93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Hot Tub heart Brea

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

Originally Aired August 10, 2026: Doctor P answers medical questions. Scooter takeover. Everything you wanna know about the worst neighbor to ever exist. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheeding.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-Hadhaffast morning show. Ninety-three. Oh, there's nothing like day one. I'm sure the majority of our listeners who are tuned in right now would agree with me. The first day back to work is the best.

And earlier, the better. A lot of potential. Earlier the better. I was pissed off. yesterday about it. Oh, no. Yeah, every once in a while, like, it just, like, makes me mad. And yesterday was one of those days.

I was like, why does it have to be Sunday? You get the Sunday blues, do you? Yeah. And then I thought, like, oh, I was thinking for the first time, like, why do Mondays hurt so much? You know, Mondays are just Mondays. They suck. And I was like, oh, I realized last night it's because you actually get a decent amount of sleep on Saturday night.

So on Sunday, you're like, yeah, I'm not tired. I can stay up until 11 p.m. Yeah, I make bad decisions that, in that regard, Sunday nights as well. See, I always thought everybody love. Monday. But anyway, we hope your weekend was but a dream. If you don't mind, I'd like to get something personal out the way. I need to thank a listener right from the get-go here this morning for mailing me an early birthday present here to the radio station. Not as early as at ukulele. That's a whole different story. But an early birthday present arrived here at the building,

how my birthday isn't for a month or so. Not that I'd expect anyone to know that, but a present ended up at the front door of the building a few days ago. So thank you to a fella called Lambo Jesus. But I gotta say I am concerned. And I'll explain.

Josh, one of the gifts that he sent me is a damn Team USA hockey jersey autographed by one of my heroes. The sweater was autographed was autographed by Neil Broughton. Is that unbelievable? That is unbelievable.

Neil friggin' Broughton. Even our boss, who's not a hockey guy, was impressed by that. He doesn't know the difference between a clothes line or a blue line, but that's irrelevant. I mean, here's the deal. I wouldn't expect a close friend to gift me something like that. So my concern is that this Lambeau Jesus guy might be looking for a second. act in return. Do you know what I'm saying? Do I have to bang this guy now? I think you do. I'm in a similar boat recently too. We can go into that in a second, but yeah, I know what that's

like. All right, get back to me on that. I got to bang this guy? Yeah, I think so. It'd be the right thing to do. Thanks again, Lambo Jesus, but you know, at the same time, keep your mitts off of me. There are some things that I just won't do. Now, he also gifted me a t-shirt that says Sunday, Fun Day on it. And a book, Josh, it is right here. I'll show it to you. It is the ultimate book of Otters. Ooh, I bet you hate that.

Or maybe you'll change your mind, I guess, if you read about it. He obviously knows that I've had a deep rivalry with Otters going back to when I was a kid. I hate the little bastard. So there you go. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but the Broughton jersey worries me a little bit. Yeah, that was extra generous. Also, does everyone assume that we're all grossly overweight around here? Because you could fit three of me in the T-shirt that he sent for.

I guess it's better. It's better to get bigger than smaller. You can always just wash something a million times. You got any questions about otters? Because I have the answers. I'm trying to think of an otter question I may have. Does it talk about them being dicks in there or say they might have a record-jee? a very, very flowery review

of otters overall. Have you thought maybe I got them all wrong? You know, sometimes when you learn a person's story, you realize... I don't have them all wrong. Otters are dicks. They're not as bad as I thought. I can list for you all the different types of otters. Well, we'll get to that later. What were you saying now? I received this gift

from Lambo Jesus, and again, thank you. But a Neil Broughton autographed hockey jersey, that's the last thing I'd expect from a stranger. I wouldn't even expect that from a close friend. So now I'm feeling like maybe this man, you know, might want something in return. You had a similar situation?

So I was a bachelor this weekend. And Friday night, a buddy of mine is like, hey, why don't you come over just about to crack my first beer in the garage? And I thought, yeah, man, I love beer and drinking and stuff. That's totally your scene. Totally. Yeah. And, you know, I love hanging with these guys. The dude has an incredible garage.

I was just telling you about last week. It's got a full bar in there and everything. He thinks he's cute. He's nothing special. So I thought, you know, I'm like, I just put in this pizza. I'm kind of in the middle of a movie. Afterwards, I'll get a hold of you. So I got hold of him afterwards.

And he's like, hey, why don't you come join me? And there's a couple other dudes and their wives in a hot tub. And I thought, this is a setup to a pornography movie. Yeah. A pornography movie. Yes, a movie with pornography in it. It does maybe sound like you could be walking into some kind of a swinger situation. It doesn't seem like.

And you are not wired for that. No, not at all. It doesn't it seem like something that maybe that's really not my, first and foremost, I thought, boy, I thought we knew each other. I'm never going to get in the hot tub. Not a hot tub guy. With your shirt on? Too hot.

Yeah, I'd have to take my shirt off. Otherwise it'd be weird. You know what happens when you get in the hot tub? It gets hot? It makes you wet. Yeah, it does. And you know what else? It makes you sweat to.

Well, well, well. Eddie Murphy, Saturday Night Live, 1983. So anyway, did you go ahead and get in the hot tub? No, I don't blame you. I appreciate it, but I'd come hang out, but it might be weird if I'm standing, staring at you guys. I don't want to be the odd man out here. Whether you're in or outside the hot tub, that's weird.

So I thought that was really cool, you know, to be invited, and I was very appreciative. But then, you know, I thought, gosh, I'm a loser. I don't want to go hang out at this party. No, that does not make you a loser to not want to join other people in their 40s and 50s in a hot tub. Did I miss out on some sex? No. I had sex, I mean, if I went. No, they wouldn't have offered you any sex.

Oh, that's bull crap. Yeah. If I drove there. Maybe they would have allowed you to watch and masturbate, but they were not going to, Josh, this guy knows you. No one would have offered you sex? Would at least maybe one of them watch me masturbate? I got to get something out of it, right? I got to put on a show of some sort.

Boy, your wife does not need to leave town any more often than she does. If these are the thoughts that you're having when your wife, goes away for 48 hours, I'd like her to stay home. Hey, she better be good to me. I'm invited to sex parties. You're scaring me. You're scaring me a little bit. We're making a pornography movie. I can't imagine anything weirder than sitting in a hot tub with other

couples when my husband isn't there. Like, why would I? No. The whole hot tub thing is... It's so weird. I've never really been drawn to that bit. I don't get the hot tub thing. Never have. I was excited the first time. They always made me sick. Yeah, me too. I can't... I mean, honestly, even if it's not like a total

I don't even prick. But they're so friggin' hot. Even in the summer. It's too hot. We had a good friend, a mutual friend of ours had one, and she would always go in.

That's where she introduced me to Jetty, her hot tub boyfriend, where she would aim the jets, you know, in strategic places. She showed you this? No, she told me about it. She got herself off in front of you? No, no, no.

We didn't have that relationship. Oh. I think maybe you did. But yeah, we never had that relationship. But I thought the first time, this is going to be sweet, man. hanging out with a bunch of chicks in a hot tub. I was miserable.

Absolutely miserable. It absolutely sucks. I've tried to like it multiple times to be like a part of the group, but I hate it. There needs to be a pool in the vicinity so that I can do what little kids do and go from hot to cold, hot to cold. Go ahead and invite me into a warm tub. Yeah, it doesn't have to be a hot tub.

I don't understand why it has to be a hot tub. Luke warm, fine. The fact that this gal friend of yours invited you to sit in her hot tub with her and then only told you about her masturbatory habits, instead of showing you her masturbatory habits in that hot tub proves why you wouldn't have had sex this weekend in the hot tub. You see what I mean? You're just not the guy who's going to be invited to.

I know a guy who will even get into a hot tub with his in-laws. Oh, yeah? No. 80-year-old mother and father-in-law and him sit in the hot tub together. Going swimming is one thing, but like, I don't know. Hot tubs are just so intimate. What are you doing tonight? Just like right there.

Are you coming out to the bar? Now my in-laws are in town. We're going to jump into the hot tub real quick. What? Basically taking a bath together. Yeah. You know, maybe I should throw this in there. I don't know these people super well.

I mean, they're relatively new to me within the last year. Does that change anything about the possible? They didn't want to have sex with you, Josh. Yeah, Josh. It's okay. Okay, good. Because I thought, well, how do we move on from this where I turned down an opportunity for group sex? You know, how do I, do I seem rude?

Did I end the relationship? Stop worrying about it. Stop worrying about it. I'm going to masturbate to that. These, what? Nothing. Watch me. These swinger types, your friend and his acquaintances, they are obviously swingers,

they cast these bobbers out quite often. The fact that you did, they're always trying to bring new people in. The fact that you didn't bite, they're not thinking about it, so you shouldn't think about it. All right. Good. Yeah. So. I hate to think that you're dwelling on this now. Did I do the wrong thing?

Did they think I'm a nerd? Am I not cool? Should I? Would they have? Would I have? Don't worry about it. If they knew kind of how cool my night turned out to be, they would definitely think I was cool.

Your night turned out to be very cool? My wife, whole family gone, I got the place to myself, I can do whatever I want. I fell asleep eating pizza watching a movie on Netflix. That sounds awesome. What a Friday night. I woke up with pizza on me, Ashley.

Seriously. Sounds so nice. Cubby? I'd kill somebody for that. Don't worry. What's the problem? Hey, I'm not complaining. You would kill for an opportunity to fall asleep while eating pizza?

Yeah, it's just like not be bothered for that whole entire time. Well, who's bothering you? I have a family. Oh, your child is bothering you. Yeah, I can't just do that, sadly, anymore. You can't? No. You have no opportunity at all to just fall asleep on the couch?

Well, I guess I could, but I'm going to be awake very quickly. Like, I want to just be alone at the house, eat pizza, fall asleep, wake up the same position, still have pizza on me. And nobody's there to say anything about the pizza on me. Nobody's there. Like, I don't got to do nothing. You haven't had the opportunity to be alone since you've made this child. Yeah. Well, that's too bad.

That's all right. The highlight of my night, Friday night, Josh, was I mowed the lawn. That was it. I like that kind of weekend. I did that yesterday. It doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be all fireworks and BJs anymore. It's all right.

I slept with my shirt off Friday. Whoa. If I don't remember the last time I did that, maybe I was a little kid. With the pizza? Well, that's why. Oh, I got pizza on me. And I was too lazy to go put on a new shirt. I love that.

Josh, I didn't want to talk to you about something. I feel bad. I was thinking about it. I feel like I'm pulling to you right now. But I forgot that you were home alone all weekend, and I sent you a picture. was it yesterday or the day before of me hanging out with a couple of our regular listeners. One of our listeners, Alyssa, or as people know her double D. Sheez-is.

She had like a pool party, like a summer wean event. And I realized after I sent you the picture that you were probably wondering where the heck your invite was. And I was like, oh no, I bet I just made Josh feel terrible. Oh, no, not at all. I didn't even think about that. Oh, thank God. That's very sweet of you, but no. I was like, well, no.

Now I'm furious. I was like, huh, but then I felt better thinking about it. I was like, well, it was a pool party. Yeah. He wouldn't have been interested in getting in the water. Yeah, if he's not interested in group sex in a hot tub, he's not going to a pool party. Yeah, but I needed to get that off my chest. I felt really bad about it.

You're a great person. I never even considered it. I'm not kidding. I've been thinking about it for over a day now. No, no, no, no, you're good. What a jerk. Oh, man. How about a wedding story?

Have you been to any miserable-ass weddings this summer? No, but I have some coming up in October. My husband's in one of them. Oh, yeah? Yeah. First wedding he's ever been in. I got an idea for you. Skip it, stay at home, sleep on the couch.

There you go. With your shirt off. You're willing to kill for the opportunity, you mentioned a couple of minutes ago. Here's your chance. Tell your husband, I'm not feeling like it. You take the baby to the way, and then you fall asleep on the couch. You guys go have fun. The next wedding I'm going to, I'm very excited.

It's the first time I've been excited to go to a wedding outside of maybe when I was a very young man. Very young. Yeah, my oldest... Cam! It's getting married next September. So we're excited about that. But I don't think I'll have any... Next September?

Next September. Oh, that's a long ways away. So I don't have... I don't really... We don't go anymore. I mean, we're too old. So now it's like friends' kids. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Now it's... I can't remember if I've been to one this. summer or not. Well, that's... No cousins or no... Oh, no, they're all. Cousins, kids, I mean.

I can't think. I don't think I went to a wedding this summer. It doesn't matter. Here's the deal. Somebody just texted me and said that I'm lying. I was in a wedding recently. I was like, no, I wasn't. What's happening?

What? Somebody texted in and said that I'm lying that I was in a wedding recently. No, I wasn't. Yeah, you were. Yeah, you were. Like, in the last year? No.

I'm just going to stand with this listener for no. good reason. All right. Have you ever been to a wedding where something caused it to unexpectedly stop in the meddle, if only temporarily? No. Like, for example, did somebody pass out? Was there a tantrum like a child flipped out or maybe a groom or a bride flipped out? I had a couple of stories were, yes, temporarily things shut down. Couple three, actually. One, a dude passed out while standing up. You know how they do?

The groomsmen are all standing there, and the bridesmaids are all standing there, and a dude. Yeah, was it crazy hot? I don't remember it being overly hot, but this was just a big feller. Big, big feller. And I just think standing there was too much. and the lights went out and this guy

dropped like a sack of turds right onto the floor knocked the cowboy hat right off of his head oh I gotta get one all the groomsmen were wearing cowboy hats that was what I was going to ask oh yeah and all sudden big guy just bab boom they threw a little water on him and you know

it slapped them back into reality and he was able to finish the proceedings I also saw a bride flip out. So I suppose maybe this doesn't count because they had already said their I do's. I think the qualification here maybe is something that interrupted the middle of the proceedings.

In this case, they had said their I do's, which was a very, very young bride. I didn't know her. I hadn't even met her. I knew the groom had never met the bride. She was very young. I had heard she was kind of a pain in the ass. That's all I knew about her.

Well, she kind of kind of. of showed that because they wheeled in the cake. For whatever reason, the cake was to be a surprise. I don't know if that's common. No. They wheeled in the cake and pulled the lid off of it and the bride saw the cake. And she went, no, that's not right. And she ran away screaming because the cake wasn't to her, what's the word I'm looking for?

Specification. That's so insane. That's like one of the last things that ever matters. Everyone was in shock, but then a half hour. someone turned on some music to distract the crowd. Half hour later she came back pretending as if everything was all right. Someone went and gave her a Xanax or something. Nobody was buying it. Everyone knew.

