93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Like a Fart in the Shower

Episode Date: June 4, 2026

Originally Aired June 4, 2026: Veterinarian Doctor Andrea answers pet questions. The bees are watching you. Everything you wanna know about emotional boners.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back.

With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-assed morning show. Ninety-three. You bet. We are ready to go, I guess, on the 93X half-ass morning show. Although I'm not sure where to start.

Where do you want to go with this from the get-go, Josh? You want to start with something silly, something dramatic? What other choices do I have here? something like observational. What's the vibe you're feeling this morning? I like silly. Do you like silly? Because things are pretty serious for you off air right now.

You're not having a good time off of them. No, no, not at all. Are you bound up again? No, no, no, no. You know, I figured that out. You did? Yeah, I got the treadmill walking? That's a big part of it.

Yes, 99% of the decisions I make every day are so I can go poop. And I've got a butt gal now. I've got a butt guy. They figured it out for me. good. That makes me happy. No, it has nothing to do with his bowels or his gear or anything disgusting like that because the dude, it was a good guess, though, eight times out of ten, Josh has something wrong with one or both of those things. He's just having some computer problems over there. So I'm not surprised you want to start silly because there's a darkness

hovering around Josh. I almost went as far as to, just like back in the day, screaming computer. Oh, God. It was, I get very frustrated. Ashley. Oh, you should have been here back in the day. And I'd have to scream computer. He would fold. He would bust a spring. You guys probably have yet to see that from him. Me screaming computer? Yes, since

DeBothi has joined the show. I thought I remember you doing it when I first started. I don't know. Yeah, it was just kind of a thing I would do. Sometimes at the most minor of inconveniences for humor. These friggin' computers, these frigging computers have gotten Josh to completely pop

this alternate character. Screaming, yelling. You want to start silly? Fine. Fair enough. I like that choice. An emotional boner. Sounds pretty silly to me. I don't really know if this exists, but it's a conversation that's going around. An emotional boner.

Name the other boner types that you're aware of, Josh. Well, there's, of course, the aroused boner. Sure. There's the no reason boner. NRB. There's the P-boner. Right. There's the morning boner.

Oh, the morning one, yeah. There's boner from growing pains. Right. Yeah, that's, wow, you got it covered for the most. What about the awkward boner? Like, just it's an inappropriate time. Well, that's maybe, what I have here is information on the emotional boner. This is a boner that I've never heard from.

And it might fall under the category of the awkward. boner. But this is all new or we can maybe make a decision collectively later. This is, apparently this started on the godless internet. There was a video going around of a groom to be proposing to his love interest. And in this video, I haven't watched the video, but the word is, while this dude is proposing to his love interest, he's got a rod. Yeah, it certainly appears to be a boner. He's got a full-on rod ski tearing away at the front of his pants. A couple other suggestions for the types of boners from the brother and sisterhood, a fear boner.

I've never had one of those. Maybe there are more of these than I was ever aware of. A tired boner. Sure. Just all of a sudden, you're exhausted. And here we go. Yeah. There is so many.

There are maybe more than thanks for texting in. If you're aware of a certain boner style that maybe hasn't made its way to our neighborhood and you'd like to. Oh, Jesus. There's so many. I can't pick your favorite. I've never heard of this. A road trip boner. What the hell is that?

I wonder if it's from sitting so long. You just activate a nerve in some way and boing. Okay. I put you a boeing sound effect. But my computer's not working today. It's the computer that's got him pissed off this morning. Yeah, maybe by the end of this conversation, we learn way more than there's a hate boner, according to Red Bull Jesus claims there's a hate boner, the lady boner. What's the lady boner?

I guess, I don't know, just being horny. So like just a girl being horny? Yeah. Okay, so it's figurative. Jesus, there's a flu boner. There is. When you get a deep enough, a listener says, when you get a deep enough case of the flu,

it gives you a boner. Oh, there's the old skin splitting boner as the text machine is rolling through. Wow. We decided to start silly. And instead, we have maybe started, maybe it's better defined as educational.

The guilty boner, the bumpy road boner. the startled boner, the airplane boner. Is there a wind pant boner? Just like that fabric's going to move around and kind of brush up against things? This is amazing how much knowledge our listening audience has and is willing to share with us this morning via our text machine. The Luther Bloomington, I'll tell you, the folks,

if there was ever a morning where the Luther Bloomington Kia folks wanted to be, you know, listening in, maybe at times they wonder how useful our text machine is, Maybe sometimes, Josh, they wonder, do we really need to sponsor their text machine? They're getting their money's worth today. They're getting their money's worth today. I was telling Nick off the air, if I could have a superpower, just a bizarre superpower, it'd be able to, this is going to sound maybe cringy, to give a man an erection by, not by turning them on, which if they're human, they're going to get turned on around me, but just at an inappropriate time.

Maybe there's an enemy of the state or something, and they're delivering a, you know, eulogy somewhere and it's a horrible situation and you get them a boner, people are going to hate their guts where every single horrible situation, they're aroused. This sounds like... They're really turned on by this terrible news. This sounds like the evil, the ultimate evil prank you could pull on somebody. Can you imagine? Right.

Like Putin, he's there talking about all the terrible deaths in war and he's getting more and more aroused. If people think this is the worst guy ever. With him, I bet you wouldn't be able to notice. But never take that seriously. You don't like me. Let's say in some wild, bizarreo universe, you don't like me. But you and I are at the same funeral, and I walk up on to the stage, if that's a thing, at a funeral, to give a eulogy.

And you give me, with your superpowers, you give me this showstopper of a hard on. I see what you mean. You're a doctor delivering a terrible diagnosis. Oh, doctor. It's completely aroused. I go to one of your family functions, and you introduce me to your sister, right? Yeah.

In front of a crowd. Boom, I've got a showstopper right then and there. What's this guy doing with a hard on? All he's done is met Josh's sister. Who is this guy? What's wrong with this guy? There are so many, I can't believe this when you look at the text machine. I can't believe how many different styles of boners there are.

I had no idea. I really thought when Josh listed four or five of them that that was it. What about the climbing the ropes in gym class, Boner? Sure. We never had that. You never had the ropes or you never got the boner? Well, I could shoot ropes. We never had either.

We never had the boner in Jim. Man, when Garth dumped that line in Wayne's World when he's talking about the hot babe and he says, kind of reminds kind of makes me feel like we need to climb the ropes in gym class, I related to that immediately. Really? Yeah, we never did that either. All right. Let me just get through this.

The original conversation that we were going to have here was about an emotional boner. And I'd never heard that vibe before. So again, a video is going around of a dude proposing to his lady. And he pops wood. Some people commented and called it the ultimate green flag. This is a sign that this love will last forever. Others thought it was really strange that the dude would. get wood in that friggin situation.

It is a bit odd. Then some folks dove into the conversation. You know how social media and the internet works. Everyone just keeps diving in, puking their opinion up. Some of it was great. Some of it was terrible. Some folks jumped in and said, this is a real thing. It's a real psychological response.

The slying term that everyone came up with was emotional boner or emo bone. I like that. And it's basically, launch in wood over an emotional connection. You love something or someone so much that some bitch grows to its peak. Never heard of that. But the biggest takeaway from this conversation, and we've covered this on the air a handful of times over the years,

we've had to teach people this. We have, Josh and I have. The biggest takeaway is that having an erection isn't always about sex. Yeah, you guys taught me that. I would say most often it's not. Most often it is not. So they go on and on about biological this, psychological that.

What triggers an emotional boner? Let's see here. What do they say? It's brought on by intense non-sexual feelings. I can go ahead right now, full on, for alarm, and tell you for sure I have never had an emotional boner. I have never looked at something or someone and been so excited or in love with that thing or that person to where I stressed out the front of my pants. I've never had an emotional boner.

I knew a dude that was kind of like the opposite. It was very, very strange. I did not hook up with him anymore after this. He told me that when his ex-girlfriend would, like, cry about not like anything he did, but just in general, like, be sad about. something, it would turn him on. And I was like, that seems alarming. He was turned on by sadness? Yeah.

Like he would, yeah, actually like, get a boner. His own or others? Others. Oh. He was turned, wait a minute. He was turned on by the sadness of others? Yeah, his ex-girlfriend. Well, at the time, it was his girlfriend.

Like, when she would cry about something random, like, I don't know, her hamster died. Like, he would get a boner. He hated her so much. No, he liked her. He loved her. It just, like, turned him on for some reason. When somebody else was very sad. I thought that was very strange.

That is strange. I stopped talking to him. Kind of freaked me out. Love, how did you find out that he got a heart on from sadness? He told me. He told you. It was a, yeah, one of those conversations. Okay.

One of those conversations. One of those weird, weird sexual conversations. Love and hate aren't the only emotions that we feel. Of course, there's conversation here about deep intimacy is one emotion that can cause an emotional boner. Vulnerability, relief. Oh, God, I found they got through their work week. You got a hard on. Stress.

Oh, God, I got a big task at work tomorrow. You get a hard on from stress. This is all. Is this for real, Josh? I've never had a stress boner that I'm aware of. No, I don't think I ever. I've only had the ones that you explained, Josh. You got your sex.

Yep. You got your pee. That's right. You got your sleepy. You know it. What else did you mention? I've only had the basic boners. Yeah, me too.

I'm kind of a basic bitch. You basic boner bitches. I am. This person says they just got a boner conversation boner. Yeah. Talk about it too much. Sure. It's erotica.

F. be running. This can't be real. The real Al Bundy Jesus has, he's cleared me up. I was wondering if there's a wind pants boner. That falls under the umbrella of a friction boner. That makes sense. if a man gets an emotional boner around you.

Do you want some advice, Ashley? Sure. On if a man gets an emotional boner around you, it means he feels incredibly safe, vulnerable, and deeply connected to you. Yeah, now I'm wondering if anybody has ever gotten an emotional boner around me. I would take that as a compliment. This is either the most fascinating subject.

It's become that, thanks to our listing audience, who is so dialed into this. They know everything there is about the different types, hundreds of different types of books. This is either the most fascinating conversation that we've ever stumbled into, or complete nonsense. It might take me all day to figure it out.

There's someone here who has a, The Wife Isn't Wearing a Brabona. Sure, I can, yeah, definitely. It's been there. The wife isn't wearing, that's all it takes for you. The wife isn't wearing a bra. I like that one. Have you guys ever been boner shamed or boner shamed somebody else?

I have not. Boner shame. Oh, do you mean like people were making fun of your boner? Yeah, or you were telling somebody else, like you got to put that boner away. It's funny. Wasn't it just yesterday I was telling the story about that couple at the coffee shop? Yeah. And now we're talking boners.

That was weird. Yes, Josh. I once was, that's so great that you could even come up with that question. Because I never would have thought of this. But yes, in eighth grade. I fell asleep in math class and when I woke up the entire class was celebrating my

boner it was all led this celebration was led by the gal who sat directly next to me I had fallen asleep and while I was asleep here we go right the sleep boner right we were talking

while I was asleep I launched this unbelievable silo in my tiny little O.P. If you're little older, you know what I'm talking about. My little OP shorts. Ocean Pacific.

I about destroyed these shorts. I almost ripped at the seams. So I woke up and led by this gal next to me, the whole class was making fun of my boner. And they were all, I mean, it was quite

the wake-up to, I came to and they're all just hovering over me, staring at my and then on an airplane once, I guess. I was sort of boner ashamed. Same thing. I took a bunch of dope and a bunch of beer before an airplane ride.

I loved that Xanax and beer for a while. Oh, it worked for me perfectly, Xanax and beer. To where as soon as I sat my sorry ass down in the airplane, I would fall completely asleep and I would stay that way until we landed at our destination. There was a brief window of time where I had that mastered. And I warned the two, just for the record, adorable college age gals that were sitting in the row with me.

I warned them when I sat down. I said, I'm gooned on drugs and beer. I'm going to fall asleep momentarily. If you need to, push me up against the window. If I end up falling on you, just do whatever you need to do with me. I apologize ahead of time because I'm going to get a little wobbly. And they said, don't worry about it. When we hit the ground at our destination, I woke up and I had a massive erection in my pants

and the two college gals were laughing at me. I would have been two, yeah. I don't blame them at all. The eighth grade... That sucks. I'm sorry. No, no, I didn't mind that at all. I mean, there's way, way worse things to be laughed at about than a boner. The eighth grade situation was a little more confusing to me.

I was wondering why I was the center of attention. What are you all doing hovering over my desk? And then I look down and, oh, that's why, you know. There's way worse things to be made fun of for. I was fine with it. both. I'd just be pleased if someone could tell. As long as that was going on, maybe the embarrassment would be minor compared to that. I'll be damned. This is going to take all day to sift through these text messages because I want to learn about all these different types of boners. I had no

idea. Someone texted in to say airplane boners are the worst, the worst to deal with. Never had one. Well, I haven't been on a lot of planes, but I've been on enough where you probably have never fallen asleep on a plane, have you? No, I haven't. Right. There's a rain Boner. Oh, it's raining this morning. It is? Yeah. Well, at least it was when I was driving in. You drive in about three or four hours earlier than the rest of us, John. I need the free car wash. I hope it's still

going. There's the you could cut glass with that thing, Boner. I'm going through the different... Sometimes you want that one and it doesn't happen. You know, you almost wish you could bank it for a later to use it at a later day. Where it's like, out. Put it in the Boner bank. You're in

mine. This is truly fascinating. I had no No clue. No clue. Here's a listener who said I got a boner last night after watching the Spurs lose in the NBA final. Don't blame it for that one bit. My computer doesn't work, so Wimbi Yami? Oh, you normally you'd play the...

Oh, yeah, Boing. Okay, anyone want to explain to me the dead hamster boner? That's the story Ashley told. What did she say? Oh, right. Yeah. I'm sorry. There's so much going on, Ashley.

Yes, I quickly forgot about. Oh, it's okay. Your story was very interesting. I know it's been told many times, but it's a good story, and maybe people haven't heard it. Nick, you'll have to tell the story about a former coworker in the basement boner. Oh, no. Of our old building.

Oh, wow. I might have just confused Dana and Ash and saying, we don't have a basement here. Yeah. That was one of the most funny spur of the moment great times I had back in those days. Because I did not have a lot of good times back in those days. I didn't like what I was doing and who I was doing it with here at the radio station. I just didn't.

