93X Half-Assed Morning Show - F, Marry, Kill

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

Originally Aired July 8, 2026: And then the eye fell out. You drive one ugly ass car. Everything you wanna know about emotional support lizards.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-Hapass morning show. Ninety-three. And I can't wait for Friday night. Sitting sail on the St. Croix where everything's going to be just right. Wait, one thing. He attacked our lack of hair. Who did that?

The singer, what a jerk. That effing guy. He doesn't know who he's messing with. With every precious minute, the ticks a while. way. We're that much closer to stepping on board our post-independence day. Booze Cruz party come Friday night. He was joking about no butt plugs, right? No, we're being adults about this day. Trying to be grown up about this one. I suppose we should mention Josh, again, the folks who help this out in this endeavor. Like, say, the donkeys over there at 10K

construction. A bunch of tough guys they are. They think they're tough guys. Yeah, they come off with I find them intimidating. This delivery. They've got a body language about them. You'll see Friday night. Wickedly large forearms. If you haven't met this group of guys and gals, yeah, they think they're tough. They come off, you know, kind of cute.

I'm not buying it, but, you know, they were a major factor in putting this party together. So we thank them. Of course, the folks that still water riverboats. To those of you who missed out on buying a ticket for the boat ride, bear with me. One more thing. just because it's been a stretch of time before we mentioned some of this boat ride information. We remind those of you who are joining us that we're going to throw a meal at you on the boat. There's plenty of beer and hard liquor to go around if you have money to pay for it.

And there will be prizes and concert tickets up for grabs. Hell, Josh, a live DJ on their summers. DJ Chris. All the hits. DJ Chris going to be there. Nothing but hits out of DJ Chrisis. The commemorative special edition 20 and 26 Booz Cruise T-shirt will be for sale on the boat as well. Let's be stinking adults about this.

Grow up, sit down, shut up, and enjoy the boat ride. It was great. Your wife and I bonded yesterday over text, both talking about maybe we could talk to DJ Chris about turning the volume down a little bit. Yeah. And I typed back. Yeah, that's why I don't like going on the top floor there. And then I thought, well, there's about four other reasons. So I rattled off all the reasons I don't like going on the top floor and realize maybe the music is just a small part of it.

Give us the reasons why you don't like going on the top deck. The heat. Yeah. No, I see. I don't like the heat. I mean, it is seven. It's going to be seven, eight o'clock at night. I mean, that ought to help you a little bit.

No, not me. Not you. Yesterday I went outside to take the dogs out about that. time and I thought this is awful out here. I know you hate the heat, but it's also interesting that when it is hot and you do have to go outside, you still wear a hooded sweatshirt. Well, I don't want anybody to get turned on by my body. Your body, you hate your own body. The heat is part of the reason why you don't like going to the tizop. I like being closer to a bathroom. Sure, when you got to go potty. You drink a lot of Coca-Cola's. Yeah, so that's the other one. I like being right

next to the bar and they're less busy on the first and second floors. Sure. So I can get my diet Coca-Cola. You have to go to the bathroom quite a bit. Or some ice water. There were other reasons? Those were all of them. But the music is a big part of it.

You know, when I was younger, that didn't bother me whatsoever. But now I'm getting old, it's like, it doesn't need to be that like. It's a little loud. You can't talk to anybody. Then you're, and I lose my voice so easily just talking that when I have to yell up top, it's even worse. Do you think we could get you to turn the music down so the boys? can talk, what movie, one flew over the cuckoo's nest.

I'm with you on a lot of that, Josh. We're just trying to be adults about the situation. Let me ask you a quick question. I'm not complaining, but a quick question about these wonderful intro songs you've been putting together all week teasing our party on Friday night. It's been an all-country vibe this week. Is there any reason behind that? And before the end of the week, will we possibly get to hear you explore another genre?

I thought about that. There's actually, there's a technical reason. And the first reason is that I'm hearing all kinds of country in my house now. So it's just, I'm in the zone. The country comes to mind. That sucks. But the second reason is, so it's this, all I do is I just write lyrics, give a little bit of instructions, and AI kicks out this song in 15 seconds.

Sure. Right? Easy enough. The longest part is just writing something out. But it's the easiest to hear as far as all the genres. Like if you, some of the rock ones, you can't tell what the, The lyrics are saying. And I know a lot of times you have trouble hearing that.

You're exactly right. So instead of you having to go, what do he say? What was that? So even some of like the hip hop, I tried that. But the rock certainly. The rock one sound cooler, but you can't tell what he's saying. Or she. That has been a problem.

You're right. I have a real tough time when you've made the hard rock parody songs, whatever you want to call them, AI songs. The rap ones, tough to follow the lyrics. There you go. Maybe I'm just going to make a request like you can make to DJ Chrisis Friday night on the boat. I'm sure the guy will take requests, although we've required him. We've requested that he only plays the hits.

I want to make a request to you. Could you try a power ballad before the end of the week? You know how you and I love a good power ballad? Let me. If it doesn't work out, that's fine. I can maybe try one while we're sitting here. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Maybe we can get a carry on amongst yourselves. I was just looking at something over here. A hypothetical type of a thing. One of those, you get a million dollars, but first you have to do this or that type of a deal. I'm sure you've seen them up and down on the godless internet. I know we've discussed things like this afore on the program.

Like, for example, one of these hypothetical type of things where you get a million dollars in trade. I know this is one of your favorites, Josh, of all time, one of your favorite hypotheticals. You get a million bucks, but first... I'll do it. You don't have to say. You don't even have to hear the...

Oh, I guess I didn't think of crimes. You get a million dollars, Josh, but first, unga bunga. No, no? No, I am not doing unga bunga. Okay. And that's a trick, by the way. If anybody offers you something bad or unga-bung-bung. unga-bonga. You know, something bad is like death.

Yeah. It's a trick. It is a trick. Because they're going to kill you with unga-bonga. This has a Minnesota vibe now, okay? There's a series of hypotheticals here. In order for you to land a million dollars, you have to do this or that, and there's a very Minnesota theme to it. Now, I think it was meant for you to choose one of the hypotheticals. I think it was meant for you to...

That's my impression, yeah. For you to choose one of the... hypotheticals and then you get the million dollars but I think that's way too easy like here's the the report you get a million dollars but first you have to move to the boonies of Wisconsin is one example I I think I'd love that another would be you have you're never allowed to go to the state fair again and see Josh for a million bucks right would say no to that yeah a lot a lot of things I'll start my own state fair yeah there's Josh state fair we were talking about rules by the way

you'll hear some songs. No butt plugs. We were talking about this off air, and we agreed that this is all way too easy. What, I can't go to the state fair ever again. Look, I love the state fair. But if you're going to give me a million dollars in trade, F, the state fair.

I got to move to Wisconsin. So what? So I think, in order to make this interesting, I think you should have to complete every single one of these hypotheticals for that million dollars. So let me read you all of them. And then you tell me what you think. Could you go along with all of these hypotheticals

for that million dollars in trade. And Josh, if ever you're ready to dump that power ballad, Yeah, I got it ready. Oh, wow. That was fast. I requested Josh make a power ballad version of our booze crew's rally song about, you know, let's be adult about this. That's the motto of this year's book.

Let's, let's, let's, uh, so I haven't heard it, obviously. Letter Buck. But it kicks out a couple of different versions. Okay. It didn't shorten it up. Midway through and I can't wait for Friday. Sitting sail on the same crooks Where everything's going to be just right

Where your funny shirt Or your... Well, the singer... The singer sounded very... But it was very nickelback also, if you ask me. Yeah, once it kicks in. The intro kind of sounded like Burning Heart by Vandenberg. Do you have any memory of that song?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Or Save Your Love by Great White. Anyway, so there's... Do you want another one? Yeah. So if you have, like, different subscriptions, they'll give you a lot more. This is incredible. Every time you do this, every time you go through this routine with the AI,

I can't believe how easily this can be done. Yeah, it's weird. Midway through the week. Yeah, it's like. And I can't wait for Friday night. Yeah. He can't wait. No.

Sitting sail on the same crooks where everything's going to be just right. Pause. He said that X. He said the X, yeah. He said St. Croix. Every much while you get that, like you'll have to have a creative spelling to try and get him say it correctly. I love it. I love it.

I want to hear when it kicks in. Come on. Where you find a shirt or your faith because this is legend. He's rockish. Is there something about the fact that you have been pumping out country versions that even even though you've asked AI now to do power ballads, there's still a country feel to it? I have no idea. It's weird, right?

Because the singer still sounds very countrified. Yeah. Where that had more of a three doors down vibe to me. That's incredible. I'm a fan of that. I love when you pump out those frigging tunes. Okay, let's get back to this hypothetical thing. Something that popped up online.

You get a million dollars, but in trade, you got to go through. through with this or that or this or that. We mentioned that it was written up to where you'd only have to complete one hypothetical for that million dollars, but that looked to be way too easy. And there's a Minnesota vibe to it. So I'm saying you've got to complete all of these different tasks in order to gain that million dollars. You tell me if you'd go through with it.

Okay, so we start with you, move to the boonies of Wisconsin. Easy. Right. If that's all you're asked of, yeah, who to hell wouldn't say, sure, give me the million dollars. But that's just one. The next, I already mentioned, you're never allowed to go to the state fair again. And also on top of that, you can't have people bring you your favorite state fair food. Ah, man. She's on a stick. That sucks, but whatever. I bet you could find it somewhere else, too, Ashley. A very close friend of yours will narrowly survive a massive goose attack as part of this. hypothetical.

Oh, yeah. I mean, that sucks to be them, but yeah. Especially if I got to pick the friend. You gain a million dollars, but, okay, you got to move to the boonies of Wisconsin. You're never allowed to go to the state fair again. And one of your close friends is going to lose their nipples in a goose attack. Again, it's meant to have a Minnesota vibe, right? Okay, you know, so we all know, we've all been in that situation, right?

You walk out your front door and there's 15 geese, right? Wait a minute. Is this it for me? You walk out of your place of business. He's usually turkeys or geese hanging around. The turkeys. And they look at you like they want to kill you so badly. It's a standard frame of your car and like dare you to do something about it.

They do. All right. All of these hypotheticals will gain you the million dollars. All of them combined. The Vikings finally win a Super Bowl, but it's the year after you die. Who cares? I'll be dead. That's fine.

Who cares about the Vikings winning a Super Bowl? Okay. Here's one that might F with some of you. Some of you. The average Minnesota winter, after you get this million dollars, the average Minnesota winter will get 20% longer and 20% colder. I love winter. I'd be cool with that.

Okay, some people wouldn't be. I wouldn't want to move to a climate that didn't have winter. 20% longer. Yeah, but that's a lot. Can anyone do the arithmetic? So how much further? Geez, it kind of depends on the year, right? Sometimes it's winter starts in October and other years you wait until January.

And colder, 20% colder, that's a pretty good chunk. Uh-huh. Yeah, that would really mess with you. As an avid endorsement, doesn't do much for me. You're not bothered, okay. Your favorite neighborhood roadhouse bar or restaurant shuts down. Again, not everyone's passionate about that kind of. of a thing, but some are. I would be pretty devastated if my favorite, maybe devastated is a little

dramatic, but it would really bother me if my favorite roadhouse suddenly was gone forever. I've spent my entire life in the joint since I was a five-year-old kid. So that factors into it for some of us. Again, with the Minnesota vibe, okay, here's another little challenge for you in order to gain this million dollars. Anytime you meet someone new, you have to ask them if they know that Prince was from Minnesota. Oh, I hate myself so much for that. That was pretty funny. It gets so old.

I don't want to do that. Eventually, someone is going to punch you in the jaw. Yes. But you have to ask that question to anyone knew that you meet. You know Prince, right? The Purple Rain, right? And the guy says, yeah. You know he's from Minnesota.

soda, right? I'm sure there are people that do that. Oh, yes, they do. It drives me up a effing wall. All right, we're not done yet. Okay. Again, this is, this would present a problem for some, not many. You want a million dollars, but a thousand dollars is deducted from your account anytime you say ufda or op. I'd be in trouble. Out loud. You'd be in trouble on which account? Both.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, I'd say both. As a matter of fact, sometimes I have to go back and delete the beginning of a text or email because I even throw that in like oof or oopta at times, you know? You write the words? Yeah. So I'm like, oh, my car broke down. I'm like, oofta, sorry.

You know, something like, so I have to, because I use it too much. That wouldn't trouble me. I'd lose money quick on that one. wouldn't trouble my account. I'll give you some shock color training, Josh. Anytime you see it, I give you the buzz. Oh, wow. Okay. Anytime you have outdoor plans. Anytime for the rest of your effing life when you have outdoor plans, it's either 110 degrees outside or a winter storm disaster. No, I'm done. Now that would F my life completely. I don't want a million bucks then. Ashley's out. Ashley's out. She's no longer wants to. She's no longer.

wants the monies. That's the biggest negative of them all right there, is it not? Yeah, definitely. Because you'd be living in a rural Wisconsin, and anytime you go outside, it's either 110 or a winter storm. So you basically, you've got to be a home body in Wisconsin somewhere. You know, we could have cut to the chase and just said, you get a million dollars if you never go outdoors ever again.

After reading this hypothetical, you're basically being asked to never go outdoors ever again. A million dollars is a lot of money. But maybe not enough. No, I love going outside. Anyone else out? Ashley's out. I'm still in.

I think I'm out. I mean, it's a million bucks. I know, but I think I'm out too. Because of that outdoors deal. I'll just host everything indoors. I'm cool with that. Oh, I would go absolutely crazy. And the final final is kind of cute.

Aggravates me. You can't leave the house or start your day at all until you've watched. the entirety of the old Christmas movie filmed here in town by the name of Jingle All the Way. I do like that movie. Nobody likes that movie. I think you drive you crazy pretty quickly if you've got to spend 90 minutes watching each morning. Any movie every single morning, but still, I like that movie.

Oh, nobody likes that movie. Phil Hartman was so funny in that one. After, at first I thought this was going to be pretty chicken dick. overall, and I thought we would all agree to these scenarios and easily grab that million dollars. But now at the ass end here, yeah, I don't think I'm going to do it. Nope, because of the last two? Yeah, because of the last two. I bet you, if it was just one, you could, the worst one on here, would that be the weather one at the end?

Yeah. Jingle all the way. I know, and she hate that. Either one of them. Either one of them are enough for me to back out. God dang it, I thought I had that million bucks. No, effing way. I would, I mean, I wouldn't live terribly long

if every day I had to watch jingle all the way. You would find me, I would drink myself to death. See what I'm saying? The million dollars, I wouldn't, unless I spent it all in a week, it wouldn't be worth it because I'm dead within a few months. Now, a few people have, I noticed this as well, but I thought maybe it was just, we're reading too much into it, where it says outdoor plan.

