93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Double Dragon

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

Originally Aired January 12, 2026: Dr. P answers medical questions. Lalala I can't hear you. Everything you wanna know about an elephant serial killer.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-Hapass morning show. Ninety-three. I love that bit. I love one. Yeah.

There we go. Next time there's that stall, just leave it. Just leave it. I like the way that winds down. Yeah. It's the sound of failure. Yeah. The sound of failure and it's fitting for the program.

It's all your anxieties coming true. It ain't right, is it, Josh? but it happens. You've got to start somewhere. And for the four of us, it's right here. Hope that's not an omen to the week right there. It's like, no, it's too early to go bad. The Monday broadcast of the 93XFS morning show.

Get us started, Josh. You can go first. Oh, I got next to nothing after that. Now my spirits are sunk. Oh, no. Spirits are sunk. Tell us all about your weekend, every detail. Well, I wish I had something for you.

I was trying to think. I saw a couple of strange outfits, got gas next to a guy yesterday, essentially dressed as a banana. And you had gas? No, it's just a fuel for my vehicle. You were hanging out next to a man dressed as a banana? Yeah, he walked out of the establishment, and I thought, well, that guy's dressed like a banana. He had some sort of bright yellow sweatsuit on, and I was telling Ashley a second ago, I'd imagine some sort of like hot, hot, brand I'm not aware of, right? Maybe it was very stylish and I'm just not quite hip enough to get it.

But he had kind of like this goofy hat, dressed like a banana. His minivan smelled like a Wiz Khalifa concert when he opened the door. I think I still am a little high from that. I don't think I could pull off a all yellow sweatsuit. You know what? He couldn't either, to be honest, but he gave it a shot. Maybe it's a cool thing these days. My dad, like to wear the matching top and bottom sweatpants ensemble. I always told him he looked terrible.

Same color? Yeah, yeah, you're matching top and bottom. I thought you just meant like they're both in the same family of material. I mean, not like he's going out to play basketball. Just the old school $2 sweatsuit you can get

at Kmart with the matching bottoms. Sure. My dad used to wear that kind of stuff. I hated the look. I hated the look and I told him. I said, you got to mix up the colors on the top and the bottom, or you look like a four-year-old, you know, but he was never terribly worried about his appearance. This yesterday, then I saw a guy, my son had a basketball tournament. One of the coaches had, it kind of looked like a rabbit on his head inside the gym. I don't know what was going on. It was like a large one, too. So it wasn't just a furry hat. It was extended in the front

and back, almost like he's crossing the Delaware or something. I'd have to see it to understand it completely. I barely know how to describe it. It had like floppy ears. Yeah. It was a unique look where at first I thought, my God, a rabbit fell on this guy's head and he has no idea. On the inside. He's inside, too.

Yeah, we're inside. You saw some interesting outfits over the weekend. Yeah. Also, you know, I should mention I met a couple of really cool guys from the Brotherhood yesterday, some folks out of Annadale who wanted me to pass along. Nick, if they were around with your whole Maple Lake beating, they would have jumped in there. Annandale's right out. They were close enough.

They said they never would have let that happen if they knew the entire town was going to beat you up. So super cool guys. I appreciate them saying hi. It was fun talking to them afterwards. I'm sure they would have had my back back in 92. They said they would. I kept them a little longer and I think they wanted to be there, but it was nice. Well, that's normal.

Having a conversation. I was mindful of it. A couple of cats from, but you still couldn't stop. I know. It took a little while. You couldn't say. A couple of guys from Ann and Dale. Well, F me running. A little later on this morning in the 8 o'clock hour is how they say it in the radio business. Around 8 o'clock or so, our friend Dr. P. Jesus will be squeezing his enormous ass into the building. He's committed to joining us on air to answer any health questions our wonderful listening audience might be currently dealing with.

We'll give you a heads up when you can send in your text questions. I mean, hopefully you're feeling terrific, but if you ain't, he'd be the guy to text. You guys have been sneezing a lot off there. Oh, I always do. Yeah, not as bad as this morning, it seems to salute. Between the two of you, you guys are having to sneeze off. I only cut loose with one. But, I mean, I know one of mine equals about eight of anyone else's.

Ashley had a back-to-backer. Yeah, I don't think it's anything to be worried about, Josh. But, yeah, I can cut loose now and again. That's for damn sure. He's a real doctor, don't you know? Yeah. He went to school for it and everything. Peed, Jesus.

Yeah. He's got the outfit. He's got the lanyard. Whatever you need to prove he's a doctor, he's got it. He's got the bank account, everything. Are you a real, doctor? Let me see your lanyard. That convinced me.

That's how you get backstage to show them a lanyard. So we're just getting started. What the hell am I running into down here? I'm trying to roll my chair forward and I keep getting caught. Oh, yeah, this is a good sign of a finely tuned radio studio. There's a giant fat extension cord running across the entire room. Oh, that's good. Should I unplug it?

Should I unplug it and see what stops working? No, because it runs to the next building over. And that's how we got our electricity. I was trying to roll my chair into a more comfortable position I kept running into. Look at this. No, don't. That's all my stuff over here. Look at this industrial-sized extension.

Yeah, I don't know why it's way over there. Usually it's kind of tucked over here. Probably got caught up in the vacuum or something. Yeah, I had to run that thing. That's been there for a long time. That's you. I was going to say there's no vacuum. I don't think we have cleaning people anymore.

Oh, we do. We do? Yeah, I notice it. Are they just not coming in here? Yeah, I guess it's been a minute since they came in here. I have like a week's worth of trash in this thing. And I was trying to find out where do we get extra garbage bags? I was just going to take it out.

Oh, no clue. Yeah, not too sure. You're going to take out the trash. So this cord powers everything that you've got cooking over there. Everything. Would that be devastating if I pulled the plug? Yeah, it wouldn't be good. I wouldn't do that to you.

All right. Sorry. I just wasn't sure what was going on there. What's going on otherwise? Oh, you know, I was reading about the young people. and tell me, did you have a lot of in-and-out type jobs when you were young? You were working here for a couple months and you went over there, then you went there for six months and you went here.

Never. You held up, like you held on to your gigs as a young person until they threw you out? Pretty much, yeah. The only times I ever left, so when I went away to college, I had to take a pause on the jobs I had. back and did them though um afterwards i've always kind of you know like our grandfathers or grandmothers they worked at the same place their entire lives like they get a plaque like my uncle worked for coca cola since he was a little kid until he retired or my dad my uh my one of my other uncles worked at

the ford plant you know when that was around oh yeah so i mean they just worked there forever and that's kind of how well that's how it's been for you me i i'll hit 30 years this year with this company, well, the companies that have owned this radio station. We didn't give ourselves much, we didn't give ourselves a hell of a lot of time to F off and leapfrog from job to job to job because we both started here fairly young and 30-some years have gone by now. What about Ashley and Dana for a stretch of time there, like when you were first getting real jobs, did you bounce between a few of them?

Yeah, I did. Okay. I thought that was fairly normal. Yeah, I think so. What I was reading this morning is, oh, the young people these days won't commit themselves to a job. They bounce from job to job to job. And when I read it, I said, well, isn't that kind of how young people have always done it? Yeah, I mean, necessarily that young.

So these are more, they're talking about like people who maybe Ashley's age or maybe even up to Dana's age who bounce around more. I know people like people. People that old? Your wife's kind of like that, right? where she's had contract jobs here and there. I suppose. For different companies sometimes. And so that's like my sister-in-law is the same way.

And I've heard that that's how you make more money nowadays is you go somewhere and then the next place they figure out what you made at the first place and maybe you get a little more. If my wife's making real money, she sure as hell doesn't fill me, you know. Okay, so I'm misunderstood because I hate this gimmick that we've been obsessed with for the last 10 or so years, where everyone is defined as a Gen Z or a Gen X or what are the others? Millennial. Millennials. Gen Alpha now.

I hate that bit. I just truly hate that bit. Oh, you're a Gen Z. Oh, you're a boomer. All that crap. It just labels you. And I'm not into it. So I got confused.

I read Gen Z and I figured that meant really young people. I mean I think a Gen Z could be 30 or almost 30 right now. Yeah. You're right. So, yeah, it's not necessary. I know what you're thinking even younger than Ashley. I was thinking fresh out of high school up until you're 25, 6, 7 years old. But it could be someone even a few years older than that.

Correct. Okay, sorry. But it just mentions that they make sudden exits, minimal loyalty, things like that. And I suppose I had a couple gigs when I was. young that I quit on day one. But other than that, yeah, I stuck it out. I mentioned if I only had the one where I worked

for UPS and assumed that I'd be a solid employee and the guy that was overseeing me gently suggested that I would not be a solid employee. So that was my one day. Well, technically I worked there for over a couple weeks with all the training they give you. Training. Oh, I hate that.

Day one on the job. Army training. I liked training. You guys didn't like that kind of thing. I guess I like to training when I was a server or a bartender because usually we would get to try basically the whole entire menu. You're sitting there drinking all this. Yeah, that sounds awesome. When I worked at Olive Garden, that was the best because I, gosh, I think I was, I was allowed

to serve, so I was at least 18. But it was like a week long of training, and I ended up drinking a few nights that week with my girlfriends and there's nothing better than going into Olive Garden at like 10 in the morning eating like seven different pasta dishes just hung over. It was so great. I had training of the

car rental joint that worked at and it was about a month long, honestly. And it was basically like school. You went in and it was like a person lecturing, giving you lessons about the ins and outs of the car rental industry. That's how it was for at UPS. I'm assuming it's the same. I mean, I learned about

all the different symbols. you might see on a package and how to treat every package. Will you stop waving to people as they walk in the building? What are I supposed to do? Nothing. Don't wave back. You're working. It's a friendly greeting.

I can give them a wave. Why are people waving at you when you're trying to work? They're trying to say hello. But it's not the right time. This is the 100th time where I thought Josh was signaling me that something was wrong or somebody was waving to people as they walked. Sorry, I blew up. Anyway, I had a couple of jobs that I quit after.

one shift because they suck so badly and I knew I wasn't built for it. That was right out of high school. The warehouse jobs I had beyond that, the Zamboni job that I had beyond that, I stuck around. But I just thought that was the common trait of any young person. I didn't think that it was any worse now than it was 35 years ago, but I'm not hiring anybody around here. So the story I'm reading is that, you know, there's this concern that Gen Z people, whoever they are,

their average commitment to any one job is less than two years. I kind of have noticed that like on LinkedIn, right, where you might look at somebody's profile, and they've got just all these different jobs. And it's always like some of them a year, two years, maybe three years. I've noticed that as well. And I, like a friend of mine, he worked for some bigger. your company's here, corporate ones, right? You probably guess.

And he said they'd be laid off in order to get a different job in the, like a different corporate job. Like it was kind of like it would just continue happening. It was, I don't fully understand it, but basically you'd say, yeah, we get laid off from this department because we're going to work at this next one. And sometimes it was an advancement. Tell me this, Cubby. Let's say you're running a sex doll warehouse.

Go on. You hire someone that's 22, 23 years old. Do you expect them to be committed to that gig until the day that they die? Not that job, no. Maybe 29 or 30. Well, no, forget about the job. Any job. You're running a warehouse.

You make, give me something. You make toilet paper. Okay. It doesn't matter the job. If you hire someone that's 21 or 22, you probably don't expect that they're going to be the greatest employee in the world, the most committed employee in the world, and you can count on them until the day that you retire.

But like, say, a 29, 30-year-old, maybe you would expect that, right? Right. Yeah. I mean, I thought that's kind of what the story says here, and that doesn't sound any different than it was when I was a kid. I always thought it was funny when the places that I worked at when I was in, like, high school or my very early 20s, they would ask, like, oh, what's your future look like? And you'd have to say something like, oh, you know, I'm going to have to run.

Hopefully I'll run this place one day or something. Like, I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow. I need to pay the rent, you know. This isn't like my life wish to do this as a job. Here's a word that might irritate some. It kind of got under my skin right away. It says here that young people these days have admitted to taking a job that they knew was a situation ship.

A short-term, low-commitment, never meant to be long-term type of gig. Well, that word's stupid, but yeah, it goes back to what you were saying. You got to pay the bill somehow. You know, they're not in love with the job, but they need to do something. This is a good one. I used to deliver Loub by the truckload. Jesus said there's no employee loyalty because there's no employer loyalty. So I'm going to say you should only be as loyalty to the employer as they are to you.

I mean, I don't know. I feel a commitment to my coworkers, you know. I mean, I hear what you're saying in a way, but I don't necessarily feel that way. And because sometimes I've noticed people that decide they just have given up and they're not going to want to work. They want to raise, and they want more responsibilities or whatever, but it's like the wrong attitude, because everyone's like, that person's given up, they don't want to work.

Exactly, exactly. My damn, have we seen some examples of that around here over the 30-some years? I want it all is this is the ideology of some of these people we've crossed paths with. Give me all the money. Give me all the respect. You can muster. But am I going to do anything above the bare minimum? No.

It doesn't make any frigging sense. I know what you're meaning, Dana, by you should only be as loyal to your employer as they are to you. But Josh makes a great point. I mean, we know a couple people in management, right? We like them. But that never enters my mind. My commitment is to the three of you people and to our listeners. I mean, I know every job is different.

But forget about the boss. I never think about the big boss because... Yeah, I really don't either. That's true. I never think about the grand, you know, the whole smear, you know, cumulus media, right? That almost never enters my mind. It's one of those where, you know, if you feel that way, it's understandable, obviously. You understand.

But you just should work somewhere else probably. But if you're a boss, you're going, you know what? I know for a fact, you're underpaid. See that guy over there that's doing nothing? That's my guy. That's the guy I'm going to promote. They're not going to do that. So the gist of this report is a lot of hiring managers say they've chosen not to hire young people

because they can see that they're just job hopping. Tough. I'm glad I don't do any hiring around here. I would not want to be looking for a job right now. Well, I can tell you around here, the hiring department, they're not too busy. Those guys don't have a lot to do. They haven't been for a stretch of time. There's a lot of, like medical device Jesus said,

you should see some of the training we do in medical devices of manufacturing, real scientists, doctors, FDA experts, they'll come in and do full courses for us. and there's a whole new conversation here connected to the article about, you know, what the young people are doing wrong on the job. You know, older people, I guess, bitching about the younger people. My mom was just doing this the other day. Oh, yeah? Yeah, she said, you know, Ashley, your generation, they just don't want to do anything at their job.