But this one coworker comes along. God rest his soul. We talked about him not that long ago. What were we referring to when we... Oh, geez. I know we just talked about him. I can't remember. Oh, he ate the pound of bacon and the five sticks of butter.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We just talked about him a few days ago. This guy did brighten my days. he was just a character. And a couple years ago, he died. It was very sad. So this guy, I mean, I thought I behaved poorly in my early days here at the radio station with the drinking and carrying on and staying up all night.

This guy took it to a whole different level. He would show up multiple days in a row without sleeping just because he was partying his balls off. He was having the time of his life. And very often when the show would. end at 9 o'clock in the morning, he would just fall completely asleep in a chair because he was so hammered. Well, one of these days down in the basement of the old radio building, he falls asleep in a chair in the corner. And me and our one of our prior promotions directors come down into the basement and enter the room. There's only one person in the room and that's our old co-worker. He's

sound asleep. And he has this wicked boner in his shorts. It's, it's, it's, licking the ceiling for God's sake. It's just horrible. It's horrible. And our old promotions, he's completely out cold. Our old promotions gal says this. His name was Donnie. She says, Ew, Donnie. Wake up. You've got a boner. And Donnie just barely comes to, doesn't even open up his eyes, he says this. You ain't never seen a boner. There was something about how that all played itself. I think it's better just because I can picture that entire moment.

Both those people, they're both such big personalities. Yes. And that was how she talked very often. Everything was like this. And loud. Loud. Josh, take your promotions van to be washed today. That was how she came off.

You ain't never seen a bone. he says. Well, we've said too much, but we've learned a lot. This has been fun. I had no idea. What else is going on today? We have a guess. We've got to get the boner talk out of the way.

Yeah, good call. Because it would be inappropriate to talk boners or have a boner when our veterinarian, Dr. Andrea, come from. We can talk dog boners with her, I guess. Oh, dog boners are disgusting. Worst part about having a boy dog. She's very comfortable with that conversation. We've had those conversations before with Dr. Andrea. But yeah, we might as well get this stuff out of the way.

Oh, God. You guys are filthy. Oh, did we ever post that video, Ashley, what started at all, the gentleman who's proposing with an erection? I cannot find it. Okay, well, I'll send it to you. Okay, thank you. I appreciate it.

You're welcome. Have you ever, Ashley, danced with a man and discovered that he was packing wood? Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah, what's that like? It's like a common occurrence. It is? Like the times that I've danced with the guy, yeah.

You're like bumping and grinding back in the day? Yeah. Was that like a goal of yours, or it just kind of happened? Just kind of happened. I guess I wasn't considering the bumping and grinding. I was just talking about just a regular, like, slow dance. You're at a wedding or something like. I'm not sure if that's happened.

Okay, okay. It's usually like all involved in one situation, so I don't know, like, what dancing is the reason for the boner. I forgot about once you two younger people started going to dances and whatnot, you would just basically dry hump each other into oblivion. Looking back, I feel so bad for the

chaperones, the teachers that had to sit there and just basically watch us just annihilate each other. Yeah, that's terrible. The distance we were at was whoever had the shortest wingspan, basically, when you just kind of, it's going as far away from each other as possible. We couldn't

get up close, nothing. That became the in thing when you guys it was just a boom boom he just banging each other out with clothes on yes right and very little clothes too i was talking about just your standard a gal friend of mine uh has this funny story that i still i still enjoy hearing her tell the story at a wedding reception years ago um a good guy friend of hers asked her to dance and they did it was a slow dance and the dude was just impaling her the entire time with a heart on, right? During the slow dance. Yeah.

He had a lot of beers in him. We were young, whatever. But it is still funny. Whenever we see the guy, still to this day, I can't help but think about it, and she always mentions it. She has no ill will towards the guy. Again, we were young and drunk,

but every once in a while, she'll say, yeah, he pressed his boner up against me. He had a wedding dance once. There's a movie from, I think, 1999 called The Wood with Omar Epps and Tay Diggs. It comes up on my cable setup once in a while. I never watched it, but I know the movie you're talking about. Yeah, so one of them is getting married, and they're also, like, showing flashbacks to when they were growing up together, and there's, like, middle school dance.

And one of the characters, he's slow dancing with a girl, you know, just close, you know, on the chest. And all of a sudden, like, he kind of, like, shoves her out like this and gets her in arm's length. And she goes, what are you doing? He goes, oh, no, this is all we do in North Carolina. We do the far away dance. We don't touch. He just, the panic on his face, like, oh! On the topic of an erection on the dance floor, I got to say, that local group Next and their song too close.

That one still bothers you. It was so silly. It was a catchy song, but when I realized what it was about, I thought, you got to be kidding me. This woman's talking about a little poke from an erection. I remember that one. And I remember. Yeah when you discovered

What's the song called? Too close. Yeah. I just looked at the lyrics. The very first lyric is I wonder if she could tell I'm hard right now. Yeah, you know what? If I paid any attention, I would have realized

immediately what it was. Oh, it was about a boner. I wonder if they're still around. Minneapolis group called Next. We've got to get going, but I have had fun over the years. Josh has had these awakenings where he learned

that something that he thought at first was pure, wasn't so pure after all. And it troubles him because he's a Catholic. That song right there. Okay, he has a hard time, and I'm not trying to be cute with that over that song because it's about about 17 by Winger. He's not so much he like.

Oh, I love the song. I can't listen anymore. subject matter. At the time I thought it was cool. Because the gal is only 17. He says that's illegal. What are they talking about? Why did Kip Winger say that? Why is he thinking about a gal is 17? And at the time when it came out, when the time it came out, I was young. So I thought, ooh, an older woman. Right. He doesn't like 17 anymore because that could be pushing the laws of decency and this and that. He doesn't like that Christmas song anymore about how it's a cold outside. He doesn't like that one. Once I kind of learned all these different things. It's funny, people are texting in saying they also had

no idea the song too close was out of boner about a boner. What was the long time ago? What the hell's it matter with you people? I just text my daughter because I forget, you might remember the song, Nick, but I forget what it was. It's a popular song, and she had to do a project for school, and it was like a writing assignment. She printed out the lyrics. It was Survivor.

What song? Do you remember? I love Survivor. Go ahead. I love this story. So she printed out this. I see on the printer, I was going to go grab something, and I see. this writing and it's just complete smut.

It's filth. I'm like, what the heck is she doing in class? Why would she write something like this? But it wasn't really filth, though. To me it was. That's what makes it so... And I thought for like a project in school that was ridiculous. It's so funny.

Your definition of filth is very, very different than... But go ahead. Oh, I can't hold back. She just texts me back. Yeah. Okay. So I got to look up the lyrics for this. Great song, by the way.

They had some good stuff, Survivor. I've actually been watching a lot of Survivor in the last couple months on YouTube. So, yeah, I remember when you first told me this story that you thought that you had found some smut. I thought, why is she writing this? Some filth that belonged to your stepdaughter. You know, you thought maybe it was a poem she had written for someone or a song she had written. Yeah, I thought she had written this. So go ahead. Survivor, I can't hold back.

80's song. Read these lyrics now that you called filth. I'm trying to find the part that I thought was filthy. How about was it? I can feel you tremble. when we touch and I feel the hand of fate reaching out to both of us? That must be. Oh, that's terrible.

My goodness. What's wrong with the young people? Is this the drugs that causes them to act like that? That is such a good song, though, isn't it? I can feel you tremble when we touch. I can't hold back. I'm on the edge. Your voice explodes inside my head.

I can't hold back. I won't back down. Girl, it's too late to turn back now. Man, I won't feel like I need to hit the dump button on you. That's so filthy. Yeah, who is this? Snoop Dog? Who is this?

It's foul. They had some good stuff. It's a pretty song. The video's really dumb. The video's really dumb, he says. It's so stupid. this is one year before I got that boner in class. This was my seventh grade year. Somebody here has a survivor boner. Yeah, I understand. That is so funny. It's pure smart. It is so frigging funny to me that you found those lyrics and you were concerned. You remember a two-like career?

protested in front of other concerts. They thought that was just too much. They're like, guys, there's a limit. Oh, two live crew? Yeah. My wife listened to that kind of mean. I think back to the songs that I listened to as a kid. And then when I got a little older, I listened to the lyrics and it dawned on me exactly what was going on.

Great Expectations by Kiss is one of the filthiest songs I've ever heard. Well, wait a minute. I should say it was filthy for 1975. for 1975. Now you wouldn't think. But I used to sing that song. As a five-year-old kid, I made my mother and all of my mother and her girlfriends were drinking one night at the house.

And I was so in love with Kiss and the record Destroyer and all the songs on that record. One of them was great expectations. And I made my mother and all of her girlfriends watch me sing them the song. So I put the song on the record player and I sang them the song. And they were laughing their asses off. but I remember thinking, what's so funny? I was singing it perfectly. I knew every word, and they were dying laughing.

And then I get a little older, and I realized because I was a five-year-old kid singing these wildly sexually... Suggestive? Yeah, it goes, and you watch me playing guitar and you feel what my fingers can do? You watch me singing the song, you see what my mouth can do. And you wish... You were the one I was doing it to. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Picture me as a five-year-old singing this to a group of 40-year-old women. And yeah, you see what my mouth can do when you wish you were the one I was doing it to. Weird song by Kiss, weird song, but I love it. It's also weird to sing that to your mom's friends. Gene Simmons, everybody. You sitting in your seat.

and then you stand and clutch your brass. Our music drives you wild along with the rest. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Ful-Send Golf, part of the Full Send podcast. All right, the Full Send Golf channel. I was like, let's go to the range. Then fell in love with it. This pot is about to be crazy. I don't even know what's going to happen. Join the party on the golf course. You guys know how much I really, really love golf. All right, so then we got two pots to break 80 here. Get it there, right?

You wouldn't want it any other way, brother. These are the ones we practice. Go, go, go, go. Yeah. Oh, let's go. It's go. It's go. It's going to go.

It's just like a boy's scrap. Full scent golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. It's mornings like this, Covey, when you consider the content of our opening conversation, it makes me wonder, what is taken so friggin' long

for the Marconi Award that we so obviously deserve? We spent our opening break talking about the male erection, otherwise known as a boner, a bonesky, a bonon, a Rodney. I had no idea there were so many variations

of the bizone. We got to talking about an emotional boner. This is something that folks have been discussing on the godless internet where an overwhelming emotion, whether it be love, hate, fear, stress can cause you to pop. Woodski. I mean, I was aware of like the sleepy boner, the pea boner. I was aware of a few of them. But our listening audience went on to text us hundreds of different boner styles that I was unaware of.

or I just disregarded and didn't never took seriously in the past. I either had never heard of them or I disregarded them, didn't think of them as legitimate. Here are some text messages on the subject. One listener says, it's never fun, but it's a real thing. The doctor's office, boner. Oh, yeah. I haven't had one of those. Well, I had a medically induced one, but I've never had one just out of nowhere.

You guys have experienced that. Well, only once. when I'm getting checked out for a terrible cold or the flu or I've had gout in the past and I've had to go to the doctor many times for gout from my heart I've never but when I when they were checking me for testicular cancer in that dark warm room with an attractive nurse and a in a tool they were rubbing all over my unit and my bag yeah I got myself about halfway there just because the vibe was beautiful oh I had a a quarter. In that particular case, yeah, I thought you guys meant all the way. You had a quarter one there. Yeah, man, it's as close as I can. Exact same situation when you get that bultrasound.

Everything you described. The bolter sound. Except for the hot nurse. I didn't have that. The dreaded work boner has gotten me a few times. There's a plumber in our listing audience who says a few of the customers are pretty attractive. I've had a work boner. Trim Carbender Jesus, you know, sometimes I'm in a

situation where I'm thinking to myself, I cannot get a boner right now and that's the fastest way for me to get a boner really it's he don't get a boner oh here we go i got a boner now the nrb of course is world renowned the no reason boner is world renowned it's known from one corner all the way to the here's an nrb story from a listener who says i was at my in-law's house just sitting down watching tv i got an nrb and that was when my wife asked me to get up off the couch and change our daughter's diaper i said no Yeah, that's a terrible time to have one. Wife got pissed.

I just flatly refused to change the diaper of our... Afterwards, I explained to my wife. I said, I apologize. I wasn't trying to be a prick. I just had a massive heart on, and I didn't want your parents to see it. Josh, there's the corduroy boner. Yeah, would that be the friction boner under that umbrella?

Because I had asked if there was a wind-pants boner, and it was clarified to me that that would just be a friction bone. I'm taking your word for it because, again, I was unaware of a lot of this. The big rig boner. You get a boner from bouncing down the road. Sure, the movement. Oh, for Christ's sake, my dad was an over-the-road truck driver for 45 years. That's a lot of big rig boners.

He just constantly had a heart on. I guess he did. I'm really glad that I'm not a dude. You're glad you're not a dude? Yeah, I just, I don't know. I think I would have a boner all the time. You think so? Yeah, I think I'd just be one of those people.

What makes you think that? I don't know. Everybody's so hot. And, like, I don't know. I think I would be one of those people that gets like a stress boner and a sad boner. Everyone is so hot? What does that mean? You're attracted to everyone?

Yeah, like, I just, at least as a woman, like, if you think someone's hot or, like, really attractive, you could just, like, completely hide it. Like, nothing. You don't show any signs of finding somebody attractive. Like, a dude, like, for the most. part, you guys can't hide it when you're like really into somebody. But here's something. Once you get past about 15, maybe even less than that, maybe 13, you really don't pop

wood just by looking at someone. So it's a problem we only have to deal with for a brief period of our lives. Yeah, but it still sucks though that you have to deal with that at all. Yeah, I agree. You're very kind. Thank you. I think it's a minor inconvenience than what women have to deal with on a daily basis. I guess you're right.

That's a guy trying to get laid right there. It just sounds stressful. Do you want to have a conversation on that, Josh? What would you rather have a boner or a period? A boner. Oh, I'd rather have a boner. Really? I mean, for me.

