93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Hoots McCracken

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

Originally Aired March 17, 2026: Entertainer C Willi Myles. The return of Ashley...and she's high as balls. Everything you've ever wanted to know about Edward Forty Hands.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-assed morning show. Ninety-three. For the morning, too you. Tell him reading St. Patrick's Day.

I saw a leprecha. Just admit you're a lying, Carmen, so that everyone can go home. Oh, no. We have a deal, Cal. If I can prove there's a lepricon, you have to fuck my b***as, remember? Kiss me, I'm Irish. Happy St. Patrick's a. Fuck me.

It's a lepricund. It's showtime. Man, turn that down. Oh, sure. Go crazy. everybody. Let her buck. I completely forgot that that was today. Well, you've been a little out of sorts. Yeah, I've been going to do it. Almost a week, it seems. Hi guys. Hello, welcome back. God forsaken St. Patrick's Day. Binge drink until you puke all over yourself. Take some drugs,

maybe, some pills. I got some if you want some. Oh, I bet you got the good stuff. No, I don't. So anybody going to really go for it today? I mean, I know last Saturday was all the big stuff. Anyone I knew who was looking forward to partying, they destroyed themselves on Saturday and regretted it on Sunday. I was in St. Paul for the wild game last Saturday and was once I was walking into the arena, that's when I saw

all the people in Green and stuff that I realized people were celebrating St. Patrick's Day. Are you sure they just weren't wild fans? No, no, because like McGoverns was packed out the door with people dressed like leprechauns and stuff. I completely forgotten that that was the day. Yeah, my big kids were there and their goal was to hit every single

bar in St. Paul and have one or two drinks at each one. I haven't heard from them since. Oh, they're the perfect. I miss being like 22 on St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, you end up dancing around like a jagoff all by yourself at the bar, your friends find you dying of frostbite in the parking lot with your pants around your ankles. St. Patrick's Day. Covering in your puke, somebody else's puke. Come on, man, St. Patrick's Day.

One of the craziest St. Patrick's Day I ever had. I can't even remember where I was hanging out, probably at Shamrocks in St. Paul, And these people I was hanging out with, one of the guys promised, like, hey, let's go for it. I'll buy you an Uber back to your place. And I was like, all right, heck yeah, let's do it then. So I was ripping shots of Jameson. And then it was time to go home. And he was like, so where do you live?

And I was like, oh, blah, blah, blah. I live in Bayport. And he was like, I'm not paying for that. I was like, are you kidding me? So now I'm. Stuck. Completely hammered. My cars.

doubt. Like, what am I supposed to do? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. How far is Bayport from St. Paul? It's a decent amount. At least 35 minutes or so. Did this individual know that beforehand when he offered you an Uber ride? I can't remember if I mentioned it, but

I was like, you promised, and so I got hammered. This was a close friend or a complete stranger? It was actually somebody that used to work here, one of the back when we actually had promotion staff. Yeah, so one of the promotion staff? Yeah.

So what'd you do? How'd you get out of there? I sat on the sidewalk. Did you have to sleep your way back to Bayport? No, here's the thing. Hitchhiking. My phone was dead, so that was great. So I plugged it in in my car and then sat outside my car on the sidewalk because I didn't want to get in trouble for being even in like the passenger seat because I was so drunk.

And I just sat there for a good hour or two until I could finally call somebody to be like, hey, I need you to come rescue me. Was this the parade year? No, no, no, no. That was when I lived in Wisconsin. Oh, man. You know, you miss work tomorrow because he got the worst diarrhea of your life. St. Patrick's Day. A few people have planned it outright saying that today is their Friday,

and I wonder if that, get back to us, is that St. Patrick's Day related or it just kind of worked out that way? Could be. As you can hear, speaking of diarrhea, Ashley has returned from her sickness. What did you text us yesterday? You've been in and out of the hospital the last couple of days, and you saw some characters over there with the waiting. room? Yeah, it was pretty fun. Sometimes it was a little sad. I was like, oh, no, I don't know if that person's going to be all right. Everybody's had that experience, right, in the hospital waiting room

or the urgent care waiting room. I know I've seen some things. So what did you see? So my favorite part was this big guy, kind of looked a little, I don't know, disheveled, came walking in at like 11 p.m. at night and he goes I got hit in the jaw yesterday. I took one look at him and I thought you look like the type of guy that would probably deserve to be hit in the jaw. That makes sense. Did it look bad? I mean... No, I don't know. I don't understand why he was in. Maybe he just like had

trouble moving his jaw around. You wanted some pills. I saw a guy come in that speaking of pills swallowed a pill incorrectly. Pills are good. And so he was like like he sounded like he was blowing through a straw and I was like oh my God this poor guy

He couldn't get it down? It went down the wrong pipe Oh, ouch And then I saw something You know, it was kind of sad, pretty cool But Christ sake eat a sandwich Wouldn't that normally just push that pill down? I don't know

But somebody came running in with their kid Their kid was completely fine Kids just bleed a lot when they hit their head Came running in with their kid And it was kind of cool It was like the movies. The front desk people were like, oh, oh, we got a runner. We got a runner because she was just sprinting in and like everybody came up front and was all hands on deck.

I thought that was pretty badass. Are you on something right now? Are you just excited to be back? I'm really anxious still. I can tell. I got some medication yesterday. You're a naturally anxious person, but you were telling us off air that you're on some medication right now that makes you even more anxious? Yeah.

Josh, look at her. She's trembling. Well, it's not super uncount. I've noticed when you miss a couple days, you come back roaring to go. Yeah. So it's not completely unnatural, but you do seem a little more amped up. It's a little weird. Josh has been kind of cowering over here.

I don't want to get on her bad side. You're coming at us so hot right now. Well, I'm glad that you're doing okay because Dana texts me over the weekend and he's like, oh, you know, it looks like she's going to have to have her gallbladder out, according to your husband. And I thought, oh, no, I can't believe. it was that bad. I mean, I knew you weren't feeling well. And so luckily, that didn't happen. Yeah. Every time I have a stomach ache, this is the route they go, gallbladder. It's got to be her gallbladder. And when I went to urgent care, that's where I went to first, she did like some little touch on my stomach and I flinched in pain and she said, yep, your gallbladder needs to be

removed. That all right? Well, I guess. They just jumped to that. I'll go to the hospital. For women, it's a gal blatter, by the way. Just see you know. But yeah, I think they believe that because my dad had have his gallbladder removed and usually if your parents did you eventually will have to I guess I did not know so it's in or it's out it's in it's in it's in they kept it for you former baggage handling jesus said once he got a viagra stuck in his throat he got a stiff neck so uh you are back and we're happy to have you back but uh you're acting like you're on dope right now I haven't even had any caffeine either. I don't think you need any. I had like three hours of sleep, too.

I don't know what's going on. I bet you crash by 7.30. You think? Are we going to have to hit you with a bucket of cold water or something? I wish. That would feel so good. I told you I'm so hot right now. I can tell. I can tell she's high on meds because she's sitting in our studios right now just with a loose fitting t-shirt on and it's brutally cold outside and cold in here. So yeah, you can tell you're affected right now. Look at this. I got my.

My sweatpants rolled up too. Sweat pants. I wonder if we, what would happen, Covey, if we gave her some liquor. Oh, gosh. Did they tell you not to mix it? Even thinking about that makes me want to vomit. Yeah, you kind of look like you were going to puke. Well, whatever you're on is, I mean, you look and sound very spirited.

So it's working. It's a delightful little cocktail whatever you're on right now. You're glowing. Maybe you're pregnant again. No, stop. They, of course, they test for that first. and I did not feel good about that situation. I was like, no, there's absolutely no way,

but still waiting for that answer. There could be a way. I'm like, that would literally be the worst news you could tell me. Well, yeah, you just, I mean, you're down for the count for what? Is it six weeks? I can't remember what they tell you. Wait, what do you mean? Like you're out of business.

Oh, oh, when after you have your kids, sorry. Yeah, six weeks. Six weeks. We're talking about the, what's the term for that? The healing, like, postpartum? When you don't go to work for six weeks, they call it. No, no, I'm talking about, like, sex-wise. Oh.

Yeah. They tell you at the hospital, like, hey, leave her alone for this amount of time. I can't remember what it was. When a woman becomes pregnant originally, they say don't. No, it gives birth. Oh, after. And your kids, a little over six months. Okay, I thought you were talking about maternity leave.

Seven months today. Seven months today. Yeah, isn't that very St. Patrick's Day of him? In either situation, you don't. Yeah, don't touch me. Don't touch me, don't bother me for a month and a half. Yep, stuff has got a heel down there. No one's bumping.

Fun fact. And I'm not coming to work for a month and a half or so. Sure, okay. My wife was able to make that work for seven years. That's awesome. Just to be safe. Good for her. I'm a safety guy myself, not a risk taker.

I thought I'll take her word for it. So I know I've seen some things at the emergency room, the hospital waiting room, whatever you want to call it. there was the dude who came in fresh off a motorcycle crash and he was trembling and and bracing an arm up against his chest because he had obviously shattered an arm or broken his shoulder and he had to sit and wait with the rest of the suckers who had the flu you know what I mean that's ridiculous poor bastard I was sitting and waiting to get stitches in my vent but that's you know, that's no emergency. This guy's fresh off a motorcycle crash, and he had to sit there shaking with this broken something or another with the rest of the suckers. There was the bloodbath in the bathroom at a local hospital.

Oh, gosh. This is when I thought my nuts were going to give way when I caught something that goes around town this time of year, testicular torsion. You caught it once, didn't you, Josh? No, mine was a little bit. different. I had very painful, well, one very painful testicle. Luckily, it wasn't twisted like yours was. I caught testicular torsion, went into the emergency room, 11, 12, 1 o'clock in the morning kind of a thing. Very painful, but I'm not going to butt in line in front of anybody with broken

bones or at any rate. So I'm sitting and waiting my turn and my nuts just felt like they were going to pop and spill out onto the floor. I had to hit the head at one point or another. Where's the bathroom? I asked one of these hospital people. Around the corner over there. I mean, I was barely able to get there. You can't really walk when your nuts are in that state. Oh, dude, you're not kidding.

And I walked into the men's room at the hospital, and I'm hanging it. And I look around at the walls and the floor of the men's room. It looked like someone had walked into that back. bathroom with a severed artery and then spun around in a circle for five minutes. There was blood everywhere. Did you ever find out what happened? Did they ever say this? No, I came out.

So it wasn't like puke. It was just pure blood. Pure. Plasma cubby. Man. What? I walked out and I took the same lady who showed me where the men's room was. I said, you might want to get a can of a raid.

You know, bleach. What would be? 409. You might want to get a. a bucket of 409 in here. In my experience, the hospital bathrooms are never, like, clean. And I understand they're busy. Yeah.

But, like, what's going on? Yeah, they have a hard time keeping up with all the different characters who were coming in, bleeding, dripping, scream. I've never seen anything like that. Screaming out of their minds. You should go sit in a hospital waiting room. I actually. Did they let you just hang out?

You just, like, buy a ticket or something? Yeah, probably. They probably went notice. They're so busy. Oh, hell yeah. Josh, and especially on a Friday or Saturday night, of course. Flu season, too. Didn't you ever, well, Josh didn't, but did you guys ever get high and go to the airport? No. When you were a kid, watched the planes take off. It's kind of the same thing. You're just a spectator.

Josh, I think if you walked on in and took a seat in the back of the hospital waiting room, no one would notice you were there, and you could watch all of these shenanigans go on. Probably, yeah, I'm sure they got enough going on. They're probably not going to pay it. Josh would feel bad, though. There'd be like somebody next to him vomiting, and he'd go up and be like, hey, is you going to get that person in the back soon? That's a good point.

I was just, I was thinking that myself. Like, I don't know if I could handle other people's misery like that for so long or however long you sit there. You're way too kind-hearted and empathetic. You start triaging people for you. That's a good point, Ashley. I bet within 15. I read some stare strips over here, stat.

Within 15 minutes, you'd be volunteering your time at the hospital. Probably. Well, I'll call it a sin faction because it involves your genitalia. I always forget the name of an epididymis or something like that. I had it a couple times where I thought just like you, it was testicular torsion or whatever. But holy cow, that was bad. And it's funny, you mentioned the can't walk thing. I had to have my wife like helped me very gingerly get up because even moving a certain way,

I felt like it was going to explode. Oh, yeah, that was bad. Terrible. But they just gave me a big pill, which luckily, Ashley, I was able to swallow. Good job. And then it went away pretty quick. No less than, I'm going to say, 10 hospital staff members grabbed my bag that evening at the hospital. Laying it, they finally got me into a bed.

Doctor comes in, squeezes them for me. I told them what was going on. He told me what he thought was wrong with me. He leaves. Assistant comes in. Bags me. They all were, you know how when you go to the doctor, first you got to see the nurse,

then you see the nurse's assistant, then you see the doctor's assistant. And they all thought they were the first one to walk into the room and diagnose me. Jesus balls, it was like prom night over there for me. It was just over and over again. What did they do about that? Pills.

Really? They dump some pills. They don't have to like untwisted or unwinded or anything? That's what I'm thinking. The pills were designed to do that for me. Wow. That's really cool. I got a lot of hand action that night.

Oh, for Pete's sake. Yeah, it's nothing, definitely nothing sexual. It's not like the, you know, the porn movies or anything where there's, like, hot nurses coming in and you're all turned on. It's like. It hurt like hell. You just want to get things fixed. Yeah. Doesn't matter.

Am I the only one here that's been forcibly removed from an emergency room? What did you do, Dana? Well, I'm not sure. We were in law. Sounds like St. Cloud State. No, it was Las Vegas, actually. Buddy of mine cracked his head open. He dove into a Vegas pool, which is stupid because Vegas pools are like five feet deep.

It's more of just to wade in and drink and stare at asses. So he cracked his head open and he had to get hauled off to the emergency room. So me and the bros, we hopped in cabs to go find him, you know, to make sure he's okay because he was fine. He was bloody, but he just felt like an idiot. but he also didn't have his pants, his wallet, phone, any of that type of stuff. So we all hop in a cab and we're drunk as all hell. And I go running into the emergency room, past the receptionist through the door, you know, the sliding door thing.

And they were telling me, you can't go back there. And I just yelled, I'm the next of kin! I'm the next of kin! And then I found my buddy, and he was even more embarrassed by the fact that his buddy just went running through the emergency room to find him. and security guards came and grabbed me and they ushered me out of there pretty quickly. You're lucky you didn't get tackled or tased. I know.

They don't play about that. They could have like darted you with something. That's hilarious. Trank dart. On the next of K. A trank dart might come into play in our stupid news report later on this morning. You're lucky.

You're lucky you didn't get the old funk. And it would have been well deserved to. Right into the jugular. Could you imagine if they were cool with that? Like, ah, yeah, he's fine. Oh, he said he's the next of kin. He must be. A little comic relief.

How about those some bitches you walk out of the hospital? You know anybody who walked out? You know what I'm talking about? Before they were officially released because they don't need all that, you know, that kind of thing? Oh, like, you're still even wearing like the gurneys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've thought about it before. Oh, I just for the weight?

Yeah, the weight and I just, you get to a point sometimes where you're like, I don't, I can't be here anymore. I have to get out of here. Do you check that ahead of time? I know like urgent care will have wait times. I don't know if ERs do. Maybe they're too busy doing other things. I know that Mercy Hospital does. I'm not sure about the other hospitals.

