93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Feet Juice

Episode Date: August 6, 2026

Originally Aired August 6, 2026: 40 year old drawers. Who's hungry for genitals? Everything you've ever wanted to know about the most dangerous animal in Minnesota. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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It's Thursday. It's time to let go. No more effort this week? Well, it's just time to let go a little bit. You know, you run hot. I do? Yeah, you do. You're referring to something other than body temperature, I'm assuming?

Yeah, you're wound too tight. I need you to try and relax a little more. And Thursdays are a perfect time to do it. Okay. Welcome to the show, everybody. Yeah, I mean, just trying to enforce that on you, if that's the correct word, enforce. Of course, tomorrow is, who cares? I'm saying that Thursday is a time to just kind of try to take a breath.

Take a breath. Loosin up a little bit. It's not going to be easy to do. We got this and that for you today. Why is that not your program to be just your? Well, I've got some legitimate concerns. I don't even know if you know what I'm dealing with. No, no.

I guess we haven't talked off air yet today. We were pretty quiet in here until the year. I started out hot when you came in talking to and then I had to tell myself, shut up, shut up. He's trying to do some stuff. Shut up. Stop talking. Yes, you did. I was trying to work over here, and you kept running your freaking yap.

When you get here, I get so excited to see you. I'm holding on to stuff. You're only human. So you've got something on your mind? Real quick, it reminds me of when I was a kid. You know, my dad, when he came home from work, we had a whole day of waiting for him to get home. And we just bombard him with stuff to the point where my mom said, your dad's going to murder you guys. If you don't just let him settle in for a couple of seconds.

Seriously. You got to let the old man. You know, have a minute. Dad, we did this stupid thing. Dad, we did this. But that's kind of what I did to you this morning. Yeah, you were coming in hot. Like I said, you were wound kind of tight right when I walked in the door. I shared this with Ashley, but you guys have had robot vacuums.

And we got one not too long ago. Oh, we got a robot vacuum problem. And as you guys know, you've been to my house, I have, I don't have a railing where your stair railing is supposed to be. I have two by fours. and it's been there so long that we're just kind of used to it at this point. It's rustic. It's chic. Yeah, uh-huh. That's in right now, dude. And I had no idea how expensive it is to get a railing, so we'll be sitting with two-by-fours for a while.

And this robot, so our second level, there's a little area that you can, basically, if you wanted to, you could jump off a ledge onto the first level. And our robot vacuum tried to do that. Luckily, there's a two-by-four close enough to the floor that it stopped. That I can show you this, Nick. I'm concerned about it's well-being. We've only had it for a couple weeks, and it already wants out. How bad is our house? Your robot vacuum.

Oh, I love that photo so much. I don't know if you can see that, Nick. That poor vacuum. It reminds me of when you and I tried to talk that goose off the ledge across our parking lot here at work, there was a goose that was just standing right at the edge, and it looked like he was done. Oh, that stresses me out. Which the goose or the vacuum? Both of them. Oh, gotcha.

Poor vacuum. You're telling us, you're telling us, you're just. Your robot vacuum almost fell from the upper level of your home to the lower level because of your lack of a railing. Yeah, we don't have a good enough railing. No spindles on that thing. He just got lodged up against that two by four. It was nearly the end of your robo vac. Yeah.

Ooh, we. I have a weird attachment to my robot vacuum. That's a close one. Like, I feel bad when it gets stuck. Did the two of you kind of experiment with each other a little bit? No, no. What? Yeah, if it, like, get stuck under the couch, I'm like, oh, no, poor little guy.

I don't know. It just, like, makes me sad. And then he beeps. He's, like, struggling. And then you, like, you, like, send them home. And it's, why when they, like, you know, go back home to their loading dock or whatever it is right there, they go so slow. Like, almost like they're sad. Like, oh, you don't want my help anymore?

Yeah, my wife named ours Bob. And so we get an, I'll get an alert on my phone that says, hey, Bob needs help. Oh, no. And so now I'm wondering, well, what kind of help does he need? because he's exhibiting some behaviors that are quite concerning. Yeah. He has an addiction to crack. He might be on drugs.

The roboc vacuum, yeah, I had one of those, like I told you, but I didn't feel any sympathy for it. It had a job to do, and often it failed, so I killed it. Oh, really? Did you so well? No, I wonder how ours makes the tracks in the carpet. Yeah. But other than that, I don't know if it really does anything.

I didn't really have any concerns over whether it would fall from the top level to the lower. I didn't have any feelings for it. Like you vote. Offended millennial Jesus has a theory. He said, did your robot vacuum walk in on his robot wife banging the robot neighbor? I don't know. He won't talk to me. He doesn't seem like he's all there these days, huh?

That's too bad. Well, hell. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles there, Cubby. But, but I mean, in the end, everything turned out fine. Yeah, he's doing okay now. Your robot vacuum did not fall to his death. I gave him the week off. He's hanging out at his port.

He's waiting for your next command. Yeah, he's charging. Up says he's 100%. Well, that is good. Ooh, I love a good guessing game. Do you mind if we continue on with a guessing game? Go for it. Where are Dana and Ashley?

Right here. Present. You two don't mind a good guessing game, do you? No. Josh can almost never play the guessing game because he's wound so damn tight. Why are you doing this to me? Well, here's the thing. I mean, you know all the material, even mine.

Before we even crack the mics, he knows what's coming. at every turn because he can't relax. I'm totally relaxed. Part of the drawback is that... Although I'm a little apprehensive about what's going on here with this. I'm just saying you can never play the guessing game because you know everything that goes on around here. I mean, part of the fun for me around here is that I usually have little idea what's going on. You know what I mean?

There's a lot of surprises for me on the show because I have no idea what's coming next. Josh always knows what's coming next. It's a compliment. You mean, you know every... Look at all these pieces of paper. in front of me. That's a lot of paper. You know everything that's on these pieces. How many do I have? You're 10, 12, 15? Hundreds.

I mean, between that other stack. This is garbage. But this right here, this is just what I've put together today. There's like probably 10 or 12 sheets of paper. You know what's on each and I don't you? I do, yes. So, Ashley and Dana,

they don't. So they are the ones you get to play the guessing game. I hope you don't feel left out. Not at all. I like kind of watching this playoff. two. The guessing game. What do I have here? Oh, and this will appeal to all the big barrel-chested, tank-assed, tough guy outdoorsy types that we have in our listening audience. This will appeal to that crowd. Here's the question. What is the most dangerous animal that we have living right here in the state of Minnesota? Take your time if you have to.

Think. The question again is, what is? And I think the folks who fired this information our way are a group of folks called the World Population Review. You ever partied with that crowd? No, I haven't. Okay, the world population. Never got one of their mixers or anything like that? You didn't go to their dating app.

The World Population Review. I'm guessing they're basing this, Josh. And I go, I'm going to check with Josh, because he knows everything that's going on around here at all times. I'm guessing they base this on fatalities. Yeah, that's part of it. Oh, scary. Okay.

So, now that you know a little bit more. It's the decreasing a population is kind of what they go with. Like, these animals decrease populations from fatalities. Ooh, they do. They kill. They do enough killing. Y'all want to talk about killing? What movie? Platoon, 1986.

They've killed enough these animals to where they've decreased the popular. The question, what's the most dangerous animal that we have living right here in the state of Minnesota? Okay, some texts are coming in. Before you answer, some texts are coming in. Okay, dude, you're wrong. This guy's wrong. This guy's wrong. Another guy is wrong.

I don't see a correct one yet. I don't see a correct answer. I'm surprised. My guess was wrong. I would have also guessed you incorrectly. I guess when I thought about it more, it makes sense. Is it Josh's mother? She's not an animal.

She's a human being. It's been a weird day already. Okay. Now it's time to answer. What's the most dangerous animal that we have living right here in the state of Minnesota? Go ahead. Whoever wants to go first, Dana or Ashley. Can it be, I forget how this works.

Can it be a bug? Does that count? No. My first thought was mosquitoes. That's what I guessed. That? we'll count bugs, we will

because there's a different state here in this report where the mosquito is listed as the top, what did I call it, most dangerous animal, so yes. Well, then wolves? Bugs, wolves. Yeah. Wulfs, maybe. Wolfs. Dana?

I guess mosquitoes. Do you want me to guess again? Yeah. What I was trying to. trying to say was yes we're counting bugs but that's not the correct answer so yeah we'll afford you we'll afford you a second guess I I got nothing let's just think of an animal that you wouldn't want to run into in the state of Minnesota bears I don't know there you go that's a good guess that's a fine guess what's the matter with you you're bears is a good guess oh yeah you seem you seem so defeated by the

I know the answer I read the thing too so I'm just trying to play along now Dana knows everything Ashley, you were not the only ones that don't know anything anymore. I'm fine with that. I'll show you a prep service. Ashley Wolfe is an interesting guest. Sorry, I just say that weird. Well, yeah. I always get nervous about that word.

Who's our professional basketball team? The wolves. I know, I say it weird every time, too. I mix it up. You're incorrect. What in the world? I like this. What could it be?

The answer is, it's a similar critter. The stinking coy. A coyote never would have guessed. Oh, because they kill dogs like crazy? I don't know. I'm just going by what the people at the World Population Review have told me. I wish I had more information for you. I just think of, I tried to think of, like, the most intimidating animal we have. Sure.

I guess maybe they're not around just killing everything. Wolves was a fine guess. Fine guess. I would have guessed bear. Josh, what would you have gone? I would have guessed mosquito just because I always hear that's the most dangerous in the world. But then I thought, well, I don't think we have like. like malaria or anything like that. So maybe that was just really guess.

Well, we have black bears mostly, right? Yeah, and they're pretty chill. Yeah, I know. Those are the ones you want to run. If you have to run into one, that's the one you want, right? Yeah, dude, actually, I was at the library yesterday, and this little kid, I don't know, I was talking about black bears and grizzly bears to my son, even though he has no idea what I'm talking about.

And I said, like, oh, see, like, this is a black bear. Those are the nice bears, and this is a grizzly bear. You don't want to run into that. And this, like, four-year-old kid was like, Why? Why are black bears nicer than brown bears? And I was just like, I actually don't have an answer for you. I have no idea why. Let's tell him the mind is busy.

I had no idea. Do your research, kid. I mean, I would have guessed bear just because they're probably, hello. Are we on the air? Yeah. We just went away, I think. Can you give us a thumbs up? I can hear you guys.

We're on the air. Everything we can't hear a thing. Are you serious? Can you hear me? Well, Dana, we won't be able to hear anything that you say. Suddenly, we can't hear anything in our headphones. But if you're still giving us a thumbs up that we're on air, then we'll keep going. I would have guessed bear just because it's physically larger than any other animal that I can think of that we have around here.

I would never have come up with coyote. I was thinking maybe tick or dog. I thought it may be like a trick, like your average dog kills more people. The answer is Coyote. If you want more information, because they don't have a lot of it here, check out the folks at the World Population Review. Fox News has a website on it, too. Who? Fox News. Coyote is the most dangerous animal in four states, Illinois, Minnesota, New Jersey, and Utah.

I don't picture Jersey having a ton of wildlife, but I guess I've never been there. I've never been there. I don't know how they operate over there. unfortunately here i'm sorry i if you're you know an ioegian i have no information um at least in front of me they they they didn't cover every state in our proud union they did not include the ioegian so if you're a filthy ioegian and you're wondering uh what's the most dangerous animal in our state i can't tell you i also oh i have it oh you do yeah yeah see what i mean about josh We can hear now.

Hold on that. See what I mean? Somehow you have the information on the eye. I googled it here on the world population review.com. Wasps. Wouldn't it guessed wasps? I've never heard of people murdered by a wasp. Oh, maybe the murder hornets.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about those. Aren't those like super huge? Dana, we can hear you again. He's on the telephone trying to figure out what just happened. We kind of lost power there for a second, but I guess we're good to go. Okay. What about, Josh, did you have anything in front of you on the folks, those unfortunate bastards who reside in South Dakota?

Would it be some kind of a snake? So I pulled up Wisconsin real quick. Oh, yeah. I have Wiscoe and I have North Dakota, but I do not have South Dakota. South Dakota, bison. Oh, they'll run you right over. Oh, yeah. We just saw that video.

They'll just walk right over you. Wasn't that, didn't we just see a video like a couple weeks ago of that guy getting launched? I think that was, wasn't that Colorado or? It doesn't matter. Okay, bison of the most dangerous animal instinct in South Dakota. Who were we missing? Wiscoe. Did you say North Dakota yet?

I don't recall. North Dakota is the prairie rattlesnake. Oh, yeah, I hadn't gotten there yet. The prairie rattlesnake in North Dakota. We did not cover Wisconsin. That would be the black bear. Oh, like I said, I thought they were pretty chill. Me too.

That surprises me. Again, unless they had, they didn't. don't have necessarily information on, you know, why, but maybe people hit them with their cars or motorcycles or something. So we got the coyote here. The Iowegians again was what? What was that? Iowegians was was wasps. The wasp. Somebody here says the most dangerous animal Wisconsin is a drunk woman at Barclose. Yeah, you could be rolling the dice. You're not wrong. North Dakota, the prairie rattlesnake. South Dakota, the bison. Other animals who made this list as the most dangerous in each state,

moose, Colorado, Maine, New Hampshire, and Vermont, a moose will kill you dead. Stomp a mud hole in your cubby and then walk it dry. White-tailed deer are number one in Pennsylvania, Arkansas, Ohio, and West Virginia. It's got a big car accidents. Yeah, I think a lot of these, that's exactly what it is. Sometimes they'll get on their high, their high, uh, their high, legs and just give you a good beating. That'd be kind of fun to watch.

I've watched it on video. I wish it was in person. But no, on video. I saw a white tail get on its high legs. That's like a very famous video. Remember the old guy who thought he was the deer? Yeah. And he's just getting his ass kick by the way.

This white tail deer is just drumming on his skull with its front hooves. And his wife's in the background going, I told you a stupid ass. I told you not to come near the sun bitch. That's one of my favorite videos of the internet. ever coughed up. I thought, well, how bad could it be? It's just a cute little deer. Holy cow deer can fight. They kick that guy's, or that deer kicked that guy's ass. He obviously had some training. There's a couple different, oh, absolutely. That deer may have trained with Ranty Couture or something for a while. There are a couple different kind of black bears who

make the list of the most dangerous animals. There's the American black bear. I didn't know there was a difference. The American black bear is most dangerous and Kentucky and Massachusetts, and then the, I guess, general regular black bear, like we said, is most dangerous in Wisconsin and also in Tennessee. The grizzly bear, number one in Idaho, Montana, Washington State. Then there's the North American black bear, number one in Oregon. We'll get to the bottom of this. We'll do a lot of studying and research when the show is over.

