93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Jujitsu Bear

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

Originally Aired August 27, 2026: Veterinarian Doctor Andrea answered pet questions. Dance for a discount. Everything you've ever wanted to know about Josh's love for learning.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Sorry to say, another beloved character from pop culture, Hollywood. A very accomplished actor has passed. Tim Curry. He was great, man. 80 years old. Now, I have to admit, Josh. I have to admit right from the get-go, other than going way back to the Rocky Horror Picture Show,

I wouldn't be the guy to turn to if we wanted to roll through the career resume for Tim Curry. Now, he had an instantly recognizable face. I've never had trouble recognizing the man. He had a very unique look. but can you fill me in on some of the other career highlights for Tim Curry? Well, Stephen King's It, the television series. He was it, or Pennywise. Also, Clue, the Butler and Clue.

That's one of those movies I think we've watched as a family more than Eddie. Clue was really big for our family growing up. The movie Clue. Oh, it's hilarious. Absolutely. Did you ever see it? Never saw it. You might like it today.

I mean, I don't even watched it in a decade or more, but that was such a funny movie. I have vague memories just a star-studded type scene, if I'm not mistaken. Right? Just loaded with somebody's. Am I correct about that or not? With clue? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Hunt for Red October, Home Alone 2.

Never saw it. You know, people are saying the true Pennywise, right, the OG. I loved his accent in the intro. Was he sick? Yeah, well, he had a stroke many years ago, and it's just progressively got worse. He died on the same day as Dolly Parton. Oh, he did? Yeah.

I'm sorry to hear that. Again, very recognizable guy, but I, unfortunately, I don't think I saw a lot of his work. Do you know any rocky horror picture show? enthusiasts, the people that would go to the show every week. Yes. Is that still showing somewhere in town? I think so because didn't it just have its 50th? There was an anniversary not too long ago.

I can't remember exactly when. And they're still drawn a crowd and they still bring the props and everyone knows every word and every move and every lyric to every song. I've never seen it. It looked kind of weird to me. I've never really been into musicals. Right. But in high school, a lot of friends would go.

It was kind of like Greece. Everybody had to watch Greece, which I'd never sell. Oh, yeah. And then go to Rocky Horror. And so people told, just like you said, people said, there's certain things you do at certain times. Right. And when I went to Weird Al, I didn't realize Weird Al kind of has a similar bit. I thought I was a Weird Al fan until I went to a show and I thought, I don't know anything about this guy.

You're nothing compared to his real fans. Yeah, I know. I didn't feel like a real fan. If you're a dedicated fan to Weird Al Yankovic and you know his, what's the term, catalog yeah there are certain moves and certain dances and certain chants I give

a lot of credit to those people that takes a lot of practice and a lot of dedication whether it be the Rocky Horror Picture Show crowd or you know I think there are Star Wars and Star Trek fans who they know every friggin move and every what else did you mention there? A weird

Al and at any rate my sister for a stretch of time was that character when she was young. She would, I forget which theater it was showing in here in town. Every Friday night or something, they'd show the Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight, and she would go, and they'd bring the umbrellas, and they'd all dress as a character.

And they all, I mean, so what an impact, what an obvious impact that movie made on the general public. I'm sorry to hear about Tim Curry. And now it sounds like maybe I've got some work to do myself. I should maybe look into some of these features that you brought up. It sounds like you really enjoyed them. Yeah, another one of those actors, comedic actors, who liked playing villains, but his facial expressions could get you to laugh.

Like I said, he had a very unique face and he knew how to use it. Definitely. Oh, damn. Well. To address some texts we're getting, yeah, we are having technical difficulties. Are we? Sorry. Are levels all over the place, Dana?

Sounds normal to me? Okay. I don't know what's going on. Here's a listener who says the Rocky Horror Picture Show is now part of a regular showing in Las Vegas in that sphere. Hmm, that'd be cool. Or it will be. I want to see something there. There are plans to show it in the sphere.

The Uptown movie theater is now a concert venue, but when I lived in there. That's what it was. From like 2010 to 2020-ish in Uptown. It showed every Friday night, and there would be a line around the block at midnight, people waiting to get in. That's what it was. Yeah, I never went. I regret not going to see it because I don't know the movie. I don't know the cues to stand up and do whatever.

Isn't it meatloaf in it? Yeah, meatloaf is. And you're a huge meatloaf. A huge meatloaf guy, I know, which is crazy that I never saw it. But it always looked like so much fun and just, I just enjoy people having fun. You know, seeing them all excited, lined up around the block when I'd be going from bar to bar around midnight. night and yeah he should have checked it out. I had no reason

not to. Spot Dork, Jesus said one of his faves was legend in 1985 where he's Lord of Darkness. Yeah, he was great in that. Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise? That's how he got all that cabin and brainard money. That's right. Was that legend movie in 19...

Yeah, I've got some movies to watch too. Josh, what about a listener who's a Tim Curry fan? Oh, I'm sorry. I got mistaken. You just mentioned legend. I got mistaken when reading this text. I thought this was a separate title called Legend as the Lord of Darkness. But you just, you see what happened there?

That was his character. You see the mistake? That could have been a sequel. So my wife inadvertently played a dirty trick on me yesterday. I woke up from my little nappy nap. And the first thing she tells me is Booger died. And I said, huh? and she said,

Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, he's dead. And I said, oh God, no kidding. Curtis Armstrong, the name of the actor. And I'm a fan. If you only know him as Booger from 1985s or 84, maybe it was, Revenge of the Nerds, great role, great character,

but he was, Curtis Armstrong, is, that's where I'm going with this, Curtis Armstrong is a very, it's not flexible. What's the word in the movie business? A versatile, very versatile actor. I don't know if you saw the movie Ray, where Jamie Fox portrays Ray Charles. Nobody here it's great. Curtis Armstrong has a big role in that movie. Endless television and movie roles, cartoon character voices.

Curtis Armstrong, the guy who plays. So my wife wakes me up yesterday and says, Booger died. So, in preparation for what we just got done doing for Tim Curry, I sat down with my computer and started writing down notes on the life and times

of Curtis Armstrong. And I didn't spend a lot of time, but I did search real quick Curtis Armstrong death, didn't find anything on the internet, didn't think much of it, went right back to prepping. I went right back to prepping a conversation about the passing of Curtis Armstrong.

And then I finally did a little more research. After prepping for a good half hour, I did a little more research on my computer, and I found nothing on his passing. So I said to my wife, I said, are you sure Bougar died? I'm not finding anything on the internet. So she taps on her phone, shows me a picture of Tim Curry, and says, well, isn't this Booger? Oh, no.

Oh, no. And I said, no, that's not Bougar. That's Tim Curry. So she said, oh, don't they kind of look alike, which I suppose they do. A little. So this story, I hope, doesn't take anything away from the passing of Tim Curry, but just I had a little adventure yesterday. So, I mean, Josh, if Curtis Armstrong, who played Booger, if he dies today, I'm ready to

talk about it tomorrow. Oh, good. I have all kinds of information written down here on Curtis Armstrong. Well, that's how publications do it, right? They have a whole bunch of stuff lined up for celebrities of a certain age. That's so, so creepy to think about. She mistook Tim Curry for Curtis and the whole Our household was turned upside down

It's so funny like what you guys think of when you think of Tim Curry But like when I think of him I just think of him Being in like random TV shows I've watched Like he's been in Law & Order SVU For like a he was in there for a decent stretch And he was in Revenge of the Nerd Or maybe it's Booger I'm not sure if it was law law and order SVU

But it was one of the crime shows I like to watch watch and, oh no, it's criminal minds. And he was like very creepy, kidnapper. Like you hated him. I forgot about that. Yeah. He was awful in that. I mean, his acting was good, but his character was terrible. Certainly, I can believe he'd be a believable.

What was he? What was he? Yeah, like a serial killer. He'd kidnapped a kid. He was tough to look at now. Oh, so tough to look at. It didn't look like he showered at all. Curtis Armstrong. He was in a show called Supernatural. that I used to watch. Yeah, see, I don't watch a lot of television. I need to watch that.

You guys. You love it. You guys catch a lot of television programs. So, sure, I can believe that you have a different source for Tim Curry or Curtis Armstrong, who will now be linked forever because of a mistake my wife made yesterday. After losing two well-liked celebrities at 88 years old, there was a list going around BuzzFeed yesterday of celebrities that need to be protected. You know, it comes in threes and people want to protect these people.

Jane Fonda on that list. Yeah. Carol Burnett. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Jane Fonda is still alive? She's going to be 89 in December, the list said. Is that incorrect? I think she's dead.

Let me look. I'm almost certain that Jane Fonda is dead. Well, then this list sucks. Yeah, I mean, it happens. I make that mistake almost daily. I miss, I have pronounced people dead on this show many times over the years and been wrong. No, she's alive. Yeah.

Who the hell am I? Oh, maybe it was Ted Turner. Go ahead. So people want to protect Jane Fonda. She's 88. Carol Burnett, who's 93. Wow. I still have a television channel at home that shows the old Carol Burnett show, which I was a big fan of as a kid. She's hilarious. With Tim Conway and Harvey Corman. I just loved that stuff when I was a kid. Morgan Freeman at 89. Oh, definitely. Please protect him. He's 89. William Shatner, 95. He ain't going anywhere.

George Dachai, 89. Michael Caine, 93. Michael Cain, really. Brilliant guy, brilliant guy. I've always thought he was a great actor. Me too. Is Dick Van Dyke on that list at 100? Dick Van Dyke, he could be on the longer list. I don't see him here.

Oh, yes, yes, he is. I'm sorry. Sometimes people forget the obvious, but yeah, Dick Van Dyke is on here. Friggin' rock star. Mel Brooks is on here at 100. Well, see, I would have pronounced him dead along with Jane Fonda if I wasn't hearing it straight from your willing little yapper. I thought for sure that Mel Brooks had gone.

Oh, God. Well, been a long time since I came into work this drunk. How was the show last night? It sounded like it would have been fun. When did you sleep? I don't know if I did last night. Well.

Yeah. Great show last night. My first trip to Mystic Lake Amphitheater. How is it? We've said before it looks awesome. It's incredible. It's perfect.

It is so huge and so spread out. Cubby, I have never in my life been in a men's room so enormous. Oh, dude, really? Then if the med's room is nice, I bet the women's is just top tier. I was in there, too. It's beautiful. Yeah. Cubby, it is, and there's beer vendors.

Every turn, it's just, it's spread out so perfectly. Do they do any food? Yeah. In that era? Yeah, I always thought that was cool that. You can get yourself a wiener. Like the Armory does that. Wouldn't that suck if they didn't have nothing to eat over?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they got food. Well, oh, it, like, surprised me like crazy when I found out that I could be jamming out to some music at the armory, be drunk and then go up to the bar and order some cheese curds. I thought this is living. Do they not have, like, a little food court area? If they're, I'm sure they do. I thought I saw that on one of the news things. I'm so excited to check it out.

There's food everywhere. I couldn't. I mean, I kind of just. wandered around a little bit, sat in my seat, of course, with a show and then wandered out. Yeah, you didn't map the whole place out. No, it's beautiful. Oh, wait, did you say sat, you sat in your seat? Yeah.

Oh, okay. I didn't know that there was chairs. That's very appealing to me. You didn't know that there were chairs? No, uh-uh. Okay, the concert venues you'd go to. What the hell you're talking about? They don't have food or chairs at the places you go to?

Have you ever been to a concert? I don't think you've ever been to a concert. There's some places where there's not sitting. I'm the one who got no sleep and I am still drunk. There's some places where you're not, where there is no sitting at concerts. You know what else, Ashley? I walked up, I flipped the switch and a light came on. It was unbelievable.

They had electricity at the place too. Electricity plumbing. And would you believe this? They had a parking lot where you could leave your car for the time being while you're inside the venue. You guys have never been to a concert where there's nowhere to sit? Well, yes, but this is an answer. That's called like a bar. It's called First Avenue.

Yeah. It's just an amphitheater. Oh, I didn't know that that. The Spanish word for seeding is ampha. So I went to not. And in the theater is the Spanish word for food. Yes. They've got seeding and food.

Seating food. Amphitheater in Spanish is sit food. That's right. Theater is the Spanish word. I never knew it. Here's a guy who says they got $2 hot dogs and $22 beers over there at the amphitheater. Oh, I bet. You're going to spend a little money, but we all know that.

So anyway. I was parking. Slicker than snot Okay Yeah, I know these are old guy questions But these are the things I've heard people Ask questions about We went this way

How's this way? When we drove in this way Then we went that way And we were parked The Romantics Let Off last night's show Good old Basic rock and roll band

From the 80s Wapapapapap They did a great job Wally, the lead singer Still the dude from day one did a great job. What was it a crowd like? Was it pretty filled up?

Yeah, damn near. Damn near sold out, I would say. Followed by Christopher Cross. My first time seeing Christopher Cross. He's got some beautiful songs. He just puts together. Just beautiful. You know, the theme from Arthur and sailing takes me away.

And then the main event was Toto, who sounded great. I mean, what a talented effing band. Every swinging D up on the stick. They are so beyond. And Josh, being the guitar player that you are and the guitar officialado, Steve Lukather is at 70-some years old, it is absolutely a guitar god. He is a guitar guy.

He is unfrigan real in person. I forget if it was Guitar World or which Guitar Magazine it was, but growing up I would read his articles. And I was surprised he was in Toto. I mean, I just, I knew he was an incredible guitar player. But he's, he's like the only guy that's been there the whole time, right? From what I understand, yes. Some guys in Toto have upped and died and some guys have moved on to retirement.

And that's one of those bands you wouldn't think. Well, is the guitar really that good? But if you watch, like, YouTubers show, hey, this is how you play this song. It's complicated stuff at times. And, you know, they have some long, you know, jam-type songs. Three or four of the songs in last night's set list were strictly built in so Steve Lukather could show the crowd,

hey, look, I will still knock your D in the effing dirt if you give me the chance. So it was a lot of fun. That dude is, and it was funny, you'll get a kick out of this. So as Steve Lukather is introducing the band, he's like on the keyboards over here, this guy's played with Roger Waters. and Roger Daltry and Roger Clemens

and Mr. Rogers and what's the guy's name, Slow Hand, Eric Clapton and Zizi Top. This is Ernie McEarningston. And the drummer played with Steely Dan and John Cougar and Johnny Cash and the guitar of the bass players played with and he said a lot of his stories,

Steve Lukethers, like, you know, I was talking to Joe. Satriani the other day. And then later on, he introduces the bass player. This guy played with Steve Vi for 20 years. And at one point, another, Steve Lukather says into the microphone, do I owe you people for all these name drops? Because I know this is getting out of control. So, I mean, everyone in his band has played with everybody. Like we said yesterday, Toto knows everybody. They've been in the business for so long and done so many collaborations. They know everybody. Matter of fact, I think, Josh, he said his, maybe it was his bass player was referred to him by Bucket.

