93X Half-Assed Morning Show - I Got Your Nose!

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

Originally Aired  September 21, 2026: Dating Doctor P. Movie theater mace fight. Everything you've ever wanted to know about a Mountain Dew relapse.  Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to brass tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheating.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-assed morning show. 90. 93. That's enough of all that fun and relaxation. We've got to go ahead and get in there. Welcome, folks. Welcome to the 93X half-ass morning show by damn.

She was a hell of a weekend. A hell of a weekend. There was a boat party. There was a live concert loaded with satanic themes. It was about a... all I could handle. First off, thanks everyone for making it out to our latest boat party. That was another fun one for sure.

Last Friday, we cut loose with another Rock the River Booze Cruise type of a thing, and she turned out all right. The weather was perfect. Sure, the weather could have been nicer. Sure, the people could have been nicer. But all in all, a great turnout. I don't think the weather could have been nicer. That's exactly how I like it.

Hell of a good time. It was a lot better than we were told it was going to be. We were told monsoon and sure it rained a little bit, but it wasn't bad at all. We want to thank the folks from the live band Rock Brigade who put on a, they put on a hell of a show. A lot of great comments about those guys. They were so wonderful. What were they saying? What were people saying?

That they were awesome. Oh. And they're upset that they hadn't seen them before. Oh. Yeah, we thanked them for coming. They sounded good. Yeah, I wandered over there and listened to. a handful of their songs.

And yeah, they did not disappoint at all. The lookout in Maple Grove, thank you to those folks for providing the food. Although next time we put on one of these boat parties where it's catered like last Friday, I want to strongly suggest that folks eat before they come to the event. The line was too long.

A lot of you were taking way too much food at one time for one person. Let's make a new rule next time. all listeners must eat before they come to the party. You did police that. You were telling people you should have ate before you came. Why didn't you eat before he came? You told one guy he took too much macaroni and cheese.

It was unbelievable. It was a lot of macaroni. Did he have four or five stray dogs on the boat that he was feeding? Why did he take that much mac and cheese? Eat before you come to the party. I was first in line. That's smart. I saw them loading up.

I got up and people were like, oh, are you going to be first? So they're like, yeah, get behind me. See, I like to wait a little bit. I like to give myself a good buzz before I eat anything. You know what I mean? You got to drink four or five beers before. The one guy, you saw the mac and cheese. It was a lot.

It was really good mac and cheese. He seemed embarrassed. I thought the weight were, I thought the weight of the mac was going to crumble the plate. I thought it was just going to disintegrate right there, that pile of mac and cheese he had. No, the lookout, they brought good plates. They did. All right. So next time, folks are going to promise that they eat before they show up.

Thank you to paddle for riverboats for another beautiful ride. We went this way and then we came back. And thanks to Anytime Bail Bonds for sponsoring the party. You know what I noticed about Anytime Bail Bonds? Since day one, they've sponsored 93X. They've been on all the booze crews. They don't age. Have you noticed that?

Like any memory I have of what they look like, it has not changed. They look the exact same from day one. You know, now that you bring it up, what's their secret? You're exactly right. Maybe they are the undead. It could be. You're right.

The couple. You following? Yeah. That's what you're talking about. The ones we've seen every single boat cruise. That couple who runs the joint. Yeah, for whatever reason, they're ageless in their appearance. So it was a hell of a deal.

It was. Yeah. Thanks for everybody that came up and gave us your time talking to us. There's a few people who said there were first-timers. Actually, you know what? There was more than a few people who said that, which was cool. Oh, dude. Just to meet some new people.

People knew Jesus and Jesus is. We got, where'd this text go? Oh, here's somebody said they brought their wife who doesn't even listen to the radio, and she had a great time at that thing. So that's fun. Met a guy at one point or another on Friday's Rock the River Cruise. Met a guy, 37 years old. And he tells me he has nine children.

Oh, my gosh. How many women? Did he say how many women? I believe it was from two different women's. Only two. I would have expected more. Did you ask him about twins? I didn't. My jaw dropped to the floor. I couldn't speak. There's got to be at least one pair in there, right? Maybe next time you can ask him.

Young guy yet, like I said, 37. Very, very nice guy. said some very kind things about this year radio show. He asked me if he could have my hat. I was wearing a half-ass morning show hat. He asked me if we could trade. Can we trade hats? And I said, and then I cut myself up

because I noticed he was wearing a Vikings hat. I said, if you were wearing a better hat, maybe I would. Yeah, you don't want that. He wanted my half-ass morning. 37 years old, nine children. That's insane. I might have made that trade, but I know you're not a Vikings fan.

I could see you wearing it sarcastically, like if they had a really bad year or something. What was it? It was a few years ago. You might have made that trade. Oh, yeah, depending on the hat. Sometimes it seems like football hats suck more than a lot of other sports. Like sometimes they're just outrageous.

They seem getting better now, but I think you've noticed that or maybe commented on that in the past as well. Or sometimes they're some of the ugliest hats. Yeah, they can make some ugly hats. I forget what years, many years ago, though, I was wearing a twins hat. An old Viking Matt Burke told me I was brave for wearing that because of the season the twins were having. Yeah. He's not as smart as he thinks he is.

He thinks he's pretty bright. And then there was Saturday night. By God, Josh, Iron Maiden. The top two concerts I've ever been were Iron Maiden, followed by Iron Maiden. Just when you thought the greatest metal band to have, ever live couldn't possibly get any greater. They upped and did it. They were pure perfection Saturday night.

I've seen Maiden many times in concert. And I always walked away more than satisfied. But this past Saturday, that was the greatest performance I've ever seen from them. Me too. I mean, and I was with a couple friends, one of whom has seen them five times and said it's the best time. he's ever, and he's seen them since the 80s, right? And he said it's the best time, or best performance he'd ever seen. They had just a cool set.

And what was cool about that is, you know, walking around, there's plenty of 93x listeners. And we had an opportunity to talk to several of them. And they'd say, hey, these are my kids, first concert. Or they've been to one concert before I wanted to make sure they say Iron Maiden why they could. A few people text in this morning and said, their kids are brand new Maiden fans. What a fun show that was.

The joint was sold smooth out. Yeah, I mean, it was flawless. Bruce Dickinson defies time. I don't get where he has the energy. I don't know where he gets it. I don't know where he can still draw from to hit the notes that he does from 40 years ago. The entire band, I was speechless. It was emotional for me at times.

They were so good. Did you guys stay for the whole shebang? Yeah, of course. I wouldn't walk out. If I walked out on Iron Maiden, Ashley, I give you permission to kick me in the nuts. And how late did it go? I don't know. 10.30-ish, 11?

I can't remember either. It doesn't even matter. That just proves how late they were. You didn't even care what time you were getting out of there. Usually and I, Josh whine. Josh and I do whine a lot about things going too late. I have no idea what time. Didn't pay attention, didn't care.

Don't care. If he, I mean, the encore, I think went aces high, Fear of the Dark and Wasted years. I can't imagine if you would laugh. And I told you that's the, especially if you're the dark, I can't imagine you'd be gone. And I think Bruce Dickinson had somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 costume changes as he does. It was such a production. We were talking about it last week, Dana and Ashley, how even if you're not a fan,

you'll become a fan after watching these guys with what a great show they put on. So much theatrics. Just beautiful. Absolutely awesome. And then Megadeth, Legends up on stage before that. Oh, yeah, Megadeth was there too. Yeah, they were. Dave was great, it's just his voice was not.

But I was, I mean, Dave was so grateful for the crowd. I mean, this is supposedly their last run. For kind of a tough cremogen, he did seem emotional and very genuine and appreciative. He did. It didn't seem like lip service at all. It seemed like he really appreciated people coming out to see them. And I know that his voice struggled. Everybody who was there could tell that Dave was struggling.

Even speaking seemed difficult. But he's been through a lot. His singing style is just, his singing style isn't something you can do forever. And if you listen to Megadeth, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I get it. You're just not going to be able to push that kind of evil forever. There's a shelf life on that.

I love that band. And if that was it for them, fair enough. They're also an all-timer. Thank you, Megadeth for all the years of, great metal. There'll never be another Megadeth. There'll never be another Dave Mustaine. So that was just a perfect

night. So I think I'm putting a lid on it, Josh. I'm done with concerts. You're going to finish out strong? You were telling me that Saturday night. This is it. That's it. I don't blame you. I might be as well. Although that venue is such a draw. It is beautiful. It'll be hard

for me not to... Well, here's how I categorize it. Sure, my wife now, when it again until one of us dies. My wife's going to want to probably go out and see Toto or Air Supply or Duran or Don't. I'll probably go along with her. This is the last of my concerts. Yeah, outside of, I mean, I...

Outside of Medina Ballroom. I'll go watch the Little River Band or so, because it's a mile from my house. That's a walk for you. This is the last of the big hard rock metal concerts for me. I could see, you know... Because why not end on an extremely... highly high note. Bruce Dickens, speaking

of high notes, Bruce Dickinson, who can hit him still at his age, he kept talking about can you believe it the band's been around 50 years?

I could see them performing another 50. It didn't look like they slowed down whatsoever. No. He can still do it. They're inhuman.

Him and Sammy Hagar. Study those guys. You have to study them. How can they still do it at their age? God dang. So I think that's it for me.

Hey, that's not a bad way to go out. Unless, of course, you end up in Japan somehow, That's a total different story. Yeah, we could see Mr. Big, I guess, a couple times in a row. Sold off shows, of course.

I'd love for one of you to come up with how, in God's name, I would ever end up in Japan. You know, I know how? What the hell would happen? How would I get there? There's a couple regulars on the boat Friday night. They're headed to Japan, and I guess they do this. This is the second year in a row. They're going, and they invited us.

Oh. He's like, you guys want to go? I thought, well, that might be kind of tough. They're going there for what? They're going there for an anime convention. They've gone there. What was the convention they went to last year? Shoot, they told me.

But they're going there and said, hey, you guys should join us. We could go watch Mr. Big a few nights in a row. So sweet. Well, Christ. They're heading off to Japan, huh? Because of a convention they like. That is so cool that they can just, yeah, pop on over there. Duck Butter Jesus has texted into the show.

He was at Iron Maiden and Megadeth Saturday night. and he asked his girlfriend, Jessica, he said, what do you take away from the show? Maybe she was a first-timer, I don't know. But Duck Butter Jesus asked his girlfriend, Jessica, what'd you make of it? And Jessica said, it kind of looks like Bruce was bulging. I noticed that as well.

Yep. She's talking about his wad? He's got a big British weaner. So it's natural? It's not stuff in the crotch? I can't imagine. him faking anything. So you and Duck Butter, Jesus' girlfriend, Jessica,

were looking at Bruce Dickinson's package. Well, there was a couple of camera shots that were right on it. I didn't, I did not notice. Yeah, it was right in my face in a way. I didn't notice his, as you put it, big British weiner. Is that what you said? That's what I said. No, I, okay.

If they come back to town, if Maiden comes back, maybe you ought to go with this Jessica gal. So you guys can talk about it. You guys can be pecker checkers all night long. Jessica, I noticed that too. Dave Murrah, not so much. Bruce is packing them. Steve Harris, he looks like he's doing all right.

I'm sure he'd be pretty gifted. Yonik Gers. Now that guy, he likes to move around. Adrian Smith. And I don't know the drummer's name. I should. He replaced Nico a while back. Simon Dawson.

Simon Dawson. Yeah. That sounds made up. He's in Steve Harris's side project, British Lion. Dude. It does not sound like he. He plays the drums. He's incredible at the drums.

So I made an announcement that I think that's my final hard rock metal show. Big grand, you know what I mean? Like stadium show. I still, I can't deny my draw to Medina ballroom. I love that joint. And every once in a while, they have a James, otherwise known as more anxiety than Hare Jesus says that Bruce Dickinson measures in at 6.66 inches long. It's the number of the beast, Josh.

It is the number. They told us about that Saturday. It's the one for you and me. I have the fire. I have the force. I have the power to make my evil take its course. Okay. What was I say?

A listener, okay, so I mentioned that this is going to be my last big, massive stadium hard rock metal show. Why not end on a high note? But a listener says, well, but what if Motley crew has a final tour. You can't miss that. Good point. It'll be the last opportunity to see him for sure. Oh, God. Yeah, oh, I can't deny that if Motley Crew. You were saying, Ashley? Ah, the number of the beasts on. Song. Sorry. I've been trying to work on that. No, you haven't. It's really showing. You're not showing the hard work.

But do they do, like, don't they have like a really cool intro? Yes. Did they do the cool intro that you like so much? Affirmative. They never miss out on, woe to the earth and sea, that whole bit. That's so cool to me. I mean, Power Slave, that's the one that maybe grabs me

more than any of the others. I mean, rhyme of the ancient Mariner. People are texting in some of the songs they love. Power Slave, when Bruce emerges above the stage and he has that kind of bird mask that he's been wearing for 40 years when he's seen. I got a lot of pictures. The fireballs that pop up and tell me why I have to be a power slave.

F me running. It was just beautiful. Team Busted Jesus was at the show, and he says he has a black eye from those crotch shots of Bruce. Yeah, the camera person I think was interested as well. Shattered a lens. I feel stupid now. I'm the only one in the ballpark that didn't notice Bruce Dickinson's brajole. Yeah, it was cool. Cool people, cool atmosphere, and just two incredible bands. Legends up on stage Saturday night. Yeah, no question.

about it. What a great night. Oh, wow. All right, so I guess next up for us is the Border Bash. Yeah, we're just a couple weeks away. Yeah. Heading over to Wiscoe here. When the hell do we get there? The 9th.

