93X Half-Assed Morning Show - I Am So, So Cereal

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

Originally Aired January 21, 2026: Cereal behind the wheel. The uncatchable serial killer elephant. Everything you wanna know about being a Ram-ly man.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-ass morning show. 90. What's up, fools? Morning to everybody. Oh, cripes.

It's 541. Welcome to the 93X half-ass morning show. Welcome to the... Damn, Josh. How are you doing, son? Good. How about yourself? I'm doing all right.

I got something here for you right away. I got something here for you that I hope you really like. Although maybe you've heard of this already, but maybe not. I just learned about it. But I don't have any details. All-time great television star William Shatner. You're a big fan, aren't you? I love William Shatner, for sure.

Did you watch that era of Star Trek from back to front? When I was young, I thought it was very, very boring. I didn't understand why people liked it. But as I got older, I really have enjoyed it. I've enjoyed many of the Star Trek series. I'm definitely not a Trekkie where I couldn't tell you, you know, what races fight other races or technologies and stuff like that. But you've been dialed in to just about every different genre of Star Trek. Yeah, absolutely.

I used to think that it was boring. So maybe now that I'm older, I'll like it. I should check it out. If my word means anything to you, Smashley, I have tried it as a grown person and I still found it. really bored. Oh, darned. That's what got me into it. Never saw the movies.

Like Star Trek 4. Some of those, and then I kind of, that's the first movie I watched as a Star Trek movie and really enjoyed that and kind of went back and watched all the other ones. I think I've seen a little bit of the very first Star Trek movie that they made in 1979. I think I saw a little bit. It just never grabbed me. You know, I'm not a sci-fi guy. Although I have all the respect in the world for.

Leonard Nimoy. What an awesome guy and an awesome actor he was. Leonard Nimoy. Legendary. Without a doubt. Spock, one of the best characters on TV. William Shatner, I don't know a ton about the guy. But, you know, as far as I know, he's just a regular character.

I love him in that Twilight Zone episode where there's a man on the wing of the plane. Oh, yeah. But anyway, here's where I'm going with this. What is William Shatner? 94, 5 years old now? 94. Is he 94? Jeez.

That F's me up. Here's the story, but I don't have any details. And I love that they use the word busted here in the headline. William Shatner was busted eating a bowl of cereal behind the wheel of his motor vehicle. Yeah, you know, it's a little deceiving because he's at a stoplight. So perhaps he was eating while driving too, but there's so much joy on his face with whoever took that picture. It's pretty funny.

Number one, I don't know. I'm not trying to ruin anybody's day, but maybe at 94. If I make it to 94, just take the keys away for me. What the hell is he still doing, driving? Yeah. I mean, he seems very able-bodied and with it, so he might be somebody who's still able to drive, but eating a bowl of cereal behind the wheel, that takes some skill.

Well, like I said, he was at a stoplight, so maybe he's only eating it at that point. So what the hell is this Hollywood? Right? Or was this in? It was Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Right. Wherever is Studio City around Hollywood, I'm not exactly sure. I think that's where it was. Yeah, just what I was wondering. Is he still living out there?

Or is he retired to? Okay, so this is L.A. Hollywood. Someone's driving around town. They recognize William Shatner behind the wheel and take a picture of the poor bastard. And he's windmilling cereal into his yapper? Yeah, and it's funny because people were speculating online what kind of cereal it was. and overwhelmingly people assume raisin brand, which is a great cereal. Yeah, it is. Oh, God.

Raisin brand? Nah. I give myself awful gas when I eat race. Anyway, where the hell is he going? And why can't he wait to eat his cereal when he reaches his destination? Did he make a bowl of cereal and get into the car with it, obviously? Yeah. Did he go through a drive-through that hands out bowls of cereal?

We don't know these things. We don't know the answers to these questions. That's funny. So someone just is still photograph, they put it up on the godless internet, and everybody's losing their mind. Yeah. That's funny. That's good stuff.

Serial of all. Talk about it. There aren't many more complicated meals to eat behind the wheel than a bowl of cereal. No. I ate a foot-long subway sandwich once that I had run through the garden, and I don't think I spilled one thing. Oh, that's impressive. Yeah, Subway's hard.

Yeah. That's like that. I mean, they dump a just a lot of. lot of lettuce on there. So the fact that you didn't drop a single strand of lettuce is impressed. Nothing. Yeah, I have eaten a bowl of cereal behind the wheel before. Have you really?

When I was a young guy, I was a complete moron. That and soup. Balancing, yeah. What did you just say? I drove a stick, by the way, I should mention. Oh, my God. Soup and cereal. You're balancing a body of water while trying to drive a car.

That's impressive as all hell. You hit one pothole. You got frosted flakes all over your face. That is for true. for sure. Once that milk sits there for a while, that's going to reek. Whenever I ate soup behind the wheel, though, I would just put it in like a drinkable, like a cup.

Well, that doesn't count. So that I wasn't using a spoon. I have you, because I have used silverware while driving, and it's incredibly difficult. Soup that you can drink. Yeah. That's not soup, in my opinion. That's like coffee. Sometimes you've got to like shake it a little bit if you get like potato soup, you know,

to get the potatoes looser. This is something you've done multiple times. you've enjoyed soup while driving? Uh-huh. I like soup. I ate crab legs behind the wheel. Whoa. I'm kidding. I'm not a seafood guy at all.

I can't picture you're eating crab legs at a table, not along behind the wheel. Nope, not at all. And you need melted butter with it, so that would be even more difficult. I've never been a big car eater outside of a bag of chips or a cookie or something like that.

Some people have experienced pretty elaborate meals behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. That's never been me. This person had Chinese food complete with chopsticks behind the wheel. I can't use chopsticks sitting at a table. I've never been able to use chopsticks. Oh, hell no.

I can use them, but I just get like the smallest, tiniest little bites. Like, just give me a fork so I can just shove it all in my mouth. I love them. Somebody went through so much trouble to invent the fork. It's disrespectful not to use it. I don't get the chopsticks thing. I've tried to make a couple. It makes me feel fancy. I don't even eat food

like that with a fork either. It's a friggin spoon. I want it all right now. F. Forks. I've never been able to eat noodles with a spoon. I can eat anything with a spoon. That's impressive. I'm good like that. You behind the wheel eaters, yeah. You've got a skill set. You do. It's just fun to hear about William Shatner, too. The guy's still whooping ass at 94 years old, eating his raisin brand behind the... He's looking good. I mean, shoot, nice. It's impressive.

It started a conversation on air about eating behind the wheel. People talked about cereal. William Shatner is not the only cereal eater. But real quick, back to Chinese food. I guess that's maybe if there was one eating behind the wheel story that I could tell is I had a big leftover bucket of fried rice. I love fried rice, put some shrimp, pork chicken in there. When I order Chinese food, I don't get.

fancy schmancy. I just say, give me the biggest barrel of fried rice that they sell. That's my operation. So once behind the wheel many years ago, I was headed out to a slow-pitched softball tournament, knew I was going to drink about 15 beers, hadn't had anything to eat all day, and I just wailed down a big bucket of fried rice while driving. Didn't take a hell of a lot of skill, but that's my one eating behind the wheel story I can share with you. Somebody texts here saying he thought that maybe I'd be a sport kind of guy. I do love the spork. Oh, they're versatile.

Spork. I remember where it was the first time I ever saw spork, and I thought that's one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I haven't used one of those since school. That's where it was at school. I had forgotten. Sporks and not spoons. Forgotten all about the spork.

Here's a lady who claims, I don't know if I'm buying all these stories, but here's a lady who claims she saw another woman eating an entire rotissory chicken with her bare hands. I don't know. Bare hands, gross. I was at a movie once. It was like a matinee, not too many people in the theater.

It was at that St. Louis Park West End Theater where they got the fancy restaurant in it. I smell something really good. Like somebody must have ordered a good meal. And it's a guy in front of me to the left. I kind of peek over and look. He had just snuck a rotissory chicken into the movie theater. Good for him. Got it from the grocery store and was just stabbing away at it.

Those are so cheap, like at Sam's Club. Oh, yeah. It's crazy cheap. Yeah. That's ridiculous. Such a good deal. And they're so delicious. So the lady who witnessed the other eating a rotisserie chicken with her bare hands.

This woman claims she was steering with her elbows and had grease up to her wrists. This is very clever the way she put this. She said, the lady looked like a medieval warlord heading into battle. Getting your protein in before you go fight. Again, are you buying this, Josh, a man with a full plate of pancake, syrup and all, resting the plate on his steering wheel? Did that really happen? Possible. That's possible, I guess.

Cutting them with a plastic knife and fork every time he turned the wheel, the plate tilted. I don't know. I think people might be making things up, but it's fun anyway. Corn on the cob. That'd be pretty easy. Yeah, I could do that. Behind the wheel. Easy is what you'd call that.

Yeah, I could one hand corn on the cob, no problem. Definitely. They do that at the state fair every year. You eat every year you eat a piece of corn. Yeah, and you just one-hand that. While driving. No, now while driving. But it's easy to one-hand corn.

Oh, I've, I'm a two-hander. I told you guys before that on the freeway, I saw a guy playing an acoustic guitar. Oh, yeah. Wow. With his left leg out the driver's side window. I mean, he was very nimble as he was able to play like a James Taylor tune or something. Oh, man, that sounds awful. Imagine being the car with that guy.

That does sound terrible. Yeah, whenever somebody brings out, and I love guitar, but when somebody brings one out at a party or something, it's so embarrassing. Yeah. So again, strumming the guitar behind the wheel, one leg out the window is what you witnessed. From your car, could you hear him saying,

clowns never laughed before, beanstalks never grew? No, I couldn't hear anything. And if you can tell me who sang those lyrics, the number is 651, 989, 93. Okay. These people are very clever in their descriptions of witnessing others eating behind the wheel. So the corn on the cob story, the witness said the individual eating corn on the cob behind the wheel looked like a maniac playing a harmonica made of vegetables. It's very unique. the way they described that.

This text here says, pancake dude should have folded them into a sandwich. I mean, come on! And that's from pancakes by the Lake Jesus, who probably has some experience. He knows what he's talking about. Fold them in half. You know, okay, this doesn't sound so bad.

Eating out of a Tupperware container, that's more or less what I did with that Chinese food. That seems easier than a bowl of cereal, for sure, or a bowl of soup. microwave burritos, breakfast burritos, I should say, behind the wheel. It's perfect for driving, you know. A lot of people texting in Chipotle burritos. That's impressive.

That is impressive. They can fill those suckers up pretty good. By the way, I want to give credit to Lottie has got the correct answer on clowns never laughed before. Beanstalks never grew. Yeah, I want to give credit to 80s made me, 90s raised me, sheezes, I believe was the first one to answer correctly. Greg Brady, otherwise known as Johnny Bravo, sang those lyrics on an episode of the Brady Bunch. A good 50 years ago now.

Oh. That's a show I watched every day after school. Word. It's kind of tainted for me a little bit now, now that I know all the brothers and sisters wanted to bang each other. The actors. They were just actors and actresses. Yeah, I know, but to me, they were a family.

It bothers you? I still think of them that way as siblings. Peter and Jan were the most aggressive. with each other from what I understand, away from the cameras. That troubles you? Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Does it bother you that Greg once went on a date with his television mother, with hopes of pinning her?

Yeah, I actually just saw him talking about that not too long ago, kind of bringing up some of the sexual tension on the sound stage. Barry Williams and Florence Henderson, the late Florence. You want to keep with this conversation about driving? Yep, yep, driving. Yeah, yeah, sure. Because somebody went ahead with the signs that someone is a bad driver. Who's the worst driver you know?

It's okay if it's you. Who's the worst driver you know? And what is it that they do behind the wheel that drives you out of your friggin' mind? I would probably, I don't drive with many people, so I don't have many to pick from, but probably my mom, just because she... And I'm sorry, Mom, but it sketches me out. She'll break, like, so, like, very aggressively and not as aggressive as she needs to because the person's far away. Like, they can be, like, half a mile away, and they're breaking, and she's like, ah.

Sometimes she overreacts. Yeah. Oh, so not aggressive, like, road raging. No. Oh, gosh, no. She doesn't have that. I, uh, somebody texts, the last time we were talking about bad drivers, I thought this was a funny quote. Hopefully I'm not slaughtering it.

But they said, good drivers. sometimes miss their exits. Bad drivers never miss their exits. And I've been in cars like that where it's like, oh, I got a skirt across four or five lanes of traffic. It doesn't matter that I could just go up to the next one. I'm going to cut everybody off and risk

everyone's life. That's a beautiful little slogan there. It's perfect. I like it when you talk about your wife's inability to grasp peripheral vision. Yeah, well, she's kind of like that too where she doesn't plan ahead. blinders right blinders

I'm a I'm a plan ahead guy right where I just figure okay I know I got to get off here I'm going to get over into the right lane that kind of thing and she's just like you know and it kind of fits our personalities where she's a bit of a procrastinator I'm the opposite

I need to get it done immediately so she'll just at the last second decide oh yeah that's my exit so she's perfect for that maybe that's why I cracked up at that line so much the angle that I've enjoyed before when you've talked about your wife's driving is when she goes through an intersection, there's absolutely no checking to the left or the right. Oh, my gosh.

It's just dead ahead. Dead ahead. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That makes me so nervous. I've loved when you've talked about that. Don't ride with her, Josh. I don't.

And she doesn't let me drive, excuse me, let me be a passenger in a vehicle because I do say stuff like, yeah, you know, there's a stop sign up there. Make sure you're paying attention to that. You know, I got a couple of pals. If I was to answer the question, you know, who's the person that I feel is the worst driver? And what do they do that drives me nuts? I have a couple of pals who are just way too aggressive

where inevitably we end up in a situation where my pal has to absolutely stand on the brakes with all of his weight in order to keep from real. They're ending the car in front of them. There's no anticipation in their approach to driving. So any sudden stop in front of them is completely unexpected. Whereas a lot of us survey the situation and you might expect. You can predict it. Yeah, it's pretty easy.

