93X Half-Assed Morning Show - K-Poo-90-Chew

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

Originally Aired January 14, 2026: I'll put three in you. Are you dead? Everything you wanna know about a booger wall.    Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

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We certainly hope everyone's feeling just great. And we thank you for stopping by the 93X half-ass morning show. Oh, Cubby, I've had a song locked into my head for two days. I can't shake it. A good one or a bad one? I don't know. I suppose it's all right. You tell me what's strange is, you know, normally I'd have to actually hear a song recently in order for it to torture me for a day or two. But I can guarantee you this. I can guarantee I haven't heard this song in years yet two days ago.

It upped and occupied my brain. It's a 30-year-old, maybe more than that, a 30-some-year-old print song, get off. Oh, yeah, sure. I know that one very well. In 23 positions in a one-night stand. Get off if you want my babies. Here I am. It's an old print.

I can't think of it. I can't shake it. My wife plays prints quite a bit around the house, so I know. Dirty prints? Oh, yeah. I'm familiar with his catalog. Even the real dirty stuff he wrote when he was still living in town. She listens to it.

Even the later stuff that nobody else listens to, she listens to. Now move your big ass round this way so I can. work on that zipper baby that's another that's another line that i remember from so i don't get it uh i promise you i haven't heard that song in in years and the last two mornings as soon as i got out the vehicle for whatever reason it hits me right when i get to work so yesterday and today when i exited my pickup to enter this miserable building the first thing i thought of was get off 23 positions in a one night get off if you want my babies here I am.

That happens to me all the time with certain songs. The one that's been just in my head constantly, and I love, I absolutely love it. You know I love jingles? The new Chris Lindahl jingle, I can't get enough of it. And I mentioned it to our boss the other day. He's like, dude, I love that song. He loved it too. You are a jingle slut.

I get him in my head all the time. My daughter's the same way. We both love jingles. She can sing any jingles from like ones that from 30 years before she was born. He knows all those. And I absolutely love them. And those in Christmas songs, for whatever reason, are always in my head to the point where my wife's concerned about me.

You could survive a playlist, right? That's what most folks carry around now, just a playlist in their pocket. You could probably survive the rest of your life with just a playlist of Christmas songs and product jingles. I bought a CD that was full of product jingles, maybe 20-some years ago. I think that's a sign of, I think that's a sign of psychosis. Probably. A little bit.

You love the new Chris Lindahl jingle. Yeah. I mean, you guys have heard me like kind of humming it over here. Well, I hear it every day, you know, obviously we play it during our show because, you know, we're tight with the man. And he sponsors this and that. I see you bouncing around in your chair when it plays on the radio. That's good stuff. It is good.

Tonight you're a star and I'm the big dipper. You don't know you don't know that song, huh Smashley? No. I suppose you were just a... I'm digging it though. You were just a wrinkle in the sheets when that some bitch came out. Also on my way in the front door, I noticed something this morning. And I was wondering if any of you folks noticed the same thing.

Is there a turd at our front door? Oh, yeah. Is it just to the right of it? Yeah. I think so, right? Oh, I didn't know. I thought it was maybe like a huge wad of chew at first. I haven't really inspected it.

But yeah, it does kind of look like a turd. I just choked out my coffee because I noticed that yesterday. Yeah, me too. Huh. What is that? This alleged turd has been here for over 24 hours and I haven't noticed it yet. Yeah, if you walk out the front door, it's on your left. Dana, would you mind running?

Yeah, I was going to say, can I go look? You haven't seen it yet. No. Run outside. Uh-huh. and tell us what you think. All right, I'll be back. I'm going to investigate. Yeah, if you're on the way out, like Ashley said, it's immediately to your left.

So I'm walking out of the door to the left. Okay. Talk amongst yourselves. Did a, so my, well, he'll give us a direct answer. Is this, is it a turd that's waiting outside our front door? So when I saw it this morning, my first couple of questions to myself were, did a critter? cut a turd on our front step or I don't think a human being dropped their pants and underwear's took it well I wouldn't have thought that either until today I saw a guy for whatever reason he blew his nose in the sink twice versus then he turned around and grabbed a paper towel

for something else you mean like the farmers blow yeah oh yeah and so he here here yeah just minutes ago and I thought well who else is in the building well some of the other radio stations here. So I was curious, like, well, you know where the paper towels are. You just grab them. Why wouldn't you have done that and eliminated the snot in the sink for the rest of us? So maybe he's the guy that pooped out there. Do I know this guy? Very well, yes. Farmers blow into the sink while you were in there taking a squeege? Right when I was, I was walking in. Oh, so maybe he didn't know you were there? Well, no, definitely not at first. Oh, okay. But he did it a second time.

I was going to, Chase, I missed it. The other question I had about the turd out front the door or the possible turd is, did a listener stop by, an unhappy listener stop by and throw a turd at our front door in a symbolic attempt to voice his or her disgust? That'd be bogus. It kind of looks to me like a big wad to chew. Dana's return. I return.

That's definite turd. Oh, it is. Now, how do you know definite turd? Well, I mean, I didn't get down, you know, right up and sniff it or anything, but it looks like a turd for sure. Okay. But thankfully, it looks like of the animal variety that doesn't necessarily look human to me. Yeah, we were, but when you, after you left, did you guys talk about that? After you left, we were talking about, is it possible that a human being dumped one naturally on our front step or possibly through one at the door out of disgust for our radio station?

So you're saying definitely a turd. Yeah, I took a picture of it. Oh, yeah. And also it looks like there's some smaller adjacent turds next to the one big one. Oh, I didn't notice that. Why don't you grab a paper towel? Go back out there. Grab a paper towel, pick it up and bring it in here.

No. Hey, you know what? Maybe if you're listening right now, check in on our Luther-Bloomington Keya tax line at 651-9-89-9-93. Help us name the turd. Might as well just embrace the turds out. there. It's our turd mascot. It's the first thing that greets an individual as they walk in the building. What's the one from South

Park? Towley. No. The Christmas poo? Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. Or no, no. Towley's the towel, which by the way. Mr. Hanking sounds right. Oh, man. Towley this year. Dude, he's getting it. He became a jizz rag.

Oh, no. Most recent season. Yeah. It's her a It affected him. He got a little bit he got some drugs. A good friend of my A good friend of my got some good great Towley pajamas. They're big and oversized just like Towley. They're effing hilarious. Oh, I saw a picture of that.

I want those. I bet. I'm surprised it took this long, and I can't believe I thought Towley was a turd, for Christ's sake. His name is Towley. It's in a towel, yeah. I can't believe it took this long for Towley to take a load, knowing how that South Park program operates. Yeah, maybe he has before, but this is the first time I remember it. Okay.

He was not. Cool with it. Name the turd. Josh would like you to name our... Oh, it's Mr. Hanky. Yeah. On South Park. Good job, Josh would like our listeners to name the turd

that currently lives directly out the front door of our building. We miss the obvious, by the way. There is a dog that comes in here almost every day. And maybe it's his turd. Or is it her, I forget. But maybe it's that dog's... That'd be the most likely culprit because the dogs here almost every day. I always see that dog in the grass, though.

But, yeah, I would think that the owner seems responsible, and I'd imagine he'd pick it up. And it looks too, I can't believe I'm saying this, it looks too smooth to be a dog. Some people are saying raccoon turds can look very much like a human. They can get that big? Wow. I guess I don't know. I guess I don't know. I'm not a fecal expert. A lot of douchebags are texted in saying we should name it Turdy McTurd face, just because they're trying to ruin my day right from the get-go. Pupa Roach?

Pupa Roach, Jesse Ventura, Pablo. Jesse Ventura. Timmy the turd. Half-ass morning turd? A lot of turd Ferguson's coming in. Nobody wants to go grab it? No. I mean, if you really want me to bring it in, I will.

I trust Dana. Dana sent me the picture. I do. Dana, you're saying that's a turd. It looks turd-like, yes. Yeah, it is. I'm going to go. I guess I don't have to see it. I wanted to inspect it a little closer maybe.

I have a picture. I can send you a picture. Are we allowed to post poop photos on 93th. I don't know. I'm unsure about that. That's one we'll maybe have to ask. Ashley's showing me the picture. It still kind of looks like a, like Josh said, in the picture, it still kind of looks like

a big, fat ass Wad of Codiac or something. That's what I thought it was. Just a giant chew. Well, what of that stuff next to it, though? That looks like a goose pooper. Yeah. I didn't expect it that close, I guess. But as a experienced tobacco chewer, Dana,

sometimes when you put in a real keeper, like a Rod Carew type, sometimes it does come out in pieces. Who's the youngest on the program? That would be Ashley. Ashley, go grab that turd. No, it does look in the picture. It looks like it's smeared a little, and so that's what makes me think it's not chew.

J.J. Tert Carthy? That's great. Jay, J. Turd, Carthy. Josh, one listener wants to name our radio station Turd, White Lions cover of Radar Love. Yeah, if that's Jake, I'm disappointed in him. He texts that a lot.

He doesn't like that song. It's silly, Jake. KQ90 Pooh. We can't say the last name here, but it's Brad and then rhymes with Pitt. I wish we could say it. Oh, sure. Can't do that. That's a good one.

It's killing. me. I got to know now. I think I have to know for sure. Do you want me to go grab it? I think I do. Josh, is this breaking company policy if Dana walks into the building with a fresh turd wrapped in a paper towel? No, I don't think so. I mean, it's kind of symbolic

of this building in a way. It really is. It's kind of very fitting that there's a turd right outside as you walk in. I have a bag you can put it in. I'm sure it doesn't have any smell to it anymore. No, it's frozen. It's for two days. frozen. It's been cold enough. All right, I'll go grab it, eff it. Yeah. What else?

Just barehand it, too. That's cool because I would have a serious problem with that. Once we figure it out, we can just flush it down the toilet. We're not going to kick it around the room. You know, we didn't. You can feed it to the dog. It isn't the old days where we can smear it

in an intern's face or anything. We had a boss that would play poop games. I mean, back in the day. Tell me about the poop games. Well, just things like, we remember there's infamously one of our jerkier bosses picked up dog poop bagged it and put it in a guy's mailbox out of anger spite turds that's right um there's another time he told me he's like hey grab this guy's car keys throw it in the toilet with a baby ruth to make him think that we threw his car

keys into a toilet with poop in it he liked poop games this particular guy yeah some people are into it uh i kind of wish randy shaver was on the telephone with us right now because he loves poo humor. He does. If we tell him about this later, he will be in stitches. He doesn't like to admit it, but he is the poo humor mayor of the West Metro. It gets him going. It does.

Here's somebody that says if we really want to figure this out, we have to defrost it and then smell it. We do have a microwave here. And I don't think it would make a difference. Bradley Pooper, another suggestion for our 93X turd. mascot. Yes. Book nerd Jesus said, Dana grabbing a turd. Not what I was expecting to hear when I turned the program on this morning.

Well, we didn't expect this to be a problem. You know, people are saying KQ90 poo. That's the way to go. That is very good. That's cute. They are in the same, if you didn't know, they are in the same building. But here's the thing. Maybe it's not.

And we'll find out for sure. Italian firefighter Jesus wants us to know if that's our holiday bonus. Yeah, that's about all we got. Yep. By the way, yeah, this Friday's our 2 p.m. Christmas part. Oh, that's this Friday. I will not be attending our 2 p.m. on a Friday Christmas party. Oh, he's bringing it in here.

I might be able to. Here comes Dana with the turd. That's when I sleep. Okay. Good Lord. Get that right up to your face. I'm sorry. All right, you want to know something really crazy as I'm looking at it right here in the

frigging building. Is it poo or is it a massive wad of chewing tobacco? I think the answer is both. Seriously, Dana. Yeah. I just said you couldn't hear me. The question is, is this a turd or is this a massive wad of chew? You brought it into the building.

It's both, isn't it? I think it is, yeah. It's freaking both. Somebody spits some chew out on. a turn or somebody pooped on some chew. Which is it? It's friggin' both. How is it layered?

What do you mean? Is it just one stacked on top of each other? The turds are kind of surrounding the chew. It looks like some type of animal poo surrounding a big wada chew. Yeah. Who else chews besides you? What the hell's going on outside of our building? I don't know.

What's going on inside of our building? Josh, it's like a shot. from a space station. The big chew is an island and the turds are war ships approaching. That's what it looks like an overhead shot of warships approaching an island. This is the most fascinating thing that's happened here all week. Dana brought it in on a cardboard, an opened up cardboard box,

almost like he was delivering me a pizza. It did look like that. I used some toilet paper that we had here in the studio to pick it up with my hand. And I put it on a cardboard box and delivered it basically on a platter. That's disgusting. You want to do something with that now? We have it. We haven't it. Josh, you want to take a quick look at it?

I'll trust you guys. Maybe if there's somebody who works in forensics that's listening, you'd be willing to take a look at this thing and we could really break it down. We might even be able to get some DNA off this thing. I mean, what other information do we need? Well, I want to find out for sure if that's what we're looking at. I'm telling you, Cubby, I promise you. Maybe there's an alternative that we're not aware of.

I promise you. Some dude spit out a big fat wad of, let me get a little closer. Oh, it was grizzly. Some dude spit out a big wad. This is a way I would break it down like you were hoping for, Josh. If I was a CSI investigator, this is what happened. happen? Because I've done this before with a friend of mine. Not dealing with chew and poop, but I've done other CSI-type investigations in my life. This is what happened. Dude,

wha, spit out a big water grizzly. It splatted down on the concrete. A critter walked by and pooed on the chew in a territorial move. You see what I'm saying, Josh? Yeah, I can You could see that, sure. The critter smelled the grizzly and said, no, no, no, this isn't your territory. It's mine. And so the critter pooed on, that's exactly what happened here. All right. So now that we are assuming it's a combination of chew, discarded chew and poop.

Yeah. And we're looking to name it. KQRS is a part of this company here. Fun size she just recommends, okay, then now we need to call it KPU 90 Chu. Yeah, that's perfect. That's brilliant. What a genius. Could that be our podcast title or is somebody going to get butt hurt about that?

