93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Foot Juice

Episode Date: June 2, 2026

Originally Aired June 2, 2026: Ashley's filthy little mouth. The Girl That Stabs the Horses. Everything you've ever wanted to know about finding a finger in your orange juice.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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And hey, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-Hapast morning show. 90. 93. Oh my goodness. Yeah, we're about to cut loose with our Tuesday program. There's no turning back now.

It is 541. The Half-Ast morning show. Josh, how you doing, son? Good. How about yourself? Oh, Christ. You know, I might need your help this morning. You have experience.

I have no parental experience. You've been in charge of a kid or two over the years, right? There's a couple there, yeah. I have no parental experience and I feel like I have to do some parenting around here. Did you know this? True story. The longest I've ever been in charge of a child

was for about two hours. It was when my brother's son was, I'm going to go ahead and say the kid was four, five, and I was put in charge of the kid for two hours. That's all the parenting experience that I've had in my lifetime. Did it go well? Yeah, it was real easy. I had to pick the kid up at a certain little.

My brother called me and said, this happened, that happened. My kid is at a park or something involved in some silly, whatever kids do at a park at four or five years. And my brother said, I can't get there. Can you go pick them up? Keep them entertained for a couple hours. I'll pick them up at your house. You know what we did? I went and picked them up smashily.

And then I took them to Ridgedale Mall. Nice. And we walked in circles at the mall. And, you know, look, toy. look, other human beings. I don't know. I just walked them around the mall and we had an ice cream cone or something. I've done that when I was in charge of kids.

We've gone to Ridgdale Mall, as a matter of fact. They've got that skydiving place and like a little ramen place or something like that. I can't remember next to it, so we've enjoyed that. Have you done the skydiving thing there? Oh, no. You haven't? No, I haven't tried. I know what you're talking about.

I fly, I think it's called. Is that still a thing? Oh, fun. It was as of a couple of years. ago at least. You stand in the middle of a... I hope so because I bought a couple extra and I want to use it. You have some tickets remaining that have yet to be used. You stand in the middle of some kind of a silo and they hit the button and the air pushes

you to the ceiling and... Yeah, I fly a world. Anyway, so, yeah, I... There was one memorable moment from when I was in charge of my nephew for two hours. This is the extent of my parenting experience. When we... I forgot the kid was only four, whatever he was. he didn't really speak my language yet.

So when he and I walked into the mall, I said, let's get something straight right from the get-go, I said to my four or five-year-old nephew. I said, we're here to check out action. Was it just the two of you? Yeah. Oh, because a young person makes a great wingman. So I bet you might have had girls swooned seeing you.

He didn't know how to play the game. I said to him, I said to him, but I said to him, we're here to check out action. He looked at me and said, what's action? And I said, well, this is going to really work out well. Well, that's a fun teaching moment. Off to a bad start. He didn't even know what I was talking about.

So anyway, that's awesome. Help me co-parent, if you would, Josh, the youngest member of our radio show. Ashley and I spent some time at Randy Shaver's charity golf tournament yesterday, and I think we need to talk to our daughter about her language. Oh, I know. Were you foul? It's so bad when I'm golfing. And I forget, I kind of forgot where I was a couple times.

You have etiquette on a golf course. You know what's funny, Josh? I even looked up, now I've lost it, but I looked up the definition of etiquette. And I was going to print it off and hand it to Ashley because she needs, hey, we've all gotten a little buck wild here and there in a setting where it wasn't quite appropriate. Yeah. But I'm telling you, my wife and I rolled out to Randy Shaver's charity golf tournament yesterday in a wonderful scene. It is beautiful Rush Creek Golf Club. Fancy, boy, it's a huge plot of land.

Yeah, that place is insane. You can drive that golf cart around for hours before you find somebody that you recognize. Because we had two tasks yesterday, my wife and I, Josh. We wanted to find Ashley and Janelle Klein and our sales pimp here, Eric. They were all golfing at the thing yesterday with clients and whatnot. not, you know, that whole smear. And I also wanted to find my buddies from the Wise Out American Legion, who were part of the fundraising golf game.

Took us a while to find. First, we found Ashley and Janelle and Eric. Yeah, you had a drive for 10 miles. Right. It's a huge. It's ridiculous. But, you know, it's this serene setting. You know, I almost have as little experience with golf as I do with children.

But there's one thing that I do know. you know, it ain't a beer hall, right? This ain't a Skinner's show. You know, you got to carry yourself a certain way. And maybe that's wrong from the get-go. But anyway, Josh, we meet up with Ashley and Janelle and Eric. They're in the process of teeing off or whatever. Hey, everybody, go ahead, tee off.

We're just going to watch within 10 minutes, Josh. Ashley dumped two and loudly two F-Me's. two skull f's, two FUs, which were directed at me, and the S word. Well, I got to say, first, I like that you dumped it down from your usual demeanor. That's good. I will say since that was your part of your foursome that Nick described, probably it's better than what I thought you were kind of stuck with some of the rich folks out there. You know, a lot of times they'll parry up with that. So you got people that know you pretty well.

Well, no, though. There were two clients there that did not know. Oh, you didn't mention that. I thought I did say clients. We were pretty well established by that point, though. So I felt more loose. And Thane's are a little bit more loose during a scramble. Big time.

You know, compared to if you're just out there regular golf, and I wouldn't be cussing. Ashley, if you were playing Rush Creek with some strange, you know, you get paired up with a four or some on a regular Tuesday. You wouldn't behave like that. I wouldn't even speak to them. It's completely different. laws during these charity scrambles.

Yeah, you kind of just do your thing. It was this, Josh. She tees off. Dude, I was. Right? Then the ball goes, by the way, you're not nearly the talented golfer that you claimed to be yesterday. Dude, I did absolutely terrible yesterday.

So it was like this. Wapa. She hits the golf ball. F me! Yep. Dude, it was so bad yesterday. I don't think I've ever played that bad of golf in my life. Be fair, you were just, you just had a kid.

Yeah, but I'm usually drinking when I'm golfing. Two of those. in a row. Two F-Me's in a row. Now comes her next shot, Josh, where there's a little more of some light touch involved than possibly maybe chipping it up onto the green. She

huapah and she kind of just hit the top of the ball and it just dribbled and she does this. She says this. I scull-evpped it. Okay, long pause, total silence. No one reacted to what she said so she said it again. I scull-effed

it. And my wife goes, oh no, she needs to watch her language. Well, if it makes you feel better, Ashley, the first time I ever heard Randy Schaver was a swear was at that event. Yeah. I didn't know he knew swear words. It gets to you.

So he was throwing some out there, too. I hadn't said a word. Stupid game. I hadn't said one critical word to Ashley yet. Just watching. I just knew. I knew it. All right?

So I hear the two F-mees. I hear the two skull Fs. Her next shot, she blows that one, too, and she looks at me, points at me and says, F you. I can see it on your face. I was just sitting there. You were going to say something. We had a good time.

We had a good time. But you might need to clean up the language a little bit. Yeah, it was awesome golfing with Janelle. That was a very, and everybody else too, of course. Who were the clients if you don't might see Janelle? Dave Belke and I think I'm saying that last name correctly. Beelke. Beelke, thank you.

A personal injury lawyer? Is that Randy Schaeber does ads for him here on the program? That sounds right. And then somebody that he either worked with or just knew through being a lawyer. through being a lawyer. His buddy named Corey, yeah. Oh, yeah, I think you're fine there. Oh, it was fun to watch.

Etiquette. You kept it real. Yeah. I've been that guy, absolutely, you know, at different settings. I probably misbehaved a couple times at Randy Shaver's past golf tournament charity type events. Oh, churches, yeah, I've been the guy that was a little too loud. You know, you go to church.

Our mom used to force us to go to church, and my brother and I didn't always behave properly because we did not want to be there at all. Yeah, a little bit too loud with the cussing at a ball game and whatnot. You know, sometimes there's kids around, and the families get offended. So you're far from alone. I was more entertained than anything by her very loud and foul language on the golf course.

If I was playing better, I wouldn't have been cussing like that. Yeah. That's the problem. There you go. Well, I'm glad you had a good time. You said you're a little sore today. Yeah, I am. I'm not used to doing that much physical activity.

Actually, when I got home, my husband was downstairs in the living room and he watched me walk in. He was like, you're a little sore because I was like limping. Are you serious? You nap. How many? Naff. My kids call me that. What is that?

A non-athletic F. Oh. Do you play. 18? I forget what they play there. And life. Yeah. You play 18. Yeah, you just start on like random holes, though.

Because it's a scramble. Yep. You know. Yeah. Did you get a chance to meet anybody else out there from the show maybe? Meaning like Marcus or Zach Perrizi. Were they still there by the time you got? No, I wish.

Gosh. They played the morning and they were Gonskys by the time I got there. Gonskies by the time you got there, I'm sure, too. Yeah, that would have been awesome. Or again, it's such a huge. effing golf course that, you know, they might have been right next door to you. You can't even tell. Yeah, exactly.

So there you go. It turned out to be a nice night. It was absolutely beautiful out. That helped quite a bit. I'm pretty sure I'm some burnt absolutely everywhere. Yeah, it got a little, it got a little warm. I did not expect that. Janelle wore pants.

I said, no, it's actually funny because as soon as she got there. She wore like spandex. Yeah, as soon as she got there, she was like, I did not know. in the 80s. I messed up. Ah, man. Well, my Legion buddies, I did end up running into the four of them. Any of them

good golfers? Oh, yeah, they're all very good. They're so fun. Yeah, they golf all the effing time. I actually thought, you know, I still think that if they really wanted to, they probably could win the tournament. That's how good those four guys are. One of them has damn near been a club professional, you know, a few times, but he keeps missing the cuts.

That sounds impressive to me, but I know nothing about golf. That's pretty cool. Someone might text in and say anybody can damn. I'm just saying, from what I know about golf and the stories I hear about, these guys are very good. Big Al, Dougie, Lanahan, and Waterloo. I found those boys, too, out there. Waterloo, isn't he a golf, bro? See, that's the guy I was talking about.

He is or he isn't or he damn near was. I don't remember. He teaches it. Yeah, I thought that's what a golf pro was. Maybe that's not the case. Because a friend of mine taught at a golf course, and I thought that was his title. Yeah, that's usually the case, Josh. I know so little about it.

So, yeah, don't go by my word. But it was really cool. They got paired up, and they were three. because they're all my age, they got paired up to golf with all-time great Minnesota North Star and a great guy who I had prior dealings with. Gordy Roberts.

Really? Yeah. Did they know that ahead of time? No, they did not know until they got there. Matter of fact, they only asked me 75 times between, I don't know, a month ago we found out that they were going to be in the tournament, my Legion buddies.

they probably asked me 100 times, who are we going to be paired up with? Who are we going to be golfing with? Who's it going to be? Is it going to be like a TV lady? Is it going to be an athlete? I don't know. So they were very excited about,

they asked me over and over again, who were they going to be paired up with? And I said, I don't have a frigging clue. Why don't you keep asking me? They were very thrilled. They were absolutely thrilled that it was Gordy Roberts. That is really cool. How's he looking these days?

Oh, unbelievable. Gordy, he still talks and walks, and he just, he's a young guy still to me when you see him and you talk to him really because he's got to be close to 70 right he's getting in that wheelhouse absolutely oh you wouldn't be able to tell and i like i said i had met gordy a few times actually played some hockey with him he didn't remember and i didn't didn't expect him to but uh yeah what a perfect pairing because all my legion bros are old north star fans from when we were kids um that was cool i got a fun gordy robert story i i uh

I told this to him yesterday on the golf course. I don't think he remembered. And again, I don't blame him. But a number of years ago, I was playing in one of those charity hockey tournaments that I was lucky enough to get invited to a handful of times over the years where it's half old pros and half media dorks. And on this particular occasion, Gordy and I were defensemen on the same team. And I think Chris Dahlquist was there, too. another former North Star was part of our defensive unit.

And there was a weather guy there. Television weather guy was part of our four defensemen unit. A guy by the name of Carl Spring. He was a really nice guy. Do you remember the name at all, Josh? It sounds familiar. I think he worked when there was still. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The weather guy. When there was still something called Channel 29, I think that was his. If anyone knows Carl, he's a very, very nice guy. And I'm sure he probably doesn't remember because this has got to be 15 years ago now, but Carl Spring. Are you finding anything? Okay, yeah, I recognize his face. Let me see. I'll look at his.

Yeah, I thought it was. If I can find Wikipedia or something. At the time, Tim Pawlenty was governor and he was playing hockey with us. He was a big hockey player. A lot of other old Dougie Wug was out there. I mean, Kent Herback, all these Minnesota athletes, and then media dorks like myself. So if anyone knows Carl Spring, tell him I had a real good time playing hockey with him that day, and he was a really friendly guy.

But here was the problem. He didn't like to come off the ice. So Carl Spring goes out there on defense, and, you know, two minutes go by, four minutes, six minutes. He won't come off the ice to switch up. Gordy Roberts is the one who's switching up with Carl Spring. I, being Gordy's defensive partner, I personally. probably came on and off the ice three times. Gordy hadn't taken the ice yet because Carl Spring won't come off the ice.

What a dark. Maybe he just didn't understand the concept of changing on the fly. So as I'm, you know, during the times when I was sitting on the bench next to Gordy, Gordy's like this as Carl would skate by. Hey, Carl, let's switch him up there, buddy, right? And then Carl would come by again. Hey, Carl, let's go, bud. Switch him up.

I'm telling you, the guy wouldn't come off the ice. finally, after seven or eight minutes, you hear this out of Gordy as Carl Spring skates by. Hey, Iron Lung! Get off the ice, give someone else a chance. I had never heard that before. Iron Lung was the name he called them. Those were fun times playing in those charity games, though. Yeah, that sounds like such a blast.

Oh, God, yeah, I mean, got to skate with some, I mean, skate with guys that I fawned all over when I was a kid. old North Stars and whatnot. Who's this? Now, Gordy Roberts, a listener says Gordy Roberts, was my Elk River High School Hockey coach? I didn't know Gordy taught. Taut is in the word.

I didn't know Gordy coach. How psyched would you be for that? High school hockey, yeah. Looks like Carl Spring was at Channel 5, Channel 9. Kind of bounced around a little bit. In Duluth right now, it looks like. He's got a lot of stamina out on the ice. He does not need to come off the ice.

Wack F. we were referring, I was telling the story earlier of Ashley golfing, she would swing and then curse and then swing and then curse. And a few people texted in to say, yeah, that's what golf is. It's a good old-fashioned game, a whack-f. You go whack at it, then you dump an F-bomb. Yeah, I did have one good shot yesterday. Yeah.

And that shot right there just keeps you coming back. That's all it takes is one. You know you can do it. Is that really all it takes? Yep. So despite all the bad, that one great shot makes you tell yourself, okay, I can get back out there. Yep, I did once I left. I was like, I really need to golf some more.