Even if I could only get one every 28 days. If that's all the boners I'd have, yeah, you got the rough end of that one. I guess for some women it's really bad, but for me it's not. It's like whatever. Sorry, somebody clarified about the boner at the doctor's office. Again, not a full one, but there are times right where I had to have my penis looked at quite a bit. Yeah. Where you would kind of try and get just a little bit going where it was nothing inappropriate.

Oh, yeah. But at least was at like summer penis levels. So the doctor... So the doctor... The normal, really embarrassing, almost in any level. So the doctor and nurses would think, well, this is how this guy naturally hangs. Yeah, so they don't have to like go find some forceps somewhere.

They can just see it with the naked eye. Here are some more text messages on the different variations of the male erection. Now, this listener says, I don't know what kind of boner this is, but in the documentary New Jack City, there's that line by iced tea where he says to Nino Brown, I want to shoot you so bad. my D is hard. I remember that movie.

I'm a fan in New Jack City. Ten beers. Is it beers or bears? Ten bears, Jesus says, I'm 63. I don't get boners anymore. Lucky you. And we're all headed in that direction, so don't feel bad about it. I've never experienced one of these, but a listener says there's such a thing as to

taking a poop boner. Oh, I haven't had that. No. The fear boner is very real, a listener says. Just asked the dude who plays Jason Voorhees at the haunted hayride. Dad of two monsters said if you're over 15 and get hard while talking to a woman, you're a creep and need to be locked up. I agree with that.

Control yourself. I didn't. I wasn't aware. Most of us can control ourselves after around the ages of 13 to 15. Yeah, we don't just walk up. Look how pretty she is. Boing. You know, no.

Unless you are, there's something wrong with you. A pool or a hot tub boner, Cubby. Yeah, I'm not really in those enough to make that. happened, I guess. The chalkboard boner. Oh, like, getting in front of the class? Yeah. Terrible. There's the chalkboard boner. The revenge boner. The motorcycle boner. The bicycle boner. The seizure boner. A listener says a lot of us who have seizures, we wake up with wood.

I have epilepsy, and I hope that that's never happened, because there's been people around when I've had one. The shower boner? One listener says that he has a friend who would get a Mexican. McDonald's boner. So excited for his McDouble that he gets McHard. Word. And then? My McPenus is right above my McNuggets. Stop it.

God and Jesus, look over these poor bastards. And we all should take a moment and say a prayer. For the boys who have suffered the broken boner. Oh. Pouring out some Gatorade for my homies. Yeah. That's a tough one. take a knee

Yep That poor some bitch That I used to work with at that warehouse When he had his rod open up on him He thought he was dead Say we lowered the flags to half mast And that might even be too high Yeah, that's too high

It's gonna be a while since you get that thing up to any type of mast When he woke up in the hospital He legitimately asked a doctor He said, Doc, how much time do I have left? He thought that was it And the doctor said you're going to live a long fulfilling life, I'm fairly sure. This is not going to kill you,

but your penis popped like a hot dog in a microwave. Oh, I hate when you say that. Because he and the wife just bab boom, bab boom, bab boom, bab boom, bab boom, bab boom, bab boom, but they wouldn't stop. Like something like 20 times a week. And it just gave way. Outside a newlyweds, the only time I've ever known someone who's done that where they just did, they were in a situation where they were always having sex, leaving work and stuff like that, was to try and sit.

They both wanted out of the marriage, it sounds like. And it ended up keeping them to get. Well, I don't know if that was exactly what kept them together, but they went on to stay with each other. But they were doing it all the time where he said, I think this is a problem. God dang it, Cubby, the pro wrestling boner. Have you seen that?

You've gone to a lot of shows. Oh, I thought you meant like you watching. No. I mean, when Sable would come on 1997, some things happened. There have been some episodes. of television wrestling where I felt it move a little bit. Sable is a good example. Trish Stratis, Kelly Kelly,

the real thin one that was banging George Clooney, here in his... Oh, Stacey Keebler. The red-haired gal who was in Playboy. Lita? Oh, Lita, but that's not who I was thinking of. The red-haired one, Christy Hemie. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, no, this listener, I think, is talking about... And we've heard wrestlers tell these stories before. They get in there with the razzards. wrestling and the grinding up and the throwing each other around and they get boners. I guess, yeah. All right, we should, we should continue on, although some are saying the only way to close this subject out is to discuss the death boner. Yeah, that's a real thing. They say a lot of times when you die, you rise up in more ways than one.

One last ride. That sucks. Yeah. Just another thing for Josh to worry about. I know. Sorry, man. That's all right. Yeah, I'm going to have something tattooed somewhere where they, you know how some people have the DNR or do not resuscitate?

Yeah. I'm going to have something about just not looking at me naked. That's my only request. Don't get me fully naked. You better not die naked. If it's a suspicious death, don't worry about the autopsy, whatever. I'm dead. It doesn't make any difference.

You're the last guy that would want to die naked. I don't want anybody to see me naked. Nickname and height. school was Jesus Jesus said he went to Catholic school up to eighth grade. He and two of his buddies, they were going to write a book about the 100 worst times to get a boner. I'd check that out of the library. I would look that up. Absolutely. All right. Let's get through as much of this stupid news as we can. You guys have heard me tell the stories before when I was a kid. I learned pretty quickly, that some adults are so much cooler than others. When I was growing up,

my brother and I were lucky to be surrounded by quite a few cool adults. My dad had some hilarious pals that taught us a lot. In the long run, there were plenty of adult things that I was exposed to that might have warped me in the long run, but whatever, we had way more fun than most kids. How cool is this? You tell me, rank this cool adult on a scale of one to ten skis. A 41-year-old fella in Pennsylvania. They call him James. James was arrested recently.

Oh, because he broke into an office building in the middle of the night. He did. And James wasn't alone. He brought his girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter with him. Her job was to hold the flashlight while he did shady things. So what do you got, Josh? How do you rank James on the... I'd say that's pretty bad.

But I always did think it was cool when my dad would want me to help with something. Like, hey, hold this screwdriver, hold this flashlight, whatever it was. I felt like I was a very important part of the process. But it wasn't breaking into office buildings in the middle of the night. You think this is different than when you held a screwdriver for your dad? I think it's quite a bit different. Okay. It reminds me of really one of the only memories I have of one of my uncle, sadly.

He made a lot of bad choices. So he was in and out of prison. He died horribly. And so I didn't get to know him very well just a few times. But the one memory I have is when he taught me how to hotwire a Volkswagen. And I couldn't tell you how to do it right now. But I remember learning that thinking, this is one of the coolest days of my young life at that point. I bet it's muscle memory.

Let's go find a Volkswagin. It kicks back in. You never stole a Volkswagen? Never once. What if he would have taught you to Hotwire a Ford? Would you have stolen a Ford? I'm sure. I would have stolen a Ford.

Yeah. So the cops caught this. a James guy in the act. James and that 11-year-old gal, his girlfriend's daughter. The cops caught him effing around in that office building. When the police showed up, James was in an equipment room of some sort. The young kid was pointing that flashlight while he cut out some, oh, here it is again, while he was cutting out some copper wiring.

That's what all the derelicts want is copper. Mm-hmm. He was stealing it to resell it later that day. James was charged with burglary and corruption of a minor. The fourth grader, 11-year-old gal, wasn't charged with anything. I think she's got enough problems. Yeah, I wonder if that girlfriend's going to break up with that dude. Hopefully.

I would hope so. She can be as messed up as he is. Very possible. Back to the gentleman who's going to write that 100 worst places to get a boner book. Somebody wants to know if it would be one of those pop-up picture books. Yes, it has to be. You should go into publishing because that's pure genius. Just picture them comically large.

Yeah, size appropriate for whatever type of owner it is. That's great. Here's a case of, oh, maybe it could be described as mistaken identity. Maybe you could categorize this as a case of someone jumping to a wild conclusion. I'm just going to go ahead here and letter buck. Oh, first though, Josh, that game you developed called jump to conclusions. How did that turn out? Did you ever sell any copies?

Never sold one copy. Couldn't even give them away. I've got a warehouse full of them. Last month in Massachusetts, someone called the cops. Yes, they did. They said over the telephone That some dude Wear an all camouflage

All camouflage clothing They said the dude Was a walking down the damn street Carrying a bazooka Sweet I'd love a bazooka You would? I mean, I wouldn't do anything with it

It would be cool just to hold it What's the point of having a bazooka If you don't do anything with it? I mean like walk around my neighbor Like do sketchy stuff with it Is there somewhere where I could shoot a bazooka? Sure. There's got to be some place you can shoot a bazook.

If I was in Coon Rapids, though, actually, I saw somebody with a bazooka. I don't think I'd even bad an eye. You're like, oh, yeah. That's good. Yeah, why just one bazooka? This is Coon Rapids. Everybody has one. That woman got her second bazooka stolen.

One of a way Jesus said not to steal a Ford, Nick. You're going to end up walking anyway. Debt. It won't get very far. So the police were called in Massachusetts. they were told that a man wearing all camouflage clothing was walking down the street, carrying himself a bazooka. That's alarming, to say the least.

I imagine that woke the cops up right quick. And they came flying on over. The police did. And they were anticipating that maybe they were going to trade blows with a full-on maniac. They pulled out the full-on heavy artillery. They pulled out the four-alarm tactical gear. Turns out, though, numn nuts in head-to-toe camo was only carrying a leaf blower. He was just some everyday J-Bron working for the neighborhood lawn care team.

That's just how he makes his living. Somebody said there's a bazooka range in Texas where you can fire a bazook. I'm sorry, what now? Awesome. Come in. A bazooka range in Texas where you can go fire one of those. Son of a bitch. The cops, they didn't mind so much, I guess, having to pull out all the... Yeah, better safe than sorry.

And they get to take all that equipment out. That's more or less what they said. Better safe than sorry. They posted something on Facebook that said, you never know. You're better off calling and reporting something than ignoring it and having it turn out to be something worse. Camo dude with the leaf blower was able to carry on with his day. He went on and... I can't imagine.

Imagine how much diarrhea would be running down my leg if I saw that approaching me. All those guys coming after me. Oh, yeah, I would brace myself. Dropped a lot of equipment. But that's a big source of comedy, right? And it has been for years. A lot of times, old, old people, once they start losing their friggin marbles, they call the cops nonstop claiming wild emergencies are happening.

You know, a senility has kicked in. I mean, one of my best pals, he's got some older than the Hill's uncle living up in the woods, northern Minnesota, and he's kind of notorious in town for calling the cops damn near every day to report a fire. Because he just doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. He's done, you know, he's mentally, he's done. So they kind of know him in time because he calls in and says, over here at 949 First Street, I think there's a house fire. You know, okay, Donnie, right?

I remember Terry Train telling me this great story. about a woman who called the police in a total panic because she thought there was a severed head in her street out on the street in front. There's a severed head. And the cops come cruising over. It was a plastic bag. A little bit of a difference.

This is terrible. A family in a town called Laredo in Texas. By damn, they say they are trapped inside their own home because they're under constant attack from bees. Man, you hate bees. I do. I just tell people I'm allergic to them, so then they don't think I'm acting childish or stupid

when I run away from them in public. Oh, yeah, that can be bad. I have an uncle who's, uh, likes to think he's a tough guy. He's a jerk. Nick's uncle can confirm everything I just said about. Oh, yeah, that's true. my uncle can confirm what a dick Josh's uncle is. That was funny. Can you tell me again, I forgot how that came up.

They used to work together. I know they worked together and maybe you asked about him or how did that come up. Isn't that funny? My uncle and Josh's uncle worked together. That is nuts. There was a born Bittney connection way before Cubby and I even met. So what, what now? I'm trying to remember how it came up that your uncle. And I love that he commented on it because he was so right.

Well, if you don't mind, I'll go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. My uncle says that dude you work with. Bittney? And I said, yeah. Does he have a relative named Bittney? And I said, yeah, that's his uncle. And then my uncle said, I used to work with the prick. He was. Maybe he still is. I haven't seen him a while. But he has, so again, he likes to think he's this big tough guy, right? And wants everybody to know how tough he is. But he's afraid of bees. And so it is, and of course I don't want him

to get stung. I don't know how bad it is. But it's funny watching him run away and cry like a little kid if there's any bee around. Yeah, that's me. It's tough to look tough when that happens. This family is trapped in their own home because of the damned bees. Listen to this. A member of the family, I think the name is Flores. Flores is a lady. She says there's a big fat ass beehive in a crick near the house. And the bees that live in the hive are mean as piss. And anytime anyone moves in or outside the house, the bees come rushing over and sting everybody's ass upside down. The bees got an eye on this friggin' house. They think it's their property.

And no one's allowed to go anywhere without the bees says so. Are they territorial like that? I know nothing about them other than that I wish they'd go away from me. We had that happen with a bird once. This bird hated our guts. Just had some new babies. and didn't want us anywhere near the babies. The bees

torturing this family have already gone ahead and killed two of their house pets. That is absolutely terrible. Killed them dead. Get rid of, get these bees out of here. The dog wandered over there. You know what, family, I'll take care of this.

Hey, get off my prop. I'm the dog of the house and I tell. Ah! Ah! Ah! And then the kids. And then the kids. cat said, look, I'll handle this.

Sorry about what happened. I'm sorry, I told you that dog was soft. I'll handle this. Hey, I'm the cat that lives in this. You will remove yourself. They had a fish. The fish said, look, I'll go up. No, the fish didn't.

They didn't have a fish. This is effed up. Listen to how this gal comes off. One member of the Flores family said the bees are all over the place. They won't let us go out. They simply won't let us out. They attack us. We need help.

I feel so bad for them. We need help. They say the beers peer in on a, they peer in through the windows. They're watching. Yeah. Someone will be, you know, getting dressed and they'll see a pile of bees on the window looking in.

That's terrifying. Yeah. I know. Dude, I would be so, what are you doing in there? So stressed out. I see you getting dressed. What, you think you're going somewhere? You're not going anywhere.

Yeah, send another pet out, why don't you? Yeah. Send in the young one. What the heck is going on? So they've been asking the city or the county or some somebody for help. We had a shepherd mix and she was a bee eater. She might have been effective. I don't know how many she could eat in one sitting.

You remember the Ozman. Yeah, Osman did that. He was a bee eater. So they've been asking the city or the county for help. They say, somebody please turn a hose on these friggin' bees. can live normal lives again. The city is considering helping them out is what I'm reading here.

