93X Half-Assed Morning Show - F The Squirrels

Episode Date: December 17, 2025

Originally Aired December 17, 2025: Water balloon assault. Donkey punch. Everything you wanna know about cottagecore. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-assed morning show. Ninety-nine. All right, yeah, yeah. We've fought our way to the midway mark of the work week. You ought to be proud of yourselves, everybody.

Welcome to the 93X half-ass morning show. Josh, now that we've scissured our way to the halfway point, what do you make of our special Christmas edition, ultimate F-off week so far? Hey, not too bad. Not bad. The week's kind of gone by fast. Well, not for Ashley. She thought today was Thursday.

Was that a rough realization for you this morning? Yeah, it was. Black of sleep last night. Yeah, it happens. We all get there. We're doing all right. Do you think we have the goods to go the distance? I think we can make it two, wait, three more days.

I think we can do all right. Do you have enough beer to last you the rest of the week? Root beer, yes. I've got about three cases sitting at home waiting for me. I like to have two, three beers a night. Are you good on cigarettes for the rest of the week? You need me to make a stop. Candy cigarettes, got one or two packs rolled up in my sleeve.

For starters, no, everyone, you should be proud of yourselves. You've made it to the halfway mark. A lot of folks don't even get that far. For starters, let's see if we can figure out a little mystery this morning. Oh, I like mysteries. Do you? Yes. We received the text message from a regular listener.

text her. We hear from this peckerhead damn near every day. Pancakes by the Lake Jesus. And maybe he can text back and clear up the mysterious text he sent our way. Here it is. Maybe someone can figure it out.

I don't know. Pancakes by the Lake Jesus sent us a text. It says, Nick, good morning. Happy F off week. Appreciate that. And then he goes on to say squirrels suck. You should know that. They're the worst, and they owe me $60.

But you should go ahead and have a good day anyway. Love pancakes by the lake. Jesus. What is going on? You think I know what happened. Squirrels suck. You should know that. They're the worst, and they owe me $60.

I'm going to guess that the squirrels ate some Christmas lights or Christmas decorations. Yep, chewed up the Christmas lights. Just happened to me. Especially if they're red squirrels. God help us. not help us when the red squirrels come our way. Yeah, we have a little pellet gun at the house, and my husband is constantly, like, looking out the back window,

like, where's the red squirrels? I'm going to get them. Like, what's your problem? He's got anger issues. Yeah, he shouldn't own a pellet gun. I know some people who have a real problem with the squirrels. I've heard a thing or two about the red ones. Josh, I think you got it. There's no way I would have come up with that.

Well, I have an issue. I have the same issue, and I'm guessing it squirrels. They ate up the Christmas lights. I'll wait for a text message. A return text message from pancakes by the Lake Jesus. There is a previous text that he sent. It must have been yesterday or the day before about how he has three trees, three Christmas trees. So maybe the squirrels got into his home.

Like in the old Chevy Chase movie there. I've had squirrels in the house. Well, the attic specifically. they're loud bastards. Asher, you're saying they got it into the house and they stole 60 bucks out of his wallet? Yep. Yeah. Wouldn't that be something?

That would be kind of adorable. It would be. How cute would it be just watching a little squirrel pick cash out of a wallet? We'll wait for a return text, but I'm going with Josh's theory. Excellent. You should be a private investigator. You should be a police detective. I didn't realize now people are texting in.

Well, I just watched a detective movie last night. Maybe that's something to do with it. What do you want? Naked Gun? Nope, not Naked Gun. That's a great one, though. The new Knives Out movie, the third. Do you guys watch those?

I watched the first one. You haven't got around the new one yet. Just came out. Oh, my God. They're fun. Yeah, they are fun. Red squirrels. People are agreeing with you, Ashley.

Yeah. What is it about red squirrels that make them jerks? I have no idea. Every time I've talked to people about it, they say that those are the ones that like to get in your house and eat all your, like, your, your cords and stuff like that. They'll eat everything, your children. Josh, you were correct. Got a text message from pancakes by the lake cheeses. Again, the original text was squirrels suck. You should know that. They're the worst and they owe me $60. You know, I originally thought maybe he got into a poker tournament with him. I don't know.

I had a bad beat on the river. Yeah, they made some sports bets together. He and his neighborhood squirrels, but no, Josh was right. They won't stop with my lights, says pancakes by the Lake Jesus. They will not stop. If they were in my house, I'd be forced to surrender. But for now, this is war. I've never had any kind of a critter really butt into my personal life like that before. No, me either. Sounds miserable. But thank you for the text. It was kind of fun. there for a minute to just to wonder. When they- Go ahead.

I was going to say, when they chew through the Christmas lights, do they at least get like electrocuted and like shot up in the air 30 feet? Because that'd be kind of funny to watch. Or like you, they just go completely stiff, their hair rises. You can see their skeleton through their skin. Right. Offended millennial Jesus said squirrels started electrical fires in the attic of a house in their town, and the house is a complete loss.

Oh my God. Squirrels started an attic fire? Yeah, they must have chewed through some. wires. Pankakes by the lake Jesus has it easy. Yeah, if it's compared to that. Christmas lights outdoors. Maybe that's just where they start. Usually it's the teenage kids who will start a fire in the attic, you know, smoking cigarettes or something. But in this case, it was squirrels. A lot of squirrel haters out there.

Buy damn, look at our text machine. Just turning over and over and over again. A lot of squirrel haters. Ooh, I can understand this one. This person said, ever had a squirrel, chew on a plastic connection to your water softener flooding your laundry room? No. Oh my god. We had our water heater blow up on us and that was a pretty good flood. But yeah, never had an animal do that to us. We've talked about how maybe the monkeys might overtake us or maybe technology, the AI robots. Now I'm going to start to worry about the squirrels. They seem to have it out for us. This is very interesting. Now a couple of people, wow, some of you really pay attention. It's impressive the details you can remember about not only the four of us, but your fellow listener,

you know, with the trading back and forth of the text messages. We do learn a lot about each other. We talk a lot about each other on this radio show. And some of these are really listening and remember some details. A few people texted in when pancakes by the lake cheeses brought forth his squirrel dilemma. A few people texted in and said, isn't he the cuck? Cuck.

Who's attempting to quit smoking? Well, he's the person that's attempting to quit smoking. I'm just repeating what I read on the text messages, Josh. A few people called them, they called him a cuck. Good memory. That's crazy. So people texted in and said, wow, imagine that pain in the ass. You're dying for a cigarette and you're losing $60 every time you turn around

because of Christmas light eating squirrels. That must be very stressful. A couple people assumed maybe that he was on shantics or whatever it's called to quit smoking and he was hallucinating squirrels. Oh, with those crazy dreams we've heard they have. Right. Eastbound at Sundown Jesus had a squirrel take 60 bucks from him

and he said that little bastard bought some powerball tickets and now he's a millionaire. That's a smart entrepreneur. What's the word there? Entrepreneur. Squirrel. What's the word there? Squirrel. Thank you. We got there.

Truly, truly fascinating. This Wednesday has gone downhill for me. People are saying all redheads are trouble, not just the squirrels. Well, yeah. Hmm. I think it depends on the sex. Yeah, female redheads are a little trouble, but male redheads not so much. Red-headed dudes that I know? Harmless.

Yeah, they're innocent. Yeah, that is so true. Redheaded checks, trouble. Fiery. T-R-O-U. What was that old Skinner's song? Double trouble. Speaking of redheads, my husband was very worried because when we first had our child,

it looked like he had red tint to his hair. Oh, that'd be awesome. Yeah, so my husband has a brother who is a redhead. And so he's made fun of redheads. his whole entire life naturally. Your husband has been picking on redheads his entire life. Yes, because, you know, it's fun to pick on your brother. And he was very scared when that kid came out with a red tint.

He's like, I swear to God, Ashley, what did you do? He's like, what do you mean? What did I do? Oh, you thought you went for the brother-in-law. And then he was like, you know, if he has red hair and we're out in public with my brother, people are going to think I'm a cuck. It's twice now. We've mentioned cucks before 6 a.m.

Oh, no. That person or the people who wrote in about redheads being trouble, Red Butcher Jesus said, what the hell? Who said that? I'll kick their ass. He does have red hair. And he's a butcher. He might be one of the nicest people I've ever met.

Yeah, absolutely. T-R-O-U-B-L-E. I think that's how Skinner used to say, a double trouble. All right. Wow, lots of really interesting text messages coming in. Some of them, very, very random. I mean, people are texting in. Now we're getting texts about squirrels, redheads, cucks.

This one, just totally out of nowhere, but by God, you've got to be a little older for this one. But by God, do I agree, Josh. Minnesota Moses, completely random text message simply states this. Elaine Keaton. is hot as F. Oh, yeah. Totally agree with that. Just had to get that off his chest.

You know, Ashley, David, do you know what we're talking about? No. Elaine Keaton is? No. Elaine Keaton was the mother character on the 80s sitcom Family Ties. Oh, sure. Played by the actress, her name, was it Billingsley or something? What was her name?

Meredith. Meredith Baxter Bernie. Oh, you ain't. Oh, wow, yeah. Minnesota Moses, you ain't kidding. bruh, ooh, we. And she always had her shirts unbuttoned just enough to where eighth grade me would be just writhing on the couch. Does he remember her as a redhead maybe?

Was that you mentioned it was random? Maybe he remember her as a redhead. Or he just threw that out? I think he was just throwing it out there to throw it out there. Very random. But it hit home with me, son. It did. All right.

The New Year's Resolution bit again. It's one of my least favorite conversations this time of year. It always seems to come up. The New Year's Resolution thing. But I know a lot of folks get into it, so I'm willing to play along. Is there anybody who really gets involved in this? That's my number one problem. Oh, I think so.

Yeah. I think plenty of people do. I mean, just base it on gym memberships. They explode right around January 1st. They really do? Yeah, and then they drop in like March. And then look at a parking lot at a gym. Packed for a few weeks there.

That was always the worst when I went to the gym. My number one problem with New Year's resolutions is, although I know a lot of folks like to talk about it, I doubt that too many people really commit themselves to it. So that's why I've always easily cast. the subject off. My second issue is the answers are always so boring.

What's your New Year's resolution? I'm going to exercise more. You know what I mean? But like I said, I'm willing to play along. Here are the New Year's resolutions. Oh, what's it say here, Cubby? Well, this is right up your alley. Read more books. Sure.

Yeah, that's usually on my list. I usually will say like, oh, I'll read 20 books this year. I'll be at like five books by December. You got two weeks to read 18 books at the end of December. I did make that resolution once. Five books. Pretty good. Yeah, better than none. You made that exact resolution.

Have you always been a New Year's resolution type of a guy? I'm mindful of it. Just kind of like Friday the 13th. I'm aware. And maybe I'll just kind of just kind of. kind of like my head will be on a little bit of a swivel. But yeah, I'm always mindful. Like, hey, this would be a good time to start something

or maybe stop something that I'd like to stop doing. This is the top 10. Number 10, read more books. Number nine, spend more time with my family. That's on my list this year. That is every year, actually. Really? Yeah.

You seem like you spend a lot of time with your family. You're always at home. Well, how the hell could you possibly spend more time with your family? Well, I'm more met like our older kids getting together more with them. They're pretty busy, but when we can, it's fun. I've just, I've never understood how you want to spend so much time with these people who treat you so poorly. I'm trying to win them over. Eventually, I'll get a kind word out of one of them. Number eight, learn new things. What do you want to do in 20 and 26?

Learn new things. What? You raised your hand over there. waving at Steve Gorman. Stop waving at people behind me. You do that every day. Somebody comes in and I have to say hello. What were you? Oh, you were waving at someone? Yes.

I always see, the problem is I always think you're waving at me. Well, I do wave at you from time to time. What, what, can I help you, Josh? Your hand is raised again. I was waving. At me? I know a rider from KQ. Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. Number seven, improve my mental health. F that, I enjoy how deeply. disturbed I am. I'm going to leave it right where it's at. Yeah. I could get worse this year. Yeah. Number six, lose weight.

Number five, improve your physical health overall. F that, I look good, son. And I feel even worse. Well, when we have our annual forced physical, my doctor did like three times say, hey, you should get more exercise. Like three separate times. Tell him to shut it.

What? Don't you hop on the treadmill every day? Yeah. Yeah. He said it wasn't enough. Oh, wow. That means I'm way behind. Yeah.

I know you're the type of guy that lets these things bother you, but don't. You're fine. For God's sake, look at you. I want to know. You don't drink. You don't smoke. You're the same weight as an average 25-year-old. Don't let these people do that to you.

Yeah, that actually kind of pisses me off that he said that. Well, I was kind of wondering, like, what do you know that I don't know? Here's what you have to understand. He was probably pushing that on every swinging D that walked through his door that day. It wasn't specific to you. You know, he's getting an extra $10 from the big exercise people. Or he's probably just going through the motion. He just says that to everybody.

Just part of the routine physical. Yeah, especially because Josh has nothing else to call out. Right. Yeah, he feels like I got to say something to the guy. Don't think about it, Josh. Don't let those doctors bother you. Number four on the list of New Year's resolution. Save money.

Three, eat healthier. Two, be happier. Number one, the ultimate. Exercise more. Be happier. Can somebody teach me how to do that? Perspective. You change your perspective.

You fake it until you make it. Have you ever had, have you ever tried that? You're in a bad mood or? sad or whatever, you just fake you're in a good mood. Sometimes that works. Yeah, it does. You're right. It'll help you out.

Yeah, there you go. Sometimes if I'm having a rough day, I just go on social media and then pretty soon, I'm like, wow, this is great. It's all very uplifting on there, isn't it? What a lovely day I'm having now. Everybody's happy on there. So much positivity. Yeah, I have nothing positive, I guess.

I don't know. Maybe I want to be more of a dick. You want to make a New Year's resolution to be more of a dick. Yeah, I think I let a... Well, you know that I support that. I let too many things go sometimes, and I'm sick of doing that. What's my motto? Be a dick.

Be a dick. Let's be dicks. Well, Ashley, if you stumble at all in trying to achieve this goal, I'd help you in any way possible. Thank you. I appreciate that. How to be a dick. I don't know if you could be one, Ashley. I mean, you're fiery. You certainly will... If you have an enemy, they're in some trouble.

But I can't imagine you being vindictive or anything. Or are you? Yeah, no, I have too much empathy. Like, if somebody's not, like, rude to me, at first, like, you know, I can, like, feel it in my body. I get fired up. But then I, if I'm rude back to them, I think about that for, like, a week. I'm like, oh, did I take it too far? Did I really have to be like that?