Well, that's good that you want to go back out. I would hate to think that yesterday would ruin your love of the game. I personally don't understand the draw of golf. But if that one good shot gets you going back, well, then good for you. You're right, though, Ashley. You can play 17 awful holes and have a great drive on 18. and you're like, hell yeah. I had a great round today.

That was awesome. Let's go. Bowling's kind of the same way. Absolutely, Josh. Now, that's a sport that I can get involved in bowling. Have you had that game, Josh, where it was bad, bad, bad, and then you have one good turn and you want to go out and buy your own ball and shoes and everything? Definitely.

Yeah. I've had the opposite. I had the game of my life once, and I had two really bad ones, and I thought, I'm done. I'm out of this game. This sucks. A few listeners have been texting and wanting to hear more about Janelle in spandex. Calm down.

She might swing by the studio Friday. Oh, that'd be awesome. I'm sure there's photos. I mean, they take a lot of pictures out there. Yeah, there's actually a photo of our group on the 93X Facebook. I'm not saying...

Can you send that? I don't have Facebook. I'm not saying Jack Ola about Janelle and her spandex other than she was wearing it. Yes. You have etiquette. Etiquette. Which Ashley needs to learn.

Yeah, I can't relate. I have golfed once or twice, never enjoyed it. But I know about that shot you're talking about. It can be all bad until you have one great shot and it, uh, it didn't light any kind of a fire in me to where I wanted to go back. Um, but many years ago, I don't know what the hell I was doing out there. But it was one of these deals. Oh, I'm going to say we were 60, 70, 80 yards away from the hole, right? So it was one of these deals where you want to give it a little. little loft, right? Yep. And have that some bitch, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, drop onto the green.

Knowing nothing about the game, I asked, matter of fact, I think this was Waterloo, again, my pal who is an excellent golfer, one of a few of my pals who are excellent golfers, Waterloo, who may or may not be a club pro, I feel bad, he's one of my oldest friends. I don't even know if he's a pro or not. Lou was with me, Waterloo was with me. And he was the one who told me what club to use, and so I lined it up, and I swung. And I actually looked behind me because I had no idea what I had done. I thought I had maybe missed the ball completely. When I was following through on my swing, I thought maybe I had popped it straight up,

or it maybe had gone behind me. Yeah. So I looked behind me, and then I hear the crowd go, oh! Well, I guess what I had done completely accidentally is loft that ball straight up in the air. landed on the green, a little hoppy hop, landed in the hole. You're amazing. So I had that one completely out of control lucky shot. That's so cool.

It didn't get me interested in the game. Really? Dude, that would keep me coming back forever. But it was completely accidental. Yeah, I suppose. Had I followed through and it just felt so pure and I watched that ball track, I didn't know where it had gone until the crowd roared. So a little different experience.

Ah, there you go. But bowling, Josh, all you got to do is ask me. Been a while for me. I'll go out there and bowl with you. Maybe not that long. Speaking of being sore, though. I mean, you will be sore the next day. That is humbling when you're sore for bowling or playing ping pong.

Yeah. Your body's just not used to that. Damn me or anything can do that to you. Yeah. At this point in life. Um, big toe Jesus texted in on the game of golf. It's a lot like a relationship. It's fun at first.

You try real hard and it still goes to hell. Yeah. I can see the comparison there. It is just, it's one of those things that, yeah, it does suck because you can try so, so hard and still suck. Here's a guy who texted in. He's got a hole in one in his career. Nice. I wish.

Wow, okay. Again, for the third or fourth time, I don't speak the language. I know absolutely nothing about golf. But here's what he says. I have a hole in one. I am plus 14,000 in the rest of my golf career, but I do have a hole in one.

So he sucks other. So kind of like my story. Was it a completely lucky shot? Sounds like it was. I was golfing once with the kids, and one of them, one of their friends is 16. He got a hole in one. And it was awesome.

The entire golf course was super pumped. Everybody was buying him slurpees back at the clock. Yeah, I was going to say, did he buy a round at the bar for everybody? No, they bought him slurpees. That's really cool. I came very close, and I used to golf alone all the time because, you know, there's nobody else to golf with after, like noon in the middle of the week. And I would come so close.

There was this one hole at this golf course I went to all the time, and I would come so close to a hole in one on it sometimes. and I'm like, I don't want to because nobody was there. And so nobody was going to believe me if I was like, yeah, I got a hole in one. Big gut tow truck, Jesus. First time he ever went to a driving range. He swung the club and he hit his cousin right in the temple with the golf club. Oh, no.

At a driving range, I hit a guy with the ball. That was pretty embarrassing. Well, what do you mean? Where was this guy standing? Yeah. Next to him, the lane next to me. So basically what I did is it had like, little dividers, right?

And I hit the left divider and went right. Dude, I'm so afraid of that. For a split second, I thought about not taking credit for it because, I mean, there were so many people there. It could have came from anywhere. But eventually, well, very quickly, I admitted that was me. It was one of my first times. Actually, maybe it was my first time at a driving range.

You're meaning to drive. And it went straight left, bounced off, and went right into that guy. Mm. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is fun. someone here has texted in and they're quoting a line from quoting a line from Lou Nanny's book or one of Lou Nanny's books. I got one right here.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Don't we have one of those? Yeah, a passion to win. Lou Nanny. Maybe he's written more than one. I should try to look this up. That's from a buddy of mine. Yes, a friend of yours gifted this book to me.

Awesome. And the book is autographed by Lou Nanny. Very nice. Who was this friend, Josh? Joe. Oh, Joe. Not the Joe, you know a different Joe. Oh, different Joe.

Oh, okay. So anyway, here's a listener. Speaking of Gordy Roberts, who was at Randy's tournament yesterday, and one of my favorite all-time North Stars, and he was golfing with my four Legion buddies. Listener texted in with a quote from Lou Nanny's book, where Lou talked about acquiring Gordy Roberts in a trade. And the other GM, whoever that was, said,

Well, Lou, you fleeced me on this trade because Gordy has the best-looking wife in the league. Ah, man, the old days. Oh, wow. What else is going on today? Oh, we're expecting to see, we're expecting to have an encounter with C. Willie Miles later on today. Tuesday is usually when C. Willie wanders in. He had a great set Sunday night, a great comedy set Sunday night at Randy's fundraiser gala at Medina ballroom. He had the crowd rolling. I think they really loved it.

It was so good. You mentioned that's the first time you'd seen him live? Yeah, and I loved it. Yeah, he's awesome. I couldn't breathe a couple times. He's so good on stage. And he's a good pal of the program we always love when he comes wandering in. Oh, shut up. Short but fat cheeses. She just texted in a cute joke. She said, if I ever want to be a golfer, which I don't. But she says if I ever wanted to,

I should take my tips from Adam Sandler. I tried to buy the limited edition Adam Sandler Happy Gilmore Hockey Stick Golf Club when it came out for the second one, but it was sold out immediately. Oh, I bet. That'd be awesome. I'd hang that on the wall. I wanted to buy it for my oldest,

but immediately it was gone. I bet. Yeah, Cubby knows I got in trouble for bringing out and using a golf. That's not how I wanted to say. that I got in trouble for bringing with and then using a hockey stick as a golf club many years ago. I packed one into the golf bag. We were doing a charity tournament.

And I was using the hockey stick. And it was fun. Way more fun than using a freaking stupid golf club. The guy you were upset there, I think the axe you also brought made it a little worse. Oh, I had an axe also in case I needed to clear out some, you know, a wooded area. Yeah, absolutely. You have to come prepared. Had an axe and a hockey stick in my golf bag and Father Time, the golf cop, whoever he was out there, the Gulf Ranger who was 3,09 years old.

He did not think that was funny. But he got over it. And he's likely gone now. So you win. He holds no authority over me anymore. Right, I win. All right. So we expect to see Willie Miles a little bit later on.

I might as well get going in the right direction. Usually what comes around next is the stupid news. We'll be back in a few minutes on the half-ass morning. show. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters?

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Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. How do I save money? Most people give you the cliche answer. Stop buying avocado toast. But they're missing the point. Saving tactics usually focus on discretionary spending. If you want to actually move the needle, you have to look at your fixed costs. Your rent, your mortgage, your car payment.

To change these, you might have to move or sell your car. And that's why people don't do it. If you want small wins, focus on the avocado toast. But if you want meaningful change, focus on the fixed costs. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Yeah, you know, we don't mind.

We don't mind at all. Living vicariously through our listening audience, here's a text message from two pumps and a squeeze Jesus, who says, good morning, butt munchers. Today is my Friday. Nothing else matters. I would agree.

Hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind, bro, if we kind of live vicariously through you, if we fantasize today that we are two pumps and to squeeze Jesus because, damn, I wish today was my Friday. Nothing else matters. He's got a week of vacation, which starts tomorrow. That's great. And he says he thinks he's earned it. I bet he has.

Two pumps and this. squeeze, that's all you get. And you know what, Cubby, I bet despite only two pumps in the squeeze, I bet he gets you coming back for more. He must. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. If he knows that's his regular,

he knows they're coming back. All right, the stupid news, huh? I'll tell you what. If you want it, do you want it? I want it. You got it. I'm all set over here with a fresh

fresh batch of nonsense beginning with foot juice mardi out it's a good way to start the morning little eggs a little toast little foot juice little coca-tola I don't think I've ever heard of that foot juice I haven't either I can tell you this if foot juice

is really what it sounds like you don't want any of my homemade freshly squeezed foot juice yours would be really gross if everybody here not knowing what everybody's feet are like I would probably choose yours last. Not that I imagine any batch of foot juice would be enjoyable. I'm just saying my feet should be your last resort in that department. But at the same time, now, I'm not even sure what foot juice is.

So let's just try to keep going here. But, you know, I was having, I was progressing with my feet. Like, say, last summer. They were getting better? Yeah, I was, you know, I would hack it. at them with a with a like a stone, you know?

Oh yeah, pumice stone? Yeah, that sounds right, Dana. Some kind of thing. They got a handle on it and I kind of rake it by the bat. Oh, yeah. They were getting better.

Yeah, pumice stone sounds right. But now I haven't done. I think they look greatly improved actually from a couple years ago. How about the nails? Those were kind of gross. Yeah, they're pretty bad. Are they still bad?

Just got to paint them. Paint my nails? Yeah, and for some reason, like nail polish on your toes last forever. I don't know what the deal is, but like you could paint them and then you probably don't have to paint them for like three months. Would you ever get a pedicure?

I did once. It was horrible. Oh, you didn't. Oh, it's right. So tickly. Yeah, I think you remember you saying that. Oh, oh, it was painful, horrible, tickly. Oh, what? Because they scrape it? Oh, Jesus, balls. They went to town on your feet. Josh, they beat the piss out of my feet. It was horrible. And also, like, what's your name? Ashley mentioned tickle.

They probably, when you sat down, they probably took it as like a challenge. Like, I'm in a making this guy's beat. It was very much like the classic scene from Dumb and Dumber. There were sparks flying. It was just horrible. I don't know how the lady put up with it. I don't know why I agreed to it.

But on the spot, I decided this has never happened to me. I'm never allowing this again. They saw your feed and they immediately calling the closer the old vet from the back. You know, only one person can tackle this job. Yeah, they called in some old blind lady from the back. Bring in the specialized tools that don't get used too often. We got to shut down the shop for this job. We can't have the general public.

in here to see this go down. When I scrape the backs, the balls of my feet with that, it's like a stone with a handle on it. I mean, it looks like a what do you call these things. You do this, you shake them up. A shake weight? And then the snow falls. Snow globe? Snow globe. It looked like a

snow globe. Gross. With the falling dead skin. You know, I always start humming a Christmas tune when I scrape the backs of my feet. It's so gross. The snow plot, the little miniature snowplot. come cruising into my bathroom to plow the roads free of all that snow. The salt trucks come out. But it was working, huh? I thought that the appearance of my feet have improved since last summer when I was really

working at it. Now summer in the winter, of course, I put them away in a pair of socks. You know, I don't even look at my feet in the winter. But now that summer is back, I'll try to get back on the task. So, you know, none of you are, you know, sickened by the sight of them. Because I do wear flip-flops in the summer. I enjoy I don't enjoy tennis shoes and whatnot.

Like you guys know that. Here's the problem, though. You brought up painting my nails. If I did that, Ashley, oh, it would probably greatly improve the appearance of my feet. But if I painted my toenails, it would go like this.

I would walk into the American Legion. Oh, yeah. My friends would see my painted toenails. They would beat me unconscious, and then I think my radio career would be over. Yeah, you're better off just having gross toes. Better off having gross toes. Crocs with socks, Jesus.

Speaking of feet, he texted in and said the last time I had a pedicure, he says. Wow, so you've had more than one, you're tough. He said the lady was hacking away at my leathery foot skin. And I swear I heard her say to herself under her breath, Jesus effing Christ. Yeah, she probably did. Never had one. Fated an x-ray. Jesus wants to know if when I was scraping the dead skin off my feet,

if it looked like a cheese grater, like dried out mozzarella. Yes, it did. My wife goes often and says there's plenty of dudes that go do that kind of thing. I don't know if they're getting their nails painted. Now, my wife really wants me to get a pedicure with her. I wouldn't get my nails painted, but... Why? I just mean it's not for me.

No, I'm sorry. Oh, why did she want to get a pedicure? I don't know. She thinks I'd like it. She thinks the thing would be a fun bonding experience. That's what I was told, too. Oh, you'll like it. I didn't like any of it.

Not because she thought your feet were gross. Oh, now I think about it. Yeah, maybe there's an ulterior motive there, Josh. 100%. Oh, really? You don't think it's just a shared experience? I actually hate going to get pedicures with people or like manicures. Because like the lady's like, I don't know.

The lady's doing her job. She probably has to ask me some questions and I'm trying to relax. Like I don't want to talk to anybody. Don't they like give you a massage and stuff? I thought my wife said you get like. It depends like where you go, how much you. pay for. I usually skip all the extra stuff

because I don't, I'm not a huge fan of people touching my feet. I'm just very ticklish. They did everything. I've never been in pain before, Nick. That's alarming. Everything about it hurt and it was uncomfortable and like we said for now the third time it tickled. Josh, yes, at the end they gave me some stupid massage which I just was praying it would end. The whole thing was deceptively quick Jesus texted. I'd be weird about it. Here's you're probably right. Deceptively

quick, Jesus. He thinks when I had my one pedicure, they got one look at the horror that are my feet. They beat the piss out of my feet so I would never come back. Yeah, you're probably right. They didn't want to see me again. I didn't want to see them again. The feeling was mutual. Ashley, I wonder if they make some sort of nail polish that looks just like normal nails to replace kind of what Nick has, just to get rid of the yellow tint. Yes. So you wouldn't be able to tell? Yeah, they definitely have that. They have what? I'm sorry? Like a nail polish that just makes it look like.