I'm talking about like once you are in the bed, they're treating you. Maybe you're supposed to be there for two, three days. And after six, eight hours, you decide you're good to go and you walk away. Sounds like something my dad would do. Pistol Pete from across the street, one of my oldest friends, my old neighbor growing up. I think what happened was. he was, I think, maybe stung by a jellyfish down in Mexico or something like that. I heard that is terrible.

Yeah, I think. Meaning it hurts so bad. This is 35 years ago or something like that, but maybe 30 years ago. And it really made him very, very sick. And he was supposed to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. But after a few hours, he pulled all the wires out of him and walked out wearing the gown, that whole movement. That's ridiculous because his clothes are probably in the room somewhere.

Like a dresser or on a chair? He had an accomplice. I believe there was somebody who brought his personal, what do they call it? Belonging. Effects. Belongings, effects, exactly. ER nurse, she says, happy St. Patrick's say right back at you. She said, just want to let you know that the ER is one of the most disgustingly dirty places around town.

you can't keep up with all the gross. And we constantly remind people to get their kids off the floor. Oh, gosh, why would you put your kid down? Get your babies out the street. Somebody else brought that up about just the idea of sitting in an emergency room to watch that you're likely to catch something horrible. Yeah, you'll be back in the next couple days because of something you caught. Yeah, I'm now afraid that I'm going to get the flu or something from being in there.

But there was a guy behind me who's one of those scromators. Tell me what that means. scream vomitur. Oh, yeah, that's right. And I felt rude. I probably shunt of, but I, like, got up and moved. I'm sorry, where was he scrimmiting? Right behind me in the waiting room.

Oh, I don't think you have to feel bad about leaving the proximity of a guy throwing up all over the place. He was like, dude. Did he have a bucket? He had one of those little bags they give you. Oh, that's cute. He was covered by, like, his wife had him covered by a blanket so nobody had to see it on. Oh, poor guy. I've never heard somebody.

throw up that loud in my life. I think I'm a scrometer. Are you really? I am. I mean, it's been many, many, many years since I vomited, but I remember it being quite a show, you know, where your mother comes down to the basement and wants to know why you're throwing up at three o'clock in the morning as a 16-year-old. And you tell her it's a bad McChicken sandwich? Did you ever buy it? No, of course not. No. Did you, do you guys have all the normal warning signs that it's going to happen? Yeah. Do you know anybody who gets zero warning signs? My oldest. Cam! He's like that, where all of a sudden he's completely fine, and then he's throwing up.

I'm almost jealous. I mean, it's a miserable thing because you can be in an embarrassing situation. You can't remove it. I remove yourself from it. But at the same time, that pre-throw-up feeling is so terrible. I bet his pals hate to drink with him. Well, I don't know if he throws up from drinking, I guess. I've never seen him get real hammered. Because I used to drink with a dude who was a zero warning vomitor. and a heavy, heavy drinker. So you could almost count on it happening. He was a full-on drunk.

And like Josh was saying, zero warning. Middle of a sentence, he could be speaking. And I hated drinking with him. I know the type. I always had to sit apart from him at the bar. I didn't or at a house party because you knew it was going to happen. What would you rather have, I mean, if you have a choice. Is poop going to come into play here?

No poop, no poop. No poop? Meaning the no warning whatsoever or just that horrible feeling and just knowing, oh, God, any second. And you're doing your best to fight it. No warning. Oh, I think I'd rather be a no warning vomiter. Me too. Because that pre-feeling is horrible.

It's terrible. That's the worst part of it all. You're sweating. Yep. Spitting. Yeah, I think it's almost a blessing in a way. Your stomach feels like it's a... Not for folks around you, though.

A washing machine turning over and a... Brub-pura! It's terrible. And I'm worried we're making people sick. Yeah, I'm not doing so good right now with this conversation. Let's move on. Yeah, I was going to bring up more details. Take some more dope.

Yeah. Don't worry about the sick one, Josh. You want to tell vomit stories? You tell vomit stories. Oh, there's so much spit beforehand. Terrible. You look like a porn queen. Yeah.

Ashley's like, yeah, I know what you mean. Again, can I tell my St. Cloud State vomiting Foxy Lady story? Me and Donnie sat down next to a couple of gals at a bar in St. Cloud State, and Donnie said to this gal across the table, he said, I'd like to take you out on a date sometime. What do you think of that? And the gal, who was violently drunk with the rest of us, the gal, I think she heard what Donnie asked her, but I'm not 100% sure.

She ducked her head under the table, and she threw up. all over her feet and she came back up and Donnie said I'll take that as a no. St. Patrick's Day today like I said, binge drink, vomit all over yourself, take some drugs, dance around, end up with frostbite in the parking lot. We are one of the luckiest states if that matters at all to you. That's fun. Sure as hell doesn't seem like it lately, does it? No. Not if you pay attention to current events. It does not feel like.

We are one of the luckiest states along with the Iow Asians. And then folks in Pennsylvania and some other stupid places. But Minnesotans and Iowegians are two of the luckiest states. Now they base this result on things like lottery wins. Okay. So I'm to assume that a lot of. A lot of Minnesotans and Iowegians win the lottery, or we just play it a lot? I'm not sure.

I don't follow the lottery at all. They base it on lightning strikes. We talked to a guy who said, was it once or twice? I believe it was twice. Yeah. Twice. That sounds right. Lightning strikes.

Okay, I would think that Minnesotans and Ioegians have poor luck with lightning strikes because of all the tornadic activity, cubby, the severe weather that we... Or maybe that's part of it. Like, geez, for all the severe weather you have, not a lot of people are getting hit by lightning. All of this is silly, but another parameter, if that's the proper word, on how they're judging who's lucky and who's unlucky. How many Irish people we have in the neighborhood? Okay.

So we're thick. We're dripping with Irish folks around here. So that upped our lucky rating. Financial luck, cost of living. and affordability, lifestyle, and safety. Like how many of us check out due to natural disasters, car accidents. Ooh, they also factor in divorce rates. So with all that piled up and estimated, ourselves and the Iwoeans are quite lucky.

Unlucky states, go ahead, Josh. It's the same friggin... Well, Mississippi's always on that list. Texas. Texas, Louisiana. It's always the southern folk. Alabama. Right.

It says here, the unlucky states have high rates of accidental death. Hmm. I want more information on that. Yeah. What are they doing? Falling off a ladders. Eating by gaiters? Being eaten by animals.

Ooh, the unlucky states have high rates of accidental deaths both on the road. Oh, they're more specific here. on the road and at work. Oh, that sucks. Some bitch is dying at work. That sucks. A lot of disasters down there, high divorce rates down there in the unlucky states. I mean, you and I have always had that pact where if one of us, you can tell, uh-oh, they're not going to make it.

They're about to die right here at work. We have to drag that person across the threshold. Keep them alive long enough just to get to the parking line. Oh, God. Not in the building. Nobody wants to die at work. wants to die at friggin' work. So I guess we're pretty lucky around here.

And again, if you've been looking out the window to last few months, you might not agree with that, but according to whoever... If you're listening to Wisconsin, you finished 11th. You're the 11th luckyest day. Not too bad. I don't know if I want to be lumped in with those friggin Iyoegians. You've never trusted them. You're the spawn of an Ioegian.

Yeah, a couple of them. Good Lord. How did you turn out some? normal? I don't know if I'd use that word. But I'll tell you what, compared to, you use the word kin.

Compared to my kin? Yeah. I'm doing pretty good. Yeah. You've shared some stories. I would agree with that. There's some odd characters in there. Compared to your cousins and whatnot?

Yeah. You're doing wonderfully. Yeah. And you're nuts. Josh predicted that you'd come down from your high around 730. Ashley. I really hope so. I feel uncomfortable about it. You shouldn't. If you're just tuning in, Ashley's back from a couple days off sick,

and she's on some dope that makes her even more anxious than she naturally is. And I got to tell you, it's entertaining just watching you from across the room. You are acting like a junkie. Dude, I know, I can't stop moving. physically. You sound like the regular Ashley with a little more spirit, but you're acting like, you know, in the movies where they rub their arms and they kind of squirm in their seats. We got to

get our hands on some of this dope, Josh, and maybe split a 12-pack and have the greatest St. Patrick's Day of our lives. Yeah, I wonder what it is about, because what's it supposed to help your stomach? Yeah, so like stomach, nausea, and pain, like all in one, and it like targets your tummy. The tummy. Yeah, no, it's weird that it makes you anxious. Yeah, I don't know.

I'm actually really unlucky. A lot of medications make me that way. Like, I can't have IV fentanyl for pain because of that. Even IV Benadryl, but I can take Benadryl in pill form, just not IV. I'm really unlucky. Did marijuana make you antsy? No, that made me calm. That chills you out?

Yeah. Maybe you've got to balance it out with a little Mary Jane. Yeah. Yeah, don't. Don't do meth. That'll make it bad. That'd be the opposite. Oh, I could never do something like that. Too anxious? Oh, my God.

I would be so uncomfortable. You're coming off like the last days of Sid Vicious over here. For you punk rock fans. Sid Vicious. What band? Go ahead. I'm waiting for the young people. They're from the 70s, Josh. Sid Vicious? Yeah, he's famous.

You'd think maybe they'd... No? No. Nothing. Okay, there's a, there's a dirty, horrible activity involved in their name. Oh, the sex pistols? There you go. Good job. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead.

Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Action. Next role with Vernon Davis. I'm your host Vernon Davis. Okay, y'all, thank you. Thank you.

That's my name. Today we have Dietrich W. Through my example, on the field, off the field, during game day and practice, that was one way that I led because then led to success. Next role isn't about what's next. why they do it. My man, Bobby Bones. Like I've had a lot of stuff happen, bad and good. And so I don't have any fear of mixing it up. That's powerful man. Next roll with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. I would have never thought of that. Did you ever see the movie?

Sid and Nancy? Uh, yeah, a long time ago, though. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. But when you said Sid vicious, you know where my mind went immediately. Oh, yeah, the wrestler. I didn't think about him at all. I feel terrible that I didn't think about him at all after what happened to his leg. Oh, God. We got to take a a break. We'll come back with the stupid news here in a couple minutes on the half-assed morning show. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Ah, man, I wore myself off. That's not how folks say it. I wore myself out talking off air. You look very animated. I'm in a different studio, so I couldn't tell what you were talking about, but you were very physical and animated with whatever your story you were telling.

It was hilarious, Dana. Interesting experience, and he was sharing that. Oh, God. So I'm kind of out of wind here. The heritage of 93X. Oh, man. It's like working too hard in warmups and your gas for the game. I did.

I did some herbies before game time. And now, yeah, Dana, it's inside industry stuff. You may not understand. Probably not. With your limited experience. Sure. It was inside industry stuff we were discussing. and any of us, you included, if you were in my situation, you would have been animated as well.

I'll explain everything later. Sure. Do you mind if I do a little breaking news here? Breaking news. Unfortunately, if you have a child in District 196, which includes Rosemont, Apple Valley, and Egan, schools are closed again today. It has nothing to do with the weather. There's school threats. It's apparently multiple school threats.

Come on. Went through the district. A lot of the schools in that district. That's credible enough that they're closing all the schools. I thought that I'd do with the weather. I hate this world so much. This is Rosemont-Egan, Apple Valley, that whole district, district 196. It's one of those things where it was credible enough.

They had to close everything down, and you guys know how it is. I mean, it's probably a dork somewhere with internet access. In like Idaho or something. Hopefully that's what it is. Yeah. Some other country jumping in to be a jerk, but it's credible enough they got to close to school. So I'd imagine if, like we're in our first break, my phone is blowing up from like the school app. I'm getting phone calls, emails, everything saying it was close.

So if you have a kid there, you probably are aware, but just in case. I mean, it's not a laughing matter, but at the same time, I'd love to see the headline in the paper. South Metro deals with school threats. Quote, it's probably a dork. It probably is. Well, yeah, I'd apologize to Nick because as we're doing the first break, like I said, all these alerts were coming. And I read what it is. It's just like heartbreaking.

It's annoying. It's frustrating. And I feel bad for the kids. You know, they're going to be worried about it. Obviously, what an ordeal. And today is a fun day at school. Oh, yeah. Today they wouldn't have mind going to school.

Certainly. Usually you dress up or, you know. I know I made a face. That was a disappointed face that I made. So I hope that wasn't distracting to you guys. But I just wanted to get that. out there in case you weren't aware. So when I message you like 30 seconds ago, I was the 900th person to alert you that District

196 was closed? Yes, correct. Okay. Well, we're sorry to hear all that. Let's hope the cops get a hold of this dork and the kids can go back to school and have some fun as soon as possible. We lead off the stupid news. I got my win back now.

We lead off the stupid news with bad news for the men of the men of the men of the of Dallas, Texas, especially those who recently ordered a brand new pocket Bronco. And I know what you're going to say. You're going to say, you know, again with the stroke toys, we did just talk about slippery male stroke toys a few days ago on this year radio show. And we're going to go down that route again by God. I know it's not a male sex toy, but did you ever use your, clone a willie where you pour this

product over your penis and then it becomes essentially a sex toy for a woman after it hardens up, pardon the pun. You know what, don't pardon the pun. Keep it. Yeah, leave that one in there. Well, are you talking about the first clone a willy kit that I owned or the second clone a I didn't know yet too? We got them here free in the building right?

When the sex shops would send all their product over here hoping we'd talk about them on the radio. Clone a Willie. Yeah, you pour this slop, this kind of paste over your Johnson, and then your girlfriend, her wife, has this permanent dildonk shaped just like you, and she takes it on road trips and whatnot. The first clona Willie kit I owned, the experiment failed. Oh, really?

Just the product wasn't good. Fell apart. I think it... Probably didn't have enough. You probably needed more to cover. what you got? I think it had expired. The paste.

Oh, I'm surprised you used it then. Sketchy, dude. Well, I didn't look at it. I'm not really a look at the expiration date guy for anything. I got to look up the price of these. It didn't hold together.

The second one, Josh, never left the dresser drawer. I want to get one for my husband. That's funny. Oh, you can get it at Amazon. I'd be afraid my wife would share it. She uses it as a thimble. She'd post pictures of it. Looks like it's 20% off right now.

A little St. Paddy's Day deal? 40 bucks. It's not bad. Clona will. Hey, give it your best shot. I thought it was garbage. So what are we talking about here? Oh yeah, mail, slippery mail stroke-off toys.

If you ordered one and you're currently a living in Dallas, Texas, bad news. Someone or another snatched $250,000. worth of pecker strokers off of a train somewhere between Los Angeles and Dallas F-F-Me running Texas. This was just a few days ago. I wonder if the conductor knows what's on there. You know, there'd be a lot of jokes probably that day about running trains and things like that. I wonder how aware they are of what they're hauling. Good question.

Like semi-truck drivers. Do they always know? Did your dad know? That's also a good question. I'm not sure. All I know is he used to when anyone would ask him what he hauled. Oh, you're afraid to hauler, huh?

What do you haul? The old man would always say everything from tinsel to tampons. I don't know if he was always aware. I'm sure there's some obvious ones. Like there was just a semi that crash spilled bananas all over the road. I bet that guy knew he was hauling bananas.