What if they have something going on? But I don't want to think like that anymore. Well, you never know, right? Sometimes people do with something going on. and that explains their behavior. So, Cubby, yes, your obvious weight gain over the last year and a half led your doctor to make a comment about exercise. He was very aggressive about it. He mentioned it once or twice to you.

Thrice. That maybe you should exercise more. Look at it this way. This will end it. You can sleep at night. You don't have to worry about this anymore after hearing this statement from rated rock star G. who texted in to say there are only six people who should be concerned about your weight.

Your pallbearers. We got to put them on a diet. We're going to be carrying this son of a gun in six months. Everyone else can shut it. Everyone else can shut it. What else is going on around here? That is good. You like that one?

People now texting in about their New Year's. resolutions. Do you guys do anything about that? Not at all? No, not a thing. Nothing specific. I mean, the might be things I want to work on, but I'm never one of those people that's like, well, I'm going to exercise every single day.

You can't do that. You can't start or stop something cold turkey. Well, that's what they say you should do because I think it takes three weeks to build a habit. Three weeks to build a habit. Yeah, if I'd like to make it, it's not as hard after those three weeks. Sure. I'll go along with it. I'm trying to eat more protein.

I don't know if that counts, but I'm kind of doing that now. So maybe I should wait until the new year. Yeah, let yourself go a couple more weeks. Yeah, more carbs. See what I mean? No offense, Ashley, but this is why I never like to talk about New Year's resolution because suddenly we're talking about carbs and protein. You know what I mean?

Yeah. All right, here's another random text message statement. from elementary school custodian Jesus 1998 Britney Spears hottest woman ever I was 13 well wasn't she 13 I was going to say

oh no yeah how old was she when she came on the scene I don't know I don't think I want to do the research on that okay I'm looking at Google 1998 Britney Spears no comment no comment But, by the way, sorry, we get excited once in a while.

We miss out on little details. It wasn't Elaine Keaton. Her character name was not Elaine Keaton. Meredith Baxter-Bernie on the sitcom Family Ties. Her name was Elise Keaton. Sorry, we got excited. Elise. Good call.

So there you go. All right. Wednesday, the halfway mark. Randy Shaver, Brad Ryder a little bit later. Normally on Wednesdays, we'd talk with Marcus Felino. But he asked us again to push it one day back. I think the guy is starting to really enjoy, he's starting to really enjoy sleeping in the morning after game days.

And I can't. He's earned it. I can't, well, no, he didn't. He missed a breakaway last night. His career in general. Oh, it is career. last night. I think he's enjoying sleeping in day after game days, and I get that.

I imagine it's pretty tough to fall asleep after he's played an NHL hockey game. I bet he's got it down by now, though, you think? He's got kids at home, who knows? Yeah, that's true. Plus, those guys are heavy drinkers. Yeah, his first game back, he probably went out with the boys last night. Especially after a 4-0-0 win? Yeah, they probably went out last night.

They're probably right, Dana. I think it actually wrapped up with a five-nothing kind of a thing. Oh, was it? Yeah, it was five-nothing. I think it actually wrapped up with a five-nothing thing. All right. Well, there you go. That's who we got going on a little bit later on today.

Randy Schaeber, Brad Ryder. We'll wait on Marcus until tomorrow. You're a dynamite crowd. I promise you, when we come back, we'll go ahead with that stupid news report. We'll be back in a couple minutes here on the Half Fast Morning Show. Reacts half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheeding.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bealkylaw.com. That's Bia-L-L-L-E-L-A-L-L-L-L-A.com. L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C. I hosted the stacking Benjamin's podcast. You know what? A lot of us get taxes wrong.

Filing your taxes is basically data entry. There's been this trend of people going, oh, it's so cool to file my taxes in August. It's so awesome. Don't worry. I have an extension. It'll be fine. I'd like totally do it later.

Stop. Do your friggin taxes now. That was a really good fashion voice. Did you like it? You do that more frequently, please? Yes, every show from now. stacking benjamins follow and listen on your favorite platform stupid news on the half-assed morning show

yeah you know earlier wait for the acid rock to die down earlier we were jaw jacking about new year's resolutions i can't remember now josh did you put a finger on one that you're going for uh you know it's just like i said every year it's the same try and be a better person uh try and you know get healthier Spend more time with the family. Yeah, you did. Well, good luck with all that. You know what I'm saying to you?

I appreciate that. We were talking about New Year's resolutions. Here's a text message from Mollett, Wheely, Jesus. This is a damn shame. But this is more my style when it comes to a resolution. You know, exercise, all that crap. Boring. Mullet Wheely Jesus said his New Year's resolution last year was to learn how to shuffle a deck of cards.

Oh, I wish I could do that. My wife could be a dealer in Las Vegas. She is so good at that kind of stuff. She can do all the tricks. I suck at it. I've been yelled that before for ruining cards. You guys haven't been ashamed? You're the guy that bends the cards and messes up the corners?

Oh, yeah. I'm like you're the worst. I didn't think I needed it from you. I know, but I'm giving it to you. I just have somebody else shuffle now, so I don't do that. But yeah, I've gotten in some trouble from people. It really pisses people off. Yeah, that's annoying.

I'm trying. I also cannot shuffle a deck of cards, not that I've tried terribly often. My fingers don't, they're not programmed for that type of thing. That's the same reason why I never in a million years would have a chance to legitimately play the guitar. There's not a lot of decks tarry. at all in my fingers. I also cannot shuffle the deck of cards. So here's what dude said. Again, this is mullet, wheelie Jesus. His New Year's resolution last year was to learn how to shuffle the deck of cards. He got it done in a day and a half. But he says, I forgot now how to do it,

so he's going to have to start all over again. Run it back. I'm like your wife, Josh. I'm very good at shuffling cards, and it used to be a nervous tick of mine when I was watching sports. boarding events. I'd need something to do with my hands. So I would just ripple, shuffle, nonstop, a deck of cards. And it drove my ex-wife crazy to the point where she said, I never want to see another deck of cards again because I can't stand that

sound. Oh, I love that sound. Yeah, I too. I like watching that. If somebody's doing it compulsively for three and a half hours and under your watch, it might start to get annoying. I can understand that. Yeah, I can too. My brother, my twin brother can ribidy dip, dip, do, flip, slap, upside down, backwards,

do the thing where the cards go, shooting this way, that way. He can do all that stuff. I can't even come close. I can do the bridge and that's about it. That's pretty cool. I can't do any of it. I think it's pretty cool.

Yeah, I like to do it. The Purve printer says, get an automatic card shuffler. There you go. It's Josh's turn to shuffle. He just reaches under the table. Hold on, I got to plug this bad boy in. It takes a couple minutes to get warmed up.

I'll get it done, though. Don't worry. That sounds cute. An automatic card shuffler. All right, let's get started. here with the Stupid News Report. And we can start things off with some more folks who are not feeling that holiday spirit, not even a little bit, Cubby.

We've had a couple of these so far this holiday season. A couple of stories of folks who are absolutely not feeling the holiday spirit. A couple of dick wagons in Germany. True story, apparently. They upped and punched the donkeys. Yes, it was a donkey punch. They went ahead and punched the donkeys that were parked out front of a Christmas nativity scene. Donkeys are so cool, though.

Real donkeys standing around, right, to add some reality to the nativity scene. These two guys punched those donkeys right in their adorn. horrible donkey faces. I bet a donkey could take a punch. I mean, they're pretty solid animals. Yeah, they're big. Not that you should ever punch one. Yeah, they got a good chin.

That's so sad. I met a donkey once that liked to cuddle. They'd like to, like, you know, give you hugs. The way that a dog would, you know, they put their head into you. This donkey did the same thing. What a good donkey. I also befriended a donkey in my lifetime, Ashley. Every time I would visit the donkey,

she would come running from across the field to see me. And we would hug, yeah. You want to know? Do you want to know what her name was? Yes. Milkshake. Oh, cute. That's awesome.

I went to the British Virgin Islands when I was in high school, and they have like wild donkeys there, like we have deer here. They're just all over the road. Yeah. That was so cool. Oh, really? We went for a work deal. I don't remember that. Do you, Nick? Well, no. We were in that stupid resort. We didn't really wander around. Suppose. Yeah, we never went. I'm trying to just remember the trip there. Like the drive. I remember in Jamaica, the drive to and from was terrifying.

The drive in Jamaica from the airport to the resort was one of the most horrifying experiences of our lives. I have no memory of anything from the British Virgin Islands other than that pot. Resort. Oh, of course, the prostitutes. Yeah, I remember that. The company that flew us to the British Virgin Islands also flew some prostitutes in for us to bang.

Vomiting, urinating, and clothes. I remember those. Didn't that Jamaica bus ride? Didn't you have a Code Brown incident on that bus ride? Yes. Yes. Couldn't remember if I remember that correctly or not. I made the entire tour bus stop in the middle of the

jungle. so I could walk to a village. This was straight out of an adventure movie. I walked through the jungle until I found a village and knocked on a little hut and asked them if I could take a big sh in their house, and they said yes. Oh, that was nice of them.

And they had actual plumbing, right? Yeah, they had a real turlet. Okay. All right, we're getting way off track. Yeah, sorry, sorry. No, I love telling those stories because, I mean, trust me, as I'm walking through the jungle, it's somewhere in the neighborhood of 135 degrees.

As I'm walking through the jungle, I was too afraid to take a deuce in the jungle. Yes, I understand. Because I thought anacondas and tarantulas and honey badgers and whatnot would tear my bag off and run with it. So I wanted to find an actual shelter. But as I'm walking, as I'm sure you can imagine, I said to myself,

look at you. Look at what you've become. Well, it didn't help that everybody on the bus was a total jerk about it. There's radio people. They're all dicks. Maybe that explains it, but... I hated all those people.

Anyway. I mean, they were jerks. Complete jerks. When you were in there, I was asking people, like, you've never been in this... What's he supposed to do? Would you rather he crap his pants on the bus? I raised my hand in the bus and I said, we got to stop this pig.

There's one guy who particular is like, are you serious? Are you serious, man? And I said, yeah, I'm serious. And they're all giving me grief. And what finally convinced him to stop the bus, I said, hey, look, I'll take my hat off my head right now. Put it in the middle of the aisle on this bus and shh into it if you want. I don't care. I don't care about any of you. I don't care if I ever see any of you people again. I will take a deuce on the bus. Or you can stop.

You got to, you make the choice. choice. It's happening either way. All right. So no holiday spirit for these two guys in Germany. They walked up on a nativity scene. A couple of real donkeys were tied down there. They punched the

donkeys. And then these two puke bags went into a church and took a duke on the floor. Well, they're going to hell. They did. Not go to hell. They did take a duke on the floor and they weren't quite done yet after they had emptied their guts

onto the floor of the church they then ransacked a Christmas market i'm not exactly sure what that means i assume they kicked the piss out of some Christmas decorations in town or something like that yeah Christmas markets uh we had there's a couple in the city they're just like cute little things they have a bunch of different stands where they sell Christmas related things It's fun. Like stockings and ornaments. Now, these real life living, breathing donkeys from the nativity scene, by the names of Maisie and Lily, I think, were the names of the...

They were a little confused, but they were just fine. And the two garbage piles who pulled this off are still on the run from the German police. That's just not right. Tough guys. Pardon me? I said big tough guys. They are tough guys. Coming at a donkey head on.

They should come from the other way, so they have a chance to defend themselves. Yeah, you know what? I'd imagine that's going to knock you out pretty good, getting kicked by a donkey. A few people text in and said, they'll kick your ass. If you're on the back end of one of those things, you're in trouble. Listening in Arizona, Jesus, or listening in Phoenix Jesus now, said they have wild donkeys in Arizona, Lake Pleasant Park running around there. Wild, wild donkeys.

Didn't know that. Couldn't. What's the rest of that song? Anyway, I don't like these people who hurt innocent animals. No. Why are they so miserable? How's that everybody else's problem? I'll tell you this.

If anyone ever punches an innocent animal in front of me, I'm going to do everything I can to RKO, that sorry bastard. There will be a brutal RKO. Or a pop-up power bomb. I like the pop-up power bomb. like an animal minding its own business. Right. What if it's an otter?

Do you defend the otter? I hate otters. You do hate otters. All right, I'll let a guy punch an otter. All right, you'll look the other way. That would be the saddest scene. I will let my fellow man punch an otter without any repercussions at all because of my deep rivalry, animosity, and hatred to otters, towards otters.

Don't do this, Ashley. give me that look. You always give, whenever I talk about, whenever I talk about what's been going on between me and Otters since I was about four, you always give me a look. You weren't there. They're so cute. That's their friggin game. That's how they F you. All right. Let's see if we can wrap our heads around this here while we're on the topic of aminals. Oh, I'm just going to go ahead with this. Here's how this one starts off. It says here, the only thing similar to the endless costs of having children is having no children, but dealing with the endless costs of having five dogs, five cats, or any number of horses. Okay, fair enough, I'll go along with it. Expensive,

both endeavors there. Breeding children. or raising numerous pets. A lawyer is in the news, don't you know, because she's suing to IRS. That takes balls right there, number one. Yeah, no, thank you. Yeah, you best not miss there. Yep.

How do you guarantee getting audited the rest of your life? She's suing to IRS. She wants to make it so people's pets count as legal dependent. like human family members. What do you think? It doesn't sound like you're in favor of this. I thought you'd be all for that, Ashley. I mean, that's just crazy, but I would benefit greatly from that situation.

It sounds like your pet expenses are through the roof, actually. Yes, yes, they are. I don't think getting... You should be doing cartwheels right now. Getting that type of refund would not even put a dent in my pet expenses. But it'd be nice to get that refund. Do you pay attention to that, Ashley, or do you pay attention to that, Ashley, or you just know it's expensive or do you budget for,

do you have a line item for pets chewing off legs and all the things your pets do? Well, I guess put it this way. I have one of my other dogs, not the one that chewed their foot off, has been having some issues and there's fear of an ACL tear. And my husband said, well, we used up all the pet money already. So if this one has an ACL tear, he's a goner. Uh-oh. What?

No. That's not all that works. My buddy tours ACL a decade ago. He's not done anything about it. Your dog will be fine. Yeah. All right. So this lady is suing the R.

How do you say it, Josh? The Internal Revenue Service. She wants to make it so people's pets count as legal dependence just like human family members. In a survey, 97% of American pet owners say they consider their pets to be, quote, part of the family. And yes, we do. The argument is those pets are, quote, dependent on humans for food, shelter, medical care, transportation. Transportation. Wouldn't that be something if that wasn't the case?

