93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Menstrual Tramps

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

Originally Aired July 21, 2026: Russian dong-chomper. The Seamen Letters. Everything you've ever wanted to know about playing the didgeridoo. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. 93x half-assed morning show. Ninety-three. It is time. It's 540 right on the nuts. Nice work, Dana. Right on the balls, 540. It happens every once and again.

We ought to get situated for the Tuesday model of the 93-X-half-ass morning show. We're missing Ashley today. She called in sick. God help us, Josh. Does she have that super diarrhea that we talked about this time yesterday morning? There is some speculation. She had to leave in the middle of the show yesterday. She had to rush out of here so quickly she didn't even bring her computer home.

That's what I knew it was serious when I saw her laptop was still sitting there. We were just yesterday talking about super diarrhea. It's making its way into town. And Josh isn't making that up. At some point yesterday, I don't know, 7, 7.15 in the morning, she walked out of here. We knew she went into the bathroom. That's the last we saw of her. I was texting with her husband a little bit last night just to check in on her.

And, you know, he said she's still not feeling great. and he mentioned that she had some fruit from a Coon Rapids farmer's market recently. That just seems like taking your life in your own hands right there. Just riding around through Coon Rapids in the first place. Right, exactly. But then you're eating their fruit. My God. Yeah, she had to bolt.

And she let yesterday afternoon I talked to when she was feeling a lot better. That's concerning. And then she ate last night and things didn't go well. Well, I hope it's not the super diarrhea. you. There's a little thin veil. We hope to see Ashley soon enough, obviously. There is a thin veil of fear coming from this particular studio, from the studio that Josh and I share every day. Do you feel it, Cubby? A little bit of fear? No, now I'm a little nervous. I mean, here's why I feel it. I'm surprised you don't. A very large gift has been mailed into the

and placed in our studio. It's sitting right in front of me. It's a very large box. It's all taped up. And neither of us want to be the guy to crack it open. That is, that's one of those, it's a huge tomato box. You're kind of like my little tomato box. Oh my gosh, thank you.

Yeah, you are. It is. It's the hot new tomato. I just saw an article the other day, believe it or not, on tomatoes. Hang on a second. You were reading an article the other day on the hot new tomato. I skimmed it. Yeah.

And they're calling it the Honeycrisp of tomato. You know, the very famous Minnesota apple, the Honey Crisp, which was all the rage forever. Oh, my God. And so this box, I doubt that there's tomatoes in there, but it's, it is a box of that brand of tomato. A large box, a large gift has been sent to the radio station, addressed to the 93X Half Fast Morning Show. Well, it specifically says Nick and Josh. It's from a character named Josh. There's more than one of you, apparently.

And the package comes from Tucson, Arizona. Oh, really? And even to add to the anxiety of it all, this individual must have known we'd be nervous about it. He even wrote on the package, what's in the box, right? Because, I mean, we all know this. Gifts from strangers are scary. And this is a stranger. I don't know this person looking at his name and adverse.

on the package. I don't know this person. And neither one of us, neither Josh or I want to be the guy to crack it open. I'll open it. I'll give you five bucks if you open it. No, you don't have to pay me anything. This person went through a lot of trouble for this. Yeah. I'm afraid of this damn thing. Let's just set it on your lap and we'll open it up. No, no, no, you get this thing far away from me. It's perfect. If you're going to open it, you get it away from me. Is this too close? Ah, Jesus, yes. Back up, back up. Back up. Go over to your side of the room. Josh has a scissors in hand now. He's going to crack.

Well, before you do, Josh, I have a pretty good feeling that we're all going to live through this. I'm a little afraid. I am. What do you think it is? Do you have any predictions? No clue at all. I wonder. It's got some heft to it.

It is a little heavy. I wonder because of the size of the box if maybe someone hasn't gone ahead and gifted you and I a sex doll. Oh, my gosh. Because we do talk a lot on air about the sex. doll that we ordered years ago. It was delivered to the building and then promptly stolen before you and I even had a chance to rub up on it. That's such a heartbreaking story. This is a perfect time for this. Okay. The box is open? No, not yet. Oh, not yet. Say a prayer. There you go. All right. Father's son. All right. There's like an egg crate on top of it.

Oh my gosh. There's a lot of stuff in here. This came from a character named Josh from Arizona. And Dana, there's a bunch of other boxes in the box. It's like those nesting dolls. Oh, like the babushkas. All right, so you've taken the lid off and we're okay? Yeah. There's some handwritten notes here

with little descriptions. Is this going to get really weird? Is it written in blood or is it one of those, like, they cut out little letters from a magazine to form sentences? No, I recognize this as dried semen. Oh, you would know. Cursef. Impressive. Nick, here's some candy

for you. It's got an attached note and something written on the box. Here you go. This person bought me some candy? Like a ton of movie theater-sized boxes of candy. See what it says on the... Oh, my God, there's a handwritten... Top there. There's a handwritten note just taped to the candy.

Oh, man. That's a lost kindness. This is going to get friggin' really weird, isn't it? Here's another one for you. Okay. Maybe we should have done this off air. Now that the box is open, I'm even more uncomfortable. Do you see what it says on the candy, though? That's what you do when people put candy around you. Oh, no, I'm afraid really to look at this too directly.

But yes, there is some candy here that's been purchased for me. Like Josh said, movie theater candy. And it does, written with magic marker, it does say on top of the candy, chomp these up. Yes, I am a fan of sweets. Well, there really is a lot of stuff here. We might have to kind of parse it off there and go through some of the highlights. Don't even worry about it. Well, thank you, other Josh.

I was just worried that something was going to go boom or there were going to be body parts or something. Well, I appreciate you being courageous enough to have me open it a great distance away from me. I offered you five bucks. Yeah, you know, if I blew up, you wouldn't have to pay it. You're a clever man. True. All right. So for now, we're going to thank this person, but we haven't gotten into everything involved in this gift.

Not quite yet. For now, we're going to say thank you. There's a lot of stuff in there, so thank you. This could be, I really thought it would be maybe an F doll. We'll get to the bottom of this. We'll fill you in when we feel safe enough to do so. Oh, God. Josh, my fingers are calloused from practicing my ukulele last night.

Oh, great. Did you? Did you look at some YouTube videos? I did. Absolutely. If you weren't listening yesterday, it was ukulele Monday. Josh gifted me a ukulele that was meant to be given to me at Christmas, but he couldn't hold the secret in any longer. So if you were listening yesterday, you heard me playing,

improvising a little bit, live on air with my ukulele. Last night, I actually committed myself to set down, look at some videos online, and learn how to tune the pig, number one. I did learn how to tune my ukulele. And by the, by the, away, I didn't bring it in today. I figured maybe you needed a break. So I did not bring my ukulele in today. Even on ukulele Tuesday? I thought maybe there were some listeners who were ready to snap. There were. Okay. They just don't appreciate some of the finer arts. Some of them don't have great taste in music, so maybe they wouldn't want to hear my ukulele on back-to-back days. I didn't bring it in, but last night I learned how to tune it, and I actually learned my first song.

And who was it a couple days ago that joked around about You Are My Sunshine? Hmm. Is that a listener? I don't remember. I thought when we first, Josh, I think when we were talking about smoke on the water being a beginner's tune for regular guitar players, I thought one of us brought up You Are My Sunshine as a possibility for a ukulele player's first song to learn. Maybe that's the liquor talking. But that was the first song that was taught to me online last night. I learned how to play, You Are My Stinking Sunshine.

That's great. And my pointer finger and my middle finger on my fingering hand, the tips of those fingers are absolutely numb. You could light them on fire right now. Pretty stingy? It doesn't hurt. They're just absolutely numb from pressing down those ukulele strings. Looks like it was more difficult to press down than even maybe an acoustic guitar.

Just from watching you yesterday. It's been so long since I tried to play any form of guitar. I will say that when I've tried in the past, acoustic or electric guitar, my fingers, number one, I'm just not very, the dexterity isn't there, but also the toughness is not there. You have to develop like calluses in order to go far when it comes to learning how to play a guitar. So I'm a little numb, but I was kind of pleased with my progress last night. I learned three chords. I couldn't tell you what they're called, but I learned three chords. Hey, that's awesome.

That's really good. I'm glad you had the interest. I did. I had the time, and I sat down, and I made it work. Now, Ashley, who's on the toilet somewhere right now, she brought up yesterday that maybe your wife was going to be miserable. Did she appreciate the, as Dana called it, I believe, ukulele yesterday? We were on separate levels.

She never even noticed. Oh, she didn't. We were on separate levels of the house. She never noticed I was even practicing. Do you plan on using that as an aphrodisiac? you get better at it, maybe serenating her at some point? Absolutely not. Not at all? No. Can you do a live set at the VFW? I'll play anywhere. Oh, that'd be great if you'd play it. You know, we got that the bro-style cancer event, July 31st.

I'll play a song for the crowd at that event. Is that sold out or are there still tickets left? Still tickets available. Okay, good. Go to our website. Go to 93x.com. That'd be fun to watch you play a show. July, Jesus. 31st. 31st. We've got, thank you, Josh, for bringing that up. We've got our second bro-stout cancer event at the Wisehead American Legion. July 31st, I think it's from 530 to 8 p.m. 20 bucks gets your sad ass a ticket. Come on in. Every dime we make benefits, Randy Shavers, cancer research fund. The broasted chicken meal at the Wise Out of Legion is excellent. If you haven't had it before, you will love it. So you get your meal. We'll have a 50-50 raffle.

There'll be a silent auction. It's just your standard All-American Four alarm fund And we'd love it if you'd join us. We, Josh, I think the last we looked, I'm going to say there's maybe 75 spots available somewhere in that neighborhood. We're getting there. Yeah, we're getting there. Your wife was giving me crap because I was the first person to buy tickets. I wanted to make sure I could get the family in because they went so fast last time. They did go quickly.

All of us are going to be there. The whole half-ass morning show staff from. Top the bottom, including we're trying to get, you know, I see Willie Miles and Dr. Andrew and Dr. P. Jesus, who by missing, Brad Rider, this, that. So that'll be again July 31st. And I would absolutely sit down and play a song if I'm ready. If I have a song that I'm confident I can play,

I'll play a tune for the crowd. That'd be fun. I was reading further on, you know, learning a musical instrument. We've all had our, or runs at it here and there. The ukulele, the piano, and the harmonica are listed as three of the easiest instruments to learn. The piano?

I'm surprised by that. That threw me. Harmonica, hell, yeah, I tried that when I was nine, and I made some headway and then gave up because I was playing harmonica. Come on. I didn't want to be the kid in the neighborhood to get his ass kicked every day. Nobody's going to take you seriously if you're playing the harmonica.

No, I kind of looked at my... No. Like, you know, they always had... It just seemed like it was the cool blues guy that would whip out a harmonica. I suppose if you become the blues guy, that's a totally different animal. But if you're just sitting there blowing Mary had a little lamb up and down, you're going to get tuned up. So when I was a kid, I did make some headway with the harmonica, but then realized I was becoming a harmonica player and wanted nothing to do with it.

To call the piano easy or to list it as one of the easiest musical instruments to learn, that surprised me. But I guess I have that on my side. Eucolale is listed as an easy instrument to learn. What else was in there for easy? Oh, the recorder. Sure, we played that, right? Yeah, every little kid plays that.

When we were kids, it's lightweight and inexpensive and simple to play. I remember I hated that in music class. I hated the damn recorder. They just sounded so dumb, so wimpy. and then percussion instruments are also listed. Things like bongos, tambourine, Maracas. You ever play the Maracas? Yeah, you have.

Definitely. What the hell are you doing playing the Maracas? Some of the, when you're a kid, you know, the different recitals you have. Oh, really? Yeah, we had quarterly, I think, different there. You'd play like some sort of Hawaiian sounding song. Okay, I got to learn more about this. So you were like in the full-blown band?

Well, every kid. Every kid had, they assigned you an instrument. So everybody in class, you'd get up there in front of the families. Four times a year? Yeah. You're poor parents. I didn't think it at the time. At the time, I thought, oh, they must love this.

Well, what was this? This was a music class? Yes. Yeah, so you guys didn't do that. Not really. A music class, they did say, you play this, you play that. So one show you were playing the Maracas, the next show you were playing an oboe. Yeah, the xylophone one time.

