93X Half-Assed Morning Show - I Just Wanna Jacket, Bro

Episode Date: June 11, 2026

Originally Aired June 11, 2026: Fla-Bong-Go. It's like stealing French fries from a baby. Everything you wanna know about the British sex boat! Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back.

With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-ass morning show. Ninety-nine. Each day is somehow better than the next. At least that's how it feels. And that's what keeps us going forward around here.

Hello and welcome to the 93X half-ass morning show. We've made her all the way to Thursday. You've got to have the right attitude. That's the way to look at it. I mean, today it's a little worse than yesterday, but it'll be a lot better than tomorrow. Each friggin' day is better than the next. Close enough to the ass end of the week, I think,

to get into the beer drinking, for real. I mean, maybe you never pay attention to the day when it comes to your drinking. That's the way I used to do it. It didn't matter what day it was. But if you're one of those who likes to wait for the work week to wind down, I'd say you're close enough at this point. I thought Thursdays were kind of big at the bars for young people.

Oh, yeah. I was just back in the day. It was like Thursday nights, college kids especially would go crazy. Oh, absolutely. Thursday was the best night of the weekend in college. Why is that? I don't know if I ever got it. I need an explanation.

Well, I think because most college kids were smart enough to take Fridays off. Yeah, no classes on Friday typically. Right. That's how my pals did it. That's why we always blew the doors off the joint on. You could do that? Pardon me? You could take Friday.

Well, I suppose I just went to Normandale. I was there. I just didn't do anything. It was either this, Josh, from what I remember. And again, I've never gone to college, but a lot of my friends did. And I spent a lot of time with them. They either were able to completely eliminate Friday classes somehow. Or their Friday class started at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

Well, you pick your own schedule. You register for classes. It's been there usually Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Maybe it's a night class. It's just one night a week, so you got to pick your own schedule. So it was on you. If you didn't want to take classes on Friday, you could easily navigate that. Do you imagine?

I'm going to stay at school one extra year because I'm not taking a Friday class unless I have to. I'm getting hammered on Thursday. Oh, no, you still got your full course load. I'm joking. Yeah, no, there was times where I would have to take like a Friday, early Friday class or like a late Thursday class just because I would accidentally log in to choose classes like 12 hours later than everybody else. Oh, you got to get in there right away. Yeah, it was crazy.

Short foot fat cheeses. She figured it our short, yes, she said it's because it's Thursday. Thursday, yes, thirsty Thursday is exactly what's getting people out. What was Tuesday? Two for Tuesday? Taco Tuesday. I don't know how they do it nowadays, but yeah, when we were kids, my pals were able. were able to make Friday,

kind of like the first Saturday. There were two Saturdays and a Sunday, it seemed. So, yeah, tonight, I mean, I'd say you're close enough at this point. Thursday is near enough to start putting away some cold beers. For you Coors Light Drinkers, like myself, they've got a new gimmick going. At least I think it's new, but I don't follow this stuff very closely. if you've drained a few tall boys in your day, then you might want to step on up to what they're calling the taller boy.

This one is a 36 ounce can of beer. Dang. 36 ounces of beer. You're right, though, this is brand new. Is it? At least the story said they just released it. Okay. But see, the other day, not the other day, that's not accurate,

two weeks ago, I was up north. and I knew I had a 12 pack of beer waiting for me, but just in case maybe I had it in my head that maybe that wasn't enough for me, right? I stopped at a liquor store and I got myself Cubby. I got myself the biggest, fattest can of beer I'd ever seen in my life. Now, I did not check to see how many ounces were in that can. knew it was big and tall and fat and I thought this would be perfect. So I'm just, is this really the first 36 ounce can of beer?

I don't know. It's at least theirs, this dollar boy, but if you got to take a look at it, it's ridiculous. It's hilarious. You know, like, those thunder sticks? What do you mean it looks stupid? I think it looks hilarious. Yeah, and like a funny way. Oh, stupid and a funny way.

It just looks ridiculous. If you, you know, those thunder sticks you might get at a game, you know, this inflatable. That's what it looks like. It does. It's a giant thunder stick. So, yeah, it's the first for them, I guess. That's close enough. The Coorge Light taller boy, it's 36 ounces.

I wonder if our boat party could stash a few of these in the cooler for us. Because, you know, that big, fat-ass beer I was telling you about, it did the trick for me. It was like a nice little starter beer for the night. You know what I mean? And it actually stayed fairly cold. I mean, I know. Dick Tracy about these things, but maybe these days an aluminum can of beer stays colder than it used to be. That was always a thing when I was young, at least. It seemed as if your beer in an

aluminum can got warm fast. I don't notice that so much anymore, but maybe as an older guy, I don't care as much anymore if it stays terribly cold. So it is fun to look at. Now, you drink a lot of Coors. I do. How many O's are in Coors, normally? normally? Two. Just two. How about on this 36 ounce-sons? 14. That's my favorite part about it. Whoever came up with that, that's very fun. Right. The taller boy. You're going to be saying, order it at the bar like that and see if you get punched by the bartender.

Oh, you know what I've heard younger people do at the neighborhood bar? The bartender will give you his typical line. you know, what can I get you, Mac? What'll it be, son? Right? And I've heard a couple of the younger kids do this. Yeah, give me a bush, which is a reflection of their ad, right?

Have you seen their ads? Yes, yeah. And I can't remember if the bartenders came off entertained by that or not. It's probably one of those were the first couple times you think it's funny, and after a while you're going to want to punch yourself in the face. Here's a guy that says it's not. A beer can, it's a canister to hold 36 ounces of beer? Yeah, it holds three beer cans inside stacked on top of each other.

Oh. So three standard cans stacked on top in a coozy. Well, they should have said that. I wish you never told us that. That was misleading. From what I read, and the pictures made it look like a 36. Okay, so it's something or another that you, a sleeve that you slide your three beer cans into? It's a big stainless steel coozy, yeah.

Oh, well, then lick me down. I mean, still fun to look at. And I'm probably very convenient to use, but not as slick as what I thought. If you showed up with that at your local establishment, you think you'd get a lot of crap. Probably you bring out your big beer coozy? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I suppose. I always keep a coozy on me, always, everywhere as I go.

And I like to mix it up. I've got a drawer full of coosies. and I try at least, and this may be some form of OCD, I never try to bring the same coozy on back-to-back nights. Like, let me see what I have in my pocket right now. I always keep it in my back left pocket with a series of folded-up paper towels, as I told you about a couple weeks ago. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I have a thing about if I use a paper towel at the house and it doesn't get soaked or disgusting, I fold it up and put it in my back pocket for future use. So I have, Josh, right here. One, two, three. Yeah, three folded up paper towels. I know. It sounds like I'm cheap and trying to save money.

It's not. Or a hundred. Pardon me? Or a hundred. It seems like somebody in their 90s might have done. Right. Yeah. But I always keep the coozy in my back pocket too.

And I like to keep the rotation fresh. What I have here, Josh, I have a high V. And coozy. You just carry one with you. Yes. Everywhere I go. I know people like that, and I always wanted to do that because I thought it was cool. But I forget and I just have a bunch of coosies in a drawer that never get used.

Some people find it interesting when I haul this out. Oh, you bring your own coos. Others do the same. But some people think it's kind of odd or strange or funny. But so tomorrow, Josh, if you can remember, ask to check. my coozy tomorrow, and I bet it'll be different than the one I have in my pocket right now. Is that just in case you find a rogue beer? Yeah.

That's why you bring it to work? I bring it everywhere I go, just in case. I became kind of hooked on coosies a number of years ago. Drinking. Well, what started this for me is that so many of my friend group, we all drink the same brand of beer now. So it was a way to determine which one was mine. You know, you sit at a table with 8, 10 guys or you sit in a fish house with 5, 6 guys. It made sense to decipher which beer belonged to who.

So I think that's what got it started. And now I always have one with me just in case it's time to have a little Steve-wise. Well, what's odd about it is you, because you come to work and then you go home. Yes. So you must be expecting a beer somewhere in between then on a workday? No, somewhere afterwards. So, yeah, I get it. There's no reason for me to bring it to work, but I do.

Hab it. I just feel comfortable with it. I feel prepared with it. I got my wallet. I got my keys. I got my work coozy. I'm good to go. Yeah, it's like a kid with their blankie.

So the Coors Light taller boy is more of a coozy than it is a giant can of beer. All right, fair enough. That's still cool, but not as cool as I thought it was this morning. Here's the problem. At least this used to be my problem. Tell me if you guys were the same way. The larger, the container, the faster I drank. And then next thing you know, I'm bottomless.

You know what? Because you want to drink it before it gets warm? No, no. See, I don't think so. You say because it was there. Well, you know, I'm that way with food. Whatever you put in front of me, I assume that's how much I should eat, at least. The larger, the pile of food, the more you're going to take it.

Yeah, whatever, I figure like at a restaurant, They probably do research. They know exactly how much I'm supposed to eat. So that entire plate of spaghetti, yeah, I got to eat it. They put it in front of me. You can get in trouble in some places where the portions are just massive. I'm definitely a member of the Clean Plate Club. Yeah, if you go to one of those places where you're supposed to share it with other people,

I'm in some serious trouble. Josh, you go. That stresses you out, the family style? I bet you could go sit at Bucca just for one. Table for one at Bucca. Well, I tried that once. Did you? I made a bet with the server that I could eat.

eat the entire small spaghetti. And I think I could have finished it, but we were on vacation, and I knew if I did, I would have been miserable the rest of the vacation. You're on the toilet the rest of the week? I had to humbly, I thought for sure I could, and I really ran into some trouble. And that was back in the day when I was even more disgusting with how much I ate. Master electrician Jesus is texted in. He always has a can coozy on him at all times.

some people are calling my can-coosie habit my emotional support coozy yeah Josh that was my problem for a stretch of time the larger the container the faster I would drink it a couple of my buddies had the same problem

so they always they make a point to keep the 12 ounces at home because if they have 16 ounces cans of beer at home. They just blow through too many of them and they get too drunk. I don't know.

It's a mental thing. I know what you're talking about. That bad habit started going to BIR. You know, we'd go to BIR for the drag races and you'd go sit in the bleachers all day long to watch the pro stocks and the motorcycles and the funny cars and the top fuel. And, you know, back in the old days, you can just

bring your cooler of beer right up into the stands. And, of course, you needed something. You know, I guess it seemed like a lot of work to be just pounding 12-ounce cans over and over and over again. So what would we do? A lot of people did this. We would go to the gas station and get those big 80-ounce coffee mugs. It looks like a kick drum, for Christ's sake. You know the ones I'm talking about?

Yeah. Massive, massive coffee mugs. Kind of like Ashley's water bottle there. Sort of about. Oh, really. Honestly, I'm glad you pointed that out. Yeah, about the size of me and Ashley's water. bottles, just massive. I don't know how people drank that much coffee, but that's what the

containers were meant to carry. We would pour, I don't know how many beers that would hold, four or five. We'd pour that, pour our beers into our giant coffee mugs, and that's how we would watch the races, just so you wouldn't have to bother to crack a 12-ounceer every 15 minutes. And, and I mean, for whatever reason, I would just blow through those damn things. The bigger the container, the faster I would take it in. It was just a funny little mind-deaf that I couldn't quite get over. Are you guys familiar with the Miller-Light match ball? Making Maps, Jesus said, it's crazy and just as ridiculous. I got to look this up. Go ahead, yeah. Oh, it's a soccer ball. Oh, now I have to say I'm 21. Well, that's a lot of work. Yeah, it looks like it's a soccer

ball that you drink beer or you put beer in. How do you not have to be? How do you not have to be? have this, Dana. I don't know. I've just seen this. That looks kind of cool. Rat Rod Jesus says last time he was in Las Vegas, they had 24 ounce cans of beer. That'll get it done. Yeah. That must have been what I drug out the liquor store cooler a couple weeks ago when I was up north. You know, and again, I was kind of in a hurry and just weep, put it in the, you know, rang it up at the register and went from there. 24 ounces. That's probably what it was. Yeah, tall boys, what, 16? You see, I've never fully under. the difference between a tall boy and a king can.

I don't know. I call them both. The 16-ounce beers that I drink regularly at my neighborhood bar, of course, they know what I drink. I've been drinking there for 30 years. But I've never known if it's officially a tall-boy. What is officially a tall-boy? What is officially a king-can?

16 is a tall-boy. And I'm seeing different information, but it looks like over, more people are saying a 24-ounce is a king-can. Okay. Have you ever seen those fostered? cans, those big blue ones that are like both this wide. First one I ever, that's the first beer I ever drank. They make those

25 ounces once in college my roommate shotgun to an entire 25 ounceer. Didn't stay down very long. Oh, I'll bet not. Nope, nope. He got it done. We're cheering him on. He's high-fiving people. Then all of a sudden, the expression on his face changes to, oh God,

oh God, he backs away. He only held her down for about 30 seconds. It was still impressive nonetheless, though. He got it all down to begin with. Shotgun. We're talking about when you stab the bottom of the can with the screwdriver. Yeah. And you open her up and chug it all down. Fascinating stuff to me. Yeah. I tried that with a mountain dew once. Oh, that must have been stinging going down. Oh, dude, it came up my nose. I bet it did. I can still feel the tickle. Ouch. And I'm the one with the heart problem. I was so fascinated by the pals of mine who could do that.

