93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Exploding Anus

Episode Date: September 18, 2026

Originally Aired  September 18, 2026: Who needs patience, when you have a gun? When you're sliding down the slide and your balls collide. Everything you've ever wanted to know about my big fat roasted pumpkins seeds.   Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93X-Hathears morning show. 90. 93. Don't take this personal, but I hate that your desk is next to mine. When you peer over the cubicle, I'd consider taking you life.

Bitch, I want to do you. I hope you get hit by a... Sure, I agree with all that. I agree with every word said right there. F you. F Ollie is until Monday. It's our F off day. Hopefully yours too.

It's a Friday rendition of the 93X Halfass Morning Show. Load up the coolers, Cubby. I heard the old air horn there. Tonight's the night. You might need a boat to get to the boat, but tonight's the night. Load them up.

We got ourselves a boat party. If you were one of the suckers who bought a ticket to tonight's Rock the River bang boat, we'll see you there. She's set sail at 7 o'clock sharp Don't be late

We wait for nobody Thanks to Paddleford Riverboats Anytime bail bonds The live band Who will be cutting loose on the boat Rock Brigade Thanks to those boys and girls I'm not sure what the mix is

I haven't seen them yet Thanks to the lookout in Maple Grove They're bringing the food Without those people There would be no boat party Yeah, it's going to be wetter than an otter's pocket. I'm excited about that. She's going to be a rainy day, possibly into the evening.

But like we mentioned yesterday, there's a lid on that pig. There's a lid. Once you're on, no big deal at all. We're going to be just fine. So there you go. 7 o'clock sharp. We're off to navigate ourselves around the Mighty Mississippi. Did I miss anything else involving the boat?

That's everything. I can't. You're not going to make it, though, you said. I wish I could be there. Gall, darn it. You know, something's always in the way. No, of course I'll be there. Liquid Steel Jesus, we're looking forward to seeing you as well.

Thank you for the nice text. Yeah, it ought to be something. It ought to be something. Yeah, love it. I love these boat cruises. The fall one, I prefer a little more simply because it's 10 minutes from my house versus a day and a half to get to still water. Ain't that the damn truth?

Get a band on this one. The band? We have a band on this one. The band. Yeah, the band's going to be on this one. The food is better. You know, we get it catered. It's a good time.

Beautiful, beautiful. I want to thank you again, Josh, for the wonderful birthday gift yesterday. If you missed it, Josh gave me a unicycle for my birthday. And some of you might be saying, what are you joining the circus? It's something that I've expressed an interest in over the years. And Josh is one of those people who remembers everything. So he remembered that I had brought up a unicycle from time to time. More often than not, I think I brought up the idea of putting my pet monkey on a unicycle

and teaching it to smoke cigarettes and drink beer. And it could lead every parade at the state fair from now until the day that I... But so he remembered me mentioning the unicycle, got me one for my birthday. I built the pig in the garage yesterday. Great, that's awesome. I connected the this to the that. Easy enough? It wasn't so bad.

Just a couple of parts on that. I put her all together. And then I went for it. And I got to tell you, within 10 seconds, maybe more like five, my carcass was sent crashing down to the garage. Oh, no. I thought you were going to say you figured it out. Oh, hell no.

my sorry once wonderfully athletic body was sent crashing to the floor of my garage and I landed hard. Oh, no. So let me tell you, my first attempt was a colossal gong show. I just now, once I got to work here, something I should have done yesterday. But I was in too much of a hurry I got excited. I just now, before we went live, I was looking at some videos on YouTube as to how to get started in learning to drive one of those unicycles. So I have a little bit better idea now the next time I try. So I'm going to keep working on it, but I'm telling you, that was the hardest hit I've taken in years.

I was hoping that wouldn't happen. You know it's bad. I knew it was going to happen. Well, who didn't? You know it's bad, Josh. when the dog sniffs you to check to see if you're alive. Oh, dude. That's a sign.

Are you okay now? Where's the guy that feeds me? How I did not dislocate my left shoulder or maybe pop that collarbone out of place, I don't know. But that's not going to discourage me because once I got it built, yeah, the excitement took over. What were some of the tips they gave you? And did you do those on your own? No, no, no. Like I said, I only looked up those videos.

this morning here before we went live. That's how I was saying. Like, was there anything on there? You thought, oh, yeah, I did that yesterday. This is just what I have to work on. I only had, you know, 30 seconds to kind of look at these YouTube videos before we went live. And it showed, and I didn't have the sound on. So it showed some total dork sitting on his unicycle with two tall chairs to his left and right.

So he could hang on to those chairs as he's just beginning to learn. how to balance himself. And then it showed a video, Josh, of a guy on a unicycle also looked like a complete nerd. He was, he looked like he was inside a roller hockey arena. And so he's hanging on to the boards as he navigates the outer ring of the roller hockey floor. You see what I'm saying to you? So he's hanging on to the boards as he's, I'll come up with. something. I know I don't have any roller hockey rinks in my neighborhood, but I'll come up with

something. Last night, what I did, actually, the first time I got on the unicycle, I was hanging on to the bed of my pickup. I was balancing myself with one arm. How I crashed so horribly, I don't know. I mean, my first time. But yeah, I thought I had myself quite balanced with one arm on the bed of my pickup truck, but that didn't save me. I went down skis. Good Lord. I'm worried about me now. I made enough noise. I made enough noise to I thought for sure the wife was going to come into the garage and say, what the hell was that? She's preemptively calls 911, doesn't even go and look on you.

There's a guy in the garage. He's tried to use a unicycle. He's 55. Is there a way they could put like a wheel on the front of it, maybe some handlebar so you could hold on and be a little more stable? That's been done. Really? Describe that again to me? So you have your unicycle. It's got a wheel

in a seat. Right. Is there a way maybe they connect it with a bar? There is a wheel in front of you and some handlebars you can hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, that's a bicycle. Yeah. Oh, my God, you're right. That's been done.

Yeah, I have one of those. That was stupid. I brought that idea up years ago to a fellow I know named Schwinn. Oh, he did? Yeah. We'll call it the Swift Walker. Donnie Schwinn. Do you remember it was originally called the Swift Walker?

No, I did not know that. The bicycle. That was the first name. So there you go. I'll be back. There's a Twin Cities Unicycle Club. Yeah, Josh mentioned that, I think. Yeah, Josh said there's like multiple.

I know you mentioned one in Egan. I'm looking at this one right here. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, there's a couple of them. I'll tell you what, Dana, right now they don't want me. Always thinking they could teach you. Yeah, they could whip you into shape. I'll give them a telephone call.

I saw little kids doing it. You could do it. I'll give them a telephone call. I would say the guy that kind of led it, the teacher or whatever he was, he was way older than we are. I mean, he was definitely in his 60s, but he's probably been doing it for a while. He's been doing it since he was six. Our gym teacher in elementary school would occasionally roll his unicycle into the gym class.

And my God, you would have thought he was Superman or God. We thought he was so cool. Oh, I still think it's a cool skill. Yeah. But when you're nine years old and he's like bouncing up and down on the thing and you're cheering your ass off, you think it's, you think you're seeing magic. Yeah, the guys that go forward a little bit, back a little bit. Thanks for the advice from our listening audience. Used puck bag, Jesus said, you can go ahead and get yourself a training wheel.

there is a unicycle training wheel, similar to what kids use on their bicycles. What else does this say? This is good advice. Well, maybe not. One listener is texted in to say, while you're learning to balance yourself on that unicycle, you should use a walker. I think the walker is going to come afterwards, actually. Yeah, it might lead to that.

I'll end up using a walker. Well, I'd be pretty heartbroken if you got hurt. I figured you'd be pretty good at this thing. You'll figure it out. If I get hurt, I'm not going to blame anybody but myself. and you. Wait a minute. All right.

So there you go. That's my unicycle update. Now I'm going to be worried about you. No reason to be worried. I hope Nick's not on the garage floor right now. I won't stay there too long. Yeah, he's pooped on that thing before. Well, that was a different house.

Different house you pooped on the garage floor. Like an animal. You had no choice. It was. I was like a bear in the woods. Yep. You had absolutely no choice. Now I've got to tell the poop in the garage story, don't I?

You probably should. God help us. Yeah, this was many, many years ago living in a garbage townhouse and a garbage town. Only one bathroom, but that was okay because it was just me living there. But, you know, woke up one morning, had some complete stranger in bed with me. Nice. And what did she do? Yeah, she hopped up out of bed.

Took a shower, right? And she got herself into the shower. And I got up out of bed and had an immediate code brown. I got to go now. And she's in the shower and she's in the shower and she's in the shower. And minutes felt like hours, Josh. You know what I mean? I got to get something done.

And there's nowhere to do it. This gal is in my shower. Didn't know her well enough. Well, God, even if I'd known her for 30 years, there's no way I would have got. You guys know how I feel about that. So it was, there was no turning back. It's got to happen now. So I went down two flights of stairs to my garage,

laid out some newspaper on the floor like he would do. That's all I could think of, Josh. I laid out some newspaper on the friggin floor like you do for a puppy. And as a grown man, I took a sh on my garage floor. Now, if I remember you telling the story right, Didn't she notice something had happened? There was no physical evidence. I wrapped it up.

It lingered. I wrapped it up. All nicely nice. A little present. Put it in the trunk of my neighbor's car. And then, yeah, I don't know, maybe half hour later, she says, well, you ought to give me a ride home. And when we got into the garage, she said, oh, my God. Did a grown man just crap on some news space?

paper in here? She says, what is that smell? Oh, God. What smell? And I said, I don't know. Let's go. Oh, my God, dude. Hey, I always enjoy this gimmick. What I have setting in my greasy hands right here. And now people are texting in. Didn't you also take a dump in your neighbor's shed? Yes, I did. I'll tell that some other time. We can't do back-to-back. Yeah, that was the same neighborhood. Yeah, I I had to take a dump in my neighbor's shed. I always enjoy this gimmick. When we get to talk about the National Toy Hall of Fame every year, this time of year, they dump their 12 finalists on us for the latest class.

I think it's how they say it. There are 12 finalists here for the National Toy Hall of Fame. The winners will be voted on toy industry experts vote. The public can vote on a website. If you care enough, go ahead, ask me. I'll tell you about that website. So 12 finalists, they will end up announcing three winners in November. So every year we get to roll through these finalists for the National Toy Hall of Fame.

And here they are. They start with bingo. Bingo. Yeah. That's fun. That's one where I would have thought, I would have thought that would have been voted in years ago. Bingo is, it's an all-timer. I could do that all day.

I could do it for about two hours. Oh, I absolutely love it. I don't know how the hell you could sit there for. All right, so Bingo is a finalist. I got high hopes for that. Hey, you know, that might be, that might be my thing in the future. calling it or playing it calling it that's nerve-wracking you don't want to screw it up i'm not scared i'm not scared of those old folks not at all

who screwed it up at our bingo event was it dr p or somebody or shaver somebody screwed something up and it really pissed people off i remember you guys telling me that shaver said the wrong number once or twice that'd be my fear is that people are so so particular yeah but whatever they'll get over it i'm not afraid of these old folks. They get uppity about it. I know that. I can't remember the specifics of when we were doing bingo at the Wise Ed Allegiance. Yes, somebody called them. They were going to run them out of town. Yeah, they can stuff it up their ass is what they can do. But yeah, you know, I volunteer at the Wise at Allegion back in the kitchen on broasted chicken night. You know, I cook up the chickens. But I got to tell you,

Cubby, I'm starting to feel really lazy about that. I've been doing it for years and years and years. And I'm starting to feel really lazy about it. So, but I still want to volunteer. I do. That's what we do as sons of the American Legion. That's our goal is to volunteer, raise as much money as possible. So I might ask, well, I don't have to ask anybody. I might announce my retirement from the kitchen, but I still want to volunteer. So maybe I'll see if they need someone to call bingo. Yeah, that'd be fun. I'll go watch you put on a show. Thanks, Cubby. Also in the national, well, at least a finalist for the National Toy Hall of Fame. Pop it.

That was a fun one. Oh, yeah. Pisses me off. It does get frustrating. Bop it. I don't know. That some bitch is probably 20 years old or so. Twist it.

25 years. Hasn't been around that long. Pretty impressive that it would already be considered for the Toy Hall of Fame. Care Bears. My sister had a couple of those. I used to love those when I was younger. That's one of those that people were killing each other over. Care Bears.

They're just so. adorable. Mahjong? How do you spell it? I'm not... M-A-H-J-O-N-G. I'm not... I've heard the term.

Mahong? Mahjong? Oh, that sounds familiar. Yeah, that little game. It kind of reminds me of Dominoes. Oh, that sounds familiar. Mahjong, yeah. It's like Domino's?

It just reminds me that it has like those little tile... Never saw it. Never had to say it either, obviously. Monster High dolls. Also, I'm unfamiliar with the dolls from Monster High. Those are relatively new because they were like a spin-off of Brat dolls in a way. Like they kind of like took their, uh, their gimmick from them. They were the spinoff of who?

Like Brat dolls. So Brat dolls were like the naughty party girl version of Barbies. Oh. Noddy party girl version. I've never heard them describe that way. No, that's perfect though, actually. Because when you look at Barbie, you know, she's got her nice little dress. going to go to the grocery store and buy some flowers and then go feed her dog.

