93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Liquid Herpes

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

Originally Aired June 22, 2026: A borderline alcoholic searches for his missing rug. AI Robocop sucks at his job. Everything you've ever wanted to know about grandfather clocks.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member with Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up.

And hey, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X have asked morning show. 90. Yeah, they handed us one of those three-day weekends. We took it. We lived it. And now we have returned.

Good morning, folks. Barely survived it. Did you almost not come out of it alive? No, I'm not going to shock anybody. Did you party too hard? A little bit. I had a pizza party too hard. Whoa.

I'm not going to shock anybody when I say I'm a bit of a dumb ass. and Saturday we had a Father's Day lunch, and I just couldn't wait to eat that pizza. I had to eat it, even though I knew how hot it was going to be. Hot pizza pie. I burned the top of my mouth, worse than I ever have, where today when I was brushing my teeth to come in here for you guys, I brushed my teeth.

It was like a blood bath. I couldn't believe how much blood came out. It was ridiculous. You're bleeding? Yeah, it took a second to remember kind of what happened. I mean, it's irritated, but it took a second to remember what happened. I thought, uh-oh, this is bad. This is nothing but blood coming out of here.

Good morning, by the way. Absolutely terrifying to have that happen. Oh, for pizza. What a dumbass. Well, I mean, sometimes you just can't help yourself. It's so good. Why do they do that? So you took a couple layers of skin off the roof of your mouth on Father's Day. Yeah, at least.

Well, for Pete's sake. You're a grown man now. I know. I thought to say, Tim, my little kid. And I went for it again. I thought, well, how bad could it be two seconds later? It's like a kid at Chucky Cheese in 1994. Dude, you described it well.

Pizza, yay! A pizza party. Although in 1994, I was 19 years old. I was still too old for this. A pizza party has sidelined a 51-year-old man. Yeah. Speaking of being sidelined, Ashley is out today. We hope to get her carcass back in the building as soon as possible.

While we're just effing around here, just firing up the program, Monday, that whole smear. While we're just setting around, I'd like to try this game real quick. I would. Some kind of a movie-related mind F has popped up on the godless internet, where you try and identify a motion picture after hearing what they call here in the you try to identify a movie after hearing what they call here the worst descriptions imaginable. So I read through the list real quick. Well, not all of it, maybe about half of it.

I have a decent idea how the game is played. And just to give our listening audience an example, I've written one up myself. So you two try and come up with the movie title here. I've written one up myself. I'll give you a ridiculous description and I bet you'll be able to name it real easy especially if you consider the source

consider who's asking the question so again this new game is you try to identify a motion picture after hearing the worst descriptions imaginable here's my description and you boys take a guess three brothers with terrible eyesight commit repeated acts of violence

you got it already my full description was Three brothers with terrible eyesight commit repeated acts of violence to try and save a declining factory town That's a beautiful description right there You summed that up well Thank you

And you're right That will be slap shot So I'd like to Dana provided this list I'd like to try to identify these movies And like say Josh If you wouldn't mind helping me out if I'm stuck.

Yeah, vice versa. I'm looking at the list here and I'm having some trouble. All right, these are the worst descriptions possible for these famous movies. We'll try to name the movie title despite the terrible description. Number one, nude drawing ends with everyone being cold. I'm going to go ahead and guess. Dana knows the answers. I'm going to go ahead and guess Titanic.

Yeah, that's correct. That seemed like the easiest one on the list. All right. Someone kisses a dead girl in the forest while seven other guys watch. I have a guess on that one. And I believe that would be snow white. Snow white. That's my guess.

There it is. Okay. A young boy outruns the FBI to make a telephone call. A young boy outruns the FBI to make a telephone call. My first thought was an old Matthew. what was his name? He was Ferris Bueller. Matthew Broderick.

My first guess was the old Matthew Broderick movie called War Games. But then I said, no, it doesn't sound like, Josh, you have a guess. I have another. I think this is probably wrong. E.T. is what came to mind. That's correct? Is it really E.T? Well, it's a little misleading.

It's a little misleading. Because it said boy. That's why I thought I was incorrect. You're picturing. A little human being. Was it ever established in the movie E.T. That E.T. was a boy? Well, I think they're talking about Elliot.

Oh, it's helping E.T. Oh, yeah. That's why I thought maybe the loophole was. Oh, I didn't even consider Elliot. Elliot. The young boy they're referring to here is Elliot. Okay. We got, we're three out of three, Josh.

A father has to pick up his daughter after work. Is that taken? That's taken. Nice. What? A father. has to pick up his daughter after work. That one's very vague.

Very vague. Impressed by that, Josh. You got that one. Wow. Okay, again, these are supposedly terrible movie descriptions. Yet we have to try to guess the title. A goose suddenly dies and it makes everyone really depressed. I think I got it.

Oh, I think I do too. Is it Top Gun? It's Top Gun. Oh, okay, good. That one was killing me. Yeah. Top Gun. That's good.

Whoever wrote that, that's good. Maverick's partner, Goose. Yeah, if people are interested in this game, it's actually a card game. I played it at my cousin's grad party, and I thought it was so much fun. I bought the thing on Amazon, and I'd been going through, and I thought this could make for some fun on the air.

Goose was Maverick's partner in the original Top Gun, which I haven't seen since it came out in 1980s. How did Goose die again? What happened to Goose? They're trying to eject And he hits the canopy Right Crashes his head into that

And then ends up in the ocean Is that funny? Is that right? It's not a comedy Why I don't even know why that As soon as you got done with the description I wanted to laugh No it was very sad

I don't know why It's in the description It's early I didn't sleep much last night Because that's nothing to laugh at And suddenly as soon as you described it I wanted to laugh out loud All right

Here's the next description, movie description. A janitor writes all over school property. Now, this one I'd have absolutely no guess whatsoever, Josh. Goodwill hunting? There it is. Never saw it. Oh, you haven't? Never saw it, I said.

I don't know if you'd like that or not. I thought it was great. It's one of my favorite movies of all time. Robin Williams is just fantastic. He's pretty good. What is the plot line of Goodwill Hunting? Matt Damon plays a janitor at Harvard, and he's secretly a genius.

He's just a... And there's a math equation on the wall, and he solves it, one that nobody else in the whole school can do. Oh, the phlegm. Did you clear it out? Yeah, I did. All right, good. I was trying to, at least.

Yeah. But anyway, Matt Damon is a secret genius, and Robin Williams is his mentor, and I'm doing a bad job describing him, but trust me, it's wonderful. You're doing fine. I mean, I never saw it, so you can tell me anything. Do you remember when everyone was saying, How do you like them apples for a while?

No. Okay, that was from that movie. I mean, I remember that catchphrase, but I heard it way before Matt Damon was it. Yeah, it wasn't like he came up with it, but for a while everybody was saying that. I just like the part when you said, Secret Genius. That sounds very exciting to me. Yeah, he's a poor kid. Works, Construction, Works, Janitor Jobs is often in jail, but he's brilliant.

He's in jail. Did he write that movie? Him and Ben Affleck wrote it together. They did write it. Okay, I was wondering if that was true or not. I was a janitor at a school once. Do you solve any math equations? No one ever wrote one up for me.

Maybe I could have if someone would have one up. Okay. A woman endangers her life while trying to save her cat. I'm lost on that one as well. Yeah, I don't know. Let's think about that one for a minute. A woman endangers her life while trying to save her cat. I mean, I thought we say cat as Garfield as a significant cat, but yeah, I guess I don't know.

Let's hold 651-9-9-9-9-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3. 3.93, if you have a guess on that one, because Josh and I are stumped. Again, the description is, a woman endangers her life while trying to save her cat. Send us. If you think you know the answer, go ahead and text us. We'll move on to the next one. This one sounds familiar. A kid offers a prisoner, a chocolate bar, and they both end up saving the day.

Is that Charlie in the Chocolate Factory? Not Charlie and Chocolate Factory. The original? I have no idea. No, Nick, it's a movie that was set in a location you were just had recently. Okay, I was recently in Washington, Oregon area. Kid offers a prisoner of chocolate bar. They both end up saving the day.

Was it goonies? There it is. Never saw it. Oh, okay. We have a correct answer, I believe, now. On the one that Josh and I were stumped by, a woman endangers her life while trying to save her cat Would that be alien? That's correct.

Okay. Thank you to our listening audience who started texting it in. Boy, that's good. I never would have got that. I don't have much of a memory of alien, but I have a much more clear recollection of aliens. That's the first one I saw in the franchise. Very good. All right.

Again, poor description, and you try to come up with the movie title. This one I got right away when I was skimming it earlier. A grandpa reads a really long bedtime story. I'm going to go ahead and guess that that is, what's that movie with the swords? The Princess Bride. Right, right. There is. Princess Bray.

One of my favorites. A man travels to New York City in order to meet his birth father. A man travels to New York City in order to meet his birth father. Oh, is it elf? There it is. Oh. That's another great one. Okay.

A boy witnesses the death of children while on a tour of a factory. That must be the original Willie Wonka and the chocolate factory. Correct. All right. A borderline alcoholic searches for his missing rug. Go ahead, Josh. Is it Aladdin? No.

No. Aladdin didn't do much drinking. He was more into the cocaine. That's why I was wondering if maybe there's a drinking thing I missed. I'm not surprised that you wouldn't be on to the. this one, Josh, because if I remember correctly, you didn't really like this one. A borderline alcoholic searches for his missing rug is the big Lebowski. There it is.

Oh, sure. I think they could probably take borderline out of there. He had a drink in the entire movie. A boy is abandoned by his family. Oh, so he ruins their house. That must be that McCauley Culkin movie. There you go. What is it called again?

Home alone. Home alone. Oh, Josh, this one's for you. I know you know this one. And this is kind of poorly done. This is really vague. I think we could have done a better job with this one, but a young boy watches his dad turn his hat around.

Over the top. Yeah. I mean, they could have added something in there about truck driving or something to add a little spice to that description. But I just love they included that movie. Oh, I really liked that movie. Oh, I do too. I still enjoy it.

They can only afford one song. It's the same exact song. They could just paint one Kenny Loggins tune. Every montage. Yep. Every single one is some form of the same song. Which is it? Meet Me Halfway.

Halfway across the sky. I don't know the name of the song, but that's the most. Terrible movie, absolutely unwatchably bad. Oh, I'll watch it. I'll still watch it. Yeah, it's not good, but I really like it. Yeah, that's what makes it so good. It's just how campy and dumb it is.

Well, Sylvester Stallone, I can watch anything. There was only one time, well, no, two times in my life. that our dad agreed to go to a movie with us. The man did not care for motion pictures in the theater. He loved to watch old westerns at home, but he hated the theater experience. He always said no whenever we said, can we go to this movie, that movie?

He would always say no and say, ask your mother, I'm not interested. My dad, the original Star Wars, he fell asleep in the theater. I recall waking up, or pardon me, I recall Star Wars coming to an end. And when the lights went up, my dad was sound asleep. Fast forward nine years, he agrees to go see over the top with my brother and I. Because we love Sly.

And my brother and I, of course, being only 15 or 16 years, oh, we walked out going, yeah, that was kind of cool. My old man was furious. Oh, really? He was furious. Oh, was it truck driver related? No, no, no. That it was nothing like. He just said that was the worst pile of dog.

I've ever seen on my life. You know, because sometimes somebody will watch something where it's their profession and they can't stand it because it's so unrealistic. It wasn't truck driving related. My brother and I walked out of there going, what are you nuts? That was pretty good. Well, he was right. And finally, playing this little game, at least an abbreviated version of the game where you give a movie a terrible description and you try to name the sum bitch, I think I know this one. Yeah, I think I know this one.

Although, God, I'm surprised that I do. Because if I have the right movie, I only watched it once when it first came out in 1982 or something. And I didn't really like it. But I think I have this right. A man tries to put in a pool. Would that be poltergeist? I was going to say Christmas Vacation. Josh has got it.

Oh, okay. Christmas Vacation. When you set that up, I knew you had it wrong because there's no way you didn't like Christmas vacation. Right. I just remember something about the movie Poltergeist where there was a pool involved, but again, that was a long time ago. Yeah, that's a decent,

a little gimmick there. What's the name of this game? People are wondering. Oh, let me see here. Portly explained movies. A party game all about identifying movies from the worst descriptions humanly possible. You can find out on Amazon.

It's like 15 bucks. I'm going to look right now. That ain't bad. Park and Rec Jesus texted in about the horrible Sylvester Stallone movie over the top. Park and Rec Jesus says when the character drinks the can of oil, that's where I shut it off. Listeners have texting in their own little poor descriptions to movies to see if we can name the movie. Scoopy Bucket Jesus. A snowman delivers beer. Well, that's got to be, oh, I just had it.

Holy cow with Bert Reynolds Why is it escaping Cannibal run? No Oh what's the other one? You can't think of the name of the Jackie Gleason

Yeah I know the movie I can't think of the name I'm not saying Okay I'm okay with that Nick your story about Smokey in the bandage Yeah there you go

Nick your story about your dad Finally going to seeing a movie And just absolutely hating Over the top He was pissed Made me think of this time my buddy, like me, loved wrestling growing up. Always wanted his dad to take him to go see Raw Smackdown, whatever.

His dad hated wrestling. I thought it was the dumbest thing in the world. He finally agrees to go to Smackdown with his son. He's taking him down to Target Center to go see Smackdown. And it was the Smackdown where Chuck and Billy Gunn get married. Oh, yeah. And so he finally gets his dad to go see a wrestling show with him. And he's watching, like, what in the living hell am I seeing right now?

There's no wrestling. No. Just this long, drawn-out love story between Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo. Exactly. Right. I was cordially invited to that way. Oh, you were? Yes. Nice.

Were you aware of how that worked? No. When you bought tickets to that show. Remember, it was right here in Minneapolis. Yeah. Right here. Oh, of course. Of course it was.

You were just describing your buddy going to see the event live with his dad. If you bought a ticket to that show, the ticket said you are cordially invited to attend the wedding of it was like a wedding invitation it said so on the ticket I think I still have the ticket stub it's beautiful oh god

imagine being 16 and like your dad takes you to wrestling right and that's what the gimmick is and Big Al and I were I mean we Big Al and I dressed up and everything we well Christ it's a wedding we better dress up and show our respect to the couple Does you get emotional at all?

