93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Empty Suit

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Originally Aired  September 29, 2026: Your mom is on OnlyFans. Irritable Male Syndrome. Everything you've ever wanted to know about being JAPENEEEEEEESE!   Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheating.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-ass morning show. Ninety-three. And now, now we launch ourselves into the Tuesday program. We just shut our eyes tight and start swinging. Hope for the best. We hope to make some type of contact.

This year is the 93X half-ass morning show. Hope you're doing well. Jesus, what time is it? 542. Here's a statistic for you from the damn get-go. Got a stat for you. And we beat the piss out of this average right here. Covey, corporate morning radio wins again right here.

And the rest of you, early riser gibbonies, you beat this average, I bet, by quite a bit. says here the average American spits out their first curse word of the day at 10.54 a.m. I know you for sure do. It's usually the first thing you utter when you walk in the studio. Absolutely. Some sort of foul word, put in a creative manner. You know what that tells me? 10.54 a.m. The average American doesn't curse until 10.54 a.m. That tells me there are a lot of straight-laced some bitches out there. Either that or a lot of people wake up. late. They still swear shortly after they get up, but they wake up a lot later than the rest of us.

I suppose there could be some folks. That tells me there are some peckerheads out there who really make an effort to not curse because that is very late in the day. I'm one of those peckerheads. I've made a conscious effort not to. So I don't know if I make it to 1054 on most days. I'd imagine I probably do. I don't think so. We have a lot of off-air conversations. And folks are probably saying, well, you guys can't swear on the radio. Yeah, we know that. But off-air, we're just filthy. Some of the humor can certainly get that way, but I have to, I'll pay attention the next few days. Well, what I need to start paying attention, because it seems to me, when we talk off-air,

you know, you don't seem, I guess I'll have to pay attention from now on. I thought maybe I've got it in my head that if I'm cursing, everybody else is cursing. Maybe you don't. I mean, I certainly hear what you have to say when we have conversations off there, but maybe I'm not, maybe I'm hearing but not listening. I thought you were cursing up a storm right along with me. Dana and our post show prayer and shower and meeting and stuff. Circle jerk. Come on.

We stopped that in the 90s. HR's far more attentive. Do you notice? I guess I don't really pay attention to if you swear or not. I know sometimes we have spirited conversations where we're, you know, maybe complaining about how nothing works around here, but I don't know if you swear or not. Oh, speaking of which one of my computers is not,

were computers is not working. Well, bleep. That'll be fun. I mean, you early morning folks who are listening right now and you know how much we appreciate it, hell, you, I bet you folks have dumped your first, dirty word out of your yapper before four o'clock in the stinking a.m. And I got great respect for that. Steel-Ey-Jesus just texted in. And he said, his first word of the day is a curse word. Yeah, a lot of people say they swear at their alarm. Right. That's mentioned in here somewhere. So

Steele-E-E-Jesus said, and this brings back memories of my dad, he says his first word of the day is a curse word. As soon as he opens his eyes, it's a big sigh. followed by the F word. Welding Jesus said, hey, he even curses in his sleep. He doesn't need to wait until 10.54 a.m. Does he have a little dose of that? What's the term again? I had an uncle who had this problem and it was horrifying.

Night terrors? Night terrors? Is he a night terror guy? I wonder if you swear in your sleep, Nick. Do you talk in your sleep? I do sometimes. I've never been told by any partner. including your wife, never been told by one woman in my life that I've talked in my sleep.

No, I snore like a drunken sailor, but never been told once that I've said, Dick Tracy in my sleep. But that whole sighing as you begin your day followed by an F word, I mean, my old man, towards the end of his truck driving career, he was burned out. he was burned out and you could tell there were many signs that he was ready to call it a career as in over-the-road truck driver and one of the signs was the very first word out of well i guess wait a minute it wasn't the very first word i'll explain he would he was on call like a lot of over-the-road truck drivers and this is when i was living with him he and i were living together small house thin wall and this is the routine. Anytime the telephone would ring,

and it was his turn to go to work. It would be, and the old man would do this. Yeah, that was how he answered the phone. Like an exasperated, yeah. And then I could even hear, because of the volume on the phone. I can hear the, what's the word in the business, the dispatcher on the telephone say,

yeah, John, we got a Chicago at first. 4 a.m. And my dad would say, all right, yeah, yeah, Gary, all right, yeah, okay, bye. So he held off from swearing usually in that conversation, but then he would hang up the phone and he would say exactly this. F in Chicago. Or if it was Lincoln, Nebraska, you replaced, or if it was, you know, Kansas City, he would. So that was the first word he said to himself. self, I guess, every morning was the F word. Dusty Blades, Jesus said the reason he doesn't have a dash cam is because it would just be videos of him swearing and other drivers. Yeah, you know what?

My mom never cursed except for behind the wheel. She's as close as you could come to being a road rager. She would say some terrible things behind the wheel. Everybody was out to get her, you know. It's good to know that she was human. Yeah. Or is human. Some of our listeners say that she does some very inhuman things.

My gosh. It's been a bad day for the women in my life. Big bearded Jared. Big bearded Jared. 312 every morning when he gets out the sack. He says, ah, eff it already. Millennial steel cutter, Jesus. When he walks into work at 4 a.m.

I say, F this place. And I walk in. Before he walks in, he says, F this place. You say that a lot. I do. I would like to F this place. What? Blazed buds Jesus

says his grandmother sings Irish songs really loud in her sleep. Oh, wow, that sounds terrifying. Seriously? So, yeah, a lot of you are saying, 225 in the mornings when he grind cord Jesus. 225 a.m. He gets up around the same time.

You do, Josh. You guys should be text buddies crash together. You up, pal? 225, he wakes up, and his first F word comes out of his hole before 226. So again, what we're talking about here is some tough to believe arithmetic that says the average American spits out their first curse word of the day at 10.54 a.m. But like I said, there are a lot of really straight and narrow some bitches who, hell, they might not curse all day. My wife used to be one of those.

How do you get through the day without cursing? She wouldn't even say damn. And now she's foul. She's got a mouth on her. She swears more than anybody in the entire family. Uperjee's made it to 536 one day without swearing. That's a hell of an accomplishment. I think most of my swearing is directed towards myself.

Something like, ah, you eff an idiot. 99% of your anger and disappointment is directed at yourself. Yeah, there was something yesterday. I was like, you're so such a piece of whatever. Stupid idiot. I'm an idiot. I'm a dummy. Oh, there's more details here to Yupor Jesus and his text message.

He said he made it to 536 this morning without swearing. And that was until his local gas station did not honor his free coffee coupon. I've seen some freakouts over that. And he had to curse over not getting his free cup of coffee. Yeah, I was at a fast food restaurant. once where some lady's coupon didn't work and the person behind the counter she couldn't have been more nice she said you know this expired a couple months ago i'd take it if i could and she flipped out on really absolutely went nuts feel bad for folks working those the cash registers and

stuff they have to deal with i know they're not the ones making the call here are when again here are some of our listeners and we know their names by the text messages that they send us here on the old their Bloomington Keya text line, 651, 551, 93. Here are their names. And the average time, they dump their first curse word. Master electrician Jesus, 235. Pornow Jesus, 430. Spokesman Jesus, around 5.

No sleep, balls deep, Jesus. 3.40. Yeah, you're getting it done, and I like that. 18-wheeling Jesus gets up at 12.30 a.m. What time do you go to bed by the curiosity? It's got to be kind of early. You're not going to be able to watch the 5 o'clock news if you're really trying to go for it. So, you know, this statistic is followed by a little more information here on profanity and stress and things like that.

Stress and frustration leads us to curse. more or less as soon as we are conscious. Things like our finances, we didn't get enough sleep, we didn't get laid, this, that. Do you know someone? The national deficit is included in here. Well, it keeps me up at night. What the hell? Stress, sex, finances, the national deficit.

I'd be pretty, I'd be a little shocked if somebody in my life came up and it's like, oh, man, that national deficit, that's the conversation. we started having. Jesus, how tightly wrapped are you that you... It's a lot. I'm imagining it's a lot, whatever the national deficit is. It's up there. I can't imagine it ever being so present in my mind

that I swear at somebody about it. All right. Do you know anyone who gets really, really angry if they're not getting any? Take it out on everybody else? Oh, when we were kids, yeah. Were you one of those people? No, no. I mean, there's very,

been people here, certainly, and then they'll eventually say, sorry, it's been a while. Oh, I can't imagine that out of a fully formed adult, but when we were teenage and college age dudes, I had a couple of buddies who would rage if they weren't, son of a bitch, that kind of they were absolute idiots. So I never had that emotion, not once in my life. Jesus, get a grip. Like, you're being rageful and angry because you're not having. having regular sex.

That's a weird thing to take out on everybody else. I mean, isn't that what like orangutans do to each other? I mean, I don't. I mean, gee, I'll fine. I'll give you the sex. Just calm down. Yeah, yeah. God, you're tough to work with.

There's an old story about a friend of mine who was raging at a keg party when we were young because he hadn't had any sex in a while. I'd love to tell the story, but he used this, speaking of a foul language, He had a vulgar slang term for sex that made the story that much more funny, but I don't think I can say it on the radio anymore, so there's no point in telling the story. But it was one of those deals where we're just hanging around at a beer party, you know, drinking solo cups filled with beer.

And I'm with my buddy Donnie and everyone that said, hey, Donnie, how's it going? He's like, yeah, whatever. Hey, Donnie, you're going to make it to the game tomorrow? I don't know. I don't know. I guess you'll friggin have to find out if I make it to the game tomorrow.

And I finally turned to Donnie, or someone else, actually. Donnie snapped at one more guy, and the guy turned to Donnie and said, what's your problem? And that's where I wish I could say out loud the vulgar slang term that Donnie had for sexual activity. But he just up and said it. He said, I'm just looking to get blankety blank, okay?

I'm looking to get blankety blank. Okay, bro. Good luck. Sorry that it's troubling you to that level. So, yeah, only when we were young, Josh, did I run into those characters? So there you go. Oh, and maybe that leads us to... Maybe that leads us to this next little piece of information.

I read a new term today. The term is IMS. Oh, yeah. I know some sufferers. God dang it. You know what? What? I may have already self-dud. diagnosed myself.

I think you'd. That was kind of an Austin Powers thing there, wasn't it? You have some symptoms, some noticeable symptoms. Allow myself to introduce. Right, myself. I may have just given, well, now I can't go that route either. I believe I have self-dust. I don't know how to say that.

That's fine. The way you said it made sense. I think I have this problem. There you go. I think I have this problem. IMS stands for irritable male syndrome. I noticed it. So it goes either way with aging men, at least those in my life,

where they all of a sudden kind of a relatively even-keel person becomes a very angry old-timer. And my dad was the opposite, to the point where people who met him later in life don't believe the stories me and my brother would tell about how much anger he had. So he went the complete opposite way. He must have hated his life there for a good stretch of time. Oh, and I know why. As an adult, I figured it out. When I think back to what he dealt with and everything he did,

for the family and how little he was appreciated by some people? You know, all these frigging derelicts living with him, including, you know, your mother. She's not a derelict. What's going on today? Yeah, I mean, the guy didn't, he didn't have a pot to piss in. He had 11 people living in his house. No wonder

he was such a dick. That's kind of how I look at it too. Yeah, I mean, I didn't realize it until I thought, boy, that costs this, that cost this. It's not until you had your own responsibilities that you realize, oh, no wonder. And the majority of our extended family are total losers and he's looking after them.

They are. He's not making that up. His family's full of losers. I've met a lot of them. And you know what? They'd agree. I'm not speaking on a turn. They'd understand as well. Well, some of them would. Yeah, when a feller gets a little older, he might get a little snappy. And some Scottish doctor or something came up with this term a number of years ago. IMS, irritable male syndrome. That's funny.

Just brace yourselves, boys. The next time you're out at the bar and you get a little pissy with someone, don't be surprised if someone turns to you and says, what are you got, IMS? What are you, IMSing? We have it coming. I know it.

I know I get short with people now and again. But you know what, Josh, I don't think that my trigger, I don't think that my fuse is any shorter now than it was 25 years ago. No, probably not. I don't know. Get angrier than you used to. Maybe more things are triggered. Yeah, you're probably right. Maybe my fuse is the same size, but my reaction might be a little more dramatic.

More of the pie gets you angry. Yeah. Oh, you want to, in case some of you older bros are terribly worried, and I'm sure you are, about whether or not you are currently suffering from IMS. Here are some of the symptoms. Iridability, snap coiling of the penis. Oh, God. Oh, no.

I might have it. Oh, no. Low motivation. You want to go somewhere today? No. You want to go anywhere? No. Fatigue.

So, see-be. I'm so frigging seepies. Um, I lost where I was going with this. Oh yeah, the next one is trouble concentrating. You guys get the joke there? You guys didn't get the joke. Sleep problems.