Oh, no, a bumblefoot. Oh, yeah? The guitar player, right? Yeah, bumblefoot. Yeah. So it was a great show. We'll be heading back to the Mystic Lake Amphitheater for our Half Fast Morning Show Summer Bash with Creed and Candlebox. And God help us.

I forgot the other act. P-O-D and Tim Montana. And then... That's already next week. Christ. And then where am I going with this? Iron Maiden and Megadeth. I know Josh and I'll be attending that on September 19th.

I would have loved to see Toto left. Steve Lukather, especially, see him live. We had something else going on last night. But I'm glad you had such a good time. I was hoping it would work out. I didn't get home until late. And like I said, it's been a lot of years since I've come to work this drunk. Did they do anything for Dolly Parton?

Did they play anything? No, no. Did they mention her at all? They did not. I was hoping for something like that. So we'll have another crack at the amphitheater here soon enough, the Creed Show and the Iron Maiden Show. Did they do anything from Rocky Horror Picture Show last night?

Anything like that? Yeah, the whole movie sounds like that. They went through the whole thing? Yeah, it took a while. That's why you got home so late. And you know, song too, Josh, the second song by Toto, All I want to do in the middle of the evening is see your eyes. Love it.

Rosanna, Rosanna. I didn't know that a girl like you could ever Something, something. Good tune. We're wang dang boom. I had a good time. We went to my son's freshman orientation last night. Oh, how was that?

I thought that was a treat. Dude, I'm so jealous of this kid. Like, I miss middle school and high school. It was such a blast. And I was telling them last night, screw this up for me. Those were some of the best years of my life. You got to let me relive this. Yeah, you got to live, you got to do stuff, get involved in things, make good friends, that kind of thing. Like, don't mess this up. This is all I got. After you, this is it. Yeah. But I text Nick yesterday

because there was a phenomenon going on with older people, mustaches. And I don't know if the dads were having mustache so they could fit in with the kids or what was going. You think so? Yeah. There's a couple of guys I've known for a while from youth sports. right, their kids, same age, obviously, and knew these guys, some of them coaches, just dads watching their kids play. That sucks, Cubby. I'm sorry you had to endure that.

I thought, like, next time I got to shave, because there's one more thing I think we're doing, I got to shave into a mustache, so now I can fit in with the guys my age or maybe a decade younger. No, you were born to stand out. Yeah, I was disheartened when I heard when you texted me about that last night.

So, yeah, I mean, it was one of my biggest pet, ever since that Godforsaken top gun reboot came out. Every dude from 14 to 23 has some dirt lip mustache. And now Josh says that their dads are doing it too. It was crazy. Stop that. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

How long has that movie been out now? Five years? I hadn't seen that just walking around in regular life. I mean, I don't get out much. But I was a little surprised last night by the mustache. And I text Nick because I know that frustrates him. Freshman orientations. It's a big deal, huh?

better not screw that up for me. That's so exciting. I'm pumped for him. I just loved. I loved that time of my life. Are you pumped? Yeah, absolutely. We were just talking about this, like when my mom would try to taunt us with, hey, back to school, back to school stuff.

I'd be like, when do we get a go? When do I get to go back to school, clothes shopping, and, you know, run through Target and pick all my favorite colored pencils I want? I loved that kind of stuff. Yeah, it was fun. I walked through that area in Target yesterday just to get a hit of it. nostalgia. I love that. One of the speakers yesterday,

they had various disciplines at the school, right? Various types of teachers, counselors, principal, all that kind of stuff to speak. Get familiar with that counselor. Oh, I know. There's a few of them. They got a handful of them.

Luckily, they know what's going on. But one of them I think I went to high school with. Get the F out of here. Were you guys cool? Yeah, absolutely. It would be kind of fun if you guys were like enemies, and so then his goal was to make your son's life difficult at school. You know, I was lucky.

Our school. That would be more my story than Josh's story, I think. It's true. There's a teacher shoving him in a locker or something like that. He didn't make any enemies when he was in school. You think you went to school with him. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure.

I mean, I haven't seen, he hasn't come to any of the reunions. I haven't seen him since high school. Does he look like garbage? No, not at all. That's actually kind of why I was wondering if it wasn't him. He looks pretty, he looks a little younger. So, but this kid was an entrepreneur back before I even knew what that word means. I'll be honest, I barely know now.

But he would stand by the snack machines, and he would loan people money at incredible interest rates in high school. To get themselves a ho-ho. Yes, when you had to have that bag of Doritos, he'd be the guy. He always had cash. Yeah. And so I went to him a couple times. I'm still paying him off.

But he had, I mean, it was like double interest. And he was a big dude. He still is a muscular guy. Genius, dude. He didn't want to mess with him. Just genius. So let me get this straight. He would buy the snacks out of the snack machine.

You'd just go up and say, hey, I want to buy this. And then he'd say, all right, here's a couple of bucks. You'd buy it. And then when you paid him back, you had to pay him basically double. Why didn't people just walk beyond him and just buy their own snack? Well, if you didn't have the money. If you didn't. Oh, I'm from Wysetta.

I don't understand that. Sometimes people don't have money. I showed my past. I showed my Wysetta. It's like a loan shark. Didn't have any money. I don't understand the concept. Well, that's cool.

There you go. We ought to move on. Later on, Dr. Andrea Johnston will be here from German Animal Hospital. We can talk about your dogs and cats. Sweet. We have a spirited edition of the Stupid News Report coming up in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show. And an announcement. What?

And an announcement coming up later this morning. Oh, nobody cares about that. All right, then. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy.

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Your home for Drake Toll. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Go. Earlier this morning, we were talking about Tim Curry, a guy who made his living as an actor. He passed away yesterday, day before, 80 years old. Tim Curry, very well-liked, talented actor.

I had limited knowledge on the man's career. Outside of where I believe he originally made his mark in the Rocky Horror Picture Show from Balls Mahoney. When was that, Josh? Late 60s? 70. Oh, is it mid-70s?

So, condolences to the family and friends of Tim Curry. Speaking of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, we started to talk about how for years and years and years it was shown every Friday night. We believe it was at the Uptown Theater. I mean, I know my sister frequented that gimmick. In the mid to late 80s into the 90s, Dana said when he was living in Uptown in the 2000s,

he was aware that the Rocky Horror Picture Show was still showing over and over and over again. And maybe it's still happening. We're not entirely sure. But here's a listener. Atheist Jesus. He met his wife at the Uptown Theater. I'm not exactly sure what this means,

but he says, I was in the shadow cast at the Uptown from 86 to 94, and he performed in full costume during the entire movie. That's cool. Met his wife there, Josh. That's cool. Yeah, definitely cool. Been going on for decades. I had a bias against the Rocky Horror Picture Show,

just because when I was a kid, I'd look in the TV guide, or I'd see the scroll on the TV. I'd see Rocky, and I'd get excited. thinking it's going to be the movie about the boxer, and then I would read a little bit further, and it said to a horror picture show. I'm like, ah, not the boxing movies. I had the same thing happen. Yeah.

Same exact thing. That'll take the wind out of your sales. Nothing against the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I heard it's wonderful, and people obviously love it. People met their spouses at showings, but as a kid, as an eight-year-old, I just wanted to see Rocky Balbo beat up some people. Why don't we go ahead and begin T-Day? That's not how you say it.

T-Day. It's not T-Day. why don't we go ahead and begin today's report with a good Samaritan type of character. More often than not, we're buried in low-life butlords here in the stupid news segment. I think it'll feel good to go the other way, if only for a moment. In Houston, Texas, an Uber driver gave the local cops an assist in chasing down a puk bag. That'd be a dream come true. Yeah, that gets you, that gives you a little Boneski.

Yeah, just a little one. Thinking about playing the role of Supercop or even just helping out. A helping citizen. This was an Uber driver, a young fellow called Anthony. And he said it was one of the craziest things that's ever happened to a player. Anthony said he was at a stop sign. at the corner of Smackdown Boulevard and Gibroni Drive there in Houston. He was on his way to pick up his next client, customer, whatever they call it in the business.

Next thing he knows, a Houston cop came a jumping into his passenger seat, hollering. Go, go, go, go, go, go over there, please. Go, go, go. Pick her up here. Le Leon, get in. Which way did he go? Over there. Go that way. The lady cop.

was on foot, don't you know, chasing down the suspect. And she must have gotten tired of running her ass off. She took advantage of seeing a driver sitting there at the stop sign. I'm not sure if she knew he was an Uber driver. I'm guessing she just knew riding in a car beats the piss out of running. So the lady cop jumps into the passenger seat. And that's when Anthony saw what the cop had already spotted, a dude running down the street with no shirt on.

In the movies, they always, when they commandeer a vehicle, they just kind of kick you out and they drive it. If I was a cop, that's what I'd want to do. I don't want to be driven around by somebody else. Wouldn't you guys want to take control? And obviously, I'd pick the coolest car that was in traffic. You would want to drive. Yeah, I'd want to drive. Yeah, why not?

That'd be a real thrill. I think I'd be embarrassed as a cop if I'm having somebody else drive me around. Josh, I could picture you sitting there at the intersection like, no, that one's not good. Let's see some more cars come through here. Oh, that one looks good. I'll take that one. Oh, that's got a wheel drive? Yeah.

That's what we want. You stop the person and ask about the features they have in the car. I'm going to start just parking in bad neighborhoods, just in case the cops need me, in case they need somebody to drive them around. I would also want to drive. I want to see if I could cut the mustard. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. See if you got it in you?

It's likely that I would quickly lose control of my vehicle and T-boning. an innocent citizen and I don't know if I'd be on the hook for that or the cops would be on the hook for that but I'd want to see if I could get I want to see if I could get it done. That's a great question. Yeah, I'd probably crash relatively fast. But does your insurance say F you? You shouldn't be doing that. I wonder how that would work out. So Anthony, the Uber driver, he's got a cop in the passenger seat. They spotted this derelict running down the street with no shirt on before Anthony noted a second cop. dove into the backseat of his vehicle. Wouldn't at first you think...

They got some lazy-ass cops in Houston, Texas, I'll tell you that. They need more vehicles there. They got... Taxpayers got to get him a vehicle or two. Wouldn't you think you were being carjacked at first? Oh, yeah. I would assume it was a scam. Someone suddenly...

Somebody's dressed as a cop. It would frighten me. Yeah, it would have frightened me, and I would at least for a second think that I was about ready to be jacked. So all three, Anthony and the two cops, took to chasing down the douchebag. All of this was caught on his dash cam. gimmick.

And Anthony said afterwards, I was just running on adrenaline. I was surprised. I was shocked. I had cops ordering me to do things. Now, the cutie pie that they were all chasing down had apparently threatened to shoot a mom and her two kids. Tough guy. Despite Anthony's efforts playing the role of driver man, they weren't able to find the puke bag. Anthony ended up saying afterwards, he was glad he was able to.

to help, and he did good. If I ever turned to a life of crime, I think being the getaway car driver would be kind of cool. That'd be the cool job on the crew, I think. Yeah, people have respect for you. Well, you referenced the movies earlier, how things play out in the movies. Usually in the movies, the driver gets the gas pretty quickly. Yeah, or the tech guy. Whoever's chewing gum, they're probably going to be killed pretty early.

Like recently I watched Heat or. Oh, so good. Not the heat. That was a comedy. Heat with De Niro and Petino. They're very likable driver guy. He gets shot somewhere around 37 times when they're in the middle of that bankrupt. You're right.

The getaway driver does. Getaway driver usually gets it. It would be worth it. This is very nice. This person says, you don't have to be a cop to commandeer my, or excuse me. He said, I could basically say I could commandeer his UPS truck. He'd just give it to me if I ask. He don't want it.

I don't have to be a cop. I can just ask for it. He doesn't want it anymore. So, Josh, as we all know, you are the ride-along king of Hennepin County, or the Twin Cities. Scott County. Public and parochial. You're the ride-along mayor.

You've done ride-alongs with every damn buddy. So when you've rode along with police, did you ever get an opportunity to chase down a drunk and give them a terrible beating or anything like that? Well, there's no beating involved. Yeah, never a high-speed chase. Actually, I think I told you I got yelled at by a, a buddy of mine who, you know, when I was single, he just called, he used to State Patrol,

call and say, what are you doing? Do you want to go for a, I believe it. I mean, of course, I'd be missing out on all these parties. I was invited doing stuff like that, threesome, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But one time, obviously. Obviously. So I was supposed to meet him at a gas station. And so I showed up early.

I, you know, I try and get places early. You're always early. But he was pissed at me because he missed out on a high-speed chase because he went to meet me at the gas station. Like it was my fault, and I told them, you know, you can be a cop first and my buddy later. If you had something to do, I would have just sat there and got some snacks or something. Here's a fun question from a listener, Josh. Would you do a ride along with a motorcycle cop? Can I?

Side car? Can I share something with you? I have. No, you did not. Well, I should say I went to one of their trainings. At DCTC, they had some motorcycle cop trainings and I went out there. You were attempting to be a motorcycle cop? No, no, no.

You just wanted to watch motorcycle cops train? Something like that. What really deep down is going on with you? I like to learn about stuff. Oh, my God. Have you ever ridden a police horse? Romantically? Yeah, that's got to go on your list.

More and more, when we talk about what you do with your free time, we're learning some really bizarre things about you. Concerning. Concerning. I have a big cop family. That stuff's always interested me. Again, again, refresh the memories of our listing audience. What would you say, because you are the ride-along king,

what would you say was the most unique ride-along situation you've dialed yourself into? Oh, easy. A buddy of mine, we're not really buddies anymore. Oh, yeah? He did a little jail time. but he was a police officer and I mean he would basically see how fast he could get that vehicle going on some back roads right which was kind of fun but one time there was a dude who he was he had a knife right and so they were going to chase him my buddy just handed me a flash laser like all right

you go this way I'll go that way so I'm like all right so I get out and I ran about 10 feet and I thought I'm not a cop what am I doing what am I going to do if I catch this guy he's got a knife I've got a flashlight. That's all it was. So I was a brief part of a foot chase. When I just went back in the car, he's like, where'd you go? I'm like, well, I realized what am I doing? This is silly.