What's the one that's like a xylophone, but it's got just the chival. chimes on it? Maybe that still is out. Oh, wind. Wind. That wouldn't make any sense. Yeah, like Dana said. Glockenspiel. My damn. With the Glockenspiel. And your parents didn't drink. No. But they showed up for... They never complained. What else? So, okay. Oh, they also list the acoustic guitar as one of the easier. Wow. I can't believe that. Boy, someone who just grew up playing electric guitar, even I thought acoustic guitar was difficult. But maybe you have to consider by comparison. So here are some of the more challenging instruments.

Violin. Looks tough because if it's fretless neck, it requires precise finger placement, this and that. Pitch accuracy. Bowing the instrument demands sensitive pressure control.

I'll show you some sensitive pressure control. The French horn. Here's the oboe, the aforementioned oboe. The pipe organ. Like what they play at the ball games? Yeah, or church. Oh, yeah.

Oh, or a church. Sure, I didn't picture church because I go there so infrequently. Accordian. God, that would be fun. Never tried a lot of those instruments. Damn, that would be fun. That would be fun.

But it's listed, I better just stick to the ukulele because it's on the easy list. I'm on the difficult list. Now accordion. Well, I know he's a musical genius, but Weird Al makes it look easy. I mean, he can move around with that thing, sing, played at the same time.

What did some of you, some bitches, learn how to play. 651-989-933-93. I want to see if any of our listeners learn how to play some of these more difficult instruments. I got to sign the baritone, and I wasn't too excited about that. Looking that around.

That's a tough draw. It's like a big seven-foot bitch, isn't it? It's kind of like a tuba-looking thing. It's a little different. But it's large. Very large. Yeah. What was it called again?

Baritone. Let's see if that's in here, as far as difficult instruments to learn. Okay, where did that leave off, accordion, those god-awful bagpipes are in here. I like bagpipes. Oh, I can't stand those. I like it for about 30 seconds.

They're frigging loud, though. I'll give it 10. 10 seconds. The continuous airflow management. Yeah, you'll pass smooth out if you don't know what you're doing. The harp. Oh, I always kind of like that instrument. You go to like a shopping mall during Christmas and somebody's playing Christmas songs.

Usually a pretty lady. Usually. Why is it usually a pretty? lady. It's a pretty instrument. And they do the boll-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l. It's a friggin' harp. It's magical. You know the bagpipe story again where Big Al almost got his ass kicked. I forgot where my

one of my oldest bro's Big Al, he got his hands on a set of bagpipes. Maybe it was at an auction or something silly like that. But he was practicing at home, and it was terrible. It just sounded awful. And I think, honestly, I think he might have passed out once,

trying to like they said here trying to apply the continuous airflow to the bagpipes I think he might have passed smooth out at one point or another but he's he sucked at it but at least he was trying well one St. Patrick's Day I show up at Big Hal's place and he's got his bagpipes on and he says

well let's go where are we going he goes let's go to the Legion at St. Patrick's Day I got a set of bagpipes I'll be the most popular some bitch in the whole bar And I said, don't do it. And he said, what do you mean? I said, well, you don't know how to play. And he said, no. And I said, well, as soon as you walk in, the crowd's going to expect you to knock out six or seven Irish all-time hits, right?

And when you can't, they're going to hate your guts. And he said, ah, it's not going to happen. Sure as well, we walk in there. And the crowd goes, hey, all right. As soon as I see Al wearing the bagpipes. And he's stuck. So he blows into him, makes a bunch of terrible noises. He shows the crowd that he knows nothing.

about the bagpipes and I was right they turned on them. He said boo you a moron. What are you bringing these frigging things in if you can't play them? What are you an idiot or something? I would think that'd be kind of funny. One guy found it funny. The rest of the crowd was pissed. They really thought they were in for a show.

All right. What are these other difficult? We're talking about difficult to learn instruments for beginners. Jarhead Jesus wants to know about the diggeridoo. Is that in here? Did you do? Did you do? Okay.

Hey, I don't see it, jarhead Jesus. They go on to talk about, oh, the bassoon. Did you play that one? No. You know what? I'd like to learn mostly just because of Tesla, the theramen. How the hell did this time down perfectly? That's the next instrument on my list.

Are you serious? What is the theramen? Well, it's the... Oh, now I know by reading about it. Yeah, it's the one you kind of wave your hands around it. Dude. And where you put your hands, you know, is a different note. I know what you're talking about.

Frank Hannon would play the theraman. Frank Hannon from Tesla, Josh mentioned Tesla. Frank Hannon would... By the way, a lot of folks are texting in saying your mother is terrific, Josh, at the rusty trombone. Oh, my gosh. Skin flute, I've seen that a lot. Frank Hannon would play the theraman on their song, Edison's Medicine. That's my favorite Tesla song.

It's kind of a spooky instrument. They use it in, like, old horror movies and everything. God, I wish I had some audio of when... when they'd play the song live, Frank would really get into playing that pherom and making these cool noises. That's a great idea, Josh. But they list it as very difficult. You're playing an instrument without physical contact.

It requires precise hand movements to control pitch and volume. Dude. I wonder if you can buy a theremin like on Amazon or something. Oh, yeah, look that up. Uh, bank examining Jesus said Jimmy Page would play the theraman all the time. Oh, yeah? Well, I was not aware. I listen to Zeppelin now, and again, I'll sit down and just listen to two, three days in a row. You know, I'll just listen to nothing but Led Zeppelin. I can't remember hearing that pig,

but they had a lot of complex arrangements where maybe I heard it and didn't recognize it as the Thayer. I'm in. See one year for 400 bucks. I'll pass. Trash Daddy Jesus was in elementary school when he was assigned the clarinet. He said he wanted the saxophone That's what you get when you play one And you'll understand how I made that mistake here in just a minute He said I was in elementary school I was assigned the clarinet

I wanted the saxophone because it's a sexy instrument But I guess he says I wasn't cool enough for that Guys in my school that play the clarinet They got their chops busted Yeah I guess I could see that I don't recall You know I just didn't really I knew a lot of people in high

high school. I don't remember anybody who was in the band, except for a couple of the drummers. There's more middle school for us. A lot of people are in middle school. By the time high school rolled around, a lot of people had quit the band. Yeah, when you're, it's an option. Yeah, you kind of have to do it in middle school and high school. You can just kind of opt out and do something different. Yeah, that's kind of how it goes. A couple of our listeners dabbled in the bass guitar. I'm trying to find a listener or two who mastered one of these more difficult instruments that we talked about. What is this? Oh, wow.

One of our listeners played the piano. Trumpet and French horn. Smart. Beginning age five all the way through high school. Must be a pretty bright individual. I had a buddy growing up that was basically a savant on the piano. You could name a song and he could just play it, feel it out, and play it anything. It was incredible.

And I always thought piano was kind of dorky. And then we were at soccer camp once, an overnight soccer camp down in St. Olaf, and they had a piano in one of, like, the community. rooms and he started playing it and was just playing any song people wanted and the chicks loved him. I'm surprised he thought it was dorky because that's how it always went. At least in my experience it was like the guys that could jump on a piano where women swooned. What was he playing? The piano? Well, of course the chicks loved him. Yeah. Yeah. I wish I knew how to play not just for that but I want to sit there to Menards for a few hours and just play journey songs

or something. Here's a 14 year old kid in our listing audience who can play the accordion. A 14-year-old? Hillman Welder, Jesus knows him. Awesome. Says he can play. It's super impressive. Shout out to Alan and his accordion skills. You know, I wrote a piano song once.

Was that the one you wrote for a girl? Fire for Lisa. Yeah, 1986. Didn't really chart. Didn't take off really at all. I don't think even Lisa liked it. It's been a long time since you talk about your love song, Fire for Lisa. Where was the fire burning, son?

Well, at that time... Unfortunately, it was in your heart, wasn't it? Mostly just the heart. Yeah, it was in your heart. Even at 14, you didn't know how to get a fire going anywhere other than your heart. No, it didn't go any further south for a while. You wrote it, you sat down and played it on a piano and sang? Yes.

And then you recorded it? No, I didn't have a way to record it. Oh, I suppose it was 1986. What would you do? So you sat her down and played it for her? Yes, fire for Lisa. I played it for Lisa. That took balls, number one.

You realized that, right? Well, at the time, I don't know. I was more delusioned. You sat her down and said, I want to play this song. This song is for you. Yeah. Do you think you deep down, you scared the piss out of her? I don't know.

Gave her the creeps? Maybe. Maybe. At the least. You know, keep in mind she's also in sixth grade. So she's a 14 year old kid in sixth grade. Didn't I say 1986? Oh, yeah.

Sorry. I was obsessed with the accordion kid who played 14. Okay, you were a sixth grader. Yeah. You had, you, you, I mean, that's, that's a ballsy thing to do. I don't know a lot of guys who could, especially as a sixth grader, who could say, sit with me while I sing you a song that I wrote for you. I don't know a lot of guys who could pull that off. I think plenty of guys probably could.

And be more successful than I was. In sixth grade, I don't think so, dude. I don't know. How did it go? The song? Yeah. I don't really remember. I want to.

How did it go? Honestly, I don't. I was trying to see if I could just picture a piano and see if I remember how it went. It was very, very simple. Basically, I'm not supposed to say anything. You're not supposed to say anything. Just for legal reasons, but Tommy Lee stole it from me and it became Home Sweet Home. Originally, it was called Fire for Lisa.

You know, I could play the opening to Home Sweet Home on a piano for a stretch of time. That was as far as I got. Home Sweet Home? Yeah, I think that at that time, everybody wanted to learn that song. Years and years and years ago. at our old radio station in Golden Valley, 30 years ago, there was a keyboard in the basement where we would do our show prep, where our terrible, talentless morning show,

would sit together and do our show prep. And someone had a real deal keyboard, so I would dabble. And I taught myself how to play two songs, Home Sweet Home, the intro, and one, the intro by Metallica. That was kind of fun. Booty, boom. I've been tempted over the years. to get some sort of keyboard.

You ought to do it. The ones with cool effects and everything. Did you ever learn how to play Jump Van Halen? No, I tried. Yeah, that was one you had to learn. There was a lot of bad morning show ideas going around. I couldn't concentrate all the time on learning the key. But you were talented enough to create a song at one point.

I mean, I'm not going to say it was good, but it was I tried. It was a freaking song. That's funny. Fire for Lisa. Whatever happened between the... I forget her. name, but the song was definitely called Fy. You know, I bet it was Lisa, now that I think about it.

Nothing really happened between me and Lisa. You really forgot her name? No, I was joking because the name's in the title. Oh, oh, oh. Whatever happened between the two of you? I think it was like a weekend relationship, so one of the longer relationships I'd been in at that point. You don't remember anything about the lyrics, nothing about what you sang to her?

No. Well, yeah, that's, I'm surprised. It was mostly an instrumental, I think. You really can't remember, or No, truthfully, yeah. You just don't want to. It's like 40 years ago. I'm surprised you would forget that. Well, that's funny, though. There was a fire there at one point or another.

Yeah, for Lisa. Well, there you go. What else is going on around here? Oh, you know what? I wanted to mention something. And I keep forgetting. Last Thursday, we ran into in the hallway, just had no idea this was going to happen.

A very nice gentleman in David Kekner, from the office, champ kind on Anchorman. He was doing an interview at KQ and Dana and I ran into him in the hallway, and he could not have been a nicer guy. Yeah, very sweet guy. Yeah, I wanted to thank him publicly because he was genuinely interested in meeting people. He kind of, I mean, he embraced me. He gave me a big, giant hug.

Oh, did you think you were a sick kid? I think he probably did. I mean, that's happened to me before. You've gotten hugs from grown men before because they thought you were a sick child. Yeah, and usually men much bigger than me as in the case here. This guy again, who? Champ kind from Anchorman. He was Todd

Packer. Well, you didn't watch the office. Okay, David Ketner. I've heard the name before. You'd know him if you saw him, big guy. And so anyways, he just happened to be here and I'm walking down the hall, I'm going, oh my God, it's Champ Kind from Anchorman. What the heck is he doing here? Apparently he had a comedy show in town. Oh, wow. And he was so

you know how it is. Sometimes people come in here, and they're not necessarily friendly. I get it early in the morning. Sometimes they're total dicks. Yeah, they're forced to be here or whatever. Standoffish dildos. And they'll have an entourage with him. But it was just him. He showed up on his own, came in, and was a very pleasant individual.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it was great. I mean, I like the guy. I think he's fun. Oh, Goldberg's. How could I forget? Oh, yeah, does. He was great on that.

