93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Gun-orrhea

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

Originally Aired January 20, 2026: Entertainer C. Willi Myles. Fish house mishaps. Everything you wanna know about calling 911 over 150 times.    Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-assed morning show. 90. Hang on to your ass. Josh. Here it is.

Live radio. Anything could happen. Any damn thing. With everything we can muster, we welcome you to the 93X half-ass morning show. We hope, sorry. Everybody had a terrific three-day weekend. At least those of you who were given the opportunity.

Hope you had a great weekend. I know I did. Hell, I got drunk. That doesn't happen too often anymore. No, not really. Was it a special, like, oh, was that the show you went to over the weekend? Yeah, I went to a show. Well, you know, you can't help but get drunk at some of those.

Saturday night into Sunday, I got myself drunk and I slept until 10 o'clock in the morning. Nice. Sounds awesome. Yeah, it was. It was. It was terrific. Went out to one of my favorite places in the whole world. Medina Ballroom Saturday night.

How was it driving? I did a lot of driving over the weekend. It was pretty dicey. I was seeing the State Patrol mentioned hundreds of accidents over the weekend with just kind of some of the icy roads, yeah. I guess I don't recall. That's like, what, five minutes from your house? It's pretty close.

Was there bad weather over the weekend? It was just there was a little bit of snow and it kind of froze. Yeah, that was awful. Yeah, it was a little dicey. I missed all of it. No idea. But headed out to the ballroom and went and saw a live rock band called Jump. They called themselves the ultimate Van Halen experience.

And F me running, did they knock it out of the park? F me running with the devil, did they knock D's into the dirt? Yeah, I heard that great. I highly recommend. Highly recommend that one to you, Josh. Oh, yeah. I appreciate you saying that. I've heard that before.

there's something to see. I wish we could have went. Like I said, it was a pretty busy weekend for us, but that definitely was one of the bands on my list I'd like to see. How do they compare to Atomic Punks? I mean, they're one of the greatest all-time tribute acts, and now Steel Panther. It's funny that you

asked that question because before the show, one of my bros asked me, do you think these guys can top the Atomic punks? And it's tough to say, tough to say, because I'm a big fan of the punks. Ralph, the lead singer of the punks, and now Steel Panther is one of the nicest, coolest characters I've ever met in the business of making rock music.

What does he call himself now? Michael Starr, formerly Ralph. So it's tough for me to say anything that might bump the atomic punks down, put them down in any way. I'll just say this much. The dude who was playing the David Lee Roth role for Jump has the acrobatics down. You'd swear to God you were watching Dave himself in 1980. That's great. Unbelievable with the high kicks and the back kicks and the...

That makes a difference. The splits. It was such a great show. How they compare to the punks, that's a difficult question to answer. But, you know, if you're a Van Halen fan, you're not. not just going there and you're going to hear jump and, you know, hot for teacher and running with the devil, ain't talking about love. They played some deep stuff. They played the full bug. Somebody get me a doctor, bottoms up, drop dead legs, Romeo Delight, beautiful girls. It was

just a great night. So I'm just, I'm ashamed that this was like the fourth time jump had come to town, but it was my first time seeing them. I'm ashamed of myself. I didn't get out there and see it before but the place was packed i i just uh wanted to push that in your face real quick what a great friggin live band they were well that's good to hear i mean that matches everything i've heard about them i'd love to see that band the atomic punks were so good i mean these got they set the standard so it's good to hear they're on par with them they did no sammy no gary all dave just the way it should be just the way it should be it's nothing better than a great cover band that really nails it like you were saying nick like the kicks and stuff they get the

mannerisms down and everything like that that's what really kind of puts them over the top for me it was a lot of fun a lot of fun also while we were off i watched myself a movie i did and a recent one actually i think it's pretty good 2000 23 wow this was an at-home type of a thing are you guys all dialed into this Netflix operation part of it yes if not my wife wife can show you how to do it. I thought you clarified at home as if a 2023 movie was still playing in the theater. I like that as well.

I like that very much. That's not possible. No, no. It's possible. It's just not very often does that happen. You know how I love dark, sad, especially if they're true stories. I just mentioned that

a week or two ago that sometimes I'll go on Wikipedia and just look up kind of dark historic events. So what was this? Sunday night. I dialed up a movie, maybe you folks are familiar with it,

called Society of the Snow. No? No, and yeah, never heard of that. Well, but you'll be familiar with the real story. It's another telling of the Uruguayan rugby team whose garbage airplane crashed in the Andes Mountains in 1972. Oh, you love that story, don't you?

Alive. That's a great movie. Yes. I remember reading about this poor group of kids when I was young. And then in, I think it was 1990, the movie Alive with Ethan

Hawk comes out telling the story of this rugby team that crashed in the mountains and some of them had to, well, all of them had to resort to cannibalism to survive until they finally walked out of there, which is just un-effin-believable, impossible. This is a retelling.

I believe the guy who wrote the movie was close friends with a few of the players who lived. But this is, Josh, you mentioned, alive. This is a darker, grittier, more real telling of the story, and I friggin' So I have seen this on Netflix. Like they advertised it a little bit. I didn't see the movie, but I know what you're familiar with. Or excuse me, I'm familiar with what you're talking about. But isn't this like not in English?

Did you have to read it or did they overdub it? It's overdubbed with English dialogue. Okay. I did get nervous at the beginning of the movie because it didn't appear that they would be speaking English at first, but they do. I've made that mistake once or twice where I got all excited about a movie. Yeah, I know. Anyway, terrific. Just much more of a real telling of the story, I think, than the one from 35, six, seven, eight years ago with Ethan Hawk.

So I dug the hell out of that. A lot of our listeners have already been texting in about our guy Marcus Villino. Yeah, you know, it's funny. last night my phone blew. I wasn't watching the game, and my phone blew up, everyone's saying, did you see he got a hat trick? And a couple in particular were wondering your thoughts, Nick, because at least one of them, the one I saw was an empty netter. It was the sissy's hat trick, is what he picked up. So an asterisk's next door. Of course, yeah, because his third goal was an empty net goal. But a lot of folks have been texting in already about last night, Marcus

Felino with the man, Bear Pigs, gets his first NHL hat trick. Well, how did one listener put it? gorgeous Marcus gets his first hatty with a half-ass morning show sponsored empty netter at the end. This is the life of the rich and milth thirsty. Oh, you ain't kidding about that. I was analyzing the look on his face and he had a smile and I couldn't tell if it was because, oh no, I'm going to get crap for my third goal here. Or if it was, he was just excited that he got a hat trick first of his career. Maybe a combination of the two? only wish we were going to get a chance to talk to him this week, but we're not scheduled

to talk to Marcus until next week, but we're not going to forget this. And there's no doubt in my mind when he put in that friggin empty net goal at the ass end. You know he was considering his next conversation with us. Because we do love to bust his balls about scoring nothing but empty netters and meaningless goals. He said that last week about that goal he scored. It was like 6-2 against Jersey or something. He scored 10 seconds left, and he didn't celebrate.

And he even said, he goes, you guys crossed my mind. Like, I know I'm going to get crap for this. Maybe we can get him on this week. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm going to send an email and see if just because of the occasion if he's willing to come on tomorrow. The occasion. Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, try him out. See if he's willing. What are they doing?

Tonight, they play in Montreal. So he probably won't be crazy about the idea, but give it a shot. Yeah, why not? What a jagoff. That was pretty funny. Yeah. That smile on his face. I didn't see the replay.

He had kind of a smirk on his face. Yeah, and it was a little, because at first I was looking for that look. The, oh, I'm going to get crap for this on the radio look. But I couldn't tell if it was out of who's just excited that he got the hatchery. It brings me back to the days of messing with Zachie, you know, getting him to do something for us on the ice. Zach Peresey. And he was cool enough to do so.

on a couple of occasions. The most notorious being milk was a bad choice. How many years ago was this 10, 12? At least. And his story was funny because he had said that we were, I think that was a listener's suggestion. We were asking, what should he say if he scores a goal? And milk was a bad choice is what we came up with from Anchorman.

And this was a playoff game. Yeah, exactly. Oh, that makes it even better. As a lot of you know, the pigs don't have. have a long-storied playoff history. You know, they had that one great run in 2002, 3, whatever it was, but their other playoff visits have been pretty brief. But still, despite the fact that this was a big playoff series,

we talked Zach into doing something for us, doing something to recognize our listeners if and when he scores a goal. Somebody texted in and brought up the idea that he should shout something out loud for all of us. And the winning bid was milk was a bad choice. And he had told the story afterwards. We thanked him. We were excited. You could read

his lips. You could tell he said. It was the perfect camera angle, everything. He was kind of laughing when he said. And he mentioned one of the funny parts is he had people go, what? What did you say? People were curious. Some other players wondering, what the heck was that?

That's hilarious. Yeah, that was good. What a good sport to go along with that. Yeah. And the fact that you remember, too, because I imagine in the moment, you know, in an NHL playoff game, you probably aren't like, oh, God, I got to pay back my radio buddies with an inside joke. Totally agree. That made it a lot cooler. So if we get a chance to talk to Marcus tomorrow or even next week, let's give him a challenge. Now that we've been busting his balls up and down about empty net goals and this and that, we'll talk to Marcus.

And maybe we'll ask him. Okay. Next time, if all you can do is pump in these empty net goals, maybe we'll challenge him. Next time he puts the puck into an empty net, he has to do or say something for us. I bet he would be game. Or what if he does like a spinnerama to score the goal? We definitely know he was thinking about the listeners at that point. Just a very dramatic Dennis Savard style spinnerama.

Like a slam dunk, basically, just really show things off. We'll talk to the guy. But yeah, that's a pretty cool story from last night. Marcus getting his first hat trick. Or as they say in the business, Hattie, and they play again tonight. We'll talk to Randy Shaver, and I think Brad Ryder's going to join us again today at 7.30,

because we got the college football and the pro football getting hammered with that stuff these days. It's Tuesday, so see Willie Miles. He's coming in today as well. Oh, Jesus, crammy. See Willie Miles? Seems like we just talked to him yesterday. Oh, so there you go.

Anyone else got anything to say about their three-day weekend? Nah, nothing fun, nothing of importance. You guys missed the company party on Friday. Oh, yeah, how was that? Elevated. You guys missed it along with most of the staff here in the building. It was lightly attended, but... How lightly?

I mean, maybe half of the people that work in this building. So give me a number. Maybe 20. It's going to say, how many people work in the building. Well, I'm throwing in significant others, too. Oh, yeah. So, I mean, of employees, maybe 15 and a couple people brought significant others, it was, you know, it's tough to tell, but it was pretty lightly attended. Well, again, it was 2 o'clock on a Friday afternoon.

Yeah, that was kind of crazy. It got late? Yeah, definitely got late. What do you mean? People stuck around for a while. A couple of us went out afterwards. Whoa. You went to the after party, Josh?

Yeah, well, it was, I had a lot of fun, but I was out much later than I wanted to be. Wow. Tell us. Give us a time. That I got out of there? What time did you get home? Well, late for me, but I got home close to 10. Oh, my God.

You were out of the house for too long. And I got there early. You always get there early. So it started to. Let me guess. Like 1.15, you walked in? 1.30. 1.30.

Yeah. There was a couple of people there at that point, setting up and whatnot. I'm glad you had fun because I felt bad that you were the only one out of all of us to go. And so I tried. I was like, yeah, you know what? I talked to my husband. I was like, I think I want to go. And it just didn't work out.

Well, as I mentioned, it was elevated this year because they sprung for, well, yeah, I'm going to explain. They sprung for more stuff. It was an open bar. Oh. Oh, well, now I'm pissed. Yeah, open bar. They upgraded the food. I mean, it was like fancy.

And I ate before I came because usually, you know, it's not the greatest. And I figure, I'll just kind of eat something now. And they upgraded the food. There was a co-worker that had a couple. And I didn't realize how sneaky, funny he was. That was hilarious kind of hanging out with him. Okay. There was a moment, you know, that we got a young guy that started in promotions.

You know, he's kind of a funny dude. He's fun to hang out with. And I can't remember that we were talking about how long I'd been here. And I said, well, this is my 30th year. And he's like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe you've been here that long. He's like, he's like, how old are you? And I said 50. And he's like, 50?

I never would have guessed that. And I'm thinking, here comes the compliment. And he's like, I would have thought like mid to late 40s tops. That's not a compliment. It's kind of the same thing. Yeah, a couple years at that, at my age, that means nothing. That means nothing. So after, what time did the party like start?

breaking up officially? I would say most people started leaving around five. Between four and five. And you made it. You made it another four hours, five hours. So who was this special group you went after partying with? Me, our program

director, Derek, and KQ's program director, James. Oh, you love those two guys. I do. We have blessed. Now it makes sense that Josh stayed until 10 o'clock. They left a little before I did. I met up with them later. I ended up staying until about six, something like that at the party.

So lightly attended, but still, if you said, you know, 15, 20 employees, I think that's pretty good. Well, that's about half the employees. And I think, you know. Who's this sneaky, funny guy that got drinks in him? Holden. Our engineer, well, not our engineer. The computer guy, the IT guy. Holden.

He was hilarious. He usually comes off stiff as a board. Well, he's tired when he comes in. He's definitely. He's tired when he gets here? When he gets here, he's exhausted. That happens to, energy drain sometimes at the front door for some folks in this building. He's tired, Josh says.

He's just tired. A couple seconds to wake up. So you had some fun. Yeah, it was a blast. I wish you guys would have been there. Especially when they had the open bar, I thought, oh, they're going to be disappointed about this. Yeah, darn. That's never happened before.

No? Oh, man. Never once. Employee the month. I had a couple, well, I had three. I see you maybe landing. employee of the month because of this? Oh, I think it would be the people that set it up.

First one there, last one to leave. Close to the last one. Had a couple of moon landings where me and a female co-worker's butt touched about three times by accident. It was very embarrassing. The first two was her fault. The third was mine.

We're standing kind of back to back. And as people would walk by, you guys know it's kind of tight in a couple areas there. What are we talking about? At the bar? At the bar. Yeah, it is. It's tight between the...