It's just like second nature. Right. There's no anticipation when a couple of my buddies drive to where they end up full force of their weight both feet on the brakes because they don't see it coming. But if I was to pick out one, and I haven't seen this guy in years, his problem was always whenever there was someone in the back seat of his car while he's driving, he wants to hold a conversation with them, but not by looking into their rearview mirror, you know, or just you don't even have to look in their rearview mirror.

They're in the back seat of your car. They're right behind you. You can still hold the conversation with people in the back seat and focus on driving. But no, he would do this bit where he would wrap his free arm around the passenger seat and turn back to have a conversation. Don't do that. So how your parents are doing? And he turns around to face very polite, Josh, don't get me wrong, that he wants to hold eye contact while having a conversation. That's a good conversationalist.

That person is in the back seat of your car and you're driving. So it's this constant need to turn around when communicating with people. I don't get it. And it led to many near disasters. All right, everybody'd be cool. My mom's listening. She texted and said that she and my dad once on 94 saw a woman breastfeeding. Have you done that yet, Ashley, breastfed behind the wheel?

No. You've not done that? No, no, no, no. No, no. He can stay in his car seat. Throttle, Scotty says he eats humble pie behind the wheel every day while driving his 06 Savannah a cargo van. Oh, man.

You're embarrassed by that? I think that sounds pretty cool. Humble pie. All right, bad drivers. See, right here, this is maybe what I was saying about a couple of my pals who have to stand on the brakes every trip they make. Signs that someone is a bad driver. Overconfidence mixed with zero awareness. That kind of sums up how I was describing my...

Yeah, that's a horrible and dangerous combo. Oh, here's your slogan right here, Josh. I didn't even see this, but you just said it. A good driver sometimes misses their turn. A bad driver never misses their turn. Yeah, I love that. And I've known that saying for maybe three weeks now. I've never heard it before.

Well, that's cute. Whoever texts that in, thank you for that. That was awesome. Difficulty with acceleration is noted here in this. Fun-sized she's text in just that exact same thing. somebody who's all of a sudden slow, then fast, then slow. That's someone who's not paying attention. And we're not even talking yet about people who are texting and driving and things like that,

which is so prevalent still to this day. I think, you know, texting and driving and drinking and driving drugs didn't even enter the conversation here, I think because it's just the obvious. But yes, I'm glad you mentioned those because it's always a good thing to point those. frigging people out with the texting. And I'm going to drive drunk. You know, I'm so burned out on these jagoffs who can't get a cab and can't grow up and get a friggin' ride home.

The idiots with the texting. So it doesn't enter this conversation, but it does need to be set out loud. The folks who don't like to use their turn signals, the tailgating jack wagons. Yeah, I've never understood tailgating. No. Whatsoever. Especially people are usually tailgating the worst drivers. on the road, the people that are horrified to be behind the wheel,

that seems like that's a really bad idea. Well, some, you know, I know a couple guys who like the tailgate because they want to intimidate. So weird. That's the thing. If you intimidate some 78-year-old behind the wheel who might be scared already to drive on the free, and I'm not ripping on all 78-year-olds, just saying,

you know, that's the person that might slam on their brakes or hit the, because they're terrified. Right. No, they want to play a bully game out on the road. This is, I don't know where they're going. with this, but in this conversation on the signs of a bad driver, says here they're driving a Nissan. What is that supposed to mean? Does that mean something?

Are they just ripping on Nissan? Yeah, I guess. Well, somebody else said, you know, I might be starting a fight here, but the better drivers clearly are Chevy drivers. No. Now, they pick on Nissan drivers for some reason, but they also pick on folks who drive Tesla's or ram trucks. What do they have to say about, you know, I'm a ram man?

What do they say about us, Ram men and women? They go no further with that. They just pick on ram truck drivers, Tesla drivers, and Nissan drivers. That's kind of rude. No explanation. Yeah, it's kind of weird. What happened with RAM? Give us an explanation.

They're great trucks. That's the kind of truck my husband has. It's a great truck. Oh, that hurts, Josh. What does? That her husband has the same type of truck as you do. Well, I got mine first. He copied me.

Okay. So it's really flattering. Yeah, that makes more sense then. He just wants to be like you when he grows up. He's got a lot of growing up to do, and he's got too much air. He's too handsome. Yeah. There are some folks out there who struggle a little bit.

I agree with this. People are texting in on the idea of texting and driving. Some folks saying, you know, it's not really texting anymore. It's TikTok. You know, people watching little videos or trying to compete or do those challenges, driving challenges and whatnot. Yeah, that's much worse than texting. But I see this, too, just like this text says.

It's a lot of older people, which surprised me. Older people watching videos? No, like with their, I don't know what they're doing. It appears they're texting, you know, holding their phones. Oh, I haven't spotted that yet. My parents could never figure that out. By older people, I mean like not teenagers, which you might expect, you know, people in their 30s and up. I see that quite a bit.

I saw a woman the other day. I was probably at late 50s, early 60s. He's texting. Everybody's obsessed with their freaking stupid phone. What did you say a minute ago about driving challenges? Like, I don't know if TikTok

probably still doesn't do it or which one it was where you can, like, stream how fast you're going, try and hit certain milestones or something. Somebody would post a video of them going 120 or something like that. So then other people get behind the wheel,

turn on their phones and record themselves while driving. Look how fast I'm going. Yeah. Oh, for the love of Christ. It's so stupid Yeah They went after you ram truck drivers

I want to hear some You know I don't hear people Rip ram too much You know Rip ram I'd love to know I'd love to know what some of those insults would be

This Okay cheesehead for life Jesus said People used to make fun of ram drivers Because they put their toe mirrors up without towing Okay I don't even know what that means Yeah I've always

wanted tow mirrors and I've I've towed like one thing my entire life okay I see where they're going with that I also want to get a 2,500 and I have no use for it whatsoever none whatsoever years ago I pulled into my favorite bar and there was a Ford super duty cubby did you look into buying one of those before you bought your Dodge Ram? There's a guy that works here that's got a really cool one Beautiful pickup. But it was made to be a low rider, right? And I don't know. I don't care.

Not my business, right? So I walk in to the joint. I don't know who in the bar owns that Super Duty lowrider. But this big barrel-ass sum bitch that I drink with every once in a while, he's got no shame. He walks into the bar. Now, it's, it is a bar full of regulars. Not always. He don't know.

This barrel-ass dude punches open the front door of the bar and just storms in and goes, who the hell turned to Super Duty into a lowrider out there? I've heard those are coming back. There's a Ford guy, a salesman, that told me that Ford's going to make like a stock lowrider. Dude. The pickup trucks. I like the high riders. I like, yeah, sure.

We both prefer the big lifted pickups, but I'd like to ride around in a low-rider. I've never driven a road in a low rider of any sort. So can I do the weep, weep, weep, weep, weep, up and down? Hydraulics? Yeah. Boy, I haven't seen that since like the early 90s. Like pimp my ride type of thing. I want some hydraulics.

You ever see those hydraulics low rider competitions where the poor bass where the poor some bitch just tips it right over? Those are sick. Or no, you haven't seen that. I haven't seen it tipping over. Oh, they get the front end bouncing like it's a damn racket ball and then a. eventually they just tip it over. I mean, on accident, they don't mean that everyone has a good time. I'd like to host one of those.

I wouldn't have any idea of what I'm talking about, but I'd like to host a lowrider event. Steelers fan Jesus said people who rip on Rams, they're just mad they're not part of the ramally. Yes, I'm a ramly man. Oh, no. That's excellent. I haven't heard that before.

The ramally. All right. We ought to get going for real skis. Unless you want one more. I mean, there is more equally huge Hollywood news here. We started with William Shatner was busted behind the wheel while eating cereal. Okay? Eating cereal and driving.

You want to know the other big Matthew McConaughey has trademarked his catchphrase, All right, all right, all right. Good for him. I don't really care. I love him. Did he even come up with that? All right, all right, all right. I do like when he says it.

You know, he almost got his ass kicked by Woody Harrelson when they were making true detective. I read that. Did you? Yeah, just the other day, Woody Harrelson was saying, you know, I love the guy, but he was method acting the whole time and I wanted to punch him in the face. I would, too, if I was in that situation. How frustrating would that be? No, you're a regular guy.

The cameras aren't on. Yeah. I'm asking you if you want to go to dinner really. with me tonight when we're done filming. I'm not asking your character. That would be so frustrating. I still don't fully understand what's behind this trademarking movement of the last 10 or so years. Just to, you know, make money or so nobody else can make money on it, I guess. So like you and I can't go out and

make a t-shirt that says, all right, all right, all right, and get rich. Yeah, not without his permission or giving him all the money, I think. Matthew McConaughey trademarked his catch praise. We've got to take a break. We'll be back with the stupid news here in a few minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early birds, Special, $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead.

Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to

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Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Oh, sure. Absolutely. You know, a few minutes ago, we were talking about driving. Bad driving. Some smart mouth, right, Josh? Some smart ass.

in this conversation about bad driving, not amongst the four of us, but on the godless, soulless, and wildly misinformed internet. Someone pinpointed Dodge Ram drivers as particularly bad drivers. Ruffled the cubby's feathers a little bit. Well, I wasn't ruffled, disconfused. I haven't heard. I was kind of excited to hear what people say. You know, we've heard so many about Ford and Chevy over the years.

pretty funny sayings either way and I haven't really heard anything on ramp. They didn't give any extra information, I think, to torture ram drivers like yourself. Says here, ram drivers are known for being wildly unintelligent. That's what the few people texted in and said. One reason why we don't like ram drivers is because they have told me. mirrors, but they don't tow anything. Well, now a listener texted in to combat that.

He said, tow mirrors are always on a ram truck because ram drivers are always pulling ass. Someone else texted in to say ram drivers paint their nails. I can't picture Josh with painting nails. No, I'm going to give it a shot.

They would look pretty cool. I have played pretty, pretty princess when my daughter was young, where she'd want to make me up. And I'll tell you what, I make a decent looking woman. If I had like a wig on or something like that, I'm not too bad. I'm sure you do. You have very gentle features. Yeah, I'm very slight in nature. Yeah. And by the way, just for the record, I don't know why people are going after RAM pickup drivers. I like your pickup truck. I'm a fan. And as a repeat, it's my favorite vehicle I've ever owned, or at least. As a repeat customer of Uber Josh, and I can attest that you are an excellent

driver. Hey, I appreciate that. Yes. I do my best. You do a great job. I'm making up for time when I was a young person and I was not a good driver. I like your pickup. I do. Oh, Local 34 Jesus said ram guys are usually just short guys with tiny penises. He nailed it. Well, I can't speak for all of us, but I'm definitely one of those. He's a Denali guy himself. Well, Mr. Fancy. Yeah, wow. Oh, they're nice. Day Nali is how you say it? Denali. This person says ram drivers sit when they pee.

Sometimes. Sometimes she's tired. You got to get the legs of break. I don't know where all this is coming from. Let's go this way. Well, we've been talking about driving to begin today's report, stupid news report. Keep an eye out. Lots of folks are effing around in part.

parking lots, doing shady things, dangerous things, even. Chicks. Chicks will cause us to do stupid things in parking lots. Here's a guy. For the record, he's from the disgusting far southeastern region of our country. Here's a guy he was trying to impress his lady on a first date, don't you know? Dinkus got himself arrested for doing donuts in a church parking lot on a first date. Ashley, would that impress you?

No, no, probably not. What if you were 17? I'd watch it for a little bit. Why not? But it would not impress me. Do you want to know what he was driving? Sure. A dude was doing donuts in his Chevrolet Corvette.

Josh, do chicks still dig the Corvette? I think so. My neighbor has one. And he has a very attractive wife that seems to enjoy it. I'm more in the classic cars. You're attracted to his wife? Oh, I didn't say that. I said she, well, how do I get out of this?

You can't. I'm admitting that she's a good-looking person. You called her very attractive. I'm not attracted to her. And now I've painted myself in a corner that I have no way out. What's going on in your neighborhood, Josh? I'm not trying to get you in any trouble, but how do you call someone very attractive and then deny that you're attracted to them?

I don't know how to explain it, but there's people I recognize. How about this? Jimmy Garapolo, most attractive man on the planet. Given the opportunity to have sex with him, I would not pass up that opportunity. All right. So, yeah, I'm in big trouble. By the way, he's going to factor into our conversation later when we talk sports with Randy Shaver and Brad Rider, that Jimmy Garapolo.

So dude is doing donuts and his Chevrolet Corvette. but he's got his date in the passenger seat. It's a first date. Dude with the vet is a 28-year-old by the name of Landon. And he and his hot date were just raising all levels of hell in that church parking lot. A witness to the donut show said about Landon's ride. He said it sounded like a car that was completely hot rotted out. No mufflers.

Very, very loud. That's cool, right? Yeah, I love the loud vehicles. The smoke was so thick, they said. You could barely see the vehicle. Apparently, a local cop had watched Landon and his little cupcake girlfriend racing around neighborhoods earlier in the evening.

The cop followed him to that church parking lot. The cop watched the donut show before finally pulling up and putting a lid on Landon's little drift racing silliness. Now, I'm not trying to tell Landon what to do with his pecker, but I think he should consider taking this gal out again. She might be a keeper. It says here when the local cops started hollering at Landon

about tearing up the church parking lot, Landon's date took the blame. She said, it's not his fault, Ossifer. It's my fault. I axed him to do the donuts. And you know what? You can see it on his face in the mugshot because he has the face of a man that says, I'm going to get some as soon as I post bail.

I've never seen a smile quite like that in a mugshot. Landon was very, he appeared to be very pleased with himself. I didn't see Landon. He just found out he's going to get some. He looks so happy. He looks like a nice guy. Yeah, he does. Trying to have some fun.