October 9th. Friday, October 9th. No, we get there the night before, don't we? No, it's all on the 9th. We don't get there the night before? Well, you can if you want. All right. Friday, October 9th, Border Bash, Wisco, Turtle Lake Casino.

Go to 93X.com for more info. We show up, we do this, that, drinking, have something to eat, make some bets. On the 9th, we have our first ever, how do you call it afternoon broadcast? First time ever. I think we start that pig at two or three in the afternoon. I'm like nervous excited about that. You are nervous excited. I'm very excited because it's cool to like do something.

different and to not have to wake up at, you know, 4 a.m. But nervous because, I don't know, I feel like the vibe is just going to be different. It could be. It's going to feel weird sitting down with you guys at that time. It'll be nice that folks will be awake and not look miserable during that morning broadcast. Just waiting for that bar to open. I mean, I love the idea of not getting up in the morning, for Christ's sake. Absolutely.

But you know what? It's maybe we might have to tweak this. What should say here? afternoon broadcast Friday in the sports book beginning at 3 p.m. That's usually when I nap. So we might have to go back to doing a morning program. Well, you won't be getting up early that day. It doesn't matter.

I always nap. Oh, even if you sleep in? Oh, yeah, yeah. You hit that age? Yeah, so. Well, we'll get back to you folks on this. Maybe there'll be some. I don't ever like the, I can't miss my nap.

Some technical difficulties that day. I mean, there's probably an 80% chance. It won't work. So maybe we won't go on the air at all? It's very possible. Come on out of the casino. There might be a broadcast. If not, we'll just hang out.

Yeah, let's hang out. Oh, Christ. What is it today? Monday? It is. You know, people are telling me all about shows that I don't want to miss in the future, you know, since I've claimed I'm out. I've claimed no more big heart rock and metal shows I've been doing it for too long. I saw the perfect act Saturday night.

I kind of wanted to stop on a high point, but now people are telling me about the Striper show and they're telling me about the Guar show. So it's going to be tough. There's going to be temptation. Talk about two different ends of the spectrum there, Guar and Striper. Wouldn't that be something if those two toured?

Yes, it would. Broadcasting at 3 p.m., stoned pirate Jesus has texted in. The crowd's going to be hammered. Yeah, could be. Probably. That's fine. Because the party starts a few hours before that. Yeah, that's fine.

Get them hammered. I don't give a rat's ass if they're high, drunk. That'll make it more fun for everybody. Yeah, whatever. That's easy entertain drunk people. That's fine by me. What else is going on? Did I miss anything else over the weekend, Cubby?

Yeah, that was it. I mean, it was a lot stuffed into a little bit. bit of time. It was. Two great nights, though. Nick, you'll appreciate this, I think. I went to a wrestling show at 1029 and northeast last yesterday

afternoon, and guess who was there? All right, live, local wrestling. One of the best ways you can spend your time. Absolutely. You wanted me to guess who was there. I'm guessing he wasn't local. No, not local.

You got to give me some hints. I mean, the options are endless. I think Irish. Okay, I'm going to go with. with Seamus. No. Then I'm going to go with Fit Finley. Think shorter than that. Then I'm going to go with Hornswoggle.

Hornswoggle. I was going to guess Hornswag. Yeah. Just as a sarcastic guess. He was really there. He was really there. He was fantastic. I got to take a photo with the man.

His real name's Dylan. Cannot have been nicer. Just very friendly. And it was a blast to watch him live. Now, isn't he a Wisconsin native? Yes, I believe so. Now to think about it. Yeah.

I thought I had heard that he's in the area. Mm-hmm. and Ashkosh. That's where he's from. And I hear he, you know, he makes the rounds. He likes to go out and meet football. Well, that's so wonderful. Does he still do the whole gimmick?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. You know, the frog splashes that move that you got the top rope, but he's a short person, so he calls it the tadpole splash. Right. And he beat up that punk Darren Corbyn, so he always loved to see that too. Darren Corbyn is a punk. Mm-hmm. And yeah, I liked it.

I always preferred it. And I know that there was some kind of political correctness that came into play here. But I like when Hornswoggle made his debut. And his ring name was Little Bastard. I understand that wasn't acceptable after a certain amount of time. Anyone else that we know on the card? 10-29 bar. Yeah, open to Northeast.

Yeah, I've been there once or twice. A lot of local guys like as the Darren Corbin, Mr. Williams, who's a school teacher. He's a very strict school teacher. He plays a phenomenal character. I'm not sure if I'm, if I've seen Mr. Williams. Yep, but it was overall, it was a very fun night. That's great. Fun afternoon of wrestling.

That's great to hear. 1029, they had a big tent set up. It was outside. The weather was perfect for it. It was just a fantastic day of local wrestling. I'm glad you went and did that. Yeah, me too. Was Bruce Dickinson in there?

You want. It would have been better if he was. Oh, I would have noticed. that dong, Josh. Ah, man. Yeah, people are telling me, you know, Journey's coming to town. I do love Journey.

Yeah, me too. The Smashing Pumpkins. God, that's one of your favorites. Yeah, see, I can't get enough of the Smashing Pumpkins. Well, Billy Corgan, he could have shown up at that wrestling event. He loves wrestling. Oh, he does, yeah. Yeah, we had a really good talk with him about wrestling.

Yeah, we don't want them in our group anymore. We don't. Right, Josh? Corgan? Yeah, we don't want him. Well, Dana and I, like, in the wrestling community, we don't want it. Oh, you don't want to? Us in the community, Josh.

I'm kidding. He seems like a nice guy. You're right. Well, he didn't he run? He was the... Yeah, he owned something. Owned or managed a wrestling stable there for a while. It's been a while since I kept up with Billy's Corrigan.

So there you go. Randy Schaver and Brad Ryder will be stopping by a little bit later. They'll want to talk about yesterday's football game. Dr. P. He'll be in. studio today. Oh yeah, I forgot. I was given two things to give to Dr. P. this morning. This is on the boat. A young, attractive lady came up to me and said, please give this to Dr. P. And I said, all right. And she said, you can open if you like. And it was a note. Simply had her

name and phone number on it. And within that note, there was one single condom. And she said, make sure he knows he missed out by not being here Friday night. Wow. So Dr. P might get some. She has an STD or something? She wants some Dr. P. P. But yeah, the condom, though, that leads me to believe that she might have something contagious. Well, she might be worried he has something. Oh, I suppose.

Or maybe she doesn't want to get pregnant with a little doctor baby running around or something. I don't know. He's too old to get anybody pregnant. Do you think so? I don't know. We've seen, like, but they're celebrities. They have, like, special tools and, like, mechanisms. But we've seen some old dudes knock up some young girls before.

That's a good point. That's not natural. What do you call it? What do you call this, Josh? That's not natural. That's not regular intercourse? No, that's... Insemination?

Like you said, instruments and doctors and whatnot. Yeah, I mean, Dr. P? Dr. P. finally, after all these years, he might date a girl. Assault with a dead weapon. Could be. You said you had two notes for him. No, two items. The note and the condom.

And the condom. Yeah, Dr. Pee, you'll be here at what time? 8.30, 8.20, 830. There you go. All right, you're a great crowd. We appreciate you joining us this morning. A lot of folks texting in about that Iron Maiden Megadess show or texting in about our boat party. We had a busy weekend.

We had a good time. Most of you is were just absolutely wonderful and we can't thank you enough for support in this program. What? You said most of you. I mean, what am I supposed to lie? I know there was a couple. Yeah. You would think, I know there's a couple you weren't big fans.

Yeah, I'm just being honest with our crowd. you know, most of you were great. A couple of you were, I wanted to strangle you. There's one I thought you were going to to, I'm sure. You had to be there.

We'll be right back here in a few minutes was the stupid news on the half-ass morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition

I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as minisones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save 140 if you add the AC tune-up as well.

Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard Heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealky. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

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Not available in all jurisdictions. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. We got this and that. We got this and a little bit of that to cover this morning. We're headed towards the Stupid News report, but before we. throw ourselves into that nonsense. Josh had a fun story for us from last Friday's Rock the River boat party. We had a great time.

Thanks, everyone again, for coming. Josh was telling us he was approached by a lady. A lady who wants to pin our guest today coming in later on around 815, 820. This lady is desperate to fold our guest today, Dr. P. Jesus. regular friend of the Half Fast Morning Show been coming on this program for years. She wants it and she wants it bad. She does and she's told me this over the years.

She comes to a lot of events and they've got to hook up. She's been desiring him from afar for years and she was very bold on Friday night. Is it going to bother her, you think, when the time comes, when she realizes that he has no idea what he's doing? It could. Or maybe she wants to teach him. Maybe that's part of it for. Oh, yeah, some women like that.

There are some types exactly like that. So Josh told us that she approached Josh on the boat and handed him a piece of paper and said, this is for Dr. P. Jesus, please hand this off to him. She said, you can go ahead and open up the piece of paper. And Josh opened it up and it had her phone number in there and a condom. That's the best part. You're not going to miss any signs. No.

She's not making it subtle. Not playing hard to get, is she? A listener is texted in After he heard that story a little earlier And he said Better give Dr. P a condom Dude couldn't pull out of a driveway So we'll see where that goes

I imagine James That's Dr. P His mama calls him James, we call him Dr. P I imagine he'll be very excited Too excited, yeah, weirdly excited.

Creepily strange, bizarre excited. Yeah, things are going to get odd. Are you a little nervous that you're the go-between here, Josh? You know, I'm so glad for him because I know he wants to find someone. Maybe throw that number and that rubber in the garbage. She's such a neat. It'll be nothing but trouble for you. She's such a neat, fun woman.

I think they'd be a good match, quite honestly. She's very bubbly, very fun. It's nice to see her at all the event. Put it in the garbage. I don't feel good about this. For her benefit, you're saying? Yes. Okay.

I don't feel good about this. I don't know if he can handle. That's aggressive. I don't know if he could handle that. He doesn't know what he's doing. No. All right. We'll see about all that.

He's going to be handcuffed to a bed shortly. Oh, yeah. She's going to teach him a thing or two. All right. Today's stupid news report. You know it. I know it. Even your broken down old mama.

She knows it. Some folks just can't get right. And some of them never will. The author of this here's story had an interesting way to put it. They wrote, Everyone has something they can't quit. And they used these examples, eating fast food,

shopping on Amazon, dating people with baggage. Those are the three examples that the author used. That opens up a whole new can of work. right there. Do you know anyone who can't help but get romantically involved with the wrong type of people? Definitely. Yes. Definitely. I probably did for a while. Why can't you get it right, dude? Why can't you get it right? You have that problem for a while? Probably. I think you'd agree at kind of high maintenance. I think that's just what I was used to. Like for my first girlfriend,

I thought that's how it went. High maintenance is a kind way to put it. Yeah. What do you mean? I'm picturing like you had to buy her purses. and buy her stuff to get her nails done, things like that. No, maybe just very, very particular on how things should be. Not necessarily buy me stuff. See, I knew I didn't have any money. I think high maintenance is a little misleading,

and I know you're just being kind, but high maintenance does lead someone like Ashley, who just assumed that meant buying her things and fancy schmancy. Josh, I don't think high maintenance is the word. I think you were drawn to women who were a complete pain in the ass. At times, sure. Yeah. They were very particular about not only how they lived their lives, but how you lived yours. Especially how I lived mine.

Pain's in the ass. Well, that's not right. Well, you shouldn't do that. Oh, you're not going there. Well, you just went out last night. Shouldn't we spend some time together? They were pains in the ass. Nothing is worse than when you get in a relationship with somebody and then like the first thing,

and it seems like they do is try to change who you are. Like, did you even like me in the first place? So there you go. I've known a couple of characters who couldn't help but date the wrong type of people. And I don't know if these are the same examples that you're thinking of, actually, but they were all women

who were somehow drawn to these jobless, derelict bad boy type characters who, I mean, they were just zeros. They were in their 30s and still living with their mom and they keep getting arrested and can't keep a job. But yet these attractive women were drawn to them somehow. Now they grew out of it. These women grew out of it and realized, Jesus, balls, you know, there are plenty of functioning adult males that I could be dangling with. So those are the examples that I could use.

Yeah, it's the same scenario for me. Like these girls, well, they'll date this dude that I know. And, I mean, the girls are trouble in the first place. But then when they get together, everything is just so much worse. Like, he's never had a normal relationship. It has never been able to do it. And it's come to the point where it's like, like, you just, you can't date anymore. You're not allowed to date.

You're not allowed to have any other girls in your life. You just, you have to be single and alone in a hole somewhere because it never works out. Stop bothering people. Yes, stop it. The people he chooses. or are you saying he's the problem? It's a little bit of both, but it's mostly the people that he chooses. But the kind of person that he is kind of attracts those kind of people.

So it does make sense. But it's just no more dating, no more dating. Were they the type of guys? Was he the type of guy who would go to like a catered event and then take way too much food than one person should be allowed to take? I could seem doing that, yeah. Yeah, okay. I think that guy was deflated after that conversation you had.

Friday on the boat, there were a lot of people who were taking way too much food from the buffet for one person. Did he guys get to eat? Did you guys get to eat? Yeah, after an hour and a half. Yeah, I tried. It didn't work out. After all these people. I love barbecue.

Well, that was your own fault. You can't stop talking. Yeah, we had a plate set aside for you that just sat there and congealed after an hour. We're hosts, you know. I did have like a little bit. Yeah, don't eat. I had like one little chunk, and I realized, oh, this has been sitting out for a long time, and somebody could have dosed that with something.

Oh, yeah, you got to eat, Josh. You do that all the time. Anyway, but that's not where we're not talking about food here. We're not talking about necessarily bad relationships, but we are talking about folks who can't get right. Do you guys have, sorry if I'm interrupting here. I'm just going to ask, is there anything in your lives that you just can't quit? Now, I can't quit you, Nick. You're number one.

