93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Hogbauer's Automotive

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

Originally Aired June 16, 2026: There ARE laws when drinking White Claws. Russian ruff-lette. Everything you wanna know about being *slightly* above average. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hope everyone's doing great. Let's start with you, Josh. Me, what did I do? I got something for you for start. Oh, no. No, no, this is fun. Are you nervous? A little bit, yeah.

I got something for you, for starters. First, a question, and I think I know how you'll answer this. Would you say you're an average person? Would you say above average, below average? Where would you go with that? Are you the average some bitch? Above below? Average at best, probably.

That's what I'm. thought you were going to say. Just overall, I mean, if we're looking at all the negatives and the positives, probably average to a little below average. I knew you'd said. I think you're above average. No, no, that's not. Maybe above average and some negative things, but I'd say just overall, the entire picture, average. Here's the deal. Here's where I'm going with this. What I have here, Josh, is a list of some things. Okay. Are you following this? so far? Yeah. I mean, you got a little detailed for me there, but sure. A list of some things. A list of some things. And Cubby, according to what I read this morning, if you can do nine

of the 20 things, you are average. Oh, it's scary. It's pressure. Now, knowing you as well as I do, I looked at the list and I found one, two, three, four. I found ten things that I'm fairly certain you are able to do. So confirm or deny real quick, if you would, Josh. I'm going to read for you the ten things on this list of 20 that I believe you can do.

Okay. And if you confirm all of these, then you are, not only average, but a notch above. Like I said, if you can do nine of them, your average, I think you can do. Let's start with this one. I believe that you can replace an electrical outlet. Oh, yeah, I've done it many times. All right.

That's impressive. It looks hard. I don't like electricity. That's scary. Electricity scares the hell out of me. Me too. It makes me so uncomfortable. I get nervous around the electricity.

Well, I have an outlet that I would love for you to replace. I'd be happy to. Josh, that would be really nice. I'd be happy to. I was shamed once by an electrician. who made fun of me because I turned the power off, which, you know, I thought you were supposed to do. Yeah, they got that frigging thing that they can stick in the thing,

even when the power's on, it can tell them if this is happening or that. They stick their thing in the thing. Yeah, he had a thing. Yeah. And then he told me, if you ever see an electrician turn the power off to replace a switch or an outlet, that's not the electrician you want. Yeah, I got a couple of electrician buddies, and they risk death at every turn.

Just to show off. They do. But better them than me. I've got a couple good shocks, especially when it comes to the changing the light switch. Yeah, you had, you didn't you stick your thumb in there and your whole beard exploded or something?

Oh, man, it was bad. And this was when I used to turn the circuit off, right? I never knew. I felt so stupid afterwards, of course, that there could be more, more than one circuit going to the exact same, like, multiple switches, right? So a couple of them, the circuit was off, and I went to the next one thinking, well, that controls all of them.

And I held it at the, like just the screws on the side, the worst places to put it. Yeah, I think that thing kept me there for 10 seconds, it felt like. I electrocuted myself once at home, and just as you described, the current held me there for a while. It's terrifying. There was nothing I could do. I was just at the mercy, whether it wanted to kill me or not on that day. It decided not to kill me on that day. It's a macabre mix of pain, feeling stuble.

stupid, you know, also the moment thinking, I'm going to die like this? Yeah. It's incredibly embarrassing. All right. We got one in the books. Again, if Cubby can do nine of these 20 things, he is average. I think, seeing how I looked at the list, I think you, you know how to do 10 of these things. Replace an electrical outlet by the dam? He said, sure, I can do that. Now, HVAC God Jesus said, don't ever trust anyone who doesn't take safety into consideration. He's an idiot, turn off the damn power. See, we got a whole different point of view now, don't we? I hear you.

As somebody who is not very skilled in this, I should do that. Electricity and gas scares the hell out of me, so I don't deal with either one. Okay, on the same level, reset a breaker, of course, you can. Yeah, we used to have the little screw-in ones growing up. Ours, too. They'd pop, and then you'd go running down into the basement and see if there's any spare fuses sitting around, right? Same gimmick.

All right. We've got two now. You know how to use a fire extinguisher, right? Yeah. You ever had to put out of fire? I have, yes. You have put out of fire? Yeah.

When did you put out? Was it sketchy? This is going to be good. Was it getting to a level where it was like, ah, this is very, very worrisome? Or was it kind of just a quick little? It went quickly. I mean, like it started from nothing and that it was. This was at a kitchen I worked in.

So you put out a, scary. You put out a fire with a fire extinguisher, not with a bucket of water or something. Unfortunately, for me, it was a little embarrassing. I ruined that person's birthday. I didn't realize there'd be that many candles on that cake. I covered the whole thing. Oh, no. That part was embarrassing.

But the fire was put out, one candle at a time. There you go. You know how to use a fire extinguisher. I guess I'd like to think I'd be able to figure it out, but I've never done one before. I used one once, and it was a lot of fun. Is it just kind of the way it looks? You pull the pin and clamp down on it? Relatively easy.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, mine wasn't like. Like I had a fire. It was just for the heck of it. I saw somebody do it at a strip club once, and unfortunately we were with them, and it was very embarrassing. He took that off the wall and decided he was the funny guy. Oh, no. I got hit right in the face with that fire extinguisher goo. A friend played a prank on us in high school.

How to taste. Right in the mug. Tasted kind of an extinguishery. Oh, I'll bet. You know how to write in legible cursive, do you not? You know what? I tried it not too long ago, and it took me a couple seconds. Write me a couple of words in Curf. Whatever your favorite words are, write them down real quick in cursive, and I'm going to grade your performance. I love writing and incursive.

We're going through some things here with Cubby to find out if he's average, below average, or above average. There's a list of 20 things, 20 tasks, I guess. If you can do nine of them, you are average. So far, Josh, one, two, three. He's got three of them are. already. The next is... Oh, I'm so excited to see it. The ability to write in legible cursive, so he's writing down a couple of words for me, and I'm going to grade it. I learned all about cursive, right, in grade school. I think I can put on a pretty good show. Okay, so Josh wrote down a couple of words for me. He wrote, well, this is just adorable. Oh, did he write, I love you? No, he wrote cream pie. No, I didn't. I would never. I would never.

write that. In cursive, he wrote, I did not write that. Oh, nice fancy cream pie. Take that back. He wrote, Daddy loves a good cream pie. No. No, he wrote, Josh loves you. And it's true. Sweet. And your cursive is

it passes. Oh, you could read that. Oh, of course. Let me see. Yeah, it's fine. So you can write in legible. Can you sharpen a knife? See, the, everything that I've highlighted here are things that I believe you can do. Sharpen a knife, okay? You know how to do that?

Oh, yeah, definitely. I hate those electric knife sharpeners. They're so loud. I've never used an electric because I'm afraid of electricity. Change a tire. Yes, I know to change a tire. Have you had that panic moment on the side of the road? On a buddy's car, not my own.

Yeah, yeah. I've changed a couple of tires. I don't enjoy the process. It wears me out. Even as a young person, it wore me out. But I've changed a couple of tires. This is an easy one for you. Because I've always said you are a terrific driver.

Parallel Park. Yes. Of course you can parallel park. I grew up in a neighborhood where you absolutely had to Parallel Park. I just did it over the weekend and it was just like, it was like butter. Baby, it was smooth. That's awesome. Yeah, it was like, okay.

You feel a sense of accomplishment. Especially if you look at the spot and think, well, there's no way I'm getting in there. Here's another task I believe you can do because you live in a garbage, broken house that you and your wife should have sold years ago. Can you patch up some dry walls? I can. Luckily, I have a lot of practice from a moron kid and his buddies. Can you start a fire? Okay, now we might be running into some trouble.

I've only done it once or twice. I mean, are you allowed to use all the kindling that's around newspaper, all that kind of stuff? In my book, absolutely. As long as you get that some bitch going, I don't care what you use. Because some people are good at using basically nothing to start a fire. I need a lot of stuff to get going.

We had a fireplace growing up, and I would kind of made fun of having fiery, floating newspaper parts around the living room because I use so much. I'm not going to be judgmental about that, so I'm going to count it. So you've already hit nine. You've already hit average. Nice. The last little task, I guess, that I highlighted, because I know that you can do this.

This is almost tailor-made for you because the last one I highlighted is play guitar. Yes, not very well, but sure, that was something I... You wanted to do. Stop playing around. I've seen you play guitar. You can do it very well. If you, if, I mean, you're not just sitting there doing smoke on the damn water. You can play guitar quite well.

So you are, Josh, above average. And you may even be higher. See, here are the tasks that I did not highlight because I'm not 100% sure that you know how to do them. Or care to do them. Like, for instance, so far you've gotten 10 out of 20. There are 10 more items on the list. This one, you tell us. I mean, I know the answer, but you tell us anyway.

Can you bait a hook and cast a fishing line? Now, I can. Casting, I really enjoy. Bating a hook, I can do, but why would I do that when my wife is there and she'll do it for me? I don't have to get my hands on anything, nothing like that. So should I count that one or not? Not. Let's not count it.

Like a half a point. We're not going to count it. Can you tie an advanced knot? No. What's in advance to knot? I don't even tie my shoes anymore. I get slip on shoes with like these laces that do nothing. Before when you did, did you do the bunny ears?

Yeah, I like the bunny ears too. And people make fun of me for that. No, that's a skill I've always wanted to learn, but I've been too lazy to try. A buddy of mine always says, if you don't know how to tie a knot, just tie a lot of them. That's what I do. Yeah, that's what I do. Okay, so we've found one that you do not have the ability to accomplish. Tie in advance knot.

As a boater, I have tried and tried and tried and tried to be one of those. Weepidi boop, boop. I tied the perfect knot at the dock type of a guy. You know, you got the cleats on your boat and you got the thing on the dock. I've tried. I'm just really challenged. with that. Isn't it impressive folks that can just tie?

Oh, here's this knot. Here's this, a million different knot. I mean, I can put on a tie, but I only know how to do it one way. It is impressive. I don't know. We were taught this in school. I mean, I was never a Boy Scout. What, in school?

That's cool. Yeah. I was never a Boy Scout or a Cub Scout, but we had classes in school. One of them was outdoor education where knots and Boy Scout, Cub Scout things came into play. But that was one of those classes where I barely. showed up. So anyway, where I'm going with this is, is damn, I've tried to be a precise knot tire as a boater. And I've gotten lucky a few times. I've nailed it a few times, but more often than not, I just tie multiple knots to make sure that boat's not going to go anywhere.

This is going to sound dirty, and I do not mean it to be whatsoever. But one of my aunts, she can tie a cherry stem with her tongue. She just puts it in her mouth and it comes out tied into knot. Yeah, I can double knot it. What, you can? Yeah. That's really impressive. When I was younger, I thought it was cool, so I practiced a lot. It is pretty cool. When we were little kids and she would do that, we were

she probably got so tired of us because we'd be like, do it again. All right, do it again. And you didn't have any idea that you should be turned on by that. No, it took me a while. That is impressive. That's like a magic trick in my book to be able to tie a knot with a cherry stem. Okay, I don't believe you're capable of this, Josh. I don't

believe that you can hit a bullseye in darts. because I've seen you throw. Oh, no, not at all. Okay. I'm happy if I hit the board. I know that you are not able to accomplish this. I mean, you can do it, but you tell us again. Again, this list is the average person can do nine of these 20 things.

Okay. So far, Josh, has already claimed 10. so you're already above average. Now we're checking with the things that I'm not so sure you can do. Okay, next on the list is comfortably speak in front of an audience. No, not at all. Even this job I get so nervous, and we've been doing it for a long time. Every morning, he's nervous, he's terrified, we've been doing it for 30 years.

I mean, I've seen you speak in front of live audiences, but you do not enjoy it. As a matter of fact, you have more or less told me you never want to do it again. No, not at all. That's Nick's job. The only time, you guys are great at it. Honestly, both. Oh, thank you. Dana and Ashley.

I absolutely hate it. I used to like it, but now I'm awkward and I don't know what to say. And then I ramble. I don't know. I mean, like, Dana, I've seen you do it plenty of times. That means you're perfect at it. No, thank you. I think you guys are, yeah, you guys do just fine.

One time I did a stage announcement and I got so nervous because I only thought I was doing one, then I had to do two. I didn't know what to say. and at the end I just like dropped the mic. And you ran away? Oh, they don't like when you dropped the mic. Yeah, and then I went up and went back and got the mic and was like, my bad. You literally dropped the microphone on the floor and ran away?

Yeah, well, it was like the end of me talking and I was like, yeah, woohoo. And just like dropped the mic and I was like, oh, wait, whoops, I need to go get that. That mic costs money. Essentially, yeah, but also awkwardness. It's been interesting because over the years, you and I have done so many concert announcements in different events like that where we speak in front of a live crowd. And you would go along with it. I could tell you didn't love it.

But a few years ago, you just pulled me aside and said, look, I'm not doing that anymore. I hate it. You know what the only times... You just won't do it. This is weird. So what has happened? Why, you would think that that would get easier, but instead it's gotten harder for you. Yeah, I don't know.

I wish I could explain, like, to the point where... Or did you just say to yourself, look, I've done it enough. I don't want to do it anymore. more. Maybe just I hate that feeling so much. I mean, I get nervous for times that I might have to do it. Yeah, I like something will come up and go, oh God, please don't make me get up there. Okay, so let's go through the rest of this list of things that I'm not so sure you can do. Again, you've already finished above average. So what does it hurt? I don't think you can bowl a strike.

Now, I have bowled a strike, but never, I can't ever say, yeah, I nailed it with this technique. All I do. Yeah, you just throw the ball down. I throw it as hard as I possibly can, as straight as I can. You know, it doesn't always work. Let's count that one. You can bowl a strike. But yeah, but I can't say like I've got a way to do it.

If I do it, I'm lucky. Okay. I'll show you how I bowl because I bowl kind of like I throw poorly. Oh, God. Oh, no. So I bowl like, sorry, this is the radio, but I know Nick is talented enough to describe it. All right. Josh is up in the he's mimicking a bowling.

ball in the poem of his right hand. He's sizing up the lane and the pin structure. I'm shaking off the calls from what would be a catcher. Your catcher is looking for a fastball. You said yes. Okay. Okay. That's aggressive. That is, you described it perfectly when you said you bowl like you throw a ball. And you were absolutely correct because do you know what was missing? Now, Josh just mimicked how he bowls, how he delivers a bowling ball. Do you know what's missing? What's that? Talent? Absolute. Absolutely zero follow-through.