Stop, or I'll shine this in your eyes. But that's a police ride-along. I'm talking about having you done a ride-along with the ice cream man or the library mobile? What's the ride-along where you're, you hesitate before you bring it up in front of? of people. Oh, uh... The one maybe is a little embarrassing.

Well, I'm only embarrassed because you guys make fun of it, but I, you know, I've had some fun experiences. I like learning kind of about what other people's lives are like. I've gone to... I've done a ride along with an electrical contractor. Learned about Romex and arc faults and... We need to get you. We need to find you something to do. Yeah, some type of hobby. Well, I don't do anything anymore. I don't know. Want to learn how to knit? The guy loves to learn.

Do you want to bake? Loves to L-T-L is your new nickname. Loves to learn. Medical device Jesus says, You have a big what family? I said cop family. I wish it were Irish, so it's not the opposite. I wish it was what you thought I said.

F me running. Honestly, Josh, maybe you need to go back to school for something. Well, he talks about it all the time. I mean, it's too expensive. I just looked into it last year. One day he wants to be a bus driver. The next day he wants to go back to school. The next day he wants to be a cop.

I also want to be the guy that monitors all the cameras at the Mall of America. There's a lot of stuff. It's like garbage man's number one. Online schooling isn't that bad. And you could always get, you know, like a loans like everybody does. I love to learn. Yeah, that's what I meant. Like you would sit in the front of the class.

You not only have a lust to learn. Okay. This year next story. Reminds me that today's program is brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive, 3rd Avenue and Main Street. It's not how much. It's how much you got. And get ready. This is a marathon, this one.

A lady somewhere's near Boston. She says she turned her friggin' vehicle over to her neighborhood auto shop for a repair or two. But instead of fixing the damn thing, the boys and girls in the garage, took her whip out for a joyride. And they raised so much hell they damaged the damn thing. You're not going to believe some of this. I'm sure you're thinking Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

That's the most famous one I can think of. Ferris Bueller, his buddy, Cameron, or whatever his name was. I hated that guy in the movie. I wanted to choke him the entire time. He was such a whiner. He was such a bitch. But yeah, Cameron's fancy old Corvette, they turn it into the garage or whatever,

the parking ramp and the car. two guys take it for a joyride, absolutely. Fun scene. In this case, the vehicle was a Hyundai Tucson, which I can only guess has little in common with a Corvette, but the lady says someone from the garage put, quote, hundreds of miles on her car when she wasn't looking. She turns it in to get a repair or two, and instead, the folks in the garage partied with it. And she's got definitive, full-on, four-alarm proof. Now, a lot of what happened was recorded on her dash cam set up. This gal goes by the name of Shana.

And not only does she have that dash cam video, and this is the part that's absolutely ridiculous, Shana says that a few days after she turned in her vehicle at the shop, she saw with her own eyes her Hyundai Tucson at a red light with some woman behind the wheel she had never seen before in her life

and Shane is thinking are you effing me you know who is that bitch and there was a confrontation Shana walked up to her car with a stranger behind the wheel and she said why are you driving my motor vehicle

The lady behind the wheel Didn't answer The light turned green The lady drove smooth off In her car I'm crashing out completely This just goes on and on A mechanic at the shop

Told Shana Well yeah that was That was my stepdaughter As if that's a reasonable answer To the situation Hmm Now Shana says the worst part Of the entire disaster

Is they didn't fix her vehicle at all. Just put some miles on it, lots of miles on it, and a dent or two. There was some damage to the transmission and this and that. She did find someone else to fix her car, so she got that straightened out. The garage has completely ignored Shana. They won't answer her telephone calls. They won't give an explanation for this. She contacted, you know, we have these in town at our local television stations. She contacted the local television News Investigation Team. The I team.

Is that someone you've wanted to go on a ride along with? The local television news investigation team. I haven't thought about it. So, Shana, Shana contacted. Nerd. Sorry, I lashed out. It's all right.

Shana contacted those people. The investigation team. They called the garage for some explanation. They're being ignored as well. They're not saying dick. So I'm guessing she's going to sue these donkeys upside down. My wife, she was hit at an intersection. I was going to say T-boned, but I want everyone to be mature.

And I got a text here at work. Somebody said, hey, your wife came into the shop today, and they just sent me a picture of her butt. I recognized it as my wife's butt. And this is before, this could have happened at Hogbauer's. Hogbauer. Yeah, it seems like it's the exact type of situation you might expect there. Picture of her ass.

That's crazy. I mean, can you even begin to guess how you'd react if you're walking down the street and you see someone at a stop sign who's 1,000% in your motor vehicle? Just sitting there at the stop? I would lose my mind. I would hope. I'd think, oh, they're just kind of taking it out to make sure everything's working right. That's bizarre. It's pretty frustrating.

That's bizarre. It's all hell. Now, here's a video or two you might want to get a look at. Everyone's spreading these videos around the godless internet. They're having nothing but laughs at a gas station in New York. They've put together a hell of a deal. Where damn near everyone goes home a winter. The filling station is called the half moon something or another.

It's outside of Albany, New York, if that matters at all to you. So with gas prices, climbing higher and higher, the half moon folks are trying to help. They customers, best they can. They've offered consumers the opportunity to dance for a discount. I love that. And the rules go like this. After filling up, they vehicle. Customers can come into the station and they can dance for 15 seconds or more and land a discount of 20% off their entire bill.

That's a hell of a deal. That's huge. 20%. Especially now. You come on in to pay for your gas and if you dance for 15 seconds or more, you get 20% off. And only 15 seconds? Easy.

Easy. Apparently the videos of over the hill pot-bellied gas station customers dancing like they're in a Beyonce music video. Apparently, these are a lot of fun to watch and they're everywhere. Oh, yeah. The older people are, some of them are better than you'd expect maybe some of these young, hip-looking folks to be great dancers, but some of the older people are much better. The dancing disson.

discount idea was the brainchild of the station's social media manager, a 23-year-old gal. A gas station has a social media manager? Dang, times have changed. What's going on there? Word is, they're regular customers there at the Half Moon. They love this gimmick. Do we even have a social media manager? I know people post, but I think it's just various folks in the building.

Yeah, I don't know. I think maybe Christina. Maybe I'd give her that title. people love this bit. And what's not to love about a man in his 60s who looks like Bill Goldberg twerking for gas money?

That's what I saw. Oh yeah, he was good. I thought he was one of the better ones. One dude did his Michael Jackson moves for the discount. So Josh, you're the worst dancer I've ever seen in my life. Oh my God, thank you.

But you dance for the discount, of course. I don't know. I'd be pretty embarrassed. I can't picture you're doing that, Josh. I like dancing for you guys. I was tempted yesterday. 15 seconds, Cubby. You have 20% off, Josh.

I understand what you're saying. You mentioned what yesterday? I was saying, I told you guys that yesterday I went to my son's orientation and they had, the band was performing on the way out, right? And I was tempted. Like a marching band? Not a march. They weren't marching.

It was just like the school band. Playing the school song or something? Yeah, I couldn't tell you. They were playing something. We're talking about trumpets and. Yeah, the drum core. I just wanted to make, I thought maybe it was a rock band.

No, the school band. The school band was... You'd picture when you think school band. They're playing a song. And I was tempted. And I was trying to get some of my son and his buddies. I'm like, get out there and show them what you got. Do some dancing and stuff like that.

Nobody did. And I thought, well, maybe I'll lead this thing off, but then I realized that'd be absolutely ridiculous. Dad, you're embarrassing me. You think you'd be too embarrassed to get the 20%? Now, I know you don't want to embarrass yourself, but also you know where every dime I do track that stuff. You know where every penny of yours is located. You're not going to dive on that 20% discount?

Well, then I can't pay at the pump. Yeah, I probably, I don't know. I'd be embarrassed. Then I guess my question will go nowhere. I was going to ask, could we record a video right now where you show us the dance that you would use at the gas station and then we put it on social media? We don't have a social media manager.

Shoot. I was going to say yes. I was so excited. And then I remembered we don't have a social media manager. Ashley, would you? You were so... Hell yes, she would. I would.

No, I mean, would you do that for the Internet? Oh, what? Yeah, I mean, I'm sure they don't want to see it. It's only 15 seconds. Just going to be me of, like, pawing the corners and doing, like, the sprinkler. Can we give me time to learn the cat daddy? I don't know the cat daddy. Oh, you'll remember the cat day.

Who was that model that did the cat daddy? Was it the one that's dating? Kathy Ireland. A model? Yeah. You were in love with the video. Kate Upton. Oh.

She's in a bikini. I didn't know the name of the dance. Yeah, it'd be fun if you would dance for us, Josh. I mean, but that's okay. I get it. I'll consider it. I'll talk to my people. Whatever.

Dance for me. All right. If we're talking about big topics that have grabbed a lot of of attention this summer here locally. We'd have to say the smoke, the Canadian wildfires pouring into town, the heat. July was a miserably hot month. The half-ass morning show Summer Bash starring Creed. Tickets are still available.

Those are some of the big topics that have grabbed a lot of headlines here locally this summer. There's kind of a combo between that one and the smoke. You know, you can combine those. Oh, right. Yeah, true. The original. We missed it.

Half-ass morning show Summer Bash was supposed to take place, but the Canadian wildfire smoke shut it down. Another hot topic here locally was the sudden common appearance of black bears wandering up and down the metro area. That's been a thing. Now, I haven't heard anything in a couple, three weeks, but maybe in July, I think maybe it's when we heard a lot about bears in town. We all know that most.

Bears, especially black bears, they don't normally look to scrap with us. But a lady in Alaska has gone ahead and showed us that if you ever find yourself in hand-to-hand combat with a big fat-ass bear, jujitsu might be the answer to getting out of that situation alive. Caitlin is the gal's name. She also says that her dog played a role in kicking that bear's ass, but I'll get to that. and by God she took on a keeper. To use boxing terminology, this wasn't like taking on that YouTube jagged off Jake Paul.

This was like going toe to toe with George Foreman or Avander Holyfield. She got into it with an 800-pound Codiac bear. Bear came running her way while she was walking her dog near a stream. She's just walking her dog. she tried the usual bear safety tactics. She made a hell of a lot of noise. She stood her ground. But the big old sow,

Codiac bear, kept the charging. Caitlin gives credit to her dog, a Yorkie. Porky the Yorkie is his name. Porky distracted the bear just long enough to give Caitlin time. to get in proper position to unload all of that jujitsu on the bear. The bear grabbed Caitlin's right leg,

but Caitlin did a jujitsu backflip or something, and this and that, and then she crane kicked the bear in its big old yapper. Sick. Is that effed up or what? I never would imagine that would work. The bear made like Johnny Lawrence, went straight down, And when the bear picked himself up off the deck, the bear said,

You're all right, Lou Rousseau. And then Caitlin ran into the arms of Elizabeth's shoe while Pat Marita nodded in approval in the background. Boy, did I have a crush on Pat Marr- Elizabeth's shoe. She escaped with bruises and minor scratches. We were talking about the show Cobra Kai the other day, the karate kid spin-off, about how ridiculous it got to the end. I'm kind of surprised they didn't have the kids fight bears at some point, because they were kind of on that storyline, you know.

Yeah, they were. If they would have gone one more season, those kids would have been fighting bears in the All Valley karate tournament. I bet you're right. Gal beat a kodiak bear with her jujitsu moves. Hmm. I mean, does she just take over as the sensei at that point? I don't think there's any.

She runs the business. There's no frigging question. There's no question at all. Sports. on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Twins lost last night to the Anaheim. No, I'm not Anaheim. Sacramento Athletics.

Twins lost last night. I missed a game. I was out there at the concert. Mystic Lake Amphitheater, wonderful place. Can't wait to go. We'll be there next week. Is it next week already, you said? Twins lost last night.

The wolves landed that Jonathan Kaminga some bitch. That's great. It sure seemed like they weren't going to, right? It was all Laker talk. Five minutes before I saw the article where the wolves have hired Jonathan Cominga, talented, kid, I think this is going to go a long way in helping the wolves become a factor this year. Five minutes before I saw that the wolves had landed him, I read a full-on two-page article about the Lakers being the front runner for the peckerhead.

But no, he's going to come here and play ball. That's a hell of a starting five that the wolves have. We can get dorky about that a little bit later. And one more. You hear what happened to the lunatic? No. Yeah. Tom Brady?

Well, I know number one, he wears leather pants now. That's what I saw too. Oh, Lord. And then... He wears leather pants? Yeah, he's a leather pants. He's a... What the F is wrong with him?

He's a leather... And then his card shop. Ain't this a pisser? The goofy bastard just opened up some type of a nerdy card shop somewhere's. Only about a week went by, and... and Darylix already kicked the door in and stole everything. Oh, man. Crazy how common that is.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Talking in the news a couple weeks back about it happening here a few times. One poor guy, his place has been broken into two or three times already. They almost see 24-7 security of these joints now. You would think that he has, like, the best security or that he would, like, pay for it, right? It's that Pokemon crowd, isn't it, Cubby? I don't know who is. Typically is the Pokemon crowd.

The lunatic opens up a card shop and the Darylix in town are, already kicked the door down, stole everything. He had it coming and you know it. They need that lady, the Jiu-Jitsu bear lady. Jiu-Jitsu bear. I'm going to kill the bear. Josh's news is coming up next. Hey, it's Dana.

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And it spells relief for you. The U.S. Soccer Podcast. These players are battered and exhausted, but you don't hurt like this if you don't care about this team, about this country, about this game. You can feel the intensity. The goals, the energy that, wow, look at us. Here in the U.S., I have got some news for you. There's so much more to. come. My name is Megan Klingberg and we're just getting started. The US Soccer Podcast

presented by Henkel. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. They're gross, they're offensive and kids on the road see them. Half-assed morning show. We all think about it as we age. Do you think about the end of your life? Are you afraid of it? Are you? No, I'm not. I didn't fear death. I try to avoid it. as I think we all do, but I suspect that in the end I will welcome it. What does that mean? Well, I think it may be very comforting to go by-bye, and I want to earn it. God keeps taking our beloved 80-year-olds.

Tim Curry, the acclaimed character actor who created a gallery of memorable and often hilarious villains for stage and screen, has sadly died at the age of 80, the same age Dolly Parton was when she passed on the same day. Curry burst onto the scene as the Transylvanian Frankenfurter in the sci-fi rock musical, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which premiered at the Royal Court Theater in London. He took that role to Broadway before starring in the 1975 cult classic movie. From there, Curry built one of the most memorable villainous resumes in Hollywood. The villains or the more kind of off-center people are much more interesting to play. But after a while, you know, taking home a psychopath at the end of the day,

It's not a lot of fun. He played the child-killing monster in the 1990 miniseries adaptation of Stephen King's horror novel It. He was a double-dealing cardinal in 1993's The Three Musketeers alongside Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, and Chris O'Donnell. Oh, God. And he played the Lord of Darkness, the main antagonist in Ridley Scott's 1985 dark fantasy film legend, which also starred Brainerd area cabin owner, Tom Cruise. Then there were the roles that introduced Curry to... An entirely different generation of fans.

