93X Half-Assed Morning Show - High Stakes Monkey Poker

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

Originally Aired June 15, 2026: Doctor P answers medical questions. Having sex in the back of a cop car . Everything you wanna know about getting Bum Bum Cream on your face. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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And hey, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. Right, it ain't no thing. It's just a Monday show. We've tangled with quite a few of these over the years. Haven't we, Cubby? One or two, you're right.

A Monday program. How many career Mondays are we up to now, Covey? Do you have any idea? I couldn't even guess. What are the career numbers? I'm not going to say six, seven. Don't say six, seven. Don't say six seven. I don't know. Hundreds?

Yeah. Hundreds? Hundreds. It doesn't matter. Thousands? Thousands. Definitely thousands. It's got to be thousands. Hundreds of thousands?

A hundred thousand. A hundred thousand thousand Mondays. I suppose now we should look at this as a special event. Today is officially our 100,000,000th Monday morning broadcast. Wow. Part of history. Congratulations. Wasn't there like close to that as far as Mosh Pit goes or was that a thousand thousand Mosh Pits?

That was only a thousand thousand Mosh Pits, created by Pantara many years ago at a rock concert that Josh and I attended together hand in hand. One of the most profound things I've ever heard said into a live microphone was when Philip Anselmo of Bantaara asked the crowd if maybe they'd like to create a mosh pit at one point or another. Right? Two, three songs into the set, he said. Remember how Phil used to talk to with, he kind of had that, he kind of had that, what's that movie again? He had that Silence of the Lambs type delivery. Oh, yeah, she a great big fat person. He kind of sounded like butt job Bob.

What was the name of that character from Silence of Bill? Buffalo Bill. He kind of sounded like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Oh, yeah. You guys having a good time tonight? I think that's a pretty good imitation of Philip Anselm. If I remember right, we were both having a very good time that. We were hanging out with your buddy Marcel.

He's the best. How could we not be having a good time? So Phil asked for some mosh pits And the crowd said Hell yeah we can put together a mosh pit or two Go ahead with the next song So they went into the next song And maybe there was a one, maybe two mosh pits were created

And they played a couple more songs And Phil said I don't know, maybe you weren't listening to me out there I'm looking for like a thousand thousand mosh pits And Josh and I looked at each other and said That's a number I wasn't aware of We can't do that. We need a bigger venue

Much bigger venue if you're a thousand thousand mosh pits if you're going to crib, but you folks know that story already. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. It was great. Thank you. You were telling me earlier off air that you enjoyed your time on Saturday, standing in a Menard's parking lot selling animal carcass out the back of a truck. Yeah, thanks to everybody that came out. Oh, yeah, everybody that came out.

Met several members of the brother and sisterhood. There was a girl, I want to say maybe. You like girls. Well, slow down on this one. maybe 15 years old, who brought out Nick a thrasher magazine. Oh. I hadn't seen a thrasher magazine since maybe high school. If you're not familiar, it's a skateboarding magazine.

Sure. And so she was, I guess, into boarding and she showed it to me and thinking I might like it. And she was right. I had looked at one of those forever. We're talking about a current thrasher or she brought you one from 1982. Like it looked more current. Wow. I didn't look exactly when it, but it wasn't from the 80s.

It had been a while since you. Oh, yeah. I mean, during the 80s, every friend group had their brief love affair with skateboarding. My friend group was no different. I think it was... We were big into it. The summer of 85 was that time period, where if you didn't have a skateboard, you would just get your ass kicked. But that was about as long as it lasted.

It lasted one summer. And so we would page through Thrasher magazine to see about buying a net. new deck or maybe some trucks or maybe some rails. Things like, that's pretty cool. Did you guys build ramps? We got in, well, we did that more for BMXing, I guess. No, we didn't build Dick. There was one dude that lived in my neighborhood, though.

His dad was a carpenter and built a beautiful skateboard ramp right there in the neighborhood. So if we wanted to do that kind of thing, we could just. We built one. It was eight, ten doors down from my folks place. there was a skateboard ramp. We built one, kind of the same thing. My friend's dad could make anything. And he made us a bunch.

He made us a half pipe, a couple of quarter pipes. Like a table we could put in the middle of a couple of quarter pipes to jump on. We had like a whole skate park, basically. Gyrating. It was awesome. It was a lot of fun. That's what we learned. We learned how to gyrate on that half pipe, right?

You go this way, and you come back the other way. Saw a kid scalp himself on one of those, which was pretty disgusting. But it was kind of cool at the same time. though. It was not. No, really? Oh, is that bad? Couldn't even find any joy in it? Pretty sick. You had to learn to drop in, didn't you, Josh? Yeah. That's about all I could do, actually.

How did the kid scalp himself? Well, that aforementioned table, we kept moving a quarter pipe further and further and further away to see how much distance we could get to jump from the quarter pipe onto the table. This is when we were, this is BMX. Oh, oh, bicycles. Okay. And he was the best of all of us, by far. He could do anything. And he also had no fear.

He was scared of nothing, which got him in a lot of trouble. And he kept going back further and further and further. Eventually, he caught his front wheel on that table. Went straight down and his head hit the edge. Skelped himself. Sick. You're telling me you got no joy out of that whatsoever? On what?

Ashley was asking you. That's how you know. It's pretty bad. Oh, the scalping? Yeah. No, not at all. That was terrible. Oh.

I would have looked at that a little different. terribly hilarious. Now we're talking. I knew there was something there. No, it sucked. Yeah, I bet. What am I saying? But the bastard still has hair.

Maybe I should have scalped myself and the hair would have stuck around. Worth a shot. A gal brought you a thrasher magazine to your appearance at Menards. Yeah, she showed me that. It was cool. It was a lot of fun. Lots of people, you say. Yeah, and I'll tell you what.

People loved that meat deal that was going on out there. Huge line. The whole time we were there. That's a good deal. Yeah. It definitely is. It's a good deal, she says. 20 rebis for $40.

That's right. I'd love to do that again. That was a lot of fun. So thanks for everyone that came out. I wanted to say, where was the tax here? Shoot, I wanted to get a tax date. It came in too quick. But I guess I'll just leave it at that.

Really appreciate it. And I hope we do some more of those. I'm going to be somewhere next weekend. I'm not sure where or when yet, but I will be somewhere. I will keep you post sticks. You're going to do it? Yep. You will be somewhere.

in the near future with the same meat selling group? Yes, I believe it'll be on the 20th, so keep your ears open for that information. Does that sound like Saturday? Well, yeah, it could be. Yes. Could be. 20th, Saturday. It depends on the year.

But if it's this year, that sounds right. I think it's this year. I wanted to mention to No Hawk Welder Jesus and his crazy hot wife, where did you guys go? They came out. I wanted to say hello, we talked for a couple of minutes. I thought they were going one way. I went and looked for them and they disappeared. That was where they were kidnapped.

I see he's texting in this morning, so they're okay. Where'd you guys go? That's the kidnapper texting you. They Irish accidentally you. Keeping up appearances. They took the phone? Yep. Well, don't you think maybe they ducked into Menards and got wrapped in,

they got involved in the mayhem indoors? It's easy to do that. I know I did. Medical device Jesus has texted into the program. He's a longtime listener, texts in quite often. We got to talking about the skateboarding craze of the 80s. he's around our age, I think, Josh. I think he's younger.

I thought he was quite a bit younger. I thought he was maybe Dana's age. I guess I'm not sure. All right, I guess he looks to be around. It doesn't matter. But he says this. He and his friend group growing up, I believe he grew up out there in Michigan,

he and his friend group had a rivalry with the skaters in their neighborhood. I don't know what it was, medical device Jesus. I don't know what it was that he and his friends were in. involved in, but they did not get along with the skaters. They called them curb squirrels. I've never heard that. But you know what they did? They went on back in the woods where the skaters kept their ramps, their half pipes and this and that. They went on back to the woods, found the skaters ramps, lit them on fire.

Boy, they did have a rival. Man, everybody remembers their first arson. He said it was awesome. I bet it was. What were you doing? What was your activity? Why did you have this rivalry with the skateboarders? I'd like to know more information.

And you seem to always be there medical device, Jesus, so I know you can answer this question. What was going on there? What was your group all about? And why was there this static with the skateboarders? We had our fish house burned down. You know that story. There was a group of dudes that didn't like us.

And we got a fish house going out on the lake. in Wizzetta. That's where we'd like to spend our time. Quite a bit. 10th grade and 11th grade, I don't think we did a hell of a lot of fishing, but 10th and 12th grade, we certainly were big into going out ice fishing.

And there was a group of guys that didn't like us. They burned our fish house down. I'll never forget, loading up, you know, rods and reels and stopping by the bait shop and got the auger and everything. We're heading out to do some fishing. We rounded that corner, and there was this glow coming from the lake,

but we couldn't quite see exactly what it was. You know, there was just this glow in the tree line and we rounded the corner. There was our fish house completely engulfed in flames. That'd be so pissed. So pissed. Well, we were pissed. Matter of fact, I punched a kid in the mouth for that.

Yeah. In the hallway, I got in trouble for that. Because I knew he was the one who set it on fire. So I punched him in his mouth. Here's the thing, Ashley. Yes, we were furious in that moment. stayed mad for quite a while. But looking back now, we had it coming.

We were terrible people. We were a terrible group of... Darned. We were. We had it coming. All right, so I'm waiting for that response from medical device, Jesus. Why was there this rivalry with the skateboarders?

And you burn their ramps down. Oh, yeah. You were saying, Ashley, no-hawk welder, Jesus. I was wondering what happened to he and his wife. I thought they were kidnapped. I was pleased to see a text thinking, Okay, everything's okay. You suggested maybe the kidnappers actually have used their phone and they're posing as them.

Yep. Well, you're going to feel like a fool because he got back and said, this is totally not the kidnappers. Kidnappers would never say that. They would never say that. You're right. You feel stupid right now. I'm so dumb. All right, I already have an answer from medical device, Jesus.

He says, our group was into hatred of groups that were not our group. I get it, yeah. It's as simple as that. He says, that was our hobby to not get along with other groups. We were angry, stupid young men. I like that they spread the hatred out. They didn't just single in on one group. They hated any other group.

Yeah, I love that. That wasn't their immediate group. I like that that's no longer a thing anymore. That hatred of somebody who's not aligned with your views 100%. And how old are you, medical device, Jesus? I assumed you're around the same age as. Josh and myself, but tell us, how old are you? Okay, yeah, I'm glad. I'm glad also, Josh, that we've evolved.

We don't really have that kind of thing happening in the United States anymore where groups will hate each other just because they're not the same. If you're different from me, great. I'm glad that is come and gone. The word is harmonious. Today, Dr. P. Jesus is going to stop by. We've been told there are more spots available. Available.

We have been told there are more spots available for our Independence Day boat cruise partner swap. Coming up on July 10th on the St. Croix, we have more spots available. Josh made an announcement last week. You said that we've sold one boat out. You're going to need a bigger boat. We needed to go ahead and try to get our hands on a bigger boat. We did. And now after only the weekend, we're close to selling out that bigger boat.

Yeah, our Promotions Department thought that it might sell out by tomorrow. We're in the like tens of tickets left. So if you'd like to go, your best bet would be to buy them today. Yeah, like you said, they doubled the boat. With these new ticket sales, they said, well, maybe we could get a bigger boat. And the boat people said, no, what do you want? You got a big boat. So this will be it.

This is as big as it gets? Yeah, we can't get a bigger boat. We can't get a bigger boat. No. This is as big as it gets. No. All right. So go ahead to our website. It's $25 to get your ass in, get your ass on, I guess, more literally on our Independence Day booze cruise boat. July 10th, that's a Friday, 7 to 10 p.m. on the St. Croix River, thanks to the folks at Stillwater River. What happened?

I don't know. Was that you? Yeah, I thought my mic was off. You had my problem. What was that? Did you sneeze? He sniffled. A sniffle. Oh.

You make a lot of dad noises. I really do. Your microphone. I've had this lingering cold for like two weeks now. What was I saying? Stillwater Riverboats, thanks to those people. And the sponsor, 10K construction. Drinking, carrying on.

We'll have something or another there for you to eat. It'll be wonderful. 25 bucks. DJ Chris. Chicky, chickie, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky chicky chicky, Chris. I wonder if he'll take requests. You know, sometimes they're artists.

Yeah, he does. I've asked him before. I think, and he's played some music. I would like to give him a full-on song list. Like it's your wedding? Yes. I want to maybe try to control his every move. That's my goal.

He'd probably let you. Seems like a nice guy. Let's try to control every single thing he says and does. Yeah, a couple times I've talked to him. He's been really nice. Medical device Jesus is 42 years old. I thought he was older. About a year older than Dana.

Dana, your birthday's coming up for, what, a couple weeks? Yeah, before. 41 in about two weeks. Oh. Are you doing anything crazy? No, absolutely not. Josh, you were a BMX kid. We covered this earlier.

You were doing tricks on your BMX bike when you were young on half pipes and ramps and things like that. Oh, hell last week we talked about your BMX excursion from Minneapolis to Ely. That story still blows my mind. You know, people text in and said that was nothing. They were talking about some of the bike trips they took. And, I mean, people were going multiple states. I don't know how you can do something like that. Well, they probably did on mountain bikes, not a BMX bike.

I guess they didn't see. Yeah, yeah, that's ridiculous. If you went on a long-distance trip on a mountain bike or, what do you call those things, just a regular 10-speed bicycle like the Tour de France type people, that's totally different. These idiots went 250 miles on frigging BMX bikes that are meant to be on dirt tracks for short bursts. No wonder you. No. Go ahead.

