93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Live Outdoor Broadcast

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

Originally Aired December 4, 2025: Spermanent vacation. Come back with a warrant. Everything you wanna know about an 81-year-old true eater.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We picked the wrong day for a live outdoor broadcast, didn't we, Josh? Are you cold yet? Today, winter penis has officially set in. It's winter penis season. Summer penis did skip me this year, but my gosh. Brutal. That's cold out there. Welcome to the 93X half-ass morning show broadcasting live

from the Hardy's parking lot in. Zimmerman. When did Hardys in Zimmerman become a client? Was it just yesterday? I think so. It wasn't until this morning that I was informed. Don't drive to the regular studios. Go to Zimmerman.

Go to Hardys. And that's where we're broadcasting live this morning. Don't get me wrong. You know, we were talking about Hardee's yesterday. I love Zimmerman. I love Hardys. But we passed by a couple Hardys that are a lot closer to the station. There's one in St. Paul.

Yeah. There's one on your way in, isn't there? Yeah. And they can't, they got a whole crew inside right now making breakfast. We can't be inside with them. We have to broadcast in the parking lot. We're not good enough to be inside. Stop by, I guess.

Stop by. Hardy, Zimmerman. We have canned coosies. We've got passes. By the way, just in case, don't really stop by. You've gotten in trouble for that before. We've got passes to next year's Comic Con this morning at Hardys. Also, the Lego conventions coming back to the Twin Cities.

We'll have tickets to that. Okay, right. We're not outdoors. And we're definitely not in Zimmerman. No, we're just in our regular studios. When did I get in trouble before for something? What did I do? Well, you made a joke about a particular artist performing at a particular venue.

Oh, you're talking about the Wu Tang? The Wu Tang clan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people didn't pick up on the joke and it became a thing. I got in trouble pretending like the Wu Tang was playing the show in Andover. I did. I got in trouble for that many years ago. And it wasn't like you were trying to be provocative or trying to mess.

Messed with folks. It was supposed to be a joke. And unfortunately, you know, somebody's uncle heard it and told a buddy who told a buddy. And the telephone game starts happening. And people show up to see Wu-Tang and there ain't no Wu-Tang. Why would they ever come to Andover? Ashley, there were a lot of people who believed that the Wu-Tang was playing a live show at a softball field in Andover. There were a lot of people that believed it.

That's not your first. fault. That was just a liquor talk and I thought we'd have some fun and mess with you a little bit. We're not in Zimmerman. We're not at Hardee's. Glad we had some fun because my day started poorly. Oh, no. Talk to me. Ashley owned me off air. It's not that hard to do. She does it on air, too. I had asked her if she'd sue me if I used a fake bow and arrow to shoot her. And then she said she would. She confirmed she would sue me for assault. Emotional damage. And I told her just so you know if it was a real bow and arrow, or do you say bolt for a bow? I'm not sure.

Crossbow you do. You can get away with either in my book, Josh. Just trying to save a text. I don't know what you say. I know crossbow you say bolt. I'm not sure about bow and arrow. I said, you know, if it was a real one I'd miss, it might just dribble out like a disappointing orgasm. But she told, then what did you say to me?

You would miss with the imaginary one, too. That's not cool. In my imagination, I couldn't hit you with my imaginary bow and arrow. No, there's no way. I'm going to shoot you with this thing any second. What about a crossbow? I'm calling my lawyer. Can I get you with an imaginary crossbow?

That would be a little bit easier, but no, I still think you'd sail it. Probably. Has anyone here ever fired a crossbow? No. Yes. Is it pretty fun like it seems it would be? It is. It is as much fun as you could imagine.

Is it hard to load that sucker? Yes. Is it? I have never fired a cross bow. But I have had a... But I have had a... problems with my elbow over the years. I know you have.

People are saying thank you. It is bow and arrow. Okay, we took an archery class when we were kids at the local park. Sure. And it was a blast. I mean, it was tough to pull that thing back, you know, as well, even as an adult, I'd probably have trouble. But that was fun. I mean, I couldn't believe my parents signed us up for that thing. I never did anything.

And that was awesome. I remember when we had a week's worth of archery in junior high gym class. Oh, you guys did that? You did that in school? Yes, it was in school. Did you use, like, plastic ones or real? No, they, we had real. The real deal?

Oh, my God. It was ridiculous. Never been more clear we grew up in different eras. That would not have flown when I was in school. I was horrified on those days because I thought for sure, one of my ass hat out-of-control classmates was going to put an arrow right through my heart. I mean, just to choke around, you can. could see somebody doing something like that, not thinking through the consequence.

It was stupid. It was irresponsible of the school to hand us weapons at that age. No, it was boring. Oh, really? Totally boring. I probably, I'm trying to remember this would have been like fourth or fifth grade. And I thought it was awesome. Porno Jesus just took the day off of work.

He heard something about going to Hardee's and Zimmerman for Comic Con tickets. No, no, no. Don't call in. It was a joke. You should go to Hardee's and Zimmerman. For sure, just on your own time, but we're not there right now as much as we wish we were. Don't go there for us. Go there for you.

What beef you got with Zimmerman is a text? What makes you think we got a problem with Zimmerman? Was that a beef joke because of Hardee's? No, no, no, he thinks that maybe. Yeah, I love Zimmerman. Just because we said it out loud a few times, one listener assumes we have a problem with the town. No, not at all. I have a bunch of family that lives there.

It's a good town. Yeah, sure. Wonderful. And Ashley, don't be so quick to assume that it's totally ridiculous to think that the Wu-Tang clan would play in Andover. Got a message earlier. I think I remember this, Josh. Afro-man played a show in East Methel. Did he really?

Yes, according to, I remember that. Afro-M, because I got high guy? Yeah. Afro-Man, huh? Yeah, he and I were in the same archery class in junior high. Get out of town. Yeah. I think I remember that.

Maybe someone's effing with me here, but I think I remember that Afro-Man played it. Here's the deal. It's Thursday. Yeah, we're not broadcasting outdoors. That was the liquor talking. We just thought we'd have some fun. But I would like to dedicate Josh and I would both like to dedicate today's program

to all the jag-offs who are working out of doors this morning. Boy, I bet that sucks, X. Oh, gosh, absolutely. I bet that sucks the high, hard one. Whatever it is you're doing, we appreciate it. I mean, working outdoors on a day like today has to be miserable. Absolutely. You know what I'm looking for?

Gloves, actual, not like choppers, but actual gloves that keep your hands warm. Like any time, like shoveling over the weekend, whenever that snowstorm was, that was over the weekend. Yeah. I can't get my hands warm. Go to Cabellas. I've looked for, I've tried the electric gloves. I've tried any kind of glove you can imagine. The love glove, I put a love glove on it.

And that didn't work either. What about popping those little hand warmers in there? Yeah, but that just keeps my palms warm. I'm talking about my tingers. I've always had an issue with that. You're talking about your... Tingers, yes. My fingers.

The only gloves I've ever found that work decently is if I just use like the gloves that I wear hunting. So like I said, maybe go to Cabellas, check them out. All right. I'll never have a problem going to Cabellas. Exactly. $500 later. Yeah, no.

kidding. That's one of those places, right? All of a sudden, I'm like, oh, gosh, I don't even hunt. Why do I have all the coolest hunting game? That place in Menards. I can't go to Menards. I'm not allowed to. I go crazy. Oh, we're going to make a stop, I think, tomorrow. I enjoy myself over there. Josh.

Hey, somebody's mad at me because I'm ripping chop. I'm not ripping on choppers. Why is everyone so sensitive? Yeah. No, I was just saying I'd prefer gloves for what I'm doing. I love choppers. It's a cool look. Yeah, no offense to choppers. me. Someone said to put latex gloves under your warm gloves. There's all kinds of tricks. You can wrap

your hands in those latex gloves. I've heard that trick. You can throw a layer of vaseline on your hands, Josh. It's like a second layer of skin. Here's the thing. There really is no surefire way to keep surefire way is how a guy would say it, to keep your fingers warm when you're doing anything out of doors. the key is to do whatever you've got to do as quickly as possible. Yeah, I try. So when you get out there to shovel the walk, just go as quickly as possible. It doesn't have to be pristine. I kind of like to make it pristine.

I like to make the edges of the driveway perfect and stuff. It's ridiculous. Oh, well, that's your problem. Yeah, well, that's part of it. Yeah, I mean, that's definitely part of it. Sweep to the right, sweep to the left, I'm good. That's how I shovel. I get out of there as quickly as possible.

Let's check in with Captain Chris. over there, Josh, real quick. I wanted to ask you about some Christmas stuff. How do you feel about that? Sure. You're a guy who loves Christmas. You love the music. You love the holiday vibe.

Decorations, everything. Decorations, absolutely. How cheery most people are. Most people, yes. Most people are cheery? I haven't noticed. Are you as, what's the word I'm looking for? Elaborate when it comes to decorating for Christmas as you are for Halloween?

No, not quite as much. Because it's too freaking. Because your fingers get cold. We have probably too many Christmas trees. And we have three Christmas trees. And I kind of want to get one more. So that might be a little silly. Nice.

You got one for like your living room and then upstairs bedroom. Yeah, exactly. Who are you, Mick Foley or something? Does he have a lot of Christmas trees? He has an entire room in his home dedicated to Christmas. Oh, does he really? Yeah, he's 165 days a year. I'm so jealous.

That's hilarious. He's obsessed with Christmas. You have multiple, Chris, three or four Christmas. How do I put this to you? Apparently, there are some holiday trends that are slowly dying. But I bet you might be the guy that's bucking this trend. Like they say, sending Christmas cards, that gimmick is dying. Do you still send Christmas cards?

You know what? I never have. Oh, you never have? No. I'm surprised to hear that. Yeah, I don't think I've ever sent. I'm trying to think if I actually... Yeah, I've never done like the family. hey, this year, Alex got an inch taller.

Well, that's separate here. Yeah, it costs more to have that little insert. By the way, yeah, we mentioned Cramp, or not Cramp. They sent us a very nice Christmas card as they do every year. Thank you to them. And thank you to electrician Jesus who sent us a card. He sent me a photo of basically like Santa's workshop at his house. He sends out more than 400 Christmas cards.

Oh, wow. And I would, too, if I had a family that looked like his. I mean, they're all models, essentially. I don't know enough people to do that. He must save up the entire year to pay for postage and Christmas cards and stuff like that. I sent out 20 this year. I was very, very excited. Oh, yeah, you sent out Christmas cards.

Well, when we got your card, I brought it home to the wife, and she took a look, and she said, well, she was very happy to receive it, number one. And she said, yeah, almost every couple, when they get a new baby, then they're suddenly interested in Christmas cards. Yeah, well, my husband. wouldn't let me. In the family Christmas card specifically is what I mean. He refused because I wanted to do Christmas cards

last year, just like send it out of pictures of our pets because that's fun. And he said that I was not allowed to send out Christmas cards until we had a baby. There you go. All right, so apparently that trend is dying.

As you heard Josh say a minute ago, not at electrician Jesus' house. He sends out 400 a year. You've never done it. Now, separately in this report, they mention the long self-serving family letter. That trend is also dying. That's a good thing in my book. I agree. I've gotten a couple of them this year. Oh, you have? Yeah. But you don't really need that anymore with social media and everything. I'm sure that's kind of what's killed. Right. Only a couple of

times in my life did I receive the family Christmas letter where mom usually writes it. And she She updates you on how everybody's doing. Little Jimmy hit four feet tall this year. And it just, I wanted to wipe with it. Sometimes. It was all just self-serving. Look at what a wonderful life we leave. Lead is the word nonsense.

We had a family member growing up that would send one, and it was obnoxious how long this thing was. And it was one of our favorite days of the holiday season because of the four of us, we'd gather around and read it and just laugh our asses off at how corny and how obnoxious it was. Beef Cannon Jesus wants to know is Joshua Feller Center no longer a thing.

Yes, I've called it Josha Feller Center. We decorate, but Nick specifically asked if I win as crazy as I do for Halloween. I don't. Halloween's kind of ridiculous to the point where I think it's going to piss people off. I surprisingly have way more Christmas decorations than I do Halloween.

That does surprise me, actually. Yeah, it just, yeah, it has me in a chokehold. Why does that surprise? Oh, I suppose because you do love Christmas, or excuse me, Halloween so much. Yeah, I guess maybe that just goes to say how much Christmas decorations I have because I haven't seen amount of Halloween decorations, but I can't stop with Christmas. I love making the house feel all cozy.

I had a shed. It's embarrassing. I had a shed built this year, and the majority of it is holiday decorations. To the point where I'm thinking, we got to chill out a little bit. Ooh, that's right. You're a new shed owner. Oh, it's the best. You know how you really live it up as a new shed owner? How's that? Is when five minutes isn't to, that'd be ridiculous. this is how you really live it up as a new shed owner is when five months later a tree lands on it and pops it like a zit on prom night. Anyway, we're going through these supposedly dying holiday trends

to see if the most holiday guy I know, Josh, still is involved in these different things. Driving around to look at the lights. Yep. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we've, you know what, Haven't you had good and bad experiences with that? Didn't you once pay to sit on a school bus and go around looking at lights?

And it totally sucked. I thought, what a fun family thing. I've always wanted to do this. Me and another friend and his family, we rented a party bus, and I thought the kids are going to really enjoy this. You took it upon yourself to rent a party bus. Yeah. My family rents a limo.

Oh, is that right? And they specifically have a route or you chose the route? Well, they choose it. It's like a whole package you can buy. I got you. And I thought, what a fun holiday memory. And the kids are going to love this the rest of their lives. A fun holiday memory.

Absolutely. Making memories. Mm-hmm. And they were so bored. I'm like, what's wrong with kids? I would have loved something like this when I was younger. But those were the, we didn't have the light of an iPad 24 hours a day. Those were the only colored lights we saw back then.

You were thinking, and I know a guy who actually talks like this, you were thinking, Josh, core memory. Yeah, it was. I know a guy who talks like that. He'll say core memory and then bring up some cheesy moment he had with his son recently. And we all roll our eyes and want to punch him in the mouth. Anyway, so you still look at holiday lights. Yeah, I had to tell my wife actually because she likes to do a lot of this stuff as well. And obviously we would like the kids to join us.

But I have to remind her even like, you know, they're probably going to have no interest in this whatsoever. So if this is kind of for us, maybe we should just do this ourselves. They're going to get drunk. Well, we went to CHS Field, and we did have a great time with that. Their lightshow glow. Bentleyville's awesome. I think everybody should go to Bentleyville up in Duluth. I've been there once.

