93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Full-Assed Morning Show

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

Originally Aired January 30, 2026: Cheers > Your wife going into labor. Poop boot. Everything you wanna know about the museum of personal failures.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 90 reacts to a half-assed morning show. 90. Who touched my stuff? Nobody touched your stuff.

Did you guys touch my stuff? I was very careful to make sure nobody touched your stuff. Did someone sit in my chair? Nobody said. Nobody would do that. You know, I don't like it if anyone sits in. Terms. We almost felt disrespectful being here when you weren't here.

Nobody touched any of your stuff. It was a shrine left for you. Well, we'll get to the bottom of this later. I guess. For now, I suppose I ought to welcome everybody. And all of y'all to the 93X half-ass morning show, the Friday edition. Despite not being able to sleep for Dick last night, I thought maybe I was feeling well enough to come in and help you as hump away on the final final.

You look better than you did on Tuesday. Did I not show up for support? Had it look so good on it? No, your eyes were like barely open. You look like maybe two, three times better than a normal person when usually you're like 10 to 20 times better than a normal person. So you still look great, just not as good as you usually do. I'd like to hug you.

I'm sorry. Sorry, that just was something I was feeling. Keep your friggin' mitts off. Okay. Because I know somebody sat in my chair. Nobody sat in your chair. Nobody sat there. Appreciate all that, cubby.

I mean, I really want to hug you. No, stay away. I still might be. You're not contagious. You don't think so? You know what is contagious? Probably know. The love from a hug.

The love from a hug is contagious. Boy, you're right about that. And I'd like to infect you. It spreads. Hugs. The love created. Because Ashley and Dana are going to see this and they're going to want to hug each other. He's right.

Which is inappropriate, Dana, and I'm turning you into H.S. It comes off a little creepy, but the son of a bitch is right. Hugs are contagious. Dana talked about Fast and Furious while you're going. Sorry, Dana, I didn't want to. And soccer, I didn't want to turn you in, but I had to tattletail. I don't give a rat's ass what anybody talks about on this program. What I'm not here, I don't give two pops.

No, I don't care. Oh, God. It's wonderful to see everybody again. I didn't think I was going to make it. I didn't either. You said you were disappointed. You told me and Ashley, you thought this was it. I thought I was off the hook.

But my immune system made some kind of a comeback, and we're getting there. We're getting there. Oh, while I was gone, Josh, did you talk about, did you talk about nighttime boners? No. Did you talk about men who with larger penises are more attractive to women? We did not. For obvious reasons, I don't want that out there. Did you talk about how society would be different if penis size was as obvious as boob size?

We did not? Did that be crazy? Did you talk about the hung smile where a woman can tell that a guy, packing heat by his smile. What? No, we... No, we kept a lot of stuff for when you got back. Good, because my wife and I are having a couple over tomorrow night, and I need some material for dinner conversation.

You got a lot of stuff. Okay, I'm going to bring this stuff home. Yeah, lead with comment on whoever's coming over, if they're a female, comment on their boobs, and then you can just bring up, hey, you know, your boobs are so big. What if we could tell with penis? Right. Okay, you didn't cover any of that.

That's good. put this in my back pocket and I can use it tomorrow. Did you talk about Lionel Richie and Earthwind and Fire? They got a show. No, but I figured you'd be pretty excited about that. I'd imagine you'll be there, right? What's in June?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I should take my mom. She would love that. Earthwind and Fire and Lionel. What did you talk about? You talked about the Fast and the Furious? You talked about soccer?

You allowed all that just to... You allowed all that? Dana, you know, we had to, Dana, we said, now's your chance. Now's your chance. You got to bring that stuff up right now. Get it over with, because when you come back, which somebody pointed out, I was going to mention, today is Radio Easter, as Radio Jesus passed on, and three days later, he's back. Oh, God.

So, Radio Easter today. I was kind of hoping in a way that it would be today for that reason. What the hell are you talking about? You know, it's been a weird week, and I think my brain hasn't been working, but I'm only home, yesterday. I'm like, you know, if he comes in tomorrow, it'll be Radio Easter. We could celebrate it every year. Oh, my God. You're back to your brain, Josh. My goodness.

You're talking about back from the dead? Yes. Ah, B. Ashley and I might have to bring up what you told us off air. Oh, no, which one? It's not. It was creepy, I thought. Oh, yeah.

Wasn't it really creepy? It was creepy. I was sharing something with you guys personally. Can we throw it into the mix? Yeah, might as well. Because I'm saving all this boner talk for my personal life. I did think it was going to be creepier if that makes you feel better. I don't think it does actually.

The way you set it up, I was like, oh no. Josh told us off air that he woke himself up, bawling. Yeah, well, I did. He was bawling, weeping in his sleep. Did they call that a lucid dream where I was aware? And I mean, I really felt like, I don't remember the last time I bawled. It's good for you. Got to get a good cry in everyone's.

Getting it out. I think just, you know, it's been a weird week. I don't know. I just didn't. It was like one of those things where I was really going for it. And I don't know if it probably wasn't out loud because my wife would have said, what the hell is going on? Like, do I need to put you in a straitjacket? But it was, we talked about the movie Creed yesterday or the day before.

It's kind of a blur at this point. And Ashley wasn't familiar. with it, you know, and, you know, spin off of the Rocky franchise. Of course. We mentioned so many times how much Rocky meant to us growing up. And one of my all-time favorites. I love Sylvester Stallone. I love Rocky.

I love the soundtracks to the movies. But for some reason, in my head very loudly, the song Hearts on Fire from Rocky Forg. Yeah. Started playing in my head playlist. This is while you were asleep? Yeah, I thought it was John Cafferty. You mentioned maybe somebody else. What was his name, that idiot who did the St. Elmo's Fire song?

horrible song. John. Can you Google that? Who did Hearts on Fire from Rocky? But anyways. I thought it was the same guy who did the stupid St. Elmo Spire song. Was John Cafferty? Cafferty?

I thought that's who. Yeah, I thought that's who was. But anyways. Who did the St. Elmo Spire song? It's right on the tip of my tongue. I like that one too. Oh, it's a terrible song. Oh, really?

John. John Parr. Oh, yeah. You don't like John Parr? Oh. Anyway. So while you were. sleeping. The Rocky movie song, Hearts on Fire, that's from Rocky 4. Yeah. It creeps into your dream.

That's what you're telling us. Yeah. And it was like crazy loud in my head for whatever reason. Hearts on fire, strong desire. And I was get, sometimes like with music, I'm embarrassed to say it. Like I'll get a little choked up. I don't know, there's a note. A magic note when somebody hits it, I get a little choked up. It can happen. And then all of a sudden, right in front of me is Rocky. Balboa, not the character like a real life Rocky Balboa, still Sylvester Stallone, and he's kind of warming up for a fight. And I started thinking, oh my God, that's Rocky. And then Ashley was kind of next to me. And I was explaining, like, do you get it now? Do you see what I'm saying? As the music's playing, Rocky's warming up right in front of us. Did I get it? No, you didn't get it at all. And so you awoke from this Rocky Balboa hearts on fire dream. You awoke to yourself. completely weeping?

Very emotional. What the hell? I haven't slept. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I've never seen a man more stressed out this week than Josh. Even for your standards, Josh, it just, I felt awful for you. Like, I felt stressed out because of your stress.

I just felt terrible for you. I guess stress is infectious as well as hugs. You guys just need to relax. I told you over and over and over again, you'd be fine if I had to take a couple of days off. And from what I understand, you were better than better than fine. So just relax. I am a little concerned. I am a little concerned.

I feel like I should walk you into a treatment center after finding out that you awoke weeping. Well, I mean, it was Rocky and a song from the Rocky soundtrack. I mean, that counts. Did you guys? Yeah, I guess. I mean, I've woken up crying from dreams, but they're like brutal nightmares. Well, mine was just crying love. It was pure love for Rocky Valborra.

Did you guys thank this listener yet for sending in the Cheers Trivia game? No, I didn't see it yet. With the beautiful artwork they sent along with it? Yeah, what is that? I hadn't had a chance to see that. It's the Cheers game, the game of zany notes and quotes from the hit television show. it looks like maybe this game was produced in 1987. It's got a cute cover with all the cheers characters on it.

This all started last week. We had this really fun conversation about when Dana was a kid, he would ride his bicycle to the local Burger King, and he would meet bizarre grown people after they had a telephone conversation, they would meet at Burger King. Oh, it wasn't in a telephone conversation. It was AOL message boards and chat rooms. Okay.

America online. That's, dude, Dana. Oh. I wish I could go back and talk to you as a kid. That is so dangerous. Oh, I know. And your parents weren't involved at all? Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'm not suggesting something's wrong with your parent. I'm sure you just didn't say anything. You know, like you and you guys are kids, when you hop on your bike, they didn't really ask where you were going. You're just going to go ride your bike. That's a good point. It was different. But I was going to a Burger King to exchange VHS tapes with grown adults.

That's so nice of you that you don't blame his parents at all, Josh, because yesterday my husband texted Dana and basically told him that his parents didn't love him. And that is why they allowed him to go and do that because they wanted him to get kidnapped. You guys have met my parents. They're the most loving people in the world. They're so sweet. I find him to be a little cold. When people are from the show, like you guys.

and like our friends like Janelle Kleiner, see Willie Miles, they meet my parents. They kind of look at me and like, how did you turn out the way you are with such wonderful parents? Yeah, I had that thought. Although your dad, Nick, maybe only people our age are going to get this, but his dad did this to me. He extended his hand as if he were going to shake it,

and I went in, and then he just kind of combed the side of his hair with he lifted up his hand and he just left me hanging. Oh, really? Did you guys do that in middle school? Oh, yeah. Even your age, Ash. Oh, yeah. The old Arthur Fonzarelli move.

Oh, is that where it started? That's my assumption. That's hilarious. So anyway, sorry I blew up. It wasn't a telephone call. It was some kind of internet connection that Dana had. He's a kid. He's playing around on the internet.

Contacting adults. Then they would, Dana on his bicycle and the adult in their broken motor vehicle would meet at the neighborhood Burger King and then he would exchange WWF pay-per-views and whatnot on VHS. Yep. If you had something that they hadn't seen,

you would bring it and vice versa. And it was a really fun, funny conversation because of everything that Ashley and Josh were just noting how dangerous and how easily you could have been strangled to death or... Anyway, A listener really loved that conversation from a week ago,

said it was a great, fun, funny conversation. The laughs were needed. And so I think the old school vibe that we were given off, talking about trading frigging WWF VHS tapes back and forth, got him thinking about cheers. And maybe we talked about, Cheers in that moment. I don't remember. We were talking about that

like for Comfort TV. Well, Cheers came up because I mentioned that a buddy of mine who when you see something randomly, you think somebody would appreciate he always likes to buy it and send it to him. And a buddy of mine over the weekend, last weekend, sent me a set of Cheers trading cards. Oh. Oh, yeah. You'd open a pack of cards, like a baseball pack

of cards. But there's Cheers characters. Cheers was part of our conversation that day? Yes. Next thing you know, the guy sends us this 1987 Cheers, board game, trivia game. And this is Monster Matt, otherwise known as comic book geek Jesus. And the dude is a very talented artist. And he even drew a picture of what he thought your old WWF buddy would look like.

seen that. Oh, you have it? Oh, it's so great. That's perfect. That's like what I was picturing, too. Uh-huh. He drew a picture of what he thought your trading partner back in the day would have looked like trading WWF tapes back and forth with a child. With a 12-year-old. And, I mean, it's just hilarious. He's a good artist. Hilarious artwork. He created this slovenly looking man wearing a tank top. and sweat shorts. His tank top, for no good reason, says Foxy Grandma. Is that barely covering his stomach? Yeah, that's funny.

He's slightly overweight. His hair is awful. He's wearing a Hulkomania headband. Just a really fun, clever stuff here, Monster. Kind of gave me flashbacks, to be honest with you. Doer, were you ever uncomfortable? No. I honestly was his oblivious, and I was that big of a wrestling fan

that I was like, well, this is the way I need to do to get the tape I want to watch. Such an easy target. I know. He should be in a trunk right now. Like taking candy from a baby. So I'm not going to bust out the board game and whatnot, but Dana has mentioned before that he's a cheers junkie. I think we all are, aren't we? I certainly.

I enjoyed it. I like it quite a bit. I couldn't say junk. We watched it every night, you know. I know some stuff. I'm terrible at that. I fell in love with it as a child because my dad would watch it late at night. And sometimes, you know, mom would be asleep and I'd sneak out of my room and me and my dad would watch it together.

I didn't understand the concept of the show. I just liked that time hanging out with my dad, you know, kind of being rebellious and sneaking out of the room and watching the living room with them. When my husband's mother was pregnant with him, his dad was really into cheers. So they were watching a cheers episode, and she went into labor. and he made her stay at the house so he could finish the Cheers episode. Yeah, I think it was like the season finale too, so he didn't want to leave. Hold on. Just wait.

Pagels. It's a three-partner. Come on. By the time she got to the hospital, like, it was really fast. So there was some worry there. Did you say it was the final final? Yeah. I don't know if it was like the whole entire show, but I do know that it was.

as a season finale. What I meant, like the series finale. You don't know. It was a season finale. Yep. I mean, yeah, the show was, the show had a freaking stranglehold on all of America for a good 10 years. So I could try a couple of,

I think if you sat Dana and I down and we competed in some kind of a cheers trivia contest, I think it would be a hell of a good contest. Oh, yeah, you guys are both good at that time. I was all over that program. when it was hot, when it was current. And then, like I said, a week or two ago, at least I used to have a television channel that played the reruns for two full hours every weeknight,

and I tried to never miss it. So revisiting old episodes. Let me try some of these quotes on you, Dana. You tell me what Cheers character made the quote. Sure, there were little things I loved about him, his tattoo, the hair, in his ears, the way he drooled when we got it on. Oh, man, I'm trying to think.

I have no idea. I don't know that one. Is it Carla? No, that sounds like a Carla. Carla, talking about her ex-husband, Nick Tortelli, who was one of my favorite freaking characters. He was awesome. That dude was brilliantly funny. Absolutely.