For now, I'm not too concerned about the differences between these black bears. Lots of snakes on the list. Oh, gosh, I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like snakes much either. I think they're really cool and when people have them as a pet I'll hold them like that's neat but I don't want to see a snake in the wild

Cottonmouth Yeah I think they're pretty cool Yeah One of the toughest guys I know I saw him run Faster than I think I've ever seen anybody run When there was a snake in my lawn Oh yeah

Oh like a little what is it? Gardner snake Those guys are quick A garter snake would have Guarder? I'm not sure I think it's good My mom always called them Gardner snakes But she says everything wrong

Yeah, that's kind of how you grew up. That's where you get it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she says like it's bad. She gets made fun of all the time. Okay. It's worse than me, which is hard to believe. Cottonmouth snake number one in Mississippi.

You got the copperhead, the eastern diamond back. The eastern Massasaga is a snake. That's dangerous in Michigan. The Mojave rattlesnake, pygmy rattle snake. What are we missing? Jesus, Paul. There's so many of those bastards. Timber rattlesnake, we could go on and on.

Dogs are number one. We're talking about the most dangerous animal in each state, although I don't think they cover all of them here in this article. No, they missed a few. Your average effing dog is number one in Alaska. So I'm going to take a staff. In Alaska? At all places, they got sketchy stuff.

I'm going to guess these are wild dogs. That's kind of badass. It is kind of badass, isn't it? I'm guessing these are wild damn dogs. Out of everything that's there that can kill, these dogs are the ones that are, that's, that's cool, good for them. Way to go. That is killer dogs. Revenge.

So neat. I'm sure there are plenty of domesticated dogs in Alaska, but my guess is there are herds. What do they call it in the business, Josh? Packs? It's not a herd. Pack. There are packs of wild dogs that. Rome, Alaska. And maybe the reason why dogs kill more people in Alaska than say massive grizzly

bears and whatever the hell, I mean, they've got a little bit of everything, I'm guessing, in Alaska, is because we people are probably dumb enough to approach the dogs, as opposed to most people aren't dumb enough to approach a grizzly bear. But there's probably a lot of people in Alaska that say, oh, I ain't afraid of these wild dogs. Yeah, I can change them. And they eat all the flesh off of his bone and and then poop him out. Mosquitoes were number one in New York, I guess, from what I understand,

mosquitoes are the only bug that made this list. You would think tick might be on there somewhere. Ticks. You ever get one right in the old perennium? No, but I had one in the suburbs real close to the crotch. Then I worried, like, oh, is this just a straggler

and the city's already full? So I did have to check back there. We've got a lot of texts coming in about animals now, people saying, you know, they would have thought that maybe a badger would be in there. They would thought that maybe a goat would be in there. Tick is on the list in Missouri. Because your tick, your tick is on the list, yeah. Missouri, I didn't know that. Okay, ticks kill more folks in Missouri. Florida, as you can guess, I'm sure.

It'd be, I'd be terrified. Gators of some sort? Yeah, gators of some sort of. To me, that'd be the scariest thought of everything. Oh, my gosh, absolutely. You're just casually, like, you know, strolling by a body of water and there's just a huge gator. I mean, like, how do you live like that? And they just roll you around and drown you and bite you?

They'll eat your dogs, man. I mean, if they don't care. If they don't kill you, they'll kill your dog for you. And they won't even feel bad about it. Nope. They, like, snatched that kid at Disney World a couple years ago. Remember that one? They'll eat kids.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness. They'll eat a kid. They'll eat a dog. We don't deal with this here in the States, but I didn't realize how dangerous hippos were. I just kind of thought of them as kind of big, dumb, pumping around animals. They're fast. Yeah, I did not realize that.

I had a friend once who she used to do mission trips in Africa. She was one of those wants to save the world types, which is obviously very commendable, but not me. She said, she goes, yeah, I actually survived a hippo attack. And I just pictured, like, kind of batted at the boat they were in a little bit. And I'm like, that's so cool. Like, why don't you tell that story all the time? That's amazing. She goes, multiple people died, Dana.

I go to therapy for it once a week. And I go, I did not know that they were so lethal. That might be one of, like, my favorite stories that you tell. Because, of course, you got yourself into that situation. I just thought like it was like a fun, whimsical story. Like, yeah, a hippo came by and kind of scared us a little bit because we're like, wow, it's so big. Yeah. I didn't realize that it chomps people up.

Yeah, they're crazy. Yeah, hungry hippos. You grew up playing the game. Right. Got the context clues were there. Delete the hell out of them. They'll turn over your fishing boat and drown you. Therapy, huh? She goes every week? I might know her.

I would want to know more, but then I'd feel bad for asking. But I would want to know the details. What happened? Maybe you get the therapist drunk? Listen, I know you're probably violating some rules, but I got to hear this story. Probably some hippo laws here, but hippo laws. Ooh. What? I didn't even mean that.

Nice. Ew, ticks. Yeah, I don't like him. She said for life Jesus had one on the tip. Oh, boy. Tip, tip, tip, tip. That's where he had it. Oh, my God.

It was a tip tick. He went to take a squeed, she said. And he looked down at his pecker. You know how you do, Josh, right? Yeah, for aim purposes. And there it was. I would pass away if I found one down in my nether regions. It's kind of cool you found it down there, to be honest.

My pal found one on his perimian. Reminds me that scene with the leach and stand by me. Oh, yeah, that freaked me out. Me too. He found one on his taint. He thought it was a third nut. He thought he had grown a third one. But it had swelled.

You know how they'd do? You following this, Ashley? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, no one had been down there for a few weeks. I'm going to be so on, like itchy or tickle. tickly for the rest of the morning. He was taking a shower and he was scrubbing the gear.

And he thought, oh, God, here I go. I'm dying of a tumor. What is that down there? It was a tick that had been there so long and it expanded. He's one of those donkeys that walks through the woods. Just with like a joint stick in one hand and a... Deat. I wish I could just bathe and deat.

Yeah, I just take those pills my dogs take. Oh, smart. Do you take the same treatment that the... You know, it took me a while to get used to it. My wife has to wrap it up in cheese. You know, she tricked me for a while. Peanut butter stopped working. Yeah.

I would just spit that out. I would eat the peanut butter. Yeah, that's the worst, dude. The most dangerous animals in America. Why don't they make anything? Like, you know, there's so much like a sciencey people, smart people out there. Why don't they make something that humans can just, like, ingests where ticks and bugs won't bother us anymore? They have.

What is it? It gave us such bad diarrhea. Oh, man. They canceled it. They were dishing it out in the 70s, Josh, but it gave so many people the Green Apple Quick Steps, but they canceled it. Does anyone have an irrational fear of any animal?

And I open this up now to the text machine, 651-989-93. We just got done discussing the most dangerous animals in each state. Here in Minnesota, if you're just coming to, according to the research, according to the numbers, the most dangerous animal we have here is that stinking coyote. Does anyone having a rational fear of any animal? 651-9-89-93-93?

Mine are certain bugs. People make fun of me. Like lady bugs? Sure. Box elder bugs? Does that? Right? You say that, yeah?

Your mother taught you that one correctly. Yep. And then like dragonflies and butterflies. But no, animals? Nothing that I can think of off the top of my head. You want to, you want to, you want to, send my sister to the emergency room, Josh, without using your body.

There's only one way. Yeah, without using all the heat that comes up. Yeah, it'd be pure love. It started. Show her a buffalo. Oh, really? Like, just looking at one? She'll run for her life, the sight of a buffalo. I love the look of a buffalo. Huh. And the taste.

When she was a little girl. Yeah. I think the story was when she was a little girl, my grandparents took her to some godforsaken middle of nowhere type of a thing. and there were buffaloes roaming around. And I guess my sister wasn't fully paying attention. She was just a little girl. And suddenly she turned and she was nose to nose with a buffalo.

The only thing separating them was an electric fence. So they're at some kind of wildlife joint. And my sister's tiny little kid. She turns and she's nose to nose with a buffalo. And it scared her so deeply that still to the, this day, she's horrified of them. Geez, I hope she never goes to the casino. Goes to the casino.

Yeah. That Buffalo slot machine you're talking about actually. That's all you hear the whole time you're there is the machine just going, Buffalo. Which casino? All of them. Oh, really? It's the most popular slot machine. Yeah, I didn't know that.

And part of the reason she's so horrified, ask her about this next time you see her, Josh, instead of the typical questions that you have for her, like, will you? You know? Why haven't we? Why haven't we? Why'd we stop? Do you want to? Ask her, I think part of what tortures her is she says that buffaloes have, in her opinion,

a sad face. They all look very sad to her. Yeah, they're not very smiley animals. So it kind of bothers her. Kind of like what you've said about Josh, what you've said about gorillas at the zoo. Yeah, you know, they're such a make. magnificent animal. Absolutely.

I love seeing them. It's insane that they exist. They're just such a, you know, a treat. But yeah, you're right, there's times where you look at them and go, oh, no. They look so depressed. Yeah. Like, my vacuum is happy compared to them sometimes, you know? Like my, I don't know.

It's one of those things where, like, my mother-in-law doesn't like zoos for, you know, the reason of, hey, they should be out doing. Right. animal things. The drug addict. Yeah, she is. Yeah. I have a hard time, too. You do?

Yeah. And I understand that what people are saying. But those sometimes I do go, ah, shoot, they could probably be somewhere else. Sometimes it's necessary, though. If anybody out there wants to tell us about the irrational fear they might have for a certain animal, I'd love to hear about it. That stuff, that stuff kind of. I guess possums freak me out.

Really? I'd rather not. But I think that I just have like a regular average. amount of fear towards them. I can't really picture what they look like to be told. Oh, there's the, like, well, the ones I've seen. Maybe that's why the ones I've seen are very scary. This is just a brain fart here for whatever reason I can't think of what a possum

looks like. Yeah, I'll get you a picture. But they have like those long, icky tails. They're not an attractive animal. Like I said, usually I see them kind of squished on the side of the road somewhere. And they're so mean about it. Why you got to be so mean? This is funny right here.

Big Fat Cheeses texted in to say, Buffalo aren't sad. They're just indifferent to our BS. Oh, sure. Okay, the possum. They have kind of an evil face. One was on my fence in the backyard once, and I shined my light on it, and it hissed, and it was huge. The tail was like almost all the way down the chain link fence. I just, that messed me up for a while. Josh is right, and now I forgot what Josh is right about.

Oh, usually if I see a possum, it just did a little tour through somebody's wheel well. Yeah. Usually I've seen more the inside of a posse. than the outside. Here's a unique one. Somebody text in frogs. I cannot stand frogs. And then, ah, afterwards. What does that mean? I like frogs. They're screaming. Oh, like, ah, okay. I thought it was more of a, like, a relief.

Ah. Okay. Frogs. Sure. We got to take a break. I don't really have an irrational fee. I don't like, bugs creep me out. They're like little aliens. They're gross. And both of us grew up in in basements that were discussed. and crawling with them. Yeah, I mean, of course, I mean, I don't like anything that lives in the ocean. I want nothing to do with any of it. But I'm talking about like just an irrational.

Like the frog thing. Just looking at this some bitch scares the hell out of you. That's kind of what I'm talking about. My fears would be rational ones. Yeah, exactly. If I somehow woke up in a tiger pit. Right. There you go.

All right, we got to take a break. appreciate you listening. We'll check these texts. See what you're having to say about your irrational fears. Stupid news will be around the corner. It's going to be nothing but laughs, I promise you. We'll be back in a couple of minutes here on the half-ass morning show. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play.

If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation.

benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The U.S. Soccer Podcast. I'm your host Megan Klingeberg.

And after interviewing so many dudes during this men's World Cup, I'm so happy to be back with my U.S. Women's Nash team players. I know the U.S. men's national team has changed how I think about myself. how I think about being an American, how I think about being on a team. It's one year out from that World Cup, and we're going to talk about the brightest prospects in U.S. soccer. You ready? I'm ready. Let's do it.

The U.S. Soccer podcast, presented by Henkoe. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. We got to talking about animals. Some of them, Cubby. They'll step up and kill you dead. Some of them. We were talking about some of the most dangerous animals out there.

Even right here in the state of Minnesota, lurking, waiting. We covered what I guess is statistically the most dangerous animal in the state of Minnesota, and that's one of those frigging coyotes. Wouldn't a guess. Seems like, you know, one year will go by and I won't see a single some bitch. And then the next summer, I got 30 of them in my yard. And then the next year, I don't hear from them. and then you know how that works.

It seems like every year we'll get an email from the police department saying, hey, we lost a couple more dogs last night. If you got a small dog, make sure you're watching it. Have you guys ever seen a coyote pup? No, I have not, but that sounds adorable. Yeah, it is. Coyotes can be horribly attractive. Ragged.

Yeah, it's just they look like they're really down on their luck. They're ragged and skinny and scrawny and filthy. I'd never seen one, but I actually had to Google it because I assumed that's what it was. I saw one on the way to work a few months ago, and it was just this puffball. And I thought, well, it's got to be a coyote. But I wasn't sure because I'd never seen why I Googled it. They're adorable.

You would think that maybe it would have been wolves or bears or something here in Minnesota. But statistically, it's the coyote. It's the most dangerous. So anyway, from there, I asked our stubborn listening audience, do any of you have an irrational fear of any type of an animal, including insects, And I'm not just talking about you don't like this animal.

I'm talking about just the sight of one of these critters gets you running for the exits. Here are a few answers. A few people said more or less this, Josh. They said, anything that's got more than four legs must die. You know, I'm with you on that. Yep. Snakes was a popular answer.

One guy says the only good snake is a dead snake. Bees. One of our listeners When he was a young kid He says it's different now He's a big boy now Josh Big boy, nice smile But he says when he was young

He would lay awake at night Motionless Terrified that he would be the next victim Of a brown recluse spider Oh shit Those scare me Oh one of my good friends Says a listener

Gets totally tweaked By butterflies That's not that uncommon I've heard people say that before Yeah I was surprised the first time. They're really unpredictable. That's what you don't like about them?

Yeah, they don't care if they, like, run into you. You don't know what direction they're planning on going. Exactly. And then they'll also defecate in your hair. And they have their own little party tent there at the state fair. You ever go into the butterfly tent at the state fair and allow those things to crap in your hair for three, four minutes? That's how I found out.

Somebody could have a phobia. One of the people we were with was just refused because they were free. I thought they were joking. I didn't know that was a thing, but I guess it is. One of our listeners has an irrational fear. of crabs and it's not a sexual joke. He refers to them as wet, disgusting water spiders. Yeah, I don't eat crab or lobster, number one, expensive.