Huh? Sure, horses. Oh, no, if they're like hail a cab on their own. I was picturing a dog or a cat driving a motor vehicle. They'd have to wear one of those old driving caps and driving gloves. Absolutely. Yep, yep, yep. The lawyer says that her eight-year-old golden retriever has no independent income, resides exclusively with her, and has annual expenses exceeding $5,000.

According to what I'm reading, that all satisfies the IRS intent of dependency, except obviously the dog is in a human being. People are just going to get a bunch of animals. Huh? People are just going to get a bunch of animals not take care of them and get this refund. Well, that's what that would lead to. There's plenty of people out there who have children and don't take care of them and get that refund. Exactly. Like, that's already bad enough.

So currently pets are considered property by the IRS and are not eligible for human dependent tax benefits. Even though a lot of people would probably want this to be considered, the story tells me it's very, very unlikely that anything comes of it. The lawyer is serious about this. She claims she has been damaged because the tax rules are not being applied fairly to animals. It's discrimination to treat taxpayers differently based only on whether their dependents are human or canine or whatever. This person here said their Blu-ray budget is $5,000 and they want special tax benefits. Oh.

So anyways, technically this case hasn't been dismissed yet, so it's still alive for now. Very interesting. Up at the crack of dawn, Jesus wonders if service animals are taxed right off. I bet there's something there, right? I don't know. I bet you're on to something. I just don't effing no. Somebody else brings up you can buy medical insurance for your animals now.

Do you have that, Ashley? I forget. No, I never got it. Pat insurance? None of them are the one that it was most useful for. She wouldn't qualify. They would laugh. Too big of a wrist.

Yep. Oh, sure. Okay. First time here. This is a first for me. Hearing something like this. Some poor bastard in awful, awful London, England. He got four damn parking tickets for leaving his car.

in a disabled parking space. But it wasn't his fault. Turns out the disabled parking space was painted around his car while he was out of town. It's pretty low. Do you understand what I'm saying there? Yeah, it would be so livid.

I swear this wasn't here. Yeah, I would think maybe I was going crazy. How did I get so inattentive? His car was parked on the street. He's out of town. And somebody, and I'll explain who in a minute, walked up and painted the disabled spot around his car. Dude comes back from vacation. He found a pile of parking tickets on his windshield.

Kind of like in the old movies where a crooked cop, as soon as somebody goes by the speed limit sign would hit a button and then it would change. Oh, yeah. You'd pull you over. Yeah. The good news is, dude probably won't have to pay Dick Tracy because it was all a colossal goat rodeo. giant F-up. So here's what somebody in charge of the streets over there in terrible London. Here's what they explained.

They said, our road marking guy painted lines for a new disabled parking spot. He painted around a car as is standard practice. Because otherwise, he would have had to have. wait for the space to be free, which may have taken weeks. Okay? They have never heard of a tow truck, apparently. It had to be done that day, I guess. Disabled parking spot had to be painted that day.

The line painter guy couldn't wait. He's got other things. He's got to get done. So here's where the F-Up actually happened. The line painter guy, he took a picture of the car. So the city would know not to give the owner any tickets. But that picture never made it into the hands of the parking ticket cops.

So they had no effing clue and assumed that day after day, the same car was using a disabled parking spot without any disabled parking permits anywhere on the car. Did I put that together well enough for you? Yeah. Because there's a lot there. You know, and meanwhile, the car owner is hundreds of miles away on vacation, bombing drinks and firing randos into the tall grass without a case. care in the world. He comes home. He's got parking tickets coming out his ass. The city apologized to the

dude for the confusion. It looks like everybody will be able to happily move on with their miserable English lives. It's so weird they didn't tow the car. Yeah. I mean, that would happen pretty quickly here. But he was parked legally. Well, they didn't think so. They thought he was parked in a handicapped sign, right? Or a handicapped sign, right? Oh, oh, once the parking ticket cops. Yeah. Yeah. I think like they'd get rid of it. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe they don't have tow trucks in England. I don't know.

They don't have tow trucks over there, do that? They must not. I don't friggin' know. And their police and ambulance sirens sound goofy. They do. It sounds stupid. That's not intimidating. No.

They should change those. Right, that whole bit. Uh-huh. I'll be damned. Okay, moving on here with the stupid news. Over the 27, 28 long. years we've been doing this here morning show, we've encountered problems with people showing up late for work, myself included. I was late for work about three days a week for a stretch of time.

I was unhappy. I was drunk all the time. I was almost always late for work many years ago. And I was so cocky that when the boss called me into his office to reprimand me for being late, I more or less said, look, pal, you try it. I said, you try doing early morning radio five days a week, and then you come talk to me. He wasn't happy with that, but that was the way I operated back then. At one point or another, Ashley had her struggles with getting here on time,

or showing up at all. But then she met her wonderful husband and his wonderful family, and they saved her from being a derelict. Thank you, honey. You wouldn't be a derelict without them. It probably won't be going as good as it is, that's for sure. Single Ashley is no bueno. You had trouble getting here on time for quite a stretch.

Oh, yeah. I couldn't figure it out, but I got it down now. Yeah, you do. Very much so. You got it. Now you got it. Try this one out. A Lady in Spain.

Don't ever play Lady of Spade again. What movie? A lady in Spain, she got the gas, she got fired from her job for being too punctual. She did. She's a damn 22-year-old. Says here she repeatedly turned up to work as early as 40 minutes before her scheduled start time. That's a little extra. The boss told her to knock it off.

She didn't. So they fired her. and physically threw her out of the building. Says here, her workday was scheduled to begin at 7.30. But for two damn years, she kept popping up between 6.45 and 7 a.m. And according to the story, the boss said, look, lady, you can't be punching in early. That's not how we operate up in here.

The boss also said that her early bird routine was not really contributing anything to the company. That's cold that he said that. Over that two-year period I was telling you about, the company gave her multiple verbal and written warnings, telling her to stay the F out of there until 7.30. But the gal wouldn't budge. That's so odd. She's got her schedule.

I think she might be insane. Yeah. But the gal wouldn't budge. She kept showing up early. On some days, it says here, this crazy lady attempted to log into the company's computers before she even got to the office to do some work stuff. Does she have anything going on? No.

Yeah, she must not. The company, they didn't look at her as a hard worker. They looked at her as a pain in the ass that refused to follow instructions. Next stop was a courthouse. The gal thought her firing was unfair and this and that. The court sided with the company, saying this was a case of a continued failure to comply with work plans. policies.

Yeah, they gave her warnings. Suck it up, lady. And at least... That is so freaking bizarre. It's weird that they tell her specifically and she's, nope, I'm still doing what I want. At least in the future when, you know, new jobs ask, oh, why did you get fired from that place? She can be like I was, I was always early.

They're not going to believe her. I don't get it. What are you doing? Why can't you change? Why are you not listening to what you're being told by your boss? I know that's very difficult for some people to admit that they're not running things, but there is a boss, and you do need, within reason, you do need to do what they tell you to do.

I don't get it. Your friendly neighborhood garbage man, Jesus said he used to have to swipe a card to clock in. It wouldn't allow you to clock in. Yeah, I'm sure, you know, they're trying not to get people just stealing cash, or not, maybe that's not that's not the way put it, you know, stealing extra money by working later than you're supposed to.

I worked with someone once. It wasn't an hourly gig, it was a radio gig, and they would work, stay at the station so long just for clout to suck up to the boss and post on social media. Wow, 10 p.m. still at the station. Been here since six.

You know, like grind never stops, you know, this and that. And then I'd ask, well, what did you get X, Y, and Z? he done? Did you work on this? He said, well, I didn't have time for that. So what did you accomplish? And it was strictly just to brag and be like, look, the grind never ends. I'm always grinding. I'm always working. But they didn't do anything. Just go home. Yes. Some obnoxious is. Oh, it was so horrible. Oh, yeah. You see that sometimes where people really get nothing done. Yeah. It's more like kind of socializing. And then they're so busy. Yeah. And it's just for show.

years ago I worked at a warehouse where he had to punch in and out and every warehouse has this dynamic duo right where dude leaves work doesn't punch out his buddy punches him out later right yeah oh sure that whole gimmick I've got a story like that coming up in the news something I'd never heard before it's crazy how these people were stealing time and don't get me wrong I like these two guys I did but they were they would do that for each other One of them would disappear from the warehouse without punching out.

And then his buddy would secretly punch him out six hours later, right? And they both got fired for this. And I remember I ran into them, you know, whatever, a couple days later. And they were, yeah, we got effed on that. They thought they were the victims? I do love that attitude. And I mentioned it before. I mean, I wouldn't want to be that person, but at the same time, I do get a little jealous.

Because you're never going to feel guilt about anything. You're never going to feel bad about anything because it's never your fault, no matter how much your fault it really is. I even ran into one of their dads and said, hey, I heard Donnie got fired for punching his buddy out and he was leaving. And even his dad was like, yeah, that was a screw job right there. They got screwed. I was fascinated.

I had to ask. Explain to me how these guys got boned. They're getting paid to do nothing. They're leaving the building. And then their friend punches him out six hours later. How are they? It's like my palmer. who got a DWI driving down a set of railroad tracks, okay?

He got his mother's station wagon hung up on the railroad tracks because he was driving drunk. The train almost destroyed his mother's station. He was able to get out of the vehicle and push it off the, but just narrowly avoided getting killed. He called me from jail the next morning and said, well, this is bullshit. And I said, what? Yeah, this is, I got screwed. How did you get screwed? You were drunk and driving a vehicle down the railroad tracks.

How are you the victim? Quite a few people are texting in saying they got a lot of time thieves at their work too. People who will just go take a nap somewhere or punch in early, punch out late, that type of thing. I've got respect for the nappers. I do. I ain't mad at you that you duck into the corner and take a nap now and again. When I worked at the car rental joint, I often would go hide out in one of those sprinter vans, you know, those 10 passenger vans and just kind of lay down in the back for a nice little half hour shut-eyed nap. That's genius.

But if you're leaving at noon and then your bro punches you out at 6 o'clock, come on. That's young guy stuff. As a young guy, I probably would have, I would have considered it, you know. We've had people here over the years that have patted their hours, certainly. One boss even brought it up once like, you know, I want to help the person out here, but this is getting ridiculous. Is there any way they're working this long? And we're like, hell no. You did not work 70 hours in one week.

You don't do anything around here. You're being kind by using the word padding their hours. This was colossal robbery is what it was. The company is going to notice if they're paying you like 3,000. extra dollars a week. Just ridiculous, ridiculous. The stories some of these frigging characters would spin. Yeah, I worked 76 hours.

No, you did not. Well, once you had to start all of a sudden saying, okay, cool, just write down kind of what you're getting done in that time. Right. Things seem to change pretty quickly. There's no way that took you four hours to accomplish. All right. We got to get going here shortly, but this sounds like fun.

the wildly misinformed and godless social media crowd is talking about a bar in North Carolina. North F me running. At this bar, ladies get to drink for free if they bring in a picture of a man who cheated on them. How many times can you do this? Did you have more than just the one person? Was that you have? Yeah. But I mean, that was like,

the only more serious case. The rest were just like, you know. Junior high. Yeah. Yeah, that doesn't come. I put in a picture of like a 12-year-old, this dude. Yeah, that doesn't. You can't show a sixth grade picture and say, this guy broke my heart.

That doesn't really apply. But I don't know how often you can pull this off. But if the ladies bring in a picture of a man who cheated on them, they drink for free at a bar in North Carolina called, What do they call the joint? Johnny Dollars. They went ahead and hosted their first ever, and this is such a great name for the event.

Very clever. Back on November 21st, they hosted their very first. F. We dated the same guy night. That's funny. Wonderful title. F. What's the name of that Facebook group?

We talked about it a couple times where women share, Yeah, I got cheated on by this guy too. Yeah. Gosh, I can't remember. No, neither. I had to leave it, actually. Oh, you were on it? Yeah, it was just too much.

It seemed bad. It was a lot of guys were getting posted that didn't do anything, like malicious. That's what I heard. What was the name of the? He didn't call me back. Oh, no. That's what I heard. There was a website where women were gathering and lighting up men who cheated on them.

There's a lawsuit about it, too. Yeah, because it's social media and people can't control themselves, their anger and their lies. They were lighten up dudes who were totally innocent and putting their pictures up there. And it just turned, like everything else involved with social media, it turned into a total disaster. Yeah, I can't remember what that was called. Probation Officer Sheezis, excuse me, and Dental Babe Sheeseses both said it's called, are we dating the same guy? Yes. So it's very similar.

Yep, that's it. Lighten up, innocent people. So word is, F, we dated the same guy night. At Johnny Dollars was a big hit. A lot of gals showed up and got hammered and had a good time. All of them carrying a picture of the guy who went behind their back and crushed some strange. The bar owners got the idea from a picture that they posted online of folks drinking at their bar. You look up any bar on the internet, right?

They've got a picture of an act. active scene at the bar where everyone's hanging around drinking and having a good time, right? Some dude, when Johnny Dollars put up a picture of, you know, a typical scene online, some guy contacted the bar and said, please take down that picture. It got me in trouble with the girlfriend. You see what happened there? Yeah. So that gave them the idea. The lady who runs Johnny Dollars said, we just want to get drunk with the girls who understand what we've been through.

I wonder if they'll ever do the same thing but for guys. That's what they're working on, Cubby. That's what they're working on. Would you be able to show up with a picture? I don't, you know, I don't think I've ever been cheated on, but possibly. I mean, who knows? Oh, sure. Yes, the bar owner lady is looking forward to hosting a similar night for Brohammers.

But a date has yet to be set for that disaster. My wife is listening to right now, and she just texted that. She definitely looked me up on the, are we dating the same guy Facebook group when we first got together. Oh, really? Yeah. She didn't find anything on me, obviously, but she did see a guy that she had dated previously.

It was all over it. Oh, that's great. That's hilarious. And you know what? This bar in North Carolina, seeing how it's North Carolina, one gal did show up at the bar with a picture of Rick Flair. I mean, I could believe it.

Yeah, of course. About 1,500 women could have shown up probably with a picture of the nature of the nature of. Sports on the 93X half-assed morning show. Just had to take some time and get back to it. So feel good now, and, you know, it sucks when you're away, but, you know, did everything right in the rehab process and then feel 100%.

So excited to be back in the lineup now. We'll be hearing from that prick tomorrow. Marcus Bellino talking about his return to the lineup. And the pigs are just killing it here lately, Cubby. I know. Don't they have like something? I've read something yesterday about it. best in the league. Now I forget what it is.