That's awesome. Yeah, he was awesome. So not that he's listening, but he was a good dude. I mean, I know you had a similar experience. Yeah, yeah. He's very sweet, very nice. It's cool. We got a photo with him and everything.

I hope they didn't post that, by the way. I think they did. Oh, did they really? I think they did. That look on my face was so stupid. Because that was a surprise, and then I just got a hug from a big guy face. I sent it to you and your wife, Nick, and I had to warn you about my face. I must have forgotten all about it or cruise right past it.

Well, I'm glad you guys had a nice time with Mr. Keckner. He was awesome. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heading and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about.

And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93x. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The United States Soccer Federation presents the U.S. Soccer Podcast. I'm your host Megan Klingerberg. One thing I promised you is an all-access pass that you wouldn't get on any. other show. And we found out that whoever comes on scores a goal. Burhope, Freeman, trustee. U.S. Soccer podcast magic is real people. We still got plenty of coverage all throughout this World Cup. Okay, let's get into it. The U.S. Soccer podcast, presented by Henkoe. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show.

Let me tell you something. Cubby, we've got a very musical crowd out there. That's great. We had another conversation about my new ukulele. I'm in the process of learning how to play the ukulele, which was listed as one of the more easy instruments for beginners. I looked this up online. Surprisingly, the piano was in there as an easy instrument to learn along with the ukulele.

I suppose they also mentioned some percussion instruments like the tambourine and things like that. So we got to talking about the easiest and some of the more difficult instruments to learn. A lot of our listening audience play something or another. Very musical crowd. And a couple of text messages came in. A listener says I had a buddy who would come over after bar. Couldn't read a single note of music, but he would play the piano perfectly. He could listen to any song in.

just mimic it. That's an awesome talent. He could do this with quite a few other instruments. But our listener says, I remember this guy would play the Charlie Brown theme song until we all passed out. And he would wake up in a puddle of piss because he would get so drunk.

Those were good times, our listener says, except for cleaning up the piss. I wonder why the Charlie Brown theme song. I mean, that fills me with such a joke. I could see falling asleep to that, being very comfortable, but I wonder why that one. Maybe just because it's so recognizable, I guess. Why that put them to sleep? No, why that song.

Why you chose that song. Just a hell of a lot of fun, I would imagine. Heavy drinkers, that crowd. Sounds like it. The after bar party featured a man playing the Charlie Brown theme song on the piano. Another listener says, I learned how to play the piano in high school. Did it to pick up chicks. and he said, by God, it worked.

You hear famous musicians say that, you know, and whether they're joking or not, that why'd you get into music? Pick up chicks. It's kind of something that's pretty common. Right. When he was playing, Josh, he said, it worked with the women.

All he was doing back in those days, touching keys and banging threes. One of our listeners doesn't look back so fondly on her career as a musician. She says I played the clarinet from 6th through 9th grade. My parents forced me to play. They even forced me to take extra music lessons

at Schmidt Music. She says it was a worst feeling ever walking into the mall with my dorky instrument. No doubt you run into the popular kids that are just there hanging out being cool. You do. That was at Northtown. Where all the cool kids hung out, Josh. Northtown? Northtown Mall. Dangerous. Schmidt Music. I remember going there back in the day.

Sure. Pick up your tablature books over there. And finally, at least for now, on the conversation of playing a musical instrument, a listener texted me and introduced me to a character, we need to hire this guy for something. We need to get him on a boat party. We got one coming up. We need to get him at a 93X event as I watch some videos on YouTube. And this guy rules. Our listener taxed it in to say,

Have you ever heard of a local feller by the name of Steve Solkella? Solkola, sorry, Steve Solkola. He's a Finn, I think. He's a one-man band. He plays gigs everywhere's. I saw a video of him. He's got an accordion. He's just sitting in a chair, got an accordion in his lap.

He's got a symbol up on top of his head. He's got a kick drum. He plays the slide whistle. He's got a this, a 37-piece one-man band, this Steve, how did I say it, Josh? Sulkola. Sokolah. Our listener said, check him out. That's from banging the safety lady Jesus.

Thank you for introducing us to Steve Sulkola. from Virginia, Minnesota. Again, I watched some YouTube videos. This guy looks like a friggin' riot, and I'm serious, we need to get a hold of this peckerhead. My old guitar teacher, Jeff Lovin, incredible guitarist, but he kind of did that for a while. I don't know if he's still doing the one-man band thing,

but you know, he played drums, play guitar, he was awesome at it. Josh was the one off air who said, because I played Josh a little bit of this Steve Sokola character. Josh said, we need to pair this some bitch up with Kuku and do something with that. Yeah, I think our next booze crews. Oh, that would be awesome.

This fall, it would be great to have those guys perform together. And Steve comes off like a funny guy in the video that I watched. He says he's a stuntman, comedian, and a musician in that order. And he also said this. He said, you know, I could have been a doctor. I could have been a lawyer. I could have been an astronaut, but I didn't want to do something easy. I wanted a challenge.

So he became this one-man band. Thank you for introducing us to Steve. I'm enthralled by this guy. We need to hire him. Yeah, he's a funny. dude. All right, you bastards. Let's dial into today's report. Because it's a keeper. I really do think we're in for it today. I wouldn't believe this story if I hadn't read through it my damn self. If you just told me the story at the beer hall one night, I might not buy it. But by damn, it's true.

and depending on your taste, this might be the worst effing thing you hear said out loud all day long. In silly Germany, a dude who's currently serving time in prison over there, he had his day in court, and the some bitch won. He ain't getting out the cooler anytime soon. That's not what he was in court to fight for. he was fighting for his right to spluge. And here's what I mean by that.

Brace yourselves. This prisoner, he went to court so he would be allowed to send letters to his fiance letters that are covered in his baby batter. Romantic. That's really gross, right?

I mean, yeah. The guy loves. likes to add a personal touch to all the letters he sends to his lady, he dots the eyes and crosses the T's with a fat-ass money shot. I mean, splutin's cool. You know, and sometimes you might want to share it, but I can't imagine wanting to do that. And then being on the other end of that, wanting to accept it.

And then the poor folks at the prison that got to look through all this stuff. His fiance is a good sport. She really is. Hey man, what's you up to? Spulgin? Oh, yeah? Spulugan's cool, Josh just said. You might want to share it sometimes. On the other end, she's scraping it off or whatever she's doing. I can't quite make out that one word there.

Let me scrape off the seed. Oh, oh, love. He said he loves me. Right. Is that white out? What's going on over there? Can you effing believe this nightmare? So shooter here, our guy, the guy who sends knuckle children through the mail to his fiancé. He's a convicted drug dealer type of a character. He's going to be locked up for a few years yet.

Now, under the prison rules, guards are required to inspect mail for contraband. And the guards at this joint, they said, hey, We can't have this low-life prick splash in all of his letters. No kidding, man. We're the ones who have to sort through the pages. That's got to be a health code violation of some sort. One of us is going to get pregnant.

One of us is going to get sick. Were these veteran employees or are there anybody that is relatively new on the force? There was one new guy. What happened? The first time, he had to sift through one of those letters. This is the new guy? Yeah, covered in... Jid?

Yeah. What off into the corner, puking his guts up. I don't blame him. Yeah. That's gross. I don't like mine. I don't want to do with anybody. Yeah, you hate that stuff.

Oh, get it away. On air, you said Splujans cool, but I know deep down you don't believe that's true. No, it's the product of sin. You hate it. It's the manifestation of sin. That's why it's so gross. So the guards, again, they said, what's happening around here? We can't be expected to do our job.

with semen falling off the pages of love letters here in the mailroom. And don't get cute with mailroom. Yeah, unless you're in a medical facility of some sort where semen is part of it. Or maybe you're an investigator trying to find DNA from a horrible crime. Seaman should not be a... Well, unless you're in a pornographer. Well, now they think about it, there are quite a few jobs. A pornographer, the man says.

There are quite a few jobs where maybe semen is necessary. or a part of it. Sure, there's a few gigs. You talked about that bull thing. What was the thing with the bull? Oh, yeah, a bull sexer. Yeah, you were going to go into business. I had the opportunity.

You had the opportunity to go. Fulously passed on it. To work in the bull semen industry. Correct. Anyway, so at first, the prison agreed with the inmate. Pardon me. At first, the prison agreed with the guards. And the prison said, you're absolutely right.

We can't have seeming. soaked love letters in the mail room because our guards have to sift through all of them. They have to read through all of them to look for contraband, to look for threats and things like that, death threat. The prison said, you're right. And as a matter of fact, old bagwack over there, the prisoner who's spraying all of his letters, the prison at first said he should be punished for that. So they hit Bagwack with a one-week ban from recreational activities.

He was unable to play basketball with his fellow inmates for a week. No basketball, no dagger tag, no nothing. So they did punish the guy. But Bagwack took to file in a lawsuit. Bagwack claims this ban on his ejaculation suppressed his sexual fantasies and violated his fundamental right to the free development of his personality?

Huh? It's a bit of a stretch. I mean, I got to say, I wouldn't think this guy would be bright enough to bring a lawsuit against the prison, much less have a chance at winning. All of that sounds so silly. Are you allowed to mail something like that?

No, I'm not curious to try it myself, but I think there'd be some. some sort of rules about mailing DNA of some sort. Oh, wait a minute. That might come up here in a minute, Josh, and don't get cute with come up. But your question might be answered here in a minute. Okay. So at first, Bagwack says, well, you're banning, pardon me, you're suppressing my sexual fantasies.

Okay? I didn't think that was a thing. And also, you're violating my fundamental right to the free development of my personality. I've never heard anything like that in my life. He even went ahead and said, hey, if the guards don't want to go home from work smelling like the ocean, they should just wear gloves when sorting through my soggy letters. Bagwack also said, here we go, Josh,

that sending bodily fluids in the mail was not a criminal offense. Now, I don't know if he's corrected. What are you talking about? So you tell me I can mail a turd? I'm not sure. So, I mean, that's what I was wondering here, right? So he's saying over there in spermany, go ahead, mail your jid if you'd like. But I thought there were rules here.

We're in Germany. That's right. I forget we're not in America here with this story. We're in Germany. I can't imagine that I could mail you a bucket of piss. But again, this is Germany. Yeah, I mean, can you just bleed out on a piece of paper and mail that? I didn't even think of that.

I didn't even think about blood. You might be mailing an STD. An STD. he says. Now, I wouldn't know one word about it, about a lot of this. I don't know the rules, but I can tell you this. Bagwack somehow won his court case. Somehow, none of what we read, none of his defense seemed to make any sense at all to us,

but he won his case. So he is free to continue throwing ropes. At all the love letters he creates for his fiancé, and the prison guards are just going to have to toughen up. I wonder if the fiancé secretly hoped he'd lose that case. Ah, dang it. You know, I really looked forward to those. You know, I'm not trying to sound cliche here because this is like a thing, like this is like a catchphrase that people use, but I can't come up with anything else. I'll just go ahead and say it.

Find someone who loves you so much that they don't mind that every letter you write them is covered in your spirit. Blue. I'm going to start with my mortgage company. See how they feel about it. This gal is a character. All right. People are saying you can. I didn't even consider this.

Like when you poop in the box instead of a colonoscopy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but that's a direct service, you know, between you and a physician. Is it legal for me to send a complete stranger a bucket of my blood? That's what I'm talking. I'm not talking about. Of course, you can, with your. doctors and things like that. Probably not a stranger, but I wonder if you could, a loved one that

requests a bucket of your blood. Who effing knows? Who effing knows? And I want to make something clear, too. This guy who's incarcerated, he should have the right to whack off and write letters to his fiancé. I'm not trying to stifle anyone's rights. You know, I think folks deserve a second chance. He's in prison for drug-related offenses. I hope he straightens his life out. I'm more than happy to welcome him back to society for his second chance at life. I'm not trying to step on anyone's nuts to that level. But I do think it's a little ridiculous that the boys in the mailroom have to deal with a jizz-covered love letter. Yeah, that should be protected.

