked cruiser, activated red and blue emergency lights, and initiated a traffic stop. The cop got out of his car and approached. And because nothing says, I'm definitely a cop, quite like immediately retreating when you see a real cop, the real officer activated the real cruiser's emergency equipment and the fake officer quickly headed back to his own definitely not a cop car.

The suspect identified himself as an active duty deputy sheriff with the St. Mary County Sheriff's office and a retired officer with the Metropolitan Police Department, which according to investigators, was all BS. He was charged with impersonating a police officer and illegally using red and blue emergency lights on his vehicle. Dushbag. Yep. Obviously, we hear plenty of stories about people impersonating police officers, just like the last two. Yeah. Usually it's some wannabe badge bunny trying to boss people around. But this next guy wasn't chasing power. He was chasing cheap, We all love a good discount, but there's easier ways to save a few bucks than pretending to be a law enforcement. A 59-year-old Texas man was arrested after allegedly trying to get a Chick-fil-A discount by claiming he was an off-duty officer.

That plan would have worked a lot better had it only been true. The man who was visiting a Chick-fil-A in McAllen, Texas, told employees he was on duty just out of uniform at the time. Then he placed his drive-through order. But when an employee asked to see identification, the plan flew the country. Coop because he wasn't a cop. According to the actual cops, the man showed the employee a black leather wallet containing a silver metal badge with a star in the center. That ought to do it, right?

Then he asked for his law enforcement discount. But his request hit a roadblock because the employee checked with a manager who denied the discount because there is no company-wide law enforcement discount policy at Chick-fil-A. That decision is left up to each individual franchisee. Is that right? According to employees, the customer became irate after the request was denied. Just like a cop would. Right.

Wait, I want my half price. So much so that investigators said a chick-fil-A general manager had to step in. Authorities charged the man with false identification as a police officer, which means he could spend up to 180 days in jail because he wanted some cheap chicken. Loser. He is a loser. And like it makes it even better that even if it was like even if it worked out for him in line. Like they still don't do that.

Hey, I'm sorry, we don't do that here. Have you ever heard what cops call that a place where they give you a discount for your police officer? Give it to me. Friendly. Friendly. Yeah. Ooh, this place is friendly. At half price or even better.

One man's apparent unfamiliarity with one of America's most infamous cautionary cliches turned in innocent gesture. turned an innocent gesture into a police hunt. A report of children running from a man offering candy from a white van sent the Maryland community scrambling last week, triggering a viral police alert, which ended just hours later with an unexpected phone call from the very man investigators were trying to find. The stranger danger moment unfolded about noon on Tuesday

when police were called after children reported an older man in a white work or camper-style van offered them candy before driving away when the kids ran. Fearing the worst, cops rushed to investigate and asked neighbors to check doorbell cameras while sharing photos of a similar-looking van across social media. The post spread faster than your aunt at George Clooney meet and greet. By late afternoon, police announced they'd identified that driver

because he called them himself. According to investigators, the older man saw the viral post, contacted the department identified himself, and agreed to an interview. He admitted offering the children cams, as he left a work site, but told investigators he never realized how that gesture would be interpreted. Is that right? Detectives verified he had been working on a nearby home and determined he had no criminal intent. He was just being nice.

He was being nice and realized, oh my gosh, I'm in some serious trouble here. Got some candy? Kids like candy? Why not? That is effing incredible. He really had no idea. I thought everybody had heard. Was this guy fresh off the boat from some other part? part of the world? You know, he didn't say that. Because I can understand that if you're from some faraway place.

So the kids were never in any danger. Not at all. Except maybe cavities. That's about it. Diabetes? Yeah. Now they said this guy met no harm at all. He was just trying to be a nice old timer.

That is hilarious. Didn't understand the reaction at all. He's never going to do a nice thing again. Half me. You know, we were working a 93X promotion and we had a huge bowl of candy. cool, you know. Everybody loved candy. Yeah. And I was handed that out, and even I felt weird about it. Like, I'm

in the, obviously, I'm working here for the station, and you know, it's part of it. Probably nobody's going to think I'm some sort of pervert, but I did have to joke about it as I'm handing out free candy to strangers. I even worried about that. This guy had no idea. With a big station van

nearby. Right, exactly. And eat a windowless station van. Now I think about it, you made it worse. You kids want to come in here and smoke a joint real quick. Come on, come on, kids. All the cool kids are doing it. Avenge seven-fold guitar, Sinister Gates, 45.

Today, he's a guitar genius, in my opinion. You like what he can do with that damn thing? Absolutely awesome. Happy 31st to SRT Magnum Jesus, and for the love of Pete, welcome back to our dear friend Ashley. So good to have you back. Thank you, babe. And that's 93X News.

Randy Shaver. on the half-assed morning show so what kind of wips we roll in these days man I know, Melo, you got like 12 cars, man watch out he said watch out oh you got a driver they said you was too busy running in the folks man keep his ass in the back

LeVar Ball right there that's LeVar Balls he's going to be a thing in this town now soon enough with one of his kids playing for the Timberwolves we'll get to more on that subject in just a minute. Hello, Randy Schaver. Hello.

And let's also welcome C. Willie Miles into the mix. Hello, Willie. Good morning. How you feeling, C. Willie? I feel like a brand new man, Randy. Now, you know, the overall health of the members of this radio show is iffy. I don't know what's happening. For sure.

Everything's happening at once. When you collectively look at everyone involved in this radio show, the overall health, is iffy at best, including our guy. here, see Willie Miles. Do you want to explain to us what's been going on with you lately because it's really interesting and we're really happy to see you up and around and looking like yourself? Yeah, man. So about a couple of months ago, I went to my eye doctor and was, the last couple of years I've been having a little problem with my sight and not being able to just basically tunnel vision, basically is what I had. And I was like,

explaining to both the optometrists that I had before that when they give you the eye test, you close one eye. If I was looking out of my left eye, I couldn't read the first two letters. And then if I was looking out of my right eye, I couldn't see the last two letters. Okay. And they just kept changing my prescription. Well, this new lady looked into my eyes with a doom machine and did some different things and realized that she had seen what was happening to me before.

that happened was she told me that I had a tumor on my pituitary gland. God dang. That was pressing down on, what is it, the octal nerve? Optical? Something like that? Yeah. Yeah. It was a big word, big medical word. That's not what you expect to hear at the eye dot. No. And she said that is not, that's not my thing, but I'm going to refer you to a doctor or get you an MRI. And they got an MRI and it was confirmed. And it was a golf ball size. Jeez. And it was just sitting there in your head. Yeah. And so I did that and I had to wind up going seeing endocrinologist and then I had to go see a neurosurgeon consult and the E&T

consult and then they wind up getting me in for surgery down at Abbott and pulled it out. And it turned out to be a snowman. He said he'd never pull one out. So it was a golf ball size. with a almost like a, what do you call it, a jawbreaker behind it, that size. A little snowman, a little tumor snowman. And they pulled it out, how? Nose. So they went up my nose, so they didn't, you know.

Pulled it smooth out of your nose. Smooth out of my nose, brother. Oh, man. And it was a three-hour surgery. And it was pretty scary. Oh, I have been. You know, anytime you click and people are working on your brain, man. Yeah.

You know, when you've got to go see a neurosurgeon, that's your head. That's your brain. And he's telling you with the calmness of, you know, Joe Namath in the huddle calling the play. You know what I mean? He's seen it a million times. A million times. And I'm looking at him. I'm like, I need you to look a little bit more.

When they show you the head and he showed you exactly, he's done it so many times where he has an actual mockup of the head, how it's going to come out, how it pulls. it out of your nose, blah, blah, blah. He said, but I need the E&T to shine a light up one nose, up one nostril. So they both working on me at the same time. I'll be down. And they've been doing this together for 15 years, and that's the thing when the, you know,

the nurse came in, the scrub nurse that was going to be working. She said, I'm going to tell you right now, you're working with two of the best. She said, that's all I can tell you. You're working with two of the best. And that must have felt great to hear that. It did. It did.