They just repair what you got going on, but it just looks like toes that would be a little more normal. Oh, Cubby, I've got all kinds of kits at home that I've bought over the years, but then never acted on that are supposed to repair your nail, take the gross yellow coloring out of it. They've got all those products, Josh. I just have never taken the time to attack that. I'm good with the dead skin scraping because that takes 20 seconds. But all that, you know, tedious, you know, applying this kind of ooze at the base of your toenails. That all takes time and I don't have the patience for that. Oh, people are saying there's fake toenails you can glue on that will look a little more normal.

Again, I'm going to get my ass kidding. Get some French tips. I don't want to get. I've got buddies just recently that are telling me a list of cars I could get where they wouldn't be friends. with me anymore. So I can't imagine if I showed up with painted toned. Is it long? Is it a long loose? It's quite a few. I'll take, I'll go with my ugly feet over getting my skull kicked in by some Vietnam vets at the Wies at a Legion. All right. The subject matter here is foot juice, but we still haven't learned what that is. What I have here for you.

A lot of people texting in Kenny Loggins lyrics, by the way, when you say foot juice. Here we go, foot juice. Bust it out. I can't remember how the Kenny Logging song goes. Kick off your Sunday shoes. There you go. Right, foot juice. We got a couple of cosplay characters.

Have any of you ever gotten involved in the cosplay community? I haven't. I've seen it. Certainly walk by some conventions. You get into costume, right? You run around town in college. Maybe I don't even understand what cosplay is, but our first story here goes like this.

Two cosplay gals. They made an appearance this past weekend at some type of convention in San Jose, California. They call it Faname Khan. All right. This convention's been up and running since 19 to 94. And by damn, they draw around 30,000 people for Faname Khan, whatever that is. So two cosplay gals were at the event. and they're a set in there, and they're holding a sign that said fresh foot juice.

They also had a big fat-ass cooler with some red liquid in there. Maybe it was Kool-Aid. For 10 bucks or so, cosplay fans could come on up to these two gals, take a knee, and the gals would pour a glass of that red liquid over their feet and then into the mouths of the thirsty fans. Like, say, back in the day when you, You might have done a body shot off a stripper or something like that. Instead of licking that drink off the stripper's boobs or belly,

in this case, the people were licking that Kool-Aid drink off these gals' little feats. I don't like it. I don't have a foot. I don't know if it's fair to say phobia that like you do, Ashley, you hate feet. But this was pretty gross watching that. I don't think I could do that. Yeah, I don't need to see.

So that's foot juice. Yeah, the list of foot juice, I do. drink is pretty limited. Oh, really? Anna Kendrick, is she on that list? She's on that. That's the first one that came to mind. What about Anna's Kendrick? If she offered me some... Phlam? Excuse me. If she offered me some foot juice, I might be a taker. Dana, would you like some foot juice? And then that's what Anna Kendrick would say to you. And then you would say, yes, would you like some phlegm? Because I got plenty of it these days. Maybe they'll take care of that you drink some of her aqua theta. And that would take

care of that flem of yours. Seriously. So if she, truthfully, if she offered that to you, you'd say yes. I don't know. I mean, it's hard to say because that scenario never happened. But sure, for the story, yeah, I think I'd do it. It says here, for $10 to $15 in trade, if you were at this Fanamee con in San Jose with the two gals selling foot juice,

for about $10 to $15 in trade, you could suck the juice off their toes and whatnot. I don't know why the price varied, but it did. Yeah. Ain't that a hell of a deal? Something for everyone out there. Yeah, go. Go make that money, I guess.

It's kind of funny. I like that they call it foot juice. So the gals, they did make a few bucks letting strangers deep throat their toes. Couldn't that make a player awful sick? I don't know. I would imagine. Consume athletes' foot?

Does that get somebody sick? Athletes foot in your throat? Is that even possible? That would be terrible. Well, what is foot in mouth disease? Oh, the thing that kids get all the time? Is that from foot juice or foot? skin or foot fungus getting into your mouth.

Is that what it is? I guess I'm not sure. I just know that if you have a gnarly case, it looks absolutely disgusting. I thought that it's just where you saw it. But yeah, I don't know if you transfer one to the other. Yeah, I don't know. By the way, people are saying they would agree with you, Dana, Anna Kendrick. Poo-Poo's and Pee-P's Jesus said,

named the fluid from Anna, he'll take it. He doesn't care what it is. He's not picky. Nope. I don't think I've ever had anyone's foot in my mouth. A lot of folks are into that. I've never had a foot in my mouth. That's one of those things where if you're into feet,

it seems like you're really into feet. Yeah. At least for folks I know or stories we read, it's never really somebody. It's like, ah, you know, it's okay. I feel like I'm kind of rare, though, because I'm very foot neutral. I'm not sexually attracted to feet, but I'm not grossed out by them like a lot of people are.

Because like you mentioned with people who like feet, Josh, there's the opposite, people who hate feet and are absolutely repulsed by them. I'm going to go ahead also, Dana. I'm going to join you over there. I'm going to declare myself foot neutral. I don't love them. I don't hate them. I never really think about them, obviously.

And that's part of my problem, is that I never think about my feet. I never think that they need to be cared for. And it shows. Have you ever met somebody, though, that was kind of into him? No. It's usually one way or the other, or yeah, right, right in the middle. middle where he doesn't enter your mind. I've never met anyone who was sexually attracted

to feet at all. Never heard word one about it. You have? Oh yes. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Guy friend of yours? Yeah. Still a friend? Yes. Stella friend. I was just wondering if you could ask him questions. I would be so curious if I were you.

I guess, yeah. I never really asked him too many. He explained a couple things you can do with feet. Let's see. What's this? Oh, he explains some things you could do with them? I can picture. I've seen him in movies. Big fat cheeses. He said he thinks there's probably less bacteria on your feats than there are on your genitalia.

I don't know, maybe. I don't know anything about that kind of thing. So, you know, mine are pretty bad as we've established over and over again. But still, I think I'm in pretty good shape compared to a kid that I grew up with. I mean, this was the wildest dude in our neighborhood. he totally lost his mind unfortunately but he was the source of just about every over-the-top moment we had between the times we were 10 until we were 30 years old just a living legend had a pool his folks had a pool and I don't know why but he quite often jumped in and

out of that pool with his shoes and socks on. I don't know why he did that. And it had an awful effect on his feet. And one day he jumped in and out of that pool with his shoes and socks on. We're horsing around at his house all day long. We were probably 16 or 17 years old, drinking beers. We had a bunch of gals over at the time of our lives. After everybody left, it was just him and I at the house. And he finally peels off his tennis shoes and his socks, which had been wet dry, wet dry, wet dry, on and off all day long. And of course, this wasn't the first time he had been in and out of the pool all day. I could not believe what I was seeing.

The bottoms of his feet were completely as white as this sheet of paper. And there were moguls like bubbles of skin. And he grabbed some loose skin like on the bottoms of his feet and peeled a perfect sheet. of skin off of the bottom of his feet. That's satisfying. Peeled a perfect layer. When he placed it on the carpeting, it was the perfect shape of the bottom of his feet with his toes. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, it's like his own little foot mask. It looked like a footprint. A snake. Yuck. It sounds nice.

It didn't look nice. It maybe felt nice for him. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. And that was just one dead layer. I think he had about three or four hundred to go to get to where his actual feet began. It makes it better, but a very good friend of mine and I were roommates in college. We were already friends from high school. His feet were awful. Worst I've ever been around to the point where the RA had to talk to him about it, saying you've got to get something done because, I mean, honestly, the floor,

our whole floor smelled like his feet. And so he ended up going to the doctor, and they fixed it. I don't know what they ended up doing, but his feet looked like SpongeBob. There were yellow holes all over. It was some sort of something burrowing into his feet, this thing. I know those holes. holes. Oh, you've seen that before, too? I've seen those holes. I mean, it's the worst ever. Two out of three of our kids, their feet reek, but this is on another level.

It's like his feet were dying or something. They can go wrong. They can. If you don't care for them, they can go wrong. Just ask me, I'll tell you. Big, not big, but bad timing, Jesus says, you only kind of toes going into my yap or camel toes. Here's a guy now. In World War I, they called that trench foot cubby, according to The CFH base player, Jesus, trench foot. Oh, really? I've heard that before. I've seen...

That's a lot cooler than... I've seen documentaries about World War I and World War II, even Vietnam, where, you know, these poor bastards are stuck in a foxhole for days and they can't care for themselves at all. I mean, it's life or death, right? And their feet are wet and sweaty in those boots and they rot away. Horrible. They can barely walk after a while. Okay, here's a guy.

I can't imagine this buddy. in the military though, like outside of being on the front lines of Operation Human Shield, just taking bullets for other people. Wasn't necessarily the most intimidating or toughest guy on the planet. Everyone's texting in about their breakfast. Okay, stop it. You should know by now not to eat breakfast between about 630 and 7.15. Yeah.

That's your fault. It's your fault. So you're saying it's no longer on us, Ash, the system. No. Get it together. It's been long enough. Stop trying to eat breakfast during this portion of the show. Not our problem anymore. It's like, all right, I'm going to have dinner.

I'll just fire up human centipede. Come on. What are you doing? You should know by now. Hey, boy, I could use some lunch. Anybody got any videos of pet surgery? Because I could use some lunch at this point. I like this conversation.

It's not us. It's you. If you really want to get hip to hip, speaking of getting sick all over yourself, right? If you really want to get hip to hip with the new guy, and both of you can go off to the corner and puke your guts out, if that's what you want, go ahead and look at the pictures of the dude. Oh, speaking of Vietnam, that's where this guy's from.

He's got the world record disgusting 19 foot long fingernails. I could look at terrible foot disease pictures all, day long before I want to look at, I've always been just sickened by the long fingernail people. I'm talking like the world record long fingernail people like we used to see in the stupid Guinness book of world record. This guy's got the new record. 19 foot, six inch long fingernails. How do you do anything?

You can't. You literally, you don't. I don't understand it, Josh. It's so disgusting. I hate him. says this guy works as a scaffolder for a living. How? I don't get that. I'm sure his coworkers hate him because he probably separates himself from any difficult task. I'm sure his coworkers are tired of this song and dance.

They see him every day. He's supposed to be helping out. But, oh, well, no, I've got my world record fingernails. I'm just going to have to hang out over here, boys, while you work on the... Wouldn't you be tempted to run over and just crack them off? Yes. Because I imagine they're probably pretty brittle. Dude hasn't cut his fingernails in 30 years. Come on.

Just do it, dude. That's, oh, there's probably so much stuff under there. I like to have mine so trimmed that I basically bleeding every time. I can't do that. I have to go under the pads. Really? Dude, I could never do that. Jesus, what, you got some kind of an obsession or something?

I think it was just like growing up playing guitar. It seemed to get in the way. And, yeah, I just don't like it. I mean, I'm exaggerating. I don't get that low where I'm killing my fingers. but yeah, I like to get it under the patch. Mine would get a little out of control. Just the other day I realized my fingernails were a little long

because I was lying on the couch doing nothing and I had a little it under my eye and I, you know, scratched at it. Now, ow! I mean, I literally cut myself with my stupid dirty fingernails. Anyway. Like watching my wife type on her phone and type, she's got longer nails. It just seems like such a pain. No, you just use the side of your thumb.

Yeah, she's always, her hand's always in like weird positions. to try and type. You know this guy with the world record fingernails out there in Vietnam. You know what his name is, right? Leu. Of course. Leu, he says here now. I mean, he needs to be pulled aside, right?

Someone who's close with Laot. They need to tell him, we get it. You're the best. You set the record. Now, let's put a lid on this crap and get over it. Get back to a real life. Laotu says his nails are now longer than the height of an average adult giraffe. He has other words.

weird comments here. I don't understand what Le'Uu is talking about. He said if I were to trim them, I'd feel really uncomfortable and exhausted, both mentally and physically. Huh? I don't know. How does somebody help you? I don't know why he says, listen to this.

Now, Leu also, he says, if it rains, I have to keep them dry. If they get wet, they will soften and fall off. When I'm in a crowded place, if someone bumps into them, they might get broken, so I have to protect them. Yes, yes. That's not exhausting?

That seems a lot worse than just the one-time trim in your name. Yeah. When was the last time you think La-U was intimate with a woman? Well, I can tell you one activity they probably don't do. Oh, sure. Maybe she's into that. Yeah, cut me up. Yep.

La-oo. Feel bad for anybody whose name is Lou. Somebody heard this story, and from now on, they are La-U at the job site. Here's a guy who says, I always leave my pinky nail long for shoveling purposes. You see that? Yeah. Yeah, my pinky nails, for some reason, I don't know, probably just because I never use my pinkies. They usually grow a lot longer than my other nails.

And so I have to stay on top of that or else, yeah, I look like I do coke. Yeah, the old long pinky nail. Or you would keep, shoot, what figure? I think it was your pointer finger? for rolling blunts or rolling joints. Hmm. Laser sheet. Oh, thumbnails.

Your thumbnails, duh. I had to do the motion with my hand to remember what nails. What are we talking about? I've never heard that before. If you had a long thumbnail that meant you were doing what? If you kept your thumbnails long, it means you were rolling blunts or rolling joints. It would help quite a bit to have longer fingernails in that situation. Rizzolin blizonts?

Yep. Back to feet. and the sexual nature of feet, if there is any. I mean, I don't see that, but there are those who, laser sheet metal Jesus says it's not the foot, but getting my big toe sucked on is awesome.

I don't know if I'd be comfortable. Maybe I'll try that. Which end of it? Give it a shot. I wouldn't be doing the sucking. Yeah, you'd be receiving the sucking. Give it a friggin. shot. What do we have time for here? Okay, we're doing all right. Forget about the finger nails for a

minute. Let's go ahead and move on to the finger tip. The tip, cubby. This sounds unpleasant as all hell. I got to tell you about this. Happened a good year ago. I think the whole works has now made its way to the local courthouse. Says here over at the Trader Joe's grocery store in Port in Oregon. I love Trader Joe's. Do you now? I am such a slut for them. It's a cult. Yeah, they have like a huge, very passionate following, right? Yes, they really are incredible. Shout out to them. I've never been to one. I had a bad experience the first time I went there. I was with a girlfriend and I never been to one and we're shopping around. I'm like, well, where are like the Doritos and stuff? Because Trader Joe's carries all their own line of product. So she goes, oh, go ask

the employee where the Doritos are. So I go on asking, I basically got treated like Pee-Wee Herman when he asked where the basement was in the Alamo. They're all laughing at me. Yeah, I would have laughed too. I didn't know. You plebe. Exactly. I knew they had like healthy stuff or at least that was what I always thought.

Yeah, that's what they're all about. I didn't know they didn't sell regular brand. No. They don't sell anything that has red dye 40 in it. So like I'm pretty sure Doritos has something like that. Yeah. They're like very, uh, yeah, very healthy. What happened now?

Okay, Trader Joe's, yeah. It says here at the Trader Joe's in Portland, Oregon. a gal called Julie. She says she bought herself a bottle of orange juice at the joint. Oh, she says she took a swig out of that bottle. She drank quite a bit of it, actually. There was a big bastard. It was like some 52-ounce bottle of...