I was going to say, no wonder you have such nice calves. I think that that one calf workout just made you have great calves for life. Dude, yeah, that's so true, Dana. So poop foot Jesus is how you say it. He texted in and said the BMX guys in his neighborhood were always douchebags and they took up too much room. There's too many of them? Too many of them. He didn't like that friend group.

He didn't like the BMX group. The reason that the bike topic came up last week was because, I was worried I had to do some biking on Friday. And I thought, boy, I haven't been on a bike in a while outside of a very, very short ride a couple years ago. And I was wondering how I could do it. You know, I did a super long bike trip once. And I thought, I bet I'm in some serious trouble now. I had to bike maybe seven miles on Friday.

And I thought I was going to die. It was the most humbling experience of my, if not my entire life, pretty close. Like, Ashley, there was a very slight incline at one point. I had to walk my bike up because I was on mile four. I thought it was going to have a heart attack. That doesn't, I'm surprised, honestly, but I guess if it's very hilly, then that would be a lot more difficult. That's not even a warm-up for regular bicyclists.

I thought you'd do a little bit better because you're like, I don't know, you're somewhat active. You make sure you get your steps in. Regular bicycles are for suckers. I have, well, there was quite a few e-bikes out there, And there was one lady I almost thought of writing a check to if I could just hold on to her handlebars and she could drag me the rest of the way. I'm sorry you had to go ahead with that. I can't imagine. It was embarrassing.

I can't imagine how horrible it would be if you today put me on a regular bicycle and asked me to go somewhere on it. I'm so used to my Harley Davidson electric bicycle hitting that throttle whenever you've got even the slightest obstacle. That sounds nice. That sounds miserable, Josh. She had to pedal. Like you actually, the sprocket and the pedals actually offered resistance. I haven't felt that in years. And I don't have a lot of experience.

This is my, only the second, like, bike with gears I've ever had because I always had BMX bikes, even until I was in my 20s. And it took me a while to remember how to use them. Like, that's the wrong way. Wait, this is way too easy. Dude. My goodness, this is difficult. I went 10 miles Saturday.

On your e-bike? I'm my electric bicycle. Do you do any pedaling at all? Well, you have to pedal in order to engage the pedal assist, I think is what it's called, where the motor propels you. Like when you got your pushmower, I know you're the only sucker in town who still uses a pushmower. Well, it's a walk behind. Right, that's what I mean.

That's what I mean. You squeeze the lever and it propels itself, right, Josh? Yep. Same concept with my Harley Davidson. As long as I am pedaling, that pedal assist will propel me. So I put it in the lowest gear, and there's no resistance whatsoever. All I have to do is just kind of slightly move my legs.

So it's such a breeze. It's such a friggin' breeze. But I know what you mean. If I ever have even attempted to shift the gears, I have no idea what I'm doing. No idea. And you're kind of punching until I find that lowest setting. I appreciate folks trying to make me feel better by saying how windy it was on Friday. It was.

Yeah. I had a buddy. I talked to him. He's a bicyclist. He's like, oh, it's completely different muscles. Don't feel bad. Well, I think I should be able to bike seven miles without feeling like I was going to die. I felt that for like a day and a half.

It was so stupid. But you made her. Yeah. Thank God for vehicles. Thank you, God. Now you don't have to ride that bicycle again for years. Hopefully not. It's torture.

All right, what else is going on? I mentioned Dr. P. Well, I got an interesting text right when we walked in the building. Got a text here from hardcore, hardcore flooring Jesus. I recognize that Jesus' name. Did I forget something from Friday? This cracked me up. This is what he texted at about 4.30 this morning.

Hopefully today Nick is off his period. What? That's a nice way to start the day. Hopefully today Nick is off his period and it's a better show because Friday sucked. I'm sorry. I thought Friday was a lot of fun. I've listened to you guys for 25 plus years and I listen every day and Friday was my birthday and I shut you guys off for the first time ever.

Everyone has a bad day but you still have a job to do. Wow. That's hardcore flooring Jesus. Darn, we did that on his birthday? Did I have some kind of a meltdown last Friday? that I don't remember? I don't think so. I mean, he's particularly angry with me

in my performance from last Friday. Josh, he claimed that I may have been, quote, on my period. I thought you were, I'm assuming, you know, when people say that, they are usually saying you are acting out in a bad mood. And I don't remember you feeling that way. I don't know a lot about men's bodies, but I don't think you have periods.

So, yeah, I guess I don't know exactly what he's talking about. I can't be sure on that. I can't be sure on that period. thing either, but he had to shut us off for the first time ever. And then he teaches us this little life lesson. Everyone has a bad day, but you still have a job to do. Thanks, Dad. But am I forgetting something? Well, you said he came in and he said it felt like you were high, remember? Oh, sure. And then we talked about seven dust a lot. Yeah. And then we talked a lot of what Huey Lewis. You know, we did kind of go kind of skewed a little bit different direction. I thought it was a lot of fun,

though. Yeah, nobody was in a bad mood. We did have a little bit of a different approach. Roach, Dana, you're correct. That's a deal, but I also had a good time. Well, we've established today we've had thousands of Mondays. There's been thousands of Fridays. I promised you we put in an effort every single day, whether it sucks or not. It never intended to suck, but I'm very sorry that person felt that way. Oh, I don't give a rat's ass if he feels that way.

I don't want anybody to have a bad experience. I don't care. It's kind of a mean way to start the morning. Well, just for the record, here's what hardcore flooring Jesus might not know. Not that this was intentional to anger him on Friday. not at all. We all are sitting around thinking, you know, we thought it was a pretty good show. Hell, it was a Friday.

How bad could we, how bad of a mood could we have been in? But here's something you didn't know, hardcore flooring Jesus. And maybe this is obvious. I sincerely love the idea that I caused someone to change the channel. That is hardcore flooring Jesus. I'm sorry, you meant to teach me a lesson today, it sounds like. But that is exactly what motivates me to show up every day. The thought that I might make someone change the channel and maybe forever.

I love that threat too. Oh, I'm switching to K-FAN. Oh, okay. I would too. Enjoy it. I'd love to hear back from this guy. I wasn't here. I'd love to hear back from this guy.

What was it? What was it that happened? We're missing where you're going with that. Oh, this is great. Medical device, Jesus. Just texted in and said, hey, my friend group's going to pay this guy a visit. You want to start trouble with medical device Jesus And his hardcore Michigan anti-BMx crew

I don't think you want to start trouble with those boys They burned it down Some people are suggesting maybe hardcore flooring Jesus Was in a bad mood on Friday Maybe he had his period Yeah, I could be it Probably Well we'll just have to start setting the bar lower

So he'll never be disappointed What's that line? What is that? The Departed I'll take a cranberry juice What are you on your period? Anybody? The Departed, great scene. I enjoyed that movie here. The bar. Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio.

Some other big guy, a big greasy guy with gray hair. I'm going to mark June 12th down on our calendar, and I say every year we put on the worst show possible, just to ruin his birthday. I love that idea. Should we call it Hardcore Flooring Jesus Day? Yeah. Yeah. Write that down. From now on June 12th, there's hardcore flooring Jesus Day, and we're going to sabotage this bitch.

Oh, I can't wait until next year. Just so every birthday he walks away going, well, that was a nightmare. Ah. I'm not remembering, you know, I thought we were. What are you going to do, Cubby? Yeah, well, after a thousand. I can look back and tell you exactly what we talked about. Oh, I don't care enough for that.

No, no, no, no. Like I said, it's kind of my goal. He kind of played into my hands with that one. Well, usually if you're a dude. douchebag. I'll write. Nick being douchy. Oh, yeah. You will make note of that if I'm being a doucheb? No, I'm kidding. No, no, no. Oh, I'd love to see the rundown. No, I would never do that.

Is it fair to say since your mission was accomplished that corporate radio rules and won again? Yes. I got a headache today. I got to admit, Josh. And every time you're making me laugh over here, it kind of hurts more. That line you had right there about corporate radio, I wanted to laugh really hard, but I have a headache. That is, yes, again, Josh. Hardcore, not hardcore. That's the dude, hardcore flooring. Corporate radio, one again.

Corporate radio rules. Do I have to tell that story again? It is one of my favorites. Should we wait until we do the stupid news? Yeah, yeah. Are we running late? Well, I mean, a little bit. Time's a false concept, Josh. You're right. How? Time is deep. It's from the folks at big time. They want you to think that time's real.

They want you to believe time is real. It's really just a flat circle. Well, time is of the essence. And we mentioned this earlier. If you're just tuning in, there are like tens of tickets left for our booze crews. We can't get a bigger boat again. So if you want to go, today's probably the best day to buy them because our promotions department believes that tomorrow they will be sold out. Who knows?

Maybe not. But if you for sure want to go, go to 93x.com and you can find some of them. What a transition there, by the way, Josh? a pro move. You can tell you you've done thousands and thousands of Monday shows before. I just wanted to make sure folks get on if they want to go. Oh, yes, shotgun Messiah Jesus. This is a period headache that I have right now. It's a period headache. The boat, huh? All right, there you go. We'll take a break. I do love that corporate radio

rules story. So in case he's haven't heard it, maybe I'll tell that when we start up the stupid news, which will be next on the half-ass morning show. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play.

If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealky, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bealkylaw.com. B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-I-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-A-L-L-E-L-E-L-A-L-E-L-L-U. This isn't your average podcast. You like party? This is Full Send. Join the party.

So you guys launched the N-K-K-Love Island. Congrats, boys. Who's that? Production, dude. Like, five years ago, we could do that easily. And it'd be crazy when we're partying, but when you're, like, in your 30s a little bit. Well, that's why you barely show up to set, day two? Just a few hours, tardy.

Steinie wanted to be the host in the show, too. It's like, why didn't you let me be the host? It's like, bro, you showed up six hours a day. I had a girlfriend. The Full Send podcast, follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Yeah, I'll tell you right now. You're a terrific crowd.

We're about ready to bang out that stupid news. I mentioned earlier, Covey. I got a little bit of a headache. Sorry, bro. That's the worst. You want to know the sad truth? I think I know the cause of it. I think yesterday I was wearing a hat.

that was too tight. Oh, that'll do it. That'll definitely do it. Isn't that stupid? I'm sorry. That happens to me if I wear like my ponytail too tight. Yeah. I think yesterday I was walking around town with a hat on.

That was a little too tight. I wake up with a friggin' head. And I got this big oversized skull. I did get a text message here a minute ago from Mexican rice runner Jesus. And he said, hey, bro, I understand you have a headache. But remember, you still have a job to do. Thank you for the remote. Minder, yes.

You forget. Thank you, Captain Work Ethic for that life lesson. So earlier, Josh, if you were listening to the show from the get-go, you understand why Mexican Rice Runner sent me that message. I am mad at the guy. That's very funny. Josh earlier made a mention. He hinted at one of my favorite memories of working in this miserable business

for as long as we have. The corporate radio rules story. This was creeping up on 30 years ago. The dude I was working with, oh, more than 30 years ago because Josh and I weren't yet working together every day. I think you were working in the building at the time, but we were not on the same program. The guy I was working with was kind of a jackoff,

but whatever, we had a few laughs now and again. And one particular night, we were put in charge of driving the radio station vehicle through the holidazel parade downtown Minneapolis sounds like a blast not really

but we were the two guys we were the two guys that were going to drive the edge vehicle we were not 93X we were 93.7 the edge miserable days for me really miserable so that night we were going to drive

the vehicle down that slow monotonous parade route maybe. I don't know if we were passing out bumper stickers or just waving to the crowd. Here we are. 93.7 The Edge. You can catch us every morning, that whole thing. Very different times, as far as radio goes, things were very competitive. We were taught that everyone else was the enemy. You didn't let anyone behind the curtain. You know what I mean?

Yep. It was very... I got yelled at for being polite to somebody who worked at a different radio station. How dare you? Our boss saw that. It was enraged. You know, we were taught never to admit any weaknesses. Everyone was your...

Every other radio station was your enemy. So, you know, there was this facade that we were told to put out to the public. Well, during this time period, Rev 105, which I don't know the real history of that radio station. Josh, I think you're a little more tuned into the history of that radio station. It was beloved. I mean, it had a cult following. It didn't have huge ratings, but the people that listened to it absolutely loved it.

People still talk about it. They do, yeah. It was a legendary station. Right about at that time period when we were supposed to go to this holly dazzle parade, Rev 105 had been gassed. had been swallowed up by our company, correct, Josh? Yeah. Yeah.

ABC Disney, you know, ABC radio owned by Disney, so huge, huge company. So this, you know, this kind of rebellious local radio station, that's how they were perceived. They were swallowed up by our giant corporate animal. And there was a lot of bad blood in town from the dedicated Rev 105 listeners towards our radio station, or any of the radio stations in our family. Especially with what it was replaced with. It was replaced with X105, which was, you know, pretty hard music. Wolf rock, acid rock.

It was completely opposite of what Rev was. Right. So before we went out on this excursion to the holidayazil parade, our bosses were telling me and my former radio partner, hey, you guys are probably not going to be treated very well at this parade. a lot of bad blood towards us over this Rev 105 thing. So no matter what anybody says to you, don't pop off, don't react at all. Act as if it never happened.