And they've been doing it together for. Let me tell you something. You got a couple of rookies here. But it was a guy I don't want the guy I think they knew what they're doing I got a pretty good vibe that they could do the job correctly

but it was it was great and I came I came through it fine I only you know there were some things that happened that was not informed in which it will be on my next show

September at Kroonish You got some material So I got some material Yeah yeah There was some things that that they did to me That I was not aware

That was going to happen Like they told me about the whole operation but it was the other stuff. There was some other stuff. There was some other stuff. Some ball stuff? Right.

It was some ball stuff. There was some ball stuff. It was close to the balls. I know what you're saying, though, about somebody reassuring you if they're the best. I had a surgeon, and I met him for a pre-consult or whatever, and he was the most arrogant jerk I've ever met. And he's like, listen, here's the thing. I'm the best at this. Oh.

There's nobody better. As a matter of fact, there's knuckleheads around the world that call me for my opinion. And I told my wife, I'm like, I don't know if this is my guy, such a jerk. Why is he got to be such a hard on about it? Oh, he was, I mean, really over the top. Like, you know, sometimes surgeons get that reputation. I know. Yeah.

And I thought about it. I'm like, well, wait. Yeah, I guess I don't want a guy saying, I guess I'm pretty good at this. I can't. I mean, I'm pretty good for the most part. I can't think of the movie I was watching. And it's about a surgeon. Gifted man, I think of what it was called, a gifted man.

Yeah. and it was a series that was on TV. And that's the kind of surgeon. He was an actual neurosurgeon. And that was exactly the way my doctor was. I mean, he was the, like, I looked him up. Of course, my wife, she researched his doctor repeatedly. Man has three engineering degrees from MIT.

Oh, wow. And he went to medical school at Harvard. That's the guy you want on the job. That's the guy. Yeah. And I suppose, Josh, you're right. If the guy's going to have a little bit of attitude, hey, man. Okay, you're that damn good, prove it.

That's my guy. That's kind of how I felt, too. Get me out of here. That's my guy. It's not like Zach Galefinekis' joke about doctors without diplomas. I don't know that one. It's hilarious. He has a foundation, doctors without diplomas.

I got to check that one out. Have you heard of doctors without borders? Doctors without borders? No. It's kind of a famous, you know, these doctors go around the world and they offer their services to help people out that need it. Right. Galifinacus came up with doctors about diplomas. We're very happy, very happy, see Willie Mousy.

You look like you've lost a little weight. I did. I dropped down about seven pounds, man. But that's incredible. Yeah, they wouldn't let me do nothing. So that was perfect because I wasn't doing anything anyway. And you were saying that. I had a medical excuse.

I'm your guy for that doctor. When they told you to rest and relax, you said no problem. I mean, how far you want me to take this, buddy? Because I could go. I can go. You were saying off there that you can't blow your nose. Right. And it's been like a couple weeks and it's going to be even long.

It's been three and a half weeks and I cannot blow my nose. You know, Nick doesn't know how. I don't know how to do it. I can't sneeze through my nose. I mean, I can't, I can't, if I sneeze, I got to sneeze out my mouth. You have to be very careful not to put too much. Not to put any pressure on your, you know. And I think I'm fine now, but you just want to wait you get cleared.

I got one more appointment with my neurosurgeon on the 13th. And then they'll free me up to go do whatever it is I want to do. That's awesome. Are you in any pain or anything? No. Good. That's incredible. They operated on your brain.

I know. And you're doing just fine. That's insane. And my wife said the same thing. She said, you're not normal. And the doctor even said that he said, how did you not have massive headaches? And I was like, he said, will you take an aspirin? I say, no, I don't take like et cetera or anything like that.

You know, I said it just, I just didn't. I said what I had was nice. night sweats. I had, it was messing with my hormones. You know, I got a little dizzy every once in a while. Right. But then I'm just sitting down anyway. You must have a great pain tolerance. No, no, I do. You don't. I am soft, brother. But somehow you weren't getting terrible. I wasn't getting, yeah, I think just the fact that he said it was the fact that you work out a lot, you go for walks, you do, he said, if you were just sitting around, he said, I would imagine that you would feel a little bit different. Well, that's great. You know, so. We're iffy around.

hear Randy Shaver. Yeah, yeah. Thank goodness. I'm no Randy Shaver, but. Randy, you've had some close calls. Randy's the toughest bastard out there. Holy cow. Yeah, he is.

You've had some close calls, Randy Schaver, and that's what brings us to our first subject this morning. One of your close calls in life was, of course, the incident. The incident? With the golf cart. With the golf cart, buddy. Yes, okay.

Take it easy. We're not going to tee off on you, and I'm not trying to be cute with that. We're not going to gang up on you too badly again over the golf cart incident. You're off the hook, I think. And here's the thing. You are now officially off the hook. There's no reason ever again to bust Randy's balls too bad about almost drowning in a golf cart. And drowning his camera.

And drowning an innocent cameraman who was working for the television station for six bucks an hour or whatever. He almost killed that guy too. And $100,000 camera. Right. Yeah, I can't forget that. Ooh, spendy. There is a frigging couple of golfers who are lucky to be alive. I don't think there's video of this happening, but there's video of the aftermath, correct?

Cubby? It's on 93x.com. It's on our website. Here's where you are smooth off the hook, Randy. A couple of golfers playing at a golf course in Missouri. They drove their golf cart off a cliff. Oh, my God. dropped 50 feet into a body of water below,

and both of the some bitches have lived to tell the tale. There was some kind of a gate or a fence that was supposed to keep them from careening off this. It was like a bridge, wasn't it, Josh? Yeah, that's what it looked like. It was like a beautiful. Between like a couple of mountain peaks, basically. Yeah, this is some beautiful course designed by. Tiger Woods when he wasn't on dope, I would imagine.

In Missouri, Paines Valley, have you heard of it? Payne Valley. Yeah, yeah. Interesting name when you consider what happened. Been there. Great golf course. Oh, you have? Yeah, yeah.

You have emotional pain when you... So, C. Willie, have you driven over this bridge? No, I haven't. Okay. This is supposedly some just highly sought-after portion of this golf course. I could see why. There's two courses there, and I play the other one. Oh, okay.

So that's... Like Josh said, there's like these mountainous peaks and a bridge that connects. Yes. So the boys are in the golf cart. They're going across this bridge. They somehow went off the bridge, squeezed through this portion of fencing that was supposed to keep them on... And rock. Down into the water.

There's a curve coming down this hill, and I know they were coming down to, like, smooth fast. That guy's no longer allowed to do. drive a golf cart, I demand. Is there any chance these guys were drunk and effing off? Yep. I would think so. Okay. 100%. I was trying not to come to that conclusion right away. But it is

golf. A lot of folks like to get effing hammered out there. You think nobody would drive into a pond in a golf cart while sober. No. All right, Josh. 50 f and feet. Oh, I forgot Randy. Yeah. All right, Josh.

Who said I was sober? It was only 8 o'clock in the morning. Like I said, there's video of the aftermath with this golf cart in this, they call it Lunker Lake is the body of water that they fell into 50 feet down from the bridge. Wow. There's video of the golf cart sitting there with their clubs and bags everywhere's. You know, rescuers, cops and whatnot were called to the scene. And these two peckerheads were swimming their way.

across Lunker Lake to save their lives. They made it. That's one of those where I'd be scared to look thinking these guys are dead and in a gross way. I can't believe they survived. Well, they go back in to go back and get their stuff. Oh, did they? They got out. They phone.