I've never seen anything take a pause, but certainly some folks that were so bad their behavior, they had to get kicked out of a wedding. And one person carried out. Okay. Too many drinks. Yeah, my wife's aunt had to be carried out of one. She got a little too hammered. So again, in this case, it's where the proceedings are interoperated.

interrupted halfway through. Okay. So yeah, I saw the big guy go down. Let's not count the wedding cake. I saw the big guy go down. At my first wedding, there was an interruption. And it scared the piss out of us. So all of us dudes in my wedding party were, we got married at a resort.

And so we were in a cabin waiting for our queue to walk. that aisle. Kind of peering through the blinds, okay, they're doing this part of the ceremony. They're doing that part of the ceremony, waiting for our cue. And my brother and I were very concerned that day because our grandmother was in awful health. She had recently had a stroke, and it was kind of hot that day. So everyone was kind of worried about grandma. She didn't look right. She was a little pale. So my brother and I were like, oh, Christ, is grandma going to die during the thing? Suddenly we heard screams coming from the ceremony. You know, music was playing and flower girls were doing this and that.

And then we heard, oh, God. And I thought, that's it. Grandma died. Grandma was fine. What ended up happening was some photographer lady was like backpedaling down the aisle, taking pictures of whoever was walking down the aisle in that moment. And she tripped over some kind of a flower pot and broke her frigging, arm. Oh, no. Compound

frack bones sticking out the skin. So yes, we did have to pause to some bitch. Put her in an ambulance before we could continue. Have you guys ever seen something like this? Motocico Jesus said... I love that name. Me too. That's awesome. Great song, too. I was at a wedding where

the father of the groom punched the bride in the mouth at the reception because he thought she was a gold digger. Jesus. They couldn't have stopped that thing ahead of Something out of a movie. No kidding. Punched a lady in the yapper?

The hell, dude. Thanks, Dad. Did she take it? Did she come back at him with her own? Oh, get back to us. Did she go down? Here's what happened at a wedding in the silly United Kingdom. Right in the middle of the ceremony.

A bee flew into the face of the bride. She instinctively tried to shoe it away, and while she's whipping her hand. around, shoeing this bee. Her engagement ring flew off of her finger and landed down onto the beach. They were standing on a lawn just above a beach. There goes the engagement ring off of her finger, lands down in the sand summers. They paused the ceremony. 15, 20 guests got up out of their seats to run down to search for the ring in the sand, but nobody was able to find it. They couldn't really delay things any longer, so they went ahead with.

with the ceremony without the ring. This and that happens, right? What do they do next? They're dancing. They're eating. Some guests continued to poke around in the sand. Couldn't find Dick. Someone kind of secretively called the local metal detector nerd.

I wonder how difficult that is to find. But they called the local metal detector guy. He's got a paper up at the local gas station with the local gas station. with those little pieces of paper you take. Does he have a flyer? Yeah, uh-huh. You just ripped the little bottom part off. Yep.

There's only one missing. Dork shows up with his totally awesome metal detector that, you know, we should probably get into that hobby, Josh. I'd like one. First thing I'm going to do, stake out my property. Seems responsible. Then I could justify the purchase. You know, I had a metal detector once running around my property. It was fun.

Yeah, I see people using them around the lake by my house. That's where it was pretty big for me as far as seeing him. Cool hobby. So the metal detector guy only took him about 10 minutes. He finds the ring. By then, you know, they're dancing, doing the whole wedding reception. They were about to cut the cake. And the metal detector guy came in and handed the bride her ring.

Oh, for Christ's sake, Covey, it got emotional. They thanked the guy, this and that. I have a feeling that wasn't cheap. Oh, the metal? No, I bet the guy charged a lot. He charged as much as he wants. They need him. That's true.

I didn't even consider that. That's cute. I think he was his happiest phone ring. Maybe. Yeah, I wonder how, maybe they're more busy than we think. What does it cost? I'm going to look that up. To have a guy come out with his metal.

How much to get your own? I want one so hard. Oh, oh, to get your own. Oh, yeah. It does sound like, I mean. It's probably going to be one of those things I would use, like, one's like, all right, I don't know, I'm down that. That's why you have to do.

something responsible with it to justify the purchase. I'll get one and then you guys can try it out and then that'll at least be four uses out of it. That'll make me feel better. You probably would only use it once. Like a, what's that thing? What's this thing again, Josh? Paddleboard. Yeah, like a paddle board.

But maybe, maybe it would become your regular hobby. I don't know if I want, would that be weird though? Would I become a weird person if like all I did all day was that? Yeah. Some people think that's weird. Yeah, you would become weird, but who cares? Yeah, whatever. I got nothing else going on.

Yeah, who are you trying to impress? Yeah, exactly. I already found the husband. I'm good. I can be as weird as I want. Dang. Okay, I'm clicking on a couple of links. Uh-huh.

$1,300 bucks. Oh, whee. You've got to find some serious diamonds with that thing. I was thinking like $300. I'm sure there are, oh, here's one for $250. Oh, but get the good one. Yeah, you'd want one that you know works. Go ahead.

Live a little. Get the $1,300 model. This one for a thousand. Yeah. I mean, not that I imagine you would just be, you know, finding treasures every weekend, but you never know. Find something fun, like an old C ring or something. Are those metal? Oh, I don't know.

I thought they were like rubber or something. I have no idea. They had one. Well, yeah, but there's probably hundreds of different models, you know, different types, spikes on them and whatnot. Up at the crack of dawn, Jesus had a metal detector. He bought it, and he took it out of the box, and put it together, put it in his closet, sat there for two years, and then sold it. I bet that's kind of a common story for a metal detector.

I didn't try it. Yeah, he was bringing to the beach once. Maybe you'd find someone's wedding ring. I don't know. It's done something bad to me at this point in my life, wandering around being the metal detector Dork. Yeah, don't get me started on those C-rings.

Whose idea was that? I mean... It's like the most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced in my life. The gist is, after completion, things just stay in go mode, right? Is that what the goal is? Oh, no, I understand.

See, I'm no expert. I only uniformed myself in a C-ring two or three times. And it was so uncomfortable. My thought was what was your question? I thought the gist was after completion,

things stay in action mode. See, I don't know. My assumption was the entire goal is to avoid completion for like days on end. Oh, okay. It just strangles you to the point where you can barely, I couldn't see straight. I didn't understand it. I tried it.

It was horrible. I don't get it. You put it on like before your genitalia knows what's about to happen, right? No. Oh, really? I would think it'd be easier to do it that way. Yeah, I always wondered that too. Again, I'm no expert.

I just know someone said, here, put this on. A lot of people in the room. I don't even know who said it. Yeah, it's tough to know. I said, okay. And then I thought, wow, this really hurts. This is really what I'm saying. Yeah, go ahead.

But it really hurt. So yeah, you're asking the wrong guy. Let's see. We talked about Neil Broughton, Otters, Searings, weddings, and sea rings. What else is going on, Cubby? Gosh, what else? Monday morning.

Do we have any? Oh, Dr. P's in today, isn't he? Don't know, don't care. We could ask him? Huh? We could ask him about C-rings. Maybe he knows the scientific background of those things. See, like Long-Lost Brother.

Jesus. Josh's long-lost brother Jesus says, is it for the Frank of the beans? I don't know. I didn't even think about the beans. Oh, they get the beans involved. Oh, man. Ouch. There are different types. See, the one that I had went nowhere close to

the beans. Yeah, I thought it was just for the Frank. It was a Frankie Franksky model. It was the Frank model. But I don't know, we could sit here all day because I didn't really know what I was doing. All I knew was it hurt like a bastard. but did I even try it three times? Yeah, I did.

I just, okay, I'll try it again. Maybe I'm doing something. Same person suggested or was it still too difficult to figure out who was talking? There's so many people in the room. I don't know who suggested it. But I went along with it three times and still didn't. I just finally just. At least you tried.

I gave it to some by. I don't even know who took it out of my hand. But at least I tried, she says. Yeah, there you go. All right. So she's Monday. You say Dr. P is going to be. be here? He'll be here.

Really, it's been two weeks since we've seen him? Yeah. God, F me. Seems like just yesterday. We'll take our first break of the day. We'll come back with the stupid news here in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show. 93. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh.

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Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Hope you don't mind. I hope you don't mind, but, uh, I'd like to cover a couple of things before we begin scissoring with the stupid news. Let's go ahead and get a couple of things out the way, respectfully. Dukes of Hazard fans have been texting in this morning

about the passing of actor Ben Jones, who died at the age of 84. Poor guy died of a heart attack. Ben Jones was known for his portrayal of mechanic Cuder Davenport on the damned Dukes of Hazard television series. He made that run Cubby from 19 and 79 all the way to 1985. Never missed an episode. How long's it going to take?

Yeah, we're going to need him by a Saturday for the Cherokee County Dirt Road Classic. Yo, I can have him out of here by tomorrow. Yoohoo. Cooter, we love you. For $180. Ah! How quickly love can turn to hate. It took a turn.

That was almost like Hogbauer. Yeah, it is very Hogbauer-esque. It's not how much, it's how much you got. Today's program brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive, Third Avenue and Main Street. You see, that was part of the reason why I never got myself completely dialed into the Dukes of Hazard. All that, yeah, ha, stuff just drove me. I thought it was awesome. I just, my brother was 1,000 percent dedicated.

episode in and out to the Dukes of Hazard? It just I loved James Best, the actor James Best who portrayed Roscoe P. Coltrane. He was hilarious. I loved him in a lot of different roles.

Funny, fun actor. Other than that, the Dukes of Hazard wasn't really my thing. This Ben Jones, who portrayed Cooter, I don't have the details here, but this is what was written in the New York Times. His road to stardom came after a challenging period that saw him battle alcoholism, arrests, and three divorces. I don't know the

details there, but Crazy Cooter. Stard alongside, of course, John Schneider as Bo Duke and Tom Wopat as beautiful singer Tom Wopat. Luke, Duke. He had a couple of records? Yeah. I thought Schneider was the one who sang. Or maybe they both sang. I don't know about Schneider, but Tom Wopat. Schneider had a hit single in there at one point or another. Was it called?

John Schneider had a hit single when the Dukes of Hazard was at their highest peak. What the hell was the name of the song? Wopat, that's news to me. Wopat still tours? I don't know if he still. He did a few years ago at least. Hmm. Can anyone look up?

I'm trying to remember. I heard Tom and a on a podcast talking about it. I've been around enough to know. Who were we talking about? John Schneider. Or I'm going to leave you tomorrow. That doesn't ring a bell.

But yeah, right, he had a... I'm trying to see if this is the same John Schneider. Yeah. I can't... Same guy. And they charted those songs. I mean, they were pretty big singles from what I remember.

Tom Wolpat bought me a Miller Light at a casino in Mississippi, about 25 years ago. He seems like the type of guy. Bought me a Miller light. So there you go. Cuder is gone. Now, this side story on Ben Jones, otherwise known as Couter, I didn't realize.

But he went on in later years to start his own little brand called Cooter's Garage, where he sold cancuzzis and there was a museum dedicated to the Dukes of Hazard and the Cooter character. I think a couple of them ended up being built in Virginia and Tennessee. A buddy of mine got me a Cooter's Garage Cancousie from one of these museums years ago. So I could bring it in and show it to you. He went on to be kind of an entrepreneur and a politician for some reason. Tom Wolpat's going to be a Winona in a few days, actually. Is he really?

The 39th annual Upper Mississippi Jazz Festival. Geez, he's 74, 5 years old. He's still doing it. I did not know he was a singer. I knew about John Schneider. Here's someone who texted in. John Schneider, don't give up on us, baby. No, that was David Sol.

David Soul from Starsky and Hutch. Saying, don't give up on us, baby. I believe I have that correct. Dusty Blades. Jesus, he's going to jump his truck over the Mississippi today in honor of Cooter Davenport. I always wanted to jump something just like the Duke Boys did. He could build the vehicle to do it, couldn't he, Cooter? Yeah, he could.

He's the one that kept that General Lee running. I loved the General Lee. Yeah, I mean, I like the car, and I like James Best. Other than that, Bo and Luke just kind of aggravated the piss out of me. I thought they were great. I even watched the Dukes of Hazard when it was the cousins, you know. That would be Coy and Vance. Yeah, I watched that.

I tried it. Tried it, couldn't do it. Did you try the movie? No. About 10 minutes worth. Yeah. It was garbage. Not very good?

No. How about that Daisy Duke, though? Yeah, Jessica Simpson is the only thing going for that movie. And Catherine Bach, a lot of people. Some people would say Catherine Bach was all that the original television series had going for it. One of my favorite stories related to the Dukes of Hazard series was a gal and a guy, both of them were friends of mine, decided they were going to go out on a date. Everyone kept telling them because they were both single, you know, you two should go on a, you two should be a couple. They finally decided to go on a date.

And I ran into the gal a couple weeks after this date happened. And I said, well, how did everything go with Donnie? and she said, yeah, that's not going to work. And Donnie's a great guy, and she's a great gal. So I was kind of surprised. I was like, really? Well, what happened? And she said, well, he insisted that we go see the Dukes of Hazard movie on our date.

And I said, oh, no. And she said, yeah, I wasn't really crazy about the, but I went anyway. And she said, I can't date him. She said, that movie was one of the dumbest movies she had ever seen. seen in her life and she said Donnie her date laughed at every single thing that I'm not talking about God forbid. She said it wasn't like a ha ha ha ha she said he was rolling in the aisles at every stupid joke in that stupid movie and she said I can't date a guy who found that garbage funny.

I had a similar experience in one of the Harold and Kumar movies early in a relationship and I brought her and I thought it was just the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life and she didn't she didn't crack a single smile the entire time and she was is judging me and I didn't care. This is hilarious. I don't care if this goes nowhere. I'm going to enjoy myself. This person says they're 55 and they still bring their

dukes a hazard lunchbox to work. Adorable. Oh, I'd a buddy who had one of those. Oh, probably got that canteen in it and everything. The whole metal one, that's cool. Also, before we move on, we had a brief conversation about weddings earlier this morning. We were talking about if we'd ever

been to a wedding where originally the conversation was, where something happened that interrupted the proceedings, you know, before the I-dos, did something happen? Did somebody pass out? Did somebody vomit all over? The conversation branched into basically any goat rodeo that had a negative effect on a wedding. So we got some texts on, you know, fights at the reception and people being too drunk to do this or that. One of the more interesting texts we got, Josh read it.

from Motocycho Jesus, who said, I was at a wedding where the father of the groom punched the bride in the yapper at the reception. He accused her of being a gold digger. So he asked the guy, get back to us. Did the bride continue on? What happened? Motocyco Jesus said,

the cops were called. The father was taken away. The party resumed. So the bride shook it off. That's impressive. She can take a punch. Josh said he thinks he could have knocked that bride out with one punch. Well, if she wasn't prepared for it, and I snuck up on her.