Act as if it's not even happening. Like I said, it was a different time. There was very little honesty. We always had to be putting out this stupid image. And God, am I so thankful that it's different now. We can pretty much be honest with any damn thing. Back then it was different. So sure as hell, we're driving the stupid vehicle down the stupid parade route.

And every half a block, there'd be a group of rebellious teenage kids on the sidewalk, giving us the finger, F you edge sucks. Rev ruled, you bastards killed Rev. FU, FU, FU, FU. Everywhere we'd turn. And me and my old radio partner, and we were getting kind of a kick out of it, But we did what we were told. We didn't acknowledge.

We just looked straight ahead. But I could tell my old radio partner was ready to bust a spring. And I'll give him credit. I wasn't the biggest fan of this guy. But he came up with the ultimate line. So ass end of the parade. We again pass by this rowdy crowd on the sidewalk. And they're like,

F you, you pieces of garbage, you killed Rev. sons of bitches. My ex-radio partner rolls the window down in that van, hangs this whole body out to sun bitch and says, corporate radio rules, we win again. And the

looks on all of those people's faces. The looks on their faces was more shock, I think, because we acknowledged it. And also that we had such a smart-ass comment about it. Corporate radio rules, we win again.

gave Ashley one of those a couple weeks back when I drove by when we were leaving Menards. Oh, yeah. Were you totally confused what I met? No, I knew what you meant. The person that I was with, though, the promotions person that I was with did not understand what you meant. I was like, yeah, I was like, that's a bit. I don't feel like explaining it. My favorite element of that story, the one that Nick just told is how you get all these F bombs, all these FUs, all these middle fingers. And it was at a holladazzle parade, which I assume had lots of children in attendance. Wait to be in the holiday spirit. Yeah, that time, that was awful.

Oh, but I... You know, we had nothing to do with it. It was, we found out the same day Rev listeners found out. Oh, I laughed so hard in that moment because it felt good to kind of just... It felt good to kind of put out the message like, you know, go F yourself, you know. You're hollering at the wrong people here, you know. That's happened right. I work.

We get yelled at for stuff. We have nothing to do. At the time I worked at the radio station for garbage. They were paying me garbage. Like I have anything to do with buying out corporate this and that. You were on the corporate board that approved of the sale. Right. Oh, God.

Thank you for bringing that up again, Josh, because that's a fond memory. Okay, it says here, as we begin today's stupid news report, it says here, the banana chip bandit has finally been. apprehended and we can all learn together as a family what that means and maybe we can also try to understand together Josh why and how the tired as hell banded gimmick is still acceptable yeah and especially when it's used incorrectly why is everyone a bandit why can't we come up with anything better than that every time someone pulls off some kind of silly crime a group of people label them as the blackety-blank bandit, and we have to be able to come up with something better than that.

It drives me nuts. Well, especially when they're not a bandit. The speeding bandit. Oh, what did he steal? Nothing. He's just a prolific speed. Oh, God. AI. I blame AI.

And your headache. Okay, the banana chip bandit down in the terrible southeastern United States. Well, first off, can someone or another tell me what in the world is a banana chip? Is that a banana flavored potato chip? I thought they were dehydrated bananas, like sliced up bananas. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I was thinking what Nick was thinking, but you make more sense. Okay.

The banana chip. Down in, like I mentioned, the suck fest, that is the southern United States. They're calling this a bizarre crime spree. A 59-year-old woman's was finally placed under arrest for stealing up and around $300 worth of banana chips from her neighborhood grocery. Annette is the name of the banana chip lady. She apparently committed the same crime over and by God over again. The folks at the grocery store say she would come a walking in.

She'd snatch the same item off the shelf, a $6.49 bag of banana chips. And then she'd walk smooth out without. handing over any monies at all. Another grocery worker said that sometimes Annette would pay for her banana chips, but other times she would not.

I just like hearing you say a banana chip. I don't know why. Sounds cute. Bizzanana chizip. It's a weird thing to steal. Over and over and over again, Cubby. This is the route she would take. When the cops finally got on her case,

Annette admitted to her crimes. She also admitted that she knew what she was doing was stupid. She said that banana chips were not, quote, worth going to jail over and losing her job. It would be pretty embarrassing. She makes her living on air with a radio morning show. You can make a living doing that? That's the most impressive part of the story. I was trying to think of a snack I would steal.

And I guess it would be beef jerky, not just because of my love of it, but because you could flip that for a lot of money probably. That's stuff so expensive. You have to steal beef turkey these days. I think the cops would even understand. I can think of a lot of snacks that I'd like to steal. I'll be damned. If we're counting candy and everything, I keep you here all day long.

So anyway, the woman admitted that what she was doing was dumb. She admitted that this was not worth going to jail over. But yet, she was doing it over and over and over again. When the police searched Annette's car, they found 13 bags of banana chips. Nice. Wow, that's a lot of banana chips. What can she say? She's a junkie.

Annette has been convicted of retail theft. And she's been convicted of retail theft many times before, Josh. She's been to jail for this already. Yeah, she can't learn a lesson. Or she's hooked on it. Banana chips. Did you happen to look at her mugshot at all? I did not.

She looks like she was arrested at a sport clips or something like that. She's wearing a smock of some sort. She's a judge. Oh, I did see that picture. Yeah, why is she wearing a smock? I don't know. They didn't mention like she was arrested while naked and they just had to cover her up. I'll send that to you, Ashley.

Did you already said it? Yeah. No, I don't think so. she was she was wearing a ridiculous outfit can you look at that what is what is she wearing yeah what she looks like she's about to get her haircut at a hairdresser Josh what this one's for you Minneapolis Dan Jesus he texted in to say maybe she plays a lot of poker with monkeys that one's for you

I get jealous every day of something hilarious someone brother or sister it says now Ashley and Dana didn't respond to that at all I don't get it they didn't make a sound so sorry I mean it's a a funny visual, but I guess is there more behind it? What else do you need? That's hilarious. You got me. Oh, you finally got it? Yep.

That is awesome. Let's just go home. It can't get any better than that. I was fascinated by Josh had to back away from his microphone, laugh his balls off. You put your head in your hands. You love that joke so much. Dana and Ashley didn't even twitch.

I was worried Josh, you're going to fall backwards in your chair. I mean, picture that. That's so fun. And if you were a monkey, you're playing with banana chips. 100%. Take it easy. God dang, that's good.

Who is that? We've got to give them credit to you. Minneapolis, Dan. Josh, there are listeners. You mentioned you were trying to come up with a snack that you would steal. A few of our listeners have come up with a compact disc that you would steal. No, I don't know you're talking about. Stop it.

I was hoping to know when you bring that up. I almost set myself. self up, I was going to say, can you imagine getting busted for something that embarrassing? And then it sunk in. I have no room to talk. You were the seal compact disc bandit. I'm serious. How has that gimmick stuck around for all these years?

It's so dumb. Did I stole that? No, the bandit thing. Oh, I see what you're saying. Sorry. Will you do people of favor, Josh? Will you start writing up nicknames for these different criminals? Because you have the creativity to squash this bad habit.

You do. Dana, why didn't you laugh at that banana chip joke? He doesn't get it. He's not the brightest guy in the role. It took me a second. I didn't get it at first. Ashley doesn't get it. She's not the smartest person I've ever met either.

All right, so it was a defense mechanism when you kind of ripped the joke. It was just you didn't get the joke. No, it took me a second to process. He plays poker with monkeys. The way Josh reacted so hard, I thought this was some. long-running inside joke, you guys. So did I actually. Now I'm being blamed for finding it funny and I feel terrible.

I do kind of feel bad because I definitely thought it was an inside thing. No more excuses. No more excuses. And then I realize it was so small. You guys just can't keep up with Minneapolis, Dan, Jesus. That's right. Exactly. All right.

While we've got Josh well entertained over here. He gets the day off of work. I hope his boss was listening. Minneapolis, Dan, he don't need to ask for a day off. He just stays home. While we've got Cubby in stitches, as luck would have it, here's one of your favorite gimmicks. At least the punchline, I know, is one of your favorite gimmicks.

The setup is tired as balls, almost as tired as blankety-blank bandit. Another whack bag, lunatic bitch running loose, shooting at everything that moves. That's the setup. 68, how do I say that again, Josh? 68 year old. 68 year old man in Maryland, total bitch. He busted a spring somewhere along the way

and he took to carjacking and shooting at anyone who crosses his path, right? Okay. Larry is the name of this friggin idiot. Back a month ago is when he went on his little bitch rampage. He's shooting at folks and then taking their vehicles. or sometimes he'd take their vehicles first and then shoot at him. Ah, mix it up a little. You know how these ballbags operate.

Larry would drive real fast in one of those carjacked vehicles, and then he'd crash, but then he'd just carjack the next unlucky bastard to happen by, and Larry would be off again. Eventually the cops took to chasten Larry. They traded gunfurt. fire. Eventually, Larry flipped one of his carjacked vehicles

up onto its lid. Just when you thought Larry was done with his little pant wedding, here he comes crawling out of the wreckage. That last crash did he had where he ends up on the lid, Larry comes crawling out of the wreckage

still firing at the cops. But soon after that, Larry ran smooth out of ammunition. Thank God. It looked to be over. But he had one last big opportunity to get away. And it looked like he might just make it. He crawled his way into the car of another innocent bystander.

All he had to do was hit the gas. And he gone. But! And here's that punchline I was telling you about. Stupid, violent dickhole Larry. doesn't know how to drive a manual. That's the best. If you're going to be a carjacker and know that you're going to do it repetitively,

you should know how to drive a manual. I agree. Put the work in. Also, I think everyone should know how to drive a manual. It's fun. Larry didn't understand the concept of a gear stick and a clutch, and he's 68 years old. That's embarrassing, Larry.

Yeah, because back in the day, they were way more prevalent. Now I think he got a special order or something like that, depending on the vehicle. I used to not lock my car when I went into school and my friends would give me crap for it and I was like, well, I don't have anything in my car that's valuable and like chances are they're not going to be able to drive a stick

so I have a pretty good chance no one's going to try to steal my car well cops always say that's the best protection against theft is to have a manual transmission So the latter those morons don't know how to drive them Yeah one of my exes drove a stick And I loved it when we would take her car on road trips.

Sorry, babe, I'd like to take a shift behind the wheel, but I don't know how to drive stick. You should learn. It's fun. Ashley's right. I've never, I haven't come across a manual transmission in years. That's all we had growing up. I'm trying to remember. I think when I bought my first pickup truck is the first time I didn't have a manual.

Oh, so you don't know how yet, Dana? I can do it in Cruising USA, the arcade game. Does that count? Yes. Yeah, that counts. Okay. Absolutely. I can teach you like, like, like I was taught, a lot of yelling.

So, boy, that first, well, now they've got hill assist. But back in the day when they didn't, that first hill you're waiting at a stoplight. Oh my God. And there's somebody a little too close behind you. Oh, that's terrifying when you're learning how to drive one. There was a dairy queen by my house, and the drive-thru was a hill. And I remember at one point, I just broke down and started bawling when I was in the drive-thru. Because the person behind me was just way too close.

I had no room to roll back even like a millimeter. I was just bawling. I was like, can you please just back up? Get off my butt. Josh, at one point I owned a 1977 AMC Gremlin three speed. In first gear, I could lift the front end of that vehicle clear off the road. I could lift her up. That's fun.

What am I saying here? So after all that noise, Dick Bagg Larry with his violent rampage, shooting at cops. shooting at cops, shooting at everybody in town, carjacking three, four vehicles along the way, and then crashing them. After all that friggin' noise, Larry gets into an innocent bystander's vehicle, and all he can do is just hopelessly stare at the manual transmission setup in that vehicle. The local cops snuck up and shoved their batons up Larry's ass, and his silly little temper tantrum was over. going to jail forever.

Good. After what he's done. I think he didn't kill anybody. Jeez. And why can't they make guns manual transmissions so this guy can't operate one? Jesus, yeah. I don't think he's cut out for that. No.

That's gun control right there. You know, I agree that driving a manual was fun. But it reached a point for me where it was work. and so when I switch to a What the hell is the opposite? Automatic. Automatic. When I switched to an automatic, it was so easy.

There's no work involved. I know that sounds incredible, but I reached a point in my life where pushing my left foot back and forth and running that gear stick, it became too much work for me. That was a pretty good feeling. Well, my first car was a manual. So when I got a, and I think I had that for like four, or five years. So when I got an automatic, I was like, wow. I remember telling my dad,

how do people get in a car accidents? Like, you're so easy. It's just one little, just your foot, just simple, barely have to pay attention. Now, if you put me in a manual today, I bet it would be a lot of fun for me, because it's been many years now since I operated one. But I got lazy. You didn't happen that same feeling where you thought, oh, Christ, I'm in an automatic now. I can just sit here and do nothing. Well, I do a lot of less, a lot less knee steering. Like if I wanted to eat behind the wheel. I'd have to have a knee up there so I could steer as I ate a subway sandwich or something like that. And then Josh and I have the same story, I think, where we were teaching someone how to drive a manual.