Of course I did. It was a beautiful story. In the end, it never happened. The Undertaker choked them both out. I can't recall how it ended, but Billy and Chuck never, they did not get married, Josh. That's too bad. Chuck Palumbo is marriage material. No question about it, Chuck Palumbo, but it didn't happen.

Here's one. People try and escape worms. Is that Dune or Tremors? I haven't seen tremors. But aren't they like worms in that or something? Yeah, big giant worms. Well, I never saw Dune. Dune.

So kind of half of one, six, half a dozen of the, let's go with tremors. That was my first thought. But maybe it was Dune. I mean, they're making the movies again. And everyone always says Kevin Bacon, but don't forget about Fred Ward. Fred Ward was a terrific actor. Terrific. What do they call it in the business, Josh?

Like he's not the star actor. Character actor. Fred, F me running sideways, Ward. Wasn't Reba McIntyre in that movie as well? Yes. Is it good where it's bad good? I like Kevin Bacon quite a bit. That's one I just never saw.

Yeah, it's bad good. It's not as bad good as over the top, but it's slightly bad good. Yeah. Oh, somebody said Beetlejuice. What about Beetlejuice? The worm movie? Never saw it.

Never. Well, that was like, I don't know, was that kind of the whole movie? Are there worms? You would know in Beetlejuice? I mean, he becomes like a worm. Oh, no. Well, there you.

go. Guy uses a wood chipper, someone says, Fargo. There you go. That's the description. Guy uses a wood chipper. I haven't seen that movie, but that's, that's of course what everybody knows of it. I think you'd really like that one. Yeah, you would love Fargo. What's kept you away from Fargo? It's just one of those where, for no reason I haven't seen it. I just, did you ever check out any of the TV series? No, I heard the Chris Rock one was good. They're all very good. Oh, they're all good. And they're all standalone, see. So they don't, they're not necessarily connected. So you can just watch any season at any point from episode one and follow the plot.

Group spends nine hours trying to return jewelry. Anybody? Hmm. Return jewelry. Now, I've never seen any of these movies, but just from the constant jokes and references over the years, I'm going to guess that's one of those Lord of the Rings programs. Oh, yeah. That's a great guess.

That's got to be it. That has to be it. Because they're bringing the ring back. Jewelry back. Those movies are very boring, by the way. Lord of the Rings? Yeah. I don't think I ever even tried one of those.

I think I tried to... See, I get Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter confused. I watch one episode of one of those two. I just can't recall which. And the accents threw me, and I couldn't follow it. Okay, I know this is not the most difficult thing to do on the fly, but a few other descriptions, poor descriptions,

have been written up and sent our way via the text message to see if we can wager a guess. Tire salesman leads group to victory. I have it. I know I have it. Tire salesman leads group to victory. Yeah, I don't know. That would be Major League.

The manager. Oh, yeah. Whatever his character name was. By the way, speaking of a great character actor, the dude who played the manager in the Major League original movie, one of my favorites, I can't think of his name. Yeah, he was a tire salesman until the Cleveland Indians hired him to skipper that ball club. Yeah, that's a good game, Dana.

Good call on that. How'd you do, by the way? I bet you did really well. I did pretty good. When I was going through the cards, I haven't gone through it. I mean, there's like 200 of them in there, so we could redo this every now and again. if we want. There's a lot, it was very fun.

Man confronts the finger of God. Shut up, you. Twister. You know, Twisters wasn't as dumb as I thought it was going to be. I thought it was fun. Yeah. Twisters? Yeah. Nick, you'll like this, that Philip Seymor-Hoffin hated Twister as much as you did. In fact, he even said that he did it just so he can make enough money to move back to New York City. That was the only reason he agreed to do the movie in the first place.

It is odd, isn't it, that you've got your lead characters, Bill Paxton, and that gal. And then, of course, you know, because they are tornado hunters, what do they call it? Storm chasers. Storm chasers. And of course, they have their rag-tag group of supporters, right? Yes. In almost every movie, you know, if there's some kind of scientist team at work, there's one or two main characters and then the rag tags. And there's the dorky one. And there's the-

They're not flashy. They're not cool. They're, yeah. Right. There's the smart one. There's the drunk one. There's the bumbling one. That has always been very unique to me that amongst the rag tag characters, not a lot of big names there.

But Philip Seymour Hoffman is in there? This guy went down in history, didn't he? As one of the greatest actors ever? Absolutely. So that would, that excuse or whatever the word might be that you just gave me. Makes sense. He just wanted to make some big money. Yeah, he just wanted to make some cash so you can move back to New York and get it a nice place.

You got 10, 12 lines. You got to wear a stupid Hawaiian shirt. You got to pretend to be totally enthusiastic about Torn. He's like, yeah, I got it. I bet he didn't even read the frigging script. Probably not. Turkey Butt McGee says Dude plays a dude

Disguised as another dude Gotta be Tropic Thunder right There you go Just I showed my son that a couple weeks ago Or maybe a month ago I love that movie I forgot how violent it was

Obviously that's not what you think of You know with the movie But there's a couple times I thought Oh maybe I should have given them a heads up But I completely forgot Violent? Yeah I mean it's obviously over the top

Just when they're making the movie right Guts coming out Oh yeah yeah yeah The fake movie Well there you go Oh. Well, again. The Super Trooper guys go to Germany. That's a good one. Oh, yeah. Beer Fest.

Boy, I love Beer Fest from start to finish. Absolutely love that movie. Again, thanks for joining us here on this Monday morning. Ashley, not in today. We're hoping to see her tomorrow. We'll talk to Randy Shaver a little bit later. I think Brad Rider as well. And, I mean, we just hope you have a terrific week. We'll take a little break. break. We'll come back with the stupid news here on the 93x half-ass morning show.

Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints,

you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 571-2410 or go to bealkylaw.com. That's b-a-l-l-k-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. One night with Stine. One night with Stiney. Shout out. Full Send, no.

Hey, bro. What's your name, bro? Sine. What's your name? We've been sitting here for like an hour together. I know your name. What's your name, go? I can't guarantee anything. All I can guarantee is that you're going to be entertained.

I'm a professional. I'm here to interview. So the whole interview, you can ask me what I like better, Burger King and McDonald's. All right. And we are going to. wrap up on that note. Thank you, Steve, so much. That was a movie.

One Night with Steinie. One Night with Stein. One Night with Stiney. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid News on the half-assed morning show. Yeah, we were playing a game earlier. Fun game. It's going

around the godless internet. What you do is like say if Josh was playing, I would really really poorly describe a famous movie. And Josh would have to name the movie. Terrible description. You have to field that description and try to come up with the movie title. A few more were texted our way. What were some examples we had earlier, Josh? Now, I can't remember.

Little boy dodges the FBI so he can make a telephone call. That's the poor description for ET. I can't recall any of the others. New drawing session ends with everyone being cold. for Titanic. Titanic, sure, sure. A few more were sent to us. People are quizzing us now. I'd imagine they're pretty genius from the brother and sisterhood.

They're always great. Our listeners are always great. You know that. I'm just having a hard time with a few of these. So they were texted into us. These are poor movie descriptions. We're going to try to come up with the movie. Pet, steals, ma's, Oreos?

Pet Steels. Ma's and Mom? Ma, M. M-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N-A-R-A-M-A-A-N-A-R-A-M-A-B-A-A-M-A-B-A-W-A-P-W-P-W-B-W-T-W-W-S-W-D-R-W-S-D-Rown. Watches D-R-ROW-T-ROW-T-ROW. I got it. What is it? Point break. Oh, yeah.

I've never actually seen that movie. Never saw it, he says. You're lucky. Oh, I was supposed to, but that's the first porn I ever saw. I was surprised a friend had the point break VHS cover, and inside the tape was actually a porn. So I thought we were going to watch Keanu Reeves surfing, and instead he puts in this pornography.

You know, some people would think that Keanu Reeves surfing is somewhat close to porn. his shirts off, absolutely. So you never saw Point Break because it was porno night instead. So they're FBI agents, right? Yeah. You and a group of buddies watched a porno that night instead of Point Break. That's right. And you were disappointed, weren't you?

I was, well, yeah, I wanted to see the movie and I was disgusted. That movie traumatized me. And I think that's why I'm not a porn guy. Weren't Raviolios involved in this story, too? They were, and that was the last time I ever ate them. This must have been one hell of a porno movie. Oh, it was awful. The subject matter was terrible. It was disgusted.

thing. Can you describe it in a PG kind of way at all? No, horrible. Crimes were committed. I'm honestly, absolutely terrible. I don't know why anybody would make or watch something like that. I got to see this. Pet steals Ma's Oreos. Oh, my damn. We have an answer from a couple of listeners who have texted in. We're talking about every which way but loose. The old Clint Eastwood movie with the with the orang You don't know every which way. I know I've certainly seen like clips. I've never seen it. When I was a kid, I loved that movie.

Loved that movie. I still do. Yes, his orangutan would sometimes steal Clint Eastwood's mother's Oreo cookies. Wow, that's a... All right, here's another one for you. Testing you boys. Myself included, these have been sent in by our listening audience. Mentally ill guy violates a deer

and ends up being a millionaire? We've got to put that one on the back burner too, don't we? Could that be that Tom Green movie, Freddy Got Fingered? Oh, after he violated the road kill, whatever it was, I turned it off. Yeah. So I guess I didn't realize he became a millionaire. Yeah, I don't recall the ending either, and I thankfully don't recall most of the movie. I like Tom Green, but that just wasn't it for me.

Okay, let's go with Freddy Got Fingered. Kangaroos Save the World? These are all very difficult, I guess. I'm sorry. No, you don't have to apologize. I don't have a clue either. And two, I think I have this one, two guys get their dog drunk on beer. I imagine that would be the poor description for Strange Brew.

Strange brew. Yeah. I remember laughing my ass off at that movie. Okay. Well, we'll see if our listing audience can solve these two. Mentally ill guy violates. Oh, we settled on that. We said that's Freddie got, whatever that is, never saw it.

Freddy got. Kangaroos saved the world. What is that? Somebody says kangaroo Jack. Never saw it. Yeah, I haven't seen that either. All right. Have you, Dana?

No. No. No. Jerry O'Connell. I think it was Jerry O'Connell. Appreciate it. Appreciate the effort. Sorry we couldn't come through, but those are tough.

Okay. Today's stupid news report. Let's go ahead with that. You know, Cubby, this artificial intelligence Bukaki party that's going on. Ever since day one, one of the big talking points has been that the artificial intelligence is going to take all of our jobs. Day turker-dur. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-dur-d-d-d-d-d-dur-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d.

Yeah, that's the rumor, right, especially ours. The word has been that AI is going to der-gger-dur. Because a robot can be more of... efficient than a human being. And you ain't got to pay a robot, Dick Tracy, right? Now, maybe that nightmare will come true for all of us someday. Till then, keep in mind that robots aren't out there batting a thousand either, like everyone thought they would.

Robots fail too. Here's the deal. A police department out there in a place called Duffalo. Dublin, Ohio. Last summer, everyone over there at the cop shop was jacking each other off because they had purchased a $128,000 robocop. So they thought, aren't we going to be the most efficient police force on earth here in Dublin, Ohio? We've got ourselves a real-deal robocop.

I kind of want robocop to be real. Oh, yeah. I mean, I want Robocop to be real, only if it's the exact version of the movie. It has to be Peter Weller. Exact version. Every single one is Peter Weller. If you aren't, whatever Robocop you create in the future, scientists and whatnot, if you're listening, and I'm sure you are. If it ain't Peter Weller Robocop from the motion picture, you've failed.

So in Dublin, Ohio, the police station out there, they put together $128,000 for their very own real. deal robocop. And they were excited. They called this some bitch, dub bot. Dublin, Ohio, mixed with the word, right? Dublin robot, dub bot. Let me tell you something or another about dubbot. He had fancy schmancy gear hanging off of him, like 360 degrees security cameras to catch derelicts in the act of terrible crimes. Dubbot had an emergency button on it. So if some type of terrible emergency was underway, folks could stab that button.

And then Dubbot would call backup cops to the scene. He'd call his human partners? He would. They parked Dubbot in a few different parts of town, shady parts of town, to keep an eye out for trouble. Come with me or there will be. trouble. Now,

not even a year later, Dubbot just got called into the chief's office, and he got fired! Because some bitch turned out to be useless. Says here, Dubbot didn't lead to any arrests, no criminal cases,

no tickets, never once recorded any incidents that required a police response. Dubbot sucks, they said. I'm just going to, I'm just going to, Is he going to become like an alcoholic? Is this going to be a downfall for the guy? Deals of marriage issues.

Come on, Chief. Give me one more chance. No more chances, the chief said. He didn't do dick. Dubbot, the wannabe robocop, has been returned now to the company that created it. And it says here also that the Dublin cops, like I said, they were pumped about this.

They were just about ready to go ahead. head and buy a second robot cop. But they're backing out now because the first one sucked eggs. I like this from a guy in the trades, this tax deer. Yeah, I'd like to see AI measure three times and still cut it an inch and a half off. Hey, I could do that. That's my usual move. The Dublin Police Department will get part of their money back.

don't know how they negotiated that, but they are going to get half of their money back for their busted stupid dubbot that didn't accomplish Dick Tracy. They're still out $68,000. So there you go. I know a lot of us are a little on edge, a little nervous about this AI swooping in and taking everybody's job, dirker dur. But robots can F up too. They fail too. Well, remember, it wasn't that long ago, Josh. I think it was over in China or some godforsaken place. They had their own robocop on the sidewalk. Right?

Stalking up and down the sidewalk, the high dollar robot. And it ended up, it like, scissors kicked some old lady to death. Yeah, and a little kid got kicked by a little robot guy. Yeah, so the robot cop didn't realize that this innocent old lady was just an innocent roll old and it it gave the old lady a pop-up power bomb on the sidewalk. I mean, so they're not perfect either.

It does seem like the majority of news stories nowadays are AI, something AI themed or written by AI. Yes, we're surrounded by it and I've almost reached my absolute limit. I'm so tired

of hearing about it and it hasn't won yet, Josh. Not quite. Subaru Parts, Jesus said AI taking my job. Promises, promises. Yeah, hurry up and take my gig. Yeah, do it. Do you want it? There's radio stations that is just AI.