Secondly, because they do just look like big bugs. Oh, no. I'll eat crab all there. Delicious. Now, this is a sexual joke. One of our listeners says, I used to be afraid of cougars until I became their age. And now, I don't mind dangling with a, because you see, I was a... Junebug, somebody said, yeah, they're gross.

Big stupid. I can't really be afraid of them because they are so stupid. Mix them in with your popcorn some night when you're watching a movie. My uncle did that to my brother and I when we were little kids. Did he really? He hid some June bugs in our popcorn and sat us down to watch Smokey and the Bandit or something. And there's my brother and I. It's not right.

And then some, ah, ha! Some of our listers have an irrational fear of bats. They will absolutely dive under a motor vehicle. into a body of water. They'll do anything to avoid a bat. Oh, maggots, somebody said, yeah. Oh, gross. Maggats.

I don't like the word. Grasshoppers. Yeah, I don't like grasshoppers. They're jerks, too, though. They'll jump right into you, Ashley. What are horse flies. I really don't like horse flies. They hurt when they get a hold of you.

Number one fan, Black Man Jesus has texted the program when he says his sister is deathly afraid of all birds. That sucks. She will just up and run. Did she watch the movie The Birds, or I wonder what happened? Alfred Hitchcock, right?

Snapping turtles. Yeah, they're terrible. I hate those bastards. Some of these really, I mean, I know I'm getting nitpicky here, but I don't find them to be irrational. I mean, some of those totally make sense, especially if you had a bad experience. Definitely. Snapping turtles, line them up. I'll kill every damn last one of them.

One of our listeners says, I don't like owls. They are creepy, especially walking through the woods during hunting. hunting, they follow me. I'm so jealous. What? We've got a couple in our backyard, and we hear them all the time. They're loud as hell. I love them so much. Yes, I had an owl issue, not on my current property, but the one that I lived on 8, 10 years ago, I had a friggin' owl issue. That son of a bitch would prop himself up right

outside my bedroom window, and his goal was to keep me awake all night. Aren't they crazy loud? Yeah. They love to tear that. up rabbits and squirrel, that's for sure. Well, here's where this listener got his irrational fear of owls. He says they follow him when he's walking through the woods. And he said, when he was a kid, an owl grabbed up his kitty and carried it away.

Oh, yeah. That was... Pick up to traumatizing. Yeah, that'll stick with you for a while. Where are you going, Keity? Park maintenance, Jesus said he hates giraffes. Long necks, it's unnatural. I fed a giraffe at the zoo a couple months ago for the very first time, and it was really, really awesome. I suggest everybody goes and does it.

It's fun. Again, snakes, a very popular answer. A lot of our listeners have an irrational fear of snakes, and I totally understand. Like Josh said, I wouldn't even call that irrational. I'd call it rational. I've never heard of this style of snake. Earlier, I mean, I think I rolled through every style of snake imaginable when we were going through the official list of the most dangerous animals in each state.

But I've never heard of this one. A listener says in West Virginia, they have a snake called the fentanyl snake. And it just injects you with fentanyl? There you go. Yeah, I've got a bad reaction to that one too. We've got nothing but time on our hands. If anyone else wants to tell us about an irrational fear that they have of any kind of an insect or a critter or a fully blown animal, we're at 651, 989, 933, we can talk.

If you want to see a movie that involves an owl that might be a murderer, and you also don't mind seeing some random out-of-nowware salad tossing, which didn't really add to the story at all. Oh, it's just kind of odd. The staircase. I'm listening. That was the first thing I thought of when owls got brought up, Josh. It's the only thing I can think of now with owls.

Somebody up and tossed somebody else's salad in the middle of a story about a killer owl? Yeah, out of nowhere. Out of nowhere, it's just, I mean, there was happened. Cleaning up in the kitchen, doing some dishes, and all of a sudden, there was a salad getting tossed. There was no foreplay. That's shocking to you guys? Absolutely. I mean, it just did.

I've never seen something like that in. We watched different kinds of movies. I'd never seen something like that. But it didn't fit the vibe of the rest of the movie. There's nothing sexual about it. Yeah, it just happened out of nowhere. Well, the kitchen's the perfect place for that. Of course, that's where the salads are.

All right, here we go. Let's dedicate ourselves now to the stupid news. People need to stop. Don't you agree, Josh? Yeah, some do. Everybody. Oh, everybody does. What Ashley said.

They need to stop. They need to stop. People need to stop with the stupid ideas. Just dumb. Especially in the godforsaken far southeastern part of the... Come on with this. What are you doing? There's a restaurant down there called the Class

Soray Steakhouse. You F that up from the get-go. It's a stupid name for your steakh. steakhouse. But anyway, there's a restaurant down there, and their idea is naked dinner. The first Monday of every month, folks can walk in naked and have dinner. Yuck. That's stupid. Why would I ever want to do that?

Right. Who in the hell in their right mind wants to have that experience? No. I don't even want to see people do that. And you guys know me. I'm a horn dog. The last thing I want to do is be nude while eating food. Right. Like that, I've heard of some people doing that when they, like, need to lose weight really bad. So they'll, like, stand in front of a mirror. While eating? Naked it.

Then they won't eat as much or something like that. It's very dark. I can have a meal in private while I am nude. I'm talking about being surrounded by other. I mean, I'm trying to eat dinner while surrounded by stretch marks and back hair. and fat old broken ass cheeks and scrotums. Come on. Knock it off.

You could eat dinner while naked? Well, sure. By myself. Yeah, I can never do that. No, thank you. I mean, can you just do like normal things while naked? Sure. You don't feel you've got to cover up or anything?

I mean, I'm not one of these. I know you're not like a naturalist. It's not a common thing that I walk around the house naked eating a bowl of cereal. I'm just saying I wouldn't feel weird doing it. Who cares? I mean, the privacy mind. I'm talking about seeing all these. these other naked bodies.

Luckily, this is not something you can accidentally walk into at this restaurant. The joint sells tickets specifically for nude dining night. In trade, they asked for $250 from dudes, $150 for checks. Making men pay more is the only thing here that makes sense. They got to make it tough for most guys to afford the naked dinner to try and weed out the frantic masturbator types. That's the only thing about this that makes any sense. It does make a lot of sense. Of course you want to charge men more.

You want to try to weed out. It's $300 for couples just in case you were curious. Yes, Josh is passing me a note. He has gotten up from his chair to pass me a note. I just want to make sure this is okay for me to ask. I'm sorry. The time. Oh.

Is my handwriting too for? No, it's not your handwriting. It's my ability to read. Oh, you want to ask me about the time I walked by. Oh, my wife, my wife does not react well to me naked. You told a story where you walked, you walked and said something, you said hello or something, and you were naked. And she had a funny reaction. This just happened a couple of times.

Although there was in the mix, there was one one little comment my wife. made to me while I was naked that I took as a great compliment. But more than once, I've walked out of the bathroom or something, ass naked, and my wife does this. She goes, and she covers her eyes. And it's like, well, wait a minute. What is shocking you here? You've seen me in this state a handful of times at this point. But the part where I was complimented was at one point, after screaming and covering her eyes, she uncovered them and I was still naked and she looked at my gear and she said

it it looks heavy and I took that as a great couple I would too what is that even supposed to move here? I want one person to say that to me something you're going to ask her if you want to but yeah

she does not I mean even sometimes maybe because we've just you know you've known each other For 38 years we've known each other and seen each other naked many times. Maybe at this point in our lives, I just don't look good, nude anymore, or she's just seen it too many times. Because, yeah, she's covered her eyes and screamed.

Even when I come out now just in my drawers, and usually she's holding our little dog, right? She's that evil lady with the dog in hand that all. Even when I walk out in my drawers, she'll turn to the dog and she'll say, Dad's naked. Well, actually, no. I'm wearing a pair of underwear. I think it's just, we've just done it to death, maybe. The naked thing.

I love that reaction, though. That's hilarious. Screams and covers their eyes. Oh, God. Like someone watching a scary movie. Someone... It's awesome. You gave her a jump skier.

She's so awesome. Someone texted in to ask, maybe it's my aggressive nipples. Nobody likes my nipples. Well, Josh actually thinks they're all right. Yeah, they're stately. They're charming. Okay. They are what nipples should aspire to be.

I don't understand the criticism. Appreciate that. They are slightly aggressive. That's what best friends are for. You're slightly aggressive. Okay, so back to this naked dining experience. Again, it's a steakhouse. You're going to get like steak juice all over your naked body.

Crumbs and stuff from the, they usually have the rolls there. Yep, this. The first Monday of every month is naked dining night. You got to buy a ticket. So, you know, unfortunate some bitches don't just walk in fully clothed and say, Jesus, Paul's. Everyone knows it's the first Monday of every month. It's a lot of money to get in.

They say here the joint is dimly lit. So hopefully you are unable to make out the spoke count of the guy walking past you while you're trying to eat a damn French dip for the love of Christ. It better be nice and toasty in there. But then, like, you have to find the perfect medium. Because you can't have it to be too hot. Yeah, guys would appreciate that for sure. Good point.

The staff is fully clothed, but it's too late. You know, some guys hernia bulge just accidentally knocked into my table. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, you're right. It tips over the Tabasco sauce and the Tabasco sauce splashes onto the ariolus of the 86-year-old woman sitting across the room. and the Tabasco's dripping down into her lap. Oh, yeah. And her date doesn't know if she should say something or not.

I understand. That's terrible. My daughter, I thought very astutely when she was young, we walked into, oh, shoot, I forget the restaurant. It's an Asian restaurant that was at Southdale. And we, it was, the lights were kind of dim. And so we walked in and she goes, oh, the lights are dim. This must be expensive.

And I thought about it, and I realized, you know what, you're right. It seems like expensive restaurants, the lights are kind of dim. They set the moon or something. Yeah, people are commenting on this naked dining experience, you know, saying things about, you know, ball sweat. Ugh. Yeah, the chair, they must put something over the chairs, right? They don't say anything about.

They don't say anything about the chairs. The owners of the joint say that they came up with the idea to try and drum up new business and generate some buzz. Shut up. You're going to make, like, normal people now want to go there. Stupid. Yeah, imagine going on the first Tuesday of the month after their sweaty butt cheeks on the booth the night before. You can still smell.

It's bleach night. There's got to be a smell that hangs over the place when everybody's naked. I bet you're right. And it continues till Tuesday, like Dana was saying. You can't. That's just a dumb idea. Try again. Somebody texted in, Nick, said that they're never going to be able to put Tabasco sauce on their eggs again.

That visual. Never tried that. So good. Oh, it's delicious. So good. You're delicious. You're trying to eat a bowl of vegetable beef soup or something, and the couple next to you stands up, Josh,

and one of them drops their wallet, and they bend over it. Good Lord. Yeah, and there's going to be one guy that keeps dropping his napkin or something. Oh, shoot, I keep dropping him. Such a butterfingers. Get something goes to the bathroom multiple times just so you can strut around naked.

Oh, gross. Ew, using the bathroom, the public bathroom, naked, too. P.F. Chang's, that's the restaurant I was thinking about. Thank you, brother and sister. Oh, that is nice. That's nice rules. That's exactly right. I don't door dash from there. It's too pricey.

Then we've got to deal with this pin dick, too. Because he's also acting stupid, like I said, from the get-go. People got to stop. And again, with the far southeast, a 35-year-old clown by the name of, you want to guess? Josh. Oh. Christopher. Close.

I'd be a lot cooler if it was Josh. There are no cool Josh's. Well, they're all cool but me. Liar. 35-year-old guy by the name of Christopher, he got himself arrested. You see, what happened was a while back, he broke into what they call here

a Cuban restaurant. Eventually, the cops found Christopher, and they showed him video of the burglary. This is you. Hey, you recognize this. guy, Chris. And you know what happened next? Christopher looked at the video and he said, oh, yeah, I broke into that place a while back. I like that about the guy. Me too. I do. Thanks a little stroll down memory lane. I forgot about that.

Truly, I like, he took responsibility. Yeah, you got me. Dead to rights. He also went on to say, I thought that looked familiar. Yeah, that's me. You got me. It probably helped the situation that Christopher has a fairly close relationship with the local authorities. the local police have arrested his sorry ass a smooth 20 times over the years. So he's back on the inside again. Plotting his next move, I'm sure. They knew who he was. They knew Christopher.

Question. Yes. This comes from, but you didn't. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Okay, go ahead. Right. We good?

This comes from, but you didn't mean not to, Jesus. Yes. Who says, what if the rolls at the. restaurant were reversed. The wait staff is naked, but the diners are closed. Is that still gross? He wants to know. That seems better to me.

Like, that's kind of like going to a strip club. It's way better. Well, yeah, because then they can like discriminate to a certain extent. So you can like, they can like only hire hot people if they wanted to. Yeah, I'm guessing, I'm picturing hot people. For a while. If it's hot people, then fine. If it's.

That was the rule that. Anything else I'm not cool with. The overnight shift at the Waffle House. Yeah, no, thank you. It's kind of like. strip clubs in a way. You know, like those servers are dressed all sexy and adorable and that's fun.

The customers were also naked. It'd be weird. In the late 90s, you know this, Nick. For a while we had a general sales manager who, that was a requirement for our sales staff. They had to be ridiculously hot. Yeah. It was kind of, it was almost comically sad how that worked out. The whole sales staff was like a Hooters calendar.

I'm not sure any of them knew how to sell anything. No, they didn't sell. dick. But that was the rule. But we had some fun. We sure did. That was a blast. They were wild. I couldn't handle it now, but that was fun. Did you guys have that buddy growing up where all the

cops in town knew who he was? By sight? Yeah. No. I had two friends who got busted a lot. And I'd admit I was impressed one night. We were at a huge party. And as we were

leaving, somebody like put their car in the ditch. You know, so it's like this emergency, let's dig the some bitch out before the cops come, right? We're all drunk, we're all 16, and we're trying to dig this guy out of the ditch. Too late. Here come the cops. God dang it.