Don't we have the exact same story? So this was a girlfriend of mine years ago. Her parents hooked her up with a car, I think, for like a college graduation present. And it was a five-speed. and she didn't know how. So I showed her, or at least I did my best to show her. But I had never been in such a new vehicle with a manual. The ones we drove growing up were what, Josh,

vehicles from the early 70s, right? Mid-70s. So this was like a 99-something, right? So I'm showing her how, whipping through the neighborhoods, everything was great, until I pulled into someone. driveway to turn around and then it was going to be her turn to drive after showing her the this and that and i but jesus i can't put it into how do i get it into gear stick wouldn't move and i mean now there's a crowd gathered in the in the front window of this home who were these two people sitting

at our driveway and i'm telling my girlfriend i'm telling my girlfriend i'm like i i you folks might have bought you a lemon i cannot put this pig into reverse and then just by accident I did, and it dawned on me, you have to lift up on the gear stick. I had never seen that before, nor have I ever heard of it until that moment. Yeah, I had the same thing. Mine almost was more embarrassing because I was at Apple Ford and Apple Valley, and a friend of mine works there, and they're like, hey, they had this really sweet Mustang, and he's like, if you want, you can kind of go around the parking lot.

We can't let you go out on the road in this thing, but you can cruise around the parking lot. I was with my wife and it was a convertible, you know, so people can see you. And I was just driving slow through the parking lot and I came up to a dead end back in the service area. So all these tough guy mechanics are kind of looking. And I went to put it in reverse and it was the same thing. I had no idea. And I'm telling my wife, like, you've got to help me figure this out. These people are staring at me.

I can't put it in reverse. I feel so stupid. And so after I got out and walked around the car as if I was admiring it, just to have some time to think about how would a guy put this in reverse? Like kicking the tires and, you know, it sucks. I know, thinking, okay, and then eventually I had to call my friend and just tell him, dude, I have no idea. And it was the same thing.

It was like a sunken ring right underneath the shifter that he had to pull up. I'd never seen that either. Susie Sheezes texted into the program. She and I grew up together just for the record. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Did you ever, you know, did you ever, uh, no? No.

No. But a fair question. Susie, her dad got her a little rabbit convertible in high school. He bought it out the newspaper, unseen in person. Susie's dad dropped her off to pick it up. It was a manual, which had never driven before, she said. But we had to push it out the driveway because it had no reverse first or second gear. Dad thought he got the deal of the century.

Of course. Our parents all did that to us, right? Here's your new car. Here's your bicycle. It's a piece of garbage. It has no gears. It doesn't have any brakes, right? And it was your job to try to piece that thing back together.

So her dad got her a car that had no reverse first or second gear. Fun, great. For whatever reason growing up, my parents were Volkswagen people. We had the hippie hauler. Yeah. They had a couple of gulfs. My uncle lived with us at a jetta. My mom had a rabbit, the vehicle, to be specific.

Oh, darn it. She had the Volkswagen rabbit. Oh, not the widow rabbit. No, no, no, no. Your mom had the widow rabbit, too, I bet, between the mattress and the box. What are you talking about? Where are we going with Volkswagen? My mom had a rabbit.

Oh, she did. Yeah, so my family were Volkswagen. Yeah, yeah. Farfagnugan, they used to say back in the day. When we were young, when we were young, our dad's always had that deal for us, you know, if we needed a car. Hey, my buddy Gary's got a car for you. Oh, yeah? Yeah, he only wants a hundred bucks for it.

Oh, nice. Yeah, it's got no brakes and no steering wheel. And all the windows are broken out, but it's yours. Oh, great. Dred Chick Jesus had the same type of situation where she bought a vehicle, got home, and didn't realize that she didn't know to put it in reverse. Yeah, you got to figure that out first, I guess. All right.

We've got some great stories here. Oh, I think I can squeeze this one in. Okay. here's a part of the world that we normally don't hear dick about the northwest territory josh up there in canada it sets way the hell up there by the godforsaken yukon territory and the other one there's another one up there too what's the other one there's the northwest territory there's the yukon there's something else anyone got a map anyway we don't usually hear word one out of these folks but by damn that has changed at least for today, and I'll give them credit.

This is a fun one. Allegations are being leveled at a local dude up that way. The Royal Canadian Mounted Police say that this peckerhead was kayaking while drunk. And a stolen kayak to boot. The Mounties say that a drunk wandered up on some outdoorsy types in the middle of nowhere's up there. and the drunk stole one of their kayaks. And he had an interesting style, too, once he got that pig into a nearby river.

He steals the kayak, he's drunk, he plops it down into a river. Witnesses said he was singing that old Rush song, Lime Light, and he was trying to paddle the kayak with a friggin' snow shovel. That's awesome. This is so Canadian. That's funny right there. That's awesome.

The Canadian police were called, and when they galloped up on horseback, they saw that the drunk feller had come out the kayak, and he was too hammered to swim back to shore. Oh, he fell out. Oh, God. The cops hopped in to the drink, and they helped Getty Lee out the water. Then they punched him in his mouth, and they put him under arrest. The drunk turned out to be, he turned out to be a 63rd.

He's 63 Canadian years old, and he's been charged with impaired operation of a vessel. It says up that way in the Northwest Territory, it is, quote, an offense to operate any sort of vessel while impaired, including non-motorized craft like canoes or kayaks. You can get a D-dub, Josh, in a canoe or a kayak. That seems a little silly, but I guess you're putting yourself at risk there. paddling down the river with a frigging snow shovel.

It's all he's got. Got to get somewhere. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. You know what? I think that's just great. I thought that was wonderful last night to watch the North Carolina Hurricanes claim that Stanley Cup. That frigging goaltender, man. What a story. bussey comes in in game three everyone's like who the hell is this packerhead he thinks he can take

the place of fred anderson fred anderson you can't take his place frigging tid uh the kid did wonderfully ends up pitching a shutout last night in the clinching game we can get into that both big uh both big tournaments are over and i'm happy that they're over i am it's less work for us around here really it does make it easier doesn't it stanley cup wrapped up last night. The basketball tournament wrapped up. I don't know if that was Friday or Saturday. Someone at the beer hall yesterday said this to me. They said, imagine, when did the Knicks win the title? Was it Saturday night? Saturday night. A friend of mine says, imagine an alien spaceship lowers down to New York City. And they say, you know, we're finally going to visit Earth. Let's see what these bastards are all about.

And this was Saturday night in New York City. The aliens come down. They're like, what the hell is this? Yeah, they take off. We're not ready for them. What's the matter with these people? What are they doing? God, they were nuts. They did. But it was awesome. It really was great. Good for Carl.

Good for that ball club. And the twins got a win over the weekend. They won their series over the St. Louis Cardinals. Again, we got plenty of time to cover this in a half hour with Randy Shaver. First, a couple of text messages, though. We got to talking about automatic versus manual transmission motor vehicles a little bit. A listener made a good point about driving a manual versus an automatic. They said it is a little bit of a challenge, Josh, to eat mass amounts of Taco Bell while driving a manual transmission.

You get used to it enough where I bet that person would do just fun. Did you get good at it? Pretty good. Yeah, I could do some insane things while driving a manual. I used to be able to hit a bong while driving a manual. Wow. It's hard. You got to hit that bong.

Took a while to figure it out. You know, you should do that ever. I know. No matter what you're driving. You should never, ever, ever do that. She was hitting the bong. And it's cool. It was cool.

It was not cool. Josh and I both had separate challenges in our lifetime with putting a manual transmission vehicle in reverse. Because the vehicles were too new. We did not know about the lift up gimmick. You know, they said that technology passed us by. We were so used to driving garbage manual transmission. vehicles. When they came out with the new ones, we didn't know how to put it in reverse.

And a listener reminded me, yes, and thankfully someone reminded us of this because it's one of the most beautiful things ever. Uncle Terry also couldn't put it in reverse. What it was reversed, Ter? He couldn't. It's perfect. He didn't want to. The Fourth of July is coming up. There was a car coming

there for a while, right? And they had to hold off. But then when he finally lit that pig, Uncle Terry also couldn't put it back. Oh, Lord! Lord, please! Josh's news reports coming up next. 90.3. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

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763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. We threw like a spontaneous party out of nowhere. It was crazy. This is full send. Drake weekend in Toronto, that's like, imagine telling me that like 10 years ago.

Oh, yeah. You're going to rip with Drake for his album launch, release party in Toronto. Like, I'm not passing that up for anything. Join the party. She went to a mechella. into the game. What is the Mac Alley? Ridiculous. I think it's an excuse to dress up like an idiot and go to a ball.

The Full Sand podcast. Oh, we're ready. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Can I hump your leg for 15 uninterrupted seconds? The 93X half-assed morning show. The last couple weeks of school is very busy. Teachers, students are trying to get

everything together before the summer break and it just created a big disruption. Police in California say a brazen vandal, glute, bandit, glued nearly 200 doors shut across a high school just before finals. It is typical to see senior pranks, but those are more lighthearted, funny, more clever, but nothing to this extreme of damaging over $70,000 worth of property. Newly released surveillance footage captured the suspect in action at Patrick Henry High School

in San Diego on May 26. I was walking in, right? And I looked, and there was like all these teachers on the floor. They were like picking at the locks. Lord. The video shows him. roaming campus between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m. spending nearly two hours, pouring glue into door locks and leaving students and staff with a massive headache just days before exams. So you still had class that day? We still had a class that day yet. We had to take the final shoot.

Glue has played a starring role in a vandalism case before. In Texas, authorities accused a 64-year-old suburban Houston woman of damaging a neighbor's home by filling the locks with metal pins, sealing them with super glue, spray painting. windows and destroying for sale signs. As the glue-fueled vandalism escalated, the neighbor installed a video surveillance system to catch the culprit, and that footage did capture her in the act, just not in the way they hoped. Instead,

court records show the video caught her committing another adhesive-related crime, covering those cameras with duct tape. I got to say that's a brilliant friggin' prank. The dude who glued all the doors shut at the high school? Yeah. That is pretty good. Holy balls.

Patrick Henry High School, huh? That's correct. I know a couple guys who went to Patrick Henry right here in Minneapolis. Although I don't think they call it that anymore. I think it's somebody, it's named something else now. Word up to Brian and Big John, Patrick Henry High School graduates, Josh. Back to California, home of the high school glue mystery. There's an unusual law you may not know.

If a frog dies during a frog jumping contest in California, it cannot be eaten. Don't even try. What a shame. Don't even try. This has to be one of the most unbelievable and tragic stories we've told in a long time. Honestly, I can't believe this happened. What's the one thing a bungee jump worker has to do before sending someone off a bridge? Hit the bong?

Make sure they're secure. Yes. Make sure the freaking bungee cord is attached. Oh, no. Yeah. That, of course, is not some advanced part of the training manual. It's literally the entire job. But authorities say that basic step was forgotten at a bungee jumping event in Brazil, and a 21-year-old woman is now dead.

Good Lord. The incident happened Saturday at the Skeleton Bridge in Sao Paulo. According to reports, the woman was preparing for a jump when workers carried her into the platform. Moments later, she was pushed from the bridge. But there was just one horrifying problem. They forgot to connect the rope. I got to chill up my spine. I picture that's how it would turn out for me

if I ever signed up for one of those silly things. Horrible. I watched the video. I did not. I tried not too. Just the lead-up, even, I mean, just knowing what's about to happen. Yeah. Very difficult to watch.

That's troubling. I mean, it doesn't show any gore or anything, but you just see, I mean, she looks happy. How do the people who work for the bungee crowd, how did they react? Oh, responsibly, you'll hear her. Oh, no. Video that surfaced online reportedly shows bystanders screaming that she wasn't attached as she plunged roughly 130 feet into a ravine below.

Emergency crews rushed to the scene, but the poor lady had no chance. Authority say workers forgot to secure her to the bungee cord before the jump, and investigators are trying to determine exactly how something so catastrophically stupid could happen. Because when your entire business model is jumping off a bridge at 10,000. to a rope, forgetting that rope does seem like a pretty significant oversight. And adding to the tragedy, her fiancé was also at the event. Oh, no. He required medical treatment after learning she died.

That's terrible. And if that wasn't awful enough, authorities say some of the event organizers actually fled the scene after the fall. Get the hell out of there. Come on. Police later located two of them with the help of a helicopter searching nearby woodlands. In total, six people connected to the event. Five men and one woman have been taken into custody.

The civil police department is investigating and will determine whether criminal charges will be filed. So is there any chance at all that they did this on purpose? It didn't look like it. I mean, maybe. It's a short video. I mean, I didn't think that at all until you mentioned the part that they ran like hell. No, yeah, they just got out of there. I'm assuming thinking we're in some serious trouble here.

That is sickening. And there's people yelling at it. I mean, I don't speak the language, so I'm not 100% sure, other than just reading, they're screaming. Hey, the rope's not attached. The rope's not attached. Come on, man. A Northern California police officer was fired and arrested for a little copulation,

tossing his body camera into a lake to cover up using his handcuffs while humping and his patrol vehicle for porking. Humping and pork. That's right. I'm a man. Lake Royal Police Department officer, Samuel Markham, was arrested. Wednesday after an internal investigation revealed he tried to cover his tracks after giving it to a gal in the front while they were seated in the back.

Investigators said the 34-year-old officer was on duty in late January when he fooled around with his girlfriend inside his marked patrol vehicle. After the extracurricular activities wrapped up in the rolling love nest, he checked his department issued body camera and said, uh-oh, they caught the action. So he threw it into a lake in an effort to make the evidence disappear. Frisky lawman. Throw it into a lake. Get out of here.