Yeah, yeah. That's why you can't throw a football or a baseball because you don't understand the concept of the follow-through. From watching your bowling motion, same thing. You don't follow through. You stop. You come to a complete halt once the ball has... I don't know how to change it.

Once the ball has exited your hand, there's no follow-through. You're going to get yourself hurt bowling like that. Oh, dude, after I can't even bowl. Like, after the first game, I have to be done. I'm in so much pain. My bowling is such more leisurely. Leisurely. Whatever.

Here is something else I don't know for sure that you can do. Perfectly cook and egg. Are you much of a cook? I don't know that. My wife is very good at that. All right. Yeah, every time I cook. Eggs are easy.

Yeah, kind of. But for whatever reason, hers are so much better than I don't know what she does differently. I don't care. I just, I don't even try. I cook eggs so often. Well, my wife makes them, and so we have them a couple times a week, and I've tried on my own. You know, to the point where I remember as a kid telling my mom, like, oh, but you make the best mac and cheese. Sure, I could make it be yours.

But that was pure laziness. Right. With my wife, it's true. I can't do what she does. I don't get it. I can't perfectly cook an egg. I just kind of smash them down until they turn dark. Everything tastes better when somebody else makes it, too.

They do. Josh, earlier in this conversation, one of the one of the tasks that you should be able to do if your average was to where is it where is it change a tire

change a tire yeah and you said yes what about patch a tire I've never done that right I didn't even know you're supposed to do that anymore I mean on a bike sure but in a car I've never patched a tire on anything

I mean I've used don't they make little things for that sure they do but I've never I've never done it so I would eliminate myself I would be worried I'd screw that up and I'd kill somebody on the freeway or something. Right. All I've ever done is that fix a flat. You pump it in there, right? Yeah, that's what I was thinking of. I've done that on my moped and whatnot. Just to get home and put on a new tire.

So no, I've never tried to patch a stitch a rip in some clothing. Not at all. Okay. I did that for you guys. I didn't think that you'd be able to do that. Never tried it and I can't imagine being good at it. Okay, bake bread. Haven't done that either. It seems complicated. A little baker, Josh.

Got flour all over his face. Have you guys ever done it? Is it tough? Of course not. I have. It's not that hard. No, it's just time-consuming. Sounds like the dumbest thing in the whole world.

It's really easy. You just preheat the oven. You take the frozen garlic bread out. You put it in the oven. Boom, you got bread. Oh, should, I've done that. And I can also make cinnamon rolls then. There you go.

You're a baker. If you ever walk into my home and I'm baking bread, beat me unconscious immediately. I do like the smell. of that. The final final, as we wrap this up, these were 20 things. And if you could do nine of them, you would be considered average. Josh finished somewhere 10, 11, 12. You are above average, just as I suspected. There's one more here that I wasn't so sure about. It's home repair oriented. And again, you live in a broken house. It's been broken from the day that you bought it.

and I know you have certain talents, but I wasn't sure about this one. Fix a plumbing leak. Well, okay. I'll raise my hand right now and say absolutely not. I mean, other than turning off the water, I have no idea how to fix a plumbing leak. You don't know how to just like, I don't know,

go down there under your sink and just like replace one of those little pipes? Absolutely not. I mean, maybe. It's pretty, I mean, it's not. I mean, exactly. I think, Josh, you know what I'm talking about. You're talking about the plastic one? Yeah, those are.

Oh, oh, that's not a plumbing weekend. Not that kind of vibe, no. I'm talking about you've got a broken pipe. You've got to bust it. Sure, the plastic stuff that screws together. Type. Christ, if you're a sixth grader, you can. I'm talking about a real deal broken pipe or something. So, yeah, I would think no, but maybe a plumber can tell me if this counts.

But, like, I've used, you know, certainly you tighten something. And I've used plumbers tape. But I feel like you're talking about like a hole. Yeah. Yeah. I'm talking about a legit leak, you know, so... No. Well, you know what?

It doesn't matter because Cubby is above average. You already made it. Above average. We knew it, Josh. We already knew that. I'd imagine you guys finished above average too, right? Like barely, but... Oh, really?

Yeah. Or maybe I kind of lost count. I was keeping track of you and then I was keeping track of me. I think you and I kind of just, I mean, that's why I was, was only asking Josh, because if we all traded it in, it would just be a confusing mess. I think you and I were pretty much parallels with each other. If I, you know, if I considered myself, I think we have similar talents and similar lacks of talent.

What happened? Data yawned really loud. That one came out of nowhere. Dana's asleep. Tanker, Yanker Jesus said they patched tires all the time on semis. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Scary.

Don't tell me that, actually. out scammed by the tire folks. They wanted me to buy new tires. You're always falling for big tire. I know. I don't just get the semi a new tire. I really don't like that. Yeah, actually that does kind of freak me out a little bit. This 10 ton truck, I'll just patch the tire. It'll be fine.

Above average. Backyard haircut Jesus said, plumbing is just water Legos. You got this, bud. Water Legos. I should be great at it then. All right, then. Damn. Park and Park and Rec, Jesus says,

come on, fire up the torch and sweat some pipes. Yeah, there's no way I could do that. Absolutely no way. That's what I call Keith. He's your guy? If I got plumbing problems. That's when I call Keith. It reminds me I want to say hello to Nick,

who I met on Saturday at the Apple Valley Menards. He was a 93X lister. He was even wearing a 93X shirt. He needs a plumbus. So thank you for listening to the show, Nick. Cool dude. There you go. He is a plumber.

Yeah. So many is out there. You got talents, don't you? People are texting in saying, I got 17 out of 20. That's awesome. I got this and I got that. Well, this isn't about you. Pull your head out of your ass.

You failed at knowing when it's about you. Yes. You sure you can do all those things, but it doesn't dawn on you when it's not all about... This was about Josh. That's about everybody. Oh, cripes. All right. What does this guy say?

Oh, yeah. This is funny. Steel-E-E-GIS wants to bowl with you, Josh. You want to know why? Why? He wants to sit in the background and squeeze a plastic water bottle. Take that you bottle, bitch. Let's have some funny.

And that was fun, wasn't it? Was that Sean Rash? That sounds right, yeah. God, dang. God, I miss being able to easily find bowling on television. Now it's a friggin job. It's like a job to find when the bowlers are on television. When it used to be Sundays on ESPN, every freaking Sunday.

I hate what they've done to my television, Josh. It's so difficult to find. Yeah, now it's like probably a streaming thing or an alternate version. Well, they're on this channel. They're on that. need to hear my problems. You did great things today, Josh. No, you did. Thank you very much. Along those lines of alternate channels and stuff, have you guys ever listened to our

alternate HD channels? No. I didn't know such a thing existed. I don't know what it is you're talking about. I forget we have them and I work here. Like, you know, if you have an HD radio... HD radio? In your car, which you do. You know, if you have a newer vehicle that can't with that. There's alternate 93Xs. I don't know if we have two, one or two extra. Okay, and what is different between just tuning in to 93.7 and one of these HD channels? That's what I was going to ask you, it's not the same.

At least the last time I listened to it was a couple of years ago. Can you give me the frequency of one of these? It would be like 93X HD1, which I think is our main signal. It's sad that I have no idea. And then there's a second version. Don't call yourself sad. I've barely understood a word you've said so far. 93. H, I don't know how to do that.

At one point they were going to run... Ask your wife. Maybe she would maybe know. After the show, would you sit in the cab of my pickup with me and show me this? Yeah, I'd like to know what it is. At one point, they talked about having nothing but stand-up comedy on it. Wait a minute. So it's not an enhanced version of what happens on this radio station?

Well, I don't know. That's why I'm asking because back in the day, they were going to run something completely different than what was on the station. Really? I thought maybe it was just 93X, but with better sound. found, like better base and better treble. I thought that's what you meant by HD Radio. Oh, okay, here we go.

Somebody says they just tried it out. It's Love 105, which would make sense because that's not a full power station, right? So just give it a better signal. Okay. All right, I have no idea what's happening. I hope that wasn't too confusing. I know I lost you guys. It's not your fault, but I am very confused.

So now you're saying if I tune in to 93.7 in HD Radio, I hear Love 105? If you tune it to our second and Thursday. It's kind of like, you know, you got ESPN. Yeah, it's really, it's actually hard to explain. It's easier to just show you. You got to get out a ruler and a, and a, draw a diagram. A diagram, a chart, because I have absolutely no idea what we're doing. I know it's silly that we work here and don't know.

So thank you to folks like Liquid Steel Jesus said we have two channels. I used to listen to. Apparently the second one's 105. Okay, what's on the other channel? What's that? Some of them are great. I used to listen to some HD channels. I can't remember what they were.

I would just like fiddle around in my car, but they were great. I've never. This is very interesting. So what's on the other channel right now? Love 105, someone said here. Check out our other 93X channel. Where you can hear Love 105. Ooh, maybe they're playing my song.

Maybe they're playing my tune right now. Let's turn them on. I don't even know how. Can you do that online somehow? Well, let me tune it over real quick. We'll see if they're playing my song. I don't want to wait. They are.

They're playing my song. I don't want to wait. The theme song to that old stupid news is coming up next on the program. Ninety three. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on to Habs podcasters?

We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.

Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law. And it spells relief for you. You guys know how much I really, really love golf. Full-Send Golf, 2-2. Me and VOD versus Big John and Kyle. Oh, it feels good to be back on the links with the boys. Join the party on the golf course. Back to golf in a big way.

Now what? Practice. Let's hit the range. I was like, let's go to the range. We are headed to the golf, Korea. You want to golf with us? No. You don't play golf? No.

Try. We got to break par. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah. We'll send golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show.

Yeah, we're rolling now. earlier on this morning we were talking about skills specifically cubby's skill set what i had for you earlier uh josh and you were wonderful i had uh a list of 20 different skills uh like say the ability to change a tire the ability to um change out an electrical socket type of a thing i don't remember how I said it now, but changing out on the left. Huh? Outlet? Outlet. Cooking an egg. Tying a knot. Things like that. There were 20 different skills. If you could accomplish nine of the 20, you were considered average.

Josh finished above average. Some text messages came in. Okay, one of them, Josh, one of the skills was the ability to fix a plumbing leak. Yes. which I don't remember. What did you say about that? I'm going to say no. I mean, I've done it, but I can't say it's any talent, really. I mean, what I did, it's probably not the correct way to do it as my mind to say. You were probably just holding things off until the plumber showed up.

Yeah, until a real plumber shows up and knows what they're doing. Right. Perry Saturn Jesus texted in on the specific topic of fixing a plumbing leak. And he said, if you have a leak in your plumbing, here are some beginning steps. Number one, shut off the water, and number two, get my pal Moppy and put her to work. If you're an old wrestling fan, you get the reference.

I would actually say step one is to panic, which is what I've done. Our house has had so many water. We had a pool in our dining room not too long ago. You panic, you pull a few switches before you get the water. Had to have the house re-stucco, do windows. One time I had to panic. and shut off the water and I flipped a few other things off first. You see what I'm saying?

Neighbors? Switched. Oh, switched. Yeah. I was just grabbing and panicking. Oh, yeah, that's the water. Burp, turned it off. What is this?

Oh, another skill was the ability to tie an advanced knot. That's a tough one. I've tried over and over and over again. There have been times in my life where I had it correct. and then the opportunity would present itself again, and I will have completely forgotten the skill. You see what I mean? That's part of my problem, is I might learn a skill.

I quickly forget. I get that way. The older I get, the more that happens. It doesn't come back to me. Anyway, tying an advanced knot. One of our listeners no longer Mopar Jesus, he said he's tied a lot of hope knots in his day. I've tied a lot of hope knots too.

That's where you tie it up and you hope it holds. But we found out that you are above average. All right. On to today's report for cripe's sake. If you're going to carry a loaded pistol around town, can you do us all the favor and be responsible with the damn thing? There are some bad examples out there. This is just my opinion.

But I'm going to go ahead anyway and say, that wandering around in public with your loaded eff and pistol slapping around in the pocket of your big stupid oversized basketball shorts, that's not good enough. And by the way, Josh, you look terrible in basketball shorts. Oh, you've never told me that before. That's going to sit with me for a while. You're wearing them today. They're very comfy. Here's evidence to back up my statement.

And again, I said, a loaded pistol dancing around in your basketball shorts, that's not good enough. Some fool in Georgia was strolling around at his neighborhood Walmart. And he's got a loaded pistol in his big, dumb, saggy basketball shorts. It's knocking around as he walks. You know, it's probably just to look cool, right? You could get like a shoulder holster or something like that, be somewhat responsive. Who knows? You may be right. It's got to be because it looks sweet.

I mean, but does it? To me, it looks like you got a turd in the pocket of your pants. I'm assuming he tucked it, you know, in the waistband. Oh, no, it says here it was in his pocket. No, I guess I didn't mean him specifically. Like, when I picture somebody doing that, I picture them trying to look cool like that. Okay. This guy, his pistol is just, you know how it goes when you're wearing those loose shorts. It's just every step he takes.

It's flopping around. You have to hold my phone if I'm walking around in my basketball shorts, which I just found out today. I look terrible in. You don't look good when you wear. Dude's got his pistol in the same pocket as his cell phone. So he's basically carrying a loaded gun with no more concern for it than if he was carrying his effing car keys.

At one point of another, stupid idiot, reaches into his pocket to fetch his telephone. He knocks his weapon out onto the floor. Again, he's at Walmart. The damn thing fires. And the bullet blasted some poor lady in her ankles. Not the ankles. Do you remember a week or two ago we were talking about a guy who got himself?

It was also a Walmart. He shot himself in the wiener. Same type of thing. It slipped. Now, he had his in the waistband of his shorts, but he kind of went to stop it because it was falling, and he shot himself right in the penis. If it's going to happen, you've got to shoot yourself, not some innocent folks,

are just trying to get some bargains at Walmart. If you're going to act like that, I hope it hits you in the pecker. John is the name of the dildo with the loaded gun in his basketball shorts. Friggin'J. Brone. That's all the effort you want to make. Just put it in the pocket of your basket. It says here, shrapnel from the bullet, and the tiles from the flooring there at Walmart

shredded the ankles of a 34-year-old gal who was shopping with her little kids. Oh, no. Little Donnie and little Missy were with her shopping at Walmart. Two little kids. They're crying up and down. They're terrified. Mom gets clipped.