Right. All right. Interesting story, Motocycho, Jesus. You've seen some things. Yeah, that's terrible. You know, that's the advantage of having no gold to dig. I don't have to worry about it. I've never wondered somebody's motivation.

All right. On with the report now. I don't know if you folks will agree with me, but I'm not ashamed to say it. I enjoy watching the 24-hour shopping channels. Do you really? I do. Wow.

That surprises me. What do you like about? What do you like me? Insanely angry. Do they make you angry? Yeah, I hate them so much. Oh, really? So stupid.

Get back to us. I want to know your emotions. I mean, is it something where you think, gosh, I might want that? A couple years ago, I flipped it over to the 24-hour shopping program. And I found myself locked in. there's something about watching those television hosts describe the different items in great detail. There's something about just simply learning

about the different products that holds my attention. Well, they're good at what they do. They are. I never buy anything. And I think it has something to do with being like a learning experience for me. I don't know Dick about most of what they're pushing on that show. The techie stuff, I don't get it. The clothes, what do I know about clothes?

the kitchen appliances, I can't cook. The furniture, I'm comfortable in a lawn chair. Did you ever go to that as seen on TV store at the Mall of America? No. Oh, that place is fun. Is it still there? Good question. I'm not sure.

I don't think so. I feel like I might have seen that. I go to the mall often enough. So I think it's because, Josh, I know absolutely nothing about any of the products that they're selling. It's like a learning experience for me. I can watch the program. It holds my attention for longer than you'd think. And like Josh said, the hosts of the show are excellent at what they do.

Very well-spoken. Those peckerheads could sell Satan a space heater. They could sell condoms at a convent, snow shoes to a camel. Anyway, the hosts of the 24-hour shopping programs, they're not perfect. They F up now and again, just like us mere mortals. It says here on the QVC channel, whatever that is, one of the hosts was showing off a wig that was for sale. And she said something dirty.

Instead of saying blowout, she said blowjob, and of course that's funny. I love to show the texture and this wave pattern. Again, it looks like you went and got a blow job at your blowout, at your salon. and it looks beautiful. All right, so I will remind you that this is a one-time-only price where the price goes up at the end. Tough moment there. Poor girl. I've seen something like that in person.

A blow job at the salon? You bastard. I remember this story. This was your mother. Yeah, that's where I found out she was aware of that term. I'd hope she never knew what that was. Well, she knew what a blow job was. No, she didn't stop it.

Well, I guess she did. I think about it. Of course she did. This was my son when he was four or five, I forget. He was blowing up a birthday balloon on his birthday. Oh, no. And my mom, you know, she was encouraging him. She's like, oh my gosh, you give a great blow job.

And then turned red when she realized what she said. I thought maybe she doesn't know what she's saying. I'm going to not have a reaction to this, but everybody bust out laughing. And then I learned something about my mother then. Well, of course, for God's sake. At least she didn't say, why, you handled that like I handle my blow jobs. I never want to hear my mom say that word. That combination is bad to hear your parent put together, isn't it?

So this gal's name who accidentally said BlowJ, her name is Tony, and she feels like a total jabroney. As you heard in the audio, eventually some other host took over with the jawjackin and Tony. The video's kind of funny. She went ahead and ducked down out of sight, but everyone saw her duck out of sight slowly. Well, lucky for her, her back was to the camera the whole time. So you're looking at the back of her head versus seeing her face as she realizes what she just said. She was showing off that wig.

So she ducked behind a couch. She couldn't handle it. She later posted it. You know, she posted the video on her godless social media pages. So, you know, she's all right. She got a kick out of it. But yeah, I, it's not every night. but if I'm scrolling through the channels

and I meet up with one of those shopping channels, I watch. Yeah, no, I can't stand them. I don't like when people repeat themselves. You reacted very, very negatively. You hate them. And your reasoning behind that is what? Yeah, I hate those shows

because I hate when people repeat themselves over and over and over again. Like, okay, I heard the deal the first time. You don't need to say it's 17 million gazillion more time. I don't know why. So it has to do with the millions and the gazillions? Like just I hate just the repetitiveness of it. What the hell are you doing in this position?

I mean, we constantly repeat ourselves on this program. Yeah, no, it's a little different. I wonder. If I don't hear, for example, if somebody's talking to me and I don't hear them like the second time, I'm not like embarrassed to ask them like, huh? I just don't want to do it again. Like I don't care enough. I don't need you to repeat yourself.

Oh, really? I get embarrassed. Like, gosh, I'm going to have. piss this person off that I missed it the first. I'll just have to try and, through context, clues, guess what they say? Or just nod. I wonder if you'd like this show. There was a comedy a few years ago on Showtime called I Love That for You.

It was a little weird, but it definitely had his moments. So I wonder if you dig that, Nick, just because it's about the salespeople. I probably would. Yeah, Josh, I was totally surprised. The first time I turned on the shopping channel a couple years ago, I was totally surprised that I didn't change the channel within seconds. There was something mesmerizing about it. And again...

That's very grandmoney of you. Yeah, a little bit. Sure, whatever. Call it, whatever you want. Nick ordered 100 doilies off the television. And again, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that almost everything that they're selling is a product that I know nothing about. Well, they're so enthusiastic.

Yeah. I always wonder how ripped off you're going to get, something like that. And then they're smart because they put up the time, a countdown class. Hey, you better get in on this. Otherwise, you're going to miss out. Oh, yeah, the countdown clock. I forgot about that aspect. I dig it.

I dig it. I got respect for those people. Does that chick on Shark Tank, Lori? Does she still own QVC or whatever? She's like Buddy Buddies with them? Oh, I didn't know anything about that. Yeah, so I know that, like, some of the products that have been on there have been on Shark Tank, at least, and those seem legit. Sometimes those do very well.

That's how Uber was, right? Or ring doorbell? Something like that. One of those really big companies started on Shark Tank. You want to talk about an exciting gig. One of my pals was a 24-hour shopping network cameraman. Oh, the stories he could tell. Did he like it?

Oh, he's bored out of his mind. But he was trying to get into that field for a while, and it was a gig. I mean, he was 19 or 20 years old. Pretty easy. Here's a camera pointed at this couch for 45 minutes. Did he ever get any of, like, free stuff? Oh, I don't remember. I don't think there was anything there he would have wanted in the first place.

But it was kind of funny. So I guess I lied. I guess I did have prior experience with the shopping network when we were 19 or 20 years old. When my pal was working as a cameraman, I would turn on the channel because I'd tell him, I'd say, hey, at 2.45 a. Wiggle your camera totally out of control just to let me know. And so he would. He would wait until 245. And then go, boom, bo, bo, with the camera and the host would go, are you okay over there?

He didn't care. He was getting like $4 an hour. Up at the crack of dawn. She just said, Ashley, you're correct. The ring doorbell was on Shark Tank and they all passed on it. Yep. Crazy. I love that show.

I'm addicted to that show. It's kind of like the same thing, I guess, but less repeating. It's all about whether you repeat yourself or not. Like a million times. And like the same exact, you know, a slogan over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Hell, I don't know. This ain't no thing, really, in my opinion. I think any of us could have, any of us could easily live with this.

a politician lady who jumped in on a Zoom meeting. She joined in on the meeting from her bathroom. And in the background, she supposedly had some drawers drying on the shower curtain behind her. Thank you. Can you hear me? Yeah, you might want to move your camera. Why? Where is it? Because you can see your washing. Oh, okay.

But anyway, please, please. Can you see me? Yes, for Kim. Oh, that's great. Okay, you can see my washing, you can see me. It's no problem. Okay, right. Did seem like a weird place to have a Zoom call, I guess.

And like, even if you can't really see everything, you can always tell by the echo. Anyway, it's not like the gal had a studded leather strap-on wrapped in barbed wire hanging in the back. I mean, or her gimp was peering out of its cage into the camera. To me, it wasn't even obvious. all that what she had hanging back there was underwear's in the first place. So I don't really get this one. I mean, why did the lady have to call her out? Yeah, the one lady seemed kind of pissy about it.

So what? I got my, the gal by the name of Joe, again, she's a politician in New Zealand or some stupid place like that. So, as you heard other folks in the meeting said, you know, you got your drawers in the back and she's like, yeah, so what? You know? Maybe it's one of those things where they already couldn't stand each other and they just look for something to pick apart.

This Zoom meeting gimmick is. been a thing now since the pandemic hit town, what, six years ago? So many bizarre disasters have cut loose on Zoom meetings over the years. At this point, it's going to take more than some oversized panties hanging in the background to grab anyone's attention. Yep. You know, so. It was kind of funny. Someone better at least be getting an H.J or something in the background to bother us. I don't know if I heard of Zoom until the pandemic. Same. Maybe. Maybe. Well, I didn't know what was a thing until the pandemic. There was such a thing? It was out there. Oh, I thought it was created because of the pandemic.

I think it became like the Kleenex of video calls during the pandemic. Everybody called it that. Never really followed that whole movement. Japan, dude. Japan is metal. More often than not, Japan rules. And they're usually up to something totally awesome in Japan. But nothing and no one bats a thousand.

There's always going to be a wild card or two. Like this frigging clown right here. After terrorizing his neighborhood for years and years, the Japanese police finally arrested this year guy, a 61-year-old prick bastard. Dinkus will call him. The story says that Dinkus did nothing but make as much noise as possible day in, day out, until folks started to legitimately crack up for years.

Didn't have no job, didn't have sh to do. So all day and night, he would blast the radio out the window of his crib, 24 hours a day. He also played the electric guitar louder than balls all day, up and down. He'd play that guitar, the radio of the guitar, the radio, seven years. Seven. I would lose my mind. 80 decibels of pure noise.

Someone measured it. And that was the word, 80 decibels. Over those seven years, the cops would write the prick a warning or two. But he didn't care. He kept pumping up the jams. Wait, the 80 decibels, was that recorded from like somebody else's house? Yeah. That's insane.

Yeah. What? It says here, his neighbors were climbing the walls. New guy in the neighborhoods in the corner puking his guts out. They couldn't sleep. They became depressed. One dude admitted he no longer had the ability to conjure up a heart on. If that lasted seven years and nothing was being done about it,

no matter like how much I bitched or complained, I would move. That would make me incredibly crazy. Some folks in the neighborhood had watery stools. Because for seven years, this neighbor, again, the radio, out the window, the guitar out the window. Day in, day out, it never stopped. Now, I'm not sure what change, but the local cops finally kicked in the door

over there at Dinkas' house, and they turned off the radio, and they unplugged his guitar, and they batonned him until he stopped moving. No more! And then they tossed him into Japanese jail. What inspires someone to be that big of a jerk? I don't know.

One of our neighbors here in the building this morning was, I don't know what he was jamming out to, but he had an impressive stereo in his vehicle. And I keep in mind, it's three something in the morning, so there's not a lot of competing noise. But I wish I knew what it was. And whatever it was, he was really into it. So someone who was parked? They're driving in our parking lot. Oh, driving in our parking lot.

Like headed to a neighboring business? Yep, down the building from us here. And he was really cranking it up. I haven't heard a radio that long in a while. I mean, remember, like, what would you say, mid to late 90s, maybe even early 2000s, where everyone had the world's biggest subs and cars, like bolts. You'd have to put locktight on bolts in some vehicles. Rattle your soul.

I don't hear that anymore, but that was kind of like that today. Not quite to that extreme, but holy heck, that was loud. Yeah, you're right. Thankfully we don't hear that anymore. Whenever I hear that on the road, I'm like, congrats, dude. Everybody knows you're listening to music. Yay. Now back to this guy, this Japanese guy.

who tortured his neighborhood for seven years. Who is this guy? Is he Akira Takasaki? The reason I asked that question, and of course, you know, Akira Takasaki as the wildly talented lead guitar player for loudness, famous Japanese rock band Loudness, Rock and Roll Crazy Night. Maybe this guy is Akiri Takasaki because when the cops searched his house, They seized more than 40 electric guitars.

How do you afford something like that? Because maybe he's a Kiri Takasaki. And manufacturers just give him guitars? Yeah. You ever get into loudness? Not so much. No offense to loudness. That guitar player was.

I mean, you're a guitar player. Oh, yeah, definitely a talented guitar player. You certainly recognized his skill set. Of course. They couldn't write a song. Nightmare Jesus said, if he had that neighbor, the power would be cut, one way or the other. Just going to unplug that house. Yeah.

You know, maybe in another part of the world, this guy would have been killed by his neighbors or they just would have cut the power, burned his house down. In Japan, maybe they're just that damn polite. I don't know. Maybe Japan's the only place that this would have gone on so long.

All right, before we go, oh, if you want to go to jail, there are a few real easy ways to get that done. one would be murder munging is another what else is there did we say munging knocking out old ladies I'm trying to come up with ways you could

quickly and easily go to jail murder munging I don't know if you could go to jail from munching unless you're the one that made them dead I thought that was against the law a 39 year old jagoff in New Jersey dude goes by the name of Christopher he was obviously looking for a quick route

to the county jail or maybe he's just some sorry some bitch who smokes rock. I don't know. He upped and stole an armored police vehicle worth a half a million damn dollars. He stole it from the police station parking lot. They call the rig a bear cat. Those are sweet. Which is primarily used, it says here, by the stinking swat team or the military. Hostage situations, active shooters, and all that super serial stuff.

Have you been in one of those, Josh? Yeah, a couple times. Sweet. Where'd you go in the bear cat? nowhere no it was just like uh you know like at the neighborhood here's all the cool stuff your tax dollars pay for and you sat inside the bear cat yep stood up in the turret cool dude you go vrm i'm actually so jealous no it's more pew pew pew pew you know i was operating do you remember the names of any of the other second graders that you did the bear cat tour with there was like an aiden a caylin brayden hayden jaden yeah jackson all right this christopher hard on.

He took this bear cat on a joyride. I don't know how the hell he got it started, but there he goes. It didn't take long for the cops to smash this guy's teeth down his throat and get him to pull over. Christopher sucks. He's all done. He's facing multiple charges, theft and burglary. He also caused more than $13,000 in damages

to the police parking structure. So he... Not going to drive? He was knocking the bear cat into the walls and whatnot. Okay. That would be fun. He stole some things out of the bear cat. There's some cool stuff in there.

You know, I bet it was really fun. I suppose. All right, back to munging. I forgot this. The description goes on forever. Real quick, though, U of M recycling, Jesus said, what's munging? I think I'll look it up.