Programs and music. The DJs are AI. It's tough to tell. I mean, sometimes, there's a few, like, sites you can use where it's really tough to tell. The Simpsons talked about AI taking over radio stations in, like, 1996. It's one of those things where they always talk about the Simpsons predicted this, predicted that. But, yeah, there was an episode about that where the local. DJs, they're like, we have a machine

that could take your job right now. Before it used to be people, they'd say, hey, we got people to take you. Now it's AI. Big nose, small host, Jesus said, maybe the Dubbot worked so good that no crime occurred. Give him some credit. He was such a good deterrent.

That's not the way the chief looked at it. Dubot in my office? Slamming the door, yelling at the Dubbot. St. Paul Lino, Jesus, says that Dubbot Didn't report any crimes because dubbot

ain't no snitch. Yeah, but maybe that's it. We don't program bitches here at the robot factory. All right. Now here I thought that dry handies and blowjays on a ferris wheel

here I thought that was an activity strictly reserved for junior high and high school kids, but I guess I'm wrong. Never experienced it. Anybody get frisky on a Ferris wheel here? Ferris wheel, no. It's what I make you know, but no hand stuff. I even did that.

A couple of my high school buddies, you know, yeah, you get a blow job on the damn. What about a sky ride? Yeah. Yeah, sky ride. The one I'm thinking of? At the fair? Yeah. The car?

The car that travels across the sky? That's the one. Oh, yeah. Don't take a black line. one of those things. Oh, really? Yeah. It's so family-friendly, though.

Families were created there, maybe. The sun goes down, Josh. I thought it was just a junior high and the high school kids. But I'm wrong. Some pictures have been going around. And I know what you're going to say. Again, with the godless internet. But some pictures have been going around, don't you know?

And it looks like a fully grown couple at an amusement park, tried to sneak a BJ in while riding the damned ferris wheel. And maybe I shouldn't even use the word sneak because they weren't too subtle about it. Oh, no, not at all. They took the classic positioning for that act. Dude standing, hands on his hips, gal kneeling.

And it was, I've never seen this before, clear sides. There wasn't like a normal cage around it. You could see straight through that thing. Had the dude sat down in the ferris wheel? they might have had a chance to conceal what was going on skis, but like I said, I don't think they cared. I think they wanted everyone at this park to know that they were into public sex and all that.

Word is this disaster took place at an amusement park somewhere. I don't know where and it doesn't matter. Right before Guns Plus Roses was about ready to put on a show, G&R was playing at an amusement park just like Kiss did in the 19 and 78 documentary Kiss meets the Phantom of the Park. I saw scenes for that. You're looking for someone, and it's not Kith. That's my imitation of Paul Stanley.

One line from Paul Stanley in the movie. Were they sitting on a park bench when he said that? That sounds familiar. In that scene, they're walking off the stage. At one point, they're sitting like in giant director's chairs when the police approached them. And Ace Frealey says, What does he say?

He's got a great line in there. He says something. Okay, so where the hell did I put this? Oh, here it is. Couple on the Ferris wheel at the amusement park before the Guns and Roses show. And they were not subtle at all about throwing a BJ into the mix while the Ferris wheel is going round and round. There's supposedly another clip going here and there

of these two adults who where the dude is apparently poking at his lady from the backside. You following what I'm saying in there? I can picture that. So the cops are trying to find the two of them.

That's pretty gross. Try to keep your D and your shorts when there's kids around. Is that too much to ask? They're at an amusement part. They're old enough to know better. Right. And I mean, they made no attempt to cover it. No, I mean, so they wanted everyone to see.

They wanted people to see. Right, but, and that's, you know, if you're at, uh, if you're, well, let's say this was just, well, I guess I'm trying to make an excuse for these people than I shouldn't. Just to me, it makes it that much more disgusting. They're at an amusement park. Right. Where there's kids around. There's no, there's no explaining that away. No, there's kids everywhere.

Yeah. So, I mean, come on. I mean, what a nice person that she would provide that for the gentleman. But there's plenty of places you can do that, and everybody's cool with it. Plenty of places to do that where there's only adults around. Now, don't get me wrong, lady. Very kind of you. Wow, you're very giving.

But please have some decorum. Right. Some kid, like, taking a break at his cotton candy, asking his parents a lot of questions about what's happening on that Ferris wheel. I didn't know that, though, Dana. You got to take a black light to those things, huh? The Skyride ones? Yeah.

A little more privacy on those. Oh, your grandparents probably did. hand stuff to each other on that. No, no. They didn't even know what hand stuff was. Ever since they built that sky ride, that's been the thing. You go up there with your high school girlfriend and you get as much done as you can between point A and point B. God, I missed out. I think that's the reason they built it. What do you mean high school girlfriend? You could have a girlfriend in high school, huh? You're allowed to you. Oh, missed that one. The other spot at the fair where I like to get fresh back in the day was on ye old mill. Oh, sure. You can get fresh there,

well, yeah, you're getting a canoe. You're traveling. Pitch black, basically. Yeah, it's just a... Gotta be quick about it, though. Not the longest ride. No problem. I'm your guy. All right, Josh. Did they finally get a few women to show up at the stupid naked people bicycle ride in stupid London?

Yeah, they actually did. We've been covering this event since the beginning. I mean, you know how it is? They could have just picked the best shots. Like, oh, there's like four girls there. This is the one we want to publicize, but... Yeah, they did. Mostly old dudes, but there was a few girls in there.

I can't believe it. We've been covering this since the beginning, the naked bicycle ride in London. It's always disgusting and completely pointless. From the pictures that I looked at of this year's event, yeah, it looked like they finally got a couple of women to show up. Miss Price still 85% dudes. Oh, yeah. It says here a week ago or so, quote, hundreds of cyclists. bicycle riders, stripped off all their clothes and put on their little helmet and then peddled through the streets of London.

If you're there because you're horny, which I'd imagine a good portion of them, is there any way a girl's going to look at a naked dude and go put that guy on a bike and I'm going to want him? Yeah. You think so? Yeah. Oh, I can't imagine. There's a few out there. They call it the annual world naked bike ride. gross.

And of course, you know how this goes. The folks who organize the event claim that it's all for a good cause, like body positivity or something like that. Nobody believes that. There's not one swing and D who believes that. It's just, we've said a million times. There are folks out there who desperately want to show you their genitalia, and they will put any spin on it in order to make it happen.

That's the end of the story, right? Right there. You can be body positive and keep some pants on. Yes, you can. It says here laws in England say that you can go ass naked anywhere as you want as long as you're not looking to start trouble or beat off. Like that sex boat we were talking about last week. You have all the sex you want but no jacking off. That's pretty funny.

You can put anybody in any position. Don't touch yourself. Whatever he want, though. But if you reach for that rod, your own rod. You're in trouble. So online social media types had something to say. One individual said children returning from school had to see this. This is an outrage.

Another said, forget the stupid children. I'm an adult and I wanted to puke my guts out. Oh, Cubby, the horrors that were left behind on those bicycle seats. I can't even imagine. I mean, you start with the sweat and then everything else. Because a lot of folks rented their bicycles. There was some guy that had a dragon bike. And I got to say, I'd probably put on a helmet so nobody could see my face, but it did look kind of cool.

He was riding a dragon bike? Yeah, had a dragon-themed bike. Big dragon head on the front of it. Well, actually, it kind of looks like an e-bike. That's cheating. So if you're riding those bikes naked and you see a gal or two that you find attractive, do you think you could pedal a bike with a boner? sure I know I can pedal a bike with a boner

I know it that's the only way I bike I can do a lot of things with a bonesky yeah you'd be surprised all right back to peeing is difficult but other than that yeah I think I can accomplish you just got to lay down on the toilet

good call back to a game we were playing earlier where you describe a movie poorly you give it a ridiculous poor description and the trick is to try to name the movie.

You want to try another one of these? Sure. I get a little nervous. We're going to screw it up, but yeah. Well, what's there to screw up? I don't know. Not getting it, I guess. Oh, well, I mean, that's part of the fun if you don't get it.

Here's a description that was sent in. Our listeners have been texting in these poorly described motion pictures, and we're seeing if we can guess them. Here's one. This one says it's for me in particular. Burglar, but I'm seeking all the help I can get. burglar fails at job so bad he has to take up a new job as an HVAC worker

Hmm Burglar fails at job so bad He has to take up a new gig As an HVAC worker If anyone can help us out Because it doesn't sound like any of us have the answer I got nothing A lot of these have come in I haven't seen the movies lately

I mean lately meaning the attacks have come in lately 651-9-9-9-9-3 if he can help us out with that one because I have no idea when he's directing it to me well now people are texting in blue streak and that doesn't really make sense he doesn't take up a new gig as an hback worker he takes up a new gig as a police officer yeah okay everyone's saying blue streak

but I know yes he was climbing through the air ducts to try to find the diamond from the original failed diamond heist, right? Yeah. And Dave Chappelle. But he was a cop and a pizza delivery man. Oh, and a pizza delivery man. That's right.

He was. He's very selective. There's people he didn't trust putting that pizza in front of. So there's one reason and one reason only why we couldn't get the answer there right away because that description blew. Somebody said diehard. Yeah, sure. But he wasn't an HVAC guy. He just crawled through again.

Right. I mean, that's what came to mind for me too. Not all of these are perfect. I understand. The Italian job? Never saw it. That's not my guess. That's what somebody's texting in.

Oh. I don't know if that works. It's a Mark Wahlberg Heist movie. It's one of those movies where they say the name of the movie in it. You know, so they're planning a heist, and Mark Wahlberg goes, we'll have to do this one like we did the Italian job. It was like, uh, that was weird. I think that was mostly an ad for like smart cars or minis.

Yeah, those mini, Cooper Mini. Yeah, because they're flying around. a house in them and stuff, like a big mansion? Yeah, overwhelmingly people are texting in Blue Street. All right. If he became an H-FAC worker, I don't remember that at all. I just remember the pizza delivery guy and the cop. That's the beauty of doing these on the fly.

Yeah, dude. Dude with 9-5 last two digits in your number. You screwed that one up. But it worked well enough that people got it. Here's something you likely didn't know. says here online shopping is huge, as my dad used to say. It is huge in South Korea. Were you aware of that, Josh?

Online shopping is completely out of control in South Korea. Sure. I'd imagine there's plenty of places, but. And a lot of the young people out that way are dangerously addicted. Do you know anybody who's hooked on online shopping? Yeah, retail therapy, they call it. Yes, I do. How are they doing?

How bad is it? Well, I mean, bad. It's not good. Debt and, you know. Really? Paper cuts from cardboard boxes, I'd imagine. Like, honestly, they're going into debt. This is a real addiction.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. Is anything being done? Have you had a conversation with that? I mean, it's a couple. It's, yeah, the other, the spouse is trying to get it figured out. So they're aware of the problem? Yeah, they know. There's a lot of returns.

going on. God dang. Sometimes it's just that whole dopamine effect. It just shows up at the house and then they return it and they get the feeling that they bought something. That's what was described to me. Holy balls. That's very interesting to me.

I'd love to hear more about that. You're a package thief. I mean, prime real estate right there. You could make a killing. I'd like to hear more. So in South Korea, especially the young people, people are hooked on shopping online.

The people of South Korea, the general population, are trying to do something about it. So they came up with a new series of apps with fake stores connected to the app so folks can browse items like you normally would. You can look through reviews on the items. Oh, this weed whip was rated three out of five. You can compare prices. You add items to your cart. I'm adding that to the cart. I'm going to buy the weed whip.

I'm going to buy this electric toothbrush. I'm going to buy this set of slacks. You add the items to your cart. Then you go ahead and enter your shipping address. You arrange payment like you normally would. The app even shows you tracking information on the shipment. Man, that's crazy. You can watch your new pair of imaginary shoes.

or whatever. You can watch its every move as it heads in your direction. The catch is none of it's real. Nothing is actually being delivered to your house. You don't, you didn't actually order Dick

and you didn't pay for Dick. So the whole gimmick was created just to give addicts. Oh, here, just what you said a minute ago. The whole gimmick was created to give shopping addicts that shopping dopamine hit to scratch that it.

There's a few people texting in saying they know someone like that. I won't give a Jesus name here in case they don't want them to know. But this person says their sister-in-law has hundreds of items in the online shopping cart. Doesn't buy, but just likes to add them. So, you know, she feels like she's buying something in a way. Wow. I've done that before where I put something in the cart and then just think about it for a couple days, you know, just to decide if it's something I really want or if I was just a number.

a mood. Really? Well, it's an interesting addiction. Yeah, I mean, shoot, it can be an expensive one. A friend of mine, every once in a while for fun, he will scroll through his phone and show me. I mean, I'm sure you guys are aware of this. This stuff is tough for me to follow. But everything that his wife orders online, he gets a report of it on his cell phone.

Okay? You guys have seen that kind of thing before? Yeah. Okay. I get alerts to anything that's purchased. Okay. Wife, kids, everyone in the family? I mean, everyone in your immediate family, you know what they're buying at all times?

Yeah, I mean, usually, like my credit card company or if they buy it from a certain app, it'll say, hey, here's your order. So, his buddy of mine will sit at the bar and he'll scroll through his cell phone. She might be an addict now that I'm thinking about it because, I mean, it's like 30 items. deep some days. And what's really interesting about it is he'll show me, he'll go, look at this. Okay, at 2 o'clock this afternoon, she ordered a 40 pound bag of dog food. And I'll say, okay. And then he'll go, okay, let's scroll forward to 7 p.m.

Why did she buy an additional 8 pound bag of dog food? And I'll say, I don't know. So maybe there's something there too. I just pull up our Amazon. My wife currently has nine different dresses in the shopping cart. Okay, so she's like cubby, she considers it for a couple of days, or is this all new to you? No, yeah, there's always about that amount of items in the cart that she's kind of going back and forth on, I guess.

So will she eventually buy all of them, or she just picks, like, one? I don't know her exact mindset. I just know that any time I go, like, I buy Gatorade on Amazon a lot, have it delivered to the house. So I go to buy Gatorade, and there's, I got Gatorade, and then like nine dresses in the cart and I have to go, no, I just want the gate rate. Huh.

I mean, that, again, this is... It's okay if you want to wear dresses. I'm very open to dresses, Josh. I am new to all this, so I could listen to you tell me these stories all day long. I've never made an online purchase, so I don't... Jenna Tolls Jesus. Jenna Tolls Jesus has texted the program and he says, ordering a pretend package.

It's like drinking a lacrosse. Troy to wean off of energy drinks. Maybe it helps some people. Yeah. I mean... Do you think that would help your friend? I don't know. There's probably something here, too, that would be like that if they have in South Korea.