What? She likes orange juice. Yeah, all right. Towards the bottom of that orange juice bottle, she saw something floating in there. She thought it was just... just a big fat chunk of that pulp. But it was not.

She reached in there and pulled out a severed human fingertip. That's pretty nasty. She's going to be rich. I would. That was the last thing I was expecting. Finger tip, tip, tip, tip, tip, hard as a rock. Hard as a rock. What band, Cubby?

I couldn't tell you. 89. Oh, is that ACDC? No, no. I thought they had a hard as a rock. They did, but that was 95. Ever since I first saw this story about a finger tip, it made me think of the old Bullet Boys song, Hard as a Rock.

Oh, I've never heard that one. He says something like, you get me hot from my head on my top of my head to my finger, tip, tip, tip, tip, hard. When the boys first start drinking beer in the movie Beer Fest, when they have the keg and they first tap it, they decide to be a beer fest team, all right, let's kill this keg. And they hit a tunebox? They're playing hard as a rock. by the Bullet Boys that always cracked me up. I always thought, who was the guy in that,

what do they call themselves? Broken Lizard. Who was the guy that said, okay, the song we rock out to for the first beer drinking scene in this movie has to be the Bullet Boys. Anyway, sorry I threw us, but that's how my brain works. Gal was drinking the orange juice from the Trader Joe's at the bottom of the bottle.

She reached in there and pulled out a severed human fingertip. Julie is her name. she says the fingertip had a little rubber glove at the end of it. She gagged. Her stomach started to feel funny. She went off to see a doctor. And the gist of the story from here on out is that Julie thinks that there might have been other hand parts in her orange juice. Other than just that fingertip, you know what I'm saying?

She's saying, what else did I swallow along the way? Yeah. She probably just thought it was pulp. I can handle some pretty gross stuff, even with food. but yeah, if I'm swallowing people's body parts, I think that would make me barf for a real long time. Yeah, I wouldn't sit right for a while. Yeah, you think you'd be.

I don't want to, if I'm going to be a cannibal, I want that to be my choice. Yeah, I would ask the hospital if I could stay there for a while. You don't think you're going to bottomless mimosis for a while? Uh-uh. You'd spray for a while, I bet, Cubby, if you knew you swallowed a toe or a finger or a nose or an earlobe or an elbow. Yeah, that would sicken me.

A rod You know, people are kind of passionate about pulp or no pulp, too. Oh, I want so much pulp you got to eat it with a spoon. Yuck, no. I just don't want orange juice in general. Get that away from me. Really? You don't like orange juice?

No. I don't know why, but it makes my tongue itchy. Instant diarrhea. Oh, I thought everybody liked orange juice. I used to, and then came the diarrhea. Yeah, that'll change you, guy. All right, so this gal, she's looking for $10,000 in damages from the folks at Trader Joe's. Again, she's more or less saying, I found the fingertip, but what else did I drinky drink?

Kind of surprised it's only 10 grand just in the way you hear so many of these stories, right? And it's astronomical. Like the pain and suffering, I want a million for that, I want a million for this, 10 million for that. The rubber glove at the end of a little fingertip, that leads me to believe that it was, you know, a food worker. Right? They wear the rubber. But who friggin knows? That kind of makes it better, I guess.

that it had a rubber on it. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, I don't ever want to see you in that condition, Josh. The barfing like that? Yes, I don't ever want to see that happen to you. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show.

I'll tell you. We got plenty. Plenty to discuss at 7.30 when Randy Shaver and we assume C. Willie Miles duck into the mix here on the half-ass morning show. You're a terrific crowd for now. I'll just throw a couple things here. way and we can move on with our lives. Covey has a news report. He's been working on for, oh, God, hours. Twins losing streak is over. They put a few runs on the board last night.

Nine of them. Beat the White Sox nine to six. That's awful nice. Game two is tonight. How do I say this? It's a three-game series. Tonight'll be game two of that series. Grand slam hitting last night's ballgame. Yeah, it's always fun when you see you. Tonight on Channel 5, game one of the Stanley Cup final final. Rally North Carolina is the host city for game one. North Carolina hurricanes, Las Vegas Golden Knights. Before we move on, do you have a favorite? Is there somebody your hoping wins or do you... I'll cheer for North Carolina. Yeah. That's the consensus, is it not? As far as the fan votes go? I don't know. I guess I haven't looked anything like that up.

Kind of seems that way. I mean, what do you call the other team again? Golden Knights? Las Vegas. They just won the Cup two, three years ago. Yeah, that's why. North Carolina hasn't won the cup since 2006. And plus, I'll always have a little bit of a soft spot for the North Carolina hurricanes because they used to be the Hartford Whalers. And I always like the Hartford Whalers when I was a kid. I loved their jersey concept. I loved their color scheme. I loved kind of how forgotten and anonymous they were during the bulk of their existence. I even have an old Hartford Whalers jersey. Get out of town. That's right. Where was I going with this. We were making everybody sick earlier in our stupid news report talking about feet. We were

talking about foot juice. Oh, God, foot juice. We got to talk about fingertips, severed fingertips, gross, this, that. Everyone was bitching on our text machine about how gross we are. Listen to this text, Josh, here from O-town Carpenter Sona Jesus. He said his girlfriend threatened to leave him because of his dirty and disgusting habits. He said he was so shocked. He almost choked on his toenails. Well, what were the habit? Just get back to us. Josh's news report is next.

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Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. One night with Stiney. One night with Stiney. Shout out, Tulsa and Nel. This is just about me being myself. It's going to be chaotic. I can't guarantee anything.

All I can guarantee is that you're going to be entertained. I'm not join in OVO. You can keep DMing Drake or keep paying. By the way, I like O'I. I know that. I know you DM Drake all the time. I know that. You paid me.

$3,000 on Venmo one time to text him for you. One night with Stiney. One night with Siney, baby, let's go. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93X Half-Ast morning show. What in the actual fuck are you guys doing?

On 93X. You just don't understand how a competition can lead to something like this. When it's supposed to be for fun, for sport, friendly, family competition is really disheartening. Three competitors were stabbed during a shocking over attack at a national sporting event in Las Vegas, leaving them injured and unable to compete

or enjoy a well-earned sugar cube. Three horses were stabbed by a teenage girl during a bizarre barn rampage at a national barrel racing event in Las Vegas over the weekend. Dude. The attacks happened early Saturday morning inside a barn at the South Point Hotel, Casino and Spa's Equestrian Center, which was hosting a major horse racing event. My parents go there like a couple times a year, South Point, and they've seen the horse there. Oh, have they really? Yeah, that's crazy.

Well, there's not going to be any anymore. A teenage kid stabbed three horses to death. No, no, no, not to death, luckily. Not to death. Organizers of the 26 NBHA Professionals' Choice Vegas Super Show announced Friday that someone had scheduled, that was scheduled to compete had been removed from the competition because of a horse mistreatment issue. That announcement proved to be an unsettling foreshadowing of what would follow. Police said officers were called to the barn about 2 a.m. the next morning after learning three horses, identified by the owners as Saul Good, whose weekend was not, in fact, Saul Good, Rocket and Detail, who'd been intentionally injured with a knife. Details owner, Ariel Phillips, described the suspect as a crazy, obsessed stalker

who repeatedly visited her horse's stall. Yes. Phillips said the teen has been, quote, following me on social media for a long time, obsessing over detail, obsessing over meeting me. Investigators soon identified the teenage competitor as a suspect, noting she had access to the barn where the horses were kept. The girl was later found at a nearby hotel where she was taken into custody without incident. There's so much of this, so much of this has me enthralled. A teenage kid obsessed with equestrian events? That's never happened before.

Some sort of competitor as well. Usually teenage kids are obsessed with their favorite singer or maybe obsessed with a classmate or a teacher. A teenage kid obsessed with equestrian characters is a new one for me. So where did she stab? What did she stab them with? A knife. Where? All over.

Supposedly. Okay. Okay. While the horses are expected to recover, authorities said their injuries will prevent them from competing. Oh, that sucks. Wow, that is so frigging psychotic. I saw some human-on-horse violence once. Late night downtown Minneapolis, bar clothes, somebody thought it would be funny to punch the police horse. That did not end well for that gentleman. No, that's what is wrong with him? That's assaulting a police officer. Yeah, they don't

play about that. Oh, they beat his ass. Good. I know a guy who hates horses. I mean, oh, he hates them. He inherited three or four of them when his folks died. And he did not want them. And eventually he was able to rid themselves. He was able to rid himself of them in varying ways. But I don't think he would ever, as much as he hated horses and still hates them, I don't think he'd ever walk into the barn and stab them to death. Yeah, that's pretty awful.

That is a sick level right there. You guys know how I like to toss in weird holidays if they fit into the story on any particular day? Sure. Coincidentally enough, today is National Stab a Horse at Random Day. Whoa. She was just celebrating early. Yeah, let's go out to the farm. One of the greater coincidences in the history of this radio show.

It's amazing the timing. For real, though, June 2nd does come with a couple of unusual holidays, quote unquote. One is fairly straightforward. National Rotissory Chicken Day. Delicious. But the other is considerably weirder. Today is yell fudge at the Cobra's in North America Day. Every June 2nd, participants are encouraged to step outside at noon precisely, face south, and shout fudge at the top of their lungs.

The idea is that the noise and apparently the word itself will help keep cobras from invading North America. That is the dumbest thing I've heard all day. It is. The holiday is built on a joke, Cobra's hate fudge. It was created in the early 1990s by Thomas Roy. and Ruth Roy, founders of Wellcat holidays. They're known for inventing dozens of these offbeat observations

intended to inject a little humor into everyday life. What drugs were they doing in the early 90s? They came up with this. They're running out of stuff. Yell Fudge at the Cobras in North America Day? Tell those folks did I hate their guts. Iowa man is behind bars after responding to a denied speaker request by getting

remarkably stabby. 21-year-old Nathan Norrell, who seems to have an adversarial relationship with the word no, was arrested hours after police say he stabbed his mother in their West Des Moines home. She was treated for non-life-threatening injuries, but told police she believed her son was trying to kill her because she had the nerve to tell her son he couldn't use her speaker. According to investigators, he'd been drinking heavily that night. At some point, he asked his mother if he could use her speaker in the bathroom to play some tunes.

She told him he could not use her speaker, and that's when the trouble began. Authorities say he armed himself with a large fixed blade knife, waited in the bathroom for his mother to enter, then attacked her, stabbing her in the neck. Despite her injuries, she made her way to the kitchen to tend to her wounds, and when she called 911, Norrell suddenly remembered he had somewhere else to be. Thoughties say he skipped the meet and greet with the 5-0,

caught an Uber to his grandfather's house, then later turned himself in at the local police department. This is part of the reason why it's so important for kids to move out at one point, Redolph. Yes, it is. Or else you're going to end up stabbing somebody. Right, exactly. Got to get out of the house. You got to get out of there at one point. Or getting stabbed. Yeah. You're going to be on one end of that. When questioned, he reached for the well-worn criminal classic, the I don't recall a thing defense. He claimed he blacked out from alcohol and other medications and couldn't remember exactly what happened. He was arrested for attempted murder.

Attempted murder. Sadly, here's more disrespect to matriarchs. but this one may have had it coming. A woman described by law enforcement as one of the most wanted drug offenders in Florida was arrested earlier this year. I bet she's gorgeous. She's not. After her son threatened to kill her with a katana. Oh, that's pretty cool, though.

Yeah, if I was going to be killed by some sort of bladed instrument, like a sweet samurai sword, would probably make it a little easier. It's hard to stay low profile, of course, when summoning deputies to your living room for a katana incident. So cops were able to find 50,000. one-year-old Jernine Green and take her under custody on multiple outstanding warrants, including trafficking and cocaine, fentanyl, hydrocodone, and multiple other charges. The sheriff's office arrived after Green called 911 to report her son had been drinking and damaging property.

She told dispatchers he was swinging a katana-style sword threatening to kill her and, quote, everyone else. According to deputies, they could even hear the son threatening his mother during the 911 call. At the time the son was cuffed, Green was arrested on drug-related warrants, and she would have gotten away with it if it weren't for some pesky kid wielding a samurai sword. Deputy said the katana was found at the residence and officers are training with it in order to open beer bottles at precinct parties. Police say they had no idea of her whereabouts until they were called to the home for the unusual incident. And she's the one who called the police. Yeah, she was afraid for her life.

Yeah. They're like, sweet, we finally found you. Have you ever seen somebody open a beer bottle with a sword? I've seen YouTube videos. Yeah, me too. I want to see it in person. Although maybe it's too dangerous in person, but YouTube videos looks pretty sweet. No, it sounds like a good way to maybe lose your tallywacker.

Patriarchs aren't out of the line of fire either. And this incident actually kind of sounds like a movie in the making. A West Virginia man was arrested after making a mess of his father's face with a crossbow, then treating law enforcement to a multi-county work. out through difficult terrain. Authorities said Chase Fleming was taken into custody after an exhaustive search and a lengthy foot pursuit spanning two counties. Jackson County Sheriff Ross Melinger said Fleming entered his father's home carrying a crossbow.

The two began arguing and Fleming fired. The bolt struck the victim's face just below his left eye and exited through the back of his head. Deputies arrived on scene short of their afterness when they found the victim had been shot in the face, you know, with his crossbow. the arrow over the bolt across the boat had actually been removed from the skull. Remarkably, his father survived the bolt to the face. No, he didn't. He did while the son bolted from police.

He shot his dad in the face and he removed that arrow. Yeah, it went right through the back of his head. How the guy's still alive is beyond me. It's really remarkable, the sheriff said. After the shooting, Chase Fleming fled in his pickup truck and Chase led police on a pursuit. He later crashed, then added a little cardio by fleeing on foot. Deputies pursued the man with multiple canine units and drones leading to a capture, a little less glamorous than Chase's Chase itself.

He was found hiding under a rock. Really? They'll never find me here. I bet he was pretty shocked, too, that Dad survived that. Jesus, balls. Yeah. Usually when someone drops the annoying classic, Do you know who I am, line?

it's because they're a celebrity, a politician, or at least someone with a title that carries a little more weight beyond a three-block radius. But then there's this guy. The president of an HOA in central Florida has been accused of pushing a 12-year-old to the ground during a verbal confrontation last week. Responding to a call Tuesday about 8 p.m., deputies met with the boy and his grandfather.

Investigators learned the kid had been riding his bicycle around the nearby clubhouse before becoming tired and stopping near the tennis court to rest. That's when neighborhood narc Paul Holmes began staring at the boy and making odd facial expressions. The 12-year-old decided to leave, but not before flipping Holmes off on his way out. Oh, is that right? Hell yeah. According to the boy, Holmes didn't appreciate that gesture.