No, we forgot to warn you. Don't look it up. I think you should look it up. No, you're going to want to look it up, but don't. You're going to regret it. There's never been one person that got back to us and said, not that bad. It's horrible. Melvin the mop boy Jesus said, the first step of munging is

grave desecration. I forgot about that. Oh, I'm sorry. And he said, you can't get in trouble. And then he said, or so I've heard. You were making it sound like munging was an innocent act. I forgot about that, that like key, crucial part of it. I wouldn't say innocent because I'm kidding, of course. You are, now that I think about it, you're desecrating a body. Yeah, you can get serious trouble. Graves desecration, he says. All right, you dirty bastards. So we settled that. Sports on the 93

eggs half-assed morning show. Unfortunately, Bill couldn't make it here today. I thought it was because training camp had already started. But in truth, it's because he's judging his girlfriend's cheerleading competition. I was lucky enough to play with the greatest quarterback in Patriot

history. Unfortunately, he was unable to make it here today. Drew Bloodsoe. I had a few more Tom Brady jokes, but I was afraid that he had run up on the stage and maybe give me a Will Smith like he did to Logan Paul last month. To the Colts fans, your excitement fueled us all. I'll never forget the energy, the excitement, and the pride that swept through the city.

And Peyton, thank you for generously donating your forehead for today's teleprompter. Hey, Pat McAfee's here in the crowd today. Great to see you, brother. The only person who enjoyed holding my balls more than my wife. So former NFL kicker Adam Vinatari went into the Football Hall of Fame over the weekend along with some other gibronies. And it felt like he was auditioning for a celebrity roast or something. I love them. Kind of felt like an open mic night or something.

He told some jokes and whatnot. You heard a couple of them there? Some bitch was really rolling. Some thought it was funny. Others thought he made a total jackhole out of himself. I don't know. Yeah, it was pretty polarizing. I don't know.

That balls joke, that shocked me. I mean, come on, there's old ladies and kids hanging around. I don't know. Whatever, the guy had a good time. Some people are mad at him for making. It was funny, but I thought, geez, I wonder how much trouble he's going to get in for that. Joking around about balls. I didn't know the guy was cute like that, Adam Venetary.

I didn't know anything about him. There you go. I wonder what Randy Shaver will make of it. We'll run those jokes by Randy at 730. What else do we have time for here? The twins. We'll tell you about that later. tell you about the links.

I swear to God, I had something else. Oh, well, we'll talk a little bit about the banana ballers. We're in town. I know some people went and saw the banana ball. We'll take a break. Josh's news will be coming up next. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh.

That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast.

Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation. benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Mike Trott, hosted by former Navy SEAL, Mike Ridland. What is your take? Was it what you expected? Oh, it was the best thing ever. It was something I always wanted to do.

If you show me a clear goal, I'm like, okay, I can do that. Master Chief. He's like, you realize there's about 1% chance of you. You making a three? 1%. That's all I need master chief. My platoon went home early, and I just went up to my chief, and I was like, I'm not going home. Turns out I'm staying.

That's when we go to war. Yeah. I was like, okay, I could get used to this. Mike drop. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93X half-assed morning show. Nice. Nice.

Nice. It's every person's worst nightmare. This individual just started approaching the car, seeming to have a conversation with the woman while she was pumping her gas. finding her own business. And then it all goes sideways. It was just after midnight at a Georgia Shell gas station when a stranger targeted a mother's children and immediately discovered messing with mom comes with a price.

Surveillance video from the Shell station captured a shirtless, barefoot man wandering toward the family's vehicle. He peers inside, spotting a child. Uh-oh. When the kid jumps out and runs around the car, the man gave chase. He then tried to open the back door where a second child was seated. One of the children exits the vehicle.

He's now trying to grab that child. Then he goes around the vehicle and tries to open a door and pull another child out. That's when the mother turned a routine fill up into a full service butt kicking, realizing, retaliating, that is, with the nearest weapon she could find, a gas pump nozzle. She swung the nozzle to drive him back and by precious seconds for her kid to scramble to safety inside. Two bystanders rushed in to assist as the woman continued her attempt to beat. the shell out of the guy. The man fled the scene, but police quickly tracked him down. During a search of his vehicle, officers from Marietta found marijuana. 29-year-old Geron Tucker was taken to the Cobb County Jail facing charges that include attempted

kidnapping. That community called 911, worked together to keep the children safe and give us time to get him into custody. This guy sounds like a great candidate for adoption. Did he ever consider that? I mean adopting a child? Yeah, as opposed to just dragging it. Just dragging him. one out of a car. He never looked into adoption? He might have. It's a lot of work. You know, a lot of hoops you've got to jump through. There really are. But doesn't he sound like a good candidate for it? He obviously

loves children. If I was going to advocate for him, I'd bring that up. Oh yeah, that one hurt me. I hurt myself on that one. According to the gas station manager Tucker had been kicked off that property multiple times a four.

You got me to a point there, Josh, where I don't think I can come back from it. A couple living in the suburbs of Detroit have been accused of tossing an explosive device into their neighbor's yard, along with a chilling two-word message. Bye-bye. Wait a minute. Which was not so subtle, subtle. I was living like in constant, on the edge, in discomfort, not knowing what is he going to do next. Forty-five-year-old Jason showers and his wife, 38-year-old Megan, both of St. Clair Shores, Michigan, each faced decades in.

prison if convicted of charges tied to last week's incendiary incident that nearly remade a neighbor into a chunky crimson paste. Prosecutors said Megan lit the explosive, described as a red cylinder with the words bye-bye on it, before Jason pitched the payload toward their elderly neighbor's yard looking to create a 72-year-old smear on the suburban landscape. Do you think he wanted to kill you? Oh yeah, he wanted to definitely to harm me in a serious way. He's got this explosive device there, I could have been killed or maimed or something could have happened. So Megan handled the lighting, Jason handled the launching, and the neighbor handled the rest. Against all odds, the septuagenarian target managed to extinguish the explosive, narrowly dodging

a sudden and involuntary transformation into human soup. Law enforcement officials later searched the couple's home finding firearms, ammunition, and materials for assembling explosive devices. since Jason is a habitual offender with at least four prior felony convictions, he can say bye-bye to his freedom for a very long time. The judge will be able to impose a life sentence if he's convicted. So this bomb was the real deal? Yeah, supposedly so. Luckily it didn't go off.

What was this about to me, not that it was about anything, but on the surface? It sounded like it was a property dispute, and then things just kept going for a long time. Well, son of a bitch. Late Saturday night, hundreds of teenagers and young adults aboard electric scooters and e-bikes swarmed downtown Minneapolis streets and sidewalks. There's a lot of them out there now. Yeah, there are. So many.

They did so before taking the two-wheeled excitement directly on her interstate 35W in a massive coordinated scooter takeover. What are you looking to get killed? Exactly. What was intended to be a modest gathering of about 20 scooters, ballooned after a call went out on TikTok to meet near U.S. Bank Stadium. For Christ's sake. The viral post drew a crowd of about 300 riders who poured into the city core with a simple

goal ride through the streets together. And for a while, that's exactly what they did until that collective joyride turned perilous. Riders veered onto 35W, prompting State Patrol to respond about 11 p.m. When witnesses reported a sea of lime scooters speeding down the highway. Everyone just kind of showed up. It wasn't super well planned or like thought out or anything. It just seemed like a cool thing to do. And it was just fun.

So Ashley posted this video on 93X.com. Yeah. The lady talking there, skip to one minute and 22 seconds in this video. I think she's topless. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I didn't. I didn't notice that.

I don't know if I'm just... About a minute 22. And she's on the sidewalk? No, she's like they're doing a Zoom call. so I don't know if she's in her home or where she is, but I don't know if I've been in a dry spell and I'm making things up, but I swear she's not wearing a shirt.

Well, you know, it's all right. Yes, it's her home. She can do what she wants. A State Patrol spokesperson slammed the stunt as an extremely dangerous situation, emphasizing lime scooters and other non-motorized devices are strictly prohibited on freeways. To prevent future incidents,

they suggest implementing geo-fencing technology to block East Scooters from entering restricted city zones entirely. I'm surprised nobody got just smoked out there. Thankfully, no. Yeah, no accidents. Jesus. I'm a seasoned electric vehicle pilot. And that sounds very frightening to me to jump out onto the real freeway.

Minneapolis Police monitored the pack as it tore through downtown, describing the rider's movements as reckless and disruptive, despite the dangerous. highway intrusion and citywide disruption, police confirmed in a statement late Sunday afternoon no one was arrested or cited. Minneapolis is hardly alone in dealing with the scooter circus. Similar high-energy scooter takeovers have been breaking out in cities across the country. If I ran across it would be funny for like a total of five seconds.

Then I'd be like, all right, come on, dude. Like, let's go, guys. I have somewhere to be. Somebody texted in and said they nearly saw him get hit by a light rail. Oh, my Lord. I mean, it sounds fun if everybody's doing what you're supposed to do, right? Yeah, but going on the freeway, don't quite understand that. A Wisconsin woman's been charged with stealing a fire department vehicle completely naked.

36-year-old Emily Fair, who in this case was fairly exposed, made four unauthorized transmissions over the vehicle's dispatch radio just before 1 a.m. Tuesday, and none of them made much sense. Brennan, do you read me? Brennan, come in. I'm hungry. You got food in there? I'm exhausted.

She sounds a little affected. I've had a night. Around 2 a.m., an officer spotted the vehicle near a technical college. Fair pause just long enough to ask, are you following me or am I following you before driving off again? When officers caught up with the fire department pickup truck she was driving, they noticed the woman wasn't wearing. wearing a uniform or anything else.

The Badger State Beauty was bearing her beve. Are you a firefighter? Yeah. Okay, are you supposed to be driving this truck? Yeah. Yeah. Why are you naked right now? I'm supposed to be meeting.

Ooh, meeting someone. I wonder what they're going to meet for. What did she say? She asked her. Like, she asked her like she's just so stupid. She said, I'm meeting someone? I'm supposed to be meeting some. Who is that, lucky duck?

She then claimed to be a firefighter who was allowed to drive the vehicle. though given the circumstances and the fact she was bringing her own pair of headlights made that a tough sell so why are you naked driving a truck uh because i'm supposed to meet someone you're supposed to be taking this truck right now yeah okay no i doubt it well i also doubt it josh aren't you supposed to meet someone for lunch i am does that mean you're supposed to be totally nude that's what we agreed upon i love that because i'm to meet someone officers let her retrieve her dress which turned up in the back of the vehicle before taking her into custody. Crack rocks.

Yeah. I don't know what was going on in Wisconsin with Miss Emily Fair, but she likes to party. Crack Rocks. From Fair to Ferrer, a deranged Florida man named Riley Ferrer. Crack rocks. Possibly. He was accused of trying to steal a medical helicopter

while first responders were treating victims of a violent crash. I don't know if it was necessarily crack rocks, because this crash, by the way, he caused. He said what happened was he saw the Antichrist. Oh, wow. I hate when that happens. Authority said Ferrer lost control of his anti-Chrysler, veered off the road, slammed into another vehicle, and rolled into the woods. That crash left two people severely injured, prompting officials to call in a medical helicopter for an emergency airlift.

He thought maybe he could drive that thing. Yeah, you got to have a lesson. Most people involved in a serious crash, of course, wait for help, but he preferred, granted. theft aircraft. While paramedics were preparing the injured victims for transport, he made a beeline for the helicopter and attempted to hijack it. Fortunately, his aviation career was grounded before it ever got off the ground because he'd never piloted a helicopter. Go, go, crack, rock, copter. Helicopter remained exactly where it was supposed to be, allowing crews to load the injured patients and fly them to a hospital. As for why this happened, he reportedly told authorities he

saw the Antichrist moments before losing control of his vehicle. Well, it'd make me lose control of my vehicle, I'll tell you that. Whether that vision was real remains a mystery, but either way, he was taken to jail. You ever seen the Antichrist, Josh? Thankfully. Not yet. It will straighten you out. I can imagine.

Especially when you're not prepared for such a thing. Not ready for it at all. Someone's raining blood from drones hovering over the floor to skies, and it pains me to say that might have just turned Ashley on. A little bit. Move over, Pizza Guy. Tampa General Hospital announced last week they're launching a drone delivery program to fly blood straight to the scene of catastrophic injuries. Blood.

The goal is to get blood to the scene in just minutes, giving patients who are hemorrhaging a better chance of survival. It'd be about three minutes from when the call is made until the blood arrives. So maybe this patient is getting blood and the time the ambulance gets there in five minutes. And if necessary, first responders can begin blood transfusions right there on the scene, like Amazon Prime, but with O-negative. X in the field, they know the patient needs blood, but they got to get them packed up, put in the back of an ambulance, drive with lights and sirens, get them to the hospital,

then we have to recognize they need blood, then get the blood at the hospital and get it into the patient. Okay. And if this thing works, they could take it around the hemoglobin, potentially putting the technology to use worldwide. Although the new program is exciting, residents in the splatter zone prey, they never have to look up and wonder if the same aerial drizzle tack

will be applied to sperm banks. The Bleeding Edge operation is scheduled to begin deliveries in October. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. It sounds like a good thing, right? They think this is going to save a lot of lives. Three minutes, that's pretty quick. Yeah.

Unsure whether he was headed to a luau or samurai showdown, the coolest guy in Florida decided to prep for both. Armed with a Japanese katana in one hand and a lit tiki torch in the other, the 22-year-old was spotted walking down the street with an absurd combo, which soon went from weird to dangerous. According to witnesses, he wasn't just lighting up a backyard party. He was using the Tiki torch to set multiple fires along the road. Detactives reported earlier that night,

the same man had already tried pouring gasoline on parked cars and doused a motorcycle outside a bar before running off. Deputies cornered him at a local park where he was still clutching his burning torch and samurai sword. Actually, if a guy shows up at a party with a katana and a Tiki Torch, are you going to be intrigued at all? Dude, we're friends. Yeah, absolutely.

There's no, like the party starts when that guy gets there. I would kind of think that at first, you know? Definitely. Yeah. And obviously when you find out all the other stuff, maybe it ruins the party a bit. You would assume, like, something cool is about to happen. Tiki torch and a katana? I don't have either of those things.

I didn't know you could have both at once. Let's fight. You wouldn't happen to have one of those for me, would you? Yeah, right. We used to have a couple of teaky torches. Yeah, they were stupid. Yeah, they were the cheap ones, so I think after the first rain, they got destroyed. Yep.

All teaky torches ever did was give me something new to trip over once I got drunk. That's so injured. I think they're kind of cool. Oh, yeah? A little set the party mood. Are you a teaky torch, truther? I like the party. Josh works her big teaky torch.