You could maybe make an argument about pop. I quit it, and then I go back. So, I mean, I can quit it, but I don't ever want to permanently quit. So maybe that counts. There's all kinds of harmless isn't the word. It's actually the opposite. There's all kinds of harmful things that I should quit, but I'm too stuck. Yeah, oh, yeah.

You've done it over and over and over again. I've done what? You've stopped things that you really enjoy for various reasons or you slow down on certain things. Well, yeah, but I can't quit them all together. So, yeah. Yeah, I was wondering if that, does that come? count? What?

Just like the pop thing, for example. Slowing down? Does that count? Well, sure. I'll give it up for a year, two years. And I don't know if it's a relapse. I'm talking about diet mound. And you're talking about pop here.

I don't know what else to say. I realize this is ridiculous. That's ridiculous. When you're straighter than a Grizzlies D and we're talking about things that are harmful that we should quit, unfortunately, you can only go to pop. Yeah, that's about it. But everyone has their own thing, you know. And I realized the word I used was ridiculous.

A relapse. Yeah, not a relapse. I'm sorry. I just wanted to go back. Everybody's got bad habits, Cubby. Everybody's got bad habits. I wouldn't consider, like... I'm suffering. I don't think you can quit that because it draws you back. So I don't think you can consider it something that you've been able to quit. Okay. So that's... It's always whispering in your ear. It really is. It's just it's effervescent in my ear. By the way, I was making a reference a minute ago to our boat party last Friday,

where far too many people were taking way too much food in one trip to the buffet line. And also, Alati is, I'm making a new rule. All listeners must eat before they come to our parties. That's a new rule. Someone sent me an image of an attitude shirt that I should wear at our next event, according to this listener. And the shirt says, be an a-hole. You never know who's having a good day.

and they don't deserve it. I've never heard that before. I like that shirt. True. Okay. People that can't get right. And by God, some of them never will. The main character in this little story, he can't get right.

He can't quit with the dope. He's a 37-year-old in New York, still on dope. Dude's got a cool name, though. Barry. Barry Bowser. Hmm. Sweet. Like from Sean-A-na, Josh, Bowser.

I went to Mario Kart. I'm a Mario Kart. Oh, I'm a Sean-A-N-A guy. You're a Mario Kart guy. I could get why you're a Sean-A-N-A guy. Yeah. I'm sure you can follow this stupidity and the irony of this here. Barry Bowser got himself arrested for drug possession

while he was on his way into his neighborhood courthouse to attend a court-ordered drug program. Do you see how you are? Oh, boy. Barry was on probation for a previous issue with illegal dope. So that's why he was ordered to attend that drug program that I was telling you about. So he's walking on into the courthouse for his program thing, counseling, whatever the hell it involves. Yep.

He's walking on it. He was searched by the courthouse cops. and they found heroines and fentanyls and crack rocks in berry pockets. So I wonder, was he selling all that dangerous street dope to the other derelicts involved in that drug counseling program? Why is he bringing so much dope into the drug program counseling meeting?

Because he's on dope? That would be partly, yeah, my guess is maybe he's trying to He's selling it. Yeah, the people that are trying to stop. Why would he have so much of it on him unless he was selling it to the folks at the dope? And like this isn't his first time being in the courthouse, obviously, because he had to like have all this figured out. Yeah. So he knows that they check you.

Or maybe they haven't in the past. He's got cocky. Well, yeah. Well, anyway, so now Barry Bowser is right back where he started. He's in the stony lonesome waiting for a judge to knock his D in the dirt with some brand new criminal charges. It's just a waste of a good name. Barry Bowser. That's true.

Some people from the get-go, they're given everything. Yeah. And he ruined it. The expectations are just too high for poor Barry. That's what happened there. Shah-na-na. Yeah. I watched their program quite religiously when I was a kid.

Do you remember Bowser? He was the big, tall, skinny guy, and he would do all the deep stuff. Bow, bow, bow, bow. better than that kind of thing. He was the old 50s duwop acts always had to have a deep voice guy. That was bousy. You got to have that. Ramma ding-dong.

Of course, they made that legendary appearance in the movie, Greece. Anyway, what time is it? Now, this is going to throw some of you folks, especially if you've never seen anything like this before. If you've never seen anything like this before, you will backpedal. This picture that I'm about to tell you is already up on 93x.com

the picture of the man without a nose. This is nuts to me. If you want to picture it and you've watched or played Fallout, it's like ghoul. He looks like ghoul from Fallout. Yes, perfect. If you've never seen anyone who was a missing they nose, it can be quite startling.

Was this a first? first time for anybody? This was a first. Yeah, it's certainly in real life, definitely. You see, it's like, can you like put stuff in there? I'm sure there's... Yeah, it's just a big hole. I mean, this was his, this was his mug shot. I bet he does tricks. Just like walk around like that? You got to worry about like dust and debris and stuff getting in there? I have so many questions. Well, I'm guessing, Ashley, I'm just guessing. The picture is this man's mug shot. And when you take a Mugshot, they don't want anything but all natural 100% you, right? So you can be identified down the road if you really F up, right?

That's kind of the basis for a mugshot. This is you. Maybe when he's not posing for a mugshot photo, maybe he has something to cover it up. Maybe he... Prostatic nose. Oh, definitely. Yeah, he wears these glasses that have a giant fake nose, a mustache, underneath and big eye lashes on top.

They make it for that. That's why they make those? I never realized. Yeah, that's why. This is the second time I've seen a picture of somebody with no nose. For whatever reason, when I was in junior high, during a health class, while we were talking about the human body, I guess, our teacher brought up how different somebody can look without a nose. And I was like a 14-year-old kid, so I think I raised my hand and said, that's possible to be living without a nose?

And he said, yes, and he showed us this. And it was quite shocking. And here's my second chance now to see a picture of a man. I know a guy that doesn't have a jaw. He had an accident. The jaw is missing. That must be unbelievable. I mean, how does he eat?

Boy, good question. I guess I've never asked him. You know this guy? Yeah, I mean, it's an acquaintance. It's a brother of my friend's wife's brother. Okay. So they're just... In a place called Fort Lauderdale, a dude without a nose was arrested for allegedly trafficking dope. It says here, the man without a schnaz and his partner in crime were done in by a drug-sniffing dog.

and I suppose there's some irony there somewhere. Yeah. Okay. Charles is the name of the noseless man. He got himself pulled over by the cops. The police went ahead and searched the car. Charlie no-nose and his buddy agreed to let the canine cop search the car and the dog turned up a big fat-ass bag of cocaine,

along with a lot of cash and a semi-automatic handgun. gun with the serial number shaved off, that all comes off pretty shady. It does. And this was, I mean, it doesn't say in the article, right? Are we all in agreement that this was definitely probably cocaine? Yes, I would guess. Yeah, from like the big bag of cocaine? Well, I just said the dog turned up a big, fat ass bag of cocaine.

No, I mean, like his nose situation. Oh, that was my guess. Yeah. Because I've... You think he lost his nose from cocaine usage? Yeah, it collapsed on itself. Or what is it like the membranes dissolve? Deviated septum or something?

Yeah, have you guys ever seen anybody that has like, I guess my mom always called it a Coke nose. I'm sure there's a- Well, yeah. I'm familiar with a few people whose noses, the interior of it, was just completely dissolved. A couple of rock stars, actually, because of cocaine use, but they all kept their nose. And I wonder if that's because, like, they, you know,

they went to the doctor and all that. kind of stuff and they were, you know, I'm thinking like that happened, it got infected since he's a I mean, a drug dealer out on the street. I have no idea that that's all possible. But I didn't think that you would lose your nose completely from something like that. I know that the inner workings go to hell, but I figured it out. Was it a 69 accident? No, when I was a kid. Did the gal sit down a little too fast? The answer's right there. We're stupid. When I was a kid, my uncle used to grab my nose right off my face all the time. But he'd put it back.

I bet his uncle dropped the nose once he took it off. Is it possible for a nose just to fall off? Possibly. You could be right about the booger sugar thing, but again, Ashley, I know a few of these stories, and I know that the inner workings of their nose has been turned to garbage,

but it stayed on their face. So I have no idea how this guy's nose fell off. H-back delivery, Jesus said, He's got enough nose for about three people. So if that guy needs to borrow some, he can afford to lose some of. What a nice individual. I mean, I think it was Duff McCagan, bass player for the Guns and the Roses.

He was the first rock star that I, he openly talked about how he did so much friggin blow that suddenly his nose was no longer a nose. It was just a hunk of flesh hanging off of his face. It had no real purpose because of the abuse. So after the dog found the first bag of dope, Charlie No-Nos and his buddy got pulled over by the cops. The canine is running through their vehicle.

After the dog found the first bag of dope, the other cops kept a looking. Oh, and they found some meth rocks in there too. Of course, there's nothing special about any of that. That happens all the time. But it was this little. common get pulled over with drugs in the car story that has given us the glorious mugshot picture of the man without a nose. You don't get to dangle with a man without a nose very often.

No. Like I said, this is only a second time. The first time was in ninth grade where I saw a picture of a... I was just thinking about your 69 accident comment and it reminded me of the movie teeth, which I can't see. There's no way I could see that movie. That movie is nuts. You guys have seen it, right? I think you've said you've mentioned. You've mentioned that you've seen it before. I've seen it a couple times. After I saw it, I was like, I've got to show other people this movie. I like the movie teeth.

The dude with the piercing. Yeah, the dude with the... Just as a woman had teeth that grew in her vagina, right? Yes, defense mechanism. Yeah, she kills a few fellers and... She kills some... She doesn't really know what to... Yeah.

Oh, yeah, she chops it smooth off. So, I mean, like, what happens when you do that to somebody, right? It's been a few years since I saw teeth, but I like the movie. So it's not awful? No, well, I don't like the ones that are super... You have a different idea for awful than I do. The weird ones get me. When it comes to violence and things like that.

He'd probably consider that awful. He did five seconds. It's not for you. Yeah, it's not for me. You stay far, far away from that. I like it. We'll just tell you about it. I like that movie.

I'll tell you about the piercing guy after once we get off air. All right, yeah, let me know. Wasn't that her stepbrother? Yeah. And he tried to get fresh with her. Where'd that dog come from? It's getting worse. I don't remember the dog.

But I remember her stepbrother was kind of a deck. Nam, num, num, num, num, num, num. Was that the vagina? That was what the dog does. That was the dog. I guess it's in the vagina. Yeah, she had teeth down there. It can happen.

Grow us. I can. Keeping with today's theme so far, which is obviously numskulls who peddle dope. Here's another guy in silly Australia, the cops found out. What did they do? Oh, they found this guy's illegal meth stash, set and smooth in the middle of his delicious bacon and egg breakfast sandwich.

Dude had squeezed a few grams of those methamphetamine rocks. he had wedged him right between the bacon and the egg of his imitation McMuffin. Yum. Word is, what, meth rocks and bacon and egg? Yeah, sounds delicious. Word is this dude has been under police, how do you say it, Josh, surveillance for quite a stretch of time. They knew he was shady. He's driving around town.

They're always driving around town. Yeah. I guess they don't have a regular job to go to. He's driving around. Next thing he knows, he's getting yanked over to the shoulder by a police car. But again, they knew he was shady. He was under surveillance. To me, it sounds like dude had no choice. In order to try and conceal those meth rocks, he had to defile a perfectly good breakfast sandwich. But, turns out this is his thing.

He tries to hide his hard street dope in fast food burgers and breakfast sandwiches. and all that jibber-jabber. The police found all types of fast food items in his vehicle. So he keeps old burgers and egg sandwiches on him at all times. He must figure that the cops would always assume that he's just a regular J.Bron, headed home with a big delicious bag of gut bombs and not a dope fiend. Do you see where I'm going with that? I wonder if he thought maybe the dogs would be fooled by that too.

Oh, I didn't even consider the dogs. Yeah, I have no idea. Yeah, I would bet that you're right. Oh, I bet it smelled awful. I immediately thought that same thing, Ashley. What do you mean? Smells awful, what? Old sandwiches in his car?

It's in there for days at a time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I bet you're right, yeah. Boy, I used to eat so many of those frozen Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches that Jimmy Dean wrote me a thank you now. I can never heat those up correctly. It piss me off. Yeah, they're hot and frozen at the same time. Dang, those are good.

That brings up a funny story. Years and years ago, we were playing some goofy board game. Drinking and playing a board game. We kind of fell in love with that gimmick for about, oh, I don't know, one weekend. We thought it would be cute to drink and play. Anyway, maybe you had to be there, Josh. But there was a question in this board game, and it was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, made more money in his career than Elvis, right?

That was part of the lead of the lead. up to this trivia question, right? And some dude that I was, one of my old buddies, I know you've met him, Josh. One of my old buddies is like, oh, I got it. They're like, okay, go ahead. He made more money than Elvis. The guy goes, I got it. Jimmy Dean, the guy with the breakfast sausage.

What? And we all said, of all the people in the world, and he said, oh, my dad eats him every morning. I mean, I see you, the television commercials. All that's got to be Jimmy Dean, the guy with the breakfast sausage. We're like, that's the most unique, friggin' answer. the history of board games. That's great.

I love when that kind of thing happened. Well, he didn't say Michael Jackson. He didn't say... It probably was Michael Jackson. Bill Gates or what, I mean, I don't know. Names some of these, Hugh Hefner. He came up with Jimmy Dean. All right.

