93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Joth the Goth

Episode Date: February 25, 2026

Originally Aired February 25, 2026: How to save a (bird's) life. Nuts and nipples. Everything you wanna know about picking up dog poop with your hands. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-assed morning show. 90. Oh, Christ. It is 540. I got to get into character here.

It's Wednesday. We want to make you feel welcome. We appreciate you going ahead and punching up the 93X half-ass morning show. F me running. Did anyone else get a kick out of our drive home from work yesterday? Yesterday on the way home was one of the top five white knuckleers. I've ever had on the way in or out of this place. And my goodness, there are a lot of accidents.

Yeah, that was weird. I hate when it happens when the roads get bad while you're on the road because then you don't really know how to judge it yet. On the way in was bad for you yesterday, Josh? No, I said the way home is one of the top five worst I've ever had on the way in or out of work. I hear you. Sometimes, you know, we'll come in and it's pretty bad, hasn't been plowed, that kind of thing. But yesterday, that freezing rain, I got an alert right before we'll

left. I remember that. I was like, winter weather advisory. And I made fun of it. So did Nick. Nick's like, nothing's going to happen. Nothing's happening. And we go outside and there's ice on our vehicles. I couldn't get on 280. There was a big crash over there. Oh, thank God I missed that. So I went over to 35 and before getting on there, there was a big crash. I don't know if you saw that too, Nick. I left a little after you. Where was there a big crash? Right before 35 on, was a university or fourth? I forget right there. Big crash there. There was 35 northbound. was basically down to one lane because there was a semi and a box truck that crashed. People were sliding out all over the place.

It was nuts yesterday. Oh, my gosh. And I had no idea it was coming. Our drive home from work time is a little out of the ordinary. We're usually cartwheeling out of the building around 10, 30, 11 o'clock in the morning. And that's around the time. Cubby and I both bolted summers around that time yesterday. And it was quite possibly the iciest road condition.

I'd ever driven upon. And I got to admit, it became straight up comedy. The fun part for me was watching people merge into traffic and suddenly realize just how icy the roads were. Yeah, that's always fun. I watched two or three people, and they all looked around, when they got out onto the roadway, they all looked around as if they were thinking,

why is everybody going so slow? And then when their vehicle began to fish tail uncontrollably, it dawned upon them, that we were all attempting to drive on a perfectly formed sheet of ice. Never saw anybody crash. Everybody was able to hold it together. But on the freeway and on my side streets, people were struggling to keep her out the ditches. I'm telling you, as treacherous as it was, maybe it was a lack of sleep. But as treacherous as it was, it was also hilarious.

I couldn't help but enjoy it a little bit. I know what you mean, yeah. Usually it's like a 23 to 25 minute drive for me. It took me an hour. Oh my gosh. You know, I had to go a completely different way. I suppose. So many accidents.

Dang. Yeah, you're right, though. Some people were like, you know, I'm still going to go as fast as I want to go, despite everybody else. And then one guy I saw slide almost into the back of a semi. I thought he's dead. He decided to cut across all lanes of traffic as fast as he possibly could. That's smart.

when the roads are nice. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there's some dummies out there yesterday, and you probably drove by him in a ditch somewhere. That was a hell of a deal. Hell of a deal. Quickly as it showed up, it was gone. I know. Then all of a sudden, the sun was out, and it was a perfect day. Yeah, all of a sudden it got really warm out.

What is happening? I went out and got the mail like an hour after I got home, and I had salted my driveway, so I'm sure that helped. But pretty much everywhere that just started to melt. Yeah. Ah, man. We made her. everybody uh everybody was able to make her home oh wow and as soon as i got home i jumped right on social media and i started vague posting oh i like to do that kind of thing are you are you a vague

poster i hate that i loved reading about vague posting so much like i when people would post those i thought i got to get in on this you started social media accounts just so you could get in on vague posting heck yeah yep is this are you being truthful you like to vague post just to mess with people? I don't have social media so I would not be posting. I was reading. I'll post something like there's a real, there's this new trend that I really want to get into.

And I just leave it at that. Oh my God. Honestly, that's the pisses me on so much. It's pretty annoying. I've been reading about vague posting this morning. Everybody's doing it. Also, not being a social media type person.

I'm not I can't say that. I've ever seen a vague post. Even worse, though, I know a vague talker, a vague speaker, where everything's a riddle. Oh, yeah. And it drives me up the effing wall. I know a guy who this is his game, saw your buddy today, and then I have to guess who he's referring to. It drives me friggin' nuts. Hey, so I read that your favorite band's coming to town. Okay, that could be any number of, so I'm somewhat familiar with the game. I've been doing this thing lately, and it's like a, it's a bad crutch.

I don't know what's going on at home, and my husband's been, I guess, not so nice about it. I keep going, like, hey, you know what I'm thinking? And he's like, no, how could I possibly know what you're thinking? I'm like, oh, all right, sorry. I don't know why I keep doing that, or I'll be like, you know what I was wondering the other day? He's like, what? What, we just get to it right away. You ask him to guess what you were thinking or guess what you were wondering?

I was like, I'm sorry. I don't know why I can't stop doing it. Oh, that's awful, Ashley. I know. I feel so bad. I have a friend who likes to vague text, and it's usually because he wants to be the first person to tell you something. And it's usually things everybody already knew, like a big breaking story or something like that. And so he'll just send something like, hey, how about that news, huh?

And then you have to say, it's always, it ends with a huh. And then you have to say, oh, what news? Oh, you hadn't heard? He wants to be that guy. That's the dude. I was just explaining that I cross past with now and again. Everything is a riddle. Everything is a guessing game.

And I don't know why we have to continue to do this. Vague posting is a thing. It's trending. vague posting is when you share something that's intentionally vague. So you might seem like you're making a point, but you're not. Here's an example. You go on social media. Who is Sabrina Carpenter again?

Is she that super hot little number that you got? A little blonde. She's five feet tall. Okay. You might go on social media and post this. Sabrina Carpenter was right. Oh, about what? Just to drive more click.

to your page and make people ask, well, what was she right about? Frustrating. Again, I've never experienced it firsthand, but I know a vague talker, a vague speaker. It's a constant riddle. I will admit to some vague posting when I was in college. Ashley, I think you remember this phenomenon. Facebook went back before Facebook was completely ruined. It was actually kind of fun.

They had a relationship status. You could put single in a relationship or it's complicated. Oh, I love to. And I'd always leave it as, It's Complicated because that created a little intrigue, you know. Well, what's going on? Is he single? Is he dating somebody?

Dork. What's going on? We're trying to create something? Yeah. If you were dating somebody, I'd imagine they'd be like, what the hell, dude? Exactly. Why would you post something like that? I remember the people talking about the It's Complicated.

That was fun. I suppose you could kind of upset your significant other on purpose that way if you're looking to mess with them. Yeah. Keep them on their toes. Oh, yeah, we used to do that. And it's kind of like those red-light greenlight parties back in college where if you go to a party and you're single, you wear a green shirt, if you're in a relationship or you're a red shirt, or if you're somewhere in between, you were the yellow shirt. Did any couples ever show up like one was in a green and one was in red? Wait, what are you trying to say?

Did I point you in and you're like, wait, what? Huh? I thought we had something going here. The red light green light party. Mm-hmm. I've never been to something like that before. Something happened in the, I don't know, I don't know if I want to call it a generation. Generationaly happened.

But I don't know, how much older are Josh and I than you? 10, 12 years? 10, 12 years, yeah. Yeah, 10, I'm 10 and you're a couple more. Something happened between the time Josh and I hit 21 and then you hit 21. We never had themed parties. Oh, I love a themed party. You seem to have when you were a young person been a part of many themed parties.

Definitely. The Red Light Greenlight, Corporate Ho's and CEOs' parties, those are always a blast. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've heard about that. That was a lot of fun. My buddy still goes to some. He's, like, his friend, well, mostly his wife's friend's group will host a bunch of themed parties. Even as, like, full-grown adults, not just college kids?

I think he's 45. Oh, wow. Something like that. I want to be in that friend group. Do you really? Yeah. That'd be so fun. I was talking about it yesterday, as a matter of fact.

because he's such a good, like I wouldn't want to be, come across as rude or anything, but that does not appeal to me at all. I feel, and it's more just about me. I'd feel kind of weird. Like, I'd feel like I couldn't pull it off. I would nail hosting a theme party. I bet you would actually. I love doing that kind of stuff.

Give me a theme. Why don't you do it? Well, what route do you want to go first? Let's say, in two weeks, you're in charge of throwing a theme party for us and all your friends and all our friends. What would you go with? What would be your top pick for a theme party? to party. Star Wars,

Game of Thrones. I really excel at anything like dark, so maybe like a gothic type of party. That'd be cool. But you've never seen Nightmare Before Christmas. Yeah, that movie. I could see you really getting into that if you watched that. Oh, yeah, maybe I'd do that. Nightmare

Before Christmas party. Wednesday, Adams? Yes. I already figured out my son's first birthday party theme. Okay, you've already figured out your your child's first birthday, which is, when is October? August. August.

August. 17. All right. Go ahead. So it's going to be pool themed, so billiards themed because. Pocket billiards. Because every month, it's like a common trend to take a picture of them at like one month, two month, three month. And you're supposed to, most people have a theme.

And I've always put him on the pool table we have downstairs. And I put the corresponding pool ball next to him. Like, oh, yeah, six months. Oh, I see. Sure. It's adorable. So that's the theme we're going for. And so you usually have a sign up with like a cute little slogan for the theme of the birthday party.

And mine's going to be, cue the fun, Calvin is one. I love that. All right. Can I stop you there? Yeah. That is fantastic. Josh's heart just melted. I'm upset with my wife that she's never shown me these pictures.

Like sometimes she'll show me pictures you post, but she's never shown me those. start sending them new. Yeah, if you would, that'd be awesome. Absolutely. And then cue the fun. Calvin, you called him. I thought it was Calvin. Calvin, sorry. Cue the fun. I don't think you have to apologize. Calvin or Calvin is one. So there's a picture of them, of the kid. What is he doing? He's sitting on a pool table next to the one ball? Yeah, well, that's what, and then there's pictures of him sitting next to the two. And then people come over to celebrate. What do we have to do to align ourselves in the theme? Oh, I guess I didn't think about what you guys would be.

Golf, or not golf attire, sorry, that was another idea I had for his birthday. Let me think. What do we do? Do I wear a half of us are stripes, the other half of us are solids? Oh, that's such a good idea. I love that. Well, I'm just vague posting here. That is such a cute idea.

Everybody has to wear a pool glove. Oh, I got one of those. I can bring my dopey, what do you call the thing you put your pool cues in. I can bring my case. I can bring, because I am a pool player. Oh, at your goth party, are the solo cups black instead of red? 100%. Do we communicate much with each other at the goth party?

Can we stare at our feet? We all sit in separate corners with the lights off. I was going to, just going to ask, you got to pick me out the best corner of the room to sit in. I've got a great one. I'm not talking about sitting in a chair. I'm talking about sitting on the floor in the corner of the room. And you're facing the corner. Yes.

There's just one candle lit black lipstick, mascara sad, depressing we're listening to Evan essence huge t-shirts and huge pants if you don't have any rips in your jeans you can't show up so I thought goth people were kind of tight stuff they wear huge stuff

now oh I don't know I'm guessing I'll make sure of that it depends what kind of goth you are there was at a basketball turnip my son had a couple weeks ago there was a kid all like two days in a row he was sitting on top of some bleachers that were pushed into the wall with a bunch of signs saying don't sit on it. So I know that he's, you know, he'll go there.

He's a rebellious. But he had some real tight stuff on. He fights authority. He had kind of a cool look. But yeah, he didn't talk to anybody. He just kind of sat there with his legs crossed looking at his phone. Oh, my version of what goth people wear is like my version of anything. It's outdated.

So, yeah, I don't know. I'm just picturing when we were young, Josh, and we used to be forced to go to corn concerts and whatnot around here, everyone was wearing the massive. pants and the oversized black t-shirt. That was my, so I'm sure my memory of, or my knowledge of goth fashion is lacking. Does corn, did corn kind of start that thing? It seems like it was really revolved around those guys. Or maybe just if you like to dress like that, people said, you better like corn.

I have no, I don't know if they were the pioneer. Because that's what I always think of with that style of, you know, clothing. I think it's a chicken and egg thing, what came first. Do we dye the beer black? Yes. The beer has even dyed black. And the women have to tease their hair. Do you guys remember that?

I don't. Girls used to do that. I don't exactly know what that means. Like, ah, you're stupid hair. No. Worst hair of all, like that kind of teasing. You take a part of your hair and you like comb the opposite way under it because then it like puffs up and kind of stays in that shape. I know the look you're talking about that.

Yeah, I used to do that to my hair. Oh, kill me. That was so bad. Do you have any pictures of that? Yeah, I do. I got to see those. When I was in school, all the gals had big hair. Is there a difference between?

big hair and teased hair? And what is state fair hair? I've heard that as well. I don't know what state. Just humid hair. But I think they have similarities. Big hair and teased hair. I think that's how they make it big.

I'm not sure. Is teased just one part of your hair versus the whole hairdo? Yeah, it's just certain parts of your hair. Who the F is corn a few people here want to know? Ah, an old bad from the 90s. It's something you eat, and then you remember

he ate it a couple days later. But they're making reference to that moment where I embarrassed the radio station many, many, many years ago. If he's haven't heard the story, Metallica was playing in town. The opening band was corn. I was totally unaware of the opening band. Not only, I was totally unaware that there was an opening band at all. My old radio partner and I showed up at Target Center a handful of minutes before Metallica went on stage. we walked into our 93X suite, we sat down on a couch.

Next thing you know, here comes our promotions director, lady, and she's got five very interesting-looking young dudes behind her, and they're all dressed in this got goth style. I just thought they were local friends of the radio station or something, and our promotions lady, and all these five guys are looking directly at me and my ex-radio partner. They're all standing above us as we're seated on the couch. And the promotions lady says, can you two guys get up out of that couch? Corn needs a place to sit. And of course, it's loud.

Metallica is playing in the background. And I said, who the F is corn? Well, it was them. It was the band was standing right behind her. They wanted a place to sit. So I found a picture from my goth stage. It's summer goth. I'm sorry, you found a picture of you?

Yeah, from my goth. Oh, summer guy. You can kind of see that my hair is definitely different. You can't really see the top, which sucks, because that's where I would tease it the most. But yeah, check that out. All right, I need that to come closer to me because of my glazes. So this is you as a goth character? Yeah.

Do you like the eye makeup? Well, you don't look got goth at all. You look like a typical, like college girl. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I think I'm like... Well, just tell me. What about this?