Don't care. You're Jay Cutlering that one? If anyone gets butt hurt about it. Both radio stations could use all the attention they could get. Magic filmmaker Jesus recommends one of us use just dip it and see if we get a buzz. God dang. Well, Nick, you're probably immune, even poop chew buzz. So it'd have to be one of the rest of us.

Hey, can I get you sick off chewing tobacco again this morning? Ah, if you want. Really? I was kind of shocked the reaction I had to that. I didn't know that it was that powerful. I thought you were going to cack. Are cigarettes that powerful? Don't know.

I haven't smoked a cigarette since 1986. No, not as bad. Yeah, I had like basically a headache and I got the spins. Many, many years ago I gave Cubby some skull, and he almost went puky. Was it on the air type of thing? I don't remember. Yes, yes, it was. Were we really?

Yeah, that was our old building. There you go. Oh, yeah. People are suggesting now that we've got an answer, that we need to prank someone in the building with this combination of discarded grizzly chewing tobacco and raccoon turds. Nobody really works here, though, anymore.

Get in trouble for something like that. Yeah, nowadays, big time. Stupid. Can't go slide in somebody's mailbox? or something? Well, we easily could do that. Mm-hmm. Because I don't think anyone ever comes in here,

and if they do, they're not checking their mailbox. We'll have to make sure this doesn't make the podcast. This is pretty awesome. So they won't have the suspects? Yeah, we just admit to it. Like our colleagues listen to our podcast. Lunch Lady Guy Jesus said 93 excrement. That might be another good name.

Nice. Our poop mascot here. All of them. Great, great nicknames. wacky turdbucky By the way Dana people are recommending you go wash your hands Oh

The way Nick talks about You know he's mentioning he mummifies his hand When he's using the bathroom I did that to a whole different level At the amount of toilet paper I wrap my hand in Is that right? Yeah But yeah no I definitely should wash my hands

Or just in general I should wash my hands more often See Thomas Bowell Says Steelers fan, Jesus, another possible man. See Thomas Bowel. You guys are good. You're good. I suppose I should get this away from me. Yeah, could you?

It's making me uncomfortable. Are you uncomfortable? Folks are saying to run it through like Google or chat GPTAI to see a faking. It's not a bad idea. Just put it in the quarter of the room. Roll it through what? Just take a picture of it. And like we did yesterday with our photos to see who our choppelgangers were.

Or were chapel gangers of? Yeah, that's a good idea. We don't need to do anything. We don't need to investigate any further. I'm telling you what it is. And it's gross, but yet hilarious and perfect at the same time. Chat Sheptee thinks it's definitely a raccoon poop. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

B. Coon poop. Like you said. Okay, there's, I don't want to give away the Jesus name because I don't want them to get bitched at work. but they say they think they know who the culprit is that works very close to here. They believe that it's a co-worker of theirs because they don't do asset work. And she's a massive pile of crap. So Chet GPT has now got me concerned. So they confirm that it's definitely a raccoon poop.

And then it says important safety note, raccoon feces can contain roundworm, which is dangerous to humans and pets. You guys got roundworm. I'm really glad. I'd pick that up now. I'll tell you what. I would laugh pretty hard, Dana, if you came in here with roundworm. Yeah.

Not knowing anything about roundworm. I wouldn't be able to hold it back. Outside if I've heard of it. How bad is round, ask how bad that is. I'm looking now. That's just, I don't want to know. I had this park next to me for five minutes. What did you do with it?

The worms crawled on you. I just put it way over here on the floor. Ski. Great. Now I'm going to be. nervous all day long that I've caught vomiting diarrhea that's fine this is great death there's death on there well all right here's the deal you already have roundworm you got to come get this and bring it back outside yeah you can't get roundworm twice on the same day yeah josh is right

abdominal pain nausea vomiting diarrhea weight loss respiratory signs like coughing wheezing or bloody mucus Fever fatigue Well the good news is It's been sitting outside for two days Yeah I think we should be okay Yeah I mean they get like deadly viruses They freeze those

So to prevent people from getting too sick You'll be fine Some severe cases cause Some severe cases cause blockage or vision loss Oh my gosh Way to go Dana You this is all my idea You freely agreed to it

As a matter of fact I think you volunteer As far as anyone's concerned, you volunteered. I just touched my eye with my bare hand. I think I'm going to die soon. I've got hand sanitizer over here. Why? Can I take that and take a bath with it? It's 25 cents a squirt.

It's been really exciting. It really has. All right. What else is going on? Oh, later on this morning, we'll be talking to Marcus Felino of the man, bear pigs. Haven't talked to Marcus, I think, since around Christmas. Right?

So hopefully he still feels like, you know, getting involved. We'll talk to Marcus, Randy Shaver. Oh, Jesus, people are saying if ringworm is going around the building now, we better give some of that to Cubby. Weight loss is. Oh, roundworm? What did I say? Ringworm.

I'm sorry, if roundworm is the thing, and it causes weight loss, you better pass that on to Josh. Shop up to the line and have you snored it. My grandma said I was big bone and husky. Big fat bottom. You got hanging off of you. All right. We will take our first break of the morning.

When we come back, we'll hit up that stupid news. Appreciate you listening to the Half-Ass Morning Show. The 93X Half-Azed Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should, too.

An AC tuneup means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints.

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That's been an interesting morning so far, hasn't it, Josh? Yeah, the unexpected has happened. It's been fun. After you're just tuning in, this morning, we found raccoon turds and a discarded wad to chew. Like a, I mean, a wad of chew that would bring Hank Williams Jr. to a knee. Discarded right outside the front door of our building. So we miss a lot, I guess, when we leave. here in the morning. Raccoon turds and a big fat shoe.

You know, there are some days where a topic will come up where I think, well, I didn't in a million years think I'd expect to talk about that on the radio today. But this one kind of takes it a whole new level. I didn't expect to go scoop up a fat wad at shoe and raccoon poop outside on the sidewalk. We knew it was your destiny. You guys saw this coming for a while now. You were destined to do this. Dana went and fetched it, we inspected it, and came to that conclusion.

We miss a lot. We should start sticking around a little later in the day. It does remind me of that day Josh and I, what the hell are we doing? Oh, yeah, we were meeting at a bar one day, Josh and I. I got there first and sat down at the bar, ordered a Steve Weiser, and Josh walked in five minutes later with this big fresh. human turd in his hand. And he says, where's the manager? And the manager says, that's me right here.

And Josh says, what kind of place are you running here? Look what I almost stepped in. You were furious. Well, yeah, it would have to be wiping off my shoe. That's gross. There's germs on that thing. Nobody likes stepping in poop. What kind of joint are you running here, he says?

They got you a free drink, didn't it? Yeah, sure did. Yeah. Our old building guy's girlfriend, a coworker's girlfriend, threw up right in front of the front door. And sadly, another coworker slipped. It was middle of winter, I should say, it froze. Oh. Somebody slipped in the throat.

We had a name for it. I don't even know if I can say it anymore, but it frozen was in there and puke was in there. And then there was a derogatory term in there. And so somebody slipped on that thing, and they like bruised their coxist or something like that. Oh, no. That's not right. Yeah, I saw a guy.

end up in the hospital with stitches because he slipped on a frozen puke pile out on Lake Minnetonka when we were ice fishing in high school. It was my wife's puke. Oh, really? My wife and I, my wife and I go all the way back to high school. We've known each other for 38 years or whatever at this point. But this is when we were just hanging out together in high school.

And we're out ice fishing. North Arm, that's for your Lake Minnetonka people. Out ice fishing on North Arm. And we're chewing tobacco in the fish house, high school kids, smoking those stupid swisher sweets, drinking beer. And these chicks came out to visit us. One of them was my future wife. And they wanted to try chew.

Hey, let me try that chew. So we gave them codyack and skull, whatever we had. My future wife stepped outside the fish house, and threw up all over the damn place from the chewing. tobacco. Fast forward an hour. One of my buddies is full of southern comfort. He steps outside the fish out to take a squeege. He slips in her puke and cut the living hell out of the palm of his hand. Oh, geez. And they get stitches in the palm of his.

Yeah, the instance that our old building was just a bruised butt and a bruised ego. That's all they got. And, you know, we were looking for a name. We asked the brother and sisterhood to come up with a name of this chew poop combination here at our building, which also houses Love 105 and K-U-R-S. And so fun-sized she just came up with K-Poo-N-D-Choo. Yeah. So so far, that's the nickname for our poop-slash-chewing tobacco mascot. I just thoroughly enjoyed about 30 seconds ago, Josh, when you said out loud, poo-chew combination.

I'll remember that. All right, on to the stupid news. We go. I don't know about the rest of you is, but I still get confused when I hear someone. one make a comment about a Stanley Cup and it doesn't have Dick Ola to do with the National Hockey League. I'll tell you what, when those were all the rage and people were fighting over them at targets

and stuff like that, just like you, I didn't get it either. I'd never heard of a Stanley Cup outside of hockey. So I was confused too. Like, were they selling them? I don't understand. I'm very familiar. Were you before the craze? Yeah.

They're crazy expensive, right? Yeah. Are they any different than your standard, just type of? thermist-style mug? No, it's like the one I have here, and this is a Bass Pro Shops one, and it works perfectly fine. I don't really get it. I mean, some of the designs are pretty cool when they come out with, like, holiday additions. It's just the brand. You want to show off that you have the cool brand. Yeah. My mom had one before. They were cool, so. Oh, she's a hipster. Uh-huh. That's not a hipster thing, is it? I thought a hipster had it after it was cool. Yeah, I thought the,

I was thinking of like the, you know, like, oh, I saw them back when this band was playing at a small venue before they sold out. Yeah, you're right. If you have that attitude. Hipsters like to claim something before it becomes a thing. Yeah, okay, yeah. You're right. Whatever.

I get lost a few years ago this certain plastic water jug hit the market. They call it a Stanley Cup. It gets me turned around, Cubby. I don't understand how one water jug could be any better than the next. and they're expensive, you say. Like the one in this story here is like 60 bucks. Oh. I don't get it.

As long as I can get the water to fall into my yap when I turn it upside down, what the hell do I need a certain brand name water jug for? But it doesn't matter. But it comes into play here for stupid news story. Oh. A 29-year-old woman's. somewhere's down in the southern United States. She was arrested on a misdemeanor charge.

She goes by the name of Ariana. Don't you know? Word is Ariana allegedly stole a co-workers 40-ounce Stanley Drinking Cup. It was a $60 cup. It was used. You know, it was being used. It wasn't a brand new cup, if that means anything to you. Her coworker drank from it every day.

Ariana liked the looks of it, so she allegedly stole it. She was caught on her workplace security cameras, grabbing the jug, firing it into her lunchbox and then leaving out the building with it. The story says it was no accident. Ariana, Ariana, whatever the hell I'm saying, I don't know. Ariana made it known at work how much she admired her co-worker. Stanley water jug. That's weird.

She'd even talked about it out loud, and here's what she said. A coworker claims that Ariana once pointed to the cup and said, that cup would be great to hold my breast milks. Wow. Which is an interesting comment to make on the job. Yeah. She's very specific there. Usually private bodily functions aren't brought up during casual work conversation like

Like a dude saying, hey, you see Donnie's stocking cap over there? Yeah. Well, that'd be perfect to wipe my ass with when I'm out deer hunting. You know what? Sounds like once the heat was on, Ariana simply chose to get the F out. After her arrest, she quit her job. There's no word on if she ever returned the drinking jug

or if Ariana ever squirted her boob milk into it. To just buy a cup. Well, this, like this chick disappeared. The cops are looking for, they're trying to figure out what happened. Are they really looking for it? Yeah. Now you don't have a job? What's going on?

So, yeah, I was wondering. Originally, I thought she meant kind of she was pumping, like Ashley, you know, does, and she wanted to store it in the Stanley Cup. But then I was wondering, maybe she's somebody who drinks it. You know, you hear sometimes from weightlifters or people to talk about all the health benefits of it. And you can buy it, right, Ashley? Yeah, you can. Like the guys that are big power.

Did your brother ever do that? He's big into powerlifting. Yes, my brother was and unfortunately still is into powerlifting. I never heard him say word one about boob milk. Yeah, I know one guy that did. And, you know, he was talking about how all the benefits that came from. I don't care if it got me into the Olympics. I'm not drinking boob milk.

The hell is a matter with you. I don't think I'd try. I can't believe the police are looking for this woman over stealing a $60 drinking. Well, they're concerned that she's disappeared. They're like, well, what happened to this late? It's a little odd. Oh, well, she quit her job. They can't find her.

Okay. Ah, man. All right. Come on. If there's anything I can do to put a stop to this nightmare from continuing, just tell me. Because I've grown awful. tired of this effing song and dance.

Some dude in China, and it's almost always a dude, he came hobbling into the hospital, he needed help on the double because he had gone ahead and pushed a big fat potato up into

his corn pocket. Baked or raw? Raw. He pushed a potato up his can. some tater-toots up there. I guess it could have been like a fingernail potato. No, no, no, no, Ashley, just hang on.

You got to see the x-ray. I don't know what you just said, but I assume that a fingerling is a very small potato. Yeah. Uh-uh. Nah? No. No. I mean, what are we orangutans?

Do orangutans or chimpanzees even do this, Josh? No. I don't know. That's a good question. Are there animals? I mean, we've certainly heard animals we'll use. use things as sex toys. What do you mean?

Wasn't it, what used a turtle, was it a monkey or something that used a turtle as like a fleshlight of some sort? I can't remember. No, I can't either. It does sound familiar. A frog. Oh, no. Some animal was using another animal as a sex toy. But yeah, I don't know that we've ever talked about an animal keistering something.

Why do we continue to do this to ourselves? I saw the x-ray and now I can just guess what kind of potato it is. Oh, is that right? I'll try to fill you in, and I'm not trying to be cute with that. Even if orangutans and chimpanzees do shove potatoes and random items up their cans, I bet we outnumber them. Do you know what I mean by that? Yeah.