Maybe. All right. Before we go, one more terrible, ridiculous movie description, and we try to guess the movie. I think we can get this one. I think we got this one. Man-pays. employee to drill, employee drills man's daughter instead.

Armageddon? That's right. That's great. Stupid, terrible, awful Armageddon. It's not that bad. Thank you, beer drinking. How do I say this again? Beer, brewing and drinking, Jesus.

I think you've got to change your Jesus name. I'll come. Because it's difficult to say. Oh, too much to say. Beer, brewing, and drinking, Jesus. I mean, if you're going to brew, it obviously you're probably going to drink i don't know work on it if you can this just one request from me to you we got to what about like a hot and spicy crunchy nutty tasty chewy jesus i love that

but there's such a wonderful bounce to that all you like that one better oh yeah i mean that's it's just a beautiful rhythm to that where this one is uh we'll check the sports here what do we do next sports yeah sports yeah right sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show unbelievable unbelievable unbelievable around here Monday morning hoping you're having a good one I think we're hanging in there appreciate you asking we were talking about online shopping a couple of minutes ago we'll get to the jock sniffing here in just a minute but we were talking about online shopping some people are smooth hooked on it Josh had a story about a friend

who's struggling buying everything under the friggin son going broke going into debt listener texting in and said my wife loves to return a $30 dress she orders it online and it comes to the house and then she returns it. $30 dress and then she'll say to her husband, look honey, I just made $30. You know, he calls that girl math. I've heard that strategy before or maybe not strategy, but that train of thought because where somebody will buy something and like, look, I saved $40 on this very expensive purchase.

You're ignoring everything else there. We didn't need to make that purchase. It's like those some bitches who gamble all day long. They spend about five grand, then they win $500 and they want to brag about it. Right. They always, nobody ever posts their losers. You know, the pull tabs that are just nothing. They only post the winners.

And I'm always like, how much were you in before you pulled that 350? All right. Let's sniff a couple of jock straps here real quick. Twins are doing really well. Really well. Is it fair to say they're pretty streaky? Yeah. Like everyone's like, ah, shoot, this is what?

we were afraid of and all of a sudden, wow, they're really exceeding expectations. I think that is perfectly fair to call this team streaky. They went 5 and 1 on their road trip. They beat the Arizona Diamondbacks yesterday, 4 or 2, so they won the series. Now, this ought to be something now. Ready to be aggravated? The L.A. Dodgers are in town. Dodgers and Twins start up a series tonight over there at Target Field, the friggin Dodgers.

Would you have any interest in seeing show high? Not really. Oh, really? No. I'm burned out on that. whole mix. He gets talked about a lot. Yes, he does. I would love to see the twins just give the Dodgers a kick to the nuts real quick just to wake them up. We'll see how it all turns out they start tonight. Yeah, the show high thing. I still think the guy's kind of shady. Absolutely.

He might have got away with one. A big hockey trade. It didn't involve the pigs. It almost involved the pigs, but it did not. We can tell you about a big hockey trade coming up at 7.30. I'm sure Dana can fill in the blanks on what's next for our United States soccer club. A lot of fun. Very exciting right now. You're telling me

it's exciting. I don't need to tell you. You're trying to tell me? I don't need to tell you. I know that. Unbelievable around here. The way you said it, Dan, I couldn't tell you being sarcastic? No, this is the greatest start of the World Cup of this country's ever had. Ever. Never. No. I'm telling you. I'm not telling you. I'm not telling Nick, I'm telling you, Josh. Don't you freaking dare. Here's a couple more something or

another's for you before we take a break. We've been playing this movie game all day long. And I'm completely content with that. This has been fun. Again, the gimmick is you give someone the description for a movie, but make it really ridiculous, make it vague. And then the poor bastard on the other end has to try to name the movie. Poorly describe a movie and see if someone can name it. A couple more have been texted in. I think we got these boys. Number one, farmer meets old wizard joins uprising and then saves the day with no previous

flying experience. Farmer meets old wizard joins uprising and saves the day with no previous fly. I haven't. Independence day. Oh, that's not what I was going to guess, but it might be. First I was going to say Superman, but there's no wizard. I'm going with Star Wars. Oh, yeah.

That's a good one. Oh, yeah. Duh, there's a wizard in Independence Day. I'm a dumbass. Well, uh... There's a wizard of screenwriting, whoever wrote that thing. No, there is no wizard. No wizard in Independence Day.

I like this one. Nazis commit suicide by opening box. Raiders to the Lost Art. Raiders of the Lost Art. Oh, that's a lot of. scene was so gross as a kid. I loved it. I love that scene. The Nazis deserved it. Their faces start melting. And what's his name? The lead character, Robert De Niro. Who was the lead character again? Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford says, don't open your eyes,

Marion, right? Raiders of the? Yeah, Raiders lost. Last? Classic. Raiders of the. Wonderful. We'll do, we'll get over to Josh. Next. He'll give you his news report. The whole franchise. Great. air conditioning. The love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast.

Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bealky Law. dot com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-L-O-L-A-L-L-R-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-R-E-L-R-E-L-R-E-L-R-E-L-ROL. Like, I'm not passing that up for anything. Join the party. She went to Mech-L-L-E-L-E-W-E-L-L-Riducal. What is the Mech-L-L-Ridic. I think it's an excuse to dress up like an and go to a ball.

The Full Send Podcast. Oh, we're ready. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Several times a week, I get a flare up. It goes all the way up to the top of my eye, my eye twitches. I mean, it's very painful.

Many people have heard the horror stories about restaurant workers retaliating by spitting in customers' food. But most of us prefer to believe those tales belong in the same category as soon. newer alligators, lies about the earth being round, and other unsettling urban legends. Unfortunately, a case out of McCurtain County, Oklahoma, suggests one of those stories may have come with a sight of truth and pus-filled blisters. A former Arby's manager is facing a felony poisoning charge after allegedly spitting into a customer's food, and according to the accusation, giving her herpes. Lord above. After a long night-tending bar, Jenica Church,

buy in Arby's in Broken Bow, Oklahoma. Church said she and then manager Amanda Hendricks had a bit of a history, but nothing serious. Oh, you go into Arby's and you see that bitch from high school. She said, yeah, we had some scraps in the past, but it was no big deal. Or so she thought. She took her food home and unknowingly ate a big,

full serving of liquid herpes. People say, oh, well, spit in your food or whatever, you know, but I've never seen that happen. Not long after, Church said her mouth flared up, something she'd never experienced before. A doctor later diagnosed her with herpes. And because Broken Bow was the kind of town where news can travel faster than the drive-through line, Church says word got around. She learned Hendricks had been bragging about spitting in the sandwiches for quite some time.

And Church's daughter eventually heard about it. According to the affidavit, Broken Bow police said they reviewed Arby's surveillance footage and saw Hendricks swap out horsey sauce for herpes sauce spitting into the food. Meanwhile, the restaurant, famous for slow-roasted meats, became a spit-roasted operation that day with more spit than roast. The family's drunk-sounding attorney said he's floored. No other employees who witnessed that spitting stepped in to stop it. And they let it go all the way out the door to the point my quiet now is a communicable disease.

That has to be culture deeper than just Arby's Broken Bow, Oklahoma. I don't know. But we're going to find out. They got them right after a happy hour there. Church and her family have since filed a lawsuit against Hendricks, Arby's, and the restaurant group affiliated with that location. Well, that's poor behavior right there. And apparently she'd been doing this for a while. She's been spitting in food for a...

This particular woman's food. Oh! At least just her, I guess. That's the one they figured out. Every time she came into the joint. She gave her a little hactua right there. Police in Florida, her. Arrested two people Friday in charges that included street racing.

And one of the suspects is old enough to qualify for a senior discount at every diner in town. He's 85 years old at age where there probably isn't enough Viagra on the planet to even make a twitch. But apparently there's still plenty left in the tank when it comes to the accelerator pedal for the old timer. According to authorities, about 1130 a.m., a deputy in Leesburg spotted two vehicles, a red corvette and a gray two-door Nissan sports car, they called it, moving at what could be described as an enthusiastic pace. Radar clocked the Corvette at 125 miles per hour and the Nissan hitting 110 in a 45.

Well, the fact that he was 85 street racing, that's kind of shocking. That's definitely jail time, for sure. One deputy stopped the Corvette while another pursued the Nissan. Both insisted they weren't street racing and claimed they didn't even know each other. The Nissan driver, the 85-year-old, told deputies the Corvette driver had swerved at him, and shouldn't have done that. He said he was simply out enjoying a drive in his favorite car

and wasn't trying to do anything with anybody before reacting to the alleged swerve. I was behind you guys since we came from off of Leesburg. He swirved at me, and he shouldn't have done that. Okay. And I am out just having a little ride in my favorite car, and I'm not about it. do anything with anybody, but when somebody swears at me. He did not put his teeth in before he went out for street racing?

He had a, is it, Cigorello, a cigar type thing in his mouth there when he was talking. The Corvette driver, a 57-year-old man, argued his car wasn't even capable of reaching that speed. What's the problem? 125 miles an hour. No, sir, no, sir, absolutely. He has done, you back. The, my car doesn't go that fast and I wasn't racing claims. They have been a solid defense.

Right up until his ego grabbed the wheel, he couldn't resist taking a victory lap. Deputy said when the Corvette driver was asked by jail staff which car he was driving, he responded, the one that won, the Corvette. The kind of statement that keeps defense attorneys employed. Now both men face street racing charges. I know it's cute. He's 85, right? the whole Betty White thing. Oh, they're old, but they're still doing young people things.

I know that a lot of folks are going to go down that route. But if you're going 100-some miles per hour and a 45, you're a friggin idiot. Yeah, that guy's a moron. And especially when he's claiming, well, you know, what am I supposed to do? The other guy kind of swerved at me. But the quarterback guy... You're never too old to spin stupid excuses, are you? No, I guess not.

Definitely old enough to know better there. The other guy couldn't hold it in. Yeah. I'm not racing. I won the race. Mm-hmm. I want you guys to think I'm cool. I wasn't raising, but if I did, I definitely won.

Would it kicked his ass. A Texas man is facing felony charges after police say he falsely reported a student had a gun at his son's high school so he could get out of a speeding ticket. Montgomery County deputies stopped 39-year-old Nathaniel Ellis for speeding. When asked why he was driving so fast, he claimed a student with a gun had gotten into an altercation with his son, and he was heroically rushing to the scene. Okay. Apparently Ellis didn't spend much time workshopping that excuse.

It's a curious defense because if there really had been an armed student at the school, most people would probably call the police not try and beat them there. Unfortunately for Ellis, law enforcement took the report seriously. The heavily armed professionals who actually trained for this sort of thing responded to the school and somehow managed to secure the scene without Ellis's backup. Police scoured the campus, checked on Ellis's son, who was perfectly full. fine, by the way, and confirmed with school officials no altercation had occurred and no armed student existed. Investigators later determined the entire story was fabricated, so rather than simply

accepting a speeding ticket, he traded a traffic citation for a felony charge. He was arrested and charged with filing a false report eliciting an emergency response, and because the fabricated report involved a firearm at a school, that charge is a felony. You are a true jabrony. What an idiot. Just a full-on, four-alarm jabrone. Yeah, I think we got a school shooter about to happen. Don't worry, I'm on the case, guys. Sit this

one out. Effing terrible. A hurry to a larping tournament. Ended with a very real encounter with law enforcement in northern Arizona. On June 11th, troopers stopped a driver and flagstaff, who was clocked at over a hundred miles an hour. When asked about

the speed, the driver explained she was running late for a larping tournament and Colorado. For anyone unfamiliar with the pastime, LARP stands for live action role-playing, a hobby where participants suit up in costume and immerse themselves into fictional worlds filled with knights, quests, and imaginary kingdoms. How have you not been sucked into this? I've watched some. But yeah, I haven't done it. I don't have the acting chops. You could be a LARPing commissioner.

I don't have the chops, man. Don't give me this chops crap. I don't have one shot. Are there budding dineros and Pacino's in the larping world? I don't think so. This just sounds like something you would really, really enjoy. It does sound fun. Yeah.

Apparently, she was determined to reach her kingdom without delay. Yeah. In this case, her trip to the medieval-themed tournament involved considerably more horsepower than the average steed and considerably less respect for thine posted speed limit. She made haste at 106 miles per hour, where the speed limit art just 65. Speeding to save a fictional realm is no excuse for drivers on Arizona highways, DPS said in a statement.

Alas, the royal pardon was not accepted by Arizona troopers. Arizona law states exceeding the posted speed limit by 20 miles an hour or more, or even exceeding 85 miles an hour anywhere in the state, constitutes criminal speed, which is a class three misdemeanor. She was arrested for criminal speeding and booked into the King's Dungeon. Do you even have a character in mind? I bet you even have a character in mind that you'd like to portray if you entered one of these larping tournaments?

Not really. I mean, I would like my beard to be known as Beardsley throughout the realm, like it would have its own personality. Maybe it gave me some sort of power. The power to repel women, although I could shave and have that same power. If this sounds like a uniquely unusual reason to flirt with triple-digit speeds,

It brings to mind the woman we talked about in stupid news last week, and coincidentally, also in Arizona. The driver was pulled over for speeding because she was trying to get home in time to watch a reality dating show. Oh, yeah. Police said she was clocked at 108 miles an hour and a 65 mile per hour zone, telling cops she didn't want to miss the start of Love Island. Josh, would you get into a civil war reenactment type of setup? Yeah, I think I'd prefer that over, like, nights.

I could see you get into that. Yeah. I did not know you had, I did not know you were drawn to the Civil War stuff. Yeah, I think I'd rather do that. You seem more of a Game of Thrones guy to me. Yeah, both sound pretty sweet, to be honest. Yeah, although I'd imagine friendly fire would take me out in both situations, whether a flaming arrow in one or then just a musket in the other. Like that South Park episode where they get so drunk during the Civil War arena act, man, they think it's an actual war.

And they just keep getting it. It goes on for days and days. You know what character I hope you portray when you enter the Civil War LARPing tournament, Josh? What's that? What's that? I'd prefer? Ulysses S. Grant!

Pah! To pop! Grant! I'd have to do that and explain, hey, you know what? In a couple hundred years, you guys are going to think this is awesome. Right. Your kids are going to love it. Retired quarterback Kurt Warner 55.