You got to go to one of these things. It's tight between the table and the bar. And so we were standing there, and our butts continued to touch. And it was very embarrassing. Less so when it was her fault. But when it was my fault, I almost knocked her over. I hit her so hard. Ah, that sucks.

I'm so sorry. So that was the danger of your butts being at almost the same level. Son of a bee. It's quite horrifying. The moon landing, you call it. Yeah, moon landing. Oh, man. Oh, here's a good question.

At the holiday party, at the company party, did you wave at everyone? Oh, when I walked in and when I left, sure. You're a waiver. Did a couple? I left at the perfect time because they have a band that's too loud. We were kind of excited because we could talk. Yeah, I thought of that when they said it was at 2 p.m.

I was like, oh, at least the band won't be there. I've gotten to the point now where I hate lies. music. Well, these guys are talented. I mean, there's nothing I can say bad about them other than it's a tiny space and it's very loud. I don't think they need to be amplified in that area. We're trying to talk. They're like five feet away. Oh, yeah. Are you saying the live act didn't kick it in until you guys were leaving anyway? Oh yeah. It was like right as we were maybe maybe half hour before I left they started playing. I've gotten to the point where I hate live unless it's in its most natural setting.

You're there to see them. Which is a large room, large room arena. You know, starting with a large ballroom, next level would be an arena or a stadium, right? Anything smaller than that, I hate live music because you have to shout. And it's just, so I'm thankful that you didn't have to experience that. I know that's been a battle for you guys, the last few company parties, is because they get a live band in a small room. Total nightmare, in my opinion.

The ultimate evil is a live band in a small room. And then the band takes like a five-minute set break, and everybody feels like they need to get everything out at once because they know the band is going to start coming back in a few minutes. So everybody's like speed talking real quick to try to chat real fast, and all of a sudden, now we're back! And it's still hard to hear because your ears are ringing. Yes.

It takes a while for the... them to repair themselves. Again, I got nothing bad to say about the band, because they are good. I mean, they're solid, but it's just so frigging loud. And it's weird. It's the same every year. Well, I'm glad you had a good time. You dig that type of a vibe.

You love, you like people in general, and you like to get to know who's who and this and that. That's perfect setting for you. Oh, yeah, it was cool. I do, you're right. Especially you get to talk to people you don't really see, you know, very infrequent. We've mentioned this before. People come in on Tuesdays, and that's about it.

I thought there was one guy there. He's a new guy within the last year, and he didn't get invited. He found out that he's not on the mask email list for Cumulus Minneapolis. And so he hadn't, lucky guy, he hadn't been getting the emails. And I don't know. How long do you think he, Joel? He's probably been here close to a year. I was thinking it was Joel.

Yeah. And somebody said something, James. said something to him on Friday like, hey, you're going to the company party? He's like, what company party? So can you imagine? Like, if I would have felt terrible. I'm kind of jealous. I wish I had that excuse. Where you just didn't get the email? Oh, I never got the email. Yeah. So he was like the one guy that had no idea until Friday that the company policy was coming up. F me. There you go. Open bar though, Ashley, and you missed it. Yeah, darn it.

Well, wait. So you had. Overall, a good time. There was the quiet guy who got a few drinks in him. Sneaky funny. There you go. You defined him as sneaky funny. You got to know some people that you don't normally get much time to talk to. So let's go the other way now.

Was there anyone that you got to know and now you regret it? No, not at all. What? Yeah, I mean, I'd tell you if there was. somebody I felt like, oh boy. Yeah, there's a couple people who, I mean, it was, I'm not going to forget how cool they were. It doesn't happen too often, you know, in big groups.

But, well, not that necessary. A big group of people that you don't know very well. But you know how this usually ends, don't you? With disappointment in some way? You find out there talking trash about you? Yeah, yeah. We know how this story ends. We've experienced it many times.

How many times? have you had your heart broken in this building, Judge? Oh, hundreds. Over 30 years? Oh, my God. Poor Josh. There's plenty of times where I'm like, you know what, I don't think I could like a person more. Right. And then you find out some terrible things. Isn't that? That's a damn shame. Oh, it's the worst. And it happens so often.

I've watched you fall in love so many times over the years. I have. Have you met Donnie? The guy that works in sales, he's the greatest. And we talked and talked. And then three weeks later, Josh, boy, that Donnie guy's not who I thought he was. He's a little bit of a different character. I hope none of that happens. I hope that string has been broken. No, no. I think we're all good.

All right. There are a couple people that were pretty affected, maybe over-embibed. Well, that's what you get when you start pushing free drinks down somebody's throat at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah, that's for sure. So a couple people got loaded. Yeah. To the point of maybe having to sit down. Like, ooh, I'm a little wobbly here.

If I would have been there, I would have been loaded. It's not 1999 anymore. I don't often sit down at 2 o'clock in the afternoon and start getting drunk. Well, nobody knew ahead of time. People were ordering drinks, and they're like, it's good. It's all covered. Maybe that was on purpose, so nobody showed up and ready to go. I had forgotten all about the company party.

I'm glad you brought it up. Bye, damn. Yeah, I wish you guys were there. It would have been a lot more fun. I mean, it was great even though you weren't, but I think obviously it would have been elevated had you been there. Oh, and then to close things out, you went and had private conversation with the two big program directors in the building.

Two guys who you absolutely adore. So give it to us straight. You're hanging out with the two big program directors in the building. Are we going to make it? I asked and they kept changing the subject, so I don't know. The three of us, who did they talk the most trash about? They didn't talk any trash. They're not trash talkers.

Are we going to make it? Or not. They did talk trash about former co-workers, and nobody on this station, but one particular other station. I pick up what you're putting down. Yeah. All right, you're bastards. Well, Merry Christmas to everyone. Yeah, you too.

That's what I was telling everybody on Friday. Merry Christmas. Did they decorate this party with Christmas decorations? Because this was our unofficial holiday party. No. No, nothing like that. That would have been. But I did sit on Santa's lap.

They brought in Santa. And I thought that was a nice touch. That is cute. Santa was available? Yeah, it's January. They don't start making toys until what's the, not Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day. Here we friggin go our first day back after a three-day weekend.

We'll kick it in the ass one way or the other. Like I said, I believe we're going to have both Dinkus and other Dinkus joining us at 730. That would be Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. I suppose before we wear ourselves out, we should get to the stupid news. That'll be coming up next on the Half-Ast Morning Show. The 93X Half-Ast Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealky. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Do not ever worry about your salary. You need enough to make sure that you aren't in a bad financial position.

Once you have that, your salary becomes moot. What matters from that point forward, upside gains. Any type of ownership stake or ownership potential, that's the money. Remember, you can afford anything, just not everything. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite

platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. I got something for you. You bet I do. I do. You bet. Let's go ahead and start with something for you barrel-ass, tough guys who go out on the ice this time of year

for a little fishing. I'm listening. You've been out on the lake lately? No. Never in my life. Oh, really? Never ice fish? Never.

Uh-uh. Oh, it's so much fun. S. A. WFT, soft. Absolutely. Never. Have you had the opportunity that maybe you passed on or?

We've been meaning to go with my father-in-law. Doesn't he have an ice castle? He does, yeah. Yeah, you got to go, dude. That's so nice. You can have pizza rolls and watch a movie while you're fishing. That does sound awesome, actually. You sold me, Ashley.

That is one way to do it. That's hilarious. Yeah, you ought to get out there sometime, Dana. I will for sure. I think you'd like it. I think I would, too. See what the hell happens. Keep an eye on your neighbor out there.

Any of you who are enthusiastic about ice fishing. You never know. There might be a violent lunatic. Up there in Canada, a 72-year-old guy, although he'd likely argue whether or not he's your guy or your pal or your friend, a 72-year-old Canadian. His name is Mike. And he's a total plug.

He's up against some charges because he allegedly attacked another fisherman last week. It says here the two boys were ice fishing on a lake summers up there in the Great White North. Mike apparently didn't like how close the other guy was a fishing next to him. So he physically attacked the other poor bastard like he was an angry territorial Canadian beaver. 72-year-old Mike attacked the other fisherman because he thought the guy was fishing too close to him, and he tuned the other guy up pretty good. Well, how close was he? They didn't get into exact, you know, measurements or feet or anything like that in the story,

Smashley. Must have been pretty close for a 72-year-old to walk across the ice, you know, and take the other guy out. He beat his ass. Yeah, pretty short walking distance. The other guy was able to pick his teeth up off the ice and call the police. the cops went out for a rip to the scene of the crime out there on the ice and when the cops asked Mike, you know, what the F was up his ass,

he went ahead and told him. He said, I went after the other guy because he was augging out holes and fishing a little too close to me, he said. Jesus, it's just a walleye or a pickerel. I think the dopy Canadians, they call them pickerel. So, I mean, here's a guy who I guess is very protective of his favorite fishing hole. Yeah, I was taught that actually by, I didn't grow up on boats or anything. I'm a city kid.

And so I was, I don't know, late teens, early 20s, the first time I was ever on a boat and outside of a canoe. And I learned all the fishing, you know, guidelines as far. Don't go too close with the boat, stuff like that. I had no idea. I never would have known, I could have been this person getting beat up, had I not been given that lesson before. Maybe he was filming an internet fishing show or something.

I don't know. It doesn't mention that in the story. Maybe Mike has his own YouTube. Or he just has a thing about personal space. But now Mike has to go into town next month to the Canadian courthouse and face his punishment. Feel free to text us your greatest ice fishing story, if you like. And I'm not talking about, hey, one's got a seven-pound.

I'm talking about you ever get any fights out there? You ever go through the ice? I've seen a couple of guys getting yelling matches where one guy thought his boat was too close to the other one when they found their favorite fishing spot. Dude. You've seen it as well? Well, I'll just tell you.

Just in a minute, I'll comment on that. 651-9-893-93. That's our Luther Kia of Bloomington. How do I say that again? Luther Keyer of Bloomington? That's our text line. You ever getting any fights? You ever go through the ice?

Any derelicks ever break into your house when nobody was looking? Did anybody ever burn your fishing shack to the ground? In high school, some dudes that didn't like us very much burned our fish house down for us. What? That's so messed up. Just taking a little far. He's so pissed up. It had nothing to do with fishing.

We're all in the same high school together. These dudes that didn't like us very much found out where our fish house was. We had a permanent house out on Parker's Lake, I think, out there in Plymouth, anyway. And they went and lit it on fire for us. Some nice casual arson. We're going out to go fishing and we see smoke and fire in the distance. We're all going, well, what the hell might that be? We get a little closer.

Our fish house is on fire. Who hooked up with one of their girlfriends? Nah, wasn't it? Wasn't it? I ended up punching a kid in the mouth for that. I get it. Yeah. We'd love to hear your ice fishing adventures.

Yes, Cubby. Barsaw Jesus said he was in a boat with a douche who started cussing out a family with little kids. They were anchored. We were drifting and he screamed, we're under God's power. God's chance to be. That would be confusing. That's scary. Someone screamed something about God?

God's power. This person wants to implement a law called the beer law. If you're close enough to their boat where he can chuck a full beer can and hit him, you're too close. and I should be able to chuck a beer can and hit you. Yeah, I mean, emotions can run high. I was thinking specifically ice fishing, but feel free to tell us any fishing adventures. I'm not talking about what you caught.

I'm talking about conflict, drama. I love it. I love America. Jesus had an instance where he set an ice house on fire. He said, I'll start by saying I'm not proud of this at my age. But back in the day, we were fishing at night, caught a nice walleye. A guy came over and stole that walleye, so later that night we burned his house down. And I will have to say, when you light a house on fire on the lake, it lights up the whole lake at night.

I bet that looks pretty cool. Yeah, I'm with you on that. You ain't kidding. I saw it firsthand. Well, when you were saying something about, I forgot what you said earlier, Josh, about boats being in close proximity to the others. One of my pals, no shame at all. will weave in and out in between boats, doesn't care at all, to the point where, you know, the other guy's got to reel his lineup because we're trolling.

Oh, yeah, it's embarrassing. But I've been in the boat with him a few times. And at the same time, it's kind of funny. He's got no fear. You know, up north where I used to fish when I was a kid, Namakan and Kabatogama, off the Ash River. Some of you, I'm sure, are familiar. I forget which of those bodies of water had an island called Wolf Island. But that was always the busiest island, always the busiest little spot for walleye fishing.

There'd be 25 boats at Wolf Island. My dad would never go in there, ever. Even at a polite distance because he thought, eh, let them have it. You know, we used to bitch. We used to say there's a reason why everyone fishes. woolfiling because that's where they're catching the wall eyes just go in there he would never go in there he thought it was rude there were too many boats in there but one of my buddies when we'd fish with him up there he'd weave right in and out like a damn obstacle course trolling right up on guys

some dudes just have those kind of balls iron range jesus said he almost fought a homeowner in burnsville while kayak fishing oh my god a homeowner yeah why did he include that well because we're It was somebody that must live on the lake there. Oh. I thought that was. He's kayak fishing, almost had to fight somebody. I see a lot of texts coming in. I mean, we'll do our best to get to these, but I dig this kind of stuff.

Yeah, the bastards burned our fish house right down to the ground. Well, to the ice, I guess. All right. Here's a real cutie pie. Hopefully you get to see this effing guy's mugshot. This guy's got summer teeth. Summer teeth and some are not. He's got a big fat-ass grin on his face and his mugshot,

but the chicklets look few and far between. Here's his major malfunction, and actually, you can let me know once we get cooking here if we have his picture up on our website because he does have a beautiful smile. His problem isn't unique. He's another one of these crackpots who will sit down and call 911

one over and over again for no good reason. Oh, yeah, this is up. Yeah. Guy Smiley, this guy. Ashley, did you look at his age when you posted that? No, I didn't. What would you guess? I'm trying to.

I'm sorry, I posted a couple mugshots, so I'm trying to remember what one it was. Guy Smiley. With the big beard. He's really smiling. Yeah, really smiling, but there's a few missing chicklets. Oh, if I remember correctly, I'd say 60s, if that's the right guy, I'm thinking of. What is?

How old is he? Oh, I have it here. Yeah, 52. He's 52. Oh. Yeah, that's, say no to drugs. No. That should be in one of those, yeah, the school.