Josh, she's wearing a little pair of blue jeans shorts. Black. Oh, okay. The dark blue, black. Okay, she's wearing black shorts. Just regular looking. A black and white striped shirt. And you have beautiful blonde hair.

What about this? Thank you about the hair. And your nails are painted red. So what about this appearance as goth? So the bangs. The bang. Yeah, like the way my hair is. Well, you look very cute.

How old were you there? Thank you. Let's see. This is in 2012. I was 14, I think. Oh, no wonder you were trouble. Something around there? I think I did that math right.

You're 14 in that picture? I think I did that math right. No wonder you were trouble. Is there any way I could see that without having to get up? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, no, I don't want you to walk. I'll get up. Oh, God, it hurts.

I mean, again, I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I would never look at that picture and say, oh, this is you as a goth character. You look like Avril Levine. Thank you. That was the goal. I always wanted to look like her.

If you said that was Avril Levine, I would assume that's who it was. That's so awesome. That's all I wanted to look like. Well, it worked. I would have had black hair, but my mom was crazy about that. She would not let me color my hair.

You were a cute kid. Tattooed low life Jesus said he thought the band The Cure was the one who started the whole Gothel. They had a look. Oh, dude. I had a buddy who was obsessed with the Cure. Every shirt he had was the Cure. Really? Yeah, he loved them. I never knew one dude

who was into the Cure. All the gals at my high school were into the Cure. It could be because he had four older sisters and they were into the cure. But yeah, and he also, after the Cure, it was Guns and Roses. He became obsessed with Guns and Roses. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, that's a good guess. Who started the Goth movement, at least

musically speaking? I'd have no problem if we go ahead and select the cure. That lead singer. Nobody wore more clothing on stage than that dude. It appeared to me he had two pair of pants, six shirts. Have you seen all of it, all of it oversized? Yeah, they had a thing there in the ladies. What was it a question? Have you seen him lately? Robert Smith? I haven't seen him since I was at high school. Yeah, he's still holding on to the look. Oh, yeah. As a 70-some-year-old man or whatever he is,

maybe he's in his mid to late 60s, it's not holding up well. Oh, no. Here, I'll show you that. Oh, my God. What happened? Just to let yourself look like a 60-6-year-old or whatever he is. But really, honestly, that's what I remember him always looking like.

I want to wash his hair. I understand he's a very nice guy, and he got a great sense of humor totally understands. any cure jokes. You know what I mean? Like he doesn't take himself too seriously. But yeah, he is still hanging on to that look. Oh, man.

Monday, I don't care so much. Tuesday, I don't think it's right. Wednesday blows and Thursday sucks. But Friday, I'm in love. Ashley, people are saying you weren't goth, you were emo. Yeah, I think I. That's probably. I always used those interchangeably, but I probably shouldn't.

I have two and it, but I think I can see the difference. Yeah, definitely. I wish, I mean, yeah, like I said, my mom was very opinionated on my hair. So I wanted to be goth. I just couldn't get it done. You could never be goth, Josh. Cubby could never be goth. There's too much joy.

Isn't goth like kind of you're rebelling a bit against your parents even? That's hilarious that you wanted to live the goth style, but you refused to rebel against your parents. Yeah, I was terrified of my pair. Oh, you were a horrible got to goff. You broke the number one rule. There's too much joy and positivity. You got to find it. In Cubby's soul.

Sometimes you got to look hard, but it's worth the voyage. None of that joy and positivity is directed at yourself. No, there's a lot of hatred. You have a lot of outward joy and positivity. Way too much for other people for you to be goff. No one would buy it. I could picture Josh painting his fingernails black, putting some gauges in the ears, little eyeliner or mascara.

I'm picturing the eyeliner, Dana. It's making my day. Can I please put eyeliner on you? You know what? I have played pretty pretty princess when my daughter was young. And I've said it before. I'm not confident about anything, but I am confident I make a halfway attractive woman. I can see it.

if you had to, you know, put some makeup on me and, you know, a nice dress or something. I think I can pull it off. I bet you could. Some decently. The calves ruin it, though. The very manly calves. Yeah, the leg hair. The other place I can grow hair on my body and it's outrageous.

Did you make your calves more feminine for us, Josh? Only after a certain point. What else is going on around here on this Wednesday? I thought there was something else going on. No, no, no, apparently there's nothing. We got company tomorrow. Dr. Andrea will be here tomorrow from German Animal Hospital Friday. The cops are going to be here today.

The comedy duo from the State Patrol on Friday. But today we're just going to set here an F off just a four, five, six of us. When I say four, five, six, I'm including Randy Schaber and Brad Ryder, who'll be joining us at 7.30. 7. So there you go. Goth porn. A few people have texted in to say that they really enjoy goth porn. I suppose there's porn for everything, right? Rule 34.

Yeah. Something in here about Australian goth. Okay. I don't look that up. We're going to have to, yeah, I... Oh, I know what they're talking about. I'm not learned on goth. I remember the look in the 90s, early 2000s, but...

What is Australian goth then, Ashley? I just remember Shane Gillis' joke about it. Yeah, that's what they mentioned. Yeah. Meeting the text. He was just like imitating what... an Australian Gothic person would sound like with like their

Australian accent. Yeah, I can't remember the specifics. But, oh. I don't know. Dana, do you know? I don't really follow much of his stand-up, no. Sometimes he just said stuff where you're like, oh, ah, he said, yeah, he said that.

A comic has a joke about Australian goth. Yes. This I can relate to. This I can relate to. Chronic shower masturbator. Jesus. First I've heard of. you, son. Yeah, welcome. Catchy name. Chronic shower masturbator Jesus says, he said I had a goth kid on

my bantam hockey team and the eyeliner and hair dye would run down his face during a game. And you know what? It's funny. Let me ask you, dude, chronic shower masturbator Jesus, was he a goaltender? Growing up playing hockey, this is early to mid-80s. So I suppose there wasn't at the time any true existence of goth yet. I'm just wondering. I think back in those days, I guess you were probably just considered punk or heavy metal. If you were a dude who really powered up the hairdo, right? And maybe put on some mascara, dark black.

So maybe it wasn't by definition goth. Maybe it was just considered punk or heavy metal. But there were two guys I grew up playing hockey with. They were both goalies. And they didn't change their appearance at all when they got into their hockey gear. They would pull their helmet. It's so weird to make sure. You'd think that they'd flatten out their hair.

They'd take the hair spray out right before a game. But no, they would force their helmet down upon this massive, like, flock of seagull. The Cure, Robert Smith would be a good example. They'd pull that hockey helmet over, their wicked sprayed hair, and they would keep the eyeliner on while playing goalie.

One of them was this harmless little character. He was more into like simple minds. Josh, remember the band Simple Minds? My cousin was into them. So I wasn't fearful of that dude. The other dude with the big hair and the black

eyeliner who was a goalie was way into the dark Sabbath. Who else would be in there in the early 80s, Josh, aside from Sabbath Slayer, that kind of mid-80s. So I got to be honest with you, and he was a big dude. This other guy, this other goalie, the Simple Minds kid, was a smaller dude. The Sabbath goaltender with the black eyeliner, big black hair,

he was a big guy also. So I have to admit that when I scored on him, I did zero. I celebrated zero. I would just turn and go back to the face off circle because I was truly fearful of this kid. He never said a word, just sit there in the locker room with his huge hair and his black eyeliner.

None of us knew how to talk to the when we didn't know how to deal with him. Has there ever been like a goth professional athlete? I don't necessarily picture them as athletes. Let's go with Dennis Rodman. Oh, that's a great one. Yeah, that's got to be the most famous. It's kind of, you know, Caleb Williams gets a lot of crap

because he paints his nails. I wouldn't call him goth or anything like that. He paints his nails. The Bears quarterback? Dennis Rodman tried a little bit of everything. One game, he was very brightly colored. Other games, he looked a little more moody and scary. But that's my guess.

Dennis Rodman. Oh, do you guys remember that volleyball player? Volleyball player? I don't know a single volleyball player. It was from a couple years ago. She went viral. So I believe, I thought we talked about her for a little bit. And she was like very goth.

No, I don't remember. As goth as they can be. I think she even more like the, like made her skin more pale. I don't remember the volleyball team. Wasn't there a basketball player named like Birdman Anderson? Oh, yes. He was kind of eccentric. Oh, my God.

His appearance was ridiculous. What was his first name? You got the right last name, Anderson. I thought they called him like the bird or the bird. They did. He called him the Birdman. Oh, Chris. Chris Anderson.

Played for the Denver Nuggets. Head to toe, brightly colored tattoos, huge Mohawk-type haircut. Maybe that wasn't technically goth, but he certainly had a unique. Yeah, he had like his own kind of eccentric look. By the way, oh, where to go? Oh, God, wrestlers, the list is long.

Oh, my gosh. There's so many wrestlers have done that dark. How much time you got? I mean, Raven. Sting went through that era? Sure. What's his name? The kid who will jump off a bus.

Darby Allen. Oh yeah, punk, goth, the whole smear. A lot of folks are saying, Ria Ripley, sure, I've seen her before. Who's that? I'm sorry. Is that a wrestler? Television Rassler.

Look up... The Undertaker. He'd be one of the optimists. A little goth, a little bit. Look up the text from stripping Sparky, Jesus. He must have used AI to make me into goth. You look so cool, dude. So cool.

He goes, you look pretty hot, not going to lie. That's it. What's the name of the character? Stripping Sparky Jesus. He made a picture of you as a goth person. Oh, yeah. Spike collar and everything. You look great.

I kind of want to have that look. The fish net shirt you have on under the spiked leather jacket. Dude, that's brilliant. Let's get somebody here to do a makeover during the show one day. Yes, I can do it. I don't think I'd ever look that cool, though, but dang. I want to be friends with that guy. What is? Stinky stripties.

Stripping Sparky. Can we put that up on our website? Everyone needs to see Goth Cubby. Yeah, I don't see why not. Yeah, do we, I don't know if he needs to sign off on it or if you don't mind, let us know if we can put that up. That's so silly. Yeah, you look like you're going to a Marilyn Manson tribute show.

Goth, Josh. Awesome. We need to recognize the OG. Then we have to take a break. what were we just saying goth athletes were there any goth athletes sure especially in the world of television wrestling is it fair to say

Dana the original goth character was paul bearer oh for sure he was so great was he the guy that had the super high voice and carried the urn undertaker

yeah that guy and he actually was a paul bearer in real life he was Oh, I didn't know that. And then he died. Paul Bearer. Put him on the list. Top of the list.

We've got to take a break. We'll hit up that stupid news here in a few minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too.

An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standard heating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' comprehensive. compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. When the moments in your life are too important to miss, you can trust O'Reilly Auto Parts to keep you and your plans on the road. Our professional parts people can test your vehicle's battery and even give it a charge if needed. In most cases, we can install your new battery for free. It's just one of the many services we provide at O'Reilly Auto Parts to ensure life's best moments don't find you stranded. Oh, oh, oh, O'Reilly Parts. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show.

I hear you a few minutes ago we were talking about the goth life. Got to talking about goth, rock and roll bands like The Cure and whatnot. Eventually we made our way to discussing goth, rassling characters, television rassling characters. And that list is long. Gangrel, Edge Christian, Raven, the Hardy Boys. Gold Dust. Sure.

We think gold dust. What's gold dust's real name? Dustin Reynolds? Yeah, right. No, no. Rhodes. Is it Cody Rhodes? One of the roads? Yeah, Cody's his brother.

Okay. Or half brother. Runnels. Ronald? No, no, no. Yeah, Ronald. Yeah, that was that Dusty's real name? Yeah, I believe so. Yeah, there you go.

I just saw Cody Rhodes in the new naked gun movie. Oh, right, right. He was a bartender, I think, in that. Yeah, he has a brief appearance in the new naked gun. I'm going to go in a direction here, and a lot of you aren't going to be able to follow it. But I got to go off just for a second on the character, Gold Dust, which I found to be so funny. when Dustin was playing that role on the Double-Double E. Do you remember the little scenario where Gold Dust was absolutely head over heels in love and obsessed with Booker T?

Yes. They were a tag team. Josh, maybe you had to be there, but they were a tag team for a brief period of time. And all their outside the ring little video vignettes, it was Gold Dust making. Booker T uncomfortable by how much love Gold Dust had for Booker T. And there was one scenario where they cut to the men's bathroom and Booker Tee is sitting on the toilet taking a dump. And then the camera shifts and Gold Dust is hanging over the side of the rail. What do you call it in a men's the wall? The stall door. Gold Dust is hanging over the stall door, keeping an eye on

Booker T while he takes a dump just to make sure everything comes out okay. I just, Man, some of those little side stories they put together with so much fun. So Booker T is sitting there taking a dump thinking about nothing, and he looks up and sees cold dust. And he gets, ha! You had to be there. No, I don't know exactly what you're saying. Like the situation you're describing.

I don't know that particular storyline they had, but I may or may not have been or currently am in a relationship with a co-worker who my affection might make them a little unconsor. I mean, that could be a thing. That could be. And I don't know if you saw the face of one of our particular coworkers. I get a little uncomfortable at times. I know. I understand.

He made eye contact with me after once he started talking about it. I want to stop. I can't stop. So we even explored the idea of Josh becoming a goth character. I would never buy it. If you know, Josh, you could never buy him as a goth person. He has so much outward affection for people. It wouldn't work.

A listener sent in an AI rendition of what Josh would look like as a goth character. It's beautiful. I think we're putting it up on 93x.com. Yeah, it's up there. If and when you ever become this character, Dirty 40s, she's is texted in to say, we will have to call you Joth. When and if you become that character.

My full name is Jothic. Yes, Joth. How mean are people being to me on social media if you already posted that? It's on 93x.com, so there's no comments. Yeah, I did that on purpose. I want to expose you to the comments on social media. Why would people be mean to you on social media? Well, especially any picture I get destroyed.

It's so funny. Just open your eyes, yeah. I try, I do. I don't know what happens. Honestly, it just feels like it's on purpose. I know, I know. Just keep your eyes open and don't hold a beverage. Not that you're the one doing it on purpose, Josh.

Like the people taking the picture. I think they're waiting for you to blink. It could be. And I think they take a lot of them rapid fire and then just post the one where you happen to blink. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Dishwasher, dude. You do have a, you don't have a stupid face.

