93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Hey Morons

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

Originally Aired May 27, 2026: Chainsaw-assraw. I'll Give You Some Vitamin D. Everything you wanna know about chess boxing. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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You're beautiful. You have a beautiful body. And we so appreciate you tuning into our little radio show. Check them out, Josh. Those are a couple of hot pods out there. Did you see that one? Yes, I did. Holy heck.

Yes, I did. We are broadcasting live from Zimmerman, Minnesota. No, we're not. No, we're here in the studios. Speaking of heat, hotter than the blazes yesterday, going to be a hot one today. I guess this is it, Covey. Summer is here. What do you make of all that?

Well, you know, my answer would have been different two days ago. I was telling you off air earlier. So I mentioned this yesterday. I had to go in for a blood test. and one of the things they tested was for vitamin D. And my vitamin D levels are crazy low. Oh, no. Crazy low.

By the way, go ahead, 651, 989, 93, if you can help me with some vitamin D. If you got some vitamin D for it. I'm kind of hoping that just this wants vitamin D or just a letter D can be set out loud and we get zero reaction. Well, I think it's coming in. I got frigging high hopes that the text machine doesn't even. Twitch. So you went to the doctor, they took your blood. Yeah, I got the test yesterday. They check it out. They, they're vitamin D. You want, you bottomed out on that. Yeah, it's real, real low.

And so I, because you don't get any sun. Right. I was going to say, I googled then, like, how do you get some vitamin D? Right? And I knew the son had something to do with it. But like, the number one thing said, son, and I thought, who would have thought my avid endorsement life would come back and haunt me? So watch, I'm going to go outside once. and I'm going to get skin cancer, the most unlikely person to get it. There's nothing you can do about that by taking a pill? Well, there's supplements, but they just talked about the most effective is getting sun. Going outside, getting.

And there's certain foods that I'm not too interested in eating, but there's really not a lot of stuff. The sun seem to be the best. Interesting. And supplements are. Go for a walk, bro. Oh, I got so much crap from my wife yesterday. I go outside every day. I do on the way to the car from here.

I thought you and the wife do regular walks. Not super regular. She's gone quite a bit. I mean, you know, she doesn't like to go outside if it's cold. And I suppose if you do walk together, it's probably in the evening. Correct? Oh, yeah, when she gets home from her. Right.

So then probably a little different than taking a walk at high noon, right? As far as getting that sun and loading up on that vitamin D. Well, I mean, that's how you're built. You're an endorsement. Josh, I can tell you from experience, though, don't overdo it with the vitamin D. At the start of the pandemic when I was still going into my old station, my old job, I was getting these horrible, like, side aches, and I didn't know what the heck was going on. So I called the doctor.

I'm on the phone with him. And he's asked me if I had changed anything in my diet. I said, no, not really. And then I go, oh, well, you know, just. just to try to stay healthy. I've been having a lot of vitamin C. And he goes, well, how much are we talking? And I go, well, you know those like fizzy emergency packets?

And he goes, yeah, yeah. He goes, you've been having those? I go, yeah. He goes, how many? I've been having like six eight a day. That's so much. He goes, are you kidding me? One of those a week is more than enough.

You are killing yourself with vitamin C. You've got to knock that off, man. Dude, that is, that is so much. And those aren't cheap. Really? Yeah. I used to choke down four or five of those. a day too.

Oh my God, guys. I know. I just thought like you couldn't, I mean, it's a good thing for you, whether you can't have too much of a good thing. Read the directions. It says right on there not to have, I think, more than one or two a day. We don't, we don't, we bro's normally don't read the direction. You're not fine print kind of guys.

I thought I was doing myself my body of favor, but he was telling me, like, your organs could be getting close and shutting down with how much vitamin C you're getting. It does that kind of damage? Yeah, you can have too much vitamin D as well. Too much of anything is a bad for that. Moderation, I've heard that word before. That's funny because I kind of fell in love with the taste of that stuff. Yeah, it's good.

I got sick seven, eight years ago, and I was told to drink a couple of those, right? Little powdery packets. And I kind of got hooked on them. They kind of tasted like high sea. Yeah, they did. I think I, oh, no, tang. Tang, I'm sorry. They kind of tasted like tang to me.

Just a crazy expensive tang. Let's see if the text machine reacts to us discussing the taste of Tang. Well, a lot of people are saying they gave vitamin D to my mom. They don't have anything left over for me. Your mother is loaded with vitamin D. So I thought it tasted like Tang. And so I also was bombing down four or five of those a day. I didn't know it was so horrible.

I had heard you tell that story before. Dr. He was like straight at making fun of me. He was like, are you a moron? I mean, you should have become like the spokesman for, I don't. don't know, the soft drink, tang, you should have become the spokesman for them. Were you just glowing orange? Well, yeah, and the thing is, I was proud of myself, too.

I'm like, look at me taking care of myself. Like, look at this. Like, you know, a lot going on in the world. I'm still going in. I'm taking care of myself, taking care of my body. You try to do something right, and you over did it. And then I said, okay, screw it. I'll stick to vodka then. Yeah, summer is here.

I'm waxed and I'm waxed, Cubby, and I'm bound and determined to make this a hot boy summer. Remember that slogan a few years ago? Waxed and vaxed? Yeah. I forgot about that. That one killed me. Five, six years ago, when the pandemic came to town and then it kind of started to ease up a little bit. I forgot who the hell it was. But somebody I was out with some buddies and some dude said, I'm waxed and I'm vaxed and I'm ready for a hot boy summer.

Little that I know, he swiped that off the internet. That wasn't his own creation. Yeah, that's great. I thought that was funnier in all hell. Yeah, a lot of people are saying, thank you for your text, saying you got to take the supplements. And a few people are recommending everybody take them just because, and it did mention this part of the country, you know, we, the sun's a little different, right? We don't get as much. And certainly in the winter, people are staying indoors unless you work outdoors.

Yeah, I take vitamin D every day. You bottomed out on vitamin D. Yeah. The doctor read your blood and said you need. Yeah. I mean, it's like all in red. There's a big, there's exclamation points. there's a referral to somebody who makes wills.

I mean, it's like it was standing out big time. You're on your way out. But you can take a pill. Yeah. Well, like sometimes it says they're not super effective. Other websites said, yeah, it works out. I take every day I take magnetism. That's not it.

Magnesium. Oh, I think I just started that. It's great for you. I was told it was good for my heart. Yeah, I had a doctor put me on a few different things. Oh, man. People are saying, just go mow the lawn. Well, I do, but that's like once a week, you know, once every couple weeks, depending on the time of year.

Take the pill for Christmas. Oh, yeah, I will, yeah. I think you're going to be fine. I think you'll make her. Because what would you rather have, Josh? What would you rather have? Every, I don't know, every few months you go to the doctor and they bust your balls about vitamin D? Or would you rather have friggin' sunburn?

I think I'd rather have my doctor get on my case about vitamin D than sunburn. Right, I'm with you on that. So what? I'll take the pill. Yeah, take the pill. You like being sunburn? Yeah, I don't know. Like, I like that like warm feeling.

She's into pain. And then I like, you know, going inside and like the ACs on, you're a little extra cold, so you got to put on some comfy, cozy clothes. I don't know. I just love the whole. Did she say, Ashley, once you used to go tanning in like cano oil or something or olive oil? Oh, when I was younger, yeah. And I had no idea about how to take care of your skin.

I'm a little better about it now. Sunburn, it hurts so good. Yeah, I would put, like, baby oil or vegetable oil on to go outside and tan. Oh, my poor skin. He's cooking like a piece of chicken. Yeah. I don't miss those days when I was totally uneducated on skin protection, sun protection, whatever the term might be. You know, being a Irish kid.

pasty I would just get hammered I would hammer myself until I had horrible sunburn and then was never bright enough to change anything about my routine until I was much, much older and somebody got on my case and said,

look, you know, you got to do something about this. He can't be standing out in a boat for six, eight hours in the sun. I mean, I don't know about you, Cubby, but I had to learn my lesson about a hundred times before I realized I got to put about that. I got to put pretty much the 40 grit sunblock on my body.

Oh, I'm very inexperienced. Yeah, I mean, did you screw the pooch many times over before? I just did a couple weeks back when we were in San Diego. I don't know why. Why does it take so long for us to learn our lesson on that? I got like dumb sunburns, right? Like we were outside, the majority of the time, really. But like the tops of my ears got sunburned, the back of my neck.

And like when I was sitting, I must have. It got like in a weird spot on my leg, just one area. So it's the dumbest sunburn of all time. I pour that 40 grit all up and down my body. When we go out on the boat. By the way, the wife and I haven't been able to sell the boat yet, so I think we're going to have to keep that pig for one more summer. Can't you just like...

You want to hit Big Island with me and see if we can become sugar daddies? Heck yeah. Can't you just dump that by the side of the road or something like that? Yeah, that's coming. They let you do that, I think. That's coming. Just put a free boat sign on it? Yeah, when I was a kid.

Well, of course, my folks were never the type of parents to say, okay, make sure you have your sunblock, make sure you have your this or that before we went outdoors because they didn't care. So I just hammered myself, sunburned myself up and down until I probably was in my early 30s before I finally committed to protecting my skin when I go outdoors, out on a lake, things like that.

Just stupid. Because sunburn. even though Ashley thinks it hurts so good. Sunburn is horribly painful. I guess I'm not talking about like the really, really bad ones. Oh, I know what you mean. You know, just like a light little. I know what you mean.

Yeah. I'm not, yeah, I'm not a psychopath. Like, not the kind where like you need to go to the store and get that aloe. No, I mean, I know what you mean. Swimming in it. When you get just a little bit of sun, you feel a little bit of sting. But not terrible. Sure, I get where you're going with that.

red-headed metal-bending Jesus said he had a girlfriend who got turned on when she was sunburned. Oh. Well, that's new to me. Yeah, there's something to that. Like, it kind of makes you feel, I guess, from my point to be, like, confident. I'm like, oh, nice. And now I'm not, like, super pale. I don't know.

I guess. A little bit. I know what she means. I get a little bit of color, right? I kind of think, you know, here comes the sexiest guy in town. Yeah. You guys know me. I'm a horn dog.

Oh, yeah. I'm bricked up at all times. But Sunburn has never done that to me. This gal who gets horny, that might be too much vitamin D. And that's not a joke. Right, yeah. You know, I wouldn't make that joke. Is it possible that too much vitamin D makes you amorous?

Maybe next time you... It affects the sex zones of your brain? Whatever. That is the sexiest organ of the body. Maybe next time, ask your doctor. Ask your doctor, Josh, about when you're not. And he mentions that you've got zero vitamin D. Ask them if too much turns you into an F machine.

I don't. I've only seen this doctor once and it's a lady doctor. Oh, no. I don't know if we're there yet. I was just glad she agreed to a second date in a few weeks. My favorite sunburn story. What's that? Josh.

What was that? I said, I was just happy she agreed to a second date in a few weeks. Good for you. Yeah, when I was there, she's like, do you want to do this again in like eight weeks? Did you have to talk to somebody else to say? this date up? No, right through her. It's not an appointment.

It's not an appointment. It's a date. It's a date. I think that is then. Yeah. Am I missing something? If you didn't have to talk to somebody else, I'd say yeah. Is this that wicked hot blonde?

You showed us pictures of a couple weeks ago? That's not right. I don't know if your wife needs to have that information, right? Oh, the second date? Josh printed out a picture of this hot blonde doctor he was going to go see and he was showing everyone in the building. Because it just doesn't make sense. That's insane. It makes no sense.

sense. Big Al got sunburned so bad one day fishing up north when we were 19, 20 years old. Big Al's red-haired kid. You're not a kid anymore. I suppose he's 54 years old, but big Al's a red-haired character, skin even pastier than mine. But both of us, like I said, we were so reckless and so foolish when we go out fishing. Big Al got sunburned so effing bad one night. It was one of the most unique things, one of the most unique things I've ever seen. We hit the sack in the cabin. Al was so sunburned that I even got up and I went and got in the other bed. He was so sunburn that he called the dog in from outside. This is way up north in the middle of the woods.

Megan Marie, the best girl in the whole world, our old Springer Spaniel, she just circled around the woods all day and all night, right? So now it's midnight, 1 o'clock in the morning. Megan Marie is soaked in dew and whatnot, right, from running through the woods. Oh, yeah. Al calls the dog in from outside and forced her to lay down soaking wet directly on top of his chest. It was the only thing that made it to have a cold, wet dog lying on his chest. And Marie was kind of thinking like, hey, wait a minute, I don't want to go to bed yet, right?

But no, no, he's like, just stay. Meg, stay. And just the feeling of that cold, wet dog on his body was the only thing that would soothe the pain. Up at the crack of dawn, Jesus, he's corrected me. I said I got dumb sunburn because I got it in a weird place of my legs, back of my neck, and the top of my ears, which I just wouldn't have thought of covering. I'm just not super experienced with the outdoors. I could have shown you. I could have shown you.

Yeah, I could have used your health. I cover everything. So what did he say? He said, dumb sunburn is getting the bottoms of your feet sunburn from sitting with your feet resting on the side of a pontoon all day. That sucked too. The bottoms of your feet. See, now we can go back to these lessons that we've learned.

I never once considered the tops of my feet until you go out on a boat, right? Yep. Or you sit out at somebody's pool and the top, just stupid. I don't know if this is dumb sunburn or just being dumb in general, but we had a buddy in high school. Harriest guy I've ever met, he has legs like Bigfoot, you know, and he was going off to Cosmel, whatever the fancy spring break trips were. And he was talking with, yeah, I just got to remember to wear sunscreen.

And we're like, well, you don't need to wear it on your legs, obviously, because they're so hairy. it'll block the sun. He came back with just the reddest lobster legs you've ever seen. Oh, I believed that for a second. Yeah. It's not the case. No.

You believed us, you idiot? And he was, I thought it would protect it. I thought that was like natural sunscreen. It would just block it like I was wearing pants. I would have believed you guys. It was, like, painful to the touch for him. I would think that the hairdo would also block. I mean, because the body hair would also block the sun.

Yeah, you don't, if you are outdice, outdoors. and you have hair. I mean, you don't put sunscreen on your head, right? Right. I just think it's a different kind of hair, you know, because it's, you take longer on your head. I guess people that have really thin hair, I bet their scalp gets burnt.

Who has the fishing buddy, who also took years to learn his lesson, and he wore the big, fat sunglasses out on the lake? Oh, my God. And then he'd come back with that raccoon look. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude. I have friends that still.

haven't learned that lesson. Yeah. Like we said, it takes a while. Sometimes you just have to learn your lesson hundreds of times before you wake up. Didn't you guys at one point? You know how like a lady will wear a bikini? Yes. And then you know how like she'll get super tan?

Sure. And then after that, you know how like that bikini might come off? Uh-huh. I thought you guys at one point said you really like that look. Oh yeah. Tan lines? Oh, yeah. Definitely.