Dare education. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that freaked me out. Guy Smiley here was arrested after calling 911 more than 100 times in one day, ski. Jesus. A total of 150 times in one week. That's what he did.

James Taylor is his name, but this isn't the same James Taylor that your hippie aunt fell in love with while listening to his records when she was a fourth grader. This James Taylor has also seen fire and he's seen rain, but that's because he's been sleeping on a park bench smoking meth rocks. As Josh said, this James Taylor is 52 years old. He's from a town called Pueblo, Colorado. So, yeah, the authorities there in Pueblo have had enough. of this effing guy, he won't stop bothering the 911 operators. He has the potential to have some really nice eyebrows if he just tried. Yeah.

The potential that has some really nice eyebrows. He does have eyebrow potential. There's good shape there. What makes for a good eyebrow on a feller? They're just like really full. Oh, he's one of the guys that doesn't trim them down. Yeah, so if he just, you know, got a couple of wax strips on those babies, it would look nice. No way.

You don't have to wax him. He just take the trimmie trim to them. Yeah, I take a trimmy thing to it. Yeah, trimming. Like my friend Timmy, he with the trimmy. I had a girlfriend make fun of me that I had to. They get unruly if I don't take care. You got to do what you got to do.

She was very shameful. Your girlfriend did not appreciate you tending to your... No, she thought it was ridiculous that I... If I told him, like, it gets wacky, it's out of control, I have to. I got to do something about it. Did she have funny grooming habits? No, not that I'm aware of it. Big old bush? Nope.

Never saw it. What do you mean you never saw it? Never saw it once. This was your girlfriend? Yeah. And you never saw what her downstairs was set up? No, I close my, you know how it is. I get the guilt kicks in.

I have to close my eyes. Oh, man. I feel so bad for you, Josh. He's not kidding. I can't look at that. He closed his. That's somebody's privates. Wow.

This guy, James Taylor, otherwise known as Guy Smiley, he called, what did I say? Called the cops, called 911, 150 times in a week talking nothing but pure nonsense. And when the cops got a hold of him and looked at James Taylor's career criminal record, they saw that this is his thing. He's been in trouble for this more than once. He calls 911 over and over again. He wax off. That's his gimmick.

If it makes you feel any better, Josh, it says here when the police locked James Taylor up for all this BS, he did apologize. That does. It does. You know, it sounds like this guy can. just use a pal and some wax according to Ashley. Yeah. And the dentist.

Even with your eyes closed, you must have had some idea of how she had things set up down there. No, I always wear like six, seven condoms. I didn't even mean to do that, by the way. I didn't mean to do the six-seven thing. I don't believe you. What if I felt something? That's wrong and sinful. I've heard it said that way.

To feel good. It's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Check out Homeboy on our website, James Taylor. Big, big beautiful smile, but meth has taken its toll. The story, as Nick mentions, out of Pueblo, Colorado. Dumbass Welder Jesus is in Pueblo right now.

We're five minutes outside of. He's on a road trip. That's cosmic right there. It's like we're talking right to you, man. Absolutely cosmic. China, the country, not the dearly departed, former television rassler, Hornstar, China, the country. I wonder if they have any idea how often we talk behind their backs during our stupid news report.

They're featured in here a lot. Yeah, they are. They're different. They do things quite differently than we do here. Here's what they're talking about in Hong F-Me running Kong. They got different ideas over there. A shopping mall has gone ahead and added windows to their public bathroom. Stalls.

And some of these are probably saying, you know, how's a guy supposed to whip off at the mall? If there are windows, that's how they're doing it. Now, the windows in the bathroom stalls, that idea wasn't the result of a direct problem with folks whipping off. Word is cigarette smoking indoors is still a problem in China. folks still like to burn one in public places over there, indoors, and hiding in the bathroom stalls is a popular spot for smokers.

I was at a youth basketball tournament over the weekend and somebody kept smoking pot in the bathroom. Oh, hell, yeah. A drug abuser? A drug abuser. It was a drug user at least, yeah. Probably some dad whose kids sucked and he's like, I got to do something to get through this day. It could be. I never saw anybody, but my goodness, it was overwhelming a couple of times. That's all anybody wants to do these days is smoke drugs. So you won't believe this.

So this is the deal. It's a popular spot in China. Smokers will sit down in the bathroom stalls. You know the routine. They act like they're cutting a turd, but instead they're just drawn down a heater. So the Chinese folks are trying to cut down on them. that. The bathroom stall windows I was telling you about, they have a cute gimmick to them. Because some of these might be saying, well, what if I'm legitimately sitting down to cut a turd?

I don't need anybody looking through the window. I don't need an audience for this. I don't need anybody to watch me wipe. Nobody needs to see this. But it's a tricky thing. It's a tricky gimmick they got going. You can only see through the windows if the person inside the stall lights up a cigarette. Now, don't ask me to explain the details, but it says here the glass is activated by, quote, cigarette, smoke, and heat. If a cigarette is lit, the glass goes from frosted to clear so people can see you smoking. That's the idea they came up with. Wow, it's fancy. In China.

I saw, we were, like, you know, I like to go out of those home shows and, like the parade of homes, things like that. We were at a house once where there was a window in the shower, which seemed awful odd to me, and it was like a full body. You could see. What? Yeah, it was crazy. And it just seemed like whoever designed this home was a pervert. But instead, there's a light switch.

You flip the switch and it becomes, like, fogged up, you know, or that look. There's another word for it. I would escape to me right now. Frosted, maybe. Frosted, that's the word, yeah. It becomes frosted just flipping the switch. So it was awesome. No, I would 100% forget.

If the light is off in the shower. It's not a light, it's a light switch. It's controlled by a light switch. Oh, oh, oh. Or a switch, I'll just call it, I guess. Okay, so if the switch is off, you can see through that window like any other window. Yes. But when you flip a switch, now no one on the outside can watch you take a douche.

Yeah, I don't know how well, you know, works on the outside, but from the inside, it looks completely covered up. It was crazy. That'd be kind of fun if I was like in the shower. I'd make my husband go stand on the outside of our house, and I would just like flick it off and on it. Now you see me now you don't. A couple of cheap thrills on and off. So also, if you're sitting on a public throne in China

and they've got this window set up, I mean, this isn't everywhere, but in certain malls and whatnot, they're putting in this glass that's activated by cigarette smoke. If you smoke a cigarette, suddenly the glass is see-through and everyone can see you breaking the rules. On top of that,

if you get caught taking a health break in there, two of my favorite little catchphrases for cigarette smoking, one older guy, he's checked out now, but one older guy, whenever he would come into the bar and order a drink and light a cigarette, he'd say, yeah, I got to make a health call. The other, this guy's still around.

Nowadays, of course, he has to step outside to burn one. But before he goes outside, he always says, I got to go get a breath of fresh air. If you take a health break in the stall, other than the glass suddenly being see-through, an audio message cuts loose on you and everyone else in the crapper with you. A voice says, this is a public place where smoking is prohibited.

for your own health and the health of others, please do not smoke here. Ah, that would get me more than the window. I don't want to be shamed. Laser Jesus said the glass I was describing is called privacy glass, and the parent company he works for is responsible for making it. I do remember the person showing the home had said the guy who owns it, he works for a company that makes that glass. So that's why he had it.

Shoot the privacy glass. Yeah, it was very cool. One of my favorite movie lines. Now, a spokesperson for this Chinese mall said that their new system, where the window becomes seethru, if you're smoking a cigarette in the stall, it seems to be working. They used to get several complaints a day about people smoking in a bathroom, now that's dropped off dramatically.

And by God, Josh, this has been a hot topic on Chinese social media. Oh, I'll bet. Some folks say this is too invasive. Probably. Probably a little bit. Invasive is the word. There are times that I kind of miss all that indoor smoking. Not in my own home. Because I grew up just choking on cigarette smoke in my own home.

But at the bars, at the bars, sometimes I miss that cloud of smoke that would develop over the bar like it had its own weather system. Sometimes I, you know, you miss out on conversation. sometimes. Folks, got to go outside to burn one. That's just wild to me because when I turned 21, the smoking ban was already in effect. So I'd never been to a bar where you could just light one up. I went to restaurants or like type of places with my parents. I do remember that, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I remember there was really no difference if you walked in and they were like smoking or no smoking section.

And when we were with them, they'd do the no smoking section. And it's still, there's still cigarette smoke. Right. It's not like it's separate rooms. completely. It's just like a little bit divider. Yeah, my parents would, like, walk five feet away from our table and then light a cigarette back when they smoked, of course. They don't anymore. I mean, look at the old days when there was smoking and no smoking on a frigging airplane.

That's crazy to me. You can't even fathom that. You're in a tube, a death tube. Anyway, I do miss. Can't crack a window. I do miss smoking in bars. There was something so beautifully filthy about it, you know. I remember when they stopped.

smoking indoors around here. It just was the oddest feeling in the world to walk into your neighborhood bar, and it didn't just smell like feces. It didn't feel right to me. I've grown accustomed to it, but I do miss it now and again. Talk about a clown show here. Oh, yeah, this is something silly that took place two years ago or so, but it's now, it's just now made its way to a courthouse, okay?

in Los Angeles, a dude is in trouble with the law for blocking a damn busy freeway so he could shoot his latest stupid music video. Pretty frustrating. Music video, huh? A music video. I bet it rules. Must watch. I'd like to see it.

Yeah, I want to see it now, too. They call it the 110 freeway in downtown Los Angeles. Now, I've never been out that way, but I hear. hear that most days, their freeways are a full-on blowbang. Yep. This dude blocked folks from getting where they needed to be one day a couple years ago because he was looking to go viral with his terrible new music video. I'm surprised he didn't get shot dead.

Right? Yeah. I would think that'd be very possible. I can't tell you what kind of music dude is into. He goes by the name of Eduardo, which I admit is an excellent name. It says here during afternoon rush hour traffic a couple of years ago, Eduardo and his pals, Eduardo and the Funky Bunch, I think, is what they go by.

They drove onto the freeway and then just straight up parked their cars in lanes of traffic blocking everybody from moving. and then Eduardo hopped out of one of the cars and started recording the video for his latest single. Some of Eduardo's other bros also did donuts in their vehicles there on the freeway, you know, to add like a nice vibe to the music video. And now Eduardo might be looking at four years in the Grey Bar Hotel. I mean, I get it. Eduardo thinks, at the time, Eduardo must have been thinking,

if I can get enough attention and enough likes or whatever on friggin' social media, the record companies will have to sign them up. But this was two, three years ago, and this is the first I've ever heard of Eduardo, so I think it's safe to assume it didn't work. Sorry, man. I'm surprised no one shot him dead. Can you imagine if he really does four years in prison for that music video? I can't imagine.

Can't even imagine. Man. He's going to get his ass cat. It reminds me of that love-hate story. And you might be wondering, what do you? Love, hey. The band Love Hate. Josh and I have gone on and on about that band before on this radio show. Their debut album, Blackout in the Red Room, is one of both of our favorite records.

90 or 91, I can't remember which. It's just a terrific hard rock. record. And unfortunately, grunge took over right at that very moment, or I think love, hate, would have been a much more successful group. Their second record, you know, so they had quite a, Grunge hadn't completely destroyed everything that we loved yet. Because when their second record came out, there still was high hopes for love, hate. And they tried a gimmick that they thought would put them completely over the top. I can't remember the name of the second record.

Was it something like America, this or that? Maybe someone can look it up. Anyway. Something close to that. On the day they released their second record, the lead singer, the infamous jizzy Pearl. Shouldn't have done that. Wasted in America.

Wasted in America. Thank you, Cubby. Jizzy Pearl and the record company and everyone had this idea. What we're going to do on the... the day our record is released, and they went through with this, Jizzy Pearl was chained to the Hollywood sign, the infamous, famous Hollywood sign. And they thought, my God, as soon as everyone wakes up in the morning in Los Angeles and sees someone chained to the Hollywood sign, everyone will come running.

The media, the cops, fire department, ambulances. And, oh, it's Jizzy Pearl from love, hate. and that will be the momentum they need to push their second record to number one. This is such a great idea. The problem was they went ahead with it. They changed jizzy Pearl to the frigging stupid Hollywood sign. Nobody cared. Nobody showed up.

Wasn't it like supposed to be as if you were being crucified? I thought they brought a cross up there or something. That I don't remember, but you could be correct. I thought, yeah, because I remember some people were upset by that too. Oh, I don't remember the religious vibe to it. But anyway, nobody cared, nobody showed up. Jizzy's hanging out there in the sun, vultures, pecking the way it is, pecked his skin off of his bot. Any second now.

Total nightmare. That is great when somebody does something for the attention and they get none of it whatsoever. Oh, we've gotten great joy out of that over the years. I remember you guys telling the story about the guy in the boat crews that jumped off the boat thing and he was going to be a legend. And everyone's like, oh. Yeah. It was more like, what a dumb ass. And then everybody went back to what they were doing.

Anyway. The two DJs from Milwaukee who jumped into the pool naked broad daylight thinking everyone would go, oh, you win the radio crazy competition. This was one of our stupid tropical trips to the Bahamas or whatever nightmarish places we went over the years. All radio douchebags, for the whole three, four days, they're all trying to out cool and out crazy each other because this is the 90s and we're in radio. Look what I am. look who I am. And we're all standing around a pool, broad daylight.

And here come the two dorks from Milwaukee. They're totally naked, broad daylight. They jump into the pool. And when they came out of the water, they expected us all to go, oh, no way, dude. And all that crap, nobody made a sound. Those guys were tough to be around. It's awesome.