Just don't make plans. Like if you just show up at an outdoor event. But I'm assuming it's just anytime you want to do something. Well, I suppose that's a plan. Yeah, exactly. You're just saying, like, I'm going to go outside today. Now we're getting, we're getting technical about the word clients. I think they just, I think it's more than that.

But who knows? You think the list was meant to say anytime you go out of doors? Yeah, anytime you think, I'm going to go outside. Right. All right. Only couches pull out Jesus. That's the first time I've heard that one. Sorry, I stuttered, but that was a first for me.

Only couches pull out Jesus. He says, what if you changed it to $10 million? Yeah. But I'd go crazy. $10 million. That's a huge amount of money. but still I got to watch that movie every morning still every time I go outside it's hotter than Dutch love or brutally cold and windy winter storm type of the thing I'd be able to take it if it was like either really really hot or rainy because I love the rain I'd be able to handle that but yeah they don't cold or the heat like that that that sucks those are your only two options 10 million does it change it for I would think about that like your light you would have nothing to do

You don't have to go to work. You've got no responsibilities. Your bills are paid. But, I mean, I just want to go to a Timberwolves game, and it's 55 below zero. I want to go get a sandwich at Subway, and it's 110. Yeah, but you're at that point. In the movie, every morning, Josh, the movie. I understand all that, but think you're, you're, you go into your climate-controlled garage.

Keep in mind, you're a millionaire, and then you get into your climate-controlled Mercedes or whatever it is, rich people drive. And you walk 10 feet. into Subway and then back you're going to be fine. 10 million bucks. 10 million bucks. I don't know. You are becoming pretty convincing. Yeah.

I don't often know. I'd be different if it's like... I'd be on a beach, though. And like comfortable weather. You want to go to the beach? You want to go to the beach? Buy one of those air-condition suits. I just saw you can buy an air-condition suit.

I want to be out in a swimsuit. All you want to do is go to the beach, huh? Yeah. You got it. But first, unga-bung. Don't do it, Ashley. No. Don't do it.

Ah, there you go. What else is going on around here? Oh, my God. It's already five after six. So we'll be moving on in a minute here. It is National Video Game Day for you video game enthusiasts. It's been a really long time since I've played video games. I bet.

Why is? Oh, you've got some. I forget. You have a. Were you still? It seemed like you weren't. playing as much even before you had your kid. Yeah, it got kind of boring when I stopped smoking weed.

That made the difference? Yeah, it didn't hit the same. Video game day. On a national level, Josh. This isn't local. No, it's a big deal. This isn't a city thing or a county thing or a statewide. This is national.

Oh, sure. Video games have played a role in all of our lives to a certain extent. I had my love affairs with Gallagher. I had my, I mean, I think you could even define it as an obsession with Little League baseball. That game was great. I got weird with that, too. I got sucked in and dragged into some dark places by Mike Tyson's punch out. That'll stick with you.

you know, and I'm a friggin novice, but yet even I've had those nights where you just can't put it down. A buddy of mine, I benefited greatly from his parents' divorce because they both wanted to show him who the more loving parent is. So he had so many awesome gifts.

And mom and dad got him sometimes the same thing. So he had an extra Nintendo, the original Nintendo, yeah. And he's like, hey, you can just borrow this for the summer. I'm living with my dad for the whole summer, so he gave me the one he added his mom's house. It was awesome. Now, we did have to play on a 13-inch black and white TV, but still, we never had anything like that. Yeah. And it was awesome. And so all those games you mentioned. The black and white TV, dude, that was the same way I started with home, as far as home consoles

go, my parents wouldn't buy us the real Atari because that cost, I don't know, $27. So we had to get the $17 imitation console. And it came with the rip-off of asteroids, not the original. It was the rip-off of asteroids, where the boulders were kind of square. And it was, if you know, asteroids, you know what I'm talking about.

But yeah, we played it in the basement, the ice-cold, damp, bug-ridden basement. We played it on a little black-and-white television. But Little League Baseball was the game in the early 90s where I actually had my hometown police after me. Because I rented it from a local grocery store and refused to return it. Absolutely refused until I had the police calling my home.

I remember being threatened by Hollywood video with that. We had a movie we totally forgot about, went in there and they're like, hey, you got 300 bucks in late fees, bro. Dude. And I thought, 300 bucks is going to take me forever to me. I was making $4.25 an hour. I don't know what I'm going to do. And the guy's like, well, you can buy it for 20.

I'm like, oh, okay. I'll just buy it. Oh, they gave you that offer. Yeah. Oh, I had no idea that was even a possibility. I didn't receive that offer. They basically said, bring this effing thing back or we are going to beat you into next week. I wish I could remember the VHS tape it was.

It was something dumb. It's so much so that we forgot we had. Oh, I'd love it if you could recall. We used to rent a lot of Bruce Lee movies, all the Dorf movies. Dorf on golf, things like that. You never got into those. Dorf? Strange brew. Now, wait a minute, Covey.

Tim Conway is one of the funniest men who ever lived. The man who played Dorf. But that character troubled me. I could not get into Dorf on golf. I apologize. It sounds like you're very passionate about it. Oh, no, I was just telling you, that's when we rented. I mean, you had such a, by us, we had a really tiny, no-name movie rent.

place. So there wasn't a lot of options. But I did like, I did like those doors. But Tim Conway and Harvey Corman on the old Carol Burnett show. Anyway, happy national video game day to all you junkies. We ought to get going again. The stupid news will be right around the corner here on the half-ass morning show. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and air conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93x.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

And it spells relief for you. Jim Rome takes on sports. Part of what makes this show, the show, is the show within the show. The biggest topic on the show always seems to be the show itself. This is a way to give you clones, a way to interact with. one another, yes, we will be going through the chat. Yes, it'll be a part of the program. The only thing that could ruin the show are the old school clones

spitting up the same bull crap that they always have. The jungle is out taking names and ready to dominate. Let's get it. The Jim Rome Show podcast. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Yeah. We're just about set for that stupid.

Stupid news report, but first a question has been texted in to our texting machine. The numbers you punch in in order to contact us via a text machine or a text message is 651-989933. Everyone thank the people from Luther Bloomington, Kia. Thank you. Thank you. Dan Dingman, best buns in the car business. He's my guy. I'd buy anything from Dan Dingman.

As a matter of fact, I get my weed from Dan Dingman. Oh, hell yeah. They say he's got an ass like a $2 mule. And I'm not the only one who agrees with that. So here's the text that came in. Someone wants to know, did you see Kuku Kangaroo was on television last night

on a program called America's Got Talent? Were they really? Oh, that's awesome. My answer was, no, I did not see the program. Everyone's Got Talent. What did I say? America's Got Talent. America's got talent. No, one of our favorite local acts, Cuckoo Kangaroo. We've had the boys in studio once or twice over the years. It's been a while since I've heard or seen the act.

I'm glad that person texts that because just maybe it was last week. Yeah, last Tuesday, my brother-in-law text me. And he's in a group, like a comedy group. And he said, do you know Cuckoo Kangaroo? And I told him like, yeah, I love those guys. I've seen him. Perform a couple times. they've been in studio. He said, yeah, he was talking about you guys and said he really enjoyed coming on the show and that they have a good relationship with us and everything. So shout out to them because that was cool that he brought that up. Well, yeah, hello to Kuku Kangaroo. I love you. The friends and the family of that band, hello from the Half-Ass Morning Show. How did they do last night? Can anyone, whoever texted in?

This was news to me. I didn't know that. Whoever texted in, can you get back to us and tell us how they did on the program? cuckoo kangaroo. I don't know what, 10 years ago or more, they hit it big with some songs like I speak whale and everyone poops or something like that.

I have one about cats that I really like. I think it's like cat party or something like that. That sounds familiar. It's a good one. They're wonderfully talented guys, and I hope they performed well last night on America's Got Talent. Ah, they got eliminated. Stupid.

Those judges are. I just don't know what they're doing. Who are the judges on America's got talents? I don't know. You don't know? I've never, never saw it. We should write the show and complain. I saw a couple.

That's when Howard Stern was on for a while, right? I have no idea. If it was, I watched that. Is it, and then Howie Mandel? I could, maybe I have these kind of missed. I don't watch a lot of those shows. Yeah, we don't know. I watched Howard Stern a few times.

That's great. And now you got me thinking of that other cat song, Ashley. It wasn't Cuckoo Ken. Remember the old cat song? And he don't. Dude, I was just thinking about that last night. That is weird. And he don't even know he's going to die.

Yeah. Stupid cat. There was a... What was that from? You haven't heard stupid cat? I know. It just came off the internet a number of years ago. It's an old one.

I know the lyric I was thinking about... Honestly, it was just like two days ago was because he's got no frame of reference. Yeah. So stupid. Here we go. I love it. Oh, I hate this computer.

Yeah. The computer sucks. It does this to me all the time. But this has got to be 15 years old or something. We've been playing this stupid cat on and off on this program for many years. I played off of YouTube, but I'm pretty sure there's some bad words. I haven't heard it in a long time. God, I hate the way they changed this.

And he don't even know he's going to die. All right. We'll see if we can pump that one your way before too much time goes by. But again, congratulations to Kuku Kangaroo. All the success and love in the world to those gentlemen. Good guys. Funny stuff. This here is a blast from the past when I see and then read the name Kylie Minogue out loud. Hell, I think she hit it big as a singer back when I was in high school.

Cubby, she cut loose back in the day with a song about doing the damned loco motion. I think I have the right lady. A couple of my old high school pals would just squirm in their chairs when her music video came on the television. She was a cupcake. Yeah, pretty lady. An Australian gal, too, I believe. Did I get it right? Didn't she come at us with the loco motion?

Yeah, that's your song. Oh, okay. Here's why and how Kylie Minogue is part of today's report. The Prime Minister of Australia, a fellow called Anthony Albanese. He's had to up and apologize for making, quote, inappropriate comments about Kylie Minogue. Well, that's embarrassing that he's had to apologize.

It says here the prime minister dude made an appearance on a podcast. Oh, of course. A podcast. Everybody's got one. The podcast has a title with a clever little double entendre. They call it the Bush Deep podcast. Right? It's Australian.

You know, you get the two meanings for the word. Uh-huh. Bush. So on this silly, yeah, that's kind of how I reacted. That's all you gave it? Bush. All right, yeah. I get it.

So on this silly Australian podcast, Prime Minister Albanese, he was asked by the host of the program, who he would quote shag, who he would marry and who he would date. Shag. Right. And his choices were Kylie Minogue, Nicole Kidman. the actress, don't you know? Love her. And his final choice was someone named Rhonda Birchmore. Now, initially, the prime minister dude tried to avoid answering this question.

He's a prime minister, for Christ's sake. He said also that he just got married and wasn't looking to start trouble with the old lady. The hosts of the program, they pushed and pushed for him to answer, and he folded. We're at rapid-fire questions. Now, every guest gets asked. these. Marry, date. Kylie Minogue, Nicole Kidman, or Rhonda Birchmore.

I've just got married. I'm only six months in. But if it goes up, let's just pretend. Oh, Kylie, clearly. You'd marry Kylie. And data? All of the above. All of the above.

All right. It's a triple. I feel bad for him. He was barely pressured. Are you serious? That's all it took was her going like, come on. Like once? You know, he's trying to play along. He's in a tough spot.

All right. So you heard him there. He said clearly Kylie Minogue. They asked him if he meant he would marry Kylie or F her or date her, he said, all of the above. She's terrific. Well, now the dumb bastard has all the straight-laced folks in Australia looking to kick his ass. They're calling him a sexist. They're calling him disrespectful.

They're calling him an embarrassment. They're calling him a cuck. But here's my question, Josh. What's a guy with that type of gig doing on a podcast called Bush Deep or whatever the hell it's called? You got to know you're taking your chances with that. Yeah, probably. That's on him. You think so?

I still kind of, because I, I mean, we've been in that situation. There's plenty of times where I thought, geez, I wish I didn't play along with that, but I was just trying to help the bit. Sure. You're a helpful guy. And there's, you know, that's not that uncommon anymore where politicians are going on popular podcasts. Yeah, it's not 1976 anymore. I understand that for sure. I admit that he should have maybe not said it, but at the same time, I mean, cut the guy some slack.

Maybe I'm off on this. I don't know. So he has apologized or he plans to apologize or something. Who cares? Back to Kylie Minogue says here. She's all locked in to star alongside Quentin Tarantino in a new motion picture. That sounds awful to me. Does?

Yeah. I mean, I would have no interest in that, but I bet as somebody who wants to get it. in no movie, he's not a bad guy to team up with. Well, I mean, as a director or a creator, yes, but to act alone, I mean, Quentin Tarantino as an actor is absolutely awful. He's terrible. Yeah. I can't remember.

Yeah, you had to be there, I guess. He pops in a couple movies here and there as himself. His movies are unbelievable. I love most of. I love that. What's the one that I love so much? Jango Unchained? Yeah. Holy Christ, I love that movie. That's a great movie. I love when they kill that

son of a bitch bastard, what's his name? The guy that bones all the 21-year-old. Leonardo. I love when he kills Leonardo DiCaprio dead. Django Unchained. What's happening? Yeah, Kylie Minogue. Well, I haven't heard that name in a long time.

And yes, I know that Grand Funk Railroad originally did the Locum, or something. I don't know. It's funny. I said, yeah, she sang the Locomotion. Got six text messages. That was Grand Funk Railroad. Yeah, I know. She also said.

I also. You were talking about that version. They're passionate about 70s rock. I don't have a problem with that. I'm also passionate about the old rock. People that are also texting and saying the real game to play is F. Mary Kill. I've never played these games before. I've heard about it.

Oh, really? No. Yeah, F. Mary Kill was very, very common. Well, do one to Josh. Do an F. Oh, I don't want to answer. Why don't you want to? I'm not going to kill somebody on the radio here.

Go ahead. You understand you don't have to legitimately kill somebody. I don't want to suggest that I was going to kill somebody. Because what if the person dies under mysterious circumstances? Yeah, they're going to look at you. You're right. Whatever. All right.

I guess I had thought that this gimmick had come and gone already. The emotional support animal gimmick. Now, I want to be clear. I'm sure there are many folks out there who, do truly need their pet to help them along in one way or another. Definitely. The gimmick I'm talking about is all the dorks out there who pulled the emotional support animal bit just because they were jealous that someone was getting something that they weren't.