I don't know, maybe. The city is considering it. No one's eaten for weeks. They can't leave the house. What happened there? I got a bee boner. A bee boner. A bee bono.

I just cannot get over that. How stressed I would be at. Like, uh, let me leave. Dude. I bet your nightmares every night. I would dream about. the bees. I would go full John Rambo on these pigs, dude. I would get

all the most illegal heavy artillery. Oh, you could use your flamethrower. I'd try my flamethrower first. But if that didn't work, I mean, there's no way I could live like this. You just got, you're putting on a chest rig with canisters of more

propane. That's right. Zookeeper, Jesus, who I think I just fell in love with. She said this whole bee thing was an episode of the X-Files. I remember that. One of my all-time favorite shows. Oh, fun. Have you used your flamethrower yet? Son of a bitch, you. Sorry, I tuned out for a second.

It is unbelievable. You were so excited. I know. What are you doing? I do this all the time. You have a flamethrower. Remember when I bought the Xbox? Because I couldn't wait to play Halo.

No. I gave it away. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Yeah, you know, we were talking about bees. I don't like those bastards. In the stupid news, we had a. story about a family that's trapped in their

frigging home. No one can go to school. No one can go to work because there's a beehive in the neighborhood and the bees have total control over this family. If anybody steps outside, the bees chase them right back in. They've killed two of the family's housepets. They are not backing down and they will not stop until everyone in this

family is dead. I don't like those frigging bees. A listener by the name of tired mechanic Jesus texted in. I didn't know this. Did you guys know that the bees have their own Facebook page? No, I didn't. He sent me a link to a Facebook page that belongs to the bees.

And it says right here, like if Josh had a Facebook page, the name on the page might say Josh, right? Yep, yeah. For the bees' Facebook page, the name is, it says here, 10,000 bees. And they've only posted one message in the history of this bees and their Facebook page. They've only posted one message, Josh. You know what the message is? What did it say? It says simply this.

Come on outside. It's beautiful. What are you waiting for? Oh, they're waiting. Daring them to come out. I don't like the sound of that. I don't either. Come on out.

What are you guys doing? Come outside. Weather's perfect. Yeah. What are you doing inside? No, seriously, come on out. 7.30, Randy Shaver, will be here. And we can talk about the following.

The New York Knicks with an impressive win last night in game one of the NBA. a final final. You turn on your television tonight. You can watch game two with a hockey final final. Twins didn't get the sweep, but that's all right. And they start a new series tonight at Target Field. We'll be back with some more news. Josh has some more of it for you

here in a couple of minutes. 93. Ah, air conditioning. The love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Hapts podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when you're

air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints.

You need help. Randy Schaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law. And it spells relief for you. You guys know how much I really, really love golf. Full-Send golf, 2-V-2. Me and V-O-D versus Big John and Kyle. Oh, it feels good to be back. On the links with the boys. Join the party on the golf course. Oh. Back to golf in a big way.

Now what? Practice. Let's go. Let's hit the range. I was like, let's go to the range. We are headed to the golf. Oh, you want to golf with us? No.

You don't play golf? No. Try. We got to break par. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah. Full send golf.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Certainly never thought he was capable of doing something like that. He worked at the Boys and Girls Club where my kids went when they were younger. If you're going to invent work for yourself, just to say busy on the job, this is probably the worst possible way to do it. A Pennsylvania volunteer firefighter took that concept to a felony level

by intentionally setting three fires within 30 hours so he could heroically respond with his fire company to help them put him out. Maybe he thought this was a, he could get more action, and B, this is an opportunity to see, you know, live fire. The investigation began. I love this bit. Yeah. What a loser.

I love this. This is one of my favorites. Guys about as bad as Ashley is at traffic. Wow. I'm done. I hate you guys. I'm just jumping on. You know I love you very much.

Whatever. If you're like the daughter, I would be afraid to raise. The investigation began May 29th at 12, 25 a.m. When the Perseverance Volunteer Fire Company responded to a roadside fire, just a few hours later at 417 a.m. They were called to a detached garage and barn fire. about 50 feet from two homes occupied by 10 people. Then at 4.31 a.m. May 30th, firefighters responded to yet another blaze. This time a barn, three vehicles, a shed, an outhouse, and a gazebo, all burning next to a home where eight people were inside.

You ever gotten close up to a burning outhouse? No, I bet that's something. That'll part your hair for you. I bet. You have? It'll part your hair. Oh, you'll remember that one. What was the situation?

Somebody did... A smelly outhouse. at a campground that people were tired of smelling, so they lit it on fire. You can just do that? No. How much worse does it make it? It's just, oh, I'll give you a perfect comparison, Josh,

and this is going to make some people sick, but this is the only way I can make it clear to you. You ever fart in the shower? Yes, I have. There you go. Times a thousand. I'm sorry, but I love that echo. Dang it, you cleared my sinuses and it hurts.

I was drinking the wrong time. Oh, no. Times a thousand, cubby. At this point, investigators, Ashley, ever fart in the shower? No, never. Sorry, possible podcast title. Oh, okay. At this point, investigators likely knew they weren't dealing with an unlucky stretch of spontaneous combustion.

Instead, they determined all three incidents were connected and the fires were intentionally set by some douchebe. They reviewed automated license plate readers data from the areas surrounding the fires and identified Justin Sholley, a volunteer firefighter with the Perseverance Fire Company, as the owner of a vehicle that kept appearing wherever things mysteriously began to catch fire. Yeah, we noticed that. They noticed that. Yeah, they figured that out. God, dang it, they noticed me. While arriving at the home, he admitted to starting all three fires. Because nothing says moving on, quite like allegedly committing arson in your ex-boss's neighborhood,

he admitted he chose that location of the second fire because his former boss, who fired him last year, lived nearby. It's a very big fire. Especially of being a firefighter, I mean, like, just shocking. So it was a vengeful move? The second one was. The second one. The first one was he was trying to get laid.

Yeah, the third one too. I mean, all of them used trying to get laid. When he's like, hmm, where should I start the fire? He thought, ah, this guy's a dick. Okay, I see. I'll go over there. Yeah. After obtaining warrants, investigators searched his vehicle.

as well as the garage of his home and found a collection of items that probably won't be featured in any successful I was nowhere near those fires defense. That included wood logs, lighter, lighter, a Bic lighter, a Motorola fire radio, and a box containing fire starter materials. Yeah, you might have wanted to put that stuff in the trash at one point or another, but. This guy's cute, huh? Yeah, yeah. Total dope. A Texas firefighter was arrested for for forgery after police had he died. dodged a day of duty using what of humanity's oldest workplace ruses, forging a doctor's note.

Oh, sure. The scheme started unraveling when police were called to a hospital after an emergency room director received a work excuse from a fire captain and decided to do something apparently no one expected, check if it was real. The form featured the name and signature of a real clinic doctor. Small snag, though, the doctor told staff he didn't recognize the supposed patient at all. The doctor had never seen the supposed patient at no record of the visit and confidently confirmed the signature wasn't his. The plan might have worked if not for the inconvenient existence of medical records, signatures, video cameras, and people who ask questions.

Instead, police say the firefighter forged the form to forego a day of fighting fires. The 33-year-old was arrested and charged with forgery. Stupid. Yep, another dummy. So, I'm sorry, Nick would mention burning out how smells like when you fart in the shower. We got a text from Love You Bye, Jesus. She said, huh, the old shower growler. I never heard that term.

That's gross. Ashley, I feel in an unnecessary. An incredible amount of guilt jumping onto that joke. You're wonderful to traffic. Oh, no. Please accept my apologies. This is going to kill me. No.

No, I won't. I won't. Great. doing accusing her of what? Well, I jumped on a joke. Dana started about her not deserving an award and I feel terrible about it. Rumed my day. What if I write you a check for $300,000?

That would help. All right. Yeah. I just need somebody to loan me $300,000. Teen smoking may be down. Oh, no. But thanks to social media, laptop smoking is on the rise. According to New Jersey fire officials, a dangerous online craze

as students sticking metal objects into Chromebook ports causing the laptops to smoke, overheat, and in some cases burst into flames. That's like a fun bit for the young people? Yeah, they take the Chromebook and try and make them smoke, I guess. Thanks, Chromebama. In New Jersey, a teen is now facing criminal charges after a Chromebook erupted in flames outside a classroom and what police believe was part of a TikTok challenge.

The fire broke out at Bellevue High School around 9 a.m. May 14th, triggering an evacuation of students and staff. So what do you say they believe the 15-year-old intentionally inserted led from a mechanical pencil into one of the Chromebook's ports as part of the social media trend? This is crazy. When police and firefighters arrive, they found a charred Chromebook which had been removed from a classroom by a staff member

after it began emitting smoke and students and staff were evacuated as a precaution. I can sort of see the fun here. Yeah, I can't do. I mean... Because when we were kids, we had a brief love affair with power. I can see some of these you can kind of understand it sounds dumb as an adult but yeah if you think about it we probably did dumb stuff like this You see in a lot of the videos when the laptops start to smoke and once the battery starts to fail they're going to continue to overheat to the point that it could explode the fire captain said And officials say the danger doesn't end when the smoke stops

What happens with lithium batteries? They'll reignite the fire captain said most people don't know that so they'll bring it back into the house or we'll put it away, think it's okay, and then hours later, we'll have a problem, he said. The alarming trend has prompted police and fire departments across the country to issue warnings about the safety risks and some of the legal consequences you could face. Yeah, yeah, might end up burning someone's house down. Yeah. Yeah, that's not, that's not funny. They're going to charge this kid with arson and criminal mischief. Yeah, take your medicine. Yeah, the chief said he doesn't believe the act was malicious at all, but says many teens don't fully understand the real-world consequences that can come from chasing internet cloud.

You're not wrong. Not wrong there. A South Carolina police officer was fired and faces felony charges after appointing his department issued firearm at a fellow officer during a confrontation about microwaving fish in the office. Wow. I always thought that was just a joke. There are really people who will microwave fish at work? Yeah. And in this case, they almost got a new hole blown in them.

The confrontation unfolded Saturday in a briefing room at the Myrtle Beach Police Department after someone broke one of the unwritten rules of workplace etiquette and committed what many office workers consider a culinary cardinal sin reheating an especially odiferous lunch. The now former cop confronted the fellow officer who was warming up fish in the microwave because he didn't like that overwhelming smell. What began as a battle over battered fish went far beyond the standard workplace kerfuffle and quickly got trout. of hand. During that confrontation, the detective drew a, and pointed his fire, excuse me, department issued handgun at the odor producing officer. Some people hate the smell of fish, and some people really hate the smell of fish, and God Almighty, the detective appears to fall in that latter category. It cost him as perch on the force, and he's in a carp load of trouble, holy mackerel and other fish puns. A 46-year-old was put on leave and later fired, of course, for

the immense overreaction, but he now faces weapons charges as well. It's unclear whether the weapon was loaded, but under South Carolina law, pointing a firearm at another person is a felony, carrying a possible prison sentence of up to five years. The Myrtle Beach Police Department said in a statement it has, quote, separated employment with that officer. Separated employment. I like how they put it. That's the first time I've heard that little cute twist on getting canned. As bad as that incident is, it's certainly, of course, not the worst.

workplace squabble on record, but it's probably somewhere in the conversation. In October of 2018, at Russia's Bellingshausen station in Antarctica, a 55-year-old engineer allegedly tried to murder a coworker for repeatedly spoiling the endings of books, he wanted to read. Books? You don't hear that one very often. It's Russia. They didn't have the internet or a VCR. Friggin Russia.

The case led to what's believed to be the first attempted murder arrest in Antarctica. some reports suggested alcohol may have been involved. He was a book spoiler. That would piss me off. Yeah, I suppose that'd be pretty frustrating. I did see it once happen. There's a video on the internet when people used to line up at midnight at Barnes & Noble for the new Harry Potter book. And some guy drove by and all these kids, they're dressed up in their robes.

And he announces like the biggest spoiler in the book that one of the main characters dies. And he says the exact page number two. No, man. That's messed up. Don't do that to kids. You used to like to do that, Nick. I loved my role as a movie spoiler for a while here on this program. I enjoyed the hell out of that.

Yeah, Ashley, I don't think you'd stab somebody if they kept ruining the end of books, but I could see you being pretty fresh. Or maybe you would. After the second one, I think I'd be pretty close. Like, how many times are you going to do this? I see you reading the Bible. You know what? He comes back like three days later.

And like you're putting so much time into that. It's not like a movie. If I'm reading a book, I'm committing a couple days to that at least. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, you're going to be there for a little while. Yeah. Minnesota's most active honor system seems to be finding some folks failing to follow the rules. Drivers are blowing through Twin Cities easy pass lanes and record numbers.

And the Houston Astros of commuter cheating happens most on 35W heading into downtown Minneapolis. Between October and December alone, half of all jobs. drivers across the metro illegally used easy pass lanes. But on southbound interstate 35W near Lake Street during the evening rush, the violation rate rocketed to nearly 65%. I am not a fan of people violating the law on the easy pass. I don't find it particularly shocking. I mean, traffic is bad.

The Minnesota State Patrol enforces the lanes with roadside beacons, which flash amber whenever a vehicle doesn't have a valid easy pass. And in Minneapolis, those things must look less like traffic equipment and more like nightclub stroves, because last year, troopers stopped just shy of 10,000 vehicles for Sane Lane violations. A dramatic jump from just a few years ago, where in 2022, the violation rate was only about 17%. Kind of annoying, but I kind of also feel like carpool lanes should be for people carpooling and not necessarily people who pay for a pass. Yep, that's the rule, actually. Mindad is studying tougher enforcement technology like license plate readers and cameras

capable of detecting how many passengers are inside a vehicle. Drivers caught violating easy pass rules can face fines of up to $300 dollarini. Son of a big. Nothing. 300 big ones.

Angelina Jolie, 51 today. No way. Dr. John Carter on ER, and now he stars on the awesome HBO series, The Pit, Noah Wiley, 55. I love him so much. He's a cool dude. You know, I didn't really,

I didn't watch a lot of ER, I guess, but on the pet he's great. Yeah. Such a good show. Happy early birthday to Gage. Turns 9, July 6, and have a great last day of school in Hastings, G-Dog. Best of luck to Josh from Dakota Bulk.

