93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Little Debbie/Big Debra

Episode Date: August 20, 2026

Monkey whisperers. Hot for Teacher. Everything you've ever wanted to know about a drive-thru drive-by. Originally aired Thursday, August 20, 2026. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. 90. That's a beautiful day. A happy day. Welcome to the program ski. I mean, just look at Covey over here. He's beaming.

He's glowing. Always happy to be here. Always. Yeah, you are. And maybe I'm overdoing it. Maybe today ain't all that great. I mean, it's much too early to decide. Although, I got to say,

you guys know the old saying the two happiest days in a boat owner's life are the day you buy the boat and the day you sell it now finally move it yesterday i at least have a verbal agreement with a feller to go ahead and buy my boat it ain't over yet but it's a load off my mind to have that verbal agreement and i have you to thank josh it's one of your pals that has made the verbal agreement with me i told that you that you're not that you're the guy I said, Josh has hyped a lot of people up over the years. I really have. This guy's so great. This guy's incredible. And they turn out to be losers. I lie a lot. Losers. You don't lie. It's just you are quickly fooled. You're quick to fall in love and you are easily drawn in. You're easily drawn in by people. And then they break your heart into a million pieces.

So I told this guy, I said, Josh has hyped a lot of people up. And I told him, he might be the only guy where the hype was real. He gets stuff done. No matter what it is, whatever you need, he's the guy. He's a get stuff doneer. He's the guy to know. So I'm especially enthused this morning because yesterday things seem to work out. He's going to buy the boat.

And I couldn't be happier. Bitter sweet, of course, to a certain extent. I had a lot of laughs, a lot of fun on that little vessel. But it's time. Yeah, I mean, I know this has been a source of stress for you. You got enough going on with some other stuff. A little bit. I'm glad you have, he'll make it happen.

Finally, one of these, oh, this guy's so awesome characters. Finally, one of them worked out. Damn, you got a beautiful. WI once on that boat. A lot of great memories on the boat. That's your go-to. But it's time. It actually was kind of a fun.

Yeah, you've told the story. Yeah, it sounded like it was fun. I wasn't worried at all. When I was pulled over, because one of my very intoxicated pals was sitting on the swim pad. Once we got beyond the no wake buoys, of course, everyone has to be seated in the boat, except for the driver can stand. But all your passion years need to be. seated. Next thing you know, here comes that sheriff's boat right side by side with me.

And I thought, well, what the hell did I do? I look behind me. Dinkus is sitting up on the swim pad and we were going, you know, about half throttle. Son of a bitch. And I had a handful of beers in me that day. I did. But I didn't feel affected at all. So I wasn't nervous. And the cop said, yeah, you got someone sitting on the swim pad. Everyone's got to be seated. I said, yeah, I know that. I don't know what the hell he's doing. Two of my friends were with me that day, and they were wildly intoxicated, absolutely annihilated. And the sheriff said it was a female, if that matters at all to you, and she says, come on, hop over into my boat. Hey now. Yeah, that's what I thought. Because I was not nervous at all. So she kicks my boat off into the Great Beyond.

and I'm inside the sheriff's boat now, and she's running me through all the tests, and I'm killing it. I'm trying to remember, Josh. One of them was with my, while tapping my fingers onto my thumb, so index finger, middle finger, ring finger, pinky, while tapping my fingers onto my thumb,

I had to count from like 27 to 52. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. So it was 27. I tried that sober, and that's not always easy to do. You overthink it, I think. And then maybe there was some alphabet exercise there. What's that?

Soup? No, no, not alphabet soup. I thought maybe you guys kind of just decided to have a meal. Have a bowl of soup in the middle of a boat on a hot summer day. Nothing sounds more lovely. But no, it was like, you know, I had to go from L to W. Wow, I can't even do it right now. Oh, yeah, L-M-N-O-P.

Anyway, I was killing that. And she even told me, she said, oh, then she did the, I have to watch the pen go side to side with only my eyes. Oh, yeah. And she says, I don't see any trouble here at all. You seem fine to me. But she said, why don't you go ahead and spit for me, right? So she puts the DWI spit tube in my yap, and I blew like I've never blown before.

And it came up a 0.08. Well, that's a DUI or a BU. as we know now, the level is 0.08. And I said, God dang. I thought, that's it for me. They're going to take me to the cooler. You'll take my boat. And she said, well, let me ask you something.

When's the last time you had any beer? And I said, well, you probably saw it. I said, as you were pulling up beside me, I just cleaned out the last couple of ounces of a can of beer. I just finished one. And she said, okay, well, then that's clearly mouth alcohol is why you have blown the 0.08, so I'm going to say you're good to go. And I said, okay, cool, yeah. That must explain that.

I had just consumed the last couple of ounces of my seed wiser. And so she said, that's mouth alcohol. You were saying something, John? I was just going to say more relief than even selling your boat, the relief you have from that. Very similar. Very similar, Josh. Oh, I can't even imagine. You must have been in a bit of a panic. When I blew the 0.08? Yeah, when you thought, I'm in some trouble.

bubble here. You know what? Yeah. Yeah, I thought, okay, that's, but, but I still, I still had it in my head that that can't be right because I felt perfectly fine. So there was a little bit of panic, but more, I think I was readying myself to question the 0.08 until she asked me, you know, when's the last time you had a beer? And I told them, you know, what I told her. And then she said, yeah, so you're good to go, in my opinion, you're fine. But this was the fun part. So off in the distance, there's my boat just being toggled around in the wake and by two intoxicated pals look like a couple of

friggin bowling pins just barely, because they're just hammered and the cop says but just out of curiosity she says are either of your buddies maybe in better shape than you right now?

I mean she said you're fine but is there a chance that either one of your buddies are sober? And I said, look at those freaking chaperonies right now. He said, no, they're absolutely hammered. So that was the closest I came to any kind of a disaster in that. I know what you mean

about 0.08, though. I did the same thing. In one of those drinking experiments, you know, where the cops gets you drunk. Yeah. Yep. You know, a little groping and stuff like that. You're drunk and you don't really care. What? Grooping. What are you talking about? You don't really mind, you know, unnecessary frisking and stuff. You were being touched?

Unnecessarily. Unnecessary. Yeah, they waited until I got drunk. Yeah. But then you know, every, you did the same thing. You almost died in yours. Oh, God. Every, after, I don't know, however long, every half hour or something, they have you blow into the thing, and then you're fine. And then they would ask you ahead of time, where do you think you're at? Would you get behind the wheel?

And each time they asked me, I said, I feel like I'd be fine behind the wheel. Right. And I blew a 0.09. And I was absolutely shocked that I was, I could have got a D-D-D. Do you remember how many drinkies you had in you at the time? Maybe three. I mean, maybe I'm underselling it or even overselling it. It's very possible that it was only three because you've never had a tremendously high tolerance for alcohol.

Yeah, I never drink. Even when you were a kid, you were a rare drinker. So that makes sense, I think. This must have been like 20 years ago. Did they have you like sit and chill in one spot the whole time? Yeah, we just were sitting at a bar. Oh, okay. So I wonder if you would have felt it more if you like got up and moved around a little bit more.

And then you were like, whoa, yeah, I'm a little tuned up. Boy, good question. I wonder now at my advancing age if I would realize, okay, I'm at a point of, I don't even mess around. I mean, if I have one now, I'm just like, I'm going to really wait this thing out. Stoned Pirate Jesus texted in and said, I've heard enough. It was obvious that that lady cop was into you. I think so, too. Obviously.

I think we did have a pretty good time together. I think when we... That's why she picked you out of the crowd. There was some... There was some... There's a term. There's like a term, a relationship to... Oh, compatibility.

There was some compatibility when we were talking. So maybe I could have taken it further that day. So, and Josh is right, when we did a controlled drinking experiment here in the studio 25 years ago, I came very close to death. But you don't need to hear that nightmare story again. I am convinced that I came very close to death that day. Also, Josh, you know, I'm very happy. I owe you one for introducing me to this pal of yours who,

who is going to buy my boat. I think you would be proud of me today also, Josh. Last night, you should be proud of your life partner. Me and a couple of buddies performed very well last night in an 80s hair metal trivia contest at a bar up in Maple Grove. Oh, cool. I didn't even know they did that. Yeah, I miss bar trivia.

I think they, see, a couple of my friends had gone to this bar before. I think it was called Omni Brewing. Yep, I've been there. Okay, it's a brewery. Nice place. Probably pretty fancy. Maple Grove. It was kind of in an industrial area.

I actually, I wouldn't call it fancy, but it was a cool joint, cool joint. A couple of my friends had tried it before. They don't do it often. I think just once a year, maybe they do 80s, specifically 80s hair metal. We're not talking. So, ACDC, Metallica, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Thrash Metal, not included. It's all hair metal.

Like poison and warrant and stuff like that. So me and my team actually tied for first place. It came with another team, came down to a tiebreaker. And unfortunately, we were defeated in the tiebreaker. The tiebreaker question was, what year was David Lee Roth born, whoever's closest is the winner? We wrote down 195.

The winners were correct with their answer of 19. 54. So it was about as close as it could. Yeah. But we had a lot of fun. I, obviously, I was thinking, you know, we could have used your help too. Oh, that would have been fun. We only got one answer incorrect. That one or another one as well? Well, no, the tiebreaker didn't count because that was just a silly tiebreaker. We only got one question incorrect in the bulk of the actual contest. And this is maybe where you would have come into play. We were asked to, they played no lyrics. They just played the music, the intro actually. They played the intro of a song. We had to name the song. And I said, I know that slaughter. And I said, the song is the wildlife. And we decided, okay. Because none of us were huge slaughter fans.

I mean, I remember the first record and the second record. So anyway, we were wrong. It wasn't the wildlife. It was a song off their first record called Desperately. Oh, yeah, sure. I knew you would know that you would remember that one. Was it Tim Kelly, their guitar player, who passed away in a car, accident. He was good. Did you ever listen to

their live album? Yes. Did you like it? I thought it was great. Yeah, he's you talking about the band or just Tim Kelly in particular? Well, Tim Kelly in particular, but just that album I thought I mean, he was better live, I think, than on the record. Tim Kelly. He was a good guitar

player. They had a solid band. The drummer was worth the price of admission in itself. Blas Elias when he first, he was. Awesome. He was worth going to see all by himself. I mean, you could, I mean, just even if you're not hearing him, just watching him play is entertaining. The drawback to Slaughter, for you old 80s rock fans like Cubby and I, the drawback to Slaughter,

seeing them live, was Mark Slaughter, the lead singer, who had an incredible voice, had incredible range. The problem was, never for a second did he let you forget that? Yeah, that is kind of a bummer. To where even when I was 19 years old, they came very close, we were watching them at the Mirage or something when I was 19 or 18 years old. I came very close to walking up to the soundboard and saying, can you please turn the lead vocals down a little bit?

Because I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Mark Slaughter never let you forget that he could hit those insane high notes, and it would drive you crazy. Yeah, I've never, there's a few artists like that. I wonder, I never saw Steelheart live, but I wonder if that's kind of the same thing there. Funny you bring up Steel Heart, because a couple of the trivia questions where I think put us over the top was

they played us a Steelheart song and said well they said they just played the song and said we need the artist and the song title and the majority of the crowd had no idea it was see if you remember this one Josh it was a song by steelheart called everybody loves Eileen oh yeah we also I think gained an advantage by knowing an old Alice Cooper song called the man behind the mask which was on a Friday the 13th soundtrack. And then what was the other one? Oh, here's where you would have struggled, because part of the contest was they would simply read you, not sing you, but read you song lyrics. You had to name the song. You don't know lyrics from anything. It's embarrassingly bad. It can be a song I really like and I don't recognize the list. It's actually kind of odd how oblivious you are to lyrics in even the biggest hard rock songs. You have no idea. So he spoke us the lyrics. to a hair metal song. And I think this one might have lost a few people,

but I remembered it. It was naughty, naughty by Danger, Danger. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Andy Timmons. Although I don't think he played on that song now that I think about it. I think they had a different guitar player at that time. So I had a good time. I want to say word to the folks at Omni Brewing.

Cool glad you enjoyed yourself. Me and my pals, we all talked afterwards that we wish that they would do it more often, and do an 80s hair metal or 80s rock, heavy metal, heart, whatever, lump them all in. Everyone from overkill to faster pussy cats, you know, if you could make it broader, we wish they would do it more often because that's obviously right up our alley and we had a good time. You know what was lost in all this? You went out on a weeknight.

Yeah, you know, I was so excited about the topic I never even considered that. And that's what my pal said last night, too. What the hell are you doing here on a school night? I'm loosening up now, Josh. I'm getting old. I don't really care what happens from here on now. Yeah, I thought about, I got to loosen up too. You're right. You never will. We always have conversations off air about loosening up our, I mean, I'm not trying to sound too serious here, but this is the only word I can come up with. Josh and I often talk about loosening up our work ethic a little bit because we do obsess a little bit about how much work we put into this program.

And after 30 years, we should start to F off a little bit more. I have actually taken that challenge. You, I think, you'll talk a good game, but you'll still be a perfectionist and work way too many hours until the day that you die. Hey, but I thought about it, though. He thinks about it. Honestly, it wouldn't even be a thought.

That would be almost frustrated if my wife would be like, do you want to go out to dinner? I'm like, no. That is true. We can order something. Just the fact that you consider easing back your workload a little bit is an improvement over a few years ago. But you want to know why you will never, ever lose your grip on your work ethic and the hours that you put in.

You want to know why? Why? Because you're out of your mind. That's why. I do sometimes check in with you like, hey, would you mind if I, I, I don't know, mold the lawn or something like that? Let's get naughty, naughty. I know the rest. Down and dirty.

I'm so proud of you. The chorus is sometimes I get. Let me try something on you. Let me try something on you. I've told you. before, I mean, Danger, Danger. Todd Polly, Todd Polly, right? The lead singer?