What did you call the process? Shotgun in a beer. Shotgun. I was, I couldn't. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought they were kidding me the first time they showed me when we were kids. That was so fun back in the day. Definitely couldn't do it now, but... I can't even do a shot properly. Just a regular shot. I don't know. I've never... I bet that looks weird. I can picture you're like using two hands with a shot glass, Josh. Like, well, it's just... I try and, you know, get it through that straw as fast as I possibly can. I can't... I don't know how people just down the hatch all at once. Here's a listener that says, be a man, get a 40-ounce beer. Oh, oh, we're talking about, oh, sure, the 40-ounceers.

they had their time in the sun. Oh, yeah. With my friend group, we thought that was fun for about a week and a half. Yeah, I was kind of like that in high school. The 40 ounces, sure. Edward 40 or Edward 40 hands, you know what it was called? The big bottles. I had forgotten about those, to be totally honest with you.

But that shotgun process, my twin brother and one other dude, well, there was actually a few guys. But my twin brother was probably the best at it back when he was drinking. he could pop again I think it was a screwdriver I think that's what they used to stab that can of beer and I'm not exaggerating it was and that was it

yeah it's down the hatch we always use car keys we didn't use screwdrivers whatever it was I don't remember but he did like three in a row stab suck gone stab suck gone stab suck gone and I thought it was a goof

you know you throw all the cans on the ground and I grabbed the cans, I thought for sure he must have been playing with me. And they were bone dry. I was never, ever good at that power bonging. I could hang with you until the cows come home. But that thousand mile an hour beer drinking gimmick never worked for me. I remember going to a high school party. Of course, there's the beer bong, right?

Yeah. And it was this scrawny little dude from my high school. I liked the guy a lot. By the way, he became a professional pool hustler. Oh, that's awesome. Cool. Which is one of the greatest stories ever told. He became a professional pocket billiards hustler and player.

But he was a scrawny little dude. And he's over here loading up a beer bong. And I said, okay, to myself, I got to step up. If I can't beat this little peckerhead, then maybe I shouldn't be here, right? So I said, all right, Donnie. let's let's you and me let her buck here and bong some beers let's see who can win this pig and I beat him quite handily actually and he said let's go best two out of three beat his ass again three out of five I said okay fine three out of five I beat his ass again and I thought okay

that wasn't so bad I was just like your buddy about ten minutes later ever are you about 10 minute. Spraying everywhere? Well, I made it to the bathroom. But just that super fast intake never settled well with me. I was, like I said, I could not believe what some people were capable of. There's something called snorkeling a beer for bottles of beer better than shotgunning someone said. I haven't heard of that one. I haven't heard of that one. You poured up your nose? I thought maybe they actually used to snorkel. I mean, I have no idea. Oh, sure. Yeah, I lost there for a second what a snorkel was.

Yeah, it goes into your mouth and for underwater swimming, that sounds like it'll F you up. Holy cow, Corona Jesus said Old English used to have a 64 ounce. Oh, my God. You need both hands. Yeah. I mean, like, Nick, this is a 32-ounce water bottle here. Can you imagine two of these? Oh, wow.

I don't have, I've got these tiny hands. I can't hold one of these. You put it that way. Yeah, I mean, this is 62 ounces right here. That's what yours is? Yeah, that's ridiculous. My water jug here is 64 ounces. So who used to sell a beer that size?

Old English. That stuff tastes like a Corona Jesus. Goat piss. I haven't had it. Straight up goat piss. Who's with me? Yeah, no, I've never been my favorite. Here's a Big Toe Jesus who says beer drinking's a marathon, not a sprint.

Yeah. But you got to hand it to those some big. Bitches who can just, p'p, gone. It's... I used to be pretty good at it. That's a whole different animal. I don't know about it anymore. I did do a cake stand last weekend, and that was exhausting.

And then I watched... Wait a minute. You did a kegstand last weekend. That's awesome, Ashley. Yeah, it was my nephew. It was his birthday party. He turned 24, so it was him and, like, all his young friends. And then me and my mom and my...

It was a couple of my siblings and whatever. and yeah they had a cake and so all the kids were doing cake stands and then they wanted all of the adults to do keg stands and we all did so oh yeah I watched my mom do a kegstand that was pretty cool oh that must have been awesome that was pretty sweet did you take

did you take video somebody did she wearing a skirt no she wasn't a swimsuit but yeah it was fun it was a lot of fun I definitely don't have it like I used to when she did in like a mom's swimsuit oh you know poop foot uh poop foot

Poopfoot Jesus wants to be difficult about this. He's one of these guys. Okay, yes, we know. We know. The 40-ounce, the old English, it's not beer, it's malt liquor. We know. Sorry, we refer to it as beer. It looks like beer.

It sort of tastes like beer. Same friggin thing. Sorry, we blew up. Poop foot, Jesus. What, do you brew your own beer? So snorkeling, medical device Jesus, and a few other people are saying when you put a straw in a beer bottle, which provides a vent. It empties the bottle down your throat.

extremely fast. I've never done that. Suck it down with a straw. But how about using it? But has no one ever used a legit snorkel? Doesn't that sound like a college kid? It sounds like a thing. There's another thing when I was in college. It was called the flabongo. You'd take one of those pink flamingos that might end up in someone's yard as a joke.

You pour the beer into it into the belly and then you'd bong it out of its mouth. I never partake, but I saw it a lot quite often. That sounds fun. You got to do that one more time. Yeah, I'm sorry. You know those pink flamingo, like lawn decoys? Sure. Yeah.

Sure I do. There's a hole in the stomach and the mouth is open to, so you pour the beer in the stomach and then you chug it out of the mouth. Out of a plastic flamingo. Yep. Flabongo. Flabongo. That sounds like a lot of fun. I would totally do that.

Anytime we talk about beer bongs or, you know, flabongo type things, I remember in our dorm handbook at St. Cloud State under the list of banned things, it included, you know, alcohol, drugs, mass consumption devices. Oh, yeah. That's what they referred to beer bombs. I remember that. I remember reading that somewhere. Maybe it was, oh, maybe at a concert or a ball game. Maybe they had some rules on the wall or something.

I remember reading that. Mass consumption devices are not allowed. They're getting classy with how they refer to a beer bong. Poopfoot Jesus has checked back in. He's the one that said, no, no, it's not beer. It's malt liquor. Right. He said, I'm sorry.

It's called alcoholism. I forget normal drinkers exist. He's precise. Is that why he's so stern and precise? He's an expert drinker. The definitions. He kind of forgets about the regular folks that aren't as experienced. Well, this all started by mentioning today's Thursday, and I think it's close enough for you folks.

The ones who like to wait until the work week is dwindling. Don't be scared. Go ahead and hit it hard on a Thursday. And check me if you need a can-cozy. I've always got one on me. What else is going on today? Randy Shaver's going to swing by. You'll be here.

I'm guessing we'll discuss that basketball game from last night, but we can wait for that. What were you saying, Jack? Did you guys get any update on the booze cruise? Last we checked, so you go to 93-exam. com and you can buy tickets. Last we checked, it was filling up real quick. And we didn't get any

information that was sold out, but I know it was getting there. So if you're interested, space is limited. And thanks again to our buddies at 10K construction. It's Friday, July 12th, 7 to 10 p.m. Right there in the St. Croix with Stillwater Riverboats, our usual pals.

I don't think we have any firm mathematic numbers. Nothing's set stone but like Josh said we're getting awful close to closing that pig down yeah they were telling us they think you know within this week maybe over the weekend it'll be sold out if not like just a couple left after that right that's fun i love all these texts coming in on drinking in different ways to drink you could bong you could shotgun you can snorkel a beer what about your growlers what about your king cans

what about your tall boys, this and that. Keg stands. Pudgy Jesus. Says, don't forget about the bush beer. You know, the one you have when you get strippers at the house? Oh, I haven't heard that term before. That's outdated. I saw a few of those go down years ago.

At a bachelor party. Friggin' cheap skate pal of mine sat there. I think he ordered a, I don't know, nine or ten bush beers. End of the night didn't have a dime in his pocket. Is the term derived for what I think it's for? Yeah. Okay. So there probably hasn't been a real bush beer since, what, late 90s?

Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, probably. Yeah, they got changed the name. I think there were 20 bucks a shot for a bush beer when we had the strippers over there. And some bitch, I mean, she was sitting on his head all night long. He ordered like nine of them in a row. And then she said, well, that'll be, what's nine times two, Josh? That'll be $180.

He didn't have a dime in his pocket. That's insane to do something like that. Well, he's a friggin. He was drunk off his ass. It was a bachelor party. It was one of those bachelor parties where the strippers beat the living hell out of the bachelor with a belt. It was like so miserable. It was miserable for the bachelor.

The rest of us at the time of our frigging lives. Yeah. Remember that story, Josh, where the stripper was so, I'll close out our break with this story. On this particular evening, the bachelor's was a dry individual, didn't drink. He had quit drinking. So he said, look, I know we got the strippers showing up, but he said, I'm dry now, as you boys know. So I want no part of the beatings and all that crap.

I'm certainly open for you fellers to buy me a handful of lap dances, but I don't want to do all that other crap because you know it's coming, right? And we said, fair enough. So he said, okay, who wants to pretend to be the bachelor? And this Bush beer pal of mine, the one who ordered nine, ten in a row and didn't have any money to pay for it, he raised his hand because he was already tuned up beyond repair. He said, fine, I will be the bachelor, right? So when the strippers show up, he said, there's your bachelor, right? And they're doing this and that and this and that and this and that.

And it comes to time when, and I'm sure most of our dude listeners have seen this gimmick, the strippers put the bachelor on his face on the floor they pulled his pants and underwear's down they take the belt out his pants they're going to give him the beating of his lifetime so disgusting it was tough for us to watch he was a very hairy individual oh no so there he goes and the stripper grabs the belt and she's kind of giving him just little like and we all kind of looked around like

that's it that's all you're gonna she's a very nice gal she didn't want to hurt him too badly so again again Again, the bachelor is on his face. He can't see behind him. And, oh, by the way, the stripper made a couple guys hold his wrists and a couple guys hold his feet, so he can't move. He can't see behind him. Another buddy does this to the stripper. He gives the index finger up to the mouth and goes, shh.

And he takes the belt away from her and replaces the stripper without the bachelor's knowledge and starts absolutely way. on this poor bastard. I'll never forget watching his body tense up when the intensity changed so much from what the stripper was given him to what the... It was a horrible whooping. There's been times, yes.

I've seen those beatings where I thought there should be an investigation. It was too brutal. They went too far. Some of them, they've been waiting all week to whoop somebody's ass. That'd be so fun. Absolutely.

To be the stripper in that situation. You'd like to dish out a whooping, wouldn't it? That'd be so much fun. You should. You're getting paid to beat somebody. somebody up. You son of a bitch. You're imagining every douchebag you ever dated, right?

Yeah. Take it out on them. Dumb fat-ass bastard. Fun. That's the only, like, that's all I come in for. There's like regular strippers, they do all the lap dance. They're like, all right. You're the abuse lady? They'd call you Medusa or something like that. I'm fully clothed. It's not even hot. We got three bachelor parties on the schedule. Get Ashley on the horn.

I'm a little concerned about something. People are telling me I said July 12th for our boat party. Oh, really? I have no idea why I would have said that. Weird. Sometimes you're looking ahead and you see another number and you mix it up. Yes. There is nothing that would make me say July 12th, July 10th, the Friday, July 10th.

I apologize. I have no explanation. I didn't notice a thing. I'm going to talk to a professional about that. I didn't. I think that's kind of a dramatic step, but I didn't notice it. I already made an appointment. You've already made a.

I have to pay a deposit. I lose my deposit if I cancel. I got to definitely figure that out. Well, just remember before you go see this therapist, it's $20 for a bush beer. We've got to take ourselves a break ski. We'll be right back. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh.

That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better.

Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey there. I'm Paula Pan. How do I save money? Most people give you the cliche answer. Stop buying avocado toast. But they're missing the point. Saving tactics usually focus on discretionary spending.

If you want to actually move the needle, you have to look at your fixed costs. Your rent, your mortgage, your car payment. To change these, you might have to move or sell your car. And that's why people don't do it. If you want small wins, focus on the avocado toast. But if you want meaningful change, focus on the fixed costs. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. What the hell were we talking about? Drinking. Drinking beer. Bachelor parties doing this, doing that, acting like full-on, four-alarm juvenile delinquents. We got to talking about the Bachelor Party beatings. Beedings.

And those gals will, I mean, they will whip you upside down, Covey, with zero regrets. I've witnessed it. It's part of the fun. A couple of text messages came in. 651, 989, 993, 93. and all that. What's this guy say? He said,

we had a bachelor party. But those strippers, instead of whooping the bachelor, they cut loose on his 18-year-old future brother-in-law. They got him completely naked and beat him unconscious with a belt. Oh, my God.

Yeah, there's been times where I wonder, should I, am I witnessing a crime, or is everybody cool with this? Poor 18-year-old just thought he was cool getting to hang out with the older guys, you know, just gets his ass whooped in front of everybody. They gave him the beating of a lifetime.

That emotional stuff, that'll last longer, Dan. Yep, it will. And another... Most traumatic stripper disorder. Another listener said, I personally had that stripper beating. She grabbed a very heavy, thick leather belt,

and she proceeded to annihilate me. I was black and blue. I couldn't even be. and sit down at my wedding reception. It was horrible, he says. That does sound horrible. Yeah, I don't really get that. I think there's some real rage there.

I don't know if it's done and fun. Yeah, I think there's real rage. There has to be. They're taking it out on them from all the awful customers they had to deal with all week. If they're gentle, they're having a good day. If they're gentle, they're new. Yeah. It's real.