We've got time for one more, I suppose. I might need some help and explain in this one. I know nothing about YouTube channels and this and that where people sit and watch other people play video games. I don't know anything about that gimmick. Here's what I think I understand. To me, it sounds like a nine-year-old kid with his own YouTube channel, went ahead and stole $118,000 off his dad's company credit card

in order to spend money on his aforementioned YouTube channel. That sucks. It says here, the father of a YouTuber known as Mighty Mike, Dad took over the channel a day or two ago to let Mighty Mike, to let Mighty Mike's followers know that the channel was going to get shut off because his son charged $118,000

to a company credit card. The kid behind the channel, a little nine-year-old, he opens things up. If you were watching live on his YouTube channel, you would have seen this. The kid starts off with a brief statement before dad took over and dad said,

I'm shutting it down. Because my kids, a derelict and stole $118,000 for my company credit card. Dad apparently works for a marketing company. The old man's name is Dave. Dave said, today I got a call into my boss's office. I walk in. The corporate manager is there.

We got people there from finance. They pull up a laptop and basically ask me to explain why there's $118,000 missing from the company card assigned to me. Can you imagine that conversation? I'm going to be fired. I'm going to jail. How do I explain this? That would suck to be put up against the wall and accused of something like that.

It would suck even worse to know that your 9-year-old kid was the one behind it. I'm not going to try to tell anyone else how to parent their children. Well, maybe on occasion I will. But I'll just tell you this much. That kid is no longer a part of my life. That kid is going off. He's going to live with an aunt or an uncle. not my kid again, ever again.

You got to change your last name, boy. No, he's not mine anymore. So, dad says, I didn't have any answers for these people who were grilling him about 118 grand. But once we saw where all the transactions were going, I connected the dots.

Now, here's what I don't understand. What did the kid use that money for? Do you guys know how these things work? If I have my own, If I have my own YouTube channel, where am I putting $118,000? What am I doing to? I guess he could be paying for like views and paying for like likes. You can do that on like any social media app.

You can pay like a service where it makes it look like people are watching your stuff. Oh. Or it makes it look like you have more like ghost followers. Right. Well, he was. That's a lot of money. He was playing like Roblox or something, right? So maybe in game.

Oh, sure. Loot boxes and whatnot. Yeah, so. Now, it is worth noting, it says here at the ass end of the story, and then we've got to get the hell out of here. It is worth noting that Dave, the dad, didn't provide any evidence to back up this story. This is what folks are saying. They're saying, of course, we all know there's a chance that this is a lie because it comes from social media. Some are saying this could be a massive hoax to grow this kid's YouTube channel to get more clicks and hits. And there were some numbers in the story that said, you know, before this story broke, he had 7,000 followers and now he has 852,000.

You see what I'm saying? So, I mean, what are you going to do? So a few people have texted, and they've seen the video and they know something about it. Trim Carpenter Jesus said this kid allegedly paid YouTube to play his Minecraft. Oh, Minecraft. Sorry, I had the wrong game. His Minecraft videos as ads. So when you're watching your YouTube video And a 9-year-old kid knows how to do that?

Apparently so. They make it really easy too. It doesn't help. At any rate. That kid would never see me again. I mean, maybe he can come and talk to me when he turns 18. Other than that, he's no longer my son. And you know what else, Josh?

What? His mother? She's out of here, too. She's gone. She had nothing to do with it. She's the love of your life. Does he have any siblings? They're gone.

No way. That's right. I'm wiping everybody out. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Javon Tracy to the Oaks! Or did he step out? He stepped out of bounds. Javon Tracy would have had his third punt return touchdown in three games had he not stepped out.

What the hell was going on there? That's a bummer. Whoops. That was hilarious. Folks are calling Golden Gopher Return Man Javan Tracy's brain fart, where he stepped out of bounds on a sure punt return touchdown. They're calling it an all-time bonehead play. That was a Golden Gopher's game Saturday with Akron.

Yeah, he running down the sideline, nothing between him and the goal line at all. But he kept looking behind himself. Are there some bitch that's going to catch me? They're not going to catch me, are they? So he stopped looking where he went out of bounds. I'm sure the boys let him remember that for a while. Yeah, if not, he could just check social media. You can check 93Fs.com, too.

The video is up there. That can happen. He got a little dizzy out there, and he ran out of bounds. 7.30, Randy Shaver will be here. Brad Ryder will be here. And we got plenty. Plenty to cover. Like yesterday's Vikings game, which was kind of a throwback to the old days.

Bad weather, low scoring, bad football, really, from top to bottom. So I enjoyed myself watching the ball game. I love bad football. Vikes got the win. They're 2 and 0. What else? The twins. There's lots of football.

ball, Christ, we'll cover just about anything and everything. Josh, I wanted to get this out into the open. We were talking earlier about people who can't get right. They get kind of hooked on a certain, oh, it can be drugs. It can be just another type of a bad habit. Like one of the examples that was used in the story was some people, can't quit dating the wrong type of people, dating folks who aren't all there. I used an example of, I know a couple of gal friends who just happened to be drawn to these

shiftless losers who can't keep a job. They present themselves as like a bad boy character, but they go home to their grandma's basement and grandma makes them, you know, Campbell's soup and they cry themselves to sleep. that kind of a thing. They're drawn to these losers. They grew out of it. When we were having that conversation earlier, got a text here from elementary music teacher, Sheez's.

And she said, stop talking about me in my 20s. We should have got her permission. She said, all I did was date total red flag losers. And she said one example was this. One guy was in his 30s and didn't have his own checking account. Oh, it's problematic. It can happen. That's a great text. Josh's news is coming up next.

The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart.

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for work-related injuries, even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bianchi Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-K-E-L-L-C-L-C-E-L-L-C-B. You want Dave on your side. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions

against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode W-W-C-FB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility.

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What in the actual f***er you guys doing? On 93X. He allegedly used the pepper spray inside a crowded theater at the AMC, Burbank 16. Two other people who weren't the target also got hit by the pepper spray and were taken to the hospital for treatment. The internet isn't saying he should have done it, but they understand. Police arrested a moviegoer last week at an AMC theater in Burbank, California, after he pepper sprayed a fellow patron who refused to put his phone away. This is during a screening of the Andrew Garfield Adventure movie, The Uprising.

And while he may be facing some serious trouble with the law, online, he's being hailed as a bit of a folk hero. Witnesses say 34-year-old Los Angeles resident Matthew Ware unleashed the spray on the victim, about 40 minutes into the film 5.30 p.m. Tuesday. According to an onlooker, Ware initially asked the man to turn off his phone after catching him scrolling on low brightness. When the victim refused, Ware decided to add a little extra seasoning to the cinematic experience and he blasted him with pepper spray.

Moments later, screams, Zach out through the theater as someone shouted they'd been sprayed. Yeah, that stings a little bit. Oh, it's awful. Ware was seen fleeing the room immediately after. Oh, you ran away. Yeah, he took off. That's kind of what you do. You realize, oh, oh, I might be in some trouble.

A witness called the police who tracked Ware down in the lobby and placed him under arrest. Two other moviegoers required hospital treatment for eye and respiratory irritation caused by the spray. News of the incident spread rapidly online, boosted by accounts like Save Your Cinema, the initiative dedicated to preserving independent theater. The comment sections delivered a resounding verdict. Plenty of movie lovers were fully on where's side. I understand why he flipped out. I would have more respect for him if he wouldn't have run away.

Sure, they conceded. Maybe he shouldn't have done it. But I understand. Many of them understand. But I understand. But I have to know, did he do it cinematically? Like, did he stand up slow and ominously turn and say, I see you're on your phone in the movies?

Well, I hope you like your popcorn and your experience extra spicy. Sprays with reckless abandoned laughing maniacically, one user wrote. The Batman statue down the stairs needs to be replaced with a statue of this hero. Another added. Even the injury law firm Block LLP weighed in on social media. In its comment section quickly flooded with similar sentiment. Free Pepper Spray Guy. People are pricks at the movies these days.

one Instagram user wrote. Bet they won't use their phone in a movie again. Good job, kid, said another. Not everyone was clapping, however. Some moviegoers viewed Weir's actions as completely extreme. Joe Rodriguez, who was sitting in the back of the theater at the time of the incident, is one of them. Once I saw the guy was an adult, I was just kind of, you know, this is insane. But his grown man would resort to that.

Still, Rodriguez couldn't help joking that the assault made for a much more memorable evening. To be completely honest, The movie wasn't my cup of tea, Rodriguez said, adding I was more thrilled by what happened than the movie itself. Yeah, again, I mean, yeah, people are dicks, but a grown guy should be able to come up with something better than macing another individual in the eyes and then running away like a child. And you do kind of wonder if he was looking for a reason, right? Sure. Tired of it. What was the movie again?

The uprising? Not so good, huh? Well, according to Rodriguez, he didn't care for it too much. You ever had one of these bad experiences at a movie theater? I never have. With other patrons? A couple times, yeah. I've always had a very pleasant experience.

What was the story, Cubby? Well, actually, three times I can think of. Three times? One was... Maybe you're the problem. One, I used to go a lot of movies. One was a lady in the middle of it's like, hello? Hey, how's it going?

No, I can talk. No, no, no, nothing's going on. There's a movie in the background. Sorry to disturb our conversation. I'm going to put you on speaker. That's funny. Very loud. Did not care whatsoever. Another was my wife surprised me and took me to see the first Avatar movie.

Oh, you lucky bastard. Yeah, I loved it. Yeah, oh, really? Never saw it. There was a problem. I can't imagine you liking it. There was a problem getting it started where the trailers would start and it stop, start, stop. and eventually the movie finally starts about 15 minutes late, and it's just the audio.

And one guy went nuts, absolutely crazy. It was a packed theater. He deserves better. It was right. It was the week came out. So he's yelling. He's screaming. He's swearing.

He storms down the aisle, knocks stuff out of people's hands. Oh. Dude, I would have crashed out. He knocked my soda out of my hand. And what's that going to do to help the situation? I don't think it did. The movie got delayed more. Oh, no.

16-year-old kid who has to come in and explain what's going on. I guess he's like, yeah, we run this from Texas or something. A guy's pressing buttons there. We're having some issues. Did you boo that kid? No, nobody booed the kid. The guy got booed, though, as he got let out by the police department. Mine wasn't as intense as that one, but it was similar.

It was back in 2001 when Star Wars Episode 2 came out, and we're seeing the midnight theater. Every single theater in the whole joint is sold out. I'm in the big theater, and the trailers start, and then it just cuts off. and the screen goes blank. And this dude in a full Jedi costume pulls out his lightsaber, points into the projection room and goes, you're going to die, clown!

Oh, my God. Thankfully, they got the movie going and no clowns were injured. The third one I can think of is a young guy, probably in his 20s, who obviously had some challenges. And he just, we went to Shrek,

one of the Shrek, and he kept yelling at the screen. He was really mad at Shrek. He hated Shrek. And he kept swears. wearing like, F you, F you, F you. It kind of like two, three things he would scream. What did Shrek do to him? I don't know. I don't know. Like I said, he had something going on. Yeah.

Cinematic spray downs aren't the only public places getting hit with rogue irritants lately. Halfway across the globe, a junior high school student in Japan was arrested after unleashing bear repellent on fellow classmates in the school yard. Hilarious. The incident unfolded about 1 p.m. Thursday after the school's vice principal accidentally left the heavy-duty spray behind in a corner of the yard the previous afternoon. The male student picked up the forgotten canister and blasted students playing nearby, despite reportedly having no prior interactions with them.

The immediate aftermath was Jepur Jepenamonium. 13 students suffered eye and throat pain, 11 rushed to a local hospital for minor injuries while the principal alerted emergency services. I want to know more about this grade school where they got to keep bear spray on hand when the kids go out to recess. Oh, yeah, I'll explain.

Even the suspect got caught in his own crossfire. Officers arrested the student while he was still at the schoolyard fountain desperately washing the spray out of his own eyes. Oh, he got himself a little bit. Yeah, he did. Yeah, it happens. The bear spray precaution isn't unusual for Japanese schools these days. I mean, we hear about bear attacks over there a lot, don't we?

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Bear sightings and attacks have surged across Japan in recent years with a record 13 people killed by bears nationwide last year, prompting many schools and municipalities to stock the deterrent sprays and train staff to carry them on school grounds as a safety measure. And I imagine grade school-sized kids appear to be delicious to the average bear. That's a little snack right there. Yeah, probably perfectly sized meal.

Oh, what a life, you know. They got the school teachers over there having to be trained how to use bear base because there's so many bears at recess. That's so fun. And then on Fridays, they go to the Dawkins show. A terrible story recently created more waves in Japan than a Godzilla fart. Police say a Tokyo woman's roommate literally sewed her lips shut, which is some straight-up horror movie material there.

What did she do that for? You know, they're not really sure. She's kooky. She had an excuse, but it was weird. But there was a lot of pain involved in that. can't even imagine. Many people have probably wanted to sew someone's mouth shut at some point, but most stopped short of reaching for the needle and thread. However, Japanese authorities arrested the 49-year-old woman accused of stitching together the lips of a 42-year-old who'd been living

with her for more than a year. The victim escaped the next day to a nearby shop and sought help with a written note because, rather inconveniently, she was unable to speak, you may remember. Police say the suspect took an artisanal approach to conflict resolution. Artisanal? She pierced the victim with a needle at spots below her nose and lower lip with thread running through the inside of her mouth. Wait a minute, she did this to herself or someone did it to her? She did it to somebody else. Did it to somebody else.

She reportedly told police the sinister seamstress had become, quote, angry over trouble. Translated, she said, quote, angry over a trouble, ending the dispute. with some evil arts and crafts. Oh. Wasn't immediately clear how the woman managed to pull off the attack, nor what trouble angered her, but she was arrested on suspicion of assault and embroidery.