He then reportedly fed fellow officers a bogus story. Markham told police that he lost the camera during an ice storm on January 23rd. In another written statement in June, the warrant says that Markham says that he got rid of the body cam by throwing it into the lake out of fear of disciplinary consequences after allowing his girlfriend to be inside his patrol vehicle. As a result of the findings, Officer Markham's employment with the Lake Royal Company, The company police department was terminated. They said this in a statement. He was subsequently charged with obstruction of justice, making false official statements, injury to personal property

and conduct on becoming a police officer coming. The case finally unraveled when Markham provided a written statement, June 6, admitting to the rendezvous, and confessing he tossed the camera because he feared being fired for the fornicating, which he was. That's it, huh? I think everyone should have an opportunity to have some intercourse. course, in your work vehicle at some point, but...

Yeah, it sounds like fun. Get permission first. And don't destroy the property. A Texas man escaped with handcuffs, climbed into the front seat, and drove off in a police cruiser with an officer still inside. According to the Dallas Police Department, cops conducted a traffic stop and arrested the 37-year-old man on three charges, including driving with an invalid license and unlawful possession of a firearm.

Unfortunately for the officers, the suspect wasn't done adding items to that rap sheet. Video of the incident shows the man quietly slipping his left hand free from his restraints and hiding it from officers. He then unbuckled his seatbelt and reportedly tested the locked rear door while being transported to jail. The universal sign, of course, for I'm about to do something incredibly stupid. When officers realized what was happening, things went sideways fast. The suspect suddenly moved into the driver's seat and drove off. off, wrestling with an officer who tried to stop him through the driver's side door. Before the cruiser sped away, one officer managed to climb into the back of the squad.

The suspect blasted down the road at speeds of up to 50 miles an hour, driving erratically while the officer was tossed around the back seat like Josh's mom on a Tinder date after two margaritas. Oh, my God. Tossed around back there. I just figured somebody was going to send it in. Yeah, I get it. At one point, the officer deployed his taser.

When that failed to end the suspect's brief career. as a police chauffeur, he struck the suspect in the side of the head with his gun. Eventually, the suspect unlocked the driver's side door, jumped from the moving vehicle, and knocked himself unconscious. While all this was happening, the officer somehow managed to regain control of the speeding cruiser from the back seat, and he prevented a crash narrowly, I must say. You got, I'm done. I got nothing left. Knocked himself unconscious by jumping up.

I'm out of here. All right, now I got a headache all over again. God, that was good. Stop the car. Stop the car. That's where the cop saves. I mean, he almost crashed into another vehicle. As absurd as that episode sounds, it's not even close to the first time a handcuffed suspect

has stolen a police vehicle. A Florida woman a few years ago was arrested on stocking charges and somehow freed herself after being handcuffed behind her back and placed alone in a patrol car, she then climbed through the partition, separating the rear and front compartments, started the vehicle, and drove away. It's amazing what some folks will come up with when they're in that state. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, a guy that I grew up with, a kid that I grew up with, kicked out the window of a patrol car. He was cuffed in the back. He kicked the windows out barefooted. because when you're in that situation, you can come up with some things that you didn't think you were capable of. Yeah, and you're probably not thinking too far ahead, I guess. Not thinking about a damn thing, really, Josh. Oh, come on.

Do you have video of this poor bastard going to sleep on the side of the road? The video shows the interior of the cop car. And also you see what the car is looking at as far as about to crash. That was beautiful. Nothing to the guy falling asleep on the side of the road. I wish. I'm so well-rested. I'm covered in bruises.

I can just picture him just wringing his noggin off the... God, I'm a sucker for that. Cops in Estonia say they've got a growing problem on their hands and occasionally their arms. The Northern European Nations Chief of Police said biting attacks on their officers appear to be on the rise. The concern that's gained national attention following a bizarre nightclub incident involving a judge.

There's a nightclub in Estonia? Yeah, there's a couple of them, I guess. They looked a party. I'm picturing a totally different scene. The dental development started at a nightclub when a judge bit a police officer who asked her to leave. Following that incident, the chief says

a biting boom has spread quickly across the country. Biting is a big concern for us now. I can't prove it statistically, but I feel attacks on law enforcement agencies have increased on the police, on security companies. There's always messages that police officers have been injured, he said in an interview. One of the most talked about cases happened in mid-May after video surfaced,

showing an altercation between a judge and two officers. At one point, an officer can be heard asking a question few people ever expect to ask on the job. Why are you biting me? The chief suggested the highly publicized encounter may have inspired copycats. Since the media report about a judge biting a police officer, there have been incidents every week. I'd like to hope that as adults we can solve problems without biting, the chief had to say. For now, authorities are treating the incisor insurrection seriously.

A spokesperson for the prosecutor's office said an investigation has been initiated into the use of violence against a public official performing official duties. Estonia, did they make it to the soccer tournament this year, Dana? They did not? No. Do they have a decent team? No, I don't think so. They're pretty good.

They're pretty good. says. Neil Patrick Harris turned 53 today. Ice Cube 57. Just saw him in a movie. I watched the remake of, or not remake,

but I guess an alternate version of Anaconda. Oh my God. Oh, you watched that. Wait a minute. An alternate version of the Anaconda movie from the early 90s with Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez

and John Voigt. How was it? I watched. You know, it's okay. Yeah. About what you'd expect. That movie was popular enough to make an alternate version for consumers? Well, they're basically making a movie because they loved the movie.

Do you understand? I do not. Jack Black and Paul Rudd, they loved the movie so much. Oh, I'm sorry. They wanted to remake it. I thought you were saying this was like an alternate director's cut of the movie Anaconda. No. I watched a little bit of a 22 Jump Street.

Oh, I love those. He's funny in those movies. That's where I saw Ice Cube, Josh. 22 Jump Street. And it looks like they're making a new one. They're calling this one 24 Jump Street just because it's been so long since they did the second one. Yeah. They decided to skip the 23.

That's funny. I can't say that I had a great time with it, but it did the trick, I think, for the moment. Brad Gillis. Oh, my God. Awesome Night Ranger guitarist, very muscular. Played with Ozzy Osbourne for a bit following the tragic death of Randy Rhodes. He's 69 today, which. If you take a look at him, you'd never guess.

Brad Gillis. Never guessed. One of the most talented guitar players. And I had a chance to hang out with him, and I completely ignored him. I treated him like a dick. Why? You know that story. I don't remember.

He's such a nice guy and so talented, so underrated. It was he and I at a bar, and a gal introduced me to him. And I had all the time in the world to sit and get to know Brad Gillis, and I walked away. I was asked at the last minute to do a bar gig here for the radio station in the middle of a bachelor party. So I had seven or eight beers in me. The phone rings. Hey, we need someone to go to this bowling alley and introduce Night Ranger. Can you make it?

And I love Night Ranger. But I was pissed off that I was interrupted in the middle of this bachelor party. I was 25 years old, young and dumb and the whole works. So I go to the bar. I got 10 minutes before we go on stage. And it's just me and Brad Gillis. And this gal introduces me to him. And I was like, yeah, whatever.

And I walked away. He went up on stage and said, here's Night Ranger. And I got the hell out of there. Poor Brad Gillis. Big regret. He did. He looked at me as if he was thinking, well, you don't want to talk at all? You don't have to be friends?

You don't want to ask me about my time. You like I say big-timed. I big-timed Brad Gillis because I was in a pissy mood. Ah, that sucks. Yeah, he's awesome. I hate myself for it, Josh. I follow him on LinkedIn. That's where I'm at, Ashley.

LinkedIn. I like LinkedIn, I guess, but I don't like go on there for pleasure. I almost never do, but every once in a while I'm like, I wonder if Brad Gillis is going to do. Walked away. Yeah, that sucks. Happy birthday to the daughter of the one that got away. Nick's niece, who he incorrectly thinks is named Rudy, which she's not. Hope your 17th birthday is every bit as awesome as you are.

I've seen her perform live, incredibly talented singer, whatever your actual name may be. Cement Hauling Jesus celebrated. You could ask my brother, I guess, if you want to know the answer. He'd know the name. He'd probably would know. I'd imagine your sister, Huba, Huba, would also know. I suppose. Cement Hauling Jesus celebrated his 27th year haul and cement with aggregate yesterday.

Shout out from his buddy, Duke's Mail, loving Jesus. Happy birthday to Checks Inn at 7. Jesus and Bull's Blood Jesus. That's 93x News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. Four point lead. Here comes Fox. Five seconds remaining.

Fox to Wemby. Wemby tries a three, puts it up, off the mark, and Anatoe, the rebound. It's over. It's over. Mick Vans, this is not a dream. Your long, long wait has ended. Go ahead and cry after 53 years. The Knicks are finally NBA champion.

once again. Yes, we get Dan Housen, the king of New York now. But of course, congratulations to the Nix Housins. We can have Dan Housen Day. We can have the next day. And we can celebrate that you are the NBA, 2026 champions, and you are untressed. So much we could talk about when it comes to this year's NBA final, final. Dan Housen played a role in it, of course. Of course. so much we could talk about when it comes to this year's series, which ended Saturday night, right ass man, right lonely boy? Yeah, so much. Let's get to the game itself first.

The New York Knicks closed out the series in five games. Jalen Brunson put on an all-time great performance. He scored 45 or so points. He was named the MVP of the series. series. Yep. I mean, the Knicks were just a killing machine in the playoffs. Not even the NBA's new favorite toy, Victor Wemba Yamba, could stop them.

No. Between the all-time comeback in game four and then Brunson's performance in the deciding game, this one will be remembered. I don't know if any of this. Well, certainly the run that they went on will be. I mean, I saw a lot of people saying is this, you know, one of the, you know, the best teams. Everybody likes to ask that after the team

was in championship. I'm not sure it's one of the best teams ever, but it certainly is one of the best postseason runs ever. I mean, they closed out all four of their series on the road. On the road. Yeah, all these stats that come out, I mean, you can't dispute the fact that they

dominated the postseason and they went on one heck of a run. Hilarious moment after the game. I don't know if anyone caught this. Ernie Johnson. interviewed Jalen Brunson. And Ernie asked him, do you know how many Knicks? Do you know how many Knicks have scored 40 points or more in an NBA finals game?

And Jalen appeared to be thinking about it. Jalen appeared to be thinking about it for a second. And Ernie Johnson said, just one. And I'm looking at him. That's cool. And Jalen said, oh, I was going to say Rick Brunson, but I knew that couldn't be right. Taking time to drag his dad after winning the title. That was frigging brilliant.

That's good. What a performance by the Knickerbockers. For sure. I mean, San Antonio made some calculated errors in this series, the last two games, for sure. But I've been reading online last night all day yesterday and last night about has Mitch Johnson lost the locker room by not playing Dylan Harper down the stretch as opposed to Deeran Fox? Fox just had a bad fourth quarter in game four and a terrible game in game five. Just bad.

He wasn't very good in the series overall. No, he wasn't very good in the series. but, I mean, just did not have a good series. And, you know, Harper was unreal. I mean, Harper is going to be one of the superstars of this league. He is so damn good at what he does. You know, Castle had a terrible game in Game 5. Could not hit the broadside of a barn for San Antonio.

But Harper was so good. And I, you know, San Antonio is going to be back. They're going to be good. They're going to be fine. They're going to retool. They'll be good. For the Knicks, it's interesting because, you know, they're veteran guys. They don't have a lot of draft choices over the next few years because they traded

to them to build this team. Can they repeat? Who knows? Anything's possible. It feels to me like the spurs, it feels to me like the spurs will be, like you said, the spurs will maybe have some other runs, obviously, in them over the next three to five years for sure. It doesn't feel like that to me for the Knicks. And again, that's

not dissing what they did. They were dominant and they deserve to win the championship. For whatever reason, that just doesn't feel to me like they're going to go on this prolonged run and win three or four championships. They might not win another game. Nick, there's a great photo

on social that went out late Saturday night yesterday. It's a picture of draft night Jalen Brunson and Luca Donkich both drafted by the Dallas Mavericks in the same draft. And I think the caption was something like, and you did what? You know, with those two guys?

I mean, think about it. They got Brunson in the second round, or late first, and Luca Donkich, and they had both of them and did nothing with them. That's amazing. Well, the wolves had Rubio and Johnny Flynn. Very comparable situation. Now, of course, lots happened away from the game itself, and not all of it was good.

Of course, some New Yorkers took the game to mean a green light to rip the city to pieces, but we all knew that was coming. They fought with the cops. They smashed out windshields. They climbed the light poles. They knocked a statue over. They climbed into and on top of school buses. they jumped on a fire truck

a kid got shot a bunch of folks got stabbed this that 63 people were arrested oh god they were punching horses they punched horses a guy died unfortunately who died a father got shot to death

oh did everyone see the video of the spurs fan in a Dennis Rodman jersey who looked to be I don't know Josh you tell me I've never been great at estimating height and weight. He looked to be about 5'8 and about 300 pounds of pure muscle.

Yeah, that's about right. And he tried to fight every single Nick fan at a train station somewhere in New York City. He did his best. Is that video up on our website? Yeah. He just, it was like when a wild animal gets loose at the zoo. All this guy had to do was lurched towards the crowd and they'd backpedal. I don't want any of that. He's just shoving everyone down. And a few people We're kicking at him. The guy went, the cops escorted him out of the way. Probably saved his life. Yeah, I'm sure you're right.

So it was total madness on the streets, like I said a minute ago. We all knew that was coming. For whatever reason, we just can't hold our mud when our ball clubs win championships. Now, several fans slammed Victor Wemba-Yamba for his lack of sportsmanship at the end of game five, for not shaking hands with anyone at the end of the series. Is it me or did this kid kind of go from this kind of pure, cutesy, new face of the NBA? Did he go from that to kind of looked at as kind of an arrogant douche? Yeah, absolutely.