I was like, hey, hey, hey, you don't need to come for me right now. It's like I have successful friends, Mom, not all of them, but most of them. Some of this stuff is kind of funny because it's the older people saying, hey, you should have to suffer like the rest of us did, right? So some of this is kind of funny. Quitting instead, this is older people bitching about younger people on the job. Quitting instead of suffering in silence. You should suffer in silence like I did 40 years ago. quitting instead of suffering in silence.

Asking for work-life balance. Like it's a human right. I hear that word a lot now. Where's the work-life balance? Doesn't exist, really, for a long time. I think we were short on work-life balance for quite a stretch of time. But still are. Nobody believes it.

And, you know, we don't complain about it because you sound like a, you know, whatever you sound like. Well, I think we're doing better when it comes to, I know, I'm doing better when it comes to work-life balance than I was 10 years ago. More anxiety than Hair Jesus says, I work in medical device component manufacturing. The training is absolutely abysmal, basically every company he's worked for in that field.

We do a lot of training, but it has really nothing to do with what we do. You know, a lot of cyber training, really nowadays. Yeah, so much. Listen to this complaint from older workers complaining about their younger coworkers. They want mental health days instead of just crying in the bathroom. I just cry in the freezer at work. That's what I used to do all the time when I was a server. Why'd you cry?

Rude patrons? Just getting like frustrated, just flustered. And it's not really like I'm sad. It's like I finally just break a little and some tears come out. Did you ever have one little tear freeze while crying? Did it freeze to your cheek? you left it there so your fellow co-workers would see. Your tears just shatter on the floor.

I used to go in there and cry and then steal cheese and eat cheese in there. That sounds like a country music song from 30, 40 years ago. Crying in the freezer. I bet it exists. One single tear froze. From crying in the freezer at work. Young people, like I said, this is pretty. cute. Young people expect feedback that isn't soul crushing. Using personal time off for Taylor Swift

album releases. Hey, it's their PTO. I ain't coming to work today. What do you mean you're not coming to work? Taylor Swift, you got an album coming out today. Working. God. Gets in the way of a lot of fun stuff, doesn't it? Yeah, it's so lame. For years. Working. Why the hell couldn't I have been a Friggin' trust fund, baby. I don't even want to hear that from you. You married rich. You had a chance. You could have just suffered through that.

Yeah, suffer through a marriage like the rest of us. She's right. It's about the money. You did. You could have had all the money in the world. I had it in the palm of my hand. And I let it go for this. Actually, it kind of was for this.

What a fool. I was. Because she said, ah, she didn't want to live in this town anymore. She wanted to go somewhere. And she said, well, you can just take a radio job at, you know, any radio station. And I said, but I don't want to do afternoons at a country music station. I don't want to have to play.

This is the mid to late 90s. So I said, I don't want to have to play Brooks and Dunn. You know, I don't want to, I want to stay here in Minneapolis and do the morning show with Gabby. What a fool. I could have just. Yeah, I'm glad you didn't. On Easy Street. Someone else has to have to wrap up this break.

I've become overwhelmed with emotion. Well, thank you, actually. Would it make you feel better if I reminded you that she was crazy hot as well? Oh! Do you feel better now that you walked away from all that? Was she that hot? She was pretty hot. Dude.

And also very funny. She wasn't funny. I thought she was pretty funny. Very sweet. You better say something nice about my latest wife. She's like 15 times all that. You know that. She's one of the best people I've ever met.

True story. I like her quite a bit. I do. She's way smarter. Oh. Oh, now I feel bad that I had something. Then who? Then who?

I don't even know who. you're not even going to say who. No, I'm not going to say who. Yeah, Ashley's right. I could have been miserable and rich. Rich, Dana, pay attention. I could have been miserable and rich. Did we lose you completely or something?

No, no, no. Oh, yeah, he was addressing you. Yeah. I just, I mean, I made the same point over and over again. I didn't know what you wanted me to say. You feel bad for you, my friend. Yeah, of course you do, because you're living. in the high life married to a teacher.

Exactly. Who makes more money than me. We got to get going. You're a great crowd. It's Monday morning. Like I said, if you're feeling funny, around 815, our pal, Dr. P. Jesus, we'll swing in.

And you can text him a question about what the hell's going on with you. Randy Shaver and Brad Reader will join us at 730. I'm sure they want to open their flies and talk up and down about the football playoffs and the college, the foot and then the wolves they'll go mental today, I bet the both of them. Oh, I'm sure they'll be excited. I just watched the Bears Packers game. Sounds like that was the one to watch too.

Never saw it. My husband turned it off after the first half. I thought about it. I'm so glad I did. I thought the same thing. He's so mad at himself. I'm sure he is. I like, yeah. I watched. I didn't watch any of it. I watched no football. None whatsoever. No, no.

I didn't get around to watching any football. But I certainly read about and saw some highlights of this and that. And yeah, it Sounds like that Bears Packer game was a thing. It was a thing. Big freaking scene out there where one team was going this way. Then the other team, right? Yeah.

Came out of nowhere. They just decided like in the fourth quarter. You know what, we should win this game. I love what they do that. We'll take a crack at the stupid news when we return. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com.

Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees. maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Next role with Vernon Davis, the transformative journeys of athletes, artists, and entrepreneurs. Ladies and gentlemen. Sean Merriman. I want to be the biggest and the best one I do. And so whatever it takes, I'll get it done in business and everything else.

All I do is know how to fight and earn what I want. My man. Malik asks, what actor, comedian, what you want to collaborate with? Me, Jamie Foxley, Kevin Hart, in a movie. We said it on Vernon Davis podcast then. So we'll circle back. Be like, yep, it'll go to Cleop. Next role with Vernon Davis.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Let's see where we can go with our very first stupid news report for the week. Oh, here you go. This one's for you, eighth graders. Hope you're happy with this. All your friggin' six, seven nonsense has caused at least one fully grown adult to completely bust a spring. It was only a matter of time.

It was. Here's the deal. A day or two ago in a place called Arlington, Virginia, local police and firefighters had to team up to rescue a feller who was up on a rooftop having a mental meltdown. Someone called the cops and said, You might want to swing by and help this dude out. I think the sum bitch is having a panic attack. The collar told the cops that the doad was repeatedly screaming 6-7 at the top of his lungs.

He just got tired of hearing it. Over and over again, screaming 6-7-6-7 and by damn. Six-seven. This poor guy. He just couldn't handle it anymore. I mean, think about it. He's a grown man, this guy. He's seen all the dumbest trends come and go during his life.

My belief is the six-seven gimmick, easily the dumbest trend ever. It overwhelmed him, and he gave way. It could happen to any one of us. Consider yourself lucky, Josh. to you? Possible. He's not going to face any charges. Everyone in town understands.

They don't blame him for buckling under the weight of stupidity. You ever heard someone say something so dumb that you could actually feel it, take a toll on your physical or mental health? Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Especially when they say it

in a way that you know they're trying to present something intelligent. Yeah. That's one of my favorites. I truly believe that's what happened to this, this poor bastard. He just busted upstairs. His brain, the stupidity of current times fried his brain for him. And he gave way. While being hauled over to the hospital, the dude was also overheard mumbling to himself. Let's go. mess.

He brought those ones back. On fleek. My eyebrows, I try and keep those on fleek. Do you guys notice? Yeah, you do a good job of that. Thank you. They heard him say, extra. Did he throw out a yeat?

Like if they went through a yellow light or something like that? No, but he said low-key to himself. He was mumbling low-key. Well, that's hot right now. And he said cringe a few times. And other overused, trendy garbage words. So again, I hope you're happy. young people. You broke the poor bastard. You broke him in two. Sorry this guy was having a tough time,

but it would be tough not to crack a smile if there's an adult screaming six, seven, over and over and over from the rooftop. I would wonder, how lucky am I that I got to witness this in person? What a blessed day today is. It would be something. You know how much I do love full-on adult-style temper tantrums. Oh, I love when an adult goes into a spinning temper tantrum like a child. I want ringside seats for that. A mental meltdown like this? I can see how you might be drawn to that, Josh.

Yeah, not the meltdown part, but just the adult screaming six, seven. Oh, just, you, okay, I see. You're more just drawn to the six, seven bit itself. He's crying it from a rooftop somewhere. Can I tell you what I heard someone scream over? and over and over and over again. You know you've fully given way when you just scream the same thing

over and over and over and over again. This is when we were 17 years old. And what this individual... This was a friend of mine. What he screamed over and over and over again from the basement of a house party? I love that bitch! I love...

It all started when the house party began my pal walks in with his girlfriend, the bitch that he loved. He walks in with her, but she broke up with him on the spot. Sox, man. Some rough timing. He couldn't handle it. So he went down to the basement all by himself and screamed that for about 30 minutes.

It created a fist fight in the house. It created a fist fight amongst friends. Because half of us were opening up the basement door going, up. Get over it for Christ's sake. Come upstairs and drink some beer. And the others were saying, leave him alone. He needs some alone time. No. You guys don't understand. He really loved her. So there was half the crowd was backing his tantrum. The other half wanted him to shut up and it ended up with a big fist fight amongst friends. I got punched in the face and threw punches at some of my friends over this, I love this bitch guy. I'll remember that till the day that I died.

That was one hell of a night. One hell of a night for our friend group. He just went down in the basement and snapped. You wouldn't expect that bitch preceded by I love. I mean, the I love is, that's a nice part. And then that bitch seems to give an extreme example of why she decided to break up with him. Yeah, it was a little confusing. It is confusing.

The way he presented his love. Even in super cool Japan. where everyone is so effing cool. Even in Japan, some folks are having trouble keeping it together. I can't say for sure that this meltdown was 6-7 related, but it was an ugly scene. Nonetheless, a lady took on an entire Japanese police force with a meat cleaver. Dude. After she had a mental catastrophe.

There's video going round of what happened. You know how the videos do. They just go round and round. Yeah. It says here the gal was a setting at a little cafe in town. After she had something or another to eat, she tried to pay for her meal by using her cellular telephone. How that is done exactly?

I have no idea. Apple pie. Huh? It's very easy. It is. You're able to... It's like a tap. You just tap your phone.

Do it tap. Right there. Keep it next to the thing. Ding. Tapy tap. And then I hear a ding sound. Yep. And I'm good.

Yeah. She tried to pay for her meal with her cell phone. But it didn't work because her telephone had run out of battery power. Oh, I run into that issue quite a bit because I hate having to carry a wallet around. And so Apple Pay is one of the best things to actually. happened to me. But I forget some places do not take Apple Pay. So then

that stresses me out because then I'm like, oh, well, I don't have my card, so I guess I'm not paying. Or my phone will be on 2% and I'm trying to rush through whatever I'm doing because I know I don't have my debit card on me. Well, you know, you could. Are you one of these people that

Josh, don't you know people who run around with their phones constantly at 2, 5%? And I'm not trying to be an old guy, but it does seem to be young people. I don't play that game. My phone has never seen 2%. Yep, that's my phone. I charge that pig whenever I get the chance. Anyway. I'm bad. I'm lazy. If it's upstairs, I'm not going up there to get the charger. Really? I used to be the guy that would carry his cell phone charger around with him at all times. Just in case I was on public, I needed to charge it.

I'm never away from home, I guess, that long where I'd have to do it. But, yeah, I don't, I don't know if I've gotten below 40% I'm not a risk taker guy. We know that about you. I don't like to live on the edge. All right, so this gal tries to pay for her meal with her cell phone, but the battery has run smooth out, and that's when her brain shorted out. At that moment, she picked up a meat cleaver

and started windmilling herself around the cafe looking to cut up anything that entered her wheelhouse. The folks working at the cafe, tried to help her pay for her meal in other ways, but it was too late. She had already short-circuited. She snatches the meat cleaver, oh, and a pair of scissors off the counter, and started spinning. Everyone runs for their life. New guy in the cafe was in the corner, puking his guts up.

Everyone runs for their lives. The next customers to visit the joint was a good dozen cops in full on riot gear. And the lady with the smoke coming out of her ears and the meat cleaver wasn't scared at all. She slapped a few cops in their riot shields with that meat cleaver. But before too long, the Japanese police overwhelmed her and took her away. They took her to the hospital. It's obvious to me, Cubby, she could use some rest. Yeah.

I think so. Maybe like a professional just to have at least one meeting with. Sleep. Sleep. They came at her with the full outfits, though, didn't they? Well, they were left with not many choices on that. She had a meat cleaver and some scissors. Dangerous stuff right there.

And obviously, a lot of rage over something relatively minor. Dang. And she probably wasn't carrying the scissors in the safety position either, like they teach you in elementary school. Up to your throat. Now we've... moved on over to China. And this one, I think this one will throw you a little bit.

Again, with this effing nightmare, another young person who took some terrible advice from the internet. What was it last week? Oh yeah. Last week we talked about some kid read online that he should drink his own blood to make him big and strong,

and the kid nearly woke up dead from that, chugging his own blood. How about this effing nightmare right here? Let's see where you go with this. A 23-year-old kid in China, F me running, but he goes by the name of Zeng. Let me tell you what nonsense he believed

fresh off the godless internet. Apparently, he read online that firing a leech up into his pee hole would have, quote, miraculous effects. There's no details on these miraculous effects, but that's what he read online. I'm a little skeptical that he read that online. I mean, I could see just having to say something versus I really wanted to put a leach on my wiener. I never considered such a thing because, these stories are so common that a kid took some advice off the internet and it went wrong.

So you think maybe he did this on his own and is blaming the internet? Possibly. Sure. It's possible. But then again, this is a story on the internet. So, I mean, it's like a whole full circle of what to believe, that type of thing. I think this is probably right. Now I have a headache.