She goes down like a sack of turds. Blood everywhere's. Blood! Here's what the local cop said. The local cop said, John the careless dildo. was carrying his firearm in a manner that was a gross deviation from the standard of care that a reasonable person would have exercised in a similar situation.

Very fancy put. Put very fancily. Try it again. I'm trying to think of a way that I'm trying to word this, but it's very eloquent the way they worded that. Yeah, there we go. I got there. You guys doubted me about I got there. Oh, no, I knew you could do it. That boy, Dana, you put a sentence together. Keep in mind, I chose to wear these basketball shorts, and apparently I look terrible in them.

So I might not be the perfect guy to suggest you did something correctly. That was fancy put. I mean, it was put fantily. It was like Brian from the office. Why use more word when less do? You kind of reminded me of me trying to start my snowblower for the first time of the season. It took a few tries. But you got there too.

Yeah, it got there. I saw your driveway all clean and no snow on it. If you do that again, though, Josh might treat you exactly like his snowblower. He might choke it. The cops also went on to say, wake up, idiots. Carrying a firearm is a significant responsibility. Firearm should be carried in a secure holster or in another secure manner to prevent unintentional contact with the trigger, reducing the risk of an unintended discharge.

Unbelievable. Now, I don't know if John ran out of there after he shot a lady in her ankles, but it sounds like he must have because the story closes out by saying that eventually he turned himself into the police. Now he's setting in jail. The lady made it out of there alive, but her ankles are done. Her ankles are garbage. Yeah, her fadeaway jump shot's going to suck for a while.

Her ankles were turned into dust, Cubby. Because dude wants to walk around in his stupid shorts. I mean, wouldn't that be... You mentioned that when you wear your basketball shorts and you're going around town looking awful. Okay. You put your cell phone in there, right? To me.

You put your cell phone in there, and you said you have to kind of keep your hand on your cell phone, or it just beats your nuts into... Oh, yeah. It slaps by fat thigh. I've worn loose. spitting shorts and put my cell phone in there, and it just beats the piss out of my thighs and my balls. Imagine the weight of a pistol, a loaded pistol.

Yeah, stupid. That must be uncomfortable as all hell, but yet that's how Dinkist chose to go around. He's going to go to Walmart and get a bucket of ice cream or something. All right. Here's a canine-related shooting. Nobody shot a dog. I'm talking about a dog behind the damn trigger again. Again, yeah, didn't this just happen a couple weeks ago?

A gas station? Gas station shooting, two weeks, three, four, whatever. Yeah, a dog was running around the front seat of somebody's pickup, well, his owner, the dog's owner. And stupid owner had a loaded weapon in the front seat of the pickup. The dog got tangled up in it and inadvertently fired at innocent people at the gas station. Hit some lady in the shoulder. We can't have this, Josh. we can't have this continuing.

Let me tell you where I'm going with this one. It says here a gamer, a video game player type of a dude. He says that his gaming system saved him from being shot dead. A bullet came a ramshackling through the wall of his apartment, and the bullet slapped into something called a ram stick. which apparently is part of his home computer setup. Do you have a ram stick at home, Josh? I believe I do, yeah.

I think I have one in my laptop here. Can you show it to me? Is it a large item? The bullet ran into the ram stick. I don't have access to it on my pewter. Okay. So anyway, dude said he woke up in the middle of the night to a loud bang and some glass hit him in the face.

The glass knocked the retainer. out of his mouth and some of the glass Josh got stuck in all of the like the the clear asyl. Oh sure. I could see that happening. Yeah. Yeah, but in the glass got stuck. Next thing he knows, his neighbor lady shows up at the door and she's trembling and crying. And she was repeatedly apologizing. She thought for sure someone must have been shot dead.

And the neighbor told the gamer guy that the fuck. firearm had been dislodged, or that's not the word, the firearm had been discharged by her dog. Blame it on the dog. Marie. Dogs do get blamed for a lot, don't they? They do. It's an advanced level of my dog ate my homework. I would instantly think there's no way anyone's going to believe this.

I'm going to jail. Yeah. Well, the police rolled up, and after they took a look up and around, The apartment they said to the gamer guy, they said, yeah, bruh, if your computer hadn't been set in there, you'd totally be dead right now. Gamer Jesus brings up a good point. With the cost of RAM today and the cost of PCs in general, I would have preferred the bullet hit me. You're right, the hospital bill might have been less expensive. Take your chances.

Let me tell you that. Let me see if I have that here. $3,500, I think it's going to cost it. guy to put his computer back together? Yeah, those gaming computers. Make the dog pay for it. It can be expensive. Dog, it's a part-time job.

Yep. The gamer character found the bullet under his pillow. Oh my God. So he was really close to death. The bullet hit that ram rod or whatever I called it earlier. A ramstick.

And it ricocheted this way, that way, ended up under his pillow. Now, the neighbor gal is in deep yogurt. She's been charged with criminal negligence. She's had her gun confiscated. It took three days to clean up all the broken glass. His computer, the gamer guy, his computer is a pile.

He can't play games. And he's going to have to rub one out the old-fashioned way until he can afford a new porno machine. Just fantasizing? Yeah, just like you, that's how you started off. Why is an accent the first time? You're in the shower. There's no further details on the dog that supposedly pulled the trigger or how it happened. I was kind of disappointed.

They didn't include. Why is there a load gun, chilling by the dog? There was no explanation at all about the dog or how that might have happened. So I just don't know. I just. I was excited for that part. Don't. Yeah, like maybe was sitting on the couch or something like that.

Yeah. I always thought to be cool to have some of that furniture that conceals guns. Yeah, that stuff is really sweet. Like you've got your mantle, you just kind of pound it like Fonzie back in Happy Days, and all of a sudden like a really sweet gun pops out, that kind of stuff. I've seen some people with some cool stuff like that. Oh, yeah. In person?

I've seen it in TV shows. Yeah, in person. Well, what do they have? Like the, you know, like false picture frame. You move it, and there's a little gun safe behind there. Oh, a gun safe? Yeah. Oh.

Yeah, I've never seen, I guess, where the gun is just like, Yeah, Josh is talking about you. In the furniture. Yeah, where they have it in like the couch. I think I think Bert Kreischer has a bit where he talks about how like guns are so cool and about how he wants one in like every room in his house. And he's has, he said there was like one in the back of his toilet. He had like a compartment on his mailbox or something like that.

Jesus. Really weird you brought him up because just I couldn't sleep last night so I started watching his Netflix show. Oh, yeah. It's good. It's pretty funny. I like it. Uh-huh.

He's good stuff. It's better. I thought it was good. Yeah, I agree, Josh. I had low expectations, but it definitely exceeded them. That youngest daughter, dang, she's funny. So fun. I love when he talks about her.

Ila? Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't know the name, but, yeah, she's very funny. So we didn't get any explanation on how this dog might have accidentally fired a weapon that almost killed the neighbor in the next department. A listener texted in and is getting. guessing that maybe the gun owner and the dog were playing Russian roulette. Oh, shoot. You go first.

No, no, I insist. You, sir, go first. All right. The southeastern United States, always with the southeastern. Here's a picture you ought to see. I won't keep you along with this one. A 33-year-old feller by the name of Conrad was pulled over this past Friday night. Oh, he was really cooking.

By God, he was driving 90-some miles per hour. Once the cops got him yanked over to the side of the road, they could tell he was drunk off his ass, and also it wasn't hard to notice. The 34 empty white claw can sitting directly on Conrad's passenger seat. 34? 34. Empty, bone dry.

I thought there ain't no laws when you're. You're drinking claws. That's what they say. You can get in trouble for that? Yeah, if it's past like 12. That's a lot. Wow. Holy cow.

I would be destroyed. I could, if I was drinking all day long doing stuff, I could probably maybe get away with 20, but I'd be absolutely destroyed. How did those compare to like a beer? About the same. Yeah, about the same. Oh, is it? You're not drinking 20 beers in a day. Oh, I could do it.

You really could. Definitely. Yeah. Aren't those things super sweet? I've never had one. They are, they're not too sweet compared to, like, the other stuff I've had. 20 beers in a day. Dude, my tolerance is sad, actually.

You know, after not drinking for a long time? In a day. I thought, oh, my tolerance is going to suck. Maybe for, like, two times. Drinking twice. By then, my tolerance was right back where it used to be. I was like, gosh, darn it. I love you, but I'm not buying it.

Really? You don't think so. Not a chance of hell. Yeah. Yeah, you should. Not a chance in hell you drink 20. I'm not a husband. I could definitely do it.

I'm not a smart man. I don't know all the current trends and the changes and things like that. I thought you're going to name the other type of men that you were not. A lot of men, I'm not. Now, a day is... A tall man. I'm not a milk man. I'm not a pizza delivery man.

Woody Harrelson. Go ahead, Josh. A day is still 24 hours. Is it not? Yeah. So that hasn't changed? No. And you're saying within 24 hours, you could drink 20 white.

Clause? Yeah. And I'm not a drinker. No, I would be, I would be absolutely destroyed, but oh yeah, I could do it. Before falling asleep. I'm sorry, there's just no way. Really? I don't want to doubt you, but that seems like so much. It doesn't seem like that much. I got your back ashen. I think you could get close. Well, here's the thing. Please don't try to prove this. Because you will end up dead. I mean, I've had like bad Saturdays where I look at my receipt from the bar and there's like 15 Jameson sevens on there and I'm like oh all right that's bad i don't want i don't want you to prove this at any rate and by the way uh we'll get back to this white claw guy in just a second but i have to go back through my text machine you picked him up

you dropped him jesus you friggin dick oh no what did he do i'll tell you what he i'll tell you what he did i love him by the way You are the dick of the day and don't talk to me for the rest of the day. That's it. Contact me tomorrow if you feel like it. You picked him up. You dropped him, Jesus.

But you and I are done for the day. Do you want to block him? We could. I'd miss him. No, I don't want to block him. You know what? I want him to beg for forgiveness. We're talking about that frigging

story a minute ago or a dog fired a gun. And somebody, you know, dog owner and the dog are sitting there. Somehow the dog fired a weapon. somebody texted in and said maybe the owner and the dog were playing Russian roulette. You picked them up, you dropped him Jesus

texting in and said, wouldn't it be called roof? In roulette? Why would you be mad about that? That's the type of whimsy he provides. Why would I be mad about that? Yeah. It's a dog and roulette

and basketball shorts. N roulette. You're wondering why I would be mad about that. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so here's this guy driving down the road gets pulled over. He was obviously drunk, and also there were 34 empty white claw cans sitting directly on his passenger seat. Now, I don't know if Conrad is the name again. I don't know if he pumped down all 34 of those white claws that night while he was driving in that vehicle of his.

but the dumb bastard spit a 0.17. Some folks who read this story and saw the picture of the 34 empties on the passenger seat, they said they'd be surprised if the weight of all those empty white claw cans didn't set off that cute alarm that tells you that your passenger needs to buckle up. You know what I'm talking about? I don't know if it would pile up then. Anyway, I've had that happen when I got multiple pizzas before. Yeah.

I've set a case of beer there before. and then wondered, why the hell is that a lot? Oh, well, the case of beer is heavy enough to. So that's a Conrad story. He had 34 empties in the passenger seat. You want to talk about a mess? I mean, obviously he was not too concerned about where he slept that evening. You're going to drive 90 miles an hour drunk and you got that many empties in your car.

You're not too concerned about going home. No, he doesn't even know where home is at that point, I'd imagine. On a side note, though, I do love a good garbage car. Well, I could show you a couple. Yeah, I get grossed out a little bit, but at the same time, I'm fascinated by the sight of a garbage car, meaning I'm not talking about a beat-up car. The folks who never clean the interior of their cars until the point where it's just a dumpster with a steering wheel. I've been trying to keep mine clean lately. I've seen a few over the years.

I've seen a few over the years that were just unbelievable. I've seen yours once or twice, Ashley. You say you're trying harder to? Yeah, because I have to have a baby in there, and I'm afraid I'm going to get pulled over for something, I don't know, and the cop's going to be like, you have a baby in here and it's dirty in here? What's wrong with you? You're a terrible person. I'm taking your baby away. Child protective services. Yep, exactly. I don't know. I have irrational thoughts. Not yours. You guys remember the story of the teenage gal who wrote her bicycle up my driveway and claimed that her stepdad had been beating on her? Remember that story? It was all a lie. It was all a lie. She was out of her mind. She pulled. into everyone's driveway once in a while and claimed that her stepdad had beat her up.

It's a long story. The truth was she was just nuts and she liked to tell that story to strangers for the attention and then the police would come and, right? That's a stressful situation. Yeah, it was really odd. But we were all very drunk

sitting in my driveway. Three, four of us. This has got to be 15 years ago. And like I said, it was all a scam. The cops knew this gal. As soon as they pulled up onto my property, they knew this gal and they said, will you come talk to us? Because she'd pulled this prank on everyone in the neighborhood. She was just a goofy kid.

But the part that cracked me up is the drunkest guy out of the four of us demanded that he be the one to call the cops, right? And in the end, actually, the gal said, well, don't call the cops called child protective services. So he did. But maybe he had to be there. But this is what I heard.

The drunkest guy out of the four of us pokes at his phone and then says this. Uh, yeah, yes, hello. Is this child protective services? I'd love to be on the other side of that. Here we go. I feel like, this is going to be great. The operator, exactly.

The operator must have thought, oh, my damn, what am I up against? I have to go and save a child. Fancily put what is. Is this, uh, is this the number for child protective services? Fancyly. Oh, yeah. Remind me to tell you that whole story sometime because it was an effed-up deal. Yeah, I want to hear this. F-up deal.

I've got back to garbage cars. I have a friend. I don't think he's ever opened his car door where something hasn't fallen out. Usually McDonald's rappers. Oh, my God. Are you like me, Josh, where you go, oh, gross. But at the same time, you're kind of interested, fascinated in everything that's going on in the car. Well, I get jealous and they're that relaxed. I've never been that relaxed where I could just be okay with something like that.

chill out, man. It would drive me nuts. No, you're right. I got to chill out. A good garbage car. Why does Josh need to chill out? Because it's all right for things to get a little bit messy. A little bit. We're not talking about a little bit messy. We're talking about a straight-up garbage. Yeah, but I bet Josh's car is like immaculent. Yeah, but it smells weird. It doesn't smell. It does. Josh's car is always very clean, but there's a weird smell. I would know like cologne. Even though you don't wear cologne, for some reason I imagine it's smelling like cologne. Like those black tree, those black tree ones? I've never, I've never, well, I wore cologne two or three times in my life.