I bet the human cases of this far outnumber the ape numbers. Why, I have no idea. this effin obviously disturbed Chinese feller he's 61 years old I'm guessing this isn't this is not his first anal rodeo but he went a little too far this time it says here he picked a real keeper as far as potatoes go he went with a seven incher seven inches long three inches around and damn near every little bit of that spud was lodged in this poor guy's mud trumpet.

So here we go again. It's usually one of two answers when these effing guys are asked what happened. It's either it was an accident or the other answer, I was bored. This Chinese guy, I guess, went with both. He told one doctor that the potato... He told one doctor that he bombed his own spokes

with a potato out of boredom, he told another doctor, I don't know what happened. It was an accident. So he went both routes. He said he blasted himself with this potato and then he faded off to sleep, he said. Passed out.

With it up there. We just... Yeah. You wake up. What's that feeling? Oh, right. I don't know about you, Josh. But if I potato my back door, I'm wide awake. Yeah, I'm going to make sure I get that out of there before I doze off.

I would be unable to sleep with that sensation. As you mentioned, he probably has experience. Yes. You know, so maybe this is nothing to him. He faded off to sleep soon after he woke up and he wasn't feeling quite right. He got down into the catcher's position to try to haul it out manually. That never works. It didn't.

I said that like I know from experience. Yeah, I was just trying to figure that out. Like, hmm. He sat down on the throne and tried to poo it out. No dice there either, and that's when he upped and limped his sorry carcass over to the hospital. Those poor doctors. Those poor bastards. They didn't sign up for that.

They tried some interesting tactics too. Now, I'm not sure what the hell they exactly did, but it says here they tried something to, quote, break up the potato. But it didn't work. I don't know, a pack of firecrackers or what did they use to try to break? The story also tells me they attempted to grab the dirty potato with a wine bottle opener. Oh, that's smart. I don't know what a wine bottle opened. Did they mean like a corkscrew?

They just say wine bottle opener. I've never had a wine bottle in my life, so I'm not sure what that is. Yeah, I can twist that thing into the potato and maybe pull it out. That's smart. I can picture the corkscrew gimmick. That's dangerous. Yeah, you've got to be very delicate, obviously.

So you think they drove a corkscrew into it and then pulled like hell? Yeah, I don't know if there's another, I've never heard, wine bottle opener. Well, it didn't work. And that's when they knew they had to get the sharpest knife in the drawer. and fillet this guy. They got it out of there. He's going to live. Until next time.

Yeah, I'm sure you're right. There will be a next time. He'll try it again. Maybe with one of those fingerling potatoes you were talking about, Ash. Yeah, go a little bit smaller. Good advice. But this just keeps going on and on and on and on.

And it's got me aggravated. doctors in the god-awful United Kingdom. All right. They had to warn people to ignore an old wives tale that said pushing a frozen potato up your devil's bottle cap was a cure for piles. And I don't know what piles is. Hemorrhoids.

I think that's what they call them over there. Oh, piles are hemorrhoids. So there was a stretch of time in the United Kingdom. where people believed that if you pushed a frozen potato into yourself, it would cure your hemorrhoids. And this website that had this terrible advice got very specific. It said, insert the frozen potato in your anus and leave it inside for 30 seconds. Repeat the process for three to five days.

And doctors had to step up and say, no, no, no, don't do that. If this was on TikTok, every preteen in America would give it a shot. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you're right about that. So, I don't know. I don't know what we can do. People just keep jamming different bizarre things in their doo-do puss. Seems like a popular pastime for some folks.

You've got to have like a spotter or a buddy help you out. Or tie a string to some of this stuff. Yeah, string. Definitely. Spotter's a good idea. When the hang and whack first became a thing, that was what I always heard from my buddies. Get a spotter. All right, this one's going to be difficult for a guy like me.

And I don't know what some of you are going to say. You had no problem getting through the potato in the bee hole. This is different. It's hard for me to even say the word out loud. I'll get it out of the way. Go ahead. I'm sorry? Go ahead.

Boogers. There. I said it. What were you saying now? I was just going to say I don't have a problem really with boogers, but this one even got me. Yeah. This is horrible. Yeah.

This is absolutely horrible. Boogers, I'll make it clear again. I'd rather you walk into a room and present me with your freshly severed limb than show me a booger. I can't handle it. It's part of the reason why I hate all of your children. Yeah, that makes sense. To me, boogers are just the most disgust. So this year is just really bad.

Some dude told a supposedly true story about himself on the godless internet. Something about what they call here his childhood booger wall. That's so gross. Did you hear what I? Childhood booger wall. So here goes. Apparently when this dude was a kid, he would tear. cargo out of his nose portals and wipe it on the wall. In his bedroom, I imagine, I don't know.

The specifics aren't there, but I think we can all safely assume he wasn't doing this in the hallway. He was doing it in his bedroom. After several years, his parents must not be very attentive, but after several years, dude said he had accumulated so much booger material on the wall. It was pert near eight foot wide. That is so nasty. God help us, please. He said one day he fell backards up against the now spiky, hardened,

booger wall and it ended up cutting his back and shoulders for him. Like falling into the spiky pit in Mortal Kombat. This is not, not okay. My stomach does not feel good. Yeah, I really don't enjoy this. He fell into his

Jurassic booger wall and it cut him. Stop. This is awesome. That doesn't seem possible. That's They get hard, man Now, Dana, you're an interesting guy

But you never had a childhood Bougar wall No, no, I've done some weird things in my life I've never had a buggar wall I remember when The Mary Jane girls sang to us about Or was that, no,

Sheena Easton sang to us about her sugar walls Do you remember that one, Josh? Yeah, that was dirty. Come and hang out in my sugar walls She said Sheena Easton one of the most scorching hot creatures that ever blessed this planet.

At any rate, I thought it might be a good idea to Josh to distract for a minute there. Maybe someone or another who knows Sheena Easton could think about her beauty instead of this horror show that I'm... So, dude falls into his bugger wall. A week later, he's in the hospital with a severe staff infection. I say it serves him right for being a disgusting animal. There's a couple of parents who have, I won't out him, but who have texted and said their kid, they found a, their kid had a bugger wall.

That would no longer be my property. That child would no longer belong to me. I would turn him into, where do you turn a kid in? Fire station. Yeah, fire station. So this dude with the booger wall story, he goes on to say the doctors had never seen anything like his situation before. they had to go to his house and take samples from the booger wall to test it.

They were wearing hazmat suits because the level of bacteria and whatnot coming off this wall was dangerous. It made this dude sick as balls. The bacteria from the wall got into his blood or whatever. He lived to tell the tale. I wish he wouldn't have, but he lived. live to tell the tale. And he says, quote, now I know the risks that come with booger walls. Parents keep an eye on your kids, he said, oh, shut up.

You've said enough. And after all, you're my booger wall. Dang it. Now, anytime I hear that song, that's all we're thinking of. Don't go to Minnesota United game. Oh, they play that quite a bit. They sing that song when they win. Well, you saved me.

I'm canceling my season ticket. I was going to say, I can't picture you in a soccer match, but just be mindful of it in case you end up there as your kids or something. Nick, you find out your kid has a booger wall or he stuck a root vegetable up his back door? Which one are you more disappointed in? Booger wall. I'm like I already explained. It's the ultimate evil to me. I'm turning that one in.

I've never, ever heard anything like that before. That was so horrible. So horrible. What does this text message say? God, help us all. C.F.H. Bass player, Jesus. He texted in to say when his grandma checked out, they were cleaning out her apartment,

and every table in the living room had boogers plastered to the underside. What is wrong with people? I don't know. This person says I worked at a VA hospital. One of the lab tax had a booger wall. He would take his breaks and make phone calls and white boogers on the wall. I think you should be placed, I think you should be instantly placed, immediately placed against your will in an insane asylum. Yeah, you can kill them if you want to.

I would say 10% of walls above urinals have some sort of booger on it, which is pretty nasty. Because you're face-to-face with that. Yeah, there was one that lived at the American Legion in Wizzetta for about 40 years. It was only recently painted over. They live right above the pisser at the Wise Ed of Legion for about 35, easily 35 years. And I don't blame the staff for never wanting to come anywhere near it. I get tired of wiping dog slobber off our walls. I'll tell you that much.

They shake their heads and dogs slobber and stuff goes everywhere. Oh, and those are big dogs too. Honestly, it's like a weekly thing you have to do. There's boogers involved. Before we get out of here, and we got to get out of here, I got to go vomit. Yeah, it's pretty nasty. Someone pump my stomach or something. Between booger walls and raccoon poop, we've had a hell of a day so far.

Yeah. For those of you who get into apps and that whole routine on your cellular telephone, apps, you know what I mean? Yeah. There's a hot new app that everyone's trying out. It's called, Are You Dead? And it's rising up the U.S. charts, as they say. Word is the app is turning your fears of dying on. alone into a big moneymaker.

So here's the gimmick. Are you dead? If you subscribe, asks you to tap a large confirmation button every day to signal that you are still alive. If you fail to check in for two days in a row, the app automatically calls your pre-selected emergency contact to let them know that you might have dropped dead. People who dig this app say it's perfect For those of us who live far away from their family

Or people who live alone One user said They worry that if they died alone No one would know or retrieve their body Oh, they'll find you After the smell hits your neighbor's place Yeah, they'll get there eventually Or your fluid starts seeping through the floor of your apartment

And dripping down into the one below you They'll find you This is hilarious, too. Josh, you know how sensitive some folks are these days. We're so fragile these days. Some folks have complained that the name of the app is just too scary. The app again is named. Are you dead?

These people are saying, what if my child sees that? And then I have to explain life and death. So these dorks are asking the company to change the name to, are you okay? That's so lame. So on the Are You Dead app, if there's a yes, no, and inside, I'm going inside every single time. Oh, dead? On the outside, no.

Put on the inside, yes. Yes. So there you go. That's the latest little app you can spend your money on. We've got to take a break. We'll check that sports report next. If that isn't an indication of how poorly someone's penis works, I don't know what is.

Half-Aged Morning Show. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show. A phenomenal effort by our guys. I mean, the pace that we played with, the physicality that we played with, quickness of decision-making, super sharp all over the place.

Game plan was executed at a high level. I mean, Julius was awesome. Setting the tone again on Janus. Everybody was really, really good. Kind of found an early groove on offense and never really let up. Finchie. Timberwolves head coach Chris Finch commenting on the wolves.

I mean, they just straight up DP'd the Milwaukee Bucks last night. Just took them to Townskys. Hell, they were up 31 points at halftime and ended up winning by 33. Yep. Jesus. Finchie was back. You know, he was a little sick there for a day or two, Josh. It's going around.

He's back. Our head coach is sick. He's out with the flu. Got it real bad, I guess. Our head coach. That's cute. Who this? Our program director, the boss man.

Derek. That's terrible. It was a disgusting ending the last night's Golden Gopher basketball game. We'll tell you about that when Randy Schaeber swings in here about a half hour. I told you that Vikings wide receiver Addison Jordan was a jagoff. Yeah. He got arrested. You can't figure it out, man.

It's getting kind of sad at this point. He got arrested before we go. we had just the worst story come up in our stupid news report. I think it's the worst that we've ever heard, the worst I've ever had to spit into a microphone. A story about a kid who created an eight-foot-wide booger wall in his bedroom. Anytime he tore something out of his skull via his nose portals, he'd wipe it on the wall. And it just created a total disaster. I'm going to have a hard time ever getting over.

talking about that story. I mean, I'm, you know how it, how it goes, Josh, when you're trying not to puke, your water fill, water. Your saliva starts building up and, yeah. Your mouth starts to water is what I meant to say. Just terrible.

Here's a listener, Jenna told Jesus, who texted in. He said, I caught my son starting a booger wall. he has since stopped. He's just hiding it better. He says, I think he's stopped. I don't know. You'd have to ask his new family.

And one final text on the topic. A listener texted in, Josh, and says, I see your booger wall. I'll get there. He says, I see your booger wall and raise you a piss drawer. You're a piss drawer.

He says my nephew had a piss drawer. He would open the bottom drawer of his dresser and then just take a piss. I'd love to know if he's a sleep urinator or if it's just that's what he did.

Just pure laziness. I'd like to know where he's currently incarcerated because that's not something that anyone does and then goes on to lead a normal life, in my opinion. I saw a buddy do it once when he was hammered. Oh, that's completely different. I agree, I agree.

Absolutely. Text us. What was the name again? Jenna Tolls Jesus. If there's any more information you'd like to give us about your nephew's piss drawer. That's a horrible thing. There's nowhere near a booger wall, but it's still pretty horrible. More news next with Cubby.

The 93X half-assed. Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat.

And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at Stan. Standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. and it spells relief for you. Vince Colonais is redefining news talk. I'm Vince Colonet's host of the Vince podcast. I'm bringing you the truth beneath the headlines of all of the nation's top stories.

In-depth interviews. We feature newsmaking interviews with the top guests on the whole planet. And I'll ask the questions you only dream of other interviewers asking. And a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. It's a show with an obsessive focus on what's good for America.

You are going to love Vince. The Vince show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. They're gross, they're offensive, and kids on the road see them. Half-ass morning show. 93X. Oh, my goodness. That is so ignorant.

Crazy, ignorant, stupid. It's a dog walker, shoot dog. They're selling bees at Fleet Farm. Yeah, uh, what? Josh, I didn't want to interrupt your news report, but that ad was absolutely fascinating. Yeah, I'd never heard that. And I, you guys know, I have Fleet Farm. clothing. I love Fleet Farm. I go to Fleet Farm. You can buy bees online.