It's a matter with some of you. Mouse and Jesus, Jesus says DNA is A-O-K. Oh. Good luck. And plenty of people are saying you can go ahead and mail whatever you want. Okay. Just fine. good luck hiring new folks at the mailroom over there at that German prison.

When a couple of the boys retire, good luck hiring somebody new when they find out what kind of letters they're going to have to sort through. Would you take that job, Josh? Even if they gave you elbow deep rubber gloves, I'm not taking that job. Let's say pay me a million dollars a year. Can I mail a finger to a lady if she requested that in my absence? See, how far can we go with this? I don't know.

Tatted Mama Sheezer says, don't yuck someone else's yum, but side note, that's freaking nasty. That's exactly the right way to put it, Tatted Mama, Jesus. I am not a yum yucker. But you're correct. That is nasty. Niz-asty. Some people are saying you can fart in a jar and mail that. There's all different directions we can go with this.

All right, so someone sent in a, who was this? Sparky Jesus. What's that? Who said what? sent in a screenshot, like an AI overview on Google, that you can send blood through the mail, but it's strictly regulated, and there's a lot of things you have, hoops you got to jump through to make sure it's safe. Blood? What do you think of old bagwack here, Josh?

I think that's disgusting. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't want to yuck somebody else's yum. But I also think that maybe the prison guard shouldn't have to deal with that. Now, medical device Jesus has woken me up to something, and he's right. He says, you've got to consider what some of the people in the mailroom are like. We learned this, didn't we, Josh? Sometimes in the mail room, they like to drink, smoke, crack.

Some of them like packages on fire. Saturdays they're very loosey-goosey there. He lit it on fire. Don't be a flatliner about this. Relax and have a quailude. You're right. Sometimes the folks in the mail room, They drink, they smoke their crack.

All right, so I know what some of you might be saying. You're saying, damn. That was a pretty rough start for a stupid news report. Do you have anything a little less obscene? I'm just coming to from a deep sleep, for Christ's sake. Some of you are saying, you're right, I understand. Let me try this one out. Tell me how this one treats you.

A crazy lady, she sharpened her teeth. She did. I don't know how. The story never goes into detail how a lady might sharpen her chicklets. So let's just go along with it. She sharpened her teeth for one's very specific reason. So she could be as lethal as possible when it came time to bite off her husband's Schwann Stooker. And she did.

What did you do now? I'm just going to cross my legs real quick here. You know, we used to work with a lady who had. had not sharpened but kind of print almost like she had canine teeth and in certain parts. And for whatever reason, I thought that was kind of attractive. You are the most, there's a word. Go on. Attentive person I've ever met.

Every day you bring up an old coworker. And I have to say, I have no memory of that person whatsoever. So we're going to play that game again. We used to work with a lady who had what? She had kind of like, I don't know if they're incisors or what teeth they are, but they were kind she didn't sharpen them but she had people asked before if she did kind of file them okay you have to write the name down again we do this every day you have to write the name down if you don't mind old front desk lady the one that you dangled with yeah well i don't recall her teeth at

all i was more checking out her behind because she had a big round bottom yeah she had a nice figure uh no i don't remember this gal sharpened her teeth all so when the time came for her to bite off her husband's wad, she could get it done. Let's play the guessing game real quick, Dana. Ashley's not here today, so it's just you. Dana, yes. Did this terrible incident happen in Russia or in Wysetta? I would guess Russia.

Russia is the correct answer. I feel like I would have heard about this story by now if it happened in Wysetta. They got enough money to make that goal. away, Dana. That's a good point. Of course it was Russia. So let me explain to you what happened here. The wife saw a text message on her husband's cellular telephone from a lady. She saw a text message on her husband's cellular telephone from a lady. The lady texted her husband about a dirty dream she had about him. Are you following that? So the lady said, hey,

Vladimir. This is Natasha. I had a dream that you folded me in half in a broken down car on the side of the road. That's what I'm picturing because it's Russia. They probably had sex in a broken down car on the side of the, on a very cold day. Very gray outside.

Definitely. And if you watch enough videos, you know a tank all of a sudden jumps over the road. Even when they're not at war. You're right. You could go back 20 years, you know, 10 years and you'll see a tank. Like, where did that tank come from? A couple of very unwashed individuals were wobbling down the side of the road because they're wildly intoxicated.

And then a tank jumped over all of them. Are they being invaded? No, no, no, no. It's just an average Thursday. That's pretty hot, though, that she had that sex dream about him. She did. She said, Vladimir, this is Natasha. I had a dream that you folded me in a car on the side of the road.

Isn't that something, she said in her text? Never had a stranger. I shouldn't say stranger. Never had an acquaintance say something like that to me. That's too bad. Never had a girl. One of the coolest things I think ever happened here, I'm sure you remember this, is back when we had a massive amount of employees,

a couple hundred people used to work. Believe it or not, Dana, used to work here. It's very crowded. When you see how big this building is, you can understand. Yes. And we didn't like a great majority of them. Oh, I don't know. I think most of them.

Oh, you did not like most of them. There was a couple that were tough to do with them. Idiots. What about it? Remember when they, the ladies, now this would never fly nowadays, they put together a desert island list of, was it, three or five guys that they'd like to be stuck on a desert island with? Yeah.

And you and I were on that list? Yeah. That's one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me. They would be forced to ravage our bodies because it would have no other choice or on a deserted island. Yeah. And we made the list. We made the list.

We made the list. We made the list, huh? And the girls were very open about this. The girls in the office at the time. They were like, oh, there he is. That's one of the guys. would have sex with on the deserted island. Yeah, it was a wild time. It was a different time. Okay, so the wife sees this message on her husband's cell phone from another woman who just

mentioned that she had a sex dream about her husband. And that's all the wife needed to see. She made no attempt to talk to her husband about that text message and what it meant to him. That would make far too much sense. She said to herself in that moment, no time to talk about it, Oh, no. It's time to file my teeth into fangs, like a lunatic serial killer from a friggin' movie. And it's time to make a plan to violently chew my husband's penis smooth off of the rest of his body. So she made a plan. She made her husband dinner. She mixed him a few drinkies.

This and that. They're having a good time. She made like they were having a nice little... Something with the vodka ended, I'd imagine. And then when they hit the sack, She said to her husband, brace yourself, Vladimir. I'm going to throw one of my classic Russian blowjays at you. And Vlad said, duh.

But that's when she sank those sharpened teeth into his poor little Russian pecker. She played it out all night long, filling them full of drinks, give him something or another to eat, dancing up and down. They're listening to the Russian radio. How about I go down on a pimp?

He said, And that's when she chewed his pecker off. Now, Vladimir lived to tell the story, but his unit will never be the same, and I'll explain more about that in a minute. Shockingly, Vlad can recall the exact moment his wife ate his St. Petersburg right off of his body. He said she bit down, hoared, separated it from the rest of his body, spit it across the room and said, quote, it's your own fault. Now you can't do it with anyone else. And that's when Vlad passed smooth out. I bet. But there's blood everywhere. He fell out cold. And when he came to,

he was pouring blood out from where his gear used to be. And the wife was gone. He picked up what was left of his pecker, eventually made it to a hospital. Unfortunately, it doesn't work anymore. The word is his only option going forward here, Cubby, is probably getting hooked up with one of those robodongs with the electro pump or whatever. Poor bastard. Vlad said he never, ever, ever, ever cheated on his wife at all. He says he didn't know she was a violent moron until he felt those fangs digging into his

Russian peepee. His wife is off the prison now for five years. That doesn't seem fair to me. he has lost the use of his tallywacker for the rest of his damn life and she's only going to sit in the cooler for five years that doesn't sit well with me he's going to dominate it oral i bet though don't you think he's going to have to compensate i wouldn't you know what josh i mean if i were him i wouldn't even be interested in sex anymore you just retire after something like that i'd be so frigging gun-shy i'd never

oh they have a child together by the way which is great kids can need some therapy that's for sure. Vlad is currently raising their seven-year-old kid as a single parent. Oh, and the wife, by the way, she still wants to stay in contact with Vlad. She still wants to mail him a letter now and again from prison and be like, hey, you know, it's me. So apparently she's told Vlad that the routine she went through in order to sharpen her teeth, now that she's sitting in the Russian big house, she said, whatever she did to her teeth to sharpen them. She now, it's given her a case of tooth decay. All of her teeth are falling out. That poor gal. Yeah. She's a real victim here.

And you know what? This is great. You know what Vlad said in response to her? Two words, he said, Karma, bitch. That's just absolutely one of the more disturbing things. I bet you'll hear all day. All day.

Five years, Josh. Would that satisfy you? No. No. Five years. You SS, are you kidding me? I might have said if I was in that court, and then they'd probably arrest me for that comment.

I'd like to arrest you for that. She, I mean, you know, in a fit of rage, it's still awful and horrible and never should happen, but you can almost, that's so much less cycle, but planning ahead, that's crazy, but then filing your teeth on top all that. There's no five years, she's a danger to everybody. That's a hit horror movie is what that is.

That shouldn't be real life. Sports on the 93X half-assed morning show. What are we got here, Covey? I was all pumped to watch that Twins game last night. It went nowhere quickly. Jesus. Joe Ryan. My goodness.

That was an unusual start for the fella. I mean, what the hell happened last night? Jesus. That was the worst start in baseball history, I think. I think it should go down as the worst start in baseball. baseball history. Where did he give up? Seven home runs? Did he give up six or seven? I know the Guardians hit seven home runs in last night's ballgame and that's like a team record or a tied a team record. How many did Ryan give up? Was it frigging seven? Yeah, I'm looking it up. It was ridiculous.

I was reading that six. He gave up six. I was reading that one of the side notes here, people are saying, well, that's going to hurt his trade value. You know if the twins wanted to make a move. That's what I was thinking. Jesus, cramony. They just got destroyed last night. in Cleveland. We can get into it a little bit later with Randy Schaver. Holy smokes. What else is going on? There ain't a hell of a lot else going on. But yeah, Monday night, you know, I had something or another to eat. I thought I'd plant my ass on the...

Before I could say Jack Robinson, that game had gotten completely out of control. All right, before we go, because we've got to cut to the chase. Josh has a news report. He's spent all day preparing for it. But earlier on this morning, we were talking a lot about music, or as my dad used to say, music. I got my new ukulele. We learned that a lot of our listeners play an instrument or two. Some of them very complex, very talented crowd, very musical crowd.

We mentioned a one-man band from Virginia, Minnesota. A listener introduced us to this guy. We looked up his videos on YouTube. We're very interested in hiring this guy for a future half-ass morning show event. Steve, ah, God, it's going to take me all day. Sol. Sol. Steve Sulkula

One-man band He can play 37 instruments at once We're looking to hire this guy A few of our listeners Are familiar with Steve So we're going to work on that We're going to work on hiring Steve How about this Josh

Here's a listener who says He knows a lady Who is in an all-female punk band And this listener is going to see them this Friday So I'd like to make a little shout out We love the local bands and everything We'd love to hire a every damn last one of you if we stick around long enough.

This would look good on a marquee. So this listener knows a lady who plays in an all-female punk band, Josh, and they're playing this Friday. They're called the menstrual tramps. That's excellent. You like that? I got to look them up. Let's find out where they're playing on Friday.

That's really good. The menstrual tramps. You find it yet? Yeah. I want to wait until we can shout out. where they're playing on Friday. Let's see. Tonight only.

Steve Sokola with the menstrual tramps. That would be fun. Maybe you can get back to us when we launch into your news report. What do you think? Yeah. I'm not on face. Danny, you might have to look it up. I'm not on Facebook.

Oh, they're only on Facebook? More on the menstrual tramps when we return for Josh's news. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, Everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy.

So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation

benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The United States Soccer Federation presents the U.S. Soccer Podcast. I'm your host, Megan Klingerberg. One thing I promised you is an all-access pass that you. You wouldn't get on any other show. And we found out that whoever comes on scores a goal. Burhole, Freeman, trusty. U.S. Soccer podcast magic is real, people.

