93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Jaugust

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

Originally Aired  September 3, 2026: Crooked Jess being crooked. No dry humping in football. Everything you've ever wanted to know about gluing your penis shut.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheeding.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-ass morning show. Ninety-three. There you go. We're off like a herd of turtles here on the 93X. Half-ass morning show. She's a Thursday. And this will be our only Thursday broadcast for the week.

You know what's nice, Cubby? Can we pot the music down a little bit? You know what's awful nice. When our glorious listening audience sends us a text to wish us a good morning before we've even cracked these broken microphones. That is really nice. What a nice gesture. Put a little pep in your step. It certainly does.

For example, HVAC God Jesus texted us. And he went ahead to say, good morning, boners and bonnet. I've never heard that before. And then there's mouse and cheeses, Jesus, who also sent us a message that reads, Good morning, Edge Lords. I haven't heard of that one. I like it. 651-989-93.

If you ever want to send us a text message with something cute or funny or fresh, that's our Luther-Bloomington Kia text machine, don't you know? Also brought you in part by Hogbauer Automotive. located at 3rd Avenue and Main Street. A couple of nice good morning messages before we even jumped into this nightmare. Edge machine? Edge Lord. Oh, Edge Lord.

That's right. Edge Lord. That's pretty good. Maybe I'll get into edging. When do we get along? Oh, we have a long weekend this weekend. I got plenty of time. Gross. Well, a guy talking about wanting to get into edging when he's half a century old? That's gross

Oh Dana is probably an edger I could see it Yeah Oh okay We do have a We do have a long weekend There's a lot of activities

You could get involved in Josh I'll make you out a list It's edging on it It's not going to involve edge Oh that's the top That was the top Frotch Jesus said As much as I dislike

Snapback hats He bought one yesterday At the Black Box at Rocks Thank you. Well, now, which snapback hat? Yeah, get back to us on that because there's some cool ones. 93X or the Half Fast Morning Show because it's going to make a difference in our pocketbooks. I think our hat game is really raised in the last few years.

Especially the fact that we have our very first Half Fast Morning Show hat. That was nice of the company. Kind of crazy, by the way. What I told my husband, I was like, all excited. I'm like, yeah, we have a Half Fast Morning Show hat this year. It was the first time ever. like the first time ever said does anybody think over there why has that not been a thing for years i don't know they just started to figure out that we work here for a while we were we were ignored

so i think that's part of it get back to us who was that uh fraught jesus f rotc hrotch get back to us was it a 93x hat or was it a half-ass morning show hat because if it was a 93x hat that goes into the pocket of one of these empty suits that we have in the building. If it was a half-ass morning show hat, that's beer money for the four of us. That'll make a difference in the long run about how we feel about you. I also don't really like snapback hats. They're the only ones I can wear, Josh, because of my oversized Skulldini. They're the only ones I like. A snapback? Yeah, I think fitted caps only work on a select group of people. Like, I don't know. There's like a couple people that really can make it work, but for the most part.

I don't have any fitted hats anymore. It used to be the only thing I had. Right. And snapbacks came back in a big way and I was happy because like Nick, I have such a big head that I'd be embarrassed asking the guy at the lids. Do you have like a seven and three-fourths or maybe even an eight? That's about where I'm at. The guy would be like, I could cut a couple and a half and like stitch them all together maybe, but no, I don't have hats that big. Blased Buds Jesus. I think we can all figure out what his identity might be. Blazed Buds Jesus said he went ahead and bought a half-ass morning show hat at the state fair.

Okay. Put him on the nice list, Josh. Put him on a. We got a naughty and a nice list. Put Blazed Buds over there on the good side. Oh, the listener who said he bought a hat. and I asked him, was it 93X or was it half-ass morning show? He's gotten back to us and he said, I'll tell you what it was.

It was a KQ hat. Oh, no. That's not even our station. Wolfpack Softball Jesus wants to know will the Hogbauer shirts last until tomorrow. I believe so. They have ordered a bountiful supply from what I've been told. I got some pictures yesterday. Yeah, pictures yesterday afternoon sent to me.

They were all just piled to the ceiling. Okay, good. Hopefully they last this time. See you at the Fair Friday from 10 to noon. We can get on your case about that, you know, tomorrow to give you a heads up. If you're going to the fair tomorrow, we'll be hanging out at the merch booth for a couple hours. Love to see you. Buy something.

Get the hell out. Here we are just getting started with the month of September, I've noticed. Good up to be. So the next four months, you got your September, you got your October. Uh-oh. one of us is probably going to start singing the song, right, Josh? The next four months we have the September, October, followed by November and December. You go ahead.

The last months of the year. Pardon me? Those are the months of the year. The months of the year. January, February, March, April, and now you got me singing it. May, June, July, high. Good God. August, September, October, November, December.

These are the months. of the year. That's how we taught our youngest the months of the year. Tribute. You did? Yeah. Took him a long time to figure that out, unfortunately. All credit goes to stand-up comic Kevin Meaney. Did you know that with these next four months,

having 30, 31, 30, and then 31 days in that order, some people have trouble following that, which seems strange to me. I mean, when I was a little kid, sure. Some people are challenged by that. I don't even really pay attention of that. No, I don't either. I just look at my phone and I'll be like, oh, it's the 31st.

I wonder if tomorrow is the first. Oh, it is. All right. So kind of like the folks that get thrown by daylight savings time. Oh, God, I'm so thrown off. It's daylight. I don't understand. But you're out there.

I mean, everybody's wired. different. I do wish they'd figure it out one way or another, definitively, like, this is how it's going to be. Stop asking. We're done. We're done going back and forth every year. Oh, I'm so tired because of daylight. There are people who are thrown by the next four months having 30, 31, 30, and 31 days respectively. So somebody hopped over on the evil, soulless social media and made a suggestion. They said

365 days should be divided into five equal months of 73 days. That's overthinking things. Sure, if we only pay rent like five times. Oh, I never even considered that. All right, I'm all for it. End of the month.

I thought this was a silly idea until right this second. That's the way to do it, Ashley. Okay, that comes into play in this conversation. It does. Let me just... Let me find the rest of this information for you. So again, someone has said we should divide the 365 days in the year

into five equal months of 73 days each. And they've even altered the names of these five brand new months that we're going to be dealing with. starting with Jebrewary. I'm already angry. I can't say Jeb, you won't. No, that's so dumb. Wait a minute, dude, I thought this, you would be all over this because this is so punny. Yeah, that's not really punny, though.

That's not easy and kind of stupid. Oh, I thought this would fall under the category of a pun, I guess. I don't know what I'm talking about. These five brand new months we're going to be dealing with would start with Jebruary. Maple. August? Are you behind Yogist? No.

You're not supporting Yogist at all. Soctober and... It's Rocktober, man. I've worked here long enough to know it's Rocktober. Ew. Soctober and December. Now this went mental online.

Thousands and thousands and millions of likes and comments and that whole smear. You know how that works. People had some comments. One individual said, living through a 73-day Yorgist would just simply finish people. That's a good point. That's a poke.

73 days. Another has commented here saying, okay, I guess my birthday is now Yagust 43rd. People seem to be drawn to the Yagust bit, and I get it. August 43rd would be their new birthday. Several people did mention. that pay days and payment days, I guess, is the only word I can come up with, would have to be adjusted when you get paid by your employer

and when you have to dump money to the rent or the mortgage or the average everyday bills. I'd have to finger that out. And another said that Jebruary sounds like a trendy girl name in Utah. Yeah, it kind of does. I don't know about Utah specifically, it does. We'd have to sing a new song now, Josh. That'd be tough. Where is it again? February, May, August, October, December, short song. Much shorter than the original.

So I don't know. That's what folks are going back and forth on. I don't want to have a birthday in April. No. No. Plus, it's going to ruin the fireman calendar for me. I want more than five hunks. I need 12 hunks. Actually, even 13 hunks when they give you an extra. That's what folks have been jaw jacking about. Again, I'm just drawn to the idea that

just the fact that these next four months have again, 30, 31, 30, and 31 days that that somehow is able to throw somebody bother them in one way or another. But like I said,

everybody's different. Your life must be pretty good if that's something that's on top of your mind. Just how many days are the month? I don't know. I think that means your life must be pretty miserable if that's something. I think it's more like you have nothing else to complain about. Yeah, that's what stress is about. You have no bigger worries in life other than how the day, how the months end?

Well, that's one way to look at it. Yes, if that is your primary concern, yes, you're living a good life. But on the other side of the coin, if that even enters your mind, you might be pretty troubled up there. six of one half a dozen of the other i'm going to be edging all of yuggist you wait i'll be an expert by sock tober hey man sock tober actually maybe that's a better one now that i think about it because you're putting a sock over yeah socked over that's where i got to start cubby you go ahead and edge yourself sideways i'll be supportive i'll be as supportive as i can you know you are

who you are to me and i'll be as supportive as i can but i'll stick to my original comment which was gross I agree with that right I never fully understood the edging or I mean I understand what they say why people do it or the tantric stuff like sting why did sting have to talk about all the tantric sex he was having where it's like days upon end where he's having some sexual relations that's a good question why did he bring that I know he can make his own schedule sure he's a famous singer he can kind of chew he doesn't have to go to work and punch a clock like everybody else yeah he was a

much younger man when he made those comments he probably does because all and all from what i've seen from sting the singer not the uh rassler all in all what i've seen from sting is he's a pretty down-to-earth solid good-hearted guy seems like a pretty bright dude as well i don't know why he had to tell us that he and his wife at the time would bump for seven eight days in a row maybe somebody asked him and they would only do that's too much They would only take like an hour break here and there to eat raw vegetables and eat brown rice and drink water or something disgusting. Anyway, all right, Josh. Who can finish this?

Sandwich. Who can finish this sentence? The most popular music genre in the state of Minnesota is pop country. One of you is correct. It's got to be pop, yeah. And it's Cobby. Yay! The most popular music genre

in the state of Minnesota is pop. Oh, you lucky bastards over there at KDWB. I've always thought that. A ticket search engine called seat pick. You guys ever bought yourself a concert ticket from those folks? No, I have not. Never even heard of it.

They went ahead and did the arithmetic you know how they do based on Google trends and search data and all this stuff that Jesus you'd need to hold my hand to try and finger it out they decided or not decided they came to the conclusion on the most popular genre of music in every state and yeah right here in the state of minnesota pop music no offense to pop music but There's other states that haven't figured out, including, and this might upset some people, Wisconsin. They know what they're doing in Wisconsin when it comes to choosing the radio. In the five-state area, yeah, we love the pop music.

So do the Iow Asians. Wiscoe, as Josh said, they are deep, dark, full-on committed to, as Rob Helford would say it, metal. They are. They like metal. Do we have a lot like demographically do we have a lot more young people?

I do not know. I wonder if that has something to do with it. Ah, the young people. The youngs. They like pop, right? They do. Sure. Usually.

Idaho was on the metal list. I guess I don't really think of Idaho is metal. I'll have to relook it. No. I don't imagine that. Yeah, let's go ahead with this.

This map. is very difficult to read, and then there's all those bizarre states on the East Coast that are jumbled together. It's still to this day, closing it in my 55th birthday, I can't still decipher one from the other. I have trouble with that, too. Idaho loves metal. Montana.

What is that, Josh? Is that Colorado? Colorado, yep. What is that next to Texas? New Mexico? Yes. New Mexico? New Mexico?

No, they're pop. What is that just to the left of Texas? It says metal. Oh, what is that? No, this is embarrassing. Right? It's New Mexico and then Arizona. To the left from Texas, it goes New Mexico, Arizona, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, then New Mexico loves metal. Kansas. Oklahoma? Country music didn't win out in Oklahoma? That's odd.

I thought country music would be bigger in the country. I mean, there's only four states that liked it. And two of them are North Dakota, South Carolina. Dakota. Probably doesn't blow anyone skirt up to hear that. Then you got your West Virginia. Yeah, country, Tennessee. Well, then again, bluegrass is in there. I mean, that's a form of country music. I don't know if anybody wants to argue with it. But then they're all different styles in here. Indy, soul, R&B, blues. I only saw one punk gospel. Oh, where do they love punk music? Oregon. Huh. Really? Yeah, I can see that.

Why do you say that? Why do you say punk and Oregon go hand in hand? It's just kind of like their vibe from what I've heard. They're kind of their counterculture vibe that they have going on there. When I think of Oregon, I think I used to think of like absolutely just middle of nowhere. And then I learned a little bit about Oregon. Now all I think of is like rain, moody people and weed. Yeah, I've only been there one.

and the vibe I got was certainly not a punk rock vibe it was a slow, relaxed but I was only there once so I would have thought something like I don't know what is weed smoking music it used to be reggae what is it now

I don't know like about anything classical music comes into play rap sorry a little late but that's what I think it is now weed smoking music is rap yeah like kind of like more call

album rap though like Kid Cuddy kind of vibe. You know, should we throw this into the garbage? Because now that Ashley said rap out loud, you're telling me there's not one state in our country that would list rap as their favorite style of music? That can't be right. Rap is wildly popular.

I mean, I know we read recently that it's not as popular as it was 10, 15 years ago, but rap? Josh, do you see one state where rap is called the number? Which that throws me. Yeah, that's weird. I can't believe that. You know who loves classical music? Oh, my dad.

May he rest in peace? My father-in-law loves to listen to classical music. Your dad was into it, huh? Yeah, he used to, when he'd listen to that. I think it was kind of to calm him down. He ran hot in the car, right, to avoid a road rage situation, so he'd put some of that on. It is very calming. I've used it before to, like, chill out, and it definitely helps.

