93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Herpe Island

Episode Date: March 20, 2026

Originally Aired March 20, 2026: Dagger tag. Prancercise. Everything you wanna know about crack-lorette.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-haffast morning show. Ninety-nine. On the first day of spring. You know, I think that actually is the first day of spring. The first day of spring.

Spring, of course. Huh? You know, spring. Rejuvenation, rebirth. Everything's blooming. All that crap. Spring break! Woo!

Ladies and gentlemen. I'm an animal. A weekend. It's about time. First day of spring, he says, huh? Well, if that doesn't put a little lead in your pencil, then I don't know how to help you's out. Right here, we're dealing with the Friday edition of the 93X-half-ass morning show. The first day is spring break.

Is this when high school and college kids are going off to get laid in Cancun and whatnot? I think, Dana, your wife is on spring break right now, right? Yeah, it all varies. But, yeah, my wife is on spring break right now. My son starts today. they had a grueling two-day school week this week. Those were the best. So he's off today.

Where's he going? Well, right now he's at a buddy's house. Is he too young to get on an airplane and go to Cancun to get laid? Yeah, there will not be any elaborate trip or anything like that. If you're looking for a head count this morning, it seems that our friend Ashley is like Doc Holiday. She wasn't quite as sick as she made out. Ashley sets here in studio. The truth is, after the way you looked a couple days.

days ago, we all thought you were as good as dead. I know. That was bad. I assumed it was going to be. I warned the guys yesterday because you and I talked and you had mentioned, shoot, you know, things aren't good. And I got an appointment tomorrow. They're going to tell me my future. And they figured it out. Yeah. I usually like drugs seem to take a little longer, but whatever they gave you, you're back

to normal. It looks like at least. How are you feeling? I feel very good. It's weird. I like, I don't even remember the last week of my life. It was just such a blur. Oh, yeah, since last Thursday, you had it. Was it Thursday when it started? Thursday to Thursday. You had a go of it. Yeah, I can't wait to get those bills in the mail. But, you know

what, it's worth it because I feel better. I can take care of my son without feeling like I'm dying, so that's all that I care about. Ashley made it. She's back in her regular chair.

Feels good. Did you guys let somebody sit here? No, never. No. Why do you say, why do you ask? Or Dana, did you sit there yesterday after the show? No, I said my normal chair. Why do you ask the question? It feels a little farty.

Yeah, smells weird over here. Yeah, there wasn't anything different. It was the normal lineup yesterday, minus you, of course. We wouldn't let somebody sit in your chair. Thank you, guys. Oh, you know, we'll chat with Randy Shaver later on today. Lots of jocks to sniff this time of year with that big old basketball tournament happening. Other than that, I couldn't possibly care less what happens.

Is this a big deal what you handed me earlier, Josh? Something about the Bachelorette television show has been canceled. Is this something? Huh? I've been into this. I haven't had much other things to do other things to do other than just like sit and scroll on my phone. So I have been into this. A big time television show has been canceled because one of the characters on the show

went nuts. Are you dialed into this yet, Ashley? Yeah. You know this story. Yes. I'm not good with all their names, because I think she has, like, the weirdest name, too. It's like three first names and one name. It's too much. Let me dump it on you. Taylor, oh, go ahead. The name of this person is

Taylor Frankie Paul. Yeah, say, Taylor. Three first names. Frankie Paul. Yeah, I mean, this is a big deal. It is. For ABC and Hulu, I yesterday I was watching the show we recorded over the weekend and it's got all this promos for it. It's a big show for them.

And now they're scrambling. Like, what do we do? I feel bad for folks that hopefully nobody loses any jobs over this or meeting like the people that work on the show. I don't know how it really works. Well, yeah, I mean, because the show's been in the can for months now, so all that money's been spent, you're not getting any of that back. Yeah. They say here that ABC stands to lose tens of millions of dollars up in this pay. Let me tell you what's going on here, but first, I'm not quite organized here.

I'll get there just a second. I grab some audio of the incident. Maybe I won't play it because there's like a baby crying in the background. It's domestic violence. It's pretty rough stuff. Josh grabbed some audio of the incident. Yeah, there was an incident. All right, let me tell you about this.

There's a television show out there called The Bachelorette. Did I say that right the first time? Did I call it The Bachelor on Accident? I apologize. I think you did call it The Bachelorette. My bad. Okay. The Bachelorette.

The new season of this television program is over before it started. ABC has yanked it after a video popped up summers of one of the stars of the show, the aforementioned Taylor Frankie Paul. There's a video of her attacking her ex-boyfriend. Domestic violence, like Covey said. The boyfriend, his name is Dakota Mortensen. The video shows this Taylor gal, viciously attacking her boyfriend. Throwing a couple chairs.

She's whipping chairs at him. What a cluster F. She's throwing, she throws several chairs at her boyfriend while a five-year-old kid is wandering and around the room. A kid that belongs to the both of them? It's her. I know it's her child. Yeah, hers for sure.

I don't know about the guy. Oh. There's a five-year-old kid in the room trying to dodge chairs. Yep. That's good for their mental health. Like the kids at an old ECW show. At one point, Dakota the boyfriend.

Oh, Dakota the boyfriend says that little kid in the room was hit by one of the chairs. apparently you don't see that happening in the video. Like I've said, so we're watching the show that we recorded in every commercial break. They're promoting this. Can you believe it?

The Bachelorette's coming back. Nothing bad could possibly happen. The return of the Bachelorette. Such a big deal. You better tune in. Our flagship show, we depend on you watching this for our station to stay afloat.

This is one of ABC's biggest moneymakers. I think the Bachelor and the Bachelorette are pretty big for them. Yeah. All right. Okay. Let me, I'm not done yet. There's more here. So, uh, the little kid. Oh, by the way, the kid's name is Indy, I-N-D-Y. Apparently, maybe mom's a big race fan, but,

um, the kid got hit by one of the chairs. Uh, this Taylor gal, Frankie Paul, she was arrested, ended up, uh, pleading guilty to a third degree felony charge, aggravated assault. that was reduced to a misdemeanor, or it will be eventually reduced to a misdemeanor if she successfully completed the terms of her probation. Probably got to go to the anger management meeting. She's probably, I don't know, maybe got to dry out, I don't know. Oh, Taylor's representatives, her agent and hangers on like that,

because she's a big television star, her representatives say that the video conveniently omits context and is a reprehensible attempt to distract from the boyfriend's behavior. Okay, you're following that? They're saying, this is totally out of context and you should have seen what he did. But they had to up and cancel this show. So I'm guessing ABC did a little studying on this before they would just gas the program. They must have done a little bit of...

It's an older video, right? Yeah, it's from 2023. Oh, really? Oh, that's a long time ago. Yeah, so it was... People are thinking that it was released now to sabotage her Bachelorette situation. It must be.

Like in politics, the October surprise. Yep, exactly. Yeah, they just timed it out, and they're leaving H, or excuse me, ABC, in the lurch here. So they're going to run reruns of other shows. And I'm sure they're thinking, We are so boned.

Oh, yeah. I think about that sometimes with owning a business, aside from just the fear of failure. But what if you run into an employee that just ruins everything for you? It can be one person that does something terrible and it's ruined the whole thing. I do find it interesting that, I mean, like, people were aware of this for years. Like, it was a known thing. It's just that there was no video footage. And now that the video footage is out, people are like, oh, my God.

God. I'm like, but you should have already been oh my Goding like three years ago. Well, maybe they didn't believe the story three years ago, but the video, you know, video don't lie or whatever. There's a slogan in there somewhere. So the video's quite old. I mean, three years old. I figured it was something that just happened before

they started. Okay, that's interesting. So an old video, older video. Again, the cancellation of this program could cost ABC tens of millions of dollars. Taylor. And then I imagine it's done forever, right?

I mean, this isn't something they can push back because sometimes like a tragedy happens and they'll like Apple TV just dealt with this. They have to push back a show. They're like with terrible timing. We can't release this. So I'd imagine they're never going to be able to run this. I can't imagine they would.

Well, you're saying that the Bachelorette will never come back? No, this particular season. So they can't like recoup the money down the road where they're like, all right, here's that season. I mean, maybe you can, but. I would think this probably could never. Okay, yeah, this particular flavor of The Bachelorette starring Taylor Frankie Paul, yeah, they'll never run that.

I wouldn't imagine. How long does it take them to record a season of that program, maybe a couple weeks? Six-seven. Huh? Six-seven. Six-seven? Just in general, six-seven? You don't remember the six-seven trend?

Yeah, about six-seven probably. A couple weeks? I don't know. Is it a month? I wonder if they can get it. done way faster than we folks who aren't in the industry would ever imagine, where you sit down and watch a season of a show and you think, wow, and they got it done in like a week and a half.

Six to nine weeks, it says. Six to nine. So that's a month and a half? Well, like game shows. Well, they do it all in a weekend, don't they? Yeah, they game shows they do like, what, four episodes a day? That must. Yeah, this girl is on the show, uh, the secret lives of.

Mormon wives, I think that's what it is. Well, the secret lives of Mormon wives. Yeah. I love the way you put it, though. The secret lives of Mormon wives. But in the show. You and I barely got an education, didn't we? Just barely.

I got a good education. I just didn't. I don't use it. Fair enough. But anyway. I don't think everybody's going to blame you for not knowing the name of that show. What was I saying? What was I saying?

The secret lives. The relationship in the show is one of the most toxic relationships I've ever seen in my life. Oh, wait a minute. Muscled Dilf Jesus said the same thing. Wait a minute. I just recently watched that show, the secret lives of Mormon wives. I just recently watched that show. Why? My wife watches this show. Yeah, I catch you in the background, too.

So, yeah, she knows what's going on. Maybe she was going to watch The Bachelorette. She probably was. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is suddenly dawning on me now. I can't say that I recognize who Taylor Frankie Paul is, but I recently watched. I bet it was an episode of and a half of the secret lives of Mormon wives.

Those gals, some of them, appear to be mentally ill. You know what I noticed in the episode and a half that I watched, Ashley? They all look alike. Yeah, really creepy, right? It is. Is it a lot of screaming? It seems like that's kind of the recipe for reality shows. Ask her.

What I watched it was fairly tame. I wasn't fully tuned in to what they were doing. They were some influencer came over to the mansion that they live in together, and I think there was some sex. But I don't know, you tell us, Ashley, are they screaming at each other a lot? I just thought it was really weird that they all kind of have the same appearance. Maybe that's a Mormon thing, I don't know. I don't know.

The girl, or the couple of episodes I watched, the girls don't seem to be like that all-out screaming brawl situation, but it's more of like the texting. Cady? Yeah, being catty. Nasty, passive, aggressive. Why did you show up? You weren't invited to this party kind of vibe.

Yeah, I never got into that kind of thing. Oh, okay. Now I have to look at a picture. I'm such a moron. I'm sitting here with a community. right in front of me. I'm going to look up this Taylor character and see if I recognize her from my brief experience with the show. Oh, I only punched in Taylor and I hit Enter. Where do you suppose it went, Josh? Taylor Dane. No, no, good guess, though. Taylor Hawkins. We were just listening

to Taylor Dane the other day, weren't we? Not Taylor Hawkins. You're getting there. I punched in Taylor and enter. Wasn't there a famous porn star with the name Taylor? Maybe not. Not that I can think of. You're missing the obvious. What's that? Taylor Swizzift. Oh, yeah, sure. Duh. Where were you guys on that one? I thought he was doing a bit.

What do you mean? Life is a bit, Dana. Oh, my God. Okay, all right, here we go. A bit too long. I just looked up Taylor Frankie. Paul, yeah, I remember her from the program that I watch. I remember her from Mormon wives.

Yeah, she's like the main chick. Yeah, and you know, this is all so much more interesting to me now. I turned to my wife at one point when this Taylor Frankie Paul was jaw jacking on the secret lives of Mormon wives. And I said, this gal comes off like she's mentally ill. Oh, yeah. People have been texting in saying if you watch that show, you realize she's the type. Okay, so that show is also in limbo because of this video that emerged of Taylor Frankie Paul? I would think so.

Acting silly. It says... I don't know if they still run it or what. It says that show is still... in limbo. They've paused production in the middle of filming a season. Well, there you go. Taylor and this Dakota have a son together named Ever. Yeah, it's really odd. E-V-E-R-E-R-E-R-E-E-R? Do they pronounce it in a weird way, Ashley? No, no, no. Like, if you're...

I'm just thinking of it. Before this, all these shows came out that they were on. They were just on TikTok. It was like this huge mom talk crap. And they would just talk about what it was like to be a Mormon wife, basically. And one time I went down to rabbit hole and was like watching these videos. And all I could think the whole entire time was these people are crazy. These women are insane. Like they're dancing around in a TikTok to the TikTok's titled like,

what it's like to have Mormon wives. and like, whose kids are who? And I'm like, what is going on? This isn't normal. Why is this normal? Ah, television today. It's a real gang bang. People love the drama, right?

I haven't got into one of those yet, or probably ever. Like you were saying, Josh, I bet you my wife is, when she wakes up this morning and reads this news, she's going to have something to say about it, because yeah, she's into that Mormon program. Is The Bachelorette having a hard time finding women? Because, I mean... I've never followed that one either.

Good for her, I guess, no offense to women that aren't in the same boat as her. But, like, you didn't... I wouldn't expect the Bachelorette to pick a woman that's, like, divorced and has kids. Oh, she's got a built-in audience. ...situations going on. You know, there's got to be a better choice. Yeah, Dana's right, though. She's famous in that world.

She has a name already, so it'll probably would have increased people's interest in tuning in had this thing not completely gone off the rails. They should have expected this to come out, though, because they had to have known, obviously known about it. That's just so odd to me. She's a chair thrower, Josh. It appears that way. Stools, to be exact.

Stools. Those hurt more. Monkeys will throw their stools. Speaking of stools, which reality show was it where someone pooped on the floor? That was. Flavor of Love? Flavor of Love. Does this is a show where they, quote, unquote, get married at the end of it? Yeah.

That's love is blind. Oh, I thought this is the... Oh, they do at this too. Oh, they do? Well, I mean, I think there might have been seasons in the past where the Bachelorette or the Bachelor chooses no one. But usually, yeah, it gets down to two at the end and then... If they're going to call it the Bachelor or the Bachelorette, doesn't that indicate that someone's getting married? I thought that was the gist of the show.

I would imagine that's the final goal. I can't imagine. I'd be interested to know if any of those ever lasted, any of those relationships. Sometimes they, I think there's been like one or two. But this reminds me of for some reason on Netflix for a while. Whenever a show would finish, it would automatically start playing The Golden Bachelor for me. Have you guys seen that? No, what is it?