Now I think it's recreational. I feel like I'm in the Matrix or something. So let me just go ahead. Where was I now? Yeah, he read that throwing a leech up into his pea hole would benefit him. So he found himself a big, fat, juicy, five-inch-long leech in a pond or something like that. He removed his underwear. He braced himself, and he fed that leech up his flipping sensitive Chinese urethra.

He did. In the story, it says that he followed their instructions, the instructions on the internet. He followed them perfectly, and he waited for those miraculous effects to kick in. Well, some effects did kick in, the effect of great pain in his tallywacker. He couldn't piss to save his life. What Zeng didn't know was that the leech was that the leach, wasn't content living in his pea chute. It slithered its way into Zeng's bladder, and it started eating his bladder from the inside

out, and the leech was sucking hard. Oh, I bet the leech was geeked. Eating up all the blood and whatnot, smooth off the walls of Zeng's bladder. You think the leech was excited? Yeah. Yeah. What a spot. Absolutely.

What leeches do. Didn't have to do anything? neither. Next thing you know, Zang was in enough pain to where he did something he never considered before. He turned off the internet and actually sought help from an outside source, his

neighborhood hospital. Doctors had to cut open his guts and they hand fought that leech until it released its suckhold on Zang's bladder. Like many leeches when they're removed from a

sweet spot that they don't want to be removed from, It screamed after it was pulled from Zeng's body, blood dripping from its suckle. You know, leeches have that high-pitched scream when they don't get what they want. The story says the leeches scream could be heard down the hall at the hospital. You know, he never said also what the medical benefit was going to be. Because he got caught in a lie again. Oh. Yeah.

You know, I saw it on the Internet. Oh, really, what was it supposed to help? Uh. Oh. I didn't think that far. head. Okay, so again, you're going with this was all his idea. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. This was for fun.

Zang started to feel better right away when they closed up his guts. He was able to take a fat piss. So they say he's going to be all right, but he's still at risk of infections and future issues

because of what he did to himself. The doctors who wrestled that screaming leach out of Zhang's body again pleaded for people to quote seek science-backed medical treatments instead of baseless remedies found online in pop-up ads on porn websites.

Yuck. I just seriously doubt that I would have the ability to do that to myself. No, not at all. I mean, I don't think I could, You guys know I have that narrow urethra. I don't think I could get a leach up. Yeah, it's not fitting.

I could probably get a baseball bat up there, but I don't think I could bring myself to do it. You have a narrow urethra. Mine is like a, it's the circumference of a basketball. Yeah, it's like a popcorn bucket. Yeah. But I just don't think I could. A leach?

Hell no. No, I couldn't. People get some friggin' wacky ideas in their head. Do they not, Smashley? Just thinking about it. I'm trying so hard to push it out of my head. I'm trying to think if I can get an earthworm up there. I don't think so.

An earthworm? What about like a maggot? Those are small. I bet I could get a maggot up there. It's been a long time since I heard someone say earthworm. That's why I mentioned it. What was the old song? Wasn't there a song?

About worms? Inch worm? Earthworm? Yeah. Sing me the inch worm. song when it comes back to you. I can't remember. What would I do with the other half of an inch, though, if I tried an inch worm?

Cut it off. Hanging out the outside of that thing. Cut it off and eat it. I'll give this gal credit. We're talking wacky ideas. At least she came up, I believe she came up with this completely effed up idea all on her own. You know, at least she's not just one of these people who believes in and follows every trend and every stupid conspiracy theory that they read online.

Oh, I got a sneeze on deck right now. Oh, it'll knock your socks off. Sorry. Dr. Peace coming in later. You can ask him about it. This gal had an effed up idea. I'll tell you what she does. She snorts all of her meals.

Hmm. I guess that's one way to consume things. I don't have an aversion of chewing, but I have an aversion to the weird textures that come with food. I do not see snorting my food as a problem. I think it has a lot of benefits, no risk of choking. I don't overeat. I consume less calories.

I have had bloody noses about once or twice, and that was more at the beginning. It has really no drawbacks except nobody accepts my habit. Nobody accepts me for who I am. I just want to be accepted, as she said. Yeah, I hated that. I have weird issues with texture of food, but I'm not going to snort it. I'm just going to stay away from that type of food that I don't. Did you guys enjoy it?

her delivery. Did you like the way she came off? I wonder, she's so nasally. I wonder if she's got some food stuck up there. That would make sense. Again, if you missed it, she snorts all of her meals. Like a Coke pig snorts booger sugar. I've never heard of this one, Josh.

Yeah, that's new to me as well. Catherine is the name she's going with. You heard her right there with her vocal fry in her kind of obnoxious California delivery. She fires all of her meals into a blender, and she snorts it through a straw. Gross. I mean, that's what you do after jaw surgery, right?

Well, not the snorting part, but blend all your food. Right. Some of you might be aware of this gal already because she showed up on last Wednesday night's edition of a television program called My Strange Addiction. I think I've seen that once or twice. I didn't know that was still going on. Catherine says my relationship with food was very normal up until the point where I was in community college.

This started honestly with a dare to try snorting a flavored fruit drink. She did. She said when she did it, she got a head rush, and it came off fruitier than if I was to have taken it in with my. my mouth, she said. It was phenomenal. Since then, I've been taking food in nasally. Now, you heard her in the audio there say something about food textures. She's opposed to certain textures. I don't know how you do it. I mean, on a dare, I snorted some splendor once out of Perkins. And that hurts so bad. I can't imagine. You snorted what? Some splenda, you know, like the fake sugar. Like those little packets they have for people's coffee.

Oh. You've been talked into some weird things at Perkins, man. Between the 13 muffins and snorting Splenda. Like what goes through your brain when you're at Perkins? I think we just spent too much time at Perkins. That might be it. Like I've said before when Josh has told these stories of eating challenges and snorting this is what the kids that don't drink at your high school, that's what they do.

These kids definitely drank. They were big drinkers and drug users. I don't know. You hung out with the drug users? Well, recreational. We, I think we, you know, it was one of those things where you just couldn't not,

you didn't want to be the guy that wouldn't go through with a dare. Sure. And there was a couple guys that I don't think there's anything they wouldn't do. Most of us had our limits. But there was a couple that they, there's no way their pride would allow them to say no to something. Do you have any other Perkins confessions you'd like to make as long as we're on the topic? That's about it.

That's about it. Yeah. Just that. and the eating 13 mammoth muffins on a deer. It's insane. So this Catherine gal comes off saying the flavor

is more intense when she snorts her food and she doesn't like the textures of certain foods in her yapper. So this is what got the whole thing going. It's been five years

since she's consumed food the way God intended with her yaphole. She sniffs omelets. She'll sniff a steak. She'll sniff coffee. She even sniffs that horribly disgusting guacamole garbage. She says snorting food really has no drawbacks. Well, you heard her in the audio mention a couple of nosebleeds.

She says it has no drawbacks except for the fact that she now has no friends. Her family's terrified of her. and she couldn't get laid to save her life. On last week's episode of the My Strange Addiction television show, Karen was worrying about her new boyfriend. She was worrying about how her freak show eating habits would affect this new relationship. She just got herself. She's not going to go well.

She was seeing a new dude. She wasn't sure how he'd handle it did not go well, according to what I'm reading. He did not handle that well. If somebody told, if I, if somebody in my life started doing that, I would exit that relationship, 100%. You go out to dinner with someone for the first time and they snort a cheeseburger and fries? I'd be horrified. I'd be more horrified just to be around her if she's about to sneeze.

I think I'd have to run. Dude. You think your sneezes are bad. Imagine the colors she blows out of there. Just an entire macaroni salad coming out of that. New guy in the corner, puking it. She recently went to see a dog. doctor who told her that what she's doing can present some problems.

Like food making its way into her airway and or her lungs and then she suffocates and dies. Infections and this and that. It's not a smart thing to do overall, for God's sake. Knock it off. She promised on the show that she's going to try her best to stop snorting food. Come on. We get it. Just stop doing it.

You're so different, you're so unique. It's over. Just stop it. My take is, I don't think this really has that much to do with texture and flavor. This is, look how different I am. Look how unique I am. Well, I think so, yeah. Damn.

All right, we got time for one more. This went sideways fast. The folks over there at Bath and Body Works. They dumped out a new pizza and ranch scented candle. Do you guys dip your pizza and ranch? No. You do? I've never done it.

Never once in my entire life have I done such a gross. It grosses me honest. And then I get really pissed when we make a pizza or order a pizza. And then I realize we don't have ranch. I just honestly, it's not appealing to me anymore. I won't eat it. Yeah, I don't think pizza needs anything. I need my ranch, my tabasasas.

sauce, my Parmesan, and my red-crushed pepper. Oh, I do like the crushed pepper. I want it all. Like most of my foods, Cubby, I like my pizza as dry as the floor of the desert. I could serve you a saltine cracker with a little bit of spaghetti sauce and cheese on it. You wouldn't even know. I intend to work all of the muscles in my throat in order to get my meal down into my stomach. Bone dry.

Be a man. Eat your food bone dry. Make it dangerous on the way down. How dare you add some flavor. I didn't say I didn't want flavor. I just want it bone dry. Folks at Bath and Body Works, last month they came out with this pizza and ranch-scented candle.

But the word is they've already canceled this candle because the smell of it was making people gag. New guy in the corner. Again, there was video going round and round on the godless. internet that showed a bunch of young girls huffing the pizza and ranch candle and the gals all look like they might vomit. Yeah, I enjoy it, but I don't know if I want to smell that in the candle. Someone else out there said that they smelled the candle too and quote their life flash before their eyes. This must be pretty bad. If you want to try the pig, it says that the pizza

plus ranch-flavored candle might still be available at some Bath plus Body Works locations. They recently dropped the price. It was $26. Now they only want $8 in trade for the pizza and ranch candle because I guess it just, it didn't work.

The whole gimmick was part of a new line of candles from Bath and Body Works called Perfect Pairings. The other flavors are coffee and donuts, popcorn and slushy, Dave and Eddie, and chips and salsa. Word is the chips and salsa candle was also a little rough. I used to love the scratch and sniff pizza stickers when I was a kid.

Just little stickers in general were so much fun. God's going to sit this one out. Jesus. Oh, you already got back to him, Ashley. Yeah. Uh-huh. He says he doesn't think Ashley likes pizza. She likes ranch, Tabasco, crushed red pepper and parmesan. Yeah. No, and I said back to my, I honestly don't like pizza that much.

It's not like my favorite thing in the world. But unless it's El Frado pizza, that stuff is, oh, my God, yeah, they know what they're doing. I like soup, but I also am aware that it's basically just a vessel to get crackers into my mouth. Oh, you like to put crackers into my mouth? Oh, yeah. Cheap thing. She just said that the candle's not that bad. She must have smelled it.

People are being dramatic. She said, I will say it smells weird, though, L.O.L. Now, I want to smell it. I had a friend melt down at me in a public place, Dana, over crackers and soup. Were they pro or con? He and I sat down at this joint. They used to have the best friggin, what do you call that stuff again? Chicken wild rice?

No, it's saucier than that. I'm missing something. It's chicken soup, but it's saucier, like white sauce. Chicken nokey? It's easier than that. Yeah, the only white one I can think of is the wild rice. Anyway, it's some kind of chicken soup. Like cream of chicken soup?

I don't know why, but this is going to bother me. There's a different word for it. There's a different word for it. We both got a big bucket of this soup because it was the best thing, this beer hall. That was their specialty. And I'm like you, Dana. I like just piles of saltine crackers in my soup, where I've even had waiters and waitresses comment on my sodium intake.

It's like, mind your business. So anyway, my buddy's over there, it's not dumpling. Anyway, my buddy's over there windmilling the soup into his yap with no crackers. I'm backing a truck up to put crackers into my, and it bothered me. So I said, you're not going to put any crackers? in there? No, when he continues to eat. Two minutes later, I said, I got all these crackers over here. You want some of my crackers?

No, he continues to eat. Two minutes later, I said, so you never put me any, and he interrupt me in a packed bar. He goes, if I wanted to eat crackers soup, I'd order crackers soup. Yeah, leave the guy alone, Nick. He doesn't want any darn crackers. It's not chicken chili.

It's just, it's not chicken Alfredo. I can't think of it. Oh, chicken Alfredo soup. It doesn't matter. It's real easy. I just can't come up with it. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show.

Fall loose. Champany has it back down. Fox for the win. No good. And the Timberwood survived. Spurs had a 19-point lead in Minnesota. Ends up winning by one. I'll tell you what, that game last night between the Timberwell and the San Antonio Spurs was

mental. Absolutely ridiculous. A friend of mine texted me after the game was over. and said, yeah, nothing like a nice casual Sunday night Timberwolves game. Relax you before the work week. Pretty stressful. Balls. I mean, it was just madness at times.

Absolute madness. They played so poorly during some of that ball game where they just looked lifeless. Somehow they found a way to beat the spurs by one. The fourth quarter was just lights out. The place was up for grabs. In about a half hour, Randy Shaver and Brad Rider will stop by. Oh, we can tell you all about those football games over the weekend. I'll tell you all about Ashley's crooked ex-boyfriend.

Yeah, what happened, Ashley? I don't know. They wanted me to check on you over the weekend just to make sure you were okay. I had so many people send me that. Oh, I'm sure. Did you get him into it? Yeah, of course I did. Were you telling him his muscles weren't as big as they used to be?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bad influence. Friggin' Max Kepler, the show. Strudel. Whatever. He cheated. We'll tell you whatever he wants.

The pigs got a game the night at home against the New Jersey Devils. Josh's news. Coming right quick. The 93X Half-Ast morning show. What's going on,

podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind

before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, It's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930.

Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people, just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Full Send Golf. You guys know how much I really, really love golf. I think every week would be

dope to post on the Golf Channel. I want to get a lot of guests on here. Salaim's going to take leave. I'm down to be in it. It's not really work to play golf. Join the party on the golf course. I was like, let's go to the range. So what are we putting on it? We said 10K, right? 10K? All right? We probably bet more than all the other golf channels, right?