One guy in particular. Neither one of us. That doesn't make any sense because there was far more than two of us. None of us made a sound. none of us looked in their direction and now there's just two naked 35 year old chubby dudes in the pool together

and they just had to peel themselves out and they didn't know what dude they were stunned that they got no reaction out of it. They also didn't get a lot of people well the one guy didn't get a lot of people believing that he was dating actress Natasha Hensdridge he was running around saying that and that's when she was hot you know

back then by hot I mean you know people knew who she was and he he got nothing out of any nobody believed the guy i mean if you saw him you'd understand yeah good lord sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show fourth and four the man in motion williams sprinted for space in all kinds of trouble put it up for me i have one simple question what the hell were those two rams defensive backs doing on that play they must have just thought well that's over nobody can get out of that one i totally agree just

go stand next to the guy that's in the corner. Why not stand next to the guy that's in the corner of the end zone? That made no sense. Crazy things happen over the weekend with those National Football League playoffs. That was audio of the Chicago Bears tying it up in the closing seconds. Playing at home against the Los Angeles Rams, the Rams ended up winning the frigging game. But that was confusing. Watching that effing guy catch the ball in the corner of the end zone, there's two Rams defensive back standing six, ten feet away from them. What are you guys doing? There's a lot of fun.

Lots to see over the weekend with the NFL playoffs. Dramatic stuff. Hey, you know, coaches getting fired after losing. What's the name of that cat, McDermott? Yep. With the bills, he got gas because they can't win big games in the playoffs, ever. Was there a rumor that was even going to have? I was pretty surprised.

I was surprised, too. I mean, obviously fans were always bitching about the coach. But I didn't think that the front office would actually take it seriously and fire the guy. I was shocked. They fired the guy because he can't win big games. Oh, man. So we're all set for those conference title games, and we'll talk about it at 730 with Randy Schaver and Brad Rider. Pigs won last night, and yeah, hat trick with an empty net goal for our guy, Marcus Polina.

We're going to try to get them on the telephone tomorrow. Usually we'd have to wait a week to talk to Marcus. We're going to try to get them on the telephone tomorrow because that's so wonderful and great conversation material where Marcus goes out and gets the sissy's hat trick. Here's the guy texted in, Josh. He said, a hat trick with an empty net goal at the end. That's like saying you had sex with Pamela Anderson

because you masturbated while staring at her poster. Well, then I have had sex with Pamela. Anderson. Many, many times you have. Timba won't. Play tonight in Salt Lake City, Utah. Again, Shaver and writer coming up in a half hour. Don't go anywhere. More news with Josh here coming up. The 93x half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat.

And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting, workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

And it spells relief for you. Vince Colonais is redefining news talk. I'm Vince Colonais, host of the Vince Podcast. I'm bringing you the truth beneath the headlines of all of the nation's top stories. In-depth interviews. We feature newsmaking interviews with the top guests on the whole planet and I'll ask the questions you only dream of other interviewers asking and a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. It's a show with an obsessive focus on what's

good for America. You are going to love Vince. The Vince show, follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. It's not just the swearing. Did one of you fornicate? Look, I've boned a lot of chicks in my time, sure. But as far as I can recall, I've never ornicated anybody. He found a very serious ethical violation, did exactly what he was mandated to do, and now he's being punished for it. A former employee of a North Carolina suburb said he was fired in retaliation for reporting surveillance footage which showed the town's mayor inside town hall after hours.

Without pants. Jeff Noble worked in IT for the town of Mooresville about 27 miles north of Charlotte. Months before his dismissal, he noticed the mayor's swipe card being used at odd times. That discovery led him to review security video. The footage shows Mayor Carney entering town hall after midnight with a woman. Later, the video captures the mayor, walking through the building's hallways for an extended period of time, notably minus trousers. After motion detectors were triggered, police responded. The video then shows the woman retreating into the mayor's office when cops showed up. According to the lawsuit, his behavior

conflicted with town ethics and security policies. You can see the mayor at least a couple different occasions without wearing pants, which is very big issue. That's unethical. Noble reported the footage to a supervisor and was promptly rewarded with administrative leave. Town officials locked down access to the video and accused him of passing it along to the press. Asked to explain the late night no pants party, the mayor dismissed that incident saying there's no video of me in my office or anything.

I mean, it's just about me in the hallways. I can't imagine it would be anything pressing, just me going to the bathroom. Soon after the incident, Mayor Carney took an extended leave of absence from his office. He takes his pants and his underwear is completely off before he goes and walks into the bathroom. Yeah, before. Beforehand, he'll just... He just knew it was going to be gnarly. Better get this off just in case.

So the allegations are this is where he was bringing chicks. Sure seems that way. To the mayor's office to get laid. Sure appears to be the case. No, no, no, no, no. I just got to go to the bathroom. Well, I mean, kind of a pimp move, though, really, when you think about it, right? Yeah, going at it on the mayor's desk.

Yeah. I'm sure that's what he's thinking. Yeah. Be careful about the kind of volatile sleeping companion you invite into your bed. A northern Minnesota man's bad choice of bedfellows rifled him awake with an STD, a stray trigger discharge after he accidentally shot himself while sleeping with a gun. Oh, boy. The 67-year-old called 911 just after midnight Saturday to report a bloody case of gunneria,

having accidentally shot himself in the leg with a pistol. According to authorities, the man lives alone and said he woke up after hearing a noise, reached for his gun, and then drifted back to sleep without realizing it. At some point after that, the weapon discharged. Fortunately, that wound was non-life-threatening, just embarrassing. Dude. Close one. A jealous gym goer traded reps for retribution outside of Houston area 24-hour fitness last week,

resulting in a 25-pound statement hurled toward a romantic rival's head. According to police, 24-year-old Errolin Martinez spotted a woman she believed was romantically involved with her boyfriend at the gym, then decided to swap dumbbells for drama by grabbing a weighted plate to send flying toward the other woman's head. Oh. I could kill a gal. Yeah. Now, I apologize for the word I'm about to use, but she said it. Bitch, I'm going to drop this 25-pound weight plate on you.

She yelled at Cindy Aguilar before the January 7th attack. These two individuals don't necessarily know each other to our knowledge. We do know a 25-pound weight can be a deadly weapon, considering where you hit the person at. The court seems to think Martinez may have been mixing muscle and martinis. The judge overseeing the case said probable cause suggested alcohol was a factor in that incident. As a result, she's barred from consuming all alcohol, including any food, mouthwash, or over-the-counter medication containing alcohol. Jesus, that's pretty serious. Yeah, I didn't know they would rule out mouth.

I mean, they're probably hoping you're not just downing it, but you can't even use it. No listerine, no nothing. Nothing. The court also prohibited her from using marijuana. possessing any weapons or contacting the victim. She must additionally keep 200 feet away from the 24-hour fitness where that incident occurred. Ashley, didn't you tell us back in the day for a couple weeks you worked at a gym? Yeah, I did overnights.

And you worked overnights. So bad. Overnights at a 24-hour gym. Yeah, that's sketchy. It's a sketchy business. And did you not also say that plenty of people showed up drunk? Yeah, I mean, it was. It was weird.

Everybody that came in after like 10 p.m. was on something or had a really weird personality. Yeah, why can't you make it to the gym until 1 o'clock in the morning? That's what I want to know. I did go. I remember, geez, I think when I was like 1819, I was working at Olive Garden and one of the cute servers there invited me to go to the gym after work. And so we went to the gym at probably like 11 p.m. midnight. And I just, I felt bad about myself doing that. It's a strange time to work out, but I can't think of anything more miserable than pressing weights while drunk.

Don't knock until you tried it. We're not talking slow-pitched softball here, you know what I mean? Throw up. That's the perfect game for alcohol, as we all know, is slow-pitched softball. But trying to bench press while drunk, that's terrible. Insane. There are countless ways a parent can mortify a teenager, but few escalate from everyday embarrassment to something resembling a dress rehearsal for the Scarletletlet. But the following two stories are unique examples of kids left to face the fallout of their parents' shame, including one right here in Minnesota.

First, a 42-year-old mother in Michigan will be spending time behind bars for making a false bomb threat against a suburban Detroit high school because her daughter was barred from participating in the school play. Crystal Royster was... The girl sounds like she has enough problems already as it is. Yeah, who gets a ban for me to part of a play? They begged people to go out for the play when I was in school. She was sentenced to serve two weeks in county jail following by an additional 18 months of probation after causing some theatrics of her own,

placing two phone calls to Lakeshore High School in St. Clair Shores, Michigan, each time falsely reporting there was a bomb in the building. Royster called the school after being notified her daughter was not allowed to participate in the school plays opening night per school policy due to her being sick and going home earlier that day. Then she went for Act 2 and did it again, hoping to delay opening night so her daughter could perform.

Authorities were not amused by the improvisation. Those calls cleared the halls, forcing more than 700 people out of the building when police showed up. They brought in even officers from other jurisdictions. They were so worried about it. They conducted a full sweep of the school. Luckily, nothing was found. Hell, that kid maybe faked being sick because she didn't want to be in the stupid school play. Could very well be.

Could very well be. She's in some serious trouble. Yep. Yeah, I bet. Mom is troubled. It really likes to watch her daughter perform, that's for sure. The next example of a parent with an uncanny ability to embarrass their kid, trade stagecraft for spreadsheets with the mess made right here in Minnesota.

A mom entrusted with her daughter's softball league finances. Allegedly treated the treasury like a personal cash machine. Appointed treasurer of the Plymouth Wisetta Youth Softball. Association in June 2020, the 52-year-old held the books, managed the online banking, and kept the keys to the vault. A Facebook post welcomed her with praise for her lengthy financial career, her former apparel business, and her devotion to girls' sports. At the time, it sounded like a home run hire. But according to the criminal complaint, the upbeat softball mom introduction struck out. The first clear warning surfaced in September of 2024 when the

IRS contacted the association to say, why haven't you been paying taxes for years? Around the same time, vendors and coaches began asking why their payments had not arrived. The unanswered questions stacked up, and by early last year, the concerns cost her position. The league president began reviewing bank account statements and noticed a pattern of ATM withdrawals, which had never been approved by the board, including withdrawals made at local casinos. Investigators allege she tried to keep the books looking balanced.

by trimming deposit amounts or disguising missing funds under legitimate sounding categories like, quote, clinic expenses or equipment. In total, she allegedly stole $110,000 during her time as treasurer. You friggin idiot. That's just... She's got daughters on the team. How the hell did you think you were going to get away with that, you friggin moron? Yeah, 110 goes missing from a youth sport league.

They're going to figure that, 110 grand. The informal... hierarchy of petty crime in that car thieves apparently bow to boulder bad guys while attempting to steal a car in a commuter lot january six a massachusetts thief popped the trunk discovered a kilo of cocaine and got so spooked he reported it to cops who then busted the dealer it belonged to according to police the would-be crook admitted he was trying to swipe a kea when his plan stalled at the steering column a screwdriver pride things open but the ignition refused to cooperate so he popped the trunk to look for valuables. When he spotted the package of drugs, marked with the

image of Bugs Bunny, chomping a carrot, he said he got scared at the possibility of getting on the bad side of a dealer and notified police. He first claimed he stumbled upon the cocaine on the side of the road, then confessed to the real story. After providing assistance, police declined to file charges against him because he helped them out. Officers installed a camera near the car and waited. That stakeout paid off when they arrested a 62-year-old on trafficking charges. So the original dude is off the hook. Yeah, because he helped out the cops.

But wouldn't it be, he's afraid of, he was terrified like, oh, no, I'm going to get killed by a drug dealer. Wouldn't you just walk away versus calling the cops if you're that scared? Yeah, I think I'd get out of there and hope that nobody saw me. The increasingly popular pattern of irony doubling as a storage strategy has made its way to Minnesota, were a woman's bag labeled definitely not a bag. A bag full of drugs was definitely a bag full of drugs. What? How could that be?

Just before midnight on New Year's Eve, the 48-year-old woman was arrested in Pryor Lake on suspicion of drunken driving and drug possession. The case stemmed from the contents of that ironically messaged bag found in the same city where I'm a 2005 graduate at the Police Department Citizens Academy. But I'm no hero. I'm no hero. When officers asked whether she'd been drinking, she answered a lot. She elaborated with a liquid resume, which included a Yeagerbaum just before driving, along with Jameson and Red Bull, she said. A breathalyzer confirmed the alleged drunk's candor. She did, in fact, have a lot, registering a .195.

After she was arrested, she told my prior lake colleagues they were going to, quote, find a bunch of S in her car. And they did. An officer located the bag bearing the joke label, which contained a marijuana brownie and 14 psychedelic mushrooms, Police also discovered additional marijuana, cocaine, and several pills, including oxycodone. Her honesty didn't keep her from getting arrested. She was charged with four misdemeanor counts of drug possession, one count of driving while drunk. The bag itself is hardly unique. Versions of the same punchline purse have surfaced in other police reports and news briefs across the country,

where each admirable commitment to the bit lands the same way, an arrest and entry into evidence. I love these. This has replaced that gimmick where you get really hammered and go driving around with your DARE T-shirt on. Yeah. Yeah, there's quite a few of these stories. I was looking around to see if it happened in Minnesota before, and I didn't see that, but certainly all over the place. They're pretty popular. People were sending us like Amazon links where you can buy these things.

Apparently, a lot of people reach for their phones while watching TV these days, scrolling through social media or texting while the show is on. In fact, that habit has grown so familiar. Netflix is adjusting how it makes content. Actor Matt Damon said in an interview with Joe Rogan that Netflix knows many viewers get distracted by their phones, so the company is adapting its movies to suit a phone distracted audience. Damon said they won a big action scene right at the beginning and that characters have to repeat the plot that is three to four times.

Whoa. It all becomes so stupid. Wow. Just to remind folks what they're watching. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were on Rogan to promote their new Netflix original movie called The Rip. I like that. Which is streaming now.

I did too. I thought it was really good. Uh-huh. I watched it last night. It was, yeah, it was a good movie. I like anything with Matt Damon, though. Yeah, he's good. If every band has its thorn, then singer Brett Michaels just may be poisons.

The band's 40th anniversary tour is reportedly off. After singer Brett Michaels allegedly asked for a payout far beyond what the rest of the band would receive, at least 600% more. Drummer Ricky Rocket addressed the situation saying he wanted the lion's share of the money to the point where it makes it not possible to even do it. It's like $6 to every one of our dollars, he said. You just can't work that way.