Well, since November... Since November 1st, they're 17, 3 and 2 or something like that. Since November 1st, that is the best record in the NHL since the beginning of November. Yeah, that's what it was. That's what you... Even before the new kid got here. Yeah. They had started to really gain

some momentum. And they beat Washington last night, five rip. And Marcus was back. Did he have to kick anybody's ass? I had the game on television last night. I didn't see him kick anybody's ass. I didn't watch. I read about the game today. Didn't see anything about it. Flem just kicked my ass. Yeah. Not to me, but, you know, I'm the worst offender. They're just pumping everybody. They're going this way. They're going that way.

Next up, yeah, just when you had a little momentum. Now they've got to go play a game at Columbus. Oh, man, nobody deserves that. How do you get up for a game in Columbus? You know what I mean? You've got this terrific streak going. You've got the new guy in the mix, right? And then you've got to go to Columbus and play the most non-descript franchise in all of professional sports. Imagine being a rookie and you're thinking your NHL dreams came true. You made it to the big leagues.

And then all of a sudden you find out you got to go to Columbus to play hockey. I'd quit the game. Yeah. I'd quit the game. So that's tough. That's a tough schedule right there. You never know. You never know.

You got to get up for these meaningless games every once in a lot. while and their next one is certainly that. How far away is Columbus from Cincinnati? Anybody know? Not a friggin clue. I just wonder if the team plane could pick up Joe Burrow and just get him here as fast as possible. Bring him back to town. Just get him on the plane.

Let's have him start this weekend. Joe Burra, Viking starting quarterback next year. That's only an hour and a half drive. That's it? Yeah. I'd been on a team plane? That's nothing. No.

Hour and a half? Yeah. Even I'll fly an hour and a half. Timberwo. playing tonight at home against a Memphis grisly, lots of other things going on, and we'll cover it when Dinkus and other Dinkas show up. Randy Schaeber, Brad Ryder. Until then, stick around for Josh's News Report.

The 93-Hags Half-Ast Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. AC Tuneup means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC Tuneup or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

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And it spells relief for you. Next role with Vernon Davis, the transformative journeys of athletes, artists, and entrepreneurs. Ladies and gentlemen, lights out, Sean, Merrim. I want to be the biggest and the best of when I do. And so whatever it takes, I'll get it done in business and everything else. All I do is know how to fight and earn what I want. My man. Malik asks, what actor, comedian,

what you want to collaborate with? Me, Jamie Foxley, Kevin Hart, in a movie. We said it on Vernon Davis podcast then, so we'll circle back and be like, yep, and go to Cleop. Next role with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show.

It's not just the swearing. Did one of you fornicate? Fornicate? Look, I've boneed a lot of. chicks of my time, sure. But as far as I can recall, I've never fornicated anybody. Crazy. You know, like I said, my wife and I've been here for almost over two years, and it's been very peaceful just to hear something like that. It's crazy to think of what's going on. What the hell happened now? If this feels like an odd way to settle into the holiday season,

you're not alone. Several Twin City schools were closed yesterday after threats were made against them, and by the end of the day, a teenager was in custody. It started Sunday when Apple Valley Police learned of a threat, investigated it, and determined it was incredible. Then came Monday, and with it a video circulating on social media that raised new concerns, that video listed four high schools, Burnsville, Apple Valley, Eastview, Rosemount, and Egan, prompting officials to cancel classes as a precaution.

As the day went on, the situation shifted again. Another social media threat surfaced in the afternoon, this one targeting Burnsville middle schools. That led to those schools dismissing early, along with nearby elementary schools, sending students home sooner than planned. Apple Valley police later arrested a 16-year-old in Egan, who they believe was responsible for the video aimed at the high schools.

The video showed a number of weapons, but investigators said no weapons were found during the search. At the same time, Burnsville police identified two juveniles connected to the middle school threat, and they're now questioning them. Burnsville police say this remains an active investigation. However, at this time, we do not believe these threats are related, and there's no indication of an ongoing threat to the public.

Apple Valley Police add that the video threat from Monday appears to be a copycat or piggyback of the original threat investigated Sunday, and they say the teen is now in custody. That is in custody was not responsible for that first incident. These teenage kids like to have a few laughs. Yeah. Gross. School district, they just need to find a,

different way to laugh, I guess. Yep. School districts, 1951 and 196 sent messages to families, reassuring them there is no active or ongoing threat and that classes will resume today. Of course, the incident adds to growing unease after multiple recent violent incidents, among them a shooting in Minnesota at Stewartville High School in which a student was critically injured, a mass shooting at Brown University that killed two students and injured multiple others, and an overseas attack at a Hanukkah celebration in Australia, which claimed at least.

least 15 live. I'm so disgusted. Yeah, there's no other way to really put it. Turn up. Tired of it. Yeah, I know. I mean, I don't get it. Hopefully this kid learns a lesson, and maybe other kids will realize this is far more

serious than we thought, but, you know, he's going to, I'm sure he or she had a pretty rough night last night. Turned out to be a surprisingly efficient day for anyone who needed both bread and razor blades on their latest Walmart run. Unfortunately, it was far less ideal for shoppers who planned to make a sandwich without risking their tongues. A handful of customers shopping at two separate Walmarts in Biloxi, Mississippi made an unsettling discovery after getting home, finding razor blades hidden inside their plans for breakfast. It appears a 33-year-old woman placed razor blades in loaves of bread,

prompting the store to remove the product from shelves and leading to her Tuesday arrest, and now she's toast, facing some major charges. According to Biloxi PD, store management received complaints from customers who had already encountered the blades, and once employees began checking the remaining inventory, officers reported more razor blades were found, pushed into packages still sitting on store shelves. In response, Walmart removed all suspected bread from the stores and asked anyone who bought the loaves their Monday to carefully inspect their packages and report any problems. So far, no motive was revealed for the bread tampering, but it does make you wonder,

luckily police don't believe any other stores have been targeted well the crazy lady in town got busy huh just shoving razor blades and bread for some reason weird got to keep on the crazy lady in town she did kind of look like a crazy lady too they oh i'm sure she did they released video of her walking in and out of the walmarts a richfield man's accused of targeting nearly a dozen women over the past few months not with threats threats, fists, or firearms, but with flying water balloons. Kind of a follow-up on a story we talked about earlier this year. He's been water ballooning people as they walk by his house?

Yeah, well, no, not by his house, just out in public. 14 charges landed in Hennepin County Monday, including assault's motivated bias. A court document say every reported target was female, suggesting a soggy streak of sexism rather than random rubber splashing. He's targeting women and women, only women who are alone for. the most part, women who are in their yards with their kids. One resident. Is that right? It's kind of funny, right? If I was a kid and I saw my mom get pelted the water balloon, I think I'd have to chuck it.

Oh, man. You just look around for more water balloons. One resident said she was jogging last month when a water balloon sailed out of a passing car and smacked her mid-stride. God dang. The initial reaction is it's like a prank. It's so silly. It's funny.

And it would have been funny if it was a teenager or somebody young, she said. Oh, this is some guy in his 40s or something? Or 50s. Oh. She said the mood soured once she realized the thrower appeared to be in his upper 40s or even in his 50s. That's a little different. She reported the incident to Richfield Police after discovering that,

despite admitting it did feel little silly. Then she posted about it on social media. The responses poured in. Comment after comment came from women saying they'd been hit the same way. What's this guy's deal? Another woman said she took a yellow water balloon to the butt. just walking along and got thumped pretty hard in the booty. She said she laughed it off at first and would never have contacted police,

but after seeing the online post and comparing notes with other women, she did speak to an officer. According to court documents, once the report was first filed, police identified nine more victims. All were struck by water balloons tossed from the same vehicle between May and November. Maybe you can't get a bonesky anymore. It's something like that. It's definitely something he's blaming women.

This is his only sexual payoff kind of a thing. And obviously it's concerning what was in those water balloons. They didn't say if there's anything other water and then if he'd escalate. Oh, no. Court records also show the man charged has a prior felony conviction for trying to pick up a hooker in 2012. Oh, yeah, he must not have much luck. Picking up hookers. That one victim has a point, though, as an adult, I'd feel kind of silly calling the cops about getting hit by a water balloon.

You know what, and every woman said that. Yeah. They all said, and had they not gone, geez, this guy's kind of old for something like this. Government staff in China have been caught slipping past sophisticated surveillance with a decidedly discount disguise. Paper masks printed with their co-workers' faces used to game facial recognition systems and clock in without ever showing up for work. Surveillance footage shows multiple staff members, hold. holding printed face masks and taking turns checking in at the attendance computer, with each attempt reportedly accepted by the system,

allowing one person to clock in for several coworkers by simply swapping masks. The paper parade ended after a whistleblower reported the ruse in October. Officials have yet to say how many people participated or how long the workaround worked before someone noticed the masks didn't match the manpower. They also didn't divulge how the Chinese workers were able to keep it on the down. down low, Maine, before anyone noticed. This is corruption. They should all be fired and legally punished, one commenter wrote.

That's awful harsh. So many people struggle to find work, another added. Others aimed their eye or less at the actors and more at the algorithm, noting the flaws is far from new. A 2022 report had already shown that printed face masks costing as little as a buck 50 were enough to fool some facial recognition systems. surprising. Yeah, no. Yeah. I mean, I think it sounds pretty high tech.

You should probably update that. Raising longstanding questions about how secure and reliable the tools really are. And bending workplace tech isn't confined to China for government workers. In Canada, federal networks were forced to block Netflix, prime video, and other streaming platforms after employees were caught consuming terabytes of content during work hours. Yeah, I mean, that's one way to do what I can. guess, right? Yeah, I mean, creative, but it's kind of shocking that it worked.

Mm-hmm. And they're trying to figure out exactly how long, but certainly months. So one day I show up with a Dana, Ashley, and Nick Mask the next day, Dana does the same thing with the rest of us. Yeah. That's true. We have an Ashley on a stick from the state fair. I never thought of that.

It's adorable. You guys could get into my phone pretty easily. Oh, yeah? We should try that. Yeah, give that a shot. Yeah, let me see. You'll have to hand it to me just to make sure it doesn't get your face by accident. So you have a-this won't work, will it?

Your cell phone doesn't have a password, Ashley. It has facial recognition? It has both. Has both. All right. So Josh is pointing the Ashley on a stick at her cell phone. Not working. Dang.

Good. Good. That makes me feel better because I know I know some people have those. Some people have what? The Ashley on a face. Oh, oh, so you feel better now. Yeah, Ashley on a stick. You feel better now knowing that everyone can't get into your phone.

Yes. I'm going to try mine and see if it works. You are trying what? Oh, it worked. That's not you, Josh. I'm holding up a picture of Tara Reid. We must look so much alike. I do see the similarities.

It worked on my phone. That is legitimately an autographed photo of Tara Reed. Every time somebody comes in, they're like, what do we got here? Is that terror reason? I saw Dr. Jen pick it up the other day through the window. I was like, I wonder if she thought about that. Who? Dr. Andrea.

Dr. Andrew. Oh, God. Do you know what Dr. Jen? No, I don't. I don't know where they. I think I confused them something there. What Jen is on your mind, Dana. It's a little game they play.

So, Josh, you also have facial recognition on your phone. Yeah, so do you? I do. Yeah. F me. Sometimes even low-life scammers will do whatever it takes to make it to a court date to answer for their crimes, even if it means committing another one to get there. A Florida woman was arrested last week after driving a stolen vehicle to the federal courthouse

where she was scheduled to stand trial for her role in defrauding the government of $29 million. That's a few bucks right there. Yeah, that's a lot. You're going to get in trouble for that. 39-year-old Latoya Clark was blocks away from the U.S. District Court in Fort Pierce when a license plate reader flagged her vehicle is stolen. She was pulled over by a sheriff's deputy about 8.30 a.m. Once Clark stepped out of the vehicle and was handcuffed, an officer explained why she was being detained,

and Clark replied, oh, I know why, thinking it was because she was on her way to the federal courthouse for trial. Apparently unaware, the stop had nothing to do with that case. Instead, right then and there, her ripped off ride was added to a rap sheet. Court record show Clark rented a van from U-Haul two months earlier, and on a one-day rental, by the way, when she didn't return it, the company reported the vehicle stolen. She missed her court date, which is going to get her into even more trouble. I love renting those U-Hauls and driving them around.

I feel so powerful. I imagine, like, semi-truck drivers feel that way. You feel pretty tough behind the wheel there on that thing? I'm in charge. I'm terrified. I've rented moving vans where it was probably the most unsafe vehicle on the road. The first time I ever drove on, I was helping a girlfriend move, and she goes, yeah, we have to go get the U-Haul. So we go to the U-Haul place, and she hands me the keys.

I'm like, I'm driving. I kind of thought you were going to do that. Okay, here we go. You didn't want to drive the big vehicle? No. Josh, you ain't kidding. I've rented a couple of moving vans in my life, and I mean, you want to be. to talk about a rattle as you're going down that you have to you have to turn the wheel all the

way around to get it go just a little to the left it feels like at any minute it's just going to give way completely like the blues mobile when they finally got to the cook county courthouse yeah some of those those moving vans i mean honestly i think they have never seen a mechanic ever once the rattle and the rumble is something to experience but always had fun Meanwhile, on the other end of the country, a man in California managed to turn a routine court appearance into an encore performance. He showed up at the San Mateo California courthouse for a hearing tied to a drug charge and brought drugs with him. Security discovered three baggies of fentanyl along with used foil in his possession. Doesn't he know that they search you before you?

Yeah, he's like, hey, I've never seen a drug in my left. Oh, crap. If I'm going to court, I'm going to stay high, he said. When deputies asked about it, he said he forgot the drugs were on him. I forgot. Oh, yeah, that happens all the time. That line landed with some extra weight given his recent resume. Just last month, he was arrested after officers found 2.7 pounds of fentanyl worth $40,000,

along with methamphetamine, mushrooms, 500 plastic baggies, and $3,500 in cash. 500 plastic baggies. I wonder if he's selling. No. They can't get enough of that fentanyl is what I hear. Yeah, not good. And in a rare moment, and certainly the first and recent memory, the University of Michigan is in the news. A study there found 20% of people, 50 and older who use cannabis, admitted to driving while high, at least once in the past year. People over 50. Over 50.

Over 50, yeah. Are driving while high. I'm picturing a couple of my bros right now. Yeah, me too. It makes sense to you? Yeah. Police in Colorado had an eventful weekend. like usual, but there was one arrest that stood out from the others. The Commerce City Police Department rounded up its most notable calls from the weekend and a weekly update posted to YouTube, pulling highlights for more than 300 incidents, including one that the department described as truly bizarre.