10K, 9 holes. Those guys bet for, like, cookies. I feel like I'm a shanky. This guy's been trading like a Navy seal when it comes to golf. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah. Bullsen golf.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. At best morning show, 90-3 X. Very simply, detectives walked into a horror movie come to life the other night, guys. Are you guys ready for something unnerving? I am. Abhorrent? That's what I live for on Mondays. Dreadladen?

Abhorrence and dread laden. Yeah, hit me with it. Having skeletons in your closet is one thing, but this guy's literal reading of the metaphor, I get so flimmy when I'm scared, left him badly in need of a bigger closet. Investigators have arrested and charged, a Pennsylvania man accused of pillaging a cemetery of human skeletal remains.

The suspect is 34-year-old bone humper, Jonathan Gerlock, apprehended late last Tuesday at a southwest Philadelphia cemetery, the largest in Pennsylvania, and until recently, a place where the dead could reasonably expect to stay put. Police said the grounds under watch after reports of repeated burglaries dating back to November. During that surveillance, they clocked Gerlock's car about 8 p.m. Its backseat stocked like a spirit Halloween from hell, numerous bones and skulls in plain sight. Police stated at the time of his arrest, he was in possession of a burlap bag, which contained the mummified remains of two small children, three skulls, and several other assorted bones. A subsequent search warrant executed as its residents revealed police believe to be more than 100 human skulls, two decomposing human torsos, and various other other remains, including mummified feet and hands, long bones, and other assorted skeletal items.

Most were located in the basement. Some were hanging from the ceiling. Some were skulls arranged on a shelf, while others located in a separate storage locker registered in Gerlach's name. Detectives have recovered an awful lot of bones at this point, and we are still trying to piece together who they are, where they are from, and how many we are looking at, and it's going to be quite some time before we have a final answer.

Even more grave among the remains were those believed to belong to children, some just months old. bones appeared to be hundreds of years old, and investigators are confident several skeletons were taken from cemeteries beyond the one where he was arrested. Investigators dug up digital evidence that he was in the business of selling these remains. Police found his Facebook account was tied to a group called Human Bones and Skull Selling. Oh, subtle. Yeah, kind of on the nose there. Messages within the group showed evidence of his involvement in the suspected sale of human remains

to other members. Even his cash app profile included a picture of him holding a human skull. This is an unbelievable scene that no one involved from myself to the detectives to the medical examiners that are now trying to piece together what they are looking at quite literally. None of them have ever seen anything like this before. Obviously, he wasn't exactly a criminal mastermind. In fact, he left behind tons of evidence at the crime scenes. They found cigarettes, Monster energy, liquid death, and Nass energy cans and the crypts he burglarized.

Geez. Yeah, I'd be going for it. Apparently stealing dead bodies is very boring. It needs all these energy drinks to keep going. It just takes a while, I guess. And he used his Ace Hardware Rewards card to pay for the tools he used

to break into the grain. I might as well get those points. So I have a couple of questions. He was solely acquiring these body parts and whatnot for money? I don't think solely, no. Okay. Because he had them, like, as decorations in his home as well.

Okay. Well, was he eating them? They haven't said that yet. Was he banging him? I kind of wonder. And who were some of his customers? Why would the average schmuck want a, as you put it, decomposing torso?

To bang it, maybe? Maybe to bang it or to, you know, maybe they thought it was cool. I'm not exactly sure. Really interesting. Somebody loved one hanging from your ceiling. Really gross, really disrespectful, really interesting, sickening, all of the above. A deadly serial killer has claimed at least 17 lives in eastern India, including 13 and just two days. And police have thus far been unable to capture the suspect.

Officials say the adult male carried out at least a dozen attacks across a week with 13 people killed in a brutal two-day stretch. Was he eating them? Among the dead were four members of a family struck in separate attacks scattered throughout the region. The suspect is described as having wrinkly skin, a perfect memory, an affection for peanuts, a large trunk, a towering height of about nine feet, and weighing between 8,000 and 10,000 pounds. a prolific people-killing Pachyderm. Oh, for God's sake, for a second there, of course, I thought we were talking about a real human being. That was the goal, yeah.

He did a great job. I was going to ask you, I mean, have we ever had, we've had a lot of whack-bag serial killers in America. Did we ever have any that went through 13 in a day? Probably not. I doubt it. Probably not. And elephants running around town, killing everybody?

Yeah, the angry elephants have been moving violently across the region for several days. The divisional forest office spokesperson said the elephant appears to have turned rogue. Our focus is now to tranquilize it. We're trying our best to control the situation. Even so, fears settled heavily across the region. Villagers report families staying indoors, voicing pointed concerns for children and the elderly. Authorities have urged residents to avoid forested areas and villagers to remain vigilant. How the hell does an elephant sneak up on so many people?

I don't know. I'm trying not to laugh. Too hard because, you know, it's very sad that people are dying, but what does this elephant do it? Yeah, well, it's just the fact they can't capture it. That too. What are his methods? I think he just runs into people and use those tusks to cut them in half. Stomp it on people.

Good Lord. I just don't understand how folks don't see him coming. He has a gun, too. Oh, is he using a weapon? The pattern of attacks has remained consistent. The elephant turns violent after dark attacking houses and villagers by tusk after dusk. It moves extremely fast and keeps changing locations, repeatedly giving teams the slip. Are we talking about like grass huts and whatnot? Yeah, I'm not sure what they're living in.

That would make a little more sense. He waits for it to be dark and then just stomps everyone's guts out in their little hut. During the day, the 80-member team searching for the bloodthirsty killer, said he hides deep inside the forest, which they said makes him, quote, nearly invisible. According to a report by the Wildlife Institute of India. The area is recorded nearly 1,300 deaths from elephant attacks in the past 23 years. Boy, I bet they'll make them mess of you, too. Yeah, it's not something we have to worry about here. That's a lot of folks killed relatively quickly. They say he's horny, and it's made him very angry. Sure. So he's acting out. I got a couple buddies like that. 13 in a day, though. Wow, well, we will. That's impressive. Two days. Yeah, 13 and two days.

but 17, at least 17, they think, just in about a week. One of my favorite stories that was ever told on this show. And I don't want to know if it's real or not. So nobody texts in and ruin it for me. But it's about the elephant that there was a lady that was throwing rocks at the elephant and the elephant killed her. And then ended up coming back like a couple days later to stomp her casket at her funeral. Yeah, I remember that.

That was awesome. That memory. I love that. They can hold a grudge. Get the job done. Wow. Yeah, he wasn't done yet, huh? Maybe he walked away thinking, all right, I won.

You know what, F that lady. I'm going back. You guys think this is over, huh? This ain't over. It's getting started. A Michigan father accused of discharging a handgun just outside his son's middle school because officials didn't allow him to pick up his kid. Offered the court a.

master class in arrested development, demonstrating a new level of maturity by plugging his ears while the judge read the charges. Oh, my, damn. You can't be charged if I can't hear it. Oh, my, damn, that is embarrassing and pathetic. The incident unfolded about 9.50 a.m. last Tuesday at a Romulus Middle School, roughly 25 minutes west of Detroit. 45-year-old Chantez Gregory arrived to pick up his son in the middle of class, but officials said

no. Gregory doesn't like hearing no. So standing roughly a foot from the building, he fired a handgun several times. He doesn't like hearing no. He doesn't. No. Don't tell me no. He didn't shoot towards the school. Direction mattered less than

decibles, though, as the noise alone proved persuasive, prompting an immediate lockdown as Romulus police fielded reports of an active shooter outside the school. Immediately they put the school on lockdown, didn't buzz the person in, within literally seconds. We had officers respond. Following his arrest, he appeared in court via Zoom.

The court appearance was far from typical, with Gregory declining to engage the judge and opting instead for a prolonged immature tirade. When asked to state his name, Gregory replied, nope, good effing by. Minutes later, he clarified his position saying, I said good effing by. I don't need to talk to you. Goodbye. Sir, would you state your name for me, please? Nope, good by. We need to talk to you. Go f***ing by. plan. Goodbye. I said, good-bye. I heard you, sir. I need you to state your name for the record, sir. Goodbye. I want to talk to you. Goodbye. As the judge recited the allegations, he escalated his resistance with a literal refusal to listen by way of kindergarten logic,

placing his fingers in his ears and folding his arms throughout the hearing, signaling he wasn't going to listen to the judge because she wasn't the boss of him. At one point, he addressed the bench directly with career advice saying, why don't you get a job? Go get a real job. The judge noted that Gregory's record includes multiple trespass complaints and prior incidents, including one where he kidnapped his own son from school in violation of existing court orders, excuse me, a history that explains why officials denied his request to pick up the child. Well, I bet this strategy works out for him. La la la la la, I can't hear you. La la la la. This effing guy, is that unbelievable? he's 45 years old.

Oh, man. And, you know, imagine when he's outside the junior high or whatever it was firing his weapon, his kid's got to look out the window and admit, yeah, that's my dad. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean. How friggin' sad for that kid. And it's even worse that he's probably not surprised by the dad's previous behavior, you know. After what he did, how can he still be mad at other people?

That's the genius of him. Yeah, that is. That's the brilliance of it all. That's what makes somebody jealous. I mean, like myself, like, I'd be kind of cool if nothing was ever your fault, your responsibility. You can do no wrong. That's a beautiful way to live. California police are hunting a bargain bin transporter, a bald man with facial hair who wandered out of a Whole Foods last month, carrying $1,700 worth of caviar. Oh, wow.

Dressed head to toe in black, the suspect struck Irvine police as resembling actor Jason Statham. The department described him as a, quote, less attractive version of the actor. Oh, that's rude. But less attractive does a lot of work here. This is Jason Statham if the casting called been posted on a utility pole behind a meth den. This guy is not good looking at all. Oh. The Irvine Police Department leaned into the comparison while asking for help, posting on Wanted Wednesday. This is not Jason Statham filming an action scene in a grocery store. According to police, the man arrived with his own Whole Foods shopping bag, filled it with tins of caviar, abandoned his shopping basket, and walked straight out.

Caviar? Can you get, I don't know you could get that a grocery, I suppose. Yeah, especially Whole Foods. Does anybody had any before? Can you get that a cup? Yeah, I had it once. Oh, yeah, 25, 30 years ago, I thought it was garbage. Yeah, it's a texture thing for me.

I thought it tastes like slimy cobwebs. Oh, I've always wanted slimy cobwebs. Well, you can try it. Do you have a bunch of money to waste on it? I didn't like it. I don't get the attraction. I imagine there's different styles of it. The caviar that I ate just tasted like I was licking a dead fish.

This guy, of all the items in bulk, he wanted to steal, he went with caviar. That throws me. And he's ugly. Press a lady, maybe? Maybe. Did he look like that? But you said he was uglier in a bag full of dongs. Yeah, he was, I mean, I could kind of see what they're saying, but you posted that, didn't you, actually?

Yes, I did. He kind of looks on. Maybe it's just the camera. But he doesn't look fully human. So he's uglier than all hell, but he still sort of looks like Jason. Sort of, yeah. Like if Jason Statham was in a horrible accident and barely survive. Yeah.

There was a fire? Yeah. Okay. Social anxiety, Jesus said he's the Timo, Jason Statham. Tee, moo? It's like a cheap clothing website. Yeah, he kind of looks like he got ran over by a bulldozer that, was on fire.

But no offense. What's the bulk item you'd steal if you went on a fentanyl-fueled crime spree at the grocery store? What's the bulk item you gray? It's not caviar. Paper towels. No.

No, no, no. A food item, you're a nutty bastard. That's going to say, that'd be sweet. You're actually going practical. How about... I'm going to go payday bars. I've been a while since I thought. You know what? You know what's another underrated

candy bar? Go for it. They'll watch them to call it. Dude. That's a good candy bar. Those are so good. They are so friggin. I think I'm going payday bars or hard salami. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. The theft came to light after an employee noticed the caviar section had been wiped clean and reviewed

security footage. For the first time ever, we're out of caviar. I never even, that's nothing that's ever crossed my mind. I have to look. Does my local cub foods have caviar. Yeah, look, you probably have to wander around a little bit, but let us know what you find out there, Cubby. Yeah, I mean, I don't think we've got a whole foods, but we've got like a buyer lease, which seems like maybe they'd carry. Oh, yeah, definitely. Go ahead and buy some. The next person that falls asleep in studio will rub some of it under their nose.

Store management later confirmed the suspect had removed tins. The tins were priced between $100 and $170 each. Again, you got $7.7. $1,700 bucks worth of caviar. Lick me down. You can buy caviar from Walmart. Of course. You can get everything from Walmart. Like at the store or online?

Because don't they have like other, what's it called? Retailers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I went and got myself a flannel, some throwing knives, and some caviar. That's a hell of a Saturday night right there. It appears Daniel Stern had little interest in being home alone this past Christmas season. the actor was ticketed at a California hotel

after attempting to orgasm with the assistance of hired help right in the thick of the holidays. What, that actor, huh? Yeah, Tintzel must have meant trouble for Stern. He dug his hookers? Well, allegedly, yeah. Oh. Allegedly horned up.

Best known for playing Marv and the beloved 1990s Christmas film Home Alone was cited for soliciting a prostitute December 10th. The 68-year-old wasn't arrested, but soliciting a prostitute is a misdemean. in California, violators can face up to six months in jail or $1,000 in fines if convicted. He does kind of look like a hooker guy. Yeah, he does. You know, I was a little surprised by this and certainly disappointed that, you know, he got

busted for something. That's how embarrassing it must have been. And this guy's been trying to stay out of the spotlight, by the way. Oh, yes? Yeah, he ended up just kind of moving to his farm. And he said he'd like to stay private, but this is anything but. Only weeks earlier in October, he'd been rushed to a hospital following. following a medical emergency.

He was later released. His representative said he's now doing well. There wasn't a lot of details on that. I get the guy a break. Home alone was a long time ago. Yeah. I wonder how good of a deal he got on that. If he's getting residuals from it and things like that, he's probably doing okay.

Yeah. He was in one of my favorite movies, Very Bad Things. Oh, that one is dark and fun. I like Very Bad Things. I like the City Slicker movies. I thought he was funny in those. Yeah, I enjoyed those too. A little bit of a different vibe in Very Bad Thing.