Todd Polly, yes. Ted Polly. Okay, I knew us close. Yeah. Great singer. Not that great of a singer. I think he's a great singer. And I thought he was a cool front man. Not that cool. Whoever wrote the lyrics, they're some of the worst lyrics in all of rock and roll. It sucks. And I'm not going to blame Andy Timmons or guitar player for that.

Like one of them was stack them up like pancakes. Right. Flip them over when I'm through. And then what? Oh, God, now I forgot. All right, I got to look this up. Something about why do one girl when you could do two. Yeah, it's something like that.

Yeah. Let me try this out because this is something I've always been fascinated by. Despite your knowledge of hard rock, heavy metal, 80s rock, whatever you want to call it, you are completely unaware and oblivious to the song lyrics. And that's probably one of the only opposites we have in our love. for that style of music is I am a lyrics guy. I love a really good hard rock song. I love what's written down. I love the lyrics. You don't pay attention at all. So real quick, Josh, kind of like what we experienced last night at the contest. I'm going to read you the lyrics of,

and this is a wildly popular hard rock song. Let's see if you can get it. Okay? All right. Jump back. What's that sound? Here she comes. Full blast. Top down. Okay, I think I know the artist. Yeah. Is that Van Halen or David Lee Roth, one of the two? All right, I'll give you credit. Van Halen. It is Van Halen, okay.

I'll go a little further. Hot shoe. Oh. Vernon down the avenue. Model citizen, zero discipline. Go ahead. You're totally unsure. I know the song.

Don't you know she's coming home? with me. But you'll lose her in the turn. You still can't see, it's weird. That's weird to me. Honestly, I've always thought lyrics were kind of unnecessary. You have, what? You have heard this song close to a million times

I bet in your life. It's got to be Panama. Yes, it's Pan Am. I wonder what... I was trying to get to the chorus. I'm fascinated by how does your brain not retain that information when you hear it over and over and over. I just don't even pay attention.

never hear it originally then yeah i never i've never cared so much that's so strange i'm gonna try i'm gonna try again well wait a minute i can't use that one because they say the song title right away oh that'll help yeah i would um oh okay i got another i'll try this one yeah what are you doing so i'm wondering i'm hoping somebody can then join me in one of these things sometimes i'll watch like a season of a show and i don't really know all the characters names oh i'm 100% the same way oh thank god i'm not alone oh it happens all the time i'll be like explaining something that my wife missed. I'm like, well, the one guy, you know, the guy had the beard

and then the girl came, you know, the main chick, and she'd be like, their names are Derek and Sarah, you know, I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot. Let's see, fun size, I'm that exact same way. It's weird. A show, maybe I watched two seasons of, maybe even binged it. Yeah. And I never even took the time to learn a name. It's ridiculous. All right, Josh. Friday night, I need

a fight. My motorcycle, my switchplate knife. A handful of grease in my hair. It feels right. what I need to make me tight. Well, say that again? Friday night. I need a fight. And I'm trying my best, as maybe you can tell, to not sing-song it at all to try to give it.

My motorcycle, a switchblade knife, a handful of grease. My hair feels right. But what I need to make me tight. Boy. Oh, the opposite, actually. Oh, girls, girls, girls? Yeah, Motley Crew, Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls. For Pete's sake.

I know if you were to said Girls, Girls, Girls, I would have known it right away. Yeah. Yeah, I bet. Oh, some of the lyrics, one of the lyrics we were quizzed on last night, which I got right away and I was ashamed of myself, was the lyrics to Unskinny Bop. I never liked that song. No one ever liked that song.

It's garbage. So, yeah, last night, what's a song? got you so jumpy. Why can't you sit still? Like gasoline, you want to pump me and leave me when you get your fill. I would have known that one. If it's a terrible garbage. Sometimes I know it. That's just a thing for you. I don't know why you never take in the song lyrics where that's one of my favorite things. I try and pay attention more because I know how meaningful it is to you. Oh, that's very sweet. Truthfully. When I was younger, I would like play my favorite music. video on YouTube but like do like the lyric version and sit there and try to remember the song like

over and over and over again day in and day out. All right. Let me try this on our listing audience and I'm not even going to use words. What song? Ear, ear, ear, rip, er, irrear, ear rip. 651-9893-93. Let's see if anybody gets it. I didn't even use words, Josh.

Where's our text machine? What do I do? Oh, yeah, I hit this button. If you're singing pour some sugar on me, I could come up with the hey-hay and pour some sugar on me. Oh, look at this. I'm telling you, former baggage handling Jesus has it already. How much time went by there? Like 10 seconds?

Keep in mind, we're on a delay. And we're on a friggin delay. Unless he's dreaming. Two people have it. Three people. Four, five. Oh, my wife texted. Your wife's got it.

Yeah, she texted. Digital Underground, the Humpty Dance. That's all you got to know. Eerie. Now, that's my wife's week. Real house. That kind of music. We had fun last night.

Yeah, I'm glad you went out. I'm glad you had a good time. And that's cool that they're doing that. Yes. What? What kind of crowd do they get for, is it lightly attended? Yeah, an 80s. Oghly crowd.

Oh, no. Or hair metal? Huge crowd. Big, ever packed. You had to fight for receipt. That place is always busy. That's good. Was anybody else decent?

I mean, aside. Oh, yeah. You mentioned the, you were neck and. neck with one group. Well, you know who was there? Who did? Your old buddy and one of my pals from the Wise Out of Legion. Squirrel. Oh, man. Does he like that kind of music?

If he does, it didn't show in the results of the contest. I love Squirrel. He and his team totally sucked. My wife went to that same trivia at Omni, but the Rosemount location, and it was the office, you know, the incredibly popular show, obsessive fans.

Her and her friends got three questions wrong, they finished tied for 12th place. Unbelievable. Yeah. Oh, people don't play about the offense. So these people are psychotic. Yeah. I think there's like eight or nine teams got all of them correct.

Well, you know, everybody knows the Humpty Dance. Yeah. Maybe that was easy. Dana, have you ever purchased a wrestling trivia game? Oh, I'm sure. I've been back in the day, yeah. I was gifted a WWF. trivia game a number of years ago, and I thought, this is going to be a blast.

It, I threw it away. It was so friggin, detailed, and difficult. The questions were like, in 1986 at Starcade 86, who was the valet for Mark Miro when, when he wrestled in a barbed wire match against Jerry Briscoe. I'm like, what? I think I know the game you're talking about because a buddy had one too, and it would be like Starcade 1986. The main event was this.

What city did it take place? And I don't know. Dude, I mean, I thought it was going to take up hours and we could just drink our balls off and be rattling off correct answers. It was so difficult that I just put it in the garbage. Yeah. That's not fun. If you can really answer the details behind these questions were so, you know,

who hurt their knee at the 1993 Halloween havoc when jumping off of a, I don't freaking know. What color trunks was so and so wearing at Royal Rumble 1991? That is the worst when there's a topic and you think, oh, this would be fun. I know a thing or two about that. And then it's questions that you look like a fool because you don't know anything about this topic you enjoy. The people that were involved in some of those wrestling matches, well, maybe because of the drugs, but either way, they don't even remember the answers in those questions. You could ask Rick Flair about the majority of his matches from the 70s and 80s, and he'd say,

I was there? All right, you bastards, let's go somewhere else now. Let's take a little break. Want me to try a couple more lyrics on you, Josh, when we come back? Not really. It's kind of embarrassing. Oh! I will. I'll take one for the team. You try me, then.

Okay. All right. We'll do the stupid news. Maybe Josh will dump a couple trivia questions on me. I got trivia on the brain, you know, after last night. We'll return here in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show. Three. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

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Stupid news. But first, you know, we were talking about song lyrics. earlier in the program. Josh, don't know Dick. No, it's embarrassing. When it comes to song lyrics. I've been trying lately to pay a little more attention, but suck at it. Don't hurt yourself.

It's not natural to you. Hell, you're beyond middle-aged, you know? You don't have to change now. Memory slipping. You've, well, you know what I mean? Why alter your approach now, which worked for you so far? I was trying to come up with one of our singer in one of the bands I was in. this was a little out of high school.

Sebastian was his first name, wasn't it? Yeah, he went on to, what was the last? It began with a B. Bach. That's the guy. Sebastian Bach. Yeah, he went on to do something. I can't remember.

But we, my singer, our singer, he wrote a song called the Touch of Slees. Yeah. And I'm trying to think of some of the lyrics because I remember them being very dirty. Even I was like, come on, man. Our parents come and watch these shows. I mean, I can see you being a little apprehensive playing guitar to a song with. with provocative lyrics. You've told some great stories about your rock band,

the Green Apple Quick Steps. Green Onion Band. The Green Onion Band. I didn't name it. Were you guys full-on 80s rock? No, not at all. Because that song title, that song title is very, very 80s rock. So that wasn't Green Onion Band, that particular band.

Oh. But the Green Onion Band, you know. What was your style? Give me a comparable band I'm trying to think kind of like suck we sucked quite a bit

but we did play out a lot I doubt that kind of like more alternative-y like kind of a Jane's addiction-y at times oh god I you know I was

I just wanted to play some like cool guitar riffs so I could come up with that kind of stuff but yeah it was it wasn't my style of music at all right it was just some guys to play with and our drummer incredible drummer. You were doing it for the squish.

Well, that was the goal. I never really achieved that goal. A touch of slees, but you can't remember any of the lyrics? No, it's killing me. I'll have to reach out to some of those guys and see if they remember. So our singer at that time, he was the horniest individual I'd ever met in my entire life. Oh, yeah? By far.

And, you know, he... Did he ever cross the street in a blizzard and throw out his back to try to... That's an inside story. You don't need to hear that story. But he was a hornyest. individual? Oh yeah, and he did all the 80s rock stuff like, I'm trying to, how I would describe it, where you put the prayer hands

up, right, and then you put it next to your side of your face and you tilt your head and make a kissing face? You're talking about well, that's a very Brett Michael's thing. It's a poison type thing, yeah. He would do that in photo. All that kind of stuff. That's embarrassing. In photographs of the band, he would do that kissy face with the

prayer hands? That's right. Holy balls. So, we were earlier on, we were talking song lyrics and Josh struggles in that department. So I even tested him on a couple of

huge rock hits. One of them I read the lyrics to Panama by Van Halen. You figured that one out but you did not know girls. Didn't take that long, but you did not know girls, girls, girls by the Motley crew. No. Who are playing what? Tomorrow night? I want to go see Extreme. There are some folks

in the building very excited to go see Motley Crew. Extreme is one of the opening bands? Are you considering actually going out of your house to go see that show? What do you mean by considering? Like in a perfect world where I wish I was a different type of guy? Yes. Now, you said you don't want to be quizzed any further on song lyrics because you get embarrassed.

I will, but I mean, I suck at it. I worry people are going to hate my guys. I told you I wouldn't, but a listener wants to try one more on you. Okay. Okay. And I asked you, you could test me if you wanted to. I don't know if you prepared anything. I came up with a few.

I think you'll get them. Here's the listener. This is Offended Millennial Jesus. And the lyrics simply go like this. I don't want to wait for our lives to be over. I want to know now what it will be. All right. Actually, I want to ask you, can you even name the song? No, I can't.

No, I can't. I knew it. I love to sing it. You do, that's your favorite song. I don't want to wait. Can you guess the singer? Alanis Morristette. No, she's incredible. No, I don't know.

Good guess. Paula Cole. Paula Cole? Yeah. And what's the name of the song? I don't want to wait. That's a beautiful song. I think you'll get some of these.

I think you'll probably get all of these, actually. I was trying to make it super easy, but I also wanted ones that most people would know. I'll do my damnedest. I don't care if I ever get back. Let's take me out to the ball game. Let me root, root, root. Yeah, okay, you got that one. That's wonderful.

Just yesterday we listened to Mr. T sing, take me out to the ballgame, and it was glorious. They cursed and buried him along with shame. Bark at the moon. Yep. Things not what they used to be. Missing one inside of me. Oh, wow, yeah. Deathly lost, this can't be real.

Fade to Black. Yep, Metallica, Fade to Black. I actually had an advantage there because my terrible high school rock band used to play Fade to Black. Oh, did you? And I sang this on bitch. I still love you, girl.

I really love you, girl. And if he ever hurts you, true love won't desert you. Okay, that is separate ways, journey. Correct. That's a great one, Josh. That's a great choice. This one might be tough.

Yeah? But you'll probably get it. You're passionate about this kind of thing. You know you can't resist to tell me what I mean. You gave my mind a twist and said that I was unclean. The actor runs the play and ad-libs in between. You're all that I resent. My thoughts were so obscene.

I can't say that I've ever heard that in my life. It's an obscure choice from this band. But you and I love the song. One more time? I'll tell you the band and maybe you can get it. Okay. The band is Megadeth. Okay.

You know you can't resist to tell me what I mean. You gave my mind a twist, said that I was unclean. Yeah. The actor runs the play and ad libs in between. You're all that I resent. My thoughts were so obscene. Wow. Those are great lyrics, by the way.

I was just going to say, I got to listen to more Megadeth lyrics. Those are cool. It's a song you and I both really like. It's an odd choice from this band. I'm going to go with foreclosure of a dream. That's a great song. It's not that. I want you to get it.

I'm trying to think of other clues I can give you. Without giving it away. Okay. If I told, do you want to know the album? Yes. The world needs a hero. Oh, Christ. Is that Motocyco?

Motocco. Megada. I got a lot of hints on that one. But, boy, yeah, Dave. That one was the one I thought you might struggle. with. Dave could write a song, couldn't he? Yeah. Still can. Yeah, yeah, he still can. We'll be seeing him in a month,

if all goes well, opening up for Megadale. Oh, yeah. On the 19th? Yeah, I love song lyrics. I do. I'll be at that one, because you're going. Yeah, you'll be there. I know I've mentioned this before, but one of my favorites, and especially when you match it up with the music and this guy's singing voice, it just has

so much impact for me. somebody saved me by Cinderella Tom Kiefer Put your money in a big house Get yourself Put your money in a big house Get yourself a pretty wife She'll collect your life insurance

When she comes at you with a knife That has always sounded so cool to me It's kind of dark And when Tom sings it to you With that head bob that he does And he's sweating his nuts off All right, there you go. He also has the line later on in that same song where he says,

everyone's got opinions, but nobody's got the answers. And you ate for breakfast, it'll only give you cancer. He's good. All right. Let's ride this stupid news donkey and see where it takes us. I'm going to make you hungry right from the get-go. Oh, an 18-year-old kid in Louisiana by the name of John. This one's not too complex.