He played the smug concierge at New York's Swanky Plaza Hotel and Home Alone, too, lost in New York, where he tried to stop McCulley Culkin's Kevin McAllister from taking advantage of the place. And how are we this morning? Fine. Is my transportation here? Out in front, sir, a limousine and a pizza, compliments of the Plaza Hotel. Have a lovely day. He was also... Did you hear the way he said pizza?

Yep, I love that and the... Have a lovely day. That's how you do it. He also played the unhinged butler with a secret past in the movie adaptation of the beloved board game Clue. I suggest we take the cook's body into the study. Why? I'm the butler. I'd like to keep the kitchen tidy.

Curry played a wealthy philanthropist in 1995, in 1995's Congo and Rooster Hanigan in the 1982 movie musical Annie, acting alongside comedy legends, Kail Burnett and Bernadette Peters. Bernadette Peters, that's all you had to say, son. Hub. Oh, my damn. The younger generations of fans know him as the fictional pirate Long John Silver in 1996's Muppet Treasure Island. The Muppets. In later years, he lent his distinctive baritone to numerous voice acting roles in children's TV series, including Star Wars, the Clone Wars, the Wild Thornberries, and the adventures of Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius.

One of the things that I love about animation is that quite often, well, very often, I get to play characters that I wouldn't necessarily be offered in a movie. It's my favorite thing that I get to do. A lot less time. No makeup. You can look bad. It's just you in a microphone. It's like being a kid.

I love his laugh. Me too. Health issues slowed Curry down in recent years. He suffered a massive stroke in 2012, which required brain surgery. My luck turned on Friday the 13th of July in 2012 when I had a stroke. I was having a massage at the time, and I didn't even actually notice anything. but the guy who was doing the massage said, I'm worried about you.

I want to call an ambulance. He credited that masseuse with saving his life. He said he would have went on with his day, not done a thing about it. Wow. Tim Curry fans have at least one more movie to look forward to because he finished filming his final role before he died. Tim's IMDB lists Stream 2, Sudden Death,

as an upcoming project. TMZ caught up with the film's director who said Curry finished all of his scenes has a character named Lockwood. Curry appeared as a plague doctor, masked man, in a wheelchair in the original stream, released in 2024, alongside fellow legend Tony Todd,

who tragically passed away that same year. Yeah, I mentioned earlier, Josh, that I was never terribly familiar with Tim Curry's work. I certainly could recognize his face anytime I saw him. But I can tell you this much. He was the only swinging D that earned a paycheck in that Three Musketeers movie, you mentioned a minute ago.

Holy balls. Charlie Sheen and Chris O'Donnell and Kiefer Sutherland? What a nightmare. He was the only guy that earned his paycheck. I like that movie. Curry's cause of death has not yet been publicly revealed, but fans speculate Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candles.

80 years old. The Minnesota State Fair is officially here, which means it's time for 12 days of deep-fried gut bombs, slow walkers, and in Ashley's case, bathroom sex. The great Minnesota get-together runs through September 7th. If you're headed out, there are a few things you'll want to know before you go.

First, tickets, regular admission this year, $20 for adults, $13 to 64, $18 for seniors, 65 and older, and children 5 to 12. Children 4 and under get in for free. What do you think, Ashley? Are you too grown up now for bathroom sex at the state fair? Yes. I was too grown for it when it happened.

Really? Yeah. You wouldn't, huh? No, absolutely not. Why not? Some of those bathrooms are pretty nice now. Yeah, I mean, they try to be. Even I would.

Really? What do I got to lose? I guess maybe if it was like in a different position, yeah. Oh, that's all it is? Yeah, because like that, the position was just gross. Wheelbarrow? They're all gross. Your hands were filthy?

Was it the wheelbarrel? No, my hands weren't dirty. Sex is gross. It's weird. I don't know how people do it. You'll find our booth between Andy's, grill and the Mighty Midway. Pablo, Shannon, and JP all broadcasting live from the fairgrounds every day.

And we have new 93X gear, including a selection from our shadiest half-ass morning show sponsor, Hogbauer Automotive, the morning show. That's us. We'll be out at the 93x booth this Saturday, 1 to 3. Again, next Friday, September 4th, just as soon as we can get there after the show. While you're there, you can enter to win a boss V plow. This is an awesome giveaway. You guys look at this at 93X.com.

This is so Minnesotan. It's got the cold front technology from Christ Steel truck equipment. A plow. F me running. Following a day of wholesome pranopops and Holstein placenta, there's more to do at night. Night one at the grandstand features Bonnie Raid. Oh, you know what she'll do, don't you, Josh? What's that?

She'll give you peckerhead something to talk about. She will. Catchy tune. Today's also Weird Al Eve. Weird Al Yankovic makes his return to the Minnesota's. State Fair tomorrow night. But it was on this day eight years ago, August 27th, 2018. Yankevick got his well-deserved star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Totally agree. A delivery driver in Tennessee was an unwitting inductee into the Penn

15 Stitches Club. The driver arrived late at a middle school and was confronted by an employee who stabbed the victim between the eyes and in the neck with a pen. That's sad. That's sad. Because why are you up at this school around these kids doing that? On Thursday morning, 36-year-old... I don't know. I don't know why he's over. It's tough that sometimes you just can't answer that. On Thursday morning, 36-year-old Braxton Stewart was working at American Way Middle School in Memphis when he tried to make a ballpoint with the old adage, the pen is mightier than the sword. Apparently, the delivery driver showed up a little late, which obviously justifies attempted murder with a writing instrument. And that guy's

eyes. An argument ensued, followed closely by a chest shove. And because Stewart wasn't good enough or smart enough to back down, the two men started fighting and things got bloody and inky. When police showed up to break up the office supply scuttlebutt, they found the victim sporting four puncture wounds on his back, one right between the eyes, and another neatly parked in the left side of his neck. Police detained Stewart and took him into custody. His next Court date is scheduled for tomorrow. This was a guy that worked at the school. Yeah, a school employee that did all the stabbing.

With a pen. Right between the eyes. That's the one that, ouch. Yeah, that would get you. I was texting back and forth with one of our wonderful 93x listeners yesterday, and we were talking about penisland.com. You guys familiar with that one? No.

Penn Island. You can buy pens. on this, but it's penisland.com. So if you ever interested in penis online and you go there, you're probably disappointed. Oh. It's a website where you can buy a pen? It's like all about pens. And they went with penis. Penn Island, but everybody of course calls it penis land. There you go. A drunk driver finally quit drinking and driving when he found the Lord by accidentally crashing into a church. a quite literal collision of biblical proportions that made quite the Methodist. Body camera footage captured the moment a driver accused of crashing into a church while intoxicated

was arrested in Martin County, Florida. The holy mishap happened Monday after deputies spotted the 28-year-old driver swerving onto the grass while traveling through a residential neighborhood. When they tried to pull him over, he refused to stop. Deputies eventually performed a pit maneuver on his SUV, but apparently the Almighty wasn't done with him yet. He kept going and even sped up. Then things took a turn for the worse and the Lord.

The SUV crashed into a tree, a power pole, and finally an automotive baptism straight out of the book of Rexodus as he plowed into the side of a church. He crashed, damaged the church's air conditioning unit, and left thousands of dollars in additional damage behind. Nice. They'll remember him in town. Yeah.

He owes a lot of money. So far they think it's up to 12 grand. Whoa, bud. On this day in drunk history, 37 years ago in 1989, Izzy Stradlin from Guns and Roses was arrested for peeing on the floor of an airplane after a heated argument with a flight attendant. What the hell ever happened to Izzy F me running sideways stradlin? I don't know. I mean, did he?

He had a band after he left G&R, something like the honey dogs or the honey combs, Oh, shoot, we even had him in studio. Nut butters or something. Something, something. We had them in studio? Yeah. I have no memory of that at all. Izzy's something.

What was that band? I thought it had something to do with honey dogs or... I can't remember. Pronto Pups or something. 651, 9893-93. If you have any memory of that short-lived band from Izzy... Juju Hounds? Hounds, that's what it was.

That's it. We had him in studio? Yeah. Did he suck? No. No. I have zero memories of meeting Izzy. Stradlin.

But I do remember that great story from Slash's autobiography. Do you remember that one, Josh? Oh, yeah, you should tell that story again. Oh, God. I think did Slash, now I remember Slash being in studio once or twice. Yep, he was in a couple times. Did he share this story with us or was just straight out of the book? I thought it was just out of the book, but maybe, no, yeah, it was out of the book.

Slash's autobiography talks about the early days of Guns and Roses and like a lot of bands, especially bands on the sunset strip from that era, they all lived in a garage together. They had no money. They had nowhere's to live. So five guys living in a garage. They had, you know, thin little prison-style mattresses to sleep on. And it got so bad in this garage that at one point,

Slash and Izzy were sleeping on the same narrow, skinny prison mattress. With the drinking and the carrying on and the groupies, Of course, there was a lot of sex going on. And Slash remembers waking up in the middle of the night one night. And Izzy Stradlin, his bunk mate there on the floor of the garage, Izzy is hammering a groupie into oblivion. And eventually, Izzy finished accidentally on Slash. Oh, no.

I mean, you got to be real good friends to get over something like that. I stepped on a used condom, but it was one of my... my best friends. I got past it, but I was pretty disgusted and angry with him that he would discard. Oh, I should mention I was barefoot when I stepped up. Now you go ahead and make fun of my indoor shoes now. Oh, I wonder, is that what caused it?

No, probably not. Okay. But yeah, barefoot, good friend, pretty disgusting. Gross, dude. I'm so sorry. You've been hurt. I'm past it now, as you can tell. Yeah, I mean, I was there too, and I remember Josh walking around with that used condom in his hand, and he said,

says to me, look what I just stepped on. You didn't really have to show people, but I understand. It was a show. I know. Deputies in Graham County, North Carolina recently pulled over a vehicle after the driver, Tanya Everett, who was already riding dirty with a revoked license and an outstanding warrant, couldn't keep her car in her own lane.

And that's when things got interesting. Because while Everett had plenty of problems of her own, it was her 46-year-old passenger who stole the show, When cops searched the vehicle, they hit the mother load of illegal hobbies. And when they followed that up with a search warrant at a man's home, they found even more. By the time the dust settled, the charges included for the passenger carrying a concealed firearm, possession of cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of methamphetamine, possession with intent to manufacture, sell or deliver cocaine,

trafficking in methamphetamine, and two counts of maintaining a vehicle or dwelling for controlled substances. As for the identity, the mysterious passenger riding shotgun with enough firepower and contraband to stock a small cartel, you might picture a hardened career criminal, or someone who spends his weekends making meth in a bunker. But no, the guy riding shotgun wasn't some random outlaw. It was the guy running the town, Sean Adams, the town's mayor. The mayor! He's involved in all this meth? All those, every single charge was against the mayor. Whoa. The friggin mayor.

The sheriff put it plainly, no one is above the law. It does not matter who you are or what position you hold. Adams has since been granted a three-month leave of absence by the town, and as publicly stated, though, he is not guilty of all those accusations against them. Not every single one. Not a one. There are some things that smell bad enough when they're not on fire. Dumpsters, porta-potties, old used.

Hockey bags, post-Malone, and somewhere near the top of that list, simmering sewage. And that's what caught fire at a sewage treatment plant in New York Monday. Sadly, had this happened in Jersey, no one would have noticed. According to the Schenectady Fire Department, Schenectady. Emergency crews were called to the facility between 5.30 and 5.45 p.m. after a fire and the nose-nooking stench that came with it. It was reported in the building where compost is processed.

from sewage treatment operations. The blaze appeared to have started in an area containing conveyor belts, though the cause remained under investigation, presumably because anyone who got close enough to investigate is still barfing. One firefighter was taken to a hospital for evaluation. The rest of the firefighters talked about how bad it smelled. No civilian injuries were reported. And while we're on the topic of New York,

here's a completely unrelated New York fact. There are 42 buildings in Manhattan that have their own zip codes. Skyscraperers like the Empire State Building house hundreds of distinct companies, thousands of workers, generating enough daily mail to require a dedicated postal delivery route. Ain't that something? So they assign a unique code to help the post office sort and deliver high quantities of corporate mail directly to a single address without bogging down local neighborhood carriers. 42 buildings.

I wouldn't have guessed that, Cubby. No, news to me as well. And I also recently read, somebody in New York gets stabbed 52 times a day. That poor guy. Jesse on Breaking Bad, Aaron Paul's 47. I love that guy. Rush guitarist Alan Life's in 73.

I love that guy. Alex. Isn't that what I said? You called him Alan. Oh, Alex, yeah. It can happen. No, it can't. Alex Life's in 73.

It's my son's name. I know the name. What do you think of the bass player, Betty Lee? Do you like Betty? I think it's Getty. Sergeant Slaughter, who my wife named her last cheap after 78 today. Oh, my damn. I'm glad he's still around.

I want my country back, he said in the mid-80s. What a great day to have a birthday in the puppyhood. Our vet, Dr. Jandria, is going to be in here a little later this morning. Oh, don't do that. You know, her mom's going to go off. Oh, that's the last name. That's the last name. She's fine if you mess up the first.

I don't know. We'll see about that. We've got to say Johnston. Johnston. Happy 13th to the very good girl, Sadie, from George, one of the nicest guys in the brotherhood. Georgia, G.S.E. Jesus checked in on his birthday, but he's actually looking for a shout-out to his dad, Stillwater custodial Jesus for always being the first to wish him a happy birthday. Dude, that's so cute. That is.

That is. Happy 40th to all lay anything's Eskimo, Brose. brother, August, aka Augie, and happy birthday to insulation, hauling Jesus' Jesus' little lady Delphia, turning the big 09, and that's 93x News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. This year's NBA rookie class features the Lakers' newest guard, Lonzo Ball, but the one who's been doing all the talking, especially on TV, is his father, LeVar.

Here to explain that is LeVar Ball. How you doing, Colin? Me? I'm doing incredible. I got one son in the NBA and two on the way. I'm like Earl Woods, Joe Jackson, and Dina Lohan all rolled into one. Never lost. Well, you certainly like to promote yourself. Like this week, you said that you could beat Michael Jordan in basketball

with one arm tied behind your back. You damn right, while wearing a beekeeper suit and hamburger helper gloves. Now, how can you say that? You play college basketball and average two points a game. You're not going to beat Michael Jordan. You ain't seen what I can do. Look at me. I am eight feet tall.