Do you have car, I'm guessing you have car fresheners? No. That he needs, it smells in his car. That's weird. Why don't you? God, I wish I had car trouble and I couldn't come in today. Between the basketball shorts and the car smell and Josh is, Josh needs a hug. Oh, no, he hates hugs.

That's odd to me that you don't, oh, I guess, you know, I always thought you'd be the type of person that goes to a car wash like once a week, too, and you said you don't do that. that. So, huh. Interesting. Josh's car smells like Ashley had 20 beers and she slept in there for three days. Oh, gross. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. So, you know, the twins won and the Lynx one.

Nice, nice. Now that basketball and hockey have come to an end, things have slowed down. I'm cool with that. I'm cool with that, although I will need some long stories. when Randy Shabrid joins us at 730. You know, things have slowed down. And that's okay. But that also means that, you know,

the material shrinks a little bit. So let me just get this out of the way because I teased the story a little bit. I'm kind of surprised you guys would have forgotten the story, but I guess I tell a lot of them around here. The gal who pulled up into the driveway. So this was 15 years ago, me and three buddies were sitting in my driveway with the fire pit going, right?

Must have been 10.30 at night or something. and about a 15-year-old gal rides her bicycle up the driveway. And she's got a big mark under her eye. And she says, I need help. My stepdad beats the piss out of me. You know, took us all by surprise. Of course, that was the last damn thing we'd expect while we're sitting around drinking beer around the fire.

And we said, oh, what's, you know, who are you? She said her name was a missy or something. We said, well, sit down, you know, take a seat. And she went on to tell us, yeah, you know, her staff. Stepdad beats her up and beats up her little brother too. And we said, well, where do you live? Where did you come from? And she says, oh, I live way over this way.

So she rode about four or five miles on her bicycle. Jeez. And pulls into our driveway. This is a long time ago. So I'm trying to piece it all together. But I think, you know, I think I asked her, well, why did you pull in here? You know, you live five miles away. Why did you pull in here?

And she said, well, I saw you guys sitting around the fire. You know, I didn't really want to walk up. up on a dark house or something. I saw you guys sitting around. I mean, you're obviously out and about. And we said, okay, we'll just take a seat. And that was when we decided or she asked us, you know, will you call the cops? And then she said, well, don't call the cops called Child Protective Services, which we did.

While we were sitting there and waiting for a response, you know, she did have some, like, hospital-style wristbands on her wrist. And so I asked her. I said, well, what's going on? You know, have you recently been in the hospital? And she said, well, yeah. And I said, well, what were you in the hospital for? And she said, because of my stepdad tuning me up.

Okay. He's got a mark on her face. She's got the hospital things around her wrist. Why would we think she was making it up? We took it very seriously. Yeah, you don't want to doubt something like that. Exactly. I felt like a complete ass if I would have said, wow, that sounds made up.

Yeah. It all sounded believable. Again, the funny part was. at the drunkest of the four of us called Child Protective Services. And they did. Next thing you know, here comes police cars up my driveway from two different cities. From my hometown and from a town about five miles away where she says she lives. And as soon as the first cop got out the car, he says, ah, Missy, why don't you come over here and talk to me?

So they knew her name, you know, recognized her, at least the body language and the way he, He addressed her, led me to believe that he's dealt with her before. She goes into that cop car. We never saw her again. They drove her away. A second cop walks up, and we said, what's going on here? And the cop said, well, she rode her bicycle up your driveway and told you she got tuned up by your stepdad. And we said, yeah.

And he said, let me ask you something. That mark under her eye, did it look a little bit like a rug burn? And I said, well, now that you mention it, yeah. And he said she does this to herself. Sad. And she goes around neighborhood to neighborhood pulling this gimmick. And we were just like, Jesus, crime any, are you kidding me? And I said, well, what about the wristbands, you know, that she just got out of the hospital.

And the cops said, well, yeah, she did just get out of a hospital, but not a regular hospital. She was in the mental health. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that floor. And we thought, son of a bitch. Wow, that's a crazy night. That was an interesting night, to say the least. Boy, if she has a stepdad, I'm sure he's like, what the hell? Why are you coming after me?

Yeah, man. I was stepdad. That's true. And you know what? That's what the cop pretty much told us. He said, we've gone over there dozens and dozens of times. And it's just the gal's got an imagination. That was. That was a hell of a night.

So again, Randy Schaver will join us at 7.30, and we can get into whatever the hell we need to get into. Josh has some more news for you here in a few minutes. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait.

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got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. You like party? This is full send. Join the party. So you guys launch the Nelke Love Island. Congratulations, boys. Who's that?

What they got? Production, dude. Like five years ago, we could do that easily and it'd be crazy when we're partying, but when you're like in your 30s a little bit. Well, that's why you barely show up to set, day two. Just a few hours, tardy. Stani wanted to be the host, too. It's like, why didn't you let me be the host? It's like, bro, you showed up six hours later every day. I had a girlfriend.

The Full Send Podcast, follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X. During the traffic stop, they discovered that there were drugs in the vehicle and were in the process of arresting the, female driver. While this is going on, this gentleman shows up. I love stories where the villain's biggest obstacle is his own stupidity. This is one of those stories. Plenty of times we've heard about grown adults pretending to be cops. Usually it's some guy with a police scanner, a tactical vest, and entirely too much time on his hands. But this one is somehow even more embarrassing,

like a 51-year-old wearing basketball shorts, apparently. Because instead of pretending to enforce the law, this guy decided to pretend he practiced it. A Palm Bay Florida man showed up to a traffic stop in a full suit and tie and told police he was the driver's lawyer. Oh, for Christ's sake. He looked apart, but he wasn't her lawyer. Actually, he wasn't a lawyer at all. She said, oh, I have no idea who this man is. According to investigators, deputies stopped a vehicle in April shortly before 3 a.m.

and located a controlled substance in the vehicle and in the driver's purse. While preparing to arrest the driver, an unexpected legal, quote-unquote, representative arrived at the scene. What is happening right now? You're her attorney? Yes. Yeah. That's a purse. The driver identified the man as her attorney and refused to answer any more questions, directing deputies to speak with her lawyer instead.

At first, the act seemed convincing. He arrived dressed in a suit in. Ty began challenging officers on legal procedures and probable cause. They love that. And even attempted to negotiate a deal on behalf of his client. It's an unfortunate call on my end. Okay. If we can step aside, you guys want to go over a probable cause?

Either one of us are the primary officer. You guys want to talk about this? I know things. For a few minutes, he was putting on quite a show. He had the wardrobe. He had the confidence. What he apparently lacked, however, was a law degree or a, workable third act because things fell apart when officers asked some basic questions.

This is the quickest response attorney of everything. In my experience, when attorneys come up, you identify themselves. They don't say, well, if you need, I'll tell you who I am. They have no problem telling you who they are because they're an attorney. If we're going to go ahead and investigate myself and my person. I'm not investigating you. No, no. It reminds me of the fancally put mine earlier. According to police, the man became evasive before eventually giving officers the name of an actual attorney that he was pretending to be, hoping that would do the trick. Unfortunately for him, with the age of the internet,

they were able to look up that attorney, and the photos didn't match. And he was very kind of evasive until he gave the name of the attorney that he was misrepresenting. After 34 minutes of back and forth, very patient officers, contact. 34 minutes of this.

Yeah, they listened to him. They contacted the real lawyer the man had been impersonating. Doing a simple check of who this attorney is, the pictures didn't match up, right? So we knew we weren't dealing with this person that he was proclaiming to be, making contact with the actual attorney who was like, no, that was not me. According to the arrest affidavit, the attorney told investigators he was not present at the traffic stop and he never authorized anyone to represent him. When you pretend to be somebody or not, especially someone who is protected by law as being a board certified lawyer, you have the potential to find yourself in handcuffs just like this gentleman did.

out the real lawyer recognized the imposter immediately. But the fake lawyer wasn't a colleague, wasn't an employee, wasn't even a law student. He was a former client who he once represented in a DUI case. So this woman who was pulled over, she knew this man who was pretending to be a lawyer? She knew him and he had told her he was a lawyer as well and said, hey, for 250 bucks, I'll come out there. So it's a surprise to her, too. Well, that's what she claims, right? Maybe she's lying about it.

Is this how this guy tries to get laid? I don't get it. But the cops were like, okay, you know, we're going to take your word for it, but most lawyers don't show up at the side of the road, especially at three in the morning and wearing a suit and tie already? One of the lawyers was joking, like, do you just have a go bag that's with fancy dress? That's one of the more bizarre tales you've ever told, young cubby. Yeah, I've never heard that before.

So many of those nerds run around wishing they were cops. Right. But showing up as a lawyer. You've got to have balls for that because you know you're directly communicating with the police. And the best part is... They know how to ask certain questions to find out if you are legitimate. And you know sometimes you can look at somebody and tell their brain factory is working as hard as possible. Yeah.

Trying to output something smart. That's what he was doing when he's trying to... choose his words like, how would a lawyer say something like this? Oh, I absolutely love that. I love that video. I can't wrap my head around the motivation. I mean, maybe he's just insane. And in that case, there's no motivation needed. You're just totally out of your mind. But if he's not totally insane, what was he trying to accomplish? I think in that case, he was just trying to feel whatever you feel when you're pretending

to be a cop. Yeah, to feel powerful, to feel important. It's one thing to go to a bar and fool some checks into thinking you're a lawyer or an astronaut or something, but you're dealing with the police. And they were immediately like, all right, I guess we'll take your word for it for a little bit here, but this sure seems weird. Wow, man. A Florida neighborhood got a rude awakening in the wee hours of last Tuesday morning when a Ford F-150 did something trucks generally aren't designed to do,

drive through a wall, and park on top of a sleeping guy. The crash happened about 1230 a.m. when a 54-year-old Sarasota man behind the wheel of an F-150 ran a stop sign, left the roadway, and launched an unsolicited remodeling project on a nearby home. Inside that home, a 62-year-old man was doing what a lot of people do, half past midnight, sleeping. The truck didn't just clip the corner of the house or flat in a mailbox. It cooled-man completely through an exterior wall and came to rest inside the homeowner's bedroom, pinning him beneath the vehicle. neighbor Robert Bond rushed over to the crash. He said it rattled him awake. He was dreaming that he was having sex with a really large lover.

The driver was still sitting in the cab, and his neighbor trapped him underneath. He was underneath the truck, and the driver the truck was sitting in the truck. I really thought, until I heard him respond to my voice, I thought he was going to be dead. Truck was on top of him. Emergency crews pulled the 62-year-old out alive and transported him to a local hospital. It's amazing that my neighbor's going to live. It's weird how me and him have essentially the same voice. Yeah, totally.

I would love to know the first words out of that some bitch's mouth after they peeled them out from under that F-150. It has to be something like, you have got to be kidding. Or maybe he's not a Ford guy and it was disparaging against Ford. Florida Highway Patrol confirmed the driver wasn't impaired. The driver must have been either distracted or fell asleep while operating that motor vehicle. both are incredibly dangerous. Prosecutors aren't ruling out additional charges

and say they'll wait and see what the investigation turns up. There will definitely be charges pending in regards to running the stop sign. And then, of course, as the investigation goes on, anything else that presents itself will be looked at. Boy, he got that pig up in the air, though. He did. Yeah, he did. Turns out it wasn't just a bizarre, isolated incident. It was the latest and a genuine pattern of bad drivers in that neighborhood.

It's happened before. It wasn't that shocking. You know, I knew almost right away what it was. It's like listening to me. I love him. Bond told reporters his own house has been struck before. The victim's home had also experienced a prior near miss, prompting him to install a few posts that's a makeshift barrier, but those posts did nothing to stop a pickup truck.

My neighbor even put up wood post himself in front of his windows there. That's what they were for, but obviously they didn't stop anything. After previous complaints from residents, the county installed reflective warning signs at the intersection, but the driver on June 9th sailed. straight past those two. Bonn is now urging the county to install physical bollards or barriers

along the curb line to stop the next vehicle before it reaches anyone's bedroom. Put up at least four yellow barriers across the front there in the curb area. So if another car does that, a drunk driver comes, they're going to hit that and it's going to stop them. According to an audit by risk management experts at Lloyds of London, American drivers

crash into buildings roughly 100 times every day. Seriously? Seriously. American drivers crash into buildings 100 times a day? Every day, they said. My God. That works out to a more than 36,500 vehicle into building collisions annually, resulting in approximately 16,000 injuries and sadly more than 2,600 deaths, they claim. Most involve distraction, pedal confusion, or drivers nodding off.

The Florida incident appears to have checked two of those three boxes. Damn near every neighborhood's got that house, right, Cubby? Oh, definitely. We grew up next to one. Yeah, inadvertently collects hood ornaments all year long because people can't make the turn or whatever the hell the deal. Our neighborhood had one of those too. A mutual friend of ours had that happened so many times.

He put up giant boulders in his yard and eventually they just moved. It was right next to a bar, so it was drunks mostly on kind of a sharp curve. In an oddly appropriate historical footnote, it was on this day in 1903, that Ford Motor Company, which would later produce the F-150 at the center of Sarasota's surprise bedroom parking job was incorporated. That's when they got her fired up, huh? Yeah. 19 and 3.

19 and 3. F. An Arkansas woman's workplace windfall may lead to her eventual downfall. 50-year-old Renee Coleman is accused of holding on to nearly $20,000 her employer accidentally paid her and then refusing to give it back. Thanks to a payroll glitch at Superior Senior Care and In-Home Care Company, Coleman's usual $16.50 hourly wage somehow transformed into a very exciting 1,650 an hour wage for a 12-hour shift. A payroll glitch that skyrocketed her salary into FU money territory. And FU, she said.

In one paycheck, she received an additional $19,000 into her bank account. I would have a hard time not saying F you, yeah. Her employer caught the mistake later and asked for the money back, but Coleman said no. Finders, keepers kind of a thing. No. Money's gone. So it's on you, pal. They filed a theft report.

According to police, Coleman said she'd already spent the money repairing her husband's semi-truck. But details beyond that mysteriously murky. Then when speaking to investigator, she clammed up. A detective later got her to agree to come in and and talk it over, presumably, to clear those things up. She did not, in fact, come in, and therefore nothing got cleared up. Because turns out finders, keepers isn't a recognized legal defense. She was charged with a felony.

