93X Half-Assed Morning Show - I'm Sexy and I Know It

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

Originally Aired  September 1, 2026: World Class Entertainer C. Willi Myles. Ideal pallbearer positions. Everything you've ever wanted to know about the shadiest person you know... ya know? Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends, it's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tacks. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save.

Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheating.com. Enjoy the show. The 93X half-assed morning show. 90.3. Yeah, sorry. I kind of forgot that that theme music meant we were live on air. And then I motioned to Josh to tell him, hey, man, we're on air.

He already knew that. I pointed at you and say, here we go. Did you, did you point at me? Yeah, I said, here we go. I saw nothing. You were doing your stretching exercises. I apologize. I acted like I was the only one who knew we were live.

You friggin' people knew it. And now I started off the day feeling like a damn jackass. Hope everyone's doing all right. It's Tuesday. And we thank you for being part of today's broadcast of the 93X half-ass morning show. See if I got everything. I think I got everything. She's hit September all of a sudden, Covey.

You know what that means, right? What does it mean? Got to pay the bills. Yeah, every month. Son of a bitch. They're kind of jerks about it. that. Gotta pay the friggin' bills.

I bet your wife's got you on a good system. If you mean leaves me completely out of the process, then you're correct. That's the right strategy at your household. She doesn't trust me with money. That's safe. She doesn't trust me with a dime, so yes.

I do miss the days, which seemed like it should have been decades ago, but it was more like just a couple years ago where you'd come in here, put your glasses on, get your checkbook ready, and start writing out checks. like a madman. I was blown away by that process. I had never seen that since, you know, the mid-90s with my parents.

Yeah, I remember that growing up. Mom and dad, just dad's in a horrible mood, right? These checks complaining about all of it. Balancing the checkbook, all that. Yep. Yeah, it was just a couple years back. Yeah. We're still doing that.

I learned that in school for no reason. This was my spot for paying the bills. I would bring them all into work with my checkbook. and sit down because this was a i guess i thought of um here in studio as an organized quiet place where i could focus on paying the bills uh when i go home you know i so quickly just want to crawl into bed and eat Doritos you know and i lose my focus here at work of course once i was done with work responsibilities i could focus and pay my bills yeah you guys poked a lot of fun at me back in those days.

Well, you just reminded me of my dad. Sitting near what, like you said, I put on my glazes. Start writing out my checks. What's the date? I kept asking, John. What is the date today? Did you, am I mistaken, or weren't you kind of screwed over by whoever sends the mail out once?

Where I thought you were getting hounded and you're like, well, I mailed that like two months ago and somebody forgot to set the mail out. Yes, that's right, here in the building. Yeah, here in the building. Oh, God. You know, as pre-eastern, you know, as pre-a-old. historic as my approach was to finances, like Josh said, only as recently as a few years ago, I would sit here and write out my checks.

Everyone else is paying online. I'm still writing the checks. As prehistoric as that approach was, I think I did a pretty good job of staying on time. You know, when I was younger, I'd be sitting around watching television. You know, when I was younger, living on my own, I'd be sitting around watching television, and the power would go out because I simply forgot to pay the bills. I was really bad about it when I first moved out on my own,

really unorganized, and the lights would go out. Stuff like that's happened around here, so you can't feel too bad. Right. But as I got a little older, I got pretty organized. And it was rare that I ever got a telephone call or a letter in the mail that said, hey, Gibroni, you haven't paid this bill in three, four months.

That was a regular thing when I was a kid. But as I got older, I was pretty good about it. But yeah, one day, Suddenly my phone lights up and some company is furious with me because I hadn't paid a bill. And I told them over the telephone, I said, I put that pig in the mail five months ago. I don't know what the hell you people are hollering at me for. Turns out, I trusted this building. And that's a big mistake.

That's a big mistake. We all know that nothing works correctly in this building from top to bottom. What I had done was I had written out this bill, put it in an envelope. You know, first I licky lick the envelope. You did. And then I smash it again. Never missed that part. I put the stamp on the envelope.

I put it in our outgoing mailbox here at the radio station, unaware of the fact that our outgoing mailbox person had been fired three years ago. There was no one who was handling the mail anymore. So sure as how I tell Cubby about this, because when we have problems in our personal lives, we try to help each other up. I said, Josh, I swear to God I paid this bill. We started kind of. And I knew you did.

Yeah, because you watch me do it here in the building. We started to go back in time, and he said, well, where did you mail the sum? And I said, I put it in the outgoing mailbox. So we walked up to the front of the building, and there, that bill was still sitting there from five months ago in the outgoing mailbox. There's still old Netflix DVDs who hadn't sent out a DVD in five or six years. So embarrassingly, then I had to call this company back and say, yeah, I'm a dickhead. I got the bill right. My company forgot to.

But I wasn't kidding. We lost the request lines because somebody forgot to pay the bills. The website. The website went down. We had no internet. We had no, we don't get all the newspapers like we used to, but we used to get the Star Tribune that that they forgot to pay for, so that stopped coming. There have been a few services that we've counted on here in the building over the years that went away simply because, there was no one left.

There was no one in that position anymore. We didn't have the check writer in the building anymore. Whoever was in charge of paying the bills was gone. Yeah, we even lost the most recent one. So we've got a new one there, too. The internet was the funniest, by far. The face of the radio station gone because somebody didn't pay the bill. Especially because it like set it on there.

No longer had a website. We no longer. Yeah, actually is right. When you go into 93x.com, It said like this site is no longer available because of unpaid bills or something. I love that they shame. Yeah. What was that about?

That's so good. Well, this doesn't surprise me. A text message has come in from classic country Jesus. A regular listener, he texts in almost every day and he says he's in his 30s. He still writes checks regularly. Well, you are classic country Jesus. Yeah. Keep it a classic.

Yeah, I mean, you probably would be happy classic country Jesus if we went back to cobblestone roads. Because that's your game. gimmick. That's your thing. Well, at the last building I lived in, I wrote checks for rent because you can either pay online or pay by check, but if you pay it online, there was a $150 convenience fee to pay it online. Holy heck. I know. That sounds illegal. I think it was. Yeah, that sounds a little illegal. My checking account didn't even come with a checkbook. I don't even know why they call it a checking account anymore. Like, you have to request it separately. You know, usually like you go to your local bank, you get the, and I remember as a kid, a couple of my first. I remember, as a kid, a couple of my

checking accounts. I was so excited. I felt like such an adult. Yeah. I've got a checkbook. Yeah, this it's in the bank that I, well, I've used them several years now, but they just said, if you ever want checks, let us know we'll mail some out, but most people don't take them. I wish that was still like a regular thing. Right. Checks? Yeah. I like, I like to do in that. I still, you know, my wife handles the money in our household. So we can be assured that we will survive. If I was in charge, we would probably be in trouble. I'm irresponsible with money. My wife handles everything online. But actually in my personal life, like say if I owe a pal $50 for something, I still write checks for things like that. I still write, no one's stopping you.

I also like that. I like having the paper records of things. You know, my phone is just full of random screenshots of payments I made in case I ever need it. But if I ever did need it, I would never be able to find it because there's so many of them. I'm such a nerd for like the apps and stuff. I love using the finance apps. You know, when I... I know. I need to get up that. And I bet you're an ace with that, Josh.

When I was in high school, this will give you an idea. I've been, uh, I haven't been great with money my entire life. It brings me back to high school. When other kids in my class were studying algebra, what's even higher than that, Josh? Where do we go from there? Calculus, all this unbelievable. in high school as a senior, I took a class called

Math for Everyday Living and it was just me and the other bottom of the barrel kids at our school and part of that class was learning how to use a checkbook. That's good. That's actually practical information. I'd rather have that than algebra.

I remember. Well, of course, who wouldn't rather have that than my point is we were 18 years old? for Christ's sake. That's probably something I took that in middle school in Homack. It's a little embarrassing. Yeah, that's what I learned. I think... And the teacher would say things like, okay, if you had

$50 in your checking account and you wrote out a check for $25, what does that leave you with? I mean, it was really sad, but that was the situation we had put ourselves in. Although, you know, the check floating game, you can't really do that anymore, right? Where before it's like you write a check and go,

okay, it's probably going to take two days to get there. By then, I should have enough money in my account. Oh, sure. That's defined as check floating? Check floating. Fish and chips, Jesus said, his bank makes you buy your own checks. Yes, same with me. Let's see. Oh, there was another one in here where someone said their person got confused as to why you'd want to check nowadays. It is so much different. Box tossing Jesus took a similar class when he was in high school. He just texted in. He said that class was called Consumer Math. It's good. Yeah, at least it's practical. I mean, yes, I'm not arguing that. It's just it was a little

silly that we were grown people for the most part. We're getting ready to graduate high school and we're still doing simple math. That's basically what it was was simple math. Here's the text. It says nowadays if you ask the banker for a checkbook, they pretty much ask you what is that? Especially as a young kid. A what now? There you go. Yes, here's smoking meats and clapping cheeks. Jesus. Writing a check gives you a little grace period as to when it clears your account. It's the first of the month. It's time to pay the book. bills. Yeah, I can remember a couple times when he's young paying rent with a check where I'd misdate

the check on accident. He's like, oh, shoot, I'm sorry, just to buy myself some time. You got to do what you got to do. Totally understand. Yeah, I wonder if that ever worked. Oh, yeah, did I write that check for three months in the future? Ah, shoot. Well, cash it when it's that time.

Oh, did I put 2011 and not 2010? Oh, okay. All right, well, shoot, let me give me a day. I'll get back to you with the new one. Now you got to worry about. Dirtbag stealing your checks out of the mail or something. Uh-huh, that's sketchy. Probably not just nowadays.

Yeah, that's why I started bringing my bills in here. It's because everyone kept scaring me saying, if you put your bills in your regular mailbox, some crack fiend will steal your checks. And that's why I started writing my checks here in the building was I thought this was a safer place to mail them out. Now you would definitely be safe with that because when I worked at a bank,

let me think, eight years ago. There was, I mean, there's so many steps. Like, I always, I remember when I started working at the bank, I thought, how do people even, like, steal other people's checks and do anything with them? That's impossible. Like, there's so many little, I guess, barriers you have to cross in order to deposit a check or cash a check. Okay.

Well, now you just take a picture with your phone. Yeah. If you ever get one. Not the real Jesus said at Fleet Farm, the guests who use checks have birthdays in the 1930s. Yes, definitely going away. There you go. All right, we could continue on our Tuesday show with a question for Josh from a listener by the name of Milwaukee Grizzly Heezes. He went with Heezes as opposed to Jesus or Sheez's.

It's unique. His question, could you ask Josh for tips on how I can be a sexy stud like him? Oh, you got the right guy. That's for sure. And he mentions your reputation as a boner machine. I don't know how that reputation started. I've said it again and again. I am not a boner machine.

You get more and more kind of temperamental on that subject every time it's brought up. Tips on how he can be a sexy stud like you. It's easy. And it's easy, but it's also the hardest thing in the world. You've probably heard people a million times ever. say be yourself, right? In my case, be someone else. Be somebody else. As opposite as you can possibly be.

It's your only chance. Everybody's got something about them that's sexy. Text us, 651-9-9-9-93-93. Here's our first text call out for the day. What makes you sexy? 651-9-9-93. That's our Luther-Blovington-Kia text line. Oh, I thought it won right away for myself. I'm looking forward to all kinds of interesting answers.

Go ahead. I'm good at cooking. You're good? I've had your pasta salad and I can tell you a nail that. Yeah, and that's, I mean, that's nothing. That's like, that's child's play right there. She can cook, Cubby. Yeah, I had the barbecue that you ordered for your son's birthday.

It was fantastic, Ashley. Well done on that. What's that on ripping her? That way you order. Yeah, let me cook for 50 people. What's that old saying that I know has always sickened Josh, but there's an old saying that says to keep a man happy

you keep his belly full and his bag empty I can see why Josh wouldn't like that Remember the first time I said that out loud Josh said oh my God that's disgusting All right Ashley can cook You know what makes you sexy cubby?

What's that? Okay, Dana, you know what makes use? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Your knowledge? I don't have a lot. I mean, I have interest in things. Knowledge. The nerd thing is still very hot, Josh.

I was going to say the love you have for your family. You know what I mean. I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to insult you, but you are a very knowledgeable guy, and it became the nerd character became sexy a number of years ago, and I think that's still the thing. Yeah, I mean, if somebody came in here with a gun and said, give me a two-hour presentation on the spot about audio editing programs, you would be just fine.

You could probably go two and a half, three hours. Well, I see the strategy, bore them to death. That's how we win. Ashley, to piggyback on what you said, you mentioned my love for my family. Yeah. That also, some families, Nick and I both come from a little bit. bit of a goofy family. Love for his family.

Come on, help the guy out. We're trying to tell him what's sexy about him. Yeah, dude. Family men are where it's at. Well, yes, for you. Now all of a sudden, yes. No, it's always been that way. No, it hasn't.

Absolutely. That's why women go for married men. Once you put that ring on, oh yeah, you become much more attractive to a lot of women's. That's nonsense. Ask you something about that in a second. But all you do is you picture a completely different family. And it's easy. You know, like some people might have to, in the midst of coitus, picture an X or picture a celebrity or something like that to get the job done.

You have a love for family, not necessarily your own. Not my own. It's easy enough. You look at one and go, you know who's about that height? Kirk Cameron. And you think about, boy, I love Kirk Cameron from back in the day. Kirk Cameron? Yeah, remember Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains?

What about him? So I picture like, what if it was like to have a son like Kirk Cameron on growing up? So you don't necessarily love your own family, and we can understand. We've met them. But you have love for, like you look across the street to the family across the street and say, that's the life right there. Yeah. There you go.

I love that family. I picture them as, like, my wife, Jamie Presley in my imagination. Although she just made news for getting kind of drunk at a hotel and touching people. I'm sorry. I don't know. What? No way, dude. Kirk Cameron did what?

No, Jamie Presley. Jamie Presley did what? She allegedly got drunk at a hotel and started, like, touching people. Well, when the hell? Where was this? I just read it this morning. I wish I'd have been staying in that hotel. Touching people?

Yeah, they didn't say sexually, but she was putting her hands on people. Just creepily going up and giving someone like a back massage. What makes you sexy? Go ahead and text us, 651, 989, 993. Okay, Ashley. Your selflessness. makes you sexy people tell us, Josh, on the text machine. Selflessness.