I heard there's, well, Severs has a good one. I've heard Mancato's got a good one this year. Sam's Christmas Village in Wisconsin is really good, too. Okay, I was just going to bring up, I knew there's one named after a kid. Okay, Sam's Christmas Village. Now, according to this report, no one goes, well, that's an exaggeration again there. according to this report visiting Santa at the mall is a dying

gimmick but I just talked to somebody a couple days ago oh it was my sister's kid my sister's kid was at the mall three four days ago and she said the line to hang out with Santa was six and a half miles long it's still a big thing okay so I don't I didn't think that people still go see Santa

a lot of my friends they do more of like the bar or a restaurant or a brewer will have Santa. And they say it's a lot cheaper and a lot easier and a lot more fun for the parents than going and standing in line at the mall. What about watching holiday movies when they air on television? No.

As opposed to dialing up elf for the 59th time on Netflix or something. I just saw an ad for that. I believe it was on Thanksgiving an ad for when they're airing Charlie Brown's Christmas or whatever. They always publicized that one

and Rudolph. Yeah, when's Rudolph going to be on. I saw an ad for it, I think, during the Vikings game. It's almost always on a Monday night. Is it still CBS? I mean, it's like a big deal every year they talk about. Yeah, I still enjoy catching a piece of that program. I do. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Do you like Frosty? No, I always, never in my life that I'd give two pumps about Frosty, the stupid-ass snowman. I learned something about Frosty, the snowman, the guy that did the voice, and his name escapes me. There must have been some magic in those.

pants he was wearing. His family found out, well, one of his families found out he had two other families on the side. Frosty. Was that Burl Ives? No, that's the guy who's saying it, right? The voice guy was somebody else. At any rate, no, I never cared for Frosty the Snowman, not once. I like that one. But Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, I still enjoy that. I love the kind of cheap, shaky, One, what's the word? Graphics? Where there's a word. Animation.

Claymation. Yeah, whatever it is. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. So cute. I love to hate Santa Claus when watching that program because Santa Claus is a friggin' douchebag. You know, and it took me to be much older to realize that. But yeah, he's a bully. He's an a hole.

He's a demanding prick. And I hate Santa Claus, but I love to hate him while watching that show. Thank you. Someone says Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer is on Channel 11 now. Somebody just told me it was CBS tomorrow night. That's great. I still do dig that vibe. Let's have to look it up.

We'll have to get the, what was that called back in the day? The TV guide. The TV guide. TV Digest or whatever. Yeah, I love those things. Yeah, me too. Do you, Josh, go along with the Advent calendar thing? Yes, we do.

Do you? We kind of wanted to, I've looked for more. like, you know, interesting ones for older people. There's, like, ones that have booze in it and stuff like that. Oh, I thought you meant like old old. I was like, I have the perfect one for you. My brother-in-law, they got their daughter because she's absolutely loves stuff like this, like a jam and jelly advent calendar.

Oh, yeah. That little glass jars of jelly. You open up the door on today's date and there's a prize behind it. That's how the Advent calendar. works? Yeah. Yeah, I got in so much trouble as a kid because I couldn't wait to eat all the chocolate, you know, and so one year I ate all of December, like in one day, and what did I get, I got a spanking for that one. That's why I don't get those, because I, I know myself and I have no self-control. I'm going to open them all in one day. That's a terrible thing. Do you cut

down your own Christmas tree? I never have, no. I don't have the arm strength to get through the trunk. I could also see you maybe coming away from that with a leg off. Probably, yeah. We're going to start doing that. Not this year because the baby's so young that he won't give a crap, but next year we're going to start cutting it down. For folks that do, I mean, it seems like wonderful on TV, commercials, cards, you know, the family gets out there. They pick the perfect one, mom and dad, take it down, tie it to the top of the car. Is it worth the effort. I wonder if it's one of those things where after you do it, you think, this was

really not cool. I could have went to a Boy Scout lot. Probably not worth the effort. I bet you most adults would say no. What the hell do you go to just randomly cut down? There's a lot of places. Oh, is there a lot? Really? I mean, I looked it up once and there was a decent amount of options. You show up

with your own axe or chainsaw and cut down? No, they got one there for you. They have the instruments for you. Yep. I think everybody has a good time except for dad because everyone else just kind of stands around and then drinks hot chocolate. I could see screwing it up where I knock over the tree and then it takes down the rest of them like dominoes. They never let me back. Do you get involved in the secret Santa gimmick?

Only if it's like, we used to do that here at work. Do you remember that? Like, we're very early on. No, I do not. There was a secret Santa. We do it every year. Do you buy gifts for extended family members? I don't really see them as much, but I would certainly when we got to.

together, so definitely. Do you go to the ugly sweater parties? I actually, I was invited to, and I want to thank Apollo Heating, Aaron Plumbing, because they invited me to their Christmas party. They always do, and it's a lot of fun. I mean, these guys go all out, kind of like what we used to do around here. And, you know, they're a bit more partiers than we are, so they'll do like casino stuff and everything. It's great. And it was a dress-up deal where, you know, they have like a best dress type of thing for, you know, a holiday theme. But unfortunately, I can't make it. year. I was pretty bummed. I really wanted to go. Oh my gosh, you guys. PTP Jesus sent us a picture of his foot, ankle, and said, this is what happens when you try to cut your own tree. And oh my gosh,

I think he tried to cut his own foot off. With an alley? I think he might have got confused with what part. Does it look like an axe wound? And I'm not trying to be cute with that or a chenosaur wound. Honestly, it could be either. That's bad. Yeah, don't try that everybody. Yeah, that's I think in my book, the most aggravating and obnoxious holiday trend there's ever been was the supposedly hilarious, ugly Christmas sweater. I think some of them are pretty fun. I just see red instantly. They're not funny.

And finally, in this report... I was just going to say, Dana, before I knew I couldn't make the Apollo party, I was going to ask you because I figured you'd be the guy who might have an ugly Christmas sweater or like a Christmas suit. I got a Christmas suit. I don't think I have any of these sweaters anymore. Would you have let me bar? Well, I probably looked like the movie big.

I mean, they're all, yeah, we would fit you fine. Don't ever let me into your home. You'll never see that hilarious Christmas suit ever again. You'd have a heart attack if you open my closet, Nick, and just saw all the jerseys and... Maybe I don't want to know. Nintendo shirts. I don't want to know.

You've got a closet? I do. You lucky bastard. We were checking... It's not in the bedroom, though, Josh. We were checking in with Josh, the most Christmas guy that we know on whether or not he still goes along with these specific holiday trends that are supposedly dying, sending Christmas cards, the holiday letter, driving around town to look

at the lights, visiting Santa at the mall. The last one in the report you just discussed. And that is, they're more or less asking, do you still go to the office holiday party? You'll, you might be, you know, you might be in the record books, Josh, for best attendance when it comes to our holiday office parties over the years. You enjoy that scene. Yeah, I'm trying to think of one I haven't gone to. Yeah, you've gone to every damn one of them. I showed up. In 2020, I showed up and I was the only one there.

The door was locked. Nobody let me in or anything. Josh is just drinking Diet Mountain doing the parking lot by himself. It's just me. I'm standing out there with my mask on. Nobody let me in. But outside of that, yeah, I've gone to every single one. there I knew you would be the guy who would

one of the guys who's keeping some of these trends alive I the Christmas card I have a lot of Christmas cards right just regular cards because my intention is always to mail them out I just never really do oh yeah because a lot of times and I this is not meant to be disrespectful I just don't like clutter I'll get it and go oh that was really nice I appreciate that they thought of me as my hand is moving towards the recycling bin I hang on to them forever.

My wife likes, she'll do that. The one she gets, she'll just put up like, well, we don't have a mantle, but she'll throw someplace, you know. I've kept quite a few of them. My wife keeps them all every year and then puts them in one of those little ring binders and then just has like a book of them from every year to the last 10, 15 years. That's cute. I just want to be able to pull out the old Christmas card that my buddy and his family gave me, you know, 25 years ago. I want to be able to pull it out, you know, present it to him. maybe 10, 15 years from now and say, dude, look at you.

Why, you've put on some weight, man. You know what I mean? You used to be kind of decent. Used to be a pretty good-looking guy. What happened to you? So there you go. I was thinking, you know, Christmas cards, that's how we learned. You and I both thought we had a friend who had by far outkicked their coverage.

And both of us thought there's no way that the other persons could be worse. And I showed you that Christmas card. Do you remember this many years ago? I do not remember this. And you agreed that my friend, it didn't make any sense, this pairing, how he looks and how she looks. I don't recall this. Let me take a guess. This friend has money?

Yes. But I think they got together before the money. No, they didn't. I think they did. There you go. All right, broadcasting live from the Hardee's at Zimmerman, the 93X-Hafest Morning Show. We'd love to, but we're not. When we return, we'll dive into the stupid news.

You're a great crowd. Be right back. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too.

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Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's do it. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. All right, we're back. About ready to cut loose with the stupid news. First, I wanted to roll through a couple of text messages that have come our way. 651, 989, 933, the Luther Bloomington Kia text line. We call it.

You can reach us damn near any time. We were talking about, oh, Christmas traditions, Christmas trends that might be falling by the wayside in the last few years. One of them being writing the obnoxious, self-serving family Christmas letter and sending it out to everyone you know so you can brag about what a gorgeous life that you and your family lead. I got a text message from a listener who says, my nut job sister would always write a Christmas letter to send out to everybody. And each year, she would write it in the perspective of one of her pets. I've heard about that. I love that.

I love that. I want to be crazy like that. Come on. I was going to mention that earlier, but I forgot. Yes, some people write in the perspective of their pet. or they'll kind of talk about their pets' life over the past year. Oh gosh, could you imagine what mine would say? Like, my dog ate her foot this year.

She cost me $3,000 in vet bills. Here's my Venmo. Merry Christmas, everybody. It's me, Maggie, the Springer Spaniel. I want somebody in my life that does that. I would get such a kick out of that. Let me tell you about what my mommy and daddy have been up to this year. Are you kidding me?

You throw that in the garbage. They shut me out of the bedroom. quite a bit. Do you do that? Oh, I don't even want to know. Sorry. Retract that state. Strike from the record.

Don't want to know. One out of three has to stay in there. The crippled one has to be there. The only talking pet that I want to hear about is that cat who talks about his poopies and his peepees. That cat is so good. That has changed my life. That particular ad? Yes, I say that way too much at home.

He is the best voiceover artist. on the planet, whoever that is. He delivered that perfectly. It is cold this morning. Cold weather has set in. Josh, one of our listeners, sent in a text and said, this is dig through five inches of car heart to find two inches of pecker weather. That's true. Five inches of car heart, two inches of pecker, he says. Medical device Jesus said he has a friend who maintains his dog's Facebook page and it's hilarious.

Oh, that's very common these days, especially on Instagram. Oh, is it really? Does he post articles about how he hates squirrels in the mailman like medical device Jesus? He hates squirrels in the mailman, you guys. That's fun. I told you the story, speaking of the cold weather, the story about the old alleries. We used to go drink our nuts off at the old alleries in St. Paul and then somehow find our way home safely. in the West Metro, which is the best metro.

This was a number of years ago when I made the mistake of going to that silly, let's watch a bunch of Swedes fall down a hill while wearing ice skates events. Oh, yeah. Oh, what a joke that crap was. So cold. We went to, well, I don't care if it was 80 degrees. That stuff was one of the worst sporting events I've ever.

Anyway, but it was cold as balls that night. And we walked from wherever they hosted the Swedes, falling down a hill while we're an ice skates event, wherever they hosted that. We walked our way back to Allerys, and it was cold. And there was more than a few dudes looking to use the pisser once we got into Alleries, right? Line out the door. And when I got myself maybe two, three dudes shy of having a chance to actually use the toilet,

there was a guy who was right there pressed up against the urine. He's wearing about six inches of snow suit, jacket, carhart, right? Yeah. He was digging and digging and digging into the crotch of his snow pants. And he finally had to say it out loud. He had to, because he was taking so long and the crowd's like, come on, brother. The dude finally said out loud something along the lines of, gentlemen, I apologize, but I literally cannot find my penis in here.

I know it's in here somewhere. I left the house with it. I've had that same conversation with my penis. Like, come on, man, just for a second. Get out here just for a second. The dude even got kind of bow-legged. He kind of even squatted down. He's like looking down.

There's some bitches. I know it's there because I have to urinate. There's got to be something. All right. On to the stupid news. We're going to fire this pig up by talking about to IRS. The Internal Revenue Service, I believe, is their full God-given name.

They almost killed Josh a number of years ago. They almost killed Cubby. He was audited. Little did they know they were going after the most straight-laced peckerhead in town, but they found nothing. But the pressure of it all, the pressure of it all almost killed you dead. And it lasted only two years. You didn't have a solid bowel movement or erection for weeks.

Not at all. And usually I can combine those two things quite. easily, but neither one happened. You were emaciated. Oh, yeah. You were pale and thin, the stress, the worry. So I kind of got a kick out of it? Yeah, there was some amusement.

I'll admit, there was some fun in watching you suffer. Just a little bit of fun. But they kind of angered me. The IRS kind of angered me the way they treated you. Well, I will say this, in their defense, I got a letter from, like, the king of the IRS locally or whatever he is. Sure. And he did apologize saying, hey, you know what? We biffed this one.

Really? Sorry about that. You got an apology? I did, yes. Well, then I'm not so mad anymore. Did they slide in like Arvey's gift card or anything in the envelope? No, but they charged me $300 in postage for him sending that to me. Did you forgive them after reading the letter? Yeah, I mean, I knew, like some of this stuff wasn't their fault. I mean, so I told this before. So basically they, my tax lady had told me this was a random audit right they just picked some schlub and I happened to be the

plebe of the day and so I get this thing in the mail right the plebe and there was I haven't talked about a lot of this but it was a really bad couple of years some pretty terrible stuff happened so when I got this I actually kind of laughed I'm like okay just keep coming why not why not bring more on this and so I get the audit I call the tax lady she kind of tells me don't worry about it we'll get this taken care of. You're completely fine. The first guy got fired. He messed up some stuff up or whatever it was, and he was really aggressive. You know, it was the first one, so he's really trying to nail somebody.

The first guy who was the person that was in-charging with you. Yeah, well, I never talked to anybody until the king emailed. Oh, okay. Or sent me a letter. He ends up getting canned after six months. Somebody else does it. It's going on for a while. Well, she goes on maternity leave.

Oh. So then they got to start again. And eventually I just basically mailed in a white flag. I said, I give up, charge me whatever you want. I can't do this anymore. I'll do the prison time. And in that process, my hard drive failed, which had my information on it, which of course made me look completely guilty.