$19 extra thousand. My goodness. That would be nice. Having a good time there for a poke, but it's all over now. 190 years ago yesterday in 1836, Arkansas, where this story took place, became the 25th state. Boy, they haven't gotten right since. Still haven't figured it out.

They can't even pay somebody correctly. Hall in your wood, Jesus, text in a huge thank you to Sass Master Jesus for putting up with him for 13 awesome years. Happy anniversary to you two. This text says, happy anniversary to my squeeze from Booby, sending some good vibes and brother and sisterhood love to bison in the basement, Jesus and family. Sadly, they'd have put their very good boy Reagan down some.

Monday. He had a good life. He told me he made it to almost 16 years old. So our best to you guys during this difficult time. This text says, can I get a shout out? I'm heading down to the World Cup game today, and I would love to hear my name said on the radio. Happy birthday. All right, fine. Straw hat Jesus. Oh, straw hat Jesus. Happy birthday to dumplings from your better half short but fat Jesus. Trucker Chris Jesus, sex the Luther key of Bloomington text line with a birthday shout-out to his beautiful wife, Brittany, who at 36, has never looked so good. And happy birthday to Duke's Mayo Jesus, who concrete-holling Jesus hopes has the best birthday ever.

And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. Here we go. It's groovy. Here comes old Randy Shaver. Hello, Randy. Good morning.

You know, we were talking. What was that? Brad. What was that? Brad. Hello, Brad. Brad. He's limited this morning. He can only say, Bra. I'm sorry? Brow. Oh, bra is what's being set up. You ever heard that at a basketball game yet? No. Bra. Bra. Every once in a while they'll play, though. Brad. Sorry, to me, it sounds like he's saying Brad. Brad, but my hearing has been shot for years. It does sound like that. What the hell? What the hell was I saying? Oh, oh, yes. We were talking earlier, Randy Shaver. The NBA and the NHL. They're all done. Summer can begin.

And that's good and bad for this program specifically. Yes. There's a lot less work around here to keep up with multiple tournaments, of course. But it also takes some material off the table. So I welcome any and all of you to drone on forever. I blame the Vikings. What about the Vikings? They used to keep us entertained in the off season with arrests and bars. That's a great point. That just doesn't happen anymore.

What were they called the Cleveland Browns of the North? I thought there was a nickname. Well, the Cincinnati of Bengals. That's what it was, the Bengals, yeah. There was a stretch of time, right, Cubby, good point, where if the Vikings players weren't caught up in some terrible scandal, it was the players from the Cincinnati of Bengals. So they had, I mean,

they pretty much had the Super Bowl of poor behavior. They repeated year after year battling in the Super Bowl of bad behavior, the Bengals and the Vikings. They did their best to fill slow newsdays. Yeah, there were some characters, wasn't there?

There were some friggin' characters. Well, you know, you have time now to maybe dive in on the links if you want to. Okay. Obviously, they're very, They're very good at what they're doing right now. See, that's a good one. That's a good one.

I know that they won their ball game last night. You're one big last night. By a great deal of points. 107, I think to 74. The links were able to, are you ready, Josh? Put out the Portland fire is what they did last night over at Target. I mean, this is U.S. Open Week in golf. Oh, man.

You lost your momentum, Randy. Shouldn't have said a friggin word. One of the majors this week, you've got... The U.S. Open. U.S. Open golf being played in, I think... Oh, your favorite golf course, Shinnock. Let me tell you what, they got the right name. In New York.

Shinnecock. In New York. New York State, Josh. Of course, you've got the World Cup, so you've got some... Oh, we're going to get to that. Friday. that's uh we've got stuff for dana to talk about so we know you can't wait for our world and you have the twins the twins we're going to get to the twins there's actually plenty to talk

about the NBA draft nick is next week already no nick loves drafts NBA draft is Tuesday and Wednesday next week so there's conversate there's going to be trades made we got lots to talk about all right I'm going to ask you never fear I'm going to ask you to to prove that at one point or another. What did you say? Oh, Shinnock, New York. They're having a golf tournament up there. Maybe, Josh, that's where the two of us had

someday together to check out fall colors. Is that upstate New York? I've heard good things about that. Yeah, upstate New York. Well, let me ask you this first. When are there parades for the championship ball clubs, North Carolina? Thursday for the NBA.

Yeah. A couple days away from the parade for the New York Knickerbockers. Because, I mean, sadly, these days, those events always have the potential for total disaster. The potential for comedy, but also the potential for total disaster. So they're doing the basketball parade on Thursday. What about the hurricane? Anybody know? And is Rick Flair going to be the Grand Marshal of the parade?

I mean, that is, if they pay them. It's Flair country. that's his that's his spot there rally North Carolina they're doing it on Saturday ooh man

that's trouble I think New York intentionally didn't have theirs on the weekend oh I'm sure you're right does it really matter in New York City yeah I guess you're right it doesn't matter in New York City

might be a little better for you young people I hope you get a parade someday because we had two of them with the twins when I was young and we got it done they were awesome We got it effing done.

The problem with the twins parades, unfortunately, is they happened in November, basically. But the weather wasn't terrible. Yeah, it was cold. It was brisk. Well, you were sitting still at your little news desk set up on Sixtin-Hennepin or whatever. You weren't able to move around. The rest of us were milling around and drinking. Yeah, I was saying Nick probably had 45 beers in them.

30. Wait a minute. What did Ashley say earlier? She can drink 20. in a day? 20 in a day. Oh yeah, I had 35 of them in me, that. I was busy throwing toilet paper. Everyone knows that story. I threw a roll of toilet paper

at the K-11 news desk. I was aiming for Randy, but I hit his co-worker. True story. That's amazing. Top to bottom, full-on truth. Who would have guessed that years later, you'd be working for me? I hope the young people get a parade someday. Yeah, I do too.

I mean, I remember this, Josh. 87, I was still in high school. And the teachers made it very clear that it was not cool for us to up and leave and just go to the Twins Parade. But we did anyway. It's different now. It seems like schools are allowing people to do that or they got the day off or something. Yeah, we weren't allowed to go. Yeah, it's because the kids are soft now.

SAWFT, soft. And I remember we got to Minneapolis and there was absolutely nowhere to park. We threw the vehicle. We just parked it on the street. Just parked it in the middle of a lane. Nobody cared. Everybody's in such a good mood. I'm sure they didn't care.

I have a core memory of kindergarten when the teacher rolled in the TV so we could watch the Twins 91 World Series parade. Oh, yeah. I think it was Morris because she wanted to watch it and maybe just distract us. But either way, it was cool. I mean, we were jumping up and down when they showed Kirby Pucket ride by.

Turkey bucket. Yep. Well, here's the deal. So, yeah, the National Hockey League and the National Basketball Association, they're all done. The special situation for the hockey players now, the winners, the Carolina Hurricanes, is now they get to trade that Stanley Cup back and forth.

Every player gets whatever, three, four days, whatever it is with the cup. Here are the weirdest things that hockey players have done with the Stanley Cup, according to an article from Bro Bible. Maybe you've heard these stories before. but there's always a good one. Because these guys, as I mentioned yesterday, they're going to stay drunk for a good two months.

Absolutely. They're going to be buried in college girls, and they all get to take the cup home or wherever the hell they want to take it for a couple of days. See if you remember any of these, the weirdest things that hockey players have done with the Stanley Cup. The 19 and 24 Montreal Canadians left it on the side of a road. I thought you were going to take it.

And we're probably going to get text saying, you know, there's three or four cups and the one they take home isn't the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't exactly know the answer how many there are and which one they give to the players and which one is legit. It doesn't matter, not for this conversation. It doesn't matter. 19 and 24, the Montreal Canadians, a few of them were traveling in a Model T. That's how long ago 1924 was. they're traveling in their Model T. They were going over to the coach's house to party,

and they had the cup in the car. Well, that Model T stalled on a hill. And a player by the name of Sprague Clegghorn. Was he the brother of Foghorn? Yes. That boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball. He was a giant chicken, and he was the younger brother of Foghorn.

I say, I say, hey, boy. I miss that. Sprague Clegghorn had the cup in his lap. The car stalls. They all get out the car to push. What Van Halen song was that, Josh? Get, get, get out and push. It'll take me while to come up with that one.

And they left the damn cup on the side of the road. Sprague put the cup down on the side of the road. They pushed a Model T up to the top of the hill. They forgot to go get the damn thing. I think they got all the way to the coach's house. before they realized we left the cup on the side of the road. 1924 Montreal wasn't that big of a city, so, you know. Sinners swing.

Sinners swing, dude. Fair warning. Yeah. Get, get, get out and push. We're near, near, near. Maurice Rocket Richard, he won eight cups, again, with the Montreal Canadians. We're talking about the Canadians here. Now, some of these might say, and it's a fair question,

rocket Richard had his teeth? because it says here he chipped his two front teeth, taking a celebratory drink out of the cup. And when I first read that, I thought, well, what the hell was Rocket Richard doing with his front teeth still? He would have thought those have been the first two to exit, especially playing hockey in the 50s,

but he chipped his teeth on the damn thing. Maple Leafs won the cup in 1962. They had a celebratory bonfire, and a player got drunk and accidentally done. the cup into the fire. Oh, God. They did have to pay for the repairs. Lottias might know this one.

Mario Lemieux tossed the Stanley Cup into his swimming pool to see if it would float. I remember that one. They confirmed Cubby that it does not float. They should have done that on David Letterman back when he used to do that gimmick. Will it float? Oh, I don't... Yeah, okay, I didn't know that was Letterman. I kind of remember the bit.

They'd bring out kind of like a dunk tank, you know, type of. a pool and then they'd have a guy out there with a thing of Velveeta cheese or whatever and him and Paul would go back and forth if they thought it would float or not. Was this in the latter days? Because I was such a big letterman fan from the word go, but I don't ever remember seeing the game

letter float. Yeah, it was the later days. Because I was too young to watch back when he was late night, so I've only seen the stuff that he did on CBS. What is this now? Okay. Josh, you'll like this one. Pantara.

Back in 99 when the Dallas Stars won the cup, they were tight friends. A lot of the Stars players were tight friends with the metal band Pantera. Vinnie Paul, I think, was like the biggest hockey fan out of the group. And he hosted a party at his house for the Dallas Stars. And at one point or another, the cup was thrown into a pool. into the pool. So twice. Wasn't his pool shaped like a Crown Royal bottle?

It was. Pool shaped like a bottle of Crown Royal. The story is that Guy Carbono had the cup in his hand at one point or another, and then he didn't. And some bitch was at the bottom of the pool. Guy Carbono. He played forever. Matter of fact, if I remember correct,

Guy Carbono, who was Montreal Canadiens for many, many years and then wrapped up his career in Dallas and won that cup in 99. So Carbino won it in 86 and he won it in 99. I believe Brendan Morrow was a player, young, young player. I wish Mike Medano was on the phone right now because he played on that team. He played with Brandon Morrow. He played with Guy Carbono. Guy Carbino was so old by the time he was wrapping up his career with the stars

that Brendan Morrow was dating one of his daughters. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I bet it killed him to know that his daughter was dating a professional hockey player because Guy Carbono been around for a long time. He knew what animals those guys were. But I think I had that right. Brendan Morrow was dead and maybe even married one of Guy Carbonos' daughters.

A number of NHL players have used the cup to incorporate into the baptism of their children. Hmm. Interesting. Mm-hmm. A buddy of mine works for Las Vegas and in public relations, you know, kind of like what Brad used to do. So we got to know a bunch of the players pretty well. When they won the cup, one of the players' birthdays, or his day with the cup fell on his son's birthday, and they were having a birthday party. He was about two years old. So he showed up to the party with the cup.

So he's got a picture of his kid just sitting in the cup. Babies sat in that damn thing up and down. Yeah. Poopped in it. Yeah. And he said he's not going to show the picture to his kid until he's older and appreciates hockey and shows, hey, look what I pulled off on your second birthday. Superdad. Yeah, no kidding.

Chris Draper of the Detroit Red Wings after they won it in 2008 and discussed it all of us by winning the cup in 2000. Chris Draper admitted that his newborn daughter pooped in the cup. Gross. I'm not sure I admit that. A lot of other players, yeah. Sylvain Lefebvre. He played for the avalanche in 19. Thomas Holmstrom of the Red Wings.

Jack Johnson. Isn't he local? Jack Johnson? I thought he was a golden gopher. They all admitted that they baptized their children in the cup. Oh, Red Kelly, he's from the old days. He had, oh, 1964, he admitted that his son peed in it. Listener texted in to say,

Neil Broughton brought the cup back to his ranch and River Falls. and let horses eat grain out of it. That must have been when Brotsie won it in 95 with the devils. And yeah, Guy Carbino won the cup in 93 as well. That guy played forever. A lot of stories coming in from our listeners here. What does this say? Bullet Club Jesus.

What's he say? Don't forget about the cup missing for a day to get repaired. After it was dented? Well, yeah, I think after it was at Dimes House. I don't know what that means. Dimebag Daryl? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes, we just told that story.

Yeah. But according to what we read, it was Vinnie Paul's house. Yeah, I always heard Vinnie Paul. It went into the pool. And yes, I neglected to mention that it got dented, yeah. And then, of course, yeah, the easy question is here. How many people drank out of that cup after little babies were? Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, they ran a chlorox wiped through. It's fine. But maybe they didn't, right? Maybe they didn't. That's good point. And now I've got E. coli because your baby. Well, I know we bring it up a lot, but whatever Ovechkin did with that thing, it's worse than all that.

Oh, he had sex with it. I wouldn't doubt it. Yeah. He said he slept with it. I'm sure he didn't mean sexually, but I guess who knows. Yeah, there were other stories I heard over the years that weren't included in this Bro Bible article. And they're just stories, so you don't know that they're true. But players saying they incorporated it into a threesome.

Yeah. Do you know who would be a fun person to talk to is one of the Stanley Cup handlers? Because, you know, they don't just let that thing go out on its own. They've got a guy, I think it's even a team that travel with it. So there's probably a guy who spends his whole summer. coming from town to town with the cup. The guy with the bad haircut. Yeah.

Whatever his name is. He bet he's got stories. The guy with the bad hairdo has been handling that cup with the white gloves for decades. At the same, you might be right, Dana, but a dude with that haircut, I don't know. I don't know if I want him on the radio. That's a good point. Come on. Have you seen the guy's hairdo, Josh?

