93X Half-Assed Morning Show - It Is...ALIVE

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

Originally Aired July 6, 2026: New booze laws? Own a piece of Vikings history, but it might be covered in seaman. Everything you've ever wanted to know about Benadryl cocktails served to you by a stranger in a parking lot.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93x.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Morning Show. Ninety. Three. Who's is back again, so let's party in small bits. Wear your funny t-shirt, but keep it on. Don't show yourself. We used to lose our dignity somewhere down by the docks.

Wake up hugging strangers and seeing some guys cross. But this time things are different, and we've got just one rule. Let's be adults about this. Don't be a drunk. No cannon balls are you'll get straightened out by name. Let's be adults about this. I'll tell you what, I like that song. I like that friggin' song.

Well, we didn't mean to stay away as long as we did. We didn't intend to be gone so long. Sorry to keep you waiting, but sometimes things go sideways. and then they go sideways again, and there ain't Dick Ola than anyone can do about it. We welcome you to the return of the 93X Half Fast Morning Show. We promise we're going to try like hell to stay on the air for a while. And we're still not altogether there just yet.

Smashley. She's been missing for a while. We're hoping to see her maybe as early as tomorrow. Like I said, things can go sideways, and they did, and then they did again. I'm sure a lot of you can relate. But we're going to make a push for this now, Josh. That's the plan. We're going to try step one, make it through today.

And then you do the next. Maybe we put in a full week. But wait a minute, what was that? Did something go sideways? No, I don't think so. I thought I heard something. That was your paper. Okay.

And we're back just in time for Booz Cruise Week. our sold out post-independence Day booze cruise comes up this Friday. Again, I really dig that tune, Josh. It sounded like every pop country song

ever made all rolled into one. I can confirm that my youngest, he's just recently gotten into country music. That's obnoxious. And he was playing me a bunch of it over the weekend. You know, a lot of the patriotic stuff. You know, he's like, hey, listen to this,

listen to this. There was a couple that were, so patriotic. I thought it was a bit. You maybe thought it was the guys from South Park? Yeah, I thought it was like they're, okay, it's like, yeah, an America F, yeah, that kind of thing. But no, he's got a whole new playlist of country

music songs. Have you made a move into the shed yet? That sounds terrible, like Nick said. Well, I was listening to like hardcore rap for a long time, so it's an improvement. Okay. So, yeah, so he's swinging the pendulum both ways. Oh, yeah. Big time.

He probably met some gal who thinks that I don't know name me a modern country singer Luke Brian I think was one of them he probably met a gal that likes Luke Brian so now he's going to go that route for a while and can I respond

with a mathematical answer to what you just said 100% Oh really? Yeah God I'm good He's got a bit of a new friend group and there's a girl in there that's a big country music fans and now he is of course sure

So we're back just in time for Booz Cruise Week this Friday out there on the St. Croix with the Attitude Shirt Showdown as a bonus. Thanks, everyone, again, for selling that pig out, and we'll see you there. Remember, let's be adults about this. Don't embarrass us. Booze, Cruz, 20, and 26. Oh, and speaking to T-shirts, because we're going to have the Attitude Shirt Showdown. everyone who's bought a ticket and who's planning on coming on Friday

wear your favorite attitude t-shirt. We might have some kind of a contest. I don't know, the winner gets a kick in the ass, something. Speaking of t-shirts, that sounded interesting to you, a kick-in-the-ass. If you're a-going Friday, there might even be special commemorative t-shirts up for sale at the, uh, on the boat, on the...

the dock on the thing. We're going to make some extra beer money, I think, on the side Friday, Josh. Well, I know the station could use it. We could use a few bucks. There might even be some commemorative t-shirts per sale Friday. For the crowd who's

I'm glad we're doing that. That'll be fun. That'll be fun to have that because those booze cruises are so much fun. We want to have a little less fun than years in the past. Way less. Yeah, let's be adults about this. Less noise. Yeah, let's be adults. Less noise. Less less of everything.

And more and more people have told me like, hey, you know what, thank you. I've avoided it in the past because you guys have talked about how crazy it. And it used to be nuts. And luckily, people are becoming adults about this. Let's just grow up a little bit for crazy. Do you guys have your attitude shirts? Everybody have a plan? Well, you purchased me one.

Are you going to wear that one or I didn't know if you had another plan? Yeah, I mean, I didn't have a plan. I had other options would be the good word. Well, now I don't know where the t-shirt went that you brought for me today. Just put it in your backpack? I don't know. And I can't get up. Dana, I bought you one for your birthday.

I don't know if you want to wear it. I know you got into grilling recently. Is this it right here? Yeah, that's it. All right, let me take a look at this bad boy. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Dana.

Yes. Happy birthday. Oh, thank you. We missed it. It was a few days ago, right? Last Tuesday, maybe. Happy birthday. What's happening?

Well, Dana recently, I talked to his wife. I was looking for something different. I texted her a few times. He did. Photos, like usual? I texted her. And so she told me that he's recently got into grilling, so I thought, well, I could combine our booze crew's idea for the attitude shirts or the goofy shirts with his love of grilling.

This is lovely. It says, I love big racks because I do, but it's also a rack of ribs. I love both types of big racks. Dude. It's food motivated as well. Actually, I got two things. That's a lot of attitude right there. I know.

Right there. You better want you. Check yourself. There's almost too much attitude with coming from one t-shirt. I have a, my shirt has a hot dog on it, and it says it's not the 4th of July until my weener comes out. And then I bought a hat, which is, I might not wear it because it's really stupid. I mean, it just looks stupid. It says it's got a firecracker on it.

And it says, I'm here to bang. Well, you better let us. Let Dana and I and Ashley again. We're hoping to see Ashley later this week. Let the three of us get a look at you in that hat before you go out in public with it. Especially you are going to tell me how stupid it is. I mean, it's like a red, white, blue hat. Hats can make or break a player immediately.

You know that, right? Oh, yeah. A bad hat can ruin not only your night, but everyone else's night. And it's kind of like a foam material. Oh, sure. Have you seen, I'd never seen that before? Oh, yeah. Oh, you thought that that was a thing in the 70s.

It was all about foam. Yeah, I'd never seen it. And I'm going to tell you right now, if you're going to wear that hat, it better not be false advertising. You better be there ready to bang. I'm ready to bang. Okay, you better be. You never saw the big foam.

Anyway, this is truly bizarre. Josh, I had it in my hand. Josh bought me an attitude t-shirt. Not more than 40 minutes ago I had it in my hand. and now there's absolutely no sign of it anywhere in the studio. Except for under my backpack. Josh found it in two seconds. Josh found it under my backpack.

Yeah, this is a good one. It honors one of my favorite characters in the history of the internet. And that's Uncle Terry and his fireworks mishap from a number of years ago when Uncle Terry was unable to back up. They told him over and over again. Back up Terry. Yeah, he was very confused. Josh got me a backup Terry t-shirt.

That ought to be what I'm wearing on Friday. So we got all that coming up. Tell me some stories. We haven't seen each other in so long. One or both of you got to have a story. Yeah, I've been sitting at home. I had the worst week off ever, personally speaking, personally speaking. So I have nothing.

All I did was sit at home. This is part of the whole, you know, things can go sideways speech. that I gave earlier. Things went sideways for me, so I wasn't able to enjoy much of anything while we were off, so I'm relying on the both of you. I'll try. Yeah, it was stressful, you know, even for those of us who weren't experiencing it personally, definitely, you know, worrying about your coworkers. But I caught up with some friends. I hadn't seen it forever, which was great. Caught up with some friends. But the coolest thing I did is I took a road trip to Wyoming, Minnesota. There's a company in Wyoming, Minnesota called Rosenbauer. Actually, I'm

wearing one of their sweatshards right now. Yeah? They built fire trucks. He started his most Josh story of all time. They build fire trucks for departments all over the world. You got to slow down because when you said you made a road trip to Wyoming, that blew my face right off of my skull. And I was unable to hear you there for a while because I was so excited. Dana, too.

I saw the look on Dana's face. When you said you made a road trip to Wyoming, Minnesota, we were both stunned. Not a lot of people get that out. opportunity. To go to Wyoming, Minnesota. I've been saving up for a while. So you went somewhere, something to do with fire trucks? It's called Rosenbauer. They build fire trucks for, I mean, the ones you see in town. Fire truck. Fire truck. Right. They make them for the airports, the military. I mean, I had no idea how many varieties of fire trucks there were and all the cool things you can do with these. Now, people are already

assuming that you're making this up because Bauer is at the end of the company name. No, no, it's a real thing. Okay, because we've got... Let me double check. Oh, yeah, right here, Rosenbauer. Today's show is brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive, Third Avenue and Main Street. Say hello to Tiny. Say hello to Donnie Hogbauer and all the rest of the folks over there.

They'll repair your fire truck. You're talking about Rosenbauer, fire truck... They build fire trucks. They build fire trucks. And you went up there to watch them build a fire truck? Yeah, Colombian Jesus. Remember the Brotherhood? He works there.

He invited me out. He introduced me a couple of coworkers. Allison and Grace. They gave me a behind-the-scenes tour. It was one of the coolest things I've ever done. It's certainly in a long time. You were told about this. Yeah, he works there and he knows, like, I think emergency vehicles and big trucks are cool, just like a little kid.

Wow. And if you do as well and you want to check it out, it's worth your time. I think you'd love it. They're starting to do tours for the public, the first and third Fridays of every month. Wow. Yeah, I mean, I came home with like brochures. I wanted to buy one and I found out how much they were. You were going to be buying one?

You were going to buy a fire engine? So let me sit in a few of them. I put out a fire. No, I requested to put out a fire. They wouldn't let me do that. I'll be dead. But it was cool watching them from the beginning stages all the way to the end. And these things take years in some cases, right?

Planning all this out, all the different ways you can customize it. You can put stuff like maybe you know the name of it, Nick, where you pull the string in the cab to honk the horn. Is there a name for that? I don't know. Just for like tradition, right? They can do some stuff that's more traditional. The air horn?

Is that what you're going for? Yeah, like their horn that you hear, you know, when they're going to a fire. Well, dick me sideways. I can't believe what I'm hearing. It was really cool. I was really, I think even you guys would like it. I know you're not into some of that stuff. We love your passion for it, though.

Honestly, it was so cool seeing some of that. And then I got to meet some firefighters from, I can't remember, maybe Tennessee. There's so much knowledge. You went up there all by yourself? Yes. Just going to ask. No, there's a bunch of little kids there. I was chaperoning.

I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to ask. No. Here's somebody says they just drove by it as we were talking about. Sure. You, you, your little, the campus is huge. Your, your obsession, I don't know if that's the right word, but you are just drawn to things like this. And I'm glad you had a new experience.

Yeah, I love seeing what people do. You're always looking for a new experience when it comes to like a ride along or learning what other folks do day by day for a living. You've had a brand new experience now. I'm happy for you. And speaking of ambulance drivers, I want to say word up to Lana. I didn't mean that to sound like lawn, like you're mowing the lawn. I know I just did, and I didn't mean that.

Lana and Josh, did I get that right? God dang it. Lana and maybe Josh isn't the name. But a couple ambulance drivers I met recently. What's up? Lana and God dang it, I'll get it. I will. I saw another thing I'd never seen before if nobody else has it.

Oh, no, no, you go, you go. And it's something I still can't explain. I don't know how to explain it. There was a woman, she's wearing like a fancy dress, standing outside of what I've always suspected to be a happy-ending massage parlor. You can't confirm it? Sure seems like. Is this the one from your old neighborhood?

It may or may not be in my neighborhood. Oh, no, you're saying Minneapolis? I mean, your old neighborhood for where you grew up? No, no. Okay, so. I know what you're saying, Josh, because you can kind of notice a massage parlor and you can kind of just get a sense that that's the vibe. Yeah, there's a sense, and maybe even a scent. This is the one you've told us about before.

You've mentioned before there's a massage parlor somewhere's here in the Twin Cities that you've always been suspicious of. Pretty sure. You might be thinking there was one I grew up by a bathhouse, which I, by the way, have heard, are going to be legal again in Minneapolis. And it was, I think it was called the Tiki Hut. I forget every single time. A bath house? Yeah. And this was a lot of folks don't know this.

this, but our uncles once met each other at a bathhouse. Yeah, scrubbed each other's backs. That's where they met each other originally. So, okay, you see a lady out front of a... Yeah, she's wearing like a fancy dress. Uh-huh. And she's belting out opera at full volume. I don't know if she was entertaining customers, if she was protesting, or she sings loudly

after orgasm. I don't know what her deal was, but she was going for it. A lady singing opera in a fancy dress outside of a... massage parlor that you suspect dishes out dry handies. In the middle of a day. In the middle of the day. I can't figure out what was going. There wasn't like a sign.

That's not something I don't think anybody sees terribly often. No, not at all. And she didn't look like she was on crocodile or bath salts or anything like that. She was passionate about whatever opera she was singing. I didn't know, like, do I get out of the car? Am I in danger? Do I sing along? You had some experiences while we were gone.

Yeah, it was kind of weird. Fire trucks and dry hand gels, man. That's the perfect weekend for Josh. Listen, I don't want to besmirch a business. I'm not going to say they were dry. I've never experienced one. That was me. I shouldn't have said that.

They might not be dry. I'd say the last thing I did was, it was a mistake. I watched so much criminal minds. My wife and I have been trying to binge the series. Criminal minds. It's, you know, show about an FBI unit who they're profilers and they go after the worst of the worst. you know, mostly serial killers.

And I sunk into a deep depression due to the subject matter. I'm not kidding. I'm affected still by watching over and over and over all this stuff. I've been programmed to be sad. This is a popular program on what channel. Well, now it's on Paramount Plus. Paramount Plus. It used to be on broadcast TV.

Boy, I watched some dark stuff too, I guess, while we were gone because I had nothing better to do than just sit in bed and watch television. So what kind of programs did you watch that has put you in this? That was it. Criminal Minds. Oh, no, I mean, but what was the plot lines that were sinking you into this deep depression? Well, just a lot of terrible murders, sexual assaults, you know, all kind of. After a while, like, why are we even watching this?