I'm getting very embarrassed. But Ashley, I wasn't going to say. Oh, I truthfully, this is not like a humble thing or whatever. I don't think I've ever been hit on since I've been married. Like at all. Really? And I, you know, it's not like I'm just totally oblivious to signals, but I really don't think I have. And I know I've heard that before, like, oh, women like married guys or whatever.

Maybe it's because you give off that vibe of like, I'm not a cheating piece of crap. Maybe that vibe just kind of comes off of you. Piece of crap. When did this start? What do you mean? Why would you put cheating and piece of crap in the same sense? I don't understand the connection then. Yeah, I really haven't.

Well, you know, it's like that's because they haven't experienced your knowledge or your selflessness yet. Because let's be honest, you're not the greatest looking guy in the world. I know. Things have changed. I must have really gone downhill. I was a gay magnet for a while. I could have had so much success if I wanted to. That doesn't happen anymore.

There you go. Oh, actually, you know what? Maybe I did miss something. Do you guys remember the gentleman at the fair on Saturday? Very funny guy. He's the one we talked about when you and I went to Arlington either the first or second time to watch a friend's band. I remember the two of us discussing our past trips to Arlington.

but I don't remember this particular gentleman. He, out of nowhere, and I love this kind of meanness out of nowhere. He just came up to me and he's like angrily called me a pretty boy of some sort. And nobody'd ever said that to me before. Yeah. And it cracked me up. I was like, what an aggressive thing to say out of nowhere. And it, you know, it made me laugh.

And we told the story before and he listens to the show, which was really cool. And so he came out to the fair and it was really nice to meet him. But at the end of the fair, he came up and he started saying, seductively licking a pickle? And so he's like, the only reason I bought this pickle was to do that. So maybe I was getting hit on and I completely missed that sign. Those were some signals right there. Oh, that dude's funny, man.

A listener named Dale has texted in. We've asked our listeners to answer a simple question this morning. What makes you sexy? 651, 989, 933. So here's Dale. And he says, Here's what makes me sexy. I eat hot dogs with my butt.

Ooh, baby. I see where he's going with that. That's breaking off. It's different. It's different, and different can be sexy. Oh, man. A buddy of mine, he likes to send me disgusting stuff every once in a while. And he sent me this video.

He's like, I know this isn't your thing. But you've got to watch it and see what happens. Maybe I shouldn't have started this story. But essentially it was a guy taking care of himself and like these women's reaction, right? And he said, you got to watch to the end. And so at the end, he's like, oh, I got one more thing. And he turns around and does essentially what you said with that hot dog thing. He basically consumed something with his posterior at the end of this video.

With his posterior. I haven't heard that since my great grandmother was still alive. I'll kick you right in the posture. Someone sent you a video of a man masturbating for an all-female audience, and then at the end of his session, he put a hot dog in his butt? It wasn't a hot dog, but something similar. And he said, he's like, you've got to stick around. He's like, you're not going to believe the ending.

He's like, I know it's, you're not going to like it. Is this that the same guy who's always doing things to you? Different guy. He doesn't like that reputation. He's getting, but no, completely different. Because I believe he's been hitting on you. He said you. If I could only get so lucky.

It's incredible. Absolutely incredible. Postal forklift driver, Sheez, has said she loves to hunt and fish, and that makes her sexy. Sure. Sure. Yeah, I like it when people do things that you might not expect, whatever. Like somebody's into something that you're like, that doesn't seem like something you'd be into. Like people's passions and stuff, I think is cool.

I love hunting and fishing, but I don't like to say that too loud sometimes in a certain company because a lot of women think that that makes me just a pick me. Like I only like it because men like it and men find it hot when women like those kind of things. Oh. It's like, no, I just like to shoot guns. So you don't often say that in front of other checks? Yeah. Because they judge you.

Like, oh, yeah. Do you want a cookie? No, I just want some venison, bro. I would like a cookie. Oh, you got one right next to him? I have some cookies that Josh's wife. Duck butter, Jesus, said, is this sexy? And he sent a screenshot of,

Twin Cities Crime Watch and information that I think it's from the X page here. Says, is this sexy? Report of a naked male in the grandstand restroom at the state fair, wiping himself openly and throwing the dirty tissues everywhere. Hell yeah. Yeah, that's a guy just being himself. What? That's a guy doing his own thing.

He's got confidence. God, help us all. All right, you bastards. We can get going for real skis. The Tuesday morning show. Keep sending in your text, by the way. We'd love to find out what makes you sexy. Today, I think we're counting on C. Willie Miles to be ducked in.

He's been our regular Tuesday guy for a long stretch of time. See, Willie Miles, sexy guy? Ooses it. Don't you think? Very, very confident. He's got like a vibe. Very confident. Very vibe heavy.

Funny, dude. Yeah, I can see why Mrs. C. Willie miles can't get enough. We'll take a break. We'll come back with the stupid news report here in a few minutes on the half-fast morning show. The 93-Ags Half-Ast morning show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is

just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30, and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you,

then Dave Bialki's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries. Even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Beul-1-0. or go to bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-R-Side.

Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Look at that crowd. We got a great crowd this morning, and we appreciate it a lot. Let me get us going again with some text messages. Earlier on this morning, a message came our way. It came rolling in to the... 651-9-89-9-93. Simple question.

Could you ask Josh for tips on how I can be a sexy stud like him? Some of us just got it, you know? Well, yeah, you either got it or you don't. Just born with it. It's usually not something that you can fix. It's usually not something that you can... You got it or you don't. I asked our listening audience, hell, everybody's got something about him that's sexy.

So what's sexy about you? and we fielded some text messages. Here are a few that fell into our laps. Here's a guy says, I don't know if you would call this sexy, but he said it got me laid. The other night, me and his wife were driving around town, had a headlight puk out on him. It was dark out already.

He pulled over to the nearest O'Reilly Auto Parts, he says. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Hogbauer, 3rd Avenue and Main Street. Next time, maybe think about visiting the boys at Hogbauer Automotive. but this guy said he pulled over it in O'Reilly, changed his headlight, and he said for some reason, that got my wife going,

and she destroyed him when they got back to the house. That's pretty cool. You should see what she did to Cubby when he switched out her brake pads a couple of weeks ago. Oh, man. It was disgusting. I had learned things I didn't know existed. And I'm half a century old.

Did you make that up? Are there other people doing this? Why don't we know about this? Some bitch came to work with two blinds. black eyes. I was in a wheelchair that day. What makes you sexy? Interesting answer here from a listener.

I'm a leather smith. Oh, yeah, that's cool. You know, just kind of a unique... That is pretty sexy. A unique talent that I don't think you could pick up in a weekend. Quite an original talent. That you could make me a pretty cool Reddenfest costume. Yeah.

Definitely. Make me a pair of pants for that Creed show on Saturday. When the hell is that Creed show? Saturday. I'd love to see you in leather pants. I need a pair of leather pants. and a wife beat her by Saturday. I want to go to the show dressed as Scotty Stap.

Yeah. I don't want to picture that. Too late for me, Ashley. Short but fat, Jesus says, Who's got two thumbs and is not sexy? This girl. Doubted it. That is not true.

We met you at the fair last year. You're lying. I wouldn't last 30 seconds in a pair of leather pants. I don't understand that gimmick at all. I don't get it either. They're not like a leathery. on the inside. Every pair of leather pants are like leggings I've ever worn, it's nice and soft and fine. So it makes it,

it doesn't even seem like I'm wearing leather pants. Like I'm just wearing James. Do they breathe, though? That'd be my... You don't instantly have... I don't remember. You don't instantly have a bucket of sweat in your shorts. I don't recall that. I can't. I've never tried on a pair of leather pants. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like I would suffocate within seconds. Maybe men's are different.

I don't know. That's always looked so uncomfortable. to me. Look so uncomfortable. Outside of recent pictures of Tom Brady, I don't remember the last time I've seen leather pants on someone who wasn't a rock star. Here's a guy who's texted in. No, it's usually a rock star or someone who wants

to be a rock star. Oh yeah, there you go. I want to be rock star. It's a good one. We used to work with folks. Maybe if you ride one of those motorcycles. Here's a guy who texted in on what makes him sexy. And he kind of talks like Josh. He says, I'm not good looking. I don't have a big weaner.

So far, the two of us could be twins. But he says, I'm a Purple Heart recipient, Iraq 2005, Hose. Okay. Well, yeah. It doesn't matter what else is going on. I want to do them. That's cool. I never served in our armed forces,

but I did receive the civilian version of the Purple Heart. A friend of mine presented me with the civilian version of the Purple Heart Award. And that was about 20 years ago when I took a dump at the old Skyway Topless Club on Hennepin Avenue. I remember you telling us about this now. I'm going to stand up and salute you, sir. Thank you. It's a purple shart. I had to.

We were in the middle of watching the topless show, and I said, look, I got to take a deuce. And my buddy said, in this bar right now, in that bathroom? Because if anybody remembers the Skyway bathrooms, they were pretty awful. And tiny. I could barely, I'm not the tallest guy by any stretch of the imagination. He was like sitting in a toilet at a elementary school. Anyway, he gave me the, you thought that took quite a bit of courage to take a dump at the skyway at 1 o'clock in the morning on a Saturday night. Did the stalls have doors?

I don't think so. Yeah. But it's been a long time. It's 20 years ago. I bet you guys would find this really sexy. Avoiding idiot truck driver, Jesus. He said, making a right churn in a construction area in a 53-foot trailer without rolling over any cones or barrels. Absolutely.

We were just talking about this yesterday. That is an incredible talent, in my opinion. I'm so impressed by people that can do that kind of thing. And, you know, we're lucky. We work over here. There's a ton of trucks on my way home right by my. right by my house. There's a ton of trucks

so I get to see it all the time. Yeah. I'm trying to pick up some tips by watching. I don't know how they do it. It is cool watching them. I'd be like a little kid waiting for like the garbage man to come by my house. Step one, Josh, to be coming a truck driver. Because I know you aspire to.

You were just saying you. You respect that gig and that skill set. Step one, listen to the soundtrack to Smokey and the Bandit over and over and over again. I guess you should start writing this stuff. Jerry Reed. Badoom, boom, boom, boom, ee's bounding down, load it up and trucking. All right. Yolo Queen Sheezes texted in to tell us what makes her sexy.

She says, my personality is my sexiest quality. But also, my triple Ds. Go on. It's a triple D. I'd be interested to know if my wife could come up with one. I'm having trouble for me. I want to text her, but I'm also afraid that the answer is going to be humbling. Oh, yeah.

I thought the same thing. I was like, I should text my wife, but it would just be some like backhanded compliment or something. Like, well, you try really hard. What it will be, what it will be is all kinds of stuff that guys aren't terribly interested in hearing. You're so caring and loving and sensitive. We all go, oh, come on. I don't want to hear that. I hope it's like your now brother-in-law speech at your wedding, where, you know, she dated a lot of

really cool, hot, bad boys back in the day. I mean, just really awesome dudes you wanted to hang out with and drink beers. Best part of the wedding. Cool guys, you know. Cool, really attractive guys. But, you know, she's past that stage and she's with Dana now. That's so true. Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit, but a little bit.

That was the core of that speech. I remember looking over at my husband and I was like, oh my gosh, it's going down. My wife, she's strictly dated like punk rock bad boys and stuff And now she's married to the dude who builds Legos and plays Mario I'm a lot different than my wife's type That's usually how it goes, yeah That's what happens when someone settles Dana No 100%

My wife's even said she doesn't always make complete sense They just settle She even said she goes if I met you when I was 30 There's no way I would have been attracted to you Yeah That's so focused Did you, were you so... Yeah, same here.

Well, I guess you just said you did realize it. Did you realize that in a... Like, did you watch a video later or in the moment? Did you realize what he was saying? Oh, no, I do in the moment. And his speech was hilarious. And that was an impromptu speech. He just said, yeah, I'll hop on the mic.

He had nothing planned. And he just went for it and it was hilarious. There are people who are truly attracted to each other and truly love each other. And there are people who settle. And it's okay. Yeah. It's okay. I'm not mad about it.

Josh, didn't your wife? say, oh God, the gas. Here it comes again. Josh. What? I'm sorry. You can do better. Dana mentioned that his wife said, if I would have met you when I was 30, I would have had zero interest. Didn't your wife also say something to you when you first met? Well, she had a type. Tell me, well, this is where I'm going with it. Maybe this is the liquor talking, but I swear to God, when you two first started seeing each other, she said, if I If I didn't get to know you, how does someone say this?

If I didn't know better, that's it. If I didn't know better, she said, when she first met you, she thought, oh, okay, I know. Yes. It was actually my sister-in-law. Sister-in-law. I think this is what it is. And this was at my 30th birthday party. Yeah.

I was there. Yes, you were. You were drunk and you smelled really bad. I was hammering. Yeah. Veryodifference. Yes. Oh, my God, you smelled so bad.

That was fun. It was fun. Except talking to you was not fun that night. Any night it's not fun, but especially that night. What did your sister-in-law say? She said, you know what? I thought you were going to be a douchebag. Oh, that's not it.

Oh, it's not? No. I think my wife's listening. Maybe she can remember her. She got back to me. She says what she finds sexy about me. And you're right, Nick. It's stuff that guys don't need to hear.

We want to hear that our chest and our eyes are powerful. And the way we have sex and our strength and our courage. and I feel safe with you and all that. But what did she say? It's garbage, isn't it? She said, you're too ugly to cheat on me. No, she didn't say that. She said, I smile, sense of humor, and big heart.

Yeah, that's garbage. I think she read that off a card. Maybe I don't want to, yeah, she has a hallmark card in front of her. Sense of humor is a good one. The sense of humor is a very good one. Sense of humor is the sexiest thing in the whole world. Yeah. Aside from looks and money.

And triple D's. And triple D's. And an ass like a, Apricot. Maybe I don't want to say this out loud. Maybe I'll save it for off air for later. About me? Yes.

I can take it. I remember your wife saying to you, when you guys first got to know each other, she said she thought you were gay. Oh, no, no, no. An ex-girlfriend. An ex-go. Okay. She thought, okay, specifically because of how close I was with another guy, a friend of mine, who first, I met him first period of freshman years.

of high school and became one of my best friends. And still to this day is, she thought because we were so close that we must be gay. She thought you guys were a gay couple. Yes, that's right. That's friggin hilarious. Now I want to see, like, how you guys, like, interacted with each other. I want to see if I get the same vibe. I mean, it was, okay, I would, I'm totally fine.