Maybe, yeah. What's he doing? Weirder things. I bet he's really weird. Oh, yeah. What's he doing to that cup in the hotel room the night before he goes to the next town? Oh, come on. he's got the same haircut that Greg the Hammer Valentine had

in the WWE in the mid-80s. It's 20 and 26. He's still wearing the same hairdo. The only guy who's allowed to have the same hairdo for that long, Josh, is Brian May. Oh, yeah, he can pull it off. All right. You know what we forgot to mention when North Carolina won the cup the other day

was the Minnesota connections on that roster. And you know how we masturbate up and down over any Minnesota connection to the... Yes, Jackson Blake. is an Eden Prairie High School graduate? 22 years old, so graduated not too long ago. You know how if we don't bring this kind of stuff up,

people will throw us out of the state of hockey. Kianre Miller graduated from Minnetonka High School. F, the skippers. Mike Riley, although I don't think he had a lot of playing time. Mike Riley's a former Golden Gopher, Chanhassen Native. He gets his name on the cup.

He played a little bit in the playoffs, but unless I'm wrong, I don't think I saw much of Mike Riley towards the ass end of that playoff run, but hey, he contributed. I'm not trying to take anything away from the guy. Riley would be the 15th former gopher player or coach to win the Stanley Cup. It's also the fifth year in a row that a former golden gopher has raised the cup.

And that goes in order like this here. Eric Johnson in 20 and 22. Phil Kessel, 2023 skis. Kyle Oposo. 20 and 24. Nate Schmidt last year. Yep. And then you go with Mike Riley.

Kyle Oposo. If that dude stuck around, I think the Golden Gophers would have done some damage. That dude was a terrific college hockey player. We just didn't get to see enough of it. Kind of like Thomas Vannick. Yep. I mean, those guys were just dominant.

Him and I went to the U of M at the same time, and he did some damage on the ice. He did some damage at the bars, let me tell you. would think so. You're talking about Kyle O'Poso. Yep. Seems a lot of those hockey players kind of have that reputation. Oh, yeah.

I don't doubt it. They'd walk in. Some of it, for sure. Oh, yeah. Sometimes when the hockey players would walk in, you'd be talking to a girl, they're like, all right, I'm just going to give up now. I got nothing.

Baudet fishing guy, Jesus says, I got to drink out of the cup when T.J. O'She brought that pig to War Road, and he said, and you know what? There was baby poop in it. Oh. That's still worth it. The alcohol will kill that.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, man. Stanley Cup was on the lake. My parents have a cabin on with Ryan McDunna in 20 and 21. These are text messages from our listing audience. People have gotten to handle that damn thing. Never seen it in person. Saw it in person in 91 when the stars were playing the Penguins.

They had it at a hotel here in town. And we went to look at it like a bunch of dorks. Tried to make out the names. And I think I've seen a model of it at the Minnesota. What do they call it up in Evaliff? The United States Hockey Hall of Fame, yeah. Saw it up there once too. Yeah, the guy that takes care of the Stanley Cup,

according to CFH base player Jesus, the guy that takes care of the Stanley Cup, I'm told his name is Phil. Looks like he cuts his own hair. Yeah, he does. There's no excuse for that at this point. I mean, you're a grown man, you're on television once a year to hand out the cup,

get a grown person's haircut. Now on the basketball side of things, Nick's fans with newborn babies are naming the poor things, Jalen and Brunson and O.G. and Carl and Mikhail and this and that. Any Danhausens? No, they've ignored Danhausen completely.

That's unfortunate. They're naming all they babies after the New York Nick players who just claimed that world title. Even names like, okay, what do you think of this, Josh? a little baby girl named Bruncina. Yeah, I don't know if I like this too much, but that's not my call. What about Hart?

Yeah. One couple kidded around by saying that their baby would be named Jalen, Bruncina, Hart Bridges, O.G. Cat, Alvarado, Shemette Robinson, McBride Clarkson. That's awesome. That's good. Kid would have hard time when they're learning how to spell their names. And if they play sports, good luck getting that on the back of a journey. Thursday will be fun when they have the parade in New York.

Oh, my God. What do they call it? The canyons? They call it something. Yeah. There's a thing, yeah. You're going to call it fun? I think it's going to be fun.

I hope it's fun. I hope it turns out fun. I do. But I don't have, I'm not holding my breath on that. Hell of a series opener last night for the twins. All they do is launch rods. Hell, I think they hit eight dongs in the three-game series with St. Louis over the weekend. Last night they put two more baseballs up into the bleachers.

Half of their hits were home runs last night. Yeah. Wasn't a lot of hits in last night's ball game. Nine total? Yep, nine total. And three were home runs. Josh. Two by the twins, one for Texas.

Josh Bell hit a three-run job. Buck, two. Well, not two home runs, but Buck also. Yep. And the twins beat the Rangers in the first to three. Zifinal was four to two. Buck has 23 already. He is.

He's on pace for what? 50. Six of his last nine games, he's went yard. Yes, 23 dongs. He's won away from the big league leaders, which is Yordaun Alvarez. Who's having a monster year for the Astros, yeah. And Kyle Schwabur.

Yep. they have one more than Buck. His slugging percentage is over 600. I mean, he's just crushing it right now. Stay healthy, Buck. Yep, stay healthy indeed. That's all-star stuff right there. It is.

He should be, and I read an article saying that he's not getting a lot of votes, which isn't surprising because the twins are the twins. I read he's fourth in voting yesterday among outfielders in the Yale. That's better than I thought. They'll take more than three, obviously. Well, that's way better than I thought. He should make, I mean, I think the, when they, he may not make it as a starter, but he'll make it as a backup.

So. I mean, who else on the twins would make it? Maybe Joe Ryan, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if Joe Ryan would make it. Yeah, maybe. I think Buck is the only logical choice. I was impressed by the pitching last night. So this Paredes guy started her off, he did all right, he puts in four and two-thirds

innings, and then you go, Where do you go from there? You go Rogers, Morris, Orsey, and Gomez. Yeah. Gomez has been pretty good. They did wonderfully. Yeah. Wonderfully.

That's too bad for Paredes because if he gets one more out and gets to five innings, then he gets to win. So that's unfortunate that he got pulled with one out away from the possible chance to get the win. That would have been his first win, I believe. as a pro. You add in a couple of nice plays in the field, and it adds up to a pretty well-played ballgame. Kyler Fedkoe made his Major League debut for the Twins as the left fielder.

He went 0 for four. He struck out a couple of times. Yeah. Zebby Matthews tonight against Kumar. Rocker. Rocker. Sweet. It's been around forever for Texas.

Name sounds familiar. Young guy. He's been, I mean, I think he was on their roster when he was like 19. He's been around forever. Here's a little known stat, I guess. Or I don't know how to set that up. Maybe a lot of you are aware of this. I wouldn't have been able to tell you this.

Byron Buxton has 23-yard sales. 20 of them are solo shots. He likes to work alone. Either he leads off. Sometimes he's led off, though, too. Sure. So that's part of it. And he's your American League player of the week, Randy Schaeber.

As he should be. He's really playing well. It's going to be an interesting, I mean, you know, I hate to not even to July yet, but I'm sure the trade discussions will start happening when we get close to the trade deadline. And there's so much conversation there was earlier about would Buxton agree to a deal and possibly go back home to Atlanta because the Braves are off to such a great start and maybe play for a playoff team. to finish out his career.

That's going to be a discussion that will likely will hear a lot about the next 30 days or so because if he continues to play like this, he's going to be super valuable. I know the twins are hoping that Bell can play really well over the next month or so, because that would make him valuable at the trade deadline. too. I mean, there's a lot of these moving parts that we're going to start seeing

over the next month, especially if the twins continue to be somewhat of a contender, too. Yeah. Listeners want to know who has the worst haircut, the Stanley Cup guy with the white gloves by the name of Phil, or Mark Davis, the owner of the Las Vegas. Mark Davis, not even close. I know as a bald guy, I probably shouldn't say anything, but I'd rather be bald. What is he doing? I don't know. I don't get it.

Why does he do that? in the world. He could afford the fanciest of all hair stylists. What's he doing? He's puts a bowl on his head. Yeah. Maybe he's frugal in that regard. Right.

That is terrible. Is this true? Kumar Rocker? This can't be true. Kumar Rocker is John Rocker's son? No, no. Come on. No, no.

That's not true, is it? It is not. You know that for sure, John? I looked it up. I thought this has got to be a joke. John Rocker was a puk bag. Right. Last night, Chicago Cubs center fielder Pete Crow Armstrong became the first player this season to hit for the Sisycle.

Here's how it worked out, Randy Schaver. Dong to lead off the game. Triple in the third, double in the fifth, single in the seventh. I mean, that's pretty much a pure backwards hit for the cycle, right? single double, triple, Homer. They just went backwards. Yeah, he went backwards with that pig. Homer triple double single.

Yeah. And he got picked off a first after he got the single. That's hilarious. Yeah. You said that's the one regret from the night. I saw a cycle of the Saints game. Didn't even realize what was happening. At the Saints game.

Yeah, they were up. It was back in the old days. I played at Midway. Yeah. And we were there drinking beers, you know, kind of checking it on the game. I think they're up like 9 to 2. It's late in the game. A guy hits a single.

the crowd's going crazy. It wasn't like an RBI single or anything. You just got the single. And something goes, yeah, dude, you just hit for the cycle. I go, oh, cool. That is cool. Glad I got to see it. Totally knew what was happening.

Crow Armstrong is the first player to hit the cycle since who? Since Buck. That's right, Byron Buxton last year. F me. I forgot he did that. Byron Buxton last July. All right. Here's everything wrong with soccer in one headline.

Brace yourself, Dana. Cool, I love this. I love the Vuvuzela thing. Sounds like a beehive. Yeah, it does. It does. I dig that, though. I'm a fan of that instrument.

Here's everything that wrong, everything that's wrong with soccer. Cabo Verde pulled off, this is a headline. Cabo Verde pulled off a historic world. Cup upset with their zero-zero tie against Spain. You're calling it historic when you didn't even score a goal? That's the dumbest thing I've read all day. Very historic. Is their first ever World Cup, the third smallest nation to ever be in the World Cup?

And they're going against a reigning European champion Spain? They didn't score a goal. They didn't give up a goal. They were favored to lose by seven. So it means nothing. They got a point. It means nothing. They got a point.

Do you think the announcers? You should not get a point for not scoring a goal. Do you think the announcers are on their phones texting a lot and stuff since they don't have very much to do? I've always kind of wondered. Oh, my God. Like, it would be tough to. They're on Pornhub. They have to be, right?

They're very locked in. They're balancing checkbooks and... You're calling a zero-zero-zero soccer game? I can't think of a worse gig. Oh, if you watched the last 10 minutes of that game, the announcers were frantic. Frantically searching porn. Frantically playing with themselves. they didn't even get on the board, and they're calling it a historic upset

because they tied somebody. That's everything that's wrong with soccer right there. Yes, they're the smallest country ever. I never heard of them. Cabo, Wabby, what the hell did I say? Wabby-dabby. It's in the ocean there somewhere. Wabby-dabby.

Give me a break. It was awesome. But they were favored to lose, or maybe favored as a wrong word. They were expected to lose by seven. Oh, that was supposed to be the gong show of a game. So they're talking about the story before. the pregame show is talking about it, and how wonderful it is that they're here.

The fact they even qualified is such a huge deal. I mean, so much of them back home. And then the host asked Carly Lloyd, US soccer legend, she goes, Carly, but do they have a chance today? And she goes, I mean, it's a good story, but no. So the fact that they're able to hold the Spaniards to not scoring a goal is pretty amazing.

But I understand why non-soccur fans think it's stupid. That's just the dumbest thing I've heard all day long. Now, here, I guess, here is some true background. Let's go back to baseball if you don't mind. The guy who's pitching tonight against the twins, he's playing for what team are they playing again? Texas.

Texas. The dude who's pitching for Texas tonight by the name of Kumar Rocker. Now, I think I have some real history on the kid. Alistair says this is a true story. His parents named him Kumar after the movie, Harold and Kumar go to White Castle because it was their first date. Oh, my God. I love that.

A listener claims that's a true story. I don't know if it is or not, but I'm going to know, I want to believe. They loved that movie so much. They decided. I think it's a joke. Oh, for F's sake. Come on. Why can't we have nice things?

Is there another Harold and Kumar, is go to White Castle the first one? Yeah, there's been three of them. But that's the first? Yeah, the Harold and Kumar go to White Castle is the first. And there's a Harold and Kumar go to Guantanamo Bay. And then like a very Harold and Kumar Christmas. So was the first one, Based on a well-received novel, I'm going to guess not.

Because if that's the case, so he's born in 1999, Kumar Rocker, as Harold and Kumar came out in 2004. Okay, so it must be false. How do you say that, Josh? It must be a made-up story. That's it. I'm not dedicating any more air time to Kumar Rocker. Because no one can tell us the truth.

He's such a mystery, this Kumar Rocker. All right, back to soccer real quick. Here's a quote from Mike Ditka. If God wanted man to play soccer, he wouldn't have given us arms. It's apparently a direct quote from Mike Ditka. Play that Vuvu Zala, Josh. Never had one lesson. Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Randy Shabbard, you can relax. Texas Tech quarterback Brendan Sorsby. the college quarterback who bet on ball games and then gotten a lot of trouble for it. He decided to, he's decided now to can any future plans to play more college football. He's up and made plans to apply for something called the NFL supplemental draft. This is the best situation for everybody. We talked about this a week ago or so. Yep, gets him out of college football that gets away from all the, all the,

all the conversation that was having, they were having with all the Texas Tech opponents. Yeah. And it puts the pressure really on the NFL. Which NFL team would choose this guy to play for them in the supplemental draft? I'm going to say he doesn't even get picked. Oh, yeah? I don't know.

I mean, would you want that circus on your roster? I don't know. I know the kid's a good player. Probably not. But would you really want that circus on your roster? Probably not. So it takes the pressure away from Texas Tech in college football. It puts it on the NFL and then let the NFL decide whether they want the kid to be on the roster.

There you go. There you frigging go. I've seen some comparisons of this guy with Art Schleister. I was just going to bring up Art Schleister. The former Ohio State quarterback who obviously, I think he even went to prison for all the stuff that he was doing. Yeah, that turned out to be just a disaster. Great college quarterback, but he had a gambling problem.