And then when it moved to Paramount Plus, they introduced a great character, like a villain, and I didn't realize they were going to stretch that guy out three seasons. I can't even look at him anymore. It's ridiculous. Like I said, I'm in a funk, man. Criminal Minds. I'll have to check that out next time I've got some time to myself. It's a good show.

Most seasons are pretty good. But, yeah, I found out if you watch like four seasons in a row when you have a week off. Yeah, why would you do that to yourself? We had nothing else to watch. It was stupid. Oh, I could have given you something to watch. I didn't agree to that sound as dirty as it sounded. But, man, between that show and Law & Order SVU, I don't know how people put themselves through that.

I can't watch that because that's all sexual cells, right? And it's all kids. Oh, is it really? Yeah. Special Victims Unit. How's that a show? And then it's wildly popular. I don't want to watch that television show.

Here's a box tossing Jesus texted in. He thinks he knows everything. He says the hand jobs aren't dry at a massage parlor. Yeah, they are. Some of them they are. Don't start trouble, dude. Not on a Monday. And not over something as stupid as hand jobs.

Don't start trouble. That's all we asked. What's the motto on the boat on Friday again? Let's be adults about this. be adults about this and don't start trouble at 601 over hand jobs, box tossing Jesus. This is funny and thank you for folks who have been listening so long.

Yeah, back when Criminal Minds originally aired on I think it was CBS, that was my wife's code for sex where we'd say to each other, hey, you want to go watch criminal minds? And I knew what that meant. I know our marriage is much different now. When she

says that she legitimately means let's watch criminal minds. As a matter of fact, I've confirmed I've a dropped in my wife's love rankings because the other day she was leaving for work, she kissed both dogs goodbye and walked right by me. It's like ignored me. The dog's got a kiss goodbye, but I got nothing. I can relate to that, Josh.

Oh, yeah. You haven't been married that long. No, but my wife loves our dog very much. That's true. Me and your wife, Josh, our cold word was Frazier. Oh, is that right? I know she likes Frazier. Do you want to go watch Frasier?

Hey, let me just throw this at our listening audience real quick. And thank you for being there. Like I said earlier, we didn't mean to take as much time off as we did. But we're happy to be back. You know, some things happen. And we're going to try to get over the hump and do, you know, hopefully a good 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20 broadcast in a row now. At least, yeah. We would love to do that.

We would love to. And hopefully, like you said, earlier, full strength. If you're just tuning in, we're hoping to have Ashley back. She's been gone a little longer than the rest of us. So she's got some good news over the break, and hopefully she'll be back tomorrow. That would be incredible. That would be wonderful. That would be the uplifting type of a moment that this morning show could use.

Yeah, that would help clear out the criminal minds for sure. So speaking to that, so I mentioned, you mentioned you've been watching criminal minds. never saw it. Neither have I watched this. What was the name of the show? You've been watching Dana where it's all little kids? Oh, I don't watch that show. I just referenced it Law and Order SVU.

All right. I watched something while we were away from work. And I don't remember the name. This is where I really struggle. I don't remember what channel I was on. And I don't remember the name of the program. But I'm on a seat the All-Knowing Brother and Sisterhood. Get back to me here.

651-9-9-933-93 or maybe one of the two of you can answer this has have you guys seen this documentary out about the lady who stole somebody's baby no is it new do you know i think it is okay maybe i saw a preview for it 651-98993 what the hell was the name of that show that i saw where a lady stole somebody's baby well she killed she killed the mother and took the baby out of the mother and then drove away with it. It's one of the worst, darkest, most awful. But that's what they're going for these days on television, right? Is it maternal instinct?

Does that sound right? Oh, okay, maybe not. I can't remember. But anyway, that's what they're going for now. This true crime, criminal minds type stuff is so huge now, right? It's so huge. Oh, yeah. I mean, some of the most popular podcasts outside of like Joe Rogan, it's all true crime stuff.

Right. The darker, the more disturbing, the better, right? Just like any genre. I mean, 20 years ago, when it was all girls gone wild, they pushed the envelope, pushed the envelope until it was just straight up porno, right? So this is nothing new. You know, once a genre becomes popular, they're going to pump it and push it as far as the public can take it. I believe I saw the ultimate in this lady that killed another lady and took her baby.

I think what do they call it in the business? I think they've jumped the shark because that was so dark and so frigging disturbing. By the time it was over, I was having dark thoughts like you were, Covey. Yeah, maternal instinct, that's what it's called. Okay, yeah. The texts are coming in. I knew you, not only you boys, but I knew our listeners could help me out. that was one of the most effed up.

I remember the story. Absolutely horrible. The gal was from the word go, she was just a compulsive liar. Her whole life. Yeah, she faked a pregnancy, right? Exactly. And her final act, yes, so you know what I'm talking about. Her final act was to fake a pregnancy and then to somehow prove, and everyone knew it.

Everyone said, you're not really pregnant. All of her friends, even her friggin' boyfriend, you're not really pregnant. her last psychotic act to try to prove everyone wrong was to kill it was just so awful i tried to convince people i was pregnant i was embarrassed of the weight you guys keep telling me i'm putting on well you had to nobody bought it thank you everyone i knew you could help me out and now i feel i feel terrible i mean not only because of the subject matter we were just covering but i can't remember the name of the dude from that ambulance the gal was named lana ambulance guy. God dang it, I feel, I want to make sure I get the name right. I knew I'd

forget, Josh. I knew I'd F this up. That's not easy sometimes. So there you go. You know, I actually started using a couple of apps that are supposed to, I think my brain's deteriorating. And I didn't have, you know, I wasn't having much to begin with. So I'm using a couple apps to help out with that. And one of them, which I found very useful, and it was a creative, like you play a bunch of these brain teaser games, right? And it's supposed to kind of fire synapses and connect parts of your brain to make you not lose it as fast for old folks like myself. Yeah. But they have faces and then they'd say a little thing about them.

Like, here's Nick. Nick works at a radio station. You know, Nick drives a pickup truck, a few different things. And then you have to remember the face and kind of what they do, where they're from, stuff like that. I'll be damned. First couple times it was terrible. It was so bad. I mean, I really muffed it up. Yeah, I'd get maybe two out of four, one out of four. But it would get a little better at it just from the repeat of practice. Yeah, I had this, I met these ambulance people, and the guy's name was like, like, swimming, swami.

Was it Swanson? Samsonite. Maybe just run down every male name you can pick up. And then you'll hit it. We got to take a break. When we come back, we'll, we'll donkey punch. that stupid news report. We appreciate you being there.

Back in a few minutes here, folks. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time.

Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the Comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki.

He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-L-com. And it spells relief for you. Stupid News on the half-assed morning show. I don't know.

I don't know if I remember how to do this. It's been a while since we've dumped a stupid news report out into the world, but I am looking forward to it. I just don't know if I can do it right. If I start to trail off, if I walk out of the room, call me back into the room. You're the best of the best. You're going to be fine. Just call me back in, sit me down. and turn you around like grandpa. No, no, no, no, grandpa, back over here.

Face this way. Look at this unbelievable crowd we've got out there in our listening audience. A lot of folks texting in and welcoming us back. We appreciate that. And they're looking forward to the same thing we're looking forward to, possibly seeing smashily in the mix in the next couple of days. So there's a real positive vibe going around here, Josh. Yeah, getting much better, that's for sure. Positive vibes. A little rough. I'm sure I can get pissy here in a heartbeat and ruin the mood.

But I'll keep her going. We'll just keep her going for now. See how long we can keep the positive vibes going. To begin today's report, here's a lady that hates lawn mowing even more than my wife does. Oh, does she hate it when I up and mow the yard ski. Yeah, you were telling me a little bit about that. She does. She accuses me of disturbing the peace.

She seems so even keel. Okay, hold on a second. That took a second to register. Disturbing the peace? Yes. She has accused me of disturbing the peace and has threatened to call the police when I mow the yard on our property. She hates it when the neighbors mow.

She hates it when anybody. fires up a lawn mower. All right, I'm done. Hey, buddy. You're disturbing the peace. Oh, I mean, you should see the way she stomps around the house. That's funny. So, I mean, is it because...

When the neighbor fires it up, she stomps around the house peering out the window. It's 6 o'clock. He shouldn't be. This is when people have dinner. Why is he? And I always say, you know, you got to get it done. No, you don't. I do try and think of that.

No, you don't have to get it done. I do try and be considerate about the time when mowing. I do, too, but at the same... in the same breath, you know, close the windows. How long does it take you to have dinner? I'm sure I know the answer to this, but let me know if you think this is ridiculous. There are times like I want to get to my lawn before my neighbor just so they don't think I'm copying them, you know? Like they're going to think, oh, now he moses lawn right after we do, you know.

You got to get out of your own head, Josh. I just think I don't want them to think like, oh, look at this douchebag. The level that you reach as far as self-consciousness goes, it's record-setting. Or, you know, I'll do it the other way where you have the three-day after. I don't know if that's still a thing with young people, but back in the day, you don't want to be too desperate to contact a person you went on a date with, right? You're playing the game. Right.

And maybe that's changed. That's very much changed. Yeah, with social media and texting and all. And that wasn't big at all when, you know, I was dating. Yeah. Or even around. And so I'll give it like two, three days, you know, instead of just going the same day later that day or the next. If your neighbor fires up his mower, does the lapse, gets her done, and puts it back in the shed, you don't like to immediately go out there and mow your yard because you feel as if he might accuse you of copying him.

Yeah, well, I've been accused before about something dumber by a former neighbor, so it's stuck with me a little bit. Yeah, my wife does not like lawn mowers. mowers, whether I'm on it or anyone else in the neighborhood. I do mow, you guys tell me, if this is bizarre, I don't think it is. I do mow probably twice a week, meaning I mow the back one day and then I mow the front a couple days later. I go back to front. I don't think you're supposed to do that, but.

Well, because they grow differently, like my hairdo. The back grows far faster than the front. Do you see what I'm saying? Sure. So that's why I, it is twice a week. And it's easier, right? It's easier than doing it all at once. Exactly.

You break up the job. But you have a riding lawn more, though. Now I think about it. Yeah, I do. What does that have to do with anything? Well, I was thinking just because it's like, I'm cooked from doing the front lawn. I'm going to save this.

I don't want to do the back lawn as well. You're right. It is a little sad that I have to break up my lawn into two separate days when I'm on a riding lawnmower, but that's where I'm at in life. It drives my wife up a wall. Oh, and then I get the trimmer out. She doesn't like that unit either. Or the leaf blower.

I can't win. She doesn't like any of that stuff. You're going to be proud of me. I used my flame thrower over the weekend. Wow. I almost text you about it, but I knew you were resting, and I thought, eh, I don't have to text them about everything I do. Tell me all about this now.

It was great. Didn't read the instructions. Dana, I thought you'd appreciate that. I like to read instructions. Yeah, I... It was easy enough. I don't think I read the instructions the first time I used my flame throw. I was just kind of throwing switches until I saw fire.

Yeah, pretty much. I wasn't the best idea, but that's what I just started throwing switches and turning cylinders on and off until I saw fire. That suckers loud. When you really... Like the whole... Yeah, when you really hit the gas there. It kind of... Right?

Yeah, it didn't. work is, I think I might have some pretty strong weeds or something. Because my weeds kind of said, you know what, F you. I'll give you an ember, but that's all I'm giving you. I was hoping is that as satisfying and as the videos I see of people using them. I might just not be good at it yet. Josh? But I was pretty disappointed.

You're a novice. I and others in our listing audience are seasoned veterans when it comes to running a flamethrower. And I'll tell you this, it's going to make you feel better. So here's what happened, I'm assuming, because it happened to me too when I first started with my flamethrower. You're cooking the piss out of a weed and the some bitch remains. Yeah. Here's the thing. Despite me. Weds are different. I watched a, like a video of some other some bitch using his flamethrower so I could gather some tips. Even though that weed might not

just completely catch fire or curl up and die immediately, you have killed it. Really? Yes. That's the tip I got from a video that said Just because that thing doesn't turn into an inferno instantly You bake that pig for a few seconds You have killed it, it will die I'll have to check that out then Josh runs home to check his weeds See if he died

I'm kind of excited I hope I did something Like I said I was disappointed I know that frustration There were a few weeds where I was just blasting it Like it was a freaking I wanted to hear it scream Yes

But nothing You got it Just trust you got it Sir, why were you doing 90 and a 45? I got to get home to see if the weeds are dead. And if it's a cop that has some sort of flamethrower, they'd understand. So I'm very happy for you. You got out and finally used that thing after a year.

Question. Yes. I have some grass that's growing in an area I don't want grass. Yeah. Let's say like maybe a five-by-five patch. Can I flame throw it? Or is that a terrible idea? No, burn the grass.

All right. Just be careful not to get trees in the side of the house. I've had a couple close calls. Here's a guy who hasn't been paying attention. I just got to, I mean, not that we don't appreciate you texting, but here's a guy who hasn't been paying attention. He just texted it in and said, where's Ashley today? We've covered this a few times.

She's got some things going on, personal stuff. She's been out for a week or so. We're hoping to see her tomorrow. Thank you for asking. Yeah, and thank you for those that have been supporting her. You've been great. I mean, it's a time of need for her, and everybody's been stepping up.

saying some really nice things. And I know, Dana, you had mentioned, even other radio stations have stepped in. Yeah, somebody from down the dial on KFAN shared her posts about what's been going on with her and helping to raise some money. So that's cool to see. Zach Calverson? Yes, exactly. Yeah, thank you, Zach.

There you go. All right. So back to this lawn mowing drama. And obviously, terribly dumb 84-year-old lady. She got herself arrested. She effing fired a gunshot at her neighbor. Because in her warped effin mind, the sum bitch was taken too long while cutting his grass.

Old Charlene. Old bitch, Charlene. She's dealing with some pretty serious sounding criminal charges after what she's done. Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Discharging a firearm. residential property. Those sound pretty serious to me. I hope I never become that old, angry person in the neighborhood. We got one by us. He's a decent

enough guy, but, you know, he's got stay off my lawn sign, like every three and a half feet, probably. Like you might put up the snow stakes, right, so that the plow doesn't get you? Right. He's got those all around his lawn. So you think he might be the type of nut job that might be firing weapons at you at one point or another? Maybe. And there was some, I saw there were some workers. They're burying those new fiber lines or whatever for, I think, AT&T,

something like that for high-speed internet. And he was like going after these guys. Somebody came over to fix something at his house and he's yelling at them. It's just crazy people. I don't think I'll ever get there, but I don't know. I don't know how that works. Charlene,

she's the one who shot at her friggin neighbor. or at least fired a weapon while her neighbor was mowing his lawn because she thought he was taking too long. The neighbor guy says there he was. He was a riding round and round on his mower doing his thing. He heard the gunshot. And he looked on over and saw old bitch Charlene standing there holding the revolver. He called the police when they asked old bitch Charlene about. about what she had done, she admitted it.