Go ahead, think that. What do I care? You know, it's not an insult. But I was confused, like, how in a million years, I mean, We're not like, you know, affectionate physically or, you know, I don't talk about him romantically. I didn't really understand it. But she kind of sucked as a person. You know, I'm sure she was just, she thought I'd be insulted by what I was.

Was this the one with the hairy arms? No, different ones. She's trying to be mean in a way, even though, yeah, it just didn't work. I was like, okay, whatever you say. But the one with the hairy arms, I was thinking about her when it was coming to, we were talking about things that are maybe a little unusual that you might find sexy. I loved this about her. she was a huge disgusting eater. I hate that story.

Oh, yeah, we've bonded over that because I think that's hot too. I like that she didn't like kind of do a, oh, I don't really eat, you know, or she just felt she had to hide that around. Stop it. But we dated, we dated some best friends, and she was best friends with the gal you were dating. And, yeah, she did have very hairy arms and a big eater. I wouldn't exactly call it dating. But anyway, so if you, this gal had more hair.

on her arms than Cubby had on his entire body. True. And then she ate like an animal? She did. No wonder you were with her for a year or whatever. What the hell's they wrong with you? Speaking of hair, the subject was what makes you sexy? And our listeners were texting in with their answers.

A few guys texted in and said lots and lots of body hair and they're being self-deprecating when they say that. But just so you know, just so you know. And I'm sure you've probably heard this before, but maybe you haven't.

I know a gal who was so drawn to men with just madded mountain gorilla-style body hair. Yep, me too. You are... You're into that? No, no, no, I know women that are. Oh, oh.

I'll take it or leave it. I don't really mind. Paul Stanley from Kiss, who has similar body hair to a mountain ape. This gal could not get enough of pictures of Paul Stanley with his shirt off. He doesn't.

And I just thought. Like a rug? Oh, my God. Have you ever seen Paul Stanley? No. Oh, God. It's just. It's weird because he doesn't come across as a guy that would be super.

Like, Gene Simmons seems like he'd be super hairy. Paul Stanley, to me, does not seem like it. But he sure is. He is a gorilla. That's a lot. But what makes it so much more funny to me is him being like shirtless with all that chest hair with like all the makeup on. So I don't know. It's just a funny look. So I know one gal who

she would just about pass out whenever she would, when she saw him in person, she would be close to fainting, you know, at a live concert. She loved all that body hair. Why is his body hair like shaped like that? Because he's a gorilla. Kip Winger, another guy. From sleeping

in the woods, I think. It mats it. Yeah. Kip Winger's another guy that just doesn't seem like he'd have a ton of body hair. He seems like he'd be kind of hairless. He kept it reasonable. Yeah, he He kept his pretty tight. All right, one more text here on what makes you sexy. Listeners texted in.

Jarhead Jesus says, that's easy. My dance that I do at the grocery store. He goes, double up, he dances at the grocery. That's pretty cool. Yeah, that is cool. My daughter used to try and embarrass me at Home Depot by doing dances in the, you know, you think the parent would embarrass the daughter. And I did try and do that with the kids quite often.

But, I mean, I really would get pretty embarrassed because she'd go for it. You guys have seen her dance. She can break dance pretty good. I've seen her do the worm. Yeah, she's pretty good to do that, no less. But when she was young, she used to do that kind of thing. It was almost always Home Depot. Maybe we just had Home Depot.

That's awesome. I've seen her dance. I was shocked when she told me that the club kept 50%. But that kind of stuff. can get a man killed. You know how to hurt a guy. I could see the soul leaving Josh's body. Tommy's the ones that are closest to you.

They know how to do it the best. The look of defeat in your eyes was just heartbreaking. I mean, just remembering how disappointed she was with that 50% thing brought me back. A lot of pain in our family. I remember it was like they were playing, you know, the loud rap music. And from across the club, she said, hey, I think you work with my. stepdad. Yeah.

But, you know, at least she had... $1,000 later. She had her mother-slash-co-worker to kind of talk about some of the disappointment with the payments. Let's go ahead and gang-bang today's stupid news report. Where are the robot vacuum pilots here on the program again?

Which one of you has your own robot vacuum? Cubby? I have a robot. That was stupid. Yes, I have a robot vacuum. Anybody else? I haven't used it in a little while. Yeah, we got one.

Yeah, I have one, and I actually was just yelling about him last night. I hate him. And I feel bad. I feel really bad for saying that. We just got it a couple months ago. Half-priced, don't you know? I stopped using it because we... It's stupid.

I would program up between floors. But then I would forget what day, which floor it had to be on. So I just kind of stop. Let me tell you this. Be careful with your side piece around that robot vacuum. When your wife leaves you home alone, Josh, and you bring your side squish over to the house to service you, be conscious of where you parked that robo vacuum. Because that little bastard just might end your marriage for you.

And I don't think you want that. At least last time I asked you, you didn't want that. Me personally? No, I'd prefer not. You would rather stay married. I'm happy where we're at. Well, you settled. Some poor bastard.

Way the F over there in Taiwan. The poor guy caught his wife cheating with another man. What happened was the type of robo vac that this dude owns, it has a camera on the damn thing so he can follow its route. He can see where it's going. Sounds kind of fun, but anyways, dude was out the house, Summers. He remotely activated his robot vacuum. He thought maybe while he's out of town or whatever, he'll run the robot vacuum.

And when that live RoboVac camera kicked in, he saw some other man in his home. He was tracking on her. He saw some other man absolutely pile driving his old lady into the couch. The dude was just burying it. Yeah, he was looking for that. You think it wasn't just a guy trying to vacuum the house? No, when have you ever heard of a guy just, when have you ever heard of a guy just randomly? When he's out of town busy thinking, huh, you?

know it would be a good thing to do vacuum my house. Well, I can totally see Josh doing that. I actually have a reminder to set my... Okay, you don't count, though. I would actually do that too. I would because I... Really? Yeah, oh yeah, I have OCD about keeping... I could see myself to...

Most men I know, and it would not do that. It doesn't matter why he checked the rope. He already checked, he turned on the robo vac, and that little camera turned on, and he saw some other man, folding his wife, smooth in half. He also got to watch his wife and this other guy walk around the house naked. I was going to ask. I wonder how long he watched that, but it sounds like he watched it until they were done.

I really have no idea. Why does that matter? I just think that's interesting. What would you do if you saw something like that, Ashley? I'd probably come home. Immediately? Yeah. I would want to catch them in the act.

That'd be fun. Like to join or what would you do? No, just to go ballistic. He got to see the other guys D swinging, ass cheeks, everything. Now, here's a hell of a twist. The poor guy who had to watch his wife get wheelbarreled around his own home. He upped and sued both of them, which it says here you can do in Taiwan. How do you call the time again?

Taiwan. You can sue for infidelity? Can we do that around here? I have no idea. I don't think so. I mean, maybe like if there's a pre-nup type of thing, you could just say you don't get any money. Yeah, good question. I've never heard that.

So he sues the both of them, and he won the case. His wife and that well-hung jabroney that turned her genitals into dust, those two were ordered to pay the man around $15,000 for what they had done. Dude. That'll teach him. To the best of my knowledge, I've never been changed. cheated on, but I just got a robot vacuum about two months ago, so I don't know.

I've never had one in the past. Start checking. Does it have a camera? Does it? Yeah. I don't believe so. I mean, I'm sure it's got like, I don't know, it maps the room somehow, radar or something. I'm not sure. Sued his wife and her side action $15,000 for what they had done. But wait! There's more?

Then the wife countersued the husband. she says she was filmed without permission and she won that case so the husband was ordered to pay her $5,000 so he had to give some of that money right back but at least now it's all over but wait

and then the husband was thrown into jail for the next five months for filming his wife without her permission while she got blistered in his own home. That's so, okay, that's weird, just trying to think of, it seems like you should be able to film what's going on in your house, right? You can have cameras and stuff.

Yeah. But this ain't Taiwan. I don't know the rules in Taiwan. Yeah, this ain't Taiwan. Good point. So it must be a little different there. I wonder how that, let's say I knew my wife was getting some on the side. If that's the case, I'd like to pick the guy.

I'd like to be a part of it in some way. But could I film her? Without her knowing. Nick, I see you're adjusting your outfit. I was straightening my outfit. You're in contention. I bet I was in the running. I had a feeling I was in the running.

Dana, you're also in contention because my wife, she's always preferred like hot, bad boys that are good and bad and stuff like that. So I'd be comfortable with you kind of stepping in and changing that up. So that's where the story closes out. So we're left to believe that the husband really has to go ahead and sit in the cooler for the next five months. That doesn't seem right to me. Dang, he should have never tried to get money from them. Can you imagine how big of a jerk that dude that was banging the wife is going to be to him? You know, it turned around on him big time.

Yeah, he's up 10 grand, but he's going to spend five months in a Taiwanese prison? Oh, no. Imagine what his new ex-wife and this sidepiece are going to do to each other in that five months. I know, laughing their ass is off. They're going to have the, they're out 10 grand, but. But really, the genitals turn to dust, huh? Dude. Wow.

Never been able to bring that. Did you see the way the guy was just bringing it straight? rate down? I didn't see the video, but I saw what you were doing there. Just pile driver. That would work. Yeah. Ouch.

That is an orgasm provider right there. All right. Naked dudes. I've seen a naked dude before. What about the rest of you? Sure. Yeah. I have.

Your thoughts. It's all right. You know, it's not necessarily my thing, but I can appreciate what God did there. Like five out of ten times. It's usually a good experience. What happens in the other five? It's a bad experience. That's a bad sight.

What makes it bad? I don't want to be too mean. Balls are bad. Okay, so you're saying aesthetics, not like the situation. No, aesthetics, yeah. We're not talking situational. Like maybe when you go to the gym, you don't want to see. And I know you're likely in a different locker room, Ashley,

but I never really like that seeing the old guys. Like usually. No, it's gross. They're taking a blow dryer to their pubs, and there's so many pubs. And let's be honest. Nobody can make a set of balls. look good. No. It hasn't happened yet. I'm not counting on it happening in my life. My wife mentions that a lot. No one's made a set of balls look good even even to this day. Okay. In my

lifetime, I've seen a naked man and I've also seen a makeshift flame thrower. For example, the aerosol can cigarette lighter gimmick that was a fixture at most hard rock shows that I went to when I was a kid. We did that as kids until we heard that that can explode in your hand. But I've never seeing what the two of them can do when they unite a naked man and the poor man's flamethrower that aerosol can and lighter i've yet to see that if and you want to experience what that combination looks like apparently there's a video going round and round it's on our website up on 93x.com assuming we paid the bill a video from oklahoma city oklahoma oh josh knows this back in the day i got a

a little too loose in Oklahoma City. What band Mr. Big? What record leading into it? What year 1991 track four side two? In Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, police with their body cameras recorded a fun moment where a naked man, again, D-swinging, naked dude fired a makeshift flame thrower at the cops. And he came up with that idea while the police were trying to serve an eviction notice to the some bitch at his garbage apartment complex. So, yeah, I'll try to make this quick. The cops showed up to pull this moron out his apartment. He'd been evicted.

But like a petulant little child, he refused to leave. The cops are a kicking at his door. Hollering like hell. They bashed their way into the apartment. It's dark. The cops got out. They flashlights. Suddenly they see this idiot sitting in a chair ass naked.

The cops hollered at the dude to drop both his Johnson and whatever he had in the other hand. I don't think they really recognized what was going on at first. Next thing you know, stupid ass, put that cigarette lighter to that aerosol can, and he shot a fireball at the cops. Oh, pick out, pick you! Hey! Fire fire, make up. Quit.

Quit. Boom. Fireball. That was a huge fireball, by the way. Yeah. We'd never created something that cool. We were kids. Well, you never tried it naked, I bet.

Oh, good call. Yeah. Apparently, here's what I like about this group of cops who stormed the apartment and had a fireball shot into their face by a nude man. Apparently, this group of cops said, you know what, piss on this nonsense. They upped and evacuated the entire apartment complex, and they let the local bomb squad go in there and beat this dude unconscious. They knocked his little rod and that chicken.

Dick Flamethrower out of his hands and they took the idiot to into custody. Says here, dude got thrown smooth into the Ha Ha Ha House. Probably a good place for him for a while. Yeah, probably a decent spot for the guy. All right.

We got time for one more. And both stories come from Japan. Josh, which would you like to hear? Mount Fuji or the slowest tug of war in the history of mankind? the tug of war so folks can see that on 93x.com.

Ah. Another reason to visit our website, other than buying tickets to this weekend's Creed show. It's a half-fast morning show, summer bash. Tickets are still a... This is different, but Japan is different, usually in a good way. This year is something you might want to see for yourself on our website. The Japanese just staged the world's slowest tug of war. On one side, an army of Japanese people. And on the other side, a 360-toned castle. And now this is strange. You've got to see it, I think, to fully understand what I'm talking about.

Last weekend, a crowd of 1,800 people in a town called Amori or something. They went ahead and pulled a three-story tall historic castle. They pulled it a little more than six feet just using ropes, very long ropes, not shooting them, just pulling on them. they're oh one two three ah pulling like hell they chanted in unison it was all very weird but it says here oh sure uh to move a cast says here the building was shifted over a little bit in the year of 20 and 15 so workers could rebuild a stone wall that had been damaged by one of those earthquakes so they had done this before The wacky-ass Japanese, they pulled this castle before to one side to reassemble this wall, and now they're moving it back.

They call this gimmick Hikaya. It's an old Japanese method of sliding intact buildings on rollers. 8,000 people applied to pull this big stupid castle. 1,800 of them got the gig. Some traveled for miles for the opportunity to pull the castle. This is a special thing. So now, more than 4,000 more people have been selected by a lottery system. Those bastards will help move the castle about 16 more feet over in the next week or so

before machines take over from there, I guess, for more repairs. So go ahead. Give it a look. I know it's a little confusing. I don't really even just to think that they, how did they put this freaking castle on rollers in the first? Yeah. I don't get it. And then they tie ropes all over, three stories all.

Just a bunch of dollies. They've got like 500 dollies out there. I would kind of want somebody to pay attention for the guy that's like on the back of a tandem bicycle. You know they're not really doing a ton of the work. Oh, that'd be me. Nobody would notice. Oh, you'd be the one? Yeah, that's like when my husband asks me to help him, like, move a dresser.

