93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Hey Pork Chop!

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

Originally Aired July 29, 2026: Those who can't play pool, play darts. 27 sneezes in row. Everything you wanna know about the man from Nantucket.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-H-ha-ha-ha-ha-assed morning show. It's Wednesday. I wish to God I can tell you different, but that would be a lie. It's Wednesday. But that doesn't change at all how we feel about you. Welcome to the FN, uh, to the show. Cubby knows this.

We're kicking it SummerSlam style all week. W.W.E. SummerSlam cut slum. loose on all of us Saturday and Sunday over there at the new Metronome. And as we've noted before here on the program, there are events going on all week. Tonight is certainly a highlight, in my opinion. It's Nacho Libre Night in Minneapolis. And 93x is all over this pig. Nacho Libre, one of my favorite movies.

Oh, I know you liked it. I didn't know it was one of your favorites. Oh, absolutely. Really? I could watch it every day. Jack Black is straight up brilliant. I don't want to make you a. mad, but I have yet to see it.

I'm going to put that on a list right now, or maybe I can get to that this weekend. I ain't mad at you. I would love for you to experience the film. I didn't think it looked all that good. It doesn't look good. It doesn't look good at all, but it is. Jack Black is brilliant as Ignacio,

otherwise known as Nacho Libre. So tonight, 93X is involved. Come on down. downtown Minneapolis. What do they call the joint? The Commons? Yeah, the big park outside the new Metrodome. Okay, I have yet to experience the Commons.

I have not been there either. Okay, so there you go. I wasn't aware of that. Thank you, Dana. So it's some kind of a park right out front, the new Metrodome. Don't mistake it with the old one. Yeah, I was not there anymore. Since when?

I know. It's gone. It's still devastating to me. We must rebuild. Join 93x tonight at the Commons for Nacho Libre Night. It's going to be a beautiful night. So here's the deal. Live Lucha Libre wrestling tonight at the Commons.

That starts at 6 o'clock. They'll be putting on a show. Flipping around this and that top rope type stuff, Josh. They defy gravity. They defy logic. They're not the Lucha Libre-style wrestlers. I like that kind of stuff. Oh, yeah.

You're a slight character. If you gained, oh, I don't know, some sense of athletic ability and rhythm, you could be a Lucha Libre wrestler. Do you think I could pull off a 619? Hell yes. With enough practice? Boo-YACA. Boi-Coh.

You could pull off a 6 o'clock. There'll be some live Lucha Libre wrestling, followed by a free outdoor showing of Nacho Libre at sunset. You know, it's funny you bring up the athleticism. I had a dream last night where I don't know why I had this dream, and I never remember him, but this one was memorable because I dominated at every sport. You did.

I've never had a dream like that. I have no idea why I had it. But we were just kind of messing around around here, and you were proud of me for one of the first times ever because I dominated at every single thing we did to the point where we keep throwing out more and more challenges. You were showing off your athletic ability right here at the radio station. Yeah, but it was weird.

You know, one of those where all of a sudden it's the radio station, but for some reason we have a practice football field in the backyard. Sure. Or in the back of the building here. Sounds cool. And in your dream, I was quite proud of your accomplishment. By the way, I threw a dime to Justin Jefferson. I threw a dime to Justin Jefferson at 50 yards.

A dime. Yeah, right there, right in the basket. Hey, this ought to be cool tonight. I love the movie. I love the idea of live wrestling right down there in the middle of the city. There'll be something or another to eat and a couple of cold drinks available. What does this say? For purchase.

Oh, I thought it said online. Food and drink available for purchase on site is how they say it. A lot of folks, Josh, I think tonight, will be driving. home from that event singing the Encarnazion song. I bet you're right. I've been...

Is she a hot number or... You haven't seen the movie. No. She's a hot ticket. Oh, so it's a woman. Encaronacionon? I just figured it was like one of the fellow wrestlers.

Oh, no, that's Nacho's love interest. Get out of here. In the movie. They'll be driving home singing the Encaronacion song. That should be cool. Absolutely a great idea. I feel a fool.

I've been to the New Metrodome many, many times, only for two preseason Vikings games. Otherwise, it's Monster Jam. Ooh, the preseason game. Homey Garden shows. That's a good stuff right there. Youth football. That's about it.

But I've never seen the comments. I didn't know it existed. Is it brand new? Please tell me it's new so I don't feel like a fool. I've been there several times. I'm thinking of what it is. I haven't corrected me if I'm wrong, Dana. It's not really like a park, right?

It's just like this open area. Yeah, it's an open area, I guess. It's a better way to describe it. No, Cubby, you're not alone. I've been to that joint a few times. I wasn't aware of the Commons. It sounds wonderful and a perfect setting for Nacho Libre night. Dana, is that the place where they just put up some tents during like when there's a Vikings game?

They have like some tents over there. Yeah. All right. Yeah, that's not a park. That's crazy that they call that a park. We're awful liberal. Here's this concrete slab that. there's maybe a little bit of grass every now and then.

But that's so funny. Well, good. I'm glad that I didn't completely miss this very obvious commons area. That'd be awesome. There's just like a huge park in the middle of the downtown like that. I'd love that. Well, that's a cool event. And I'm glad they're bringing in the Luchador wrestling.

Sorry if this derails everything. I was going to ask if you guys knew. Dana, I know how plugged in you are. of this kind of thing, especially local wrestling. Are these local guys? Are they bringing in, like the WWE minor leagues or whatever you call? I have no idea. Yeah, I'm not too sure on this one.

I know it, I don't think it's local guys, but, yeah, no, I first heard about it yesterday, yesterday afternoon or yesterday morning, I believe. So, yeah, it's awesome, though. I love all the events that are happening. There's going to be a Danhausen ice cream truck going around town starting tomorrow all weekend long. That's awesome. Yeah, like a giant. It's like a size of like a semi, basically.

So do I order a vanilla heisen or a chocolate heisen, Hausen? Right? You see where I'm going with that? Yeah, you go up to the truck and what I guess they're going to have is they're going to have a wheel and you spin it and you either land on a very nice or a very evil treat. Oh, it's 50-50. And it's got his face on the front of the thing.

It looks a little offsetting because of how long. large it is, but it's going to be a lot of fun. There you effing go. All right. And more events to come. We'll keep you posted before the week is out. So I'm trying to find... Tomorrow there are tryouts, Josh.

I was telling you about this a couple of days ago. Tomorrow, there are some form of WWE tryout in town. You might want to get yourself prepared. Me? I don't think I could do it. Well, I think you could. I think you'd be great. I'd love to try that.

You had that dream. You're the best quarterback of all time. Let's go see you put that 619 to realization. Amongst many other sports I dominated in that particular dream. I'd like to have some Hausen-Daz or whatever he brings around with some of that ice cream. I got to see if there's online, if there's a place. There's got to be where it'll say, hey, here's all the different places you can find. The truck, yeah.

Let me look it up quickly. Does it show up specifically? on my block, otherwise I can't make it. Probably not. No. Don't really like leaving the house too much. I know you don't. You know, the ice cream man's been swinging up and down my neighborhood this summer. Is it a regular time? Because we got a guy and I can't figure it out. He's keeping us on our toes. It's different times of day, different days. I guess I haven't paid attention to what time a day it's been, but just I haven't seen the neighborhood ice cream man in a couple

of years, but this summer he's been making the rounds up and down my block. Question. Yes. I'm not even a sweet. guy but I think just the memories of a kid anytime I hear the song I get excited and I almost call my mom and ask if she has any change I get so pumped even though I've never I mean when we've got a lot of kids in the neighborhood and they swarm the guy when he shows up but I haven't I'm trying to remember the last time I got something from an ice cream I didn't approach to peckerhead I was feeling a little too lazy to go running out the front door for the ice cream man would you feel weird as an adult not at all if I would I think I would either if I would have

little gas in the tank. I would, but I was just, I think I was sitting in a chair and I had nothing left that particular day. I'll just tell you this much, Ashley, before you pop off. What I did notice, the selections are deep and wide. This dude, I could just tell by watching him go by, he's got the menu on the side of the truck. It looked like he had every damn thing. Yeah, that's what I was wondering if they still have like the same things they have. when I was a kid. And the crappy SpongeBob Popsicle ice cream thing where the eyes are never in the right place. Yeah, they're kind of melting off by the time you get it actually.

Yeah, every time you open it, like I remember thinking, oh, God, that's creepy. Yeah, the character was never quite as it was presented on the menu. Oh, but they were so good. Actually, next time he rolls through, I'm going to hobble my way out and find out what gives. I'm sure he has everything from that crappy SpongeBob. sickle all the way to here and there and back. Speaking of the ice cream, man, have you guys ever heard of the strategy that some parents have used where they say

if the ice cream truck is playing music, that means they're out of ice cream. Oh, yeah, I've heard that. Oh, yeah. God, this guy, he never stalks up. Oh, man, he always runs out right when he comes down the street. The SpongeBob Popsicle or whatever it is is still around, Ashley. Awesome. I need to get some of those.

Those are pretty good. And they don't, I imagine they just don't hit the same if you go and like buy your own box online. Probably not. It's got to be from the sketchy ice cream. Yeah, it's got to be slightly melted. Yeah, and you got to kind of worry about being kidnapped. Yeah. It's not the same when you go to Quick Trip.

Yeah, the one that used to be around my neighborhood when I was a kid, that dude definitely sold drugs. No doubt in my mind. Oh, you know, that's a, I never even considered that. What a perfect ruse. Yeah, and I wonder what the code was what you'd be ordering if you're going to get some drugs. drugs instead of a bomb pop. Hey, here's a listener by the name of Mark, otherwise known as

Magic playing machinist Jesus, who said he just heard Dave Roth sing the ice cream man song yesterday on the Power Loon. Oh, really? I love the Power Loon. I like that they just play a Loon sound effect every once in a That is sweet. Gonna put my banana in Dixie Cups.

There's a line from David Lee Roth. and Van Halen's 1978 single Ice Cream Man. Did you know we talked about putting his banana in Dixie cups? No, I've heard the song

so many times I never heard that. One of these days I have to listen to lyrics. You just have no idea what you're hearing when you listen to a song. Like I'll hear a song

that's been out for 30 years and somebody will be singing along or something. I'm like, oh, that's foul. I had no idea that was in the song. I got one for the ladies. Somertimes here, babe, need something to keep you cool.

I was confused for a second because I know an ice cream song that like I can't even sing on air because it's like so dark and disturbing and I was like, why was he singing that song? Dark and disturbing or loaded with sexual innuendo? Dark and disturbing. So it's about an evil ice cream man? Yeah. Oh, I got to hear this song.

I'll have to sing it to you off of air. It's not King Diamond, is it? You know, I'm terrified of King Diamond. Did he sing it? It's like some stupid song that, I don't know. Print me off the lyrics real quick. Is it called ice cream? I'll probably have to write it down.

because I don't even know if it's like a legit thing or if it was just like me and my brother making it up when we were kids. Print off the lyrics. I've never heard an evil ice cream man song and now I'm deeply intrigued. Hey, Bullet Club Jesus texted in and said, speaking of food trucks and wrestlers,

what about ODB? He says, did you know about ODB's food truck? ODB, are you guys familiar? Oh, you know me? Oh. No, so you don't know. Old dirty bastard? No, no, no.

Female local wrestler. I've known her for years. One dirty bitch, I think, is what ODB stood for. She's been everywhere and wrestled on, you name it. My fondest memories of ODB come from TNA wrestling, TNA wrestling, Jeff Jarrett's company. So what did Bullet Club Jesus say? ODB's food truck, will that be around? I haven't seen her in a while, haven't talked to her in a while.

I got to know her a little bit over the years. She actually went to school, grew up with one of my ex-girlfriends. So do I, I don't know if she's still in the business, but absolutely I was familiar with, and I used to see ODB's food trucks all over town. And I hope she's doing wonderfully. I wish her the best. It's been a while. So Bullet Club, I wish I could answer the question for you, but I don't know. Did you say food trucks?

I believe there was more than one. Oh, cool. Yeah. I wonder if that's fun. I drive by a parking lot that must be a popular place to park those food trucks. And I don't know. They just seem like they'd be kind of cool to have something like that. It looks like it could be a lot of fun.

North Metro people. You guys know ODB more than anybody else. It's a North Metro gal. Okay, Ashley has written down the lyrics to this evil ice cream man song that you used to listen to when you were a kid, you said? I don't remember ever hearing it anywhere other than coming. out of like my brother and his buddy's mouth. Okay, so it was a popular rap song? I honestly have no idea.

You don't have any memory of the genre? Nope. It just stuck with me. Are you able to say the lyrics? Because maybe I could type them as you read them. I mean, it's really, I'll just give you the first lyric here because I don't think we should go any further than just the first line. Ashley claims in this song, the singer, rapper, whoever it is, says, I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with. my van.

It goes like, I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. So you don't have any memory if this was a legit single or like an evil nursery rhyme or you don't know. Probably I think it was more of like a nursery rhyme type route. Oh yeah, okay. I see it here. What were some of the old, you know, kind of scary, dirty nursery rhymes we used to. Well, we got to, what's the word I'm looking for, Josh?

we've got to do our own research on this. I have to find out all about this evil ice cream man song. Here are people texting in who. Yeah, now you know what I didn't want to say. I'm reading the lyrics here. Here are a few people. The lyrics are pretty bad. Yeah, that's evil.

Before the show's over, I need to know all the background on this. Like, was it a real single? Was it just a nursery rhyme that kids were afraid of from Ashley's generation? or where this came from. But people are texting and that know a thing or two about ODB's food truck. No longer Mopar Jesus

said she's been at the brewery in Pine City a few times and says that she is a nice lady. Yeah, I found it online. ODB's meat and greet. Meat spell of M-E-A-T. Right. Cool.

Yeah, it looks great. Oh, yeah, she was one of the top performers there on TNA for years. We had her in studio once or twice. You may be right. I can't quite remember exactly, but... Yeah, the website even has an endorsement from the hardcore legend himself, McFoly. Word.

Moose nuts Jesus has checked in on his experience with the ice cream man. He said the ice cream truck guy in his neighborhood got caught jacking it in the van. Oh, come on, man. Find another place. That's how you assume. That's how you go to jail. Yeah, you should. That's for sure.