Do you guys want to hear it again? It was our guy Brian Kerski, I think, reading the ad. He's a good, I enjoy listening to him. Should we? I don't know. Can we? Yeah. I want to pay more attention to. I was getting ready over here and I thought, did I just hear there's bees at Fleet Farm? Yeah, let's give Fleet Farm some more love here. Bekeeping is all the buzz at Fleet Farm. Order your live bees now through March 1st. Packages come with approximately 10. thousand Italian or carniolan bees plus a made of queen get all the bee raising supplies you need at fleet farm visit fleetfarm.com slash bees to order so a 10,000 Italian bees and a mated queen you get a humped lady did he say that that's what it sounded like to me yeah will you guys look up how much it is to get 10,000 bees at fleet farm yes all right well first off

order me 30,000 I bet you when kerski had to read that ad he looked at it three or four times and said wait a minute What? Are they punking me here? Okay, so I have a question. Why would you want to order bees? People are into bees. Yeah, we need more bees. 230 bucks.

No, I mean, well, what do you do with them? Well, you... You start your own apiary. You dress cool, and you, yeah, you pollinate things. My friend's family has some bees. It's really cool. I hate bees. So that's why I'm thoroughly confused as why anybody would want bees.

I'm going to buy you some bees. How much should you say for 10,000 bees? 3.30, or sorry, 2.30. $2.30. Yeah, but you got to get the equipment. They also sell all of that. Do they have those little cans with the fogging stuff in it? Whatever is in there, I'm not sure.

Yes. It says, I'm guessing this is what you're talking about, a little giant bee smoker. A bee smoker. And they got the cool suit, the jacket with a hat or the hood over it and everything. What does that cost? 100 bucks. It's absolutely fascinating to me. I've never heard an ad like that before.

So is this like a hot new trend now to have pet bees and you raise them and do whatever you do? The only thing I know what to do with a bee is swat at it and try to kill it. So I just don't know what you would do with them. The most important thing that you have to buy when you're getting these bees is a sign that says, caution, bees working. Do not disturb. I want that for the studio here. As much as I dislike them, I am fascinated by this gimmick.

I do know a guy who was a beekeeper for a stretch of time when he was young. And I don't remember any of the stories now because this was decades ago that he told me about it. But it was really interesting stuff. I want to get some bees. I'm really intrigued by this. For under 500 bucks, we can be in business. Yeah. We can make our own honey and whatnot.

Easy. We could show up at every farmer's market in town. Let's get some bees. bees in the studio. This is a constant buzz through the microphones. You are going to be, how should I say this? I'm not going to make it worth your while. There's a way to say this and I can't come up with it.

Okay, here it is. If you bring your store-bought bees into this studio, Ashley, after a few minutes, it's going to feel like you wasted your money. Because they're all going to be dead. No. I know. That's, that was, you know, we were talking earlier about unexpected things to happen on the show today, and we thought the combination of raccoon poop and chewing tobacco was odd,

which was parked right outside our front door. A bee commercial. That was great. Never, never would have thought that we'd hear something like that. Yeah, it was wonderful. Yeah. Thank you for that, Kurski. A nice job with that whole thing.

Ha, ha, ha, Kerski. So as I was saying, it's a dog walker. shoot dog whiner world out there, at least on one Illinois block where a loose leash led to loaded guns. A 52-year-old man was arrested after threatening to shoot his neighbor following a squabble over a dog wandering off leash. Officers responded to a residence after receiving a report of a disturbance between two neighbors. Upon arriving at the scene, first responders made contact with the individuals, one of whom was Christopher Bauer. The other party was identified as a 55-year-old neighbor who lives on Bauer's block, a proximity which suddenly became regrettable.

The altercation started as a verbal argument tied to Bauer's dog being off its leash in a shared community area. Ordinarily, such matters resolve with muttering, passive aggression, or a brisk retreat indoors. But this dog argument refused to heal. Then things between the neighbors got far less neighborly when Bauer returned to his residence and came back carrying a gun. During the confrontation, Bauer threatened to shoot the neighbor, telling the older man, I'll put three in you, a threat overheard by a 911 dispatcher landing Bauer behind bars. In an interview with police, Bauer said he'd been walking his dog on a leash, but claimed the animal had escaped somehow. Bauer was released from detention Friday and is scheduled to appear in court again next month.

Problem of us, huh? Yeah, it issues. Three. I put three in him. Not two, not one, three. Random off-leash dog fact for the day? Yes, please. The first dog park in America was established in Berkeley, California in 1979. Hippies. From one Bauer stirring trouble on his block to T.V.'s Bauer, who made a career out of taking down terrorist before the clock hit zero.

Actor and 24-star Kiefer Sutherland was arrested this week after an altercation in California. Did he go nuts? I don't know. He kind of does this every few years. Sutherland's latest off-screen drama unfolded in the back of a ride chair. The arrest took place about 12, 15 a.m. Monday near Hollywood, where officers responded to a report of an assault involving a ride-chair driver. Police say Kiefer entered the vehicle, physically assaulted that driver, then made criminal threats toward him. The driver did not suffer any injuries requiring medical attention,

but Kiefer was arrested on suspicion of felony criminal threats. No further details on an alleged motive or what happened prior to the alleged assault have been released. The episode adds another entry into a resume already familiar with high-profile court calendars. In 2009, he faced assault charges over a nightclub fight in which he was accused of headbutting a fashion designer. Oh! At the time, he was on probation in California for a 2007 drunk driving conviction that landed him in jail for 48 days. Two years earlier, he body slammed a Christmas tree in a London hotel lobby. After being told by a drinking buddy, he was a pirate, which he didn't appreciate. He also was convicted in 2004 for drunken driving and has had several other alcohol-related arrests since the 1990s.

You're a pirate. I'm not a pirate. I'll show you a pirate. Kiefer Sutherland, best known for playing Jack Bauer on the TV series 24, a role that earned him both an Emmy and a Golden Globe. His film work includes Young Guns, Young Guns 2, Stand By Me, The Lost Boys, a few good men, and Zoolander 2. Huh.

Zoolander 2. Kiefer Sutherland. Last I heard he had left the West for the East, taking with him a celestial bride, her mother, and 14 brothers and sisters. What's the latest on the Young Guns remake, Josh, or the Young Guns next chapter? I haven't heard much on it since they announced they're going to do it. So I don't know if they're filming or what's happening now. Definitely interested.

Jose Chavez-E Chavez moved to California where he changed his name and took work on a fruit ranch. A Rhode Island woman stands accused of forwarding explicit images of her boyfriend to an audience that definitely did not subscribe. The man's mother. Yes, the family inbox. went where no parent hopes to tread. Mom saw her adult son's boner. According to state police, 40-year-old Stephanie Hopkins was arrested

just after 4 p.m. on New Year's Day and was clearly not having it, rolling her eyes in a mugshot released by authorities and available on 93X.com. The complaint began with Hopkins' ex-walking into a state police barracks and telling officers his ex-girlfriend had sent explicit photos of him taken from an old phone and sent them directly to his mother.

A trooper contacted Hopkins shortly thereafter. She told police her ex-boyfriend mistreated her throughout the relationship, and she believed her ex was solely doing this because he'd been arrested for the same crime last May. And records do show a 39-year-old man with the same name as Hopkins' ex was arrested in May on a charge of unauthorized dissemination of indecent material. The man later pleaded no contest to that charge and was sentenced to a mental health program, 10 days home confinement and 11 months probation. Speaking to investigators, the ex-boyfriend said he had a brief, intimate dating relationship

with Hopkins, and when the relationship ended on New Year's Eve, he returned a cell phone, which had been a gift from her. He stated when he handed the phone back, he left it as is and forgot to factory reset it, a step that would have wiped all of his contents and saved his mother from seeing his erection. Those contents included several explicit videos and pictures. he took of himself. According to investigators, Hopkins sent the man's mother multiple explicit screenshots of him showing his genitals.

Troopers went to the mortified mother's home where she confirmed receiving her son's smut. While on scene, troopers were even given a guided tour of the bathroom where her son likes to jerk off on camera. Hopkins is scheduled to appear for a pretrial conference on the 27th. It's very embarrassing. I'd love to know if any of our listeners, if you wouldn't mind texting us, did you ever accidentally send a picture of your rod or your vagina to one of your folks?

Oh, thank God. I've never done that. The number is 651-9-9-933, if anyone feels like, you know, opening up to us on this subject. I'm sure it was a horrible, traumatic experience for everyone in the family, but we'd love to hear all about it. I intentionally changed what my mom's name was and my contacts because it was too close to a girl I was dating at the time. And you sent here a lot of rod picks? When they were requested occasionally, yes. Wait, let me ask you something. Do you put your mom's name in there? It was mom's cell phone, and then I changed it to her actual name because the girl I was dating had a name that started

with an M, and they were right next to each other in the cell phone book. I see. F me, what a horrible thing. You don't come back from that. That's so traumatizing. You don't come back from that. Let me ask you, Josh. You're a parent. What would be worse? Sending a picture of your little pecker all erect, sending that accidentally to your mother or accidentally sending it to your adult stepchildren?

The kids, for sure. Yeah, definitely the kids. Why do you say that? Well, because I'd imagine I'd have to pay for the therapy and stuff like that. I just want to factoring in the financial repercussions. That would mess them up, Josh. Oh, the finances of it all.

Well, the jobs immediately went to the math of it all. Sure. Yeah, that would be... Brilliant. I don't know at their age if I can still write that off as an expense. I think they're past that age. I think they are, yeah. You are the type of guy that keeps an eye on his bottom dollars.

I am, yeah. I'd have to add another budget line to that, and I'm just not able to do that at this point. I might know a guy who accidentally sent a picture of his heart onto his children. Anyway, what time is it? Well, Dane or Ashley, you sent a picture your boner once to your nephew. by action. Yeah, I still feel weird about it. Was that just a topless thing?

Yeah. Okay. Well, that's better. Yeah. It's not good, obviously. We're not counting boobs. You're all right. Yeah, it could have been a lot worse.

Could have been a lot worse. It definitely could have. It definitely could have. Could have been spokes. Never, never. A New Hampshire man was arrested after several other drivers saw him fapping on the freeway. 27-year-old Jonathan Ma is charged with indecent exposure. in lewdness after troopers responded to a man performing a sex act on himself while driving on

Monday afternoon November 24th. Johnny Ma. Following an investigation into the trouser yogurt incident in traffic, troopers obtained a warrant for Ma's arrest and nabbed him at his Portsmouth home last Saturday. Investigators believe there are additional unreported incidents involving Ma's self-administered highway handjob, so there's a possibility of more to come. That's gross. Perhaps upset. A new report suggests

Minnesota spend more money on alcohol. A Wisconsin man is now in custody following his second OWI offense. This happened Monday night after he'd taken a breath test and was found to be 21 times the legal limit, which is a bit deceiving but technically true. Police responded at 6.09 p.m.

after calls described a vehicle, slaloming along U.S. Highway 10, seesawing between speeds and flirting with guardrails. Officers located the car and initiated a traffic stop. What greeted them was a strong odor of alcohol and the usual cocktail of intoxication clues, all emanating from one very drunk 41-year-old driver who blew a .427.

Now, because of his previous arrest, he was under a .02 restriction. So that technicality explained, the headline-grabbing arithmetic. By that standard, he had sailed past the line by a factor of 21, making him 21 times the legal limit. With his level of intoxication firmly in the danger zone, he was transported to the hospital for medical care where they said anything over 0.4 could kill a guy. My lord. The timing of the arrest arrived with a statistical chaser. As I mentioned, a new study shows Drinking Age Minnesotans spent more money on booze.

last year than our Wisconsin neighbors. Wisconsin is soft as baby turds. Of course, they're long teased as the region's lovable drunks. In fact, though, in the five-state area, Wisconsin spends the least. The average Wisconsin drinkers spent $793 bucks on alcohol last year, putting the Badger State at the bottom of its own bar stool. Iowa, South Dakota, North Dakota, and Minnesota all spent more with Minnesota topping that list at 954.

Here's how the regional tab shook out. Again, Minnesota at 954. Then North Dakota, 823, South Dakota, 805, and Iowa 802. I don't know about the other states, but I do know, like, I mean, Wisconsin, it's very, very cheap. Yeah, I was thinking of the same logic, actually. Yeah, I was wondering those were some of the factors. You can get a domestic beer for like two, three bucks. They're all cheap and unwashed over there.

Maybe two for ones more often there. Yeah. Josh, remember that story you told a couple minutes ago about a guy who accidentally sent a D-pick to his mother? Yes. A listener has texted in that said, this is a grown man. He, not that far back, he received an accidental boner pick from his own dad. Oh, no. Any further information, like how the relationship is?

Do you ever say it? Does dad send another text going, oh, no. He didn't tell us anything more than that. Back to the drinking, no surprise about the national buzz kills. Utah barely got tipsy. The average resident there spent $606 on alcohol last year. And another study revealed Americans start to lose interest in drinking alcohol at the age of 32. Six and 10 have become more disinterested in alcohol since first trying it, a transition that starts on average, the study says, at 32. Streaming now on Apple TV, the first two episodes of Hijack, Season 2, starring Idris,

Elba. Dave Grohl and Jason Bateman, both turned 57 today, L.L. Cool, J's 58, Zach Wilde, B-59, and Queensreich singer Jeff Tate, who will be in town at the varsity this April, is 67. Finally, we have the great honor of introducing Tyson to the Brotherhood. Welcome, and congratulations to separated shoulders, Jesus, and the Misses, and that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show. rims out. Gophers with a chance. The three on the way. It's up. Now Blackwell for the win.

That's disgusting. A disgusting ending to last night's Golden Gopher-Wiscoe basketball game at the barn. Hi, Randy Schaeber. Hi, Brad Ryder. Good morning, good morning. Good morning. Yeah, the Golden Gophers hung in there till the bitter end. Till the bitter end. They tied the pig there.

Three-pointer. Yep. With only a few seconds left in the ball. game and then some badger douche put up a lucky shot at the buzzer and it went in i realized there's a lot of chaos after making the three but you might want to stop that guy's dribble before he gets to his spot yeah whatever brad they can pass the ball i'm sorry i yelled at you brad i would i would also say that this team if they had the two other guys that were starters they would be really a team that could be contending to possibly make the tournament.