I watched a little bit of that one. There's a gentleman from Minnesota that was on that, correct? I thought he was kind of a big deal. Yeah, uh-huh. Tell me about the Golden Bachelor. It's people over, I don't know if it's over 50 or over 60. It's over 60. Yeah, it's just all these.

These old people trying to find love, but it's really sad for the most part because they'll be talking. Do they die? And for the most, I mean, it's very common for one of the people where their spouse has died. And so it's so sad because at least like the bachelor and the bachelorette, it's just like, oh, yeah, like they're fresh young. They've got nothing really going on. You think they'll push it even further and do like the golden golden bachelor or some dude's like 88? The hospice bachelor? Yeah, the hospice bachelor.

Dude's got an oxygen tank hanging out his nose. Probably, I mean, one of their events, so they go out and like group dates. And one of these group dates, it was the golden bachelor, so the man is being chased. And he's sitting at this little table in a gym, and then all the old ladies are cheering. Like they're a cheer team. They have to come up with like their own little cheer routine. And I thought. That sounds miserable.

Don't make these poor ladies do that. Josh, the Jurassic Bachelor. Yeah, I'd watch that. No, no, I wouldn't, but I'm interested in that. Or the hospice. I love that. That's got a nice ring to it. The hospice bachelor or bachelorette.

We get folks proposing to each other with their last breath. And they die before they get an answer. Super Dave says the Sugar Daddy Bachelor. Oh, there we go. He'd tune in for that. Oh, yeah, sure. Just, uh. Well, I'm very sad to hear that the Bachelorette has been canceled.

There go my Wednesdays. I'm just taking a guess. I think you're right. Really? Yeah. Nice. There go my Wednesdays. Naked UK.

Anybody watch that one? No, is that the one that... A listener texted that in, Cubby. They start... You know, they show the folks completely naked. I thought we watched a clip for many, many years ago where they start at the feet their way up. Yeah.

And then you can like pick it any time if like you want to go on a date with that. Is that the show? Yeah, I believe so. The Cougarette. Is that a real show? Cougarette. Maybe that's a suggestion. Oh, I'm sorry, Cougarette.

So it's like Bachelorette, but it's a Cougar. Cougarrette. Oh, that'd be fun. Frigin television programming. I always wanted to be on one of those. You've always wanted to be on some kind of a let's get married show? Yeah, like a Bachelor or Bachelorette. Not for like the end result.

I just think that would be. fun. I would just start unnecessary fights. Did you ever apply? I mean, this is your wheelhouse. I mean, people your age hell, you guys your generation is more used to reality shows

than you are situational. What's the word I'm looking for, Josh? Non-fiction? No. Your generation is more used to reality shows than you are situational, fictional programming. Scripted shows.

Well, although you can make an argument that all those shows are. At least the premise. Like with talented writers and thinking out storylines. So I'm not surprised that you would be drawn to it. Dana has applied to be on some dopey show. Survivor. Survivor. When I was growing up, was this maybe one of the first so-called reality shows, a real world?

Yeah. On MTV. I know a gal who applied for that until... She dropped to a knee from exhaustion. She was so driven to become a member of the real world. Okay, so I have watched a reality show. I watched the first season of Real World. Is that the one with that guy, Puck?

Yeah, Puck. Yeah, I watched the first season of that. And you did something dirty, did somebody's peanut butter, I believe? I can't remember. It was so long ago. What about this, Cubby? The Bachelor, the Naked and Afraid Edition. Yes.

I've watched an episode of two of Naked Plus Afraid. The Bag of Bones Bachelor. That's what we're going to do with some of these elderly people we were talking about. My daughter loves love on the spectrum. Do you guys watch that one? I see an episode or two of that, my wife. Oh, man. So she's thrown me clips.

You fall in love with them. Oh, immediately. Some of those dudes are awesome. Dude, the crack. This is tough to say. The Crackchleret. Where all the Bachelorettes are on, they're smoking meth rocks. Oh, heck yeah.

The Crack Chlorrette. slurret. Let's do this. Let's write some of these up. There's Narcan in every room. Milf Island. I don't know if these are real or fictional, but listeners are texting in there. Well, you always wanted to go to F Boy Island. Yes, I did. I never got a chance to see that television show. You guys told me about F Boy Island, and I said, that's the place that I belong. I want to be an F boy. I want to know all about it. I never got around to it. I feel silly. All right, so Easton at Sundown, Jesus said Puck was season two of the real world. So That's the one I watched.

Okay. Yeah, they're still big for a while even when I was growing up, but now obviously it's branched off in so many different other things. Snott Rocket Cheezer said Puck has a cooking show and he looks methy. Yeah, he did back then too. He looked a little unwashed. How about a deep south version of The Bachelor or Bachelorette where all the candidates are related?

We could copy a few and I sat down. down, took a couple of days, smoked some big fat joints. We could write all this stuff up. We could make a billion dollars over there. At ABC, you could use us right now. Yeah, they need a lifeline. We could write this stuff up. All right. I found out what reality show I really want to be on. I figured out the name, Extracted. So it's like a survival reality show. They put you in a cage and you got to get out? I'd be afraid to be on your team. I've seen. I've seen. I've seen. I've seen those previews. Yeah. So you're out in the wilderness, and two people of your choosing, whether it be your mom and dad

or your two best friends, they're back at base camp, nice, cozy base camp. And they can see you in the wilderness while you try to survive. No, you get close. You get close. Close. So they can see you, and they can hit a button at any time. They think that you're in so much distress that you're not going to make it through. Like you need to leave the wilderness lose the game show. They can hit a button and then you are released. And so you can't communicate with them. You can just watch them. And so like for example, get to the good part for Christ's sake. The last season I watched, this guy was killing it. I mean, like he was 100% going to be the winner. I've never seen somebody that, what's the word, creative in the wilderness.

Okay. So he's having to find water. and kill squirrels per food. Yeah, build shelter, that kind of vibe. So he's doing very well. And his wife pulled him because she missed him. Oh, no. And when they reunite. What did he stand to win?

Ah, shoot, a bunch of money. I can't remember exactly. Okay. He's called extracted? Yeah. And so they reunite after she pulls him from the wilderness. And he is just pissed. He's like, yeah, we'll talk about this later.

You can tell he's so mad because it was so easy for him. He was happy having a blast. I mean, there's other people that can't even start a fire. And he's got like a mansion built already for himself. $250,000. Yeah. I'll be damned. Because she missed him.

My wife would just let me die. Right. I'll have to check that one out sometime. I'm sure you can take two grizzly bears. They have to fight grizzly bears? Sometimes they wander past their camp. Do they? Oh, naked and afraid.

I love that one. What a weird show idea. That seems like something I'd be, if I had that idea, I'd be afraid to bring it up because I'm like, everybody's going to give me crap. Everybody's going to say I'm an idiot. They're going to laugh me out of this room. You're going to get ticks in places they should never be.

They just like they don't keep you guessing with that title. You know what you're getting with naked and afraid. Do they have an uncensored version? Like can you get a streaming version where you get to see the ariolas and whatnot? That's a good question. Yeah, I'm not sure. I've watched a little bit of that program

and I noticed that all the dudes on the show are kind of dorky, the dude who just blew Cub Scouts out of the water. You know what I mean? They're not necessarily, from what I've seen, not necessarily hippie, just kind of that boy scout guy who, would have a, you know, a record fish in one hand and a dead bear in the other out in the woods,

you know, kind of a tough guy character. The women all look like they went to three or four too many punk rock concerts in the early 80s, heavily tatted up. I'm just saying that's what I've noticed. Yeah. You can kind of understand what drove the dudes to want to be on the show because they've lived this outdoor The women kind of look like this is new to them. They look more like, like I said, like punk rock ladies.

How about this is a good text. Extraction. It goes to show how a lot of spouses will see us happy and change it. Yep. Ain't that the damn. All right, we might as well get going. We appreciate you hanging out. It's the Friday show.

Like I said, later on we'll talk to Randy. Well, we can check in on our significant. other bracket challenge were just in the beginning stages where all of our significant others filled out a bracket for the basketball tournament. We haven't yet decided what the winner gets. I don't think it matters. Nobody ever pays up. This should just be for fun. Last year, we were supposed to be treated to dinner by the losing team, which was Dana and his wife, and nobody's phone ever rang. So maybe we can come up with something. Maybe we don't. I couldn't care less. We did it one year, a hundred bucks. I never saw a dollar.

Yeah. It should be fun. 100 bucks. Maybe what if we made it 200 bucks? We'll check the stupid news when we come on back. The 93x half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standard heating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. This pot is about to be crazy. I don't even know what's going to happen. This is full send. Just like a boy's scrap. Join the party.

We threw like a spontaneous party. Out of nowhere was crazy. And we pulled off a crazy prank. Prinks. parties and viral culture at its wildest. Just seeing like the guys that you brought in and like seeing their different personalities and stuff, it's been entertaining, dude. This could be the greatest content building of all time, bro. The full send podcast.

Dude, let's get ready to rumble. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's do it. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. I hear you. A little earlier we were having a conversation about reality television. There's a big story going around. about a television program called The Bachelorette.

I think I have that correct. They were ready to cut loose with a new season of the show, but they've canceled that season because one of the characters on the show has been acting like a derelict, domestic violence, this and that. Big news for the reality TV fans. You just can't watch the new season of The Bachelorette.

They threw it into the garbage can. We got to talking about all these effing mental reality shows. It's wall to wall these days. We were trying to come up with a new one. So you got the Bachelorette. Somebody recommended the crack chlorette, where all the ladies would smoke meth rocks and picket scabs and whatnot.

Josh recommended the hospice bachelor. You get the old folks involved. They'd have to film it like in a weekend. Right. At the six to nine weeks that we heard the Bachelors, Bachelorette takes. Well, there probably won't be as many trips, you know, because they bring all those couples out to the beach and stuff like that.

That probably won't happen on the hospice, Bachelorette. Yeah, they're up against the clock. I could be part of it. Maybe that's part of a challenge they throw out there. Marry this guy before he drops dead? Yeah. Bachelor with a broken hip was another title sent to us by a listener. Here are some other ideas.

Oh, we talked a little bit about the television show, Naked and Afraid. a listener says, how about body painted and unsure? I'd love that. Somebody else texting said, naked and afraid describes what it's like when they take a shower at another person's house. Seriously. Oh, man. I hate doing that.

Accurate. Or what are those house rentals, those short-term house rentals? Josh, another reality show idea from a listener. The incest schlorette. Oh, geez. Gross. But I'm watching. Cousins, brothers, and sisters.

I'd be curious which region of the country would have the highest viewership there. Welcome to the incest chlorette. I'm your host. I wonder who they could get to host that program. Maybe one of the Osmans. It would take a while to find somebody. I was always kind of suspicious of the Osmond's. Oh, another.

idea, Josh. You, Josh, and a rich older guy are dropped into the woods with one man-eating grizzly bear, and you have to kill the bear. I'm going to kill the bear. Say it. I'm going to kill the bear. Say it. Say it again. I'm going to kill the bear. I'm going to kill the bear. Say it again. What one man can do, another can do. What one man could do, another can do. You know, I once read an interesting book, which said that most people lost in the wild, they die of shame. What did I do wrong? How could have I gotten myself into this? And they sit there and they die because they didn't do the one thing that

would save their lives. Thinking. Why is the rabbit unafraid? Because he's smarter than the panther. Josh, do you know you can make fire from ice? No. All right, let's start off. Let's start off today's report. talking about funny money.

And I've heard this slogan before. I've heard money spent at a strip joint referred to as funny money. Have you heard that one before, Josh? Yes. But that's not where we're going with this. We're talking about counterfeit monies. Some numskull in South Carolina tried to bail his own sad ass out of jail using counterfeit monies. counterfeit $100 bills.

Apparently, he never expected that law enforcement professionals would be able to tell the difference between real and fake monies. Pat is the poor bastard's name. He's 33 years old. And he obviously thinks he's smarter than everybody else. The deal is this Pat moron got himself arrested for trespassing. He spent the night in the cooler. when he came to the next day he stood up there in front of a judge. And the judge said, you know, if you hand over $250 bail money, you can go home.

Stupid Pat pulled out his pocketbook and a wad of cash. And he handed the judge three $100 bills. And he even had the balls to say, you can go ahead and keep the change. I didn't know we tipped judges. Yeah. Court officials. What a schmuck. The judge noticed that the money looked different.

The color was off. He flipped the bills over. The judge saw Chinese writing printed on the back of the monies. And I don't know. On second thought, now, maybe Pat was just being a dick. Because most folks would know this caper wasn't going to fly. I would think so. Maybe he was just being a dick.

So... I mean, I saw his mugshot. He doesn't look like a genius. But, you know, you don't judge a book by its cover. No, you don't. Well, technically, I guess I do that a lot when I think about it. You guys ever shopped for books? Yeah.

Do you ever look at the cover and go, that looks stupid? Yeah, of course. Plenty of times. I take it all back then. Yep. Sometimes I'll look at a book just because I think the cover looks cool. Me too. And it's a subject I normally wouldn't even read about.

As you might imagine, oh, here's another idea for a reality show texted in to the program from a listener. Luther, Bloomington, Kea, text line, 651,198, 93. Here's another idea for a reality show. Herpy Island. Oh, yeah. Everybody goes home with something, I guess. The slogan is, everyone goes home a winner on Herpy Island. Okay, this Pat Moron was hit with a couple new charges when he tried to turn counterfeit monies into a judge to bail his own ass out of the cooler.

Forgery, contempt of court, buttlording. I'm seeing this more and more. He was charged with butt lording. They're cracking down. Is that a joke? No, is that a pun? That worked. It worked, though.

Now Pat can't get out. How do you say it, Josh? Now Pat can't get out on bail unless he hands the judge $6,000. So what you're going to do now, Pat? You plug? Yeah, he never thought, boy, these Chinese symbols might tip off the judge that this isn't real. That's why I think maybe Pat's just a prick. And, you know, that was his way of thumbing his nose at the system kind of a thing.

So one of those guys that doesn't mind poning himself just to make a point? Exactly, exactly. Some guys don't. I'm sure the judge is not even thinking about it anymore. Here's another idea for a reality show texted in. What about The Bachelorette? But with a porn star and the twist is at the end of the show, it turns into a gang bang. Okay, yeah, man.