I don't know how to control it. I've had this face for 50 years and I still don't know how to control it. Dishwasher dude Jesus texted the show and said, was it Booker Tree? Booker T was he the one that had the hoe train? know that was the Godfather. Aluminum melting Jesus texted in and he said the best, he's well aware of the Booker Tee

gold dust promos where gold dust was totally in love with Booker Tee and kept his eyes on him at all times. Aluminum melting Jesus text into it to say the best gold dust Booker T promo I ever saw was Booker T walks into his bedroom and gets in bed with his woman. The lights go out, you hear some commotion,

the lights come back on and cold dust is in bed with him. There was something about those two together. They were just... There's no name on this text, but this person says they were the best tag team during that time, hands down. That was a lot of fun, Nick, but I think you'll agree that nothing will... The supermarket. Yes, nothing will ever top the supermarket. Stone Cold Steve Austin and Booker T just destroy a supermarket.

And Booker T sells everything. Like, Stone Cold hits him with a box of corn flakes, and he actually just got hit in the face with like a tire iron. He sells it so well. It's just brilliant. They had mayonnaise and chocolate milk and strawberry pie. The cleanup in that supermarket that day must have taken a week. Josh, Jof. Yes.

Yes, how can I help you? Josh. I'll try. It's hard to say on the fly like that. Joth, do you shop at Joth Topic? I did used to like that store. Oh, yeah. They had the nudie post.

back in the day. That was great. And Spencer's. I love Spencer's. Oh, sure. Okay, here we go already. With the stupid news, Pennsylvania State University by damn. A member of the Big Ten athletic conference, same as our beloved Golden Gophers. Let me let you in. Hold on the most guy you my and Goe Gover's Big Ten Network.

He's always hovering around? He's got a mic. He sits here in studio. Let me let you in on what's happening out that way. at Pennsylvania State or I should say let me tell you about a problem they were dealing with a couple three years ago

at the home of the Nittany Lions. Why this story is being talked about now, I'm not sure and I don't care. Maybe the whole mess recently went to court. It doesn't matter. Locals were upset at Penn State a couple years ago because they hosted a sex toy

bingo event on campus. College kids having sex? Oh, no. That's the first thing I thought to myself was, so what? I mean, they're all adults over there at Penn State. Yeah. It's not a junior high. It's a damn college.

But I suppose there might be a few 16, 17-year-old kids, right? The really gifted kids who start taking college. Oh, the Dugie Housers? Doogie Houser? Yeah. You don't remember that show? Neil Patrick Harris played a kid doctor. A doctor.

Yeah. I remember the name, but no, I could not put too. Yeah, that was the bit of the show. Yeah, he went to college. when you graduated college at like age 12 or something like that. Outside of 90s sitcoms, there are some kids who are 16, 17, who take college classes, right? They walk around. My wife even did.

Jesus balls. So I suppose that's where the problem. At first I thought so what, it's a college, but there are kids. Word is, part of the issue is that school funds were used to put on this dildo bingo party. so I guess some monies was used, and the folks who hand out that money maybe weren't aware that the cash was going to be spent on double-ended battery-powered, rotating, rubbery, brightly colored, 13-and-inch imitation peckers. That could be part of the problem, too. Money was handed out, and maybe they weren't completely honest with what they were going to do with that money. Here's what else I have on the subject.

Flyers were posted in the dormitories and whatnot. advertising dildo bingo nights plural more than one party was in the works oh so here it is folks were upset that penn state took no steps to protect students under the age of 18 from participating in dildo bingo parties folks were pissed they called it a sexually themed activity and younger people shouldn't be seeing things like that yeah i can see them take an issue with people under 18 being there although you know It's like as much as I, you know, the sex toy thing doesn't appeal to me, but you know that people that are there are going to be a lot of fun. I think that would be a fun event. You know, everybody's probably got a great sense of humor.

Yes. And they're just looking for a good time in a lot of different ways, apparently. It'd be fun to go to something like that. Yeah. Well, I mean, Jesus, we started talking about got got off life earlier this morning. And the reason we got on the topic of goth life is Ashley was discussing. throwing a theme party and she thought maybe a goth party would be fun. Want to throw a dildo party?

And the easy joke is that, you know, me and Dana and Josh would fit in perfectly at a dildop. That's the easy joke. Why don't you throw a dildo party? That would work. There's a lot of like funny penis decorations I could get. Yeah, I mean, just go to like a bachelorette party store. Exactly. Your age group of women, you don't have the 30 of you in one living room sex toy party.

That was a thing from 15, 20 years ago, wasn't it? Yeah, I missed those. Yeah. There was a generation of women who, twice a month, they would go to someone's house and sit around and buy vibrators and dildos and strap-ons and drink wine. And that was a real trend for a while. Yeah, it was a big thing. I was always jealous of a scene that was like in TV shows and like the dildo ones.

And then there was always like the top-aware parties. That seems fun to me. Wow, you went one end to the other there. Yeah, no kidding. Dildos to Tupperware. You're jealous of both. You are well-rounded. The only two I've ever seen.

Well, I have heard that. What about candle parties? Those were big for a while. Oh, yeah. That's cool. You can keep your candles and your dildos in Tupperware. Is that perfect? I had one of my neighbors.

She hosted a candle party at my townhouse back in the day. And I still don't know why she didn't really have it at hers. That is weird. I'm sorry. I'm new to this. A candle. candle party, yeah, those were big for a while. You sell candles? Like in the late 90s,

it was pretty big. Yeah, you just sell candles. It was kind of like a goofy deal. That sounds freaking boring as all hell. I think they tried to make it as fun as possible, you know, but yeah, she was kind of into that for a little bit. Wow. I remember my mom going to basket parties, too. What's that?

Oh, yeah. Longa burger baskets, I think the company was called. Longa burger. Longa burger baskets. And you just buy different. types of boxes. Sounds delicious. Fries, onion rings, whatever.

I was thinking that you, like, weave your own basket. No, you just kind of, just kind of like the dildos. You just kind of pick out ones you want. Didn't she go to key parties quite a bit as well? How many baskets do you need? That's true.

I think one baskets, maybe two. It was the 90s, actually. It was a different time, okay? So it says here, trouble at Penn State University there a couple, three years ago. They were throwing dildo parties.

There might have been some kids there that weren't of legal age to attend a dildo party. They spent some money and people are or were upset. Going forward and then backward and then forward again and then slightly backward like a dildo. It says you're going forward. People are hoping that Penn State is a little more careful next time the college kids up and throw a rubber dick party. Is there an age requirement for buying a sex toy? I think 18.

Is it really? Yeah. I think so. That's why everybody went to Sex World for the first time when they were 18 because you could finally get in the door. You got to be 18, at least Josh, to walk into the dildo shops. Well, what about like Target? Don't they sell them?

Yeah, they do. I don't think they care. Maybe they do care. I don't know. I've never bought a sex toy at Target. Yeah, I'm not sure. I was in that. I was pretty surprised.

I thought somebody was lying to me when they said them. Oh, no. Margaret still sex toy? You're like the drugstores and pharmacies. I was in that aisle the other day because I was waiting in line for the pharmacist. And I thought it was funny how it was like how it was placed that way that if there's a line at the pharmacy, you're in the sex toy aisle. And they have everything you would ever need. And don't they have them behind locking key?

So you got to first ask somebody to unlock it and then you have to go to the register to present it to the person to buy it? Not at the target I go to. Oh, okay. Thankfully. So what did we what did we decide? side on, you can or cannot buy a dildo at Target under 18? Yeah, you can. But they don't sell dildo vibrators.

You can't remember if I saw an actual dildo, but they have a bunch, they have like different shaped vibrators that look like a penis. You can be a 15 year old kid and buy a vibrator? No, I don't, no, I don't think that, I think they still once, even if you go to like self-checkout, if you have something that

you have to be a certain age for it, it'll like pop up and be like, you have to verify, and then the guy comes over and he's like, hey, give me right. That's got to be it. Yeah, even when you buy like Nike Will they make you show an ID. That's always such a pain in the ass because I never have my wallet on me. I always use Apple Pay.

And then I'm like, all right, well, let me go all the way out to my car. I remember the first time I had to show my ID to buy some of that duster spray, like to clean a keyboard. I'm like, what are you talking about? We know what you were doing with that. Yeah, I had a problem. While we're talking dildonks, overpaid mechanic Jesus. I'll get there.

Overpaid mechanic Jesus texted in. and he said, as a man, I find it unfair that there are 9,742 choices for imitation dongs. But us dudes have like two options and they're terrible. For like a fake birgine. Wolfpack softball, Jesus wants to know if the candle party I'm talking about was party light. Yes, that's what it was. Good memory. He said his mother-in-law used to work for them.

Yeah, party light. A lot of candles were purchased at my town home for whatever reason. Wow. That sounds like something I would hate to find myself involved in. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't involved other than here you go. Go ahead. Elementary music teachers, Sheez said they went from sex toy parties to candle parties to jewelry parties to makeup parties to pampered chef parties, all sorts of way to spend money we didn't have fresh out of college.

Oh, pampered chef. Heck yeah. But isn't that stuff expensive? Like fancy cooking gear and whatnot? Yeah. I'd love that, though. No name on this text message, but they say, just to clarify, you do not need to be over 18 to buy sex toys at Target.

Don't ask me how I know. I just do. Interesting. Now, here's a specific setup that I hadn't heard of before today. We've all heard, certainly, all of us have heard of people trading drugs for sex or sometimes sex for drugs. We're all familiar with those combinations, if you will. But this here, I'm just going to dump it on you and see where we can go with it. In Pittsburgh.

Oh, so we're still in Pennsylvania. This is all on purpose. You've got to keep this theme going, Pennsylvania. A medic has been accused of trading medical gloves for pizza. Sure. How much? How many medical gloves? gloves.

You know, I never would, that's nothing I would think anyone would trade anything for. Right. So the dude, the medic, he would bring boxes of those skin-tight medical gloves to the, the ones that the doctors wear and whatnot. Yeah. He'd bring boxes of the gloves on over to his favorite pizzeria, and they'd give them a slice or two. That makes no sense.

It would, I think it would be cheaper. I mean, a box of gloves like that is only like two bucks. Are you sure about that? Yeah, we buy them. My husband uses them to clean up dog feces. To clean up dog? He picks it up by hand? Yeah, there's too much of it.

So, yeah, it's easier to just throw on some plastic gloves and do it that way. I've never heard of such a thing. Oh, really? That's not the only person I know that does that. Your husband goes out in the yard with a pair of medical gloves on and picks up dog turds by hand? Yeah. Why? Because it's easier than like trying to scoop it.

Bending up and down all the time? And because then if you sometimes if you try to scoop it, then you smear it on the grass and on the ground. Well, you wait for it to dry up. I've got to do this. There's no way. Really? No friggin' way my neighbors are ever going to watch me pick up dog turds by hand.

I've even done it that way. It's actually a lot easier. I've shook your hand before. I'm wearing gloves, Dana. It doesn't scare me with the gloves. on doesn't scare me. I'm not afraid of disease or anything. I'm just saying that's so freaking dumb and there's no way I'm going to

let my neighbors say, oh my God what is he doing out there? I will say this last time usually he gets like, I don't know, white medical gloves. This last time he got clear and I was like that looks. Yeah, so he has feces smeared all over his rubber gloves?

This is the dumbest thing I've heard all day long. No, I mean, he doesn't really get that gross. I've never seen him have like brown hands because of it. How does he not have brown hands because of it? I don't know. He doesn't like sit there and like, you know, smush it into his hand.

He's like running between his hands. I've never. Boop, boop. I've never heard about that. It is honestly, I judged him at first, but it's really convenient. I mean, we've, we've. Geniuses are never recognized in their time. I'm telling you.

Then you don't have to have anything else in your hands, just a bucket. You're good. You're good. How, again, I got to go back of this. How is it easier? Then you got a bucket next to you and a shovel and you go weep- Because sometimes it's hard to shovel one-handed. That is so-

Especially with three dogs. You're doing it so much that's just like, all right, this is easier. Like a pooper-scooper doesn't work for you guys? I've never had like an actual, I don't even know like how those contraptions work, really. I'm so glad this happened. I mean, again, there's no real use in arguing which is the easier mode. It's just... I can't bend over at my age.

The act, do we have to cover this again? You can bend over and touch your toes at 50 years old. It's uncomfortable. The act of just using my hand, even with a glove on it, I just couldn't bring myself to do that. Once, let alone, let's say there's 26 piles in the yard. I would fear, Josh, that someone in my neighborhood is going to call the insane asylum. I'm just, okay, thank you to the people texting in. It's just like using a bag.

Yes, but 26 times as opposed to once. Yeah, but I don't know. You're doing it. It's different because you're doing it all at once versus spread out over time. Josh, are you going to put on a rubber glove and pick up dog turds? I'm not, but I won't judge. I mean, if that works for you guys, I had never heard of anybody. I mean, certainly, yeah, the bag, if you're taking your dog on a walk, but in your backyard, I mean, I just, you said it's two bucks a box is what?

Yeah. So I was surprised anybody would trade for this, but Dental Babe Sheez has said they get a lot of people that ask about the gloves all the time. Somebody just yesterday asked about it. What's that now? I'm sorry. I was wondering why, you know, is there such a demand that people would trade for such a thing? Or I would never even consider thinking that'd be worthwhile for a trade. But, you know, people are saying definitely people are into them.

So again, the deal is a medic is trading medical gloves for pizza at his local pizza shop. So the first question I had was, and fortunately, there's no answer here in the story in front of me. But the first question I had was, why did the pizzeria want his stupid rubbery-smelling medical gloves? How was that a fair trade for the pizza shop? Yeah, I worked at restaurants, and we never wore gloves. You just wash your hands a lot. Outside of, like, the chefs or, I never really, like, cut the meat or anything like that. It was mostly like, I was more like the vegetables and that kind of stuff.

And they would wear those gloves, the armored gloves, I guess, for lack of a better way to put it. Oh, sure. I see those on cooking shows. But they, you know, we never, never did. There was people that would mix food with just their hands, and, you know, it would be a lot of washing. All I can tell you is this goofy medic has been suspended from his gig until they investigate this wacky medical gloves for pizza scandal.

They're thinking, like, why? Why are there so many pizza, is around, but no medical clubs. Boy, this is a touched a firestorm here. Yeah, oh my God. It's overwhelming. I try to keep up and see what most people are saying. A lot of people are on my side, which feels pretty good.

There are a lot. Somebody told me I need to buy like a pitchfork type vibe, and that sounds pretty cool. Just a pitchfork, that? Yeah, just stab and that sounds like a lot of fun. Could you imagine? you look out your window, you see your neighbor, just a huge pitchboard. The thing is,

whether it be soft or an old pile that's hard, you can feel everything through those rubber gloves. I've worn those rubber gloves for this and that. You can feel everything. You can feel the softness of it. You can feel the hot. I mean, come on.