Terrible. Isaiah Thomas and Michael Jordan. They've had a weird, hateful rivalry now for, what, 40 years? But they finally just hook up and get it over with? Are these two going to bang? I don't know. Isaiah Thomas takes every opportunity he can to try and dismiss Mike Jordan in his career, which I enjoy.

I do. I'm not saying it's right, but I enjoy it because I don't like Michael Jordan. I think he's a world-class prick. But anyway, 40 years they've been doing this back and forth. Recently, Isaiah Thomas was on somebody's podcast or something,

and he was asked if he liked seeing Michael Jordan featured on NBC programming this basketball season. He was asked, how do you feel about the idea of bringing in more legends and having them be more involved on a daily basis with today's NBA? And Isaiah Thomas said, well, only if they're going to be 100% honest and not promote this BS. And what he's referring to is the flu game.

The infamous Michael Jordan flu game. What was at, the 96 finals? against the Utah Jazz where oh, Mike was so sick, but he played and he played well and he hit the winning bucket. The flu game, if you're a basketball fan, you've heard of it. So Isaiah said he's fine with Mike and other characters like that being on television if they tell the truth. The flu game, he said, we know he didn't have the flu, but they promote it.

I'm just down for honesty and telling the truth about what it is we're seeing. bring the folks who are going to be honest and tell the truth, not this BS. Boy, do they hate each other. It's amazing how long this grudge. But I know a couple people, do you know people who can hang on to a grudge for a really unhealthy length of time? Certainly. Oh, dude. Me too.

Me too. And does this really, I mean, does this all go back to Mike? This is the story I heard. Mike made sure that Isaiah wasn't on the dream team? I think that's what... I think that sounds familiar. I mean, they had the rivalry on the court, of course. The Pistons and the Bulls had a deep, dark...

Oh, man, they kicked his ass. Yes, and I loved watching Mike get his ass kicked during the Bad Boys era. So the dream team was what, 94? 92. 92. I heard that that was what set Isaiah off was when Mike said, hey, I'll play for that dream team as long as Isaiah's not there. It's kind of unfortunate.

If that's true, that's... You got any old grudges you guys want to bring up? Anyone back from grade school, you want to kick their ass to this day? I think all of my grudges have passed away. You win. Are they gone? You've outlived them all? I think so, yes.

There's one or two girls that I just like don't like and I never will. It doesn't matter. And it stems from grade school, junior high? Yeah. They were just, like, messed up, though. They're not. Like, I don't even think I can say it on air. It was just so, like, depressing.

How mean they were. So if you saw them today. Like, ew, like, you're a bad person. Yeah. I know some people like that. It's kind of unsettling at times to bring back something from so long ago. I mean, I'm in my 50s now. and some of my guy friends

you bring up an old name from grade school junior high and they'll be you know you can see their face change like whatever happened back then and it wasn't anything that would end up in the papers you know it wasn't like a horrible crime just

conflict from 6th 7th grade is still pretty fresh it's odd to me or they'll say this oh that some bitch made the A team he didn't deserve to make the A team that oh that's a little When we were squirts, he made the A team, I made the B team. Like, things like that.

Kind of unsettling. I remember being in college and out at the bars and somebody goes, hey, some of those guys from Appa Valley High School, you know, so-and-so, they're over there. I go, cool, let's go talk to them. We're not in high school anymore, but we can all be friends. You know, it's fine. How long ago was this? This is when I was in college.

Oh, in college. Yeah. Well, you're still a little young and a little quirky. Yeah. A little quirky, but yeah. I was like, I don't care. What are you going to go kick their ass? You should have started a brawl.

Yeah. Looking back, that would have been kind of fun. That sounds like a lot more fun, yeah. We would have won, too. I doubt it. Oh, yeah, you bring your posse, you'll bring my posse, Ashley. It's brawl. Deal.

A bunch of four-year-olds is out of breath after throwing one punch. East Winstead, Jesus says he wouldn't call it a grudge, but Howard Lake can suck it. Sure. Here we go. Smoke your mom's... Pine City and... Pine City, Rush City. Of course, that's alive and well.

Right. Smokes your mom's pot, Jesus. I still remember... I'll get there. I'm going too fast. Smokes your mom's pot, Jesus, says, I still remember the guy that beat my 622 mile by, I don't understand this language. He ran a mile in six minutes and 22 seconds? Yeah, it's right.

Okay. He says, I still remember the guy that beat my record by 11 seconds. Total douchebag. I wonder if I'm that person for anybody. Like I, like somebody still hates me. It's been like 15 years and they hate me that much. But you didn't mean not to Jesus. Ashley, he texts the same thing.

He's saying, I hope I'm no one's grudge. Kind of frightening. Yeah, I got to be at least, yeah, I can think of one. That was a bad. I was bad. I could picture you collecting enemies back in the day, actually. Yeah, yeah. I was roped into doing something that was very, very, very mean.

And I still feel bad about it until this day. It was so bad that the, the assistant principal or whatever she was doing. She didn't, like, call my mom to come pick me up. She didn't even tell my parents this was happening. She just, like, drove me home and dropped me off. She wanted to make sure you were out of it. She, like, came into the house with me, and my mom was like, who are you?

Like, oh, I work at the school. Your daughter's suspended. Actually, at first, I thought you were going to say, she didn't call my parents. She didn't do anything. She called the cops. Oh, God. No, no, no. Nothing that bad?

Nope. I have regrets over my behavior. I just hope that no one still holds a grudge against me for that behavior. You know, now that 40 years have gone by, 45 years possibly. You know, if you want to go all the way back to grade school, that's kind of frightening to think. But, you know, people have different, like I've told you this story before, a couple of gals I know. They're in their 40s, and they walk into a bar, and one of them says to the other, oh, God, there's Donnie Hogbauer.

Have you an insane last name? Donnie Hoggb, that S-O-B. Worst ever. He knows what he did. All those Hogbauer. Donny Hogbauer. They ran a hog-bauer's garage. They ran Hogbauer's garage over there.

They get your car car. Hogbauer Automotive. You guys never got your car fixed at Hogbowers? Not yet, no. Hogbauer's automotive on the corner of third and Main Street. So the two gals are in the bar. They're in their 40s. And the one gal says, oh, Jesus, balls.

There's Donnie Hogbauer. And the other gal says, oh, sure, yeah, from back in the day. you know, Donnie Hogbauer went to school with these two gals. So the second gal says, oh, sure, Donnie Hogbauer. I haven't seen him in a long time. And the first gal goes, oh, awkward. And the second gal says, why? What?

And the first gal says, well, in eighth grade, you know, we dated. Oh, my God. We dated. And the second gal says, yeah. What the hell is wrong? with you? Did you have his baby or something? If I was uncomfortable, but for the first gal, it was legitimate awkwardness. I just, I mean, everybody's wired different, but I can't imagine feeling anything for someone that I dated when I was 13 or 14 years old. 30 years later,

you still have some awkwardness. That throws me. I don't get that. I'm buddies with everybody that I dated in like middle school because it was hilarious. It was a funny time. There's just so many girls I dated in middle school. It's tough to keep track. I can't even remember the- Yes, Josh. You're such a heartbreaker.

Dating in middle school is so stupid. You weren't missing out on anything. But I'm sure at the time it felt like you were quite a bit. I had a weekend girlfriend where we said on Friday. This was sixth grade, Friday. We're like, we should go out. And then Sunday she called and broke up with me. Didn't even see her in between.

That's the only girlfriend I had up until, boy, I didn't have a girlfriend. Never mind. What did she do? There's a long time. What did she do? She agreed to be your girlfriend and then two days later she called you on the telephone? We agreed like at the end of the school day. What grade was this?

Sixth grade. Her friends made fun of her. And then when was your next girlfriend? Gosh, we are running so late. Sixth grade, she called you and said, I don't want to be your girlfriend. And when did you get your next girlfriend after that? senior year. Is that real close to sixth grade? That's 12th grade. That's 12th grade. There's quite a few years in the middle there. I guess if you want to be technical, yeah.

I knew this would happen. We got people texting in saying they got swindled over at Hogbauer's automotive. Oh, no. I'm calling the Better Business Bureau right now. They're saying they can't believe that I'm over here pushing Hogbowers when one guy said the garage over there, Hogbauer's garage tried to charge him for spark plugs in his diesel pickup. Crooked operation, they're saying. Everybody, come on, you're not going to fool a guy like that. Well, I wonder if it was Donnie. Donnie's the owner now, the guy that I mentioned.

He's the owner. His folks started the business. They died. Now, Donnie's running things over there at Hogbowers. You know, my sixth grade girlfriend, my wife reminded me, she ended up working with my wife and brought up that we had a brief dating relationship. Oh, man. Very brief.

Again, it was ours. Awkward. Right, Josh? That's right. She brought it up, huh? She did. Because my wife's like, hey, I work with an ex-girlfriend of yours. I'm like, he'd be more specific.

I mean, that list is long and distinguished. A lot of models on that list. And she brought up, I was like, we dated for 15 minutes in sixth grade. That's hilarious. She remembers that. I am so honored by this text message. I'm so honored by this text message from smokes. Again, with the smokes your mom's pot, Jesus has texted in again.

He says, I legitimately have a three-year-old girl that we call Donnie. No way. Because she's always getting into trouble. Her name is Elena, but we started calling her Donnie every time she did something wrong. All of Nick's friends named Donnie seem to also do bad things. So now we call her Donnie since she's always getting into trouble. Perfect. That is the most heartfelt, important text message I've ever received here at the radio station.

That's super fun. To know the influence that we've had on this man's everyday life job. Yeah, I would say Donnies and Missies. Nobody's met more Donnie's and Missies than you. You know them all. Another guy texted in, said he went to Hogbauer's automotive, turned in his F-150, and he woke up an hour later his pants were unbuttoned. He doesn't know what this.

He sat down in the waiting room. He turned in his F-150 to have some breaks. He woke up his pants were on button. Oh, no. That'll happen. That'll happen at Hogdowles. If you have good automotive insurance, that's what you're going to get. Oh, man.

Another guy says he, people texting in saying they went to school with the Hogbauer, one of them went to college with Donnie Hogbauer. This person here says, Some bitch could drink. He says Hogbauer, it's a bunch of crooks. They charge me for blinker fluid, and I had just filled it myself the day before.

Basters. I didn't mean to, you know, I mean, what are they saying in the business, Josh? The opinions of the host is not reflective of the overall representation, You know, that whole... There's a disclaimer there. What are you looking up? I made sure there wasn't one.

Oh, you did? Okay, good. I checked. I just looked up to... A couple different spellings, yeah. I wanted to make sure there's no hog behind the modem locally. Yeah, that crossed my mind, too, Josh. That would be funny.

I panicked for a second there when I realized, oh, no, there could be one. There's no hot. All right, hog donk. That was Randy's nickname for a while, you know. Oh, yeah. Majors gave me that. Paul Majors used to call Randy. Randy Schaeber, hog donk.

Hogdunk. Because he's nothing but a cornflake from frigging Iowa. Yeah. Nothing but barrels and gilts and hog markets and whatnot. Henry Cornstock and hogdonk. Hey, hey, cornstalk. Why don't you grab a cup of coffee for the mayor? Oh, funny.

Major's kicked your ass pretty good back in the day, didn't he? Oh, he did. It was awesome. Tell him we said word life. Funny dude. He's a good man. We will talk you tomorrow, Randy Shaver. Sounds good.

much. Hogbauer's Automotive will bring you our next segment on the half hour. What do you call this program? Half-ass morning show. We bear it back. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play.

If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. One night with Stiney. Shout out, Fullson, Nell. This is just about me being myself.

It's going to be chaotic. I can't guarantee anything. All I can guarantee is that you're going to be entertained. How can I join OVO? You can keep DMing Drake or keep paying. By the way, I like O'I. I do that. I know you DM Drake all the time.

I know you know that. You paid me $3,000 on Venmo one time to text him for you. Dude. One night with Stiney. One night with Stine, baby. Let's go. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Morning show, 93X.

Welcome back to the show. We've just been informed by our promotions director, who in my opinion is pretty much the best promotions director that a radio show could ask for. Dude, you're not kidding. You're probably right. The brains of the operation. The brains of the operation, says, Cubby. And that's coming from the guy who's the brains of the operation. No, no, no, no.

Our promotions director has informed us that there are now, as we speak, three tickets remaining for our 93X booze crews. Coming up on July 10th, our Independence Day, Booz crews. Three tickets remain. Who wants to be our final, final three? You go to 93X.com and claim them because they about to be all gone. And this time it's for real skis. all gone. I can bring two of my friends. Yay. It's $25 a ticket. Let's say you want to bring one of your friends.

What would that cost? I'm paying for my own. Yes. $50. What if you wanted to bring two of your friend? I only want to pay for one. The other one's on his own. He's kind of a jerk. But if I were going to... If you were going to pay for all of them. My math says that would be $75. Yay. Yay. Well, that's wonderful. Thanks for the information, Amy. That's the name of our promotions director. And thanks for all your hard work on this. Three tickets remain. And thanks to everybody who's purchased them. This is great. If you didn't already hear, we

had to double the size of the boat. The first one sold out quicker than we imagined. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Looking forward to it. You got to be 21. Don't be a dick. Don't be a flatliner. Don't be a friggin' flatliner. Okay, we had a conversation earlier about old grudges. We talked a little bit

about old grudges, and we also talked about awkward encounters. here are some text messages that have come in on both Josh panel bitch Jesus says I had a girlfriend in high school I graduated 24 years ago

he says I had a girlfriend in high school broke up with her to this day if I see her parents in town they avoid me like the plague 24 years ago. Jeez.

Wow. Another listener says, I just went to my 40-year class reunion. That would make you, if my arithmetic serves me, 57 or 58 years old. I just went to my 40-year class reunion, and there is a classmate who still hates me for going out with his girlfriend while we were in high school. Dude, they could be married right now. Wow. Wow.

They could be dead right now. 40 years. 40. That's got to be miserable to have. that much hate you can hang on to or that there hasn't been enough that's happened since then that you could totally forget about it. And we all said we know people who, oh, they hang on to that.

They hang on and they're going to hang on until the bitter end. All right. Josh told us a cute story when we were discussing grudges, awkward encounters. Josh told us that he had a girlfriend for a couple of days in sixth grade. She agreed to be your girlfriend. A couple days went by. She called the home telephone and told you it was over.

I was excited. You know, my mom was like, hey, so-and-so's on the phone. I was like, oh, hell yeah, you mean my girlfriend. Oh! And that was about it. My new girlfriend. I'm so excited to talk to her. This is great.