They're really coached well. Yeah, they can play. They play their butts off. They play hard. But these guys are playing 38, 39, 33 minutes a game. And that just takes its toll. And it's just too bad. It really is.

It's just too bad that those two guys got hurt because this team has a chance to be pretty good. And they gave the Badgers everything they wanted last night. They were, they were, they were going to be thin this year anyway, just because I coached in his first year coming in, you know, that, that happens. That tends to happen, especially in the transfer portal era. He's not going to get everybody that he wants and then have a couple of starters go down on top of it. But I've always been, I mean, since he was hired, I've been on Nico. I think he's a really good coach.

And I think you're here, other coaches telling, you know, meaty people the same thing. He's done a great job here. We just got to give him time and make sure we get him the resources he needs to go out and compete in the NIL world and I think he'll just be fine. Yeah, they've lost a couple of games in a row now by only a margin of four points. So they're obviously very competitive and they play well together. It's just not quite enough right now. It's such a luxury for a Wisconsin team to have a Carrington coming off the bench. That's the kind of guy. If the gophers had that

kind of guy. Where were all those three-pointers when he was going to school here? Well, I understand, but he plays some solid minutes, is what I'm saying. Hey, Brad Ryder, medical device Jesus is here to remind you that the Golden Gopers are 0-2 since you started talking about the tournament a couple weeks ago. Yeah, well,

just to make sure I was heard accurately, I said that if they won the next two games, we could have the conversation. And then the missed free throws again, the friggin' missed free throws. Between the Timberwolves and the Golden go for basketball team with the miss free throws, I'm going to completely snap.

Because that's a factor. It's always a factor. It is. Yeah, for sure. Tough loss last night. Tough loss. I don't know what they were supposed to do with that kid on that final push up the court. Maybe foul them? No. No? Then you would have went to the line and it was a tie, you know, it was a tie game. Oh, that's right. Sorry, sorry. I forgot it was a tie game that obviously makes very little sense. Pick them up and make them pass the ball before you get a spot on the floor. I think they got excited when they saw that three go down. Sometimes you're not thinking.

They'll be at Illinois's on Saturday. Another tough game. It was a blowbang in Milwaukee last night. I mean, the Timberwolves just. Without Edwards and Gobert, too. Yeah. Your guy, Juan Barangare, man. Yeah, Juan Barangare looked great.

30 minutes last night and played super well. The kid's ready. That's the future. right there. That's exciting. Yep. Hell, they were up by 31 points at halftime. She was all over, bruh. I'm trying to say bruh, like Anthony Edwards did yesterday in our audio. I like it. It's coming across. It sounds very cool when he does it. I'm trying to. That was the biggest halftime lead in a road game and franchise history. 31 points last night. Impressive. At one point, they led by 41 in the second half. Chris Finch was back from his little illness. 22 three-pointers went down for the wolves last night, and they shot a season best, 59.8% overall. That's the most points.

The bucks have given up this season, and you mentioned Juan Barren Gare. How about Bones Highland? He was a plus 41 on the floor last night. That's crazy. He's actually having. a season that, you know, if you look at what he's been doing for this team, you know, sixth man kind of stuff.

Been terrific. He's been very valuable off the bench. Mm-hmm. He's a very likable dude as well. Yeah. He was interviewed last night after the game by Jim Peterson, and he's just a very likable cat. He gets it.

Up next for the Timberwolves, they'll play the Houston Rockets on Friday. Ooh, good game. Oh, yeah. Someone texted it in and said, why did the Milwaukee Bucks jerseys last night say cream city well I imagine they make a lot of sour and whipped cream out there because of the dairy but don't I'm not a

it's a terrible slogan I've never heard of Milwaukee referred to as that before I just can't believe that they decided yeah we're going to put that on a jersey cream city It's disgusting, really. It paints a completely different picture for some people. Sure does.

Josh, don't you know a couple of people who starred in that movie, Cream City? I'm sorry, I'm kind of just bracing myself for the text I'd imagine we'll be pouring in any second now. Do you think that maybe some of our listeners have taken your mother to Cream City? Oh, I think there's some suggestions coming in saying that, yeah. You don't want to talk about Cream City? No. Yeah, what a terrible little, you know, a lot of NBA teams have that now. like their little, the nickname for the city or whatever,

on their hip third or fourth jersey. Right. I think they call them the city edition jerseys. They should have rethought that. What was the one a couple of years ago? The Charlotte Hornets, their city edition jersey, said, CLT. Oh, that's right.

I believe because that's the airport code. The airport abbreviation. Yeah. It said CLT. Well, what the hell came to mind for everybody on planet Earth? It's embarrassing. You're going out playing basketball, and your jersey has the medical term for a lady's body part on the damn thing.

Board H.R. Jesus said the cream city is due to a special type of brick that are made there, that are cream colored, and then he went on to say, it's stupid. That's so lame. It's so dumb. Yeah, like, who knew that ahead of time? You got nothing else going on in your town? That's terrible. They really, I'm sure a panel of people said, yeah, go ahead with that.

You want to be known as Cream City. I mean, that's on you. My mom's bedroom is not known as Cream City. It doesn't have a name. Her bedroom doesn't have a nickname. No, it's just mom's bedroom. Stay out. By the way, did you see?

see what the Greek freak pulled off last night. He's a cool kid. I really do like watching him play. He's a funny guy. He's got a great sense of humor, but I don't think he fully gets certain things. So the bucks are down by 31 at halftime. The first possession for Milwaukee, well, I should backtrack. The crowd is booing the living hell out of the Milwaukee bucks, the home crowd. The first possession of the second half, The Greek freak gets the basketball, goes in, scores, gets fouled, gets knocked on down to his ass. And while he's sitting there on the court, he gave the crowd a thumbs down and booed them back. And then after the game, he said, whenever I get booed, I boo back. Dude, you don't get it.

You're down by 31 at home. Some of the crowd is going to turn on you. Don't be so freaking sensitive. that kind of painted a different picture of the dude for me. The NBA trading deadline is coming up in three weeks. I would lay money that the Greek freak is no longer on the Milwaukee roster of the trading deadline. Is it the kiss of death?

They're not in the playoffs right now. They're not in the playoffs right now. They've got to reload. They've got to reshape their roster a little bit. And there's a lot of teams that would like him. There's a lot of conversation, though. the Jah Morant could be going to Milwaukee, and that would be the reason to keep Janice

is that they would try to team him up with a Jahnman. So, I mean, I've seen stuff either way. I agree with you, Brad, that there's a conversation about him being traded. The problem with him being traded is that you've got to match the salaries with him, and that's not an easy thing to do. You get any texts about Pound Town yet, Josh? Yeah, somebody's saying that I was dead. My mom's bedroom is named Poundown.

And they said they've been taken there many times. Oh, man. So Giannis Anton Koppo, I mean, wake up, dude. People are paying unbelievable amounts of money for NBA tickets these days. When the home team is down 31, they might boo now and again. Don't be so sensitive. But, you know, recently he said, I never want to be traded from Milwaukee. I will never ask for a trade away from the bucks.

but as we all know, that likely could be the kiss of death type thing. Yeah. I'm trying to find the clip. Wasn't it him that talked about how he was hoping for his birthday he'd get sexy time? Yeah. I can't for the life of me. He's made a lot of sex jokes, it seems like, in press conferences. I think Milwaukee, though, has to be cautious.

I mean, look what the Mavericks did in trading Donkich and ended up with basically nothing in return because now Davis is out for six, seven, weeks with another injury. Yeah, basically. So I think there's, there'll be some caution there. To me, the more likely scenario is they figure out a way to get John Morant there and try to revitalize what they've got. All right. Pittsburgh Stillers head coach Mike Tomlin is stepping down after 19 seasons over there. Never had a losing season in nearly two decades, but he hasn't been winning. Like the change. Hasn't been winning in the play. playoff.

So you think this really is a stepping down or one of those mutual agreements will make it look good type things? I think it's a stepping down. Okay. Fair enough. There's been a bunch of conversation about this. I think, you know, it sounds like he wants to do TV for a year or just kind of step away from the game for a year.

I read yesterday that he's still a part of the Steeler organization. and that he could come back in a year and they could trade him. Did I read that right? Well, your guess is as good as mine. That they're holding on to his, I guess, I don't know, if it's rights or whatever it is, in that maybe in a year's time he would come back. I get a kick out of that when coaches get traded.

It sounds weird. It's only happened a few times. It always does sound weird. I thought I saw before the game on Sunday night, though. I thought I saw a graphic where the graphics said that he wasn't signed beyond this season. So I don't know. I don't know either. I thought I read that there was this conversation about that.

If he came back after a year that he possibly could get traded, the Steelers could get something in return. He walked away from the job. Before his resignation, Mike Tomlin, and this is in how I would normally talk, but I'll read it to you as is. Before his resignation, Mike Tomlin was the longest tenured head coach of a singular North American professional sports franchise. I also read a stat that kind of shocked me, not shocked me,

but it was kind of surprising that when the news broke that he went to the Steelers, when he left the Vikings to go to the Steelers. They hired him. The iPhone was even out yet. The iPhone wasn't out yet. He was 34 years old when the Steelers hired him to be head coach. I know a gal who dangled with him while he was. in town.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Lucky. I just looked at stuff. He is under contract through next season. The team has an option for 2027.

So that's why there's a lot of speculation like he's not going to coach next year. Lucky Josh says. I might have meant for him and I might have meant for her. You're attracted to Mike Tomlin?

I think he's a good looking guy. And he's rough. You know, he's just got that attitude. He would pin you down. He would pin you down. He'd make you bite the pillow. That was way more enthusiastic than I meant to make it sound. Yes, that is correct, Brad.

Now, speaking of being booed, here's a guy who was with the Steelers for nearly 20 years, won him a Super Bowl, all-time great type guy, right? He was booed. Yeah. The crowd was chanting Fire Tomlin, his last few home games, so suck it up, freak. What have you done for me lately? Right. That's professional sports.

I wonder if it will be kind of similar to Bill Cower, who was 14-year-old. and got fired or retired. I can't remember, but there was all these rumors once he started doing TV, when's he going to come back, when's he going to come back? And I think he just thought, hey, why now? Why would I go back? This is nice. This TV life is nice.

Think about the stability that the Steelers have had at the coaching position. It's crazy. Chuck Noel was there for some 17 years or so. Oh, longer than that. Followed by Bill Coward, who was there for 17 years or whatever. And then Mike Talon. What's with the number 17? Well, just, I mean, in that, right? I'm kidding.

Yeah. Three coaches in like 45 years. This is only their, whoever they hire next will only be the fourth coach for the Stillers since 1969. Think about that. That's just incredible. The only other peckerheads who stuck around longer with one club in the NFL than Mike Tomlin were some dude from the 1930s named Steve Owen. He coached the Giants from 31 to 53. Chuck Noel, 23.

Bill Belichick, 24 seasons. Don Shula. You never bet against Shula at home. Don Shula, 26 seasons. Tom Landry, 29. Curly Lambo. It didn't really count. It wasn't real football.

29 seasons with the Green Bay Packers. So it's a hell of a story. Yep. Yeah, I know a gal who dangled with him. Lucky. He's mine. Hey, so was this like a long time? No.

Oh, just kind of one of those. Yeah. Even sinful evenings. Sinful. They're not married or anything. That smart-mouth kid we played on air yesterday got one of his wishes to Philadelphia Eagles fired their offensive.

I love that kid. It's funny that that's the first thing I thought of yesterday. I'm like, well, that kid's going to be kind of happy. When the news came out about the guy getting fired. The kid got a silver lining out of the deal. The Philadelphia Eagles fired their offensive coordinator. some cat who goes by the name of Kevin Patulow. Should we play that clip again?

Sure, the kid wanted him flipping burgers, didn't he? Well, he compared him to a burger flip. Oh, compared him to a cook, yeah. This was a huge lockdown. This was my Christmas present, and I got a loss. Oh, no, you probably would have rather had coal, huh? Yeah, probably. I'm feeling two of two things.

A, I want A.J. Brown packing his bags, and I want him somewhere else that is not here. I love you, AJ, but, like, you can't make those drops in that game. And I also want Kevin Petulowlo flipping burgers at like the local McDonald's or something. I don't care. Why do you say that? Whenever he's an offensive coordinator,

it's like he's flipping burgers. One half he's cooking, and the other half is completely raw. You know the beginning of that clip, and I know this would be lost on people, but there's a guy we know we call him the girlfriend guy. He kind of sounds like a young version of the girlfriend guy right at the beginning. This was a huge letdown.

This was my Christmas present, and I got a lot. Sure. Right there. Yep. That's how he talks. He does sound like the girlfriend guy. I told everyone a long time ago. I told you that Vikings wide receiver Addison Jordan was a moron.

And he's widely overrated anyway as a player. Now he got himself arrested in Florida charged with misdemeanor trespassing. He was detained at a hotel down there in Tampa at quarter to four in the morning. I've been to that place. What place? That casino. Any trespassing charges for you? No, I'm okay.

Says you're the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Was there last? winter. I'm not buying it. Quarter to four in the morning. He was trespassing. What should say here? Nothing good happens after three in the morning in Florida. Essentially, according to Florida law, what they're accusing Addison Jordan of doing is gaining unauthorized entry somewheres and then refusing to leave. What a baby. I'm not going to leave because I'm Addison Jordan. That's what I'm picturing at least. You probably got kicked out of the casino then tried to come back and then refused to leave.

Yeah, yeah. This kid needs a babysitter. I mean, the offseason, he just can't control himself. You know what? Just let him go. He's not that great of a player anyway. Seriously, seriously. Jalen Naylor is, to me, can be just as good a player.

Find another receiver. You don't need the headache. It's just not worth it. The Vikings troubled head coach says he doesn't want to speculate until he gets all the information and the facts on find out exactly what a A Vikings assistant head coach retired. Or so that's what the team would like us to believe. Now, here's the story I've never heard of this man in my life,

but he goes by the name of Mike Pettine. He's an assistant head coach right beside the troubled guy that I was just referring to. He's also an outside linebacker's coach. Now, the story that I read said, maybe it wasn't really a retiring, but they were kind about it, and the team just wanted to get him out of the way. So they can then offer that Brian Flores character, the assistant head coach job to keep him from landing a gig with a different team.