You get used to it pretty fast. Yeah, a perfectly good shovel leaning up against the house. I know I do. You get a pooper scooper on Amazon for 20 bucks, actually. Double D. She's just texted me and she said that. She said, I literally had to go to a chiropractor the other day because of cleaning up dog crap with a stupid shovel.

Yeah, I mean, we have to go out there every day to keep up with our dogs. And the pooper scoopers always work great. All right. I think we're sticking with the theme of turds here. Oh, yeah, we are. You folks probably watch the television news now and again. Have you heard of the Los Angeles Department of Transportation's Don't poop on the bus campaign.

Yeah. You have heard. It's pretty funny. Well, sadly, it's over already. The Los Angeles Department of Transportation has been forced, it says, here, to scrap a video campaign that they put together. In the videos, they beg passengers not to drop a warm coiler on the floor of their city buses. The bus poopers won. They always do.

Mm-hmm. They're committed. The reason they're putting a lid on the gimmick is unfortunately boring. The L-A-D-O-T officials said they pulled the video clips from YouTube. They say the videos were never supposed to be made public. They say the videos which had the theme, if you see something, do something. They were only intended for onboard viewing to inform bus riders as to what to do if someone pinches a loaf onto the floor of the bus. You put on a rubber glove and you pick it up according to Ashley

Yeah there you go Okay Would he pick up human poop with gloves? No I'm not going near it You want a human poop or scooper? Not even a shovel, not even a scooper No That's somebody else's issue

So again they had this video campaign It ended up on YouTube Don't poop on the bus The LADOT says Well we didn't mean for the general public To see these videos I think they were a little embarrassed So they're pulling them down, they're ending the campaign all together.

I'll tell you what I do if someone takes a dump on the floor of the bus. I go out the door of that bus at the next stop. Because you know what's next. 99 times out of 100, once a lunatic dumps wolf bait on the floor of the bus, the next step is where the lunatic picks that log up with their friggin' bare hands and they eat it or they smear it or they form an action figure out of it or they throw it. And I refuse to be involved in that type of situation. I think I'd pull that cord telling the bus,

just pull over here. I'm good. I'll walk the rest of the way. By the way, double D. Sheezus, is that who said that she had to go to the chiropractor for the shovel? Yeah. People are saying double D. Sheezes, they're not buying it. Oh, yeah.

They think there's a clue in her name. There might be some other issues going on. That suggests while there's back pain. Yeah, that's a good point. Touche. Tush. So they had the see something do something video campaign. They made the videos to remind folks, well, I guess not remind folks,

but to try to help folks know what to do if someone takes a crap on the floor of the bus. What else did they cover in these videos? They reminded people they're not allowed to smoke or drink on the bus. Now, some lucky regular bus riders did see these hilarious poop videos. But the rest of us won't get the chance. Let's see, just for the record, you know what else you're not allowed to do on a bus in Los Angeles? There's no fighting, no spitting, no harassment, no weapons, no urinating, no vomiting, no fingering, no fingering, no fingering, and no fingering, no fingering, no fingering, no fingering, and no fingering. It was a poring and a bus, unfortunately.

I know. Sight on someone's first day on the job. That was dark times. Can't unsee that one. Taxidermy Jesus wants to know if it's possible. Somebody saw that video misunderstood and said, if you see something, do something. Maybe that's it.

I do. It's kind of funny sometimes. And I'd imagine at times very embarrassing for companies when something like that it's supposed to be internal. becomes public. Like somebody might post an obituary. They have pre-written for someone who hasn't passed away and it gets published somehow. Yep.

Or infamously, the, hey, Hawaii, there's missiles coming your way and it was a test that somebody wasn't supposed to send out. That was awesome. I think that happened a couple times, something similar to that. Jesus, look what time it is. I hear you, Cubby. I friggin't hear you. Well, Ashley. What up?

luck to you and your husband out there, bare-handed dog turrets. Don't make it sound like we're not wearing gloves. It's just so disgusting. Doesn't he sell meat for a living? Yeah. Oh, no. He's wearing gloves.

He's right. He's handling his meat and then he's out there picking up dog turds. So does he ever handle dog turds? Yes, wearing rubber gloves. Uh-huh. Does he ever come in the house and make himself, make both of you something to eat? No, he comes in and he washes his hands still, like he makes sure, just in case, you never know.

You're going to wash your hands for two days before you make me a meal, I'll tell you that. Two days in front of the sink. We got to take a break. It's like that grilled cheese sandwich joke you've told before. Grilled cheese sandwich joke. Oh, that was a true story. It's not a joke. Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought that was a joke. Josh and I walked into a restaurant. We saw a sign out front that said, cheese sandwiches, $5, hand jobs, $10. We sat down. the waitress walked up. What can I get you, boys? Josh said, are you the one who dishes out the hand jobs?

And she said, yes. And he said, wash your hands, make me a cheese sandwich. Sports on the 93X half-assed morning show. Grant Fawc, playing in two. They've got numbers. McDaniels. Daniels is the man. Jake McDaniels.

That was a junior high kid calling the game there. I was going to ask you guys. I mean, I know you watch all the games. I haven't heard that. Last night, though, Cubby, never saw it. Oh, you did it? Peacock. Yeah, it was on late, and me and the wife, we don't have the peacocks.

Oh, I like the peacock. Me too. We don't have that channel, so never saw it. Wolves had a game in Portland, Oregon last night. They beat the, what do they call their club over there? The Trailblazers, Jaden McDaniels had a big game. I don't recognize that lead announcer. He sounded like an eighth grader.

Then the other guy was like, yeah, man, Jaden McDen. The other guy sounded cool. Can we play that again? I think my computer just Yep Oh don't worry about This is Don't worry about

Jaden McDaniels I want to look like him He always kind of has You know that look on his face And we talked about before He's like He's so cool Yeah he's just

He oozes cool He doesn't even try That's why Exactly It's just how he is Before he is very cool Before Quinn Hughes Jaden McDaniels

was the most Expressionless Person in town I still think he is And then we got Jay, what's his name I just said? Then we got Quinn Hughes, who of course is he makes bizarre, very frightening faces. Jaden is a pimp. Love watching that guy play basketball.

Well, they got a win. Golden Gopher basketball did not. If they had a bench, they would win a lot of games like they played last night at the University of Michigan. Lost by 10. Love watching that team, but outside of that starting five. It's kind of like this year radio station outside of this frigging program. What the hell? I mean, what are they got?

What do they got? Don't do that. What do you mean? What do you mean? Well, don't do that. We have a wide variety of positivity around here. Great stuff. Boy, you got a different opinion on air, don't you?

Totally different opinion on air. Who's coming up at 730? Randy Schaeber and Bradrider, that's great. Just absolutely great. But don't go anywhere because Josh's news report is coming up next. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com.

Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki Law.com.

That's BIA-L-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-A-L-L-L-E. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. This pot is about to be crazy. I don't even know what's going to happen. This is Full Send. It's just like a boy's scrap. Join the party.

We threw like a spontaneous party out of nowhere is crazy. And we pulled off a crazy prank. Pranks, parties and viral culture at its wildest. Just seeing like the guys that you brought in and like seeing their different personalities and stuff. It's been entertaining, dude. This could be the greatest content build of all time, bro. The Full Send podcast. Dude, you're ready to rumble.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's do it. In the 60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in would be no way of knowing. The 93x half-assed morning show. Ninety-three X. Police in Salt Lake City arrested a man for going into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night, armed with an axe, and saying he'd been admiring her from a fire.

far. Apparently he wanted to ax her out. Police say a quote, elderly woman woke up about 2 a.m. to let her dog out. An elderly woman. Yeah, that's how they describe her. I mean, they could have just put the name in there. What does it matter how old she is? It seems weird that they would just call her elderly. And it's a lady's old.

This man was in love with an elderly person? He was, yes. Guy's got a type, let him live. So she woke up at two. I didn't say anything. I just meant in general. I've been talking about the people that wrote this story that called her elders. Maybe he's requested.

That was his final request before jail. Sorry, I snapped at you. It's all right. Just bring it up. So she wakes up at 2 a.m. to let her dog out. She went to the bathroom as well. Indoor's, I'd imagine. While she was in the bathroom making her poopies and or pee-pies,

she heard someone say, hello, at their front door. Oh, no. She had left slightly open. Constipation problems over. When she exited the bathroom, she saw 34-year-old Chadwell Smith. standing in her apartment holding an axe. Jesus. She also said he brought a knife with him and set it on top of the fridge.

Do you think she, like, finished? Hold on one second. Like I said, I don't think she had any problem finishing going to the bathroom. When at 2 o'clock in the morning, she hears a voice in the hallway say hello. Everything falls out of you beyond your control at that particular moment. What if that did happen? He's like, oh, gosh, you know what? I'm leaving.

It's gross. I'm no longer attracted to you. You pooped your pants. The woman said Smith hugged her. Then told her to sit down and began rubbing her legs and feet. She said while receiving the unsolicited spa services from the stranger, he told her he'd been watching and loving her for the past six months and wanted to ask her out. Boy, I would think this is it for me right here.

Yep. And then he wanted to clean himself up for their first date, so he went into her bathroom and took a shower. He started jacking off. Probably. When officers arrived, he was lying shirtless on the victim's bed. They spoke with Smith, who admitted he walked in when he saw the victim's open door, thinking this was his shot. He also admitted he'd been watching her for months, and he added that he carried the axe and knife just to defend himself just in case. Uh-huh, yeah.

We've got to put a collar on characters like this, Josh. That's pretty frightening. Yeah, he needs to be in a facility with maybe a daily psych visit or something like that. I can't imagine how scary that would be. I've told you before about my gal friend. I mean, you want to talk about thinking on your feet. And she was always very humble when she told this story and said, you know, I just got lucky. She got out the shower one day and there was a dude standing in her hallway. Never seen this guy before in her life.

And he was just standing there. He wasn't holding a weapon. But it was obvious he shouldn't be there. and he had some terrible thoughts in mind, right? She instantly said, oh, what room are you looking for? And he said nothing. And she said, you must be in the wrong apartment. I don't know you.

Maybe you meant to go to room 615 or room 335. And she just kind of started walking him towards the door. And he didn't really know how to react to that. He followed her to the door. He left. she convinced him I'm not who you're looking for you must be in the wrong apartment

and then quickly called the police and they apprehended to some bitch but I think and she thinks he expected her to scream and run and he was fully prepared as to how to react to that yeah that's what he wanted

he wasn't prepared to react to someone who says hey sorry you must be in the let me show you the right way to he's susceptible to the power of persuasion there you go a New Zealand man was lucky enough to be woken up by a naked one woman who wanted to bang him. But unlucky enough, she wasn't looking for sex. She wanted to bang

him with a frying pan across the head while holding a large knife. The woman was his brother's girlfriend who was out of her mind high on methamphetamine. The victim was asleep in his upstairs bedroom just before 4 a.m. when he woke up to the pan-wielding paramour, striking him multiple times on the head with a frying pan. And she was ass naked? While naked. Very confusing. And then just imagine I played the cartoon sound effect of somebody getting hit over the head with a pan. I had that ready for him. The man whose ambitions to become a teacher were ruined at that point, then returned, the woman, excuse me, then returned to the downstairs bedroom where she was staying with

the victim's brother. Oh, oh, oh, he knew she was there. Oh, yeah, they lived together. Oh, my God. She said she doesn't remember much of the event because she was high and hadn't slept in days. The man suffered lacerations to his ear, the top of his head, and the bridge of his nose. Yeah. The woman was later convicted and sentenced to 18 months of intensive supervision on charges of assault with a weapon along with resisting and assaulting police officers. The charges of assaulting

and resisting police stemmed from an incident where she spat directly into the mouth of a police officer. She did. Gross. It's a bad roommate. She hadn't slept for days. Days. Days. that's uh... meth kept her up that's one of the reasons why you'll never catch me smoking those meth rocks i love to sleep i want to go near i don't want to be near anything that's going to keep me awake a now former custodian with berkeley county west virginia schools faces more than two dozen charges following an incident during a girls basketball game berkeley county schools report that twenty five-year-old custodian william howard shoup shup shup Badoop was discovered hiding inside a closet in the girl's locker room for the visiting team

who were just chilling, chill in minding their business. And when police found out, they said they couldn't believe this. A statement from the principal read, we deeply regret that this incident occurred and understand the fear, stress, and concern this may have caused for our students, families, and staff. Shoup pleaded not guilty to the 29 charges they threw at him, including 14 counts of invasion of privacy for recording a person fully or partially nude without permission. He also faces two counts of possessing a deadly

firearm or deadly weapon on school grounds. So the girls were in the locker room working out what they might do on the basketball court and Dinkus was hiding in a locker peering through the cracks of the thing. He was in the closet while they were changing and showering in one. Creeper. Gross.

Pretty gross. A Denver woman said she was left shocked and feeling violated after noticing a police drone hovering outside her window while she was taking a bath. I was just playing on my phone, relaxing, and I saw a flashing light coming from the window, the woman said.

It was a drone, and I was like, oh, my God. She called out to her boyfriend, who was also inside the apartment, and saw the drone flying close to their window. The couple estimated it was about 30 feet above the ground. When contacted, Denver police acknowledged the drone belonged to the department, but said it was part of a four-month first responder program headed to call near the apartment. Police said the camera had been.

been pointed in the other direction. But she said the encounter still left her uncomfortable. The department offered to show the boyfriend the footage and maintained the drone had flown about 200 feet for the entire flight, something the couple disputes. They also told them that the drone had been in the area for approximately two minutes and had circled the call location during that time.

Information from the program is stored on its drone as first responder transparency dashboard for 60 days. Since the program launched in October last year, First responder drones have been deployed to 622 calls for service in the Denver area. They arrive on scene before officers, more than 84% of the time. And drone pilots determine whether a physical patrol response is needed in more than 36% of those cases, freeing up officers from more serious incidents and keeping officers safe by knowing what they're getting into. So what do you think? Was this drone pilot trying to get a look at her boobs?

Well, I don't think so. I mean, the cops said, well, we'd be happy to show you everything. We got, and it's all, like, saved. But I don't know. They think otherwise. Drones. Everybody I have that got a drone was obsessed with it for about 30 minutes, and then they never talked about it again. It does seem like it's a little less popular than it was.

Yeah. It was very hot for a second, and guys got on there, oh, let me show you my drone. I don't care to see your drone. I want to see. I'd like to see it. I don't know any drone pilots. My uncle thought it was a good idea to buy a drone, and then he brought it up to the land that we hunt on.