John was apprehended by law enforcement last week after stealing from a Circle K gas station. John tried walking out the joint with a fountain drink in one hand. Soda Fountain Fountain Soda, don't you know? He's got a fountain drink in one hand. and it says here in the other, John had several snacks. Several snacks. That's Philly.

Mini donuts, honey buns. Speaking of 80s, pound cake, even though that album came out in the 90s, what band Van Halen? I like that album. John had one. I bet you hated it at first. I didn't like any of the Sammy Hagar Van Halen at first.

No. But as I got older, I learned to appreciate it quite a bit, especially the first record, 5150. John had a fountain soda in one hand, and he had mini donuts, honey buns, and pound cake, and the other, about $20 worth of glorious gas station snackies. The store clerk called the police after watching John just walk out. But by the time they showed up, John was nowhere to be found until he came back. Nobody knows why, but John came wandering back to the scene of the terrible crime. maybe he had to take a deuce, I don't know.

The police easily spotted him and arrested him. He was also wanted for a previous, previous is how you say it. He was also wanted for a previous burglary. Stupid, stupid John. You know, they say the criminals come back to the crime, right? They revisit the crime. And so you hear, at least in movies, I don't know if this happens in real life. They say that in the movies when it comes to murder.

Yeah. And so they'll have a cop that's, scanning the crowd just to see if they can pick out the perp. Right, right. They do that in the movies all the time. What a dumb crime to revisit in this case. Yeah, why would you come back? Has everybody here worked at a job where you survived solely on gas station food for the whole time you worked there?

Like when I landscaped. Oh, yeah. That's all we ate. Well, Fuddruckers. God, I miss Fuddruckers. And grocery, or excuse me, convenience stores. Here for a while. Yeah.

There was a stretch of time in our careers here at the radio station. station, Josh, where every single day, for years after I left work, I would go get my technically breakfast, but it would happen around lunchtime. I would go get my first meal of the day at the gas station. The chuckwagons, the double charbroils, the salsa rosa Rio Doritos. Funions? Fonions. Either a watchem a call it or a damn payday bar. That was every day for year. Those are good candy bars. Every day for years. So yeah, surviving off a gas station food, we all know that lifestyle. Do you want to try a couple more lyrics, everybody?

Oh, sure. This is from Short But Fat Jesus. Yeah. Sit right back and you hear a tale. Uh-huh. A tale of a fateful trip that started a... Gilligan's Island? That's correct.

Oh, my wife even wants to get involved in this game. Great song, great lyrics. Alan Hale will be one of my heroes for my entire life. Alan Hale, who played the Skipper. Your wife has some lyrics for us? Yeah, for you specifically. For me? Because you guys share a passion.

Hit it. When I dial my baby's number, I get a click every time. Mr. Telephone Man, New Edition. That's right. She loves New Edition. I love New Edition. She's seen them many, many times. I think, are they here in the next couple weeks?

New Edition? They seem to come to town quite often. Because I know she's going to like a TLC show or something. She's into that kind of thing. My favorite being, what the hell was that one? I bet she already knows. If it is in love,

why do I feel so bad make me feel so sad inside? But if it is in love, Ralph Trezvant, Johnny Gill, Bobby, pardon me, well, all the members of new edition would be Ralph Trezvant, Johnny Gill, Bobby Brown, Ronnie DeVoe, Michael Bivens, and Ricky Bell. Boy, when I was in fifth grade, the song Celebration, that was a real banger. Cool in the gang. Yeah. 1981.

All right. Let me tell you something straight from the heart, by God. We were talking about snacks a minute ago with that friggin' John character. Straight from the heart. I will drop the mitts and fight any swinging D who's got something bad to say about Little Debbie's snack cake. Hell yeah. I'll go to war for those damn snack cakes by God. Best ever.

She knows what she's doing, doesn't she? That bakery pumps out some good stuff. Chomp it up. So check this deal out. Some clown bag in West Virginia, he got himself arrested for stealing $17,000 worth of little Debbie Snizzak, Kizak. 17,000. They are expensive now. James is the name.

Sly prick that he is, James. He was making his living as a snack cake delivery driver for a company that supplied grocery stores in Pennsylvania and Ohio. That's how he made his damn living. But one day, James decided he would up and forge the signatures of grocery store employees on the invoices.

You follow how that works. You show up at the grove, and then they sign off on the... He forged the signatures of the grocery store employees without actually delivering any of the snacks. His boss paid James, thinking he had made all of his deliveries that day. And James went ahead and kept all the little Debbie snacky snacks. problem was the grocery stores you all right

that sounded kind of rock oh yeah that sounded like it hurt I like some dust or something did you swallow a swallow a bug oh god don't even put that in my head probably the mold thinking about swallowing a bug there's probably so much mold in here

did you swallow a big fat fly or something no so the problem was the grocery stores easily and immediately realized that they didn't have the snacks on the shelves that they were supposed to have They figured out what was going on right away. Where the hell are our little Debbie snack kit?

Where the hell's the guy with the truck? You're not going to forget about those. James never showed. Maybe if you were stealing the apples or something stupid. Oh, yeah. Something healthy. The celery? You don't like.

If the broccoli and celery guy doesn't show up, yeah. But the little Debbie guy did. So the grocery store obviously noticed something was missing. And the police tracked James down. After people called in, and said that they spotted him at the neighborhood flea market. He just, he rolled open the back of that delivery truck, and he's selling the snack cakes at the stinking flea market and keeping the cash.

I thought he was way cooler than that. I thought he was just keeping it for himself. Just kind of basement full of little Debbie. Yeah, that sounds awesome, dude. Yeah. Don't they say those things will last through a nuclear bomb or something? Oh, Twinkies, yeah. I hope I've got a little Debbie snack cake in my yap.

when that nuclear bomb hits so I can have one last ride. What's your favorite? I know it's hard, but. It's got to be the snack cakes, the white ones with the chocolate drizzle on top. Oh, classic. They come in twos and don't get cute with that. But yeah, there's so many incredible products that they push out. But the original snack cakes, I'll lick them down.

I wasn't expecting that answer. More people go, I don't know, like, I can't remember what little dead. Debbie's version is of like the ho-ho. Yeah. Yeah, people love those. Omeal cream pies. Ooh, those are incredible. Those strawberry things.

Yeah, the strawberry rolls. Those are where it's at. Strawberry rolls. I've tried to recreate that. Did they make it into a big roll, but it's impossible. Can't do it like Little Debbie. I've put my genitals on them before, Judge. Yeah.

Yeah. Do they make the banana flips or is that a hostess thing? That's hostess. Little Debbie might have their version. I don't know. They probably do. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Busted Jesus said can of pop, two little debby's, cost a dollar five in 1988. That was my lunch the whole year. Yeah, what was the dream? Zebra cakes, the cosmic brownies. Those are popular. Heck yeah. Oh, gosh, when somebody would bring those for like the snack at the end of a softball game or whatever, oh, that was the favorite parent immediately.

Oh, zebra cake is what that original snack cake is called. Oh, that's what you were referring to. You bet that one? The one I was just to. I'm sorry. Great choice. Great choice. I don't often know the formal title, but yeah, the zebra cake.

Anyway, this James Bastard is off to jail now for selling stolen little Debbie snack cakes. All right, this one might be difficult for you all. Song lyrics? Song lyrics. Go ahead. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Mm. So you're skipping straight to the chorus. Yeah, that's a big part of the song. You're not even going to say once there was this boy who got into an accident when he was on his way to school. And when he finally came back, his hair had turned from black into bright white. And he said that it was because the cars had crashed so hard. Yeah, I'm going to skip all of that. And you're going straight to be too difficult.

Yeah. Well, you know the song. We've had this. We've done this routine before. Do you know the song, Ashley? No. Once there was this girl who. I have a touch of the Joshism when it comes to the lyrics.

I don't like that. That has been called the Joshism. She wouldn't change with the other girls in the change room. And when they finally saw her, they saw birth marks all over her body. And she said they'd always been there. That's one of those songs that I'm... We've done this before. And you were like, what?

What is this song? I'm scared of the song, but I like the song. What's the word I'm looking for? I'm surprised that you don't remember us talking about the crash test dummies. Dana, did you check the... No. He didn't? Wait, I'm sorry.

Did you check the mic's only feed? Can I play a song today or can I not? I have not checked it. I don't have access to it on these computers. Fart. I'll just try it. Double. Double farts.

Now do you know it? Ashley? When he starts singing, she will. Yeah, give me a sec. So hard. I need the chorus. That had to have been a placeholder, don't you? you think? What does that mean? When they're, you know how sometimes, like a singer, they're trying

to come up with lyrics? Oh, yeah. They'll sing along to the song and then they'll just put in something. Yeah. Well, there's a famous example of that. Maybe you can come up. I know one. Like David Lee Roth has done that a couple times, right? Well, the one, the song that came to mind for me is in sweet child of mine when Axel Rose says, where do we go now? Where do we go? Right. That was literally him in the studio, not knowing where to go next with the song. So he sings into the, he sings into the the microphone. Where do we go now? I've never heard that. And they kept it. They kept it. It's got to be this. I mean, who

would go let, I got a great idea for the chorus. And then even for the name of the song. You're probably right. It's a brilliant idea that he just was humming and they said, well, hell, that works. Yeah, we like it. Truly, I know that song drives some people up a friggin' wall. But I truly do believe that is one of the most unique tunes. Oh, absolutely. I remember being very confused the first time I heard it. But since then, yeah, it's one of those songs I'm kind of scared of.

It is a little creepy. I mean, his delivery is a little creepy. Van Halen now, you're probably thinking of unchained with the whole, hey, man, that suit is you. You'll get some leg tonight for sure. Now, the story there is that Dave Roth was just messing around while they were recording the song, messing with their sound engineer. Their sound engineer walks into the room with this terrible suit on, and Dave starts making fun of him. And the guy gets on the intercom and says, come on, Dave, give me a break.

That whole bit was supposedly improvised. They kept it in the song, and it works every time for me. I love that part of the song. You know, another song that always kind of, well, more the artists that always kind of creep me out, but I had a fascination and a weird attraction to it. King Diamond? No. Oh, thank God.

Annie Lennox. Yeah, a little odd. Yeah, like sweet dreams. And her and some of her videos watching her, there was something about her that I was very attracted to, but also terrified of. In the early days, she had this robotic stare into the camera and the short haircut. Yeah, she was kind of crazy. Or a chair, that's sweet.

Yeah, later in life, she loosened up her image a little bit. And, I mean, what a great singer. She was. She looks so cool, like now. She just looks like a cool chick. She is a cool chick. I mean, when she and David Bowie sang under pressure at Freddie Mercury's celebration of life, that legendary show in London, I mean, that's one of the greatest performances I've ever seen.

Yeah, Trash Jetty Jesus brings up the story about how the riff and Sweet Child of mine was a warm up that Slash did. Yeah. And people realized, that's awesome. We got to put that in a song. Yeah, he was snorting a line of Coke and had a stripper sitting on his head and was just practicing the guitar and they came up with Sweet Child of the Sweet Child of How Do You Say It Mine? All right, we got time, I think, for one more quick one. Here in the stupid news. How about this slick, some bitch right here? There's a video going round and round. How they do. Maybe. Maybe he's,

this is up on our, maybe Ashley can tell us if this is up on our website. I wasn't able to see the video, because I'm not smart enough to hit the right buttons, but, so it's video of a derelict reaching into a drive-through window. He turns the key on the cash register, opens it, snatches out the cash. That takes some balls right there. So, you know, the drive-through workers are hustling around in the background, putting together orders and whatnot. So this is kind of similar to our guy.

Was it John earlier who came back to the scene of the crime? This derelict gets away with it for the first time. But then, yeah, the arrogant dick went back four seconds, and he got caught that time. So he must have some experience in the cash register industry. What am I talking about? You know what I mean? Right. What an idiot.

No, this is not up, but I'll try to find it. bump it up. Oh, okay. I did send it to you a little bit. Oh, okay. Then again, maybe Josh, maybe any jabroni might just take a stab at turning the key. I don't know. Yeah, I guess I've never worked a cash register, so it might take a couple seconds to figure that out.

Yeah, it's you, somebody obviously had to leave a wide open because there's a code usually to get in. Is that right? Yeah, sometimes it's like a two-factor authentic, or like a, you know, not like keep what your phone's doing. But sometimes you even need two people to do it if you're not making it. if you're not making the sale. 6-9-6-9. That's the code Cubby's got across the board. Or 6-9-4-20. Yeah.

I go between the two. So the people, just like you're going to launch a nuke, they're both standing against a wall and you have to turn the key at the same time? At some places I've worked, too. And like the later, I guess, the later that I've worked in these kind of places, like the more of the time that's past versus when I had a job at a retail store when I was 14 versus when I was 21, the technology obviously advanced quite a bit. And then, yeah, it would turn into, it eventually turned into you couldn't even open it unless

somebody was actively buying something. And then you have to shut it right away or else stuff goes wrong and alarms go off. It's very weird. I mean, not weird. Makes sense, but. This guy got caught the second time around. The second time around, the workers ran over. They hollered at them.

I don't get it. What does code stop leaving the drawer open? Well, no, he was turning the victim blame. He's turning the key. Yeah, there's like a key in it. There's got to be another way. This guy gave him the money back. Or because I think he knew, okay, I'm gassed here.

I'll try to make right. He gave him the money back or at least some of it. Then he drove out of there. It's unclear, it says here, if they caught this prick because he drove out of there. I suppose. Yeah, he's thinking, boy, it worked the first time. Might as well give it another shot. All I mean, he's all over camera.