And then these brat dolls are like tube top miniskirt going out on the town. They're brats. Yeah. They're not going to the grocery store to buy flowers. They're going to sex world. Yeah. Can you guess what one I had growing up? Oh, I think we know.

The brat dolls, she says. Okay, that one's a new one. The board game mouse trap. Oh, my God. That's a fun game's fun. Never played it. Kind of a pain in the butt to set up. It's fun.

Well, we never actually played the game. we just set it up because it's that big like Rube Goldberg machine where the marble hits this and goes down that slide and we would just set it up and watch it go. We never actually like rolled the dice for whatever you do to play the actual game. It is pretty cool.

Same here, Dana. Now that I think about it, I have no idea how to play that. Nobody knows the rules. Everybody just sets it up and has fun with it. Never saw it, Mouse Trap. I remember the ads on television, but does anyone remember the video game?

Mouse Trap. Oh. Mm-mm. I think I have the right name. Mousetrap. Are you looking it up, Josh? It's a game from 1981. Okay, I'll go along with it. So it is called Mouse.

It's like a maze video game. Yes. Oh, it's kind of like a Pac-Man knockoff. Okay, I got the right title, though. Yep. Mouse trap. When we were living up at St. Cloud State, this was, St. Cloud State is how you say it.

This was quite a scene. A friend of mine got a hold of a real deal, Mousetrap, arcade game. The real deal, big old case. Cabinet. Cabinet with the television and heavier than balls. But that was kind of a cool feature to have at our house. Hell yeah.

Drink beer and... I'd love an arcade game. Play a real deal arcade game. But purchases like that, I try and look into the future a little bit. Like say, okay, what if I had it right now? Would I go play it? And chances are I wouldn't. Whatever it is, I think about that.

You mean, to have one in your home. Yeah, like, okay, let's say I had one right now. You know, like I'm trying to decide if I'm going to make the purchase. I'm like, nah, I probably would. And I'd go watch TV or do something different. Right. Wouldn't use it. Yeah, but those kind of things, they kind of just draw you in once you have them.

Like, once you start doing it, I can see you getting like really obsessed with it and going home every day and playing it. Possibly. I don't know. So we had this mousetrap arcade game at our house up at St. Cloud State University. And it was fun, but it would piss dudes off. You get a little drunk, you're young, you run too hot, and it was causing a few of us to have complete meltdowns because they're almost to the final round, whatever they lose.

One day, I leave, I don't know where the hell I went, I come back, and this full-on 800-pound, what did you call it again, Dana? The cabinet. it full on the whole it was completely destroyed in the front yard it was turned into dust it was the biggest piece I could find it was bashed with a baseball bat the biggest piece was probably the size of a quarter someone got so pissed he and a couple other guys drug it out in the front yard and killed it with a baseball bat's an office space printer style it was like two feet high rubble Oh, that breaks my heart

As a man who loves classic video games And arcade games That breaks my heart to picture that Dana, as somebody who you go to Arcade Still Yeah, uh-huh The game that seemed to have the most rage Surrounding it was Golden T, that's what I've noticed

I never really saw people freak out Too much at other Arcade games What about in your experience? You go way more than I mean It's more just people aren't playing competitively Or getting too into it's more just for fun of the arcade I go to

I haven't seen any complete meltdown maybe sometimes on Papa shot. I've seen some people get mad when they're going one-on-one against somebody. Oh, really? I haven't seen anybody freak out over Papa Shot. I've never had to freak out over Papa Shop because I'm that damn good. Definitely Golden Tea.

All right, here's what else. Is at least a finalist for the 20 and 26 National Toy Hall of Fame? Pokemon trading cards. Isn't this what's causing all these meth heads to break into game shops and whatnot? Polly Pocket.

I know a DJ named Polly Pocket. Oh, really? She's a famous DJ at Ohio State University. She's one of my old high school friend's daughters. If you ever go to Ohio State and you want to see a hip DJ show, you go see Polly Pocket. A Polly Pocket, that sounds like what the Brats Dolls would buy at Sex World, doesn't it? It sounds kind of dirty. You've got to pick up one of those Polly Pockets.

I would love to chew on one of those Polly Pocket shirts right now. I remember you saying that you used to put the Polly Pocket toys in your mouth? Yeah, and then the ones I had when I was a kid, they were from a certain, I guess, I don't know, a certain time period. And they got recalled for lead. My mama took them all away from me. You used to put the dolls in your mouth? Yeah, like the, well, specifically, their little clothes, like their little shirts, little shorts, little shoes. How old were you at this time?

Anywhere from like five to ten. People will text in. There'll be a couple texters that will agree with me. something weird. They just, they were perfect to chew on. I don't know why. Oh, good between your teeth. Hey, Coby. Yeah. When you're sliding down the slide and your balls collide, what do they call that? A rupture? That's called a rupture. The slide is a finalist for the Toy Hall of Fame. The thing on the playground, you sit down, you go shooting down to the... Quite the variety of slides. I mean, there's some that'll kill you, some that'll burn the heck out of you.

Do you guys remember that viral video? that would around her the cop going down that slide. Oh, man, that guy still hasn't landed. Yeah, it was like a dangerous slide. It was like Chicago or some type of city. And people were complaining about how the slide was dangerous. And so he was like, I'll prove to you that, you know, it's a safe slide. They videotaped him going down and he like broke his arm or something.

I can't. It was tragic. You're right. Ashley, and also my daughter just text. And she said she used to chew on her polypockets too. Yep, slaps. I don't have to go get one to chew on. The slide.

We used to have a really sketchy one in our neighborhood. It was at the Silver Lake Beach or Park or whatever, and it was metal. It was pure metal. And it was pretty tall. And so you'd go fast and you would also get like third-degree burns going down that thing. Oh, yeah, those are the ones we had in the playground when we were growing up. Yeah, they finally took it down a couple years ago. Can I tell you, can I tell you?

Can I tell you a horribly mean, terrible story about this slide at my grade school? It's terrible. Yeah. I do feel sort of bad about it. When we were sixth graders, there was these really cheap gumballs that we could buy. Down the hill from our grade school, there was a Ben Franklin. So, you know, we'd get to school early or we'd skip out. skip out of class and you can just run down a hill to the Ben Franklin buy some candy and come back

sometimes during recess we would escape the playground and go down and buy some candy and come back and the teachers never knew we were gone but there was a certain style of gumball they were they would cost a penny for a hundred of them or something and they were delicious but they when you would chew them when you would eat them they would create this unbelievable thick slime in your mouth. There was something about the sugar or whatever was in these gumballs where Josh, I ain't kidding you. If I ate three, four of them, I could spit and it would just hang.

You know what I mean? And when you were a fifth or sixth grade kid, that's hilarious stuff. So here's what we would do. We would all put four or five of these gumballs in our mouth, like seven or eight of us. And we would work up this unbelievable, thick, sticky, slime in our mouths, and then we would all spit down the slide. So the slide was coated with like an inch of this thick, sugary snag. And then we would sit and wait for the bell to ring for the kindergartners to run out to the

playground. Oh, no. And then we'd watch that first kindergartner excitedly get to the top of the slide and go, yay! and then look back at his pants and go, because his ass was covered in all of the... Oh, man. Bullies? That spit thing you were talking about.

That's no joke. Did you guys, I'd imagine, have contests, too, where you'd see how far you could get that huge thing down and suck it back up? Oh, that was a fun game. There's actually, like, that is one of my top, like, it's got to be in the top three, like most hated things in the world.

Oh, really? That spit thing that people do. There's a stupid movie. It's like a... Adam Sandler's in his time, Nick. Yeah. And there's a scene where that happens with, like, ketchup. The kid, like, gets it to the ground.

Dude, I want to vomit. We had a kid in our class that there's nobody could ever beat him. His talent was incredible for that. It was a masterpiece in disgustingness. We could keep going with this, yeah, but people are probably squirming in their seat. Okay, let's wrap up the other toys that are finalists for this year's. National Toy Hall of Fame. They wrap it up with the board game

Sorry. That's a fun one. Never played it. Oh, really? No. Tickle Me Elmo is in the running again this year. And Yotsie. Love that one too. Love Yotsie.

I don't know why the hell isn't Yotsie already in the toy hall. So like I said, they'll be voting. They'll announce the three winners in November. Tickle Me Elmo was also nominated last year but didn't make it. The three that didn't. make it last year, battleship, that's a blast, slime, and trivial F-Me-Running Sideways

pursuit. That's a fun game, but, you know, we used to play as a family, and the adults would just dominate. So really, like all the politics ones and things like that, they'd know the answers, so you just kind of sit back and go, well, yeah, this is fun. Maybe you'd get a sports or entertainment one right every once in a while. My wife and I played the game against each other a couple times last winter just out of sheer boredom and she narrowly defeated me. I think both times we played. And yeah, it's the same song and dance as it was when we were young. I could get a few sports and entertainment.

Questions correct, but I mean like geography and history, I have no stinking idea. And you know what the real bad streak of luck was for me, Josh, when I was playing against my wife, is when I desperately needed that sports and entertainment. question. Like maybe I'm one chip away from victory, right? And my dice or however you play it, lands on sports and entertainment. And then the question was horse racing. Or the javelin competition at the Olympics in 1936. It's like, come on. You couldn't ask me if you were so close. There's not a Jerry Rice or a Scotty Pippin question in there somewhere. No, it had to be horse. And then I, of course, I wouldn't get it right. And then the wife, and then she'd win.

going back to the video game freakouts at arcades. I never would have considered this one, but we got a lot of attacks on Big Buck Hunter. Oh, for sure. From folks saying, no, I hit that thing. That's so stupid. They're more mad at the game than, you know, the people they're playing with. I haven't seen a freak out on Big Buck Hunter, but boy, that was fun for a while. That's all right by me, that Big Buck Hunter.

Hey, before we go, today is a special day. It's tradesman's day. Something special for all you grunts who build things for. us. We sure appreciate it. I'm jealous of your skills. That's how they make their living. They're tradesmen and tradeswomen. Just a little heads up, a little later on. We're going to cover an article that features tradesmen arguing over why their trade is superior to all the others. This is always fun. This is one of the most spirited arguments we've ever had on our text machine. So if you feel like it right now, and this is something we'll get to later, if you feel like

it right now, 651-989, nope, 651-551-93-93, feel free to, if you're a tradesman or a tradeswoman, feel free to text us on why your trade is superior to the others, because that conversation we will be having later on this morning. Why is your trade superior to the others? We've got to take a break. Stupid news coming up next. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey podcast friends, it's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. I think you should join me.

I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tuneup or double dip and save $140 if you add the AC tuneup as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard Heating and Air Conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-E. It's football season on Polymarket. trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos.

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Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. We've got to kick it in the ass here with this stupid news report. A few people have been texting in already. 651-551-9-8. It's twice today. That's tough to do.

6-5-1. Don't tell me. 551-93-93. We're working on this new telephone number. Today I'm struggling with it, obviously. A few people have been texting in. saying they're excited to come on the bullet later on tonight. Yeah, we're looking forward to seeing you.

7 o'clock tonight, don't be late. Rock the river. Oh, here's a text right here that just popped in that says, Rock the River, protect your liver. You see where they're going with that, Josh? Yeah, good advice. I mean, back in the day, that was more of an issue, but it sure can be.

Here's a text on tonight's bolt party. First time coming to a 93X event. Looking forward to meeting you guys. Will Nick do a post-burst? they shot with me. Absolutely not. Nick does not do shots. He's not a shot guy. Whenever anybody offers me a shot, I say,

is it 1988? I see some people get kind of aggressive and offended when you turn it down. Oh yeah. You've never been a shot guy. That's always weird. That's a thing. Yeah. The people who buy you a shot without you asking, and then if you turn them down, they act as if you just

kicked their baby down a set of stairs or something like that. So thank you for the offer, but no, I will not be drinking. a shot with anybody tonight. He'll be too high. You don't want to mix those two things. Oh, God. Today's report, if you want, we can joke around for a minute about that foot-loving crowd. The folks who get turned on by the smell and the taste and the texture of a big old foot.

I don't get it, but, you know, there's all types out there. I'm not against it in any way, but I don't know why. Like, Ashley, you're repulsed by this kind of thing. Yeah, I'm not a fan of feet. I don't know how people can like feet. I don't even like my own. Some people like the lick feet. Some people like a stiff kick to the nuts.

Spit. People are into spit. Arm pits. Heard about the armpit thing. Blood! What? Ashley. Who would like that?

Have you grown out of that phase yet? I don't like to yuck anyone's yum. She does. Yes, she does. We all know that's one of her favorite things. Yep. It concerns me a little bit. Like, what if you bleed out?

What if something terrible happened? What if you get an infection? Well, that's a different ball game. Infection. Infection's a little. I hope, I mean, I hope no one's going to be bleeding out. It's not that deep. Thank you, Josh.

Josh just printed me out in bold letters, our new phone number. I thought it might be helpful. That's funny. Big bold letters. 651-551-93-93, you dumbass, he says. I didn't put that on there. Stop it. Some people like to lick and smell and suck on a big old foot. There's something out there for everyone and they mommel.

Is it where some people might just want their feet worship to? I guess I've always heard about the people that are into it and want to do things to and with feet. I'm not sure what you're asking? Like the person who has the feet, right? That are being worshipped. Is that a kink too? Like, you will worship my feet. Well, sure.