I can jump 20 feet. I jumped over a super target. Hello, Randy Shaver. Good morning. For my money, one of Saturday Night Live's funniest bits, Kenan Thompson's imitation of LaVar Ball. and we'll have more later. We'll have more of this later. Oh, the reason we bring this up, Randy Shaver, I love this story.

Oh, God, and now I've completely misplaced it. I'm being totally serious. Where the hell did it go? Would you like me to print it? What the... Is that going to help at all? This is a... This has got to be a joke. Go ahead, print it. I have no idea what I've done with our conversation on Lanzo Ball. Uh-oh. That is unbelievable.

Here it comes. I appreciate that. Randy, it's been a long time since I've coming to work this drunk. Well. I went last night to my first trip to Mystic Lake Amphitheater. I went and saw The Romantics. It was a great show. The Romantics, Randy Shaver.

The God help us, Christopher Cross. Oh, I love Christopher Cross. Yeah, Toto. I have no idea. Anyway, this is so stupid. Here's the story. Lonzo Ball Does he still play for somebody?

He's been injured so much. Lonzo Ball. Who the hell is he? Jay Cutler. Oh, what? Jay Cutler. You don't care? About the Ball family, not too much, no.

Oh. Well, you can sit this one out there. Yeah, I'll let you go ahead of handle this. So you're not going to dial in at all because I promise you this will be enjoyable. I promise you what we'll be. I'm listening, yeah. Okay, here we go. I did find it.

Anthony Edwards' bang brother-in-law. Lonzo Ball. This is where we were going with this. He says he regrets letting his dad control his early career, and he regrets wearing the big baller brand tennis shoes. It's kind of refreshing to hear that, isn't it? Yes. Because you kind of wonder sometimes if they're just right with dad,

you know, when you had a guy that was that obnoxious. Did we ever figure out where Lonzo Ball works for a living? It's like Cleveland. Yeah. So Lonzo says, I didn't like the shoes. but then me and my dad would get into an argument, and he would be all like, if you don't wear the shoes, then you're going against the family.

So that's what he was up against. He said it wasn't a basketball shoe, bro. It wasn't ready to be used. So I tried to play in them, but they would rip and pop out like every quarter. When I changed my shoes, I started playing great again. And this is the part that I really enjoyed. He also said he believes that the big baller brand shoes

may have contributed to the first knee injury that he suffered when he was a rookie. Oh, my God. He said, I really wasn't getting hurt like that until I started wearing him. Keenan Thompson's LeVar ball segment from years ago. I mean, that's what brought Cubby and I around to it again. We've got more, don't we, from Keenan? This is great stuff. Yeah, talking about the clothing.

Chase them all down wearing my big ball of brand, Zotoo! Oh. Yeah, that's right. I forgot your son already has his own shoe line, and they cost $495 a pair. That's because they're quality. They're made of South African rhinococeros horn. They help you run faster, jump higher, and keep your Willie hard as glass. Yeah, here you go, Kyle. Okay, I don't know if I want to touch these.

All right, well, thank you very much. Your wonderful shoes. Thank you. That'll be $495. Okay, well, I feel like the expectations are really high for Lodz at this point. The Lakers are expecting him to win rookie of the year already. Oh, he's going to win a hell of a lot more than that. Here we go. NBA, MVP.

Uh-huh. Finals, MVP. He's going to win an ESPy, a Grammy, a Purple Heart. He's going to get Best Truck in his class by JD Power and Associates. Such a good line. The Lakers are going to win it all this year. Let me tell you how they're going to do it. Just start all my kids.

Yeah. The starting five will be. Lonzo, 18-year-old Leangelo, 15-year-old Le Mello, and I got two boys who was just conceived, Levitra and Lidiculousness. God, help us. I wish I had my own banged brother-in-law, like Anthony Edwards can say that his bang brother-in-law is Lonzo Ball.

The old man was close on those predictions. He was NBA all-rookie second team. I'm sorry? You made all those predictions about how his rookie year. He's going to be rookie of the year. He's going to be the MVP, NBA Finals MVP. What about the JD Power Truck of the Year? I'm not seen that in the career highlights, no.

So Lonzo Ball did win something, you're saying. He made the NBA All-Rookie second team. Okay, fair enough. That's close enough for the Ball family. Oh, while we started off with basketball, Randy Shaver. Sure. How about the hiring of Jonathan Cominga? Yeah.

I think this is massive. I'm a fan of this Kaminga kid. can friggin' play. And I was telling Josh earlier that five minutes before the story broke, saying that the Timberwolves were hiring this guy, I read that the Lakers had it nailed. I read a couple of articles actually that said, let it go, Cleveland Cavaliers, let it go, Minnesota Timberwolves. Jonathan Cummings is going to play for the Lakers.

And then the spin came back around our way. Hell, I think this is going to be huge. Well, it certainly fills a spot that they were, I mean, really concerned about it in that power forward spot. So what it does is it moves Jayden to power forward. It moves Jonathan to small forward. And it gives the wolves a very athletic starting five. And you got I.O. coming off the bench.

You've got Terrence Shannon coming off the bench. Bones Highland, you know, is going to be there. The young kid, the center, Berenge. Juan Beringer. Yep. So they've got some, they've got some, certainly a very solid starting five, and their bench, at least on paper, looks like it's going to be very successful too. I'm excited about this, as you can tell. Yeah.

I understand. Anthony Edwards was, it's a big signing. It is. Anthony Edwards was very vocal about signing. I'd be A1 for day one. Well, they've been recruiting him for a while. Yeah. I mean, if you read this morning, there's a, there's a,

There's been a lot of conversation between Cominga and Tim Connolly, Caminga and the head coach, Caminga and Edwards. Yeah, Finchie got involved. Yeah, there's been a lot of conversations. So it's a two-year $12.4 million deal. And I don't follow the financials of... Which is way cheaper than what he was making when he, Golden State, signed him to a two-year, like $64 million deal.

See, that's where I'm going with this. I don't follow the financials behind any of my favorite athletes, favorite teams. They all make way too much money. I don't pay attention at all. People will say, what's the contract he's got? How many years? I have no idea. It's just something that I've never taken an interest in.

But a lot of people on social media are poking fun at Jonathan Cominga, saying that he and his agent are idiots. Here are some of the tweets. Here are some of the tweets. as well as his agents are still in question. The fact that he hasn't fired his agent after all this is amazing to me. He went from three years, $75.2 million. That's the offer he got from the Warriors to a two-year $13 million contract with the wolves. Check this guy out, Josh.

This is a generational L for Kaminga and his agent. Anyway, I don't follow it, but people are poking fun at he and his agent saying they're idiots. I thought part of the gist was he wanted to be here. Yeah, he wants to win. That it was his call. Well, I mean, the wolves could not offer any more than that. And they're going to have to move Green from their roster in order to make all that happen. Josh Green, more than likely, he's going to get moved.

So, I mean, the wolves were stuck financially. That's the best they could do. So you're right. I think Kamenga decided he would rather take a chance at himself and come here. He's only, what, 23? Yeah, 23. I was surprised to read that. Yeah, he's not very old.

And I don't know what the other teams out there could have offered. I don't know what the Lakers had cap-wise to be able to spend. No. But playing for the wolves, and he's guaranteed a starting spot, I think, is there's a lot of upside for Kaminga to come here and play. I agree. Listeners are texting in a couple of them. wondering, do we have any nickname suggestions for Jonathan Kamenga? Well, I know there's already a few existing nicknames for the kid.

I've heard a couple. That we will not be repeating on the radio. But we'll take your suggestions at 651-989-93-93. You've heard a couple of them, Josh. Where do you go with that? Payroll Jesus said, this is a really good move according to J.D. Power Ford and Associates. Genius. What a line.

He's the guy that taught us about the P.U.55 Y club yesterday. Same guy? Same guy. Smart guy. Does anyone take an interest in this former NBA player, Blake Griffin, is going to host his own late-night television show? Well, hell, it worked for Magic Johnson. Blake Griffin's a very funny dude. Yeah, he's got some funny stuff.

He is. Oh, yeah, I'm well aware of that. I'm well aware of that. I do like the guy. He is very funny, clever guy. I give him a chance. I do. When he played, was he known to be, until afterwards is the only time.

I don't think so. Like he became a stand-up comedian. Yeah, he did. He would go to open mic nights and stuff. I wasn't aware of his personality until he retired from the game. But since then, all of us have learned that this kid is funny. Kind of like Eli Manning. Once he got out of football, it's like, wow, this guy's got a sense of humor, right?

When he was playing, I thought he was biggest dweeb to ever walk the planet. Then all of a sudden, I'm like, wow, that guy's snob. sneaky funny. He's going to call this television show, Blake Griffin, he's going to call it the stepback. And he'll be sitting behind a desk. I don't know if he'll have guests. Is James Harden his first guest? Oh, don't start with me. Steph Curry is first guest. I don't know if he'll have regular guests, but it says here it'll be sports related. A lot of jokes, this and that. Blake Griffin. You guys remember the Magic Johnson show? I saw clips. Holy bull. It didn't last too long, did it?

That was piss poor. Oh, was it really bad? Oh, yeah, it was bad. I mean, Magic's a nice guy and everything, but he just wasn't wired for that. So we'll keep an eye out for Blake. Blake Griffin. I just remember once, Josh, where someone was interviewing Blake Griffin, and he did his imitation of everyone he's ever met in Hollywood. It was something along those lines, and Blake said, most of the people in Hollywood say this.

I basically am Larry David He's good on some of those roasts I haven't spotted it yet I know there's professional joke writers and stuff But he pulls them off All right so the twins got beat by the athletics last night They've now fallen four games behind Cleveland for that final American league playoff spot

They got a series It starts up tomorrow night here at home This is that stretch we've been talking about for a while where they play Cleveland, Chicago, blah, blah, blah, a lot of divisional and playoff caliber opponents. So this was a pisser last night. They had a three-nothing lead. It went away. It went away. Just a terrible road trip.

I think that's the, I think that's putting it mildly. It turned out to be a terrible road trip. And, you know, Cleveland's won seven straight. So they have taken a firm hold on that final wildcard spot. And they're still chasing down the White Sox. You know, the division is not done yet between those two teams. But, you know, if the twins can never say never, four games is still four games. There's a lot of teams they've got to jump over now where before they were right there.

It doesn't look good. The road trip, the losses against the athletics are the ones that just really, Yeah, a lot of folks were hoping for a sweep there. Yep. Those are the ones that really hurt. Philadelphia Phillies designated hitter, Kyle Schwabber. He hit his big league leading 40th dong yesterday. And he tied a Phillies record for most 40-plused home run seasons.

Who did he tie, Randy Shaver? It wasn't Mike Schmidt. Oh, it wasn't Mike. Who did he tie and it wasn't Mike Schmidt? Big Greg Luzinski Tall first basement Oh it was not

Oh um Ryan Howard That's right Yes As soon as you say big I think of Greg Lusinski I don't know why That I do

That I do He tied The record for most 40 home run seasons With a Philly's uniform On his back Matching Ryan Howard Howard

How many seasons Oh I didn't write that part down Oh How many seasons? Yeah, I didn't include that in the conversation, and I apologize. Probably three. Four or five?

Someone might have to look that up. No, I feel like a damn jackass. By the way, Matt Olson of the Braves and Jordan Alvarez of the Astros Trail Schwarber, as far as home runs this season, those two some bitches have hit 36. Yeah. It's a great bounce. Yordane's going to probably win. kind of like the comeback player of the year in the American League

because he missed like all of last year, basically, with an injury. And he's come back and had an outstanding year. And, you know, Houston is in the running right now to make a playoffs. They're the American League West leader right now. He's had a great year. This sucks. The Dodgers could get Shohei Otani back on the mound by this weekend. A dude had a bad back from.

sitting on his wallet, I think. That happens. Happen to George and Seinfeld. Was it you, Nick, that told me I need. That was me. Yeah, it was you, yeah, because I used to have a pretty big, there was no money in there. It was like coupons.

Oh, you had a Costanza going? Oh, yeah. It was coupons. It was every card I had. Everything I had was in that wallet. Membership cards to everywhere in town. Yep. The list is long of easy fixes in life that never dawned on me.

That list is long. But when I was a young kid, well, I suppose, sure, I'll go ahead and call myself a young kid in my 20s. I suddenly had, you know, this aching back all the time. And I caught some of that sciatica. You guys ever had a big? I heard it's terrible. It's like a pinched nerve or something? Dance off with that sciatic.

And I just, what the hell is going on? You know, I was still the young guy. And I bitched about it to one of my pals one night. and he said, you ever try putting your wallet in your front pocket? And I said, no. And he said, try that. Sure as hell, it all went away. That's an easy fix that I should have been able to come up with all on my own, Josh, but it never happened.

I have an easier fix. Go ahead. And my fix it, because I hate a fat wallet, too. I mean, I got cards and stuff like that. Boom, batter. My wallet's getting fatter. Yeah, exactly. I, uh, whenever I know I'm going to need my wallet outside of the.

car. I just pull the card that I know I'm going to use. Why bring the whole wallet if I'm just going to use this car, and I know it's the card I'm going to use. Right. And I just take the card out, put it in my front pocket, leave the wallet. Were your dad like that? My dad had everything in all 100%.

My dad had a huge wallet. Yeah. My dad probably could have used a purse more than anything because there's so much stuff in there. Yeah. Yeah. The old man always playing. Was it a lot of money in there either? No, it's never cash.

Oh, the old man always claimed he never had more than $2 on him. $2. So anyway, back to Otani. Once he's back, then they'll have the rotation. Tarek Scoubel, Shohei, Jerry Yamamoto, whatever his name is, Jerry Snell and Jerry Glassnow. Yeah, that's a hell of a rotation. I think I got all the first names right. That sucks for everyone else involved, of course, but there you go.

And they've been using a six-man rotation, too, so you may have to throw Socky in there, too. Socky. Well, or Robleski, who was an all-star this year. Bastards. So, I mean, they've been using a six-man rotation, basically all season. 44 years ago today in 1982, Ricky Henderson of the Oakland Athletics, stole four bases in a game to break Lou Brock's record of 118 steals in one baseball season. Ricky ended the season with 130 stolen bases. Think about that.

My goodness. Think about that. I mean, that's a record that may never be touched. Oh, it never will be. What a way to break the record, too, by stealing four in a game. That's pretty damn cool. Yeah. And Lou Brock was unbelievable at stealing bases.