And they were flying it around, you know, making sure everything was good on their land. And then it got stuck in a tree and they all have rifles. So they thought, well, that's just like shoot the branch. And the drone will come flying down. And I can't remember who it was. No one had a frisbee. My uncle or my dad, but one of them went to go shoot a branch.

And they ended up shooting the drone just a smithereens. That sounds like a blast. I know. That's awesome. Probably wasn't an accident once you investigate. Maybe that wasn't an accident. If, Josh, if you brought a drone over here to work or wherever we hang out and let me wear the goggles or however it works, I'd be very interested in trying it. I mean, I've heard some of the technology makes it very difficult to even crash.

The drone will say, no, no, no, I want to live. Yeah, even if the battery's low and knows to return to sender, basically. I can understand getting tired of it. You get tired of. Lots of things in that fashion, right? You buy a treadmill. You walk on it for two days, and then you just stack bills upon it or whatever. Sure, any little trinket, I guess, has a potential to get old quick.

When I used to live across the street from Pinnus Park, and if you haven't heard the story, it's because it was decorated adorned with some wonderful penis drawings one day when we woke up. An incredible amount and great detail. Lots of masturbators in that park. Oh, yeah, for sure. I was one of them. But there was a, it's like a drone club that would show up there once a week. Oh, yeah.

Like just a ton of drones all over the place. Fly them around and. It's louder than heck, but it was cool to watch. Here's a reminder that even burglars have upgraded to smart home tech. Police in San Jose say criminals aren't just cashing, the old, casing, that is, neighborhoods the old fashioned way anymore. No peeking through blinds to get a glimpse of valuables or see if anyone's home. instead they're deploying tech to case houses.

Investigators are looking into a case where a homeowner discovered a camouflage surveillance camera hidden inside shrubbery outside their home, neatly tucked into the bushes, aimed directly at the residence, suggesting it wasn't there to capture wildlife. Police believe the camera was used to monitor the occupants of the residents in preparation for a burglary or other criminal activity. Police later found a second hidden Wi-Fi device nearby and say this lines up with several recent cases across the area. So far, no arrests have been made in connection with those devices.

That's terrifying. Yeah, that'd be pretty freaky, right? Seeing something like that. A man in England has been jailed for being, quote, staggeringly stupid. 31-year-old Patrick Cole from Newcastle was sentenced to three years in prison after permanently tattooing three young children, believing that tattoos were only temporary, not understanding how a tattoo works. During testimony, he was called staggeringly stupid by the judge.

The judge said co-used his own home tattoo kit to tattoo the children, leaving them in pain and causing one of them to be permanently disfigured. The kids complained of being in pain while he was tattooing them. His claim the small designs would fade had proved to be false, the judge said. So he really didn't know that he was permanent? That's what he claims. What an idiot. When confronted about it, he claimed he didn't see anything.

wrong with what he had done. However, he has since shown some remorse for his actions. What kind of cool designs did the kids get? They didn't show pictures or really say what it was, Pokemon or something. His attorney said he did not intend to cause the victim's pain, telling the judge he does now appreciate what he did was incredibly stupid and should not have happened. I was like it when judges kind of throw in their two cents calling someone staggeringly stupid or they're just blown away by how dumb someone someone. can act. It can be fun.

Yeah, they usually have some good stuff. Honesty is fun. It is. Tonight on ABC and streaming on Hulu, the return of scrubs with back-to-back episodes. Hell yeah. Old friends JD and Turk scrubbing together for the first time in a long time, learning that medicine has changed. The interns have changed, but their bromance will stand the test of time.

And on Prime Video, a Caribbean woman gets her secret past revealed when the island is invaded by vicious buccaneers in the movie The Bluff. Rashida Jones from Parks and Recreation in the Office turns 50 today. Hubba, Hubble. Bob on Stranger Things, Samwise Gamge. Gamgee in The Lord of the Rings, Mike in the Goonies, and Notre Dame's Rudy. And Rudy.

Sean Aston turns 55. Not going to mention Encino Man? I forgot he was in Encino Man. You know, I have to say, and it's unfair, but I'm going to go ahead anyway, the sight of that character, well, he's not a character, he's a real person. The site of Sean Aston

has always forced me to change the channel. There's certain actors like that for me. Yeah, there's something about the look on his face that I've never been able to stand. Rick Flair, who 77 today. Who's that for you, Josh? I know I felt that way. I'll tell you.

I remember something from when we first started working together. For whatever reason, you could not stand the site of Forest Whitaker. Do you remember that? Not only do I remember that, I just didn't want to say it, because I know people love him. And I saw him in an episode of criminal minds yesterday, and I had to tell my wife, I just don't get it. I always liked him. Oh, everybody likes him. But there's something about the sight of him. He's a revered, I don't know what it is. What? I love that guy. I know this. Again, it's not fair. And there's not always a logical

explanation. When I see Sean Aston, I say, nope. I'm that way with Sandra Bullock. And I can tie it back to a girl I dated who was obsessed with her and she called her Sandy B. And that was just too much for me. So it's not Sandra Bullock's fault. It's this grudge that you can't let go of. I think so. It happens. Yeah, I was afraid to say it.

But yeah, I don't know why. It's not fair. The guy is a beloved actor. People love the guy and he's been a lot of great stuff. You know, Stephen Tyler. I changed the channel. I wonder what that is. His face.

No, I just mean like, where. It's not rational whatsoever. Well, it's something about them. Yeah, mine is, is it Zoe? DeChanel? Yeah, I just, she's a new girl. Yeah, I don't know what it is about her. She's my person and people are like,

is it because she's hot? I'm like, no, I like plenty of hot people. And maybe I shouldn't have added to Stephen Tyler thing in there because we're talking about people that we can't stand to look at for no good reason. I have very good reason. Stephen Tyler, when he was sometimes, I've heard him interviewed before where he,

He comes off like the most delusional, arrogant ass that has ever lived. So leave that one out of the conversation. There is a very direct reason why I can't stand him. I mean, part of the reason for Forrest Whitaker, and I feel terrible saying this about the guy. It's his birthday. No, it's not. It's just an oddity, Josh. It's nothing personal.

I think it's because sometimes they try and make him into this giant badass, you know? And he just doesn't come across that way to me. Yeah. What? You didn't see fast times when he played Jefferson? That dude, he mauled everybody on the football field. You know, I hear you. He had a cool transam, too.

I hear you. Anyway, no, none of it really makes sense. That's what's fun about talking about it. We don't know why, but these people set us in the other direction. It's not fair, and I bet if I met him, I would absolutely fall in love. I'm sure that's the case. Probably a wonderful guy. I'd imagine, I've never heard a bad thing about him.

Happy birthday to Bullet Club Jesus. Happy birthday to Stephanie from your husband. A happy 50th to what the Chuck Jesus? from tax collector Jesus. Happy birthday to Craig's, I think it's usually Craig Rosen's beard, Jesus from the one Jesus. Happy birthday to zombie princess Jesus.

Turning the big 05 today from Pig Floyd Jesus. We've got a zombie princess out there. We do. Turning five today. That's a fun one. More anxiety than hair Jesus said he'd like to wish his wife. I don't want to say it. He'd like to wish his wife, the shingles, bitch.

A very happy birthday. and that's 93x. I didn't want to say it. The shingles bitch. That's what he called her. Okay, got it. Happy birthday to you. You deserve better, even though he's a hell of a guy. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show.

What's going on, boys? What's going on? Oh, I don't know, a little bit of this and that. You doing all right, Brad Ryder? Yeah, I'm going to test this out. Oh, I'm actually again. What's wrong? I don't hear him. My phone is echoing. I hear myself.

Like three or four seconds after I talk. Oh, no. I've had that problem before. Well, uh... It's distracting. Sorry, Brad. You want to hang up and call back? I'm not sure it's going to solve anything.

Want to just hang up? Wait a second. Do you want to just hang up and not call back? Wait, wait, wait. No, Dana, if you just did something, it worked. I pushed a button. There you go. I don't know what button I pushed.

button. I just push it. Dana, way to go. I just push her and a button. There you go, Dana. That's a boy, Dana. Is it better now, Brad? It's much better. It is much better.

The technological wizard of Dana Wessel. Mm-hmm. Cripes almighty. There's like 50 buttons in front of me and I just pushed one of them. Just blind luck. That's how to do it. Mm-hmm. What does this do?

What does this do? What does this do? Eventually you'll get it right. I appreciate that. Thank you. That's a wonderful thing. Nice to have your boys along this morning. I don't know where we could go for starters.

Never saw last night's Timberwolves game. Sounds like it was a good game. Start is... Go ahead, Randy. I was just going to say anytime you get a win on the road in the Western Conference, I think it's a great night. Portland's a good basketball team. They're getting better.

Tough game. Jaden McDaniels was incredible last night. Did you get a chance to see it? You must have that. Yeah, I did. And he, I mean, obviously, what he brings to the table in the all-around game, he doesn't do it every night. You know, it's not like a consistent 20 points, eight rebounds, six assists, whatever. But last night, it was super consistent.

And the five blocks on top of everything else, he just had a great night. We were talking about Jaden earlier. We're all big fans of Jaden McDaniels. He's capable. See, here's the thing. He scores 27 points last night. And you mentioned six rebounds, three assists, two steals, and you mentioned the five blocks.

Here's the thing that drives me nuts as a Timberwolves man. He's capable of scoring in the 20s any given night. I personally wonder why more plays aren't run through him. Well, I was just about to say, I think the ball stops moving sometimes, you know, with some of these guys when they're on the floor. There's no doubt about that. And when the ball is moving around,

he'll get more opportunities to score because he may not be the first option, but sometimes when the ball stops moving and it becomes a black hole around one or two guys in particular, he's not going to get as many opportunities. I'd like to see their record, and I'm sure it's out there somewhere.

I'd like to see their record when he scores 15 or more points. Right. Because I bet you it's pretty darn good, you know. I'd like to see more possessive. Randy Schaever and Brad Ryder, where the ball is meant to go to Jaden McDaniels, and the play revolves around him because he has a pure enough touch where he should be able to score 20 damn near any given night. Well, that's the thing about the Timberwolves.

Four of their five starters are capable of scoring from anywhere on the floor. So in order for everybody to get involved in the offense, the ball's got to move around. It can't just sit with one guy. And sometimes you see that with this team. When this team isn't playing as well as they are capable, Brad's right. The ball doesn't move.

It's obvious and you notice it right away. You do. And I will say the wolves are pretty good at when one guy has the hot hand, they are pretty good at getting the ball to that guy. And I think last night McDaniels got the ball quite a bit. he made five of six threes he was hitting the shots you know

when he plays really well guys like Julius Randall are more complimentary players than you know a little bit more assists and less points that kind of thing so there's a good balance that can be had by this team but it all

starts with the rotation of the ball hey you know while I was sick last week couple weeks ago whatever when I took a couple days off. That's when I get a chance to actually watch some television. Did anyone see a mini series?

I don't know what they call it nowadays. It was like a 5, 6, 7 episode show called the Black Swan, the Black Duck, the Black Dog. What's his name? A younger guy? Well, he's not young. He's our age.

Now, Jason Bateman. Anybody? Yeah, I love Jason. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. What was, anyone see the series? The black goose. Oh, black rabbit?

Rabbit. The black rabbit. Yes, I did see it. You did. Yes. So my wife and I watched that series, well, last week, week ago, whenever I was sick. And Jason Bateman's character is this derelict who is a degenerate gambler like Randy Shaver.

He loses, he lost it in the series. There's a scene where he's admitting to his brother that he lost like half a million dollars. on one New York Knicks basketball game, right? Yep. And there's a line where his brother says, how'd you lose a half a million? And Jason Bateman says, effing Julius Randall, man.

And we all know that Julius Randall's a great basketball player. And when he's on, he is incredible. But he also, he has kind of like Anthony Edwards. He has moments. He has Michael Beasley in him sometimes. Yes, he has moments where he, The ball gets too sticky, and he'll even just dribble it off his leg like an eighth grader. So now my wife and I, after watching that series, when Randall does something silly,

we'll look at each other and say, effing Julius Randall, man. Devencenzio had 19 points last night. Rudy Gobert had 19 rebounds. Yeah. And they say here, again, I'm sorry, I missed it. The Wolves' three-point shooting was the trick to holding off the trailblazers. They were 17 to 35, and they made some big. big shots. Tomorrow night, the wolves play at the Los Angeles Clippers. Another late game tomorrow

night. And another big game. The Clippers are a decent team. Frigan Clippers. Netflix has cut loose. Oh, speaking of, you know, television programming, Netflix has cut loose with a couple more sports documentaries for you, Jock Sniffers. One of them is on Lamar, Odom, who cares? But another is about the Portland Jail Blazers. Do you remember that funny? nickname going around a number of years ago? Mm-hmm. I don't. It's all about the arrest-prone early 2000s Portland Trailblazers.

This will, and I remember some of their nonsense that era Portland Trailblazers Ball Club. They fought each other at practice. They got arrested for dope at the airport. They spit on fans. They threatened referees and reporters. They were frigging nuts. And I remember liking them for the airport. that reason. They were kind of like, in a different way, they were kind of like the bad boy

Detroit Pistons of that era, just because they were all a little wild. Zach Randolph, guys like that, J.R. Ryder was in there. Rashid Wallace. Rashid Wallace was totally out of his mind. Damon Stoddemeier. Anyway, April 14th is when you get a chance to see. I think the documentary is called the jailblazers. Oh, yeah. Rashid Wallace is featured Damon Stoddhamy. Ottomier, Bonzie Wells. Bonzie Wells. Made it to the Western Conference Finals. I think it was 99, 2000.

2000. They blew like a 17-point lead against the Lakers in game seven. Oh, you want to call that a blown lead? Haven't you seen the little documentary on that, Dana? No. Somebody put together a documentary on that particular game. I think it was game seven of the 2000 conference finals against the Lakers, playing in L.A.

against the Lakers had Shaq and Kobe, who were selling all the Sprite and the tennis shoes. that the NBA could ever dream of, right? Someone made up a little documentary on the refereeing. Are you mixing that up with 2002 against the Kings or did it happen twice? That's what I got confused. 2002 against the Kings, you're right. The Lakers had something like 27 free throws in game seven to like four for the Kings. Yes.

But I believe there also might have been some controversy in that Lakers game. I do remember that too, yeah. Yeah, they were a very good team. They just couldn't stay out of jail. I love a good documentary on something like that. That's very interesting to me. Yeah, like the one about the malice in the palace, that was fantastic. That was really good.

That was really good. Yeah, this is part of the Untold series. Yeah. These new ones coming out. Oh, I'm sorry. This is part of a show called Untold on Netflix. Oh, I love that show. There was a really sad one with Steve McNair.