Yeah, I've accident or I guess I've been like watching a video before in an adult film. And I don't expect there to be any feet stuff. And then there's feet stuff. And it seems like the person with the feet that are being used inappropriately is having a good time. They're really into it. Yeah, very into it. Yeah, sure, Josh. I mean, to watch someone lick.

and suck on your disgusting, crooked, broken feet. Yeah. The person with the feet, as you said, they probably get a rise out of that because it's disgusting. It's degrading. Yeah, that definitely has to be part of your lawyer than you. You're my slave. You are my sub.

I am the dom. You are the sub. What's wrong with you? Why would you do that? Dirty animal. Get down there and suck on my feet. Suck them! This person says you can tell a lot by a woman's feet.

If they're on your shoulders, she loves you. Yeah, I'd imagine that's a sign, isn't it? I was scared for a second. I don't have the prettiest feet, so I thought, oh, no. You don't? No. I bet they are adorable. No, they're kind of rough.

I bet they are top 10 feet of all time. I don't, uh, I shoes aren't my favorite things. I walk around outside barefoot all the time, so yeah, they're calloused. We can laugh and joke around about dirty toe-lickers and whatnot, but this here story does take a serious tone. It's a warning. A warning to the public. Nothing around here, thankfully.

It's out there at freaking stupid England. A notorious neighborhood foot sniffer is getting turned loose from the local jailhouse. Dude goes by the name of Alexander. or something or another. He's only up to 24 years old and he's already well known in town for sniffing feet. He's been arrested multiple times.

I got to warn you now, this gets scary. It says here, specifically, Alexander likes to huff the feet of the young girls in town. Yeah, you got to keep him behind bars. He sniffs them, he touches them. It says here, he walks up on the junior high gals

and whatnot. he engages them in conversation about their feet or they shows. I mean, you know, 13, 14 year old kids, they love to talk about shoes. Yeah, and how fast they make them go. You know, or if it's a girl, and that's what this guy's after. He's after the young girls. You know, young gals, at least it's my assumption. They like to have fancy, cool shoes, right?

So anyway, this guy engages the kids in conversation about their feet. or their shoes, and then once he's earned their trust, he'll quick grab their feet. And then he presses him up against his face. Come on, man. And he takes a deep inhale, and then he runs like the wind. Poor kids. So confused.

They said they've never seen anyone run that fast. And my guess is, Josh, the quicker he gets home, the quicker he can cut loose with the jacking off. I'm sure. why he runs so he can't wait to get home to uh probably starts when he gets about a block away this stupid bastard's been in the cooler a number of times already for this he's been charged with sexual assault but he's on his way out of jail now so the local police are telling everyone to brace themselves the cops have dumped a few flyers around town so folks know who to be looking

out for question yes if they have to issue a state like that, is it reasonable to assume they believe he's going to offend again? Yeah. So why is he not in a facility somewhere? I would imagine, Josh, he is out by way of a technicality. You know how it goes? Like certain parameters of time are assigned to certain offenses, right? It's a techicality.

Or the world just sucks. A tech what? Maybe you'll find this interesting. One of the prior times where Alexander was busted for foot sniffing, investigators found his DNA on one of the poor gal's shoes, one of his victims. I don't think it's that DNA. I don't think it's... No, if he's putting it near his face, it's probably like a snag.

A bugger or something, yeah. The cops have seized his cell phone once or twice over the years, and they say he keeps a lot of foot porn on that telephone. But like I said, they've seen fit to turn this guy loose from jail now. What is foot porn just like hump and feet somehow? Like what is that? Just imagine anything that you could do to a foot. That's foot porn.

Like cut it off and pretend it to telephone. Anything, John. Huh. Yeah. I wonder what how my wife's... Some guys like to finish on a foot. What were you going to ask? Yeah.

Got to have good aim. for that. What were you going to ask? I wonder if I just went home. My wife who's no longer interested in me sexually. I wonder if I brought this up like, hey, what if we brought some footplay into the bedroom? Would that rekindle things or something? Or if she'd think I was a complete psychopath. You'd be the only one to answer that question. She's pretty laid back. That might weird her out, though. She's not really in defeat. She'd do anything for you. Maybe. She's, like I said, she's very laid back. I think she'd give it a try for you. She would do anything for you. She's got nice feet.

Let me just state this again, Josh. She does. You are the best thing that's ever happened to her. I don't know if she agrees or even I agree with that. You settled. That's not true. All I want some foot stuff is what I'm saying. Without you, they're living in a spider hole.

There might be something to that. A spider hole. So she'd do anything for you. So it won't take too long. This Jay Brone will be back locked up. no time, like Josh said. The cops are handing out flyers, warning people. Look out for this some bitch. It's because they know

he's going to do it again. And those poor young gals, they probably are, they'll never again be able to leave the house wearing sandals, flip-flops because of what this guy's done to them. Yeah, you get to wear work boots. Can't we just round up all the foot sniffers and put them in some

big facility and then of them to just sniff each other's feet until the end of time not be our problem anymore? Well, let's not lump this. Let's not lump all footstifers. sniffers in with this guy. I'm talking about the people like this guy that will go and sniff other people's feet that don't want their feet to be sniff. Well, yeah, we can try to do that. There's all kinds of different people we need to bury under the jail. I'd love to say... Isn't that what Australia was set up for? Isn't that what it used to be? Like, ah, the criminals

will send them Australia? Australia. Or was that just something they told us as kids? I've never heard that before. Speaking of kids, it is fun when they're... Ashley, you're going to love this with my nephew. When you get them new shoes and you tell them it makes them faster. and they believe you? And you just start to praise them. Like, you picked up a couple of MPHs right there with these brand new shoes. They're so excited. I can't wait.

They're so stupid. Little kids? Little kids. Oh, yeah. They think if they light up it makes them go even faster? Oh, yeah. Nothing. What, did your parents play that trick with you?

No, we played it on our kids. Oh, yeah, when I was a kid, when my dad would, when, I don't know, once or twice, my brother and I got new tennis shoes. and we were thrown by this. You know, my brother and I, tiny little kids, he would tie the tennis shoes to the bedpost and say, we got to make sure these some bitches don't just up and run away. These are freaking fast.

These are the fastest shoes on the market. My brother and I would sit there and say, well, my God, I had no idea. So you mean when I go to school tomorrow, I'm going to be the fast? Oh, yeah, you'll be faster and piss. Yeah, you'll go. So sweet. You tie him to the bedpost. All right.

Here we are, September 18th. Get ready for Ashley to bust a spring. Halloween dork that she is. This here is our first Halloween-related story of the season. It says here, parents who hang out online all day, they're warning each other about a talking Halloween pumpkin that's available out there, summers on the internet for sale. It's like a plastic pumpkin for your front step or whatever.

It talks. I got to admit, when I saw the video, it's got kind of a cool vibe to it. The eyes and the mouth on the pumpkin are like a video. How do I say this, Josh? Like when you look at the pumpkin, it has a moving face like you're watching a television screen. What's the proper way to say that? Well, I think you described it good enough. Yeah, it's cool.

I love that kind of stuff. It's like an animated face. It moves around. Anyways, these online parents are warning each other not to buy this pumpkin for the kids. because they say the pumpkin sings a dirty song. I saw someone describe it as a, quote, sex song. The article mentions that he says, let's be wicked for one night. I mean, that could be taken in a number of different ways.

He offers, he asks you if you'd like to scream all night. That could be taken in a couple different ways. I'll fill you full of fright. Yeah, talking about his pumpkin seeds. He's way too horny for a pumpkin. I was ready to poke fun at these helicopter parents. Me too. But I sort of better understand why parents are acting squirrely about this.

Because what did they always tell us when we first started about, you know, racing up to the edge and not crossing the line, but we don't know where the line is. They would say if it goes over the head of a seven-year-old, you're good. Something like that. I think that's what they used to say. That's what we were always told. Yeah, I was over here searching for the video Because I wanted to see what the pumpkin looked like

And somebody said exactly what we were just saying They were like, I was expecting the pumpkin To just seem about the devil or something Because that's usually how these parents-beware videos go But what is this? I'm just going to cover you with my pumpkin seed This character, he's called the Jabberin Jack Pumpkin It's apparently been around for years

he's got quite a few songs in his set list and the tricky part here these parents are saying that the dirty song is hidden among the other tunes you've got to stick around for a while before he gets to his sex song he leaves that one late in the set list yeah that's the after dark version

jabber and jack also tells some jokes everyone goes home a winner with this guy but that song is supposedly called Wicked for One Night. I'm so pissed off that there was so much great stuff in that song that I wasn't made aware of in the article. Who the hell wrote this article?

I mean, they suck. They left out all the good stuff. You know, if he puts on that act in front of some grown women, he's going to get some. I know. I apologize to you guys, but I'm very aroused. I can tell. Somebody online was speculating that

maybe they were using like an AI program and they just like plugged in a prompt. like, hey, make a song about a pumpkin, like needing a friend or something, and they just like spit this out and they just plugged it in without double checking it. Chat, GPT got horny? Yeah. I don't know. That sounds like a long shot to me.

In case you want this effing thing for your Halloween beer party, it says here, Jabber and Jack, is up for trade online for 40 bucks. Yeah, he's got a vibe to him. Yeah, definitely. He absolutely does. All right, real quick before we go, what the hell? happen here. This can't be right. I didn't think the police had the balls. Says here a lady in Huntsville, Alabama. She's been charged with driving drunk on her e-scooter.

I didn't think the cops had the balls or the authority to mess with my fellow brothers and sisters in the electric bicycle slash electric scooter community, but they went ahead and did it. Last Friday, 36-year-old gal crashed her friggin e-scooter. Cops say she was hammered. and yeah she spit a uh i don't know a point one something now she's got to go to court it says here in huntsville alabama e scooters are not allowed on public roads or other governed uh i'll get there e scooters are not allowed on public roads or other areas governed by municipal bylaws what the hell does that mean it's going to be the what does it mean a lot of different places i'd imagine by the way uh what are the rules around here well it depends on the city that's they're trying to be that's they're trying to

to figure that out. What do we do with these? How do we classify these different e-bikes? Because some of them are more like motorcycles. It seems like they do whatever they want. But the new South Park, Nick, it's all about your people. E-bikes. Oh, yeah? Yeah, the episodes dedicated to E-bikes. How was it? Was it funny? It was okay. Yeah. I mean, I like that it was less political than it's been, unless there were some deep political stuff I didn't pick up on because I'm too dumb. But yeah, it was pretty good. One of the things Cartman wants everybody to do when he got his e-bike is pretty funny. I'll check it out.

All right. Everybody's driving like their asses on fire. Just going like hell. Even this nerd bag right here in Massachusetts. A dude made the cops chase him all over town. It started like this here. Cops were called. Folks said that a dude was going buck wild.

Weaving up and down and in and out of traffic on his electric unicycle. Why didn't you get me an electric unicycle? cycle, Josh. I'll be honest, until the story, I didn't even know there was one. You probably should start on just a regular one. That makes sense. Dude was going just bananas on his electric unicycle. Now, I don't know if someone's just blowing smoke up our asses here,

but the story says that while being chased down the street by the police, Dinkus here was able to hit 93 miles per hour on his electric unicycle. It does sound... What? A little outrageous. This guy's got balls. Yeah, he must have souped that up himself, right? I can't imagine they make one that goes that fast.

I'm afraid to go 93 miles per hour in my freaking pickup. This guy's on a unicycle? Can you imagine what that would feel like on a unicycle? You feel like you're ready to travel through time. Because there's probably times on your e-bike where you hit 18 miles an hour and you think, geez, I could qualify for a NASCAR. Oh, Jesus. I got a speedometer on that.

E-bike? Oh, do you have one? Oh, yeah. When it hits like 22, 23, I think, oh, no. This got 93? This is the bravest man that's ever lived. Eventually, the cops were able to pull Urkel over, and he went off to the nearest jailhouse. So there you go. I can't believe that. I'll have to look further into that. Can those electric friggin things, even, they go 93? Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. I wouldn't say there's any issues here. think that we're going through the process, taking time. And like I said at Medita, I don't feel pressure to do anything. I'm really happy here.

Yeah, there's a draw to play with those guys at some point. But I think Jack said it perfectly. I'm not going to sacrifice. You know, a great spot for me to play with them. I'm having too much fun over here, Covey. It's Friday. It's our F-off day. Got the boat party tonight.

I don't know. Tell me what you think of. this. I may have to issue an apology, so a listener texted in. Did you see this already, Ashley? No, I'm excited. A listener texted in. Bates Jesus, texted in and said, My husband and I will be on the boat tonight. It'll be our second time. Oh, sweet. And I responded with, thank you, I'd imagine. Don't care. Come on, man. They probably don't know that you're joking. Did they get back to you?

Not yet. Looking back in text, too, they've always been so nice to us. Oh, dude. Well, you know, someone texted earlier and said, oh, yeah, it's all because someone texted earlier and said, hey, this will be my first time on the boat. I'm looking forward to meeting you folks, whatever. So this lady texted in, my husband and I'll be in the boat tonight. It's our second time.

I wrote back. I gave her a Jake Huttler. Bates, Jesus, I'm just horsing around. That's the way we poke fun at each other around here. I really do care. I want to meet you and your husband tonight. I do. By God, I do.