Yeah, he was. I tell us you something about Ricky Henderson. Remember when Lou Brock stepped into the batters box and called time? because he had to take a piss? No, I don't remember that. Yeah. There's a famous baseball moment where he stepped into the batters box and he said time and the umpire said, yeah, go ahead.

And Lou said, well, no, I need like a lot of time. You went off, took a squeege. They let him do it because he's Lou Brock. Let's go back to betting on the Little League World Series. Where are we on betting? Pardon me, where are we on the Little League World Series? Where are they at? Anyone following it?

No. Fair enough. Fair no. But we have had a past conversation about betting on the Little League World Series. It's been a hot topic on the godless, soulless and wildly misinformed Internet. I think we mentioned this. Last time we had the conversation, bet online sports and casino is offering odds on the Little League World Series

because they're an offshore betting site. And of course, you know, Little League World Series, these are kids who are hopefully and supposedly between 10, 12, years old in that neighborhood. You never know. Yeah, that's right. It is illegal. The American Gaming Association has stated that betting on Little League

baseball games or youth sports in general is illegal in the United States. The Little League World Series has issued a statement saying that there's no place for betting on their tournament. So, BetOnline brand manager, Dave Mason, I think I got the

name right. I loved his album. Dave Mason. And the Dave Mason 5. Was that the... This bet online manager has offered a proposal to end Little League World Series betting. And here we go. You're going to like this. He says, we understand why some people are uncomfortable with betting on kids.

But if the discomfort is really about profiting off of 12-year-olds, that conversation shouldn't start and end with us. Little League Baseball, ESPN, and the tournament sponsors are cash-end. in every August. The difference is nobody asked them to share their revenue. So here's our offer, they say, or he says, from Bet Online. Commit to paying the players and we'll commit to taking Little League off our betting board in 20. Now we're going to go ahead and pay 11-year-olds to play baseball. That's hilarious. I like this guy. He says pay the players and their families. And then they'll walk away. They've suggested to give the families of the Little League players a stipend for their travel.

Some kind of NIL type compensation for the kids. Paul's Mahoney, Randy Schaeber, there's going to be a 12-year-old kid in a few years pitching in the World Series making more than all of us combined. Well, with how much money those parents must spend from the beginning of the season through all those regionals and all the travel? Yeah. I feel like they do deserve. of a kickback. They probably do they could use some sort of compensation. I was telling Josh

this off the air the other day. I watched a video about how just out of control youth sports spending has gotten how much it costs. And we all know that. But they gave an example of a prestigious hockey league in Michigan, a youth hockey league where if you're a parent and you are video recording a game on your phone,

the team is subject to be kicked out of the league because you need to pay the league. You need to pay the league to be able to stream the games online. So if grandma wants to watch it, you can't just send a clip of the kid out there, you know, the nice shift scores a goal, you've got to pay the league that you're already paying a ton of money for for the rights to be able to rewatch the game later on.

That's really weird. That is bizarre. All right, so Nick, the semifinals are today for the Little League World Series. Starting this morning. This will be the last tournament. I think the championship Sunday. It is. Yep.

It's to be the last tournament where the players aren't paid. Man, we are just corrupt to the very core here, aren't we? We're getting there. I like how he's suggesting that's what they're waiting for. You really want to quit this whole gambling thing. And, of course, the pointing of fingers. Hey, it's not just us. It's not just us.

Look at the sponsors. You never thought of that, did you? ESPN. You didn't consider that. But we here at Bet Online. Let me see where Randy Shaver goes with this one. Let's see where he goes with the... Brobibble.

Barfed out an article here. The seven most difficult positions to play in all of sports. The seven most difficult positions to play in all of sports. Now, the key criteria here, they're basing it on both difficulty and importance. How hard the positions are to play mentally and physical and how much they contribute to winning. Those are the main factors.

So we go from 7 to 1. Anything off the top of your head, anything come to mind right away, Randy Schaber, is the hardest positions to play in all of sports. Well, I would say quarterback would be number one. You think so? I would say quarterback would be number one. I would say playing catcher would be up there.

You have to be up there. I'd say hockey goalie right off the mind. Top of mind. Yeah, hockey goalie. For sure. From 7 to 1, number 7, they start with a soccer goalkeeper. Sure. They say this position requires size, quick reactions, sure.

On top of all that. This is unfair. Penalty shots are only saved about 15% of the time in soccer, and they happen nearly every game. This goalkeeper, the soccer goalkeeper, they say, loses points in the overall rankings. In the importance factor, they say yes, if a team has no goalie, they're likely going to lose. But there are times when a goalkeeper can pick up a win while making few or zero saves. So that's why soccer goalkeeper was knocked down to the bottom of the list.

Yeah, they don't get pepper too often. Number six, this is Cubby's old position, so I know he'll argue in favor of this. Point guard. Finally, we get some recognition. The point guard in basketball. They start every play, have to know the offense up and down. They have the ball virtually every single possession. So they have a huge impact on winning.

In the modern National Basketball Association, they have to be elite shooters and have great passing vision. And they mention basketball conditioning. Playing offense and defense repeatedly takes a lot. I think I would have been so much better if I could remember which one was our hoop. It's so confusing. No, no,

the other way. They should put it like colors. They should make them colored. I would say that position, though, has melded into all the other ones, too. Because some teams don't have a real true point guards. Some teams will throw, like you'll see the kid from Dallas, the young kid, bring the ball up. Or you'll see,

you know, Kevin Garnett used to bring the ball up. that position is kind of melded over the years. It has, but I think it says a lot that this year's NBA champion had a true 100% point guard in Jalen Brunson. Okay, already this list is giving soccer way too much credit here. Number five on the list of the hardest positions to play in all of sports is center midfielder in soccer. And they talk about how the center midfielder is the quarterback of the team.

And in some games, they'll have to make 60 or more passes and are largely responsible for maintaining possession. Yeah, you're going box to box. You're running about three or five miles a game if you're the center mid. But it's soccer. You know, so. Yeah, no, it's definitely a soccer writer who wrote this, I'm sure. Number four is the catcher position in the sport of baseball.

Like you guessed, Randy Schaeber. You got to decide what pitch is going to be thrown. You got to call the game. You got to aware of base runners at all time. you get a hundred mile per hour slider to your bean bag two or three times a game. You got to stopping a wild pitch.

They mentioned that in this ranking of the hardest positions and all. I don't think the average jabroney knows how difficult it is to get in the way of a wild pitch. Would you say it's the same in youth baseball, meaning like fourth grade to catch your position?

The reason I ask is because I play. I didn't know you ever played baseball. It was one season. Oh. I retired. They're still talking about it? Yeah. For wrong reasons.

I was made fun of by some of my friends. Well, that's where they put the kids that suck. And I was so excited to be a catcher. I always thought that was cool, you know, putting on all the gear. I was also a catcher. Yeah. I like putting on the gear. So is that a true?

I just went with that. I mean, obviously I know it in Major League Baseball is completely different. So is the catcher in youth baseball as important as it is in professional baseball? I mean, is that where they put the kids that sock or were they just mess? Oh, no, no, no. The kid that sucks goes to play right field. Everyone knows that. I've heard that before.

Yeah. Well, good. And they say here in arguing for the catcher to be one of the most difficult positions in all the sports, they say the evidence is there. A catcher can be the worst hitter in the lineup, but as long as he does his job behind the plate, nobody bats an eye. Mm-hmm. Number three, hockey goaltender. They call the hockey goaltender the true psychos of the sports world. Crazy to think that at one point, these guys didn't even wear helmets.

Crazy to think back in the day. Yeah, or a mask. Nothing at all, yeah, because they were just like every other swinging d. They had nothing from the neck up. I mean, they faced dozens of 90-some 100-mile-per-hour shots per night. If he lets in more than three, he's likely he and his team are going to lose. Flexible, quick, some of the best athletes in. sports. Right, Vinnie? A goalie can take over an entire playoff series. We've seen it before.

So I absolutely think that's a valid answer. Number two, and by the way, back to goalies. At the end of the day, I think about women. You know, I think about women's bodies. Now, maybe all that'll change. Maybe I'll end up sleeping with old goalies. I mean, things being what they are, who knows? A comment about goalies that always stuck with me, and this was at a youth hockey event. One of the dad said, you know, the thing about being a goalie, too, is when you screw up or, you know, you misplay something, everyone cheers, right? And it's for some of these kids, that's really got to suck. And they chant sieve. Yeah, stuff like that. We used to love to chant sieve over and over again at the youth hockey games. That was when I was on my 30s. The final two selections here for the most difficult positions in sports. Number two, cornerback. talk about man coverage in football is the most insane thing an athlete can be asked to do i don't know about that but here's where they go with them it's like trying to win a race versus someone who is making up the racetrack as they go that's right yeah here is the biggest reason why i would

throw cornerback onto this list and it angers me every time i watch a national football league game the rules are so stacked against the defensive player on a pass play in the national Football League. The rules are so stacked against the defensive backs. It's not frigging fair. It isn't. I think they should throw pass interference into the garbage and let the guys hand fight all they want because more often than not, you guys know it. The defensive back, cornerback, gets absolutely boned on pass interference calls. And the past interference call is so dramatic. You know, you get the ball at the spot of the foul. Right. If that's a 46-yard pass, that's where you get the friggin' football. That's not fair. It hasn't been fair for years.

sucks. The wide receiver gets to do damn near anything he wants. Number one, you were right, Randy Shaver, is quarterback. And they go on and on about, you know, being the field general and all that crap. I would add if the list was longer than seven. Yes. I would add a golfer on that list. Oh, please. Well, I'm just saying it's a very difficult skill to be a golfer.

And I would add kicker on that list because that's a very special. specific difficult skill. Yeah, a lot of pressure. Usually it's down to you whether or not your ball club wins or loses. I'm glad you brought that up. Not everybody can do that. I mean, not every person is built to be a kicker. All right.

Yeah, I tried to think of some others. You know, I don't know. Roller Derby wasn't mentioned anywhere. Being a pitcher would be specifically difficult for sure. What about that character in Roller Derby that has to beat the piss out of everybody? I don't know. What about the people like competing King of the Death Match? King of the like wrestling?

Yeah. They didn't meant, they don't count television wrestling on the list. Well, that's unfortunate. When you get out the fluorescent light bulbs and the exploding barbed wire, what's his name, Kenny Omega? I hate to bring this up because it's just so painful, but this Everson Griffin character has been arrested again. Yeah, that's too bad. I really hope he can get some help. He's walking along 3.94 at 3 o'clock in the morning.

Yeah. And then when the cops asked him to get in the car, he won't do it. They have to tase him. Somebody, please. Yeah. Get a hold of this guy. Former Viking, Everson, Griffin. Sad.

Wandering down the freeway in the middle of the night. Yeah. I mean, it just seems like every few months something's going on. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Now, listeners are texting in about their ideas for difficult, positions in professional sports. I mean, are we counting Olympic events because people are talking about the bobsled driver?

Yeah. NASCAR. A few people said NASCAR should be on there. Dude, now there you go. See, I'm over here racking my brain trying to come up with one. Absolutely. Yeah, obviously, you're probably thinking of like the majors. Yeah, yeah, I was thinking about it. Not motorsports. But, yeah, a ton of motorsports you could throw on there. Jesus, balls, yeah. Those guys on those, you know, the ring-de-ding, ding, ding,

Bhabba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Have you guys ever been to a Supercross? Yes. Incredible. Have you seen what those guys do? Yeah, it's so much better. Dana, have you been to one? I have not been to one, no.

After that soccer midfielder, throw the Supercross guys in there. It's so much better in person. Oh, I bet it is. When you see in person how high these guys are getting? The folks who live at the trailer park in Ohio where San Francisco 49ers owner Jed York was arrested in a hilarious online hooker sting. Those folks who live at the trailer park, they're mad at the local cops. They say this wasn't the first time that their trailer park has been used for a sting operation.

They also said that Jed York's arrest has damaged the trailer park's reputation, and the idea that the park is a prostitution hotspot is untrue. They're saying that they're a neighborhood loaded with families and kids and broken down old retirees. They say it ain't no dimly lit dirt pile crawling with half-price hookers. It's a nice place to live. That sucks. Yeah, that does suck. Yeah.

One dude who lives at the trailer park said, So now we're trailer trash, huh? He said, we're not Anoka. Oh, he didn't say that. How do you even know about Anoka? He didn't say it. Another individual lives at the trailer park said, We don't deserve this.

This is a beautiful park. Now we're being labeled as running prostitution and drug rings and stuff. One of my cousins lives in a trailer home. It's absolutely gorgeous. Have you guys seen some of the new, like a double wide? It's awesome. I have to say, Josh, that the only trailer parks that I've ever spent any time in were in quite a state of disrepair.

I don't have any experience. I'm just saying, I haven't been to one of the nice ones. The ones that I've been to were, in a word, iffy. Is that right? Yes. I'm sure you're telling the truth. I'm just saying, I don't have any person. If you woke up in there, you wouldn't know.

Yeah, how the hell did they know about Anoka? Is it like a reputation that's good or bad? It sounds like he's saying it's not good. Oh, and the 49ers, boy, they're having just the time of the their lives over at the 49ers. They just happened the best August they've ever had at 49ers. Between the car accident, the owner. Yeah, the head coach gets in some kind of a mysterious car wreck,

which I never really looked into. Which he was the one at fault. Yeah. Yeah, he was messing around with his phone, wasn't he? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah. What the hell is this guy talking about who just texted in? Hard disposition.

his doggy style when you have a big gut? What the hell are you talking about? We're talking about sports. You know what? He might be on to something, though. He said, if you don't have a lot of length, you don't even get there, he says. Doggy style with a huge...

Oh, my God. Talk about sports, bray. What are you from a Noka or something? Coming off like that? Here's more with the 49ers now. I mean, this is not their fault, but some young kid has been posing as a 49ers play. and he's got some older friend of his who's been posing as his agent and financial advisor.

And they go on the godless internet and they start up fake relationships with women. Ooh, a professional football player and he's young and attractive. I want to date him. And the guy says, well, sure, I'll date you. You're my girlfriend. By the way, this is my financial advisor. And then the financial advisor steals some money from the women. You know the whole routine, right?

18-year-old kid and a 35-year-old guy have been pulling this scam online in Portland, Oregon, and now they're in huge trouble for wire fraud and this and that. So it's the fake relationship thing, and then the guy says, you know, the guy who's posing as a player, how you doing financially? Are you doing all right? And the lady says, well, actually, yes. Well, let me introduce you to my financial advisor.