Some bitches. It kind of seems like criminals don't care about that anymore. They just realize there's cameras everywhere. I'm going to be on camera. I still want to be a prick. It kind of reminds me of this boy that ever tell you about this kid, Josh. His parents made him come home directly right after school. Mm-hmm.

And then when they would go to their church, they shook. and lurched all over the church floor. He couldn't quite explain it. They'd always just gone there. Gone there, you say. We lost our co-work. Yeah, definitely. What happened?

I'm trying to figure it out. We're going back to the old bit. Come on. I'm so sorry. It's the old bit. We just did the song, you know. Did you not see me almost cough to death, Ashley? I did see you almost cough to death.

Are you all right? We're going to move on. I'll hit up the sports here in a couple minutes on the program. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Yeah, Little Debbie's snack cakes, Josh. We were having a conversation earlier. I'll fight to the death for Little Debbie and her damn snack cakes. I will.

Just glorious. But a listener, I do. I do like sweets in general. A listener texted in now to remind us, too many Little Debbie's will turn you into Big Debra. Somebody else said, do you mean little diabetes? Whatever. What happened now? What happened?

I'm going to be honest with you. I was reading text, having fun, effing off. I didn't prepare Dick Tracy. Not a damn thing. Well, a twin swept a series? I'm sure you're pretty excited about that. F, me running. What are they doing to me?

There's ups and downs and ups and down. This way, that way. That is a glorious sweep of the Atlanta Braves that the twins came up with yesterday. Absolutely glorious. I dig it. They got a day off today. Then they start,

this is the negative part, I guess. Now they got to go to the West Coast for a week. It'll be all these 845 starts and whatnot. They got a day off, then they go to Stinking San Diego. Well, you could give folks a tour of that ballpark. You were there just a couple of months ago. I got my San Diego sweatshirt on. What?

I'll be. Yeah, the twins, wonderful win. The Lynx won last night. They beat the Valkyries. Nice. Nine or ten times in a row, they beat that particular ball club. Oh, but that star player, Olivia Miles, limped off the court. We'll see what happens with that.

And we were talking up and down about song lyrics. And one of our listeners was kind enough to send in the opening lines from my favorite kiss song, Mr. Speed. God dang, that just makes me feel good to think about that song. My favorite kiss song sent in the lyrics. You need loving. You're looking out for new romances. Yeah, it's true. You know, you got to take your chances. When I laugh, baby, don't you know, you can cry.

Because you ain't enough lady to keep the master satisfied. That's right. Mr. Speed. Love you for that. Master. That's right. No arrogance or attitude at all with Paul Stanley in 1976 right there. Josh's news reports coming up right quick. Hey, it's Dana.

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763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Start for a day with the morning jolt of Drake Seat-O-W. See, now it's on demand. My podcast is kind of a radio thing. I think, but also it's a bit of a TV show, and it's about whatever I want it to be. It's listening live as it happened, when it happened, with the instant reaction.

Your home for Talking Sports. We go back, the Drake Toll Show, Westwood One Sports Network, and there will be on demand on your radio. Anywhere in the country, I'll see you there. Westwood One Sports Talk. Your home for Drake C Toll. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Sunday night's main event at the Wisconsin State Fair involved funnel cakes and suplexes, where deep-fried delicacies came with a side of knuckle sandwiches.

The family-friendly Wisconsin State Fair took a hard turn toward the family unfriendly when dozens of unidentified combatants raced through the food court to attack each other in an out-of-control brawl in the final hours of the annual event. Oh, shit, is that actually fighting? I love that guy. Dude. I want him just to travel with me, so any time I need a... He'll be right there for me.

In one instance, coordinated combat overtook the corn dogs and Carmelcorn when at least five butlords dressed in all black turned the state fair into a decidedly unfair fight, punching and kicking a man lying in the fetal position beside a corn dog stand. Well, 21, acting, trying to do a takeover on the racetrack. That's one thing I'll never understand is not just kicking someone when they're down, but having all your friends join in on something like that. Oh, that's a bitch move. Knock it till you try it. Yeah.

That's what. You know it's safe, Josh. That's true. You know what? I took my eye off my own bobber there for a second. Josh? It's 1v1 unless they have a weapon. Me and seven or eight of my buddies will tune you up, son.

Especially after you go down. Yeah, once I hit the ground. That's when we really show our skill set in the fighting world. Now that you mention it, that is when I'm my most courageous. When somebody else already took the person down, five of my friends have already rendered them unconscious. then I'm going to jump in and show how tough I am. I saw that a few times when we were young guys, but this really is a damn shame.

This is becoming kind of a thing at fairs now. Everyone's kicking the hell out of each other, and everyone, we've had problems here in town, haven't we? Yeah, I got... A few years ago. Wasn't it a few years ago? There was some kind of massive fight. Just last year, too, I got something on that here.

Yeah. It is... I mean, yeah, some of those, quote-unquote, family-friendly events, you are a little nervous to bring your family, too. I mean, what is the fair again? 10 days, 12 days? That's 12 days of summer. Can't we just dial it at the F-Back?

You guys want to beat the piss out of each other. Do it after September or 7th or whatever the final day. There's so many other days of the year to do that. So many. I'm trying to get a buzz and have something to eat, maybe, you know, buy a Hogbauer automotive T-shirt from the 93. Find a farm girl. I don't like this.

I don't like this vibe, Covey. Not to be outdone. Another person was tossed to the. the ground and smacked their head against the concrete at the next booth over. The massive melee stretched across several hundred yards as festival goers scrambled to protect people on the ground from getting hurt even more, so at least there were some decent folks in the crowd. Well, it's Wisconsin.

Of course there were. Then the evening's entertainment moved from the midway to the neighborhood as a majority of the crowd sprinted away from the fair and down a nearby residential street. Even the cops weren't safe as if the badge itself had become a bull's eye. A police officer was struck by an unidentified object, but luckily wasn't hurt. Garbage. This is all just garbage. Although, I'm going to call them out last year at the state fair. Dana threw a milkshake at me.

How dare you? That's so mean. Oh, no, Josh. Police did not reveal a motive for the state fair fisticofts. Apparently, the Wisconsin state fair isn't the only one dealing with a few unwelcome guests. The Great Minnesota Get Together starts a week from, today, and Minnesota officials are already taking steps to keep it safe. Middle lawsuit brought by the Ramsey County Attorney and Minnesota Attorney General,

some alleged gang members have agreed to skip the 2026 Minnesota State Fair. They talked them out of coming. Why were they going to come to start trouble? That was the fear because of past behavior. Oh, I thought maybe they're like, yeah, you can't bring your family here. So this is a good news type of a thing. They've said, hey, look, we'll give you as a break. We're not going to go to the fair?

Yeah. Well, we appreciate that. Yeah, thank you. What did they offer? Under the agreement, they'll also stay out of a designated safety area around the fairgrounds. Well, I like the sound of that. And why don't you just kind of calm down in general and just have some laughs? We're just going to take the word, to take their word for?

That's what I was thinking, Ashley. This is a good start. It's a good start. Let's keep it going, man. Keep it going, he says. Keep it going, I said. And then Nick pointed out that I said. They won't aid any gang activity in the area.

during that time. In the area, he says. Officials, I says, say the lawsuit would allow law enforcement to arrest any gang member who violates the order and attends the fair without needing probable cause that another crime was committed. What? That's crazy.

What's crazy? I missed that. I just, I didn't know, like, this kind of stuff is going on behind the scenes. It's very interesting. It's like a movie. Yeah, kind of is. Like, don't you dare come to the state fair? Where they're reasoning with known gang members.

Don't you dare. We just need some more laughs in general. If you're making plans to hit the fair the first Saturday, let's have some laughs together. The morning show will be at the 93x booth from one till three. Then we'll be back the following Friday from about 10-something to 12-something. And, of course, we'd love the chance to show us from appreciation in person for listening to this dumb show. We'll have new 93X gear, including two versions. of the Hogbauer Automotive T-shirt,

and for the first time ever, a half-ass morning show hat, the hat-hast morning show, will show up at the fair as well. I'm going to go nuts this year because I missed the whole fair last year. Oh, that's right. You showed up on a stick.

Oh, I cannot wait. We had your face on a stick last year. I can't wait to see everybody, of course, but I mostly can't wait to eat like 10 cheese on a stick. I was going to say, actually, I picture the second you walk into the fair, you're going to be, have two cheese on sticks in each hand. Yeah, I'm so.

I'm so excited. You are one of the bigger fair lovers I know. Oh, I would be there all 12 days if I could be. I did it once. I did it for work, but never just for a pleasure. I don't know how many years ago it was, but I went every single day. That's so nice. It was.

I do have a favorite address. It was me and my gang. We were there. Oh, yeah. You guys have sensed these. What was the name of that gang again? We were the donkey, punky. The honky donkeys?

The honky donkeys. That's one fearsome gang. You didn't mess with the honky donkeys. They had a song, honky donkey, but donka donkeys. That's a big one for him. Of course, my favorite attraction is a hot redhead who shows up every year. Last name of born. Ralph Mouth?

Nope. My sister? Your sister. Calm down, Josh. She's a big fan, big fan of the fair. So I get to see her every year. No one understands hating bugs more. than me. But even I know you can't exactly abandon the wheel just because a bug decides to

hitch a ride. One Pennsylvania driver apparently found the disgusting little bastard too distracting to keep her eyes on the road, and sadly, the outcome was devastating. Fifty-five-year-old Bernadette Cobb was driving east on a two-lane road when an insect flew through her open window about 4.45 p.m. last Wednesday. The resident told cops that she freaked out upon seeing the passed and tried to swipe the bug away, putting her head down by accident. When a bug flies into your car, there's a perfectly reasonable response, panic internally, cry a little while driving. But unfortunately, while Cobb was busy battling the bug, her vehicle began drifting into the

oncoming lane. Her passenger tried to grab the wheel and correct the course, but it was too late. The vehicle crashed into a motorcycle, and tragically, I'm sad to say, both people on that bike did not make it. Yikes. Cobb was arrested at the scene and hit with a butt ton of charges, including homicide and involuntary manslaughter. Well, that is a terrible accident. Disgusting.

Of course, that's a pretty bad way to let a bug ruin your day. But check out what some spiders are willing to do for love. You better watch out, Josh, or the insects will get you. They'll get you. If you fall in the water. Yeah, if you fall into the water. Trouble. Male coin spiders bite off their own scrumptious genital.

after sex, it makes them better fighters to protect the female spider they just spider-banged, thus protecting their future baby spiders. Do do, do, do, do. What an ugly, ugly world that they live in. And what the hell was that at the ass end of that statement? Wow. You know, I have an idea for your stupid news report in the future. You tell me what you make of it.

I'm going to get myself like some kind of a buzzer. Okay. And if the pun that you dump upon us, if I feel it's gone too far, You have to issue an apology to our listening audience. Well, I'll pre-apologize. I'm happy not to do it. I love it. I love it so much.

It's a lot of thinking. No, don't stop. We play a disclaimer before the news starts. I'm fine. I'm stopping. I'm stopping. What was it earlier again? Dana threw a shake at Ashley at the fair.

No, Josh. I'm sorry? You threw it at Josh. Yeah, Dana threw a shake. That's really not the point. But Dana threw a shake at Ashley at the fair. how dare he? How dare he?

Yeah. Yeah, how dairy. So you don't, I kind of having a buzzer, I think, would be fun. Oh, don't even bring it. I'm done. I give up.

Although I got a couple more. Oh. Just for today. Just for today. Butterflies can be pretty brutal, too. North America has a carnivorous butterfly known as the harvester. Uh-huh.

Whose caterpillar doesn't eat plants at all. Basically, it's a tiny winged rambo. hunts, but unlike Rambo who hunts a-holes, the harvester hunts aphids, because in the butterfly version, they drew first pollen. One more bug thing, better call the... Get the buzzer ready.

SWAT team, because today is World Mosquito Day. I wouldn't have buzzed you there. Oh, I would have thought that'd be a bit. No, no, no, no. I kind of thought that you guys would take away my key to the building for them. No, no, no. I need the buzzer, and then I think you'll understand which ones I feel go too far and which ones are totally acceptable.

When you first said buzzer, I thought you meant you wanted to get him a shock collar. Anytime you did a pun that annoyed you, you'd lay down on the thing. Oh, we don't want any shock collars. Have you guys ever tried out one of those dog shockers? No, never. It hurts way more than I thought it would. High school beer party. Typical dude thing.

That stung, yeah. Yeah, I stopped barking at passing cars after that. I mean that That's smarts. That works a lot. I had that little friggin' doxin' I had for 19 years, Josh, the one that tried to kill your stepdaughter? That's the one.

That peckerhead, he would fight right through that shock collar. I tried a shock collar on him when he was a little puppy because dachshunds can be a little yippy. And he was when he was young. He would just bark and wince and bark and wince. It never slowed him down. He was tough as nails. Yeah, we had a buddy of mine's parents got one.

They got, I think it was for an invisible fence, maybe. And they had a little dog, and so we just kept seeing how much we could raise the intensity. Yeah. And I don't think any of us made it all the way up to like. It's brutal. Yeah, I don't, Rottweiler size or something. That thing hurt. Holy cow.

My wife, when she was a young person, had a dog. and they had an invisible fence type of a setup, right? So when the dog would get outside that invisible fence, it would shock the balls off of it. And this dog was very well behaved. It never went beyond the line. She forgot to take the dog's collar off when she drove it to the veterinarian one day.

So as soon as she gets off of her property, she's wondering why this dog is doing backflips in the back of the car and rolling around. and climbing the walls of the vehicle. Well, it's because that shock collar was just going off at 1,000 percent. Poor dog. Poor puppy, yeah. She realized what she...

Once they went to the vet and back, then she took the collar off of the dog, and the dog was fine. I hope she got a steak or something like that. Yeah. A little snacky. As badass as they already are, if you've ever thought the U.S. Army could use a little more killing prostitutes, then hang on to your controller.