According to police, sometime overnight from Friday and to Saturday, a man managed to crawl under a gate into the department's secured parking lot, slip into the facility, and somehow steal a patrol vehicle while unencumbered by clothing. With no shirt, pants, or plan, the birthday-suited butlord took off in the stolen cruiser on what police later described on Facebook as, quote, the briefest, excuse me, briefest, and we do mean brief of joy rides before officers caught up with him. When police removed him from the vehicle, they confirmed what was already painfully apparent. The man was operating in the news.

Officers caught and stopped him driving around the Civic Center, got him out of the vehicle, and discovered he was completely naked. Body-worn camera footage released by the department shows him attempting some last-second modesty clutching a piece of cloth or flag over his winter shrunk anatomy. What's up with the music behind that clip? It's all joyful. They like to play the hits when they're telling the news stories over there. The hackers are going after the whackers.

A hacking group that includes members of a gang known as shiny hunters say it's trying to extort porn hub, claiming it has stolen personal information belonging. to the site's premium members. Oh, is that right? Yeah. On Friday, Pornhub confirmed it was among several companies affected by an earlier security incident at Mix Panel, a widely used web and mobile analytics provider.

That breach exposed unspecified analytic events tied to some Pornhub premium users, pulling the adult site into a much larger data problem that's been unfolding for weeks. By Monday, a sample of the stolen Pornhub data had been reviewed by several, social media outlets and revealing personal information associated with Pornhub Premium members. The data included registered email addresses and location, along with detailed activity information,

meaning they know when you touch yourself and just what gets you going. Oh, no, I bet there's some users that are like, please just give them the money. I went to that site on Christmas on accident. I was looking at some weird stuff. The information included in the whack hack includes video. videos and channels users watch the video names and web addresses, keywords linked to those videos, and the exact date and time each event was recorded. A spokesperson for the Shiny Hunter's gang said the hackers have sent an extortion email only to Pornhub so far,

but declined to say how many other companies may have been caught up in the breach. The story traces back to just before Thanksgiving when Mix panel disclosed it had discovered a breach November 8th. The company said the incident affected corporate customers but didn't name it. them or explain how they were impacted. Open AI later confirmed they were one of the affected customers. According to MixPanel's own website, the company serves around 8,000 customers, and each of those customers could have millions of users, meaning the scope of the data taken in the breach could be enormous, with Pornhub now just one very visible piece of a much bigger problem. So these hackers are stealing these folks' identities and stealing their money, or they're just

exposing what kind of porno movies they watch. Right, the latter. So they're trying to get money out of companies like Pornhub saying, hey, unless you want all this information out there, send us some cash. I guess I

like Josh has said before when we've talked about you know, someone stumbling upon a porno movie starring you, Josh, right? You've said before, look, I'm 50 years old. I really don't care.

Yeah, not anymore. I'd certainly be embarrassing. You got a video on me bumping, look, I don't care. I'm not giving you any money. I'm 50. Nobody wants to see it in the first place. You know, right. If I was a younger person, yeah, that would be concerning. Yeah, it'd be devastating as a younger person. If you're looking at something that you don't want your friends to know

about and all that. But I no longer have anything to live for. Dazzling Filipino singer, Mani Pacquiao 47. Today is he only 47? I would have guessed older as well. I'll be damned. I assumed he was older than me. Yeah. I was way wrong.

Mila, Mia, Habah, Jovovich is 50 today. Oh, yeah. How do you say her name? Nobody knows. Mila or Mia? I've heard both. Yeah, I've heard both as well. We used to work with a guy that called her Yojavich, and I know that's not true.

Nope. Did you ever watch her portray Joan of Arc? I saw the trailers, but that's as far as I got. How was it? In a motion picture. That is one wickedly violent but really enjoyable film. I wish I could tell you the title. It might just simply be Joan of Arc.

I don't remember. But I'll be damned. Eugene Levy, known for him. He's in it too. Get out of here. Yeah. Eugene Levy. He plays Jesus.

They didn't have eyebrows that big back then. Known for his. It's Rick Moranis, Eugene Levy, and Mila Jovovovich in the story of Joe of with a special appearance by John Candy and Polly Shore. As Dana mentioned, known for his legendary humor as well as his legendary eyebrows, 79 today. I love him. Eugene Levy in Splash. I'll just dump that on you in case you haven't seen it yet.

Eugene Levy in the movie Splash is absolutely remarkably funny. Here's your eyebrow fact for the day. Eyebrow fact. I was waiting for this. That's why I got out of bed this morning. I knew. Some people are like, why the guy never talk about eyebrows? Do we all trim ours? Yes.

I don't. Yeah, I pluck mine. You don't, Dana? I found a rogue eyebrow here the other day that shocked me. I'm like, how did I not notice that thing? This is that longer than the rest? Do you mind if I get a look at you later, Dana, and give me some advice? I had a girlfriend make fun of me for trimming them, but they get bushy if I don't.

Not Eugene Levy Bush. It's ridiculous if you don't. You should. I had a rogue going. that was like pointing at people to the side of me. It was rude. He's going to stab somebody. What is your eyebrow fact?

The space between your eyebrows is the glabella, derived from the Latin terms for smooth and hairless, which describes everything below my sock line for some reason. I can't figure it out. All these years of wearing socks, there's just no hair below it. That's so goofy looking. I love it. I know.

It is weird, isn't it? It looks like I shave because they're perfectly sock line. Yeah, I didn't believe you at first until I saw it. And I was like, dude, that's crazy. Because I have hairy legs. I don't get it. And it's so obvious. The globulus.

Is that what you said? The globola. The globella. The globella means smooth and hairless. You know who's been smooth and hairless since the day he was born? Lucky bastard? Curtis. Yeah, you mentioned that before.

My chest is hairless. Not because I shave it. I just nothing grows there. Everything like from my thighs down stopping at the sock line. It's insane. I'm very jubes. The hellas of those fellas who don't have body hair issues. You used to trim your hand hair with some scissors around here.

When I'd be bored here at work. Here we go. When I'd be bored here at work. I would sit and trim the hair on the back of my hand. Josh would hear this all day. What are you doing? I'm just mindlessly. It must grow fast because you'd do it quite a bit.

Well, I haven't done it in years, actually. But I'm saying back then. I'm not. Oh, I don't, yeah. It wasn't a, it really wasn't a grooming move. It was a straight up boredom. Something to do. But yeah, now I'm doing all right back there nowadays.

They say if you trim it, it grows back thicker. That can't be true. Yeah, no, that's a old life's tale. I'd look like Robin Williams right now. And last but certainly not least, supposed Minnesota resident but confirmed Ghostbusters star Ernie Hudson is 80. Calibration Jesus checks in with a shout out to the original Martin crew, now Transcat in Burnsville.

Motor Breath Jesus got notified yesterday. He's going to Antarctica for eight months, starting in January, and is very excited. Of course, we're sorry to see you go for a bit, but happy for you, brath. Happy birthday to Sean Senior and Sean Jr., box truck driver, heating the air horn for Nick Jesus. And a shout out to the St. Paul Fire Academy class of 2025 B, graduating today. and that's 93x news.

Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. Foldy hustling. He has Felino driving the net. Foldy cuts to the middle a shot. He scores. An American gets into the mix tonight on Russian night in St. Paul.

Oh, I'll tell you what. Here we go. Randy Schaeber and Bradrider, what's up, you stupid bastards? Whoa. Nice intro. Thank you. singularly, which one of us is the stupid?

Yeah. I thought I put a... Yeah, he put an S at the end of it. I pluralized that. S's to a lot of things. Yeah, that was an S at the end. Most folks, I guess I thought my S's were usually pretty obvious because of my teeth. Anyway, good morning.

Good morning. Good morning. Yeah, I thought they were hard to mistake because of my front teeth. The pigs are just a house of fire right now. Boy, Randi. Fun to watch. Fred, right? Yeah.

Whooping everybody asks. Even before the new kid came to town, Quinn Hughes, even before he came to town, you could see that things were coming together. I mean, even more than just coming together. They were playing very well, but now that Hughes is in the mix. I mean, he's a talented guy and all that. And I think just the fact that Bill Guerin went ahead and made that deal has given this club a boost.

I think that's part of the reason he went ahead and made the deal. because he saw them, and the rest of us saw a little bit of promise here that if we had another piece or two, you know, maybe this could be something. I'm looking forward to asking Marcus Polino tomorrow about this. Yeah, Marcus played last night. He did. He was back in the mix. He blew a breakaway. We'll ask him about blowing that breakaway last night. But I'm interested in asking Marcus about this tomorrow. He called this yesterday and said, hey, look, can I come on Thursday instead of Friday?

and we said, of course. I remember, was it last year? Marcus kind of spoke out a little bit about a lack of moves being made. Yeah. I don't remember that. I don't remember the specifics. I do.

Yeah. I don't remember the specifics, Bradrider, but he made kind of a comment about wanting the club, the management, to back them up a little bit. Make a move. Show us that you, us that you believe in us by adding a piece or two. So I'm looking forward to getting Marcus's take on what's been going on. I don't think he complained about it as much as he phrased it in a way

where he came across like, yeah, guys in the locker room notice when moves are made. I don't think it was a complaint that they didn't make them. I think it was more like a statement of, yeah, guys will notice when they do. Yeah. So I think that's a big part of it is the club now, the boys on the roster are thinking, okay, we were made to win now, so let's do that, you know. The bosses think we can do this? You know, it adds a little pep in your step,

a little confidence. The man bear pig shut out Washington at home last night. You heard the lead announcer there, Andy LaFontaine. Anthony Lepenta. Anthony Lepanta. I was going to see if you could get there. He said it was a Russian gang bang last night at the rink.

The best kind. Vladimir Teresenko knocked in a couple of goals. Is it, Dana? Well, if it's anything like their twerk team. Oh, yeah. I forgot about them. It's anything like the Russian twerk squad. Teresenko, two goals and an assist.

Caprisoff got in there too. We scored a power play goal. Another Russian by the name of Yulov that I'm not familiar with. He put one past the netminder. He's actually playing really well. You're of? You love, you're of, you tell me. Yeah.

And then on the back end, old Phil Gustafson made 25 saves. Caprisoff's power play goal, his 70th, not of the season, Ashley. Right. That'd be a record. Career. That would be an amazing record. 34, 34 games I'd say he'd be earning his money. Caprisoff's power play goal made him the pig's all-time leader in goals scored with the man advantage.

Man advantage is how you say it. He passed our old homeboy Zachie in that department. Cubby mentioned this earlier. So since November 1st, this hockey club is 17, 3, and 2. That's the best record. In the National Hockey League, they're 3 in 0. since acquiring this Hughes kid. And again, last night, this is the most pleasing trend, in my opinion.

Again, last night, zero empty net goals. A clean game. When I saw the score, that was the first thing I checked. A respectful game. The other thing they're doing is they're putting some space between themselves and the wild card teams, which, I mean, I know it's, you know, we're about halfway through the season. But it's still huge to not have to worry about that at this point, you know, being one of those last two teams.

And they're putting a lot of space between themselves and those two teams. Goaltending's been a big part of this friggin' run they've been on. Terrific goaltending. And as we mentioned yesterday, there's a vibe in town now. Oh, yeah. Folks are coming uncorked over what this club might be able to accomplish with their current roster. Before... Before this win, but...

I'm sorry, Brad? I was going to say, it wouldn't surprise me if he goes out and tries to make another move before the trading deadline. Who you got on your mind, Brad Ryder? I have no idea. Oh. Just, again, the vibe. Like, if you're going to play this way, you're going to be buyers. You know, you're going to go out and get another piece.

There's this underlying discussion about Crosby out there that there... Uh-oh. Yeah, there's some underlying discussion. Here we go, Cubby. Really? I haven't heard that. Maybe Crosby is someone that, because he's near the end of his career. It's a good fit in some ways. The goaltenders still here in town.

They're good friends. Oh, right. There's some underlying social media discussion I've seen about Crosby. I wouldn't be surprised if he made it. He can't make another move like Quinn Hughes for a young superstar player because he'll be giving up, I think, too much at this point. But it wouldn't surprise me if they made another move or two either. Well, all guns blazing over there.

I mean, they're playing so well. I mean, Hughes played almost 30 minutes last night. He's so, I watched the game last, first time I've watched him play. Yeah. I mean, he's everywhere. And he plays, he in favor together. I think they had one mistake last night, one turnover that didn't cost the team. But, I mean, once they figure each other out and he figures out how everybody's playing,

they're just going to be that much better. He's just really good. Here's a text message from grilled cheese, Jesus. Have you hockey guys, he calls us? And that's a fair way to label Randy and Brad. Have you hockey guys started watching something called heated rivalry yet? No, I'm not familiar with the program. What is heated rivalry?

Can anyone tell me? No. No idea. Fair enough. Stay to hockey my ass. I couldn't even tell you who that huge guy was until about five days ago. Next up is a game in ridiculous Columbus, Ohio tomorrow night. We talked about this earlier.

Right when you get some momentum, you got to go to frigging Columbus. You know, But good teams will rise above the situation, right? Yeah, they will handle Columbus in a professional way. The one time I was in Columbus, I got cut off at an applebees. I'm in Columbus. You should let me drink as much as I want. I have to be in Columbus?

Come on. God. Yeah, they don't play about that. I've also been cut off at the same establishment. Yeah, because it's a family place. You're not supposed to drink too much, sir. It sucks. They have to go to Columbus and play.

the most nondescript club in all the professional sports, but you know, you can't make your own schedule. I think folks are really looking forward to seeing the two home games this weekend. One against Ed Mental, the other against Colorado. If they have a good showing against the avalanche especially, that's going to send the Pigs fans into a full-on tizzy. Yeah, for sure.

I'm going to that game Sunday. Remind them when to shoot. You don't know that this. And to quote Al Michaels, Brad Rider, you don't know the difference between a blue line and a close line. But that's irrelevant. That was Al Michaels, if you remember, that was his opening line before the Miracle on Ice Game. He said a lot of folks tuned in right now don't know the difference between a blue line and a close line, but that's irrelevant. I might need GPS to get from Egan to the X because I haven't been that long for you.

Bandwagon. Did anyone look up what heated rivalry is? It's a hockey-related show. That much I took away from the text message. H-FAC delivery, Jesus said, Heated rivalry is the story of two hockey. Then he leaves it. It just says two hockey that are in love.

Two hockey that are in love. So I'm guessing he means players. Basically, it's Brokeback Mountain on ice. Two hockey players that are in love. That sounds very interesting. Oh, yeah, this is. looks like hot stuff are here. Are there sex

sex scenes and everything? I'm not sure about that, but the front cover is them like going head to head in a face off, but it's very romantic. This I got to see. Heated rivalry? Well, if the Wild

were to be featured in that program, heated rivalries, what do they call it again? Heated rivalry? Yep. If the wild were to be featured, then, of course, we all would know what would happen. They'd get effed in the first round.