Well, it's not going to keep him from getting a head coaching job, but it might delay that possibility down the road. Right. To me, that makes sense. I would give Brian Flores everything he wants to keep him here. Yeah. If it wasn't for him, they would not have been in some of the situations they were in playoff situations. Oh, yes.

We've received a few text messages. Yes, the Vikings are currently monitoring the situation involving. Yeah. Yeah, step one is to be aware. Step two is always to monitor. Got to monitor. Addison Jordan. What else is going on?

Here's a little major league baseball, something or another for you. Hot stove. Third baseman Nolan Aeronado, eight-time All-Star, 10 Gold Glove Awards. Yeah. Has been traded to the Arizona Diamondbacks in exchange for a minor league pitcher. Yep. He agreed to waive his no trade clause to close the deal.

He's going to go play for the Arizona Diamond. Hell of a player. Yeah, there's a couple of big things that are happening. Kyle Tucker's been offered some big money by the New York Mets. So they're trying to, he's like the big free agent that's available right now. And Bregman signed with the Cubs. I know you'll hate that, Nick. What?

I'm sorry, I missed it. Alex Bregman, who played for the Red Sox signed with the Cubs, a big monster. Yes, I read about that. The frigging Cubs. There's still some big free agents that are available out there, but those are the big ones right now. All right. Twinsfeth coming up next weekend.

Twinsfest, yep. Talk to me about Twinsfest. Joe Ryan said he's not going. Joe Ryan will not be making an appearance at Twinsfest. He will not, no. He's unhappy with this and that. And that's bigger news than people might think, because historically, all the Twins players go to Twinsfest.

They get everybody to come. And when somebody doesn't come, that's a big deal. That's a statement. And maybe there's a reason why. don't know, but they came out and said, I think, yesterday that he will not be part of Twins Fest. Well, that's too bad. Josh, haven't you had some solid laughs at Twins Fest over the years? Oh, yeah, we go to most of them.

I haven't been there and, oh, God, it's been over a decade since I stopped by Twins Fest. Kent Herbeck and Torrey Hunter would be some of the highlights. They hosted a game show a couple times, and that was very funny. Wouldn't it be nice if either one of those guys would get a personality? You know, that's my only complaint. That's my only complaint. They're always in such bad moods. Jokes that never land.

Never smiling, never joking around or anything like that, Kent Herbeck and Troy Hunter. I used to volunteer at Twinsfest in high school. It was awesome. What did you do there? They did me do a bunch of different things. Sometimes it was hanging out by the autograph tables, just kind of, you know, helping people along,

making sure the line was moving. Did they ever make you fetch beers for ballplayers? No, but speaking of beers, there was once I remember a pitcher by the, he was a total bus, but J. D. Durbin, Do you remember that name? Oh, yeah. J.D. The Real Deal, Durbin, he gave himself that nickname.

I was at his autograph table, and there was a lull, and he was asking me about, I'm like, yeah, I'm a senior in high school. He goes, you ever go down to Fort Myers for Spring Train? I go, yeah, actually, I've gone a couple times with my parents. He goes, man, when you get to college, go down there around spring training time. Go to the bars. Tell girls that you're a double-A pitcher, about to make it to the bigs. Dude, you'll clean up.

Oh, weird. Didn't you have friends do that? Like something with hockey? That was me. Oh, that was you. I started it. This was back at my old bar gig at Pavs in Andover. My God, was it lawless up there for a stretch of time?

Had some great times up there. It just so happened that I played beer league hockey with a dude. Terrific player. You went to school with him, Josh. Jeff was his first name. Oh, yeah, absolutely. He was a few years younger than me. Dude went to juniors.

I mean, he was prepping himself to be a real deal. type of a hockey player. And then his knee fell off. And next thing you know, he's forced to play beer league with the rest of us losers. But he happened to look a hell of a lot like former pigs, goaltender, Mani Fernandez. And he comes to my bar gig at Pobbs one night and he sets down. And both of us had a few beers in us. I'm just horsing around on the microphone.

And I say, hey, everybody, just so you know, a pal of mine has stopped by this evening to join us. Minnesota wild goaltender, Manny Fernandez. and I'm joking, but everybody bought it. And then we couldn't really squash the bit because it had gone too far. He's got six, eight, 21-year-old girls sitting on his lap. He's got the owner of the bar asking him to autograph jerseys in the friggin. And at one point or another, I walked up to Jeff and I said, dude, should I put a lid on this? And he said, hell no, I got college girls sitting on my lap.

Don't say it. You better not tell him the frigging truth. And it worked because he really did. He was a spin. And then, okay, you're going to like this, Dana, because this is a story about Wang. Mm-hmm. My buddy Wang, who now, if, I just mentioned this a couple days ago, if there was a celebrity doppelganger for Wang, it would be Jaden McDaniels of the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Wang and Jaden McDaniels have the exact same face. Years ago, Wang walked into Poves, and I introduced him. as a joke again as former twins relief pitcher J.C. Romero. And everybody bought it. And he's got the college girls hanging on them. That one didn't go as far. But the Manny thing, the Manny Fernandez with my buddy Jeff routine, I really thought I was going to get in trouble. And we had some narrow escapes. Like I said, the bar owners putting jerseys in front of them for him to sign. And Jeff, thinking on his feet, said, no, that's against team policy. I can't do.

that unless I'm at the Excel energy. He made up some story. Yeah, because I thought I'm going to get canned from this gig because of my nonsense. I got a buddy who's not famous, but he looks like he could be famous. He's just got that cool look. He's very into fashion. He's got cool tattoos. He just looks like he could be somebody.

So one time at the bar, he was on the other side of the bar talking to some girls. And one by one, they didn't, the girls didn't realize we were friends with them. We just kind of approached him, like, very cautiously, like, hey, I don't mean to bug you, but like, I'm a big fan. Can I get a selfie? And then he'd be like, oh, yeah, sure, no problem. And then we take a selfie. And then one by one, we kept doing that.

And these girls were like, oh, this guy must be somebody. He must be famous. That cheap old mentality. Yeah, all these guys keep coming up, like, ah, God, I really hate to bug you. I know I don't want to interrupt your night. But can you just get a quick? Yeah, yeah, real quick.

Let's get a picture. I know exactly what you're talking about where somebody just has that look. It just happened to me where Nick, I had to ask you. Remember, I'm like, who's that guy over there? He looks, he's famous or something. It was a cousin of yours. He just had a look that. Was this at my mother's funeral?

His mom's funeral, right. Oh, my big tall cousin, John? Yeah, he just, like he said, he had the sunglasses, like a cool look. Oh, no, that was a cousin from the other side of the family. That was my cousin Christian. Oh, yeah, not John. Yeah, I didn't know what your other cousin. Yeah, I know John on the one side.

My cousin Christian kind of looks like a somebody. I know what you mean. He just has that look. back hair, the sunglasses. He kind of looks like an MMA fighter stunt man. He's a big guy. He looks like an action hero.

He looks like he might be a somebody. And he was dressed impeccably. You know, he just kind of had a... So I know exactly what you're talking about, Dana. There was a vibe he had. Nice guy. I just want to make it clear that he is a nobody. Well, yes, your wife told me that. Yeah. No, he's a

wonderful, wonderful member of our family. All right. I see Dana over there on the telephone because we're prepping ourselves to jaw jack with Marcus Faligno. State of hockey. It's been a while since we talked to Mr. Faligno. Pigs have a game tomorrow night somewhere. I think they host Winni. Ah, yes, it's Minnie and Winnie tomorrow night.

You like the ring of that one, Josh? Yeah, I'm a fan. When the Jets come to town, I see Dana over on the telephone. I don't know if it's going to work or not. So far, not good. I mean, tell you something, if Marcus is not on the telephone, we will be ending this break early. Yep. Because all I've planned from here on out is stuff for Marcus.

All right. It's been a while. Hopefully he still digs our vibe. Marcus, are you there? Hey, good morning. How are you guys doing? Morning? Happy New Year.

It's wonderful to be talking with you. I don't know. When's the last time we talked to you around Christmas? Yeah, I know. It's been a while. Did you miss anything about us? I can go on and on here. Yeah.

We missed you too. Long road trip, but then we're back, so it feels like I didn't know what happened after Christmas. It was kind of a blur. Yeah, what the hell did you boys do to stay busy on the road trip? What was that, eight games, seven game? That was a long one. Yeah, yeah, it was about a 15-day. I think we tied a franchise record with the longest, or reset one,

with longest franchise road trip. It was just one of those grueling ones. We had New Year's Eve with all the guys, and just, you know, it was good. We kind of picked up where we left off, started playing decent hockey still. But, man, yeah, it was long. And then we ended in Seattle, so we got to Seattle. The trip was a little year's Eve. But New Year's Eve, we got to have a little team gathering.

Yeah, we did. Yeah, we got a little spoiled this year. We got to stay up the Pelican Hill Resort. in Newport Beach. We were there for three days or two days, and there was some golf, there was some relaxing times to fall the next day on New Year's Day,

so guys enjoyed themselves, and it was a nice day. We actually had some terrible luck with weather in Cali at this time. It rained most of the time, so it wasn't enjoyable, but we got a day where we had some sunshine, which was fun.

So when the boys get together for a New Year's Eve party, who do you push the people, bucket towards. Let's say there's a team puke bucket. As a veteran, who would you suggest that puke bucket is placed in front of? Oh, man, that's either way I'm throwing someone under the bus here. That's what we're looking for, Marcus. Yeah, you know what?

I will say that. It was a nice behaved. No one was over the top. but usually you're probably going after one of the young guys, right? Yeah. They're still in college days. So like a boldier favor is probably the ones that are acting like they're still in college. Yeah.

You're pushing the peep button bucket in front of those guys. Yeah, the younger guys. And we've heard stories about that before. What kind of stories? Like the guys that would really like to party. Oh, yeah. I don't know if we can say any names, but there's a couple. You talking about hockey players in particular?

Wild players in particular. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I... There's a couple guys. Currently or in the past? In the past, we've heard stories. A couple of ones that were almost legendary. I don't know if they threw the halls, they still talk about some of those, but we heard a couple. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you guys know how to party. There's no question about that.

Hey, nice, meaningless goal the other night. We were proud of you. Back to Hinoistroza. Rodina Drive. They score. John Hines gives an opportunity on the power play to say. some guys who normally don't get it and they cash in. Marcus Felito with a goal. Josh even has audio of your meaningless goal from the other night.

We're segmented for you. The way Anthony LaPanza celebrates it, you sound like it was an overtime winner. Well, you know what? When I scored that goal, I go, ah, this sucks. But you know what? The guys and the people on the half-morning show are going to really love it. Yeah.

They don't ask how. They ask how many. That's right. That was a half-ass goal. sorry. Thank you. Thank you for that. I mean, your reputation gained a little steam.

There was a goaltender between the pipes. Yeah, and a lot of people text in on that. That's another thing I got going for me. I'm like, you know what, this is great. This is an actual goal, so I'm happy with it. It's funny that you say you were even kind of a little. When I watched it happen, you did not have a celebratory look on your face. Well, maybe the younger person in me was celebrating.

but the old veteran was like, all right, let's move on here. We can't show any emotions. But we had a good chuckle of every the next day where we said, hey, PowerPlay 3 is pretty good. The third 3 is 100% right now. Dude, that's funny as hell.

The third PowerPlay walked into practice the next day, just Ds swinging. We got it done last night. What about PP1 and PP2? Two, didn't get Jack Squat done. That's funnier than hell. That's always funny too, because sometimes we do that in practice where we have, like, Matt Boldie, Brock Faber, those guys, Eric Seneck, they're on Power Play Unit 1,

and they penalty kill now. So we'll actually try to get them some penalty kill reps, and then they'll put, like, me and Shrennan and other guys that aren't on the power play. and it's always a fun time because sometimes we end up scoring, right? So it probably pisses off John Hines and coaching staff more that we're doing that. So it's always a fun little battle that way. But that was one of those instances where it was like, oh, this is great. I mean, I'm sure no one was happy about it.

But, hey, our power play unit three was clicking. That's right. You got it done. That was fun. Yeah. Oh. Well, we'll get a couple chances. I think, to talk to you before you take your Olympic break.

But that's on the horizon here in a couple, three weeks. I know. It's crazy. This schedule's nuts. I mean, it's been, I think now, this is our first, what, two-day break. I don't we had one in Seattle, but there was kind of a travel day in between. But this was kind of the first, like, two days in between a game in a long time. So really taking advantage of it and just kind of getting the body right and the mind right

to kind of have a last push right to the Olympic break here. so I think it came out a pretty good time. Yeah, I mean, have you heard the stories about how they're not quite done with the rink yet and the frigging game starting three weeks or something? I saw the pitchers and it's crazy. I mean, there's still like the scaffoldings up and like the walls aren't even up yet in the dress room. So it's, I mean, yeah, that's, I just, I laugh at all this stuff because it's like, it's the Olympics. Like, it should be top of the top, like, you know, it should be the facility-wise.

and here we are, you know, looking at something that's not even maybe 60% completed yet. But they said the ice had some holes in it, but they had some tournaments there or whatever to break it in. Yeah. So hopefully, at the end of the day, as long as the guys can skate and feel comfortable on the ice. And, I mean, we'll be watching from my couch. Marcus is right. It's not like this thing was announced two months ago. They had some lead-up time to get it right.

It's really weird. Yeah, they knew this was going to be in Italy for a long time now, right? Yeah. Yeah, that stuff always scratches my head a little bit and how this all plays out. But it's crazy. Hopefully, they all we're going. They put some gibronies out there for like a test game, is what they called it, a day or two ago. And a big hole opened up in the middle of the ice.