We're all going to get pinched. And the cops get out of their cars, and one of my buddies is in a rage because he's about ready to get like his sixth minor consumption already, and he's like, God, unbelievable. I can't believe this. My friggin'

they're going to freak out. Come on, right? He's like screaming out loud. Outside of your parents freaking out, are those a big deal? The miners? I have no idea. I never got one. I mean, just a couple. I was let off the hook that evening again because I just kind of stayed quiet and carried myself as if I had done nothing. But anyway, so my buddy is raging and screaming about how he's about ready. And the cops go, Steve, calm down. And I was like, they know your name. I thought that was so cool. I had two friends who were so well-known, but a little... I would have thought that was cool

when I was number two. They know you, dude. Whoa. All right. What do we got left here? China? We'll go to China real quick. Remember that feet juice drinking gimmick

that we talked about a while back? Sadly, yeah. Yeah. Well, I guess it's taken over China. And there is a fear that there will be no survivors. Let me give you some background here if you don't remember. A couple of months ago.

the original incident, which was some foot juice drinking going on at a San Jose, California, cosplay convention. So these goofy little cosplay models were at this event. I think it was called Phaname Khan. They were dipping their feet in buckets of fruit juice and lemonade,

and then they would charge submissive gibronies money to suck their toes dry and this and that. They would lick the feet dry of lemonade and fruit. This was a thing a couple months ago. Well, now it's cut loose in China. I might do it if I was drunk. Like I'd get off the phone with you, the third call I made. The first, of course, would be to say, Nick, I'm about to drink.

And then second and third would be to express my love for you. But I bet if I was drunk enough, maybe I'd get involved. I could see getting caught up in the frenzy and the whimsy. Would lick the feet of a stranger, lick the fruit juice off of... It seems disgusting, but I was thinking I could see myself getting drunk enough, or I think that was kind of funny. I couldn't do it. No.

I would regret it. So now at a cosplay convention in China, little lady cosplay characters had thirsty jagoffs lined up to suck. Lemon-flavored foot bath water and cola-flavored foot bath water off their feats. You know what? They wanted in trade, Josh, for a submissive little cuck like you to lick that? Well, you just said you'd be interested if you were drunk. Well, I didn't say I was like a cuck or anything.

I just wanted to go along with it and not be rude. Do you know what they want in trade? I don't even want to play anymore. Okay, what do they want in trade? $7.50. That's a bargain. Not bad at all. You can't eat a lemonade for $7 these days, it seems like.

I got a diet due for $3 in the pop machine the other day. Three bucks, huh? 12-ounce can? No, it was a 20-ounceer. Oh, okay. That's better then. This is one of the more pathetic little gimmicks over the last few years, if you ask me. You're lining up and you get on your hands and knees and lick some lady's feet.

It does look a little demeaning. It's pathetic. All right, I'm not going to get drunk enough to do it. I'm not going to get high enough. You're going to get high now. I'm going to get high enough. That's what the godless, soulless, evil and wildly misinformed social media will do for you. This stuff will take off.

It'll start in San Jose, Cali, By God, now it's in China. Everyone's licking feet up and down. Some of these guys just get on their hands and he's and open their yap and the gal just stuffs her foot in his mouth and kind of in and out, in and out. And the guy's just like, oh, he takes it. He loves it. He loves it.

And there's fruit juice running down. No, stop it. In his beard, he's got lemonade droplets in his beard. Don't do this. Bleeding because she had a hang nail. Yeah, the roof of his mouth. is torn up and he says thank you can I have another and she says

give me $7 and $5 and he gives her another $7 and she takes her other foot no and he jumps it in it I've got two of these yeah that's what happens Susie Sheez's is grossed out by the idea of that nude restaurant pubes oh I know her oh do you know Susie Sheezer yes I do

what does she say she's grossed up by pubes thanks a lot now I'm going to think about today our naked patrons and servers people with the meat sweats and the amount of pubic hair around that restaurant. Right. Back hair like we used talking about, aerolas everywhere. Question. Yes. Oh, God, again with the questions. Oh, I don't have to ask it. No, I want, I love your questions.

I can say, it's just, sometimes it scares me when you question. Yeah, because I throw it out there, don't I? What do you have this time? So yesterday, Nick and I were peeing side by side, as we like to do. Romantic, separate urinals this time. And I found a pub on top of the urinal. How does

is it a very tall person or does somebody just kind of pluck it and put it there? Maybe just the airflow, like in the bathroom. Maybe when you open up the door, maybe some like air comes through. So like the top lid of the urinal where you might put your drink. Right, exactly. There was a pub up there. Oh, wait, unless the people that clean our building, shout out to them, by the way. It looks nice. They just did it like two days ago. Maybe when they were wiping down the urinal, you know, they wipe down there, wipe over here,

and then they wipe on the top and maybe a stray hair just fell off like the paper towel. No, no, no. You guys come on with this CSI. I know what happened. What, Josh? You coughed. Oh, that's what it is. Oh, my God. That's what it is. You cleared your throat. Yep. Yep.

Now that you say that, I remember that going in. And then Josh took off his shoes and socks and he took his feet. And he dipped him in Budweiser. Yeah, I don't remember the last time I sneezed and a pub didn't come out. So you're right. That's exactly what happened. By the way, Ashley, worked for the BCA. Oh, okay.

You dominated that. You solved that mystery. I cleaned the bathroom a lot. We made this break pretty, didn't we? We made it pretty. I really like the way of this wrapped up here. Let's go ahead with the whatever we do. Oh, God.

It's just a pubes everywhere. Fistful. So furry. So many different colors. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. I hear you. I won't keep you too long.

I promise. Everything. Everything kind of goes on tomorrow. I mean, tomorrow is a big day. It's Jalen Hurts' birthday. It's also Kyler Murray's birthday. Yeah. Oh.

So we'll celebrate accordingly tomorrow. How old is Jalen Hurts turn it? I don't know that. I thought he was a lot older. Oh, you've already, you already have tomorrow's birthdays organized. I'd like to work ahead. 20 years. Kyleor Murray's going to be 29.

How many Super Bowls is Jalen Hertz won at only 28 years old? One, two? One for sure. A couple of them, maybe I can't. I can't remember. Kyler Murray at 29 is 1-0. He's never won. This is his year.

I don't think so. This is it, you said. Something's going on with the Kansas City Royals. A couple of pitchers on their roster, one, the Pimp, and the other, this, what's his name, Cameron, Noah Cameron? They just have the Twins number. Last night, the Pimp shut the Twins down. Pardon me, two nights ago, the Pimp, Randy Dobnack, shut the Twins down. Last night, this Cameron kid.

It is unbelievable. There's two games in a row. The twins just unable to touch this kid at all. So the Royals have won. The first two games of the series, he got one more tonight. Now, twins have lost four in a row. So, you know, a little kind of an iffy vibe going on right now.

And Joe Ryan has come home from Missouri so they can figure out what the hell's wrong with him. He's seeing a doctor. I mean, that makes sense, right? He just hasn't looked like Joe Ryan. Doesn't look good. But I'm telling you, this Noah Cameron, the twins made him look like he's the next untouchable lefty in the big leagues. I don't know if that'll be true, but the kid's just been terrific.

Twins couldn't get Jack Squat done last night, and they lost by a single run. The Minnesota Links have a home game tonight against the Los Angeles Sparks. Randy Shaver will be here in about a half hour. Stick around, though. Cubby's got his news report for you. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters?

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Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. that's b i a lk e law.com and it spells relief for you start your day with the morning jolt of drake's E tol see now it's on demand my podcast is kind of a radio thing i think but also it's a bit of a tv show and it's about whatever i want it to be it's listening live as it happened when it happened with the instant reaction your home for talking sports we go back the draight toll show westwood one sports network and there will be on demand on your radio anywhere in the country i'll see you there westwood one sports talk Your home for Drake C. Toll.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-ass morning show. Due to some sexual content, parental discretion is advised. On 93X. The clue. Who masturbated to footage from the hidden camera he placed in your bedroom? The response? What is a former Jeopardy Champion?

Meet 44-year-old Philip DeSatea, an engineer, quiz show winner, and now convicts. did creep. Joey DeSanna from Raleigh, North Carolina, is a development engineer not married too long. How did you and your spouse meet? Well, in the past decade or so, I found myself doing some community theater and I met my now wife doing a show. We started dating, getting married, and so we decided we might as well get married on the stage that we met. That's nice. That's a romantic jeopardy story. That was the first clue, wasn't it, Josh? The community theater? Yep. If he only knew what was to come.

The whole perverted production came crashing down October 10th when an alert woman renting a property while attending a wedding spotted something suspicious about two USB wall chargers. What are these doing here? They weren't charging phones. They were powering a peeper. Prosecutors proved the man planted covert cameras in both the bedroom and bathroom of a rental property in Corolla, North Carolina, for what prosecutors called, quote, the purpose of arousing and gratifying his own, sexual desires. The victim told officers she was in town for a wedding and found two cameras in the bedroom and bathroom of the Corolla rental home where she was staying. That guy's so bored with his job. When the hidden camera caper went from undercover to uncovered, DeSena turned himself in before pleading

guilty last Monday to two counts of felony secret peeping. Before the felony charges entered the category of things you hope aren't hidden in your rental, DeSena actually had a brief moment of fame. He won two games of Jeopardy in 2024, pocketed $45,000. Hey, that's not bad. Not at all. You can buy a lot of video equipment for that. And even landed a spot in 2025's Winter Champions Wild Card Tournament. Wow. I suppose you never know who you're dealing with, do you? Yeah. That's always the fear at a hotel or one of those rentals. I always kind of wonder. Oh, Airbnb's, I just assume they're watching me, P. just kind of that's a reason you get a little bit of a price break from a hotel you do kind of hear a lot of stories about that.

I also assume I'm being watched. Yeah, I'll put it on a shelf. Whatever. Let them, yeah. I'm honored. Let them get an eye full if they really want it that bad, huh, Covey? Yeah. I mean, you really want to see this?

Yeah. Oh, okay. All right then. If you ever need to go potty at Pokemon headquarters, specifically the one in Bellevue, Washington, just be mindful. someone there might have been trying to get a Pikachu. In our final low-life pervert story of the day,

Pokemon Co. International is currently getting hit with a class action lawsuit from a woman who alleges the corporate Titan didn't protect its own employees or guests just trying to take a squirtle at its Bellevue location. The legal drama comes hot on the heels of last month's arrest to the company's former director of engineering. Law enforcement reported finding hundreds of spy videos capturing unsuspecting people in the Pokemon office.

his bathroom, along with footage from the nearby Starbucks restroom, and even secretly recorded clips from inside the Pokemon employee's own home. Oh, my goodness. Where he filmed folks making pokey poops and pokey peas. If more accomplices surface, investigators have vowed to catch them all, but so far, detectives believe this was the work of just one Pokemon employee. It's just everywhere. This was his thing.

Yeah, he's got every place covered, I guess. For someone who's never played Pokemon, Josh, you worked a lot of great references into that. I appreciated them all. Well, hey, Google will help you out. They can do that for you. Give the Pokemon terms. You know, Josh, back when I used to have Code Brown problems pretty much every day, that's probably the only building that I never visited in a panic, Pokemon headquarters.

I think that's the only place I never marked my territory. You're messing out. I'm not a big coffee drinker, but, I mean, it makes you go number two, right? Yeah. So, I mean, is a Starbucks bathroom have more stalls than your average? I mean, does that kind of what happens to? No, it's usually like a single bathroom. Oh, okay, so it's not, maybe they just don't want you pooping.

Man. And there's been something I've been to it where you need the bathroom code to get into. I'm like, is this the place to require a code? Yeah, I will just leave a place if that's the case. I don't like having to ask. They should be a little more considerate. Because, I mean, when somebody has to go after some coffee, they got to go. They don't have time to dig out their receipt to.

figured out what the bathroom coat is. Oh, is it that kind of got to go? Yeah. Oh. Nothing says, uh, says, welcome to the neighborhood, quite like a 2 a.m. grenade delivered through your downstairs window. Oh, damn. A homeowner is counting his blessings and probably a few new gray hairs after the explosive came crashing into his home. I heard a loud noise with shattered glass. I ran downstairs, saw something in the middle of the floor, threw it out the door. That was a sudden wake-up call for the Philadelphia. family last Thursday just two weeks after moving in. Naturally, the sound of shattering glass and military-grade hardware landing in the house woke everyone up, including the homeowner's four kids,

sleeping just feet from what they assumed was their impending demise. How did it come rolling into the house? Somebody chucked it in there. Like through their window? Through a window. Thankfully, the grenade didn't go off. The homeowner said someone inside picked up the device and yeated it back into the front yard. I just reacted. immediately and just did. We needed to be done. It got thrown in and got thrown out. Sure did. The house was evacuated while the bomb squad showed up to deal with the surprise delivery. Police eventually announced the device was actually non-explosive and posed

zero danger to the public. But that failed to diffuse the homeowner's anger or confusion. Yeah, I just bought the property. I have no idea who could actually have a beef with this property. Dude. Now the homeowner is speaking out about the frightening incident saying he's still shaken. I'm just glad that everybody's okay. And I just hope that it never happens. He can anybody else. Yeah, this would that would F me up. Who the hell threw a grenade into my house? Yeah, and he's wondering, did they know we were here? Was this

a previous beef with somebody? They've only lived there two weeks. No injuries were reported, but the newly minted resident said he currently has far more questions than answer. I'd be so confused. Why? Grenade? Why? That's

not right. Watched a couple more episodes of World's Worst Neighbor on Netflix. Uh-huh. This is kind of a There's a similar thing that goes on, not a grenade, but similar in one of the episodes. Oh. Body camera footage captured the moment a Florida driver went from everyday commuter to crime-fighting sidekick after spotting a wanted suspect making a getaway. The Port Orange Police Department said officers spotted a man matching the description of a wanted retail theft subject.

The telltale giveaway, he was still wearing the same clothes police said he had on multiple other retail thefts, essentially his own dirtbag shoplifting uniform. Police video shows an officer confronting the suspect who decided it was time to hit the road on his e-bike. And as e-bike owner Nick would argue, that thing is basically a Harley with pedals. It can go. The officer gave chase, but trying to catch up with basically a Harley while hoofing it on foot is a tough task. Yeah, you're not catching an e-bike rider. E-bike pilot.

That's when the pursuit got an unexpected assist from a passing truck. right on cue. The driver spotted the officer and offered to help. You got it, my man, the driver said to the officer. I'm a retired lieutenant with the fire department, the Good Samaritan said. Yeah, congratulations. Go get the guy. All right, it's so nice to meet you, but we got to go.

Go. I got one running, one running. Appreciate you. You got it, my man. I'm retired lieutenant department. You just drop me at him. You got it, my man. Be safe.

Appreciate you. Yeah, what? Dude, I don't care. Maybe he was trying to make him feel comfortable. Like, hey, I'm not a psycho. You know, I'm not a psycho. Appreciate you. That's the thing. I even say that.