He's got to have some surgery today. So good luck to you from End-Dump Loder Operator Jesus and your pals here at 93X. Sending our best to Richfield Jesus and the family. Tough day today, their dog Buddy Bear needs to be put down. I'm sorry. Happy birthday rider, a.k.a. R.R.R.R. Stink guy. Turn of the Big 07 today from Muscled Dillf Jesus, who's headed to St. Louis,

and would like his coworkers at Carly Foundry, who have to work when he doesn't to know their suckers. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. Now, six-point Nick Lee. A fan just ran on the floor. Wants to take a selfie security, quickly takes him away. God gives him the appropriate rule.

Fortunately, nobody hurt. What was going through your head and did you smile for the picture? I've never been in that situation. I didn't know how to act. It really surprised me almost as much as that time where a bat crashed the court. Basketball game was briefly interrupted last night by a wimp with a cell phone. He ran out onto the court to get a selfie. You're a douche and you're everything that's wrong with our society today.

Randy Shaver, how are you this morning? I'm good. How are you? Doing all right. I remember when the bat crashed the court at the same. San Antonio Spurs game. I think that's actually happened more than once. In San Antonio specifically? What did I say? Yeah. Did I say San Antonio? I don't know. I was asking you. Yeah. San Antonio specifically, I think more than once they've had troubles with bats in the building, which is kind of fun. If I remember correctly, wasn't it

Manu Janobli who once might have picked up the bat with his bare hand? Oh, yeah, there was a player. do that. New guy in the corner was puking his guts up because, yeah, if I remember right, I think the San Antonio mascot might have knocked the bat out of the air. It landed on the court and I think Genoblee picked it up with his bare hand. He's got to go off to get some tetanus shots than I think. You ever have any problems with those in the house, Randy Schaever? The bat's getting it. No? No, God. If that happened, it'd be a disaster. We used to. Why do you, why do you say it would be a...

See, my wife would probably handle that way better than a mouse. She can't handle mice at all. I mean, absolutely terrified of mice. So maybe she could handle that. I'm the opposite. I couldn't handle the bat, but I could take care of the mouse. Josh, you've had bat problems? Oh, yeah, growing up, we had a lot of bats by us.

Did you really? Yeah, and we had them in the house. Did you have a fireplace with chimney and everything? No. That's where they'd come in through us. I mean, my dad probably once a month was there with a broom and dust ban trying to get one of those things. And you guys were so broke. Did you ever cook them and eat them? I was tempted. I was telling me, Dad, if we deep fry that, that might be pretty decent. Okay, I found some stats about bats in San Antonio.

Somebody took the time to do this research. It's happened eight times. Eight times games have been delayed in San Antonio. Isn't that effing crazy? Wow, that's crazy. Happened first in 2009, but here's a fun stuff. that though. December 28, 2015 against the wolves, it was the first time the coyote mascot was able to get it with the net. Yeah.

And then it's happened the last time it happened was also against the timber wolves. And that's the time that Wemba-Yami was freaking out. Oh, I don't recall it happening while Wemba Yamba's been around. Yeah, 224. All right. Nothing on Genoblee bare hand in that pick? I've not seen anything on that, but crazy stat. They're 8-0 in games where bats have disrupted the play.

That's hilarious they have all those stats They just started releasing bats in big games I think Nick you're the one that taught me You got a bat in the cave slang for a booger Yeah Was that something that you grew up hearing or Must have heard it from an adult at one point or another That's a pretty good saying

A Cliffy Cliffy's another one sure Is another slang term when you have a boog hanging Randy Shaver Yeah I've heard that Bat in the cave is another way to say it My wife also doesn't deal well She does not want to deal with mice or insects. Josh, you have a different vibe over there.

Your wife handles all that dirty work. So we had a pretty bad problem with mice when we moved in. And I can handle all that kind of stuff. I could come face to face with a tiger and be less scared than I would with like a giant spider. I don't know what it is. They're alien to me. You don't like those. They talk about me.

They tell secrets. My wife will kill all the bugs. But I'm the mice guy. I had a pretty bad mouse issue at the house years ago. I mean, as soon as I set a lot of traps, Randy Shaver, all over the house. As soon as I turn the lights down, you could hear those traps start popping. Yeah. I had mouse carcass all over the friggin' place.

If you have one, you've probably got a hundred. That's what they say, right? Turn them lights down. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. I'd hear them on both levels of the house. We had a last time we were talking, well, maybe this is a while ago, A listener told me what to do to get rid of the mice, and it worked. So it was kind of creepy.

Just grab a big five-gallon bucket, and you coat the top with peanut butter and fill it like halfway through. And then there's a big mouse pool party. Yeah. And none of them make it out. The problem is, when they die in that water, because I've gone through with that gimmick, too, they instantly stink so bad. Oh, it's pretty bad. I don't know what it is about. I mean, I had a ton.

I was surprised how many were in there. I caught so many of those bastards in traps. But when they died that way, they didn't reek instantly. Something about when you dip them in water. Because I found three, four of them dead in a bucket of water, and it smelled so bad in the house. It took about a week to get rid of that. Use puck bag.

Jesus said they should use the T-shirt cannon to shoot the bats down. That would be awesome. Like the preferred fan of the night gets that opportunity to shoot. Yeah, you can win a prize. Especially now they got that big chain gun one, It just fires off like multiple rounds at once. Oh, I haven't seen that. Yeah, that's pretty sweet.

Some listeners are texting in reminding me of the mouse pizza that I enjoyed about 30, 40 years ago. Yes, at once I ate a mouse pizza. What that means is I was cooking a tombstone pizza in the oven. And when it was all done, I drug the damn thing out of the oven. And I noticed that there were two or three incinerated mouse carcasses on the inside of the oven. Where mice had gotten into the oven. Oh, man. and died before or maybe during the cooking of this pizza.

And I ate the pizza anyway. That's because you're a man. Desperate times, man. This text says my mom. Be a man. Eat that mouse pizza. Eat it. Yeah.

Eat the vermin pizza. Right. My mom and dad, this text says, we're laying in bed. My dad felt what he thought was my mom rubbing his leg trying to get a little frisky. She said, no, I'm not touching you. Turned on the light, pulled the covers back, and there was a bat crawling up, dad. leg. Oh my God. Now, bats don't bother me, but that would freak me out. Oh, for sure. Would you go through the roof, Randy Shaver? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Now, people are texting in

advice on this mouse death bucket, you know, they say don't put water in there, throw antifreeze in there, and that keeps the smell down once they die. Once they drown, the antifreeze will keep the smell down. Because, like I said, I've had a couple of infestations at my house before, but never so bad as one of my buddies had it. When you walked into the house, the smell of dead mouse just smacked you right in the frigging mug. It was so bad. They would pop their heads out of every frigging crevice in the house.

It was almost like that little game where if you look at them, they go away. You look away, they come out. You know what I mean? Yeah. They were that. That smell is terrible. You could smell it from down the street. Big pepperoni.

She's just said at work. Miceron. the walls, they die, stinks up the whole office. Yeah. Especially when it dies near a heater. Yeah. So which arena, which sports arena had it worse then? The San Antonio Basketball Arena with the mice or the Oakland. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I misspoke. The San Antonio Basketball Arena with the bats. Or the Oakland Athletics old ballpark with the possum. Wasn't it possums?

Yeah. Possom. Isn't it still a problem? They don't play there anymore. It's an empty arena now. I thought like they're still at the new place. I thought it was still a problem. Maybe it was just a story talking about it a while ago. No, I mean, Dick Bramer talked about that. Dick Bramer talked about how there were possums running in and out of the broadcast booth, and they were just that old ballpark, the old Oakland Coliseum, was just overwhelmed with those critters. A lot of folks have some great advice here on how to handle a bat or a mouse infestation.

If you have any further questions, anybody here on the panel, just check your text machine. someone wants to talk about squirrels in the house. I haven't had that. Oh, well, in the attic. I don't know if I guess that kind of counts. There was squirrels running around the kitchen, it sounds like, in somebody's house. Yeah, and this is a good point. People are saying if you try that antifreeze thing, make sure your dog stays away from that.

Yes. Dogs love that stuff, too. Dogs love that. Thank you for reminding us. You're right. It smells very appetizing. So, yeah, keep that away from your dog's key. impressive Randy Schaever.

The New York Knickerbockers were impressive last night in game one of the National Basketball Association finals. I mean, by damn, they had a terrific second half and beat the San Antonio Spurs by 10. Red Ryder texted Nixon 6. Your thoughts? Sure, go ahead. I still think it's going to be a long series. You know, you got to give him credit. I thought Jalen Brunson, even though he didn't shoot the ball well,

last night, he's just such a gutsy player and he's such the leader of that team. I thought, however, the key guy for them was Josh Hart last night. Josh Hart only played 27 minutes, but he had 15 rebounds, six assists, four steals, a block. You only have three points, but he does all the dirty work for that team and puts him in such great position.

It's impressive last night. And, you know, the Shamet kid coming off the bench. Yeah. Played probably more minutes than three of the starters last night and had 13 points and played really well. You know, San Antonio had their chances. They certainly, it's going to be a, it's a really good series already. It's going to be a fun series to watch. There's a long way to go.

But, yeah, you still won. I don't know what the percentages are or what, you know, if there's that same. kind of percentage that I said yesterday about the Stanley Cup where if you win game one, 76% of the teams that win game one win the series. I don't know what it is in the NBA, but I'm sure the number is pretty good. You're right about that Jalen Brunson. He scored 30 points, and he just made some terrific shots. He just, gutsy.

He's just gutty. He's gutsy, he's clutch. The Knicks finished the ball game on an 11-0 run. They were the ones when it kind of. that got the job done. Just personally speaking, my favorite part of last night's game was during a clutch possession for the Spurs late in the fourth quarter. Victor Wemba Jamba dribbled the ball off his own foot, which led to a turnover.

That made me laugh out loud. It's good to see those little human moments amongst pros. Yeah. Like in a golfer just absolutely shanks one or they do something embarrassing like us mortals do. Knicks were down 14 in the second half, but they came away with the win. Carl had a double double, 18 points, 12 rebounds. mentioned yesterday that the Las Vegas hockey club in the Stanley Cup final, they look to be that type of team that's simply on such a role that they can't be beat. The Knicks have

been that team in this year's playoffs so far, and they looked apart again last night. They've won 12 consecutive playoff games now. Balls like tennis balls, Jesus brings up a good point. The series will go as far as long as Dan Housen wants it. Yes, exactly. Has he said anything about this? Oh yeah, he's posting every day about it. What does he say? Just, you know, he made an offer to Stephen A. Smith, like, you pay me this amount of money or I'll recourse them and this and that. And he's getting a lot of run out of this. It's very fun to watch. We should get some of that audio at times. Yeah. That's great. It's so interesting and fun and hilarious to me that Danhausen has become this household name.

The Knicks are selling merchandise with Danhausen on it. Are they really? Yeah. Because I remember his first appearance on AEW wrestling. I don't even know how many years ago it was. And I know personally sitting at home, And everyone in the live audience that night when he walked out, everyone said, wait a minute, what? You know what I mean? Yeah. Good for him that he's become this because he is such a great character and a great personality, very funny.

Josh, Tracy Morgan was at the ball game last night. Oh, no. Did anybody get pregnant? Does that mean someone's going to turn out pregnant? That's what he claims. Yeah. Did he make it through with his keeping his dinner down? What do you mean?

Oh, yeah. He threw up that. Yeah, he was a court side a year or two ago, Edmast. and just absolutely lost it. Well, he passed out and threw up. He was very sick somehow. Yeah, I remember that. A long way to go, though, Randy Shaver. I think so.

Yeah. I think you'll see San Antonio likely win game two, split the first two, then go back to Madison Square Garden, which will be just a circus. It'll be, you know, just crazy. The place was packed to the rafters last night with fans was watching on the jumbo-tron. Multiple Knicks fans were arrested at a watch.

party last night. And this was just game one. And they weren't even playing in front of them. Right. A good point. A watch party. As far as I know, the folks who were inside Madison Square Garden

handled themselves, but there was an outdoor watch party where I guess these folks could not handle a win in game one. There were multiple arrests. they were climbing up the light poles, they were jumping up and down on motor vehicles.

Game one. From what I understand, the city in New York, how do you say it, Josh? New York? The city of New York didn't want to have any type of watch party for the finals because in the earlier rounds of the playoffs, they had problems.

So the city of New York was like, no, please, Knicks, don't do a friggin' the Knicks said, no, we want to have a nice thing for the fans. the city must have the city was right because I guess some folks couldn't couldn't behave as adults last night well it adds to the fun as long as no one got killed it kind of adds to the fun I guess well that's just game one right imagine if they win the entire thing it will be a disaster a gong show it'll be an absolute disaster oh wow jeremy lynn is an NBA finals analyst for ESPN now I don't watch any of the

pre-game shows or the post-game shows. But Jeremy Lynn has found himself a spot on television. I think that's great. Yeah, that's cool. Good for him. That was such a wild story there for a month or two. Yeah, it was. And if you're a little younger, maybe you don't remember. But Jeremy Lynn, what was he?

Undrafted out of Harvard. Tries to cut it in the NBA. No team wanted him. He finds himself. sleeping on his brother's couch in Manhattan. This is back in the year of 2012. He finds himself sleeping on his brother's couch. The Knicks give him a telephone call,

and for a couple of months, he was the most exciting player in the National Basketball Association. He could not be stopped. They called it Linsanity. Yep, there you go. Here's the part that might throw you. Despite, you know, both the as all he is are aware

of what Jeremy Lynn put together all those years ago, did you know that he was the number, one most Googled person on planet Earth in the year of 20 and 12. Wow. He actually said like the fallout once he got injured and the Knicks said, eh, thanks, but you can go ahead and sign with another club. He signs with Houston. Didn't work out.