Apparently, Holmes felt the 12-year-old had failed to show the proper respect for his perceived greatness, which isn't entirely surprising when the only thing more inflated than HOA fees was his opinion of himself. He approached the child, pushed him to the ground, and demanded, Do you know who I am? I'm the president of the HOA. A sentence which probably sounded a lot more intimidating in Holmes' head than it did to anyone else. As a matter of fact, the kid didn't know what an HOA was. Yeah, he's 12.

Holmes then took the boy's bicycle, loaded it into his vehicle, and drove away stealing the bike. Deputies said they spoke with Holmes, who initially refused to return the bicycle before eventually giving in. He claimed there had been ongoing issues with juveniles gathering around the clubhouse late at night when the club was closed, although the juveniles had not been observed committing any criminal activity, damaging any property, or bothering anyone. As a matter of fact, police hadn't even heard that before. Holmes said they were not members of the club, though, and therefore had no business being there. He further claimed he only took the bicycle so security could identify the boy and his parents. That explanation failed to impress the cops who arrested him on charges of child abuse and theft.

roughing up the kids in the neighborhood, huh? You steal a kid's bike? What's wrong? After you push him off of it? That's so messed up. Yeah, but it's kind of hilarious too. Got a bit of a temper of this guy. Because I bet the kids just sitting there like, what is happening?

Yep. I'm not afraid of a 12-year-old. Making sure your garbage cans are put back in the garage by a certain amount of time. He's the toughest guy in the neighborhood. God, I'm glad I've never had to deal with that. Oh, they suck. It's annoying, yeah. They suck.

Yeah, see, whenever we have these conversations, about the old HOA, I always hear so many horrible things. But I was, I lived in a townhouse for three years or so that was part of a homeowner's community and, you know, there were letters that would come my way every now and again. There were meetings that I never attended. Other than that, I never even knew that they existed. So I guess I got real lucky because a lot of folks have these terrible experiences. I had zero experience.

Yeah, that's good. I mean, certainly there's some that barely do anything. I know we live, we're one house away from being in an HOA. Nice. But there's people, they walk the neighborhood to make sure everyone's complying to the certain rules. How much time do you have on your hands? Well, a lot of them are retired. Yeah, they're sure.

Exactly. They're retired and this is their thing. Oh, geez, I didn't see the time here. We got to go. Doesn't matter. Dana Carvey, 71 today. Yeah, president of the male Dana Club. Well, President Palmer on 24, Sergeant Major Blaine on the unit,

All-state insurance spokesperson, and, of course, Pedro Serrano and Major League, Dennis Haysburg, 72. Leave it to Jerry Mathers, the Beaver, to make it to 78. Happy birthday to the Beave. Boys, one of those characters where almost every time you bring up his name, I imagine that he was already dead. I can see why. I mean, if you're on a show. Wally is dead. I believe so, yeah.

Yeah. But how about the Beave? I mean, this is a guy. I love to leave it to Beaver. He visited our studios many years ago. he and Wally. Oh, really? That would have been awesome.

I think I'm remembering that correctly. He and Wally came into town. I don't know what the hell they were doing here, but they were just wonderful guys. Metal grinding to burring Jesus checking in. He's sending a congratulations to his daughter, Catarina. God, I hope I'm pronouncing that right. And the St. Francis Class of 2026 graduating tomorrow. Stuck Living in Iowa, Jesus said he listens to the podcast because he can't at work.

So he asked for a shout out to the North Branch class of 1985. Boy, he's behind on podcast. Yeah. I mean, really far behind. Get well soon to one tough son of a B. Brian. We were sad to learn he was injured in a motorcycle accident over the weekend. Thankfully, surviving to tell the tales. We'll get well soon, bro.

Congratulations to Mexican Rice Runner, Jesus and family. They found out there's a new member of the Mexican Rice Runner family on the way. Minnesota 9-1-1 living in Wisconsin, Jesus, would like to wish her favorite youngest daughter, Lexi Lou, a happy 12th birthday, and happy birthday. to Minnesota Moses. That's 93x News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show.

Loud music. See Willie Miles has wandered into the room. Hello, C. Willie. What's up? How you doing? Man, I'm just trying to make it, brother. Just trying to make it. Let's collectively check in and see if Randy Shaver's still breathing. Randy? I'm still breathing. Oh, you sound good?

Longest couple of three days of your year has about wrapped up, huh? Well, not about wrapped up. It has wrapped up. Well, good. Yes. You did a lot of good for a lot of people. You worked your ass off. You raised a lot of money. Yesterday was Randy's big golf tournament. Congratulations again on getting through it. Thank you. Yes. It was a long two days, but it was a great two days.

A lot of fantastic people helped us raise a lot of money for cancer research. patient aid here in Minnesota. See Willie Miles was out golfing yesterday? Mm-hmm. Full show. You had a good time? Had a great time, man. Had a great crew.

Met some new, made some new friends. Oh, yeah. Big Kev over there at Care 11. Big Kev. Big Kev. That's what I call him. And I Doug from Care 11. He was, he's lefty, but man, can he puts it on it?

Were you the best of your four-sum, five-sum? Oh, no. Oh, no? Absolutely not. I had some really good shots. I was there when they needed me. Let's put it that way. You know, that's what I'm there for.

That's what I am. I'm clutch. I'm that guy. If you don't need me, don't call me. I'm just, I'm a support team. You were there when they needed you. Well, that's wonderful. They're here.

I was telling C. William when he walked in that Ashley was raving about your performance Sunday night. Right. It's what I've been telling her for decades. You've got to check them out. And finally she had an opportunity. And everybody said how much fun it was Sunday night with your performance. It was awesome. It was, I can't remember the last year I did it, but it was fire on Sunday night.

I had a good time. And it helps to know a lot of the people there. Right. You know, you know what they like and what they would laugh at and so forth. But what I do want to do this before it's all said and done. I want to shout out to the Plymouth police that did not pull me over. because I was honestly speeding and I was talking to my wife

and sometimes she gets me so amped up talking about my show because my wife I was saying then you did this part then you did it oh my God how you followed that up you know what I mean and I was speeding on your way home from the event

oh okay it was raining yeah and the cop was sitting in the boulevard there I swear I call them because I'm from Alabama the boulevard curb you know where you make a flip up a crappy you know oh are you talking about a roundabout

No, no. And, you know, he was just something that's in the middle of the, in the middle of the median. Median. Median. I didn't know the word right. All right. And he was sitting right there. And the lights were off.

I saw him. And I couldn't react fast enough. He pulled out behind me on 55 and followed me from, I was only probably a half a mile away from coming from Medina ballroom. Sure. And he followed me all the way to VIN. I know that area. And then he did not turn his life. He was right behind me, like right on my bumper.

Oh, that's when you know. He ran my place. I'd say he's pulling me over. He's pulling me over. He's pulling me over. There's no way he's not. And all of a sudden, he just whipped over in the left lane. I think he ran my place to realize I haven't had a traffic guy.

I didn't have no warrants or nothing like that. He saw your clean record. Yeah. And then Flavis ran the plate, so I see Willie and was like, no, I see Willie. Yeah. I'm not going to pull him off. Well, good for you. In my mind, that's what I'm thinking.

He must have saw that. You must have read all of your information. Oh, absolutely. You are an upstanding citizen. I want to shout out to that guy and say, thank you, sir, because that would have ruined my great night. It was a great night. It would have been my fault.

You did knock it out of the park Sunday at Randy's gala out there at Medina ballroom. So, yeah, I had a chance to run out to Rush Creek yesterday and hang out with Ashley and Janelle and our sales guy. Eric who were golfing. This was in the afternoon yesterday, and I got a chance to hang out with my four Legion buddies who were golfing in the event. You said they did real well?

Well, they're very good golfers, all four of them. But I don't think they were giving it their best. It looked like they were, as usual, much more dialed into the beer and alcohol than they were. But they really enjoyed being out there, and they really enjoyed who they were paired up with. I already explained this earlier to Dana and Josh and Ashley, being four guys in their 50s who grew up here loving hockey,

it was a real thrill for them to be paired up with former North Star Gordy Roberts. Oh, wow. Gordy's good people. Just a wonderful guy. And, you know, Randy and I talked a little bit about Gordy yesterday. I had a chance to chat with him, too. He just still comes off like a young, young man. The way he carries himself, the way he interacts with people, he's so friendly.

He just comes off like a young man. kid like he's having the time of his life so a word up to gordy roberts my pals really enjoyed golfing with you yesterday and uh i was just happy as hell to have a chance to talk with him again yeah so that was cool um ashley needs to work on her language when she golfs we covered that earlier she needs to work on her golf etiquette she's not here to defend herself right now maybe we'll bring it up when she comes back into the studio but and when i was visiting with ashley she was swearing quite loudly on the golf course. Within 10 minutes, Randy Shaver,

I heard two F-Me's, two skull Fs. She said that twice out loud, Skull F, she told me to go F myself twice, and there was an S word in there as well. Wow. Quite loud. Now, in her defense,

I'm probably sure that she heard those things from Janelle first. She just copied what Janelle was. Yeah, she wanted to be like big sister. That's right. I think I've only heard Janelle swear once. I think the blame needs to go on the Norwegian ox more than it does for Ashland. Yeah, she's a bad influence. You're right.

She's a bad influence. She comes from Faribault. She's a heavy drinker, Janelle Glines. Somebody sent me a picture of her shotgun and beers in the parking lot before she even got on her car. She is possibly going to be swinging by to see us on Friday. I think the Plymouth cop was waiting. waiting for hers. Easy, do we.

Yeah, maybe I'll bring this up to when Ashley comes back into the studio. I did see, I believe, some members of the Rush Creek, how do you say it, Josh? I did see some members of the Rush Creek Golf Club attempt to apprehend Ashley and Janelle yesterday over their golf cart etiquette as well. We're using the word etiquette a lot this morning. Their golf cart etiquette was questionable. So maybe someone remind me to bring that up when Ashley comes into the back. Were they in places they shouldn't be?

Yes, I'll explain, yeah, if you remind me when Ashley comes back. So there you go. Congratulations, Randy, and another nice event. Well, thank you. I think the numbers are not finalized yet, but I think we're going to be around 420,000, something like that for the two days. Oh, me, damn. So it was a great two days.

And again, my thanks to Rush Creek, who do, they do such a phenomenal job. There's such great people, Derek and Jenny and the whole crew out there. And Medina Ballroom, Medina Entertainment Center, the Raskop family, just amazing people. And everybody else, from Culvers to Big Boar to Rock Elm to everybody. Warner Stallion, thank you so much. much for everything. You got some cool people helping you out, no question. And you guys. Oh. You know, 93X has become a big part of this, and I appreciate that very much. Well, don't mention it, Randy Schaber, because it's our pleasure. So we got Randy and C. Willie.

We've got plenty to cover here as far as jock sniffing goes. If you don't mind, let's get some of the bad stuff out of the way. We lost some people yesterday. and the day before. You know, Claude Lemieux was just a couple of days ago. Now, unfortunately, we lost Rick Adelman. Wow. One of the greatest NBA coaches to ever do it. Didn't I know that?

Yeah. Coached here with the wolves for a couple of three seasons. Short years, yeah. Three years. Those were his last years as an NBA coach. Rick Adelman has passed away at 79 years old. I think I have this right. I think he's the 10th winning his coach.

in the history of the game. I really loved his Portland Trailblazer teams in the late 80s. You want to talk about entertaining basketball. I mean, maybe anybody could have coached those teams. And I mean that in no disrespect. Just there was so much talent and athleticism on those Portland Trailblazers teams that Rick Adelman coached in the 80s and 90s, that maybe most of his time he was just spent sitting on the bench going,

wow, because you had Clyde Drexler and you had Terry Porter and you had Jerome Kersey and you had Buck Williams. Buck Williams. Kevin Duckworth. Maybe Kevin Duckworth wasn't in the most athletically gifted. And by the way, Duckworth is gone. Cursey is gone already. Those guys died young. I'm forgetting one more player in that. Drexler, Porter, Duckworth, Buck Williams, Jerome Kersey. I'm missing one more. Maybe was Adaman there when Rashid Wallace? That's a different generation. But anyway, those were great

teams. With Michael Jordan never came around, Rick Adamman, what a one, a couple of titles with those teams. And he did a good job here in Minnesota too. So his son still is the head, or did he? He's still there. Denver? Denver. Okay. He didn't lose his job. I thought maybe he lost his job.

I don't think so. So yeah, top 10 of all time. I don't think I know about Rick Eleanor means that he was a players coach. You know what I mean? Like the players, he loved the players. Players, there's no one player that said anything bad about Rick. Not one single. I believe you. I got that other player and I think he also died young. Cliff Robinson. Yes. God dang. That's who I was forgetting with the headband. Yeah. Yep, Cliff. I couldn't. Cliff Robinson, Jerome Kersey and Kevin Duckworth are all gone. Are they not? That is so sad.

Listeners are Our listeners are bombing me with that text. Cliff Robinson. God dang. And if you talk about Rick Adleman, you've got to bring up those early 2000 Sacramento case teams. Just unbelievably fun to watch. Weber, Bibby, Pagio, Vladi, Doug Christie,

they were a lot of fun. Bobby Jackson was on that team. F me running. And you mentioned that he would have won titles in Portland if Jordan never got drafted. He would have won a title with the Kings if David Stern hadn't stepped in and said, No, no, no, no, no, we need the Lakers in the finals.

That's very true. I don't argue that. You cannot watch the highlights of game six and seven. You cannot watch those and not say the fix was in. I had forgotten about his days with the Kings, but my damn, did he have some loaded clubs? Larry Fitzgerald Sr. has died at 71 years old. Shocker. That was a shocker.

That was a good. What a shocker. That was a good friend. Oh, I didn't know that. Larry was one of your pals? I'm sorry, C. Will. When I worked on radio, he did. sports for us kind of like what randy does

but did a much better job much better more respected really dana it was right there for me randy i couldn't i couldn't resist you know i co-signed it randy and i apologize i co-signed it because it came at me so fast yeah i know and i had to react and that was that's on me i hadn't heard that before co-signed it

No, he was, he was, he did, he went very long a lot of time on the radio. You don't allow so much time, but Larry would read you all the sports. He would cover everything. But no, he was such, I've been knowing him ever since I was in college. And he wrote for the sportsman and whatever. He would come to St. Cloud. It's the only paper that would cover us up there. The Minnesota spokesman recorder.

Yep. That's what it has. That's what I have in front of me here. 40 years in the business here, local media. So Larry Sr. was when K-Fans started back in, what, 90s or mid-90s, I think, something like that, maybe earlier than that. He was there, he was one of the first original voices on K-FAN. He and Eric Nelson did the show together. Chad and Barrero were part of that.

I was there with Dave Huffman and then later Joe Sensor and Michelle Tofoya. But Larry Sr. was a big part of the beginnings of KFAN. And obviously, well known throughout the Twin Cities. He was a great supporter of Denny Green when Denny Green was here. And Denny had a lot of controversy that came with him in different ways. and Larry was, you know, obviously a big advocate of Denny's, and rightly so, because Denny did a lot of great things here, too, as the head coach of the Vikings.