And I'm like, all right, you know you're going to be doing 95% of this work. I'm putting in that. Somebody's got to sign up for this, and it ain't going to be me. So good for the Japanese that they have. the balls for this. Yeah, I mean, I can tell you, full on 100% honesty. Every time I've helped a group of guys move something heavy, I'm usually doing very little. They don't, I'm good at selling it, though. I'm like, okay, come on, guys, go, go, go, right? You lifted a big couch or something. I'm usually doing very little, and the boys don't seem to notice.

Same of those silly pedal pubs that I've unfortunately gone on a couple times. I'm not doing any of the pedaling. Nah. Are you putting your feet on pegs or are you pretending at least? I always try to get the spot in the back that there aren't even pedals there for you if you wanted to contribute. Oh, I didn't know that was a thing. Boy, was I lost when I joined a pedal pub. You could never get me on one of those. Well, see, I didn't understand it.

I thought it was all fake. Oh, like the person is actually driving you? Yeah, I thought, yes, exactly. I mean, I'd seen them go by in the city. and everyone's moving their legs as if they're peddling, I thought that was performative. Exactly. So we get on this frigging pedal pub thing,

and there's like a dude, there's like a captain. I always thought the sum bitch had a little motor on it, and the peddling was just for show, and we get on this damn thing. And we're really the ones who are powering this thing? I said, I'm not doing it. There was one chair. I think all of them have one chair with no pedals.

I said, that's where I'm sitting. I'm not doing this. This is stupid. That was one of the dumbest days of my life Have you ever tried to pedal like a giant swan In the middle of the lake? You know, have you seen those? Maybe when I was six.

Oh, those are tougher than they look. Sports On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. You know what I've noticed this morning, Josh? What's that? The text machine is bumping. The text machine is humming. This morning.

Talking about a little bit of everything. Just a minute ago, we were talking about if we've ever had to lift something heavy with a large group of people. I admitted that I usually do very little, and I'm good at faking it, nobody notices. We get the job done. No one seems to notice that I've done very little. Interesting text message here, some advice for you. If you're going to be a pallbearer, speaking of lifting, listener says, there's not as much weight by the feet. So get that, sign up. If you get a, like, if you draft a spot, if you flip a coin for the spot, hope to get where the feet are.

Yeah, I mean, you could probably figure it out by the position of the coffin, but if you're not too sure, I'm trying to think, how do you ask that? Can I take a peek real quick? Which end is the head? I'd like to. I realize they've passed, but I'd like to say something to him. Where's the head? I want to make sure he's in there.

I was a pallbearer once. on a very, very hot summer day, and I was nervous that we were going to dump that. But we got her done. I was very nervous because our hands were sweaty. Oh, we're so hot, Cubby. I've only done it once, but there was a cart, and I'd never seen that before. So there was... Getting smart.

Six of us, and we just... You wheeled, you pushed the... Yeah, you just kind of held on to basically a railing. Huh. And everybody just walked up the... I'll be bad. Maybe that's kind of the route they go now after seeing all these viral videos of people. Oh, yeah.

You ever see the show Coughinflop? On cornclop? No. There's a whole show. Oh, yeah. Coffin flop is great. Okay, so this is all home videos of people spilling dead bodies. It's a bit from a TV show.

Also, earlier we discussed what makes you sexy? We had our listeners text in and tell us what is it about them that makes them sexy. Here's another one that came in. where a listener says my sexiest quality is I ask for permission first. Before I drive my car to Josh Mama House. I mean, come on. Twins had a beautiful win last night at home over the Detroit Tigers. Coming up at 7.30, we expect to hear from Randy Shaver, Brad Rider,

see Willie Miles. Josh's news is coming up next. The 93-X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up.

Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tuneup or double dip and save $140 if you add the AC tuneup as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Randy Schaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialki's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries, even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bianchi Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-L-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-Side. Half-assed morning show 93X Dispatch got a call that he had stopped at a resident Troopers were able to make contact with Mr. Roman He was actually attempting to make entry into the back of that residence

The average person is not exactly equipped to fight a sizable fire which is why when your house does catch on fire you generally want firefighters showing up and you think you'd be grateful but one man in New Hampshire apparently saw the firefighters arrive and thought

dibs on the truck. Multiple fire departments were called to a rural property in Dalton last Tuesday morning near the Vermont border. Firefighters teamed up with a brigade from Whitefield to battle the blaze had a home of a 30-year-old named Nestor Roman II. And while those firefighters were busy trying to put out his house fire, Roman made the odd decision to get behind the wheel of a Whitefield fire and rescue truck. Fire truck.

As he played fire truck driver, he sidest wiped another emergency vehicle that was actively battling the blaze, plowing over multiple water supply lines. Oh my God. Narrowly missed two firefighters and nearly pinned the third between two trucks. Then for an encore, he hit a firefighters parked personal vehicle. New Hampshire State Police said the driver then flattened wooden fences at two more properties before finally crashing at yet another where he tried to swipe items off the porch for good measure.

He got out of the truck to snatch some... Like a, he got out of the truck to do like a porch pirate. It was a porch pirate at the end of that. Again, it started with, it started with stealing a fire truck that they were just trying to, you know, put the fire out at his house. He was eventually apprehended. At his house?

His house, yes. Hit with several charges. Thanks for the help. This guy's a real wild card. I know, yeah. You just don't know what you're going to get with him. That's fun. The cause of the fire is under investigation and the reason behind the fire truck

Theft is a mystery too. Although if you see his mugshot, he kind of looks like the kind of guy who eats worms. So maybe he just is a little nuts. Sounds like he might be a little. A little kooky. Sure. We had a few firefighters check in on the topic earlier of what makes you sexy. And they believe that being a firefighter does.

I would think that's pretty common. They have calendars. Yeah. Overrated. It's kind of a shoeing. Yeah. We've seen women here pardon the pun. You know what, don't pardon the pun.

melt when the firefighters show up. I'm going to call it overrated. It's almost comical how many women they'll attract at the state fair, the St. Paul firefighters, when they've got their shirts off running around selling the calendars and whatever. I haven't seen that in a few years. Maybe they don't do that anymore. But when we used to broadcast there, they'd show up and they'd be, you know, handing out

calendars and the ladies would swoon. I'll tell you what. I've got one of those calendars. Have I got one this year? yet, though? From the St. Paul? What the heck? Yep. Running out of time there, actually.

Oh, that's a lot of fun. I think one year they hand delivered it, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, that was beautiful. At the fair? Yep. Yeah. What's to look for them on Friday? By the way, yes, if you'd like to come out to the 93X booth, we sure would like to meet you.

Right around 10 to noon on Friday, we'll be back out there. How do you make a firefighter come? Call 911. A 24-year-old Florida woman. apparently decided the real headliner Thursday night wasn't avenge sevenfold or a good Charlotte. It was the ambulance parked outside their Phoenix concert. Grace Vesente, a New Mexico correctional officer,

who obviously should have known better, decided to seize the day by seizing an ambulance and taking it for a joy ride. Fire truck? The two-mile, no ambulance. The two-mile two-crash nightmare tour ended in a wall after she clipped a pickup truck and then brought the tour to a con-reesome.

Creek conclusion. As in encore, the concert gore was later found catching some shut-eye in the middle of traffic. She was exhausted. Prosecutors said paramedics had briefly stepped away from the ambulance to retrieve a gurney. When they came back, the ambulance was replaced by an empty parking spot. Vesente was booked on DUI and theft of a means of transportation, and prosecutors say she admitted to blacking out somewhere between the Mosh Pit and the multi-car pile-up. Her attorney confirmed that Vicente had traveled to Phoenix specifically to attend the Avenge Sevenfold and Good Charlotte concert. Good Charlotte, Bad Vicente. Her attorney said she came here to attend a concert and things just ended up happening that were completely out of her normal nature.

Things just ended up happening. I don't know. She flipped out. She just thought, dang, that looks fun. School districts and law enforcement agencies are responding to social media, media posts connected to the viral cat-in-the-hat trend. Have you guys been following this one at all? No. Not at all.

What's this now? Posts are referencing schools, communities, and in some cases, individual students. The images, which initially surfaced on Facebook, were paired with bogus and deceptive claims that officers were investigating a sinister real-world copy something of Dr. Seuss's cat in the hat. The unsettling photograph showed an eerie catlight figure lurking through the streaks and loitering in residence driveways, creeping and peeping and causing a scare with nobody yet knowing just why he was there. I love you.

Fortunately, thanks, I was worried that somebody would hate me for that. Fortunately for those left unnerved officials in several states have confirmed the pictures aren't real. They're artificially generated. So, not a cat, not a hat, just an internet pest, a dork with a kid. keyboard who's not touched abreast. Police warn the person responsible that hiding behind a fake profile will not keep them anonymous and they face serious felony charges. Abrest.

Police say the trend appears to have originated from an August 8th post about Mike Myers' original Cat in the Hat movie costume, which is being auctioned off. This has gone worldwide, baby. Could you imagine like a killer cat in the hat? That would freak me out. They're probably, you know, when the, what do they call that? whatever the, when the licensing opens up, a free line, I can't remember what they call it. It's killing me.

I can't remember. But public domain. If Cat and Hat ever gets into public domain, they probably will like they have with, like, Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh. What's the other one? There's another one recently, too, where it became public domain and they're making horror movies out of it. Oh, yeah.

Bambi? Yes. No, yeah, it was Bambi. You saw the Winnie the Pooh movie, right, Ashley? Yeah, Blood and Honey. I think everyone needs to go see that. it was hilarious. You did like it?

I loved it because Winnie the Pooh in this movie, when he like hears a noise or needs to look somewhere, he turns his head super fast. I don't know. You got to watch it.

It's the funniest thing I've ever seen. Blood and honey? Yes. Oh God. I watched it in theaters too. Oh, man. So there were rumors that there was a cat in the hat character lurking in neighborhoods to do evil. Yeah, worldwide again.

It was all AI generated. And there were people who believed it. Yeah, and there was reports online saying the cops are investigating. They're very concerned. Now, I will say it did, like Texas was an example. They did lock down some schools out of, you know, what they call an abundance of caution. Holy balls. It's affecting people in the real world.

But they say as of now, it's just. Come on. Chat GP cat. Oh, wow. It's not just the cat in the hat. We have to keep an eye out for. There's also the cow on a crime spree. A Tennessee thief was caught on camera

looking utterly ridiculous in a cow onesie when he and an accomplice broke into a smoke shop and stole a handful of vapes. Are vapes expensive? They can be. Depends on what ones you buy. Well, like, give me an example. Anywhere from 20 to 40 bucks. Okay, so not like in the hundreds or anything like that.

No, I mean, there might be like those big douche flute kind of vibe ones, you know, like they're like you guys have seen them. They're big. They look like an old walkman. Yeah, uh-huh. Those are probably, those are more expensive. Those can go for 100, 200. First spotted trying to the handle of the vape shop door alongside another mass person around 2 a.m.

August 9th, the longhorn larcenist was decked out in the goofy disguise during an apparent casing of the store. while his partner in crime opted for a much more low-key, all-black get-up. You know, the classic. Exactly a week later, police said the same guy returned to the vape shop with the same barnyard-d-discay strategy about 1 a.m. with two other compatriots. Cops say that the herd made their way into the store, then ran off with multiple vape products. The trio, including that cow-costumed crook, is still on the lamb. Wow, Christ.

Just as a cow. Is that just because he wants to make the news, you think? Probably. Maybe that's all he had. Just really into cows? Your guess is as good as anybody else, Josh. I have no effing idea. Or you know how in Home Alone, the wet bandits, you want to have a thing?

Yeah. Hey, I'm like the cow guy. Like a calling card. Yeah. For a brief moment over the weekend, there was a new unauthorized exhibit at Duluth's Lake Superior Zoo, hominoid machetes. A man arrested near the zoo Saturday after. he allegedly struck a vehicle, was then spotted waving a machete.

And in a bizarre twist, the suspect himself called 911 to report, hey, I'm in the woods near the zoo. A rare species indeed, the self-snitching suspect. Police eventually found the vehicle belonging to machete's stupidest at the zoo and arrested him when he emerged from the woods. So thankfully, the zooist newest attraction turned out to be a limited engagement with no animals or people harmed. While Minnesota had the dangerous pant-wearing machete as stupidest,

North Carolina health officials are dealing with goadus rabbitists. Officials are warning anyone who visited a traveling petting zoo between July 28th and August 27th to come forward because multiple baby goats, Ashley, tested positive for rabies. That's nuts. He said zombie goats. They're afraid infected people. Little baby goats have rabies?

Investigators suspect a skunk snuck into the, depend in late July and cause that outbreak. That'll do it. That's so crazy. And as we wrap up our zoological tour this morning, we have to pour one out for the passenger pigeon. No. On this day in zoo history, September 1st, 1914, the last known passenger pigeon died at the Cincinnati Zoo, marking the extinction of the species. Oh, that's rough.

That's sad. That's for real, huh? Yeah. September 1st, 1914. I'm going to go along with it. I got to be honest. Haven't really missed them. But I was sad to hear that.

That's too bad they would have to stand. It must have been a badge of honor to be the last one left. I never felt the lacking for the pigeon. No, they didn't really have much of an effect on our lives, but so long, suckers. Maybe if we were born in 1913, it would have been a big deal. There are some new shows streaming today, including a sitcom spinoff of a popular 90s comedy and a documentary about one of the most talked about Olympic. performances in recent memory.

Olympic performances. On Paramount Plus, the Varnel Hill Show. A spinoff of Martin Lawrence's hit sitcom Martin. I still watch Martin Knightley. Oh, do you? Yes, I do. Are you familiar? I didn't recognize the name Varnel Hill.

That doesn't ring a bell for me either. I had to ask my wife because she loved that show. Varnel Hill. She didn't remember him either. I remember Tommy and Cole and Shannana and Gina and who was the gal that he was always rivaling with the neighbor gal that ended up marrying Tommy. Go ahead. Tommy Davidson reprises his role as the Larger Than Life TV host, trying desperately to stay relevant in a changing entertainment industry. The eight-episode comedy also features guest

appearances. Boy, that's going to go no way. Yeah, probably. Maybe the guest appearances will help. I mean, once you said Tommy Davidson, that does ring a bell. Guest appearances. I'm sorry. Damon Wayans. Mike Epps. Love Mike Epps. Martin Lawrence. There you go. I'm kind of worried it'll be one of those things where he's on for five minutes.

It doesn't matter, Josh. This will be canceled almost immediately. Most likely, yes. And then there's a new documentary about Australian break dancer Rachel Raygun Gunn. Yeah, I'm passing on this. Who became a global punchline. I was annoyed with her the first time I thought about it. I still don't get it.