I'll... I bet there's a porn parody. I'll t-vo that. I'll watch that. Yeah, I'm sure there's a porn parody of The Bachelor or the Bachelorette. Probably done... Probably six or seven chapters at this point, Josh. What?

Nothing. You just made some kind of a move. I was moving my mouse. We're both hands. I hear there's video of this chaos. There's a video going round and round. Ashley can tell us when the time is right, whether or not it's up on our website. The police in that one state down there in the far southeast.

The other day the cops were simply jaw jacking with a 28-year-old character by the name of Chase. I don't know what they were talking about. It doesn't matter. Well, maybe it does. I'll get to that later. two cops talking to a 28-year-old kid named Chase, and up and out of nowhere, this Chase character suddenly busted into a sprint,

trying to get as far away from the police as he could, as quickly as he could. The cops must have been, you know, what the F is wrong with this some bitch? Out of nowhere, he ups and runs. The police ran after Chase. Yes, I get it. The cops ran after Chase,

And watched as Chase jumped into a river. And at that point, Chase started swimming his nuts off. Boy, if I was a cop, I don't know if I'd continue the pursuit. Yeah, I feel like, you know what, I don't want to get wet today. You mean? I just cleaned my uniform. Yeah, and then I got to spend the rest of the day like this? No, thank you.

The boys are going to give me crap back at the shop. Yeah, I've avoided the flume, which is a fun ride, because I didn't want to be wet the rest of the day. Always save it for the end. Well, it's funny you guys are saying all that because of where we're going next. And yeah, I'm with you, Cubby. I avoided the flume every opportunity beyond the first. Oh, it's a blast.

Yeah, I absolutely. And what's the other one? The wave one. What's the big one? It's called Squirt Mountain. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. The first time I went on the flume, I said, yay.

Yep, me too. That was great. and then the next time someone said you want to go on the flume i said i don't really feel like being soaking wet for the rest of the day i went on the log ride recently at the mall of america that's still a blast you don't get too wet on that one depending on where you sit i've seen some folks i don't really get it i've never gotten wet on that but i've seen some people they get it the squirt nato what's the other one wave something you're talking about the one in valley fair yes

the wave that's all it is it's just the way i thought it had a more elaborate name than that. That was the best because you sit in the front right so you can get splashed the most and then you got to hurry up and run run run run run and get on that bridge and then it almost like knocks you off the name bridge. I like seeing the first timers aren't writing for that and they just get smoked.

Yes. Dude you ever see people up there and they just they have no idea that that's what's happening or like there's like a toddler up there and I'm like oh no. It's Thunder Canyon. Oh okay. I thought it had a cool name. That's the one where you're riding the circuit ones and kind of blast you down the river.

I do not like the water rides. Oh, how about the idea of F off Island where contestants pretend to work, but they're actually effing off. That sounds fun. That's F off island. Okay, back to this kid. His name is Chase.

He's talking to a couple of cops. Suddenly he runs. He dives into a river. And he's swimming now as fast as he can. I'd love to be able to take this story to a level, like say Chase's next move was to hop into a race car and after that he piloted a helicopter, but that would be dishonest. The sad truth is that the two cops who chased Chase,

and I bet these two cops are embarrassed by this, but they got a job to do, which is to catch the bad guys. Remember, last we left, Chase was swimming as fast as he could across a river to try to get away. The two cops each stepped out onto two separate paddle boards and they gently paddled out to the middle of the river to apprehend chase. That's embarrassing. Yeah, well, one of the guys, too, was just horrible at it. And I would be as well, I'm sure. Was he wobbling quite a bit?

Oh, yeah, and he looked terrified. Yeah. And, you know, he's a big, kind of tough-looking guy. He just looks silly out there. That's pretty funny. That's commandeered paddle boards. I'd imagine, you know, when they're going through all their training, they never even consider something like that.

Is the video up on our website, actually? Yes, it is. I love how you went as fast as I did. That's a fun bit. Josh, if you and I were those two cops, we wouldn't want to step out onto those paddle boards. Most rivers are pretty gross, too. But I think I'd rather swim than boop-bo-bo-boop, bo-boop-boop on my paddleboard.

Do some yoga while you go out there? I would feel so dumb. Yeah, that's true. You can't really look cool on a paddleboard. No, we would look cooler. If you and I were the two cops, we would look much cooler swimming after the bad guy. Even if they told us there's like a 30% chance we're going to drown. E. coli, whatever.

Yeah. I'd still rather swim. then paddleboarding is just so. So I am kind of curious as to why Chase, with his untapped skill as a triathlete, I am curious as to why he originally ran like hell. All the story says here is that he was arrested in charge for loitering, prowling, and resisting arrest.

So I don't know. He does sound like a character. His name is like a character Tom Cruise would play in a movie. Chase Cruz. That doesn't sound real. Really, the last name is Cruz. Chase Cruz. Wow. I wonder if his parents were. Sounds like a surfer.

Motorheads or something. Maybe his, I don't know. This is interesting to me. Let's find out where we can go with this. A survey was turned loose. Americans were asked about this, and the word is, 19 million Americans have considered shooting someone. Oh.

Like, what do they consider considering shooting someone? Like, there's been plenty of times where I'm like, dude, I'm going to shoot you. Oh, I mean, I've certainly entertained the thought of shooting a couple of people. Yeah. Before anybody calls the feds or whatever, the people I've thought about shooting have been personal enemies of mine. Not politicians or actresses or random folks at the mall or anything. Yes, yes. Let's make that clear.

Nothing deeply demented like that. I'm talking like my brothers. Yeah, what are you saying, John? I think that's what they mean in this study. Like, to anybody you know or, you know, you've come across, you want to shoot. I don't think they're talking about, like, assassinations or something. And I've never wanted to, like, shoot to kill. I'm just like, I want to shoot you in your leg.

And then you have issues for months. You have to go to rehab. It's a whole thing for you. I've at least entertained the thought of shooting to kill. I have. So you don't think they're considering wackos that want to shoot up them all? My understanding was it was like somebody, it's kind of like a jockey question, hey, you know, would you be interested in?

Is there anybody you've ever wanted to shoot? Right? Like you mentioned Ashley with your brothers. 19 million Americans have considered shooting someone. It was the crooked bastards at the University of Michigan who fired this survey out to random folks. And they say 19.3, to be exact, million American adults have seriously considered shooting another person at some point in their lives. Some of these people, now here's where it gets a little concerned. 7.3 of those 19 million people have had, quote, repeated lifetime thoughts of shooting someone.

You might want to sit down and tell a professional about those thoughts before you bust a spring. Yeah, been like some type of list where you can't go and purchase a gun. Repeated lifetime thoughts of shooting someone. 7.3% of people have had that rolling around their noggin. 51% of the I think about shooting. people crowd thought about targeting an enemy. Like I said, I've done that. More concerning numbers, and it brings up one of the saddest, most shameful things we've ever had to deal with in the history of this country, 25% of folks have thought about targeting strangers. That's too high. Anything more than 0%. Yeah. Oh my God, that's disgusting.

Of the 19-some million Americans who admitted they've thought about shooting someone dead, most of them are young dudes. No surprise there. We young dudes, we run hot. We have all kinds of crazy nonsense rattling around in our brain pans. So there you go. Nice uplifting study. So, Ashley, when you say you've thought about it,

you mentioned you don't want to kill him, but you legitimately, like it was a very serious thought, not a joky thought. I guess it's more on the joky side. Yeah, because I mean, I... But I give that credit to, like, I guess my dad and like grown up around guns.

Like they're no joke. Well, I give credit. I have had serious thoughts of shooting and killing a couple of people that I've hated. But I've never even gone any further than thinking about it because of my deathly fear of prison. Oh, yeah. Do you own any firearms? No, no. I did a while back, but I gave them all to my brother and my dad.

Oh. So I wouldn't kill anybody. Maybe that's a good idea. Well, you know yourself well and I don't understand. So I wouldn't kill anyone. Here's the combo to our gun safe. If you ever feel like you need to handle something, I got you cover. Josh, I wanted to make the idea of killing someone a little more difficult on myself.

I'd have to drive to my dad or my brother's place. Well, that's good. I mean, honestly, that's very mentally impressive. I could never do it. but again, we're talking about just thinking about it. And yes, I've thought about it. I could never do it because I would go to prison and Nikki no likey the idea of going to prison.

Yeah, it does not sound pleasant. You wouldn't do good there. You'd be without chew for a while and that would just send you in an absolute rage. No, I would not. I would not. I would not. I would not at all. Actually, wait.

Maybe you could have like a kitchen job. I could see you having a kitchen job and then Everybody would love you. Well, here's where I have a chance. A kitchen job, see, I can't cook. They'd hate me. Well, you've experienced. You could broast chicken.

All I do is sweep carcass into a brooster, Josh, and wait for a beeping noise, which means the chicken is done, and then I take it out. I don't know how to cook. I would certainly have the time to learn to cook if I was in the kitchen, like you said, Ashley. But here's where I might have a chance,

and here's how some of the rest of you might have a chance. I'm older now. and a friend of mine went away for a stretch guy I went to high school with and he was one of these guys Josh that when we were 17 he looked 46 years old weathered face his hair went white very young so he went to

he went away when we were I want to I want to say 35 years old and he looked 60. And he said, when he got out, I had a few beers with him. And I almost felt just funny asking him about it because I didn't want to bring up any dark, dark things. Yeah. I assumed the worst. But I had to after a couple of beers. I said, you know, tell me what it was like. All I know is the movies. And I have a couple other friends who have spent short runs, but this guy was in there for a while. I said, what was it like? And he said, he basically went unnoticed. Nobody talked to him. He didn't talk to anybody.

And I said, well, why did you get so, why do you think that was? And he said, because I looked old. Everyone assumed me to be totally harmless because I look so much older than I am. And I said, well, damn, that's kind of interesting. Is he one of those guys, because I've known a couple people like this where they looked old when they weren't. But once they got to the age they looked, they kind of stayed that way. So eventually they looked young, but much older. No, this guy never looked young.

So he kept going? Yes. No, really odd. I think how Steve Martin has looked the same his entire life. Yeah. Yeah, but Steve Martin still has always has had kind of a cute face. This guy was like Charles Bronson mixed with Danny Trejo, just weathered face. I wouldn't mess with that guy at all, the matter how old he looked.

So, yeah, I mean, he said, he said, if you're going to go, go old. A story out of Georgia is next. Oh, this sucks. Some Jay Brone left a dog in a box on the side of the road. Poor little bastard. That's how I got my family dog growing up. You found him on the side of the road in a box? Yep.

One of my dad's co-workers was driving on the highway and saw there was a big box and some puppies. He's falling out of it. And so he went, picked up the big box, came to our house and said, you want one of these highway puppies? And we said yes. We ended up getting a dog. It was just astray running around the city. Oh, really?

It took a while. It took like a year because they were trying to find the owner. Oh, really? I was wondering how that process goes. Yeah, we didn't, obviously somebody like dumped them though. But that was the best, the best damn dog I ever had. Rest in peace, Harley. They think our dog was dumped too.

Like, they just opened the door. They'd get the heck out of here. That's so messed up. You know what, Ashley? that's how me and my brother got our three ducks and a goose. One of my dad's truck driving buddies was a driving, you know how they do. And he saw the little three ducks in a goose, and he put him in a box. And he brought him back to the terminal, and he said, hey, Born.

And he shoved the box towards my dad and said, do you want three ducks in a goose? And my dad said, no. And the guy said, well, here they are anyway. Your problem now. some bastard left a dog in a box on the side of the road in Georgia. Luckily some folks from the neighborhood animal shelter found the little prick. And I think he's kind of a cute little bastard, black and white mutt with a world-class underbite. His lower teeth are sticking out.

He can't tuck him. I love that. He can't tuck him into his lip because of this rock star underbite he has. go, uh, here's the deal. And let me tell you what happened now. Word is there was a note on the box with the dog in it. And you tell me what you make of this. The note said, this dog is stupid.

I'm already mad. I found him, but he's too stupid to have as a pet. A bullet would be best for this dog. He climbs the first. fence or he digs in the yard runs from everyone. He pees and poops in the house. And he'll express his anal glands if you pick him up. And I got some in my mouth.

Oh, those are gross. I don't think we needed that information. That's why he's here. F this dog. That was the note. That's so sad. Very uplifting. That's so sad.

Well, didn't you catch the part up when he caught some anal gland juice in his mouth. It was a nice way to top it off. Has everyone here experienced that? Oh, yeah. What that smells like? Yeah, my doxin. My dachshund would spray just very, very few times in his life.

It was a minor, minor issue compared to there are some other dogs out there where you've got to be doing the anal gland routine every five, six days. So I got real lucky. Yeah, we had a dog who did it three times, and you'll never forget that smell. You'll never forget the smell, or what's worse, I think, because you'll never forget the smell of when cats spray. Oh, I've never experienced that, thank God. They'll do that when they're, like, super stressed out one time. Isn't that, you know, just?

I don't know when it is. Or was I misled? And I feel like a fool. Did you hear the playground in fourth grade? It is such a bad smell. Now, our doctor friend, Dr. Andrea Johnston, won't be with the program for a couple of weeks because she's going on spring break.

But, Josh, write down that question. Is it Jiz? I'm not going to, I just Googled it. I am not going to. We should play that game. Is it Jiz? Coming up on 93X. Yes.

What did you find out? It is a pheromone described as pungent mixed with urine. Cats used to mark territory. God darn. I thought for years it was something else. Not Jizz. What a fool. I'm a damn fool.

Ah, nice. We ruined a breakfast already. This dog is stupid. found him, but he's too stupid to have a pet, to have as a pet. A bullet would be best. He climbs the fence. He digs. He runs from everyone. He pees and poops in the house, and he will express this. Ain't no glance if you pick him up. I got some in my mouth. That's why he is here. F this dog. That's the note that was on the box with the dog in it on the side of the road. An animal shelter, the animal shelter that I was telling you about that picked this damn dog up

off the side of the road. Says he has a very sweet personality. They're trying like hell the find the owner. I wouldn't count on that. If they can't find the legit owner, hell, someone else can have them and hopefully the little dog can move on and have a few laughs with a brand new family. How did he get it in his mouth? What was he doing? Are we picking him up like so, like,

hey, you little son of him, and then that this sprayed, I don't know. What are you trying to, uh, trying to figure out how are you trying to insinuate that this man was, uh, I think he was, I think he was doing something with the butt. Why is he by the butt like that?