I guess I completely missed all the details on that. That was gut wrench out. That was gut rich. That one, too, that was pretty good. I came home. We had a work, I think it was one of our booze cruises. I came home. my wife was watching that.

Like you, I mean, I'd heard certain stories, but I didn't know all of it. No. That was sad. I don't remember the Steve McDon't, was he not shot to death? Yeah. By a mistress. Oh, God. That sounds sad.

I worried that was going to happen to you for many, many years, Nick. Too many mistresses, too many opportunities. I think you're safe now. You're with a wonderful woman, and you know how to pronounce monogamy finally. I got a little scared at times, Cubby. I'll admit it. Oh, there's a couple. A couple stories you've told where I thought, oh, God, this is the last time I ever see him.

It's got to be Operation Human Shield. I'm going to jump in front of a boom. I can't let anything happen to him. I also got a little scared. I don't even know if I could even reference some of these without making you uncomfortable. But there was a letter that was mailed to you, which was very, or maybe an email, very disturbing. I remember that email. I remember it well. Do you still have that for evidence? If anything ever, if you're reading this email, this is exactly what. happened. I should have kept that email for evidence. Oh my goodness.

There's also a show coming up on Netflix about a chess cheating scandal if you're really bored or incarcerated. Is this the butt plug one? It's not the butt plug one. I'm out. But when I was reading the story, Dana, I skimmed over and I saw chess scandal

and the first thing I thought was, come on, butt plug. One time, baby. One time. But it was not in what What we're referencing, how many years ago was this, Josh? A dude won some trillion-dollar chess tournament. And then they found out later that he had inserted a sex toy into his can. Are you following this so far, Brad and Randy? Oh, yeah.

Brad knows all about it. Brad's no stranger. So he had inserted a sex toy into his little can ski, and he had a partner. watching the chess competition from a distance and hitting the on and off button on that butt vibrator to tell the dude what moves to make. They actually cooked up that idea, Brad's sex cabin. The whole butt-plug cheating scandal. That's how Brad plays board games.

Yeah, they sat down. They're like, all right, how can we do this? You know, I hope it happens simply because I hope some guy's not accused of this and it didn't happen. He denies it. He said it never. What does his name, Han something? And he denies it ever happened. And for the love of God, if that was, somebody was saying that about me, I'd want it to be true.

Hans Free, I think his name was. Oh, Hans Free. Yeah, he didn't have to. Brad Ryder. Uh-huh. Timberwolves' record when Jaden McDaniels scores 20 points or more, they're 26 and 16. When Jayden McDonnell... I would have thought it would be better than...

Wait, 26 and 16? So he scored 20 more points in 42 games this year? Apparently, according to one-lister's arithmetic, I warn you, though, they come from Wisconsin. Yeah, I don't think he scored. 20 or more in 42 games this year. Yeah, I don't think so. Maybe over the course of his career. No, I'm sorry, that's what I meant, career.

Oh, okay. Not this season. No, no, no, career. Career ski. All right. Again, if the Golden Gopher dudes only had a bench, they could win games like the one they played last night. God, for sure. The number three, Michigan Wolverines Basketball Club beat the Golden Gophers 77, 67 in Terrible, Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Nico Medved's starting five is very good, but that's where it ends. Yep. Well, and Crocker Johnson still is out, so that doesn't help them either. Right. And they were only down four points at halftime against the number three team, and then they give up nine three points shots in the second half. Yeah, they started dumping the three-point baskets. Up next, they're back at the barn Saturday to play the University of California at Los Angeles. Are you being serious?

I got a guy named Crocker Johnson. Yeah, that's the last name. Oh, I thought his first name was Crocker, last name was John. No, no, no. That sounds like he should own an alligator farm. Yeah. It's a crocodile farm. Not only is there, I mean, our starters are obviously good, but, I mean, we've talked about this.

They're very, very well coached. Oh, yes. You know, against top 10 teams like this, and they beat Michigan State, and they played well against almost everybody else. If you don't have a game plan, if you don't have a way to attack some of these teams, and he's the real deal. I'm on board with him. The record is misleading because they really are better than what their record is.

And that's saying a lot because, as Nick pointed out, they just don't have a bench. I mean, they don't. If they play seven guys, that's a good night. It's just, it's so hard to win in the Big Ten if you don't have at least a rotation of eight or nine guys. All right, Brad Ryder. I know. No, I was just going to say we complain about the portal and we complain about NIL. But in this case, I'm glad that they have it because they can add maybe two or three guys, you know, through the transfer portal and keep the guys that they have, you know, happy and keep them here.

They're going to be really good next year, I think. I think you're right. I was just going to tell you this season, another listener has done some arithmetic, and we appreciate it very much. Me and my gas, my uncontrollable gas, both appreciated. This season, when Jaden McDaniels scores 15 points or more, the wolves are 20 and 10. Okay, yeah. There you go.

About what I would have thought. All right, the Team USA dudes hockey team. naturally went on over to the state of hockey. After they got off the airplane from Italy, they held a big fat-ass party at a club down there in Florida called Club 11. I think they called the Joint Club 11. Is that a topless club? Well, there were strippers there.

Yeah. But I don't know if it was actually a topless club. They went to the state of hockey, Florida. They went to a big popular club. If it is a topless club, I wonder how the buttoned down NHL and Olympic officials feel about that. It didn't look like from the video that I was watching. It looked like they were wearing tops.

There's video going round and round. The boys were soaking wet with beer and hard liquor. They looked awful. Just terrible. They've been drinking for a few days now. They looked like they hadn't slept in days. It looked like they had no blood flowing through their body, just pasty white. I'll tell you what.

Reality is coming because the wild play four games in six days starting on Thursday night. Oh, they're going to be cooked. They're going to be so good. Quinn Hughes and those dead Victorian children better get there. Take the under, baby. They better get their acting. Exactly, man. Some of those guys are going to have about eight minutes of ice time the first.

Just puking on the bench. They all look terrible in the videos of them partying at this club. According to the nightclub, 11s, whatever it's called, Team USA spent $150,000 on Hooch. They drank some of that. the other, the rest of it, they Bukakied all over the crowd. And they say the tab came to over $150,000. Yeah, I suppose at a place like that, it's not like going to your corner bar where you can get a beer for three bucks.

I'm guessing everything's a little bit marked up. Yep. The video I saw the whole crowd sang Freebird together. And then they cut loose with our national anthem too. And a lot of folks on social media thought it was cute that even the strippers work in the joint. that night stood up and put their hands over their hearts to belt out the anthem. But they look like they could use about two days' sleep.

And they're young. I just pulled up the 11 website for this club in Miami that they were partying at. You know it's cool and fancy because it's spelled E-1-E-V-N. Yeah, especially if you take the vowels out of anything, I mean, I understand there's some ease in there. It makes it cool. For whatever reason, that's kind of what they do. do. Yeah, that's schmancy. That's when you know you're walking into a joint that's not only fancy, but also schmancy. Former hype man for the legendary rap act public enemy, Flavor Flav.

He's throwing a beer party in Las Vegas for the U.S. women's hockey team to celebrate their gold medal, or maybe it happened already. I got this story last night. Flavor Flavis says he'd like to, quote, do some nice dinners and shows and good times. For real. That'd be it sounds like a lot of fun. I remember the first time I saw public enemy on television when I was in high school. And I thought Flavor Flav was the most ridiculous moron I had ever seen in my life. But I do remember in that moment turning to a pal of mine and saying, someday that guy's going to host a party for the women's Olympic hockey team.

And then you doubled down on that during Flav of Love when that show was hot. You're like, I'm telling you, one day. He's going to hook up with a girl that poops on the floor? Uh-huh. And then, and a couple of years later, he's going to host the women's hockey team out in Vegas. I never saw him on Flavor of Love. I saw him on some other B-Colberty, Let's-All make fun of how old they look type of a program, where he was dating Brigitte Nielsen.

Oh, yeah. I remember that. But I quickly fell in love with Flavor Flay. It only took two or three appearances back from when I was in high school where I thought, okay, now I get it. At first, I didn't get it. But now I get it, and I love the guy. We all love the guy.

Don't we Flavor Flabe? He's a lot of less. Oh, he seems like a fun guy, for sure. Yeah, him and PJ Flecker pals. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Ever since. The Mayo Bowl.

Yep. So Flavor Flavs said he'd like to throw a women's Olympic kegger. And ever since he said that, a pile of different casinos and clubs have spoken up down there in Vegas. And they all say that they'd lend a hand in tossing this girl's hockey rager. Could 93X host the first keg stand or sponsor a, could we sponsor a beer ball? or something like that? Do we have any money in the... No. Don't ask questions, you know the answer, too.

Scheduling's going to be an issue for a lot of this stuff because a lot of those women either playing college or the pro league. Right. Oh, they'll squeeze it in. Yeah, dude over the summer. Keep the party going. They'll squeeze that some bitch in. Okay, now that the NHL is back in business,

a website has gone ahead and given us their opinion on the 10 most likely Stanley Cup winners this hockey season. This is the article talk, and they say at this point, the Colorado Avalanche are still the clear favorites to win the Stanley Cup. They have the most dominant team in the NHL so far this season. But they also note the league's other top teams appear to be getting stronger. So at this point in the season, as far as the top teams in the league go, here's Bro Bibles call from least likely to most likely to win the cup ski.

Number 10, Ottawa Senators. Number nine, Edmental Oilers. I've really enjoyed this trend of the Oilers getting to the finals and then pooping in their pants. If that happens again, that wouldn't disappoint me. I'm sort of rooting for Canada to get a cup winner at some point or another. But am I alone? Is that anyone else enjoyed watching the Oilers get to the finals? and then they realize, oh, God, we don't have what it takes and they get beat.

If the Oilers get to the final, that means the wild didn't get there. So I guess, you know. Number eight, the Detroit Red Wings. Number seven, the Pittsburgh Penguins. Number six, Las Vegas. Number five, the man bear pigs. And here's what they say about the pigs. Yeah.

They are tied with Tampa Bay and North Carolina for the second most points in the NHL at 78. Here's what Pro Bible says further. And you can tell, this is obviously someone outside the state of Minnesota who writes this. They say, they will have a relatively easy path to the Western Conference finals. Oh, really? One step at a time, boys. I think they have to play Dallas in the first round. The way it starts, the way it's set up now.

Yeah, I mean, if you look at the history, I wouldn't say it's an easy path. Anyone here in town knows that there's no such thing as an easy path in the NHO playoffs, especially for a club that hasn't had a lick at the second round in 11 years. Right. But the article says they should, they will, have a relatively easy path to the finals if things shake out like they currently stand. That's a bold statement. Number four, they go Dallas Stars. Now, here's what I find interesting.

They list the avalanche as the third best chance to win the cup. The article said earlier that the avalanche is a clear favorite, but only ranks them as a third most likely club to win it all. And here's why. They say the only reason Colorado isn't number one or two in the rankings is because the West is soft. What? Compared to the Eastern Conference.

Bro Bible says, I firmly believe this year Stanley Cup winner will come out of the east. Sounds like an East Coast writer. Who do they have ahead of Colorado? North Carolina. Come on to raise up. Deepest club in the league, they say. Number one, Tampa Bay.

From, again, the state of hockey. They say they've been on fire for months and this squad knows what it takes to win a Stanley Cup. I was surprised to read those top two. I really was. I thought for sure Colorado would be given. So how can you say the wild have a clear path to the Western final

when you've got Colorado and Dallas rated ahead of them. Yeah, I don't know. That doesn't make any sense. That's not a clear path. I don't know if Bro Bibles necessarily known for their, you know, journalistic research. I mean, it makes no sense.

And when they call the West Soft, I mean, I watch the Pigs now and again. I don't really watch much other professional hockey. I'm just going to assume that when he's calling the West Soft, he, this writer he or she, must think of the Eastern Conference as a more physical conference. we all know, even today, the game changes quite a bit when you get into the playoff when it

comes to physicality. So they must think of the top Eastern Conference clubs as more physically ready for playoff hockey. But it's just one man's opinion or woman's opinion from one website. Nick, when you mentioned Ottawa crap in the bed recently in trying to change. Edmonton, you mean? Edmonton, yes, excuse me, trying to chase down a Stanley Cup. There was a meme going around after the gold medal game that said it had a picture of the Stanley Cup trophy. and says, I don't understand why Canada is so mad.

They haven't touched silver since 1993. Dad! Oh, geez. Yeah. Those jokes are going to be fun until they finally give us no reason to make those jokes. So more hockey for you. Yesterday we mentioned the pigs and the possibility of a trade before the trade deadline comes around March 6th.

And I'm sure this will be a daily conversation until the deal is made. Yeah. I mentioned that I bet they'll be on the lookout for a center. Says here the pigs are the front runner to land a dude who just got done playing in the Olympics for the United States. Trocheque is the name. To be specific, this Trocheque character is formerly known as New York Rangers Center, Vincent Trocheck. The Red Wings and some other teams are also in the mix for this dude. I didn't pay much attention to Vincent Trocheck when I was watching the Winter Olympics.

I don't remember even seeing him, honestly. They called them a surprising pick by Bill Garron to be on the U.S. roster, not a dynamic offensive player as some of the guys who were left off the roster, like speaking of the Dallas Stars Jason Robertson. But Garron wanted a few guys who could play physical, win face-offs, and kill penalties. And now that they won the gold medal, it makes that move look brilliant. So, like we were just discussing, a lot has changed in the NHL since I was a super fan in the 80s and 90s, but some things haven't changed. And one of them is the importance of

winning face-offs and playing physical hockey in the playoff. And killing penalties doesn't hurt either. And these days you can be, you guys know this. Referees hand out penalties like they're handing out Halloween candy. So hell yes, go get a guy that can play short-handed. Go get a guy that can win face-offs. Go get a guy that can lay a body check out there now and again. And this trocheck, when I read his statistics, especially from what he did in the Olympics, this guy sounds perfect for the role. He won 38 out of 57 face-offs. He had three assists, but he was a significant part of the penalty kill who was perfect in the Olympics.

I didn't realize that. They were 18 for 18 on the penalty kill in the Olympics, and this Trocheque guy was a big part of it. Including the five-on-three against Canada. He'd likely be a first-liner if he comes this way, but Okay, after all the noise I just made, it's not a done deal yet. And if they don't go get this Trocheck dork, we'll have to have this conversation all over again. But damn, he sounds like exactly what a playoff team needs. He sounds perfect for what they're looking for.