Halling bananas. So, somewhere's between Los Angeles and Dallas a fat pile of fake vaginas used for, you know, pulling off. They were loaded onto

a train in Los Angeles, but when they arrived in Dallas, they gone. Two pallets worth of jack toys worth 250 grandskies. According to a company called O'Doki, the folks who made the rubber

yank off simulated Vagg toys in a factory somewhere. According to the company, Adoki, the pallet loads of jerk sleeves were busted open. They don't know what the F happened. They just know that some modern day Billy the Kid type of some bitch stole all their stuff. He's a modern day cowboy cubby. The Handy, that's the very unoriginal name of the exact toys that got swiped. they call the product the handy.

I looked it up. It's quite the contraption. Is it? This handy, yeah. So there's basically like a silo-looking deal that houses the battery and the motor. Oh, it's automated, battery operator. Yeah, it looks like you don't have to do much of anything. And then there's a strap on the side that you put whatever your favorite sleeve is, and the motor raises and lowers that strap.

Whoa, that looks very large. It seems necessary. It'll part your hair for you. 289 of them are missing. Some of them possibly lying cold alone, dry, alongside the railroad track somewhere is right now. A stroke toy can't live without lube for very long out there in the elements. Pray at least, Josh, who ever stole these rubber whack toys,

pray at least they're being taken care of. Yeah, they want to be used. I mean, they want to have a purpose. The boss over there at Cody, what did I say, the name of the company? He was Adoki. The boss over there, he was asked about this disaster. His name is Jen's. And he's sad.

Oh, too bad. Yeah, that's a bummer. Jen said the handy has been selling like a sum bitch lately. So, you know, he's going to be out a few bucks because of this train heist. Jen said he's hoping to work with authorities to determine how this nightmare happened. Sad Jen's, the Stroke Toys CEO. He's hurt by him. this. Back to the clona willie. I could never do it because what if somebody else saw it?

You know, that'd be my fear. Did you worry about that at all when you made yours? No. Also, I have questions. You have questions? Yep. Well, again, it didn't work. Yes. So there's limited answers here for anybody. Did you, I imagine you have to stay out attention the whole time. Was that difficult to do when doing something like that? I was a young man. All right. No. Was it just shaft or was it the whole package? You're talking about testicles as well? Yeah.

Oh, God. No. Do girls want that? No. No. No. Was it hard to get off of it, of the penis after you see? Do you know what you just said?

Don't set me up like that. I'm sorry. It's it hard to get it clean? Well, yeah, yeah. That seems like such a, like, because you know, that's a delicate area. You're not, you're supposed to be very careful with. soap. I imagine that wouldn't be pleasant. I went into the bathroom at the

bar there and a little soap and water. You're the best at not intentionally saying very graphic sexual things, Ashley. It's because I don't think too much. I just go for it. All right. So I was wondering, you know, Kings of the Road, do they know what they're hauling and

overwhelmingly truckers and thank you for listening have texted in and said yes, we usually do, unless it's related to the military, then we just have a time and a location. They don't know what's in there. Time and a location. I knew a guy he ran a heavy hauling company.

And it was so impressive the planning that goes ahead. I mean, sometimes it's a year in planning, figuring out all the places they have to go. Stuff, you know, like just a regular citizen, a civilian like myself wouldn't think of. But tiny bridges they might have to cross and stuff like that. That's really cool to me. Really cool. And also just the amount of people it takes to transport. sported places. I just remember getting such a kick out of hearing my dad answer the phone when he was on

call as an over-the-road trucker for all those years. And I lived with him for quite a while. And I love to hear how exasperated he was towards the end of his career, especially cold, cold days like today, bad, snowy, icy weather when he'd get that telephone call telling him he was going to Winnipeg or Minot or Fargo when he had to go northwest up into the wind. It was just, Maybe you had to be there, but, you know, 2 o'clock in the morning, the phone would ring and hear the old man go. Yeah, hello. Hey, yeah, how's it going, Jerry, or whoever the hell was calling in? He was always very friendly.

He always said hi to the dispatcher. Oh, hey, Jerry. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Then he'd hang up the phone and do this. That's a typical dad noise. Yeah, my dad has made that noise.

Too many times. That's when I knew it was Winnipeg, Fargo, or my not. When they told them to go to Lincoln, Chicago, what's that other town in Nebraska that's fairly well-known? Omaha. Kansas City. He didn't make those noises. But it was northwest in the winter. Hear that cigarette light.

Oh, this is funny. Hear him wandering around the kitchen, getting the coffee ready. Yes, come down. Did your dad ever say this? It sounds like something your dad would have said. If they're hauling, if a trucker, it's empty, they get nothing in the trailer there. It's called Holland sailboat fuel. The bed of my pickup truck always has sailboat.

That's why I can't fit anything in there. You got plenty of it, don't you? Legs for days, she just said she was scrolling Facebook yesterday. A T-Mu ad popped up for ice molds of anal plugs. Did I buy it? Well, it's currently in my cart. I didn't know they had such a thing. Buy it.

That sounds cool. Wigglewet. He didn't like hauling those empty wiggle wagons. Oh, I saw one the other day. I felt bad for the guy. He was having a little trouble. All right. What are we doing?

Stupid news here. We could do truck drive and talk all day if we wanted to, but we've got business to attend to. Oh, oh, oh, next up we get to talk about Karoki Rage. You've seen that. Oh, I was lucky enough to see Karoki Rage in person once, and it was incredible. Incredible. Old guy, young guy. playing pool at my neighborhood bar one night.

Old guy, Donnie. Young guy, Corey. You can tell by their names, who's who, can't you? Yeah. And they had a pissing match during this game of pocket billiards. 22-year-old guy, Corey. Donnie was probably, I don't know, 66 or something.

And they had something went down during this game of pocket billiards where they were going to fight. I've never gotten a fight over billiards. And it was just so much fun to watch. F-bombing each other back and forth. And it was Karoki night. And suddenly the Karoki guy says, next up on the mic, Corey. It's the young dude, right?

Who was arguing with Donnie, the old guy with this game of pocket billiards? So Corey says, oh, hell yeah, it's my turn to sing. Still with this rage, you know, hanging over the billiard table. Corey grabs the mic. He signed up to sing Sweet Child of Mine. But Corey, being young and brilliant, altered the lyrics of Sweet Child of Mine to antagonize Donnie even further over this game of pocket billiards.

So the song starts up and Corey goes, Donnie is a friggin' douche and I'm going to stick a pool cue up his ass. And here comes Donnie now running from the pool table to the Karoki stage. And they start swatting at each other. I'm like, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen. That sounds awesome. Gave Corey full credit for his creativity. That is pretty funny.

And Corey wins. Corey would probably be, I don't know, at this point, 40. Donnie's been dead for years. Did he sing at his funeral? And if so, how did the lyrics go? I wonder if Corey showed up just to say, hey, bro. No hard feelings. You're dead now.

All right. Karoki rage. A guy living down south of here, far southeast of here. He lives in a terrible place. He got himself arrested for Karoki Rage. Aaron is the name he goes by. He's a 35-year-old already. Aaron is.

This Karoki pant wedding was something that cut loose last year at a sports bar, and now it's a full-blown court case and all that. Aaron has finally been sent to see the judge over this little meltdown. What went down with Aaron is as simple as this. At Pertner, 2.30 in the Godforsaken a.m. At that sports bar I was telling you about, Aaron busted a spring when he found out that the karaoke machine at the bar wasn't working. Either Aaron really wanted to sing karaoke that night,

or he just really loved to hear and see others sing. I don't know which, but he came on effing done when he was told the karaoke machine wasn't in play. It didn't help Aaron at all when folks tried to appease him by telling him that the jukebox was still working. That wasn't good enough. A dude called James went outside the bar with dopey-ass Aaron to help a pimp cool off. And James said, look, bruh, I know the Kuroki machine took a sh, but you can still play the jukebox. At that moment, Aaron yanked what they call here a Glock 9-millimeter type of a gun out of his waistband,

pointed it at James' face and said, I don't effing care. Oh, gosh, this guy's tough. I want to rock. Cubby, Aaron even pumped one round out into the air. Ah, a little karaoke pop. They were so convincing. Pop, he said, out there in the parking lot.

He was a pretty serious F-up for Aaron to be swinging that weapon around. He's one of those who isn't allowed by law to possess. a handgun because of his terrible past record, which includes some really cutesy stuff like battery on a law enforcement officer. DWI, disorderly conduct, theft, resisting an officer with violence, buttlording. Oh, he sounds like a butt lord. He was once convicted of buttlording. That'll get you some serious time.

And violation of his probation. Stupid idiot Aaron is going to be. sentence for all this nonsense at the end of the month. The closest I've ever seen to that is just the volume. I was at a party, a backyard party, and they had a DJ there. They were doing karaoke. And there was a guy, I mean, it was crazy loud. It was insane loud. And one guy just kind of politely asked the DJ, do you mind, can you turn it down a little bit? Like nobody can hear anything back here? And they got a little heated, but basically the dude that complained walked away and realized I'm not going to win this one.

It was outrageously loud, though. I was on the guy's side that was too loud. I just love... I love the scene. I do. I don't take part anymore. I retired. Went on a retirement tour.

Singing karaoke. But I still love the vibe. It is at times way too stinking loud. And sometimes people are just way too stinking drunk. Yeah. I don't like when people try way too hard, and they're not good. They're not good. But, like, when people try really hard and they're good?

Oh, I love it all. I love it if they're good, if they're bad, if they think they're good, but they're not. If they think they're bad, but they're good. I love all. That's the secret of American Idol, right? That's the recipe. You get a little bit of all that. I've seen a couple people where I thought that person has it.

I mean, they're so good. Same here. I knew a Kuroki guy who was once, that's not the way to say it. I once knew a Kuroki guy who was such a. dick. I mean, he thought this was Madison Square Garden. The host. The host.

The host. Yes. As a matter of fact, finally, the bar owner said to this guy, hey, look, you had a good run 25 years of Karoki here, right? But the gimmick just isn't drawn him in anymore. You know, so I think we're going to shut it down. And the Karoki guy said, you're making a major mistake. I made this bar.

What? How can you be that fully yourself? You're the karaoke got. My karaoke shows are what made this bar, bar, bar, bar, bar. I also hate the host where it's a packed house and they take time. You know, there's like long wait list. And they go up and they do like a three song set to make everybody wait longer because they're just so good. You got to get the crowd warmed up. That's so weird when they do that, Dana. I know. People are waiting. Stop. When you said Ashley, people that try too hard, I was thinking, the host. I've seen that before. Or maybe that's kind of what they want to get in there, show you what they got. Right. Is it they think there's a talent

scout out there in the audience that's going to pick up on them? Although I will say I don't think I've seen a host that sucked at it. You know, they were good. Oh, God. You have? Oh, yeah. Is that what they regularly did, or it's just something like they worked at the bar and... No, no, they were Karoki. That was their thing? They were

at least part-time professional Karoki hosts and they couldn't carry a friggin' tune in a bucket. The one time I got real mad at a Karoki show was there were three, four older people who came to Karoki every Friday night. And they were excellent. They were wonderful singers. Problem was, they knew it.

What kind of music, if you don't mind me asking? Was it kind of the same? Old people, so it was old stuff. Sanatra and that type of a thing. They fell in love with themselves because they got a great crowd. reaction, they were great singers, okay? And they always sang the same handful of songs, these four old timers. And they sat right up front, right up front. So they only take a few steps for them to get the mic in their hands. But the problem was, they thought so highly of themselves that when someone

got up there just for fun and couldn't sing, they were offended. Why do we have to sit through this? When I'm ready to sing, you know, my beautiful voice is ready. We have to put up with this. Come on. Let me tell you something, Cubby. There is nothing more horrific in the entire world than hearing my friend Curtis sing still loving you by the Scorpions. There is nothing more horrible in the entire world. Does he know it or does he think he's got it?

Of course he knows it. Of course he knows it. But it's beautiful and it's hilarious and it's Curtis being Curtis and we love it. Well, one night it came Curtis's turn to sing still loving you. and the horror begins. It's just awful. And these four old-timers who considered themselves professional singers,

they got up out of their chairs and walked away. They wouldn't sit there while Curtis was singing. That was the closest I ever came to getting physically violent with an elderly person. I was so pissed off. How disrespectful. Right in Curtis's space so he could see,

he saw them, I'll walk up, turn their noses to the... Get up, sorry, turn their noses to the ceiling, and walk away. F you! Are the Scorpion's going to come here on their final, final tour so I can fall down to my knees and ball like a child? So when they first announced a tour,

I didn't see a Minnesota date. Much less did they even have... Let me look. If we'd go again all the way from the start, I would try to change things that killed our love. All right, what the hell is this? You've got to be boning me on this. one Josh are you boning me no not yet next time buy me dinner before you bone me

okay you guys are gonna like this one I really do think you're gonna like this so a dude from the gator state a dude told a hell of a story on social media I believe that's where he spun his little tale social media and here's what he wanted folks to believe by the way local authorities have come forward to officially debunk this story. And I doubt it took them long to debunk this story. Here's what the Gibroni wanted us to believe. He says he was kidnapped by dolphins.

That's believable so far. Yeah. He said he was kidnapped by dolphins and forced to design an underwater city. That sounds awesome. That was a plot line of an episode of Flipper. for the he was forced to design an underwater city for the dolphins

his overlords the dolphins forced him to build an under you got to hear the whole smear I mean not that there's a lot of information but it is too good to pass up the story online said that this dude was found

by the local cops okay he's soaking wet on the beach somewheres and he's drawn up blueprints and the story said that when the cops asked him what the hell he was doing, he told the cops what I just told you. He was kidnapped by dolphins. The dolphins then communicated to him what he had to do.

The dolphin said, start drawn up an underwater city for us to live in. And so he did. I bet it's cool. I wish I could see those blueprints. Me too. It's weird that enough people believed it that the cops had to get involved. Yeah.

Yeah. Quite a few people believed it because of how many crazy people live on social media. Right, Cubby. There was enough of a interest in this story to where the police had to go online themselves and make their own announcement calling it full on. Bullsh. I hate to do this, but it does remind me of how in-family guy they, the dolphins are like The Overlords.

Oh, are they? Yeah, I just watched an episode not too long ago. What are they command of... They, like, built the universe. Hmm. Dolphins built the universe. Yeah. On the show Family Guy?

Yeah, uh-huh. Well, I wasn't aware of that. Family Guy written by manatees, correct? According to Southport. Yes, exactly. Yep. Mm-hmm. Saw they do all the cutaway scenes.

I love that. I saw a family episode recently speaking of the cutaway scenes where Stewie set something up and he goes, well, that's worse than the time Peter decided he wanted to coach hockey. And then everybody just kind of stands there and he goes, oh, no clip. I thought we had a clip. No clip? Okay, moving on. I saw that one.

That's funny. Well, we're limited on time here, so I think I'm going to hang on to this one. I got a quick one here at the ass end just to, are folks still doing that Airbnb? gimmick? Yeah. Sure are. I love using it. Anyone got any plans to go to Manitoba?

No. Try this joint, if you like. A Manitoba Airbnb is offering you a chance to spend a night in jail. Where they're going with this bid is. A decommissioned police station in Manitoba has been turned into an Airbnb. They call it the jailhouse. Oh, I bet that's sweet. They put a couple of beds in there.