She said she fired her 38 special revolver into the ground. She told the cop she wanted to scare her neighbor guy. He's always on his lawnmower when I'm trying to sleep, she said. And apparently after the shot, you know, dude shut off the mower. And there was just this moment where he's locked eyes with his neighbor. And he's wondering what the F is going on. After the shot, old bitch Charlene said to her neighbor, she said, quote, you better watch out.

What an idiot. No doubt. So it doesn't matter what time a day you mow, your wife thinks you're disturbing the piece. Yeah, does she have a window? Yeah, I think I think I'm most apt to be accused of disturbing the piece if I fire up my craftsman. after 5 p.m. That's when I get the most heat. What is the cutoff?

For me, if it's like eight on a weeknight, if it's eight, maybe I'll wrap it up before eight o'clock. Well, you know, I got people in my neighborhood who go out there at dusk so they can run their headlights. They get a kick out of using the headlights. Oh, man, I wish I had one of those. And that's, you know, I know a lot of people who don't think very highly of that, of mowing the lawn 8.39 o'clock at night.

They think of that as a quiet time. I don't know if there's any... It depends on who you acts, Cubby. I am one step closer to getting a riding lawnmower. The older I get... I've wanted one forever, as you know. Ad nauseum, I brought it up. But I'm one step closer.

Talk to the guys at Lano. They're not helping. Those guys, they're really pushing me. Oh, I bet they're good. They talk about how cool it is. It's so tempting, and I want to buy everything they've got. And you don't need much peer pressure. are there.

No. Because you've been wanting this for years. They know I want it. I still don't understand why you don't just put your son to work, but... No, he does. Oh, he does? But, you know, it's not having a zero-turn more. He mows the lawn now.

Oh, he does? Okay, good. Josh, this is just all there is to it. If you don't buy a riding lawnmower by the end of summer, our friendship is over. Well, don't do that to me. Whatever happened to Nick and Josh. He didn't buy a riding lawnmower. They call it Nick and Dana now.

Dana and I are going to go We're going to go check out the fall colors. Dude, if you did that. If you don't buy a riding lawnmower by the end of summer, when's the last day of summer? Like September 21st or something like that? Of 2042. This summer, Nick and Dana are going to be the new Nick and Josh.

Dana and I are going to start doing all the things together. It's always the ones closest to you that hurt you the most. You know, this. is petty and childish. But that would hurt me so much. But it's going to work, isn't it? If you guys went and looked at fall colors together and then went to Chipotle for lunch or something.

That would kill you. Deep down inside, your insides would just melt. We rent a nice little convertible and we're taking photos, selfies together, and send them to you. Dana and I are going to go to the next Mr. Big show together. All right, you've gone too far. Now I'm angry.

Hey, all you got to do is buy a riding lawnmower. You've been talking about it for decades. I'm emotional with the last couple weeks. I told you, and I watched all this criminal minds. Oh, I'll make you emotional. I'm at a funk. Dana, loan me some money to get a zero turn. It's the least you can do.

You're a dink. You've heard that term, right? Oh, yeah, I guess. Dual income, no kids. You've got the expendable cash. Yeah, you know, that radio producer and elementary school teacher money. just rolling in. Sicky, you 1%ters over there.

Somebody says, get an electric mower and you can mow in the middle of the night. I have one, and I kind of, just because I don't know how to fix anything, and I got, my other one was falling apart. It's still kind of loud, actually. Maybe I don't have a good one. Hogbauer automotive does some small engine repair. Where are they located? Third Avenue and Main Street.

Main Street. Yeah. Yeah. You got till the end of summer. All right. Speaking of my potential new best bro, Dana, whatever. You want to play the guessing game real quick, Dana? Please.

I like to play the guessing game once in a while. Usually it's you and Smashley who play the guessing game, but she ain't here. So it's just you. A gal down there in the horrible southeastern United States, she was taken to jail for shoplifting. Oh, cripes. kicked the hell out of a couple of cops. But here's where the guessing game comes into play. When the police were throwing this idiot into jail,

they had to go ahead with the search. They had to search her carcass. And in the process of that search, a crack pipe fell to the floor. So go ahead and guess, Dana, where that crack pipe fell from. Well, I mean, the obvious. answer. I think it has to be the butt.

Really? I wouldn't have thought that'd be the obvious answer as a woman. I mean, I'm not a woman yet. But if thinking about a woman being in the store. Only on the inside. What movie was that where Will Ferrell was accused of being a woman? And he said, only on the inside. I'm so bad at that. Anyway, Dana, your final guess on, okay, a crack pipe fell out of a lady while they were searching her at jail. where did the pipe fall from? What's your final decision?

Well, because Josh had mentioned there's another obvious answer, but I thought if it was the vagina, we wouldn't be playing the guessing game. So I'm going to go ahead and go with the butt. Dana says, anus. Always going for the butt. The answer is her digina. I overthought it.

Yeah. Christina is her name. It was Christina's bird gina front butt some people call it the front butt we'll give you an asterisk it was her vagina that was squeezing that crack pipe to death but like I said after a while she couldn't hold it in any longer and it slapped down onto the floor that'd be one of the worst things about being arrested for me is having to show my naked body like do they you know in the movies they make you bend over and spread them and stuff like that yeah is that the new

guy doing that, or is that a seasoned correctional officer that has to take a look up there? Sometimes it's a mix of both, Josh. Sometimes it's the new guy and the veteran who make you cough, you spread your cheeks, the whole works. Yeah. Sometimes it's both, new guy and the old veteran. Jay and Silent Bob strikes back. That's right.

That's right. I don't remember the exact verbiage, but there's a funny scene where, anyway, So one individual who read this story online about Christina and the crack pipe that she held inside her vagina, as long as she could handle it. And then it gave way and it fell down onto the floor. The crack pipe, not her vagina. One person who read this story online left a comment. They simply wrote,

What goes up must come down. Another person wrote, Way down yonder on the Chattahoochee, it gets hotter than a hot. Hootie-Coochee? Does anyone know why that was It's a country music song. Oh, that's really how the lyrics are? No, no, I recognize the lyrics. Oh, okay.

But was that just all placed in there so they could say the word Coochie? That sounds right. Okay. Way down yonder on the... Fibre-splicing Jesus has some advice if you're ever unlucky enough to go to jail. When they do the cavity search,

you just got to say harder, daddy, and make it awkward for everyone. Oh, boy. It's just awkward for the person spreading them. Oh, God. What other situations could you sit? Like at the dentist's office when they're drilling in? They're giving you a drilling a cavity or something like that. Harder, Daddy.

You could use that one. Christina here and her outlaw beaver. They're going to be incarcerated for a while because of this crack pipe stunt. Some people are texting in things. about the potential new greatest friendship in radio. Dana and myself, they're texting in some things that, Josh, I just don't have the heart to say to you. I don't think I can take it. I don't have the heart to say some of the things.

We'll just continue with the stupid news. I appreciate that. Because I think we're doing all right so far. Oh, oh, this one, sure. My damn, what I would give to somehow travel back. in time what I would give to somehow travel back in time so I could see this effing disaster in person

with my own eyes in real time again with the southeastern United an 84-year-old man called Ed he's gone ahead and sued his neighborhood Waffle House he has he's suing the Josh you ever had any of that Waffle House act No, I want to try an in-and-out in a waffle house, and I'm sure plenty of others.

You know the ones you've heard about some. No, I mean like action. Oh, I don't even know what that is. I can ask your best friend Dana. Maybe he knows what it is. You ever pulled a gal out of the Waffle House? No. Ooh.

I bet that's nice, though. That's what I'm talking about. Action. Yeah, you get some, I can picture that type of action. It seems like, I don't know if they just have a bad rap or what. Are people there like to party? Or maybe it's one of those things like Perkins, at least used to be back. in the day. I mean, you really go there

when you're hammered? One of my best pals he landed some of that Waffle House action. He said you'll never go back. You'll never go back to the old ways. Okay, anyway, so an 84-year-old man named Ed, he's suing his neighborhood Waffle House. This is so good. Here's what happened with Old Ed.

Last year, he was a walking down the street past his local Waffle House. He saw an ad in the window for their limited edition Strawberry Shortcake Waffle. Well, hello, nurse.

84-year-old guy again. I mean, I think it starts around the time you hit 40. For men, food becomes such a massive factor in our life. You're not kidding, man. Every activity I have, I want it based around food. I mean, we're all still bumping now and again.

It ain't over yet. but food after a while becomes just as attractive as sex. It does. It just happens. By the time you're 84, the dudes that I know, most of the guys that I know that hit 84 are gone now. But some of the older guys that I still know in this age range, that's the only thing you can do to get them to pep up is some kind of a meal. Yeah, I totally get it. Even a discussion on the price will excite them.

Yep. So my uncle, Mike, may he rest in peace, one of my all-time favorite people, one of the greatest guys ever. He could entertain my older kids when they were young talking about what day you want to go get a food product at a very different restaurants, about coupons, discounts, all that kind of stuff. He was such a good storyteller. He made it interesting where they were like, okay, so you want to go to Casper's on Tuesday nights? Right. And he would have, and they'd tell you exactly what you need to order, how you need to prepare. So knowing all that, it makes sense to me. that this 84-year-old man had this reaction.

So again, he's walking down the street. He walks past his local waffle house. He sees an ad in the window for their limited edition strawberry shortcake waffle. And he says, he was so distracted and mesmerized by the image of the strawberries and the waffles. Did the mic pick that up? What? I just absolutely had like this internal belch. Oh, if he did, I miss it.

That, sorry, he was so distracted. He upped and tripped over what he calls a, quote, abnormally high curb. He fell and absolutely smashed his face into the pavement. Poor guy. I've definitely tripped on one of those. That is the funniest thing I've heard all day. And so he's suing the Waffle House for that reason. Dumb old bastard staring at a picture of a waffle in a window.

He goes sideways. He ends up deep-throating a curb. He needed to be picked up off the deck and taken to the hospital. And I'm guessing it was during the ambulance ride that he decided he was going to try and turn this gong show into a payday for his clumsy ass. He's suing the Waffle House for that very reason. Poor guy. I didn't even get any of that Waffle House action either. No, maybe.

Never had a chance. It's coming. His lawyer says he suffered, quote, severe and permanent. and injuries, uh-huh, uh-huh, but this is brilliant. Ed and his shady lawyer say that the Waffle House, quote, increased the risk of harm beyond ordinary conditions by prioritizing marketing and visual appeal over pedestrian safety. I'd imagine, yeah, they had a little bit of a debate in the boardroom there and decided,

F, pedestrian safety. We've got some strawberry waffles to sell. What somebody think about the pedestrians and their safety? Right. A real professional lawyer and an 84-year-old grown man came up with that. Again, they increased the Waffle House, increased the risk of harm beyond ordinary conditions by prioritizing marketing and visual appeal over pedestrian safety. They're looking for around $300,000 for what the Waffle House did to Ed.

Now, in response, the Waffle House lawyer basically said, you've got to be banging me, right? The lawyer more or less said, Ed is a grown-ass man who wasn't looking where the hell he was going. Give me a damn break with that nonsense, the Waffle House lawyer said. This is one of my all-time favorites. Is there anything more fun, Josh,

than watching another human being absolutely eat shh out of nowhere's? I wish I would have been there. Even when it's yourself. Even when it's yourself. Even yourself. I've got video of myself wiping out of my driveway once. I enjoy watching that.

That's beautiful. Florida Transplant Jesus says this. His words, not mine, never been there. If you want to know what it's like to eat at a Waffle House, just eat breakfast at 2 a.m. in a dirty ashtray. Oh! That's descriptive. Well, here's one of our listeners who's had some of that Waffle House action.

Really? He said, Huba, Huba. He knows what I'm talking about. He calls to gal Waffle House Wendy. Hmm. Well, in those videos, you see kind of like, He sees so many videos of things going on at Waffle House. The Waffle House.

It does seem like folks there have a lot of energy, a lot of spit and vinegar. The last time I was at a Waffle House was in Orlando, Florida. It was about six in the morning. And we had made some new friends, and we were out drinking with them all night. And we ended up drinking at the Waffle House. Mixed drinks that contained Benadryl, NyQuil, and Monster Energy drink. My God, were you suicidal? Sounded like a good idea of the time.

And I was like 23. It was for WrestleMania. weekend, Nick. You were doing what? You were drinking what? Mixed drinks with Benadryl, Nyquil, and Monster Energy drink. Why didn't you just go get regular drinks? They weren't selling any booze anymore. So this guy who I met... Yeah, it sounds like a good way to wake up dead.

What a guy who you met where? In the hotel parking lot. So it was me and my buddy Moody. Moody and I, like, we're kind of troublemakers on our own, but when you put us both together, it's just like pouring gasoline on a fire. and we ended up making these friends in the parking lot and the hotel and ended up at a waffle house at 6 in the morning drinking energy drinks that were made from a CVS across the street.

I just don't understand why anybody would do that. You met a guy in a parking lot and you mixed what together again? Benadryl, NyQuil, and Monster Energy drink. Oh, man, I mean, I knew a dude from California when we were teenage kids came over here to Minnesota to hang with us and we were too young. We were probably only 15 or 16. You know, we didn't really have a real reliable source for beer just yet.

Mm-hmm. Stole a lot of it. That was probably our best source when we were 15 or 16. We would steal them bottles of booze and beer from houses. But we didn't have that character to go to the liquor store for us just yet. And the dude from California is like, well, you know, we can always, you know, go grab some cough medicine. and we were all Minnesota boys, we were all like, wait a minute, what?

I'd never heard of that before when I was 15 or 16 years old. And the guy was serious. And I said, yeah, no. Don't they make meth out of that stuff? I don't know. By the way, back to this old guy who fell down in front of the Waffle House.