Do you know what I mean by that? Yep. There were people out there who got uppity when the emotional support pet movement happened. And they all, it was like the, well, how come they're allowed to bring their dog in this store, but I can't? I've got a dog too. Those are the people I'm talking about. Like the dudes who complain about ladies' night specials at your neighborhood bar. Well, why isn't there a men's night?

They actually got abolish in Minneapolis, didn't they? For that very reason. I mean, yeah, it worked. So stupid. Guys, that means there's going to be a lot of ladies at the bar that night. Yeah, so people just don't get it. So anyways, a dude in Scotland has upped and refused to do community service unless his emotional support lizard can come with him.

Now, I'm just saying, my opinion, I think this guy is just doing this to make things difficult because he's pissed off that he got in trouble. So he's got to make everything a pain in the ass now. He is refusing to go ahead with his court-ordered community service unless his pet bearded dragon can accompany him. His name is Terry. Not Uncle Terry.

That's too bad. I know. If this was Uncle Terry, I'd have a completely... Of course I would. You know he has no ill intent. Uncle Terry effing rules. It's just plain old Terry. He's 38 years old.

And again, he's from Scotland or some god-awful place like that. He was convicted of dangerous driving. He's got to do the community service. His lawyer has identified his bearded dragon as an emotional support animal. Terry even up. and said, we don't go anywhere without each other. He says his dragon helps him from getting agitated. The court, who has to decide on this nonsense,

is delaying their decision until Terry has a psychiatric exam. It's very possible that he does need his lizard. I'm just saying, I got a feeling this guy's just trying to piss people off. It's just a feeling, Cubby. Yeah, or take advantage of it. You know, I want to hang out with my lizard. Yeah, it's not fair to other people. So how do you play F. Mary Kill?

Well, you'd name three people. Okay. And you have to say which you do to which person. Okay. Anyone got three people? I'll Google some examples. Yeah, go ahead. Dana's going to Google some examples.

F. Mary Kill, Josh, me, Dana. Oh. Yeah. Just like that. I didn't know what would get so personal. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So it can get person? Yeah, people in the room. Oh, yeah. It was always people in the room. And there's a lot of times hurt feelings too, and that's the best part. So I have to choose. And it can't be all the same person. I've made that mistake before.

You get to choose the order. You got to pick each person has to have something different. All right. So I'm going to sit here and play the game. F. Mary Kill. And my choices are Josh, Dana, Ashley. Obviously. That's hard.

obviously I am going to F Josh like he has never been Fed before because the sum bitch has wanted it since the day we met He's doing the high kicks Sit down Don't dance he's dancing And he's slat down

This is the greatest day ever You're going to need all the rest you can get If you and I are going to do it So sit down I'm going to sun tan today I'm going to look good You have wanted me to bang you from the word go, so I'm going to F Josh. Sit down. Will you please?

He's doing these crazy dances. I'm pumped. How's my breath? Okay, so I've decided who I'm going to F. Gross. Oh, you know what? Does it count? We already did it.

I forgot we already did it. Is that okay that we already have sex? Yeah, that's okay. That's fine. Remember Jamaica? Oh, okay. I mean, neither of us finished, but you know what I mean? We did it.

We didn't go all the way. It was late. All right, who am I, I'm going to marry, I'm going to marry Dana. You want to know why? Why? Ashley's a mother. Huh? What?

Ashley's a mother. Yeah. You're going to deprive. Do I got to, am I playing the game or am I not playing the game? I'm just saying, I mean, you have a. choice. I know I have a choice and I've made them. I'm going to marry Dana. Do

you want to know why? Why? Because I can control that bitch. I can control you. You will be Dana get me a beer. Yes. Just be the lap dog. You will be my little play thing.

Ashley So I'll be the one driving to you to Ashley's funeral. Yes. You need a chauffeur? I need a drive. You can't come to my funeral if he killed me. Look. No.

Dana will say, today's the day of Ashley's funeral. And I'll say, well, you're driving, bitch. I've been drinking all day. And yes, I'm going to have to go ahead and kill Ashley. And I have reasons behind all of this. Of course. Because I'm going to prove that it can be done. I don't think it'll be easy.

A lot of folks don't think it can be done. I'm going to prove it can be done. No, no, it ain't going to be easy. We're both going to be covered in blood by the time it's over. It's going to be exhausted. I will. Oh, it's going to be like the ending of the movie, the gray, Nick. The gray.

It's going to be just like the ending of that. We're stalking each other in the woods for that one final kill. Yes, the gray. I love that movie. That's a great movie. Want to know why I love that movie? Why? Everybody dies.

You do like a sad ending. Yeah. Well, most people will consider it sad. For you, it's just an ending. I'll miss you, Ashley. That's fine. I'm going to show up. at your funeral, freshly effed, and say some nice things about you.

Thank you. That's so kind of you. Freshly effed. I know I'm glowing and I seem very excited, but I am terribly sad that Ashley's gone. Just disheveled. Forgot about Jamaica. We have done it once before. That was the, you guys know the story where Josh is like, Nick, kiss me.

And I said, I don't want to kiss you. And he said, please, just kiss me. I said, no, I don't want to. He said, just give me one kiss. Would you please kiss me? I said, look, bro, I probably shouldn't even be banging you right now. Yeah. All right, we got some things here now that might just end up in the medical record books.

In the medical... This guy gave himself a terrible beating. He gave himself the beating of a lifetime. He did. Some peckerhead over there in China. He slapped himself upside the head so many damn times that one of his... eyes came loose and the eye fell out. Or it damn near fell out.

I don't know you can do that. Yeah, you can. Believe it or not, this was a superstitious thing that the dude was involved in. According to what I'm reading here, dude had one eye that wouldn't stop a twitching. That does piss me off so much when that happens. It was always a bouncing around in the eye socket. One eye was always like twerking. It's the worst, too, when you're talking to somebody and you know what's happening.

And then you want to address this. I don't know what you're talking about. You guys have a problem where your eye twitches around inside the eye socket? Sometimes. Every once in a while. Wow. I've never noticed it, Josh, from any of them. It's not very frequent.

Okay. So our dude here, for some damn reason, he thought that, well, I guess I have a reason. Dude thought the twerky eye was a sign of bad luck. so to rid himself of that bad luck all day long he would take to punch in himself in that eye papa papa over and over again he'd sock himself in the eye eventually that eye couldn't take the beating and it tried to fall out i've never heard of anything like this in my uh pointless life have you ever you know with your heart stuff that you got to deal with sadly um thought about beating your heart

up out of anger. Are you kidding me? Like you can just put some boxing gloves on your heart? Two days ago. Two days ago. I think of just punching myself in the chest. F you are? Oh yes.

Oh yes. It's maddening. Oh, I don't blame you, man. Feel for you. So it says here now, Josh, in many cultures, a twitching eye is considered a bad omen. According to popular Chinese this and that,

a twitching left eye brings wealth. A twitching right eye brings disaster. Oh, I'll have to pay more attention next time. So the guy's right eye was bouncing around and he would punch the balls off

of it. So he's walking around China looking like Rocky Balboa. He decided to finally go see a doctor and they're going to straighten this deal out one way or another. He just needs to stop tuning himself up like that for cripesake. The eye

almost fell out. I wonder if it's one of those things, you know, do you guys get, when you go to the doctor, and now they start asking you to, like, circle your mood in the various emoji places, and then do you feel safe at home, that kind of stuff? Do you guys get those questions? This guy, I'm sure, they're for sure going to ask about that.

He's coming in with black eyes. What the hell's wrong with you? That was one of the questions I feel at the doctor's office on that pamphlet that they hand you. One of the questions was simply, what the hell's wrong with you? What's your problem? I said, I don't know.

Let's get right down to it. That's your job. I said, that's what you folks are here to figure out. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just effed my best friend, married a guy that I work with, and killed a lady. Someone. We all adore. So you tell me what's wrong with me.

That's a big 24 hours. Hey, I'm playing the game. F, Mary, kill. All right. I'd like to go first. Well, I suppose it's first in order. Yeah. I want to get the effing over with. Oh.

Well, that means you guys can come to our wedding then. How heartbroken are you going to be after I give you the boning of a lifetime? I up and marry some other guy. Trust me, that popped into my head. Oh, that does so. I wouldn't want to be the other man in that relationship. All right, this guy's been through it. This effing guy.

Now we're out there in Spain. Don't you know. Spain. And this effing guy is likely pretty well emotionally drained after this effing gong show. The guy wakes up one day with a brutal headache. Won't go away. All day and all night, he's got this effed headache. Naturally, he ups and goes to see a doctor.

After this type of an x-ray and that type of a scan and that whole scene, his doctor calls him on the telephone and says, yeah, sorry, bruh, but what you got there is a big as hell brain tumor. You better get your things in order. And the guy says, F me, a brain tumor. And he tells his wife, he says, yeah, I'm a goner. The doctor says it's a brain tumor about the size of an ass cheek. I'd love to stick around, honey, but I got to get my affairs and order. Only a couple days later, the dude's telephone rings again, and it's that same doctor.

And the doctor says, ah, for Christ's sake, you know what happened now? I effed up. And the guy says, what do you mean? And the doctor says, well, I looked at your x-rays again, and you ain't got no brain tumor. And the guy hollers out to his wife. He says, honey,

it's the doctor on the telephone. I don't have a brain tumor. It was all a mistake. And his wife says, oh, that's one. And the doctor continues on the telephone. He says, yeah, it's not a brain tumor. What it is, actually. It's a six or seven foot long Spanish pork worm. Jesus.

That's the way to ease the blow of trying to tell someone they have a tapeworm or a pork worm in their head, right? That's right. Start with terrifying them that they have brain cancer. You're dead. Wait a minute. No, you're not dead. It's a seven foot long Spanish pork worm. How seven feet?

How? And it's swimming around in your brain pan, he tells the guy. So you better bring your ass back here to my office, the doctor says. Or you're going to die any minute from this here deal, the worm. The worm will kill you. You got to get in here. Geez. I mean, some of those tape worms can get like 80-some feet in humans, even more so, and some animals.

Wow. Maybe this is something old-timers say, Nick, but when you were, well, you were never a big eater. I've always been a big eater. Like my uncle's where I say, Jesus, you got a tapeworm or something? Are you eating so much? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Do you have a tapeworm? That was a big one.

A hollow leg? Yeah, the hollow leg was a common line from the old-timers. So, I mean, what a telephone call, this effing guy had to deal with. It's an emotional roller coaster. You want to be more sure if it's a brain tumor before you're telling somebody, they got a brain. I know you had an experience like that, Nick, where someone said, you got cancer. Yes. Without real evidence that you did?

Let's double-track that. How frustrating. So this here all comes down to another one of these characters. This all comes down to eating undercooked meat. Who are these people who can't help but inhale raw pork? What is the problem? I've done it a couple times, like to try traditional dish someplace or whatever. But it does make me nervous.

I don't think I'll do it again. He can never get me to do that. So the story goes on and on talking about larva and cysts and worms and worms that turn into adult worms and all that. It's damn near enough to get that new guy to run off into the corner and to puke his guts out. If I heard that, I'd barf. In the end, this dude was given some type of anti-parasitic dope. They had him take some pills. the two-inch-thick,

seven-foot-long Spanish pork worm died up there in his skull from the dope and then the doctors were able to pull it out of him through one of his eye sockets. No. They didn't take it out.

Dude, no. They took it out of his eye. They had to take his eye out. She said two inches thick? Yes. It was like a baseball bat. for Pete's sake. It was making decisions for this guy.

Yes, and it just swam around in his skull. And he had to feel that. Oh. You know, they probably gave him like, you know, about two, three months worth of pills to kill the damn thing. And he had to feel that thing slowly die. And then they pulled that out. They took his eyeball out, put it on a table, reached in there and pulled the... If you knew you had that in there, would you start thinking, like, am I hearing voice?

Is it talking to me? I think I'd have all these weird thoughts. I'd end up prying my own skull open with a Phillips head screwdriver. Have you guys ever had? I'm not a sushi person. I've never had sushi. Only had it once. No, never had it.

Didn't like it. But any raw meats for any steak tartar? Is that completely raw? Yeah, I think so. I don't know the game, Cubby, but no, I've never had any kind of a raw meat that I'm aware of. I don't play that game. I never decided to try the, like you said, let's try the European cuisine or whatever. I wouldn't necessarily say it was a dare, but, kind of.

kind of a challenge. One of my best buddies, he's Lebanese. And so they were having a barbecue. Maybe I should say they were having people over because it wasn't, barbecue was not involved. But there's something, I think it's called Kibi. Have you heard of this? No.

So they have a couple different versions. There was fried, which they said was for the more wimpy people. And then they had the kind that was just raw, like beef or whatever's in there. And I ate it. I was terrified, but I got some street cred. Did you? for trying that out. Those deep-fried ones are a test.

If they just kick your ass on the spot. Pretty much they're like, all right, that doesn't count. One of our listeners is claiming, one of our listeners is claiming that he is more or less a six-foot pork worm. Oh, I don't know about all that, Josh. Yeah, I tried that sushi once. I thought it was garbage. You got a Lebanese, pal, huh? Yep.

You guys ever watch old... He's got a traditional Lebanese. name. John. Do you ever watch a lot of that old television sitcom MASH? Of course. It brings me back. One of my favorite lines from Colonel

Potter, played by Harry Morgan, a line that he dumped on Corporal Klinger, played by Jamie Farr, when Colonel Potter said, and everyone's checking their watch right now saying, this better be good. I'm going to disappoint you. I will. It's just a fond memory I have.

from when Colonel Potter said to Corporal Clinger, he said, you're the Lebanese lad that I never had. Very sweet moment between. Sports On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Midway through the week, and I can't wait for Friday night, sitting sail on the St. Croix where everything's going to be just right.

I'm sure for your favorite skirt. This is legit one thing to keep it. F and go coming up Friday, our post-independence Day boat party. Sold out. Almost there. We're almost effing there. We are.

And we're going to try to be adults about the sum bitch. Try our damnedest. Hey, the twins defeated the Cleveland Guardians last night, three to one. Tige Bradley out there on the bump for the twins. It's terrific. Absolutely terrific. It's just the first of three.

We've got two more with the Guardians. Tonight, though, go again. And yeah, this sucks the big, fat, swelled. Byron Buxton is, he's all done. He's on the injured list, Cubby. That hip gave out. That frigging trick hip he's got. What a pisser.

Yeah, it stinks. For the ball club, obviously, and also for Buck personally, because he was all set to start for the American League in next week's All-Star game. He's had a great season, great season. Hopefully when it's all over with, when he's all healed up, that great season will continue. But that's a buzz kill. And again, not that it really matters, right?