You're rolling around. I can't get any frigging sleep. Shut up. I'm trying to sleep. What was the line I heard on everybody loves Raymond the other night? I'm watching everybody's love. How do you say it again? I just said it.

I'm watching everybody loves Raymond the other night. And the two Raymond and his brother Robert were complaining about what a dick their dad was growing up, right? And how do I get here? How do I say this? Yeah, they're complaining about their dad. And apparently, at one point, when they were killed. kids, the dad hollered from the living room. He said, stop brushing your teeth so loud.

I'm trying to watch gun smoke. Oh, that's what you know when you've been in relationship for too long, right? When people get irritated and the dumbest things, I don't like the way you breathe. Oh, I can't cross the room. I can't cross the room. But again, you have to remember that my wife and I have known each other for about 40 years. So, yeah, the way I breathe, the way I sneeze, the way I cough, the way I walk, the way I talk. What's the silliest one in your opinion?

There was one you told me that was absolutely hilarious. Yawning. My yawning is the way I yawn is totally unnecessary. It's too loud. It's too animated. And I just say, I don't know what you want for me. That's my body naturally. I'm not putting on a show.

Yeah, you don't put on a show. No. So that's the one where I just, I look at her and say, I don't understand what you want. It's a yawn. Okay. I've known her, or known her, I've known you over 30 years at this point.

There's nothing like that. I hope there's nothing for me that you feel that way. But yeah, I can't say there's anything you do that. I'm like, God, that's annoying. Well, no. I mean, especially when they're just simple, simple involuntary things. Is that the right word?

Right. It's not like a habit of yours where you're on purpose like operating a chainsaw to in the morning. There are certainly, oh, by God, there are things that you do that irritate me. Oh, no. I'll tell you right. That's the IMS that just kicked in right there. Oh, gosh. Dang it.

But no, things like the way you eat or yawn or sneeze or cough. That just says, yeah, you've been with somebody too. Oh, my God. Okay. I'm actually, sorry, I interrupt. I was going to say, last night I had a little nerves because somebody was mowing their lawn, my neighbors, who I adore, they were mowing their lawn like at 8.30 at night. So it's completely dark. And I don't even know how they saw what was going on. I thought about texting your wife saying, you would be enraged. What's the latest she'll put up with that? I mean, it's after, anytime after dark. Oh, when it comes to mowing the lawn, Yeah.

My wife is convinced that everyone in the neighborhood should have their lawn mowed in about 15 minutes. And it better be, it doesn't matter what time a day it is, Josh. It just better be when she's not trying to work. When she's working and someone fires up their lawn mower even a couple of blocks away. She's, oh, you disrespectful sons of bitches. It's like the peckerheads just trying to shorten the grass on his property. I mean, I don't know where... I know we're telling some stories about it,

but maybe some people are thinking, gee, she's cranky. That's not the case at all. She's a very funny person. You know, there's just one of those where it's kind of funny some of the things that bother her. Like, she's not mean about it. Oh, no.

Well, at least that I've ever seen. I'm not trying to paint her out to be some kind of out of control character. But she does go after me. And that's the bulk of what we've been discussing is how she critiques all of me. And then, And if there was a side note, yeah, she does not like some bitches mowing the lawn. That is funny that she goes after you just because nobody does, really, you know,

but she's got that permission, I guess. And there's times where you're like, okay, what am I supposed to do here? I sneezed. Okay. Here are the remaining symptoms of IMS, which is irritable male syndrome. And a lot of you have this problem. OZempic, they say, is the only cure. Really?

You have to take O-Zempe. No, I'm kidding. Cures everything. What do we do? You're irritable. You don't have any motivation. You don't want to go nowhere. You're tired.

You can't concentrate for dick. You can't sleep. Outside when I was a young person, I've never wanted to. Once I got my first place, I never want to go anywhere. You don't like to go anywhere. No, it's not like I'm miserable about it, but given the choice, like my wife will say, hey, you want to go do this? And she's like, no.

I mean, if you're cool staying home, I'm fine, staying. Fair enough. We could save the money. The final symptoms are you don't want to fold as much. And you lose all your muscle. And you become a big old fat body. Yeah. Those are the signs.

And, of course, you know, I was joking around that Ozympic. How do you say it? Ozempic. I was joking around that Ozempic was the cure. Just a joke. That sucks. this always bothers me when you read about an issue that you may have or you are likely to catch someday. And you're hoping that the cure is just a pill or a drink.

But no, the cure is exercise, eat healthy. Shut up. You know what I mean? Now I got to go to work. You can't just give me a pill. Now I got to work for it. That's not cool at all. I should give you another thank you.

You called me, I think it was Saturday. And you're like, hey, am I interrupting? And I'm like, no, thank you. You got me out of a treadmill. I was on the treadmill. It was miserable. It's getting worse and worse and worse. And again, I only walk really just to stimulate my digestive system.

Got issues in that regard. Man's got a poop. So, yeah, you saved me. I got you off the treadmill. Yep, you did. Oh, all right, you dirty bastards. IMS. mess. Oh, actually, I just crumpled that up. I'm going to save that one. I find that one

interesting. It is interesting. I got it. I know I got it. You make it work, though, pal. I got it from a monkey. Did you get it from a bat and woo hand? Yeah, like a lot of diseases. I got it from a monkey. And scientists are trying to find that monkey so they can suck the anecdote. How do you say the anecdote out of him? Yeah, it's an anecdote. He tells a lot of anecdotes. Yeah. Antidote. There you go.

Which one is it? Antidote. Antidote. No, I can't say it. Anadote. Son of a bitch. Oh, there's my first curse word. Well, probably not.

It's probably my... That would count. Yeah. That'd get me sent to the hallway if I said that in class. Oh. Some bitch? Yeah. At the Catholic school, they'd throw you out into the hallway.

Oh, yeah. I said crap once and didn't realize that was a bad word. What were you thinking? I know. The C word. That's pretty much what it was. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends.

It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well.

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The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawalable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. What did you say? Did you just say crap? Get out of here. I had no idea that was a bad word. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show.

Word and word life. To each and every one of you is. You know what we got to talking about? We got the talking about IMS. Iritable man syndrome, irritable male syndrome. A brand new term. Never heard it before until this morning. I think I'm a sufferer of IMS.

We got a few text messages on irritable male syndrome. Sprinkler fitter Jesus says IMS, also known as the working man's blues. Ah, the working man's blues. That's the intro to the working man's blues. Former baggage handling Jesus said this. He said, I just went to the doctor last week because I'm so damn angry about everything. Oh, really? You've got IMS, bro.

Yeah. Those were part of the symptoms. Did they mention who did you say it was from? I'm sorry? Former baggage handling Jesus. What the doctors say? What do you do for something like that? Get back to us.

What did he tell you? Did he tell you you have irritable male syndrome? Did he drink more? What does the doctor do there? Those are the symptoms, yeah. Irritability. You're not motivated. You're tired.

You can't concentrate. You can't sleep. You can't get off. Oh, my goodness. And you grow a big fat belly on you. Yeah, if you have the time, if you're not too pissed off, former baggage handling Jesus, what did the doctor tell you when you walked in and said,

look, I'm angry at every damn thing. Something else we covered earlier. A statistic that we early morning people, we destroy the average. When it comes to this particular stat, and that stat is the average American, average American, burps out their first curse word at around,

what was it again, 11? 10.54 a.m. 10.54 a.m. is when the average American curses for the first time of the day. We murder that stat. We do hear you folks listening because we know you get up early. We came to the conclusion that either a lot of folks sleep in or there's a lot of really straight-laced peckerheads out there who make an effort to keep their delivery clean. What was fun was a lot of our listeners were. texting in the average time that they spit out their first curse word. 145.

Who is this? Muscled Dilf Jesus. He says 145 in the morning when his first alarm goes off. He shuts it off. And immediately afterwards he says, Ah, F and A. I'm going to take a guess, muscled, Dilf, Jesus. You're getting up at 144.

5 a.m. because you work out before you go to work. It looks like it. Saw him on our most recent boat, handsome son of a gun. I'll tell you what. If there's one gimmick in life that I've never understood is the folks that will go and work out. I'm not talking about walking on a treadmill with a cup of coffee in your hand or something like that. I'm talking about folks who work the F out before they go to work. I don't understand that. How in God's name do you have the energy or the motivation for that? buddy of mine, a guy that you guys know as well is one of those, well, he's retired now, but he was a workout before work guy, and that's Lanahan.

Oh, yeah. Well, he would go to the gym at 3 o'clock in the morning and bench press a house, and then he'd go to work. I don't get that. Does your brother do that? No, no, no. He has six gym memberships that he uses in the afternoon. We worked with a guy who would post on social media.

up working the body before I work the mind. Rise and grind. Yeah, he'd have a little saying every day. Oh, here's a former baggage handling Jesus who got back to us. He went to the doctor last week as he says I'm just so pissed off about everything, which blends perfectly in with our conversation about IMS irritable male syndrome. He said the doctor dumped an MRI on him to check his noggin. He must not have the results of that back.

yet. He said he thinks they need to make a medication adjustment. Well, good luck. I mean, if you're concerned enough to go to the doctor, I really hope he can get that figured out. Hey, former baggage handling Jesus, sorry you're so pissed off. A lot of us are. All that matters, really, in my opinion, is that you're not taking it out on anybody else. Yeah, he's being responsible as heck there. You're being responsible, and that's all right. I drive junk so my wife can drive a brand new vehicle, Jesus said. Those people who work out before they go to work, they do that so their day can't get any worse.

I hear you. All right, beer 30, Jesus texted in when we were talking about our first curse word of the day. He wakes up at 2.30 in the morning, and he knows he's got a 12-hour shift in front of him. He sits up in bed and he simply says aloud. F my life. Yeah, I think I just wouldn't want to get up any earlier than I'd have to. So the idea of working out before going into the office or whatever. You've got to be nuts.

The site wherever you're working. That'd be, yeah, I can't imagine doing that. You've got to be nuts. I mean, good for you. That's great. Bad for you, I say. Bad for you. That's terrible.

You know how some people do the whole don't talk to me until I've had my coffee routine? I was in a relationship with someone where's don't talk to her until she's. gets her morning workout in. Did she ever start working out? She just didn't want you to talk to her. Maybe that's it. Never went to the gym once. Never went to the gym once. Didn't own a single weight, no yoga, DVDs, nothing. And then speaking of

you know, early morning anger or more specifically, when we get around to using our first curse word, my guy texted in, I don't have the name in front of me. I apologize, but he said just 25 minutes ago

he had to holler an F-bomb and dump a couple of middle fingers on some other guy while he was driving through Delano. F you, pal. Boom, boom, with the double bird. And it was 25 minutes ago. It was a little after 6 o'clock in the morning. I wonder if that'd be the number two reason.

I mean, number one, people were texting in saying they swear at their alarm. Like, oh, man, F me, that kind of thing. Traffic has to be the first for those that don't already swear at their alarm, don't you think? Traffic, traffic, traffic. looking for my chapstick absolutely josh it's traffic that gets people cursing up a storm i like this one ten bears text it in wakes up at four and this is the first thing that comes out of his yap he says ash i'm still here goat farmer jesus says oh f i woke up again Hugh Jorgon, Jesus said, he does that one sit-up getting out of bed and he's pumped.

That's his workout? Yeah. I do that every day too. He rises up at the waist like the Undertaker and that's his one sit-up. I say we should count that. Well, that's 365 sit-ups a year. That's a lot. That's a good amount.

I guess I do stairs every day by going downstairs to the bathroom in the basement and then coming back up it. So, yeah, I do two flights of stairs. That's impressive too. Mm-hmm. Up and down, up and down he goes. I just take our elevator. We have an elevator. I'm a very wealthy man. All right. Hey, we get it.

We get why you might be cursing up and down right when you get out the sack. Because we're also miserable, just like the rest of you is. We also really can't understand how this turned out to be our. life so you're not alone today's stupid news report begins with a lady it happened again another teacher has lost her gig because everybody in town found out that she's got her own full-on four-alarm X-rated only fans page where dudes pay to pull off it's not my wife is it she is a teacher isn't she didn't see a didn't see a picture Do thinking back

Oh yeah it is You know I looked at it It is your wife Oh my Wow I should just subscribe You can finally see you're naked Yeah there's some

stuff from your wedding night And that's not you in those pictures Thinking back to your school days everybody I mean only fans I don't know if it was around Probably now even around When you were in school Dana Can you think of a teacher

That if it were Okay you can That if it were around back then You'd suspect maybe they're on only fans No. I can't think of one either. I've told you before that. There's a lot of nuns, though.