I'm too much fun. I'm too weird today. I'm feeling weird. Every once in a while, you do tell me a response. You give someone. Yeah. That is so brutal. Especially when they don't deserve it.

I like that. I like that bit. Me too. All right. That was a weird Quinn Hughes. Jesus. Can we wave the white flag on this story? That was weird Quinn Hughes.

from the pigs. He says he simply hasn't gotten around thinking about the next phase of his career. He's not much for planning this or planning that. He just kind of does stuff. Fair enough. To be honest, I've grown tired of talking about it. Enough already. If he text in, would you say don't care? See, here's the thing. It's not his fault. It's not his fault. I'm not blaming him for the constant jibber-jabber.

It's the media folks here in town who obsessively write article after article on the subject, looking to scare people into thinking he's going to suddenly disappear and never return again. Sure, we all want weird Quinn Hughes to play here, but let's all just shut up about it for once. That's probably why he's not signing the contract. He's like, Jesus, these people are obsessed.

I don't want to play her anymore. What is wrong with the Twin Cities? Why can't they shut up about me? Just let me live my friggin' life. If he texted in right now, no, I'd say, hey, man, come on the show, let's talk about it. I would. Because it's coming straight out of his yapper.

But my God, twins made a nice comment. back in Anaheim last night, but they lost in Xtrees. Oh, also last night there was the latest episode of Thursday night football. The Buffalo Bills beat the Detroit lines. Randy Shaver, Bradrider, what else? Depot. Don't tell me.

Sorry. Andrew DePaula will be joining us also. Talk about that Vikes game Sunday against Chicago. Josh's news is next. The 93 X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard

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Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode WW CFB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus.

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$193.93. Oh my goodness. That is so incredible. Crazy, ignorant, stupid. A Minnesota woman's mug shot is going viral, and it's not because of her alleged crime, it's because she looks remarkably similar to a global superstar. Global superstar?

Like Andrew Dice Clay? Nope. Nope, it's a lady. Her shoplifting booking photo bears... She looks like Dice? No, no, no, no, no. It's a lady she looks like. Her shoplifting booking photo bears an uncanny resemblance to singer and actress Jennifer Lopez. Oh, Christ.

You can see Jenny from the jail block on 93X.com. Love don't cost a thing, but power tools sure do. And apparently, she intended to skip the whole paying part that the rest of us do. The 35-year-old St. Cloud woman was arrested August 30th, accused of stealing two double packs of power tool batteries worth about $580 from a store in Monticello. Some bitches are expensive. They are. That's where they get you, right? Yes.

Oh, wow, that tool's so cheap. And it doesn't come with a battery. A store employee reportedly recognized her from an alleged theft two days earlier, so they called police. But the shoplifting charge isn't what got people talking. It's her striking likeness to the 57-year-old superstar in the mugshot snapped by the Wright County Sheriff's Office, a photo that's now blowing up online and dragging her alleged sticky fingers into the spotlight along with it. Turns out this lookalike already has quite the record of her own, just not the kind that tops the billboard charts.

She's previously been arrested on a string of charges, including drug possession, DWI, fleeing police, and providing false identification, plus several traffic violations. I looked it up, Cubby. Yeah, she does look quite a bit like former Timberwolves co-owner, Jennifer Lopez. It is a pretty good resemblance. I thought maybe it was a little bit of clickbait, but now it does look like her. Yep.

Yeah. Especially the brows. The brows? She looks like Jennifer Lopez if Jennifer Lopez has been awake for a few days. Or just got arrested for something and isn't embarrassed. The real Jennifer Lopez

is releasing a concert film on Thanksgiving on CBS and Paramount Plus. Oh, I know what the Wessel family's going to be doing now. I just love her. J-Lo? God, yeah. That ought to be a big hit, that concert video. Let me tell you right now.

They say patience is a virtue, but who needs patience? when you have a gun. Earlier this month in Maryland, a 38-year-old woman wasn't feeling particularly virtuous, so things got dangerous. About 6 p.m. September 2nd, deputies responded to a store for a reported assault involving a firearm. The suspect's first name is Tiffany, and her last name explains a lot.

According to investigators, Tiffany Booze got confrontational with a store employee after being stuck waiting in line. She didn't want to wait. wait that day. She don't want to wait. A second employee opened another register so Booz could finally check out, but patience wasn't on tap for Booz. And instead of just leaving, she punched the first employee in the face on her way out.

The two got into a brief rumble before Booze stormed out of the store. Moments later, though, she was spotted walking back toward the business this time with a gun. However, Booze ain't the brightest. She left her wallet and cell phone sitting on the counter. which gave deputies everything they needed to identify her as the suspect. That'd be me. She came back. She didn't shoot anybody?

Nope. She didn't shoot anybody, luckily. Just the threat. And she wasn't done being helpful either because she showed backup just in time to accidentally hand-deliver her own arrest. What an idiot. Yeah, not the brightest. Her last name is it spelled like booze? B-O-O-Z-E.

No way. Yeah. Word. There's a little bit of everything hitting things. theaters in streaming this week, horror, thrillers, war dramas, and even a movie about a middle school teacher staging an inappropriate play. First up, Resident Evil, the new reboot, that is, follows a hapless medical courier sent to deliver a package to a remote hospital, only to get caught up in the middle of an outbreak. We have an early movie review from listener Black Ops Bower

Jesus who said it's a, quote, absolute blast, Resident Evil. I've never been in the Resident Evil movies, but I watched this trailer. It looks very fun. I might check this one out. I've watched the movies. I've watched the series. I played, I think, the first video game. I played the first and second, but I never went too much further than that.

But this does look cool. I'm excited about this one. Good reviews so far. Also opening this week, The Weight, starring Ethan Hawk and Russell Crow, who's put some on. During the height of the Great Depression, a battle-scarred veteran is hired to smuggle a fortune in gold across 100 miles of treacherous wilderness. Without Blood is Angelina Jolie's new war drama about a woman seeking revenge about the murder of her family. Jolie wrote and directed the film, which is adapted from a best-selling novel. She's still married to Brad Pitt?

No, no, they hate each other's guts. As a matter of fact, all their kids are dropping the pit from the last name. Sounds like they must not like him either. That's a damn shame. Then there's tiny fugitives starring Johnny Knoxville, a reckless group of 12-year-olds, decide they want to spend the rest of their lives at sleepaway camp. The only thing standing in their way is Bob, the camp's deranged, relentless 50-year-old counselor, played by Knoxville, who as an actor, once watched a guy eat a vomlet,

an omelet made out of his own barf. Oh, those. Finally, in theaters, The Musical, which sounds innocent enough, when a frustrated middle school teacher finds out his ex-girlfriend started dating his nemesis, the school's principal, he secretly stages an outrageous and inappropriate play in an attempt to ruin the principal's reputation. On the streaming side, American Hostage premieres Sunday on MGM Plus. Based on true events, actor John Hamm, who, according to rumor, is packing a friggin' sledgehammer, plays Fred Heckman, a beloved Indianapolis radio reporter in the 1970s,

who gets pulled into a life-or-death hostage crisis when a hostage taker demands a live-on-air interview. The eight-episode series follows Heckman through 63 hours of crisis. A couple more movie notes. Heavy metal histories coming to theaters. What the hell is that? Back to the beginning. The concert film capturing Ozzy Osbourne's historic final performance. It opens nationwide October 28th.

Film last July in England. The event features both a solo performance and a reunion with Black Sabbath recorded less than three weeks before his tragic passing. Tickets go on sale next Thursday. And Spidey just swung into the history books. Spider-Man brand new day is taken down Star Wars. The Force Awakens as the highest-grossing domestic release in history. Internationally, the blockbusters pulled in $2.45 billion dollarini, making it the third highest-grossing film of all time behind Avatar and Avengers Endgame.

I didn't know people were so dialed into Spider-Nuts. Yeah, people love Spider-Nus. Oh, yeah. They do make good movies. I still never got past, like, the classic one with... Toby McGuire? Yep. Yeah.

That's the only one he watched? Yep. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't... I've just... I've never been a huge superhero fan, but also, like, that's just... That was... He was Spider-Man.

He's Spider-Man for me. So I don't want to mess up that image in my head. I think you'd like some of the other ones. I like that Tom Holland, dude. Yeah, you would like the new ones, Ashley. Tom Holland's fantastic. I can't get enough of it, Ashley. I can't remember is his wifey in it?

She's in some of them. I can't remember exactly she's in the newest one. I'll watch anything with her in it. You're a fan? Yes. Who's that? Zendaya. On this day.

41 years ago in 1985. 41 years ago in 1985. The first top 10 list aired on late night with David Letterman. I bet I was there to see it. The topic was the top 10 things that almost rhyme with peas. We'll be late night's top ten words that almost rhyme with peas. Number ten, we have heats. Number nine is rice.

Number eight is moss. Number seven, we have ties. Six is needs. Number five is lens. Number four is ice. Number three is kind of a surprise. Nurse. Number two, we're getting very close now, is leaks.

And the number one word that almost rhymes with peas, according to our poll, is meats. We'll have those from time to time. Obviously, they got better. Well, still, the greatest ever was the top ten mispronunciations of Kirby Pocket. Category tonight, top ten ways to mispronounce the name Kirby Pocket. Here we go. Number 10, Kobe Pickett. Number nine, creepy pockets

Number eight, Bernie Crumpet Uh-huh, sure. Number seven. Turkey bucket. Uh-huh. Number six. Buddy Hackett. Uh, number five. The puckett formerly known as Kirby. Yeah.

Number four. Punky Brewster. Yeah. Number three. Ken Herbeck. Yeah. Number two. There once was a man from Nantucket

who curbed his own pocket. Uh, and the number one way. to mispronounce the name Kirby Pucket. Engel Puck, Kirby Dink. There you go! Told you they got better. Tears in my eyes that evening, man. We had an absolute riot watching that.

Hungry for a good cause. Head to the Chanhassen American Legion Friday, October 9th, 5 to 8 p.m. for their fish fry. And the fried fish comes with plenty of sides, including a large helping of giving back. Half the money from every dinner supports the Randy Shaver Cancer Research

and Community Fund. No reservations needed whatsoever. Just walk in and dig in. You can find that info on 93X.com. Also on 93X.com, we've linked to the Minnesota Building Trades Yellow Ribbon Rib Fest, which hits Arden Hills tomorrow at the National Guard Readiness Center. Gates open at noon for a full day of ribs, live music, and a veteran outreach area, honoring those who've served.

It's free to enter with rib tickets and refreshments available inside. every dollar supports beyond the yellow ribbon, helping Minnesota service members, veterans, and military families, which obviously is a great and important cause. A small way to give back to those who've given so much. Thanks to the local 34 insulators team who made us aware of the event and all involved.

The Yellow Ribbon Rib Fest tomorrow at Arden Hills in the National Guard Readiness Center. 651-551-933. That's the new Luther Key of Bloomington, tax line and I know it works because we got a few shoutouts this morning. Congratulations to Elkslayer Jesus, who just became Colorado's newest licensed residential plumber from Colorado Canine Jesus. Congratulations to Hannah from Aunt Short But Fat Sheezus.

Hannah's getting married this weekend. Happy fifth anniversary to four inches but gets the job done, Jesus from Orton Lover, Sheezis. Father, adventurer, hockey goalie, deep thinker, heartthrob, and good friend of the show, Jordan Peresey, 44 tomorrow. Happy birthday to Kai, turning the big 09 today from... You know whose birthday it is tomorrow, too, Josh? Who toette?

Curtis. Curtis? Oh, happy birthday, Curtis. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I hope he's able to celebrate appropriately. Jordan's birthday today, Jordan Parisi?

Tomorrow. Tomorrow? Oh, he shares the same birthday with Ki-Urtis. That's great. Tomorrow's the day. Have you talked to Jordan lately? A couple weeks back. What's he got to say for himself?

You know, it's funny how he is. Both Porezisies are kind of like this. He's got two babies now. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Where they'll kind of send you a text and then you get back to him and then you just don't hear from them from a little bit. Yeah. Well, it's because he's trying to find out who fathered those babies.

He's trying to find the real father. He's got a backpack on and a pair of jeans shorts. He's going to walk the earth until he finds out who fathered those babies. Kai, your birthday shout out was text in by dad. Scream for me, Jesus, who does have a message. He would appreciate it if you turn down that, quote, K-pop crap and put on some, quote, maiden. I can get along.

I've never heard K-pop, but I'd prefer maiden. I can tell you that. Happy 60th to Kari from her loving husband's stand, a.k.a. metal hand finishing Jesus. Happy birthday to beef canning, and happy 86 birthday to Ray. That's 93x News. The Minnesota Vikings interview.

Personal file, 69, offense. He was giving them the business. Touchdown. Vikings win it. on the half-assed morning show. The acid rock. For the love of cripes, we got everybody piling in. All at once, and we love the company. Randy Shaver is here.

Hello, Randy. Is he here? Randy Schaeber. Randy? Mr. Schaever? Brad. No Brad. Oh, no.

Two out of the three aren't here yet. We do have Depot, I believe. Andrew D. Paola. Good morning. Good morning, Andrew. Thanks for being on time. the rest of the boys can't be on time. Hey guys.

Some of us, we're just ready. You're committed. Yeah, here I thought we had all this company. It's just Depot. It should be a very intimate morning between the three, four of us, Andrews. How you doing? I'm good. I'm real good.