He's got one of those eyes that kind of floats. But anyway. Yeah, he does. She took the heat for him. That's kind of sexy. They're meant to be. Hey, speaking of sexy, I appreciate the text here. Somebody used AI to take our photo off the website

and made me into a beautiful woman. Oh, wow. Can you see that? I'm gorgeous. Yeah. I should have been boring. a woman. Wait a minute. They altered Dana also. Yeah, I think sometimes that happens when you, I tried to do that for a work photo and it made everyone monsters except for the one person that I was

trying to focus on. I don't really know how to do it. This is going to freak you out here in a minute. So explain this to me. Someone took the picture of the four of us off our website and what did they do? I don't fully know how to do it well. I'm assuming they just put it in, let's just say chat GPT and said, make that ugly guy into a beautiful woman. And I'm quite striking in that photo. Yeah, you are. Let's replace our actual photo with this one. Because it made me a hell of a lot more handsome.

Yeah, you're better looking too. Even just a little bit handsome because I'm not handsome at all. They really gussied me up here. Lady Josh in this photo is a very attractive lady, but I'm going to F you up right now. You know who she looks a hell of a lot like? You know who Lady Josh looks a hell of a lot? like. Who's that? That front desk gal here from years ago that you refused to have sex with. Oh, let me see. Oh, you know what? I do. Yes. Lady Josh. Yeah, look at that.

Looks like a gal that used to work here that you had a fling with many years ago. It's one of our favorite stories. It's one of my favorite stories. She was wild. She was, I was, I thought, such a a pretty lady and a cool ass lady to hang out with. Absolutely. And hilarious. Very, very funny. Why she was drawn to you, I have no idea. Nor do I.

It's one of the life's biggest mysteries. Because she was so wild. And maybe she's got a thing for taming innocent little creatures. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. Some women are like that. Yeah. Because she must have known through hanging out with us that you were a pretty straight-laced

some bitch. Yeah, and we used to, we hung out with her every day. We would hang out up front and, you know, she was entertaining us, basically. She's drawn to Cubby, I think, because she wanted to destroy your innocence. Just corrupt him. I thought for sure she was going to go for me because she and I, I think, were very much alike in our lifestyle, right? Instead, she goes for Cubby and most of you know the story. the two of you start to dangle one night,

and she says, pull my effing hair. And Cubby says, sorry, I can't do that. Nah, I can't do that at all. So adorable. I couldn't. I gave it just the tiniest of,

where she could barely feel it. She's had more punishment delivered at the beauty shop. What do they call it? The beauty parlor. Did I ever mention this? This part that she also wanted me to take her against a wall? Yeah. I remember you mentioned in that.

I couldn't remember if I brought that up before. Her hair's taken a worse beating at the beauty parlor. What's the modern way to say? Salon, thank you. I couldn't come up with what. Yeah, if she were to brush her hair, it would be more violent than what I did. And that was after, you know, really resisting for a while saying I can't injure a person. When you first told me that story, I don't know what my face showed, but it was killing me on the

inside because I would have I would have no hair left I would have plucked every hair out of her skull I would have done whatever she asked me to do all right all right so the same person mentioned that sent in this gender bending photo uh they said they used google gemini to create the image and they just set one of you Dana oh no you are it a homely woman you kind of look like uh her name's Melissa McCarthy? Yeah. You do. You click her a little bit.

All right. While you're at it, whoever this person is, turn all of us into the opposite sex and send it. Can I see what Dana looks like as a woman? So this same character, the same individual, turn Dana into a lady. Dude, I love it. She has a beautiful smile, though, or you do, Dana, Lady Dana. Yeah. What would we call a girl named Dana?

What's the woman version of this name? I look like I'd be a hell of a first basement in softball. You do You nailed it Stop I was drinking coffee, Dana You can't do that She's already spilled it once

She's trying to kill me All right We apologize Because we know a lot of us Can we put this stuff up on our website I believe so Do we have rules against using AI around here Not that I know of

You think they would tell me By no means By no means Did this listener turn you into an ugly woman. No. You know, you kind of look like a frat boys last resort. Yeah.

Like 2.30, 3 o'clock in the morning. She'll do. And I can say that because I've been that, I've been the male version of that last resort. I've never been a first or last resort. Or the gal just kind of pushes you down on the couch and says, yeah, you'll do. You'll do. I do remember the waiting game, though. Like, I just got to wait the rest of these guys.

guys out, maybe I have a chance. Sure. Or the gal just kind of looks at you and says, get the pants off. Let's get this over with. I'm looking forward to this now. So if you have the time, thank you so much for the comedy. This listener is going to now turn, who am I? Nick, me, and Ashley into the opposite sex. Well, and we'll see what the results end up being. I wonder what you look like as a guy, Ashley. Yeah, I'm excited. I mean, you might look really cool, actually. I hope so. I'm nervous. I'm just excited. I'm imagining maybe when this listener turns me into a woman,

I'm just excited to have a full head of hair. Yeah, definitely. I haven't had that since 1990. Let's go with, I don't know, six. All right. Holler at me when Ashley and I are transformed. We're still talking about parking lots here now in our stupid news report. Some folks go right ahead and play with themselves in parking lots.

don't they? I've heard that before. I know some of you are in our listing audience who've probably jacked or jilled in a damn parking lot. Never tried that in a vehicle, anyone here? It's disgusting. No.

No. Now some folks find a partner instead of a solo show. See, now this here story, I know where this is going to go and I'm apprehensive to begin the story because one or two of you is going to go the easy route and make fun of one of my favorite restaurants.

But I'm going to go ahead anyway. In Maryland, a guy-gall couple went to jail for slamming uglies in their motor vehicle in the parking lot of their local Applebee's restaurant. Who would rip Applebee? I'd never have a bad thing to say about Applebee's. It's the best. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever, well, I guess I've heard a nickname for it, but I don't think they

even meant it. No, I didn't mean you people. Oh, yeah, because there are those snobs out there. They're like, oh, a chain restaurant. They better shut up. Oh, they just got microwaves back there. I don't care. They're heating up frozen food.

Yeah, and it's delicious. Shut up. I know a few people. Do you really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Especially you. Foodies.

You'd be surprised, Josh. When you look at my friend group, not an attractive bunch. Not snobby in their wardrobe. There's a couple lookers in that group. Oh, give me a break. Curtis, house. What's that face? You don't think that they're attractive?

Uh-oh, here I go again with that word. I need another word. Ashley, will you write me a list of alternatives to use where I don't get myself in trouble? Yeah, I can do that. You're attracted to your friend's wife. No, I'm not. I'm admitting she's a good-looking person. To two of my guy friends.

I enjoy their company and their aesthetics. You're a troubled character. Apparently so. But I like Applebee's. You wouldn't know it by looking at some of my pals with the way they operate, their background, all of that. But a couple of them are friggin' food snobs. Food snobs. And they roll their eyes at the thought of going to Applebee's.

All Applebee's has ever done for me personally is. dumped a delicious meal into my arrogant yap and all they asked for in return Josh was a fair price. Yeah. That's it. They are decently priced. Those people that hate the chain restaurants and snobs, it reminds me the time I was dating a girl and

we got done with the movie and we wanted a bite to eat and I suggested, hey, well, Perkins is open 24 hours. Let's hit a Perkins. She goes, Ew. Perkins is for poor people. Oh my gosh. I go, well, do you know who you're dating? I like the place.

So anyways, someone called the police when they saw this couple getting it smooth on in the Applebee's parking lot. Word is, now picture this. The gal had her feet pressed up against the back window despite the fact that she was sitting in the front seat. It was a full-on pile driver. That's all.

Impressive. Pile driver. The story tells me her name is Kenesha. His name is James. Kenesha is 35. James is 58. That's a gap. Here's a guy that knows how to take care of business.

Yeah, I wonder if there's a, this was transactional in some way. She gets an appetizer at Applebee. Not an entree. It's too much. Go ahead, James, get some. Yeah, she gets a burger and a marketer. They were both charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct. Just when you think this story couldn't get any more laser hot, says here it's not known

if the two of them even knew each other prior to what they call the incident. So James might have closed this deal right there in the restaurant. The sum bitch cleaned out a bourbon street bowl or whatever, and then he quickly negotiated this parking lot fold off with Kenesha, with shrimp carcass still stuck between his teeth? That's legendary. Josh, one minute, he's licking a plate. The next minute, he's going on.

All right, just for fun, just for fun, I'm going to go ahead and tell you that in the state of Maryland, disorderly conduct charges generally stem from the following. Okay? if you want to get a disorderly conduct charge in Maryland. My buddy House, who Josh is attracted to. He's in a good-looking gentleman. Lived in Maryland for a while.

That kind of brings the whole thing. Tall, handsome, muscular. Common examples of disorderly conduct in Maryland include public intoxication, public fighting, bar fights, throwing your own poop, or engaging in excessively loud or disruptive behavior.

In the case of Kenesha and James, disorderly conduct can also include penetrating each other in a public parking lot. Oh, and this too. Maryland law defines indecent exposure as, now listen closely to this. Indecent exposure is when someone intentionally exposes their genitals in a public place or to someone that would not typically see their genitals. Josh, who, quote, typically sees your genitals? I mean, not even myself, really.

Nobody sees it. Probably just your wife, your doctor, and whoever's jogging on that heavily wooded running trail in your neighborhood, right? Oh, the doctor for sure, yeah. All right. In closing, examples of indecent exposure in Maryland include public urination or defecation, flashing, streaking, eating your own poop again, masturbation in public or mooning.

Kind of say like mooning is a lost art these days. You don't hear or see about it all that often. It kind of seemed to be a thing for a while. You know, maybe it is. You know, I'm not hanging out with teenagers like I did when I was a teenager. That's a good point. But for a while, it was kind of a thing. The listener that made us into the opposite sex has finished the job.

If you guys want to check those out. I saw Nick and he kind of, or she. Lady Nick Nicole kind of looks like she could out drink most guys at an Applebee's I'd have to agree

I'm a gorgeous man I have no access to this stuff I didn't see you All right I'm gonna show you Oh yeah You know you look like You could play bass and nickelback

Ashley Yeah Yeah definitely Thank you to this listener Who has transformed us Into the opposite sex I told you you guys, I make a pretty woman.

Yeah, you do. But Nick's the same. I haven't seen myself yet. Ashley, yeah, you're right, Josh. Kind of looks like just your typical 30-year-old guy these days. Yeah, I look like a normal dude. Here, I'll show you. We've got a beard. He's got a nice hairdo. There you are. Gorgeous hair on you, Nick.

Just a beautiful head of hair. Oh, where's the Nick one? The one I have, he's the only one that didn't change. It's on the top of that. It's the girl with the ham's hat. She has brown hair. Ashley as a dude is very handsome. Now, this is, I don't, I don't understand this AI because this woman, Nicole, as Josh, has labeled me, is way prettier than I should be as a woman.

Yeah, AI is nice to you. One time I, I can't remember what I used it for, but they asked if I wanted, or, I, I, I said like make it look more realistic. And they were like, oh, you don't want it like polished and pretty. We'll take that off or whatever. So I think they usually try to make it look a little bit better. Okay. So they made us all way prettier than we probably would be.

Certainly me. There's no way that, because that woman doesn't share any similar features with me at all. She has perfect teeth. She's beautiful, Nicole. All right. Thanks, player, whoever that was out there. Holy cow. Gosh, I want to have sex with myself.

Red Butcher Jesus just sent and then another photo of me as an AI woman. Yeah? This is the only talent I have is looking hot as a fake woman. That looks exactly like what they made me to be. Oh, no, it doesn't. It's quite a bit different. Oh, well.

Yeah. The picture's not very good. You've got it from a distance, maybe it does. Similar hair, but yeah, it looks a lot different. They're making it all. She looks like she's an FBI agent, the way she's dressed. We've never looked so good Every last one of us

All right What kind of time are we looking at? Can I get through this one? I think I can. This is a fresh one for me. I've never heard of something like this. I guess that's what makes the stupid news So much fun.

It gives us a look into An entirely different world. There are people who do things, people who have ideas that would never enter my mind, ever, and here's one. Again, the southeastern United States. A dude was trying to blow his lips off. At least I think that's what he was trying to do. But again, I don't think like this.

I've never heard of anything like this. Filthy-looking dude was acting unhinged at a mall. In the end, they found out his name is Hugh. Hugh. A dude looks terrible. His beard looks like a bird's nest. Anyway, he got caught shoplifting. And then he starts with the cursing and swearing at everybody that crosses his path.

The cops told him to take a friggin' walk. And now this gets much darker and more bizarre. Hugh walks away. He's still cursing and screaming like a child. He walks over to the nearby Panera restaurant. Cops followed Hugh over to Panera. Hugh went into the men's John. The cops saw that he had sat down in one of the stalls.

They thought maybe he had gone in there to smoke some drugs. They heard the sound of a cigarette lighter snapping up and down like they do. But when the cops cracked open the door of the stall, Hugh was trying to light a friggin shotgun slug that he had in his mouth. What? What the balls are you doing, son? trying to make the slug fire. So was he trying to fire it into his own yap?

Was he trying to get it to fire outwards at the cops? I have no idea. Either way, if it worked, he was likely going to blow his face all over the walls of that bathroom. The caps slapped the slug out of his mouth hole like a parent would do if their child had a cigarette. The cops slapped it out of his mouth. They took him away, hopefully far away. because this dude scares me. Hugh, he does.

And there was some talk of mental health assistance for Hugh here at the end of this. And again, I can get you three the address if you like. But there's a conversation here about mental health assistance. Yeah, I think he could probably use a talking to somebody to listen. Have you ever heard of anything like that in your life? No, it's news to me. I did hear about something terrible that happened in a Panera bathroom once. A friend of mine admitted he.

did something. He committed an act with himself in a Panera bathroom. Gave himself a little humpernickle there at the Panera. Humper nickel. What the hell? He said it was he just had to, it was an emergency. At Panera? At Panera.