Sure. Like, oh, is that right? There's a company in town. I called them, I'm like, can you please fix my hard drive? And the guy said, no problem. But if I crack it open, that's $600 right there. And I can't guarantee I'm going to find any info. So with the IRS, they're like it's going to cost you less just to be fined a, what do they call it, a bad record keeping fee.

Huh. So, yeah. That's how it ended. You paid a bad record keeping fee. So if I could just recommend it, don't get audited. Do your best not to get audited. The IRS. And the best way to do that is just don't pay your taxes.

That's what I've, yeah. Work from Wesley Snipes. Not for long. You had a good run there for a while. The IRS. Word is they got a new gig they're going to go ahead with. Says here, IRS agents are now being paid to watch porn at work. Well, isn't that just my luck?

Here comes this deal, and I am not an IRS agent. I'm not even close to an IRS agent. Agents are now going to be paid to watch porn at work. Here's what they're doing over there to IRS. Is auditing people's only fans accounts to make sure that. they're compliant, so some agents will be paid to watch porn. This is all because of something called the new no tax on tips law that Congress apparently passed this summer.

There's something in there that says you still have to pay taxes on tips earned from, quote, pornographic activity, if you follow that. I don't know if I even understand what I'm saying, but I have a little, understanding or knowledge of it because my daughter, she does hair. Oh, for God's sake. I thought you had some big news there. Oh, about the other thing? No, no, no.

I thought you were going to say my daughter now does pornography. No, no, no, that's disgusting. Well, but that's, can you understand why I thought you were headed in that direction? Well, you mentioned tips. I was talking about tips, so she's paid on tips. Did anyone else think he was going to say his daughter was now involved in pornography? I knew he's talking about the hair stuff. So she's, you know what?

Stepdaughter. If it was. Shame on you. Shame on you for thinking such a thing. But she's the one that brought up, or she told me about this, and I thought, well, that doesn't sound right. They're really going to do it, but I guess so. So, yeah, she's.

I'm sorry, what? I was still picturing your stepdaughter being involved in pornography. I don't do that. She's a saint. I don't like that either. I feel protective over her. She's too young for you. Stay away from her.

Oh, no. And you're married. You're a married man. You can't picture other women. What are you doing? None of us do that. He's right. He's right.

We never think about other. All right. So the story mentions here that not everything on only fans is porn. So IRS agents will have to watch the videos to determine whether the person's content is pornographic or not. That surprised me the first time I heard. I thought Only Fans, that's what it was. It's just a porn site. Well, it's damn near all porn.

Yeah, I bet that's the most popular ones. Outside of maybe celebrities, showing how they bake or whatever. But, I mean, is it like YouTube where somebody can say, this is how you fix a lawnmower engine? I suppose. I've never been to only fans, not once. And what percentage of people, you know, they're having all these year-end, you know, what would you call it, rankings and things like that,

showing what you looked at over the year? what percentage people go to only fans and don't do any porn stuff? And some of them combine it, right? Look, hey, I'm baking a flambe, and then they're completely nude. Oh, yeah, I could see that happening for sure. Dangerous. There's still no true definition of what porn is. I don't know if you're aware of that or not,

but says here there is still no true definition as to what porn is. So these IRS agents might have to use the old standard of, I know it when I see it. Interesting gig. It's just, okay, I got a boner. That's porn. No boner, not porn. Imagine getting this gig.

Honey, I got a promotion at work. Oh, yeah? What are you going to be doing? Watching OnlyFans chicks all day. Well, that's better. You hear about cops that have to look at some terrible stuff. I mean, just I can't even imagine having that job. This one sounds much better.

On the topic of porno movies, I have a couple of questions. I've wondered once or twice about porn. editors, dudes or gals who sit down and edit a professionally filmed porno movie. Does it even have an effect on them after a while? I doubt it. Probably not. I'd imagine you become immune to it, whatever the word would be. Numb to it.

I know the word you're talking about. Kind of like how, you know, you'd mention Playboy just no longer worked for you after a while. Right. Probably the same thing. Like Playboy, I mean, shoot, I remember as a kid, it was like the JCPenney catalog and National Geographic that would get you going. And I'd imagine that's not going to move the needle for anybody. I have another porn-related question. I don't expect any of you used to know the answer.

But if you do, obviously, I'd love to hear it. Maybe I'm throwing this more towards our listeners. Who are the people who sit down and edit porn compilation videos for, say, porn hub? like the Stepsister compilation. It'll be anywhere between 20 minutes to two hours long. I always figured it was amateurs. Pardon me? I always figured it was like some random person.

That's what I figured too. Is it someone who Porn Hub is paying to edit those compilations? Or is it just some amateur who sits down and watches hundreds of hours of porn movies so the rest of us can watch a slickly edited video of Sasha Gray's most unconsored? comfortable looking BJs. That's a really good question because, yeah, I have always just assumed it's somebody like you or me doing those. But I guess... You know the videos I'm talking about?

Yeah, but I guess maybe like it's the, like you know how there's... They have all those videos, but it's like one company will be, will own certain actresses, like videos and all that kind of stuff. So maybe it's like those companies have a guy that does it. I'm certainly hopeful it's a professional. and there's not just some dude sitting around for months watching and watching and watching and then highlighting, okay, that's a good one. Dana, do you know anything about this? Yeah, I do. I don't know who does it, though, but I always assume it was just some guy, some super fan, you know?

That's what I, that's, yeah, I'm with you guys. I think it was like some Sasha Gray super fan that, like, put together a highlight reel of his favorite scenes. Josh, now here's something, and I'm sure Josh knows nothing of what we're discussing. He doesn't watch porn movies. Josh, you know that they're, and I wonder who does this now. Who edits the porn music videos? There's porn music videos? You didn't know that.

No, like, I'm not surprised. Like real bands? Yes. Shut up. Yes, and at every high mark of the song, there'll be an explosive money shot. You know what I mean? Is that true? Like, so are they just, like gimmick bands or these?

No, no, no. I'm talking, I'm talking music video. So a legit song, a legit song. Oh, oh, and they just put porn over it. Yes. Oh, okay. So it'll be like, you know, Huey Lewis in the news. Do you believe in love?

Splash. Do you believe it's true? Splash. Do you believe splash, splash, splash, splash. Because I'm making you believe it's true. That's awesome. Yeah, that's different when I was picturing. That's good.

By the way, the word we were looking for, thank you, brother and sisterhood, is desensitized. When your D is no longer sensitized to what you're watching. That would suck. Being desensitized to porn? I mean, because I imagine sex can't be that exciting then. Well, do you, so I retract the beginning of the question I was going to ask you. Nick, what, do you have to move on? Do you have to progress now?

I mean, you mentioned you progressed from Playboy on to different. types of porn. Does the type of porn you're watching right now, like down the road, will it be a little more I don't know, gratuitous or whatever you move on to? Are you saying, are you asking whether or not? Right now it's like there's two women, but I bet there could be

three. Two women don't do it for you anymore. I think that would only become an issue if you watched it a lot. All the time. I'm with Ashley. I think if you watch porno all the time, I can only imagine how far those videos have to go to get you off.

Well, you said you're someone who could just watch porn. Yes. And that's it. Yes. So does that mean you're a bit desensitized to it? No. I can still go back to something normal and find it interesting. Okay.

It doesn't always have to be a bus load of urinating Japanese Olympic wrestlers. And that's just like special occasions. Around the holidays. Arbor Day. So to answer your question, it can still be simple and I'll find it interesting. It doesn't have to be extreme. Because I'm not, I'm not. Pardon me?

Extreme. Terrible rock band. Well, no, no, Novetancourt's one of the best of all time. They had a couple good songs. Only, like Ashley said, only I think if you're just some zombie who's masturbating all day long. Only in that situation do I think you're so desensitized that there has to be something outrageous in front of you. And if that's the case, maybe take a little bit of a break. Take a break.

That's when you know. You're going to hurt yourself. You need to take a break. Yeah, actually, you're right. I bet if you can't get it going with porn and you enjoy that with a real person, it's probably pretty difficult. Yeah, I've heard people complain about that before. like guys having porn brain. So like they can't

they can't perform with a regular girl because they're like why aren't you doing all these like crazy different things? Where the hell's your mom? Yeah. We've been here for 20 minutes your mom hasn't walked in yet to masturbate while watching us. Can we go down to the laundry room and try it there? You got to

catch some of those porno music videos Josh. That does sound pretty funny. For those about to rock. Splash! That's how it goes. Did they ever have like two cannons going from either side of the screen. Yeah, there's clever editing. There's split screens. Do they have one with like bloopers? Oh, God, you've never seen porn bloopers? No, but you told me about them. Oh, they're fantastic. But aren't some of them kind of gross?

Yes, yes. Be careful. Be careful if you ever set down to watch porn bloopers. Because sometimes it's whoops, they pooped. That's what you told. And I want no part of that. No thanks. One of my favorites, some of it can be horrible. And I've been scarred. But some of it can be so funny and so ridiculous. My favorite being, there was a porn movie being shot on a real live fishing boat.

That's safe. Like one of those big old, the stupid television show where all the old guys with the big beards went fishing. Oh, yeah. Deadless cam. Yeah, yeah, one of them big old Alaskan, right? And the gal is on her back, and some dude is just hammering. And like a big old, like scuba diving oxygen tank comes loose from the wall and pings the lady on her head. And the best part about it is it made the most perfect ping sound when it made contact with her skull.

she's damn near unconscious. I just had a drinking blooper. Everything that I was trying to drink while you were talking ended up in my nose. Ouch. I can't even imagine. That must have hurt so bad. The sound was like you were watching a cartoon.

It was so perfectly ping, perfectly amplified. And you hear the cat, what do you call them? The folks behind the scenes. The director. Oh, Jesus. Cut. I need a five miss. Take five.

She's over there just Yeah, oh yeah Oh girl You stand by me I want to find this But I'm afraid to Do research on it I'm forever yours

Splash Fully Faithfully You know one of the hardest things I ever had to do here, Nick, is when we first became 93X after it was the edge in between. Oh, yuck. I should say 93X again. Oh, God, I hated the edge.

Our awful boss, who for some reason popped into my head on the way into work and I had some really bad memories. The guy who used to comb his hair with a sponge? No, the other one. What did he do with his hair? It was fair. Oh, the fair-haired. Yeah, the fair-haired.

Okay, go ahead. He made me play, like, in a promo, take faithfully. And, like, he wanted me to make it sound crappy, right? So, like, I would stretch it out and make the sound sound awful to make fun of a different radio station for playing it. He asked you, an American. Yeah. You are an American citizen. Right.

The boss asked you to make fun of journey. And I said, is this really the band we want to go? after, there's probably, there's got to be another band. No real American pokes fun at Journey. I'm with you on that. Specifically, the Steve Perry, Neil, Sean, Ross, Valerie,

Steve Smith, Jonathan Kane version of Journey. That makes you an un-American. Yeah, that's when I knew we're working for the wrong guy. So what did you do? You agreed because it was your job? I had to. He was the boss. I'm like, all right, I guess so. He also

once pulled me aside and said, you guys need to talk dumber, sound dumber. And I thought, well, I don't know how that's possible, first and foremost. But I'm like, what do you mean? Like, one-syllable words, mispronounced things? I don't know what you're talking about. He was one of those guys that would give you direction, but really have nothing to back it up to explain it one way or not.

He was an idiot. He was an idiot. All right. Painfully dry humor, Jesus said that I should see the video for Come on Eileen. Apparently, it's incredible with the full of the, You know, that Halloween costume always kind of grossed me out where somebody would have a name tag that said Eileen and then there'd be simulated, you know what, all over the place? I have not yet experienced seeing the come on Eileen.

I have an in-person Halloween costume. Somebody will send me that photo every year and ask if I get it. I'm like, yeah, I do. It's gross. If you're interested in watching a video that will stay with you until the day. that you die. You might want to check out 93x.com, right, Ashley? We're talking about the old lady.

All right. I don't know. I post a lot of videos. I'll just keep going. I'll just keep going. And you can tell me whether or not. I'll resend it to you. We got to get this up on our website.

This is the most important video of the week by far. And it will stay with you. Although we have one tomorrow that's pretty good. I'll look forward to hearing what you think about. that one. Another good video. Some good stuff on 93X.com. This will stick with you until the bitter end of your miserable life. You will remember the video of the 80-year-old...

I'll get there. You will remember the video of the 81-year-old lady in San Francisco, who recently achieved a great victory. Her name is Babs. Babs just won the award. for best technique at a lesbian pie eating contest. Oh, stop it, you. It wasn't that bad. Oh, my little Roy toy.

What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? I guess it's all that pumping dump. I can't watch that scene in Kingpin. I don't like that. Awesome. It was so good, but man, that's gross. Again, 81 years old, this lady. Babs, best technique is the award she won at a lesbian pie eating contest. Experience matters, Babs said after her victory.

She proves something that all you milth and dillf lovers already know. There's no age limit to good oral. I hate this video so much. throw up. I hate it. Really? When she dives in and goes for it? No, stop. Go home. Go have a tea

in front of your TV and watch the news or something. No, no, no. She's an artist. Videos of Babs destroying a pie with her tongue at the pie eating contest are everywhere. Do we have it? Is she wearing a moo-moo? Yeah, it is. Yeah, she's wearing like a big old flowing gown.

So we have this on our website. Okay, thank you. Yeah. In the video, you can watch folks cheer her on as she tongue punches the pie. Classic pie eating contest rules were in place, Cubby. Babs was seated in a chair, and she would bend at the waist as the pie sets on a table in front of her. She can't use her hands. She's filthy. She is.

She's a horny lady. I had mixed emotions while watching Babbs lick that pie. I'm proud of her. I'm happy for her. Here she is, 81 years old, still out having fun. I learned a couple things. I'm like, oh, I never thought about trying something like that. The only time I was bothered was, well, all eating contests turn my stomach.

One of my greatest pet peeves is messy eaters. So the video, just in general, troubles me. I can't watch the hot dog eating contest anymore. Eating contests make me more and more sick every time I see them. It's weird. There's certain things as you get older. Like, for me, I can't go on rides anymore. which is terrible.

Yeah. And I can't watch. And I used to love watching those contests. We used to love to watch. We used to collectively, the two of us, watch the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. Yeah. We loved it. It felt it's like the most American thing I thought I could do on Fourth of July.

Now I can't stand it. Me neither. So that part of it troubled me. I think that might be more of it for me. Well, for me. It's just how, like, grow. It's messy. It's a pie eating country.

Yeah, like I don't care about her tongue movements, but it's just, ugh. There's probably so much spit in the pie now. I don't think anyone's going to finish the pie, actually. I know, but it's just the thought of it. I don't know. Do you see her talent? Somebody finished. She knows what she's doing.