I do like tan lines. Yeah. Like specifically that kind of thing. Yeah. Yep. Yeah, bikini tan lines? Yeah. It does something.

I don't know what it is. Yeah. It does something or another for me, absolutely. You guys, if I came in here with a tan, though, like a noticeable tan, I think I'd get all kinds of hell from you guys. If you came with like a spray tan quality tan, that would be hilarious. I'd be confused. Wait a minute. Be clear.

Like you went out and did something outside and came. Just any type of tan. Doesn't matter how I got it. No, no, no. If you came in here golden brown and said, yeah, I went out on. on the lake with some friends and I finally learned how to apply sunblock or whatever and you can't that would be I would be very proud of you I think you guys give me crap I would be proud but I would it would be hard for me to get used to because I've never seen you tan why would I give you crap if I've barely

seen me tan if you showed up here with a natural tan sometimes I've had a tan but you know the underside of my arms are ridiculously white looks silly oh the fish bellies yeah I I always turn my arms over out in the boat and I get the fish bellies try to get them a little bit of sun. No, if you came back with a natural tan just because you wore the proper chemicals, whatever it is. Canola oil, according to Dana, according to Ashley. I wouldn't give you hell for that. But if you went out and spray tanned yourself, yes, of course.

I mean, that's rule one. When a dude goes out and gets a spray tan, the rest of us gang up on them. I was the guy who got ganged up on one day years ago. And then we did it to Dana. Oh, yeah. I deserved it. Yours was awful. That's bad, man.

Well, it's just awful until you shower because you can't shower for 24 hours. So you agree it was awful? Well, yeah, because, I mean, it's supposed to look awful the first 24 hours, and then you shower it off. I thought I looked gorgeous. It did not look gorgeous. On day one, it was ridiculous. Oh, no, I don't remember Dana. I'm talking about myself.

Oh, gotcha. When I did this 20 years ago, I thought I looked incredible. But I couldn't do it again because my pal's threatened me. We were just talking about some of those. fitness shows where they get all super tanned up and spray tan after spray tan after spray and how ridiculous they look when you're next to them but it's weird on stage it looks completely normal with all the lighting and stuff for sure oh yeah it's summertime so we got to we got to get dialed into this i mean like a day like today for a novice for me it'd be pretty bad to go

outside and despite the fact i need the vitamin d i'd imagine this would be kind of a rough one for a Just put on that sunblock, dude. It's real easy. It's a damn shame that it takes so many of us so long to become accustomed to it, but it's real easy. A couple things I don't like about it. One, I have to touch my body. Oh, my God. Right?

I get to feel that. I understand. And I don't like the feeling of lotion and stuff. Yeah, you're weird like that. Oh, they make a powder. Oh, no. I just saw a powder. I don't know, like, how legit they are, but I've been seeing ads for it because I,

my son doesn't like to wear hats and he's got a tiny little baby head so you've got to protect it. And yeah, they have like a little powder. It's like a makeup brush. You just do, do, do, do. It's funny how you don't like the feeling. I understand that you don't like to touch yourself because you've been taught since you were a kid that it's a sin. Catholicism ruined you. We've covered that many times.

But yeah, you don't like any kind of lotion. Like in the silence of the lambs, I'd rather have the guy just stab me than when I have to put the lotion on my skin. Yeah, you. Seems miserable. Where I just molest myself with all kinds of different lotions once I get out the douche. Yeah. I stand there for. I tried that one time.

I think because you recommended it. Ooh, I work it in. It's good. Yeah. It's great for you. Well, they have the spray bottles sunscreens you can use too, Josh. Spray bottles, Josh. You don't have to touch yourself.

That's right. Spray. I don't know. Every time I've used those, I don't know if this is your guys's experience. I usually have to rub it in anyway. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, you got to rub that stuff in a little bit. Yeah, that's not good.

Well, I suppose you'll just have to take that vitamin D pill. Here we got people texting in 651-9-9-9-3-93 talking about the funny sunburns. We mentioned the fishermen who go out there with the giant, who's that famous fisherman again? Babe Winkleman? There you go. They got the big fat Babe Winkleman sunglasses on, right? They come off the lake. Their face is a tomato with the exception of around their eyes.

It's like a reverse raccoon look. My buddy Joey, the one who cries at Queenswright concerts. Yeah, I understand. He was notorious for that look for many years because he was a big fisherman. How about this one from Traveling IT, Jesus? You go out of doors in the sun with your adjustable hat on backwards. Oh, yeah. I've gotten that one.

Yep, I've done that before. I've been that friggin guy. You get the perfect strap. I suppose you have seen me tan. When I landscaped, I used to get pretty tan. I don't recall. TAN for me. So wait a minute.

So you can get tan. Yeah, I mean, not like cool looking tan, but I can get certainly. Well, is it red or is it tan? Tan. Well, see, I didn't know that. I don't remember that. I can't get tan. You can get, I can just get red.

Yeah, like I said, it's nothing cool. But if it's tan, then it is cool. It's a tan. Compared to what I got now, it's quite a difference. You know, John, you have to allow yourself some wins in life. Just admit it. You got tanned and you look great. Oh, I didn't look great.

I'm telling you it was a little darker than my normal complexion. Allow yourself some, allow yourself a victory here and there, Josh. We do have a running bit where, like a lot of times after the show or maybe even during the show, I want a diet Mountain Dew. But then I'll tell Nick that I don't deserve it. He doesn't deserve it. I haven't earned it today. Yes, you do. I don't deserve that.

I just remembered, I had an awkward moment with a buddy once because I did get tan. And it was from being out on his boat. We went back to his place, and I. saw he had some aloe. And I'm like, oh, do you mind if I throw that on? I'm miserable. And he's like, you can if you want, but that's lube, bro. Oh, no.

Thank God he stopped me. Well, maybe not. There had to have been a second where he thought, I'm going to let this guy put lube all over his body. Where was he keeping his lube? Right in his bathroom. It was like on the sink. Oh, single guy.

Single guy. Yeah. I used to keep my hustler magazines on the frigging coffee table. That was. What a douchebag. I used to keep my Hustler magazines right out in the open on the coffee table. And then I watched an episode of Family Guy where Peter Griffin said something along the lines of, you know, he has his little flashbacks or whatever in the show.

And he said something along the lines of, yeah, like that stupid guy who keeps his hardcore porno magazines out in the open. And I said to myself, oh, Christ, that's me. I'm sure I've asked you this before But you were a bit of assortment Did Did you hide those when you'd have a young lady come over A lady of appropriate age Let me rephrase that

Oh no You wouldn't Was that an aphrodisiac to some or some like Oh come on man what are you doing Aphrodisiag Is that right? I would think it wouldn't work out But you have to consider the type of women

I was seeing at the time Just gonna bring that up Yeah, poves. Pavs. Yep. Oh, we have a, we've been talking this morning about how hot weather has come to town. So I guess it's summer. We have a summer activities list at the house that my wife and I are free to add to whenever we feel like it.

That sounds like fun. So then eventually we'll have a list of summer activities that we'd like to tackle. What's the strangest or the one that... Well, there's only... two, I've been the only one to contribute so far to our summer activities list. Is it to recreate what happened at hedonism in Jamaica many years ago? That outdoor orgy? I could put it on the list.

Not saying it's going to happen. Maybe she'll someday just be in a wild mood and say, let's do it. Well, I did write on the list. I said, let's get it on. Oh, good, good. Right. Yeah, we have a summer. How dorky is this?

But I think it's going to be fun. We have a summer activities list. And I've written down, aside from Let's Get It On, I said, let's have some some bitches over to get drunk on the patio. I hope she'll consider that one. An activity. Some folks don't consider that an activity. I consider it an activity. Definitely.

And then I said, let's get on our electric bicycles and let's go somewhere. It's on the electric bicycles. What's the furthest you've traveled on that thing? Mostly just the Legion and back? Or have you done any? Here in town, here in town is usually just a legion in back. I suppose when you're on the West Coast a couple weeks back, you guys really went for it, didn't you? We didn't go that far this time.

We went to Oregon and Washington. What was that a month ago? We didn't put that many miles on them during that trip. But when we went to Wyoming, we were doing like 20-some, 30-some miles a day. Wow. Do you get pretty sore? Oh, it hurts. Oh, I bet.

Yes. It was fun because it's an electric bicycle. You don't have to pedal if you don't want to. but it my ass was i couldn't i couldn't handle the pain i was actually i got confused i was thinking an electric scooter um because after a while those things like for me at least my core's not ready for that if you're on that for a while because we've done that with the family before kind of cruised around for a while it was it's a blast but after a while it's like my god i'm too old for this both of us both of us when we were in Wyoming our backyards were destroyed oh yeah

That'll work the tank pretty good. That sounds terrible. So do you know what we've done to correct the problem? Did you get like a hemorrhoid donut or something? Yeah. Soft your seat. You could use a hammeroid donut. We got underwears that got ass pads in them.

No. I didn't know that was a thing. Neither did I. It's a real friggin thing for people who ride those stupid regular bicycles with pedals, which is stupid. They got these drawers that you pull on with pads on the ass. so your undercarriage doesn't take so much of a pounding while setting on that bicycle. I cannot believe you wear those. I'm sorry.

Well, I wore them once. I know that just seems very un-nick of you. I think you should wear them more often. After the friggin' pain. You'd be even more irresistible. If I'm wearing those to the grocery store, yeah, be worried about me. Yeah. But after what we went through in frigging Wyoming, there was no way I was going to do another electric bicycle trip without them.

You got to protect the A-hole. I've always thought that. They're beautiful. Yeah. They don't really give me like an ass. Can you get Kardashian? I mean, how big, I'd imagine there's different. It's basically, it basically just protects the spokes.

Sure. And it's not like you've got a big bubble thing happening. It's just for the gear, for the most intimate area. Yeah, there's plenty of times I end up, you kind of have to stand a little bit. Like riding a horse, I can't figure that out. my testicles are destroyed on a horse. I've done everything people said. Like, you know, push myself as far into the saddle as I can,

and it just doesn't matter. A little experience, a little more time. I'd be terrible in the Old West. And you'd get used to it. But yeah, when you put those padded bicycle underwears on, before you get on the bicycle, it feels like you have your pants. Oh, I bet it's weird. But once you get on that, oh, dude, it's nice.

So no issues at all? Or do you still get on at all? No, no, no. When we made this last trip, because we were wearing the padded underwears, could have done it all day. All right, here's the deal. We've got to wrap up our opening conversation here and move on. We got songs, ads, I don't know, things.

What do we do? We go, add, song, ads. Traffic in there somewhere. Traffic, weather. But when we come back, we'll hit up the stupid news report. Thanks for tuning in. We'll be back in a few minutes. You can feel the difference.

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Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to BialkiLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-A-L-L-R-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-E-L-R-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-R-E-R-E-L-E-R-E-L-E-R-E-U-ROL. You're going to rip with Drake for his album-Lunch release party in Toronto. Like, I'm not passing that up for anything. Join the party. She went to the MECALA. He went to the game. What is the Mac Aller?

Ridiculous. I think it's an excuse to dress up like an idiot and go to a ball. The Full Send podcast. Oh, we're ready. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Getting close. You know what we were talking about a few minutes ago, Josh?

We were talking about sunburn. Some of us are educated on how to prevent it. I thought I was. just by staying indoors. Right. But it's backfired on me. Well, yeah, you mentioned that your doctor told you're running on zero vitamin D because you never go out of doors. But you learned you can take a pill for that.

It'll be all right. Sunburn, I mentioned as a young person. I was reckless as hell. I would go out and burn, deal with the pain. Go out three days later. Burn, deal with the pain. Never prepared myself. until I got a little older.

And now, I mean, it's, hell, I can sit outside all friggin' day. I pour on all that, some of that sunblock is just like, Christ, it's like putting a grade school paste on your body. But for me, that's what I need. A few people texted in. I've seen more and more of this when I go out onto Lake Minnetonka. These folks who wear the long-sleeve fishing shirts. Oh, like a kid's swimming shirt.

Yeah. Yeah. Except theirs isn't as tight. I don't, I guess I don't know anything about the little kids. Yeah, they're like a little bit tighter. All right. They look ridiculous in it. At first I thought, it's hotter than hell.

What are these guys doing wearing long sleeve shirts? But it's like this thin material. A listener texted in and said, I've switched to long sleeve fishing shirts. Oh, which is equal to SPF 50. And then you wear like a full. Like a straw hat Oh yeah I got some of those long-sleeved shirts

When I went to Mexico Because I burn pretty easily I don't get as much suns as I used to When I was more active outdoors And they were wonderful They're light and breezy You know, it didn't feel like it was running long sleeves at all Right

Felt wonderful So you said it's like 50 So that means you can get Tanned through it I don't know I don't think so I wonder if it was maybe It allows something

Just a little bit through Yeah at first I thought that looks so uncomfortable. Jesus, it's 100 degrees up. But apparently, like Dana said, the shirts are very sheer and they're comfortable. There's an option. This is funny. One of our listeners who says, he took a surprise nap, otherwise known as I think passing out.

I took a surprise nap under a picnic table at the Apple River years ago. Can you picture that laying underneath? He said, I ended up with a sunburn running diagonally. from my waist to my shoulders. I was just wondering if he woke up with stripes. Yeah, like grill marks. He said I looked like a signal flag. I wanted to make sure that I was correct before I said this.

But so SPF 50 is basically as good as you can get. Like you can get SPF 100, but it's like a 1% difference. It doesn't really matter. I do the 50. Yeah. That's like as good as it gets. And I always thought like, oh, I'm just going to find the highest number. And I was like, oh, I'm just wasting my money, paying for a higher number.

I put on that 50 grit. Yeah, again, I want to thank the brother and sisterhood for recommending some vitamin D pills. I'll be taking those. I'm going to request a suppository, but if that's not possible for me, I will take those pills. Yeah, just try both then, see which one he feels better. You know what? That's not a bad idea. Doubally safe.

All right. Boy, yeah, a lot of people have those sun shirts. This is the first I've heard of it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, wear them on the lawn and what I'm mowing the lawn and whatnot. Well, sometimes, like, you watch, this is my experience from movies, and, you know, super hot climates and people are out there wearing long sleeves. That must be the case.

That must be why. Oh, you know what, now that you bring that up, I'm realizing that my husband has one, and I don't know what it is. Maybe more guys will wear them if they think that women like them. But I think it's like the sexiest thing he wears for some reason. I don't know what it is about the shirt. You talk about the fishing shirts? Yeah, or like it's the material.

or something, whatever it is, but I don't know why. I got a thing for them. My wife likes anything that covers my body. And she hates my face, always wants me to have facial hair. I mean, I'm not against any of these brands, but can I find these fishing shirts that don't say Shamano or Rappala or Ranger or... I got a bunch of them at Coles of no label, no logo on them whatsoever, just generic. Oh, that sounds just wonderful because it's going to be hot and sunny from now until Christ, I think, a good week.