I would think so. I heard he was good in Ben Frankenstein. Anybody watch Ben Frankenstein? No. Ben Frankenstein. Oh, I'm sorry, as Ben Frankenstein and Frankenweeney. That was the name of the movie, Frankenweeney. No, I missed it.

Iron Maiden have taken to social media to celebrate the trooper being used in the Stranger Things finale. Oh. The fifth and final season of the hit Netflix series arrived toward the end in last year, released in three volumes, the long-awaited conclusion, finally aired New Year's Day. Following the episodes release, the band turned to social media to acknowledge the moment. In a post online, they shared a graphic showing their mascot, Eddie, upside down, positioned above the show's poster, the inverted figure, of course, serving as a visual nod to the series dark, ominous, parallel reality, known as the upside down. Stranger Things Has Happened, and Eddie got his moment, the caption read before adding, get to see the finale, stream now on Netflix. The heavy metal icons, 1983 Peace of Mind Classic, follows in the footsteps of Metallica's Master of Puppets,

which famously played in Stranger Things Four. I'll be crying like a baby at the Maiden Show come September, right, Cubby? I can't wait for that show. Maiden and Megadeth, that's going to be awesome. Now that fans have seen the crew embark on their final mission, today on Netflix, Stranger Things fans get a behind-the-scenes look at how the final season came together in a documentary called One Last adventure, The Making of Stranger Things Five. And there's NFL playoff action on ABC and ESPN tonight with the Pittsburgh Iahuasca's

hosting the Houston Texans. Zach De LaRocca of Rage Against the Machine, 56 today. Rob Zombie, 61, the human highlight reel, Dominique Wilkin, 66. What? Howard Stern, 72. Today marks five years since Jordan left the Clark family, who reminds us there's always hope and there's always help. Happy 33rd to Johnny

and Anoka and that's 93X News. Randy Schaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. All over Soldier Field. Hearts beating furiously. It's dropped. Love looking. One last

gas fires to the end zone and it is broken up. The Bears win it in a crazy one. Randy Schaber, Brad Brad Ryder. Good morning. How about those opening around? I didn't hear Brad Ryder. Yeah, that was easier air on my part. He's still in the cabin. He's still soundproofing it. He's recovering. Hey Brad, how was the, how was the sex cabin over the weekend? He's gasping for air. Ice in his marbles. Sex cabin, Brad. Brad? He's not there.

Well, I'm, I thought I heard. There he is. There he is. There he is. Oh, was there still somebody sitting on your face? We're trying to ask you about the... No, I just... He just potted me up. I can't do anything about that. We're just curious about the sex cabin trip over the weekend, that's all. I didn't go to the sex cabin.

Oh. Is it a plan? He would do a different sex cabin, not the main sex cabin. The sex hotel. I had a legitimate work meeting on Friday morning because we start back to school today. Oh, we thought you went on. Sorry to blow all the theories that you have. No, we love all your story.

of wild sex. We thought you went up north to bang. Oh. Okay. I'm sorry. Sex meat. We heard, we heard, Brad doesn't need to go up north to bang. He'll bang anywhere. He's a stud. I mean, it's okay if we live vicariously through your wild sex stories, isn't it? We're all bugs. We're all pals. If that's what you're living vicariously through, you pick a new subject. We're on a vicarious dry spell, are we? Okay, so you had a work thing.

We thought you went up north. Sorry we blew up. Right, right. We're sorry we blew up. I had a legitimate work thing Friday morning. Did you get it on over the weekend, Randy? Did I get it on? Yeah.

Up at Brad's cabin? No, right here in town at the old folks home. If that's the case, I've got to go fumigate the cabin, probably. Oh, man. Yes, serious. Iiegen all over your cabin. Yes. All right.

How about those opening round NFL playoff games, huh? How about the Bears? Were you pumped? What a fantastic football game on Saturday night. And I mean, it looked like they were done. Kind of felt like that at halftime for sure. And even third quarter, they were still down two scores or whatever it was. after three

quarters. Just amazing. Caleb Williams is going to be he's already really good but he's going to be so good. He's an intense competitor, isn't he? Yeah, but you know what I love about him, Nick?

I'm not saying that's a bad thing. No, what I love about it, I don't know if you saw every interview I've heard from him this year, but the post in the locker room when they gave away the game balls. I watched it on social media.

They didn't have it on TV. He's so good. I mean, he is, that's the quarterback you want for your team. The way he presents himself, the way he talks about his team, the way he talks about his coach. It's not BS. It's not fake. It's not, I'm a different person when I'm on the field.

It's not any of that. He's not nine. No, he doesn't. Tell us some lame story about his alter ego. Yeah, I absolutely love how he presents himself on the field and what he represents and what the team means to him. That's cool. He really is.

He's the leader you want. He's the leader you want. Yeah, it was, and he played like it. I mean. How do you think? Packers fans are, how do you think they, what are their thoughts on their kicker? I think their thoughts are probably on their coach right now more than their kicker. True.

Rumors are, he might get the boot. Guy LaFluer, whatever the hell is name is. That's part of the reason John Harbaugh was going to wait until after this weekend, I think, to see what teams lost and what teams might be. Yeah. I saw some rumors about John Harbaugh going over and taking that Lafleur's gig. as head coach of the Packers. But wasn't that, I didn't watch any football this weekend.

Wasn't it a total nightmare in the kicking department for the Packers? They didn't miss a big one, yeah. Yeah, but I mean, they lost that game despite that. I mean, there's other ways that they lost that football game other than their kickers. Nick, you'll like this. I checked in on a buddy of mine who's a big Packer fan to see how he's doing. And he gave me the old, I knew the season was over once we lost Micah Parsons, so I'm not that upset.

So he separated himself. Yeah. Okay, I'm sure when they were up 21 to 3 at halftime, I'm sure you were thinking, well, whatever, the season's over anyway, because we don't have Micah Parsons anymore. He didn't want to feel the full brunt of it, so he claimed he separated himself from the Packers weeks ago. I mean, well, I know the guy well enough that he was crying as he sent that text message.

Boy, I don't think those Green Bay and Chicago coaches like each other too much. Oh, boy, no. It's been cold all season. I mean, when you got the, I love it. I love it. I think it's great. I mean, it seems like, doesn't it seem more like a Ben Johnson hatred?

Oh, definitely. Yeah. I mean, it probably doesn't help when he's screaming this in the locker room. You know, F the Packers. I eff and hate the Packers. I actually think that's more of a gig on his part. Like a bit, you think? Yeah.

Just all rah, raw and whatnot. Not a real hatred. I think he brings in Bears fans and they beloved him by doing. by doing that kind of thing. I'm not so sure. It adds into the rivalry a little bit. He knows that Bears fans are going to masturbate to that video. If you couldn't hear it, that was the post-game locker room for the Chicago Bears.

This Ben Johnson guy just busted a spring screaming, you know, with his ball club. Is that the guy you can't stand, Ben Johnson? I thought you were kind of ripping him. no problem with him. Okay. I mean, they won four games last year. I mean, they're on their way to the NFC semifinals. If I were him, I'd be screaming too.

But he screams, F the Packers, F them, I effing hate those guys. I wonder what coach you're thinking of, Judge. I swear you've ripped Ben Johnson before. I'm totally unfamiliar with Ben Johnson, so it must be somebody else. Tell me where you go with this now. Me and, you know, my bro, Leonardo. Yeah, I love him. Love that guy.

Leonardo and I were hanging out Saturday night. And unfortunately, the beer hall we were hanging out at didn't have Prime or whatever it was that played Saturday night. So we were just talking about, oh, there's that ball game tonight. Now, he said, even though he was raised to hate the Packers, the Bears, the Bears are the ultimate evil in his mind. Now, I'm the opposite. although I was raised to hate both clubs, I don't mind the Bears having some success, where I want the Packers to fail at every turn.

Where do you got? Those are the two biggest rivalries for anybody here in Minnesota, biggest rivals for any Minnesotan as far as football guys. When you grew up, I think it depends on when you grew up. When you grew up? You grew up in, yeah. Who do you hate more, Josh? The Bears are the Packers?

I mean, I hate it's an awful strong word. It's like when you, at least in our generation. Wish death upon. You're taught to hate the Packers, right? But I've never really hated the Packers. I mean, I know you're supposed to, but I guess I've never really had. I'm kind of with Josh. If we didn't have success, I always wanted them to have success.

Really? Yeah, and I know I'm probably going to take it. Never felt that way once. Yeah, I think most people don't. Oh, God. Yeah. What were you saying? Why do you say it depends on when you were raised or how old you are, Brett?

Well, I think if you were raised in the era where the bears were pretty good, you know, were really good back in the 80s, and the Packers weren't very good in the late 70s and early 80s. You know, the Vikings kind of dominated them, but the Vikings had trouble with the Bears in the 80s. So if you grew up in the 80s, maybe you dislike the Bears a little bit more. But if you grew up in the 90s, when the Packers were better and the Bears weren't, maybe you ate the Packers more. Fair enough. I don't know. Fair enough. All of these games, with the exception of last night's game,

well, I mean, actually, I shouldn't even exclude last night's game. They were all close ball games. Rams beat the Panthers by three on Saturday. Yesterday, Buffalo won by three over Jacksonville, San Francisco and Philadelphia. Pretty close game. Four points there. And then it wasn't until the ass end of the game. Not that the L.A. Chargers ever really looked like they had a chance last night.

I did see a few minutes of that. The Patriots beat the Chargers by 13. And then tonight, Texan, Stillers. Common theme through all that, other than last night's game, is that the visiting team won. Oh, is that right? Yeah.

I mean, the... Oh, my God. I never noticed that. Yeah. So the home field advantage wasn't much of a home field advantage for those teams. So there you go.

Oh, yeah. Okay, so John Harbaugh, maybe he'll take that Packers gig if they gas. Le Flew. Well, you don't really watch the Vikings anymore, right? No, not really. Okay, so you're not going to see him on the sideline twice a year. Who's that? He'd get frustrated. Harbaugh, if he gets the job.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. So maybe you'll watch those games? I don't mind John Harbaugh. It's Jim that I can. I thought you hated both Harbaugh's. No, Jim is the worst person on Earth. Oh, he's not the worst person on Earth. No, he's not.

He is not a terrible person. For the first time in franchise history, the Minnesota, if this means anything to anybody, the Minnesota Vikings have had two special teamers named to the Associated Press imaginary All-Pro ball club. Those two special teamers are Willie the Club, Rikert, the kicker. He's been named to the first team,

and our co-worker, our co-worker, long snapper, how do you say his job title? A long snapper. Andrew DiPaula was disrespectfully dumped onto the second All-Pro team. And Riker didn't even make the Pro Bowl. Oh, is that right? Yes, but his first team All-Pro. Depos is the first long snapper in NFL history

to earn All-Pro honors in four consecutive seasons, and he knows who he has to back for that. Yeah, that's impressive. Willie the Club and Depot on the All-Pro, the University of Indiana Football Club annihilated the University of Oregon over the weekend. So that means a week from tonight they'll play at Miami for the National Championship. And it'll be a good game. Miami is really good. I said that the other day last week, that their defenses, their front line is really good.

They're talented. but man oh man that Indiana team is so good I mean their offense is tremendous and I was reading about them after the game before the game last week I didn't realize that their average age on that football team is Mancato state like they're like 23 years old the Miami club the Indiana football team they're a lot of the Indiana club they're a lot of the Indiana club they're a lot of fourth year, fifth year, six year seniors on that football team, which in the write-ups, they say that's such a big advantage because they have so much experience. And you see it. I mean, the way they play, Mendoza is so good at quarterback. Tremendous. I know that if Arch Manning came out, he would be the number one pick in the draft, but Mendoza is fantastic. quarterback. What's going to help balance the scale a little bit in this game, though, is it basically a home game for Miami.

I'm not sure that's going to matter, Brad. It doesn't matter a little bit. I mean, Indiana, it's crazy that I'm saying this, right? After covering the Big Ten for as long as we've covered it and talked about it, to say that Indiana has the best college football team in the country is just insane to say out loud. It is. It's just insane to say it out loud. The Miami quarterback is 27 years old from what I understand. Carson Beck? Yeah. Oh, no, sorry. Not 27, but it's his seventh year of college football.

That's what I had in mind. Not that that's out of the ordinary these days. But I'm saying, though, that's what Indiana has. They have a lot of experience. And like I said, their average age is like 23 years. years old. Yeah. I wonder how old that Beck kid is. Seven years of college football. He's 23.

What the hell? Does that make sense? What? Does that make a mathematical sense? How does that work? Was he like a Dugie Hauser style? Maybe nobody knows who that is. 16 years old.

COVID was probably in there at some point, which extended his career. When they were playing that game the other night, whoever Miami beat the other night, the announcer said it was his seventh year of college football. How to hell is he only 23? Unless like Josh said, he joined the team when he was 15. I don't know, but his middle name is Rain, so I find his whole existence to be kind of shady. That's cool.

I knew a girl in her name was Rain, and she was one of the coolest girls I've ever seen in my life. You guys like that, Gimmicka. Give me the full name, Carson, Rain Beck. Yep. Doesn't have much about written to it. Because NIL deal this year is about $4 million, so that might have been another reason why he ended up at Miami.

Yikes. Well, there's no reason to leave. No, that's what I'm saying. Why come out? Oh, yeah. Sorry, we kind of glazed over it. Stillers Texans tonight in the NFL playoff. What a thrill ride, right?

That's the afterthought. That was the least sexy of all the matchups over the weekend. They should have played that one Saturday afternoon. Just get it out of the way. Yeah. Notre Dame's head football coach, a fellae called Marcus Freeman, has been accused of assaulting a high school wrestling coach at his son's wrestling meet.