Although I had a very inappropriate lust for my fifth grade teacher, she didn't belong in any magazines. I was just a fifth grader who was coming of age. I've told you before, there was not one single female teacher from K through 12 that was slinging any level of heat. What about just their personality? like you'd see them personality counts on only fans well somebody I mean some of the people on there aren't necessarily your classic looker but I just mean like they're

kind of they have something about them that says I'm going to get naked on camera see now here's the part where I'll have to admit that I really didn't pay that close attention to the personalities of my teacher I don't know about that Josh but just no I love the idea of the whole hot for teacher scenario I mean how many times has it played itself out movies and I enjoy hearing other people's stories, but there was not one female teacher in my

entire run as a student that I thought, Wawa, wewa, I need to see her with her clothes off. This person says, I bet a good looking nun could make a fortune on only fans. You're probably right. We had one. She was a younger, you know, at the time she seemed old, but looking back, I'm going to guess she was probably in her late 20s. And I was in sixth grade. She was also, she was our science teacher, so part of our science class was sex ed. So it was the hottest teacher in school was teaching sex ed. She was talking about the clitoris. She did.

Yeah. She talked about erections. That made you feel funny, didn't it? It did. I felt weird about it. Yeah. Oh, and just for the record, all the dudes that taught when I was growing up were also hideous. It was just a cavalcade of gargoyles. We only had a couple guy teachers. One time, Josh, I walked into the teacher's lounge. Lounge, I just

vomited. This is because you're ugly Couldn't stand the side of it What did you say now? I said I only had a couple male teachers growing up Oh yeah Maybe three It was overwhelmingly female

Yeah it was mostly ladies In high school a science teacher slash hockey coach A math teacher And there was a couple other male teachers But I'm trying to the ones I had It was only maybe two or three Yeah there weren't many dude teachers

Back in the day Only one in grade school So here we go again another teacher has lost her job because everybody in town found out she's playing with herself on only fans. I mean, if you want to get technical, the word is

this gal hasn't completely lost her gig yet, but she's suspended indefinitely to me that says that the writing is on the wall that she's going to get got. Yeah, they're just waiting to find out how they can do it without getting sued, I'd imagine. This year, gal comes from Missouri, and she goes by the name of...

Now, if this is her given name, then by damn, she was destined to make some kind of a living with her clothes on the floor. She goes by the name of Sheena. Am I right about the name? If that's her given name, I mean, she was... Yeah, that's wild. It was preordained that she would do something in the adult world.

Right. You can't tame a Sheena. Ooh, now that brings me... That makes me think about Sheena Easton. Yeah, that's who I was thinking. Oh, my damn. Foxy. When Sheena Easton sings for Your Eyes Only, dudes, this is a warning.

Maybe you need to go see the doctor. If listening to Sheena Easton sing for Your Eyes Only, the theme song to that James Bond movie, I think it was 1981, if that doesn't give you a hard on, then I don't know what will. I get one every time. Question?

Sure. Go ahead. You know who I was just looking up info in the song, Bill Conti was the conductor. Sounds very familiar. You'll know him as the guy who came up with the Rocky theme. The same guy wrote that song. Yeah, that's where I'm sure I've heard the name. This is great.

CFH bass player Jesus texted in and I couldn't agree more. He said, My Baby Takes the Morning Train by Sheena Easton is a garbage. part. Yes, it is. That is one of the worst. That's a silly song. My baby takes the morning train. Then he works from nine to five. And then he takes another home again to find me waiting for him. And it's a very submissive song. Well, now I'm turned on by the song. Because she's basically saying, I wait around for my husband to get home so I can give him some sex. I've changed my opinion on morning train. It turns me on.

So this lady teacher in Missouri, she's got an only fans page, and she's on the verge of losing her job because of it. And her name is Sheena, yeah. Had a regular gig as a substitute teacher. Same old song and dance here, too. Sheena says that if teachers got paid more monies, she wouldn't have to go online and play with herself while watching a customer dude play with himself while he watches her play with. You guys know the routine. It's funny because I've had this account, this OnlyFans account, for two plus years. So whoever did find it did some deep dive digging because two years later and now it's being found out,

I didn't think that I would be completely stripped away from being at my kid's school. She's been touching herself while watching other people touch themselves online for two years already. Is that what they do on Only fans? They'll watch you too. I don't know. I've never been there. But I think that's a safe assumption. That's only polite. Yeah, I think they got a little bit of everything.

Sheena says that she knew the risks. She had a feeling one day someone would find her out. But she says she was not, as you heard her say right there, she was not expecting to lose her jab. She wasn't expecting that? Why not? I think damn near all of us would expect to be canned from a teaching job if we're showing our spokes on the internet. Yeah, it's a reasonable assumption.

So I don't know why she says that. She also mentioned that this is Sheena talking. She said it's like all of a sudden I've done something so wrong and so sinful. Well, depending on who you ask, you have. Or you haven't. I mean, I don't have a problem with it.

But according to some folks, oh, my God, you'll never be allowed to show your face again. I can't imagine she'd be surprised it would be considered controversial whatsoever. She might not be the brightest character. Oh, the good news is Sheena says that touching herself online has never gotten in the way of her responsibilities as a mother. Ah, I wonder what life is like when your mom is on OnlyFans. That's got to be tough.

That's something where you just pray nobody finds out. I wonder what that's like. Speaking of the kid or two that she's got running around. You heard her mention that. You heard her mention this in the audio. What really has Sheena concerned is her kids also go to... Wait a minute. She's a substitute teacher.

Okay, I think I have a lock on this. She's concerned that the school where her kids go don't want anything to do with her either because she's naughty. She likes to volunteer at the school where her kids go, but they have told her, stay away, lady. put some friggin' drawers on. So now she can't even volunteer at her kids' school. Or here's the good news, if you like to masturbate online. And you're interested in Sheena here. I imagine she's going to have to be even more aggressive on her only fans page now

because this is her only income. She might have to haul out the big guns. Yeah, maybe she'll go further than she had ever anticipated. She might have to go ahead with the bottled farts. Get some of the bathwater going. Yeah, that bottled fart lady claimed she made millions. You want to know what the truth is? What's that?

She made $17. I'd imagine that's probably the case. So that's Sheena's story. She's the latest teacher who had the only, and then the school found, and then she lost her. You ought to try and remember this. This could be a valuable lesson. This here next story could teach you as a valuable. lesson. And that lesson is

just because someone is an enormous nerd, tarantula owner. That does not mean that they don't, at the same time, own a wonderful sense of humor. This is a lady nerd. Josh.

Yeah, they're out there. A lady nerd by the name of Taylor. She's an experienced spider owner, don't you know? A few years ago, she upped and adopted a Costa Rican Z. Debra tarantula. My uncle had a couple of tarantulas.

Oh, for Christ's sake. He ended up murdering one. Oh. But he had a couple of them, which I thought was cool as a young person. Why did he kill one of them in cold blood? It was a retaliation because the one tarantula murdered his favorite tarantula. It somehow, he had like a divider in the terrarium, and it climbed over this divider and ate the other one. And that made him so mad.

he killed that. Yeah, he went on a homicidal. Was it a boot heel? Yeah, it was a stepping on. Was your uncle the psycho? Still is. Oh. So, Taylor, she's got herself a tarantula.

Unfortunately, she dumped a truly terrible name on the spider. She went with the name, Asmodius. I looked up the name, and Asmodius is apparently the name of a Demon King character. from the Bible or something. So my damn, Josh, this Taylor gal, when she decides to get her nerd on, she's all guns blazing, isn't she? Yeah, she doesn't go half-assed into that. So Taylor has her pet tarantula called Asmodius. Initially, Taylor thought Asmodius was a female, which would mean the spider would live a lady tarantula-like lifespan of 20 to 30 years. but recently, just like when Ace Ventura and his esteemed colleague, Dan Marino,

found Captain Winky hanging between the legs of Lieutenant Lois Einhorn. Taylor found out that Asmodius to Tarantula was not a woman. Asmodius is a man! For you folks who know how spiders operate, this is how she found out that her spider was a boy. The tarantula pulled off something called a molt. where it sheds its skin or something stupid like that. Yuck. When Taylor, the lady nerd, saw Asmodius do that.

When it molted, she said, I'll be damned. I've got myself a boy spider, not a girl spider. And knowing her stuff, Taylor realized that boy tarantulas don't live 20 to 30 years like the ladies do. They drop dead after only five or six years. So, it's a long story. Taylor was now fully aware that her dude spider only had about a year to live. And hilariously, she thought, well, damn, I ought to hurry up and get this spider laid and fast. Nothing, she said, or nobody, not even a spider, wants to die a virgin.

That tells me she might like to get it on, too. I would never have that thought. But that's pretty cool. She's looking out for him in that way. You think that that means that she, Taylor, likes to get it on? Yeah, not with spiders, but just in general, that she would have that thought. Like, we got to get his beans snapped here. No, not with spiders.

Taylor also said she noticed that Asmodius was acting all horned up lately. He'd been humping the walls of his cage and watching a lot of women's beach volleyball and cheerleading competitions on television. So Taylor did what lots of folks do. When they're desperate to bust a nut, she went on over there to Reddit. She wrote up a message that said, Mature male tarantula seeking hot spider date near him. And all the shady Reddit dorks loved it.

Taylor's message, on behalf of her pet tarantula, also said, He loves Pena Coladas in parentheses crickets. He loves long walks on the beach in parentheses hiding in his spider house. and being mysterious in parentheses also hiding in his spider house. And thanks to all that silliness, there is a piece of spider ass out there waiting for Asmodius to pound it into dust. In a day or two, Taylor's going to be dropping her tarantula off at a lady tarantula house. She's going to leave him there for a week so they can fold.

Well, I hope they make an emotional connection first. Maybe there should be a dating app for animals or spiders. There already is. Like only fangs or something if it's for tarantula specifically. There's got to be dating apps for. Would you stud out your animal, just like a sympathy F for another animal? My God. That would never cross my mind.

Yeah, I think I'd feel a little weird about that. I'm sympathetic for this. poor tarantula, but I can't imagine just offering up my lady tarantula. I would hope that there aren't too many pet owners out there who are wrapped up in their pet's overall sexual activity. Outside of just breeding. Well, if you're not going to get any... If you're not going to get any from a dog, I might as well give you some.

Now check this out. Whoever wrote this year's story deserves credit. The next line in the story simply says, tarantula sex is metal and Asmodius is ready for it They go on to describe what tarantulas do to each other when they bump It's really confusing and dumb I personally wouldn't call it metal at all

It sounds more like a really complex progressive art rock to me If you want to put a musical spin on it The one element to tarantula sex that is interesting And could be described as metal Is that if the female spider is hungry. After they F, the female spider will mercilessly kill the male dead and then eat him. So there you go. The deck is stacked now. Everything is lined up perfectly for Asmodius the tarantula to get one glorious ride in before he ups and dies. Hopefully he can

close the deal and doesn't end up punking out and looking like a total jackass. Yeah. Yeah, it would suck if he just gets killed and eaten first. IT systems, Jesus said. There's already an only fangs page. It's a hardcore World of Warcraft Guild. That's hilarious. You want to get laid. That's where you go. That's what you do.

Oh, and by the way, if Asmodius the spider knocks his lady up, then lucky us, Josh, there will be a brand new pile of tarantulas launched upon the world, and that's just what we're all hoping for, right? Yeah. Apparently when one tarantula has unprotected sex with the other to completion, that means somewhere in the neighborhood of three or 400 brand new tarantula spiders running around? I don't ever want to see that. I have no interest in that.

Regular birth is rough enough. I can't imagine watching all those spiders pop out of a lady tarantula. But I give this Taylor gal credit, the gal that you said, wow, she must like to bump. I give this Taylor gal credit That's very clever That is That's really adorable Realized that her spider was

Possibly a year away from death And Had never Experienced a spider sex So she's hooking them up Sports On the 93 eggs Half-Ast morning show

What about Zach Levin? I love my I'm old Zach's cute His personality He just seems like he's hell of like a prick What's all of them on? He's beautiful.

He's fine, too. Part of your rankings, you're going to rank fine this. Who's here today? Yeah. I actually, I think I put Ben over Zach. Ben over Zach. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I don't like that. He's all the same age, but then looks right. He's like, he's very smooth. I was like, hey, it's your lotion. I know that's probably tough to make out, but this is cute. The NBA season is, uh, only where are we at now? Uh, three weeks, a month? Less than a month before the NBA kicks.

off their regular season. What we got there was a couple of female reporters and a male reporter who cover the Sackmental Kings are standing around doing this, doing that. The Sackmental Kings players are hovering around. I don't know if they were taking pictures or getting ready for basketball practice. These three reporters all had live mics hanging around their necks getting ready to do some kind of a television report. And the mics picked up the three of them talking about how hot some of the players are. Oh, that sucks. That sucks so bad.