I totally agree. The public opinion of this kid has completely changed. It was such an abrupt heel turn that even wrestling fans might have been taken. back by it. Yeah. I love it too because I didn't want to like the guy and now I don't have to. I mean, he's 22 years old. I'll give him a break, I guess, a little bit, but he didn't shake anybody's hand. He went straight back to the locker and then he was kind of a prick to the media. It also wasn't just him. I think there was only two of the entire Spurs roster who stuck around and shook hands. You know, and you mentioned this Mitch Johnson guy. You mentioned the head coach

of the Spurs. I mean, maybe he's caught up in the moment and he's busy, you know, talking to Mike Brown or whatever. But I saw a few people say on social media, there's Mitch Johnson. It's his job to go in the locker room and say, hey, dickheads, get out there and congratulate the winner for Christ's sake. But maybe he's wrapped up in other things. I'm not going to pounce on Mitch Johnson.

In that situation, you have a window of maybe like five to ten seconds where you can get over and shake hands before their entire families and all the celebrities come on the floor and the NBA comes on the floor and ropes off everything. I mean, you don't have this huge window to do it. And all of those guys kind of went to the locker room right away, except for a couple of them. I think it was at Cornett and one other guy, one other dude,

stayed out and found a few guys to shake hands with. But literally the entire roster left before. It wasn't the, it was just town of the show. It's not the great setup that the NHL has. No, it's not. Which I think is just absolutely fantastic. Yeah, me too. I agree.

They set it up. They take the time to shake each other's hands and congratulate them. And the NBA should learn a little bit from that, from the NFL, about how to finish a very competitive emotional series by, you know, taking a minute to congratulate the winners. I'm not excusing the fact that he left, but I am saying that they have a very small window to do that before the court gets taken over. everybody else. Well, it was obvious he just turned his back and he wanted nothing to do with it. It was a very bitchy kind of a bitchy body language that he had.

But here's the thing. This is kind of interesting to me. I'm enjoying this, actually, that he's gone from America's sweetheart to this kind of criminal role. Well, not criminal. But you know what I mean? The heel role in a matter of a couple of weeks. Yeah. J-T.R.

C-L. Never. What was that? That was him at the press conference saying see all. never. See you all never? Never. Like a sixth grader would say? Or maybe even younger. Is this kid an idiot? So I guess that's my question. Is he an idiot? Josh is wondering. Anyone have an answer? I don't have an answer. No. It does seem like an abrupt change his persona.

Again, he's 22. But he said he's kind of embracing the role, so he must like that. He said that? Yeah. And he doesn't mind that the Knicks fans aren't liking him. Oh, well, that changes things for me. If he's embracing the role as a he, he must like it. heel, I have great respect for that. He said he was fine with it. Well, you know, I always love the heel, yeah. So who do you root for when they play OKC, Nick? Well, it just happened, didn't it? Yeah, I know, but in the future, now that you know that he's embraced this role. Well, I just hope it never happens again. I hope I never have to watch the Spurs and the Oklahoma City Thunder on television at the same time ever again. Sorry, sorry to say you will.

Sorry to say you will for sure. Well, I mean, I don't have to turn the television on, do I? Oh, we'll make you. You're not in charge of me. You're not my dad. We'll see. Now, listen to this now. More on this Wemba-Yamba punk. Wimba-Yombe!

A Knicks fan is pretty pissed off. He thinks he got screwed. He booked a penthouse at the Ritz Carlton for game four of the NBA final, final. Fancy. Game four was, of course, that dramatic ending with the OG and Anobie. This guy. says he was kicked out of the $20,000 hotel room because

silly Victor when Bejamba complained to the manager like a little Karen would. Phil is his name. He was with a party of six. It was him and his buddy, Ron, and their kids.

A bunch of little kids. They spent a total of 70, no, I'll get this. Is this for real? Oh my God. This didn't even occur to me when I first read the story. They spent a total of $750,000 on tickets to the game. True. For six people to get into this game, $20,000 on this hotel room.

Now, obviously, Phil and Ron have a few bucks. It's not like this was... Yeah. It's not like this was there. I lost my sympathy a little bit. No, that's not where I'm going with this, Bradrider. I just wanted to make a point. It's obvious that this wasn't their last dime.

You'll change your opinion here, Brad. It's not about the money. It's not about the money. They rented one of only two penthouse suites on the 41st floor of the Ritz Carlton. The other penthouse belonged to Victor Wembeyanba. Wimba. So, they were not told that Wembe Yamba was staying in the other suite. At one point or another, a few hours before that game four,

Ron and Phil and their kids were milling around. They came out of their room at the same time that Wembe Yom. Bambiamba came out of his room. And there was only one thing said to Wembeamba. One of the adults said, hey, have a good game out there, big fella. Wembe Yamba does not acknowledge them, of course, because he's a big-time NBA player and they're just regular people. Well, slightly above regular people. But he walks away.

Ten minutes later, there's a knock on their hotel room door and they're told to leave. And the adult guys, Ron and Phil, said, leave. Why? Well, because you're harassing our guests. And they said, what the hell are you talking about? We haven't harassed anybody. We said, hey, have a good game, big fella, and that was it. No, no, you got to go. So when Beamba went down and bitched that he was being harassed. Oh, God. According to their story. Now, they said to the Ritz Carlton people, they said, watch the security video. You know, there's videos all over

a joint like that. Sure. Watch it. You can see that we didn't, and they said, no, videos, that's not working. The security video isn't working. Ron and Phil don't believe a word of that. They're going to take the Ritz Carlton to court or whatever.

They've gotten a lawyer, and the lawyer says, I will get that video to prove that you guys did nothing wrong. You're going to get your money back. But they're pissed off. The kids that were there were big Wembaamba fans. Wimba yami? The kids were torn up over this.

I bet. And pissed off. The kids ended up burning their Wemba Jersies. Or at least they asked their, Daddy, can I burn the jersey? And he said, maybe don't burn the jersey. But so, I don't know. I think this kid might be a puke bag. I hope he is.

But again, if he's trying to be that puk bag just to play the heel, then I'm kind of stuck in limbo. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I mean, if he was a dick to kids, if he was a dick to little kids just to be a dick to little kids, I kind of have a certain amount of respect for that. You like that kind of thing. Yeah, I do. I do. I always have.

That's just how I'm wired. So there's that little story going along with all the other stuff now. Jesus. I've seen some stories out there about how people, some New York people made a ton of, or some really smart New York people. I should say, made a ton of money. off of selling their tickets. But they had the foresight in advance to buy them, you know, right when they made it to the finals, if you're following this.

Okay, I saw one story online where somebody bought four tickets for $4,000 apiece as soon as the Nitz made it to the finals. But he had the full, I read this story, there was a big article on it. He had the full intention of reselling the tickets. He resold those tickets for $16,000 a piece right before he. being three. Wow. So he made about $50,000 off of that smooth little transaction. Dang.

There's all kinds of stories out there about that. That sounds nice. Here's a text message that says Chris Paul is supposedly mentoring Victor Wemba Yamba. That's why he's turned into a douche. Oh, God. The cone, Cubby. Yeah, he's a cone.

The return of the cone. He's a cone. Carl Anthony Town celebrated his NBA title with one of his former Minnesota Tim. well, teammates. Apparently, there were photos going around the godless, soulless and wildly misinformed internet. There were photos of Carl FaceTiming. Is that how you say it, Josh, with Anthony Edwards, and they had a good time. And when Carl was interviewed after the game, he made all kinds of shoutouts to his teammates in Minnesota and talked about how they made him a better player. And he's forever grateful for them. I'm very happy for Carl. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, I mean, if you would have said the Knicks will win game five and Kat will score two points, play 23 minutes. I would have said that's a very difficult ask. But that's what happened. Kat hardly played game five. Yeah, he had some problems with the fouls. Yeah. Josh? Yes.

It's time for us to say goodbye to the next. National Basketball Association. You say it. We'll check in on you from time to time. Goodbye. That's it. By the way, the WNBA continues on.

The Portland Club. I'm not sure what they call their club. They're playing tonight against the links here in town. Portland, Minnesota. I think they're a new expansion team. This is their first year. Are they brand new?

I think so. The Portland Fire. The Fire. Yeah. Spend a long time on that one. Yeah, that was a think tank. Everybody. Hey, throw them out there, boys.

No such thing is a bad idea. Wind. No, no. Another relevant. They'll make fart jokes. We can't be the wind. Well, let's see. Our town got set on fire a few years ago.

There we go. That's a good one. Fire's not good in Portland. There's a lot of trees up there. Yeah. Oh, before we, before we bid goodbye to another sport, staying with basketball,

the barn, beloved Woolam Arena, got a new name. The barn is now the official name of the building now formerly known as Woola Marina. And a sponsor has jumped into the mix, so Willa Marina is now known as the Barn, supported by Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Minnesota.

We'll not be called that. We all know that. We all know that. I mean, come on. That just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? They will call it Williams Arena. Of course they will. And most people who go to the hockey games in St. Paul

still call it the X. I'm sorry. I've never called it anything. I still don't know the name of the... What is it now? Grand Casino. Oh, Grand Casino. Is that it, Josh?

Yep. Some people call them the G-spot. Yeah, there you go. A lot of people call it the G-spot. What? G-G-spot. Oh, no. Well, that means most men won't be able to find it.

I've been here before, I think. This looks familiar, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I know what's around here. Well, you can put your finger on it, for Christ's sake. If you can find it. If you can find it. Blue Cross and Blue Shield, I guess I've been a big sponsor for years already, this, that, so. And this is not an NIL deal either.

This is just a straight naming rights deal for the arena. I remember like 2009. It was a little undervalued. I was looking at them, I'm sorry, Dana. I was looking at the deal. It's 10 years, 17 million. It seems a little undervalued to me. I don't know.

But don't you think, Brad, that this is a hard sell for golf fans. You know, I think Blue Cross is hoping that they'll be able to get some mileage out of it. But that probably... They're paying. They're basically probably paying for the signage that they're going to get on the outside of the arena. Like 3M is getting at Mariucci. Of all the arenas we have in town, of all the destination spots for sports in town, it is the one place that you, it's almost impossible for people to know it by anything other than Williams Arena or the barn. You can't add anything more to it.

For 76 years, it's been Williams Arena. So you're not going to get people to change what they call it in one or two or even five years. But people have called it the barn also for decades and decades and decades. And it was always Williams Arena to me until Clem Haskins came in. Now it's Willam. Clem did not like to, he did not like to pluralize things. Didn't like guesses. No.

And I loved it so much when he said Willem Arena. Clem Haskin. That's right. Speaking of these new stadium names, I'll never forget the time in like 2009, 2010 that era where the Vikings PR team sent an intern into the media room to meekly go, just a reminder, guys, please refer to it as Mall of America Field at Metrodome. That never happened either. And then we all just look at them and big jerk off motions over our heads.

I don't think I've ever heard anyone call it. No. Only in Vikings press releases. No. The best part about that was the PR intern. impression that you just gave. I know that kid. Squeaky voice college kid, intimidated by all the veteran writers. Yeah, that would suck.

You got Willem Arena, you got the X, you got the old metrodome, the new metrodome. All right, the National Hockey League season is over. They're going to take a couple weeks to themselves. And then the 20 and 26, then 27 preseason games kick in short. formerly the Hartford Whalers won their second Stanley Cup. They finished off the Vegas Golden Knights in six games. Last night they were able to pitch a shutout.

Two nothing was the final score. Of course, I'll say it one last time for the hockey season. Three nothing, if you believe, in empty net goals. Yeah. How about the Hurricanes goaltender? Yeah. With an out of nowhere. How about their defensive effort, period, last night?

I watched most of that game. Vegas didn't have a shot. I think they had zero. I was not my goal for about a 15 to 18. Yeah, a stretch. Yeah. 20 minutes stretch. I mean, they were talking about what, Jacob Slavin.

Is that his name? Slavin. He was. Slavin, I think it is. I can't remember. He was amazing. When they showed some isolation videos of the things that he does on the defensive end, it was phenomenal last night.

And that was the club that, that was the club that people expected to see. in this series. Yeah. North Carolina was... Not with that goaltender, though. No. North Carolina...

Not a bad six-month stretch for that defenseman you were just talking about. He won the Olympic medal. He was on the Olympic medal. He was on the Olympic team, and now he wins a Stanley Cup. That was mentioned last night.

Slavin is the first NHL player, I believe. Well, maybe American. I can't remember. Yeah. I think it was the first one in a long time. Well, Ken Morrow.

I can't remember if it was the first. It can't be all Olympic players. So let's go with this. He's the first American hockey player, NHL player, to win the Stanley Cup and Olympic gold in the same season since Ken Morrow. That's correct. 1980, Ken Morrow.

But this goaltender, Brandon Bussie, dude got thrown into the mix in game three. No one knew who the hell this kid was. And he turned the series for his club. And he claims a shutout. in the deciding game. That's pretty cool. Yeah, he was phenomenal. Didn't have to face a lot of shots last night, though, but he was phenomenal.

There was a few where he was, there was a couple of situations where he was truly scrambling and made some terrific stops. Jordan Stahl, Kahn Smyth Trophy, as the most valuable player. A lot of emotions coming from the hurricane players when it was all said and done. Vegas looked to more or less run out of gas the last couple of games. They looked tired last night. They did. Like the second period on, they looked exhausted and did not make the plays that they needed to make.