Down on all fours. Get away from his butt. You know what, Ashley, you bring up a good point. Why is he by the butt like that? It reminds me that old salt and pepper song. There's a setup there. Boobody, boobody, booboo-booby-booboo-ty-booboo-ty-boob. I want to thank your mama for a butt-like.

Give me a shake. Scooby-dooby-doo. It likes me and you. It's called the chup. Ippie-doop. Everybody. Sippity. Nobody wants to sing the chute.

I'm looking up the lyric. Shake with me, doby. I actually didn't do that too long ago. Smoke a doobie, just like your name was Scooby. And you got an ass, and I said, oh, no, bring that over to my bro. Can I get some fries with that shake, shake, booby? This is booby. I thought it was booty.

Keep going. If looks could kill you. You would be an oozy. Or a shotgun, bang. What's up with that thang? I want to know how does it hang. Straight up. Wait up. Something, Mr. Lover.

Like Prince said you're a sexy mother. Are you a... Are you a rapper? Me? Yeah. Sounds so natural coming up. I know. I've told this to my wife I could easily be a rapper.

Give us some more filth from the song. We can tell you even putting the work in. Don't you know I want a shoop, baby? Shoup, shoo-boop-boop. Shoup-a-boop. Shoup-boop. Shoe-boop. That's well done.

Yeah. Perfect. Let me bring you back to the subject, peps on the list. Is that one of the... Peps on the list. Is that one of the ladies? Well, yeah, she's Peppa. Salt and Peppa.

Salt and Peppa. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. And the DJ's name was Spinderella. I never heard it shortened. Spinderella. One of our listeners just texted in, girls, what's my weakness? Men! Sports.

On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. We've got some more ideas coming in. What's your name again, Josh? More ideas coming in from our wonderful listening audience. We're trying to come up with a new angle on a reality show. They could be a big hit. We explored the idea of the crack chlorette, crackheads, looking to get married. Old timers, what was it, Josh again?

The Jurassic Bachelor or the Hospice Bachelor. How much money would it take, Cubby? You could use a few bucks, couldn't you? I could, yeah. How much money would it take? Desperately. for you to be the starring character in a show called the cuckler or the cuckleret. Yeah, I have no interest in television, much less radio.

So I can't say I'd ever do something like that. You don't even want to be here, let alone on a television show. I think you'd be perfect for the cuckler. Maybe I'd work on the show, you know, just kind of watch other people work. Kind of a cuck. I'd like to be on set just in a chair somewhere watching everyone else work. There you go. That'd be perfect.

You'd be great at that. That basketball tournament, huh? Anyone got anything to say one way or the other about that basketball tournament? Oh, one thing. Bracket Buster! Oh, yeah, yeah, that's fun. We'll talk to what do you call those people we know. Brad and Randy.

We'll talk to them in about a half hour. Maybe we'll get it all off our chest then. Yeah, we'll save it for our conversation with Brad plus Randy. But yeah, there were a couple of those. Bracket Busters, that's what makes the tournament so much fun. Golden Gopher Women's Basketball are at the barn tonight, by the way. away five a call. If I say another word, he keeps going?

No. No? That's it. You being serious? Yeah, that's it. Golden Gold. Roll the boat. Sky him!

That was Ashley. But you cut it off before the go-go? A big ten... No, unfortunately. It's a different clip. And the computer, lost the computer the other day. So I'm kind of trying to rebuild a bunch of clips. How does a guy lose a computer?

Well, I lost it as in lost its use. Oh, God. I'm sorry to hear that. Golden Gopher Women's Basketball are playing in an official NCAA women's tournament game tonight at home. They'll be battling the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay. You know who's going to that basketball game tonight? Is that you? My brother. Wolves versus Portland tonight. Pigs lost. I don't think they're going to make it. Randy and Brad, like Josh said, Randy and Brad will be joining us at 7.30 this morning. We can get into the hoops, the college hoops. Until then, Josh has a news. report coming up next for you. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-d-year-old. degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back,

your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-K-E-L-L-K-L-K-L-D-com. And it spells relief for you. Full Send Golf. You guys know how much I really, really love golf, and I think every week would be dope to post on the Golf Channel.

I want to get a lot of guests on here. Saleem's going to take a leap. I'm down to be in it. It's not really work to play golf. Join the party on the golf course. I was like, let's go to the range. So what are we putting on it? We said 10K, right?

10-K? All right. We probably bet more than all the other golf channels, right? 10K, 9-0s. Those guys bet for, like, cookies. I feel like I'm going to shank it. This guy's been training like a Navy seal when it comes to golf. I'm very, very excited.

You excited? Yeah. Bullsen golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93X half-assed morning show. Nice. Nice. So, Mr.

lawyer from the public defender's office is going to reach out to you and talk to you about your case. Please do not discuss the facts of your case with anyone except for your lawyer. A bachelor party in Florida featured celebration, stiff drinks, sunburn, and a sudden. and stabbing. The trip took a turn from flirty to feral after one man monopolized the attention of every woman in sight, leaving his friends simmering with spite, very jealous. According to reports, the 32-year-old Massachusetts man didn't just win the room, he swept it. Witnesses said the women that they met at the bars paid attention only to him, and each apparently quite keen on the gentleman, and each wanting to get with them, if you know what I'm saying. Get with them.

Josh, you know that feeling. Oh, yeah, I know that feeling. Elijah Juan Dickerson is the guy's name. No kidding. Wow. The ladies all are wanting him to Dicker, son. I can't get beyond that first name. That is brilliant.

Elijah Juan? Yeah. So I wonder if his folks named him after their two favorite athletes, Akema La Juaan and Eric Dickerson. Well, wait a minute. Dickerson's his last name. Dickerson's the last name. But maybe they changed it.

Wow. Beautiful. Did you hear when I said Dickerson? I did like that, yeah. Thanks. Back at their shared Airbnb in Miami Beach, brewing tensions finally boiled over. After the women left with Dickerson and another man, the overlooked friend confronted him. Perhaps a side effect of catastrophic blue balls, the victim began an argument which escalated instantaneously.

Witnesses stated that Total Dickerson approached the victim, they saw blood, and the victim was bleeding from the stomach. He told investigators he suddenly realized he'd been stabbed, and fearing a sequel, defended himself by stabbing Dickerson in the arm. As bystanders scramble to stop the bleeding Dickerson, a witness said that he handed over a bloody folding knife, which police later recovered. They said that Dickerson denied wielding it. In fact, he denied being in an altercation at all,

which is a bold stance when multiple people just watched the entire unfortunate episode unfold. He now faces a charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and is being held without bond. I've seen a picture of him and I don't really get it. I don't either. What? I didn't want to be mean or anything, but yeah, what's going on where these women were fawning over him? It's very mid.

Or less. Yeah, I'd say I do it. Now I'm being mean. Okay, but now that you said it, I'm going to be mean. Yes, less than mid. Maybe it's the name. The name is so gorgeous. It is.

That is true. Maybe he has a nice voice. Is he a somebody and we don't know it? Is this a famous person? They probably would have mentioned that, but maybe. Maybe he's loaned locally. No, he's from Massachusetts, so maybe they wouldn't know him locally. And two dudes stabbed each other over the attention from these women?

Yeah, so one guy gets mad like, hey, jerk, we were trying to meet some women too. And he said, F you, and he stabbed the guy that complained. And the guy that complained said, well, F you too, buddy. stabbed him right back. You know what, Josh, maybe it was one of those situations. I believe they talked about this and how I met your mother, where all his friends are so unattractive that when he surrounds himself with them, it makes him look more attractive. Or I think we're forgetting the obvious. He could just had a platinum amics card and was buying everything. Could be. I'm pardon me, your name is Ashley. I think they call that being situationally attractive.

Yeah, I think you're right. Or he could have been wearing gray sweatpants and could have been very well endowed. A few people are texting in saying they figured out he had a big weener. Could be. A creepy elementary school teacher played twisted games to get preteen girls to sit on his lap as he called them gold diggers. He even waved a knife in class while threatening to stab them. What the hell? The 51-year-old fifth grade teacher faces several abuse charges after numerous students complained about his behavior at Wing and Lily Fong Elementary School in Las Vegas. Waving around a knife at little kids. Well, he said, it's just an example of me being funny in class.

As we know, nothing says comedy, like simultaneously objectifying and terrifying little girls. Students said he openly favored the girls and made unsettling comments about their bodies. He also called the girls gold diggers, mean girls, and threatened to chop off two students' hair if he found out they were dating. And these are fifth graders? Fifth graders. Then there were the games, which somehow managed to be. worse than the comments. Tell me about the games. In one called the teddy bear game, he'd fake cry until a student came over to comfort him. Then he'd pull girls onto his lap and grabbed their

waists so they couldn't leave. Another favorite, knife tag. Oh, dagger tag. Yes, a little knife tag where the douchebag would, he would turn off the lights, pull out a large knife and chase them around the room telling them, you better run, making stabbing motions as he went. This guy's psychotic. Yeah. And when he wasn't playing these nightmare games, his temper filled the gaps. He reportedly flipped a student's desk over and threw a book at him out of anger. One girl said she was often scared, noting that his screaming could quickly escalate into something physical. And then there was the boner.

In other instances, students claim, when upset, Wyn would flip students' desk or throw objects at them. One student recounting the time they say, Gwyn, threw a notebook at their face. One other student reported seeing Gwen with an erection at one point. Yes. All right, John. Why does he? I mean, that's all very important information. But how did you expect us to focus on that information with that guy's delivery?

I thought about just doing the whole report. It was like two minutes long. This guy, it was worse. What is he doing? Here's what sucks. I'm no longer concerned about these little kids. I just want to see that guy lose his job. I'll show you the video.

Maybe we could post it because it was worse than that at times. And the difference, too, was kind of crazy because he's like, all right, yeah, let me tell you the story. And then they cut to the, you know, the recorded part. And then he starts talking like this. Oh, okay. So live, he wasn't so puky. No, not at all. But when he would, let's try to focus on the kids.

I'll completely lose myself in that guy's delivery. I understand. It was distracting. Yeah. It's one of those I'm alone in a room. room and I even look behind me like, are you guys hearing this? We have people texting and going back to our conversation later

about shooting strangers and they're like, yeah, now I want to shoot a stranger. You can understand this guy, yeah. You know who he sounded like, and this could be a stretch for some of his. Remember when Napoleon Dynamite and his brother took that karate class and that German actor that I like so much

is the karate instructor? And he says things like, you will learn to blah, blah, blah. You know the part I'm talking about. Napoleon D. What time is it? He sounds like that guy from Napoleon Dynamite. I'm trying to find, see if I can look through my history. What do you got?

Audio maybe? Yeah, see if I can go back and play this for you. You're good. I don't think I'm ever going to find it. Boy, I Google you guys a lot. Is it Hedric, Diedrich Bader, whatever? That's the actor's name who played the karate instructor, Napoleon D. Sounds right.

Yeah. Are you trying to find audio from that movie? It's all the same search. Nick Born Naked, Nick Born Naked, Nick Born Naked. Nick born naked. Yeah, sorry. I'm trying to find audio from that guy so you could hear the rest of it, but I'll have to look for a little later.

A little later in the day. So this guy, this wasn't just like a one-day thing? This stuff was ongoing. The dude worked there for like seven years, Ashley. What in the, I mean, I understand. I shouldn't blame any of the victims for not speaking up, but like how did none of them like tell their parents? Maybe they did.

Yeah, the story didn't say that. You never know. Maybe this was new. I mean, he'd been there for a long. time. He also taught third graders. Oh, no. What was he doing with a third grader? Hopefully nothing. Maybe he just suddenly snapped. Maybe this hasn't been going on for too

terribly long. The 51-year-old was arrested last Tuesday in charge with seven counts of child abuse or neglect, seven counts of unlawful contact with a minor. Even a fellow teacher had reported him to administrators in the past, saying that he made her feel uncomfortable by making advances toward

her and giving her unwanted gifts. During a police interview, the teacher admitted he'd been doing some of these acts for years, but defended it as trying to entertain the students. He described it as him being funny while conceding he could see why some of his actions were weird now. So they didn't say how serious some of the ones he'd been doing for a while, but I'd imagine it couldn't have been anywhere near where he's at now, right? Like he said, Ashley, people would have stopped this. Yeah, well, if anybody in the listening audience has any experience homeschooling their children,

I would love all your tips and advice because I don't ever want to send my kid to school. You know, there's some recent exam. I mean, the two school districts shutting down this week because of threats I totally understand. Can't do it. I don't blame you. It's kind of freaky out there these days. By the way, the character from Napoleon Dynamite played by Diedrich Bader, the character's name was Rexquando. A lot of folks are texting that in.

That's awesome. I hope you find something that you like there, Ashley, as far as sending your kid to school. I hope you find something you're comfortable with. I hate to tell you this, but I know some people who were homeschooled and was just my experience. They're weird. It was not good. Oh, no. Well, you've got to learn the social aspect of it.

I think it's a lot different now, homeschooled. Probably. I think they have like you can play sports, you can do stuff like that where at least it seemed like when we were growing up, it was just you're at home. Yeah. Yeah, they do have like the communities around. Yeah. They do big things. They are social things.

kept in a box. Sleep in a closet. You haven't seen sunlight ever. No, no, you come out the house, your lips are blue from a lack of sunlight, you know, a lack of vitamin. What does the sun give you? Vitamin something. D. D, I'll give you some.

What time? There you go. You've been very concerned about the time today. So far. A disgraced teacher with a fitting nickname is facing federal charges after using his home as a hub for kick-ass prostitution parties. 66-year-old Eric Simpson. a technology teacher in New York, nicknamed Major Hands, applied his technical talents to a very different sort of networking.

Authorities say he moonlighted as a pimp, regularly promoting, organizing, and hosting prostitution parties at his residence. According to prosecutors, the retired member of the New York National Guard arranged for commercial sex workers to attend the gatherings, making them available to perform sex acts for Simpsons and guests he invited. Major Hands, advertising. the events via email, including updated lists of which sex workers would be present, and instructing attendees to negotiate payments described in some cases as donations directly to the dancers.

He set cover charges for admission, managed which rooms were fit for fornicating, and directed visitors to discrete parking locations away from the home in order to avoid drawing attention. And in addition to his role as a technology teacher, Major Hands previously worked as a substitute English teacher. Josh, I got a text message from a listener who says that you were homeschooled, but you were bullied so much you had to transfer to a different school. By the teacher.