He went on to play for Charlotte, Brooklyn, this and that in his career kind of dwindled. I guess from what I've read from Jeremy Lynn, he had a real tough time. I bet. like he ended up having to see a damn therapist and a psychologist. And I don't know what exactly was going on. Sure. I mean, going from your brother's couch to the most Googled person and then being just kicked around by No Team Wants You,

that's got to be tough mentally. Bank examining Jesus back to what was going on in New York. He said he's in New York right now, total S-show with everything going on. That's been weird to me. It's like, ah, we're so excited. Let's burn our home down. No, it's never made sense, has it, Josh? Uh-uh.

And as we all know, New Yorkers are a little more squirly than the average schmuck. They should flip it and go to the team they just beat and burn down their town. Wait, what city are they going to? So say New York wins the finals, a bunch of New Yorkers go to San Antonio and just cause chaos down there. We don't want to do this to our own place. But we still want to burn some stuff. The starting point for a civil war, something like that, that would be... The Lynx play tonight.

They are seven and two on the season. I think that's the best record in the WNBA. They host the Golden State Valkyries, Olivia Miles, a name that Randy Schaber. And C. Willie Miles brought up the other day. She is the WNBA's rookie of the month. She's been a fantastic player thus far. John Krasinski from the athletic compared

the kind of the energy and the fun she's bringing. to Ricky Rubio's rookie season. Yeah. Just for every game she's making some type of crazy play and getting everybody hyped? I think she's a better shooter than Ricky was. Yeah. But yeah, she's all around great player. I mean, assists, rebounds, points, steals.

She's got cool hair. Kind of just does everything. I got an uncle who's been dead for 20 years. He's got a better jump shot than Ricky Rubio. Poor Ricky. But I loved Ricky. favorite players. I have a framed picture of Ricky Rubio in my home. Oh, I love Ricky. I loved his personality. I loved his leadership. I loved the way he could handle the basketball and pass

the basketball. His jump shot gave me heart problems. I just couldn't understand how a guy could have all of those skills as a basketball player and just not have a decent mid-range jump shot. It drove me crazy. But I love Ricky and I'll always love him. Can we reminisce again, Josh, about our very first interview with Ricky Rubio before he even came to the United States. It was great. We asked him what he's most excited about when he gets to the United States, and he said, can I do my imitation? Yeah, yeah, he said. He was such a mild-mannered, I'd even describe him as meek in the beginning. And Josh asked him the great question. What's the biggest thing you're looking forward to when you finally make it to America?

There was a long pause, and then Ricky said exactly like this, he said, peanut butter and that's when we fell in love what a strange thing that's what he's most excited for is American peanut butter well I remember when he first got here I was covering the team

in his introductory kind of first huddle with the media we're like what have you noticed about America so far one of the things he said he goes your bags of cheeps they're so big he was shocked by the size of our

bags of Doritos wait till he opens it it's mostly air it's disappointing One of my favorite Ricky moments was on the court. He had a mic on. He was miced up for a game. And they were walking back after a timeout, and Alexi, she fed,

kind of had like this disgruntled kind of sad look on his face. And Ricky looks at him and goes, Alexi, change this face. Be happy. Enjoy! Use that type of guy. Yeah. That was his thing.

Change your face. Yeah. He said that to his teammates all the time. Like, pick up your spirits. Let's go. It ain't over yet. If you watch Ted Lasso, it's like a Danny, what's his name? Rojas.

You're Danny Rojas. Danny Rojas. Football is life. And Ruby also gave me the life-changing advice to switch to using women's deodorant, which has greatly improved my life. Because the men's stuff I was used is way too harsh. It was causing rashes all the time. And I noticed one time Ricky had women's deodorant in his locker,

and I asked him about it. What are you a girl or something? Is that what you said? Yeah, I was like, what? Did your sister leave that? You know, it's something goofy like that. And he goes, no, he goes, the other stuff, it would irritate. And he goes, this is much gentle.

Much more gentle. Ricky was the one who introduced you to using women's deodorant. And he's right. It is much more gentle. I love it. And I don't care if you make fun to me. Call me bitch pits. That was your nickname when you told us that, of course.

Well, let's head towards a conversation about hockey here real quick. Chemical Sales Jesus texted in. Josh was wondering, why do we burn our cities down when we win championships? Chemical Sales Jesus says, do you remember when the Golden Gopher men's hockey team won? and they burned Dinky Town to the ground. I don't know if you're aware of this chemical sales, Jesus, but our studios are in Dinky Town. Yes, we remember that because we had to drive through it on the way to work.

I was thinking about when we talked about this, that's always the first thing I think of. I mean, there was overturned cars. There was topless college girls running around. It was totally out of control. Yeah, we drove right through that. It was like those Mad Max movies where he's driving through the apocalypse. That's what it was like here for a couple of days.

burning couches, dudes that have been awake for three days, still with a can of beer in their hand. Just frames of smoldering vehicles on the side of the road. That was just stupid. I was in high school when that happened, and I remember I was contemplating if we should drive down there. And I can't tell as a four-year-old man if I regret not going or if I feel good about our decision to stay in Apple Valley. I'm sorry, what was that? We were watching the covers in high school. Oh, yeah.

When they were riding in Dingy Town, and we were thinking, should we just go down there? Oh. And we didn't end up going. and I can't tell if I regret to go join that party, or am I grateful that I played it safe and hung out in my buddy's parents' basement? You probably would have gotten your ass kick. Yeah.

This text says, Dinky Town Riot. That was my first arrest. Ah, memories. Did one of our listeners get arrested at the Dinky Town riots? Well, I guess they were on one side I didn't consider. Maybe they're a cop. Yeah, one side of that. Oh, it could be the...

If you turn on your television around 7 o'clock tonight, you go over to Channel 5. You'll see him drop the puck on game two with a cup final. Nights at Hurricanes. Oh, Randy Shaver, North Carolina doesn't want to go down to rip. Oh, I wouldn't think so. No, they do not. I think Carolina rebounds tonight.

We will see about that. Do you guys like the puppy bowl? Of course. Very much so. I'm not as into it as I used to be, but I sure do think it's pretty cute. I'm not going to sit down to dedicate the whole afternoon to it, but a nice 20 minutes here and there. It makes it kind of fun. The Puppie Bowl.

Hockey has their version. They call it the Stanley Pup. This is the first I've heard of it, but according to the story, this is the third year of the Stanley Pup. It's a spin on the Puppie Bowl competition. Same vibe, just dogs playing hockey instead of football. You can catch this next Monday night. By then, they'll be up to, But game four maybe or something?

Game three. Game four. So Monday night, I wish I had the channel in front of me where you can find the puppy, or pardon me, the Stanley Pup. I thought it was a YouTube. Oh, it's not on television?

Let me see. But anyway. True TV, HBO Max, YouTube. Okay. True TV. Okay, that's regular television. Every NHL club is represented by a dog

and they'll wrestle around on the ice and all that cutesy stuff that you see from the puppy bowl. They're all adoptable dogs just like in the puppy bowl. They have stupid punny names for the dogs that refer to NHL players like Jack and Quinn choose instead of Hughes. Should I keep going?

Yeah, give us a couple more. Oh, God. Let's see, Randy. see the problem is it's not quite like football well I don't recognize a lot of NFL names anymore I don't follow with the way I used to I also don't recognize a lot of national hockey league names anymore because I don't follow with the way I used to so it takes a while for me to understand these puns okay New York Islanders defenseman Matthew Schaefer

his dog of the dog version of the dog version of the dog version of Matthew Schaefer will be Matthew Schaefery. Blow me. I didn't want to do this in the first place. No, I was literally trying to figure it out in my head. Right. Shafuri. These ones aren't really all that.

They're terrible. Shafery, I get you. Alex Ovechkin's going to be a special guest. Ooh. Whoa, this changes everything for me. I'm going to have to watch the Stanley Pup. You know who a special guest is going to be, Josh? Oh, I know who the draw is for you.

Keenan Thompson. Don't you like Anthony Anderson, too? I think he's very funny. about him. Flavor Flav's going to be there? I love Kenan Thompson. Yeah, you too. I did it for the longest time and now I do.

You're right. Also, Anthony Anderson is very, very funny. Flavor Flav is, I mean, he's Flavor Flav. Wow. Your buddy Michael Strayhan's going to be a part of it. Michael Strayhan, he and I used to sing Kuroki together. Well, we did it one night. Live Kuroki with a live band behind.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Brooke Shields is going to be part of the Stanley Pop Randy Schaver. That's a blast of the past. Huh? You watch Blue Lagoon. Oh, over and over.

Steelers fan, Jesus, you came up with a better dog name than any on the list. Barkus Felino. Oh. Yeah, he should be the representative for the pigs. He's always got good stuff. Yeah, that's much better. So many, many, many years ago, I was at a Brent Farve charity golf tournament down in the by you's of Mississippi. I think I recently told my junior say I story here on this radio show because

Junior Sayah was down there and we became friends for a couple of days. I had the same experience with Michael Strayhan back when he was playing for the New York Giants. Oh God, this was early 2000s, late 90s, a long time ago. And I just sat down with Michael Strayhan and we started talking. We bonded over our similar front teeth. I bet. We both had gaps, large, dangerous gaps in our two front teeth. So we started joking back and forth about our teeth. And he was just a wonderfully fun guy. We ended up running around drinking all night with Michael Strayhan. We walked into a bar and there was a live band who was doing live karaoke.

I'd never seen that before where the band would say, come on up, sing whatever song you want. So some lady went up there and she sang Mustang Sally or something boring like that. So I said to Michael Strayan, I said, do you want to go up there and sing a song together? And he paused and he thought about it for a second. And because of the gap in his teeth and his delivery, he said exactly this. He said, I can sing Twith and Thout. And so the two of us went up on stage and we sang Twift and Thout. That was been awesome.

By the Beatles. Got a picture of it and everything. I had hair. I remember those days. We always say, because it's so true, that the brother and sisterhood, they're geniuses, they're well-educated, they're attractive, and they're the funniest people out there. Some more names, some pun names that are so much better than the ones that came up by the pun professionals. Okay.

Zach Paa Reasy. Paw Reesie. Alex O'Fetchkin. Oh, sure. Bark Faber. Gordy Howell. Gordy Howell. Gordy Howell.

These are so much better than the ones that came up with. What's the Russian kids name? Carill Caprisov. Can we do anything with that? Carill crap. Paus? Correepri. Pause.

Yeah. There's got to be something there. Somebody text us a Carill Caprice-off dog pun, and we'll make you the pimp of the day. John Cooper of the Tampa Bay Lightning won the Jack Adams Award as the NHL's coach of the year, which is cute. He's the longest-tenured coach in the National Hockey League, Randy Shavery.

He's been with the same club for 13. 13, 13, 13. If he makes it through next season, it'll be 14, 14, 14. 14. Carril Kapasov. No, that's not, doesn't work. You got to make it a good one. And maybe Karil Kaprisoff is a game, is a name that just can't be punned in a, in a canine capacity.

Maybe it's impossible. We're not going to count Karil Kapasov. That's not good enough. The man deserves better. Carril the leash off? No. Carril the leash off. Although I do like it.

I mean, some of these are so bad that Carill keep your paws off. No, forget it. Just forget it. Let's go with, let me get another Pigs player. What's the guy? Who's the guy with the mustache? Middleton. What's his first name?

Jake. Jake Middleton. Well, maybe that one's not so good either. The twins did not go ahead and land that series sweep over the Chicago White Sock. As a matter of fact, the 20s. He's got to shut the F out. The final was eight to Dick. Starting pitcher Eric Fetty for the White Sox.

Jesus, he won his first game in a long time. He looked very good against the twins. Tage Bradley? Not so much. He failed to finish five innings for the second straight start. Yeah, Tage Bradley is starting to five walks. That's not going to get it done. I don't like that.

I don't like walks. Yep, yep. Not going to get it done. But that's all right. He threw 104 pitches in less than five innings. That's a recipe for a disaster. Yeah. I'm looking at the text machine.

People are still trying like hell with this Carill Caprisoff dog pun. Stop it. What about Caril Cofleezov? Somebody else went a different route. That's it. That's pretty good. Let's give it. Let's make that the end of it.

Now, this person is very creative. They just weren't with a different route. K-97? I don't understand. K-97. Well, 97 is number K-97? Oh, K-9-D-7. Oh, sure.

We've got to put a lid on this or I'll go crazy. It's all right. The twins win the series. That's all we're looking for, right, Randy Shaver? Yeah, just win a series. And now, now that that's all set and done with the White Sox, they start up a four-game series with the Kansas City Royals. That cuts loose tonight.

And you think the twins have been struggling the royals are in a worse position. They're not having a great season, those royals. The Toronto Blue Jays hired Simeon Woods Richardson away from the twins, and the twins got some cash in return. I wish nothing but the best for Simeon Woods Richardson. Yeah, he kind of had some scathing words for the twins on his way out the door. Oh, really? I missed that.

Yeah, he said some things. I saw an interview where he alluded to how going to Toronto will help him develop into a better picture that there's, you know, that kind of thing, that he wasn't given the chance. The development part wasn't here for him with the twins kind of a thing. I would argue you had plenty of chances to develop and wasn't able to do that. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I would. him the best too, but I think the, I don't know what the twins got in return. I think it was cash.

Yeah, they got some cash. Yeah, you know, it just opens a spot up for younger guys. And not to Simians, an older guy, he's not, but I think the twins have just said, okay, we're going to move on, and that's okay. Yeah, that's all right. Philadelphia, Phillies. You hope it's not an Ortiz kind of a thing, but yes, twins are moving on. I think we're safe.

Yeah, I think so, too. Philadelphia Phillies ace pitcher Christopher Sanchez. So last night he was pitching against the He's a stud. He seems to be doing okay, this guy. Last night he was pitching against the San Diego Padres. And he gave up his first run in a long, long time. Seventh inning. Look at his ZRA, man. What is it? 1.46. Lick me down. He's been phenomenal. He had this consecutive shutout thing happening, right? Up until the seventh inning last night, he gave up a run to the Padres. So his streak ended at 50 and 2 thirds innings without giving up a run.

Yeah. Oral Hersheiser and Don Drysdale are the only pitchers to go longer than 50 and two-thirds innings. Oral Hirschizer, who we covered him recently. He's got his brother, what was the brother's name again? Anil. Anal Hershey. Oral Hersheiser went 59 straight scoreless innings in 19 and 88.