We still got plenty of coverage all throughout this World Cup. Okay, let's get into it. The U.S. Soccer podcast, presented by Hencoe. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93x half-assed morning show. Would it revert, Terry? What do you reverse? 93X rocks.

Oh, Lox. Blackman says. that she screamed and cried in agony, begging the doctor to stop, but he allegedly told her that she should, quote, just get it over with, and that he was in a rush to get out of the clinic and went on with the procedure despite her pleas.

Most people leave the podiatrist with lighter feet, not lighter fluid. An organ woman is suing for millions after she said her podiatrist injected her toes with rubbing alcohol instead of anesthetic. Oh, wow. With the lawsuit claiming, he was more focused on punching the clock

then checking the syringe. He ripped out two ingrown toenails while she felt every excruciating second. Oh, man. If the lawsuit is accurate, this could be one of the most expensive attempts to leave work early ever. It claims the disastrous mistake happened

because the doctor was rushing to get the rest of the day off. He was just looking to get the hell out of there, huh? Tea time or something. Yeah. Sarah Blackman went in for what should have been a standard treatment to remove two ingrown toenails. Instead of numbing the area with lytocaine,

the lawsuit states the podiatrist mistakenly pumped alcohol directly into the affected toe and then proceeded with the extraction while Blackman was fully, painfully awake to the agony. Yikes. The nightmare didn't end in the chair. Blackman said her toes immediately burned and throbbed, eventually swelling into a red, oozy mess as the skin began to discolor. When she rushed to the emergency room, baffled ER staff couldn't make sense of her deteriorating condition because they had no idea that rubbing alcohol was trapped inside her feet. She was later admitted to the hospital and treated for severe infection and, ooh, tissue necrosis.

Yeah, that's not good. The doctor's quick exit turned into a $13 million problem as Blackman and her husband are seeking that amount. The monetary demand covers negligence, medical malpractice, and the total upending of the couple's home life, they said. The suit seeks damages for the loss of companionship, comfort, and affection, even conjugal relations. Well, they might as well try to cover everything while they're at it, right? Again, this is her foot. And needless to say, any future attempts at foot jobs are off the table.

The lawsuit describes rubbing alcohol as the perfect cellular killer, claiming it destroyed tissue in her toes and may have even impaired her ability to walk. Well, that sounds nasty. A little ridiculous, some of where they're going with that lawsuit. but at the same time you went through that much pain? Maybe you should really run this some bitch over the coals, right? Yeah, I think she should get something out of that. But yeah, I mean, can you imagine you could get out of anything, it sounds like.

She doesn't want to, she's not interested in her husband sexually anymore. She's like, well, we better throw that in there. I couldn't possibly have sex with you. I mean, in a sense, maybe she's on Easy Street now. But if all of that is true, that's brutal. I mean, no kidding. You ever had a fingernail or a toenail come smooth off? Yes.

And I've had... That is an intense pain. I've had an ingrown toenail removed, but they used the right stuff. It didn't bother me at all. I want my friggin' doctor to pay attention. I'm with you on that. Or I'll just reschedule. Hey, I'll come back at different time if you've got something else going on.

Yeah, you've got to be somewhere. You got to be somewhere. You want to go see Disclosure Day or something? Go for it. I ripped this thumbnail off, my left thumbnail. I ripped it off twice. Ow. And that's some bitch.

I mean, I was climbing the walls. There's a reason that's like in every torture movie, right? Right. It's incredibly painful. A 27-year-old New Jersey man peddled straight into police custody after attempting a battery-powered getaway on an e-bike, dragging a responding officer along for the ride because he couldn't resist the urge to rub his nuts on an occupied car.

That's different. Police rushed to a parking lot last Wednesday about 8.30 p.m. following frantic calls regarding a shirtless suspect, friction testing is lower half against a vehicle. Did you put your nuts on my car? He put his nuts on his car. Damn. Witness reported that the man was acting erratically and aggressively,

trying to force his way inside that occupied vehicle. When officers arrived, the suspect debuted a dramatic wardrobe update. He was still shirtless, but now safely wearing a motorcycle helmet. The helmet-clad exhibitionist immediately tried to use some battery-assisted pedal power in a bid for freedom, attempting to abscond from the scene on a knee bike. During the pursuit, he briefly dragged one of the responding officers before police managed to tackle and arrest him. Wow, I didn't know any e-bike could support the weight of one pervert and one police officer. Yeah, a couple.

He was able to drag them down the street, huh? As it turns out, the e-bike escape was just the grand finale of a legendary evening. Investigators later discovered he'd already stolen food from multiple businesses, casually strolled behind store counters, and used the caller's trunk as a trampoline. The temper tantrum didn't stop once he was in custody either. He tried to eat the first responders. Police report the suspect tried to bite both the officers and the EMTs on the scene. So he's altogether just completely insane.

But you don't happen to have any more information on the nuts on the car, do you? All they said was he kept rubbing his genitals on a car before trying to get into it. Fully cooked, that individual, fully cooked. This is terribly sad, but the circumstances are unusual enough. It's making national headlines. A motorcyclist was killed in South Florida after crashing into a vehicle parked in front of a building. That building happened to be a funeral home, a grim coincidence on its own. Oh, boy.

But that's not the only part of the story gaining attention. The vehicle the motorcycle crashed into was a hearse. In other words, of the two dead bodies on the scene, one of them was already deceased. Elsewhere in the state, critics sometimes say police are never around when you need them, but one unfortunate 15-year-old on an electric scooter apparently found the exception. Dashcam video captured the moment a Florida teen ran a stop sign and darned the luck, immediately collided with a deputy's patrol car. Thankfully, he wasn't hurt, but in the meantime, police are asking parents to talk with their kids

about riding safely on e-bikes. Man, you see more or more of those stories lately about e-bikes. Those kids rule. They do. They totally rule. I don't think I would have made it out of childhood if we had those. None of us would have, but I'm very envious. Go ahead, kids. You're getting it done. And from two wheels to three, a Florida man was arrested after stealing multiple lawn gnomes

before fleeing the scene. Putting his nuts on him? On his getaway tricycle. A getaway tricycle? You don't hear about that too much. I'd like to see that. Not at all. Comedy troop Broken Lizard barged on stage during a limp biscuit performance.

in full Super Troopers' outfits, and they issued the band a noise complaint. The act occurred on Saturday at one of Creed's Summer of 99 and Beyond festivals, and this one in Tinley Park, Illinois, with the new metal veterans closing their set with the song that would see the comedy crew storm on stage. Initially, the crowd seemed unaware of the ruse, then one of the members of Broken Lizard laid it on the chicken effers pretty thick.

We got a noise complaint. We're shutting this shit down. Shut up all you chicken fickers. You're a chicken f***er. You're a chicken f***er. All you up there are chicken fissors. What's the name of this band? The chicken fissures.

Figures. It was at that point, of course. The crowd realized what was happening with the broken lizard guys rocking out alongside Limp Biscuit for the rest of break stuff. Earlier this month, Limp Biscuit invited comedian Tom Green on the stage at a show in Ottawa. Tom Green.

The former MTV personality joined the band for Roland in that case. 1995 all over again. Meanwhile, the Broken Lizard crew's busy gearing up for the release of Super Troopers 3, the next installment in the cult favorite franchise, which began in 2001. The movie officially comes out August 7th,

but you won't have to wait that long because the guys are hanging out with us right here in studio just two weeks away. I love that movie, The Super Troopers. I know you do. You've talked about it forever. Yeah. That'll be Monday morning, August 3rd. I have to try to establish that fact, John.

before they get here. Yeah, smart to kind of change your tune on that? I'm going to rewrite history. You've got a couple weeks to pretend you liked it. I love Super Troopers, man. Were there all the cops and whatnot? That's the one. I love that.

When are they going to be stopping by here? August 3rd. Yeah, they're going to be in town for SummerSlam that weekend and they're going to come by Monday morning. What are they doing at SummerSlam? I'm not sure yet. Oh. Promoting the movie?

Yeah. They can take on Tom Brady and... God. Logan Paul and Carl Anthony Towns than Danhausen? In other concert-related news, yes. A Morgan Wallen fan was left pissed off and on

after accusing a man of urinating all over his family during the country star's recent stop in Baltimore. She has his hand completely out, and he's urinating all over the back of my seat, my wife's leg, my leg, my niece. And he's losing at me saying, it's good, bro, it's good. At that point, I kind of grab him, push him back,

and said, what are you doing? You're all over me. Police confirmed an active criminal investigation is under the way. That sucks. That's pretty gross. Come on, man. We were alerted about a local punk band made up of Foxy Ladies called menstrual tramps. Yes.

I love it. Whoever came up with that, they just said, you know what? You can be the lead singer, whatever you want. Genius. And we were curious where they're playing. I looked at their schedule. It looks like menstrual tramps plays about every 28 days. This Friday, they'll be at memory lanes.

memory lanes with virgin whores and spit takes and Fiera That sounds like a friggin' riot I love the names Yeah, I want to see those bands Word up, menstrual tramps Get it done I like spit take too

Spit take that's pretty good This is gonna be good Yeah, it's gonna be good show We've had two separate text messages this morning That have woken us up to some wildly talented musicians in town Steve Urkel. What the hell was that guy's name?

We've mentioned it a couple times now. Steve Sokola. And now the menstrual tramps, thank you for all these wonderful heads up. We dig it. Half a million dollars for the ultimate dunk. Shaquille O'Neal is making it happen tonight on TNT with the series premiere of Dunk Man.

Here we go. 24 elite dunkers from around the globe are going to head-to-head to slam home a $500,000 championship championship check with 200,000 more up for grabs and performance bonuses. I imagine the, what's the word they use in the business? The props might be something to see. Yeah, I bet, you know, if Shaq's involved, I'm sure he'll have some funny things to say. Because obviously it's not just going to be, oh, I'm going to do a windmill.

Oh, I'm going to do a spinning behind the, they're going to probably bring out. They'll be jumping over dinosaurs. Dinosaurus. Light the net on fire. There'll be all kinds of props. Key Leon, Ted Lassow, Juno Temple, 37 today. Josh Hartnett, 48, and comedic genius, John Lovitz, 69. Shout out to the Neo-Electrical crew.

Also, good luck to trucker Chris Jesus on his new position starting today. Rockbaster, Jesus, text to Luther Kia Bloomington text line with the birthday shout out to his twin brother Brian and said he may have been born on the same day, but you'll always be 47 minutes older than him. twin brothers who get along so well they send each other birthday wishes over the radio? Yeah. I didn't think that was a thing. It can happen. You can strive for that. I talked to my brother on the telephone last night.

How'd it go? It's boring. Did you call to tell him some things about him he don't like? I'm glad to hear you guys had a conversation. I don't recall now. I don't know what the hell we don't talk much. I missed him on the booze crews. He didn't show up.

Yeah, I know. It'd have been nice to see him. Happy birthday to all. Laura from Beefwalk Jesus. And happy 25th anniversary to former radio guy Jesus and vertically challenged Jesus. She said, thanks for dealing with my cranky ass for so long. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver.

On the half-assed morning show. What's going on, Randy Shaver? Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, man. Are you okay? Is Joe Ryan related? Oh.

Are you having an orgasm? Oh, great. What the hell's going on? Yeah, it's a sore neck. Oh, sure. It kept turning to the right seven times in like two innings. Dude, you've got, that's called whiplash. Yeah, I just really sore this morning.