I just like the party is all. Justin Thoreau 55 Today, Antonio Bandera 66. This lady inspired two classic jams of the 80s. Rosanna Arquette, who Toto named their Grammy-winning mega-hit Rosanna after. What was the other one? I'll tell you in a second. She dated their keyboard player for a spell. And a brief fling with Peter Gabriel inspired Pete to write in your eyes.

I was a fan of Rosanna Arquette's until that last little fun fact. You don't like Peter Gabriel? Oh, I like him. Happy anniversary to aftermarket bolt-on Jesus and show your boobs win a balloon Jesus. Happy 40th to Trunk Monkey Jesus and happy birthday to Finley, aka Fantastic, now officially a teenager at 13 from Dad. But you didn't mean not to Jesus, and that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the Half-Ass Morning Show. And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce.

The next guest ring announcer from the sports department of Channel 11, WU. This is some great stuff. I don't care who you are. Hello, Randy Schaver. Good morning. Hello, Brad Ryder. Good morning. You recognize that audio, Randy?

I don't. It's a long time ago. You got to introduce Sean Michaels. You don't remember it. No, I don't remember that at all. What great audio. You look the same, by the way. Does he look the same?

Yeah. A listener by, there's video of that? Yeah. Yeah, you can find this on YouTube. This is Russell Rock. You have no memory of, I have no. I have no. It is.

A listener by the name of left-handed specialist Jesus sent us the audio. This was April of 1986, an event at the Metrodome, the old Metrodome, called Russell Rock. And apparently Randy Schaeber, unless there was some other Randy Schaver in town at the time. That's insane. That was you. I have no memory of that. In the squared circle as guest ring announcer, setting up a match between the Midnight Rockers,

who then eventually just became the Rockers. They dropped the Midnight from their name. Sean Michaels and Marty Genetti, legendary tag team. I mean, Sean Michael is one of the greatest ever. There you were in the early days of his career. And they were taking on Doug Summers and Playboy Buddy Rose. Said that took place in 1986? Yes.

I'm going to call my parents this afternoon and scold them for not bringing me to that when I was one-year-old. That sounds awesome. Yeah, the video is much longer. Your intro is funny stuff. There's some interaction between you and some of the wrestlers. You played it perfectly. Really? Really?

Not like physical, but there was some back and forth. The heels, I'm sure, we're kind of climbing on Randy's ass a little bit, right? Buddy Rose and Doug Summers must have been. Honestly, God, I don't. I'm really good. remembering things that I've done for the most part, I have no recollection. I mean, we're sure that's Randy in there? Yeah, I saw the video.

Because I didn't watch the video. Unless it's AI now that I think about it. But yeah, left-handed specialist Jesus, he emailed me over the weekend. He said, I was just kind of looking up old wrestling videos and look what I found. That's awesome. I have watched Russell Rock on YouTube. You know, I've fast-forwarded and stopped and started. I never noticed or never noticed.

ever saw this segment before. And you really have zero memory of this. I really do. That's kind of concerning. Yeah. I mean, the only wrestling that I obviously remember is when I was in the ring with Hulk Hogan and Mad Dog. That one clearly I remember.

That was at the old Met Center. Yeah. It was a live shot that I did during a newscast. This other thing, gosh, I just don't remember. It was. I'm sure. I bet I did it because I loved wrestling back in those days. But I... This was kind of the dying days of the AWA.

Yeah. But there were some big names on the card. Barry Windham, Mike Rotundo, Harley Raced, Rick Martel, Kurt Hennig, Scott Hall. Yeah. So do you have any memory of Scott Ledoux with Bob Lertzima in his corner? Well, in a boxing match against Larry Zabisco? I don't remember that. So you don't remember milling around with Bob Lertzma backstage or anything?

I certainly remember Scott Ladoo. Yeah. Fabulous guy and Bob Lertzma, obviously, but I don't remember that. Nick Bachwinkle was there. Greg Gagne, Jimmy Snooka, King Kong, Brody, Sheik Adnan, LKC, Vern wrestled, Vern Ganya. Yeah. The Road Warriors, the fabulous freebirds.

I mean, this was a loaded card. Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, most of the reviews that I've read over the years about wrestle rock say that this was not a great show. But, I mean, they happen. You know, no one bats a thousand. That is really cool that you were there and also a little worrisome that you have zero memory of it. Were you drinking a lot back then? Were you doing drugs?

No, but you got to remember, that's 40 years ago. Well, yeah, I mean, but this wasn't your average day for, Pete's sake. No, well, true, but I mean, that's 40 years ago. And Randy's offense, there were some wrestling shows my 20s that I don't remember being at necessarily because of the beers. Yeah, a little too many. Yeah.

Too many you kicked back. I mean, but if you would have gotten in the ring for ring announcing. Yeah, I would have remembered that. Yeah, well, there you go. I don't know. Maybe it was AI. Maybe it never happened. There'd be a weird thing to AI.

Yeah, that really weird. Actually, I'm looking at the video. It was posted nine years ago. Were we AIing back then? No. think so. No deep fakes quite yet. I have vague memories.

I mean, of course, like I said, I've watched it on YouTube once or twice, you know, scanning around, popping around from match to match. But I do have vague memories of the lead-up to this. So if I'm not mistaken, yeah, this was, you know, a handful of days after WrestleMania. You know, so a lot of the thunder had been sucked out of AWA. because of the explosion of the WWF and Hulk Hogan and all that. But damn, man. I wish I would have been there.

Yeah, I mean, the Metroome, that's not a small venue to fill. That's pretty impressive. They didn't fill it. Oh, they didn't know. No. Okay. That was back when I just worshipped wrestling, too. I could have thrown some toilet paper at you a year ahead of time.

Yeah, Dana, there's some angles here in the video where there's nobody in certain parts of the del. Good seats still available. Yeah. But I mean, really, what an all-star list. Yeah. Kamala, the Ugandan giant, was there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, man.

Well, there you go. Thank you for the audio. Yeah. Left-handed specialist. Jesus. Well, Randy, here's the deal. Now you've got to go on YouTube because you can find the event easily. Watch your segment, and maybe some of it will come back to you.

I will. I'll do that. You did a pretty good job announcing the boys, although you didn't tell us where, you didn't bother to tell us where Sean Michaels was for. Some of that was in there. What? Some of that was in there. Oh, you edited.

It just, it got kind of long. Randy. So he did a great job. Josh thought you went on a little too long. That wasn't your fault. You would get interrupted. It's comforting and know some things never changed. What a great card.

Yeah. WrestleMania, 86, baby. All right. Gentlemen, I hope you had a great weekend. Twins lost in X. yesterday in Milwaukee. They've lost a few games here in the last week or so by a single run. They've had some opportunities, really, honestly, to move up into the standings in the wildcard race and have not been able to take advantage. That's what pumped the twins yesterday was missed

opportunities. If my memory serves me, they had the bases loaded in the seventh and the eighth innings and didn't get Jack squad out of it. Brewers beat them four, three, and ten yesterday. That Brewer's team is good. I mean, there's really not, you look at that everyday lineup and you go, yeah, okay, you know. Yeah. Sure, Terang is really good. Churio is good. Watch his nuts, the tall kid.

Yelich used to be good. But I mean, honestly, I think their pitching is what gets them from point A to point B. Their pitching is really, really good. My damn, do they have a lot of left-handers. Yeah, the real pen is. solid. I mean, their everyday lineup is decent, but it's not Dodger-like, right?

No, not by name. Yet they've won. They're 30 games over 500. I mean, that's just insane. Hell, the winning run was close play at the plate, good ball game. The right fielder, Laura is the name? Yeah, the young kid. He made a game-saving

catch in the 10th. He made another terrific catch in the 6th. I'll take their pitching and defense in a post-season series. for sure. Definitely. Go to battle with that, yeah. The Lara kid was a guy that the tigers were interested in for Scoobel. Have that been something that Milwaukee could pull off?

But what's so funny is you look at the wild card standings this morning, and the Tigers are ahead of the twins. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, the Tigers without Scoobel are a game out of the wild card, and three games behind the White Sox. who very easily could stumble their way down the stretch. I mean, the division is completely wide open,

and this last wild card slot is so completely wide open. It's crazy. So here's the deal. The next move for the twins are going to open a three-game home series tonight with the Baltimore Orioles. The starting pitchers are Dean Kramer for the twins, pitching against his old club. Trevor Rogers for the Orioles.

Both clubs right in the midst to that wildcard gang bang you were talking about. All that said, I mean, they have 43 games left. I know we kind of keep saying there's a lot of time left, but in a way there's not. I mean, 43 games in the course of a baseball season,

that's about a quarter of the season. So when they have series like this at home against a team like Baltimore, they really absolutely have to at least two out of three. Minimum, because if you look at their schedule coming up, which I did a little bit ago. They've got some tough series coming up against some really good teams.

Atlanta, Yankees. So they've got to take advantage of these series at home against teams that they should beat. A couple people have texted in saying shout out to that Colpeper kid who made his Major League. Yeah. That was cool. Awesome. I forget the...

Cole Pepper in the year to left center field and deep. This wants some carry to the truck. To the wall. And it's gone. Caelin Culpepper. His first major league hit is a home run. What's the first name? Cailin. Cailin.

Yeah. My wife kept calling him Dante Colpepper all weekend alone. Yeah. No, he made his major league debut. He hit a dong. He did this and that. It's my first time watching. He's rock solid, man.

Me too. He's a strong, strapping guy. First time watching him for me, too. Yeah. He can get it done. He's just getting started. just getting started. I think that's the first of maybe a couple of those kind of moves as we head down the stretch.

What's the other kid, Jenkins? Yeah, the outfield. Walker Jenkins. Yeah, I think those two guys are the ones that have the best chance to be up here. Maybe we see Jenkins in a game or two, maybe even tonight. I've been hearing rumors. Yeah, it's possible. Okay.

Before we move away from the wrestling thing too far, of course, we played some audio of Randy announcing a match back in 1986 at the old metrodome an event called Russell Rock. He doesn't remember anything about it. Not a damn thing. I don't remember. That is so strange to me.

I just don't. Oh my God. Josh remembers this story, I think. Years ago, we did a lot of announcing at house shows. WWE, WCW, we would give away tickets on air and they'd always invite a couple of us schmucks to go

and either introduce the show, or maybe introduce a match. And this is one of my fondest memories. A dude who used to work in the building. Josh and I were very fond of this guy. But he, boy, he's been gone for a stretch of time now. Not dead. He just moved on to much bigger and better things.

So he was working for KQ at the time. So he and I are both waiting in the wings. We're both going to get an opportunity to announce a match. And he went first. and before he went out there, he said, hey, watch this. And he gets in the ring. It's a pretty decent crowd. You know, I don't know, 10, 11,000 people for, I think this was a WCW show.

And he gets on the mic and he says, they introduced him. Here he is, Donnie from KQ. And the crowd kind of, eh, sure, whatever. And Donnie says, all right, how many people out there like peanut butter? Dead silence, as you might imagine. Yeah. I wouldn't be expecting that question. And he says, maybe you didn't hear me.

How many people out there like to eat mother effing peanut butter? And the crowd went, yeah. That's the secret. Yeah. You throw that F bomb in there. You're going to get the cheap pop every time. You say it. I'm laughing so stinking hard.

I'm at a knee waiting backstage at how stupid that was right there. But it was so funny. Was that his intention? It was like, I'm just going to get this hyped up with the dumbest question possible? Exactly. He said, and he came back and he said, curse, it makes a big difference. Oh, that was so good.

All right. A few people have texted in this morning about the banana ball show over the weekend. They went and saw the banana balls. They sold target field out three nights in a row. I'm hearing that Joe Maurer, Brian Dozier, were a couple of the highlights. Trevor May as well. Of at least night. I only know night one is what I read.

Who, Trevor May? Trevor May came on pitched and then Jessamorneau came out yesterday on Sunday. Randy Schaver, who else was there? I think Tony Oliva was there too. Tony Oliva. Folks had a great time at the banana balls. Yeah, my wife went on Sunday and said she had never had more fun at an event. It was just so much full of joy.

Wasn't she on Friday? Yeah, she went on Friday night. Yeah, Friday night. Said everybody just singing along and laughing and having a great time. Look like a lot of fun. I had that secondhand fomo kind of thing or I wish I would have found a way to get in there. People were texting in saying, hey, it's not even really my thing, but they did everything right.

It was a blast. Brian Dozier got an at bat for the banana balls and he struck out on five pitches. That's good. That's all right. What does he care? We don't still have audio of him hammered at the Washington National's

World Series parade. Oh, God, that was so much fun. He got in trouble with his wife. My wife's going to kill me. My wife is going to kill me. My wife's going to kill me. It was like the first time Brian Dozier ever got drunk. My wife's going to kill me.

At the World Series parade for the Nationals, they get them all up on a stage and get a live mic going. He's got his shirt off, if I remember correctly. All he said into the microphone, my wife is going to kill me. Here's a text from a listener who went and saw the banana balls. He said he went Saturday. Got there about 30 minutes before start time. The stands were already 95% full. zero lines at the concessions or the bathrooms.

He says it was like a Saints game on steroids and acid. That's awesome. He said it was also evident that Target Field was not built for sold-out Twins games. I don't know what he means by that. Something about the parking. Oh. What does he mean? No lines at the concessi.

So no one was watching. Everybody was in the stands watching. Yeah, wasn't a drinking crowd. Nobody wanted to, no one wanted to miss a thing. It's like, exactly. You don't want, it's not like a regular baseball game where you can get up and walk around and it's okay if you miss something. Yeah, you don't want to miss it. You don't want to miss it because I think one of the features of that game is if there's a foul ball and the fan catches it, it's an out.

Yep. Oh, really? Yeah. You didn't know that. Yeah. Which I think is hilarious. Oh, it's amazing. That is funny.

Apparently, we set some kind of record in a banana ball game over the weekend for how. I think 11, I think 11 hours and a foul ball. Yeah. Good crowd. They're a frigging good crowd. Yeah, their whole motto is fans first, and I think that's awesome. That's funny. Josh checks in at 7 Jesus, said you would have really liked the Banana Ball show.

He said they had so, so many puns. And you are a pun slut. I do enjoy those. Yes, you are. over the weekend this past Saturday night, Blue Jays, Toronto Blue Jays, Jurassic starting pitcher Max Scherzer, passed Walder Johnson for sole possession of 10th place on Major League Baseball's all-time strikeout list.

Scher recorded his 3,516 strikeout. That was the one that put him over the top of old Walder Johnson, who pitched for the Washington Senators in the friggin' 20s. Walder Johnson pitch from 19-07 to 1927. So who are the other pitchers in the top 10 all-time strikeouts go? Well, Nolan Ryan. Number one. Number one. Roger Clemens has to be there.