The Da Vinci Code author, Dan Brown, 62. Grant. Bruce Cam. from the cult classic Evil Dead movies, 68, and 46 days until Eagles quarterback Jalen Hertz's birthday. We have the great honor to welcome baby Rory into the brotherhood. Rory. Rory. Gotcha.

Happy birthday to X. Rodbuster, now blind, married green gene Jesus from Joe the plumber. And happy belated birthday. Shout out to Eby and Neby to Sleepy Jesus from Ohio Moose Stuff Jesus. And that's 93X News. and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show Breaking ball fouled off of a shizum he felt that one remember Jess fouled a ball off his foot last night

I don't know where he fouled this one off and I don't really want to know I don't think it was the foot that one will have you singing at a high pitch in the shower he looks like he's really a pain Monday morning don't you know the boys are back in the mix Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder sound off gentlemen good morning good morning Hello. Hey, good morning.

And speaking of the boys, the audio there, that's a couple days ago. Yankees' second baseman Jazz Chisholm was up to the plate, and he chopped a foul ball up into his Johnson and balls. And his teammates thought it was the funniest thing they'd seen all day long. That's what happens when somebody takes a shot there. You have to laugh. Is that video up on our website?

No. No, it is not, unfortunately. We have, we got to send it to somebody different. Ashley's got the day off today. If you can get a hold of this video, I've never seen such a wild contrast between the way Chaz, how do you say his name again, Jazz Chisholm, the way he's reacting to it and the way his teammates are reacting to it. I mean, Aaron Judge, you name one of those douchebag Yankees who's in the dugout. Every one of them is smiling or openly laughing.

And this Chisham guy looks like he has never been in this much pain before. in his lifetime. I mean, he really struggled with this. That'll happen. And he didn't wear a cup. He says that he doesn't wear a cup, and he doesn't plan to wear a cup. That might be part of the reason why they were laughing so hard at him. So there you go. I mean, the announcers were even asking about that. Like, does he wear a cup? And one of them said they don't wear him anymore. In all the years we've been broadcasting together, Randy Shaver,

that is one of the toughest battles you've ever had, is trying to understand why these athletes today do not protect their gonads and their peckers. Well, especially at that level of baseball. Right. I can understand maybe not high school. Oh, no, I'm talking about the pros, yeah. Yeah, I mean, at that level, I just don't,

the ball gets to you so fast on the infield or something like this happens at the plate, it just, I just don't understand it. I'm right there with you. The third basement that lost one of them. Yeah. What was his name? Beltray.

Beltray. Adrian Belchrey, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's just, it just doesn't make a lot of sense, but I understand it's for Chisholm, it's a comfort level. Right. He just never, never wore one because of the comfort level. Is that what he said?

Did you read an interview with them or something? A lot of them use that excuse. It's not comfortable. Yeah, all those guys say that. Yeah, they can't perform as well if they use one. What the hell? I mean, come on. That's ridiculous.

We all wore a frigging cup playing this and that, hockey, baseball, football. When we were kids, I never thought of it as a burden at all. I didn't wear a cup in football. Why not? Nobody did. No. Really? Mm-mm.

What? No. Never did. Oh, I did not know that. I thought everyone was wearing a cup. No. No. Not in football.

Huh, you didn't fear someone slugging you right in the water? You know, I never thought about it one time. I wasn't on the field enough for that to be concerned. Oh, I see. That was my joke, but I would say. They used to punch him in the locker room. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'd get it before the game.

I'd stand there at the doorway, and everybody would punch me in the nuts. It was kind of like Notre Dame when they tap that sign. Everybody would just punch me in the dick as they walked out of the locker room. We're teammates. I didn't know anybody who. who didn't wear a cup playing youth football? Really? Yeah, it was never a thing.

I always thought it was a rule. It's not, huh? I don't think it's a rule. But certainly at the professional level, are you out of your effing mind or something? It might be a good question for Andrew when we get him back in the fall. Because I would bet that not a lot of them do.

Oh, no, no, no. The NFL players, none of them wear cups anymore. Yeah. And that hasn't been a thing for decades now. They want as few pads as possible. I would say for probably a good 20 years. They just don't do it. Well, they just don't wear pads, period.

Right. I mean, the whole look of football players has changed so much. Oh, yeah. Like when we played because we were loaded with pads, and they were big monsters, too. They were not the little things. You see Emmett Smith wearing like those 40-pound shoulder pads that are taller than his head. It is funny watching those old videos, how different it is.

Oh, the equipment has completely changed as far as football. goes. No question about it. I never wore one in high school or college baseball either. The players in football have gotten bigger, faster, stronger, and the equipment's got smaller. Right. That's the way football has changed. I guess I never would have gone out there without something to protect my Rodney and my sorry, disgusting testicles. I never would have considered going out there without it. Brad, why did not you wear one?

Why did not you? It's like Yoda. How come you didn't wear a cup? A comfort? Yeah, I just feel like it didn't. Yeah, I mean, I tried during practice every once in a while, and it just didn't. What, do you have? Fat thighs or something?

No, I just said. I do. With the wind-up of a pitcher, it just was, it felt impeding. I don't know. That's weird. A few people are saying it's required. in high school. All right.

You got to wear a nut cup in high school? Yeah, according to baseball. For baseball. Were they specifically talking about baseball, Judge? They didn't say. They just said it's required. Does the come by and give him a tap with a bat or something to make sure? I mean, just thinking back to the worst shots in the pills I ever took just in my personal life.

You know, you're horsing around with your buddies or whatever. You fall. Something stupid at home. So much pain. So much pain. I could never imagine going out and playing hockey or football without something covering up my brajola. This text says when I played sports, no cup, no play. Hmm.

He means they didn't allow them out there? Didn't allow them out there. That's how it is with mouthguards. We get that email all the time. That's for sure, yeah. Like they won't even let you practice without a mouth guard now. Well, see, I spit out the mouth guard all the time. But I would never consider going out there without a cup playing hockey and football.

you connect the mouth guard to your face mask, I would spit the pig out all the time and let it dangle, and the referee would walk up and say, hey, you got to put your friggin' I thought the mouth guard. This might be an age generational thing, because back in the late 80s, I don't think any of that was required. We were required to wear a jock strap.

Right. That was required. Yes, I remember that. We were required to wear a cop. Yes, I remember we were, yeah, we had to wear a jock. I was far more content having damaged to my teeth over my dong. Did you ever take that mouth guard out and kind of chew on it?

Like half in your mouth, half out and kind of look kind of cool? Oh, like a Steph Curry. Yeah, like that Steph Curry does. No, because I did not need to be noticed. I was content not being noticed. This person says my son played high school baseball was a pitcher, and I can tell you the nut cup was not required. Randy Shaver made the reference to Adrian Beltray,

and if you don't know the story, he took a ground ball to the bag as a third baseman 10, 15 years ago in Major League Baseball, and one of his testicles was never found. No. It disintegrated. There was no CSI, there was no evidence left behind at all.

It just was gone. So that will continue to throw me. Why the F don't these fellas protect their bags? Barsohn Jesus said he caught for two years without a cup. All it took was one foul tip to tickle taint and I put one on. Oh yeah. I mean, I was a catcher in youth baseball. And you took quite a few skipped pitches and foul balls to the wad. You got to be crazy. That's one position. Even back when I played, all the catchers did wear a cup. Outfield, I can understand. Outfield fine.

You're asking for suicide. You're asking for suicide if you're not wear a cup on the catcher. Actually, when we were, I was growing up, they would not let you play catcher unless you you have the cup. Fair enough. Yeah. In the outfield, I get it. Infield, I don't get your line of thinking there. All right.

Five and one ain't a bad road trip record, is it? No, not at all. Twins went five and one on their six-game road adventure through Arlington, Texas, in Phoenix, Arizona. Yesterday, the boys came back from down to nothing. And they won four-two, took the series from the D-backs. Ryan Kreidler came up with three hits. Coady, Coady isn't a name. Cody Lawyersson pitched the sixth inning and picked up his first Major League victory.

Anthony Banda pitched the ninth for his second save. Trevor Larnick came up with a big RBI double in the ninth to give the boys a little bit of breathing room. And the Kreidler dude had three hits yesterday. Saturday he had four RBA. How about the Saturday game? Buck hit a Grand Slam, which is part of a 10-run inning. in Saturday night's game. Yeah.

Save some of those for the Dodgers series. Right. Saturday night, they put up 16 runs, 20 hits. Brooks Lee had four hits in Saturday night's game. As I mentioned, Criedler had four RBI. Brooks Lee fell short of the cycle. No dong. The twins had 16 hits in just the fourth and fifth inning

when they sent 24 batters to the plate. So this has just been a great stretch of games for the twins. For sure. And now the Dodgers come to town. Right. 20 games over 500 Dodgers. I said earlier, speaking of shots to the nuts, I'd love for the twins to give the Dodgers a shot to the pills in this three-game series

just to keep them honest. That'd be great to watch. Right, tonight. They start off a series, Zebby Matthews tonight. I don't know who's pitching for Los Angeles. Eric Lauer. Eric Lauer? Yeah.

He's been around. Never heard of him. He's been around a long time. It'd be really interesting to see what happens here if they continue to hang around in this thing for about another month. Because, you know, what are they going to do at the trading? It's probably not too early to talk about that. That's a month away. I mean, if they're within a game or two of the wild card or if they're in position for a wild card, what are they going to do?

Are they going to be buyers or sellers? They are right now. Yep. They're a game out of the wild card right now. Twins are looking good. Long way to go, though, before we get to the trading deadline. Kendri Rojas is back in action with the twins out of the bullpen. I believe that's where they will continue to.

Yeah. Mick Abel isn't quite ready yet. He got hurt again. Something went wrong during a bullpen session on Friday, so he's going to get looked at when the boys get home. So I imagine today he's got some kind of an appointment. I mean we'd like to see Mick Abel back in the mix. I guess he showed some promise when he was out there.

Social anxiety, Jesus, texted in this statistic for us. And yeah, I think I heard this. Yesterday I was listening to the radio broadcast of the Twins game. Josh, while I was doing some yard work. Oh, yeah. Including running my flame thrower. Sweet. How you doing with your flame thrower?

Oh, man, so good. So you finally used it? You son of a bitch. Meaning to. You mean to. You mean to do everything. Propane tank. It's too heavy.

I'm surprised your son hasn't gotten a hold of it. If I was at his age and I knew there's a flamethrower in the house, that'd be my first priority in life. No, I don't let him know. That's a great point. You're right. I was so excited I just haven't used it. My dad never had a flamethrower, but he had cans of gas and lots of matches around, and we took advantage of that. He also knows you're out of the house from, you know, what, four in the morning until close to noon.

So, you know, he might be home expecting that right now. Why aren't you using your flame throw? I don't know. I can't explain it. It's stupid. Yeah, I was out there. So I listened to the game yesterday, and I heard this statistic. And social anxiety Jesus texted it on in.

The twins are number two in the American League as far as runs scored. Oh, I will not have guessed that. I mean, my damn, this has been all right. Is tonight bring your own everything night? Does the strike start today at the park there? Yeah, it's during the Dodgers series. I don't know which game. It might be tonight.

Yeah, the target field workers are going to strike. I thought it started tonight. I had forgotten about that. It'd be kind of fun to see. So honestly, they were going to allow people to bring their own hot dogs and hamburgers and potato chips and popcorn and nachos. I thought you could always bring your own food. Yeah, you can bring your own food. Yeah.

It's not booze. Yeah, booze probably not. Oh, what about beer? Can you not get a beer tonight? Well, if the workers are on strike, guess not. Can you bring a six-pack? Good question. I don't think you're allowed to normally, but maybe they make an exception. And I know some of you are... The workers set to strike on Monday, it says. I just did a little research.

Well, you did a little research. It's about time. Finally. Takes a place of all the prep that I do before. Come on. He beat me to the flamethrower. I'll get on that this week. I hope some people get creative with their food. Like some guy just eating a lasagna in the outfield. Just bear handy in a rotisserie chicken. How about a guy bringing in a deer to clean it right there?

Six guys are walking through. They got a big party sub over their shoulder. All right. Yeah, I'd forgotten all about that. That sounds like a total nightmare. Yeah, it does. Although I'm continuing to read this story a little bit. It does say Delaware North says fans can expect a full and uninterrupted ballpark experience Monday

with concessions operating as normal. So I don't know if they're going to hire patchwork people, ununionize people for tonight or what? I think they have a lot of volunteers that do it. Oh, do they really? Yeah, that too. Yep. All right. Now, I don't have a good name.

I don't have a good Jesus name, Jesus. Texted in and said, well, the twins are also number two in most runs allowed. So, yes, we know it's not perfection over there. Far from it, but there's some encouraging, right, Josh? Or some encouraging. Sometimes he got to ignore the bad. People wouldn't have predicted that before the season. No, they would not have.

And back to a flamethrowers. I don't know why Josh a year ago. He buys a flamethrower. Hasn't used it yet. We've got the weeds for it. I miss the old Josh. I miss the gun slinging kind of a wild man, Josh. What does this say?

Listener says, when I was a kid, our flamethrower was mom's hairspray and a zippo lighter. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we definitely did that one. Man, how are we alive sometimes when I think about the dumb stuff we did? Fire. We were drawn to fire as kids. I think most are. We would go to my pal's neighborhood and we'd steal the gas out of my dad's garage

and we would pour a line of gasoline like six, eight blocks long. And then light it to watch the fire go racing through the neighborhood. I just had a conversation with my kids yesterday about how I don't think I wore a seatbelt until I was probably in my mid to late 20s. Did she have the mom belt where she stops fast? Because it wasn't required. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the mom bar. Yes.

But just never was required. Never was the law. Nobody ever wore them. I don't even think we had them in our car. If we did, I don't even remember them. here's an interesting text from you pick them up you dropped him Jesus I don't know why Nick what does this say I'll get there I don't know why Nick how can you be on the bandwagon with the twins after everything that happened last year same with Randy and Brad you guys talk a big game that you're done with the twins but you never are L o well he's laughing at it oh he got you there dude I don't know what you're drinking I never once set up I was done with the twins in any way, shape, or form. Randy and Brad can speak for themselves, but I never once set up.

I think it's okay to acknowledge the fact that they've over-performed our expectations. I mean, we can admit that. I will readily admit that that they have. I'm sorry, one more time, Brad? That they've over-performed our expectations. Yeah. That's true. It's absolutely true.