And others are texting and saying they remember this song. But still, I got to get to the, I want to get to the ground floor on this. Yeah, someone, a stoned pirate Jesus said it's one of those things you learn when you're riding the public school bus. Sure. Yes. Is it to the tune of Iron Man from Black Sabbath? Okay, that's what it's saying online. I'm the ice cream man running over fat kids in my van.

It's just like that. And it's a bad because, I mean, you know the lyrics and clearly some of the listeners do. I catch myself like, because when I'm changing my son's diaper, he's a maniac, and so I try to come up with something due to distract him, and I sing that song to him sometimes. And people are texting again saying, dirty nursery rhymes. You mean like Andrew Dice Clay? Well, no. I mean, I loved all of Dice's old nursery rhymes.

I knew them all by heart. I was such a big Dice fan when I was a 17, 18-year-old kid. thinking more along the lines of, you know, those kind of silly, half-dirty songs we would sing on the bus. Like Josh, when you're sliding down the slide and your balls collide, that's called the rupture. Yep. The stupid things, the little poems we used to rap back and forth at each other when we were grade

school kids. Yeah, there's some that thinking back were absolutely awful, but at the time you don't really think about it too much. I can't think of any others. I can't think of any others. I know we got in trouble a few times. where like they'd pull us into an assembly and say, hey, the bus driver mentioned they've heard this song,

you know, a time or two. Do you recall any? Here's what it means. Ah, yeah, but I'm kind of scared to say them now. Write it down for me. Let's see it, because I can't fully remember. Even you little Catholic kids were singing these songs. Yeah, not really, no way.

The older kids taught them to you and you start singing them and then maybe a parent or teachers like, do you have any idea what that means? No. You know, a few minutes ago, I was referencing Van Halen, ice cream man. and Josh who for whatever reason you're a musical person you know how to play the guitar you know but for whatever reason it's not in your wiring to follow lyrics at all you have no idea the

lyrics even in some of your favorite songs you don't know the lyrics not at all so i was just referencing you know ice cream man Dave makes that uh sexually suggestive comment in the song where he says i'm going to put my banana in dixie cups I got in trouble a couple of times on the grade school playground by swinging on the swing set and singing kiss lyrics that I wasn't totally sure what they meant, but they were filthy. So cute thinking of you doing that. A little kiss t-shirt on. Even as a five, six-year-old seven-year-old kid. I loved kiss and I knew the lyrics to all their songs.

One of them that I remember getting in trouble for was I'm swinging on the swing set and I was singing an old. Kiss song from 1976 called Take Me, where the opening line is, put your hand in my pocket and grab onto my rocket. Yeah, probably shouldn't be singing that on the playground. You know, and your kid, you don't know. No, of course not. Baby, got a no, do you want to go. Little Nick is probably thinking like he adds an actual rocket, like a toy.

Okay, Josh wrote down this here song from when he was a little kid that you got in trouble I don't remember all. I remember some of the lyrics, but I remember us getting into a lot of trouble for that. Yes, I have very vague memories, but I do remember there was a filthy, disgusting, at least grade school level, filthy disgusting edition or rendition of on top of old smoky. But I can't go any further than the opening line. I remember it was like on top of old smoky, all covered in blood. Yeah. And I don't, I don't remember all the lyrics, but I remember like that one we got.

reamed out for pretty good. So it must have been pretty bad. I remember a nursery rhyme we used to do that the dare teachers, the drug teachers didn't appreciate it. It went something like this like marijuana, marijuana, LSD, LSD, Betty Crocker's making it, everybody's taking it.

Why can't we? Why can't we? Oh my gosh, I love that data. Never heard that one. It's funny, you know, generationally, these songs come and go. Yeah, exactly. So by the time you came up with that one, hell, I was long gone. Wiscoe male nurse Jesus said his mom worked at the front office of the school. Apparently, he got timeout once, and he had to call her to let her know why.

It was because he got all the kids singing milk, milk, lemonade round the corner, chocolates made. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, we say round the corner fudge is made. Yeah, I remember that one. Do you remember, like, the day you realized what that meant? I knew right away because we had, like, hand motions. You'd point to the areas where things were being produced. I had no idea.

And then it just hit me one day. I was like, oh, that's terrible. You guys didn't have the hand motions? No. This song is not about refreshing lemonade and a delicious chocolate treat at all. Yeah, like this, Ashley, milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner. That's pretty clear. I remember that one.

Jingle balls. No, pardon me, jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin, laden egg, that whole gimmick. Well, yeah, when we were effing around on our grade school playground, I remember this one. And I'm sure with text messages, people are texting in all the little dirty crap they used to sing back and forth through each other as grade school kids. And I'm sure many more will come back to mind. But right now I'm having a difficult time.

remember one little, it wasn't a song as far as I can remember. It was just this little slogan that people would, that kids in my grade school would holler back and forth at each other. And it was this, incest is best. Put your sister to the test. Oh, Jesus. I don't remember where that came from or who said it first or why we would holler it back and forth to each other, but I remember it being a thing. Gosh, it reminds me There's some, like you'd hear military chants. Like, I don't know, but it's been said, and then something terrible would follow.

Oh, yeah, now that's kind of bringing back some of those, and we would say those as loud as possible. Have you heard that particular one? Well, I remember, give me the opening line again. I don't know, but it's been said. I don't know, but I've been told. Yeah, that was the other way. You kind of change it up.

Blankety, blank is mighty cold. What was, you don't know, but it's been said. Yeah. Something about head? No, no. No? Yeah, all that stuff. Nantucket, yeah.

I mean, all that's coming back to me now, the old man, the old man from Nantucket. That was fun. Yeah, I mean, we were just, we were, you know, you're trying to fit in, you're trying to stand out, you're trying to be funny. You want to, what is this, Josh? Oh, oh, so your slogan was, I don't know, but it's been saying. said sex is better when blankety blank. Yeah. Yeah, you don't want to say.

No, I don't want to say that. Oh, no. Oh, yeah, all right. Put your hand in my pocket. Grab on to my rockhead. Yeah, you had to be there. You had to. Should we get moving?

I don't want to, but yeah, let's go. Yeah, we might as well. The stupid news. We don't. Who gets uppity? The salespeople, they get all uppity. I'm the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. There's also a, sorry, real quick, there's also like a Barney one that I knew growing up that was dark like that. See, I didn't know Barney.

I was like, I love you, you love me, let's tie Barney to a tree. Oh, shoot, I remember some of those. Yeah, I do too. Some of those were absolutely awful. Sorry, Barney. They turned on him after a while, didn't they? They sure did. They had enough of them.

We'll be back in a few minutes with the stupid news. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up.

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Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Ah, yeah. What a crowd. We appreciate you joining us this morning. You know, earlier we got to jaw jacking about some of the stupid, silly, overly violent and overly disgusting little rhymes and songs. We used to sing or chant at each other back and forth when we were little kids, grade school kids.

You got your dire, Chah, cha, cha, cha, and the whole works. You got the milk lemonade and around the corner, fudges, mate. We were going down that route, weren't we cubby? We were. Big green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts, the whole smear. A lot of texts have come in. Depends on where you're from, what your favorite little dirty song was when you were a grade school kid.

I've read some lyrics this morning that, number one, I can't repeat. and number two, never heard of. So it's interesting how, depending on what generation you came from and what neighborhood you were living in, there was all kinds of different types of filth being shared back and forth on the grade school playground. Of course, I can't believe I didn't have this thought when we were originally having the conversation,

but that's kind of how it works. I had forgotten temporarily about the absolutely foul little chant that my squirt hockey team would holly. at each other before every hockey game. I'm surprised you guys didn't get in big trouble for that. Yeah. You know how a hockey club, especially the young kids, they gather around the net before the game

and they do some kind of a one, two, three, let's go, right? Yeah. When I was a squirt, it was game one, and one of our teammates said, well, what are we going to do for our pregame chant? You know, we're all gathered around the net, ready for game one. And we all kind of looked at each other and it dawned on us that we really hadn't prepared for this.

And when you were squirt, that's fairly important. We need to have some kind of a cool little rah-rah. Yeah, you guys are slacking. We realized we had gotten to game one and we had no idea what we're going to say for our little pre-game chant. And one of my teammates said, well, let's just spell this word. And it's one of the worst four-letter words you could use as a squirt hockey player or as a 85-year-old. Adult. Yeah, that's one of the ones you don't say.

I love that song. I love that word. We went blank, blank. One, two, three, four. We went, blah, blah. We spelled it out. And then we hollered the word that we spelled. You love that word, Ashley?

Yeah, I love using it. Oh, man, I was a, there was a couple. They were arguing, a friend of mine. And the guy said, you know, you're kind of acting like a, and then that word. And it upset her so much, she had an asthma attack. Oh, gee. So she has a different view on that word than you. And he's trying to explain it a little bit.

Hey, I didn't say you are one. I said you're kind of acting like one. But that didn't go over very well at all. So yeah, we would. Ra, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, ra, spells blank. So we would, you know, holler it. After spelling it, we would holler it out loud. And we just cracked up.

I mean, we're fourth graders. We can't believe. We thought we were geniuses, by the way. There's no other hockey team in the world. spelling this filthy four-letter word before every one of their games. We were very proud of ourselves. And I remember after maybe the third or fourth game, my mother pulling me aside after the game. And she said, what is it that you boys are saying around the net before the,

and I said, oh, it's just kind of like a one, two, three, let's go. I can picture some European hockey teams using that term because they use it very freely over there. Yeah, constantly. Yeah. It's just, it's almost like a term of endearment. Don't take that away from us. There was no other hockey team on planet Earth who has spelled that word before every game. Please don't. That was such a fond memory. Please don't take that away from it.

I was just making a point that it's very common in Europe. It is weird. Yeah. You hear that like, you know, watch a British movie or something. They just throw it out there. Right. It's like getting punched in the stomach over here. Although, you know, people are texting in Ashley and they agree.

They like that word. Yeah, a lot of people like that word. What is this? Here's a listener who texted in to say when I was a kid. I thought I came up with a cool little dirty rhyme. And he said, so. I guess it didn't catch it. Sean. He said he ended up biking around the campground all by himself yelling at people to

tickle his pickle for a nickel. I don't recall that one. My husband just said that yesterday. Did you say no? Yeah, I was eating like dill pickle sunflower seeds and he kissed to me. I know, sorry, gross. And he said, oh, a tickle or pickle for a nickel or whatever. I don't know. He's weird. He's a dork. I call him my wife. I call him I have pork chop yesterday. That didn't go over very much. Oh, what were you thinking? That doesn't stop.

Like, I know that that doesn't mean anything bad, but it sounds like you're calling somebody fat. I do get that now, but in my head, it sounded kind of endearing and cute, but she didn't not take it that way whatsoever. Pork chop. Oh, man. Data. Yeah, shoot, you should have known better. I know.

I was talking about it. She was going out with her mom, so I was like, oh, I'll grill some pork chops for dinner tonight. And then I just said, you're my little pork chop. Oh, that's better than I pick. That's totally different. Yeah, that's different. All right, you're off the hook.

Because I do that kind of stuff to my wife all the time for things that make no sense. Yeah, exactly. That's kind of what I had in my head. It'd be totally different if he said, hey, pork chop. Yeah, that's what I was picture. Hey, pork shop, get in here and make me a sandwich. Well, move your ass. Yeah.

Get the lead out of your ass there. Yeah, what you did is not bad. Okay. Thank you. Let go through my wife all the time. She'll say, oh, I think my alternator is going on. I'm like, you're an alternator. Exactly.

And I'd love to take you out. Hey, hey, tenderfoot. I like that. Hey, hey, underpants. All right, in more adult-style conversation, we were talking about tonight's Nacho Libre party. Oh, they call it the Commons. It's some kind of a gathering area there at the New Metrodome.

Tonight at 6 o'clock, there's going to be live Lucha Libre wrestling, all, of course, as you might have guessed by now, in anticipation and celebration of SummerSlam taking place this weekend here in Minneapolis. So, 6 o'clock tonight at the Commons. live nacho did I say Nacho Libre? Sorry. Live Lucha Libre wrestling

at 6 o'clock. And then afterwards there's going to be a sunset showing of one of my favorite movies Nacho Libre. Dana mentioned that of course there's WWE everywhere

and he heard or saw that Danhausen, WWE wrestler Danhausen will have his food truck ice cream truck. parked down there. Dana sent me a picture of that thing?

It's kind of unsettling. It's incredible. That's really cool. It's massive. I started talking about, forgive me, because, I mean, I'm well aware of Danhausen because I was following him back when he was on AEW, but I am quite unfamiliar with the newer cast of characters in television wrestling, but I am still very familiar with some of the older characters.

One of my favorite wrestlers, ODB, from right here in town, used to see her around town got to know her a little bit she still has food trucks operating and multiple people since I brought up ODB and her food trucks people have texted in to say she will be at Bobby and Steve's

for SummerSlam Friday, Saturday, and Sunday so if you want to hit up ODB's food trucks the Minneapolis one I'm sorry I forget that there's multiple So yes, that isn't particularly stated here in these text messages, but I imagine that would make the most sense, right? It does say Minneapolis on the flyer. Oh, I didn't see a flyer.

Earl Hebner's going to be there. Oh, no kidding. The legendary T&A Hall of Famer? Earl Hebner's still around? I had no idea he was alive. Wow. That's great. Okay, so quite a few people have texted in who know ODB and know of her food trucks and they say, go to Bobby and Steve's.

And again, I apologize for being out of touch with current wrestling, but people are telling me she's still active in TNA, and I'm very happy to hear that. She and that generation that I really got dialed into a number of years ago. They put on such great shows here locally, and then once they made it to the quote-unquote big time. I'm very proud of all those local wrestlers from that generation. Ashley, what would you think of this nickname from I'll catch up eventually podcaster Jesus?

His wife has had two C-sections, so he calls her his Ziplock bag. I'm going to guess by your reaction you don't like that one. Is that cute? I'm trying to think if I would laugh at it. I could see you laughing at that. I think I'd laugh at it a couple times, but it would get old real fast. It's not that funny anymore. It was funny once.

Josh and I used to know a guy who gave his wife a nickname and she wasn't terribly pleased with it. And I can't repeat the name on the air, the nickname, because it was somewhat foul. He gave her the nickname because he found out that she was a back-to-front wiper. Oh, no. There's a lot of people out there like that, Dana.