I mean, maybe I should watch a documentary because, I never followed this. I still don't understand what happened here. So maybe I'm the right guy to watch this some bitch. One or two people consider her a joke. After her scoreless performance at the 2024 Paris Olympics, in untold Raygun Breaking Badly. Okay, yeah.

Now popping and locking on Netflix, Rachel says she panicked before competing because she was afraid the world would ridicule her. Turns out she was on to something. Yeah, I'm with you guys. say it was kind of annoying from the get-go, but they're expecting this to be relatively popular. Maybe if you watch it, let us know. Oh, she's just desperate to cling on to that fleeting fame that she got a couple of years ago.

I don't know. You think this was her. But I need an explanation. I need an explanation. I do too. Was it a bit? It sure seems like it had to be. Let's watch the show and find out. All right. Yeah, let's make a pact. We'll watch the show. And that's 93X News. That's an absolute avalanche of on-air talent. Most morning shows aren't built for this. You all right, Randy? Yeah, I'm just preparing for what you're going to say. You never know which way it's going to go.

Preparing for the avalanche. And all of it's true. We've got Randy Shaver, Brad Rider, and in studio, C Willie Miles. How's everybody doing? I'm good. Good. Like an old friend of ours said, one perfectly placed hand grenade

could bring quality Twin Cities morning radio to a dead stop. With everybody we got gathered around, it'd be over. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Last night's Twins game featured the baseball equivalent

of an empty net goal. Wow. That was pretty funny. It's okay. We'll take it, though. We'll take it. We all got a good laugh out of it. I'm picking on Twins rookie Walker Jenkins, who hit his first career dong off of a position player.

It's going to be a great trivia question. Yeah. 15 years from now, when Walker Jenkins is on his way to a Hall of Fame career, and the question will be, who did he hit his first home run of his career off of? Right. And we'll be racking our brains about pitchers when it really will be Zach McKinstry.

Right. Who played right field and then switched over to pitcher in that game. Game one of that Twins Tiger series turned out to be a gong show. A gong show for the tigers. Yeah, the last two innings of the last night, the last two innings of the ball game,

because the twins had such a wicked lead and the tigers were out of gas, they were out of arms. They threw this McKinstree bum. The last two innings, The last two had bats for the twins. It was more or less slow-pitched softball. Did you see the mile per hour on the home run pitch?

What did you? In the 40s? 37 miles per hour. I was throwing a heat like that back in the day. See, Willie Miles, you could still hit 37 miles an hour. It's interesting. He got enough bat speed on that to get it out because most times when a ball's coming in that slow, you can't get enough, you know, there's not enough velo coming off of the pitch to

it out. You don't need to tell Nick about Velo. He knows all about Velo. I'm a Velo guy. It's funny you mentioned Batspeed Brad Rider years ago when I was playing Beer League softball. We did have a much older guy on the team. He was actually one of my pals, dads.

And he was strictly a pitcher. He was too Jurassic to go out onto the field. But he was a quality pitcher and a fun guy to hang out with. But I was really confused one game. Again, we're playing slow pitch softball. And before our first at bat, the old timer does this. All right, boys, bat speed out there, bat speed. Bat speed. They're lobbing it in

for Christ's sake. You almost fall asleep at the wheel a lot of the times when you're playing slow pitch. So it was a fun moment for Walker Jenkins. Everybody laughing their asses off. Smoking the foul pole off of a position player for his first career home run and RBI. Ryan Jeffers got out the dong twice. The twins were dominant last. night and got the win. Yeah, yeah. 11 to 1. Tage Bradley got that 10th win you've been waiting on Randy Shaver.

And he looked great doing it. So he did. Game two, the Tigers are starting off tonight with a feller called Trey, no, Troy Melton, who is 7 and 3 with a 1.86 ERA. He's been bouncing around between the bullpen and in the rotations. Oh, I wasn't aware of that. And Andrew Morris will start for the twins tonight, so a good start to the series. Must be a bullpen game for the twins, I'll bet. Well, they originally named pre-lip, but then they switched it over to Morris.

Sounds like a bullpen game to me. Yep. There you go. There you friggin go. Twins are, what, I think they're three and a half out of the wild card. Three and a half. Three and a half. So they're hanging in.

You need to sweep. Everybody in front of them, and the twins have won two in a row. everybody in front of them has all at least won one game, if not multiple games. So everybody's starting to play better. And you're seeing that fight for the final wild card. The push will start today. What is it? Today's September 1st.

So here we go, month of September. The Twins are planning on some more call-ups. One of them being a relief pitcher by the name of Garrett Acton. We've seen him before. But a utility player by the name of Ben Ross will be part of these call-ups. And this is, I mean, you've got to root for this guy, 25 years old, been in the minors his entire career.

He's played every position on the field except pitcher and catcher. And it says here, if he plays tonight or tomorrow night, he'll be making his big league debut. So be on the lookout for Ben Ross. You got to love this kid. A Colorado Rockies rookie player. by the name of Cole Carrig. Cole Carrig. Yep.

He got benched by his skipper for giving Atlanta Braves fans the middle finger while he was out there on the ball field. He was not subtle about it either. No, I like that. That's great. You look good doing it. This is the kind of kid you want on your ball club, in my opinion.

You've got to commit to it. Did he go both hands, copy, or one? I just saw one. One, but he went for it. You couldn't see the other one and it was in a glove. I didn't know if he maybe removed the glove to give him the... I'd like to think he was doing it in both then. 100%.

He wasn't scratching his forehead with it or anything like that. The other night playing center field for the Rockies, Kerrig missed a diving catch. They're playing in Georgia, don't you know, against the Braves. After the play, a group of Braves fans in the bleachers appeared to heckle Carrig. He responded by dumping the middle finger on every damn last one of them. I love that.

The manager for the Rockies, a fellow by the name of Warren Schaefer, has since benched Kerrig. He says, for a couple of days. A couple of days. A couple of days off for flipping the bird, not bad. As you say, this time of year, he probably didn't mind that. He'll probably go back out there and do it again. Dana, you've mentioned before that you were a little bit of a temperamental young athlete.

Absolutely. Did you ever get out the stone cold salute for anybody? You know, I don't think so. I mean, I definitely mouthed off a lot and would swear, but I don't know if I ever did the full bird, which is surprising because of how prevalent it was in the late 90s because of Stone Cold Steve Austin. Right.

Yeah, no, I don't think I ever did. See, Willie Miles, middle finger to the opposition. Or even a teammate. No, no, no. I was like Dana. I was like, I was verbal. Okay. Very verbal.

I mean, I don't think it was ever even a thought growing up. Oh, God, I did it. first in playing sports and being upset or whatever. I don't ever recall any of my teammates or us doing it. I got a kick out of a couple years ago. Anthony Edwards gave the basketball the finger. Does anyone remember that? I think I saw you do that with a pickleball net.

Yes, I did. I smoked the pickleball. It hit the net. And of course, that's the net's fault. Josh is right. I gave the net the finger. You were so mad at that. That was only a handful of months ago.

Yeah, when I was a ninth grade hockey player, there was this team, there was this Minnetonka team that we hated. We hated, because partially, simply because they were from Minnetonka. But being a temperamental little idiot ninth grade kid, I hated their coaches because in my opinion, their coaches didn't look like what hockey coaches should look like. These guys looked like Duran Duran. I ain't kidding.

They had beautiful, bleach, blonde, stylish hair, and they wore these, this is, you know, mid-80s. They wore the hippest, like they look like pop stars. And that aggravated me just for no good reason, obviously. I was 15 years old. So I just had it in my head that I was going to hate these guys. So at one point or another, I scored on their goaltender, and I skated by their bench, and I gave the coaches the finger. I took my hockey glove off and I went right here, boys, right across the board. Screw you, Duran Duran.

Yeah. Now, the year comes to a close and there was like a, I'm not trying to be a douchebag here, but it was like an All-Star team. And I was selected to play on that All-Star team. Guess who the coaches were for that All-Star team? But I got to say, I give them all the credit in the world. When I walked in the locker room, they all just started laughing and said, there he is, Mr. Personality.

Right. There he is. I've been funny if they gave you the bird when you walked in. I would have loved it. And of course, because I was young and stupid and totally naive, they were great guys. Right. I based my opinion on them solely on appearance like a kid, might.

You made your impression. I did. This is pretty bad. Sticking with baseball, a little something here on one of the worst clubs in the big leagues this season. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the greater Orange County area, public and parochial. Now, I'm not sure what they accomplished last night, playing at home against the New York Yankees,

but going into last night's ballgame, this season, they have lost 22 games after entering the ninth inning, either tied or holding a lead. Find a closer. So you're saying they need bullpen help? Yeah. Like Randy said, they're not deal closers.

Some of us have that problem in our personal lives. They're not deal closers. They won 10 to 1 last night, so they didn't need a closer. Okay. Yeah, that's a problem for them, it sounds like. 22 losses this season when entering the ninth inning, either holding a lead or tied, they say, according to the story, that's the most type losses by a team before September in big league baseball history.

No one's dumped that many games before September, when in a position to win. Not deal closers, Cubby. Yep. Like you, cold-blooded some bitch that you are. Deal closer. Deal closer? Yeah.

But here's the problem for the Angels. Have they won half of those games, they still wouldn't be anywhere near the wild card. No, they've had a terrible season. Yeah, they needed much more than that in order to be a contending team. Over the weekend, Friday night, they played the Philadelphia Phillies. They were up 3-1 going into the night. Some douchebag from the Phillies hits a grand slam.

they lose 5.3. Saturday night, they went into the ninth tied 1-1. She goes to X-3s. Philadelphia wins the game 4-2 and 10 innings. That's become part of the story of the Los Angeles Angels, which is kind of hilarious. There's the bad. Here's the good for Major League Baseball. The Chicago Cubs, Randy's little favorite ball club, the Chicago Cubs, they just wrapped up what they call here, one of the most dominant offensive of months in the history of baseball. They entered last night's game against the Milwaukee Brewers with 53 home runs just in the month of August.

That's the most in baseball by a wide margin. 53 home runs just in August. Last night, they beat Milwaukee 17 to 3. They hit nine home runs in last night's ball game. That is a franchise record. My God. But put it in perspective, the 62 home runs in August is nowhere close to the Major League record, which is 74 hit by the Yankees in 2019.

What a joke. 74 home runs. Well, they play in a wiffle ballpark. You should hit 73 home run. That new Yankee Stadium is a- Sort of the Cubs. Yeah, they do. Wrigley Field is a wiffle ballpark. I think right field that Yankee Stadium is the worst stadium.

feature in all of baseball. It's a whiffle ballpark. The wind blowing out too. Yeah. The wind plays a big part at Wrigley, for sure. So the output that the Cubs had last night made both franchise and National League history. Nine home runs in a game. They came one home run away from tying the all-time record for home runs in a single game.

Three of those home runs last night were hit by Alex Bregman. So they're just, they're killing it right now. They're killing it. And Alex Breggman, in the month of August, that was his second three home run game in the month of August. He's a little prick. He is. He has found new life in Chicago because his career was near the end prior to this season.

I know a lot of time has gone by, but Breggman was one of those guys when the Astros got caught cheating. He was one of those guys where it was obvious. He was only sorry that he got caught. That set me off of Alex Bregman right from the get-go. Cubby, we're going back to the year 18 and 90 for some sports history on this date in 18 and F-N-90. Wow. That was baseball's first and only triple header.

What the hell were they thinking with that? That sounds exhausting. What are you playing six innings or something? As far as I know, it was legit baseball, see Willie Miles. Wow. They tried it once and put a lid on it right away. Baseball's first and only triple header. What do they start? 7 o'clock in the morning? I must have to.

Start it around 9 in the morning, sure. I went to a doubleheader once at the Metro. It was like 2002, 2003, right when the Twins are starting to get good again. And we were excited about it. Double header. We quickly realized two baseball games is too many. Ooh, we. In one day, especially inside at the Metrodome. Yeah.

When I was a little kid and we went, they used to schedule those all the time at the old man. back in the 70s, and that was so fun when my dad would take me to those doubleheaders. We'd get there right before game time in the first game, and then, yeah, it was awesome. You had the time of your life, but I bet the old man was dragging a little bit. Oh, I'm sure he was. I looked it up, and it was nine innings. So it wasn't a shorter game at all back then.

That's crazy. That's all day. 18 and 90, we didn't know what we were doing at that point. And they didn't have a pitch clock, so who knows how long each day? They didn't have a clock. There was no such thing as clock. They had a sundial right now. Play it till dark.

My God. All right, this will aggravate some folks here. I'm moving on to football. This will aggravate some folks, I'm sure. So the Vikings played their final, final practice game against somebody the other day. It doesn't matter. The outcome doesn't matter. But folks might be interested in knowing that, according to what I read yesterday,

what's it say here? the Vikings coaching staff and whatnot, they wanted totally unproven an injury-prone quarterback J.J. McCarthy to play in that practice ball game, but he said no. That's weird. He said he didn't feel comfortable enough to put on pads

despite being cleared by the team's medical staff. He's had a little funny little ankle issue. So they said, we'd like you to play. The medical staff has cleared you. And he said, yeah, no thanks. Yeah, but now they're saying he's out several weeks. with the same injury. So what's going on here?

Yeah, I don't know. It all sounds fishy. That tells me that he wasn't willing to risk getting hurt, so he might be of some value to another club in a trade scenario. Yeah, yeah, but that's not his decision to make, though. If they cleared him to play, he probably should have played. Well, yeah, I know. I'm agreeing with you, yeah.

The amount of it is punishing him. Now we're going to sit you for two weeks. This guy's such a diva. That might be what it is. It sure seems that way. Teams do that. They're saying, oh, you don't want to play? Fine.

He strikes me as the type of person who's never been said no to in his life. He was a hot shot in high school, big man on campus at Michigan, and he's probably got people in his ear and his family, his agent saying, hey, you're getting a raw deal. The Vikings are screwing you right now. You're so much better than this. Absolutely. And he believes it.

Absolutely. Shouldn't. Look at film. So he was thinking, hey, why get hurt for a team I'm not going to play for anyway? Get me out of here. All right. That's a problem right there. When your coach says get in there and you say no thanks, that's a problem.

Who you think you are, Cuck Cousins. You haven't won enough money yet, buddy. They should just trade him to the Raiders for Cousins, just straight up. It says here that troubled Vikings head coach Kelvin O'Connor was not pumped about McCarthy punking out on that ballgame. I bet not. I would take Cousins as our backup right now. Get him out of here. Well, sure.