Yeah. Teacher was rough on me. Super hot, though. What? A decade after grossing out America by mixing blood with semen, photographing it, and then making the strange decision to use it as an album cover, Metallica is celebrating a major milestone

with the American Red Cross, and this, This time, spunk free. They joined forces with the organization via their All Within My Hands Foundation to help save lives through blood donation. And on Wednesday, the Red Cross announced, since its launch, more than 40,000 donations have been collected. Battalica fans definitely showed up to do their part, with the Red Cross reporting 16% of participants donated blood for the first time. Anyone interested in donating can download the American Red Cross blood donor app. call 1-800 Red Cross or even enable the blood donor skill on any Amazon Echo device to make an appointment. That's pretty cool.

They're saying Metallica is directly responsible for all those donations. Well, I should say Metallica fans, but them starting that has been very helpful. Master of Puppets. From deep space survival to underwater adventure and a raw look at the most famous sock-covered penises in rock history, There's a bit of a mix of new releases this week in theaters. Project Hail Mary launches audiences and a high-stakes mystery as a science teacher wakes up alone on a spaceship with no memory and a mission that could determine the fate of Earth.

After surviving a brutal attack, a woman learned she's been pushed into the next level of a deadly game. To make it out alive, she must protect her sister while four rival families close in, each vying for the throne and total control. In ready or not two, here I come. driving, diving, that is, into the family-friendly, the pout-pout fish. An animated journey beneath the waves where two unlikely aquatic outcasts team up for an against-the-odd-odd quest to protect their ocean home. Can't wait for pout pout pout fish.

Oh, is that something more than just a movie? Is that like based on something? Yeah, pout-pout fish is a kid's book. It's a very popular kid's book. Did not know that. Pout-pout fish. On the streaming side on Netflix, the rise of the red-hot chili peppers pulled back the curtain the band's early years in Los Angeles

exploring the chaos, creativity, and their influence. One more quick note. Man, they got hooked on heroin, didn't that? They sure did. One more quick note from Hollywood, the Spider-Man brand-new-day trailer shattered viewing records Wednesday,

reaching 718.8.6 million views in just 24 hours. That's crazy. It's now the biggest movie trailer launch in history, by far, destroying Deadpool and Wolverine's previous record of 365 million views. The new movie comes out July 31st.

People love them to Peter Parker. I guess so. That's insane. 718.6 million views. Tonight's the night for the Serenity Kennel first day of Springer, bingo and silent auction starting at 6 at the Chanhassen Recreation Center. Aside from bingo and great items up for bid, there'll be door prizes because making a difference is way better with snacks.

There's some of that, too, including a Kona Ice Truck. The event supports Serenity Kennel, helping pets find temporary foster homes while people get treatment, so nobody has to choose between getting clean and keeping their four-legged, very good boy or girl. Grab your tickets at 93X.com and support people, pets, and recovery right here in our community. Happy 16th to Z-Man from Dad, Ace Frontload Jesus. Happy birthday weekend to catastrophe Jesus, and rest in peace Hooters. as Hooters goes away in Minnesota officially on Sunday. Were you there last night, Dana?

I was in there last night, but I'm going today and tomorrow. You go two days in a row? My wife's going on Sunday for the final day. I heard a lot of alumni are going to be there on Sunday. Yeah, they're all getting together. That's cool. She's going to be there. Somebody thought they saw you last night, which is why I asked.

Just another handsome SOB with a super hot wife. Standard-looking Hooters, a good bro, yep. That was you. That's going to be you tonight and tomorrow? I'm going for lunch today. I'm going to go tomorrow afternoon with a group of friends to say goodbye. That's concerning. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder.

On the half-ass morning show. All right, six seconds. Block. What a feeling. This is not real, Jim. This is not real. If you can't tell, if you couldn't tell by the lack of bass in their voice, that was the high point student.

radio announcers calling the ass end of that upset win over ridiculous Wisconsin. The student play-by-play folks, those two kids were wetting their frigging pants. That was awesome. Good for them. Nothing better than Buckey Badger taking a huge dump in game one of the tournament, for me personally. Hello, Randy Schaber, Bradrider. Good morning, good morning. Good morning.

Love it. hilarious for me personally my tournament has already been made it doesn't matter at all what happens from here on out you just wanted wisconsin to get blown out i i love watching them lose that was beautiful it's almost a lock every time you fill out a bracket isn't it at some point wisconsin's gonna just kind of step on themselves so yeah we live for that kind of stuff as a matter of fact randy shaver it says here high point okay whoever that is i where the hell are they are they where the hell are they north carolina by albany new york New York. No, that's Sienna. Sorry. Sorry, I'm getting those.

North Carolina. I think North Carolina. Yeah. Whoever that is, they beat Wiscoe in round one yesterday. They were down by four with just under a minute left in the game? Yeah. They were down by four with just under a minute left in the game. High point hits a three-pointer.

Cuts the lead to one. Badgers didn't score again. Last year was the first time they made the tournament. They went 30 and four this year, and the big. Big South. So here's what you were saying. It seems like a matter of time, Randy Schaever, you were saying before Wisconsin steps on their rod. This is the second time in three years that Wisconsin has lost as a five-seed to a 12-seat.

Last year? No, two years ago as a five-seed, they lost to a 12-seed. JMU, would that be James Madison, Jim Morrison? James Madison. So there you go. That's great. That makes the tournament for me. Not a good day to be a six seed yesterday either.

A sixth seed? Did it not work out for the six seeds? Well, Louisville upset. I'm sorry, take that back. North Carolina upset. Yeah. And BYU ended up losing last night. I watched that game with that star player, AJ.

I'm not going to be able to deba. I think is how it's pronounced. For what team? For BYU. you. He's predicted to be maybe the number one pick in the draft. He's really good, first of all. But BYU just could not handle Texas. And you've got to give Texas credit because they won the play-in game on Tuesday. Then had to fly out to Portland from Dayton to play in the first round. So they've been all over the place in the last 48 hours. Duke got the blue-blooded scared out of them yesterday by Sienna.

I watched that too. That was fun. But the Blue Devils turned up with a win. I want to say, Nick, I was in Greensboro, North Carolina, when the Gophers played in the NCAA tournament, Gopher Men, and Sienna was there, and I want to say they upset somebody in that same region that we were in. Gosh, I say, I don't... Are we talking about the tournament

that we're supposed to pretend never happened? I think so. I think so. 97? Something like that. Okay. Sienna was actually in the same arena. And I'm guessing Greensboro.

I don't remember for sure. But their crowd, their following was huge. And they pulled off an upset. Maybe Dana can pull up the bracket from the 97 tournament and see if... I'm just really familiar in watching Sienna from that time period. Maybe we can... If they would have had somebody else who could have come off the bench, if they had anyone who could have come off the bench,

they probably would have won the game because those guys had a little bit of gophritis. They ran out of gas. They ran out of gas toward the end because all five starters played 40 minutes. They had one substitution. A guy came in, I think, with about 30 seconds left to foul. And that's the only thing he did was he came in to foul and then he went back to the bench. So they had all five starters technically played 40 minutes in the game yesterday. I think the graphic said it's the first time or would have been the first time since DePaul in a semifinal played all of their star.

No, nobody else played a minute. And I want to say it was like 1989 or something like that. That was the graphic that they put up. Okay. Showing that it's, it's been like 30 years since one, since a team played only their starters in an NCAA basketball game. I don't think it was a matter that they, I don't think it was a matter that they got necessarily out played the second half.

They just ran out of gas. Those guys just ran out of. They were tired. Yep. This is great. The joy that I expressed a few minutes ago over watching Wisconsin step in a huge feces pile yesterday in round one against whoever high point is, the joy that I expressed has upset at least one listener. Received this text message from Colby Cheeses Jesus. He says, I love how Minnesota fans can only find joy in Wisconsin teams losing.

Terrible town. terrible teams, terrible fans. At least you have the frost, he says. I've upset someone, Cubby. Randy, your Sienna upset was 1989. They beat number three-seated Stanford while they were a 14-seed. At Greensboro? Does it have the location?

It doesn't say. No, I could go deeper, but I think that's the one you're thinking. of, yeah. Okay. So that must have been, Randy, when you were out there to watch Kevin Lynch and Willie Burton and Walter Bond. Must have been. Yep. That group, whom I'm missing, Melvin Newburn. Actually, I think the gophers beat them too. Oh, yeah. The gov, you're, I'm looking at 89. The gophers beat them in the second round. Yeah, 80 to 67. They had to go through Sienna before losing to Bobby Cremens Georgia Tech Club there in the great age. The gophers were an 11 seed and one that got out of that first two rounds. That's good stuff.

For the first time in program history, the Nebraska Cornhusker men's basketball team has won an NCAA tournament game. The number four seed cornhuskers blew out number 13 Troy yesterday. Nebraska entered the turn. tournament with an 0-18 record all time. Yeah. Vanderbilt is next for the mayor. Yes, the mayor now has to draw up something to try and stop the Commodores of Vanderbilt.

So we have our significant other bracket challenge cooking over here. Thank you, everyone, for turning in your bracket where our significant others are facing each other for something. We haven't decided what the winner gets or what the loser might have to do for the rest of us. but just to give you a heads up after the first round of games and there's plenty more to come today. And Friday and Saturday and Sunday. So far it appears that Brad Ryder wife, who strangely her name is also Brad.

Weird. Did you guys know that? I think I wrote writer on the top of the bracket. Is that kind of like a George Foreman deal? Georgeina. Brad Ryder's wife and my current wife are doing very well so far after the first round of games. And then you got, you know, cubby wife.

Who's this? Ashley's husband is not doing well. That makes me happy. Hey, hey, Colby, Jesus, Jesus, we can find joy in other things. We're finding joy right now and Ashley's husband not doing well in our significant other bracket. Who's this? Dana, your wife is also not doing so good. Oh, no.

Randy's wife is not doing so good, but there's a long way to go. Yeah. And as long as your final four teams are all still together, you got a shot. You can't win in day one, but I guess you couldn't lose it. I don't think anybody lost any final four teams yet. No, no, no, no. I'm looking real quick. No.

Unless you pick the badgers. I don't think anybody went ahead with that. It's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. Now, I don't really fully understand this, but, you know, social media is always doing something. There's always a company out there that wants to use the NCAA basketball tournament to push.

their brand. Someone on social media has come up with a bracket, a tournament, where the success of the school is based on which one of them have a Wendy's restaurant nearby? Josh, is the closest Wendy's? Did you understand this? Sort of, yes. So the more Wendy's restaurants you have by the university, that will determine their success in the tournament.

Oh, the you of them could be in trouble. They don't have a Wendy's around here? Not really. Not around to you. Oh, let me look up the closest Wendy's. So if you're to base this year's tournament and the teams that are involved in this year's tournament on which schools have the most Wendy's restaurants nearby, the final final will be Vanderbilt, Arizona, which is a possibility in real life, I guess, right?

Yeah, it's possible. St. John's and Akron, Ohio would also be in the final for if you base it. on how many Wendy's. And so now since the Wendy's bit took off, then some other social media people said, well, I want to do a bracket too. Based on the proximity to Arby's,

based on the proximity to a waffle house, a raising canes. Others based the bracket on the scariness of the school's mascot if you were a toddler. That's fun. I like that. That's very creative. They also go ahead with Applebee.

Dave and Busters, Little Caesars, pick your favorite restaurant, and go ahead, jump on social media. You'll find out who the winner is. There's always something going on. What would be your favorite there, Josh, if I had to break it down? Let's go Wendy's Arby's, Raising Cain's Applebee. Let's just do those. Wendy's Arby's, Raising Cain's Applebee.

Where am I taking you out to eat? Well, I really like burgers. Yeah? So we got Wendy's and Applebee's there. I think I'll go Wendy's. That's a cheap date. And then, you know, there's the joke, right? You like Wendy's?

I'm not even going to do it. Letter Buck. No, I'm not going to do it. The Wendy's social media is very funny. No, very funny. So I'll go Wendy's. How about some of the rules that the kids have to follow, the kids that are playing in the basketball tournament?

Okay. NCA basketball has a strict set of rules. Oh, did you know that these college kids playing ball? they can make their own bracket as long as there's no money involved. I'm kind of surprised by that. I would have also imagined the NCAA would want them to stay far away from that as possible no matter what. The lines are so blurred right now. It is confusing.

Yeah. And who does a bracket that doesn't involve money? Come on. Oh, let's do it for funzies. We kind of did. Well, yeah, but we'll determine something. We've done it for money in the past. It just never has been paid up.

Last year it was going to be a meal. Never happened. Never happened. Last year never got paid up. Never happened. The students aren't allowed to wear jewelry out there on the court. Headware is limited. There are specific rules for headbands and barrettes and bobby pins.

Oh, I'm sorry. Headbands are allowed, but no barrettes or bobby pins. I mean, there's elbows flying and body parts all over the place. you can understand why you can't wear rings and jewelry and things like that. You got to tuck your jersey into your shorts. In an NCAA bracket costs Rick Neuheisel his job. We're going to go and talk about Rick New Heisel? It just dawned on me that cost him his job years ago.

The name rings a bell. Tell me the story. Is there money on it? Football coach. Football coach at Washington, wasn't he, Randy? And he ended up losing his job because he won an NCAA. bracket pool of several hundred dollars and it was proven that he was in it and they fired him. Oh my God. Jeez.

You got to tuck your shirt, your jersey into your shorts in the men's tournament. The women don't have to since theirs are usually shorter. I don't know if they mean the jersey or the shorts, but men have to tuck their jerseys in. Women do not. Fingernails must be clipped and can't be excessively long. Isn't that an NBA thing too? Don't they ask the guys to keep their... I think so, yeah.

I mean, stuff's flying all over. You see scratch marks in the NBA guys all the time. Yeah, some of those NBA guys aren't following the rules and trimming their nails because every once in a while you'll see a player jog down the court and they look like they just went through a meat grinder. I've even seen that in youth basketball. My son said they played against Wolverine a couple tournaments ago. That kid was scratching everybody.

Do they ask the kids, do the refs check out the kids' hands before a ball game? Well, they're super. I found this out because I told you about the blood match where there was a kid bleeding all over the court and they couldn't figure out who it was. They stopped the game and everything. And my son got scratched pretty bad. And the refs said, hey, if you get any more blood on your shirt there, your jersey, we're going to have to sit you. Yeah. So he just got his arm, like, way out during the game. It was like 14 band-aids on there because he didn't want to get kicked out of the game. Some kids' nails were just too long. Here's a weird rule that is in play for this

year's basketball tournament. Players are not allowed to lift or carry the their teammates. Huh. Guy makes a big bucket, you can't lift them up in the air. Of course, sportsmanship is very important. They stress good sportsmanship. This is the only real drag that I saw out of these different rules that the players have to follow. Tobacco use is prohibited.