Don Drysdale went 58 scoreless innings in 19 and 68. And then this Sanchez kit. He even passed your guy, Bob Gibson's consecutive shutout innings. I mean, he's just setting records. When names like Bob Gibson and Oral Hirschizer and Don Drysdale are coming into play,

you know you're doing quite well. Sometimes when guys get the big payday like he did in the off season, you don't they kind of take a step back he's actually taking about three steps forward he's been really good Gavin Williams won his ninth game last night for Cleveland I mean I started

start thinking about all-star day pitchers and Joe Ryan probably can be in the conversation but I mean Gavin Williams is having a great year Sanchez has been phenomenal Davis Martin Chris Sale is having a fabulous year I can't stand Chris. He's won eight games.

Chase Burns, the young kid for Cincinnati, is seven and one. He's been phenomenal. There's just a lot of really good young arms out there. Max Meyer has an outside chance. Maybe to make the All-Star game. Local kid. Yeah.

And Mizoroski, his ERA is about the same as Sanchez, but he's going to make the All-Star game because everybody wants to see him throw over 102-mise. hours an hour every pitch. Yeah. All right. I wanted to put a lid on this Minnesota Wild roster member dog pun name gimmick that's been happening.

I've got a limit on puns before I go crazy. I'm trying to put a lid on it, but the listers can't be stopped. Do you want a final, final, final, final, final, Minnesota Wild dog pun name. Yes. All right, we're going to go with

drool Erickson Eck. That's a great one. That's fantastic. I was kind of hoping we get to Marcus Fleelino. I like that. Totally unnecessary. State of pocky, people are texting in. The state of pocky.

Perfect. Stupid. After Barkish Spilino, there was no need to continue on. Randy Shaver, way back in 1974, way back in 19 plus 74 on this date. Speaking of Cleveland, this is the anniversary of 10-cent beer. night. Oh, man. What a time to be alive. They had to forfeit the game. It went in the official

record books as a friggin forfeit. They were hosting the Texas Rangers and the crowd got so drunk and so out of control, the umpires had to call the game. Dudes were hanging from the upper deck. They were throwing garbage on the field. There were fistfights and the cheap seats. There were BJs and the really? Oh, where were the BJs? Everybody got one. In the clubhouse.

Everybody got a BJ. Can't leave without your BJ now. I showed up with 20 cents. What'd you get? I got a beer. What'd you do with the other 10 cents? Got a BJ. Good night right there. Now, we could do this forever.

But once again, someone put together a roster of the best baseball players ever. By jersey number. Oh, okay. We could do this forever. And, of course, the lower the number, the bigger the name, really.

Yeah, you get into the 80s and you're kind of reaching. Right. You get into the 80s, 90s, 70s. These are guys that, okay, you're the best ever to wear number 78. Right. They had to pick somebody. Right. So let me just tell you this first.

There were one, two, three, four, five, six. Six former twins who can say, at least according to this article, that they're the best ever player to wear their jersey number. Bert Blyleven was called the best baseball player to ever wear jersey number 28. Rod Carew. Oh, gosh. 29. Was called the best ever player to wear 29.

Turkey bucket. Quite impressive because 34 is a very common number. Nolan Ryan wore number 34. Yeah. But Turkey Bucket was called the best ever player to put on that jersey number. Wow. Johann Santana was named the best ever player to wear 57. A little more of a rare number.

Right. But still. You can't doubt that dude that he was terrific. Even if he had a more common number, I could still see him getting that award. Absolutely. Now here's where it gets a little weird. Like we said, you get into the higher numbers. Love him to death

brings back great memories Eddie Gwardado Eddie Gwardado was apparently the best ever player to wear 81 and Miguel Sano is the best ever player to wear jersey number 89

No Who else wore 89? Doesn't matter It doesn't really matter Just put another person Just leave it empty It doesn't matter. Ashley has to go fetch our next guest.

But first, Ashley, before you go, what was your jersey number when you played softball? Either four or 14. Okay. The best ever number four. Well, that's got to be Lou Gehry. Lou Gehry. The best 14 ever? Oh, Randy, this one's for you.

Best 14 ever. The best 14 ever is one of your favorite baseball players ever. It is not Ron Santo. It is not Ron Santo. That's my favorite player of all time. He was a pitcher. And he wore 14. Gosh.

And he was very tall. And he played for the Cubs. Fergie? No, no, not Ferguson Jenkins. By the way, let's see if he's in here somewhere. Ernie Banks. Oh, I don't think of Ernie Banks is a pitcher. He was the first baseman.

Oh, then I was thinking of the wrong guy. Sorry. I think I was thinking of Ferguson Jenkins. Yes. Okay. Ernie Banks. Josh, your favorite number. Favorite number?

Yes. I don't know. 17. Todd Helton. Great hitter. Todd Helton. Dana, Jersey numbers. 44.

Is that what you wore on the soccer pitch? No, that's why I wore on the basketball court. Okay, Randy Schaber. Come on, 44. Oh, gosh. 44. Well, Hank Aaron. That's right.

Henry Aaron. Yeah, him and I had a lot in common athletically. I bet. Bob Gibson 45. Let me see. No. Really? They do not name Bob Gibson.

What? Blast them. They go with Pedro Martinez. Oh, come on. No freaking way. I'll go along with that. No way. I'm with you.

I was a 19 guy. Go ahead. Who wants 19? It's an easy one. Best baseball player ever. to wear number 19. Tony Gwynn. Tony Gwynn.

Oh, I like the rhythm on that. Yeah. 24, Willie Mays. That's right. Yeah. I would say probably 25 would be Barry Bond. That's right. Yeah.

Keep going. Oh, gosh. 26. I'll give you a hint. Lots and lots and lots of Miller lights. Wade Boggs. 27 is a current point. player injured all the time.

Oh, Trout? Mike Trout. Okay. They gave Nolan Ryan the best ever player to wear 30. Well, he wore a lot of different numbers, too. I thought he only wore 30 and 34. But anyway, it's great if you want to check this out. Play for a lot of different teams, I guess I should have said, with different numbers.

Let me find you some more of these kind of obscure guys towards the top of the, you know. You know, you could put Steve. Carlton in your former twins category? Oh, yeah. Steve Carlton wore 32. Let me see. Where is he? No, but it's an even better starting Sandy Kofx, 32.

Yes, yes. Let me find some more of these. Find a good one here. How about Tom Seaver? 41. Let me see if they went. Yes, they did go Tom Seaver, 41. Tom Seaver, 41.

Oh, I mean, like, okay, like Dylan Sees is the best ever. player to wear 84. Well, yeah, those numbers are hard. Yes. People would wear those numbers in spring training sometimes. Oh, yeah. Right. But not in real games. Yeah, normally if you wore 84,

that means you're going to spend a couple of days with the A-ball team. All right, let me just try you on a few more of these, and we'll get moving. Okay, all right. 20, Randy Shaver. 20. Third basement. Steve Schmidt.

Mike Schmidt. Mike Schmidt. 22. Good looking in a pair of underwear. Jim Palmer. Jim Palmer. 31. He's still good looking, by the way.

Jim Palmer. 31, a huge strike sound. 31. He was a pitcher and the umpires gave him every benefit of the doubt until the day that they died. He's still alive. 31. I don't know.

Greg Maddox. Greg. Oh, well, come on. Greg Maddox. was a great pits. Yes, he was. But umpires also gave him every benefit of the doubt at every turn. Well, you know what? In a lot of ways, he deserved that, though, too. No, he did. The way he pitched. Yeah, you did. Yes, he did.

Ichiro, 51. Yep. Okay. Goose Gossage, 54. Yeah. What was Reggie Jackson's number? Well, 44 with the Yankees, nine with the athletics, but strangely enough, are this, this must be a oh no so Reggie did not get number nine that was given to Ted Williams

and 44 we already covered one to Hank Aaron yes well obviously you're not going ahead of those guys we got to get going Randy Schaeber but I dig that kind of thing we'll let you go we'll talk to you tomorrow sounds good 903

oh air conditioning the love of my life Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs, podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait.

Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-. , and it spells relief for you. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. How do I save money? Most people give you the cliche answer. Stop buying avocado toast.

But they're missing the point. Saving tactics usually focus on discretionary spending. If you want to actually move the needle, you have to look at your fixed costs. Your rent, your mortgage, your car payment. To change these, you might have to move or sell your car. And that's why people don't do it. If you want small wins, focus on the avocado toast. But if you want meaningful change, focus on the fixed costs.

Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. It's Dr. Andrea. Here to save you about $5,000 and answer your pet questions. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93x half-assed morning show. Yeah, here she is in studio with us this morning. Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital over there in Minnetonka.

651-9893-93 is the text number if you want to ask the vet. How you been, Andrea? Oh, good. It's great. It's been a while since I've been here. Been a month or something? You've been pretty busy. Yeah, it's been a little chaotic.

You and, yeah, you and Covey were just talking about the last days of school here. Yeah. Both of his parents of students, what a hell of a deal, huh? Man, yeah. I mean, there's something every day. Kindergarten graduation today. What time is it at, if you don't let me ask? Is it like in the middle of the day?

One o'clock. One to two 30. Because parents don't have jobs. I know. There's a kindergarten graduation. Yeah. You have to go and watch them. I mean, it's like, no, they did that.

No, they do it for like preschool, kindergarten, fifth grade. We had none of that. Yeah. We had none of that. Did you go through that, Josh? Yeah. Really? Definitely.

Even I did back in the day, we had a kindergarten graduation. Oh, for Christ's sake. So you have, and Josh, you guys have kids getting out of school here today, tomorrow. Is it exciting or we covered this a few days ago? There are a lot of parents who say, oh, Jesus, balls. now I've got to keep an eye on these bastards. It's a whole different game in the summer, you know, because then I'm at work getting phone calls.

Can I go here? Can I go there? Oh, my mom. So-and-so is bothering me. Even though I have someone helping, right? Or they have a sitter. But it's like, hey, can I have a lemonade stand? I'm like, not now.

I used to call my mom's work phone, like the landline at her job all the time. And it would be for minors. I still know the number. You're trying to. I mean, you got a very stress. important job and the phone's ringing about lemonade stands and Joey down the street. Yes. We're having a squabble.

What do I do? Yeah. Well, and I got them some e-scooters, which I'm regretting because now they're pushing the limits. Like, can I go to Starbucks? No. You can't. They want to go all the way across town.

Yeah, you can't do that. Yeah. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm pleased to hear that your kids want to sell lemonade. The lemonade stand because when my daughter was little, she didn't get any take. when she was selling Dixie cups full of caterpillars. Oh, me. I would have bought one.

Well, what was she asking. I don't know what the price was. Maybe it was crazy high prices, but, yeah, she, for some reason, thought maybe she could make some money selling caterpillars. Who knew there were so many caterpillars around to sell? We had a lot of caterpillars. Oh, my gosh. You know what my kids do actually sell with the lemonade is chicken eggs, and those are a hot item.

Oh, yeah? Oh, really? Yeah. They go into the coop and grab a bunch of eggs, and people are wanting to buy them. Wow. That's a very good idea. I wonder what lemonade and over-easy egg would do to my stomach on a hot summer day. Serious trouble.

Here's the deal. 651-9-89-933, if you want to ask our vet friend, Andrea, a question. Earlier we were joking around with punny names for dogs. We were trying to put hockey-related punny names on dogs. Do you encounter a lot of pets? This was a question from a listener. Do you encounter a lot of pets with silly, awful punny names? Have you ever treated a dog named Charles Barkley or anything like that?

You know, it's more so, less so of that, more so, like, people will name their dogs after random people. Like, Lester Holt from the Today Show. That's random. That's pretty random. I like that. I like that's good. You know, there's just like weird. You're like, where'd you come up with the ice?

to have a client whose dog's name was Fonte Mike Johnson. Fonty. Fonty, Mike Johnson. To background on that? No clue. Like, just the strangest names. Oh, yeah, my sister had a... That's cool when people go that route. My sister had a cat named Donald Vernon, but that was named after... Yeah, I remember him. Do you remember Donald Vernon? Yeah, he was great. Big fat, tough bastard. He was named after a family friend.

Yeah, listeners were curious if you ever treated any... No, it's more so. I love... I love the like Franks and Carls and Bruce's and Kevin. I think those are kind of fun. We had a goss. I like that name. Sure. Yeah.

But didn't you say Charlie's pretty played out? Charlie, Bella. We broke Dana's chops pretty good when he told us he was dating a gal with a dog named Charlie. We were like, oh, real unique name. Jesus, balls. It's like buddy. Buddy. You can't turn a corner without tripping over a dog.

name Charlie. Here's a question about a four-year-old female golden retriever who within the last couple weeks started having accidents, licking her butt, scooting her butt. Could this be anything other than a UTI? Well, if she's scooting her butt, she probably needs her anal bands checked. Oh. And that comes along with allergies this time of year. So if you're smelling that like tinny, metallic fishy smell and she's scooting and licking back there, I check her for a UTI. And have our anal glands expressed. Yeah, that smell. Again, we almost always come around to a conversation about that smell.

So powerful. It is. Dr. Andrea, are pit bulls prone to heart failure? Not necessarily. I wouldn't put them on the top of the list. I mean, boxers are, cavaliers are. I wouldn't say that they're more predisposed than other dogs. Okay.

No. A listener was just curious. He has a three-year-old. pit bull. How do you say this? I have one that has congenitive heart failure and that dog has been around for three years and now I have another one of my pit bulls that's just come down with it. At that age? No. Both, they came down to it, came down with it at seven years of age. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, if they're from the same breeder or the same family,

yeah, there could be a genetic component. They're also old-dish that maybe they're developing heart disease as they get older. And if they're mixed with like a boxer and they're not pure pit bull, it's possible that they're more predisposed. But yeah, we see a lot of heart disease, a lot of heart murmurs at older ages. Yeah. Seven is getting up there for a pit bull? I mean, these days I feel like it is.

Seeing dogs, unfortunately, die younger than they used to. Weird. It's a sad thing to say, but yeah. Trucker Jesus said he has a daughter that wants to be a vet tech. Can you recommend some of the better schools to go? Yeah, so this is a big issue right now in the industry is a lot of the technician schools are closing just because they don't have the money to fund them.