They mentioned Zach Levine. They mentioned Ben Simmons. I think one of the gals said Ben Simmons is cute, but he's a prick. Yep. So they got caught. I don't know if anything's going to come of that. Can you imagine? I mean, once somebody, because they pull the plug on this live broadcast once they realize,

or the live stream, realize that these mics are hot. Can you imagine just your brain, how, first speaking of hot, you're sweating your ass off trying to recount everything you said to figure out how much trouble you're going to be in. Right. Oh, that sucks. And then you've got to go face those players next time you've got to interview them. Right.

That's uncomfortable. There's lots going on today, Covey. Every damn thing going on. Big League Baseball wild card playoffs begin today. I like the baseball playoffs. Get comfortable. It's going to be a poke all day long. Big League Baseball Wild Card Round Game Ones.

everywhere's. The friggin' national hockey league starts their regular season tonight. That doesn't seem right. They've got a pile of games tonight. The Lynx and Liberties play game two of their WNBA opening round playoff series. The links have to win or that's it.

And a question for you, Josh. What's your favorite J.J. McCarthy moment? Gosh, there's been so many. Now that he's gone, when you think back to all the moments, what's your favorite? Well, it's J.J. McCarthy related. And that was the year he was supposed to start for the Vikings, but he got injured before the season, right?

And that was when one of my son's friends cried and said, the season's over. Again, he'd never taken a snap for the Vikings yet. Right. He called him as king. The king has been dethroned. It's not going to happen. I told you schmucks, this guy was going to be garbage.

I remember that story. I remember that story. Inconsolable almost right. I'd tell him, like, hey, you know, we haven't seen anything from him. He might be terrible. Sure, he might be great. But let's not just say the Vikings are done. Yeah, he was traded, and we'll get into that.

Oh, the Bears won on last night's episode of Monday Night Football. The Bears beat the Philadelphia Eagles. But we'll get to all that mess at 7.30 with Randy Shaber. Cuppie's news is coming up next. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Condition.

I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints.

You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket. Combo's promo code WWOS. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility.

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It's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it. The 93X. Morning Cell. It appears that Mr. Butka was about to be released from jail. Still not real clear on why he felt the need to have this witness murdered other than anger and revenge. A Florida neighbor feud over a drone took a pretty serious detour from mildly annoying to nearly murderous. Authorities say a fight between neighbors turned into a murder for hire plot when 69-year-old David Butka asked another inmate to kill his neighbor dead.

I'll be. It started July 22nd when investigators say Butka was arrested for flying his drone near his neighbor's house in Claremont, a dispute that had already become an ongoing civil issue. Then things got a little more personal. As a victim tried to leave his home in their car, a witness saw Butka screaming at the victim and hurling a rock at the vehicle. He was arrested on an aggravated assault charge and booked into jail. And it appears jail gave Butka some quality time to cook up his. follow-up plan because investigators said he approached another inmate and offered him $5,000 up front to kill one of his neighbors.

That's a lot of money. His neighbor was... I'll do it. Five grand, you say? A neighbor who was a witness in his criminal case, so he thought maybe I can get out of jail if this person's dead. Sure, that's all they do with the movies. Butka told the inmate he had about $1.3 million in the bank, probably a lie.

An investigator say he handed over the intent. intended victim's name, physical description, morning schedule, and directions to their house. And it wasn't the first time Budka had targeted them either. The intended victim told investigators that he had previously been harassed and stalked. The paper trail didn't do him any favors either. Receipts show Butka paid $300 in the inmate's account and gave his credit card to the inmate's wife. Thankfully, somebody decided this was a pretty bad idea and contacted jail staff. Another inmate blew the whistle, and that tip set off an investigation by the Lake County Sheriff's Office Criminal Investigation Unit. This started back on the 8th was when the actual conversation between

the two inmates occurred. The inmate came forward to one of our jail supervisors to report it on the 16th, and that's when we got involved. Botka had been scheduled for court and released days later. Instead, he was arrested again, this time with a whole lot more to explain. Investigators also said the intended victim had been a witness in two previous cases involving Butka, who denied planning the alleged murder plot to investigators. Seems to me that murder for hire gimmick almost never works, does it, Josh? If you want something done right, you got to do it yourself. I'm with you on that.

Yeah, I would like to know the career statistics of how often it's worked out. I bet it's a pretty low percentage. You want somebody dead? You got to go ahead and do it on your own. You know, and that's a lost dart nowadays, people doing things for themselves. don't you think what's the word what happened to craftsmanship yeah right there uh outsourcing yeah they outsourced yeah right make it more artisanal you know put your name behind it be proud i will say though even the ones that work as far as your intended victim is murdered it seems

like you always get caught somebody gets caught yeah i mean remember when we were going to kill a guy well i was going to kill a guy and i needed you as an alibi yes i wasn't looking to get anybody else involved. I was going to do it myself. I just needed you to keep your big trap shut. You were just being responsible. If I could give you credit for this murder you wanted to commit. I came pretty close to killing a guy. Yeah, you did. Thank God you were drunk.

Otherwise, you would have driven yourself because, again, you take responsibility for your own actions. But you were too drunk to drive, so you called me at like one in the morning. Yeah. And said, uh, will you give me a ride to this guy's house so I could kill him dead? And I remember

guffawing, assuming you're joking. You I knew you didn't like the guy, but then you said more seriously and sinister, you think I'm kidding. Yeah. I'm going to kill that guy. You're right. Isn't that funny how had I been sober, I might have done it. But I feared a DWI. That's not the murder.

Right. It's like, hey, I'm not a psycho here. I'm going to kill a guy, but I ain't driving drunk. That was good. Yeah, you got to go ahead and, you know, handle your business all on your own. That murder for hire thing? It just seems to be a flop every time. Even in the great state of Minnesota, the angry neighbor genre is alive and well.

But this time, with a gun instead of a quadcopter. A neighborly dispute in St. Louis Park turned dangerous Sunday afternoon after a resident allegedly pointed a gun at a neighbor, triggering a massive police response. Officers showed up at the scene about 4.30 p.m. and found the suspect holed up in his home, initially refusing to obey commands to come out. Yeah, they do that. Yeah, you know, usually they're not. I mean, right away, you kind of want to make it count a little bit, right? They just come out right away. You're ruining it. Officers say the standoff escalated fast. Police called for backup and agencies from neighboring communities poured in, including a SWAT team, perhaps realizing he didn't want to face a highly trained special weapons and tactics team. The suspect changed his mind and surrendered before SWAT arrived. Thankfully, no injuries were reported. St. Louis Park, huh?

You used to live there. I sure did. Did you enjoy your time in St. Louis Park? I was mostly planning to kill that guy while. I wasn't really paying attention. Is that where you were living at the time? Yeah. I had spent a lot of my time just drawn up how I was going to kill that guy.

There were a couple times where I thought you were going to, the two of you in person. Mind if I tell another story about you wanting to kill that guy? Go ahead. We were staying at a resort for a library. broadcast and we were in his room. And you guys were drinking. I don't think I was. And the two of you got into it. I don't remember what it was about. But I mean, really. I do. Oh, do you really? Yeah. Is it something you can share? It doesn't matter. Okay. Yeah, it's not important to the story, but I do remember what it is we were arguing about. I mean, you were real, I've never seen you

that mad before. And I've seen you mad, but I thought, oh, God, these guys are going to kill each other. And then you said, all right, it's not worth it. We left the room. But you're like, oh, hang on a second. You forgot your beer. You had a half-empty beer. So you turned around- I had a cooler full of beer. Oh, is a cooler? I just remember a beer. So you went, okay. The last thing I said to the guy was, I, F you, you know, you're a piece of garbage. I hope you drop dead someday, you puke bag. And Josh and I left the room, took about six steps away. And I said, oh, crap, I left my cooler of beer in his room. So I had to go back in there and grab my cooler of beer. Hey, bro. Sorry for the intrusion.

Nothing was said there. I think he had respect for my cooler of beer, at least. Yeah, he got it. He knew it made sense for me to return and grab it. Dennis Haskins, the man who made every teenager at Bayside High Sweat, has died sadly at the age of 75. Haskins was best known as Principal Richard Belding on the beloved teen sitcom, saved by the bell.

His agent released a statement saying, It's a tragic loss. Everyone loved Mr. Belding, and those of us who got to know Dennis loved him even more. Haskins rose to prominence in the late 80s and early 90s, and he kept that role alive across multiple spin-offs, including the college years and the new class.

As Belding, he spent his days trying to keep Zach Morris and the rest of the Bayside students in line off. What was that about? Just the show was such garbage. I thought I did something stupid. No. You weren't being me. I should have held on to that until later because it made no sense.

The guy died. It made no sense to dump it on you right there. I wonder about this guy because he was the only legitimate actor on that program. It was good. Everyone else on that show was just horrible. They're just terrible actors. So I wonder if kind of like Robert Reed who played Father Brady, who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch, I wonder, because Robert Reed was a legit actor.

Florence Henderson was too. But Robert Reed hated the Brady Bunch. bunch because the show was just so stupid. That bothered, or it bummed me out. Not bother. That bummed me out because I loved that show. He loved the people he was working with, but he just knew the show was garbage. So what I wonder about this Belding guy, Mr. Belding, what was his real name? Dennis Askins.

God rest his soul. I wonder if he hated the program because he was smart enough to know it was dog feces. But he couldn't walk away because it was a solid paycheck. You see where I'm going with this? What's going on here? I was talking about your show. What do you think? I could see it

I mean he was on all the spin-offs Maybe he just realized this is a good gig I'm making some money Like I said it was an easy paycheck I wonder if it was anything more than that to him Because he had to You know as they were warming up to cut a scene He had to look around and say

Jesus look at these frigging hacks I read that he He was always very appreciative of fans And people who knew him said it was legit That wasn't just lip service He really appreciated folks That would talk to him about the show He came off like a very nice guy.

He did. That's pretty much everything I've read about of today. He's been battling Parkinson's disease as well as other health issues, but his official cause of death has not yet been announced. How old was he? 75. Oh, that's too young. It is. Hmm.

I'm going to see what we got time for here. Mr. Belding, they called him. Yeah. Let's do this one. Most places will happily let you do your business at their business. but it kind of goes without saying they have to be open if you want to cash in on that opportunity. That was not the case for one man in Texas arrested for the questionable strategy he deployed to use the bathroom, intentionally crashing his vehicle through the front entrance.

Police in Rosenberg were dispatched to a Kroger grocery store Sunday morning and got quite the surprise, a car that had ended up inside the building after smashing through multiple sliding doors. According to the post, the police department shared on Facebook, a 60-year-old man became enraged when he found the doors locked, so he drove his SUV straight into the store at 4.28 a.m. Later informing officers, his drastic actions were fueled entirely by an urgent need to go potty. It's unclear if he ever completed his mission before police showed up, but he was arrested and charged with criminal mischief after leaving behind extensive structural damage. Code Brown? They didn't say specifically. I guess when you got to go, you got to go.

But we strongly advise finding a store open for business to do your business. The department added. Is this the liquor talking or did something similar to this happen not that long ago? I know. When you were reading the story, did it ring a bell? Because I thought we had something similar. I know we talked about crashes into the stores. I don't know if it was about going to the bathroom.

Oh, I remember now. There was a guy who broke into a shop just with his bare hands, not with his car. and the entire motivation was the guy had to take a huge, sh. He, like, physically punched through a window or something. So it is similar, but a little different. It does seem like an emergency situation when it happens to you. This guy used his car to get in there. Yeah, instead of option number one, crashing into a Kroger,

he could have taken option number two in his desperation to empty his bladder or more likely evacuate his bowels, they never said. He never noticed that the Kroger sits directly next to a hotel, which almost certainly would have had a toilet, and would certainly have been a far better option, not to mention a 24-hour gas station located barely a minute down the road. But maybe he didn't have a minute to spare. When you're that desperate, you don't even see straight.

Yeah, his brain wasn't working. Right, your brain goes sideways when you're that desperate. But that is funny. You're exactly right. Had he walked into a hotel room, nobody would have even noticed him. Oh, a gas station? Would have got it. Yeah. Definitely would have got it.

Earlier we were talking about tarantulas? Oh, yeah? Here's something about the Durantula. NBA star Kevin Durant, 38 today. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what, he's 38 already, huh? He is. Singer slash bassist for Primus, Les Claypool, 63.

My name is Mud. Today, one of the biggest comedians of his era begins the final year of his 60s. Oh, final year of his 60s? Oh, Miss Muffet sat on a tough one eating. A curds and wing. Long came a spidey sat down beside he said, hey, what's in the ball, bitch? Comedian Andrew Dice Clay, 69 today.

I'll tell you what, Cubby. I think I, well, I don't want to say wasted or threw away. I'll just say I spent literally months of my life doing nothing but listening to his material when I was a young guy. Oh, man. He was so big. We were obsessed. We were obsessed.