I've never heard this theory. Iron Range Jesus says, morons. Use some research on how bad sunscreen is for you. It's better to get sunburned. Yeah, that's the rumor right now. That's the thing going around online. Is that right?

Okay, I haven't heard that, but you could just educate somebody. You don't have to start with morons. It kind of turns you off a little bit right now. Well, you know, it's not the first time I've been told to do my own research. Yeah, I'm sorry I don't sit around it like, look, I have a response. I have a response. Moron. I'd rather deal with whatever sunblock is doing to me than be sunburned. That's the thing. You can find research or some type of study about everything that's supposedly healthy for you is actually bad.

Right. Well, doesn't like sun can or excuse me, skin cancer? Isn't it like the number one type of cancer that kills folks? I'll do my own research. Don't call me a moron. I'll work that up. Moron that you are. No, it's not the number one thing that kills. I'm kidding. I have no idea where I'm going with that. I just wanted to play along with a bit and call you a moron for having an opinion. You know, I said, I was thinking, you know, you're on the defensive right away when somebody starts with moron. But it would be funny if there was a teacher who started every class like that. Morons.

Today we're going to talk about World War II, you idiots. I bet there's a lot of teachers who wish they could do that. Oh, we had one that I don't think she'd be afraid to. As you guys know, I went to Catholic school. She swore up and actually just passed recently, which I thought. That was very sad. But she was awesome because you just sit back, be a little nervous that her anger was going to come towards you. But she was a great performer up there.

And I learned more from her than pretty much anybody else. And I think it was because of the intimidation factor. Sure. You're locked in. But she'd go after people. Yeah. I'll, you know. Well, yeah, thank you for the edge.

I didn't know there was an issue with sunscreen. I got to do my own friggin' research. I do. All right, here we go with the stupid news report. Religious folks aren't going to like the sounds of this here. No, I don't think so. Religious folks might say that this is a good way to find yourself in the express lane straight to Haiti. Some call it hell.

I call it Hades. What movies, Slingblade, what year 19 and 96? So it says here, a lady from Long Island, New York, she's in trouble with the law. She went on into her neighborhood church, and she cut the head smooth off of a statue of Jesus effing Christ. I mean, damn, he's the guy over there at the Catholic Church. He's the lead character. Yeah, he's the star of a lot of chapters in the Bible. Right.

I'll tell you what, we weren't talking too long ago about this. had a buddy who did that, and I thought for sure he's going to hell. Like, he's going to get struck by lightning. So I'm calling it hell. I call it Hades. Yeah, you did. I'd be pretty nervous if I were that person. Yeah, I'm not religious, but I still wouldn't.

I wouldn't do something like that. And I told you guys, he went on to become a priest, the person that decapitated the Jesus statue at high school. Does he bring that up in any of his sermons? You know, I doubt it. I doubt he brings him. You know, I want to decapitated. to Jesus.

Maybe he's re-ined himself. The flock might go to a different church. I bet. Gal walked on into her neighborhood church and cut the head smooth off of a statue of Jesus.

As you might imagine, the folks who regularly go to that joint to worship, they're a little unnerved by this gal's behavior. They're pissed. Catholic pissed. scary that doesn't go away quickly if at all so now after this crazy lady cut the head off of

jesus the church people had to go ahead and throw a plastic tarp over the statue it's just terrible they're having a terrible time with this it's a friggin 41 year old gal called deiona she's the one in jail for beheading a statue of jesus cripes Story doesn't say anything about drugs or booze. You know, I can't believe I never asked my friend this, but like, what did he and what did she do with the head? Oh, I never even, Josh, there's nothing in the story. Yeah. That's what matters, yeah.

And I never even wondered that. I'm a little worried about myself that that never crossed my mind. What the hell did she do with Jesus? Noggin. Dribble it down the street. Yeah, I can't believe I never thought. I was so shocked by his actions. Hey, morons.

Yeah. Is it better to throw it away or keep it around? We should keep it. Do some frigging research and you know the answer. This is my research. I'm asking fellow morons. Why in the hell don't you people do your own research? Why do you rely on us?

You know what we need to do better. Yes. We do need to do better. And I want you guys to do actual research. Don't look in books or listen to scientists. I want you to talk to your Uncle Lenny who lives up north. He's the one that's got the answers. Dana, check your bias.

All right. I don't know what the hell she did with the decapitated statue skull. She's been sent off to court for what she's done. Although her lawyer says she didn't do a damn thing. Her lawyer also says that Dejona isn't a anti-Catholic Satanist or any of that noise. But Deona has been ordered to stay away from the church from here on out. The local cops say it's going to cost up and around $1,500 to screw a new head onto their Jesus statue over there. $1,500.

I would have thought it'd be more. What was it? Yeah, what did your friend do again? You were like a ninth grader. He cut the head off of Jesus. He just ran like hell. We already, this was our senior year. And then he ran like hell.

What did he do with the head? That's what I said. I don't know. Oh, you, I'm sorry. Yeah, I started the conversation with that. All these years later, 30-some years later, I never even thought to ask. I don't thought maybe your buddy was the pro wrestler Al Snow and just carried that head around with him. Yeah, I don't get the reference, but people are texting that.

Are they? So what do he do? What do we want? Head! When do we want it? No. That's where that comes. Al Snow was a funny character,

Rassler in the Double E for many years. And I think if I'm remembering this correctly, the bit was that he was totally insane. Yes. And his best friend was a female mannequin head. How do people not love wrestling? Who went by the name of head. Yeah.

And I think both he and the mannequin had helped me written upside down. Yes. In like lipstick or something, like black lipstick. Oh, my God. And he would use it as a weapon? Yes. He'd have tag matches with Head as his partner. I need to see him using it as a weapon.

Maybe while we're sitting here, maybe you can find Al Snow's, what do they call it in the business? Entrance song? Entrance music. Because I think it starts with what you just did. What do you want? What do we want? Head. And he would raise the mannequin head up in the air and the whole crowd would go, head.

I didn't know that's where that came from. Oh, my gosh. It's so creepy looking. Al Snow, who is widely regarded as one of the best people to the core, just a wonderful person, one of the best that television wrestling's ever seen. That's what I understand. Again, we have to do this gimmick again, don't we, Josh? From what I understand, I've always heard nothing but...

Don't yell at me. I've heard nothing but wonderful things about Al Snow. Looks like someone hasn't done their research on Al Snow. I don't know why this makes it so much funnier, but it looks like this in like every picture. picture I see it looks worse and worse the head that he has. He's never, no one has ever ran a brush through this doll's hair. It just gets worse and worse. Oh, yeah, he never replaced it.

It would just keep getting more and more damage. Oh, my gosh. Josh, we could go on and on about this. I mean, on this topic of oddball wrestling gimmicks. What Al Snow's gimmick reminds me of is Perry Saturn. And I know we have a listener who calls himself Perry Saturn Jesus, so I'm sure he could tell this story. Perry Saturn had a

sidekick that accompanied him to the ring. He was also doing an I'm Insane character. Perry Saturn brought a mop to the ring. And the mop was named Moppy. That's right. And this was his best friend, Moppy. This person is so correct, this text.

It's not my job to educate you, morons. Your privilege is showing bad look. And Iron Raged Jesus, who, by the way, I could never be mad at, despite his antagonistic nature, said he got back to us, right? He's the guy that called us morons. Told us to do some research on sunscreen. He did. He just said, freaking 6-1 tours.

I love that slogan. I do, too. Jokes on you, I'm a 9-5 tour. Now what you got? Hey, nobody picks on the 9-5 tours. I love that slogan. First time I heard it was on Vermillion. Were you the target?

I was the target. Yes. Yes. Lake Vermillion 35 years ago. Me and a pal were out in a bay, wintertime. We were at a buddy's cabin. We walked down onto the frozen lake, and we were augging out holes all over the bay

for some golfing on the ice. Awesome. Hockey sticks out with the tennis balls. So we were augging out 18 holes all around this frigging bay. and I turned to my buddy and I said, hey, look off there in the distance. And there was a DNR character in a vehicle on the ice, long distance away. And I said, what do you bet this some bitch is watching us right now, wondering why two guys are augging out 18 effing holes in this bay.

Sure as hell, here comes a DNR guy in his suburban. And he throws her into park and he gets out of the vehicle. and he says, what the hell are you guys doing? And he said, you're going to fish 18 holes or whatever, you're going to fish that many holes? And we said, no, we're auging out some holes to play golf on the ice. And he goes, F and 6-1-2ers. And he was right.

I was even less guilty of doing anything. We were in Aiken, Nick, my girlfriend at the time, who, by the way, I met, the first time I met, she can talk with her boobs. She would put him together like a mouth moving. Oh, fun. You had a girlfriend in Aiken? No, she, It was from Fridley, but they had a cabin in naked.

Oh. So she, sorry if I confused it. You dated a girl from Fridley? I didn't know any better. Nobody told me. The Fridly girls were. I didn't do my research. They were, wait.

I'm a moron. Tell me if I'm right about this. You are Cubby from a Catholic school. Yeah, I went to Catholic school. Private Catholic school. She's from Fridley. Correct. Tell me if I'm spot on with this.

This gal was way too effing fast for you. Oh, well, that's partly true. but she's way too smart for me. Actually, she went on to, she's like a cancer researcher. She's brilliant. That's probably why we didn't last too long. But fast. You know, she was willing to lead the charge.

All right. But so my 6-1-tour story, we walked in. Oh, yes, sorry. All we did was walk into a bar in Aiken, and a guy turned around and said, great, F-and-6-1 tours. Wow, give me a chance, man. I was two feet into the bar. The landing? I don't remember.

40 Club? I couldn't tell you. This is almost 30 years ago. I would have been like overthinking what I was wearing. Like, does this give off those vibes so bad? Well, I was laughing because I thought it was hilarious. It is, yes. But I did wonder, like, how did we maybe just because folks are used to seeing the same people?

Right. You weren't a regular. That is true. That was my guess. Morons. Or more people calling us? Morons. If that headless Jesus statue has left you with little hope for society,

I'm sorry to say that this won't brighten your outlook. My damn. Now we've got an armed dog shooting at people at a gas station. Man's best friend, my ass. In a town called Scotts Bluff, Nebraska. The police got a telephone call. Oh, it came from the old shortstop filling station. And the police were told that someone just got shot.

When the cops got there, they saw a pickup truck. Ooh, nice. Nice. They saw a pickup truck, Josh, with an attached camper, which is still totally awesome in my back. Yeah, I like that. To have a camper hanging off the back of your pickup, that's where it's at. Yep. I want one very badly.

Toppers. You're feeling on topers. I love a to take them or leave them. I used to not think they were cool. I've changed my tune on that. They're so practical. They really are. If my old man didn't have a topper on all his pickups when we were little kids, we never would have gone anywhere.

That's where he always put us in the bed of the pickup underneath that topper. Hang on to your ass, he'd say. Because there wasn't rooming the cab of the pickup for all of us. He'd pour us into the truck bed like we were dogs. I loved sitting back there. Me too. All right, so cops got to the shortstop filling station in Scott's Bluff, Nebraska, saw a pickup truck with an incredible camper hanging off the ass end of it. The cops also saw that this sweet pickup camper combo, it had an obvious shotgun blast to the passenger side door.

But from the inside out, if you know what I mean. And also, there was a happy-ass dog wiggling around in the front. seat of the truck. He was wagging his tail up and down. He was excited as hell to see everyone milling around. Can barely hear anymore. After looking things over, here's what the cops came up with. Dude, who was a drive in that pickup camper. He had pulled into the filling station. He had jumped out the vehicle to go into the short stop and get himself something or another to eat. But the dumb bastard left a loaded shotgun in the front seat like a total jabroney. What are you doing? Yeah, I'll just set the loaded weapon here.

It'll be fine. Safety off. Make sure I got it pointed right at somebody. Perfect. You pat the barrel. That bullet's not going anywhere. Left a loaded shotgun in the front seat like a J. Brone.

The cops say that after dude jumped out the pickup, his dog hopped on up from the back seat to the front. And as the dog was wobbling around up there, the dog accidentally triggered that shotgun that had a lot. shell in the chamber. Poor dog. Probably scared the heck out of it. It says here that the dog was able to crack off several shots.

How? He got his paw. You know, it's an automatic, obviously. I know, but still. Well, they're not lying. He must have got his, what do they have at the end of their feet there, Josh? What do they call those? Talons?

Talons. You got his talons. Yeah, talons. But I haven't done my research. I mean, it was just, pop, pop, pap, pop, pap. You're right. The dog might have been a little scared, but at least the dog was on the right end of that shotgun. That's true. Some poor gal sitting in her car at the gas station took some pellets to her arm.

No. Come on. That's hilarious. I bet it took a little convincing for the cops to believe it was the dog. Like, oh, yeah, your dog, was this the same dog that ate your homework back in school? Maybe it was tough for him to follow. I don't know. This gal must have been about as scared and confused.

as she's ever being in her life. Did that dog just take a shot at me? Did you imagine coming out of the gas stage? You're like, oh, my God, what's happening? What's happening? Oh, it's my dog. People were running for their lives. Other people get their guns out and start shooting, too, not realizing it was just the dog. Yeah.

Oh. Sorry, that's just gas. All right, I've been told dogs don't have talents. Whatever they call them at you. Some of them do, I swear. What do they call it? Clause, the gal who took that shotgun blast to the. The gal was hauled off to the hospital.

She was all right. And the local... She's got a funny story now, right? Great story. The local police are still investigating this effing stupid and completely preventable episode. The Scott's Bluff Police Department decided to remind the general public that it is illegal in Nebraska to travel with a loaded shotgun in the motor vehicle. As you might imagine, the dog is completely oblivious and doesn't. and understand what the fuss is all about.

It says during the initial police investigation at the gas station, the dog spent the majority of that time cleaning its own penis. He wasn't even listening at all when he investigated. He didn't answer any quick. It's kind of a power move when they're trying to investigate and you're just licking your wiener. I don't care. The entire time, he was licking his own. He's like, what?

Anybody die? No? Who cares? Let's go. Let's keep on going down the road. That's great. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. It's a freaking stupid lab.

Crazy. Lady there just to get a can of chew and some beef jerky. Take some pellets to the armpit. That sucks. All right. We got a serious problem here, Cubby. It's an angry virgin with a chain of saw. That's my guess.

It's got to be a virgin. Says you're a young fella broken to a store to steal Pokemon. cards and he got into the joint by cutting a hole in the front window with a chainsaw. Kind of cool. Aren't there are better ways to do that? Well, there's not cooler ways. There you go. Well, I don't know if that's cool.

The dude cut himself up. There were shards of glass. Well, you know, it seems like a cool idea. You start banging. It's like he to die. Oh, my God. You start banging a glass window with a chainsaw. I mean, I can imagine the glass shards were just, they shredded him to pieces.

They said there was a lot of blood at the scene. and his eyes. He's like, I thought this would work. Idiot. It seems so awesome. Penetrating glass with a running chainsaw. I just can't imagine. What should this guy have done, Dana?