Some of that rage. I'm not going to argue that. My husband will have a bachelor party. coming up soon. Well, I assume so. He's in a wedding in October. One of his best buddies is getting married. And I could see some stuff like that going down. I can picture your husband getting his ass

whooped. Well, they all do. He would not. I don't know how he would take that. A stripper is one of those big, thick weightlifting belts, you know, just walloping them. I would love that. I'd pay money to watch that show. Yeah, me too.

I apologize if you've heard the story before. But in case there are any new listeners out there, I got to tell the story again of the greatest thing I ever saw at a strip joint. And this was many years ago in the middle of nowhere is in Wisconsin, me and a handful of bros sitting around this topless roadhouse. And Squirrel was with us. Squirrel and I are buddies for life. You guys met them recently out there at the Wise Ed Allegiance. Squirrel, one of the nicest guys you'll ever.

so late at night we've all had far too much to drink squirrel goes off to the to the men's room to take a squeege and we were just feeling reckless and we were drunk and young and this one stripper was hanging out with us most of the night and we said i don't remember how much money we promised her i don't know if we said we'd give her 50 bucks 100 bucks but we said here's the deal here's a bunch of money we tossed a bunch of cash in front of this stripper and we said when squirrel comes back from the pisser let him sit down, let him get comfortable and as soon as he makes a sound

slap him in the face with everything you got and by damn did she ever she slapped him it's possible if you want to know how hard she slapped squirrel in the mush it's possible, Josh, that Dana White was there that evening, and that's where he got the idea for his silly slap fight competitions. That bad. Oh, my dad.

She turned him around in his chair. I can't believe she went through with it. Well, she was a hundred bucks or whatever. Yeah, I know. I still couldn't. She put everything behind it, spun squirrels sorry ass around in his bar stool, and he flipped. I mean, he went into a rage. I can't picture him mad.

for just a split second until we grabbed them and said it was a joke. We paid her. It was a joke. Oh, my damn. I don't even think I slept that night because I could not stop reliving that moment in my life. It was so beautiful and perfectly done. I hope he doesn't mind me saying so, and I don't mean this in a negative way whatsoever, quite the opposite.

But he seems like such an innocent individual. That's what made it even better. Yeah, it's not like somebody who, I don't know, he's just, his personality seems like he, He was really getting picked on there. Oh, dude. He was the most well-behaved of all of us. Oh, I could imagine. That's what he still is to this day, the most well-behaved of all of us,

and that's what made him the perfect target. He had absolutely no idea what was happening. Yeah, he seemed so mellow and even keel and just a, you know, just got a happy guy. Son of a bitch right across the... That was just beautiful. All right. Big bearded Jared, he had the stripper beating, and he said it was enjoyable. Four of them beat him.

Some people like that kind of thing. Some people like a good beating. Here's a listener who said was a listener who's asking, was the squirrel slap heard around the world? Was it over there at Misty Pines? No, but you're close. You're close. Well, I've heard you talk about a lot of those places. I don't know if I've ever heard Misty Pines before.

Oh, you and I got to stop by there someday, Josh. Misty Pines. You would not be comfortable at any point. Oh, aggressive? And that's nothing against the joint. That more speaks to your personality. To your... I'd be the squirrel in that situation?

You just... Your type of person would not be comfortable there. Very close quarters. Oh, is that right? That's why I say that. Very close quarters. You can't hide at Misty's. They'll get you.

I think I know what place you're talking about and if I do that's, yeah, Josh would not do well there. Yeah, even if it's a stripper, I don't enjoy physical contact. No, you do not. All right. People are guessing what bar we were at, what topless roadhouse we were at when squirrel got straightened out and a few of you are correct. Josh was just telling you a few minutes ago

that we've got our own boat party coming up, our formerly infamous Independence Day booze crews. Coming up on July 10th, tickets are up for sale on 93x.com. And while you're there, buy a 10-pack of tickets to the Creed concert. Please. That's not a request. That's a beg. You said July 10th?

I should write that down. I did say July 10th. So yeah, we've got our own boat party. We've been doing it for decades. Decades! Another well-known boat ride has set sail again. They've gone ahead, Josh, with the British sex cruise. And I'll tell you, a sex cruise sounds like fun to me.

It's the British thing that makes me shrivel up. Those people aggravate me. But that's not the point of the story. They've cut loose again with the British sex cruise. If it was all Elizabeth Hurley on there, you'd probably be interested. Probably not the case. We've seen a lot of British people naked, unfortunately, in our days in Jamaica. British people naked.

It was a lot different than I expected. The Jamaica trip, I mean. It's not so much Elizabeth Hurley as it is Mr. Furley. I love Mr. Furley. Who doesn't love Mr. Furley? But do you want to see him naked? I don't know. No.

Well, of course you don't. Mr. Furley. Yeah. What was his first name on the show? Ralph. Ralph Furley, right. Ah, so good. 651-9-9-93-93.

What show? What show featured Ralph Furley? Do you guys know? No. They don't know. They don't freaking know. No. You must have watched the show.

What a great character. Thank you for that. He saved that program. He gave that program an extra four or five years. I'll check the text machine. 651-9-89-9-93 What television show, Ralph Furley And then

After the correct answer comes up Then we can talk about the immense talents Of the actor who portrayed Ralph Furley And we got one here Former baggage handler Jesus Was the first to text in with the correct answer Which is Three's company

You guys ever watch that? Nope Oh, you guys would like it I'm sure I caught episodes back in the day I'm like Nick a Knight or something But I don't have any real memory of it Three's Company, starring the late great John Ritter, and Mr. Furley was played by Don Knott's,

who was one beautiful, beautiful man. You're not kidding. So, we've got our own boat party, but that British sex crews, they've got their thing going. This nightmare boat ride is brought to you by some folks who call themselves killing kittens. Interesting name. Little odd.

They are a, quote, kink positive event company. Everything they do is kink positive. So they launched this pig a day or two ago. Oh, they're going to go all around the world. On this, all over the globe, cubby, they go on this big, fat ass, cruise ship. It's a sex party, don't you know? They call it here. They call it a swinging event. They have themed parties and this and that where middle age people will be scissoring each other's genitalia into dust. Norovirus has to be some sort of mood killer, don't you think?

Is that the one that makes you poop your pants? It seems like cruises now, diarrhea is just a part of it. Yeah, you got to watch out for that. The old poop crews. That was a fun documentary. Oh, that was so nasty. I never watched it. I was a little, I got to be, I got to admit, I was a little underwhelmed by the documentary about the poop crew.

You know, a lot of times people who make documentaries are talented enough where they can make any topic interesting, even if it doesn't seem like it. But you're right, that was underwhelming. I mean, it's poop crews. It's got the name. Yeah, absolutely. You're already interested to find out what happens. I thought for sure it was going to be a, it was going to be a home run.

But after I was done, watching it, it felt like someone put it together in under a half hour. Yep, I agree. And one of the guys they talked to the most was a bit unlikable. Oh, is that the guy who refused to, like, poop in a garbage can? He didn't poop the entire time he was on the boat. I think that's the same guy. Yeah, he was like, no, I'm above that.

So it's a sex party cruise. It's a swinging event, scissoring, hand, play, oral, you name it. But there are strict rules. By God, all passengers are expected to follow these three specific guidelines, which are privacy, or as they say in British, privacy, privacy, confidentiality, and discretion. What that means is you cannot reveal the identity of anyone else who is pumping back and forth on board the boat. Yeah, that wouldn't be cool.

Don't be taking pictures and putting them up. on Facebook, you know, hey, here's me and my old gym teacher sharing a glory hole or whatever the hell. You can't be putting any pictures up online. You can't be throwing anybody under the bus. Naming anybody. They don't want that. This one is a little confusing to me.

Another rule for the British sex boat, you must not represent. No, that's not it. You must not misrepresent your relationship. Meaning if your wife is on board, don't pretend she isn't? I wonder how that rule starts. I don't want any drama. I don't get that. Yeah, some stuff has definitely went down, Josh. So they're saying don't cheat on your significant other?

I don't lie about being in a relationship, yeah. Okay, whatever. Yeah, I'm with you. It's a little confusing. Here's another rule for you, Josh. No jacking off. But I want to check off. That you cannot. I want to joshulate by myself.

There is no jacking off. I know you want to jack off. Let me jack off, bro. I do let you jack off, but not you can't do that on the booze cruise. How many times have I let you jag it? Well, you've never really stopped me. Never stopped you, but you can't do it here. But it would be for my own benefit.

You can't do it on the boat. You're right. How many times? I might do it on the boat, but I know you're not supposed to. Do it on the boat. Then you and I... But that's not my wife. I'm following...

You can't misrepresent... If you jag off on the boat, Josh, they are going to drop you off on an island, and I will have to continue on all by myself. It's kind of weird that... You're kind of weird. I know. I'm talking to somebody about it.

It's weird that that would be a rule. No jacking off. But, you know, sometimes it's a maintenance jacking off where you kind of have to. Otherwise, things are going to be over too quick. You know, you clear your head a little bit. You cannot walk. Now, let me be clear about something.

If you want to go back to your little cabin at the end of the night and tear yourself a new one, feel free. Re-decorate the joint. But in the playrooms, that's the cute name they have for the common rooms, you can't just walk smooth into the common rooms and take to tugging off. You ain't got a partner. If you don't have a partner, you just move along, Pee-wee. Well, what if somebody wants to watch? You can watch, but you just can't play with yourself. Well, I mean, like, what if somebody's like, hey, I'd like you to play with yourself, and I'd like to view it?

It's against the friggin rules. No viewings? And Judge really wants to whack it. It's under a different category? I've never, where am I going with this? How do I say this? I've never seen you with this defiant attitude with the rules before. Yeah, you know me.

I live on the razor's edge. What was your question, Ashley? So maybe it falls under a different category if somebody wants you to do it and you watch. No, there is no other category. No? You, did I not make myself clear? I don't know. Follow the rules, Ashley.

Sorry? And stop masturbating. As a matter of fact, single bros aren't allowed on the boat at all. Because they're the ones who are most likely to stand there in the corner like a goof whacking their bags. That's gross and nobody wants to see it. No single dudes. This stupid, filthy British sex cruise is for solo women or women and their partners only. Wait a minute. That means you and I couldn't go together as a couple, Josh? Solo women or women and their partners only? That doesn't seem right. No, that doesn't seem right at all. As you might imagine,

if you want to board the boat, you have to sign a four-foot-tall, high series of consent forms. There are dress codes and this and that. You can't just go ass naked all the time. People will be trying to eat now and again. And I think they're looking for around five grand in trade to come aboard and don't get cute with that.

They want $5,000, little man, put that in my hand. before you can even walk up on the boat. You know what I didn't see is any STD testing or anything? No, that's probably in the consent forms in there. It's probably in the consent forms in there. It must be somewhere. Yeah, yeah. They didn't make any semen jokes.

I thought for sure, you know, there'd be a semen joke in there. Thank Christ. You didn't make any semen jokes, which is encouraging as well. Oh, I know. I have, I'm wearing a rubber band where any time I want to make a semen joke, I snap it, you know, just on my wrist so I know. It kind of wakes me up to not make you training yourself. If you would have wrote or written this story,

I would have bet my life there would have been a semen joke. I would have been in the first sentence about there's semen everywhere or something like that. Watch out for this. Helicopter fixer or she says brings up a good point. So they're kink positive, but voyeurism is too far. It is odd. I mean, I understand kind of, but it seems like as long as everybody's consenting, do what you want.

Yeah, fair enough, good point to me. I don't care if this ship goes down, to be honest with you. You make a good point, but I'm just telling you the friggin rules. This person, you're right. They said this whole thing sounds like a floating sin, a one-way ticket to hell. Exactly. You know, I think I'm kink positive in the way that go ahead have your kink. Yeah, I think you are.

Nobody gets hurt. Everybody's cool with it. I judge everybody up and down. I think it's just because you're a... Not a judgmental person in general. If it's in the privacy of your own parish or wherever it is, go for it. I put the mental and judgmental. I do. I'm going to go ahead and judge some of them.

Some of them are a little too much. It is a little concerning that they're basically saying that two dudes can't go on the boat together. Yeah, I'm surprised by that, actually. The sex cruise is for solo women or women and their partners only. A couple of dudes can't go on this thing? Wouldn't it be all dudes then to that point? Well, so what? Yeah, if they're paying.

Yeah, they're paying. I mean, yeah, people can say not interested. That would be disappointing, though, wouldn't it? Yeah. There's three women on the boat? Where is everybody? Three women, 497 dudes. Oh.

You guys want to watch the game? Oh, no. It kind of sounds like the early days of our booze crews, doesn't it? Did we have a lot of stuff? Sausage parties? Yeah. Oh, I guess I don't remember. For several years, yeah.

Because we'd have to stock it, you know. We'd get, you know, I don't know if they want to say, but there was a certain client that used to bring girls on all the time. Strippers. Strippers. Okay. It never dawned on me that we were stocking it. I always thought we just considered strippers fun. But now that I guess I can't remember.

Yeah, it was more of a sausage festival. Oh, okay. I've been very lucky that it's changed. I believe you. I just always thought the strippers were there because there were strippers, not because we couldn't get a woman interested in us. The sisterhood was very small. They could fit in a Camry. That's changed, luckily.

The sisterhood has changed. You're certainly correct about that. All right. Can you guys believe how much Dana wanted to masturbate on that boat? That's weird. He wouldn't stop talking about it. God, that was gross. Oh yeah, the ex-girls. How did I forget about the ex-girls? Thank you, angry bus driver, Jesus. What about them?