She does. When it was all said and done, Babs got on her feet after destroying this pie and put on a hell of a display for the crowd. The only thing I didn't like were her eyes when she was putting on that display. That kind of freaked me out. She was very intense. Yeah. She had the look of a cereal.

killer. Yes. On her pie covered 81-year-old face after the contest was over. And this was the only other part that really troubled me. You guys know how much I hate the she did the classic oral sex on a woman gesture

sticking her tongue between her middle and index fingers. You know the move. A little bit of that goes a long way for me. I've never liked that. I've never liked that move. I think it's kind of funny It's funny when an 81 year old does

Her 82 year old, whatever you said she was Babs wrote about her victory on social media Again, she won the Best Technique Award at a lesbian pie eating contest She wrote, I took my time savoring every morsel of crust Hidden beneath those sweet

hills and valleys She is She's pretty cool, though I will say I was creeping on her Instagram and she seems like a really cool lady to hang out with She goes and does a lot of things. It was a charity-based event.

They made a few bucks. They had some laughs. Babs was easily the star of the show. She reminds me, I mean, I don't think she ever competed in a lesbian pie-eating contest, but my wife's grandma was a horn dog. And she was like same type of personality, everything. And she made it to almost 100, and she was still a horn dog. Check out this video.

You won't regret it. It's a lot of fun. Again, it's the most important video of the, week. We're almost smooth out of time. She's so cool. I can't stop looking at her Instagram. What's she doing in there? She's just, she like travels the world.

She's got a picture with a goose and that's pretty cool. Picture with a goose. Whoa. She's like, look at my pet goose and it's funny because like some other old person that she knows commented and it was like, aren't you lucky babes? This is the cutest thing ever. I'm following her.

I'm with the goose. She has a dog that looks like Gertie, Nick. That looks like your puppy. Oh, yeah, she has a little yorky. This is great. I'm glad to see you come around because when we first started talking about Babs, and I get it when you initially saw the video of her diving, her wrinkled old face into that pie.

It is a little gross to watch. But now you've become a fan. Yeah. This makes me happy. She seems like she's just out there living life. Why not? I mean, these are her sunset years. Go for it.

The golden years, Cubby. The golden years. It's what I've heard them referred. to before. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Jonas Gats it in the mid-range.

Finding a cut in A.J. Cream. And that's the key. Janus, uh-oh. Janus is down. He said, doesn't look good. What happened? Giannis Anton Kuna Popoko.

He fell down. Yeah, like a non-contact injury. Is it his calf? Everyone's calf gives way in the NBA. Yeah, maybe dehydration or something. I have a gatorate. Come on. Greek freak went down and he stayed down? Yeah, I guess it was not good.

Well, what the hell are we going to do now? Real quick, I'll get out of your way. I'm looking forward to talking to Randy Shaver here in what do we got here? About a half hour. Golden Gopher basketball last night pulling off a win in their Big Ten season opener. Come on now. Roll the boat, Scott, Yamaha, and Go, Go over Big Ten Network. I love PJ, but he had nothing to do with this.

It was the basketball team. kind of takes over everything at the U. You know, Gino, whatever the new head coach over there with the basketball team. RICO, we've got to get a quote from him. Nico, I think, is his name. The wolves wrap up their three-day drunken orgy in New Orleans with a game tonight against the

pelicans. The pigs are in Calgary tonight. What the hell? Golden Gopher hockey. They play a Thursday night game. Golden Gopher Hock. Josh, when you were playing for the Golden Gopres, you guys never played on Thursday. No, that was a rule. Thursday's when we drank. Yeah. Thursday's big night out for. Of course, yep.

Back in, you played on the line with TAFE and Riddle, wanting those back-to-back titles in the early 2000. Tonight's episode of Thursday Night Football is the Lions and the Cowboys. Randy Shaver will be here in a half hour. Josh's News is coming up next. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealky. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. This pot is about to be crazy. I don't even know what's going to happen. This is full send. It's just like a boy's scrap.

Join the party. We threw like a spontaneous party Out of nowhere is crazy. And we pulled off a crazy prank. Pranks, parties, and viral culture at its wildest. Just seeing like the guys that you brought in and like seeing their different personalities and stuff It's been entertaining, dude.

This could be the greatest content build of all time, bro. The Full Send podcast. Dude, let's get ready to rumble. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's do it. The 93x half-assed morning show. Pretty crazy. I mean, you don't really think about stuff like that happening

in your own town, you know. A Florida man with a come back with a warrant doormat finally got his wish fulfilled last week after the local sheriff happily obliged that request showing up with the paperwork in hand to take him into custody for mortgage fraud. 57-year-old Christopher Music moonlighted as a counterfeit real estate tycoon,

forging documents, faking ownership of business properties and taking out mortgages on buildings he didn't own. He then used those funds to scoop up still money, more properties, rent those out and revel in the revenue. But he skipped paying any of those pesky loans. Christopher Music hasn't changed his tune in over a decade. He's a repeat offender with a long playlist of crimes, including 10 priors and two outstanding warrants in Maryland. But for his most recent scam, music will now face the consequences of his actions in Florida, where he faces charges for organized schemes to fraud, grand theft, over $100,000, and forgery.

Christopher Music, huh? Music. What about that? What about that name? That's something right there. Yeah, it's spelled with a K, because he nasty. I've never heard that before. Music as a last name.

And you said, come back with a warrant. That is my favorite line to use when someone comes knocking on the bathroom while you're taking a deuce. That's a good one. I kind of want that doormat. That's pretty funny. Of course, the Sunshine State remains the nation's undefeated heavyweight champ of head scratching headlines. Last month, a man known locally as Farmer Pete, you may remember, was arrested after opening fire on 3.20-somethings during a heated debate over how many eggs a chicken can lay. And back in October, another repeat offender landed in cuffs on drug possession charges, only for authorities to discover he'd also stored a thermos. in his rectum, which damn near killed him. Yeah, that guy's awesome. The anus thermos had to be surgically removed.

Oh, it did, huh? Oh, yeah, I remember that. Remember that story? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They said he was minutes away from death. I can imagine. When they finally pulled that thermos out of his can. A mountain lion sighting in Duluth stirred up a bit of midday tension yesterday,

prompting several schools to slip into what the district called secure status. It began when a neighbor reported spotting a mountain lion, chalaxon, and the their yard, a good half mile from campus, but close enough to raise concern. One of the districts got the call. School staff moved everyone indoors as a precaution, lest they become lion lunch. After about 40 minutes, the district lifted the safety measures yesterday afternoon. Police later said they were aware of mountain line sightings in the area and had been speaking with the DNR about the reports. As with any wild animal, we want to remind the community that you should exercise caution in their presence and never approach them, the department posted.

The DNR noted the arrival, the animal, excuse me, appeared to be wearing a collar, though not one of theirs. Well, someone leave the door open at the zoo or something? Yeah, they're trying to figure that out. The mystery of where the big cat came from remains, but for now the city is keeping an eye on the tree line. I'm not scared of a mountain lion, Josh. Are you? You scared of a mountain lion? Yeah, probably.

Yeah, I think I would be scared of a mountain lion. Don't be so worried about it. I mean, they're cute and all. But yeah, I could probably. You find them to be kind of cute? Probably could kick my ass. What does a mountain lion weigh? It's a good question.

And how many eggs can it lay? I know it's over 100 pounds, for sure. I'm going to go along with it. Yeah, I'm going to agree with that. Three people. Sorry, that was so dumb. I was just thinking about back to the time I saw a cougar, and they asked me. Was this a trail stop in Egan?

Because there's cougars there every night. But I, like, compared it to my English lab that I had at the time. That was about 100 pounds. So I know they're over that. So are lions and tigers. The dude's ones go for 120 to 160. Females, 75 to 110 pounds. The dude ones?

Wait, the females weigh more? No, 75 to 110. Oh, I thought you said 175. No, guys are 120 to 160. I was going to say, hey, go us. Three people were arrested for engaging in sexual acts in a grocery store parking lot on a Sunday. afternoon, of all things. Police arrived around noon and found a trio of intoxicated folks involved in some amorous activities.

A threesome at a Florida wind dixie featuring one chixie and two dixies. The Devil's Threeway included a 45-year-old woman named Sharon who faces accusations of unlawful exposure of sexual organs, disorderly intoxication, and resisting. Officials noted this is actually her second arrest for similar public conduct in just three. months. She has a fitting first name. Sharon. Yeah, Sharon B. Sharon Dix at Win Dixie before. Then there was Marshall, a 43-year-old accused of committing unnatural and lascivious acts along with disorderly

intoxication. I didn't think any dude named Marshall could get action. Oh, really? You must have never seen how I met your mother. I think that Marshall's a pretty cool name. Never saw it. And the final carnal criminal at the Grope Shre store, in this case, a 59-year-old horn dog named Michael, facing accusations of unlawful exposure of sexual organs and disorderly intoxication.

Police weren't ready, that is, to let trigons be trigons in this love triangle. So the trio's disgusting mid-afternoon display earned each a trip to jail. Moving on from damnation to doctrine, here's a fleshy footnote in Catholic sex history. It was on this day in 1930, the Vatican approved the rhythm method of birth control for Roman Catholics. Did you guys learn about the rhythm method in school? No, what is that? A woman tracks her cycle.

And then when she says, can't get pregnant during these times, that's the birth control. No, I actually never learned. I didn't learn about that until I was in my early 20s. Yeah, good job, education. I learned about it.

I learned about it today. The rhythm method? I think I may have heard it said out loud once or twice. Well, Janet Jackson, didn't she do an album? Or was that just a song, Rhythm Method? Josh, that was the Rhythm Nation. Oh, that's right. That's right. A decorated Canadian police sergeant, a man who collected medals and accommodations over a 22-year career.

He pled guilty last week to using a law enforcement database to pursue intimate relationships with roughly 30 women. Wow. Looking up their criminal records like he's on a dating site. Yeah, and that's exactly what he did. His last name, by the way, Seaman Chuck. Oh, come on. That sucks. And he resides in regina.

53-year-old Robert Seamanchuck of the Regina Police Service in Saskatchewan. He apparently, he accessed some protected information to find contact and cultivate relationships with women who had no idea they were chatting with a longtime officer. Court records list at least 24 women, yet someone familiar with the case, suggested the number may be closer to 30, noting that Seaman Chuck had his fingers in nearly every Regina database. I can't do this. That's ridiculous. His method was so deceptively simple that no one saw Seamancheck's methods coming. Robert did not speak during his brief appearance in Regina Provincial Court Friday, and he did not answer questions from journalists as he left.

Seaman Chuck would reach out under an alias, send a text claiming that he meant to message somebody else, and they did let that accidental opener drift into a friendly exchange, which eventually became constant messaging. He often used the names Jay Lewis, or Steve Perkins, presenting himself as a contractor or a project manager, not a cop. Now, after an internal investigation that ran deep and stretched into years, Seaman Chuck pulled out of Regina law enforcement when police there made it clear, his finish is permanent.

From Regina to... Pretty slick method, though, wouldn't you say, Josh? Yeah, like, oh, gosh, sorry, wrong number, but since I got you here... And he has all their criminal background in front of him, so he knows who he's dealing. with. It says here she got a couple of DWIs. I don't like that because I don't like the drive all the time. You know what I mean? Yeah. From Regina to Georgia, folks keep getting fired for getting way too horny on the clock. A Georgia police chief wrapped up his career with a retirement ribbon cutting of sorts, followed immediately by the clang of handcuffs. Just hours after announcing

he'd hung up his badge, 49-year-old Matthew Stephman was arrested for twisting his department's tech tools for his own personal perversion. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation says Stephman spent part of his 20-plus tenure, misusing the agency's automated license plate recognition system, not to nab crooks, but to stalk and harass people. State investigators sifted through months of digital breadcrumbs before filing charges, which include violating his oath of office, harassment, stalking, and multiple tech misuse counts. The investigation into his misconduct is still open, the Bureau said, and if,

Officials explained they aren't exactly sure how many victims may have been involved. One more here. Actually, you know what? Two more here. A 29-year-old police officer in the U.K. groped two coworkers and tried to kiss a supervising officer during a going-away party. Tried to kiss his supervising officer. To her, this is a her that did that to a heap. Yeah. Officer McNasty squeezed a male officer's genitals twice and grabbed a female colleague's boobies from behind. She was seen on security footage twerking during the park. party and said she had no memory of those incidents.

So she really got into the hooch. It sounds that way. Yeah. Her name is Pamela Pritchard, and she's super hot. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And one final one for you. In the deal with federal prosecutors entered Tuesday, a former suburban St. Louis police

officer admitted over several months last year, he pulled over 20 women's vehicles and searched their phones for nudes and videos. In exchange for his guilty plea, prosecutors dropped a felony obstruction. count. That count he pleaded guilty to is punishable by up to a year in prison. Freak. Looking for naked pictures. Yeah, he said, I got to take your phone just to check your insurance information. And then he used his phone to take photos of whatever they had on theirs.

It's a cute idea. Josh, this gal who was grabbing ass and trying to kiss her boss, was this the company Christmas party? It was related to, I don't know if it was a Christmas party, but it was definitely like, they had some trainings and then some parties surrounding those. They served alcohol at those. They must have. Clearly they served alcohol at those events.

Pictures of her are up on 93x.com. I don't think I would mind if she grabbed my boobs from behind. Yeah, I was right. She's super hot, right? Ridiculously hot. I got to shut down this game of Tetris and go look for this Super Fox. It's probably worth your time. All right, thank you.

I'll go over there real quick. I'll see if I wouldn't mind her grabbing my cans. A wacko-waco woman was arrested during a truancy hearing. last week after threatening to shoot a judge. 19-year-old Daisy Hernandez and several family members were in court when the judge asked Hernandez's mother why her kids weren't going to school. While Hernandez's mother was speaking, Hernandez's 15-year-old brother caught the judge's attention by smiling and laughing.

That interjection didn't go well. The judge paused the hearing and told him to stop or leave the courtroom. He didn't. You little tool. He didn't stop. Next, the judge threatened to stop. send their mom to jail for six days due to ignoring a court order for truancy, to which Daisy said to the judge, you can't do that. To which the judge said to Daisy,

yes, I can. Hernandez's continued to yell at the judge who got so pithed, she actually broke her gavel pounding it so hard. The judge ordered deputies to remove Hernandez and her brother from the courtroom. And as Hernandez was being escorted out, she shouted, I'm going to shoot this bitch. Sorry for the language. It was a quote. When things calm down, an officer asked Daisy why she told the judge she was going to shoot her to which she replied I don't know I was mad the judge eventually cooled off

too and after the mother produced documents proving her kids were in school she was allowed to leave. They were there too why would you make it hard on yourself like that? Oh yeah my kids are right here they should be in school a Missouri judge with a pension for plastic

pompadores has officially left the building Matthew Thornhill I like to slip on plastic Elvis Presley Wigs in his courtroom and cue up the King's music during proceedings, and that cost him his job. He's the wacky judge. Right. Really?