And I didn't mean to be cute by saying drag. What, kid can't have a heater in the locker room? whatever, you know, he's an adult. Or during warmups? I mean, come on. Isn't it all vaping now? Yeah, I suppose you're probably right. I don't know.

Big water chewing his cheek during the game, why not? Exactly, right. When I was an eighth grade hockey kid, how do you say that? When I was an eighth grade hockey player, our team had its first practice of the season. And before we stepped out onto the ice, the coach told us, no one's allowed to say this or that, whatever, he was laying down the rules.

And I don't recall what they were. but he said anyone have any questions and a kid that I played with named John raised his hand and he said go ahead what's your question? The kid said can I smoke on the bench? And he wasn't kidding. No, he was one of those early smoker kids. Yeah.

Look, this dude, good, good player and so he was 14 or whatever. He'd only been smoking for a couple of years. He looked exactly like Tom. He looked exactly like Tom Petty. He looked exactly like Tom Petty, so we called him the heartbreaker. Golden Gopher Women's Basketball at the Barn tonight for an official NCAA women's tournament game. They'll be battling the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay Phoenix.

That's all kind of just confusing. Phoenix is the nickname. They're playing the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay Phoenix. See how far they can go. Is that game televised? It better be. I don't know. Let me find.

I'm grabbing my newspaper. Because I will watch that before I watch the men. ESPNU. ESPNU, okay. If they win, they play on Sunday. So you've been pumped about this team this season, Randy. Well, obviously, they're very good. I mean, it's just nice to see the gophers get back into the NCAA tournament,

whether it's men or women. It's just nice to see them get back. So I think this coach has done a fabulous job. She really has. And a lot of the talent is not necessarily all Minnesota, but it's local. It's Wisconsin. It's, you know, she's doing it a way in which the fans can connect with the players.

I have very fond memories. I'm sure we all do of the run they went on. My God. How long has it been now since Lindsay Whalen and, 20 years? Maybe. I don't know. Is that right? Who was the big center?

De Nell McCarville. Macarville. God, they were terrific. Yeah, that team was great. So much fun to watch. Played so hard. And you were talking about some of the old Golden Gopher men's clubs that went on deep runs with Clem Haskin. And that 97 team, of course, that we're all supposed to pretend it never happened.

You know, a lot of folks talk about the Final Four game against Kentucky, and that was so exciting, of course, to be in the final four and playing against Rick Petino and the whole thing. And unfortunately, of course, they lost that game. A lot of folks talk about the clinching game in the Great Eight, where they beat UCLA, and UCLA had the O'Bannon brothers and that little point guard. What was his name, Edny or something like that?

Tyos Edney. Tyos Edney. Tyos Edney. If you want to get on YouTube or whatever the process is and look back at that run that they made, the game against Clemson was one of the most stressful, dramatic basketball games. They went one or two overtimes in that game.

Double overtime. It was one of the most entertaining sporting experiences I've ever had in my life. Randy, we were bellied up over at Billy's Lighthouse in Long Lake. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, man. And we, the roar from the drinking crowd that night, God, those were just beautiful times. Clemson had some big, broad-shouldered, some bitch out there

that gave them all they could handle, and it went all the way to double over time. I think there might have been a set of brothers on that Clemson team, too. UCLA had the O'Bannins. I want to say that that Clemson team had a set of brothers too. It was a long time ago. it was a lot of fun there's just no

no doubt about it and the ref would make a bad call early in the game and Clem would tear that suit coat oh yeah I love that man you said of a bitch he would say he'd tear that that fancy suit coat he'd tear it off

and throw it on the floor and say you're killing me you bastard nothing better nothing better at Williams Arena than watching Clem go nuts once Josh he took off that suit coat threw it on the floor and he stomped on it. Son of a bitch, suit coat.

You had me sweating out here. Clem, I told you before, if I get a chance, I just want to give him the biggest hug. I want to hug him. If you know Clem, contact me, I want to give him a hug. He kind of looks hugable. Oh, are you kidding me? Doesn't he?

Next year, we talked about this, next year is the 30th anniversary of that team. They have got to honor those guys. And if they're going to do it, if they're going to do anything, it's going to happen now because with Nico as the head coach, Nico Medved was a student manager on that team. Nico will try to make it happen. If he can't make it happen, it's not going to happen.

But they need to do something while Clem is still with us. Word, Brad Rider. I'm giving you the biggest word I've ever given anybody. Timba Walsh versus the Portland Trailblazers tonight at home. Does the NBA, like, do they know that nobody's watching for a while? During this time period? Yeah, yeah. Now, this is just really a hell of a deal.

Cade Cunningham, an MVP candidate in the NBA this season. What a terrible thing. Playing for the Detroit Pistons, the best club in the Eastern Conference. Cade Cunningham got a collapsed lung. But the news is good. The news is really positive. I didn't even know this was possible, and I'll get to it. Well, I guess I'll get to it right away.

They're calling this. I mean, I had a collapse. long when I was 14 years old. Same time period, Josh, when I was playing on that hockey team with the heartbreaker. And you mentioned how much it hurt, right? The kid who looked like Tom Petty, same time period. I was 14 when I had a collapse long. It was unbelievably painful.

How tough is it to breathe? I mean, do you feel like you can at all? This is it. It's like this. And people are probably going to joke around and text in like sex jokes. But this is as hard as I could breathe for a day and a half. tiny little Oh, shoot.

That's scary. Especially at that age, I can't even imagine. We had no idea what was going on. My folks were totally thrown when the doctor said he has a collapse long. They didn't, none of us saw it coming. But with Cade Cunningham, they're calling this an outpatient situation. It's a mild case of a pneumothorax. So it sounds like he can treat it with medication,

and rest, he just needs a little bit of his lung to heal itself. Wow. Because when I first read it, and with experience, with a collapsed long, I thought, oh, my God, I mean, he's going to be done for a month. But no, I've never heard of an outpatient collapsed lung. Didn't they say it's because he's so athletic, and that's a big part of why it's not going to be his minor? Well, it's more about the fact that the lung didn't collapse completely.

That's what happened to me. It was 85% collapsed. With Case Cunningham, I mean, being young and athletic, of course, helps anyone's recovery in any situation. But it's just because just a small amount of it, just a small amount of air has leaked out of his lung. Like I said, that was new to me. I thought if anyone had a collapse lung, you're done. You're on a hospital bed. They're cutting you open.

but not the case with this guy. The testes might still be okay then because they give them two to three weeks to recover from that. They've got 12, 13 games left, I think, in their season, and they've got like a four or five game lead for the top seat in the Eastern Conference that they'll probably be okay.

Yeah, they'll be fine for round one of the playoffs. I just think that that home court advantage for them is going to be so big. You know, they've had a great season, but they rely so much on Cunningham and Jaron Dern. Those guys have to play great for Detroit to be, you know, the best in the East. And now that Tatum is back in Boston, you know, the Celtics are making a run right now. And the Knicks are very good.

The East is a monster at this point. Look at Atlanta. They've won 11 straight games. And they're now out of the play-in and into the top six. So the Pistons are going to need everything. They're going to need to really like hold on to the end. But they're going to need Cunningham at 100%. And I don't know, Nick.

Can he be 100% in two weeks? 100% for a 14-year-old is not the same as a guy who's got to run up and down the floor for 38 minutes a night against the best athletes in the world playing basketball. It's going to be tough. There have been past examples, Past NBA players have had collapsed lungs. Gerald Wallace, 2008 plus 9, only wound up missing seven games.

Some cat named Terrence Jones 10 years ago collapsed a lung, NBA player, missed only six games. C.J. McCollum has had two collapsed lungs on two separate occasions. One was a severe case, kept him out 41 days, 18 games. The second was a little more mild. He missed 12 games. So, again, it sounds like this Cunningham kid has a very mild case. Here's a doctor that says if symptoms don't get worse, he follows up with us in two weeks to see that the lung has expanded on its own.

And in a young man like that, healthy and normal, he's going to be okay. Once I get to the playoffs, too, as we know, and we joke about a little bit on this show, they take two or three days between games. They're not playing back-to-backs anymore. so that'll help them a little bit too. Kingpin. But I will say, if you look at the Eastern Conference right now, every team in the top 10 is over 500.

Charlotte is 10, and they're two games over 500. The East is, they've got talent in the East right now, and I think all those playoff games are going to be battles in the East. It's looking that way. Kingpin Jesus texted in. He had four lung surgeries in his early 20s due to collapse lungs. He said, I wouldn't wish that. experience on my worst enemy and felt like I could only breathe through one lung. Yeah, see,

that was the concern when I had a collapse lung at 14 was that it would be a repeat thing. It would happen. And for some people, that's the case. Once you sink one of them, it kind of happens throughout your lifetime. I've been very lucky. I remember I was so excited to get the hell out of there. After I was in the hospital for a week, I was so excited. The doctor says, well, you know, there is a 51% chance. That it'll happen again. And I said, you, son of a bitch, why do you have to tell me that? Tell the parents that.

That was a hell of an experience. Oh, I took the biggest dump when I got out of there, I'll tell you. Did he refuse to use the pan? Yeah, I refused to use the bedpan. I just wouldn't do it. I wouldn't in a bucket in front of everybody. And you scared your father with what you produced, or at least the noises you were making? When they finally got me out of that bed, I hadn't walked in seven days, six days.

They got me out of that bed, walked me around the hospital a little bit. It was so funny how you have to relearn to walk. Yeah. How do some of these bad, some people who were in the hospital for weeks, months. Yeah. I was only in there for six days, and I couldn't remember how to walk. But once I got moving around, all that hospital food wanted out. I hadn't done anything in the bathroom in six days aside from taking number one.

And I went into the bathroom. My dad was the only one in the hospital room. I went into the bathroom, I shut the door, and I unleashed the madness upon that hospital. Through the other side of the door, I heard my dad say, son of a bitch, because I was making so much noise in there. What about you, Randy Shaver, when you were later? How did you find the audio of me? That's amazing.

I was going to say we'll get a chance to see the Pistons in person. Oh, yeah. Because they play the wolves twice in three games the end of this month in early April. So we'll see them without Kate Cunningham twice. I don't think Cunningham will be back by the time. They play them the second time. Pigs lost in Chicago, 2-1. Are they 0-1 since they fired your friend Rudy?

Yeah. Yeah. He actually pointed that out in our group. text last night. That's funny. I saw the, I know you probably told the story. I didn't understand the circumstances around that, but that's too bad that they let that guy go. Yeah, I went off on it for a few minutes on Wednesday.

Yeah. We got a lot of, let tax on it. And people noticed, like, how good he was, and he made some unique music choices. He was great. Absolutely awesome. It's just insane. You don't, like, I'm repeating myself on Wednesday. you don't treat people like that, especially people who have been doing that for 25 years

with a dozen games left to go in the season. That's too bad. Come on. 2-1 was your final last night in Chicago, and that snapped. That win by the Blackhawks snapped the NHL's longest active point streak for one team against, as they say in Canada, another. The Blackhawks were 018 and won in their last 19 games against the pigs. Their last victory over Minnesota was December.

of 20 and 19. So the pigs had owned, they asked, for a long stretch of time. That streak is over. Can you imagine if the North Stars had a streak like that against the Blackhawks in the day? It would have been?

Oh, that would have been amazing. The most violent scene. Before the drop of the puck. Well, you know, we just told a similar story. I was talking about the Valentine's Day massacre of 1981, where the North Stars were playing in Boston and Glenn Sondmore told the team before the game, he said, I have no interest in winning this game,

I want those bastards in the hospital. And the reason behind it was because the Bruins had beaten the North Stars something like 15 or 16 times in a row, and Glenn Sondmore was sick of it. He just said, I can't stand to watch it again. So put these guys in the emergency room and send a message. And it friggin worked. So back in the mid-80s, had the North Stars beating the Blackhawks 10, 11, 12 times in a row,

it would have been a stinking bloodbath. Yeah. That's how they solved problems back then. Yep. The Russian kid was scratched last night with a lower body injury. I don't know if anyone's concerned about that. Hopefully it's not serious.

The Dallas Stars play here tomorrow. Ooh, there you go. Yeah. Getting down to the nitty gritty. What? Left-handed specialist Jesus. Oh. Oh, okay.

I understand where he's going with this now. I was talking about my collapsed lung. He says, I live for 30 years with one lung. Well, what do you mean? You got another one now? Or you're 30 years old? Or you're 35 when this happened when you were five. I need more details because he says,

I lived for 30 years without a lung. Stop whining. You sound like baby nuts. Speaking of which. What happened? He got 60 last night. Oh, who cares? It's impressive.

Yes. And people in the opposing arena were chanting MVP. Yes, in Miami. It makes me sick. This is not a safe place to say things about, to say positive things. to say positive things about baby nuts.

I don't give a rat's ass about what that dude does. He's such a pain in the ass. He sucks. Oh, my God. Hey, left-handed specialist, Jesus, get back to me on this living 30 years with one lung. When did you lose one? How did it happen?

My dad lived to be 82. And, Josh, what's 82 minus 7? 75. He lived 75 of those years with only one. lung. And he dumped a lot of cigarettes on that one lung. He's working overtime. His brother shot him. His brother shot him. And it killed one of his lungs when he was a seven-year-old. On accident, right? Yeah, that's the, that's the whole mystery. We know how the born siblings get along. Yeah. My, uh, my uncle shot my dad and when he was

only, when he was only a seven-year-old. Jesus, what a hillbilly operation they had over there. But yeah, so he went 75 years on one. I'm looking forward to hearing your story. Left-handed specialist, Jesus. If I might, today is my father's birthday. He would have been, he would have been 96 today. Dude. And I think my dad could have gone heater to heater with your dad. Word. Yeah. Because that's what got him was the heaters. Heavy smoker. Yeah, he was, unfortunately. How long did he make it? That's what got my dad to. My dad died at 59. Oh, geez. Son of a bitch.

He was diagnosed with lung cancer in June and died in July. Oh, man. Yeah, he went fast. My youngest son is born on my dad's birthday. So it's my youngest son's birthday today. That's so special. But my dad, and he was a fireman, which was, you know, in those days, And, you know, Minnesota is full of volunteer firemen now, so they don't necessarily always sit at the station.

But what else do you have to do at the fire station? You're there for 24 hours on a shift. So my dad was, you know, constantly in the back, you know, outside of the patio, smoking a heater. Every time I'd come over after school when he's working, that's where he sat. Did he ever try to quit? Yes, he did. he actually got hypnotized, Nick. Oh, yeah.