What should he have done? Research. Oh, yeah, he should have done his own research. Clayton. To type in chainsaw to glass into AI and see what it comes up. Clayton is this dumb bastard's name. And some of you might be wondering, well, how did you figure he's a virgin? I mean, maybe the Pokemon cards, but we learned that all types of

people are into Pokemon. I'll tell you how I'm determining him to be a virgin. He's 33 years old acting like this. His name is Clayton. The store that he destroyed is called the collection realm, if that matters at all to you. They got all the good stuff over there, all the Pokemon cards. It was an overnight burglary type of a scene. If you watch the security surveillance video footage, middle of the damn night, by God, here comes Clayton with his dad's battery-powered chain of saw, and he ups and cuts. Here's the part. Josh, where he's a, I think, he cut it into the glass a triangle shape. Oh, my God, this dude.

You see triangle? That's a total virgin. Yeah. Also, like, a chainsaw, middle of the night. Is that a normal sound for people to hear? That's not going to... Depends on the neighborhood. What is...

This guy just, he didn't think at all, not even for half a second. Didn't do his research. As you might have guessed, a cutting glass with a chainsaw might be a little iffy. And like I said, there was... was blood all over the effing place. I think Clayton was taking shorts of glass all over his body while they cut that triangle shape. He wasn't thinking about Pokemon when he cut that triangle shape.

He was in and out with that chain of saw. In and out. Someday. Someday I'm going to get me some. I bet those police officers were just dying, putting this together. Wait, wait, wait. Then he got a triangle? Yeah, triangle.

The owner of the card shop says $12,000 worth of Pokemon cards were snatched. The owner also says that Clayton was casing the joint a few days before he went through with this ridiculous robbery. When they saw the video, the owner recognized him and said, yeah, that friggin virgin was wandering around the shop a few days. Clayton's all done. So it was planned days in advance. That's what the owner says. This kid's going to be cutting triangle shapes into the walls of his prison cell for quite a stretch of time now, I think. He'll be using a spoon.

Isn't it working? Triangle. Are battery-powered chainsaws any good? I don't know. I haven't heard great things from like any lawn equipment that has gone that route, but I guess I wouldn't know. I haven't personally tried it. I don't want to get called a moron. I'm just curious.

I don't have any experience. Oh, I did see a girl with an electric mower the other day and it looked like it was getting the job done and it was pretty sweet looking. I used a battery powered trimmer and it's garbage. But over the weekend, I used my uncle's battery powered trimmer and that son of a bitch whooped a llama's ass. So it's like anything else. You get what you paid for. The battery powered trimmer that I bought was like $17.86.

It's garbage. My uncles, I could have killed everyone in town with that damn thing. We've got one. It works pretty well. Yeah. Big bearded Jared said definitely a virgin. Electric chainsaw, virgin. I didn't know that was a sign. And yes, somebody else, the ambassador of rubbish Jesus, said that there's one that's pretty sick.

Dude, I also got that text message. They say that the one chainsaw that they bought, Josh? Yeah. They say it's totally sick. Oh, yeah, sick. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Ten seconds to go.

Landis Scott, stopped by Stone. Eichael sends it in. Three seconds to go. Vegas goes back. Yeah, they got it done. The Las Vegas Golden Grams went ahead and got it done last night. What a bunch of dicks. What a bunch of derelicks they are.

They won it in four games, Josh. That's the minimum, you know. Yep, that's all it takes. They swept the series over Colorado. They're going to the Stanley Cup final, final, final, final. They just won the whole smear a couple, three years ago. It's the third time they've been there. That franchise had to wait a long time, though, so good for them.

Yeah, you know, all those hardcore hockey fans in Nevada. But that's how it works. That's how it works. It's probably going to be, probably, not certainly. It's probably going to be Las Vegas, North Carolina. Two hockey hotbeds. And, you know, we keep doing that joke, but it just, We got to let it go, don't we?

We should have let it go a long time ago. But it still does irk, Midwesterners, Canadians, that these so-called non-hockey markets have winning hockey clubs. We got to let it go. It's not like the players are from Las Vegas and Carolina. Oh, yeah. My old man wasn't convinced to that. Really?

Oh, yeah. I just think that when I was a kid. Yeah, me too. You were kind of, you just represented your state. A number of years ago, you know, my old man liked to watch the, man bear pigs. A number of years ago we were on the telephone and he says, hey, you've been watching the wild?

And I said, yeah, sure, a little bit here and there. And he goes, how to hell do the Minnesota Wild lose to Nashville? How do they lose to Nashville, Tennessee? And I said, Dad, you have to understand. The players on that club are not from Tennessee. Do you understand? They've got just as many big cement head Canadians on that club as we do. A lot of the players on the team probably hadn't heard of Tennessee until they got drafted

They're traded there. It didn't dawn on him right away. He thought that maybe they drew from the local schools there. North Carolina and Montreal played a night. Oklahoma City beats San Antonio. I'm tired of those two frigging clubs already. Great Twins game last night. I'm looking forward to telling everyone about the Twins game.

When Randy Shaverer jumps in with us at 7.30, Twins got a win last night and it was just absolutely terrific. Before we take a break, we had a story in the stupid news about a dog. A dog who shot up a gas station. An accident. The dog's owner leaves a loaded shotgun because this guy's obviously brilliant. Dog's owner leaves a loaded shotgun in the front cab of his pickup, pulls into a gas station, the owner gets out to go get a can of beer or whatever.

Dog jumps up to the front seat, gets its paw caught in the weapon and pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Dog accidentally shooting up a gas station parking lot, right? Dana said, man's best friend. friend my ass. And I got a text message here, Josh, and this listener agrees that dogs, we got to stop calling a man's best friend. You want to know why, Covey? Why?

Your cat will never show the cops where your drugs are at. That is a really good point. Yeah, dogs are narks. I never thought of that. Cats, no. Hey, that's not my business. Dogs, they'll bust your ass. They'll show the cops exactly where you're.

hiding your friggin' dope. Good point. We got to take a break. Josh has some more news for you here in a few minutes. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer

when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. or go to Bialki law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan.

How do I save money? Most people give you the cliche answer. Stop buying avocado toast. But they're missing the point. Saving tactics usually focus on discretionary spending. If you want to actually move the needle, you have to look at your fixed costs. Your rent, your mortgage, your car payment.

To change these, you might have to move or sell your car. And that's why people don't do it. If you want small wins, focus on the avocado toast. But if you want meaningful change, focus on the fixed costs. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Sometimes when I blow my nose, I get a boner. I don't know why. It just happens.

Half-assed morning show. Just when you think you've seen it all, you see something else weird. And this one really does take the cake. A New Jersey Wawa customer was arrested after police say a bizarre argument turned into an assault with a sugar. Officers responded to the store shortly before 9 a.m. last Thursday for a reported fight involving sugar. Police had two customers, a 46-year-old man and a 41-year-old woman, got into an argument that turned physical. According to investigators, the man pushed past an employee, grabbed a sugar container, and poured some hot, sticky sweet sugar on the other customer, and a 55-year-old

female Wawa employee from the head to the feet, yeah. Police said the man then struck both women with the container, which is still only the second worst abuse of a Wawa since Metallica's Kirk Hammond. It's sad to see, you know, it's really sad to see it, stuff like this happening. Officials. Like it pouring sugar packets into the eyes? It was throwing like containers of sugar. Oh, you got to pour it into their eyes if you want to, you know, drop them to a knee. Oh, I bet that would sting.

Straight into the eyes, Cubby. Something terrible. It's always the eyes. Officials said they had no information on what sparked that argument, and the customers did not know each other. destroying sugar packets back and forth. There's been a pattern? I wouldn't be afraid of that fight.

Well, it was sugar containers of some sort. Yeah, that would get pretty heavy. That would bother me so much. I hate when I'm like baking or using sugar for something. I feel like I can never get it completely off of me. That would really piss me on. Get off of me, she says. It's just, ah, you can fah-ah-ah.

Get off of me. There's been a pattern of fight night no-nows at Wawa's across Jersey. This past February brought a parking lot pepper spraying after a dispute over a fender bender, spiraled out of control. Authority said a 52-year-old man blasted a 69-year-old motorist in the eyes, Nick, with pepper spray during the confrontation. Pepper spray. Yeah.

And years earlier, two women were arrested and fined after a violent caught-on-camera confrontation inside another New Jersey Wawa. The pair swore at an older woman waiting in line, climbed onto the counter, spat on the victim, and physically attacked her before an employee ultimately intervened. and broke up that fight. Do you know the answer to this one, Cubby? What's behind the name of those joints? Wah-W.

I don't know. You know what? Shoot. I looked at up once and I forget. Good question. Where the hell are they going with that? A Florida man pulled a gun on a school bus driver because he was furious. Someone had yelled at his children.

That's his job. He didn't end up looking nearly as cool as he probably imagined because his bargain been bad boy routine landed on the wrong person. Oopsies. On Thursday morning, Otto O'Valley, the father of two elementary school-age children who ride that bus, pulled up to a bus stop and waited. Did you say his name is Otto O'Valley? Otto O'Valley, yes. Wow, that's a good one. At about 8.10 a.m. as the bus sat stopped with its doors open, O'Valley approached and pulled a gun from his waistband. But according to deputies, things immediately took a turn for Otto, as in he auto. He ought to have done his own research because he had the wrong driver.

Oh, no. After realizing the bus driver was a substitute, instead of quietly collecting his embarrassment and humbly walking away, Ovali instead told her it was her lucky day. He then slipped the gun into his front pocket and explained he was angry because the regular driver had yelled at his children. Yeah, you can't do that anymore. Drama queen. You can't yell at other people's kids now.

And I would argue it's not her lucky day. Well, yeah. Depends on how you look at it, right? She was the wrong person. The incident was later reported to a school resource officer at Citrus Springs Elementary where the children attended and the sheriff's office was notified. Because the confrontation happened at an official school bus stop, Florida law considers the area an extension of school property,

which is especially unfortunate as a technicality for Olado. Anyone who threatens or brings to bring harm to a Citrus County school, its staff or our children will face immediate and uncompromising response from law enforcement, the sheriff said. O'Valley's been charged with aggravated assault on a public transit employee and possession of a firearm on school property. Well, that's too bad he's such a douche because there's so few autos left. Yeah, I've never ever met one.

There's so few of them now, I would hope that they would set a better example. the ones that are remaining. I'm with you on that. Simpson's bus driver still kicking. I wasn't counting. I feel terrible now. I'm foolish. I was not counting the Simpson's bus driver.

You should feel so... He's the only auto I know. He's a legend. He's been doing it for like 30 years. He hasn't aged a day. No, he's not. He's a cool bus driver. A substitute teacher at a Florida middle school

was found passed out drunk on school grounds. Nice. 49-year-old Jennifer Jenison was arrested after police said she was found unresponsive in her car, parked in the pickup line at Fort Myers Middle School. A school resource officer was told by a bystander at 234 p.m. May 14th. There was a woman fast asleep behind the wheel of a car that was parked but still running in the pickup line. The school resource officer approached the vehicle and recognized it as a car involved in an earlier incident that day. The officer had previously been told

Genison was having a possible medical episode around 10 a.m. that same morning. That was no medical episode, was it? That was a case of the bottle flu with extra symptoms of slurred syllables and bloodshot eyes. When the officer found her, he determined she was intoxicated and took her car keys, but a teacher is always prepared.

Jenison apparently had a spare car key, which she used to start her car that afternoon before she passed out again in the driver's seat. After a few attempts, the officer was finally able to wake her up. A breath test showed, she earned some extra credit in the drunk department. She was at 0.376. In her vehicle, they found an open bottle of Skoll vodka, which tends to leave Minnesotans with a bitter taste in their mouths every playoff season.

Police also say she had a blood alcohol content more than four times the legal limit after a breathalyzer test. Off camera, parents told me. they're worried about how Jenison got hired, especially since she has two other DUI charges. Especially. Yeah, I noticed that. She was charged with DUI and is scheduled to appear in court June 1st. She's probably not going to be counted on. Yeah, she won't be on that substitute list for a while.

From here on out, I would say not. My mother used to say that I would say not. Very dramatic. She thought that really hit home, yeah. A man who showed up to pick. up his friend from jail wound up staying a lot longer than he planned and ended up needing a ride home himself. A 25-year-old was arrested after driving to the Montgomery County Jail in Fultonville, New York to pick up a friend who'd been busted for DWI. But when he arrived, Deputy suspected

he was equally enthusiastic about spirits as his buddy. Police said he drove right into a restricted area around the jail, the parking, instead of the parking for public lots. That was strike one. Strike two came when deputies approached him, suspecting he had a little too much shenanigan juice, and a field sobriety test confirmed it. To make matters worse, the sheriff's office said he was driving with a revoked license, which had previously been taken away because of an earlier DWI conviction.

You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three. That was strike three. After being processed, he was released to another, and presumably sober party to get a ride home. With all those issues, this guy willingly walked into the police station to try to pick his friend up. Yep.

He's a good friend. He's a good friend. He's going down on the ship. If my buddy's going down, I'm going down with him. A bride in Poland threw more than just a bouquet at her wedding day. She started throwing punches, too. The 42-year-old newlywed ended the night in jail, still wearing her wedding gown after a drunken mother-daughter melee at the reception.

The seething bride punched her mom so many times that the Rocky reception became a knockdown Drago fight, only ending when she was able to club her in the thunderlips, sending her to the floor. A sobriety test later found the blitzed bride at a blood alcohol level of 0.15, which police say is nearly eight times the legal limit in Poland. They're very strict. Whoa, what? One more time. What was your BAC?

Point one five. That's eight times the least? I mean, I'm no good at arithmetic, but... They're very strict. apparently. What sparked the family feud remains unclear, but the investigation is ongoing. Point one-five, I mean, probably a lot of our listeners who are at work right now are point-15. Yeah. That doesn't seem that. Doesn't seem that terrible. Yeah, eight times again. I'll be damned. Here's a bride-related fun fact. The world record for the longest wedding veil,

23,000 feet. Why? Wedding. Why is that ever necessary? What is a wedding veil? It's like that they put over their face and that gets lifted after you walk down the aisle. Ah. And he kiss. So were they in an airplane or something, Josh? Not that I'm aware of. 23,000 feet? It's the same length as about 63.5 football fields or more than four miles long.

Why? I'm assuming it's one of those like where they make the giant submarine sandwich, you know, just to set a record of some sort. I bet she's really chill and low maintenance. Okay. so it may have never been worn. We're focusing too deeply on this and it's my fault. You're thinking too hard about this. I get curious sometimes.