What time has it done? 634 634 He gave her a nickname Because he found All right Today's stupid news report The friggin English

We're going to start with the English What a pain in the ass Let me tell you about the latest nonsense Over that way The little Silly little cops in London, England They're searching up and down Trying their damnedest to find a violent

Offender Who was last seen dressed as a lobster. He was. Hard to miss. I can picture you dressed as a lobster, Baina. I can too, actually. My little pork chop.

That's so sweet of you. What did I say now? Yeah, a dude was last seen dressed as a lobster. And the reason the police want to find this goofy prick is because he knocked some poor bastard smooth out a few nights ago. and the dude who got tuned up is still in really bad shape. Dude got mangled. He can't get right ever since the beating.

The eyes fell out, everything. Dude with a lobster outfit on, knocked this poor bastard out, and he's in tough shape. Here's where it's obvious that this here story comes from England. It says here the violent dickhead in the lobster outfit. He cut loose with his attack at the world. Darts Championship Tournament.

The English will pack a damn soccer stadium to watch each other throw effing darts and lose their minds over it. Believe it or not, they will. Those who can't play pool, play darts. I thought you guys respected

dart players. You don't. No, no, no. Really? I didn't know there's a rivalry. They get in the way, Covey, of a good game of pocket billiards. Luckily, my favorite neighborhood bar removed the dart board. I don't know a year ago. So those bastards are no longer in the way of real athletes.

Boy, there's a lot of things I need to do more, but one is go to the bar. I had no idea. I love finding out these rivalries I didn't know existed. Get out of the way. Oh, did you get your 301 or whatever? Congratulations, get out of the way. It seemed like it used to be a lot more popular. Back when I first started here,

it was 20, and then when I turned 21, a few months later, everybody wanted to go play darts. That was kind of a thing. Maybe it was just in this building, but I thought it seemed like everybody was kind of into it. It seems like I think every dude, especially dudes, once they hit legal drinking age, they have a fascination with everything that goes on at the bar for a while. So you want to join the Dart League. You want to join the Cribbage League. Don't join the Bags League.

Whatever you do, don't do it. The modern version now is Bags. It's a trap. I think when we were, oh, they'll keep you for six, eight months, won't they? It's a trap. It is. And it takes forever, so your bar tab is going to be way more expensive than the initiation fee or whatever it is. I think a lot of young guys, especially, Josh, have that brief love affair with darts.

We did. We had a dart board hanging in our basement. We would play it at the bar. We'd play it at home. I always wanted one as a kid. And then I grew out of it. We had mad fist fights a couple of times up at St. Cloud State over stupid. pointless, well, I guess maybe

there is a point. Yep, sometimes it's very sharp. But I'm not trying to be cute with that. We had mad fist fights at the bar over Dart League up at St. Cloud State University. Seems like people always want to play cricket. You know, it was kind of a thing. It was. I'm surprised that it's looked down upon.

I guess I... Well, Ashley and I are being mostly sarcastic. Yeah. But there are some dart players I've came across in my life where I mean it. I hate you. I do think they take up too much room and they need to get out of the way. we can shoot a game of pool.

And here's the thing. Despite my slight and mostly sarcastic disdain for dart players, I'm excellent at the game. I'm absolutely built for that particular game. I can walk away from it, Josh, for five years, come back, and whoop your ass. I'm good at cricket because I'm not like that great at aiming, but I get really lucky. I don't know what the deal is, but like, you know, you're messing around in the bar,

and you're like, oh, you know, you don't even put money into the gosh darn dartboard, but you throw a couple darts just for the heck of it, and then I'll just like rip some bullseyes. And I'm like, I am a god. You are. Would they look down upon me if I made a little tiny crossbow and played darts that way? I think that'd be pretty sweet. That would be the cutest thing in the world.

You and I should walk into a beer hall one night, Ashley, and mop up on these suckers and then walk out of there. I would love that. Then we can play them in pool afterwards. Like, look, we're good at everything we do. Then we'll take the money they owe us and play some pool. Yes. Skoll bitches Jesus says they call dart players, or the darts, I guess, bitch missiles.

In Farmington, they call them bitch missiles. That sounds like something you'd come up with, Ashley. That's perfect. I mean, again, when we were young, 21, 22-year-old guys, of course, you just want to be at the bar 24-7. So, yeah, we got involved in a dart league. up at St. Cloud State. And like I said, you know,

everyone's young and running hot, gotten a couple of fist fights. One of the more incredible things I've ever seen took place on a dart league night that went bad. Of course, my brother,

he was always looking for a reason back then, looking for a reason to tune somebody up. And he got into it with these fellers from the opposite dart team, Next thing you know, we walk into the men's room. My brother, with his left arm, has got one dude's neck pinned to the wall of the bathroom, and the dude's feet are kicking.

Got him by the throat pinned to the wall, and he's beating the piss out of another guy with his right arm. My brother was, what's the word in the business, Josh? He was eliminated. He was... They kicked him out, huh? Yeah. Oh, they don't let you do that?

They don't let you do that. All right, so back to this deal. Okay. Dude with the lobster outfit, knock somebody out. There was some kind of dumb squabble out on the sidewalk, out front the building that was hosting the World DART Championship. And Lobster Man put some other dude to sleep with one punch.

He did. And the guy's still in terrible shape. So the cops are looking for him. They've released video of Lobster Man, hoping someone out there knows who the F is inside that silly costume. They want to put the guy in jail. Sounds like he has a coming. Cut my heart out, Jesus.

Doesn't think Nick could beat Ted Lassel. He doubts you. I don't know who barbecue sauce. I'll tell you what, that was a great scene. I got choked up. Oh, I still do every time I watch it. Never saw it, but I know you guys talk about this television show. It's coming back next week.

He's excellent at darts? Yeah, he hustles the guy in darts. Yeah, in a very cool way. Yeah, that other guy, he was a jerk. He was a dick. I don't know what it is, but I'm just, I was made for that game. What stripper darts? Don't know.

Never heard of that. I guess I've played strip darts before. Or like, I don't even remember the rules, but clothes came off. Sure. Yeah. That's usually the point. Yeah, that's the whole, yeah. Like strip Mario Kart.

I have to ask you a question on that in a second. Are stripper darts? Like, is that a name for nipples? Is that the joke here? Oh, that might be. Let's go with it. Let's go with it. We always call them party darts.

Yeah, I've heard party darts. How naked did people get, Ashley, in this thing? It was just me and the dude I was seen at the time. And we were in his house, so about as naked as you could possibly get. Now, do you start with actual clothes or do you like, well, I'm taking off my bracelet and then my sock and then my other sock? No, that doesn't count. Like shirt? Shirts gone.

Socks don't even count. Wait a minute. Are these teams of dart players who were getting naked or this is a one-on-one type of? She said one-on-one. She said her and her boyfriend. Oh. Here's a guy who texted in to say there was a bar years ago where you could play blow darts. Dude, that's awesome.

That sounds fun. What? Yeah, blow darts. I could see myself accidentally inhaling too hard right there on the tube or whatever and swallowing a dart. Just make a fool out of yourself in front of everybody. We got Cubby in the corner getting the Heimlichman. because he inhaled a dart. How about some straight up heroics for you here as we continue on with the stupid news report?

14-year-old kid out there in Montana used his, oh, you guys just said something about Ted Lasso. Here's a 14-year-old kid out there in Montana who used his lasso and rodeo skill set. Now, there's something I admit that I am not built for. That's so cool. I would love to have some rodeo skills. The kid used his rodeo skill set to save a drowning man. This 14-year-old kid goes by the name of Jory. Jory.

The other day, Jory was visiting his grandparents near something called the Yellowstone River in Montana. Jory had his lariat so he could practice his roping skills. He'd been learning how to operate that damn thing for a year or so, and he brought it everywhere he went. So he's just effing off there at the campground on the Yellowstone River, and he's whipping around his lasso, his lariat, and he hears someone hollering from the river. Jory said he looked out into the woder,

and there was a dude floating just hanging on to a cooler. What happened was a raft carrying four people had just gone under a bridge, but on the way through they crashed into a pillar, and that knocked every damn last one of them into the drink. Three of them made it to shore, but the fourth was that poor dick I was telling you about, who was just barely hanging on to a beer cooler.

And he's whipping down the river like Bert Reynolds in the deliverance. But that 14-year-old kid, Jory, he had his lariat, and he led her buck. Like I said, he'd been practicing, He ran into the shallower part of the river. He got about ass deep. He fired his lasso at the cooler dude, and he roped his carcass on the first try and reeled him into shore.

Isn't that, that'd be like a dream, right? When you're learning how to lasso, you just kind of hope someday you can rescue someone from a river hanging on to a cooler. I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. That would come to mind. You'd probably dream of a heroic scenario.

Sure. Next thing, you know, here come the cops. and whatnot. Cooler dude was all right. Jory's family, they're proud as hell. They say he's a good kid aside from the incident. Yeah, I wish I could whoopo, boom. Try it a few times. I wish I could run that lasso. You did? Yeah. Where did you have the opportunity to try? We used to jump rope, so not like an actual rope. I didn't have the arm strength. I thought maybe you went to

cowboy camp as a nine-year-old or something like that. No, but I did go to an archery day camp with local park. Sick. We used like real everything. It wasn't plastic or anything. Back in the day, you know they didn't care about her safety. Yeah, archery. That was a lot of fun. That was really cool. I thought it was...

I felt like Robin Hood. I hated it. What didn't you like about it? It was boring. We had it in gym class and I hated it. Oh, you guys did it at school? Yeah. Yeah. Real bows and arrows? I mean, I guess Josh, what it was. Yes, yes, we had the real bows and arrows, which I didn't understand. Why are we

I mean, I knew my shortcomings, and I certainly knew there were a few of my classmates who were even dumber than I was. And I kept wondering, why are we all armed right now in this as 12-year-olds? That doesn't sound safe. Josh, maybe I shouldn't say, I guess the reason why I hated it is because I was 12, and I would have much rather been playing football or softball or baseball or baseball. You know, see what I'm saying? That wasn't, yeah, your favorite unit in gym. Right.

I thought I would much rather. be playing another game. All right, there was Lobster Man a little earlier here this morning. How about Spider-Man? Spider-Man to the damn rescue. Here's a video that's going round and round like they do. If you only saw the video with no context at all, you might believe that Spider-Man is real,

and he drives a Jeep Wrangler, and he's currently living in Little Rock, Arkansas. The truth is, a 20-year-old fellow by the name of Christopher, not Peter Parker, Christopher. He was on his way home from work and his Jeep Wrangler when something unexpected happened. Christopher works at a trampoline park. Sweet. I don't know why I thought that was so funny. You just weren't expecting.

No, exactly. A friend of mine brought his kids to one of those trampoline parks where they have tramplean. And they have go-carts and they have a laser tag and they have basketball. And he said it was the most exhausting three hours of his entire life. Oh, yeah. He said he must have lost 20 pounds just sweating, just surrounded by rabid eight-year-olds running around doing all the other. Hell yeah. Anyway.

We've got a trampoline. It doesn't have all that other stuff, but a trampoline park by us and it's exhausting. Oh, it is. I went there once. The same one by us? Yeah, me and a date went, and we just thought, like, oh, it'll be fun. Let's go bouncing the trampolines. It's like three minutes for like, okay, my legs are exhausted.

It's so exhausting, dude. So Christopher is on his way home from work. He works at a trampoline park. And on this, which is, I'm sure, wall-to-wall kids. On this particular day, to go along with a superhero themed event at the trampoline park, Christopher was dressed like full-on Spider-Man's. the red and white skin tight outfit, the mask, the whole smear. Now, why Christopher still had the spidey suit on, including the mask while driving home,

I couldn't tell you. I'm guessing he was just having fun with the bit. Maybe he was stoned. I don't know. I was going to be impressed with his self-esteem because I'd be too self-conscious. I certainly would change before I got in the car on the way home. For fear of anybody saw me dressed as Spider-Man. How the hell would they know who you are with the thing on, with the mask on?

So what do you care? You know what I mean? Well, I still feel pretty. silly. You would. Anyways, while stopped at a red light at a busy six-lane intersection, Christopher saw some poor some bitch in one of those wheelchairs struggling

to get across the street. Feeling that superhero Spider-Man vibe, Christopher hopped out of his Jeep and pushed the poor bastard across the intersection, clear of any oncoming traffic, saving the day for the entire Little Rock community. Is the video on our website?

Yes, it is. Nice. That's exactly what Spider-Man would do. Well, he'd probably swing them over. Yeah, he'd do it like a little more fancy. Yeah, more flare. But that's pretty cute. The deal was recorded by traffic cameras. The local cops tossed a video up on that godless and evil and wildly misinformed social media.

And now Christopher is the coolest peckerhead in town. When he was asked about all this, Christopher said he's always been a Spider-Man fan. He said he even had the opportunity once to meet the late Stan Lee, created Spider-Man or something. Mm-hmm. So there you go. I was kind of hoping. The story was going to go in a direction where he got pulled over and had to do a

feel sobriety test in the Spider-Man outfit. Or they give him a ticket for wearing the mask. Yeah. Left-handed specialist Jesus had a friend who took his kids to the trampoline park. The friend ended up blowing out both of his knees and had to have surgery on both of them. Yeah, that'll do it. Yeah, I could see, especially at my age now, like, knees is buckling if I try to get on a trampoline like that.

If you try and go hard, like jump between them or something like that, you could be in some trouble. Nope. One of our listeners, Kenny had archery in gym class as well when he was growing up and they had the real deal. The real arrows and the real. What did we use? Cubby, was it a haystack? Yep, that's what we used, at least with a bull's eye on it. And he said a kid took an arrow straight through his hand.

Oh, that's sick. That's what I kept waiting on. And that was part of why I didn't enjoy archery in gym class. I thought, number one, this is kind of boring. We could be playing football. And also, I just did not trust this setup. At least you guys had the real deal in my school. We did, yeah.