And they said it was unprofessional. Thornhill said he hoped that his love for Elvis, known best for dying on the toilet, would quote, add levity at times when I thought it would help relax litigants. But ultimately, he acknowledged, I now recognize this could affect the integrity of the proceedings. Huh. And the court agreed. They had to fire him.

Yeah, I guess he was doing it too often. Court records don't reveal who filed the complaint that led to his discipline, but the case file itself is filled with photos of Thornhill on the bench or posing with staff in the wig and sunglasses, making the courtroom into his personal graceland. What a freaking dork. What are you doing, dude? He must have really sucked at doing Elvis if they had to fire him.

Yeah, if he was good, like, let's keep this guy around. He would then offer people choices for how they wanted to be sworn in before testifying, including the option of having Elvis music play from his phone. Then he'd used the songs as entrance music when he made his way into the courtroom. He really committed to the bit. Yeah, what is this? This guy really likes Elvis. It sounds like fun to me.

I'm missing the part where this guy had to be fired. I think it's because he, well, I'll explain what the court said. The board also noted his habit of peppering proceedings with Presley lyrics and casually dropping the singer's birth and death dates into completely unrelated legal matters. which they insisted didn't meet the court's expectations for order and decorum. Yeah. You know, I suppose if you're convicted of a crime and say, you know, the judge made his decision while trust us Elvis, can we trust this guy? I mean, I could see the concern there.

Yeah, it's like one of the worst days of your life. I would definitely file a complaint. Well, maybe you shouldn't have effed off and ended up in court. Well, there's a lot of people wrongly accused. For example, any 93x listener in jail, right? Oh, I did not consider the wrongly accused. Right. Thorne Hill previously hit a foul note in 2008 when he was reprimanded and fined $750 for reducing charges against a woman who offered him a baseball signed by Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw. Wow. Talk about a collector's idea.

What's going on? What's going on in this town? I don't know. It was on this day in 1956, Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins, and Jerry Lee Lewis recorded music together at Sun's studio in Memphis. The recordings were released 25 years later under the title The Million Dollar Quartet. And two years later on yesterday's date, Presley's critically acclaimed comeback TV special aired on NBC, marking his return to live television after a seven-year break. It was a massive success, topping the ratings and critically lauded for reigniting his career.

Did you ever go ahead and see that most recent Elvis movie? No, I didn't see it. Tom Hanks should never be forgiven. Oh, it wasn't good? No, it's an enjoyable deal. Is that the one with Austin Butler? Yeah. But Tom Hanks is just so terrible.

He should never be forgiven for what he did to that movie. But it is fun. That Austin Butler guy is absolutely perfect in every way. Couldn't believe what I was seeing how well that dude portrayed Elvis Presley. Do you remember the story afterwards he couldn't stop talking like Elvis? Yeah. He got to like go. to a counselor or something.

You're a speech therapist. As I've said before, and as you've heard, I'm sure, from other people, it comes off like a Scooby-Doo mystery. So I kind of, I still want you to, and you owe me nothing, because every show you recommend to me, I never go get around to watching, so you owe me nothing. But I'd love for you to see it just to tell me if you, you know, your thoughts on it, because it's so well done in certain ways, but just so bizarre in others. Is it all nonfiction, or do they throw some fiction in there as well?

Good question. I suppose how much do we know about Elvis? Did they put the part where he died from constipation in? I don't think so. No. The Lions host the Cowboys this evening on Thursday night football. And Ethan's IMF team attempts to recover source code of a rogue AI from a sunken sub in the Paramount Plus streaming premiere of Mission Impossible, The Final Reckoning. Jelly Rolls 41 and Skinny, Marissa Tomey, and Foxy, and Jeff Bridges is 76.

Labowski. Happy birthday to our daddy. Happy birthday to Vaya of the sisterhood, turning the big old five today. Of Vaya? Just, no, I screwed up the name the first name. Vaya. Vaya. I looked it up on Google to make sure I pronounce that right, so hopefully Google was right. Vaya got to look it up. Because I didn't know how to pronounce it. Vaya got to ask. And to Coleman, happy birthday to you from Molly and Mutzie. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver There are little signs that he's just becoming a bit of a pain in the posterior

on the half-ass morning show The Nico Metfit Big Ten era begins With an upset win Here at home at the barn Golfers take down Indiana 73364 In the barnyard

Here they come Man Wow How about that, huh? Unbelievable and Brad Ryder. Hello, Randy Shaver. Hello. Yesterday, you and Brad

Ryder were talking about how the Big Ten schedule for the Golden Gopher Basketball Club is going to be a miserable experience this season. Yeah, yeah. Last night, the boys said, don't be so short, Dick Bags. And they went out and beat the number 22 team in America, the University of Indiana Hoosiers.

Pretty impressive. Yeah. Actually, very impressive. Hell yeah. They looked sharp last night. I wish it counted as more than one game. Yeah. I mean, it's only one game.

But I think what we saw was a glimpse of what could happen once he gets the players that, you know, he needs to get in here to be competitive year in and year out. And I think it gives the go for fan base something to get excited about. It's been a long time since they've had something to be excited about. They look pretty sharp last night. With the exception of the free throw line, of course. They're always the most painful free throw shooting team in the world.

Yeah, it feels that way. But I saw a club last night that was cutting hard to the basket. I saw a club last night with great passing to those cutters, sharing the basketball, rebounding. Yeah, love the sequence when Grove blocked the shot. in the first half, and then on the other end, they run the fast break back to Grove as he blocked a dunk attempt. Right. And they run the play back to Grove. He gets fouled.

But, I mean, that's the kind of hustle that you want to see all the time. And, you know, I don't know what the vagus line was on what the spread was for this game. but I know the gophers had to have been a big underdog. So for them to do what they did last night, proves that if you work hard and you play great defense and you play together, crazy things can happen. All right, you mentioned the spread. You mentioned the spread.

I don't know what it was either, but we just received a text from Brotato Chip Jesus, who said, you're welcome for the Golden Gophers win last night. I never bet on sports, he said, but I put $20 on Indiana last night based on what Brad and Randy said yesterday. Oh, no. You owe a man $20. Well, I don't owe him.

I mean, he made that. You and Brad, you can split it. He's an adult. He made a decision. No, he just texted he's a seven-year-old. With a gambling problem. Yeah, exactly, with a gambling problem. Pretty impressive, though.

They need some help from me. the bench if they have one. Well, they don't. That was also clear last night. The starters played 90% of last night's ballgame. And obviously that's not sustainable over the course of a Big Ten season. That makes it extremely difficult to have success. They have injuries that have put them in this situation. What I'm saying, though, is there's a light here

at the end of the tunnel. I think people, I think that's what we have to take away from. They may end up being sub 500 in the Big Ten. They may end up not having a great, who knows what's going to happen. But last night, I think, is proof that there is something that's happening there under NICO that hopefully can, in the next year or two or three, put people back in the seats in the barn. Let's keep it. You know what I always say to my favorite ball clubs. Go ahead and be a dick.

every team's motto should be let's be dicks about this that's the right attitude to have especially when you're just a bunch of nobodies and everyone thinks you're going to be terrible have them let's be dicks let's ruin everybody else's season well um they did that last night yeah just just in their play the hustle and right the defense and they made some big shots when they needed them and let's be dicks about this cubby impressive it's funny my son my youngest plays basketball and his older brother had said the same thing to him. You know, you've got to be a bigger dick out there.

Let him know you're there. He's like, you know, you're improving in this way and that way, but you need to be more aggressive and not just aggressive, but be a dick. Be a dick. And he did, one game he was and he was much better. Next up, the Golden Gophers play at the number one team in the country, the Purdue boiler makers, so they

ought to, I mean, and Josh knows very well, I'm sick and tired of losing to Purdue. That ought to be a hell of a deal. Should be fun. I mean, it's a great start. They haven't beaten Indiana, and I don't know how many years. It had been five or six years since they had beaten Indiana.

Yeah. And that's with some decent teams that Ben Johnson had along the way, too. Yeah. Yeah, so great job by Nico. The running joke on Twitter last night after the game was saying, hey, it's a nice win, but we all know Indiana is a football school. Sure. They don't give a rat's ass asses.

about their basketball program. No, not Indiana. The wolves wrap up their three-day drunk in New Orleans tonight. Yeah, how will they play tonight? What's the line on this game? They're all going to be wearing sunglasses. Yeah, exactly. I hope something went down that caused them to make a 30-for-30

about yesterday in the Timberlilash. The greatest victory while hung over. Yeah, exactly. What if I told you, a collection of 12 men who had been partying for 36 straight hours? They got a game again tonight against the Pelicans, and then they get the hell out of New Orleans as fast as possible. Well, here's the thing.

They usually start so terribly. The Timberwolves are, in my opinion, a third quarter team. The first half, they always look so disengaged. So it's going to be hard to tell if they're hung over or not, because normally in the first half, they don't look so friggin sharp. Right. I hope they had fun. Well, I'll give the NBA schedule maker,

credit here because this is their only trip to New Orleans, right? So they played the two games basically back to back and they don't have to go back. So I hope you enjoyed New Orleans because you don't have to worry about going back there again.

You threw up on the sidewalk in New Orleans once, didn't you? Oh, my God. Oh, Nick, it was so bad. Was it sea breezes or what was the hurricanes? No, no, no. It was the hurricanes. That'll get you. Hurricanes and rum runners was not good. Do you remember that story, Ashley or Randy Schaever

as a professional journalist threw up on the sidewalk in New Orleans, which they've never seen before in New Orleans. Isn't that the story where they had to like send your clothes back? That's correct. Oh, I don't remember that part. What happened? Oh, God, Josh. I don't need to tell the story. I think people want to hear that.

We were there for actually we did the an exhibition game on care it was a TV game. So I was part of the broadcast. And we had a whole bunch, Chad Hartman was there. We had a whole bunch of people.

Keith Nord, God bless him. Sure. Was there. And so, um, it's an exhibition game. You're not taking it too serious. Well, this is after the games.

After the game. It was just, it was an S show for me. I just, I just, uh, you cut loose. A little, a little overboard. And we had jumbalia for dinner. Oh, yeah.

So that was not the combination, right? And so. Man, I love that stuff. I got sick on the sidewalk. And then I, in the hotel room, late, got sick, like crazy in the bathroom, barely made the flight. Tried to check out of the hotel twice. I was still drunk. It was so bad.

I had to leave some clothes there. It was just so bad. So anyway, a week later, they sent my clothes to my house, and they had not, of course, not watched them or anything. And so when I opened them up, the pack is like, oh boy, those nice people, they set me my clothes back. I opened it up and I went, oh my God.

That's gross. It looked like a war zone. It was just like, oh my God. There was dried vomit still on your clothing? It was, yes sir. You just chuck it or do you put it in the wash? Oh, I chucked it. Did you ever figure out your pants? No.

So that sounds like New Orleans. Yeah. I love. I love it. I I love New Orleans. It's a lot of fun. But yeah, I'm okay. I've been there enough now that I'm okay. I don't need to go back. A couple texts on the topic. This person says, if you don't throw up on Bourbon Street, did you really visit? You didn't do it right. And Candy Sheez has said, tell Randy I've been having a horrible morning. And this throwing up story has changed that for me. Yeah. It's a measurable feeling. Well, we'll see how they play. If they get off to a decent start tonight, then maybe they went to bed at a decent hour.

Right. It's not like they played back-to-back nights. No. They had all day yesterday to kind of relax. Somebody get me a bucket of that jumbalaya, I'm telling you, right? It's good. I love that stuff. Dana, you could go to New Orleans for a week and smuggle jambalaya

back to Minnesota in your armpits, and I'd still eat it. Oh, that stuff is good. All right, we mentioned yesterday that the Los Angeles Clippers gassed the cone. Right. Chris Paul. Yeah. Word is they cut the cone

from their roster because the cone wasn't shy in telling coaches and teammates and management that they sucked. And the clippers couldn't handle that kind of thing. Their feelings were hurt.

I heard that he and Tyrone Lou did not speak to each other. No. So that's not good when you're not talking to your coach. the cone and head coach Ty Lou had not been on speaking terms for several weeks. Yeah, yeah. I don't like the cone.

I don't. The wolves are going to end up signing them, aren't they? I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't. They already have a veteran point guard in Conley. I don't think they need to add Chris Ball. But they could use another point guard with an ability to score with experience.

Yeah, he doesn't. have an ability to score anymore. Is it over now for the cone? Yeah, he really doesn't. The clippers felt that the cone had become disruptive. They did not like that he had the balls to tell his teammates and his coach, this is wrong, that's wrong. He would tell management, you're doing that wrong.

They were too sensitive about it. Well, yeah. Now, I don't follow social media. My wife does, and she was scrolling through social media last night, and she said a lot of NBA fans were lighten up the clippers for being bunch of soft-ass sissies and not being able to take a little criticism from a veteran player. Yeah, who's been around and knows what good basketball looks like, right? I'll say one of the Clippers' issues also is you've got, you know,

Kauai Leonard who plays like every other game. Jesus. You know what I mean? Oh, yes. Yeah, I mean, there's, and James Harden is still a good player. but I mean they've got they've got some issues for sure

Kawhi Leonard's laugh I'd forgotten about that he is just the most boring player in the history of basketball Kauai Leonard bores me to tears What makes you say that?

There's nothing exciting about his style There is zero flash to his game. And it is ridiculous how little he has played over the last few years. It's ridiculous. Yeah. James Harden drives me nuts, too. But anyway, right. I had forgotten about Kawhi Leonard's laugh. Kawhi Leonard is the poster boy for load management. Dude. Yeah.

And injuries. Yeah. Here's a text from former baggage handling Jesus. He says he loves when local television people get drunk in public. He says he once saw a local weatherman in Florida, piss drunk at the airport. That's awesome. Oh, and hey, that's the weather guy. He's hammered.

He's friggin' destroyed. This guy enjoys seeing his local news anchors and meteorologist hammered. Let loose once in a while. Yeah, because he looks so professional and buttoned up on TV. Right, right. Have a few laughs. Will you, Randy? Trying.