I get it. I get it. I get it. I get a little funny sometimes and I want answers and I want them now. A Wisconsin driver who apparently thought he'd found a clever shortcut got a brutal dose of instant karma this month after removing a road closed barrier blocking his way and promptly driving his pickup straight into the freshly poured concrete. Oh, no. I forgot, did I send this to you a couple days ago? It's great. It's probably a little lower on the page. Yeah, maybe the second page. Photos shared by the Wisconsin Department of Transportation

showed the truck buried bumper deep and wet concrete, absolutely wrecking the vehicle and leaving behind an expensive mess. Feeling stuck, a motorist in Milwaukee County recently cemented their inability to adhere to signs after physically removing a road-closed barrier and proceeding to drive into freshly poured concrete. the Wisconsin Department of Transportation wrote on Facebook. Cruise placed barricades and signs for your safety and theirs. Please, never remove or ignore roadclothes signs or any other type of barriers, or this might happen to you, they wrote.

The internet wasted approximately zero seconds before pouring on the jokes. Florida man has moved to Wisconsin, one person commented. That's not concrete. That's Carmacrete, another joked. That guy is as brilliant as the guy who drove his. Tesla truck into a lake and told authorities he thought it would be okay because it was in Wade mode, a third reader wrote. And apparently this kind of things happened more often than you might think in the Badger State. One commenter said they worked on a highway paving crew and watched someone do the exact same thing twice.

According to the commenter, the paving crew responded by bringing in an end loader with forks attached and showing absolutely no mercy to the stranded vehicles either time. I like that they beat the vehicles up. Pretty good. I'm sure they were annoyed as all heck. With summer movie season ramping up, Spider-Man fans are getting an early return to that universe today, not on the big screen, but on streaming.

We've still got a couple months until Spider-Man makes his return at theaters. You pretty locked into the whole Spider-Man thing? I do like the Spider-Man movies. Oh. Yeah, I do like them. Spider-Man brand-new day comes out this summer, but a new eight-episode series from that universe premieres today on Prime Video, Spider Noir.

Oh, sounds romantic. I wear a little bit of that behind my ear when I go out looking for chicks. Yeah, that'll take the edge off that there. It stars Ropeslinger Nicholas Cage as the former web slinger Ben Riley, a seasoned down-on-his-luck private investigator in 1930s New York who was forced to confront his past after a deeply personal tragedy. while serving as the city's one and only superhero. Prime Video offers viewing in both color and black and white formats.

He's Vision in the Avengers movies, Jarvis and all the Iron Man movies, and Dryden Voss and Solo, a Star Wars story. Paul Bettney is 55 today. Todd Bridges from Different Strokes, 61. I still watch them. Damn near every day. I love that show. Old episodes of Different Strokes.

Terrible show. It really was awful. Oh, I loved it. You watch it every day and it's terrible? Yeah. I don't know why, but I just, I'm still drawn to. I'm still drawn to the Drummond family. The only man ever to scare Vince McMahon, Eric Bischoff, 71. In the late 90s, he took over World Championship wrestling and made it more successful than Vince's WWF, well, for a few years. You know. And then Vince put WCW out of business. He does seem like a very likable guy. Never had the chance, never had the pleasure to meet him.

Yeah, and I see him pop up in documentaries and stuff like that. It comes across really well and seems like a good dude. He does, where Vincent Kennedy McMahon is almost impossible to watch. Even look at these days. He is so disgusting in every way. I haven't seen that documentary, but not good from what I've heard. Oh. Not good. Which documentary?

The most recent one on some of the things he's accused of. Ah, that sucks. We're talking poopies and peepies. What's that? Oh. What about pooh-poo's and peopies? Vince is accused of doing some of those. Oh, no.

What? Yep. Happy belated birthday to Sparky Tim from Joe the Plumber. I wish you would video cameras in here as you can see the look on Nick's face. I got to learn more about this. Yeah, I know. Same here. You watch the documentary and Vince is accused of poo-poo's. And what else?

Peepies. Oh, no. In what order? You know, it doesn't matter. Yeah. And another belated birthday shout out this time to finish Harrison Ford Jesus from I put the unit in community property, Jesus. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver.

on the half-assed morning show. Ten seconds to go. Landis Scott, stopped by stone. Michael sends it in. Three seconds to go. They shut it down last night, Randy Shaver. They certainly did. In the NHL's Western Conference final final, they shut it smoothed down.

Unbelievable. The Las Vegas Golden Knights up and swept the heavily favored Colorado Avalanche. They won game four last night. to one skis. So much for my argument about changing the format back. Yeah, that, the NHL is going to walk away from this and say,

well, why would we change it? Why would we do it? Yep, you're right. When we had this incredible upset in the conference final, final, final, final. Yep. So Las Vegas will be playing for the Cup for the third time in the last nine seasons. They won the whole smear three years ago. Can you imagine that?

You're a franchise like the North Stars slash Wild, and you've been there one time in your entire history, and they've been there three times in nine years of existence. That's crazy. It's kind of funny. God, that just sucks. It does suck. Well, just for the record, the North Stars were there twice.

Just for the record, they were there twice. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. And it's Las Vegas. It's not even like hockey town. It's just, God.

We covered that a little earlier. We talked about how it would be healthy if we here in the Upper Midwest and the Canadian folks and the folks on the East Coast. It'd be healthy if we all finally let that go because year after year, it's Florida, Tampa Bay, Carolina, Las Vegas. Who am I missing? Maybe the Los Angeles Kings get in there. And we always make the same joke. Oh, big hockey hotbeds. Oh, big hockey.

We have to finally let that go because it's been happening. You're right. It happens over and over and over and over. We have to accept it. I don't personally like it. And? Yes, Randy. And they support their teams.

They do. They fill the rink. When I was a senior in high school, there were 22 teams in the National Hockey League. I wish that never would have changed. There are too many teams. But we have to finally let go of this well. They don't love their hockey. They're in Florida.

They're in Texas. They're in Carolina. because it's just a thing. You're right. Gritty is the word that was used to describe this Vegas club. And they did take that high-powered Colorado offense and they threw it right into the toilet. Hell, last night, the avalanche,

who looked just slicker than snot, the majority of that series against the pigs, video game-style puck movement. Last night, Colorado went 50, 15 minutes of game time without a shot on goal. Man. That's amazing. They averaged something like 3.9 goals a game during the regular season.

In this short series with Las Vegas, Colorado had averaged about a goal 1.2. You know, they just, Nathan McKinnon, 53 goals during the regular season, didn't get on the board in this series. Here's a stat I just saw come across. The avalanche finish of the regular season with 121 points, which is top. 10 all time. They're 8 and 1 through the first two rounds of the playoffs. Vegas sweeping that team after a 39 win season and firing their head coach with eight games left is one of the biggest upsets in recent sports. I'll go along with it. Here's something for a derelict gambler like yourself, Randy

Schaeber, going into the series. It was 30 to 1 odds that Vegas would sweep the series. Wow. Avalanche, like Dana just said, they won the president's trophy. I'll guarantee there was a derelict that took that bet. Oh, absolutely. Somebody took a $20 flyer on that. Oh, yeah. This ruins the vibe right here.

Several Las Vegas Raiders players were at the game, including quarterback's Kurt Cousins and Fernando Mendoza. Oh, just leave us alone, will you? Just leave us alone. Up in a suite with nothing to be served with apple juice and cookies. Yeah, I'd imagine. Who wrote this article, Josh? Why did they have to include Kurt Cousers?

in this friggin article. Well, they're looking for something to ask. AI. AI probably wrote it nowadays. Those guys are such squares. They probably left the game early to get to bed. Uh-oh. What happened?

I've done that before. Well, not a game, I guess. A concert. I've seen enough. Canadian pop singer Corey Hart's son Carter Hart stopped 20 shots in goal for the Knights. And as you mentioned just a minute ago, Dana, management fired head coach Bruce Cassidy, who won the cup with him three years ago. Management fired Bruce Cassidy with eight games left in the regular season.

In came idiot John Tortorella, and here they are. Here they friggin are. Did you ever say why don't you like him? The way he carries himself, is that pretty much it? That's one reason. Yeah. Get comfortable, Josh. The guy just comes off like such a self-absorbed puke.

Yeah, he kind of does. I've never enjoyed any time he's interviewed, I just want to reach through the television and choke him. He does kind of have that air about him a little bit. But he wins. Well, yeah, he jumps on board with a veteran club and they carried him to victory. I'll go along with that. Game four, the Eastern Conference series is scheduled to begin at 7 o'clock tonight.

North Carolina, what do they know about hockey? They're playing at Montreal. Le Abiton. The president's trophy curse lives another year is a message that was just texted into me from Zelda Master Jesus. It doesn't often mean much when you have that great regular season record.

Didn't Boston have that unbelievable season a few years ago? And then just in the first round, Florida gutted them. Yeah. It was beautiful. That was beautiful. It was. Ah.

All right. Here we go again. Here's a text message. It came in from a 6-1 tour. Friggin' citiate. That goes back to some jokes we were trading earlier in case you're wildly confused by my attitude. This individual texted in to say the only thing we've learned from watching the National Hockey League and National Basketball Association playoffs.

is that the timber wolves and the pigs are light ears from going to the finals. Yes. I don't know if I'd call it light years. Do you really think light years? I don't. Especially the wild. I don't think for the wild. No, no.

The pigs are doing all right, and they're going to be all right. So there you go. What's this say now? Torts. That's what they call John Tortorella, Josh. I haven't heard that. A listener texted in to say that Torts hasn't won Dick since 2000. What the hell was he doing in 2004?

What club was he involved in back then? I am Groot, Jesus. Tampa Bay. Oh, was he behind that club? Mm-hmm. What a prick. A lot of hockey text being sent in here. So there you go.

Vegas is going to have to wait around for a little bit. Going to have to wait around a little bit. I'm sure they're fine with that. Whoopi Jesus. Wuby, Jesus. Jesus. Texted in to say, Nick, with two exclamation points.

You say all the time that you hate the soft-ass coaches and players these days, and we finally got one, John Tortorella, and you hate him. Yeah, it's a coincidence. I like coaches who are old school and aren't afraid to slap their players on top of the head or call them morons or bench a star player. I do like coaches like that. It's just a damn shame that, yeah, John Tortoer. is one of those coaches, but he's just such a douche.

Sorry, it's a bad coincidence. Yes, I know, I know. The guy's texting his nuts off here. I should love him. You're right, because of everything I just said, I should love him, but I don't. I don't. He's almost perfect, almost perfect. All right, some of you are going to go ahead and say that this is the liquor talking.

But God dang, that was a great twins game last night. one of the best I've seen in a long time. I'm happy to say this out loud because it's been a while since I've been able to say it. Last night's game was everything that I love about baseball, and it happened during a Twins game. Do you see what I'm saying? And it happened against the White Sox.

Mm-hmm. Twins were playing at the Chicago White Sox. She went into X-Rees, went into X-Rees until Brooks Lee ripped a bases-loaded double the Twinnies beat the Sox 5-3 in 11 innings. This was just an awesome ball game. And this club is tough. It's time to start giving credit where credit is due.

This club is tough. They won seven out of their last nine. They had lost seven straight against the White Sox going into last night's game. But I think they're proven that they're worthwhile. Anybody with me? Yes. Yeah. They're much more competitive than a lot of us thought.

I told you it was going to be that bad. In the off season, when you guys are just laughing, your balls off over, I said it ain't going to be that bad. So far. As of right now. It's worked out. Yeah. I mean, I worry about the everyday lineup.

I just don't see the punch in this everyday lineup. And, you know, it's only, we're not even into June yet, so we've got a long way to go. Sure we do. But so far, I think what, you know, I think what people are hoping for, is that Royce Lewis will find his way, get back into this lineup. Maybe they'll bring in a couple of these young guys.

I mean, James Outman is just so struggling right now. I mean, he's barely hitting his weight. I think he struck out four times last year. Yeah, he was bad. He's been bad. And, you know, so there's these young guys in AAA that everybody's waiting for. But I think they'll be very helpful for this team. I think there's some things to be, you know, excited about right now for what we see so far.

And I think what's really held up this whole thing is the pitching. The starting pitching has held them up. I mean, last night, Joe Ryan was very good, nine strikeouts. Oh, God, he was terrific. It was a damn shame. It was a damn shame what happened to him. Dude hit a two-run home run. Was that in the eighth inning?

Yep. Yeah. Maricama. Yep. But, I mean, the bullpins. Ben last night was rock solid. They've been good lately.

They've been better. Yeah. There's some things that are falling into place. This game had great pitching, a triple. Cody Clemens, I think it was, hit a triple. Plays at the plate. Great defense. It made me feel good to be a twins fan again,

watching the game last night. Tonight, the White Sox are starting a kid called David Sandlin. That's his, this will be his big league debut. The twins are throwing Connor pre-lip so I was as you can tell terribly pleased by what I saw last night it was just a fun effing ball game if Zebby Matthews and Connor prelip

can continue what they're doing right now and be you know be steady in those starting positions if Ryan stays healthy they've got a chance to you know to be very competitive throughout this whole summer which I think is

maybe more than what people thought they would be. I'd say much more. Yeah, yeah. All right, we got to go back to hockey here real quick because of a text message I just received from a listener who says, I was told the humbling reason why Minnesota can't lock down a cup. And I was told this, our listener says, by a retired player with two Stanley Cups.

Boys don't want to play here because of the state taxes I mean, that gets into a subject. I've heard that before. That gets into a subject that I am wildly unfamiliar with. But that's also why guys own houses in different states. Right. I mean, I think that'd be a good question for Marcus sometime if we get him back. Because we've never really talked to him about that.

We don't get into income tax with Marcus. No, but what I'm saying, though, is trust me, those players all talk about. Oh, yeah. You know, the pros and cons of living and working in certain cities and what the benefits are. And I mean, Vegas, for example, there's no state tax. So that makes Florida, same thing. That makes those places appealing when you're a professional athlete. There's another reason in here.

I'm sure there's something to that for sure. There's another reason in here from this listener. Boys don't want to play here because of state taxes and a lack of hot women. Oh, really? We've always heard. I mean, maybe people are just giving us some lip service, but that Minnesota has some of the hottest women around. We've heard that so many times.

This is a listener who claims he had a conversation. I believe him, he had a conversation with a retired player who's won two Stanley Cup. State taxes and not enough hot squish. I mean, okay, that all may be true. Fine, I'll go along with it. I don't follow state taxes. I'll go along with it. But you have to admit, let's not start getting out the violins and having some

woes me parade for the pigs. If you watched this team this season, you know that they are very close. They're very close. It's not like they got blown out in the opening round like they normally do. This team is very, I will go to, I'll fight to the death on that. This club is so close to being there that I think it's only a matter of time. So, but that's very interesting. These are subjects that I don't follow.

All right, back to baseball now. Back to baseball. God dang it, I should have told somebody about this video. I just stumbled upon it when Ashley gets back in here. Did anyone see what happened at the Brewers game last night? No. Nope. Brewers were playing the St. Louis Cardinals.

Brewer's manager Pat Murphy is upset. Oh, I did see this. Abner Uribe, yep. Abner Uribe. I think we did post this. Oh, we did? Oh, wonderful. Check it out on 93.