I saw it first out on hard knocks. Everybody says, appreciate you. Appreciate you. With some extra horsepower and a helpful hand, the officer reached the area where the suspect fled. Drone units and canine officers joined the search and helped track the guy down. The suspect was eventually found hiding in the backyard of a nearby home. Police said the perp tried to run again,

but this time officers were ready, catching up to him and taking him into custody. Wonderful. Yeah, pretty cool. Having your school plead for forgiveness after your class trip gets out of hand is bad, obviously, embarrassing. But it's got to be a whole lot worse when your government has to say sorry to a whole friggin' nation. A group of Italian students were forced to eat some massive humble pizza pie and apologized to the entire country of Thailand after harassing a woman on a Bangkok train. The teens were said to be loud and rude on the sky train,

and a fellow passenger had asked them to quiet down. Italians can get loud. Yeah, they have their reputation, don't they? After trying to politely remind them some basic manners, the woman eventually reached her limit, and she snapped, shut the F up, she exclaimed. I'll be. But they didn't take the hint,

and one of the geniuses fired back with, hey, sorry for bringing money to your country, which viewers of the video? said only proved the woman's point. Like the normal, okay? Not scream, okay? In Thailand, we're not screaming. Sorry for bringing money to your counter.

No manner. Yeah, you too, you too. Just shut the fuck off. Just shut your fuck off. She said shut the F off. She did. Even so, the woman still tried to help the group when they admitted they were lost.

She tried to give them directions, only to be met with peak comedy from one of the students who answered the question with your mom. As a confrontation continued, the teens pulled out their phones to film her while pointing and laughing like a pack of hyenas. Yeah, there you go with that gimmick. Hey, I'm recording you.

Oh, my God, I hate that so much. It took several minutes before another passenger got fed up and stepped in, threatening to call police. These are high school kids? You know what? I think it's college kids. They looked like college kids to me at least. What are a bunch of pricks. The viral fiasco soon triggered diplomatic damage control.

The Italian embassy in Bangkok had to step up and state that it expresses deep regret over the inappropriate behavior of the children, saying the embassy extends its sincere apologies to the people of Thailand. Italians deeply understand and appreciate the values of Thai society that they place on respect for others. Sorry to bring money to your country. Okay, entitled College Kid. What kind of money are you bringing into the country? What, you buy a keychain? You had a T-shirt? Ah, D-Bank.

I, Bangkok. They got just a cute t-shirt or something. It'll make a hard man humble, that's for sure. Someone's going to get slapped in the mouth here pretty soon, Cubby. As if they really needed those students help. Exactly. You've made such a difference for the school had to do the Walk of Shame too. one student representative offered

I'm extremely sorry for what happened I know that money can't buy respect and I'm really sorry for having offended Thai culture four of the students were slapped with public insult charges and fined a fifth won the grand prize of an even bigger fine after flipping the Thai woman the Italian bird the group is also scheduled for mandatory

extra lessons on cultural respect I won't change a thing they'll be right back to be in puk bags as soon as it's right yeah while the action of the Italian kids prompted their country's government to make a public apology, at least they didn't ruin the internet for the entire country. If they thought taking extra classes on how to behave is harsh, at least they don't go to school in Uzbekistan,

where they literally shut down the entire country's internet on test day to keep kids from cheating on university entrance exams. I'd be so pissed. The whole country. They shut the whole works. I guess I don't know. He'd probably get a day off of work. for most people.

So I don't know. Maybe I'd be cool with that. Maybe that'd be fun. A whole day without the Internet for everybody? You know what? Maybe that's good. Yeah, maybe that's the reset you might need. It has been done before, Ashley.

Yeah, exactly. I think we should go back there. There was life before the Internet. It kind of seems weird to think that, right, with how prevalent it is. Yeah. I forgot to mention a fun fact for you. Technically a fecal fun fact, our second for the week. Back when we were talking about filming.

potty's, right? Filming them. Sure. Poopie mons and poopoomah. There are 96 bags of poop, pee, and vomit on the moon. Astronauts from the Apollo missions left them there to reduce the weight of their shuttle so they could bring back moon rocks and core samples. Apparently the turds. Tards were too heavy, 96 bags.

Vomom. Vomit. Yeah, I'd get pretty sick on that ride. Yeah. I probably could have handled. I handled it when I was younger, but now I can't. I probably have to cut one at one point or another, yeah. Yeah, I could see that.

Best of luck to the Sisterhood's Chaos Coordinator, Sheezus. She's been working toward her bachelor's and nursing, working hard to get it. Today kicks off a three-day skills exam. The Internet's going to stick around. Congrats. She's a little terrified, so we'll send you some good vibes, and no doubt you're going to crush it. That's exciting.

My brother has a small penis, Sheezis. Reached out on the Luther Bloomington Kia Tech's line to wish her brother hung like a seahorse, Jesus, a safe drive to Texas. So wait a minute. One of her brothers has a tiny little pecker. How she knows this is a mystery. Her other brother is hung like a seahorse. A seahorse, not a horse.

She is insulting both of her brother's penises in one text messages? It could be the same brother. She's really going after his penis. Yeah. Again. So it could be one brother with two separate small penis nicknames? Yeah, could be. It must be one small penis.

Two nicknames. There are family dynamics out there, Josh, that really throw me. This sounds like this could easily be a part of my family. Yes. So once again, my brother has a small penis Jesus and hung like a seahorse, Jesus. Yeah, I'm uncomfortable. What do you mean? That could easily be your family.

I could see somebody going after me one way or another. A family member? Probably. Probably. Probably. For the size of your penis. Yeah. Yeah, and I can't say anything about it.

Remind me not to come to Thanksgiving at your house, if that's... Well, we got some penis jokes you're going to love. And happy birthday to DC1 USN Jesus. That's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. Asman. Greetings.

How are you this wonderful Thursday? You know, I'm doing all right. That's good to hear. Yeah, doing all right. Before we cut loose with our regular nonsense, I have some congratulations lined up, directed at all of us, listeners included. We sat down. I wasn't fully responsible because I'm no good with the arithmetic,

but we did sit down as a group last night at the YZ American Legion, and we added everything up. Oh, okay. Last Friday's brost out cancer event pulled down $11,000 for the Randy Schaever Cancer Research book. That's fantastic. That's so cool. That's fabulous. thousand and seven dollars to be

exact. Even better. And I'll be that's about $2,500 more than last year. Wow. So, congratulations to everyone who attended, everyone who donated money or donated a silent auction

item. Every bit as you know, Randy Schaver better than anybody. Every bit counts. For sure. I was thrown when I heard that number. tears in my eyes to know that Don't blame you.

Yeah. Wonderful. Well, thank you very much to 93X to the Legion who do such an amazing job. Nick's wife? Nick's wife. Dominates? For sure. To all the people that put it together.

But, you know, it takes the people to show up to make it work. So thank you so much to everybody who came out in support of the event. and appreciate all that very much. That is a wild success in my eyes. Yes, that is fantastic. 11 grand. Keep in mind, we're going to have another round of bingo in December. Right.

To raise some more bread. Calling for a Cure Bingo. December 13th, Josh. I'll be there. Ooh, the holiday season. We'll all be in great spirits. So there you go. Thanks, everybody.

That's fabulous. Thank you. Absolutely. Absolutely. All right. Same song and dance for the twins. Yeah, you know what? Let's just stop playing Kansas City.

Can we be done with... Yeah, can we just, you know, enough is enough. They have embarrassed us over the last week or so by beating us more times than not. And that's not helpful. I mean, the only good news, well, a couple of... good news pieces. What's that? Dean Kremmer, this pretty decent. Yeah. Considering what he had been doing previous with Baltimore, that was a decent outing for him. The White Sox and Cleveland continue to lose when the twins lose. So as far as the standings in the Central go, nothing's

changed. But it's the wildcard standings that have changed. And that's what I said a few weeks ago. We're now scoreboard watching and Baltimore and Seattle have passed, Baltimore is past the twins. Texas has passed the twins. Seattle's tied with the twins. The tigers are a half game behind the twins. Things have completely tightened up for the wild card race. And it's too bad because the twins have had great opportunities to to do something in the last four games that have not, and that's hurt them quite a bit. I mentioned earlier, directly speaking of this Kansas City series,

it just so happens. It just so happens the Royals employ two pitchers that the twins haven't been able to touch in the last couple of weeks. For sure. One is Randy Dobnack, the pimp. We talked about him yesterday. And then last night, it was this kid, Noah Cameron.

In two straight appearances, this Cameron has come off like the second coming of Fernando Valenzuela. The twins just can't touch him. They can't last night. They managed two hits and they were struck out 10 times last night. Cameron had nine of those. So, yeah, I mean. They have no way.

For whatever reason, they appear to have no idea what's coming with this Cameron kid. They have no clue how to beat that kid. And that's, I don't know. I haven't looked this morning close enough, but I hope this is the last time we play Kansas City. It's probably not. They probably play them. I'm not sure.

They probably play them again at some point in September. Maybe Dana can look. But I know we have one more today against him, Michael Waka against Bailey Ober. There you go. I think that's a matchup. The twins certainly can win. But they've blown some big opportunities over the last couple of days. But if our hope is that we don't have to play the Royals again,

What realistic hope do we have in this whole wildcard? I don't think we do. I'm looking at the schedule. I don't see it. But you know, stranger things have happened. Sometimes you just have... Somebody's number. Somebody's number.

And sometimes you go play the better teams, and I put that in quotation marks, the better teams, and you play to that level. So who knows? Joe Ryan is returning to town now. He's left the ball club there in Missouri. He's returning to town. He's going to see. a doctor today about a potential injury.

Yeah, that's not good. As we've talked about all three of his starts, I believe he's had three starts since the All-Star break, and he has not looked like himself. He looks beaten up. He looks tired. Yeah. So we'll find out if something's going on with Joe. Yeah, we now know that there's a lower body injury that's causing some issues.

Oh, we do know that. Yeah. Well, here's what I read. Here's what I read, Josh. they mentioned specifically his glutes. Oh, sure. His ass cheeks. Yep.

He's going to have his back and glutes inspected by the team physician. That's humbling. That's a heck of a job. Josh, would you like to sign up for that? I do have a famous glute massage. Yeah. Wait a minute. You perform a glute massage?

I do, yeah. It's well known, actually, around the baseball community. Who has found your magic massage? fingers back there. Name an All-Star. Oh, you, specifically, you treat athletes. Usually just All-Stars, yeah. Well, it's usually backup quarterbacks, but you've extended that from the Garoppelos to the.

Did you know I have a framed photo now? Yeah, I see your Andrew. What's his name? Jimmy Garapolo. Who gifted you a framed photo of James Garapolo? You know, I don't know that they included a name. Somebody, we got to thank them again. It's beautiful looking.

It is. It's canvas. Is it autographed? No, no, no, no. We'll get that opportunity, hopefully, someday. Yeah, when he signs with the Vikings? Well, I mean, I don't know. Maybe we'll run into him at a bar sometime. You're saying when he's working at high V?

Yeah. This is my motivation every day. It's going to be a good day. I walk in. He's the first thing I see every day. I just don't think he's... All right. You just have a picture of your son on your computer. Now you have a picture of Jimmy Carapolo.

What son? Oh, yeah, yeah. Family. Yeah, what son? Those friggin' pollads. All right, the new faces of the twins' ownership group, of course, as you know, includes myself, Alex Rodriguez, Jennifer Lopez, and Tom Polad. Tom took the place of his brother Joe as the tippy top boss of the organization. It's his ship now.

His command. He's in charge. The boss. The head man. Top dog. Big cheese. The head honcho. Number what movie?

That's airplane. 1980. Tom Polet. Okay? He's the new guy. Yep, yep. What am I, what am I, where am I going with this? He has come forward now and said that the, this little show of aggression before the twins

hit the trade deadline, you know, they made some deals. He says it's only the beginning, Randy Shaver, of what twins fans can expect out of this new era of twins baseball. Well, okay. Get some, he's basically saying. Come get some. So is he saying that they will be more aggressive? Yes. I think that that's a great thing to say.

I hope that that continues. And I'll push that forward into next season that if there's a salary cap in place for Major League Baseball, they will be forced to spend X amount of money. You mean a city. You mean like a salary basement. There will be a salary basement. Right.

In which they have to spend X amount of money in order to be compliant. Yep. Which will be larger than what they're spending right now. Exactly. That's something that people are forgetting. Yes, there'll be a salary cap, but there will also potentially will be a salary cap floor. That's correct. Which could force me and the poll ads and J-Lo to spend money whether we like it or not.

That is correct. And so. So it may sound like he's wanting to be aggressive and they want to be competitive and they want to spend money. The truth of the matter is they likely will be forced to spend money once there's a new collective bargaining agreement and once there's a salary cap in place. By the way, we have a listener who knows the specifics of Joe Ryan's glute injury, Josh. Oh, he's got an inside view. They say it's nothing. unique, he's just butt hurt

that he wasn't traded. I'm going to diagnose myself as jealous that I didn't come up with that. That's good. Starting pitcher Sunny Gray of the Boston Red Sox, he won his 14th game last night. Wow. The prick is 36 years old. What could have been, right?

Right, right. If you want to go that route, we can. What could have been. His American League leading, by the way, 14th win. I think that ties a career best for wins in a season for Sunny Gray. Isn't that great?

It's impressive. Yeah. You know, you've got to be impressed. All right. And I am. They're at it again, boys. Today is the day where ESPN launches into that Ocho gimmick. All day long, back to front and back again.

That's fun. Non-stop coverage of all those fringe sporting events and this and that. By God, I have the rundown here for you. All in all, they say there will be 23 games or events making their Ocho debut, never been seen on television afore. That's exciting. Now, I'll try my best not to dump any repeats on you, but this list is long, and it's strong, and it's bound to get the friction on.

Starting with the Red Bull Soapbox Race. Is that where they build the little go-carts? Is that the Soapbox Derby kind of thing? Yeah. Okay. And they race them down the hill, that's fun. Josh, the T-Rex World Championship races. I've watched previous, like just last night, I was watching some previous years.

I'm looking forward to it. Those are silly. Grown folks put on those floppy dinosaur outfits and then run like hell. Yeah. Corgi races. Weiner dog races. Goat racing. Goat races.

Crab racing. Now does that mean crab people? Crab people look like crab, act like people, crab people. Crab people. Oh, God. Oh, my God. So, yeah, we're talking about, I think, legit crabs here, not crab people, and not the type you found on yourself after you went to North Dakota for a,

for a U of M hockey game years ago. Sounds like something personal. It is something personal. No, it's shared, actually. It's personal. You think it's personal. It's communal. But then it becomes communal.