We were straight up. I was shocked. Everything he did, we just would. We were all over it. I think we both really liked this show. It might have just been called Dice on Showtime. It was so funny. He was so self-aware, so funny, kind of like not a mock you.

but biographical a little bit, kind of like a reality show, but not really. It was very good. He was very self-deprecating and aware of who he is and what he's become, which is a broken down old man. I love that show, too. I'm sorry it went away so quickly. One of the greatest scenes ever. Maybe you can look this up. He and his wife go to a comedy club.

what's the actor with the he's got a horn on him like this he's a very respected actor from like the piano I don't know the movies he's been in Arthur Arthur Bach no that's a Dudley Moore's character in the movie he's got a it's like this here

Adrian Brody Adrian Brody Is that the guy? So Dice and his wife go to a comedy club because Adrian Brody who Dice is friends with is putting on a comedy show and Adrian Brody comes out with the leather jacket

getting the cigarette in his mouth and he's doing the whole little miss muffet he's doing the dice routine to a tea dice's wife is roaring with laughter and loving it and dice is looking around going this guy's stealing my act his wife says no that ain't you he's like what are you talking about it's not i mean it was so funny i think even if you're not an andrew dice clay fan um you'd enjoy this show it's a very yeah i've watched it back in the day yeah it was very funny and i know a lot of people hated Dice back in the day. And now that I'm older, I understand why. I understand why a lot of people hated it. If you look back

some of those jokes are kind of shocked. When I said I was shocked earlier, that's what I meant. Like, oh boy, that's pretty bad. But boy, he could be funny. I get it. Do you know what he does now? A friend of mine sends me these videos. You're going to wet your pants, Josh. He and John Lovitz just kind of walk around Hollywood

just doing anything. Oh, really? Yeah, I'd watch that. And the two of them, again, they're kind of embracing this. We're just broken down old timers trying to get through the day and nobody knows who we are anymore and we hate ourselves type routine. He and John Lovitz. I mean, talk about a combination. John Lovic. I wish he made more movies now.

Another bit that Dice does now is he walks up on strangers on the sidewalk and he goes, you're the one who wants to take the picture with me. And they're like, huh? You're the guy, right? You want to take the picture with me? Oh, how does he? Oh, and then he turns the phone to his face and he goes, you want a picture with the 24-carat, you know, the face? Anyway, you got to see this stuff.

I love the guy. I still love him. I mean, just the way he smoked a cigarette, don't know why he did it, but that was so awesome. Bring it behind his head. Oh, man. I really like this guy, too. Deadwood and John Wick star Ian McShane, 84 today. Happy 50th a day early to Hoosier Jesus, who's got a lot to. To celebrate this week, he'll be 15 years sober on Thursday as well.

Hope it's a great one. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. I had a chance to spend time with him, you know, this morning, which was emotional. And, you know, our relationship means a lot to me. I believe it means a lot to him. And these situations are never easy.

These types of decisions for me are never easy because the person is important. I enjoyed my time getting to know JJ. I want the best for him. and I hope that he succeeds in the future. I told you frigging people that the McCarthy kid was a stiff from the get-go. But still, some of you has raced right out and out, got your jerseys. Hello, Randy Schaber. Hello, Dana.

Hello, see Willie Miles also this morning, brother. Mr. Jersey. Yeah. I'm definitely going to go to Coles once they're like 80% off and get one, because that's going to be funny down the line. Get me one. I'll pay you back. I want one too.

Yeah, I will. I was looking for Christmas gifts, you know, maybe last October. And they had nine jerseys that were going for about nine bucks. Oh, really? Already then they were selling them pretty cheap. Yeah, I'm definitely going to get my hands on one. They knew. They knew.

They knew. The Vikings got it done yesterday. They traded totally unproven and injury-prone quarterback J.J. McCarthy to the New York Giants. What a total disaster that was, huh? What a mess. I mean, this is, there's a. There's been a few Vikings' first-round picks that have been just absolute stunners. Lewis Seine, Demetrius Underwood.

I mean, there's a list of a few. And McCarthy, I think, is at the top of that list. Who is that wide receiver, Williamson? Yep. Williamson out of South Carolina. Troy, William. Oh, yeah. Troy Williamson, yep.

But I think McCarthy's pretty close to the top of that list. Oh, yeah. He really is. I mean, when you invest that kind of a pick, the money, the time that they've invested, trying to see if this guy would be their franchise quarterback. And that's what every NFL team wants. That's what every NFL team looks for. That's what they pay a lot for, is that franchise quarterback.

And so you can't fault the Vikings for trying to find that guy. They pick the wrong guy. They picked the wrong guy. They, and it was a failure on both sides. It's a failure on the Viking side for the, for the pick, for the trying to develop him. It's just a failure on their side and a failure on his side too. You know, it runs both, it runs both ways. And so it's a very disappointing day for the Vikings.

It does open the door for Kyler Murr. if he plays well this year to get a contract that's more than one year. Because remember, remember the Vikings aren't really paying Kyler Murray. Arizona is paying for Kyler Murray to be here. So the Vikings investment in a starting quarterback in the NFL is not very large at all. And then here's the other part of this. 2027 is loaded with, and I, put these in quotes, franchise potential quarterbacks.

Yeah, they'll pick the wrong guy that time too. Coming out of college. Right. Doesn't have to be a first round guy, but I'm just saying the 2027 draft is loaded with those kind of guys. So they've kind of set themselves up. There's no quarterback on their roster that has a contract after this season. So they've set themselves up. to figure out what that looks like going forward. So they'll have another chance to draft that franchise quarterback in 20 and 27, and I wonder if they F the dog there too.

I think they should get Case Keenham back personally. Yeah, he played great last night, didn't he? He was great last night. He sure looked like he had something left in the tank, old Cliffie Keebler. He really did. He did not look 38. No, not at all. I shouldn't ever let him go.

I texted about he was a big Bears fan. I said, this didn't go one or two ways tonight. He's either going to have $1. 27 yards and three picks, or he's going to go for like 250 and three. He looked awesome. He went 250 and three. And you know, that offense played well last night. I mean, Swift ran the ball well.

They ran for over 100 yards as a team. And he didn't have to be the superstar. He just had to manage and get first downs and move the ball. But he had some big drives last night where he made some key plays. Right. And I'll say this, you know, they've got two really, They've got three great receivers or supposed great receivers in Burden, Odunzei and Loveland.

The real player for them is the former lion. Khalif Raymond has had a phenomenal start to the football season, and maybe he's a guy that will push one of those other guys out of the picture. Chicago Bears beat the Philadelphia Eagles last night on the latest edition of Monday Night Football. Yeah, and Cliffie Keebler played well, and you're saying there's a few guys on that Bears roster that can bring it. So back to the J.J. McCarthy trade. Well, now, people are texting in saying that we just don't understand J.J. McCarthy.

We're not smart enough to understand him. I believe that. I believe that. So in return, the Vikings are receiving a fifth round draft pick in the year 20 and 27, which it says here is about as much as anyone could have hoped for giving McCarthy's. That's what he's worth. given McCarthy's value on the open market. I mean, everybody knows he's not wired to be a starting quarterback in the NFL. He's at best a second stringer.

At best. Well, you know, he's never going to be a quality starting quarterback in the National Football League, Randy. If he was going to be that, he would have shown us that at this point. Well, we'll have to see. No, I guarantee. I promise you. Nick, Sam Darnold, Sam Darnold was a third pick in the first round.

We're not talking about it. Sam Darnel. But I'm saying, in the past, there have been quarterbacks who had took them time. It's never going to happen. Well, you're right, but it's never going to happen with this kid. I'm just saying that you can never say never. He doesn't have it.

I'm sure a lot of Vikings fans are glad that this is over. We no longer have to hear phony little optimistic theories on McCarthy from O'Connor. That's the part I got so sick of. You know, we're working at him slow. We're trying to, oh, for Christ's sake, it's not going to happen. Let it go, and they finally did. He's also in this group, I saw this stat last night, that he's one of four quarterbacks, McCarthy, in the past 25 years to start 10 or fewer games for the team that drafted him, first round picks.

Paxton Lynch, Trey Lance, out of Marshall, Minnesota, and Johnny Mansell were the other three guys. My God. Man, household names right there. My God. Yeah, there you go. Oh, and, you know, J.J. McCarthy came out of the University of Michigan. Shadiest place in the Midwest right now, the University of Michigan. And they're in town this week.

They are. And medical device Jesus, of course, a regular listener and regular texter. He's a Michigan state guy. And he asked me to do him a favor today. He said, before J.J. leaves town, medical device Jesus has always wanted me to add an element or add a little twist to the nickname I gave McCarthy from the get-go, which was totally unproven and injury-prone. Medical advice Jesus says, please, before he leaves town, dump one more little nickname on him. He is a product of cheaters. So totally unproven,

injury-prone, and a product of cheaters, J.J. McCarthy has been traded to the New York Giants. Oh, my God. He'll go get some good life lessons from James and Winston Winston. I will say this, though, Nick. You're going to find this to be disappointing because you love talking about stuff like this. I love bad news and controversy, yes. And every time we get rid of bad news, it's just one less thing to talk about. Oh, but you follow this team far closer than I do these days, Randy Schaeber. You know that the next twist, the next gong show is on.

a heartbeat away. For sure. Yeah. For sure. We'll have something new to celebrate, maybe even by the end of the workday. By the way, so C. Willie Miles mentioned that

just because J.J. McCarthy is now a New York giant doesn't mean they're going to hand him the starting job. Oh, for sure not. The starting quarterback is James Winston. Jack Dart was injured. Most of you

know that already. So one of me and Cubby's favorite all-time NFL players James Winston has the gig now for the New York Giants. Did any of you hear how James Winston brilliantly answered a few questions before he started Sunday's game for the Giants against whoever they played, it doesn't matter. This dude is deep as balls. He is. Was he being funny or difficult or you think he was really just being deep? Yeah, oh, he's just deep, yeah. So he was interviewed on the field before the ball game started.

To say this has been a difficult week is an understatement, but this is your 90th NFL start. You've had a week of prep. How confident are you in carrying this team forward? One thing that I do is for getting those that is behind and reaching forward to what's ahead. Well, we're having beautiful weather today. How much do you feel that's going to impact the game out here?

man, I'm so grateful that we get to focus on winning one play at a time. The circumstances, conditions, in fact, they don't matter. It's us doing, being doers, not speakers. We're looking forward to seeing you doing it today, and good luck. Thank you. Kind of like a robot malfunctioning there, or AI gone bad. Was that his ultimate warrior impression? Just randomly spit words?

I love it. Did you happen to watch the video? Yes. And he's like, where's he even looking? He had like the thousand-yard stare. He's a deadpan talker. He loves that. He loves just slapping quotes on people.

It's just random quotes. I don't think I've ever seen him act that way. I haven't either. Usually he's this kind of cartoon character. Yeah, kind of a goofy dude. Silly and funny. He tries to be jovial and funny. But, I mean, he was really in this deep state of mind.

And he was kind of surveying the atmosphere in between questions and really people are saying it was a bit it had to have been it was so odd Jameson Jameson is he's hilarious okay so it was a comedy bit I think it was well if so this man needs his own sitcom I mean I don't know what it was

because I bought it I love him he talks like that but he's he's hilarious he is very fun so he does pan stuff he'll talk like he's given a great interview and he knows the stuff he just said is just words okay And that's what it was.

Can we listen to it again? I've known him to be funny. I've just never heard this style of comedy from him, this deep character. Okay, if it was a comedy bit, then yeah, let's hear it again. To say this has been a difficult week is an understatement, but this is your 90th NFL start. You've had a week of prep. How confident are you in carrying this team forward?

One thing that I do is forgetting those that is behind and reaching forward to what's ahead. Well, we're having beautiful weather today. How much do you feel that's going to impact the game out here? Man, I'm so grateful that we get to focus on winning one play at a time. The circumstances, conditions, in fact, they don't matter. It's us doing, being doers, not speakers. We're looking forward to seeing you doing it today, and good luck.

Thank you. I like turtles. Oh. He's totally talking about a reach-around. All right, so that was a new style of comedy. I don't know. I don't know. What was going on there?

Deadpan. I like him, though, and I wish him the best of luck. I hope he has a great time there with the New York Giants. Anything to keep McCarthy off the field? He's there as an emergency backup, I'm assuming. I saw one Giants fan say he'd rather watch Jackson Dart play in a wheelchair than JJ. Yeah. But then again, but then again, we all know that if McCarthy does get a shot,

I mean, we stand for some great. entertainment there. Yes. Maybe I want him to get, I don't want him to get an opportunity, but at the same time I do. Yeah. Good news on that Justin Jefferson ankle injury. It's not considered a long-term type of a deal, just a mild sprain. Will he play Sunday?