I mean, that would price, though. He could go get reunited with Tom Brady out in Las Vegas. That would aggravate me to see cousins in town again, but whatever. I mean, the chain reaction that decision that was made to make him the starting quarterback and letting Sam Darnold go and letting Daniel Jones go has, likely set this franchise back. Yeah, 100%. A year or two.

Multiple years. That I agree with you, Randy. This whole chain reaction of decision making has just really hurt this team. And even in the small ways like what we're doing today, how we're talking about them and how we're talking about him. And it just feels like a distraction. And if we feel like that, I'm sure inside that building, it probably, feels like even more.

And that's just not good. That's not a winning formula for any organization, but certainly not for a Vikings organization that's trying to figure out how they get back to where they should be. 100%. And here's a listener by the name of Turkey Burger Jesus

who says, of course, JJ didn't want to play. There's no upside to play. Well, I disagree with that. 100%. You're in the league, bro. Yeah. Yeah. There's always that.

You've got to prove yourself to 30-some other teams. I mean, if you really want a job. But he doesn't think that way. Right. The only thing you're proven right now is that you're a diva. Right. He's right. Turkey Burger Jesus is right.

For J.J. McCarthy personally? No, there was no upside for him to play. But it goes back to, look, you're a player. The coach told you to get in there. Get your ass in there. But that has changed. The inmates run the asylum now. We all know that.

That changed a long time ago. I disagree, though, Nick. I disagree on what? I disagree on. that it doesn't help him to play. I think it does help him to play because if he wants to find... No, no, I'm thinking like J.J. McCarthy. He personally is thinking...

No, I disagree with that. I think he should... Well, maybe he's thinking he didn't want to play, but it's in his best interest to play. Right. We all know that. I'm saying in J.J. McCarthy's mind, he's thinking there's no upside for me to go out there. I am valuable.

I will find another team. I don't need to go out there in a practice game. I'm not speaking for myself. I'm speaking for him. I think that's what his mindset is like Dana just said. He's a diva. He doesn't think of himself. He doesn't think of himself as a backup quarterback.

He thinks of himself as a starter that's going to find another opportunity somewhere else. I can go with, I mean, this is me with 32 hours of psychology, but I'm saying psychosis. Is this a problem of psychosis? In his head. Yeah. Yeah, Randy. That's what I'm going with. I totally understand what you're saying.

I mean, I think it's only in his best interest to play because that's the only way, as Brad said, that's the only way you're ever going to be evaluated. You're not going to be evaluated by sitting on the bench. You're going to be evaluated by how you play. Right. A normal person would think that way. Yeah. Someone who has reason and someone who's humble.

I just can't wait to never hear that man's name again. I think we're all getting to that point. The Vikings upped and cut former Golden Grubes. go for quarterback Max Brosmer. So does that mean he'll play on the practice squad? Has he gone altogether? He has to clear waivers. He has to clear waivers today.

So we'll find out today. Yeah. If somebody else doesn't pick him up, I would assume he would come back on the practice squad. I mean, they were hoping to bring Xavier Scott back, and he got picked up by the Bears. So there's always a chance that some other team might sign Max, but we'll see today.

Some of our listeners are blaming Jim Harbaugh for McCarthy's attitude. They say A-Holes Spawn Divas. I'll go along with that. I'll jump on any negative bandwagon directed towards Jim Harbaugh. You just don't like khakis. Well, I just don't like Jim Harbaugh. You just don't like Jim Harbaugh and khakis. The khakis do kind of make them more annoying.

It really does. There could be something there. Maybe deep down I have something against khaki. And they're way up on his way. a little bit too high, but two inches too high up on his waist. I'm beating, I know I'm beating a dead horse, but I just don't understand, and I know

it was one person in the front office there, who was in charge of everything, and now he's gone, but that Michigan team was loaded, that won that national championship. I mean, he was not the reason, you know, the main reason why they won undefeated that year. Yeah, he played

okay, but he wasn't viewed by a lot of people as the next big thing, coming out of college. I also think, though, Brad, that there was some financial decisions made during that time period, too, because if they were going to keep Sam Darnold, they were going to have to pay him about $30 million a year. They swung and missed twice. They swung and missed on the financial decision, and they swung and missed on the draft because not only did they pick him, but as we all remember, they traded two picks to move up to get him instead of

drafting Bowenix. Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot that we traded up. We could have had We could have Beau Nix, but Sean Payton's laughing all the way to the bank because he slid down on the spot, got two draft picks and got Bo Nix. I love Sean Payton. I think once it came out that they had to rework his entire throwing mechanics from college, the writing was kind of on the wall there. The kid was never meant to be. He was totally unproven and injury prone.

Okay, so all this jaw jacking about the quarterback position, some Vikings fans are probably saying, hey, wait a minute, we got problems all over the place. the Vikings were named by the big lead.com. They were named one of the four NFL teams with the worst running back situations going into this year football season. Yes, that is a fact.

Worst running back situation. So the article goes on to say the projected starter or starters had running back, one feller by the name of Jordan Mason or Aaron Jones. They say Jones is a veteran that clearly has lost a step. Mason has been in the league for several seasons,

but doesn't appear to be a clear top option. No. The Vikings rushing attack could go through Kyler Murrah this season, which could be fun because, as I've mentioned before, watching Kyler Murrah run is one of my favorite things to do. Wouldn't that be something if their running game is solely placed on the shoulders of their quarterback? Or it could end up in the hands of a drafted rookie. The Claiborne kid, they're very high on him.

And because of the injury history of Aaron Jones and Jordan Mason to some extent, it could be a real revolving door at running back for the Vikings this year, depending on how things turn out. There's problems with the running game too. Yeah. I remember a listener once texted in and said that when Kyler Murrah He looks like a toddler that just snatched a cookie from the cookie jug. 100%.

He does, and it's hilarious, and he's so quick and he's so agile. It is fun to watch him run with the football. He also kind of looks like a kid who's running and running so fast you're just waiting for him to fall over because his feet are moving too fast for the rest of his body. I will say the Vikings' offensive line situation is in a much better place this year, at least to start the season. So that could help them run the ball a little bit better.

with the backs that they have. But you know how things go. As the season moves along and injuries pile up, who knows what that looks like. All right, this is going to be a hell of a shift, but I know we can all handle it. Stories that cause Covey to tear up. Ah, geez.

Oh, no. Not in front of C Willie. I'm sure this is one of them, and I doubt he'll be the only one. Get my notepad out. We like to talk about the stories that caused Cubby to tear up. And this is a hell of a story.

In Arizona, they played a high school football game the other night. It was the season opener for both schools. Peoria against Deer Valley. Deer Valley received the opening kickoff. By the way, is this video up on our website? It is. Check it out on 93X.com. Deer Valley received the opening kickoff to get the game underway.

Peoria refused. to tackle the return man. And that was all by design to honor the death of a Deer Valley player that happened just recently before the start of this season. And a lot of folks are calling this a powerful display of humanity and sportsmanship. They say it's a statement that some things are much bigger than high school football. So a kid from Deer Valley named Baxter, Floyd died in August.

He was set to begin his junior year this fall. So Peoria, the opposite host club, there is their home field. They painted a decal on the 33-yard line that was the number worn by this Floyd kid. Deer Valley received the opening kickoff. The defense backed off and the kick returner knelt on that number 33 decal on the field to start the game. And they went on from there. Really cool

story. Right. A lot of heart. A lot of heart behind everything that happened there. Wow. You can check the video out on our website. Good on the coaches to get together. Yep. Yeah.

Players to get together and do stuff like that. You're right. Stuff like that is bigger than the game. It's really bigger than the game. I've loved watching those videos where you get a kid who's like on the training staff. Yes. Well, first off, yes.

A child who is challenged. And he's like maybe a member of the training staff. What do you call it in high school? He's on the bench. Stat boy. Management. Thank you. Management, stat, kid, whatever.

And they put him into the game at the ass end of his high school career. They allow him, and the other team allows him to dribble the ball down court or handle the puck or run with the football. They let them give them that moment. I always thought those were really cool, too. This reminds me of that type of thing. Absolutely. Yeah, 100%.

How you doing, Josh? Yeah, that got me. Obviously, that is a beautiful moment. And like you said, that is cool when they let the kid just go out there and play at the end. And then they pick up the hospital bill afterwards. That's a nice touch as well after the opposing team flattens. Oh, no. Josh.

It's slightly better than the dad's fighting, like we can. talked about you. Yeah. Like the dad tackling the nine-year-old at the goal. How embarrassing. Well, you get a lot of good and bad at those youth sporting events, don't you? Sometimes that kid's got to learn. It's not fair. You never know what you're going to get. Oh, that was ridiculous. There could be a drunken dad in the stands exposing himself to the referee, or you could have a nice moment with a kid who, you know. Right. Everything. It's, you know, it's a run of the gamut. Hey, this is good. We're getting a lot of texts from people, saying Kyler Murray's going to have a standout year.

Oh, I don't have a doubt in my mind. I'm pretty hopeful. The team is going to be garbage, but I think that Kyler Murrah will have a standout year. Yeah, I agree with that. Although, have you seen some of the articles saying there's a little bit of an issue where he's having trouble seeing over the line?

That's his whole career. Pretty much. They've been saying that about him since he was in high school. That's why he runs like a little crumb snatcher. I've never heard that term. Crump snatch. Check and make sure the same people saying that aren't the same people that two years ago said said that we drafted a franchise quarterback.

100%. Consider the source, Brad Ryder says. Pull up the history. Right. But yeah, Kyler Murr has been getting kicked in the nuts with that you're not tall enough gimmick since he was 12. So, you know. Hey, law enforcement caught another dickless moron who's been scamming folks online pretending to be an NFL player. We had one of these last week.

Oh, it's kind of the same song and dance. This dude is a former Division II football player. And he fabricated a completely fake NFL career. He went online and said he played for the Cowboys. He played for the Stillers. He played for the Argonauts. He won a Super Bowl with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and he's still on their roster.

He goes by the name of Uris A.G. The Fifth or something. I have no idea. I should have just altered that and called him Donnie. Let's call him Donnie. Donnie has used several now deleted social media accounts to portray himself as an NFL player. He had a website going where folks could pay him $3,000 for an appearance. Oh, my God.

$600 to be their brand ambassador, $240 for a social media deal with him, whatever that means, all based on his fake back. story. Posted fake pictures, videos of him working out. Look at me. I'm Donnie. I play for the Tampa Bay Book. Well, at least once somebody fell for it. It's been going on for a long time. It says here in 20 and 23, some sucker company hired him to make an appearance and sign some footballs at a fundraiser. Right. Matter of fact, there were glowing reviews on his his appearance. Youth football coaches showed up with their team.

Here he is, kids. A real NFL player, Donnie. Give him $240. He'll sign your football. One youth football coach who got scammed said that Donnie was wonderful and thanked him for his words of wisdom to the young players. All these people just were completely scammed. Let me see.

Let me give you his real background. Okay. Says here, according to official records, Donnie played Division II football at Shorter University. Anyone ever? Oh, that sounds fake, too. Yeah, it does.

His whole background is fake. He played D2 football at Shorter University where he recorded no official stats. Received no NFL Combine invites and has never been mentioned in any NFL roster transaction. Hell, I could do that. My God. I could do all of that.

Wow. It's becoming quite a thing online. The hell is shorter university at. Yeah, I don't know. I'm going to look that up. Where the hell is shorter university? It's down the road from shortest university. Tawler University.

Georgia. Georgia. Georgia. Of course. Just south of the tallest university. It's becoming a thing now. My God, what a grift. Yes.

Well, he hung on to it for a couple of three years. That's nice. F, me running. It's just stayed up there to somebody clicked on it. Yeah. The guy was probably minding his own business also got a like and invite and said, Yeah, I can be there. Yeah.

I don't know how much money he pulled out from under folks in that amount of time. I'll head out right after practice. Here's another interesting young person. A guy who's currently on the Timberwolves roster, Trey Kaufman Wren. The wolves drafted him a couple months ago, Ata Perdue, 59th overall pick. I don't know what to expect from him now

because he's suing to try to go back to college. Oh, boy. Here we go. He has asked a court to force the NCAA to allow him to play a sixth season of college basketball. not ready for the real world, I guess. Well, I think he looked at his contract and realized he could make more money in college.

He thought he was going to get drafted higher and didn't. Didn't the Big Ten, though, vote that they're not going to allow those college players? I thought that was just football. Well, I got a feeling they're going to change it to be all sports, though. It says here in the article that a return to college

for this Kaufman-Renn kid is unlikely. But don't ask me. I have no idea what the rule is. are anymore when it comes to eligibility and all that. No clue. It is such a goat rodeo right now. It really is. It's just, it's crazy. The word is, this Kaufman Wren

had zero shot of making the Timberwolves final roster. He has not yet signed his NBA contract despite playing five summer league games in a wolf's uniform. So this is just as complex and ridiculous as it gets.

Now, how does that work? I have no friggin idea. How does that work? You play summer league games, but you don't sign the contract? Right. You get money for playing summer league games, but you're not officially on a roster. Exactly. So as long as you don't sign a professional contract.

Oh, Christ, can I sue to go back to high school? I want to go back to high school. I don't think you need to sue. Just go back. You got college eligibility left. I don't care about college. I don't care about college. I don't know.

Well, you graduated high school, so you can't go back. I can't go back? Barely. I mean. He was probably hopeful. helping at minimum to land at one of those two-way contracts after Summer League. Right. You get this if you make the NBA roster and you get this if you end up playing in Iowa

and they probably didn't even offer him a two-way. And he's probably like, okay, well, I'm screw it. I'm going back to college. Right. See, now, I don't know how the young people operate anymore, but if I were him, I'd be embarrassed by this. Oh, yeah. That's right.

Even him, it's his agent. Yeah. Well, but he's the boss. He can tell his agent yes or no on this subject. Right. What do you mean? No. He can't say no to his agent?

That's the guy that's in your ear telling you an amount of money you can make. That's the guy you listen to. Well, yeah. I can understand that part of it. I mean, ultimately is his decision. But you wouldn't be embarrassed by this? Hell yeah. Yeah.

First of all, here's my theory. If you come out of college and go to the draft, there's no way back. That's correct. Don't come out if you don't think. You know, sue for your sixth year while you were in college. Don't go to the pros and realize you can't make it and then try to go back to college and make more money. That's my deal with this. Now, other than that, that's the only problem I have with it.