I sent it to her. Let me see you. Okay. Abner Uribe is on the bump for the Brewers, and he gets a big strikeout over the Cardinals in this game last night. Brewers were up 6-0. This Uribe guy gets a big strikeout to close out a half-in-e It's up there.

Okay, great. Thank you, Josh, 93X.com. And he kind of beats his chest a couple times. You know how athletes do? Because they're very proud of themselves. He does that for a minute. Then he turns towards the, how do you call it the other club again? St. Louis Cardinals.

He turns towards the Cardinals dugout and gives them three big DX suck it. He did a great job. Baboon, bab boom, bab boom, three of them. His manager is not happy. Oh, yeah. He got the hips in doing everything. Yeah. That's some vintage Sean Michael stuff right there.

Yeah, it was great. That is hilarious. There had to be something that led into that. You know, he just doesn't do that out of nowhere. Your Rebae claimed that the Cardinals' dugout was acting like Dix. Whatever. I mean, I don't remember the details, but Uribe did say, hey, the Cardinals kind of had it coming. I don't know what kind of jaw jacking was exactly happening over there.

If I was in sixth grade again, that would have been my new favorite baseball player. Right. I like it as a 51 year old. Well, the manager said he was embarrassed. Pat Murphy, the skipper said, I don't know what came over him. I know he's an emotional guy, but that kind of thing. That's not how we do things. I was embarrassed by it.

What are we doing here, he says. I love the kid. Believe me, I love your rebate. But that's unacceptable, and it's not going to be tolerated. Pat Murphy with his. See, now, Pat Murphy's your kind of guy. Pat Murphy? He's your kind of manager.

Yeah, old school. Yeah, he puts pancake sandwiches in his pockets And he chews out his relievers In the press I mean, he's your He's kind of old school Like that

Yeah, he's an old timer Yeah Here's someone who texted in to say No Hot women in Minnesota And where do you think they went next, Jack? Oh, don't even Right medical device Jesus said the LA Kings

the LA Kings had some great runs back in the day and taxes are never worse than California yeah tell the Kings what did they win three cups in a 12 year span or something you're sorry I'm drawn to this because I've never heard that conversation before you hear nightlife right that comes up they want something to do the night life right I've heard the taxes thing

Yeah. We love freakish-odd baseball injuries around here. And, you know, add this to the pile. A Los Angeles Dodgers star prospect kid was injured by the team's bat dog. You know, players have hurt themselves when sneezing, bad dreams about spiders is the greatest ever. Of course, we just discussed this not that long ago. one player mangled himself when he had a bad dream about spiders ironing a shirt while wearing it. Here's a fresh one. So this Dodgers kid, this was Monday night, a game between the Tulsa Drillers and the northwest Arkansas dandelions. I don't know. It doesn't matter.

But this Dodgers prospect is named Kendall George. He plays for the Tulsa Drillers. He's a center fielder and he's a solid player. He had just crossed home plate after scoring on a line drive. As he's making his way back toward the dugout, the team's bat retrieving dog suddenly sprinted toward him. The dog was excited to do its job, which is to collect the baseball bats.

This George kid had to jump up over the dog and something gave way in one of his legs. And now he's injured. Oh, he looked so mad. Oh, he had a pantwetting about it. it making the dog feel like a bad dog even though clearly uh that dog is a very good dog isn't it josh oh i think so he went to go get the bats doing his job yeah he didn't mean to but the kid was all upset this kendall george was pissed off that the dog ran at him and he had to jump over

that and he hurt himself at this point the full extent of his injuries are unknown is that video up on our website i believe so yes poor bat dog he didn't mean any harm you are right randy Yeah, I'm just watching the video. Did he look furious? Oh, my gosh. It wasn't that big a deal. He didn't have to jump that high. He acted like a child. Come on.

But I guess he hurt himself. I don't know. He was just a silly little accident. Hey, Randy Shaver, all-time great Atlanta brave Bob Horner has died. He was the first overall pick in the 1978 Big League draft. played for the Braves for eight years, won the National League rookie of the year. Yes, he did. In the 1980s season, Bob Horner

turned out to be the first Braves player to hit four dongs in a single ball game. He did that against a club that doesn't exist anymore, the Montreal Expos. Bob had a wife and a couple of kids. He wasn't terribly old. I lost it. How old? 68.

68. 68? Yeah. Now, the reason I, I mean, I feel great sympathy to his friends and family. But the reason I wanted to bring up Bob Horner is if you're a younger person, and you've never seen a picture of Bob Horner when he was a player, he was one of those ballplayers from the 70s and 80s, where if you're a younger person, you'd never believe that he was a pro athlete.

Yep. There's a lot of those guys. The 70s and 80s were loaded with pro athletes who were talented, but you can tell by looking at them, they didn't work out a day in their life. Oh, come on with this. This is awesome. Are you looking at Bob Horner? I'm looking at Bob Horner. You've never seen him before? No. Isn't that something? That's great. Oh, that's great. Bob Horner, Greg Luzinski, Frank Howard. I could go on with so many, you know, different, you know, Wilberwood, guys that just, they do not look like after.

Right. Bob Horner looks like the guy in your beer league team that comes to the park, five beers deep already before he gets to the field. That was the beauty of those athletes from that era is they could throw and they could hit and they could field. Did they work out? Absolutely not. Did they absolutely live it up off the field? Yes, you can tell by looking at them. They had a great time. And some of them actually worked in the off season. Yeah. Baseball was just part of what they did. And that's one of the reasons why they didn't train. in the offseason very much because they had to work.

Right. He had that Christopher Atkins from Blue Lagoon hairdo? Yeah. Thank God Bob Horner wasn't the guy swimming naked with Brooke Shields in that movie, by the way. I'm just reading here. His major league debut, he hit a home run off of. Okay, 1978? Yep.

His major league debut? He's a National League player. I'll say he hit his first career home run. run off of I'll go Tom Seaver Burt Blyleaven The Pittsburgh Pirates Burt Blyleaven

One of only a few that He was just going to say You can say You can say your first home run It was off a Hall of Famer but then you say Blyleven it kind of takes a little of the juice out of it Yeah

Bert gave up a few That's too bad Bob Horner Yeah he uh They loved him in Atlanta. He was that prototypical power hitter, you know. That hairdo. Yep.

Beautiful. Oh, and great points sent in by a couple of listeners now, but originally it came in from spooky spaghetti Jesus. Back to these 70s, 80s athletes who were obviously very talented. If we're going to talk, let's just, I guess, just stick to baseball. Let's just use baseball as an example. They could throw, they could hit, they could feel, Did they work out? No. Did they go out and drink and smoke cigarettes every friggin' night they could? Absolutely.

And spooky spaghetti Jesus pointed it out and he's not the only one. And these some bitches never got injured. Good point. They stayed on the friggin' field. Yeah, not very often. Yeah, so what is it about? It's just a totally different scene now. Overtraining, maybe. Over training. Yeah, that's what a lot of folks say. It's probably part of it. I mean, they didn't grow up, you know, they probably didn't grow up playing one sport their whole life, right?

And I think that's where a lot of these injuries can come from is the overtraining of playing just one thing from the time you're eight years old until, you know, you're in the majors or whatever. Speaking of athletes, baseball players not looking, you know, like chiseled athletes. I love a quote from like 2001 when the steroid scandal is kind of happening in baseball. And somebody in the clubhouse got asked, I can't remember with Twins player. I got to ask, you know, about steroids.

You know, do you have any, do you think it's rampant in this locker room? And he said, go look at Mankavich without his shirt on and then come back and ask me that question again. Didn't look good without a shirt on? He was the super fox. He's a good-looking guy, but I'm guessing, you know, he didn't have that Barry Bond's physique to him, obviously. I don't think very many of them did in that day.

I wish they would have. Yeah. Dave says, you know, you can't pull fat. Oh. I've heard that before. Yeah, it's like when somebody has a strained oblique, I don't have to worry about that. You're good? I'm good on that.

Josh has an answer. Oh, I don't have an answer. Well, then why did you write this note? Oh, it was just a text I wanted you to see. I thought that was an off-air thing. Oh, this is a text that we received. Oh, I thought you were trying to make a joke. No.

Do you want me to ignore the text? It was an off-air thing. Okay. Oh, okay. I don't think that would go off of it very well. Nick, there's a, I just Google. you know, I don't even know what I put in there exactly, but old-time players, why they don't look like athletes kind of a thing.

Here's one that probably makes a lot of sense. Different skilled demands. Historically, baseball prioritized hand-eye coordination, reaction time, and spatial awareness, skills that don't inherently require a sculpted physique. Right. Power generation relied on timing, leverage, and technique rather than explosive gym-built muscle mass.

So the way the baseball players approached the game and what was important to them really didn't mean that their body had to be this sculpted body in order for them to achieve what they needed to achieve. Good point. Which is what we see now. Good point. Sometimes like the pitchers, you're like that's an athlete, like a C.C. Sabathia. And the game has changed so much now where it's all about power hitting and power pitching.

That wasn't the case in the 70s and the 80s. There was small ball, you know. It says here many players smoked cigarettes in the dugout and regularly consumed beer, which directly impacted their body composition. Yeah, I mean, it is. It's a totally different approach. Probably was more fun back then.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I bet it was so much fun. To be on the road with a major league baseball team in the 70s and the 80s, my God, you had the time of your life. You're right. It is very different how they train, how they prepare, and how the game is played is totally different. And it mirrored real life.

I mean, that's kind of what real life was too. Right. Oh, wow. This is so funny. And if you know what Bob Horner, we're talking about the death of Bob Horner and it's parlayed into a conversation about how athletes have changed. Bob Horner did not look like an athlete.

This is so perfect. If you know the reference, you're going to love this. Bob Horner is the grown-up version of the kid from Bad Santa. You're right. That's a great movie. Look at the face. Look at the hairdo. F me running.

That is the most perfect example of the day right there. Yep. All right. Oklahoma City beat San Antonio. I can't watch. I've watched the game last time. Why? I didn't see you.

Because I just... I have loved the series, but last time I couldn't. do it. They couldn't do it. Well, Wimbunyama looked like he was lost last night. He did not look like he was engaged. I don't know if he wasn't feeling well or just didn't he just really

wasn't engaged. And I think Oklahoma City took advantage of that. You know, the whole key to this series, Shea Gillis certainly is a great player. It's their bench. O'KC's bench is so good.

and you never know from night to night which one of those guys is got. I mean, Caruso's been pretty steady, but you never know from night to night which one of those guys is going to step up and have the big game. And that's the difference in the series. I mean, San Antonio's got a good bench. They got some really good players. Oh, yeah. Harper, Luke Cornett.

I like Luke Cornyette a lot. Yeah. that are built to last for a long time. Like I said earlier, I was totally dialed into the Twins game last night, and I'm so thankful that I stuck with the ballgame. I'm not saying I'm done with this series. I'll probably catch a little bit of game six. If it goes to a game seven, sure.

I mean, I can't turn away altogether just because I am a basketball fan. But just these two clubs, I don't know what it is. I just can't do it. I can't commit myself. probably it has something to do with the just egregious glazing that is going on the entire broadcast by the announced teams my god wamba yamba this sGA that they just go on and on and on it's no longer really dissecting what we're watching it's just just constant BJ it's it's difficult to listen to. It's horrible.

I mean, just call the game. We just, I mean, you guys know what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. So anyway, but by the way, have you seen the America hates the Oklahoma City Thunder articles online? They're everywhere. Yeah. Oh, dude. You're not kidding. Everyone's burned out on their flopping crap. So America has now turned on the thunders. Something that I did a year ago and everyone told me I was crazy.

They're so hateable, but not like the fun kind of. hateable. It's not a fun kind of hateable. No, it's not like the big boss villain type. It's just they're annoying. Well, you know what? We, we, if you're not the winning team, we all don't like winners. That's just what it boils down to. Say that again? If you're not that winning team, then nobody likes you. It's just we don't like, we didn't, we don't like the boss, the Celtics. Oh, but, but Randy, there's a difference here. No, no, they're all the same. You're going to disagree with before my explanation? How do you know what I was going to?

We don't like the New England. Patriots. Randy, you're almost making my point right now. The difference is the Oklahoma City Thunder are not the Boston Celtics or the New England Patriots or the Montreal Canadians or the New York Yankees or Los Angeles Lakers. They just got here. That's the difference. But America's already turned on them. I think that's a notable exception there.

I see what you mean. But they're not any of those clubs you mentioned. Not yet. be 20 years from now. I know you didn't like this subject a year ago, but I don't know, I can't help it. I can't help it. Another article that says, could John Morant and Anthony Edwards play together with the time? I don't know.

Maybe it would be a thing. Don't do that. I'd rather have Kyrie here than John Moran. Yeah, me too, but let's say that Kyrie might be ready to come over. I saw something yesterday. John Morant? and Zion Williamson. Oh, Zion Williamson.

Those two guys. Don't do that. You're just exchanging... You're exchanging Gobert and Julius Randall for John Morant and Zion. That's not. Zion Williamson.

How many games does he average a year? Like 25, 30? The poor guy. John Morant's the same way. Oh, he's been hurt lately. You're right. You're right. But there's something so cool

about that combination in my head, John Morant and Anthony, what do you call it? Maybe four years ago, maybe. Yeah, that's what you guys said when I brought it up last time. But maybe John Morant has a resurgence in his career. Oh, God. Now you're, you know what's that, Josh? It'd be fun to see it here. If it would have it in the Timberwolves.

By the way, did you hear that the Timberwolves are going to undergo some kind of rebranding? Oh, for F's sake. Whoa. I think people are pretty excited. about this. I know. I'm tired of it, too. Come on.

I'm tired of it too. All of that is about money. Of course it is. Nothing to do with anything else. Of course it is. But it's so tiring. It is. It's tough to keep up with for Christ's sake every year they've changed the...

What was that? Just getting the beep ready in case Randy goes for it again. Oh my God. I didn't go for it. Well, I mean, yeah, man, what the... Were you thinking when you almost... We get Randy on the... In radio.

He comes off with the Mouth Like he's a drunken Sailor Well here's the thing Okay yeah Rebranding They're just trying to sell more jerseys

We all know what's behind it But what I found kind of interesting Is they put some kind of a tease online And it looks as if they're going to go back To like the original Blue and Green From the early early original days Which I think that'd be kind of nice

I think that's what has people so excited, not that it's a rebrand or refresh, which is the fact that they might be going back to the OG colors. And they can bring Kevin Garnett back in that part of the thing. Oh, sure. KG's first year, he wore, maybe the first couple of years he wore the... Yep, yep. The trees and the jagged, scary numbers and that whole movement

that, you know, everyone was touching themselves over the black uniforms with the green and the trees and the scary, jagged numbers. That was okay. and everything, but that was not my favorite. My favorite was the original, just plain green and blue, and it just said, wolves. I love that look. If they do that, I'll be a happy guy.