I'll be dipped. The Cleveland Guardian. stomped the mud hole in the twins last night and then they walked it dry. Didn't expect that. No, I didn't either. I was telling the boys I sat down on the couch hoping to see this spirited division divisional clash between the twins and the guard dogs. Joe Ryan picked a bad night to have one of the worst starts in baseball history. It truly was. It really was. Just brutal. The results have not been good. now two games in a row the boys have been pumped good yeah first of all you wonder you know

where this leads to in the series against cleveland because that that's not a good sign they're already five games back and three games out of the wild card with quite a few teams sandwiched in between but then you wonder okay what does this mean for joe riot what could this have something feel like something for his future i mean you know why do I want to make a trade for a guy who just gave up six home runs in three innings you know or you wonder mentally is is is maybe this conversation about the trade deadline taking a toll on him too you know could be maybe it's maybe it's in the back of his mind too i don't know that i think a story's going to break here in a day or two that says he was tipping his pitches yeah that might be too he might have

been just tipping his pitches so terribly last night that the guardians were all over it. If you drank your way through it and didn't watch the twins, the final final from Cleveland last night was 13 to 4. And of course, like Randy was hinting at, you know, a lot of you know, that this year is a big series for a couple different reasons with the trade deadline coming up and all that. If you know what we mean, then you know what we're saying. So not a great start here for this four-game series with a division rival. But Joe Ryan tied a major league record and set a Twins franchise record by allowing six home runs. I understand.

How long has Major League Baseball been around, Josh? 150 years. 100 years. Joe Ryan is only the 12th pitcher in big league history to give up six bombs in a game. No post game ice cream for him. Normally a pitcher doesn't stick around long enough to give up six home runs in one game. So there's something for that too. but yeah it was pretty ugly last night oh man it just again i i wonder you know where this all leads

to by the end of this week what does it look like by the end of the week so now a couple listeners have texted in telling you randy shaver um a good medication for a stiff neck is something stride Richland straw has been known to There are side effects to strifex Like quite a few It's a hell of a list I suppose when you If you hear them all in a row But listeners are saying

Stry Richland Straw might help with your stiff neck Watching all those Watching all those dons go sailing over the fence And a couple of guys who went yard on Ryan Were just bums Yeah Pedy Helping That's not a real name

It is Batting last In the order Ninth in the order Was a cat By the name of Pedy Halpin I don't know He was batting like

194 going into last night And I believe He ain't helping anybody He ain't helping himself He ain't helping the Guardian's most nights I understand that He hit two dongs off of Ryan

And those were his first two career home runs I could be wrong about that But I think that's what I read Reese Hoskins, also terrible batting it. He went yard twice. He's a power hitter, though. I'll give it to him. Someone texted in, it's bigger when it's warm out.

Jesus wants to know, what do we mean by tipping his pitches? Well, sometimes a pitcher can do a poor job of hiding what pitch is coming. Yes. They make a certain movement with their upper body before they throw a curveball. They make a certain little hitch with their arm when they're throwing a fastball. It's something that professional batters can pick up on quite easily. And it's possible that Cleveland

in a scouting report saw this two games, three games ago. Right. And was just waiting for it last night and it showed itself and they took advantage. You know, they say that like sometimes with quarterbacks, right, where they kind

of tip when they're going to throw. Kirk Cousins was always criticized for that. He tapped the ball twice before he'd make a decision. Yeah. I remember of people texting about that saying just watch every time before he's actually going to throw it he'll tap it twice what a nightmare that guy was really each team has people that watches video just for all these very these these reasons just to find an advantage somewhere so you got text coming in on last night's ball game that's funny left-handed specialist Jesus says

this is you know he he's not out to make any friends this morning left-handed specialist Jesus. He said the twins game was so bad last night I turned on WWE. He said, I saw a Danhausen segment. I just turned that off to and I read a book. Oh, he didn't like Dan Housen. Bad night for television, he says, left-handed speak. He doesn't like Dan Housen. He doesn't like what Joe Ryan and the twins had going last night. Yeah. The Cleveland Guardians have been around for 125 years. And this was the sixth time. in 125 years that they went deep seven times. Six off of Joe Ryan, one other was given up by, I don't know, was it suck, suck me, go, the relief pitch.

Yeah, yeah. The franchise record for dongs in Cleveland's 125 history is eight. They hit seven last night. The all-time record is eight in 97. Cleveland hit eight dongs off of Milwaukee pitching staff in 2004. They hit eight off of the Seattle Mariners. Holy balls was that bad. The Guardians had 19 hits on the night.

That's the most they've come up with all year long. Son of a bitch. I was really kind of hoping that the twins would come out of the All-Stargate hot and really make things interesting. Not only for we suckers, parentheses fans. but also for the crooked twins ownership. Yeah, put some pressure on them. Right.

But that, you know, less things change dramatically here, that pressure's starting to go away. I'm not trying to be overdramatic. I mean, they could go on and win this series. They could win three of the, you know. Right, yeah. There's a chance they could turn it around here. Buck was back in the mix last night.

He had a couple of hits. Yeah. So I guess F that game. You got to get going for real now. Game two tonight. last night was historic in many negative ways. Let's see if they can turn it around. Parker Messick is a lefty for Cleveland.

He'll pitch tonight. And the twins are going to go with, at least what I have on paper here is Kendris Rojas. Okay. What else are people saying about last night's game? They're sickened by it, Randy Shaver. A new guy was in the corner puking his guts out. Oh, it's just too bad.

Yeah, that one just blew. I wonder, too, and it'd be great to get on a Glenn Perkins or somebody that maybe can give us a little bit of perspective. I wonder what the baseball, the potential baseball strike does to teams at the trading deadline. If that's, if that's, if that's, if that potential strike, you know, makes you think twice about trading certain players or is, incentive to trade players knowing that there's likely a work stoppage in the spring and next year that could be significant.

What does that does that make you hesitate a little bit in trading a Joe Ryan or somebody like that too? Thank God I'm not in charge of things like that. Gives me a headache. That's a lot to think about it. Now you've got a headache and a stiff neck. Yeah.

Randy mentioned his neck is a little his neck is thrown out of whack from watching all those Joe Ryan dons go sailing across the end-dump loader operator Jesus thinks we should give Randy a heads up on that rub map. Oh yeah, we were talking about that yesterday.

I don't remember that what are the specifics on the rub map? It's a place where people leave reviews for massage parlors where they got a little something extra at the end. What they refer to as a happy ending. Yes. Usually a dry, Handjob. Randy, do you have a

computer in front of you? I do. Maybe you want to look up the rub map. I just learned about... I don't think I'll do that. Maybe some of them you're unfamiliar with. I think I'll pass on that. I'll take your word for it. All right. I figured you would.

Somebody texted yesterday said there's also a website for Gloryholes, if you're interested. I remember we talked about that one too. Actually tracked that one down. Oh, yesterday? No, no. This is like a year or two years ago, but do you remember that topic coming up? Well, that really stuck with you, didn't.

Well, yeah, I mean, I have a new homepage. I was thinking, how did I miss that from yesterday? You know, me and that society, we used to be a secret. Now everybody's talking about it. That's not what we wanted, Josh. We? Right? When we started our glory hole society, we didn't want to be public.

It's a bunch of posers now. They are. They're not as dedicated to it as some of us. I know we haven't mentioned this baseball-related story, but the Red Sox are this year's Detroit Tigers. Unbelievable what they've done since Jalen Brown was traded by the Boston Celtics. The Red Sox have won four. Yeah, they've won 14 straight baseball games since Jalen Brown was traded by the Celtics.

Oh, I didn't know the Celtics connection. But I knew the Red Sox were going. for their 15th win in a row tonight. Yeah, all because of Jalen Brown. I mean, our Red Sox fans showing up at the park with their Jalen Brown jerseys and whatnot? That I don't know, but I just know that this winning streak has somehow been connected to Jalen Brown. And, of course, with the standings the way they are, Boston's now has passed the twins as a wild card. And they're also, well, the three games over 500, they're only seven.

six-back of Tampa. So they're playing unbelievable baseball. They've won 14 straight games. All right. Here's the deal. Maybe we should trade somebody on the timber wolves and see what happens. Timberwolves. I don't know if I want to.

It would depend on who we're trading. Well, but I'm willing to go along with it. True. 80 years ago, when Ted Williams was playing for the Boston Red Sox, they won 15 games in a row in the 19 and 46 season. That's amazing. And if the Red Sox can win tonight, they're playing at home against the Baltimore Orioles.

If they can win tonight, they will tie that record. I remember a little ball club, Josh, in 19 and 91, that won 15 games in a row. They were the-killed my grandma. They were the worst team in the American League and the second worst team in Major League League baseball when this streak started. that's how bad they were and this is how they've been able to rebound and I forget

exactly what the Tigers did a couple of years ago or last year or whenever they had that crazy run in the last two months of the season where the, I think ESPN gave them a 0.1% chance of making

the postseason and they went all the way to the wild card or whatever it was that year. So Boston's kind of mimicking that in some ways, although there's a lot of season left to go, too. You know, why couldn't that happen to the Pittsburgh Pirates or the... Yeah, I know. Instead of the Red Sox.

Minnesota Twins or the... Right. No, I get that. I wish that was the case. I think the Jalen Brown connection is cute. Other than that, I can't feel good for very long about the Boston Red Sock. What are people texting in about here, Randy Schaber? Well, someone went to that glory hole map, Josh? and they said that a lot of the locations are senior living communities.

Is that a joke? I mean, you hear that they're all kind of passing each other around. Randy. What? Well, you live in a senior living community. I mean, we've heard STD spread through there pretty fast. Okay. Well, this is not whatever the place is in Florida.

This is not that. Okay. The villages. Yeah. What's the villages? That's that infamous Florida, I don't think they're actually like a swinger's place, are they? No, they're not a swinger's place, but it's...

You're horned up if you live there. Yeah. Okay, I hadn't heard about this. So this is a notorious... Oh, come on. You've never heard of that? We've talked about it. You're just not remembering.

Sure, I forget some things, but let's just be... It's infamous for that. Okay. Maybe I just forgot. There's an infamous senior living community in Florida called the Villages, and they say if you want to get some action, that's where you go? That's the rumor, at least. It seems like there's a lot of stories that come out of there.

Is that where they put up the flamingos and the gnomes and everything? Yeah, wine bottles. Orgy in room three, blowbang in room seven. Okay. I don't think I've ever heard of that. I'm the type of guy that would remember something like that. And Randy, you mentioned the looming baseball strike. Yep.

That ought to be something. Did you ever go on strike? as a broadcaster? On strike? Yeah, did you guys ever go on strike for any reason? No. You were in the business for a long time. Were you guys union?

They were union, Josh, when I first started at CARE. And then when Gannett bought us, within the first, oh gosh, maybe within the first two years, we ended up voting the union out. and I don't know if there's another if there are other unions in town there still might be I guess

I don't know that for sure but it was a big thing in the mid-80s in the Twin Cities for broadcast unions Josh before we're done with this conversation let's pretend that we're going to go on strike

I want your top three demands you think you could come up with three Top three demands. Top three. Take your time. Not right now. You can write it down. Think about it. Well, it'd be nice if somebody ran a vacuum in here, everyone. Or at least provided a vacuum, and I'd be happy to do it. That'd be one thing. I don't think that's the demand he was hoping for, but yes, I get it. Well, it's all him. I mean, I can come up with my three, and we can come up with the greatest hits. I'm just wondering, what would come to mind for you? You'd like the place to be a little cleaner? Yeah. I'm happy to do it just to throw a vacuum in here. Remember when we brought that blue light, black light into the studio?

That was gross. We found money shots. Our friends at Seen Clean came in here with the, you know, this is what they do. Yeah. And they said there's some evidence that some things have happened. And I have caught people in the process with themselves or others in this building. Yes. Twice.

Oh, you know these stories, Randy? I don't think I do. Oh, one of my favorite moments. Your memory's fading, just like mine. One of my favorite moments. around here is when one of the bosses is like, hey, you know what, we're bringing somebody back. I think you guys know.

And like, oh, do tell. They told us who it was. And I said, you know that story? I've told you about a gentleman I caught pleasing himself in the studio? That's the guy. And the look on his face was awesome. We're bringing back the jerk off guy? And Josh said, yeah, you're bringing back the jerk off guy. That's the guy I've been telling the story about all these years.

Our boss couldn't believe it. But it's true. It was funny. He's like, why don't I come to you guys for hiring decisions in the future? If you can, write down some other demands. If we were to go on strike, I'd love to hear what you're looking for. Oh, yeah, I have to think about that. Here's a listener who wants to know.

Okay, if the baseball players go on strike, who do they bring in to play ball? I guess they're picturing some type of a scab situation. Oh, I don't think that's going to happen. There won't be a scab situation. No, no. They'll just shut baseball down all together at the big league level. And that's the whole idea, I think, at that point, because, you know, the biggest thing on the table is a salary. And the players absolutely don't want that.