I wish it wasn't as rainy as it is, but I'm good. Well, yeah, it's going to be a piss-poor, miserable day. Oh, does that mean you've got to practice in this stuff? Yeah, probably, because I think they're, calling for it on Sunday, so we're going to try and get out in the elements a little bit. What would you prefer? Pouring rain, brutal cold, unbelievable heat if you had to choose. Oh, gosh.

Probably unbelievable heat if I had to choose. Oh, man, that would be my last one. Yeah, Cumbies. I've played in just about all of it. And, yeah, probably the heat. Yeah, Cubby's an avid endorsement. You don't like the heat at all. Yeah, the heat would get me.

You thrive on air conditioning. What about the snow games? Are they fun to play? They sure are fun to watch. Do you enjoy playing in those? Yeah, for the most part. Like, snow games are, I think I've only played in like two, but it's just a different, like, it's a different game. Like the offense, they call, you know, plays differently.

the defense calls it differently. You know, you just, it's just different. It's slower. You know, it's a lot more methodical, and you've got to be a little more, like, tuned in to what you're doing. It hurts a little less when you hit the ground, too, if you get some snow out there, I would imagine. I would imagine.

I don't really do too much hitting the ground. Yeah, you pick the right position, dude. You really did. All right. Do you put on those, so when we used to have Kyle Rudolph on, he talked about some sort of cream he'd put on his arm because we asked like how are you wearing a short sleeve shirt when you're outdoors in the cold weather and he said whatever this cream is would keep you so warm you didn't need the sleeves. It's like when our folks used to put Vaseline on our feet before we go play hockey outside. Do you use that same stuff?

I've used it before. I use it on like my neck and my cheeks. I don't use it on my arms. I just don't like anything on my arms or really when I'm playing. I just like to keep it like, you know, as free as I can. But like I'll wear like a really, not a really thin, but a thin like wetsuit shirt under my jersey. Yeah, I mean, whatever it takes, whatever you're comfortable with.

Yeah, it's going to be a piss poor day today. You got one week down now. 16 or so to go, the Green Bay Packers brought their comedy act to town last Sunday. They kind of let that one run down their pant leg, didn't they? They sure did. Man, I'll tell you what, when we got going, We did not stop. That was cool.

That was a lot of fun. That's the key, I suppose. Once the other team starts screwing the pooch, you got to turn the screws on them. So you had a nice comeback win Sunday against Green Bay. What do you make of all the high scoring that's going on after week one in the National Football League? You got a theory on that? I mean, it's what the league wants. You know, they want points.

They want high scoring games. More people tune in when it's 38 to 3.8 to 3.000. 31 versus 10-3. Yeah. Yeah, they certainly want to light up the scoreboard. There's no question about that. And I mean, the rules, you know, the rules are favor offense. I mean, that's no secret, I think.

They're just, yeah, I think that's kind of the direction the league wanted to go in. And we're kind of seeing that come to life now. That was going to be my next question. I mean, do you agree that the offense has an unfair advantage? I do. I think it's fairly obvious. I'm not exactly sure if I agree with it. I mean, oh.

Oh, no. Do we lose them? What happened? Or is that somebody else? No, he's still there. Okay. Yeah, I was going to ask you if you feel like the offense has an unfair advantage. And obviously, yeah, you think that way as well.

I mean, I don't know if it's unfair. I think there's more scrutiny and there's more rules against the offense. I'm sorry, the defense. Yeah. It's just like, I mean, I don't know, nowadays it's like any big hit, they're kind of taking a second look at it to be like, is that a little too much? Right. Like, I mean, I thought we were still playing football, but, you know, and I get it, you know, player safety is a huge, huge deal. But, you know, in the same respect, you know, you talk to some of these defensive guys, and like the same question keeps popping up.

It's like, well, what am I supposed to do? Right. Yeah, these guys are kind of left hung out. to dry. Does seem unfair sometimes. A lot of the times it looks like a totally natural move, a natural reaction, and it's flagged for what's to call, unsafe, you know, contact of the head, all that kind of stuff. I would like to see past interference thrown completely into the garbage. I would like to see receivers and defensive backs just hand to fight their way all the way down the field. I would like things to open up there a little. It's never going to happen,

but sometimes it's a little frustrating to watch, that's all. Who makes the rest of your kicking team this year? Do you got new guys looking up your behind this year on punts and field goals? Let me think. Well, are you talking about just new guys on the squad in general, like on the units? Yeah, for your specific kicking and punter. Looks like you had a new punter. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, a new punter. New punter. So he's a new punter, new holder. We have a new personal protector, DJ Dallas. and then I think who's that Jacob Thomas left wing he's a rookie

new guy on puns how quickly does the chemistry build when you have new characters in the mix like that you know it it just depends on the person like we got DJ Dallas

so what like last week two weeks ago and I mean he immediately stepped in and I was like oh this yeah, this guy's got it. Like, we're going to be, we're going to be good. The chemistry was there. The flow was there.

His cadence was beautiful. It was just really easy to get to work with him, and he was just, you know, so open to trying to learn, you know, texting me like, hey, when are we going to get together and go over these calls? When are we going to get to watch film? You know, that makes it, you know, easier to kind of get on the same page.

That's cool. Now, let me ask you something, Andrew DePaula. Did you ever get an offer or entertain the idea of playing in the Canadian Football League? I got a story out of the Canadian Football League I'd like to share with you, but I wasn't completely sure if you have any, did you ever have the option or have the offer to play in Canada? Neither. Nope. No.

Be thankful that you're not playing in the Canadian Football League right now. Okay. They got an interesting problem up there. The boys have taken to punch in each other in the bag. It says here, several below-the-belt punches are causing major injuries and concern in the Canadian Football League. Some of those injuries, they called life-changing. It must have been pretty bad. You ever taken a shot to the Pills Depot where you thought, okay, that could be life-altering right there, what I just received?

Not really in a football game. No. I'm praying. I don't know if there's wood around. No pun intended, but I don't know. Knock on wood. Yeah. Currently, because, yeah, no, I don't want that ever.

You hear about that, like in a battle for a loose ball. Yeah, the scrums. That people are going for genitals. Well, first off, do you wear a cup? No. You guys are frigging out of your mind. I don't understand. baseball players, football players these days.

Is it uncommon these days to wear a cup? Since like heights are college, I haven't known one person that's worn one. Yeah, it seems like nobody does. That is so strange to me. But, you know, there's all types out there. You guys go ahead. I would be the number one product endorsement guy. And then if I was a National Football League star,

I would be doing ads for, you know, I don't know, what's the most. When I was a kid, the jocks were always brought to you by the people from bike. Do you remember that? A cup that's made of the same stuff as Kevlar vests. Right. You'd have the strongest one known to man. But Josh is right. At least in the old days, in the old days,

there were players who would step on your nuts, step on your hand. There were dirty, underhanded things going on in scrums. Maybe there's too many cameras now where people avoid it. Do you experience any of that, Andrew? Are there guys that will step on your hand, step on your, I mean, go after your privates? Not me personally, but you see it. Like, you'll see it on film. Like, guys will go after certain guys, certain vulnerable body parts.

Even if a guy, like, will have an injury, you know, say an ankle or like a wrist or a knee. they'll go after that and try and, I don't know, not like re-injured, but just aggravate it and get him pissed off. It's weird. I think nowadays, you know, instead of like going after a person's body, they go after their like their swag, you know? Like if you like a towel that's hanging off a guy that's there for just looks or like jewelry or something, they'll try and like rip that off instead. That's a guy's chain off his neck. I understand we have Randy Schaber in the mix now.

I was told Randy Shaver's there. He said he was on, yeah. I haven't potted it up, so I'm not sure what's going on. Here's the story out of Canada for you, Depot. A Montreal Aluette running back by the name of Liam Talbot has been ruled out for this season after he allegedly got socked in the scrotum. And the video looks pretty obvious to me. I saw the video.

He got, and he got punched in the friggin' seeds more than once. by a player from the British Columbia Lions, a defensive back by the name of Josh Haggerty. This Talbot character is a rookie. He had to undergo emergency surgery. Oh, no way. Yeah, after taking two blows to the Wad on two separate special teams plays. There you go.

The special teamers are the dirty ones, apparently, up in Canada. So, I mean, I don't have any details on what type of surgery this poor guy had to go through. But we've heard the stories before, right? I mean, that third baseman for the Texas Rangers a number of years ago, Adrian Beltray took a line drive to the nuts. And one of them, Andrew, you know, there's two down there. One of them, he never saw it again. No, come on.

I'm telling you, but this guy had to have emergency surgery. I mean, I remember a kid back in junior high got knead in the nuts. A gal got pissed off at him. Need him in the nuts in the hallway. Sure, it hurt like hell, but he went to bed that night feeling normal. When he woke up, his bag was the size of a friggin' beach ball. There was some kind of a rupture. And the sum bitch damn near died.

He really did. This was back in junior high. So this guy had emergency surgery. It says here he did finish the game, the guy who got socked in the balls twice. But by that afternoon or that evening, he was in incredible pain and had to go to the hospital. the punches were not penalized during the game. The refs didn't see it. And I can understand why they didn't.

The dude who punched him in the special purpose was sly about it. I would hope so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if he was brazen about it, that paints a completely different picture. So now there are players from the Canadian Football League who are coming forward now and saying, this has got to come to an end. It's happening league-wide, which is very concerning.

Yeah, that's terrible. I mean, I just, I don't, like, as a players league and, like, even a player's union, if they have one, like, how are you allowing this? I mean, not allowing it, but just, like, not addressing it and being like, hey, what are we seven? How did you get to this point?

And would you want to be the guy that's punching people in the genitals? I mean, that you're okay with that character. Draymond Green is okay being that character. fine with that. If we want to cross over to the National Basketball Association. How could you like sleep at night? You're obviously, you've got some bad wiring. I mean, you got some rage issues or something that haven't yet to be addressed.

But yeah, so yeah, the CFL themselves, Canadian Football League, I don't see that they've made a statement, but plenty of players are stepping. Here's something that echoes what you just said, Andrew. What are we seven? One of the Canadian Football League players says, punches in the nuts. I've never seen anything like that from an adult. adult in a professional game. Yeah, it sounds like something you would do a fifth grader having a temper tantrum out on the

ball field. Jesus. It's a scummy thing to do. Terrible. So they're expecting some fines and suspensions. I mean, I have a ball bag story. Do you want to hear? Always.

I love the title so far. I have a ball bag story. Of course we want to hear a ball bag story. I had a years ago. I had a former teammate in Tampa. He was getting some extra working on the field. And it was hot down there, you know, obviously Florida. And he was just wearing just shorts, just our training shorts.

No shirt, no compressions, no nothing to just keep the boys together. Right. He was just wearing shorts. He comes in, you know, finishes his workout, comes in, showers, goes home, complaining of, like, discomfort. Doesn't think anything of it. goes to bed, wakes up in tremendous pain down there. This tremendous pain. Wines up going to the hospital, it goes to the ER.

They're taking a look at it. They said, hey, they got twisted. We need to put you in emergency surgery right now. So he's like, all right, goes. You know, they take him to emergency surgery. They're about to put him under. And they said, here, sign this form. And he's like, what's this form say?

And they go, the form says, you're giving us permission to take one out if we need to. And he was like, you've got to be kidding me. And they're like, we need you to sign this consent form before we can do surgery. So he signs it. Gets the anesthesia. He's out. First thing he does when he wakes up is like, is it still there? And they were like, you know what?

We were able to save both of them untwisted. They were like, you're going to have to be off your feet for a few days, but you'll be fine. I can't imagine the pain. And that's the first time I had ever heard of that actually happening. You know, like I think growing up as a kid, it was always like a, you always thought it was like an old wives tale or just something to scare you. But like for it to actually happen, I was like, oh, wow, no way. It's true.

They twisted, yeah. They got twisted. I guess some guys are well-endowed enough to get twisted. Lucky bastard. I bet you your buddy, your old teammate who signed that form, I bet that signature looked very different than the others. You know what I mean? There might have been a little tremble in his signing hand.

More jagged. When he autographed that's some bitch. Now it sounds like Rand's. I'm sure. Randy Shaver. Yep, sorry, guys. Having trouble with my phone this morning. Well, we're talking to Andrew DePaula. Hey, good morning, Andrew.

And we were talking about testicles. Of course you were. Yeah. Our testicle expert, Andrew DePaula on the line. Yeah, he said he had a ball bag story, and he did. He told us. Tell me he's got both of them. He does.

I do. He does. But he was telling us that a former teammate of his almost lost one. Oh, boy. by way of an emergency operation. Tell me he wears a cup. No, none of them wear a cup. Really?

Depot was saying, what did you say since college? Or maybe even in college? Most people don't. Oh, no. No, when I got to college, no one wore one. And I was like, all right, I guess we're not wearing him anymore. Are you guys sure? Can we vote on this maybe?

Did you stop wearing a cup just because you looked around and saw that nobody else was doing it? well no like so I I wore one in high school and then I wore one you know I was wearing one in college and you know guys were like dude what are you doing I was like what are you doing like why am I the odd man out in this conversation and it was just like they were like

hey speed is a premium at this level anything that slows you down get rid of it okay you do see more and more of that guys wearing as little pads as possible well of course we see that we've been seeing that for years from skill players wide receivers defensive backs running backs, but you offensive linemen with all the massive characters, you got guys weighing near 400 pounds wrapping India.