Number three. Randy Johnson has to be there. Randy Johnson, number two. Burr-blatt. For sure. Tom Seaver, maybe. Six. Tom Seaver number six. Tom Seaver.

How about Steve Carlton? He's got to be there somewhere. Bob Gibson? No. No. Did you say Randy Johnson? Yes. I did, yeah.

You are missing 7, 8, and 9. I'll give you a hint for number 7. Oh, I know. There's one. Yes. Is Verlander on that list? Number 8. Is he really?

Okay. All right. I'm going to go with longevity a little bit here and just say maybe Geylord Perry. Nine is Gaylord Perry. You're only missing the seventh. How do I say this? The seventh all-time strikeout king in... Give me a team. He pitched for a lot of teams. I'll give you a hint. Beautiful curls in his hair. Oh, Don Sutton. Don Sutton. He had the most beautiful curly hair, Josh. I just always wanted to run my hands through it. Oh, is that right? He did. Don Sutton. Did you have curly hair back in the day? It was more big than it was curly.

Is that right? Yeah, it was more just high. It rode high in the sky. Nice work, gentlemen. So Max Scherzer now factors in at number 10 on that all time. That's an impressive list. It is. And I'll bet he did it in less years than most of those guys on that list.

Probably, yeah. Because I don't think he's a 20-year guy. If he isn't, he's knocking on the damn door. Yeah. But yeah, you're right. You're right. Yep. A player for the Sackmental Athletics.

Shortstop by the name of Jacob Wilson yesterday. He set a big league record for his position. He played his 111th consecutive errorless game. Wow. He made his last error. He made his last error July 6th of last baseball season. Wow. That's impressive.

You'll never guess the guy. Wilson. You'll never guess the guy the last shortstop who went that long without an errorless game. How about Ozzie? No. Really? Great guess, but it was 2000-ought-2. He played for Baltimore.

Oh, Ripkin? Not Ripkin, no, 2002. Cal Ripkin was already deceased. No, he wasn't deceased. He's fine. Cal Ripkin Jr. was fine. I'll give you a hint. The last four letters of his last name is a dirty word.

Mike Bordick. I don't even know who Mike Bordick is. You don't recall Mike Bordick? No. I remember him. He won 110 games at shortstop in the year 2002 without an error. But Jacob Wilson passed him. Well, that's pretty impressive.

God rest the soul of Mike Bordick. What's this say? Hey, big gut tow truck Jesus texted in, Josh. He says he's going to his very first twins game at Target Field on Wednesday. Oh, he'll have a great time. Thanks to his work. They got him work tickets for being such a great tow truck driver with that big fat gut hanging off of them. Be careful, dude.

I think Wednesday's a day game. Day game, yeah. Don't look around when you get there, big gut, tow truck, Jesus. They might have put you in the non-drinking section. A friend of mine got tickets from work and he was pumped. He sat down with his coworkers and one inning went by and two innings went by and the third inning went by and he said, who does a guy got a blow to get a beer around here? Well, he didn't realize that his work got him tickets in the family section.

There's no beer up there. We've talked about this before how we think there should be the opposite of the family section, just the degenerate section. Anything goes. International waters. I like that idea. Whatever you want to do. Here's the sad truth, Dana. There didn't need to be a special section for that 35, 40 years ago.

Sure. It just was. That's the name of the game. Nowadays, we all got to step lightly, behave ourselves. Bastards. They even have the peanut free zone. They do? They did have the Metrodome.

I know that for sure. I don't know if they still have it, but there was a section that was intended to, where you couldn't bring peanuts in case kids had allergies. I didn't know that. By the way, someone's texting. exit in to say, Sean Michaels doesn't remember you from that day either, Randy. Maybe he does.

Someone contacted Sean Michaels and asked him a fear, and he said, no, I don't remember that at all. He doesn't. I'm sure he doesn't. The Lynx beat Las Vegas on Saturday, and then they whipped Dallas yesterday. A gal by the name of Kayla McBride set a record. Number one, she dumped 43 points on the Los Angeles Club, which is a career high for her. and she dumped, what does this say, 10 of those three point buckets,

which is a record. That broke the WNBA record for most three-pointers in a game. 10 of them. She was 16 of 21 from the floor, so, you know, a little bit of an off day. Jesus, Paul, 16 out of 21. Olivia Miles, 20 points and 13 assists.

So, yeah, the day yesterday belonged to this Kayla McBride. set the record for WNBA three-pointers and scored 43 stinking points. Impressive. But bad news in basketball, Don Nelson has died. That's too bad. One of my all-time favorites. Yep. Nelly.

Second winningest coach in NBA history. When he retired, he was the winningest coach. He was. Popovich passed him. Yeah, that Popovich character. Don Nelson played basketball at the University. of Iowa. Oh.

And I saw this story last night. His junior, and the Iowa teams at that time were okay. They weren't anything special. But Don Nelson obviously was a very good player. He won five NBA titles as a player with a Celtics. But in his junior year at the University of Iowa, the four other starters on the team were, became ineligible because they flunked the class. Oh, Jesus.

And he was the, like mid-season, he became the only guy left out of the starting group in the Big Ten for the Big Ten Iowa Hawkeyes. Can you imagine if that would have happened today where the other four starters on your basketball team were ruled ineligible because they flunked a class? Right. That's crazy. Nowadays, they don't care about that. No. Yeah. Jesus.

31 years as an NBA head coach. I mean, 15 years as a player, and he won five titles as a player with the Boston Celtics. He never won a title as a coach, unfortunately. Coach some great teams. They talk about his Milwaukee Bucks teams in the mid-80s, great ball club, but they could never get past Boston. They could never get past Philadelphia.

Then he had that great Golden State team in the early 90s with Mitch Richmond and Chris Mullen and Tim Hardaway. They had some great runs. He was a coach of the year many times. I mean, respected up and down. And like I said, when he retired, he was a winning his coach in the history of the game. What was he? 86 years old.

They loved him in Dallas. He's like revered in Dallas. Well, his son was a general manager for the Mavericks for a long time. And his son was actually credited in the drafting acquisition, however I want to say, of our guy, Dirk Nowitzky. Yeah, right, right. He had a big role in Dirk Nowitzky coming to Dallas. I understand he played a big role in that douchebag, Steph Curry,

ending up in San Francisco. Mm-hmm. And one more little note on Don Nelson, which I thought was interesting. Immediately following his playing career, he joined the Milwaukee Bucks as an assistant coach. This is 1976. So he's still a very young guy.

Joins their staff. Fifteen games into the season, the head coach gets gassed. And they called Don Nelson to be the head coach. He's like, I've only been sitting here for a couple of months. I'm the head coach now. But, of course, it worked for him. I love you, Nellie. Yeah.

So what did you guys make of Adam Venetary's comedy show that he put on for the Oh, the Hall of Fame? Yeah, how do I say that? His speech? Yeah. What do you think of the comment? He kind of got after Belichick a little bit, didn't he?

A few people. Yeah. Former NFL kicker, Adam Venetary, went into the hall. And it looked and felt to me like he was auditioning for a reality show or a celebrity roast or something. He told some jokes and whatnot. Some of them were the type of jokes you don't normally hear at a Hall of Fame type of set up with old folks and kids everywhere's, but

some thought it was funny, others thought he made a jackass out of himself. Unfortunately, Bill couldn't make it here today. I thought it was because training camp had already started. But in truth, it's because he's judging his girlfriend's cheerleading competition. I was lucky enough

to play with the greatest quarterback in Patriot history. Unfortunately, he was unable to make it here today. Drew Bloodsoe. I had a few more Tom Brady jokes, but I was afraid that he had run up on the stage, and maybe give me a Will Smith like he did to Logan Paul last month. To the Colts fans, your excitement fueled us all.

I'll never forget the energy, the excitement, and the pride that swept through the city. And Peyton, thank you for generously donating your forehead for today's teleprompter. Hey, Pat McAfee's here in the crowd today. Great to see you, brother. The only person who enjoyed holding my balls more than my wife. I think Randy's a fan. That's funny. Sounds like you'd go see him if he headlined a club, right?

I think I think the next line was, I heard this already. The next line was something about she did it, held it in the off season or something. He tried to make it sound like she held the ball while he practiced in the off season, but it was so funny, that whole thing. His delivery wasn't perfect, but it sounds like he's a person.

Some of them didn't. He's a first. Yeah. Randy got a bigger pop, I think. I think Randy got a bigger pop when he was introducing Sean Michaels and Marty Jenner. No, I'm kidding. He sounds like he's new to the comedy scene, but maybe the folks at Acme are listening. They want to give Adam Venetary a shot.

Yeah, two shows a night Thursday through Sunday. Be sure to tip her waitress. Drew Breeze's speech was outstanding. Yeah. And Larry Fitzgerald's speech was fantastic. Those two guys did such a great job. I didn't watch, but there was a longtime NFL reporter who said that Drew Breeze's speech was one of the greatest in pro football Hall of Fame history. I mean, I watched the whole thing.

I mean, I was captivated. It was so good. He was so good. Larry Fitzgerald was called Classy. He was. He was great. Linebacker Luke Keakley said this and that. I didn't follow him at all.

Roger Craig. Yeah. Pre-taped his speech, and he revealed that he's been diagnosed with dementia. Yeah. On a sad note. Yeah. So he had to pre-tape his speech. Yeah.

And by the way, did you see the video that's been ever since Venetary and these other characters went into the hall in the week or so leading up to it? Did you guys see the video? Everyone's been showing the video of Adam Venetary chasing down Herschel Walker? No. Yeah. And I remember that game very vividly. Oh, you're talking about in a game. I don't remember that.

Maybe they chased him down and beat him at a bar or something like that? When I saw the headline, that's what I thought, too. I thought they were sharing off-the-field stories. I don't blame you for being confused to think of a kicker chasing down Herschel Walker. You think it would probably have to happen on the street. But no, in a real game, I think it was like mid-90s. Vinoteri was... Okay, I'm going to watch it.

It's been everywhere in the lead-up to Vinotary going into the hall. Oh, so it's a kickoff return. He kicks the ball off the Hersch's. Walker, Herschel takes off down the sideline. And yes, Vinatari did catch him. Oh, yeah, there he goes. Yeah. Oh, my God, he does.

Yeah. And tackles him great. He did. Made a nice tackle. Wow. I didn't remember that. I mean, Hershey was a little over the hill at that point in his career, but still, give him credit. Give him credit. Wait a minute.

He was still at Dallas. He wasn't over the hill. That was his second run with the Dallas Cowboys. Oh, it was the second run. Yeah. So, Herschel was slowing down a little bit, but I'm not trying to take it away from him. He caught the sun bitch. Yeah.

There you go. All-time moron Stefan Diggs signed with the Washington Commodores. He joined the team for practice last Friday. Someone put a microphone in the face of a veteran guard for the Commodores, a guy by the name of Sam Cosmy, and he had a cute comment after practice. He said about Stefan Diggs. He said he's a heck of a player, but I wouldn't let him date my sister.

Anything about him? like seeing some games of his, any impressions? I mean, he's a heck of a ball player. I wouldn't let him date my sister. Yeah, and he's serious too when he says that. Well, that's been the running joke for a long time now because they did one of those behind-the-scenes, Vikings things. Like Mattelis with Mattelis thing?

Exactly. They asked him, which teammate would you not want to date your sister? And it was unanimous. Everybody said Diggs. All of them said that. Yeah, they say that was a reference to something from 10 years ago. I don't recall that gimmick, but yeah. So this Cosme remembered the bit and it's just ribbon them a little bit, I guess.

Yeah, Vikings players named Stefan Diggs the teammate they'd least want to date their sister. That's cute, right? Yeah. Well, got to be known for something, right? All right. For you college football fans, a website by the name of easy sports.com. That's the first one for me. I don't think I've ever easy sports.com.

They put together their top 10 most hated fan bases in college football. Now, it says here, college football wouldn't be college football without obnoxious fan bases. Every program has great fans, but some groups have developed reputations that make the rest of the country absolutely despise them. Who do you think they named one of the 10? most hated fan bases in college football. Well, let's go with some of the more popular teams right now, Alabama. All right, Alabama is in here. What did they say about Alabama?

They said Alabama fens, that has nothing to do with the. Alabama fans spent the Nick Saban era dominating college football, and apparently nobody told them that that era has ended. six national championships under Sabin gave this fan base an ego that might never disappear. Yes, Alabama. I hate Michigan. Are they on there? Yes, they are. And you're not alone, Bradrider.

A lot of us hate Michigan. All they simply said here, more or less was annoying. Yeah. University of Michigan football fans, annoying. Well, my husband hates Notre Dame, are they on there? I'm surprised they were not. Keep in mind, this is just one website's version of the time. I think that's a fan's impression of Notre Dame is probably what people don't enjoy.

I don't know if going there and playing those fans are bad. Because that's what this is, right? More of us, yeah. Yeah, going there and playing in that stage. The experience of mixing with these people in person. This would be fair if Michigan's on the list, Ohio State probably is. Yes. Oh, maybe, maybe, no?

Yeah, they're on there. Where are they? Number two. Oh, Ohio State. Yes, they made the list. It says here, they think their college football royalty. Yeah. Their fans can make every loss feel like a national emergency.

Ohio State is elite, but they say that doesn't mean the entire sport revolves around Columbus, Ohio. How about University of Miami? Miami. Yeah. The hurricanes. Miami fans, they say, still carry themselves like the U is running college football. Right, right. They do have a great history, but their last national championship came in 2001. Yeah. What were we talking about? Yeah, Notre Dame. I was kind of surprised not to see them as well.

You know what? I'm not surprised by that, to be honest with you. I mean, it's probably a very tough place to play, but I don't know if the fans would be outrageously bad. Because they're Catholics? Well, probably, yeah. I guess if Alabama's on the list, Georgia's probably on there, too. Yes, the University of Georgia. And they say the barking. Georgia fans literally bark at people.

That's stupid. How about Florida? Yeah, the Gators have to be on there. Florida not in there. But again, back to, I'm going to finish my thought on Notre Dame. people do hate them. Maybe it's not right, but they are a hated college football program.

I don't know if they are as much now, though, Nick. I can remember back of the day they were so... Five bucks, I never get through this thought on Notre Dame. They were so hated back in the day because they had that national TV deal that nobody else had. Maybe they're not as hated as they used to be. Yeah. But I'll just tell you this.

many, many, many years ago, I just opted and bought a Notre Dame college football jersey. No good reason. I just thought I'd look good in it. And I did. They do have nice colors, yeah. Yeah, beautiful. I'm at a bar one night, and a total stranger walks up to me and goes,

nice jersey, Notre lame, Notre Dame. Oh. And I said, do I know you? That's so aggressive. I said it's a jersey, not a tattoo. Get out of my face, douchebag. Noter lame. Those jokes were kind of lame right there, too.