The owners do because that's really the only way baseball is going to survive considering all the TV revenue issues that they've had over the last couple of years. Yeah, I mean, the NFL went with that scab gimmick in 87. Was it 87? I think you're right. Yep. Where the players didn't want to play, and I don't remember why. And they brought in, you know, JV guys.

Oh, yeah. I remember... It was ugly. It was pretty poor football. I remember David Letterman made a great joke in one of his top ten lists when the NFL was in the middle of their scab season. And David Letterman, one of the top ten things you set out loud while watching the scab NFL season. And one of the jokes on the list was, hey, look, it's my old gym teacher. Ah, sure. All right.

All right. Don't you wish you could just get really lucky just once and it puts your ass on Easy Street? Well, this isn't exactly, you know, F you money to where you could relax for the rest of your life, but it's still a big chunk of change for nothing. and I thought you would take great interest in this Randy Schaeber because you're an old NBA fan

so this dude he's a 19 year old kid by the name of Quinn 19 year old kid and I guess he sort of makes a little side money by going to thrift stores buys this and that resells the items online makes a few bucks

buys a lot of Vintage clothing and maybe he knows how to repair the clothing or something and he resells them online He's been doing this for a few years so far the biggest chunk of change he ever made Through this gimmick was two hundred and fifty dollars bought a pair of old disco pants or something and repaired them and sold them resold them for two hundred and fifty dollars Recently this kid was hanging out at a thrift shop in Portland Oregon and he saw something in the bin that looked Los Angeles Lakers related. He pulls

it out the bin and after a while what he realized was that he was holding a legitimate warm-up jacket worn by Wilt Chamberlain when he played for the Lakers in the friggin'

60s. Wow. He got it for $3.7. No way. And once he realized what he was holding He put it up for auction and recently walked out of that auction, Cubby, with $89,000. How did he know it had been worn by Wilts Chamberl? There's a gimmick that you can do now, I understand. You can put these items online.

It's called like matching or something like that. Yeah, okay. You can send these pictures to experts, auction companies, sports memorabilia, experts, and they can determine whether it's authentic or not. And they can tell even down to the games in which he wore it in. Damn near. Just by a picture of it? Yeah.

Yes. That's crazy. I'd keep a black light away from that thing, wouldn't you? I was so... You don't think he wore it when... Oh, he wore it. I think if it was in the room, there's some... Some of those ladies asked him to wear it.

Keep that on. Oh, man. It's like the guys from Kiss talking about how many women wanted them to stay. in character or get out of character before they had an orgy on the sweet level of the Radisson. There was an article last week about someone who found like

a sword that was hundreds of years old in the forest. And I always wonder how I would never think that was of any value. I would assume it was garbage and I'd pick it up and throw it away or something. Wouldn't you assume that it was a lorper? Yeah, it was just something completely worth.

I'd have no idea. Sometimes when you see some of those like pawn star, Is that what it's called? Yeah, right. Those shows, and you think, well, that can't be worth anything, and then it's worth something. I'd be the worst, and I love getting rid of stuff. So I would definitely throw something valuable away.

I am with you, Josh. So what did this individual get for a sword? Well, I don't know if they got really anything, but they were saying it was basically this historical artifact. To me, it just looked like rusted garbage. So here's this kid again. He finds this Wilts Chamberlain, Los Angeles Lakers, warm-up jacket in a thrift store. He hands them $3 in trade. They give them the warm-up

jacket. The thrift store had no idea. And through this matching or whatever the gimmick is called, he contacted these sports memorabilia experts, and they said the jacket was likely used worn by Wilts Chamberlain during the 71-72 NBA season. But they know for sure it was worn during the 1972 NBA finals. Yeah. They think he may have, you know, worn it also in the 73, see, this and that.

They know for sure it's legit. And there you effing go. You know, if I own a thrift store and sports memorabilia comes through my store, I think I would have a little bit of interest in figuring out whether it was worth something

before I put it out there. Wouldn't you? But there's so much stuff coming in and out. No, I get it. You'd go crazy sorting through all that stuff. Have you looked up, Nick, what your Brett Favre football would go for nowadays? No. I wonder if, like, the scandals have changed that.

I'm going to do that. You know, I used to be tight with Brent back in the 90s. Let me look that up right now. Brett Favra. Autographed football. That wasn't a game-used ball or anything, was it? I have no idea if it was game-used. I don't think so.

I should, oh, whoa, whoa, wait, wait just a damn minute here. Holy balls. I'm rich. Are you really? I'm filthy rich. What's it going to go for? I'm not telling you, dick, you're going to send someone to knock me out and break into my home. Couldn't I just Google it on my own?

I suppose. I'm seeing between $3 and $600. Oh, Dana. I'm seeing more than that. much more. Brent Farr. What are what those crocks would go for? Oh.

Are they used? I bet like TMZ or something would pay for them. No, it's hundreds of dollars. I'm seeing a wide range online as to what a Brent Farrv autograph football is worth, but it's hundreds of dollars between three and a thousand. Is it just an autograph? It doesn't say like two Nick, my pal. No, it just has his automograph.

That's better. That's better. Yes. Yes. Yes, not personalized or anything like that. What else do I have? Oh, I have a... All right, Josh, do this for me.

What about Randall Cunningham, the greatest quarterback in Viking history? I have an autographed Randall Cunningham football. Probably a hundred bucks. Is he in the Hall of Fame? No. No. I don't think he is. Hall of Fame means a great difference, doesn't it, Randy?

It does, especially if it's signed H-O-F. Oh, okay. Yes. Oh, that adds to it? Yes. It does add to it. Yes. And there's a... Because I'm sorry.

Because that means that that person was actually alive when he did it, you know, when he signed it. Sure. And makes it like, I guess, a little bit more legit for somebody who's buying it. So here I see a Brent Farb autographed football for $562. But the ones that say HOF 16, that was the year that Brent went in, those are going for near 1,000. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So there is a difference.

At least maybe Cubby, you and I can take a trip to Grand Maray or something like that. Hey, I'd love to. With the money I make from my Brent Far. Hopefully in the fall, catch some colors. Colors, yes. You know, back to this Wilts Chamberlain warm-up suit deal, one of my pals, and now he's too old to pull it off. But back in the day, he could have gotten away with it.

He had this little dream, and he was never able to pull it off. He said his dream was to get his hands on. a warm-up suit from any NBA franchise other than the Timberwolves. And then when that franchise came to town to play at Target Center, he was going to put on that warm-up suit and then try to sneak out onto the floor for warm-ups. And if you know the gimmick underneath Target Center, if you know how it's set up where the opposite club comes out of their locker room,

they kind of walk through a common area. Now I think they have like a little disco club down there I've been down there a few times. It's like this VIP area with great food, and you can mill around and drink and watch the opposite club come in and out. So that was his idea. He'd put on the warm-up outfit and somehow sneak over the ropes.

I really think he could have pulled it off because he's a tall guy. He looked apart. But now that he's 55 years old, it ain't going to work. No. No, probably not. No. But I believe he could have gotten away with it.

He would at least, I think, could have gotten a shot or two up before someone said, okay, who is that guy? Right. Wonder what kind of trouble you can get in for something like that? Trespassing. The same as these dopes that run on the court with their little political message. Maybe back in the day, they just say get out of here, but I bet it would be worse now. Yes, Randy.

I was going to say two Hall of Fame notes. One, happy birthday, Tony Oliva, turned 88. Oh, wow. So happy birthday of Tony. And number two, I'm sure you know that the twins are. doing a Kirby Puckett jersey giveaway. Oh, yeah. On Saturday.

Sweet. First 10,000 fans that come in. It's been a long time since I've seen that number 34 in a picture of Puck. But I see it. I'm just looking at the Star Tribune website here as I'm reading some stuff and it's all over the top of the website. Yeah, the good looking. That's kind of cool.

Oh, I love anything related to Turkey Bucket and it's going to be the old powder blue. Yes, it is. Jersey. The beauty. Yeah, yeah. I pulled up a picture of it. Yeah. Yeah.

Isn't that great? Yeah. Just kind of gives you, makes you smile. I bet people begin lying early for one of those. I'm sure you're right. Every once in a while, I'll see you. Like you, Dana? Yeah, like when I used to stay overnight of the Metrodome for the bobbleheads.

Do you have a big collection? I know Nick does. I got a lot of bobbleheads. I've been, I've been, what's the word I'm looking for? Relieving myself of some of them. Because it is overwhelming. I got boxes and boxes of these frigging bobbleheads. We had a silent auction at the American Legion not that long ago

where I put eight or ten of them out there, and they made some good money for charity. All mine are in storage just because I got nowhere to put them. Well, you have what I'm talking about. I got them in boxes. Big, a tubware thing, you know, or big plastic tubs. How many do you think you have? Like just ballpark?

100, 150? Something like that? Are you around? You got to be around there, Nick. Probably. Maybe more? Less now after what I told you I gave away, or donated some of them. That's the word I've been battling with this entire conversation.

I donated some of them. What would you say your favorites are? Oh, some of the twins ones. Some of the old turkey bucket. I mean, you know, they got the classic ones. Harmon Killebrew and Tony Oliva Rod Carew. Yes, the twins ones, I think, by far. Because baseball was who originated the bobblehead.

Yes. Some of the football and hockey ones are kind of stupid looking. And baseball just does it better. Oh, yeah. It just works better. Then again, I got some good Timberwolves ones, too. I got Gorgie Jang. I've got some old...

They're fun. Sadly, that was the only decoration I had in my apartment when I was a young guy. Wow, those are cool. Women would come over, and I thought they'd be impressed by 119 bubbleheads all over. How's it done? And after a while, I looked around, I said, what am I? And after a while, I looked around, I said, what am I a nine-year-old? Why are...

I had bobbleheads all over the living room. I mean, if, if, you know, Josh, if he were to throw one more girl into the mix, we probably would have knocked them all over. Is there one, sorry if this is too tough. No, I like talking about, but we like talking about our toys, don't we, Dana? Of course we do. Is there one where the resemblance is just absolutely horrible? And then also on the flip side, one where it's super close?

Oh, there's, Dana, do you have a worst bobblehead ever? I know my worst bobblehead ever. I mean, the twins, the stadium giveaway ones, they always got it pretty close. I felt like. But some of the generic knockoff ones that are made by some outside company, those could get pretty ugly. Pretty bad. Joshter's been a lot of good ones where you look and say,

wow, they did a great job on this. I couldn't name you any names. But the worst-looking bobblehead I own is a Kevin Garnett bobblehead from when he was playing, so 25 years ago. He looks like he was in a fire. It's just awful. He just looks terrible. I got to see if I can find that.

See if you can find it. And I'll point out the... Is it Timberwolves one? Timberwolves one. Timberwell. Oh, speaking to the wolves, I know we've been talking about this online comedy cartoon show called Riot Comedy,

where they poke fun of NBA players and NBA teams. I told you, I love what they got going. They've been featuring the Bang Bros. That's my nickname for Anthony Edwards and Lamello Ball. They're the Bang Bros. In the latest Riot Comedy video that features the Timberwolves, Josh, the Bang Bros are sitting in a strip joint, and Kevin Garnett shows up to try to encourage them to practice.

Oh, no. And they say, well, we are practicing. You know, we're trying to find some women, you know. And then out of nowhere, Josh, Lamello Ball says, go-go-melo jetpack. And then Anthony Edwards jumps into Lamello Ball's lap and they escape the strip joint with a jetpack. Those guys are funny.

And the last thing Kevin Garnett says is, damn, those guys are cool. So I'm looking up these Kevin Garnett bobbleheads. He has quite a few that are horrible. Okay, can you spin them? I wonder if it's something about his face. Go-Go-Mello jetpack, and then they're gone. Okay, it's none of those.

Wow, he's had a lot of bobbleheads made. Yeah. It's none of what you're showing me right now. There's one or two that look pretty decent, but most of them are terrible. The Lynx beat the Seattle Storm last night by three points, and that Olivia Miles Gale scored 32 points with eight rebounds. and eight assists. Amazing.