That's like a family place. It is. Is this the guy with the attractive wife? Different guy. Is this the guy friend of yours that all he ever wants to do with you was talk about sex? Different guy. Different guy. Yeah, cranking at Panera.

At Panera. Jeez. With the smell of soup and bread. There's a lot of old people there. Yeah. Anytime I go there, a bunch of old people having coffee. And he's in there, he's wailing away at himself. Not right.

He said it didn't take too long, but he had to do it. It's terrible. He said it was in a... You know, it's like... You know how like some people have a code brown? This was a code, you know, pick a color here. He had to get it going. Oh.

I'm never going to feel comfortable of Panera again. It certainly tainted Panera for me a little bit. I've been sitting there like, is there somebody masturbating in that bathroom right now? What the hell is wrong with you, Josh? What did I do? Sports

On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. The circle works past Storm, cut off by Tarasenko, 20 to go. Coffee. Once he gets to shoot the puck. Oh, yeah, the pigs lost a heartbreaker last night up there in Quebec. They did.

Who was it? Was it? Pat Benatar that came at us with that song back in. I'm going to go ahead and say, I'm going to say 1980 or 81. Heartbreaker, love taker, this and that. Better get your lyrics. You're a heartbreaker, dream maker. I think that was Pat Benettar.

Yeah, Montreal Canadiens beat him four or three. 15 seconds left. Dude scores the friggin' game winner. That's that kick right in the pills. The Detroit Red Wings play here tomorrow night. The wolves pissed their pants last night in Salt Lake City. Kimball. Friggins.

Angered the hell out of me. Same old song and dance with the Golden Gopher basketball team. I mean, they play well. They play well enough to win. They come up short. Roll the boat, Scott, Yamaha, and Go, go for Big Ten Network. Shut up. What?

You love him. I love PJ. Oh, no. But I can't do that anymore. All right. I lost my cool. I do love PJ very much. And tell you what, we got plenty more to cover at 730.

Randy Shaver will be here, Brad Rider will be here, and we can give folks that big Jimmy Garapolo news that we were hinting at earlier, right, Josh? That's right. It's pretty big. We don't talk about him enough. No, Jimmy Garapolo news is on the horizon. Josh and his report is coming up next.

What's going on, podcast pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. riding the comfort you deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-L-L-E. This isn't your average podcast. This pot is about to be crazy. I don't even know what's going to happen. This is Full Send.

It's just like a boy's scrap. Join the party. We threw like a spontaneous party. Out of nowhere is crazy. And we pulled off a crazy prank. Prinks, parties and viral culture at its wildest. Just seeing like the guys that you brought in and like seeing their different personalities and stuff. It's been entertaining, dude.

This could be the greatest content build of all time, bro. The Full Send podcast. Dude, let's get ready to rumble. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's do it. Half-assed morning show. 93X. I would be highly surprised if there was under 3 or 400 victims when this is all said and done.

Find a different hobby or pastime. Maybe a less expensive one. I don't know. Deputies finally nailed a Florida man for throwing lots of them into the street. 51-year-old Felix Uresti has been arrested after throwing hundreds of nails into the road at almost 30 different occasions. He... Sorry, I forgot to turn my microphone on. What's bothering this guy, Josh?

You know, they haven't quite said what his issue is. He hates tires. He was taken into custody last Tuesday after deputies caught him mid-misdeed, pitching hardware under the road about 15 miles east of Tampa, a stretch that had apparently become his preferred dumping ground. As an investigation and Uresti began in September, a call came in saying hundreds of nails were scattered across a number of roads.

Everybody pissed some people off. Police vowing at the time, they wouldn't you're resty until they made an arrestee. Let's take that out of the podcast. No. Over the next five months, 27 additional incidents cropped up in the same area, each one adding another prickly footnote to a growing police file. Police finally got their guy after they say the middle-aged weirdo, exited his pickup, and placed nails onto the road.

A search of Uresti's vehicle had five. The nail in the coffin, deputies discovered the same roofing nails used in previous locations stored in a large bucket on the back seat. Probably a ram driver. Probably. Police offered no motive for the bizarre crimes. Yeah, I'd like to know what his issue is.

He's just lost his friggin' mind like a lot of us are doing these days. Taking it out on folks that have nothing to do with whatever his gripe is. Getting in a car accident can make for a bad day. However, things can get even worse if your vehicle is stolen from the crash site, and even more so if the thief is a man masquerading as the tow truck driver. Shortly after the collision, a man driving a white tow truck pulled up without being called. He told the SUV's driver to step aside so he could hook up the damaged vehicle. Step aside, but lord.

Look out. The owner refused, saying he was waiting for law enforcement. According to the Florida Highway Patrol, the tow truck driver answered by telling him, you don't have a choice. So the faux-to-bro connected the SUV and drove away. What do you mean I don't have a friggin' choice? No choice. Authorities later located him in a neighboring city.

There, he claimed the SUV's owner and a highway helper had told him to move the vehicle. They claim both later disputed. The patrol said the man admitted he had been listening to police scanners and responding to reported crashes. He also acknowledged that his driver's license was suspended and that he had towed the victim's One of those guys who wax off while listening to the police blotter. Well, he was doing it to steal vehicles and collect money that wasn't due to him. So he was waiting to hear for an accident and said, I'm going to show up with my tow truck and get myself a new ride. Yeah, I bet he wax off.

Probably. Everybody does, except for me. Troopers noted the same tow truck had been stopped too much guilt. Stopped in December for similar issues, suggesting a pattern of similar criminal behavior. The man was charged with grand theft auto solicitation by an unauthorized wrecker, operator, and obstruction. I mean, I've done it before, but I feel guilty about it. The truck itself purchased last year from a legitimate towing company was seized, bringing the short-lived towing empire to a stop. Well, that's sleazy and wrong.

It is. Talking about your masturbation. I know. That's why I refuse to do it. Authorities arrested a Miami woman who ordered a. a lift ride driver and then lifted the driver's ride. Just after 8.45 p.m. Monday the 12th, investigators with the South Miami Police Department said a lift driver arrived at a family dollar to pick up a woman, later identified as Lindsay Josephsburg. The 37-year-old,

soon-to-be car thief, asked the driver to help her load some bags into his Honda. As he walked to the back of the car, she moved to the front, climbed in the driver's seat, and took off. tracking her didn't take long. The driver's cell phone was still inside the vehicle, so investigators used to find my iPhone to locate it. The phone pinged at her address, so rather than assume she would do her civic duty and turn herself in for stealing the Honda on her own accord,

police brought justice to Josenberg, taking her into custody, bringing the Odyssey incident to a close. She admitted that she stole the vehicle, but that wasn't the end of her legal trouble. officers searching her purse found a pink glass pipe with suspected cocaine residue and a Xanax bill. She also wasn't legally allowed to pilot a vehicle in the first place, and her license had been suspended for more than two years due to previous offenses. Wow, F her. Yeah, she's not a very good person.

Speaking of Honda, a newly commissioned study from the automaker suggests that over a lifetime, the average driver logs enough pavement to circle the globe 63 times. That's fun. To reach that figure, folks at Honda surveyed 2,000 drivers and added it all up. By their account, motorists accumulate more than 1.5 million miles behind the wheel, which the study notes is the rough equivalent of three round trips to the moon. The survey also sketched out the average pattern of ownership. Most drivers moved through five different vehicles over a lifetime,

handing over their keys about every five years. 15% by their first car at age 17, an early introduction, to a long relationship with insurance premiums. Along the way, fuel tanks get filled an average of 1,360 times. And at least in my case, that stretch includes getting sick off a gas station, hard-boiled eggs at least once. But going back for more. If all that mileage adds up to a lifetime spent behind the wheel, it might be good to know where the time is actually most pleasant.

Another survey ranked every state from the best place to drive to the worst. The rankings were based on 31 different factors, including gas and insurance prices, traffic, weather, road quality, etc. The 10 best states for driving were Vermont, Iowa, Kansas, Nebraska, Indiana, Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, North Carolina, and Minnesota. The 10 worst were Hawaii, Washington, Montana, California, Maryland, Colorado, Missouri, New Hampshire, Nevada, and Pennsylvania. North Dakota and South Dakota finished just one point behind Minnesota. Illinois landed about three points behind and Wisconsin finished five points worse than Minnesota You guys have taken a lot of road trips, right?

Sure. Bottom line is there a company, we do a lot of driving. Seems that way, yeah. Taking a lot of road trips, have you? What name the road trip that you've taken, maybe even more than once, that just feels really long. Only feels?

Yeah. Yeah, because, like, for instance, I've taken much longer road trips, but for whatever reason, every time I've driven to Walker, it felt like a lifetime between Brainerd and Walker. It's because, you know, when we used to drive up that way. Yeah. Yeah, for whatever reason, it does. Between Brainerd and Walker, to me, it feels like a frigid lifetime. And I can't explain why. A close second for me would be Sue Falls.

But Walker. Ooh, wow. Sue Falls. That one, that comes to mind for sure. Why is that? Is there some kind of Bermuda Triangle up there or something? I don't know how to describe it. Are you usually excited to be going there?

No. Oh, I thought maybe that has something to do with it. No. Hmm. Maybe when I went to see the moon dance jam up there once or twice. Maybe then I was excited about it. Well, I heard that's a good time. So, yeah, it's not necessarily the most mileage.

It just feels a little longer than it should. India's serial killing bull and an elephant remains on the loose. They can't get this thing. I don't know. What is this? I know it's awful that people are dying, but this elephant is hilarious. It's amazing. The thing's giant and they can't get it.

One more time with this. That bull elephant, remember we talked about the serial killer? Oh, he's stomping folks to dust. In India, and he's still on the loose. He's responsible for the murder of nearly two dozen people. Oh, no. Injuring several more. Is he still going?

He's still killing? He hides out in the jungle or whatever. Dude. Wildlife officials say the attacks began at random New Year's Day. A couple and their two children, sadly, were trampled to death while they slept. Since then, the toll attributed to trunk the Ripper has continued to climb, and every attempt to capture the serial killing pachyderm has thus far failed. This is an unprecedented situation.

It's the first time such a pattern of fatalities has been linked to a single male elephant in the region. The divisional forest officer said of the elephant attacks during an interview with the BBC on the elephone. The officer added that if circumstances allow officials would prefer to trace the animal, capture it, and return it safely into the wild rather than resorting to lethal measures. Still, the available options appear to be narrowing, and officials so far haven't been up to the tusk. Asian bull elephants typically stand between six and 12 feet tall, weigh anywhere from three to seven tons. officials said this particular elephant is young, agile, and horny. Oh, hell yeah. So is that what he's doing?

He's, this is all his pent-up sexual aggression. Yeah, they think it's not just, you know, he's horny and then it adds to, right, just aggression in general. Like your buddy in high school when he didn't get laid during the week, he's going to start a fight at the keg party on Friday night? The wildlife official said it now has elevated testosterone, being to be all horned up. Oh, no. And so there's increased aggression, and they say that can last between 15 and 20 days. Well, here we are. This is the 21st day since he went on his rampage.

That's got to be horrifying up there. Oh, I can't even imagine. And confusing. You have to watch out for an elephant attack at all times. I think I asked you this question the first time you brought it up. Are we talking about a neighborhood where they live in grass, mud, huts, and whatnot? Pretty much from my understanding. Oh, it's got to be horrifying.

Death by elephant would suck, but I think some of my friends and family who you get a kick out of it. Oh, yeah. You know? They'd be the guy that died by the elephant. Yeah, yeah, I'd give them a good story on my way out. Officials have also noted that the animal may have strayed from its herd. If captured, the plan would be to relocate it and allow it to rejoin other elephants deeper in the forest.

Well, I'm glad they're not, like, holding it against him. Like, you know, we're just going to reroute you. Why can we just get this elephant laid? Are you volunteering your services? I don't know. Do you know a telephone number to dial on that? It's now clear while tracking data briefly suggested a suspect was dragging his butt across the carpet. Authority searching for a man who missed a court appearance in New York last week,

discovered he vanished after leaving his court-ordered GPS ankle monitor buckled to a dog. Lamont Holmes was scheduled to appear before an Albany court judge for a hearing ahead of his January 27th. sentencing and weapons charges. When he failed to show, the probation department alerted the judge that Holmes cut off his ankle monitor and fastened it to the dog. The trail picked up the following Tuesday morning when a local TV station reported a woman spotted a dog running loose. A vet later noticed the ankle monitor attached to the paroled in retriever's collar and contacted

police. The paroledin retriever? Yeah, Ashley made me do that. Yeah, sorry. Investigators have not said whether Holmes owns the dog and it remains unclear whether he'll face additional charges. Oh, I bet they'll charge him for that. Somebody else's dog, he found.

Wouldn't that be something? Dog, come here. You know, golden retrievers just happy little idiots running around. In entertainment news this morning, Universal is pressing the accelerator, scrapping an old favorite and making room for something built one quarter track at a time. Where is this Fast and Furious again? Yep. Oh, really?

Yep. Oh, it was a lucky guess. Universal Orlando Resort is greenlit its next high-octane build, announcing plans to debut a new roller coaster titled Fast and Furious Hollywood Drift, expected to open next year. How excited are you? I would obviously go check that out. Oh, yeah, you're right.

Finally, something corny associated with the Fast and Furious movies franchise. Meanwhile, Amazon is leaning into bunker doors and moral dilemmas, Pulling reality TV into a post-apocalyptic sandbox. Prime Video is rolling out a new reality competition series titled Fallout Shelter, drawing from the Fallout Video Game and Streaming Series. That sounds pretty cool. Yeah, maybe. Well, actually, I probably won't watch it.