Larry, it's a loss, and the sad part to me is that his son, Larry Jr., is going to go into the Hall of Fame in two months. Oh, man. Right. And Larry Sr.'s not going to be able to see it. That's terrible. That breaks my heart. You know, that's just awful.

That's just awful. That's a shame. So my Bob, Bob Hagen, the former Vikings PR guy, media guy, told me about this yesterday at the golf event. And I was shocked. I did not hear. Did you hear anything see Willie that he was sick? Honestly, no, I didn't. I didn't know he had pets until I got home.

Yeah, I found out yesterday. Like I said, Bob told me yesterday, we were during the afternoon shotgun, we were sitting up with the golf club to, you know, getting a glass of water and Bob walked up and said, hey, did you hear about Larry Sr. And I went, what? So it's a shocker. It's a shocker to a lot of people.

Our condolences to the Fitzgerald fan. Yeah, yeah. Finally, as far as sports characters, sports personalities, passing on, no local connection here, but this just brings back memories of when I was a little, little kid when I first started reading books about football.

And, of course, I was drawing. to the pictures because I was not the brightest kid in the world. I wouldn't read much. I'd just check out the pictures. When I was very little and first started learning about football, I was drawn to the quarterbacks and the wide receivers. And the two wide receivers that grabbed me right away were Ray Barry and Lance Allworth. Raymond Barry died yesterday at 93 years old. And he was... He was the premier wide receiver of his era.

Yes, he was. In fact, he set the table for all the great wide receivers. And, you know, he played with Johnny Unitas, who was one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. I mean, he was, I mean, we take wide receivers for granted in a lot of ways because there's so many great players. But in his era, he was the wide receiver. Yeah.

I mean, he was. He and John Unitas wrote the book, really. Yeah, they did. went on to coach for quite a few years after he was done playing. Impressive that he made it to 93. Wow. A lot of folks forget this, but I think I had this correct. I hate to put my foot in my mouth here,

but when the New England Patriots made it to the Super Bowl in 1985, where they were eviscerated by the Chicago Bulls. Bears, Chicago Bears. Just the fact that that team got to the Super Bowl was a massive upset in the 85 season. And that was Ray Berry who coached that club with Tony Easton and Steve Grogan and toggling back and forth that quarterback. And Craig James was there running back. That was one of the most underappreciated upsets in NFL playoff history

that the Patriots made it all the way to that championship game. Yeah, I mean, those were a couple of the guys when I first started learning about football. It was Ray Barry wearing that number 82 jersey for the Colts and Lance Allworth. We're 19 for the Los Angeles, pardon me, San Diego Chargers. So there you go. In high school football, we did some workout each summer called the Raymond Barry workout where everything had to be absolutely perfect because I guess he was known for his precise route running and training and everything was always perfect.

So we had to do this elaborate workout and if anything wasn't perfect, start over. It was the Ray Berry operation. Yep. One thing I remember about when he was coaching the New England Patriots, for whatever reason, they decided that the coaches were going to wear white shirts and bright red pants on the sideline. It was the 80s, right? Oh, yeah. He didn't.

It just, they looked so silly. I always felt bad for Ray Berry. Here was this gritty wide receiver from the black and white days of the 60s, right? You know what I mean? And now he's on the sideline wearing these colorful red pants looking like a golfer. No offense, Randy and C. Willem. Right. Anyway, the Twins losing streak is over last night.

They tossed a bunch of runs up on the board. They beat the White Sox 9 to 6. Tristan Gray had a grand slam in the fourth inning. He did. He's hit a couple of those now this season. That's the second, yeah. Of all people, Tristan Gray. They added a few more runs in the fifth.

Joe Ryan looked all right. They continue the series tonight in Minneapolis with Davis Martin and Connor Pree-Lip, who I think matched up just a few days ago, did they not? I think so, yeah. Dave St. Peter was out playing golf at my event yesterday morning, and Dave is such a great guy, former Twins president. And I said to him something about, hey, you know, how long do you think it'll take for the twins to turn around and get this thing back going again? Just trying to make idle conversation.

And he got fired up, and he said, you know what, every Twins fan should want this, salary cap to happen. Oh, yeah. Because if the salary cap happens, then baseball will be on a, everybody will be on a fairly even playing field, and that will allow the twins to be competitive. I can't imagine any baseball fan who wouldn't want that. Yeah, so he was really adamant. Now, will it get done? I keep reading. I think I read even this morning.

Oh, it's going to be, David said we'll probably lose half a season. It's going to be ugly. But he said in the long run, it will be the best thing for baseball if they can get that figured out. Great. I'm four at 100%. I am too. I just, you know, and if I lived in Los Angeles and only cared about the Dodgers, then maybe I wouldn't. But, you know, we live here. And for, you know, medium market teams that have lost this huge chunk of money. because of TV rights, local TV rights, it's a necessity. Absolutely.

But, you know, the players, the argument's going to be the player, I read the number this morning, the players will lose $500 million if this happens. You know what? The game is going to lose so much more, I think, if they don't figure that out. Here's a listener who says no Dodgers or Yankees fans want a salary cap. Sure, I get, but really, even if I was a Dodger or a Yankee fan, I mean, open up your eyes. Right. You know why your team is winning every year.

You know because it's not fair. Don't you want fairness? I mean, sure, we won the World Series. I get all that. But at the same time, even a Dodger or a Yankee fan in their right mind has to sit there and look at the numbers and say, this is not right. It's kind of like playing a, dang it. It's kind of like playing a season on Madden where you turn all the penalties off and play on rookie mode. And you're like, I won the Super Bowl.

Right. Of course you did. It's not a challenge. Pretty good. Are you drinking homogenized milk over there or something? More milkshakes. Sorry, I've been gurgling cottage cheese back here. Dana just is a flam-nato today.

I cannot shake this cold. But you make a good point. Exactly. It's almost like the Dodgers and Yankees are playing with no rules. It's not fair. Sure, you love that your team is winning over. and over again, but you've got to look around and say, this is not fair. So we're all in favor of that salary.

Speaking of the twins, okay, some guys are starting to get healthy again. Cole, Sands, Bailey, Mick Abel, Kenny Rojas. Listen to this. This is for Cubby. The twins did make a trade because they need pitching. It seems like we get a new face or two every four or five days. The twins need pitching. They sent cash to the Pittsburgh Pirates in exchange for a relief pitcher named Justin Lawrence.

Whoa. Right, Covey? Justin Lawrence. Every time he's on the bump, I'm going to say, whoa. Because that's Joey Lawrence. Joey's younger brother, Justin. All of us who performed, all of us who played sports. Whoa. Did any of you ever have a good luck charm?

A good luck meal, a good luck pair of socks, lucky undies or something? Lucky drawers, anything. Probably. recall. I need a Snickers bar before each soccer game. Okay. I also won't... Yeah, it was. The superstition. I also wouldn't wash my, wouldn't let my mom wash my jersey if we were on a winning streak.

So there you go. Was it former twins pitcher Joe Mays that told us he'd always get a number two for McDonald's? Yes. He took a number two at McDonald's. No, no. He pulled over at McDonald's. It was the number two on the menu. He bought, not took. I thought he chose

to take a shit at McDonald's every before. Hey, Garty, so hold the game back. I'm a little bound up right now. I've got to get this out. I got to swing over to Mac. You're right. Joe Mays, he would stop at the McDonald's and get himself the number two meal, which I think was two cheeseburgers, a large fry, and this and that. I was in sweat bands. What about what? I had sweat bands. You had same sweat bands? You had same sweat bands? On your wrists, on your head? Yep. Same. All the way to it. So from all the sports that play exact same sweat bands. Really?

Yeah. Put them on the exact same arm. They had. had left and right. So I would never switch them up and had the right on the left. I would check. That was the one thing I checked every time. The last thing I got put on was my sweat fans. So Dana and C. Willie were superstitious. I don't remember ever going along with any kind of a lucky

thing or a... See, Willie, if you ever did poorly, would you change it up? No. You just keep it going? Keep it going. It wasn't... I don't know if it was a good luck charm. It was just part of my... It was just a routine that I went through. Yeah, I guess that is.

Psychedelic Jesus, listeners are texting in now too If they ever had like a lucky superstitious type of a gimmick playing sports Psychedelic Jesus said before every big game, he would eat kilbasa and bake beans. Oh, God. Sounds good. Wow. Sounds like a lineman.

Poo-poo's and Pee-Pes, Jesus, had his lucky streak of anger every time he played a big game. Okay, listen to this. University of Texas softball player Hannah Wells eats ladybugs for good luck. Okay, Hannah, that's aggressive. That's gross. That's pretty gross. You don't need to tell everybody that.

The ladies softball world series is happening, the women's college world series, and the dudes are getting there too as far as the college world series goes. So this lady Longhorn, Hannah Wells, she's playing in the women's college world series. her superstition dates back to childhood. If she sees a ladybug, she eats it for luck. God. Gross. Yeah, I mean, I guess, I mean, I don't know how common it is to run into a ladybug. You know what I mean?

Like, what if the big game is coming and there's no ladybugs available? What does she do then? We've got all the Asian Beatles you'd want to eat at my house. I remember the last time I saw a ladybug. I didn't read anything in the story that says she keeps them in a job. jar, it sounds like if she just if she encounters one, she has to eat it. But I could be wrong. Maybe she

keeps them as pets. Keeps them as food. That's a snack. She doesn't chew on them. She doesn't crunch into them. She just tries to swallow them whole. Like an oyster. Oh, that's not good. Kind of like goldfish. So they just crawled.

Goldfish. Tell me about swallowing goldfish. I've seen that maybe in a movie or something. They did in jackass. Yeah, somebody had swallowed. goldfish. In the 70s, wasn't that a thing? Like with streaking? It was kind of

something like that. Yeah, if you weren't streaking, you were swallowing goldfish in the 70s, yeah. Among other things. I miss that. Righty Willie, among other things. Here's a list who says he would always... You weren't doing that, doing that. You were doing this.

We had options, Randy. Yes, we had options. We created options. Here's a lister says before any big bowl and turn. He would eat himself a Milky Way candy bar. Here's a guy who says his girlfriend would always dump a lucky BJ on him before the... Wow.

Wow. You know, this and that. I think sports would be an excuse for that. Need a little more luck. Only got luck twice this week. Boy, I'm playing a triple header today. Thank God. I'll sign up for any ballpark.

Club if there's a lucky B.J. Synchronized swimming. Well, I never tried it, but if there's a lucky beege in the mix, hit the music. Some of our fishermen listeners swallor a minnow or two before the tournament starts for luck. Good God. I don't know if I could do that. Well, no, no, that's not what I'm reacting to. Swallor and a minnow is actually quite easy.

but what the hell is this? One of our listeners says, this sounds like nerves. I would chew on my tongue until the game was over. Like a nervous thing. You know what I'm talking about? Chewing on the inside of your mouth. Josh, don't you spend a lot of your time chewing on the inside of your mouth?

I just stopped doing it. I was doing it as you said that and I stopped. It made me realize it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, chewing on your tongue, that just sounds awful. Sacrifice a rooster in the locker room. There's a lot of people texting in about it. Come on, man.

Sacrifice of boosters. A lot of lucky gimmicks. Somebody asked, is there such a thing as an unlucky BJ? I can't imagine there is. Not in my experience. Maybe it depends on... They got braces. Or which end you're on?

Piece of that wire cumulus. I think an unlucky BJ involves braces. Or, like Josh said, if you find yourself, on the wrong end. Yeah. Wait, I wasn't, I thought it'd be on the other side. This doesn't feel lucky. What was the old joke about a BJ being like a roller coaster?

Sometimes you're afraid to look down. I don't know. Oh, what's the other one? Have you ever had a bad BJ? Yeah, wasn't it great? Yeah. All right, here we go, Randy Shaver, and especially see Willie Miles tonight because he's a huge hockey fan. Tonight on Channel 5.

They'll be pulling out all the stops for game one of the prestigious Stanley Cup final final. Rally North Carolina is the host city for game one, the North Carolina Hurricanes, and the Las Vegas Golden Knights will let her buck in a best of seven game series. It all starts tonight. How did ABC get both the NHL championship and the NBA finals, all on the one channel? I don't know. Al Michaels killed somebody or something. I don't know.

That's crazy. Al Michael strangled some executives from the rival network. I tell you what, if I work to Channel 5, those are going to be some possible late nights. Sleepy shaver. Yep. Yeah, that was one of our most fun experiences around here. Oh, yeah. Sending it to overtime, double overtime.

And who's even watching at that point the news after that game? Nobody. Nobody. Yeah, exactly. Not even me and I was doing it. Years ago, when. Channel 11 was carrying the Stanley Cup final. We used to just pray for five, six overtime.

Randy's sitting in that friggin' studio until 3 o'clock in the morning. Waiting for a goal to happen. Just so you can tell us a story about a family of ducks that are now living, whatever. The answer was right in front of us. How did Channel 5, RV slinging Jesus? How did Channel 5 get both the NBA and the NHL finals?

ABC, they're receiving lucky BJs. Oh, obviously. They just got lucky. Wow. There you go. Here's a crazy stat connected to the Stanley Cup final, final, final. Hurricane's coach Rod Brindamore, one of my all-time favorites, really. I loved him as a player.

God, he was a tough bastard. If you don't know what Robbredomor looks like, pull up a picture on your computer and explain to me, what to you, what does his nose look like? because I think everyone would have a different To me, Rod Brendamore's nose Looks like someone taped an elbow to his face He took so many pucks and so many sticks to his schnaz It's almost indescribable, Rod Brendamore

But here's the Kind of looks like a little kid drew it And they just glued it onto his face Like you can tell what it's supposed to be God, help us I mean that that'll show you what the NHL used to be when you look at Rod Bremdimore's friggin schnaz. At any rate, here's the stat.

Rod Bremdimore has played in or coached 97 of the 99 career playoff games for the North Carolina Hurricanes. Wow. He was a member of the last. How did he miss two? Don't know. Diary. Yeah, maybe he. Late.

Could have been an unlucky BJ. But, yeah. He was a member of that club for many years, and he was on the roster the last time they won the Cup in 2006. And fairly quickly after he retired, he became the coach. He's been there in one way or another for 97 of their 99 playoff games. That's impressive. Hurricanes. That's right.

Okay, Randy Schaber, some NFL trades that might have blown your skirt up. Or not, or not. The Cleveland Browns traded. Wow. They're big time defensive end, Miles Garrett to the Los Angeles Rams. And they got a great player in return. They did. Jared Verse is the two-time Pro Bowl player.

And they got multiple draft picks, including a first round pick next year, which everybody's talking about next year's NFL draft. This is maybe the greatest class of college football players for a first round in a long, long time. There's like four or five quarterbacks that everybody is raving about that could be potential superstar players in the league and just a host of another, of other great players. So they get a first round pick, they get a second round pick in 28 and a third round pick in 29.