But then I get irritated eventually because I'm like, where are the lyrics? A friend of the family, he is a, weed farmer in Oregon. Uh-huh. And he, they play classical music to the pot plants. Oh, yeah. I don't know what it does to him, but it does something to him, I guess. So now, something else I've noticed. By the way, Alaska loves metal, and so does Maine. All these far away kind of isolated places, at least according to this map, have selected

metal as their favorite genre of music. I'm not exactly sure what that says. But now that I'm looking closer at this map, like I just mentioned, I'm surprised that rap was nobody's number one choice. It just dawned on me that rock is almost absent completely. Rock as opposed to metal, so I'm guessing they're talking like classic rock, like Tom Petty and the Eagles and Fleetwood Mac and whatnot. Rock was only the most popular genre of music in, and it's going to challenge me again here because I don't know the states as well as a six-year-old. What is that, Josh? Is that Arkansas?

Sorry, I was getting back to something. Where are you talking about? We had a tech issue. What is the state directly below Missouri? Is that Arkansas? Below Missouri. Let me look at your map here. I have to see it.

Arkansas, yeah, right below Missouri. Because they selected rock as their favorite genre of music, and I think that was the only state. that went in that direction. So it is what it is. You can take this as gospel, or you can fire it into the trash. Oh, another interesting choice.

Nevada selected EDM as their favorite genre of music. What is EDM? Again, it's just like a bunch of... Is that electric dance music? Is that what that sounds? Sure is. Just a series of electronic noises? Yeah, I mean, sometimes there's lyrics, yeah.

And Latin music fell in. to the top spot for Florida and New York. Jazz, of course, in Louisiana. I'd be disappointed if it wasn't. Yeah, I would be very surprised or disappointed if jazz didn't whip everybody's ass in the state of Louisiana. Were you surprised that Hawaii was metal? I didn't even find Hawaii.

I forgot completely about Hawaii. I would have thought it would have been, you know, more chill than that, with that island laid back vibe they got going. Trying to see if there's any other ones that surprised me on this one. Who would be, Josh, your favorite pop act? You and I go back and forth all the time on hard rock, heavy metal, thrash metal, glam. I wouldn't have said this as a kid, but, I mean, Prince comes to mind. Michael Jackson comes to mind.

I know I'm missing some. I've got a massive crush on share, but I can't say that I'm a huge fan of her music. So only old school stuff. Or like older stuff, I guess. Oh, yeah. I'm sure there's something. We're as old school as it gets around here.

I couldn't name you two current pop bands. I couldn't tell you two of them. I'm trying to think if I've ever bought a pop CD. I mean, I stole a CLE CD, allegedly. I mean, this could be a tricky question because, you know, I could ask you, did you ever buy a Hall of Oates record? And then someone's going to text in and say, well, they're not pop their soul or they're not pop, their rock. I mean, so we could argue genres.

But haul and oats. Yeah, I would definitely not consider them pop. Sticks is rock. Sticks is rock. But with a pop, you know, sound, of course. Chicago. I mean, when I think pop. Chicago.

I mean, what do we call in Chicago? If you leave me now, you take. Take away the biggest part of me. What would you describe Chicago as? Would you say pop? What would you say rock? They started off as a progressive band, and then they went strictly pop 100%.

So it gets tricky like that. Yeah, I mean, I got good vibes for quite a few pop bands. But of course, they all go back decades to where then you would argue and say, well, they're not pop. They are this or that. Oh, yeah. I can go all the way back to the monkeys. Oh, yeah, sure.

I love the monkeys. So there you go. In Minnesota, overall, if you believe this report, the majority of us dig the pop music. Do you picture Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina as soul music fans?

That one surprised me a little bit, too. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know much about that area. And I know very little about soul music, all together as well. You mentioned Prince. We were talking about pop music. Remember that song you had that went, pop, life, what's going on with you?

Pop. Sure. Life. I could use a mountain, do. Me too. Pop. I like that one. That was off the Around the World and a day record.

A lot of folks don't know that. All right. Here we go. Frigin Thursday morning. If you're the type, who has their fly going up and down like a window shade every day in anticipation of hearing Randy Shaver and or Bradrider or both of them at the same time on this radio show. Today is not your day. That's too bad.

They both have the day off today. So just a little heads up. Come around 7.30 when we normally throw those two gibronies into the mix. We're going to try to mix things up today. sure I'll give you a little bit of sports information in this and that, you know, periodically. But we're going to have a little more wide open type of an approach today. Randy and Brad both with the day off. So with that said, we might as well kick this in the ass and head towards what's coming up next,

which is the stupid news report on the half-assed morning show. The 93-X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart.

Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tuneup or double dip and save $140 if you add the AC tuneup as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here. If you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialky's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries.

Even if your injury was years ago, don't wait. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. You want Dave on your side. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. We're being told that the radio station is all over the place this morning. We apologize.

We're just running on garbage. And we'll do our best with our capabilities to try to straighten it out. But nine times out of ten, there ain't a hell of a lot we can do. Maybe it's because the fair. The fair? Yeah. Oh, you know what? Actually, you might be on to something.

Yeah, the board's all set up differently because of the fair. Yeah. It's freaking, Frigan. Fair. Sorry. A little earlier this morning, we were talking about the most popular music genres in every one of the beautiful states in our union.

Here in Minnesota, the most popular genre of music is pop music. Same thing with the Iwo-Egians. North Dakota, South Dakota, country music. Wiscoe, metal. So we got to talking about different genres. music and this and that. Josh mentioned the band Chicago. We were talking about some of the pop bands we liked when we were coming up.

Josh mentioned Chicago. We didn't really... I think specifically, like Peter Satera and stuff, the Karate Kid movies, you know, that helped out quite a bit. Well, that was just Peter Satera on his own. Yeah, no, that's what got me into Chicago, I'm saying. Just so Chicago fans don't come uncorked. Yeah, he sang to us about the glory of love, didn't it?

He did. With that Karate Kid Part 2, Sontra. We were trying to defraying to defunds. find Chicago's what genre do they fall into? A listener texted in and said, Josh, bands like

Chicago, or blood, sweat, and tears should be defined as horn rock. I'll go along with it. All right. I haven't heard that term. They got a lot of wind instruments in Chicago. I've never seen him in concert, but a few of my friends have.

And they say there's like 46 dudes up on stage because they got the saxophone. You know how to play the saxophone. And they got French horns, and they got trumpets, and they got tubas, and they got the whole, it's like a marching band up there,

horn rock. Oh, here's another one. Up at the Crack of Dawn, Jesus. Survivor, rock or pop? Both. Yeah, it's both. You can't define these some bitches cut and dry. Yeah, because I'd put them on the list,

either list. Survivor. I know you do. At one point or another, we talked about how the state of Oregon selected punk rock as their favorite genre of music. Fair enough, I've only been there once. I don't fully understand what's going on in Oregon.

I guess I was kind of surprised, it seemed like a much more laid-back, slow-paced type of a neighborhood. Pick like alternative rock, but the lighter stuff. You know, not like your foo fighters or something like that, much, much, much lighter, kind of more like cerebral bands, you know. Not necessarily your regular pop rock. That would make sense to me. Well, all we had to do was say Oregon,

and we received a text message from the most unhappy fishing guide in captivity. We have learned more and more over the last few months that a regular listener and regular texter to our program, Baudet Fishing Guide, Jesus, we've learned more and more that this guy hates his job. He's just been at it too long. So when we brought up Oregon, he sent in a text, Josh, that says,

I have to go to Washington and Oregon this weekend for a stupid boat thing. He's got to attend the stupid boat thing. I'd like to go to both. I hear good things about both states. Washington was awesome. I absolutely loved going there. Ooh, Huey Lewis. Mr. Booby-Cooler, Jesus.

Yeah, pop, right? I mean, again, tough to classify. They're their own category almost. They should. Huey Lewis, genius. I love you. You especially can't put a label on Huey Lewis and the news. Other than just genius. They're too

friggin' great for that. Angry bus driver Jesus, he describes it better than I ever could. Bands in Oregon, what you'd expect. Bands that more insist upon themselves rather than just using edgy lyrics.

Yeah, there's some distortion on those guitars, but just barely, just a touch. It's just kind of a whisper of distortion on it. And again, I was only in Oregon for a day or two this past spring, but what threw me is how slow everybody drove their motor

vehicles. I was the fastest swinging D on the roadway, and that never happens. It struck me to be a real laid-back crowd. I picture them all kind of high. Did you get that impression? Absolutely. So another subject that we covered, and then we'll jump into

the stupid news here shortly, another subject that we covered earlier on, folks on the godless and wildly misinformed social media. They're saying that we have too many months in the year. Twelve, it's too much for them to handle now.

And we need to correct that. So their suggestion is to create five separate months with 73 days each. No variations like we have in the real world with 28 days and one month and 30 and then 31. Every one of these new five months will have 73 days. and that's where we should go forward. And they selected some cutesy names for the new five months of the year. Yagust was one of them.

Maple, November. Now, here's an interesting text where a guy said, let me tell you right now, the murder rates during no nut December would be off the chart. We got to be careful with that. As it stands right now, no November is what? 30 days? What does November have?

29. 30? If we change that to 73, we're playing with fire. Boy, you're right, because I'm sure there's a lot of people going, thank goodness there's not 31 days here. And what about masturbation month? That's May. Do you spread that to 73 days? That's unattainable. Someone's going to end up in the emergency room.

And speaking of the emergency room, here we go. Let's launch our way into the report for the day. this is bad the pee hole cubby everybody's got one and I think they call it the urethra if you want to be fancy about it

the old trusty rusty urethra I've seen a lot more of mine than I would ever want to see they got they scoped that bad boy so I saw it on camera it made its TV debut a couple years back yeah there's always something wrong with you oh yeah I had a pee hole

incident yesterday. The nuts. It's not like normal stuff. He's got just like the weirdest thing. Well, it's all in his pants. You always have something wrong with what you've got swinging around in your pants. The back door, the nuts, the rod. Bladder. There's a bladder

scare there. Your dong must be in some type of medical journal somewhere. For size, yes. But if you're talking about just illnesses and stuff, no. So here's a guy, and some of you might have trouble with this one, and I don't blame you. He closed off his

own pee hole. He did. And it damn near killed him dead. Word is, this effing guy, 41 years old. He is. He was having some trouble. He was wetting his pants like he was a damn one year old. And that's no fun. But he went the wrong way with this. Obviously, he should have just opt and made a doctor's appointment, let a professional look down that pee hole like they're looking down a periscope. You know, the pros are good at fingering those types of problems out, but dude didn't go that route. He super glued his pee hole shut.

And then he hung a sign on his pecker that said, sorry, we're closed. He super glued the pee-p-hole shut. As you might imagine, all that urine backing up in his system created. created a whole new series of problems for a player. It was no longer time to make an appointment to see a doctor. Now it's time to run screaming into the emergency room, which he did. By the time he got to the hospital, this guy was in the hurt locker with his superglued urethra. He told the doctors that he'd been dripping superglue into his pee hole for a couple of weeks.

And he says it worked. And I assume what he meant by that was that he was still able to piss a little bit, but he was no longer wet in his pants. I don't get it. He said at first it worked. But after a while, he couldn't take a squeege to save his life. He'd closed her down for permanent. And if he can't take a whiz-bang, it will kill you dead.

It says here, irreversible damage to the kidneys, this, severe. blood infections. That? It seems like, you know, the story didn't have it. Maybe he did try it first, but he skipped right past that adult diaper. Maybe he just decided I'm not going to wet myself. I didn't even consider the adult diaper. That'd be the first thing I'd think of. Yeah, didn't even cross his mind, Josh. Also, when dude came running into the emergency room, the doctors noticed, everyone noticed, that he also had a permabone. He was marble hard at all times, which was also a side effect of feeding his Johnson super glue like it was a baby bird.

By the time he checked into the hospital, the doctors say that his unit was more glue than it was pecker. And they had to cut a player. It was the only way. They had to cut her, cubby, down the length of his rod, like they were gutting a fish and then they had to wash it from the inside out with steel brushes and whatnot and steel wall.

They had to scrub it. Yeah, they had to rake it up and down. You can't leave any residue. It was a hell of a process. The word is, this frigging numscull is he's doing all right, he can piss, he can do whatever. But, I mean, God knows what his next great idea is going to be. Hopefully it's to enroll in a lot.

like a science class or maybe talk to a therapist or something. I know this is like a common saying and I'm sure people are sick of it, but like this guy's allowed to vote. What in the world? He might be driving. Yeah. He might be operating a motor vehicle around the rest of us. He is free.

He could have a kid. He's free to do anything that you and I are free to do. And yes, that's a concerning thought. Gosh, I need to slow down. I'm just going to crash into that family. Just skip past the brakes. Doesn't consider it. Although sometimes the obvious solution escapes me as well.

He was pinching his little rod, right, Josh? Yep. And he's dripping that super glue in. And then, like I said, like a baby bird, his little pecker was just going, um. Um. Um, um, um, I'm, um. Hmm, more super glue. You're making it sounds so cute.

It's delicious. That's how his penis talks. I like a super glue. If your penis could talk, Nick, what do you think it would say? You son of a bitch. What have you done to me? You dirty, dirty, son of a bitch. Every time I wake up, we're in a different place.