By the way, so again, this will be a daily thing. Oh. On this date in 1940, the first hockey game was televised. York Rangers beat the Montreal Canadians 5 to 2, 6 to 2 if you count empty net goals. Yarmir Yager had two assists in that game for the Rangers.

1950-42. Cool. He was in the prime of his career back then. That makes sense. He was a veteran at that point. People doubted he could get it done. Yeah, exactly. All right, God help us all.

He probably played for three teams before. Yager? In 1940? Yeah. Well, he started with Peterborough. He was on his fourth team. And third wife. Yeah, playing for the veteran minimum at that point.

Oh, man. I'm just going to say this out loud. You guys can take it from there. I want nothing to do with it. Absolutely nothing to do with it. It's very difficult to hold down vomit. When I say this, you guys go ahead.

The Atlanta Falcons are going to release Kurt Cousins. Good. I wonder what that means for the Vikings. A lot of speculation. I mean, Kevin O'Connell has already come out and said, and so has Brasinski, that basically the quarterback position is wide open right now. Yes, they still like J.J. McCarthy, but I think the quote from O'Connell was, the timeline has changed.

Oh. And when he says something. like that, that means that they're not sold that he is the guy. They're going to find a veteran quarterback to challenge him in mini camp and training camp and all that kind of stuff

and likely will win the job. It almost lends more credibility to a lot of the speculation around who wanted him and who didn't. Yep. Not that, you know, not that McConnell didn't do his best to prepare him, But now that Quasi's gone, it's almost like, okay, well, now that the guy who supposedly drafted him and wanted him more than anybody else in the building isn't here, we're going to open this thing up.

Just like a marriage. I also don't think, though, Brad, that his play dictates that they open the position up to. You know, it's not so much that Quacy was the guy that supported him the most or, you know, whatever, defended him the most. it's just that his play now dictates that they because what O'Connell is saying is our window to go do something here is like right now and if he's not ready we got to find somebody who is ready

Kurt Cousins I don't think Cousins is the answer but I think he'll be a candidate I don't think he's the answer either but it would be hilarious I think he's a more capable backup than the ones they had last year For sure. Yep, for sure. Just the most boring, plain-wrapped, windless, gutless, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged. What movie is that? Vacation?

Vacation. Christmas Vacation? Oh, yeah, the Christmas ride. Where's the Tylenol? Other than the Wild and the Wolves playoff runs, whatever those look like, this is going to be the most interesting story of 2026. Well, you're forgetting about the twins, Randy. No, that's not. What the Vikings do at quarterback, the Vikings do at quarterback is going to be the most interesting story of 2026 for so many different reasons.

20 and 26. I wonder if anybody bought his house down the street from yet. I'm sorry, one more time, Brad Ryder? I was just kidding. I said, I wonder if anybody bought his house yet. He didn't live too far. me. Well, then. Well, look at that little humble

brag you slipped in. Everybody knows what statement you were trying to make right there, Bradrider. He lived in a very, he lived in a very modest house. He did. There's Brad, up on, he's up all high up on the hill there,

isn't he? Oh, yeah. You got to talk to this security guard at the front gate if you want to get into Brad's neighborhood. It was mentioned just the opposite way. He lived in a very modest house when he was here. Now Brad's saying his house is better than a former professional quarterback for the Minnesota Mike.

I bet his house was still pretty nice for it being modest. Definitely better than a regular house. You may. Not much. Not much. Do you have like a grizzled old, what do they call it in the business, Josh? The grizzled old guy in a tuxedo that answers the door. What do you call that guy?

A butler? A butler. A butler. A butler. Do you have an old butler at the door named McReedie or something? It's usually Jeeves, right? Named like Jeeves. Yeah, I was just about to say that's my butler's name is Cheez.

McReedy, who is that at the door? Bring the car around. Bring that car around, McReedy. I have an appointment with the Rockefellers. Who's at the door, see? Is it somebody that I know? It's Randy Shaver. Ah, Randy.

Off with his head. Here's something a little out of the regular. You want to end with something a little out of the regular? Out of the ordinary is how folks say it. A soccer game in Turkey had to be stopped for a while, not that anyone was paying attention in the first place, but the soccer game. What Dana was.

Yeah. You know, I'm glued to the Turkish Soccer League every afternoon. The soccer game was delayed while a player upped and performed CPR on a seagull that got hit by the soccer book. How does he know how to do that? This is up on 93x.com. You're making that up. I'm not making up Dick Tracy.

You can see it on our website. McReedy. Is there really video? Yes, yes, that's what I said. Bring the limo around. They think I'm making this up. Yes, sir. Oh, my God.

No way. What was your question? How did he know how to do this? He didn't. He didn't. He didn't. He didn't. He admitted the soccer player admitted afterwards that he didn't really know what he was doing. How did he CPR on a seagull? Let's see.

I take it that the seagull didn't survive. It did survive. Oh, my gosh. Well, that's amazing. So the seagull apparently died when the ball hit it upside its little head. It was a flying up in the air, don't you know? Yeah. And it fell onto the soccer field. but one player squeezed the life back into it.

Wow. It slapped this gull around. And everybody stopped playing. Even the crowd, even the crowd. They must be very sensitive, loving, caring people in Turkey. I don't know, but the whole crowd stopped. No one said, hey, you know, just kick the damn thing off the field. We're here to see soccer.

Everyone was waiting with bated breath to find out what happened. So he slapped it in the beak. he dumped some kind of birdie version of chest compressions on the damn thing. That's adorable. For about two minutes. Next thing you know, the gull was kicking its legs and its eyes opened up. They gave the birds some water. They carried it over to the sideline, and I guess it lived.

This sounds like a science-old episode. Yeah. It sure does. The local papers wrote about this Seagull rescue. I hate to do this because I know we just. went through it last week, but I can't help myself. The local papers turned the Seagull rescue story into a certain ornithological piece.

Of an avian variety. The paper created a headline regarding mass awareness of a certain avian variety. So anyway, the player who saved the bird's life, his name was Dan or something, I don't know. Chiefs. What was his name? Chiefs.

Jeeves. He said after, the game that he didn't know what he was doing. But he also said when someone informed him that the bird lived and we hauled it out of here to go have it cared for, this is my favorite part of the story. The soccer player said he would consider visiting the bird. What? What is this dude talking about?

What? He said if someone would give him the address to where the bird was being treated, he would consider visiting. visiting it if he can find out the location. Does he want to be this bird's best friend? Yeah. You know, sometimes he do those human interest piece on the news where somebody is in the right place at the right time and rescue someone and then they show them reuniting.

Yeah. Him and the bird hanging out together. Oh, my God. And then this quote. One final final note. From the bird? Yeah, the bird said, Pat.

And then the Fox said, I know, I don't. The player after the game, this was a championship game. I neglected to mention that. This was some version of a Turkish championship game. The player said, because his team lost, we missed out on a championship. We did, he said. But helping save a life is more important than a championship. This is the most sensitive man on planet Earth.

It's a seagull. Josh, this guy is even more soft, caring, and sensitive than you are. Don't appreciate the soft comment, but yeah, he seems like a super nice. Well, you know, I don't mean soft in a negative way. Seems like a really nice guy. He's got a lot of perspective. And Ashley, don't give me this hard Ashley act. I don't know.

You're the biggest. I don't really care about birds. You don't care about birds. I thought you loved all animals. No, birds are, like, I don't know. For some reason, I just think about them differently. I'm not a huge fan of them. I like owls.

But you're telling me, fine, I'll go along with you don't like birds the way you like other animals. Yeah. You're telling me that a seagull is kicking its legs and gasping for air and obviously dying in front of you. You're not going to do anything to help that bird? I'd probably help it, yeah. In what way? But I would probably try to do a little bird's CPR, but I don't. Actually, I don't, I don't know.

Sounds like you're covered in, because they're covered in, like, diseases. Yeah, you're going to get the bird flu. Yeah, that's what I'd be iffy about. They do carry disease is what I've. I've heard before. Honestly, to be completely honest, I would probably have to, like, leave the area because I wouldn't want to touch it now that I think about it. Yeah, yeah. The diseases would stop me from doing that.

But I would have to leave what's happening. You want to know an effed up true story? My buddy Lou and I were sitting ringside at a strip joint once. The stripper picked up Lou's t-shirt, bit him on the nipple. The next morning he woke up. He had the bird flu. Oh, come on. True story.

No way. True story. Dana, you'll get this. Was it D Reynolds? Well, I want to be a part of the joke. Start watching Always Sunny, Josh. Okay, that's on me. I get crap for not watching that show a lot.

So good. Never saw it. I don't know. I got to say a passed out seagull is pretty cute. You guys will all watch the video with its legs straight from here. My buddy Dougie hates birds. Want to know why? Because he drinks too much and they wake him up in the morning.

I can agree with that. He says whenever he ties one on like a son of a bitch just gets blasted. He always wants to sleep in a little bit, but the birds wake him up. He hates birds. Similar reason why I hated this here morning show in the early 2010s because I lived across the street from a construction site and they would start listening and they would pump it up. The sound of the morning show every morning and when I was like 25, I was just trying to be hung over in peace. I didn't want to be listening to morning radio.

And it was louder than the construction equipment? Yeah. Progressive speakers. Wife plowing Jesus knows a thing or two about avian rescue. He says most birds come back to life. Is this a joke? Most birds come back to life when you blow on them? What is this?

A joke? Is it a joke? I don't know. Get back to us, wife plowing Jesus. What are you doing? Running around town blowing on birds? I mean, there is another name for male genitalia that's a bird reference. Is that what he's referring to?

I don't know. He's going to get back to it. Aren't you, wife, blowing Jesus? What are you talking about? You can bring a bird back to life by blowing on it. I'm going to guess, yeah, this is a reference to a male bird. Oh, you think it's a particular variety. Try that on your great grandma.

Oh, my God. You know, when she's on her way out. This is what I love about this show. Come on back, Grandma. I never know. Grandma! What's going to happen anymore? No, it didn't work.

Oh, my God. She gone. I blew like hell, but she's gone. Was that too dark? We go from talking about Jane McDaniels. Yes. Going on birds. Mouth to mouth.

Oh, God. You know what kind of bird can't get pregnant, Josh? A swallow. A swallow. Oh, oh, okay, Josh. Wife plowing Jesus, it sounds like, yes, that was a dick joke. I assume. when he said birds come back to life when you blow on them.

I can't believe wife plowing Jesus didn't have any actual facts for us. I can't believe a name like that would make a joke. All right. Now, others are saying he's not joking. You blow in their beak and they come back to life. Wow. If a dead bird is in your neighborhood blow into its beak, it'll come back to life. A couple people are saying it's a dick joke, but it's also the truth.

It's too bad you don't have a couple of former employees that used to work. I won't mention their names, but you used to send them out to do stuff. You could send them out around town and try to find dead birds to try to do this. You just need somebody with a pellet gun and then somebody to do your CPR. Yeah, you want to find a dead bird, Brad. I'll kill a bird for you. Back in the day, U.S. Bank Stadium, they were an own phone. Oh, that's right.

That was funny. That was weird. That was so excessive. So many bird deaths. Flying into the windows at the new Metro Dome? I can't. I would think that's just hilarious. That was terrible. His guts and bird ass all over the sidewalk.

Somebody had to clean that up. She's trying to go to a football game. You've got to step over a pile of dead birds. My parents have a really big window in their backyard, and they have, like, woods back there. It's very naturey. And my mom's such a good cleaner that birds often, often commit suicide on their window at their house.

It's very dark. You're just sitting there mind of your own business, and then boom. Oh, there's another dead bird. Oh, birds fly into the windows now and again. Hey, Randy Schaber, snot rocket, sheizes, has a question. If you begin to die, would you like us all to blow on you? If you begin to die, give us that wave, give us that I'm dying wave,

and then we'll all begin to blow upon you and see if we can bring you back. That's his wife's job. My goodness. Let it be known that the woman on the show said that. All right. Yeah, that's true. If that for some reason makes the news. None of us were even thinking that.

I don't want to blow on Randy. Randy's going to get off the phone now and go pretend that he's dying. You know, Ashley said that's your job. Oh, gosh, I didn't mean I like that. Others are saying you can save a dying bird with a warm blanket and some hot water. I don't know. It sounds like you're making chicken noodles. Toot.

Cover them with a blanket to warm the body. We had a hawk crash into our window. One of our windows, for whatever. We put furniture in front of it now so they can see something. Yeah, they'll crash into a window. We didn't have anything there, and there's a window on both sides of the house, so I think they just thought, ooh, I'm going to fly right through there. Yeah.

And that thing I thought was dead, but it was just kind of knocked out. We brought it to, like, the bird sanctuary people, and they're like, yeah, it's all good. How carefully do you have to be when bringing a... What did you do? They said, yeah, we put a towel. They said just put a towel in a big cardboard box. And thanks to my wife's Amazon addiction, we had a variety of any bird.

A bunch of them. Was it out cold? Different sized boxes for different birds. Yeah, whatever bird crashes in there, we're good. Oh, he was knocked out. I thought he was dead. Oh, so it wasn't moving. It wasn't conscious when you picked it up.

I felt awful. I'm like, oh, no, you know, look, it was, you know, this majestic bird. and I thought for sure it was dead. And I'm on the phone, you know, like going, asking the rescue or whatever you want to call it. Like, what do we do here? What do I do respectfully for this bird? I'm like, oh, he's moving.

And then they said, just bring him in. I probably just would have kicked him out of sight. But, I mean, yeah, if that thing's kicking and screaming, I don't know anybody who would pick that damn thing up. Yeah, it was completely, it was knocked out. He had no idea what he or she had no idea what was going on. Didn't know what the hell hit him. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on?

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So buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-ass morning show, 93X. Well, this has really been something. I almost don't want it to end, ever. Welcome back to the half-ass morning show.

She is 834. How's it going? Good, very good. Great, yeah. Happy to be here. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you very much.

Glad it's going all right. Text us, 651, 989, 93. The question, how's it going? Yeah, let us know. Let us know. You know, every once in a while, we like to turn the conversation over to you friggin breeders. I'm not a member of that club. I'm no breeder.

But by God, some of you just pump out kids left and right, up and down, as if we don't already have enough problems. Ashley, you got a kid or two. How's it going? It's going good. Yeah, he could sleep better, but he's starting to get cool. Starting to get a little bit of a personality. Oh, yeah. This is pretty funny stuff right here.

I'm just picturing. When I picture some of what I'm about to tell you really crack me up. What we're talking about here is the different ways little kids can accidentally injure their confused, unprepared parents. It happens. Maybe the most infamous example, Josh,

of how little ungrateful children can injure one of their parents is the notorious nut stomp. Is that right, Cubby? Oh, yeah. That's number one on the list. I mean, that's kept America's funniest home videos on the air for 20 years. I was going to say Bob Saga became a multimillionaire over this very topic. That's all I think of when I hear it.