They got a this, that. The guard station's been converted into a kitchen. I always thought that would be the way to go. If you're going to do an Airbnb kind of one of those unique themed ones, like those tree houses. I was just going to say that. Or the tiny homes are cool, too. Isn't there a pirate ship here? Dude, a pirate ship.

I was just looking at those not too long ago. I can't remember a pirate ship. There was some cool domes, though. My wife is going to a Barbie house in Hudson in a couple weeks for a birthday party. I've heard amazing things about that place. It is so cool. All pink, everything. Yep.

jailhouse, Airbnb, look it up in Manitoba, you bastards. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Oh, man. You know, there's a couple of those NCAA playing games to dangle with tonight. The first four is the catchphrase they've attached to this bit. And I bet you're saying to yourself, like Ashley, for instance, is saying, and who gives a rat's ass. I don't care.

Stupid. Yeah. Yeah, right? Yeah, honestly, yeah. Until you learn that one of the clubs playing tonight, that would be the University of Maryland-Baltimore County. You're still making a face like this is stupid.

You don't seem excited at all there yet. I'm about ready to drag you in. You guys fall for this all the time. Let's see. You sit there and go, Where the hell is you going with this? UMBC, the University of Maryland-Baltimore County, their nickname is the Retrievers.

Their mascot is a golden retriever for cripes sake. That's awesome. I hope they go all the way. I hope they go all the way to the bastards. They play Howard University. Stupid Howard. Yep. You don't like that one.

F them. You've always hated Howard, actually. I know what you're cheering for. We know who we're all cheering. So there you go, and later on you get Texas. and NC State. Anthony Edwards ain't going to play

tonight against the Suns. Something went wrong with his... I'd be A-1 from day one. Something went wrong with his shoulder. Timba, whoa, Sons tonight. 7 o'clock there at the arena their downtown pigs at the Blackhawks tonight.

And the Americans face the Venezuelans tonight in the title game of what they call the World Baseball Classic. Playing for our freedom tonight, boys. Let's win. win it. I want to keep it. Yeah, a little freedom would be good.

I mean, I bet it'll be good. I really do. I won't get a chance to see it, but I watched a little bit of the Venezuelans and the Italians playing in the semi-final game last night. And the crowd was uncorked. Venezuelan people uncorked for this. So I think this will be a cool scene. It will be. Yeah, does it matter?

No. Are there going to be any golden retrievers at the game? No. but the vibe, I bet, will be good. If you're looking for a vibe, I don't think that'll let you down. Cubby's got more news coming up for you right quick. The 93X half-assed morning show.

What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special.

$45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.

And it spells relief for you. Vince Colonais is redefining news talk. I'm Vince Colleenay's host of the Vince podcast. I'm bringing you the truth beneath the headlines of all of the nation's top stories. In-depth interviews. We feature newsmaking interviews with the top guests on the whole planet. And I'll ask the questions,

only dream of other interviewers asking. And a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. It's a show with an obsessive focus on what's good for America. You are going to love Vince. The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X.

Now, LAPD is looking for a possible firearm. So there could be a closure here for a while longer. You can see the activity that still remains here on campus. Cops captured a crazed DUI suspect who decided the roof of a middle school was the perfect place for a pre-dawn protest against gravity early yesterday morning. The odd adventurer began his day about 3.30 a.m. when a police cruiser tried to pull over a driver whose car was weaving through Sun Valley, California. Instead of stopping, he ignored those commands and sped off sending officers on a high-speed chase. The pursuit wrapped up when the suspect's vehicle slammed into a fence near a middle school. The man bailed out of the car, sprinted onto the school grounds as officers followed close behind.

Then moments later, he scaled to the roof and refused to come down. That's pretty impressive. You know, the most impressive part, Ashley, he was fully clothed. Wow. Usually in these stories, the person's naked. Police contained the area while the suspect stripped off his shirt, so he's half naked, paced around the rooftop retreat. As he did so, officers set up an inflatable landing pad preparing for a possible

splat. Luckily, however, they managed to persuade the man to climb down a pole on his own. Once he reached the ground, he briefly looked like he might climb back up, but officers moved in and placed that drunk under arrest. Oh. Sorry, I ran into my bell over here. I saw that. You dated a gal who was kind of an inflatable landing pad years ago. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, it was a very popular destination for a lot of people to land. Classes, sadly, canceled at all schools in the Rosemont Apple Valley Egan School District after multiple schools received threats. Those threats were delivered by voicemail overnight, discovered about 3.30 a.m. Out of an abundance of caution, the district called off classes. It's actually the second disruption

related to threats in the district this school year. In December, a 16-year-old Eastview High School student was charged with four felony counts of threats of violence with intent to terrorize in connection with numerous social media posts, which included images of guns and a poll asking which high school he should target first. The threats led district officials to close the district back then, and the School of Environmental Studies included. Law enforcement is investigating the most recent threats. Well, yeah, you brought it up earlier, didn't you, Cubby? And hopefully this is just some jag-off living in his great-grandmother's basement being a jag-off. but I warn people all the time not to move their families down that way, but they all keep doing it.

Yeah, I turned out okay. Hopefully they can catch this person as quick as they did the last time. Did they get them last time pretty quick? Pretty quick. It was maybe the same day. I can't remember exactly. What was it a kid? 16-year-old.

Yeah. A 32-year-old drunken Alabama moron managed to crash his motorcycle and flee the scene, leaving his injured passenger behind. Normally that would be terrible enough, but in this case, the passenger, who somehow survived, wasn't wearing a helmet, nor could they provide what police, what tell police that is what happened, mostly because the passenger is only 18 months old. Oh, no. Aaron Robertson, who replaced his brain with a six-pack, apparently, decided to hop on his motorcycle, drunk with his helmetless toddler in tow. At some point, he was speeding, lost control, and crashed, causing injuries to the child's face and head.

Dude. This is normally where a responsible adult might call 911, but he decided the better plan was to run away from the crash, leaving his injured toddler behind. Oh, my goodness. That is so ignorant. Crazy, ignorant, stupid. Authorities eventually caught up with the two-wheeled genius.

He was arrested on charges, including second-degree assault, leaving the scene of an accident, causing injury, reckless endangerment, and reckless driving. And I'd imagine once the mother of his child, gets a hold of them, it's going to be even worse. Man, I missed the 70s, too, but this is taken a little too far. This is a little too far.

A little friggin baby on the side of the road? 18-month-old, and he took off. All torn up on the side of the road? A torn up baby? In other motorcycle news, this is pretty Kawasaki. A man on a motorcycle was hit by a forklift. What? It fell

off a truck in Cleveland. According to police, a trailer hauling multiple forklifts hit an overpass. That caused one of the forklifts to fall off the truck and hit a motorcyclist. Great. Now I got to worry about trucks carrying forklifts around. Yeah, you thought those trees for a final destination where all he had to worry about.

Yeah. The 56-year-old rider was taken to the hospital for treatment, as you can imagine. He did not expect that. No, he was solo. No little kids on that thing. If you go to bar later and try to tell that story, nobody's going to believe you. Yeah, I'm with you on that. No, okay, a forklift.

Yeah, really, man. An alert California Highway Patrol officer narrowly avoided becoming an unwilling hood ornament when a distracted driver plowed into the back of a stop patrol vehicle. After the crash, the driver offered a refreshingly honest review of the situation. He admitted he was watching YouTube videos and never saw the road flares. Never saw it. Or the squad car lights or all the cops in the road. He was really into those videos.

Or the other crashed videos with the vehicles, that is, with their lights flashing. Must have been naked videos. It must have been riveting, riveting whatever he was watching, the highway less so for him. The incident unfolded the night of March 3rd, as cops responded to a three-vehicle crash. CHP officers were clearing the scene

and had arranged a trail of flares across the right lanes, a brightly lit warning, which drivers might want to steer elsewhere, but not this guy. Moments later, a cop spotted a white truck drifting his way. For a brief alarming incident,

it looked like he might be flattened or squished like a gory tube of blood-soaked human toothpaste, but he shuffled his side at the last possible moment as that truck slammed into the squad. Following the incident, police reminded drivers that taking their eyes off the road, even for just a few seconds, can have serious consequences. Yeah, I can be trouble.

Yeah, luckily there were no serious injuries here. I mean, the guy was going freeway speeds, crashed into the back of the patrol car. Watching his telephone, huh? Yep. A motorist in southern Wisconsin made a bull. old bid to bend the laws of physics, and unfortunately for him, the laws of traffic too. His motivation was to get to work on time.

Early last Tuesday, the driver was stopped for traveling 106 miles per hour and a 55. Whoa! He told the officer he was trying to get to work on time. Police pointed out the issue with his pedal to the metal punctuality plan was that sure he may have arrived at his destination sooner, but only if he wasn't caught, which he was. The arresting officer made it clear that due to the time it took for him to complete the citation, the man was late anyway, and much later than he would have been had he just gone the speed limit. That's really cooking.

Yeah. That's scary fast. He obviously can get in some trouble if he's later. Maybe he's a repeat offender. That'd be my guess. But, yeah, they got him. A Florida cop traded his badge for a booking photo after using law enforcement databases to track down a woman. He met while working security on the set of the Apple TV show Bad Monkey starring

Vince Vaughn. A 28-year-old Lamar Roman, a Monroe County Sheriff's Office deputy, well, former, who had only been on the job less than a year, was arrested and fired last Tuesday. Investigators said his downfall began after becoming fixated on what he later described as a, quote, shiny thing, which he just had to have. The one-sided romance began when Roman spotted a bus of extras pulling up to the set. One of them, catching the deputies wandering eye, he began whistling and cat-calling, which women love. He was in uniform and on duty. Oh my God, why didn't nobody tell me we were bringing models to set, Roman very loudly said in poor English. That's awkward. Then he reached out on Instagram to the woman, but she didn't reply. He told her something along

the lines of, I need your name and number just in case I pull you over someday. That line turns out. That line turned out to be less playful and more of a plan. The flirtation drifted from awkward to unlawful. He used law enforcement systems to look up the woman in the Florida's driver and vehicle information database and the National Crime Information Center. Systems intended for serious police work, not romantic reconnaissance. He also placed their license plate on a hot list, which would alert him whenever license plate readers spotted it. Eventually, it pinged. The alert popped up while he was on duty. Investigator said the deputy sped well past the speed limit,

passing three vehicles, forcing a truck off the road. Oh my God. Before checking up to the woman and pulling her over, apparently he just wanted to say hi. I'd be so scared. Later, the woman told the investigator she felt uncomfortable with comments he made during the stop, including, oh, I thought you had a boyfriend. She was also a nerve that he'd been able to find her so easily. I told you I'd find you and pull you away.

over, he responded. And I was hoping your boyfriend was in the car so I can pull him out and give him a hard time. During an interview with investigators, he acknowledged the obvious. I know it's stupid, he said. When asked to explain himself, his answer only added a little extra bewilderment to an already baffling story. I mean, I saw a shiny thing and teasing and all, and I knew when I put that, I'm like, F, and that's why I just like, I stopped right after and nothing else. This guy's a cop. What? I don't know how I passed a written test. Sounds like a fourth grader.

I know. There's words missing here. He's going to see a courtroom on Thursday where shiny things usually are limited to handcuffs. Sheriff Rick Ramsey later addressed the situation in a statement. I'm committed to keeping the community informed of significant events that occur in this agency, good and bad. And this was bad. Very bad. Oh, that dude sucks.

Yeah, he's terrible. That is absolutely terrifying. I can't imagine, like, seeing somebody, and then they, like, messaged me, and the next thing you know, they're pulling you over. I would think I was going to die that day. Is it the liquor talking, Josh, or it seems like more and more cops are using their little inside information to try to get squish. Boy, I don't know. I mean, there's certainly been a couple. It's well publicized that.

I'm hoping it's well publicized because it just doesn't, you know, it's not norm at all. But, yeah, man, this guy really wanted to get some, and obviously really, really stupid on many levels. I thought they tracked that stuff pretty well. Yeah, me too. Kind of beside the point, but that bad monkey show was very good. Yeah, it was. I haven't watched that. It's fun.

Where do you catch that? Apple TV. Oh, I already said Apple TV. Yeah, they got a second season coming out. You got a second season coming out. Yeah, I need one. A Minneapolis man facing multiple charges after stalking a woman, he met on a dating app, and then stealing her three-legged dog.

The 27-year-old met an unlucky woman on a dating app last month. couple went on just two dates. Don't be stealing my frigging dog. Especially my three-legged dog. I'll kill you if you steal my dog. After the second date, she told him it just wasn't meant to be. But he believed persistence might lead to more porking and reportedly contacted her through social media, text messages, and phone calls. Porking?

Some porking, yes. Sexual intercourse. You swine. I haven't heard that one. I can't even think the last time I... He thought maybe if he just continued... contacting her, she'd come to her senses and realize what a catch he is. On March 9th, the victim called police to report that someone had broken into her Bloomington home and taken her dog,

a three-legged, very good boy. Footage from a doorbell camera captured the man at her home multiple times that day. Around 7 p.m. He was spotted on the front steps, attending a classic canine con, luring a dog away with treats. You know what, go ahead and take my three-legged dog. I want to see how fast you'll bring her back. I'm not dealing to this thing. While officers were at the scene, the victim called him. He initially denied taking the dog, but eventually admitted it and said he'd bring the dog back. When he arrived, cops listened in on a conversation between the two.

He admitted that he looked up her address online and had been coming to her home repeatedly, even doing a little lawnside surveillance, watching her in the backyard while she was on a date with someone else. With an almost impressive lack of self-awareness, he said he got into the house through an open door and took her dog as part of a plan to return like a hero who had rescued her pet, getting on her good side again, gaining back her attention, and in his mind, becoming the man of her dreams. I get it, sure. In a later interview with investigators, he said he'd called or texted the victim 30 to 40 times over the prior two weeks, even creating fake phone numbers to try and trick her in answering.

Boy, there's a few dudes out there that are in dire need of a blowjob. They just can't. Get over it. My goodness, dude. The victim told police's behavior caused her to feel unsafe in her own home and fear for her life. She even considered moving or quitting her job due to his relentless, misguided pursuit. He's been charged with burglary and stocking, which are both felonies. Jesus, I mean, what are we doing?

Stealing a dog? I'm sure he thought, gosh, this is so smart. I mean, she's not going to be able to help but want me back. Can't deny that it's a clever plan. But, you know. Like she wouldn't be suspicious that he found the dog? She'd be very suspicious. Oh, I don't know.

Oh, that's crazy. It ran right to you? What? Amazing. I mean, that's just not. You're risking your life you steal somebody's dog. Yep. A crystal PD canine uncovered a suspect who apparently

believed he'd discovered the perfect police-proof place to hide, a recycling bin. But his plastic hideout on wheels didn't work the way he thought it would. Over the weekend, a suspected car thief attempted an eco-friendly escape by hiding inside the bin while evading officers. While the suspect tried to stay out of the spotlight, a canine ace was ready to rock and roll all night. During the search, Ace picked up the suspect's trail, and the man quickly learned recycling bins are not invisibility cloaks because he tracked him straight to that container. Ace couldn't quite get inside the bin, but he didn't need to.