Right. I need a home. I need a regular place, he says. All right. I don't know about you ass hats. but a drunk dude behind the wheel of one of those airplanes makes me a little nervous. It does. And I mean, even if I'm not on that airplane, the idea of a drunk airplane pilot, that's just not right.

We're going to keep her going. This is a good question. Sorry. Subaru Parts Jesus. Back to that guy who super glued his rod shut. Subaru Parts Jesus wants to know. I wonder how that first whiz felt. Oh, it just must have been awesome.

After they had to cut his rod open. Oh, is that what they mean? Like, might be sore? Oh, man, I bet that had a sensation that none of us have ever felt afore. Okay. Have you ever had a bladder infection or something? Not that I'm aware of. Oh, that can be stinging.

That's for sure. Drunk airplane pilot. Let me tell you about this friggin guy. He got good and drunk, and then he stole somebody else's airplane. And there he goes. cubby off into what they call here the the wild blue yonder he walked up on a runway or whatever you call it i don't know the aviation business he walked up on he stole somebody's airplane off he goes drunk this happened in hungary in a place called hungary if that matters at all to you now word is this guy is a real airplane pilot

he's licensed and all that i guess just the fact that he got that pig up into the air shows that he must have had some idea of what he was doing there at the, I believe they call it a yoke. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think any of us could get in an airplane and figure it out. I wonder somebody who plays a lot of those airplane simulators would have a pretty decent shot at it. They say they're remarkably one-to-one accurate. I know a pilot and they practice on them. Yeah, and same with the F1 racers too.

They practice in those simulators. So, yeah, he knew what he was doing, but he's ham. And it wasn't some big commercial aircraft. He upped and stole somebody's little tiny two-seater type airplane. You know, one of the little ones. Those are scary. I've been in a few of those. Oh, that's sweet. I've always wanted to go online. Yeah, don't do it.

Oh. So he's up in the air. He goes this way. He goes that way. And he had folks so damn nervous that the damn Hungarian Air Force went ahead and scrambled their fighter jets to chase. This donkey down. That's badass.

I was trying to think how long it would take me to... I'd be so distracted by the awesome fighter jets if I remember up in a plane and I see them. I wonder how long it would take me to realize, oh, no, I'm in some serious trouble here. There's a reason these guys are right next to us. This guy's lucky he didn't get turned to dust. The word is, Captain Beer Goggles here. He was flying a little too close to a damn nuclear power plant. So, you know, nobody was sure what this prick was capable of.

Nobody knew what the hell he was up to. So they chased him down with the fighter jets. After a while, probably because dude was terrified, he made an emergency landing in a field. And he busted the piss out of that little airplane with his sloppy drunk landing. He didn't hurt himself at all in the process, but he busted the hell out of that airplane.

And then he ran. Seems like that'd be the hardest part, right, the landing. Yeah. I think that's the part that would make me. the most nervous. I'd be terrified. Terrified. You're going to have to shoot me down. I don't know how to land. Oh, you'd be too scared to land? Yeah. Just take

the responsibility right out of your hands. That'd be kind of a cool way to die, I guess. I mean, unless you have Lloyd Bridges and the guy from America's most wanted, you're talking. You're right down to the ground. Stryker, you're too low. I suppose we've talked about that before where, you know, stories have said,

hey, something happened to the pilot. Pilot had a heart attack. You know, the pilot's in a bad way. And then the like the person's first flying lesson, they have to talk them down. Stories like that. I think something like that even happened here, or maybe it was North Dakota several years ago. It sounds familiar. I can't imagine having no idea what I'm doing.

And someone, I'm behind the wheel of an airplane. Right, like you said, there's an emergency. I'm the only swinging D left like Ted Stryker. Although he did have some experience from back in the war. But someone on the walkie-talkie, telling me step by step, there is absolutely no way I don't kill hundreds of people in that scenario. No way I handle that. So anyway.

That's such. They'd be like, all right, I'll press the red button. And I'd be like, the yellow one? Okay, I'll press the yellow one. I'd press the red button, Ashley. But it would be the wrong red button. Not that one, you dumb bastard. You get ejected.

Dude. Drunken pilot, who's... stolen airplane. He made an emergency landing in a field. Then he ran like hell. And this part of the story is fun too. A concerned citizen who didn't know Dick Tracy about what had been going on with the airplane and all that. All they saw was a J. Brone running like hell. This concerned citizen pulled over to Astidt if he needed help and the dude tried wrestling the car away from that person. Give me your car, he says. No good deed.

Now he wants to steal a car. Screw you. But the Hungarian police showed up right then and there, and they took to beating this dude upside the skull until he gave way. Turned out to be a 24-year-old kid. Shoots at a deer seven times and Mrs. Jesus said, landing's easy. You just point the airplane at the ground.

Surviving. That's the difficult part. I suppose when you think of technically landing what that means. There are all different definitions of landing. A few people are saying, I got to do just let gravity take its course. This kid, 24 years old, once they pinned him down, it was determined that he was, in fact, hammered drunk,

and they're still waiting on some test results to see if the kid was also wiped out on hard street drugs or what the F was going on with him. I can't believe he started beating up the person that had pulled over to help him. Give me your car. Yeah. What the heck? Are you okay?

Give me that car, you son of a bitch. What are you doing? Wrong place, wrong time, jackass. It's so messed up. Josh, if I'm ever in a situation where I'm the guy that has to safely land the plane, I just hope that Leslie Nielsen is there and he ducks into the cockpit real quick and he says, I just wanted to say good luck and we're all counting on you. That would be a dream of yours, wouldn't it?

Oh, my God. All right. A good sense of humor. You either got it or you don't. These boys here that I'm about to tell you their story. they need to work on one of the golden rules of comedy. Know your audience. A 52-year-old man by the name of Osniel.

He got himself arrested real good last week. He made a hilarious joke at the airport. Let me see if this one grabs you now. You got to be quick for this. So, an American Airlines ticket agent at Miami International Airport asked Osniel They asked him

Do you have any dangerous goods And Osneel said No, but I have a grenade I bet nobody laughed at that one Osneel did Well he doesn't count He laughed and laughed Of course a true sign of comedic talents

Is when you're the only one who laughs at your joke So again the setup was Do you have any dangerous goods And Osnil said no But I have a grenade and boom, promo. We worked with an individual who, I think I saved him from going to prison. He kept making a bomb joke.

This is about a year after September 11th. Oh, my God. If you don't have a sense of humor about it now, you know, like we don't. You certainly didn't at that time. But he kept joking about it. And, you know, he was one of those guys where if he didn't get the reaction, instead of going, ah, that joke kind of went nowhere. he would just say it louder and more forcefully until somebody acknowledged it.

Or take a couple steps to somebody else in the group and be like, yeah, you hear that I just said earlier and then you repeat the joke that way? I mean, I can think of probably 10 examples of that where he just wouldn't give up. We were both sitting there with him, right? Yeah, well, we were at the airport. We're at the airport. And he's like singing a song. My mom dropped bomb, whatever.

There's like a song. And he kept saying bombs louder and louder and louder. And he kept saying it. He's looking around like, this is good comedy, right? We're at the airport. everybody's scared of bombs. And so finally I just kind of pushed him into a chair. I'm like, dude, you're going to get arrested.

And I was surprised he didn't. See, they don't play that game. I didn't help him out at all because I wanted him to be arrested. Well, you know, when I found out kind of what he turned into, maybe I should have too. I kept telling Josh, let him talk. Get him arrested. He's a douchebag. I don't want to hang out with him anymore.

And then there's me that I think last time I was at the airport, maybe like two years ago. And I, the me and my husband were walking through the airport. and I don't know, maybe we were talking about Chili's or something, and I said, oh, dude, like their mozzarella sticks are so bomb. And as soon as I said that, I was like, all right, I'm screwed. We're not going to Utah. They're coming to get me. Well, where was it Home Depot last year or the year before where some guy made a joke like,

oh, I dropped a bomb in there, and then they had to shut down the store. I mean, I get it. You can't. The bathroom. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, you came out of the bathroom. I mean, that's just something you said growing up, right?

Maybe young people don't say that now, but we say, oh, who dropped the bomb in there? And right, you just, because there's so many wackos, you can't take a chance anymore. So this guy, Osniel, with his grenade joke at the airport, his joke was so good that they cut loose the bomb sniffing canines on his luggage, while an airport security guard had Osniel pinned against the wall with a nightstick to his neck. No explosives were found. He told the police that he was just joking. around. He says, I'm good like that. I'm cute. You can't do that. And that's not a good enough excuse. He was charged with making a false report about placing a bomb. So he's going to have to

see a judge about this. Now, I didn't know that Miami was crawling with so many brilliant up-and-coming comics. It says here now, just one day later, at the same airport, a 33-year-old man by the name of YOL Y-O-E-L Y-O-E-L Y-O-L Never met a Y'-L.

I wonder if it's YOLL, Y'L. I'm going with Y'L. Just one day after Osniel's hilarious grenade joke, here comes Y'L, same airport. Y'L was arrested for basically the same

style of joke. An airport agent asked Y'all, Do you have any lithium batteries or incendiary devices in your bag? And Yol said, no, but I have a bomb. And the crowd went wild. Balloons, confetti. Why do you think this is funny? Thanks for coming, everybody.

We'll see you next time. Joke of the day. Rickshaw Jesus said that guy's joke was so funny that a judge wants to hear it now. Yeah. Unbelievable. ass kneel y'all work on your act

all right we could probably squeeze another one into the mix it says here there's a lesson to be learned with this one and the lesson is never trust someone by the name of

crooked jess j-es-s-s-crucid jess let me tell you this friggin story oh a year ago or so down in the taint-like far southeastern United States of America.

It says here the police were going ahead with what they call a buy-and-bust operation. And they trusted a gal called Crooked Jess. They trusted her to help him out. Some kind of informant character, you know, that's. type of thing. Probably been in a lot of trouble. Kind of has that look. They know her. Got to know her well enough to trust her for this one gig. Crooked Jess. So, as part of this buy and bust operation, the cops gave her $60 to go

score some crack rocks. And I imagine the deal is Crooked Jess buys some crack rocks. and then she comes back and meets up with the cops to tell them all about it, and then the cops rush into where she bought the crack, and they tune everybody up, and they make a massive high-profile drug bust. BJs for everybody involved, big party. But by damn, Crooked Jess, she effed them, and she effed them good. Word is, Crooked Jess bought herself some crack rocks with the cops $60, dollars and then she just got the hell out of there so long crooked jess so long to that

60 bucks goodbye big old drug bust and the bjays and all that her mugshot is on 93x dot com and uh i guess i kind of feel bad not really because she's a criminal but i at quick glance i thought this was a dude with just long hair yeah if um if she had like a hat on and you couldn't see all the hair. I could see why you'd think that. She looks very tired. Crack is a heck of a drug. That's what I hear. She looks like she has a hard time staying upright.

More crack. More crack. More crack would work. Straighten her out. It says here, after waiting an hour which is more than a reasonable amount of time to wait for a narcotics transaction to occur between two subjects, one of the cops involved in this

buy and bust operation, one of the cops came to the conclusion. that Crooked Jess had ditched them. She bought those rocks with their money, and she gone. Ah, darn. Who would have thought she'd do that? Several, well, you know, they, obviously they had some trust in her, or else they wouldn't have given her the gig. Several months went by, and the police finally caught up with Crooked Jess,

and she was wrecked out of her gourd on street dope. And now she's going to jail. They must have literally never met somebody else that does crack or anybody that does drugs. They're known for this. They're not trustworthy people. They are cops in the state of Florida. I think they've seen a few crackheads before, Ashley. Question.

Maybe they were new guys. I don't know. Josh has a question. I have a question. Yes. So they said an hour. That's pretty long for a drug deal. You know, in the movies, it's always like they walk by each other and it's kind of like a brief handshake or something.

You've got a drug dealer or at least you used to, Ashley, your plug. Did I say that like a young person? Yeah. Do you make small talk or you just say, what's up? Thanks for the drugs. Adios. Dude, there was, so I always had like a couple people I would buy drugs from and I specifically like wouldn't go to one person if I wanted it to be quick.

Because every single time it would be like a 20 minute ordeal. Like I don't want to do that, dude. Just give me the weed so that I can go smoke. I don't want to have this conversation with you. I don't need you to smoke me up. We're good. I'd want to have a conversation with the guy. How's your career in the drug business, I might ask?

Yeah, what's new? We had enough of those already. I can totally see you, Josh, wanting to learn everything about his occupation and learn about him as a person because that's how you were raised. Speaking of bad jokes, it brings me back to a comic who once said,

he said this about his dad, but I'm going to transfer the joke over to you, Josh. And don't take this as an insult because you admit that there are times when you just simply cannot stop talking. Tell us about your world record when some guy was at your house to fix the door or something and you stood in your driveway and had a conversation with him for how long? How long is the average workday?