Medical device Jesus texted in to say he loved the story and he can't wait for the next time that me and Dana tell that story about the gal at the state fair who fell down. You know, I used to like that guy quite a bit. Remember that, Dana, when that gal fell down at the state fair? Oh, yeah, she completely right in the dirt, faceful dirt.

I was there, Josh wasn't. Screw you guys. All right. Should I try to press through one more here, Cubby? Why not? All right. This one, I'm not really sure where to go with this one. Let's see what you folks come up with.

What I'm struggling with is, do we give this guy points for honest? You'll see what I mean here in a minute. I do like that in a crook, right? I guess. Staying with the dangerous illegal street drugs and the debacle that is the far southeastern United States, a 40-year-old dork by the name of Cedric was arrested last week.

13 felony charges, mostly drug offenses, they say. Mostly drugs. The local cops had an eye on Cedric for quite a while, over a few months. The police had an underwent. undercover informant go on over to Cedric House to buy cocaine three different times. So they had like a, the cops had a process going, undercover cop going over to Cedric's house. Eventually the cop sent a SWAT team to Cedric House.

When they had them dead to rights, they said, F it, send in the SWAT team. And when they pinned Cedric down, he said, quote, yes, I sell drugs to various people all throughout the city. So there you go. So I suppose that's what I suppose he deserves some credit for just cutting to the chase and admitting his crimes instead of doing the whole cliche. Those drugs aren't mine. They belong to my cousin routine and all the other stupid ways that derelicts try to mislead authorities. Yeah, and I'm sure cops are so used to someone denying it with maybe a really stupid example like the one you just gave,

that they're like, yeah, right, but oh, wait, what? You were selling drugs. Yeah, yes, I sell drugs to various people all throughout the city, is what he said to the police. His house was a gold mine. While up in it, the cops found cocaine, heroin, grass, amphetamines, guns, ammunition. Oh, and maybe this is also fun. Cedric's girlfriend was there, too. I love this part.

She should take a lesson in honesty from Cedric. Despite everything the cops found in the house, she told the police that she had no idea he was a drug dealer. No clue, huh? Yeah, we know the honest one in the relationship. A what dealer? A drug. Oh, I had no idea. Are you kidding me?

This guy? Cedric. My boyfriend. The guy I'm banging. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Where the Blues Cruises back. again so let's party in small bits wear your funny t-shirt but keep it on don't show yourself we used to lose

our dignity somewhere down by the docks wake up hugging strangers and seeing some guys cross but this time things are different and we've got just one rule let's be adults about this Don't be a drunken prick No cannon balls All about Get straightened out by a knit. Let's be adults about this. It's booze cruise week around here

Coming up Friday Our post Independence Day boat party Friday night on the St. Croix. Love that little theme song. The motto, let's be adults about this. Don't be a jagoff. They'll even be commemorative t-shirts there on the boat that are going to say that.

Just in case somebody needs reminder to be an adult about it. That's right. A few bucks going straight into my pocket. I want some of those bucks. You might be able to skim a little off the top. Okay, we'll get in and out of this conversation as quick as we can because Josh has a news report. Emmy's been sitting on for over a week. We haven't been working lately. Some things happen. But now we're back and we're happy to have you with you. Have you with us, I should say, Dana told the story a few minutes ago about how when he was a young guy,

he and his buddies needed to get hammered and it was after hours. Bars were closed, so you drank some Benadryl and some monster energy mixed in with some cat piss or something. NyQuil. NyQuil. He wanted to get drunk off of all these weird storebought.

Here's a listener who texted in to say when his uncle was stationed in Germany in the 70s in the military. they ran out of booze and they went ahead and drank some old spice what do they call that stuff after shit yeah they get the trick done he didn't mention if it was successful that seems like he could kill a fool that's what I'm talking about there's always rumors in high school

that if you sprayed an entire tube up a Naca in your mouth like that might give you a little bit of a buzz but I don't know if that was just one of those things it got passed around urban legend style if there was any truth to it I always heard that too that there was some alcohol in there Probably is. If you weren't aware, this morning's broadcast, again, is brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive, Main Street and Third Avenue.

Say hello to Tiny, Donnie Hogbauer, everybody over there. We appreciate what they do for our program. A listener has given me a heads up here, Josh. You bet you, Jesus texted in to say that Hogbauer has just put out a new special for this week. Oh, it goes through July. It's Nick and Dana Friendship Special Oil Change. What did I do to piss you guys on?

This is the most hurtful thing that's ever happened here, and I take a lot of crap. If you're not down with the bit, Josh has been hemming and hawn for about a decade now over whether or not he's going to ever buy a riding lawnmower. And I've been telling him, Jesus, for the love of peep, or get off the pot. Just go ahead and buy the riding.

And he says, I don't know, my yard's not big enough. maybe I will. So today I finally gave him an ultimatum. I said, if you do not buy a riding lawnmower by the end of this summer, our friendship is over. And my new best friend will be Dana. I would hope you'd never go through with something like that for any real reason. So again, through July at Hogbowers,

there's a Nick and Dana friendship special oil change for only $29.99. Can I ask you something real quick? Well, not before a listener also said, you know, if this friendship change officially happens, I can start calling Dana Dubby. Dana, do you get your vehicle serviced at Hogbower? Of course I do. Nick, do they cut brake lines for guys I'm about to be jealous of?

I know a couple of dudes over there that might cut a brake line for you. Really? That'd be awesome. You see, this is all very preventative, Josh. All you need to do is buy the riding lawnmower. I want one. I just can't justify it. But I don't know. I might get it.

The pressure's on now. It's now or never. Oh, what were we doing here? We've been out for so long. I mean, we didn't mean to stay away for so long. We certainly meant to take some time off for Independence Day, but some things went sideways and kept us away longer than we wanted to be. So we haven't even had a friggin chance to talk on air about Lamello's balls.

I mean, just real quick, when the trade happened a week or so ago, we were able to talk about it for about two minutes before we went off the air. So when Randy Schaever and Brad Ryder jump into the mix, None of us have been able to really express ourselves yet on the Lamello's balls deal with the Timberwolves. We haven't had a chance to talk about what the pigs have been up to. Twins. And is there not a big United States soccer game tonight?

Sure is. 12 hours from right now, USA versus Belgium. Is it do or die? It is. There you go. Round what? A round of 16. A round of 6.

They said 7 o'clock. Oh, well, there's 16 teams. teams remains. It's like the sweet 16 of the World Cup is what the U.S. is playing in tonight. So when is the final game? July 17th. Is it just called the finals? Yeah, this is the World Cup final. I thought maybe you were using military time there

for a second. It's around 16 of what? 16 o'clock? We'll talk about that also when the two morons join us here in about a half hour. Josh has a news report ready for you. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating

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Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Social media companies have insisted. They're protecting kids, but their track record is littered with tragedy. And this is no time to trust but verify.

It's time to regulate and enforce. Minnesota was supposed to begin requiring warning label pop-ups on social media platforms last week. But that law has been put on hold while the courts consider a legal challenge from big social media. The law would have required apps like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok to display a label pop-up that began July. first, but before it could take effect, tech companies sued. A group representing social media companies sued over those labels, citing the First Amendment. In a statement, we are confident we will prove to the court that this law is unconstitutional.

The state's attorney general, then filing a motion to dismiss and not enforcing the law while it plays out in court. Parents and suicide prevention advocates spent months urging law and not lawnmowers, sorry, I got that on the brain, lawmakers to approve the requirement. citing concerns over cyberbullying, online extortion, and the growing mental health challenges facing young people. We've known for years that social media platforms, especially image-based platforms like Instagram, can have very harmful effects on teen mental health. A new Pew Research Center survey finds nearly six and ten U.S. adults support banning anyone under 16 from using social media. What have I been saying from the word go, Cubby?

That it's evil. Shut it off. We were better off without it. Just shut it off. It was great at first. I thought, oh, that's kind of cool. You can keep up with folks he haven't seen in a while. And then you start to learn too much about people.

Chicks and whatnot. You were into it at first for the chicks. No, that was kind of more you. What? Yeah, I was into it for, you know, what's this person got going on? And then it got a little too much, obvious. I was definitely in it for the chicks, too. Were you really?

Oh, yeah. Mid-2010, 11, Twitter was the hottest dating app in town. Yeah, didn't you meet your first wife on Twitter? Yeah. July 1st also marked the start of a new Minnesota law requiring schools to set up anonymous threat reporting systems, making it easier for students and staff to speak up if they see or hear something concerning. Under that new law, every public school district and charter school in Minnesota must offer a way to anonymously report threats, whether it's through a mobile app, a website, or a toll-free hotline.

Those reports stay active until officials determine there's no longer a threat or until two years have passed since the law. last related tip. Shut it off. Another round of new laws will take effect August 1st, including a ban on access to nudification technology, the issuance of landman-style liquor licenses for nursing homes and more. Get rid of those nursing homes, too. Well, Shaverall have nowhere to live then. Enough already with that. In a spectacular case of thief-on-thief crime, a Maryland man managed to have his own car

stolen while he was busy stealing from somebody else. Police were responding to a stolen vehicle report when a burglary was reported just minutes later at a Verizon store across the street. Officers started connecting the crimson clues after spotting blood on the store's broken window and blood on the glasses of the man who just reported his vehicle stolen. Bless you! When they asked him to show his hands, they found even more blood on his hands and his shirt. Then they slipped him into handcuffs when they realized.

what was going on. Body cam video released by the department shows the man repeatedly denying he'd been at the Verizon store, but surveillance footage tells a very different story. And in a twist of poetic justice while he was helping himself to someone else's property, someone else was helping themselves to his. And the fact the break-in was reported just after the man called police to report his car stolen, they made the rest. One of the responding officers even joked about the irony of the situation. Yeah, that's some karma right there, dude. He was charged with burglary theft and destruction

of property. Did he appreciate being laughed at by the police right there? I think he knew he deserved it. That's good. Police didn't release details about the suspect who stole the burglar's vehicle. Apparently there's a thief out there who steals from other thieves. Kind of like a Dexter, serial killer who

kills serial killer. Yeah. Or like... But less violent. Some of the guys in the wire who rob other drug dealers. Oh, that was a good show too. A violent drunkard in England beat the tea and crumpets out of his dad, accidentally belted a dog, and then capped off the evening by hurling food at police, including one painfully precise pancake to the penis. He beat up a dog?

By accident. Yeah, his beloved dog. Oh, no. Bad aim. 29-year-old Kristen Naylor attacked his father, John, during a drunken argument over a dog, punching him repeatedly. Punching the old man, huh? Yeah.

You know, I never went ahead with that. And now I can't. He's gone. You missed it. I never punched my old man. Did you ever think about it? No. No, I really didn't.

I really didn't. But I mean, I'll tell you what, it would have taken him by surprise. I would have had the element of surprise in my back pocket for sure if I would have slugged him just once. Your dad tried to teach your brother a lesson with some fist to cuffs. Did they ever actually punch each other? No, it was more just, you know. Maybe there was a couple of punches. I don't know.

Prosecutors. It got rough here and there, sure. Said John had been staying at the man's mother's house while recovering from surgery. Naylor, who was visiting, left for about an hour, then returned absolutely hammered. The two started arguing. His father decided he'd had enough and tried to leave with his two dogs, saying he knew that the defendant what he was like when he was drunk. Yeah, I'm going to get the hell out of here. Naylor wasn't about to let sleeping dogs lie.

He chased after his father demanding he give him the dogs back. He grabbed for one of the leads, pressed his forehead against his fathers, and repeated the demand. And then he rained punches down on his father's head, accidentally clocking one of the dogs in the process. After his arrest, the food fight began. At the police station, he threw a cup of instant noodles at an officer, but missed. Come on. He followed that up with a flapjack, scoring a direct hit with the gland cake, nailing an officer square in the genitals causing, quote, sharp and immediate pain.

Really? A flapjack to the dong caused immediate pain? Yeah, sharp pain. The blindside breakfast beat down awful, also left the officer feeling like he was going to bar. If I understand that. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's almost every time.

They must have got him pretty good, though. I guess, yeah. Maybe it's a thing maybe been sitting out for a while, hardened up. What kind of breakfast do they serve over there where he had access to noodles and pancakes at the exact same time? Did he run to the lunchroom? I don't know if I've had that flavor combo before, Josh. Noodles with pancakes.

Naylor was sentenced to about a year in jail, along with a three-month alcohol ban, and six months of required mental health treatment. Well, he sounds like he could use a break. Yeah, maybe somebody could talk. Talks him to let the old man train a little while, you know what I mean? Yeah. So they can scrap again. Several people are under arrest after a police pursuit took a turn for the toasty

when a flamethrower was tossed at the cops in hot pursuit. Just after 6.30 p.m. last Wednesday, officers tried to stop a car believed to be connected to burglary and weapons crimes in another city. Instead of pulling over, the driver put the pedal down. During the pursuit and Chris, wait, now I already forgot where this was. Where was it? It's been a few days. Hold on. Let me double check. Well, I mean, does it really matter where it was?

Well, it was in Minnesota. Minnesota. Yeah, crystal. It was crystal. Crystal. It was Crystal. Yolanda. Instead of pulling over, the driver put the pedal down.

During that pursuit, people inside the car threw the coolest flamethrower I've ever seen. Honestly, they threw the unit out the window? I don't know why you would. That thing was awesome. They threw it at the window toward the pursuing squads. That pursuit eventually burned itself out when law enforcement was able to dodge the airborne fire equipment

and disable the vehicle. What was so cool about this flamethrower? It looked like something the military would use. Or like something you'd have in a video game to take on the big boss. Several occupants were arrested and taken to the Hennepin County Jail on outstanding warrants and additional charges. Investigators also recovered more than 100 grams of a marijuana, some fentanyl, and a gun from the vehicle. No injuries were reported. Well, so long, suckers.

A St. Louis firefighter has been put on leave after allegedly things. sinking outside the toilet and pooping inside the box. In what was perhaps an emergency response to a four-alarm fart, surveillance video captured a firefighter with his pants down and holding a cardboard box near his buttocks. A four-alarm fart. It was the final layer of defense. He was in a food storage area of an airport,

and he pooped in a cardboard box. The June 10th incident happened in a space operated by the airport's food and beverage vendor. The impact of the firefighter's unexpected delivery on food service hasn't been released by airport officials, but a spokesperson called the incident unacceptable. So he just couldn't get into a bathroom? Don't know. I don't know. You can't really argue with that.