We had, it was like rubber tips, basically, and we just shot at a whiteboard with a hand-drawn bullseye on it. DUR! We bought, like, when my youngest was little, we bought one of those, like, plastic ones or whatever. You get a target, and it was on a side. stand and I thought it was really cool. It came with all the stuff. It was garbage. I think

we broke it on day one. That thing absolutely sucked. I was more excited about it than he was. So you guys have a fun park in your neighborhood that has the trampolines and the go carts and the laser tae? Huh? Just the trampolines. Did you ever have one of those all

purpose type joints in a strip mall in your neighborhood where they had the basketball court? Grand Slam. Okay. I love Grand Slam. I'll tell you this. They popped one of those up in my neighborhood when we were fresh out of high school. So we were 18, 19. It only lasted a couple of years. Tell me if it was different in your neighborhood. That joint, that's where you went, especially if you went there to play basketball. That's where you

went if you wanted seven guys to beat you within an inch of your life. There was always fights. There was fights there every time we went. And it was like straight out of a movie, seven guys stomping on one guy's head and just it was the most violent spot in my hometown. Oh no, I just have very pleasant like 12th grade birthday. Yeah, same year. It's always pretty pleasant for me as well. I'm still scared to go to those places for that reason. We didn't have anything like that, but we had an arcade.

And it was, you're pretty much guaranteed to get into a fight or come very close to get into a fight. The arcade was always shady. But we would go there and you know, you rent your basketball or whatever for 20. cents. And before we went out on the court, we'd take a look around and say, okay, are the, you know, to look at the crowd who's playing already, are these guys, do these guys look like the types that are going to beat the living hell out of us? Are we going to die here today? It was just ridiculous. Every time we went there, there was blood on the court. Dude. I don't know what happened or what was going on. There's certain

places are still kind of like that. And that's why it never lasted. The cops were there constantly, And it was all for basketball. The basketball games would all get out of hand. I mean, they're on to kids now, right? I mean, that's why certain places like the Mall of America, and I think even Valley Fair, you have to be accompanied by an adult if you're a certain age after a certain time. Of course, we'd lower the hoop down to seven feet and just destroy the day.

Yeah, that was the best. They'd be like a 13-year-old kid working there. Hey, guys, don't hang on the rim. Yeah, right. We just tear it to pieces. Sports On the 93 eggs Half-Ast Morning Show

What do we got? Twins started off their series with a walk-off victory. That's exciting. It looked like they hit Royce Lewis with the chew bucket. You know, when you're the walk-off guy, Josh, they dump the water bucket on you, they dump the Gatorade bucket on you.

It looked like they might have gotten them with the chew pail. God, that's a mistake. Yeah. That's not right. Yeah. Except for me, I'd be like, I regret hitting that hit. I hate all of you. Why did a nice wing and miss?

Yeah. Should have struck out. They got him with the snoo's bucket. And he seemed to like it. But, I mean, that's like they sprinkle that stuff on their Cheerios in the morning. Ball players do. So it ain't no big deal to get a spitter over the top of your head. Twins beat the Royals and walk off fashion last night.

What was it, three to two? Joe Ryan going to pitch tonight? You know who pitches for the Royals tonight, Josh? Who? The pimp. Dobnick? Randy Dobnack. I'm glad he's still hanging around.

I had no idea. The Pimp is back in town. The picture they used, like to promote his appearance tonight, he's looking good. Does he still have the handlebar mustache? No, he's got a full beard. What? Actually, you know what? Let me see if I can blow it.

He might not even have the... Oh yeah, he's still got the mustache. I thought the mustache wasn't there, but his beard is so full. It kind of hides it. The friggin' pimp. Well, that's great. Randy Schaver will be here at 730, and we'll get into every other damn thing that we can imagine

and that you could ever dream of. Josh's news is coming up next. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about.

And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer, Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bialki Law today. or go to beaulkelaw.com. That's bia-l-l-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Jim Rome takes on sports. Part of what makes this show, the show, is the show within the show. The biggest topic on the show always seems to be the show itself. This is a way to give you clones, a way to interact with one another.

Yes, we will be going through the chat. Yes, it'll be a part of the program. The only thing that could ruin the show are the old-school clones. spitting up the same bull crap that they always have. The jungle is out taking names and ready to dominate. Let's get it. The Jim Rome Show podcast. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

93x half-assed morning show. Would it revert, Tim? What it reversed? 93X rocks. Oh, love. These nation state actors are typically after either causing disruption or they're looking for monetary gains through something like ransomware. attack, which we've seen across our nation. There's nothing quite like a coordinated cyber attack on

over 30 community water systems across Minnesota to start the work week. What initially appeared to be isolated equipment malfunctions apparently have rapidly escalated. Minnesota IT services confirmed that the Sunday and Monday strike specifically targeted operational technology, revealing an intrusion far more widespread than first reported. The threat actors are now using AI to find attack vectors that maybe weren't as easily discoverable before. Because state law classifies cyber attack reports as non-public information, Minnesota IT services has not disclosed the full list of affected communities. However, officials and some have stepped up to publicly confirm their water facilities were indeed hit. Leaders and cities

are telling residents not to panic, insisting the drinking water is completely safe and everyone can go on using their H2O, bro. The city of Plymouth actually says that the hack was limited to two water towers and multiple lift stations that all connect via cellular communications. They tell residents of the water quality, though, not affected. Now, in addition to Plymouth, South St. Paul, Maple Plain, and Bram, also confirming that they were involved in a similar cybersecurity incident. Minnesota IT services noted yesterday, not a single municipality has asked residents to change

up their water habits just yet. come from groups with ties to China, Russia, Iran, or North Korea. Now, as for why do they do it, in short, because they can. The goal is to disrupt and send a message to the United States. If you don't live in Wizzetta, then chances are Nick thinks your town is garbage. Well, it is. And this story out of the South Metro isn't doing their city any favors. South Metro. As if Minnesota's oppressive heat. What a joke. See, I knew it. Wasn't bad enough lately. an Apple Valley neighborhood just hosted what police described as, quote, probably the least pleasant cookout in town.

When a garbage truck suddenly caught fire, the driver was forced to make a split second call, watched the entire vehicle burn to the ground, or eject a blazing, rank trash volcano to save the rig. The driver chose survival. Right there in the middle of a residential street, the truck dumped a massive roaring heap of refuse directly onto the asphalt, instantly transforming a sleepy suburban block into the Midwest least inviting campfire.

Yes, it's supposed to happen that way. No, we aren't starting a new curbside collection program. The Apple Valley Police Department quipped on Facebook, reassuring residents the driver was simply following protocol to keep the whole truck from exploding into a fireball. Oh, damn. While there's no official word on what sparked the blaze, police are using the incident to remind folks to let charcoal ashes

or anything else cool off. That's hot. completely before tossing it. Lithium ion batteries are another frequent explosive culprit behind the trash fires. Wow. So dude's driving up and down like he does in his trash truck, and he suddenly realizes that the whole smear is a fire. Yeah, I mean, we've heard stories like this before.

I've never heard anything like that before. It happened. We've read a couple stories in the news before locally where they realize, oh, man, I've got to get rid of this thing. This is going to be bad. Huh. After temporarily recording, excuse me, redecorating the road with a smoldering olfactory disaster, Apple Valley PD delivered the happy ending, saying the truck was saved, no one was

injured, and cleanup is underway. After me. You can be the most cautious law-abiding driver on the highway, and yet life can still find a way to completely ruin your day in the absolute crappiest way possible. According to the Arkansas State Police, Ronald Langley, was simply minding his own business, driving on the interstate about 2 p.m. last Friday, when fate decided to be a heartless dick. A truck hauling two portable toilets somehow managed to lose one of those plastic poop palaces,

dropping it squarely into Langley's Lane. Proof positive that no matter how smoothly your week is going, a total craptastrophe is always lurking around the corner. The damn thing was full? No. Oh. No, it just fell off. Oh, okay.

It's waiting to take a dump all over you, life can be. Langley's car slammed straight into the runaway crapper, which tragically caused fatal injuries. What? Not many people would ever guess death by rogue portapotty if asked to speculate how they'll go, but unfortunately, that's exactly how it played out for this poor guy. That's terrible.

No other injuries were reported. Well, at least he wasn't soaked in wet, cold feces and urine. No. That's a plus. No. As a matter of fact. Drowned in it, you know. What if he would have choked on it or something like that? That would have been way worse.

Yeah, this probably. probably's a better way to go. There was no poop in there, what I've been told. Yeah, they pumped it out. If this story sounds like a little deja poop, it's familiar because we just talked about the great Highway 62 manure wave of 2026. Last week, Minneapolis communers had their morning drive

turned into a literal crapshoot when a massive wave of liquefied manure spilled out of a truck onto the asphalt, you may remember. I know a guy who was on the road when it happened. He said they got him, too. His mouth was open. Oh, no. I have a friend that drove right. through that. He said it was, at that point

they had it, you know, it wasn't just liquid crap all over the place, but he said the smell was out of control. And he was wondering if, you know, if anybody had their windows down. Can you imagine getting sprayed with something like that? No. I never considered that. That would be the worst day of my life. He said a lot of it got on his Bosco stick. He was eating a Bosco stick.

I'm so sorry. That's not right. If you saw the video, you noticed cars, fish tailing, windshields getting blasted with bovine butt broth and a power washer crew had to be called in to hose down the freeway feces. So while the Arkansas Interstate Port-a-Potty incident was proof that lightning and fecal disasters can strike twice, luckily, despite the putrid nightmare on Highway 60Poo, thankfully our local mess came with zero injuries. But a couple of people said their cars are done.

Dude said he got some of it on his brand new clothes, too. Brand new clothes, man. Yeah. A drunk driver in Florida didn't do himself any favors when he drifted straight into an active crime scene early Sunday morning, making it a delightful easy day for the local lawmen. According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office, the incident unfolded about 3 a.m. Deputies were working the scene of a traffic accident when an SUV casually mounted the sidewalk, completely ignoring the marked patrol cars with their lights on that were blocking the road.

Body camera footage released by the Sheriff's Office captured the 29-year-old explaining to deputies he was traveling from St. Petersburg. When a deputy asked if he had anything to drink, initially claimed no, but then seemingly forgot what he had just said. Actually, I went for my friend. He's in St. Pete. Okay. So we had some fun. Did we have any drinks while we're over at St. Pete? No. No, we went like the club. We had some drinks. Ah, rats. Buddy. Yeah, you just said you didn't have drinks. What the hell happened there? Well, he also had a bit of trouble counting, and even more trouble grasping the catastrophic level of trouble he was actually in. 107, 1008, 1008.

Now, how you made it all away from St. Pete? God knows, okay? You're clearly intoxicated. What? In an influence of alcohol, you should not be driving. Okay, so you are going to be going to jail for a DUI. Oh, yes. I thought I completed it.

Can I try it again? No. What? What did he say? Can I try it again? The cop. What, the count? The count?

He wants to try the whole thing. I get it. Let's start over again. Yeah, I obviously didn't do very well. I think I can do it now. Unsurprisingly, he failed the sobriety exercises there and was arrested for driving under the influence. So the number that comes after 1008 is not 1,0008 again.

No, you've got to go up one. Son of a bitch. Another Florida driver decided to test her luck with a blocked off crime scene just a day later, and the results were predictably the same as the previous guy. A woman was arrested for driving under the influence after cruising right through a blocked roadway during an active traffic investigation. Deputies were assisting the Florida Highway Patrol Monday night by closing off the road when a vehicle boldly attempted to drive right around them. As the Brevard County Sheriff's Office put it in a Facebook post, deputies asked Lauren Anderson to perform roadside exercises, also known as the drunk Olympics, which she subsequently declined to participate in, they wrote.

Anderson was escorted to jail where she agreed to a breath test, which she spectacularly failed, registering well over twice the legal limit. To top it all off, deputies later learned that her late-night joyride was already on radar. A concerned citizen had previously called in a potential drunk driver in that exact same vehicle after watching it slammed into a construction barrier. She's a wrecking ball, cubby. Sounds that way. Meanwhile, bad judgment behind the wheel isn't strictly a sunshine state phenomena.

A driver in Arizona decided to celebrate the weekend by heading to an intersection and ripping donuts right into a fire hydrant. Nothing impresses the chicks more than, hey, look at my cool car moves, and it ends with a towering geyser of public water high in the air. Oh, yeah, that always gets me going. Wow, look at that.

You crash into a fire hydrant. That's cool. So cool, dude. Thanks to that one guy who really wanted to show off, the entire area around the intersection had to be shut down for hours while repair crews scrambled to fervoir. fix the wrecked sewer line.

A 28-year-old in Japan was arrested for public indecency last week after saying sayanara to his clothing and Kenichiwa to stark naked strolls right into local convenience stores. The late-night Barrett-all began shortly before 2 a.m., when witnesses got a bonsai view of the Japanese man's fleshy sushi roll. Fast forward to 4 a.m., when a disgusted convenience store worker called authorities to report the same unclosed man had just Tokyo drifted into the... the shop, took a quick look around, and walked back out. When officers arrived, they spotted the naked man just hanging out in the parking lot,

completely unbothered by the chilly night air or basic societal norms. According to police, the guy was stone cold sober, and he offered a rather casual explanation for his midnight strut. Officers quoted him as saying he just felt like walking naked, and he'd done so before. So he's just one of those, you know, loosey-goosey, hippie-dippy, naturalist type people. Yeah, I've done it before. What's the big deal now? I do like that. When people do something you're obviously not supposed to do, but they say,

well, I've done it before and didn't get in trouble. Sure. You should have never done it ever. So why would I get in trouble this time? That's so ridiculous. It's like a child's logic. Four years after a Forest Lake Card and Gaming Shop was plundered for almost a quarter million dollars, lightning in the form of greedy opportunists struck the shop again. In the pre-dawn hours of Saturday, burglars shattered the store's front window and made off with about $50,000 in valuables,

marking the third Twin Cities game shop hit in just the last month. It was a mess everywhere and just took a bunch of steel product off this while more expensive Pokemon stuff. Surveillance video posted by Punch Out Gaming captures the 357 a.m. raid, two mass figures smashed through the glass, shove armfuls of merchandise into bags and vanish within 90 seconds. Well, it happened again. Anybody know these two clowns? They drive a goldish minivan that's missing three hubcaps, Punchout Road. Of course it is.

That's just so sad. And it happened again. Pissed and it happened again. You know, like we upgrade our security and they smash and dash. It's the fourth or fifth game store in the last month it happened to. Unfortunately, it's not Punchout's first rodeo with high-stakes crime. Back in 2022, calculated thieves broke into the neighboring business and carved holes through the adjoining wall, escaping with $200,000 in cash inventory.