And he tried. It lasted about a week and a half. And then... Really? Yeah. My mom smoked too. She actually quit cold turkey. I have to give her a lot of credit.

She made it until she was 75, and she died of cancer as well. But she quit cold turkey with my dad still smoking. They smoked in the house. Oh, yeah. I had smoke in the house and the car. Dude. I grew up with that.

Oh, yeah. No exactly you're talking about it. I enjoyed it, actually. Oh, my God. It was so bad. Really? I kind of like it. My mom laid down the hammer when she quit and said, if you want to smoke, fine, but you're going to do it outside.

And so in the middle of winter. Oh, yeah. My dad's in the, you know, sitting in the snowbank smoking a cigarette. Maybe women are just more strong-willed with. that kind of stuff because my mom and dad quit smoking at the same time and my mom i mean that was years ago now probably more than a decade and my mom has never gone back doesn't like the smell never craves it but my dad has gone back and forth plenty of times most of us dudes have very little willpower but when i walk when i walk into a house or like a bar in wisconsin and it's thick

with cigarette smoke it kind of i it brings me back to childhood i kind of enjoy it my parents used to do it in the garage they had like this little table out of there with four chairs and I think about it how crazy it is that me and my brother would just like go out there just you know inhaling the secondhand smoke I know what you're talking about though Randy I had four adult smokers I grew up with and it was in the house in the car everything and I used to get in trouble for smoking quite often and I never smoked cigarette my life people just smelled it on me and assumed I was lying did you did you also enjoy secondhand smoke I loved it I didn't think about it I was just used to it was always there I liked it when I was a kid

Now, just because I'm not around it as much anymore, it makes me sick. But it always kind of made me feel like, oh, I'm home. Okay, so left-handed specialist has gotten back to us now on this. He's lived, he has now lived for 30 years with one lung. He said a year and a half ago, he had a double lung heart and kidney transplant. Wow. One lung stopped working because of scar tissue from previous surgeries. Wow, what a story.

Glad you're doing all right. Yeah. Congrats on the second life. What else is going on? I like this conversation, though. Yeah, my old man tried to quit a few times. He tried acupuncture. I don't know if he was ever hypnotized.

Yeah. He tried the patch, that patch that you stick on you. Yeah. They didn't have that back in the day. No. That was fun to watch. One particular weekend, my dad said, okay, I'm not going to smoke any cigarettes on this ice fishing trip.

And we thought, wow, that's a trap. by fire, right? Can he bring a backup pack just in case? Oh, he brought like two cartons with just in case. But, you know, so we're all drinking and carrying on. That's where it's most difficult to not fall into your bad habits when you're drinking and habit. So it was really fun.

So he made it through day one. And we're all, you know, sleeping in the fish house together. And I watched him sit up on day two. He sits up in his bunk and he's like, what's the word I'm looking for, Josh? He's rustling through his overnight bag like something's on fire. right and he's like son of a bitch and he finds that stupid patch right that nicotine

patch and of course he's not wearing a shirt he rarely ever did and he slaps the patch onto his shoulder and he goes oh yeah that's the stuff right there oh my gosh he was exaggerating you know but he was trying his best the other and Big Al likes to tell this story too

he was trying to quit smoking again this was a fishing trip but this was in the summer and we're all sitting in the garage drinking and doing what we do, and he's just shaking like a leaf on a tree. He picked a stick up off the ground and lit it on fire and took a drag off of it. He had to have something. He had to

smoke something. Just that hand motion. So he lit, he lit like a branch from a tree. He was sucking on it as hard as he could. Give me something. Come on. I'll tell you kind of a, I think about this on this day with my dad. My mom tells

the story in like the last couple of hours of his life. The nurse was asking him, is there anything that you need? And my dad said, can I have two cigarettes? And so she gave him to him. And she asked, what do you want them for? And she goes, he goes, I want to smoke one now and smoke one later. And, of course, he never smoked either one.

But it was just kind of a symbolic way of him leaving this world with a couple of cigarettes in his pocket. Yep. That's good stuff. Oh, what are we doing now? So it's spring break for the college kids already? Is that what's going on? First school, yeah. Yeah, it's kind of a little all over the place, it seems. Oh, sure. Spring break.

High school next week, too, yeah. Young people are bound to do something stupid on spring break. The starting place kicker for Florida State's football club got himself arrested while on spring break in Fort Lauderdale. And it sounds like this kid really wet his pants big time. 20-year-old kid by the name of McAnanee or something silly like that. 2.30 in the morning he wouldn't leave the bar when ordered to. They say here he was uncooperative and violent.

He had been removed from several bars that evening for causing similar disturbances. They finally sent the cops after him. He wrestled the cops all over the sidewalk. A cop had to punch this kid in the yap twice. His mugshot shows it, by the way. He's got a split lip. Yep. They punched him in the face twice.

He still fought. I mean... I got to be honest. As a kicker, that's pretty impressive. Yeah. But he's done. He's going to be done. They're charging him with battery.

Battery on a police officer, resisting an officer with violence. Probably going to end up in the spin dry. Wow. 20-year-old kid kicking on a major college ball club. You're probably not going to be the kicker there next year, I'm guessing. No, that's what I'm talking about. He's done. He's done, yeah.

What does this say? Tech's coming in. Oh, okay. Heather the tricycle, Jesus. His doctor said to him, if you don't stop smoking, you're going to die. And I said, well, Doc, if I quit smoking, everyone else is going to die. We talk about being in that hospital bed, you know, at the ass end. Alistair texted in and said, his parents, okay.

So his dad was laid out in the hospital bed, final days kind of a thing. And he was on his way to try to see his dad before the end. He walked into the room and the bed was empty and he said to the nurse, well, he's, you know, Donnie Mick Dyingson. Is he not, you know, where's my dad? And the nurse said, I'm sorry, he passed. And dude asked the nurse, did he have any last words? And the nurse said, no, your mother was in here the whole time.

Oh, God. God. Baseball season is closing in quick. I'm sure we'll get some stories. Next week. Yes, starts on Wednesday. Oh, really? Geez.

Hi, God. Well, yeah, Dana brought that up yesterday. Couldn't believe it. Can't wait. Can't wait. Do the twins start on Wednesday, Thursday? No, I think they're Thursday. Thursday. They are in Baltimore on Thursday. Must win? Must win.

Set the tone early? Absolutely. I love it. The twins are tied with Tampa with the worst spring training record, not just in Grapefruit League, but in the Arizona League as well. Oh, good. You know what? On Thursday, Randy, everybody's zero. for at least today. 8, 16, and 1.

I'm sure we'll get some stories this summer involving the 9-99 challenge. It really took off in popularity last year at ballparks where every inning you drink a Steve Weiser and you eat yourself a hot dog.

And then the next day, you're on your own in figuring out how much blood in your stool is too much blood in your stool. One day I want to get absolutely just blitzed out of my mind and tried to do this. Letter Buck, Ashley.

You're going to get drunk before you do that? No, I'm going to get high. Oh, get high. Yeah. Getting high will help. I was going to do the 9-9 challenge, but I got high. Yeah, I'd forget. It'd be like inning four.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, I got to have my second hot dog. No, Ashley. The New York Metropolitan's and their ballpark are the first big league club that I know about to recognize the 9-99-gimmig. with an official 9-99 meal deal at the ballpark. Smart. That's very smart to lean into it.

I don't have the cost of such a thing. And in an effort to avoid a lawsuit, this is going to let a lot of us down. The deal features mini dogs and mini beers. They're not standard size. That makes sense. Yeah, they don't want a 21-year-old kid to vomit and die in the walkway at the box. Joking on hot dogs. Do you have to pay in advance?

I believe so, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What are you saying? Well, you pay up front. Yeah. Based on some of the emails I've been getting from the twins, because when you buy tickets, you're on their email list. They're having a little trouble selling tickets to the home opener.

Oh, no, they'll offer to bury a body for you at this point. They haven't emailed me like every day, called me every day. Yeah, I've been getting those two. I almost kind of feel bad. Me too. Like, hey, I can tell you don't want. want to get back to me. I'll leave you alone for a while. Yeah. So it's a cute

deal. It's fun that they're recognizing this trend, but they're not standard-sized Frankfurters. There's some little quarter-sized effing, and it appears to be like a six-ounce beer or something like that. And it probably is $417.

But anyway, it's fun that they're Yeah. Someone else has texted in about another type of a challenge. One Zin, one beer and one hot dog. Oh, God. And we've been talking about tobacco this one.

That's like a fake tobacco chint thing. It's something like that. Yeah, it's nicotine. It doesn't have tobacco in it. Yeah, I see it all the time. They're like little white packets. Yeah, my husband uses them. One zin, one beer and one hot dog per inning.

But they don't seem like, I mean, maybe he's a weird, terrible person without them, but it doesn't seem like it affects him in a way that, like a cigarette would people. What do you mean? I don't know. It doesn't seem like he really. gets a buzz. Well, he probably doesn't get a buzz anymore, but your husband's been a regular chewer for a long time?

Yeah, only those. Only his name. Trust me. Oh, only, he never chewed real tobacco? I don't believe so. Oh, then he doesn't count. He might have tried it when he was younger like everybody does and then found these and we're like, yeah, this is better. Well, I mean, if you're trying to compare it to cigarette smoking, let me tell you that we need our habit just as bad as cigarette smokers do. But I've been horsing around with some of that fake worm dirt Is that the stuff that you've been showing us that has like cardboard in it?

Yeah, it's got big chunks of things in it. Yeah, somebody threw it away. You gave me basically a branch that you found in there. It's insane. Like if you accidentally swallowed that, it would slice open your throat. I think the gimmick is when they sweep up the floors at the tobacco factory, that's what they put in this can and then sell it to you as. That's not actually a bad thought.

Plenty of companies do that kind of thing, right? The fake chew, yeah. They'll just change the name. I've been trying my best with the fake chew worm dirt type of operation. It's not easy. But we want it just as bad as the cigarette smokers do. Somebody said, one zin every inning, my foreskin would hurt the next day. That's not where you put it.

Tuck it right in the old, the old turtle neck. No. That's not what you do at all. I like turtles. Talk about a buzz. Your husband never chewed the real thing, but he's hooked on Zinn. He's got to be the only guy in town that's chewing fake stuff that never chewed the real stuff. That is strange.

I mean, maybe I just haven't paid attention. Maybe he did at one point when he was younger and then just said that stuff sucks. You got cubby over here vaping and I say, hey, trying to quit cigarettes? No, cigarettes. What are you talking about? Never had one of my life. Yeah, I'll have to ask him. I never touch that stuff.

Yeah. Bad for you. No, no, never, never. You guys go out and have yourself a terrific weekend, Randy Schaber, Brad Rider. Thank you. And I hope your significant other's brackets turn into garbage. Garbage, I say. And with that, talk to you next week.

The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should, too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke-slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki.

He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. This pod is about to be crazy.

I don't even know what's going to happen. This is full send. It's just like a boy's scrap. Join the party. We threw like a spontaneous party. Out of nowhere is crazy. And we pulled off a crazy prank. Prinks, parties, and viral culture at its wildest.

Just seeing like the guys that you brought in and like seeing their different personalities and stuff, it's been entertaining, dude. This could be the greatest content build of all time, bro. The full send podcast. Dude, let's get ready to rumble. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's do it. The 93x half-ass morning show. Oh, sure.

Friday. don't care welcome back to the programmington usually Covey I have the bad habit of saying programsky today I went programmington what do you make of it? Oh it's kind of fancier I like that yeah you do you know a variety it's the spice of life I like to add that to the end of people's names sometimes

ington yeah yeah I don't care so a lot of folks are falling out sick these days whether it be that damned Norwegian lung worm that I call or something similar. Hell, I went to a pal's house last night, six or eight gibronies sitting around, draining a few cold ones.

Half the crowd had a terrible cough. If you're up against it right now, we'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers. That's also kind of just like an older people thing, right? They always have coughs. Maybe you're on to something. Coffing into the handkerchief and stuff? That's how you tell someone's age?

Oh, they're over 30. They're coughing const. Well, again, you know, we did have a long conversation when Randy Schaeber and Brad Ryder were in the mix. We had a long conversation about smoking. And certainly, my parents' generation, yeah. They all did. Everybody had a smoker's hack. I had that terrible cough because of the Norwegian lungworm for a month and a half, maybe.

At least. I can't understand how my dad lived with his smokers. hack for 40 years, 40 years. And it was ungodly when he would cut loose with it. So older people, certainly the older people from our parents' generation, yeah, they all kind of looked sick, acted, sick, cough, sneezing. They all looked 30 years older than they were. Oh, yeah. Today's older people, or maybe you're doing better. You know, sometimes some of that silly exercise can help keep you upright and healthy. Is it worth it?

I don't know, but it's a real thing. Exercise can help a pimp stay healthy. What are some of the exercises that you folks do? What's your regimen? I carry my 20-pound sundar-round. Again with the baby. That's all I need to do. I'm going to be buff.

I suppose you just steps in with that 20-pound weight in your hand? That's good. You're going to be buff on one side. Oh, no, I switch. I switch it up just in case. You don't do any exercising of any other nature? Nope. Dana, your exercise routine.

It's been bad lately. I'm thinking about changing that, though. Cubby. I do a lot of tantric stuff with my partner. I do the treadmill every day and I do push-ups every day. That's why I'm so swole. I even exercise a little bit. What?

Yeah. What are you doing? Well, when you're 54 years old with a heart condition and the doctor says, you need to do something? I do. That's what got me to. Oh, you picked up mall walking. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we've been slumming it, sloughing off. We've been sloughing off on that lately. My wife and I became very enthusiastic mall walkers a couple of months ago. We haven't been back in a while. We've got to get back after that. I enjoy the hell out of mall walking. Yeah, you start when you get to a certain age, I mean, I want to be around and just see once my kids realize how miserable life can be. I want to see that on them when just when like the enthusiasm drains and you can just see that seep out year after year.

Dude, it has nothing to do with wanting to be there for your grandchildren or anything. No, you want to see them wither away. No, that's fine. They can do whatever they want. Cubby wants to see these ungrateful friggin' kids of his get a taste of real misery. Yeah, you start paying the bill. Good for you. No, obviously, like you said, Ashley, I want to be around for all that.

And my doctor was so insistent that I pick up the pace on working out that it kind of freak me out. Again, who are these people in your life that keep deeming you to be so unhealthy? Your wife says you're not flexible. You comment on my weight. Your weight is a little iffy at a time. You never smoked. You never drink. You eat relatively.