They're right. It is unacceptable. Yeah. The St. Louis Fire Department is responsible for fire protection at the airport, though this particular call was a different kind of duty. The St. Louis Fire Department says it is aware of this incident involving one of its members. That member has been placed on administrative leave. No further information will be released at this time.

One person familiar with the situation told reporters, it's not a character for someone who wears the uniform. Well, another said it's disgusting and deserves disciplinary action. Yeah, it's pretty gross. It is gross. It's not a better box in the floor. True. Yeah, I mean, he did what he had to do.

It was obviously an emergency. I have great sympathy for folks who find themselves in that situation. So I hope that, you know, the dude can, rebound from this and still have a wonderful career with the fire department. Turns out that wasn't the only pile of crap firefighters had to deal with last month. Three turds were arrested after a fire at a vacant Burnsville school. Firefighters were called the Metcalf Middle School near Diffley Road in Highway 77, about 9.30 p.m. Wednesday, June 24th, after police in the area noticed smoke coming from inside that building.

Police said they arrived to find some very stupid people still inside the very ugly building. A minor was released to a guardian with two misdemeanor charges while a man and a woman were booked into the Dakota County Jail on charges related to burglary, trespassing, and fleeing a peace officer. Metcalfe Middle School closed in 2020 due to declining enrollment. In 2024, a developer purchased the property from the Burnsville-Egan Savage School District with intentions to turn it into housing and a park. Where were these folks just hanging out and they're getting high or something?

I don't know what they were doing. messing around, I guess. Today's final firefighter feature leaves the poop and pyrotechnics behind and focuses on what firefighters are really famous for. Beefcake calendars. I mean, courage in the face of danger. Four Eden Prairie firefighters are being honored

as true hometown heroes after risking their lives to save a nine-month-old infant from a burning townhouse. The U.S. Attorney's Office recognized the crew with its Freedom 250 Hometown Hero Award, celebrating Americans whose courage and service are making a difference as the nation approaches. It's 250th anniversary. That's pretty nice.

Yeah, pretty awesome. I'll probably never be a hometown hero. Oh, I bet you will. I don't think so. I think you've got potential. You know what? I don't even want to be the hometown hero. I don't.

I kind of want to be the heel. The villain? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Maybe I'll win hometown heel someday. That would be a greater honor for you, I bet. Certainly. If today's your birthday, you share it with Kevin Hart, who's 47.

I'll be dipped. And Sylvester Stallone, 80. Whoa. That can't be right. No. 80 and kicking. That can't be friggin' right. Before we go here, good luck to Dusty Blades, Jesus.

He said he drank so many summer shandies yesterday. He might just poop a lemon. Oh, no. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Riders. on the half-ass morning show Now it's been so long I wonder if we'll still recognize each other's voices

Welcome back to the pro-Gramski The ass man Good morning Hi Randy Shaver Nice to hear you Nice to hear from you too Son to lonely boys out there too I bet you somewhere is Brad writer

Hello Brad. Yeah Good morning from the shores of Norway Lake You were on the shores of You're on vacation Well, kind of. I'm sort of on vacation all summer. Oh, wait a minute. I forget. Yes. According to my wife. Every day's vacation for grad. Yeah, you are a college professor, and it is summertime. So, yeah, you don't need to do Dick Tracy for quite a stretch of time.

You're calling from the cabin. Appreciate you checking in with us. We were off a little longer than we originally planned. We've apologized a couple times this morning for going missing, but, you know, like I said earlier, sometimes things. go sideways. And then they go sideways again. So thanks to our listeners for their patience and you two as well. We never even got a chance

before all hell cut loose around here. We never even had a chance to express ourselves about the friggin' wolves and the lamello balls and the Nas Reed and the this and the that and every damn thing. Mm-hmm.

I still don't really know how I feel. Excited on one hand. I'm excited on one hand because they went for it and went and got this high-scoring point guard that they've been in search of since, I don't know, Terrell Brandon. I don't know. Since Sam Cassell, but also losing a beloved character like Nas Reid has been difficult on a lot of people. people, myself included. So we never even had a chance to talk about it. You guys, go ahead.

Well, I'll just... Randy, you go first. I'll just say from my perspective, I mean, obviously, La Mello Ball is a great talent. There comes some questions. First of all, will we be able to stay on the court for an extended period of time? That's probably the biggest issue. I don't think anybody questions the guy's talent.

he certainly can help Ant in a lot of different ways open the floor up and maybe open up Ant a little bit more but in a conference where big men are a premium the wolves have now lost both Nas Reed and Julius Randall and not really replaced them with size not yet at least well not yet but they're running out of options too. So, and the last thing I'll say is, once again, they've given up a lot of

a lot of picks, a lot of potential down the road in this trade. So there's a lot of questions about it. I don't think, again, I don't think anybody questions whether ball can play. He can. Can he stay on the court?

That's going to be, that's going to be, that's going to be the real, the one that everybody's going to be watching and whether his ankles hold up at all those kind of things. Oh, the ankles. But they've got to find other pieces because that in itself just isn't enough to me. It's not enough. Here's where I don't have a problem with. I'm kind of like you, Nick.

I'm not quite sure what to think of it yet, and I probably won't until the season starts. But here's where I don't have a problem with it. I like the fact that we have a general manager, president, whatever. whatever you want to call him in town who's willing to push all the chips in and make changes to try to win a championship. That much, I don't think we, in my lifetime, we haven't seen that hardly at all. And I like the fact that he's willing to do that. So that's what I like.

You're right, Brad. I was just going to say quickly, you're right. I mean, most GMs, they just want to be good enough to keep their job. Yeah, right. And he's not, he's not afraid to do that. And I respect the heck out of him for that. Word. But here's where I'm not quite sure about it.

The person at, like Randy mentioned, the injury prone, that's part of it. Personality, if this goes sideways, I don't see those two coexisting. I think they're going to have to. Those two meaning Edwards and balls? Yeah. If they win, I think it's going to be fine. If they don't, I think it's going to implode rather quickly, meaning after. or maybe like a season or two.

Yeah. And so that's where I'm not sure about it yet from my perspective. The picks thing, I used to be kind of on board with, you know, Randy's opinion about they don't have any picks because they don't. I look this up. They don't have a pick. They don't have control over a pick now until 2034. Oh, my God.

That's holy. They literally, no, I'm not kidding. They don't have control over their own pick until 2034. So it's all in. We're going for it. right now and then after that? Yeah. Right. Well, here's what's going to happen.

If it does go sideways, and I hate to say this because people are going to say, oh, Brad's already predicting they're going to trade Edwards, but that's not what I'm saying. But in a couple of years, if this goes sideways, they'll get those picks back when they trade a couple people like Edwards away. They'll get their picks back. So it's all or nothing, baby.

Yeah. And that's, like you said, that's cool. We like how this guy's kind of a gunslinger, this Tim Connolly. Do I have the name right, Tim Connolly? Yeah, sounds right. Gunslinger type, not afraid to pull some deals. He wants to get it done now. He sees the window of opportunity there now.

But, I mean, the only opportunity we really had to talk about this was the day the trade was made, right at the ass end of our show. Right. And then we went on vacation and all these other terrible things happened. And I think all I really got to say out loud because we were going off air was, this balls kid better be working. worth it. He better be worth it. And he can be squirrely at times. He doesn't mind start in trouble with opponents and the referees.

I like that. He doesn't mind starting a little trouble. He likes to cuss on television. I like that. He has a good time away from the court as well. Oh, geez. Get ready for a little bit of that action. Good or bad time to be a traffic cop.

He likes fast cars and raising hell and whatnot. The dad's already piping off on a few things. So you're going to like that, I'm sure, next. I'm going to love that guy. What's his name again? LeVar? Yep.

I like LeVar. But it's, I mean, I don't know. There's so much information here in front of me concerning that deal. People are still talking about it. You mentioned that. I mean, it's now or never. Now, I've read a couple reports that say they're not done. There's going to be another move before we still.

start the basketball season. We'll see. Now, one of those moves... They're saving a roster spot. Yeah, you're probably leading into this. They're saving a roster spot for you know who. The Timberwolves think they're legitimately in the running for LeBron James. I would love if that circus came to town. I don't see that happening. It says here they've ramped up their attempt to sign LeBron.

It would be amazing for one year to have that circus, and that's exactly what it would be. But I just don't see it. They've apparently been calling LeBronski on the telephone saying, listen here, here's your shot at teaming up with Anthony Edwards, Lamello's balls, Jaden McDaniels, and Rudy Gobert to go after the kind of championship that could end any discussion about who is the greatest player of all time. That's the pitch that I read they're throwing at LeBron. They're telling him that the appeal of winning a championship in Minnesota could come off like,

when Kauai Leonard won a title in Canada and instantly became a Toronto Raptors legend. They're smart, that's their sales pitch. They're not going to pitch the beaches in Minnesota and February, so they might as well go after that. And they're not pitching some big contract either. It's a slotted contract that, I mean, that's where LeBron is right now. So in those terms, and correct me if I'm wrong,

among all the teams that are courting LeBron, the contracts are basically the same. They're slotting him at like $15 million. So it's not like somebody's going to outspend the other person. At least that's my understanding. So it really comes down to where does LeBron want to go? Who does he want to play with? And where does he see the opportunity to win?

I think it's kind of far-fetched to imagine that LeBron James wants to wrap. wrap up his career, freezing his dick off here in the Twin Cities, but, oh, would it be fun? He is from Ohio. Well, Cleveland is one of those teams. Miami's the other. I don't think he's... To play with Janus, but Denver is the other, which I think is interesting.

Oh, that'd be annoying. That he would be on the same court as Yolkich. I thought it was pretty interesting now a lot of teams are interested in Brani, you know, just to get Dad to show up too. Unbelievable. By the way, he'd be here too. Well, the last story I read was that Brani ain't going anywhere. He's going to stay in Los Angeles. And, I mean, that's a fun comedy bit.

You know, I'm happy to talk about the possibility of Brani following his dad, wherever LeBron goes. I love that bit. But the word is, he's going to stay in Los Angeles. What blows my mind is that Brony James. next year will make $2.3 million. And he's no more effective on the basketball court than frigging cubby would be if you put a pair of tennis shoes on him and pushed them out there. I got my basketball shorts on in case you guys need my jump shot.

I hate your basketball shorts. So, yeah, I mean, there's that story going around that they're pushing for LeBron. F. and James. By the way, Mike Conley has agreed to do. a contract with the Boston Celtics. And I know this is all fairly old news, but we haven't had an opportunity to talk about it, so don't jump down our throats. I'm going to miss Mike Connolly, Jr.

I love him a lot. Bones Highland is going to stick around. I think the fact that the Timberwolves are even in the conversation leads to my point a little bit like we have finally a guy in charge who's willing to push all the chips in the middle. We've never been in this conversation for a player like this before. Right. So the fact that we're actually in the conversation for it.

It's fun. It's fun. Oh, dudes. Now, there were some other major deals in the NBA since we were gone where the Philadelphia 76ers acquired Jalen Brown from the Boston Celtics. Los Angeles Lakers picked up Walker Kessler from the Utah Jazz. What? Okay.

Kawhi Leonard has switched teams again. This and that. And John Murray? I would have preferred Jailen. Brown to ball personally. Jalen Brown instead of Lamar's Balls? Or what's this name again? What's

the kid's name again? Jalen Brown teaming up with Ant? That would have been pretty amazing. Oh yeah. Yes. That would have excited me. Oh, that would have been crazy. I already forgot Ball's name. What's his name again? Lamello? Lamello. Sorry, there's five, six of them. Sorry, I forgot. But they probably would have had to give up McDaniels in order to do that. There's no way you're getting Jalen Brown

unless you give up Jaden. Yeah. Yep. And we're never going to do that, hopefully. Yep. Lots been going on. Yeah, there's a lot of, there's been a lot of movement in the NBA. Mm-hmm.

You know, which is fun because it just kind of, it makes things a lot more interesting. And it's never dull in the offseason for the NBA. There's always a lot of movement. Oh, yeah, friggin' slow-mo's gone, too. Kyle Anderson. I love Toronto. Man. All right.

I got to read this to you, even though it's just one of the most ridiculous things I've heard all week. And it revolves around. It regards the National Basketball Association. They're working on something this summer in the summer league. A new free throw gimmick. Now, this is in an attempt to speed up the game. Somebody somewhere in the NBA offices has decided that the game is starting to slow a little bit,

and they don't want to slow it down, right? That's the – every sport's looking to speed it up, speed it up, speed it up. So here's the – this is kind of confusing, so try to bear with me. They're blaming free throws for slowing the game down. Well, at the end of a game, yes. If you hadn't made the rules so friggin' soft in the first place 15, 20 years ago, you wouldn't have so many free throws, but that's a whole different argument. So here's what they're working on.

They're going to do it in the summer league. If a player is fouled, like let's say I'm fouled in the act of shooting, ball goes in and one. That will remain the same, right? I get my and one. But if I'm just foul, you know, over the limit type of a foul, right? where free throws are awarded to the player who is fouled. Now, to save time, I will only have to take one free throw,

and if it goes in, that counts for two. No. If it's a situation where it's a three-point free-throw shooting situation, you follow them in what I'm saying, where I'm going to shoot three, I will only shoot one free throw, and if it goes in, that counts for three. That's not good. Okay? There's no strategy.

Did you understand that, Josh? Because I know it's confusing. Silly. I mean, all of a sudden, free throw shooters as bad as Gopier can now be a, can shoot 100% at the foul line if they make one. That makes no sense. No. Absolutely no sense. It's never going to happen.

It's never going to happen. I like trying to implement some sort of like what baseball did with the pitch clock. You know a certain amount of time to go line up at the free throw line. I'm cool with that. and then let's go. Like instead of the two minutes of waffling between, you know, this and that. Oh, Wemba Yamba. Get them on the line and shoot it.