He jumped on top and held the suspect inside until officers got there and got him to surrender. That's badass. I love when dogs do their job. Join Security Kennel for the first day of Springer. Bingo and Silent Auction Friday night at 6 at the Chanhassen Recreation Theater. Enjoy a fun night of bingo, great silent auction items, door prizes, and some refreshments, while supporting a powerful cause. Serenity Kennel provides temporary foster care for pets

when their owners enter chemical dependency treatment, so no one has to choose between recovery and their animal. Don't miss first day of Springer. Did you post this, by the way, Ashley? I know you were gone for a little while. No, I didn't, but I will post it. Okay. Eventually you can get your tickets at 93X.com and support people, pets, and recovery in our community.

Billy Corgan is 59 today Rob Low turned 62, Gary Seneas, 71, Kurt Russell, 75. Shout out to Richard, Jewish Jesus' boss, who wants us to tell him he's an old man. Congratulations to Kayla. She bowled a 300 Saturday at a nine-pin tournament. That says her husband, bad company, Jesus.

That's wonderful. That is awesome. Picture on the wall. Oh, for sure. I hope you get like a plaque or some sort of award. They'll put your picture on the wall, at least the bowling alleys that I hang out. And happy birthday to true eater, Jesus. That's 93X News. Sports on the 93X half-assed morning show.

Andy Shaver has diarrhea. He's at home in a diaper. Unable to get himself to the microphone. Brad Ryder, unavailable. See Willie Miles in studio. In the house, brother, because you know, diarrhea, whatever. I'm coming. You'll be here.

Right. It's got a clinch of it, baby. Clinch it. You're tougher than that, aren't you, C-Willi? Absolutely, man. But it works every time. Randy just got off of an airplane. You get sick. Right.

Every friggin time. Although, you travel quite a bit. I thought he drove. Oh, that's right. He did drive. Well, then he caught it here. I really think he caught the Norwegian lungworm the same. It's going around.

The same disease that I had for a good month and a half, which I'm still just on the verge of completely ridding myself of. But that's the way it always works. It seems you come home from a trip. You're sick for a week or two. So Randy, not in the mix. Thank you for being here, C. Willie Miles. Absolutely, man. Love it. Are you the type to take interest in the big, fat-ass NCAA basketball tournament? Absolutely not. And that's been the sports segment today. You do it like fill out a bracket or anything to get into that part? It's not that I don't follow it.

I just, I'm just not, I don't partake in it nightly. It's just too much. It's too much. There are a lot of games. And I always say this because a lot of people ask me that because when you play the game and coach it for as long as I did, man, sometimes when you get away from it, you just, you can easily get caught up. It's like being an addict, you know.

I can fall back into it really hard. And I don't want that. I walked away from it. So the games start tonight. There's some play-in games. I get it. You get me a Cinderella team? I'll follow that sucker all the way through.

You know you'll get one. You'll get one or two. It happens every year. But I need them to win a couple of games. Okay. I can't have them just win one game. Go, oh, my God, we're going to win a game. Yeah, you're always going to surprise somebody.

So if, say, I don't know, one of the teams playing tonight, the University of Maryland. Maryland and Baltimore. Baltimore County. If they go on a run, they'll grab the attention. High point, if they defeat Wisconsin in the first round. Of course, the Cinderella stories, the upsets are what we're all looking for. Last time I got overly involved, I think was Cleveland State. Cleveland State, the Vikings. What about them? What happened? They got on a run. A few years ago? I don't remember. Years ago. Years ago. Cleveland State.

Yeah, I don't dial into it the way I did when I was young. When you had, right, you were involved in seven different pools. Oh, my God. You fill out the bracket, a lot of money changing hands. But I still do really enjoy watching the games. I'll be, well, tonight I won't be able to watch the games because I'm going to go see the Timberwolves in person. But I'll get into it. I will.

Although I don't watch random college basketball the way I used to. Right. When I was a young person, we'd go to sunsets in Wiseta in the winter on Saturday morning. We'd have breakfast around 10. College basketball would start at 11. We'd watch it all day long. So when the tournament started, I had some idea who I was dealing with when you look at the bracket. I don't have a friggin' clue.

Do you remember Jay Cousinez? Of course. That's why I used to hang out. Yeah. We should love the tournament games. I'm more of a sweet 16-8 Final Ford type of guy. So you'll get there. I'll get there. Yeah, just not the.

I don't get there from the weeding out of the week. Well, do you like ungodly amounts of money? A company called Kalshi. What do they do? Make blue jeans? Who is Kalshi? I think they're like a betting platform. Oh.

Or they have something to do with that. They will hand over $1 billion if someone puts together a perfect, again, with this gimmick, but it's every year. They'll hand over one. This is the first time I've heard of a billion. It's usually a million. Yeah, millions is the highest at Warren Buffett. Is that who did the?

Yeah. I haven't heard any. more than a million either. Cal she will hand you $1 billion if you put together a perfect NCAA men's basketball tournament bracket. Quicken Loans has a $1 million prize

for a spotless bracket, but CalShe's going with a billion. So you better get on their website or whatever and find out more if you think you've got it in you. Well, it's all just free advertising to make that offer because the odds that we've talked about before in years past is statistically

nearly impossible. But even so, a billion dollars worth of free advertising? Encouraging a lot of cheating. They've got some type of insurance thing built in that they probably paid for that will offset the cost. A billion dollar insurance? I mean, I know what you're saying, that when those big prizes, they have it, but there's somebody that's insuring a billion dollars. That's a good question. But you know, you see it every Super Bowl, every NCAA basketball tournament, a few companies, again, just to get their name. out there. They play this game. But a billion dollars is kind of scary. I would assume they're going to kill me. It would be cheaper to have me killed than it would to pay me a billion dollars.

Imagine I'm sweating out the national championship game. They offer the kids playing in the game like a million dollars to take a dive. That's exactly what would happen. It's like the prison ward in the movie Shawshank Redemption at the ass end. He's watching the game with a revolver in his gap. That would be that the owner of Kalshi is that prison warden from Shawshank. Okay, does anyone know the odds off the top of their head? I have it in front of me. It doesn't even look like a real number. Zero, really?

They just won't say zero. It's closer to zero than anything. One in 9.2 quintillion. Zero. That's your chance of a perfect... Yeah, I used to... So you're saying there's a chance. Right.

I used to kind of know what I was getting myself into because I was a much more stern follower of college basketball. Now I only watch the Golden Gophers. I don't know where the hell you find the time to watch random college ball games anymore. When you're 22, that's quite easy. But nowadays, no. The last time I won real money, and I bring this up every NCAA basketball tournament, The last time I won real money from a bracket pool was 1995, real money,

when Big Country, Bryant Reeves took the Oklahoma State Cowboys to the Final Four. I loved watching Big Country play because he was this big Oafish center fresh off of a farm. This dude had a chew in his lip and cow turds in his ears when he showed up at Oklahoma State to play college basketball for Sutton. What was his first name? Eddie Sutton? Eddie Sutton. And took them all the way to the final four.

That's the last time I really won any real money off of this situation. Big country. Skull Bitches Jesus said the odds of a perfect bracket, you take the weight of a blue whale in paper clips and you got to pick one. That's brilliant. That is. That's brilliant. Can I tell my big country story again?

This is part of the reason why I fell in love with the kid and backed his basketball team, supported that basketball team all the way into the final four. Again, he was fresh off of a farm in Oklahoma, Bryant Reeves. Ended up going to the NBA. It didn't work out for him. But fresh off a farm in Oklahoma, terrific high school basketball player, the head coach for the Cowboys at the time, Eddie Sutton,

gave Bryant Reeves his very first airplane ride. I believe once he signed his letter of intent to Oklahoma State, they flew him to Stillwater to the campus, and it was Bryant Reeves' very first airplane ride. And he's sitting next to Coach Eddie Sutton, who'd been on 5 million airplane rides at that point in his life. And Reeves said, you know, I'm having problems. My ears are popping in and out.

What do I do? And Coach Sutton said, try some chewing gum. Coach Sutton gets up, takes a piss, comes back, and Bryant Reeves had stuffed chewing gum. gum into his ears. Oh, no. It's hilarious. Stuffed it into his eardrum.

Well, that's a big country. Oh, wow, look at this. Somebody forwarded me. Where is this? Oh, oh, oh, a listener of ours, Bug Eye Wagon Jesus has some old Bryant Reeves trading cards from when he was a member of the Vancouver

Grizzlies, which no longer exist. Oh, no, a star player for the University of Alabama. Let me look at my bracket. Christ, they are a four-seed in the tournament. That's a pretty solid. A star player for the University of Alabama basketball team just got arrested and charged with first-degree possession of marijuana

right before the damn tournament. My God. Cops say he had more than a pound of grass in his house. Whoa. Oh, that's a good amount. That's a, yeah, that's a grip. I thought he just had a baggie in his pocket or something. Is that a grip?

That's a grip. it, babe. I'll get the job done. I was wondering, so, like somebody who's, I wish Ashley was here, but somebody who's really into smoking marijuana, a pound, when do you go through that?

A month? I don't know enough. Maybe, I'm sure people know they can text in. Yeah, somebody get texted, I don't know. I always smoked it way too fast. Right, right, right. Because every story I saw on this said it was, it was incredible that somebody would have a pound of weed.

That's a lot of weed. That's a lot of weed. That's what I was curious. like what that means to somebody who's maybe a daily user or a few times a week. You think about a pound of hamburger and then try to do that and just shake. You know, do a pound of shake. You know, just keep grinding up like oregano until you get to a pound of oregano. That is a wonderful way to put it.

I mean, yeah. That's a lot. Josh, imagine the weight of a pound of hamburger in your hand. I can go through that in a day easily. You can feel it. Right. You can eat a pound of hamburger. I can smoke a pound of hamburger.

Would you try to do that in weed? A couple people are saying yes, about a month. Oh, here we go. Ashley, she's listening. She just messaged and said it would take her about six months. Everyone's got a different answer here. People are saying a year, maybe two years, six months, five months. If you're just like a casual weed, but if you're like a regular weed smoking, yeah, it would take you that long to get through at least a month.

And that's if you're everyday smoker. I was never any good at it. I was notorious for I was smoking it way too fast. I would take huge hits when I was a kid. You know, and when you're at a house party when you're 16, 17, that made me pretty unpopular because I would just suck it down. Hey, hey, hey, how about, you know, pass it this way, right? You don't want you.

You never wanted a guy who took too big of a hit. I was the too big of a hit guy. And I'd end up just paralyzed for the rest of the night. A friend of mine who was actually from Jamaica who went to St. Claus stay with me. He was a big, big weed smoker. But he smoked blunts. You know, blunts are a little, that's a little bit chunkier than just a regular joint. Even he, like, you give him a pound of weed.

Oh, you're bumbleclot. No, I can't do. So, all right, so five more feet of Fury, Jesus said, pound a weed. What you do is you take the weight of a blue whale in paperclips. Each one of those paper clips is one joint Wow Yeah that's a lot Yeah

What were you saying about a bumba clot? What the hell? Bumba clot, what is that? That's a Jamaican word Big fat joint Yeah No, that's not it's not word for joint It's bumba clot

I don't know It's a word they use for Stupid crazy Oh, oh oh okay I'm following you Yeah That marijuana Bumba clot

This kid this Alabama I'm a basketball player. The last name is Holloway. And he's a solid contributor to their program. He averages near 17 points a game. And again, this is a four-seat in the tournament. They could use him. Chances are he won't be suiting up for their first game.

I don't know how they work this out with the NCAA. Maybe they're going to tell him he can't play at all. But a narcotics task force kicked down the door of his house. So they must have known something about this And they found the dope They found the paraphernalia They found cash Well if you had a pound

He was likely distributing it It selling it Yeah he was I believe Because they found a whole bunch of other stuff That somebody was selling it Yeah Oh if a narcotics task force is at your door Yeah you're not just some schmuck

Who likes to get high and Watch cartoons My thing is they could have done that at any time I'm pretty sure he had it. Yeah. They just waited to the kind of cold-blooded. Cold-blooded to do it. Come on, man.

Two days before the tournament. They waited until they got their bets in on the other team. They're playing the first round. We went in its first game. That's the show. This is interesting. A listener texted in to say, in Alabama, they treat marijuana like you killed somebody. They're very serious about their marijuana laws.

Absolutely. I don't even know the marijuana laws around here. Right. I don't think anybody does. Nobody does. So confusing. Even when we ask the cops sometimes when they, they're in here, they're like, all right, hold on, let me think for a second.

Another listener says this kid's been kicked out of school already, so he's done. He's not going to play in the tournament. What a friggin drag. A pound of weed? Yeah, he's going to jail. He's not playing any tournament. His next game is going to be like a longest yard situation. Exactly.

The difference between how long a pound of weed would last for marijuana smokers via Texas is insane. It really is. I mean, there's a few people that said two weeks, and then there were a few people that say two years. I mean... It all depends on how you were raised. I guess so. I bet if someone put a joint stick in your mouth, Josh, I bet you'd hit it too hard. Oh, yeah.

Because I eat so feverishly. Well, I was more basing it on your anxieties. You know, I'm not as bad as I let on, but, you know, I don't know. I guess I'd be too nervous to do it. I always hit it too hard. Man, I used to get baked. And it was just a disaster. I never got any better at it, which is why I kind of just stopped.

I was never fully into it. I'm talking about high school into my early 20s, college days. I mean, of course, it's always around. I never got any better at it. Yeah, I'm with you, Nick. The only times I really smoked weed was my freshman year at college at St. Cloud State. And in the dorms, I had prolific weed smokers on my floor, and they would just want to get me as high as possible.

And it was just no fun for me. I'm like, I'm miserable. and they're all laughing at me, you know. Like, oh, Wessel Stone, look at me, you can't even move. I'm like, I'd rather just have a couple beers. I've seen you Stone. You're like in a different world. Oh, yeah.

I mean, you seem like you have no idea where you are, what's going on. You know what you are? You're kind of a lifeless robot. There you go. That's a good way to put it. A lifeless robots. Wow, how about this? I mean, this is very interesting, and we appreciate your input here from folks who mess around a lot

with illegal drugs. We're talking about marijuana. It would take 12 to 16 quart-sized mason jars filled with marijuana to make a pound. Are you picturing such a thing? Yeah.

So, wow, that is a lot of grass. A lot? Yeah, it's a grip. A lot of people. It is a grip. Bumba clot. People are saying that means mother ref her. Yes. Oh. People are also saying that, um, Two pounds is the most you can have at your own home recreationally, according to text here.

Where? Minnesota. Oh. So you can. Don't know any? Southern Minnesota or northern Minnesota? Yeah, not Minneapolis. Really?

This is just one listener's take. No, there's a bunch of listeners that are text. You can have two pounds of grass here. Yeah, this is according to these texts. So I have no idea what's legitimate. You guys, but put a disclaimer on it. Again, we have, this is not. any of our field of expertise.

I am so confused. We all are. One pound of weed makes 454 joints. Again, these are just listeners texting in. I take their word for it because the brother and sisterhood rarely misleads us. 454 joints, Josh. That's a lot of joints. Joint sticks.

That's what the old guys called it when I was a kid. I remember one afternoon we were watching. if you're around my age, you probably watched this damn near every day the same way we did. When Guns and Roses came out with their live from the Ritz concert, it was on MTV constantly when Guns and Roses hit it big. Did you watch that one, Josh, live at the Ritz in New York City? Yeah, buddy of mine had it. We watched it almost every day. We were obsessed with that live concert footage.