But, yeah, we all know it's kind of silly. Normally, I don't give two pumps about the NBA postseason awards, jibber, jabber, the all-first team, this and that. But how in the world is our favorite cold-blooded pimp Jaden McDaniels left off of the all-NBA defensive team lineup? Yeah, I don't know. He wasn't in there anywhere. I know.

I think he received like one vote. That's stupid. The coach of the year is Joe Missoula from the Boston. Me running. Me sideways. It's kind of fun. Having a cuss button. Big fat right in your face.

Oh, God. Whoa, right there. It's a big fat in your face, and you can't get away from the thing. Manny Fernandez. Now we've got another dead person here. Mani Fernandez, all-time great for the Miami Dolphins. He died at 79 years old. Another guy who didn't look like an athlete.

I didn't even put two and two together when I was sifting through this stuff earlier. Mani Fernandez did not look like an athlete. Terrific defensive lineman back when Miami was a power. House Ball Club in the 70s with Bob Greasy, Larry Zonka, Jim Kick, Mercury Morris, Nick Bonacotti, Larry Little. Yep. If you don't know, Manny Fernandez, look up his picture. Did this guy know what to do with facial hair or what? He certainly did.

He knew what to do. Josh, what do you call the facial hair where the sideburns come down? What is that? And then it just connects to a mustache. I don't know what that name would be. No, you can't do that. Nothing on the chin, but the sideburns connect to your mustache. you call that? I've never seen anything like that in my life. There is a term for it because facial

hair like what am I wearing right now? I think I'm wearing like a metropolitan or something like where the goatee. There's all kinds of different names for facial hair. Is it a mutton chop? Mutton chop. I think that's it. Oh, okay. I thought that was just thick sideburn. Oh, that might be right. Well, I don't know. Maybe you're right. The sideburns connect to the mustasters. No hair on the chin. That was Manny Fernandez back in the 70s. Yeah, it looks like it is mutton chop. You're right, David. Oh, all right. Looks like I have a new look to strive for.

Maybe I'll do that. I got to shave here soon. The poor guy died. I don't know how, man, he died. But I love those old dolphins teams, man. Randy Shaver yesterday, you know, we were talking about the Chicago White Sox, and you said, it's kind of nice to see them competitive again. If I could think of an NFL team that I'd like to see climb the ladder again,

it would be the Miami Dolphins because I have such fond memories from when I was a kid. of those 70s teams and, of course, the 80s teams with Dan Marino and Mark Duper and Mark Clayton and Keith Byers and the Blackwood brothers on defense. And who was that other interior linemen that was so good? Bocamp. Was it BoCamp? What was his name? It doesn't matter.

Mani died. And you also have to clarify which Manny Fernandez, too, because... Oh, what did I... Well, no, you're right. It's the dolphin, but... Oh, the goalie. The goalie, too, is out there. Sorry.

So you have to clarify between the two if you don't say it right away. I had forgotten about the old pigs goalie, Mani Fernandez. Yeah, he was a player too. He was a friggin player. Jesus, I didn't mean to scare anybody out there. I apologize. Oh, wow. Mutton chops, people are saying.

That's the, we settled on that, Josh? Mutton chops. Yeah. Seems that way, yeah. There's a couple other ones coming in, but mutton chops is the number one answer. I can't think of any other player other than Fernandez that wore the bonchops. Some people are saying it's called the Colonial. I don't know. It's funny.

If you ever looked up different names for facial hairstyles? Yeah, some of them. No. Yeah, have you seen those like posters and have examples of a bunch of them? The barbershop used to have them up. My old barbershop. Oh, really? Did you just pick one?

Yes. Yeah, I'll take it number seven. So if you had it, well, no, you had to name it. You had to say. Say it by name? Yeah, the colonial or the metropolitan or the, the, I don't know, the Southern gentlemen. You know, there's all these.

If you had a beard, you'd come in and point it out, then the barber would shave it down to what. Give us some of those, Josh, if you can get them in front of you. So these ones aren't like really cool names. You got goate, royal beard, circle beard, mutton chops, chin strap beard, chavron mustache. For a stretch of time, I had the chin strap beard, and I'm embarrassed to say that I wore it for as long as I did.

It looks so stupid. I bet it did. There's the anchor beard. I want to be clear, though. It wasn't thin. It wasn't terribly thin. You see, mine had a little heft to it. But still, it was just a sideburns that came down to my, I don't want anyone to

picture me with those, like a pencil thin one. That's what I was picturing you. Oh, no, I would never, I would never ever go along with something like that. I think, uh, I think that someone should try to grow the Fu Manchu. Well, Josh and I have done that. You've grown a Fu Manchu? Yes. Yes.

Yes. A number of years ago when we used to do the BroVember, what was that gimmick? MoVemba, yeah, yeah. MoVembre. Oh, yeah, yeah. We would grow mustaches to show support for the cause, which was men's cancer research.

Prostate, whatever. We did some mustaches, but one year we grew her all the way down, like the James Hetfield Handelbar mustache, the old school James Hetfield, not the new. And I really like that look on both of us, Josh. Matter of fact, I won, best facial hair on my

beer league hockey club. Oh, wow. Nice. For my... And by the way, my mom does not ride mutton shops, are they? Can't talk about anything. Moustache rides? What do they cost these days? 25 cents in my day for a mustache ride.

A quarter? Yeah. Dang, times have changed. Oh, God. Am I correct about this? In the old movie Mask, Not Jim Carrey. Eric Stoltz and Cher, the story of Rocky Dennis. Do you know what younger people mask?

I've heard of it. I know the Jim Carrey one. You should watch the story of Rocky Dennis because it's a true story. It's very emotional. It really is a great movie. It is emotional. Yes. Poor guy, Rocky Dennis.

He loved Catmandoo by Bob Seeger in the Silver Bullet Band. He did. In the movie, Sam Elliott stars, I believe, as Cher's boyfriend. Share is the mother of Rocky Dennis. In the movie, tell me if this is the marijuana talking. Sam Elliott's character in the movie wears a T-shirt that says mustache rides 25 cents. That's cheap. That's what it used to be back in the day, Ashman.

And he has, he's had one for a long time. That's the king of mustache. Mustache rides 25 cents. A t-shirt. He wore it around town. I can't get over that. All right. We talked a little bit about the silly World Cup of soccer nonsense

that's coming to the States this summer. How about this now? At the final final championship game, whenever that is, that'll likely be on television, right? Yes, yes. The final final title game between somebody and somebody else at the World Cup of Soccer at halftime, Shakira, Madonna, and something called Beach.

will be putting on a show for us. Whoa, that's a pretty big deal. A lot of soccer fans are not happy about that. The Shakira. What would they prefer? The Madonna. Nothing. What is the BTS?

It's a K-pop group. Yeah, Korean boy band. They're very popular. Why is, why don't soccer fans want to see Shakira, Madonna, and the BTS? They've never done it at the halftime show at the World Cup final. So they don't want a halftime show at all? No, they don't want nothing. What if it's red panda?

Oh, okay. Josh, there's an exception to everything. You're right. Because that'd be if they didn't want that. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, if you don't want to see Madonna, Shakira, and BTS, when you can go ahead and eat a big bowl of a bit of far as I'm going to start. You know what, Josh, Manny Fernandez had the mutton shops we were talking on and on.

I forgot. The legend himself, Lemmy Kilmeister. Oh, yeah. Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, he wore that, didn't he? Yeah. I just saw a pair.

painting of him actually the other day. And they had that. Lemmey wore that his whole life. His whole damn life. All right. Well, I'll be watching Shakira and Madonna and the BTS. You know, the... Not the soccer, though.

No, no, I don't care about this. I'll text you when it's going to halftime. There's a certain group folks that's the same with the Super Bowl. They turn in... Yeah, yeah, tune in, and that's it. But the BBC's not airing it, right? That was kind of the story. Yeah, there's not going to air in England.

They just wouldn't do it. They think it just takes away from the game. BBC, I know what that stands for. Big bodacious, that's what it stands for. I find that hilarious that they're just not going to air it. What? Who's not going to air what? They're not going to air the halftime show in parts of Europe

because they just think it's so silly and ridiculous. Why don't they get over themselves and enjoy a halftime show? They're messing out. They don't like how it's too Americanized for them. With the soccer matches in Europe, you go to the game, There's no pregame fireworks. There's no halftime show. There's no pageantry.

It's just you're there for the match and that's it. That's why Covey and I have had a slogan for years. It's, Europe. Not the band. Not the band. Oh, the band's excellent. I mean, what if Madonna?

I don't know anything by Shakira or BTS, but Madonna, she comes out. She's British, isn't he, based on the accent. Yeah. How dare they turn their backs on one of their own? Her new accent. I know she's got kind of a different look. going these days, but if Madonna comes out and cuts loose with some of her old hits,

I'm going to dress you up in my love. She's got some all over your body. All over your body. I love that music video. Oh, my damn. When I saw Madonna dress you up for the first time on music television, I thought, wow, this is what we're going for, boys. That was our first 45.

My sister got to pick. Dress you up? No, like a virgin. Oh, right. Again, the most conservative. and you said your folks, I always enjoyed this story because Josh had these overbearing Catholic parents who didn't allow anyone in the house to have any fun.

But yet you bought the song like a virgin. Yeah. But you said your folks were so clueless, they thought maybe it was positive? Like a purity thing. I didn't know what a virgin was either. What do you mean you didn't know what a virgin was? Well, came out what?

I was like... 84. Yeah, I was going to say 1984. So I was in fourth grade. I'd never heard the term. What the hell kind of upbringing did you suffer through? A different one than you. Gonna dress you up in my love?

Watch that music video today if you don't know it. And you'll understand why I rounded out the corners of every couch in my parents' household. That's, dude. Oh, my God. I mean, I put a down on those couches. Your couch. I know folks are.

probably saying, well, what about material girl? What about the actual track like a virgin? What about holiday? What was the other? She was real, really beautiful in the video. What was that one? She's, give me that other Madonna song where she looked

just gorgeous in the video. I'm kind of forgetting ones you already said. Early years, earlier years. In the video, she's like a Papa don't preach? No, earlier than that. She's kind of a while. Eighty-four. Come on. In the video, She's dancing around with spray paint cans in her hands. I don't know if I saw that one.

Just keep naming Madonna songs. I got to get to the bottom of this. You named all the ones I know. Did you already say Holiday? I'm sorry, I don't remember what you said. Holiday was the big one, yeah. Come on. Material girl?

No, I said that already. She's dancing around. She's got spray paint cans. We're not going off air until we figured this one out. What the hell was that effing song? Borderline? Borderline. Borderline.

Yes. So all of those. those were great, but for me, dress you the F up. That was where it's at. All right, Randy, we'll let you escape this nightmare. Thank you. You got anything to say to Randy on his way out, Josh? Have a nice day. There you go. Same to you. We'll be back with more here in a few minutes. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on to Habs, podcasters?

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Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E. And it spells relief for you.

Full Send GAL. You guys know how much I really, really love golf. Bullsen golf, 2V2. Me and VOD versus Big John and Kyle. Oh, it feels good to be back. On the links with the boys. Join the party on the golf course. Back to golf in a big way.

Now what? Practice. Let's go. Let's hit the range. I was like, let's go to the range. We are headed to the golf. You want to go off with us? No.

You don't play golf? No. Try. We got to break par. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah. Bullsen golf.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed Morning Show 93X Yeah, here we are again It's the 93X Half-Affast Morning Show Hope all as well With the brother and the sister hood

Cubby liked that last one there That Skid Row tune he did That's one of my favorite bands First band ever saw live 18 plus life they say What was that? 19 and 89 That's right

That was your very first concert The very first live band you saw Because they were opening for This is the part he doesn't like to bring up They were opening for But I don't know Jovi. He put on an awesome show. They're opening for Bon Jovi on Bon Jovi's

New Jersey tour. Skid Row. That first album is one of my all-time favorite. Park Avenue leads to what, Josh? Skid Row. As a kid, I thought that's so cool. They said the name in their song. Park Avenue leads to Skid Row everybody says. I think that this and this and that. Now, we went from 18 in life over to

Youth Gone Wild. We didn't mean to confuse things. Here we are. It's 8 to 34 on the program. It happened, Josh. It happened. I think we first heard of this. I'm going to go ahead and say it was a good decade ago, but now it is. Hit it big. It's made it in New York City.

If you can make it new, that's what they say in that dopey-ass old song. If you can make it there, you make it. Chess boxing is the latest workout trend in New York City. Chess boxing. Two things I can easily get my butt kicked in. Sounds painful.

Which part sounds painful. painful. Just the chest boxing in general. No, thank you. Why are you holding your chest? Did you hear it? It's chess.

Chess? I was thinking chest. Yeah. He's punch each other in the boobs? Jesus, crime. This changes things. No, that doesn't sound painful at all. Not chest boxing.

Chess, the board game. Oh. Am I right about that? I think we saw videos and stories about this a good 10 years ago. Yeah, now it's become like a fitness trend. Right. So that's the difference. Chess boxing.

There's a gym or two in Brooklyn, which has been running chess boxing events. They say no previous experience in either is required. Well, good. I've never seen a chess board in my life. You've never played chess? I love chess. Never seen a board in my life. I was in chess club and middle school.

Nice. You've never even seen one? Never seen one in person. Wow. Do you want me to bring mine in? I think I have two. I don't think I would apply myself to the game, but I appreciate the idea. No, I mean, you know my family and my background.

Why the hell would I ever cross past with a chessboard? I'm surprised you haven't seen one someplace, like a toy store even or something. Never saw it. Or had a cabin somewhere. I feel like every cabin in Minnesota comes with a chessboard. Really? Are you saying chest board or chess board? I've been to dozens and dozens.

of cabins in the state of men we hang out with different types of people that may be true uh here's the deal you set down it's a 90 minute class and they say it mixes high intensity cardio that would obviously be the boxing when we were kids uh my folks got my brother and i a set of boxing gloves and their idea was that we would no longer beat each other's faces in we wouldn't leave marks anymore when we got in fights if they set us up with the boxing gloves. Yeah, that's your hope. Well, the problem was my folks bought 75 cent

boxing gloves. So with, you know, plastic seams. So we ended up cutting each other up even worse than when we fought with our bare knuckles. So you go ahead and get that high intensity cardio in the boxing ring, then you set down and you play chess for

here's the deal. 11 total rounds. six rounds of chess alternating with five boxing rounds. Each is about three minutes long. You play chess for three minutes, you box for three. Back and forth, you go. I only have one complaint about this, and I've got to get this off my chess. They should dress up as chess pieces.

That'd be hilarious, I think. If they're out there and you've got a rook taken on a pawn of some sort. Yeah, that would be fun. That sounds like a lot of work. It's already ridiculous. Why not just go for it? It's certainly already ridiculous. Now I've got to put a costume on.

I doubt this is going to spread any further than Brooklyn, New York. I wouldn't think so, right? This sounds silly, and it's just like a lot of... It's not going to be the next pickleball. No, it seems like it's a hipster trend for people in New York. Exactly. Yeah. Look at me.