We'll see, like I was saying yesterday, expect the Vikings to be annoyingly cautious with this situation. Right. Not such great news for a Vikings tied end by the name of Josh Oliver. he might be done for the whole year. Might be done for the whole year because you know what he did, Cubby? Tore his bicep, clean off. He's got big biceps. Oh, gosh, that's too bad.

My guy. Tor a bicep. That is too bad. That happened in that game against Tampa Bay. He needs to have urgery. They say, yeah, this guy isn't exactly Kellynne Winslow. No, but he's a good blocking tight end. That's what they always say, right?

He's a great blocker. That's exactly where I would. going with this. Yeah, he's only got three catches. But yes, he's a very effective run blocker. Listen to these names. Other than T.J. Hawkinson,

the only other tight end in the Vikings roster right now is a second year player called Gavin Bartholomew. That name doesn't strike a lot of fear in me. No. Sounds like a neurologist. He's a name. Yeah. If I'm

lining up against a guy named Reggie Nails or something. I'm a little nervous. Gavin Bartholomew? I think I can take him. I think the Vikings are in line to draft a franchise tight end

at some point. Maybe even this next draft because... A lot of franchise players in the mix here. Hawkinson is good, but he's over the hill. It's been a while since he was someone that you could

depend on the entire season. I think the Vikings are in line to do something like that. Kind of like what the Jets did when they drafted the kid out of Oregon. I mean, every draft, there's two or three tied ends that everybody says, okay, that guy's going to be around for a long time. He's a great player. I hear you, Randy Schaber. Here's a listener who heard that James Winston audio,

and they say they think that James sounds like he needs to adjust his meds, a little bit. Yeah. No, he's fine. He's good. No, no, no. We love the guy. Yeah.

We're going to poke fun at him a little bit. Big League Baseball, Wild Card, Round. I'll get there. Here we go. The sentence I should have edited this. All of the Wild Card Round Game Ones begin today. We talked about it a little bit yesterday. Get comfortable, Randy.

It's going to be a poke. I know. I love it. They still playing baseball then? They're still playing baseball. How come the season isn't over when the twins are done? Yeah. I bet it is for your mother-in-law.

Or does she watch playoff baseball no matter what? No, no. She's just a twins fan. What the hell are these other teams still playing for? Right. Your mother-in-law is thinking. Yeah, what are they doing? I also love this time of year.

Major League baseball is like every other sport in the world. Too many teams make the playoffs and the process takes way too long, but I still love it. Yeah, but the format for the wild card is fine. because it's three games in one place. Nobody's, there's no travel. They do that right. There's so much on the line. I just think they do, they do that right.

So today, White Sox, Astros, Phillies, Braves, Cubs, Padres. And on prime time, as I mentioned yesterday, the, we'll be facing the. Oh, I like that second one. Which one was which? Well, you guess. I think the second one was the Yankees. You're right. Yeah.

Who do you like in the World Series? Who's going to make it? Dodgers versus... Really? No, I have no idea. God, I hope not. No, we don't want the Dodgers and the... No, of course not.

I think it's the Red Sox year. I think the Red Sox will come out of the American League. They've got great pitching. they just seem like a team of destiny this year. That sucks. With the way that they played to get themselves in position. All right. We're disappointed by that prediction.

I was just saying the other day, it's about time it's the Red Sox year finally. And I think it's the Brewers year. I really do. I believe that when I see it. Yeah, I think it's the Brewers year. Every year the twins get knocked out and I root for the Brewers and they do nothing.

Yeah. They have a ton of talent, though. Yeah, they often do add up to Jack Squat, though. They're in Milwaukee. I hope they have the greatest season in Brewer's history. I hope they win the whole smear. Can you imagine the party in Milwaukee if that happens? Oh, that'd be insane.

I remember once a pal of mine and I went to Milwaukee. What the hell were we doing there? Oh, we went to go see Megadeth and Motorhead and Dio and Iron Maiden. Are you still all those bands again? Wait a minute. Maybe that was two separate shows. We went to go see Motorhead and Dio and Iron Maiden. Megadeth was a separate show, Josh.

Sorry. But we sat down at some little steakhouse in the middle of nowhere is Milwaukee. And the guy behind the bar was a thousand years old. And it was during baseball season. And so I think Brewer's game was on television. And we asked the dude, we said, in 1982, were you bartending at this joint? And the guy said, oh, yeah, I've been here since, you know, 1939 or something like that. And we said, what was the city like?

in the 82 playoffs and into the World Series. They lost to the Cardinals that year. We asked him, what was the city like? And he said, it was absolutely the most lawless and dangerous Milwaukee has ever been. He said, nobody went to work. Everybody was drunk. They're breaking beer bottles over each other's heads at the bar. He said, he wants to see it again, but at the same time, he kind of doesn't want to see it again.

Doesn't know if the city can survive? He can't survive. I know baseball fans in Chicago are hoping for the, I don't know what the odds are that the White Sox and the Cubs would actually meet in the World Series, but at least starting today, it is a possibility. That would be Armageddon as well. Wouldn't that be something? That would make me a baseball fan if I saw that. Yeah.

There's a North Siders and the South Siders. They don't like each other. I would absolutely love that. That would be insane. You'd have to be nuts not to love that. Somebody's going to win the game and somebody's going to win the fight. Yep. Because that will happen.

All right. So you predicted Brewers versus Brewers and Red Sox in the World Series. I don't know. Like I said, I hope the Brewers win it all. That would be great. I just can't pick the Dodgers. I know the Dodgers have the town. They have the depth, especially at pitching.

I just can't pick them. You know what you do, Randy Schaeber? It's a personality question. you often apologize for things that people should never apologize. I just can't pick them. He's sorry about that. Have you ever noticed that, Josh? I haven't.

I haven't. I'm going to pay more. There's nobody here that's going to go after you, Randy Schaeber, for not picking the Los Angeles Dodgers. Randy, just like we say back in the hood, man, you either 10 toes down and full chest in or just don't say it. You know what I'm saying? Say it with your whole chest, 10 toes down and don't apologize. I have noticed. You're right. You're right, C-L.

I've noticed Brad Wright. or start sentences with I'm sorry at times. Have you noticed that? Yeah. It's a symptom of having controlling wives. Oh, my God. Whoa. Wow.

When you apologize before you even begin speaking. It's a symptom of a... When you say it, that kind of makes sense. You know you might be right. Sometimes the creativity of how my wife finds a way where something's my fault is pretty impressive. Yes, I never thought of it that way, but gosh, you might be right. There's been a couple where I thought she's got to be a TV writer because I don't even

know how you come up with that one. It's a symptom of being a submissive husband. Oh, my God. Yeah, pathetic. Pathetic, kind of sad, spineless, nutless. Over the hill. Jesus. Older that you apologize before we even begin speaking.

You should work on that, Randy, because you are worth something. Your word is worth something. That's for sure. You're a stud in our eyes. not under your roof, but on this program, your word is... My God. I'm sorry, I blew upsy, Willie, but, you know...

No, I'm glad you pointed that out. These are friends of mine who need to hear... They need to be motivated. That could be a fatal flaw on my part. My wife just texting said she's on the phone with Roseanne right now. Oh. Well, I don't think you change your behavior at home. Just outside of home, you can pretend like you don't talk that.

law he calls it. That's foreshadowing. Okay. So I don't, I don't know about who I think will end up in the World Series. I'll pick a pick two. Come on. I'll go. Brewers raise and I don't care if I'm even close. But I do know one thing. I've got a favorite player. Okay. I've got a favorite player. He's been around for one full baseball season now. I I've watched him play a couple of times, but never heard a word out of the man. So when the Chicago White Sox clinched a playoff spot, whenever that was a few days ago, you know what comes next, the beer drinking, the champagne bottles, the carrying on, right? Mm-hmm. Yep.

That Japanese power hitter they have on the roster, Munataka Murakami. Yep. He partied his nuts off, and I think you'll enjoy this audio of Murakama celebrating in the Sox clubhouse after they clinched. Boone, your first clubhouse celebration, rated on a scale of 1 to 10. How's it going so far? 100. Oh!

No 10. 100. How many champagne bottles have you opened so far? 100! What does it mean just to be able to celebrate with this team? I'm Japanese! The video's even better. Am I remembering right, Nick?

It was a couple days ago I watched it, but is the reporter? Isn't she wearing swimming? goggles because of all the champagne. Oh, I'm sure she does. That's common. I didn't see the video, but they all do that, yeah. Oh, you got to watch that. You got to watch the video.

The look on his face, how excited he is, was great. I want, so I'm, I got to change my answer from a World Series prediction. I want the Chicago White Sox to win the whole frigging thing. I want this guy to hit 40 home runs in the playoffs, and I want him to be given the MVP award, not only just for this season, but the MVP of all time. Where's that guy from, by the way? Did he mention anything about that? He is Japanese.

He is, okay. You didn't hear it? Boone, your first clubhouse celebration, rated on a scale of 1 to 10. How's it going so far? 100. No, 10. 100. How many champagne bottles have you opened so far?

100. What does it mean just to be able to celebrate with this team? I'm Japanese! How you are not linking your, how do you call, hooking your wagon to this guy? Oh, my God. Un-effin-in-believable. We finally found a baseball player who got a. more drunk than Brian Dozier.

No. My God. He was amped. We have fun series. Dana, we got to go jersey shopping. You want to find a J.J. McCarthy jersey for $2.54. Yeah. I got to find a Miracami jersey.

You have to at this point. Unbelievable. What a legend. God. Josh, you know how to make something my ringtone? Yeah. Can I guess what it's going to be? Is it this?

Oh, no, that didn't work. Can I guess what it is? Is it this? I'm a Zepardi! And his teammates go, yeah! He is. He's not lying. That's the truth.

It's real. Absolutely, the greatest baseball interview I've heard in decades. What else do we have here, Randy Schaber? Oh, you know this old song and dance. The twins fired a couple of guys. Yeah, I'm not surprised. No, no. I mean, the pitching has been, you know, less than stellar.

You know, it's not, it's not, it doesn't all fall on a pitching coach. Of course, of course not. Kind of unfair, but I can see why they're going to go in a different direction. So. They fired Pete Mackie, their pitching coach. They fired an assistant pitching coach by the name of Luis Ramirez. These guys have been around for a long time. It sucks.

Pete Mackie was under the, uh, the manager before. So it's not surprising. It sucks, but this is how they do it. You got to fire a couple of guys to show the fans or show somebody that you're changing things. It's such garbage. Yeah.

And again, though, as we talked about yesterday, this is a young team that's got some really interesting fun pieces to it. So maybe the next guy they bring in will be someone that can help motivate and take those young players, the Taj Bradley's of the world and push them to a next level, which would be great. On a scale of 1 to 10, Josh, how excited are you for the rest of today's program? I'm Japanese. 100.

On a scale of 1 to 10, your answer is 100. Boone, you appreciate it, rated on a scale of 1 to 10. How's it going so far? 100. And you know what's extra fun about it? He sounds 300 years old. He's 24 or something. He had a great year, too.

I hope he has an even better playoff. See Willie Miles. Your basketball team is on the verge of elimination. My God. The Minnesota Lynx and the New York Liberties play game two of their WNBA opening round series tonight. It's do or die for the Minnesota Club already. They got to win tonight and bring the series back this away. They will.

Okay. They will. They're going to win. this series. If you're confident, I'll be confident. Are they going to win it? I'm 100% sure of that. They can't lose to the Liberty. The Liberty stole that

championship from them. Yes, they did. I read about that recently. Stewie made seven steps and they didn't call travel. I remember that, yeah. Yeah, never put the ball on the floor. Brianna Stewart, the star player for... I love her. She's an absolute beast. She buried them in game one.

Yeah. They got to get right tonight. Yep. where you can take all that hype and throw it right into the trash can. I know. You're not going to believe this, C. Willie Miles. You're smooth, not going to believe it. The National Hockey League begins their regular season schedule tonight. Oh, no.

Is it tonight? Oh, my God. It's tonight. That was a long two weeks without the NHL. I know it was just a weekend. They were only off for a weekend. They started back up again. Yeah, they gave him a three-day weekend and told them to get back on the rink.

Get back on the ice. It's just so crazy. It's like a year-round sport. Game one. Game one of the season tonight at September 29th. That's just crazy. My God. Here's the lineup.

Florida at Carolina. Montreal at Toronto. New York at Boston. These are all going to be on television somewhere. Vancouver at Edmental, Chicago, Las Vegas, Syracuse, Peterborough. Game one.

all over the league tonight. The pigs, of course, start on Thursday. You guys know how I am. I think I say this every year. I don't really get dialed into hockey until baseball season is completely over. I just don't think they should overlap, man. And then the weather's got to get a little dreary and miserable for me personally these days. Around Christmas, then I really get, you know, right. Yeah. Well, so as the football seasons and just full swing and then hockey is like 40, 50 games into it. And that sucks. It's a hell of a deal,

see Willie Miles. No. Some folks are, they're doing cartwheels. They're flies going up and down like a window shape. They love. Like how many folks do you think? Oh, 100.