We were all at a buddy's house, and we're all teenage kids sitting there watching G&R live from the Ritz. And my buddy's dad comes down the stairs and he looks at the television screen. Well, Stephen Adler slash Axel Rose, Duff McCagan, and Izzy Stradlin. Every member of Guns and Roses has a cigarette in their mouth while they're performing. Well, this dad saw something different and he says this, does everybody in this outfit have a permanent joint stick in his mouth? They're cigarettes. Jiggin' hillbilly.

All right, so more marijuana education. This person said, I work for a cannabis business, and yes, you can have two pounds in your home, two ounces on your person in public. And folks are saying when it comes to medical marijuana, have as much as you want. We appreciate the effort. We're going to forget all about this within two minutes. When they were first doing the medical marijuana study, C. Willie, I was asked if I wanted to be a part of it because I have epilepsy. And I've never even had half of marijuana. I've barely even been around marijuana.

So I just felt like, ah, you know, at the time I was maybe in my 30s. I think I'm too old to start. So I just said, I appreciate that. Maybe give that to somebody else. Way before, and I told a couple of buddies, and they're like, you moron, you could have given that to us. Why don't you share it with us? All right. Now, here's a guy, Minneapolis, Dan Jesus.

He says, is anyone texting about how much a pound of weed costs? No, I have not seen that yet. Does anyone know? Never even thought of that. Oh, God. What would I need to give an illegal drug dealer in trade for a pound of weed? feel free to text us that information, whether it's misleading or not, we wouldn't know any better. Yeah, maybe the cannabis worker can let us know what that would go.

Exactly. There are a couple of those NCAA play-in games to dangle with tonight, the University of Maryland-Baltimore County. The retrievers, don't you know? Their mascot is a golden retriever. They will play Howard University. They're practically neighbors. One is in Baltimore, the others in Washington, D.C. So I would imagine these kids probably grew up playing with an.

against each other. Later on tonight, you get Texas and North Carolina State. Okay, as far as the cost, the cost per pound of marijuana is less if you're a hot-ass chick. Oh. Well, again, just like all the other questions we've wanted answers to this morning, we're getting various responses. One person says it's $1,000 for a pound. One says $800. One says $2,500. It depends on the quality. And we have a police officer here. Whoa.

As a member of Minnesota law enforcement, lawmakers have made it vastly confusing and no one really even cares anymore. Oh, I back that up. It is confusing. Until they pull you over and find one. Oh, I think he meets the cops on you. You know what I mean? I'm sure the cops are like, you know what, forget it. We can't figure this.

It's not worth it. You're all going to jail. I mean, we're having fun right now because this is a fun crowd. Right. But it is probably my least favorite subject on earth. is marijuana and marijuana laws. I am so friggin' tired of hearing about it. I swear.

Balls like tennis balls, Jesus said, you're forgetting the most important law. One joint is an eternity of damnation, L.O.L. Yes, I agree. Sinners. What's how you've avoided sin. You have avoided sin. I try.

In almost every department of your life, you've avoided sin. I make it a point, too. And speaking of your religious types, you likely already know this. The Brigham Young University men's basketball team will play in the NCAA tournament. They are a sixth seed. But because of their beliefs over there,

the BYU ball club will not play basketball on Sundays. They cannot. They will not. So they have to be smashed into one of the brackets that plays on a Thursday-Saturday type of rotation. They can't be in on the Friday-Sunday schedule. Interesting. I think I'd heard that before.

So that's interesting. Yeah, when Brigham Young, the tournament, the committee has to sit down and say, well, these guys won't play on Sunday, we got to put them. And I also, I guarantee you, I guarantee, they don't roll on the Shabbas. Shobber Shabbas! They don't roll on Saturdays, do they? No. They don't work. They don't drive a car. They don't effing ride in a car. They don't handle money,

and they sure is, oh, don't effing roll. It's been a while. Showver Shabbas. been a while since I've seen that one one of the greatest scenes in movie history it is I like the part too when he's John Goodman right

Big Lobowski if you're totally in the dark I like the part when John Goodman is adamant about how quickly he could get the dude at tow Yeah And he starts that scene at the cafe They have to

All right so yeah See Willie Miles earlier he said Maybe if there's a Cinderella story Maybe when we get to the great A to the final four You'll dial into the end NCAA tournament. So, you know, I don't know. You're kind of the wrong guy to ask. I just had, I had a couple of NCAA tournament trivia questions here. I mean, Dana and Josh are obviously welcome to, no player has scored more points in a single NCAA tournament than who. Okay?

And I have a hint for you if you'd like a hint. No player ever has scored more points in a single NCAA tournament than who. Ralph Samson. I'll throw a pistol Pete Marevich. Those are both good. guesses. Pistol Pete scored a pile of points. What did he average in college? Like 40 points? Yeah, 44 points a game, I think. And that was before the three point line, too. Which probably

hurts him that there was no three point line. And I don't know if LSU ever did any real damage in the tournament other than Pistol Pete. That's a good point. Ralph Samson scored a lot of points. Virginia made it to the final four, maybe once while he was there. Good

guesses. I suppose you've got to have a Keep run, too. I'll give you a hint. 1989. 1989. What was the song that Steel Panther? What was the year they sang about, Josh? Was it 87?

It was 87, wasn't it? The Steel Panther song, 1987? You don't know what I'm talking about? Well, I'm thinking of the Mr. Big song like 1992. Right, right. Mr. Big had a... Yeah, Steel Panther has a year. Yeah, they had a song called 1984,

where they're like, David Coverdale was really cool. Oh, yeah, yeah, 1987. That's right. In 1989, any guesses, Dana C. Willey. No one scored more points in a single NCAA tournament then? Scott Howard. Dude, that's a good guess. Trying to think who was a rookie in 1990s,

because I'm guessing this guy probably went pro after this. Glenn Rice. Oh, man, I forgot about you. But Scott Howard is a great guess. He was so good. No one knows why Scott Howard is a great guess. He was freaking teen wolf. Oh, God.

Okay. You guys never saw him play basketball? Nope. I love it. I didn't follow his college career. I checked out after his last high school game. After Teen Wolf 2? When he looked a lot different, didn't he?

He did. Weird. Kind of looked like the fat kid from Stand By Me. In the 1989 men's NCAA basketball tournament, Glenn Rice scored 184 points, and I can break it down for you. He scored 23 against the musketeers of Zayv.

He scored 36 against Southern Alabama. I don't know their nickname. 34 against the North Carolina Tar Heels in the Sweet 16. 32 against Virginia. That was past Ralph Samson's day. In the Elite 8, he scored 32 against Virginia. 28 against Illinois in the final four and 31 against Seton Hall in the national championship game. Scott Howard.

I'm going to watch that movie again. Why wouldn't you, right? It's very good. Actually, you know, I never saw Teen Wolf 2. I love Jason Bateman. But he gets made fun of a lot for that movie. It's one of the worst things that's ever happened. Really?

Yeah. That's too bad. Josh, you want to run a cargo van with me and try to recreate that scene where he's doing a handstand on top of it? I don't have the core strength. Can I drive? Yeah, I'll do it. You know me. They call me Mr. Core.

And Cubby, I watched Teen Wolf 2 a lot more recently than you would anticipate. Really? Anyone should have. Have you seen it before? No, but I watched it for the first time two months ago. Teen Wolf 2, what's the name of the kid again? Scott Howard? No, no, the actor.

Jason Bateman. Oh, it's horrible. Horrible. And Stiles sucks in Teen Wolf 2. Oh, it's not the same styles? No, it's not the same. Remember in the first Teen Wolf Styles rules. Yeah, he was great.

He's a good actor. He's a fun. Stiles sucks in Teen Wolf 2. And he's a boxer. He's not even a basketball player. He's a boxer. It's so terrible. I know that so from the podcast SmartLists,

they bring it up every once in a while how much teen, because Jason Bateman's on it, they bring up how much Teen Wolf 2 sucked. He gets crapped at all the time. The Northfield, the boys basketball team, someone help me out. Does the boys basketball tournament start this week also? Don't they have this on television, Channel 45,

the whole smear? Can anyone find that out? I have such a terrible time finding high school sports information online. But wouldn't this be the week of the damn boys basketball tournament? Whenever it is, the Northfield Boys Basketball team is going to go ahead and play in the state tournament. They haven't played in the tournament in 94 years.

My God, why go now? You're going to have to answer that question. You weren't even alive, neither was your grandparents. Well, their head coach was on. 1932 was the last time Northfield kids played basketball in the boys tournament, and their head coach played for that team. Oh, my God. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. No, no. He would be. But that's wonderful. Good for 94 frigging years. Wow. Their mascot is a cow at Northfield High School. Yeah.

I explained why it took them so long to get here. That's awesome. That is awesome. Woo. Is that what they've been? Is that they sound like Ashley? What does a cow say? Moo.

Oh, I suppose you're going to allow that right now. I remember that thing. They are the Raiders, Northfield, but their mascot is a cow. I think that's incredibly cool. Wow. I don't get that, but okay. Can't be a raider and then have a cow walking around. Well, I don't know exactly what they're doing down there, see Willie Miles.

I had a hard time with that with St. John's when we used to play them, St. Claude State. You know, St. John, the mascot is the job. Johnny, just like a regular guy. Yeah, the Johnny's. Yeah, the Johnny's. Yeah, just a dude wearing a St. John's sweater and a pair of pom-poms in his hands. It'd be a different dude. Different dude named John. Oh, it's a dude named John. Yeah, it's Johnny.

Just walk around. I like the idea of a cow mascot, especially if it's a live cow. I wonder if they can do that nowadays. Yeah, it's got to be live. Well, they had a Texas longhorn. That didn't go well. And they bought the big longhorn out, and they got away. Well, yeah. Adios. Bevo, wasn't that a lot of?

his name? Do I have the right University of Texas who plays tonight again, we mentioned that a minute ago, I swear to God, their big longhorn mascot that would run on the ball field was called Bevo. I want to see you right. Didn't Oklahoma, who's the Cowboys? Didn't they have a

bull and a wagon? Well, that's, yeah, Oklahoma, the Sooners had a the wagon. A stage coach pulled by something. Yeah, yeah, bulls. I thought it was horses. I don't know. pulled by bulls?

I don't know. Anthony Edwards ain't going to play tonight against the Phoenix Sun. Something went wrong with his shoulders, so we'll have to see where that takes him. 7 o'clock tonight at the arena here in town. My wife and I are going to go over there, and we'll be looking for Pee-Pee's and Poo-Poo's Jesus. What time is it at?

7 o'clock, I think? All right, that's doable then. Are you still high? No, I was just like because I know you don't like to go out late. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was afraid for you. Yeah. We're very, what's the word I'm looking for?

Your name is Ashley. We're very measured when we go to a basketball game to make sure. Because our next opportunity for a home game for the wife and I to go to would be an 845 start. Not going to do that. So yeah. No, no, seven. I appreciate you worrying about me. Ashley's her first day back today from a sickness.

And we were teasing her earlier about the medication she's on turned her into a, junkie. She was very, very excited and talking very, and you were hotter than hell, and you were fidgety like a junkie. How you feeling now? This was earlier we were giving her trouble. How do you feel now? Honestly, I kind of feel sick to my stomach. Do you? I'm not happy about it. Oh, no. Well, Josh, I figured you'd crash by about this time. Josh called it, yeah, you said, but 7.30, you're going to crash. I think just on a normal day, a lot of us crash by 730 anyways, you know, but you were very animated. But when Ashley's gone and comes back, you're going to be.

back, that's kind of how she is. She's excited to be back. And she was on some medication that amped her up even more. And you're sick to your stomach again? Yeah. Sorry to hear that. Yeah. Thank you. Pee-Ps and poohs Jesus texted us earlier, yesterday, I should say, and he told us that he will be the featured veteran at the game tonight who gets recognized on the court, which you see every game. That's great. I think he told us that it's right around the national anthem. But, I'll be there. I'm looking forward to seeing you out there.

And I did offer him $100 yesterday if he can somehow get the PA announcer at Target Center to mention his on-air name, PPs and Pee-Pos Jesus. We'll see about that. So if he hears one guy booing, that'll be you, I'd imagine, wherever you're sitting in the stadium. Oh, I'll boo the hell out of them. I figured it's not. Pigs at the Blackhawks tonight, they got to stop losing. Yeah, they do.

You got to get the power play going, you know? Ashley, people are suggesting you're going through menopause right now. Oh! That's what you're experiencing. Yeah, it feels like it. The world's youngest case of menopause. Is hockey still going? Sure is.

Playoffs start in a couple of weeks, see Willie Miles. So then we've got three more months. Oh, God. Actually, I think the last regular season game for the man bear pigs is April 14th. So we almost have a full month remaining. Wow. We don't need to do this again, but we all know. They need to trim 20 games off of every professional sports schedule.

It's time. It's time for the playoffs. I literally would vote for that. This is the worst time of year. It really is. Because the NBA and the NHL, sure, there's going to be a couple of battling for a playoff spot scenarios, but generally speaking, it's this final 15, 20 games. It takes forever.

And all you want to do is to see the playoffs. You're right. You know, you're right. All these sports are starting to roll into one another, too. And that's, you got too many stuff. You got basketball, football, and hockey going at the same time. Baseball, too. And baseball, and that just, and now you've got the tournaments. And we're about ready to talk some football here, see Willie Bond. Right. New Viking starter, how do you say it, New Viking starting quarterback, Kyler Murrah, did two things as soon as he got to town. Number one, he hit up the slave raider show at Medina last Friday. Had to.

I heard it was great. Number two, he hit up a joint in town called the parlor bar in Minneapolis so he could deep throat a parlor burger. Have you folks had the parlor? Oh, yes. Far parlor burger. That's a good place to go. You ever seen the movie American Pie?

Yes, I think so. That burger is so good, I'd be willing to do that to it. You would? What, Eugene Levy found a son doing? Yes. I don't know that I've ever been to the parlor bar, but that was something Kyler Murrow was excited to do as soon as he officially became a Minnesota.

And he choked down one of those parlor burgers when he was in town a few years ago playing for the Cardinals, and he was dying to try another one. They're good. Yeah, I'd like to get over there. Get a shot. Josh, have you had a parlor burger? No.

That's right over here too, isn't it? I think that's right. What do they call that neighborhood again? North Loop. North Loop? North Loop. North Loop. The loop.

I've heard of it. Certainly people talk about it. Last week, Kyler Murrah mentioned that he, quote, cried real tears when Brent Farver threw that interception in the 2000-ought-9 NFC title game against New Orleans. Right. That brings back memories. You know what I did in that moment? When Brent tossed that pick, I collected my $10. When the Vikings were on that drive, I bet a guy at the bar, $10 at the Vikings were about to choke, and I won.

And then the guy wanted to fight me. If you know, you know. The pain was too much for the guy he wanted to fight me. He acted as if I was the one who threw that pass. Wife even went after me. It's a true story. During that game was when I was working at K-FAN and I was running the board for fan line afterwards,

which is where Vikings fans can call in. Oh, my God. Oh, the grown men tears that were coming through the speakers from people calling in. And those people are miserable week two when you lose by three to Detroit. Exactly. Let alone the NFC title game and losing the... How did you even stand that?

I couldn't. It was miserable. And we did it for like three hours, too. And it was just one guy after another, I just can't believe they did it to me again. A grown man cried on the radio. Multiple grown men cried on the radio. Nick, I don't have a good Jesus name. Jesus said there's a parlor burger stand at the table.