And if you're not there, then you don't get the shot. I think you should have five seconds to take that frigging free throw. As soon as the referee hands you the ball, instead of these seven or eight deep breaths and you dribble three times and you say a prayer and you mumbo. Give me a friggin' break. I'm with that, Bradrider. You got five seconds to shoot that frigging free throw.

So anyway, this is just a silly thing they're doing in the summer league. How stupid. That is stupid. For sure. Yeah. You'll get a one-point free throw in some situations, a two-point free throw, or a three-point free throw. Yeah, that's overthinking it for sure. Good Lord.

I'll be, by the way, on the WNBA side of things, links forward Natasha Howard and guard Olivia Miles have been named starters for their. All-Star game, the WNBA All-Star game, which comes up at the end of this month. This frigging Olivia Miles is making them all look bad. She's awesome. She's making, they're saying she's stomping out. Who are the two gals? There's the one that I love.

What's her name again? Angel Reese. And then there's the other one. Caitlin Clark. They're saying F both of them. Olivia Miles is the new real deal. Forget everybody else. They're going to start in the All-Star game.

by the way today's program again brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive Main Street and 3rd Avenue say hi to Donnie Hogbauer say hi to tiny say hi to everyone over there and we appreciate

their sponsorship a listener texted in with a complaint though he said last week I was at Hogbauer's and the misting air freshener in the bathroom gave me pink eye I don't think that was an air freshener how close were you to the dispenser I don't think he knew it was there

and all of a sudden it missed in him. You know what I mean? We had one of those here for a short time. He said it gave him pink eye. He's at the doctor's office. That can happen. Yeah. We also didn't get any opportunity to talk about what the friggin' pigs have been up to.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Right. Probably the big deal was this trade with the Calgary Flames where they got a couple of cats. who have won multiple Stanley Cups. One of them, Blake Coleman, a forward, the other. Ali Mata, a defenseman. And if I'm missing or incorrect on any of this, give me a text.

I think I have this correct. Jake Middleton's gone. And they gave up some picks also for Blake Coleman and this Oli Mata. He gave them three big picks. Yes. They gave up picks and Jake Middleton. Coleman won a couple of cups with Tampa Bay. Mata with Pittsburgh.

Coleman's kind of regarded as a great two-way forward. He can kill penalties, this and that. Mata, I'm not exactly sure what his specialty is. But this is the trade that I've been reading up and down, people saying this was a nice move, and they got a couple of players who can contribute and contribute big time. Okay, they re-signed Nick Falino.

They signed Bobby Brink. They signed up a goaltender by the name of Calvin Picard to a one-year contract. I think he came over from Ed Mental. Matt Zuccarella gone to Los Angeles. Now, this is one that people are questioning. Letting Zuccarella skate away. Despite the fact that he's 38 years old, he has been terrific overall in his career here.

he's best friends with the Russian kid. Mm-hmm. Yep. He's gone over to sign a one-year deal with the Los Angeles Kings. This is one that some people are saying, you're going to regret this one. Well, they still have to maneuver themselves, do they not? You never to sign the defenseman that they traded.

Weird Quinn, yeah. Weird Quinn. And then also, they're still in the conversation, at least for Dylan Larkin. At least that's what I keep reading. But nothing's happened on that front. yet, but I don't know if the Calgary trade makes it less of an opportunity to get Dylan Larkin or not. I don't know that, but it seems like they're, obviously, they're still figuring out Quinn Hughes. That's the number one priority for them right now.

Right. This is funny. I read this on. And they talked to New Jersey about his brother. Oh, enough with the brother for Christ's sake. Yeah. This is cute. I saw this on social media referring.

to Matt Zuccarella. This is a Kings fan talking about Zuccarella coming over to play for them. A Kings fan said he's slow as hell but he can still pass the puck especially on the power play. Hey Josh, a question from a listener.

You know those picks they gave up? They let Middleton go and they let some picks go in order to land this Coleman and Mata. Now if the Calgary Flames use those picks to draft defensemen. Technically, would those be D picks? Those would be D picks.

Okay. Joshua, no, he's the expert. I request a lot of them. He wrote the book about it, man. If I hear one more story about Weird Quinn's brother, I'm going to drink myself into a coma. And I'll say the same thing about Bill Guerin that I just said about Com. He's of that same mindset,

and that's what has made at least last year watching the Wolves and Wild Fun because you know that they are trying to not only make the playoffs and not only win a series but they're trying to win a championship. Finally. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm with that.

And it's not that I think the Quinn Hughes brother is a bad idea. I'm just tired of hearing about it, that's all. What the hell does this mean? A listener who said, sounds like the Larkin deal is done because Colorado wants Boldie? Oh, gosh.

Well, Boldie's been in the... conversation that I've read online about if they were to get Lark and Boldie would have to be part of the deal. I hope they don't do that. Yeah, let's not do that. Yeah, I hope they don't do that. No. Okay. But yes, that's one of the names that's definitely being floated around. Yeah, I think that'd be a bad idea. Yeah. Let's see here. Just trying to get to work, Jesus says new pigs defenseman Olimata will bring out the tattas. What is he, a good-looking guy or something? Josh, check out Oli Mata.

There's a lot of I's and L's and A's in his name. I think he might be a friggin' swede. But anyway, why do they say that he's going to bring out the tattas? Must be a ladies' man. Okay. He's a woodman? Looks like your standard fin. Okay.

Oh, he's a fin? Yeah. Oh, thank God. It looks like your standard fin. Yeah, it's just the, that's the base model you're saying? Yeah, yeah. I mean, honestly, look at a picture. I mean, just...

The base model Flynn. Trade the Swedes. You want this hockey team to go somewhere, you trade the Swedes. Boy, and there's one picture here where he looks like our old intern, TJ. Oh, my God. He'll bring out the Todd-Tor. Let me see this now. Oh, my God, he does look like our old intern.

Oh, my, that's freaky. It is freaky. And that dude, TJ didn't bring him. bring in any tata. He still hasn't seen any, I don't think. No, I don't think so. The teen, no, we can tell some stories now, couldn't we? Now that we brought up T-J, T-to-the-J, otherwise known as the Teen Androthal.

That's my favorite nickname for him. We had their nicknames of Teen and Rithal. Really big kid. Oh, he was this big, oafish, clumsy 16-year-old kid with his underwear is hanging out the back of his pants. It drove me crazy. dirty underwear hanging out of the he was around during that trend

when you had the big giant oversized corn pants like the band corn and then his drawers these stinky drawers hanging out of the back I can picture the type trade the friggin Swedes and you'll be all right okay as we've said before

we have to be careful not to be too positive about the twins the folks who get off on hating them will assume that we have our heads up, our asses, and we aren't aware of any of the obvious negative issues that this team has been going through with the last year or two. So again, to appease that group of people,

the twins suck, the pollads have ruined all of our lives. None of this will actually matter to anyone. This year's twin team doesn't matter at all, none of it. Because the poll ads have ruined our lives. But with all that said, it was cool to see him take two or three, two out of three, I should say, from the stupid Yankees this past weekend. They won two or three in New York.

They haven't done that in 12 years. Rather impressive. Twelve years, Covey. It took the right time to play them. I think they had just got swept by the tigers right before the twins got there, too. Yeah, they're stumbling pretty good. I love to see it. Joe Ryan was terrific yesterday.

Nine strikeouts. Joe Ryan made the All-Star game. team, right? He did. He's one of the pitchers. He and Buck. Buck's going to be a starter. Yeah. Outstanding. He deserves every bit of it. Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Ryan yesterday was the first twin to pitch at least seven scoreless innings for the twins at Yankee Stadium since Johan Santana did it in 2000-ought-5. Wow. They won yesterday. What was it? Six to one. Six to one. Now, Buxton did leave the game. He re-aggravated some hip injury. But it wasn't being talked about too seriously yesterday,

so I guess I have high hopes that it's not the end of all time. Right. And again, none of this matters because the Polads have ruined our lives. The boys do get to play some home games now. They start up a series tomorrow night against the Cleveland Guardians. The injury is the same one that's kept him out recently for a few games. So I think this is worth keeping a little bit more of an eye on. I think he missed four games a few weeks ago with the same injury.

The hip injury. Yeah, if this is going to be a nagging thing, it could be a problem. Yeah, you never know. Now, how about this Marlins pitcher yesterday? He's not the first, and he's not the last. He will not be the last. Uri Perez was only six outs away from pitching a perfect game, and his manager pulled him smooth off the bump and out the ball game.

It would have been the first perfect game in Miami Marlins franchise history, but he's just returning from injury. They got him on a pitch count. And they have to do that because he's their young star pitcher, and he's been in and out of the IL all season long. So as sad as it is that he didn't get a chance to pitch all the way through, the Marlins have to do that. I mean, he's just, he's their guy.

So you're saying you would have pulled that move? Well, I mean, if I'm hard for me to make that decision myself. I'm just saying I understand why they do. Yeah, we all do. Because he's there, he's their Joe Ryan. He's their star player. We've heard that song and dance many times, but I still think it's frigging just a shame

that the kid doesn't get to go for a perfect game because we might have a chance to win a couple games in the playoffs. It's a damn shame. Perfect game! But they also had a chance to get a combination perfect game slash no hitter yesterday. They almost lost the game. They almost ended up losing the game.

Yeah, they were up eight. Nothing and almost lost it. I feel bad for the kid. That sucks. So the full Big League All-Star team rosters have been revealed now. 26 first timers. We can get to this. We can get into this in greater detail some other time if you want to.

But like we already mentioned, Byron Buxton is a starter. Joe Ryan's been named to the American League team. That's coming up July 14th. What the hell is the date today? It's a week away. Sixth. Christ Almighty.

week from tomorrow. Week from tomorrow. The All-Star game. I still really enjoy the Major League. Yeah, you're going to see a lot of new young faces. Yeah. Which is fun. Well, they said 26 first timers already. And they ain't done yet. You know, guys are going to bow out

and this and that, so there could be even more. Dana tells us tonight is the effing night for the United States men soccer team playing in that dopey tournament. He says, this is it. Do or die. Team USA versus I don't know who it is. Belgium.

The Waffles. The Waffles? Oh, Belgium. Oh, I thought maybe you were going to make some kind of a sickening blue Waffle joke or something. What are their chances, Dana? They're favored to win. They're favored to win, he says. And after some controversial news yesterday, Flo Balligan, who got a red card. in the previous game against Bosnia. I'm sorry, who?

Flo Balagan. Flo Balagan. Is that the full name of a player on Team USA? Yes. First name Flo. Mm-hmm. Last name, Balagan. Mm-hmm.

He got a red card in the game against Bosnia. It was very controversial, so he's got to be out for the next game. Until yesterday, FIFA said, no, it's cool. He can go ahead and play. So there's some people kind of upset behind the scenes, like this seems kind of shady. They gave him a Wemba-Yamba? Basically, yeah. I've got to look this guy up.

Flo. Bal. You better spell it for him, Dana. Baligan. Oh. Flerrin. Yeah, everybody calls him Flo, though. Okay, Phelaren is his full name.

That's what I was trying to figure out. Gotcha. What's his full name? Faleran. Very talented guys. He's got three goals already in the World Cup. You'll come in great handy tonight for sure. Now, this is really interesting.

So he's going to play despite he got a red card. Yep. This is really interesting. His name is Phelaren Balligan, but his middle name is Jerry. Right? Doesn't seem to fit. No. Jerry or Gerald?

Jerry. Yeah, spelled like Tom and Jerry. I'll have my eye on this guy tonight. By God, I will. So this is a quarterfinal game? Yes, it is. No, it's 16. I guess I don't know the math

Yeah there's 16 teams left So is that quarters or is that Okay It's around to 16 Well all that really matters is It's do or die from here on out Yes Right

Right Right When and you keep going Losing and you send your ass home Right And you're in the final eight tonight Yeah Here's something that people are googling

Online they want to know the answer to this Do male soccer players Wear sports bras Some of them do Yeah It's way to track the heart rate and how much distance they've traveled and all that kind of stuff. Sports bros.

Hmm. Is there somebody on the sideline that keeps track of how much they're... Oh, yeah, absolutely. They have analytical people that look at all that stuff and determine when a guy might be spent when, you know, rather than just the eye test, they have actual hard data. I got you. How fast they're running and what their reaction time is, you know,

20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 minutes into a match. Oh, yeah, they try. all that stuff. Yeah, they look more like tank tops, but yeah, sometimes people have noticed when they take their shirts off to exchange jerseys after a match. They're like, wait, why is that dude wearing a braw? God dang. Yeah, there's this, the latest article here on what new soccer fans are Googling, you know, because there's a great deal of people who are watching this tournament. who don't know Dick Tracy about soccer,

they would never watch it regularly. So they're curious about different things. One of them was do male soccer players wear sports bras? I guess the answer is yes. The other questions weren't terribly interesting. I'm trying to find a good one, Josh. Was there another good one in here? Not really.

No, that was the big one. Sports bra. I mean, I guess to show how a lot of people don't watch it, Another big one was, is the U.S. good at soccer? Oh. Sometimes. Not as often as some other clubs might be, I guess. Or as often as their women counterparts.

Oh, right. The women's team's really good. They've won four World Cups. Holy heck. So Mexico played England last night. Oh, it was an absolute classic. Great. Great. I watched that. Oh, yeah. Who won?

England. All right. In Mexico City. Exactly. India Azteco, which is one of the hardest. venues to play in, even at any rate, we're really on a World Cup match. What do they call the joint?

The Azteca. Oh, that you said, L. Asteca. L.Steca, yeah. Wasn't there a Mexican food joint in here? Yeah. Anyway, this was cute, so they're playing in Mexico, and all the Mexican soccer fans rushed over to the hotel where the English players were trying to get some sleep,

and they just raised all different levels of hell trying to keep these poor bastards awake all night. They made a nice effort. England still won the game. But I understand the videos were pretty impressive of how many F-N-people showed up to bust the balls of the English players while they were trying to sleep in their hotel room. And the craziest thing, too, is that England was anticipating this. So they booked 15 different hotels to try to throw them off the scent as to which one they would actually be in. Yep. Yeah.

It reminds me of that old hockey story from the 72 Summit series where the Canadian and the Russians were playing for superiority, I guess you would say. And I'll say it again, if you can find the documentary online about that Summit series. It was the most lawless tournament you can imagine. It was so crooked. It was so violent. It was so beautiful. So the Canadian guys had to go play a handful of games in Russia.