Yeah. People love hockey around here, man. The season starts in 2026 and it goes until 2028. Yeah. One season? Shock. Let me ask you some questions. What's it?

How old do you hope to live? 100. What's the fastest you've ever gone on a bicycle? 100. Oh, my God. Oh, and Pigs defenseman Brock Faber is going to start the season on the injured reserve. Wait a minute. It's a head injury.

How did that happen? He got hitting the brain by a puck. In practice leading into the season? It was at a bar. No, I'm kidding. During their last preseason game, he took a puck to the noggin. Wait a minute. That's not good.

Was he wearing a helmet or not? Yeah, but it hit him kind of where the helmet sort of is and sort of isn't in the ear hole and the this and that. Those travel fast. Geez. Do you know how fast by any chance? How fast the puck was going? Yeah, I know how. It was going.

100 miles per hour. Oh, man. Yeah. They asked them to count to a thousand, and he only got out. to and they realize he had a So see, Willie, you're on maybe like what, once a week or once every two weeks. This will still be a bit the next time you're on. I hope so.

And it deserves it. Yes. I love it. I could listen to that interview over and over around a hundred times. Yeah, so Brock Faber, along with that goaltender old Phil Gustafson, they're both on the injured list to start the season. I mean, I took a little shot to the Skullini. I would imagine it won't be long. But you never know when you take a shot to the bean.

Start the season on Inj Reserve. My God. Even all that workout, all that practice, and then, yeah, you're sitting, buddy. And because of a practice game. Right. Stupid preseason. But I suppose you could take a puck to the skull at practice to, like, legit practice. Right.

You got the glorified practice and you've got the legit practice. Mistakes happen, accidents happen. Does everyone know a former NHO player by the name of Paul Bisonette? Sounds familiar. Sure. He's on TV now. You're thinking of the same guy? He's got a popular podcast. Spitting Chicklets.

Yes. Paul Bissanet, yeah, he's on that TNT hockey group who try to mimic the NBA guys. and I'm sorry to say they drop far short of that. But Paul Bissonette was on his podcast. Josh named it, Spitting Chicklets. He does not believe that the pigs are going to even get a sniff at the playoffs this season. You want my hot take of the century? How do you know it already?

I think the wild are going to miss the playoffs. I'm with you. You guys are haters. I think that they're going to get off to a little bit of a tough start. And I think that the Quinn Hughes noise is going to get loud. I just think it's a strong division. It's a strong conference. I think that they're riding the high of last year,

and now they got this daunting storyline coming in that Quinn Hughes wants nothing to do with him. Oh, my God. What is that all about? Quinn Hughes wants nothing to do with him. And that Canadian accent, I mean, it never gets tired. I like it. Conference.

I haven't heard anything about whether he wants nothing to do with him. That doesn't sound. That's his take. A feller by the name of Ryan Whitney disagreed. But there was another guy on the set that was agreeing with Bisonette, not sure who that was. But yeah. Bisonette went on to say they got maybe the best top four in the league in Weird Quinn, Faber,

Brodine, Spurgeon. I love their goalie. But, oh, pardon me, that's Whitney talking, the guy who. who was saying, you know, Bizzinette's got his head up his ass, they will make the playoffs. Bill Garen saw the clip of Bisonnet, Bisonette trashing the pigs' playoff chances. And the two of them are old bros, you know, so.

I understand Garen said something like, usually it takes someone that's been in the playoffs to comment on the clip. Is that the guy that does all the goofy stuff? Yeah. Usually it takes somebody that's been in the playoffs. to comment your army downstairs. He's lap tracking this thing. Yeah, it's, I guess he could say what he wants for his clicks and everything like that,

but we got 84 games to prove him wrong. It's on, Billy. Coming for you, Biz. There you go. There you go. That's, that's shade. I mean, I do agree with some of what Bizonet said. Who the F are their centermen?

Good question. You got Joel Erickson Eck. You know, and don't even bring up the freaking Detroit. kid again, because I'll lose my effing cool, but, you know, there looks to be some shortcomings offensively if you just look at the roster going into the season. Sure. No, I don't disagree. Zuccarello and what the hell was the kid, the kid Johansen, and there are some

contributors, the Russian kid, not that Russian kid, but the older Terracian. What the hell was the Russian kid who played? Tarasenko? The Russian man, Teresenko. Yes. So, we'll see. But that's cute. So, yeah, you know, I was kind of hoping that Bill Guerrin would lose his mind.

But they're old drinking buddies, so, you know, he's going to be cute about it. That was a really smooth kind of like your mama. Yeah. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. Hey, you, how would you know? They bust Bissanette's balls on that television show a lot. You know, whenever he kind of gets a little uppity, you got guys sitting on the panel like Wayne Gretzky, and they're like, what the hell would you know?

You were a cement head. You played, you were a fourth liner. Brough. It's spitting chicklets. It should have been spitting pucks. Mm-hmm. All right. Who the hell were we talking about earlier?

Oh, we were talking about Andrew Dice Clay. It's his birthday today. Oh, and she, Willie Miles was listening on his way in. You told us that back in the day, on back-to-back nights, you saw Andrew Dice Clay and then the following night you saw Sam Kinnison. Sam Kinnison. Whoa, wow. Back-to-back.

How did you survive? I did not. You died for a short of money time. It was absolutely, it was epic. You were a fan of both of theirs? Oh, 100%. Yeah. Wow, that must have been awesome.

Yeah, that was back in my comedy club days, you know. Yeah. So you do your set and then sit around and watch other? Or do your set to scurry across town and go see theirs. Oh, okay. So it wasn't at the same club? No, no. Okay.

No, no. They were not at the same club. It was two different nights. Awesome. It was back to back, and it was just, oh, my God. I'll never forget the first time I saw Sam Kinnison on David Letterman, and it was his television debut. Right.

And if I remember correctly, Dave Letterman said, he said something like, I don't know if you're ready for this, but we're going to, I mean, we're going to go ahead anyway. And Kinnison did the bit about love, and he opens the door and the devil's shoot. I mean, if you're a Kinnison fan of you know the bit I'm talking about. I couldn't believe what I was. seeing. I mean, both of those guys blew me out of the water from the word go. Yeah. They were legends at that time during their, that's 10 years stretched. They were unbelievable.

Yeah, they were. Josh, I mean, I'm not trying to put anybody to work, but I know for certain that you can find Kinnison's first appearance on Letterman on YouTube. It was like 1982. Right. And I mean, the truth was simply, This. No one had ever seen a comic like him before, ever, ever. And Kinnison gets to the joke right away about love if you want to bother looking it up. There's no swearing. It's national television, so. Exactly. The reason I bring up comics is a website called The Bleacher Report.

I don't know what, oh, I know what motivated them. New York, Knicks, Point Guard, Jalen Brunson hosted Saturday Night Live. I didn't see it. I understand he did well. like Carl Anthony Towns was there and McKell Bridges and O.G. Ananoby and Josh Hart and this and that, right? So that's what motivated the article. The top 10 funniest athletes ever.

Ever. They have an honorable mention here. Honorable mention goes to Tom Brady for being unintentionally funny because he's such an unhinged lunatic. Yeah, that's fair. They did have some funny reasoning for that, right? I would give the same honor to Karen.

because the nonsense that comes out of his yap is usually funny because it's unbelievable garbage. So I'd give an honorable mention to Karen, too. So here's where they go. I can't say that I really like this list of the 10 funniest athletes ever. Seems like there's some omissions there for sure. Oh, big time. Some pretty obvious ones. Number 10, Josh Hart to the New York Knicks, current player for the New York Knicks.

Number nine is a WNBA player by the name of Sidney Colson. She plays for the Las Vegas Aces. Now, they say she is taking comedy and stand-up classes, and she wants that to be her career when she's done with basketball. You know her? Yes. Hilarious. First thing I wondered when I saw this list,

I wondered, are television raster is going to be included? Good point. And they are. Oh, good. They called Dave Batista, the eighth funniest athlete to ever live. Man, that wouldn't be my go-to. But I do enjoy the man. Yeah, he's funny.

Number seven, the Durantula, Kevin Durant. Really? Yeah. Kind of always strikes me as a guy's got the personality of a paper towel. I agree. But they give him a lot of credit for, I guess, what a troll he is on social media. So again, like I said, I don't really like this. Kevin Durant's never made me laugh once.

Is he the player who's accused of having all these burner accounts and commenting on his own stuff? He searches his name and then comments on him from his burner account. I mean, it gets worse, really. Number six, LeBron James. Not funny. No, no, not at all. on. Number five, John Achena, and I say it in the delivery of the great Santina. Yeah, he's a funny guy. I don't know that I put him on of all time, but...

The fourth funniest athlete of all time is Marshawn Lynch? He is funny. He is hilarious. Yeah, yeah. He does a lot of stuff now, maybe too much stuff now, but he can be very, very funny. He's never made me laugh, but I guess I haven't seen. Three Charles Barkley, two, Shaquillo, Neil, one, Peyton Manning. So no Bill Walton. They must not have thought of this very deeply. No. Come on. Bill Walton.

Slow Newsday, they needed to put a post together. Bill Walton was a walking comedy show. Everything he said was hilarious. Very offbeat. Yeah. Bob Yooker. Oh, for sure. That's a great one.

I mean, come on. The guy was a friggin professional. Number one. How about Alex Karras? Well, he was mentioned in there somewhere, Randy Shab. Oh, he was. Okay. Or maybe it was commenters who threw him.

in after they read the article. Alex Karras had a couple of comedic roles, what, blazing saddles and whatnot. I mean, wasn't necessarily the funniest guy in the world. No. You remember, speaking of Letterman, do you remember an old Baltimore Colts who used to make multiple appearances? Oh, yes. The lineman.

Art Donovan. Art Donovan. Oh, my God, yes. And then we just talked recently about Blake Griffin. Right. Very funny guy. Yeah. Absolutely.

And then another unintentionaliener. funny character was brought up in the article, and that's Ricky Henderson. Ricky Henderson was out of his mind. Very unintentional. Yeah, he was not trying to be funny. Anthony Edwards is very funny. Oh, yeah. He's got a cool swagger about it.

I mean, I'm sorry to. Vernon Maxwell was hilarious. Vernon Maxwell was crazy. He was absolutely. His stories are absolutely insane. If you ever watch all the smoke, they literally have segments. literally have segments with him on it. I can believe it because he was a wild character.

He was wild. And nobody could control him whatever team he was playing with. He was so talented. You wanted him on the team, but you couldn't control him. Did Vernon Maxwell not walk off of the, he walked away from the Houston Rockets? Yes. Because he wasn't getting enough playing time.

And I think they were in the conference finals or something. He said, no, I'm not going to play. Yeah. And then they went to San Antonio. and he got an ultimatum. He said he woke up the next morning. He got traded and he didn't know. He thought what's his name was joking?

Well, I mean, I remember Vernon Maxwell scared me. Yeah, they partied. He was a scary guy. He partied, man. People are texting in with some local ones, Bert Blylevin. Oh, absolutely. We've talked about him many times before. Benchwormer Bob, Bob Lurtz him up.

Matt Burke, very funny guy. You know, and a lot of folks who commented on this story and said, Have you ever heard of Muhammad Ali for Christ's sake? My God. Muhammad Ali was brilliant, too. He had a great sense of humor. So dry. Muhammad Ali was built for it.

Man, wrote a funny poem about everybody he was going to be there. Exactly. Yeah, exactly right. That's talent. He was a poet. All right, there you go. You didn't happen to find that. Yeah, I haven't had time to, like, edit it or anything, but I could just play it from the beginning.

Just play it. Okay. Okay. Well, we're in for something now, folks. My next guest is making his network television debut tonight, and we believe it's long overdue. He is one of the strangest, and most original comedians working today.

Brace yourselves, I'm not kidding. Please welcome Sam Kinnison. He looks gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. There's still time to call the church and call all this off. I know a lot of you come here. You watch TV. You wait every night.

For somebody to come on here and give you an answer for your lives, waiting for someone that'll come and say, Hey, this is it. I don't have to settle for defeat anymore. I can rise up out of my routine. I can get a hold of myself. I don't have to lose. I can win.

There's something inside me. That's not going to let me go down anymore. But I'm not the guy. No, I don't have any answers for you. But I can tell you about one thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. You think you're safe, huh? You think you're safe? Do you think you're safe? What's your name?

Lou? Blue, you ever been married? Do you do any favor? If you ever think you want to get married, if you ever think you've met the right woman, you want to settle down, you want to get a house, you want to get a car, maybe raise a family. Do you in favor, will you, Lou? Remember this face. Because it's the face of your face every day.