Eight hours. Seven hours. Really honestly. Seven hours. I thought you said You're being serious? I think it was seven hours You stood in your

I thought it was like 245 or something You stood in your drive? I thought for some reason I thought it was seven hours Oh no I'm gonna trust your answer I just remembered it to be much shorter than that Because we took a nap

And then we got up and then we kept talking Seven hours You stood and talked to this guy Yeah And he stood and talked to you Yeah Yeah I mean I don't hold people hostage

I just don't know I'll never be the first one To end a conversation If I can't So back to this bad joke. I remember a comic once saying that Josh is so long-winded, he can make Jehovah's witnesses say,

hey, look, we got to get going. I know that's not true, because I had some over. I had some over, and they didn't stick around too long. But you guys prayed together, didn't you? We did pray together. You held hands and you prayed. I did not say no to that. Sports on the 93X half-assed

morning show. I won't keep you. I will not keep you for too terribly long. Because we've got to to make our way over to Cubby's News Report. We do. But I'll just fill you in on this and that real quick. The twins couldn't get that sweepy sweep in their home series with the Detroit Tigers. They made a nice comeback in last night's ballgame. It was very exciting. They were down 5'1. They tied the game. It was 6, 6. This happened, that happened. They went to Xtrees, and the Tigers

won 11 to 6. Detroit came up with a five-run 12th inning, and that was pretty much that. The boys remain three and a half games back at Cleveland for the third American League wildcard spot. They had themselves a day off before firing up a weekend series in Chicago against the White Sox. And real quick, Josh, tonight, get some. Golden Goat for football. Oh, yeah. Round the boat, Sky! They play their very first game of the football season tonight.

I'm going to go ahead and get me some. Are you going to get some? You'll be watching them. You better believe it. They're playing at home tonight, 7 o'clock, against eastern Illinois. The Panthers says here now the ball game will be televised on the Peacock Network. We've got much more to cover a little bit later on. Just a heads up.

Randy Schaever has the day off. Brad Ryder, off. So we're going to kind of mix things up today. Sure, there's a little more sports information later on in the morning. but things might sound a little different. The boys are out. They'll be back tomorrow. We're going to wing it.

We're going to have some laughs, hopefully. For now, we'll take a little break. We'll come back with Josh's news report. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me.

I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a friend. furnace tune-up or double-dip and save 140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard Heating and Air Conditioning, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Online at standardheating.com.

Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. 93X-Hafast Morning Show. Good evening. I am Sergeant Garrett Parton, Minneapolis Police Public Information Officer. And this afternoon, a tragic scene unfolded that has impacted numerous lives. Well, this is horrible and heartbreaking at the same time.

A mass shooting at a downtown Minneapolis apartment complex yesterday left two victims dead. Multiple people injured, including police officers. The shooting unfolded just after 4.30 p.m. at the Shoreline Plaza apartment complex, formerly known as the Loring Towers. When I heard the sight, I heard all these sirens. When I got to the lobby, it was filled with cops. And they had these guns drawn, and they're going door to door. Just hoping and praying and everybody is okay.

Okay. Police initially responded to reports of gunfire and information that one person had been shot. Inside the apartment building, officers discovered shooting victims and followed the sound of gunfire to an upper floor where they encountered a haze that significantly limited their visibility. Reports from earlier this year say the shooter, who also died yesterday, allegedly assaulted one person and showed off his gun in several incidents over a six-month time frame. Neighbors also recalled he'd seemingly been plotting something. sort of massacre in the days before the shooting. A neighbor said he allegedly threatened to shoot his ex-girlfriend and two property managers. In a letter in June, the property's legal team pointed to seven incidents between January and June this year when he allegedly breached the terms of his lease and said he was being evicted. One officer was shot in the leg, another sustained two

gunshot wounds to the abdomen. The city said four additional officers experienced adverse effects after being exposed to an unknown airborne substance to other officers were hurt in a car crash while responding to the scene. Our thoughts are with those victims and their families and of course wishing a speedy recovery to the injured residents and the officers. Yeah, the latest nightmare, huh, Covey? Yeah, terribly sad. And you know, the news just kept getting worse yesterday as more details were revealed. A Florida driver was already pushing his luck. The first time cameras caught him speeding through a school zone. Getting nabbed a second time that made police take notice.

A third time, on day three, really got their attention. Then came day four. No way. Four days straight of speeding through the same school zone. That's the kind of streak that lands you in detention. And if you're keep putting kids in danger, potentially the business end of 50,000 volts from a Sarasota police taser. Did they light them up?

No. But they wanted to. He risked it. According to the PD, the driver had a butt-clenching 54-mile-per-hour episode, a sphincter tightening 65, and a full-on posterior puckering 83 in a 40. The fourth violation clocked in at 62. Photos posted by the police department on Facebook show the car speeding near two elementary schools on four separate occasions.

And just in case the guy needed a refresher on how a school zone works, The cops reminded drivers that when the lights are flashing, the camera issues a violation for speeds exceeding 10 miles an hour over the flashing school zone's posted speed limit. The camera also issues violations when the school zone isn't flashing for speeds exceeding 10 miles per hour over the regular posted speed limit. Tuition for his four-day course on how not to speed through a school zone costs the driver 400 bucks.

The police department said the owner received four notices for violation of unlawful awful speeding in a speed zone, totaling 100 bucks each. Did he have any kind of a cute story? No, not that they said at least. He's just quicker than a hiccup. I wonder if it's one of those things where he had sped four times before he realized he was busted. When they first started putting in those cameras at Red Lights in Minneapolis, I received

so many citations from my daughter. It was like, oh, she's like, ah, it doesn't count yet. So it would be warning, hey, we got you again. I want to say I got like eight of them. It was ridiculous. There she is. Just the picture of the vehicle. She likes to go fast.

Just going through the red light. You know, to be honest, maybe it was a speed. I can't remember. I'll have to ask her. But I don't know if it's something they can actually give you a ticket for right now. But she's got to be on their list somewhere. That's funny. If you think your weekend plan's got a little out of hand,

and these two quick stops on the police blotter will make you feel like a model citizen. One is about a man who got caught with booze in the bushes, the other about a man whose use of the clicker landed him in the clink. Beginning with our friends across the St. Croix, a Wisconsin man's charged with breaking into a bar and stealing liquor Friday, dressed for the occasion in Team Spirit and Terrycloth, wearing a plush Green Bay Packers robe. According to the criminal complaint, Thomas Barth,

left his two young children at home by themselves, while he broke into Jack's Blue Ribbon Pub early Friday. Friday morning. The fashion icon was arrested a block away after police found him asleep in the bushes with a six-pack of white claw and a bottle of Tito's vodka. My God, what a schmuck. He goes to all that effort in his Green Bay Packers robe to steal some hooch and then he just checks out in the bushes. He passed out in the bushes. He's in some serious trouble. Now I can't even remember if I left that in the clip or not, but he left a couple of kids alone. Yeah. So he could go ahead and make that trip.

Yuck. That's one way to spend a Friday night. Here's another. A 22-year-old New York man was arrested Friday following a domestic disturbance at an apartment where he tried to strike family members with a TV remote control. He was restrained by those family members until cops arrived. Ouch. Beating everyone up with the remote.

That's ridiculous. I mean, back in the day, that would hurt. Nowadays, they seem quite slender. They are pretty light. Yeah. Maybe he's got one of those, uh, you know, Universal remote controls. I always thought those were really cool.

Oh, those ones were like bricks. They were so big and heavy. The ones you'd have to like plug into a computer to program. It could do so many things. In many situations, suspense makes things better. A movie without a plot twist, boring. A magician who tells you the trick before he does it, lame. And a suspension bridge that doesn't actually suspend anyone.

A recent video shows that can be a problem. Turns out suspense isn't just important for horror movies and season finale. Historically speaking, it's also pretty important for suspension bridges. A ribbon-cutting ceremony for a new bridge in Indonesia became a surprise pool party when the suspension bridge wasn't quite as suspended as intended. The wooden bridge stretched 196 feet across the river, hung about 10 feet above the water. And as excited locals that officials crossed during that celebration, the bridge became overlaunched. loaded, causing one of its load-bearing structures to fail, then a rope suddenly snapped.

Onlookers could be heard screaming as people clung to the collapsing structure trying to avoid an impromptu river baptism. The grand opening went from ribbon cutting to everybody finding out exactly how far 10 feet is. Thankfully, nobody was killed. Although several people did suffer some minor. injuries. They're so scary. They're still just going with wood and rope. Yeah, that's what they got.

Actually, I sent this to you, didn't I? I thought maybe you said you posted it. I'll try. A temper tantrum over a marina bathroom schedule led to a Florida man's arrest for giving someone a rude awakening with a rock because he just couldn't wait his turn to take a shower.

29-year-old Kenneth Andrews earned himself a brand new set of iron bracelets after he resolved the shower dispute by smashing the victim in the face with a stone. Deputies showed up to the marina around 9 p.m. to sort out the altercation between the two presumably naked men. Where are they taking a shower? Like a campground?

Oh, sure. Well, marina, I guess they said. Oh, dude, those are just the worst. I've seen some pretty bad communal showers in my day. Oh, yeah. Don't forget your flip-flops. You're guaranteed to get at least foot. I remember in college, them telling you. us that's the first time I'd ever heard it.

I'd wear your flip flaps in the shower. Yeah, I got it from the gym. Man, the other day I was walking around the lake by my house and walking by the beach, and there's a Biff right kind of off by the sidewalk, and a guy's walking up to it. And, oh, well, good for him for not pooping in the lake or whatever. And I go a little closer to I walk in. He was walking into the big Biff barefoot. I just thought that was disgusting.

Yeah, I've done that. Have you? Yeah. I can handle that. Can you? But that's only when, like, I'm about to get back in the water or something. Sure. Because then, you know, I don't know, makes me feel a little bit different about it, but it is really gross.

You're right. My wife's work has a problem where somebody four days in a row is pooped in the hot tub. Same person? If you have any information, and you don't mind passing that on, they'd like that person to stop. Did she have to go use the net to scoop it out? Did she draw the shorts on that one? I don't know if she had to scoop the poop. So this is at her workplace?

At her workplace? At a gym or something? Yeah, four days in a row. Someone pooped right in. I mean, I'm jealous of that person's regularity. I'm assuming it's one person. Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't point the poop finger at just one person.

It's four separate people. No, some kid going back to school on Tuesday. He wants to keep a streak going. It could be the poop bandit. I wonder. Yeah, four days in a row. I'm hoping for a full week, but I think that I'm the only one in the household that feels that way. Keep us posting because I'm more invested in this than anything else in my life right now.

Me too. This is a current drama. Yeah, yesterday I think it was day four. I'll let you guys know tomorrow if we get another one. That's awesome. A lot of old folks over there? Yeah, there's plenty of them. There you go.

So, yeah, I'm assuming an accident, but you never know. Stop getting in the hot tub. While lined up for a little nut washing, the man went nuts too. He threw a fit over a shower turn, grabbed a handy fist-sized rock, and delivered a heavy-handed reminder of why patients is a virtue, or in Andrew's case, a reason to beat you. With all the warm hospitality of a stone to the face, he was energetically cajoled back into the cruiser

and slapped with charges for aggravated assault and battery. The victim suffered cuts to his face. Luckily, it wasn't worse. Showering with strangers. What a concept, huh? Yeah. It's, you know, I've only had to do it a couple times, but it was a little uncompy, that's for sure.

Yeah? You were ass naked? Well, no, just like the wetsuit. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just so uncomfortable wearing a wetsuit. Wet suit. When you're in the shower and there's other people around, you know, and you put on your wets, nobody sees your giblets.

Full snorkel mask and everything. I can't picture in you hauling out the rod and getting in a shower with a few other dudes. Whether it be a gym or a campground or a prison yard or whatever the situation may be. Even taking his shirt off and not happening. Yeah, I'm pretty much humping the tile right underneath. But you have showered naked with other men. Yeah. This was at a gym.

No, this was a rest stop. Cancun. Yeah, there was like four showers. We all used the same one. Were you like cowering in the corner a little? I did college. We did in the, at college, at the gym once. And at a, like a, kind of like a marina shower.

Like they were talking about. I was on a beach. A friend's house. They had like a three little shower stalls right outside their house. in Hawaii. Most people deal with it. In Hawaii. I regret saying it that way.

Honestly, I felt really stupid. You're just trying to take the attention away from your shower habits. Pretty much. I'm glad you pointed that out because I felt really stupid. I don't know why I... It was unexpected, Cubby. Yeah, it was dumb. It was dumb.

Take that out of the podcast. It's so stupid. Most people deal with a hangnail by grabbing a clipper. a hot-headed Arizona woman grabbed a gun. 26-year-old Essence Meyer decided a... That's pretty sexy. Yeah, I like that name. Me too.

Decided a $15 manicure fix was worth a felony. Spraying bullets at a busy Phoenix salon packed with nearly 20 patrons because she wanted workers to repair it for free. Meyer got into an argument with workers at Element nail bar Sunday afternoon over the cost of fixing her fingernail. Negotiations broke down fast. Essence Meyer punched an employee during the dispute and any essence of restraint went right out the window. She walked outside, got a gun, and settled the $15 fingernail dispute with a little ballistic bargaining, opening fire on the business.

At least 18 people were crammed inside the salon at the time. Customers and staff scattered out the back door or duck for cover as the bullet went through the front glass door, shattering it. She was at this nail salon yesterday shortly afternoon when she assaulted. an employee, then left and fired a single shot through the door. Fortunately, everyone was fine, a manager said in the aftermath of that attack. What the hell's wrong with you? I don't know. She runs really hot.

I mean, again, she's firing at the building over $15. Meyer fled the wreckage that she left behind, but her freedom at a short shelf life. Police tracked her down and arrested her at a home later that day. She copped to everything, the punch, the gunfire, and the plan to scare employees into repair. her manicure for free. I mean, don't they, I would assume they already do that. Well, I guess if they said it was 15 bucks, it was 15 bucks. 15 bucks.