And, you know, there were some guys that really underperformed for Vegas in this Stanley Cup finals. You know, some guys that. Jack Eichael. Jack Eichael comes to mind. I mean, he had a lot of great opportunity. He rang the post last night. The dude was out there for every power play and he was pumping, but he just could not. Yeah, Mitch Marner didn't do much for him last night.

I mean, they just seemed. to run out of gas. And they were talking about it last night, too, that Carolina had closed out series and had a lot of rest time in between series, right? They had a lot of time where they took breaks during the playoffs. And Vegas didn't have that opportunity. They were going six games, seven games, whatever. So that does play a factor in all of that. Rod Brendamore. The Hurricanes led by head coach Rod Brendamore. Rod the Rod, they call them. Medical device Jesus, again, with this,

Michigan State guy sent me a picture of Rod Brendamore, I believe, when he was in college. Did Rod Brendamore go to Michigan State? Anyway, it's hard to believe it was the same guy. Hard to believe it's the same guy. Josh, look that up. Look that up from Medical Device Jesus. I saw the picture, yeah. That can't be the same guy. Captain of the last Canes Club to win the cup back in 2006.

Now he gets to celebrate as the winning coach of the same club. He gets his beautiful French-Canadian name etched onto that cup for a second time. North Carolina had lost in the conference final twice in the past three years. But they got over that old hump, as they say, and now they're going to remain intoxicated for days on end. Rod the Bod did play a year at Michigan State. See that picture? Yeah. Boy, you can tell when he was wearing a cage and when he was not.

They're going to stay drunk for days While fighting their way through mountains of college age blondes Vegas had a hell of a run Cubby it's time to say goodbye to the NHL Goodbye NHL We're checking on you from time to time Goodbye Randy Shaverer we better get to that soccer schedule before you

Wait a second Let me put my head down We got to get to the soccer. You're going to wet yourself if we don't. Is that current? Yeah, that's from the final goal of the USA game there. Oh, yeah, let's get to that. Team USA beat something Agway.

Paraguay. Which Agway was it? The pear variety. It was pair of guay? Both of them, yes. Paraguay. Can you find, Josh, I know this isn't always easy for her, but can you find Rio,

nah, nah, nah, Esego de Rio, na, nah, na, sego de Rio, na, na, nah, I guess if we still have. From many years ago.

Many, many years ago. Team USA beat one of the Aguays on Friday night. Their next match will be against the Australians. What is this? Friday at 2 o'clock. Why is there so many days in between?

I don't know, because it's soccer. There's 48 teams this year. They've got to go to a different city, too. I think they're playing this one in Seattle. Correct. See, I know my soccer. You do. Oh, here we go.

That's about what it sounded like. So that was a mash-up of that goal call and my long orgasm. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing. Not the Rams quarterback, Jesus, suggested we do that. That's wonderful. The Norwegian soccer team. Oh, here we go. Stubborn.

Well, no, no, no. It's not as bad as the Swedes. all stubborn the Norwegian soccer team shipped their own food to the World Cup because they don't like what we got going over here I don't blame them

they did not trust that their players would adjust to American cuisine and they did not want to risk any terrible diarrhea issues that would be funny though while they're trying to win the soccer tournament they don't like what we got going over here

what Christ almighty what's the problem you can't go to a burger king The internet has been loving, though, photos from posts from foreign people who are Europeans in America for the first time, like at a waffle house. And they're like, this is the greatest thing I've ever tasted my entire life. Yeah, they usually love our food over here. These Norwegians can't go to a taco Johns? Yeah, one Japanese fan went viral because he was just blown away. He went and sat down at a Mexican restaurant and they bring out an order of chips and salsa.

And he's like, but I haven't ordered anything yet. What if I don't order anything? They're just trusting me that I'm going to order and they're giving me this gift of bottomless chips. Like they're blown away by this concept. I don't want to be associated with anybody who thinks they're too good for Burger King and Taco Johns. So F the team from Norway.

I hope they get diarrhea anyway. Right, Josh? You want to be associated with somebody who thinks they're too good for Burger King? No, not at all. And that's what I thought at first when I saw the headline, but then when I read, they'd prefer not to have diarrhea in like the biggest game of their career. I understand.

Remember when we were kids, when our ball club would take a team trip to Burger King or something? We'd come uncorked. Or Dairy Queen? Dairy Queen. Oh, yeah. God, that was the best. The Argentina men soccer team's fan base, so Argentinians, I guess, Argentinian soccer fans were voted the most attractive of all the World Cup countries involved in this nightmare.

Yeah, I guess when they do those compilations of hot babes and soccer games, you always do see a lot of Argentinian women. The Argentinians are the best-looking. The pictures, they associated with this article, that they have a point, I'd say. In second place, the second hottest soccer fan group here that's now in the States, right, for this dopey tournament. They say, get a look at them damn Brazilian fans. They say they're good-looking, too. Oh, yeah, you love Miss Bum-Bum.

You are the number one Miss Bum-Bum-Bum fan. I would love before I die if they invited me to come out there and be a judge for the Miss Bumb Bum set up. Do you know they have Bum Bum Cream? Yeah. You told us about the dozen your wife use that? Yeah. My wife uses Miss Bum Bum Cream. Yeah, you ever get any on your face?

Nope. She doesn't allow that. And he doesn't mean by applying it to his own face. I think I know what he means. That's not allowed in our household. What? I've begged. There's no salads?

No. So when you drive to work in the morning, you've never looked in the rearview mirror and said, oh, Christ, I got bum bum cream on my face. No. That's a dream of mine. I got a little hanging from my mustache. Not even for my 50th birthday, nothing. Got a little caught up in my goatee.

Oh, man. Oh, we Americans are supposedly the third best-looking group at this soccer tournament. Right here. I can see that. The United States of a... Apparently, this is a true. story. Now, I'll probably continue to take a massive deuce all over this soccer

tournament most of the time, because it's a massive soccer tournament. What am I supposed to do? Take it seriously? But this has put a whole new paint job on this. Vacation Jesus texted in earlier. And he said, Josh, maybe you didn't see this. This is very exciting. James Winston,

one of me and Cubby's favorite all-time football players. James Winston is helping out with the World Cup coverage? Yes. People are loving it, too. Well, I I can imagine he's such a funny. Just a very likable person. He's a likable guy.

And he's gone all in on it too. What do you mean all in? Well, he's just having a blast doing it. You know, you can tell he's really enjoying it. Cam Newton involved at all? Oh, God. Superman. James Winston is, I got to look this up.

Maybe I'll catch it tonight on my television. The Japanese soccer team, they have a tradition where their fans, they clean up the stadium after the game. They pick up all the trash. Oh, is that a tradition? I saw they did that. Yeah. I didn't know this is a tradition.

Tradition, yeah, it's very cool. And James Winston was helping clean up the stadium after the game. Yeah, he was out there. I love that guy. Me too. I think he's just cute. That's a good way to put it. He's cute.

All right, so Friday at 2 o'clock, Team USA is back at it, Randy. See you guys at Brits. Yeah. I love that place. Does that play still get just nuts to butts? Oh, yeah. I think on Friday the match was at 8. I think they were at capacity by 5 p.m.

I worked there one summer, and they warned me that soccer was taken seriously in that bar, and I was like, how serious can it be? Like, it's a bar in Minneapolis, Minnesota. And I was like, oh, yeah, there's a lot of people here. And I didn't know anything. Like, they all have, like, their own little, like, chance and stuff. I was so confused. Hand me a Guinness and a Vuvu Zela.

So lost. I thought they banned those here. They did. Oh, why? Yeah. I don't know. They just didn't like them. Wait a minute.

You can't walk around. anywhere's in this town blowing into a voo-oh in the stadiums oh they take it from the time they try to walk in if i'm on the sidewalk i can blow into a voo-vozela can't i all i want maybe it'll be public god that was fun if i worked at a bar every time i got a tip i'd blow into a voo-vozela for three four minutes straight just everyone knows that i made a little extra twins won two out of three in their weekend series with the st louis Cardinals. Yeah. Ryan Kreidler came up with an RBI double off the center field wall in the eighth inning.

That scored our guy, Lukie Kishal, and the Twins got a 5-4-comeback win. Criedler also had a pinch-hit single earlier in the game that tied to some bitch. Victor Keratini, two-run Dongsky. And Crider wasn't just pimping at the plate. He made a great stop. That short stop in the ninth to get a Cardinal batter at first base. Byron Buxton had three hits for the twins. Jesus.

Royce Lewis, one for three. He's batting over 200 now. Oh, my God. And he hit cleanup yesterday. Things have changed. The twins now move on to Arlington, Texas. Mike Parades will make his second major league start tonight. Bullpen game.

It's a bullpen game? I don't think Parides is going to go more than two innings. Well, that's too bad. We keep talking about how the AAL is kind of a hodgepodge mess. I was just looking at this too. Every single team, every single team in the American League is within six games that will playoff spot. That's crazy. I mean, every team.

We're almost to July, and every team is within range. Yeah, it's a close race so far. Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Jacob Mizoroski. Here you go, Randy Shaver. Loosven up your fly a little bit. I love it. Oh, boy. Sorry.

It's just a little bit. It's natural. It was kind of a premature Mizoroski struck out Kyle. A premature Missouri Missouri. He struck out Kyle Schwerber

the other day on 104.5 mile per hour fastball. God, the guy's amazing. I hope his arm doesn't fall off. It's going to. It'll fall off. It will. This was the fastest recording. pitched thrown by a starting pitcher

in Major League. Yeah, they started tracking that a few years ago. 104.5 miles per hour. Gloria. I think we're going to see for the All-Star game, which is about a month away,

we're going to see a whole slew of new young players making the All-Star game. Guys that you probably haven't heard of before that are going to get an opportunity to to play in that game just because there's so many guys that are off to great starts that are playing, you know, big time baseball. It's going to be kind of fun, actually, to see.

Particularly pitchers, I think, because the way they pitch, the way they picked the pitching staff is different than how they pick the position players. And you're going to see more pitchers that we haven't seen before, I think. Certainly the starters, for sure. I mean, you're going to see guys like Davis Martin. is going to make the All-Star game. Gavin Williams. Mike Soroka is having a great year for Arizona. Jose Soriano, who, like, the first four or five games of the year, had an ERA below 0.50.

That's how good he was. Kyle Harrison is having an amazing year for Milwaukee. You know, Mizoroski, obviously. There's just so many guys. Max Meyer is going to make the All-Star team, I think, from Miami, the kid for. Minnesota. He's having a great year. I still do enjoy the all-star

game by damn I do. It's going to be fun. You guys have a good day, Randy and Brad. We'll see you later. 9.3. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh.

That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Hapts podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes

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Full Send Golf, part of the Full Send podcast. All right, the Full-Send Golf channel. I was like, let's go to the range. Then fell in love with it. This pot is about to be crazy. I don't even know what's going to happen. Join the party on the golf course. You guys know how much I really, really love golf.

All right, we got two pots to break 80 here. Get it there, right? You wouldn't want it any other way, brother. These are the ones we practice. Go, go, go. Yeah! Oh, let's go. Let's go.

80's broke. Yeah, even though it's from Reds. It's just like a boy's scrap. Full-sent golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Dr. P. Jesus. The 93X. Half-assed Morning Show. Welcome back.

folks. Yes, we heard the heavy breathing in the microphone. Sorry, I just didn't feel like acknowledging it. Sometimes it's better just to ignore it. Yes, we heard the heavy breathing when we were talking with Randy. For the thousandth time, we have no money. Our equipment is garbage. There's nothing we can do about it. Right, Cubby? It was a little much today, but I understand. Not a damn thing we can do. Randy has a headset, Mike. So the microphone is right in front of his mouth, and I think he forgets that. Where we can kind of back away. He eats it sometimes. Sometimes heavy breathing can be a sign of a medical condition. Here's a guy who knows all about various ailments and what you might want to do to straighten things out. Dr. P. Jesus joins the program. Hello, James. Hey, great to be here. Yeah, you don't want to be short of breath or anything approaching that. Finally, dude, I've been waiting for you to come in here. Uh-oh, you've been having problems? Yeah, I got something going on and I don't want to go to the doctor because that costs money.

Well, now, Ashley, this segment is actually dedicated to our listeners' health issues. I mean, if you want to just jump in front of all with you. I'm going to diagnose you with selfishitis. I have a weird rash, though. That's kind of fun. So, yeah, I have like a rash all over my torso. Oh, my God. It's like these tiny little bumps.

Bump, bump, bump, bump. And it's like around surrounding my armpits. It's not in my armpits, but it's like around my shoulders. It's very itchy. And I noticed that it looks like my son also has. it. My husband does not. He does not. He's not itchy. He's got no dots anywhere. Well, now, can you speed this up? Because the first listener that texted in is hemorrhaging right now, blood everywhere, he says. But you go ahead. No, they can wait. They can wait. They're fine.

Okay, this guy. Hey, dude, the dude who's hemorrhaging, just give it a minute. Actually, put some pressure on it. Pressure on the hemorrhage until we get to you. Yeah. Pressure on the hemorrhage. Yeah. So, do I have scabies or like what's going on here? Probably not. Has he been, has the little fellow been sick lately with a cold or anything? No. Has he been with any strange women?

Oh. I don't think so. Right. Is he going out and staying out late? I don't know what he does when I'm at work. I mean, we could look at the rash at some point here. That would be helpful. Don't have to quite do that yet.