Police are investigating this Freeman for battery after a high school wrestling coach claimed Freeman got physical with him following a heated verbal altercation. Freeman's kid is wrestling in a high school somewhere. Freeman and the coach hollered each other and then the allegations are that they scrapped a little bit. There's supposedly video proof that

that points out that that did not happen. I'll go along with it. Yeah. That's, I don't think that's going to end up being a problem for Marcus Freeman. I'll go along with it. They get a little heated at those high school wrestling meets or any high school sport these days. Of course, there's always a parent or a coach or two that have a friggin' screw loose. Last night's Wolves game.

just an absolutely unhinged fourth quarter everything you could imagine happened in that fourth quarter and they found a way to beat San Antonio by one point how about the shot by Edwards at the end with like 16 seconds that looked like Magic Johnson that like almost skyhook like shot it was it was like a half sky hook half jump shot half runner As soon as he shot it, I said, oh, my God, that's Magic Johnson. Yeah.

I mean, it just looked like what Magic used to do a lot for the Lakers. It looked like the game-winning bucket that Magic scored over Parrish and McAle in the 87 NBA finals. You're right. When he played center. Yes, it was. Well, no, that wasn't when Magic was playing center. But he did take a skyhook in that game. Yeah, he played center in the Sixers series.

To be a total dork, Magic played center in the 19. 80 NBA finals in 87. At any rate, it was similar. And I'm glad, very glad Edwards made that shot. Number one, it gave him a chance to win. And number two, it redeemed him from the horrible

choice he made in the prior wolf's possession, where he just took a stupid off-balance jump shot. That's the thing that drives me nuts about Edwards. He can be so awesome at times, and there are times he will make a decision that boggles your mind. But that runner

gave the wolves a one-point lead. The Spurs had some cracks at it after that, but they got out of there. They got out of there with the win. And they really struggled at times. They looked lost at times. They shot only about 50% from the free throw line again. But they found a way.

Edwards and Randall were completely different players in the fourth quarter. Much better defensive effort overall. than what they had on Saturday, was it Friday afternoon, Saturday afternoon in Cleveland? Saturday afternoon. When they gave up 146 points. They were just whooped in that ball game. Yeah, much better effort. Dante made a couple of you.

It feels like these games against the spurs and the Nuggets and the Lakers and the Suns and the Rockets are worth a lot more. Well, they are because they're all battling for the number two spot in reality. Yeah, but you still have to take care of business when you're not playing those teams. Dante made a couple of huge plays. McDaniels, Julius Randall played crazy good defense on Vicar. How do you say his name, Wemba Yamba, late in the game? And you heard Jim Peterson on the broadcast last night say,

why do we only play this style of defense in the fourth quarter in a close game? Exactly. Like we talked about a week or two ago. You're not playing the Cavaliers, that's why. I mean, I agree with you, Ranue. I'm just being real. That's why. Because they know that that game means more.

Yeah, but they all count the same. of the standings. I know. I know. It's not that they mean more. I don't disagree with you. I just, well, it is, kind of in a way it is because if the Spurs would have won that game, that's a two-game swing. No, I get, I get it for a tiebreaker purposes or whatever you want to talk about.

I mean, they're just making up an excuse if that's, they all count the same. They won't say it. They have to play more consistently better on the defensive end every game. Mm-hmm. they just do. Otherwise, they're going to be in the middle of the pack in the Western Conference. They're not going to assert themselves to be where they should be. They played without Finchie last night. They played without Finchie.

Head coach Chris Finch wasn't able to be there. He's sick. They're at Milwaukee tomorrow night. There's a lot of that sickness going around. Oh, yeah. If you look at the injury reports in the NBA, I mean, every team has. as at least one guy that's got the pukes and the squirts. Oh, wow. Do you think that's the new, do you think that's the new term for load management?

Load management. Illness. There's always some kind of filth that goes pouring through the locker room this time of year. Let me tell you about my new favorite NBA player is Dennis Schroeder, Dennis Schrader of the Sackmental Kings. Why? Because he went after Donkich. He did what we've all dreamed of doing. a punch at that obnoxious bitch, baby nuts,

Luca Donchich of the Los Angeles Lakers. Now this happened way back before New Year's Eve. This happened on December 28th, off the court. This was after the Kings and Lakers played a ball game. The NBA, I guess, took its time in deciding on the punishment. And yesterday, the NBA decided that Schrader would now be suspended for three games for being just two. and awesome.

Here's what happened. 40 minutes after the final buzzer, Kings are playing the Lakers, 40 minutes after the buzzer, Schroeder went after Donchich as the two of them were leaving their locker rooms. Man, he's really holding that one in. Yeah.

And Schroeder said, You think you can call me a bitch on the court and pretend everything is fine after the game. You're out of your friggin' mind. And then he tried to punch baby nuts in his stupid mouth. I'm not sure if he made contact. I pray that he did.

But some are saying that the fact that Schroeder has been suspended for three games is a sign that he, in fact, did loosen Luca's jaw up a little bit for him. I'll tell you this. If there was a fine being dumped on Schrader, I'd help him pay best I could. Because that's beautiful. I wonder if there is a go-fund me out there to help him make up, recoup the money he's losing, not playing those games. I bet there is.

It seems like there always is on something like that. There's a lot of baby nuts haters out there like myself. So the Lakers and Kings play tonight. Schroeder will obviously not be playing. If this is the WWE, his theme music would hit sometime in the fourth quarter and he'd come running out. Bog God, King is here! He could appeal a suspension and be eligible to play tonight.

I suppose. He appeals to suspension. They play tonight, Kings Lakers, Schroeder not available. Sure, he might appear. In a sign that this drama might not yet be over. Yesterday, the Sacramento King signed All-time great NHL enforcer Dale Hunter

to a one-day contract. They're currently busy teaching him how to dribble the basketball. They plan on starting him at shooting guard for the night's game. Why pretend you can dribble? Just go out there and kill him. Whether he actually connected or not, who knows, but I don't think the league likes the intent of 40 minutes after a game, a guy stalking out and waiting for a guy outside the locker room.

So that's probably why he got the three automatically, whether he hit him or not. Yeah, you think you were to cooled off by then. They signed Dale Hunter. Some of you hockey fans, remember what Dale Hunter did to Pierre Turgeon in the 1993 playoffs. State of hockey. We'll get to hockey here in just a minute. This past Friday night, the Durantula, Kevin Durant of the Houston Rockets, passed Wilk Chamberlain for seventh place on the NBA's career screen.

scoring list. To be amongst the greats is always an honor. Well, to somebody I studied and tried to look up as much as I can on a player like that. You know, and you set a standard, like I always say, you set a standard for NBA players and grateful to reach that and inspired by what he produced to the game of basketball. That must have been the Durantula right there. Yeah, Will Chamberlain was the standard when he was playing. It looks like Doreen. needs another hundred points or so and he'll pass for sixth place

he will pass the German Moses Moses so what do I have here in front of me the top seven it goes Durantula German Moses that prick Michael Jordan Kobe Bryant the mailman

Kareem and Goofy LeBron someone texted in back to sick spreading around NBA locker rooms. Someone in our listing audience is blaming Shaq's toothbrush.

Oh. Yep. Like Shaq did the toothbrush bid again. That's a different kind of... What do they call that when the poop gets on you, Josh? Echola? Echolize, that would, yeah. Red Ram Monster Truck, Jesus said when you have puke and diarrhea together,

that's called the double dragon. Ooh, got the double dragon. Oh, man. I love that. I love that. I think that Shaq is pulling the toothbrush game. Oh, God. Yeah, that can make you sick.

When nobody's looking. The double dragon. I've never had that problem. I haven't either. Thank God. I thought you had when you had food poisoning. No. I thought you were going front door, back door, front door, back door.

Front, front, front, front, back, back. No, I told you that was all front. For me, I guess I could say I got lucky. and I'd never had the double dragon, but you just, you throw up a couple hundred times and then you're done. A couple months ago, I had the dragon. And once you have the dragon, you kind of find solidarity in other people that have had the dragon. Wait a minute, the dragon or the double dragon. Oh, you had the Dobsky.

Mm-hmm. I've only thrown up twice as an adult. What? Really? Yeah. What? Was it sickness or tequila or what was the situation? No, I just don't. I just haven't. I just don't do that.

Well, I've thrown up enough for both of us. Well, he's like Jackie Moon. What movie was that again? Semi-Pro. Semi-Pro. Jackie Moon, the star player for the Flint, Tropics. He did not have the ability to vomit. He never had in his time.

No. My favorite scene from semi-pro, which I do think is a pretty funny movie. It is good. It's 1975, whatever. they're on a long bus ride to a road game. And there's an argument in the back of the bus. I think Woody Harrelson is his character is arguing with some younger players on the Flint Tropics. And Jackie Moon being the player coach, just like Reg Dunlop was for the Charleston Chiefs, he's the player coach.

Jackie Moon from the front of the bus says, hey, come on. Stop that. Stop all that shouting back and forth. Everyone love everyone. We've only got 11 and a half hours to go. I'm on a 32 years streak. I'm sorry? 32 years since I did. You kept track of the last time you threw up?

Well, if you don't do it often, I'm sure it's easy to remember. I don't do it, yeah. 32 years since you cacked, huh? Yeah. All right, new goal for 2026. Let's get Brad to puke. Make Brad puke. Make Brad puke.

I think I tied Brad in just my two visits to New Orleans. Well, now I'm trying to think when's the last time I? I guess for me it's just, well, certainly when we were in the quote-unquote Quervo Nation, I vomited up. But that wasn't my fault. So, Brad, we're about the same age, right? I'm 57. How old were you the last time you've, what's 32, what's 50, 32 minus 50, you know, the math there?

How old were you? In 1993, so I would have been 25. Huh. Well, now I'm starting to wonder if I have vomited since I was 25. Outside of food poisoning, I guess I haven't. Well, like I said, just the one time from drinking. I don't know if I've vomited in the last 25 years or so. That's crazy. But then again, like, I'm a puker.

It's one of those things. It's a puker. It's really easy to give me to throw out. I never should have stopped keeping track. There was a time I kept track. I had a diary. You could probably get an app for it. Oh, definitely.

That's interesting, Brad. If you play professionally as long as that nut job LeBron James has, you're going to hold all different types of records and funny-looking stats and whatnot. Here's one of them. I'm sure Randy Shaver, Brad Ryder, you remember an all-time great Atlanta Hawk by the name of Kevin Willis. Of course. Big center. Pop and rebound.

I thought he was a power for. But anyway. Same thing. Yeah. Played with the human highlight reel Dominique Wilkins for many years in Atlanta. Willis must have played in the league for 20 years or so himself, just like LeBron. So anyway, here's the wacky stat I was telling you about. Kevin Willis is 63 years old now.

Current NBA rookie Cooper Flag is 19, yet they both can say that they played against LeBron James in the NBA. That's wild. That's wild. Willis retired after the 2000-ought-6 season at 44 years old. So a stat recently went around saying that LeBron has now officially played against more than one third of the players who have ever played in the national basketball. That's insane.

It's only 11.5. He's played against one third of the players who have ever played in the league. That's insane. Oh, a flag was the second youngest player ever chosen, number one. Overall, LeBron was the youngest. Golden Gopher basketball. Lost a close one-point game on Friday night to Southern California. California, unfortunately, the game-winning points scored by USC were on free throws from a garbage call by terrible officials.

Throw the boat, scottie-mah, and go over Big Ten Network. One point game. That's too bad. That was rough. Yeah. But a good crowd I heard, too. Yeah, spirited. I didn't see the game, but if it's based off of the game before that they won when they beat Iowa,

hopefully they got more bodies in the seats for the USC game, and maybe the barn is starting to turn around here. Maybe we're starting to see a trend. They'll have a nice crowd this week. They've got Wisconsin at home. Friggin' stupid. I think that's tomorrow, right? Yeah, stupid Wisconsin plays here tomorrow night,

who beat Michigan over the weekend. Yes. Michigan hadn't lost a game yet. So, Ashley, people that are texting in, why are you such a puker? I don't know. I'm sorry, did you already explain that or not? No, I guess I don't know why.

Well, you had like a condition once you talked about before. Yeah, well, yeah, so I have CHS. So I'm essentially like a weed allergy. And so I used to throw up all the time from that. And I think now because of that, how long I threw up from that, I have like a little touch of like PTSD. So if I get nauseated or. even slightly, I'll just be like, all right, I'll just throw up.

That'll make me feel better. People are saying, how is it that you can lick the blood off of a one-night stand? She mentioned, I don't know if the boys were with us, she mentioned a few days ago that she had a couple of experiences where she would, you know, cut a player and then lick the blood. What? Sorry, Randy. I'm sorry. Mid-coitus.

How do you go through with that, but you're a puker? you know what I mean? Well, I'm not throwing up because I'm like disgusted by anything. It's just because I'm a nauseated person. You just generally nauseated. Yeah. I knew a couple. Did you have morning sickness?

I don't remember you. Yeah, I had it really bad. She must have just been hiding it here then. I think I'm like completely blanking, but they even gave me like a diagnosis that I ended up having. And so like it was like morning sickness times 10 and it lasted four. about four months. Luckily, though, Josh, the reason you probably didn't notice is that... She would come into my studio to do.

When you guys didn't know I was pregnant at the time, well, Josh, you might have known. But it was mostly over Christmas break and New Year's break, of course, where I was the sickest. Ah, okay. Yeah, so of my vacation, I spent absolutely miserable. Oh. I grew up with a couple of guys. It was fun to hang out with them because they were easy to make. puke or make almost puke make them all how do I say that properly they were just really

sensitive to certain things and they would you know gag and they would vomit or almost one of them was really sensitive to if somebody was speaking through a flemy voice oh and they wouldn't clear their throat there was a teacher They get sick They would wretch at the sound of a flemie delivery Yes There was a teacher at my high school who was notorious

For continuing on and speaking through A phleg pile in their throat They wouldn't clear their throat And so it was like this You know kind of a delivery Yeah And this buddy of mine would just be squirming in his chair At the sound of it

Also this same buddy if you pulled this gimmick in front of him Hawk Oh gosh Yeah I don't like people do that all the time If you snorted it I don't know You get good at it after a one

If he would snort it up and hawk up a luggy He would be He would drop to a knee So we would of course torture him at every turn You have to Boy you just have him watch a couple of like Dennis Rodman's speeches Or something

He's the worst I don't get grossed out by that stuff usually But man that's nasty I just got to chill up my spine every word that Dennis Rodman has ever said has been coated in Flem. Yeah. Don't know why. Is he dehydrated?