Is it just people living in a fallout shelter so you can last the longest? Yeah, stuff like that. You've got to work together. And we talked about this earlier. there is proof that even space legends have earthly priorities. 94-year-old actor William Shatner was spotted in Los Angeles conducting what appeared to be a solo mission through a bowl of cereal while behind the wheel. Photographer has caught the former Captain Kirk paused at a stoplight,

boldly going deep into a bowl of cereal, navigating breakfast, and stopping at a red light at the same time. I'm just happy he's still alive and eating. Me too, and he looks really happy. Is that the plastic surgery, maybe? Yeah, it could be. It could be. Tonight on FX and Hulu, the series premiere of The Beauty.

Evan Peters and Rebecca Hall are FBI agents investigating the deaths of supermodels and a conspiracy leading back to a trillion-dollar empire run by Ashley's middle school crush, Ashton Coucher. Oh, no way. And did you say Evan Peters? Yeah, you got a thing for him too. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, you're not going to be able to control yourself. I'm so excited.

Despite the rumors to the contrary, Ashton Coutcher is coming clean, making it clear this week that he does practice good hygiene four years after he and his wife, Milakunis, face scrutiny over remarks that implied they don't shower very often. I love that. That's going on for so long. After they came out with that, people were just like, ew, no, we're not doing that. And he's frustrated by it. So he's saying... Well, come on, you can't say something like that and expect everyone to be like, oh, all right. He's saying that was never true or he's saying now I shower myself?

No, he's saying that people misunderstood. In July 2021, Coonis told Dak Shepard on his armchair expert podcast, she didn't wash her children every day. I wasn't that parent that bathed my newborns ever, she said. The couple then went on to discuss their own bathing habits. I wash my armpits and my crotch daily and nothing else ever, Cotcher said at the time. Now he's walking back those comments a bit saying they were taken out of context at the time, and he is, in fact, sufficiently washed. I mean, that's kind of what I do.

I don't wash my hair every day, so I just take, like, I don't know, I just wash the bottom parts. That's it? Like neck down? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think you're supposed to wash your hair every day. No? Uh-uh, it's not good for you. So, yeah, I mean, I don't know.

You say you only wash your armpits and crotch and nothing else ever, quote, quote. I can see why somebody might take that as you might not be showering every day. As long as you don't clean out a room when you walk into the damn thing, I don't care what you do. Yeah, on this tour for The Beauty, again, that's debuting tonight on FX and Hulu. His co-star said, yeah, the guy's as clean as can be. We don't worry about it. He's not disgusting to work with. Just so relieved this got cleared up. Yeah, well, he's been tired to answer the question the last four years. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, what are you some kind of filth pile? Or what's your problem?

problem, Ashton Cusher. He's playing a evil character in this series. It appears so. That might be interesting, huh? Basketball great Hakeem Elijah Juan, 63 today. Oh, the dream, my favorite of all time. Golf great Jack Nicholas, 86.

And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show. And here comes Bobrovsky. All the way down the ice. Look out. Oh, here we go. He drops the Mitz. Bobrovsky.

goes after Nadilkovich. Oh, yeah. Sergei Bobrovsky came 200 feet to throw punches with Alex Nadilkovic. They both go tumbling to the ice. Oh, you don't see this very often.

Randy Schaeber and Brad Ryder, what's going on? Good morning, good morning, good morning. Hello? Welcome to the program, fellas. There was a goalie fight a night or two ago. That's always fun to see. Yeah, it is. I'm told it was the first goalie fight in five years in the National Hockey League.

Maybe that's what makes it so fun. And it's cool just to see the reaction of the teammates. You know, they're so excited about it. They were cracking up. They really were. Partially because it wasn't the greatest fist bite you've ever seen in your life. I was kind of surprised how bad it was. I agree.

They loved that the goalies stood up for the club, but you saw a few boys on both benches, roaring with laughter. Because you ever seen, I'm trying to picture, what animal I meant? Like when a couple of deer get up on their hind legs and kind of slap front hooves,

you know, like a little territory. That's kind of what these two goalies came up with. It was a lot of kind of hand slapping. Well, with all those pads, it's like trying to get into a fistfight wearing one of those sumoamount costumes, you know? You got to get the gear smooth off, I think. Yeah. If the goalies really want to get out of it,

it take off the top layer, you know. You're right, though, it wasn't the greatest showing, but it was still an entertaining crowd gets a kick out of it. The teammates getting... It's a couple of kickers went at it in football. Yeah. Has that ever happened? No, I don't think so.

There's never been a kicker-on-kicker fist fight on a national football league field, but now that you're- Suppose if somebody rushed onto the field, that would be some pretty big trouble. Now that you brought it up, I would like to see two kickers. get in a fist fight. Let's go with that to settle some of these regular season ball games instead of overtime. Oh, I already forgot which I only was able to unfortunately just watch little bits of each game over the weekend. Which team has the guy they call the thicker kicker?

Oh, that's the Rams. He is thicker. That was pretty funny. Yeah, yeah. He kicked the game winner for the Rams. Yes, he did. He's not built like your typical place kicker. No, he doesn't look like an athlete.

They look like they pulled them off the couch. The uniform doesn't fit him like it does other people. No. Yeah. Yeah, so there was a goalie fight the other night. Geez, these friggin names. Sergei Bobrovsky, I've heard that over and over again. That was the Florida goaltender who fought the other night.

You know, I've heard his name multiple times because of the success the Panthers have had. The other guy, San Jose Sharks' goaltender, Alex, knit a jerkoff? In Panera. Need a jerk off? Yeah, need a jerk off. Alex Needed Jerkoff was the other goaltender. Bro Bible, for fun, Bro Bible put together a list of their idea

for the greatest 11 goalie fights in NHL history. Now, I'm sure they're completely unaware of quite a few goalie fights that have happened over the years. But just, if you just want to look it up, there's some recognizable names in here. Ray Emery's in here. couple of times. Didn't that poor guy die young somehow terribly?

Can someone look that up or am I thinking to somebody else? I want to say Ray Emery checked out Young for some terrible reason. But he could throw hands. Good fighter for a goaltender. They mention Kerry Price, Tim Thomas. A couple of times you get Avalanche Red Wing goalie fights mentioned here in the article from their rivalry.

in the late 90s. You got Patrick Waugh versus Chris Osgood. You got Patrick Waugh versus Mike Vernon. Looks like you've drunk. Go ahead. Sorry, Randy. I was just going to say, I have to imagine there's been a goalie, goalie tussles way back when, too, back in the old days.

Oh, yeah. In the NHL, probably a lot more than later. Felix Potvin, which was, he was such a great goaltender for the Maple Leafs in the early 90s. And the Maple Leafs, that was their last great. chance for a Stanley Cup was in the early 90s, and Felix Potvin was a big part of that. One of the fights that made this top 11 goalie fights ever is Felix Potvin versus Ron Hextall. And I've told you guys Ron Hextall stories in the past. In 1985, Ron Hextall could have handed me a gun and said, let's fight, and I would have said no.

You know what I mean? Even with a weapon in, no way. Ron Hextall was such a frightening, frightening guy. I wouldn't have even agreed to fight him if he gave me a weapon. So if he's wanted to check that out, that's pretty good stuff. Oh, so back to Anita Jerkoff, the goaltender for San Jose, who was part of that fight the other night. In his career, he has scored a goal. That's great.

There aren't many goaltenders that can say that. He has registered an assist, not as rare, but, and now the other night was his first fighting major. So, yes, Randy. Got the hat truck. Need a jerk off is the fifth goaltender in NHL history with a goal assist at a fighting major in his career. That's cool. The others, Billy Smith, almost as scary as Ron Hextall.

Billy Smith, New York Islander's goaltender back in the day. Ron Hextall is on this list along with Chris Osgood, who was mentioned a minute ago, and Mike Smith, some of you might remember Mike Smith, big tall goaltender for the Dallas stars Edmonton Oilers back in the day. So I need a jerk off got into the record books. With all this said, let's roll right into our Pigs update brought to you by Luther Kia of Bloomington. Luther Kia of Bloomington wishes you a happy new year. Take advantage of 0% financing for 48 months and no payments for 90 days and all remaining 2025 Kia Tela rides. Plus Luther's true zero zero.

down lease on 2026 Kia Seltos, 36 months, 10,000 miles per year, just 379 per month, or stop out and pre-order at 2027 Kia Telleride. Take delivery of any new Kia by the end of January and receive one year of maintenance on them. See dealer for details. There you go, our friends at Luther Kia of Bloomington. We appreciate them. And what they do for our radio program, Tonka TIG welding Jesus texted in, and this is, I mean, no offense, Tonka TIG welding,

than Jesus, but this is the most obvious statement of the day. He says, goalie fights are a million times more entertaining than baseball fights. Well, yeah. Baseball fights are the dumbest thing going in all of professional sports. Unless Tommy Lasorda was involved. Then I would say baseball fights have a little bit more humor to him. If Tommy is there. If Tommy was involved.

It's going to add, or if Don Zimmer gets thrown onto his fat head. That was awesome. then, but baseball fights are just the dumbest. I can't stand that anymore where everybody rushes in, the bullpen guys, the whole smear, and then they just jaw jack. It's so frigging lame. Actually, I would argue that back in the day,

manager arguments with umpires are more entertaining than the actual fights between players. Oh, by a landslide. I would say the Earl Weaver turned your hat around, Joe Torrey kicked the dirt on the home plate. Ron Gardenhire. Oh, yeah. Turning red.

I mean, way more entertaining than watching both teams gather at the mound. Baseball fights might be more entertaining if they implemented the basketball rule that you can't leave the bench. Yes. If you couldn't leave the dugout and you just let two guys go one-on-one on the baseball field, that might be okay. But by the time, to your point, by the time everybody gets out there, all they do is dance around and jaw jack. To see two guys square up, just one-on-one on a ball field?

Hell, yes, that'd be outstanding. I'd like to see someone kick that, what's that, the big strong guy. What's his name? Pete Alonzo. I'd like to see someone beat his ass. Mickey, what's the twin that we just released? Mickey Gasper versus Pete Alonzo. That's what I want to see one-on-one.

Well, here's another text. but would I rather see a baseball fight or a basketball fight? Any fights better than a baseball fight. Any fight. In basketball, they throw legit punches at each other. Really try. Well, yeah, I mean, they're not the greatest spitz fighters in the world, like those goalies we saw the other night.

But, I mean, in basketball, at least they will get nose to nose and throw hands. In baseball, they never do it, ever. So any fight's better than a baseball fight. The pigs lost a heartbreaker last night. playing at the Montreal Canadiens home rink. I watched a good amount of that hockey game. The Canadians are slick. They moved that puck around very well,

and the pigs played well again without a few regulars. Game tied at three. I would have bet my life that they were going to go to overtime because that's what the man bear pig specialize in is overtime. But the Canadian scored with 15 some odd seconds left to win the sum bitch clean. four to three. Cole Caulfield was the character who scored the game winner.

For the official records, our guy, Mark Folino, no goals, no assists, no shots on goal in 15 minutes of ice time. So he might have been dealing with a little bit of an overhang after his so-called hat trick in Toronto the other night. Too much celebration.

Yep. We were hoping to talk to Marcus about all that today, but he said, I think the direct quote, he said to Josh, was, please go away, let me sleep for the love of God, he said. He said he wasn't getting into town, you know, from this Montreal game till late. He wanted to sleep. So we'll talk to him next week.

Yeah, they got an off day today. And they don't have many of those off days. Mm-mm. Please go away. Let me sleep for the love of God. That was Marcus. That was Marcus this morning, yes. Vladimir Teresenko.

If Caprisoff is the Russian kid, then Teresenko is the Russian dude because he's a little older. He scored twice last night. He's been really good for them. Surprisingly good. Yes, yeah, very much so. A lot of folks laughed their nuts off when the pigs signed Vladimir Teresenko because they said, look, it's not 2009 anymore. But he's always been surprisingly. The boys played again without Johansson, Eck, Portner, Boldie, Brodine,

and Bogosian. Jeez. And that's the thing about a guy like Teresenko. He's playing. I mean, he's not getting hurt. He's not missing games. He's out there getting his 15, 16 minutes of ice time. I mean, you got to hand it to him.

He's helped them quite a bit. No doubt, no doubt. Up next to Detroit Red Wings play here in town tomorrow night. What would I rather see people that are texting in a baseball? fight or a Jake Paul fight. Well, here's the difference. I think I'd rather watch the baseball fight because at least it's legitimate. At least there's legitimate anger and legitimate competition in mind when you see the

baseball players gather on the mound to swear at each other. At least it's real. So I guess I stand corrected. There's one type of fight even worse than a baseball fight. Montreal Canadiens. That's my pick to go to the Cup from the Eastern Conference after watching 60% of their hockey game. That's all he needed.

They really looked very, very good. So I'm going to go with the Montreal Canadians. We'll make an appearance in the Cup finals. That would be exciting. Canadians will, yes. That's my friggin pick by damn Cubby. I'll tell you right now. Ooh, do I want to see a baseball fight?

These are text messages coming in. Do I want to see a baseball fight or an empty net goal? goal. That's tough. That's a toss up. That's a toss. Because baseball fights are so lame, but yet an empty net goal is so disrespectful to the history of the game. So I'll take lameness over disrespect. I'd rather see a baseball fight. Might as well just go piss on Gordy Howe's grave. Jonas Brodine.

Sounds like he'll miss the Olympics. He's going to miss a lot of time with this injury. Yep. You want to know where it's at, Randy Schaever? Lower legs. The lower body injury. Yeah, there we go. Lower body.