Dog surfing. Again, these are some of the games. Starting today, you can see on ESPN Part Ocho, whatever they call it. Oh, roller hockey. That can be entertaining. I've watched a little bit of roller hockey. Ball hockey. Now, that is.

is that when the ball family plays hockey yes lavar lamello that's some tall guys on skis jerry jerry ball is there he plays goalie lucille yeah lucille is there now that's just because i've you know how i've been talking about how i have a 24 hour saturday night live channel i have a 24 hour prices right channel i have a 24 hour three stooges channel because of the wacky setup i have at home. I believe I have this Ocho thing 24 hours, and not just today. I have it going all the time. Oh, all the old ones. Yeah. Yeah. So I've seen, they call it ball hockey. It's just floor hockey. Oh. I believe I'm correct about that. You run around on your tennis shoes. It's like we'd be back in high school. Right. Well, high school, maybe more like junior high, but anyway, we did in high school.

We grew up in different neighborhoods. True. Golden tea. Pinball. Golden T. Man, that, people were obsessed for. with that for a while. What's that? Golden tea? Golden tea. That was so big for a while. That's all we did when we went to the bars sometimes. Let's just play Golden Tea. Pinball death diving. Not exactly sure. I think you just dive off the tallest cliff in town. And die? Yes. No practicing. Whoever dies most dramatically. You ever seen a blue ribbon put around the neck of a dead man? That you'll get it if you watch

A gold medal put around the... Diving chess. You play, what do you call it, chess underwaters? Chess underwater. Robot fighting, tractor pulls. Grass, drag racing. What is fling?

Oh, fling golf. Does anyone know what fling golf is? This is another game that'll be played on. Is that frisbee golf? I don't know. Pudding championships. Oh, is that like? Like you go to one of those put-putt places and championships?

I don't know. They call it the putting zone shootout. So maybe it's a little put-put deal. So I'm looking at. Yeah, go ahead, Josh. No, you go ahead, sir. Fling golf, I looked it up. It's basically like you're golfing,

but with a stick that's kind of like a club that's like a lacrosse stick. And you're just thrown in as far as he can. Oh, okay. I wonder if it'll suck as much as regular golf. They say it's better. That's like their slogan, Golf but Better. Okay.

Jump roping. Bicycle Polo. Broom hockey. What do you call it? No. Broomball. Yeah, Broomball. I guess they call it broom hockey.

Jesus Christ, this goes on forever. Are they doing the slippery stairs? I don't see it, Josh, but it's got to be in there somewhere. You did not oversell that. The first time you told me about slippery stairs. Slippery stairs? You like that event? I started watching them.

I'm like, well, this. can't be that entertaining and once they get towards the top that's incredibly fun one person takes everybody out behind them just the best and when the women get in there the outfits are completely see-through anyway um beach tennis the donk toss world championships i don't know what it donk yeah what does it mean to toss a donk wiffle ball ooh donk toss bikini island i could see you tuning into that again we don't know what don't toss is but if everyone's in a bikini island Bikini. Doesn't matter at that day.

Doesn't matter. All I heard was Bikini Island. That's right. Some of these sports, again, these are ESP and the Ocho games. Some of these sports are kind of sad. Adult kickball. I've always found that to be kind of sad. Roof ball.

I liked that. I thought that was kind of fun. Archery, the housekeeping games. You got a vacuum in one hand and a broom in the other? Dodgeball, pop darts, whatever that is. Pop, I feel like I am Hennepin County's greatest

Papa Shot basketball competitor. There's no one that can beat me. Of course, they're going to throw the banana ball club. Now, when they play here over the weekend, they're going to televise that on the Ocho. Oh, they are cool. When the Banana Ball Club comes here to play the Loco Beach coconuts, we talked about it yesterday. That's this weekend.

Oh, here it is, Josh. Slippery stairs. Great. Yes, Randy? Are they playing at Target Field? Yes. You didn't hear about the banana ballers playing here in town? Twins are out of town, obviously. They're playing in Milwaukee, I believe, this weekend. Juggling.

Bubblegum blowing. I can't do that. Auctioneer championships. Oh, those are funny. Ping pong. Speed chess, freestyle chess, Microsoft Word Championship. What does that mean?

Are you like typing super fast or do they? I know they do the spreadsheet ones. I haven't heard about Microsoft Word though. Jigsaw puzzles? Oh, putting a jigsaw to cap. Speed jigsaws, yeah. Come on. Oh, I bet my wife would do well there.

Fire department racing. You put the gear on, you run into the truck, you run over that baiter kid while he's on a scooter. Put the ladder up, save the cat. Yeah. Save the cat. Cat out of a tree. Hackie sack. Boring.

I don't know. I enjoyed my brief career as a hacky sacker. We used to spend a lot of time doing that around here. Some of this stuff I don't know what it means. United Grid League. I don't know what that means. Blaster tag. How about axe and knife throwing?

Ooh. I'd watch that. Paintball. My God. Good year. Blimp racing. That'd be fun. You're racing.

Wow. Yeah, slow. I mean, I suppose you can go get a beer and a hot dog and not miss much at the blimp race. Bear knuckle fighting. Oh, gosh. Yeah. No thanks. All right. If you don't like that, Randy Schaever, how about bare knuckle fighting on ice?

Oh, God, no thanks. There's something here called two goalies, all goalie. A couple of hockey goleys playing against you? I don't know what that is. Yeah, maybe that's what that is. So Pocky. I watched that. It looks dangerous.

as hell. They literally soap up a floor and you go out there and try to play hockey. You're just falling all over yourself. Pumpkin slinging and then of course, how do you say it? What do we call it around here? Bags or a bunghole. What do we call it? Cornhole. Cornhole. Yeah. Bunghole.

Let's play around a bunghole. All right, fine. You go first. No, you go first. I think that's the prison version. Oh, man. Point Randy Game over Match Fidelity

Fatality Fatality there you go ESPN the Ocho all day long Well you're going to be just swimming in it today Well I don't know how much of this is really going to grab me I have to admit that A lot of these wacky fringe sports

They're good for about a minute and a half And then ah Does it matter when you're On the couch, relax it. Yeah, it sort of does to me. Because I don't watch a lot of television, so I try to make it count. I got you. I mean, yeah, some of this stuff might grab me.

Let's go through the list again. Okay. We start with, you never know. Some of it might grab me. Let's pair it down. What's my top three? But in general, a lot of it, it's kind of like you get a small dose of it and you're good. Who's with me?

It's fun when you're watching with a group and maybe you're drinking some beers and you're kind of riffing about it and having some laughs. It's cool that it's in a lot of different places. so you can just flip, watch five minutes of one, move to something else, something else. That's probably the way to do it. Tonight, the Minnesota links play at home against the Los Angeles Sparks. At one ten in a row, links are ripping it up. And our favorite guard, favorite player, I think we would say. Olivia.

Olivia Miles just got handed the title of WNBA Rookie of the Month for the Games played in July. This is the third consecutive month. That's great. named the top rookie in the league. We should try to get her on. Could she be an MVP candidate? Yes. Yeah, they've been talking about that.

That's what I read. I think so. The links went nine and two in July. She recorded four 20-point games, two-thirty-point games. Overall, she shot 45% from regular play, 44% from the three-point stripe. How did all the other teams pass on her?

I don't know. Crazy. This is to start up a three-game homestand tonight against a lot. Game tonight on Prime Video. Prime Video. If you have Prime, you're able to watch it. What else is going on now? There's a football game on television tonight?

Is it the Hall of Fame? Yes, sure is. I should be more specific, an NFL football game. People are wetting their pants on social media. Yeah, all right. Let's go. It says here, yeah, the Hall of Fame. It's the matchup that everybody's been waiting for.

Carolina and Arizona. Yes. Hell yeah. Hall of Fame game. Do people really call Peacock the cock? Yeah, that's kind of. Just like the G-spot. Yeah, watching the cock tonight.

Okay. That's where you can watch tonight's Hall of Fame game. Well, it's on NBC, though, too. It's on both. Oh, I don't. Yeah. Sorry. It's on Channel 11th.

Now, the teams, the teams competing, again, he said, you said the Carolina, the North Carolina Panthers and the Phoenix occur. these teams were chosen to honor two swinging Ds who are going into the Hall of Fame this year. Luke Keekley of the Panthers and, yes, Larry Fitzgerald of the Stinking Cardinals. That's this weekend, Hall of Fame weekend. It's always the hottest day in Canton, isn't it?

It can be. Yeah. I've been there a few times. Oh, God. They look miserable up there sometimes. Can be. If you care, and I don't, hell, I didn't even care when the guy was playing here in town, wide receiver Stefan Diggs has or is about to start officially working for the Washington Commodores.

Yeah. Right. All right. This happened now. Pickleball is now ranking the best players in the world like tennis does, don't you know? I think they've been doing that for a while. Oh, I read it was new. I thought this was brand new.

Ranking their own players, you mean? There's world rankings. World. Yeah, I thought they had, well, maybe they were just doing it in the U.S. Maybe they were just ranking the U.S. players. I didn't see any of us on the list. Yeah, I wonder what our dooper scores are. I bet Randy's is impressive.

My Mark doper score? Is that what it's called, Josh? A duper score, yeah. I had heard that once. I was hoping to never hear it again. Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm kidding.

Gow darn it. Sorry, I did it again. Now, I never knew what it was called, but my wife and I have a very close gal friend who is dialed the F in to pickleball. She plays it. Every chance. She came to the pickleball event that you hosted a few. She knows her score. Josh, she updates us on her duper score pretty much week to week. Very serious business for her.

What's it go up to? Is it like a zero to one hundred thing? I don't know. I don't. I don't know the gimmick. You might have to look that up. Dr. Pee. He's into that. Oh, yeah, Dr. P. P also very enthusiastic. Yes. Says here the PPA tour, which I'm guessing the PPA stands for a professional pickleball association, but I'm just going to go with that, even if I'm incorrect. It says here, a gal called Anna Lee. Oh, boy. Is this the like 14-year-old? There's like a 14-year-old girl who is like the number one player in the world or the country.

I don't know the ages of these people. Okay. I watched the when they had, oh gosh, who was it? The former tennis, Andre Agassiz is a big pickleball player. He is. He was part of this tournament, and she was in it, and she's unbelievable. She beat what's his nuts? You just said his name a minute ago.

Andre Agassiz. Yeah. She's 19. Okay. Is that the same person? It might be. She started when she was like seven or something. Are we talking about Anna Lee Waters?

That's the girl. Okay. Anna Lee Waters. They say here, Anna Lee Waters. They say here, Anna Lee Waters and some Jay Brone by the name of Ben Johns have claimed to be the best pickleball players in the world for some time. Yes. But now there will be official rankings. Okay.

So people can stop talking all that trash and they can look at the legit ranking system of all the professional pickleball dorks from here to stinking Timbuck too. There you go. That's a whole other level. Yeah, it is. That's a whole other game. In fact, I don't even recognize that game. Again, I'm still kind of pissed at Randy at his pickleball event. He put himself with the beginners.

Which is where I belong. No, it is not. It is too. I've played you, defeated you quite easily, but you don't belong in the beginners. I'm over there sweating my nuts off and Randy's going pink. Punk. That's not true. Bounce, bounce, bounce.

Pink. Pong. Bounce, bounce, bounce. One nothing. That's not true. I almost ruptured my lower lumbar over there trying to play with the media. What do you call it in the middle? The media, the mid?

Mid? Intermediate. Intermediate. Thank you. All right. Some folks already knew this. That Justin Bieber dude, he may possibly be one of the finest athletes in the world today.

You know, he's got a lot of talents. He does. He's not, if you just know him from singing or whatever or YouTube, you wouldn't know. He can play a lot of different sports and supposedly well. Mm-hmm. So something was going on somewheres. They called it, where is it? I have it here somewhere.

They called it the Fanatics Games at Fanatics Fest. Okay? Does anyone have any idea what they're? that means. Yeah, isn't that like, like there was a lot, Anthony Edwards was there. It's a big sports convention. Athletes go there, sign autographs, wrestlers even.

Carl Anthony Towns was there, Tom Brady. We talked about this a couple weeks ago. Yeah, because it was about all the LeBron James hype. That came up a lot. Okay, but this story took some time to come out, I guess, because just now everyone's congratulating Justin Bieber

for his performance at the fanatics games during Fanatics Fest. He competed against the following top athletes. That Novak Djokovic character who plays tennis for a living. Okay.

And they play a bunch of games. I'll get you the list here in a second. But Bieber won the whole smear. He beat that Djokovic cat. He beat the lunatic. He beat Carl Anthony Towns. He beat Wemba Yamba. He beat

Livy Dunn. That name rings about but I'm not sure what she does for her. She's the former gymnast. She's Paul Skeen's girlfriend. Oh, right. He beat that moron Rob Gruncowski. There were eight different challenges that you go through in order to try and win the fanatics games.

They do a lot of basketball shooting. Let's see here. First off, well, I'll start. Challenge number one was some kind of field goal kicking competition. You kick five field goals. from 20 yards and then one from 35, this and that, right? Then they do a bunch of basketball shooting. You get like 15 shots and 90 seconds, five, two-pointers,

and then 10, three-point. As fast as you can, that kind of a thing. This is cool. Every contestant performed their own WWE-style entrance with music and a character that they have developed on their own and some showmanship and judges scored them based on performance, crowd reaction, energy, that whole thing.

That's fun. At SummerSlam over the weekend at the Fan Fest at Convention Center, they had that similar setup, or they had a huge kind of stage, and you could get in lines, mostly kids, some adults. Not me, believe it or not. But you could pick which wrestling theme song you wanted to come out to. And then everybody out there and watch it and give the kids a big pop. It was really fun to watch, actually. And you didn't do it?

The line was too long. Ah. There we go. That makes sense. There we go. It'll come out eventually. All the truth comes out. Also, as part of this Fanatics Fest challenge, they tested their punching power by throwing two punches into a bag.

And there was, you know, a score pops up. Is that kind of like at the fair? Yes. The arcade, they've got those. Yeah. Again with the basketball shooting. Again with the field goal kicking. And then they picked a winner.

Scores were tabulated. And the overall winner was frigging. Justin Bieber. Again, beating out all these other pretty impressive athletes. Djokovic, Kat, Wemba, Livy Dunn, Rob Grinkowski, the lunatic. I'm telling you the kids are forced to be reckoned with. Yeah, you got a point.

He also talked a little shh along the way. So, you know, I'm coming around to this Beber guy. Me too. Weren't you a big fan growing up, Ashley? Bieber? Yeah, definitely. You had a big crush on him, I was a Belieber. You had the Bieber fever?