The Army's Be All You Can Be slogan has basically been modified to include Be All You Can Be GTA. Because an Army unit is offering active duty soldiers a four-day pass to play Grand Theft Auto 6 when the games released later this year. Oh, so like we were talking about a couple weeks ago, where employers are giving their employees time off to play the game, the friggin' military has even fallen into line? Yeah, so a little bit of different motivation. That's amazing. Some of those businesses we were talking about realized you guys are going to be worthless those days.

And enough are you going to call in sick. We might as well just shut down. That's hilarious. To save everyone a hassle. In this case, it's an incentive to re-enlist. Somewhere in the Pentagon focus groups, someone apparently pitched Be All You Can Be GTA edition. And leadership said, ship it. The idea was to have a unique incentives program, which connects to what soldiers are interested in.

an Army spokesperson said in a statement, 20 soldiers at Fort Stewart in Georgia and the Army's 9th Brigade Engineering Battalion, part of the 3rd Infantry Division, have already chosen this incentive as part as their reenlistment. Eligible soldiers must reenlist for a minimum of two years and up to six years. Now incentivizing reenlistment is not new.

The Army has long offered college benefits, a choice of a next post, retraining, entrance into exclusive certification programs or bonuses which can exceed $100,000 for certain critical specialties, but this incentive is a first of its kind. A memo from the Army, which circulated online, says any soldier who signs a reenlistment contract between August 1st and November 14th will be authorized for a special four-day pass designated to coincide

with the highly anticipated release of the video game. So if you've ever wanted to serve your country, sharpen your skills, and then spend four days doing a special. extremely questionable things in a fictional U.S. state of Leonita. Uncle Sam has a controller with your name on it. You guys, Ashley, you were into that game, were you not? Yeah, for a little bit. Absolutely.

I was dialed into it, too, for a while. I played just a couple times. My favorite part were the radio stations. Honestly, I thought, how cool. And they did such a good job on that making fun of radio. Oh, they did. And some of the soundtrack was great. The technology, I thought it was cool.

Wow, we can change the station in here. You are a unique individual. And it has nothing to do with working here. I just thought that was cool. They put a lot of effort into something that otherwise would have seemed meaningless. Just for Josh. Just for people like Josh. And I know this is, I'm not even going to say.

Say it. No. Say it. What? I've already said too much. No, keep going. I was going to say, I also just kind of liked following the rules of the road. Traffic.

I thought that was kind of fun. I get it. Yeah, definitely. Everybody tried that once or twice. Yeah. Oh, so I wasn't alone? No, no, no. Oh, good.

I mean, you can only murder so many innocent citizens before you want to clean yourself up a little bit and just abide by the laws. Yeah. My favorite thing to do was just to, like, block the highway with big fire trucks and then everybody gathers there. Fire truck? Yeah, and you steal fire truck, steal some stuff. Fire truck! And then you block the highway and then traffic gets all, you know, bunched up. And then you grab the bazooka.

Instant five stars. That's how you do it. And then what do you do with this bazooka? You make a mess of things. Go for the traffic. Oh, man. Yep. She's right.

That's a common one. So fun. Everybody bunch up here right in the middle of the road. Yeah. Okay. Now stay right there. Everything's going to be okay. You're going to be fine.

It's crazy. Baboom! Baboom! Baboom! Yes. It's crazy. It's horrible. In those games. I mean, It's ruined our teenagers.

Just like that, that's the game where you had to eat every once in a while? It depends what mode you play. Could you go to the gym? You go to the gym and get jacked. In one of the versions, that was so dumb. Yeah. Yeah, and one of them you have to like survive. It's dumb.

Don't do that. They call it, I think, like, survival mode or something. Did they admit that that was dumb? That's where they lost me. I was like, I don't want to like go to the gym and go get meals. Wasn't it a gauntlet you needed to eat food? Warrior, need food. Oh.

It was one of those 80s games. I don't recall that one. But I played enough Grand Theft Auto to where I really enjoyed it. And then when they came out with the version where you had to stop by and get a slice of pizza before you had sex with a prostitute, yeah, I thought, this is stupid. And I wasn't alone. No, I think you're right. I think a lot of people are like, this seems kind of like a wasted.

I'm really hungry. And my arms aren't very big. I better go to the gym for a few hours. Yeah, I don't know. What were they smoking when they came up with that? They were trying to make as realistic as possible, I guess, but they oversaw. thought it for sure. You know what they could have used a library so people could learn

during that whole thing too? Get into a book. Maybe go have a nice little spa day. Ashley would agree with that. Hey everybody, gather in the library. Yes. Okay, go ahead. Everybody's fine. I'm just going to lock this door. Yeah, just lock the door for safety. We're going to chain this up really. Are you ready? Yeah, we're going to. Boob! Bobo! Baboom! Babo! B'u! Why are libraries so

tall? See, here's where I need a buzzer. My library isn't tall. It isn't? No. Most of them are. Go ahead. Because they have so many stories. Leds Shepland legend Robert Plant is 78. And he looks pretty good. Yeah, I agree. Oh, wait a minute.

I was thinking a Jimmy Page. Robert kind of looks terrible. Oh, I don't think he looks that bad. It's awful. It's still a look. It's bad. You know who looks a lot different is this next legend? Who's that?

Limp biscuit legend Fred Durst is 56. Didn't even recognize him when I saw a recent photo. Legend of Garbage. Shout out to a couple folks in the trucker division of the Brotherhood. Garbage. Today is fuel holler Jesus is Friday. be off for 10 days going on a trip to Alabama. What the hell?

It's also one of the nicest guys in the Brotherhood, Paperhulling Jesus is Friday. He left Nebraska at 1.30 a.m. And he said he'll be drinking old style by noon. Hell yeah. Another person's Friday. I don't have a Jesus or Jesus name here, but they'd like to shout out their daughter, Miss Kay. She's headed off to college Saturday and will be missed.

It's also Kung Fu Chef Jesus is Friday, sending his middle kid to Fair Banks, Alaska tomorrow for their sophomore year at the University of Alaska Fairbanks. Happy birthday to diesel from your literal bro, fish hooks Jesus. Pudgy Jesus hit up the Luther-Bloom-Bloom-Tax line to say, happy birthday to his daughter Pamela. Happy 29th, bully. Robot leg, Jesus said happy birthday to his total smoke show of a wife, Bailey. And I know for a fact, I miss some shout-outs.

I'll get to those at 9. For whatever reason, today, a ton of shout-outs today. So we'll do the rest of them at 9, and that's 93X News. on the half-assed morning show. Knock it down, knock it down. Oh, oh boy. Didn't need to see that. Poor Adam.

He could possibly be the first bad boy to ever wear a cup. If he wasn't before, he should be now. I should go put one on. You know what they say, Tom? If you don't wear a cup, adoption is an option. Television cameras. Randy Shaver, you're familiar with television cameras. I used to be.

Right? I used to be. Ready there? Hello. Oh, there he is. Hello. Hello. You used to work in the television industry, didn't you, Randy Shed?

Oh, a long time. Decades ago. It has not been decades. Decades. Television cameras showed the bat boy at the Phillies Marlins game take a foul ball grounder to the pills. And what you heard right there was Phillies announced John Cruck reacting to that scene. Can I just say, I watched the video this morning, and the young man, that's an E6.

If he just would have stayed in the dugout and not tried to field it, he would have been just fine. But that's E6 for sure. He embarrassed himself on that play. You know, the cameras were kind to him, like, whoever chooses which, you know, what to put on the screen, they didn't keep going back to it. I thought that was, where they might have if it was a player. a fan. We never saw if he like, you know, if somebody had to help him

off the field and into the dugout, we didn't see any of that. No. Clearly it was E6, and you know, if you're going to feel that poorly, that's going to happen. Went right through his hands, hit him in the bag, Ola. And you heard Kruk there, what did he say?

If you don't wear a cup, adoption is an option. That's the old saying. I'd never heard that before. Baseball took a bad hop and bounced right through his hands and directly into his friggin' sack. They saw it coming, too. I mean, the announcers were trying to tell him, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just let that blow.

Right, exactly. They knew what was going to happen. I'm sure the boys in the clubhouse didn't give them any hell over that. No, not at all. Nobody said a word. Ah, Christ. What else is going on, Randy Schaeber? How are you doing?

I'm doing good. Doing good. It's been a busy week. High school football kicked off on Monday, so I've been out talking to coaches and watching practices. I was wondering if you were slammed right now. Yep, getting ready for another high school football season. Tell folks again where they can find your, what do you call it,

a streaming show or whatever it's called. Yep, Strip Varsity Live is on the Star Trib website on their Strip Varsity High School page. It'll be on YouTube again this year. It'll be free, the entire time. time. Last year it was, I think the first half hour was free and then it was behind a paywall. But this year it'll be all free. Starting September 3rd is our first show at 930 every football night. It's live. It's live. Oh, yeah. It's definitely live. So many things can go wrong, but it's live.

Do you get nervous? You get nervous? You know, I actually don't. Is it because you know nobody's watching? Is that watching? That helps with this radio show. So, yeah, I'm getting excited about high school football. I have a new podcast starting this week with the Star Trib as well for high school football. So, yeah, getting excited. They already started the season. Well, the practice is opened for all the fall sports.

Or there haven't been any regular season games. No, no, not yet. Everyone's starting late this year because of the late Labor Day. Is that correct? That is correct. You are correct. In fact, M-EA week this week, this year is week seven of the high school football season, which is bizarre because usually that marks the end of the regular season,

but not this year because of the late Labor Day. Randy, have you noticed numbers down in high school football? Because I heard that my old school, ECU, they have like 33 kids out for the entire school, grades 9 through 12. Really? Yeah. I've talked to a few. That's bizarre.

Yeah. I'll give you an example. Eidina, which won the state 6A championship last year, I was over there, think it was Monday, their numbers are down. And that's surprising after you win

a state championship. Now, in their situation, specialization at Eidina High School is big, because you've got hockey and you've got baseball. And fall baseball has taken some of the players off of the

football roster. And of course, hockey's a big thing there, too. So there's different reasons why schools' numbers are up and down. But this isn't as much of a big deal as it was a few years ago, but do you feel like there are parents out there who are keeping their children away from football because of the concussion? No, I don't hear any of that at all. That was a hot thing a few years ago, though. No, I don't. And I think the entire football landscape adjusted to all that. There's certainly a lot more knowledge on the subject. You've got trainers. Improvements, probably, too. Not so much that as much as the way that you practice. A lot of that has changed over the years. The physical contact that they used to be in practice back in the day,

there's not nearly as much of that now. What was that drill, things called the Oklahoma Moment drill is basically you line up five feet of another guy and you just run and smash elements as hard as you could. Yeah, there's a lot of that. Well, certainly when I played, it was brutal. I mean, it was full contact. Like usually Tuesdays through Thursdays was full contact practice, which is really kind of unheard of now.

You really don't see much of that anymore. It was kind of interesting to think back at how we would just try to murder each other in practice. Yes. Well, we are teammates here. You know, we need this guy as our quarterback. We need this guy as our running back. But in practice, I tried to disable them as best I could.

I think that still goes on. Yeah. That was the mentality, though. That's really interesting. So what are the kids doing then? Yeah. Well, there's a lot of skill-based practices. There's still contact, but it's a lot more of the wrap-up kind of tackle.

I mean, they're not taking you to lead with your head. anymore. Oh, for sure or not. If they're not playing football or sports, what are they are they doing? Another sport picked up. That's right. To hear a school the size of Egan, I mean, even though, I'm sorry, what? Eastview. Eastview. What town is that in?

It's in Apple Valley. Apple Valley, okay. They've got a fairly big school, nine through twos. To hear that only 33 kids turned out for football, that is incredible. Usually there's 33 kids on the sideline. Right. That's weird. So is it? What do they call it, Josh? Now, the video game, competitive video games.

E-sports? Is that a factor maybe? Randy Shaver? Or is there just another sport that's super popular now? Yeah, I really haven't heard anything about e-sports being a factor in any of that. When I say specialization, I'm talking about kids who decided not to play football because they're doing basketball year-round. Or they're playing hockey year-round.

Or they're playing fall baseball. Right. So they've decided not to play football. to play football, which, you know, at a school like Edina, you can probably get away with it because the numbers are there. But if you were to go to a 3A or a 2A or a 1A school and have that happening, your football program would suffer greatly because they depend on multi-sport athletes playing all those sports. I don't know if this is a factor. It was sent in via the text machine by Tonka-Tig welding Jesus.

Speaking of Adina sports in general, he says, does it factor in at all, Randy Shaver, that adina has a lot of surgically enhanced milfs? I think it has something to do with it. Oh, my God. Just knowing they might be on the sidelines. You're going to do your best. Things change, Randy Shaver.

God knows what the kids are up to these days. That's why they terrify Josh so much. The teenage kids terrify Josh so much because these days, you don't know where they're coming from. No. I've been there, Josh. If I see them, I walk across the street. Back when we were teenage kids, you kind of knew what to expect from us.

We wanted to get drunk. We wanted to get laid, maybe getting a fight or two. Now, I don't know what they're thinking, Josh. They've got to look in their eyes where I don't know what they're thinking. Well, that is something. All right, so the high school football season has begun. People are saying that wrestling, it's kind of the same thing. It's skipped.

They're not doing as much wrestling. The kids aren't wrestling. Huh. A kid by us A couple houses ago for us But he was on the Egan wrestling team And we used to see him running in essentially a space suit On the hottest days of the year

You know just to kind of lean out And get some water weight Drops. Sounds like a good way to develop in a regular heartbeat Or something like that It would be a super hot day And he's running in this big like metal bag Is what it looked like

I don't know what gets into these Friggin' young people All right. By the way, speaking of concussions, we all had one, right? Mm-hmm. I mean, we probably had more than we even know. Yeah. Yeah, I remember mine.