Acquaintances say the suspect told the local media they'd heard that she'd been letting people who ran away from their homes live in her house and had been helping them find jobs. Yeah, but at the same time, she'd torture one or two of them, huh? Yeah, they think she had many, many victims at her home. What? What? alone.

Sold her lips shut. It ain't right. That's one of those piercings I could never do because I just can't imagine the pain. What piercing? Like any type of lip piercing or any like my tongue piercing, anything around your mouth. I can't imagine how painful that was. Well, you got to draw the line somewhere. And you can feel the thread go through, I bet.

Oh. Here's a bit of a Japanese vocabulary lesson. The Japanese word, Kenja Tamu, describes the moments after a man has climaxed, when his mind is no longer impaired by sex. In America, of course, that is commonly referred to as post-nut clarity. Can you pronounce that again? I think I did the, what's it called, phonetics.

So I think I got this right. Maybe somebody can clear me up if I'm wrong. Kenjah Tamu. Oh. Kenjitamu. Where you go, what have I done? I barely even know her. I did it this time.

What do we got time for? Maybe I should go to shoutouts and whatnot. Skippy? No, no, no, no, no, no. No? Do another one? Give us the whole smear. All right, we'll do another one.

This might actually be the most vile road rage incident you're ever going to hear. I look forward to it. A Florida woman was arrested after deputy said she threw, quote, Vigenase Mayo at another driver during a road rage incident. For the uninitiated, Vigenase is the original brand name, egg-free plant-based mayo. And she threw it at a lady, meaning they should just skip jail and send her straight to hell. Though even hell would probably stock the regular stuff.

The Lee County Sheriff's Office said Christine Sweet was riding shotgun in a vehicle on the oddly named Cork Screw Road. After Sweet's driver cut someone off, deputy said Sweet completely lost her mind, screaming profanities at the victim. Again, the person she was with cut the victim off. Then as the victim pulled alongside them, Sweet launched a glass bottle of the mock mayo right at her. Proving cruelty-free sandwich spreads can be weaponized and vegans can throw down. The glass jar hit the other woman right in the face, opening a laceration under her eye. Yeah.

She can throw. Sweet knew immediately that her condiment-based assault had landed because she reportedly yelled to her driver. I hit her in the face. Go, go, go, go. Yeah, get us the hell out of here. Body cam video from the arrest revealed she doesn't just. struggle with basic human restraint, she also has some trouble with basic English pronunciation. Glass jar of mayonnaise, but I don't know it's Vanis, Venice, Venus. Yeah. What is it?

Oh, it was Vegeanase. What is that? It's a Vegean version of mayonnaise. So that's why I threw that mayonnaise on her. You just can't throw mayo at someone. It's a Vegean version. Well, she sounds like a bright one. Pissing me off that she's saying I like that. I'm getting really angry about it. Hey, my buddy, he's a vegian. Sweet was arrested in charge with aggravated battery and with a culinary weapon. Story reminds me. Why should you always knock before opening the fridge door? I don't know. In case there's a salad dressing. Random kitchen appliance, fun fact here. The term fridge doesn't come from refrigerator. It was short for frigidaire, the company that produced the first self-contained refrigerators in 1919.

Oh, how about that? So many Americans just started calling refrigerators, fridges after frigid air. Tonight on Monday Night Football, which debuted 56 years ago on this day in 1970, featuring the Rams hosting the Giants. And on Paramount Plus, the streaming premiere of Tuna,

a heist thriller starring a, or excuse me, about a gifted piano tuner who's heightened sense of hearing, tracks the attention of some criminals who want him to use his skills to break into safes. A piano tuner. Piano tune. Justin Hoffman in that one. Now he hosts Dancing with the Stars and America's Funniest Home Videos,

but at one time he was the hilarious Carlton on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I still watch it every day. Do you really? Yep. Oh, great dancer. Alfonso, Ribeiro is 55. Luke Wilson, 55 as well. Bill Murray, 76.

Author Stephen King. 79. Also 79 is Don Felder of the Eagles. Oh my God. Director Jerry Bruckheimer, 83. Whoa. Coming in this morning on the Luther Kia of Dingminton text line, 651-551-93. Again, that's our new number, 651-551-93-93. Happy belated birthday to Word Jesus, who turned the Big 40 from Mama Duck, Jesus. Well, Word. Happy birthday to Mason, who turned the Big O-4 from Dad,

snowflake trucking Jesus and can bend anything Jesus. Text in a happy birthday shout out to his wife of 19 years Maggie. That's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. Here we go. Last breath for Chicago and Dallas Turner finishes the job. The Vikings escape with a 93 win in Minnesota, the lone unbeaten in the NFC North after two weeks. Randy Schaber. Hello.

Hello, Randy. Brad's writer. Good morning. Good morning to you, Brad, writer. Yeah, she was a throwback to the 70s yesterday. At least that's the way it looked to me. Oh, for sure. Throwback to the 70s with the Vikings and Bears playing in a bad weather game in Chicago.

Right. Defense and special teams dominated. There were zero touchdown scored in the ball game. The Vikes came away with a win by a final. final of 9 to 3. I felt like I was back at like 8, 9 years old watching Viking football. Yeah, just

sloppy and ugly and... Yeah. So I suppose I better I better play my Vikings victory ukulele song since we've got another win. Oh, please do. Yeah. Yeah. You got some new lyrics today? I do. Every week, I promise that when the Vikings

win a game on Sunday or my Monday or Wednesday or Thursday or Saturday, whenever the hell. When the Vikings win a game, I'll have a brand new. This is just like the Denny Green show. That's what you wanted, right? This is taking the Twin Cities by Storm. That's what you wanted. It was Randy's idea back in the 90s.

He used to have a television show with the late great Dennis Green. And Denny would always play a song where the Vikes would win, right? Always play the drums. The drums, that's right. He was a percussionist, Josh. He wasn't a drummer. He was a percussionist. It's a pretty good one.

The Vikings win again The Who had a song called Won't Get Fooled Again The Bears suck They are who we thought they were Josh is a cuck Why do I get one of these songs? How do you get roped into this, Josh? The Vikings won again

Vikings his pass rusher Dallas Turner picked up his second sack of the ball game on Bears backup quarterback Tyson Badgant as Chicago was threatening to steal the game with a walkoff touchdown. That's the audio you heard there. If you want to crown them, then crown their ass. By the way, a lot of folks don't know this, but that first kind of a bang noise that you hear before Denny flipped out. That was him. Yeah, but he was holding a ukulele. Really?

Yeah, he slammed down his ukulele and then made that comment about. Play it again. You can kind of hear that it was. I don't think that's what it was. It could be. Let's see. If you want to crown him, then crown their ass. Listen, same thing.

Slamming down his ukulele. That backup quarterback was in the ball game. What was that? Someone just take down their zipper? It sure sounded like it. Backup quarterback. Maybe that's what the sound was. Caleb Williams had already gone to the locker room

after blowing his hamstring clear across the field. I was kind of surprised that it was only a hamstring injury. Me too. That looked really bad. It looked like his career was over. It did. Look like he was in some terrible pain. So they had the backup in there.

The backup damn near leads the bears to a walk-off touchdown victory. But the Vikes stuffed them. you had Isaiah Rogers for the Vikings blocking a late field goal attempt. It was quite thrilling. If he doesn't get tripped up on the play that he gets injured on, and if you watch that, he probably scores on that play. Oh, we're going back to Caleb Willem. Yeah, he scores on that particular play if he doesn't get hurt on that play.

Yeah, he might have. Yeah. Also, was it just me, as I was watching that game, the previous field goal attempt was almost blocked, and it felt like it was a new long snapper for the bears. It felt like the snaps were like in slow motion. The whole process seems slow. Is it just me when I watched that?

No, the whole process seems slow. From the snap to the placement to the kick, everything seemed to be a step behind for the bears, and obviously the Vikings took advantage of that. And as soon as the one that arrived, The Ledger's blocked, it was snapped. I thought, oh man, they're gonna block that, because it was just so slow getting to the holder.

Yeah, it was. I could almost hear the kicker humming to himself like, just waiting. There was no. You were by far not the only one who noticed that. Yeah, the kicker even approached the ball slower than I thought. Yeah, it was weird. I normally see.

Aaron Jones, 105. I thought I was going to be looking into the papers this morning and seeing Aaron Jones obituary after that hit that he took where his helmet came off. Yeah. For sure. Holy bull. Aaron Jones, 105 yards. Little Willie Reichard kicked three field goals for the Vikings, including a 39-yard or with

a minute left. That's the seven straight win for the Vikings at Soldier Field. Huh. It's also, they also set an NFL record I read yesterday where they've won four consecutive games with four different starting quarterbacks. Which is a little misleading, right? Because in the National Football League, all you have to do is take the opening snap,

and you are the official quarterback of record for that game. You understand what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, true, but that's still an impressive stat. I think about it. I guess, I guess. By the way, speaking of quarterbacks, deeply troubled. What's that? I said, you're hard to please this morning.

said you're hard to please this morning. Well, I mean, Kyler Murrah played for three minutes in the game against the Packers. Two of them were games at the end of last year that didn't mean anything either. True, true. Well, that's not true, Brad. They were in contention. I think we've come to the conclusion, Randy, that you can take that stat and shove it up your ass. That stat means absolutely nothing to guys like me and Brad Ryder.

Oh, my God. Just stuff it where the sun don't, don't ever bring it up again. You guys are just... Deeply troubled Vikings head coach Kelvin O'Connor says he thinks Kyler Murrah will be ready for the next game, which will be at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this year coming Sunday. Okay. Who lost to the Cleveland Browns yesterday and off,

which I think is fun. I like that. So last week, the opener when they beat Green Bay, I asked you, boys, are you thiked? Are you pumped? you both said no. All right. Here we are week two.

They beat Chicago. Are you psyched? No. You are not psyched. Not yet. I don't think this offense can sustain being able to win football games if they play like they did yesterday. Okay. They're just not playing very well.

I mean, Jefferson needs to get the ball more. They need to figure out how to move the football and score points. Their defense is phenomenal. There's no doubt about it. The defense is carrying them right now. But they need to offensively figure out how to move the football through the air. And maybe it's Kyler Murray. That's going to be the answer to that once he comes back healthy.

They don't have to apologize for the wins. Oh, for sure. But I'm just not, but I'm just not excited yet. All right. That's fine. I'm just checking. see if you're pumped up, if you see great things in the future. I do for their defense.

Their defense, at least right now, playing really well. The Banks kid had a really nice game yesterday. It's Carlton Banks. No. On the front line. And, you know, there was some very, very positive things. It's birthday today, I think, isn't it, Josh? Carlton, Banks.

It is. I think we both, I think we all kind of predicted, what, a few weeks ago, seven or eight wins, I think. I think that's what you said. And I'll stick by that. I think the defense is good enough, obviously, to have them win that many games. But when they get in a shootout type of a deal

where they don't have happened what happened in the Green Bay game the last 10 minutes of the game, then they're going to be in some trouble, I think. All right, Randy Schaber, there is one listener who texted in and wants you to finish your statement on this record that the Vikings set yesterday. four straight games, four straight wins with four different starting quarterbacks. And they want to know who were the four.

Go ahead, Randy. You know, that's a good question. Oh, I have it. It's Max Brozner. Yep. It's totally unproven and injury prone, JJ, J.J. McCarthy. And then you got your Carson Wentz and your Kyler Murrah.

Yeah, yep. Yeah. There you go. Yesterday, in the ball game, Vikings' wide receiver Justin Jefferson, and we only caught two or three footballs, but he did pass Randy Maugh. on the Vikings all-time career receptions list. He is now in second place all-time behind Randy's hero, Chris Carter. Yes, and he's a long way behind Carter.

Is he? Correct. In the numbers? I didn't look at the numbers. I think Carter's got a lot more catches. Probably the most heartbroken I've ever seen you in the 30 years I've known you was when Chris Carter retired from the Minnesota. That was a tough day, wasn't it?

You were devastated by that. I was heartbroken. To think that you remember, I remember you saying, what am I going to do with my life now if I don't get to visit regularly with Chris Carter? Because he's such a wonderful guy, you said. Yeah, because I learned so much by hanging around Chris. Yes, we all did. We all did.

He's a brilliant guy. He's just a friendly guy. Now, this is a hell of a deal. They say that yesterday, in Nashville, Tennessee. I know. How about this? Where the Tennessee Titans were hosting the Philadelphia Eagles, they say yesterday, the temperature on

the field was 157 degrees. Is that even possible? And they say that players' cleats were melting. Yes. The plastic on the boot of their cleats was melting from the heat. You saw them having to pour

water on the bottom of their feet to cool them down. Right. That's how hot it was. I mean, I've heard of unbelievable, like, track temperatures in auto racing. Yes. And certainly, we've seen some, you know, wicked hot conditions for these early season NFL games, college football games. I don't think I've ever heard a number like that before 157 degrees.

Another case for a grass field because that's exactly what the players are saying. Yeah, the artificial grass is what's causing, you know, that heat. heat. The Eagles head coach, Nick Siriani, whatever the hell his name is, he damn near passed out. Yeah, you needed an IV. They had to jam an IV into his spokes to keep them going. They say it was 95 degrees when they kicked off. Heat index of 105, but because of that rubber field, it turned into 150. I'm surprised guys just didn't drop dead. Which is another reason why I believe the Titans are moving into. to an indoor stadium. Are they?

In the near future. That's too bad. Players were, like Brad Ryder mentioned, after the game, players said, look, this is another argument for all NFL fields to be natural grass. And a lot of them said, you know, the NFL had to know what the hell was going on before yesterday. Why didn't they just push us back to a 7.30 p.m. start or something like that, for Christ's sake. Give us a break.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. 157. Jesus, Paul's. All right. Yesterday's NFL scores up and down. I guess the ones that I noticed. Well, of course, you know, Green Bay. Got to keep an eye on those poop bags.