Twins haters. Yeah. None of this really matters. I want to make that clear again. So the United States soccer game the other night. night against Bulgaria, turned out to be the most watched soccer game in American history. And it says here, Josh, the former record holder for most watched soccer game in American history was the old Rodney Dangerfield movie Ladybugs.

Oh, yeah. From 1990. Did you see Lady Bugs? I sure did. Did you see? I watched Lady Bugs in the theater. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Doesn't seem like the type of movie be into it. I mean, I understand why you win. I went for Rodney, obviously. I couldn't care. I couldn't have possibly cared less what the plot of the movie was. It was a Rodney Dangerfield. How long has he been gone now? How long has Rodney been gone?

Let's see. 20 years? I just don't know. I loved his style. 2004. 22 years. F me. I loved his story, too.

I think he was a, what was he? A curtain salesman or something? Something bizarre, like vacuums or curtains or something. Vacuums. That sounds right. He's 40 years old or something when he started in stand-up comedy. Oh, I've struggled on and off with my Rodney imitation. I've tried to develop.

I don't know if I... Yeah, when I was a kid. How is it so far, Josh? Pretty good. When I was a kid, I had no respect. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept trying to cover me up. That was Rodney. When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot.

Yeah, but I always found him. Coming up next is Josh's news report. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about.

And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bealchi. Thealkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey, I'm Chris Van Fleet. Go behind the scenes and beyond the headlines with the biggest names in pro wrestling and beyond.

Jeff Jarrett, great to see you. In this business, the story behind the scenes, so much more entertaining than what you see on camera. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman. Mr. Hammond. You are a master at the little things. That's how you turn good into great. What does it take to achieve greatness?

Whatever it takes. I'm willing to do. That's an Emmy winning performance. How about it? Insight with Chris Van Vleet. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-ass morning show. Remember, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

She was extremely weak and dehydrated because she had been out in the elements for several days. That could have turned out to be tragic if no one ever found her out here. A dramatic operation in Texas saved a young woman's life. after she'd been trapped for days in poop. Hot Texas poop. Is that right? Oh, Texas poop. At about 5.25 p.m. June 28th, a man heard faint cries for help coming from a wooded area behind a nearby high school.

Did she fall into an outhouse? Something like that. Well, no, not an outhouse. She fell into some poop. While investigating the sounds, he found the kind of situation that makes quicksand seem like an upgrade. A young woman trapped in a ravine for days, stuck in deep mud, and simmering sewage. The Dallas Police Department and Dallas Fire Rescue

immediately launched a joint operation with first responders facing 104 degree heat and following their nostrils through a quarter mile of treacherous terrain to rescue the woman who likely smelled like cooked ass. Rescuers were able to pull her out of the turds and rushed her to a local hospital where she was treated.

It's unclear how the woman got stuck. She fell down into some kind of ravine. Like a sewage ravine, I guess. They don't know. They don't know. That was a thing. She was on. Yeah, me either.

Oh, I've heard of those before. Farmers could tell you all about that setup. This is like a city in Texas. It's Dallas. I mean, yeah, I don't know what's going on with it. They don't know if she was jogging or on a bicycle. They don't know anything about how this happened, huh? She's, they think she might have been homeless.

Oh. Maybe, you know, if they said that could be something where she was just looking for a place to stay and rolled into the wrong place. God, hell. How many days? Several they said. Terrible. Yeah. I'm surprised you made it.

No kidding. You'd think if you huff that much, what is the element in there, Josh? Methane? Yeah. Whatever it might be. You huff that much fecal matter. There's not enough Listerine in the world for me if I was in that situation. A Minnesota woman's facing felony charges after prosecutors say she took a rather aggressive approach to spring landscaping.

Allegedly planting herself in some serious legal trouble. causing thousands of dollars in damages to a public space. Officers with the Rochester Police Department were called to Peace Plaza Sunday after reports of property damage. When they arrived, they allegedly found the 42-year-old evil gardener with dirt covering her hands and clothing after ripping out plants from both sides of Pizza Plaza with city cameras capturing the cereal tiller in the act. Investigators say Jeff Tree Dahmer uprooted and destroyed 174 plants, pruning the landscaping budget by an estimated $10,000

and leaving the area a massive mess. Popular among visitors and patients alike, Peace Plaza is located between Mayo Clinic and a host of hotels and restaurants and serves as the site of public events throughout the year, making an especially curious place to launch a one-woman war on petunias. Apparently, flowers have become the hottest thing on the criminal market.

After one woman allegedly destroyed a public garden, another decided she'd just steal one instead. While most thieves go after cash, electronics, or expensive merchandise, a Kansas woman had her sights set on something much different, decorative flowers growing outside a mall. Surveillance video captured the woman, pulling up colorful plants from large planters outside the Shawnee Antique Mall. According to employees, it wasn't the first time flowers

or even the planters themselves had mysteriously disappeared. Last year, someone they believed, was the same woman walked away with the entire flower planter section sitting outside the store. When wanting to keep her landscaping where it belonged, the employees replaced the containers and secured them with zip ties. That worked for a while. But according to staff, the zip ties were eventually cut and the planters disappeared again. So these are lunatics who don't want to go through the work of creating a beautiful garden from scratch. They just snatch these plants. plants up and bring them home.

And it sounds like it's what they're assuming. It's really one woman in particular that continues to do so. She's got the nicest house in town. Beautiful like that. Gorgeous. Just have to pay for a thing. That stuff is expensive. Yeah, I would like to do something like that.

Steal it? I mean, that would solve a lot of my issues, but I can't figure it out. I can't figure out the flower thing. This year is like the best I've ever done. The majority of them are alive. but some of them I'm just like, I don't understand. I give you water every single day, like you asked. You have plenty of sun.

Whatever. It's confusing. It seems like it'd be so easy. It's so stupid. If only weeds were attractive. Yeah, I'm good of that. Actually, it might be that Coon Rapid soil you're working with. Yeah, that's probably what it is.

A Northern California woman managed to turn what should have been a simple car burglary into the world's least successful getaway. Police say 37-year-old Lacey Roberts helped herself to items from a vehicle before the homeowner caught her in the act. She ran, crossed a creek, and disappeared into a nearby residential area. Unfortunately for her, she picked the one neighborhood where Murphy's Law wears a badge. Roberts came face to face with an off-duty Chico Police Officer. She climbed into a parked truck, hopped a fence into a neighboring yard, accidentally upgrading her getaway into a front row meeting with an off-duty cop. The homeowner escorted Roberts to the front of the property where the officer

detained her until an on-duty officer arrived. Chico Police summed up the entire episode with a social media post that simply read, reminder, don't do drugs, kids. Roberts was arrested on four misdemeanor warrants and booked on additional charges. She was on dope. Sounds that way.

She's had some trouble in the past. But wouldn't that suck? If you're a criminal, I'm going to hide out in this yard and it happens to be an off-duty police officer. Son of a bitch. A Southern California teen learned an important lesson about trying to outrun a motorcycle cop on an e-bike.

It's not as easy as it looks. I think I could get it done. You think so? Yeah. It's not as easy as it looks, especially when the other guy is literally trained to ride a motorcycle for a living. The failed getaway captured on video by Orange County deputies and shared online ended with a police officer calmly narrating the pursuit, warning the driver over a loud

speaker with the kind of running commentary usually reserved for sightseeing tours, with the cop sounding more. mused than anything else. I would stop in my own with you. That's not a really, really bad idea. Okay. I mean, we can keep going, but it's a bad idea. Your face is on camera.

I know you go to school around here. It's been to find you. What's how I'm going to say when they clear your face when I tell them that? I promise, I'm a better rider. I couldn't under you. Do you know what he was saying there? Yeah, basically, he's like, okay, you know, you're not going to get away. I'm a better rider.

What are your parents going to say? I got you on camera here. What are your parents going to say? I know where you go to school. I like that one. Despite the humorous. Delivery, Orange County Law Enforcement agencies are engaged in a broader effort with the agencies nationwide to curb dangerous e-bike riding behavior. The crackdown comes after a string of headline-grabbing incidents involving young riders, including one right here in Minnesota.

The pursuit didn't get too fast, but they were going on the highway about 60 miles an hour on the shoulder with no real lights, just cruising down the shoulder on 694 at almost 1 a.m. Police say... Someone on an e-bike was doing that? A couple of them, yeah. Police say they spotted a couple of teenagers riding what were essentially electric motorcycles, but they were called e-bikes. Yeah, those things are cool.

They are cool. On the shoulder of 694 in New Brighton about 1 a.m. last week. The pursuit was recorded by MnDOT cameras as two teens were followed by a New Brighton police car across the Silver Lake Overpass. Officers caught a 15-year-old who now faces serious criminal charges for fleeing. Police say the boys were riding electric-powered

two-wheelers that are more motorcycles than bicycle, really. an issue that's popping up across the state. Police are seeing more cases of young people riding electronic vehicles that don't meet legal requirements and often in places where they shouldn't be. I think a lot of parents don't realize what they've purchased for their children, so you've got to be 15 years older or older to ride those.

And then once you get up to that e-motorcycle, you need to have either a permit or a driver's license in order to drive some of those. If it doesn't have a pedal, then it's probably a motorcycle. If it does have a pedal, then the parents need to check and do some more research to figure out how much power it has. what's legal and what's not legal.

Officials pointed to me, what a mess really this has become. It's a damn shame because those priggin' little fake electric motorcycles, like we said, they're so cool. I'm so jealous of kids today, but it's becoming kind of a mess now. Officials pointed to alarming injury statistics, noting that e-bite crashes have become a leading cause of traumatic injuries among children under age 18. God, I bet. Emergency rooms in Minnesota are treating far more injuries from electric

wheelers, with doctors at regions reporting a nine-fold increase in visits over the past three years. Hell, yeah, I can believe it. If those some bitches would have come out in 1989, Josh, how long do you think you would have gone before you made a visit to the hospital? 15 to 20 feet? Right. Watch, I'm going to ride a wheelie. Oh, I'm dead.

I mean, they just cook. A Portland, Oregon man treated the freeway like a driving simulator set to hold my beer mode the other day. Several 911 callers reported seeing a blue Jeep Cherokee barreling down the eastbound emergency lane of a westbound freeway at about 90 miles an hour the wrong way. One caller said 28-year-old Devin Levoie was smiling and waving at other drivers as he flew past. Hello. Like the Grand Marshal of the dumbass derby. A responding officer then saw Levoie turn around and start driving eastbound this time in the actual eastbound lanes. A rare moment of progress during this chase. According to documents, he then passed several vehicles in the emergency lane,

reaching speeds of more than 100 miles an hour, which is when things once again went the wrong direction figuratively. Deputies deployed spike strips, bringing the dumbass derby to an abrupt halt and when the Cherokee crashed. According to court documents, he offered no explanation for his driving or why he felt the need to acknowledge his fans by smiling and waving. No real reason why he was acting like that. I mean, they didn't say anything about impairment.

Guys just bored, maybe? Being a dufus. Well, I spent about 20 minutes in Portland, Oregon a few months ago. I just got to tell you, there was a weird vibe. Like haunted or what are you saying? Haunted? No, no, just weird. Okay.

I like that. That's where you're right. Well, it's always kind of rainy and gloomy there, so it kind of gave me like the... No, not a scary vibe. Okay. It was just a weird vibe. Isn't that kind of where people say Bigfoot visits every once in a while? Yeah.

I think of that area. Josh and I are very tuned into vibes. We're very 60s around here sometimes. We get vibes. And I just say, although I will say they were, I'm surprised to hear this guy was going so crazy on the roadway in Portland, Oregon. Because I found them to be the most polite drivers I had ever seen in my life. Is that right?

Nobody, what's the word I'm looking for, broke the speed limit? Nobody. It's funny how you notice that, like the older you get certain places like, oh, that driving there sucks or driving here is much better than driving there, that kind of thing. I know what you're talking about. We rented a car in Portland and started driving to the coast. And I was the only swinging D for hours that was going faster than 70 miles an hour. And everyone, the locals were all looking at me as if they were saying, wow, what's wrong with this guy?

There's a weird vibe over there. When cabins call, some folks forget how to drive. Officials say the 100 days between Memorial Day and Labor Day are consistently the busiest and sadly deadliest stretch on Minnesota roads, with more drivers, heavier traffic, and a greater risk of serious and fatal crashes. The following clip is brought to you by Icey Hot. This campaign, the 100 deadliest days isn't just the name of a campaign. For us, it's something we plan for all year around because we know what comes with it. Higher speeds, heavier traffic, more impaired driving, and unfortunately, more preventable tragedies.

Lieutenant Mike Lee of the 93X Halfass Morning Show and to a lesser extent the State Patrol there. That's the best representative they could find to do an announcement on this? He's the guy. He's the cheapest. He's the cheapest. They're trying to save taxpayer dollars. That's embarrassing. Get what you pay for. Increased enforcement as part of a statewide summer traffic safety campaign. Targeting speeding, distracted driving and seatbelt violations and impaired driving where the penalties pile up pretty quick. Fines generally start about 100 bucks or more for driving. 10 miles over the speed limit, double for 20 over, and drivers caught going 100 miles per hour

or faster could face a six-month license suspension, which is a very expensive way to arrive three minutes earlier. Oh, boy. Safety efforts, excuse me, experts warn that driving just a few miles over the speed limit significantly increases the chances of a crash and makes those crashes far more severe. Elsewhere in the country, Oakland's new speed cameras issued 82,000 tickets. in just the first 40 days of the program. 82,000.

The 35 cameras across 18 locations averaged about 60 to 50 citations per day. Meanwhile, even with tougher distracted driving laws spreading across the U.S., Montana, the state where Taylor Sheridan introduced viewers to the Dutton's and helped convince half of America to browse Montana Zillow listings still allows texting behind the wheel. I know a guy who lived in Oakland, California for a while,

and he told me some stories where I can believe why everyone would drive as fast as they possibly can. It has a reputate. Well, at least it used to. I don't know if it still does. In Oakland, California. I've heard about it in a song before. That's about it. That's about my extent.

Tell me about what song did you hear about Oakland, California? Oh, I can't even remember. They just, like, mentioned it. Was it MC Hammer? No, definitely not. MC Hammer used to like to note, didn't he, Josh, that he was from Oakland. Yeah. So you can't think of the song.

Oh, I think it was J. Oh, I shouldn't have even asked. I wouldn't be able to relate to it anyway. Yeah, probably not. Kevin Bacon is 68 today, Jeffrey Tambor, 82. Oh, wow. One of the best ever kind of, what's the, I screwed this up either day. When you're not the lead actor.