It was an overcast day, June 4th, 2018. I took one right to the nuts, putting a pitching a wiffle ball to my son. I sent you guys the video. I have it on security camera. Yeah, I just watched it. That was good. Yeah, I took a good one right to the pills, didn't I? Even better when I realized it was you, not just a random video.

Oh, yeah. I should have set that up. I just sent you the video. Yeah, that made it even funny. I'm like, oh, that's Josh. I didn't realize you. I just watched it, dude, that's awesome. Wait a minute.

You just sent us a video of you being hitting the pills by a wiffle ball? Yeah. Oh, wow, I got to look up. Can I post this? I would, yeah. Yeah, that's okay with you? Let me just double check with my wife because my son's in there, but I think she'd be okay with it. Yeah, he got you.

From the angle, it looks like you got you in the guts, but you're saying pills. Oh, yeah, it got me right. right in the testicles. My favorite ones from America's Funniest Home Videos is the birthday party with a pinata, kid blindfolded, and just wax dad right in the wiener. Never give a kid a pinata. What are you doing?

Those are the best. Those kill me every time. Don't blind a child that is a weapon. It's not a good idea. That goes for all ages, in my opinion. Pignatas are a bad idea. Or when they surprise jump in your lap, that's bad for your testicles? Ashley, have your privates been curbstomped?

Not down below, but yeah, he beats up my boobs pretty good. Like punches him? Yeah, he does that. But that's adorable. He can't hit too hard. But if I don't cut his nails, like every hour, I'm pretty sure at this point, he will dig it because he tries to like grab. I don't know. He's doing stuff with his hand while he's eating and he'll just like scrape my skin.

It's like nails on chalkboard. Like, oh, I have scars. So you have been hurt. Yeah, I mean, I have a cut on my chin right now from him. I don't know even when it happened. My husband goes, oh, did he get you? I was like, oh, that's why my chin stings. Ashley's been hurt, cubby's been hurt.

We're talking about the different ways little kids can accidentally injure their parents. And again, picturing some of these things is very, very funny. Head butts. Those are good ones, too, taking one on the chin or something. We're leading off with that. Here's a parent who says they got their nose broke. for them by a little kiddie headbut. They have hard heads.

Mom or dad was leaning in for a kiss and the kid dumped an old Arne Anderson-style headbutt broke the nose for him. A cornea scratch from a baby grabbing my eyelashes. Oh, like I said, those little nails, razor blades. I wouldn't even think to know to trim a kid's fingernails. And the thing is, is you want to look at them and be like, F you. Why would you do that? But you can't because they have no idea what they did.

No, go eye for an eye with them, Ashley. You know what? Slice. They're so herky-jurkey, you know, and they're so physically unable to control themselves yet. The motor skills have been kicked in. They're like puppies. Here's a some bitch suffered a chip tooth.

When the kid made a sudden upward head jerk motion. The head pops up. Weep. knocked the tooth, chip the tooth right out of his yapper. There's probably a guarantee that my son will eventually hit my teeth and chip the front one because it's been chipped in the past, so it's just filled in. You ever think about wearing a mouth guard? Honestly, it's probably a good idea.

A helmet. What about when they get old enough to throw things? A lot of parents are saying they get black eyes from thrown toys. Dislocated fingers. Oh. Ah, that sucks. This parent says they were holding hands with their toddler walking along. La-da-da-da-da.

Right? And then the kid suddenly collapses himself. You know how they do when they get upset? They'll just collapse themselves. And so all of the child's weight suddenly was on the parent's finger, pulled a couple fingers right out of the socket. Ow. Yeah, my wife's had bloody noses, bloody lips and stuff from getting head butted.

It's kind of hilarious. And we punched by accident, that kind of thing. You're carrying the baby in that baby Bjorn. Is that what they call it? Like a baby carrier, yeah. Is that what they call it? Yeah, look at you. Wasn't that different?

Oh. I thought the Bjorn was the thing you wore. Oh, that's what I was, that's like a chest protector or the kid said. That's what I'm talking about. You carry the baby. It's up here on your chest. The baby's facing the same way you are. Right?

Yeah. I've always heard of that as Bjorn. Yeah, you're right. The baby suddenly slams its head. towards you, busted lip. That is dangerous because they say the way you're supposed to place them on you is you're supposed to be able to like

put your head down and kiss the top of their head. So that's, I mean, you're putting them at, they have an advantage there to kick your ass. The baby jerks its head backwards, splits your lip for you. Hair ripped out in clumps. Do you guys notice? I actually have my hair up.

I try not to put it. up. So on the right side of my head, up where my little baby hairs are, there's pretty good on my right side, but on my left side, it's been torn out more. Oh, really? Yeah, it kind of looks like I got a bald spot. He's pulling your hair out.

Quite a few mothers are texted in talking about nipple bites. I can't even imagine. No, no teeth yet. Once blood was drawn. Blood was drawn from the nipple from a baby nipple bite. We're done. We're Done at that point.

Done. Bruised ribs. Toddler jumped off some furniture on to dad's chest without any kind of a heads up. Just give me a little swanton bomb. Toonails ripped out. Ow. How? Dad or mom were barefoot.

Baby had the big baby shoes on. Stomped him or her on the bare foot. Ripped the toenail off for him. Those frigging baby shoes are made of cast iron for Pete's sake. Why are they so heavy? I don't know. This one really cracked me up. An eardrum rupture.

An ear drum rupture from a child screaming directly into their ear at point-blank range. I can't imagine how much that would hurt. Cracked your eardrum open for you. Ear drum fluid everywhere. I mean, you guys probably know as well as I do how it feels to be like at a concert and somebody tries to talk in your ear and they're talking way too loud and it hurts. Oh, yeah. Imagine a kid.

just screaming directly into it. No thanks. And a split eyebrow that needed stitches from a flying sippy cup. Dads are texting in saying their chest hair gets ripped out by the baby when they try to hold baby without a tank top on. I bet same with their beards too. Beards. Oh, yeah, I've seen that before where baby gets a hold of dad's mustache.

That dad is helpless in that situation. I don't understand why babies have such a good grip strength. I was going to ask you if you're, yeah, because ours did too. I don't understand. They do have grip strength that's a little, it doesn't seem right based on their size. To the point where sometimes you can't get them to let go of something because in order to get them to let go, you would hurt them because it's so strong. Up at the crack at dawn, Jesus has a friend whose earring was ripped out by a baby. No.

I saw that happen once, not from a baby, and it was not a pleasant sight. Earing ripped out. And Josh, I bet that's because it's a baby, I bet it's a bit of a slow process. You know what I mean? I wonder. Where it's pulling and pulling and pulling, and you're going with the baby. It's not right away. It's a baby.

They're not that strong. So I bet that's a slow process. Brewer's in High Life, Jesus said his daughter's in second grade. He went to her school to drop something off. She told her friends, watch this and ran up to him. he thought she was about to give him a hug, but she punched him right in the gut. What the heck?

You bully? And he said, I was so embarrassed and there was nothing I could do. No one's messing with that kid for the rest of the year. Just the emotions, too, like, oh, my God, she's going to show me some affection, and then she punches you in the gut. Don't mess with her.

She kicked her dad's ass in front of us. Now, here's a listener who's texting, and we're talking about how little ungrateful babies will accidentally injure you. Split lips, broken noses, stitches in the eyebrow, nuts, and genitalia stomped into dust. One of our listeners says, hell, my daughter almost forced me to choke to death. Mom or dad is eating as they're swallowing. The baby suddenly gives them a WCW Haku chop to the throat.

Remember Haku? He used to dump some horrific throat chop. So baby chops mom or dad in the throat as they're swallowing food. You're choking to death, son. And the baby would, I mean, what if mom or dad would have dropped dad right there? Baby's laughing. Baby don't care. You know, I was going to say, like, with kids, also you run the risk of stepping on Legos,

but it's probably the same at your house, Dana, and you're a 40-year-old man. We got a new rug for the basement, and so we pulled up the old one and had to move the couch out. you'd think you usually find like a bunch of food and a bunch of crumbs. No, just all Lego pieces. And you guys have never run a daycare. No. It's just all day. All mine.

And some of I'm like, oh, I was looking for that piece, actually. I don't have any memory of being physically abusive to my folks. I remember doing something much, much worse, throwing up on my mom's head on her head. And you've guys seen her hair. She takes some time with her hair. It's like a. It doesn't appear. It's a, you take that back right now.

She's not having a good day. I'm sorry, Mom, what's going on? Oh, not to turn it so dark, but one of our dogs had to be put down. Oh, no. One of your dogs? Family dog growing up. Yeah, shout out to you, mom. Sorry about that.

Oh, no. Booby. Yeah, Bella. Love you, Bella. Anyways, she had this like... Sorry about your booby. She has like a hair spray type of puffy afro vibe going on. And, you know, she does the curlers and everything, and her hair's all done and just,

just, bleh. Pugola. Oh, that took a while to clean up. So I don't have any memories. Of course, you know, you're a little baby. You're not supposed to remember things like this. But I do remember once when I was very mean to my grandfather. And actually, sadly, it's the last memory that I have of the man.

I wonder if, like, that it made such an imprint because of how you were so mean. Well, yeah, it obviously left an imprint. I'm 54 years old, and I still remember it. And my grandpa on my dad's side died very young. I think I was five years old when he checked out. Wow, that's really young. Yeah, he checked out. He was, I don't know, 60?

Anyway, my last memory of the man, I was really friggin mean to him. So we were at Grandma and Grandpa's place. Grandpa was sitting in his easy chair. And my memory is he wasn't the most affectionate guy in the world, but he said, hey, what's going on, grandkids? and my brother walked up and kind of clammed in it. We were like five. My brother walked up and climbed in his lap and gave him a hug.

And my brother walked away. My sister climbed up in his lap and gave him a hug. It was my turn. I walked up and I went and I spit in his face. Oh, no. Were you trying to be funny? I have no idea. Like you always never said why you did that?

I don't think they remember it at all. I spit in his face. I was a five-year-old kid. I didn't want to be there. God knows what my problem was. But that's my last memory of the man. That's so sad. I meant like it's so young.

Obviously, he was young when he passed away, but I meant like so young for you to have such a vivid memory. Yeah. I spit in his face and I remember being at his funeral, and that's the end of the story. I can't tell you too many. Did you apologize at the funeral? Like, hey, man, my bad.

He died from child spittled. Yeah. It was your fault. I wonder if it even crossed my mind. You know, you're so little. I remember it was very cold and windy that day. Fast Morning Show. We've been talking about the different ways that babies and whatnot, you know, little kids,

the different ways they can injure their parents accidentally, I guess, accidentally, injure their parents or other grown folks. This stuff is hilarious. I love the text messages. I got a few more text messages I want to share with you. This stuff is very funny because the little kids don't know what they're doing, and we're easy targets because we're slow and old. Sometimes they do know what they're doing.

Sometimes they do. Like Crazy Mom Sheez said she punched her dad straight in the jewels when she was little because she thought it was funny. In one case, he had an ice pack for hours and she did get grounded. I can understand it. I probably did punch somebody in the dick when I was a little kid just to see the reaction. I mean, even being on the opposite end of that, you know how painful it is, whatever. For whatever reason, that is still kind of hilarious when somebody takes. Oh, it's always hilarious.

Watching youth sports, you see somebody get one. You know, and everybody, all the parents, everybody kind of last. trying to stifle a laugh a little bit. The players are all laughing. My favorite is when everybody in unison goes, oh. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that, crossing legs. Yeah, yeah, you kind of grab it. You're like, oh, God, that must hurt.

One of our listeners has a six-year-old son, and one day that six-year-old son dumped an elbow in his dad's eye. Ouch. And the old man had a black eye for weeks. Oh, man. I can't remember the time I physically hurt my dad, but I did something that I, looking back, I was such a little dick.

My dad worked his ass off, you know, and just wanted a couple quiet moments to read the sports page in the morning. So he'd be holding the paper up reading it, you know, and I would go and I would just punch the paper and, like, crumpled up. Like, for no reason. And I thought it was hilarious.

Looking back, I'm like, that was such a dick move. That is such a straight up. You're just a bully. I know. You're bullying your father. And I thought it was hilarious. He's just trying to have a couple quiet moments of himself, read about the ball game from the night before,

and I just go and wreck his sports page. So best off. One of our listeners says, my daughter, one or two at the time, punch me in the jaw while I was sleeping. He says, I woke up ready to fight. I could see why. Chipped one of his teeth.

He says, his daughter, punching him in the jaw when he was sleeping, chipped his favorite front tooth. He's got a favorite, huh? Another listener says, I was sleeping on the couch, and my son threw his tonka trucks on my face. Those things are heavy.

Which ones? Yeah, the new ones where they're plastic or the old, the metal ones, that'll kill a guy. He weighed like 50 pounds. Can't you picture a little kid? Just like, time to play, right? And you're unconscious. You can't throw tonka trucks on somebody's face. Had a kid puncture my eardrum for me when they stabbed me with a capri sun straw.

Oh, dang, those things are lethal. Have you ever missed trying to, those are like impossible to get to work? You can impale your hand. Yeah, I was going to ask if you ever missed. I saw a friend open up his hand doing that. You can perform a tracheotomy with a capri sunstroke. You can accidentally put it through both sides very easily if it's so sharp. They are deadly.

Right in the earhole stabbed a player with his capri. The bookkeeper Jesus said his kid was three years old, walked up to his father-in-law and bit him right in the wiener. Oh, no. That's so mean. It makes me spitting in my grandpa's face sound a little less nasty. Right. you're up the hook now.

A nine-month-old kid. Stuck his entire hand in my left eye socket. His entire hand? Haven't gone to see the doctor yet, but I wake up in the mornings. It's still sore. I would think so. The whole hand went in his left. One more listener says, I got peed on once, but it was all part of me and my wife's Saturday night gimmick.

We like to try things. I ain't scared of anything, he says. This person says my dad was hugging my son goodbye. and he bit his nipple so hard that the dad almost lost the nipple. Dad almost walked away one nipple down. Yeah, he's down to two nipples. Friggin' breeders. All right, we got to go.

It's 9 o'clock. A couple shout-outs before we go. Good luck to the Hastings, Varsity Boys and Girls Wrestling teams. Both headed to state in the next few days from Painting America. Jesus. Shout out to longtime listener, scaffold building master Jesus Chuck for doing an exceptional job. And happy last year of your 40s to Mr.

Famous Green from a texter calling themselves your biggest fan. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat.

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