Yeah, they won an overtime game at the New York Jets. We mentioned that Cleveland beat Tampa Bay. Yeah. Buccaneers seem to be a little lost so far. New Orleans beat. Baltimore on the road. I thought that was somewhat notable. I think New Orleans is a lot better than people are going to give him credit for. Well, good.

I think Tyler Shuck has proven to be a really good starting. I got a song about him. Tyler Shuck. You can go ahead and suck. Josh, give me another clean word I can use. I don't like the word you used last time. Don't muck it up. Oh, no, you're right.

Tyler Shuck. No, no, you don't have to do it. Go ahead and suck. Nope, nope, we're good. Josh is a cuck. He did it. I was hoping that Kansas City would lose last night, but they didn't. I think everybody was.

How about the Raiders beating the Chargers? The Raiders are now 2-0. I didn't bring them up. I didn't want to bring it up. Oh, come on. MVP candidate Kirk Cousins. Yeah, they're one of the best stories so far in the NFL. We all know where this is headed, though, right?

Total disaster. Well, where Kurt Cousins goes, total disaster follows. We'll see. It's a matter of time. I would say that's one of the big stories. I think the Brown's winning yesterday. I really do think the Saints are better than what we gave them credit for to start the year. I think the Panthers are really good too.

Offensively, they have scored a ton of points and they've got some real weapons on offense. I think that division is there for anybody's taking because, The buccaneers look like they're struggling and the Falcons are not going to be very good. The Falcons are terrible. I think the Falcons and the Dolphins are the two worst teams in the NFL right now. They don't look so good.

Yeah. You may be forced to choose a side with Kirk Cousins versus the Chiefs if those two teams continue to win, Nick. Oh, yeah. I may be forced to choose. Well, in the AFC West, I mean, that division could come down to those two teams.

What two teams? The Chiefs and the Raiders. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh. Her cousins against Patrick Mahomes, who you got? NASCAR. I find out what's going on with NASCAR that night that day when those two teams play. People are texting in about ridiculous heat.

Listen to this some bitch. He says, when I was in Qatar with the military, Qatar, did I say that correctly? Yeah. When I was in Qatar, we had a week straight where it was high 130s. Oh, man. That's why they had to. move the World Cup over there to November and December four years ago. 135 to 139 degrees, he said, on average, during the day.

Oh, that's rough. He said, we'd work at night when we could when it was, quote, cooler at around 100 degrees. Golden Gopher quarterback Drake Lindsay threw for 204 yards and three touchdowns this past Saturday. The U of M destroyed the University of Akron's Football Club by a final final of 41 to 7. so that was fun. Yep. But now the real fun begins. No more non-conference jibber-jabber.

The boys begin. We're going to find out what they're made of right now. Well, not this week. We're not. The boys begin the Big Ten schedule Saturday at number 24, Washington. Unfortunately, that ball game starts at 10 p.m. local time. Oh, Lord. That's so crazy.

Which just pisses me smooth off. It is the latest college football game on the school. schedule this weekend. It is the latest game. How unfair can you be to the folks here in town who love to watch the Golden Gold? I know. That is insane. That is stupid.

It's insulting. Yes. And you know they last about three and a half hours these college games. Oh, college football games go forever. It's going to get over about 1.30 in the morning. That is so frigging disrespectful and stupid. Give us a chance to watch our ball ball. Then they'll start a U.S. Open tennis match after that.

I'll tell you, Josh. Josh, I still believe 100% that corporate radio rules. We win every time. We really do. We hear at corporate radio are undefeated, but corporate sports totally sucks. 10 p.m. start for the Gopher's first Big Ten conference game. Blow me. Ridiculous.

They can roll right into the Vikings pregame show. Yeah, you might be to stay up. Honestly. No kidding. If they were playing one of those London games or something, that might actually be true. Yeah. I hate it. Oh, man.

College football fans are calling the University of Oregon football club classless for tuning up their opponent over the weekend. Portland State. They tuned them up to a final final of 84 to Dick. So the Ducks scored four quick touchdowns in the ball game. Five minutes left in the first quarter, they're up 28 to nothing. They scored a touchdown on 8.5. of their first nine possessions. They led 77 to nothing,

had a possession with under a minute left in the game. Instead of kneeling on the football, they rushed for one more touchdown. So several fans are slamming Oregon for running up the score. They call it classless. They called it disgusting. And Portland State got a million dollars. So it is what it is.

Now, the article closes out here by saying, on one hand, running up the score against an inferior opponent is never a good look, but on the other hand, the lopsided score allowed the ducks to play several backups who rarely get a sniff of the ball field. Yeah. So you go one way, you could go the other way. Yeah. Play the game.

84 to nothing. Portland State knew what they were getting into and they walked into under the field. They knew the risks. I say, let them crash. What movie? Airplane, 1980. University of Colorado head football coach Dion Sanders has 10 toes again. If you remember, I mean, Coach Prime, this some bitch damn near died.

From these terrible infections, he had blood clots from all the surgeries he's had on his legs, had a couple of toes amputated in the year 20 and 21. The big toe and the second toe on his left foot are no longer. there. I mean, again, it was really, really bad what he went through. They thought at first he was going to lose his whole leg. Then they thought he was going to wake up dead. They solved all those problems. Recently, I don't know how the training staff for the University of Colorado got their hands on two prosthetic toes, but they did and they gifted them to Dion a couple of days ago for him to try on. It was really interesting

to see the video of these prosthetic pose. They kind of pull he pulls him over the end of his foot like a sock. Hmm. Hmm. He was able to walk around with his new toes and they say this

should help prevent all the blisters and all the other terrible side effects of his missing toes. I got a buddy missing his big toe. I wonder if he'll get into this. How did that happen? Was it an injury of some sort or? Well, it was actually a very fortunate coincidence.

His daughter was in a rocking chair, and she rocked over his big foot and broke it. Ow. Over his big toe. Yeah. And then they went to the doctor, found out the toe was actually cancer, had some type of cancer, so they had to remove it. Really? Yeah. Oh!

That's weird. I know. Amazing coincidence. I didn't know there was a toe can. I didn't either. But yeah, just it's jarring any time on Fourth of July. Like, oh, yeah, that's right. Dude doesn't have a toe anymore.

Jiminy Christmas. I know Dion can be a pain in the ass, but I'm glad he's got a couple of prosthetic toes he can drag around now. Maybe he can go on tour again with his music. Oh, yeah. Oh, man, that was bad. Did you buy his records, Josh? We have some here, I thought. Let me look for it.

I remember as a kid I really wanted that album. I'm so grateful my parents didn't let me get it. What the hell was that called? He had a record. Must be the money? Maybe that's the single. The big single was Must be the money. Yeah. Randy Shaver, I got a question for you.

Okay. How's the local high school football season going so far? Anything big happening? Well, sure, there's always something big happening, but yeah, it's off and running. Wizzetta's got a huge game on Friday. Who's Wysetta playing? They're going to play the number one team Moorhead on Friday. Wisetta is undefeated.

They're off to a three and no start. So it'll be a very exciting game on Friday. Must be the money, I would bet over there. there at Wiseeta. Must be the money. Must be. Yeah. The guy's got four gopher recruits, don't they? They do. Morehead sucks. They have six Division I players on their roster, but four of them are going to the gophers, yes. Okay. Big game on Friday. Wiseeta Moorhead. Yes. An Illinois high school football team had to go ahead and cancel their homecoming game

because of a mysterious skin infection outbreak. Not on their ball club, but the skin disease has taken out the bulk of their scheduled opponent for the homecoming game. And I know what you're wondering. Is it herpes? It's herpes, right? I heard that herpes once ripped through the North Stars locker room back in the mid-80s. The boys could barely get up and down the ice for a few games because every swing and D on the roster caught herpes from a road trip to Edmonton and Calgary.

They met some ladies up there in Alberta and everything went to hell. Jesus God. is this herpes? They say it's they don't tell us in the story if this is herpes. I doubt it's herpes. You sure it was Edmonton and Alberta? It wasn't the Thunderbird.

Oh. I remember the Thunderbird. Man, go back in time and party there to just be awesome. But Brad, their bodies were used to what they picked up at the Thunderbird. Ah, yeah, they had grown immune to it. It's that new stuff you talk about. The new stuff up in Alberta. This is the mid-80s.

Herpes had just come to Alberta. the North Stars happened to have a road trip up there. They were off for a few games. That's what the history books tell us because of that trip to. Every disease that was around in the 80s had run through the Thunderburns. But the North Stars and the Vikings and the twins, they were immune to that after a stretch. They could put those herpes on their corn flakes and eat them in the morning. It didn't bother them at all.

So back to this Illinois high school football team, a school called Camp Point Central, was forced to cancel its homecoming high school football game because of its opponent, the Unity Pason High School football program or something. They're dealing with a skin infection outbreak on the football club. What's the one wrestlers get? Yeah, that's the ringworm.

I would think it'd be something like a ringworm. That happens like, you're right, Josh. It happens actually quite a bit with other sports. The article lists off the most likely skin issue that is swept through the locker room of this high school football team. They say MRSA slash staff infection. Oh, that's a bad one. It is most commonly associated with contact sports because it spreads through skin-to-skin contact and shared equipment. They mention your favorite, Josh, ringworm.

They also say that spreads through direct contact with, I'll get there, direct contact and contaminated surfaces. And then they mentioned something called impetigo. Impedigo is a highly contagious bacterial skin infection that spreads through close contact. But the high school doesn't want to tell us what it is because they don't want us to poke fun at them at every turn, I'm sure. And I understand that completely. Sure. Yeah. Could be herpes.

Could be or. The money. Is it the money? It would be the money. Remember that old story about Deion Sanders taking an at bat while Carlton Fisk was still in the big leagues catching for the Chicago White Sox? And so Dion steps in. I think Dion was playing for the Yankees at the time. Dion steps into the batters box. Carlton Fisk is catching for Chicago.

And Dion turns his baseball bat upside down. And with the handle of the bat, he draws a couple of dollar signs. in the batters box before you just done. And Carlton Fiss said, you will erase that right now or I'm kicking your ass. And they did end up getting in kind of a shoving match. All right.

Sticking with high school football, just about every high school football team in America has one or two kids who are built like they're 35 years old. Every neighborhood has one or two of them. We did, you guys did, everybody did. Yep, yep. They say there's a kid playing high school football in California

who might be the tallest going right now. He's 6'9. And I guess what's most interesting about the kid is that he's the kicker. Oh. The kid goes by the name of Garang Garang. He's the kicker for a school called St. Bernard High School. 6.9, 200 pounds. Not a lot of beef on that kid.

Yeah, he looks very thin. He also plays basketball. It would be a tremendous waste of resources if he didn't. But he also decided to try kicking this football season, and he's getting it done. Getting it done. I saw some video with a kid. He seems to be very accurate. He isn't the tallest player to ever play football.

According to pro football reference, Richard Sly. Played for the Oakland Raiders back in the old American football league. he was a defensive tackle, and he was a smooth seven-foot tall. Do you recall him at all, Randy Schaeber? I don't. Well, I suppose you wouldn't. Now that I'm reading more about Richard Sly, he only played in eight games in the 1967 season, then he retired.

But he played college football at North Carolina something or another. The Raiders drafted him. He was a defensive. He was a smooth seven-foot-tall. Morris Stroud at 6-10 is the second tallest player in the history of the NFL. played tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs from 69 to 74. He actually... I do remember that name.

He actually started 69 career games, scored a few touchdowns. I had his football card. You did? That's why the name is familiar. Big Morris Stroud, 610. Dan Skipper, currently an offensive assistant for the Detroit Lions, was also 610 during his NFL career. He played from 20 and 17 to 20.

and 25. He was an offensive tackle. But what do they say here? The tallest kicker in the history of the NFL went by the name of Neil O'Donohue. He was 6-6 played from 77 to 85. 6-6. Boy, I bet in 1977 that looked pretty friggin weird. Right? Yeah. So how about speaking of players in hanging around. How about Laquan Treadwell playing for the Colts last night? Okay, someone texted that to me.

How about that? This is his 11th year in the NFL, the former Vikings receiver. When he was here, you would have won a lot of money betting people that he would be in the league 11 years. Oh, he was garbage when he was here.

I have to admit, I have zero memory of Laquan Treadwell. Really? I don't have one single memory of Lecois. Yeah. He had three catches last night. He's a former Viking? Yeah, former Viking. Huh.

Oh, my God. Yeah, I don't remember him. He will not be going in the ring of honor for the Vikings. He will not, but you know what? To survive in the NFL for 11C. And I thought Paul Chartian had a stat of his, I think he averages 10 catches a season over those. 11 years.

We don't want to wear the guy out. Yeah. So pretty funny. Oh, this is cute. We have a listener out there by damn named Matthew Stafford. No. Well, yeah, that's not that hard to believe. I mean, I just talked about a kid named Garang Garang,

if we had two of those, that'd be a story. He's always gone by the handle of not the Rams quarterback, Jesus. This listener out there by the name of Matthew Stavis. Tonight you get to see the Rams and the Argonauts, I think, play on Monday Net Football. Yep. This is funny. We were talking about that herpes outbreak on that high school football team. So Matt Stafford, our listener, says his very first nickname he got in middle school was staff infection.