So a lot of them have closed, but there is an online one called Penn Foster that a lot of our technicians will use. You have to get clinic experience, but the online one is a good option. Yeah. Now back to the punny names, one of our listeners has a dog,

named Jonathan Chichu. Chew at the ass end of the name. Wasn't that a football player, hockey player? Who the hell was Jonathan Chichu? I swear to God he was an athlete. Here's a question for Dr. Andrea. Are you allowed to treat your own pets? Yeah.

Okay. For sure. Yeah. Is there a rule? This listener claims that there's a rule against doctors and surgeons treating their own loved ones? I mean, like I neutered my own dog.

Okay. Like if it came to having to like make an end of life decision for my dogs, I don't do that. I have someone else do that, obviously. But like, no. There's no, I mean, most veterinarians treat their own pets. All right. Yeah, but there's no rule or law. Fair enough.

Is there a rule or a law against doctors treating their own loved ones? Does anyone know that one? The TV shows and the movies make it seem like there is. Oh, is that right? Yeah, they're like, no, no, no. you can't do that. That's your best friend. They're like, but I'm the only one I can save them. Too bad, you can't.

Sorry. That was almost like I was sitting in front of my television. Exactly. I remember that scene. That was from Gray's Anatomy, right, Ashley? Yes, it was a couple times. I'm going to look that up because I'm curious if doctors and surgeons are... I think they choose not to.

Okay. Right? It's like too close to home. I don't know. The guilt if you screwed up. That would make sense. Yeah, grandma's on her way out. You know, maybe I don't want to be the one to try to put her back together because if I

screw her up, then the whole family's going to turn on me. Got a question here. Take my money. About micro mini cattle. What is that? Can they come into the regular vet or would an ag vet be something? An ag vet, for sure. I mean, so many people are getting pigs and they're, like, you know, they have them. They walk around the house.

They live in the house. Same thing with these micro mini cattle. So do they have, like, are they talking about like miniature highland cows? Yes. Oh, like lucky. Yes. They're so cute, but they're a lot of work. Same thing with pigs.

A lot of work to live with. Yeah, they need someone to be stimulating them all the time, playing with them. They'll chew everything. All right, here we go. Here's what I found on the godless internet. I asked, can doctors and surgeons treat their own family members? In the United States, there is no federal law that outright bans a physician from treating a family member, but the practice is strongly discouraged by the American Medical Association.

Makes sense. All right. Oh, yes. And it's what we were discussing. Personal feelings can cloud professional judgment. Sensitive questions or exams may be avoided due to discomfort. There you go. Here's a cat, Dr. Andrea, that won't stop eating grass.

Every summer he goes outside and licks off all the grass and it licks off his own fur. Oh, here we go. This must be an allergy. Off air you were saying. Yeah, allergies this time of year are so bad. But if they're trying to eat the grass, a lot of times their stomach's upset and they're wanting to vomit, where they just want to, like, try and induce vomiting themselves. Sometimes they have, like, reflux disease, and they'll do that. But cats also are kind of goofy like that, too.

Yeah, they are. And they probably just like it. Well, somebody is kind of a related question. Somebody said, why would my cat be eating plastic? And how do I get them to stop doing that? Yeah, I mean, that's like cats and dogs eating their own poop. They just do weird things. They do strange things, and they obviously like it.

Maybe it feels good on their teeth. I just try and avoid exposure to it. I can't really stop them unless you get rid of it. Leonardo DiCatrio. Excellent. That's great one. Cleo Catra. Wonderful.

Jonathan Chichu played in the National Hockey League for the Sharks and Senators. I knew I had something there. We're here with Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital. 651, 989, 93, is the number if you'd like to ask her a question. Oh, this goofy story we had a few days ago, Josh, that none of us bought, but we should ask a professional. Someone in China has come up with a device that you hang around a pet's neck. And it reads their body in some way or another to where when the dog makes a sound, they will translate that sound into a human voice.

So they claim in the future we're going to be able to fully understand what our dogs need with this device hanging around their neck. How much of that do you believe? Zero percent. Right, okay. You're with the rest of this. Yes, darn it. How?

I was hoping you were like, yes. It was some kind of AI pet translation software, just complete. I mean, they would do that for babies then. Like human babies. If that's the case. Like, why is she crying? That's a good point. Let's start there.

Who cares if the dog has a tack in his paw? Who cares? Let's see what's wrong with the babies first. Yeah, apparently over in China, they're coming up with that, and they're already asking for money, you know, to work. Wow. I do have weird dogs. I'd love to know kind of some of the motivations behind the stuff they do.

Yeah, one of mine is just going to be so much judgment. I can just tell by the look on his face. He's such a judgy little prick. I always wish there was one day a year where you could just talk to your dog in full English. Does you get 24 hours once a year? Chat with them. What do you need, man? What am I doing?

Am I doing things right? Do you need anything done differently? That would be fun. I don't know if I want that. I don't know if I want to actually hear the actual voice of my dog. Yeah. Because like you made up one in your head. Yes, totally.

It's like when you read a book and then you see the movie. Yeah. It's the worst. You have a character in your mind, don't you? Uh-huh. When you picture your dogs and cats, you have a character and a personality that you think fits them. But maybe it would go the other way.

They're a total douche, and you're no longer one. Famously, Reacher, Ashley, where it's like Reacher's this giant character, the Reacher character, and they have Tom Cruise playing them. It makes no sense. It's not what you picture. And then the TV show, it's like, finally, yes, that's perfect. That's what I picture, yes. One more question before we take a break,

and it's about a DNA test for your pet. Yeah. Have any of us done this? No. The question, I've heard of it, and I think we've covered it before, but I'm not sure. What pet DNA test would you recommend? Yeah. So I recommend the Wisdom Panel test, and you ordered online.

I think it's like 60 to 80-ish bucks, and it's a Q-tip swab. The dog has to be fasted, and you just, or cat, or I've actually never done it on a cat, but you swab the inside of their mouth or their gums, get some saliva and submit it. It's fascinating what it comes back. I mean, there's always like a percentage that's unknown, but they'll give you a percentage of what your dog is. It's very interesting. It's really cool.

My husband did something like that with his dog before I met him, and it wasn't that one that you just mentioned. It was some other one. And you could go on there and see, like, who his relatives were. Like if somebody else in a different city in a different state did the DNA test, they would be on that site. And, like, he found, like, a dog that was, I guess, considered, like, his cousin. It was so cool.

Actually, that same thing after my sister last week. About a year ago, they rescued a dog, a little spicy nugget named Griff, short for Griffin Door, actually. Cute. And they did a DNA test, tried to figure out, you know, what's his deal? Where is he from? And just recently it popped up that his dad was rescued. He had been living in a barn just being bred like crazy. And he was first time in a house.

His name was Phoenix. And he looked really cute. 7-year-old Phoenix. So found out who Griff's dad is. Yeah, that's so cool. You see, kind of like this magic idea they have in China where you can wrap a collar around a dog's throat and it'll speak to you.

Ashley, why would your husband spend that kind of money to figure out his dog when he could spend that kind of money to try to figure you out? It was a gift. It was a gift. You'd think you'd want to try to figure out what the hell makes you tick. It's Dr. Andrea. We got a few more minutes. We've got a few more minutes with Dr. Andrea Johnston,

our veterinarian pal from German Animal Hospital in Minnetonka. Listeners have been texted in some questions, and we do have a few more minutes to spare. We've been talking about pets with punny names. Here's a listener who texted in to tell us that they own a snake that they call Hissy Elliott. That's a good one. This is an interesting question.

for a vet. It's kind of sad. Concerning, this listener says my indoor cat got out of the house. Is there any chance that he'll come back? Yes. Yes. They just like to go on a little vacation for a while. It's shocking how they can survive out there. And then they come back. You're like, where are you been? Yeah. I like that about cats. They want to live a little. They want to run around and get a load to the neighbor. Kill some animals. As long as a coyote or a car hasn't gotten them. I mean, they're usually. pretty good. That's the fear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Finish us halfway in, Jesus as a 12-year-old basset hound, not overweight. I'll share that name with Mick's company. I can't believe he just did that. Well, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I was hearing things. You got a dirty mind, right?

I do. I'm a dirty mind. Oh, okay. Not overweight. Last few months, though, she gets really hot when she's sleeping, wakes up panting like she's overheating, having almost like panic attacks at night. But they keep her in a cool room with a fan on her, but it still seems to happen.

Yeah, if she's older and it's at night, my guess is she's probably getting a little doggy dementia or cognitive dysfunction, where the panting may not be that she's hot, but she's anxious. So they get confused at night. They can't see as well. Their sleep-wake cycle gets off, and they get anxious. So my guess is she's probably not overheating. She's probably looking for her owners, a little confused, just like an elderly person at that time.

What should they do? So you can try melatonin. You could do like five milligrams of melatonin at night before bed. Sometimes you need like stronger sedatives like tracodon and stuff too. Or Prozac. Lots of Prozac. Yeah. There you go.

Yeah. Just like old folks. Yep. Just like old people. Here's what I would believe is a question from an owner of an older dog because their question says, is a bluish gray tint in my dog's eyes, the sign of glaucoma? I get that all the time. People are like, I think she has cataracts.

Oh, cataracts. It's actually, the majority of the time, it's called lenticular sclerosis where the lens just scars. They can still see fine. It just looks cloudy. But if the eyes like bulging or big or she's pawing at it or rubbing it, then get it checked out because it could be something like glaucoma. Okay.

Yeah. Bang, bang, Jesus said. his cat has the worst twitches. She'll be sitting there all of a sudden her face head shakes. Best way I can describe it is she reacts like it would if I stuck a blade of grass up your nose when you weren't looking.

What gives? So there is actually a condition called feline hyperesthesia syndrome where they like their fur twitches like it looks like it's kind of moving on their body. Oh yeah. It is a condition that I see periodically. A lot of times I'll use gabapentin

to help minimize it. It's not painful. It's just like spasming of their skin. Yeah, I've seen that twitch before. It's nerve related. Yeah. See, there is medication you can use to manage it. I always thought it looked kind of cool with my cat would.

Poo, boom, boom, boom. Like you said, the fur kind of quick. Yeah, yeah. And that's normal to some extent. If it's aggressive and all the time, then yeah, then probably has that. Here's another cat question. And this is very interesting. A listener believes that he or she has suddenly discovered an extra toe on

one of his cat's paws. I love that. How long have you had this cat? He or she does not say. The polydactal, that's what it's called. Is this concerning at all? No. No. You know Ernest Hemingway, you know, the famous Ernest Hemingway? Josh would know, but yeah. He has a place in Key West, or he had a place in Key West, and all he owned was polydactyl cats. So they all had multiple digits. They're the best. They're like little mitts, little muffin mitts that they just like, So cute. That is cute. Nothing to be worried about.

No, no. That's good. Yeah. Here's a 10-year-old rat terrier, named Bo. Named what? That's cute. Swollen right paw. Having a little trouble walking on it.

He's been licking it pretty good the last couple of days. He sent a picture. It says it's not the greatest photo, but I don't know if you can tell there. Yeah, I can. Looks like he might have either he stepped on something, and he's got. like something stuck in there or he could have an interdigital cyst where unfortunately it's like a deep skin infection otherwise I'd get it checked out sometimes we can see like nail bed tumors and stuff like that so I'd get that looked at yeah a listener is texting in and I'm sure you've heard of

this you were talking about cats with the extra toes and you said they were kind of like muffin mittens this listener says murder mittens is a better name maybe. Your cat can do that much more damage to you if you cross the sum bitch. Oh, they're so cute. One more final final here on my end at least. This is very funny. A listener says, I have a neighbor who has a wallaby. No.

What? A wallaby. Yeah, it's like an Australian wild animal. Oh, is that like a dog? No. No. What am I thinking of? I'm thinking of a dingo.

I was thinking of a dingo. Yeah, wallaby is like a kangaroo-looking thing. Okay, the question is, I have a neighbor who has a wallaby, how the F does one go about getting one? I don't know. And where do you go to care for it? Yeah, pretty sure it's illegal. Yeah. Well, I got to look it up.

So unless they have some weird license to have it, I don't know if many veterinarians. We'll see it. Call the zoo. Maybe they'll... Yeah. Pretty sure it's illegal. It looks like it... Jesus, a shoe came up on my internet.

Wallaby, animal. Yeah, it's like a little kangaroo. Yeah. Oh, you can't have one of them damn things. I wonder if they're a pain or if they're not that difficult to have something. I can imagine they're probably wanting to be somewhere else besides that person's house. I'd imagine. Cubby, it looks like it could just kick the living hell out of you. Oh, I'm sure.

With those back, part, well, it's your legs who kicked the piss out of you. I will tell you, when I was in vet school, we had to take a class on, like, illegal animals coming into the United States and how people would get these, like, crazy lizards and spiders and they put them in like the craziest things in their suitcases to get through the airport. Right. So I don't know how they got that wallaby here, but. God dang. Yeah, really.

I know. They're smuggling wallabies all of a sudden. Well, like I said earlier, you and Josh were trading parent stories when we were off air about school wrapping up. Yeah. You want to tell us what you're up against tonight? We were getting a kick out of it off there. Tomorrow night.

Yeah. Because one of your kids is out of school now. Yeah, my 13-year-olds having 17 girls sleepover. That's way too many. Right. I wouldn't even be able to fit that many people in my house. Well, but you know what? That age, you could sleep standing up.

That's true. We would sleep anywhere. We'd have like four girls in a queen bed. Pile them up on the floor. Yeah. A 17-person sleepover. Oh, my God. Yeah, we're having, I can't believe it's that many.

I hope you have like a 17 pizzas coming. And a well-stock booze cabinet for yourself. Do you want us to send over a boy band or something? That'd be awesome. Entertain them. Just to take it to another level. Why not? Thank you, Dr. Andrew, for your time.

Always fun. Safe travels to graphic squibs, shezes, and all the Masonic Widows' sons motorcycle riders heading to North Dakota for a rally this weekend. Happy 35th, the Streaks for Weeks Window Washing Jesus. Happy 50th, the double Aeron. Love always. The Jesus that placed himself on your pizza,

married that little red-headed girl. She's his, and congratulations to Chase on his last day of fifth grade at Cannon Falls Elementary. 93X. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out,

you shouldn't have to be. have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.