And the big thing for the Rams is they're all in, right? I mean, they're all in anyway after they sign. the quarterback to bring him back. But now they get Miles Garrett, who's arguably the best defensive linemen in the league right now. They're just going to go for it. They've given up a lot of draft capital and a great player who's under team control

for like the next couple of years just to get Miles Garrett and go for the Super Bowl. The Philadelphia Eagles traded a star-wide. receiver of theirs by the name of AJ Brown to the New England Patriots for a first round draft pick. And in a fifth round draft. A.J. Brown going to go play for the Patriots. Well, you know A.J. Brown was going to get traded because this has been where he was going to end up was kind of like up in the air. But he was going to get dealt. He just kind of wore out his welcome in Philadelphia in some ways.

This is a great move for New England because Drake May now gets a superstar receiver. And I think A.J. Brown, if I'm not mistaken, played for the Patriots coach when he was in Tennessee. So I think there's a connection between those guys, too. Which is the very romantic Mike Vrable. Family man. So there's a connection there too. But, I mean, the Patriots are loading up, you know, on the offensive side. And you should.

When you've got a player like Drake May, you have to take advantage of the time you have him and you've got to put, you know, assets around him to make your team better and make him better. Am I totally out of my mind or did the Patriots play in last year's Super Bowl? They did. Oh, my God. Back to Rod Brenda Moore real quick. Head coach of the North Carolina Hurricanes a long time. NHL player.

I did not know this because I'm not a social media guy, but a listener is texted in to tell me that Rod Brenda Moore's nose has its own Twitter account. Oh, God, funny. I need to find out if you can find that, Dana. I know you're a Twitter guy. if there's anything interesting on Rod Brenda Moore's nose's Twitter account. Also, by the way,

Tom Pellisero was out playing in my golf event yesterday. Oh, a little touchdown Tom. Who in the hell is Tom Pellasero? For ESPN. He's on ESPN all the time. He's on the Rich Eisen's show. He's everywhere. Anyway, so Tom is out there and he helps break the story about Miles Garrett on the golf

course. If you watch a video, he's out playing in my event and talking to Rich Eisen, and I think Eisen asked him, where are you? Where are you at? And he said, hey, I'm at the Randy Shaver golf event here in Minnesota, blah, blah. But he is actually driving his cart and walking the fairway and talking about the trade, which I thought was pretty cool. There's clips on social of him doing all that. There's some other football news here from Brotato Chip Jesus, who's. says it's only 66 days until Jalen Hurts' birthday.

What do you think of this? An ESPN guy by the name of Mike Tannenbaum. Oh. You're not a fan? You don't like him? I don't know who that is. But if C. Willie Miles doesn't like him, then neither do I. He says that New Vikings quarterback Jessup Murrah.

What the hell is his first name again? It's not Jessup. Kyler. New Vikings quarterback Kyler Murrah. Mike Tannenbaum says he will win the NFL comeback player of year award this football season. That'd be sweet. That would mean that the Vikings had a great year.

Well, here's what he says. Murrah steps into an ideal system with head coach Kelvin O'Conrad and receivers Justin Jefferson and Addison Jordan, and the Vikings go 11 and 6, and they clinch the NFC North and they win a playoff game. Just one? Just one. Baby steps, he will. We've done that before.

Did Sam Darnold win that with the Vikings? Yeah. A playoff game? Did he? I don't know. The comeback. Oh, no, I can't remember. For some reason, I think he wasn't eligible for some reason. Oh, okay.

I thought he won. I don't know. I just don't friggin' know. The Minnesota Lynx are 7 and 2 on the season now. Fire. They defeated the Phoenix Mercury by 34 points last night. You following the links, see, Willie? Love the links.

Yeah? Yeah. Olivia Miles is that she's a real deal. She's a player, isn't she? She is. Fire. Yeah. unstoppable.

And they're doing all this still without the main... Neficia. Yeah. Without her main... Their superstar player. Thank God they bought Howard in. That girl is... She's fired too, man.

Yeah. They're going to be deadly when she comes back. The NBA final final starts tomorrow night, and we can get into that tomorrow. But just a quick little side note. So a big center for the damn Knickerbockers. Mitchell Robinson. He'll be having to deal with that Wembe-Byomba moron for a waron for a while now. That's true.

Wimba yami? But they made it to the finals. Big Cat is killing it. The Knicks? I'll be rooting for the New York Knicks. I am rooting for the Knicks. I can't root for San Antonio. Okay. Mitchell Robinson broke his pinky a couple games ago,

but he's going to have to play. You know, you've got to get in there and try to play some defense on Wemba Yamba. Mitchell Robinson also has a terrible time at the free throw line. He's awful. Like a lot of big men, he's terrible at the free throw line.

Just can't figure it out. You got the Shackelitis? Yes. Randy Schaeber will enjoy this. Former NBA all-time great Rick Berry. Oh, yeah. Underhand free throws. At 82 years old, he's still around.

And he's been pushing this on players for years, and this is his next chance. Rick Barry has come out and said, if Mitchell Robinson wants to make his frigging free throws in the stupid NBA finals, he should start doing granny shots like I did. Yeah. Because Rick Barry always threw his free throws, underhand granny shots. And I think he shot those at like 90%. Career 89.3%. Wow.

14 years in the friggin NBA, shot near 90% from the free throw line by doing the old granny style. He was not embarrassed at all. No. Oh, no. That was actually a part of the game. Yes. All my buddies, we all copied Rick Berry.

We never had the guts to do it in a real junior high game or anything like that. But man, if you were talking about playing pig out on the driveway, everybody was learning how to shoot the underhand shots like Rick Berry. And like I said, Rick Berry's been pushing this for years. He tried to tell Shaq to do it. He's tried to tell all these other players, try it, you know. And what did C. Willie Miles just said, he was never embarrassed by his granny shot.

Rick Barry. And that's part of what he throws into this comment directed at Robinson. He said, throw your ego in the friggin' closet. It's about how often you can make the shot. Who cares what you look like? Right. Right. I don't think Mitchell Robinson will go along with it, but it's a fun idea. A lot of missed opportunities for a lot of guys could have been much better players, higher scores. If Shaq could have made just, you know, 65% of his free throws. It is. Think of the points he could have had. Aside from the flopping and the foul baiting, which is ruined to the National Basketball Association.

That's my biggest pet peeve. My second biggest pet peeve is they've just disregarded traveling altogether. Oh, my God, that's another one. The stepbacks and the side steps and the four or five different. And now you completely... Gather step. Gather step. You can completely pick up your pivot foot now.

And no one says the third biggest pet peeve watching the NBA is how awful the free throw shooting can be. It is so fron. I have no respect for a person who plays professional basketball that cannot make a free throw. See, Willie, do you remember, Willett Chamberlain was a terrible free throw shooter? And I always used to, I could never figure out, he never stood on the line. He was like two feet behind the line. So he made that free throw shot instead of being, what, 10 feet or whatever it was? It was like 12 feet.

12 feet. 13 feet. Well, I think it was because he needed to extend his arms. Right. And I think, you know, when Chamberlain's arms were fully extended, you know what I mean? He needed to move a little, yes. The ball looked like an orange in his hand. That was the funny part.

That's what I remember growing up as a kid. I loved Will Chamberlain. But he was, in fact, I had a friend who in middle school would never stand on the line because he was such a Chamberlain. guy. We always said, what are you doing? You stand on the line. You know, you finish on your toes, all that kind of stuff. He threw the brick, just like Chamberlain, two feet behind the line. But that's how Wilt shot the free throws. Yeah, he did it right, old Wilt. Off the court, too, he did it right. Oh, God. 23,000 times. He did a lot.

He did a lot. How lucky. Man. Didn't they bronze that thing after he died? Did they just pull it off of them and bronze it and put it in a... Yeah, they're going to study it. You know, we had a conversation earlier about lucky charms as far as sports goes. See, Willie Miles had a lucky pair of wristbands. Dana's mother would pop his back knee before every game. I forgot what he said.

No, that was it. That was it. Some guys eat a certain meal. You know, the whole smear. Listen to this now from sit down, Waldo. Jesus. Here's what he's claiming. He says he's got a pair of purple fruit and a loom underwears.

They're 35 years old. At least. He's been wearing them. He's been wearing them for every Vikings game. For the last 35 years. That's the reason why we're not going to do in the Super Bowl. Oh, God. How are they not just disintegrated?

He said they are very worn out. It's just a skirt at this point, the undercarriage is just burned up. It can't be an elastic left. They're full of holes. Worn the F out. He said, one day he had to go to the ER and he was wearing his damn lucky Vikings drawers. And whatever was wrong with him, he had to get examined down there. He said the nurse got quite a kick out of the disgusting drawers that he was wearing.

Oh, I bet that's just brutal to look at. Not so sure I'd be proud of that, but that's right. It's been funny. I'm sorry, we've got to cut them off. Jaws of life Oh God I told you before Cut him off

Just pour water on him Right The cindergrey I told you before That my old man Would wear a pair of underwears Until I mean come on And he spent most of his time at home

Walking around in just his underwear That's what my dad did too And I would have to say I would have to say Look dad I can see Right through those damn things Translucent

They are That is so much that generation I swear My father, he would come home from work, and the next thing I know, he's walking around in his wighty-tidey. That's all he's wearing around the house. Oh, and then your friends come over and you're embarrassed. It's just like, oh, my God. My dad, my dad was the boxer guy.

Okay. He's saying, a muscle shirt. Boxers. You come over. My dad would look at you like, well, you're in my house. Yeah. Wife Peter and a pair of boxers? Oh, absolutely.

I bet he looked like a tough cat in that outfit. I bet he did. With a Winston cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Always with the cigarette. That's out of the corner. All three of our dads were heavy smoking. Oh, my God. No kidding.

Cubby's dad was a smoker. Wasn't he? Yeah, yep. When did he finally quit? About 20 years before he passed. Oh, well, good for him. Yeah, he and my mom quit at the same time. They were chain smokers.

I mean, I lived in a house with four, sometimes five adults, and they all were. But my old man with the underwears. And then, you know, the white was no longer an option. And I think you know why. I think you can guess why the whitties were no longer an option. Okay, there were some secrets being given away. So he starts to mix up the colors. And I don't know, maybe he was colorblind.

He just, like, turquoise and just these awful colors. Just like an aqua green. I mean, just, good Lord. you're not a speedo model just get black just go get the black ones Yeah who are you trying to impress It was horrific

And then But the worst was when he eventually graduated to boxers Now the material So much thinner And that's where after time They became translucent Right

It's like I can see Everything that you've got going on down there right now Absolutely Until the bitter end He'd hang on to the bitter end It was horrific Oh man

It was disgusting. He did not care. Oh, God. And girlfriends who did not know him who would be at the house would just be horrified. I would be horrified. I never had people over. If people came, my friends came, we just sat out on the front porch. And they'd be like, we're going to go inside.

It's hot out here. No, man. My dad could walk through the house at any time in his box or you don't need to see that. All right, Randy Schaber, get some sleep, will you? I will. Thank you so much. Of course. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

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763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. One night with Stiney. One night with Stiney. Shout out. Fullson, Nell. This is just about me being myself.

It's going to be chaotic. I can't guarantee anything. All I can guarantee is that you're going to be entertained. I'm going to join an OVO. You can keep DMing Drake or keep paying. By the way, I like O'Neill. I know that. I know you DM Drake all the time.

I know. How do you know that? You paid me $3,000 on Venmo one time to text him for you. Dude. One night with Stiney. One night with Sine, baby. Let's go. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

The 93X half-ass morning show. Oh, I'll tell you what. Here we are. There you are. We've even got our pal in studio, world-class entertainer C Willie Miles. Thank you for coming in, Willie. Morning.

Good morning. Morning. And thank you, folks, for listening to the Half-Ass Morning show. let's see where we can go from here. I think this is a... That's the only way at this point. Can things only go up from here? Up.

I think we can likely go back and forth with this. Back and forth we go. And our listeners as well are obviously free to text. 651-989-933, our Luther Kia of Bloomington text machine, don't you know? Here it is. Who's the cheapest person you know and the cheapest thing that they're, they do. Does anyone come to mind right away? The cheapest person you know, the cheapest thing that they do. Easily an uncle of mine. Talk to me about your uncle. I love the guy, but he is very cheap

and he is also very interested on what you spent on something, why you would spend that, and how he could have got you a discount. Oh, that's the worst. I love it. I love it. I know he means, well, honestly, one of my favorite people. It drives my brother in particular crazy. But why do you you need something like that. Why would you do that? That's kind of his thing. When he enters your home, he checks out your, what's the word I'm looking for? Like you'll look at your TV. Right. Did you need one that big? He's always got to comment on something.

Especially when you're happy and proud of the purchase, you know, you're feeling good about it. And then somebody's got a Debbie Downer of you. That sucks. I mean, he's like a, he's a big saver. He's very responsible with money, but he's very cheap to the point where he pissed off a car dealer. And he went to, he wants no friends. whatsoever. And he wanted a new pickup truck. He, you know, he works. He's a maintenance guy. He needed a pickup truck. But he did, you know, he ordered a had to special order. He didn't want a four by four, right? He just wanted the rear wheel drive. I'm not going to pay for

four by four by four. I don't, they're not going to pay for that. Also, he said, I don't want power windows. So either you don't charge him for me or you get the crank windows. And he didn't want to pay for a radio. Oh my God. So it's like he, like I said, bare bones. It's a work vehicle. And it's not like he, no, that's his personal vehicle. No joy. No music. What do you suppose is the source of this, Josh? Well, you know, we grew up poor and so did he.

But he, I don't know, he's just, he doesn't believe in any comforts whatsoever. Okay. I'm going to struggle through. I'm going to save the, probably, you know, in a way, maybe it would cost a guy more to order a special order a car that comes different than the ones they made. Is this the type of guy who's going to die with a hill of money? Could be. Because he's never allowed himself any joy, any fringe, you know. Yeah, there's no unnecessary expenses.

That sucks. Cheapest person you know, and what do they do? Anyone else? How many cheap people in my life? You've got an uncle, too? Oh, my God. Yes. He's horrible.

I mean, and he's dead now. And I didn't know where he's at because of the way he was. But the man took, you know, when you kids. And we had a crew of people. So me and my brother and then a cousin in his brother We had a little cleaning crew, right? You know, rake yards do all this kind of stuff cool So my uncle had a huge yard. I mean, I'm talking something like four acres and it trees and everything so we Go and he wanted us to break up all the leaves bag it up and he was gonna pay us so it was a bigger job than we could handle so we hired the other kids from down the street so we can buying our company, we put together a nice little LLC.

Word. So we can do this work together. And we raked this man yard. I mean, we, it was all day. I bet. All day. Big job. Bagged it all up.

We spent money on new rakes. We got black bags. We went into coffers and spent almost everything we had in the coffers, man. And this dude, he got done. It was seven of us. Do you know this man came out and said, you guys did a great job? He reached in his pocket, and he had so much money. But he was so cheap.