That's where I can understand the slick looking pretty wide receiver. Sure, he wants to look cool and the whole works. But I don't understand you offensive linemen not getting involved in protecting your brajola. That's where I get thrown. Beats me. Yeah. It really does. I mean, I got my kids, so hey.

You know, it's like that. What movie was that? Oh, Rocky Four. DePaula looks down at his nuts like Drago looking down at Apollo Creed, and he says, if he dies, he dies. Whatever. You got your family now. You're not worried about it. Oh, well, there you go.

That was a good one. Randy, I know you're fresh into the mix, but do you have a good ball bag story? Do you have both? I do have both, thank you. I don't really. I mean, I think we've talked about this before with, you know, having those moments where you accidentally, you know, your pedal slips on the bike and you land on the bar in between

or something like that, but no, I don't have a big story or anything. Now, Depot, your teammate was, do you remember the, the medical definition for what was wrong with them. Did they call it testicular torsion? That's what I've heard when it gets twisted. That's when it's twisted up. Okay. Well, that's what Deepa was explaining to us.

There we go. You see, because I've had testicular torsion, but they never panicked and offered me surgery. So I'm guessing I must not have been in as bad as shape as your teammate. I remember it hurting like hell. I could not understand what was happening to me. because I was just sitting at a bar drinking a beer, and it just got worse and worse and worse.

So what did I do, Josh? You know, have five, six more beers, see if it'll go away. It just got so bad that, yeah, I went in. They defined it as testicular torsion. I can't remember. I think they just, they grabbed me down there a good 20 times. Everyone that worked in that hospital that evening went to third base on me that evening.

The doctors, the nurses, they were all grabbing my pills insane. They all wanted a shot at it. They wanted a shot at the title. But I think they just cleared it up with some medication, if I remember right? There was no operation. So I guess where I'm going with this is there must be all levels of testicular torsion. I had a milder case. I can't imagine the pain being any worse than it was, though.

I'll tell you what, a lot of people are texting in, a lot of guys in the listening audience, and some women have had this. A few people are saying they had to have surgery, just like Depot was describing. Grab this fucking twisted. Oh, God. Here's a guy that says he had a twisted bag. The right became the left and the left became the right. And he said his girlfriend straightened it out for him.

He's not being cute. He said she went down there and realigned them for him. All right. Now we're just bragging. I love where we can go with you, conversation-wise Depot. I do. It's always a mystery to me. Yeah, that's fun.

What are we going to talk about today? You don't want to know ahead of time, do you? I kind of like it. I'm coming in blind, just not knowing. It's a good way to start my Fridays. That's the way we like it, too. Well, hey, now you's got to go to Chicago and take on this team that everybody is calling.

What's the old line again? Denny Green. Everyone's already crowning the Bears. I crowned them. Yeah. Crown them. You got to go into Chicago. Now, good luck on Sunday.

Thanks for your time. We'll talk to you next week, Andrew D. Paula. Appreciate it, guys. Thank you. You bet. If you want to crown them, they crown their ass. Our conversation with Depot, brought to you by Luther Kia of Bloomington. I'll be damned. The text message is coming in here.

Once we started talking about testicular issues, the text machine has gone crazy. 651-551-193-93. Here's a guy who said he had testicular torsion when he was 10 years old. And he said, while they were under the hood, they noticed that his his urethra was too small so they made a bigger hole for him

I've never heard that before no Randy now we lost Randy but we have Brad now hello oh there's Randy hello I'm here okay I have no idea what's going on this morning but at any rate crazy

while we're on the topic of NFL players and genitalia in crossing those two subjects into one. Matt Khalil, ex-N-Fel offensive lineman, Matt Khalil. This is confusing. I'm going to try to go ahead anyway. The lawsuit that he had drawn up against his ex-wife, the lawsuit over what she said about the size of his unit,

that case has been dismissed. If you remember that whole nightmare. Well, it wouldn't be a nightmare for me if I were Matt Khalil. Josh, you've said this wouldn't bother you. No, I kind of want that info out there. The ex-wife, the ex-wife got sued by Matt Khalil. Again, he is her ex-husband because she publicly discussed their marriage and sex life during an appearance on a Twitch live stream, whatever that is. This was a couple of years ago.

She went on a Twitch live screen. she suggested that the size of his Rodney was a factor in their marriage ending. And she said, here's the famous line that a lot of he will probably remember, he said, or she said, Matt Khalil's rod was like two Coke cans on top of each other, maybe even a third. My goodness.

Well, I mean, she knew that going in, right? Yeah, I've always contended that. the marriage ended after his playing career was done, but that's just me. Okay. So when Matt Khalil filed this lawsuit, he said that he received unwanted attention and invasive commentary from the public. He said that his family members, including his current wife, have been, quote, forced to endure the ongoing public circulation of these degrading and deeply personal statements.

So that was the grounds he was standing on. when he took to sue and his ex-wife. Says here he sued for around $75,000. Invasion of Privacy. He also sued her for unjust enrichment. He said that his ex-wife was financially benefiting from all this nonsense. But like I said, the case was thrown out. The ex-wife, her lawyer said this.

The ex-wife's lawyer said the court found that Haley is her name, the ex-wife. The court found that Haley was speaking about her body, her life, and her marriage. Those experiences are hers, and she has every right to talk about them. Here's a theory. Maybe you put that lawsuit out there just so this stays in the news.

He wants to keep reminding people that he's got a huge dung. Oh, I never considered that angle. Because we would have forgotten about this. Oh, his ex-wife was on a podcast, and, okay, he's got a big pink, okay, whatever. I don't know. Anytime his name came up, that's what I thought of. That's he thought of now. Yeah.

But how often would his name come up if it wasn't about this big penis story being in the news all the time? Couldn't tell you. Not much? Yeah. I hadn't heard about the guy since he retired. So there you go. The lawsuit's been thrown smooth out. And again, Josh just can't imagine the embarrassment and the shame.

No, don't get that out there. If his ex-wife was to say something like that about him, oh my God. Stop immediately. Sleepless night after sleep. night. Yeah, that would have helped my dating life post-divorce if my ex-wife would have thrown something out there like that. Obviously would have been true. She had no problem

with the Coke cans while he was getting paid. Yeah, that'd be the other part, right? He's too hung and makes too much money. You're not interested in that. Yep. So you broke up with that guy, huh? Yeah. Well, why? Why do you think?

He's too hung and makes too much money. I don't need those problems in my life. a woman nowhere ever said so there you go that's the latest on that nightmare ah hey Anthony Edwards and LeBron James

they're bros so you know bros are allowed to bust balls on each other boy all we've been talking about so far is it's been today's topic dongs and balls As most of you are aware,

LeBron, Damnear came to work for the Timberwolves. Instead, he decided to sign a deal with the Philadelphia 76ers. By God, he went ahead and he did that. He signed a deal with the Philadelphia. Apparently in a new Adidas tennis, you add. Anthony Edwards, one half of the Bang Brothers, by the way. Damn, those guys are cool. Anthony Edwards makes a couple of jokes at LeBron James expense.

Speaking of old school, you see where Big Dog ended up? He was going to join me in Minnesota, but I guess his needs can handle the cold weather. It's cool, though. We know why he really made that decision. Philly got some of the best barbers in the world. I'm excited about my new road dog. They brought my twin to the Twin Cities. We've been working out together and doing all type of things.

But one thing we ain't doing is carpooling if he's driving. I ain't wrong with him, y'all. Hey, Men of Minnesota, we'll be right back. shot this ad on the set of Edwards' new sketch comedy show, Min at Lannisota. We told you a couple days ago about that new program. I'm looking forward to watching that. He made a joke

at the expense of his fellow bank brother, Lamello's balls about how the guy can't drive very well. But I like that barber joke about LeBron James and Jalen Brown. Philly's got some of the best barbers in the world

between LeBron and Old boy, that's Jalen Brown, who also signed with Philly, between James and Brown, they're going to have a whole lot of enhancements going on in the locker room. Now, if you don't get the joke, both James and Brown are infamous for drawing their hair line on top of their head with

shoe polish or a Sharpie or something. It's just terrible looking. That's a cute joke. I like that one. I never considered such things. Drawing my hair on top of my head. It's not like it's going to go on notice. I mean, here's the thing. No one's looking at me. That's for damn

year. LeBron James and Jalen Brown are on television every night of the week, 365 days a year. Someone's talking about one or both of them. So maybe that would make a difference in my approach. I still don't think I would ever look in the mirror and paint my hairline on. Brown seems to have a good sense of humor about it. I don't know if LeBron has a good sense of humor about it because he's had a, he's had an Al Michaels Chris Berman type hairline. You know, it just goes back and forth and back and forth. He's had that since he was a kid. kid. Speaking of airlines and getting

older, happy belated birthday, by the way. Well, thanks, pardon me, Brad Ryder. Appreciate that.

Did you hear what Josh got me for my birthday? I did not. No. A unicycle. It's a true story. Well,

maybe I should share this then with Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. Did you try it out? Yes, I did. I built the unicycle in my garage yesterday.

Because Josh gave it to me in pieces. I built the some bitch and I couldn't contain my excitement and I decided to give it a shot. Oh, no. For the very first time. And I would love to be able to tell you that five seconds

went by before my carcass crashed down onto my garage floor, but I'd be lying. Five seconds and I fell smooth off that thing and I fell hard. Oh, man. It's like riding a bowl. But I'm going to get right back after it. You got to. Like riding a

golf cart. Depending on the guy. Funny, Brad. Yeah, I got me that unicycle. Tell me you've got a helmet and elbow pads and all that kind of stuff. I got me a helmet. Okay. Says Northland on the side.

I did once dye my hair and not like I'm in a punk rock band type dye my hair. When I started to go gray, I noticed a buddy of mine who was also getting. there. I noticed that he was putting a little shoe polish in there, right? I didn't ask him the product because I figured he didn't want to talk about it. I think he maybe wanted to keep it a secret. So I didn't even ask him about it. But I went out to the store and I bought some of that

swill just for men. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I did it up and it looked beautiful. Went out one night wearing that shoe polish in my hair and I just didn't feel right. I didn't feel right about it, so I washed it out. But I did try it once.

I bet some looks pretty good. Certainly if you have it professionally done, but there's probably some of that box stuff that looks good. We've seen stuff that doesn't. Yeah. Where it's just unnaturally black or something. The big phase when I was in high school was you bleach your hair blonde like M&M, the bright blonde.

Anytime you try it with those out of the box stuff, you'd come out looking like carrot top. the orange hair. It was brutal. Do you guys remember sun in? Oh, yeah. Sun in. That was really popular in middle school.

It was this sploge that you spray into your hair. And it'll just, I suppose, similar to what Dana's talking about. It just, if you were blonde, it would make you a white blonde. You know what I mean? It just. And if you had like brown hair, you know, put like some streaks in a little bit. Dude. So this is up at.

St. Cloud State, my pal, God rest his soul, he had beautiful long blonde hair. They had this big old patio at their house, and I swung by for a couple of beers, and he's laying out in the sun, this guy, and he's spraying this sun in into his hair because he wanted his hair to be just Vince Neal, 1984 white blonde, right? So being young and dumb, I said, give me that. I grabbed that bucket of sun in and I had a pile of hair back then. I looked like, I mean, I just was, I started dumping that sun in into my hairdo. I didn't really care. You know, whatever. I turned out looking like Bozo, the F-me-running plan. It went, it went bright orange on me. Now, when I was a kid, when I got enough sun on my hair, it would turn kind of red.

When I put that sun in, in there and I laid down next to this dude for a couple hours out in the sun, I turned into Bo F-F-Me-Running Zoe. I've seen that before. It wasn't horrible. It just was so different. True story. Sadly, a few years later, one of our pals died, died young. And on the picture board, where you go, oh, look at that and look at that.

Oh, sure. There was a picture of me with this sadly deceased pal of mine, fresh after I had sun-end my hair. And there were people who had known me my whole life, who were saying, who is that guy standing next to Donnie? That was me. Very, very different. All right, here we go.

What do we got here? One week left in the WNBA regular season, Bleacher Report has gone ahead with one more final, final player rankings type of a thing. A top 25 player ranking. Now, these rankings are based entirely on what players have done this season. number 22 shooting guard for the lynx Courtney Willem as you might expect the links show quite nicely in this list of the top 25 players

in the WNBA the 15th best player in the league my lady wawa wewa Angel Reese of the Atlanta dreams it says here about Angel Reese is she an efficient interior scorer

No. Can she shoot? No, absolutely not. Yet she makes everyone around her better and shows up when it matters most. Number 14, also from the Minnesota Lynx, power forward Natasha Howard, they say at 35 years old, she's the best play finisher in basketball and in elite defender. Number 10, Kayla McBride, small forward for the Minnesota Links. I've never heard this said before, and I follow a lot of basketball. She's the best movement shooter in the league. I hadn't heard that one before, movement shooter. And on top of that, she should be in the all-defensive conversation. Six from right here in town, the sixth best player in the WNBA, according to Bleacher Report, Paige Beckers.

5. Caitlin Clark. Two, Olivia Miles, the rookie point guard for the links. They say she is the best player on the best team in the league as a rookie. She's already the most dynamic passer and driver in the world. And they hand the number one ranking to a gal named Aja Wilson, the center for the Las Vegas Aces. What about Fee? Who is Fee?