Character actor. Yes, thank you, Josh. One of the funniest character actors that I can think of, Jeffrey Tambour. He's hilarious. Another one of those guys were just his facial expression can change a scene. Yeah. And congrats to little Willie Jesus and his better half having their baby today. That's 93X News.

Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. Highline drive, center field carries up for Shohei Otani. Oh, boy, shady. I mean, Shohei Otani went ahead with his 300th career yard sale last night in a Dodger game against somebody. that Randy Schaeber? It was a record for the fastest to 300, I believe,

with his home run last night. Has he gotten there faster than anybody else? I think so. Faster than Mike Schmidt. It says here, Otani's the first player in Major League history with 300 home runs and a hundred stolen bases within his first nine seasons. Faster than Harmon

Kilabrew, faster than Reggie Jackson. I'm just trying to throw every power hitter I've ever heard of into the mix. Well, that's interesting. That son of a bitch. Well, I take that back. It says here, only six players have accumulated 300 home runs and fewer games. Okay.

Aaron Judge, Ralph Kiner, Ryan Howard, Juan Gonzalez. Oh, yeah. Arod and Stanton. Oh, Jean-Carlo Stanton? Yep. Okay, so if you guys have gotten to 300 a little quicker than show, hey. Yep, I think the, oh, sorry, 7th. fastest to 300. Okay. I've been practicing saying show hey.

Show hay. Yeah, show hey. I've made the mistake over and over again of calling him show high. I hear both, but I think it's show. I've pissed a few people off, Josh. Oh, no. Yeah. That's easy to do. They've gotten angry with me. Welcome to the program. Ski, Randy Shaver. Thank you. Despite what show hay pulled off last night, a lot of baseball fans are saying that two adorable baby raccoons stole the show at Dodger Stadium last. night. Uniclo field at Dodgers Stadium on a warm one. The beauty of being outside wildlife doesn't care that there's a baseball game going on. We've got some raccoons on the field.

Don't worry the best people are on it to make sure these two make it out of the stadium safely. They did not make it out of the stadium safely. Oh, no. The television cameras caught this last night. Two little baby raccoons were a scooting around the warning track. Trying to figure out which way to go during the ball game. I read this morning that the bullpen car accidentally. rolled him over.

He wasn't an accident. Later. They since come out with further information. Oh, my damn. I mean, the fact that they cooked them later, too, that kind of seemed like an obvious sign. I almost took one out today. Big sucker.

It wasn't pretty. You almost hit yourself a raccoon this morning? Yeah, he wanted out or something. He ran right in front of me. Full belly. I bet he was out all night. He had a big full belly on him. He didn't know what was what.

Maybe he got some of those fermented apples. He was a little drunk, but that's as close as you can come. I bet you earlier in the evening around dusk, He probably was a little quicker getting across the road than he was at 3 o'clock this morning. Twins defeated the Guardians last night by a couple of runs, but the bad news is, of course, Buck is for real going to have to go to the friggin' injured list. That's a damn shame. That is a shame.

The timing of it's the shame. Not only are the twins playing good baseball, but the All-Star game is next week, and he's not going to be able to play. So that's too bad. He deserves to be in the All-Star game. deserves to be a starter in the all-star. Absolutely. Missed a few games last week with this hip issue,

and he returned in the series against the Yankees, but in Sunday's game in New York, after a stolen base attempt, that's where he apparently re-aggravated that trick hip. So he's going to miss. The good thing about this twins lineup is that these guys seems to be pretty flexible in the positions they play, Kishaw played right field last night.

Cody Clemens played second base. You know, they've mixed and matched these guys all over the place. And in fact that Kishaw is playing a little bit more outfield right now, I think that's a good thing for him and for the team because he provides that flexibility in this lineup to be able to move some guys around. Yeah, move them around. What's his name? Kriedler can play anywhere.

Kishal can play anywhere. Who am I missing? They can throw fellas at all different positions out there. This is a text message. It just came in. And Taj pitched great last time. Oh, Taj was great. We'll get to that.

More anxiety than Hare Jesus. He texts in almost daily. And he said he went to the game last night, and it was his first trip to Target Field. Oh, really? Get back to us, more anxiety than Hare Jesus. What did you like? What didn't you like? First timer last night, Cubby.

I would have assumed he'd been there before. That anxiety really is something. Yeah, keeps him in the house. Can't even bring himself to go to a ball game. So, yes, last night in the 3-1 win over Cleveland, twin starting pitcher, Tos Bradley, struck out 10. The prick went seven innings. If he combined Bradley's, there was a month ago or whatever, maybe less,

we were all showing a little bit of concern for Tage Bradley. Like, well, the wheels are falling off. He started off hot, but now he's coming back to reality. Well, he's bounced back again. If you combine his last two outings, he's gone and struck out 21 batters in his last two outings. Yeah. Eight and three on the season. He's won three of his last four.

Starts. Andrew Morris pitched a perfect eighth inning. And then you had Taylor Rogers and Yendris Gomez combined in the ninth. The twins have won six of their last eight. This year's just the first of three with Cleveland. Tonight lefty Connor prelip. We'll go for the twins against some cat called Slade. Chichoni.

Chichoni? Slade is the first name. It's pretty cool. Doesn't he work somewhere, like in a mailroom somewhere? Oh, was that Blade? That was Blade. You're thinking of our buddy Blade. Blade works in the mail room.

That's right. And he works drunk in the mail room. Well, on Saturday. On Saturdays, they're allowed to drink. They're allowed to drink on Saturday. A lot of you out there, you know, who we're talking. talking about Blade from the mailroom. His motto, which he stole

from Josh, his motto was what? Don't be talking trash. No, that was Willie. Willie, his motto, Blade's motto was, don't be a flatliner. Don't be a flatliner. Slade is an interesting first name. The band comes to mine.

Yeah. I'm trying to think if I've ever heard of someone named Slade. Run, run, away. Slade, they also did come on, feel the noise. Do I have the right band? Yes, Slade. Maybe that's who he's named after.

Oh, I wonder. Named after an obscure English rock band from the 70s. Maybe that's his parents' favorite band. Oh, maybe that's their tune. I would like to know what the experience is like when your parents' favorite band is slayed. I would like to know what that childhood would feel like, what it would look like.

What's your parents' favorite? Like you start with your mom. Oh, God. My folks were never huge music fans. We had lots of records in the house. Lots of records, like the hits of the 50s. Oh, God, we had a lot of those compilation records, Randy Shaver, where I got accustomed to all different types of music. I mean, I do feel lucky in that aspect that we had so many records and, you know, very little to do, really, in that household other than listen to music. I mean, my folks did turn me on to music. in that way. They had a lot of records available, but I don't know. My mother's all-time favorite was probably I'd say the Beatles or Billy Joel or Abba. She played

a lot of those groups. My old man was more, my old man's all-time favorite was Don Williams. We actually played a Don Williams song at his celebration of life. Your folks were kind of hippies, were they not Johnnie Mitchell and things like that? Judy Collins,

Joan Baez. the Beatles and a couple of the bands you mentioned. Yeah. All right. Pissy news on Byron Buxton. Yeah, not going to be able to play for the remainder of the first half of the season. Going to miss his chance at playing in the All-Star game. They say here, if everything goes well, the second half of the season starts next Friday at Wrigley Field.

Buxton could theoretically be available, eligible to play in that series. Okay. All right. More anxiety than here Jesus got back. to us and what he liked about Target Field. The cheap weeners, dollar hot dogs. Oh, yeah.

Tuesday night is Dollar Dog Night? Oh, God, I used to. Are those Dollar Dogs, like the larger ballpark ones, or are they just kind of skimp out? They're pretty standard, smaller than... Like you buy at a store? Yeah, like an Oscar Meyer weiner. Although I think they're brought to you by,

who is it, that makes the weaners at Target Field? Sheboygan. Yeah, I think that's the brand. Anyway, Oh, for a stretch of time, I never missed a Dollar Dog Night. You know my love for beaks and feet. We just had that conversation yesterday. I love Dollar Dog Night.

I'm glad that dude, more anxiety, had a good time. One of our listeners wants to know which Don Williams song was played at my dad's celebration of life. And thank you for asking. And yes, classic country Jesus. Don Williams' nickname was The Gentle Giant. And his music was so beautiful. The song we played was, I believe in love

I believe in babies I believe in mom and dad and I believe in you I think that I got the lyrics correct thank you for asking very nice so will Buck go to the All-Star game will he be there

I would if I were him Yeah I'd go hang out Even though he's not playing Where is the All-Star game Philadelphia Oh maybe I'd stay home Oh, really? I like Philadelphia. I mean, just kidding.

Randy Schaber, good question. I would imagine if he's feeling up to it. He would go and drink beer and hang out with the boys. Sometimes the guys that make it that are hurt don't end up going just because they're rehabbing the injury or whatever it might be. I'm just curious if he would be there or not. I would love to see him there. Joe Ryan will be there. Hopefully Joe Ryan will get an inning. Yeah. You know, it's beautiful when the New York Yankees fail. There's a magical... Failing big time right now.

They are. They've lost 10 to 12. There's a magical feeling to it when the Yankees fail. They can't stop striking out. So they lost to the Tampa Bay raise last night, and they struck out 17 times in the ball game. That's very Minnesota twins of them. Was that like two years ago where the twins were just, Oh, my. They were light years ahead of everybody in the strikeout count. They were. So the Yankees struck out 17 times in last night's ballgame. With that, apparently they've become the first team in American League history

to strike out 17 times in consecutive nine-inning ball games. That's amazing. So in their first two games of this series against Tampa Bay, they've struck out 17 times in each game. And the starters in the games for Tampa Bay were, Griffin Jacks yesterday who they have turned into a starting pitcher and has been

pretty effective. He struck out 10 and the 17 and last night it was Ian Seymour who struck out 12 Ian Seymour, huh? That sounds intimidating. If you were going to pick two guys to say these guys will be part of a record

against the Yankees, those two pitchers probably would not come to mind. So pretty unusual. Love this. I love it when the Yankees flop. Bastards. And by the way, Seymour last night is the first pitcher on any team to have 12 strikeouts in five innings against the Yankees in the last 50 years. No pitcher facing the Yankees has ever struck out that many guys in five innings.

God, can this continue on? Ian Seymour. Ian Seymour. Let's all cross our fingers and our friggin toes that this continues for the Yankees and they just have a miserable. Who's pitching today? They're facing, oh, it's Garrett Cole

against Shane McClan. And McClanahan has actually been pretty good this year. McClan. Coming off injuries. He's got potential to strike out a ton against New York today. All right.

Maybe he can get into the teens like his teammates have so far. If you want to see, oh, Ashley had to take a break ski. I'm not sure if we have this funny video up on our website of what the Kansas City Royals pulled off last night. That's up there. It is. Just watch it for yourself.

The Kansas City Royals gave up a little league home run to the New York metropolitan. The Royals committed three throwing errors on one play. I watched it. A little tapper left to the mound. Lugo Fielding throwing on the run and it gets on by Caglione. That'll bring in the game's first run as Ewing scores. Bichette to third and all the way to second goes Benj. Now it's thrown to the backstop and Bichette, he scores.

Now the ball gets a wig. Oh, my God. A little league home run for Carson Binge. Three separate errors on one play by the Kansas City Royals or the Mets lead three nothing. Oh, my. There is. The Royals are the second week. team in the American League.

And that's one reason why. They are just pathetic in the field right now. New guys in the corner puking his guts out of it. That was embarrassing. You have to watch the play to believe it. Oh, yeah, I watch it a couple of times. Because the original tapper is just right of the mound. I mean, it should have been, yeah, should have been an easy play.

And it turns into the circus. It was unbelievable. Dude blows the throat of first base. You blows it past the first base. Let's get the guy at third then, right? And throws it across the field the 30. That throw goes up against the fence. What do they teach you, Nick, when you played Little League baseball, when the first throw gets away?

Hang on to the baseball. You run it into the infield. That's right. Run that some bitch in. Run the ball into the infield. Yes. I bet if you're the first guy, though, the commissionary, you're pretty excited about that. Maybe they'll forget.

They're going to be talking about all three, not just me. Right. If I'm going to F the dog, I hope everyone else does as well. Solidarity, boys. Now, there was a ball player for the Royals last night, a kid named Tyler Tolbert. Utility player doesn't get a lot of at-bats. But now he's in the record books.

Typically, this kid, Tolbert, is a defensive replacement late in games, a pinch runner. But now he has come up with 12 hits in 12 consecutive plate appearances. He matched a few other players. with that 12 hits and 12 consecutive appearances. Some some bitch from 19 aught 2 named Johnny Kling. Oh, you'll like this one, Randy Shaver. In 1938, a big leaguer by the name of Pinky Higgins.

Oh, yeah. Pinky. He went 12 for 12. Walt Droppo, D-R-O-P-O. Walt Droppo in 1952 went 12 straight appearance. with a head. And our guy. And go ahead. Jose Miranda did it a few years ago.

That's right. So the bat... So will Tolbert play today? That's... So the streak is it alive still? Or did he end up getting out yesterday? He ended up getting out. He did. Okay. So the streak is over. Gotcha. In the ninth inning, he had a chance to break the record. He hit a fly ball. It got caught. Pressure. So the bat, that... That Tyler Tolbert has been, it's going to the Hall of Fame. That's cool. It's going to the frigging Hall of Fame.

That's cool. Did anyone on the panel here see the video? And I guess this is an annual tradition. I hadn't heard of this before, but what a show. The fireworks show that they put on at the Colorado Rockies Ballpark every Independence Day? Did you see the latest video? I have not seen it. No.

This is like 35, 40, 50, 50, 55, 60 kiss concerts all in one. As far as the lights and the fireworks, this is like going to 100 kiss concerts. It's one of the coolest fireworks shows I've ever seen them. Josh, did you see it? Yeah. Is this up on? Holy balls. They packed the whole ballpark.

They got people sitting on the field. Everyone, this is just incredible to watch. Can't be better than what I saw, though. What did you see? Because I was in Nashville for the 4th of July. Oh, yeah? 450,000 people on Broadway. Oh.

And the fireworks lasted 40 minutes, and it was amazing. Yeah? It's the most amazing fireworks show in the country. I'm impressed. I look at myself as being too old for that. You know what? To be on the street with 450,000 other... It's...

This is my third time going to Nashville for 4th of July, and it never disappoints. So you love it. It was amazing. I'm happy. We actually went to the grand old Opry, too. Oh. Which is the first time I've ever done that.