They ended up renting the place next to them, so that wouldn't happen again. You think these fellas could upgrade that minivan at this point? Yeah, well, they have a lot of cash in cards, it sounds like, if they can get rid of them. Apparently trading cards are the new gold standard for local bottom feeders. Saturday's strike comes on the heels of a similar heist roughly a month ago in Egan, where thieves cleaned out approximately $25,000 and high-value Pokemon cards from a close. Law Machine Arcade. And while Minnesota shop owners are left sweeping up broken glass and counting their losses,

card vendors across the Pacific are taking a dramatically different approach to keeping bad actors at bay. Pokemon is escorting its anti-reseller tactics to a point where got to scan them all is the new corporate motto. Select Pokemon card stores in Japan are implementing mandatory facial recognition checks, requiring shoppers to pass a scan just to step through the door. Though Pokemon stopped short of explicitly calling it an anti-scalping tool, the tech effectively shucks down double dippers by blocking anyone trying to reenter for extra purchases.

Yeah, Pokemon's got not a hand at this point. Well, yeah, it's certainly not a card game anymore. No, gosh, no. And that's one of the things, I mean, these poor local guys, you could just see how defeated the owners were. Like, what else can we do? I mean, we've up security, everything. Rented the place next door? This is crazy.

They've done everything they could think of. They're thinking to get in a guard dog now. I'm hoping that helps. Hell yeah. They'd be badass. There were some people at the grocery store around me the other day, and they're all in line for what I imagine. I mean, there's no other card that gets people in line, right? No, it's just Pokemon.

And they were all at least 40 years old. It makes me feel bad for the kids that can't enjoy it like I did when I was a younger kid. So you were into it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I loved it. I mean, I had like one of those big binders, just four. full of Pokemon cards. We ended up selling them

at a garage sale before they were worth absolutely like anything. But I mean, they wouldn't be worth anything today anyway because we would just destroy them. We actually used them. And yeah, it makes me sad that kids don't get to experience that. Isn't that something, Josh? In the old days, people would feel unsafe walking into the porn shop.

Right. Now it's the Pokemon. Whatever Pokemon is, I still to this day have no idea. Now that's the shadiest spot in town. Yeah? Yeah, it's too bad. I mean, they're doing what they can. And the owner brought up a point like, hey, so we buy this product. And by the time we sell it, oftentimes the values increased already.

It's appreciated. Go back to selling porn. And I don't know if this guy's ever sold porn. Oh. Might as well, though. That's not as lucrative as it probably used to be with being so prolific on the Internet and whatnot. But, yeah, you know, so they said those losses are just gone that they could have sold it for more. That sucks.

join 93x and Minneapolis downtown parks for Nacho Libre night tonight at Commons Park right there outside of the new Metrodome. Free live Lucha Libre wrestling starting at 6 p.m., followed by a free outdoor showing of Nacho Libre at sunset. There's food and beverages available for purchase on site. Sounds like a really fun event. I've got a luchador mask. Will you do the show wearing it tomorrow, Josh? Yeah, if you want me to. It might be better to look at than what I'm bringing on an orange.

I just think looking across and seeing you doing your news and the luchador mask would be hilarious. I'd like that too. I'd love to try one. All right, I'll bring it in. I think I might have thrown mine away because I wore it for Halloween a couple years and it ended up smelling like dog feces. I mean, I'll look around. I might still have my lucha mask too. Nacho Libre is such a glorious movie, too.

It's wonderful. Do I bring my ball gag or is that not a part of this whole thing? Yeah, you zip up costume if you got that. Yeah, bring the leather. Sure. Just keep that away from the orphans. Rush legend, Getty Lee, 73 and talented today. Oh, you know what?

I finally got a look at what Rush looks like with their new drummer the other night. She's awesome. It's terrific. It was terrific to see Getty and Alex Lifeson still out there doing it. And Getty sounded great. And the gal is incredibly talented. And great for Rush. I mean, those guys are living legends.

The world is going to stop spinning when Getty is gone. That would be one of the things. the more intimidating roles to step in in music, to fill the late Neil Peart? Yeah, but you know, they're just such great guys. And even after all these years and all their success, they're just a couple of Canadian schmows that are looking to, you know, play some prog rock. I met more fans. Yeah, the fans are crazy. Yeah, that's the fan reaction. I mean. I guess you're right. Yeah, there might be a couple of snobs out there who are never going to accept this lady. Yeah. Neil would have done a different.

parodittle there. You know, I mean, just getting real picky on something like that. One of the best drummers that's ever lived. That'd be a very intimidating spot to step in. She's doing a great job. I've never seen so many grown men cry than at a few rush concerts that I attended in the past. Legendary Uncle Jesus dialed up the Luther Kia Bloomington text line and said, morning, Dickheads and smash. Good morning. Eddie goes on to say, happy birthday to the hardest work in electricity, water, food, and home providing badass guy, big heart, short temper, but all around great person, me, legendary Uncle Jesus. Happy birthday to you.

On the go, she's text in a happy birthday to her husband, and thank you for the first text she sent this morning. And happy national chicken wing day to Dana. Hey, thank you. And any and all lovers of the chicken wing in the 93X audience. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. When the fantasy has ended.

and all the children are gone Something good inside me Helps me to carry on I ate some bugs I ate some grass I use my hand to wipe my tears To kiss your mouth I break my vow

No no no no no Jose Unless you want to Then we break a vows together. Encarnazio! Encarnacion! Encarnacio! Carnacio!

What a hot ticket she was, Encarnacion. No wonder Nacho Libre considered breaking his vows. Randy Shaver. Good morning, good morning. Good morning, Randy. We've been talking about a party going on tonight. We've been talking about it all morning. What's that?

with the WWE in town for that SummerSlam gimmick. There's all kinds of events going on here, there, this side of town, that side of... Did you know that we were mostly unfamiliar with this? There's some little kind of a gathering area outside the new Metrodome called the Commons, they call it Randy Schaever. Okay, is that like the open space that's in front? Must be because the four or five of us have never been there. But tonight, they're opening that friggin' area up. for a little party, and 93X is going to be there.

Lucha Libre Wrestling starts at 6 o'clock live tonight, Randy Shaver. You can see those unbelievable athletes doing all that Lucha Libre stuff with the backflips and the top rope and the Canadian destroyers and this and that. And then at sunset, they're going to show the movie Nacho Libre for the crowd. Perfect. It's nice, cool evening to do all that, right? Oh, good. It's going to be miserable again today, isn't it?

Oh, they were being sarcastic. Oh, no. In the 90s. Yeah, I mean, yesterday was somewhat tolerable, but I hear we're taking a little bit of a turn towards the more disgusting variety. Well, hell, the crowd's used to it by now. This summer's been so miserable. Right, right.

So there you go. One of my favorite movies, Nacho Libre. That sounds like a great idea. Did you guys know that when they were filming the movie? Now, Josh has never saw it, he said. I'll watch it this weekend. Dana, Randy Shaver, Nacho Libre. I saw it back in the day, but I haven't seen it since.

Yeah, I've seen it, I think, in pieces. I don't think I've seen it all the way through. One of my favorites. I could watch it every day. When they were filming the movie, whoever makes these types of decisions, the movie company, whoever it is, they had trouble finding a stuntman body double for Jack Black.

because of the way Jack is shaped, the way he's built, or at least the way he was built back when that movie was made 20 years ago, whenever the hell it was, they could not find a body double or a stuntman to match his body shape. According to what I read this morning, they hired a guy named Tom who had never been a stuntman or a body double before, but he was just the only guy they could find that could match Jack Black's build. What a gig

for your first ever your first ever movie job. Yeah, I would say, though, that his employment is probably limited. Well, maybe he just tells Jack Black, hey, bro, keep my phone number. Yeah, that's right. Whenever you're in a movie and you need me, call me. And also, if you know the movie,

you know, they put on these wrestling shows and this little auditorium in the middle of nowhere. And apparently, they had trouble finding just extras, people to hang out and pretend like they were enjoying these live wrestling shows. If you look closely, it says here, if you watch the movie, you can see that some of the extras in the crowd were actually blow-up sex dolls. They looked real, and it was all they could really manage at the time.

Yeah, sometimes you've got to do what you got to do. We should do that in our casino broadcast to make it look like it's really packed in there. But advertise it. Look at this frigging crowd, and they're all so surprised. Why is everybody surprised? Mouth's wide open. They look to be in shock. And they're also welcoming.

Yes. Oh, very welcoming. No boundaries. These people have no boundaries at all. They're not asking any questions. Have fun, everyone tonight at the Nacho Libre party. As you can tell, I'm a, fan of the setup. I hope that gets packed. Yeah, I bet it does.

Wrestling fans are excited. All bad. Is that the same area that will be flooded with people for the NFL draft in a couple of years? I'll go along with it again because most of us were not familiar with this little. I think it's the big space that's in front of U.S. Bank, that's that wide open grass space. Okay. Yeah. Maybe I did. Or they put tents up, you know, pre-game. Vikings games and all that kind of stuff. Maybe I did see a couple people vomiting there before the Guns and Roses concert a few years ago. I just can't remember. All right. Well, the twins started off their latest series by smooth stealing one out from under the Kansas City Royals.

Yeah. I think the bigger news yesterday is actually what the general manager said. Okay. And he made it clear they are a buyer. They are not a seller. And you are believing this story. Actually, I am believing them. Okay, good. Good. Because I don't think he's going to put something out like that and then change his mind. I don't think that's the right thing to do. They're a half game back of the wild card.

They're two and a half back in the division. I'm sorry, two games back in the division. You know, that win last night was fantastic to win it in the bottom of the ninth. thanks to Royce Lewis, who's been struggling this year off and on. Actually, it was a pinch hit, hit last night, too. Or he did pinch hit during the game. He came in in the seventh inning or something like that. Yeah, he didn't even start the game.

So I think that's the big news. The news is they're looking for bullpen help, which we all knew that was part of it. I also think they may have to investigate getting an everyday player or someone that can play every day. because if Buxton is not, if he's going to be off and on the IL for the next two months, as they make a run for this thing, that's not going to, that's not going to work. Either that or they call some guys up, which they have potential for sure in St. Paul to do.

But certainly the bullpen is the number one thing for them right now is to find some answers. down there, although they've got some guys that have contributed. I think this Anderson kid's been pretty good. Jack Anderson. Yeah, limited time. Funderberg has been decent. You know, the Morris kid has been good.

He has been. Unfortunately, Sands hurt himself in his first game back on Sunday. He was back for about 20 minutes and now was, yeah. Lost for the year. So they've got some holes to fill, but you know, if you're a twins fan today, The team is 500.

We're almost to August. I don't know too many people that thought that was even possible. But here we are. Good for them to make the decision. Uh-oh. You know, to make the decision, this is what we're going to do. No, I said, uh-oh, because we're, from looking at the text messages, we're being too positive again, you guys.

Oh, no. I understand. We have the disclosure around you? Uh, where is my disclosure? We're getting text saying, hey, guys, you know. I'm not being positive. I'm just stating what they have stated, that they are, they have decided they're going to be buyers and not sellers. I had heard that rumor for a few weeks now, but now whoever's running things, who's the Polad that's running things now?

Tom. Tom, but Jeremy Zoll is the general manager. GM Jeremy Zoll is the one who came forward and said, we're going to be buyers. That's correct. Which is very exciting. Yeah. I'm looking for my. My negative twins disclaimer.

You better put it out there. People are claiming we're being way too positive and they're trying to remind us of all the things that we already know. Right. They're trying to remind us of all the bad. Correct. I mean, it would make sense to trade Jeffers, though, because he's 29.

He's going to get paid. He's not going to stay here. We're not going to pay him the money. Free agent after this season is over, correct? Yes. Yes. Ryan Jeffers. I mean, if that, I don't disagree.

That makes the most sense. And I guess my thought on that is if they can get relief help that can help them right now, that'd be awesome. But the unfortunate part is that Jeffers is playing so well and he hits in the middle of the lineup. And if Buxton's going to be hurt, I don't think you can afford to lose him if you sincerely want to make a run through August and September. Here's a text from Power Plant Jesus who says, hang on a second, the 20. traded Varland, Durian, and Griffin Jacks last season, and now they're looking for bullpen help. What's the thought process?

See, what you have to do is you've got to let it go. You just got to let it go. We know all of this. We know how silly a lot of this is. Okay, here we go. Keep in mind. Keep in mind, he says. They got Taj Bradley back in the Jackson, in the Griffin Jackster.

Yeah, Tosh Bradley's been very good. He's been fabulous. He's been really good. Here it is. And he's only going to get better. The twins suck. Their owners totally suck. They should sell the team. They're awful people. Beer costs too much. Sure, they've won a few games, but it doesn't really matter. Even if they are in position to make the playoffs, they'll either be sellers at the trade deadline

or they'll get whoop by the Yankees in the opening round. The twins will never play in another World Series ever again. Royce Lewis sucks. Byron Buxton says he wants to be here, but he really doesn't. They'll both be injured soon enough because they suck. Their bullpen sucks. They're just going to trade Joe Ryan anyway, so who cares. Baseball sucks. Baseball is boring. The Polats can suck it. they've ruined our lives. Okay.

So there, we've dumped that out again, just so you know, we are aware. But we're just going to talk a little baseball as if we're not living in a total nightmare. We're still going to do that now and again. Joe Ryan's going to pitch tonight, and Josh and I are very excited because on the other side of the bump, on the other side of the scene, pitching for the rules tonight. Yes, the return of the pimp. That's great. Randy Dobnack.

How about that? Talk about resurrecting your career. Hell yes. We've been a fan of the pimp from the word go, and he's back in town. And I think, Nick, that the Royals traded with Seattle to get Dobnick. Got to go and get Dobnick. So Dobnick was on a team that potentially could make the playoffs, and then gets traded to Kansas City, who's like 20 games under four.

What was that old song? It ain't easy being a pimp. That's right. Pimpin ain't easy. That goes to show you. You know what I noticed last night after Royce Lewis had the big walkoff triple, you know, the whole scene, how they do it. He runs around the field and they dump the Gatorade bucket on him and then they dumped the, it looked like they might have hit him with the spittoon. Ooh. Yeah. Gross. Yeah. How common is that in the MLD MLB these days? Very uncommon, I would imagine. I thought there were rules against it. Maybe they just hide it. It looks like they hit him with the spit bucket. But, you know, that's part of the fun of being a professional baseball player.

Well, as long as they just hit him with the spit bucket and not while he's doing the interview with Audra Martin. And then she got hit with the spit bucket, too. It's one thing when they get hit with the Gatorade, the sideline reporter. It's kind of funny. She's very good at getting out of the way. She is. She's a pro at this point. And if people didn't catch on, yes, Byron Buckson left the game last night with a hip problem.