It's okay that you puked on the sidewalk in New Orleans. Makes you human. You cut loose. Josh and I once got terribly drunk with one of your ex-co-co-workers, Randy Schaeber. Oh, yeah. The one TV guy, he was at your golf event. This is 20 years ago. We had a lot of fun with him.

He was great. We had a riot talking to him. And next thing you know, I think just in front of me, I had 17 empty Mick Golden Light Cans in front of me. Oh, we just got hammered and it was a riot. Yeah, it was no one you'd predict. It wasn't like Perkins or something where you'd go, oh, yeah, I could see that. It was an older guy.

I don't think we'd ever met him before. No. Jesus, I think we got to your golf event that morning at 9 a.m. And I think we walked out of the country club at 10.45 p.m. Supported by security on the other side. Jesus, we've got to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning. Hey, speaking of basketball, 28 years ago today. Campaldiba, it's been 28 years.

Latrell Spreewell tried to murder PJ Carlissimo. Are you little? Lettrell Spreewell choked and threatened to kill his coach at the time, P.J. Carlissimo, when LaTrell was playing for the Golden State Warrior. What a great story that was. Remember the pictures of the red marks on PJ Carlisi Mosin.

Oh, yeah, on his neck. He had a, he had a kung fu grip on PJ. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah, and then how many years later he's playing here for the Timberwell? Yep. Timberwool. I forgot.

What does it say here? It doesn't mention how long was he? Oh, here it is. He was suspended for one year by the National Basketball Association for Joe. and his coach. I don't know. Once a while, you know, you've got to go after the coach. Is that right?

I mean, that's what I say. I mean, I know that they've got the title, but that doesn't always mean they're the best person for the job. Sometimes kids, listen to me. Sometimes you've got to go after the coach. It doesn't mean physically. The pigs are in Calgary tonight. Might as well just hand them the cup.

State of hockey. At this point, right the way the pigs you're playing? Yeah. They're awesome. And they better win tonight because Calgary's terrible. Crown them, Cubby. Yeah, go for it. And if you're looking for a place to watch the game tonight,

we have our latest brotherhood in the box up in Maple Grove. Chanticleer pizza from 7 to 9 will be hanging out with her pals from Coors Light, giving away cool jerseys and sweatshirts and all that kind of stuff. Coors Light Specials. You can't afford Maple Grove. I know. They're making an exception. They are.

Poor kid scholarship. Wow, you're up in my neck of the little. woods now. Yeah. Oh, can I come sleep over? No. Brood. I show up to Randy's at 10.30.

Hey, I need a place to crash. Randy, I can't sleep until you tuck me in. And a warm glass of milk, please. What's the joint in Maple Grove? Chanticleer pizza. Oh, for Pete's sake. Yeah, the pigs are in Calgary tonight. Go watch the game with Dana.

You know, Mr. Hockey. Golden Gold. For Dudes play a silly Thursday night game tonight, the first of two at Ohio State. All right? Okay. Fair enough. Josh told us a few minutes ago, tonight's episode of Thursday night football spotlights a game between the Dallas Cowboys on one side and the Detroit Lions on the other. You're calling it a big one?

It's a monster game for both those teams who are on the outside looking in to the NFC playoffs, which is surprising for Detroit, maybe not so much for Dallas. but it's a monster game for both teams. On the way up, we're going to buy the kneecap off. That is what's his nuts again, I can't recall. Dan Campbell. Mr. Campbell. What if the Lions miss the playoffs by one game and they think,

how did we let J.J. McCarthy end our season? Yeah. It's very possible that they could. I mean, both teams have basically the same record, but it feels like the two teams are going different directions. It feels like Dallas is on the move back to possibly making the playoffs, and it feels like the Lions are sinking without a chance to make it. So it's crazy.

How's that Dan Campbell Dork doing these days? Are people about burned out on his nonsense or what? It's definitely cooled down a little bit, but I don't think anybody's burned out, are they? I mean, specifically Lions fans, seeing how he just continues to go for it on fourth down at every turn. And they never meet. Make it on fourth down. Also, remember, he basically demoted his offensive coordinator about four weeks ago and took over the play calling duties too.

Yeah. So, I mean, there's been a lot of criticism, I think, of what's going on to Detroit right now. Apparently, and unfortunately, Washington Commodore's quarterback Jaden Daniels might not play Sunday here in town against the once proud Vikings. That dude's a pimp. I'd love to see him play here. at the new Metro. I think there's a chance he might play.

Oh. I've been seeing, you know, that there's a possibility that he might play. And I think that's why, one of the reasons why I think Vegas has the commanders as a favorite to win in Minnesota on Sunday, which is just crazy. Well, that will be great. I'd love to see the kid play. I'm a big fan. Yeah. As you noted yesterday, Randy Schaber, the Commodores have lost seven games in a row.

and we talked about how their defense sounds brutal. Yeah, they're struggling. So this could be the cookie that our kid, JJ, needs to make him feel better for a couple of hours before reality session. Especially a home game where the weather, there's no weather issues. So, yeah. As we mentioned a few days ago, Philadelphia Eagles offensive coordinator Kevin Petulow had his house egged by angry morons. Sometime after the Eagles lost to the Bears last week, Darylick showed up in, I'm sure, his fancy, schmancy neighborhood,

and egged his house. Petulah was asked about it, and he said that the derelicts, quote, crossed the line. He has more or less said that he's going to kick somebody's ass if it's the last thing he ever does. He's pissed off about this egging. Yeah, I don't blame him. I think anybody would be.

There's also a rumor going around, Josh, that one of the derelicts got into his house and took a sh in his laundry basket. No. The laundry basket. The manure was not mine. It's a rumor that I heard that someone got into the house and took a sh in his laundry basket

and then ran like hell. Wiped and then ran like out. That's pretty scary to think that someone got into your house. Yeah. And they took the time to press one out. They took the time to remove their pants and underwear and press one out into

their laundry. Yeah. I mean, yeah, for some folks, I can take a long time. I know some people that can quick change just like Superman, though. We're like, how the heck did you do that so fast? Was it solid? I don't understand. That's scary.

I don't know. I don't know. But the dude is pissed. What else is going on around here? Oh, that Lane Kiffin, dude. Speaking of unruly fans, Lane Kiffin, okay, as most of you know, he recently took a walk on the University of Mississippi football program. Right as they're about ready to play in the playoff, right, Randy Shaver?

Right, yeah. They have basically secured a spot in the college football playoffs, yeah. Conference title games are this weekend? Yep. Okay. So Lane Kiffin. They're not in the conference title game, by the way, in the SEC, but they'll qualify for the playoffs.

Gotcha. Lane Kiffin decides, no, no, I'm going to go over here next door to Louisiana State University. He's not going to finish out the season coaching the, how do they call their ball club again, the rebels? Ole Miss, yep. I'm sure a lot of Mississippi football fans are hot about that whole situation. and here's some proof. Kiffin claims an old Miss fan tried to run him off the road a couple days ago.

He and his son were driving summers, and he said that a fan tried to run him off the road. Now, surprisingly, he says there are no hard feelings toward the guy. I'd have some feelings about that if I were him. Well, I'd feel bad that I frustrated an individual that much, but yeah, I might kind of have some... If I got my kid in the car.

Yeah. It didn't have to be a life or death situation here. Right. Yeah. I mean, you could have cussed me out at like an embers or something. Right. You got to roll the window down, gave me the finger, moon me, whatever. Yeah.

He has no hard feelings. Yeah. He and his son in the motor vehicle. He said, that's just the passion of the SEC. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, football is life. in that part of the country.

There's just no doubt, and especially when you bring it back like they did at Ole Miss and to make the college football playoffs for the first time, and then you walk away. Yeah. So who tried to kill you? Oh, a fan.

Yeah, seriously. A guy who liked me a week ago. Right. Well, Kiffin also said, this guy, is he all there or what? He also said the fact that a Ole Miss fan tried to theoretically kill he and his son behind the wheel.

He said it means they really liked what we were doing here. If they didn't love him so much, they wouldn't be so mad at him that they try to kill him on the highway. That's kind of a twisted way to look at it. He's a glass half full guy. This guy has optimism in droves. 651-0-715, Jesus isn't buying it. He said, oh, give me a break.

That was one of his mistresses. Good cover lane. Oh, man. Yeah, the cops would say, maybe, you know, can you describe the individual? Well, she was a, I mean, he was this big, ugly bastard. Had all kinds of old misgear run. Yeah, he had a running rebels. They're not the running rebels.

that's a UNLV. They're just the rebels, sorry. Yeah. I mean, damn. Randy Schaber, I imagine if that would have happened to you when one of your kids were young, you would have some feelings on that. Oh, I would have feelings. Yeah, for sure.

Randy jumps from CAR-11 to WCCO and some CAREleven loyalists or chasing them off the road. Yeah, doubt that very much. What? 73-year-old tool fan, Jesus, texted in. I got a buddy who grew up in Wiscoe. You can tell. You can smell it on him. Oh, there's a smell.

Yeah, from across the room. He often talks about, you know, he and his dad, typical setup. He and his dad would sit down every Sunday and watch the Packer games. And he said there was never a time where his dad was more upset than when Forrest Gregg was the head coach of the Packers. Late 70s into the early 80s, Randy, when Forrest Greg? Yep. Yeah. Who was a legendary Packer?

or great player. Yes. Things didn't go so well, unless I'm forgetting something. Maybe they were a wild card once when Forrest Gregg was coaching the past. But it just generally wasn't a great era for that team. My buddy tells me when he would sit down and watch the Packer games, when Forrest Craig was head coach, his dad would just go nuclear at every failed play. Here's a listener, 73-year-old Tool fan Jesus, who says,

a Packer fan killed Forrest Gregg's dog when Greg was the head coach of the Packers. That is terrible. Further, going further in the conversation of crazy fans who get upset over their favorite ball club. That really happened? I don't know. That's just a text.

Someone might want to look that up on Forrest Greg's Wikipedia page. Who was it that, who was the coach recently? that had his dogs. Oh, oh, the dude who is, um, offensive coordinator in Dallas now, Randy. His dad was a coach. Schopenheimer, shot. He's the head, he's the head coach.

Oh, sorry, okay. The head coach of Dallas. Yeah. Donnie Schottenheimer. What's his name? I don't know. Marty's son. Marty's son.

Right. He, yeah, he said things have kind of sucks since he moved, since he moved to Dallas. Didn't he say that two of his dogs were bitten by rattlesnakes? Yeah, hell. Man. Okay, so the rattlesnakes, I don't think they did that because of the Cowboys' Records. You have to bite the rattled snake off in front of your dog and show them.

Like, look what I did for you. Look how much I love you. Dogs would appreciate it. So did you find anything on Wikipedia, Dana, on Forrest Gregg and his dead dog? Didn't see anything about that, Nora. I did. It said it's an urban legend. Oh.

Oh. Yeah, I didn't want to be the one to look that up just in case. There's pictures. I don't need any tears. Even just reading it will make me upset. All right. Speaking of rumors, now we've got somebody or another. By the way, Marty's son's name is Brian Schottenheimer.

That's right. We got someone texting in saying that Lane Kiffin had to leave Mississippi because he was messing around with a college girl. Oh, I don't think that's true. Uh-oh. Well, he's not going too far away. You don't land a job at LSU because of a college girl. There's been plenty of people with a lot higher jobs.

that have ruined it over a girl or doing something shady. Well, sure, sure. All I'm saying is if I'm the head coach of Mississippi's football team and I've got something cooking with a college girl and I want to leave town to avoid the controversy, I'm going a lot further away than Louisiana State University. I'm taking a job in Biafra. They have college football in Biafra.

Do they not? I don't even think that's a thing anymore. What's the name of that Biafran college football team that you're always talking about? I've never once brought them up. After Saturday's win over Stupid Wisconsin, the Golden Gopher Football Club have ended their regular season

with a 7 and 5 record. We're all pumped. PJ is the man. Clearly, all he does is win. Bro the boat scatima and go over Big Ten Network. So they'll play in a bowl game for the fifth straight season. So here are the latest projections, Randy Shaver. Okay.

As far as what game PJ and the boys will be invited to play in? All right. which one do you like? Okay. We have got something or another called the rate bowl, and they will play Kansas State. Okay. Where is it played? The rate bowl, I don't know.

Okay. I think it used to be the guaranteed rate bowl, but the guarantee has been thrown out the window. The key here is where the game is going to be played. All right. Because if and when it's being played. Because I want someplace warm. I don't want to go. plays cold. If this is correct, Arizona.

Ooh. Okay. Well, it's awful warm there. Sure. Three experts predict, and I think this was brought up a couple days ago here on this program ski, three some bitches here predict they'll play in New York City. Oh, gosh, I hope they don't do that. In something called the pinstripe ball. Pinstripe ball. Is that played at Yankee Stadium?

Yes, it is. That's correct. And the three possible opponents there would be Pittsburgh. Duke or Georgia Tech, the rambling wreck of Georgia Tech? None of those do anything for me except Georgia Tech's quarterback's coach is the former Creighton star Chris Winky. So there's a slight connection. Wasn't Ace Ventura working along with a partner called Mr. Winky? Or he introduced us at the end of the movie. Did he not introduce us to Mr. Winking?

He did. Yeah. Oh, that's right. He was in partnership with Dan Marino. Dan Marino. Anyway. The Music City Bowl. Oh, that's in Nashville, right?

Sounds right to me. Yeah. And this prediction is that they would play the aforementioned Louisiana State Tigers. Ooh, that would be fun. Yes. That would be my number one choice. Yeah, let's do that one. Let's play LSU.

Yeah, that would be my number one choice. First of all, Nashville's great to go to. Even this time of year, it'd be fun. Yeah. Everyone loves Nashville now. It's like this is the hippest, the trendiest thing. Yep, yep. People are obsessed at that place.

And I've actually covered the gophers when they played in this bowl game in Nashville. Yeah. The Music City Bowl, way back in the day, yeah. And I imagine walking down. the sidewalk way back in the day in Nashville was nothing like what you might see today? I don't think so, no. No. Did you spend any time going on?

I probably did, but I don't recall it as much. Did Kid Rock have a bar back then? Am I thinking of the right place? Hold on. Can you look up where the Music City Bowl is? Is it in Memphis or is it in Nashville? You got me, brough. Dana's going to look it up.

Dana, look it up. Because if it's, I remember going to Memphis. Nashville. Well, then Memphis had a game two because we were on Beale Street for we were there for some gopher football bowl game two. I don't remember what that one was called. Dude, I remember what you're talking about.