Timberwolves games. Oh, yeah, that's right. If you want to try one out. Oh. You have to give it a shot. I have good luck when it comes to predicting big moments in Vikings' Saints' playoff games. I also called the Hennepin County Fluke. I made a bar bet with a guy moments before it happened.

I won five lap dances from that stupid, pointless play that resulted in nothing. So I have good luck when the Vikes play the Saints in the playoff. Only collected two of those lap dances so far. Oh, wow. Did they expire or can you pick up the other three? No, no, no. I got a lifetime for this. I wasn't exciting play.

Cincinnati Bengals quarterback, Joe Burrah. An all-time NFL patty cake, lunatic, Tom Brady. Have they become Eskimo brothers? That's what it sounds like. Oh, really? It says here, they've been dangling with the same super-foxy lady. She's a super-fox, but at the same time, an obnoxious social media influencer. She goes by the name of Alex Earle, A-L-I-X, Alex Earle.

Super Fox, Influencer. So the lunatic and Alex were spotted at a Super Bowl party in San Francisco back a month ago or whenever the Super Bowl was, right? The two of them hit the dance floor together, it says. The lunatic and Alex Earl. I bet he looks ridiculous dancing, Tom. Oh, yeah. I bet he can't dance at all.

Zero rhythm. None. He's a guy that can't dance at all speaking. You have... I bet I look better than he does. You have absolute negative rhythm. Yeah. He's very athletic.

I am not athletic, but I still think I could pull it off better than Tom Brady. He looked like your dorky uncle out there on the dance floor. I wouldn't say he's athletic. Tom Brady? Maybe that's giving him too much credit. Awkward runner. He's a great passer. Athletic was never one of his traits.

Well, can we agree he's better at sports than I am? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can throw a ball pretty good. Absolutely. Here's all this drama. So the lunatic and this Alex Earle were dancing together at a Super Bowl party. I'm picturing the dance floor scene from the movie Airplane. I don't know why.

You can't tell by the way I'm moving my way. It's kind of fast motion. I love how the song is actually sped up as if you need the beach, not the beach boys, as if you need the BGs to sing any higher than they are. I found a video of Tom Brady dancing, and I think I can do a better job. Yeah. I mean, not much, but noticeable. The Girl Scouts are beating each other to death.

The airplane dance. Anyway, now this Alex Earle person, the Super Fox, was just seen partying with Bengals' quarterback Joe Burra at a post-Oskers party in Los Angeles. Now get this. It says here, Joe Burra, okay? He's hanging out with this Alex Earl at an Oscar. Oscar's party. It says here Joe Burra actually left the party with that Taint McRae country singer gal we were talking about last week. Taint has supposedly been banging that Jack Hughes hockey player. No wonder STD rates are through the roof these days.

She also knows Alex Earle spells her name Alex with an I. Oh, I mentioned it earlier. A-L-I-X. I wasn't sure if that came up or not. So we got this quarterbacks with this lady, this quarterback's with the same lady, and then another quarterback leaves with a different lady who is supposedly banging a hockey player. Joe Burrah Josh has also been seen grinding up on that gal that used to be famous called Jessica Alba. Yeah, I could see it. He's kind of a stud.

I mean, our own Janelle Klein has a major crush on him. Ninja Turtle Nutcase Jesus said that this Alex lady can dance. She came in second on dancing with the stars. Oh. Don't you watch that, Dana? No. I don't know. Oh, okay. For some reason, I thought you said you did. Well, I just hope all these folks are wearing Jimmy hats.

She likes QBs. Apparently so, yeah. She's got a thing for them. I mentioned before that that was my least favorite slang term for condoms. And it was very popular for a while in the 90s. Everyone referred to it as a Jimmy hat. And I just wanted to vomit all over myself. I thought that was so stupid. I've never heard anyone use in real life.

I only heard it in a movie once. The movie was Can't Hardly Wait. That's a good one. That was a fun one. Well, Joe Burra doesn't need a hot case of crotch rot here, slowing them down as the football season begins. They need them there with the Bengals, you know, at his best. Boy, I bet you can catch something at an Oscars party that you've never heard of.

Woo! Don't you think, Josh? Yeah. Just something nuclear, where your genitalia is legitimately hot to the touch. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. It's like a rich people, STD, that we wouldn't even understand. It's never, it hasn't been this far east yet.

It just, it just hovers over Hollywood with all those wacky. I bet you can get a case of crotchrod over there that, oh, it actually makes a sound somehow, you know what I mean? It's like a crackling. There's a crackling, there's a little bit of a moan. A squeak, maybe when you walk. You'd know it when you hear it. Taint McRae. I keep hearing about her.

I mean, she seems like somebody you'd be into. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. And people are texting in. They're thrown by this sick, sexual, triangle of love that's going on between Tom Brady. It's more than a triangle.

It's more like an octagon. Tom Brady, Joe Burrow. Oh, God. That's the gas speaking. Jessica Alba, Taint McRae, and Alec. Cheryl. I never get that because there's like a plethora of women

out there and you pass around one. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like you Joe Burrow or you Tom Brady. There's tons of women out there you could... Is it because here's my theory? They're pro athletes, which means they're so

egotistical, it'll make you sick. So is it that they have to have what the other guy has? Yep. That's my theory as well. That's exactly it. You might be right on that deal. That's right. I think that's it. It's status. I want to have what the other guys got.

Oh, man. That's sad. They do pass them around out there in Cali, though. Here you go. Here you go. It's like a dish. Next. Next. The Americans face the Venezuelans tonight in the title game of the world baseball. Classic. There's going to be a lot of home runs in that game. You think so?

Yeah, yeah, they play smashball down there. I watched a little bit of the one from last night. The Italians, yeah. Oh, oh. Oh! It's what I kept hearing from the dugout, the Italian dugout. They lost. Yeah, a lot of that.

Oh. It's going to be a crazy scene tonight. That just reminded me of, well, a hero moment for you. Oh. A real fun moment for both of us where we went to a Saints game and ate spaghetti on the first baseline. Jesus, great. We sat at the Bucat table.

It was awesome. I don't remember how that worked out, but we, us and our dates at the time, we went and sat at this Bucat table, right on the first base line. I don't know if they still do that. I've been to a couple of Saints game, they didn't.

I don't think so. But, yeah, I mean, we were on the ball field. Yeah, right there. Butted up against the first baseline. It was kind of funny, right? Yeah, it was kind of a, I was a little embarrassed because you're getting a lot of attention. Right.

But it was fun. We're eating great food. I love Bucca. I bet Skeddy was good. It was awesome. I'm just picturing like 105 degree day and you're just windmilling spaghetti and meatballs. Luckily, it was a reasonable summer night. Okay.

But yeah, that would be tough to digest garlic bread when you're pouring sweat. That was a really cool deal, really unique deal. Yeah. Like Josh said, we in our dates, hot ones too, we got the set at the Bucca table and windmill, delicious Italian food into a... But that's how Josh was ordering his dinner. He said, bring it over. Don't overcook it. Defeas his purpose.

Get it over. That's Robert De Niro, Raging Bowl. I forget what team the player was playing for, but a batter, he hits a line drive basically to a baby's face. Dude. Oh, no. Because the stands were right next to the stands, and it was... This thing was cooking.

And Nick stood up, not even worried. about his own safety. One hand grabbed the, you know, the ball. And it was screaming, see Willie Biden. Stopped it in midair. I mean, I thought it was going to come out the other side of his hand. Wow. And there was a dad holding his baby, and it was going right for the dad and baby. That baseball would have ended that child's life right there at the Saints game. And Josh, you were going to mention, I'm guessing, the look on the dad's face. The baby didn't seem appreciative at all. Kind of acted like he deserved it. What a dick. Yeah. But the dad looked like

I don't even know how to begin to thank you. You saved me, you saved my family, everything. Just slides the spaghetti over next direction. Yeah, pretty much. Wow. That was a long time ago, but that was a fun, fun deal. God dang, real live heroes sitting here. I know.

Not all heroes wear sleeves. That's right. But the Italians, they didn't make it. They didn't make the championship game. It's going to be U.S. and the Venezuelan ball club. So there you go. See, Willie Miles is going to stick around with us.

We might as well take a little breaky break and return here in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too.

An AC-tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com.

Providing the comfort you deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits. for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Full Send Golf. You guys know how much I really, really love golf, and I think every week would be dope to post on the Golf Channel.

I want to get a lot of guests on here. Saleem's going to take a leap. I'm down to be in it. It's not really work to play golf. Join the party on the golf course. I was like, let's go to the range. So what are we putting on? We said 10K, right?

10K? All right. We probably bet more than all the other golf channels, right? 10K, 9 holes. Those guys bet for, like, cookies. I feel like I'm going to shank it. This guy's been trading like a Navy seal when it comes to golf. I'm very, very excited.

You excited? Yeah. Full send golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The Half-Ass Morning Show. 93X. Yeah, she is 830, right on the nuts. We appreciate you dialing into the 93X half-ass morning show.

See Willie Miles is just a setting in comfortably with the program. today? Still here. We haven't even mentioned yet, or at least not since you got here. We haven't mentioned the fact that today is silly-ass St. Patrick's Day, C. Willie. I'm going to guess that you being a feller that doesn't drink, I'm going to make a bold prediction that you couldn't possibly care less. You couldn't be more right, sir. Do you get into corn, beef and cabbage or any of the food or anything about it?

Cabbage is part of my culture as well. Well, I love cabbage. Yeah, me too. I make it at least once a month. Yeah, I like it too. Love cabbage, but the other stuff, no. You got the parades going down this street, parades going down that street, live music, green beer, green hats, corn, beef and cabbage, the whole works. Shamrock shakes, can't forget those.

I know there's plenty of folks who love the whole gimmick. Now, we're in a time where you can't do the pinch someone who's not wearing green, right? That can get you into the HR department. that was a big thing at school. You weren't wearing green, you got pinch. Oh, sure. Yeah, you can catch a case doing that now. Yeah.

Catch a case. Absolutely. Catching a damn case. Yeah, you probably could. Catch a case. I know a lot of folks love it, and we hope you have the time of your damn life, as I've mentioned quite often,

growing up in an Irish household that was burned out on the deal years ago. But go ahead. Letter Buck, Parade in St. Paul at noon, I believe. Minneapolis, I think they still do something or another. There's going to be live music. Unfortunately, it's going to be cold as balls all day long. That was one of the things that I hated the most about being forced into celebrating

St. Patrick's Day as a kid is, yay, I get to walk down the street in St. Paul when it's four degrees. I can't wait. Or bell plane. We used to go to Bell Plain. I'm trying to remember now, see, will he fill us in, remind me, I guess, or listeners who don't know you as well as others. You never partook in drinking ever in your life?

No. No, I've never drank alcohol. I've never had alcohol. Oh, never at all, really? Oh, no. Uh-uh. Oh, I didn't know that. I'm kind of like you were in the joint.

You know what I mean? Yeah. The older I got, I didn't acquire a taste for it. And it was like, well, I'm 21, well, why would I start now? I mean, I'm 28. Why would I start now? Well, I have a job. Why would I start now?

Yeah, you. You know, I had all. those opportunities and on top of all of that, I went to St. Claude State. Yeah, I don't know. That's insane to me that you went four years at St. Cloud State without getting into the beer. Legendary. You are the one of one, see Willie Miles. Did you ever tempted?

No. Yeah, same with me with drugs. I've never even, never really cared one way or the other. It's really interesting to have one guy on the program who's never touched a marijuana cigarette and another who's never touched alcohol. Right. Did you come from a non-drinking family? Were there no drinkers in your family?

Not real drinkers. I mean, my dad was a weekend drinker. Okay. So like at the end of the day. No drunk uncles or anything? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, you did? Oh, okay.

Yeah. But your immediate family, your dad had one? My immediate family, no. So like I have right now, when you grow up with like, I have nine sisters, no drinkers. Not a one? Well, now I have a sister who's kind of a wine drinker. Oh. But my other sisters, I mean, they may dabble, but they're not like, like, one sister would only drink when she goes on a cruise.

You know what I mean? I mean, that's really interesting to me. And my brother, who was in a band most of his life, sing, he would have that warm, brown, what a lot of singers, you'll just. Diary? Do you. He would drink some type of. Bourbon, whiskey. I don't want to get his.

I don't know enough about. He's in a round. in a glass. It's a special. Coneyac? It's a yak. So whatever it was, it was just simply to... Simply to sip while he was singing to keep his vocal cords. Keep him lubed. Yeah, yeah. He drinks that every once.

I think he warmed up. Somebody out there know what I'm talking about. Sure. It's really interesting to hear, wow, you know, 10 kids in your family, never, none of them, 11 kids in your family, none of them big drinkers, your folks weren't big. Alcohol was such a prominent part of. both sides of my family. Everybody drinks. Everybody smokes. It's just so funny to hear how how it can go the other way. Your wife's family also nothing? No. They all drink. Oh,

they are drink. Okay. Yeah. I mean, that's Stearns County. I mean, that's, yeah. I think if you start at 13, if you start at 13 in Stearns County, you're behind by a couple years already. I mean, these guys know my mom would have about half of Bartles and James at like a barbecue once every few years. My dad, he drank the least of his family and he had a drink every day. One, I'd see like Jameson. It was kind of his drink. He'd drink that every day. I just can't imagine growing up in a household where when you woke up on a Saturday morning,

the house wasn't covered in empty beer cans. It's just, but that's what makes it so much fun to hear how other folks operate. Now, I think Dana and Josh would agree with me. One of the worst things that a person can experience, one of the worst ordeals that a person can try and fight their way through is being the sober person surrounded by drunks. It's awful. I have such a low tolerance, not to be cute.

Raising his hand. Not to be cute, but I have such a low tolerant. I cannot stand drunks when I'm sober. So how, in God's name, have you done that your entire life? Especially hanging out of comedy clubs too. Comedy clubs. St. Claude State playing on football teams. That was me.

I was my brother's keeper. These dudes would hand over keys to me on Friday afternoon and say, hey, here's keys in my car. Can you drop me off? Can you come pick me up? They knew I wasn't going to drink. But they knew they could depend on me to come pick them up. Wonderful. And you're right.

There's nothing worse than being in the car. But they were my friends. I mean, these are my roommates. But did you ever snap? Oh, my God, yes. You did. Willie, Willie, he'll stop a talk on Bill. No, it's always Perkins.

Perkins. What is it? What is it? What is it about Perkins? Because it's open 24 cents. And it's wonderful. I've always enjoyed. The booths were comfortable.

Dude, yeah, Perkins, that was the place to go. I mean, certainly, like you mentioned, But Perkins. And they were always ordered a Denver Omelet. I used to do a bit about the Denver Lowe. Because it had everything in it. And there was no way. They all did it because they

knew they need to throw up. Because it was going to, that was going to make you throw up, man. Denver Omlet coming back up. Onions and mushrooms and boy, that country club melt they used to have it back of the day of Perkins. Oh, that was lights out, Josh. Oh, man. You are one of the

toughest some bitches that's ever lived. You know, Josh, you've spent the majority of your life dry. I have such a hair trigger. If I don't have any beer in me and drunk idiots, you know how they're all so funny. Oh, my God. So, Josh, I mean, credit to you too. You've spent, I mean, how in the hell did you hang out with me, 10, 15, 20, 25? How did you stand it?