It doesn't mean, though, that they're not going to go have another fire sale at the trading deadline. Yeah, that's kind of why I brought that up. If you trade Joe Ryan and you trade Byron Buxton, who has already been very adamant about, doesn't want to be traded, if you start to do that again, obviously I think that would be a disaster for the fan. It's already a disaster. We see that in the attendance at these games because it's already last year's trading deadline of 10. players has taken this franchise from one level to near the bottom for fans. So, I mean, I agree with Brad. They have overperformed and it's fun to watch that overperformance.

But I think a lot of fans are still waiting to see what will happen with this team, ownership-wise, too, but also what they will do at the trading deadline. they will they be a buyer, which I doubt very much, but will they be a buyer? It's possible. I suppose anything is possible, I suppose. You've always said, Nick, that the owners of the team are your bro lads. They're friends of mine. Yeah.

They're your pals. What can I say? You've never said anything negative. Hey, look, you picked them up, you dropped him, Jesus. Were we all disgusted by what happened last season? Yeah. It was ridiculous. It was awful.

And yes, I'm sure we expressed all of that on this radio show. I never once said I was done with the Twins. I'm a baseball fan. I'm going to watch this frigging club no matter what. Call me a sucker. Call me what you want. But I'm never going to give up on the team because I enjoy watching Minnesota Twins baseball. If that makes me a sheeple or whatever, I don't care.

But you're wrong. If you're going to say that I proclaimed I'm done, you're wrong. And as Dana just added, LOL. I'm laughing at you. It's okay to acknowledge that they have played better than we thought. And it's also... By the way, I told you some bitches it wouldn't be so bad, by the way. Do you remember that, Josh?

Yeah, you can also say that they shouldn't have done what they did at the trade deadline last year because look at what the team could have been if they had kept some of those bullpen guys this year. I mean, you can say both things. It's bad. It's bad. The twins are not a great baseball team and they're poorly managed by the bosses, but I'm still going to watch. Get over it.

I would also say this. If the American League wasn't as bad overall as it is right now, we probably would have a little bit of a different feeling about this. You know, there's only two wildcard teams that have a winning record right now. Everybody else has a losing record at this point in the season in the American League. So, you know, if the Guardians were running away with this thing and the twins were 15 games back at the All-Star break, I think he'd all feel a lot different than... I wouldn't feel different.

I'm kidding. I mean, but you would be, you would, we would not be as, I guess, I'm positive. Optimism maybe isn't the best word, but yeah, I mean, I think there's, I think one of the reasons why people are hanging with the twins at this point is that everybody else around them has been pretty bad too. Sure. And that means that they've got a chance to possibly contend for a postseason. That could be the time.

motivation for some people. Personally speaking, even if Cleveland or Detroit or anyone else, if Kansas City, even if they hadn't lost a game this year, any of those teams. As long as the twins are hovering around 500, I'm okay. Anything possible! I'm just happy to see him hovering around 500. By the way, Josh, when I was talking about the neighborhood fires we used to light when we were kids, a listener asked me a question. I bet you know what the question is. Did they ask if the fire looked at you? He wants to know if the fire looked at me. I don't think your heart can take that right now. No, the fire did not look at me

because fire does not look at people. I know what you learned from that frigging movie, Donald Sutherland's worst character ever. No, the fire did not look at me, it didn't talk to me, it didn't try to contact me at all. Because it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. All right, back to baseball.

You know, that sport that you suckers still follow despite what you said last year. A 17-year-old. A 17-year-old kid, a prize. Back for the Los Angeles Angels, he went ahead and stole eight bases in a single baseball game. Dang. And word is, that's the highest single game total in all of recorded history. Juan Cespettis playing in the Dominican Summer League.

He's property of the Angels, like I said. Five foot 10 shortstop, he bats lefty. It sounds like the kid could hit, too. He's batting 395. I know the Dominican Summer League isn't the greatest thing that's ever. but he stole eight bases and one baseball game. It's awesome. Speedy.

That means he has to get on base in order to do that. That's pretty impressive. I'll tell you right now, Randy Shaver, I'm with you. That is impre-by-god sieve. Saturday night, Bryce Harper of the Philadelphia Phillies hit his first career cycle on the same night that his teammate, Kyle Schwabr, hit three Rodney's. one guy hits the cycle, the other guy hits three dongs in the same ball game.

Matter of fact, Schwerber hit two home runs in one inning without wearing a cup. No, they don't wear them. It all comes back to the cup. Don't want one. And our boy, Byron Buxton, is third in the major leagues in home runs. He's five behind Schwerber and one behind Alvarez. Swarber's got 29 home runs and 52 RBI.

That's almost statistically impossible. Almost statistically impossible? Well, almost because he's got 29 home runs, but he's only got 52 RBI. So basically the only time he's driving in a run is when he hit the home run. I think he's a lead-off guy, though, too. I think he hit second, yeah.

Oh, is he hitting second now? Yeah, I think, yeah, I think he hit second. But, yeah, it's just a strange statistic. Normally, again, back in the day, in the day thing, but if a guy hit 30 home run and so he was guaranteed to have about 120 RBIs. Yeah, you're right. You're right, Brad Ryder.

Damn right. All right. So the Florida Panthers are trading for Ottawa Senator's Captain Brady Kachuk where then Brady will play with his brother, Matthew. The Kichuk brothers are going to be

on the same club next season. Now, Ottawa's getting a pile in return for Brady. The draft choices, right? Yeah. Matter of fact, the NHL draft is Friday. Make sure I'm aware of that. Oh, it's this Friday?

That's what it says. Okay. NBA is Tuesday, Wednesday, so it's a busy week. Oh, God, I forgot the NBA stretches out to two nights now. It's so unnecessary. For two rounds. The NBA draft is tomorrow. Okay.

Who's watching the second round? Parents. Yeah. It's the parents of the players. Well, more people now after everybody realized that Jaylon Brunson got taken in the second round. Jalen Brunson, huh? All right, well, that's one out of thousands of second round picks.

Yeah. Here's the deal. Yolkich was a second round pick. That's two out of thousands of second round picks. I'm sure there are plenty. We could do that all day. Look it up, actually. Look up second round picks who have made it big in the NBA.

I bet it's way more than you would imagine. Guys who have made it big. Okay, back to hockey real quick. So Ottawa was getting a pie. in return for Brady Kachuk. The number nine choice this year, the number 25 selection this year, as well as this and a lot in return to Ottawa. This I found really interesting about Brady Kachuk. So after, it says here, after Brady Kachuk returned from the Olympics where Team USA won the whole smear, right, against Canada.

Brady is going on every television show along. with his teammates talking about America, won the gold medal, first time since 1980, yay, up and down. The one kid had no teeth, this, that, you know the whole story because we were touching ourselves over it for weeks. It became tricky, it says here, for the Senators

organization to handle, especially given that Ottawa is Canada's capital city. So he was just too damn American for them is what it sounds like to me. He was too damn American. They struggled with that in the Senators' organization to have their top player going

around waving the American flag for weeks on end after that Olympic victory. That strikes me as odd. Back to the All-Stars, I looked it up quick. It says about 2% of Seckeron picks have gone on to become All-Stars. They say you can expect a second-around pick to become an All-Star every two to three

years. Do you have any big names there? Yolkich, Drayman Green. Oh, God. Mark Casol. Who? Mark Casol. Mark Casol. Yes, sorry. You turned it into one name. Yeah, I kind of just blended that together. Go ahead. Oh, your favorite, Gilbert Arenas.

Oh, he was awesome. A great person. No temper whatsoever. Dennis Rodman's on that list. Rodmental. Oh, yeah. He's a character. Well, there you go. Yeah, I mean, some names have come out. Yeah. Brady Kachuk was too American for the Ottawa

senators. He was creating a problem then. Now, apparently the pigs made a fat ass offer to the Ottawa senators for Brady Kachuk. That's what I read. But he and the senators

said no. That's because Brady Kachuk knew the truth, which is you go to Florida and you get the money. They made an offer to him, but he wanted to go down and get some of that flesh down at FLA. Yeah, there's a little bit of that. Played with his brother. And there's no state taxes down in Florida either.

Oh, yeah. That's right, the taxing. You hear that too. That's a big deal, big deal. It is more so than people realize. Oh, no, no, I'm not talking about the taxes. I wouldn't know word one about that. I'm talking about it. I'll go along with it, Brad.

I know nothing about it. I was saying Brady Kachuk going to play for the Florida Panthers is a big deal. That is a big trade. Yeah. You know, Ottawa was kind of up and coming. If your brother played somewhere, would that keep you out of that city, or would you ever want to play with your brother? Today?

Today. I'd go play on the same. same club as my brother. When we were kids, I wanted nothing to do with them. Imagine the fights if you guys played against each other. Oh, there's a hockey football. Wait, they're wearing the same jersey. What's going on? You got to remember, Josh. I tried to kill him when we were 12. I know. The one time you were ever inaccurate with a toss was the perfect time to screw that up. If he would have rounded the corner of that open garage door, half a second earlier,

I would have grown up with just my sister. Probably would have grown up in juvie Yeah I suppose But I'd be out by now Yeah Oh easily yeah If you don't remember the story And my brother and I were fighting out in the driveway

And I decided I'm gonna kill him So he went into the garage The garage door was open And I for whatever reason I don't know if my dad Mined for gold in the 40s or something But there was a pickax on our property And I threw it as hard as I could

And it went Through the air And a half second later my brother rounded the corner just as the pickax flew past him. You see what I'm saying? He'd come around. I would hit him right in the aorta and he would have bled out and I would have led him much happier

life. I remember you saying there was a time where you were very disappointed he didn't kill him. Not like a what if I done? Jeez, I could have killed him but it was more just a disappointment. The axe throw that got away. I said that's it. I'm just going to throw this pickax and see what comes of it.

What was the worst thing he ever did to you? Did he ever almost kill you? Well, he knocked me out a couple of times. Knock me out twice. And you probably didn't deserve it. No, I didn't. But were you wearing a cup? I'm really honest.

No, I wasn't wearing a cup. We were at a keg party. I needed to make that thing accessible, Brad Ryder. I know you probably want to joke around about how I deserved it. I didn't. Both times I got knocked out cold. You like to provoke. You weren't provoking a minute?

Absolutely not. I live with the effing guy. Back to hockey, Jonathan Taze is all done, but you don't care. You don't care that Jonathan Taze is done, do you? Not really. I'm not going to take any time out of my day to think about it. I'm not going to light a candle or anything. Well, then, forget it.

I prepared to throw this story away because I knew you wouldn't care. Josh, do you want to hear more about Jonathan? Yeah, why not? Never wore a cup. killed his twin brother when he was 12. He did. No, I mean, he had a great career. I mean, the club that he played for years ago, that Chicago club, I mean, I hate to admit it, but they were a frigging dynasty.

They won three titles, 20 and 10, 13, 50. You know, we playing with Patty Cakes and what was that, defenseman number seven, Brent, Seabrook and the goalie and the other guys. They were a dynasty. Taze had a great career, 16 years. Speaking of, you know, Olympic hockey. He won a couple of gold medals with Canada. For Pete's sake, he closed out with over 1,140-some. Pardon me, 912 points in 1,140-some games.

He had a great career. All right, Dana, pull your head out of your ass now. And tell us, what's next for that United States soccer club? They next play on Thursday against Turkey in a match that means absolutely nothing. How does it mean nothing? They won their first two games, and they were able to close. clinch the group. Does it mean anything for seating for the final 32 or not?

Nope. It means absolutely nothing. So we can rest our guys. Christian Pulisic, arguably our best player is kind of nurse and injury. We don't need to risk running him out there. Christian Pulisic? So you get, there's no benefit whatsoever. Doesn't matter.

We can lose nine nothing and nothing changes. Have eight beers tonight and try to say Christian Pulistic. How did I say it? Pulisic. Christian Purec. Ulyssic. Try that drunk. Oh, I've yelled his name drunk many times when he scored goals. Just the kid from Hershey, Pennsylvania.

Yeah. All right. What did you say now? They play Thursday against the Turks. Yep. 9 o'clock against Turkey in a game that, like I said, means nothing. We're on to the round of 32. This is the first time the U.S. has ever clinched after just two games.

What does it mean for Turkey if they win? What does it mean for Turkey? It means a lot more to Turkey. They still have a chance at advancing. Remember that episode of the family feud where, the first three questions in the final round and the dude answered turkey? No. You've got to look that up. I've seen that.

Yeah, look that up, Josh. I bet you can find that real easy. The guy's like, name an animal that doesn't fly. And he says, turkey. Name a food that you bring to the beach. Turkey. It's real easy. I'm sure you'll find. Okay, the United States soccer club. I got a question for you. This will shock you that I want, you know,

to continue the conversation. but do the women not play? They do, but it's in different years. Oh! Like they go every two years, like the women play in two years. It's like a two year. They do it every four years, but the women do it in two years, right? Yeah, the women do it in odd-numbered years, though.

So I think the next one is 27. I think it's next summer. All right. And we, I mean, the U.S. men are in the best position they've ever been in, but the women routinely win it. Oh, they do. Oh, yeah, they've won it to four times. So this is the best that the dudes have done in years.

Best start in World Cup history. But what about that year when they had that red-haired guy and everyone was touching themselves over that? Alexi Lawless in 1994. Are you talking? Must be. Yeah. Yeah, that was the last time we hosted the World Cup

and they got out of their group. They upset Columbia. And, yeah, they were, I mean, they were nothing. They were a bunch of rag-tag guys back then. Oh, they were a rag-tag bunch? Rag-tag bunch. I love that. So I think I found it, but it says it's a UK version.

Oh, close enough. But does that sound right to you? Yeah. Okay. I just wanted to know if this was a cry. It says UK Family Fortunes. Oh. The Turkey episode.

Yeah, letter box. Name something people take with them to the beach. Turkey? The first thing you buy in a supermarket. Turkey. Food often stuffed. Turkey. I can see why.

They set him up. Yeah, they did. That's part of that show, right? Hey, everyone can relax. Elmo has made... Tickle me, Elmo? He's made it clear that he is rooting for Team USA at the World Cup. We can't handle Elmo getting any more strays.

He got a lot of hell because he wouldn't pick a favorite in the NBA final final. He got a lot of hell from some of his most dedicated fans. There were New Yorkers running around the street. threatening to kill Elmo because he wouldn't pick. He's made it clear he's rooting for Team USA here at the World Cup. Just to be clear, Elmo wants Team USA to win, okay? But Elmo loves everybody. Just to be clear.