Yeah. So they're diving down to the bottom to get them. Trying to grab the stuff. I didn't know they went back in. Yeah. I don't think I'd go back in. I think I'd still be shaking. Yeah.

Yeah. And then they were mad at the guy that was filming. A guy rolled out, saw a video, and the guy was getting picked, he's like, news goes, this great footage. I didn't know that. Yeah, they were mad. He's being a jerk.

Well, they don't want to be all over the internet. Like, jabroney's. Yeah, it's too late. It is all over the internet. Everybody's filming it all time. Right. Oh, yeah. Like, buddy, you're not the only one on the course.

I wasn't aware of that, so they got sensitive to the idea of them becoming public knowledge. Can you imagine growing up? the way we grew up and having somebody filming at all time. Oh, no. Of the stuff that we did. Nope. We are very lucky. I mean, when I think about my life right now,

that is the number one thing I am so grateful for. That there wasn't anyone around filming stuff when I was in high school and in college. Not just that, but people who grew up with social media and then years later, jobs are looking for what did they post you know athletes you know athletes you've heard stories about athletes they posted something 20 years ago that's getting them in trouble now

yeah right you know when you're dumb back in the day you're just young and stupid don't get it you're damn right Randy Shaver a lot of us wouldn't be here if there were video cameras everywhere when we were kids I'd be here but I would be like I don't know maybe in jail

well that's what I'm talking about we wouldn't be we wouldn't be doing what we're doing right now 100% of caught a case for sure It's just so terrible. If there was social media when I was a junior high kid, I would have been in juvenile hall before you friggin'... It is so different. Like, if you have kids now, you're having conversations your parents never had with you.

You never had to think about something. Right. And a lot of kids, like they own themselves. You know, we've talked about how many cops have said before. That's why sometimes I think cops invented social media. Because these guys will, like Dr. Andrew, our vet. Some people stole her vehicle and they videotaped it and put it online. Josh, didn't you once have to have a conversation with a kid about, hey, maybe don't take a picture of your penis and send it to everybody.

Yeah, you know, I could see the humor. Our dads didn't have to give us that talk. No. It wasn't a sexual thing. It was a prank on a teammate. Right. Look where my balls are. Look where your hockey stick is.

Right. And that led to police involvement for a little bit. 100%. So next time Randy Shaver, someone bust your chops about the incident where you drove a golf cart into a pond, just say, hey, Dickhead. Pull up Pain Valley. Pull up Payne Valley, Missouri. And tell me what you're fine.

Actually, the only time it comes up is about the time of my golf event. And I'll get one or two, as you call them, gibronies, to bring it up to me. I do love that they commemorate it. They do. Yes. I bet people love seeing that. You're legendary, Randy. You know, sometimes you just got to own what you own, bro.

Yeah. There's a few of our listeners now who have texted in. who, like C. Willie Miles, have played this Payne Valley golf course in Missouri, and they know this bridge, and they know that 50-foot drop down into the lake, and they're all saying, I can't believe these frigging guys lived. Right. Just looking at the pictures, you can't. It's incredible.

I'm not even scared of heights, but that looks kind of scary going across that little bridge. No, God dang it. I threw it away. Where's the story? Because there was some further statistics in here about how many injuries. Josh, maybe you have it in front of you. How many, yearly, how many people go to the hospital over golf cart crashes and injuries? 15,000 people for cart-related injuries.

I know somebody who was in bed for a year because they had to replace their entire back, basically. The back was broken? Now, was he effing off? No, he was a passenger, but the driver was. The driver was incredibly drunk. How many people every year die? You have it in front of you? I don't have die, but cart-related injuries, 15,000.

Well, they also had a death number. 600 on an annual basis. 600? That's what it says. It's crazy because they're, I mean, I, you know, I go to Arizona quite a bit. And sometimes when my friends aren't out there, I get the golf with people I don't know. And this is a true story. I'm playing this course down in Chandler called the Palm.

It's a great golf course. I'm riding with this guy. I mean, we're playing 8.30 in the morning. This dude is already eight beers in. I mean, I mean, what's happening in your life? Right. What, you know what I mean? What's going on in your world, but you already ate beers in at 8.30 in the morning.

Hey, Big Al, are you listening? Oh, my God. And I'm telling you, coming around the curb, he missed, he came off the sidewalk a couple of times, you know. And so me, being the guy, I mean, I'm a pretty nice guy when I'm golfing for people I don't know. You know, I started gathering up my stuff. And then I just told him, I said, hey, yeah, you know what? I'm only playing nine today. you're going to have to carry it back by yourself.

I literally paid for 18 and just left the golf course after nine holes because I did not want to die. This guy, he's the guy that will drive off. We went across a bridge and he did a rub up against one of those crossing the waters that we have there. Like on, what is that, 16 or whatever there is that at Rush Creek there really? Yeah. Yeah. And that's, boom, 13, yeah. He rubbed up against that on his side.

And I'm thinking next time it's going to be my side. Yeah. And so I just say, hey, I'm only playing nine. I got a, you know, I got a couple of calls here. I got to go run. He's just, oh, that's too bad. I'm like, no, it isn't. We all pretty much know a guy, don't we?

I went to another golf course. A dude, now he's gone now. God rest his soul, unrelated to what I'm about to tell you. But at his bachelor party got blasted sideways, stayed awake for like two days drinking. They decided to go golfing. He pushes that golf cart as fast as it can go down a hill. You know, ha-ha, look at me. Oh, yeah.

He rolled that pig over. His right leg pretty much came off. Jeez. Man. He couldn't get out of bed for like six months. Sadly, a couple people... Had to cancel his wedding. Wow.

Yeah. A couple of people text in and say they know somebody personally who did pass away in a golf cart related. F me. Were those golf cart related accidents on the golf course? Because people drive golf carts. Well, right.

Some of them might be related to Arizona. Good question. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. With the one with the buddy of mine, it was on a golf course. It was actually a work event, and it was actually his boss driving the cart, so he made out pretty good after that. You're right, Randy Schaber.

You see more and more little communities where they're allowing golf carts to get you from A to B, and sure some of those statistics might be wrong up to folks getting hit by real cars. I've always wanted to live someplace where you could do that. Yeah. When I was in Florida for two months in the wintertime, the place that we stayed, you could drive golf carts everywhere, you know, among the cars. Right. And so, you know, and some of those golf carts are souped up.

Yeah. They go faster than the normal golf cart, too. One of my bros got a DWI on a golf cart. Was he on the street? Yeah, he was playing golf, drunk off his ass, and then he said, you know, this gal that I used to dangle with, she only lives about six or seven miles from here. Oh, no.

You know, it's dark. It's dark. Now, he wrapped up his game of golf, you know, right at dusk. And now he's going to drive five miles and go get a BJ in the dead of night. On the golf cart. Yeah, on a golf cart. He didn't think he could get a D-dub on a golf cart. He thought, this is 30 years ago.

So he thought, well, the rules don't apply to golf cards, do they? You know, now we know it. You can be on horseback for Christ's sake and get a. Wow. Back in the day, when I lived on the wilds, a golf course. we used to have, there was an accident almost maybe four or five times of summer. The carts. And a lot of it was on whole number six because it's a downhill.

But you come off the fairway off the grass and then you head to the sidewalk, to the cart path. Sure. And they would come down and, you know, everybody would come down and slide off the grass and hit the cart. That was the fun, yeah. Yeah, that's what they did it and try to slide off the grass and hit the cart path. Right.