Who is the doctor that's telling you this? My primary care physician. You need a new one. You're going to live forever. Is his paperwork upside down or something? It doesn't make any sense. Okay, exercise. I told you guys, he was weird about it.

Like, seriously, man. You got to get more exercise. You brought it up like three times. Tell I got to blow you because you don't need that speech. Sir, I don't know how good my insurance is, but if it's covered, blow me. Right. I don't get it. I mean, look at you. You're as thin as a high school kid. I don't understand why you have these people telling you. Over the years, we have come up with some sideways ideas for new ways to work out. Like the first thing that came to mind for me was that hand job machine. What was the proper name for that hand job? Shake weight.

Those commercials were funny. They knew what they were doing. You thought immediately that was an S&L thing. Or maybe whoever came up with it was the most innocent person in the entire world. Did they make a billion dollars with the shake weight? A million? They had to have. Right?

Well, at least it seemed like maybe nobody ever bought them, but it seemed like it was popular. When I was younger and I'd go over to like my girlfriend's houses, their mom's always had those. Is that right? Yep. Oh, yeah. Because then we'd play with it because it's fun. It's funny. It was so silly.

Maybe someone can look it up. How did shake weight do to the? Are they all? Was that South Park that had that funny episode for the shakeweight? Are the shakeweight people all living on the high side of town? So a shakeweight made about $40 million.

Wow. In sales, it's first year. Lick me down. All right. That was the first thing that came to mind for some of these past bizarro ideas for working out exercise, staying healthy. For me, it's the,

I forgot what it's called, but the one where you're standing on a contraption, and then there's the rubber band around your waist, and it just shakes you. That's right. I remember that from Peewee's Playhouse. I don't know if there was a specific name for it here, Josh, but it's mentioned in this conversation, the vibrating belt machine. It looks so stupid, and I've wanted, like, how in the world would that ever do anything other than scramble your inside? It kind of reminds me of those things that are really popular now.

They're called jigglers. So it's like a little... It's jugglers and they use them at birthday parties. Is that what you're referring to? No, but close, I think. So it's a little pad that you stand on and it's just jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, and it's supposed to be good for, I guess, like, your blood flow, stuff like that. It's supposed to help you use the restroom.

Which leads me to tell you this. I got one of those pigs in my living room. How does it work? I like it? My wife rides it. Go ahead. Get cute with that. I stood on it when it wiggled, and it's a very weird sensation.

My wife bought herself the wiggler. Is it called a power plate? I don't know. Smokes your mom's pot, Jesus said. I'm not exactly sure, but it's exactly what Ashley described. It's a sting, it's a pad, you stand on it, and it jiggles the living hell out of you, and it's supposed to, I wrote it for about 30 seconds, and strangely enough, I felt it in my friggin' legs afterward. I was going to ask, is it like, is the goal to try and stand straight so it works your core muscles?

I don't know. I just know it's plugged in in my living room. It's something that my wife wanted. She bought it. I stood on it for 15 to 30 seconds. I wish I could tell you more, Cubby, but that's all I know is it jiggled me. And I did feel kind of funny afterwards, and it was only 20 seconds. And it's supposed to, like, kind of wake you up, too.

It's really hot right now all over the Internet, like influencers. The Wiggler's so hot right now. Yeah. I've never seen. it. Yeah, I hadn't heard of it either until it ended up at the door. I'm surprised your wife doesn't use something like that. I could see her definitely being in that. Maybe she does, and I don't know. Just move someplace with a lot of earthquakes and you can get it for free. The vibrating belt machine, I think that cut loose in the 50s. I think I actually watched Lucille Ball use the vibrating belt machine on an old episode of I Love Lucy.

But the idea was you put the belt around and it shakes your insides upside down and somehow that was a, All right, so I've got a text here saying you stand on those jiggle plates, the vibration plate, someone else said they're called. It improves blood flow and you lock your core while standing on it. So yeah, I'm sure, just to try and stay straight, you're going to have some abs of steel. It was weird when I tried it. Okay, back to cigarettes here. There was a cigarette diet many, many, many years ago. Well, remember, like, you've probably seen these, too, like pictures of old magazines where doctors are smoking and recommending the health benefits.

this one. Yeah, it curbs your appetite. Really weird. There were ads that suggested smoking as a way to stay thin. Reach for a lucky strike instead of a... That's what my dad smokes. A stick of butter. There you go, yeah.

All right, so we did have the name wrong. Smoke wrench, Jesus said the vibrating machine we're thinking of. It's called a Sibian. No. Do you ever seen those some bitches? Yeah, Howard Stern had one in the studio. I saw that. I mean, I mean, does that work?

It seemed like it worked on everybody. Maybe they faked it. Don't watch, I mean, watch the real Sibian movies. Oh, that what he had wasn't the same? Oh, I'm sure not to me. He probably couldn't show everything. You understand where I'm going with this? I don't remember.

If you want to watch a Sibian machine, machine happen, go to a porno channel. Don't watch what. Oh, yeah. It was even a little much for me on Stern. I don't want to watch any. See the real thing. I've seen women's, the tops of their heads just blow off. At one point or another

At one point or another Doctors were pushing Are we talking about back in the Game of Thrones days Arsenic and tape worms People would eat parasites to lose weight? I don't have a time frame here

But that sounds like something from the dark ages People still do that Back when they used to Back when they used to pound a hole in your head And bleed you out or put frigging the leeches on your body. That's something about parasites. You eat them and they'll eat everything inside you

and you won't gain any weight. You'll stay fit. And then you'll, you know, die. I've heard that. At least you die skinny. Yeah. Make it pretty corpse. So what do you mean people still do this? Yeah, you can like, people will yeah, like consume a tapeworm. Really? Yeah. I can't even imagine. I'd rather

be overweight. 100%. The sauna suit. Okay. This rings a Oh, I remember those. You have one of those, right? Dana, or your wife had, or is it different than the suit? Oh, no, a sauna suit is something you wear, and it makes you, like, really hot and you just sweat. We live next to a kid that was a high school wrestler, and he would run and look like a space suit.

It's a big kind of look like tinfoil wrapped around just to sweat weight out before he had a match. All the high school wrestlers use those. Dude, that's just insane to me what they have to do. I can never understand wrestling. They wouldn't even come to the lunchroom during lunchtime because they'd be too tempted to eat something. They would just go lie in the dark in the wrestling room. Dude, I had a buddy when I was in high school that was he was on the wrestling team. And at the time, I was struggling with an eating disorder.

And he did, like the way he lived his life was exactly how I did with my eating disorder. I was like, dude, I think there's a line here in that you've definitely crossed it. And I think you need to get some help. Like, this is not right. I asked the buddy because he literally just barely eat the bare minimum. And I said to him, I'm like, how often you poop? He goes, three times. I'm like, a day, a week, a season.

A season? Mm-hmm. This is someone with an eating disorder? No, a rest of the guy on the wrestling team. Oh, a guy on the wrestling team. Yeah, the sauna suit. Okay. As we're rolling through some of the past fitness fads, I guess, is one way to say it.

The sauna suit, you wrap yourself in some kind of. kind of a silver trash bag looking thing, and you sweat out all the toxins, Josh, and water weight. The modern version, I guess, of this idea, is the infrared sauna. Oh, yeah, my wife wants one. You sit in a sauna and the light and the heat and the body and the this and that. She wants to put a sauna in the house? She wants one.

You can get one of those little infrared sonnas if you want. Oh, so you don't have to build a sauna in your house. Oh, you can buy one, like a pre-assembly. She'll be sitting in... A friend of mine's an electrician. He installs them all the time, he said. Oh, cool. Like hot tubs for a while?

He was installing a lot of those. Your wife will maybe in the future be sitting in some kind of a hot cage. She likes that kind of thing. I would be miserable. I was in a sauna once. I hated it. Sondas are terrible. They make people vomit.

Hot tubs too, not a fan. They make everyone vomit. You know who else will make you sweat, Josh? CNC music factory. Heck yeah. Yeah. We got to take a break. We've got a couple of jams.

We got more of these fitness fans. They had things that make you go. That's the other one I know. They had, what was the one? Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Oh, that's not things. No, that's not. Everybody danced now?

Everybody danced now. Okay, there's a couple. Okay, there's a couple. We're all in terrific shape here on the 93X half-fast morning show. Don't worry about us. We've been talking about the various ways that people exercise, the various ways people work out. And there have been some odd effing ideas over the years as how to keep yourself in shape. That big old stupid vibrating belt machine.

There was a cigarette diet. Some folks used to, and Ashley tells us, they still eat tapeworms, and then tapeworm eats your dinner for you and you don't gain any way. Some folks put on a sauna suit. By the way, I received a couple of text messages here at the radio station. And personally, Josh, I received a personal text message. That's fun. I don't get those.

From the Clayboy. Oh, yeah, I love the Clayboy. Living legend, Princeton, Minnesota, Clay Matvick, world class ESPN sports announcer. He texted me and said, don't forget about the thigh master. Oh, yes. Suzanne Summers, is that hers? Yeah. She made a lot of money on that one.

Sure did. The thigh master, you'd open. Yeah, boy. Flavor Flav loves the thigh mask. Is he endorsed the, you open and close your legs with this. thing in there and it strengthens your... Very suggestive. I've mentioned this before.

The Thymaster became such a thing. The ads were constant on television. And then come 1990, maybe the finest metal band to ever live, Megadeth releases their record Rust in Peace. One of the greatest albums of all time. With the song Five Magics, right? And in the song, Dave Mustain says,

I Master Five. magics. Every time I listen to the song, the record's been out for 38 years, I think that he's saying Thymaster. Instead of I'm...

Someone texted it in and they reminded me that I am also working out by breastfeeding. It's like the equivalent of walking like seven miles a day. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't know. How much they take from you? Heck yeah. F me running.

Yeah, I have to drink like those insure drinks with, you know, the extra calories, the meal supplements, in order to not perish away. Sideways. I had no idea. Yeah, I'm working out. I'll take that up as a hobby then. Breastfeeding?

It's a lot of calories for you. For Ashley, she's the one giving those calories out. Five magics. All right, here are some of these other bizarreo exercise ideas that we've come up with over the years. I wish you didn't bring up Rust in peace. I know. I can't wait to Hanger 18. Oh, God.

That's probably... I know what you guys are doing after the show. And I have to say, Josh, Hanger 18 is probably my least favorite song on the record. Well, that's not a... You're not ripping the record. Right. If that's the worst song on the record, that's pretty good. There was something along the lines of prancer size.

This was viral a number of years ago. And it, I guess, according to what I'm reading, grown people would rhythmically walk around town mimicking a horse's gate this was called prancer size oh I'd love to just close line somebody's doing that

did anybody I'd rather just be overweight did anyone see this in person no I never even heard of it I've seen videos of prancercising lord and it says here it was the precursor to something called the hot girl walk I don't have any idea with that Yeah, my daughter would go on hot girl walks.

Her and her friends basically just go on walks. What does it look like? It was a part of Hot Girl Summer. Hot Girls going on a walk. It's just kind of a jokey term. I see, I see. Girls going, I've said jockey a lot today. Just going on walks together.

Okay, I understand now. It's a joke. Prancer's size was a real thing. Hot Girl Walk is just girls going for a... Don't forget about eight-minute abs. That's too long. And then finally, because we've got to get going here shortly, eight-minute abs.

I remember that bit. Oh, yeah, I bought the ab dolly on television. Oh, yeah. A little wheelie thing? Worked beautifully. I bet it did. Endorsed by former NFL quarterback Jake Plummer. It was three o'clock in the morning.

I was very drunk. I was watching television. And Jake Plummer, who at the time, I think, was quarterbacking the Arizona Cardinals. this is late 90s. He came on my television and told me the benefits of the ab dolly. And I bought the bitch. And it's only recently that I finally got rid of it. Because it hurts my back too much.

But as a young person, that worked. Finally, jazzercise is brought up. Boy, that was popular for a while there. You dance around to music? I'd love to do that. That sounds fun. Jazzercise? Yeah.

Maybe you could find some place that doesn't. Is it going to be me and like a bunch of older people that? Yes. You know what, that's fine. I like it that way, actually. I like when I walk into the yoga studio and it's me and just a bunch of old people. Then I don't have to, like, compare. I don't, because if I walk into a place and it's just a bunch of babes,

I'm like, oh. But when the old folks start outworking you, then you're going to have to compare, and you're not going to like that comparison. It's mostly the men. And the old folks have a harder time keeping the flatulence in. Well, it's not that they have a harder time. They just don't care. Yeah, I suppose.

There's plenty of jazzercise around town, Ashley. Cool. Jazzercise, Josh. Would you say that that more or less was invented by Richard Simmons? Yeah, what was his? Sweating to the oldies? You're just working out to music, right? It could be.

That seemed like he had a form of jazzercise. Aerobics. You're combining a bunch of different aerobics. Yeah. And finally here, not Debo, who when he comes riding down the street with his bicycle, not his bicycle, it actually belongs to Red, and Red's dad. It's got that squeak to it. hear it coming. When Debo comes down, you got to hide all your jewelry and whatnot.

I'm not talking about Debo. I'm talking about Tybo. Is that Billy Blanks? Yeah, he was big into that, right? Yeah, and he was in a movie with Roddy, Roddy Piper. What was that movie called? Sorry, I missed that some bitch. Was that we live or they die or I live? They're alive. They live. What was the one with Roddy Piper with a chewing gum? I hate that friggin' lying because people still use it and it's not funny.

Is that the one? The Thai bow was cardio boxing, Josh. Oh, that sounds exhausting. That kind of thing. It does sound exhausting. Hey, before we go, I know you guys were singing the swan song for Hooters earlier. Yeah. Got another text message here from somebody or another who says,

how about a shout out to the Godfather's Pizza in Brooklyn Park? They're closing this Sunday after 40 stinking years. Oh, I didn't hear that. That's too bad. Thanks. Dang it. Godfathers. Everybody have a terrific weekend.

That's some good times of Godfathers. Oh, delicious. I got a shout out Nugget. He's going fishing with Dad today. Dad, Concrete Jesus. So hope you guys slay him. Happy birthday to Q turning 78 from Grotech Jesus. Happy 62nd to sit down, Waldo, Jesus.

Happy birthday tomorrow to yanking tank and pushing crank Milkman, Jesus. And have an awesome weekend, you sexy bastard or lady bastard. The 93-Hags Half-Azed Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, pimp? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too.

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