Other than that, I'm okay with a kid transferring every single year. I don't care. You're cool with that. But once you come out, you're out. You're out. Period. To me, this is also a symptom of just where we are in society with people not wanting to, always having the easy way out kind of a thing.

I mean, I think we see that a lot with young people who, don't look at work the same way that we did when we grew up, you know, putting in the time and the, that kind of thing. The expectations are different. They feel like the expectations are different for work. And this may be one of those things where this guy just doesn't want to actually start the real world, you know. He sees this as an easy way to make money until he absolutely can't do it anymore. I wouldn't want to admit that. I want to go back to school.

Right. This isn't fair. I'm not going to make the team. That's exactly what it sounds like. Is everybody out of their frigging minds? Yeah, pretty much. That is where we are. Ronan engineer, Jesus, texted the program and he said,

if I had college eligibility, who would I play for? Oh, that's easy. I'm a University of Minnesota guy. I'd go play for the Golden Gophers. Mm. In my first game in Wisconsin, I'm crawling. into the stands and creating the biggest brawl in the history of college

athlete. I thought you were going to say you'd give everybody the finger. I'm worse than that, Brad Ryder. I'm crawling into the stands with my skate blades on, with my skates on. Before the puck drops. Before the puck dropped. And I'm creating the most violent brawl in the history of college hockey. I love it.

Mike Milbury and all those guys that went into the stands for the Boston Bruins 50 years ago in New York City, it would pale in comparison to the bill. People will die. First little kid with a Bucky Badger hat. I'm knocking his popcorn right out of his hand. Who wants some? Friggin' Wiscoe. Josh is right behind me.

Well, he's not wearing hockey gear. He doesn't know how to put it on. I'd have a lot of questions. Josh should be right behind me. This guy's breezers on backwards. Picking up the kids' popcorn. Sorry, kid. He didn't mean.

Slide if she'll buy him money to go get more popcorn. The Pigs on Amazon Prime. That's the rumor. The club still doesn't have a television home for this year upcoming hockey. I'm fine with that. I got Prime. Everybody's okay with that? I'm cool.

Well, I've got Prime too, but I just think this is a bad deal, man. Yeah, it's insane. I wonder, and I'll ask Brad this. I wonder how will these teams that are no longer getting paid by cable outfits, millions of dollars, how can they sustain themselves if that model doesn't work? I'm trying to figure out how they're going to make money, how the while they're going to make any TV money if they go to Amazon Prime, because Amazon's going to keep all of that money. It's not like Amazon, it's not like they have any leverage against Amazon to make money off of that.

Maybe there's some type of deal where they do. I imagine, you know, it'll draw some more people. to pay for Amazon Prime. I'll admit it. I don't understand a word of any of this, but it says here they still don't have a television home, but that might change soon, and the rumor is it's going to be Amazon Prime Skis. So think about this, Nick. All these local teams, they depend on local television broadcast revenue to support their clubs and their salaries. And the problem is if that's not doing well, and I don't know how the twins have done in their venture. I think Major League Baseball is a big part of it, so that probably helps. But the wolves

are on some sort of a streaming platform, the wild, who knows where they end up. I just don't know how they can generate income for their teams if that's not doing well. If I were a local reporter, that would be the first question I would ask is what kind of financial implication is this causing? Because it's September 1st. too. Think about this. It's September 1st and they don't have a TV home. They have no leverage against, to my point, against Amazon. I mean, they can't be making much money off of that at all. All right. Well, that's the situation. That's the rumor. Right.

What do you watch on Amazon Prime? What do you guys like to watch on that channel? Reacher. Reacher? Everything. Ashley likes everything. I like Reefeld. I use it to watch a lot of stuff. You watch the National Football League on Amazon Prime? No. No? No. I refuse to watch football on any streaming service.

I hate to see Willie, but you better get with it. No, brother, then I'll stop watching it. This is where it's all going. I just think it's horrible. I don't disagree, but I'm telling you. This is where it's all going. Yeah, I believe you. And I'll be done watching it.

I'll be just out on the golf course, man, between Minnesota and Arizona. I don't care enough about it to use my, I bought my streaming service for movies. But see, Brad, this is the reason why I asked the question. Exactly. See, Willie is typical of what's out there right now. 100% where the viewer is saying, I don't want to do that. No. I get it.

This is a very minor complaint about the streaming services and the grand scheme of things, but the thing I hate, so say a dial-up Amazon Prime to come and want to watch the wild. I like to flip around, you know? I like to see, like, oh, hey, lethal weapon three is on TBS right now. There are commercials. I'll go check that out. You can't do that anymore on the streaming services. That's what people don't understand.

You've got to turn it off and start all over again. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, I've had that problem. I kind of do that, too. When do you? I actually do, if I need time, if, like, they're running commercials, I'll just exit and click something else on Prime Video and watch that for a little bit.

And then be like, oh, I'm sure the game's back on. Go back to the game. Exactly. By the way, I don't know what channel I was watching or what service or whatever the terminology is. Did you guys see the documentary about that cop who was banging everyone in town? No, I haven't watched that.

Yes. Is that about the female, right? He's got the big nose and the mustache. Oh, different. Yeah. Not what I'm talking about. He's banging everybody in town. Watch the documentary about the cop who bangs everybody in town. Documentary. I'm going to Google just that. Yeah. It'll come up.

It will come up. He's banging. and everybody in town. Everybody. Check that one out. I don't know what channel it was on. My wife and I watched it a few nights ago. Everybody boned them. Josh, I wouldn't Google that at work. We've Googled far worse here.

Lionel Messi has announced his retirement from something called the Argentina National Soccer Club. Where can we go with that, Randy Shaver? Your thoughts on that? Ask Dana. That's more a Dana question. No real surprise there. that he's moving on to a new sport, the slippery stairs.

Oh, I bet he'd be good at that. That is fun to watch. He's got that low center of gravity. Yeah, I bet he'd be great at the slippery stairs. There you go. After that big loss, I think he couldn't take it no more. Did he lose recently? He lost in the World Cup final in France.

I was there. And there was talk of him even retiring from international play four years ago. I was there. He had a scarf on, all that stuff. Yeah, I had my Voo-V-Zala. Josh, you find the name of that documentary of the cop that banged everybody in town? No. I mean, you were so descriptive. I can't think of it either. I couldn't find it.

I'm going to find that out for you because really honestly it was. Is it old or new? It was freaking amazing. Do you know? Oh, new, I think. I don't know. You know, I watched, my name is Earl also in the same evening. Maybe you're confusing the two. Can I tell C. Willie Miles and Randy Schaver and Brad Ryder? I don't. I don't think I shared it with them. Yeah, I found, you guys told me to turn on something called Hulu, and I did, and I was able to find one of my favorite sitcoms.

My name is Uro. And again, Joy, the character Joy, played by Jamie Presley, who this is the second time we brought her up this morning. Josh, you said recently she got drunk and got in trouble? She got kicked out of a hotel in the last couple of days. So anyway, if you don't know Joy, the character, she's just sexy as all get out and funny. So Earl comes home to the trailer and Joy is sitting there and Earl has two like fifth row tickets to the Metallica concert. He says, me and you are going to Metallica and he hands the tickets to Joy. And she says, fifth row tickets to Metallica, I'm going to take my panties off and sit on your shoulders.

and Earl says, well, that might upset the people sitting behind me. And Joy looks around the room and says, there's nobody sitting behind you. Ah. I don't care so much. Oh, God. That frigging program. All right. I guess that's the end of Josh loves this bit when I give a review.

of a program that's 27 years old. We got to go, Randy Schaber, Bradrider. You bet. Okay. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition.

I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930.

Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialki's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries. Even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bialki Law today. or go to bionkelaw.com. That's bia-l-l-k-E-Law.com. You want Dave on your side. F-S morning show, 93-X. All right, everybody, what are we up to now? 8-30, right on the balls.

You dirty bastards. Thanks for being part of our morning here on the 93X-F-S morning show. We're lucky enough to have C-Willi Miles in studio, and we're having the time of our lives, aren't we C-Willy? 100% The time of our lives If you ain't having a good time It's your own fault Do better Here's that

Here's that documentary I was talking about I was trying to come up with a documentary At the ass end of our conversation There with Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder Thanks to our listing audience As usual for helping me out The documentary out there On television summers

I wish I could tell you what channel I found it on But I don't remember People are saying it's Hulu Oh I'll go along with it. Oulu The documentary is about a cop That is effing everyone in town twice And again, thanks to our listeners, it's called betrayal

Dirty Secrets It's the story of a cop in Colorado called Joel Kern Big Jay And this dude, see William Miles watched it, he knows what I'm talking about This dude was slinging it for years his wife didn't know, his kids didn't know. I mean, it's truly awful. This dude is not a good person.

But he had everybody fooled. He put on this image as the nicest effing guy in town. He was like the top cop in town. And all the while, he is dropping his rod into everything that moved. And he gets caught and he promises he'll change. And then he drops it into another dozen people or so. And he lies and he lies and he lies. It is really one of the most unhinged stories and one of the most unhinged some bitches I've ever seen on television.

There are some people out there. Yeah, I was reading an article on ABC's website. You know, they're affiliated with, I don't know if ABC owns Hulu. And, yeah, some of the stuff this guy did, like just ignoring some terrible things going on with his family so he could bang ladies is crazy. Dude. He was the original swinging D. Sounds that way. Am I right, C. William Miles?

He doesn't look the part. He's like this big oafish guy with a big horn and a stupid mustache, but for whatever reason. He looks kind of like a doofus. Yeah. Something about him, though. I suppose some of them were prostitutes. But anyway, there are some people out there by God that are truly beyond repair.

And they're able to hide it so well. That's the frightening part. That is. That's the scary part. You live with a person and you don't even know him. Can you think off the top of your head, shady as some bitch you've ever known in your lifetime? Just lies, phony, scam, shadyest sum bitch you've ever known in your lifetime.

100% I do. Anybody want to start with a story? This is just a part of what she did, but whenever anything went wrong, anybody was like, angry at her or life wasn't going the way she wanted. She would tell everybody that her grandma or grandpa

died or her dad died and they never died. They're all still living. And this would happen like multiple times. She would do this to get out of work, to get out of responsibilities. Yeah, to get out of like a fight. Don't be mad at me. My dad died. Oh. What are you talking about?

That's so messed up and like getting older now. I mean you can only play that card so many times, right? Yeah. There's a limit to that. What is that a, that type of liar. There's a word for it. A pathological liar.

6-5-1-9-9-93. If you want to tell us a little bit about the shadiest sum bitch you've ever known. And then the rest are my brothers. Isn't it funny how family members usually fall into play? That's who came to mind for me. That should have been my first idea. I had a friend like that.

He was just, he was horrid. He just lied about everything. It was always about, but it was always about how he needed money and what had happened to his money and made you want to help him. But then you knew he was just lying. Like, I got this deal going through. This is what's going to happen. And I just need this. He's like, it was the original letter that you got the email, you know, about I got $50,000 coming.

But you me $10,000. I'll give you $15,000 when I get my $10. It was one of those And it was just like Too many numbers for me And I got to the point where I realized he was lying Well I knew red at the beginning And I did it anyway

Just to get him off my back And see what he would do Never got my money back Always and the next time I saw him He was still running the same scam I mean 15 years man Come on But he kept finding new suckers

And then when he found the new suckers They were friends of mine And then all of a sudden I rolled up and he sees me and he goes, uh-oh. Uh-huh. So have you shut him out of your life now? 100%. Yeah.

Blocked. And you said you wanted to help him. Yeah. Were you shocked by his behavior or did you know, like, he's probably pulling one over on me? I knew he was kind of pulling one over on me, but I figured if I did it once, he would just move a move of a, no. He kept coming with excuses why he couldn't pay me back. And it was the same excuse of why I gave him the money the first time. And it's like, well, what do you do with the money I gave you?

And I was like, you know what, I'm not going to, I'm not doing it again. And I'm not going to let you do this to my friends. And then now he doesn't come around them anymore either. Yeah. Shady. I'm that guy though, man. I can cut people out of my life real fast. Well, be gentle when the time comes for us.

Please. I don't think that you guys will ever do anything like that to me. I mean, I'm probably forgetting some. dark, dark characters that I've known over the years. You were kind of mentioning something before the show, we were having a conversation about a buddy of yours who might take advantage of people if he thinks he can. We can't trust him 100%.

We can't trust him 100%. A little shady. Might be a little bit of a dark core there on the inside. You know, and Josh and I have talked about some of the kids we grew up with that turned out to be dangerous criminals. that's a different subject in my opinion. I'm more talking about just the shady liar, scammers, sleazy. Did someone come to mind for you, Josh?

Like I said, go ahead, because I'm trying to think, I know there's some darker characters that I'm forgetting about. I have one story in mind, but you go right ahead. There's a couple I'd love to share, and I'm sorry, but I'm a little nervous to share. Those are the ones that came to mine first, but I think I talked to you guys about this not too long ago. the first vehicle I ever bought, you know, I was stretched in. And I really probably shouldn't have bought a new vehicle, but I needed something.

And I thought I was getting a relatively good deal. And when I got the first bill, I realized my buddy, who I grew up with, you know, I went to him to buy the car. He threw in all this extra stuff I never agreed to. And my car payment was almost double what we agreed on. Now, luckily, I was able to go back and talk to him and the manager, like, what's going on? and the manager explained, yeah, you know, he screwed you over on this whole deal. So that was pretty, speaking of a trade, I felt pretty betrayed. Wow.

This kid I grew up with. My God. And he tried to explain it away like, hey, man, I'm having trouble selling vehicles. I had to do what I could. No, dude, screw you. And I'm like, I told you from the get-go, this was it for me. This amount, you quoted me, I can't do anything more than that. Sucker.

Yeah, a guy that I grew up with. He's like, oh, he'll pay it. Yeah, he's not going to say anything. One of our listeners has texted in. You know, we were joking around about family, but one of our listeners has texted in to say his mother-in-law is the shadiest character he's ever crossed paths with. She stole my identity. We had to end our relationship with her.

Oh, no. Yeah, that's an easy choice. Another one says, my dad is the shadiest. And there's a long story connected here, but he basically says, since I was a kid. My dad's been nothing but shady. Here's a listener who says, what about your buddy who stole your skates?

That's on a much lower level, but lesser. That was Pistol Pete from across the street, who I'd tell a lot of stories. I'd tell a lot of Pistol Pete stories on this radio show. That's low-level stuff, but I'll tell you the story anyway.