And then the wheels would lock and then they would flip on and there was a ravine. Oh, no. Every single summer they were digging a cart out of that ravine. They go rolling down into the ravine. And a guy did that one time

and ran the girl, the cart girl off the curb. And the whole cart, the cart girl rolled it over into the ravine. She was okay. Morning. I think all.

you should stay off the golf course. Yeah, that's a lot of weird. Yeah, a lot of drunk guys drive carts on the golf course. And I don't say that disrespectfully. I say that, like, matter fact,edly. Yeah. More anxiety than here Jesus has a buddy who got a D-Dub on a riding lawnmower. Yeah.

They do that now. They do that. And, you know, sometimes you don't even have to be in a golf cart to have a near-death experience on a golf course. Exactly. One of my pals who's been working at a local golf course for years and years and years has this great story about an old-timer who was on foot out there. And his ball went into some mucky, muddy, swampy. And he walked out there to fetch the damn thing.

This is an older guy, and he's got a few pounds on him. Well, he just sunk. It was like that old episode of Scooby-Doo where they get trapped in the quicksend. Oh, no. He gets up to about his balls in this muck, and he can't get out. He can't move. He's sinking more and more. They had to get the fire department out there

and wrap some ropes around this poor back. and pull them up. Of course, everyone at the golf course gathers around this now. So now, yes, thank you everybody for coming to watch me. Yes, I'm the fat old guy that can't get out of the mud. Thank you for showing up. Put those folds away. Good filming me. All right.

So, yes, see Willie Miles in studio with us, returning from his major surgery. If you're just tuning in, Ashley has returned. Speaking of the health of this program, being iffy, we're so happy for Ashley that things have improved with her. situation. She is back. Right now she's taking a little breaky break. She'll be in the inner chair here shortly. So things are looking up. Good. Ashley's back. All right. So, this is pretty much how it goes for the United States dudes. Wait a minute. Yes,

Randy. Is Dana in today? He's here. He's here. Dana's feeling all right. Are you feeling all right? I'm physically here. I don't think of emotionally or spiritually here. What's wrong? I think the thing about the topic you're about to get into. Oh, it's got you that devastated? Yeah. Oh. You're not your favorite team, are they? No, I don't have a tattoo the size of a softball on my leg of their logo or anything.

Oh, I didn't know you had a tattoo the size of a softball on your leg. Oh, for the U.S. team? Yeah. Oh, I thought there was like a British team you liked better. Well, then tell me if I have this summed up properly. Every few years, the U.S. club gets involved in this World Cup tournament. Yeah. and folks are like the what cup tournament the world cup and the people say well check it out right

and then the u.s dudes win a game or two and a few more folks here in the state say okay cool i'll jump on board with this so when do they play next and then right when they really get a crowd of people suckered into treating them seriously they lose am i talking about they will ride momentum them down to Los Angeles Friday afternoon for a showdown with Spain in the World Cup quarter final. Am I close in my summary of the recent history of the United States men's soccer program? Well, yeah. I mean, they always crash out of the tournament at some point,

but it's usually not as embarrassing as it was last night. Is Belgium that good? Or it was just that bad of a performance? It was that bad of performance. They looked like they didn't even know what they were doing out there. That was really incredible, how bad they looked last. Just from the start, I was like, is this the first time these guys I've ever played to? together? They're just so disjointed.

They had all these eyes on them last night. A primetime World Cup game against, what did you say, Bulgaria or something like that? And they got blasted right out of the ballpark by a final of four to one. I was one of the brand new people who tuned in. Yeah. So let me ask everyone, because I'm sure every last swinging D has more experience watching soccer than I do. So let me ask you, what in the hell were the boys doing when they gave up a that third goal by Bulgaria.

That was embarrassing. That looked like a fifth grade soccer team after they had all just tried psychedelic mushrooms. Josh could have done better than that, and he's the worst athlete I've ever seen. What did he's two days in a rule? What did I do? Although coach always did say my biggest contribution

was making the other team feel better about themselves. Hey, somebody's got to do it. My specialty was accidentally in the way guy. That was kind of my role. It was a situation last night where the U.S. goalie was out to damn near midfield. So it's 2-1 Bulgaria at this point, right? Mm-hmm.

The U.S. goalie, he goes out to damn near midfield. He acted as if he was going to kick the ball, and then he decided not to kick the ball. So a dude playing for Bulgaria said, hey, look, I'll kick the ball if you're not going to. And he kicked it into the U.S. net. Yeah, that's essential to happen. He froze. And there was even one more U.S. player who could have stopped the ball from going into the net, but suddenly that dude's motor skills shut down.

And, I mean, that was freaking stupid. Yeah, he was all turned around and he almost got a piece of it. But, yeah. So that's it. Now, we can all stop pretending now and the boys can go home. That's about it. Yep. Yeah, that's too bad.

So you don't think they just tanked that game? Why would they tank the game? I don't know. Oh, you know what? I'm asking. I'm asking. Sports betting? It kind of felt like it.

You know what I'm saying? You know, it crossed my mind a little bit last night. Randy? I'm telling you. When? When Belgium came down and made it two to one after the U.S. had got the goal to tie the game. And then less than a minute later, Belgium goes right down the pitch, I guess is what you call it.

And goal number two by them was like similar to goal number one. Right. It's like their back defense or whatever it is just was out of place. And even the announcers were commenting about. about how they felt like they were standing around waiting for guys to do something. Right now, this is, and nobody was doing it. This is,

this makes the conversation all that much more interesting. I guarantee you they were not throwing the game or any betting going on. I'm not. The moment was too big for them. I don't think it was betting at all. Oh, okay. I thought that's, no, that's not.

No, so why? So then why did they throw the game? I don't know. Oh. You have to ask them. That, because I'm going to, you don't like, Dana, you've watched them. You know this team.

That is not. They took a dive. They did not play nowhere near to their capability. Randy, did they take a dive? Is it because, Dana, they were playing a better competition? That was the best. From what I've read, leading up to this game, the teams they had played prior were not of the same caliber

as what they were going to face in Belmont. Where was Chonsie Billups when the game was happening? I don't think there was a betting anything like that. I really don't. And I don't mean to disrespect. I just think that when you're when you when you started goalie do what he did, that made zero sense. It didn't. You're going to have to explain that to me.

Right. I mean, here's the thing. Yes, Randy, you're right. Belgium is the best team that played this tournament. I just think the moment got too big for him. They panicked. They got down early and they were panicking the entire time trying to play catch-up and they just couldn't do it.

I'm going to go with C. Willie Miles. I'm going to say they threw the game. Here's a guy, pooh-poo's and peepies. Now, I don't know what he means by this, Josh, but pooh-poo's and Pee-Pes, Jesus says, hey, bro, yeah, I should have thought of that. Politics, bro. I don't know what he means, but I'm going to go along with it. A lot of things are politics and I don't really know why.

This was a political move by the United States men's soccer team. See, Willie Miles, nodding his head. But that's how it goes, right? A soccer team, I didn't know we had a soccer team. And then they have a couple of good games. And everyone goes, oh, cool, I'm going to watch the soccer. And then they take a dump. And then four years later, we do it all over again.

One of the announcers has even given crap saying, hey, Americans who just started watching soccer, you know, you should keep it up. It's a great sport. There's a lot more soccer to be played. And people are ripping them online going, you know, fans are saying, yes, we were watching and we do enjoy soccer. Someone texted in to say, hey, relax. 2030.

That's our year. Oh, yeah. That's the crushing thing about the World Cup When your team bombs out You say, hey, there's always next year Soccer, it's like we've got to wait four more years More years Yeah, but this was the year

Exactly, and that's what makes it so disheartening Is the fact that we had a World Cup You're here at home That doesn't have a once in a generation type of thing I love that third goal by Bulgaria I'll remember that for the rest of my life Our goalie's like, wait a minute, what do I do? Right

Figure. The ball goes in. Let me take that for you. I didn't read it too closely, Dana, but are all the home countries out now? Yes. Canada, Mexico, and the U.S. all lost in the round of 16. You know who won Colombia? They won a soccer game here a day or two ago.