It's the same hip that was bothering him before. It's an aggravating injury. And that's why I say if they're serious about making a run, a position player, either they call somebody up or they make a deal. Because I just don't know, you know, it just doesn't feel like Buxton is going to ever be completely healthy for the rest of the season. That he's always going to be having this lingering issue. Tatted Mama Sheezers has had a night. Enough of the negative twins fan.

She texted in to say, stop giving the whining bitches any more attention. Amen. And I don't mess with tatted mama Jesus because she's tatted up. Yeah. She's tatted up. She hoared.

How about this from a listener who texted in? Okay, so tonight, Royals, twins, game two, Joe Ryan and the pimp. And Randy said, maybe they're looking to be buyers. Exciting. That's not what I see. said. That's what Jeremy Zoll said.

Sure. You don't want to get yourself in trouble, I understand. I'm just saying. No, I know. I'm saying what the general manager said after the game last. You're saying, but the other guy said, and then you said it, I said it. How about a shout out here? A listener texted in and said, can I get a shout out for my beer league softball club who won the championship last night? So yes, congratulations. This must be a co-ed club, Josh. They call themselves balls and dolls.

I'm just assuming that must mean it's a co-ed. There you go. Last night, Blue Jay's starting pitcher, Shane Bieber, walked, he walked six batters in two-thirds of an inning. Yeah. In the first inning. That's kind of hard for a major league pitcher to do, I would think. Well, after the game, Bieber's manager, what's

the Blue Jays skipper again, Frank. Drebbin. Drebben, formerly of police squad. After the game, the Blue Jays skipper said that it was hotter than two rats and an effing wool sock in Washington, D.C. last night, to steal a quote from Ichiro Suzuki. And he said Bieber was sweating his bag off out there, and he couldn't grip the baseball for Dick Tray.

Oh, well, that's possible. He only threw 42 pitches last night. He was in and out after two-thirds of an inning. Yeah, he walked four, he gave up four runs. He walked six. Yes. And that was it. He was done.

Six of the nine batters he faced. He walked him, including three with the bases loaded. I mean, this is a low point of all time for this kid. What is your favorite American expression? August in Kansas City. it's harder than two rats in a fucking move sock. It's my favorite. Never in my life had I seen Bob Costas

have so much fun than that interview with Ichiro back in his early days in the big leagues. So yeah, 42 pitches for Shane Bieber, only 15 strikes. According to ESPN research, he's only the fourth pitcher since 19. 169 to issue six walks in the first inning of a game. That is just, I mean, that reminds me of bad, bad little league baseball games. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even the coaches are just rolling their eyes saying, get me out of here. This is miserable. Parents are like, there's not enough wine in my glass right now and my tumbler to get me through this game. I'll also say that Bieber has been hurt for the vast majority of the season, and he just came back like a month ago. So it's not surprising that he's had.

some issues and they struggled a little bit. God, imagine walking back through that Douglet though. Hey, good shit there, bud. Thanks. Appreciate you. At least Toronto made it a game last night. I mean, the final was 8 to 6, so they did come back and score some

runs and try to make it interesting. I think before the game two, the two Varland brothers brought the lineups cards out to home plate. Yeah, you know, Louis was on the twins last year, but you know, 22, saves and 22 opportunities.

Anyway, we're not giving those bitches any attention anymore, Josh. It doesn't seem like it. Because Tatted Mama Jesus told us not to. How about we dump a few more shoutouts on some local beer league softball teams? Colby Cheezes Jesus texted in. He wants a word up to

his softball clubs. They're called eight jerks and a squirt. I love the names. We never made up a sexually charged or controversial name for our softball team. What were some of the names you had? Well, nothing.

Oh, you didn't come up with the name at all? I mean, yeah, we had a name, but none of it was meant to shock not creative like that. The sellout crowds that we played in front of. Right, but what were some of the names? Oh, I really don't remember. Oh, oh, yes, I do remember. Okay, yeah.

It was slightly comedic. At one point or another, Josh, we, Oh, we referred to ourselves as Lambda, Lambda, Lambda. Oh, that's a good one. In reference to the movie The Revenge of the Nerds. Also, we were, we had a caddyshack theme going. So our team was Bushwood Country Club. So there were two, but we never, like, meant to make anyone real and disgust, you know, by the...

Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just saying we kept it fairly tame. Were you sponsored by a local bar or anything? When I was a kid, my dad played Beer League, and they were sponsored by the local carboneys in Egan, and we'd get to go to Carbonies after. And it was just, you know, I get a dollar worth of quarters, go play some arcade games, get some soda, get some pizza. It was the time of my life. We were sponsored by a bar for about 20 years, but they never asked us to put their name on our jerseys, I think, because they weren't totally sure what kind of people we were. You know what I mean?

We trust you, but not that much. Right. We're risky. Come on over here and drink and eat after the game, and we'll pay for you. your jerseys and whatnot, but maybe we don't want you to represent us all the time. They heard about a mugshot being circulated with you wearing the jersey. The old Lone Spur in Minnetonka, was that Hopkins or Minnetonka? That would be Hopkins Crossroads and Minnetonka Boulevard Lone Spur.

I'm sure many of you just know what I'm talking about. They're no longer in business. I forget what they turned into. Oh, man, did we have some times at the Lone Spur? Loved that F in place. So there you go. I'm trying to keep up with all these softball team names. Yeah, so we were Lambda, Lambda, Lambda.

We were Bushwood Country Club. Well, for many years, we were sponsored by a legit company, a close family friend of mine. Listal Erection. They were a construction company, and they were legitimately called, legitimately called Listal Erection. So people might have assumed we were trying to be cute, but we weren't. That was the legit company name. Hey, Randy Shaver.

Yeah. The DWIs are picking up, so we must be getting closer to the NFL regular season. The Vikings had to suspend their defensive backs coach. A dude called Gerald Alexander. They suspended Gerald for three weeks without pay because he got pinched for a D-dub earlier this year. You know what else he's got coming to him, Josh? What's that? Community service.

Yeah. That's part of it. Who took part in community service? Any of us? No. I never got pinch or anything like that. Me neither. High school community service.

I had detention once and I had to do essentially community service around the high school. Oh, this friggin story again. Repain a gym and things like that. You have been treated so unfairly in your life. Not only by your family, but also by coworkers. But also by coworkers and in your academic life. You've been mistreated. I don't know about that.

I truly think you have. It seemed a little extra. I didn't mind. I learned a lot. Your physicians have mistreated and maybe even possibly abused you. There's one there's in question, sure. But let me tell this story again if you don't mind. And you jump in, Josh, because this pisses me off.

You were an A student. You never missed a day of school. Right? Right. But one time you got detention. I was five minutes late for graduation practice. What was this, Nazi Germany? You were five minutes late for.

For what? Graduation practice. And you got detention for that. Yeah. Despite the fact you probably being one of the better students. And for punishment, you had to paint a building or something? Well, the first thing I had to do was write an apology letter to the principal where I was like, well, shouldn't it be more my class? But no, I had to write an apology letter to the principal.

And then, yeah, I had to repaint the gym. That sucks so bad, dude. But I learned a lot about chalk lines and taping. I mean. Chalk lines. That comes in handy. Exactly. I know you don't want...

For your next career. Yeah. I know you don't want to be a martyr. You don't want any attention on you. You don't want to be treated differently, and that's a credit to your personality. But I get pissed off when I hear these stories. One of the best students in your class was five minutes late. He's got to paint a building.

What are you people insane or something? F off. It seemed like kind of extreme, but... Jesus, I was in detention every friggin' night. And I never had to paint a building. It's funny. A few people are texting in saying they had various forms of community service, and they also found a way to enjoy it and learn new skills. I mean, I had plenty of friends who got minor consumptions and minor possession,

and they would have to go through with community service. So maybe this Gerald Alexander character that works for the Vikings, maybe he'll end up on the side of the highway stabbing trash with the 15-year-olds. I don't know. If he does, I hope he wears a Vikings jersey, so we'll recognize him when we drive by. So, I mean, a lot of them, thinking back, a lot of my buddies, yeah, had to stab trash. But the one that I liked the most that I thought was kind of the most medieval treatment. 16-year-old kid got a minor possession.

And they had to go to Lake Independence, beautiful, by the way, beautiful area. They had to go to Lake Independence like right at dawn on a Saturday morning when it was still kind of cool out, right? and they had to walk up to their neck in the water and then rake the trash back on to the beach. Oh, miserable. All the way around the lake. Walk on in up to your neck and then rake back whatever beer cans and condoms might get caught up

and then bag up the trash. I had to clean a church for like... Was Josh painting the walls in there like that? I had to clean a church? Yeah, uh-huh. Wow, how dirty does a church get? I have no idea. But me and the janitor were homies.

Beer cans, condoms? No, I just did a lot of vacuuming. Yeah. It was like a ridiculous amount of vacuuming. It was for like a week or so every day. Did you give the father, son, Holy Spirit, whenever you know. No, I did feel weird being in there because I mean, you guys know I'm not very religious. Did you get a little hot? Is that the same church parking lot you hooked up in? No, God, no. But yeah, no, me and the janitor, we were homies. He made us like a huge picture, pitcher of lemonade every day. And at the end of it...

Did he call it Jesus juice? No, thank God he wasn't weird like that. I think he was trying to roofie you guys. Okay, I did have that thought at one point. And then I thought, you don't screw it. I don't even care. And so at the end of it, he was like, hey, you know, you're so great at working.

And he knew I was there for community service. And he told me, like, for the future, if I'm applying for jobs to put him down for a reference and he won't tell them it was for community service. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I was like, this was one of the best experiences I've ever had. I don't think I've learned anything. Along those lines, Adam doesn't piss me off anymore, Jesus,

has a friend who got community service in 1987 for prank phone calls. Oh, Jesus, I could have gone to prison for that. That's all we did. He had worked for the city of Painesville pulling weeds in the cracks of sidewalks. He did such a good job. They offered him a job, and he's still there to this day. Wow. Oh, that's hilarious.

Speaking of pulling weeds. It changed his life. That just reminded me. It wasn't technically community service because it wasn't court order or anything, but I had to go pull weeds outside of a movie theater parking lot because my friends and I... Dude, this story. We were walking by a birthday party room.

You know, they had the tables and decorations of the wall and the pignadas, and we saw the pignatas, and what do you do with pignatis? You smash them. So we smashed the hell at all these pignatas and then went and watch Coyote Ugly. Right in front of the kids and everything? No, there are no kids in there. There was an empty party room was empty. Yeah, they were watching a movie.

You ruined the party before they got there. Exactly. And then we went to watch the movie and we didn't think anything of it. Then all of a sudden we see a guy come up with the flashlight and we're like, oh, maybe we shouldn't have smashed all those pinatas. That's when it dawned on. That's how dumb we were. Yeah, they pulled us in the back room. They called our parents and they said if we came back and did manual labor, they won't call the cops on us.

That makes me irrationally angry, that story, because it did before I had a kid. But now that I have a kid and I'm planning it. a birthday party for him, it's so much effort, Dana, so much effort. And if I walked in and somebody crushed my kids' pinatas, there would be community service. You'd be dead. Are you going to have to bring Dana his own pinata for this party just so he doesn't ruin it for bailout? Yeah, he showed.

What if that just becomes my thing as a 41-year-old, I just go around ruining kids' birthday parties. I'll get you a little fast and furious pinares. Thank you. Dealers fan. Jesus said that they had a buddy who had to hand paint fire hydrants. Oh yeah, I remember that one. Yeah, a few of my friends had to paint fire hydrants. Those are hand-painting?

And he said they followed him around, and when he'd walk away from it, they'd push crushed leaves in the wet paint and said, God, we were dicks. They did what? They would follow his buddy around. Who's they? His buddies? Steelers fan Jesus said he had a buddy.

Oh, he would do this to his friend. Right, so they would follow him around, and then they would put the crushed leaves in the wet paint, so we'd have to do it all over. Start all over again. Yeah, a few people are tested in. They had to mowl along. One guy had to sort batteries at the recycling center. Like car batteries, I imagine.

It is kind of funny because they give you options. Or at least that's how it was for me. They were like, hey, so there's like these three things or four things you can do, pick one. Yeah, community service. So this Vikings defensive back coach, a Gerald something or another, got a D-dub.

He's been suspended without pay. Another one of these deals. Four o'clock in the morning. and his vehicle is stopped in the middle of an intersection and the some bitch is out cold. What the hell are you doing? He spit more than twice to legal limit. He feels terrible, this and that.

I'll never get that. Josh said he had audio of Tony Romo's DWI. What happens here? Yeah, so the police released the body cam video. Both... What's that? Is he combative? No, not really.

No, not at all really. He seemed very confused. Yeah, he seemed more confused. There's kind of a funny part at the end of one of these here. So here he is on the side of the road. Where are you coming from? The golf course. And I'm going to meet Grandma and Grandpa.

I'll take a driver's license from you. You got it. How many drinks have you had? Turn around for me. So he says he has zero drinks. It was tough to hear there. He's on his way to his grandma and grandpa's house after the golf event. And then here he is back at the station.

Willing to submit to a PBT? What is that? Machine that you blown? Oh, no. We're not doing that. I've heard heard from all the lawyers. Don't ever do that. Okay.

Did I pass this test? Turn around? No, I didn't. I love him. What did he say? I missed that. I'll play it again. Willing to submit to a PBT? What is that?

Machine that you blown? Oh, no. We're not doing that. I've ever heard from all the lawyers. Don't ever do that. Did I pass this test? Turn around? No, I didn't. Oh, so no.

No, I didn't. That's what we've been told, though, right? Tony Romo. Deny the breathalyzer until they bring you to the state. We have been told by lawyers, yeah, on the side of the road, deny it, and then go back to the station. What I found interesting from the video, Josh, I don't know if you saw this part, but when she initially asked him to get out of the car, he goes, well, I'm going to call my lawyer first. And she refused to let him do that. I thought that was what you're supposed to do.

Call the lawyer? Yeah. I think that's what I'd do. I don't know the rules. I don't know. I think you got to get out if they tell you to get out first. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, he refused to get out of the car until his lawyer showed up? Well, he said I want to call my lawyer before I get out of the car. I've seen that played out in many cop videos. You watch those along this right. That doesn't work, yeah. Your lawyer can kiss the cop's ass. When they tell you to get out of the car, you get out of the car. Gotcha.