Coming to streaming today, the second season premiere of Chad Powers kicking off on Hulu. Hell yeah, I love that show. I liked it, but I can't. I don't like the voice. I don't know if I need to go back. We'll see. I don't know why it's kind of annoying, but I get over. You would need to put a lethal weapon to my throat to get me to watch this absolute garbage.

It's Glenn Powell, right? Yeah. I like Glenn Powell quite a bit. Just that voice, it's too much. Well, it looks like he's outed now, so hopefully you can just go back to talking like his regular voice. I watched a tiny bit of it this morning while I was pumping before work, and nope, still does the voice. It's just so unoriginal, that's my problem, with the whole thing from the get-go. This bit has just been done to death.

If you haven't yet seen the 2026 version, you can take a stab at the streaming premiere of the new scary movie creeping onto Paramount Plus officially today. What's that now? Scary movie? Oh, you mean the scary movie, scary movie? Oh, sure. Emilio Estevez's brother, Charlie Sheen, 61 today,

and Al Jardine from the Beach Boys, 84. Do you know he does his own tour now? I'm saying now, maybe he's done it for a long. long time. There is no way in a million years I expected you to celebrate Al Jardine's 85th birthday from the Beach Boys. Can I tell you why? Because it rhymed with Sheen. I just thought, oh, I'll just rhyme those too. Dr. Sheen, Al Jardine. The motivation was rhyming. Riming. Yes, I was purely rhyming based. I've seen Al in concert a couple of times. How is he? He's a likable character with a lot of talent. I checked out his website. His website's fun. Look like they're having a good time

at the shows. Happy 14th anniversary to St. Paulie Girl's Jesus from Tater Tot Podcast, Jesus, flying back to Minnesota for the state fair, don't you know? Happy 13, maybe they're in Hawaii. Didn't say, didn't say where they're coming from. Happy 13th to Daddy's Little Peanut Jesus from Dad, Pink Plunger Jesus. And happy birthday to Noah, aka Shortchaff Jesus. He's 18 today, don't you know? Awesome. His brother, Hillman Welder, Jesus, would like the local ladies to know. short shaft Jesus, he's on the market. Oh. Then he goes on to say he doesn't have a car. He has no money. He doesn't have any matching socks.

But mom thinks he's a catch. She's a fixture uppers, what he is. He's a catch at 18. Happy birthday to you, and that's 93X News. Have asked morning show. They are in an alternate reality than ours. They are in that rock and roll rock reality. They surround themselves with these professional dickheads. And I'm not even really sure if they're aware. I don't think they're aware how much they suck.

93X rocks. All right, you dirty bastards. Randy Schaver and Brad Ryder. Both have the day off. They will be missed. Lucky pricks. So today we're going to mix things up a little bit. Welcome back to the half-ass morning show at 733.

There are still a few sports-related subjects that we can jaw jack about, and there's some pretty good stuff. And from there, Cubby, we're just going to let her buck and see what gives way. And it's on you. On me to lead us through to the bitter end of today's program. It's on you. As we've mentioned multiple times over the last few days, youth sports, youth athletics, coaches, by damn had they started off hot this season.

they have. It's just been uncorked. And I'm having the time of my life with this stuff. I really am. I love these stories. So for starters today, here's the latest in piss poor behavior on display from either coaches or the kids involved in youth athletics. Starting with a tradition as old as time itself, and it cracks me up every time. where the dad, who's the head coach, surprises everybody in town by handing his son the starting quarterback job. That bit never fails to amuse me. Carson Palmer. Everyone remember that some bitch?

Yeah. Former NFL quarterback. Might have been a great one too if his legs wouldn't have come clean off once or twice. That's what I remember about Carson. Palmer is he had a pile of potential, but his legs kept coming off. Anyways, Carson Palmer is now coaching. Oh, how cute at his high school football alma mater. A school in California called Santa Margarita.

You know what today is, Josh? What? Bad day to be a margarita. It's a callback to a joke from yesterday. Carson Palmer is coaching his. alma mater, a high school in California called Santa Margarita. And what everyone over there has been talking about and what has a lot of folks over there laughing their nuts off is that Carson Palmer has named his son the starting quarterback of the

football team over two other kids who are being heavily recruited by college football programs. That's awesome. Don't question the coach. He might see something that other people don't. Come on, dude. is outstanding. You're pissed off. You should have applied for the job yourself.

I know you don't like the movie, but he named his kid Fletch. I've never met outside of the movie Fletch. I've never met a Fletcher. Have you ever met a Fletch in your day, Nick? First name Fletcher. I know somebody with that last name. I don't think I have. You really didn't like the movie Fletch?

I thought it was hilarious. I wasn't as wild of a Chevy Jepard. Chase guy as everyone else was back in the 80s. I definitely was and maybe still him. I get it. I get it. I just. There are times Chevy Chase in the 80s was what Will Ferrell has been in the 2000s. I either really enjoy his product or I want to strangle him to death and watch the life leave his body. Yes, Carson Palmer's son is named Fletch and he will be the starting quarterback for that high school football team over selected by his dad over a kid by the name of West is the first name. Now I can say for sure I've never met anyone named West.

West for sure, but yeah, not West. Right, like the direction. Fletch Palmer got the gig over a kid named West Stansberry and a kid named Matt Smith. Stansberry is rated as a three-star recruit. UCLA and the University of Texas El Paso are recruiting this kid to be a college quarterback. This Matt Smith is also rated as a three-star prospect who has already promised to follow in the footsteps of all-time great Jay Cutler by committing to playing football at Vanderbilt. But Palmer's kid, Fletch, is not yet rated at all by any of the major recruiting services. That is so effing funny to me. I hear Bermidgey's looking after him.

The Beavers? Yeah. From day one, that has always been one of my favorite bits. Who's the coach? Oh, it's Donnie over there. Oh, so we can count on his son being the starting quarterback? You bet your ass you can count on that. Yeah, that's still going on.

Oh, for Christ's sake. But at least, you know, in my experience with my son's youth football, nobody wants to play quarterback anymore. Oh, right, they all want to be a wide receiver, yeah. When we were growing up, that's all you wanted to be. Right. You wanted to be the quarterback. Everybody wanted to be the quarterback.

You have the ball. Every play, you're handing it off to somebody. Maybe you're lucky enough to throw a pass. I mean, I was furious. I think this was around like sixth or seventh grade. You know, I had been a running back and a defensive back, but six, seventh grade, very first football practice, I wanted to try my shot at quarterback. And so the head coach says, okay, quarterbacks gather over here, day one of practice.

I went over there, and the coach's kid went over to where the coach told us, quarterbacks gather here. And it kind of first off surprised me that it was just the two of us, me and the coach's kid. There's no one else that wants to be quarterback on this team in 1983, like Josh was saying, everybody wanted to be quarterback. It was just me and the coach's kid. I thought, okay. I like my chances here because the coach's kid was just tiny little,

just tiny little character. He was the least physically imposing looking athlete maybe I've ever seen in my life. And the coach walks up to me and goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, go over there with the running backs, wide receivers. And I said, but you said, quarterbacks gather here. I want to be, no, yeah, you're not going to start. Donnie's going to start. Day one, five minutes into the first prize. He just, he just upped and set it.

And then I understood why no one else went over there to try out for quarterback because they were smart enough to know. Coach is going to give his kid that job. Oh, I was pissed off. You mentioned you as a little guy. Oh, God, Cubby, he was tiny. And you watched your nephew play football a few times, right? Yes, and he was undersized as hell too. Oh, really?

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's kind of surprising. Just seeing him now. He was a really good athlete, so he found a gig. Is it tough to keep a straight face, you know, when they're real little, and maybe other parents can, understand this as well, but all of a sudden, you hear him go, dude, they sound like Mickey Mouse out there. It's funny that you bring that up,

because this coach's kid who snatched the job on day one of practice without any tryouts, nothing. You know, naturally you would think, we're going to practice handing off, we're going to practice this and that, we're going to see who's built best for the quarterback job. There was none of that. This coach's kid who got the job, it made it even worse for me, Josh.

Every day, practice or a, real game to hear him say. And then the worst part about it, this was one of those head coaches who insisted we say go instead of hut, which makes no sense to me to this day. What do you mean, go? What are you talking about? This is football. You don't say go?

So every practice in every game, I got to hear his kid squeak that out and it made my skin crawl. I could have put a little bit of base into it, Cubby. I could have toughened up that call. So there you go. continuing on a high school football club is through already before they even got started their season just begun it's already over and here's why well now we're moving on to poor behavior by the kids this is in Arizona the school district took it upon

themselves to cancel the entire football season at a high school. Both the varsity and junior varsity teams gassed. Not going to happen because of a criminal case. And what they said was cops are investigating allegations. Here we go again of sexual misconduct involving students during a football camp where they all traveled off to a campground and stayed together for a couple of days. Let's have a bonding thing happen with our football team. that kind of a gimmick.

The police have said the case is complex, but what it sounds like to me is full-on, for-alarm, old-school, inappropriate hazing. Specifically, what they mentioned in the police report, they're looking into reports of players dry-humping each other at the football camp. Yuck. Dry humping. I guess it's better than the old broomsticks, but...

Yeah, I guess, but let's just avoid all of it if you could. No, we don't need any of it. Boy, I had forgotten about those horrific broomstick stories. Jesus, don't even... Don't make me think that again. I actually forgot about dry humping. I'm trying to think the last time that was incorporated in my life, much less in my...

He even thought about it. Dogs, are they doing any dry humping? Like on a pillow or something? Yeah, but it ain't drips. dry. Yeah, not dry. I was afraid to say it. So, Josh, what this sounds to me, again, this entire football program has been shut down.

Shortly after day one, they said it's not going to happen. We're not playing JV. We're not playing varsity. Kids can go home. Put away the equipment. It's over. This is because of hazing. And what it sounds like to me is, you know, the older, bigger, stronger kids were holding

some of the smaller, weaker kids down. Yeah, if that's how that went down, that's awful. I mean, it's not good no matter what, but if everyone's not in on the joke, it's got to be something like that, right? I mean, if they're canceling the entire season for the whole program, it must be pretty bad. Yeah, it's got to be bad.

And what happens just like throwing their underwear in the showers or something? Why is it always got to be like humping and broomsticks? We just didn't do any of this at all. We didn't really do it either, but there was not a single, situation that I remember seeing with my own eyes of any kind of hazing, any kind of, you know, picking on. I mean, there's the natural, there's the natural, you know, kind of just high school picking on the new guy type thing, just busting his balls a little bit.

But there was nothing. Yeah, I was going to ask you, you guys both played, well, did you play football in? Yeah, up until, in high school? Up until 10th grade, yeah. Okay, I didn't know that. I knew you played hockey, obviously. with all the records and stuff like that. I was going to ask you if you experienced it.

It seemed like that in the movies, right, in the 80s, that was pretty common. So I was wondering how common that really was. There was nothing. It just, you know, I don't understand a single bit of it. Oh, boy, a few people are texting in saying like the broomstick incident had happened at their school or something similar. What is wrong with you? Yeah, I don't really get that kind of thing. all I can think of

we did give one kid a difficult time for a while. It wasn't nasty. Just like I said, your typical ball busting this was just a funny moment. So youth football, we had one kid on the team that had never played before and it showed immediately.

He had no idea what he was doing. That's fine. It's first day of practice. The coach, just to practice, alignment where we all stand for different offensive and defensive formations, the coach put this brand new kid at a defensive back position. He's the defensive back. And the coach said, okay, everyone understands where they're supposed to be and their positioning and everything.

Okay, let's run a play. And our quarterback, by this time, Josh, it wasn't the coach's kid with that squeaky voice. It was a much cooler character. But the quarterback says, All right, down, set. We all look into the defensive backfield, and the new kid is in a three-point stance. Playing defensive back. Uh-oh. We fell on our asses.

And we did. We rode him pretty good for a day and a half or so, but that was about it. There was no beatings. We didn't tear his underwear off. We didn't try to touch him. Just old school. You dumb bitch.

You don't have to get in the three-point stance. You're the defensive back. Two pumps and a fist, Jesus said. We used to make the freshman carry all our gear during a couple of days. Sure, totally normal. Yeah, if you're doing two a days, they're carrying your gear. That's the funny stuff. You frigging kids knocking each other's nuts around and all that

and pinning each other down. What the hell are you doing? Okay. There's one more here on the subject. I know. It's been overwhelming. It's just this has been the thing over the last five, six days. Hey, football's back.

Yeah. Glenville High School in Ohio. They're in trouble. Their football program is in trouble. They're going to be without, they're going to have to play games without, oh, it sounds like at least 11 players. Now, I know your average high school football club is pretty big. Where do they put like 50, 60 kids out there? I don't know.

But a dozen or so players will be ineligible because the coaches turned them over to the police. and these kids are now being charged for a crime. Here's what happened. So Glenville High School in Ohio, they play in Cleveland, fun times in Cleveland today. I bet. Glenville plays in Cleveland. They traveled to Columbus, Ohio, for a game last Friday. And the word is, a pile of their players, a pile of their players, sorry,

one on over to the local Dick Sporting Goods. and they stole everything that wasn't nailed down. Somebody upton called 911 saying that 15 to 20 of these players were snatching up merchandise. According to the report, they ransacked the joint. They stole clothing. They stole football cleats.

They stole arm bands. They stole mouthguards. But at any rate, they stole a lot of crap. There's video of their alleged theft. It's believed that the value of all of what they snatched from Dick's sporting goods in this idiotic caper, the total value was around $4,500. That's a lot of frigging money. Yeah, no kidding.