I don't know what's going on. Find some audio. Just random audio of Dennis Rodman. I guarantee he sounds like he has a horrible head cold. And Flem is bubbling in his trachea. Well, he guys intentionally did it to make him kind of wretch because it reminds me of a buddy of mine who's got bad asthma. and if he starts laughing really hard, he starts to cough and goes into like a coughing fit.

So once he starts to laugh, we keep trying to get him going, make him laugh harder and harder so that is to grab that inhaler. Great friends. Let's push him to the brink of death. He's like coffee and he can barely breathe and we're still getting him going,

making him laugh harder. You can't breathe, loser. Exactly. Force him to use his inhaler. That's awesome. My grandma used to, When she sneezed once, she sneezed 10 times. Oh, really?

One of those? People, yeah, she just couldn't stop, and my uncle would count them. And so in between sneezes, she'd be mad, and she'd be like, at you, damn it, Michael, Stap! She'd be trying to yell at him in between sneezes. And as a kid, that was just genius comedy. It still is as an adult. It's fun.

It's fun to be merciless, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. We used to go fishing up north when I was a kid with my dad, and his pal Lenn, and Lenn's dad, Dale. All of these gentlemen are gone now, but Lenn's dad, Dale, towards the end, had to drag around an oxygen tank.

You know, he was in poor health. And when he would become short of breath, he'd have to put that mask on. And my dad's goal, every fishing trip, was to make Dale get out his oxygen. He would get Dale laughing so hard, and then Lenn would be saying, no, don't, please stop.

Give him a break. And eventually Dale would have to put that mask on and purr. But that was the fun of it was let's make Dale need oxygen. Let's make Dale's brain starve for oxygen. That's just how bros do each other. Crooked son of a bitch, former Twins outfielder Max Kepler. More time to see you, Ash. Yeah, exactly.

has been suspended by Major League Baseball for 80 games for pissing a positive drug test. Performance enhancing, how do you say it, substances? I've always liked the bad boys. That's true. The strudel of all people is a crooked ball player. I mean, whatever. He's so good looking, it doesn't matter. He didn't get busted until after he left here.

He'll be playing John. Japan. Ah, the strewds. I still love the strewds. I don't care if he's on dope. But he got busted. Can't play ball for quite a while, Ashley. Just be working on his abs.

Yeah, darn, hitting out with this dog. He has a dog? Yeah, really cute dog. You follow him on social media? Yeah, but he's one of those weird people who, like, deletes their social media? No. No.

He would never. I thought maybe with the, with the steroids. Maybe he beat his dogs. Maybe. Right rage. But yeah, he does. He's like, yeah, he's one of those people who will, like, delete his Instagram and then go back on it. It makes no sense, but it's frustrating.

What's his deal? Is he married or anything? Well, I haven't been able to stay up to date because of his Instagram weirdness. I think that means he blocked you, Ashley. Let me see if he reactivated it. No. I've never messaged him anything weird, don't worry. My daughter was a little obsessed with Brian Dozier.

and she ended up getting blocked because she followed Brian Dozier's dog's account and wife account and so they thought she was a little too into Brian DeGer. Ah, yeah. No, see, so his stupid Instagram, he has no post on there when like a couple months ago he had like 20.

What is he doing? People are not very kind. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. You know who my wife was following? I thought a little too closely on social media for a while. DeAngelo Russell. Why? Was it getting weird? Well, she thought he was cute. And he's a cute guy.

That's how it starts. And then she just was into following DeAngelo Russell, former Timberwolf, if folks are curious. She was into following his life on social media. And, of course, being a young guy, he provided her all the information like the young people do. They tell you every single aspect of their life on social. So my wife would be sitting there with her phone in her face on a boring night, and she'd be like, oh, DeAngelo Russell's baby got its first tooth

or whatever. Oh, his wife bought a car. You know, just people fall into line with that. The pigs dropped another overtime game. Not that they usually lose overtime games. It's just that they go to overtime damn near every hockey game.

They dropped an overtime game Saturday night at the home rink here in St. Paul to the New York Islanders. They play the New Jersey Devils at home tonight. Oh, that means the brothers are all together today. Sure. Oh, cool.

I didn't even consider that. They'll go off to White Castle together. If the devils want to play the other brothers, I thought we were just talking a week ago that the other Hughes brothers weren't exactly lightning on fire in New Jersey lately. Well, New Jersey in general is not lighting it on fire.

That's true. Golden Gopher Hockey Bros. Lost both games over the weekend at Pennsylvania State University. Been a down year over there. But they'll keep it going. You got to keep it going. Bobby Rotsko, Dotso, Mato. He knows how to keep her going.

The mite brawl. Is that up on our website? Yes, this is such an amazing video. Now, this was a bit, right? I don't think so. It kind of looked pretty legit, but they let that thing go on for a long time. So it does make you wonder why nobody stopped it.

That's where I'm going with it. The fact that no coaches, jumped on the ice or anything, that leads me to believe that this was a bit that the two teams agreed to put on a show. Here's where, and I'm sorry, did I already ask you if it's on our website? Yes, it is. This is what hockey fans are talking about. The Hershey Bears, the American Hockey League Club, they did what every hockey club on Earth does. They had a little mite game in between periods.

Always fun to watch. And these two mite clubs brawled as best mites can brawl. Sure. One goalie was torpedoing himself into players. He came flying into there. He disappeared and then reappear. Like you said, flying into somebody, bulldozing over them. Other than that, it was like, you know, how little kids do.

Just kind of batting each other in the back of the head. So anyway, hockey fans are talking about this brawl between mites during the little in-between period mite hockey game. Check it out. I think it was a bit. I think that they decided let's have some fun and put on a little fight for the crowd. The crowd loved it.

They're going after each other pretty good, though. There's a couple. One guy's hitting his teammate. Yeah, that was another part that led me to believe that it's a bit. One guy's beating up his own teammate. I wish somebody would have had a camera in the crowd because I would have liked to have seen the reactions of the hockey mom's when the little boys were going at it.

Well, you know, I didn't pull the office. audio, but the fans were liking it. I mean, you could hear people were laughing and kind of joking about it. That's awesome. It's definitely a gig, yeah. Yeah, I think it's a bit. They had fun and good idea. It's a great idea for the coaches of both clubs to get together and say,

hey, you know what's never been done in between periods in a mite game? A bench clearing bra. Go have some fun, you know. Because, you know, no one was in any real danger. There was a lot of patty cake and whatnot. One kid's like cross-checked the other kid in the face. Yeah. He's like, come on.

Some kids sold it better than others. One kid's beating his teammate, though. That's the best one. I wonder if it's one of those things like maybe everybody's been in this spot, but there's plenty of fights that started because you're messing around at first. Somebody goes a little too rough and then a real fight breaks out. I wonder if there's some of that here. So these kids put on a great show because a lot of people believed it was a real bro.

I don't. It would have been stopped a lot quicker. Oh, coaches would have been running out with their tennis shoes on and whatnot. Everyone would have been melting down. That didn't even cross my mind. It's very fun. Very funny. Good for these kids.

We're mixing it up. Mixing it up. So there you go. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer.

I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early. early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders,

your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Full Send Golf.

You guys know how much I really, really love golf. I think every week would be dope to post on the Golf Channel. I want to get a lot of guests on here. Salim's going to take a leap. I'm down to be in it. It's not really work to play golf. Join the party on the golf course. I was like, let's go to the range.

So what are we putting on it? We said 10K, right? 10K? All right. We probably bet more than all the other golf channels, right? 10K, nine holes. Those guys bet for, like, cookies. I feel like I'm going to shank it.

This guy's been trading like a Navy seal when it comes to golf. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah. Bullsen golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Dr. P. Jesus. The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

We're having a pretty good time over here, thanks to you, actively listening to the 93X Half-Fast Morning Show as we check in at 831. Our next guest will surely do nothing but add to the laughs if you have a question for the doctor. Our text number is 651-9893-93. Hello, Dr. James Parnell, also referred to as Dr. P. Jesus. Good morning and happy New Year. Is there a reason why you're dressed like you're about to enter a freestyle snowmobile tournament? I was going to say you look like you're about to run out of here and get on a motorcycle for the X games.

No particular reason. You look hip. I was just running behind, so I kind of threw on something comfortable and warm. You're dressed like maybe you're the arch rival to Levi LaValle. Do I know who that is? I'm surprised you should know Levi LaValley. He rides one of those snowmobiles, right, Josh? Yeah.

Amongst many other things. Yeah, snowmobiles I don't know so much about. I am actually going to get back on the track this year, though. I thought you weren't going to do that anymore. No, yeah, I changed my mind. See, folks don't know. Dr. P is a skilled motorcyclist. Yeah, I mean, semi-pro skilled.

And you, what, you haven't been riding lately because you cracked your knee loose or whatever it was? You guys remember that better than me. No, I just, I don't know, kind of got busy with a lot of other stuff. He's a working, man. But yeah, I'm going to get back to it this year. Well, I'm happy for you. Be careful out there. Oh, I will.

We enjoy your company. Yeah, for Pete's sake. Need you in the hospital or anything. Text messages are coming in for you, Dr. P at 651-198-933. The one that grabbed my attention might be the same one that grabbed yours, Josh, starting things off. This 26-year-old guy, did you read that one, Josh? You have to say more, I think. 26-year-old guy says I don't have the drive for sex anymore.

He doesn't even want to whip it. Whip it real good. That's how you got to do it. That's the only way to whip it. Is that something that I should get checked out? a 26-year-old guy who does not want to bump or even tug? I know what you're going to ask, right? Dr. Pete, when this question comes up, you usually ask if they're on depression medication or some sort of anxiety medication.

Sure. I mean, I'd say the most common things would be either depression and anxiety itself or potentially someone on medication for those things, which is kind of a bummer. But yeah, so that's, but yeah, I mean, depression, anxiety, basically where you're just, you know, not enjoying often any of the things. The finer things in life. I had a... Just the things that usually give you pleasure don't. That's like, that's the, probably the, what it boils down to with depression, to me at least. Here's an answer.

They're not on any medication. Oh. Yeah, then, so again, mental health stuff, clearly something needs to be talked about. I mean, this is an example of someone of a guy that. could have a testosterone deficiency. I mean, it's possible. Or some other, just, you know, medical condition that basically makes you... Not to interrupt.

Crohn's disease. He takes medication for... Did you say that already, John? No, I was going to say he just followed up again saying he... Okay, I am on medication, but it's for Crohn's. All right. Thank you. Sorry, Dr. P.

You were saying. Well, so, I mean, being checked for just some basic stuff. You know, making sure you're not anemic, making sure your thyroid is normal. some basic tests, but I mean the Crohn's disease adds a whole other level to it. Crohn's disease is an autoimmune condition where you basically get colitis all the time. So I mean, irritation of the colon, which is, it can be anything from sort of mild to literally like life-threatening levels. We had a boss who had it and it was miserable. Yeah, I have a friend that has it and she has a very rough time.

It's bad. I mean, you know, historically. We didn't mind the boss having it to be totally unresolved. If there was somebody that ever deserved to take that bad. Yeah, we know what you're saying. We thought it was kind of funny. It was treated with like steroid medications, so prednisone, which, you know, can be very effective, but it really messes up your metabolism and your body. It makes you bloated.

And there are vastly more nuanced and modern medications that are used for Crohn's disease. It's a whole category of biologicals that's used for lots of autoimmune conditions. they can certainly have a whole host of side effects. That's a hell of a side effect. Yeah, and I'm not sure that's necessarily. It's not one that I think of as common, but it's possible. Okay. And there's so many of them.

It would depend on what medication. To be 26 and have no interest in getting it smooth on? Yeah. But, I mean, even honestly, having Crohn's disease, I mean, it's a seriously chronic condition that really impacts your life. and obviously that can lead to sort of a depression state just because you're like, what the heck? When Josh was 26, he would get it on until the break of dawn.

Wow. That's a lot of getting it on. But I was on an epilepsy medication that killed my drive. Yeah, yeah. It's not an uncommon side effect for a variety of medications. I mean, I would say I think of it more with epilepsy type medications, depression medicines, which clearly affect your nervous system as opposed to your immune system, but it's not.

Not to say that it couldn't be possible. Try some stepmom porn. Hmm. I mean, it seems like it's very popular is what I hear. I got on a different medication and now I'm a horn dog. Second shift welder Jesus said, can you ask Dr. P.Y. I sneeze five to ten times every time I need to sneeze.

And this has happened since having sinus surgery, if that means anything to you? He cuts out five or ten in a row. Yeah, and there's no one. He was texting earlier because I was joking. My grandma used to have that. Comedy gold, isn't it Josh? Comedy gold. I mean, over and...

Honestly, I don't think she's ever sneezed less than eight times when she sneezed once. So is there... Would this sinus surge... I mean, it seems like that'd be quite a coincidence if they're not related. Right. And this is not your grandmother writing in, presumably. Nope, nope. She's passed on.

Thanks for that painful memory. Yeah, sorry. Well, you brought it up earlier. But anyway, you know, that's a good question. I don't know. I mean, I definitely... I've known people like that in my life, sure. You almost wonder if it's not just sort of a habit or something like that.

Because what would, I mean, I don't really when it comes down to it, you know, coughing, sneezing, you know, you can say what actually triggers that? Because when you think about it, it's, you know, it's not necessarily a simple answer. I mean, things might, well, Nick earlier said he'd been holding back a sneeze for quite a while. So like, what's that feeling? And then what's the thing that triggers it to go past the point? of actually sneezing. I don't know. Right.

Do you get in a certain satisfaction, anybody here, when you can stop a sneeze, like it's a battle? No. Oh, I like that. Oh, no. I hate that feeling. So do I. I feel like we talked about that a long time ago.

I heard of somebody who basically, like, broke their larynx doing that. They were trying to, you know, stifle sneezes. So I'm not stifle, but when you feel it coming on, talk yourself out of it somehow. You fight it off. Yeah, I don't stifle. Not physically fight it. Because my wife will do that. she'll have a hell of a wind up and then it's like, like that.