Did you see this guy who took her top off and then she fell out of a car? It started so well. Did you see that, Randy? I did. Columbia won a game against, I think it was Bulgaria. I don't see the golfer going over the cliff. But I find the woman topless falling out of the car. He's got news alerts for topless women.

He sets AI. So wait a minute. I love it. Two gibronies go off a cliff and a golf cart. Did you see that video? Never heard of it. Randy didn't see it. Randy didn't see it.

Randy said, never heard of it. What about a topless gal in Columbia who fell out of a car? All over it. Got the video. Got the video. Watched it multiple times. Four angles. So they're celebrating in the streets of Columbia over,

a victory they had a night or two ago. You know how the scene goes. Everyone's out on the street. Driving around in circles, motorcycles, cars. Everyone's waving the flag. They're standing on top of cars. They're raising all levels of hell. This gal gets up out the passenger window.

So she's sitting up on the passenger door. Takes off her top to show everybody in town her boobies. Here you go. And then she went ass over Applecart right down onto the pavement. Knocked the piss out of her. That video's going around. Did we say it's on our website? It is, yes.

Babies still hanging out. They were out. If there was glass anywhere, she would have put them on the glass. It's a good airbreaker, though. I mean, she's... Now she's popular. They say here that Tinder activity went through the roof there in New York City

when they were playing games there. Oh, I bet. I would think so. All the Bulgarians and... whatnot and those big friggin' stubborn Swedes. They come over to watch the soccer games in New York City, and they're dialing up ass on Tinder. Tinder went through the frigging roof coming.

It was like your old days. Tinder? Yeah. I have a buddy who hooked up with somebody via Tinder on a Disney cruise. Oh, wow. Oh, man. I didn't know that we're doing that. On the cruise boat?

On the cruise boat. Oh, man. Well, they can't escape, can they are. I got you now. If it didn't work out well, now I'm not trying to be cute. I'm not trying to be cute. This is not a pun.

But that is a unbelievable stroke of luck. Correct? Just that somebody else was also on Tinder wanting to hook up? Yes. On the cruise. On the cruise. It was apparently he said it was, there was quite a few people on there. He's out in the middle of the ocean.

He's looking through Tinder. I could use a hand job. And it was his goal. Like, he certainly had that intent. And it just so happened, there were more than one persons. Yeah, he only consummated one. But he said there was a few options on there. For most of us, like if you and I were on this boat together, and we were looking for a hand job, and we got on Tinder,

I would imagine we'd get some takers, but they're on dry land. Possibly, yeah. And we'd say, well, we're S-O-L. But this guy found people on the boat who are willing to have sex with them. Well, it's a radius thing. It's a what? It's like a radius thing. So it's just the people are in your general area.

Oh, I don't know. I've never been on Tinder. So it's not like you can match on Tinder or somebody in Memphis while you're in Minnesota. Oh. It's like within like a mile radius of you. Well, then lick me down. Oh, sorry. I thought you understood that.

Yeah. So it's just like, hey, I'm close. You want to do something about this? I did not know. Even though we're on a Disney cruise. You're basically sharing the same radio tower. Mickey's going to film it. A Disney crew.

That's why it's why he gets shut down. so because if you've got a convention you know only so many people oh I didn't know it was like that Ashley were you aware of the Tinder radius technique yeah it's like that for like

all those kind of apps how far away did they come from I don't know I never used to oh oh Ashley's back in the building like I said I promise she'd be back I did have like something And I think me and my husband like messed up our radius when we were using Hinge

because for some reason we got matched and we were like 50 minutes from each other. I was like, what? 50 or 15? 50. Oh, Jesus. Wow. Okay. I was like, what'd you have your set at?

That was meant to be. Not that far. I was like me either. What the heck happened here? That was meant to be? Yeah. It's divine intervention. Yeah?

Which is the proper way to go when you want to say yes, right or left? Right. My only experience with Tinder. There's one night, me and a bro were sitting at the WISD of Legion, and another one of our friends got up to take a piss and left his cell phone open. Hello. He left his cell phone open on Tinder. Well, he went to take a squeege.

So we just, my buddy said, we're going to get this some bitch laid, and we swipe left on like 3,000 girls in a row until he came back from taking a piss. Did I explain that properly? You swiped left or swip right? Right is to a step. Okay, yeah, the right. Okay, we swept right. The positive one.

Obviously, I know nothing about Tinder. A friend of mine... Can't even tell the Tinder story. You're new to Tinder. Yeah, I am. I'm brand new. Your profile is incredible. I'd sleep with you. You have a wonderful profile.

A friend of mine's neighbor got divorced and immediately got on every dating app out there, including Tinder. And he was kind of showing us how it worked. You know, it was new to us. My friend and I both were married before this was a thing. And he basically didn't swipe left on anything. I'd imagine there's plenty of guys out there saying, I'm not swiping left. He said yes to everyone? He said yes to every single thing.

That's a common technique. He's casting that wide net. The twins are playing at home tonight against the Cleveland Guardians first to three. Yeah, they suck and everything. The Polads have ruined everything. The twins are red hot coming off three series victories in a row. Yeah. Now there's talk that Byron Buxton might be thrown on the injured list.

Now there's talk that he might miss the All-Star game, this and that. Well, that's too bad. Yeah. Did anyone see video of this picture that the twins have recently picked up? They say he's got the best name in the Biggs. His name is Wu-Suck-Go. Whoa. They say that's the best name in the business.

I'll go along with it. Woo-suck-Go. The twins recently got him from Detroit, 27 years old, hasn't had a whole hell of a lot of luck. lately, obviously. The Tigers said you're free to go play for the twins. You suck. Go. Go. Yeah. There you go. But I saw some video of this kid. No, 25 years old. No, maybe I was right the first time. Anyway, I saw video of this kid. He looks like he's got great potential. I don't know if you can find the video I had. He performed very well in the, what do they

call that international tournament that they have now again? World Baseball class. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying. I'll just close out with this. Keep an eye on this suck go character. The best name in baseball, he looks like a legitimate pimp to me. He does. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying, keep an eye on him. Sits on babies, shezes. What's that, Randy? I'm not sold on that. If you're on the waiver wire at this point in the season and the Detroit Tigers who could use more pitching than any team in the Central, let you go. Chances are, you're, you're,

You're not very good. No, of course. Chances are you're garbage. I'm just saying keep an eye on them. That's all. I'm not sold on Dick. Sits on Baby's Sheez's texted in. She's going to the game on Friday.

And then she's going to the AEW wrestling match at Target Field right afterwards. Ah, that'd be so fun. We won't be able to go because that's the night of our post-independence Day booze crews. The two pitchers in the Twins game tonight, Tage Bradley and Joey Cantillo, they have exact same number. It's scary. They're both seven and three. They have the same ERAs, 3.86.

They've pitched about the same number of innings. They've given up about the same number of hits. They've walked about the same number. They've given up, each has given up 12 home runs each. It's like looking in the mirror. There's just identical pitchers going into tonight. Just get married already. You rarely see that.

Two young guys who are having pretty good years, so it should be a good pitching match. I bet both of them can find their way around that Tinder, too. I bet they can. As opposed to a guy like me, you hand me tender, I'll just fall down a flight of stairs, apparently. I can't figure it out. They both swipe right 12,000 times each.

I do get a kickout, and I've seen my buddies at the bar just sit there and go, It's like their hand is moving as fast as possible. They're not even looking at the pictures. They're just swiping right on everything, just hoping to get lucky. Well, you've got to be careful if you're holding your phone in one hand and you're having that hand motion with the other. People are going to get the wrong. Josh, do you want to play for Randy and C. Willie Miles?