Yeah, like, come on. He rushed at me, rushed at me to dump those two little stupid jokes on me. Like, he wanted to scrap. And when I told the guy, you know, F off, douchebag, he just walked away. I'm like, what the hell happened? Here are the other schools mentioned in the top 10 most hated fan bases in college football. Tennessee. Lock you top.

It says all the confidence, none of the hardware. Nobody becomes more confident after a few wins than Tennessee fans. Win something first, they say, then talk trash, even though Josh has a rule against talking trash. Mississippi State. And they blame the cowbells. Oh, sure. And please don't make a reference to that frigging wildly overrated stupid Will Ferrell bit from all those years ago on stupid Saturday Night Live.

Anyway, you're going to want that cowbell. I got to have more cowbell. Apparently, if you go to a Mississippi state game, every swing and D in the crowd has a cowbell and they ring the sandwich. It says it's one of college football's most recognizable traditions, but easily one of the most irritating. They not only do that at football games, but. 30 a years ago when I was working at the U of M and we played a baseball series down there. Oh, man.

That's obnoxious. They do it at baseball games too. That sounds absolutely terrible. Enning one to inning nine. They don't stop. Stop that. Don't do that. I hate the cowbell in any setting.

Well, even like in an old Guns and Roses song. I don't need a cowbell. You don't like a cop. Tommy Lee used to beat the piss out of the cow. You ever heard the record too fast for love? Those were for children when we were in music class in elementary school. Bunk, bunk. I don't mind the cowbell.

Used tastefully. Tommy Lee did it well on the two. He was obsessed with the cowbell and the Too Fast for Love record, but I don't need to tell Randy Schaver or Brad Rider that. Who else am I missing? University of, what did I mean? I swear there's one more in here. Texas A&M. They blame the...

They blame the coordinated chance and endless list of Aggie traditions that make one. watching a game at their ballpark, impossible. They carry themselves like A&M is a national powerhouse despite they haven't won a modern championship. Are they one of those teams that has like a live animal out on the field? No. They seem like the types that would have a cow out there or something. Well, you know, the longhorns have the longhorn. Yeah, that's cool.

Colorado has the Buffalo. Ralphie. LSU had a tiger. I don't know if they still have a tiger. Georgia has the bulldog. Georgia has a Ugg, the Bulldog. This is a dog. Oh, my God.

This is a Sapper, baby. This is how we do it for the dolls. No, Georgia. Jesus. Wow. Josh? Wow. You've seen a lot of videos online over your years in this miserable business.

Has there ever been one more obnoxious than that effing guy? That one kind of sucked. Who jam the red ball of that guy's ass? My God. It's like 20 years ago, this little lady reporter. is at a Georgia University of Georgia football game. And she's like, the crowd is really having, what about you, young man?

How do you think about today's game? And the dude wetts his pants like Josh played for you. He's got half of his face painted red, the other half of his face. He's got a pair of glasses on. He just looks like the biggest nerd at the entire universe. But he screams himself sideways. And it goes on forever. And it goes nowhere.

Like no one else in the crowd joined him. The gal is totally stunned by this. Give us another dose of that. Dude, I got to find this video. Why are you white? We're getting the red and black going right now. White base coat. Why is just the first step?

White face coat. We get a redid and then we get a black going. And that's the dogs. The red and the black. Yeah. There's a point in the video it's kind of fun because you can tell he's like, I really got nothing else, but I'm going to keep going. It's the worst wrestling promo ever cut.

I'm excited because we're going to see. Come drinking the dogs. Come out here. They're going to rip spires. Why are you doing that? He realizes that towards the end of the video, like, why am I doing this? He does not look like that would come out of him. No.

He's kind of nerdy, right? He looks like someone drug him out the library. What is he doing? And then I'm going to rip spurriers. Obviously, they're playing Florida. And he finishes it up with gurg, because he can't think of what they're going to rip off of Steve's spree. The thing is, in a rabbit atmosphere like that, the reporter's probably like, I'm going to go find somebody that looks calm.

So she probably went and picked him. Yeah. He looked harmless and then he completely craps himself. I mean, he honestly probably needed to go to see a doctor after that was old. Yeah, I bet that hurt. His visor is going to come straight off, straight off during the gig on. That's what I'm saying. Thank you so much.

Awesome. It's the dogs. It's the dogs. Poor girl. Yes, we're aware of the nickname. for the... Thank you so much. I hate you.

How he just relaxes and says you're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. That's what I'm saying. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Awesome. Thank you for putting me on television.

He probably thought this is my chance to be on every promo at the ballpark here for years to come and he just blew it. Someone texted in about the vendor-built Whistler at baseball games. I thought I'd seen the Whistler at basketball games, but it rings a... bell you know years ago i got myself season tickets to golden gopher basketball unfortunately it was a down time for golden gopher basketball and i'll let you go ahead and guess which year is

because it could have been a lot of them a lot of different errors i could have been in well i'll tell you this it was right after tubby got fired and they hired that guy from providence or whatever he was just this little businessman looking guy what the hell was his name petino no no no no he was kind of a fill-in before patino tubby went there's little guy he was like little guy. I don't remember who that is. Yeah, he wasn't very memorable. But anyway, I got myself, and I really enjoyed it. I did, because I love Golden Gopher basketball. I hung on to him for, I don't know, six or seven years, and then I, but anyway, there was, I got to give credit, there was a member of the marching band during that time period who had this incredibly high-pitched

scream. And whenever the opposition was shooting free throws, this member of the band would dump this high-pitched scream, and there was not many people at the ballgame. It was very effective. Very effective. And I do miss that. That was fun. That part was fun. So it looks like Petino did come after Tubby Smith.

Were you thinking of Jim Molinari that came after Dan Munson? So that was after Munson. Sorry, after Munson. Jim Malinari. You're exactly right. And there was that band member. He was just, ah! That's my best.

Did I miss anyone else from this base? I don't think so. Hated college football fan bases. Oh, yeah. Cripes. There you go. I know I had a final thought and I've lost it. Is it about Notre Dame?

No. Although that was a battle, wasn't it? Yeah. Randy Schaber, Brad Ryder, go ahead and have yourself a wonderful Monday. Thanks for everything. And Randy, watch that video. Yeah.

I will. Josh send it to me. You'll try to find it, too. I'll send it to you, Brad. Russell Rock 86 from the old Metrodome. Randy Shaver was a guest ring announcer. Watch that and then get back to us tomorrow. See if any of that comes back

to you. All right. It is up on 93x.com. I don't know if you guys ever said that. Oh, the clip of just Randy doing his thing? Yeah. Oh, funny. Wonderful. Wonderful. Boy, you are just older than the hills at this point. Funny. God. All right, we'll see you later. See you. Coming up next.

Feel free to get on the text machine. The number is 6-5-1. 989.933. If you have a question, is how you say it, for Dr. P. Jesus. We'll ask the doctor next on the half-ass morning show. 93. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters?

We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bealkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Start your day with the morning jolt of Drake C. Toll. See, now it's on demand. My podcast is kind of a radio thing, I think, but also it's a bit of a TV show and it's about whatever I want it to be. It's listening live as it happened when it happened with the instant reaction. You're home for talking sports.

We go back, the Drake Toll Show, Westwood One Sports Network, and there will be on demand on your radio. Anywhere in the country, I'll see you there. Westwood One Sports Talk, your home for Drake C. Toll. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Dr. P. Jesus. The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Oh, sure. Dr. James Parnell is here. Welcome back to the 93X-HafS Morning Show. Go ahead and ask the doctor. Text us at 651-989-933-93 if you have a concern about your gorgeous body. Hello, Dr. P. Good morning. How you been lately?

I've been good. All I have to say is breast thighs, wings, and legs. You are an expert after that brost out cancer event. Oh, sure. I said it up many, many times. Many times. It was fun. We haven't seen you since we have the brost out.

cancer event at the Wise Edel region. Correct. You and Cubby were dishing out chicken carcass for hours and hours on end. How's your body after such a thing? It kept us busy. Good. Because you had problems before. You developed some chicken elbow. I did. I had yeah, I had terrible carpal tunnel

after last year, but I was double tonging last year, you know. A tongue in each hand. Each hand. And I realized that was just that I'm not equipped for that. So I did a two-handed tongue this time and that preserved my bodily functions. Yeah, I checked on you.

Yeah. I asked how are your risk on? See, Willie thought I was ridiculous because I was double tonging. Yeah, I was good at that is crazy. Or two-hand tonging. Josh is actually double-thonging right now. Yeah. I wear one frontwards and one back.

It sounds like you boys had fun. We actually really, we really did. Yes, it was good. It was a great crowd. And thank you for your help. It was a blast. And C-Willie, he had us going. Oh, my God.

He was going after you specifically. He was. He's, I mean, he sounds like the voice in my head a lot. He was critiquing everything that you do. Yes. You should know, you should know that you helped raise $11,000 that night. Oh, that's so great. We found out 11 grand was raised at the brostout case.

Fantastic. Hey, Dr. P, in case you and other professional doctors didn't already know how much we appreciate you, it's been decided through a poll of Americans, a survey of Americans. Now listen to this. Americans said that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, most people would want a doctor as a companion more than anyone else, including a cop or a lethal mixed martial arts fighter. Yeah, I would absolutely prefer a doctor.

They would rather have a doctor in their survival group or whatever you might call it in the event of a zombie apocalypse. I feel honored. 53% of people said doctor, followed by every. engineer. Yeah, I think that's really good. Followed by cop, followed by ship captain. Where are we going?

We're going fishing now? Why do we need to get on the water? Zombies can't swim. Or they just know how to navigate really long. I don't watch the zombie shows. I suppose that would, zombies can't swim? I don't think so. Okay.

They're probably good at doing that whole thing where they look up at the sky and they see where the sun is and they're like, oh, it's this time and this is, you know, maybe that helps too. Oh, a ship captain could tell. the time. Yeah. I mean, that could be useful.

You never know. Maybe the zombies only come out at like 11 at night. Got places to be. You got hunker down at 11. They're coming out. Where is the ship captain? Seinfeld comes on at 6. Also, more people chose to have a doctor as their companion in a zombie apocalypse

than a pilot. Yeah, I would think access to fuel and all that. Well, that's good. Yeah, you're useful. As a guy who worries about a lot of things, I actually, I will admit, I have spent time worrying about what I would do in a zombie apocalypse

and like feeling like I might be inadequate because I think I probably would, I'd like to have some of those engineering skills to be able to get the electrical system up and running the water system going again. Maybe you're able to create a weapon or two. Right, right. But I guess if I can just help out a little as a physician.

Bad news. Yeah, but if like a surgeon shows up, you're not going to be number one anymore. Oh, no, you're right. I would be immediately sacrificed. What's the bad news? Nick misread the list. That was a list of professions of who you'd want to eat first.

If you turned into a zombie. Yeah, not who you want as a companion. Well, what do they always say, Josh? You don't got to be the fastest, you just got to be faster than the other guy in a zombie apocalypse? That's all it takes. I genuinely thought about those kind of scenarios when I started going to school. I always thought, like, okay, if the world ends and they, like, select some people to, like, put on a spaceship to go to, like, the future new world. that they're going to build or whatever.

I thought, okay, what jobs would be useful? And so that's originally why I went to school for environmental science. It's because I thought, I bet I'll get picked. Wait, that seems like it would be useful. That's what motivated you? No, it was like one of the many, many reasons. But I was like, that would probably be picked. But now I'm screwed.

We got a first, what I believed to be a first time text you here, I love the name. Corporate Inmate, Jesus. A lot of folks in corporate, I feel that way. Whatever. A 44-year-old female can't bend her right knee fully without severe pain. About seven months. No known specific incident or injury. I can do everything else pain-free, ride a bike, walking stairs.

Only hurts when I fully bend it. Even without bearing weight. What could cause this? Gout. Did she say how old it was? A knee 44. Okay. You get gout in the knee?

You can. Oh, I thought that was a foot thing. No, you can. You can get gout really. Well, you can get gout in any joint. Yeah. It's most common in the feats. It is, yeah, the big toe joint.

Because I think it's a high stress joint, and the uric acid crystals tend to precipitate out where there's stress. And that's your acid crystals are what caused gout. It can happen in the knee, but when that happens, it's inflamed, it's red, it's swollen, and you wouldn't be walking on it. Yeah, you wouldn't be riding any bicycles. Nope. So, okay, so just end range of motion with flexion.

Probably, well, the main things that happen to the knee for most people, the most common is some sort of cartilage tear. So the squishy material between the two bones that is this padding. You can have really a significant tear from an injury while doing sports or anything like that, twisting the knee. But you can also have some subtle tears of the cartilage that might just be pinched when you do flex the knee in a certain position. ligament tears, so ligaments hold the bones together. The ACL is the classic one, anterior cruciate ligament. There's a big ligament on the inside of the knee, on the outside of the knee, the MCL, the LCL, those often get injured.

But again, usually you have pain and dysfunction and instability. So I would think that would be the most likely thing. She tore something. Probably. What do you do to, do you soak it? Do you go to the doctor? Prayer? I mean, unfortunately, cartilage doesn't heal.

So it's a one and done thing. You know, you don't necessarily have to do anything. If it's not really restricting your activity, then oftentimes you wouldn't. But I think it's probably worth getting in and just making sure there's not something else going on. I mean, at 44, you can tear things like that a lot easier than you'd like to believe. You sure can. I mean, it can be literally just, you know, getting up, getting up out of a chance. Getting up out of a chair.

But you want to make sure, if it's been going on for seven months, just make sure there's nothing else going on because people can get weird things like bone tumors. She's been gotten it out for seven months? Yeah, that's, wow, tough lady. I give up after like seven hours. All those unusual things would be very unusual, but you don't want to wait on that. So yeah, getting some x-rays. I mean, occasionally people will get a little, almost like a little chip of bone,

like a foreign body in the knee. Normally that shouldn't be happening But yeah Probably get that checked out I would think cartilage A mild cartilage tear is the most likely thing And that can be That can be operated on pretty simply

But if you don't really need it operated on You usually like to avoid it My wife was told she has hypothyroidism A listener says My wife was told she has hypothyroidism Waiting on a second blood test To confirm And he's prescribed her

birth control. So the question is, does birth control have the right hormones to help with that? And do gluten-free and dairy-free diets help? Birth control is crazy stuff. Gluten-free and what? Dairy-free and gluten-free diets. Okay. So hypothyroidism, the thyroid gland is up in your neck. I kind of think of it as like the thermostat for your body. it adjusts your metabolism. If it's running right on, everything's comfortable.