Oh, no. He says his parents did not like the nickname. I don't blame. And he says, for the record, I never had a staff infection. The twins and angels split their series. over the weekend. The boys won yesterday. Eight to Dick. Alan Roden hit a three-run

Dong. Dean Kramer pitched a great game. Josh Bell three hits. Brooks Lee, three hits. So, yes. Can we just say that the Josh Bell experiment was really a success? Oh, without a doubt. I mean, 91 RBI as we

head into the final week of the season. I don't know what his status is for next year. I know he's... Right. was a really good clubhouse guy too. I hope they bring him back because they should be able to. They should find a spot for him. Brooks Lee's been very solid.

They moved Jenkins to the leadoff spot yesterday. You know, he's starting to hit a lot better. And they called up Aaron Sabato, who was the first round pick in 2000. So he's going to get a chance to play for the first time in the majors this week, too. he's 27 years old, 27-year-old rookie. So they're getting a chance to see a lot of different guys. And, you know, Dean Kramer pitched a pretty good game yesterday.

Josh Bell signed a one-year contract with the twins worth $7 million. I hope that was a deal. That was a deal. I hope that they can figure out something to bring him back. I'm a fan. I'm with you all the way on that one, Randy Shager. Yep. By the way, again, back to this herpes story.

Listeners, our listeners have a lot of theories and whatnot on the herpes. Well, I mentioned that herpes first came to Alberta, Canada in the mid-80s. And it just so happened, the North Stars had a road trip up there, and they got a little funny with some of the ladies up there. By the time they got back to Bloomington, the whole locker room was just crawling with herpes. Fat Moose Jesus texted, and he knows something about the, origin of herpes in Alberta in the mid-80s. He said that the original carrier, Josh, of the herpes, was a grizzly bear.

He said, they got some tough dudes up there in Alberta. Yeah. Dang. Yeah. They got some tough dudes up there. Wow. The twins begin their final road series tonight in San Francisco. Yeah.

There's not a lot of, there's not a lot of drama around. the baseball playoffs the last week of the season. I haven't been following. Everything's pretty well set. Okay. Well, not the wild card in the division, but the teams that are going to be in it. I'm going to start dialing into that, Brad, Ryder. I haven't really looked it up.

The Central is close. The West in the American League is a game, Texas. And again, 500 right now can get you into the playoffs in the American League West. but everything else, you're right, Brad, everything else is locked up. The American League has it's been basically all year has been kind of a muddled mess of 500 clubs. Here's what I know.

The Atlanta Braves clings to National League East. The Boston Red Sox are officially in the playoff. This was all yesterday's news, meaning it became legitimate yesterday. The Milwaukee Brewers won their 98th game. That's a franchise. record. Because of the way they've got the bracketing set up to the American League Central teams are going to end up getting a little bit of a break because that

wild card team, if it's the White Sox or the Guardians gets to play either the Rangers or the Astros in the first round of the Yankees and the Red Sox have to play each other. Right, right. See now this is unbelievable. We open up a can of worms, you know, talking about that listener named Matt Stafford. We have a listener who just texted in and said his name is Daniel Jones. Oh, really? No one makes this stuff up, Randy Schaber. This is all real life.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, we got a listener named Spurgeon Win. Wait a minute here. He says he spells it different than the quarterback. Okay. All right. Despite the links losing to the New York liberties on Friday,

point guard Olivia Miles tied Caitlin Clark for the most points by a rookie in NBA history. and then she broke the record yesterday when they played Connecticut. She scored 21 points, so now Olivia Miles is the highest scoring rookie in the history of the WNBA. And we're effing proud as all hell. Yeah, that's terrific.

I have two games left. I was going to say, are we going to do these playoffs eventually here? I think we've got two games left, yeah. Now, the most exciting, not only the most exciting basketball news, but the most exciting news of the day, well, I should say of the weekend, was when I learned.

And I'm going to have a hard time with this, Josh. You know, I get emotional when I talk about this. You love this person. I learned that the greatest basketball player to ever live, Hakeem the dream, Elijah won. The most beautiful basketball player ever. His son made an official recruiting visit to the Golden Gophers program.

His son, Malik Elajawan. And I don't know where this is going to go. But if Malik Elajawan ends up playing for the Golden Gophers and Hakeem is coming to the home games, I am going to be an inconsolable mess. I was going to guess you'd get season tickets just to kiss you saw him. I will. Sitting on the side of the court there.

Nick's following him home. If the dream comes to Minneapolis, you may never see me again. What if he moves to Wizzetta? Josh, I don't want to talk about it. Have him stay with you when he comes into town. But I've written a song about it. Oh, good.

It must be the money. I'll work on a song. I have nothing written. I'll work on a song. That's pretty exciting. It all started. Somebody sent me a picture of Akeem. I saw that.

Social. Akeem the Dream. standing in at Willam Arena. At Willem Marina. With Jim Peterson. And Hakeem had gopher stuff on. Yeah, and I thought, is this Photoshop? What is this?

Hey, we got a listener out there named Steve Martin. Here's a listener who says his name is Mark Messier. Here's a listener who says his name is Brett the hitman heart. Oh, wow. It'll name the hitman, huh? Now, speaking of Golden Gopher Sports, former Golden Gopher Rassler and Olympic rassling champion,

Gable Steven, was on the receiving end. Was on the receiving end of what they call here one of the most shocking upsets in UFC history. At an event called UFC Part 331 this past Saturday, it took just 12 seconds for Steven to be knocked smooth out by a dude named Sean or something. Did you see this? Yes.

Yeah. Wow. He's no longer the pride of E-Sue. That guy went to Apple Valley. You're dumping him after that? Dumping him. See, here's the thing. I don't know Dick about the UFC, but Steven's a wrestler, not a fist fighter. Dude knocked Steveson out when they were throwing punches toe to toe.

That's not an upset in my book. If they were on the mat and that Sean dude folded Steveson up like a damn tent, that would be an upset. But all of what I just said might be the liquor talking, but this guy's not a fist fighter. He's a wrestler. Yeah, but it's not like he hasn't been training for this either, though. So, you know, it's not like he walked in their cold. I'm going to give him a break. Oh, but this part sucks, though.

Down goes Frasier. He got hit right in the yapper. He went down and lights went out. Yeah, the look on his face afterwards was concerning. It was like they told them what happened. He's like, wait, who was in a fight? I didn't even know how I got here. Which one of y'all punched me?

That's what it was like. Now, he did get booed by the crowd. and this was not cool. Stevenson left the cage before the official result, you know, where they raised your opponent. He left before congratulating his, that's pretty chicken dick right there. Well, to be fair, his brain was an omelet at that point.

You got to show respect for your opponent. He didn't do that. So there you go. He got knocked smooth out. You got knocked the F out. Like what Craig did to Debo. I didn't think Craig was going to do. going to win that fight against Debo.

I didn't. But that's why they play the game, Randy Shaver. That's right. According to one of our listeners, Donald Igwee Buque. You got not to fuck out, man. Is he still serving time? He is not. Give a guy.

Guy deals a little coke. It's not a... God, I cover that guy when he was here. Holy cow, what a mess that was. My old man loved to sit down and watch Donald Igwee Buke kick a football. Yeah. We rallied around the Vikings for a couple of years simply because of Donald Igwebueke.

Yes, sir. Iggy. We love to watch Iggy get out there. All right, there you go. Randy and Brad, thanks very much. You bad. You've done wonderful things for the program, and we'll talk to you tomorrow. Coming up next, Dr. P. Jesus is going to visit the program.

651.551.933. If you have a question for it, the doctor, we'll be back in a few minutes. 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition I think you should join me.

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Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawalable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Dr. P. Jesus. The 93X. Half-assed Morning Show. Here he is. Our in-studio guest today is our old pal, Dr. P. Jesus.

651-551-933 is the telephone number if you'd like to text a player. A question about your broken down yet beautiful body. Hello, Dr. P. Hello. Good to be back. But it feels like it's been a long time. It has been, like at least a month, right? Yeah, I think so.

My God. Do you like surprises? Like a surprise birthday party or something? Similar to a surprise birthday party? Absolutely not. You don't? No. Well, then you're not going to like this.

Well, good. We have a surprise for you. Oh, boy. Let me give you a little background on this. A little background. Friday night we went ahead with another one of those boat parties. You've been on one of our boat parties before, haven't you? I have absolutely, and I'm sorry I missed that one.

I was out of town still. That's okay because you've been on the other one, so it's all right. It would have been a lot of our coworkers don't support those things, but you do. Exactly. If you would have been there this past Friday, then we wouldn't be able to have this particular conversation. So I'm kind of glad you weren't there Friday because then we wouldn't have had this opportunity. We're on the boat. We're doing this, we're doing that.

Had a few Steve Weisers. During our boat ride, Josh Upton met a lady, a lady who loves you. She does. She handed Josh an envelope while they were on the boat together. She handed Josh an envelope and she said, give this to Dr. P, will you? In the envelope, she asked Josh, go ahead, open it. She told Josh, you can go ahead and open it if you like. When he did, inside the envelope, she included her telephone number and

a rubber. Now, I've met her many times at various events. I hope she doesn't mind me using the word adorable. She's a lot of fun to talk to, spend some time with a very pretty young lady. Yeah. And so she has a thing for you. Wow. We decided to surprise you, Dr. P.

Waiting on the telephone line right now is this this desperate and aggressive young lady. Oh, boy. You're not able to handle this type of thing. No. She's willing to introduce herself to you. Are you there, lady? Yes, I am.

Can you share your Sheez's name with us? I am the I grope Dr. P. Sheesis. Yes, I groped Dr. P. Sheezes. I think, I'm pretty sure I've met her. I think that was a year ago on the boat cruise. That it was. That's where the name originated, yeah. The two of you have met.

bet before. Yeah, I mean, I was groped. In the best of ways. That is a legit name, yeah. So in honor of your guys' one year anniversary of the groping, she was going to try to make the end's official, I guess. Wow. Okay. And you're a single gentleman? I am, yeah. Believe it or not. I am. Oh, wait. Yes, I absolutely am.

Thank you for joining us on the air this morning. I groped Dr. P. Shoes. Certainly. Thank you for joining us. I didn't realize that the two of you had met. Yeah, yeah. Well, unless there's more than one I groped Dr. P. Sheez's is, which I guess there could be, but hopefully not. This was a pretty special moment on the boat Friday when you passed your number and that prophylactic to Josh.

Like I said, I always enjoy seeing you at our events, and thank you for coming out to support us like you do. sure but when she not you bastard I grew up I grew up Dr. P. Sheez's but I appreciate you of course as well much love much love but it was really funny when she

handed me that and I thought here we go we're going to make a love connection I mean talk about upfront and forward I mean some people do it that way others a little more shy about it let me just if you don't mind me us playing kind of the

the middle men or middle people in this possible relationship. I grew up with Dr. P. Sheises. Tell us a little bit about yourself. What do you do for a living? What's your situation? I work as a nurse. I'm also single, so that's good. Okay. So you two have your profession in your profession. I've heard enough. You're meant to be. We can talk jargon. Dr. P., have you ever been made? married before? No, amazingly. What about you? I grow up to Dr. P. I can't do that over and over again. Can you give us some type of a name to call you? You can use my real name. It's Amy.

Amy. You've been married before? No, I have not. Children? Nope, no kids. Dr. P. ain't got no babies. No, not that I know of. Pretty sure I don't. And the fact that you guys, okay, you met before, Oh, Amy, do you like dogs? Because I know that Dr. P is really into the rescue. Yeah, dog rescue and all that. Yep, like dogs. I have a cat. Okay.

What do you remember about when you met Dr. P. a year ago? What do you remember about that first encounter? Well, I was asking Amy first, actually. Oh, sure. Yeah, Amy. What do you remember about that first encounter? So the original ass man is my wingman who came to the boat. cruise a year ago with me as well. He was nice enough to follow Dr. Pete into the bathroom and tell

him that we had a funny question. We had to ask him, and so he came over to our table, and we talked for a while, and I think Dr. P. is hilarious and super nice. And yeah, then later, after some nice liquid courage, I thought, why not grab his butts as we were leaving the boat? You didn't ask for his phone number. He just grabbed his ass cheese. weeks. Yep. He's my kind of girl, Dr. Pete. No, that's exactly how I remember it.

Yes, her wingman asked me a question, a theoretical medical question that I cannot repeat here. Oh, no. Oh, I got to hear this. And I thought it was serious. And I was trying to answer it. And then he's like, no, we just made that out. It was very funny.

I mean, obviously, you're quite interested in our buddy James here, or else you wouldn't have handed one of his friends, your number and a condom. Probably not. You're interested. What, I mean, like, give us an idea, Amy, what kind of, you know, activity you might want to use the condom for? Do you guys want to, like, go bowling? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you picture?

doing with Dr. P. I mean, I'm trying to avoid the easy joke here. You know what I mean? What would you like to do? Picture, give us an idea of a nice date with the man. What would you be interested in? You know, coffee's nice, dinner, drink. And if it goes somewhere with the common, that is what it is.

You son of a bitch. There you go. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out. And it's great to know that maybe a love connection was made on the boat. Yeah. People were saying how often does that happen? True, the love boat. I know it did happen this last week.

My son, he brought a buddy who ended up going out with one of the bartenders. Are you serious? I got to watch this all play out in real time. It was fascinating. You could tell that she was eyeing him and stuff, and then we were encouraging him, and he went up and he got her number, and that's awesome. And my son had said, I don't get it. She seems normal and attractive, and he can't figure out why she would go out with his buddy.

friend is not normal and attractive. The love connection was made. It was. Every girl needs a hiccup somewhere in her dating. Oh, boy. That's normal. Maybe that's what it was. Well, Dr. P, it's all you now.

I know. We've got to figure this house. It's all you. Coffee and condoms. It'll be a fun evening. Well, we've got your info. Thank you for calling in this morning and for, like I said, coming out to our promotions.