Don't make this a thing. Thank you. It would be funny if you completely win Rogue and said he was cheering for Mexico. Elmo said, don't make this a thing. Don't make it a thing. Everybody makes what he says a thing. I know. God, he does get a lot of crap.

He's got a lot on his plate. It's tough being Elmo. He can't do anything right. What the hell is this? Marshawn Lynch is running around working as a photographer at the World Cup soccer tournament. Marshawn Lynch, the old football player? Yeah, I saw that. Boy, he's all over the place.

Is this what he does on the side like Ken Griffey Jr. and the big eunuch? Well, he does like a lot of TV and TV stuff. He's in movies now. It's kind of like a comedy act. I've heard that he's in the photography, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

He does that officially. Marshawn Lynch, I'll tell you what. He was pretty good at run that football around. Yeah. Well, since you let Dana talk about soccer, can I talk about the U.S. Open? That nobody went to, apparently. Randy Shaver, I love you, but I'm going to say no. Well, people are asking.

We got some tack saying, what's going on? I'm going to go ahead and say no. So Mar Sean Lynch is a great golfer. Go ahead, Randy, of course. No, that's fine. No, that's fine. You go, lady. No, that's fine.

I know Brad. I know Brad watched it, so. Randy, go ahead. Please. If Scotty Schaeffler could have made a stupid putt yesterday, it might have been a different outcome. Only three players under par. The course was brutal.

The greens were brutal. It was a really, really tough weekend for. which is kind of fun to watch because, you know, normally these guys are so good that it just looks easy. Okay. You know it's not. But, man, it was a brutal. Well, who won the pig?

Wyndham Clark won again. He won it in 20, one in 20, 23, and he won again this year. Boy, of all the towns of Minnesota to get named after. No. It's right. This guy's name is Windham. Yes. Just sounds like he went to prep school.

there were four or five times during the round yesterday you thought that he was collapsing and he was done and then and then all of a sudden he would come back and make a long par saving putter make a birdie and get up by two again but there were a few times yesterday you thought he was completely done and he was going to collapse and didn't happen he had a six-shot lead starting the day ended up winning by a stroke and you know that was kind of the margin pretty much the back nine at least. I mean, it was close. And, you know, just some guys just couldn't make certain

shots that would have maybe had a playoff, could have forced a playoff, but didn't happen. It was fun. It was fun to watch. Again, a very difficult golf course. Okay, I made a joke that said Wyndham Clark just sounds like he went to

prep school. Yeah, see, I think of Wyndham when I hear Wyndham Clark. You think of prep school. Yeah, and looked it up. He grew up on a country club. He did? Yeah. Nick, it sounds like if you were to follow golf, Wyndham Clark would have been a guy that you probably would have liked because he's had some controversy in the past because he's got quite a temper.

He actually went in, apparently, and destroyed a clubhouse after a tournament last year and got on a lot of people's bad sides and things like that. And so the New York crowd, part of the understory in this thing, was that the New York crowd really wasn't cheering for him. Oh, not at all. They were cheering for other players. And so when he would do things wrong yesterday,

you'd almost hear kind of like that, you know, no pun intended, but that, you know, Bronx cheer, that New York cheer people didn't want him to win that were in attendance yesterday. In fact, there were some that were tossed out of the event because of the things that they were saying. He also was paired with Schaeffler, who if Schaeffler would have won yesterday, would have won the career grand slam. So everybody was hoping that, that Sheffler, they were really cheering for Sheffler. Yeah. The people in attendance were clearly.

clearly cheering for Shuffler and not cheering for Wyndham Clark. So you probably would have liked Wyndham Clark, Nick. You like people like that. Well, I just can't shake the first name because I've spent some time down in Wyndham. I've had some great... Not still the same, obviously, but yes.

I've had some great times down in Wyndham, but also a town always kind of scared me. It's different down there. Let me give you an example. One night, being Big Al were in Wyndham, and Al walked into the bar without a shirt on, and they didn't say a word. served him beer all night long he did not have a shirt on his body at all they were more

questioning why you were wearing a shirt probably didn't say a word to big out he said i'll take an old milwaukee look at that city flicker wearing a shirt yeah who's that guy think he is so fancy this is cute one more little note on this uh soccer tournament uh the world cup television coverage. Whoever's putting this on television, they're getting criticized. I'll get there. I wrote something down and now I can't read it. World Cup television coverage is getting criticized. Well, they're not sharing highlights. They're not sharing highlights with any other network. That's not it. That's not it. Okay. No. They used some kind of cute TV trick the other day.

There you got the hosts of the show sitting talking about soft. and everyone's wishing they were somewhere else. And they used some kind of TV trick. They added mountains to the background of a video of Houston, Texas. And there are no mountains in Houston, Texas. It's as flat as a pancake. Who cares? Why would they do that?

Yeah, it's weird. There's no answer as to why they did that. They're showing all these rolling foothills and mountains, and there is none of that in Houston. so people were teeing off on them on social media. One dude texted in and said, well, how good is the skiing in Houston, Texas? Another guy claimed to have torn his ACL skiing on that mountain back in the summer of...

Just really strange. Yeah, this is odd. What producer was like, oh, we got to make this... We've got to make Houston look nicer. Okay. A couple days in a row, I received text messages asking, why don't we cover Ice Cube's Big Three Basketball League? And this listener calls it the most competitive basketball league ever.

And I told this guy, okay, we'll talk about it. Has anyone else, I have yet to watch this deal. I wouldn't even know how to dial it up. I see it once in a while on my television. You do? I come across it on my television guide, but I've never punched in. Now, yesterday, day before. there was a massive fist fight amongst big three players.

See, a lot of old pros go there to die. So I guess the other night, Michael Beasley, former Timberwolf, Dwight Stevenson, also a former Timberwolf, and Dwight Howard, I guess, got into kind of a half-ass fist fight. So to this listener, I'll give it a shot. I will. Now that you've brought it up, I'll give it a shot. This listener really enjoys it.

I like basketball. So my promise to you is I'll give it a shot and I'll get back to you. Anything that shows, anything that features Michael Beasley, I'm in. That guy is like an entity. What do they call, that's not the right word. What did they call Jeff Hardy? An enigma? Yeah, an enigma.

Michael Beasley, to me, is kind of an enigma. Very interesting, dude. Yeah. I love that when he left the Timberwolves, he didn't want to deal with all of his stuff, so he just had an estate sale. He didn't move anything with them. I understand that.

Yeah, true pimp. And finally, so Randy and Brad, you've got nothing to say about ice cubes, big three. I haven't seen it, so it's kind of hard to get on it. Fair enough,

yeah, yeah, if you haven't seen it. And, you know, we had last Friday off, so I completely tuned the world out for a couple three days in a row. So you guys tell me, were there any sort of,

survivors at the new, we should have maybe brought this up when we were talking about Elmo, but I forgot. Did anyone survive the New York Knickerbockers NBA Finals parade? I didn't see too many negative headlines about it. It seemed like people are behaving themselves for the most part. I'm sure that you always got your drunks and stuff, but. I think the last I saw is there's only 60 some arrests and maybe that changed. That's pretty damn good. So it turned out all right. Compared to when you, when you consider one, two million people, whatever, 60 people got arrested. That means people, overall must have behaved themselves.

I haven't looked it up again so that number could have changed, but they got way more folks than they thought they were going to show up. But I saw I think it was 63 arrests. Well, that's good. Okay, that's good. Did you watch any of the coverage, everybody? Just read about it. Just some highlights on social. I forgot. And again, this all comes back to

Tickle Me Elmo. I understand Jalen Brunson was in his convertible, waving to the crowd, and he had a Tickle Me Elmo doll in his lap and a sign that said, please forgive me. It's kind of funny. I miss that. That's good. That is kind of cute right there.

All right, you bastards. If you need one more reason to watch the Big Three League, I just punch that up here. You know who the coach of the Chicago triplets is? Give me it. Let us have it. Dr. Jay. Oh, my God. Oh, cool.

Julius Irving's the head coach of one of the ball clubs. Well, that's a draw for me, too, when I was a little kid. I love Dr. Jay. Yeah. But he wasn't my favorite 76er. Was he, Randy Shaver? I can't say the name.

Bobby Jones, baby. You say it again. Bobby Jones. I can't talk about Bobby Jones. Greatest defensive player of the NBA. I think he was the perfect basketball player. Yep. You see, now I'm stuck. I can't say anything else.

You bring up Bobby Jones. I'm done. You ever see Bobby Jones, Josh? Yeah. Oh, my God. You've showed me some videos. Oh, my God. All right.

Thank you, Brad, and thank you, Randy. You bet. We will talk to you, boys, soon enough. We've got to take a little break, and then we'll come back in a few minutes on the half-fast morning show. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh.

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Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. suffer call bialke law today 763 571 2410 or go to bealkylaw.com that's b i a lk-ke e law dot com and it spells relief for you one night with steiny one night with stony shout out colson nilk this is just about me being myself going to be chaotic i can't guarantee anything all i can guarantee is that you're going to be entertained how can i join ovio um you can keep dming drake or keep by the way i like i do you know that i do that i know you dm drake all the time

I know you know that. You paid me $3,000 on Venmo one time to text him for you. One night with Stiney. One night with Stine, baby. Let's go. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. Oh, man.

93X. Yes, brought to you by Hogbauer's Automotive, located at 3rd Avenue in Main Street. It's the Monday model of the 93X Half-Ass Morning Show. Ashley is out today. It's just us, Dodes. Dodes. And you are a terrific. spirited crowd out there.

By damn, you are. Although I have to say a few of our listeners have texted in this morning, Josh, quite disappointed. In what? They've texted in to our Luther-Bloy-Lewington-Kia text line 651-9-893-93. We're here for your complaints. They're continuously disappointed by the fact that you have yet to use your flamethrower. I know. I know I'm letting people down.

You know, I'm letting myself down, too. What'd you buy it for if you're not going to use it? I planned on using it. I just haven't used it yet. Although whenever we do talk about the flamethrower, I am also an owner. I inspired Josh to buy his and then the sum bitch won't use it. I'm a flamethrower owner. We used it just a couple of days ago.

Whenever we do talk about it, we do get a text or two like this here. One of our listeners says, have the hose nearby. Yeah. She says, her husband used his flamethrower and he went ahead and started their pine tree on fire. Oh, no. I do have a fear of that. So the weeds you're burning up. Yeah.

Any of them in mulch? Yes. Okay, because I have a lot of, most of those are kind of coming out of the mulch, right? So that makes me a little nervous. Just be careful. And stick around. Don't flame throw your yard and then up and go to a sandwich shop. You stick around for a while and keep an eye on that backyard.

I'd say about an hour after you throw flames. Yes. I have burned up some weeds that were surrounded by a lot of other yard waste. What about it? And it does make you feel a little iffy. Can I use it on grass? I've got some grass growing where I don't want it. Yeah, I use it on grass.

All right. I also used it on an old pair of tennis shoes accidentally a few days ago. While you were wearing them? Talk about a hot foot, mister. Oh, man. So be careful. Here's a feller who texted in and said I had my yard completely redone. I put down a bunch of those.

hay blankets with seed and them. And I was using my flamethrower to burn the weeds. And I lit my whole yard on fire. Oh, God, I bet that looked cool, but that's got to suck. Josh, the way you talk about your house and it was kind of a lemon, all of the projects you've had to have done. There's some evidence there, yeah. Maybe there could just be a happy accident when you're out there with your flamethrower. It's not like I haven't thought of that.

I think the fire investigators are too good. Yeah, I suppose I blew it by talking about it on the air. They can easily go back and find this audio. Unless they think, well, he'd be too dumb to do it because they brought it up on the radio. There you go. What the hell does this mean? Not Slim, Kind of Shady Jesus says he's more of a... Did you read this?

No, no, I like the name. Yeah, the name is clever. Oh, I'm sorry. I've seen text from him, but I just really enjoy it. Sometimes I blow through the Jesus and She's his names without thinking about them. Not Slim, Kind of Shady Jesus. He says he's more of a shade. No, no, no.

And now another text messages come in. What do you mean? Have the hose nearby? That's the first thing I thought of. Not H-O-E-S. No, no, no. Love them ho. H-O-S-E.

Have the babes come over to chuck out the flamethrower? The garden hose. We're not talking about howls. We're talking about the hose. I'm pretty excited because I finally bought an edger, so I'm going to have clean lines on that baby. That's very satisfying, Josh. I'm sorry, what happened?

I got an edger for the lawn. An edger. So I'll have clean lines at the end there. I'm not sure what an edger is. Kind of just cuts the end of the lawn, the lawn, so it's not like a, like giving it a haircut, kind of off the sides, like where it meets the curb or the driveway. Oh, you can't just use a weed whip for the same task? I have one. I try to it.

I don't have a powerful enough weed whip. Okay, an edger. It's kind of a wimpy one. A lot of this is sexual innuendo, is it not? Yeah. Trust me, I definitely had that thought. Poo-Poo's and Pee's Jesus says every time he's on the mic, he throws flames. Red Bull Jesus.

Oh, yeah, go ahead. He's offered to be your edger. Yes, I just wanted to thank him for that. Okay, so our Independence Day booze crews coming up July 10th. She's sold smooth out. Sorry. That's great. Thank you.

I mean, it's a wonderful thing and it's a bad thing. We'd love, of course, to have every last one of you bastards join us. but we can only get our hands on so big a boat. And we do have another one coming up in the fall. We do. If you missed this one, you can join that one. Thank you, like Josh was saying, it's wonderful. Thank you for buying your tickets to our Independence Day boat party.

Post-independence Day boat party. I guess maybe we should start calling it. Oh, yeah. It's the first year we've done that. Whatever. We pushed it back a week. I'm sure we can all gain, we can all gather up our patriotism a week later and have just as much fun.

It's year round, baby. Right. If we can conjure that up six days after Independence Day, we can. So if you missed out, sorry, but Josh mentioned, we have another one coming up in the fall. One of the little side stories, side gimmicks to our Independence Day boat party will be the Attitude Shirt Showdown, where we're inviting anyone who's got a ticket to show up wearing your best, funniest, most outrageous attitude shirt. Again, keep in mind, good taste.

We don't need anyone getting in fist fight. Save your political crap. Use that t-shirt for a different party. We don't want your angry political friggin' t-shirts on our boat. It's a party. So back to that idea. Which originally I was not excited about it. Now I'm on...