Here's a listener who says it's based on a book, and apparently it gets quite steamy. It's based on a book called Game Changers. I guess there's a whole series of the Game Changer novels of these two lovebirds. Well, you know, I mean, I can understand it. When Al and I, when Big Al and I played on the line together when we were young, we could have easily fallen in love. We were, we connected in every other way. You know what I mean?

Me and Pig Al? We knew where each other were at all times on the ice. Speaking of the Oilers, that's one of the pig's upcoming opponents, the Oilers, Leon Drysidal, that character. He hit the 1,000 career point mark in a game last night against Pittsburgh. I know that I kept the puck when I hit 1,000. points. I'm not sure what dry-sidal did about it. That's his career. That's not in the season, Ashley, a thousand points. Thank you for letting me know. Career points. Oh, there you go. More hockey stuff. The new Minnesota Hockey Hall of Fame complex will be built in Inver Grove Heights.

What? What the hell are they doing over there? Hockey hotbed. Anyone explain that to me? I don't mind that. What are you talking about? It's right near you, Josh. You're not going to go to the Minnesota Hockey Hall of Fame. Well, not as a player, but as somebody that just wants to appreciate it, I'll go. Will you be a paying customer?

Yeah. You know, it says here that Edina graduates get in for free for putting Minnesota hockey on the map. Oh, that's cool. And continuing to be the far superior town to all others when it comes to playing hockey. Right, everybody? Yeah. Wouldn't that be something? Wouldn't that piss off?

Oh gosh. Edina graduates get in for free for putting Minnesota, how did I say it a minute ago? We're putting hockey on the map. Hockey on the map here in the state of Minnesota. War Road may decide just to move into Canada and say, screw everybody else. Yeah, we wouldn't miss them.

The Minnesota Hockey Hall of Fame Complex, everybody. Inver Grove Heights, they're going to start building that pig. What does it say here? Construction starts this coming. summer. They hope to have it done in a I don't know, a couple of years. How long does it take to make a building and put... Trying to figure out

where in Invergrove Heights they would put that, because Invergrove Heights really doesn't have a downtown area. If I said some cross streets, would you understand the area, Bradra? It says you're 494 and Argenta Trail. Oh yeah. That's like... Okay. There's some stuff over there. Is that over by the

the... It's kind of by the Vikings complex a little bit. Not too far away. What's the... What's the joint down there with the naked women. Jerseys? No. No, jerseys is a legit. Or King of Diamond?

Is it going to be anywhere near KOD? No, it's not over that way. Shoot. That's further down for 94. Brad knows exactly where it is. Did you hear it? I knew as soon as that came, as soon as I came out of my mouth,

those words couldn't go back yet. Yeah, we heard you kind of die off towards the end of the sentence when you realize what just happened. He was a, he stopped himself short of giving up the GPS coordinates, you know, the latitude in launching. of it all. Here's a lady from

Evelyth who texted in. She's not happy about the Adina people getting free admission to the Minnesota Hockey Hall of Fame. Yeah, well, do something about it. Produce a hockey player as good as Adam Banks and then maybe you can talk. Adam Banks? Yeah.

Well, let me guess. Mighty Ducks? Correct. In the movie, was he in Adina? They called him cake eater. That's how that whole thing started. Or maybe just grow. got more popular. Sure was the round before Mighty Ducks, but it's kind of a... It definitely was.

Gaveh was a thing, yeah, far before Emilio Estabez tortured anyone with good taste by being in those movies. Yeah, cake eaters. All right, so there you go. We'll have a Minnesota

Hockey Hall of Fame. Norm Green's going to be there for the ribbon cutting. Oh, here it is. The tentative opening is spring. of 2028. Oh, that is so far away. I didn't know that. I would have left it alone. All right. Talk to you in three years. I mean, great. Yeah. Jeez. Great. We're going to have a Minnesota Hockey Hall fame, but I could have brought this up to you in two years.

You know what I mean? Right. Takes that long to make a building and put some toilets in there and hang some jerseys? I hate stuff like that. Like, I hate when there's like a new restaurant coming in, like, by my house. And they're like, yep, this is going to be great. This is going to be awesome. It's going to be here in a year and a half. Why are you going to be all excited? Don't even bring it up.

Well, it was pretty funny when we announced a Metallica concert that was two years away. That's the first time that ever happened. Yeah. Movies, movies, they do that too. They do that in the movie industry. Rambo, Part 6, 2031. Don't even bother me about it. It's never even in that time.

They've got to figure out which Edina athletes to leave out. I mean, that's going to take them two years. They all get in, right? They all get in. They all get in. When they have that Hockey Hall of Fame built, you'll find me hanging out in a dinah wing, looking at some real players.

Timberwow Grizzly tonight at 7 o'clock. Come on now. Timberwolves grizzly. Oh, the latest point guard trade rumor for the wolves involves Cleveland Cavaliers Guard, Darius Garland. he'd be okay. He has to stay healthy.

That's part of his issue right now. He's constantly hurt. Yeah, it says here he had surgery on his toe in the off season. He hasn't played much this season. No. If you've seen Darius Garland at his best, that kid is terrific. It would have taken Darius Garland about two years ago. That would have been the Darius Garland that the wolves could have used.

Josh, a listener's texted in to tell you. you that Space Balls 2 is coming out in 2027. That's what I'm talking about. I loved the first one. Frustrating. That's probably one of those movies that I've seen more than any other Spaceballs. Never saw it. I bet back in the day you would have liked it.

I'm not so sure about now. What was this name again? Mel Brooks. Yep. Big time hit or miss, wasn't he? Oh, definitely, yeah. Young Frankenstein, the entire movie I'm wetting my pants. But there's a couple other Mel Brooks movies I watch where I thought, okay, what, is this a joke?

Was this a... But anyway, Darius Garland. Hasn't played much this season, but a very talented player, very good player when healthy. I think I would rather have Kobe White than Darius Garland. Yeah, I would too. I think you can buy low on Darius Garland right now, though, probably, because he's not with an injury. Oh. Well, Kobe White's coming off at injury too, but I just think Kobe White, I think, is a better fit, I think.

Younger, better fit. Yeah, I just like the whole thing to be over at this point. You know what I'm saying? Well, let's be happy they're at least having the discussions. Yeah. That they're looking to make some sort of a move. I think it's pretty clear now that they've got to do something at the point guard position. So let's enjoy the fact that both of our

main winter sports teams in town are actually going out trying to make moves to win now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm down with that, Bradrider. Yeah. Down. Old ex-NBA point guard Jason Williams.

They called him mayonnaise or something. White John. They called them. Ooh, there's a big difference there. Mayonays. Major difference there. Jason Williams. He made a bold NBA trade prediction.

He's upped and said that he thinks Giannis Uncuncopo and my favorite point guard, John Morant, will both end up getting traded to the Miami heats. He says the boss in Miami, Pat Riley, will make it happen. I don't know if he's referring to this season or in the offseason, and I can't say that I really care. I'm not sure Miami has the assets. to pull off a trade like that.

But, I mean, it makes sense for those guys. Yeah. Jason Williams wasn't the side story on him always that he went to high school with Ahmad Rashad or something. Randy Moss. That's right. Randy Moss, yeah. Yeah, he was the quarterback and Moss was the receiver.

I suppose Ahmad will be a little older. Yeah. So Jason Williams is 50 now, and there's videos online of him showing up at, you know, like the local gym to play pickup games with young, kids and they kind of look at him like, okay, grandpa, because they don't know who he is. And he just hustles their asses. He still got it a little bit. Miami would be one of those preferred destinations for a superstar type of a guy to go to.

If he's got a trade clause, he would waive it to go there, I would think. Friggin' Miami, huh? I don't think Janus fits the Miami mold, though, as far as lifestyle. Oh, I heard he wants to go to a hot, hip, warm weather city. He said that? That's what I read. That he wants to be in a big shot, high roller, hot weather type of a scene. And that's Miami.

You guys been living in Milwaukee. Miami or L.A. are the only ones that fit that, basically. Just took a peek at the standing. Miami's in ninth in the east, but they're only a game and a half out of the third spot. So they may be looking at it as, you know, we get this guy and we're up elevated into the discussion a little bit here. Giannis wants to get himself some of that new stuff. The New York Knickerbockers won the NBA Cup thing. Yay.

They beat the San Antonio Spurs. I can't remember. Do they hang a banner for that? I know we've only had like one of these. We would. Oh, yeah. We definitely would. We'd have got nothing up there.

We would. I don't know if banners are hung for the NBA Cup. Charles Barkley called the whole NBA Cup gimmick embarrassing. Number one, I think the cup thing is somewhat embarrassing. I'm disappointed that we have to mix in-season tournament to make these guys more money so they won't do load management. I'd never begrudged them because I made, I don't know, I didn't make it what they're making, but I made a great living.

but to have to pay these guys extra money and make them play other games, they should play basketball because they're well compensated to play basketball. I don't disagree. Oh, everyone would agree with that. Charles is the best. So I looked it up.

It's up to the team if they want to hang a banner. And so far, the Lakers and the Bucks are the only two teams that won it and they both have hung banners. They have. There you go. The Lakers hung up. That surprises me that the Lakers would have. They initially hesitated, but they said the NBA

encourages this because, you know, they want to make this the big deal. Right. Okay. They, quote, encourage you. Yeah. The biggest discussion out of Vegas, though, yesterday was Adam Silver talking about league expansion. And it sounds like they're going to make a decision sometime next year about whether

they are going to expand. And Vegas and Seattle continue to be the two top choices. Well, then that would show the wolf. out east. Yep. That would shove the wolves out east, which would be, I think, preferable. Please, please. Can we have Brad Rider just got done blowing our winter sports teams here in town?

Please, before I die, can they be moved into the Eastern Conference? Yep. Both of them, the pigs and the wolves. I'm so friggin' sick of nine. Or at least in a central division where they play central time zones most of the time. I'm so tired of 9.30 games. games in Anaheim and 945 games in Seattle and all that crap. Sucks.

Wrapping up our conversation on basketball. Did everyone see the video of this gal in the Philippines who nearly killed herself dead? Yeah. Oh my gosh. I did not. Josh sent me this video to post on 93X.com and it is up there. But I was not expecting like that kind of fall. I thought maybe she'd just, you know, like the ramble.

would drop, not the whole entire thing. A group of people are playing basketball at some garbage-looking outdoor park. A bunch of people gathered around. Some of them playing hoops. Some of them just hanging around. And this gal, God bless her. Great idea. She decided to climb the basketball.

What's this thing? The pole? The pole. The brace. There's a word. She decided to climb the basketball. hoop all the way up, climbed onto the rim, and then she's going to twerk for the boys. Oh, that thing comes down.

But that? Yeah. You're watching it? Yeah. But the whole works, the whole works slammed straight down. I mean, it splatted her onto the court. She's lucky. She's not dead.

It reminded me, Josh, of when someone plays dominoes and they slam, they slapped the domino down on the table. that was her coming off the top of that. The whole hoop gave way. Just timber. There were a lot of people surrounded the hoop. Were they encouraging her or were they trying to get her to come down? I couldn't really tell.

She's apparently... She's not a big girl. No. Oh, I think she smacked her head on the concrete. The hoop was garbage. Yeah. She's all right. Yeah, the hoop wasn't up to NBA standards.

Let's put it that way. Yeah, and she maybe weighs like 80 pounds? I saw a whack. Check out that video on our website. I saw a wacky, speaking of trades, I saw a wacky trade idea yesterday where the Vikings would trade away Justin Jefferson this offseason to a team called the Buffalo Bills. Wow.

And the theory is right, you know, Josh Allen, you know, oh, He's so special. He's so special and so wonderful. We need to get him a title. Right. You hear that line of thought. So the bills go all in and they trade for Justin Jefferson. So then Josh Allen finally has his superstar wide receiver.

And the Vikings would get two first round picks, seventh round pick, and a wide receiver named Keone Coleman. Keon Coleman. Keon Coleman. Okay. What do you think of all that? I love it. As a Bill's fan, you love. Shut up, Dana.

Their first round draft picks they get from Buffalo likely will be late first round picks, which doesn't really, you could always package them to move up higher. But, you know, I think we're going to hear these kind of discussions over the next during the offseason. Because I think the Vikings will entertain those conversations. Whether they pull it off or not, I don't know, but I think we'll hear conversations like this. And Justin has, and we'll continue to say all the right things, but he has to wonder if his agent behind the scenes is going to be like, hey, we're wasting this kid's prime. 100%. I want to know when the draft picks are, too. Are they five years from now? Oh, I had it in here, Brad, and I threw it away.

I think it was in the next two years. Well, that's a little bit more appealing. Here's the discussion about the draft that I was reading about a couple of days ago, that the 2027 draft is like the biggest draft in a long time for top college players in skill positions. So, I mean, if the Vikings were looking ahead, it's not the coming draft. to be 27. Well, we better, we... It's not surprising they would entertain discussions. It's not we.

It's the Vikings. The Vikings better hurry up and make that trade for Joe Burra. Right? Because he and Justin are friends, right? Better hurry up, make that Joe Burra trade. I'll repeat what I said a few weeks ago, too. I'm not sure that I want the person doing the drafting now to be doing the drafting. Yep.

Yep. The track record is not very good. Brad's always trying to run people out of town. Jefferson doesn't want to stick around and play with a quarterback who's unproven and injury prone. Everywhere's you look, something Snoop Doggy Dog related is happening. Crack-a-lackin, some might say. Snoop Doggy Dog is going to put on a halftime show for the Lions Vikings game on Christmas Day. They're calling it Snoop's holiday halftime party.

That is incredibly original. They've workshoped that for a while. Josh, even a creative peckerhead like you couldn't come up with Snoop's holiday halftime party. Yeah, I mean, explain what that even is. Oh, it says here, there will be chart-topping tracks, plenty of holiday spirit and special guests. This is so fascinating. You know, 30 years ago, a Snoop Doggy Dog party probably would have ended in a gunfight with drug enforcement agents. And nowadays, he's galloping around the stage in corduroys.

singing I saw mama kissing Santa Claus. But I think that's great, really. It'll be fun. Gives your reason to watch the games on, because the Christmas schedule didn't turn out the way the NFL thought it would be. No kidding. Cowboys commanders, Lions, Vikings, and Broncos chiefs. Yeah, they're a little disappointed.