Oh, that can't feel good. Her brain's going to pop out. You can blow a gear. Yeah. So, I mean, that's interesting that you say that. I mean, so it is the kind of thing. I think, you know, whether it's a cough, if you're, you know, if you're in a really awkward situation and you're really trying not to cough, you can sometimes do it.

You can hold back a sneeze. I can never hold back a cough. I hate that. So there is something psychological to it as well. I guess I don't know what, I mean, we don't know why you're correct. off so many sneezes in a row. All we know is it's a lot of laughs for the rest of us. Right. That would be an interesting thing.

I'd have to look it up. I mean, some... An allergy to sneezes, perhaps? Yeah, right. Do you guys ever try to stifle a cough because you're in a conversation or whatever it is? And then it like starts to tickle. So then you start to cry. Your eyes are watering.

Well, stifling a cough certainly on air all the time. Oh, you know, we can hit the button here. Yeah, I mean, if you have any kind of surgery, you have, I mean, they cut through tissue. There's nerves there. and, you know, if you have an incision on your skin, it might it might itch or it's annoying. So some kind of something that happened to nerves up in the nose with the surgery, I think could, you know, change your threshold for how quickly you sneeze. That's got to be it. Or people laugh so much that you, you know, it's sort of positive feedback, so you just keep doing it.

Here's a person that says they set a record of 13 sneezes and they average 8 to 10 every single time. I love watching it. I hope you never go see a doctor. We're speaking with Dr. P. Jesus here on the half-ass morning show. Well, this who says, I believe I have a cyst about an inch below the top of my butt crack. Does that involve surgery to be removed? Cist on the butt crack, cubby. Yeah, I'd be uncomfortable.

Yeah, upper butt-crack cyst is a pylonidal cyst. Boy, or girl? I don't know. It can be either. It would suck more to be a girl. It can have a gender? Your cyst? Yeah, yeah.

I just have a boy cyst back. Right, right. Why would it suck more to have a cyst on your ass crack if you're a girl? I imagine wearing a thong would be very uncomfortable because it kind of meets that T meets right where that cyst would be. It's right below the stamp. You think of things. Cisst on the butt crack.

Yeah, pilot idol cyst is a pretty common condition. I feel like I was just describing this to someone the other day, but I'm not sure why. But basically, when we form as an embryo, you know, it's multiple layers of cells that kind of, some make your bones, some make your guts, some make your skin and nervous system. And your skin as it forms, grows around your whole body and that it's supposed to close off right there. Right. And it doesn't always close perfectly. If it's really not good, then you can have a thing called spina bifida where you're basically, your spinal cord is sort of exposed and you can have, you know, inability to use your legs and all sorts of complications. Much more commonly, it's just this tiny little dimple that

has the potential to get an infection in it and get a cyst. And it can turn into an abscess, which I have seen some... Some of the more terrifying mental images I have of having to incise and drain things that are infected, we're in that area because it can... You wipe your bottom and whatnot and it gets all dirty. Right, right. So it's... You know, generally it's not something that people have too many problems with, but if you do

have something there, it's probably a good idea to go get a checkout. It's very interesting. I remember you telling us that story before of how the skin forms around a baby carcass. Yeah, yeah. And it's just like, that's supposed to like, you know, voila, it's supposed to be closed. And then it just goes, oops, not quite. Yeah, Josh, you ever had a cyst on your butt crack? No, I've never had a cyst period. So it can usually, you know, it's the type of thing if people have it and they know that they get it occasionally, they can, you can do some thing, you can sit in a bathtub. It'll help it kind of drain and soften. Epsom salts? You know, I don't think you need that, but you could do that if you want.

I've a voice heard those. Just regular table salt. Yeah. It's a little dead. Directly on the sea salt, perhaps. I mean, I think, you know, maybe there is something to having a little bit of salt in the water. It's just, you know, it's saline then, which is more what our body is. But yeah, I think you can just have, it's called a sits bath is the classic thing where you,

I think you actually sit in this thing and it's like got water flowing through it. most of us don't have that. That must have been in the days when... Like a jacuzzi tub? No, it's more like sitting in a bed pan that's just got water flowing through it. Oh, my nuts in me? That's my understanding of it. Everyone knows when you have a butt-crack cyst,

you expose it to a lot of sun and then some table salt. The dash of pepper. Iron range Jesus said he gets like esophageal spasms after eating or drinking and then feels like he's going to die of a heart attack or something, quote-unquote. Jesus. Should I go in? Is this diet rome? related?

Asophageal spasms. Yeah, esophageal spasms are, it's one of those things, you know, on our list of conditions when people do have, especially recurrent episodes of chest pain and they don't seem like someone who is likely to be, I mean, maybe you've been evaluated and it wasn't your heart, you didn't have any heart problems, but, you know, you present with looking like you're dying, essentially, because it is, I mean, it's a cramp of your esophagus, which, you know, you which is experienced as a very, very uncomfortable thing. I mean, I guess to diagnose that is challenging, though.

It's somewhat of a diagnosis of exclusion, like you're making sure there's not other bad things going on. If they've already been told they have that, then, I mean, there are some medications that can help. I would think that diets could certainly have some impact on it, the same kind of things that cause reflux and heartburn. Yeah, I might have to look at that up. It's not something that we treat very often, but...

It sounds unique. So what does that mean? You just feels like it's flapping back there? No, I mean, I think it literally feels like your... I mean, your esophagus is smooth muscle that is not under our own control, but the same as our colon, same as other parts of the body. But if it cramps up, I mean, it will feel... like something squeezing and it'll be kind of agonizing, but it won't.

Dang. Sounds miserable. Yeah, I mean, really, like a massive, you know, when you get an abdominal cramp or something, it would be like that in your chest. Jesus. As you can imagine, it's very. You think you're having a heart attack? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

People do. Yeah, that's what he said. Yep, and that's the common thing. I have a lot of sympathy for people who have terrible reactions to eating because I'm probably going to eat as soon as I get out of here. I don't know about the rest of you. I enjoy eating. I'll probably mix enough meal.

You know what I'm saying? That sounds miserable. No, it's a bummer. That's all I look forward to in life anymore. Right. It's my next meal. It's kind of true sometimes, John. Any activity is planned around a meal, usually.

You guys are really, really enthusiastic in here this morning. Don't get me wrong. I'm excited about it. Oh, okay, good. Hi, everybody. Dr. P. Jesus. Welcome to the half-assed morning show for 93X. Yeah, yeah.

Dr. P. Jesus is all up in here. We got time for a couple more questions for the sum bitch. Here's one of them. Is this for real a, Someone texted in to say, and they're old enough to send a text message, so I'm guessing this isn't an infant baby who sent this text message. Can you ask the doctor if I should get my umbilical cord removed? Is this a joke?

Are there grown people walking around with their umbilical cords flopping around in the wind? Shouldn't be? I think that's a joke. It's got to be, right? Yeah. Because those things kind of rot off. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, if you don't, well, yeah, they do. Mine, my son's never smelled. I don't know. Did it? No, not at all. You were checking it all the time. Yeah. I know.

I don't want to start smelling. Yeah, because Josh made me afraid. And so to my mom, because she said it happened to her with, I can't remember if all her children or one of her children. But I was like, oh, we're in for it. And I was waiting, waiting, waiting, never happened. I'm glad, yeah. What are you thinking an umbilical cord would look like if it was hanging off some dude who's like 57 years old?

Oh, gross. I mean, it would be, oh. Ew. Well, yeah. I mean, the blood supply goes away. It closes off. It would be like sort of a. calcified something or other.

Called dried up and crusty. What's wrong with Cubby? Sorry, somebody sent a photo and I was not expecting that. What is there a photo of? Well, why don't you look up? Leader of Cola Jesus, he's at the top right now. Is it a adult umbilical cord? Oh, why would you send that?

I don't know. I had to click away. What is it? I don't know what it is. He said, he said I had a cyst above my crack, got it removed, and they left the wound open. And my wife had to change my bandages. So my skin healed fully.

He had a pylodontal cyst probably. Yeah, I mean it's... Show Dr. P. you could handle that. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, he probably had... Look at this, dude. Yeah. They have to...

They just extended his crack for him. It's basically you have to... It is a terrible thing. So that's the thing. If you have a pylonotyl cyst or sinus or problems there, you do want to be attentive to it. Because if it gets out of control or if it's something that causes recurrent problems,

the surgery is they basically have to like just scoop out that whole area. and they often will even. They call it marsupilization where you essentially have to stitch these skin edges back so that it will not close over again. It has, they force it to heal

from the inside. I'm not going to be eating a grapefruit for a while after looking at that. Yeah. I hear you can fill like a king can with the pus that comes out of the, let me ask you this. Let's say you're a grown person and you still have your umbilical cord and you accidentally tuck it into the front of your pants

and then you go to a ball game and they shoot you a t-shirt up and you reach up for that t-shirt. Would it pull your adult umbilical cord right off of your... Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it shouldn't be there anyway. So that doesn't, that's not a real thing. I don't know. No, no such thing is... If your umbilical cord doesn't fall off, I would say that means you have some sort of...

You have some sort of immune problem where your body is not... Or a hematologic problem where your body is not doing what it's supposed to, which is to get rid of dead things. Man. Yeah, that's... Some of us have that weird cousin who won't cut his pony-touching. You know what I mean? How about, wouldn't it be something if we had a weird cousin who never, never wanted to rid himself of his umbilical cord?

And he would bring it out at parties. Right. And always presented at Easter. He'd light it on fire for a while, then pat it out and then put it on. That's what I was picturing. You know, when somebody has a cigarette and the ashes super, super long? Dangling. I was picturing this thing looking like.

Can I follow up on a soft-geal spasm really quick? Asofageal spasm update. Yeah, so that's, it was a good question. So basically a soft-jail spasm, to diagnose it, I mean, we didn't get into this, but they need to do an endoscopy. They need to look down there, see what's going on, because there could be somebody texted in about a Shotsky's ring or some other type of ring where you can basically have a tight area of scar tissue or other tissue where there's blockage. That's not really, that doesn't cause a soft-eal spasm, but it's another possible diagnosis. But if you are truly diagnosed with that based on endoscopy, maybe a barium swallow. Interesting, I had not read this before.

The first line treatment is to take a couple of peppermint altoids before you eat. I don't take them, but, you know, eat them. And then peppermint oil supposedly can help prevent esophageal spasm. Beyond that, there's a lot of other medications that are used. None of them are great. I mean, they're antispasmodics, stuff called like. dicyclamine that can be used for sometimes people who have just crazy irritable bowel, which again is sort of cramping sensations it's used, or there's blood pressure medicines

that can affect smooth muscle. But yeah, it's a real annoying condition. Maintenance manner, Jesus has a manager Jesus has a question for you. Multivitamins, daily multivitamins. I've heard from some places they're good and other places say it just passes right through you. That's what I've heard. I had a doctor tell me you just pee them out. Just eat better.

I like to put them on the very end of my adult ambillical cord. Flip them into your mouth. Josh, and then I do like a pelvic thrust and it flips them right into my yap. It's like a little springboard down there. Elephant trunk. I take a vitamin every single day, and I think it definitely has helped some things in my life. What do you take? Flintstone.

I take Nature's Made. It's a great brand. They sell it at Target. But I still take my pre-team. natals. So they have like everything that you need, anything you can think of. I take, I take, no, I forget the name of it. Magnetism? Magnesium? Magnesium. Oh yeah, that's supposed to be good for your sleep. Just that, not a multivitamin, magnesium. Yeah, I take that along with my heart medication and it's done wonders for my regular

heartbeat. The wife, the wife looked it up online. Go ahead, Dr. Peter. The question was, I mean, multivitamins obviously have a bunch of vitamins in them. Realistically, there's only four vitamins that actually kind of are held in your body. And they're called fat soluble vitamins, vitamin D, E, A, and K. All the other ones are water soluble, which means you can take a ton of it, but you do generally, you pee out whatever you don't need. And if you're taking a multivitamin, you're probably taking a lot more than you need. you know, in general, is there anything wrong with taking a multivitamin?

No. You know, most people in Minnesota would benefit from some additional vitamin D just because we don't get enough sunlight and vitamin D is produced in the body by exposure to sun, but you can take it supplementally. But, you know, if you have a reasonably normal diet in this country, you're basically getting a lot of vitamins. There's other parts of the world where that is definitely not true, you know, where people really would benefit from multivitamins

to prevent some significant vitamin deficiencies. Really helps with hair and nail growth. That's the number one reason why I take it. I'm knocking it out of the park in one of those categories. Yeah. My nails go pretty. And pregnant women, I mean, pregnant women are encouraged to take vitamins, especially their prenatal vitamins, mostly because they have additional folic acid. I think that's the main thing because it can prevent,

it actually helps prevent neural tube defects, which is sort of vaguely related to the closure of the spinal tube and the pylidototot cyst. It brings it all together. That's how we like to wrap up this segment, yeah. My OBGYN actually, she advised that you take your prenatals up to a year after giving birth because of you still lacking so much stuff because that little thing that comes out of you just takes and takes. Intakes. Jeez.

You sound pissed at the kid. I didn't get any sleep last night. Wow. A little touchy. All right. I'm just, I always enjoy hanging out with you, Dr. P. We always enjoy it. It's always great to be here and it's nice to be here for another year.

And guess what? Later this year, it'll be 10 years. Wow. Are you serious? That's incredible. Jeez, you're old. That F's me and it Fs me hard. I remember the day we met.

To learn that. At the point. Park Tavern. That's right. You were very suspicious of me. Love that first sight. We should have a decade celebration. We should. A decade of decadence with Dr. P and Jesus. And we'll get all

full of beer and drugs. Thanks for everything, pal. Thanks for coming in. And good luck with the snowmobile race later on this afternoon. It's going to be a first for me. You kind of look like you're about to ride a wheelie out the door. If KTM made him, I would ride him. Shout out to the co-worker

of front-end dump loader operator Jesus Josh at Dakota Bulk. And happy birthday to Anton previously named truck driving, dart throwing Jesus from Tuput Jesus. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. right now it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Booked by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930.