Remember the news story we talked about a few weeks back about the guy who pretended to be a lawyer? And he showed up to try and get a friend out of trouble, put on a suit. And the cops are even like, what is happening here? Like, this has never happened where a lawyer shows up in the middle of the night. Shows up. Yeah. In the suit. Jesus. And the lawyer's like trying to quote statutes and stuff and he's got it all wrong.

I should just a lawyer quote unquote. That'd be fun though. That's balsy. So stupid and errant. He had a suit on. Yeah, he put a suit on. Yes, that's right. I am a lawyer.

Obviously, I have a suit on. Now, I can't remember. Did we know this already? Did we know that total wacko Adrian Peterson is going to get tossed into that Viking's Ring of Honor thing? Did we know that already? We did. They just announced the game, which is going to happen.

Oh, they announced the date. They settled on a date November 9th there at the New Metrodome before a Vikes game. going to, okay. I knew there was something there. Solid player. I just don't trust a guy. His behavior worries me. Get him a driver for that weekend. Solid player.

He'll be the 29th member of the Vikings ring of honor. I'm already bracing myself for when they hand him a microphone. Maybe they'll skip it. Maybe they won't give him a mic. I don't know. Vikings offensive tackle Brian O'Neill. He's going to work here in town for a little while longer. It says, they signed him up to a four-year contract extension, Randy Schaver. Yep.

The article says here that O'Neill has been a stalwart on an offensive line that has otherwise kind of sucked for a few years now. That's funny. We've had a lot of moving parts, whether it's injuries or just not very good play. Oh, Cubby and I are big fans of former NFL wide receiver Plastico Burris. We love the guy. We just talked about them a few days ago. I don't remember why, and it doesn't matter.

But this is cute. Plastico. He played one year with the New York Jets, if you remember. He recently went on some friggin podcast. And he said that playing for the New York Jets, as if people haven't already kicked the New York Jets nuts in over the last 20-some years, he said playing for the New York Jets was like

waking up in prison every day, and it also made him feel like a loser. What was worse? Playing for the Jets of prison. So the most of the most of the kids. kind of similar because when I walked in the prison of my first day, I was like, damn, man, you are a loser. And I had the same damn feeling every day I walked to the door with the jazz.

I was like, bang, I hope we can win this weekend. Losing. That's great. When I walked in, I said to myself, man, you are a loser. Oh, man. He talked about the shooting. You know, we accidentally shot himself in the leg at the nightclub. in New York, and he cleared something up.

Out of a 13-year career, I never went out during the week. On this one night, I made a decision to carry my firearm and going to the city and just kind of changed my life at a, I mean, blink of an eye. There was one report that you were wearing sweatpants. I know that sweatpants, look. I didn't see somebody. I didn't have one sweatpants. No.

And I was like, why would a dude carry a handgun with sweatpants? I was not. I was not wearing sweatpants. I was wearing jeans with a belt. I don't know if that makes any better. He's funny. Yeah, he is. Looking at our text machine, man, a lot of our listeners

have had to perform community service. No doubt. A lot. There's a lot of good stories coming in. They're raking yards. They're painting this. They're mowing that. They're pulling garbage out of a lot of them.

That's what you got. You know, back in the day, you'd get those minor consumptions and minor possessions, I was pretty good. I was excellent at evading that. I was very crafty in making my escape from certain situations. Or, of course, we were told, I think my old man was the first one that dumped this information on me and my pals when we were 15 or 16. He said, if the cops show up, just walk out like you've done nothing wrong. Don't run. Yep. A lot of you guys who did community service, I bet you ran. Yeah, I never got a minor. That's very, very, very, surprising. How did the three of us never get minors? It got real close once. I actually

blew into a breathalyzer, but then one of the girls that I was with, who was also drinking and did not blow zeros. She was on like the A honor roll. She was in like all these special classes for smart people and they didn't want to give her a minor. And they knew that if they gave me one, they have to give, you know, the other girls one too. You can't just single one person out. So they felt too bad for her. Didn't want to ruin anything she had going. How did they know she was an honor roll how did they know this about her? Oh sorry it was at school it was like a so it was like the school cop that was breathed las and stuff yeah I was at a football game so they knew who she was yeah so they let us off I was just that damn good

Dana like I said I was that damn good I had a knack for knowing when the party was just too good you know like all right this is about to be at the breaking point where the cops are going to show up I got peed on once though oh that didn't get standing under a deck or something no No. By who? By a guy who was taking a pee. Oh, that makes sense. You were on the ground? No, no, I'll tell you.

So, big frigging 200 kid high school style goat rodeo keg party. And this was one of those deals where the cops come to the door knocking with their night sticks. And we just looked them right in the eye and said, go eff yourself. We're not letting you in. There was something that kicked in in the late 80s. There was something that kicked in, some kind of a law where you had the right to not allow them in your house. Now, I'm not a lawyer by any stretch of the imagination. All I remember is it seemed to me that suddenly we had this card to play, where like a year prior, if the cops came, you had to let them in.

But something happened where now we were able to just say no. And they stayed there. They just stayed at there. There's a cop standing at every window peering in. And we just kept taunting them, drinking in the window. Blow me, you can't come in. That was our thing. Somehow, some way, some idiot allowed them to come in the house.

And they were pissed off. Understandably, we were taunting them for hours. And so they wanted to hand out a ticket to every frigging kid. And they sat everyone down and said, you're not going anywhere until we ticket every one of you pricks. Well, me and three friends kind of eyeball. each other from across the room like we're going to go we're going to run i guess this was the one time that i did run because it appeared like all hope was lost and a couple of my friends had multiple tickets and they were like dude i can't get another one so we all agreed on three we're going to

run like hell and so we did one two three four five of us all popped up ran for this sliding glass door and when i came out the sliding glass door it just so happened one of my classmates was taking a piss, like off the deck. And I ran right through his urine stream and hit me right in the, like right across the chest. So I got pee on me, but I got out of there. You got your freedom, but you also got peeed on. Oh, I would love to see that because you're just, like everyone else is just sitting there accepting their fate.

And all of a sudden you five just pop up and run for it. And we were fast, too, back there. We were good. I had a buddy who, I still haven't credited for this move. He got a minor at one point in college freshman year maybe. And when he would go into parties, he would carry the citation in his pocket. So cops bust a party one by one. Everybody's, you know, blowing, getting tickets.

And then he just kind of walks out and goes, yeah, I already got mine. I'm out of here. And they could just kind of notice that he had the citation and they let him go. Sure. Thought that was quite clever. Oh, no, absolutely. All right. There usually ain't much NBA to talk about at the end of July.

And since the wolves missed out on that jagoff LeBron James, here's what we're left with. Yesterday, the Timberwolves social media team posted pictures of Anthony Edwards' new haircut. People were very intrigued by this. They were what now? Very intrigued by this. Story went national. I don't understand.

Well, I guess I have one more. I have a little bit of information here that might be interesting, but why is everyone so interested in his name? new hairdo? Why did this go national? Because he looks like Michael Jordan. Oh, so that's why? That's why. Yeah, a lot of side-by-sides are saying he looks just like Michael Jordan. Yeah, it's kind of weird, actually. This is up on 9-3.com. Fresh from the altar, we should add, Anthony Edwards, one half of the already legendary bang

bros. He has a new hairdo. It's very basic looking. Okay. So that's why folks say he's got an MJ, a Michael Jordan vibe going on with his new haircut. And some of the side by sides are people that combined the photos of the two. It is pretty striking. I never noticed that before. I never noticed that he looks anything like Michael Jordan. And I'm wondering if some of those side by sides, Josh, were kind of doctored. I was wondering that if there was some AI as well.

I don't think he looks that much like Michael Jordan at all. But anyway, so I was unaware of this. With all that said, I was unaware of this. There are some folks, this have been going on for years, I guess. There are some folks that believe that Anthony Edwards is truly Michael Jordan's son, but Ant and MJ are keeping that secret to themselves. You know, the conspiracy theorists, they'll touch on everything. Yeah.

So Randy Schaber, is there a possibility maybe that? I don't think so, but I can see the, I see the resemblance in the haircuts. Just the haircut? Yeah. I don't think they look alike in the face. I don't think so either. In the face. Nothing wrong if Anthony Edwards can play like Michael Jordan for the rest of his career.

I think we'd all be ecstatic. Well, sure. What are you talking about? And he's on his way. It's hard to believe this is going to be year seven for Anthony for Anthony Edwards. I know. Think about that. This is his seventh season.

Time has flown the F-by. Crazy. So much banging. Adam doesn't piss me off anymore. Jesus, he wants to know if that's where my pee fetish started. Well, you have mentioned before you like water sports. I don't know. It could be.

It could be the source of it. Never thought about it. I'll speak to my psychologist about that. So there you go, Randy Shaver. Oh, man. Links win last night. They're 23 and 6 on the season. Nice.

And they are Roland. Roland like their name was James Brolin. They've won eight straight games. They're going to win the whole smear. I'm even hearing trade deadline rumors about the links these days. I can't imagine they need anything at this point. Why would you tweak a damn thing? Yeah.

Do the poll ads have any say in that? Do you have to read a disclaimer for that? You might need a new disclaimer. Woo! All right, Randy, have a good day. You bet. We'll talk to you. What the hell day is it today, Josh?

Today is Wednesday. We'll talk to Randy tomorrow, which will be Thursday. We'll be back with some more garbage here in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on to Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play.

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Automotive 3rd Avenue and Main Street Welcome back to the half-ass morning show on this magical Wednesday morning We had a conversation about community service by damn A lot of you got pinched as young people and had to go through with the community service Just wanted to roll through a couple more text messages on the topic because it struck me funny Here's a some bitch in our listening audience who got in trouble as a kid for lighting a fire. Had a little touch of pyromania.

We had that problem. His community service for starting this big old fire. He had to clean all the fire engines in town, Josh, by hand. That sounds kind of fun, actually. While the firefighters sat in the lawn chairs drank beer and taunted them. That sounds like a lot of fun on both ends. One of our listeners said I had to spray paint home address numbers on the curbs. I remember kids having to do that.

Where did they have home address? Like suburbs? I don't know. Oh, okay. I haven't seen that. Some of those, I've been to a few neighborhoods where they spray paint the house number. So the pizza man knows where to find you. One of our listeners claims to have the worst community service experience.

He had to change out all the tampon machines in the ladies' bathrooms at his university. She's had a big backpack full of tampons. You had to change out the tampon machines. I like those receptacles. Yeah. I like this one the most, though. I have to admit, when I was 17, my guy community service, says a listener had to work at the local goodwill. I actually heard a few of these stories when going through our text messages on community service punishments.

A few people said they had to go work at the local goodwill. So this one listener says he was a set in there. She, actually, was a set in there. And she asked the alternative-looking guy sitting next to her. She said, what'd you do to get here? And the guy said, I work here. No, no, because this sucks. This is your thing?

My heart would sink. I'd feel so bad. It's going to be a long day after that one. I'm so sorry. Come on, man. That is fun. You know, so also earlier I was, I know Josh doesn't like this kind of attention, but I had to say it again. I feel as if you have been poorly treated throughout your lifetime by your family, by your physicians, by your academic.

What do you call it, Josh? I'm trying to come up with a better word than school. By your school. I don't think that's necessarily true. Well, you had the story where you screwed up once. Once. You were five minutes late for something. A graduation practice.

This is an A student. This is a kid who, honest to God, never missed a day of school. He's five minutes late for something at the ass end of his friggin' high school career. And they made you paint a building or something. You were poorly treated. You were mistreated. You got detention and you had to paint a building, right? And I had to write an apology.

you letter to the principal. Ridiculous. Which was the strangest thing. Ridiculous? Unnecessary. Fitting, I guess. I just read an article this morning that said only 4% of Americans say they often got detention in school. 13% said sometimes.

26% said rarely on and on from there. It doesn't matter. 54% claimed they never were sent to detention. Only 4% say they often found themselves in. I mean, we loved it. We loved it. Sure, I deserved detention in plenty of cases, but also we would go there even when we weren't assigned detention

because the detention hall at my high school somehow became the most fun you'll have all day. Did you have a teacher that just didn't care, didn't want to be there? He was absolutely clueless and one of the biggest goofies. balls. He was not a teacher. He was just some kind of office character. I don't know exactly what his title was. He was not a teacher, but he was goofy, clueless. He was a walk-in comedy show. So, yes, I deserve to be there quite often, but also I would go there when my name wasn't even on the list because it was so effing fun to be there. We just tortured this guy up and down. And then later we got to know him and we really learned to love the guy. But surely, the majority of

of my time spent there. Our goal was to make him snap, and we did. He talked like this. He would say, okay, everybody, settle down. That was his delivery. And the other fun thing about it was when you walked in, you had to sign your name. Okay, to make sure it was on record that

you appeared for your detention. So we would put fake names on the list, and he bought it every time. Okay, everyone settled down. Axel Rose. Is Axel Rose here? you follow where we're going with that? You had to be there, but I miss our high school detention hall because it was a riot.

Box toss and Jesus said detention. It was basically just a networking event for the bad kids. I'm getting a lot of like-minded individuals. That is the perfect way to put it. I loved it. That's how it was when we got sent to ISS, so in-school suspension. That was the best. because you would get sent to a different building.

Like it wasn't anywhere near the school. Oh, really? Yeah, this was in middle school too. I'm not sure what they did in high school. It almost sounds like a reward versus a punishment. It's like a field trip. It was pretty sick. And then for the most part, you're just sitting by yourself.

You have to do schoolwork. But then like during lunch, you get to all gather around with like, and these kids were like from a different school too. Like it was used by multiple schools. So it was sweet. And then you'd get that really awesome lunch with like an uncrustable. I loved it. You sound like you had a nice setup.

In school suspension, I thought, really sucked because we just had to sit there and you couldn't make a sound and you were supposed to be doing school work. It was just so boring. Just a clock would barely move. I thought of in school suspension as a total suckhole because it was just dead silence for six hours. You had a nice setup there. Out of school suspension, of course, was an absolute joke. I can't believe that even exists. It was so dumb.