There's a guy on a show called Animal Control that he kind of reminds me of Nick a little bit. You guys are watching that show. Yeah, well, okay. The boyfriend of the Australian girl. Oh, yeah, I could see that. I loved Nick Toratelli's delivery where it was always like, Loretta. All right, how about this one, Dana? You have to name the character who made the quote. Today, I'm going to do something unequivocally spontaneous. Is that Frazier? That would be Diane. makes me think of Diane because she uses the word unequivocally. I was thinking you'd guess Woody

because what a ridiculous statement that is. I was going to guess Woody. But Woody wouldn't know the word unequivocally. Right. Today I'm going to do something unequivocally unequivocally spontaneous. It reminds me of one of Josh and I, I think, share a love for this quote from Woody Harrelson's character

where, how does it play out again, Josh, where Diane asks Woody, Woody, do you believe in, what's the word? Is it premonition? Yes. Woody, do you believe in premonition? I think that's the right word. And Woody says, no, but I have the strangest feeling that someday I will. It's brilliant. I love those ones where you kind of have to think about it for a second.

That's just great writing right there. Oh, absolutely. Oh man Here's a quote for you Damn I must have worn the wrong pants Now I don't even have bus fare Is that Norm

That's Woody Ah shoot I was going to go Norm or Cliff and then Woody seems like somebody would take the bus We'll have to check this out Yeah he does Or rides a bike Maybe if all the piece

This is a board game from 1987 I don't know if it's In its full How should I say that, Josh? I don't know if it's a complete set. Complete set. But this could be something we need to bust out at a beer party. Has anyone ever gone to the Cheers Bar in Boston?

Did you go, Josh, when you were there? Oh, no. I'm an idiot. I didn't even think about it. Never been to Boston, Massachusetts. Does it look like the outside of the... The outside is the exact same as it is. The inside is a little bit different.

When you walk down there, the stairs to go in, the bar is different, but they have an upstairs bar that's a complete replica of the cheese. Cheers bar. Oh, cool. And that's cool. And they have a big gift shop and everything like that. Oh, of course. I know what they're doing.

I wonder how close I was, too, and I didn't even think about it. I'm sure you were in the wheelhouse for sure if you're in Boston. I've never been, but I've had people bring me things from the gift shop there. That's cool enough, I guess. Kind of like you, Dana, a lot of the memories for me were watching it with my dad and my uncles. And everybody would watch it together. And my one uncle in particular loved it, my uncle Mike.

and his laugh was awesome. But Nick, part of the reason he loved it so much is because Cliff reminded him so much of my uncle that you've met so many times. Like they're the same guy. They're so very similar. Just full of nonsense. There's always some sort of fact that's coming out. Maybe it's right. Maybe it's not.

Exactly. So thank you again, Monster Matt, otherwise known as comic book Geek Jesus. Thank you for the Cheers Board Game and the wonderful note and the artwork. I want to see some more of that guy's artwork. Yeah, dude, if you have some time. I wonder if he does some of that. Well, he said he was into comics, right? Yeah.

If you have some time, would you draw each of us? Oh, my gosh. That would be so sweet. Would you present to us a caricature of each of us? I think that would be, I mean, look at what the guy's done here. I'm sure he could knock it out of the park. Yeah, if you're listening right now, paint us like one of your French girls. It's a Titanic reference.

I got it. There you go. Awesome. What else is going on around here? Randy Schaber and Brad Reiter will be in the mix at 7.30. Oh, of course, Super Bowl is only a couple days away now, Sunday. Well, the Pro Bowl is only a couple days away. That's a real thing.

We got about a week for the Super Bowl. Yeah, I know. So stupid. I friggin' know. Yeah, my son, who I could probably use a little Godfather guidance for, after something he told me yesterday, but he's got a basketball tournament on Super Bowl weekend. We're going to Brainerd. I'm looking forward to that. It'll be fun. We're going to do some snowmobiling. I don't think I've snowmobiled since the last time you and I did.

So I might die on that. My daughter was very excited to go snowmobiling so she could buy a retro snowmobile outfit. Heck yeah? That was her excitement over it. When you're not watching poorly played junior high-level basketball, you'll be snowmobiling. That's the plan. So, yeah, I mean, they might have a game on Super Bowl Sunday. I'm shocked that they do something. You grew up playing sports.

Did that ever happen? Yeah, a couple times. Oh, it did. I just thought that was something that would never happen. Out of town hockey tournaments. There were a couple of out-of-town hockey tournaments, one specifically I remember in Grand Rapids, where we were forced to listen to the game on the radio on the way home.

But that's what happens when you play that championship game on Sunday. Yeah, they don't play the championship game early on Saturday. Oh, then we're going to be good. Yeah, I'll be at home in front of the TV. And when you get thumped, you know, in game one by White Bear Lake or something like that, you'll be home by Saturday night. Yeah, you're in the losers bracket and your tournament's over. But when you make it to the title game at all these out-of-town tournaments,

yeah, you don't get home until late on Sunday night. I'll be cheering for the other team. The loudest guy cheering for the other team. Yeah. You're yelling to put your son in the game because you know he's bad and he'll help the team lose. Put him in, coach. Put him in. I think he needs more minutes.

Not seen enough air balls out there. So before we go, this is really cute. Ashley mentioned her husband. This was when your mother-in-law was to give birth to your husband. An episode of Cheers, a season finale, delaying. the production. Yep. Because who was it that had to sit and watch the final?

His dad. His dad. I'm not going to the hospital until I wrap up this episode of Cheers. That's funny. Metal-gluing Jesus texted in. Said he was a ninth-grade kid. Hurt his wrist terribly playing basketball. Hurt real bad.

But because Buffy the Vampire Slayer was on television, and my dad loved that show. He made me wait until it was over to take me to the hospital. Turns out I did have a broken wrist. I wonder if that's something where mom is so furious. Dad had to sleep on the couch for a while. You know, when I get home from work, as you guys know, I immediately remove all of my clothing,

crawl under the covers in bed, and I just binge on garbush. on garbage foods until I'm unconscious while finger-banging the remote and trying to find something to watch. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is on every weekday around 10 or 11 in the morning, which is, I think it's around, I think it's at 11 a.m.

Because that's right when I get home, usually. And I know that show was wildly popular, and it's loaded with foxy ladies, right? So I've been trying to, I've been trying about five minutes a day of watching the show to see if I can understand it and see if it will drag me or draw me in,

it hasn't worked yet. Oh, at least you're trying. I'm trying. Because there's not a lot to choose from at that time, at least as far as my television service goes. So I've been trying to figure out what was all the hype about, aside from the Foxy Ladies,

and I can't figure it out. I wish I could help you. I usually can when it comes to pop culture, but I've never seen an episode of that TV show in my life. I haven't either. I saw plenty of commercials for it. And like Nick said, I knew it was a big show. And I know it has that kind of cult-like fandom.

I don't mean that in a bad way. But there are people that just absolutely love it and still watch it to this day. That's exactly why I wanted to give it a shot because I heard all this hype. Watch her in the cute gal, whatever her name is. We got to take a break. You're a wonderful crowd. Hope today's your Friday, too. And we'll kick things in the ass with the stupid news here in a few minutes on the Half-Ass Morning Show.

83X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special.

$45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bealky, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-L-E-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-L-L-A. L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you.

Next role with Vernon Davis, the transformative journeys of athletes, artists, and entrepreneurs. Ladies and gentlemen. Lights out. Sean Merriman. I want to be the biggest and the best one I do. And so whatever it takes,

I'll get it done in business and everything else. All I do is know how to fight and earn what I want. My man. Malik asks, what actor, comedian, what you want to collaborate with? Me, Jamie Foxley,

Kevin Hart, in a movie. We said it on Vernon Davis podcast then. So we'll circle back and be like, yeah, it's going to clear. Next roll with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. It's infectious, isn't it? Whatever you have? Bub, ba, ba, ba. Oh, that too. Yeah, that's a... Well, at least I hope it isn't. Well, they call that a banger.

I'll get stuck in your head. It just cranks. It grabs you, and it won't let you go. here we go with the stupid news report. It was only a handful of days ago, wasn't it? We were talking about our favorite local meteorologists. Oh, yeah. You guys are very opinionated about this.

Well, we got some good ones in town. I mentioned before. Ian Leonard, if there's ever a storm, Channel 9, that's where you want to go. He is awesome, like a tornado or something like that. I could probably just record that and watch it on a sunny day. sometime. Word life to Ian Leonard. Chris Schaefer?

Reese. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I jumped in. Yeah, Chris Schaefer also. He's the guy who digs all the hair metal. Yeah, he dressed up as, I forget which one of the members, but he dresses up like his kiss for Halloween. Oh, does he? We had him on once. He's hilarious. He's a funny guy. Really, really funny guy. Recently, we were talking about our favorite meteorologist. We mentioned Chris Reese, Ian Leonard,

Chris Schaefer. Belinda's Jensen. I don't think we mentioned Belinda last time. Oh, yeah, you're right. She's a wonderful lady. Very sweet. I met her at, you know, the Super Bowl coming up. I met her at a Super Bowl halftime party.

Do you remember that? We had one at, oh, you know, maybe you weren't there. It was at America's original sports bar. I never went to any of our lame radio station Super Bowl parties. That one was kind of lame. Well, you know what? I'll tell you what. You know, it's going to sound like I'm making fun of it.

But Belinda was there, which was awesome. She was such a, she's everything you'd want her to be in person. And Matchbox 20 was there. They performed for a while. We must have been the edge at the time. We played a lot of Matchbox 20. And Matchbox 20 came to town quite often. Gross.

But Rob Thomas, the lead singer, and I know you feel the same way, Nick. One of the coolest guys you could ever meet. I ended up drinking with him one night. And he is a wonderful, laid back, humble, all of what you probably wouldn't expect from him. No. He seems like he'd be quite the opposite, but he's really, he's like the type of guy you don't feel stressed to be around. Like, oh, man, this is a celebrity. I got to somehow impress him or whatever. He was one of the most easygoing characters I've ever had a. I saw him so drunk. We spent, like I said, he came to town a lot.

We were at Fat Tuesdays at the Mall of America. Wait, that's the one with all the frozen drinks, right? Fat Tuesdays? You're the one who used to go to oral sex contests there, not me. Oh, yeah, that's the one. Yeah, and he's not joking. They did have those there. But we were there for a really, I don't remember what we were doing there.

It was a fat, it was like a Fat Tuesday thing. And he fell off the stool. He got so hammered. Good for him. That guy can drink, man. He's like a cool guy to be around. Yeah, when I drank with him, he busted open a cooler of Heineken's. What was the situation for you guys?

He played a show here in town, and somehow, The gal I was seeing at the time had backstage access to meet the some bitch after the show was over. I didn't even want to go to the show because I don't enjoy that type of music. But I was already drunk when she picked me up, my girlfriend at the time. So I just kind of, you know. You went with it. Went along with it. I'm pretty beat.

I'm pretty drunk once this Matchbox 20 concert was over. and she says, well, now it's time to go backstage. I didn't want to go. We went back there, and I think the dude, this Rob Thomas character, was so burned out on giggling college girls that he was just looking for a bro that evening. Because it was me and 38 college girls back there. And he kind of waved me over and sat me down next to this cooler of Heineken.

and I did not need anything more to drink that evening. But we sat there and blasted through him and just jaw jacked for an hour to where my girlfriend had to tug me on the shirt and say, hey, these people here are looking to meet him. You can't just sit here and hog the guy. And I said, I'm not doing anything. I'm just sitting here. He did not want to play that rock star role that evening.

So I think he was just looking for somebody. And I found out he loved him. chewing tobacco. He loves Tesla. So we talked about fishing and chewing tobacco and drinking beer and hard rock. I'll bet anybody who has spent time with him would totally agree. I mean, if you're listening, maybe you met him someplace, he's the type of guy that, you know, he doesn't

think he's better than anybody. He's awesome. You're not wrong, and hopefully this doesn't come across as creepy. Remember, I was college age at this time. You went to a Matchbox 20 show. It's 90% college age girls. I mean, that's kind of what happened there. I've heard the same it's like We Fest, a lot of hot chicks, and there's certain shows like that that it's kind of known for it. We Fest is crazy. I did some things that We Fest I'm not proud of.

Oh, yeah? Am I right? Or is that, have I been told correctly? It's like just a crazy amount of attractive women. Just hot chicks and jeans skirts and cowboy boots and tank tops. I like it when girls wear cowboy hats. We Fest, Rob Thomas, Matchbox 20, Heineken. It's only natural.

that all of these subjects came up, seeing how our conversation started with meteorology. Yes. Well, you know, outdoor concerts. There you go, yeah. Pay attention to the weather. When you're at Wheat Fest, you've got to check the weather. It can be difficult sometimes to come back to the original subject,

but I love how we can fly off the freaking handle and zigzag our way throughout the universe. It's beautiful. This is why I enjoy working with the three of you. Yeah, I feel the same way. We've mentioned before, like, you know, we do prepare for the show. And the days that we don't get to anything we're prepared for are usually our best days. Yeah.

It's really interesting how that played itself out. We were talking about meteorologists. Meteorologists. A day or two ago, a meteorologist's Facebook page got a little wild. I'm old now. I don't go too long without watching the weather on my television. So I'm a fan of this stuff. The television weather lady whose Facebook page got a little squirly.

She goes by the name of Lacey Swope. She does her thing on a program called News 9 in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. You know, once I got a little too loose in Oklahoma City. What band, Mr. Big, what song, a little too loose, what record lead into it, what year 1991. There's a breakdown in that song you need to listen to if you haven't heard it. Track four side, too. Rules. The television weather lady, Lacey Swope, News 9, Oklahoma City. Apparently she was a little too vague when she made a request to viewers to send in their snow measurements after a snowstorm. She posted on Facebook and asked people to, quote,

send me your measurements and locations please. Oh no. So as you might imagine. Like there had to have been a producer or somebody that went, oh, what have you done? I have female friends that work in TV and broadcasting, and the stuff they get unsolicited is bad enough. When you put something like that out, you know,

and you can read it the wrong way, I bet it was just an absolute disaster. I can't even imagine. A snowstorm hit Oklahoma City. Lacey, the meteorologist, was looking for folks to send in their snow measurements. Her comment was too vague. She wrote, send me your measurements and locations, please. As you might imagine, folks jumped on the easy joke,

and they bombed her Facebook page with measurement reports on their rods and their boobies. And just your reports that you've been sending in, keep those coming. I made the mistake on Facebook. I asked for your measurements. I met your snow measurements. Thank you for everybody sitting in your measurements. But I do prefer how much snow you have on the ground. That's poor girl.

Yeah, no kidding. That's Lacey right there. No surprise. Dudes in town were all over this. And looking at photos of her, I'm not surprised. You're right. She's a very beautiful woman. Ferd, partly beautiful.