You want to play our latest post-independence Day booze cruise theme song? Oh, yeah. Just give me one second. The motto this year is, let's be adults about this. We're all grown up. And then the horn. I love it. Beautiful. You're all invited.

See Willie, Randy, everybody. You guys can show up if you want. That's awesome. The Strudel. He didn't last night. One of our favorite former twins, Max Kepler, the Strudel. He went ahead and he hit his first dong since he returned to the big leagues from his 80 game suspension. He tested positive. It was a grand slam, I think. Oh, was it? I think so.

He tested positive. I thought it was a three-run shot. Anyway, he tested positive for a performance enhancing drug a while back, don't you know, in case you haven't been following what's going on with the Strudes. But he got the rod out for his new ball club, the Arizona Diamond Backs, they beat the Padres last night. The Strudel has returned. Yeah, a four RBI night for Max Kepler. He had a RBI single in the first and then a three-run rod. Yep, you're right. Nice. The dope he was accused of taking is called Epitrendelone.

Oh, sure. Which is used in bodybuilding. We had a conversation earlier about steroids. So this kind of fits in nicely. We had a long conversation about steroids and the rumored side effects of long-term steroid use. We talked about the balls shrinking up, your hairs fall out, you have zits on your back.

the size of monkey fists. What else, Josh? Rage. Roid rage. What Kepler was on was called Epitrembalone, which is used in bodybuilding, and it's also been used, C.Willy and Miles, to promote cattle growth.

Mm. Cattle growth. Mm. Like if you want your steer to win the blue ribbon at the county fair, you give it a little trombolamolo. A trombone. And you go on Tinder.

Yeah. Get yourself a milf. Yeah, never were. Never did steroids. Any time I wanted to put on muscle and gain weight, I just ate baloney. Works just the same. That's what we did on South. Bologna built muscle?

Oh, yeah, you got to be, you know, it's all the worst parts of the animals. So you got it's got it to work. Go to the gym, you get your bologna sandwich, you go, you know, a couple of slices of bologna, couple of slices of cheese. That's probably the only thing. Oh, man. Probably the only thing I'd enjoy about being incarcerated is the bologna sandwiches.

I grew up on that. Yeah, me too. That's the best, isn't it, Randy? Cheese? Oh, my God. Cheese with the bologna sandwich. Government cheese. Look, I was at my Hivey, my grocery store in Savage.

And I say this with all the compassion in the world. There's a couple of brothers that work there. And one I'm working in the meat department. And if I walk by here, go, bro, we got some fresh bologna up in her. That's how he said it. I got some fresh bologna. You had a hookup. I was like, come on, man.

With the red ring around, he goes, bruh, it's the real deal. I love that. I said, give me a couple. Give me, I want four slices. He said, we talk in quarter inch. I say quarter ends, bro. Delicious. Man, he said, you're going to pop it in.

You got a cast standstill? Absolutely, I got a cast down skill. I'm going to fry it up. What is it about just a couple of slices of bellogness and a couple pieces of bread that bring so much joy? Joy! Whether you're two or 102. I'm with you, boys.

I love a good plain old. I remember when I was a kid, I went over to a buddy's place, and his mother said, can I make you boys some lunch? And we said, absolutely. We're young kids. We could use something or another to eat. And she said, how about bologna sandwiches? And we said, yeah.

And I said, matter of fact, that's my favorite. I'd love a bologna. And the lady comes back and she had the bread and the bologna and the cheese. But she also had lettuce and onion and mayonnaise. And I said, what are you a communist? Get all this garden crap off of my bologna sit. No. Where are you a Martian?

There's a restaurant here in town that they offer. It's very popular, but it's like an elevated baloney sandwich. They make it all fancy like it. I don't even say that it shouldn't be fancy. Don't elevate my baloney. Should be wonder bread and just Oscar Meyer. I say the same thing about baloney that I do about hot dogs. I want to taste the beaks and feet.

Right. Get all that crap away from my baloney. Right. I was in Nashville for Fourth of July last week and at Roberts Western World, which is one of the famous honky tonks on Broadway. They sell a fried. baloney sandwich. Six bucks.

And my friend that I was with tried it and he said it was the most incredible sandwich he'd ever had. Until you could fry a quarter inch thick piece of baloney and a cast iron scaly and slap some if you don't have government

cheese, Baumgart cheese is the best cheese. Bombard cheese is the best. It's made right out of it. It's not a 10-Hasson. That's what their corporate office is.

And you put, it's so milky smooth. Yeah. And you put that on some bread, buddy. An hour later, your ass goes. Bam-Gar. Hey, Randy Schaber. Yeah. Damar DeRosen?

Demar DeRosen? DeMar. I like the way you phrased that. DeRosan? Yes, no. Maybe. For the wolves? Yeah.

Damar DeRos? It doesn't bother me. Okay. Yeah, I think he'd be a nice bench piece. I don't know if you'd be your starting guy. No, no, no. Here's the thing about DeRosen. We know he can put the ball in the hoop.

Oh, he can score a lot of points still. That's what he can do. He's coming up on his 18th year in the effing national basketball association. He's been around. So he's been waived by the sack mental kings. Here's the thing I wanted to mention about DeRosen. he has started in every game he's played since his rookie season. Is that a true fact?

Wow. It says here, DeRosen has started in every game he's played since his rookie season. He's never once came off the... That's crazy. And that's the role he would likely play for the Timbal Wolf. He would come off the... I like the sounds of DeMar DeRas.

I always thought he was a good player. Yeah. So there you go. I don't think it's going to help. What's that? I'm sorry. You don't think it's going to... No.

I just don't think it's going to help. Well, we got to wait on LeBron first. We've got to figure out LeBron before we go chase tomorrow. Oh, here's the latest on this LeBron nightmare. Oh, no. It just got more obnoxious. It says here, Draymond Green could leave the Golden State Warriors and follow LeBron James to his new team.

Oh, no. Oh, God. Dear God. Oh, no. It's all moved to Wisconsin. No! Follow him to his retirement team. Oh, God.

No. Wow. Unbelievable. I'm just waiting for all these stories a little bit later on ESPN.com about the United States soccer team throwing that game against Bulgaria. Frigan Bulgaria. All right. Oh, God. Randy Shaver.

See, Willie Miles. Well, that ought to be enough for today. See, Willie, I'm happy. I've followed your journey on Facebook. I'm happy that you're doing well. Thank you, my friend. That's great. Hey, working with you guys over the years.

I learned patience. What is that supposed to me? Because that's what they talk about. I mean, it's a journey. It really is. And you just got to go through it. You got to keep your hopes up. You know, when you get a diagnosis like that, it's pretty creepy.

You know, I mean, when they tell you it's in your, you know, when you go to see a neurosurgeon, brother, that's your brain. Yeah. That guy that won't operate on your stomach. You know, he's not that guy. And when they, in the scariest part, I'm going to tell you guys this right now. And if you've ever had a surgery where you've been put under for a long time, and they hand you to ask you, when I walked in and there and said, hey, do you have a directive? A medical directive.

Right. That, when my wife and I sat at the table and fill that out, looking at her face and looking at my face. Meaning plans after death. Right. If you don't make it. because they will tell you nothing is 100%. Yeah, that's a hell of a deal to sit there and have to fill that form out. You fill it out.

Did your wife write anything in there about Tinder? Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely she did. What's your password? What's your Tinder password? And when you think about that, honestly, she has all my passwords. I said to send her, like all my passwords to all my stuff.

for my accounts and all my, how to get a hold of who she needs to get a hold of or something like all of my, I don't know, everything I recorded, all of my, you know, that, you have to, you have to do that because you don't know. Did you fill it out and then just put it in your back pocket? You have to go get it notored and then you have to hand it into the nurse. When they take it from you, that is real. Yeah. That's a hell of a deal. It is.