That they were, we had ex-girls back in the day. Thank God. With all our ex-curs. Oh, it was six, eight girls wearing black t-shirts and black. Yeah, 7-93X on it. Right. Pretty drunk, most of them. Heading to my place afterwards, some of them.

Going home with me, none of them. God help us know. Just recently, we were talking about the dorky little community activities catalog that a lot of us get in the mail. You know, it tells you about all the supposed. supposedly fun activities you can sign up for in your neighborhood. You learn how to swim. You take a cooking class, a karate class.

You can join the community theater nightmare and all that nonsense. And we were given Josh Hell because he admitted that he thoroughly examines his community activities catalog and circles all of the silly little things he'd like to pursue. Yep. Well, what's first for you this summer? I don't have one this summer. I'm not doing one. There wasn't really anything that was, I thought, geez, I could commit to that.

but in the past definitely I've thought, ooh, I should learn how to make a spreadsheet. Although I've never once here even opened a spreadsheet. I thought, why not learn that skill? Learn how to make a spreadsheet. Your beauty. Or sometimes there'll be like a cooking class. I think, oh, I should learn how to cook or something.

That'd be fun. I've always wanted to take those. I want to grill. Please don't, can we not do that again? Well, I'm just telling you. I just want to tell you. In a place called, let me see if I can get the name correct. In a place called Pomona.

Is that California? I think they got a racetrack out there. In a place called Pomona, they recently pumped out their community activities guide. Send them to every stinking address in town. They did. And it says here that some of those catalogs had some porno in there. Really graphic porno. It's kind of funny.

Son of a bitch. They're going to hear about that, I bet. Yeah. The sorry-ass characters on the Pomona City Council, they just feel like absolute jackholes because of this. They don't know what the hell happened. I can tell you this, Cubby, they're very effing apologetic about this. They've already stepped up to say that they're, quote,

working to identify the cause of this porno disaster. They're looking to make sure that it never, ever, ever, ever, ever happens again. Man, that sucks. Although if you got that, I could see you finally circling things you want to try. Oh, I want to try that. I didn't even know he could do that. I do love my hometown, but that would even take it up a notch if in the silly community activities catalog, they included some hardcore porn. I'm signing up for all of this.

Again, it wasn't everybody in town, but some folks, as they were paging through the book, they got some hardcore D.P. porn mixed in. Right there in the pages between unicycle classes and the dog walkers club. Right there and there was some gaping right in the middle of the unicycle and the dog. The only thing that's keeping the Pomona City Council

folks from diving off a bridge right now, Josh, is that supposedly the online version of their activities guide turned out to be porno-free. Oh, thank God. I imagine just the nervous typing and the rapid typing. We got to check. Yeah.

Fish and Chips Jesus said he took a stone carving course earlier this year at the Minnetonka Center for the Arts. Sweet. Stone carving. That's cool. Maybe he can make my epitaph or something. Is that like any other art class? Did you listen to a lot of rush at the stone carving? What music did you listen to?

I swear to God. Come on, get back to us. It's got to be some type of Prague rock. If it was like Buck Cherry or ACDC, I will be shocked. It has to be some type of progressive rock that you listen to while stone carving. I also heard something else about stone carving classes, Josh. What? No jacking off.

But I love to jacking off. I will not allow you to even attend a stone carving class because I know what you're going to try to do. Can I say something like I'll show you rock hard? No, no puns, no jacking it. Uh, whatever. I'm paying for this class. I can jack off in here if I want to. I pay to be here.

I can jack off. I love that mentality. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. We've been competing with Cardi B here. We lost. Hey, I don't know if those bees, that might be Cardi D's. Charles Barkley likes to have a few laughs on that inside the NBA program.

Game three, a couple nights ago, car dib was the halftime act. And so they were shown video of car dib, Cardi B, and Charles Barkley made that joke. He said, I don't know if those are B's. They might be Cardi D's. A dumb joke. Yeah, it was, you know, I love Charles Barkley, but that joke's been told a million times.

Oh, is that an old one? Every time I see... I hadn't heard that one yet, Cubby. It's good. Every time I see him, I don't recognize him. He's getting so thin, so fast. Is he losing weight? Yeah.

Oh, really? I haven't seen him in a while. Watch him on the Dan Patrick show from yesterday, I think it was. Like, he's... He looks so different. I'll take a closer look at Charles. They don't look like bees, he said. They look more like Cardi D's.

Last night, I think the halftime act was the Wu-Tang. Yeah. Yeah, how about that? Your pals, the Wu-Tang Clan. They were actually there? I don't know. I just read about it. Oh, I see what you mean.

Yeah, it wasn't like at pobs when they no-showed. Yeah. Well, that was a cluster. Surprising. In that basketball game last night? That was insane. That was me running sideways. That was so much fun.

Randy Shaver will be here in a little while. We'll talk about it. I was reading a book last night. I've been reading books lately. I've finished like three in the last four days. I don't know what's wrong with me. A lot of pictures to get through. Yeah, exactly.

I have to find Waldo so often. Where that is he? I can never find him, Josh. It gets more and more difficult. Sometimes I think he's not even in there. Where are you going with this? My husband made me put it down. He's like, you've got to see what's happening right now.

This is absolutely crazy. He's like, they were down like 30 points. Now look at him. That was great. It was a friggin riot. Hockey game tonight, North Carolina and Las Vegas, and the twins got a win. Randy Shaver will be here in a half hour.

Don't go anywhere. Josh has some more news for you before you know it. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees. Maybe your joints.

You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to

Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Square up. Yo, what's going on, man? It's Andre Beirtoe, two-time world champion. Today's guest. NFL legend. Media mogul.

What's up? Ocho Sanko. What's good a baby? We call them gym fighters. Those guys are being in the gym, they can probably beat the hell out of any world champion they can think of. Yeah. When that bear ring?

Yeah. And them lights on, you got 10,000, 15,000 watching? When I stepped in that ring, I think boxing is becoming great again. Square up. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's go. Half-assed morning show.

It's not just the swearing. Did one of you fornicates? Fornicate? Look, I've boned a lot of chicks in my time. Sure. but as far as I can recall, I've never fornicated anybody. 93X. I stopped to make sure he was okay.

And when I stopped, I got out of my car. He ended up taking my car and driving off with it. A Florida man managed to cram what feels like three separate crime stories in a single afternoon. After crashing his SUV, carjacking a good Samaritan, and then stealing a French fry from a child. The misadventure began shortly. I like the third. crime the best. I had a feeling you were going to love that part. I like that quite a bit. Okay, I'm

sorry. Shortly before noon Saturday, dispatchers started getting calls about a crash involving 46-year-old Cory Cottington, who had wrapped his SUV around a tree. At that point, most people would probably be checking for injuries, reassessing the series of decisions that led them to that exact tree, or wondering what they were going to tell their insurance company. But not Cottington. A good Samaritan, who you heard there, witnessed the The crash walked over to make sure he was okay and quickly discovered he was healthy enough to commit a felony. According to authorities, he stole that woman's car and headed to a nearby chickfilet. Witnesses said Cottington covered in blood from the crash, climbed out of the stolen vehicle, and immediately began making an impression.

A guy asked him, are you okay? And he said, does it look like I'm okay? It's kind of a smart mouth response. No, why do you think I asked? It's just a polite thing to do. You're covered in blood, bro. Just checking. That would have pissed me off.

Yeah, why the attitude. Maybe it was a concussion. But you know what? But he had a fair point. The people are so friendly over at Chick-fil-A, even though he was covered in blood, I'm guessing they were wide open to the idea of him sitting down and having a meal. What do they say all the time? Like it was my pleasure?

I don't know. Yeah, there's something they're required to say. Yeah, I think it's my pleasure. Like a blockbuster we had to say, thanks for making it a blockbuster night. Oh, God, that sucks. I know. At Tires Plus, do they still say it's a great day at Tires Plus? I think they do, yeah.

See, I hate that you guys said that, Dana, because that's one of those things where, like, do I say, thank you? You're welcome. You're welcome that I rented these movies from you. You're making $8 an hour. It's kind of like the movie usher or the flight attendant. They say, enjoy your flight or enjoy your movie. And you say, you too. I hate when I do that.

God, I hate that. It's so stupid. Authorities say Cottington then stole a French fry from a little kid. and announced he wanted a milkshake. The milkshake request would go unfulfilled. We were sitting right there, and then a man came from the street and ran over the grass. Yeah, the grass. And then he came and stole a chip from children.

And he wanted a milkshake, and then he jumped over the fence and went that way. You see, they thought it was funny that he stole a French fry from a kid. Yeah, they did think that was pretty funny. Yeah, because it's funny. Cottington eventually went to a nearby gas station where deputies say he became combative before being taken into custody while in possession of more than 10 grams of ecstasy. As for the youngest victim in the case, justice was served with a side of ketchup. Oh, here we go. The cop showed up and bought the kid a bucket of fries. No, it's the nice people at Chick-fil-A.

Oh. They gave them a replacement order of fries free of charge. They did? Yeah, they did. It's the cutest thing I've heard all day. Ashley, are you familiar with the mom tax? Yes, yes, I am. My wife has a mom tax where she usually, any food the kids have,

she takes part of that food as the mom tax. I used to do that to my nieces and nephews, and my youngest niece at the time, when I was still doing this, I would tell her like, oh, I have to check it for poison before giving her something. And I still remember the day she figured it out. She's like, uh, no. you just want your, you just want to bite. And I was like, God, darn it.

You owe her a lot of food. You're too old now. You're too smart. Yeah, I miss the days when you can say, I bet you can't go grab me that remote control in under three seconds. Yeah, you're so fast. Here's your random ketchup fact for the day. In the 1830s, ketchup was turned into pills and sold as medicine for diarrhea prevention.

Is that right? Huh. Today, about 96% of American homes have a bottle of ketchup. just not in the medicine cabinet anymore like it was in the 1830s. Is that known to block you up? I don't know. You said it was a treatment. Yeah, I don't know if it was just one of those snake oil type of things or if it really does help.

There's lysopine in there, right, which is supposed to be healthy for you. Lysopine? But I couldn't tell you if it does anything for your digestive tract. Famously known for their long-running tagline, when you're here, your family, Olive Garden would like to clarify to psychos that the slogan is not when you're here you're forced to be family

through an involuntary cult wedding. But according to police, that's pretty much where one man took things over the weekend. Police were called to a New Hampshire Olive Garden Saturday morning after a man forced a woman to marry him and threatened her with a firearm. He forced a woman to marry him at Olive Garden.

Yeah, right before Olive Garden. Right before. They were celebrating. The victim told investigator, he pointed a gun, well, he was celebrating she was forced to be there. He pointed a gun at her while she was driving the day before and insisted a religious cult was after them. And if you're thinking, well, that's an unusual Friday.

Stay tuned. Court records say the man grabbed the woman's arm and then cut her hand as part of a satanic ritual. We're blood brothers now. Yeah. Investigators later found a satanic Bible inside the man's vehicle. The story eventually made its way to court where the man denied the accusation.

You ever read much of the satanic Bible? I've never even seen one outside of on TV. No. Oh, I have one you can borrow. Do you really? No, that'd be crazy. I wonder what kind of stories they have in there. I bet Jesus is made out to be kind of a jerk in it.

I bet things are different for sure. They probably don't have a lot of positive things to say about the man. If you talk to anybody that knows me, I'm not a physical man, he lied, I mean said, which is certainly one approach when you're standing before a judge accused of physically assaulting someone. Then came the especially strange argument. Addressing claims, he forced the woman into marriage, he told the court, forcing her into marriage,

that's completely against my religious belief. I totally believe in free will. Apparently just not hers. The case remains under investigation. Hmm. I've never heard of something like that before, Josh. I'll tell you that right friggin' now. Yeah, a little odd to me as well.

Facing the prospect of losing his dogs, an improvised, imprisoned, that is, Minnesota man allegedly invoked John Wick, minus the tailored suit, underworld assassins,

and thankfully, the body count. The 28-year-old's been jailed since his arrest last month for threatening and fighting with cops in Mancato.

The man who said he was in town to train for mixed martial arts, quote-unquote, was carrying a machete on his hip and another in his backpack, a backup machete.

And court documents state he threatened to stab officers in the necks. When he was arrested May 19th, he was accompanied by three large dogs, which were later taken to the local impound. That's when the plot allegedly

took a hard turn into Keanu Reeves' territory. He was told the animals would become city property if he didn't immediately pick up or arranged care for his dogs, and that's when he allegedly snapped. I don't play about my effing dogs, he said. Then came the movie reference. Have you ever seen John Wick? The man then allegedly delivered his own threat.

I'm going to kill these mother effers if they try and take my effing dogs. For anyone unfamiliar, the revenge thriller John Wick begins when criminals make the fatal mistake of harming a retired hitman's beloved puppy. Unlike Wick, however, the Minnesota man's next stop wasn't a globe-spanning revenge campaign. It was jail. Now charged with multiple felonies, he's due in court Monday. As for the three dogs that inspired the alleged John Wick monologue, their status remains unclear.