Knocked the piss out of myself. Stupid idea. We decided to tow each other on the ice, don't you know? On a frozen lake, we decided to tow each other across the lake on snowmobiles. While we were just talking about this, while kneeling on a knee board. Oh, my God. That's meant for water, of course. That does sound fun.

Well, we had a bunch of old Milwaukee's in us. Well, I actually, I only had a couple beers, right? Because it was, I think we were on our way home from this cabin party up north. I only had a couple beers because we were on our way out, and I had worn myself out pretty good with the drinking. And it's a good thing that I only had a couple of beers, but also it was a bad thing. So I'm being towed on a kneeboard behind a snowmobile, no helmet, no nothing. Oh, man.

God knows how fast that snowmobile was going. and I lost it and I whacked my head on the ice. I mean, I remember this. I remember instantly grabbing my legs and arms to see if I still had feeling. Because I was convinced I may have paralyzed myself. Well, I could feel all of my extremities. But I knew I took a wicked lick to the Scaldini. Well, I thought, okay, I'll be fine.

I'll just sleep in the back of the car on the way home. Well, that wasn't an option because everyone else had had a dozen beers. So guess who has to drive home now in the middle of the night from Ely to Quiseta? Oh, my God. Holy cow. That's exactly what I felt okay. There's four of everything on the road. I got two guys passed out in the car, totally unable to drive.

I'm driving. It's 1 o'clock in the morning. And all of a sudden, like what you said, Dana, it reminded me of those scenes from Star Wars where they're racing through space and the stars. You know what I'm talking? Yeah. And I felt sick to my stomach. And that was only one concussion.

I know I suffered way more than just one. But that's one where there was nothing I could do. I had to get us home. And that was, I mean, now I think I know, Josh, what it's like to drive on acid and cocaine and meth. I mean, it was like I was tripping balls. But I got us home. Sons of bitches.

Wasn't one of you that could not one of you could stay half sober? You know, I was the only one. All right, you bastards. Go ahead, twins. Let's be dicks about this. Go ahead and sweep one of the best ball clubs in baseball. Yeah. That's fun.

Yesterday, Cody Clemens came up with three RBI. Twins beat the Brave 6'4 to sweep their three game series. He had Brooks Lee also had an RBI single. Kalin Culpepper three hits. Yeah, he's on fire right now. And the bullpen, brother, getting it done. other than Cody Funderberg getting it done. Well, okay, sure.

I'll go along with that. Yeah. Tage Bradley, he was good enough. Still stuck on nine wins. I don't know how many starts he's had where he's had a chance to win his 10th game, but it feels like it's been four or five. It's been a while. But what a great series for the twins.

Yes. day off today, and as I mentioned to the boys earlier, the only negative, now we've got to put up with some miserable late games, a streak of miserable late games. They move on now to play San Diego and then sacmental, so it's going to be a lot of 845 crap, which blows. Yeah, but that's okay because the, you know. It blows from me personally, that's all.

I understand. Some of it's over the weekend, though. That's a little helpful. The San Diego series is over the weekend. That used to be helpful, Randy, But anyway. Well, the twins are in, if the season were to end today, the twins would be the third wild card. They're a half game up on Texas.

They're a full game up on Toronto. They've put some ground between themselves and between themselves at Cleveland, Baltimore, and Detroit. I mean. Let's be absolute pricks about this. They're getting the job done, but there's a long way to go. There's a ways to go. From the Brave series, I thought this was kind of funny. Aaron Gleiman, baseball writer, Twins, posted.

I walked past the family of Braves fans. Oh, excuse me just start that one over. I walked past the family of Braves fans posing for a photo with a 1991 World Series trophy after the game. It's little things in life, you know? Yeah, exactly. Hey, Josh, while we were talking about youth sports, oh, a listener texted in who went to Edina High School,

and he wanted to tell us about, his athletic background. He said the sport that he excelled at was getting bullied by the football players. I shouldn't laugh at that, but that's a funny text. Here's the reason why I read it. He sent along a smiling face with tears and whatnot. That's good, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's good? He's laughing so hard, he's crying. He lettered in getting bullied by the football players. Randy Schaber, this just goes to show you. You never know what you're going to get. Last year, Seattle Mariners catcher, Cal Raleigh, old pantload. What do they call them again?

Big Dumber. Big Dumpur. Pant load. What the hell? Last season, Cal Raleigh was one of baseball's best hitters. 60 dongs. Yeah. 125 runs batted in.

MVP candidate. Runner up to Dinkus there from the Yankees for American League MVP. And this is not news to anyone who follows baseball, but there was an article yesterday that said he's hit absolute rock bottom. He is hitting 156 in 391 plate appearances. He cannot get right to save his big fat round ass. It's-ball can be a weird game. It's unbelievable.

He's batting seventh in the batting order after being an MVP candidate, just a year earlier than that. It's one of the reasons why Seattle is seven games under 500 and not in the playoff picture right now. So despite all the talent that they have on that team, they just cannot put it together. Yeah, amazing. Amazing. Poor bastard.

Oh, another anniversary today. A baseball anniversary, 52 years ago. 19 and 74 Nolan Ryan who was then pitching for the California Angels became the first major league pitcher well

maybe you put a little asterisk next to this because the speed gun wasn't always available as we know but 1974 on this date Nolan Ryan was the first pitcher to have a fastball clocked at over 100 miles per hour

in 70s. that must have scared the balls off of the boys. Oh, yeah. Well, I think most players knew his fastball was in that range. Oh, yeah. But that just proved it. And that was a big deal. I do actually remember when they started clocking pitches back in the mid-70s.

I was like in, I don't know, 10th grade, something like that. That was a big deal. Yeah, I bet it was. Because I can remember us going out. Made all the papers, I bet. Yeah, I can remember going out in the driveway with buddies, and we would throw the ball trying to figure out how fast we could throw kind of stuff. Yeah.

What's the top score you ever got on the speed gun over there at the county fair, Randy Schaeber? You get up into the 70s? Probably 70s, maybe. That seems pretty good to me. I was a knuckleball specialist, Nick. I didn't throw many four seamers. It wasn't about the velocity or velo, as they repeatedly say on baseball. You could get some movement on that baseball.

I tried to make it dance. I'd be curious about that. I've never been able to get mine to go forward, but if I did, I wonder how fast it would go. You know, yesterday we got some text messages coming in. Yesterday we talked about if we could. if we could eliminate a couple of professional franchises, who would they be from football, baseball, basketball, hockey. We had fun with that.

And then things turned kind of a, there was a dark turn to the conversation where we said maybe on today's show, we'll talk about people that we would happily eliminate. And our guy, Brad Ryder, seemed very excited about the idea of discussing people that we wanted to eliminate. Now, a listener named Brian texted in and said, well, where the hell is Brad to talk about his death list. Well, Brian, you should know that, coincidentally, Brad, Brad died. Oh, no. Yeah. He was on somebody's death list. Yeah. Oh, no. Knicks. Yeah, I had to. Brad can't get him tickets anymore, so what good is he? You can't come on the air when you're dead, so sorry. Wow. No, he's fine. He just, probably asleep. Oh, by the way, speaking of checking out, boy, I bit this guy had a few bucks in his pocket.

93 years old, guy checked out. He went by the name of Bill Rasmussen. He's the guy who came up with the idea for ESPN. Yes. He, along with his son, Scott, who just doesn't get it, does he? His son, Scott. Just don't get it to you, you just don't. Bill Rasmussen, along with his son, Scott, who I'm guessing is no kid either.

They famously came up with the idea for ESPN while stuck in, traffic, they thought, what about a 24-hour sports channel? What about this and that? And by God, it worked out for the Rasmussen family. Oh, zip it. It's one thing to come up with the idea. It's another thing to put it into action. I mean, that's pretty amazing what it turned out to be, because it changed the landscape, not just for sports fans, but also for the cable TV industry. I mean, it helped change that as well. And also, isn't it funny how your fortunes can change if you are lucky and smart,

one little idea can change everything and make you filthy, disgusting rich, like the dude who came up with the, uh, the, the telephone or the two guys who invented the 69 position. I don't know. You have an idea. You just have a little idea. You change the world. It changed the frigging world.

Randy's right, though. It's one thing to have the idea. It's the other thing to execute. When I was a kid, I'd want to go to Blockbuster every day before I met driver's license. And I'd ask my parents, they'd be like, no, no, no. I'm like, gosh, what if what a video source could just deliver? You could tell them what movie you wanted and they just brought it to your house. How cool would that be?

and then somebody also had that idea and they're very rich now. You're referring to Netflix. They also dominated in streaming. They're one of the first to do. Are you telling us you are the true godfather of Netflix? I am. My God. Well, if we can claim that, a buddy of mine's dad came up with the floby.

He was cutting our hair with essentially a floby where he would use the clippers, hook it up to a vacuum hose, and a little mess. He came up with that, didn't get a dime off. He would give you guys your butt cut in the summer? Pretty much. Yeah. You think the 69 guys made a lot of money, though, huh? Oh, my damn.

Like residuals? I mean, we're still talking about it today, are we not? How much money do you think you owe them? The two 69 guys? Yeah, let's say it's a dollar or a 69. Ooh. I'll get them into a Vikings game. Oh, that's pretty good.

Cost of a concert ticket, maybe. I could probably get them a bag of Doritos out of a vending machine or something. Yeah, oh, yeah, they're, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, They raked in the bucks in a big way when they came up with that six, nine. Links beat the Valkyries last night for the ninth or tenth time in a row. They have that team's number. Right. The Golden State Valkyrie.

I understand, though, Lynx Guard MVP caliber player Olivia Miles. On our cool list of local athletes. Who was absolutely on our cool list. She left the game with an injury. I think I have that correct. That is correct. They're a little worried. Yeah, I haven't seen an update on what the prognosis is,

but she did leave the game. It did not come back. So. They play at the Washington Ball Club tomorrow night. The Mystics. Is that what they're called? The Washington Mystics. So we're a little worried about Olivia Miles.

By the way, she has received another accolade. She's the WNBA Western Conference Player of the Week. This is the second time in her brief career that the league gave her the nod on the player of the week in the Western Conference. I mean, again, the stats are just, she goes out there and shoot. It's, you know, 14 for 16, things like that. It's just insane. So there you go.

Congratulations. I hope you're doing all right, Olivia, Miles, because you're on our cool list. Kind of weird scheduling. They play in Golden State. Then they have to travel to Washington, D.C. Do I have that right? Yes. I mean, from one coast to the other in two days, that's...

And it's by bus also. That's bizarre. Jackie Moon is sitting up at the front of the bus, and he's reminding everyone, everyone. That schedule maker did them no favors. That is not... No, that sucks.

Not good. I think that's a road game, Washington. It is. That's what I'm saying. They had a road game in San Francisco, and two nights later, you got a road game in D.C. That's not nice. What?

That's not nice. And this is incorrect. People are texting in saying, Randy Brewer invented the 69 position. Randy Brewer did a lot of... That's a callback to a joke we were playing around with months ago. Former Golden Gopher and Jimber Wolf Center, he didn't know. He's done a lot of wonderful things in his life.

Oh, man. What sex act, Nick, do you think you would have to spend the most money on? Not to it. Let me rephrase that because, I mean, I made it sound like you were going to go to the prospect. Like if you had to pay residuals for the amount of times you've had one particular sex act, and I'm wondering if it would surprise me. It was choking each other unconscious. Oh, sure.

Yeah. I owe him a lot of dough. I've heard good things. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of stories and a lot of funerals. Choking each other out cold. That's my specialty. All right, we got something here.

Oh, we can go back to youth sports here real quick. Something here from a football game played by junior high school age kids. And again, I got to go off on this. You frigging lucky prick kids these days. You got it so good when it comes to youth football. Back when we were playing football in junior high school, no team ever threw the ball more than maybe twice a game because all of our lame-ass boring coaches,

all they wanted to do is focus on running the ball and fundamentals and teamwork and all that garbage. It is different. Junior high kids these days, they're throwing the ball 20 times a game. lucky peckerheads. But that's not why I brought you here. But I had to blow my stack again over that.

I blame our coaches. They were boring. Check this video out, if you like. Junior high-age kids playing organized football. They're playing back and forth. They're doing what you'd normally see in a football game. There was some pushing and shoving going on between players. And this game was played in Tennessee, if that matters at all to you.

push it and shoving going on between players, and I'll be damned. One of the players' girlfriends, a 16-year-old gal, she jumped down out of the bleachers, ran onto the ball field to defend her man, or not quite a man yet, he's a kid. Was that it? Okay, I was trying to, I just assumed it was a sister. I couldn't find the relationship, so it was a girlfriend. That's what I understand.

I could be wrong. Comes out onto the field, and she knocked a dude on his ass, and then she just upped and walked away. The opposing coach I thought was going to murder her. He had to be held back. He made an ass out of himself. He really did. I mean, I understand you're upset in the moment, but he could have calmed down pretty quick.

I've never seen that before. Gail comes out on the field, knocks one of the dudes on his ass, and says, keep your hands off my boyfriend. They had to close the game down early. It was a blowout, so no one was too heartbroken over that. The gals expected to be charged in juvenile court with disorderly conduct and assault. Her folks were at the ball game. Who knows how they reacted to this?

the incident. She came out and she... I think if your dad, you just kind of turn, walk away, pretend you didn't see anything. She settled it, Cubby. She shut it down. Yeah. She knocked that kid.

She looked upset, that's for sure. I kind of like your stuff. I guess those two guys were going back and forth all game and she had enough. Yeah. I heard it was a boyfriend, girlfriend thing. I could be wrong. I mean, shoot, can you imagine being a middle schooler and you're dating a 16-year-old? Wow.

Well, you could be a 15-year-old in middle school, right? But even so. I mean, she's an older woman. Yeah, older woman. Well, maybe she's 16 and in the seventh grade. I don't know. It is tennis. Very possible.

I don't know. There's a couple of things that most football fans know about A couple of things that most football fans know about Detroit Lions head coach Dan Campbell. One, there's nothing he loves more than going forward on fourth down when most coaches would punt. And he's the type of fella who comes. consumes is how you say it. He drinks an assload of caffeine in a day. We learned that a year or two ago.