100%. Yeah, it was the second concert I ever went to. Belieber, you said. Looking back, that was a huge deal. I mean, it was when he was, like, the most popular. He's Ben. And my brother Aaron brought me to his concert. It was so awesome.

Oh, I'm sure that was a completely sold-out show, too. I remember I got like a cool lanyard with, like, his name on it. And I forged his signature on it. feel good. I love that. Oh, so it would look like he autographed your lanyard? Yeah, but I just kept in my room. I didn't tell anybody about it, but it was just for me. That's funny. You never tried to fool anyone like, hey, look, I met just...

Didn't put it on eBay or anything. Did you guys ever go to the NFL experience type setup when they had the Super Bowl here a few years ago or when they had the Super Bowl here in the early 90s? No. Yes. I thought they were... I was a decent time-waster. I mean, I don't remember having my mind blown.

But when the Super Bowl was here in 92 or whatever, 91, 92, when the Redskins played the Buffalo. I don't remember that one as much as the last. We were still young guys. So we went and you could run the 40-yard dash and then compare your time to, in those days, the fastest player in the NFL, Randy Shavel will remember this. Was the cornerback for Washington?

Darrell Green. So you could compare your time against Darryl Green. You could do a stationary jump up in the air. What do they call that? Standing jump or something? You could compare your... Vertical? Vertical.

Thank you to, I don't know who in the league at that point, probably had the, who knows. I went to one of those in, I think it was 1992, and the NBA All-Star game was here. I was really young, but I do remember some type of All-Star experience type thing where you could see how big Shaq's shoes were. You could see, you know, put your hand up against, you know, Hakeem-Elaz-Juan's hand and things like that. and they had hoops to shoot on, NBA jam arcade machine set up. It was very fun.

Those are decent setups. Pretty decent. I'm trying to remember where we were, but we took the kid someplace where you could run against Adam Thielen and a Tyrannosaurus Rex. You could check your time against those two. How'd you stack up, Josh? Yeah.

They wouldn't let me in it. It was a kid thing. And again, the line was too long. Well, I'll tell you, Josh, one of those two, I wouldn't mind if he passed me. You know what I mean? Yes. Or caught me, I should say.

I'm not terribly afraid of Adam Thielen, but if a... Right, if I had to come face to face with one, Mr. Thielen would be my preferred. I will run much faster with the dinosaurs. Yeah, those events were kind of cool. Now, how about at the... Now, I know these days at the State Fair, in the midway, they still have... We were talking about Justin Bieber and all these other athletes, you know, tested their punching, power. I see those at bars now again. They have the bag hanging and don't get cute with that.

Yeah. How about nowadays at the state fair in the midway, they still have the hammer come down type of a thing. What do they call that thing? Oh, I forget what it's called. And you try to the weight travels upwards and you ring the bell. Nowadays it's all digital. Did you ever get a chance to do the real deal? Bring the hammer down. The thing goes up and try to ring the bell. the bell. Anybody? No. Because they don't do it anymore, but years ago at the old State Fair Midway, they had the legit hammer down. I don't know what to call it. I apologize. This was one of the most incredible sites I've ever seen in my life. We were probably 17. We were drunk off our asses at the Minnesota State Fair. My brother being the drunkest of anyone

there, absolutely annihilated. But my brother was just really, really. ripped, cut, massive young kid at the time. And there's all these shirtless hillbillies, a good five, six deep, watching the hammer down competition. And all these big, burly 35-year-old some bitches come up there. And the thing travels up, just short of the bell. So everyone's drawn to this scene. My brother steps up. He's got a whole bottle of JD in him.

Oh, great. He grabs that hammer. Ah! And he rings the bell. you would have thought he just pitched a no-hitter in game seven of the World Series. I'd be excited. Every sweaty drunk hillbilly from Waconia to Virginia, Minnesota, they've got them up on their shoulders. It was just the most insane scene I'd ever, I just...

That's awesome. What just happened? Thank you to the all-knowing brother and sisterhood, the T-Rex Thielen Challenge Science Museum. Oh, you remember that. There you go. The old hammered down. What the hell is that called? A test of strength?

Yeah, let's go with that. Oh, yeah, I've heard it. They've got one at the tattoo shop I go to, the Comas tattoo. And when they do it, they have it. And if you want like a random tattoo, Ashley, you're not sure what, you hit it. And then wherever they have different levels of wherever you land, that's what tattoo you get. Oh, that's unique. I like that.

You do the spin the wheel thing with that, Ashley, don't you? Yep, I've done that. People are saying you can still see the legit hammer swing at the Renaissance Festival. I guess I miss that usually. Yeah, you should. You should go. We should go the same day. Yep, let's do that.

You're going to test your strength, Josh? No, well, if there's nobody around, sure. Josh is going for the cleavage. It depends on how long the line is. The cleavage, you say? He's a boob man. A lot of shoegazing. That is wild.

What happens there with that? I know. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm like, sorry, but like, where am I supposed to look? Yeah, I'm just staring at my giant turkey leg. Yum. Have I missed anything, Randy Shaver? Not that I know of.

Because we could go ahead and... I don't have anything on my list. You actually covered the NFL tonight. We could call this pig. Yeah, there's a friggin' football game on tonight. I'm not ready for this crap. I mean, it's no big deal. I'm not going to watch it.

It's just... No, I think I'll glance at it a little bit. I get aggravated at the beginning of the NFL season every year. I'll glance at it a little bit before I watch the links tonight. There you go. All right, Randy Shaber. All right. Get her done.

Have a good day. We'll talk to you tomorrow. See ya. And we'll return here in a few minutes on the by damn half-ass morning show. 93. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good.

What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better.

Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensations. benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Mike Trott, hosted by former Navy SEAL Mike Ridland. What is your take? Was it what you expected? Oh, it was the best thing ever. It was something I always wanted to do. If you

show me a clear goal, I'm like, okay, I can do that. Master Chief. He's like, you realize there's about 1% chance of you. You making it through 1%. That's all I need master chief. My platoon went home early, and I just went up to my chief, and I was like, I'm not going home. Turns out I'm staying. That's when we go to war. I was like, okay, I could get used to this.

Mike drop. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X. That's Thursday. It is, and to steal a direct quote from the nature boy Rick Flair, it's 93X rock. It's early in the morning. Welcome back to the program.

Josh, you like fun facts, don't you? I do quite a bit. Oh, quite often in your news report, you include a fun fact or two. A listener donated this fun fact to us through that FN Luther Blumenton-Keea text machine. 651-9893. 93, of course, is the number if he's ever want to get a hold of us. A listener donated this fun fact to us. We were talking about that ESPN-Ocho gimmick.

starting tonight, I think, all day long. Maybe it already started. Yeah, I think you're right. I think you did. Sometime today, you can see endless oddball events on the ESPN Ocho. One of them we brought up was

blimp racing. So here's the fun fact, according to a listener. There's only about 20 blimps left in the world, and they only use 10 of them. Wow. Oh, I didn't know that. I looked up how, fast they travel and it sounds like 70 some miles per hour is how fast they're.

Really? Much faster than I would have thought. Yeah, much faster. Yeah, I suppose. They don't look like they're going 70. I wonder what that sensation is like traveling across the sky in a blimp. Can you go up in a blimp? What do you mean go up in a blimp?

Can you buy tickets to go up in a blimp? Well, this guy says there's only 10 of them in operation, so I imagine. I wonder. You might have to make a few phone calls on that. Blimp rides. I wonder what that's like to be just kind of hanging there. I saw the Hindenburg movie. Yeah, that freaks me.

I didn't like that. I didn't like that at all. Another game sport that came up when we were talking about the Ocho bit was roller hockey. Here's a text from Reefer Smoking Jesus. Poor bastard used to live in Key West Florida. God, what a nightmare. He said there was a roller. hockey rink in town and he says he went down there to mess around a little bit he said there were

some russians playing the game they asked him to join and he jokingly said boys this is going to be a repeat of that 1980 olympics he said those russians beat the piss out of him he said some people have no sense of humor he left hurt but laughing that's a great line he tried a round of Roller hockey against the... Get ready for a repeat of 1980, boys. Then they just flattened his ass. Riefer smoking Jesus. All right then.

I have a question. And get ready for a few easy wife jokes to be texted in. Here's the question. And you'll likely have to think about it for a minute or two. What's the oldest thing you still use every day? You see where the wife jokes might come into play? What's the oldest thing you still use every day? Probably my, I'm sorry, go ahead.

Probably my hairdrier or my curling iron. I've had both of those for like 15 years. I got a washcloth in my shower that's got a lot of miles on it. I'll tell you that. I mean, for me personally, I've got hats, t-shirts, some hand tools. around the house like screwdrivers and pliers. That's a good one.

Those, I mean, Christ, they're older in the hills. I think I got them from my stinking old man. I don't use those every day though. Oh, wait a minute. Yes, every day. Sorry, eliminate the tools then, yeah. Yeah, because I mean, I have tools that my grandpa left my dad and my dad left me. I forgot about the everyday element there. Well, I've got, it's gross, but I've got boxer shorts that have held up since high school.

That's amazing. You got old pairs of drawers. Don't use them. Brian, a listener named Brian, says he's got a comb. Same one for 20 years. Grandma's 100-year-old cast-iron skillet says pubic excellence, Jesus. Lucky. 100-year-old cast-iron skill.

That's a good skillet. People love those things. I wish you didn't know what to cook. Rambling Jesus has a belt that's 21 years old. Dang. That means you haven't really gained any weight. That's good for you. Yeah, nice work.

You use it every day. What's the oldest thing you still use every day? It's a very tough question. Up at the crack of dawn, Jesus says, oldest thing, my wang. I've had it for 56 years, and it's still kind of worked. You still use it in one way or another? Just kind of. Every day.

Are we counting taking a squeege? Then yeah. You use that pig every day. Here are some answers from the godless internet, and I know a lot of texts are coming in now from our listening audience. People are saying things like yeah, their hands, their unit. Do we count doorknobs?

Do we count refrigerators? Do we count light switches, a listener wants to know. I think we're more talking about possessions. Yeah, things that you've moved from home to home, maybe. One individual says, for the longest time, they've had the same pair of glasses. Whisco Welder, Jesus, same wallet, 20 years. That's a good run. The wallet.

I retired a wallet, Josh. It was falling apart? It was falling apart, but I retired it because it was autographed. by Dockin. Oh, really? Including George Lynch? No. He's a standoffish guy for some reason.

Reb Beach was in the band. Oh, gosh. That's great. I knew that would make up for the lack of George Lynch. Oh, man. I was very drunk at Medina Ballroom, and I had introduced Dawkin earlier in the evening. They put on a live show, Don, Mick, Jeff, and Reb. And then, of course, I got more drunk.

and then after the show I just kind of wandered right into their little dressing room and asked them to autograph my wallet and they looked at me like I was a absolute moron which I was and so then I put it away I can't use my wallet anymore and got autographed by docking that's cool all right

do you mind bringing that in I'd love to see it or is this an excuse for me to just drop by you can swing by but you might have to help me look through a big bin of 25-year-old garbage. I think I put it in the same bin as my old, you know, North Star memorabilia and stuff

like that. So you and I might have to sift through that bucket for a while. Fine. Formerly known as Stay-at-Home Dad, Jesus, he's right there with me. He says, I too have a few pairs of boxer briefs I got in college, probably. What can I say? I'm easy on my undies. Oh. Yeah, so am I.

A few people have texted in on the topic of what's the oldest thing you still use every day, and they say they're Pella. One guy says he's 53 years old. He still uses his childhood pillow. No. Get a new pillow. I wonder how much heavier it is.

You know, you hear that, right? About mattresses and pillows and stuff. Yeah, I get new pillows, I guess, regularly, and it's still not, like, as often as you're supposed to. Hawkins, what, yeah? Do you know, on top of your head? I think it's, like, it's supposed to be a couple times a year. Is it that often?

Maybe, like, twice a year or something? Oh, I'm probably once every decade. Of course, it depends, like, what kind of pillows you're buying, if you're buying like the cheapies for like five bucks a pillow. That's what I'm buying. Probably need to be replaced a lot more often. Oh. Yeah, I mean, once I start getting a weird color, she should probably switch them out.

I never cared what the color was. My wife is very active with pillows. She replaces them. If she wasn't part of my life, I've told you the stories already about my yellow pillows. Never once did it occur to me to change them out. I probably easily slept on the same set of pillows. for 35 years. What did you say?

Mine ooze, and I still keep them. They ooze? Yeah, they weep. There's something that comes out. Hall in your wood, Jesus said, so if I say toothbrush last 27 years, is that mad? Oh, yeah. Dude?

Yeah. I know it's disgusting, but I don't care. I also had no idea that an individual could have more than one toothbrush in their lifetime. I had the same toothbrush. It was completely flattened. I just never considered... I guess, you know what, that's your parents' fault, because I learned it from my mom.

She would buy us new toothbrushes when, I don't know, whenever it was time. And she would, like, deep clean our other toothbrushes. She would, like, let them soak in peroxide or something, once a week at least. I bet you I had the same toothbrush for 20 years. Crazy. Never considered changing it out. And you don't, you just have a regular toothbrush still, right? You don't have an electric toothbrush?

No, I got a regular one. But now, now that I'm aware that getting a new toothbrush, is something someone can accomplish. Now I do like to keep them moving. I love getting a new one. I feel like a little kid all over again. I enjoy it. Love that Danhausen, Jesus, has used the same makeup mirror for 45 years.

Her mom used it for 15 years before. That's kind of cool. Yeah, that's kind of cool. I mean, he's probably of family heirloom at this point, like my pillows and my toothbrushes. Financial Advisor, Jesus said most of my pillows would be from a previous century, if not for my wife. Yeah, I mean, I didn't understand. The shock and the horror. My wife would look at my pillows and say, oh my God. I'd say, so what?

I mean. Can't be good for your, you know, your face, your skin. Even with like a clean pillow case, it still seeps through. I've never noticed Nick having skin problems. Oh, it has to, it just has to be something soft to rest my head on. I never cared the color. I never cared all the stories about dead skin. He hides it behind his facial hair.

Oh, maybe he does have girl skin. I might have to. I just, I never cared. Never cared. That was the last of my... Recovering Catholic Jesus said he still has the same hairbrush he had in junior high and he's 65. The hairbrush? Yeah. That could never be me. Wait a minute. I lose it all the time.

You still got hair at 65? You're lucky. Lucky son of a gun. I know. Some of you just cruise through life, D-swinging. Sixty-five, still a full head of hair. I got a couple of buddies who'll have a full head of hair when they're bastards is what they are. I didn't realize how much I didn't like that guy until I just figured that out. Hair brushes. I'm seeing a couple of those now. Okay. Oh, this person buys a new toothbrush every time they buy toothpaste.