It's so fun to see you. I hope you guys end up together. I wonder if the two of you have any kinks in common. Oh, I'd like to know. Yeah, let's get into that. Be laid on us. What weird stuff are you into? Hey, Amy.

Yes. Thanks for taking a chance and coming on the air with a... You're obviously a very courageous person. That could have gone a lot of different ways. No kidding, right? I thought about drinking already this morning. And if things don't work out with Dr. P., who would you like him?

to pass that condom. Who would you like him to pass that condom onto? Well, it was bad enough I had to give it to Josh. I was a little shy. I was like, I don't know if I can give this to Josh. I hope your mother doesn't find out about this, Josh. I'll tell you, I was trying to think the last time I held a condom. Yeah, I bet, yeah.

I mean, decades. Amy, thanks for listening. And we hope you have a lot of success in your quest. to climb Mount James. Thank you. See you later, Aydie. Thank you. Sorry to put you on the spot.

Dr. P, we couldn't help ourselves. Yeah, you turned a couple of shades of red. No. Yeah, I'm flustered. We couldn't help ourselves. Plenty of people are texting in with medical questions, as they always do. It gets busy when you're here. Short but fat, she just had a question.

She's having spinal, she said simulation, but I'm assuming she means stimulation. Which is it? Well, a spinal cord stimulator maybe, or I guess I'm not sure what she means. Well, she wrote spinal simulation surgery. Is that just a misprint? I don't know what that would be. I'm guessing a spinal cord stimulator implantation. So she was curious what to expect. She said she's really nervous and was hoping maybe you could explain the situation. Well, it might be good if she could text in a little bit more. I was going to say fax in, but that's a little bit outdated.

Don't fax. You are flustered. I know, seriously. Yeah, I mean, a spinal cord stimulator, there is no simulator. So stimulator is a electric device that is used to help treat certain types of chronic back pain. So typically, though, if you're going to have that done, you would already have had a trial with it, where they basically, they do have to put these little electrodes down towards the spinal cord, and then there's something that's on the outside

that delivers this electrical stimulation that you feel a little bit, but it kind of overrides the pain sensations you're getting. And if you have a successful trial with it over, I guess I'm not sure how, I think a week or something, then they can actually surgically implant this thing so that it's all under your skin. Sort of like a pacemaker.

It's essentially, it's kind of like a pacemaker for your spine, but it's for pain, not for making anything. Interesting. contract. Interesting. Do you know once that's a like say somebody has that and they're living with it if like they, they notice it every day or does it become just like a part of them, how a pacemaker would? Yeah, I think, I mean, in terms of the actual device, I don't think that's too much of an issue.

I think sometimes people do, they're aware when it's on or when it's not. But actually, yeah, a friend of mine actually has one and I've talked to him a little bit about it. He's aware of it, but mostly he's just grateful that it seems to help. kind of, it just helps bypass the pain signals that he would be getting from that area of his back. So they can be helpful. There's not, it's not for everybody. That's really interesting. There's certain conditions for which it, you know, has sort of an indication or, you know, a covered reason. But yeah, I'm guessing that's what it is. It's, it's not a huge deal in terms of actually putting the device in.

I mean, it's, it's not like true spine surgery. I mean, they're not cutting bone. They're not, they're basically, just implanting something unless she's having something very different. Okay. Fair enough. Here's a guy who has a long history of arthritis in his family. 22 years old. I didn't know that was something that you passed down generation to generation. I mean, it depends what he means a little bit.

Does he say anymore? He just says, my family has a long history of arthritis. I'm 22. What are the things I can do to prevent it from getting bad? preventing arthritis. I don't know what the hell you can do. Stay off your computer. I don't work for a living.

Exactly. Lay in your bed all the time. No, I mean, it's, it sort of depends on what type of arthritis. I mean, the most common is osteoarthritis, which is, you know, that's what I had. That's why my knees had to be replaced. So it's a combination of injuries. I mean, typically arthritis is a combination of injuries, but it's also just aging. And, you know, our joints start to wear out and you get extra bone in there.

and things aren't working normally. Definitely, you know, lifestyle, what you do for a living. I mean, you know, people who are climbing and doing framing all the time, I mean, they just beat their bodies up or stuff like that. You know, there are, there's inflammatory arthritis like rheumatoid arthritis or psoriotic arthritis, which is an arthritis associated with the condition, the skin condition, psoriasis. So there's a whole host of things. I don't know that there's a lot you can do to prevent it

It would be this is one of those situations where I would need more information like yeah is it early arthritis You know I mean there's again there's like yeah there's all sorts of conditions that could start earlier in life and maybe Then maybe you would want to do a bit of an evaluation even a genetic testing carbon out a hell of a lot you can do until you get it Yeah I mean not not really Yeah, I mean, and telling someone to avoid injuries is sort of like, okay, well. Thanks. Well, maybe this question will be better for you. Hey, Dr. P, I went out with a nurse last weekend named Amy, and she was really aggressive,

and now I have this really bad rash on my privates. What is it? What is that? He said, I'm just kidding. That's Ginger Welder Jesus. Retired Army mechanic, Jesus is wondering if he has dislocated his ribs. He said he fell down hard about three weeks ago on some stairs. felt like a, felt like shucking a knife digging into his side in kidneys.

Urgent care said nothing fractured or broken, but now I'm a little more mobile but still tender. I can almost feel it shifting when I'm moving or laying down. Also, he said the front of his upper leg goes numb when he lays flat ever since the accident, but he's not sure if that's related. Man, whoa, okay. A lot happening there. Yeah. Front of his upper leg.

And did he say, where did he say he got hit? Like a kidney area? Is that what he said? He said, where did he say where? It doesn't necessarily say where he got hit, but he fell down the stairs. Okay. I mean, you can, you know, you can have rib fractures that aren't obvious on x-rays. That's pretty common.

They're just, they're hard to see. There's not a lot you do for rib fractures. I mean, you don't, you know, they used to kind of, like, bind people up. But that just increases the risk of pneumonia and other things. I mean, you can't, you know, you can't put a cast on a rib. So it has to heal over time. You just sit there and you pray you don't have to sneeze. Yeah, basically.

You know, if there's lots of bruising in that area, that would sort of support the idea that maybe there is a rib fracture. Have you heard that from somebody, Nick, that had a broken rib? They just are afraid to sneeze or laugh. Laugh, cough. Oh, yeah, cough would be a big one too. Taking a deuce is no fun. Anything where you, you know, increase the pressure in your chest. Pegging.

Oh, no. Yep, that too, I guess. Yeah. So in terms of the ribs, you know, it's quite possible that they're injured. I mean, if you're having shortness of breath or something like that, they would suggest injury to lung or if you're having a lot of abdominal pain, suggesting maybe you could have hurt an internal organ that just wasn't recognized initially, then you definitely want to go be seen.

The thing about laying on his stomach, you get numbness in the... I'm not sure if I can come up with it. That part's kind of scary. Yeah, that's a little... Could it be related that you can think of? Anytime you fall and you feel some numbness in your lower body. I mean, that's the thing. Falling down the stairs, you know, it's not like, well, it's not like falling against one object.

I mean, you have multiple hits and multiple mechanisms, basically. So, yeah, you probably want to go back in and see because could you have injured your spine a little bit? Josh had an aunt named Bunny that always fell down the steps, didn't she? She did. Oh, really? Hi, everybody. Are they? Hi.

Dr. P. Jesus. Welcome to the half-assed morning show for 983X. All right, yeah, we're sitting here with Dr. P. Jesus. It's our Ask the Sexy Doctor's segment. The women in our listening audience go crazy for the guy. Boy, you're not, there's a couple other ones that have texted to Dr. P. Really? We got a few more minutes set aside here for some questions.

Starting with this one here, how far will you go with a woman on a first date? This is my medical record. recommendation? Or this is asking me. This is just you, James. Just a regular, when you take off the coat, when you're no longer Dr. P and you're just James, how far? I mean, I'd probably drive like 15, 20 miles. That's about it. Farther than that, I don't think. If you're just tuning in, we had a little fun earlier. We surprised Dr. P. We had a lady come on to the program on the telephone line who has a little bit of a crush on Dr. P. She expressed this to Josh last Friday on her boat party, and we got her on the line to talk to Dr. P a little bit. I think the two of years are going to go ahead and bump.

She made it clear that's what she's interested in. She did? Oh, because of the gift. The condom. Yeah. I guess. Yeah, I suppose that's pretty clear. Do you mind answering a question? Somebody's asking on somebody else's behalf.

They say, my boss recently had hip replacement surgery, and he's supposed to be coming back in a week. Is there anything I can do to stop that from happening? Maybe loob up the stairs. Right, I mean, right. Something like that. I can't think of anything that wouldn't possibly involve, like, criminal charges. That's effing clever. Add some more stairs.

Maybe just, like, let him know that things are going great. And maybe he should take a little more time to recover. Spent time with his family. Dr. P., this is going to be really interesting, I think, to hear your answers. to this question, and this goes back to a story we discussed in our stupid news report. So here's the question. What are the different ways that someone can have their nose come smooth off? What are the different ways that you can end up without a nose?

There was a story in the stupid news where a dude was some dope peddling idiot, got arrested for cocaine and fentanyl and whatnot. And when they took to some bitch's mugshot, straight up, full on four alarm, he did not have a nose. Just a hole in this thing. Here he is, Dr. P. So we discussed... Oh, that's like from that...

Fallout. Yeah. Oh, my God. I mentioned that too. It looks like... Oh, that's disturbing. We discussed what we thought might have happened that maybe so much cocaine was going up his skull

that eventually his nose just fell off. But so you tell us, what are the different ways someone could lose a nose? Yeah. I mean, the cocaine usually, you know, it can cause the septum to perforate. So the sort of cartilaginous thing down the middle, you know, that sometimes a lot of people have a deviated septum, which either makes their breathing a little off or their nose just a little crooked. It can eat away at the interior of her nose, but it probably ain't going to make your nose fall off. Right. No, I think that's, I mean, obviously it can be bitten off.

Yeah. Someone suggested that maybe. I didn't even think of that. Sure, of course that's possible. Someone suggested when we told the story, I mean, this guy was like a dangerous derelict. It might have been shot off. It could have been. You know, maybe somehow dragged on your face and it gets ground down and they have to cut it off.

Birth defect, maybe? He gets dragged on his face. I mean, you asked. I love it. I would think if, that's not a real common birth defect. You would think that somebody would have something reconstructive done if possible. Cancer. I mean, that would be the, you know, where it actually had to be removed.

I do know a guy for many years. ago who had cancer in his nose. Yeah. Thankfully, you know, there are some, there are actually amazing prosthetic things that people can have made. I mean, it's almost like movie kind of stuff, but where

do they put that on? Yeah. It actually recreates a pretty real... Misses Doubtfire type stuff. Well, yeah. I wonder how is speech sounds. Oh, good question. I mean, think about, like, how different you sound when you have a plugged up nose. It would definitely sound funny. Yeah, that, you know, on that

show they don't really represent that well probably. His voice is normal. I was wondering, Dr. P, so people that don't have a nose and there's just like a hole there, they just like go about their life and they're cool? Or like, do they have to be worried about like bugs flying in there?

I mean, we go to the movie theater and accidentally throw a kernel of popcorn down there. Do you be in? Or do they like cauterize it enough and kind of it heals enough where it's just like an empty show? Because the picture that Ashley showed you, It just looks like a hole in his face.

Yeah. Yeah. And, I mean, ultimately. And it is, but I mean. Your sinuses are still in there. So that's the thing. I mean, you know, really the, you know, the front of your face, the nose, once it's gone, there's still some channels in there. And there's your sinuses.

And then again, your nose is basically connects to the back of your throat. So can he smell? He should be able to, yeah. I mean, this, you know, the great distances, perhaps. Yeah. The nerve, right, he's really good. No, the nerves. that would help with that are deeper.

So it's more, you know, the flow through our nose warms the air that we breathe a little bit. It does filter out a little bit of stuff, obviously. Right. Dust and things like that. So why you got to have those nose hairs in there, right? Yeah, right, right. Billowing beautiful nose hairs. Some bitches, his nose just came smooth off.

Yeah. I mean, it would be, you know, it's pretty shocking, obviously, to see someone. It is. I mean, you know, Josh, would you be? able to not look at their nose or I would try not to I would certainly try and keep my face neutral yes I mean you'd be I would hope somebody would give me a heads up so I could prepare yeah I mean sadly most of the stuff I've seen like that is cancer related and you know that that head and neck cancer is awful yeah it really yeah I can't even imagine well we got to pull it we got to pull the plug

in this operation but it was a hell of a day for you what it really was I'm still flustered and it's going to probably take me a couple weeks to recover. I said you had some friends texting you already. Oh, geez, yeah. I mean, this gal's crazy about you. Amy is her name. She called in earlier. She's crazy about you.

She seems very friendly. When's the last time you went on on a date? It's been a long time. I've been kind of busy. No, I don't know. Probably a couple years. Did you get some? No, no, I did not.

The sound of defeat in your voice. I know. I love you, don't. Dr. Me, it's okay. This girl, she's almost saying come get some. You know what I mean? She's saying if you would like some, I will provide some. Yes, she didn't even say anything about like a long-term relationship.

She just said to come get some. Well, we'll see. She said a cup of coffee is all that's going to take. Guys, I mean the Starbucks bathroom before you know it. Oh, boy. Thanks, Dr. P. Bye-bye. Shout out to Zach and Taylor from pooping in your shoes, Jesus.

Happy 18th to Kendra from Dad. and happy belated birthday to D-REC from Trucker Chris Jesus. 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy,

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