My junior year of high school, I decided to forego hockey, Josh, to focus on the band. Hey, nothing wrong with that. To focus on our garbage high school rock band. Now, we did land a regular gig, and we thought that was pretty cool for 17-year-old kids. So, yes, I wanted to focus on the band, instead of playing hockey.

Pistol Pete continued to play hockey in our junior year, and he said, would you mind if I used your skates this season? For you hockey people, I had this beautiful pair of S-Ks to blue and white SKs that were very popular in the 80s. These were top-notch. And I said, yeah, Pete, you can use my friggin skates for this hockey season. Well, by my senior year, I wanted to play hockey again. I called Pistol Pete and I say, yeah, I need my skates back.

I'm going to play hockey this year. He says, yeah, I sold them for beer money. Funny. They weren't working for me. At least he was honest with you right off the bat, you know? That's good. I like that. Pistol Pete was shady.

But he would fess up if you pinched him hard enough. From across the street is where he came from, Cubby. But the other guy that comes to mind, again, and I know I'm forgetting probably some real characters. I've always been fascinated, and I hope folks enjoy the story because I've told it before, my high school buddy who lied to his parents for four solid years about his scholastic career. He went up north to go to college, and his parents every month sent him his rent money, his tuition money, and he never went to class, not once. Oh, I love telling people that story. He just sat in his apartment with that money that his parents sent him and partied and carried on for four years.

And they threw a party. Now it comes time to graduate. Of course, he's telling lies all the way when his parents would say, how's school going? Oh, school's going well. I'm taking this class in that place. He would just mimic what his friends were taking for classes. His parents didn't know any better. But he never had the balls to say word one.

Now they're planning a graduation party for him. They're calling him on the phone saying, well, June 15th, we're going to have congratulations, by the way, that you're graduating college. We're very proud of you, son. Oh, well, thanks, mom and dad. We're having a grad party. This and the...

He had a month of leeway to finally say, look, I've been robbing you people this entire time. I've never gone to one class. He waits until the night before. Relatives have already flown to Minnesota from other parts of the... You got to stick with it at that point. There's no going to back. The night before, he calls his folks in tears and says,

I've never gone to school once. You've got to stay strong. Why would you fold up that point, man? Get you a cap and gown and show up? Yeah, honestly. At that point, you're screwed. You've done so much damage. I think the guilt got to him as black a heart as he has deep down inside.

There was a little bit of goodness there to where the guilt overwhelmed him. Now, I won't even tell you the whole, just so you know, he did this twice. That's unbelievable. I forget about that part. The second time, he didn't take it all the way to graduation. But, you know, when it all blew up, he said, mom and dad, I'm sorry. I promised that I'll dedicate myself to school. if you give me a second chance.

They did. He did it twice. Only it was a shorter period of time before he admitted, yeah, I've done the whole stealing your money thing all over again. Oh, my God. He disappeared a few years ago. None of us have seen him in years. Parents probably killed him.

Check the freezer. I was going to ask what the relationship was like after that. Did they maintain contact? From what I understand, yes. Mom probably did. And we maintained a relationship with this guy, too. Our friend group, he was part of our friend group for quite a while. And then he upped and left.

No one's heard from him in decades now. Did you guys know he wasn't going to school? I didn't. Others did. And they didn't tell the parents. I mean, we were 21, two years old, you know, running wild. Yeah. You know, you didn't want to bust your buddy.

You didn't want to. I wonder how many of them actually even knew he was pulling that scam. Yeah. I mean, I would just assume, you know, the parents knew what was going on. There were a couple guys who knew his, routine. I was unaware. I was unaware. That is diabolical. You do that to your mom and dad. Absolutely.

For four years? Absolutely. I mean, four checks. Yeah, four years. I would kill somebody. I mean, again, and after this giant lie, he ended up being roommates with one of my other friends. And my other friend woke up one morning and got dressed and he's looking around the house. He's like, hey, Donnie, I was, I got to be at the golf course

In a half hour I got a tea time Have you seen my golf clubs And the college liar guy said Yeah I've seen him I sold him My God Was he a drug user

As far as I know No Because that sounds a lot like That type of personality It sounds like something a junkie would do Yeah No he was Before all that money

He could at least went to Juco Or something He kind of probably started a business Right I was just going to ask Did he surprise anyone I know you haven't seen him in a couple years, but did he surprise anyone and become successful and turn his life around?

Or did he continue to run scams? You know, good question. Other than that golf club story, I don't remember hearing any other stories of great dishonesty on this guy's part. So he must have, he limited his shady behavior as far as I know as we got a little older. That's good. I was telling Nick, I ran into a guy we used to know, and he was. was completely changed. I wouldn't have guessed he'd end up where he's at now.

He's like a normal person. He's doing things right. But had somebody said, hey, where do you think so-and-so is at this point? I would not have predicted that. I was very pleased. That's great. Yeah, so people can obviously change for the better.

Great to know that that can happen. Yeah, we're wrapping things up, but we had a subject out there for the brother and sisterhood to tangle with. We asked him to text us if they wanted to talk about the shadiest character they've ever known. A few texts have come in, and Josh, you'll be happy to know that at least a couple of them have a happy ending. I do like that. Some of these have been really unfortunate, to say the least.

A little dark. We'll start with a bad one. Listener says, I went to high school with a kid who faked cancer. Terrible, terrible, terrible human being. Awful. That's some bad wiring right there's no redemption for that. None. Went to the appointments, claimed he would.

getting the treatments the whole shtick. My God. How about the stories we've heard where parents have done that? And the friggin' kid thinks they've got cancer. Dude. You know, I mean, how awful of a person. I mean, you just throw away the key, right? Worse than an animal.

Worse than an animal. That's absolutely disgusting. You throw away the key. You bury them under the jail. Kick them in their teeth. I thought of one, and I can't say it's the shadiest person I know because I don't know him. But a friend of mine's brother-in-law, he, for a year, went to a week. work at a job he didn't have, meaning never told his family he got fired.

Oh, yeah. He'd put, I mean, everything. He would put on his suit, grab his suit or briefcase, and he would go sleep in like a Home Depot parking lot or go to movies. My God. His wife found out when the sheriff showed up at the door and said, hey, you know, your house is foreclosed on. You guys got to vacate the property here.

So sad. That's how she found out because he would also, you know, he'd be the first guy to check the mail, so nobody saw Andy. Did he just think it? was going to go away? I don't know. My buddy's like, he's one of the dumbest people I've ever met. So, yeah, he apparently thought he could get away with it.

Just ride it out. Didn't realize, you know, after a while, if you don't pay your bills, they're going to come take stuff from you. Every day for a year, he left for a job, but he didn't have. Every single day. What did he do during those days? What did he do? Go to the gym, the drink.

Yeah, like I said, he would sleep in his pickup in a parking lot. Oh, I'm sorry. Go to movies, you know. Sorry, I missed that part. I got that the mall. Yeah, just nothing. On a smaller scale. I know a guy who every once in a while, yeah, he would leave for work but not go to work.

Just because he needed a day to just sit in the bar and drink by himself. Got a wife and a kid. Yeah. I mean, just every once in a while he would do this. But I hope this paints a funny picture for you because when he told me the story, it cracked me up. So what he would do was go drink all day. His wife had her own job, you know. A kid would go to daycare.

He'd go drink all day. and then his routine was he'd come back to the house and he'd put on his work clothes, right? He had a manual labor job, so he had a dirty hooded sweatshirt and a pair of pants. One day he's sitting there. He'd been drinking all day, and he realized, okay, my wife is on her way home. I know she's going to be here any minute. Oh, I haven't put on my work clothes, right? So he races into the bedroom, puts on his work clothes, and then he realizes, oh, Christ, I washed my work clothes last night.

It's not going to be believable if she comes home from work. I claimed that I went to work, and I'm not covered in dirt. He had a manual libid. So, picture this. He ran down to his garage, and he rolled around on the garage for a while. Sell it, baby. That's what we call commitment. So when she walked in, he would look filthy like he normally did.

That's hilarious. It wouldn't be obvious that he was at the bar all day watching Sports Center. I think if it were me, I'd want to, like, commit to the bit where I'd make up some work drama. Like, oh, yeah. Honey, you're not going to believe what happened with. Lenny today. I had this big argument with Lenny in the break room. I passed over for that promotion again. Frigan

Lenny got the promotion. You're a creative guy. You received creative writing awards. I bet you could spin a good lie in that. Yeah, I'd want to make it. You don't want to take it too far, though. Too many details. Some more text from our listeners. Keep it believable. A few more texts from our listeners

on the shadiest character they've ever met. Well, here's a guy. Happy endings. I mentioned a couple of these had happy endings. He said, I'm man enough to admit that I used to be a pathological liar. I would lie about everything just to see if I could get away with it. He says, thank God I grew out of it. Like you were saying about a character a few minutes ago, Josh,

a guy who did turn himself around after a completely different person. Wow. Meth has, meth rocks have led people down the wrong path. Yeah, it changes who you are. One of our listeners here says his younger brother got into the meth rocks and would use my name every time he got in trouble. Wow. I had to go to court to prove that I wasn't him.

But he's now currently a successful business owner. He got over it. It's good. Wow. I mean, I suppose partying's different, but there's people that were extreme partiers to the point where you thought they're going to just crash out and probably wake up dead at some point. but then have changed become very successful. Can you give me an example?

One became an incredible... No, I said successful. You missed the ending of the story. You got to hear the details. I said successful. Where they turned their lives around. Number one and number two became very... I jumped to gun. My bad.

Right. One became a very successful attorney. I mean, completely changed their life. Absolutely. Absolutely. This is really bad. One of our listeners has an uncle. And that uncle's name is smoke and toke Jack.

Smok and toke. You know what shady smoke and tote Jack did? What do you do? Stole all the leftovers at the end of my wedding reception. We had that happen. What? That happened at my wedding. Oh, who stole?

A guy that wasn't invited, a former coworker wasn't even invited. Not out of spite. He just, I didn't know him super well. He showed up and stole all the desserts. And then I think he went to the strip club with you guys afterwards. He stole all of the desserts? All of them. Everything that was left.

That's an insane thing to do. What are you doing? I think I know who you're talking about. I didn't know he stole all of them. That was fine. It saved some work, you know. That's weird. You weren't even invited.

Oh, this short little guy? Yeah. Yeah, he was shady from the get-go. This is cute. I like the way this listener comes off in his text message. He says, I got a shady buddy, but I don't want to tell the story. Because then he would know. That I know.

Well, he knows now. I think he knows. And finally, yeah, this brings up something from my personal life. A listener says, my friends, he thinks there's something shady going on. He says, I know what they do for work. But the way they spend money makes me think there's something shady going on. Let me guess. Is it pull tabs?

is it video poker, is it gambling? Because I know what my friends do for a living as well. And the way they spend money on pull tabs and the little video game gambling. Your friends are insane about that stuff. They must be rich millionaires. And I'm unaware. I can't believe how fast and furious they blow through money on gambling on a nightly basis. I wonder that sometimes.

So what are you some bitches doing when I'm not looking? I swear to God, there's. There's got to be something going on there. I guess I never think like anything nefarious, but I have wondered like, man, what are they doing right that I'm doing wrong where they can afford all that stuff? Some people just don't budget. Some people don't care about having a savings, about having a retirement, stuff like that. I think that's what it is. You guys have seen my guy friends.

I'm ruling out jigilos. Yeah, I'd rule that out too. But the way they... They don't seem like they could sell drugs. No one's going to buy drugs from them. The way they blow through $100, Josh, with all that gambling at the bar. I don't get it. Do they hit quite often where you just don't see?

I don't hear many. I don't hear too many hayes at the bar as much as I hear them go. Oh, another 20? Another 20. I don't get it. What do you guys do? Let's do one more. Today's the first of the month.

It's time to pay some bills. What are these guys doing? Like I said, there at play times I wonder, like, what am I doing wrong? How is that happening? And I feel funny when I walk out of there with a $100 bar tab. You know what I mean? I feel funny about it. I'm with you on that.

When I say my friends take like a trip to Disney World with their three or four kids, I'm like, did you guys rob a bank ahead of time? Like, how the hell? That's expensive. Yeah, vacations, that's a big one. I tick that too. But you're right. Here's Tire Daddy Jesus, who says some people just have a big pile of debt and they don't care.

Yes, I've known a few of those people. But that was when we were young, when you didn't care about debt. Oh, yeah, I went through that. I never want to do that again. I know how miserable I'm feeling that is. You were reckless and young and very reckless. You had your own money for the first time. We all, I think, go through that spell.

I got a job and I got my own place. It's my money to spend. You go a little buck wild. These guys are in their 50s. Yeah, that stuff freaks me out now, but I got myself in a situation where I thought, well, I'm never recovering from this. At 19 years old, I've ruined my life. Yeah, I feel that. I call my brother-in-law to friggin'

Chrysler plant to get a job. Sorry, you're probably the same as me, Nick, where it's like, you know, you grew up a certain way, and you thought, everything I didn't get, I'm going to get now. And it's stuff for, like, name brand foods. Oh, yeah. I mean, see, Willie, you too. You grew up in a similar fashion.

Sure. A lot more people. Right. But kind of the same thing. We're like, cable television. Like, as soon as I moved out, I'm getting cable TV, that kind of stuff. I grew up wearing tough skin jeans, cubby.

I wanted Jordash. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you. Thanks, C. Willie Miles. Hey, I want to thank the good people out at Hastings for coming out last Tuesday to my awesome show. Appreciate you very much, and I'm at Krooners on Saturday. Good for you, man. Five seats left, so if you want one, you better call it.

Get in quick. Yeah. Congratulations to proud mom and dad, 715 Wild Man, Mild Man, Jesus. and the better half. They welcomed a new member of the sisterhood, albeit five weeks early, but doing great, Ashley. Green Bay Attorney Jesus reached out on the Luther Kia, Bloomington text line with a birthday.

Shoutout to his eldest daughter, is kamikaze, his rider die, going to turn a blonde man gray, Aisland turning the big 07 today. I love that. And happy birthday to state fair bathroom floor, Jesus. Oh, man. Ashley.

It's not his birthday. His birthday's in March, I think. I can't remember. Oh, you really know him? Huh? You really know him? Oh, no, he said he was on the state fair bathroom. Yeah, with you.

Oh, with you. Yeah, that's what I thought. Gotcha. 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me.

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