Hey, do you guys know how to recognize a dogwood tree? No. Absolutely not. By the bark. A repeat offender is accused of driving drunk, driving without a license, crashing his vehicle and injuring a passenger, fleeing the scene,

and then betting that a deer stand would be the last place anyone would look. According to a criminal complaint, a 47-year-old St. Cloud man crashed a red Honda accord on 94, Monticello Township and fled the scene about 2 p.m. last Monday. If the old saying, leave no man behind applies here, the driver apparently took the man part a little too seriously, having no problem leaving behind an injured woman. Police say he left behind a 36-year-old

female passenger with a head injury and a laceration. Investigators determined the Honda was traveling westbound in the far right lane when it crossed two lanes at traffic and collided with the cable median barrier. The impact says, sent the vehicle bouncing back into the roadway before came the rest on the shoulder. The crash may have ended the drive, but it didn't end the search. Authorities say the driver disappeared into a nearby wooded area, triggering the search involving a canine team, a state patrol helicopter, and a drone. That search eventually ended at a deer stand where investigators found their suspect,

apparently proving that while deer stands are good for spotting wildlife, they lack a particular aptitude for avoiding aircraft, dogs, and thermal imaging. The online records show the man has previously been convicted multiple times of driving drunk, fleeing a police officer in a vehicle, and driving after his license had been taken away. He's done that a few times, huh? Yeah. Apparently his first one happened in 2011. You got two in 2016 within a month. Oh, bad month. That was not a good month.

Rural Canada is coming to Minnesota, and that's what fans appreciates about it. The cast of Letterkenny is packing up the pickup, leaving. the produce stand behind and hitting the gravel road next spring for a reunion tour. That track will include a March 11th stop at Roy Wilkins Auditorium in St. Paul. The tour Letterkenny Live will be a new show with never-before-seen sketches with a heap of the original cast. Hard no to missing out, figure it out, because it's the first time the cast will reunite since the show's 12-season run wrapped in 2023. Well, not to be impolite, but this gal suggested that maybe I should have some. attention's paid

to my butts hole that ever happened to you guys you ever have a gal suggest that you need some attention paid to your butts holes takes that as a hard no

I guess turns out you got a Narogana's zone up there found the hot button and gave it a tickle and uh yeah feels uh

it feels pretty good You guys, okay? Dana, I know you're a huge fan. Oh, I can't wait for this. I was so excited. You're going to be going? Oh, absolutely. I'll be going.

Hopefully you won't be so effing awkward, bud. I'll be awkward. Pitter-patter, let's get at her because the presale will take place at noon Monday, and you can join by signing up for their newsletter. The general public on sale begins next Friday, June 19th at 10 a.m. And there's some VIP tickets, which include a meet-and-greet, Q&A with cast members, and preferred seating. among some other perks.

Are you a member of the fan club? I signed up yesterday, yeah. You did? Once I saw the press release. I had a feeling there's no way, no way you were going to miss that. Yeah, no, I cannot wait for that. Good, yeah, I'm glad you're so excited. I know a lot of people are.

Tyrion Lannister on Game of Thrones, Peter Dinklage. I love Peter Dinklage. Space pants. Space Pan. We just watched SpacePants earlier this week. Old Bit from Saturday Night Live. I'd never seen it before. I have a 24-hour Saturday Night Live channel.

at home on my television. I don't know why, but it's there. And I saw this goofy bit from years ago where, what's his name again? The actor, Peter Dinklage? Peter Dinklage sings a song called Space Pants. And it was very, very interesting. We had a good time. It's so odd. It's hilarious. We had a good time. He plays it perfectly. He plays like a robotic Devo type character up on stage singing about space pants. started out hot, the bit kind of dwindles. Yeah, it went a little too long. But I think you and I have a new favorite SNL song. I love the bit.

And again, like him doing the robot, he's very good at it. There's no way anybody could have done that better. He's very good at it. Hugh Lorry from House is 67, one of my favorite all-time shows. Lori actually spent part of his birthday week treating a self-inflicted social media injury. You see he really stepped in it.

case of foot and mouth disease. He jumped into an online debate after a journalist joke that every episode of House followed the same formula, which, you know, it's true. Yeah. Mysterious illness, grumpy genius, shocking diagnosis, credits. Well, he rushed to the show's defense with the kind of prickly bedside manner Dr. House is famous for. The cause of the outburst wasn't lupus because House fans know it's never lupus.

It was alcohol. Hugh Lorry later admitted he was, quote, very slightly drunk. he fired off the response and was already in a bad mood. After the journalist received a wave of abuse from fans, Lori apologized, saying he only meant to defend the writers he admired and regretted making the comments and felt bad that people went after her. I love him. I met him once briefly.

Very nice man. Oh, did you really? What was the situation? He was at Brits Pub downtown watching soccer. And I hang out there a lot and I was sitting there and I'm looking like, wait, that's house. Yeah, very nice guys just there enjoying the game. I guess he was in town for a play or something like that. I thought that show looked really, really stupid and annoying.

But then I started watching it, and it's great. It gets addicting. Dana, he has an accent, right? He's not. Yeah, he's British. Yeah, that threw me off. I watched like a little documentary thing with him. And I was like, wait a minute.

What? Is that him speaking? That's so cool. Finally, from House Calls to Hail Mary's. Hall of Fame 49ers quarterback, Joe Montana, is 70 today. Geez, Louise. Speaking of Montana, happy 21st to I thought I turned 21, five years ago, Jesus, who's spending the summer in Montana, still checking out the podcast, which we sure appreciate.

That text from Listens while Showering Jesus. And happy 86th birthday to Uncle Dick, a faithful 93X listener. We appreciate that as well. Happy 86, and that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show. Runts and gets it, fires up a three. John, no good.

The chip. It's gone. They are calling it the miracle on ice. Well, I think there's technically ice underneath the floorboard, so. The most dramatic, the most dramatic, I mean, improbable comeback since the dawn of time. That's what the New York Knicks pulled off last night. It was effing hilarious. Hello, Randy Schaver.

Good morning. Brad Ryder. Good morning. I've never seen a team play as terrible as San Antonio did. And Deerrin Fox, I'm sorry, he was awful. Was he on the take? He hasn't been very good in this entire series. No, but he was awful.

And why in the world did he try to shoot a layup? with 11 seconds. Oh, I know. I was screaming at the TV. I was screaming at the TV when that happened. I was watching with my son, and as soon as he went into the open floor, I'm like, no, I screamed,

no, don't going for the layup. I mean, he could have just dribbled. They would have fouled him. They would have followed him with maybe four or five seconds left, and he would have gotten two free throws, and let's just assume he would have made both those free throws. They'd have been up three, and that would have never happened. It's just awful.

It's just awful. If you're a San Antonio fan, You just have to be so crushed. Yeah, you're right. I don't know what the hell Aaron Fox was doing. Oh, G. Annobe blocks the shot. It's just the dumbest play. Charles Barkley, after the game,

Charles Barkley defined or referred to the San Antonio Spurs as the dumbest basketball team in the history of civilization. Well, at least we don't wear that crown anymore because he used to call the Timberwolves, the dumbest team in the history of civilization. Well, I think in the country of civilization. I think in the context of that game last night.

Yeah, they win. Yes. Yeah, they do. In the context of that game last night, yes. Charles said that was some of the most mismanaged, stupid basketball he's ever watched. He said when you blow a 29-point lead, the other team has to help you. The San Antonio Spurs helped the New York Knicks win this game. Terrible.

Shot selection. By doing some stupid stuff that I've never seen on a basketball. court and they're referring to things like Deeran Fox. They're referring to the fact that the Spurs came out in the second half and just chucked up threes with all the time in the world

left on the shot clock. They did nothing. They were eight for 39 shooting in the second half and three for 17 from three. They were so bad. They scored 76 points in the first half. The game turned into a friggin joke in the first

half. Led by 27. Spurs came out in the second half. They scored 30. They went from shooting the lights out. They couldn't hit Dick in the second. And like we said, they were early shot clock three-point shots, likely because they thought the game was over. Right.

They thought it was over. And little by little, the Knicks kept creeping up on them. And my God, that was, I mean, the OG Ananobe tip-in. Unbelievable. That will go down if they win this championship. round because it didn't over yet. If they win the final final, that'll go down

as the greatest play in the history of New York basketball. By a landslide. Oh, for sure. What an unbelievable effort on his part and what a beautiful touch he had in tipping that basketball back in on the most three-point shot. He kind of got Jalen Brunson off the hook a little bit

because in that play I watched it a few times. He was the inbound guy. And they did immediately, which is probably the only smart thing the Spurs did the entire second half. They doubled Brunson on that after he got the ball. Well, that left Ninobe wide open. He was actually calling for the ball before Brunson took the shot.

He had a wide open about 16-17-footer, and Brunson didn't pass him a ball, but that gave him free rein to run down the lane and get the tip. F me running, that was just so much fun to watch. Here's Pornow Jesus texted in saying, what the hell are the Spurs doing, trying multiple allie-oops. on multiple.

Allie Ups on multiple possessions. Well, like I said, Porno Jesus, and you don't need to be told this, they were effing around. They thought it was over. I guess one other thing I would have tweaked if I'd have been the Knicks would have been in an Obie, what did he end up with 38, 36, 37 points. I mean, you might want to know where he's at in that play on the floor. I mean, he was clearly the second option.

How about Josh Hart missing that dunk late in the game? Oh, yeah. Holy balls. And then Hart also screwed the pooch Biden. Speaking of boxing out, Brad Ryder. He doesn't box out Castle. Late, late, late in the game. Castle gets those.

Same play. Yes, Castle gets the rebound. He has to foul them. Josh Hart almost became a tremendous goat in this ball game. It's all about possessions, though, and it's all about how, you know, it's like a football team when you're ahead. You run the football. You run the clock.

Right. You try to reduce the amount of possession time, your opponent. Yeah. Randy's Mike just died, I think. You want to have your quarterback run down the play clock all the way to two or three and not take the snap with 10 seconds left on the play clock. It's the same type of thing. And they just settled so much for three-point tries and not attacking the basket enough.

thought it was an F-off. To at least get to the free throw line. It's just a combination of so many stupid things. And, I mean, what an amazing win. Even having said all of that, if Anobie doesn't quite get a complete, his fingers on that putback perfectly, the game's over.

Or the rebound goes three inches to either side of where it is. Yeah, the game's over. That's what makes it so much fun to watch, right? Yeah, it was fun. Oh, you know what made me laugh my balls off? Was Wemba Yamba missing those two free throws late in the game. That was terrific. The crowd got in his head so bad.

By the way, after the game, when the Spurs bus rolled up to their hotel, the Knicks fans were waiting there for him, and they threw garbage at Wembe Yamba. They threw garbage at him, and he got a little pissy about it because he got hit with some garbage. Now, this doesn't count at all. my book because it was a first round playoff series of six, seven years ago. There was one bigger comeback in NBA playoff history, but it was the opening round. 31 points, Clippers in Golden State five, six years ago. That doesn't count. Compared to this, it doesn't count. This was the greatest comeback I've ever seen in a basketball game. Yep. Okay, one listener has texted in to see

if he can, well, you were just making some football references a minute ago, Brad writer and Randy Schaber. A listener is now calling the ball club that lost last night. They're now known as the San Ant, I'll get there, the San Atlantoneo Falcons. San Atlantoneo? Sure. Yep. Get it. Just a smooth miracle is all that was.

But like Charles Barkley said, and like we've been discussing, the sports. Spurs played a massive role in helping the Knicks come back. For sure. What was that to Antoine Dodson, Josh? You're so dumb. You are so dumb. No kidding. That's the meme that should follow the San Antonio Spurs around for the,

if they lose this series, which they likely will. Antoine Dodson saying, you are so dumb. Knicks fans refused to leave Madison Square Garden after the game was over. I bet. They didn't want to go home. No. soak it all in. How about the celebrity fans all running onto the court while the mere mortals had to stay in their seats?

You want to do this again, Brad? It's a good thing. It's a good thing the next one because, you know, Taylor Swift, that lifelong Knicks fan that she is, yeah, I would have been really concerned for her today. Well, she has a home in New York, Brad. She's a New Yorker. Sure. The celebrity fans were all allowed to run out there and hunt the players. Ben Stiller just climbing on someone's back.

Ben Stiller was out there, whatever. Jerry Seinfeld. Larry David. Yeah. They were dry hump and Carl. Seinfeld and David get a pass. They're in New York. Taylor Swift does not get a pass.

And they go to a lot of games. Jera Seinfeld. That was funny. You got, yeah, what's his name? You just said it. Larry David was basically humping Carl's leg out of center court. But the regular folks got held back. I mean, they refused to leave the arena.

Pretty good. Anyway, that's a Larry David reference. Now, this makes sense, though. Some people went online and said, the reason the crowd didn't want to leave is they didn't want to go out on the freaking street. Oh, that's a good point. They knew what they were up against once they stepped out of that arena,

that it was going to be pure chaos. They wanted to clear out. I haven't read any stories about if anything burned down or how many people were murdered last night after the Knicks won that game. But that's... They're saving that for after the next game. Bank examining Jesus, he's been there.

He's out there now and said it was wild. Absolutely insane, as you can imagine. I bet. So, yeah, a lot of those folks might have thought, I'm not going anywhere for a good hour. I'm going to go hide out in a bathroom stall until morning. Right. Pretty good. Pretty, pretty,

pretty, pretty good. Never seen the show, but I love that soundbite. I don't even know what it means, but I Love that song. You would like curb your enthusiasm. He's such a dick. It took me a couple episodes. At first I thought this guy is despicable.

Why would anybody watch the show and then I fell in love with him? Right. Yeah. Ah, man. And the Wu-Tang Clan performed last night at halftime. I didn't see any of it. I was hoping to catch a little bit of the Wu-Tang, you know, with the Rizza, the Jizzah, Method Man, Ray Kwan. I guess Method Man ended the set by saying Nixon five.

when they were down 27 points. So he's going to go down in history as the great prognosticator, maybe. Maybe. Ghost face killer. Was he there? Inspect the deck? Anybody? I've lost track of who's in the Wooten.