Like, I grew up around a lot of drunks, so I'm used to. to it. It's never really bothered me. I must have been disgusting. At times, but never like where it was annoying or anything. There were a couple times I thought he's going to fight everyone here. There's one X-Fest or maybe an EdgeFest, I forget. Certainly, we've talked about the trip to Jamaica or on the way back from Jamaica, I forget one of the two. A couple times where I thought this could go real bad. Oh, there was a time you and a coworker almost came to blows. Well, I'm just saying it's interesting to me and impressive. that you can tolerate that stuff for longer than two minutes.

I still have friends that day will call me and go, hey, you remember that time when we went to that track meeting? We were in Moorhead. No, no, we were in Omaha. Yeah, yeah, we were standing at the holiday and no, it was a Ramada. They'd be trying to tell the story, and they can't remember where they were at in what hotel. We can call Willie, he knows.

Missing spots in the room. real. Oh, yeah. And I remember everything. Big bearded, big bearded Jared texted in about his post binge drinking hot spot to get something or another to eat up at St. Cloud State. A lot of our listeners lived up there or went to the school. After the press closed, they'd swing on over to

Erberts and Gerberts. Oh, sure. I've never been to an Burberts and Gerberts. Oh, it's delicious. We've got one right here too, and I just haven't gone. It's good. Specifically, a big bearded Jared would suck down a few of their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Oh, those were good. It's my favorite food, peanut butter. Man, that Perkins, though, at St. Cloud State, anybody who ever spent any time there saw some things.

But one of my favorite memories was a guy hopped behind the counter and just started going into grabbing the muffins, you know, from the big muffin in the case. And it was just throwing them to people like a guy at a ball game throwing on T-shirts, you know, like, who wants a muffin? You get them. You know, just chucking muffins like their hand grenades across the bar. The 81-year-old waitress doesn't quite know what to do with the situation. She's the only person out of high school who's on staff at the time, right?

I used to feel bad for the overnight staff. You know that Perkins is not there anymore. Yeah, uh-huh. Some Starbucks now. I hope the karma worked out that anybody that worked the overnight shift at that Perkins like won the lottery or something because they deserved it. I was going to check this out. So somebody worked at that Perkins and said they now own a bar and they make their own country club melt.

Oh, cool. These Crooked Tavern and Annandale. Oh, hey, I've driven right by that place. Yeah, we got to go. Okay. I miss that. That's, oh, yeah, you're right, Josh. That was so good.

Yeah, I know it's not fair because I've been the drunk that has annoyed the living hell out of the sober person. So I know it's not fair that I have such a short tolerance for drunk people when I'm sober, but I just can't stand it. Just can't stand. How about some of the old drinking games we used to play? Somebody brought up drinking games earlier that we used to play when we were young. You got the beer pong and the flippy cup. Was there a game back in your day at St. Cloud State? See, I never was much for the games.

I always was kind of bothered by the idea of, hey, everyone, come on over here. We're going to play this. I mean, we got a keg. We got our cups. Why can't we just sit here and soak ourselves in misery? Especially if it's a card game where somebody was just very specific. about all the rules and making sure every single little rules follow it. I'm like, okay, this is exhausting.

I just want to drink a beer. I mean, I've come around to them at times, and you know, you get the right crowd, and anything can be fun. So I was never big on the games, but was there one that you boys played? No, no. I mean, we had theme parties. Oh, yeah. There was no, you know, the togas and all the different cowboy.

We had a whole bunch of that, but if you went to St. Claude State, you didn't have time to play games. You know, you dressed up and started drinking. You didn't. Ain't nobody going to try to win a contest to have a drink. Did you guys have a lot of toga parties? Tons. Yeah.

Those were big in the early 80s. Yeah. Well, even in the early 90s. I went to Moorhead and it was like once every two weeks. Right. They were having toga parties. Yeah, yeah, we were doing them every other. That's why saying I was legendary.

People are texting. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. All toga. All the time. Do you mind answering a personal question? question about drugs? No. Absolutely.

Okay. A few people want to know, have you ever, you don't drink? Have you ever tried, like, marijuana or something like that? No, I've never done drugs or alcohol. In my life.

Nothing at all. Period. What's the old joke? Never had like an oxycodone or nothing. Was it Henny Youngman, who had the old joke? Or maybe it was some other prominent old-timer who said,

I feel sorry for people who don't drink, because when they, they wake up in the morning, that's the best they're going to feel all day. I always heard that attached to Dean Martin. Dean Martin? Yeah, that's what I always heard, but that could just be something from the internet. It's the best he's going to feel all day long. Beer Pong, Flippy Cup.

People are texted in about quarters, of course. Quarters was fun. Yeah, you could make it fun. Flippy Cup was, yeah, I got to admit I enjoyed. I enjoyed a little bit of that because I, to no one's surprised I was excellent at it. It was quick, too, around a flippy couple can be over. Yeah. It's like one of those games of beer pong that drags on for 25 minutes.

A-hole. Oh, I love that game. What's that? Presidents and A-Holes? Yeah, I can't remember, but we played it. I don't remember. Is that a card game? Yeah, it's a card game?

Was it a card game? One of those ones were intricate rules, and every single group in different friends and colleges had different rules. It was always very confusing. But it was, I do remember having good memories of playing that one. Fat Lobowski said they play a drinking game every weekend in Wisconsin. It's called Get Blackout Drunk and Go Home with a Ranch. Random gal.

Hey, that's a game in St. Cloud. You guys played that there too? Yeah, see, that was part of the reason why when I was young I didn't want to get involved in games. Because my focus is brutal intoxication and misleading a girl or two into thinking that I'm something special. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Yeah, I did not, I couldn't waste the energy. Here's another card game.

I don't remember this one, a card game called Rye. the bus. It had something to do with a card pyramid, this, that power hour. Oh, that was fun. What's that? Do a shot of beer every minute for an hour? Yeah, see, our version... Well, shot a beer. Okay, that's different. If you wanted to get...

And of course, the goal is to get as drunk as possible, as quick as possible. We didn't mess around with that kind of stuff. We were all about the beer bong. Oh, sure. All right. Everybody had one in the trunk of their car. Although I mentioned beer bong at St. Cloud State in the handbook in the dorm, they were referred to as mass consumption devices. Right. They were banned mass consumption devices.

I remember reading that. Yeah. I remember reading that. I remember one morning, actually, it was a high school beer party that spilled into the next morning. It had to have been five o'clock in the morning. I couldn't sleep. I was down in the basement of this house. I mean, I heard folks were still partying in the upstairs.

So I figured, F it, I'm just going to get off the kind of. and go join them. And here was a few of my pals who were teetering on death. I mean, really honestly, they were so horribly drunk. And I'm lucky I went upstairs because they were loading a beer bomb. This is after, you know, 16, 17 hours of drinking. They're loading a beer bong with straight vodka. Oh, Jesus.

And I knocked it out of their hands and said, take a look at what you're doing. Although, that was impossible for them at the time. Yeah, you literally save their lives. Century Club is like power hour, only it's 100 shots of beer and 100 minutes. Edward 40 Hands. Oh, yeah. I saw somebody do that once.

That was hilarious. That's always fun. Did they ever duct tape you, Josh, and force you to play Edward 40 hands? No, I was at a party once where somebody was Edward 40 hands. That was funny. And there's a desperate guy who really has to pee and he's trying to convince somebody to help him with his pants. We're 40s like kind of like a bit for about three months they were very hip. Yeah, I don't know why that was.

Like Colt 45. People had to drink Colt 45. In the early to mid-90s, it became a thing. Suddenly now we have to drink 40-ounce bottles of Old English. The trend came and went very quickly, which I mean, I never got involved, but it was like a hip thing. You would see the dude who would normally be drinking a bottle of Meisterbrows. suddenly has old English or cold 45. Yeah, that was very hip.

It was always in a paper bag, too. 93X, the home of the half-assed morning show. We wrap up our St. Patrick's Day broadcast here with C. Willie Miles. I did not know what that was. You did not know what what was? That this was the St. Patrick's Day. Oh, yeah. Look around you.

Look around. Look at all the festivities. Nothing said that that's all I was walking into. There ain't a damn thing in this. building that would indicate St. Patrick's Day, but it kind of seems like over the weekend is when everything happened, meeting last week. Yeah. My wife's friend, Annie, from St. Cloud, gave me the nickname, the Irish nickname, Hoots, McCracken.

How'd you get that now? Because I'm a comedian. Hoots. Oh, gotcha. Okay. Metcracken. Macracken some jokes. So, cracking some joke. Mekrackrackin some jokes. And you're hoot, so hoots, McCracken. I like that. Here he comes down. Lane. It's old Hoots McCracken.

Believe it or not, yes, this is our St. Patrick's Day broadcast. And we've been talking about drinking games. The drinking games that we used to play when we were young, hopeless gibronies. A lot of text messages have come in, people noting their favorite old drinking game. Oh, what does this say? Oh, yeah. We used to warm up before going out by, you know, cracking open a case of beer, turning on the Bob Newhart show,

and every time someone says, Bob, you have to drink. That show, I think, was notorious for constantly using character names. Like when you watch Titanic. Wasn't there some kind of an insane count, Josh, that someone put online for how many times? Jack or Rose is set out loud in the movie.

Oh, yeah. Same with the movie The Edge. Oh, yeah. Charles and... That was... Well, Charles is... They're constantly calling Charles Charles over and over and over.

In the movie, which one of the greatest movies are all. Very good movie. Some of our listeners would get involved in Das Boots. Boots! When they wanted to play a drinking game. This text message says beer darts was fun but deadly. Anyone have any... I don't know what that is.

Oh, I've played some beer darts before. What's that? What do you do? You crack a beer just a little bit, you know, not talking. all the way is just kind of cracked open a little bit. And then you sit in a circle and you throw the darts at other people's beers. Oh, yeah. And try to.

And then so say I get it like midway through your can, you got to chug to that level. I remember. I did play that. F me. Yeah, it can be fun. But yeah, if you catch somebody, if you're wearing flip-flops, you've got to be careful. Boy, drunks are really creative. I got to say.

At my cousin's surprise birthday party. And this message was sent in for multiple reasons, not just birthday parties. just a general drinking game. But this listener says that my cousins 21st birthday party, one of the games we played. We listened to the song Thunderstruck by ACDC and had to drink every time you heard the word, thunder. Yeah, that will get you going real quick.

Keg stands. I never did any of those. That was huge in St. Cloud. You liked the Kegstand? Never seen it in person. It was epic. We were way into it. I was never any good at a Kegstand.

I didn't like being turned upside down. Right. But I had a couple of buddies hang on to their ankles so some bitches could. they could hang upside down for the whole friggin' night and suck that keg beer right out the tapy tap or whatever you call it. My friend Travis sent upside down on a keg and he was a gymnast. And we do push-ups.

Oh, right. Handstand push-ups while doing the keg. I've always wanted to do the one-armed push-up or the one where you can do a push-up and clap. Oh, sure. I've broken my nose several times trying to. both of those. Uker was a big drinking game at Michigan Tech says tool she's as yuker. That was something my grandma and grandpa would play. Yeah, I always thought that was kind of an old person. Michigan Tech's kind of in the middle of nowhere. Maybe they were playing with grandmas and grandpas. All right, I looked

it up. The word thunder, including within Thunderstruck, 34 times it said in the song Thunderstruck. Hang on to your ass. 15, just Thunder, 19 with Thunderstruck. further drinking games that our listening audience has texted in party ball races. Oh, I love those. I never liked the party ball. I always thought it was cool. I thought it looked kind of cool. It was hot for a couple weeks when I was in high school.

The party ball would always be jostled around so much. It would get foamy so easily. So I didn't like the party ball. But the race is like you and two guys try to finish one before. So is that how it went? Right, yeah. I always thought the party ball kind of tasted like. garbage. It was just plastic, right?

Yeah, I guess I don't really recall. I was 19. I didn't really care. We were maybe a little more picky about it, maybe because, I don't know. A cold can of beer was always my preference. Up and down the river, that sounds familiar. Oh, I love that game. Even sober,

that's a fun card game to play. Chandeliers, kind of a... Here's someone who texted in chandeliers. That was kind of a sophisticated version of quarters. I remember that one. Anybody? Chandeliers? Vagely. I think there was just more glasses on the table.

Sure. I think that's how that went. I can just say this. The guys and women that I went to college with, they didn't like to wait to drink. No. No, no, no. They wanted to get in there.

Games were like, I hear a lot of games that people play now, and back then, but back at St. Claude State, they didn't play a lot of games. No, we didn't. Like, it was just, it was like, you know what? I don't want to wait to drink. Right. My turn is now.

I got my drink. I'm drinking it now. It was early and often. Yeah. Like I said earlier, we were never big into games. I did grow to like a couple of them. But yeah, I mean. That is true, see, Willie.

Sometimes there'd be like, you know, a punishment. You did something. You're like, oh, you've got to finish your drink. Okay, that's what I'm here for. Right. Right. Yeah, when you're young and going to college, yeah, you don't want to wait for Jack. I've waited my whole life to start drinking.

I'm not going to wait to drink. This is interesting as we get the hell out of here. One listener says, I've been sober for five years now, and when I told my dad I was quitting drinking, he was devastated. You lose her. I haven't heard that before. He was losing. His dad was losing his best drinking buddy.

His dad was frigging devastated by that. I haven't seen the new movie, the Anaconda movie with Paul Rudd and Jack Black, but there's this clip in it that's very funny. Steve Zahn tells the guys, he goes, hey guys, you know, and for the new year, I'm a, I'm, uh, I think I'm going to make some changes. Paul Rod looks at him, he goes, you're going to get sober, finally? He goes, yeah, yeah, I am. He goes, good for you. He goes, yeah, Buffalo sober, meaning wine and beer only.

That's it. And some liquors, but just the light stuff, not heavy stuff. Have you guys heard much about that? I thought that maybe it was supposed to be good, but I guess I'm not so sure. I haven't seen it, but everybody's forwarded me that clip a bunch of times just because it's funny, Buffalo sober. Beer and wine only, and some liquors, but not all of them. Did you ever play Beerio cart? Oh, yeah, that's very fun.

Drinking and driving while steering around that cartoon go-kart. Yeah, the timer hits going. You've got to slam a beer and you can't start driving until your beer's empty. That sounds like fun. Yeah, it is a good time. Wow, that's good motivation, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Tour de Francia. A listener texted in Tour de Francia. What, you drink a box of wine and then you get on a bicycle? I can't remember exactly what it was, but that name definitely rings a bell. That's funny. Thanks, see Willie Miles, and have a great sober St. Patrick's Day like you've been celebrating your entire frigging life. Thanks, buddy. You bet.

Take care. Before we go, we want to say hello to Izzy, a 12-week-old puppy who's home alone today for the very first time. She's listening to 93X. You're going to do great. Promise you you you're going to get through today just fine. No pooping in the refrigerator, though. We're talking to a puppy? Yeah, 12-week-old, never stayed home by herself until today.

It's very, very frightening. And we appreciate you tuning in. What's the little character's name? Izzy. Izzy, that's great. Happy Bladed birthday to Evan, aka Town Bitch. Our thanks again to Hoots McCracken for joining us today. And all y'all have a great and safe St. Patrick's Day.

The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should, too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke-slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special.

$45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930.