Most of these dudes. jumped on Facebook and told Lacey that they were hauling around. Talleywackers somewhere's between three and seven inches. She's looking for measurements. The boys, they're going to abide. One guy joked that it was too cold to get an accurate measurement. Yeah, it's not fair. Can you ask us this in the summer?

Chicks effed with her, too. They sent her measurements like 36, 24, 36. One gal in town even went this way. She said that she recently got two inches, which was a far cry from the four to eight that she was promised. That's so funny. So Lacey, the Weather Lady, got a kick out of all this inappropriate humor. She even shared a picture of herself holding a giant Vienna sausage.

What? That reminds me of your grandmother, Josh. Boy, did she know how to warm up a sausage. Oh, remember we found out about her? We liked to watch her warm up sausages when we were kids. Then we found out she was a whore. Gam-Gam. That's what we learned.

Yeah, gam, gam, pretty hot. Fun times in the meteorology department over there at Channel 9 in Oklahoma City. Do you guys remember, we played this clip many times over the years, a weather guy named Pete Bouchard. I think he's in Boston now. No. It's one of those things where, You know, you guys, I'm sure, doing this, it's happened where a joke comes out and you immediately go,

why did I say that? That was not right. I shouldn't have done that. He did this. Picking up some snow, are we? Yes, we are. The biggest amount that I could find, almost as big as me, about nine inches. Such a bad way to put that.

And he's the weather guy on a news television show. He's looking to get canned. You know what? You're right. You're right. He had a fight with the boss. that afternoon and thought he'd push, see if he could push it over the edge. Oh, man.

Someone stuck a big swelled-up suction-cup dildo to the clock tower in the center of town in a place called Algonquin, Illinois. They stuck a big suction cup dildo to the clock tower. There's pictures going round and round. You know, this is one of those times in my life where I was more mature and didn't think this was so funny, but I appreciate the effort, and I think that's pretty funny. What a fun thing to walk by if you weren't expecting it. What a cute little town, too.

They got a little clock in town square there. Yeah, it is cute. I agree. Algonquin. What a mess. Big reddish-brown, fake rubber pecker with attach balls. How common is that in the sex toy industry? Well, Josh, when you call me, you know, you have a photo for somebody.

You can set a photo for when, you know, they call or text. Oh, I know. I know you're going to say. My photo of you is you, when we somehow ended up with a suction cup dildo in the studio. I don't know how that ended up happening, but you put it on your head and it's stuck on your bald head. Oh, yeah, I've got that picture. Yeah, I don't appreciate that. You sent me a screenshot of like a text conversation we had once.

You noticed it? I'm like, wait, that's not cool. I've been meaning to change you, but it makes me smile every time. I apologize if it's offensive to you, but just know that it warms my heart, seeing that photo. Oh, that's good. Well, if it makes you happen. Yeah. Your question was, how common are attached balls?

Yeah. Very. They are. The majority of your suction cup dildos will have attached testicles, Josh. I wish there was another woman here other than Ashley, because I would like to ask if that adds something, you know, for the realism, if that matters to them or not. I don't want to hear that from Ashley, though. I don't want to have the answer to that anyway, so you're good. Big brown, fake rubber dong.

It didn't get slapped to the actual clock. It got slapped onto a lower part of the clock tower itself. But it was hanging there for a stretch of time. And everyone in town had to look at it. They couldn't help it. It's right off and there. Yeah, was that a window? It looked like maybe it was a window on that thing.

I don't know. Anyone who looked up at the tower to check the time saw it. Moms and grandmothers and little kids, religious people, everyone. Yeah, that thing was pretty large. I mean, you know what that is. But here's what grabbed me right away is the risk that this person took to slap that big bastard onto the clock tower. They must have scaled the building somehow and walked on their tippy toes on slippery snow-covered ledges and whatnot.

Yeah, it looks scalable. That's one thing I was wondering, too. Like, did somebody steal a fire truck to get up there or what did they do? But it does look like you could climb it. Yeah, but, I mean, my God. Dangerous. That's a long ways to go to make a dick joke. I know what you mean.

They could have fallen to their death. I appreciate the effort, but you're right. That's probably too much. I mean, it's possible, I guess, that someone licked. it, you know, to help the suction cup get more suckier, it's possible that someone licked that suction cup and then threw it up there from street level. That would be incredible. Oh, I didn't even consider that.

It would be a hell of a toss. But it's so perfectly placed also. The D and balls are hanging straight down. You know, if you just threw it up there and somehow luckily it's stuck, it might be sideways, the balls are on top. So I don't think that anyone threw it from street level. I mean, it's pretty high up there, but I'm sure somebody could do it. And get it to hang perfectly like that?

I mean, like, reach, yeah, reach the level. But, yeah, getting it to stick would be pretty difficult. So check out the pictures on our website of the suction cup dildo. Now, is that like for a shower? That's why you'd get something like that, the suction, in real life. Oh, you can stick it to the fridge. You can stick it to the hood of your car. You can stick it to.

There's food in there. No, the door of the fridge, you goofy back. Right behind the door, there's food and what. Oh, I've seen women stick it to the metal plate in their dead grandfather's head. Are you serious? The World War II injury? Yeah. So the local street crew had to get out a step ladder,

and they sent the new guy up there to remove the dildo with no hands. That was kind of dirty, but he's the new guys. Yeah. They sent him up. They've got a handful of options, I guess. They challenged him to pull it off the clock tower with no hands, and he got it done. Backdard it. Two stories off the ground.

Yeah, impressive. Baudet fishing guy, Jesus said they used to throw a suction cup dildos at the third-level windows at Maple Grove Senior High School. He said they had to make announcements to stop doing it because there was no easy way to get them down. I would love to have been the cause of that announcement to be made. Like the fact you didn't enough, they had to end up saying something. Yeah, right. So what would, I mean, I wonder what they'd say. Please stop throwing items.

Right. Yeah, I'm sure they wouldn't say suction cup dildos. Right. Like at St. Cloud State when I was a freshman, on the band list of things you couldn't have in the dorms, instead of staying beer bongs, they said, mass consumption devices. Oh, really? Yeah. That's fancy.

I know. I was like, oh, you're really classing it up here at Holes Hall. aren't you? Like what do they call Oneys? If you go to like a tobacco store, well maybe now you can just sell them but I thought there was like a name like a smoking device or a... Yep, it's called like a little one-hitter, yeah, a one-y. But I thought there was like a different name. No, no, you're trying to come up with the

unoffensive straightly. Yeah, the unoffensive name where it's like marijuana smoking device. Yeah, everybody knows what you're talking about. Oh, yeah, like you used to not be able to say bong at the smoke shop. You would have to say, oh, what was it? I'm thinking of it too, actually. Maybe a water pipe? Or tobacco or something.

Yeah, it was like you couldn't say it was like you used to smoke marijuana. They had one of those glass shops, they would say it was like, you know, a tobacco device. That was so weird. Everybody know, we know. Right? Especially because usually you would go in and smell like weed. And the person's selling it to you smelled like even more weed. So check out the pictures on 93x.com of that suction cup dildo hanging off the clock tower.

again, if this was a throw from the street, that would be miraculous. You know what I found to be miraculous when we were kids? You had those dudes who could hawk a lugie and spit up to the ceiling, and the lugie would be so thick it would hang but not fall back to the floor? Yeah, I forgot about that. When we were in high school, when we were in high school. Yeah. When we were in high school, when we were seniors,

this was the biggest mistake that Wise had a high school made in the 1989 year. They created something called the Senior Lounge, and it was part of the lunchroom. It was just a spaced off part of the lunchroom with chairs and couches and a television, and you could only go in there if you were a senior, right? Now, that's where me and my buddies would hang out when we would skip classes. and one of our favorite things to do was you go to the little snack bar you get two chocolate chip cookies

and two chocolate milks and of course that would create such a a mass of garbage in your mouth right? Viscous. I hate this. And then dudes would spit up on the ceiling and that luggy would start to fall

but not. I always thought that was... It's like a snag stalactite. Right. You're in a cave of I could never do it. I could never. I couldn't, no way I could hit the ceiling with my spit. No. I could spit gum pretty well, but not just spit.

Never. Did I ever tell you my chewing tobacco story from that senior lounge? Now, when you, chewers know this. When you eat like chocolate chip cookies and drink chocolate milk, like I said, it creates this, what did you say, viscous? Yeah. So, but nothing tastes better to me. when I was an 18-year-old kid.

Nothing tastes better than chasing all that chocolate with a big mint chew, right? A mint-flavored chew. So I'm sitting in that senior lounge, and I got my pop-can spitter, and I fired in this wicked big skull mint right after I had the chocolate chip cookies and the chocolate milk. And now I've got chew spit mixing in with just horrible, right? I have this just as abundance of disgusting saliva in my mouth. And I'm going to now spit into my pop can. And because of the thickness of it all,

I kind of miss the opening to the pop can, right? I kind of spit on my hand, and it's running down my, and I try to wipe it off with my free, and there's a strand hanging out of my mouth, and now it's wrapped around both of my hands. And I try to put the pop can on the table and I got some of it on my face. And I'm trying to wipe my face. Now I basically just bucockeed myself both my hands and my face with this horrible combination of chocolate milk and chocolate chip cookie, mucus, juice.

And I look up and a table full of girls had watched me do this the entire time. Were they grossed out? Oh, my God. Yeah, that sounds too. I'm grossed out just hearing about it. He looked at me as if I was an animal caged in a zoo. And all I could do was just take the entire sleeve of my shirt and wipe my... There was nothing else I could do.

They had watched the entire process. Fitter Bob Jesus texting, I remember we did this too. The pickle races, where you'd pull a pickle off a hamburger or cheeseburger that was kind of caught, had ketchup on it or something. And you'd throw it at a window and you'd just see which one hit the ground first. I remember people doing that. Yeah, we didn't play that game. I'd like to apologize to the Richfield McDonald's because that was a big one for us.

We would do it there quite a bit. And the ceilings. I kind of feel like a jerk. We didn't think about the repercussions. No, I think every teenager has acted like a complete A-hole at a fast food restaurant at one point in their life. They deserve better. Yeah, they do. I feel bad now, but the things we did, too.

Boy, you'd think we'd get a telephone call at one point or another. inviting us to be featured here. What I'm talking about is something they got cooking in Vancouver, Canada, called the Museum of Personal Failure. This is so funny. You'd think we would have gotten a text or a telephone call on this. Maybe they only feature 100% pure Canadian failure. I don't know.

Yeah, if there was an American wing, I bet we could dominate that thing. What I can tell you is this, it's not a permanent thing. the Museum of Personal Failure Exhibit was put up a couple days ago. It'll be on display until February 3rd at a mall up there in... What did I say? Canada? Yeah. Well, I thought I got more specific.

Vancouver, British Columbia? Maybe I don't know if I said that or not. Canadian. British Columbia, sure. They put it up in a mall. It says here a Canadian feller called Evan is behind the... this operation. He says the Museum of Failure features

Lost Hopes, Shattered Dreams, and crushed ambitions. Some examples of what you can see on display. A wedding dress from a failed marriage. That's cute.

A set of expensive knives that someone bought, but they turned out to be garbage. Oh, that sucks. So you see where they're going with all this? Where is this? I got some more information in here, I swear to God. One guy wrote a long list of his biggest fails in life.

That made the cut. You can read that at the Museum of Failure. This Evan guy says it's a celebration of the fact that failure is okay. Everyone fails. The only way to grow up and learn is to fail. He got the idea. Evan got the idea after he got done. dumped by a lady.

He said, I felt like a failure. It was a heartbreak. I needed to do something with the pain, and this is what I did. He made up some posters. He stuck them up all over town. The posters said, failures wanted. And before he noted, people were emailing him, offering to come over to the mall and display all sorts of their own items related to personal failure.

I love this idea. Yeah, this is cool. Oh, there's a wall of rejections. A wall of rejections at the museum where folks posted up termination letters from work, where you're told that your services are no longer needed, breakup letters from a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Has anyone ever gotten one of those? No, that would be ridiculous.

A letter? No, a breakup letter. Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. Like a breakup letter? No, no. I don't think so. I don't remember. I feel like, what are you doing?

Get this out of my face. Yeah, it kind of seems like a middle school thing, right? Yeah, back when note passing was the thing. Those dear John letters? I guess, like, I don't know, I guess kind of similar. I've just had, like, other people come to me and being like, yeah, you know, Joey doesn't want to be with you anymore. I'm like, all right, go tell him he sucks, I guess. I'm so dumb.

If anyone in our listing audience can think of a personal failure that might be highlighted at a place like the Museum of Failure. in Canada, let us know. 651, 989, 933. If you can think of a personal failure that might be fun or interesting to post up at the museum of failure, I don't know if you guys can think of anything. I'm sure there's plenty.

My entire existence? I can think. Just put your birth certificate out there. I can think of a couple. Anything. How about every move I made between my 16th and 35th birthday? Oh, bad choices, you mean?

Oh, bad choices, failures, sure. You made some decent ones. Well, certainly I could put like a guitar in there. That's what I wanted to be as a guitar player. Oh, that's a good idea. So you put your guitar on the wall and say, this is what I wanted to do with my life. Oh, that's like a dream.

I mean, I spent hours and hours a day practicing. You'd never know it now, but I really did. That's what I wanted to do. You know, and I haven't had this happen very often to me. Actually, this is only one of two times probably. I would say there was when I was landscaping when I first started here, I had to go from Chanhassen. That's where we were working to Shokopi, where I lived.

And I didn't make it, if you know what I'm saying. I was holding it. I thought I could make until I got home. And so I could maybe clean up and bring the boxer shorts that I destroyed that day. Some of your pant peeing? So I failed. No, this was number two. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I failed. I failed that that particular time trying to get home without pooping my pain. bring in that snow suit. You could Oh, perfect. Oh, yeah. You could hang your eighth grade snow suit that you urinated in in front of your entire class at the ski slope that night. Yeah, I forgot about all the pee-ins. Those just

happened so often that it was going to... Bring in the mattress you used to pee on all the time? I could bring in mine, my brother and my cousins. I peed in all of them. Speaking of receiving a breakup letter, I don't recall ever being in that situation. Like somebody said, that sounds like grade school or junior high if I ever had a girl break up with me via a letter back then. I don't remember.