I looked at the list of who's still in there, and it seems like quite a few are. Oh, the Wooten. I can't keep track of who's famous and who's not. I don't care. Yeah, you've established that, Brad. You want all celebrities to die. Yeah, I do. Yeah.

Woo, Tang? Did any of them have a pair of space pants on? Do you guys know the space pants bit Randy and Brad? I don't. This means nothing. This is just Josh and I effing off, but I have this 24-hour Saturday Night Live channel on my television, and I caught this old Saturday Night Live bit, maybe 10 years ago.

Peter Dinklage, the dude from Game of Thrones, he comes out and does this Devo-like act where he's wearing pants, that have all the planets on them and he's hollering over and over again about how he's wearing space pants and it's kind of dumb but kind of funny and I can't stop thinking about it and I showed the video to Josh the other day

and now we're both obsessed with the song Space Pants even though it's an old bit we wanted to bring it up. You really have to see the video to become obsessed with it because he acts it up perfectly. Remember Randy Schaber and Brad when Devo was a hit? Oh yeah. And they did all the robot. They did the robot motion Anyway, one listener texted in earlier and said he's a fan of the Space Pants bit.

So I guess we're, what do they say, Josh? We're bringing it back. Yeah, it's so stupid. It's great. So you said, what happened now? Method Man at halftime. He got on the microphone and he said, Knicks in five, despite the fact that at the time the Knicks were down 27 points.

Right. Oh, yeah, he'll be at the parade if they win this. Sure. Yeah, for saying that. This is similar, obviously just dumb luck, but folks these days seem to get a kick out of nonsense like this. You remember in your high school yearbook where you're allowed to write something or another next to your picture? Yes, cool.

Yeah, senior quote or whatever they call. Yeah, football 9 to 12, you know, word up to my buddies, puk dick and little Chris, whatever, you know, things like that. Some young fella six years ago in his senior year of high school yearbook, he added in Knicks in 6, 2026 NBA finals. Do you see where they're going with that? Yeah. So now this kid's all over the internet because just for a goof in high school, he made that prediction in his yearbook. That's pretty cool.

That is awesome. They threw garbage at Wemba Yamba as he got off the team bus. If you watch the video, Castle gets off the bus, the crowd does nothing. Champani gets off the bus, the crowd does nothing. The big backup center who looks like a drunk, what's his name again? The big backup center. He comes in when Wemba Yamba's not in there. He looks like he's drunk all the time.

Can anybody help me with the name? He comes off the bus. They don't throw... Wemba Yamba gets off the bus, full-on garbage. Why can't anyone tell me the drunk backup center? I'm looking it up. Yeah. I can't.

From the Spurs? Yeah, Cornet. Yeah, yeah. The greatest player in WNBA, history, Angel Reese. She's done it again. The other night, the Atlanta Dreams. Angel's ball club. They were playing against her former ball club,

the Chicago Sky's. Angel left town with the win. She also dumped in 17 points and snatched up 17 rebounds. That's the 57th double-double of Angel Reese's WNBA career, the most by any player through their first 75 games in league history. And if you're not impressed by that, over the last 40 seasons in the NBA and WNBA, only Shaquille O'Neal had more double-doubles through his first 75 games

than Angel Reese. Wow. And the Atlanta dreams are eight and three on the season. Could have been a Lynx. Could she have been a member of the Lynx?

Yeah, they passed on her. Could have drafted it. Oh, who did they draft instead? Who did they draft that year? Samantha Baskins? Samantha Baskins is the answer? No, I don't know. Samantha Baskins.

Samantha basketball? Baskins ball. Baskin, Robin. Samantha basketball. She's got the right name. If you had to draft somebody, wouldn't you lean her way? I went to high school with a kid named JJ and 10th grade gym class. He proved that he was probably the worst basketball player anyone had ever seen to that point in their lives, right? So we nicknamed them for the rest of high school.

We called them J.J. Basketball. It's pretty good. I don't think he appreciate it, but he really sucked. I forget, how did you get your nickname Mr. Baseball? Oh, Jesus. You want to hear that story again? Yeah. Well, take a guess as to why I might have gotten the nickname Mr. Baseball. Probably one of the better guys on the team. No, because of the stitches in my face.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Shout out to Emo Phillips for that one. Don't miss the hockey game tonight, Josh. There's going to be a good crowd tonight, I bet, for Game 5 at the Stanley. the Cup final. A near sellout, I'm going to predict a near sellout for game five tonight in North Carolina. The series, she's tied up at two wins each, Golden Knights, Hurricanes, tonight. How lucky have we been with these two final, final series? I know, they've been great. F, me running. ABC's just got to be like, this is a dream. They're playing with themselves.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, they have just been, they're just raking it in. I bet you at ABC's, headquarters, Josh, the boss made an announcement over the intercom and said it's okay to play with yourself at work. This is the exception? Not only that, but ESPN has the Super Bowl this year. And so that's, I mean, they've just got to go on right now with all those. Yeah, nobody's going to care about that. Oh, man.

A high school lacrosse team in Massachusetts has had to. to forfeit a playoff game. That sounds like kind of a big deal, right? We're in the middle of the, for me. Imagine, imagine, you know, we're the state of hockey and everything, right? State of hockey. State of hockey. Imagine if, say, who's your favorite high school hockey team, Josh?

I'll go Holy Angels. Imagine if they had to forfeit a playoff game. Well, that would mean your season's over. It means your season's over, right. High school of cross team in Massachusetts had to forfeit a playoff game because the players did something that the principal did not approve of.

Oh, boy. The players hanging out together at their graduation, at the commencement, right? They all got the cap and gown and that whole gimmick going, and what do you do? You throw something up in the air. I can't remember. Your hat.

You throw your hat. Your hat. And then you all pose for pictures with your parents who were just thankful that you made it out alive. So the players from this lacrosse team, they're at their commencement, they Yahoo, they throw the, what do you say, they throw in the air a hat. They're taking pictures, and they all lit up fake cigars. And that was enough to piss off the principal.

And he said, tell you what, we're going to scan your playoff game. You can't play. It's a little extreme. Normally I'm the get off your lawn guy, but in this case, he's got a lighten up. I mean, come on. Yeah, it seems a little much. Yeah. The players say and their parents say that they went to a cigar shop

and got all the ingredients to make fake cigars that only had dried tea and paper inside of them just so they would smoke and appear to be real. They even brought one of the fake cigars to the principal to prove they weren't real, but that wasn't enough for him. He said, that's it, you're done. He's the principal. Maybe he had money on the other team to win the whole thing. Why nowadays, you never know.

Betting on high school sports. Oh, here's a listener who says in Orono they light real cigars. Is that like a rich neighborhood joke? Is that what they're doing there? Or did the kids in Orno really like real? Tweederville. Don't talk about Tweederville on this show. That's what we call O'Rano growing up.

up. We always called it Tweeterville. What is the, what's behind that? Yeah, I was going to ask that. One of my dad's friends, who's gone now, he married an Orono woman in 1943 or something, and he would always bust her chops. You know, he was a Wysetta guy

from day one. He marries an Orno lady, and he would always bust her chops by calling it Tweederville. So that's where I took it to, because in 1943, Oreno really was Tweeterville. Just nothing but the sticks out there. 20's got a win last night.

Buck cut loose with his 20th dong of the season. 6-3. They won her by a score of 6-3 out there in Detroit. Royce Lewis also went yard. Yes. All right. Now, I don't know who comes up with these goofy stats, but I'm going to go ahead anyway because it gives us something to jaw jack about.

You guys will see what I mean here in a minute. Buxton is the third. twin ever with 20 or more home runs through 69 games of a season? It's so random. Why is, I mean, other than the stupid easy joke, why is 69 games a benchmark now? I don't know. And who's tracking this? I don't know.

But it's... They could have avoided the cheap joke and just said 70. They could have. Only Harmon Killebrew and Justin Morneau have hit 20 or more home runs. through the first 69 games of a season. Josh, that number still. Yeah, last night was a 69th game. That's why they did it.

I'm just picturing Justin Mornow welcoming Pryor and Buxton into the 20 before 69 club. He gets a jacket with embroidered and stuff. It's got 20 on the front, 69 on the back. What are we doing here? Big ceremony. Why are we having a ceremony? 69 games.

What does that mean to anybody? They do this now. And I don't know who does it or how they come up with it, but you'll see these bizarre stats now. This player scored three goals last night. He's the first player under 25 years old who was born in North Dakota to score 20 goals before the Equinox or something. Exactly.

Taylor Rogers did all right. Gomez, Yondris. I don't know. know how to say is. Yandres Gomez. Fifth safe. Mike Parades made his first career start for the twins, and they did like a bullpen thing.

Day game today, Zebby Matthews, and a kid called Kiter Montero start the game today. You know, the twins beat Framber Valdez last night. He has just been awful for Detroit. They spent all that money on him in the offseason, and he's just been pedestrian, to say the least. So it's one of the reasons the Tigers are 12 games under 500. And if you look at the standings in the division, the White Sox lead the division by a half a game over Cleveland.

How about that? All right. How about that? I'm having a hard time with that. And they're the only team of the division that has a plus differential. They've scored more runs than they've given up. They're the only team of the division. The white socks.

How about, that's just crazy. Things have changed over there on the south side. I love baseball. They've gotten a new nickname. People are calling the delight socks. Yeah, you know what? That's terrible. I like that.

I don't know about that one. All right, is this for real? I've received more than one text message saying the other day at the twins. The last home game they played, I can't recall, but a few days ago, the twins were playing at home, and an F. Edina chant cut loose at the ballpark? That's true. Yeah, I heard that.

Was that the Royal Series? I'll go along with it. F. Edina, anyone know what? And loud. Okay, so the folks who texted in, what prompted that? Was there anything to prompt it? I don't know. The Dinah's high school baseball team in the state championship game, or were they?

Or were they playing after the game? They haven't played those yet. Okay. I don't think they played state baseball. I'm just trying to throw out theories. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. But it was loud.

I mean, it was almost drowning out of the announcers. That's how loud it was. Back to those lacrosse kids who had their playoff game forfeited because they lit fake cigars at their graduation commencement. I've also received more than one text message here on our Luther Blubley. Wilmington key a text line, 651, 989, 93. I received multiple texts from people saying that this high school and that high school, kids were smoking cigars after the commencement was over and no one said Dickola. I remember Pistol Pete from across the street immediately lit a cigarette after we graduated high school together.

I'll always picture that. He looked just so wonderful sitting there smoking a cigarette with his diploma in. hand. Like a real deal one or like a swisher? Oh, no, no, no. Pistol Pete. Although he smoked everything. Sure. It was a real, you know, Winston or whatever the hell we smoked in 1989. Oh, oh. I just looked it up. Cretan plays Edina today in the state baseball tournament.

Okay. Listeners are texting in saying the F-A dinah chant at the target field the other day was because the Polads are famously from Edina. I didn't know. That's probably, I think that's true. Going after my pals. my bro lads. Yes. All right.

Kansas City Royals pitcher. Awful. Kansas City Royals pitcher Seth Lugo. Ooh, did he get blasted? Oh, my God. This one. Oh, my goodness. Back up the middle, off of Lugo's heading into right field.

And that is awful. Nimmo is out of his mind concerned, got a quick time out, and races over to check on it. Hey, Josh, you know what in a dineas? wife makes for dinner? Reservation. That's right, reservations. That's a joke that was just texted in here by, from, how do I say this? Plumbing Jesus had that joke for us this morning.

Kansas City Royals pitcher, Seth Lugo, on the bump last night against, last night, is how you say it, against the Texas Rangers in the fourth inning. Brandon Nimmo is up to the plate for the Rangers, and Nimmo smizzoaked the baseball. right back up the box, and as you heard in the audio, that baseball went directly off of Lugo's cranium and into right field at an estimated speed of 106.6 miles per hour. That guy's tough, man. Wow.

It won't be long before they figure out a way to protect those guys a little bit better with something. I don't know what. I don't have the answer, but it's going to take somebody not getting up from something like that to happen, unfortunately, but it'll happen. Yeah, but, you know, when you think about it, and I'm not defending either way, but when you think about it, this happens so rarely. You think about all the pitches that are thrown in every baseball game. And this, it just doesn't happen very often, where, especially when they get hit in the head like this, I mean, he got it square in the forehead.

Oh. And it looked like it was one of those cartoon kind of like, you know, the bubble, the mouse on his forehead. Dude. It was bad. It was a horn. That's what was coming out of his forehead. It doesn't happen often, but you know that that's what it's going to take. And unfortunately, at some point, it will happen, and then they'll change, they'll figure something out.

Well, but wait a minute now. Look at girls softball. The pitchers have to wear a mask, right? That's part of girls' soccer. The entire infield has to wear a mask. Yeah. You should be wearing a mask on the. Dude, no kidding.

We're a bag. Yeah. Well, yeah, I've been told that many times. That's the only way that you protect the pitcher's face is to put something, but there's no way Major League Baseball is going to do that. But they already did something about it. So you guys must have forgotten. Everyone forgets about this.

And by the way, yes, Brad Ryder, I think your reaction times are so slow now. You should be wearing a mask while coaching these kids playing softball. You should wear it from the stands, Brad. I don't believe that you're... What's the word I'm looking for, Josh? believe that your reaction time is reflexes? Reflexes. That's the word. It's not what they...