That should be proof right there that the NFL is not scripted because they would have worked it on a little bit better for Christmas Day if that were the case. You see, that's everybody else's problem. You people need to learn how to embrace bad. football like I have. I love bad football. If you watch it on Christmas Day, you will. What else is there to do? That's okay with

me. I like bad football. Doesn't have to be beautiful. But you know what I do like about Snoop Dog is that I like this crossover that's happened for him because he's grown up. We've seen plenty. Josh will tell you this. We've seen plenty of big time musicians who

get into their 50s and 60s and still try to pull off the I'm a rebellious 22-year-old gimmick, and it's damned embarrassing. So I like the fact that he's become who he has. I mean, take a look at Tommy Lee. It's the first thing that popped in my head. Yeah. Dude, let it go.

Put your penis away, man. Right. You are now in your, you are 60 years old, maybe. No one's afraid of you anymore. This isn't 1982. It's not the song. that strip, right? I like that Snoop has

Snoop doggie dog. I mean, some people would say he's a little over-exposed, and that's probably true. But you know what? That's what happens when everybody likes you. Yeah, that's true. Universally loved. And who would have thought?

Yeah. You know, like him and Ice Cube? Mm-hmm. Like these family... Ice Cube making family comedy about road trips. Are we there yet? College football dorks everywhere

are excited to see if the University of Indiana can get it done. Yep. All right. They finished the season number one in the country. They beat Ohio State in the Big Ten title game. Their quarterback won the Heisman trophy. What's his name again, Mendoza? Yep.

Yep. It's not Mark the animal, Mendoza. Is it, Josh? I don't think so. Different guy. That's the base player for Twisted Sister. No, but you got the name right. Talented guy.

Mendoza. Indiana's never had this kind of vibe happening with their, Ever. Ever. Ever. Let's speak more about this Mendoza character. Well, first off, do you think that they can go ahead? Yes. You do. Yes, I do. Win the whole smear. I think if they play Texas Tech, if they play Texas Tech in the semifinals,

I've watched Texas Tech a couple of times this year, they're, I mean, I've known they're the fourth-ranked team in the country, so they're really not underrated. But if you haven't seen them, they have a really, really good defense. That would be a really good game. All right, fair enough. I'm going to predict Texas Tech beats them. Texas Tech will defeat Indiana.

You heard it here first. Brad Ryder. There have been 17 players who won the Heisman Trophy and a national championship. So that's what this Mendoza kid's trying to do. 17 players who have won the Heisman Trophy and a national championship. You want to go ahead and make any guesses there, Brad Ryder? Ready Shaper? Oh, gosh.

Tebow? No. Gino Toretta. No. Reggie Bush. No. Christian Ponder. Nope.

Chris. He did in the Super Bowl, though, so. Hey, as you all know, he's got bigger things going on. It's got to be a USC player. So like Marcus Allen or Charles Charles Woodson. There is a USC player in here. All right, I'll read it to you. Yeah, there's got to be.

Danny Werfel. Oh, nice. Yeah, Florida. All right. Pat Hayden. Pat Hayden, no. These are the 17 players who won a Heisman International Championship. According to this website, they may have effed something up.

Devante Smith, Alabama. Oh, sure. Yeah. Then Derek Henry's got to be in there, too. Derek Henry, Alabama, 20 and 15. Yeah. The Viking starting. Oh, I just thought of another one.

Alabama. Mark Ingram. Mark Ingram. Yep. Alabama, 2009. The Viking starting quarterback for next season, Joe Burra. Oh, LSU. Won the Heisman in 20 and 19, playing for Louisiana State, and then they won the national championship.

Ooh, I love these next two guys. Florida State, 20 and 13. James Smith. Oh, God. James F me run and so. And widely regarded. as one of the most dominant college ball players ever. Cam Newton.

Ever, yes. Take off your hats. Stop it. That's adorable. Cam Newton. Auburn, 20, and 10. These hats are cool. They are pretty cool. Seriously? Yeah, I like them. I love that bit. It never gets old to me.

From the University of Southern California, from the year 2000-ought-4, Matt Leinert. Oh, quarterback, yeah. won the Heisman and the dam. I wonder if he ever got laid in college. Probably not, no. I only know two guys who didn't. That's the beauty of college, isn't it, Dana?

Everybody gets laid. I only know one, and it's because he was dumb enough to have a long-term girlfriend during college. Ashley, my two buddies wish they had that answer. They wish they had that answer. 1997 went to the sleazyest school of them all. Charles Woodson.

Oh, sure, Michigan. University of Michigan. Here comes Danny Whirfel, 1996. Danny F-N-W-F-N-W-F-L. Worfell, Josh. W-U-U-U-R-F-E-L. Worfell.

I like it. Charlie Ward Oh, Florida State. 193. Wasn't he also a baseball player or something? Basketball. Wait a minute. Basketball player.

Basketball. Basketball. He played in the NBA. Right? That's right. You're right. He played for the... He did for a while with the neck.

Yeah. Yeah. Tony Dorset. Oh, Pittsburgh. In 1977. Do I have the right guy? The Dorset damn near came to the University of Minnesota story. Do I have the right guy?

I don't know if someone can look this up. This is the story I heard. I'm almost certain it was Tony Dorset. So for whatever reason, even though I believe Tony Dorset came from Pennsylvania, he chose to go to the University of Minnesota before he settled on Pittsburgh. And the story I heard, and if I've got the wrong guy, that's the only information that I'm passing on to you incorrectly. this is the story I heard.

Tony Dorset decided he wanted to come to the University of Minnesota. But when he called here, looking to speak to our athletic director or head football coach or whoever it was at the time, it had snowed so much here in the Twin Cities on that day that the telephone lines were down. And he called and he called and he called and he called. And the operator kept saying, sorry, the lines are down. And then he finally said, you know what? I got to get this over with

and he called Pittsburgh and said, yeah, I'll go play there. That's the story I heard. Rust is history. There's a similar story about John Wooden. Really? John Wooden? Yeah, there is. Almost took the head basketball coaching job

at the University of Minnesota before he took the job at UCLA. Yeah, texters are saying it was John Wooden. Okay, so there you go. Okay, let's go with John Wooden. I wasn't sure what guy. The John Wooden story, I thought he couldn't get here because the flight got canceled. Okay.

Maybe there's two different stories. Maybe there's two different stories. Tony Dorset, by the way, the first professional sports game I ever watched was when I started at CARE on January 3rd. I'll never forget. It was a Monday night game. The Cowboys and Dorset goes 99 yards against the Vikings.

Yep. On that Monday night game. I remember watching that game like it was yesterday. Yep. The last Viking to have a shot at Dorset when he went 99 yards, the last Viking that had a shot to tackle him, anybody know? So I'm going to tell you, Willie Teal. Oh, yeah.

Willie Teal just ended up kind of chasing him down the sideline. Number 37, Louis-Tiel. That's right. By the way, there's a golfer on your list. It just popped into my head. Well, yeah, there are some more guys from the 40s, most of them you've never heard of. that won a national championship and a Heisman.

Go ahead, yes. In 1941, Bruce Smith from the University of Minnesota. Yeah. Ah, so there you go. Yeah, I heard the John Wooden story, too. But, you know, these are tall tales from yesteryear. Can't promise you that they were all true. Well, Sid told that story, so it had to be true, right, Randy?

Every story Sid told was true. Oh, man. I'll tell you what. Is it Friday yet? Not yet. Nope, got a little ways till Friday. I was just hoping it was 9 o'clock. Little ways till 9, too.

Oh, so it's not 9 o'clock? No, you guys are in trouble. It's a helpless feeling. It's okay. Is it though, actually? No. I love Ultimate F-off week, but... It's 9 o'clock in Columbus.

Oh, God, I'd rather have it be 8 o'clock here than to be in Columbus to have it be 9 o'clock. One positive, I guess. It's 9 o'clock in Columbus. Brad's the Spin Master. Yeah. He's going to come up with positives. That PR move, you can't take the PR out of the guy. No way.

I got one more thing for you. But yeah, this is... Oh, the other day, Dana gave me his Bionho Park Twins jersey. Oh, that was nice. Yeah, we were talking about the bunger a week ago or so, and Dana said, you know, I got that peckerhead's jersey, Bionho Park. I got a lot of laughs out of it,

and I'm happy to pass it along to continue to get laughs. I think I'm going to wear it to the Legion here in a couple of nights just to confuse people. I paid $7.50 for it. That's a good deal. You don't happen to have it. You're overpaid. What I regret is they had a whole rack of them.

I wish I would have got a lot more of them. Could you imagine the look on people's faces if all of a sudden, 10 guys are walking in Target Field all wearing Bungho Park jerseys in 2025? That'd be hilarious. You don't happen to have a Joey Gallo jersey, do you? No. He had such a brilliant career here. I've got a Brett Boone jersey.

You want that one? Oh, wow. Brett. Brett Boone? Didn't he play here for like a month and a half? Yeah, he played it for like two weeks. Yeah, I've got one of his jersey. You should auction that off.

I'd forgotten all about that. I'd forgotten all about that. What was I just, I had something and I lost it? Bungho. Bunger, Joey Gallo. Oh, oh, oh, we were talking about old jerseys. One of my greatest regrets is I gave away my Lou Ford twins jersey. Oh, that guy was a character.

It was stolen. It wasn't stolen for me. It was hot merchandise. So maybe it's better off getting that off my hands. We've told this story. Oh, go ahead. You go ahead. You're probably telling the same story I am. Well, no. But I'm looking forward to hearing yours. Where I was going with this is, Joey Gallo, all-time great power hitter twins' first baseman.

He's being tried out by, well, Well, I guess it's a pitcher. Yes, he's being looked into by a few clubs as a pitcher. And I think that is frigging fascinating. I just said a month ago or so when the World Series was happening a couple months ago, I said, don't be surprised if some of these position players, since the success of Shohai Otani, don't be surprised if some of these position players

who look like they're maybe not big league quality anymore, don't be surprised for GMs to say, well, hey, dude, can you pitch? It's guys like Rick and Keel. who played for the Cardinals, who was an outfielder and a light-hitting outfielder, and he turned his career around short-term anyway and became a pitcher. I would love to see Joey Gallo have a second career as a closer or something. They say a year or two ago he was throwing 99.7. Dude.

Yeah. Well, that was a year or two ago, but I found that to be interesting. I wish him the best of luck. I think that'd be great. What was your story, Brad? Well, I think we've talked about this. the air before where the famous Lou Ford's got a ton of

just dorky stories and that's when I was with the twins but the best one is when he showed up one day and needed treatment because he burned himself because he ironed him he ironed a shirt with his shirt on right that's legendary yeah that's just being a fishing brand it's adorable it's a typical

dude move oh 100% that's an awesome story it's an all-timer and it's absolutely true Yeah, a few of our listeners have a Tiyoshi Nishi Nishioca jersey. Oh, that's another good one. Oh, yeah. He had a bidet installed at Target Field.

He did. Yeah, he requested it. Remember Glenn Perkins saying that he'd always use the Nishioka toilet for that reason? Yeah. God dang. Nishioca. Buf Bonser are some other jerseys. Booth Bondser didn't need to wear a jersey because he had Bonser.

tattooed on his back where the nameplate would be. Is that true? Yeah. That's funny. Some of the obscure jerseys that our listeners own.

I love seeing the obscure jerseys at the ballpark. I was going to kick out of that. Booth, Bonzer, Gary Sanchez. Here's an old pigs player with a beautiful name. But he didn't stick around long. Guillaume La Tandress.

Oh, that is beautiful. Oh, yeah. Latandress. He didn't do dick. But that's how it plays itself out once in a while, Randy Schaber Bradbred. All right, tomorrow's Friday. Nope. Nope. Tomorrow's Thursday.

Stop, don't do that. We'll talk to you, jaggoffs tomorrow. See you. See you later. More on the program. More on the pro. Hey, I'm the moron on the program. More coming up next on the program.

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The 93X half-assed morning show. heads up their ass. On 93x. We're trying our damnedest. We are. We're back for more, as Rat said back in 1984. What album out of the cellar? Track 2, side 2.

We're back more for more. That's how I should have said that. On the 93X Saffast Morning Show. We appreciate you being there for us. We do. I see someone just texted us. Coincidentally, someone just texted us about Rat. Did you see that, Josh?

No. Oh, yeah. They want to know. I love Rat. We listen to Rat. Quite often around here. They say they're putting together a playlist. Does Rat have any power ballads?

Only one that I can think of called Giving Yourself Away. Yeah, I like that one. I think that's off the Reach for the Sky record. That's a very good one. And I'm going to go ahead and say 89 reach for the sky. Here we are about to put a lid on another nightmare calendar year. 20 and 25 will soon turn. over into 20, then 26.

Here's what we were into this year. Here's what was hip in 20 and 25. I'll say it out loud, and the rest of you, as our listeners included, express your excitement and enthusiasm over it, or take a massive dump. All right, let's go. All over it. These are the things that were by damn hot, almost hot to the touch, Josh. They were so hip and so trendy in the year of 20 and 25.

We start with cold plunges. Well, yeah, that's for a big deal. I tried one. I was not a fan. Are we talking like the ones you do at like a gym or something like that or like polar plunges? No, the one's in the best. Yeah, not the polar plunge to raise money for this. we're talking about.

I've recently been hearing about cold plunging from someone I went to school with. Sounds absolutely miserable. You would have to put a great number of weapons to my back in order to get me to voluntarily step into a big tub filled with ice. I saw a video. And ice water. Worst thing, one of the worst things I can imagine. I saw a video of Stone Cold Steve Austin try one, and he lasts about 15 seconds. If the rattlesnake can't handle it, I can't handle it.

Cold plunges, Josh. You live with a woman, correct? I do, yeah. It's my wife, specifically. She's into, here we go, 651, 989, 933, 93. She's into fitness and all that. She's always pressing weights and running and jumping, right? Running and jumps a lot

Right? Yeah, yeah. Is she a cold plunger? No, she's not. She despises the cold. She would never cold plunge. Well, she's doing it right. All right, forgive me.

Some of these hip trends and whatnot from 20 and 25. I've never actually had to say them out loud. So I'm doing all I can here. Macha. Macha? Oh, I love. Is that like tea or something like that? Yeah. Yep, it's like the green.

It's like green powder. Oh, my gosh, I had a serious addiction to that. People are texting in about cold munching. Oh, no. Well, I mean, I guess by definition, if you look it up, which you should not, it'd be cold. Okay. one more time with how do you say it? Macha.

Macha. It's a tea. Yeah, yeah, it's like a little powder that you, you know, put in milk or do you drink it hot, cold. Delicious. Yeah, they have like a bunch of different, like, food if that is matcha flavored. Did that replace boba tea as like the hot, trendy tea? Yeah, I guess you could say that, yeah. Good and good for you.