Rocket also noted that moving forward without Brett and finding a replacement's not off the table, though it's not a direction he wants to take. Apparently, yeah, again, 600% more than his cohorts there. Sounds like someone's got their wig on a little too tight. Yeah, and it's, you know, the original lineup, it's not like some hired guns or anything. One more poison-related note. Frontman Brett Michaels announced a new book and a forthcoming biopic you'll soon be able to see-see,

both titled Unbroken, Then Now and Forever with plans to release this year. A book about the life of Brent Michaels? Yes. Okay. While details are pretty scarce at this point, the bandana wearing front man offered fans a glimpse of what's coming by teasing the projects on social media, sharing a photo that paired him as a kid, clutching his first guitar with a present-day shot of the poison singer

doing what he always does best. The caption read, If I can survive rocking out on shag mustard-colored carpet on my first guitar, technically a ukulele, L-O-L, he wrote, and remain as excited now as I was then, that is the it factor, the intangible spirit that keeps me unbroken, he wrote. Well, let me tell you something, Cubby.

it's disappointing to learn that Brent would want to bone his bandmaid so badly by getting paid $6 to their one on their reunion tour. But on second thought, hey, when you write unskinny bop. That's true. Don't you think you have a little more coming to you when you're the guy who wrote unskinny bop? Even back then I thought that was pretty stupid. I couldn't believe my eyes. the first time I saw the music video. I thought this is the absolute end of hard rock right here in this moment when I saw

the music video for a song called Unskinny Bob. Yeah, everything about it was stupid. Yep. Everything. Dwight Shrewd on the office, Rain Wilson 60 today. Paul Stanley turned 74. Is Paul Stanley 74? Sure is.

Happy 16th birthday to Grim, a longtime member of the puppyhood. Blackbeard Jesus, Texas. a birthday shoutout to his old man turning 62 today hope it's a good one and if i could happy anniversary to my wife of 18 years today oh congrats man thank you and that's and that's 93x news randy shaver and brad rider on the half-ass morning show that steps up the universe downfield in a second jama lee's shot indiana's first national championship the indiana hosures are the Kings of College football. That's our dramatic return to the airwaves

after taking Martin Luther King Day off. We have returned. And we've got... He's ready to go. You're happy about that, Randy? And we've got our pals to back us up. Some of them are quite asthmatic this morning. Pals, as far as yeah, I can see.

Randy Shaber, see Willie Shaber. Miles. Do we even have Brad Ryder up in here? Sure do. Hello. That is just great. Good morning. Hello, hello. Just great. Good morning. Randy Shaver, are you planning on giving us the, if it can happen in Indiana, it can happen here speech again? I am not. No. What a tremendous football win last night for Indiana. Just what a storybook. It's just crazy. If you would have told me, I don't even know what the odds were two years ago, that Indiana could even have a winning season, let alone win a national championship.

It's absolutely crazy. The University of Indiana got it done. Yes, they did. Yes, Brad Reiter. Even this year, I think their odds were 100 to 1 this year. Hunter. They made the players. Yeah.

Yeah, after they had a good year last year, they were still 100 to 1 going into this year. I'll be damned. I think one of the secrets, and there's many of them that allow Indiana to do this, but maybe a lot of college football programs will now look at this, is that the NIL is allowing these programs to keep players longer if they want to, because they're getting paid. They're not in a hurry to leave. And Indiana's roster is older.

I think they average like 23, 24 years old. So that might be the way of the future for, some of these college football teams only because the rush to the NFL for some of these players isn't necessarily there anymore. In fact, it's not there anymore because of the pay structure of college football. What do you think you were worth, see Willie Miles, when you were playing for St. Cloud State University? What could they, what should they have paid you to play there? I mean, I was worth more than they was giving me. I think the statute of limitations ran.

But back then, I don't know, man. You know, it didn't cost much back in the day. You know, if I'd have got $500, I'd have been fine. $500 would take you a long way at San Claude State University in 19-77. 77. Yeah. A week. Free entry to some of the college bars probably was enough.

Yes. Yeah, $500 a month would have been, like, that's been like heaven money. God. I remember when I was up there if I had a 20 in my pocket, I thought, well, I got the weekend nailed. A 20 was about all you needed up there. Yeah, it's true. But anyway, the University of Indiana Hoosiers won the college football national championship last night, their first ever undefeated season, all this and all that. What a hell of a deal.

Miami was tough, especially in the second half. University of Miami was tough. If I can say this, that was probably one of the best championship games I've seen a little. long, long time. I agree. It's a good one. It was a great defensive game on both sides, and, you know, you got to root for a team

like Indiana. I mean, you just had to. I didn't like to, but I did. It just goes to show how many things have to go exactly right in a season like that for them to have an undefeat, not only win the championship, to have an undefeated season, you go back to that Penn State game, and they had to go 90-some yards to win that game in the last two minutes, and the guy gets his foot down. by like an inch in the back of the end zone or else they lose that game.

And then last night, too, if they don't block that punt, I mean, the guy gets his hand up. I mean, if that's a foot to the other side and he doesn't block that punt, they probably don't win that game last night either. I think you also have to admire the guts that Indiana, that Cignetti showed, especially on that, when they're up by, I think, a field goal, they decided to go for the touchdown fourth and five, and they run the draw play with Mendoza.

But just understanding that the field goal probably wasn't going to be enough, that they're going to have to try to get a two-score lead with about nine minutes to go to have a fighting chance to win. And he does it, and he goes for it. It's, you know, pretty impressive. They made some huge plays, Indiana did. They made some huge plays. What a frigging deal. But Bradrider is right.

If it wasn't for that block punt by the Hoosiers, maybe they lose that ball game. and that story ends terribly. What did do, Jesus, has texted in on the current state of college sports, and he said if he was getting paid, he would stay. He wouldn't be so antsy to jump up to the professional level. He said he'd stay for one reason. D1 Babes. Division 1 quality babes, he said,

is why he'd stay playing. in college ball. And you've got a much more fighting chance with those D-1 babes because you're getting paid. Word. Better date nights. Yes. All right. So that ends the college football season. Now we're

all set up for those conference title games in the National Football League playoffs this past Saturday. The Denver Broncos beat Buffalo at home and overtime. Very dramatic stuff. Yes. The Seattle Sea Donkeys beat the 49ers brains in.

Sunday New England defeated Houston and the Los Angeles Rams took Chicago out the playoff. She went to overtime and the Rams got it done. The last second pass play that the Bears used to tie the ball game was what everyone was talking about. It was totally mental.

Just crazy. So go ahead. Spill your guts on what you saw over the weekend with the National Football League. Well, first of all, I'm shocked that Buffalo fired their coach. I just don't who could you find right now in the coaching climate that can do a better job?

I understand they didn't get where they were supposed to go, but man, they've won, what, 90 and lost 30 in the last eight years? They're in the mix every year. It's just insane that he would lose his job. Yeah, a fire guy, when the top two coaches are already off the board. They're already off the board. Right, so, yeah. Exactly. Am Newton's available?

It's not like they fired him to go after John Harbaugh. No. That's correct. But you guys know the gimmick now? No, I get it. And he's been there eight years. And so I understand that they felt like they needed a new voice or whatever it is. A new direction.

It's all crap. It's all crap. I think he'll end up at a place right away. Because he's just too good a coach not to coach right now. Tom Pell Serro just tweeted that he's got an interview with Pittsburgh on Wednesday. I think he's a great fit for Pittsburgh. The Buffalo Bills gasped the coach after they lost to Denver. I actually think that Brian Flores is a great fit at Pittsburgh, too.

So we'll see what happens there. That touchdown passed by Caleb Williams to tie the game was the most insane play I think I've ever. I jumped out of my seat. Same here. Absolutely was like there, especially when he started to run back. like Fran Tarkinson, I thought they were done. It looked over. It was just, yeah, it was over.

It's one thing to even up into the end zone like that, and we've seen quarterbacks do that all the time, but you're running backwards. Your momentum's all going away from where you're throwing it. He threw the ball 40 yards on his back foot. Fourth and four, the man in motion. Williams, sprinted for space. In all times of trouble, put it up for next to the end of step.

Boom. I literally start calling the Chicago Bears a cardiac kids this year because they did that game after game after game where they just, they're not out of it, man. Just not. Now, when he released that football, I thought, as it's traveling

through the air, oh, there'll be eight, ten guys reaching for this pig, right? There'll be eight or ten guys reaching up in the air for this pig. What the hell were those two defensive backs for the Rams doing just watching that Chicago bear stand in the corner of the end zone?

They must have thought like the rest of us, well, this plays over. Yeah. Not make a, don't make a stupid defensive mistake. But one of them could have been standing next to him. Just like a little bit closer. Just a little bit closer. They never saw it happening, man.

They saw what most people saw like, oh, he's throwing it away. Right. No, he's not. It was some great dramatic stuff. So now coming up this weekend, you got the Rams and the sea ducks. You got the Broncos and the Patriots, the Broncos. What a mess. the Broncos are going to have to play some unknown quarterback.

That's so stupid. He's not unknown. Oh, for Christ's sake, he is too. He's been around. Jared Stidham, who's ever heard of? Yeah, that's not a real good. College to go-to. It's as unknown as you can get at this point in the season.

Yeah. At any rate, what a friggin' drag. So the Broncos quarterback, Big Nuts. Oh, Malley. What the hell? Bo Nix. broke his ankle in that game against Buffalo. He can't play anymore.

Broke his ankle. Not good news. Bow fractured a bone in his right ankle, which would put him out for the rest of the season. It was the second and the last play before he threw the pass to Mims. What a friggin drag for that dude. Philip Rivers time.

Bring him back. One more team this season. Boy, I can't remember the last time. I saw, you know, a hot shot type young quarterback get the rug pulled out from under him like this. Yeah. On the brink of the AFC title. Is he a rookie?

No, he's a second year. Second year. Yeah, he's the same year as J.J. McCarthy. Do we have to remind you? Breaks his ankle the game before, you know, right on the verge of the AFC title game. So now whoever Jared Stidham is, he'll be the starting quarterback against New England.

the title game. Stidham will try and join Frank Reich as the only quarterback to get his first start in the playoffs and win. Since 1950, I think six quarterbacks have started a postseason game after not starting a single game in the regular season. Only Frank Reich, which is one of the most miserable, gut-wrenching, disgusting memories I have of ever watching a sporting event when Frank Reich and those prick Buffalo Bills beat my Houston Oilers in that frig colossal disaster in 1992. Wow. You might need to sit down and talk to somebody about that.

Hey, Dana, if you can jump on the Buffalo Bills bandwagon for no reason, I can still be mad about a game that happened in 1992. about the team that you jumped on the bandwagon for. No. You know nothing about my history or my connection to the Houston Oilers. Is your family from Houston? Come from oil money? Dude.

I want oil money. I was a fan of the Houston Oilers naturally and organically. I didn't just go buy the jacket and the hat. Okay. I love that you're the sports police. They have so many different rules about how you can and cannot like a team or celebrate or not celebrate. You're just doing the same thing to me. And the Broncos also signed some dude named Ben Danucci to be the backup quarterback.

He was just working television a couple days ago. So that's a drag for Denver. I wonder if that Stidham kid is, I guess he's not a kid, he's 30, but if he's excited for the opportunity or he's like, oh, really? I'd be terrified. I'm kind of content just sitting on the bench here. That sounds terrible. Isn't he a form?

What's that? Yeah. Isn't he a former? a Patriot, too. Yep. Yeah. What did you say, Brad Reiter? I said it's going to be hard not to pull for him.

For Jerry. Did that? Yeah. If you don't have a rooting interest in the game already, it's going to be hard to not pull for a guy like that in them in this game. No, it won't. Okay. Okay.

All right. Is he really? You're just fine? I guess not. I guess not. I'm cool. I don't care either way who wins to you. Yeah.

I'll root for the guy if you, say-so, Brad Rider, sure. But you're going to cheer for Sam Darnold, aren't you? Oh. Well, yeah, in the other game. Yeah, he's in the national football conference. Yeah. Now, back to that.

Got to love Sam Donald, man. Yeah, yeah. That would be a lot of fun. If Sam Darnold won the whole thing, that'd be a lot of fun. Yeah. That mean the Vikings just kind of... Shut up, Shaver. You guys can kind of get in on that deal. On this show.

You can say it. A few times. Now that Chicago, L.A. game, cold, cold ball game. Yeah. The other night. Some Rams players were putting cayenne pepper in their socks to warm up their feet. I don't know if I'd heard that one before. Yeah, no.

The Rams traveled with over 2,000 pounds of cold weather gear, including wetsuits, thermal layers, and capes. They have plenty of hot chocolate and chicken broth down here on the sideline. Some of the Rams have put cayenne pepper in their socks. I'm told it brings heat, and it keeps the blood flowing. I remember Kyle Rudolph telling us about that cream or whatever they put on the gel, and he said it's like you're wearing a winter coat. That's what he said about that spludge, but I don't know if they put that on their feet.

I thought they just put it on their arms. That was arms, yep. We grew up, of course. I mean, look at what we got ahead of us this week as far as cold weather goes. We grew up putting Vaseline on our. our feet. I'm trying to think of some others. Were there any other things your mothers and fathers did for you when you were a little kid running around playing hockey and whatnot? I remember the Vaseline on the feet. I remember my parents taking newspaper bags and put them inside the boots as a

liner so snow couldn't get in. That is so smart. You're like little plastic bags. Yeah. Right. We put Vaseline. My parents would put Vaseline on our faces. We had a long walk to the bus stop. You must have loved that. You're so shiny. Yeah, when I got old enough to get him back, I was embarrassed. I mean, I'll tell you what, it works. That keeps the wind off your face. But yeah, we'd become like monsters. All greased out.

Yeah, we're Vaseline monsters. Hey, baby, you want to smooch? Oh, I didn't have that problem. Meaning there was no chance it was going to happen anyways. Josh walking onto the bus as a sixth grader looking like he just won an oral sex contest. By the way, I could place in the top five. I bet you could. I'd never heard of the cayenne peppers on the,

or cayenne, how did I say it? Yeah. Sprinkling cayenne pepper into your socks. You should try it this week. It's going to be a week to try it. I suppose, I hope to not spend enough time outdoors to where I. Yeah. Really?

One wire nut, Jesus, thank you. He said Cal Rudolph was talking about something called warm skin. Yeah. He said it's amazing and it's a Minnesota product. Did not know that. Of course it is. Yeah, we know cold. Right.