I'm the slickest fielding I'm the slickest fielding coach in the South Suburban Conference, so... I bet you're convinced of that. People forget that Major League People forget that Major League Baseball did try something a few years ago. Does nobody, every time

I bring this up, nobody remembers. The Mega Hat. Oh, yeah, yeah. It looked ridiculous. Baseball players, well, pitchers, I should say. How many years ago is this? 6, 7, 8, 9. They put on this mega hat and it had a protective shell in there.

It looked silly. A few pitchers tried it. None of them liked it. So they said we don't want it. So my guess is still, even after watching what happened to this Lugar guy, pitchers aren't going to agree to wear some kind of a contraption on their head. They want to be men about it.

When I was at a soccer camp in middle school, they a company came out with this new product that you're trying to get all the kids to wear. It was called header gear. And it was basically like a foam type of helmet so that when you head the ball, it doesn't hurt as much. And we took one look at that and said, yeah, no, thanks.

Nothing. We're not going to wear that. It's usually how goes, right? If it doesn't look cool. No. Just imagine showing up. How intimidating would we be? We show up to a game wearing our little, you know, soft helmets on our heads.

Yeah, we're going to get you guys. Yeah. You guys made fun of it. A few listeners want to know what your mother does to protect herself against all the balls. I'm not even going to dignify that with the response. I mean, I have an answer. Okay, I'm sorry. So anyway, Seth Lugo got up off the deck.

Yeah. Walked himself away from the ball game. I don't know exactly how he's doing at this hour. He looked fine, didn't he? Yeah. You're right. Something could change. That's crazy him.

just like standing up like what's going on? Other than the conjoined twin he was growing out of his forehead. Yeah, that happened pretty good. Right. Yeah. Those two guys were teammates together too for seven years in New York with the Mets.

So they were really good friends. That's why you saw the reaction from Nimmo that you saw. Once he touched first base and they called the play dead, he ran right over to Lugo right away. Yeah. They're bros. Mega hat.

Boom. That was square. That was scary. I mean, he would have got hit in the nose and the, you know what I mean? I guess he's in a way, maybe lucky he got hit in the place that he did because it could have been a lot worse. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm sorry to keep toggling back and forth, but that's kind of how things always go around here. And the text messages don't come in as quickly as we'd like them, so we'd toggle back and forth. I forgot all about this. We're talking about the high school kids, lighten cigars,

at the ass end of their graduation commencement. I totally forgot, unless I'm wrong, smoking's now a 21-plus type of a thing? Yes, sir. Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting about that. Cans of chew and cigarettes are 21. You've got to be 21 to...

Yep. So that, I guess that puts a different picture on... Oh, yeah. I was sitting here going, so what, a kid smoking a cigarette or a cigar, at the high school. But okay, you got the 21 thing happening. Yeah, I thought that too.

I'm like, they're probably 18, but then I'm guessing they probably have anti-tobacco policies on campus. Well, yeah, but F that. We never followed that crap. Yeah, I had a cigar when I graduated out in like the little area, but it was still 18 at that time. So nobody cared. What the hell?

You got to be 21 to buy a pack of cigarettes, huh? That blows my mind. Yep. I know people say it all the time, but yeah, you can go to war at 18, but I don't have any tobacco until you're 21. You know, when I was, I don't know, how old was I when they flopped the drinking age from 18 to 21? I was an eighth grader, ninth grade or something like that. They took the drinking age from 18 to 21, and, I mean, that was a big frigging deal. There were some kids who just, they wet their pants over that.

People were grandfathered into that kind of thing, right? Yeah, with the tobacco law, there's nothing of that sort. Oh, really? My daughter turned 21 recently, and she was actually, she was really disappointed. She didn't get carded when they, you know, she went out, you know, the night of her birthday. That always happens. She didn't get carded at all. She was so, I asked her, I said, well, you know, did you get carded?

She's like, nobody carded me. She's a cigarette smoker? Well, no, I'm just drinking. Oh, drinking. At the bar. Same thing happened to me when I spent like $250 and risked my life going to the sketchiest house of all time to get a fake ID. Walk into the liquor store, a guy doesn't even, doesn't bat an eye. Just goes, I mean, 1987.

Dang it. Yeah, when they flopped that from 18 to 21, there were some pissed off people. But you know who were the happiest people in town from the stories that I were told, that I was told, the bartender. Oh, I bet. Oh, heck, yeah. I can't imagine an 18-year-old drinking in a bar. The older bartenders that I got to know were working when the drinking age was 18. and they said they effing hated it.

They said there were very few of those kids who knew how to control themselves. They were always mopping up puke every friggin' day, and they loved it when the drinking age got pushed up to 21. It's crazy to think that there was just like high schoolers at the bar. Like, what? I know some bitches.

You know, I drink with older fellas who would leave school and go get a keg of beer, bring it back to the parking lot. They leave school, go to the bar. Heck yeah. You know, when they had an hour lunch or whatever, you know, they'd go and the bartenders just wanted to quit. Oh, me and my friends would have been kicked out at every single bar in town. Oh, there's no way I would have been able to behave myself. No, it's been a complete mess.

No way. It would have been able to behave myself. I would have loved it, but I know I would have been fired out onto my face in no time. That's when I did most of my drinking was like 18 to 21. If I was able to legally do it at that time, I wouldn't be here. I remember we snuck into, how do you call that club? gone for years. I was just having a conversation about it recently. Downtown Minneapolis. Now it's Dream Girls.

God dang it. You know the building where Dream Girls is right there by Target Center? Yeah. Son of a bitch, I had it and I lost it. Anyway, we snuck into that bar when we were underage. And nobody said, squat. But I was nervous. I was. We'd done plenty of underage drinking. at roadhouses up in northern Minnesota because they don't care. Or they didn't at the time.

They didn't care. But now I was in Minneapolis and I kept thinking, you know, if we get caught here, I don't want to go to jail in Minneapolis. I got no problem going to jail in Ely. Was it Seville? No, no, no.

It wasn't a strip joint job. It was a regular bar where Dreamgirls is now. So anyway, I was kind of nervous. My buddy Big Phil was on the other side of the bar from me. And it's loud. Music is blaring. Um, not sneaky peats. It was before sneaky Pete's. I'm reading text messages. Big Phil's on one side of the bar. I'm on the other. Phil wasn't nearly as nervous as I was, drinking underage at a bar in Minneapolis. And Phil's hollering

something at me, but it's so loud, I can't hear him. And I'm, what? And big Phil is, what? Okay, perfect timing, just like out of a movie. The music dies, right when Phil And he shouts this. This is awesome. We got to get fake IDs. And I braced myself, but the bartenders were too busy to even hear. Oh, no, not Norma jeans. It's not a strip joint.

It's not tropics. No, no, no. Jutebox Saturday night. Thank you. Retired liquor store, Jesus. Jukebox Saturday night. We got in underage because we were friends. Well, one of my friends was dating a KQ babe.

Oh. Oh. Oh, hot stuff. Well, well, well, welcome to the big time. Wow. That's show business, baby. Back in the day, 93x had the X girls and KQ had the KQ babes. Yeah.

Join us tonight at Club All up. What did I call it again? Jukech Saturday night, the KQ Babes will be there handing out tickets to see the Steve Miller back. And here's CCR on KQ. And then they would go into a fortunate son or something like that, right? Yeah, so the bouncers didn't ask anything from the KQ babes because here were KQ babes. And we tagged along. Jukebox Saturday night.

F me running. Fernando Mendoza. The newest quarterback there with the loss. Vegas Raiders, so he's going to have a terrible career. Oh, God. Some folks say he may be setting himself up for a legal battle with the Disney people, Josh.

Oh, no. We used to work for that company. We did. Here's what's going on with what's his name again? Fernando Mendoza. You know the trademark this and that. Tom Brady trademarked some slogan about

himself so he can sell sunglasses. and suntan lotion or whatever. Fernando Mendoza has filed a trademark for the term Nandelorian. This is the way. Fernando Nando Lola. Whatever.

He's looking to sell some slacks and sweater vests or something. He's going to come out with a line of a clothing called Nandelorian. So he wants to protect that supposedly clever name. Of course, the Disney people make movies and whatnot called. the man, DeLorean, so this could turn into full-on warfare. This is the way.

Is that Boba-Fat? Well, I wish him luck against the Disney lawyer. They don't play around. Yeah, they got a couple of bucks. They're laughing right now. Mendoza, he's a big fan of the whole Star Wars gang bang, Josh. He loves that stuff.

I suppose a lot of folks do. I do like the Mandalorian. Yes? Yeah. Does it not Star Boba Factor? Am I making that up? It didn't, but he ended up joining the show. Yeah, so there you go.

What's funny is I keep reading about all these big-time athletes who have trademarked this or that. Like Russell Wilson, three. I'm going to trademark three because that's who I am. And I'll sell some hair products and some odor eaters or something. older eater But yet I hear about it But I've never gone anywhere in my life

Where I've seen it Right Never once Never once have I seen a t-shirt That said Nandelorian or TB12 Or I've never seen one I've read stories that say sometimes they do it Just so no one else can

Yeah So they might have no intention of selling it But they don't want Somebody else making Nandala Depraffa Somebody making money off of them Oh I guess I didn't consider that

Where'd you do your underage drinking, Randy and Brad? You've been talking a lot about drinking today, haven't we, Josh? Yeah, it's kind of... I didn't have underage drinking because my age was 18. Well, yeah, but you never wanted to sneak into a bar when you were 14? You know what? We did it at friends' houses. We didn't go into those.

But when I went to college, as a freshman, it was 18. So, yeah, but okay, but you never had the thought to go downtown Cedar Rapids and try to. No, no, no, we, we didn't do that. So. Because you knew your dad would kick the piss out of you or what? Yes, that's part of it. And we all knew that once we left, if we went to college, that we were going to be able to do it every day legally. So it was like, it wasn't that big a deal to try to sneak around.

Brad Rider, you never got on a tractor and wanted to go to monitor. video and get some new stuff? No, no. All the people in Montevideo wanted to come to Clare City. Oh, did they? Oh, wow. Yeah. They wanted a little elbow room?

Right. Get me out of this big city of Mona Video. Take me to Clara City where I can relax a little bit. Exactly. The Railroad Depot parking lot, that's kind of where it was at. Yeah. All right. Well, there you go.

We're going to wrap her up for now, but tomorrow. we've made it to another F off day. So bring nothing, because I'm not planning on bringing our damn page. By the way, back to Wemba Yamba getting trash thrown at him when he got off the Spurs bus there in New York City. I didn't see this, but I didn't pay really close attention. Someone said that a Knicks fan hit him square in the noggin with a frigging egg. Oh, no. Yeah.

He literally had egg on his face. Someone, they got him. They egged him, Josh. they egged him. It's gonna be a long offseason for that dude if they blow this. You're not kidding.

I love it. I do too. I love it. I've grown to really dislike the guy. I'm like an ambulance chaser. I just want more. Yeah. We'll see you guys later.

See you. 903. Ah, air conditioning. The love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Hapts podcasters?

We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.

Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Schaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. You like party? This is full send. Join the minute. Join the party. So you guys launched the Nelke Love Island. Congrats boys.

Who's that? Production, dude. Like five years ago, we could do that easily. And it'd be crazy when we're partying, but when you're like in your 30s a little bit. Well, that's why you barely show up to set, day two? Just a few hours, tardy. Steinie wanted to be the host to be the host. It's like, why didn't you let me be the host?

It's like, bro, you showed up six hours later every day. I had a girlfriend. The Full Send podcast, follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93X Half-Ass Morning Show. Just a wonderful crowd. Love this crowd. Welcome back to the Half-Ass Morning Show Thursday. and we're doing our damn best we are you know a listener just texted in Josh and

informed me of something that I find interesting for a brief period of time at least this listener must know that I'm a big kiss fan from way back they tell me that jean Simmons and paul stanley are on the today show right now because they're being inducted into the songwriters hall of fame that's today huh okay I hadn't heard about that I saw like a preview for it or something. Well, maybe by damn they earned it, especially when you write lyrics like, it's out of the frying pan and into the fire,

so bend over baby and let me be the driver. We were just talking about dirty lyrics the other day. And you earn your way into the songwriters Hall of Fame when you write, when love rears its head, I want to get on your case. Oh, babe, I want to put my log in your fireplace. That's just good stuff right there.

By the way, the first one, all of those lyrics I've read so far the song is called burn bitch burn from their 1984 record Animalize Josh you find a spot in the songwriter's hall of fame when you write why settle for seconds when you can have the best so let me be your king be I want your hornets nest that's 85 the asylum record a song called any any way you slice it do you think when they got the nod and they got the phone call saying, hey, that they looked at each other? Like, have they heard our whole catalog? Who's messing with us here?

They're like, you know, sure, we wrote some deep stuff on Destroyer, Creatures of the Night, the Elder, we wrote some deep stuff in there now and again, wrote some decent love songs along the way. But yeah, they might have looked at each other and said, did they know that, I mean, put your hand in my pocket, grab on to my rocket? 1976, a record called Rock and Roll Over. This song is called Take Me. Kind of sounds like the stuff we would have wrote in our sixth grade band, you know.

But my favorite, now learning that Gene and Paul are going into the Songwriters Hall of Fame, is the Songwriters Hall of Fame aware of a track from their 1983 record, Lick It Up, a song called Gimme More? Are they aware of these lyrics, like a dog to a bone, make you sweat, make you moan? Love is sweet, so insane, come on lick my candy cane. Actually, Ultimate Classic Rock, late last year they wrote an article about the seven dumbest kiss lyrics. Oh, yeah? And it's kind of funny.