Things are working at the right speed, the right, you know, strength, the right temperature. If it's, for some reason, you have nodules in there that are really hyperactive, you can have hyperthyroidism, and that maybe makes people lose weight. They get kind of twitchy. They have their elevated heart rate, a lot of things like that. Hypothyroidism means your thyroid gland is underage. active. And so in terms of the thermostat analogy, things are kind of slowing down a little bit. Okay. You can, if it's really bad, you start to get like doughy skin and you put on weight.

Doey skin. And basically just like you're, you can get constipated. I mean, basically your whole body is slowing down. The most common reason for hypothyroidism is a thing called Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which sounds like a restaurant. It does, right. Yeah. It's good stuff. But it's, it's, It's basically an autoimmune condition where for whatever reason you develop some antibodies that attack your own thyroid and it sort of slowly dwindles. It's pretty easy to deal with hypothyroidism, but it's with thyroid hormone replacement. So they're repeating the thyroid stimulating hormone test, the Tsh test would be the primary thing you use. They're probably looking directly at T4, which is the sort of activated form of thyroid hormone in the body. maybe T3, the inactivated form, and then you can kind of make a diagnosis,

probably get someone on thyroid replacement. So that's the thing. Birth control pills do not, would not directly affect that at all. That's interesting. Yeah, so I'm not sure what that would be about. Yeah. Maybe the doctor just looked at this couple and doesn't want them to have children. Right, right.

That's putting her out to birth control immediately. Yeah, I feel like that's got to be. You know, you two aren't really parent material. That's a secondary issue, unless I'm just not thinking of something obvious, but, I mean, birth control only affects, you know, estrogen, progesterone, your ovulation. No, it's possible because it may be that she has possible hypothyroidism and she has irregular periods that could be very well going on or not even having them. So to me, that's probably where that came from. It's sort of trying to regulate the periods, but also more than likely be on thyroid. thyroid hormone replacement.

I got a cousin who hates birth control. Oh, he hates it. Yeah, I know a few people like that. Strawberry blonde, she's just, everybody, be mature, by the way. Strawberry blonde? Yes, be mature. When swallowing food, it feels like it gets stuck in my throat and takes a few months to clear. Months, minutes?

Did I say months? Moments. Yeah, moments. I'm going to diagnose myself and eating some glasses. He's trying to swallow this bologna sandwich from January. Moments to clear. What causes this, and when would it be a concern to go see a doctor? Did she say how long it's been going on?

No. No. Okay. The month's part. Occasionally. She said occasionally happens. Well, there's a number of things that can go on. If you get some narrowing in the esophagus, sometimes people with chronic reflux or gird,

heartburn will basically get these sort of scarred rings down in the esophagus that kind of have food hang up. If it feels like, but that's usually, you know, that's further down in the esophagus. If it feels like it's something in the back of the throat so higher up, people can have a thing called a Zanker's diverticulum, which is sort of a little pocket off of the esophagus that, and you could tuck a little piece of bologna in there for a little bit probably and then need to kind of clear it out right and it wouldn't happen every time necessarily because it's just sort of the it's whatever you're eating it has to happen to get in there um but i guess you know any any difficulty swallowing you don't really want to ignore you do want to get that looked at

that sounds ify yeah um again uh there there's all sorts of bad things that can be going on they probably aren't, but somebody should look, basically. Sure. Yeah. Get a flashlight down there. No, you'll need, I mean, depending exactly on how you describe the symptoms, it'll be a question of whether it's like the ear, nose throat doctor who would look, but probably the gastroenterologist, and they, again, you can talk to your primary care doctor.

They can at least get some things going, but normally you need an upper endoscopy to look and make sure there's not. That sounds uncomfortable. Yep. They are very uncomfortable. I've had a couple of them. I woke up during one of them. Oh.

Yeah, they said I tried to rip it out. Oh, I bet. Throathausen has some comments on this real quick. What did he say again? Throathausen says. That makes perfect sense. Yeah, that's the diagnosis of throat housing. Sorry.

We're wrapping with Dr. P. Jesus here. 651-989-933 if you have a question for the doctor. It's nice to hear from throat housing again. Yeah, Dr. P., have you met Throat housing? You know, I haven't in person. Can we just hear from him again? Yeah. Dana's neck.

Like so many noises so often and sometimes it's so pronounced, we had to give it a name. So that's Throathausen. This is the first time I've been here since he was named. Actually, I remember this because I think you, I don't know whether you had just named him or that's when you were, you happened to be talking to Randy Shaver the Friday of the Broost

about Throdehausen. Yeah. It's because then I was talking to Randy Shaver at the Brost about it. He's got his own... And we were laughing. Dana's neck-burthed Throathausen, and he's even got his own dance single. Maybe we can play that a little bit later.

Before we take a break, first off, we are talking to Dr. P. Jesus, and we welcome your questions. 651, 989, 93, that's how you text. The Pro Gramsky. One more quick question before we take a break. Every morning, a listener says, I wake up with my thumb, pointer finger,

and middle finger numb and it takes a while for them to come too like asleep like when your arm falls asleep so they say sometimes both arms or hands I should say

sometimes just one so every morning thumb pointer finger middle finger are asleep classic carpal tunnel symptoms is that right that is yeah I mean it's basically that sucks

so the median nerve goes down through the wrist bones and if it's getting compressed for some reason a lot of the times people who are sort of predisposed to it at night we tend to a lot of people will flex their wrists kind of you know almost like think of fetal position yeah and it compresses that nerve and you wake up and you've got the scent or you wake up at night even um is that something that will become painful in with time or is it just simply that lots of people live with intermittent carpal tunnel like if you use tools too much if you tongue chicken too much. Oh. If you, you know, basically do something.

What typing? Yeah. I mean, outside, especially if you do something outside of your normal activity and it really flares it up. But most people, you know, you can kind of get along with it. If there's a lot of things you can do, but talking to your primary care doctor is reasonable. But anybody who has any of those symptoms, if you just get a little inexpensive wrist brace that keeps your wrist straight at night, it's not to have to be on real tight, but the cheap thing. you can buy anywhere. That actually is probably one of the most helpful things. It just lets the nerve rest overnight.

Josh, can I borrow your wife's wrist restraints? If you want, we're not using them. But yeah, it's worth just trying some simple things. If you get to the point where that sort of numbness or pain or weakness is there all the time, that's when it's time to talk to a certain. All right. Fair enough. That's what I did.

Hi, everybody. Hi. Dr. P. Jesus, welcome to the half-assed morning show. 93X. I hear you. Dr. P is here. By God, he's all up in here. Let's bang out a couple more questions from our obstinate listening audience,

including this question about a resting heart rate, I think, is where this one was going. Every couple of days when I lay down to go to sleep, I get what feels like. a very temporary and brief increased heart rate that starts within a couple of minutes of me laying down and lasts 30 to 45 seconds. This doesn't happen when I nap in the afternoon or any other time of the day. It's worth noting that I use those e-cigarettes on a regular basis. What might be going on, Dr. P. Jesus, lays down to go to bed, heart rate kind of jumps up for a couple minutes and then goes back to normal. I guess it's, well, this is one where it would be very useful to ask questions, just because...

Could be a lot of things. Right. I mean, are they actually taking their pulse to see, is it just a sense in your chest of a faster heart rate than normal? How fast is it? Because if it's, you know, if your resting heart rate is 60 and it's only going up to 80 or 90, I mean, it's not even considered fast. Right. If it's 150 beats a minute, then that's something. more significant.

Yeah, that's scary. Right, but usually that's, you know, usually that's pretty dramatic, although, you know, something like atrial fibrillation, which is the most common kind of fast heart rate arrhythmia, so there's some people who just are not aware of it when they're in and out of it or in it. So some people are very sensitive to heart rate, some aren't. I guess I can't necessarily think of, I can't think of anything bad that would be going on that would, if you lay down and you have 30 seconds of a sense of your heart rate going a little quicker and then it's fine. Being a guy who's been in and out of a cardiologist's office once or twice, that doesn't sound like something any of my past cardiologist would be terribly concerned about.

No. Just, I don't know, Dick Tracy and I'm sure Dr. P will encourage you to go see your regular doctor and just ask a couple of questions. But it doesn't sound terribly concerning to me from my experience. No, if that makes you feel any better. I concur with you, Nick. No, no, really. Two learned doctors concurring back in the court. I mean, I've spent enough time here.

I feel like it's rubbed off on you guys completely. You have all the knowledge that I have ever brought up. And we have no medical debt. Or I should say no. That's true. It was free. You're welcome. Medical school.

None of that. Yeah, it doesn't sound bad. And again, I would encourage the person to, you know, basically try to take your pulse at your wrist. just and you know look you can do it for well you can do it for 15 seconds and then multiply it times four that's the simplest way to do it really quick right wouldn't call it simple but well okay pretty simple um it's like an app you can get on your phone yeah if there's any if there's any other symptoms that are going on with it um right and then yeah talk to your regular doc there actually is a really cool app on your phone uh i think you like download it through like

your little health app you have on if you have an iPhone and if you put your finger like over the camera button I guess it like can read your pulse like yeah like flash the flash like over and over and over and over again I have one right in my wallet it's been pretty accurate from when I've like checked my phone and then

went and got you know my pulse checked I'll show it to you after the show Josh your name is Dr. Pete this is from a company called Cardia huh and I'll show you you can this little Josh it almost looks like one of those little mini skateboards where you

years when we, you just put your fingers. Tech deck. What's that? Tech deck. Tech deck. I put my fingers on here and it'll read my pulse. It'll tell me if anything's funny going on with my heart. Yeah, there are products you can buy. I got one myself. I'll show it to you after the show, Dr. Pete. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's amazing what you can do now.

This person says they're 43, never had a physical or a yearly checkup, anything like that. But my wife is telling me I need to do it. I don't want to do it. Should I get it done? A physical? Physical? Yes. Whereas this guy's just afraid of physicals altogether? It doesn't say if he's afraid or just maybe doesn't want to go through the hassle. Pay the money.

Oh, you got it. By the time you're 43, you've got to get in there. My husband didn't have one for like 15 years. Usually it's free. Insurance typically covers physicals without a co-pay. So that is a very common thing for humans of the male persuasion to really not want to go. And I think, you know, people, some people love to be around people. other people are more nervous around people

and I think it's just trying to get past that. I mean honestly one of the reasons I do this segment with you guys is to encourage someone just like this to maybe realize that doctors can be people you can talk to and they're normal and we really just want to

we want to meet you. We want to help and prevent bad things. We want you to live as long and healthy a life as you can with your wife or with your next wife. or whatever. But, and with your children. So it's, the goal of physical is not to hopefully find something wrong.

And I think some people worry about that. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to know. But, I mean, that is a little bit of it. But mostly it's about hopefully developing a relationship with a primary care provider. It's about doing some basic screening stuff. Do you have diabetes? Is your cholesterol through the roof? Is your blood pressure high and you haven't known it?

Talking about family history a bit. You know, basically just kind of getting an overall sense of what's going on with you. Get it done. Rule out a few things, but then that's it. It's not a bad thing. It's not scary. You'll be in and out of there before you know it. So here's a, he got back with a clarification.

It sounds like you covered it. Sure. Doesn't want the medical bills. So I guess I don't know his insurance situation. Almost, I would say, well, you. Well, yeah, I mean, I think that's actually fairly mandated at this point is that preventative care if you have insurance doesn't have a copay. So it's meant to be as inexpensive as possible. And at his age, it's not like there would be a ton of lab work done.

It could be some basic stuff. And you don't even, you know, you can have a conversation. You don't necessarily have to have lab work that first time. But there's probably a few things to check. I would say the blood pressure measurement is important. But again, it's just, it's trying to get over that hurdle of having never gone to, okay, I've now gone once and it wasn't terrible. You feel pretty cool, too, if you're, like, sexually active, they ask you that.

And you brag. You could say, like, oh, yeah. Show them pictures in your phone. I'm very sexually active. Take it from a guy who didn't go to the dentist for 25 years. I mean, it ain't that bad. Dude, that's why I won't go to the dentist. It's been since I was like 19

And I just I don't want them to tell me that like hey I have to pull every single one of your teeth You'll be fine I would suggest go to the dentist as well Real quick I know we got to get going but I found this question to be so interesting I want to know is this ridiculous or is this a real thing A listener wants to know is there a test that my kid can take to tell how tall he's gonna be Oh I know that I think if you like add your

Like the mom and dad's height and you divide it by something. It gives you a pretty accurate estimate. Here's a guy who maybe is hoping his kid can play for the timber wall someday. Is there a tat? What do you do? I can't remember exactly what it was. But yeah, if you have like mom and dad's height together and I think you divide it by two, I think that's what it is. And that's like going to be pretty close. But wouldn't that be almost everyone would have the same answer? Mom's around six foot tall. That's around six foot tall.

That's just what they told me. Add it up, that's 12. Half of that is six foot tall. That's just what they told me. That's the most basic thing. And then there is, I mean, there's no blood test. That'd be crazy. You can sometimes, well, yeah, there's really not. But I think based on your height at a certain age, you can kind of guess it a little better. But I don't remember the formula.

Okay. Interesting. There's no test. Okay. It's an interesting one. Can I mention one thing more quickly? Of course, yeah. Okay.

I did this the other day. And I think we should all be, we have to be skeptical of AI. Okay. AI, he says. Yes. I looked up on one of the AIs. I said, Dr. P.G.'s is 93X. Let's just see what it would say.

Uh-oh. He's a recurring comedic medical expert featured on 93X-Hafx Morning Show. He takes listener calls to answer absurd, hilarious health questions. I mean, it actually makes it sound really great. But then I sort of said, who is Dr. P. Jesus? Dr. P. Jesus is a fictional comedic character. Played by a member of, member of or frequent collaborator of the 93X

Half Fast Morning Show. His real off our identity is kept tightly under wraps. Oh, come on. To maintain the mystery of the bit. Some people, I know, I was like, wow, that's awesome. Stop it right now. AI is like a lot of people out there. They totally overthinking this program. It makes it sound so like, oh, totally.

They overthink the process. Yeah, sounds a lot cooler. Harda just did that calculation to figure out my son's going to be? Yeah. According to that calculation, he's going to be 11 feet in one quarter inch. Look out Wemba Yombo.

Once he's done, once he's done growing, I'll let you know if that's the case or not. Have him drink plenty of milk. His bones are going to need it. Thanks for your help, Dr. Pete. All right. Good to be here. Good to see you.

Shout out to the River Falls Fighting Fish going statebound this weekend in the WBA. Go get them boys. Party Pete. Haven't heard from him in a while. He texts in a happy 35th anniversary to a smoking hot wife, Jeannie and happy 34th birthday to hours older than MOA Jesus.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up.

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