I'm in a tizzy in anticipation of seeing some of these attitude shirts. Me too. I can't wait. Right. So much. so that I bought you guys shirts. By the way, you don't feel you have to wear, but I just couldn't help it. I bought myself one and you guys' shirts as well. Josh already showed me the attitude shirt that he bought for me.

He's going to get a smaller size because this some bitch is like a tarp. Yeah, I don't know why it's so big. It doesn't make sense. You know, different T-shirt companies have a different idea as to what Excel means. Anyway, I won't spoil it because he's getting me a smaller version that I can wear to the party. But yeah, Josh is buying everyone an attitude t-shirt. I'm sure if you know Josh, you're not surprised by that. So.

Do you want to hear mine? Yes. So it has a hot dog on it. Okay. And it says it's not the 4th of July until my weiner comes out. And then I have a hat, it's red, white and blue hat that has a firecracker on it. And it says, just here to bang. Because that's what I like to do.

You do. You're going. Let me bang, bro. With the shirt and the ball cap. And the hat, yeah. Okay. Doubling up. I like it.

You're going to look at. adorable. The other day I'm looking at the godless, soulless and wildly misinformed internet. And I saw a still photograph of a guy who wore an attitude shirt to the Price is Right television program. Still on the air, the price is right. Absolutely. I told you guys that I have a 24-hour. I don't know what the hell is going on with the television package that I bought. but I have a 24-hour Saturday Night Live channel, which shows everything from the 70s up till a year ago, Saturday Night Live, everything all the time.

I also have a 24-hour Price's Right channel. Really, it's all it plays is the one show. All it plays. It's all Bob Barker. Yeah, not the game show network. Nope, nope. It's all Bob Barker, and you can turn on the television, and it's 1974, you can turn on the television,

and it might be like his final year as host of the show, which I don't know when that was. but what I've learned is that Bob Barker was a dick and not very good at his job. I loved Bob Barker. Josh, now that I've watched, did we cover this already? Yeah, you mentioned it. He kind of sucked at it. I have to rewatch it.

He was sloppy. I know he kind of got in bad moods. He seemed moody sometimes. He was moody. And again, I'm brand, if you're a lifelong Price is Right fan and you worship Bob Barker, I apologize. This is just the way I see it. And I'm brand new.

I never watched the Price is Right. Never. But now that I've got this channel, I've started to... The guy just wasn't very good, and he was kind of a prick. Anyway, so, saw a picture of a dude who went to a Price's Right television taping, and he had himself front row seats, right behind whatever they call it, where everyone... Contestants Row.

Oh, there you go, thank you. Right behind contestants row. So he knew the cameras were going to catch him at every turn while people are making their bids on these dopey items. And he's wearing an attitude shirt, Josh, and the... The shirt said, two in the plinko, one in the stinko. Are you serious? So this is a more recent one, right? Must be.

Yeah, Drew Carey. Is it still Drew Carey? I don't know. Still Drew. I don't know who was hoping. It must be after death, after Barker's death, because there probably wasn't such a thing as an attitude shirt when he was still working on the. They made him put duct tape over the wording. If he was going to stay in that front row seat where the cameras were.

going to catch him at all times. They made him to, but he did get away with it for a while. Well, part of the taping, you can clearly see that his t-shirt says, that is good. Two in the Plinko, one in the Stinko. And then the other half of the show, he's got duct tape over the... Oh, that's good. I want the shirt, but I wouldn't have the courage to wear it. You're not going to wear that to Lowe's this afternoon?

That's so funny. That is so dumb. I love Plinko, by the way. Love that game. Oh, yeah, it's always exciting to play Plinko. Oh, God. I was at Apple Ford and Apple Valley, and they had a giant two-story plinkgo board. Oh, cool.

People were winning big bucks. Again, I'm brand new to the prices right, now having this 24-hour channel. And when I am bored, I do. I watch it quite often. Just because I kind of like the nostalgia of it all, you see the people running around. I mean, the 70s and 80s were such happy times, really, in my opinion. So you see these people from the 70s and 80s. I mean, and then you look at us now and you wonder, my God, what have we become?

So that's part of it. It's kind of a feel-good thing to see back when people were happy and not hating each other up and down. Where was I going with this? I don't really blame Bob Barker sometimes for his poor performance because some of the friggin' contests they had on that show were so complicated, in my opinion, and I'm not great with numbers. But Bob would have to go through this seven-minute explanation as to how the game is played. And you can tell him he's frustrated with it.

Like Jesus, Paul, we can't get a simpler version of the... So anyway, I just... God rest his soul and everything, but... When I watch now, I wonder, why was this man so worshipped? I'm going to have to re-watch it, because I thought he was great. I think it was in his later years, as he got older, he kind of became more endearing. But when he was young in the 70s and 80s, he's kind of a dick to people. Okay, maybe that was it.

As he became older, people... Oh, here's a question from a listener. Do you think that Barker was sober? Good question? Yeah, who knows? Some of those game shows had a, the host had a reputation back in the day. Well, match game, if you watch the old match game episodes like Richard Dawson, yeah, they were hammered. Everybody was drunk, including Gene Rayburn, the host, absolutely loaded.

I love those old. When I catch those old match games, they're hilarious. They're so much fun. What did you say, John? Hollywood Squares, it seemed like those got in the earlier versions were kind of hammered. Richard Dawson obviously loved a few, he obviously loved a few cocktails before he went on air with the family feud. was Barker, he didn't, he didn't seem addled at all by alcohol.

I don't remember him slurring. We're getting tax on Pat Sejack, kind of being in a bad mood. I've seen that too where you can tell he's just like, why do they put these dopes on here? He was mailing it in for years. That's why I was surprised when people were like, oh no, Pat Sejack has stepping down.

It's like, who cares? He did kind of seem like he hated his job. Yeah, and now they got Ryan Seacrested, and the show's a million times about it. better because it's like he tell that Seacris enjoys being there. Well, I'll tell you back to the Price is Right. I loved that

cliffhangers, the Yodel game. Oh, that was a fun one. That and Plinko. Those were fun to watch. A lot of them were not that enjoyable. Very difficult. A lot of arithmetic involved that's not my game. Here's a listener who is judging me, which is fine. We all do it. This

listener is judging me by all the weird channels I have. And when I'm not watching these weird channels, I'm watching the twins. You're being judged. I get it. So I just Googled as Bob was Bob Barker have a drinking problem and says, no, he's a famous, he's lifelong sober, never touch alcohol at all.

What do they say, T-Totler? Yep. T-toddler, which is a correct. T-toddler. There it is. Yeah, see, I'm glad you said that because that's the word they use, but I did not going to even try to pronounce that. Dry as a bone, huh?

That's what they say. Now I want you to try and pronounce it. T-toteler. There you go. And he said it adorably. Never touch this stuff, huh? I don't know how the hell you get through life without... Especially that job.

Because they're filming, you know, seven, eight episodes a day. Well, was he a cocaine guy? I'll keep you up. I'll do cocaine, but I draw the line at a beer. I know people that feel that way. Maybe not cocaine, well, they'll do harder stuff and they don't touch beer for whatever reason. That is funny. Here's a listener who texted in and say that his cousin went on the price is right.

Okay, this is just one person's opinion, but this listener's cousin, a lady, said that Bob was kind of flirty off air. He had a reputation. Okay. But this listener's cousin went on the show and won a car. Nice. Won a car. An ex-girlfriend, she nannied for a family where the mom won the whole Shabye. bang on the price is right.

Showcase showdown. Boy, I used to dream. Watching those showcase showdowns? You went a boat. You win a vacation. You went a motorhome. Some of it was odd, though. A furniture set.

Yeah, some of them suck. Oh, great. Furniture. And you could always tell when somebody got the showcase presented to them that they were not interested in any of the items that were given. Right. Oh, God, I just had a thought and I lost it. Oh, then I lost it again.

Oh, yes, I got it. The other night I was watching again, someone's going to throw me in an asylum soon enough because when there's nothing else on television, if there's no ball game on, I will watch this goofy 24-hour Price is Right channel. The other night I was watching, it was like 1976 episode, and Barker does his famous thing.

Okay, Missy, here's what you can win next. and the curtain opens, and there's a picture of some mountains, and Johnny, is that the guy who was always on the mic, Johnny? I can't remember. Johnny goes, a trip to Calgary. And the crowd kind of went. Oh, all right. I'm from Calgary.

I've seen that happen before, too, when they say, you know, like, it's a trip to Hawaii. And the person's like, yeah, I'm here visiting from Hawaii, actually. Well, I mean, just what struck me is usually it's Hawaii, London, Paris, Some place, you know, like dream vacations. That was good. The curtain opens. A trip to Calgary. It's a slow month here. Neck like a stack of dimes, arms-like buggy whips, Jesus said, wasn't it true if you couldn't afford the taxes on cars, you couldn't take it?

I've heard that before. Yeah, you'd have to pay taxes on these huge prizes, and sometimes people would just take whatever cash was left. I found broke as a joke. I went to the Price's Right Show. I sat down. They get me on stage. I win a car.

If I couldn't afford the taxes on that car, I just went home empty-handed. I know in the past there's been radio station promotions are kind of like that. Like, hey, congratulations. You won this awesome prize. We just need you to fork over a couple of thousand bucks. F me running sideways. The 93X half-ass morning show. I didn't see that coming at all.

It scared me, too. I didn't see that coming at all. Neither one of us had our headphones on. We had already gotten mostly undressed. I poked myself in the eye trying to get my headphones on. That was the fastest I've ever seen anyone put on their headphones. Yeah, I took a little damage. Boom, boom.

Where are you? Did you stab yourself in the eye? You're the one in the middle? Which finger? Which finger? Pinky. And I went like this. Oh, you might have given yourself poop finger.

You think so? Right in the eye. We got to wrap it up. We were talking about the Price is Right game show. I got it started. It's my fault. I was talking about this wacky 24-hour Price's Right channel that I have on my television. And I'll admit, I'm kind of hooked.

on it. We were talking about the Price is Right. Here's a listener who texted in and said, I vaguely remember an old episode of The Price is Right where a guest in a wheelchair won a treadmill. So I looked that up and apparently it's true. That really happened? Yeah, she lost her feet in an accident. Oh my God! And she's a comedian. I almost said stand-up comedian. She lost her feet. Yeah, in some sort of accident. That's the worst thing I've heard all day. And so apparently, you know, she bit on something else and then ended up winning a treadmill as well. God, help us all. You know the producers are like, okay, how quick can we ever win this?

How do you get out of that predicament if you're running that game show? Do we got a couch laying around anywhere? We can slide into the spot? That furniture set that a contestant didn't claim last week. Get her the couch. Get that grandfather clock in here as fast as you can. Oh, I want one of those. Do you?

That's how I know I'm getting old. Yeah, that is. My grandma had one growing up. Oh, my God. I know. You won't use a flamethrower and you want a grandfather clock. Take that back. So now we know.

Now we know why you're not using your flamethrower. Now you're the type of guy who sits around wanting a grandfather clock in the house. You don't deserve that way. Do you do that flame thrower? Will you? Do you ever hear the song that that thing does? I heard the song. I looked them up.

What are you becoming? I know. Hey, trust me. I don't like it anymore, anybody else. All right. So what else is going on with, yeah, we were talking about the price is right. Poor, that's some piss, poor luck. You ain't got no feet and you want a treadmill?

Well, if she's a comedian, I'm sure she got some material out of it. That's my thought, is she probably had a really good sense of humor about it. A friend of mine has a saying about bad luck, like a bald guy winning a comb at the county fair. I always like that one. That's a good one. Speaking of all these prizes and whatnot, you know, winning prizes. I'm not much of a winner. I can't think of anything I've ever won.

Did you read about this guy in Las Vegas? He put five bucks into a slot machine and it burped up $10 million? Yeah. My God. One of my uncles, he's not a gambler either. He was like at a convention in Vegas with his boss. And they decided, oh, we'll just put, we'll get $10 in quarters. And on the first quarter in a slot machine, they won $10,000 of a $0.25.

sense. Pretty good gig. That's effing mental. This was somewhere in Vegas, like I said, all they're telling us is this lucky bastard came from Atlanta, Georgia. What do they call the joint? Westgate, Las Vegas resort and casino,

wherever the hell that is. Sat down in front of a slot machine, turned five bucks into $10 million. Jeez. It's funny. This casino has a website or a social media page or something. So they posted it.

They want you to know you can come here and win big money. Of course they do. This casino posted up on social media. They referred to the guy as only this. Some lucky bastard. No kidding. I love that. I mean, I'm surprised that's even possible.

Some lucky bastard. That's great. I don't know how that's possible. I don't play slot machines. I know absolutely nothing about them. I had to double check. I'm like, wait, five bucks. he can really win that much. That's wild.

The prize came down to this, Josh, $10,292,912. $32.32 into this peckerhead's pocket. Well, sort of. Again, I just admitted I know nothing about playing slot machines. Just nothing. It doesn't draw me in at all, ever. I think they're kind of fun, especially there's some cool themed ones. Well, some of them have big boobs on them and whatnot. Anyway, our Turtle Lake deal, they got like ghost. Ghostbusters, I want to say.

Oh, my God, Ghostbusters. Yeah, there are a cool ones. Wow. Imagine if they had a slot machine that looked like a giant grandfather clock. Oh, I'd put some quarters in that. That's where the cool kids are hanging out at the casino. Dong. Did you know this?

It's two o'clock. Dong. Dong. What movie? 651-989-933-93. We're not leaving until we get an answer. 651, 989, 93. Dong, and then you clap,

then you say it again. Okay. Did you guys know this? At least, this is a situation that the lucky bastard faces in Vegas after winning this 10 million some odd amount of dollars. Winners usually have to choose between an annuity paid out over decades

or a smaller lump sum that gets whacked with federal taxes. Does that matter? at all. I mean, when you win $10 million, whatever. Yeah, I mean, you understand, that's how it's going to go. You're going to get half of it or whatever. I always love the people are like, oh man, that guy won $20 million. Yeah, you know, it's only $10 million after

taxes. Yeah, like, I'm cool with it. That's still a very good thing. That's a $10 million more than I got right now. 16 candles. Let's get out of here. Yeah, I don't think that character would ever exist in a movie again. There were some funny moments there. No, he was funny. Yeah, he could have been treated back. He was cute.

Before we go, happy 32nd birthday to Rice County Bush Light Jesus. 93x. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on to Habs podcasters?

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