I'd love to go to that. If you ever get a chance to go, you got to go. We didn't know anybody, Josh, that was plain. I bought tickets like five months ago without knowing who the artists would be. And we didn't know any of them when we showed up. And we had a great time. It was amazing. I've heard really good things.

Really, really cool. I want to go to the drone show this weekend at Alian's Field. Have you guys ever seen? I've never seen one in person. Nashville had a drone show before the fireworks started. Pretty awesome. Tell me about the drone show. Incredible.

What does that mean? What is a drone show? It's like, I don't know, 200 drones all flying at once. Is that kind of how it? They race against each other? They're like lights. Yeah. So they can make different pictures, I guess, for lack of a better way to put it.

It's amazing. I see. I think I've seen video that. Like they do it at ballparks. They swim around in the sky and maybe they'll spell a dirty word for you or something. Yeah, some of them are. It's insane how good it is. Maybe they'll put together a big set of cans for you or something, right?

I suppose if we were behind the scenes. Yeah. I thought maybe they were. No, make the nipples bigger. Throw in another drone. Give us the knee shooters. Bigger. Go big.

I thought maybe they were racing. Okay, the drone show is happening this weekend at the, The soccer field. I think that's this weekend. Yeah, this weekend. I know a couple of the guys who went to the grand old Opry 30, 35 years ago. What was her name?

What was her name with the tag on her hat? Oh, Minnie Pearl. Mini Pearl. Yeah. Roy Clark, folks like that. Yeah. All right. So this fireworks show

that the Rockies host at their ballpark every Independence Day is incredible to watch. Now, the only negative is the ball field itself just gets mangled by this. Mangled. And some of you might guess, oh, sure, the fireworks. Well, they did have one firework kind of land in the crowd.

Nobody got hurt. It was no big deal. But you might assume that it's the fireworks that ruin the grass or the people just stomping around, right? But here's the interesting thing. According to a former Colorado Rockies player by the name of Ryan Spillborg or something, Silly. He says the reason why the Rocky's ball field gets mangled every Independence Day is from folks who bring the ashes of their dead loved ones to the event and pour them all over the field.

And the ashes of dead people kills the grass. Oh, my gosh. Mm-hmm. What? Folks want to pour grandpa or grandma onto the ball. You know, you understand the draw there. Yeah. Yeah, right, I guess.

And then the grounds crew was like, Jesus, balls, you know, they got to get out of a shop vac. I mean, it kills all the grass. We all played Little League baseball, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Do you remember who was running things, Randy? Was it like maybe your dad or your friend's dad

who was kind of running things? They were the Little League president kind of a character? Oh, one of those. No, I don't remember. Yeah, I don't either. I don't either. I remember a couple of the dads who were the bosses of the hockey association. One of them had a vendetta against my brother and I, but that's an entirely different story.

But I don't remember who our Little League boss was. Wouldn't you picture it's like the straightest-laced some bitch in your neighborhood that's running the Little League? Usually, sure. Probably. It's not always the case. A caring parent. Caring parent. Here's a story out of Las Vegas.

Well, that's probably all you need to know. Las Vegas is shady. A dude who was running Little League baseball for the kids in Vegas is going to probably go to prison. Felony charges. $65,000 disappeared from their Little League fund. It seems this happens more and more. You see more stories on it.

You know, the money that was supposed to pay for uniforms and umpires and travel for the kids when they travel to a far away. chewing tobacco, whatever all these kids need for the Little League. Instead, this Little League president took that money, and he went straight to the casino. He spent some time at the boom boom, took a couple of plane rides, and he even used that money, Randy Shaver, on some boner pills.

Oh, boy. By the time, by the time cops and everyone caught on to this, there was $25 left in the bucket. Oh, that's terrible. One hell of a bender. That's terrible. You know, there's some advantages to being broke, and we experienced this once.

My daughter played softball, wanted to be on this club team, but it was too expensive. We couldn't afford it. It was disappointing for it, but there was nothing we could do. It was just too much money. The person running it stole all the money.

Yeah. So I don't know if there was any recourse for these families. At the time, they said the money's gone, but took it all. And for each kid, it was thousands of documents, maybe three grand or something. So bad. It was really expensive. Once he was done with his strip club in the casino and taking some airplane rides to exotic places.

And once he was done paying for those hard-on pills, there was $25 bucks left. Now, unfortunately, well, wait a minute, that's the exact opposite of what I tried to say. fortunately a lot of the parents when they found out they got their pocketbooks out and they were able to pay for the rest of the season for the 200 kids involved in this little league setup so the kids didn't have to can the rest of the season they were able to play some more baseball he's now up against like I said felony charges they said you know one of the trips was over 400 bucks to a strip club have you ever spent that much money at a strip maybe that's a stupid question oh yes to go a lot oh yeah that'd be higher than average right

No. Oh, really? Oh, no, no. It's very easy to spend $400 at the boom-boom. Oh, man. Oh, $20 a dance? Before you know what the hell's going on. I suppose alcohol is expensive. You got to remember the booze is very expensive. Yeah, I don't drink very often, so okay. Oh, yeah. Pretty easy.

Josh, next Toys for Tata is kind of stand by that little register they have where somebody then ends up giving their card. And then when they announce like the total, oh, you can spend $400 times 10 very easily. Yeah, I wasn't thinking about the drinks. Sure, that'll add up fast. By the way, everybody would be cool. My wife's listening. She corrected me. That club team I was talking about was five grand a kid,

and those parents lost that money. That's just crazy. There's no reason to ever give $5,000. No. To anybody for any reason. Here's a listener who says, why is everyone in the state of Minnesota going to Nashville and touching themselves?

Nashville blows. It's so popular right now. It is. It's crazy how many people go. Josh said. I didn't say that. medical device Jesus, he likes to start trouble. He does.

Anthony Edwards from Georgia, don't you know? He was hanging out at the Argentina versus Egypt World Cup soccer game yesterday, which was played in Atlanta. A1 from the Love of Christ day one. He brought the game ball out onto the field as part of the pregame ceremonies, and he also wore a awful pair of shorts to the occasion. What was that? He's such a cool guy, but what was he doing?

You're off the hook, Josh. I thought you were going to say something like that. Your stupid saggy basketball shorts no longer offend me. Now it's all about the shorts that Anthony Edwards wore to yesterday's soccer game. Randy Shabred. I bet he's going to start a trend. I'm going to have to watch it. I did not see this.

It's like there were a set of, okay, go ahead. Tell me, there were a set of eyes by the crotch, and then it's like his crotch was a giant mouth? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could live without that. Wors. I love the guy. It's cool what he did.

That's fun. Well, sure, you got to bring the ball out for whatever a game. But I don't know if I'll be able to forgive him for those friggin shorts. One of our listeners said he agrees that $5,000 is too much money for damn near anything. But he said Hogbauer's one screwed him out of four. five-gram. No way. Well, you know what?

That's where the trend started. Today's show brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive, Third Avenue, and Main Street. Our listener says, yeah, he lost five grand at Hogbowers on an easy fix. So he's not going back. Newly retired Jesus said his record at the strip club, $2,250 in one night. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, you're buying like champagne? or something? Well, yeah. Buying rounds for folks? That's exactly it. Here's the mistake that a lot of guys make. When the strippers sit down and say, buy me a drink, and they do.

And there's nothing wrong with buying a drink for those ladies. They work their asses off. A lot of times they're going to order the most expensive damn thing off the menu. Because they get a cut from what I understand. From what I understand. And then you get a few drinks in you, right?

You start to loosen up. More girls come over. They hear, hey, you know, the guy with the gap in his teeth over here, he's buying drinks. They all come over. And they, oh, sure, I'll get you one. Oh, you want one too. It's just like a snowball effect, Josh. Right.

Yeah. It happens very easily. You know, yeah, you're in a good mood. All right, people are saying those shorts that Anthony Edwards are wearing. Yeah. It's like a fancy brand named BAP, B-A-P-E. I'm sure I'm slaughtering that. And a lot of people are saying they're crazy expensive.

I'll bet, right? Yeah. Seems like some of the weirdest-looking clothes are the most expensive for whatever reason. Yeah, Anthony Edwards and Kirk Cousins aren't going on shopping together. I think they've got a little bit different taste and clothes. A couple listeners are... Both of them, man, they got all the money in the world. A listener is telling me that the design on Edwards shorts were a paint job from a World War II fighter plane.

That's kind of cool, but why does it have to go over your penis? You see what I'm saying? Yeah, maybe down the knees or the legs. Put that on the hip. Yeah. It made it look like his unit was there to eat everyone in sight. You got to see the shorts to understand what we're talking about. Now, there are people telling me that this game that Edwards witnessed was a total rip-off.

Egypt was winning their game against, how do you call it, Argentina, and then the referees boned them. You know, I know nothing about soccer, but what I do like is when something sideways and shady happens, all the top coaches and players aren't afraid to step up and say, the referees blow, the referees boned us, this was a fix, FU, F everybody, we did not lose this game. We were robbed. I like that.

Yeah, they don't just do the corporate speak. Right. So, yeah, all the Egyptian players are stepping up and their coach and everyone's saying, we were better than Argentina. Let me see some of these. Let me see if I can find some of these quotes. Perhaps, here's the coach of Egypt. Perhaps they, meaning the referees or FIFA, is that how you say?

Yeah. perhaps they wanted to keep the world champions in the competition. Perhaps they wanted Messi to stay in the running. Messi plays for Argentina. They were just bold-faced about it and said, look, we got screwed. This was a fix. Yeah, it definitely seemed, it did seem odd. And that was the first thing I thought of when they called this goal back.

They had a goal got wiped off the, yeah. And it was like a tic-y-tack fall so far away from the actual ball and play itself. And they called it back. and even the announcers were like, what are we doing here? Yes, we have this video replay system, but we're taking it way too far if one guy's cleat clipped another guys and it's, you know, 30 yards away from the run of play. Right. What are we doing here?

So it did seem a little odd, but then again, I'm kind of glad Messi did advance because this is his last World Cup. It's been fun to watch. Well, okay. So, you know, he's the big star, right? But still, that... It sucks for Egypt. It's ridiculous. And, I mean, again, I know nothing,

but I do hear once in a while that this FIFA set up is like the shadiest thing on planet Earth. Unbelievable. For sure. Here's a player from Egypt who said, we were smooth done in by the referees today, and everyone saw it. Mm-hmm. I dig that.

So there you go. Ah, what else is going on? We played a little audio yesterday of the Balls family. and we never really got around to the conversation because this happened and that happened. We had see Willie Miles in studio. We were having too much fun. We never got around to talking about the balls.

The audio we played yesterday, I guess they have a podcast or something, the balls family. Lamello and Lovar and Leangelo and all the others. And what they were talking about was, and I guess if you're a Timberwolves fan, maybe you'll consider this good news. Lamar, no, wait a minute, Which is the one that's playing here now?

Lamello. Lamello is not going to be driving himself as much anymore. He's hired a driver. Now, the reason, if you're not following, the reason that's good news is because apparently Lamello, when he was playing in Charlotte, had a really, really bad reputation for how he operated behind the wheel of a motor vehicle.

He would just race through town. I don't know if there was ever like a real dramatic. issue. I don't know if he ran. He became known for it. Did he run someone over? I don't know. I thought there was something, but yeah, he definitely got a reputation.

Yeah. Wait a second. We're used to athletes doing that here in this town. It's been a little while, but yeah. That's our trademark. True. Ever since Lamello's balls was hired to play for the wolves, I've received a lot of Addison Jordan

Le Mello ball jokes. I can't remember any of them. But you're right. We're used to terrible driving coming from our local athletes. But that's the story, is that Lamello is going to be using a driver now. That's a good call. I don't know why all athletes don't have drivers. Yeah, especially if you got a bit of a reputation, you have from trouble.

Yeah, but, you know, when you got $88 billion. Yeah, and you want to show up in that car. F me running, you want to drive that effing. What do they drive, Josh? What are the hot sports car? Like a Maybach or MyBack, whatever they're pronounced. You want to show the local ladies what the hell you're packing and you're my back. Tough, tough to turn that down.

But yeah, hell, if I was a... I did that back in the day, Nick. It was called a hatchback. Oh. Some of the athletes today are driving a my back. You were driving a hatchback. Exactly. Bunny of mine had a couple of hatchbacks.

Did you? That thing would open and close. It was so loud When those things would open and close I don't think I ever had a hatchback Buddy of mine drove a vet for a while Oh Chavette

Ah, Chavette My grandma had one of those Shavat No, I never had a hatchback What did you drive? Oh, you had those Honda Civics for a while I had one My parents were Volkswagen golf people

Now we had the hippie holler Oh Yeah, I don't know I hope that... Before those were cool You know, we were so embarrassed to get dropped off in this hippie hollered. Well, wait, when did they become, when did they become cool? They kind of became like cool afterwards.

Like retro cool? Yeah, like a retro cool. They have like newer ones. What kind of hatchback were you driving, Randy? Oh, gosh. I don't even remember the brand. By the way, you know, while we're on the topic, someone did cough up a list of the ugliest cars ever.

You want to go through this real quick? Sure, sure. Because mine may have been one of those. Oh, Volkspack? Jog my memory. Okay. Volkswagen Rabbit? No.

No? Listers are texting in their favorite hatchbacks. Volkswagen Rabbit. That's a hatchback? I have no idea. I'm just going off what big rocks into little rocks, Jesus tells me. He says early. I must have it wrong.

He says early 80s Volkswagen rabbits had the best hatchback. Yeah, okay, yeah. It's not a convertible. It's not a convertible. Yeah, I always thought that was. the convertible. I don't think of it's something else. Here are apparently the ugliest cars ever made. I

think it's in a direct order. Let's go from they have six the six ugliest cars ever made. Number six is something called a Nissan Cube. I don't know if I've ever... I bet you've seen one. You think so? It's a great

name for the vehicle. It's exactly right. Nissan Cube. Oh, sure. I remember this one. I think my brother had one of these for a short stretch of time before it took a massive dump on him. He went over to Hogbaugh, but they were closed. The Chevy Lumina van. Oh, yeah, it's kind of like an arrow shape.

It had kind of an ant-eater snout on it. Yeah, there you go. The Chevy Lumina. It was pointy. Okay, this one is world famous. The Ford Crown Vic family truckster like what was driven in the Chevy Chase vacation movie back in... I always saw it's kind of cool.

Like the wood paneling? Yeah, I don't know. There's something about it. I like those big squared off vehicles. Holiday Row. Oh, so they actually did call the family truckster? I thought that was a nickname Clark came up with. I think it was...