And the coaches... That's some big trouble right. I like how the coaches said, take them away. I like that too. For just tuning in Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder, Lucky Dicks. They have the day off. A few people texted in and said, what's happening? I'm not hearing anyone clipping their fingernails in the background.

Or breathing deeply. I'm not hearing anyone who sounds like they have an iron lung in the background. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder, day off. This is funny. Back to hazing. This person says, in wrestling, we would soap up the shower floor. They'd make the freshmen line up like bowling pins. And then they'd take the heavyweight wrestler.

They use them as a bowling ball and slide them across the floor. That's fun. That's good stuff right there. That is great. one's being touched inappropriately. It's clever. It's funny. You're not just beating a kid unmerciful for no reason. Everybody's probably, it's consensual. And let me get this right. The biggest kid on the wrestling team is the bowling ball. Is sliding on his nipples across the floor of the shower? Yeah, man. Good for you for keeping it fun. Speed bump Jesus said his hazing

was he had to put red lipstick on his nose and sing Rudolph the red nose reindeer while standing on a lunch table. There you go. Tony Romo. Yeah. Tony Romo. You guys remember he got that DWI in Wisconsin a couple months ago. He went to court yesterday and he pleaded no contest. And apparently this is the first time that Romo has personally addressed the situation. He took full responsibility. He got to also went on to say that the back surgeries that he's endured over the last number of years from playing all that football led him to be hooked on dope and then it led him to have what he calls here an over-reliance on alcohol when he attempted to get off the dope.

So I'll go along with it. His driving privileges have been revoked for six months. He also has to complete an alcohol. Hall Assessment. Oh, and he's got to have the ignition interlocked device installed on his car. You know, people were bringing up a good point, and it was right there, didn't even consider it. If his back is so bad, why is he playing golf all the time?

I mean, he was leaving a golf, maybe he's got it managed in a different way, but I, that did seem a little strange. I don't know. Tiger Woods, y'all. Taga, Tiger Woods, y'all. He's had his driver's license suspended for five years. years. That's crazy, isn't it? Probably should have been suspended five years ago.

Yeah. For that gong show car crash, he caught loose with a few months ago. Says here, Tiger Woods can't even legally drive a damn golf cart as part of his plea deal in court. That's how little the court trusts that man's ability to drive without a disaster happening. There was a... They're even taking away his ability to drive a golf car. golf cart. I know. There was a pretty funny moment from the Florida attorney yesterday because he was asked, hey, can he drive a golf cart? And it threw him off a little bit. Oh my God. That's a great question.

You know what? You got me. We'll have to look into that. I'll get back to you. I know you cannot drive a golf cart while impaired on the roads because it is a vehicle. My gut reaction is going to be no. But great question. And I'll get back to you. Can you imagine that? I mean, I'm sure he won't have trouble finding somebody to drive him around, but can't even drive a golf car. that is that's hilarious stuff in florida golf carts are considered motor vehicles did anyone mention that yet i'm sorry if they did yeah he said that the lawyer said that golf carts are considered motor vehicles and right now the idea of tiger woods driving any kind of vehicle has people running for their lives in florida well i mean i saw someone else make a comment on it and they said i'd be surprised if anyone bothered tiger for driving a golf cart on a golf course but if he's

taking one down to the 7-Eleven for a slurpy. It's probably not worth the risk. He'll go immediately back to jail if they catch him driving anything. Ooh, we. All right, real quick, the twins lost. They were trying to get that sweep over the Detroit Tigers last night. They couldn't get it done. They made a nice comeback late in the game.

She went to X-Rie's. The Tigers scored five runs in the 12th inning and won 11 to 6, and that was that. Three and a half games back of Cleveland. for that American League wildcard spot, the last of the three American League wildcard spots. They got a day off and they start a series against the Chicago White Sox there in the state of Illinois. Speaking of the state of Illinois, get some.

I'm about ready to get me some. Golden Gopher football plays their first game of the season tonight. They're playing at home. 7 o'clock. They'll start that some bitch against Eastern Illinois. Their nickname is the Panthers, and it says here now the ball game will be televised. On Peacock, everyone here have the access to Peacock. I do.

I do. Eastern Illinois. You want to know who went to school at Eastern Illinois? Who'd at? The late Kevin Duckworth, longtime center for the Portland Trailblazers. He played with Clyde Drexler. He played with Terry Porter. He played with the late Rick Adelman, the late Jerome Cursey, and the late Clifford Robinson.

You know who else went to Eastwood? Eastern Illinois? No. Brad Childers. Really? I haven't thought about him in a while. Former head coach of the Minnesota Vikings of the National Football League, Brad Childers. You know who else went to Eastern Illinois? No. Jimmy Garapolo? Really? Yes.

Gosh. I want to smell the locker room if I just get one opportunity. You are a slut. Well, look, I got this picture right here. You do. Cubby does have a beautiful picture. picture of Jimmy Garapolo up in the studio here of his days with the San Francisco 49ers. It says here now he's a backup quarterback for the Los Angeles Rams. You know, I got to be honest, is he even a decent quarterback?

Not really. How hyped was it? I was trying to think about this the other day. How hyped was he? Because I know the name. No one never really hyped Jimmy Garapolo. Why did he get kind of well known? Because he played on a very good football team.

But everyone knew it wasn't exactly Jimmy Garapolo that made. them a very good football team. You're the one who created the Jimmy hype. Yeah, I mean. And that's okay. You fell in love with the guy. You got a massive crush on the guy. Hopefully he's not done something terrible or a jerk wad.

He looks like a friendly fellow. You know who else went to Eastern Illinois? Who that? Super Bowl champion NFL coach, still at the top of his game to this day. Sean Payton. He loves Sean. I do love John. He's my favorite NFL football.

Any like movie stars or? You know who else went to Eastern Illinois? Who? The aforementioned Tony Romo. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Movie stars. Which Tony Romo? Affirmation? The aforementioned. I didn't see any movie stars or actors around. But who knew? I had no idea. Eastern Illinois pumped out all these.

Can we tell you the Brad Childers story again? As told to us by former Viking punter and total whack bag, Chris Cluey. Regular member of this program for a few years. A few years. Chris Cluey, otherwise known as Chris Warcraft. What a wild card he is. But he told us this great story about when Brad Childers was the head coach of the Vikings. So they all file into this big meeting room for their daily video thing, whatever they do, right?

Yep. And once everyone was seated, Brad Childers says to the ball club, he says, everyone looked down between your feet under your chair there's something down there don't touch it yet he said it's going to come up later but he said what you have down there it was like and cluey looked down like everyone else it was a little box with a lid on it and childers said in a minute we're going to talk about what you have down there underneath your chair and you boys should know inside those boxes are the keys to this Sunday's victory over Green Bay.

The key to our win coming up this Sunday is in those boxes. He went on to talk about some other things. At the end of the meeting, he said, okay, boys, it's time for you to reach down. Go ahead, reach down, pick up that box under your chair, open it up. And what you'll find in there is our key to a victory this Sunday against Green Bay. And when all the players, including Chris Cluey, open up the box, inside the box, you know what was in there. Cubby knows what was in there. I do.

A mirror. You know, you gentlemen, you are the keys to our victory. And everyone in the room said, are you freaking kidding me? Now, he is a published author, Chris Cluey. But he promised, he said, once I'm out of the NFL, I'm going to write a book about all the goofy things that Childress would do. He said he was kind of like that. He'd try and get a little over-creative. Some of the speeches.

He hasn't written that book yet, but that was the one story I remember. God, I thought that was corny in high school. NFL players making millions of dollars. Me? I'm the key? It's me? I've seen stuff like that before, you know, where it's like maybe the school counselor gives a speech in front of the entire school.

They use some sort of dramatic prop. It's just a little uncomfortable. By the way, paper hauling Jesus has texted in to say that the Golden Gofer Football Club is favored by 40 points tonight against Eastern Illinois, the alma mater of Tony Roma, the alma mater of Brad Childers, and Sean Payton, and Kevin Duckworth. And who did I mention? We covered all of them. So is this one of those deals where a college team pays another college team to come in and get embarrassed? I believe so. You know, the team gets like 500 grand or something like that. Yep. Something like that. All right, a minute ago we mentioned that tonight's football game is on

the Peacock Network. Here we go. The word is man bear pigs games this season will be shown on Amazon Prime video. You guys know that I am a complete novice when it comes to any conversation about these streaming services versus cable versus this or the. I know. So I'm just going to guess this is not a popular idea amongst local state of hockey types that they have to watch the pigs on Amazon Prime. You know, I've seen both.

Because it costs $20 a month or $100 for the whole season, I think, is how they're working it out. Yeah, I've seen people just glad that it's going to be one place, right? They can find it. But like you said, it's like one more thing you've got to pay for. Right. They got a new TV network, which goes by the name of Wild Plus. But the thing is, though, I think this kind of has people fired up, though, about it, is even if you have Amazon Prime, you have to pay for an additional tier in order to watch Wild Games.

There you go. So even if you have prime video, you're not going to be able to watch games. You've got to buy the tier is $20 bucks a month or $100 for the full year. One more time, $100 for the full year? Yep, or $20 a month. Right. So that's what's got people really upset. It's like, well, I already pay for the streaming service.

Now I've got to pay more if I want to watch the wild. Like, that's not bundled in with the $15.99 I'm already paying. I mean, it won't be every game. If I'm understanding this correctly, it won't be every game. The pigs will still be on cable now and again. They'll still be on over-the-air television now and again. Somebody says, or a couple people now are texting and saying there is a channel on cable that's going to have every game. Direct TV is going to have it?

Okay. It's so confusing. I don't understand. That's the part. It's so confusing. I'll believe anything you tell me about this. Do you know who really hates all this streaming services and every game's on a different service and then that is the bar owners? Yeah.

Because it used to be they just have cable and they'd be like, all right, that one's on TNT, that one's on ESPN2. have them all going. Now they're casting them from like the bartender's phone and stuff. It's just miserable for them. Did you ever go to your neighborhood bar for the big boxing match or the big wrestling pay-per-view and the bar owner was using a cheater box? And the dude, I mean, he loved it. He or she because the place was sold out to watch WrestleMania or Mike Tyson versus Evanderhood, whatever. But the some bitch looked nervous the entire evening because he kept waiting for the cable police to walk in and, uh, I wonder, maybe something. somebody can let us know. So if you live out of

market and you're a wild fan, can you watch that on Amazon Prime or do they just keep it looking? That's the whole other can of worms with that because I know there's Twins fans in Iowa that can't watch Twins games even if they have the package because they're technically in the market. It's all so stupid. And then whenever

we have these conversations, of course, texts are rolling in saying, go out and get the new cheater box, go get the VC box, whatever it is. Yes, we're aware of it. We're aware of it. I haven't pulled the trigger on such a thing. But yes, it's an option and we all know about it. Okay.

We're hoping to hear from, I think we're counting on hearing from Randy Schaver and Brad writer tomorrow. The boys had the day off. Cubby a text message has come into the program ski and listen to this here. He says, first time text her, 30 year listener. Wow. Wow. Shoot.

Thanks. You've put up with a lot. Yeah, you have. He says, I went out and got myself some border bash. tickets. He's excited for the event. That text comes from Bearded Bush Latte. Jesus, yes, coming up, buy damn the border bash. Our fifth annual, Brotherhood Border Bash. We're heading back across the Godforsaken cheddar curtain. And this time, the party is in the afternoon. I'm looking forward to this format. That's going to be a lot nicer, I think, for

everybody. October 9th and 10th. Be aware. We got about a month to load up for the Brotherhood Border Bash, October 9th and 10th at St. Croix Casino, Turtle Lake, of course, fifth time in a row, fifth year in a row, October 9th and 10th. It says you're joined Nick, Cubby, Danil, and the smash, along with the glorious brotherhood and sisterhood for a very special live afternoon broadcast in the sports book at Turtle Lake Casino beginning at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. October 9th, 3 o'clock in the afternoon. That's when our very first afternoon broadcast

will cut loose upon society. There'll be a lunch buffet before, a little happy hour afterwards. I'm so excited. Yeah, I think the new format sounds pretty great. If you want to get in on this gimmick, take yourself over to 93X.com. We've got all the information you need. Now, our promotion,

staff, the boss, Amy, raced in here a half hour ago. Speaking of, you know, half-assed morning show or 93X related events, Amy came running in here about a half hour ago. And it says here, tickets to our Rock the River Booze crews are now down to 20 available tickets.

Yesterday we were told it was 40 now it's on to 20. That's it. It won't make any more. We got the biggest boat already. Can't get a bigger one there. Oh, and the Hogbauer T-shirts. Hogbauer Automotive is a sponsor. Restocked.

Of course, top sponsor here. Third Avenue of Main Street, Hoggauer Automotive. Hogbauer, sorry. Yes, the Hogbauer Automotive T-shirts have been restocked at the State Fair. We'll see you tomorrow from 10 to noon. People have been buying them up.

Two different... Thank you for that. Two different colors of Hoggbauer automotive t-shirt. I bought one of each. It ain't how much. It's how much you got. And thanks again to Hogbauer for sponsoring the program. Social anxiety, Jesus says, is that afternoon broadcast is going to be going live over the year?

Yes, much to the chagrin of afternoon listeners that will be live. Yeah. It's a first ever afternoon broadcast. It's going to be so weird, but I'm super psyched for it. It will be weird. All right. How would you like to tackle another one of these hypothetical questions that gains steam on social media? Everybody chimes in.