So the players for the Rams said it worked. It kept their feet a little warmer than usual for whatever. What was it, 8, 10 degrees there Saturday night? They say, just don't overdo it. It can end up burning your feet. Yeah, I would think so. It stains your socks red. They showed some of the socks.

Yeah, they look pretty bad. Steelers fan, Jesus said he's headed up north for some ice fishing this weekend. He's going to put in cayenne peppers in his boxers like a real man. That's how men do it. Do, be a man. Now, back to the sea ducks. They'll be without, we mentioned the Broncos will be without their starting quarterback. The sea ducks will be without their leading touchdown scorer for the remainder of the playoffs.

A running back named Zach Charbonnet. He blew his ACL, smooth out. That's too bad. Passed away. Rest in peace. Those deadly ACL injuries. Terrible way to go out. Do we need to cover all these frigging coaches going this way and that way?

What did we say so far? I don't remember. Well, I think John Harbaugh is the big one. He goes to the Giants. Go ahead. Stefanski resurfaces with Atlanta. Sure. But I think the rest of them are kind of, I mean,

Robert Saleh, it sounds like, it's going to end up in Tennessee. I think the rest of them are still kind of up in the air right now. Yeah, there's still six or seven jobs open. The Dolphins hired a coach. Oh, yeah, that's right. Halfley, the Packers. Never heard of them. Decoordinated. All right. Is that everything football-wise?

Of course, the Buffalo job is open now, too. Football? Anyone get any final thoughts on football? I think both these games will be fun to watch this weekend. It's just fun to have different teams other than Kansas City and stuff like that. But one of the different teams, different teams is New England again. Yeah, but that's okay.

It's a different New England. No Belichick, no Brady, I can live with it. It's not the same New England. Yeah, I can live with it. Their fans are obnoxious. And Drake May's fabulous. So the two MVP candidates are both playing this week. So it's great.

Did a Buffalo Bill's fan just call Patriots fans obnoxious? Yeah. Wow. You don't see any issue with that? Right. No, I don't. The irony. I'm picturing you. saying that on your way down to bust through a table.

Right. But that's obnoxious in a fun way. New England fans are pretentious douchebags. There's no question that maceholes have their own problems. Yes. I can't argue that. But, you know, Josh pictured you saying that while jumping through a table that's on fire. I pictured you saying that while pointing and laughing at a rubber dildo on the football field.

It's a different kind of obnoxious, you say. Yes, absolutely. Over the long holiday weekend, the pigs won an overtime game in Buffalo, and then last night playing against the Toronto Maple Leafs, our effing homeboy Marcus Felino made a point to go out there and give us something to talk about. Wow. Tired of us busting his balls for scoring meaningless goals.

The prick scored two legit goals. He did on the power play. Yeah, one on the power play, which is amazing. He scored two goals in a big three goals. in a big three-goal second period for the boys. And then, I'm convinced, just to be a dick, he wrapped up his night with a friggin' empty net goal to make it official his first NHL hat trick in the folks won.

For the hat trick. First career hat trick for Marcus Felino here in Toronto, and his team is back up by three. I understand his folks were in the crowd. Josh said that I didn't see him. any video of last night's game. But Josh said when he scored that empty net goal to make it official, his first NHL

hat trick, Josh said he had kind of a smirk on his face, and you assume maybe he was thinking about what we would say to him. I was curious if it was just he was excited that he got the hat trick or a combination of that and thinking, oh no, I know what's coming to me next time I'm on the radio. Which we're going to

try and get him on. It's an off week. Usually he'd be on next week, but we're going to try and get him on this week. Maybe it's one of those things where we kind of ignore the fact he got the third goal. Kind of like when the guy hits the home run and the dugout just disappears on him or doesn't clap. Yeah, nobody comes out to celebrate. We congratulate him on the two goals he got.

Yeah, the two goals he got. Two goal game, Marcus, good for you, man. That is terrific. Goes out and gets a damn hat trick with an empty net goal. Oh, can I read that text again from earlier, Josh? Oh yeah, that was good. A listener texted in to say a hat trick with an empty net goal at the end. That's like saying you had sex with Pamela Anderson

because you masturbated while staring at her poster. It's even good the second time. I don't see any difference. The Maple Leafs had won seven in a row at home before last night. So Falino and his high-scoring fourth-liners are playing in Quebec tonight against the Montreal Canadians. But that is funny. Nice work, Marcus.

And like Josh said, we'll try to drag them on the air tomorrow and see what kind of smart-ass comments he's got for us. A lot of injuries on the pigs' roster. Am I correct that every one of these schmucks is on the injured reserve? Boldie, Eck, Brodine, Bogosian, all of them? Yeah, at least while we were gone. I didn't see last night's game to see if any of those boys were on the ice. So sorry.

but if anyone can look that up for me. Boldie, and I already knew about Eck, Brodine, and Bogosie. They're playing some guys that, I mean, I look at the roster that played last night, and there's some names I don't even recognize. Must have been called up from Iowa to be able to jump on here. But good for them to be able to battle through those things

to get that win last night. That's a big win. See if he can find that for me, whoever's got a computer in front of them. See if Boldie, Brodine, Eck, or Bogosian played any hockey last night? No, neither one of them did. None of them did. I'm looking at it right now.

And part of this might be something we talked about last week. I mean, we've got what another 10 to 14 days before the Olympic break, and I think they're probably just trying to get some of these guys a little bit of extra rest because they realize that they're going to have a long break coming up too.

Boy, that does help teams at this point of the year. If you've got some guys banged up that are not playing in the Olympics to let them rest over two weeks and get healthy. Hey, C. William Miles, am I right? Is this weekend Hockey Day in Minnesota? I'm going to, can I phone a friend? Make a telephone call. Come my buddy, Matt, he would know. Oh, people are saying that, uh,

Felino got the Gordy Howe hat trick in Buffalo. I didn't see the Buffalo game. So congratulate. We'll ask Marcus about this tomorrow or next week. Sorry, I missed that one too. I think I'm right. Is that right? Is it hockey day in Minnesota this weekend?

I haven't even heard anything about it. They're playing in Hastings? Yeah, down on Treasure Island. Oh, yeah? It already got going, right? I don't know. The ghost from the 17th through the 24th. What the hell is the day to day?

20th. What? So what's going on now? What's going on now? Oh. It's happening, man. So it's like a hockey week? Yeah.

Oh, I had no idea. Yeah, okay. Well, there you go. Oh, and speaking of, so this Saturday, it used to be just one day. That's a lot to keep track of. Okay, hockey week. This Saturday, the pigs host of Florida Panthers. And Mark Andre Fleury, Alex Gologoski, and Eric Stahl are the latest old timers who were signed up to attend.

their latest 25th anniversary party. You know how they're doing that all year long, right? Yeah. Five, six of these to celebrate their 20th anniversary. I think the boys are going to get out on the ice and give a wave and maybe sign some autographs before the game and whatnot. Flurry Goligowski Stahlski. All going to be hanging out.

So that's right. They put a nice rink there at the casino. And, well, I wonder if it, well, Jesus, it's going to be. be brutally cold on Saturday. Yeah. That sucks. Close outside? Yeah, that's how they do the outside game.

Right? I know. You need a little cayenne pepper in your shorts. Warm skin. My Lord. I had, that just dawned on me. It's going to be like kill you dead cold Friday. High of negative five.

I wonder, I wonder, though, will they still play? because if it's under the high school league rules, there's got to be a cutoff weather temperature where you don't participate outside. No, this hockey, man. You got to play. Well, I don't know, though. You on ice.

Do you have to? You're on ice. I don't know. That's a good question. I can tell you this much. I mean, they'll cancel cross-country ski events and things like that if the weather, if the temperature is too cold. Are people that telling me that this hockey game Saturday is not at the casino

I don't know. I don't know. It's probably downtown Hastings. We'll get around to it. I thought we had till Saturday to prepare for this. I'm told that it's already started. It's going on. According to the schedule I'm looking at,

there's a varsity boys game there tonight, and there's been varsity girls and boys games there the last couple of days. They stretch it out. Wherever they host the game Saturday, which is the big day, good question do you really make these kids go skate around when it's 35 below zero do you make parents and cheerleaders

and why me come on does anyone remember 10 years ago or so when they had it up on Lake Pekagama in Grand Rapids remember like it was yesterday nothing I don't I don't know

it was absolutely brutal wind blowing sideways 45 50 miles per hour. I know for sure a buddy of mine who's got a cabin on that lake rode his snowmobile to the rink and watched about five minutes of hockey but he couldn't stand it.

And this is not an S-A-W-F-T some bitch. This is a dude who Josh knows him, house. Oh, that's a tough guy. He bought me a Shirley Temple once. Yes, he did. Sounds like a tough guy. And it was like out of a movie where a bartender came up to me he's like, hey, the gentleman across the bar

or did you a Shirley Temple? And I turned around and there's house. That's romantic. I love that guy. I mean, and he said, he said there was no reason to make those kids play in that. It was, you know, the rink was right off the lake. It was just

terrible. Yeah, who is it for at that point? Everybody's miserable. Yeah. So I don't know. Now that we're talking about it, good question, Randy. And we'll get to the bottom of this hockey day thing by the end of the week for sure. Where it is and whether

or not they play the games. The Timberwell Wolves lost a couple tight ball games over the weekend. Friday night at Houston was interesting when you consider the two teams collectively missed 29 free throw attempts in that ball game. That's insane. Saturday night the Wolves played at San Antonio, made a terrific comeback, lost by three points. Anthony Edwards scored a career high 55 in that one. I'd be A1 from day one.

They play tonight in Salt Lake City. I think the Jazz are coming off some huge win. I forget who they beat, but they, oh, the Knicks, I think, where the Knicks got booed off the court. Was that yesterday? Was it yesterday? I'm going to go along with it. There was a game where the Knicks just basically got pummeled.

I know they played yesterday. The Knickerbockers played yesterday. I don't know. They played Utah. Yeah. Jazz played the Spurs last night and lost. Okay. Yeah.

There you go. Okay. Different team. Dallas. Dallas. is who the next got blown out by. That's right. Okay, gotcha. Oh, Jimmy Butler tore his ACL. He's all done.

What's up, Twin Cities? This is Jimmy Butler. You're listening to the half-ass morning show on 93-A. You've got more time now to come on the air with us. Yes, he does. Give him a call, Brad. Yeah, Golden State's cooked. That does not help them. Although, the good thing is it happened before the trade deadline, so they might be able to figure some things out. But Jimmy bottles.

Back to Anthony Edwards. Didn't make it as a starter in the NBA All-Star game, but he'll get selected as a reserve for the game. He'll get it done. What else is going on here? Josh, did you like the video of the Kansas High School Girls Basketball game where the referee stole the show? Oh, my God, that was so bad and hilarious at the same time.

up on our website. You have to keep going for me. You'd know already. See Willie Miles has got to get a look at this Randy Shaper, Bradrider. At a Kansas high school girls basketball game, one referee became the star of the show with the kind of

overly dramatic flop. Yep, I saw that. The kind of flop you'd usually only expect to see at a soccer game. Oh, it was terrible. This referee issues a girl, a technical foul, and a ejects her for unsportsmanlike conduct. The ref follows her towards the bench to ensure she leaves the floor.

The girl turns, her shoulder lightly brushes him. I mean, barely. Barely. In a sad display, this ref flailed backwards, crashing flat onto the floor like he'd been hit by a milk truck or something. He lays there motionless, everyone's staring at him and wondering, what in God's name this moron is doing, this was world-class comedy.

Yeah, if I remember right, like nobody even came over to help him, it was so obvious. He's straight butterfly. He was laid there, like arms out, legs open, butterfly. I was going to say he's pretty good at falling. I mean, it was obvious what he was doing. Dude, this is an amazing video. This is so embarrassing.

Help. What an absolute. He's not a little guy. No. No, what? He made himself out to be the most unstable referee in the business. This was so pathetic. Yeah.

That was like LeBron James good. Yeah. LeBron knows how to send himself across. He's heard himself just fake falling. Unreal. And 93x.com, let us know when you get it there. Yeah, it'll be up in about a second or two. I don't know what this guy was, what in the living hell was he thinking?

I hope he regretted it on the way down. Well, the thing is, it looks like it was just a bad call on his part prior. And he wanted to try to cover it up. And he needed to, you know, she was like saying, no, I mean, that wasn't a, and he followed her. It sounds like he, I'm skimming a story here. It sounds like he's almost doubling down on this. Have you seen this? It says that he's planning to visit a neurologist this week because he has a condition.

He did that himself. So he hit his own head. He's doubling down on this. Are you frigging kidding me? I hate this guy. No, I'm not. No. I'm trying to get paid.

He said he has a medical condition and he is planning to visit his neurologist on Tuesday. Stop it. Loser. It's called, you have what's called ignit, sir. You're ignorant. A bad actor. Trying to frame a 16, 17-year-old girl, trying to make folks believe that she He's violently assaulted you?

Who thinks like that? And there's even a... Go ahead, Tarry. And then I would say the next sentence after he says that is Freeman continued to officiate the game after that, and he worked a boys varsity game immediately after. Oh, yeah, he did. Because he's not a quitter.

The interviewer's like, yeah, this is BS. He kept a soldier through. I should have went to the hospital, but I was contractually obligated to do these games. Yeah, he's got hard. I soldiered up. He did continue officiated. the rest of the day. My second ball kicked in.

After this horrific assault that he suffered. Horrific. All right. Right as we're about to crack the lid on those winter Olympics, we've got ourselves a ski jumping scandal. Oh, no. And it is a doozy, see Willie Miles. It has to do, this is very confusing.

I'm going to do my best for you. It has to do with dude ski jumpers. reportedly manipulating the size of their peckers in order to gain an aerodynamic edge over their competitors. Really honestly, you've got to pay attention to follow this. The rumor is, the word is, ski jumpers are artificially enlarging their dongs. Before their official measurements, they need to be met. measured for their ski suit, right?

That rubber suit that they wear. So I don't fully understand this. They're injecting their penises with some kind of acid? Is that right, Josh? Did I read that right? Yeah, that's what the article said. And so it swells, obviously. And then they can get a larger suit, which apparently helps them in, you know, aerodynamically somehow.