The author wrote, seven dumbest kiss lyrics as chosen by my wife. So he played a bunch of nice. Any of what I've brought to the table mentioned in this article? So I'm sorry, maybe I didn't catch all the names, but there's one called uh all night. Oh, yeah, sure. All night, 1985. the last track on their asylum record. A catchy song.

Sure, I get it. The, what's the, how do you say? The title of the record is, uh, all night. Good song, terrible title. Spit? Sure. 19, that's off the revenge record, 1992. You'd love that song, Josh.

Great guitar in that song. It's, but it a, duh, don't mean spit to me. That's the lyric. I think that you spit in place of sh. And I think you, said this one, you make me rock hard? Worst song they ever made. That is hands down the worst song they ever recorded.

That was an extra track on a greatest hits record called, what did they call that record? Smashes, Thrashes and Hits. You know how on greatest hits records once in a while, Josh, they'll include two new tracks just to make it seem like they're busy doing something? Not only is the song, you make me rock hard on that greatest hits compilation, but so was the single let's put the X in sex. Oh, I didn't mind that song. That's a catchy, decent song.

Yeah, I thought that was pretty good. You make me rock hard is so bad. I can't get through the whole frigging thing. It's so bad. Fits like a glove. Lick it up, 83. Oh, that's got some really, yes, fits like a glove. Insane guitar work on that track.

But yeah, the lyrics are. I got to look that up now. A couple more that were mentioned. Let's put the X in sex. Yeah. Burn, bitch, burn. I covered that one. Yep. Just a Boy.

Oh, see, I like that. That was one of the artsy-fartsy songs they made for the Elder record. Again, this is from the article. I'm sorry. Where Paul does like a thou. Well, there's a track on that record where he says things like thou art, this and that. You see what I mean? Fancy. Yeah.

And then the last one on the seven dumbest kiss lyrics as chosen by my wife article on Ultimate Classic Rock. Yeah, Ultimate Classic Rock. Oh, no, I just lost it. Hold on, I'll get there. All right. Just a boy. Just a boy.

You mentioned that one. That's one of those songs where you, if you don't know Kiss, if you play it, you can't believe it's them. But they did some really weird things with the Elder record trying to be recognized as serious artists. I'd love to hear a little bit of that if we can. Here's the one I meant to say, I just want to. Oh, that's the revenge record.

Yeah, it's got, I just want to, okay, fits like a glove, 83, made the list that Josh just mentioned of the worst kiss lyrics. Ain't a cardinal sin, baby let me in, girl, I'm going to treat you right. Goodness sakes, my snake's alive and it's ready to bite. Hornet's nest, lay me down to rest. Ooh, I want to shed my skin. I got the urge to merge, but you're as cold as ice. Baby, won't you let me in?

Well, congratulations to Kiss for being inducted. into the song. Congrats. Put your hands together for the boys. It worked hard on that. They did. All right. Thanks for letting us know about that.

I get a kick out of that stuff. But some of those songs, Josh, maybe I'll play those songs for you after we get off the air. You'll love the guitar work and some of that stuff. Yeah, I'd love to hear it. You know, my wife and I were sitting around the other day, and I think we came up with, we came up with this. I think we're certain about this for the first time. I don't know how long. We have zero high school graduations to attend this summer and also zero weddings.

Wow. Did any of the rest of you get that lucky? I mean, I guess we've- No, I'm 28. We've hit that age now where all of our friends' kids are out of high school, out of college, a lot of them. And I guess we're at an age where everyone's married or not interested in marriage. You know what I mean? I just went to one.

Whenever Shaver's Gala was, whatever, was that last Sunday, two Sundays ago? A couple weeks ago, yeah. It was kind of a combination family reunion, but it was started basically by a graduation. What I will miss about high school graduations this summer is the food. It's the best. I do love that ham or turkey sandwich pasta salad and then a bucket of cookies as big as your mother's ass. They did that. But wow, it's just a real sense of freedom.

Zero high school graduate. Zero weddings. It's beautiful. I got one of each tomorrow. That blows. It's going to be a long day. On a Friday? Oh, I keep thinking today's Friday.

No, I have one of each on Saturday. That sucks. I was going to say, how heck are you going to do that? Oh, I'm just going to start crying now. I've got two weddings in the fall, and then I don't even know how many graduation parties I've been invited to. I try to make it to some of them. My family is huge. You know, the nice thing about being unpopular, you don't get invited to a lot of these things.

You don't have to go a lot. That's an upside, yeah. As far as I know, this is the only thing we're doing. I think that was it, just the one grad party. Now, on the topic of weddings, you know the whole, the gimmick, I don't know how common it is anymore. And a lot of times when I'm at a wedding, I'm paying very little attention to what's going on.

I'm just praying for it to end. Do they still do the, if anyone has a problem with this union, speak now or forever hold your people? Is that still a thing? I've never been to a wedding that had it. Oh, really? Never once. Yeah, me either.

Okay. Maybe because most of it, I mean, is it a religious thing? Because I've been to mostly Catholic weddings and I've, maybe it's not a Catholic thing. I couldn't tell you. That's a very good point. It was always in the movies. It could be a certain religious sect that practices or doesn't practice that good question.

I mean, because in the movies, it's a very nerve-wracking time. You know something that's about to go down and they ask that question. I've seen it a few times. I have. So you have seen it in person. Absolutely. Yes. Speak now or forever. Hold Your Peace. An article popped up about apparently a few true stories where there was an objection.

I'll be totally honest with you. Not many of these are very interesting. And the stories are kind of long and I'll lose you. I promise I will. But there was one that really grabbed me. So the officiant, whoever the character is up on the stage, that asks, if anyone had any objections to this man and this woman sharing this marital union or whatever the proper wording is. A woman near the back of the church stood up.

She didn't yell and scream. She didn't make a scene. A couple of these stories in here are quite dramatic where a scene was made and people fought. But in this case, one woman stood up at the back of the church and she just simply said, said, he's still married to me and our son is in the car. Uh-uh. That's walk away. Do you not, in this moment, did you just think to yourself, how has my life been so unlucky

that I haven't gotten ringside seats to something like that? It's my dream. Dude. We were hoping that for your first wedding, Ashley, something like that to happen. Yeah, I'm sorry. Nope. So, again, one woman stands up at the back of the church and says, yes, I object to this union because there's some bitch up there is still married to me and our child is in the car

waiting. The groom, I guess, turned to the bride, although they weren't official just yet, of course. The groom whispered to the bride, hey, this lady's crazy. Don't listen to her. But the bride stepped away from the scene and gave this woman at the back of the church her. Her time. You know, go on. Explain this to me. The woman at the back of the church had photos of her and the groom, had a marriage certificate proving that they were married, text messages that were traded back and forth.

She's been plotting for this day. The bride took off her veil and left. That is awesome. Absolutely all. Awesome. And then you got, you know, the typical stories of the bride banged the best man or one of them, I guess, had sex with the pastor before the ceremony. So when it came that time for the speak now or forever hold you. Somebody stepped up and said, yes, she folded the best man last night. Maybe one day, Cubby. None of us had that at our weddings. Maybe when your kids or grandkids get married, you can see that in person.

I was very worried about my first wedding, though, legitimately. I had an ex who had been contacting me, the months leading up to the wedding, saying we made a mistake, we never should have broken up. All filed for a divorce. You call off the wedding, and I kept saying, no, no, no. The day before the wedding, she called me about 45 times throughout the day. The day of the wedding, I had to turn my phone off because she kept calling me, and I thought for sure she was going to show up, but thankfully that didn't happen.

I think last time you told this story, I accused you of wanting it a little bit Because if you didn't, she would have been blocked. Exactly. I think the fact that I didn't block her number made me. Yeah, I think you're right. I think there's something there, Ashley. You left that door open a little bit. Yeah, I think you're right.

Between the four of us, we've got seven weddings. And none of those weddings have had this phrase. Oh, my God, wow. Yeah, no. I'm sorry. One more time, Josh. I said between the four of us, we've had seven weddings. So a lot of opportunities for that phrase to be uttered, you know, forever, hold your peace.

nobody's had that Wow That's great stuff There was one more here I guess maybe you'd enjoy From this write up on Wedding objections So the line was dumped out there

If anyone objects to this couple being united Speak now or forever Hold Your Peace And apparently there was a baby In the room somewhere And perfect timing When the guy or gals

said speak now or forever hold your peace the baby just went trying so hard and it's just perfect timing everyone laughed their nuts off the one that would freak me out on the list was where someone said just at that exact moment there was a huge crash of thunder and lightning bolt i would kind of wonder like yeah that's sketchy wait is that a sign of some sort well you know a famous bar here a famous i guess tourist spot really type of a bar that i used to spend time, and up in Glenwood, Minnesota, the lakeside ballroom. They have a famous story now they can tell. The old lakeside burned down.

It was rebuilt and it's beautiful. I haven't been to Glenwood in many years. But if I'm not mistaken, you people up there in Pope County maybe can get back to me. I believe that the lakeside burned down minutes. It caught fire minutes before a wedding reception was to begin. So the couples are. off at the church getting married. All of their presents and all the food and drinks were loaded into the ballroom.

So everyone comes from the church to the recess. And I think when everyone got there, the some bitch was on fire. And so that, you know, I don't. I've read the story once or twice. I think I have that correct. You've got to believe that the bride and groom must have looked at each other and said, Jesus, maybe this isn't meant to be. I bet a couple of people were pretty stoked, though, like, oh, thank God.

Yeah, I did not want to be here. Yeah, you've had that thought before. get me out of here. Oh, Christ. Half-assed morning show. 93x. There you go. We got to talk a little bit about weddings.

Got a text message here I'd like to share with you. We've got to get out of here in a few minutes, but this won't keep you too long. As I've stated a couple times, I don't really enjoy going to weddings. There was a brief window of time when I did when I was in my 20s, but now I couldn't. I couldn't say that it's. one of my favorite things to do. And this was the one that finally sealed it where I thought,

okay, this is obviously not the place for me anymore. I'm at a wedding reception, didn't really want to be there in the first place. We're all sitting there at our table before the reception really kicked in, and someone brought up the DJ. And there's this conversation

going back and forth, oh, well, they, speaking of the married couple, they told the DJ they want to do the dollar dance. They told the DJ they want this, for the father dog. We're talking about what the DJ is going to be doing. And somebody said, oh, yeah. And they told the DJ that absolutely under no circumstances,

is he to play any journey? And I said, okay, time out. Because I was not really paying attention. But I said, time out. What? And someone said, yeah, the married couple has told the DJ, absolutely under no circumstances, is he to play any journey. And I said, what are these people rushing or something?

What are you talking about? out no journey. They probably did that for one song and one song only. They just didn't want to hear the don't stop leaving crap. All I know is it put me off of wedding receptions for the rest of my life. What kind of people, Josh, don't enjoy journey? That's stupid. I've never even heard that before. You've got to have something wrong with you. You're right. That's some Russian stuff right there. That's what I'm talking about. You're not kidding. They're trying to ruin America from the inside. I agree. I looked around at the table as if I was saying to them with my eyes, I was saying, is anyone else going to leave with me right now after learning that information? No journey.

All right. Before we go, word is there are 60 tickets left for our Independence Day boat orgy. You know what? We have an update. An update. It looks like, Dana, can you confirm this? I think we're sold out. I can't confirm it. I'll text Amy real quick, see if she's listening. Okay, yeah. But three, four minutes ago, you told me 60 tickets. Yeah, there were 60 left just a handful of minutes ago. Things happen fast when you're selling tickets to a boat party. Okay, well, let's see if we can get some confirmation before we go.

Don't miss out on the sitting and the talking while the DJ plays kiss lyrics. But no journey. No journey, though. Don't miss out on the fun. It's our Independence Day booze cruise. Maybe it's too late, and hopefully we can find out before we leave. I don't know if it matters at all, but I can buy a ticket, like right now. So maybe we're not sold out.

I'm misunderstanding what's happening. No, I said, like, I'm able to buy a ticket right now if I wanted to. She's trying it out to see if it's sold out. Oh, you're on the website right now. Yep. Oh. Yeah, I got an email saying was sold out, but we should confirm that. Elister is texted in to say that bread makes them poop, yay.

Okay. Promotions woman Amy just texted in that it is indeed sold out. Oh, wow. That's awesome. Thank you for purchasing tickets so quickly. I wish I could make it. It sounds like it's going to be a real fun time. It's all right.

I'd love to be there if I could. Next year. You're not going to make her? Next year I've got plans. Well, I got one in the fall. Yeah, can't be there. You guys have fun. We'll see you at Creed, though, right?

Creed. Yeah, you know, I'd love to go. Once again. He's busy. You're busy guy. I was a socialite. Yeah, you know, I get invited to a lot of stuff. Well, it's July 10th from 7 to 10.

For those of you who bought tickets, thank you very much. You almost make it look like we know what we're doing around here. July 10th from 7 to 10th on the St. Croix River. Thank you to the folks from 10K construction, Stillwater Riverboats. We'll get you something to eat. We'll play some tunes. We'll keep it at a reasonable level, I hope. Yeah, thank you so much.

We'll sit and talk like old-timers. So that's great that we sold their smooth. I feel bad for those who haven't pounced on it, but you had your chance. That's why they wanted to sell tickets this year, right? I mean, so everybody that wanted to get on could get on, and unfortunately, you know, went quicker than we thought. That's exactly right. That's awesome, though.

Like you guys said, we'll have another one in the fall. 93x. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on to Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't. have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.