And there's pictures all over the Internet of these JV guys staring at this hole in the ice while the Italian officials try to. But it says here, only three of the 14. dressing rooms have been completed. The practice rink isn't functioning yet. The second level of the arena is yet to be completed. So, come on. They say it's a very relaxed vibe in Italy. Oh, it's got to be.

I mean, they'd probably take lunch breaks twice a day or three times a day, right? They've got to take a nap, and then they've got to go back to work, and then they take another nap before their dinner. So that's not the Italian way from what I heard. But, I mean, it's still a little stereotypical. I'm going to, you know, it's, I'm surprised. that, you know, Italians, there's such great, you know, builders and stuff like that. So I'm surprised that it's taking this long to build and stuff.

It's very good point. I'm from an Italian background myself. Yeah, yeah. They probably figured they've got a couple weeks left. They'll get it done. Concrete would be perfect. They'll be getting done a lot faster. Yeah.

The friggin Olympics, I'll tell you, it's right around the corner. Yeah, it's, uh, I hope everything goes well. It would be, we want to see those guys over there playing the best on best hockey. So, just got a text message about your hat. Refresh my memory on this. Marcus Villino, a waggle hat? Yeah, the waggle hat company made some customized hats with me this summer, kind of like a moose theme.

Oh. And then they were to sell them to season ticket holders and the people who came to the game on, I believe it was Saturday night. And so if you came to the game, you would get a waggle hat, moose hat, and yeah, I think it did pretty well. And I got a lot of people back home and in the family trying to get a hold of them. So hopefully get a couple more. But I know it's kind of just for the game in that sense.

But it was a good turnout. Yeah, they're really cool. Okay. So what happened to the one that was in studio here? Let me take it home? Yeah, yep, I gave it to my husband. He loves it. He wears it all the time already.

Oh, yeah. We heard about this. The Waggle hat. Okay. So people can still purchase them online? I don't know that. That's the stuff that I was trying to figure out. I don't know if it was just to that game.

You had to go to the game in order to get one. Is that something we should ask a first-liner about? Yeah. But I'm going to try to get it so that we can maybe put it on the team website or something like that where we can get people to buy in and stuff. Well, congrats. That's really cool. Maybe I can go to donations to cancer research or something. along the lines of that.

Yeah, yeah. It'd be awesome. Yeah, absolutely. They're cool. It's like a Minnesota theme hat. So it's an outdoor looking hat. It's fun. Okay.

We'll look into it. We're proud of you on that. That sounds like a cool deal. I wanted to run this by you, Marcus Felino, before we have to let you go. You've been playing hockey for a long time. Do you consider it dangerous? Do you consider hockey a dangerous game?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it is. Yeah. I mean, if you're on sharp blades. We've seen some things over the years. Unfortunately, yeah. Yeah, and we were talking about this the other day, you know, with some of the guys, it's like how, you know,

we're watching the football games and stuff. And, I mean, those guys get, obviously, it's a collision every whistle. But, I mean, the high speed, the hits, the stuff like that, I mean, it's the all around. It's a very dangerous game. And I think the speed now, you're seeing is probably what's making it the most dangerous, right?

Guys can fly out there now. And that's when things are, there's boundaries, there's boards that can kind of hurt you more than you can't just keep going. So that's, that's the biggest thing is I think it's one of the more dangerous sports right now. People online have been talking about unexpectedly dangerous sports. And there's some interesting answers here, Marcus Felino. Tell us you've ever tried any of these sports.

This is a short list of. A sport that's a lot more dangerous than it seems, okay? A sport that's a lot more dangerous than it seems. They start with water polo. How? What do you mean, how? The fear of drowning? Oh, I guess.

Yeah, you can't touch the ground, right? Right. Great. And then I'm also hearing that they kick each other. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they jab each other. Oh, that's best up. They're not standing in the shallow.

And I'm just like the pool together. That's exactly how we played. Who? Who in the pool? The other person. My brother and I, that's pretty much how it was dangerous water polo. Oh, yeah. Yeah, same with my brothers. Try to drown each other like brothers are supposed to.

Oh, it was terrifying. I would actually say that's a pretty dangerous sport. When you get your ankle grabbed by somebody, you're just trying to have a nice little swim. Next thing you know, you're being drowned. Here's what water polo, you know, there's a little more information here with all of these sports. Water polo, one person who plays it regularly says, I'm a pretty strong guy. I'm a big guy. I'm a big strong guy. Pete Alonzo. I'm a pretty strong guy, but nothing prepared me for the brutality of what goes on above and especially below the surface.

It's straight up mauling a water-based combat sport, and they talk about the scars they have from fingernails and toenails. He nicknamed this. He says the sport should be called competitive drowning. That's actually, yeah, it's intense. I'm not a lie. That's what I heard a couple years ago about that sport. and I agree with that guy. The toenail gouge has got to be just cringy, too. They probably intentionally don't cut the toenails.

They're doing it on purpose. Yeah. Leaving them going like daggers. Oh, yeah, they're probably filing them down a little bit, sharpen them up. It's like a kangaroo pup clawing. Okay, darts is considered a sport that's more dangerous than it seems. And the reason, I'm sorry?

You say darts? Yes, darts. And it says... Lawn darts, maybe. Well, lawn darts... That'll kill you. Yeah. Put a few kids in the emergency room in the late 70s.

Yeah. Here's why Darts is considered a dangerous sport. The alcoholism. I guess I didn't think of that. That's a sport I want to go over and watch one of those tournaments. It looks unbelievable. Oh, yeah. They get thousands of people just roaring and screaming and...

screaming and fighting in the stands over these guys. But it mentions straight up here. You compete in bars. You drink. It helps calm your nerves, and then you drink some more. And they go on to say, how many sports out there can you actually drink and smoke when it's not your turn? It's a short list. Darts, bowling, golf, and billiards.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Sumo wrestling, Marcus. You have ever tried sumo wrestling? No, no, never done And that looks dangerous One of those guys fall on top of you And suffocate you, that's a good way of doing it too

Yeah That's intense sport Then you gotta wear a full man diaper You get to wear You get to do Oh yeah, I forgot about the ass cheek Exposing type bottoms That you wear when sumo wrestling

I just read an article Earlier this week talking about how sumo wrestling get like so many chicks. They're so popular. Really? Not just overseas, but here in New York. All of a sudden, there's kind of a big sumo wrestling scene in New York.

And girls are going crazy for them. I knew they were getting mad tale in Japan. Yeah, Japan for sure. Cheerleading is considered a sport that's a lot more dangerous than it seems. Oh, definitely. They get thrown up in the air. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's like Cirque de Soleil to me.

That's super dangerous. I know how they do it The Cirque de Soleil. Josh, didn't you see that in person once? I did once, yeah. Part of one I left at halftime. And finally, on this list of sports that are a lot more dangerous than they seem, is tug of war.

I know that they banned it at certain schools. I mean, you couldn't do it for a while. Really? Because of the dangers. I did watch a... You rip a kid's elbow out of its socket. Yeah. I watched like a weird TV show.

It's, you know, it's fake. It's not real. But they were playing tug-of-war, and because of, like, how fast they ripped it out of the other people's hands, their fingers fell off. Oh. Oh, geez. Now. Yeah, that was an old-school rope, too. I don't know.

We used, like, that one that, like, would be, like, the climbing rope. I remember that back in gym class. Yeah. It was, like, horse hair that you were pulling. Yeah. Brut. Now, I don't know about. Burn, yeah.

I don't know anything about professional tug-of-war, but apparently it is a thing. thing. I don't know. We used to watch it. Randy Schaeber, we used to watch Tug of War on television as part of the Battle of the Network stars. Absolutely. Yeah. I've seen this too. I think it's on like ESPN the Ocho or something like that. They have those like, you know, interesting kind of games that they throw up on the ESPN. And that was, I've seen that live. That was, that's pretty entertaining, actually. Now they mention that these are real problems, There's real accidents that have happened in professional competitive tug of war. The rope snaps and it hits someone in the head and it kills them dead.

Like there's so much force and so much. I don't want to laugh at that. I know. I mean, you can't help it. Yeah. You can't help it. Crazy. The whip of that rope and it's so heavy that it hits folks in the noggin.

And next thing you know, they're walking into the light. Yeah. Morning. I remember when we grew up, we had the rope that had almost like the lasso at the end of it. So we would tell a kid to go in there and put it around his waist. Oh, yeah. Just start bear crawling. Probably didn't look so great after around his waist after.

But yeah, that was one of the things. We get the big guy to go in the loop and then just start crawling. And we would always win with that. Oh, God. But it was intense. Here you go, Marcus. Good luck tomorrow night against the Winnipeg. Jets, we always love chatting with you.

Yeah. Nice to hear from you guys again and happy New Year and we'll see you guys next week. Nice to have you back. Randy Schaber, Brad, Ryder, you boys, thank you very much as well. You bet. See you tomorrow. We'll be back here in a handful of minutes on the Half-Ass Morning Show. The 93X Half-Azed Morning Show.

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Oh, yeah, what are you going to do? You know, we're back. We love you, so. much. Thanks for joining us this morning. Thanks for being part of the Wednesday model of the 93x Fass morning show. Take a look here. Cubby, we've made her smooth up to 831. That's pretty good. We've had an interesting day. The turd and the chew ball. I'll remember that for a good stretch of time, I'm sure. And if you weren't listening earlier this morning, I will explain myself. when I walked in this morning, I saw what appeared to be turds placed directly out front the entry of this building.

And probably because it was early and I wasn't thinking straight, I walked right past. But then brought it up to you folks. Some of you had noticed it too. So then we got curious. We had to figure out what the hell was this a critter who took a dump out front the building or did a human being? Dana, a trooper that he is, went out, scooped it up. There was, actually, I should go back. Before you scooped it up, half of us thought maybe it was a turd. The other half of us thought maybe it was a big discarded wad of chewing tobacco, right?

Dana goes out, scoops it up, brings it into the building, probably against some kind of health code here in Hennepin County, but he brought it into the building. And fascinatingly enough, we determined that it was both. Both. It was like the perfect combo of the two, it seemed. Right in one pile out front of our door, there was a big discarded wad to chew and what we've now determined to be raccoon turds. There's a one-on-a-million type of a thing, really.

It's quite beautiful. That made our day very interesting. It was a very, very interesting start. It made it for an interesting start. The booger wall. I don't want to talk about this again. I have to because now I've brought it up. That made today also very unique.

There was a story in the stupid news repulsive. One of the worst stories I've ever heard, one of the worst stories I've ever told. Horrible. Oh, it's so bad, dude. Story of a young kid who had his own booger wall in his bedroom. He would tear disgusting cargo out of his nose. He'd wipe it on the booger wall. After years, it became eight foot wide.

I'm picturing that gum wall they had. in Seattle. Yeah. Everybody takes their gum off and sticks it on the wall. I can't. That's pretty gross. Yeah. So the poop and the chew and the booger wall has made this a very interesting day.

I just have to real quick go back to a couple more text messages that came in when we were discussing the booger wall. Somebody texted and said, I see your booger wall and raise you a piss drawer. And he says what I mean by that is my nephew used to pull the bottom drawer open from his dresser and urinate into it. So we were wondering, is there any more details here? Was he doing this in his sleep? The guy got back to me and said he was fully awake and fully aware when he was doing it. He was 10 or 11 years old. He was fully aware that he was not supposed to.

Not cool. One listener texted in to say that he used to sneak out of his bedroom in the middle of the night and go pee in his brother's beer can collection. But another listener texted and said, I see your booger wall and I see your piss drawer and I raise you a sperm wall. Oh, come on. My stomach hurts. I really don't like this. I could have phrased that, better. That's gross.

His little brother used to decorate a room. I mean, that's insane. Yes. Like, that's some, somebody should talk to that person. All of what we've mentioned is insane. I mean, the booger wall, you know. I think you should go to an insane asylum. You should definitely consult a physician or somebody.

What about the pea drawer? The pea drawer, I mean. Insane asylum, I said. I don't know about that, but the last one you said, I mean, that takes some work and some thought and some loob. That's horrible. This has also been one of the. days and we have a lot of these days around here where my wife gets home from work and we kind of compare notes about how our day at work went and they are vastly different. Your wife again does

what for a living? Second grade teacher. Second grade teacher. Right. Although she might have a bugger wall. Yeah. There might be some buggers underneath the desk and I think about it. I was going to say all this stuff seems like she could tell this story. Yeah. True. So today I think your jobs are closer than ever. That's true. That's a good point, Josh. I didn't think about it like that. You're right. I don't know what you were thinking, Dana, because there isn't much of a gap between this radio show and second graders.

There really isn't. Yeah. Think of all the humor around here. Yeah. The flatulent stuff like that. That's all right in your wife's wheelhouse as far as what she deals with. Right. Like we mentioned the other day,

like every year she has one kid that's the fart kid in class. Yeah. Just bust ass for laughs. Don't Master Flex Jesus said guys at work always be blowing their nose in their hand and wiping it on their jeans. I was mentioned in earlier. There's a guy we work with. I saw blow his nose in the sink a couple of times this morning,

which confused the heck out of me. I'd never seen that move. Come on. No, I was new to me as well. Everybody uses that sink, any farmer blows into the damn thing? Yeah. There's paper towel right there, man. Well, he grabbed one afterwards to dry his hands.

I told you guys before we went on the show that I feel weird today. I feel like oddly fainty, and this is why. We're going to put a lid on the gross right now, Ashley. We're going to put a lid on the gross right now, Ashley. We're going to put a lid on the gross. We are. Somebody has a question about the semen wall. They're wondering, was that a load-bearing wall?

It turned out to be. Yeah, it bared some load, that's for sure. Right there, Ashley, that's the lid. It's over. Yeah, it was a perfect way to wrap it up. Yeah. Thank you for that text. But I thought we needed to recap because of what a unique morning we've had personally and professionally.