And Phil Esposito is one of the main players from that Canadian club, who was interviewed during this documentary. and he said the phone never stopped ringing. And they believed it was Russian authorities calling their hotel room all night, every night, just to try to keep them from getting a good night's sleep. The KGB stole all of their beer. They were just almost made insane, by the way, they were treated over there,

but it was all this gamesmanship type stuff. Yep. This was a hilarious video that I saw from the World Cup. A dude went to see a game there in Dallas, Dallas, Texas. Argentina was one of the clubs involved. Dude lost his wallet during the friggin' soccer game at the stadium there in Dallas. And Argentina fans found it, and this is the way they got the guy's attention so he could come and fetch his wallet. They started chanting this guy's name like they do with those different soccer chants, you know, in the stadium.

them. They chanted the some bitch's name until he heard him and came over and fetched his wallet. It was an awesome video. Juan Manuel Montero. So I should have mentioned this. The guy's name was Juan Manuel Montero. And that's just the ass end. They chanted this and chanted this and chanted this. They're on each other's shoulders and whatnot. Hollering this. Can you imagine the guy is thinking, hang on a second. is the entire Argentina fan base chanting my damn name? That's hilarious.

They just switched from chanting Messi's name to chanting my name. Well, I better get out there. And he shows up, the guy shows up, he's like, why is everybody, and then they all cheered, as you heard, gave him his wallet back. That video was funny. Nice work on their part, those folks. Oh, God, what else is going on around here? Okay, so we won't miss that game tonight.

What time's that game tonight? Seven o'clock. Seven o'clock. Where's it being played? Seattle. Seattle. Gotcha. Did you guys know that one of the big fat-ass party houseboats from the bangboat scandal is up for sale?

Yeah. I saw that. It's less expensive than I would have thought. What price tag did you see on that pick? Like 150 grand or something? Yeah. I have a great idea for that boat. I think the Vikings should buy it and put it outside the new.

performer, the new training center in Egan, kind of like they had that old Viking ship and Need Prairie. They should float it in the pond out there by the training facility. That's a great idea. And maybe during training camp you have Fred Smoot and Brian McKinney come back and kind of give tours like, well, see, right over here, if you notice this booth. Don't run away from it. Embrace it. Yeah.

It is the most significant moment in Vikings history. That's just what it is. you can argue that if you want but you'd be wrong the bang boat is the most significant moment in viking's history so i agree with both ideas anchor that pig in a pond out front the practice facility or just put it up on the lawn like dana was saying like they had the viking ship for all those years in eden prairie put some wheels on it yeah bring it in a parade sure oh yeah make it mobile have the team come out of the new metronome like the starters on the boat yes embrace them

this. So, yeah, there were two bangboats way back then in October of 2005, the legendary bangboat scandal. There were two of them, one of them's for sale. Yeah, if this company had any money, it'd be cool to buy that and make it part of our booze cruises. Oh, wow. Just to have that.

Oh, my God. $150,000. We could make it like some sort of, like a museum where we put up signs on different things we heard happened. have a black light room go in at your own risk, that kind of thing. They threw a gang bang on that damn thing. It should be embraced.

I'm surprised the listing I saw didn't mention the Vikings. Oh, yeah? Why the hell would they not? Oh, yeah, they got to lean into that aspect. I thought so too. The articles written about it certainly did. I don't know what the hell the name of the boat

was when all the Vikings had sex on it, but they changed the name to mischievous is the name of the boat. 30 different Vikings players had sex on that boat. They flew in hookers from multiple states. It was just incredible. They say after the bangboat scandal, the boat wound up in Okabogi, Iowa,

and it offered up tours and whatnot down there, but now it's up for sale. Lust. It ended up in Iowa, then it's sailing on international waters. Yes. I think he's where he says skull. I love that part.

Although it's not for free to go. Pick a lawn and go pee. Fun. Your nipples and tickle your poop deckdress. I want to ride that thing. Yeah, I'd like to see that take its rightful place. Over there at, what do they call the new joint where they work out? TCL?

Sure. Right over there. Daniel will get a kick out of this. We got a couple of notes here on the Buffalo Bills. As far as their new stadium goes, they've got a brand new stadium. Sure do. Opening this year, right? Yep.

They've decided to leave O.J. Simpson out of it. Way back in 1980, the bills created a wall of fame like a lot of different ball clubs do. to honor former players and administrators and coaches and that whole mess. They tossed a player's name up on the wall. O.J. Simpson was the very first player to be inducted to the old ballpark's Wall of Fame. But he will not be honored at the new ballpark.

You know what I'm picturing Nick when they're talking about, gosh, should we do it, shouldn't we do it? The scene out of the new naked gun. Dude. Where OJ. Son just shakes his head at Dad. That was the. trailer that got me to go see that movie in the theater. I didn't see it in theaters, but me too. Saw that trailer and I thought, okay, this is going to be worth watching. Frank Dreben's son

looks up at the picture of Frank and says, love you, dad. You know, I'm going to go out and do you proud. Frank's, what do they call it in the police business? His co-pilot, his partner, thank you. Frank's partner looks up at the picture of his dad, Ed, and says kind of the same thing. Week sent the picture doing this for you, Dad. Nordberg, played by O.J. Simpson, Nordberg's son looks up at the picture of Nordberg O.J. on the wall, shakes his head. I'm like, I got to see that movie. I'm not saying anything. No, no. Don't share the same sentiment, pops. Well, so when you were there a couple times recently, OJ's name was still on the wall up there, how did they do that for all those years? How did they, How did that go

Yeah, I don't know By the wayside for all those years I feel like if they were going to leave it up In the old place Why not just leave it up in the new place? I don't know Yeah, I can see why it'd be different now I just can't believe that it remained up until now

Yeah After everything we knew about OJ Simpson It stayed there Maybe they're too lazy to do anything about it Well, that's awful lazy Yeah They're going to have a ribbon-cubbing I'll get there

ribbon-cutting ceremony for their new stadium coming up in a couple of weeks. Looks gorgeous, of course. It's excited. I'll be able to afford to go to a game again about five or six years. Oh, they're raising the ticket prices? Oh, yeah, and just the resale prices, too, for, I think.

Or just outrageous. Here's a list of your texting in it and says, what? Just for the murdering his wife thing? Relax, everybody. I think that's part of it, yeah. What? He says. What? And then there's a kid named DJ Moore now playing football.

football for the Buffalo Bills. Wide receiver, I guess he spent some time in Chicago. He played for the Rams. He played for the Argonauts. He was walking around a mall somewhere in the neighborhood. And he saw that a bunch of his t-shirt jerseys were for sale at this mall, DJ Moore. He bought every damn one of them, cost him $1,200. And then he said to the kids.

cashier up front, who didn't recognize him, by the way. I mean, not like DJ. Who the hell? I wouldn't know DJ Moore if I was banging him. But says to the cashier, he says, hold these pigs up here at the front desk. If anybody comes in and asks for a DJ Moore T-shirt jersey, give them to them, tell them it's on me.

That is a cool story. I wonder if the manager said, you know what, I could double dip on these. Yeah, no way. Free money. Nobody's looking, right? Right. He handed the cashier $1,200, bought every one of those T-shirt jerseys,

and said, if anyone walks in and wants one, it's on me. And the cashier says, well, who the hell are you? And he says, well, I'm D.J. I'm the guy. I thought of such a good story. Yeah, your first clue would have been the fact that he was buying all of them, probably, but, yeah. That's cute. And before we go, it's time, gentlemen.

It's damn near time to pump out some of that. That bird. Our second annual bro stout cancer event at the WISTA American Legion comes up Friday, July 31st. Second time around. We did very well the first time. I would hate to screw it up now. We did so well. Please don't.

Screw it up? Well, you could F it up just as well as the rest of us could, Ray. Right, Josh? It's possible. He's over here talking like he's above effing this up. Our regular doctor guest, Dr. P, he worked so hard at that thing, he required surgery afterwards. True story. Now, that's a true story.

He handed out so much broasted chicken with those tongs, right? Because you can't just bear hand it. This isn't Iowa, Randy. You can't bear hand the chicken. No, I get it. He pinched those tongs so many times at our first broasted out cancer. Carpal tunnel? That's right.

Was it carpal tunnel? I think that's what he said, yeah. Blew out his elbow. There was blood everywhere. Oh, my God. So here's the deal. Go ahead to our website and get yourself a ticket. All the profits, all the profits benefit the Randy Shaver Cancer and Community Fund,

advancing cancer research and patient care in Minnesota. She's a buffet dinner, July 31st, served from 5.30 to 8 p.m. $20 gets you your ticket. That'll get you the all-you-can-eat-christed chicken, potato, Lanahan's coleslaw, dinner roll. It'll get you your entry into all our prize giveaway drawings that evening. And there'll be a 50-50, split-the-pot raffle, silent auction. We're expecting damn near every one of us to be there.

I don't, I mean, Brad Ryder, I don't know your availability on July 31st. I will definitely look into it. Hopefully I can be there. But we're talking every member of this year radio program. We're going to try to get Jungle Jane, C. Willie Miles, both our doctors, P.N. Johnston, if we can, to help out on this. You go to 93x.com, go to calendar and station events to buy your tickets. We're also looking, if you want to donate something to our silent auction, we welcome that. And there's also a link there to make a donation if you'd like if you can't make it to the event.

Already bought my tickets. Fabulous. I think you were the first one. Yeah. always got to be the first one. I wanted to make sure to get them before they sold out. That silent auction has me thinking. I just came across one of my youth soccer jerseys.

Maybe I could autograph that and put it a nice little frame. Please do. With your jocks. Did you buy up all your soccer jerseys? Give them away to fans? Yeah. Yes, exactly. It's funny that you mentioned that, Dana, because in past years,

at the Wise of Allegion, we've had Super Bowl parties that were like, not official. Just a few of us regular drunks would try to organize something to do during the Super Bowl. So I actually brought some of my hockey jerseys to auction off. One of them was the jersey where I scored my 1,000th point in my beer league career, and I autographed it and some old drunk paid 20 bucks for it. That's so funny. Hey, every dime counts, right, Randy Shaver?

Oh, for sure. So if we could sell one of your sweaty old soccer jersey, if you had some of your football jerseys, that'd be great because you said you never went on the field. No, yeah, yeah, they would be pristine still. Totally perfect condition. Oh, you just buy this off the rack? Right.

So we'll be giving you further heads up on this, but it was time today. We figured it be a good time to dump out all that info for the first time. July 31st, why is that American Legion our brost out cancer? Second annual event. I'm going to keep this paperwork, Josh. I'm going to keep this. Good idea.

We need the info. I'll need that again. All right, boys. And we even went a little overtime today. Thanks, Randy Shaver and Brad. Nice to have you back. Well, we're happy to be back. Nice to hear your voices again.

We'll talk to you very soon. And we'll take a break. We'll be back here in a couple of minutes. 9.3. Ah, air conditioning. The love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good.

What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better.

Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The 93-X half-ass morning show. Well, I'll be damned. We've made it up to 832. I wasn't sure we could get it done. But by damn, here we are.

On the 93X half-ass morning show, again, thank you for your patience. We missed a little more time than we originally planned last week. Sometimes things happen. And there ain't a damn thing you can do about it. So we appreciate you sticking with us. A lot of folks have been texting in asking about Smashley. She's had some personal things that need to be. her attention over the last couple of weeks, but we're hoping we can get her carcass into the building tomorrow.

That's what we're shooting for. That's her plan. Yeah, that would be awesome. Yep. Miss her, big time. Big time. Speaking of our time off, while we were off last week, a lot of you have texted in and welcomed us back. We appreciate that a lot.

While we were off last week, some of our listeners also took vacation. One of them texted in, Josh, to say, that he took a train. to a place called Boner Machine Island. Boner Machine Island. Yes, and he says, everyone there said they knew you. What's the suggestion there? Suggestion, I think, is that despite your constant denial, I think the suggestion is that you are a boner machine.

I am not a boner machine. You just won't let it go. Won't let it go. All right, it's Booze Cruise Week. We've mentioned that a couple times today. We're loading up for the big boat ride. Friday. Some of you might choose to drink on the boat.

Let's talk drinking real quick. By the way, the motto for this year's booze cruise post-independence Day booze cruise is, let's be adults about this. But still, I know some of you will probably choose to drink. I wonder if my recently became a druggie wife will have one of those THC sells. I guess I don't know if they sell those on the boat or not. She told me she had one, but she lied. I found out she's had two.

Two of those on her recent cabin trip. You were telling us recently, yeah, your wife has consumed a couple of THC seltzers. She's a drug addict. She's a drug addict. She's a drug addict. She's an addict. She couldn't stop at one. She had two over the weekend.

And she's like a druggie now. I'll keep an eye on her. So I don't know. Do they sell those? Anybody know? I know they have selters. I mean, a lot of bars sell them. I don't know if the boat specifically.

sells them or not. I sure hope not because I don't think she can resist the temptation. She's that hooked, huh? I know it wasn't that long ago this morning. I was talking about my beer league hockey career, thousand points. One of the most interesting conflicts I ever had on the ice, Josh, was I was playing defense in one particular game. You know the scene. The opposite club puts a shot on goal. Our goaltender is kind of struggling to cover the puck. So what's my role as a defenseman? I put a body into their nearest forward so he couldn't get at that lose puck and try to poke it past our goaltender. Our goaltender eventually froze to puck.

The whistle blows. I'm still kind of bodying this forward to keep them away from Vinny, our netminder. And the forward says to me, get off me, druggy. I even had to say, I said, druggy. I do love that term. What are we in seventh grade? Anyway, booze cruise Friday. Can't wait.

I was jaw jacking with some old pals last night about some. drinking laws. And one that was brought up I hadn't heard before. And I'm going to need some help from either are you boys or maybe our listeners know.

Now, obviously, if you're a grown person, 21 and up, and you host some kind of party and underage people are there drinking, you can obviously get in trouble for contributing to minors, right?

Yeah. That was something that my brother and I almost got in big trouble for a few times when we were 21 hosting these big keg parties. And sure, there were people at the party who were 2019, 18. Cops threatened us many times because they'd always have to come and break up the party. And they'd say, hey, look, you guys are of age now. You can't be hosting the, we're going to get you. They never pulled the trigger. Times have changed.