Yeah, he's not expected to return to hockey for six to eight weeks. The Olympian players are supposed to leave for, where is it? Guamil. Italy? Italy. Italy. They're leaving for Italy in just a couple of weeks. Well, he was supposed to play for the big, frigging obnoxious Swedes.

he's not going to make it that's got to be a bummer not going to make it the Timberwolves their pants last night he'll lose into the Utah Jazz on the road this team is so frustrating

they played a terrible fourth quarter so frustrating terrible fourth quarter you just you just don't know what kind of team is going to show up on a given night

And I'm sure for Chris Finch, he's more frustrated than anybody else because the team is so talented. They're super competitive when they want to be. They should be beating teams like Utah without any issues. And they get into a fourth quarter mess last night and let Keante George just absolutely own them last night. absolutely owned them. Whoever Keonti George is, he scored 43 points. Now, he's a very good player. I don't know if he's a 43 point level player.

Not trying to take anything away from the kid. He had a career night. But yeah, Edward scored 38, and that was cute. Don't get me wrong. But they gave up 40-some points in the fourth quarter. They shot the ball terribly in that quarter. They had a 15-point lead at one point or another. Now, 15 points doesn't mean dick these days,

but the Jazz scored on their first 11 possessions of the fourth quarter. And they're playing without their best player. Markinen didn't even play last night. Lori Markinen. They're back home tomorrow night and play the Chicago Bulls. Well, can we just get them to leave Kobe White in Minnesota? Yeah, maybe. They might pull a Mark Salas.

Wasn't that the old Mark Salas story when he was playing for the Minnesota? And Kavich, too. Doug Menkevich? Yeah. Yeah, with the Red Sox. Yep. Just walk down the hall at Metro Dome. Switch clubhouses.

Oh, yeah. Okay, now, ever since I went off on how lame baseball fights are, most folks are agreeing with me. But one dude texted in and it said, look up the Jose Batista fight. I don't have to look it up, dude. I watched it. Yes, there are sometimes very, very unique exceptions to these rules.

When Jose Batista got his friggin' jaw loosened for him by Ruffman. Ned Ador. Many, I don't know, was this 10, 15 years ago now? Sounds right. That was a legit punch to the yap and a beautiful one. One of my favorite baseball highlights ever. If you don't know what I'm talking about, take this person's advice and look it up.

Do you know that one, Ashley, being a baseball fan? No, I don't. This one wasn't so much a fight, but definitely some anger when and Chicago White Sox pitcher threw behind Tori Hunter trying to hit him. And the ball went out of the backstop, and he picked it up and whipped her right back in the pitcher. If he would have connected on that. That was a great moment in Twins history. It really was.

Right in the heart of that White Sox twins' rivalry early 2000s. Oh, that was great. Yeah. Tori Hunter, man. He was fired. Another guy you wouldn't want to mess with if he got hot, hot, man. Speaking of the white. There's no fake fighting with story.

That White Sox rivalry. What was the name of that catcher that he actually just destroyed? I think his body is still there at home plate. Oh. He, you know, he's coming home, bang, bang, play. And he just, like a middle linebacker just leveled that catcher. Those were great days. Oh, man.

Everyone's throwing these scenarios at me. Would I rather see a baseball fight, Steph Curry's mouth guard, or another James Harden stepback three-pointer? Stop it. have a temper tantrum. Yes, Nolan, Ryan, Robin Ventura. Again, there are some very unique, wild exceptions to the rule. Another listener texted in and said, you got to give Batista credit.

He didn't go down. No, he didn't. And that was one hard punch to the jaw. Did you see it yet, Smashley? No, I'm trying to find it. What are you doing? Looking at porno? No, I was, I'm trying to find it.

She probably can't spell roof net or door. Oh, yeah, those are difficult. Honestly, that's where I've been struggling. R-O-U-G-H-E-D. E-D. That's right. O-D-R, I believe. That's correct.

Yep, Ruthenette O'Dore. What were you saying, Braddarder? Jamie Burke was the White Sox catcher that got leveled. There it is. Jamie Burke. All right. Another scenario here. Josh's mom or Josh's sister?

Well, can't I just do it the way we normally do and both at once? Can't you just have them both? Yeah. What's wrong with you guys? Why can't I just have them? Best of both worlds. You'd be so lucky. Would I rather see another empty net goal or watch the Iron Claw again?

Stop it, stop it. I love it. This is a lot of fun. Brony James actually received NBA All-Star Games' starter votes. Oh, God. To show you that, and this is players, not fans. Dad vote for him?

Pardon me? Did dad vote for him? That was what my wife said. It's got to be Dad and Brani voted for Brony. But that's a true story. Who all gets to vote on this? The fans get a certain say in it, right? Yeah, and then coaches and players.

Coaches and players. The media get a little bit of a say, too. much. So I guess this goes to show you, Cubby, that NBA players do have a sense of humor. If it wasn't Brony and LeBron directly voting for Brony, there's a couple players out there who were snickering while filling out their ballot and voted Brony to be a starter. You mentioned this, I think, yesterday, Randy Schaber. Okay, so Edwards didn't. You know, the NBA All-Star game is such a freaking comedy show in the first place. It is. I don't really care who starts. And maybe it means something to Anthony Edwards' overall

paycheck or something. So Edwards is not a starter. He'll certainly play in the game. I'd be A1 from day one. I think maybe you mentioned this yesterday, Randy Schaber, that LeBron James was not voted as a starter. That's correct. For the first time since 2003-4. So that's 21 years in a row. Now there is a possibility. Oh, an injury? Yeah, I think with Yokit, being hurt and being voted in as a starter, the NBA Western coach would have to replace him.

So that streak, if LeBron makes it as a backup, that streak could continue. Okay. At this point, LeBron has started in 21 consecutive All-Star Games. That's a record. Karim Abdul-Jabbar did it 19 years in a row. Kobe Bryant, 18 years in a row. This is kind of interesting, at least if you're a basketball fan.

Here was the starting lineup for the Eastern and Western Conference. The last time, LeBron was not a starter in the year 2003 and then four. Here were the starting lineups in the Eastern Conference. Alan Iverson, who I've fallen completely in love with. Have you seen his commercial, Josh, where he's driving a car with some guy who idolizes him and wants to be just like him? No. It's very funny. Oh, I got to look that up.

I don't know what they're advertising. I've fallen completely in love with Alan Iverson. I hated him as a player. I thought he was a little... Is it the practice? Are they doing his infamous practice conversation? I don't think they mimic that bit, and I'm glad that they don't because that's such a tired bit. I forgot they're in a car and the other guy's very funny.

Tracy McGrady. This is at Eastern Conference. Alan Iverson, Tracy McGready, Vince Carter, Germain O'Neill, and Ben, Ben Wallace. In the West it was, oh God, Steve Francis. Oh, wow. Wow. I thought about that game in a while.

Who went nowhere's. Yeah. Kobe Bryant, K.G. Tim Duncan. And Josh could have provided him oral sex while standing flat on his feet, Yao Ming. Yeah, that was embarrassing. I think I'll take the Western Conference to win that. That matchup from 2003-4? Oh, yeah.

Oh, I don't know how it turned out. No, I'm just saying. Yeah. If you're looking at overall 20 years later, the lineups, I will take the Western Conference easily. Tell them about that Yao Ming blowjob. Well, you and I were lucky enough to meet him. We were at a Wolf's game, and we were introduced to him, and we walked up,

and I realized, my God, my face is in his crotch. Yeah. It was very embarrassing. We met Yao. the only other human being that have ever been that close to that was, well, Minute Bowl was taller, right? Yeah, a few inches taller. We met Manute Bowl, which was one of the greatest memories of this miserable career,

meeting Manute Bull because he's one of the greatest people that ever lived. The dude from the Harlem Globetrotters was taller. Oh, yeah, that guy was giant. I have no memory of his name. So Mnupo, I guess he's a little, I hate to use the word short. That doesn't even make sense. Be shorter than I thought. So he was only an inch taller than Yao Ming, which kind of surprises me, but Yal Ming was giant.

But Mnute was so thin. And this guy from the Harlem Globetrotters, no memory of his name at all, was so thin. Yao broad shoulders. And the only other guy that I can compare him to in person, meeting them in person, was Mark Eaton. former Utah Jazz Center back in the Carl Malone John Stockton days, even like at the beginning of the Stockton Malone era. He was so built otherwise, wide and massive body.

I wonder if he made it. A lot of guys that big, they don't live very long. He passed away a few years. Did he really? Yeah. We must have talked about that, and I'd forgotten. Mark Eaton. 64. God dang it. What killed him? Oh, let's see. big old beard on him, Mark Eaton. Some folks said he looked like a lumberjack.

I'd say he looked like the whole lumberjack crew. I mean, he was just. Right. Boy, Carl Anthony Towns will always be this guy, I guess. It says here, the New York Knicks have reportedly talked to three separate teams about trading Carl. His entire career here in Minnesota, every two weeks there was a new trade rumor. Now he's getting the same treatment in New York. The Knicks are playing terribly,

and so people are wondering whether they'll deal. Carl Ski. Oh, here we go. Mark Eaton died ham sandwich nick. Oh, no. Got another one. Oh, God. No, sadly, it looks like a bicycle accident.

What? Oh. Could have been you, Randy. Yeah, Randy came close. It was a bicycle accident? Yeah, it says, No vehicle involved. He was just found unconscious in the road.

Can you see that some bitch trying to pedal a bicycle? It's got to be a gigantic bike, yeah. Oh, God. Well, I don't remember any of that. You would have thought that would have stuck with me because he was such a memorable player. Well, there's a lot going on in 2021. Oh, 2021 is 20? We mentioned this yesterday briefly, Golden State Warriors basketball.

basketball player Jimmy Butler suffered a torn ACL. He's done. Jimmy Bottles is all done. The San Francisco 49ers are being blamed by some sports fans. Now, we mentioned a week or two ago. The Niners are the most injured team in the NFL. That's been the case for multiple years. There's a conspiracy theory to back it up. We talked about the conspiracy theory that their practice field is next door to some kind of a power plant. and some scientists stepped up and said the waves and the power and it weakens their tendons and then they go out. Oh, good grief. It's all true.

So, as you know, the Niners season ended on Saturday when Sam Darnold beat him. And then two members of the Niners, Christian McCaffery and Kyle, Jesusabuzzi-Zak. Use check. Jus-Zek. Jus-Zak. Use check. They went to the. Warriors game and they sat

court side the same game where Jimmy Bucket's knee fell off and so what did you say? I said then they both pulled their hammies sitting there watching the game. Yes. So the word is that the bad luck from the 49ers was passed on to the Warriors.

That's hilarious. That's pretty good. I'm surprised somebody hasn't blamed Tibbs yet. Who? Tom Fibito. Sorry. He just used to get blamed for everything. Oh. Oh, Tibido was blamed for players' injuries?

Yeah, because people said he played starters too much. Was it on the same day that Mark Eaton died? Because there's a blank spot here where I... A lot of San Francisco sports fans are blaming the 49ers for Jimmy. Same old song and dance for the Golden Gopher dudes basketball team. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying. They play well enough to win, they come up short. Yeah, I mean, they just play their hearts out.

It's just they don't have enough. Well, they had the game won. How the kid blows the layup with four seconds left. I have no idea. There's goaltending there, maybe. Oh, yeah? If you watch the replay, yeah. I'll go along with Brad Ryder.

Goaltending. You knew once they went to OT, though, they were in trouble. Yeah, they run out of gas. Yeah, they just out of gas. I mean, they got three guys playing 41-plus minutes. It's just, I just don't know how you. You can sustain it all year. You just can't.

They lost in overtime in awful Columbus, Ohio, this Saturday. Former Half-Fast Morning Show member Fred Hoyberg and his number seven ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers Ball Club heads this way to play at the barn. Yep, that'll be a tough game too, man. Friggin' Fred. His kid's playing great. He thinks he's playing great.

He thinks he, no, I'm a big, we're all big. I mean, we all got to give the gophers credit, though. Oh, yeah. This has been a tough stretch. They've lost some really close games, and they have played their butts off. And they say whatever you want about Nico, but he's just been tremendous in getting these guys ready to play games. Yeah, the last three games they've lost on a buzzer-beater to Wisconsin and two over-time games. I mean, there's a lot of what-ifs in sports, but, I mean, you know, just think of what-if.

Some of those, what if they had their roster, what this could have looked like. If they would have won the ball games you just mentioned, Brad Ryder, they'd be the talk of college basketball right now. They'd be absolutely the talk of college basketball if some of these close games would have went their way. Don't disagree. Josh, it's prize picks is the product that stars Alan Iverson and some guy in a car. The listeners have filled me. Go prize picks.

Yeah, I found the commercial. I can't wait to watch it when we get off air here. I recognize that actor you're talking about. He's from a couple Apple TV shows. He's funny. There's one very funny line where Alan Iverson is driving. The actor, his friend, is in the passenger seat. And his friend says something about, hey, man, I've been trying to be more like you, AI.

and the line that gets me is the guy in the passenger seat says, I was thinking about tying my hair up in cornrows, but, you know, I got a sensitive scalp. Let me know if this is the right one. I may not know ball like you do AI, but now I don't need to. You just got to follow you on my prize picks feed, copy your lineup, and I'm in. So you just out here copy an ass? Always have, you know, copy the crossover, the sleeve.

Not cornrows, though. I got a sense of scalp. But the attitude? Don't. What you doing, man? I put a headband down. I told you to stay out of my stuff. I borrowed your toothbrush.

Is that okay? He starts to put on a headband. Iverson says, no, no, no, don't. The way he takes it off is even funny. That's good. Here's that Jimmy Garapolo news now. We've been talking about this since we cracked the mics at 5.30. Josh is a big Jimmy Garapolo fan.

Yeah. Best-looking human being of all. all time. You said that for the first time. I think you... Did he retire finally? No. No, no, no. That's just what he does. A couple weeks ago, you laid that down upon us, that Jimmy Garapelow is the most attractive person you've ever seen. Rams backup quarterback Jimmy Garapolo, if you did not know what he was doing for a living these days, I had no idea. He was still anyone's backup quarterback.