But one of the more fascinating stories I've ever heard in my life, a buddy of mine bought this 200-year-old house, some older than the Hill's house. And he's a skilled character, so he's rebuilding everything. In the walls, he found letters. Oh, I would be so psyched. Yeah, me too I would be psyched if they were from 1950 or 1970

These were from like 1944 Oh cool, wow And they were letters from a World War II soldier That's exactly what I was thinking as soon as you said the year, sweet Writing to his wife while he's serving in World War II And my buddy just sat down and went through all of these And it's hello Martha, it's me, Lewis, you know we breached the walls of Normandy

and we lost this many people and I got my hand blown off but we're doing all right and the next letter says we're in a different town in France and 118 guys got their heads blown off and it's terrible but we're doing okay. So that kind of stuff, you know,

the good and the bad that this man was experiencing, letter after letter from his time serving in World War II. one of the last letters he sent. Now, my buddy has no idea if this guy made it home, but one of the last letters the guy sent to his wife was, yeah, you know, things are looking pretty good. By the way, when I come home to America,

I won't be coming back to you. I've been banging this gal on the side. Oh, no, that's so sad. So I'll have to swing by real quick and get my shaving kit, but when I make it back, I'll be living in Chicago because I got this piece of ass. So sorry, but yeah, thanks for writing back. Yeah, thanks for probably staying loyal while I'm over here.

Keeping me company. Well, maybe that explains. I was going to ask if there was any indication. Sorry, Ashley. I was going to ask if there was maybe any indication as to why she put him in the wall. You know, maybe that's why. Good question. Maybe she was ashamed.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I never even. I want a document. I want somebody in the future to see this and remember, what a jerk you were. Sewer repaired Jesus said he bought his wife a vacuum for her birthday. Epic fail. So maybe you could put that one in there.

Yeah. Don't do that. No household appliance. Nothing that can benefit the both of you. You're looking to get kicked in the nuts. That's crazy. Send us your... I can kind of understand that in a way just because my wife wanted a new washer and dry. Ours

was bad. You know, ours, they were like 40 years old. They were not working very well. And she wanted a new washer and dryer. So I'm like, oh, you know what? Our anniversary's coming up. Maybe, but luckily, like, I mentioned it to a buddy. I'm like, hey, do you know anything about washers and dryers? I want to get her something, you know, that she'll like. And he's like, are you seriously thinking about getting your wife a washer and dryer for your anniversary? He might have saved my marriage. It never popped into my head. Don't do that. Ever. She talked about it so

many times. I just thought, oh, she'll love this. I mean, if you know your audience and you know that will be something your significant other would be wildly excited about, that That's one thing. Well, yeah, but like... If you're just taking a chance, that's a game of Russian roulette that most dudes don't want to play. I was really excited when we got a fridge and I, like, I really want a new stove top. But, and like, I would absolutely love to have that. But as a gift, no.

I hear you. No, not if... Unless you are not going to use it at all or, like, come anywhere near it or what I'm using it for, doesn't benefit you at all, then sure. I wanted to surprise her, but, you know, my intentions were good. But then I'm glad he pointed that out, like the message that that sent might not have been as good. Yeah. Here's a gift so you can do my laundry.

Make sure you separate the colors. Sports on the 93X half-assed morning show. I'm like, I'm on Google trying to figure out, man, how I passed this test? These folk keep threatening me. Right, you know. And I'm just scrolling, scrolling. And I come across some shit that said, but I just put a little bleach in the top

and put it in your Coca-Cola. And so I did that. And I'm like, yo, what the fuck? It felt my whole insides was just like erupting. You know what I'm saying? I ended up throwing that shit up. And I was at that point, I'm like, man, fuck it. I ran out of tricks.

Right. I don't know what to do. Yeah, I mean, not breaking any new ground here. That's former NFL safety. Tyran Matthew. Is that the dude they called the Honey Badger? Yep, that's the guy. Played at Louisiana State University.

What's that? Does he not give enough? I guess he doesn't. He does not give enough. He does not. Yeah, Honey Badger don't care. Not breaking any new ground. It seems like every week we get a new strange admission

from a former NFL player about the drugs and the cheating on the drug tests and things like that. But it's the latest, and you ought to know a thing or two about it. Tyran Matthew says to try to pass drug tests back when he was in college, actually, not when he was in the pros, when he was at Louisiana State. He went with the fake penises, right? Yeah, the whizonators, right?

But at one point or another, he drank bleach with Coca-Cola. Drugs must be good. Yeah. If you're thinking I don't want to give up drugs, so I'm going to drink bleach. He thought that would clean out his piss test. And we can get into more details. Bleach does clean. I mean, he's lucky he didn't kill himself.

Yes. Very lucky. It's like some of the things that people were doing when COVID hit town. Remember that? Oh, God. I think bleach was part of it. It was definitely part of it. Jesus, Bulls.

So when Randy Schaever and Brad Ryder show up in about a half hour, They might want to hear some more details on this. Come on, man. God dang. Ah, the pigs beat Calgary last night. Timberwolves beat Oklahoma City. Just, I don't, I can't figure this ball club out. Timberwolves.

Beat Oklahoma City, which is nice. I hate that frigging ball club. What we'll be talking about, Josh? Oh, yeah, failures. There's a new museum up in Canada. The Museum of Failure. and folks bring in, oh, rejection letters from maybe they were applying for a job, break up letters from their girlfriends.

One gal brought in a wedding dress, her wedding dress from a failed marriage. They have all this hilarious failure-related stuff all over the Museum of Failure in Canada. We asked our listeners, 65-1-9-893-93 is how you get a hold of us, if you got anything that might be featured at the Museum of Failure. Now, I have a question for this guy. Does he use this as motivation every day? Because he says, I have the letter. Every day I see it hanging on a shelf somewhere in his house

where the fire department rejected him before he even got to the interview. How's that possible? I don't know, but he's got the letter. So get back to me. Do you look at it every day as motivation? Why do you still have this letter rejecting you from a job at the neighborhood fire department? Why do you still have it on display? One dude said he could bring in the underwears and hang him at the Museum of Failure,

the underwears he had on on his first day at work where his pants. Oh, no. Oh, no. There shouldn't be a second day at work at that point. You can't go back. Depends on how many of the other fellers found out about it. Sure. One listener texted in to say that his mother reminds him almost daily that he is a walking

condom failure. Oh my God. That's good. I'm sure that does great things for his self-esteem. Cubby's got more news for you here in a minute. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting

workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Vince Konez is redefining news talk with The Vince Show. It is a reflection of your response to this program that we get to take this thing to the next level. These gigantic shows, this is going to be so much fun. It's unbelievable. In-depth interviews, live-collar interactions, and a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. I've got updates. I've got big stories.

We'll sort through the truth of what's really going on. So buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. By the way, I fake everybody I got them. 93X. Half-assed morning show.

I've been associated with the fire department for 40 years. We've never had a situation like this come up. In all of Fire Chief John Brown's years of serving Jackson, he said this incident was a first. Somebody threw away a perfectly good Alabama man. Emergency officials responded to a call of a person being compressed in a garbage truck around 5.30 Wednesday morning. Folks always end up in the garbage truck. Yeah, they do.

Officials believe the man was compressed twice and somehow survived. Did it squeeze the turds right out of them? I bet it did. first at KFC and then again at the Hampton Inn next door. Dana, I'll meet you at KFC. Yeah, I'll see you there. You know, if I was going to be in a garbage can, after it was at KFC, be kind of cool. That's not a bad garbage can to be placed in.

Yeah. If you had to pick one. So they swung by KFC to pick up the garbage. Yep, and they go next door to the Hampton Inn. Hampton Inn. And then they go to the driver went to a Popeye's, and that's when he heard the man calling for help. When he exited the dump truck, he could hear the man. in the back needing help and that's when he shut everything down Brown said it's really a

fortunate thing that the gates at the Popeyes were were closed and the driver had to get out and when he exited the the dump truck he could hear the man in the back needing help and that's when he shut everything down volunteer firefighter mend uh mendi bolden was one of the first responders on scene expecting the worst she was surprised at what she found we were all shot because we we thought We're going to have to get down there and really do some trauma assistant to him to get him out. But he was fun. He survived the truck's compression twice, but due to the mental trauma, he is feeling a little compressed. Officials believe the man was sleeping in the dumpster trying to escape the cold.

He's a lucky prick. Yeah, no kidding. I'm all good, just, you know, crushed a little bit. I'm often thrown by how many of us end up in the cold. the garbage truck, same as I'm always kind of surprised how many of us end up on the railroad tracks. Anyone have an explanation for me? No, I wish I did. Sorry.

How does so many of us end up? Just draws people in. I mean, railroad tracks are pretty cool. But how do so many of us, is what I'm trying to say, end up prone on the railroad tracks? What happened? A friend of mine had, they were at. Like leaving a bachelor party, everyone was kind of hammered and they had a train issue. Like one of the guys got her pretty bad.

Wait, the train issue had a bachelor party? I don't need to laugh. I hope he's all right. They crossed some railroad tracks. They were drawn to it like Ashley said, whatever it is that brings you there. That is funny because when I used to live in Bayport, there's some train tracks down there. And when I got tuned up, I'd go and we'd walk around the train tracks. No, you didn't.

Why would we do that? Because you didn't do that. Yeah, it was, I had no reason. So your pal, Josh, were they like dodging the train and trying to be hard-ons in that manner? Sounds that way, yeah. Well, you're just asking for death. He mentioned it's like the drunkest he'd ever been, and yeah, unfortunately, one guy got hurt pretty bad. There was also this spot growing up where people would, what did they used to call it?

Shoot, I'm completely blinking. I'm sure some listeners will know what I'm talking about. Is it the Spooner-Bloes bridge? No, no, no, no, no, no, different bridge, but it was, you know, train track bridge or whatever the term would be. And people would go up there and get drunk, get high, whatever, you know, high schoolers like to do. And then the train would come sometimes, and you would end up having to, like, run for your life, basically, because there was only maybe two feet on each side of the train tracks where you could, you know, protect yourself while on the bridge. That's pretty scary.

It was a very dangerous situation, but people loved doing it. I mean, I messed with the train once, but I was 14. But it seems over and over and over again, so many grown folks are drawn to that spot, and it often ends terribly. It's a piece of Americana. Maybe that's why. Let's go with that. Let's go with that.

This is a sad story. Crazy this happened. Police say a bout of careless backyard marksmanship turned fatal on Christmas Day in rural Oklahoma. Well, this must be something. Christmas Day, we're going all the way back to Christmas Day. I've had a lot of backup stories. Oh. So I'm trying to get through some of those.

Oh, I thought maybe it was, you know, there was other reasons behind that. Okay, so someone effed up on Christmas Day. Investigators report 33-year-old Cody Adams was firing a handgun behind his home when a single round wandered roughly a third of a mile, sailed across open land, and struck his neighbor when she sat on her porch cradling a baby. Baby's fine, eyes. Relatives later told deputies they'd heard, that was my concern too when I first read. Yeah.

They'd heard shots popping off for several minutes. Long enough, they said, for the woman to laugh and quip that someone nearby must have unwrapped a new gun for Christmas. And that's exactly what happened. Moments later, she said, ouch and collapsed. The bullet hitting her in the arm and then sadly lodging in her chest. Deputies canvests the area knocking on doors and inspecting properties for shooting setups. Every nearby home at either a proper backstop or a desktable.

designated safe shooting area except for this one man's place. Investigators say that he told them he'd been aiming at a red bull can in his backyard with a new Glock 45 he received that Christmas morning, apparently without considering where a missed shot might travel. Once officers explained what happened, he did have a heart, he began to cry. Authorities say the baby in the woman's arms at the time of the shooting was not injured. I mean, like how was that not your first thought, bud? Is he new to guns? Gun owners, I mean, usually think of that kind of stuff.

Don't get this guy any more guns for Christmas. F me. What a cool gift, though. It may not always be news every time a substitute teacher gets arrested for DUI. But when it's in the school parking lot, you can expect some headlines. A substitute teacher at a Florida school was arrested Tuesday after he was accused of driving drunk in the school parking lot, nearly crashing into a syllabus. The 44-year-old sub was stopped by a school resource officer while trying to back out of a parking spot at Lake Alfred Polytech about 1030 a.m.

And police say the educator showed multiple signs of impairment. We gave him an education when we took him to jail, Sheriff Grady Judd said. For Christ's sake. That lesson included a DUI charge. This guy got to have a friggin' joke every single time he arrests somebody. I like it. We taught him a lesson. I cut a bunch out now that you're back.

Thank God you're back, by the way. I cut a lot out. So I just left that little part in it. I guess you could say we were old school about our approach that day. Yeah, he loves himself a little too much. Oh, my God. It's one thing for a teenager to want to get all the attention on social media, but when it's a grown-ass sheriff just soaking in the likes and making the jokes,

it's just kind of awful. I love it. A Georgia elementary school assistant principal has been accused of stealing almost a hundred items worth about $1,000 from Walmart using what police called a stacking scheme at self-checkout kiosks. 47-year-old Courtney Shaw was arrested Monday after she was alerted for swiping merchandise from the retail giant in Woodstock, about 30 miles outside Atlanta. Apparently this was going on for more than two months.

Shaw, an assistant principal at free home elementary school, is accused of stealing 98 items, valued about a grand from about November to December from Walmart. According to authorities, she used a stacking method at a self-checkout kiosk, placing multiple items on top of one another and scanning only one before leaving the store. A Walmart employee provided surveillance footage of the thefts January 12th and used a driver's license database to identify Shaw's the suspect. The mother of one was booked into jail in charge with one felony count of shoplifting following her arrest on Monday and she's been placed on administrative leave. Shaw is not the first high-ranking school official accused of using Walmart self-checkout to steal items. You might remember this story. In Florida, Bach Academy North Principal Gregory Lewis was at a Walmart in Polk County in March when an asset protection officer observed him skip scanning at the self-checkout.

The skip scan. Yeah, skip scanning is where a shopper at a self-checkout station intentionally fails to scan one or more items or pretends to scan them while placing them directly in the bags. Principal Lewis tried to steal a large pack of light bulbs, bacon, and frozen butterfly shrimp. Oh, that sounds delightful. I don't know if it was worth losing your job for. Most people are so brave because I get so nervous at self-checkout if I, like, ring something up incorrectly and they have to come over and help me. I'm, like, convinced they're worried that I'm stealing every single time. Well, they know you stole those bobby pins back in 1997, Ashley.

I think I was born. You're on the year you're born. She got started early. God, I almost had 93, and I changed it at the end. God, and I was still off. A Florida man's behind bars after cops say he repeatedly stabbed his friend for spilling beer on his phone. According to the victim, he and 19-year-old Moises Mendoza, along with others, spent the day fishing before heading back to a home to cook what they caught.