And that was my first surgery in my entire life. I've never been to the hospital. That was my first time and it was... Wow. What? The work on my head and that was scary. It's a crazy opening for that. I've been to the hospital.

Right? You know what? You think I'm going to... Can you y'all just start with the... What is that thing they take out you don't need? Appendix? Appendix. You just take that out first.

That's crazy. You had never been in the hospital ever up until... Yeah, that's crazy to think you've been to the hospital collectively, I think, what, 35 times in the last month? At least, dude. I mean, to think that you've never just, like, sat in a hospital bed. Like, everything's brand new to you. Like, what are you doing with that?

What is that? What is that? That's just the blood pressure cuff shirt. They damn near, they know our names at this point, don't they ask you? And that's why I say on September the 5th when I show up at crooners, this show is going to be epic. Oh, because he has old. Dude, that's got things that were done to me in a hospital that I didn't know that they could do without your permission. You should call it the return of the living dead.

Oh, yeah. You know, something dramatic like that. wake up and you go, wait a minute, what is this taped to my leg? And you had to stay there for a couple days too. Yeah, that's even worse because you get more exposed to more things and them coming in every single two hours to check your vibe. Two, every hour. Get some rest. Right.

Hello. And they say sorry. Why are you saying sorry? You coming back in 45 minutes. Oh. Just leave me alone. Well, we're all upright at this point. Right.

We're all upright at this point. Let's try to keep it that way. Thanks, Randy Shaber. You bet. We'll talk to you tomorrow and see Willie Miles is going to stick around. We'll have some more laughs, hopefully, in a few minutes. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning.

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Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. F-A-S morning show, 93-X. Oh, well, F-Me-Running. Welcome back to our little radio program, the 93X-Haf-S morning show with

world-class entertainer C. Willie Miles in studio. Good morning. The snowman, we're calling you. The snowman effect. The snowman. you were listening earlier, you get the joke. What a hell of a deal to have you back in studio See Willie and Ashley as well. It's a good day. It is. It is. It's nice to see everybody again. Here's something now, as we continue on, here's something for you straight-laced types out there.

Like my life partner, Cubby. I mean, you're no angel, but I think you're damn close. for you straight-laced folks out there. Here's the deal. Things are changing with popular music. It says here, dirty song lyrics are on the decline. People aren't as interested in filthy song lyrics anymore. For cripes' sake, Josh,

will you check on Steel Panther for me? Shoot, will you check out? Who does Wop again? I was just going to say, that's my theory, is that WAP was so filthy, everybody said, hey, there's no top in that. Let's just clean it up now because let's just go the other way. Yeah, who was that that sang that? Cardi B. and Nikki Minage, one of them?

Nikki Minaj, yeah. Nikki Minaj. That was a year or two ago. They cut loose with that song, Wop, which stands for wet something. Turns out another really matters was Cardi B and Megan the Stallion. Yeah. Oh, it matters. I guess it's some people yes, it does.

Yeah, if you're, who's the other person you said? Steel Panther? In error. Oh, sorry. Kylie Minogue, she probably, maybe she doesn't want to be, or Minaj, maybe she doesn't want to be associated with that. That's foul. My son, some of the stuff he listens to, I have to tell him, don't listen to that kind of stuff, especially around me. Okay.

It's just foul language. Filthy sexual rap lyrics? Not necessarily just sexual, but just, you know, overly. Sometimes it's just mother effort this and mother effort that. That shouldn't be said in my opinion. Okay. I mean, we used to, we've had many conversations. on this program about the sexual innuendos that our favorite rock bands would just pound into our heads in the 80s.

I mean, we've gone back and forth on that. So we're not totally unfamiliar. I've got very little experience with some of the really hardcore graphic sexual rap songs. I know very little about that kind of stuff. But it says here now there's Spotify numbers to prove this. explicit lyrics, dirty lyrics, people don't seem to be as interested anymore. It says here, what is this? Only 13% of Spotify's top 50 songs this year were flagged for dirty lyrics compared to 74% in 20 and 18.

That's a pretty friggin massive difference right there. That's a huge difference. And I'd love to see again Like I said I'm mostly new To the really graphic stuff I've never heard the song Wop You guys have told me stories about it

And I know what it stands for But I've never listened I don't think to any really seriously filthy Raff or pop You Gilbert Godfried He read it And it was very funny He played that for you

But I don't know if you've heard the song So I guess I don't know how bad it's become Or how graphic it's become But here's what's factoring in here, according to a couple of music journalists. They say there's a trend now for nostalgic radio-friendly songs. And maybe you tell me, Josh, would this make sense? Everything is so out of control these days, it seems.

Everything is so nasty and so mean and over the edge. The way we deal, everything from the way we communicate with each other to the world. general is so disgusting right now that maybe it's pushing people to go the other way? I think so. You're just looking for just to relax a little bit, just to, in a shape. Disrespectful. Yeah. People are maybe looking for some. Respect. The return of respect and decency. There you go. That's exactly it. Decency. Looking for a little Luther Vandross. Like I grew up listening to that and then like Silk. Like there was a group called Silk.

And they had this number one song Let me lick you up and down To you say stop I remember that one Oh no I remember If you don't mind see Willie And then it goes this way Doesn't the guy say

Because tonight baby I'm gonna get freaky with you I remember that one Exactly that's a song Oh yeah I remember very well An ex-girlfriend of mine from years ago I used to sing that tour and she would be so disgusted by me.

Because I would get like the hips into it and everything. Those are the only words I knew was that lick you up and down and I want to get freaky with. That's the only part I remember too. Right. Of course. Now also they say, and this is interesting to me, they say that hip hop and rap are decreasing in hip hop and rap are not as popular as they used to be. Right. I don't know. I wonder if it's like country music now. It seems like more and more people I know are really into it.

And, you know, like certain artists are becoming country music artists. Yeah, Post Maloney. And they're they're they're teaming up with rap art. Like, you know, like you go country and you guys like Shibuzi and those guys are teaming up with a lot of country stars like Derrish Rucker, Florida Georgia Line, all them guys. They're, the music is starting to blend together now. Yeah. You know. Sure. For a while it was like if you had a teen pop star, there's always a rap break in the middle of it.

Exactly. That was the recipe for a hit song for many years. You're right. The music business over the last like 20 years, I would say for sure. Crossover after crossover. And what do you call it, Josh, when one person sings with another, there's another term for it. Duet? No, it's not duet.

A collaboration? It's something like that. There's a word in that. Well, you're not thinking of mash up. That's what I'm. Yeah, that's mashup. Because a mashup is more like taking two songs and put it together. Oh, well, then forget it.

Sorry about that. Yeah, that's what I was coming up. Because tonight, baby, I want to get freaky with you. Oh, the video, too, they're just grinding on each other. Check that out later. When the show's over, Silk. And is it called Freaky? Yeah.

Lick you up and down. They do more air-humping in that video and just grinding. Oh, my God. back in the day. I'm so glad you brought that up because I remember so much about that song. It was those young R&B cast man that came up.

Them and keep sweating. You know what I mean? It wasn't like, what was it? What was your guy name? What was the 80s guy name? His song is really popular. Rick James? No.

Daringer? What are we talking about? He just got, he's got the stupid song. Oh, Rick Ashley. Oh, Rick Ashley. Yeah. You know what I mean? You had that?

And then you had silk. Yeah. Which one are you listening? So, I bet Silk was, that was controversial at the time. Oh, yeah. And that would be nothing. I mean, I swear, like, two live crew might have listened to Wop and thought that is too far. Maybe.

You went too far. Why did she do that? But you're right, the young R&B guys in the late 90s, mid to late 90s, they would just swing. H-Town. There was another group called H-Town. And they were, the songs that they had, that was. just, I mean, they were epic. I was still into clubs at that time.