Oh, wow. How often are you supposed to? I mean, Josh, number one, F that's supposed to crap. Okay. Do whatever makes you happy. I don't know, maybe like once every four or five months? That's me my guess, right? That's usually when it starts to deteriorate.

You go to the dentist every six months. They always give you a new one. That's kind of how I look. I've always kind of looked at that as a rule of thumb. Yeah. Oldest thing you still use every day. Listeners are texting in about a. certain lamp. They're texting in about a certain alarm clock. They're texting in about a certain

what happened, Josh. What happened? It's not a wife joke. We told folks that we're not allowing wife jokes. What is it? You can't read it? No, I can't. Sofa King Cool Jesus said he's been using the same condom for about 10 years. Dishwasher cleans it right up. That sucker's still holding back. Can you imagine Ashley, you're being intimate with somebody. then like, hold on, I had to go grab the condom out of the dishwasher. Gross, dude. It's a classic. What are you doing?

I can't get rid of this. This is a classic. Sox. Some folks, they'll pull the same socks over their feet until the... Maybe I buy cheap ones, but I get holes in mine quite easily. And it's something else that I learned through time and experience that a fresh pair of socks is a wonderful thing. It is. Again, as a kid, I wasn't taught anything.

So, yeah, I was running around town with holes in my socks. That's the only thing I for sure change every day. I was never told about the beauty of a new pair of socks. I thought, well, these will go another six, eight months. You're just stupid, just narrow-minded. I mean, I just chuck them when they get holes. Holy socks gross me out. Yeah, me too.

I can't believe I did it for as long as I did. Two broke to Motorsport, Jesus says that his wife still snuggles with her baby. blanket every night. She's going on 40 and there's parts you can see through. Oh my gosh. Here's a 61 year old who says they still wrap themselves up in their baby blanket. That's adorable. What about furniture? Oh yeah, that's a really good one.

Again, if my wife wasn't part of my world, I would sit in the same recliner until the springs were tearing the flesh off of my ass. I just don't think about it. I don't consider the obvious. my brother, I bet you the couch that he sits on every day is 40 years old. That's crazy to me. I just don't live like that, I guess. I don't hang on to stuff for that long unless it's like pretty specific things.

But I'm with you. Like with furniture, why not? Just keep it until it's just destroyed. But it just gets so uncomfortable. You don't know, because like I always think about what could be. Like, I've been arguing with my husband like crazy lately because I want to get a new bed because he, it's his bed. So he's had it for, I don't know, like 10 years.

And I'm like, bro, it's time. Like, we need a new bed. This is getting ridiculous. And also I want a king. We just finally got one. And I had it before I met my wife. So we've 20 some years. And when I bought it, it was $300.

This mattress. It sucked. It was awful. We got one. But I still would have I stuck with that if I wasn't constantly sore from the other one. Some of our listeners are talking about the old... Where is it? I had it and I lost it.

Oh, my old lunch cooler. Oh, yeah. Put his bologna sandwich and his apple in there every day for the last 50 years. I used to get my dad a new one of those every single year for Father's Day. I bet if you go into your folks' basement, there's 11 of them in a corner, you know what I mean? You know what he would do that? No, my mom is the opposite of a hoarder. Oh, so she gets rid of stuff.

Absolutely. It's her favorite activity in the world. But he always would transfer to the newer cooler. God help me happy. Now that my folks are gone, and you know, I've told the stories about cleaning their house out, and it ain't even done yet. It ain't done yet. That's one thing that they hung on to, coolers.

Or, as my family called them, and my family's been given full credit on this, is the only family who uses this term. Our family, we didn't call them coolers. We call them cooler kits. You ever heard that before? Never. And we get that all the time. And I don't know where it came from,

but my family referred to coolers as cooler kits. Don't know why. I buy a couple cooler kits from you if you got some of you want to sell off. I'm sorry, you want to buy a cooler kits if you got a bunch of them. Dude, there's probably a dozen of them in my folks garage right now. I'll take them all. All varying sizes of cooler kits. If you want your parents' house to get cleaned out and want to be done with that,

you should just hire my mom for like one day. She doesn't even need a day. She probably just needs one afternoon. She can get it done for you. Can she? I wish I had a passion for cleaning. She's a skilled woman. I'll bet.

She looks like the type that can get it. I didn't mean that kind of sounded creepy when I said, I'll bet. I'm just buying it because your family is an impressive family. Oh, thank you. It was not meant to be girls. Yeah, some of these are hanging on to some old stuff and that's okay. Here's a guy who lives in a house that was built in 19 and 13. Oh.

Good bones? Yeah. OTR trucker, faith, believe in Jesus said. He's had the same pair of burks for 30 years. And he's had him resold three times. Wow. You love them that much, I guess. I used to patch up my pants, not myself, because I don't have the skill set for that.

But I had a stretch of time where I didn't want to give up on any blue jeans, and I'd bring them down the street to the fence. this joint. I don't know what kind of joint. People sit around sewing things. I don't know what you call that. But I would bring them over to this room full of ladies. They were all ladies and they'd sew up my pen, put patches on my pants. I never thought of doing that. That's smart because like you, you know, you get a pair that you like. You've worked them in. They're comfy. I was big on having my jeans patched up. I never wanted to give up on blue jeans until now these days, that service has become really expensive. So it's almost better to go get myself a new pair of blue jeans than it is to

You should figure out how to do it yourself. Get a little sewing machines. I'd like just watch that happen. Look at me. Look at me. Do I look like I could have any chance at that? Oh, yeah. I believe.

You probably have great dexterity. You're great with your hands. Oh, my fingers? Yeah. I've told you before. That's why I can't get a hold of the guitar. I never learned properly how to play a guitar because my fingers are not dexterous. Is that the word dexterous?

Well, you have, no, your dexterity. You can finger drum with the best of them. I can do it. It's amazing you can't type, by the way. way. If you could type like you can finger drum, you could win awards. It's just they have to stay fairly stationary. With a guitar, your middle fingers going here, right?

And then your pinky fingers. It's a complicated explanation. But yeah, my fingers can go quick. I want to ask them to go in random directions. No, it's not going to happen. I wonder if you're the fastest index finger typeer out there. Maybe. Because sometimes it sounds like a normal typing over there.

It hurts to watch him. Why? I know it's loud and hard, isn't it? No, it's just, it looks complicated, man. It's just, I'm like, come on. Let me just teach you. All right. Thanks for your text messages on the old stuff you got sitting around the house.

The 93X half-ass morning show. Oh, right. Yeah. We get another segment before we. Don't do that to me. We're close. It ain't over. Well, hell no, it ain't over, but we're close.

Thanks for coming back to the half-ass morning show. Sorry, we got lost in a conversation off air. We didn't know what the hell was going on. I wish that was on air. Oh, you lost me. You guys go on. Are you done? Have fun. Yeah, I can't come back from that.

All right. Well, we're going to need you, though. What are you doing in the refrigerator again? You guys don't need me. What do I got to do to keep you out of the refrigerator until we're off the air? The cooler kit. That's not a cooler kit. Oh, it's a refrigerator.

It's an electric. appliance. Hey, go along with me on this. I'm just going to crack open up. Nice. Name of brand of beer. Budeweiser. Oh, so good. Little early for that, isn't it, Josh? By the way, that's such a cool

sound, isn't it? Yeah, I love that sound. It makes you want a soda so bad. That was perfect. It kind of sounded fake. It almost sounded like, you know, they record those sound effects in studios, you know, with all the proper speakers and the soundproofing and stuff. It sounded like it was one of those types of situations. It was good.

Talking about how your family called Coolers, Cooler kits, Nick. Yes. I want to ask you guys, when I say, grab me something out of the ice box, what is an icebox to you? It's a main character in the movie Little Giants? No. I haven't seen that one. No, no. Well, some folks refer to just the good old-fashioned refrigerator as an ice box.

Okay, I call the freezer on our refrigerator, the ice box. And my husband told me that I sound like I'm 70 years old when I say that. A freezer? calls it that. That's what we always called. Yeah. I've heard both. My grandma would say icebox. But yeah, we... I would understand what you meant. Yeah, okay. Thank you. I don't think it was that weird.

All right. Hey, Josh, you know how we were talking about old stuff? The question was, what is something you have in your home? Something really old that you still use every day. Well, now, this some bitch probably doesn't use it every day. But up north metal mullet, Jesus says, he still has his striper concert. shirt from 19 and 88. Oh, awesome. When he saw them in concert with White Lion.

Oh, you know what? I think I remember this correctly. Retired Air Force, Jesus, you know, he's a drummer in a rock band, don't you know? Drummer in a rock band, he says. They're opening up for Striper. Where can I go to see this and when? Let me see. I got to look this up.

But I don't have to watch the opening band, do I? No, it's retired Air Force, Jesus. Hey, if you're listening, pal, let us know where that is. Tell us when and where you're opening for Striper. and I want to learn more about what type of an act you bring to the table. What kind of a band is it? It's a hardcore band. I don't know how.

Yeah, he'll have to get back to us on this. We're very interested in that. Congratulations, opening for Striper. That's outstanding. That is outstanding. Speaking of live concerts now, Lalapalooza, they're still putting on that program. Yeah, that's happening again. Our boss goes to that.

He loves going to those shit. He's such a schmuck. I had a friend who went and she posted some videos and I got exhausted. just looking at the videos. I'm like, that just looks awful. That's for 21-year-olds. Just because the young kids are jumping around. Yeah, and it appears very late at night.

It's dark outside. My goodness. I never found myself at a Lollapalooza. So anyone ever been there? No. My girlfriends have been there. Let me tell you what's... Your girlfriends have been to Lala Palloo.

They didn't invite me? You know what you said? Yeah. Hey, welcome to my life. We had a disturbing conversation a day or two ago about how there's become a problem at concerts these days where folks think it's okay to dump a one or even a two skis just wherever they feel like it.

No. At live concerts, kids are just taking a whiz bang or even dropping a coiler smooth on the floor. It's horrible. We can't do that. And the story we told a few days ago, I mean, some dude just unleashed this, just this foot-long monstrosity and everyone was stepping on it and it got all over everyone's clothes and then everyone started vomiting.

We don't need to get into that again. Let me just tell you this. There's something similar apparently that's been happening at a few of these Lollapalooza shows that are going town to town. There are videos where young people are passing around a cardboard box which has a plastic bag inside of it. And in the videos, it appears to be full of piss. Yuck.

it's not clear how many people were using it or where it was headed but they're passing it along that's how you get a disease you get some of that drippage on you so it appears that young people were comfortable passing this piss bucket around the crowd you whiz into it you pass it to the next peckerhead it's unclear where it was headed where's the final destination for this piss box and this is a good point in the article that says for anyone who's ever been on the fence about attending a giant music festival, this doesn't seem like a great selling point. But the young people are passing a bucket of whiz box above their head. That's gross. One person commented on this and said, you know, in my day we used to just fight the crowd, go to the bathroom, and then find our way back like normal people.

Speed Parishes. She said her daughter lives in Chicago and says all the locals stay home on that weekend because of, quote, the idiots that come to town. Sure, the ones passing around P over their heads. That's terrible. I want nothing to do with it. Just for the record, I looked up the main acts. Did retired Air Force Jesus get back to you?

No, but I know he said Green Day, or Green Day, Green Bay. Oh, I'm not going to Green Bay. And it looks like they might be there in October. No shows here in town? I didn't even look at that, but I remember him saying Green Bay. I looked up who's involved in this go-round for the Lollapalooza tour. Let me give you the rundown. At least these are the main headlining acts.

I'm sure there's hundreds of bands. I mean, if it's like the concert festivals that we used to put on around here, I mean, it started at 11 o'clock in the morning. You didn't go home until 1 a.m. You probably saw, what, 40 bands? So these are just the main eventors, from what I understand. You know, I'm very uneducated on new music. Lordy? Lord.

Lord? All right. Be cooler if it was Lordy. John Summitt? Not familiar. It sounds like a porn star name. John Summit? Yeah, it does.

Charlie X, C-X. There you go. She's popular, yes. That's a girl. The Smashing Pumpkins. Okay, I know them. Go. Olivia Dean.

Yeah, I don't know that one. Jenny. J-E-N-N-N-I-E. Nothing. Taint McRae? Taint McRae? She's the first. popular. You're reading that wrong.

Oh, no, no, no. She's dating one of the the twins, the hockey dudes. One of the Queens brothers? Yeah, one of those guys. Hughes. Yeah, because I just saw a video of her, like, dancing up on stage, and she's doing, like, the splits while men were, like, holding her legs up and was, like, swinging her hair in a circle, and somebody was, like, the Hughes boy, there's no way he can handle this.

Jack Hughes. Yeah, the one who did the Jack O'Callaghan bit at this year. Olympics with the missing teeth. Jack Hughes. How long has he been dating Taint McRae? I don't think it's been very long. And finally, on the list that I have in front of me, there's an act out there called the XX or the double X, anybody?

Nope. Don't know that one. I feel so old when I see those festival lineups, because I might catch the name of, like, the biggest one. I recognize that, the one that's in the biggest, boldest font. But once you get to that second tier, I'm completely lost. Yeah, I feel pretty old right now. I'm not going to lie.

This is the first time where I'm like, who are these people? And then I went to... You'll know you're old when you start to just say they can't do it anymore like they did back in the day. That's when you really get it when you don't like any of it. And then just for fun, I went all the way back to the inaugural Lollapalooza, which was 19 and 91. And I do remember the hype. I remember, you know, because I was 20 years old at the time, 21, whatever. And I remember a lot of my friends, you know, are you going to get tickets?

because I think it came to town back then. It was a big thing. It was kind of like when Monsters of Rock came to town. If you were into music. That was a huge show. Everybody wanted in, yeah. So in 19 and 91, it was Jane's addiction. There are the ones that came up with the whole deal.

That's what I heard. Coming down the mountain. Right? I love that. Josh, coming down the... I remember when they hit the scene. Yeah, that was a big deal. Susie and the Banshees. I've heard their name before, but I couldn't tell you what they ever did for us.

Nine-inch nails. This is the original Lollapalooza set up. At least the... I saw nine-inch nails once. The headliners. Very good. I saw them. I didn't get it. And... Didn't get it. Living Color. I'd like to see them live. You know, for my money, one of the most beautiful intros in any rock song I ever heard was the intro to a song by Living Color called Open letter to a landlord. All right, we got to pull it, son. Oh, where's my birthday?

There it is. Before we go, happy 37th to Brandon. 93x. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer

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