He'll give you some tips, and then she gives out her checking account number and then all hell breaks loose and everybody's... It's bogus. They're all broke. That sucks. That's bad. That's bad. They say this kid who was posing as a 49er, Josh. They say he did get it on with some of these ladies.

That's wrong. Yeah, that makes it worse. You think you'd kind of, you look them up, right? Like, hey, this is my boyfriend. Here's his roster photo. Most people do, but I guess I don't know. I used to volunteer at Twinsfest back in college, high school and college. And remember the picture J.D. Durbin turned out to be a nothing.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes, I do. My job that day was to hang out the autograph line and kind of usher people through, and J.D. Durbin was talking to me, and he goes, hey, you ever go down to Fort Myers spring training? I go, yeah, I've been there once or twice with my family. And he goes, next time you go down there, go to the bars and tell all the gals that, you know, you were a double-A pitcher last year, you're going to make the show this year. He goes, bro, you'll clean up.

You'll clean up, man. He was encouraging me to go to Fort Myers to lie about being a professional baseball player just to get some action. Was he right? I never had attempted it. But the fact that that's where his mindset was kind of leaves me to believe that's kind of maybe why his career didn't pan out the way he thought it would. That's shady.

Yeah. I've told you the stories about my beer-drinking pals who I introduced when I was in the old days doing bar gigs, I introduced a couple of my friends on the mic and everything as big-time professional athletes. and the crowd bought it.

And maybe that's all I got to say about that. Okay. I'm just saying it got to the point where the bar manager was asking, you've heard the story. One of my old hockey playing buddies looked, F me running identical to former Pigs goaltender, Mani Fernandez. And this guy was a legit hockey player that I played beer league with. And so he comes into the bar one night,

and I got on the mic. I had a few beers in. man, I'm just screwing around. And I said, hey, everybody, let's say word up to Pigs goaltender, Manny Fernandez. And it was absolutely believable. They look like twin brothers. Next thing, you know, the guy's got waitresses sitting on his lap. It got to the point where the bar manager was asking him to autograph jerseys.

Is that one of those where you go, oh, this got away from me? Absolutely, it got away from me. And I walked up to my pal who looked like Manny Fernandez, and I said, I got to shut this down. This is getting out of control. And he said, if you shut this down, I'll kill you. He's got 21-year-olds all over his lap. The bar manager's asking him to autographed jerseys. Now, I'll give him a lot of credit because he was thinking on his feet.

He said, yeah, I can't do that. NHL rules. I can't do it. Yeah, because having to sign somebody else's name out of nowhere, writing Manny Fernandez, if you never signed that name before, that's got to be pretty difficult. I let it get, it got a little too crazy, Josh. Yeah, I could see that.

And wasn't the crowd that night already on edge because the Woutang Clan didn't show up? Different night. It was a different night. That one really got away from you. That one did really. Then there was a time I was boating on Lake Minnetonka, and I pulled into a marina because I had to take a potty break.

And some of these are saying, I think I can guess which style of a potty break. Oh, yeah, I was just going to say. I heard you talk about doing both in the water. I got a piss bucket, but I had to take a real. And as I'm walking up to the bathroom, at this marina there's this really well-built cat young guy and he's surrounded by women

and uh you know he says okay girls see you later all right there you go I'm looking at you baby kind of hot shot hey hey hey hey type of a guy right he's like all right girl see you later that's right good to meet you he's in line to take a piss I'm standing next to him he goes hey how you doing Scott Gomez New Jersey Devils and being a big hockey fan I knew absolutely instant he was not Scott Gomez from the New Jersey double. But he says, yeah, maybe you saw me last week in that game against the Rangers. And he just, he tried to sell me on it.

And I'm not going to, you know, I got to go into the bathroom and take a, I don't have time for an argument over whether with a complete strength. So I just played along. I said, oh, yeah, do you know Paul Martin? Oh, of course I know Paul. We're teammates from any of you. Scott Gomez, New Jersey Devils, how you doing? It's like, what the hell got into this guy? That's what you're going to do on the lake today?

You're going to try to sell everyone on the fact that you're Scott Gomez? This is heartbreaking news. Oh, by the way, Josh, what's this guy's name? Anoka Brumbole Jesus has texted in. And he said, hey, take it easy. Someone else texted in and said, what are you dragging Anoka through the mud this morning for? Haven't any of you been to Lake Elmo? I have.

Plenty of time. Heartbreaking news here, Randy Shabar. NFL's going to gas their little Pro Bowl games. Yeah. Best news of the day. Is that? Are you happy with that? Yeah. I'll never accomplish my dream of going to the Pro Bowl.

I've seen it live in person. You never did? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I never got to. Oh, God. I'd imagine you never wanted to? No. Outside, maybe the Hawaii trip would be kind of... The Hawaii trip would have been fun, yeah.

Oh, God, now that brings me all the way back now again to another one of my bar stories. The same bar where we tried to fool people into thinking that my buddy was Manny Fernandez. They had this great big poster on the wall one year that said, win a trip to the Pro Bowl. Oh, yeah, this is terrible. And it had pictures of at the time, you know, late 90s, it was like Terrell Owens and Junior Seahill or something. Win a trip to the Pro Bowl. Sign up here. And I thought, wow, that's really cool. This bar has really got their act together. They're giving away a trip to the pro. And then I look at the fine print and it said, does not include hotel or game tickets. It was a plane. It was a plane.

ride to Hawaii. That's all it was. That'll get some people pretty riled up if you figure that out. I can't believe they did that. Yeah, I know it was, but we had a lot of laughs over there, me and the Wutang clan. There you go, Randy Schaever. We're going to close her down

for you. Sounds good. Heading off to the fair as soon as possible, I would imagine. No. You know, do you go recreationally now that you don't have to do any work? Hell no. You were there a couple years ago for Nate Bargazzi. I think you stopped by the booth quick.

Your grandkids, maybe. I did. I went out there for that show. And I had to go out there last year for Star Tribune. And I'm going back out there again next Wednesday for Star Tribune. Let's go back to the year 2000. Josh, don't you have a special theme song or something like that? Whenever we go back to the year.

I can look. 26 years, Randy. I'm just trying to try to. Trying to make it as mathematically simple as possible. In the last 26 years, how many times have you gone to the fair where it was not work-related? Probably, well, my kids would have been younger. I'm going to guess maybe two. Wow.

I'm going to guess maybe two. I think people that work there every year, it ruins it for them. I've seen that around here. If you're new to the operation, yeah, it's been an ongoing thing. Randy just really does not take. I don't care for it. He does not care for the state fair. I mean, I understand why people love it.

Yeah. I totally understand. I just look at it differently. That's all. I understand. Have ever shown back up at the barn and heckled them during the live broadcast? Oh. No, I have not.

I stopped in to see people when I was there last year. but today's day one. It's so expensive. It is. I mean, it's just outrageously expensive. 20 bucks to get in the door. We haven't really hyped it up too much. We haven't really hyped it up too much.

And where does that money go? I mean, what does that? I have no idea. I don't care. I don't care. They can have my money. I still love the fair. Oh, God.

I got another text from someone from Anoka, Josh. They said, sleep well tonight, Nick, you're going to need it. Oh, God. Sleep. Sleep. And I don't think there's any false throw. threats coming out of Anoka. You might be in some trouble. There he said, I'm going to need my rest.

We've got to go, Randy. See you. All right, go ahead. If you got a telephone in hand, one that sends text messages, the number is 651-989-93-93. That's our Luther-Bloomington Kia text line. It's time to talk about your dogs and cats again. Go ahead and send us a message. And we'll get that message to our next guest, Dr. Andrea Johnston, from German Animal Hospital. We'll return with Dr. Andrea in a couple of minutes. Hey, it's Dana.

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Start your day with the morning jolt of Drake Toll. Anywhere in the country. Your home for talking sports. The United States hockey team has four teeth left. What is LeBron James Legacy? Leonel Mess. 906 career goals is stupid. All of it.

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Joining us in studio is our friend, Dr. Andrea Johnston, from German Animal Hospital and Minnetonka. It's time to figure out what's going on with your pets. Go ahead and text us, 651, 989, 93. Andrea. Hi, good morning. Morning. State Fair starts today. School starts next week, how you're holding together.

Oh, God, they can't get back to school fast enough. I mean, right now they're, like, melting into the couch. Because it's like, I have a sitter that went back to college, and I'm like, guys, you got to get back to school. It's time. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, yeah, I think so. What grades are they starting? First grade, fifth grade, and eighth grade.

Oh, God, dang. Those are fun. Yeah, yeah, I'm just like all the evening. emails and all the stuff, school supplies and the schedules. Yeah. They keep you busy, don't it. And then sports start. Yep.

You don't catch a break. No, you don't. Very often. You don't. No, that's right. Well, so next week they go back to school. Hey, by the way, Dr. Andrea, I have some news for you. Oh.

Maybe you're aware of this. According to some rankings and someone did some arithmetic and this and that. This is going to break some hearts, I think. Labradors, according to what I'm reading. are no longer the most popular dog breed. Yeah, I did not. You did? Why?

Go ahead, give them the answer. Who's number one now? The French Bulldog. Oh, see, I have a different answer. I have French Bulldog coming in at number two. That was last year then, French Bulldog. Labrador retriever still hanging around at number three. It's going to piss some people off.

The answer that I have in front of me is the Chihuahua. What? That's right. No, this is a fake list. It's time to give those little peckerheads there, do. No way. Nobody. Maybe you guys have heard this before, but somebody texted in about a Chihuahua yesterday and called it a Mexican rodent.

Is that a common phrase? We call them Jahuahuas at work. Or also known as land sharks. They won't eat your fingers. I met one nice Chihuahua in my life, I guess, and that was a cute little guy. But every other Chihuahua I met, it was just rude. Yeah, they're kind of crabby. Are they?

They are. You know, we were talking at work yesterday. We're like, when is the Golden Doodle or the Labradoodle going to make that list? But they're technically not a birdie. read. Golden Doodle did make the list. It did. Let me give you the top 10 here, Dr. Andrew, from 10 to 1.

Okay, now, researchers, this is all legit. You know, I wish I could find, you know, who exactly they are so you could send your hateful emails. But this is legit. They say from 10 to 1, most popular dog breeds in America. 10 is the Docksound. Number nine is your golden doodle. Eight, the American Pit Bull Terrier, seven German Shepherd, six, golden retriever.

Five, Shih Tzu, four. Yorkie, which I have probably at my house hiding under a couch right now. Three lab, two French bulldog, number one, Chihuahua. Wow. That's a broken list. Way to get it done, Chihuahuas. Yeah, that is a shock to me. What are you so upset about?

Why can't the Chihuahuas have a friggin' day in the sun, Ashley? I just, I want to meet the people that took this quiz. I'm proud of it. Put this information together. I'm proud of the Chihuahuas and the Chihuahua people. I want to see the evidence to support this. Oh, my gosh. I don't believe that.

I need to go do my research here. By the way, also included in this article is a story of a dog treat company owner. This is a guy who runs a dog treat company who says he routinely eats their products. Yeah. That's good. It gives them to our kids too. Gives them to the kids too. Don't do that.

You probably wouldn't recommend that. Well, I mean, these clients are, what they're feeding these pets these days, I'm like, you don't have to spend that much money on feeding your dog, but it's like freeze-dried and then they add water and it looks like a delicious soup. So, I mean, it wouldn't be surprised if people are eating their dog's treats. We give our dogs some of those little frozen ice cream treats

and I gave a lick of it once and it was pretty good. You have to try it. I've always wondered what those tastes like. It wasn't bad at all. Hey, a Chihuahua owner texted into the program, Josh, and they say, corporate dog breeds rule. We win again.

they say. I do have a lab question if you want to go back to the lab. Sure. I'd start there. This is from I drive a Hyundai, but ride your dad, Jesus. She has a four-year-old female black lab. Just got home three months of dog trading for hunt testing. Okay.

Came back home with elbow pads, and it looked like she's been losing the hair around her butt-slash-lady bits. Is this normal? What could have caused this? Well, like she has hair lass on her elbows, did you say? Like she's got... Yeah, and butt-slash-slash-lash-lash-lash-lash-lash-lash-law. Yeah, so a lot of times if they're at those hunting camps for a long period of time, or if they're sleeping on like concrete or hard floors, they'll get elbow hygromas.

Will they lose their hair and some swelling there? And my guess it's probably happening along the back end too. Yeah. All of the dogs that we had when we were kids had that missing hair on the elbows because my dad kept up in the garage or out in a dog kennel. They all, they'd wear all that hair off by Roman, you know, rolling around on the concrete. Well, and it's like cool, too, on the garage floor and the basement floor.

Yeah, they do like it. It keeps them cool. But my guess is probably they didn't have much padding in the kennel. Yeah. You never know where people are going to go with this. This Q&A with Dr. Andrea. Oh, boy. That's right.

This cat owner is legitimately concerned. And they say there's really no other way to put this. They say they have a five-year-old cat who is masturbating. Um, okay. He needs and latches his mouth on a blanket. And then he's kind of kitty cat masturbates. I didn't know cats masturbates. Yeah.

Well, is he neutered? I mean, that would be the first thing I would do was neuter the cat. Uh, I'll see here. It's in here. Uh, he was, okay. I'll continue on. He Googled this issue. So the cat is like sucking on a blanket and kind of playing with itself.

He Googled this and it said it could be distress. I'm not entirely sure what he's doing, but I've been told it's a mating ritual. He was neutered early. My guess is he was weaned early too from his mom. So if they have like those suckling behaviors where they like suckle on blankets, that's usually that they were weaned too early from the mom. Why is he grabbing at himself at the same time?

Yeah, well, and I don't know how he can grab at himself at the same time. He says he kind of curls his spine and this is all very troubling. Yeah, it sounds very. I would make sure he was appropriately neutered and there's not a testicle hiding somewhere in his abdomen. Because that sounds, but to me it sounds like behavioral versus hormonal. Okay. Yeah. Like I said, we go in all directions around here.

Chats are weird. Yeah, they are. They're strange. Ashley's dog is a stuffed animal humper. Is he still doing that? Yeah, he will if he gets a chance to. Yeah, he's still not neutered. We've been trying to get it done.

And then I made an appointment. We missed the appointment. So who knows? I'll tell you, though, I bet if you neuter him, he'll still do it. Yeah? Yeah, because either it becomes a learned behavior or it's more of like him trying to be dominant over something and not necessarily, it's not necessarily hormonal.

I think it's a dominant thing because he's like the bitch in our house. And I think, yeah. Every once in a while, he just needs to feel like he's alpha. Jeremy got knocked off his throne, huh? Yeah, yeah, he did. So that thing you said about them, like, suckling or doing yada yada to blankets because they were weaned too soon. How long would they continue to do that? Is that like a life-time thing?