Nefisa Collier. Did I not say her name? No. No. Okay. Well, I think, again, Randy Schaeber, they're basing this on just what players have done this season, and Nefisa Collier was injured for a lot of them. She's been out for about half the year. There you go.

There's your explanation. It's a pretty accurate list other than I wouldn't have had your gal that high, I don't think. I'm sorry, one more time, Brad Reader? I think it's a pretty accurate list, but I wouldn't have had your gal that high. Are you talking about Angel Reese? Yeah. Yeah, you're one of those that doesn't get it. You're right.

Brad doesn't know ball. No. The list is pretty accurate, though, I think. High Rocks was the talk of the sports world this week. We talked about it. This goofy new endurance sport, or maybe it's not so new. It was new to us. This goofy endurance sport where you run a mile and then you have to throw a dead body into a river or something.

And you run another mile and then you have to squat 700. pounds, you run another mile, you have to. We talked about it because the winner of a recent high rocks competition was a lady named Joanna, and she horribly, terribly pooped herself while running the race, while competing in the event. It got all over everything and everybody. People were slipping in her wet, cold feces. There were people, staff members,

trying to mop it up as runners are it was just a horror show she has apologized she's issued an apology for what happened she wasn't terribly sympathetic at first if you remember she went online and said hey a wins a wins gross go hard or go home all that garbage right when high rock's fans and high rock competitors were saying why didn't you just walk away from the race instead of creating a friggin biohazard for everyone to slip in. So at first she had some attitude about it. She's apologizing for all that. As a matter of fact, she went one step further as a show of goodwill,

and she is retroactively forfeiting the race. So whatever trophy she was handed or whatever points she accumulated for winning that, she's saying, you can have it all back. Here's the trophy that I carried around with my poopy hands. Oh, and they were. I can't believe how much there was, was ever. Everywhere's unbelievable. It's like a comical amount.

I don't know if I've ever seen anything like that in my life. No. No. I mean, aside from a dog, aside from what a dog is left. That's a different. Yeah, that's a different story. I'm just reaching here.

I'm trying to think if I've ever. I mean, yeah, we've all grew up with the kid who pooped in the pool, right? You know, sure. Okay. That's common. But that's nothing like that. Yeah. That can be pretty bad.

Yeah, I guess. This was worse. I was told that, like, it's coming, though. So there's parents out there who's, like, a baby has went in and grabbed it when they fill their diaper and then they paint the walls with that. So maybe some parents know what it's like? You ever seen that from a dog where Josh, it appears that someone's got a hold of the pump handle at the old well? Yeah, my gosh. Definitely.

Didn't you have an issue where, like, your vacuum ran through it, your robot vac, or maybe somebody else was telling that story? I don't think that ever happened to me. Somebody was telling us that that happened to that. The robot vacuum drug cat poop all over the... If your kids ever get rotovirus, that's an experience. Yes. Oh, really? Oh, I've heard.

The word is rotovirus? Yeah. I have never heard of that one. That's like exploding anus. Let's name a band exploding anus. I'd see that show. What did, Jesus said. the liquor store the other day and the lady in front of them

had that happen. What exactly happened? Oh no. The exact same blowout we're talking about here. She crapped in her pants, random. Oh no. Oh no. That's sad. Well now here's someone who texted in and said that happens to distance runners. Yeah, we know that. I heard that before. We know that. I should ask my buddy runs a lot, like, absolutely loves running. He's a psychopath, but he did like a 24-mile thingy. I should ask him if he pooped his pants during it. We know that it happens to runners.

But the reason why this made every sports website is I guess the amount of what was left behind was just ungodly. Well, yeah, I don't know if some of the photos, she's covered in it. It wasn't just a little running down the back of your leg. No. It was they damn near had to drop a no-wake buoy into it to try. Oh, God. Oh, man. Yeah, when you get rotovirus, you look at that and then you look at them in your leg.

Like, how did all of that come out of you? How did all of that come out of that little person? Right, right. All right, this story here is brought to you by our friends at Hogbauer Automotive, Third Avenue and Main Street, don't you know? A driver man. Some dude in a tricked-out motor vehicle, he just set a new cannonball run coast-to-coast record.

Boy, it's been years since I've seen that movie all the way through. The original, I think, didn't. They made more than one. made two cannonball. For sure, too. Back in the late 70s, early 80s, Jesus, a star studded cast, the old cannonball. Anyway, I didn't know there was a real thing,

but there is. This guy just set a new cannonball run coast-to-coast record. He went from one side of our country to the other, in a car, in 22 hours. To be exact, 22 hours and 38 minutes, he drove from Jacksonville, Florida to San Diego, California. I bet he was like hallucinating. I suppose.

Did he wear a diaper? Oh, yeah. Good call. I'd have to. That is a great question, but they didn't really note anything in the story here about food, water, bathroom brakes, nothing like that.

I think he had a navigator with him. Drove a souped up Cadillac. Josh, tell me if you know this vehicle. Cadillac CT4V Blackwing. Yeah, I don't know. a ton of about Cadillacs. Okay. It had a 54-gallon fuel tank,

so they didn't have to stop and fill up. It had been outfitted with laser jammers, which, by the way, if you want to buy those, they say in trade they want $2,000 to $4,000 for a lake. So they're exactly what they sound like. A high test fuzzbuster designed to jam laser detection. It's a nice looking car. On the back of the car, there were three large antennas,

one to monitor the police radio. The other two are CB radios. I don't know why he needed two of them, but he did. Inside the car, I saw inside the car. Cables run in every direction. Multiple screens. One was dedicated to tracking the car. Oh, so people could follow along on the internet and follow their journey.

How fast they were traveling and everything. I wish they would have added in like the average speaking. This article, this is the second article today where I want to know who wrote this. A fourth grader? They leave out all this valuable information. I would love to know the average speed. I want to know what he was listening to. What was his playlist?

Nobody else would have thought of that. They had a screen dedicated to Waze navigation. Is that how I say it? Ways? Yep. So there you go. There's a new cannonball run record, 22 hours and 30. minutes from Jacksonville, Florida,

San Diego, California. He must have really had that some bitch pinned. Is that truly the coast-to-coast, or would it be from Maine to San Diego? I don't know. I'm guessing that's probably the shortest coast-to-coast route you can take. Yeah.

You know, I mean, if you think about the way the country is set up, you probably... It's the shortest route to go from coast to coast to coast. Or Myrtle Beach to Seattle or something. Yeah, there's... There's probably a few ways to draw it up. But this was the route this guy took. And there's a fair amount of open area as you go through New Mexico and Arizona

where you can really punch it. Oh, yeah, you can make up for a last time. Yeah. The latest word is that Kyler Murrah might be able to play in Chicago, but that also might just be troubled Vikings head coach Kelvin O'Connor blowing smoke to try to throw the bears off their game plan. I'm not buying it. Well, he's got to pass concussion protocol first.

Yeah, what is it? Like five different things yesterday? pass? Yeah, and they have to announce that. They can't just hide that. We all know it'll be broken Carson Went start in the ball game. Yeah. Maybe before you know it, we might see totally unproven and injury-prone J.J. McCarthy, too, if the broken one gets more broke.

You know what, screw it. I watch them. I kind of want to see that now. Honestly, yeah, this is just fun. I want one more disaster performance before they trade him to Carolina for a six-round pick or something. I want way more than one. Yeah, then he was a super one. I love it. I love the idea of that kid getting back in the ball game and creating an absolute catastrophe.

So, yeah, sure. It's just so bad. I just want to see him spazzo on the sideline, throws helmet. Oh, by the way, someone has told me that this cannonball run between, what did I say, Josh Jacksonville, Florida, and San Diego, they say 2,340 miles, and he made it in about 22 hours. That makes the average speed 105. Hmm. I would have thought faster than that, really.

105. Yeah, it looks like in the past articles are saying between 110 and 112 is more common. I mean, so you want to go fast, obviously, but you don't want to be ridiculous and kill yourself, kill innocent bystanders,

and attract too much attention from the police, right? Right. Yeah. You want to go like hell, but you don't want to. Twins made a nice comeback in Anaheim last night, but they lost in extras. to the Angels. Bullpen couldn't hold her down.

Game two of four starts at 8.30 tonight or so. What do you make of this? Robert De Niro is in talks to play former Dodgers manager Tommy Lassorda in a new movie. All right. Okay. Sounds all right to me. I'd be cool with that. Sounds better than Dirty Grandpa, too.

Dirty Grandpa, one was terrible. Never saw them. I had to turn it off. So bad. De Niro playing an old Italian. I mean, that's not a stretch for him. No, not at all. Yeah, you played an old horny grandpa.

So weird. They better include, if they're going to tell the story of Tommy LaSota, they better tell the story of when Tommy got the Montreal Expo's mascot thrown out of the ballpark because that was the highlight of his career. That was fabulous. Who's a son bitch up there stomping on our dugout? It's a frigging Montreal Expo's mascot up there being a douche. LaSota says, get him out of here.

friggin, what was this name? Yupi. Yeah. Yupi, the mascot. Ah, all right. Randy Schaber, Bradruder, you guys have a good weekend. Thank you. Okay, thanks.

And we'll talk to you on Monday morning. We'll take a little breather. We'll be back. Oh, oh, I want to tease what direction we're going in next. Earlier on this morning, I mentioned that today is a special day. It's tradesmen's day. Tradesmen and tradeswomen. You have your special day set aside here to honor

all of you hard-ons who fix stuff and build things for us. God knows I would be lost without you. So what we have here in a couple of minutes is an article that's been making the rounds where trades people are making their argument as to why their trade is superior to all the others. So if you have an idea as to why your trade is superior to all the others, feel free to text them to us. 683. No, nope, nope, nope, nope. I was even close to either of them. Well, we used to have the 68683.

Yeah, we did. It's 651. You know, I had the first couple of days I had this nailed. And now suddenly I can't. 651-551-93 is how you get a hold of us. Tell us why your trade is superior to the others. We'll get to that when we return on the program scheme. The 93-X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends.

It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air. condition, I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tuneup or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save. Standard Heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your

joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The leave is where football lives. From the biggest rivalries conference showdowns to every game-changing moment. Believe is where football lives. With more than 500 shows covering NCAA football and the NFL across every major podcast platform,

believe brings you closer to the voices, teams, and stories you love. This season, there's only one network you need to believe in. Believe in the game. Believe Network. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. FAS Morning Show 93X. Is Tradesman Day being hosted at Josh, Josh. house. There will be some trades there today.

He's got Gatorade for everybody. That's a good guest. Yeah, we'll be having a little bit of a pizza party. Celebrating those folks, we appreciate so much. Tradesmen and Trades Women's Day could be hosted over at Cubby's Broken Stupid House that I warned him not to buy years ago. Welcome back to the Half Fast Morning Show. Welcome to National Tradesman's Day. Nice little holiday has been set aside. for all you barrel-chested, tank-assed tradesmen and tradeswomen,

for all the hard labor you endure day after day building us stuff. An article landed here in studio. Tradesmen have upped and made they argument as to why their trade is superior to all of the others. This should be fun. First, let's check in with the brother and beloved sisterhood, our listening audience. They've been bombing the text machine, 651-551-933-93. They've been bombing the text machine with reasons why their particular trade is, as Nachelibre would say, the best. First we've got Chris here.

He's an HVAC tech. He says, which means I'm an electrician, a plumber, and a refrigeration expert squeezed into one guy. in a 140 degree attic. Ironworker Jesus said ironworkers will always reign supreme over those other wusses. Sure, we make less than most and get hurt more than most, and we die earlier than most, but we also hate our job more than anyone else. I think we found our winner. I know an old iron worker, and I met a lot of his co-workers over the years.

And those dudes, I know whenever I bring this up, an iron worker or two will text it and say, you know, a lot has changed. But the guys that I knew back in the 80s and 90s, they were insane. They partied all day and all night and would get about 45 minutes of sleep. And then next thing you know, they're walking around on beams 15 stories in the air. They were the wildest, most fearless, most dangerous set of characters I've ever hung out with in my entire life. I always kind of picture them as big, muscular, tough guys when you hear ironworkers. Some were, some weren't. Yeah, that's a mixture.

I mean, they're certainly tough guys, Josh, but they weren't all big and bad, muscular and whatnot. Certainly tough guys. When you say iron worker, that's just what I think, like giant, like, look like Popeye forearms, that kind of stuff. Two of my brothers are ironworkers and one of them is a bitch, so. See, like I said, times have changed. One of them is exactly how you were describing, though, like tough guy. Don't mess with him. They would drink and other things all night.

Go to bed at 3.45, wake up at 5 a.m. And it's 20 below zero and they're 15 floors up. Got to be tough. I don't get it. The one dude that I knew best on the job, he took his beaters. which is what they call a sledgehammer and he was throwing the sledge hit well not throwing it swinging it at something

it hit something he made a mistake it came back hit him right in the mouth knocked every single one of his teeth out of his oh man and he's 10 stories up he had to somehow keep his balance after blasting himself he deep throat at a sledgehammer and still kept himself on that beam

there was one day where he fell off but he was caught by the netting Yeah, all right. Because I've talked to some older people, and when they were working on, like, the IDS tower and stuff like that, like they said, like, there wasn't, the safety was so different than it is now. Like, they'd be running up on those steel beams with nothing to catch up. Look at the old pictures of the guys building, the Empire State building and whatnot in the, I don't know, 1800s, 19, whatever it was. Sitting there with the lunch pails.