Now, speaking of Dana mentioned that his latest wife is a teacher. I've been reading a lot about teachers. the last couple of days. You know, we look here and there for conversational material every day. A lot of folks are talking about they passed teachers. What they've been yapping about is what that one teacher did that got them fired back in the day. Go ahead and text us, if you like, 651-989-93. That's our Luther-Bloy-Lewington Kia text line.

Go ahead and text us. Back when you were in school, what did that one teacher do to get? fired. Anybody want to start? Slap the kid. I'll do it. Went into the girls' locker room. Well, give us more teacher. Was it a male teacher that did this? So a female teacher,

female science teacher, slapped a kid. The kid deserved it, though. So, oh gosh, really deserved it. And then she got fired not too long after that because she did some other things, too. Not a very good person. And then, yeah, then we had a high school or middle school, I can't remember.

Middle school. Middle school, middle school gym teacher. who got fired because he kept going into the girls' locker room. Oh, gross. Yuck. I could have gotten a gym teacher fired. You could have gotten a gym teacher fired? If I would have reported it, yeah. So we had two locker rooms in our high school.

One was like the gym class locker room. The other was what was called the varsity locker room. That's where pads were stored. You know, you get ready for a game. Sure. I didn't have shorts for a gym class. So I snuck into the varsity locker room to go to my football locker to get a pair of drawers. The hockey coach saw me

And this guy, he was a hothead There's stories for days about this guy Total prick Yeah and he comes screaming at me You can't be in here Wesley You know you can't be in here You can't be in here during school hours And I looked at the guy and I said

Hey, if I was one of your hockey players You wouldn't say a damn thing about this And he grabs me by the shirt like this You know kind of by the collar And starts moving me backwards And I end up falling over a bench And falls on top of me And we start wrestling a bit

And then cooler heads pervasive for both of us. We realized, like, this is not what we should be doing. And we get up, he goes, get to class. So I go to class, and I go to the gym class, go to the wait room. And afterwards, I see him in the hallways waiting for him. He goes, he comes up to apologize. He goes, hey, you know, I just, I go, I'm not going to say a thing. You know, I egged him on. The guy was a prick, but, you know, I wasn't going to get the hockey coach fired. I had friends on the team. Sure. So, yeah, I just let it go. What? That's crazy. Moved down with my life. I can't believe we haven't heard that before.

We had teachers that would get physical with you, but back then it was kind of like your parents would say, well, what'd you do to deserve it? Right. It was a little different. I never had a teacher fired. There were some teachers that there's rumors about this or that, one that liked to play pocketpool quite a bit, our algebra teacher. That was the only thing about interesting about that class to me, and he would play quite a bit. But after a teacher that I was actually maybe close to is the wrong word, but I really liked this particular teacher. a couple years later after I graduated high school,

he got fired for taking a freshman on a canoe trip to the boundary waters, just the two of them. Oh, I don't know what happened there, but it was considered quite inappropriate, as you can imagine, and he ended up not being a teacher after that. That's probably good. Yeah, Josh is right. Like when, you know, we do have an age difference here,

when Josh and I, specifically in grade school, I remember the teachers would get very physical with us. By the time you were in high school, that was a big time no-no. Yeah, huge. When you and the teacher fell over that bench on top of each other, you should have French kissed him. Like you have never French kissed before.

That would have been just to see how the guy reacts. Listen to this. I'm graduated now, but freshman year there was a band teacher that would randomly disappear and come to find out he was sexting students and taking pictures of them with a pen when he, clicked, it would take a photo. Wow. Holy nasty.

That teacher's name was Mr. Bond. Man. I had a buddy who told a story once. It was about a week after graduation. He was at a bowling alley and he saw a friend of his down at one of the lanes. So he goes over to, and he sees, she's bowling with one of the teachers. He's like, well, that's kind of odd. And he looked up at the screen, you know, you type in your names.

And the names were Daddy and Daughter. Okay. That's kind of weird. Yeah. I'm guessing that... Oh, that was their cover. Yeah, that was their name. You know, that's like maybe their pet names for each other or something.

Or their sexual pet names. Yes. And then he said he did one of those kind of like, I mean, this wasn't the thing of the time, but kind of the Homer Simpson back into the bush thing. He goes, I was approaching them to go say hi. I saw the names and I just go, nope. That's bold to do that out in public. That's a week after graduation.

Like, it's not like that just. started. Yeah. Is it possible that they were father, daughter, and you two never, you folks never knew it? No, no, they weren't. I only had one teacher get fired when I was in grade school. Again, back to grade school, he was a braw snapper.

And he got fired. Here are some of the answers that I'm seeing, and we're asking you to text in. What did that one teacher do back when you were in school? What did that teacher do to get fired? Here's what I have in front of me as of this very moment. Teacher brought her boyfriend to school so they could fold each other's brains out in the janitor's closet. He's sitting through classes waiting.

It's hot stuff, isn't it, Josh? Yeah, yeah. I mean, teacher and her boyfriend? It could be worse. They made a baby in the janitor's closet. I saw the baby. It looked at me. It's a Simpsons reference for everybody out there.

She brought her boyfriend to school And they would Buh, bough, bang in the janitor's closet Uh Well, you know, some of this stuff I would I would hope you could get away with it Oh, yeah

One teacher taped another teacher to a chair as a prank Shouldn't get fired for that That's funny Duck taping the teacher down like a hazing thing I mean I guess I don't know the relationship But I would find that funny if one of you You guys duct tape me to the chair. Yeah.

I would see the humor there. I'm running a duct tape tomorrow. You're right. We don't know the relationship between the two. Maybe they were bitter enemies, you know. You work with someone every day. You might gain an enemy or two. Oh, wow.

Stealing from the cafeteria cash register. How sleazy is that? Yeah, wow. Pulling a few 20s out of the friggin' cafeteria cash register. You lose your teaching job. Ah, the DUI. That'll get a teacher gassed, specifically when you, as they put it here, catch a DUI at 4 o'clock in the school parking lot. Woo-wee!

Josh, if you had a dime for every time you told a drunk teacher at work story in your news report. I know. Lately, it seems more than ever. Maybe it's just reported more. I understand, but... A teacher was making bongs in the art room and selling them to students. That's pretty sweet. They would always plug those. That sucked. Plug those?

Yeah, we would try to make weed pieces in ceramics, and the ceramics teacher would put, like, a little bit of clay in it, so it would block the pipe part. Before they throw in the kiln and make it solid? Yeah, that would suck. Except I got to a certain point in my high school career, and I took so many ceramics classes. I was friends with the ceramics teacher, and he let me do it.

Like, go for it. Whatever. I don't care what you do. You're graduating soon. Whatever, you've earned it. I had a buddy who he used to make that stuff in shop and wood shop and whatever class, and he never got in trouble. I couldn't believe it. And he made some good money on it.

He was very talented. Oh, he sold it. That's cool. Yeah, any evil talent you could have, he was the best at. Yeah. I think a lot of our teachers looked the other way when guys were making pot smoking devices. Yeah, it seemed to be the case. Yeah.

Oh, wow, man. Wait a second, man. What do you think the teacher is going to look like this year? Boy, a lot of our listeners, a lot of our listeners know how to text, don't they, Josh? They're very good at it, very funny stuff. A lot of texts have come in. We've been talking about teachers. Specifically, what did that one teacher do back when you were in school?

What did that one teacher do to get fired? Some very dramatic answers, very original. A few of these are very original ways to get, Gassed from your teaching job. I was saying earlier, like, we never had a teacher fired, but there was definitely activities that certainly nowadays would get them fired, if not making the news, like that just were overlooked or maybe were accepted back then. I'm not sure.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. There was a lot of stuff that was... Between language and being physical and things like that. Acceptable, 45, 50 years ago, wildly unacceptable today. But some of this stuff is so unique. A teacher got fired for stealing the school. toilet paper so they could stock their bed and breakfast that they were opening up

his house. Nobody can wipe their behind at school because the teacher's stealing all the, and stocking his bed and breakfast, which opens this spring. What a friggin' dork. During the pandemic, when there was toilet paper shortages of all things, people were stealing it here. It was crazy. There's just none.

I would have loved to have seen this. one of our listeners up in the North Metro he is by God teacher got fired on the spot for picking up a kid's desk and throwing it out the window that's when you know you've had enough oh man that would have been just beautiful one teacher got fired because he couldn't keep his balls in his pants according to one of our listeners geez well no no you're misunderstanding

I understand why you might have thought. Were you thinking he was showing them to people? Yeah. I don't blame you. I don't blame you. Nowadays, that's how it is. No, it sounds like the dude, he was a gym teacher. He wore the little short shorts in the 1970s,

and he couldn't keep his balls from rolling out of his pants. Well, you'd think that you could correct that. So it sounds like maybe he didn't want to correct that. If somebody said, dude, your balls keep hanging out, I would change the shorts that I'm wearing. I don't know. I told my dad a few times to, buy some bigger shorts because his nuts kept hopping on him.

He never changed a damn thing. Well, he could have had he wanted to, is my point. If you're in front of kids, maybe it's a good idea. Guy couldn't keep his balls in his pants. All right. Cocaine, drinking, sex on the job. Drugs, drinking and sex on the job. Inappropriate behavior has been the most common answer we've gotten.

But like I said, I mean, some of this stuff, they found out that one teacher was plotting to kill another. Oh, my God. We're going to let this play out a little thing. I don't like that guy. Found a shotgun in his car. Found out that the teacher had cyanide on him. Oh, my goodness.

I feel like that's hard to come by. Yeah. Why? I don't know who I have some very degenerative friends, but I don't know which one I would call to get cyanide. Oh, I got a guy. Do you have? I guess I'm called Josh. One teacher was playing around with kids at the summer camp, right?

And that's terrible. But also, when he went to court for this, he was planning on killing everyone in the courthouse. He brought mercury into the courthouse and was plotting to kill everyone involved. Now, I don't have a mercury guy, Dana. No, no. You don't either. I'm all out. You might not ask your cyanide guy.

Maybe he's got a mercury guy. They might know each other. The wrong parents found out that one of the, we've heard this story, the wrong parents found out that one of the teachers was also a naked model on the side. Oh, yeah. I didn't have time to get to it, but I have a story similar to that coming up in the news sometime this week. Oh. Right.

So the wrong parents found out, okay, our children's teacher is also a naked model on the Internet. And they rush to the, what do they call the grander bosses of a school? Like they rush her intend. They rushed to the district meeting or whatever, and they call her out and she got fired. There's another time where we're having a drinking party. We were juniors or seniors. It was a summertime. And one of the assistant principals lived in the neighborhood of the kid who was thrown the party.

So some people went and ding-dong ditched them. You know, and they sprinted back to the house. You know, it was kind of like one of those connecting backyards type situations and ran through the back door. The principal ended up chasing the kids. And all of a sudden the principal is just right there in the basement, you know, because he was so pissed. He was trying to, you know. And all of a sudden he realized like, okay, there's kids drinking and smoking. I should not be in here.

Yep. Kind of left. And when there was one kid, he was so high. And he goes, I'll use a different name. He goes, wait a minute. Was that Mr. Johnson? That's awesome. Yeah, dude, sure was.

Officer Nasty Jesus said that teacher, which says a girl teacher. let a male student fire her into the weeds. Oh. Yeah, those stories are far too common. Throw those people away. The tall grass. A shop teacher threw a hammer at a student. Probably deserved it.

The shop teachers always seem to have to be the ones with the temper. They were so cool. Oh, our shop teachers were different. Okay, I will say our shop teacher was a little different. He had, like, he always wore sleeves. I always wore long sleeve shirts, sweatshirts. In any picture he had in his room, you could never see, I can't remember what arm it was, but one of his arms was always covered up.

And so, like, this, like, huge thing started about how, like, maybe he was in a shark attack, maybe this, this, this. And he ran with it. He was, he was, like, weird about it. He's like, no, there's just nothing. He knew the, he knew the curious minds of young people. Yeah. And he knew the story could reach levels he never thought imaginable.

Just goofy. The story was he had an old wound, I would imagine. Yeah, something like that. Or he would, you know, he'd tell us what to do in the beginning of class and then spend the rest of the class period walking around with a really long ruler trying to like get people tapping on the shoulder, trying to get them to turn one way. It's just a goofy guy. I was wondering if it was like an offensive tattoo or something like that.

Ah, that's probably more common. Then a shark attack? Yeah. I think statistically. Well, you know, he was a shop teacher too. So the common story was that he messed it up on a table saw. Our shop teacher was awesome. Ours were as odd as the day is long.

Just odd. Everything about them, their personality, their appearance. It was like a cartoon variety show. Josh, here's a teacher who. got fired for showing her boobs to students in a world of Warcraft chat room. What the heck. That's probably the only pair of some of those kids will ever see. So you're saying it was more charitable than wrong?

Yeah. That was my first thought. She's giving them a life experience. She ain't lying. Uh, promo. Yeah. Oh, God. 100%.

One teacher got fired for. God, hired a hooker. It was an undercover cop. You know, it's weird how often you hear those stories, too, right? A principal or a teacher getting picked up for something like that. The nuns used to beat our asses, one of our listeners says. Oh, yeah. He says they were never fired for it, but he takes great pleasure knowing that they are currently in hell.

Yeah, definitely got some experience there. I mentioned before. Did you take a beating? Not a beating, but certainly you get slapped. Sometimes you get the ruler. And it was always for kind of like really minor things. I think they just wanted to take some, you know, they're not getting any, right? Establish power.

They're frustrated. And so like you'd get, like if you talked or something. Or it looked like you weren't paying attention. They tried to straighten you out right from the get-go. Yeah. I'd mentioned this before, but I had a hockey coach, this was high school, our hockey coach slash science teacher could throw an eraser at you with deadly accuracy. Although one time I was collateral damage because it bounced off the kid next to me

head and got me in the head. So it was a two for one. Yeah. That was pretty awesome, to be honest with you. Every time he threw that eraser, did his balls fall out of his pants? No, he wore jeans. You know, actually breezers. He wore breezers. Did he? Hockey coach. We got to go. Happy 51st to Jeffro. The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

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