At some point, the victim was holding Mendoza's phone to play music when he spilled beer on it. Mendoza accused the victim of intentionally spilling the beer, and the two started arguing. After the victim threw beer in Mendoza's direction, Mendoza attacked him and stabbed him multiple times with a kitchen knife. Officers later went to Mendoza's home where he admitted to stabbing the victim, who survived it is going to be just fine.

Most phones are waterproof to some degree now. Yeah, at least pretty darn water resistant. They can handle a beer. I was going to say, yeah, they can now, but in 2005 at St. Claude State, my phone sure does. What happened? I was playing beer pong and I was kind of cradling my phone on my shoulder, you know, like you do. Yeah.

And likely calling the girl that didn't want to talk to me or come to the party I was at. Yep. And it slipped out and it just landed directly in one of the beer pong cups. Oh, that sucks. That thing was dead as hell. A 53-year-old man in California will spend nearly a decade behind bars for stabbing an elderly stranger on a hiking trail. Well, a guy had it come and he made eye contact with him. Oh, that dick!

I know. At first you're thinking, well, that's rude, but no, that's not the case. He made eye contact with him. Who the hell you looking at? At about 2.40 p.m. December 31st, officers responded to a reported stabbing at the CV link, a pathway for pedestrians and low-speed electric vehicles in the city of Palm Springs. In an interview with investigators, the victim said he was just walking on the hiking trail when he made eye contact with a man on the trail as they passed. I wonder, see, but did he not do the typical soft smile that you're supposed to do when you walk fast?

while you're hiking? They didn't mention what his mouth was doing. Well, there you go. The victim said about 15 minutes later as he headed toward home, the suspect was still in the area. The suspect put on a ski mask, approached while yelling profanities, and assaulted the victim, knocking them to the ground. But it wasn't until after the altercation, he learned him been stabbed by some surprise cutlery. This was an old time. Yeah, but in his 70s, they said. Oh, God dang. About two weeks ago, officers finally located that suspect who fled on foot when he saw cops closing in. But they were faster, and he was apprehended following a brief chase. Man, whatever happened, Josh, to the old days when the jogging trail usually just meant indecent exposure.

I know. Right. You just whip it out and everybody understood, well, my fault for jogging. Nobody got mad. This guy must have, like, I don't know, planned to have some type of confrontation that day for him to already have a ski mask. Yeah, he showed up looking to hurt somebody. You're right. He didn't know who it was going to be. Yeah, between the weaners and the eye contact, I think it's just a good.

good rule of thumb to stay off jogging trails altogether. Yeah, I agree. You never know what you're going to get. You guys know this already, but one of my best grade school buddies ended up being our neighborhood jogging trail pecker flasher. That was his thing. That's pretty disturbing. It didn't work out for him. No, he ended up getting in a lot of trouble.

Did he show up to the last reunion you have? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. They won't let him out. I think they have to go to him if they want to have a reunion. Yes. have to make an appointment. There's visiting hours, Ashley. There's a strip search before you go in, everything.

But that's how he started his criminal career was being the jogging trail. Rod Flesher. That thing, you got to start somewhere. Those are the real scary ones, right? If they start there, you worry how far that's going to go. My mom used to warn me about that all the time because I liked to, back when I used to run outside and I always thought she was crazy until one time I was like jogging jogging along and all of a sudden some dude just like walked out of the woods. I didn't see any penis but that

that was the end. Maybe he was peeing. Hopefully that's it. No that was the end of my jogging outside. I was like nah he could have grabbed me so easily. It was so scary. F it. I'm getting a gym membership. He could have been just taking a squeege. I'm hoping that's the case. Was he dressed No. Inactive wear? No. Well, then he probably was back there masturbating. And he looked a little like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, why are you outside?

You don't seem like the type of person that likes to go outside. My bro lived in the woods that joined up with the jogging trail. He just lived in the woods. Oh, a little tent? No. He just... Not even a tent. He kind of dug himself a hole, and that's where his sleeping bag was.

Did he show you this? little spot. Oh, I saw where he lived, yeah. He dug almost like a shallow grave and that's where he put his sleeping bag and his little pillow. He would just sleep in the woods and the sun would come up and he'd think, get ready, penis, the joggers are about ready to, you know, the early morning joggers, he would get up with the sun. Today's your day. And he'd start, he'd kind of start working on it a little bit. He'd give himself a halfie. You'd have to. And then he'd walk out to the joggers and papa!

Good morning. Just like the joggers needed a stretch before they went out there. He had to do a little work on himself as well, you know? You're in my house now. Kill a squirrel with a BB gun, make a little fire, cook up the squirrel for lunch. Scary. Yeah. I'm so scared.

With stories packed with danger, survival, and unforgettable true life moments, here's a look at what's new this week in theaters and streaming. Jason Statham stars in Shelter, a recluse. on a remote Scottish island rescues a girl from the sea. His act of kindness unleashes a perilous chain of events that leads to a violent attack on his home, forcing him to confront a turbulent past he thought he left behind. Also in theaters, send help.

Two colleagues become stranded on a deserted island, the only survivors of a plane crash. On the island, they must overcome past grievances and work together to survive, but ultimately it's a battle of wills and wits to make it out alive. The film stars Rachel McAdams, Dylan O'Brien, Bruce Campbell, and Dennis Haysburg. Perhaps of particular interest to Minnesotans, Miracle, The Boys of 80,

streaming now on Netflix. The new documentary revisits one of the most iconic moments in sports history, following a young U.S. hockey team that entered the 1980 Olympics as underdogs and emerged as national heroes. Miracle, the Boys of 80 is told with new footage and firsthand reflections on that legendary upset. We're probably going to bring that up to Randy and Brad here. a few minutes too. Can you get the this impossible dream comes true audio ready for me?

Oh yeah, absolutely. Because I always have to hear that. Yep, I have that ready for you. Okay. Sunday on Paramount Plus, the streaming premiere of old guys starring Christoph Waltz as a contract killer who postpones his retirement to train his rebellious replacement, Philip Seymour Hoffman's son Cooper Hoffman. And making its HBO Max premiere, if I had legs, I'd kick you. A psychological drama

starring Rose Byrne as a mom whose mental health unravels as she's worn down dealing with her daughter's mysterious illness. Conan O'Brien plays her therapist and Christian Slater is her neglecting husband. Our coworker and good friend Christina sent a shout out in to the Minneapolis Lakers sixth grade girls basketball team. They're playing in the Edina Cake Eater Classic this weekend. Good luck girls and remember to lock in. Congratulations to Spam Town Bricklayer Jesus. Two years clean and sober today. Congrats. He said he's happier than ever before. It's a good milestone. Yeah. Happy birthday tomorrow to

school busing Kai Cheeses and a happy birthday tomorrow to Elsa too from I throw dodge balls at Kids for a Living Cheezis. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. We've got it to

Marcus Tolino and Adam Klopka. Plano throwing some rights. Clopka trying to get his team energized in this one. There's no Lover for the flames. tonight. Plano on top. Belino on top, he said. A lot of women in the state that would enjoy that.

You're not wrong. Marcus had a little scrap last night, huh? Yeah, did you watch that video? That's up on 933.com, right? Yeah. I mean, it's not often you see a guy that makes Marcus look not that big. I mean, the duty fought. What was it?

Clapka? It was like five inches taller. He was a big. dude. You know how Marcus won the fight. He hit the other dude with the Russian kid's wallet. The other guy never recovered. Hello, Randy Schaever.

Well, hey, you're back from the dead. Yeah, I figured if there's a day to try to check back in, I thought Friday'd be a good day. Well, good. Glad to have you back. And, Brad Ryder? This is your ultimate

F-off week. kind of turned out that way Yeah, when you're sick, it sucks, though. It kind of turned out that way. Ah, how you boys been? Brad Wright and Randy Schaeber. Good, good, good, good, good. Good, yeah. Yeah, thanks again to Brad. He, you know, he helped us out

in your stead. Is that right? Yeah, Brad kept coming in, so thank you, Brad. He kept it going on a Thursday. Yeah, you're welcome. Did you get Chris Finch fired yet or what? He took time away from that to be here with us. Not after last night. to that. We'll get to that. I'll say he heard that I was out for his head, so

they decided to win last night. That's the motivation he needed. Well, we'll start with the pigs since we started with audio there of Marcus getting in a little slap fight. Pigs beat Calgary. They only have a couple three

more hockey games left before they go on strike for the Olympics. Correct? Just a couple three left. Yeah. The final final. They're tied for for second most points in the NHL. So, I mean, if you had told people that three games before the All-Star, not All-Star break, Olympic break, they were going to be in the number two slot in the

NHL. I think people would have taken that. Especially with the start they had, too. Yeah. Tide with Tampa Bay, you're correct, Bradrider. Tied with Tampa Bay for the second most points in the entire league, 72 points. But it's tight, though, because, Colorado has 126 points.

In Dallas is right there, man. I mean, it's a tight race in the Central for sure. I'm kidding. Colorado has 79 they've put up so far this season. Last night, the final final was 3 to 1. Yes, there was an empty net goal that I'm not counting. No, it wasn't scored by Marcus Velino. No.

A couple of randos got in on the deal last night. Danila Uroff and Vinnie Hinnisstroza. A couple of names you don't hear terribly often. They scored in the first period, and the pigs kind of took it from there. You got old-ass-fill there in between the pipes. He made 29 saves. And now they're 5-1-1. I'll get there.

5-1 and 1 in their past seven games. Those first two goals were really pretty goals. Well, the Hinnitus. Nistroza goal looked to be off sides with that, I mean. I think they didn't call it. No, no, no, no. It wasn't. It wasn't off sides.

I'm just off sides. Just with the naked eye, he did not appear to be on side. He was. But I forget who it was that did kind of a cross-ice pass at chest level. And Hidnestroza caught it beautifully with his right hand at the blue line. went in and made it happen. So only a couple three more games left. The next will be at Ed Mental tomorrow night.

Friggin' Patty Cakes. I knew this was going to happen. What a douche. Not happy? No, I'm not happy. It's kind of too bad. Patrick Kane playing for the Detroit Red Wings. Last night, he notched an assist.

and he passed our guy Mike Medano. Long pass up again. Here's Capp. Joined by Cain. Cain has it. DeBrincent. Shot! Score!

There it is. Oh, for Christ's sake. 1375 for Patrick Cain. Take it easy. You didn't like that? Passed our guy, Mike Madano, and now Patty Cakes is the highest scoring American-born player in the history.

I think after that assist last night, he... Well, I mean, then there's the Brett Hall thing, right? Oh, I guess I have to explain it. State of hockey. The Brett Hall thing with the, what do they call it, the dual citizenship. I mean, Brett Hall, if you consider Brett Hall an American player, then, you know, Hall has quite a...

Well, that, I mean, not that... 1,391. He's not that far behind him. So that's the scandal there. But, I mean, Mike Medano held that mark for 18 Fing years. Impressive. Yeah, that is crazy. Do you hate Patrick Kane because he's...

I don't hate Patrick Cain. I'm just kind of milking the bit. Okay. I was just wondering if it was because he passed Madonna or because he was a Black Hawk for so long. I did not like him. when the Blackhawks were winning two, three cups there. I did not like that Blackhawks roster. I rooted against them at every turn because that's how I was raised.

To root against the Blackhawks, no matter what. I don't hate Patrick Cain. I'm just, I'm a big Mike Madonna guy. We all are. 18 years. And Madonna passed Phil Housley, who is a Minnesota guy too. So, I mean, there's a lot of connections there that are now, what, second and third all time or whatever they?

They are. Yeah, and go ahead and dump an asterisk here as well. When Madonna passed Phil Housley, he was 40 years old. Patrick Kane's 52 years old. He looks good for that. Yeah. What's his secret? He'd be a junior at Van Cato.

So a lot of folks are saying, well, of course, he's eventually going to break the record. He's 52. Apparently when Patty Cakes broke the record last night, they put up some former players on the video board congratulating him, and one of them was Mike Madonna. Oh, God, you know what I forgot to do? I was going to maybe try to get a hold of Madonna before we went on the air to see if he wanted to come on with us live and bash Patrick King.

Wouldn't that be something? He just cuts a promo on his ass. Yeah. Cuts an old WWE promo. Challenges him to some type of skate off or something. Mike, if you're listening, call and bash Patrick Kane. You're like illegitimize his accomplishments if you can. Cues him if using steroids or something.

Yeah, they had Badano on this pre-recorded message, and he said, I knew at an early age in your career, you'd be the one chasing this number down. I'm sure they're bros. Yeah. And yeah, with the Blackhawks, I mean, my God, those teams were terrific. 2010 to 2015, didn't they win three cups in there? That sounds right, yeah.

They were terrific. I hated them, but they were terrific. Earlier this month, Patty Cakes became the 50th player and fifth American to score 500 goals. The other four, I'm sure, none of you can mention. Can any of you even come close? Nope. I'm going to sit this one out.

I'll just turn my mic off. The other American-born players who have scored 500 career goals. Well, Madonna's got to be won. Well, yeah, why is it not mentioned in this story? Madano scored has got to have over 500 goals if he has 1370 whatever

I got one guess Medano's in there I want to be clear about something for whatever reason he was not mentioned in this article I mean if you count Brett Hull he has to be there

because Mike Madano was born in Japan I'm kidding I'm kidding yes Jeremy Ronic Brad writer Joe Mollinger Joe Mullen has to be there.

Joe Mullen. See, now, that makes me feel good to hear someone say that out loud, Joe Mullen. For the record, Madano had 561 regular season goals. Yeah, I don't know why they left them out of this conversation. 58 in the playoffs. Joe Mullen, I'll give you a hint to a couple of his kids play in the league today. He was a total. Oh, good chock.

Yeah. And then Hull. You guys got there. See? No, you did great. You did great. Oh, Jesus. It scares me every time.

Yeah, congratulations, patty cakes. Smug little bastard. Tiny little guy. Yeah, I just saw that. He's 5'10 and I was looking at his Wikipedia. I mean, I think if you had to, Josh, I think you could beat his ass. I don't think so. 510's too tall.

Nobody needs to be 5'10. That's pretty tall. That's ridiculous. 510. Show off. Crane in your neck just trying to talk. to the guy. All right.

Cubby mentioned this in his news report. In an effort to get everybody jacking it for the upcoming Olympic ice hockey tournament, Netflix is cut and loose with a new documentary on the 1980 United States Olympic Hockey Club. They're calling it Miracle, the Boys of 80. Boy, they just can't go without dumping the word miracle in there. Does Al Michaels get $70 million every time? I don't think so. Boy, what if he did have that trademark somehow?