They're all sitting there. So, yeah, the ironworker pal of mine, one. one day something happened. I don't remember the details. He came off the side. And he had a split second where he thought, I'm dead, obviously.

But that netting caught him a couple stories down. Wow. Or else he would have been just a pink spot down on the, okay. Listeners texting in, giving us their argument

as to why their trade is superior to all the others. We got a little bit of everything here, Josh, like a window washer. Oh, you got to have balls for that. They go, weigh the hell up in me? Those people are so cool.

I'm not even really afraid of heights, but I think that would freak me out. They're hanging off the side of the building. Yeah. On a little, on a two by four. That's brave. With some ropes and some. On a windy day. Oh, boy.

Yeah, and then, I mean, you even have those window washers where they're like outside of children's hospitals and they're dressed up in full coffee. Oh, Spider-Man or something? Yeah. Work in the pole, Jesus. It was a great name for his occupation. He's a lineman. He said, we literally control if you have power.

or not, and we always know how to turn you on. There you go. That is a big one. Here's a guy who says, hey, I build machines that package up things like beer and pizza. Huh? That's pretty cool. If it wasn't for this guy, what are they going to put our beer and our pizza in? Runs in the dark cheese, said electricians, they get zero appreciation today.

Please announce this. Thanks, but Lord. Was it because he talked dirty to you that you decided to announce that? I don't know. I loved the way he phrased that whole thing. It's beautiful. And one of my better friends is an electrician, and he needs to hear it. Truck drivers chiming in on our text machine.

They deliver us the pizza and beer. They do. The world wouldn't exist without them. Yep. Peter built Jesus. He says truck driving is the ultimate trade. You can't even begin to build a house unless someone delivers the goods first.

Thanks, but lord. I love the term butlord. Electricians are superior, says, parties in the backyard, Jesus. Electricians are superior because we get to remove your shorts and check your box. They got some like company shirts that say those cute slogans on them or what? Rainy River, Jesus.

brings up a good point that carpentry is obviously superior because Jesus Christ himself was a carpenter. I can't argue with that. I've heard that rumor before. Probably the most famous carpenter out there. That's what Jesus did on the side. Yeah, he was a... Now, you want to talk about some balls, Cubby. Some balls hanging off a couple of our listeners who want to directly go after tradesmen on tradesman day. That doesn't seem right. says right here.

Definition of tradesmen, according to this listener. Dude who can't pass a piss test or keep a wife around. Oh my gosh. There's a cocking Jesus in the listening audience. Cocking Jesus here. My trade is superior because there isn't a crack I can't fill, baby. You nasty cocking Jesus. That's a skill.

Oh, sure. Making it look okay. Cawking. Yep. Tradesman, says this listener. I told you there's a couple folks that they don't show the respect that we do. They want to go after tradesman on Tradesman Day. Well, maybe this isn't, this one isn't an insult, I don't think.

Tradesman keep the lights on at small town liquor stores. It sounds like more of a compliment. This one, though, this one, he says, tradesmen will cast across your line when you go fishing together. You know, mechanics are checking in saying, hey, those trucks that make the world go around, they wouldn't make the world go around if it wasn't for us. That's true.

See, everyone's got an argument and we love it. Farmers are checking and saying, good luck feeding these guys without us. Farmers! All right. Here's the article that directly landed in our laps. trades people making arguments as to why their trade is superior. I don't know. Tell me if they missed one. It seems like they covered damn near every... Okay, electricians, we make sure everyone else's actually turns on.

Plumbers say society lasts about 48 hours without us. Society would last about 48 hours without us before everyone's living in their own filth. turds everywhere HVAC texts everybody suddenly respects us when it's 95 degrees or 10 below you're not wrong those are my favorite people in the world

when they're at my house when my AC isn't working they've saved my ass a couple of times I could just kiss them sometimes carpenters everybody else is basically working on the stuff that we built welders we permanently stick metal together using fire end of argument they say and those cool hoods we were talking about the other day you don't have to wear one of those if you don't want to just for the new guys here's iron workers

checking in in the article we casually walk around hundreds of feet in the air like it's a sidewalk yes you do lineman your power goes out during a blizzard guess who's going outside i do think about that when you get that alert from like Excel energy that your power's out and that they're working to fix it and it's just treacherous outside I'm like you guys are brave well and sometimes big storm I mean these guys are working you know it's 20 hour days for weeks trying to get that stuff sketchy heavy equipment operators say our workday involves playing with a half a million dollar excavator that's pretty cool that does sound fun again law tradesmen arguing why their trade is superior. That's a lot of pressure though. Oh, absolutely. Crane operators. We get to run giant real

life claw machines, except the prize weighs 30 tons. I wonder if I'd be good at that. I wonder, Ashley, how many survivors there would be on the job site? One, maybe one. If they gave me, if they put me behind the wheel of a crane, would there be any survivors on the job site? I'm guessing and maybe one. And it's you? Because he slept in, yeah. I'd love to try that. Oh, I would be so terrified.

It was cool watching the building across from us get all the air conditioners put on the roof. Oh, sweet. Or if you've seen the ones where they'll use a helicopter to put it down? It's madness. I would not only kill everyone on the job site, but whatever I dropped, Ashley, would roll to the next town and kill everyone in that town.

I've told you about this myself, Josh, now, And I even experienced this yesterday when I put together my unicycle. Every time I try to put something together or fix something, I drop the screwdriver, whatever it might be, wrenched screw-dye. I always drop the tool at least four or five times. So you put me behind the wheel of a crane, I'm dropping something. Really? I wonder why that is.

I don't know. I'm always going to drop the tool at least four or five times in the process of whatever. repair I'm undertaken. Ruffers made this argument in the article about why their trade is superior. Boy, when you watch a rougher crew, how quick they can go through all that stuff. And just like the dudes that'll carry a giant pallet of shingles up by themselves. Dude, I went on a walk the other day with my kid and somebody was getting their roof done and we like chilled and watched for a little bit.

And I was like, like, I could see why. I was mostly entertained. I had no idea what he was looking at. Sounds cool. That's funny. I saw an onion headline the other day, Josh, I made me think of you. I'm kind of paraphrasing. I remember the exact wording, but area dad's most exciting moment of the week was watching neighbor get a new roof.

It is exciting. When we had a storm come through, watching all the roofs going up at once was cool. You mentioned the speed that these roofing crews can blast through a job. When I had my house roofed, I don't know, three, four, five, six years ago, Josh, they showed up in their pickup. This is what it seemed to me. I laid down on my couch in the house. It sounded like the drum intro to Hot for Teacher, and then it was over.

Yeah. And it was over. I don't think I'd even completely fallen asleep, and they were done. But now here's what I heard. We got to take a break. But here's what I heard. Again, maybe things have changed. But here's what I heard from a couple of guys that I know that,

got into roofing. And this is one of my favorite stories ever. Day one, new guy, my pal, is up on the roof, day one, and he falls off. He trips over his feet, something, he's nervous. He said he was nervous as all hell going into it because he's not a tough, rough type character. He was afraid that they'd pick on him and everything. Well, they put him on the roof, day one, he comes off. Lans down on a patio, and he said he thought he had broken every bone in his he hears a co-worker approaching. Step right over him. Didn't say a word. I love that. Didn't say, are you? They stepped over him. He said after about five minutes,

he's still trying to collect himself and catch his breath. He's lying on his back. One of the other co-workers handed him a broom and said, we got a couple messes over here. Whenever you get up, you go ahead and went to sweep this up for us, a new guy. They showed him zero sympathy cubby. Maybe it's one of those things where everybody's done it. He just got his done right away on day one. Day one. I wonder.

Because we've had to have our roof replaced twice because of hail. And both times the crews didn't have any equipment, nothing like that. By the way, the dude who fell off the roof was the same guy whose kidneys collapsed live in studio here about 20 years ago. One of my other favorite stories. Oh, really? The same guy who's cute. I didn't know he did room.

Poor guy. Oh, he did it for like a week. Like it didn't last. Yeah. Yeah, we got to get out of here. We got to pull the plug on this nonsense. Before we go, Josh has got to tell everyone what they need to know about tonight's boat ride. But we were talking about the special holiday today.

Tradesman Day. And thank you, everybody, for your text messages. The gimmick today was tradesmen, tradeswomen, texting in and telling us why their trade is superior to all the others. We got some great text messages. Let me tell you, every one of you's got a tough gig. We appreciate what you do. Well, I guess except for this dick right here who texted in. What's this say?

I don't appreciate this guy. He texted in to say, I didn't realize how difficult it was being an electrician until I tried it myself. I was shocked. I appreciate all the other text messages except, no, all he has got tough gigs, and we appreciate it, and you sent in some funny stuff. I guess I have a couple more text messages here. get through and then Josh is going to tell us everything we should expect tonight for the bang boat.

What's this guy say? Oh yeah. I was telling you that story about my pal who tried roofing for a week. Day one, he comes off the roof and they showed him zero sympathy. The regulars, the regular cast, the regular crew showed him zero sympathy. No one asked him if he was okay, nothing. Here's a guy says I was 18 years old. My first day on a conqueror. job, I saw two 60-year-old men who took to fist-fighting while up on the scaffolding. And he said, that was an eye-opener, baby. The two old boys trading, trading punches up on the scaffold. I've mentioned that before.

And when I landscaped, we had just a couple of jobs with concrete. And I've never heard such bad words or seen such rage. Everybody trying to make sure they do it right. There's no time. I mean, that was the worst day on the job. I mean, when everybody hated each other those days. Did they say C.S.R. a lot? Oh, man.

Guys that didn't even swear were swearing. On the roofing thing, Mr. Meng Jesus said he's been a roofer for 25 years now, and you're not wrong about falling. No one gives a crap. It's just a, you dead? No? All right, we'll get back up there. There you go.

Josh, what do you know about the I-B-E-W electricians? I don't know a ton about them. I found out this morning that IBEW stands for, I block every walkway. Oh, I didn't think that's what it stood for. What about tree trimmers, the guy says, sure. You guys put on a great show. You do. I had, oh, it was a wonderful year a couple years ago.

Josh remembers this when I had five trees fall on my property. Oh, yeah, so you just love tree trimers. I hate trees so much. I love to watch trim. How do you say it, Ashley? Tree Trimmers? I love to watch tree trimmers, murder trees. You, like, stand by that, you know, that big machine, they put logs in,

and it just grinds them all up. You just stand there cheering. I love what they do. I love what they do. Yeah, tree trimmers, I'm a big fan. You guys put on a great show. For Christ's sake, you got that one guy on the crew who's got a rope around his waist. He goes to the tippy top of an 8,000 tall-foot tree.

He cuts them down. I love watching trees die. Love sound of chains sauce. I love watching trees. I do. The chainsaw. Well, you know, you've got to be careful with that. It'll make your ass raw.

Tell everyone about the boat. Well, if you're going down to the boat. Why I'm putting this on you, I don't know. I was a little surprise, too. I thought I am. I can chime in and help if you need it, Josh. Tell them about the boat. Well, I can tell you this.

If you haven't been on before and it's new to you, make sure you bring an ID. They need to know your 21. Make sure your guest has an ID as well. There'll be a check-in right there on the dock. It sounds like it's going to be pretty rainy, so we're looking for two of every animal, if you have it, bring on the ark with us. What else?

It's a bar, right? So however you pay for your beers, that's what it costs. Bring all different kinds of money. Yeah, that's how you pay for it. There's food on the boat. From who? From the lookout in Maple Grove. You guys say how great it is.

I haven't been out there. Yeah, it's absolutely great. I love it. I'm very excited. We got a band called Rock Brigade. going to play. Don't worry about the rain that things covered. Multiple levels. There's plenty of your room and you're not going to get wet on the boat. Other than that, what else do we say? Paddleford River Boats, anytime Bail Bonds, thank you very much. I was going to mention that

since they're usually have to wait in a line to get on the boat, so you might want to bring an umbrella or a rain jacket for that line. I'm going to make a rule. No umbrellas, no rain jackets. I think there'll be 93x ponchos available. Oh, yeah, we heard that. They'll be selling them. Okay, and there's some merchandise if you're interested, they'll be selling there as well. You nailed it, Cubby. I think we got everything. Congrats to Dance Dad, Jesus, 21 years sober today. Legs for days, Jesus.

Sent in some good luck to the Annandale Cardinals tonight at the Tackle Cancer Game, which benefits Randy Shavers Foundation. Oh, there you go. Ann and Dale's playing tonight. Happy birthday to Shamar, aka what the sticky Sigma jeans turning 11 tomorrow. Happy 13th tomorrow to Reese from works in the same building as Josh Jesus. You know what we forgot, Josh? What?

Tomorrow's big concert. We'll see everybody at the Megadeth Iron Maiden show. Megadeth Iron Maiden. Yeah. At the new Mystic Lake Amphitheater, which is such a great place. So cool. You guys got a busy weekend. A bunch of birthdays today.

So hope you all have a great one. Big laugh Jesus. Jeff from No F's to Give Ere Jesus. Josh and Christina, Fire Sprinkler, Jesus. Thank you for listening. See some of you tonight on the boat. Right. And for those who won't be there, hope to have you back with us on Monday.

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