Right. This Sunday, Jimmy Garapolo will be on the ball field for his seventh career. Conference Championship game. Only the lunatic and Joe Montana have more appearances. What do you think about that, Josh? I don't know if I'd want to have that stat publicized if I was a backup quarterback, would you? There's no difference between the backup and the starter.

I think, yeah, I wouldn't want to deal with the fallout of that, all the crap I was going to get. His seventh career conference championship game. This guy's led the life. thought that one would have legs. Thought maybe that one would have... Well, I don't think there's any argument. He's led to life.

He's been a part of these championships necessarily wasn't out there getting his bell rung and still collecting a paycheck and still being a part of the process. So, yeah, good for him. How long do you think you've been... I think with all the injuries, well, the injury is the starting quarterbacks

that we've seen the last half of the year and in the playoffs. teams are going to start investing, teams are going to start investing even heavily, more heavily in their backup. I mean, not that it hasn't already happened, but they should. Yeah, and he's at least a proven guy. And boy, Josh, if you want to talk about a handsome pairing of quarterbacks, Matthew Stafford and Jimmy Garapolo, I don't think it gets any better than that, doesn't

Josh? That's just unfair to everybody else in the league. That is, that's like, that's the cream of the cross. There's a hell of a knifele tower right there. Heck yeah. You said it, pal. There'd be nothing left of you. They're both a little older, you know.

Much more experienced, yes. They've perfected their craft. I get where you're going. They've worked the kinks out. They'd leave nothing. They don't necessarily sit in the pocket all the time either. They can scramble a little bit. They still got legs.

How long do you think he'd even last with Jimmy Garabolo? Oh, I mean, I'd be going back to, like, my teenage years, I think. Yeah, I'd be quick. Reminds me of a buddy of mine. Warehouse plug, you know, blue-collar, warehouse, hard-on type of a character. Not the type of guy. who's going to be on the cover of any magazines anytime soon, right? I just had to throw this in there.

I just did a quick... Another pun, another football sex pun? On Jimmy Garapolo, and it says he does not have a wife and is currently single, though he's been linked to various women over the years. Yeah, I'm sure he has. I'm sure. That seems fair. Wasn't he notorious for dating some porn star for a stretch of time?

She had an ass like a $2 mule? That sounds right. Sartel Sheez says, It's like you don't know Sam Hartman exists. I'll be honest, I wasn't familiar with who that was. Never heard of him. He's a quarterback for the commanders.

I just looked him up. He was with the Vikings for a brief time. No, he wasn't. Oh, was he? Oh, let me see. I have no idea. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. He's good-looking dude.

No, Jimmy Garapolo, but. Yeah, he was, Garapolo was dangling with some porn queen for a while. So my warehouse, bro, nothing to look at, but somehow, some way, through his personality, landed a date with the hot front desk lady at the warehouse. She agreed to go out with him. And then not only did she agree to go out with him, she and my bro got physical.

Intimately? Yes, intimately physical. And I'll never forget when he told me the story. I was so excited for him because this was like the ultimate, you know, underdog story. Hot front desk lady, total plug in the warehouse. But they go out on a date and she's just all about him. And then he closed out the story by saying, dude, you would have thought I at least would have lasted four seconds.

Prosecutors in Florida have decided to drop the charges against Vikings' wide receiver Addison Jordan, who was arrested for trespassing earlier this month, okay? That's good, I guess. He'll try again soon. Gosh, he does have a track record. He sure does. I told him can figure it out. He was charged at first, well, he was accused at first,

for refusing to leave the hard rock noodle bar last week. Sounds delicious. It's hard to leave, Dana. Oh, man. Well, it wasn't VIP, it wasn't a strip club who was the noodle bar. At three in the morning. Right. Grown man at the noodle bar at 3 a.m.

The Los Angeles Chargers are expected to hire former Miami Dolphins head coach Mike McDaniel as the team's new offensive coordinator and ecstasy dealer. What's that tell you about the current job availability other than Buffalo that's out there right now? Mike McDaniel told the Cleveland Browns, no, I think I'll pass. I'll go work for the Chargers. Yeah, that is pretty embarrassing. Do I want to live in Cleveland or L.A.? Yeah, he's used that Miami drug Kingpin lifestyle.

He can't go live in Cleveland. Yeah. You know how I've mentioned before that, in my opinion, professional athletes are the most sensitive little cupcakes you'll ever meet. And here's more proof. Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Baker Mayfield took a swipe at New Atlanta Falcons Head Coach. Kenny Stefansky. Mayfield went after

Stefansky. You see, here's the deal. Stafansky was Mayfield's coach with the Cleveland Browns from 20 and 18 to 20 and 21. And Mayfield tweeted that he was, quote, still waiting on that text or phone call from Coach Stefansky after the Browns shipped him off like a piece of garbage. Can't wait to see you twice a year, coach. Oh, get over it. Yeah, keep that one yourself. Come on.

What a tool. They didn't give me the proper goodbye five years ago. Let it go. Yeah, that comes off a little crazy. By the way, we mentioned the lunatic a minute ago. Tom Brady, dangerous person, in my opinion. He wants Leonardo DiCaprio to play him in a movie. Well, yeah, I'd like Leonardo DiCaprio to play me in a movie too.

Yeah, what's your point? That doesn't work. He doesn't look anything like you. Maybe Leo 20 years ago. Yeah, aren't they like the same age? Probably. I have no idea. He wants. Oh, this is great.

I missed this on Monday night during that championship college football game. It says here that a Miami player punched an Indiana player in the yapper after the game was over. That's got to feel pretty good, but the kid's likely going to get in some trouble for that. They're running back. They're starting back. Hurricane's running back. Mark Fletcher. after the game was over, cameras were following this Fletcher guy around the ball field

and caught him getting into a heated jaw jacking match with an Indiana player by the name of Tyreek Tucker. And now this has been posted all over the soulless social media, Fletcher punching Tucker in the face and then continued to go after him. It wasn't a terribly devastating punch, but he got him. It says here it's unclear what prompted Fletcher to punch Tucker. I think we can all guess that Tucker guy was running his yap. I know what's wrong, but I think we can all admit it. Back when we were playing youth sports,

we can all admit that dumping a cheap shot always felt really good, didn't it? Of course. Oh, God, it felt good. But then there's usually trouble to follow. Can you think of a cheap shot that felt really good when you were playing ball, you know, playing as a young person? Dana, you ever kick a guy in the ass? Step on his nuts, something like that?

Yeah, I mean, most of mine, they weren't sneaky or anything like that. I would just straight, two-hand shove a kid if I was pissed off. Oh, wow. You said you were kind of a bit of an anger ball on the field. Yeah, lots, so many awkward car rides home with Not Mad, just disappointed. You embarrassed us parents in the front seats. I used to lay a lot of shoulders into people when I was a catcher. That was easier when they, you know, almost not paying attention because there's a play in the outfield and they come home.

Yeah. And just shoulder them quick. That's the thing. It always feels so frigging good. Yeah, it does. I plunked a guy on purpose once in high school. Good. You what?

Plunked is the word. What is that? Pitcher. Oh, okay. Oh. Did he charge the mound? No, he was running as a yap earlier in the game, so I decided I'm going to take care of it. Ashley didn't know what plunked meant.

No, it sounded sexual. Oh, okay, good. I was wondering what you thought that. I plunked a guy back in high school, Brad Reader said. He was experimenting. Randy, you never delivered one cheap shot? No, not that I can remember. Jesus, live a little, will you?

Yeah. I was always the one that people were trying to cheat shot. Easy target. Get the hot guy. I had a hockey coach who once said, hey, you know, when the clock is, we didn't lose many games, obviously. But if we were ever trailing by a goal or two and the clock's tick. down, the coach would say, hey, if you can't beat them, make sure they remember you. Yeah.

And then we'd go out there and dump some elbows. Always felt great. Let's be Dicks. Brewery in Indiana is going to up and give Hoosiers Football Coach a Kurt Signetti free beer for the rest of his life for winning that national. That was his comment right after the game. He was asked, what are you going to do to celebrate? He said, I'm going to drink a beer. He gave a direct shout-out, I guess, to this brewery.

Upland Brewing is the name of the joint. Okay. Good, funny. Gave him a shout-out after they won that ballgame. I knew the guy was a nerd. It says he limits himself to one single beer in night. What, do you want to live forever? So the guy was chirping at you, Brad, and you threw a heater.

Where'd you hit him? The back. Funny thing is, I ended up becoming pretty good friends with the guy. We got to know each other. Yeah. Later in life. Yeah. Speaking of baseball,

I got to admit that trying to follow who's going into the National Baseball Hall of Fame is one of the most difficult tasks involved in this occupation. You're not right. Because they make an announcement about now we're down to 75%. Now if they make this next cut, it'll be 50.

And the senior committee and the old, and it's just so hard to follow and it's so hard to determine when it's finally legit. So correct me if wrong, but it says here, Andrew Jones and Carlos Beltran are going into the Hall of Fame? That is correct.

I'm with Jeff Kent, who was voted in earlier, through the Veterans Committee or whatever it is. Yeah, I watched Demo Bue Network all last night, because I love this stuff. And watching the Beltron and Jones videos

and the discussions about those guys was fascinating. Those two guys, I mean, do we it's kind of hard to put some of these guys sometimes in the same context as willie mays sure you know it's it's hard um but their number especially Andrew Jones good Lord he was such a great player but he got lost in the shuffle of all the great players in Atlanta during the time period that he played um but both are deserving so only three will be going into Cooperstown in July Carlos Beltran left one of his testicles on the ball field. I got the right Beltran, don't I think so? I think so, yeah. No, no, wait a minute.

No, no, no, that's the third base. Adrian Beltray is who I'm thinking of. Sorry. Oh, yeah. He already went in. Yeah, Carlos Beltran, left-handed hitter, Mets, Royals. Yeah, okay. Astros, part of the scandal in Houston.

And Andrew Jones is probably one of the greatest fielding center fielders of all time. Ten gold gloves in center field. Yeah, he was a great player. At 19 years old, he hit two home runs in the World Series in his first two at bats

in the World Series at age 19. That's pretty impressive. Yeah, what the hell? Jeff Kent. If you don't know Jeff Ken, if you're a young person, look up Jeff Kent. He had the look at the look that all 21-year-olds are going for now? The mustache.

Oh, yeah. He looks great. 1995 Jeff Kent looks like what every 21-year-old looks like today. Am I right? Yeah, you're right on. Because he still can't get rid of the hilarious top-gun mustache. It's a mustache. And a guy, speaking of trade rumors,

a guy who's rumored to be traded from Word 1 finally was. And that's that Luis Robair Jr. of the Chicago White Sox was traded. to the Mets. Yep. So there you have it. There you friggin' go, Randy Shaver, and Brad Ryder. Josh, you ever dump

a cheap shot on anybody? No, but one time I thought of three compliments for a guy and only gave him one. I'm sure he still thinks about that. I bet he feels so slighted, too. I was pretty upset. God, I couldn't even get multiple compliments out of Josh.

Dude, this got dark. I got an extra gear sometimes. You once had three compliments at the ready for a guy you only gave him one. Yeah. I bet you've never ever physically hurt anybody, but you've probably hurt some feelings along the way. You're skilled like that. You don't show your evil side very often,

but I can see how you could... What's the word people say these days? serve somebody. No, that's not it. Pone? Pohn? Or is that not used any? Clap back, whatever the term is. Sing. What do they say it? There's a modern term. Everyone says. Ashley, you seem very

disappointed in me that I thought Poned was still a thing people said. Yeah, that's no. No, no, no. Oh, I can't think of it. This is going to bother me. It's all over social media. Oh, no. Cap now means lying. Yeah, we'll get back to this. We'll get back to this. Thanks, Randy and Brad.

You bet. You must have a wonderful. We'll return here in a few minutes on the 93X half-assed morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too.

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And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. This pot is about to be crazy. I don't even know what's going to happen. This is full send. It's just like a boy's scrap. Join the party. We threw like a spontaneous party.

Out of nowhere was crazy. And we pulled off a crazy prank. Prinks, parties, and viral culture at its wildest. Just seeing like the guys that you brought in and like seeing their different personalities and stuff. It's been entertaining, dude. This could be the greatest content build of all time, bro. The Full Send Podcast. Dude, let's get ready to rumble.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's do it. Have asked morning show, 93X. Burned, roasted, throwing shade. Those are the words I was looking for a few minutes ago when we were discussing what the modern terms are today for insulting someone. Throwing shade, I've heard that as a newer one. Yes. I guess that's still been around for a while.

Yes. Burned and roasted. You say that in iceboard. Really? Yeah. Jesus. I've never heard about... Boom, roasted.

Thank you. That was how it played out? Yeah. Burn, certainly. Burned. Some salve for that burn. You ever heard that one? I have.

Thank you for your text messages. It was killing me. I couldn't think of the modern terms for insulting someone. Welcome back to the FN program. Appreciate all that. All right. Tell me now, each of you, individually, Cubby, Smashley, Danil. What is your field of expertise?

I know it's a serious, sounding, scary question. Don't let it intimidate you. And don't be shy. What is your field of expertise? Go. Cooking. Cooking is your field of expertise. You're a wonderful cook.

Yeah. That's a good one. What is your signature dish? Chicken Piccata. Chicken what? Chicken picata. I don't know what that is. It's kind of like a lemon caper cream sauce over chicken that's seared on the stove top.

You know how to make a Ruben? Yeah, I can make you a good Ruben. Josh, what is your field of expertise? Audio production? I'm all right. You're more than all right, dude. Come on. I'd have to agree with that.

over I don't know I can't say I'd be an expert on anything I like a lot of stuff you like stuff do you yeah I'm you know try and learn a few things

here or there I'd say I'm definitely not an expert anything let's go with audio technology I mean I know you're I like technology you want to know why he can't answer Dana why because he humble

I'm just more real I can't say I'm an expert at anything Dana I'd say some just general dork culture of knowledge of old school video games and movies and things like that. If we be personally, I guess I'd just say the 80s. Sure. My field of that.