Yeah. You know, I'll say it for the 10 millionth time. This Impossible Dream comes true is the superior call by Al Michaels. Five seconds to the gold medal. Four to the Gold Medal. This Impossible Dream comes true. How come there's never been a documentary made on this hockey team that is called the impossible dream or when impossible dreams come true.

They always got to hammer us with the miracle thing. I'm just saying, mix it up. Al Michaels must have somebody pinned. Anytime anyone uses the word miracle in a conversation about that hockey team, he gets $100 million. It's like an old-time cash register, cha-ching, every single time.

Yeah. So, of course, it's one of the most famous upsets in sports history. It'll be coming out today. on Netflix. So to me, the HBO documentary on the club called Do You Believe in Miracles is the best ever made as far as a documentary about that hockey club. Hopefully this one comes close. I guess we'll have to give it a look-see. And if you haven't seen the HBO documentary, which I think they put together on the 20th anniversary of the win at Lake Placid, it's lights out. It's so perfectly done in every way, shape or form.

I know a lot of folks like the movie. But I hate to break this to you. Jim Craig did not make 85 saves in the third period of that game against the Soviet. I'm just saying if you have not seen, do you believe in miracles? Watch it. Name any player on the roster. I'll give you their jersey number. Go.

Mike Arizioni. 21. Name any other player on the roster. Nine. John Errington. 28. Christian. 23.

Nanny. All right. Lou was not wearing a jersey, but I bet he had a Captain Coke in his hand sitting in the building somewhere. All right. Speaking of the Winter Olympics, we're giving it, it says here, Josh,

statistically speaking, we're giving it the old Jay Cutler. Yeah. Sounds like nobody cares based on some of these studies they're throwing out there. I mean, I've never really cared, but I'll probably watch a little bit of it. Minnesota is the highest rated state in watching the Winter Olympics. And that is a fact. More people watch the Winter Olympics in Minnesota than any other state.

I can't remember a single time of my life or I've deliberately turned it on. Really? Yeah. Because it's 28 below here. early February. We've got nothing else to do. People that are texting me. Mark Johnson 10, Eric Strobel, 19. The Winter Olympics.

It hasn't even started yet, and everyone's given it the Jay Cutler. They start next Friday, a week from today. Oh, damn. Yeah. We've got to get ready for that, Randy Schaber. A lot of Minnesotans watch it, you say. Yes. Thousands and thousands of Americans were pulled and asked how amped they were, amped. That's great.

And generally, the excitement just isn't there. Says here, 89% of us couldn't give two pumps. I'm kidding, it was 30%. 7% they'd watch every, 7% said they'd watch every day, this, that, the other thing. Men are more excited than women, older folks are more excited than the young people, this, that. Opening ceremonies. Is that something you're drawn to? When does Snoop Dog go on?

No, not at all. Pit bull's going to be there. Yeah, I usually watch like the highlights people post on Twitter afterwards. All right. Well, we'll see. Maybe something great will happen. I'm not the type that does too many backflips for either of the Olympics. I think it does make it tough when they're over in Europe like that

when most of the events have taken place by the time a lot of people get home from work and they already know because in our social media world that we live in, they already know the results. That's true. Yeah. And I think that makes it. Yeah. That's true.

So why watch it? Why watch it when you already know what happened? You know, yeah, neither the summer or the Winter Olympics really grabbed me too terribly. I'm sure I'll check out a little bit of this or that just because it's something different. I take back what I said about never deliberately watching the Winter Olympics, because I definitely remember waking up early to watch that game where T.J. Yoshi scored like 47 shootout goals. Remember that?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I remember. I was like, so they're just going to let him, he gets to keep going, huh? Friggin' shootout. Rob McClanhan 24. A week from today. So there you go.

Currently, no one's really touching themselves. But we'll see when it kicks off. Ken Morrow. Three. I mean, I'm trying to think here. I'm trying to think over my lifetime, other than the hockey tournament, what have I really ever been drawn to as far as the winter events? I do like to watch those sorry some bitches fall off that ski jump.

That is fun. I like watching ski jump. I like watching snowboarding. I like the bobsled. Yep, me too. That's fun. Watching those some bitches hang in the air. when they fall off that ski jump, that's something.

Slalom skiing? Is that what that thought? Yeah, I think the slalom ski event, Lindsay Vaughn, people like that. I think that there's a lot of, there's a lot of appeal for that. Oh, I don't know. It's crazy how fast they go. That's never done a damn thing for me, the skiing. I never really got into the skating too much.

Oh, that's the highlight of the Olympics. That's what most viewers. will watch the figure skating. That's what I've heard. That people love that. Yeah. That's the number one event. And usually women's figure skating. It's gotten soft. Back in my

day, they used to have crowbars involved. There's a lot more exciting figure skating. Buzz Schneider, 25. Come on, you guys. Timberwold. Dave Silk. Dave Silk 8. Timberwolves made

22 three-point buckets last night against the Oklahoma City Thunders. That ought to do it most nights, right? Should. And they beat those obnoxious idiots by 12 points. And for the millionth time, you know, they played with this intensity last night. For the millionth time, we'd love to see that more often. The 22, three-point baskets matched a season high. They were pouring them in right from the get-go.

Edward scored 26, Jaden McDaniels, 21. He was five for five from the three-point line. Nas Reid 18. So they won three in a row now after dumping five in a row. Yep. That's the inconsistency, though, right? That's what drives people crazy about this team, is that they will play great against OKC,

and then they'll turn around and look awful against Utah or somebody else. It drives you crazy. Oklahoma City's lost three of its last four games, which is promising. My God, that Gilgish Alexander is so friggin overrated. It makes me want to puke all over them. And the Timberwolves made the Thunder's turnovers. Yes, that was the key last night.

Made the turnovers hurt. They scored 30 points off of 16 turnovers that Oklahoma City committed. The wolves are one of the worst fast break teams you'll ever see in your life. time. Usually when the other club turns to Paul over, the wolves do nothing with it. But last night they had just a great game. Well, and they got some help from the bench last night, which was great. Bones Highland helped them out. Nasreed certainly had a great game last night. You know, when they play like this, you get excited because they have opportunities to do something in the postseason. But we don't see this on a consistent basis. That's what's frustrating. Oh, Chris Finch, again, saved basketball last night, according to a listener.

That's referring back to when he got thrown out of the prior home game against him. Against O'K.C. Mark Pavlitz, 16. Up next, they'll play at Memphis tomorrow night. Back-to-back games in Memphis. Oh, what? Yeah. They play back-to-back against Memphis.

Saturday and Sunday? Monday. Oh, Saturday and Monday. Okay. Yeah. I'll say in between. I don't think that they should trade for. Janus because last night when you watch Jaden McDaniels, I mean, Milwaukee's going to want somebody like that in that trade package.

And I don't think you can give up a guy like that. Everybody's going to want Jaden McDaniels. Yeah, I just don't think you can give him up. He is the one player that everybody covets right now. And there's not a deal that can be made for Janus that doesn't include McDaniels. Right. That's why I don't think you can do that. Well, yeah, but it doesn't mean that they won't.

I think the problem with the wolves in a deal for Janus, as we've been talking about, is they don't have draft equity right now. Did you guys talk about this yesterday? Yeah, we did a little bit. I mean, they don't have the draft equity. So they would require a third, maybe a fourth team get involved in a deal that does have draft equity to give to Milwaukee. because Milwaukee's not going to just want players. They're going to want first round picks and things like that.

I don't think the wolves are being discussed as a team there. We'll see. But I just don't think if it happens before the trade deadline, I don't think they're a contender. If it happens in the offseason, that's different. They might be a contender in the off season. Pretty interesting, the picture. I think they're better, they're better, sorry,

they're better serve bolstering their bench with a trade or two before the deadline and then playing like they did last night. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I agree with that. It's interesting to picture a guy like Giannis playing here with Anthony Edwards. With Edwards, yeah. I'd be A1 from day one. We'll see.

I mean, if you gave up Gobert instead of McDaniels as part of a deal. Yeah. And even discussing Julius Randall as part of that deal. Right. I think that's a lot more appealing. Right. But Jaden McDaniels is, I mean, you've got a really good lot in return. When they mention Jaden and they mention Nas Reed, it makes you shrivel up a little bit.

It does. Yep. Yep. I'd give up Reed before I'd give up D. I think McDaniel is one guy. You cannot give him up. I mean, he's a two-way player and he's starting to score more. He's terrific. I just looked it up too.

He's under contract until 28, 20. And there's the key because any team that wants to trade for him knows that they're getting a fabulous two-way player and they're not going to have to pay them for in the next three years. This is cute. Someone texted in and said, hey, did you see the Rudy Gobert airball at the free throw line? Yeah, which one? I know he threw an air ball last night at the free throw line. There was a game a week ago where he did it twice in the same game.

So it's painful. Timberwolves. Possibly, possibly linking up with the Greek freak. And here's the key too, Nick. Janus actually, according to reports, wants to be here. And that may be the overriding factor in all of this. Right. If Janus really wants to play here and Milwaukee's motivated to have that happen,

that may motivate the wolves to figure out a way to do it too. So Souter 20, Bill Baker, six. Uh, yeah. Yeah, he wants to be here. That doesn't come out of the yap of too many NBA players. No. Not of his stature. No, of his stature, this is the first effort.

Yeah, that's why Durant didn't want to come here just last summer. To hear any NBA player say, I want to end up in Minnesota as a rarity to have someone of the caliber of Greek freaks say it, it's a first. He's lived in Milwaukee the last 10 years. I was just going to say that. This would be an upgrade for him. Oh, yeah. Ned Braden 10. All right, we covered this earlier.

I wanted to see what you boys would make of it. Former NFL player by the name of Tyran Matthew. Oh, he went to Louisiana State. He was a great college football player. He was a solid pro too for 12 years. A safety, played for the Chiefs, played for the Rams, played for the Argonauts. Pro Bowler. Badger.

Pro Bowl. Honey badger. Yeah. Everyone called him the Honey Badger. All right. So he's the latest NFL player to come forward and say, I did drugs all the time. Nothing shocking.

I think we knew that at the time. I think that's kind of why he got kicked out to LSU. That's right. I had forgotten all about the guy, but you're right. So he was on a podcast. The other day, and there was one original statement that he made. So he used the fake penises. He did the Wizzinator routine.

to try to fake, to try to fool the drug testers. I think this was, even at the college level, he was pulling out plastic rods, fake penises to try to fool the. But also the peckerhead said he was trying to clean out his system for a drug test. He once made himself an interesting cocktail,

a bleach and coke. And I'm like, I'm on Google trying to figure out, man, how I passed this? Right. These folk keep threatening me. Right. And I'm just scrolling, scrolling. And I come across some shit that say, but I just put a little bleach in the top and put it in your Coca-Cola.

And so I did that. And I'm like, you know, what the fuck? It felt my whole insides was just like erupting. You know what I'm saying? I ended up throwing that shit up. And I was at that point, I'm like, man, fuck it. I ran out of tricks. Right.

I don't know what to do. Say no to drugs. Who posted and said like, hey, do this. A-hole, whoever posted that? Yeah, really. It was like a test to see if somebody was dumb enough to try it. Yeah, it's out of trying to kill people. So he mixed himself up a bleach and coke.

And then he drank it because he thought he would just piss pure gold or something. It would clean all the drugs. And he said it made him awful, terrible sick, Cubby. Oh, I should imagine. It should. That kills people. Yes. He was spraying out the back end.

Oh, God. He said he thought his insides were going to fall out of his ass. So that's a new one for me, the bleach and coke. Did you ever have to sweat out a drug test? No. No. I've never done drugs. Yeah.

We've mentioned it before. Many, many years ago, they used to always, like, quote-unquote, threaten us. Like, hey, just so you know, within the next couple months, never had one. Anytime a job would, I'd go through the interview process, And then, you know, after the first interview, they'd be like, yep, and then next is a drug test, I would just not call back. Bye, Felicia. Yeah. Seriously?

I'm like, what am I supposed to do? It's like next week. Like, there's no way. It's not going to get out of your system in a week. I had a buddy that I worked with him at a sandwich shop and he smoked so much weed. Like, I've never met somebody that smoked that much weed. And he wanted to go and join the Marines, I believe. it was or the Navy's and one of those

situations and it ended up taking him like he kept testing at home testing at home testing at home testing home it took him like three months to get it completely out of his system it was insane you guys need a friend like me I peed for some friends a couple times in college yeah see I thought about that for one of the jobs

and I was like am I seriously doing this for like 11 bucks an hour I'm not this is doing too much didn't you say Nick you used to have a buddy that would like warm it up in a gas station microwave or something oh yeah trifling the guy that that I knew that gave me the creeps. This was when I was a 19-year-old kid,

and I was the foreman at a warehouse for the night shift, and we got some characters in there. Temps. Every night, there'd be a new busload of temps, and it was a horror show. I mean, some of these people were completely uncorked, and were just showing up for one night's work so they could go by meth or crack or whatever,

Right? It was fun. Me and my pal Dane. We were 19, 18, even years old. 17, actually. And we were the night shift foreman of this warehouse. So it was, one guy lived in a tree. I remember you telling me about that guy. And that's one of, like, what, two or three people you know that used to hang out in trees?

Oh, yeah. There's a ninja. There was the junior high ninja kid. He didn't live in the tree, but he would just. Chill up there. Chill up there. Wait for some victims. One guy lived at a tree right outside the warehouse.

He showed us. We were like, I think we were leaving the warehouse one night, and he was just standing on the property. We're like, well, did you miss the bus out of here? No, no, I'm here. And he showed us that he lived in a tree. Anyway, this dude came in, and he was real squirrely, real squirley. I mean, we had to be careful. and the dude asked me, I'm supposedly the, you know, in quotes, the boss, he asked me, could I, would you piss in a cup for me?

I got to take a drug test, probation kind of a thing. I said, no, I'm not pissing in a cup for you. And then that evening when we had dinner, you know, all the, everyone in the break room, somebody asked him, you know, you got a drug test coming up, huh? And he's like, yeah, I don't know what I'm going to do, you know. he said usually and this is where I just to chill up my spine and he said usually I'm pretty good

I just ring out my baby's diapers I've seen that in TV shows and movies jail that's not right oh I can't imagine ringing out a diaper too he's never done drugs but gosh he goes through a lot of breast milk

I can tell you that so I never I don't the microwave story's familiar though there was someone somebody must have told us that there's like that would show up like a gas

station and microwave it there. That's so hooper, I mean. Yeah, my chuck wagon's got urine contamination. Here's a question from Wolfpack Softball Jesus. He said, was the dude who lived in a tree, was that the same guy who ate a baby bird? No, no.