Yeah. I mean, dangerous amount. Yes. Here's him talking about it. Was it last year or a couple years ago? Normally what I do is I get two Vinti. I go to Starbucks of the pipe with two shots in them. So black eye and both.

That's what I come in with. That's how I start the day. No, I don't speak that language. What did he say? I think Venti's large. It's like two large. coffees with some espresso shots in them to make them even more caffeinated. Okay.

It sounds like what the hell is his name again? Not Glenn Campbell. Dan. Dan Campbell. Yeah, he has this Glenn Campbell. He's the rhinestone coach. I'm walking the streets alone. Different skill sets.

Yes. What a glorious song, by the way, Reinstone Campbell. I know. It's great. Dan Campbell has cleaned up his act a little bit when it comes to his caffeine intake. It says now he has cut. he's cut it in half for the most part. He said one of the team doctors or something pulled him aside and said, look, this is ridiculous. You're going to have a frigging heart attack or something.

You're going to go into, you're going to have a stroke from caffeine intake. So he said he's not a gallon a day anymore. It's a half a gallon. But then I know nothing about this, but people commented on the article and said, that's still an incredible amount of caffeine, a half a gallon. Yeah. So what do you think? Is his head just going to explode on the sideline or what?

I mean, he does seem kind of amped up. Yeah, he does. He must have something to do with it. Isn't that, though, I mean, these coaches work almost 24-7 during the season. Part of that, I think, is just to be able to maintain the pace of what they do as coaches. I'm sure you're right. They're always there. They're always working.

I thought I read somewhere where the Seattle head coach basically, sees his family a half an hour a week or something bizarre like that. Lucky bastard. Yeah. But I mean, that's kind of the price that some of these guys they pay for all that. Dick Vermil was famous for sleeping on the couch in his office during the football season and never going home because he was always working and looking at film and meetings and things like that. Dick for Meal. You know what cracked me up about Dick for a meal? And then he cry about it. A good card trick would lead him to tears.

Yes. Dan Campbell's kind of the same way. Oh, is he a crier? Very emotional. I didn't know that. Dick for Meal, just life was so beautiful. Yes. For Dick for Meal that like a little kid would walk past him holding a balloon and Dick Vermeal would have to take a knee and cry for a half of it. Everything was so beautiful. That's true. Okay, Randy Shaver. from Defector.com.

How about the Green Bay Packers edition of the Why Your Team Sucks preview for the upcoming 20 and 26 miserable national football league season? When did we do the Vikings version? Yesterday, day before? A couple days ago? A couple days ago.

This one is Drew McGarry. This time it is our guy, Drew McGarry, writing it up for Defector. Okay. We always have to, at least, blow through the Vikings and the Packers version of why your team sucks. Again, they always start with this statement. Some people are fans of the Green Bay Packers, but many, many more are not.

This 20 and 26 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. So I set aside some highlights from the article that I thought you'd enjoy. Green Bay Packers fans, you slovenly effing, Curd slurps. Curd slurps. That's the best twist on the whole cheese curd thing I've ever heard. That's kind of played out at this point. Friggin' curd slurps.

The 20 and 25 Packers started out as a juggernaut. Everyone crowned their ass because the football media because the football media love the Packers more than they love their own children. Every NFL analyst at ESPN asked Matt Lafleur for his hand in marriage. Green Bay has been to the playoffs 12 times in the last 15 years, and the Packers have precisely Dick to show for it. Swap their helmets out for the chargers,

and you wouldn't know the difference. Packers' GM Brian Gutakunst and head coach Matt LaFleur have been just a dozen excuses away from winning multiple. titles. Just picturing Packers fans disgust me. All of them are spiritually 80 years old and drive a rascal scooter. They all wear orthopedic sandals showcasing feet that have an extra knuckle on every toe. Then they sit around all day, breathing our precious American oxygen as they cram pub cheese into every available orifice before waddling to the bathroom

to stage a 40-minute bowel movement that looks like someone spray-painted the toilet with Nutella. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, no. I'd imagine there's somebody right now putting down some Nutella toast. I'm just not going to finish that. And you want me to think this team

is cute somehow? Never. The Packers could cure cancer and I'd still want them hit by an asteroid. Oh, boy. F that team. F their fans. F. Lafleur, F. Love,

and F Brent F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. welfare check. Die. That's it? Yeah. Now, if you follow this gimmick, the defector why your team sucks season preview, you know that fans can comment.

And here are a couple of comments from Packer fans after reading what I just served up for you. one Packer fan said our chances of winning a Super Bowl with Jordan Love are about as believable as Karen Rogers' wife being a real person. Oh my God. Oh, my God. And another one said, can't wait to watch us win 11 to 13 games this season and then step on a rake in January. I like that slogan. step on a rake. He's good, that Drew McGarry.

Yeah, sure is. Talented guy. Angry guy. He can be. By talent. Ah. Oh, God, no, Randy Schaver. The World Badminton Championship has run into some trouble.

But it sounds like they have a solution. By the way, in the mid-80s at Wiesetto West Junior High School, yes. There was no team. duo, whatever they want to call it. There was no pair that could top me and Big Al at Badminton. The man could smash a shuttlecock. Me, Big Al, both of us could.

No one could beat us, Cubby. I love that. I mean, that's a fun game. I've got a thing for racket sports. I can get it done. Anyway, at the World Badminton Championship, they've had problems with monkeys. Where the hell do they play this? A town called New Delhi. Where the hell?

Where's that? India. Okay. They got problems with monkeys running into the building. They swipe your drink out of your hand. They in your hair. They throw babies off a roof. Sometimes they'll grab your babies.

Oh, gosh. Not even kidding. So what they've done now, to keep this madness to a reasonable level, they have hired monkey whisperers to work the badmint. championship. So the monkey that they worry about so much over there is called a macaw. Is that how you say it, Josh? A macaw?

They're the ones who steal babies and whatnot. The macaw monkey has a natural predator, another type of monkey known as the Languor. So these monkey whisperers hang around the badminton arena, and they imitate the call of the Languor monkey. They can do a perfect little like a I don't know what a land. So the monkey whisperers can make that call of the langur and then the marquee

however I said it, the macaw monkeys go oh Christ, we got to get and then they run for their lives. So that's the system they have to keep the monkey violence down at the somebody's job to just do that all day. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Not a bad gig.

And you get to watch the world's greatest badminton players for a week or so. Some of the monkey whisperers say that they've been bitten in past tournaments by aggressive monkeys. And they say this. Now, Josh, remember this. If you and your family, you're a traveling man now, you and your family go on vacations and whatnot. Two under our belt. If you ever go to New Belly? New Delhi.

You ever go to New Delhi? Remember this. If you get bit by a monkey, they say a good treatment for that bite is chili powder on the The wound. Oh, really? Maybe some lime juice, too? Your face right there was... That sounds like I would have to sting like a bastard.

I can't even imagine. You ever been bitten by any kind of a primate, Randy? I have not. Chili powder. Mm. Mm-hmm. Biting ever come into play with maybe some residuals you'd owe somebody? You mentioned choking, some other things?

There have been... There have been moments. A little gnawing Where you just got to bite somebody Sideways, yeah You have told some stories Just, you know Just break the skin just a little

Just a little Ashley knows what I'm talking about Yeah Yeah, Ash Stay out of that, Ash Randy C-FH baseball Jesus said monkey whisperer

I think a sharpshooter Would be more Yeah Well, they don't want monkey brains All over the badminton court You know what I mean? They've got to be, I'm sure, outside the arena. Maybe there's some snipers in, what do they call it in the military?

A crow's next, the eagle's nest. Yeah, they probably got a few fellers up there. Yeah, it's the badminton world championship, Randy. Can you guess how a few people suggested you punish a monkey? I think we should skip it because it's too easy. Too easy. You want to say it bad, don't you? Very bad.

Oh. Just put some chili powder on my face. So stop. Or just bite me a little bit. Just bite down a little. Oh, I'd like that. All right, Randy Shaver. We're going to put a lid on this nonsense.

All right. Sounds good. And tomorrow we'll be a Friday and we'll go for it all over again. Sounds good. Thank you, my friend. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off.

That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The U.S. Soccer podcast.

I'm your host, Megan Klingeberg. And after interviewing so many dudes during this men's World Cup, I'm so happy to be back with my U.S. women's national team players. I know the U.S. men's national team has changed how I think about myself, how I think about being an American, how I think about being. being on a team. It's one year out from that World Cup, and we're going to talk about the brightest prospects in U.S. soccer.

You ready? I'm ready. Let's do it. The U.S. soccer podcast presented by Henko. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Well, I'll be Thursday. We got a great crowd. And it's Thursday here on the 93X-Hafass Morning Show.

Back to school, huh? Is it time to go back to school yet? It's getting there. Yep. Some are back, I think. Oh, yeah. How close? How close for my godson, less importantly, your natural born son?

Far less importantly. I think, is it next week? So during the fair. That's a weird thing, right? No, it's the 31st. So that's during the fair. And that's an oddity, right? Usually school never starts before the fair is over, right?

Just the last couple of years it started before Labor Day. And maybe it's happened at other schools before, but that was new for us. One of the only ones I know about that still have that wait until after Labor Day is the U. them but that's because they literally have to back to stinking school suck it up you ungrateful bastards now i'm not much for all the cutesy kid stuff but i'm going to go ahead anyway usually when someone starts up a cutesy story about something their kids said or did i try to bury my head in a hole somewhere because i don't care but i'm going to go ahead anyway because i know some of you's love that kind of thing. Teachers all around the great United States of America have been sharing

the notes that they've confiscated or just simply found in their classrooms. Notes that one kid was trying to pass to another. Back in the day, Josh, did you pass a note or two in gym class to make sure that Donnie will then pass that note to Missy so she knows that you think she's cute and you want to go with her? Yeah. Are you interested? Circle yes or no. It's classic.

It's timeless. I hope the kids still do that. I'm sure they don't. I don't need to. They can just get on Snapchat or something. Well, I have proof that maybe they still do here. Passing notes back and forth. Oh, yeah, you know, one of my best pals from way back starting in grade school

saved some of the notes that his ninth grade girlfriend would pass to him during school, eighth, ninth grade. It's hilarious. Just the nonsense. You know, what are you doing? I'm in Ms. Chabroni's class right now, and it's so boring. Did you watch Family Ties last night? It's just, you know, but he saved some of them,

and it's riotously funny to read them now. So anyways, you should know a lot of these are tiny little kids, for the most part, grade school kids. Teachers shared their cute little notes. with the godless internet. Starting with, and bear with me with some of this, because it's very difficult for me to read, even with my glasses on.

Because these kids have piss poor penmanship when they're nine. So some of this might be a little painful. So again, notes being passed back and forth in grade school. Teachers shared them with the world. Starting with this kid, whose handwriting leads me to believe that he's very young. and the note that he wrote, I don't know who was it was meant for,

but the note simply says, I fart all the time. We got a story similar to this and the stupid news tomorrow. I'm looking forward to you telling. You're looking forward to telling you. You're telling it. Yeah, you having to tell us.

Oh, in the stupid news. I fart all the time. Anybody else want to go along with that? Ashley, you're an awful question. I'm good. I feel like I'm pretty regular. She's a little silent but violent right over there. All right.

Next little note from one grade school kid to another. I noticed you've been watching me because I've been watching you too. And as you know, I always say, the girl with the biggest ass ain't going never pass. if that's not enough come to my house at 3 o'clock in the morning I'm going to leave the door open for you nothing creepy about that

I mean look at this kid's handwriting he's probably I don't know you tell me you know kids Josh I'm going to guess this kid is 8 well I was going to guess older actually oh really yeah well maybe I know nothing about children's handwriting ability I was going to guess this might even have been like high school

what well that ruins the bit then doesn't it I was picturing an eight-year-old kid who's dumping the slogan, what is it again? The girl with the biggest ass, I ain't never going to pass. Dear Mrs. Gibroni. This, now I'm fairly convinced this is a tiny little kid, but at this point maybe I've proven that I don't know. Dear Mrs. Gibroni, do you like watching TV or what?

Are you... Aggressive. Are you lonely? I could live with you. Oh, that's nice. That one definitely looks like a little kid. Crush on a teacher. Go.

Oh, definitely. Oh, 100%. From kindergarten on, there's a handful of them. Mine wasn't until, like, middle school. Yeah, he was a middle school math teacher. I was absolutely in love with him. Was he quite young? Yeah, he was.

For the teaching position? Yeah. Now looking back, he's probably in like his late 20s, early 30s. Of course, at the time, I probably thought he was older than that, but he looked better than all the other teachers, I thought. Did you ever pass him a note? Did you ever flirt? Oh, gosh, no. I did actually, in high school, there was a TA for one of my classes. I can't remember. Hi, I would lay it down. What is a TA? A teacher assistant. So usually like somebody that is, yeah, like going to college to become a teacher. So they have to sit in, get a certain amount of hours.

and I tried to lay it on thick with him. Like, I even have, like, I went back on my Instagram not too long ago, and I still have the picture. Like, I made him take a selfie with me once. Looking back, though, I don't know. I think he was kind of entertaining it a little bit. Oh, really? He was thinking about it.

I think so. That's creepy. It is. But hilarious. Yeah. This wasn't fair to us, but the hottest teacher in school was the one that taught sex ed. Oh, that ain't right. I mean, it certainly got people to pay attention.

Yeah. So there was a lot of heat over there at the Catholic school you mentioned from the word go you had a lot of crushes yeah uh no hold on that was very confusing my reaction um not a lot of heat but just from what was there she was the hottest i mean i i had a crush on her but i bet you know you know you're not that hot but when you consider what i've got to choose from yeah it sounds worse than i mean it but right she was the hottest teacher there and she taught sex ed maybe because she was the youngest that must have did you feel a little funny absolutely yeah you felt real funny and you know we're all

making jokes. And that didn't go over very well at Catholic school. Got a little bit of trouble a couple of times. We had a home-act teacher in middle school who she had just graduated college, fresh out of college, and she was just absolutely smoking hot. And on Thursdays, or on Fridays, excuse me, she'd come in a lot of times on Friday, she said, hey, Ms. Johnson isn't feeling well. We're just going to watch a movie today.