Correct me if I'm wrong. But I think that was the Independence Bowl. Ah, there you go. And the coach for the Golden Gopers at that point was John Goudicunds. That's John Goody. It was Goody, baby. God, am I good or what, John? And I think that was the game, Nick.

that he took over after Lou Holtz left. Okay. I think that was one of it, because I think they played Clemson in that game when Danny Ford was coaching for Clemson. F me running. I remember it like it was yesterday. Goody.

Yeah, John Goody Goody Goody Cootto. Here's a text message that says, Lane Kiffin is not banging college chicks. That's Bill Bealec's job. Ah, yes. That's right. Well, all I see is him spending time with his granddaughter. What is this rumor about?

No, that's his girlfriend. That's his girlfriend or not? I mean, that could be a great granddaughter, really. But, yeah, it's his girlfriend. Oh, I thought maybe he was just spending time with his attractive granddaughter. Seems that way, doesn't. Well, he must be finding time to do other things because according to ESPN's recruiting articles yesterday and today, North Carolina has the 12th best recruiting class in the country.

Wow. So he must be finding time to get out and get good football players. They just want to come see his relationship with his granddaughter. Give him a little bit of credit. By the way, the gophers are rated 32 on that same list, which is amazing. There you go. Or 30, rather. Randy, listeners are saying maybe Memphis was the Liberty Bowl.

There you go. That's it. Let's go with it. Here's a listener who says he just went to Matt. How do you call that city? Nashville? Nashville. I wanted to call it Mashbill.

He just went there. He ordered two shots of Patron, a Crown Royal, and Coke, and a long neck Budweiser, and it cost him $78. Yeah, that's not surprising. It's Vegas prices now. Yeah, yeah. Randy Shaver, you're ready to have your D knocked into the dirt? Here's an article that popped up a couple days ago. Is there any world where Miguel Sineau is an option at first base for the 20 and 20,

No. No, there's not. No, there's not. Clemens is going to play first base, so I don't think that's the issue. It sounds like fun, doesn't it? It does. No.

Oh, it doesn't sound like fun. When they trade Buxton, or they trade Joe Ryan, or whatever they end up doing, maybe they get some MLB ready players in return that could play those positions. Well, somebody wrote up an article about how

Miguel Seno, who I had totally forgotten about, is killing it in the Dominican Winter League. I don't think that's going to mean a lot. He didn't even play for anybody last year, right? I don't think so. I don't think he was on a roster last year. He's killing it in the Dominican Winter League, and of course, as we all know, the twins have a need for cheap

ballplayers because they're trying to save money at every turn. That is true. Yes, they are. Does a reunion makes sense. Randy Schaber says no. I just don't think so, no. Miguel Seno was one of the best slash worst radio interviews I ever had. It was right before his rookie year, right before opening day. They brought him

in for the show. We're all excited and the PR guy pulls me aside. He goes, hey, just so you know his English is kind of still a work in progress. I go, okay, all right, we'll make it work. And we introduce him. Miguel, Sano, we've been waiting so long. You're finally here. How are you feeling? And he grabs the mic with two hands

and puts his mouth like this. He goes, yo, yo, yo, Yo, it's Miguel Seno on the Rodasjo. And we all started laughing. We're like, oh, okay, this will be kind of fun. And we're like, so Miguel, how you feel? An opening day tomorrow, you know, you're getting nerves. What are you thinking? He goes, yo, yo, yo, Miguel, Sano on the Rodichol.

Okay, less funny the second time. You just got to keep doing it like family guy. And by the 10th or 13th, you'll see it's genius. Yeah. And then so then we ask him a question, you know, what's like, you know, having a lockers next in like Maher and Morneau. And then he just kind of looks over at the PR guy. and he's like, yeah, go ahead, answer.

And he goes, Maur. I'm like, okay, all right, this is going great. Keep going. Well, we had to cut it so short, but we were so excited because it was such a big deal that Miguel Sanoa was finally in town. We just kept waiting and waiting and waiting for them. They talked about them for years.

Yes, they did. I love him. Yo, yo, yo, this is Miguel Sino on the what? The Rottichot. Rodit show? What does that mean? Radio. I think he was trying to.

say radio, but he kept saying Rodichow. Oh, oh, gotcha. That's awesome. We wrap that one up pretty quick. What's Biongho Park up to? Can we call Bung Ho Park? You could call him. See what he's up to? I got an authentic Bung Ho Park jersey at the Twins Pro Shop for $7.50. You still have it?

Yeah. I'll buy that off of you. I'll try to dig it out, yeah. Because I had a bunger jersey. Jersey. We called them the bunger back in the day on this show, Bungho Park. I got a bunger shirzy, and I don't know what happened to it.

I think it fell off of me up in Brainerd at the racetrack, and I never found it. No, you wouldn't. So let's negotiate. Cool. Because I'd love to have a, I'll tell you what, where was he from again? Bung Ho Park. I think Japan, wasn't he? Korea?

Or Korean? I can't remember. I thought it was Korea, but maybe what's... But I'll say this. I was at a home game when the bunger came. to town, people were excited. He was this monster home run hitter in his home

country. Didn't pan out here. But I went to one home game where he hit a friggin' bomb. Damn near to Minnie and Paul. You know what I'm talking about? Damn near left the park. And I was sitting near some big fans of his who had traveled all. Where is he from again? South Korea. South Korea.

I was sitting near some South Korean folks who had traveled all the way to Minnesota to see the game. They had signs indicating as such. They came uncorked when that home run was hit, and I could not help but have just a blast being near those people. This was also the time when international players, there weren't a lot of them. So, you know, the twins were kind of one of the first teams to sign players like that. we see it all the time, right? Yeah. You see it all the time from these KBO leagues and everything, these players coming over.

Or I've seen three, I think, American players who went over to play in Japan or even Korea, I'm not sure, and resurrected their careers and have resigned with Major League teams for a ton of money. Guys that have gone over and give you an example. There's a guy by the name of Ponce, Cody Ponce, just signed with the Blue Jays, three years, 30 million. He went over to Japan and went 17 and 1 with an ERA of 1.89. He developed a couple of pitches that he didn't have when he was over here playing in the major leagues, went over there, developed his pitches, and then re-signed to come back and play. story. So you're seeing not only international players, but American players go over there and try to figure some things out and then come back and resign.

This is great. You know, Miguel Sino, when he was here with the twins, one of his biggest problems was his weight. He could not. That and striking out. Well, yeah. A listener, 651-0-715, Jesus said he thinks it was Sano. he thinks this quote from Ron Gardenhire was about Sineau. One time or another, Gardy set of a player.

I asked him to come to training camp in shape, not A shape. Because he did put on a little pouch. A little punch, Miguel Sineau did. All right, there you go, Randy Shaver. We're going to shut her down. we'll let you get some rest. All right. And we'll talk to you tomorrow for the final final.

Sounds good. Thanks, dude. We'll be back here in a few minutes on the 93X half-assed morning show. The 93x half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pips? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer.

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providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey there. I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Joe, you know what's been great about being a saver?

More money in the bank. And that money over the past couple of years has made a pretty good yield. Pre-pandemic, money was making zero. Now it's actually making something, but that's starting to go down, down, down. I love how we can play the fact that inflation's been really high as a positive. But if you're a saver, you know what that means? Soaring, Joe, silver lining. Afford anything.

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Thank you kindly for dialing up the 93X half-ass morning show. Here we F and go. It is 828. A cold morning says here it's six below zero. My word. Don't miss our live outdoor broadcast tomorrow morning at Hardee's and Zimmerman. No. Tomorrow morning broadcasting live from Hardee's.

Smashley. What's up? All right. I don't care what management or your paycheck says about. you, I think you're doing all right around here. Thank you. I like your style. I like working with you.

You find stuff that cracks me up. Ashley found something here that picks on us dudes. And we deserve it. We're frigging jackasses. We do dumb things. We say dumb things. We look dumb in general, don't we? I can't argue with any of that.

Yeah. Maybe this is the liquor talking, but she found something, a report on creepy things that dudes do that we're unobes. aware of. Whatever. I was pretty safe on this. I was kind of worried there might be some stuff on. I wonder if these, who wins the most creepiness of war around here?

I guess we'll find out. Creepy things that dudes do that we're unaware of. Now, the one that grabbed me, I don't know how far we can go with this. I don't. But the one that grabbed me instantly was when a guy asks a girl, So you got a boyfriend? And she says, yes. And then he responds with, yeah, well, then where is he?

I've heard that one. I hate that. That cracked me up. I don't know why. What do you mean? But picturing a guy who would be as dumb, who would be dumb enough and have balls enough to say that. Oh, yeah, where is he? Working.

Yeah. Again, I don't know why that grabbed me the way that it did, but just picturing that is so frigging. Yeah, I was just going to say that is very douchy. That I had to give you crew. Well, where is he now? When you did that setup, I didn't know if you're going to go that way or the other one where he asked a woman, do you have a boyfriend? She goes, yes.

Then you say, do you want a man friend? Oh, gross. If anybody ever said that to me, I'd spit on them. I've never even heard of that one. That is really, really dumb. Yeah. That's even worse. It might be, yeah.

See, because the guy you're with now, nothing but a little boy. Me? I'm a man. Oh, man, baby. You know, it makes it worse is I think you kind of have to think about that for a second to understand what they mean. What? Oh, okay, yeah, that was really stupid. That is so dumb.

Well, Ashley, so the first one on the list was when a guy talks to a girl, look straight into their eyes and adjust their penis at the same time. Yeah, they like pull on their pants a little bit. Has that ever, people do that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, while looking you in the eye. I think a lot of guys don't even notice that they're doing it. Okay, so it's not an intentional like, hey, look.

what you're doing to my private parts. No, I told you about the old-timer that I worked for, didn't work for. I've told you about the old-timer that I worked with when I was a 19-20-year-old kid who just had this glitch, this tick sort of a thing, where he was constantly, and it was this, I mean, pulling. Oh, yeah, like a dick-tick. Is that what you call a dick-tick? I'm going to call it that.

Yeah. Every turn he made, he was pulling at the front of his jeans, the crotch of his jeans. Maybe his pecker was in there somewhere. I don't know. Maybe he was just adjusting his pants, but it looked like he was playing with himself. He was this old man, harmless as the day is long. Anyone who knew him for five minutes knew this wasn't any kind of a perverted thing he was doing. and he just had this bad habit.

And eventually, one of my coworkers yelled at him about it and made the guy feel horrible, and it was just a really bad moment. I kept saying to this coworker, don't bring it up, don't bring it up. He doesn't know he's doing it. He's a harmless old man. But one of my coworkers eventually snapped at him during a conversation and said, well, you stop playing with yourself, for Christ's sake. And the old guy, just he walked away like a sad dog with his tail between.

You might have to say that, too. your son at some point, Ashley. Yeah, I'm sure. Stop doing that. Stop messing with that thing. Quick boing with your dinghy. You have a son? Yeah. Yeah, where is he now?

I mean, okay. Yeah, we are, we're just dumb. Creepy things that we do that we're unaware of. Oh, oh. Is it creepy to keep nudes of your ex-girlfriends? Is that creepy? 100%. I don't think my wife would like that.

Although I never really... What business is it of your wife's? Well, she is my wife. I don't know that I've really ever had a lot of those. I mean, it wasn't as prevalent when I met my wife, you know, didn't have quite the same phone technology as you do now. Yeah, I don't think I'd even have any to save if I wanted to. How many of you out there, 651, 9893-93,

How many of you still have nudes of your axe on your cell phone? Yeah, I think that's really weird. Or Polaroids maybe in the secret drawer in the basement behind the softener salt and the... Oh, man, I got a buddy with books upon books of Polaroids. Of naked people or just in general? Just in general? Like nature photos? No, naked folks.

Yeah, and this, I mean, this doesn't go for, obviously, if you're a guy and you have pictures of your axe and you have a new girlfriend, that's probably a no-no. But, like, I think just in general, once you guys break up, they have to be deleted. What? Oh, so you're saying for your significant others or your former, just respect out of the former person. Yeah. Yeah, it comes down to, yeah, respect. Oh, I agree with that.

Out of respect for your exes. Yeah. Interesting. That makes sense to me. According to what I'm reading, it's just something else that we dudes do. That's creepy. When we ask women where they work, does that give you the creeps? What do you do for a living?

And you say, well, I'm a balloon animal artist. And then the next question, if the next question is, where do you work? Is that creepy, Ashley? If they're, I mean, if they're asking like the company, that's different. But if they're like, you know, where? Where do you work? I even get worded out when people are like. Give me the address.

Yeah, like, oh, where, where's the station? And I'm like, oh, you know, it's kind of over by here. And they're like, no, but like, what, like, what's the address? I'm like, you don't need to know that. And if you really want to, just Google it. I don't, I feel uncomfortable with this. Does that really creep you out? Yeah.

A stranger. Like, why are you going to come there? Whether it be a man or a woman, I suppose a stranger doesn't need those specifics. Yeah. Like, where do you park specific? Yeah. And what time can I expect you? What time do you guys get there?

What kind of car do you drive? That's great. Where do you park? Butchers hack Jesus reminds me that you're right. Right when my wife and I started dating for nudes, it was chiseled in stones. It didn't take forever, but it was worth it. There were drawings using aerotips soaked in animal blood. Like, ooh, that's sexy. I'd imagine there's probably, I mean, you guys are perverts.

So there's probably some nudes of you guys floating around something. Somewhere, right? God help us all. I would think so. I would hope not because one of the people that would have pictures, I know that he is at least respectful enough to delete them. But anybody before him, I was under 18, so those should be deleted. Oh, gosh, yeah.

Ashley says it's creepy when we dudes use pet names when you're a complete stranger. Excuse me, sweetheart. Oh, that's gross. I like that when old ladies do it if they're like working at the gas station or something. I don't know why. Yeah, they call you honey. Yeah, hey, hon. You like to be called hon at the gas station.

Yeah, I think that's cute. But when a guy says to a woman, you know, nice to meet you, baby. I guess it really depends on what they're using and what their age is. Because like a really cute old man, I'm talking like 75 plus. He called me, hon or sweetheart. Of course. That's adorable.

You know, he's probably not hitting on you. Yeah. Just some effect. There are exceptions to all of these. So is it creepy, Ashley, when a guy gives an... I know a couple of these some bitches. When a guy gives an overly intense compliment, like, for example, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. If somebody's ever said something like that to me, I usually respond like, no, I'm not.

No, I'm not. You must not get out of the house very often. That doesn't make any logistical sense. Have you ever seen the internet? Well, a couple weeks ago, you said you weren't troubled at all by a man who might approach you and his first words would be, I love you. That's so, I don't know. I feel like you can shock that up to just being awkward, though. I suppose in some situations.