I live in Brooklyn. Like a lot of those hip trends, this will flame out in no time. Mediocre machinist Jesus has texted in to ask me. if I've ever seen a checker board. Yes. Similar. We played checkers as kids. Are they similar?

I wouldn't know. I'm telling you the truth. I wouldn't know a different color. If you put a chess board in front of me, I wouldn't be able to identify it. Unless you put the pieces in there, too. If you just put the board there, I wouldn't know. Used puck bag, Jesus,

would be more interested in the combination of meth and checkers. Can you imagine how fast? The game starts. Oh, my God. King me. King me! He was immediately across the board. That's a great idea.

During the pandemic, me and my buddies, we downloaded a chess video game under an Nintendo switch, and we play it online because we couldn't hang out. But we didn't mix any exercise in. We just mixed in a lot of booze and gambling. Yeah, I can see that. I used to play chess online once in a while. That's one of those things I wish I was better at.

Right. We didn't get any better, neither was any good, but it was fun, though. Do you want to know how to win at chess boxing? Of course. There are no winners. Oh. There are no winners, Josh. Everyone goes home a loser.

Everyone goes home. It says here you obviously can win through knocking the other peckerhead out. Or you sit down in front of that dopy chestboard and you get a checkmate. And also there's the option to give up when exercising either. You might call no mas. like Roberto Duran did all those years ago in the boxing ring or you might give up at the chest board and just say, look, I can't with it.

So that's kind of a lame way out. You just give up. I'd exercise that option in round one. Tap the gloves. Nope, I'm out. I'm out. It's while you're doing chess too. It's not even like, no, I'm just done with this whole thing.

I think my only strategy to win a chest would be try and give the other person a concussion. So they don't know what they're doing at the chess board. It says here, the people who have tried chess boxing. say that it's cathartic. Oh, yeah. Exercises the mind and the body. It's funny to say that we used to have a guy that worked here who would,

he'd post on social media every day before work, you know. Got to get the body taken care of. Oh, do it. Before the mind. Rise and grind. That sounds miserable. Go in front of work there. Wasn't this guy also a heavy drinker?

Yes. Yeah, his lifestyle was not healthy outside of his gym trips in the morning. So was he really? accomplishing much when he would go to the gym before work and bounce up and down on a treadmill for an hour? Was he really doing enough to combat the 34 mixed drinks he had the night before? Probably. It might be a question for a doctor. Probably helps a little bit, maybe, sweating out the booze. Yeah, I've never met somebody who drank more and would get more drunk, especially at work events. There was a Motley crew concert one night where I truly believed he was going to die. I thought for sure,

He is going to drop dead where he stands. Josh, you exercise now and again, right? Well, kind of. I mean, I do the treadmill. You move your body every day. Not running. And I only do it so I can go number two. So, yeah.

Oh, my gosh. It's not to stay in shape or anything. You're like my mom's dogs. I'm like a dog. What about the push-ups and the sit-ups? I do push-ups, I guess. Okay, so you do some exercising. Have you ever tried any combat exercising like boxing?

I took boxing lessons for two years. For two years? That's sweet. I've always wanted to do that. Well, kickboxing, I think, would be cool. It's exhausting. I don't know if, I imagine it is. Every fist fight I've ever been in, boy, I'm doing all right for a minute.

And then you get winded and you're just hoping for the best, right? I'd have to win within the first. I wish I could say a minute, but it'd probably be 30 seconds. Otherwise, I'm done. I don't know if you've ever told us this before. Yeah, I mentioned it. Have you? Yeah.

How good did you get? Okay. What do you remember about it? Well, combinations, primarily we worked with combinations, but my wife is a personal... Were you terrible at it? Well, at first. I mean, I got okay. I mean, I'm not going to say I'd ever be able to do any amateur stuff, but for myself, I think I, you know, compared to like somebody else probably not.

Did you ever, you've never been in a fist fight? Oh, when I was a kid all the time, when I was young. Well, I'm not talking about, you know, third graders rolling around. As an adult, no. Like a real fist fight. Yeah, I used to be in a... So you don't know what you're capable of. Oh, I bet not much.

Like I said, I'd be winded immediately. And this was, I'm going to, it was right when I first met my wife. So 2004. She got you into it. Yeah, so she trained this guy's wife, like she was a personal trainer. And in exchange, he trained me boxing. Oh, cool. I'll be.

Yeah, I bet you got pretty good at it, Josh. For me. But I bet at first it was kind of there's a gig in the Simpsons where Homer gets into boxing and he's throwing his first punch. You know, he's so out of shape. And the fly lands on the punching bag, and Homer makes contact, and then the fly just flies away.

It's completely uninjured. Oh, man, I remember, like, the pain in my shoulders, and I was surprised how exhausted, how quickly I got exhausted. Oh, it's almost immediate. Do you think, like, oh, yeah, three-minute rounds? Sure, like you were saying earlier. But no, it whoops your ass. I'm not trying to start no thing.

I'm not. Maybe if I instigated a fight between the two of us, maybe you'd whoop my ass and you'd bring that boxing knowledge that you have after all these years. You'd remember and you'd just be laid out. I couldn't punch you. That'd be awesome. Blood dripping. No offense.

I got a little birdie. Oh, I've seen it. Yeah, the birds circling your head. Birds and stars, when I got sucker punched by that old man, I sure felt that. I love the story of that old man knocking the piss on you. I saw the birds and the stars just like the cartoons. But here's the thing. Maybe you'd whip my ass.

but boxing involves rhythm and you ain't got it. No, I don't have rhythm. So that's why I'd like to, I would have liked to have been there to see. But you know, you do it enough, you can kind of get the rhythm a little bit of that at least. Interesting.

I haven't done that in 20-some years. But I went three times a week. It was cool. The only boxing match I was ever in against somebody else, It's not just punching bags. It's at St. Cloud State. We had a brief run with a fight club before that got broken up. And you had two pairs of gloves.

Wait, seriously? Yeah. Just a regular fight club? Yeah, we did it a couple times down in the basement. Then they said, yeah, you can't do that. That's incredible. Who said you can't do that? The RAs, the people in charge that could kick us out of the dorms.

Oh, at a dormitory. Dormitory, yeah. You guys would go down in the basement. How do they even find out? No one's supposed to be talking about it. I know, right? But one time, it's kind of like, somebody has the gloves and they challenge somebody else, you know, and the smallest kid, he never said a word. he challenged me. He was about five foot seven. You know, I'm tall. I'm over six feet. And I kind of laughed

like, no, no, I'm not going to hurt you, man. I can't do this. He goes, no, come on. Let's just give me a shot. I go, okay, okay. I put the gloves on. We tap the next thing I know I'm on the ground being helped out. It got completely knocked out cold. Turned out this guy was like a kickboxing jujitsu expert. And he just knocked my ass out with one punch. You never learned that if there's a small person who is very confident you stay away because they're deadly. Right. I should have, I should have known. that but the beer was in me and I was like okay yeah I'll I'll bounce around for he I'll get a shot and we'll be done with it no he they said I was snoring before I hit the ground insomniac Jesus says to me your sore shoulders be honest you got sore shoulders out after

filling out the paperwork to get stuck it I sure did I sure did you got knocked out on yeah did you did you kind of did you find the experience kind of pleasant yeah it was kind of it was oddly kind of enjoyable. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I've been knocked out twice. I didn't like it either time. I've never been knocked out. Thank God. That does not sound enjoyable. One time was choked out. Does that count? No. You lose count. That doesn't count? No. I think maybe if I'd been stone sober, actually, I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much.

Yeah. My buddy's picking me up off the ground and everybody's laughing. It was a good time. Nice little nap. Mm-hmm. I'm kidding, of course. I mean, who choked you out? Well, it's quite an honor, actually, a Navy seal. Oh. When I was. In eighth grade, my friend's super hot older sister was dating a Navy SEAL. Oh, yeah. And he was kind of demonstrating some stuff on us. And he's like, do you want me to show you a choke you out? I'll volunteer for that.

And it was like, I don't think this is working. And the next thing I know I'm out. Yeah. And the other time you were knocked out was that 82-year-old guy who sucker punched you on your bicycle. No, I didn't get knocked out there. That's when I saw stars. Oh, when your dad hit you in the head? Nope.

Well, did I get knocked out? I think I got woozy from that. I don't remember if that was the case. When did you get knocked out? playing football in the backyard. We had a clothes line. Oh, yeah. And I hit that pole.

Yeah. That ding sound was the last thing I remember. Well, see, I mean, everyone's different. But Dane and I seem to agree. I've been knocked out twice, both by my brother. And there was something, when I woke up, I felt like I had the most restful sleep. I thought I was going to bar.

Wow. Did you have the same? It was weird. Yeah, it was like I was just taking a long nap. But it was both occasions. Where I woke up, I just felt. felt so relaxed and so well-rested. And I'd only been out for, I don't know, you know, 35, 45 minute, something like that.

It was very odd. I guess one of the times I got faint and, like, passed all the way out, I, like, fell on the ground, I believe. I mean, I imagine that's what happens, right? Because I woke up on the ground. But I, like, hit my head and, like, snapped back awake. And I did feel, like, like, besides my head hurting a little bit, it did feel kind of, like, nice. I did not

I wish I had that experience Yeah I don't know And I did not feel the pain of the punch That knocked me out You see what I'm saying? Right When I woke up I had no pain Oh even when you woke up

Yeah There's nothing residual Oh that surprised me I had a couple At a mark on my face But I did not feel the pain And the second time I got knocked out Was the most fun for everyone who was there

Because I went backwards Down a flight of stairs That is fun It was at the top of the top of the of the stairs. I landed on my back, you know, feet facing upwards, and I went, pop-p-p-pup, pop-pup, and I'd be diet, dude.

And that's where I woke up and I felt like, ooh, wee, am I in my mother's arms? Have I been asleep for eight hours? It was just such a wonderful feeling, really. I love that both times you got knocked out, nobody tried to help you come to. They just left you there for half hour. He came to on my own. Take a nap. He said, he'll be all right.

Let them rest. They probably made sure you were breathing, yeah. All right. No, I didn't someone just texted in. I was knocked out for 45 minutes. No, no, I'm sorry. I said 35, 45, meaning seconds and then probably about a minute. Yeah, knocked out for 45 minutes. That would be concerning. Leaggy to believe that I was near death. The half-ass morning show, 93X. Yeah, we got to go. But we've been talking about getting knocked the F out. Like what Craig did to Dibo. And then Red got his bike back.

we've been talking about getting knocked the F out. I've been knocked out three times in my life. I remembered a third while we were playing those commercials. There was the guy who hit me over the head with the broken off shovel handle. That was great. And Dana's been knocked out once and he and I were sharing the experience. We had similar experiences when we got knocked out. When we came to, it was a very well-referenced.

rested feeling, even though we had only been out for a minute or two. I just felt so wonderful, so well-rested. There wasn't any pain. Interesting that we've had that similar experience, but maybe it's not so rare. Somebody texted in, Josh, you might know a damn thing or two about this here. Gas pipe Jesus says it's called Posticle Bliss. P-O-S-T-I-C-T-A-L. Post-tickle post because it's afterwards?

Oh, go along with it. I don't know. Post-tickle bliss is a real thing. And he says people experience it after seizures. It's the brain resetting itself after taking a good beating. Wow. I remember the second concussion that I got and I didn't, that was the opposite. I did not get the bliss this time.

It was in middle school soccer. We were playing our rivals. We were up on them like 5-0. So to be a dick, I had the coach put me in as goalie saying like, hey, look at that. We're beating you so bad. We're putting you so bad. and as goalie, and I'm taunted them because I had been talking trash all game. Let's be dicks.

Yeah, exactly. And the ball was coming to me and I go slide to my side to get it. And the one of the players basically gave me one of those Randy Orden's super punts right to the head. Just knocked me the F out to the point where I had no short-term memory when I came to. So you were unconscious? I'm not trying to scare you, but you just told us that story. Like 20 seconds ago. But you're telling me that in that case, you did not feel wonderful.

and well-rested. No. In fact, they brought me to the doctor and I said, I don't remember anything that happened today. I don't know how I got, why was I playing goalie? And it was interesting the way the doctor kind of walked me through it. He goes, okay, you know, can you remember anything about today at all? I go, I remember I talked to my friend Haley. And he's like, okay, what did you and Haley talk about? I'm like, I don't know. Did you talk to her in person? No, on the phone? No. Oh, I talked to her in AOL. And then immediately, everything snapped back to my brain. What had I'd done all day leading up to that event? That's so cool. at the same time. It's terrifying.

Oh, yeah. It was wild. And the doctor made, I had to stay up all night because if you have a concussion that bad, they don't let you go to sleep because there's a chance you can just die in your sleep. Yeah, I remember that, but I went to sleep anyway. I took my chances. The doctor said, don't, I mean, I couldn't help it. The doctor said, don't sleep. I said, I'll take my chance. Maybe I want to. One of our listeners blacked out, a little bit different. I just love this little story. One of our listeners blacked out at an Iron Maiden Scorpions concert at Trout Air back in the day. Oh, geez, I haven't heard. Is that still a thing? I really don't think so. It seemed like all the big concerts were at Trout Air. Did you ever go to Trout Air? No.

Oh, my God. What a gang bang that was. Before we go, this has got to be the worst getting knocked the F out story from a listener. Got knocked the F out at a beer party, got punched in the head. Woke up surrounded by girls who were very sympathetic. Hey. Colin Good. He liked that feeling and he liked that attention.

So he must have been thinking, okay, I got knocked the F out. But suddenly I got all these ladies who seemed to be interested in me. He said, and then I went to a mirror to see the damage. And I noticed that I had a huge, deep green booger hanging out of my nose. Oh, no. That's so hard. He literally got the snot knocked out of him. Yeah, he did, didn't he?

What do you mean? That makes him a loser? That's unfortunate. He was thinking, all right, ladies. I'll be right back. I'm going to duck into the bathroom real quick to see if I have any. That was always the positive, right, with an injury. Yeah.

People will be like, oh, you're going to get chicks now, man. The sum bitch was deep green, he said. Oh, yeah, when I got my nose broke playing hockey, that was, that's how you do it, boys. You get your nose broke on the ice, and you let that thing. swell a little bit, let that eye blacken a little bit, and then you go out to the beer hall, I'm telling you, fish in a damn barrel. In middle school, one of my good buddies tore up his knee real bad playing football. He had that big old brace on and crutches, and every girl was, you know, let me help you

the backpack, let me get your lunch for you. And I'm going to go, man, I want to tear up my knee. That sounds awesome. Yeah, I understand. He's living the life right now. And then he looks in the mirror. And he had boogers everywhere. He's got a frigging fat-ass booger hanging out of his stick.

God, dang it. That sucks. He thought he had it, Cubby. He didn't have it. I feel for you, man. He didn't have nothing. Pig sticker bass fisherman Jesus text in a happy 72nd birthday to his dad.

Hope it's a great one. 93X. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

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