I don't think it was legitimately called the family truckster. It was just a Ford Crown Vic station wagon. Well, I've seen some ads that are calling it, like from back in the day, calling the Wagon Queen Family Truxster, but they could have added that after the movie. It may have been a loose nickname, I'm not sure. I mean, back in those days, a good buddy of mine from high school drove some big, fat-ass, long Ford station wagon when we were kids.

And it was great because we could put 17 of us in the damn thing, right, if we were going off to a cager. And that thing was like a tank. It had so much horsepower. Randy Schaever, we would give lawn jobs with that son of a bitch. I mean, turf would be, what's the term in boating? There was like a wake. There was a wake of lawn behind us when we would do a lawn job.

It was just incredible. I got the car, Nick. What was it? This is driving me crazy. It was an AMC Pacer hatchback. That's on the list. Yeah. You are a pimp.

That was the news car. when I worked in Austin in my first TV job. When you had to go from assignment to assignment, you drove the radio station Pacer. No, it was a TV station. I'm sorry, TV station, yes. AMC PACER was their news car, hatchback. That's awesome.

And Josh is right. That made the list of the ugliest cars ever made. Did it? Number three is the AMC PACER. They say it looked like a bug. Bank examining Jesus, back to that Pontiac Transport van, it looked like a dust bus. That's a good way to put it.

It does look like a dustbust. You're talking about the Chevy Lumina van? Well, this is what he said. Okay. The Toyota Prius makes the list of the ugliest cars ever made. I see a lot of those. The newer ones look cooler. But yeah, I always thought they were pretty ugly.

And then number one is apparently this Tesla cyber truck. Most people don't like the look at that. For me, the first one that comes to mind is the Pontiac Aztec. I always thought that was a pretty ugly car. It rings a bell. No offense to anybody had. one, but. No, Walter White had one in Breaking Bad.

Oh, did he really? You don't want to piss that guy off. Nope. Oh, man. Killed a man with it. Who killed someone with what? In the show Breaking Bad, the main character drives in, what is it called, the Aztec? Oh, yeah?

Yeah, and he ran over a couple people. I never saw it. Never saw it. A lot of folks are texting in again on Hogbauer Automotive. Here's a whaling for life. Jesus said, I needed new tires on my boat trailer. I dropped it off at Hogbower. Tiny called me a few days later, says you're good to go.

I go to pick it up. The boat is gone and a 1992 jet ski is in its place. My 17-foot Lund, gone, he says. The ugly motor vehicle. See, I had something, I guess maybe it was the bastard cousin of the pacer. I drove a gremlin. Yes. No hatchback on that, some bitch.

Or if there was one there, it never worked. I can't remember. The first car I ever drove was a five. Falcon Squire Station Wagon that my dad, it was my dad's, kind of his work car. And you want to talk about embarrassing driving around. That was embarrassing to drive a Falcon Squire station wagon. I know somebody who. Oh, man, they look kind of cool.

But yeah, I'm sure it's, you know, Edith. When you were young, it probably kind of sucked. Yeah. Some of them are kind of really cool, actually. I know somebody who, of course, you know, when you first start driving, you got to use mom and dad's car. Some of you trust fund babies, of course, had your brand new car when you turn 16, you pricks. But most of us had to drive mom and dad. A person I used to know years ago had to drive their dad's car.

She and her dad shared the car. And her dad, 365 days a damn year, had a canoe strapped to the top of the car. and she would say, Dad, can I take... No, no. You know, he was always trying to convince her, no, because I might need to... Sometimes I might...

And she'd say, you never use the damn thing. It's January. I look like an idiot in the winter. There's a canoe. Well, just leave it there because in the spring I might want to go fishing, and the some bitch wouldn't buck. All year round, she had to drive a car with a canoe

on the friggin' on the lid. Josh, as you look at the pictures of the Falcon Squire, Mine was the red one with the wood panel. That's the one I have up. Do you think you'd like it now? I mean, I don't know. Oh, hell no.

Oh, really? I think it's got a cool. Yeah, I'm with you, Josh. They're kind of cool. Oh, man. Another listener says, backed into a light post my first time I drove. Of course you did.

Was it a manual? No, it was automatic. It was? Yeah, I did drive a manual a few times. You backed into a light pole? Yeah, first time I ever backed out of the driveway. God, man. Into the neighbor's light pole.

Oh, man. How'd your old man react to that? Oh, he was like, what do you do? You know, my dad, it was just like, he rarely said a lot. Yeah. But that was one time where he kind of, because he kept saying, you got a break, you got a break. You got a break. Oh, he was in the car with you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. First time I ever, yeah, you got a break. Yeah, I didn't know how to break. F me One of our listeners wants to Get in the conversation on the ugliest car ever But they've done so with a poem

They say traffic traffic looking for my chapstick Feeling kind of car sick There's a Ford Maverick So we're in the middle of The latest LeBron James Decision nightmare Just in the beginning stages He'll drag this out until we're ready to puke

It was 16 years ago today, Randy Schaeber, that LeBron made that first repulsive decision on live television. 16 years ago today. I watched it. Oh, yeah, so did I. I remember I had to see how self-serving and gross it was going to be, and it was every bit of what I assumed it would be. And he tried to church it up.

I say, well, no, it's because I'm raising money for the little boys club or something like that. He had that couple pillars, not pillars, but a couple rows of kids sitting there. That's right. I forgot he did his decision from some boys and girls club. To try to mask is just obsessive ego. I love all this. I love all these text messages coming in on people's first cars, the ugliest cars.

The best car I ever had when I was a kid, my dad got it for me, was a Ford Galaxy four door. and the best part was the backseat, man. It was a big backseat. Oh, my damn. If you look it up, it's a Ford Galaxy. So you mean what I think you mean? Oh, yeah. You, sly, son of a bitch.

I love that car. It was great. You're just back there with a... Before you get it on, I bet back in the day, he had to take that big comb out of his back pocket. You don't want to hurt anybody with that comb. And then it was, badoom, boom. Some call me the space cowboy.

Bapubi Bipipi Bap Bap Bum Bh. Call me the gangster of love. I can be teetitit p bipit Bum bosh. You were rocking the Steve Miller band back there, weren't you? A little bit, yeah. Those were the days, man. Or was it more like, I stole your love, stole your love. Which one would you choose?

Would you choose Steve? I would probably early on Steve Miller band, But I got, Kiss was turned on to Kissmore right when I started going to college. I stole you love. So, 1977. That's awesome. Hey, the Minnesota Lynx play tonight. And I believe if they win, their head coach, Cheryl Reeve, will break the record for regular season wins by a WNBA coach.

That's awesome. I think I had that correct. Correct. I know she's close. Yes, she's won away. She had it the other night and then they lost that game late. Fire. We're going to fire her?

No, she's so good. I'm kidding. What are we doing, Josh? You got any more ugly cars you want to talk about? Or do I keep obsessing about the Kiss song, I Stole Your Love? Well, we're getting a lot of texts on the PT Cruiser. Word. Sure.

I had a friend that had the Plymouth Prow. People are texting. That looked like it's straight out of Batman. Mm. I've seen the P.T. Cruiser not too long ago, but. I've only seen a couple of prowlers out there before. Yeah, that big old station wagon that my pal, Big Phil, drove. That we could put, I think, 11 or 12 guys on that some bitch and head off to it.

Jeez. God, it was great. And he knew how to wheel that pig. But yeah, them lawn jobs, holy. It was just a rooster tail of earth behind that vehicle. Woo! Got to remember that. That was also back in the day when you could go to drive.

in theaters too, right? Oh. So, yeah, those, like my, my Ford Galaxy was perfect for the drive-in theater. Yeah, you would get it on at the drive-in movie. Yeah. In your Chevy van, and that's all right with me.

I could do all kinds of 70s songs for you, Josh. I could keep going if you like. Yeah, go ahead. I got nowhere to be. I'll drive you crazy. I'll drive you crazy. All right, Randy Shaver. That ought to cut it.

All right. Yeah, man. Wow. Tomorrow is Wednesday. Oh no, wait a minute. What day is it? Today's Wednesday. Today is Wednesday.

Tomorrow's Thursday. Josh, do you want to, before we go, do you want to play, Randy, your latest booze cruise theme song? Sure. I would like, because every day he's been switching up our booze cruise theme song using AI. We have rules this year.

What are the rules? We have a slogan and the rules. The rules have, we've been kind of leaking the rules out through the week. Yeah. But, yeah, let's be a dull. about this. That is the not only the slogan, but also the T-shirt

that we're going to have on the boat. That's right. That's right. Midway through the week, and I can't wait for Friday night. Sitting sail on the St. Croix where everything's going to be just right. Wear your funny shirt, favorite skirt. Skirt.

And planned. Because this is legit. One thing to keep him out this Yeah, we don't have any hair unless we wear our wigs again Oh yeah Those were so uncomfortable There was a booze cruise a few years ago Where we wore wigs

And I mean, we were as sexy As we've ever been in our entire lives I think I heard you say I'm sorry I'm married more than I heard you say anything else Unbelievable. Ladies, please talk to you tomorrow, Randy We'll be back in a few minutes Hey, it's Dana.

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763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-E. And it spells relief for you. The United States Soccer Federation presents the U.S. Soccer Podcast. I'm your host, Megan Klingerberg. One thing I promised you is an all-access pass that you wouldn't get on any other show. And we found out that whoever comes on scores a goal. Burho.

Freeman. Trusting. U.S. soccer podcast magic is real people. We still got plenty of coverage all throughout this World Cup. Okay, let's get into it. The U.S. Soccer Podcast. Presented by Henko. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

Half-ass morning show, 93X. It's time, Covey. It's time to move forward with our miserable lives. We've got to keep going forward. Thanks, everyone, for joining us here on our Wednesday program on the 93X-Hafass Morning Show. Oh, cripes, brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive, although we keep getting negative text messages about the place, which is upsetting. It's disheartening. That's the worst, isn't it?

This is a major, you know, client of the program. A listener texted in to say he went to Hogbauer's. hours last week for their rear end inspection and he left with a limp. I meant the car, guys. But we got to keep going forward and we will. Here's a sign of how people in general have changed. I'm not saying change for the worse or change for the better. I'm just saying they've changed.

It says here folks these days think that movies are just too damn long. I agree with that. You do? Oh, yeah. What's your hurry? What's my hurry? Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

Sometimes you just don't have three hours sitting around to do something. And some of the movies are getting crazy long. Are they? Yeah, it seemed like 90 minutes. That was a sweet spot back in the day. But, for example, we watched the most recent Mission Impossible. I really enjoyed it. I love that series.

And we had to split it up over two days. Yeah, bet. Time to fit it all in. It was a three-hour type of a program. Yeah, so two something, maybe $2.50? I can't remember. Yeah, I'm fine with longer movies. I like when I'm enjoying a movie and I look and I'm like,

oh, nice, there's still an hour and a half left. If there's a reason for it to be that long, I think so. The one thing I get mad about is, you know, like a comedy movie where it would have been a perfect 90-minute movie. Then they got to do some shift at the end where the character learns a lesson and becomes a better person after all the hijinks they just did. Like, that stuff annoys me. I mean, there's obviously some exceptions where it makes.

Makes sense. But yeah, sometimes for a movie that really doesn't need to be three hours, you know, to me, that's where I think. You probably could have wrapped this up sooner. I hear what you're saying. I guess it's something that I've never really thought about. But folks these days, and it's become the thing. You know, everyone wants shorter ball games and quicker experiences overall in every aspect of their effing life. Folks these days think that movies are too damn long. according to this report what should say now the ideal movie length is 88 minute so that's just shy of an hour and a half

same survey was conducted a couple of years ago and people said 92 minutes so it hasn't changed greatly but the younger people want to get it over with older folks according to the survey they don't give a rat's ass how long you sit them down to watch a movie

younger folks want to get in and out of that some bitch. So there you go. Again, something I've never really thought of. I've certainly sat in front of a movie a couple of times and said, oh, for the love of Christ, is this thing going to end? But it's not something that I would never, let's say I have two movies to choose from. I'm not likely to choose the shorter one because I need to accomplish something else.

Not something I ever. To get an idea of what an 88-minute movie looks like. like the following movies were around that time frame. Zombie Land. The Lion King. That one? That one? I enjoyed both those movies. Like the Lion King.

Airplane was only 88. They say some of the blockbusters or whatever, some of the other summertime movies coming out soon or they're already out. Toy Story 5 is

102 minutes. Supergirl is 108 minutes. They got this Moana thing happening. That's 150. Whatever. So you'd like to see him dial it back a little bit. Oh, no, I'm just saying. I hear what people are saying.

I've never, like you said, I've never sat around and complained about it. But if you bring it up, I guess I kind of get it. Yeah. There was one that I tried to watch a few weeks ago. Holy balls. I think it was near four hours. And I fell asleep halfway through. I think it was called the Irishman.

I didn't see that. Robert De Niro, Joe Pesci. Maybe it was called the Irishman. Is that good? I don't know. Like I said, I fell asleep halfway through. Oh, you never went back and rewatched. No, I did not.

What was it? What do they total that pick up? Three and a half hours. I remember hearing great things about it, but it honestly might have been that runtime that kind of made me reconsider it. A few people are saying that there's movies they're texting in. There's movies they want to see,

but they're like, shoot, I'm going to be in the theater for three hours. I don't know if I can do that. Listener says Oppenheimer, too long. That was a long one. I want to see that one too. Project Hail Mary, not long enough. Oh, I need to see that one too. According to one listener. Well, yeah, I like that one.

Now, you want to know what the star effers are up to? I got here something for you on the star effers. You know those folks who are obsessed with fame and famous people? Yeah. And I know a few. I do. It's more like this. but I still think they fall under the category of a star effer.

They are obsessed with, or maybe I should say, if someone has money, they're that much more interesting than your regular schmuck. That's what I see on a regular basis. Not so much obsessed with the Kardashians or obsessed with Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise to where they're following them constantly on social media. I know more. And again, I hope this still falls under the category of star effort. These people like, Josh, if you and I are in a bar together

and a regular schmuck walks in, you shrug your shoulders. But if another schmuck walks in and he has money, he's known for being rich, I know a couple of guys where that'll perk him up. Oh, who is that? Oh, Donnie, the CEO from General Mills or whatever. I'm just using it. Oh, oh, that's who he is? oh, he's a CEO.

That's the type of person I run into a lot. The rich person is far more interesting. And they'll even maybe make an attempt to go talk to him. Like, hey, man, aren't you, Donnie, the CEO? I see a lot of that. If you think about some reality shows, that's kind of what it is. A lot of those are falling around rich people. They're not really famous for being a great singer or actor or anything like that.