Where do you make of this? I'll try anything four times Jesus said my field of expertise. Definitely masturbation. Gotten pretty good at it, huh? I wonder how many times he's tried it. What's his name again? I'll try anything four times Jesus. He's tried at least four times.

Feel free to text in and text in and tell you. Tell us your field of expertise. Star Wars, someone texted in Star Wars. Okay. What do you make of this? No wonder we're so hated worldwide. The average American's top field of expertise is reality show drama. Reality show drama, that's the average American's top area of expertise.

Yeah, I can't say I know much about any of it. I've never outside, I mean, cops, I guess. I don't know if you call it. It's probably not a reality show because a reality show you think of like following families. Oh, I did watch John and Kate Plus Eight. Oh, God, I hated that show. Did you? Yeah.

I actually kind of got into it. Did you? Yeah. Tell me their story. Well, it's John. And then he marries Kate. Right. And they have eight kids.

On purpose? On purpose? At one time? I shouldn't say on purpose. But they did like in vitro and they had a lot of kids. In one push? No, it was a couple pushes as far as I know. Dag.

So yeah, that's the only reality TV show I've gotten into. Or do you count HGTV like Property Brothers? I used to kind of watch that stuff. Yeah, you love those goofy. Homes on home. Remodeling shows. It's been a while for me, but I used to get Dateline. So that's what I guess when I think reality TV, I think it'll like Survivor or the Kardashians.

Yeah, same here. And I've never been into that. kind of thing. I knew that we here in general loved reality television. I didn't know it would become the average Americans' top field of expertise.

I guess a lot of us know a lot of this and that about multiple reality shows. What's that now? My daughter watches all that garbage. It's just vapid nonsense in my opinion, but she loves it. She knows everything

about all of it. I don't really like watching people fight. I like to. Yeah, that's the part that's fun. And it seems like that's all it is. I love fights. And the people that love the reality shows, like the dating, like the housewife shows, those types of ones where they're always fighting and stuff, people will break it down and have the conversation as if they actually know these people. It's kind of off-putting sometimes. Do you want to know the last thing I heard before I fell unconscious last night? What? I heard the wife say to the dog, come on, Gertie, we got to watch real housewives. my wife watches, all that stuff.

There's so many of those that are popular that I haven't even heard of. It's crazy how... The fact that it's become our top field of expertise is really interesting to me. I walk through the room once in a while and catch some of that real housewife stuff, and they don't put on a lot of clothes. No. So I'll hang around for 45 seconds to maybe at tops one minute. Okay, here's what else we here.

in America feel we excel at topics, different things that we excel at to the point where we call it, you know, call ourselves experts. And this is right along the lines with reality TV show drama if you ask me. Many of us consider ourselves experts on social media trends. I'm pretty behind. It used to be more into social media than you are not. Yeah, exactly. I think it's just age. I know like some stuff that goes on, but there's, my niece is 13. Oh gosh, I hope I got that right. Or else she's going to give me so much crap.

I think it's 12. But anyway, it doesn't matter. She will tell me about something that's going on on social. And I'll be like, what, what is that? What is what? You're doing what? What's popular? Next on the list is a little more grounded and real than television and social media.

next up a lot of Americans consider themselves experts at home improvement or do-it-yourself projects I wish I was I'm trying to get there I mean there's like little things that I want to be able to do that I can't even do I wish I was better at that kind of thing yeah I also wish I had a little deeper skill set when it came to fixing things around the house but at the same time I'm kind of happy that I am not not an expert, so my telephone never rings. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, people aren't asking you to help do anything. I don't know how some of my

bros can stand it. The ones who are very skilled with electricity, putting up a wall, doing this to a floor, building a room. I don't know how they keep their patience because their phone is always ringing.

What else are we experts at around here? Trending music. Nah We love the hot new hits We love we're experts at music I'm embarrassingly bad at it For someone who works at a radio station

That primarily plays music Right To the point where I kind of hope That our boss never gets mad at me for it There'll be some band I never heard of Dude we've been playing that for two years He'll get over it He'll get over it

We're his friggin meal ticket We are experts at obscure facts About movies and TV shows And that's fun. Yeah, that's fun. I'm the worst at that. I'll tell you, I like watching TV, obviously. But there's sometimes the main, I get embarrassed because I'm like, oh, what's the main character's name?

I don't even know. Yeah. I guess I must barely pay attention or something. I suck at that stuff too. I don't know why. Oh, I thought you, especially you, Dana, were excellent at that kind of thing. Like older stuff, new stuff, like when we're watching a show now, I can never remember anybody's names. Okay, so I'm not alone?

No. I mean, like, I don't count Game of Thrones and stuff like that. Right. They all sound the same. There's too many. There's too many shows that just come and go that it's impossible to remember. Exactly. That's my problem.

I watch too much. I love that some of you know a lot of movie quotes. I do. I just have one rule. It can't be all you add to a conversation, though. That drives me nuts. You ever been in that situation where you and a group of friends are hanging out and all anyone is doing is trading movie quotes back and forth.

Yeah, that can be frustrating. Come on. Give me something from you. I go nuts from that. There's a fine line when it comes to movie quotes. I got a buddy that every once in a while he'll text in like an obscure 80s rock star, and I love that. He'll text me something like, hey, what are you up to, Blasolias or something like that?

He'll call just some, like, sometimes I have to Google it. consider myself pretty versed in 80s rock. I loved it, and I used to read all the magazines and everything from like the type of strings a guitar player used to use when I was really into it. And he can get me a couple of times. Blas Elias, former drummer from Slaughter, or as they're known in the rock world, S laughter. I remember Blas Elias. I know a girl who he doinked her.

Oh, did he? Yeah. I could see the appeal for her. Okay. We Americans are experts at obscure facts and obscure facts about movies and TV shows. We're also experts at other general trivia. Next up, history. History.

We know a lot. I don't know as much as I'd like to every time I sit down and play Trivial Pursuit. I actually was just searching for books the other day that would have kind of like a dummy's book that would have all the history you should know. I'd like to revisit some of that. I didn't like history in school. And now I'm much more interested in there. There were certain aspects that I did enjoy. I enjoyed talking about wars.

Well, yeah, World War. That's everybody's favorite. World Wars. Everybody loves to learn about that. And the dark historical stuff, as I've mentioned a few times. Now I love dark historical stuff. But you know where I struggle like a sunbitch geography? And the wife actually got a world map out the other day and put it in front of me.

So I was... Oh, that's good. I have a globe you could use, too, if you want that. We were playing Trivial Pursuit, and I showed, I proved that I didn't have... I had absolutely no idea where Nicaragua was. And she was so frustrated with me, she busted out a world map and started pointing out countries and whatnot. Well, you bring up Biafra a lot, and there is no Biafra anymore. There is no Biafra?

I'm pretty sure that was only a thing for a little bit there. I didn't expect to learn that on January 21st, 2006. No such thing anymore? I don't believe so. We know a lot about health and fitness in this country. Do we? That's according to this survey. And we know a lot about saving monies.

Speaking of reality television show, we've got to get to this before we exit. The Half-Ass Morning Show, 93X. Josh, do you remember a few minutes ago we were talking about our fields of Expertise. Yeah. That wasn't that long ago. The number one answer for Americans. The majority of Americans said their current field of expertise is reality television show drama.

And we're going to get to reality shows again here in just a minute. But what else did we cover? Oh, yeah. Okay. So, yeah. Our fields of expertise. Ashley said cooking. I said the 80s.

Dana said dorky, retro, quirky stuff. Josh said. fisting. Here's a guy who texted in his field of expertise. This is amazing. He said, when I sit down and watch a porno, he says, every time, I swear to God, every time, I know right when the guy's about to pop. And he says, and he gets it right, and he always says to everyone else in the room.

He says, see, told you. Everybody else in the room. This guy's about to get way right here. I'm telling you. That's a good skill. Yeah. All right. Reality television.

None of the four of us in the room are terribly enthusiastic about it, but some effing folks, they just can't get enough. Can't get enough. It's become our field of expertise in the United States. Here are some of the most ridiculous, stupid reality shows that actually, according to what I'm reading here, made it to television. Here or I think there's one that only aired in the ridiculous United Kingdom. Stupid, awful.

Are You Hot? Was the name of one reality show. Contestants who thought they were hot got put in front of a panel of judges, and the judges would tell them whether they were hot or not. So it's basically just a television version of that website from back in the day. I'd imagine. I mean, it's around the same time.

Yeah. So I'd imagine it's probably exactly that. I dumped more fives than 20. 25 football teams like high five that's your I boy I dumped a lot of

fives on those people because I didn't want to make them and I don't want to turn them into arrogant animals but they didn't want to be mean about it either when I was on hot or not dot com I dumped a lot of fives I know what you mean here's a show called seven

you want seven did not be too mean but not be too you don't want them to get all wild yeah so whenever somebody like you know has rated me in the past. Like 1 through 10 and they say 7. I'm like, hmm. Oh.

You think they're just being nice. Yep. Benefit Street. I don't understand. This was a British television show about welfare recipients who refused to work and they ran around committing crimes. I don't understand a word of what I just said to you.

Yeah, I'm a little confused too. They, I'm assuming they're not telling them to commit crimes. I have no. Yeah, I don't get it. There was a show called black white where a white family and a black family traded places with the help of body makeup and prosthetics to see how the other half lived. It was produced by Ice Cube.

Born in the wild. This reality show focused on couples who choose to have their children born in the wilderness. Is that something you ever considered, Ashley? Not for a single second. What? No. How boring, by the way. How do you get somebody to tune into more than one episode, if even just one?

Born in the wild, we choose to birth all of our children in the wilderness. There's a shot of some trees and mountains in the background and then a splash. That's beautiful. And that's it. And then dad's gnawing at the umbilical cord. A kid nation. And someone even texted a few minutes ago when we teased this subject, the worst. stupidest, most ridiculous reality shows.

Someone even texted in and said, Kid Nation better be in this report. Yes, children, ages 8 to 15, were dropped into an empty town devoid of adults and charged with building a functioning society. A little Lord of the Fly's action there. Oh, I loved that when I was younger. That book?

Yep. Yeah, I did too. Scared the heck out of him. A friend of mine's son was in the movie. This is the first of these bizarre, ridiculous reality shows that I recognize. I recognize this title and this idea that they went through with. And didn't this turn into just a dangerous mess?

Does anyone else have any information on them? Okay, I thought I read that they went ahead with this. They put a bunch of kids in a dirty town and said, it's all yours. and it just turned into an absolute repulsive disaster and kids got sick and parents were furious even though they were the ones who agreed to have their children dumped into a dirt town

and it was a reality show going for a while called the pickup artist. Oh, God, I remember that show was so stupid. You do. I don't remember that. Uh-huh. It was on VH1, this dude who just dressed like the absolute biggest tool would teach nerdy guys how to approach women at bars. He called himself, Dana, this self-proclaimed pickup professional. Eric Mystery is his nickname.

Eric Mystery Von Markovic. But they said his methods came off as manipulative and predatory. The Swan. Back to the pickup artist. They show Criminal Minds. Ashley, you watched that. Yes, I love Criminal Minds. They had an episode that kind of made fun of this guy.

And boy, he was even extra douchey on that. All right, I missed that one. The Swan was a reality show where supposedly ugly women's underwent transformations that included extensive plastic surgery, and then they competed against each other in a pageant. I remember seeing previews for that. That sounds so evil. It does. Come on in, tubby.

You know, come on in. Come on in there, good looking, and everyone's laughing, right, as she walks in the room. Okay, we'll fix you. What the hell is the matter with people? Who's your daddy? Oh, wow. Anyone? Who's your daddy?

I don't remember that one. No. Long time ago, 20 years ago. So stupid. Contestants adopted as infants had to pick. had to pick, predict their biological fathers out of a group of men. Oh, my God. How do you come up with this idea?

And how does it get from just an idea to actually be a concept that is filmed? You're right. There's a lot of steps that has to go through before it becomes a reality television show. Maybe not as many steps as there should be. Yeah. Adopted young people, walk into a room, there's five, six dudes, standing there. And through a process, they have to predict which one is their real dad. What kind of process does it say? No, it does not. If they guessed right, they got a cash prize.

If they were wrong, the real dad got the money. That's not right. And he's gone all over again. They show him driving out of there. And he rolls Royce and he gives the middle finger. I win. I win again. You're not my problem. and I got the money. That's so messed up. So you got the real dad in the room for this reality show, and you got the fake dads, likely actors, right? I'd love to see that on a resume.

Right. What kind of roles have you had? I played a fake dad on Who's Your Daddy back in 2005. I pretended like I was this young person, a real, supposedly real adopted. I pretended like I was their dad. I fooled him. the real dad got the money

and then I moved on to, I was an extra on two and a half men and then Josh, next on the resume he was one of the people who act really overly excited at the Super Bowl halftime show. I had that on my resume.

If that's the case, you know they're good looking. They always do that, right? They put it up front just to put these models in there. Oh, yeah. Oh. I mean, you already got somebody that's probably you know, pretty upset about their situation. And that's even worse.

I can't. How do you victimize people more? I can't picture that. That's so freaking horrible and stupid. That's so bad. It's got to be you, right? Donnie. You're my dad.

Right, Donnie? No. It's actually Harold over here. Nope. Harold talks a briefcase full of money under. I don't love you. Yeah. See you later.

Well, we got to say see you later. Before we go, a shout out to Randy at O'Malley's Irish Pub and Woodbury. We appreciate you being a part of the Brotherhood. And happy birthday to Killer Jesus from Show Your Boobes, win a balloon Jesus. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

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