It was a different guy. Another guy you swallowed a baby bird. Oh. For weed. Yes. In trade for weed. Yep. Yep.

What are we talking about? Oh, yeah. I don't know what else. Oh, what are your plans for Sunday? Super Bowl Sunday coming up in a couple of days. Are you hosting? A couple of days. Whoa, are you going out?

Next week. A week from Sunday. I know, I'm kidding. Let's talk a little bit about Sab Donald. He's above the law now. He's won the big game. Yeah. He's got a cool grandpa.

One more step to immortality. That's right. Yeah. Well, did you guys talk about the grandpa yesterday? Yeah. Oh, for Christ's sake. But we didn't hear your opinion on it. I don't have an opinion on it.

Well, what about the name of Grandpa? It's too late. Okay, shoot. Too late. I shouldn't just have said Nathan. I should have pretended we never talked about it. Well, I have more Sam Darnold stuff. So you talked about his grandpa, Dick Hammer.

Yep. Right. Who was a Marlboro man. Oh, okay. Well, I have other information here. Okay His grandmother Was

No, no, no You didn't talk about His great, did you talk about his great grandmother? Oh yeah Yeah, we talked about her Which on which side? The maternal Oh yeah, I got something on the other one

What about her? She was a serial killer Oh my gosh, fun There's always got to be one One in every family Every family has one And she saved all the skulls and would put on

morbid puppet shows for children. How the hell did we miss that? I don't know. All you talked about was Dick Hammer the grandpa? Yeah, we didn't bring that up. We didn't talk about his great, great, great-grandmother. No.

The cereal game. With all the crying children in the crowd. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, that was what I had. Well, now what do we talk about? Well, Randy Schaber. This is great.

This is great. A listener texted me a couple days ago and said, you've got to let Randy know. I'm sure you can find this on the internet or something here. That perfect timing, you're spending the few weeks down there in Florida. Yep. The Florida State Fair is starting soon.

Oh, God. Oh, they do it in the wintertime? You have to look it up. All I know is a listener texted me and said, I suppose it would do it in the wintertime because the weather's not dramatic. You know, it's not too hot. Tampa, Florida. It's in Tampa.

When does it begin? February 5th or the 16th? February 5th through the 16th. Oh, really? Okay. Dude. It looks pretty fun. I'm looking it up here too.

Looks pretty good. They got livestock there too, Randy. Of course. Well, goodness. I'm excited now. This is so perfect. Randy is such an enthusiast of the Minnesota State Fair. Wouldn't it be something if he was able to check out a state fair in a different part of the country?

I would be interested in your thoughts. I'm trying to find when the senior citizen discount day is. You're like Tuesdays. Yeah, see, I bet they have some good dance, Randy. Is it Tuesdays? February 11th is Senior Savings Day, Randy. February 11th, perfect. Yeah, put them in the calendar.

Did tell us anything you find over there, Dana. Yeah. Featured acts, anything. I'm on the website here, too. How about this? It doesn't even open during the day until 11 a.m. Doesn't our state fair open at 6? You're excited about it.

You're already on the website. You're getting your tickets, aren't you? Yeah. Hey, they've got a gun show. But doesn't our fair open at like six in the morning? Yeah. You see the old seniors walking? The real lunatic show up about 3 o'clock in the morning.

Oh, yeah. And get themselves a spot in line. So when they kick those doors open at 6, they can be the first one to deep throat a Pranopo. I've broadcasted from the state fair for a morning show. And the people you see that are there, it's either old people walking, you know, because you're walking. It's crazy people. It's just hungover teenagers walking to their shift at the fry stand.

We did that a couple times early on in the morning. There's like nobody there, though, when it seemed like during the morning show at least. Yeah, it was. I think this is a mess for the people in Florida, though. All the senior people are up early. You've got to open the gates before 11. Yeah. I wonder what that's about.

Why don't they crack the gates till 11 o'clock in the morning? Oh, my gosh. Randy, I know what you got to go see. So on February 5th from 12 p.m. to 12.30 p.m., he'll be the German juggler. boy. And he looks wacky. Yeah, see if you can get him on the show, Randy. That's great. There's going to be a sea lion there at some point.

Oh, my. This actually sounds really, really fun. They have a lot of stuff going on. Racing corgis. They have a snowbird slide. Check that out. A German juggler and a sea lion. This is so cool. Now I want to go to the Florida State Fair. Well, that's outstanding. What did you say? Corgi races? Yep.

I mean, that's a riot right there. They have a three-generation family band with high energy and crazy stage. Bing, ding, ding, did it, ding, did it, ding, did it. They're called the dweeps. The dweeps. We used to have a band around here called the dweeps. Was there like five-year-old children in it? This is great.

I think you and the wife should check this out. Are you going to go to the Daytona 500? We are not going to Daytona after what happened last year. Oh, yeah, you had a bad experience with rain. So I saw 11 laps of the race. So the answer to that is no, we are not doing that. A couple listeners texted in, curious, if you were going to hit the Daytona 500 again. But you're saying, no.

Nope. I did it one time and stood in line for almost three hours to get in. And I mean literally stood in line for three hours and then watched 11 laps. So no. Punta Gorda, Jesus, who comes from Punta Gorda. Down by Fort Myers. He has texted in to say that if you go to the state fair, he will meet you there and he will push the wheelchair. What a nice guy.

My wife will appreciate that. Give her a break. But I know what you're talking about, Dana, in the early days. of my now very regrettable radio career. In the early days, the first couple three years, we would broadcast live. Oh, yeah. The morning show from the fair.

And the people I worked with were all from Detroit in these awful places. And they thought, as soon as we cracked the mics at 5.30, it was going to be beep, beep, be, and just madness. So they would... What's the craziest thing you can see right now? They'd be saying, well, where is everybody? What's 5.30 in the morning, you morons?

They're getting coffee and some mini donuts and looking at the tractors. All I ever saw was an old-timer walking his cow. The Carnie's doing the walk of shame from one trailer to the other trying to. And like, what did you mention? Yeah, I mean, a few elderly people heading over to the church breakfast. Did it? Yeah. How was your, describe your experience when you had the one year you had the scooter out there.

Like usually you see the old people in there and you said, was it gout or I can't remember what had you in a scooter? Oh, did I ride a scooter? Yeah, at the street fair. It must have been gout. I have no memories of that. I think that might have been the shirtless year, too, with the aggressive nipples. Yeah, Randy.

That was only a few years ago. Yeah, it wasn't the same year. No? Nick is accused of having aggressive nipples. I personally find them stately and manly. My sister. Never heard of them. referred to as aggressive before.

This was only four or five years ago. I took my shirt off because it was hotter than Dutch love. And I was with my wife, my sister, and my sister's daughter. And, I mean, I didn't get it. I turned around and they didn't know that I had taken my shirt off. And they all just reeled. That's got to feel good. They thought it was so offensive.

And I was like, well, what the hell? You know, I said to my sister, We came here in the 70s. There wasn't one single guy at the whole fair that had a friggin shirt on. Why is it so offensive now? My niece even asked if it was legal. Yes, women can take their shirts off now. But you guys remember those days?

Randy and Brad, you go to a twins game. There wasn't one guy who was wearing a shirt. But suddenly now, at least in my family, they looked at me like I was in a skit. Well, honestly, I would probably ask the same thing, especially at like a ball game. Are you allowed to take your shirt off at a ball game? Boy, good question.

I don't know if I've seen it. I'm not sure you are anymore. It'd be a shame if you can't. So, yeah. I can remember spending summers without wearing a shirt. Yeah. I used to have a couple buddies that did that. I was loved that.

10, 11, 12. We were just, we never wore shirts. I've said it before. I mean, we were hillbillies. Me and my group of friends, if it was hotter than 70 degrees, we didn't put a shirt on. I spent basically every day, every summer, from my fifth to 25th birthday without wearing a freaking shirt.

I bet your mom loved that, less laundry. So anyway, my sister was the one who called my nipples aggressive. She doesn't seem the type to criticize a person. My wife was just so embarrassed. And I said, what is wrong? I said, all of you is, except for the niece, I said, all you have seen this a million times, but it's totally out of style now, I guess. Aggressive.

Yeah. I remember one time, though, we'll get the hell out of here now in a minute. But speaking of broadcasting live from the fair, this is when me and Cubby were doing a show together in the early days. And we're sitting in this stupid booth. And, you know, we got the microphones in our yaps. and if we hit one button, we're broadcasting over the year. We hit a different button. We're broadcasting out to the people at the fair.

So we could say hello and this and that, right? And like the Coon Rapids Marching Band came walking up, and they're getting ready to play a song for us. And I didn't know my mic was on to the crowd at the fair. And I turned to Cubby, I said, Jesus Christ, nothing has changed since high school. The band's still a bunch of friggin. and geeks. Oh, Nick.

And all of their faces changed. They were all excited. They probably thought it was a joke. You big bully. They were upset. He didn't know he was being a bully. It was a private moment. It was between two friends.

What did you do after that? I listened to their song. Yeah. It was a sadder song than they played. Did you cheer? Like, overly cheer to try to make them feel better? I was just laughing my nuts song. Yeah, they put it in a minor key.

It was just more of a sad ballad. Yeah, the trombone was indeed sad. They're all crying. We got all kinds of people texted in now wanting to hear repeat state fair stories. The crap covered boot was a good one. Didn't you guys watch somebody take a digger? Oh, that was terrible. They scooped the dirt with their teeth.

A lady face planted. Oh, God. Because where our booth used to be, it was basically mud. It covered in hay. just so, and after a rain, it was terrible. And yeah, I don't even know what happened. I just saw, like, towards the end when her face just planted into the ground. We had a roped off area in front of our broadcast booth because we were given away a unicycle or something stupid.

And this lady was walking towards our booth, and she had her eyes on the window trying to make out who we were. So she was not looking at where she was walking. and she tripped on the rope that was surrounding that unicycle and all of her weight dug all of the weight of her face dug into the dirt that surrounded up. I had the time of my life with that. Oh, I bet.

I would do. I always pretend I didn't see it if somebody has an embarrassing fall or something. Oh, I pointed and laughed at it. Hey, everybody, look at this. I pretend like, oh, I didn't even know this. I'm the same way. Or if somebody says something embarrassing, I just completely ignore them. She walked away, so embarrassed.

We never saw her again. She didn't even clean her face off afterwards. She's never been back to the state fair. She moved. The crap covered boot, I'll tell that real. So we were like 21, 22 drunk off our ass in the cattle barn. And my buddy Hot Tub, who you want to talk about a guy who he still doesn't put on a shirt, but it's okay.

He lives in Niswa. Hot tub is loaded and Hot Tub was just a hellraiser. The two of us see this knee-high rubber boot just sitting in the middle of the cow barn, and it is dripping with liquefied cow feces. So obviously some farm kid must have stepped in the biggest pile of liquefied cow, and it maybe fell off or he just left it there. And Hotub, being a maniac, picks it up.

and we walk outside the cow barn. He walks up and throws it as hard as he can at a complete stranger. Oh, my God. And it goes fow whack across this dude's chest. Green, brown, liquefied cow feces splashes on the chest of this complete stranger. And the guy goes, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, and him and Hot Tub hug each other. And they went and got each other a beer. He is so lucky that that guy didn't want to kill.

Just a friggin' bizarre. One of my favorite memories, the year we camped at Edge Fast or X Fast, I can't remember. Shoot, you were married at the time, your first wife. And hanging out with Hot Tub, that was a blast. Well, that guy, he's a laugh a minute. He's out of his mind. All right, we've got to get out of here. Randy and Brad, have a terrific weekend.

We'll talk about the Super Bowl on Monday. Sounds good. Sure. Figure out who wins the game. We'll be back here in a few minutes on the program. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheeding.com. Providing the comfort you deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C-I, host of the Stacking Benjamin's podcast. Most economists agree. Small amount of inflation is actually good. 2% is what you're going for. But why is everybody freaking out?

Oh, because it's the fallout. People don't track their budget. You have this slow slipping that happens every month. So all of a sudden you go, man, I don't have any money. The reason is now two people go to a restaurant. The bill is $60 for $2. Two guys walk into a restaurant. They start screaming.

Isn't that hilarious? $60. Stacking Benjamin's, follow and listen on your favorite platform. My half-ass morning show. Minnesota's 93X. Now what? What do they want from us, Josh? Our heart and our soul?

They've earned it. They get 27 more minutes of it. Oh, my gosh. Wow. 26 now. All right, where are we at now? 26 and a half? 25 and 50 seconds.

It's the Friday model. There's a guy that's ready for the weekend. The Friday model of the 93XFass morning show. You're a frigging outstanding crowd. You know it. But where do we go from here now? Okay, what is this? Josh is the new Karen?

Yeah, I don't think we should go with this. I don't like this at all. Oh, I felt so bad for you when I saw this, Josh. I don't think that's true at all. Well, don't worry about it, Cubby. You got nothing to worry about it. But we hit on this a couple weeks ago. We were wondering what's the dude version of a Karen?

Is it Chad? Is it Ken? I can't keep up with all this social media crap. Apparently it's Josh. Josh is the new dude version of a Karen. The social media people have decided this. It's too late to do anything about it now, Josh. Social media people decided this, and they upped and shared.

the characteristics of a typical Josh. Now, none of these characteristics match up with our Josh, old cubby. Nicest guy in town, straighter than a grizzly's pecker, our Josh is. But this is what they've decided now. You bothered by this? Josh? Well, I don't like to besmirch the name. It's a proud name.

Well, it's not that I initially like the name, but I don't want to be to talk. target of this. Yeah, yeah. I can understand it. But if anyone knows you, so here you go. These are the characteristics of a Josh, who's the new official male Karen. A Josh is the bane of any woman he's dated.

I would hope, we've mentioned this before. I'm pretty sure I was on good terms with any relationship that ended. Of course you were. None of them felt bitter. Of course you are. Of course you were. If you ever had to end a relationship, I bet you just felt devastated for that person.

Well, what I would do, Dana, is I would fake my death. And I've moved all around the world. That sounds like you. That's what's so silly about this is this completely contradicts our Josh. I don't know many. I don't know many Josh's as this. I don't either, actually.

I've never went to school with one. Really? Never. Oh, I know too many, Josh. I've been thinking about eliminating a couple of them. Just stop being friends with them. What do I need to do to stay on that list? You're high on the list.