Everybody's got something to say. And this is a tough one, I think, really tough one. So this is the latest viral hypothetical question. You restart your life at 10 years of age with all the knowledge you have now. Or right now someone dumps $2 million into your bank account. This is easy for me. Letter Buck. I would take the money because there is no way that I would be able to

recreate every single event perfectly that has happened in my life that has led me to where I am now and I like where I am now. I like my husband. I like my baby and I don't want to risk that not happening. Well, there you go. I think you kind of go insane being a 10 year old with all the knowledge of an adult, you know? Oh my gosh, right? That would just, that would mess with me, I think.

I don't know. Sorry, Josh. Try to have a conversation with your classmates who are 10 years old. and you're so much more intelligent than them? I think that would be difficult at times. Data, you're giving me too much credit. I think I've got about a 10-year-old sense of humor. Oh, I definitely have the same sense of humor.

To be honest, the first place my mind when you said that, Dana was like, imagine, like, you know how good a beer tastes and you can't have one anymore. Are you serious? Yeah, you're on the playground. I'm like, hey, who's got the weed? Who's got the weed? None of what you folks are saying is talking me out of my answer.

I want to start this pig over again at 10 years old with everything that I know now, not that I know a hell of a lot, but I know way more than I did the first time I was 10 years old. I'm starting this some bitch over, and Cubby, it is going to be glorious. Two million dollars is great.

I can walk away from this nightmare and live happily for the rest of my life. But I love the idea of starting over at 10, and I know every day, I'm going to do some damage, brother. Think about, you know, betting on Super Bowl. You'd be prolific. Investing in, like, Bitcoin.

I would buy Bitcoin. I didn't even consider. I don't know. Somebody might, like the FBI might come and check you out. Like, hey, what's going on with like all these winnings, all this? I didn't even consider making money on ball games. I was just talking about just the sheer fun. Because the alternative is $2 million.

I was thinking you could make way more than $2 million knowing, you know, what business. Good point. The first thing I do is I put all my money in Enron. Everything I got. And I would just keep investing and investing, investing. I'd be walking around as a 16-year-old in my second run at life. I'd be walking around as a 16-year-old, and people would say, as a 16-year-old, by the way, it was 1987, and people would say, you put all your money on the twins to win the World Series?

Yeah. What are you crazy? I want to do it again, son. Certain companies, he'd just buy stock in certain companies? Just killing it from one end of town to the other. Although, I'll be honest, right now I don't even know how to buy stock. Oh, no, I definitely need somebody to walk me. through that. I'd have to learn how to buy stock and this is where you put it.

Where would you go, Josh? Two million or that 10-year-old life all over again? Oh, the 10-year-old. Yeah. Reasons. Yeah. I remember the choices that got me here. See, I don't know. Some folks are overthinking it. You know, here's somebody who commented on the choice here is you either start your life over at 10 years old with all the knowledge you have now or you instantly have $2 million in your bank account. People are overthinking it. One guy says, it basically comes down to whether I want to be the world's most depressed 10-year-old or become financially stable. You mean the depressed 10-year-old that, quote-unquote, invented Nintendo?

I think you'd be doing okay. Think all the cool things you pretend you came up with. Dude. What if you changed it a little bit and, like, you went back to being 10 years old today, like in this time period, not back when you were 10. Oh, I would hate that. I have zero interest in being a kid today. Yeah, that doesn't, I mean, then you wouldn't really know what's up. Yeah.

You don't know what's next. I feel sympathy for kids today because, as we all know, we are living in a full-on nightmare right now, a nightmare. Yeah. Okay, so people are saying the question, it doesn't say it here. The question is, would you be 10 right now? Is that what it's really, because that obviously changes everybody's answer, I think. It says restart your life at 10 years old. So personally, I'm picturing it.

I'm going back to 1980. That's how I took it. Yeah, same here. Yeah, that's what I thought. That's an easy one for me. I love money and everything, but I want to do it again. I'd love to hear that hit single you wrote Nick, pour some sugar on me. Wouldn't that be something?

All the great songs you quote unquote wrote. This kid seems dumb as balls, but he came up with an album called Hysteria? It's incredible. It sold 88 million copies, this kid? He wrote Hysteria. The song's called Thrill. you're saying silly I didn't think he knew what hysteria meant he wrote an album called hysteria I'd be up there on stage Josh I'd be saying uh what were some of the

things they said on that record and I want and I need and I loave and I'm out oh oh think about like all the who somebody we like a lady you could date that turns out to be you could pick all these like people that turned out to be nuts like people who We were like, I love Bill Cosby. I love the Cosby Show. He could say, just wait on that. Everybody just hold out. Don't say too many nice things about him.

Dude. You like the Cosby Show, huh? Hang on to your ass. What do you mean? Bill, he's the most lovable guy on television. I don't know. I got a feeling about that guy. He's a herrick's grandfather.

I got a feeling. You heard it here first. Just remember me. I got a feeling about that guy. All right. We ought to take a break here shortly. Well, first, just answer me this real quick. You know, I'm looking through the internet up and down.

And a lot of folks, by the way, are texting in on this, starting your life again at 10 years old or having $2 million dumped into your bank. We'll have a minute or two to ourselves to sift through these text messages. I want to see what some of you are saying. But first, I wanted your take on this. I found this on the internet, too. Would this concern you at all, Josh? if you saw

Do people still post Flyers on telephone polls anymore? Yeah, I see him Come see my band or I lost my dog or garage sale. Definitely, yeah. Really? Yeah, we've got a few in the neighborhood. Coffee shops, too?

Coffee shops? What about coffee shops? They got like the bullden board inside. People post things up in there. Sure. With this concern you, I just looked at a picture. Or someone posted a sign on a telephone poll, Summers. It's got a picture of a kitty.

Aw, look at a little kitty. And the sign says, Lost Cat, please return dead or alive. Well, they want some closure, I guess. Yeah, I suppose I understand a little bit when one of our family, or when our family dog ran away once. like that was my parents vibe like okay if something happened to him like somebody like at least tell us like don't be a don't be a loser like if you hit him with your car or something like tell us we need

to know you have two kids here he did not end up getting hit by a car broke his leg but he lived you know like 10 more years please return you wanted to find out what happened yeah dead or alive all right we got to take a break we've been pumping away here for quite a while it's time to take a breather. We'll be back in a few minutes here on the half-assed morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is

just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to BialkiLaw.com. That's BIA. L-K-E-L-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Half-assed morning show. It's not just the swearing. Did one of you

fornicate? Fornicate? Look, I've boned a lot of chicks in my time, sure. But as far as I can recall, I've never fornicated anybody. 93X. It's 829. Appreciate you listening to the program today.

It's the Thursday show. Hell, we'll wrap it up tomorrow. That sounds pretty good to me. A few of our wonderful listeners have been chipping in on the text machine, 651, 989, 93, brought to you by Luther Bloomington, Kia. A few listeners have been chipping in is how I meant to say it. On the latest wacky, life-changing scenario that everyone's been banging on social media. We brought it up.

you got to choose one of the other. You restart your life. You go back to when you were 10 years old and you restart your life with all of the knowledge you have now. Or somebody dumps $2 million into your bank account. Which do you choose? We went back and forth. We went this way.

We went that way. A few of our listeners have thoughts on it. Here's a question. If I started over at 10, at 10, if I started over at 10 years old, does that mean I would get the pleasure of rediscovering myself? Oh.

Well, it says you have all the knowledge you have now as an adult. He wants to go back to the first time he touched himself, Josh. Well, as you know, mine was an accident. I was cleaning too thoroughly. It wasn't planning on it. It just happened. And it went off. Yeah, I would avoid that.

Now that I know. You would avoid it? Yeah, I would never clean it. started something awful. Another listener said this, if you started over at 10, with all the knowledge that you have now, think of all the missed opportunities to hook up that you missed because you were too stupid. Oh, that is a good one. I really can only think of one.

Is that the bath girl? Yeah, well, I shouldn't say I was, okay. I didn't miss any subtle signs and later go, oh my gosh, there was a subtle. It was a very overt invitation that I turned down because I'm like, I, you know, I got a girlfriend. I can't. And then she said, I don't care. And I still said, well, I do. And then I immediately, pretty much a week and a half later, we broke up, me and this girlfriend.

I thought missed opportunity there. We dudes are big, dumb animals. We've missed obvious signs from women every damn last one of us. So the theory is that if you go back to 10 years old and you have all the knowledge, you have now, you're not going to miss any of those opportunities. You're going to pick up on every one of them. I wouldn't guarantee that just because you start your life over at 10. Yeah, the same things aren't going to happen.

A guy can miss those signals at 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. Doesn't guarantee you're going to bat a thousand. But I remember my, that moment where I missed an brutally obvious signal. the subtle ones I don't remember probably because they were so subtle and I was too dumb to follow but I do remember one huge one Josh do you remember there was a song we played on the radio here for a stretch of time and there was a line in the song that said oh god now I can't think of it something about you and me getting naked right uh yes god dang it was that um puddle of mud there Let's get naked.

Something along those lines, right? So a gal that I was familiar with called me on the telephone, and we're just talking, small talk. I had no idea. She had any interest in me at all. And she said, hey, this morning on the radio show, you guys played that song about you and me getting naked. And I said, oh, yeah, that band, I had an answer for her then, I don't now.

But I said, yeah, what about that song? And she said, that line about getting naked. She said, kind of makes me think about me and you. And I said, yeah, I don't really like that band very much. So anyway, what else is going? hung up the phone and realized, oh, Jesus. All right, what else are people saying about this scenario? Starting your life over again at 10 with all the knowledge in the world or $2 million in the bank.

Now, some people are thinking heroically. Yeah, that's great that people are thinking this way. You kind of have to or else you suck. You would have to be some kind of hero character or you suck? Yeah, like if you know some really awful things, are going to happen and you're like, ah, whatever, I'm just going to come over here betting on football. Like, nah, come on. Well, here we're coming up on the anniversary of one, September 11th. Can you imagine if you could warn people about that? Dude, that's a big one. Yeah. Yeah, someone texted

in and say, I imagine you could save a lot of lives warning people about this and that before something bad happened. So some people are thinking about it heroically. School shootings, I mean, the shooting in Las Vegas. some huge things you could hopefully prevent. You said you would go back to 10-year-old with adult knowledge. You said that, Josh. I agreed with you. A listener says, Josh only wants to go back in time so we can see his grandma's boobies again.

No, I would avoid seeing that. I would just hold it. I got up, I had to pee. It wasn't my fault. What was she doing? Why were they so good? It was awful. Another listener says, if I knew what I knew now, huh?

How did he say it? If I knew what I know now, he said, wouldn't change much, I would still fail high school algebra. Yeah, I never figured that algebra out either. So some things wouldn't change. Some would. Some wouldn't. Yeah, I'd try harder in school, I think. What are you talking about?

You got damn near all A's. No, I mean, it wasn't. I had a couple. I really didn't get all A's. I could have put more effort into it. I wish I would have paid a little more attention or there's certain things I just didn't really, you know, all I wanted to do. do was be a rock guitar player. I didn't focus. School meant a lot less to me. I suppose maybe that's pretty common, right?

I would say so. For some people. All right. More anxiety than Hair Jason makes a good point. He said, who's going to listen to a 10-year-old? Yeah? Yeah. The other 10-year-olds? I don't need to... No, I mean, like, if you're trying to, like, prevent something terrible from happening, no one's going to listen to you. Well, if we're going back, I mean, I'd be an adult when September 11th happened. Right. Right. Yeah, but I hear what he's saying, like, at 10 years old, if I was going to bring that up, they'd probably just put me in time. You'd probably be put in, like, a mental asylum at some point.

They'd be like, all right, it's been like eight years. You won't let go of all these things. What's going on? Just don't say anything to anybody. Just show up and physically stop the problem. You're right. If I walked up to an adult in 1980 and said, look out for that airplane hijack or something, people would say, what?

Yeah, you're an idiot. You're nuts. You have to just physically show up and do it yourself. Yeah. All of those disaster movies has that one crazy scientist whose hair is wild and his papers are going everywhere and he's warning everybody. But they're just laughing at the guy. And then the exact same thing that he was worrying about comes and it happens. It's funny.

A lot of people are saying, hey, you know, if you have insider knowledge on all these terrible things, you're going to start to look pretty guilty. Yeah, you're going to jail. Wait a minute. How do you know about all this stuff? All right. Go ahead and talk to me. talk to me about this here. The topic is this.

What's the rudest thing you can do at somebody else's house? I'm going to say take a in their mailbox, but I don't know. I'm sure that that's up there, dude. It's not on the list. Or the upper deck. The rudest thing you can do at someone else's house.

All right, here's how the story begins. When you go over to someone else's house. Are you on your best behavior? Or do you snoop around a little bit? I do not snoop. I've never snooped. Like when I have a house set, I guess, for a family member, maybe a little bit of snooping, but nobody's there. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I picture you as a snooper, Ashley. You're very curious and you like drama. I'm very curious. I'll admit, when I was a kid, I snooped.

What kind of snooping? I'll look under the bed, look in a drawer or two, see what's going on. Yes, when I was a kid. Ever find anything? I don't remember, but I remember that I was... You probably know if it was something significant. It wasn't every time. No, I don't remember anything significant.

It wasn't every time. But I will admit, when I was a kid, you know, 12, 13 years old, you're at somebody else's house. Maybe you find yourself alone in a bedroom. I'm not looking at a drug. Yeah, but that was when I was a kid. I certainly haven't done anything like that as a grown person. I used to pet sit for a woman who, when she was a flight attendant.