Okay. I've always wondered that because one of my dogs, the mom was very aggressive and like wouldn't let them wean anymore. Yeah. And he does that kind of stuff. Yeah, they'll do it for the rest of their life usually. That kind of makes me sad. a border collie who used to suck the owner's thumb. Oh, really?

Oh my God, that's so sweet. Yeah. No kidding. Yeah, at night, they'd sit on the couch and the guy would stick his thumb out and the border collie would just suck his mouth. See, I've seen cats do that kind of thing. Never seen a dog do it. Skull bitch's Jesus said, my cat, Sir Pounce, has goop in his right eye. Would some

drops do the trick, or do we look at a vet visit? Well, if he's squinting, he's rubbing it, I'd worry about like an ulcer. But cats can get those viral infections that are like in their system. And then when they get stressed, it can come out and they can get ocular discharge. Also, you guys, this week alone, the amount of allergy cases I have seen is insane. Yeah.

So it's all ragweed season too. So it could be that. Oh, my brother's dog has crazy allergies right now. And I've never seen it like this on a dog where like the whole top of their nose is all raw. Yeah, they're just red. And how do you get them to stop licking that area? I mean, it's not like you can put like a little cone on their nose, right? You usually have to do like oral medications.

Oh. Yeah, oral allergy drugs. I do think it's funny when dogs sneeze. It's cute. Isn't it cute? It's like a Nick sneeze sometimes where it's just so violent. Oh, like the reverse sneezing too. That's fun.

Oh, the reverse sneezing. Oh, I've heard about that. You're right, Josh. It is funny when dogs sneeze, but only every time. Only every time. Especially because sometimes they're looking around like, who just did that to me. Yes, that's the best part. And when they rattle off a couple in a row like,

Humans do sometimes, that's just the best. Cute. We are jaw jacking with Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital. Our number is 651-9-89-933. If somehow you want to squeeze your way in and ask a question about your beloved house bet. Now, here's a cat who has seizures. Is it okay for that cat to enjoy cat-nip? Yeah.

That's totally fine. Yeah. Let him enjoy life a little bit. Yeah. I didn't know if that would cause his kitty to bust a spring or what. It shouldn't. It might help, honestly. Yeah.

A little dope? Yeah. Always does me good. This person has a three-year-old kitty with an underbite, but now he seems to be missing some of his bottom-front teeth. Should I be concerned? Got into a scrap. Where'd those teeth go?

Well, if he has a pretty significant bad bite or maleclusion, my worry is he's worn him down. You should probably get on for a dental procedure, or at least have the vet look at him if he'll let you look at his mouth and not take your fingers off. Yeah. Oh, hip dysplasia comes into play. A little jackapoo, just over a year old.

She was diagnosed with hip dysplasia. She's scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning. Okay, well, that's good. What's the likelihood that this jackapoo will have further issues with that hip? Is there any prevention I should consider moving forward, and should I be worried about her other joints? Well, hip dysplasia, as you guys know, is like a tail is old as time, right? Like every golden retriever when I was a kid had some form of hip dysplasia.

They're trying to like breed it out of dogs, but unfortunately we still see it. Usually if you do like the surgery to help with hip dysplasia, they're going to feel better. They're still going to have arthritis though as they get older. So you might have to consider joint supplements and anti-inflammatories. And if the other hip looks good, then you're probably in the clear. but it doesn't make them more susceptible to other problems. Okay. Yeah.

No, good luck. A little Jacapo running around the house. Purple Belt Jesus has a one and a half year old Malinwa. Oh, pretty. Has a growth on his back. Not bloody, no pus. Vets said it was nothing a few months ago, but it keeps getting bigger. What could it be and should I be worried and should I bring them back?

I mean, even if they're benign, they can still grow. And some of those benign cysts will rupture and they're gross. So you might need to have it, you know, the dog sedated and surgically removed, and then it's gone. You don't have to deal with it. This is a lady who once pulled 27 tampons out of the stomach of a dog. But you referred to the, what was it again as gross? The cysts? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just can't. At this point, you've been doing it for so long. I'm just surprised to hear you describe anything as gross. I would imagine you can handle anything at this point. Well, you guys will laugh. We had a pharmacy lunch the other day, a talk for the staff. when we're all eating pizza, and the talk was on ticks and tapeworms. Oh, my goodness.

And New World Screw Worm, which is basically maggots. These flies drop these maggots, and they cause these just like horrible wounds. Sure could go for some pizza. And it's been eradicated in the U.S. for a long time. Well, now it's back. Jesus. It's coming up through South America. You're trying to choke down some godfathers.

We all were just like, Can we not talk shop until we're eating pizza? It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93X half-ass morning show. Yeah. We live in a world, or at least we live in a country, where suddenly the Chihuahua is the number one dog breed in the United States. Some of you can handle it.

Some of you cannot. We have a guest this morning, Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital, and she's taking your questions about your house pets. And by the way, we have a big announcement to make at the ass end of the show. Please, Cubby, don't let me forget, this big announcement at the ass end of the show. I got you. Dr. Andrew, you got a few more questions. Can you handle a few more?

I love it. Rapid fire. You've been whooping ass so far. Here's a story about a little pug who had a stroke. About a year ago, he was fine after some men. medication. But yesterday he woke up very lethargic, shaky, hind legs weren't quite right. The vet prescribed gabapentin. Is that the route you would have taken in that situation? Well, it's hard to tell. I mean, gabapentin helps with like nerve pain and helps with anxiety. It causes a little sedation. Some dogs get something, older dogs get something called old dog

vestibular disease or peripheral vestibular disease. We wouldn't know the difference. But they get like, their world gets twisted. Their eyes start to move. They start to kind of fall over. They're spinning. And sometimes they'll get through it and feel fine. They're just nauseous because they're spinning.

So that could be it too. I don't know how much Gabba will help with that. It's worth a try. That sounds kind of scary. I mean, it's scary to see. Yes. I witnessed it once, the best girl in the whole world. Megan Marie, our old Springer Spaniel.

Suddenly her eyes were swimming around in her skull and she was stumbling all over. The vet described it as a stroke. She lived, but it was, but my God, it was frightening. I thought for sure she was just going to drop dead. And it comes on super fast. It's a very similar question from Fun Size Jesus. She has a neurology appointment on Friday,

her very sweet, 10-year-old golden. And she wanted to know, is this common with older Goldens? They had a stroke is what the vet believes. She's eating but kind of still running into stuff. Yeah, I mean, I worry a little bit about Golden's because there's a lot of other things they can get besides the vestibular stuff. They are unfortunately susceptible to a lot of different cancers, things like that. So it's good you're going into the neurologist and they might recommend like a CT scan of the head. So just so you're aware, be prepared.

This is funny. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there's not much you can do to help this listener, but just, I got to chuckle out of the text message because I've seen this in person. My one-year-old cat kicks almost all of the litter out of her litter box every time she goes and uses the bathroom. I love that bit. They can be so messy. Get a covered litter box.

There you go. They've tried a couple of things, tried different boxes, this and that. We have a covered one where there's just like a little area that she can go into. And I call it her home. But I imagine if we didn't have that, it would be a disaster because I hear her in there just banging the head. heck out of stuff. What are you doing? I had a cat once and it looks back at you

as if it's saying, you like that, huh? You dig that? Makes a total mess. That's fun. Candy sheezes, my five-year-old Boston Terrier started having loose stool Sunday turned into diarrhea Monday, still has it. She's been passing bright red blood as well.

Tried fasting, bland diet, a dose of marshmallow root. Wow. Nothing's helping. She had no appetite Monday, but has been hungry since, didn't eat anything out of the ordinary over the weekend that I saw. Can I give her a modium or should I bring her to the vet? I bring her in. It's been long enough.

I mean, we see a lot of blood and stool from stress too. So if like kids are going back to school or teachers going back to work, they get stressed and they'll have bloody diarrhea. Yeah. Marshmallows come from the ground? Yeah, I'm not sure if that's helping. Might be hurting. So maybe stop that.

Yeah. I like to put them on banana. splits. A little bit of marshmallow root. It's my secret. Forklift chili Jesus. He found a baby squirrel at work. Oh, cute. What's he say now?

Careful. It was in the trash. What the hell's the matter with you guys? Is there someone somewhere they can bring the squirrel? Or should they let nature take its course? I mean, you can bring it up to Wildlife Rehab

in Roseville. They take anything and everything that's wild. they will either rehab it and get it back out or unfortunately humanely euthanize it. So it's not tortured. My family should have done that when we found little baby squirrels. We should have brought them somewhere. Josh, who the hell throws away a perfectly good baby squirrel? I love that.

They're cute, too. Yeah, they are. They're killers. Yeah, at least the females are. We brought a baby squirrel to Woodlake Nature Center when we were kids. I ran over one with my bike. Oh, did I cry? Oh, no.

I cried for a long, long time. You were transporting the squirrel and then you accidentally ran it over with your bicycle? No, that's how I found it. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were right over it. Trying to save it and then the end you killed it. What happened to it? Well, I don't know.

It was okay. My mom knew enough to bring it there and they were like, don't worry, we got you, pal. Your mom knows where to bring it. And then I saw, they just, they took a slingshot and slingshoted him into a dumpster. What the hell is? Wow. Or maybe I miss you. Your stories don't normally end that way.

Yeah, that's usually kind of how years go. That was shocking. We get something like that at least once a month where it's like, I found this duck. It's wings broken. We sent him over to Roseville. Yeah. It's nothing we can do. I would like to be in the waiting room at your place there to see someone.

Yeah, it'd be pretty interesting. What's the weirdest animal somebody's brought in? Oh, gosh, we've had an owl. We had an owl. That's awesome. Which was so cool because they're so cool looking. We've had ducks. We've had squirrels.

I mean, I've had a fox. Oh, really? Yeah, I spayed a fox recently, which was kind of fun. Oh, yeah, I think I remember this. Somebody brought in a broken duck. Yeah, I mean, geese all the time. You're like, we can't do anything with this. A roastmaster Jesus said the appropriate response for finding a baby squirrel is you fire it into a crock pot with some cream of mushroom soup.

Disgusting. What's wrong with you? Cream of mushroom soup. Stop that right now. Swimming around in cream of mushroom soup. We've got to get going here in a minute. Boy does this sound like fun. Here's a listener who's got a couple of goats.

Ooh, I love goats. Okay. I knew that about you. So I figured you'd enjoy this. I have two adult male goats, and they're super horny. Hmm. They try to mount the baby goats, so dude's got to get in the middle of that. Neuter?

The adults are also peeing on their own faces. is this normal? Yeah, that's so normal, and they are so destructive and they're messy. Yeah. They are. And I make sure that you'd get them neutered or castrated if they aren't unless you're breeding them, but or separate them from the babies. But they can be nasty.

You love goats. I love goats. Yeah. My kids want goats. They eat buckthorn. Oh, there's a place that rent some money. You can rent them and they will eat all your buckthorn. They will literally eat.

eat everything. That was really cool about having goats. They are very destructive, but they usually come off so sweet. I agree with that. Oh, dude, a little maniacs. I had a client that had goats, and I had to go over there and saw the horn that was digging into the skull. I literally brought like a hand saw. Oh, God.

Because it was growing into the skull. That's not good. That's crazy. They're so weird. They are weird, and their eyes are weird. The way they poop is weird. Yeah, they're strange. We're getting some, a lot of people know exactly what you're talking about,

some of these places, these rehab places. Someone here says there's a really good restaurant right next to the wildlife rehab. So good. Somebody else said you should try their food truck. It's excellent. What the heck, dude? That ain't right. Stop it, guys.

Dr. Andrea, thank you for everything. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for taking the time, I should say. You've got a busy day. We know it. Tell the kids good luck next week at school. Before we go, we got to let folks in on our latest border back. The Half-Ass Morning Show is heading back across the Godforsaken Cheddar Curtain.

And this year, the big party is going to be in the afternoon. Finally. We've been asking for this for a while. Yeah, I cannot believe it's actually happening. We've been asking for this for a while. This will be our fifth annual Brotherhood Border Bash. Again, at St. Croix Casino Turtle Lake. That's October 9th and 10th.

October 9th and 10th. Write that down. our next border bash at Turtle Lake Casino. It says here, join Nick, Cubby, Danil, and the Smash, along with, of course, our wonderful listeners, the brother and sisterhood, for a very special live afternoon broadcast. I've never broadcasted in the afternoon, not once in 30 years.

Me neither. Outside of, I guess, a weekend shift. I don't know if that counts. Oh, I suppose, yeah, you used to do some. This is going to be so weird. Our first ever afternoon broadcast in the sports book at Turtle Lake Casino, Friday, October night, starting at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I wonder if we do... Do we know how to do this in the afternoon?

There's no way I do. You know, it's weird. I'm nervous about it. It's much better than, you know, people having to wake up so early, but I am a little nervous. Like, what if we screw that up? Yeah, I'm nervous. But this is wonderful. We don't have to get up at the crack at dawn Friday morning like we've done in the past.

The wonderful people who join us don't have to get up in the middle of the friggin' night to see our stupid radio show. We'll throw it into the afternoon somewheres and don't expect much of an effort. Now there's also going to be a lunch buffet, a happy hour, this and that. Book a room now, you bastards. Go to 93x.com for all the information. We're headed towards our next border bash. Yeah, I like the improvements. I'll call them not just changes but improvements.

Yeah, it'll be fun. Not only is it two-put-judge Jesus is Friday. He's also his last day at the job. He said they can't make him care anymore, and he feels as free as I do me in my basketball shorts. That's how free he's feeling. Wow. Good luck to Rice County Bushlight.

Jesus headed to his first, and he says, hopefully last vasectomy today. Jesus. Dale, yeah, Jesus would like to shout out himself. Today's his F-off day until the Tuesday after Labor Day. Dude. Enjoy your time off. Godspeed.

Happy birthday. birthday to Saut Off Candyman Jesus, a member of the Tennessee Brotherhood from Homegrown Jesus. Happy belated 18th to Aubrielle, turned 18 yesterday from mom, tannid mama Jesus, who says, welcome to adulthood. It sucks, L.O.L. Never heard that name before. Aubriel? Aubreel. Never before. Happy birthday to Isabella, turning the big 06 from single dad Nan Jesus.

Happy anniversary to HBIC, Sheez is putting up with the original ass man Jesus for 38. years and a sexy shout out to hot sauna rocks Jesus from the one and only hot sauna rocks Jesus. 93X. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on to Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

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