Right. You're more flap. Yes. More fabric in the suit. The theory is allows you to hang in the air a little longer as you're falling from the sky as part of the ski jump. So they enlarge their rods before they're measured. They'll give them a bigger suit. The rod dummies down to regular size.

And they've got all this extra material in their crotch that will, like a flying squirrel. We'll allow them to hover in the air. and every little meter counts meter, right, when they're doing that ski jumping. This is the story. This is the scandal. Wow. I mean, if you're going to have your penis measured,

you do want to extend something. That's going to be on record. That's good point. Yeah. I had to look just to double check that this wasn't a fake story, but there was plenty of news organizations that reported on it. If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. But I would think, and here I thought it was.

going to be the old tuck. They were just going to pull it back and tape it down so you can get more wind shear. Right. So your Johnson doesn't get in the way of the wind. It just slide right through of. But hey, I get that concept. I don't know who came up with it, but whoever did, it's like, just the guy that came up with is just holding your dong in his hand so he could just

put a needle in it. He's very convincing whoever this person is. I don't know if I could be talked into that. No, no. Here's what I'm going to do. You shoot? Well, you get about eight and nine more meters, buddy, if I'm telling you.

She's going to take this needle. It's only about four or five inches. I'm going to shoot a little serum up in there. Yeah, I wonder if there's a mathematical equation here, like one inch per meter or something. Right. They can tell how big or how much bigger it's got to get. get down there. There's no metal worth stabbing yourself in the Johnson.

Right. And he's telling the other guy, well, the last guy took, you know, he took a whole tube, so you might want to tube up. Tube up. No specific athletes have been formally accused or charged in connection with these allegations. But I can tell you this. Norwegian ski jumper Halvore Egnor-Grenner-Rood. He's one of the best in the business. and he's uncircumcised. He said he was stunned by these claims, and he calls the whole smear completely absurd. He's never heard of anything like this.

He says the notion of injecting substances into the penis to gain an advantage sounds extreme and is not something he believes is happening in the sport. I got a buddy who ski jumps. I have to ask him about it. And I'm a natural 12-inch. Hey, do you put needles in your penis? Well, he actually qualified for the Olympics forever ago.

Is this that guy we got naked with in that island? No, no, no, totally different guy. There was one guy we got naked with. Yeah, no, this guy I've never been naked with. And he still runs the ski jump out in Bloomington. He's still very much involved in it. But apparently, like, he's kind of a risk taker, as you can imagine, somebody who ski jumps might be. And he rolled the vehicle they were driving a couple hundred times, and he injured himself enough.

He missed out on the Olympics. Oh, that sucks. I'm driving too fast. Oh, the dude that we were, well, I got naked with him. Maybe you didn't get naked with. Yeah, I never get naked ever. That's true. The dude that I got naked with when we were on some tropical island as part of a terrible radio promotion,

he was an Olympic medal winner, but maybe he wasn't a ski jumper. Maybe he was a skier. I thought he was a luge or a... Oh, no, you're right. He was a luge guy. That's right. That's what he was. Years ago, Josh and I went on a terrible radio trip,

and we drank and partied with a dude who was a. a metal-winning lugeeer. That's right. And since it was Jamaica, we all got naked. Sounds awesome. Yeah, me and some other people got him. I never went to the nude side. He was a really cool guy.

Oh, yeah, he was awesome. He was fun to hang out with. I'd say his name out loud, and people would know him. They would. Yeah. But maybe he doesn't want to talk about the naked thing. You know what I mean? You don't do it if you can't talk about it.

People would know him. Yeah, believe it or not, I was a pretty. prudside guy. Nick was the nude side. What? I know. Isn't that so shocking, Dana? There were some crossover, but only one way. Nick knows, I mean, the nude side didn't mind coming to the prud side, so to speak. But if you were on the prude side and went over to the nude side, you were in some big trouble if you're clothed.

You can't be clothed on the nude side. That's where Nick had his infamous greeting with another gentleman. No, Roger Rod. Oh, yeah. It was a head-on collision. Oh, no. There was one survivor. I made it out to tell the tale.

Do you guys stay in touch? So to speak. Never saw the guy again. Never saw him again. I think of that's one of those at that point. You just... It's awkward. Yep.

How many sexual experiences have you had where you never saw the other person again? Jesus. That's a high number. Damn near most of them. This was one of the most forgiving men on planet Earth. I'm just advice to the young. Try to keep your balance at the gang bank. Wasn't the rule of thumb not to make eye contact during the Devil's Three Way?

And you made Rod contact during Devil's Three Way. Head-on collision. This was not a three-way, Dana. This was like a 33-way. Where'd you come from? Come here? Come on in. The water's warm.

I was at the bottom of the pile. I just remember saying, sorry, br- all right. We could wrap it up with some baseball. I mean, I don't know if you care. I always want to talk about baseball. I found this really interesting, though. I don't know.

The twins signed some catcher, and the rumor is maybe they're going to trade what's his nuts, Ryan Jeffers. But I thought this was interesting. Former Twins relief pitcher Ryan Presley. officially announced his retirement, 13 years in the big leagues. He had a nice run. He's already got a new job. He's going to work for the twins.

Working for the twins. They don't mention in the title, the story, they don't mention in the story exactly what his title will be, but he's not the only former twin. The twins also hired Michael A. Taylor, who played outfield here for one year. For now, it's not exactly clear what these two dudes will be doing. Yeah, I don't think they'll be ambassadors of the team.

I don't think they're in the same category as Herback or Aleva or guys like that. So they must be working, maybe they're working the minor league system somewhere for the twins. They might be roving instructors, rolling minor league instructors. A lot of teams have that where they send guys around to the different minor league teams to work with the young kids. I really like both those guys, Ryan Presley and Michael, by God, A. Taylor. I don't know, maybe it just gives me more hope to hear recognizable names. I agree. I agree.

The closer we get to the start of spring training and the fact that Joe Ryan and these guys are on the roster is a good thing. Mm-hmm. There you friggin go. Did I forget anything? I don't think so. God, there's lots to cover. Lots to cover. What a miserable time of year you don't get to catch your breath.

I suppose now the college football is over, we can leave that alone. Only three more NFL games left. Yeah. Right. Yeah, there's only three more of those left. All right, F it. I guess if he wanted one more thing to talk about, is this true? So, world-class prick Michael Jordan.

Sat down for an hour-long interview with NBC before the basketball season, and NBC handed him $40 million. in trade. It's a pretty good scam. Are you serious? I think there was a promise that he was going to do more than that, and I don't think that's materialized. No, Tariko said he's not going to do any more interviews.

They just keep airing footage from that one interview they had before the season. $40 million. The guy could use the money. That's pretty good. Sat down and talked to Mike Tariko for a couple hours, and like you said, they've just been editing this one interview to piece. and using it every time NBC covers a basketball game. 40 million.

Listen to this. Mike Tarrico said, was it what everyone wanted? Probably not. Was it better than not hearing from Michael Jordan? You're damn right it was. Oh, give me a break. Mike Tariko didn't sign the check.

I like Mike Tariko and everything, but give me a break. You'll probably see some of that surface during the Summer Olympics in two years. Yeah, probably. Probably. He left that interview and went straight to save NASCAR. NBC goes to Jordan. They say, hey, can we do this with you?

And he's like, hmm, the check cleared. No, I don't think so. Tell you what, Brad Ryder and Randy Shaver, going to be a cold friggin week. Yeah, stay inside. By Friday and Saturday, like we said, going to be just brutal. So you boys,

Stay under the covers. Randy, we'll talk to you tomorrow. And Brad, I don't know, some other time. Tomorrow as well. Oh, that's right. Today's Tuesday. I forgot we had to. We'll talk to you later.

Sounds good. We'll be back with more C. Willie Miles here in a few minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too.

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You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Calli-L-L-E-L-E-L-E-Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-K-E-L-L-K-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-V. Vince-C-C-E-E-Rnees is redefininginging News Talk with The Vince Show. It is a reflection of your response to this program that we get to take this thing to the next level. gigantic shows. This is going to be so much fun. It's unbelievable. In-depth interviews, live caller interactions, and a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. I've got updates. I've got big stories. We'll sort through the truth of what's really going on. So buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93X half-ass morning show.

Dudes, welcome back to the 93X half-ass morning show. Our wonderful special friend, C. Willey Miles is in the room as well, hating the cold weather. Yep. Dreading what's to come later this week. Oh, my God. Thanks for making it in, C. Willie Miles. Absolutely, man. Oh, boy, we said something or another earlier about ice fishing, and our text machine went sideways.

Absolutely sideways. Dana's never been in an ice fishing shack. See, Willie Miles? Once. Once, and I did a show about it, and I've been touring with it ever since. Oh, you got to start a lot. about it. Oh, my God. It was my freshman year. It was, you know, the guys that was responsible for me took me on ice fishing, but you don't take a black kid from Alabama and don't even know what

ice fishing is out ice fishing and decide to get them into a little house that I thought was a shack, you know. So you were afraid? And tell me, I'm in the middle of Lake Malax. They took you to Malax, drug you out to the dead center of that massive body of water, put you in a fishing shack. Put it in a fishing shack where I saw a hole in a fire and I'm thinking, wait a minute, these things do not go together. And I'm like, why you have water coming out up of your floor? He said, dude, this is, I said, ground, actually. I said, why you have water coming up to the ground?

He said, we're not underground. What do you mean we're not on the ground? He said, we're in a frozen lake. And the fire, of course, made you think the whole thing. Did you rethink how you got out there? Did you guys drive off there? Drove a truck. And I'm looking out there, and I saw all these houses, you know, and I'm like, man, these are the poorest people I've ever seen in my life.

I mean, I grew up in the project, but man, we had a back door. These tiny little houses. I'm like, these are them shag houses. Little smoke coming out. Yeah. They've all got really nice, expensive. trucks, but their houses are terrible. Exactly. I'm thinking to myself, I've never seen

a vehicle bigger than the actual house that people lived in, you know? You really thought at first you were in the middle of a field or something? No, I did not. 100%. That is unbelievable. I did a whole show, so ice fishing. People request it every time I do a show and I can't. It's like 20 minutes long.

You know, because I have to tell the whole story and how it happened. And I never, that's the only time I've ever been on a frozen lake. And I've never walked out again. Well, except Detroit Lakes, I did a show, and they had the hockey pond thing going up on Detroit Lakes. Pond hockey tournament. Right. And they asked me to come out and do the customary celebrity.

Ceremonial puck drop thing. And I said, I'll go three feet right here, and that's it. And somebody needs to stand right next to me that she said, you're only in the foot of water. I say, I don't care. I don't want to go through. I know some people who are awfully squirly on ice. Yeah. They just, and they grew up here, but still, they just, they never feel completely safe.

When you hear it cracking underneath you. Oh, gosh. I cried. I literally passed out. They had to take me home. I say, dude, y'all, no. You know, it's going to be so brutally cold here in a few days. But those are the days where I actually feel confident out there.

You know what I mean? Sure. It's when I've fished before when it's. It's 55 degrees and you wake up the next day and the house has sunk three inches. A little too warm. You get a little uneasy. See, I don't get that, man. So you do.

You ice fished then. I used to. Oh. I love it. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. My husband won't let me take his truck, though, because he says he doesn't trust it on any amount of ice.

He doesn't trust you? Doesn't trust driving. Nice. No, just anybody, like driving their big trucks on ice. It has to be like 30. 30 inches of ice for him to feel comfortable. Oh, okay. So he's a little squirly.

Yeah. Okay. I get it. Yeah, I can understand. You're a risk taker. Somebody texting earlier said they just lost a side-by-side over the weekend. I would have been cold enough that you don't have to worry about that, but they said they had 44 miles on it. Oh.

Went right through. You never friggin' know. So wait a minute. Back to your husband. So even when there's two feet of ice, he will park his truck and take a four-wheeler out? Or how does he get out onto the ice? Yeah, either a four-wheeler or walk. He'll walk?

Yeah. Will he ride with somebody else? I guess that opportunity hasn't came up yet. I imagine he would. I just think he doesn't want to take his truck out, which I don't blame him. I think it's more of that. He doesn't want to. Every year, a vehicle goes through.

Every year. There's always one. There's always got to be the first guy. The ass end of my pickup went through Malax a number of years ago. Oh, my God. That was something. Can I tell you a quick story? I was in Ashland, Wisconsin.

and I was doing a show, Rylent, Rylander, Wisconsin. That's where I was at. And I'm staying downtown, and I'm doing a show at the college. And these people were telling me, like, I said, you know, what's the easiest way to get to the college, you know, doing a show? And the lady told me to drive across the lake. I know, like, what is the second easiest way? Because I'm not, she goes, oh, it's plowed.

Right. I said, the city plows the lake? She was, oh, no, Bob does. I was like, well, Bob worked for the city. She goes, no, he just, I'm like, no. Who's Bob? I'll leave 10 minutes earlier, ma'am. I'll just take the road.

Yeah, I remember going up to a resort on Malax many, many years ago. We rented houses from this dude. He's gone now. This guy checked out, but we rented houses from this guy, and it was really warm. You know, it was January or February, but it warmed up into the 50s. And it made all of us a little nervous. We made a couple of telephone calls ahead of time to the resort. You know, what's the ice like?

Oh, no, it's still good. It's still good. You'll be good. And, you know, maybe they would have pushed us out there no matter what because we all had money in our pockets. All right. But we trusted them. So we get to the resort and we're looking for the owner, Donnie. Donnie is the guy we always dealt with every year we went up there.

So we walk in. And again, it's warm as hell out for January, February especially. And we say, hey, we're Donnie here? No, no, Donnie's not going to make it in. Oh, what's going on? Oh, he went through the ice today in his pickup. Oh, no. And for a second there, we all thought, are we really still going to go out there?

If the guy who runs this joint who's out there every day, he went through on his, are we really going to, and we did. Uh-uh. But that was the weekend where we woke up the next morning. We had sunk about three inches. There's a huge pond surrounding our house. Oh, my God. I understand the squirly feelings. I do.