And that happened most Fridays. Then we realized, oh, she was probably hung over every Friday. That's why she would put her head. down on the desk and put a movie on for us. Definitely. What did, Jesus said, the Catholic school that you look for, what you look for, excuse me, is

that sister who's showing the most ankle. She's the wild one there. You damn right. Now, I'm not trying to sound mean, but from the word go, kindergarten all the way through 12 skis, there wasn't a lot

of heat. Ah, darn. With the exception for me personally, I did have a stinking crush on my fifth grade teacher. And I've told you before that one day as class ended and every other kid was allowed to leave, I was told to stay. And we had a face-to-face conversation, she and I, where she told me that I need to stop looking down her shirt. And I was 1,000% guilty of that.

Re-immortified, I would have been. You know, Josh, I don't really remember in the moment. I don't really remember how I reacted to it. I remember all those moments. But she was right. She was stacked and she left a couple of buttons undone. And, of course, when you're a grown person teaching little kids, whatever we learned in fifth grade, she did a lot of bending over to show you.

And I was absolutely, I was captured. I could not stop looking down her shirt and she called me out on it. Did that change your behavior just in life general? No, no, no. I was a problem in that department. I should mention the sex ed teacher was not a nun. I think she might have been the only one who was, one or two maybe. Well, I didn't even consider that.

I keep forgetting about the Catholic school background, which was torturous for you. I forgot, yes, your teachers were nuns mostly. A few of them, yeah. A little over half, probably. Oh, I thought for sure. But not all of them. I guess I'm only basing my knowledge on the movies. We're at a Catholic school every damn one of them is.

I could see why. Me too. I remember I got scolded by a teacher, probably about fifth grade. as well, where I used to get so excited to go to recess, you know, they'd have us go to the bathroom first, and then I would run out and I'd still be zipping up because I just wanted to go out to recess. It was never long enough, right? Yeah. And I got yelled, and I was so, I was mortified.

Like, I kind of felt like I was really doing something terribly wrong. I didn't realize it at the time that it was an issue. I'd done it forever. But to this day, sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night and cringe about that. Oh, Josh, right on there's little Josh legs, dong, still kind of hanging over his Superman on these. Oh, man. I'll tell you, you know, back to crushes on our teachers, I'll tell you right now, I was there, hanging out at a bar with one of my pals who is a retired teacher now. And a young lady approaches him and says, Mr. Gibroni.

And he says, yeah. And she says, it's me, Missy. You taught me, whatever, 10 years ago. And he says, oh, my God, of course, yes, Missy. How are you? Oh, I'm doing this and I'm doing that. She had a lot of drinks in her. She was loaded.

And so they, you know, they exchange pleasantries. And then she says, you know, back in the day when you were my teacher, I absolutely was. in love with you. I was in lust with you. I fantasized about you every day. And she says, here's the deal. I'm a big girl now. I'm not a kid. My goodness. And if she basically said, I'm not directly quoting, but she basically said, fulfill one of my fantasies. Let's get it smooth on. Me and you, baby. Come on. He couldn't have run out of there any faster. I've got a very similar story with buddy of mine, English teacher,

and we were at a bar, and a girl came up to him and was like, hey, you know, we've always had that connection. You know, like they had some sort of love for each other in high school, and she's like, I always kind of wonder where that went. It was incredibly uncomfortable, because especially how my buddy is. So he had to be, I can't say in that position of Dick, but he had to be very firm. Like, no, we did not.

We've never had a connect. And I think partly he's trying to defend it. fend himself in front of the rest of us. It was so uncomfortable. That's so weird, dude. And unlike your situation, I don't think if she was drunk, she handled it well. My pal ran away from the situation and, you know, came back 10 minutes later and the coast was clear.

She had left. And he says to me, did you hear that? I said, absolutely. I heard every word of it. And I said, do it, you bastard. You got to do it. He said, no. He wouldn't do it.

All right. back to these cutesy notes that teachers are sharing, notes that they confiscated are found in their classroom, and a lot of them are very young kids. This is a note that a teacher confiscated where one little kid said to the other, Hey, Kyle, your mom called, she wants her panties back. That's pretty funny. All right, again, you have to bear with me because the handwriting is so terrible.

Okay, okay, I got it. This is from a little girl, and she says, Sean, I am breaking up with you. Oh. You have not, does this not sound like third or fourth grade? You have not talked to me since the day you asked me out. I'll do it. That was three months ago. Oh, my God.

She gave it quite a bit of time there, didn't she? She's a patient person. He says, will you go with me? She says yes. He doesn't say a word to her for three months And then she breaks up with her She gave it three months Okay

You have not talked to me since the day you asked me out That was three months ago You need to get it together Or you will never get married And that would be sad You should get married Just not to me From Rachel

And by the way she spelled get in the sentence Get Married GIT She had trouble with Mary as well. Oh, did she? Yeah. I didn't notice.

Oh, yeah. She spelled married. I get it. Good eyes, Cubby. She spelled married. M-A-R-E-E-D. She spelled quite a few things wrong. Oh.

I guess a good thing I'm not a teacher. Yeah. I only spotted one. Terrible effort here. Terrible effort made by a kid named Ronnie who handed this note to his teacher and his handwriting is terrible. Dear Mrs. Gibrony. Ronnie can bring his PSP to class all the time. He has my permission.

I am his mom and what I say goes from Ronnie's mom. That's excellent. Beautiful. That's exactly how she would sign it. This is still a thing. This was a note that was confiscated. And this is a damn near grown kid. Piece of paper says, will you go to prom with me with three boxes?

And you have to check one of them. Yes, no, or maybe. Will you go to prom with me? Yes, no, or maybe. And when this note was found, the gal hadn't answered yet. She didn't check any of the boxes. So it still happens. Kind of troubling that a kid that age would have to use the check-the-box system

in order to ask a girl out to prom. But I don't know. So is her own bra. She's just sent one note that she says the best ever. And it's another one of those check-the-boxes one. It says, are you childish? yes or no, and in the no box, instead of checking it, someone drew a penis, and they made no say knob. They turned the word no into knob and drew a penis in the checkbox.

Finally here, and then we've got to take a break. Finally, here's a kid with no regrets. A kid by the name of Brady. He wrote a note to his pal, Liam. Brady says, Mr. Brony made me write you this note. All I want to say I'm sorry for is not being sorry because I tried to feel sorry, but I don't.

Oh, my God. Like his honesty. They used to make us do that. Give it to them straight, man. Oh, yeah. Tell them how you feel. What's that? We used to have to apologize if something happened.

When there was a squabble in school, you'd have to write your classmate an apology letter. Yeah, big apology. And then it turned into, it was so weird in middle school, especially during or amongst all the girls, if you got in like a fight with a girl and you were, you know, in trouble for it, like they caught you like cursing out in the hallway or whatever and you're talking to a counselor, they would have like the other girl come in and be like, you guys need to like make up. I always thought that was so stupid because it's like, I,

okay, I'll just not be a D bag to her and at school. Like I won't, I won't come at her life. But like, why do we have to be friends? It was so awkward. They were. would just like force you to become friends. They wanted good vibes. It's so weird. Like, I hate this bitch. I'm going to hate her after this. They can't allow it to spill out onto the playground.

Yeah. Got to settle it now. Okay, we've got to take a break. We'll be back in a couple of minutes. Oh, wow, man. Wait a second, man. What do you think the teacher's going to look like this year? We got to talking about hot teachers.

Did we have crushes on our teachers? Yeah, a few of us did Does your wife ever talk about that, Dana? She's a teacher. Any of the kids come on to her? Well, she teaches second grade, so. Are you at the school in general? No.

They probably still call her mom on a teacher in kindergarten. Did you? Yeah. Did you ever call the teacher mom, Josh? I could see you doing that in the next thing. That's funny, Ashley, you mentioned that. That was a problem. Kids always did.

Oh, that was, your day was over at that point. You got laughed at for the rest of the day. You're not kidding. Girls usually got away with that. We got to talking about the hot teachers and the crushes we had upon them. Oh, this is kind of a sad story here, Josh. A listener texted in to say, the first crush I ever had, first teacher I ever had a crush on, moved to the Philippines. Kind of right after I met her.

He said, you know, that's a lot for a first grader. Yeah. That's a lot for a first grader to hand up. until he finally falls in love and she moves away to the Philippines. One of our listeners texted in to say his 11th grade teacher was a missile. He said multiple times a week, her thong underwear would pop out the back of her jeans and it would drive us crazy. Yikes. Wow, I don't know if we ever had a teacher like that.

He said today, the two of them are Facebook friends. How about this from carpentry, carpentry? Jesus, Carpentree Jesus. He said, does it count if I've had crushes on my kids' teachers? Because they're built different these days. Boy, I'll tell you what, there's some parent-teacher conferences where

the dads always showed up. Yeah. A couple of teachers over the years. Yeah, that makes sense. A couple of my girlfriends are teachers, and I'm like, that is great. They're a lot hotter and a lot younger than I remember my teacher's band. So the dads are there early and they stay late. Oh, man. I'll tell you, I think it was

when my daughter was in first grade and they have the, you know, tour of the school deal, there was a couple dads that could not stop talking about her teacher. Really? You're going to volunteer in class. They're going to be the most involved they'd ever been. Field trip, I don't care if it's 100 kids, and I'm the only chaperone. I'm doing it. You're not kidding.

Crush is on your kids, teachers. Oh, I bet that's common as all hell, carpentry Jesus. Don't feel funny about that. You're only human. Now, the other side of the coin, a listener texted in to say, At my school, there was not one teacher you'd want to see without a snowmobile suit on. Ah, that sucks. It can happen.

That's kind of how it was for us. I mean, aside from that fifth grade teacher whose boobs I was infatuated with, there was really nothing there to drive us while. It was very average-looking people from one end of the school system to the other that I can remember. Even so, you didn't have a crush on them? I mean, sometimes you just did no matter what. My only crush was probably that fifth grade teacher. Other than that, from fifth all the way through, no, nothing.

Dana, people are texting on saying dad crushes on their second grade teachers. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, then maybe they do then. But I was more curious if she ever came home and said, boy, there's a kid here. I've got to tell to chill out. No, nothing like that so far. Adam doesn't piss me off anymore, Jesus.

He texted in. And maybe Adam doesn't piss him off anymore, but he still has a thing. thing or two to say about Adam. He texted in to say Adam hit on his teacher all the time. He was homeschooled. What a racket. Teaching. Summer's off. Anyway, before we go, I did also receive this subject on a totally different matter. Someone wanted to know, what's the Hogbauer Automotive News from yesterday? Hogbauer Automotive, Third Avenue and Main Street. Hello, Tiny, hello, Donnie. and thank you for sponsoring our show every day. People wanted to know what's the Hogbauer news from yesterday.

Oh, thank you for asking. I think we did bring it up at this time. Well, maybe. The podcast died. Some people missed it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why these questions are coming in. Oh, well, F me running sideways.

The Hogbauer Automotive News is that coming up at this year's State Fair, if you stop by our merch booth broadcast scene, whatever the hell we call it these days, if you stop by the 93X tent at the fair, we will be selling two different Hogbauer automotive t-shirts. Half the money goes to the Half Fast Morning Show. The other half goes to Hogbauer. Two different Hogbauer automotive t-shirts will be for sale. And they're good-looking.

I really do like them. They got the slogan on the back. The slogan says it's not how much. It's how much you got. A couple different color styles. I really think it's going to be a hot item. So thank you. That's the news that maybe you heard us reverend.

referencing yesterday and then didn't get a chance to hear because the podcast died. Yeah, hopefully people like him as much as we do. They're great. Yeah, those are really good. I'm very proud of them. And also a brand new half-ass morning show, Ball Cap. That came out better than I thought it was. Never had one of those before, a half-ass morning show ball cap.

There's a couple people asking to it as a Richardson, so I know that matters to a lot of people. I know my husband's psyched that it's a Richardson hat, so. It does mean a lot to me, too, Ashley, because those are the only style of adjustable hats that will fit my massive oversized skull. They're great hats. They killed it. It worked for you. They do good work over there by damn. All right, we ought to shut her down and prepare for a total F-off program tomorrow.

This is going to take a little bit here. A lot of shout-outs. Today's a big one for some reason. Happy 40th birthday to Stock Car Racing Jesus from your smoking hot wife, racer-chaser, Jesus. Late a birthday shout out to Mosh Crusher Jesus from Denver. Jesus who says, let's ride. Checkerboard bands Jesus text a huge shout out to his daughter on the road to college in Chicago with a full tank of gas and a half pack of cigarettes.

Another college shout out to Ashland, who's off to college in O'Clair this Sunday from Mom and Dad already bawling, Jesus. You could only get into O'Clair, huh? Fun-sized Jesus says, happy fourth official anniversary to the guy who's chosen to put up with my shenanigans for 16 years now. Let's go another 16 more or so. to see what happens. Hell, Ashley, you've said,

O'Clair called her on the telephone. And you weren't a very good student. Exactly. Happy 10th anniversary to Bigfoot is real, Jesus, and slackers, Jesus. There's so many texts coming in. I haven't had time to pre-read them all. So it's as a cold read here.

It's from Wish I Had More Middle Fingers for Cancer, Jesus, who says, want to give a shout-out to all the pimps with riding mowers and zero turns and one big socket to all the plebs without. Oh, that sucks. Suck it. Suck it. Suck it.

I got to read these first. Suck it. Well, jokes on him. I will. Anytime, any place. Congratulations to Electrical Jesus and his better half going in tomorrow to welcome a new member of the sisterhood.

We're very excited for you. And best of luck to the Osakis Girls Varsity team on their first meet tomorrow in Pequot Lakes from listening from Osaka, Sheezus. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, Everything just feels off.

That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.