There's some semblance of humor there, right? Hey, dudes, heads up. It's apparently creepy. When we hold the door. door open for a woman for an extraordinarily long amount of time watching them as they walk to the door. I was afraid of this one because, Josh, I know that you're so polite. You probably hold the door open for everybody, even if they're like a mile away. They just parked their car.

I'm getting better at that because you could tell they're like, oh, son of a gun, I got to jog. So yeah, I try and time it out a little better. But the family, we went out to a restaurant a couple weeks ago, and I basically lived at the door. kept coming in and out of whatever. Well, I'm just going to sit down in a chair to hold this thing open. Unnecessary touching. Yeah, I don't like that at all. I had to talk to a particular person about touching other people's girlfriends.

Eventually, one of the girlfriends is like, can you please mention to this guy? It's making us uncomfortable. Do not put your hand on the small of my back. Yes. You are not my significant othered. That was one of the things they asked me to bring up and then also just coming up from behind and giving you a little shoulder, my side. Oh my gosh.

Are people that will, like, boop you? Just don't touch me. You don't need to touch me. The shoulder massage guy. Come on. You know a couple shoulder massage guys. Oh, yeah. This is the same guy that would, like, give your girlfriend or whatever a hug and kiss her.

Like a little too close to the mouth on the side of the cheek. I know a shoulder massage guy. He thinks the exact opposite. he's getting the exact opposite result than what he's thinking. Sorry if you know who you are, shoulder massage guy. But whenever you do that, the women usually approach me and say, oh my God, I thought he would never take his hands off of me. Sorry shoulder massage guy, but it's not working.

Not to mention everybody knows what you're doing. It's having the exact opposite result, dude. unnecessary touching. Yeah, yeah, okay. I mean, yeah, this isn't news. We know, like I said, we're dumb. We say dumb things. We do dumb things.

We look dumb. There are a few things that we dudes do that are creepy and we're unaware of it. So I guess look at this as hopefully for some of you is a learning experience. Stop with the friggin' shoulder massage. Stop with the pet names. Don't be asked. too much information from a woman if she's more or less a complete

stranger. Where do you live? Fun size she's... Where do you live? This city? Yeah, but where in that city? None of your business. What's like the security at your home? Deadbolts, cameras. Fun size sheizes brings up the, you know, when a guy tells a girl to smile.

What would that do, do you, Ashley? I absolutely hate that. Screw you. Who do you think you are talking to people? like that. Yeah, you know, you'd be a lot prettier if you smiled. Hey, I didn't even, I don't even like when I was a server and like, there was a regular that always did this. He'd be like, oh, you seem why are you so smiley today? You just seem like you're smiling more than average because all I could think of is, am I usually grumpy? Like what, or he, and then like, it would continue with, you look so good when you're, when you're smiling. Let's just stop. You don't need a comment about my

level of smilingness. And maybe you don't really care about that person's opinion on your aesthetics. Exactly. Yeah. Streaks for weeks, window washing Jesus, says he's 34 years old. He calls most women darling. Ashley, should he knock it off? Oh, that's a good one though, darling. I think, I don't know, that's like, for some reason that's different than Babe or sweetheart. Because isn't that like a Southern thing that some people do that they can't kick? He says he's not from the south. He's not from the south, but he goes with the darling route. You got to say it with a southern accent. I also think you have to have a certain amount of charm and charisma to pull that off too.

And you know what? That's the same for a lot of these, right? Some people can make it not creepy. And then others, it's awful creepy. How about the Where's My Hug guy? Everybody knew that guy in school. Swamp-stopping Jesus said he had a creepy friend who lived for bowling night because he desperately hugged the girls after every remotely good shot. Get over here.

Poor guy. You knocked two pins over. This guy's whacking off in the car before he even gets home. It's wrong. We need to be told these things once in a while. Wouldn't you agree, Josh? Oh, yeah. You know, I agree with you.

We're big, dumb animals, but sometimes we don't realize how big and how dumb. So it is helpful, Ashley, if you mention this kind of stuff. Yeah. All right. Yeah, thanks for putting that together, hon. Oh, God. I like to see a smile. You look so pretty when you smile then.

I didn't like that. I felt weird saying it. All right, I got a question for you, Cubby. Yeah. It's kind of a little thing. It's like a, it's like a, almost like a mind-bender type of a question. It makes you think, what's something that's normal to have one of, but strange to have two of.

Testicles. Testicles. I don't think that would have like that in a pair. Something, maybe he didn't hear the question. What's something that's normal to have one of, but strange to have two of? Yeah, I stand by testicles. Steering wheels. Why would you need two steering wheels in your car?

Driver's head cars, don't they have two steering wheels? Not mine. They had two brakes. Oh, there's two brakes at the head. You're sticking to your guns with testicles. Boy, I'm just based on anatomy. Your next answer is steering wheels. Right. That's kind of weird.

I guess the only time I see two steering wheels is the little merry-go-round thing for kids at the fair. Oh, yeah, yeah. So the other kid fights over it? Right. You got to have two steering wheels up front so both the drooling kids can pretend to steer the car in a circle while the meth-addicted ride operator. No, I'm sensitive. sensitive of this because I only have one best friend and I'm looking right at him and my god is he handsome. Uh, any more than two bros, that's bragabrocious right there. You don't need any, you're showing off if you got more than one. More than one bro? Yeah. I've been guilty of this and

I actually got called out on it when I was younger where I'd say, oh yeah, dude, that's, uh, one of my best friends. And somebody would say, how do you have more than one best friend? And it really knocked me on my ass. I never thought about that. Is it not cool? It's not acceptable to have more than one Best friend? I thought it was like, you get it. Like, these are my closest friends. Closest friends. You should say, this is one of my closest friends. He's also the same guy that once said to me, cut to the chase,

and then when I realized what that meant, it hurt my feelings. Oh. Oh, you got a little long-winded? I guess. He's like, all right, cut to the chase. I'm like, cut to, I don't understand what that means. And then what is explained to me, I felt shame. 93X, the home of the half-assed morning show.

Yeah. I don't know about the rest of you is, but I am fully ready to line dance my way free of this torture chamber. We got a few minutes left here on the 93X Half As Morning Show. The question is what's something that's normal to have one of, but strange to have two of. So far, some text messages have come in and they said, Wives.

Yeah, that would be weird. It depends on where you're from, right? Some people are into that kind of thing. There are other parts of the world, but they have multiple wives, do they not? Utah's pretty chill with it, I think. Did any of the wives, are they cool with it? I mean, it seems like a better deal for the dude. They claim they are, but I don't know.

Yeah, I've read some stories. I've seen some videos, you know, and I'm being legitimate. I'm not talking, ha-ha, porno movie. I think the last time I read about a dude with multiple wives, oh, I think you'd recognize him, Josh. He's some kind of half-assed rap star or something in Brazil or some oddball play. And he's got multiple wives. And the wives were involved in the interview, and they said they just loved their life.

But I think because the guy's sitting on a mountain of money. They might be terrified to say otherwise. Right. What is something that's normal to have one of, but strange to have two anuses is the most popular answer from our listing audience. Taxidermied pets. Oh. It's normal that one? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, I get back. Because if you have one, it's like, all right, that's probably a pet. You love more than any. anything in the world. And then if you're like, but here's my collection of all my childhood pets. Oh, just pets. Okay, I was picturing just like animals in general. No, no, no. Yeah, pets. That makes it more creepy. I'm a little weirded out by even one of them.

My husband wants to do that with one of the dogs we have now. Don't let them do it. When he passes away. I've never seen a taxidermied pet. Only in the movies. In person. I haven't either. Yeah, I mean, like eyes open. Whatever happened to, yeah. They make it seem like. It's still, you know, part of the family unit over there in the corner. There's Rocky. He's using him as an end table.

Josh, if you were to taxidermy one of your pets, say it was a male dog that died, would you give them the pink crayon just for laughs? God, no. No way. You're not going to... You're not going to have the taxidermist to make the pink crayon? No, no, no, no. Yuck.

But it's a running prank, a running gig. Every time company comes over, you could say, well, the dog's awfully excited to see you. Look how happy he is. school cop Jesus said DWIs. What? You didn't learn your lesson after the first one? Honestly, yeah. Yeah, that's a great one.

Okay, you got one. You got a second one? Friggin' D-dubs. Ain't that a kick in the ball? One Lister says if you have two phones, you're either a cheater or a drug dealer. Or a salesman. Salespeople carry around two phones. Yeah, my husband has two phones.

Yeah, they'll work phone, personal phone. I got two phones. All right. Here's what the rest of this article says. Again, these are folks jaw jacking back and forth on that godless Reddit. What's something that's normal to have one of, but strange to have two of. Crazy X's because that makes it possible you're actually the crazy one. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

That's a very good example. Crazy X's. You ever, how should I say this? lost interest in a certain possible significant other because you knew their ex was out of their friggin' mind. Yeah, it made a difference, certainly. Yeah, I wouldn't say necessarily lost interest, but definitely made, it was some questions.

No, I've never cared. Really? You never cared even if the dude you were after had a mental, possibly dangerous ex. You just went forward to it. I guess dangerous is it. But I don't know. So you're speaking from experience.

Yeah, no, that's never, never bothered me, I guess, now that I think about it. You did deal with dating a guy who had a crazy ex. Did that crazy ex have any effect in your relationship? Did she show up at the house? Did she make, did she call the house and hang up on the both of you? No, she stayed away for the most, stayed away from me for the most part. Maybe it's because I also give off crazy vibes. You're very intimidating.

So maybe that has something to do with it? Like, I can bother him. I know he won't do anything, but. So, Josh, there was a time when you were interested in a gal. Your interest waned a little bit when you knew she had a questionable ex. Yeah, and... That's funny. That's...

Well, you and I had the similar experience where we found out after some intimacy that they had a significant other or an ex in jail. Yes. Or actually current husband in jail. Current husband. So that definitely changed how things were. Yes, that happened. And I still get a chill up my spine every once in a while when thinking about it. How about this?

Something that's normal to have one of but strange to have two of. Spouses who died in strange ways. They both fell to their death. How did both of your ex-spouses fall to their death? There has been a time or two where someone has talked about someone they know that has had multiple husbands or wives pass away. And I'm like, ah, this is a little sketchy. She could be the black widow. Two toilets in one bathroom.

Who the hell has two toilets in one bathroom? That singer Megan Trainor and her husband do. Yeah, I was going to say, I thought there was a singer. They got them side by side. Oh, no. Yep. Tell me they don't. They do.

No, they don't. They do. Do you think it's just for Instagram or they actually do this? You really think they do that? All in point I know it is that they've written a meat magazine articles about it and they just said, yeah, it's normal. Sometimes we're in our hurry. It's not normal. They can't say it's normal.

Make them take that back because it's not normal to have a bowel movement sitting hip-to-hip with your significant other. I'm not defending them. I'm just passing on my passionate reaction. So they're saying we both have to get ready at the same time. Aren't they loaded? If they can afford two toilets in the same bathroom, they could probably afford two bathrooms. Because the husband's been in a bunch of movies. He's in the spy games movies, so he probably made a bunch of money.

They can have more than one bathroom. I do want to get a urinal in one of my bathrooms, though. Does that count? Is that any rules. Everybody wants a urinal. My wife wouldn't allow it. Yeah, they make, they make, like, cool ones that you can give her a kid. My dad's buddy when...

They got cool ones for a kid? Yeah, like ones that, they don't cost a million dollars. You can get like a cool, colorful one or whatever. Like, actually when you mount on the wall? Yeah. Or not like a little potty, the kid potty? Yeah, so you can mount it on the wall. I mean, it's not connected, so you still have to like, you know, do the gross stuff.

But, yeah, put it on the wall. I thought he deserves some home training. I don't want him to be that weird kid with his pants at his ankles and the shirt up to his chin. The butters? Yeah. Cubby says my wife. won't allow it. You know how you get that urinal on the wall today, Josh?

How's that? Tell them how your ex-wives died. Urinal accident. Oh, no, that makes it worse. They both fell to their death, didn't they? They did. That's still the story he's sticking with. They fell to their death. Also in the report on something that's normal to have one of, but not

two, life insurance policies on other people. Yeah. People are texting and saying childhood teeth. all holding on like it's okay for mom to have one tooth like the first tooth they lost but if you still have your all your kids baby teeth

wait a minute wait a minute there are people who keep the dead baby teeth of like all of them oh yeah the full rack yeah you didn't know this no yeah I know like a decent amount of women

older women in a baggie or like a little little like a keepsake box, yeah. All of them. Are they pissed at the tooth fairy? Why are they holding on it? That's psychotic. Why do you need to look at all of the teeth that have fallen out of your child's face?

It's kind of weird when you think about. I'll probably keep one, like the first one. That's the weirdest thing I've heard all day, easily. Well, do you want to know something weirder? Go ahead. Some people. The folks who smoke the umbilical cord and all that? Well, it actually has to do with the umbilical cord.

So there's always like a little bit left once you give birth. There's some umbilical cord left that you have to wait to fall off of their belly button. Right. I've seen that damn thing. Yeah. And a lot of women keep that. Yeah. Yeah.

And it like drops. And yeah. I'm not a fan. It's disgusting. Yeah. But the full set of teeth, even the cheap seats, keeping all of them, that is psychotic. And I would be very nervous to be involved with some. someone who would do that.

But that's just me, Covey. I'm just one man. Yeah, we didn't save any of that kind of. You're making a face as if your wife has kept every single tooth that's fallen out of it. You're making a face. No, she's the type. Definitely the type. But unless she has and just hasn't told me, she's got a secret stash, a kid teeth somewhere.

I mean, what's... I would love that. What's next? You keep the original diaper that it filled with diarrhea, you know, when you brought it home? What do you... Do you know any women who keep the original diarrhea with their baby's first bowel movement? Well, you know, baby's first bowel movement, it's different than later on. Yeah, it's like black.

Oh, yeah, I've heard. I forgot the name for it. Gross, certainly. It's Mark Cohen, something with an M. Did you just say it's black? Yeah, it's different. Yeah. God, help us.

We got to get out of you. I can bring it in. I'm going to throw up. You kept it. Yeah, I'll bring it in for you. I'm going to barth before we leave the building. Happy 45th birthday to Bohica Jesus. Safe travels to Iron.

man, Jesus, moving to Atlanta today, but he's nice enough. He said he's going to keep listening on the app, and we appreciate that. I would do it again, Jesus, texting a birthday wish to Jeremy, aka Saggy Ball's Electrician, Jesus. Happy 50th belated birthday. And congratulations to Chris Rolf, Jesus, on finally getting the super life-changing job offer he's been waiting for. The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimp? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air.

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