My boo. I came up with that. I came up with that in 1986. You were the first one? I came up with boo. Josh. You know who can relate? monkey spank Jesus.

Oh, really? He had a girlfriend for about a week. And it was only because the night before he sat down with a couple of girls and played truth or dare. Are you following what happened there? Yeah. He only had a girlfriend because it was part of a game of truth or dare. Oh, so she, I was picturing he did, okay, she did the dare.

Dang it, that sucks. I'm sorry, man. girl was dared to date him, and she did. That was the girlfriend that he kept for a week. We played that game. We played that game. We did that kind of, that kind of stuff. But in the 80s, like, they'd fall in love. Yes.

Oh, everyone did that kind of stuff. Are you talking about dating someone for a joke? Yeah. Yes, we all did that. That was the whole. It is terrible. We never did that. What?

You never had that? Oh, who? Donnie, my boyfriend. I'm just dating him for a joke. No one said that at your grade school? Maybe just we had far less kids than you guys. And this text says I had a girl tried to give me an H.J. in fifth grade and I didn't even have a penis yet. Played Bloomer.

Oh, and finally on the topic of grudges, former radio guy Jesus texted in to say, I really hope I live in someone's head rent free like that. Pardon me, that's not how he wrote it. I really hope that I live in someone's head rent free. even after all these years because that means I did it right. Yeah, you perfected something. That's one way to look at it. All right, let's keep going with this.

These are apparently normal things that feel embarrassing for no logical reason. These are normal things that feel embarrassing for no logical reason. Go ahead and give me your thoughts. A website dump this out. Go ahead and give me your thoughts. Like maybe on a scale of 1 to 10, how uncomfortable or are embarrassed are you by these normal things. Okay.

Trying to park in a tight parking place. Yep. This just happened to me this past weekend again. Really? But it mostly happens whenever I'm the one driving my husband's truck. I don't want to park that truck anywhere. It's too big and sketchy. It scares me.

There's never enough room. Trucks should only park where there's nobody next to them. It just stresses me out. You didn't give me a number. I said scale of one to ten. Like a ten. Josh? I have, I'll tell you, we were at a grad party once, and this poor gal, she, everybody's staring at her.

It's on a cul-de-sac. So everybody's staring at her vehicle, she pulls in, right? New person's coming in. And she was trying to parallel park, and it was so bad. And she kept, like, looking to see if folks were looking. And at this point, there's a crowd gathered cheering for her. Stop it. You can get it.

You can do it. No. And, I mean, I think she just eventually decided I'm not even going to the grad party. I don't remember. I would have left, yeah, 100%. She pulled away. Parking in a tight spot, Josh, scale of 1 to 10, how uncomfortable or embarrassed does it make you?

I'm fine with it. Okay. Stretching on your own before a workout class begins. I've never once stretched outside of in gym class when they make you. Oh, really? That doesn't make me uncomfortable at all. No, that's kind of normal behavior. Stretching doesn't exist in my world.

That's what you do at the gym. Trying on shoes at the shoe store. Why would that be embarrassed? That's what you do. I don't know. See, this, I guess, yeah. I'm asking you guys, because you guys have all admitted that you're kind of nervous, awkward people at times. You get to social anxiety and things like that.

I'd say like a four or a five on that one. For some reason, it feels like I'm not supposed to be doing it. I don't know why. If I was doing it at a grocery store, where it didn't make any sense. Although, I guess I do get self-conscious about how I walk. You know, I walk up the aisle and then back to the aisle. and then back down the aisle. Yeah, these suckers feel good or whatever.

Oh, when you put the shoes on. Well, I love your story from a couple of winters ago where you admitted that when you leave tracks in the snow, it makes you anxious because you assume that whoever follows you, the next person to walk your path is going to judge your footsteps in the snow. Like, judge? Yes. I've never heard anything like that in my life.

I remember that day. So if you guys can't relate to, stretching or trying on shoes. And there are people who are in much worse shape than you because this made the report of normal things that feel embarrassing for no logical reason. Good that you don't feel anxiety or nervousness when trying on shoes or stretching on your own.

Going through the TSA checkpoint at the airport. 1 to 10. How nervous, anxious, embarrassed are you? Like a 7. Oh, really? I'll put a 5 just because I'm always, I don't travel enough to really understand how it works. You don't got the rhythm down?

Yeah, and I don't want to slow things down, and it goes so fast, and sometimes they're cranky. Yeah, I'm always afraid I'm going to get yelled at. I really pissed off a guy on our last trip because I forgot to take my belt off. You know, usually, like, the first person, the person working in the front there will say, okay, make sure you don't have wallachies, that kind of thing. Right. And I'm not saying it's their fault. I should have known better, but that wasn't said. And I go through there, and the dude that had the wand was furious with me.

He wasn't furious. Oh, he was so, that's my wife. He was so mad at me that I forgot the belt. I felt like a jackass. I completely forgot. And then that's the guy he grabbed my penis and my testicles. So you went home a winner. I follow my wife's lead because I'm like you, Josh.

I don't understand the rules of that TSA thing. Okay. Doing yard work in the front of your house where everyone in the neighborhood can see you. That doesn't bother me for some reason, I guess. Okay. I feel like a. A suburbanite when I do something. Yeah, anything, it makes me feel like cool.

Like, yeah, you see what I'm doing? I'm me. I really embarrassed myself from the front yard last fall. I got one of those leaf vacuums, you know, that sucks up the leaves and shreds them and puts them in the bag behind you. Yeah, you want another one? No, I got one. You don't like yours? That's stupid.

But anyway, go ahead. So, anyway, first time I fired it up and I'm sucking the leaves or going in. I can hear them crunching. I'm like, oh, this is great. And then all of a sudden I realized I didn't close the bag. So I was just sucking up leaves. It was just spraying. A good confetti behind me.

That's fantastic. I know. I called my wife and I'm like, can you pull that video from the doorbell cam? Unfortunately, the batteries were out, but I so wanted to show you guys that video of me just acting all confident, just sucking up leaves. It's just like a glitter bomb blew up behind me of leaves. I would love that. Did you already say if somebody saw that? Oh, no, yeah.

The battery wasn't working on the camera. But I mean, like, oh. Any neighbors or anything? No, I should ask the neighborhood group if anybody caught that on camera. All right, we're rolling through supposedly normal things that feel embarrassing for some people. Normal things that feel embarrassing for no logical reason. Next on the list is, okay, now I think we're getting into some stuff. Okay, you guys aren't bothered by doing the yard work, the TSA thing.

Yeah, a little bit of embarrassment. Trying on shoes? No. Stretching, no. Sitting at a restaurant while the staff sings happy birthday to you. Oh, that's very important. I hate that. I kind of feel bad for them, too.

I used to love doing it when I was a server. I used to love singing happy birthday to people. Well, that's good to know. I just assumed none of them wanted to do that, and they all had better things to do. Yeah, they would usually come and get me wherever I was in the restaurant. It was like, hey, it's somebody's birthday. I'm going to need you over here.

Bringing the clothes are, Ashley. And I'm going to bet that they probably don't care if I have a happy birthday or not. They don't. They don't. I always feel bad for the people at Texas Roadhouse. I love that place. They work so hard. You mentioned it a lot.

And then they have to line day. Oh, they do? Yeah. Like, I think it's like once every hour or something, and I always look at their faces to see, like, if they're secretly miserable, but they look happy. They look like they like doing it. What about the people at the fair that have to dance every hour on the hour?

Do you think they get sick of that routine? Yeah, yeah. I haven't seen that. Oh, yeah, that's a famous bit. I'm sure it is. Yeah. At the, uh, back to the 50s or something like that one of those cafes? Not coasters, the one down the, they do the grease lightning.

Yeah. Oh, you didn't know that one. opening presence in front of other people. Yeah. Hate it. Yeah. I don't like it. That's at least like a five or six.

Even if I really love it, I think like the way I act make it seems like I'm faking, loving it. Like I'm trying to be convincing that I love it and it comes across like I don't like it. You got problems. You know? Yeah. Driving, this was an odd one to me, driving over a speed bump. Why would anybody ever be embarrassed about that? I get it.

I get it. Why? I don't know. I understand what they're like, I don't, yeah, why is that weird for me? Are we just going to come to the conclusion that everything makes you nervous? Yeah, I'm a really nervous person. Well, first off, I'm just happy that it's a speed bump and not something else. You know what I mean?

Like a dog or a child. I guess not nervous. Nervous is a bad way to describe it. Yeah, nervous is different. Embarrassing. Embarrassed, yeah, sorry. That's what we're talking about here, embarrassing. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't have me hop in my little car. The 93X half-ass morning show. Let's close this pig out. Let's get her done. We've been talking about normal things that feel embarrassing for no logical reason. I've been asking you folks, you know, on a scale of 1 to 10, how embarrassed do any of these things make you? Some people were clearing up that going over a speed bump thing. We were wondering, why in a million years would that be embarrassing?

Right. And this is a very good point. People are saying it's probably meaning where you didn't see you. it and all of a sudden you go over it. That is funny. Okay, I could see that being very embarrassing for sure. Knock the D right out of your hand. You're startled first and then you're looking around like,

everybody thinks I'm the biggest dumbass in this parking lot or wherever you are. Then I'm pissed at the people who wrote this article because they could have been more clear with that. Yeah, they should have put that in there. That totally makes sense. All right, coughing in a quiet public place. You got a problem with that? You get embarrassed? During the pandemic, that was rough.

Oh, yeah. Never really worried about it too much. to the bathroom in a crowded restaurant. Everyone knows you're going to take a... I don't mind that. You're not embarrassed by that? No, they've been there. That guy's been there for seven minutes.

Oh, yeah, that would maybe be the more embarrassing thing is if you're in one of those joints, it just has one head. And, you know, a lot of the older restaurants, they don't... They never... They came from an era where you didn't hide the bathrooms, right? Newer places, where's the bathroom? all the way down this long haul to keep the smell away. Right?

Yeah. Older joints, sometimes the bathroom might be right smack dab in the middle of the restaurant, right? So that would be the embarrassing part for me. If you go in there for a friggin' poke, like 20 minutes or something, like you're not feeling well. A line starts to form. You know there's somebody in that restaurant who noticed how long ago you went in there. Oh, and then maybe a line might. People are going to place across the street for the bathroom.

Well, yeah, they're pissing in the plants and whatnot because they can't get in there. giving a customer service representative a long account number. Does that come off embarrassing for any of you? Just annoying. No, not at all. I get oddly embarrassed. I guess there's really no other word to describe it when I have to give some of my email because for some reason I decided to make it the longest email in the world.

Okay. Or sometimes, you know, people make their email when they're young, you know, younger folks, obviously. And it's just a ridiculous email address. Google's letting you change that now because you get it. Yeah. You apply for a new job and it's, like butt muncher 420 or something like that. My roommate once, a place I lived in after college, he set up the Wi-Fi and he made a very

profane password. One day the Wi-Fi goes out so the guy comes over to fix it. And he goes, yeah, all right, I just needs your mobile or your network name and your password. And I look at him, I go, you set it up, you read that password to him. I'm not doing it. Yeah, you don't want to get involved in that. No, I'm like, that's on you, man. Well, I mean, the good news here again, and I mentioned this already, that quite a few of these examples,

you folks have all said, well, no, why would you be embarrassed by that? That's good news. You know, what it makes you think, well, Christ, you know, I'm not so bad off after all, right? By the way, back to telephone calls. Does every telephone on planet Earth now have a delay? Sometimes worse than others, yeah. Yeah, I think they all have a little bit of one. Yeah, so when talking about this, giving an account number to a,

a service rep, right? I've been having some conversations with my doctor's office lately. And, you know, you just can't have a friggin' normal conversation anymore because everything, to me, every call I make, there's a delay. So maybe it's my telephone. Even when I call my frigging wife, there's a delay when the two of us are talking. That's the worst. So that's talking all over each other.

Yeah, that does make it awkward. And if you're trying to give someone an account number or something, right? You're stopping and starting and, you know, they're talking. You're trying to read the... Or when there's an awkward pause. Like, you tell your doctor, well, what's going on? Well, my penis is leaking. And then they just sits there for a couple of seconds after you say something like that.

But on their end, they're talking right on time. Right. Reading anything out loud to people is listed here as something that feels embarrassing for no logical reason. Reading out loud to people. That doesn't bother. me. We found one that doesn't bother you. You're cured, Ashley. There was a couple earlier.

Listeners texted in and said, when I go to the gas station and I pay for something or another, putting my money back into my wallet. I get real embarrassed and I feel awkward. Oh, yeah, like just trying to collect your stuff because you don't want to hold the line up? You try to jam it into your wallet as quickly as possible so the guy

behind you doesn't wet his pants, right? Same thing like a grocery store or something when you're bagging your own groceries, like trying to do it as fast as you can. Yeah. I hate it. When the person checking you out will put other person's stuff like in your section. Like you should be done by now kind of vibe. I'm sorry. Taking a driver's license photo.

Any photo for me is difficult. Blowing your nose in public. I just don't do that. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do it. You'll never see me blow my nose in public because I, after all these years, I still have absolutely no idea how to properly do that. When I went to school, it was normal for kids to like step in the hallway. so I've always just done that, like, leave the room if I need to blow my nose.

I do that here. That's why you leave the room? We thought it was gas. Oh, here's a good one. Walking back, when you're bowling, walking back to your seat. Yeah. I never know what to do with my hands. Right.

Me neither. Especially you just chucked back to back gutters. Well, if it's a strike, I have a planned celebration. The embarrassing part is if you only knock down one or two. Yeah. To me. Yeah, I don't know. If you get a strike, it'd be lucky.

Lucky strike. And if I came back, I'd like, well, I don't want to look like I'm too proud of myself or anything. You should be proud of your damn self. Reasonable. You give them the letter X with your forearm, baby. I've seen that. You stuff it in a stranger's face. I just pulled a strike, Fatso.

That's what you do. All right, we've got to get the hell out of here. You're a terrific crowd. By the way, our boat is sold out. So thanks again to 10K construction. We sold those final three tickets. It's all done. So thank you for those who bought tickets.

Can't wait to see it coming up just a little bit. That'll be fun. Oh, be damn. It would have been funny if those last three just never sold. We can quink it over the hump. This isn't a Creed concert, pal. People are buying tickets to this. Before we go, dual exhaust Jesus text in to say,

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