Yes. Yeah, I had a serious problem with it, but I needed, it doesn't have as much caffeine as regular coffee does. So I had to I had to stop drinking it and switch to the hard stuff. You had a love affair with matcha, but it wasn't caffeinated enough for you? Anyone else here?

Tea drinkers? No. Only if like when sick. I've had tea. Yeah. Oversized everything is mentioned here in the trends, the hip things that we got involved in. Yeah, oversized clothing,

especially for women, is making quite the comeback. Oh, really? Yeah, like baggy jeans. Some people call them mom jeans. Barrel sweatpants. So instead of them being like tight joggers, they're loose all the way down. I've seen those a lot. I had to ask my wife if some woman was crazy out of style or really like hip on the tip of what's in style right now.

And she said this is kind of what women are wearing now. Yeah, very hot. Like almost bell bottomish kind of at the bottom. Yep, super cute, super comfortable. Women are going more towards comfortable clothing. I know what you're saying. saying now, me and my wife went out for something or another to eat last night, and she was wearing some very hip-looking jeans with big wide legs at the bottom.

Oh, yeah, I saw that at the bingo event. I think she was wearing jeans like that. I didn't mind back in the day wearing the big old, how do you say it, cargo pants. I didn't go full-on, what's the style you had, at least briefly, Josh? Fat pants, I wore them once. The fat pants. Like I've said before, when Josh and I first met, fell in love and began working together, Josh dressed like the limp biscuit logo.

Yeah. Which is so hard to picture, Josh, knowing you now. It was very short-lived. Big old jeans all bunched up at the bottom. Big, oh, they were big. I didn't mind. That was a very comfortable style. Yeah, I like the baggy stuff.

And I still like cargo jeans, cargo pants, whatever you call them. You got so many pockets. Specifically the jeans, because you can get them like a khaki style. I still like the comfort and the look of cargo jeans. But wherever I go to shop for them, the colors are all so terrible. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes. It's either just the deep, deep blue like your grandpa used to wear

or almost like a Carolina tar heel light blue. Yeah, you can't do that. There needs to be cargo pant makers, cargo gene makers. Do something. Mix up the coloring a little bit, and I'm probably not the only one. I'll go back to buying those damn things. Oh, I love cargo pants.

Yeah. And I'm sick of people making fun of cargo pants and cargo shorts. I've never had cargo pants. I've had the shorts. Yeah. And I didn't realize that they were out of style. Something about a guy that's in like a khaki color. Cargo shorts. That's kind of funny. I don't know why.

Cacky colored cargo shorts. I got ripped down. I had the camo once and I got ripped down for both. But I was wearing camo. But camo goes with everything you want to wear. Wiz Khalifa. That's a Wiz Khalifa quote? Yeah. What else? He's a poet of our generation.

Apparently we were into, in 20 and 25, high protein versions of everything. Oh my gosh, yeah. Yeah, you can see that. There's too much protein. I can't do all this protein. I get high protein versions of everything. Oh, I'd have to see this to fully understand. But earlier this morning, Ashley, you said one of your New Year's resolutions was to eat more protein.

Yeah, but like, you know, eggs and steak. I don't need like a bar that has like 300 grams of protein in it. It just changes the flavor. It just tastes gross. Okay. This is all new to me. So tell me, Josh, what do you eat? What do you buy?

what products are pumping up the protein? Well, protein shakes. Shakes, okay. Protein bars. Protein cinnamon roll. Yep, protein cinnamon. I had tried protein macaroni a few times. That's not so good.

A lot of protein in there and it kind of tastes like garbage. It's kind of a hot dog up there. That'll get you the protein you need. I throw that in there as well. Why is everyone obsessed with extra protein? Can you tell me that? Because people are learning that it's incredibly good for you. Oh, we didn't know that a number of years ago?

I guess no. Okay. Renewed focus. Protein everything. High protein everything. I mean, a lot of meat. I probably eat too much meat. Go ahead and send your text in if you want.

You eat too much carcass? Yeah, I have a very much. Like, I probably could throw more vegetables in there. You got to level it out, Josh. My friggin' doctor is always on my case about vegetables. You don't have to listen to that crap. Going on Hot Girl Walks. was hip in any...

That's old. Is that old? Yeah. That was a few years ago, the hot girl walks. I'm not sure where that is. I've noticed it a lot. What is a hot girl walk? Social media.

It's just, I don't know. You like... Just girls going on walks. Sometimes you dress cute. It's like a form of self-care. So they call it like, hot girl walk. Going on my daily hot girl walk. My daughter used to jokingly send texts of her and her friends walking and say,

yeah, we're going on a hot girl walk. So it's more of an attitude than anything? Yeah, for them it was kind of. of a joke you have a little fun good for your mental health we're out showing off how hot we are walking having fun okay yeah okay help me out with this one from 20 and 25 very popular it just simply says here that one extremely slow sad song everyone used on TikTok yeah what song is that i know i can't i couldn't think of what it i of course i tried to look it up and i wasn't very descriptive.

You guys know the song? No, I'm not on TikTok, so I'm not sure. Josh, you know the song? Nope. Oh. I mean, I couldn't tell you what it is, but I've heard it. Yeah. That's what you're asking.

Yeah, I was asking. So you've heard it before. Is it linked up to sad videos or something? I get. I mean, I've only heard it from other people watching their phones. I'm not really looking at what they're doing, but I've noticed the same, same song. Being low maintenance was very hip in 20 and 25. Okay.

That's good. Sure. Cold foam. Cold foam, yes. That is delicious. You started dancing. Yeah, because I love cold foam on my iced coffees and on anything. Really, it's so good.

So it's kind of like a whipped cream in a way. I thought it was like an aerated milk of some. Do they put sugar and stuff in it? Yeah, so like I can make my old own cold foam at home. like a little bit of milk, touch of heavy whipping cream, some powdered sugar. So it's basically like, it's basically whipped cream just different, made differently. You go to the coffee shop, you say, give me my cup of coffee, add a little cold foam to that pig. Yeah.

And they throw it on top and it's kind of like whipped cream. Yeah, there's different flavors too. And perfect for this list. There's also protein cold foam now at Starbucks. Are you kidding me? Get right out of town. F me. F me.

We will wrap this up. We will. These are the things that were just everywhere's in the year 20 and 25. Will it close out like the calendar year? Will these things continue to be popular? We'll all just have to hold our breath to find out. We are about ready to moonwalk out of this. what should I call it today Josh?

Moonwalk our way out of this. Fire hazard? Fire hazard. We got to get out of here. A fire could start. We've got to get going. We've been jaw jacking back and forth on everything that was hot in the year of 20, then 25. She's closing out soon.

I'm sure you're aware. 20 and 26 will be here damn soon. All the hippish trends, the coolest lifestyle, this and that. That's what we've been discussing. Now, something we covered was apparently in the year of 25. Everybody was into extra protein. Josh, did you notice that some of our listeners texted in to offer us their protein? I did.

Quite a bit. And I saw a lot of people attacked my mom saying, ah, yes, the mother's son calling me, as if she was the one who taught me to be into protein, you sick bastards. And I know what you mean by that. That's a kind gesture. We appreciate the offer. I'm good. I think I get enough protein. Maybe, I don't know, this is a decent idea. Maybe save us your protein and give it to us at a later date. Yeah. Yeah. You know, as we get older, our bones get more brittle. Our muscle mass disappears quicker. So sure, we'll freeze it. We'll keep it here somewhere.

There's a listener who says he's going to keep it in a sock. Oh, well, freeze it. We'll have some protein cubes in some of our drinks. Gross. How do you keep protein in a side? Anyway, let's get back to this list of the, thank you for helping me so far, because I'm unaware of most of this jibber, jabber. And again, feel free to express your enthusiasm

for these different things or take a deuce all over it. Ashley got very excited when we talked about cold foam on top of your coffee. She really likes to say, on to that. Oh, and she was hooked on macha, macha. She was hooked on macha. All right, wellness routines. I don't have a wellness routine. I think I have one, I guess. It's like what I do

before bed. I don't know if that counts. What do you do? I wash my face. I put on all my different face products. I brush my teeth and floss my teeth and put in my hair products. I'm sorry to interrupt. but people are now offering us face products. Cheapers, that was fast. I'll take them.

They're expensive. They want to deliver for us a product for our face. Wow, that's a lot that you do. Take my vitamins. You do have a big one. I take vitamins before I go to bed. Good job. Yeah.

I have a whelpness routine where several times a day I think back to something go, well, that sucked. I screwed that one up. A wellness routine. I don't know. I'll get around to it someday. Minimalist home decor. Hey, I'm there.

Yeah. I'm not a fan of that. Not to be trendy, but I mean, I don't really like clutter too much. You've kind of always been there, though, haven't you? Yeah, it's how I've always been. You started the trend. Yeah, I think you trendsetter. Yeah, yeah.

I get made fun for that. So minimalist home decor, meaning you don't hang any pictures on the wall? We have one that has, like, all the significant family dates on there. Oh, I do. call it that that was the only thing on your walls that's all we got we got nothing on shelves nothing on anything i love having so i have so much stuff my house it looks very lived in my son has stuff in his room he's got he's that's the only room that's really decorated he's got his uh brook shields poster and whatnot minimalist home decor all right fair enough gallery uh gallery art walls are really popular right now

So it's kind of like the opposite of that where people will take a wall and like really clutter picture frames all over it. So it looks like a gallery art wall. With no, just the frames? No, no, there's like pictures in it. But it's not always like pictures of their family. It'll be like different artwork. And sometimes it won't really match, but it still looks good somehow. I'm more of a gallery magazine guy, if anyone.

Anyway, pickle-flavored things. Yeah, it's hot. Oh, pickle pizza. Everybody loves that. We've got some pickle pizzas at home. It really is great, though. That was such a good idea. I didn't really like it.

The stuff we got is the world's cheapest. So maybe if you get like a name brand. A pipe and hot one from a restaurant. You guys are, you're all very hip. Pickle-flavored food is popular. Okay. Oh, pickle flavored or dough pickle cashews. Those are awesome.

Oh, I'd mess with those. Yeah. Almond. I'll need the most help with this one. This was very popular. Something called soft launching a relationship. Oh, yeah. So, like, you would say you've been single for a while and next thing,

and, you know, you post a picture on your story of, like, just a guy's hand on your leg. So you don't post, like, his whole face or, like, his identity. So trying to create drama? Create intrigue. Where people are like, oh, who is she dating? Oh, it's social media related. Correct. As far as what you're sharing on your social media pages.

Yeah, you don't just immediately post a photo. This is my new boyfriend. We've been together for a month now. That's a hard line. You want people to ask what's going on. Who is that? Weird. We're so self-centered now.

It's just sickening. It's sickening. Back in our day, we just point to the other person and say, Yeah, I'm effing that person. That's my bitch. We are doing it. You just shock the crowd by showing up at a wedding reception with a complete stranger. Being unreachianable, so hot right now.

According to what I'm reading. I'm assuming that means you turn off your cell phone, you don't answer your emails. Do not disturb, yeah. I have a friend who's doing that right now, and it has gotten everybody very concerned. Nobody knows where he is. He just dropped off the grid. And he's the type of person that never goes a half hour without updating his Instagram story. He better make sure he's alive.

Yeah, I do a wellness check there. I have a buddy who he goes dark. I'd say once every year and a half. He'll disappear for like two, three months. Oh, wow. What's going on? I love that. And then he comes back out as if nothing had happened.

Hey, you want to get beers on Tuesday? Those of us that have known him forever, no, no, this is just kind of what he does. He's such an extrovert. I think at times he just needs to recharge. Sure. So he crawls into a hole for a little bit and comes back out. I get that. That's encouraging to me to read that people are putting down their cell phones

and going back to the way the world used to be where you answered the phone if you wanted to. I'll tell you what, though, if you don't get back to somebody immediately nowadays, they get pretty upset with you. What the hell, man? I texted you like five minutes ago. Why didn't you get back to me? Oh, and they'll check your social media.

In my case, Josh, they'll check my social media. He's like, oh, so you had time to tweet, but you didn't have time to text him back, huh? Yeah, I thought that tweet was more important than you. That's something. I'm sorry, I lied. I thought that soft launching a relationship would have me the most confused. Until I got to this next trend, cottage core? Yeah, so that's like a vibe.

So it's like a certain type of clothing, kind of like... Like old lady? It's like old lady meets hipster type of art. It's a wardrobe choice. It's a wardrobe style. Yeah, or the way that you decorate your house. Oh. Yeah, like old classic.

Yeah. A little house on the prairie type stuff. Yeah, perfect. You look like all the characters from that terrible movie. What was that movie where they're in Sweden and everyone dies in a fire? The sound of music? Huh? The sound of music?

No, it's more modern than that. They're all Swedish. and everyone dies and a lot of naked women. Definitely not the sound of music. An old couple jumps off a cliff. I have no idea. Help me out. 651, 989, 93.

Here are my hints. Big stubborn Swedes. Everyone dies in a fire. Naked women and old couple commit suicide off the side of a cliff. I'm very intrigued now. That's the wardrobe I'm picturing when you say cottage core.

I'm waiting for my text messages. The final trend from the year 20 and 25. Pilates personalities? Oh, yeah, Pilates. Everybody loves that. What do you mean Pilates' personality? They kind of, they just make it like their whole personality. Yeah, like, look at me.

I'm a fragile little Pilates girl. Mid-summer. The movie is mid-summer. I heard that's terrible. It's horrible. It's one of the worst movies ever created. It's so frigging stupid. I still hate myself for sitting through it.

But it's very violent. A lot of naked women. I say? Everyone dies in a fire and an old couple commits suicide off the side of a cliff. Now I don't have to watch it. When you make Pilates your personality. Yep. Oh, we were just off air, Josh and I were talking about that exact type of thing. We were talking about that exact type of thing. Yeah.

Where a certain vehicle purchase back in the day became some people we used to work with. They had no identity. They had no personality. Then they went and bought a motorcycle. And suddenly that was all they wanted to talk about 24 hours a day. They made their motorcycle their identity. And they were the only people that rode. Did you know that? Oh, yeah, yeah.

The rest of us, we wouldn't even understand it. We wouldn't even understand their lifestyle. Yeah. You're on something there, Ashley, where it wasn't a motorcycle. It was a specific brand of motorcycle. Otherwise, it's not worth having. You know, there's some people saying wonderful, loving, things about their fathers today, a feeling I most likely will never know.

We'll start with HAST to poop in Fleet Farm Jesus, who messaged into the Luther Bloomington Kia text line with a happy 56 birthday wish to his kick-ass dad. New Metal Jesus text in for his dad, calling him the best dad in the world. Happy birthday to the best dad in the world. And happy birthday to Stephen from Rice County Bushlight Jesus. The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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