It kind of makes my skin crawl. Famous for having a lot of bucks. Yeah, we'll meet somebody who's just as nice as the rich guy, but the rich guys don't know, I kind of want to go talk to this. guy. And then every time the rich guy walks in, oh, there he is again. Yeah, so. All right. So here's what the star effers are up to. They are buying graves. No. So they can be buried next to their favorite celebrity.

Oh, my God. So scary. That is so, so scary. Ah! Oh, no. What are we doing? Well, do you got anybody in mind? Oh, I could think of a few. And Nicole Smith? I think you'd like to be next to her if you could. Well, throw me in the same hole with her if you can. But I could think of a few if I ever went this crazy.

Yeah. I'm hoping I outlive the nature boy. Man, at this point, five years ago, I would say, yeah, no, absolutely. But I think he might just be immortal at this point. He might just live forever. You kind of wonder. Yeah. What is it?

Like every year, it's like, oh, no, he's going to be. pass and then you say more like every three months what they say kicks out of two when when it's all said and done when we're both gone i think it'd be pretty cool if you kick me into a dirt pile right next to the nature yeah i can think of a few so here's the deal boy i bet this costs a lot of money too because uh like say for example here maryland monroe she's been dead for decades it's been a minute i doubt she I don't know. I'm not picturing someone like Marilyn Monroe is in just some random neighborhood graveyard. But I could be wrong about that.

Yeah, I always figured that really rich celebrities were put somewhere that like nobody else has access to. Right. I don't know why I think that, but I think the same thing. Yeah. This crazy person paid near $200,000 to have a mausoleum crypt right next door to Marilyn Monroe. $200,000. Yeah, I don't really get it. I don't either. Is it for your family?

Like, hey, we could go see Maryland and Rosegrave at the same time as... No, I think it's just... It's for you. It's like for the individual themselves, just to know that that's where they're going to rest for the rest of eternity next to their favorite star. That is pretty nice if you're doing it for other people. Like, yeah, maybe they'll come see me now

because there's like somebody else next to me that I'm sure they'd like to So I just looked up where Maryland and Rose Grave is. Is she in a random neighborhood somewhere? In a place in California. You know, like one of those little vault things that you pull out. Sure.

That type of stuff. But now that I'm Googling that, apparently touring, going on tours of Sleby Graves is a big deal. Okay. I guess I shouldn't be surprised by that, but. Oh, no, I'm not surprised to hear that. But, yeah, I guess that's a big thing. You go on a, like, you get on a bus and they drive you around to different graves.

Sure. I just, I don't really see the appeal of that. thing. Yeah, that's where they, uh, well, no, I could see the appeal of that. Really? I really could. I mean, if you took, Josh,

if you and I went to L.A., Hollywood, and let's say within 10 miles, we can find all of our favorite dead rock stars. Yeah, I'd visit like Ozzy or, you know, Randy Rhodes. Absolutely. I'm going down the list of people associated with Ozzy Osbourne that have passed.

Yeah, definitely I could see that. Randy Castillo. Right. Uh, yeah, a little different to spend $200,000 so your carcass can rot next door to but that's a different level

we'll never understand and you also never know if they I mean what if you get scammed by a family member or something like now we're just going to chuck him into the ocean keep the money resell this plot they take that money and they take that extra money

and they buy one of those one of those what was the car we were talking about earlier the ugliest car in town the top on the list the cyber truck The Freakmobile. What's it called again? The cyber truck.

Yeah, your family takes that money and buys themselves a cyber truck instead of putting you in a grave next to Malcolm Young. People are texting a good point here about, you know, the folks are saying, hey, movies are too long. But it might be the same person, people are saying, that sits there and binges six hours of television? Yeah, that's a good point. For some reason, that seems different, but very good point.

Yeah, she's more digestible. You get a 20 or 30 minute episode in and then you go, okay, I got time for another. You don't have to pause it to pee. Although somebody else said that now some of these series are an hour and a half long each. I guess I haven't seen one of those. There have been a couple shows I watch where one episode will be like 28 minutes. The next one will be like an hour and 40. Wow.

Now, back to the graves of dead celebrities. The one I always hear about is that folks flock to go see Jim Morrison's grave. Yeah. Is that California? camp out and drink and all that kind of stuff. So he must be in an easily accessible cemetery somewhere. This is something I've never looked up. But again, I'm picturing that it's not the easiest thing in the world to go see Paul Newman's grave or something like that.

That's what I'm picturing. But I don't know. I just don't know. Jim Morris is actually buried in Paris. Okay. That's where he checked out. Right? I think that's where he died.

Yeah, yeah. I think he died in a bathtub in Paris. All right, so what else? Here's a guy who spent $50,000 to have his urn parked next door to Judy Garland. Oh. Her remains, the gal from the Wizard and Oz. Jazz legends Miles Davis and Duke Ellington. They're in a cemetery somewhere in New York.

And it costs $70,000 to be parked next to those characters, if, in fact, you were a big jazz fan. at a Hollywood Forever Cemetery. I'll get there. At Hollywood Forever Cemetery in Los Angeles. Okay. Burial spots can cost around 200 grand. And a mausoleum can be as high as $6 million.

And I'm guessing that's because it's loaded with dead. Famous people. Bob Hope. Everyone from Bob Hope to John Ritter. I have no idea what it was. Alva combo. I like John Ray. John Reader is hilarious.

This guy was brilliant. Cemetery officials say request to be buried near famous people happens all the time. They like the idea of spending eternity in legendary company. Yeah, I don't know.

You've got to be a little different for that. Yeah, I mean, there's got to be like a part of them that that thinks like they'll be chilling and like hanging out, right? Yeah, exactly. Her house, what is that? Maybe some believe that that will set you up to be friends with that celebrity

in the afterlife. So you're walking around well, heaven, maybe. And you're walking hand in hand with Josh, let's go with Ernest Borgnein.

It's up, Big Earn? And you take to calling him Big Earned. I mean, my God. Some people are saying there could be some more affordable celebrities, O.J. Simpson. Oh, no. Sure, you might not pay. It might be reasonably cheap. I'd be afraid that he'd crawl over and get me.

I know. Is he still dangerous? Who's his new guy? Some goofy bastards who will pay hundreds of thousands. I'll get there, Josh. Hundreds of thousands of dollars to be parked. Once they die, they use that money. in order to get parked next to their favorite celebrities' grave.

Put me in a hole next to my favorite singer, my favorite actor or actress. They pay big money for this. They can spend eternity elbow to elbow with some star that they loved throughout their lifetime. Bizarre, to me, turns out a few of our listeners have visited some celebrity grave sites. One of our listeners, Josh, went to see Colonel Sanders' grave. in Kentucky. Oh, really? I never would have thought of that. They said it was pretty cool. I thought it was. Another one of our listeners

went to Seattle to see the grave site of Bruce Lee. You know, that is on the list of the world's most visited grave sites. Yeah, I got a pile of them too. What do you have? Josh's long-lost brother Jesus sent a link. John F. Kennedy, Princess

Diana. Oh, God. Bruce Lee, you mentioned. Sure. Leonardo da Vinci, Elvis Presley, Bob Marley, Marilyn Monroe, the Ultimate Warrior, and William Shakespeare. Mm. It's a good list. I've got some more here for you, too.

It's really interesting. I've never considered such a thing. But like, say, here's an example, personally speaking, one of my effing all-time heroes died not too long ago, and that would be former Kiss guitar player Ace Fraley. To have the opportunity to visit his grave, I think would be really cool. I would be a mess. I would likely cry my eyes out.

But I've never considered taking that trip. There are people who will load up into the motor vehicle to go see their favorite. I'm surprised Kurt Cobain isn't on that list. Me too. Oh, that is surprising. Could have been cremated or something. That's true. Did you mention Lucille's Balls?

That wasn't on the list I had. Here are some more very popular celebrity gravesites. Walt Disney, and I apologize if you've mentioned any of these. I think I'm able to navigate around the ones that you already mentioned. Chris Farley. Oh, yeah, I'd see that. A lot of folks go and pay their respects to Chris Farley. Johnny and...

Pardon me? I miss him. Oh, yeah, very funny. Johnny and June Cash. John Wayne. Mel Blunk. Oh, really? Yeah.

That's interesting. Apparently, that's a very popular... Who is that? Celebrity Graveson. He's the dude who made all the Looney Tunes cartoons back. Oh. Do I have the right company? Yeah, The Man of a Thousand Voices.

Yeah. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Woody Woodpecker, Tweety Bird, Yosemitey Sam. Jesus, Balls. Is this for real? Yeah, the guy worked for like 60-some years doing voices. Foghorn, Leghorn. Roadruner. Tasmanian devil, Speedy Gonzalez.

I had no idea. I mean, I knew who Mel Blanc was, and I knew roughly what he did for. I didn't know he mastered all of those characters. They just didn't want to find anybody else. I think this guy works. Well, he might have been like a real prick and kind of cornered the market. I can do that one too. I'm the only swinging D around here.

It's going to do cartoon voices. Anybody else gives it a shot? I'll kill you. Where else do folks like to visit, Josh? Do you like to visit the graves of the Wright brothers? who took the very first airplane ride. Ben Franklin. Frank Sinatra.

Harry Houdini, the legendary magician. Didn't he die in a bucket of water or something like that? How did Harry Houdon? I thought so. Did he have a trick go wrong? Is that how he died? I thought like, yeah, I think he was underwater. Was it?

Yeah, I can't remember. He drowned in a bucket of water. Whitney Houston. Oh, sure, I could see that. All right. I ain't playing with you, Cubby. You're going to think I'm playing. with you. But according to this article that I just banged through as quick as I could, one of the

most popular celebrity graves. And we just talked about this guy, I think, a week ago. One of the most popular celebrity grave sites for fans to visit is Don Knott's. Oh, really? Yes. Is it like, sometimes there's like elaborate structures around it or something? I wonder if there's something to that. There could be something to it. I'm trying to find it. Harry Houdini. So I thought like he got, There was like a blunt force injury he took, like he was punched or something. Right. I know one magician. I'm sorry?

One magician got punched in the stomach and died. But you're saying, Harry, he was a drowning? Yeah, I'm trying to find it. You're both right. Yeah. Yeah. I thought Houdini's was like he took a cannonball to the stuff. Something like that.

Yeah. I can't remember. Took a shoe to the nuts and he, uh, Louis Armstrong, Laura Ingalls Wilder. I just watched two episodes A Little House on the Prairie last night. Are you going to watch the new series? Oh, I did not know there wasn't. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.

Little House in the Prairie is one of those where I could watch that any time of day and put you in a good mood. Maybe just because I watched it every day after school. All it takes, yes, exactly. All it takes is those first few notes in the intro. And I'm hooked. I did not know there's a new. Are they going to turn this into like a dark?

program, the new Little House on the Prairie? I sure hope that. That would be awesome. No, wait a minute. That's ridiculous and I said that. Because the original Little House on the Prairie, actually, when you think about it, couldn't have been more dark.

At times it sure could have been. I mean, everybody went blind. Everybody got malaria. There were children dying and burning fires. It comes out tomorrow on Netflix. Oh, I mean, yeah, the original Little House on the Prairie was maybe the most depressing show on television during its run.

I didn't know what was anything like that. Oh, you didn't know that? No. Oh, God. It was just like sisters that, like living in the past. I thought that was the whole gist of it. Let me wrap this up some of the other famous celebrity grave sites. I did not know that so many people were interested.

Debbie Reynolds and her daughter, Carrie Fisher, are buried side by side somewhere. People like to go visit the two of them. John Wilkes Booth, the dude who shot Abraham Lincoln. Buffalo Bill Cody. That'd be kind of interesting. Yeah. Some old gunfighter, right? Al Capone.

Fred Rogers. Really? Oh, Ash, it won't go within 100 yards of that grave. We talked about him recently, too. Yeah, you said you thought that Mr. Rogers was creepy. Yeah. Which makes you... It's so creepy, girl.

Josh agrees with me. That makes you un-American. I'm sorry. Although, wasn't his middle name like McPheely, or was that like an old wife's tale or so? Well, he had a guy on the program called Mr. McPeeley. I thought his middle name was that. Oh, that could be true as well. I remember the character, Mr. McPheely.

Looking that up. And finally, I didn't even consider this. Yeah, Fred McFeeley Rogers. Must have been why he named the character. And I didn't even consider this. You weirdos who are obsessed with serial killers and whatnot, and there's a lot. body is out there, we'll go visit the graves of these terrible, awful, sickening killers that we've had in America over the years.

One of the popular grave sites to visit is the gravesite of Lizzie Borden. Oh, okay. Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother 40 wax, and when she saw what she had done, she gave her father 41. Do you know the story, Ashley, being a younger person? No, I don't. And I'll tell you this right now, Josh, not a bad hard rock band. No, not at all.

Lizzie Borden was a really good hard rock band that just never got their big break, I think, because of their appearance. The hell, they had some, they had a couple of really good records. To leave you on a note that very few of you can relate to. To leave you on a confusing note that very little of you can relate to, I'm going to take a stand for the rock band Lizzie Borden. All right, so we have some more information on Harry Houdini's death. Pornow Jesus and a few others have texted and said he, one of his tricks was he said he could take a punch from anyone. And he says, a college kid caught him off guard before he could tense up and he died a few days later, like his appendix or something.

Oh! That's no way to go. No. If you defied death that many times. I'm glad you finally found that, though. Well, that's the brotherhood that did that. That's interesting as hell. He took a punch and the bastard died.

Yeah, that sucked. I can take a punch from anybody. Hey, who wants to give me a slug right in the nuts? You go ahead, big guy. Go ahead, tough guy. Yeah, you think you're pretty special. And then two days later. Me Against the World was the big Lizzie Borden song.

Remember that one, John? Oh, yeah. Me against the world. It's me against them. We got to go. We do. I'm going to have to look. I watched, for whatever reason, I watched part of old Headbanger's Ball last night, Nick, on YouTube.

I got to find this and maybe we can bring it up tomorrow or maybe it's not even interesting. But there's a band I'd never heard of, and I wanted to see if you'd heard of them. Please bring it up first break tomorrow. Okay, yeah. You saw it on an old episode of Headbanger's Ball? Yeah, from 1988. I don't know if you know this about me, Josh, but this is kind of my wheelhouse. I know it is.

I was wondering, I'd never heard of them, and I was wonder if maybe you did. I'm excited now. Okay, I'll look that up. Lizzie Borden had a record back in the day called Visual Lies, if you're, if you're unfamiliar. I think he came out in 87. They really had a cool sound. Their singer was very... All right, you got to stop me at some point.

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