First of all, it was like 100. He flipped past 100. He flipped past some 50s. He flipped past some 20s. He flipped past some tens. Flip past the fives and got to ones and gave us all like $3 each. $3 each. Eight hours we were out there.

I came back. I was fit to be tired. I told my dad, my dad said, well, did you get a quote before you did the work? Oh. I'm like, we're eight. We're eight, dad. And this is our damn uncle. My dad goes to, you'll learn.

You know, I'm like, this is not how. And my dad, he just, I hated the guy. I hated him forever. And I remember when my mom called me and said, yeah, your uncle Corey died. And I said, so how's everybody else doing? I was in college. I was in college. And my mom said, you have got to let that go.

I go, never. Never. I certainly know some cheap people, specifically when it comes to tipping bartenders and wait staff. I've seen some embarrassing things in that department. But what comes to mind is this. You know the new gimmick now where you can get instant updates on your credit card activity? You know, maybe on your cell phone.

You can get instant updates on any expenditures that you're making with your credit card or your check card or whatever it's called. That's great. I know a guy who he and his wife were not together for a weekend. She went out of town, right? Not that they broke up, but his wife, this is a, I should have just gone this way and I couldn't come up with it. His wife left town one weekend. And he's got his cell phone there, and he's keeping an eye on every frigging dime she's spending while she's out of town. And it came to this where he ups and dials her on the telephone, dials her up and says, yeah, what's that,

$6.86 he just spent at the gas station. What was that for? And she says, for Christ's sake, I got a can of chew and a pop, you know what I mean? She chews tobacco, skull. She says, I got some chew and a pop.

But that's what he does. He sits and keeps an eye on it and then questions every, what was that, what was that 10 bucks he just did there? What was that? Some weird behavior. What the F is a matter with you? Why do you want to put yourself or your wife through that?

I know better than the question. Jesus. Barsaw Jesus said if my mother owes me $99.85 and hands me $100, she wants that 15 cents back in a meeting. It's so annoying. You know, people are texting in the same thing. I love it. I've heard friends who are in the trades talk about,

that sometimes the richest people are the cheapest. They saw they got rich. Yeah. And also, it seems like a lot of rich people don't have to pay for stuff, right? Because folks want to be on their good side. People are taxing in about some local celebrities that are pretty cheap when it comes to tipping and stuff like that. Yeah, you know, so the text machine is rolling now. 651-9-893-93.

If you want to tell us about the cheapest person you know and the cheapest thing that they do, here's a few answers that came smooth off the Internet. Oh, and I remember these days when I was living up in St. Cloud, I had roommates. And you learn pretty quickly which of your roommates is a generous person and which of them is absolutely not. True story. The way some of my roommates back then behaved, I mean, they refused to allow

me to borrow a splash of milk so I could make a proper bucket of macaroni and cheese. That's ridiculous. The dude said absolutely not. I said a splash of milk, nope. I mean, it created some problems. Here's a situation where a

dude with roommates was so effing cheap, he would weigh his shampoo body, You get a house full of four or five dudes all using the same douche. He would weigh his shampoo bottle to ensure that no one else was using his shampoo. That's incredibly petty. Older folks who go out for a burger, they would order their toppings, lettuce, onion, pickled tomato. They would order that on the side and then bring that home to use for a future salad.

My wife's grandma was like that. So they could turn that one burger meal into a possible second meal. Anybody who had any leftover food, anything on the table, I mean, if there's ketchup, mustard, salt, whatever, she's going to take that home from a restaurant. Oh, yeah, I used to, one of my buddies growing up, his mother was the type when we'd walk into a McDonald's. She would start sweeping all the ketchup and mustard and relish and all that into her purse.

And then we'd eat dinner at their house, and she'd be giving you the McDonald's ketchup. Come on. And you guys know how much I love my mother-in-law. Talk about her all the time. She's a sweetheart. So sometimes I go up there on my days off on Mondays, and she goes to coffee with her friends.

They're all in their 80s and 90s, right? So I go to coffee with them because I know every single one of them has been to my show, and I love them all. And I go to have coffee with them, and we get done. It's like seven ladies and me. And I'm like the rock star sitting at the, the table with these older women. I go, you know what?

Coffee's on me today. You know, you know what? They all said, oh, no, no, you can't. I'm not going to let you pay for my car. I had toast and everything. I mean, it's like, combine. Combine. It was like $20.

It was $20. I was like, you know what? I say, hey, mom, would you tell them I got this? Right. I'm good. I'm good. And she goes, oh, they're not going to let you pay for all that. I gave the woman.

I gave the waitress. $30 and she tried to bring me to change back I said keep I said no no that's for you they're all in that mindset she was like oh that's way too much of a tip that's more than I'm like man hey I got I got this it's for some people right you know for some people even if even if they have money and they're making a comfortable living $20 makes them nervous like this buddy of mine I was telling you about he was nervous about his dollar his wife spending $8.88 at a gas station And obviously there's a difference if you're broke. You're on a tough time.

Of course. Being cheap would be more. You could easily afford it. Yeah, we're not talking about broke. We're talking about cheap here. We've all been there where you just have no choice. Property line Jesus, he's bar saw Jesus' brother, the guy who said if you give your mom, your mom wants that 15 cents back immediately.

He said, that's my brother and I would agree with his comment. Mom is that cheap. Do you believe that this, do you believe, I mean, some of this, I don't know, someone who reuses dental floss multiple times. Oh, come on. He keeps it draped over the bathroom mirror to dry. That's pretty gross. It's like 99 cents, man.

Trailer fixin Jesus says, plus you're only supposed to floss like when you go to the dentist or the day before. Ten minutes before your appointment. Trailer repair Jesus said his aunt will use scotch tape, tape holes, and plastic grocery bags so she can still use them. Oh, my God. We give her crap for it all the time. You can take as many as you want. Yeah, they haven't yelled at me yet. The dude who cleans his entire car at the gas station with the squeegee.

Oh, I did that over the college. I've done that before. No, you did not. Our washes are expensive. Up and down the car with the squeegee and the windshield washer for it. Yeah, when I really needed, I did that once. Going to pick up a cute girl in college. I'm like, I can't pick her up in this.

This was date-related. That's hilarious. And I was double fist and I was using two squeegees to the speed. I would feel like a total J. Brone. Oh, I definitely did. And you could tell, too, because there's blue streaks all over the car. That looks stupid. Here's a guy who says he knows someone awful cheap.

His buddy was teaching his daughter to drive, and he told her, never make a U-turn because it wears the tires out quicker. Oh, man. Come on, man. Loosen up a little bit. That's a hell of a lot of fun. FAS morning show, 93X. All right, we're getting there.

We were talking about the cheapest sum bitch you know. We got a lot of text messages pouring in. Who's the cheapest person you know? What's the cheapest thing that they do? Every time I get over my uncle, somebody brings it up again. Thanks a lot, Nick. You made me rehash that. You went and cleared out your uncle's backyard, bagged up all the leaves,

and he wanted to give you, what, $3 for eight hours of work? We were already $25 in debt. You bought new rakes. We didn't even break even break even. You bought the trash bags. You didn't come close to breaking even. A lot of folks texting in about their grandparents or parents or aunts or uncles who reuse zip lock bags or rinse out paper towels and hang them to dry for future use. And again, we're not talking about broke.

We're talking about cheap. Right. Talking about people who have the means, but are just tighter than a frigging drum. you use a paper towel on the kitchen counter and you hang that some bitch to dry for future use. That would cause me to have the messiest kitchen in the world because I love paper towels. I use paper towels for everything. Me too. Same here.

Like way too many of them probably. Now, I don't know. I'm not a cheap person, but my back left pocket of any pair of my pants, look right here. Look right here. Look what I pulled out, Josh. I have a paper towel. 100%. That's a nice one. Oh, wow.

because if I use it like just for sweeping some dry nonsense off the counter, I will then fold it up and put it in my pocket in case I need to use it at work or something. But I use a lot of paper towels. I do. What are we got here? What are some other answers here? Dude needed his car moved on the driveway. Okay, this is a young person. His dad said, hey, I need my car moved on the driveway, but don't waste gas.

Put it in neutral and push it. Got to be kidding me. What, two seconds of gas? Right, no. They just put it in neutral and push it. He had a pickup truck. He needed mud flaps. Instead, he used doormats.

Just cut them up. Oh, no. My grandma would reuse McDonald's bags as gift bags. Oh, they're not. They get so greasy. Everything would just reek like McDonald's. Oh, I wouldn't say reek. That's great.

And then she'd expect them back. Sweet. So she could use them the following Christmas. Oh, I like when. Somebody gives me a gift and they want the bag back. So it's like, okay, great, I don't have to throw this away. Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, oh, yeah, great, I'll save these bags.

And then I never reuse them. They just sit in a cupboard in my basement. I got an uncle who's a multi-millionaire still to this day. He'll swing by the neighborhood Super 8 and steal their continental breakfast. My grandma was so cheap, she'd line her purse with plastic and then go to the buffet in town and throw chicken and potatoes in there. I'm not a cheap person when it comes to going out with my friends. In fact, I'm pretty generous and consider myself a good tipper, but one time I pretended it would just be the biggest cheap skate.

A buddy of mine, we're Saturday, we're out watching a ball game, and there's like half-price apps, so we share some apps. I'm drinking beers. He doesn't drink, so he just has a Diet Coke going. And when it comes time for the bill, I pick it up, of course, because I had seven, eight Coors lights, and we split the apps. It only makes sense. The tab comes out, and I'm kind of looking at it.

I'm kind of like Hemming and Hahn, and I go, you know, I don't mean to be a but you didn't offer me in your Diet Coke, so could you chip in a buck 75 for the Diet Coke? I've seen buddies argue over dollars. Yeah, one or two dollars. I didn't have, I only had one of the mozzarella stick, so I don't think we should split it equally. I've seen that.

It drove me crazy. Now, it doesn't happen anymore. Just pay for it. But when we were young, when barely any of us really had a pot to piss in, it would be maddening, though, because a dude would say, well, you know, remember three weeks ago when I borrowed you $3?

And this would go on. They go back and forth. Well, yeah, I remember that. But remember five weeks ago when I gave you for just, come on, you guys. Really get to do this? It's embarrassing. I did this one time, and I don't mean to sound boozy or nothing, but it was after one of my comedy shows. And I was walking by a table.

And you know, there's people that order drinks and then everybody trying to split up the drinks? Yes. And trying to figure out, well, you had this and you had that. And they all had, like, a couple of drinks. each or whatever. It was a table full of women. It's like five of them. And they were just trying to divide it up, you know. And then they wanted the waitress to

break it down and give each one of them a ticket. I walked by and I looked at them and they were still doing the math. The waitress were standing there like you guys need to leave because that's another show. Yeah. And they were trying to still do the math. I swear, I walked by and looked at it. I said, ask the

waitress out, how much is it? She goes, the total bill is $66. I gave her $100. I just threw 100 on the table. Get these people out of here. I said split it up amongst them. Pay it all off. And then the rest is yours.

She goes, see, Willie, thank you so much. And the girls are, but yeah, okay, but who gets somebody to change? And she goes, none of you. That's not your money. Yeah. He's just buying your drinks. Now they want to split up the change. They want to split up the change.

Dear God. Here's a listener whose uncle gave him $1 for his high school graduation. Oh, yeah. I had one of my brothers. He showed up to my high school graduation and gave me a card. It's beautiful. There's nothing in it. And then a thing of bubbles.

You're talking about a little can of bubbles that you blow? Well, that's fine. I mean, they were a little cooler because it was the one with like the wand. Oh, the wand. What he gave you was whimsy that day. Yeah. Hmm. Thank you.

I've always, always wanted these. John, dear Jesus wants to know, Josh, how much for one rib? How much is a cup? Yeah, there are some cheap folks out there. Tons. Reusing. Well, I mean, I think, I don't know, maybe you guys know this, maybe you don't. If you go to a Golden Gopher football game these days and you buy a bag of popcorn,

you get free refills during the ball game. I hear that a lot of people take that bag, put it in their jacket, and if they come to the next week's ball game, they bring that, you see what I'm saying? Oh, come on. It's not even that expensive in the first place. That reminds me, I'm going to stop by the movie theater. I get some popcorn. I love movie theater popcorn, too.

I love movie theater popcorn, too. I mean popcorn every day. Which made me kind of cringe when I read that, you know, there are people who will pop their own popcorn before they go to the movie theater and put it and, you know, hide it in a whatever, you know. Instead of buying the movie theater popcorn, they bring their own from home. Warm and fresh. Get that butter on there, layered it up and salt it up and get some chocolate cover raisins.

and party. Ooh, you have popcorn almost every day, Cubby? Every day. Oh. Without exception. Well, I love it, too. I do. But just movie theater popcorn.

Oh, it's the best. It might take years out of your life. I make myself sick off that stuff. I do. I love it so. And I won't eat nothing less than a medium. Oh, yeah, I can wipe out so much of it. It's obscene.

Are you guys like me where we'll finish your popcorn before the previews even starts? I try to. Absolutely. Like, not even the movie starts. The previews haven't even started yet. I've wiped out the popcorn. And go get another one. My wife eats it.

She eats, like, different stuff, but she eats popcorn every day, too. And I can always tell because I've never met. She eats like one kernel at a time. Oh, I'm the same way. Oh, I'm handfuls. But she spills all over the place. Like, there's trails. Eating one at a time.

She says it's because she has long fingernails. I don't know what's going on, but she spills it. It's like a little kid. It's unreal. There's popcorn all over a house and it has nothing to do with me. And again, I'm like two-fisting this stuff. Just trying to get it all in. As fast as I can, as much as I can.

How about this for cheap? This is great. This is very unique. Retired ice girl, she says. Her dad shovels the snow in the winter into his pool. So then it melts in the spring and he doesn't have to use water to fill the pool up. You see what I'm saying? It's kind of smart if it works.

That is kind of smart. Honestly, yeah. That's expensive to fill your pool up. God, damn. I've heard that before. I would cheap out that way, too. You just wait until the neighbors out of town and use their hose. That's actually kind of brilliant.

You use their hose? Don't put a pool in. It's like three days later. It's still not full. You know what? Some of this maybe should be better defined as thrifty. Exactly. Maybe some of it should be better to find as thrifty.

It's kind of fun to talk about. But yeah, to me, that's genius. We got to say one last one. I have a friend who's grandma. When they're out at a restaurant, she goes, the last time I was here I left a pair of black sunglasses where I left my umbrella. And I go, oh, is it this one? Oh, my God.

That's it. Thank you. Oh, really? Yeah. Bastards. You guys know this person, too. I don't know if she wants me to share it on the air, but I'll tell you afterwards. Oh, you got to tell me.

Fair enough. See, Willie Miles. We got to go. Thanks for coming in. My pleasure. Always. I'm grateful to see you. Congrats to Isaac on your last day elementary school.

By the way, guys, he hit his first home run last week as well. Sweet. Awesome. From your proud dad and proud mom. Chaos Coordinator, Sheezis. 93X. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh.

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