If you ever married, are you married? What's your name? Bill? Tell him, show him the face. I'm trying to help. here I'm trying to do a good thing I was married for two years my life was so boring I actually worried about my yard rest of my friends had goals careers visions or doing things with the lives I was out there looking for crab grass weeds and stuff going I have a responsibility to the neighborhood there is a weed here and then that doesn't happen to

have kids you've seen those guys those guys in the malls with the strollers have you seen them with that look on their face like they envy the dead. Right around until he got to the love part, but you get the picture. Can you imagine regular people in 1982 tuning into? Thanks, Randy Schaber. You bet. We'll be back with more from world-renowned entertainers.

See Willie Miles here in a few minutes on the Half-Ass Morning Show. The 93-Hags Half-Ast Morning Show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming Up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70

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Half-assed morning show. 93X. I love women. I can't help, but I buy it every time love comes to me and goes, come on. Yes, this is love. Yes. Come on. Trust it.

I know. You've been in love me, but this is love. I wouldn't lie to you eight times in a row. Come on. Come on. Open the door. Let's see what we have for you. I know half America right now is going,

what are we watching? Yes, we have returned here on the half-ass morning show. It's 834. Sam Kinnison there from the David Letterman show many, many, many years ago. Yeah, we got the talking about the late great Sam Kinnison. Oh, wow. That was his first appearance ever on national television. scary it was frightening for a lot of people see willie miles has decided to join us this morning thank

you willie absolutely you know yesterday this time josh was a talking about a former co-worker here in the building a dude who was so good looking that josh would hang out with the guy at the neighborhood bar simply because women would flock to this guy like flies on feces well not simply because he was a friend of mine, but that was something we found out about him. Like, my goodness, he can attract a crowd of attractive women. It's very, very, very popular. And Cubby knew that the guy's good looks might give him a better shot at going home with a fly honey. There you go.

You have a great memory for past coworkers. A lot of the folks that you bring up, I don't remember them at all. It's been a lot, right? I don't blame you. Sometimes we'll get emails not. going so-and-so no longer works here and we have to go who's so-and-so but that's good you know people don't come in the office like they used to it's been a rotating door over the years but no i'm impressed by your ability to remember some of these people so cubby maybe you can tell me whatever happened to

the empty suit well i think he moved out of town for a little bit okay whatever happened to galatosis galatosis she still works in town um she's still doing the same thing she was doing here. Whatever happened to take a D? Take a D came back for a while and then left again. The reason I bring these people up is we've had a great time over the years creating derogatory nicknames for our co-workers.

I mean there was the fair-haired leader from the prairie. Yep. There was zero purpose one, zero purpose two, zero purpose three. Which got shortened to what? ZP1, Z-P. ZP2, ZP3.

There was the curse. The curse. So I love this bit so much. First off, if you listen to this year radio program, you know that I love a good nickname. I love a good creative nickname, whether it be derogatory or otherwise. Right. I'll admit it's even more fun when they're a little bit derogatory. But I was just reading some of the very creative derogatory nicknames that people have

have created for their coworkers. Now, I know this is nothing new. I think we had a similar conversation a few months ago, but this stuff is just so creative. I'm in love with it. Like, say, you have a co-worker that you've nicknamed newspaper. Do you want to know why, C. Willie Miles? Newspaper.

Why? Because they have a new issue every day. That's good. This list was recently barfed out by, I don't know who. And I know our listeners are going to get the text machine rolling because they have co-workers as well who they've dumped little funny nicknames on because of their personality or their lack of effort

or whatever it might be. Yeah, there's a couple that I've learned from listeners before on this list. It's just brilliant stuff. Yeah, it's really good. By the way, am I missing any other great nicknames that we had in the past? We covered quite a few here in this building. I'll have to think on that. Those are the ones that always come to mind first.

There's a couple I know that can't be said. Okay. But there's certainly a few more. Newspaper, because they have a new issue every day. Blister. They've nicknamed their co-worker Blister. Now, that's what I've learned from listeners. Go ahead.

Blister is turns up only once work is completed. Yes. They show up after all the work is done. Absolutely. Thought of another one. Huh. Huh. Oh, that's a great one.

That's a great one. Yes. I love to reminisce about, we used to work with this young guy he was very nervous very friendly kid but very nervous was it he began

everything he said in this building while he was here everything he said started with a if you asked him a question he would answer but first he would say and sometimes he would bookmark it any throw in at the very end of the home The bonus.

Right, right. If he was the first one to speak, it started with a ha-ha. And like I said, if he was answering a question, it started with a ha-ha. It was a weird little quirk, so we gave him the nickname of. Strap on? Oh, yeah, strap on. I don't remember the history behind that one. Okay, how about some more of these derogatory co-worker nicknames?

Oh, little jumbo. Oh, little jumbo, sure. Yeah. Wheelbarrel You might call your co-worker wheelbarrel Because he only works when pushed I don't know if I follow this one

Daisy Oh I get it now Daisy Because some days he's in And some days he isn't I'm ashamed to myself I didn't catch that right away Motion sensor

Only works when someone walks past them. Pothole. Yeah. You'll be working with pothole there today. They call them pothole because everyone avoids them at all costs. Seagull. Flies in.

Makes a lot of noise. Drops a load of crap on everything and then flies away. Couple more former co-workers. Here in the building? Yeah, bisexual gamer. she's reminded me this one, pillow fight. Oh, yeah. Then, of course, there was the gatekeeper.

We used to work every day with pillow fight and the gatekeeper. Tell everyone why his nickname was pillow fight. Because his hair always looked like he just wrapped up a pillow fight. Yeah, yeah. Look like he was fresh from a pillow fight. We've done well, I think, around here with our derogator. There's been some fun ones. Yeah.

All right. Here are some more general insulting nicknames that people have given their coworkers. Oh, I see one on the text machine right now. They nicknamed a guy Forskin because he only shows up. Oh, they call him Foreskin because he disappears when things get hard. Yeah.

Gotcha. There's old deck chair over there. Folds under pressure. Ghost. You hear people talk about them, but nobody's ever... You hear people talk about them, but nobody's actually seen them work.

Eclipse only shows up once every few years. Lava Lamp What about that one, Josh? Can you guess the reasoning behind that nickname Lava Lamp? Fun to watch but completely useless. Exactly. Yeah, a few people have text that one in too. I don't know what some of you are saying.

Boy, you're a sucker for this stuff. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. I worked with a lot of lava lamps. Have you worked with a lot of lava lamps? Fun to watch but useless. Okay. Absolutely.

V for Vendetta. We worked with V for Vendetta. Yes. That's a tough one. There was a movie out years ago called V for Vendetta, where the killer had a scary mask, but yet this coworker looked exactly like that spitting image. Spitting image of that scary mask, and you couldn't make it up. And it wasn't a mask.

People are reminding us about teen androthal. Oh, teen androthal. God, dang, that list is much longer than I originally thought. How about a guy called Periscope? Do I have this right periscope? He only pops up to see if the boss is watching. Oh, I see. So he's kind of looking down and then he looks around to see if the boss is.

Gotcha. Works in a cubicle. Yeah. Kind of maybe peers over the top of the... Is anybody looking? Anyone of authority? Oh, just the boss. Yeah.

Climate change. Wow. I mean, you got to really be a thinker to create that nickname. for somebody. Climate change. Everybody knows there a problem, but nobody does anything about it. That's really good. God. I like this one from retired Ice Girl, Sheezus. They got somebody they called gift card. He was late to accompany lunch because he was

out buying $1,000 in gift cards because he thought the boss told him to. It was a scam email he fell for and it was his first week at the office. Come on. That sucks. We get trained on those gift cards, don't we? We do. They talk about that. I mean, it's like a gift, really, when you have a co-worker like that. That's something we can talk about for years. Whenever the conversation goes dry, Dana can just tell the gift card story again. That's brilliant.

Spooner blows Jesus asks if pillow fight was a trick when he was a breakdancer. Yeah, good memory. Yep, that was his name when he was a break dancer. Yeah, we found out that trick grew up on the mean streets of Coon Rapids. My God. And this was in the... early 80s, so he and his neighbors, his neighbor buddies, developed their own breakdance club, right?

And of course, they couldn't go by their regular names because they're a break dance unit. Right. Yeah. They have to have street names, stage name. So he went by the name of trick. T-R-I-C. Yeah. And he had none.

You mentioned something, spooner blows? Yeah. This next derogatory nickname for a co-worker is Spoon because he's constantly stirring the pot. Nightlight. Not very bright, but good to have around when it's dark. I don't know if I understand that one. Maybe like fun to go drink with when it's after dark.

Oh. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's a bit of a reach, but I follow it now. Not the brightest some bitch, but after hours. He's a lot of fun. It's not bad to hang out. with. Okay. And

human break because he slows down every project. That is so much fun. Somebody said they work with a guy they call Monday because everyone hates Monday. Come on.

Oh yeah, this is what? Smoke rents, Jesus. This is another one I've learned from the Brotherhood. 007. Remember that? No. Zero work ethic, zero initiative, seven bathroom breaks. I could do this all day, but I think I'd blow off a spring here pretty soon. I'm telling you. I see all the text coming in.

Our listeners have created the following derogatory nicknames for their co-workers. E.T. because all he wants to do is go home. Rocking chair. We gave him something to do, but he never gets anywhere. Two-stroke. He's hard to get started and smokes all day. Love it. Game of Thrones because he's in the toilet more than he is on the floor.

C-section because he's afraid of labor. Now this is like a scientific medical term maybe here, Josh. This nickname that one of our listeners created for their co-worker. I mean, it sounds kind of like a medical diagnosis. Can't Stop a Talkis? This person has been stricken with Can't Stop a Talkis. one of our co-workers we nicknamed Popeye because everyone in the building

all they want to do is pop them right in the eye I work with a gal we called Caso because every time she speaks she says Kay so Lantern not very bright and always needs to be carried clitoris could never

find him yeah a lot of G spots same thing G spot people texting in that and Cuck because he loves watching me do his job. You guys are doing an outstanding, you're doing outstanding work with these names. Yeah, these are great. I friggin' love it. Remind us, see Willie Miles. Remind me, what was the last gig you held before you got into stand-up comedy? Hospitality. Oh, that's right. You were working at the hotel. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had a legendary career in the hospitality industry. Legendary.

Legendary. I opened the Mystic Lake Casino Hotel, the first wing of the hotel they ever had. Oh, he did? Yeah, yeah. Oh, cool. From cradle to grave is what they called it. From the ground up. I didn't build it myself. You were there for the grand opening. Yeah. No, I was there when they started digging a hole in the ground. Yeah.

And I ran it, did all the hiring, did all of the training, went to Disney University. That's how I became a Disney train to trainer. So I went to Disney River. No wonder you're so hospitable. Yeah, really. Yeah. You know how to talk to people. Absolutely.

Legendary. That's twice now. You referred to your own career as legendary. I don't know if I've ever heard that. It is. Somebody's got to step in. Exactly. I'm not ashamed to to tip my own horn.

All right. I was one of the few people that was a Disney certified train to trainer in the state of Minnesota. Very interesting. I had forgotten that. Yeah. But yeah, you worked in hospitality. Right. Some big hotels right down at the Radisson Riverfront down there.

Right down by the Excel. You must have seen some naked people. and whatnot. 100% Yeah, I bet you heard some stories, too. 100%. You ever have to

pick somebody up and throw them out the front door and tell them not to come back ever again? I had a couple squabbles. You ever have, like, an angry wife run into the hotel

looking for her husband? Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. And the husband's looking for the wives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever meet a lady

and rent a room? No. Oh. No, no, no. Got to get a naked lady out of an elevator once. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah.

Drump situation? She was worth, worth the work. And sometimes they say that and you go in there, you go, oh, my God, we could have just called the dog pound. But this one was, you know what I mean? Some people who are naked shouldn't be naked. Yeah. Usually, not in public. Yeah.

Usually people who are. are naked in public. Right. Are not who you want to see naked. What was a naked lady doing on an elevator? Well, she was knucking futz. Oh, gotcha. And she kind of had a little bit too much, whatever.

She was one or too many pills that made her a little wacky. And she couldn't figure out where her room was. She was running up and down the hallway, got in the elevator. The security girl, the lady I had was a female, and she needed help because she looked like she was an athletic trainer, and I'm thinking steroids made her a little bit. So I had to, yeah, I had to full body her. It's a muscular character. Oh, yeah, yeah.

She was not easy to get to the ground, but thank God. You were motivated. I was motivated, yes. Well, I'll tell you what, see, Willie. We always appreciate your company. This here, I think, brings to a close another legendary episode of the 93X-Hapass 40. Because like you said, no one else is going to say it. I might as well say it myself.

Thank you, C. Willie. Oh, thank you, guys, for having me always. Yeah, great to see it. 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me.

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