We'll ease into it. But a lot of times viral illnesses with little kids will come with a rash that adults can have as well. I mean, things like eczema is not something that's contagious or anything scabies would be really. unlikely. I thought for sure I had fleas or something. I mean, have you seen anything jumping over you or crawling on you? I don't think so. Now I'm itchy. Now I'm super itchy talking about it. Skabies, you know, most commonly is on the hands or in between the fingers on the arms. But we can take a look. I told Josh about this last week. I was like, dude, something's going on.

It's like, I got a rash everywhere. You're going to get a checkout during the commercial break. Check up however you say it in the business during the commercial break. I'm going to get completely naked. Yeah, Josh is going to leave the room. I'm just going to leave now. I don't want to catch... Right, exactly. Something like that.

We'll take a look. Dr. P. Jesus. Now, this sounds very serious. A listener has texted in to say, I had an abnormal mammogram. Right upper quadrant mass. I have to follow up. An ultrasound has been scheduled.

Should I be concerned? Well, I mean, Yes, you should be concerned. Clearly, it's something you want to follow up on. I mean, mammograms are a screening tool. So that means they are the way they're done and the way they're read is trying to identify anything that could be bad or a problem. So that means a fair amount of the time it's not something that is cancerous. It's something that is benign, but at least it's caught and it's evaluated.

So until you've had an ultrasound and probably a biopsy, usually they do, it can kind of do that that same day, depending on what they see. You'll get a lot of information fast. I mean, it is, it's one of those things that causes a lot of anxiety for folks, which is sort of the drawback of screening tests like that. I mean, we want to find things early, you want to find them and treat them. but because of the way screening tests are designed, there are a lot of false positives. So hopefully this is some sort of, you know, a benign growth or something that's at least easily treated, removed.

Obviously, you should be concerned, but, I mean, doesn't necessarily mean... It doesn't mean you need to, you know, finish your will and say goodbye to everyone. Yeah. I mean, truly, you know, I think people, but obviously, yeah. People need to hear that, too. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's... My wife's had a scare or two.

Yeah, and it's actually really, really common. Again, that's one of those things with screening tests that, you know, I'm not sure that gets taken into account necessarily in the recommendations that are out there. And obviously, everyone can kind of decide for themselves. But I think it's generally accepted that, you know, for most women having a mammogram every two years, basically, is the right thing to do. some more frequently. And yeah, you just need to follow up. Right. So I hope it works out.

Sure. Hope it works out well and it's something that's easily dealt with. And by the way, a text just came in and said, wait, is the dude still hemorrhaging? He got himself to the hospital. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Thanks for throwing us off.

Good point. Sorry, sorry about that. He got himself to the hospital, the hemorrhaging dude. He's in good hands as we speak. Or it stopped at least. Coming right out of his neck. Oh, no. Yeah.

Eventually it does stop. Yeah. At death? Yeah, all bleeding stops eventually. Upon death? That's one of those mottoes from med school, all bleeding stops eventually. Yeah, it'll stop.

Yeah, don't worry. Dumbass Welder Jesus, he's 32, and he thinks he has carpal tunnel in his hands. How do I go about getting that looked at and what goes along with urgery for something like that? Okay. So carpal tunnel symptoms, just to state that,

is related to pressure on the median nerve, which goes down through the wrist, sort of through the wrist bones, and it just gets kind of trapped in there. And you typically will get symptoms in your thumb, first finger, middle finger, and the middle finger side of the ring finger. It's a very unique or very specific distribution of tingling. It can be pain or it can be literally weakness in that whole area. And it's really common. I mean, depending on how long it's been going on and how classic the symptoms are,

sometimes you don't need testing, but if there's any doubt, then the testing that gets done is called an EMG, which is not a fun test, but they basically are testing the nerve function, nerve and muscle function. What makes it not fun? Well, because they have to use needles that sort of just the process of having the needles put in is not fun, but then they also kind of use a little electrical stimulation to, again, and assess the nerve function. Right now, Josh is saying, wait a minute, they use needles on something other than my penis.

I've had a needle in the penis. He has. He's had a needle right to the old brajola. Ooh. Yeah, that's not good. Now I can't stop. But, yeah, you know, you can start. If you have a primary care doctor, that's the place to start.

Carpal tunnels. I've heard it's very painful. Oh, yeah. My mom's got it. She's got like all these wristbands. Yeah. Uh-huh. So that's the thing. There are conservative treatments that can help.

And honestly, a little wrist splint that basically prevents you from, you know, flexing your wrist down, particularly when you sleep. Because we, you know, we all kind of go fetal position when we sleep and it presses that nerve. And a lot of people will get symptoms at night. So sometimes just using one of those and honestly doing some physical therapy with a hand therapist, a lot of people can, you know, get by with it. If it's to the point where you've got numbness all the time, you've got weakness that's getting. worse. You know, then it's an orthopedic hand surgeon that typically would do it. The surgery itself, I actually had it last October, and it was, these days, it's often done in the office, literally, like not in the surgery center. Right in the lobby? Almost. I mean, you, you had carpal tunnel?

I did. I remember that. You had the, all that kind of stuff. I did. No, no, totally. And I've had it on both hands, but, but the right was really bad from the broasted chicken. I mean, it was actually good that I did that. Wait a minute, you didn't eat broasted chicken and then turned up with carpal tunnel. Right. I rubbed broasted chicken on my wrists and I got carpal tongue. Last year, and we're doing another one of these this summer. Well, I'll be good shape for it. Last year we had a charity chicken broost at the Wise Adelae Legion and Dr. P was using the tongs.

I was tonging chicken over and over again handing people carcass. And you think that was kind of the cause of it? You know, it wasn't the cause. I'd had it for years. Oh, but it just really set it off. Irritated. So it was actually good because I needed to get it dealt with. And I was hesitant to proceed with surgery. Well, not the Rams QB.

Jesus said that he had the surgery and it's the best thing he ever did. No, I say the same. I mean, it's great. Good for you guys. It was so weird to think about doing it in the office, but they use local anesthetic. And they don't even sedate you. And it's just sort of like, okay, here we go. Boom, boom, and it's over.

No, it's great. What's your love life after that, better? Oh, totally. Yeah. My right hand is like, unstoppable. Oh, no. That's disgusting. Insatiable, even.

Yeah. Come down, baby. Dr. P. Jesus is here making masturbation jokes. Dr. P. Jesus. One more quick question before we take a break. Yes. Does this sound like ringworm to you? And it's described as two red circles on one leg for three years.

Okay? Two red circles that look like. ringworm perpendicular to each other on one leg for three years. The dermatologist says it's nothing. Does that sound like ringworm? I would say that's probably not. Ringworm is fungus and, you know, it will evolve over time. Snake bite?

Maybe some scars from a snake bite. That would be a cool story. Vampire? That would be a cool story. So ringworm. So ringworm does evolve. It'll change shape, change size. Oh, okay.

Usually get worse or sometimes just go away. So if it's the same appearance for three years, it's likely not ringworm. Right. Okay. I'm not sure what it would be. What the hell do you do? Yeah, sit down on a stove or something with the burners or something. Didn't one of us do that?

Who sat down on a stove? I did. I sat down on sauna coals. Oh, yeah, yeah. I still, I wonder, it's been a while since I've really investigated the damage it did. I wonder if I still have a scar. I had one the summer. Well, Dr. P is going to check.

Check you out. Dr. P's going to check out your bumps here. When we go to break, you can check out your sauna rock scar and see how that is going. It's a good name of a band. We got it. Yeah, it is. Sona rock scar. Yeah. Sona rock. Hi, everybody. Hi. Dr. P. Jesus. Welcome to the half-assed morning show for 93X. Dr. P. Jesus is here. He's here to help. A few more questions have made their way from our terrific listening audience through our text machine. and to you, Dr. P. One of them goes like this here. What did I have set aside? Just learned that I have a mass in my lungs.

I had a PET scan. I'm meeting a pulmonologist tomorrow. Now, the listener says this happened in 2017 and 2023, and they were both fungal. Now, they still need to rule out cancer, but why does this keep happening? Fungal infections in the lungs? Well, that's interesting.

Yeah, we don't see that all that much here in other parts of the country, including the Southwest, like Arizona, the Ohio River Valley. Could they be vaping swamp water? Right. That's got to be it. You know, that looks pretty murky. Maybe you shouldn't be breathing. I mean, to me, it sounds like something, this is just a completely, obviously, a completely unprofessional opinion. It sounds like something you might catch from sleeping in a moldy basement or something.

Yeah, it's just in certain areas there are fungi that are like airborne or on things that can easily be breathed in. And so I'm surprised they hadn't. I would think they would have identified the organism previously if he's been through this. A couple times. because I would think they would have had to do a biopsy to absolutely determine that it was fungal and then hopefully done a course of treatment. That's freaky. But those things can be really difficult to absolutely eliminate.

Yeah, I mean... By the way, here's another listener who says he's had the same thing happen. He's going in for a PET scan on Friday. I've had a lot of tests. They're still scratching their heads. Yeah. I mean, we have... Modern medicine is sort of crazy. I mean, we have lots of tests.

We have amazing imaging tests, but at some point, they're still kind of shadowy, you know, images of things that are difficult to define. And there's sort of a long list of things that can be a shorter list of things that they probably are. But you still have the only way to really know is to either have something surgically removed or have, you know, a biopsy done, a needle. put in it and either grow it or look at it under a microscope or whatever they need to do to determine what it is. Sounds awful. Yeah. Yeah. Was I even close on the moldy basement thing? Well, it's, I mean, it's the same idea. I remember I grew up, Josh and I grew up in with houses with just wet, damp, terrible. And I remember I set my bedroom up in that basement for a few years.

And my friends would come down and be like, dude, how do you sleep down here? How do you hang out down here? Because it was so moldy and wet. Yeah. Yeah. From sixth grade to when I moved out, when I was, I don't know, 19 or 20,

I had the basement bedroom. It was disgusting. Yeah, I mean, right. It is, hey, that's black mold. Right. Yeah, my brother has the basement, or had the basement bedroom. So, yeah, it's possible.

I mean, you know, we breathe in. particulate things. Yeah. Whether it's fungus, whether it's, you know, little bits of insulation, whether it's whatever. So, brown lung. Some people get brown long. Oh, boy, state fair is bad for that. We'll tell you about that.

They don't say if this is a gentleman or a lady. I had an emergency hysterectomy three weeks ago. Nobody? Yeah, I'm going to go with dude. Yeah, it says his right in there. I had five blood transfusions because my hemoglobin was 4.8. I got out of the hospital, took 65 milligrams of iron per doctor's orders, quit taking it after a week because my joints hurt so bad.

How long does this pain last? What can I do so it doesn't hurt so bad? From dirt track racing, shezes. Wow. Do iron supplements cause your joints to hurt? Not that I think of, but... I have not heard that before. I mean, being massively anemic can give you all sorts of symptoms.

So presumably there was, well, you know, it could have been two different things. There could have been massive blood loss during surgery or post-operative that can get you that low. Sometimes women will have, you know, really severe dysfunctional uterine bleeding that can get them quite anemic. So that would lead up to the need for surgery. What does 4.8 hemoglobin mean? I mean, that's like basically your blood. You got about a third of your blood, essentially. Because it should be more like 12.

Bless you. Bless you. God, dang. Fungal infection. There were no survivors. Oh, wow. You were saying, I'm sorry. I couldn't reach my mute button before I erupted.

I can't remember anything. I can't see anything. Your hair blew back. Yeah, who. And who the hell am I? Yeah, so that's pretty darn low. Boy, and I don't have to look it up for next time, I guess. I don't think of iron supplements as causing joint pains.

I mean, it's sort of notorious for causing some gut ache, especially higher dose iron. Helicopter fixer-or-O-Sheza said large doses of iron can cause hemochromatosis, which causes joint pain? Does that sound right to you? I mean, hemocropatosis is a condition where you basically are, it's an iron storage disease. So you're basically storing iron in

various organs that, and that happens over a long period of time. It wouldn't happen quickly. Well, I don't think it's not happening from the iron supplementation. It's an interesting thought. And maybe it is a possible side effect, which obviously anyone

can look up really quickly, quicker than I can right now. But, I mean, you do need to be on some iron to, well, unless for hemoglobin is normal. Because after five units of blood is a lot of blood. I mean, that's, you know, each one maybe gets your hemoglobin up a point or a point in a half. But yeah, you normally need some iron replacement if you've been that in need.

Half me. By the way, someone texted in, Josh and I were joking around about our horrible upbringing, being forced to live in wet, damp, insect-infested. rodent-infested basement because our folks couldn't go out and get a real job. Someone texted in and said, growing up in squalor actually makes for a great immune system. I would probably not wrong.

I mean, I think there is something to do that. By the time we were 10, we had inhaled every horrible thing and ingested every bug in town. Squalor, that's a good word. Squalor, Cudley. Well, you've been very helpful as usual, Dr. Pete. Yeah, great to be here. Great questions.

Yeah. Yeah. And I hope everything works out for everyone who texts it in today. Yeah. Get her done. Get her done. Yeah. Thanks, Dr. P.

Bye. Chaos coordinator, Sheezis, texts in a shout out to her husband's sexy man beast, Jesus. And happy belated birthday to rug-burnt nipples, Jesus. Oh. Ouch. From Sackie Sackie Sack-Magee. Sack-Megie. Sack-M-Gee.

Sack-M-Gee. This has gone, it's gone too far now. We got a someone out there who wants to be known for their saggy sack. That's right. You've created a monster cubby. I did nothing of the sort. He's a bonoer machine, by the way. Stop it.

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