That was the 80s. Just the music videos, the humping that they would do towards the camera. I mean, new guys in the corner puking his guts out, you know. Yeah, it would surprise me if rap or hip hop is less pop. That's all, I mean, my son's kind of getting into country now, but that's all my wife and son listened to. And I started to feel old because I can't tell the difference between any of them. I'll say, oh, is that juice world?

He'd be like, no, this is so-and-so. I'm like, oh, it sounds exactly like Juice World. There's all these different groups or artists that I'm a familiar. You get a dose of it now and again. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, you're still around young kids.

Our house now. We're more like Teddy Swims. My dad loves Teddy Swims. I don't know Teddy Swims. Teddy Swims is cool. He's some great songs. Here's a listener who says there's a song by Megan the Stallion that's even dirtier than Wop. It's called Bongo's.

You know that one? Are you serious? It's dirty. I got to look up the Lungus. That's according to one listener. I'm just really surprised. to read, if it's factual, that rap and hip-hop are decreasing in popularity. Yeah.

And if that's true, let's say it's true, what an incredible run that genre of music has been on. I mean, Beastie Boys, Run DMC, mid-80s, where probably the two groups who really kicked it into full gear. Kumodi. That's a long time ago. Right. That was mid-80s. So to have held on that long, that's impressive. To come from where they came from, you know, they weren't like mainstream.

They were underground. Yeah. You know. And I mean, yeah, I was more of a heavy D type of rapper. I like heavy D. I like Rondim. Yeah. Yeah.

I was always a clean rap guy. I didn't really get into the, you know, the NWAs and all those type of guys. I mean, I was more of, you know. More poppy. Yeah. Less gangster, more poppy. Less gangster, a little bit more, yeah. So here's a good hill game.

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn. That's good stuff. If your girl's acting up. Do you take her friend? If your girl's acting up, take her friend. Take her friend. I'm looking up the bongos list. Come on.

What? Oh, beautiful. Is it worse than the Wop song? It's on par. Like, I ride D like a pony. It's poetry, Josh. tight like a nun? What are you doing?

Are the bongos in reference to her ass cheeks? I don't know. Are they? Is that or boobs? I don't know. I can't tell. These are the cheek. I don't think a white guy should read these lyrics.

You don't spank that. I mean, really, it says here, and we got to take a break, but we can come back to this. Dirty song lyrics, I guess, aren't as popular as they used to be. And rap and hip-hop is decreasing in popular. Here's the one final stat here. Back in the late 2010's, rap accounted for more than 50% of Spotify's top 50 chart.

Sometimes it even got as high as 75%. But this year, it was only 25%. Alternative and country is on the rise, rap on the decline, according to these figures. There's a couple of rap artists. When NWA first came out, we really enjoyed those guys. Snoop Dog, I thought it was great.

Coolio. Coolio was always good. For me, it was Digital Underground. Digital Underground was jam. Yeah. I love those guys. I love that. Shock G. was so clever and so funny.

Yep. And I loved everything about that guy. Right. Absolutely. Again, barring something that I don't know about him from his personal life, we always have to make that statement. As soon as we fall all over someone, we have to say, well, no, wait a minute, just for the record. That's not what we're talking about.

I don't know everything. about the man's life. I'm just saying I enjoyed his... I do worry about that with anybody you bring up. Absolutely. This terrible thing happened. You know what's going to happen tonight, don't you, Josh? What's that? Tonight.

What's tonight? What am I going to do? Are you going to lick someone up and down? I'm going to get for a freaking. I'm going to listen to Silk all that. Then he talks, he talks it out there for a while. He's like, I'm going to put ice cubes on your ass shoes. Yeah.

I'm going to set your hair on fire. We used to call back in the day We called them layup tapes You have like 20 songs like that Back to back to back And then I'm going to put it out with my pee Yeah Back then you had a waterbed

That's when you had a waterbed You called them what layup songs Layup tape baby Make you a layup tape You hit play You hit play And that's all you That's the he do the break

You just got to do the work He'd do all the work But you do the work The band will do their part Right And then it's up to you That's got to stay in rhythm Because tonight

Baby. Yeah, the way he says that, he means it. Yeah. But if you do all they tell you to do, you're going to be exhausted. That's too much. How about you got to edit that sum of that out? Nobody can do all that. I'm going to straight up, put your feet in my mouth. I'm not doing that part. And then I'm going to light a fart. That's hot stuff. Because tonight, baby. I'm going to do that all day long. I'm hooked. Oh, your four wife. We were talking about how apparently dirty song lyrics aren't as popular as they once were. There's been some statistics thrown our way from Spotify.

Dirty song lyrics sound as popular. For example, the overly sexual rap songs like The Whop. What's it called again? Just Whop. Just Wop. Just Wop. Interesting. And like I said earlier, I haven't heard any of the latest popular dirty rap songs,

but I don't mind a dirty song or two. I appreciate an innuendo. I mean, just when they kind of come out, they're so gross. If it's too graphic. Unless it's supposed to be like for humor. Yeah, but that's different. That's like a steel panther. And even them sometimes I'm like, okay, that was a little far.

I like it. I like it all. It's fun. It's supposed to be funny. I don't know. Maybe Wap was supposed to be funny or something. I love that song. Yeah, I listen to like almost comedy.

Yeah. It's catchy. Oh, that's gross. Like, well, but then I don't know. I put it on in my car a couple times. I was like, all right. Ashley, what's gross? Getting a bucket and a mop for that.

Right. Sometimes that's what you got to do. I've never been able to do that for somebody. Josh, what do you suppose your wife's layup song would be, where if you put that some bitch on the cassette player, you know she's going to be ready for you to porky pig her into next week. Oh, there's three things. Certainly anything by Prince.

Just turn on KMOJ or B-E-T. And she's going to get ready to go. My wife likes the Bon Jovi's. That gets her going? Maybe if I put on a Bon Jovi song or two. Mostly light rock. Isn't that something? See, Willie Miles?

It's come to this now. I'm bumping to light rock. I'm bumping to air supply. Oh, nice. And the Little River Band. LRB, baby. Dirty song lyrics, what it makes me think of is Wasp. That's the first band that comes to mind because of 1984,

they came out with the song Animal dot, dot, dot, F like a Beast. And that was my memory as growing up a hard rock fan. That was, I know I'm probably missing something. But that was the first heavy metal band that said, we're just going to straight up say the F word, and you're going to have to deal with it. And it became very controversial, and it created that whole PMRC situation, Josh,

where rock bands were having their records labeled for explicit lyrics. That was the first one I can remember. Wasp, Animal F like a Beast. Probably missing somebody, but that's all. My wife would be like something on the line. of baby face. She loved baby face. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Whip a pill.

Whipper pill? Whip a pill. Whip a pill? What does that mean? A peel. Like AP, P-E-A-L. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, a peel. Oh, got that. Whip-A-peel. I thought you were saying whip a pill. Like I'm throwing an aspirin at you from across the No, no, no, no, no. Whip-appeal, that's about your game, you know, your real game.

Yeah, Cup, you think at one point or another I might have game. Oh, you've got game. You think I've got game? He got game. He got game. Oh, wow. With a peel. Dirty lyrics will never go.

I hope not. They'll never go away altogether. Yeah, we still got to have some filth. Every once in a while. More the clever ones, I think, are. Yeah, you like it to be a little more. You know, like, pour some sugar on me. Well, now.

What does he mean by that? What in the living hell? Thank you very much, see Willie Miles, and great to see you back at 100%. Great to be back, man. I'm glad you're healthy. I'm going to meet you guys. Thank you very much for having me. Happy birthday to Jacob and Alex from Aunt Katie.

And again, so good to have C. Willie and Ashley back with us. 93X. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

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