And I get all of why that's a thing. I do. I understand why grown folks might be punished for such a thing. But someone last night at the bar said, and this is where we're not sure about it, and maybe we could get an answer, someone said there's something going on nowadays where even if mom and dad leave town for the weekend and their underage kid has a party and it goes sideways, that mom and dad, who are out of town, could even get in trouble for that beer park. Wow. Well, maybe.

I guess if somebody got hurt at their house, they could be sued or something. I don't know about legal trouble. So you don't know anything specific? No. Okay. I'm just throwing that out there. If anyone knows any specifics on that, that grabbed me last night when we were talking about drinking. I thought, wait a minute.

Mom and dad are in Chicago or something? The teenage kids here in Minnesota throws a party. Mom and dad can get in trouble for that? Man, that would be awful. I mean, we had parties busted up in high school, too, but I don't remember anything like that happened where the parents were on the hook for something. something else we discussed and I don't know

how heavily this is pushed now here in the state of Minnesota but I remember it being a big conversation something like 10 years ago where okay the scenario is this Cubby's behind the bar he's a bartender

he's serving me and many many other people I drive drunk out of the bar getting a car rec, Cubby can get in trouble for that as the bartender who served me. I've heard that before. Yes. I don't hear a lot

of it anymore. Like I said, I heard more noise about it 10 years ago. I remember talking to a bartender about that, asking him what he thought about it. And he said, well, of course, the tough part is I don't know 90% of the people who are here. If it's a big crowd,

I'm not going to remember how many drinks I've served this person. And if they're a complete stranger, I don't know how to tell by looking at them if they're drunk. Right, and say somebody could have had 12 beers at bar A, they go to bar B, they have one beer, and then they go home. Right. And that happens. Right.

And like you said, on a busy night, I mean, I might not remember seeing the same person a couple times. You're not going to be counting folks' drinks. But obviously, if somebody's barely holding their head up, that's a different story. So these are a couple of the conversations we had last night. How did you get into that? Oh, I don't know. We're just five guys in their mid-50s. I think we probably were talking.

about old days, old drinking days when we were kids. And someone probably brought up how different it is now to be a young drinker or to be a married couple or whatever. To be a grown person and have kids who drink,

you know, the different troubles that can cross your way. Well, on the topic of bartenders getting in trouble for overserving, quote-unquote, Tatted Mama Sheezer said they teach you that bartending class. Okay. So you're aware. That still just doesn't seem fair to me at all. Yeah, unless it's totally obvious.

I mean, you're serving an adult. Right. You know, not forcing it down their throat. No, no. What it do, Jesus said, oh, I could get my bartender to pay my lawyer fees. Is that what you're saying? Now, here's a deputy sheriff who texted in and he said, I've never heard of the parents getting in trouble for kids throwing a party while they're out of town.

Okay, good. Good. It's just something that was brought up last night, and I wasn't sure if it was a real thing. This is exactly what I'm looking for. So this is a sheriff deputy he must know. Another deputy said he has heard. Oh, here we go. He has. Yeah, and he sent a link to social ordinance from Dakota County. Wow. Okay. Well, thank you. Thank you for helping us out.

Okay, so the Board of Commission's in Dakota County intends to discourage underage possession and consumption of alcohol, even if done, within the confines of a private residence and intends to hold persons criminally responsible who host events or gatherings for persons under 21 possess or consume alcohol. Okay, so there you're hosting. Right. Let's see if it says anything about if they're not home. Okay.

I just thought of an example of some parents got in trouble once in a roundabout way for a kid having a party. Parents go to town, my buddy has a big party, clean up on Saturday morning, everybody's piling things in trash bags and, you know, go drop it off at the dumpster somewhere at a gas station.

the guy who was in charge of it just said, oh, screw it, I'll just throw it in that empty field. So four or five bags of trash. Cops see the bags. They go through it. They find a beer-soaked Sports Illustrated that had the address of the house on it. Yeah. And went back to the house and said, here, I think you forgot these. And the kid was like, oh, I don't know how those got there.

And it's, you know, four trash bags of just 100 beer cans each. But then mom and dad had to pay the bill, you're saying? They had to pay the littering fee. Right. Now, here's what else is going on. Okay. So we got that little mystery out there. Can mom and dad get in trouble, even if they're out of town and their kid hosts a big keg party?

Yeah, I don't see anything here yet about them being out of town. It more seems like you're aware or should be aware of what's going on. There are some texting in saying, no, no, no, mom and dad can't get in trouble if they're not there. There are others texting in saying, yes, they can. here's another that is in the works there's a city in Massachusetts called Cambridge they're considering

changes to liquor laws and one of them is limiting patrons to one drink every 30 minutes so how does it work I mean I'm not a drinker my wife a druggie how does it like when you go to a bar

is it a law where you can only get two, or is that like just depending on the bar? I've only been one time, Josh. Only one time was I at a bar, and I don't remember what the name of the joint was, but it was here in the Twin Cities. I've only been to one bar where I was three quarters done with my beer, and I said, hey, Mac, why don't you set me up with another one? And he said, not to you're done with that one.

And I said, wait a minute, what? And he said, that's our policy. I don't know if it was a law or anything. Yeah. So that's the only time I've ever been at a bar where the bartender said, you can't order another one until you're done with the one in front of you. Isn't that how it is at a ballgame? Because I remember when I was in early 20s, you'd buy a huge round of drinks or shots.

You know, you'd have a ton of shots. I've never experienced any limits at a ball game or a concert. I do know. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Maybe at concerts, they say you can only do two at a time. Yeah, one per ID or two per idea. Exactly.

You're right. As far as a bar, though, I've never, there was just that one time. As somebody who was cut off at an apple bees in Columbus, Ohio, I can say that The chain restaurants tend to run a little bit stricter when it comes to the amount of booze that will give you. They do. They don't want you taking a piss in a plant in the corner of that type of a joint. Exactly. A roadhouse might be a little more patient with you and that.

So the city in Cambridge, they're considering this, limiting customers to one drink every 30 minutes. So the big conversation is, well, how in the hell are you going to keep track of this? They've got stopwatches going behind the bar. Your mug has a little stopwatch on it? Yeah, what are they talking about? Egg timers at each table. They're talking about sand-filled hour glasses that you turn. Of course, you can manipulate the hell out of that if you want to.

Some type of smart wristband that turns colors when your time is up. Oh, man. I don't know. I mean, I get all of why these rules and policies and laws are considered. Some people ruin it for the rest of us. Just a lot of people are trying to ruin it for the rest of us, but this is all very interesting to me. All right, so people are saying in some states,

there are limits on how many you can buy it at a time. And people are texting in concerts and sporting events. That's pretty common. Sure. And some people are saying the reason they do that is it's easier to avoid selling to minors. Sure, you have somebody that's 21 buying for other people. That makes sense. Right.

Man. Yeah, a lot of Utah people texting in Utah. by one at a time. Yeah, they do things differently down there. Yes. Utah, of course, we've heard the stories about how they operate. It's all very... I don't know how the hell you keep up with this.

If I'm a bar owner or if I'm a bartender or a server, some of this stuff would be enough to make me walk out of there. I just don't have the bandwidth for that type of thing. Go ahead, sir. I was going to say, I know a couple bar owners too, and one of them, they got busted by, one of those underage stings, you know, or somebody's 19. Yeah.

And they said, that's no joke. Yeah. Like, they had to sit all the bartenders down. It was like, you check every single ID, you check every idea at the door. You check their idea at the bar when they pull up to. Everything. There was a gas station not too far for me that had to get shut down for like a month because they sold cigarettes to minors. Could have been a complete accident.

Don't know if somebody didn't check an ID on purpose or what it was. Nowadays, I'm not surprised. They take it so much more seriously than they did. 20, 25, 30, 35. I mean, I know a guy who got pinched working the liquor store. And he said they threw this

decoy at him at the busiest part of the evening. It's like 6.30 on a Friday night. There's 34 people in line with their cases of beer and bottles of wine. He's ringing them up. He's ringing them up. He's the cash register guy at the liquor store. And the local cops through this

decoy. He said this woman must have looked 40 years old, but in reality she was 20. And he did not check her ID. He never thought in a million years looking at this individual since she could have possibly been underage, but she was. He gets busted and he gets this whole talking to by the police.

I don't know if he got a ticket, but he got pulled aside and reprimanded by the boss. And he even said to the cop, he said, come on. At this time of night, you saw how many, people were in line. This is the time you choose to throw this. Come on, man. Give me a chance. Bring that character

in here when there's nobody in here. Then I will likely, you know. Also, this got to be pretty humbling for the 20-year-old. Hey, you look like you're 40. You'd be perfect for this game. Yeah, no kidding. Hey, old-looking young person. Medical device shipping Jesus said that his wife

once got cut off at a restaurant for, they had unlimited mimosa. They told her she had to stop. said he told him he was the designated driver, but they still wouldn't serve her. Apparently the table had met the limit in the computer. My God. Keeping track of how many. Where the hell did they put all that diarrhea?

That vitamin C, man, that don't get you. After all that orange juice, where do they? We got a few drinking stories here to tell before we go. A few drinking stories. Friday nights are post-independence Day booze crews. Thanks for selling the some bitch out again, those of you. who bought tickets. Thanks for selling it out. So we started talking about drinking.

A lot of folks will be drinking on Friday night. We started talking about some of these, I mean, tough to keep up with. Drinking laws change over time. Bar policies. We started talking about there are some joints that won't let you buy more than one beer at a time, or you have to finish the one in front of you before you can order another one. Two drinks per person. You can't have too many ordered right before last call.

It's just, it's a friggin' thing. People texted in with some drinking anecdotes. Yes, anytime we talk about drinking, we get a text from Wisconsin and they tell us what, Josh? That you can, your parent can buy a kid drink. Right. If you're in the bar with your parents, the parents can let you drink and you get. We know.

Josh, did you know that at Chuck. Chucky cheese they limit adults to two drinks. I didn't even know they had alcoholic beverages at Chucky Cheese, but it's been a while. Do you think we could, how long would we have to stay on the year this morning to get a legitimate story from an adult who got too drunk at Chucky Cheese? Well, you do hear stories about fights happening at Chucky Cheese at birthday parties and stuff. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if those are necessarily booze-fueled or what. A lot of it is just parents being morons.

I just, I wonder, is there anybody out there who legitimately has ever gotten too drunk at Chucky Cheese? I bet. Yeah, so I googled it because I'd never heard that. Chuckie Cheese location, some of them sell beer and wine. They call it the grown-up menu. Oh, that's funny. That is adorable. Made me think of a Zach Gallifanakis joke if you can't picture him of the guy from the hangover with the big beard.

Sure. He's on stage and he goes, yeah. With a beard like mine, it's pretty tough to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. Now, when discussing all of this, the ideas that some bars have to limit how many drinks you can buy in a night or in one shot, you know, you go up to the bar, they try to limit. I forgot about this, and I have experienced this once before. I was at a bar once, Josh, where they gave you some type of a key card. Oh, yeah. Was it like a brewery?

Yes. And then you would just approach the tap of your choosing and slide the key card. Only once did I do this. I've done that a couple times. Or I should say Ben there. I didn't personally do it. And it would charge you automatically every time you ordered a beer. I had forgotten about that gimmick.

There are a few people who texted in and said, that's one way that bars are limiting how many drinks you can get in one night or in one serving. Yeah, there's a guy here who said he was in Iwoegen bar a few weeks ago. The beer was self-serve. You had a wristband to operate the keg, and it had a time limit, and then they scan your wristband when you leave, and that's how they charge you for the beer.

I would like to see that. Yeah, I've seen the card. I know what you're talking about. It looks like a little credit card. But the wristband? Some type of wristband that operates the keg? I mean, with technology today, I can believe it. Like the keg won't operate until it's within range of that wristband or something crazy like that.

Here's a guy says on a cruise ship, you have to wait 10 minutes between ordering drinks. And this is also a key card system. 10 minutes, that don't sound so bad. The story we were reading earlier said what? There was a bar in Massachusetts that wanted to make it so you have to wait a half hour between every drink. Jesus, I know guys that go through. through three beers and a half hour. They would not last long at that friggin' establishment.

What else are folks telling us here? Yeah, card swipes, key cards. Okay. I don't like that setup because I somehow managed to not be able to pour a beer correctly. I'm sorry. When you go to the wall tap, they got all the different beers on tap and then I pour it and I always go way too much foam. I've never been any good at it. I feel like an idiot.

I think I was pretty good at this in college back in the day. Why can't I figure this out next? Unless that keg is perfectly pressurized, I struggle with it as well. I build myself this foam mattress in my glass and you have to start out. I've never been any good at that. I don't know why. I bet you have to ask questions, which one's like an American beer? Which one, you know, that kind of thing when you're at some of those places?

Because they got usually just the fancy stuff or whatever they brew. At least I've been to a couple of them and they don't have like your Miller Coors, whatever. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. In that point, then you just look for the highest ABV and go with that one. I'm not good with those taps either, generally speaking. Now, before we go, we were talking about, you know, house parties. Sometimes mom and dad can get a little squirrely and get in trouble for contributing to minors at a house party.

There's many ways to get in trouble these days, many ways. It wasn't like that 40 years ago, but times have changed. Check this one out. Here's a listener who says he was at a house party when he was a kid. Parents were out of town. Cops busted the party. very common. The cops found the dad's indoor marijuana growing setup.

Oh, no. And dad ended up going to jail when he got home from vacation. That's the other risk, right? So it was the kid's house party that led to the cops finding dad's dope. Thanks, son, our daughter. Oh, my God, I'd be frigging beyond pissed up. Oh, nice getting home from vacation. All I want to do is unwind with.

a nice joint for my marijuana plant. Where's my marijuana plant? Good Lord. All right, hell of a first day back, boys. Happy birthday to Reed, turning the big 07 today from Dad, Mustane is God, Jesus, and you're right about that. Happy 14th to Addison, and good luck at

your national dance competition this weekend from Dad Bank Examining Jesus. Happy birthday to Front End Dumploader, Jesus. Love Trina Pie. And happy 30th anniversary and happy birthday to No Butthole Play Jesus's smoking hot wife, Jody, who's also the only gilf he knows.

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