So, like, I'd stay at her house for a week at a time. I never... You must have. have gone through everything. No, I never did. What? I don't know. It's weird. I've got like, even if there's, let's say, somebody on my front porch, right? And I've got cameras everywhere. I feel like, anyway, I shouldn't even go into it. But I feel like I'm violating their privacy by staring too long at the camera and they're

on my property. I got a weird thing going on. You are, again, the straightest some bitch that has ever lived. It's weird. Honestly, it's strange. So, yeah, I've never pee, I've never done any of that. Your security cameras point to your property. My property. In order to keep an eye on shady some bitches that might be on your property. That's right.

And when you look at the security camera and you see somebody out there, you feel like you're invading their privacy. You nailed it. Right. The rudest thing you can do at someone else's house. Okay. So it continues on to say, do you snoop around? Do you secretly judge what you're seeing?

their couches the general upkeep things like that oh I know some people who are big on that yep and that's why I'm absolutely insane before people come over my husband's like why do we need to clean to this level and I'm like because I'm mentally sick in the head I don't want people thinking my house is dirty

I know some people who will visit a home and then as soon as they're out the front door they'll say oh my God can you believe the rug and the couches and the paint colors and the this and that. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know people like that too. Yep.

A manners expert, Josh. That could have been you. Oh, I learned a few things about manners. I dated a girl who was in a sorority, and they took manners classes. Oh. And so actually, right now I would enrage her, because I, you guys know every once while I wear a hoodie, right? So I pushed up my sleeves, and she hated that. If I was wearing long sleeves and I pushed my sleeves up, she said it,

was rude. So that was one of the... I think she failed her manners classes at the sorority. If she thinks pushing your sleeves up is rude. Well, it's one of many things. Like putting your elbows on a table, she was big on, didn't like that. Well, see, I've heard that before. Have you heard this one? Marrying the salt and pepper? Marrying? So if... Yes, what is that? I've heard... Oh, I'm forgetting what that is.

So like, Nick, if you say, can you pass the salt, I say, well, certainly. And I grab the salt and pepper. And I hand... Even though you just asked for the salt. They was rude if you did not from what she told me. What an idiot. She was very classy and I was anything but. Yeah, that's 100% how it is, especially in those sororities and like higher up brats. You have to perform a certain way.

Some of those examples of poor manners are ridiculous. But a manners expert has chimed in on this conversation of the rudest thing you can do at somebody else's house. and they say when someone tells you to make yourself at home, they don't mean literally. So here are the rudest things you can do in someone else's house. Touching and moving things.

Yeah, just don't do that. That's weird. I can't imagine. I don't think it's just weird. Moving things sounds a little ridiculous, but let's go back to touching things. I suppose they mean picking up a trophy off of a shelf

and taking a close look at it I don't really know what they mean exactly. That's what I'm picturing but I can't be certain. Certainly moving things like hey your Ottoman shouldn't be there. It should be over that's ridiculous. You've got to be mental. But a touch, I don't know.

I mean, if I pick up a picture on a mantle then take a closer look and am I being rude? I don't know. I'm sure I've done that. Like you said, to take a closer look at something, or maybe you see a book on a shelf and go, oh, I'm kind of curious about this one. Yeah.

Bray, I can't imagine going, gosh, you know what? I think your toaster oven would look a lot better on that counter over there. Yeah, you just start rearranging the kitchen. Expecting a tour, it says here, if your guest wants to be shown every room, you know, I'd like a tour. Supposedly, that is rude. right. I mean, I get that. If I want to give you a tour of the house, I'll bring it up.

Maybe there are things that I don't want you to see in my house. So I guess I can understand that it would be rude if I walk into your house, Josh, and say, well, I would like a tour. I wonder if some people do that to be polite. As in I'm very interested in your home. Probably, probably, yeah. Oversaying, you're welcome. I'm surprised this wasn't tops on the list. And I'm surprised. this didn't make the list twice. Yeah. Because there aren't a lot of things as miserable as some some bitch who can't take the hint. Go home. Oversaying, you're welcome.

It's in the universal things you start cleaning up and kind of ignoring them a little bit. Kind of give them the hint. Or you go, Welp. Yep. Slapped the knees. Yeah. Well, this is fun. Everybody knows when you go Welp and a bit of a stretch.

Time to go. W-E-L-P-W-E-L-P. Absolutely. Yon, stretch, well, That means get your sad carcass out of my house. Or you say, well, I suppose, that's another one. Uh-huh. This is pretty rude right here as we're rolling through what are, according to a manor's expert and some other folks.

These are the rudest things you can do in someone else's house, aside from the obvious, you know, terrible things. Like we were joking around about taking a dump in their mailbox or giving them an upper decker. We're avoiding the obvious. hiding a mess, and they define that as, like, say, you accidentally spill a drink on their carpet and then just put your foot over it until you leave. That's free bush. Yeah, that's just lame. I would say just showing up without any heads up could be on that list.

I've had people tell me before, like, oh, I was in your neighborhood the other day, and I was going to pop by. And I'm like, don't do that ever, ever. Josh, it's interesting. That's an interesting one because I used to live, as you know, in a, or I should say on a high traffic road in the center of my hometown and didn't have a wife, didn't have any kids. My place was the spot. And this started when my brother and I were young. Because of the location and because of the lack of rules or authority, my place. became that spot. And nine, eight times out of ten, I didn't mind it. People dropped by all the time.

And eight times out of ten, I didn't mind it. But there were a couple times where I just wanted to say, Jesus, can I just get two hours to myself? It's probably an age thing, because when I was younger, I would have loved that. Now I wouldn't mind a heads up. You know, a lot of guys that I hung out with 20 years ago, and I still hang out with them, I get it. They were married guys. They needed that what's the word like a safe spot they needed a getaway spot i i understand that but going back to oberstaying you're welcome you can't just sit there for eight hours with me you got to go at some point so it's a it's a fine line there it's a tricky situation i

usually enjoyed when someone would drop by how would you feel about it now very different very differently i uh how about this one this person says the Rudest thing visiting a house. My wife is notorious for walking into a home. If the floors are dirty, she'll grab a broom and sweep right in front of her house. She thinks she's doing them a favor, but I get thoroughly embarrassed. Yeah, I'd be embarrassed. That's kind of insane that she does that.

Does she go and look for a broom? Is that some type of second level OCD madness? You know, it could be because somebody else, I lost the text, but they said if they see a crooked picture, they have to fix it. All right, I'm like that. It'll drive you up a wall. Yeah, I'm definitely like that. Josh, a listener, texted in to our Luther-Bloomington Keya text line and said,

You're talking about the rudest thing you can do at somebody else's house. Yeah. He said, it's got to be effing the mom. Yeah, or the significant other, sure. That's pretty rude. Come over and eff their mom. All right. Somebody cut loose with a little.

with a report on the rudest things you can do at someone else's house. We've been talking back and forth. Got a lot of response here on the text machine. Let me tell you what our listing audience has to say. Well, you know, one of the items on this list is making a mess, leaving a mess, being messy in general at somebody else's house. Here's a listener who said I had a friend that pissed the couch, flipped the the cushion over and left.

Oh, come on. That's not a friend. That's terrible. Actually, like I was saying, I dealt with things like that again because my house was the party spot. You basically lived in a trap house. And when we were young, especially, what is a trap house? It's like a house you go to to like drink, do drugs, maybe buy drugs, that kind of

vibe. Yeah. Okay, I never heard that name before, but sure, I'll go along with it. I'll call it a trap house. Yeah. Because it was just this lawless. party house that I was probably too wide open to, sure, come on over, sure, come on over. It's partially my fault that, especially when we were young before we smartened up a little bit,

no one treated that place with any respect at all. And after a while, it drove me crazy. Broke something? Who cares? This is the party house. Total mess left behind? Who cares? This is the party house.

I had to flip out on a couple of guys and say, this is, not. I live here. I mean, I know this is, you're just here to drink, but I frigging. It got a little tiring. Similar story here. A listener says a coworker and his wife came over to my house. She drank too much. She puked in our laundry basket and didn't tell us.

That's terrible. Oh, that's must-off. That is rude. Just don't puke in my house in general. If you're going to puke, leave. On the list that was provided to us from the internet, snooping fell into play. snooping is one of the rudest things you can do at someone else's house. Take a wild guess where this one's going.

A listener says, I learned my lesson on snooping. I was with my buddy. At his house, we were 13. We were going through his mother's dresser drawers, and we found her big giant two-story tall vibrator. I'd be mortified. I think it's worse for mom, though? Probably, right?

Yep. If she finds out. Yeah, I mean, if she finds out. Yeah, you got to put that thing back exactly where it was and just slowly shut the door so nothing looks like it was moved around. Yeah. You know who is definitely finding out the entire class. Every seventh or eighth grade or whatever grade they were in.

They were 13 years old, so seventh or eighth grade. I think it's really rude. People don't take their shoes off in my house, especially because I was telling you guys that I usually clean a little bit extra before people come over, and that includes scrubbing the floors on my hands and knees because I'm crazy. and I hate when they just walk in and then walk up the stairs and they're like, oh, sorry, I forgot to take my shoes off.

What? How? There's like 17 pairs of shoes by the front door. I think that's on the list. And I know a few people checked in with the same thing. You should at least ask. The shoe rule. Well, wait, Josh, why did I see you stomping around in the mud at Ashley's son's birthday party

then immediately go inside the house and walk upstairs? Because I ran out of mud on my first pair. I wanted to track more mud in. I got two pairs for that reason. Actually, I ran out of poop in the first. The shoe rule does make the list, and I'm big on that. Got a text from medical device Jesus who said, Take your mother effing shoes off when you walk into my house.

It drives me crazy. I have a shoe rule. All right. Now, unfortunate accidents can happen while you're visiting somebody else's house. Check out these two stories right here. 715 Wildman, Mildman, Jesus says, first sleepover he ever went to it. as a kid. I like the way he says this.

I had to rock a piss. I've heard that in a while. I'm going to start saying that. But his friend's mother was in the bathroom, the only bathroom. So he upped and pissed on the carpet. On the carpet? And he said he's pretty sure his friend caught all the heat for that. First sleepover, he was a little kid.

I'm guessing. I'm just going to take a stab. I mean, I know my first sleepover, we were probably five. So he's a little kid. There's nowhere to go. He pissed on the car. And then there's this one. Would this qualify as leaving a mess?

A listener wants to know. As a five-year-old kid, I had an accident at a friend's house. Five-year-old. I pooed in my pants. Poor kid. Instead of going home and changing my pants, I reached into them. Oh, no, no. And pulled out a perfect sphere of poop.

Then I rolled it on. one of the beds at the house and I went home. I got a really gross one. I mean, not that that was a gross, but this is worse. I bet you the cat or dog got a beating. And they had no idea why. We got to get rid of the dog. I can't believe what he did.

You got one for us, Cubby, on our way out? Yeah, this was in high school and it was a sleepover. One of the kids, this is so gross. You tugged off, didn't you? No, I didn't tug off. I'm just taking a guess. But somebody did. Oh, no.

Oh, I know this one. It's sick. gross. I hate it. And he, you know, he abused a towel and he threw it behind my friend's dryer, right? He wanted to hide it. And so my friend's mom eventually found it. Oh, no. And I don't know if he told her what happened or what. Who the hell tugs off at their buddy's house? That's what I can't get past. There's more. But yeah. You guys were Catholic kids. This was maybe even senior year of high school. Oh, that's even worse. It was junior or senior. Yeah, it was awful. It was awful. Don't tug off at your friend's house.

Yeah, and they were like, so he told my friend, he's like, oh, yeah, you know, I might have thrown up in a towel and threw it back there. And obviously people. Thrown up, he said. No, knew the difference. Yeah, anyone can tell the difference. He was not ashamed by that. I won a contest once by telling the difference. Did you really?

He has a wild television show years ago. That's disgusting and wrong. Put that towel in your back pocket and get the hell out of it. Wrap it around your head. Just leave your shoes on. a headband. Wrap that towel around your head like a headband and get the hell out of there. Yeah, I don't know what happened there. That would have been pretty frustrated if that happened in my house. We don't do that here. What's wrong with you? Tomorrow's Friday, Cubby.

Yeah, state fair. If you get an opportunity, tomorrow about 10. Well, as soon as we can get to the state fair, after the show, we're going to go out there, stay there until at least noon. Fully restocked on Hogbauer T-shirts, if you're interested. If not, just come over and say hi. That'd be awesome to get an opportunity to meet more people. fifth anniversary to total smoke show. Mrs. Booby Cooler, Jesus from Mr. Boobie Cooler Jesus. Happy Dirty 30 tomorrow to Northwest Hollywood, Jesus from Sits on Babies, Jesus. Happy early birthday to Barsaw Jesus, our pal, Barsaw Jesus.

Today's is Friday. They're hitting the lake tomorrow. Won't be able to listen, so happy early birthday from... Not my pal, but whatever, go ahead. He's our pal from Property Line, Jesus. And happy birthday to Ariana, turning the double-dust. digits 10 today from dad. It is a big deal.

Gosh, yeah, do you remember being that age and thinking like, oh, God? Like, I remember being, like, nervous. I thought I was, like, becoming such a big kid. Yeah, he couldn't wait to be a teenager and he hit 10. That's pretty cool. Happy birthday to you. Crazy bastard Jesus text us that. 93X half-assed morning show.

Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as many. We know what season is coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up

or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Online at standardheating.com.