Maybe the idea is to piss your parents off because they got to take a day off of work or something. Yeah. I don't know what the... No way our folks were staying home for that. I mean, I guess the idea of... Oh, lucky. Well, yeah, my folks both worked. Anyway, I think the idea of out-of-school suspension, Josh, at least in my day, was you're going to miss out on class and you really had no chance to make up whatever you missed.

So the idea was it's going to hurt your grade, as if any of us cared about that, you know. I got really lucky when I got out of school suspension. My mom was not happy, but she was more mad at the teacher because the teacher decided I got in trouble and she decided in the middle of the day to personally drive me back to my house. What? And my mom had no idea. She had no idea that this woman that my mom doesn't know put me in her car and drove her back to my house and then she walked into my house with me. my mom was so pissed at this lady. She's like, what are you doing?

You put my child in your car? I've no idea who you are. You're coming into my house unannounced. So my mom was like, screw that lady, screw everything she thinks. And I just had a week off of school. That's not so bad. It's like, yes, thank you for being an idiot. Vacation Jesus said he and a buddy they got in school suspension the day they were supposed to go to Valley Fair.

Oh, brutal. And the reason they got is because they sprayed a girl with far. spray and she broke out in the hot ies. Who deserved then? Damn. But it flipped around on everybody because it ended up being a rain out at Valley Fair. So they

were back at school. They paid a senior to bring them 50 bucks in Taco Bell and apparently the dean got pissed because they had more fun being stuck at school than the kids who got rained out at Valley Fair. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, one time in school suspension got broken up by a kid I was sitting in there with. He

lit the school on fire. And that broke up in-school suspension. There was a hole in the wall, and he reached his hand in there with a cigarette lighter. Next thing you know, the school was on fire. Well, that's the end of in-school suspension. But that was the only time we got a break. In-school suspension totally sucked. Did you guys ever have before school detention? I don't recall that. Yeah, we had to do that, especially if you played a sport, because if he had to do after school, you'd have to miss practice and whatnot. So, yeah, there was kind of a little bonus for being an athlete. Yeah, it kind of was actually. No, that would hurt because you're waking up earlier for that.

Oh, yeah. We had to get there like five, 30 or six or something like that. I would just sleep, but I imagine they won't let you sleep. Uh-uh. All right. Power Plant Jesus never once gotten detention, mostly out of fear of what his mother would have done if he ever got caught. Yeah, I was more afraid of my dad than anything the school could do to me. My folks didn't really pay attention, so we had a lot of laughs. K-9 handler Jesus said detention. I was basically just the dating app back in the day. Yeah.

All the bad girls were in there. that's for sure. So there you go. All right. How about we go this route now? I don't know what you might be thinking when you listen to this program. But no, we're not perfect. None of us are.

Pretty close, though. Damn close. Nobody's perfect. We human beings is what I mean by that. We have glitches. Somebody came up with a series of glitches. that all humans have that needs fixing. I don't know exactly how that would be done,

but these are a few of the glitches that we all have that could maybe use a tweaking. Things like forgetting why you walked into a room. Things like your brain remembering something embarrassing from 12 years ago at 2 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, let's shut that feature off. Yeah, been there way too many times. Things like, well, now I hope this never goes away.

way because this is great comedy. Sneezing 10, 15, 20, 25 times in a row. Don't take that away, please. Yeah, there's somebody in my life. That's too much fun for the rest of us. Who does that too? But honestly, like, it's funny to a certain extent, and then I'm like, you can stop now.

I've only known my grandma was the only one I've ever known to do that. Are you, Nick, you're not a multiple sneezer. I'm not a multi, you're just a very loud, aggressive one-and-time sneezer. Almost 99 days out of 100. Yeah, it's just going to be one at a time. That's so weird to me. They're huge, they're loud. I almost blow my teeth right out of my skull.

But yeah, I'm a one and done sneezing. My grandma was like a machine gun. And my uncle would count them and then she'd try and swear at him in between. That was pretty good comment. I can totally understand why it made this list of glitches because if you are a 10, 15, 20, 25 times in a row of sneezer, you want that element out of your life. But for the rest of us, please don't take it away because it's a riot.

Hickups also. My wife gets those. all the time. Hickups for no reason. Do you guys have anybody in your life who gets like irrationally really angry about the hiccups? Because I do. No. I live with him. And it's weird. He gets mad about hiccups? I just like, I don't want to be anywhere near him when he gets the hiccups. I mean, it can't aggravate you after a while. I can't even imagine being one of these

sorry some bitches who has the hiccups for eight years or whatever. I only get them if I eat something way too hot for me. Spicy, hot. All right, we're discussing the glitches that we We mortals have to deal with. Some of us, not all of us. Well, maybe, I mean, yeah, a great majority of us will deal with this kind of a thing at one point or another in our lives. I like biting the inside of your cheek while eating. It's very frustrating.

Oh, yeah. Your stomach growling in a silent room. We have a lot of guttural noises on this radio show. That's true. Stomachs, throats, things like that. We hear a lot of it here on the program. I get really embarrassed when we're in here in the morning and we don't have any of the mics on and my stomach makes a noise. I don't know why.

I'm really self-conscious. I guess I haven't noticed. Yeah. I'm like waiting for Nick to be like, what was that? Oh, every once in a while I do hear your tummy, but more than anything, it's the guttural throat and mouth noises around here. Yeah. This is certainly a glitch and one of the ultimate evils, and then we'll take a break. We'll get back to this, but we need to take a break.

Here's one of the ultimate evils, and that is waking up five minutes before your alarm goes off. There's no more aggravating, desperate feeling than... It's happening to me, Josh, it's happening to me more often now that I haven't been drinking beer. I've noticed you've been coming in earlier. I'm waking up, I'm waking up before my alarm even goes off and it's got to stop. So I've got to get back on the Steve Wiser's. You like waking up? Yeah, because then my alarm's not going to wake up my wife.

And I don't know, it just makes it. You're so considerate. It makes me sick sometimes. I didn't mean to be disgusting. I get so pissed off about that. But I can understand, I suppose, if you wake up a few minutes before your alarm, then you don't have to suffer through the alarm. Yeah, the alarm sucks.

You're right about that. The half-ass morning show. 93X. Oh, I can guarantee you one thing, and that is we're going to steamroll our way out of this building. Very shortly. But before all that, the human body is a wonderful, mystical thing. And we've got some of it fingered out. People like yesterday's guest, Dr. P. Jesus.

He could tell you this and that, the ups and downs of the human. body, but there are glitches. We all fall victim to these glitches. Is there a way to correct them? Probably not. Prayer, perhaps? Good start. You could get down on your damn knees and pray, I suppose. In a lot of cases, there ain't a damn thing we can do about it. They just happen.

Here are some more glitches with the human body that a lot of us have to try and manage. We started off with things like forgetting why you walked into a room, your brain remembering something embarrassing from 12 years ago at 2 o'clock in the morning for Christ's sake. you're still tortured by some dumb, embarrassing moment. You can't stop thinking about sneezing over and over again, hiccuping over and over again. Biting the inside of your yap when you're trying to have a meal.

Your stomach growling or neck noises in a silent room. Everyone looks at you like you're some kind of an animal. Waking up five minutes before your alarm goes off. Yeah, that totally blows. Here's some more. Losing your train of thought mid-sentence. That's the worst. I mean, that is just so terrible.

Yeah, I don't have that problem as often. as, and I'm sure you've noticed, I'm unable to come up with the word that I'm looking for. If I start a thought or start a sentence, I usually can find my way to the bitter end, but it's when that frigging word, I just can't find this some bitch. Listeners have texted in with their ideas on glitches of our otherwise perfect and gorgeous human anatomy or human setup altogether. Someone texted in about walking farts. What? My dog gets those.

The walking fart. What is that? The beef lock. When you're walking across the room and it burp, burp, burp, every step you take, the walking fart, nothing. My dog is one of those going up and down stairs. It's a sight to see. It's funny when the dogs do it, yeah. Random eye twitches, Charlie horses.

Cramps? Is that what a Charlie horse is? Right, a cramp? Yeah. Eat your bananas. brain freeze or is that the ice cream thing yeah i've never gotten that i just get the throat freeze you haven't had a brain freeze oh that's terrible like behind your eyes yeah yeah no never it's just like when your when your throat gets that cold and it feels like the only thing i can do is just scream

random eyelashes or hairs in the eyes oh that makes me violent it's like a doll's eyes very lifeless eyes Stupid eyelashes. Sometimes I just want to cut them off. Glitches. How come as soon as we get home, we got to take a pee? What's this one say? Oh, your body deciding it is itches somewhere is the second you have your hands full.

Oh, my God, yeah. I had an itch the other day. I swear to God, I about pulled my right arm out of the socket trying to reach middle of my back kind of a thing. At my age, I'll end up in the hospital from that. But I had an itch in the middle of my back, and I had to get it. So I put myself in this terrible...

Speaking of that, weird question, quick. Is there a spot of your guys' back that you can't reach? Yeah, definitely. That's what I thought. And I've asked a couple of years down. There's numerous spots on my back that I can't reach. What do you talk about? Yeah, I've talked to a couple people, and, like, they don't have...

Like, they're flexible enough where they can get that, like, middle of the middle the back and between the shoulder blade spot. I would trust him. Was this a family of circus performers or something? That's what I mean. I was like, what is going on? Was this a jellyfish? The University of Minnesota gymnastics team?

Yeah, I know. Of course, there's all kinds of spots I can't read. I don't feel crazy now. Thank you. No, no, no, no. You're normal is what you are. What other glitches can we cover? Oh, yawning because someone else yawned.

It's contagious. Oh, yeah, that'll get me. crying when cutting onions random songs getting stuck in your head for days Oh that always happens to me And it's usually Christmas carols My wife, I think it drives her insane Same here, mine's jingle bells

Oh, it's always some Christmas song I have had one singular song Stuck in my head since 1984 I'm not making this up Just about any time I'm sitting in the quiet,

same song comes into my head. Heaven's on fire by Kiss. Oh, I like that one. Don't know why, but I have had that song in my head at the ready. Like I described, downtime, silence, like maybe trying to fall asleep, something like that. Heaven's on fire by Kiss is there,

and it's been there since I was a seventh grade kid. Oh, you know, the new banger? For me, this is always in my head. You guys know this, I think. Don't list call Chris. That song, his theme song, Chris Lindahl's theme song Oh yeah All the time I have a really stupid one

Like the past like month It's like hot dogs and bologna Chicken and macaroni I don't know that one But that sounds delicious I just sing it constantly Uh glitches In the human setup

Okay it says here The fact that stress Can cause physical symptoms Can anyone give me an example Because I Like maybe a messed up tummy? I stop eating. Does that count? I guess if I go through something, it's very stressful, I do

as well. I suppose I'll lose weight kind of quick. Yep. I suppose some people, yes, stress can cause stomach issues, you sweat, maybe you break out in pimples. Oh, okay, yeah. I guess the only thing I can think of is like tummy issues, but I'm sure there's more. A lot of folks texted in about the NRB and unannounced code browns. Oh. The little glitches, Cubby. We'll get through it.

Gray hair, someone said. You can get stressed out from gray. You get gray hair from stress. I always thought that was maybe like an old wife's tale. I refused to believe it. Yeah, me too, but I don't know. I've heard the jokes over the years, but I've never considered whether it was legitimate or not.

Like fear can make somebody's hair go white. If that was the case, I would have so much gray hair. From stress? Yeah. Feel my heat taking you higher. Burn with me. Heaven's on fire. Paint the sky with desire angel fly heavens on fire.

I'm not making it up. Ever since that song came out, it's at the ready in my brain. And I feel like maybe Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons owe me something for that. I don't know. Not that it's the worst song in the world. It's not.

It's a decent kiss song. But I have not been able to shake it. And maybe that means I'm out of my mind. I'm not sure. No, no. I think that's kind of normal. Does anyone else have the same song at the ready at all times? In their friggin' brain?

No, not really. There's one that's definitely been since childhood, but like right now it's not in my brain. So I don't want to think about it too hard or else it's going to be a problem. Well, now I want to know. No, I don't want to think about it. Think about it. Get out of my head. Nope.

I'm in your head. When did it start? Sing it. When I was younger. Ah, I think I know what it is. No, I don't. I can't. I can't think about it.

I'm going to sing it. What? I don't want to wait. That's your favorite song. That's the song that's in your head all times. Oh, no. Maybe that's in second place. Nothing can get in the way of heaven's on fire.

Is it, darn it, I thought of it. No, I'm mad. Is it hub thumping by Chumba Wamba? I believe in sunshine on a cloudy day. And I don't even know the right lyrics. The next one I say, I believe in sunshine in every way. And I don't think that's the song. Do you believe in magic?

I think so. That's the song of John. Yeah, so I sing that. That's a happy song. Who was that, Josh? Do you believe in magic? Oh, geez. I'm going to look that up.

Yeah. Ba-pah-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba in this and that. Oh, yeah, the love and spoonful. Dude. Yeah. I think they're going to be at the fair this summer. Oh, now I'm screwed for at least a week or two. You've got to go, Ashley.

You've got to go check a lot. Feel my heat, taking you higher burn with me. Heaven's on fire. Paint the sky with his eye. We used to play that, the old X-105 and early 93X all the time. Like when I'd work an overnight shift on the weekend. It was pretty much guaranteed we'd play it. There's worse.

Yeah, I don't mind that at all. All right, we got to go. Man, bear pig Jesus, text a shout out to the Stouties on their 20th anniversary. Congratulations to I Build Stuff, Jesus, and his smoking hot wife, milf to be Jesus, being induced tonight with their first boy, Ashley. You had one of those. Congratulations to Tristan, now three years off the sauce. That's awesome. SLP Jesus says, happy birthday, bitch, quote unquote, to Josh at North St. Paul Public Works.

Happy birthday to Jare from your pal gasman, Jesus. Happy 27th to Intermediate Jesus. Happy birthday to a wonderful kitty in the kiddie. Daisy turning the big O-O-4 today. She's listening at home. You know what, Cubby, I miss my kitty. You do? Yeah.

I'm sorry to hear that. Keity died. I know. I miss my kitty. Well, I missed that kitty too. I was thinking of a different kitty. I was thinking of Gabriel. Yeah.

I miss my. Both my kitties. I miss them. I could see why. They're a good companion. Yeah. Happy 49th to over-the-road trucker, faith, believe in Jesus. and wishing a speedy recover to Piper after your urgery.

Piper at urgery, you know. Enjoy them popsicles, dad said P-Man. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about.

And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.