You're right behind Josh Allen. Now, one reason why the young people, the social media types, chose Josh as the new male Karen name, is because of the popularity of the name. it was very, very common to name your son Joshua or Josh between the years in 1981 and 1996. So there's lots and lots of them, which kind of surprises me. I can't think of another one of my buddy's son named Joe. But anyway.

I can think of quite a few, but everybody that I know is they're usually great. I wanted to be named Josh when I was a kid. I thought that name was so cool. No, really. I never really cared for it too much. There was a kid of a group. I think it's mainly because there's a kid of grade above me who was like the coolest kid in school. Everybody thought he was just awesome.

And he was great at every sport, you know, just that type. And I'm like, oh, he's so cool. I wish I was named Josh. That might have had something to do with it. Now, one Josh contributed to this report. And he said, he hopes this doesn't stick. He's laughing about it now, but he hopes this doesn't stick because he knows how a name can, affect your self-confidence. He says his mama. Her name is Karen. So maybe this whole Karen

movement had an effect on his mama. Yeah, I felt terrible for Karen's. I'm sure there's millions of nice Karen's that wouldn't ask to see the manager that are wonderful people. They'd find their own business. But here's the good news. I think most Karen's, including my late mother, had no idea this was going on. Yeah, they're not on the internet. No. I know for a fact that my mother had absolutely no idea that this little gimmick was happening. So again, it's silly because these supposed characteristics of a Josh are so opposite of you. But again, it says here, here are the characteristics of a Josh. A Josh is the bane of any woman he's dated. He's the man who insist he's quote just being honest while actually being cruel I know a few of those guys

if he's ever in an argument he will threaten to pull up a study to prove his point I disagree as a matter of fact I'd like to direct you to an August 25th 2025 article on NBC dot com entitled it's the golden age of Josh Google it it's real I did that before we talked about Just so I'd have something there. If he's ever in an argument, he will threaten to pull up a study to prove his point. No, that's not you. None of these are you. You're a great arguer.

I've mentioned this before. Josh is a great arguer because he remembers everything. It's usually something you hear men complain about. when it comes to arguing with their wives. Yep. Man, you know, my wife remembers every little thing I said, every little F-up I ever committed and she'll use it against me when we argue.

Josh is brilliant in that way. That doesn't work in my household because if I ever try to say like, yeah, I remember, like, I have like the, like, I remember exactly what happened, exactly what was said, my husband will just be like, that never happened. No, it didn't. And I'm like, because like, how do I prove that it did? Well, for me, like, I don't remember previous arguments, but in the time, you know, I'm listening to what the person's saying. So maybe I'll just point out,

like, well, you know, you just said this. You are an ace at picking out contradictions. That's one of your strengths as an arguer. It is impressive. I've seen you do it before, and it's It's something to see. Well, it's more just trying to be clear on anything than necessarily owning somebody. So calling someone a Josh is like calling someone a Karen. And here are the further negative traits of a Josh. If he doesn't already have a podcast, he's thinking about starting one. Do you guys, I know people that have been thinking about starting one forever.

I know years of podcast. nine years. I know people that are thinking about it, and I'm like, don't. I mean, it's easier than ever. Oh, gosh, yeah. For a couple hundred bucks or even less, you could get stuff. You'd sound pretty good. Yeah.

I hate to tell you this, Covey, but from what I understand, we're closing in on the ass end of January here. Did you hear about this? There was a movement called a No Josh January. My wife started it. Because she's spearhead. That had that movement. People were making a point to not commiserate with Josh's during the month.

This is the first I've heard of that. So, there you go. They're trying to make it, oh, as Ashley would say it with her Canadian upbringing, they're trying to make it official. I wonder if for any other Joshes that might be listening, I don't know if there are any other Joshes, but if you get this a lot, I've been called Jason my whole life. Oh, have you?

Yeah. You could pass as a Jason. For whatever reason, those two names must get, or Justin, Jason or Justin, I'd get that a lot. Well, the people who don't remember your name. Yeah, they just didn't remember. They'll assume it was, you know, remember it as Jason or Justin. How was good, Dan? Oh, I suppose I could see that, yeah. Jason was one of the top names, most common names, when I was in school.

If I would have ever said, F you, Jason, I would have had 625. Michael, Mark, Jason. Anyway, sorry, Covey. I hope that you don't get any kickback from this. Yeah, you don't deserve this. Wow, it's nice of you guys. Oh, here's another Josh that got Justin and Jason. Oh, no, I'm sorry.

He said he's Justin and he always got Josh or Jason. All right, so we're all a happy family, the three of us. So when I got here this morning, I missed the last couple of days with a little bit of a sickness that you can probably tell is. hanging on. It's mainly just a lot of throat rawness right now. Other than that, I feel much improved from a couple of days ago. But when I got here this morning, having not been in studio for a while, I saw a lot of boner materials sitting around.

We save all the penis stuff for you. Yep. Why did you guys ignore all this boner material? We know how much you love it. God loves a good boner. Who doesn't? I mentioned earlier that I've never. I was thinking about saving this for a dinner date my wife and I have tomorrow night.

But, okay, here's some of it. Since you saved it for me, I appreciate that. We might as well try to knock it out before we leave. Okay, this is old news to me, but just in case you hadn't heard, popping wood in the middle of the night, waking up with wood, these are signs that you're healthy. Yeah, I've heard that, right? You've got good blood flow. Things are working down there. Supposedly, it just makes sure that you're going to be able to get that when you need it at other times.

You know, it just keeps things reminding your penis what it's what it can do. Well, I have to apologize to my husband, I guess. I guess maybe I just haven't ran into this situation as much before I met him. But I've always told him, like, I always thought that was like a younger man's type of thing. Like once you, I even thought like once you get to like your mid-20s, you kind of don't really wake up with that kind of situation anymore. Oh, no. And, but he said that it, I think it happens more often than it doesn't happen.

I think it's supposed to happen. Yeah. And I didn't know. And I've kind of, I mean, I don't want to say shamed him. That's a little dramatic. Boner shaming your husband. But I've definitely been like, I thought that was, you might, is that normal? That's normal?

Well, as a matter of fact, Reifer Van Jesus said he had an all-timer this morning. Good for him. It's totally normal. So, I guess, the moral of... It can hurt, though. Sleep on it wrong or something? No, turn over. That would suck because, like, don't you guys usually have to pee right away?

Like, I mean, I know I usually do when I wake up, and I've heard that that's difficult to do. Oh, yeah, that can be messy. Every guy that you've ever met, Ashley, has learned how to do a handstand. You got to lay on the toilet at times. Or just go stand in the shower. I've never done that. That's smart. Cubby, here's the guy's never pissed in the shower.

So I guess the moral to boner material part one, and there's more, is if you're an older guy and you're not waking up with a baby arm in your pants, there might be something wrong with your heart. It's for real. It is. It's for real. More boner material when we come back here on the program. So, 93X.

Yeah, so I was saying a few minutes ago when I walked into the building this morning, I noticed that you folks left behind a lot of boner material. It just piled up over the week. You saved it for me. Boner penile-related information. So we might as well knock it out before we begin our weekend, get it off of our conscience. Here's a listener who texted in to say, every time I get a boner, my wife thinks she's getting some.

What an idiot. Well, yeah, we've mentioned before. Like, some people don't know. I mean, women. That's just because you have one, it doesn't mean like you're a horn dog pervert. Yeah, you guys talking about. Okay, yeah, I think I remember now that you said you didn't know that either. Nope, I had no idea.

I mean, how would you know, right? Yeah, exactly. Sometimes it's kind of like, why is this happening and why is this happening now? I heard a comedian do a bit once where he said, I wish there was a boner bank. You know, when you got one for no reason, you could bank it to use that a later time when you might be struggling to get things working.

That's true. Right, why can't you get one always when you want one? I'm going to take a deposit from the boner bank. Friggin' whiskey, D. All right, here's part two of this boner series that we're going to get through it all. women find men with larger penis is more attractive we're still playing this game it's 20 and 26 we're still playing this game bet it's a lot to do with just because if you have a big dong you're probably more confident and that's attractive to women

you're probably on to something there yeah i don't know i mean i'm fairly confident guy oh yeah that's exactly how i would describe you i've never seen you anxious or neurotic one bit No, no, no, no. Not you, Josh. So you can guess what I got going on down there. They also like us to be tall. Well, you've got that nailed. You know what?

A quick aside, I think I sent this to you, Nick, too. Serenity Kennel, Jesus sent us. They were here, you know, they're promoting their charity, great couple of guys. And we took a picture outside, the studio here, and they made it into a cartoon with AI. Yeah. I looked like a child. You look 11. Frank, who emailed it said that I looked like, quote, jail bait.

Like, it looked like you guys adopted me or I shouldn't have been there. Make a wish kid. You guys all look perfect. Nick looks so cool. Yeah. Nick looks badass. I saw the picture. Is it up on our website?

No, but I can put it up there. Yeah, that'd be a lot of fun for people to look at it because it's very well done. It's like bring your kid to school day. You look like an eighth grader. but yeah I mean you you do look very very young well yeah I don't know I very feminine yeah why did you stop it young

don't go any further yeah I know this is odd because I know our listeners don't have any idea what we're talking about so that's why I'd like to get that picture up on our website you know who I am the spitting image of in that AI picture of us I'm the spitting image of Troy the guy who runs

I go to this friggin restaurant on all the time. Rock Elm? Yeah, Rock Elm. I look like Troy from Rock Elm. Shout out to Troy's a nice guy. Okay, you know what else gals like? They like us to have a V-shaped torso. Here's the thing. Oh, like V-lines? I don't know. Yeah, you're like kind of like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to be into that when I was like a younger, I guess. That sounds weird when I say that, but. The whole size thing is just, my God, at one point or another, we need to let it go. This is the most interesting little fact from this chapter of our Boner series. Okay, again, women find men with larger units more attractive.

But then at the end of the story, it says, but they still factor in your personality. Doesn't matter. Check this out. It says here that we men rate our rivals with larger penises as more physically threatening and better at fighting. Now, I don't know about the rest of you is, but I'm way more intimidated by the guy that's got a tick-tack in his pants

because he's drawing his rage from a very dark place. Yeah, right. Probably to the point where the violence gets weird, it's not normal violence. So I don't fall in line with that. I got two guys I got to have a fist fight with. One guy's got 13 inches swinging around,

and the other guy's got a little pimple down there. I think it makes sense who I'm more afraid of. Right, the guy with 13 inches. He doesn't have a care in the world. Are you guys watching A Night of the Seven Kingdoms, the spinoff a game of games? No, I haven't. The most recent episode, it's, you know,

I watch the behind the scenes. They always put, like, right afterwards, they kind of throw a little behind the scenes in there, and they mentioned it was for comedy, but one of the guys on there, it's full frontal, and my God, it's a monster. He's got one? Oh, yeah, for comedy.

Yeah. Yeah. Ashley, are you interested in that at all? Not the penis thing, sorry, to be specifically a Game of Thurgeon. Thrones, I forgot if you watched that. I started and it was just, it was one of those shows where I had to focus and at the time I wasn't in the bad.

So I skipped all that and now it's kind of too daunting. Speaking of donks on TV, I know you guys watch the pit. Did you guys see that dong episode yet? Yeah. Yeah. And it was erection related. It was. It's really fun when, you know, my husband will like walk past the TV and he's like, what are you watching?

You watch porn? That happens all the time. He's like, is that a penis? I just see a penis. And I had to rewind it for him. You wanted to see it? There it is right there. We know he's a pecker checker.

Yeah, Nick, a guy, I think it was his anniversary. He took a couple of Viagra, you know, for their anniversary. This is on a television show? Yeah, on a show called The Pit. It's great. It's a very good show on HBO. And it wouldn't go away. So, I mean, they had to drain it on the show.

And they showed it. And also they had to massage it, by the way. Yeah, that was the best part. The guy got a free handy out of the deal. It was two women, massaging. It needs to relieve pressure. Anytime something has to be drained, I'm out of there. Ashley, earlier on, you were saying your limited knowledge on boners led you to believe that even when a guy hits his mid-20s, things might calm down there and he might not wake up with wood every morning.

Not the truth. What do you make of this? A text message came in and dude texted in simply this. I'm 43 and still rock hard. That's uncomfortable It's troubling, isn't it? He didn't have to say it in that voice. 43's not really that old.

No. All right, what else is in the mix here in our boner series? Society, how would it be different if penis size was as obvious as breast size? This is a good point. There'd be way more pecker enhancements. Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, if it was safe, I'd do it. And this is cute.

Someone texting in and said, it was a thing at one point or another for the penis to be on display, like a set of boobs. And it was in the friggin 80s. We wore pants so ungodly tight. There's pictures of me from high school where I can't even believe that I was, I mean, I was a skinny some bitch in high school. I can't even believe how tight I wore my jeans in high school.

You can almost see the veins. Oh, God, dude. It's not ready for that. That makes me happy I grew up in the sagging your pants era of the 90s. I was going to say that, like, sometimes this is true, though. I mean, like, the gray sweatpants theory, like women love when dudes wear gray sweatpants pants because I don't know really why the color matters so much. Maybe it's just easier to see than if they were wearing black sweatpants.

But, yeah, you can usually see what guys got going on. I didn't, so girls do check out packages, huh? I've never done it on purpose. I guess I've never been like walking down the street and been like, wow. Look at that penis right there. Yeah, I've never looked at a set of boobs on purpose either. It's always an accident. You didn't sound convincing.

Oh, I didn't, dang it. And finally, according to women. I'm 43, and I'm rock hard. I don't like the word rock hard. It like makes it grosses me out. I've never heard. God make a comment about his pack. Finally hear women say there's something out there called the hung smile where when a man

smiles in a certain way, it tells them all they need to know about his schwan Stoker. That's BS. Like a big D energy? What? His swan stooker. So, is there, is there a, anything, you know, Ashley, we've heard big nose, big hands, big feet, all those kind of stereotypes, if that's the right word to use there. Is there anything like that you ever believed

or you ever look at just to get an idea? Skinny guys. Skinny guys have big, big, big, big, these usually. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I mean, I'm talking like 90% of the time in my experience. I like that you put a percentage of it. Yeah. It's crazy. Fair enough. Look, that brings to an end our boner. How did I call it? Series. We got it all out of the way. It's all over. I'm going to miss it. It feels pretty good to get that off.

You know, our minds and go out and have a great weekend. That's a good way to end the week for sure. Welcome back, by the way. So awesome to have it. I'll tell you what. I can't even believe it. Yeah, thank you for everybody for being so cool this week. We definitely appreciate that.

That was a big help. And happy birthday to high and tight Jesus from Word Jesus. Have a great weekend. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too.

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