But underwhelmingly optimistic, Jesus said his uncle grew up in Texas. The first time his aunt asked to visit in the winter, they drove past a small lake, and he asked, why are there so many port-a-johns in that field? I could see being confused. We, earlier, what the hell are we doing? Oh, we told the story in the stupid news about a fist fight that happened on the ice over one guy fishing too close to the other. So I asked our listeners to text. our Luther, Bloomington, Kia text line. I asked him, what are some of your great ice fishing

adventures? You ever get in a fist fight? You ever have anyone break into your house? You ever go through the ice? You ever have anyone burn your house down? Because in high school, there was a group of kids who didn't like me and my friends, and they burned our permanent house down to the screws out on the ice. Any ice fishing adventures, and the text machine went crazy. Let me roll through as many of these as I can. Appreciate you, Texx. in everybody. Well, speaking first off about territorial fishermen. You know, some folks, they don't want you coming anywhere near them.

Don't you be trolling anywhere near me if we're talking about open water fishing. Here's a guy who says, not once but twice, engineering Jesus. I've had people knock on the door of my fish house and tell me that I'm on their spot. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Come on. and they wanted me to move. Hey, you're on my spot.

No, screw you. What is wrong with you? Why would you ever have the balls to knock on somebody's door and say, well, you know, my GPS coordinates, this is where I was three days ago. This is my spot. You got to be nuts. I don't care. You don't know the spot underwater. $10,000 sled, Josh.

He, uh, listener of ours, drove it out to, you know, visit his buddies who were fishing. and he went through into 12 feet of water. We've seen that. He said he did recover it and without making the local news. Oh, that's good. That's great. Yeah, we saw that. Two brand new sleds go right through.

And you know where they parked it? See, Willie, next to a sign that says, do not park your sleds here. That's ice wasn't safe. My God. I mean, some of you is, the way you behave, I mean, we ask for ice fishing adventures. Here's a listener who says, back in high school. school. This must have been a long time ago. We used to take our pickups

and crash through wooden houses that were on the lake. Oh, my God. There's somebody inside. In hindsight, he says, Dana, maybe we should have considered that someone might be inside. Are you going to kill somebody?

Boy, they got lucky. Oh, my God. Maybe they didn't. Yeah. Guy was reeling in a northern about 25 years ago in the fish house got his ass a little too close to the sunflower heater and started his jeans on fire.

Dangerous. Those sunflower heaters are dangerous. It was the first time, Josh, he says, he ever saw someone stop, drop, and roll for real. Funniest moment I've ever seen while fishing. That's follow-up paperwork, Jesus. Wow. I've never had anything, like, really memorable happen while ice fishing. Well, like I said, I had the ass end of the pickup go through the ice, and me and Big Al dove out of the driver and passenger seat.

you know, like it was a movie. Yeah. Because when we heard that crack and then felt that... Oh, dude, I'd be so scary. We felt our ass sink about three inches. We both dove out the pickup very dramatically, and that's when we realized it was just the ass end that had broken through and through luck and some help from some bystanders.

We were able to get my brand new... I think I'd only had the pickup for a month. Got it out of there. That's pretty scary. I mean, for God's sake, here are some guys who, again, they'd all get in their pickup and they would jump the ice heaves. Oh, that's fun to do on a snowmobile.

I can't imagine doing that in a pickup truck. That would be a blast. One time one of my buddies, this guy says, forgot his mom had made a crock pot of chili in the back of this. It looked like a murder scene in the back seat. I can only imagine. She's everywhere. Five-on-five fist fight on the ice, Josh,

because one dude had bent over some other dude's girlfriend. Oh. Whoa. Five on five fist fight. Sure. That'll start a fight. No matter where you are. Over a girl? Yeah.

I'd never heard of such a thing. One of our listeners says, yeah, just, oh, we're talking ice fishing adventures. Just this past Saturday, I was coming off the lake, and my wheeler caught on fire. So many fire-related stories with ice fishing. I had no idea. Brewers in high life, Jesus. He won an ice fishing contest one time. Cool.

Very cool. Do you want to know how he won this on Bidget? Some other unlucky prick had gone through the ice, so everyone gathered around the hole in the ice to help save this man's life. I pulled a fish up off of a tip-up, and I was the only one that caught a fish, so I won the fishing gun. That's what he came there for. I didn't come here to save lives.

I came here to win. Everyone else is another one of these tip-ups. This is great. I'm not that kind of person. He's driving around the ice on a four-wheeler, sees a tip up, kind of buried under the snow, right? Someone had probably forgotten it there. Yeah.

He goes and dusts off the snow and the ice, and the flag pops up. There's a 27-inch walleye on the other end of. No way. Just the trophy. Right. That's incredible. Awesome.

Oh, God. Okay, so some of you sent in open water fishing. Cubby, a lot of us would have trouble getting over this. But you tell me, because I need your take on this. Do you ever get over this? One of our listeners texted in to say I was at a boat launch. And I failed so miserably at backing the boat into the water. Some random guy came in, walked up, kicked me out of the driver's seat of my own pickup and backed it in for me.

Oh, you're his bitch now. I could see having to do the same thing. I've never pulled the boat, have you? Yeah. I've never have. I mean, the only thing I've ever pulled was a landscape trailer. Never really anything significant. Backing that sum bitch up takes practice.

It does. Yeah. But Ashley's right. Our listener now belongs to that man. Yeah, he owns you. You call him Daddy. Every time you see him. One of our listeners rolled his truck on Malax doing 70 miles per hour.

What are you doing? Why are you going 70? What are you doing, bud? It's a bit icy out here for some reason. Oh, my God. Not going to lie, you deserved it. He deserved it. These are so great.

I'm so glad we started talking about ice fishing. He has an excuse for rolling his pickup, for driving 70 on the ice. I don't know if this is what he wants to use as his exact excuse for rolling it over. But he said he was jamming out to testament. Oh, yeah. There's certain bands where you get a free pass. No. That's one of them.

We used to think that nobody was looking, right, when you're out on the ice. And we used to do that nonsense, just faster than a son of a bitch across to, you know, one time in Wisetta on Wiseta Bay, you know, we're going about probably 70 across the ice and then launched ourselves up onto land, right? The ice heave and whatnot right on the shore. We launched, got air, landed at Wiseta Beach. there was a cop park there watching us the whole time. For whatever reason, when you get out,

even a wildly populated area like Wizzetta Bay on Lake Minnetonka, you get the idea that nobody's looking. You think it's a lawless, what do they call it on the bangboat, Josh? Oh, international waters. There's a few more of these. We've got to take a break. But this is just outstanding. If you think he can squeeze it in again,

what's the greatest adventure you ever had ice fishing? We're at 651-9-89-933-93. We'll get back to it here in a few minutes. FAS morning show, 93-X. Oh, man, what do you think, Covey? You want to go wet a line this afternoon? That does sound fun. It's kind of getting me in the mood. We've been talking ice fishing stories this morning.

Tell us your greatest disaster. You know, did you get in a fist fight? Did you hurt yourself? Did you put your truck through the ice, this, that? See Willie Miles sitting in? See Willie. tried it once, right? Just once. I didn't even try it, man.

I was forced. So you sat out there, but you didn't fish? No. You immediately... I curled up around the heater like a child. I wonder if you'd like going to one of the ice castles. No, everybody was telling me

like how beautiful their ice house. Oh, you love my eye. I have a big 60-footer. I'm like, man, it doesn't matter. You're in the middle of the frozen lake. People always try to sell the ice houses by saying they're like, well, we got a TV, we got internet, we got a stove, like, I have all that at my house already. Exactly. It's a lot fun.

It's a lot fun. It's set at the Bahamas. That's where I like to be in that type of weather, man. I'm not going to sit outside and watch a hook or flag pop up on a pole, man. Sure. I mean, we got piles of text messages. A lot of us, of course, head out in ice fish and have some laughs. It doesn't always go the way we wanted to.

Someone confirmed what I always thought was an old wives tale or some sort of mythical legend that there's lake lizards out there. Lake lizards were prostitutes like at a truck stop. I heard about these lake lizards that people would show up. A prostitute-style person would show up at just a show. All right, I'm back in. I never even, I never came across something like that. A lake lizard?

I thought it was a joke, but somebody confirmed there are lake lizards and they ran into one once. Nowadays, you got the cellular telephone, you make one call. Get a pizza delivered? Lizard app. Lizard app. One of our listeners is currently working remotely from his fish house on Malax right now. Oh, cool. Wow.

Let me get through the rest of these. Hope he put working in quotes. I would love to be, I've been in an ice castle, but never on the ice. The only times I've ever went ice fishing was in like the porta-pottie looking one. Not even that nice. More like an outdoor. house. A little portable slash sauna though.

I mean, hotter than heck. Oh, we were notorious for we would heat up our fish house until it was unbearable. We would be shirtless. Some people didn't like it. Big Al and I would heat that pig up until it was just unbearable. Anyway,

listen to this text, Josh. It just says, $100,000 truck, 45 feet of water, $35 grand to pull it out. We were just talking about. That off air, the expense of having to retrieve your vehicle. I don't get it.

Have you seen this ice fishing ice thickness chart? It's cute. Somebody sent it to us via text. Four inches. You can walk on the ice. You can do some ice skating. Five to six inches. You can bring your snowmobile out there, ATV.

Eight to 12 cars and small trucks. 12 to 15 medium trucks. And it says here, 30 plus Tyrannosaurus Rex. I love it. Listen to these. guys. In high school, they should just grab some hooch, walk out onto the ice, and party in the empty fish houses. Oh, sure. That's smart. Because, of course, you know, when I was real young, we would lock the house. Permanent house out on the water. We would lock the house. But then it

became very hip to break into you. Once expensive fishing equipment became a thing, then Darylix would break into your house to steal your Vexilar and your fish finder and all that, right? But back in the day, when all we had in there was a couple of lines and a wood stove, we would lock it because there's nothing in there worth a pump. So once folks started leaving their houses unlocked, they'd empty all their expects of gear out of there and leave it unlocked, because the theory was, you know, if it's not locked, derelicts are going to think there's nothing in there worthwhile. Once folks started leaving their houses unlocked,

yeah, these guys would bring their beer and their booze out and a heater and go and sit in a stranger's empty fish house and party. Fun. One guy was lifting his portable fish house into the back of his pickup. He slipped on the ice, Josh, and the portable fish house hit him in the eye. Oh, sorry. The whole weight of the portable fish house landed on his. eyeball.

My God. And he said, I took a quick scan. Nobody was looking. That's the first thing you do when you have an embarrassing injuring. Oh, 100%. We were just talking about this. Was it last week? Someone texted in.

This is something we covered in Josh's news report last week where a guy on Buffalo Lake drove around the ice for nine hours to avoid a DWI arrest. Yeah. Right, John? Yeah. And the authorities just sat there and watched him drive around. Correct. Nine hours?

Wow. You do it. People were impressed with the gas mileage in his pickup truck. No kidding. Yeah. Good Lord. One time a gal used my fish house to take a deuce, but what we did, what she didn't know is we, it wasn't hooked up to anything, so her turd just slapped down onto the ice. Oh.

Oh. Smack. Here's a guy who got in a fight with his portable heater, and he slipped on the ice, and he smashed his face into that sunflower. Oh, geez, I bet that was bad. Oh, no. Lost a couple of teeth and he had a grill mark across his. Oh, Lord. One time the sheriff drove up on us on his snowmobile and we had to sink our bong.

Oh. Well, the closest to death I ever came on the ice, and it wasn't when me and Big Al went through the ice in my pickup. It was many years earlier. I'm going to say my brother and I were. 15 or something like that. Fishing with our dad. We had a permanent house out on Lake Minnetonka.

And the three of us decided, well, we're going to leave the house. We're going to go over to Larry's fish house. Now, maybe four days prior we were out on the ice, and Larry's fish house was 30 yards away. So we walk out of our house. My brother jumps into the driver's seat. My dad jumps into the passenger side of his pickup. I, thinking we were only going 30 yards to Larry's house,

and it was a nice day, I just sat on the tailgate of my dad's pickup. Yeah, like most people would. My narrow little skinny ass on my dad's narrow little tailgate of his old Ford pickup. What I didn't know is that Larry had moved his fish house to the opposite, opposite side of the lake. I'm talking like two miles. Oh, my God. my dad and brother thought I had jumped into the bed of the pickup.

I didn't. Like I said, I'm sitting on the tailgate. And suddenly, my brother is going 45 miles per hour. Oh, my God. On ice roads. Not a county road. We're on the ice. I was absolutely hanging on for my life,

screaming at the top of my lungs for them to slow down. or stop. They never looked in the rear view mirror. They figured I was just in the... If I would have let go and I considered it a few times. Yeah, I would have. I would have been killed. My head would have wrung off the ice. I at least would have been in a wheelchair

for the rest of my life. Just by my fingertips and my bony ass, I hung on all the way across. I don't know how I did it to this day. And when we got there, I was physically cooked and

furious with my brother and my dad. They blew it off like it was not. Oh, we thought you were in the bed of the pickup. Hey, Larry, how's it going? Biting? Are they biting today? That was it. That was the end of it. My God. Yeah, you deserved an apology at least.

Something. I can still feel it, Josh. The tips of my fingers buried in the underside of that tailgate hanging on for my very life. I bet your triceps were just. They were swollen. They were small.

We're yoked. Yeah, I'll bet. It looked like Schwarzenegger, at least tricep-wise. I have no idea. What dear God. See, Willie. Thanks, everyone, for your ice fishing text. It was a total riot.

Yeah, this is fun. Absolute riot. Not Dana, because you're here every day. See Willie Miles. Yes, sir. Thank you for coming in. Oh, it's my pleasure, man. Love it.

Survive this weekend, will you? Yeah, just stay inside. I'm going to go out that one day to be my wife's plus one and you won't see me outside again. Until you go someplace warm? Until I'm heading to the airport. Then you won't see me because you know I'm boozy. So I'll be in the backseat over a blacked-out limousine. You do what you got to do.

Before we go, though, best of luck to Chaos Coordinator, Sheez's his mom. Chaos Coordinator, Sheez's text in a bunch. We love hearing from her, and her mom's going to have some surgery this morning. So just wanted to say good luck for your surgery and get well real quick. What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too.

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