I'm telling you, forget about the gal from Indiana, whatever her name is. I can't remember it now. Indiana. Kate Lardt. Forget about her, forget about all the rest of them. Olivia Miles is, that's all you need to know. It's amazing.

What was she like the sixth pick in the WMBA draft? Something like that? If she, Willie Miles was here, he could tell you. I don't know. I mean, how do those teams pass her over? I mean, she's just been phenomenal. here's a guy who wants to go after my old home decorating habits. He said, didn't you used to keep Playboys on the coffee table?

Dude, it was worse than Playboys. It was way worse than Playboys. I thought it was just maybe a year or two that you finally got rid of those. I thought your wife said, what are these doing here? They're sitting on a bookshelf or something? Oh, no, no. That was, I don't know, a good 10 years ago or so. More than that, 15 years ago.

I finally asked myself, well, it was because I watched an episode of Family Guy where Peter Griffin had one of his. What do they call it on the show? A take-out-out-take. Cutaway? Peter Griffin said something like, I felt as classless as those dudes who keep hardcore pornography out in the open at their homes, right? Yeah.

And I looked around my living room and I said, oh, my God, I'm that guy. I had Hustler magazines just laying on the coffee tin. I didn't care who. So that was quite a while ago. But yes, Josh, when my wife and I got back together and she moved. we moved in together. She found a storage cabinet I have in the basement that's just chock full of Playboys. The dirty stuff, I must keep that.

That must be in a bin somewhere. They're really dirty magazines. Oh, you still have some? I think so. Maybe I threw them away. I don't remember. Didn't you save a couple that could be worse something? I thought you had like some clatt, like a Pamela Anderson or the lady who married the rich guy that died that you absolutely loved him?

And Nicole Smith? And Nicole Smith? Now, you're talking about Playboys again. Yeah. Yes. here's the deal. The hardcore stuff I may have thrown away, I can't remember. The playboys I still have in this grand cabinet in the basement. Yes, I do have some of what you mentioned, some really cool old stuff. My wife doesn't understand why I'm keeping them. And I didn't really have an answer for it, to be honest with you. So there you go. Maybe we can, God, we got to find that bad KG bobblehead because you'll, There's so many bad ones.

You'll laugh, you're nuts up. Does he look angry in it? No, no. Okay, because there's one here where he looks. He looks to be in pain. Just a terrible rendition of the man. Can you see that one from where you're at? Oh, wow.

Oh, you mean, okay. Josh is showing me a series of Kevin Garnett bobbleheads. I didn't know he had this many that have been made for him over the years. And these are all just Timberwolds ones. The one you're showing me right there is really bad, but that's also not the one. So now I've come to learn that mine isn't the worst rendition, but it's bad.

Before we go, Randy Shaver, this comes up every year or so. Oh, God. So the NFL players took an interest in that soccer tournament, and now they're saying, look, if you can put natural grass in all of these different stadiums for the soccer players, including some indoor stadiums, why can't we have it in every place?

park in the National Football League. Totally agree. Obviously, the expense of keeping grass all year is the issue, but yes. Guys like George Kittle, who I believe is a tight end in the National Football League for the San Francisco. He and some others are saying he thinks 90% of players would prefer natural grass over artificial turf if given the option. He says, how does he say it? Keeping grass in all these stadiums for the soccer tournament proves that the NFL could do it too if owners, quote, really gave a sh. Yeah.

But it is, it's a huge undertaking. It's an expense. I mean, obviously it'd be more if you were playing more games at home on a rig like. you're only playing eight, well, with exhibition games, preseason games, you're probably playing 10 games at home, maybe. So, I mean,

or 11, it doesn't feel like a lot, but I'm sure in order to keep all of those things at the level that you need to keep them at for professional players, there's a lot of expense to it. But I agree with this point, and I honestly,

I'm one of those people. I wish they would just play on grass. I wish that there were no domed stadiums. I wish nothing had changed since 1970. I mean, I understand why high schools across Minnesota play on turf. It only makes financial sense for them. But it's always nice to watch a football game on real grass. And there's a lot of arithmetic in this article on how many players get in. Injures.

How many players get injured on natural grass? How many players get injured on artificial turf and non-contact injuries? Obviously, Karen Rogers a couple years ago being the most hilarious of them all. Down set. Oh, God, no! Like the second play for the chance or whatever is. Play two. Yeah, what was the joke?

His third snap was his knee. Oh, God. And the Jets were like in prime time for like a number of games. Oh, that's right. And they were on hard knocks. Yeah. Then all of a sudden they're like three and seven and playing Monday night football. I know there are some people out there who say, you know, an injury is never funny.

Come on. There are exceptions to every rule. All right, Randy Shaver, we're going to shut her down. We'll appreciate you coming on with us and we'll chat with you tomorrow. Sounds good. Hope your next better tomorrow. I do too. God, if we see seven more home rush down.

See you then, player. All right. We'll be back in a few minutes here on the 93X half-ass morning show. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer

when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints.

You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Jim Rome takes on sports. I will always have a complicated relationship with this game. But people evolve. So do sports. Do not make me regret. regret this. Do not make me devolve. Back to that guy that so many clones wish that I still

was. And do not embarrass the entire country. Now, I can go back. I can get there fast. Lose tonight and you got a real problem. Do not blow it. The Jim Rome Show podcast. You've been warned. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. F.S. Morning Show 93X. Yeah, it's Tuesday. You probably already knew that. It's Tuesday and we're happier than all hell. to be sharing the morning with you dirty bastards. We are. Sorry to say Smashley is out today.

Bad tummy. Is it possible that she caught that super diarrhea? Yes, it's possible. Hope not. She'll be gone for a while. Yesterday, that's right, we read about, we learned more about the super diarrhea yesterday. So it's kind of funny how we discussed the subject.

Right when we cracked the mics yesterday at 540, Super diarrhea is slowly but surely creeping into town here. And then about two hours later, Ashley often disappeared. We knew that she went running into the ladies' bathroom. That's the last we've seen of her. Is it possible she caught super diarrhea? Yes. We wish her the best.

Hopefully, Josh, she hasn't murdered all of her boy shorts. I told her to back up pants on standby. Hopefully she hasn't killed all of her boy shorts. while dealing with this. You want to know something funny, Josh? Speaking of our overall general health, if you haven't heard, I've also been dealing with a health issue lately

the last month. I think it's been a colossal pain in my ass. I have an appointment Friday, and hopefully that's where I can get some clarification as to what's going on. But I haven't had a beer in, I'm going to say three weeks. Has that ever happened since you started drinking?

Probably, this is probably the longest I've gone without a beer since I was 13 years old. I haven't had a beer in three weeks, maybe a little more. But anyway, so this is a true story. Last night, Josh, I had a dream that I got drunk. And when I woke up, I felt hungover. Weird. It was like, really honestly, it was like a. Brain F, subconscious, kind of a, like when someone loses a leg and then a month later

they can still feel the pain? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That phantom sensation. Yes, I woke up with a dream overhang. It was very strange. I felt all the symptoms of an overhang when all I did was dream that I was drunk. So sobriety is effing with my brain.

I'm too dry. I mean, when's the last time you've even been hung over? Oh, that's been a long time. Yeah, I mean, that's been a while. Long time since I felt a real overhang. So, I mean, I'm no doctor, but I'm telling you, there's something going on. My body isn't dealing with sobriety. It's effing with my brain, with my mind.

Do you think you want to keep it up? Sobriety? Or if the doctor says you're clear to drink, are you going to go back to drinking? Well, I'm always going to want to have a couple of beers. I'm always going to want to have a couple of three Steve Weisers. it's one of the pure joys of my miserable, pointless life. That first one back is going to hit you.

You think so? Yeah. We'll see about that. You want me to drain a few and then come pick you up? Sure. How about I drive? We'll let Cubby drive. Here's a listener, how do you feel without the beer?

Well, it has improved my sleep. No question about that. No question. I'm nowadays, Josh, I'm getting into bed and fairly quickly falling asleep. That usually doesn't happen for you. Never been a skill set of mine. Never been a skill set of mine. It brings me back to, oh, this has got to be 10 years ago. So we were mid-40s.

And one of my pals, we were sitting at the bar together, and he takes a drink of his vodka, something or another, right? And he had this look on his face like he was in deep thought. and I had to ask him. Normally me and my friends don't really ever make those expressions, but this guy had this look on his face like he was really deep in thought, and I said, what's going on with you? And he said, I'm just thinking about something. I said, well, what?

And he said, we were in mid-40s when we had this conversation, and he said, it just occurred to me that I'd been getting as drunk as I possibly can every weekend since I was 15 years old. And I say, yeah, I suppose you're right. Does that cause him to make any different lifestyle decisions? Absolutely not. You want to keep the streak alive. I got a heater going.

All right, again, I hope to get some answers on Friday. But yeah, Josh, I'm always going to want to have a few beers. Are you? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not suggesting obviously you have an issue at all. I was just curious if maybe you think, hey, you know, this is pretty good. I'll keep this up. I am surprised as to how I am dealing with it.

you know, mostly in a calm, rational, reasonable way. I really thought I might be climbing the walls. Do you still go and hang out of the Legion? Every once in a while, not as often. Does that bug you if other folks are drinking? Does that make it worse? Doesn't bother me when they're drinking. It bothers me when they're drunk.

You all know that pain. Yeah, that's awful. You're the sober person. It sucks. Totally sucks. All right. Moving on. you want to get weird with me?

We could make this weird if it's cool with you guys. What I have, resting right here in my lap, the most WTF weird facts that you'll ever know. Ever know. No, no. The most WTF weird facts that you'll ever know.

I got a picture to show you here, for starters, Josh. Take a look at this real quick. If you can see it from where you're at, You should be wearing your glasses, by the way. Speaking of life changes that you make when you get a little older, you should be wearing your glasses. I wear them at home. You do?

Yeah. This first weird fact for you. It's a picture. Dana, you can't see it from here. It's a picture of a human head in a jar of some type of fluid. Would you know, Josh, from all your education, what kind of fluid you would, put in a jar in order to preserve a human head? Formaldehyde.

I was going to say formaldehyde or amber. I mean, isn't that what they preserved the mosquitoes? Oh, in Jurassic Park, yeah, for sure. What was the answer? You know, remember in Jurassic Park? Yes. You saw the documentary. Sure.

The mosquito was preserved in amber. Oh, right. Okay, amber. But I'd imagine formaldehyde. At any rate, the picture I showed, Josh, is the severed head of Portugal's very first serial killer. His name was Diogo Alves. He murdered 70 people in the 19th century.

What is it now? 20 and 26. That's a long time ago. His head was removed. I don't know if they waited for him to die first. But his head was removed and then preserved in a jar. So the first weird fact of the day, 18 and 41 I wonder if his face was looked like that

it's like very bloated or if that's just being in that fluid for a long time this optical illusion from it being in a jar for the fluid in 1841 his head was removed and put in this jar and it's been on display at the University of Lisbon ever since

weird if you end up going to Portugal and visit the museum at the University of Lisbon you can see this man's severed head and it's been in that bucket since 18 and 41. It's really freaky to look at. Yeah.

Okay. I mean, if there's a guy that deserved it, it's probably that guy. They're very first, they felt the need to keep the guy. All right. 2001. Robin Williams. Boy, how long has he been gone? 2014, maybe?

Yeah, and today would have been his birthday, I believe. F me. Are you serious? Look it up. odd. Yeah, today would have been his birthday. Gotta be kidding me. When did he die?

2014. Feels like longer ago than that. It does, actually. Your next weird fact, WTF fact, when Robin Williams appeared on a television show called Inside the Actors Studio in 2001,

an audience member laughed so hard at Robin Williams that he developed a hernia and had to be taken away in an ambulance. That's got to be You should feel some pride as a comedian if you could do that. Injure somebody because they're laughing. I wonder if Robin knew that.

Well, he was a hilarious guy. Lapped so hard, someone herniated themselves. I mean, if there's a guy that could do it, it was Robin Williams. Absolutely. Then we move up to the year 2000-a-2. NASA. Oh, wow. An intern at NASA.

Boy, you know, we used to have interns around here, and most of them were just stoned college kids. I wonder where you have to be in life to be an intern at NASA. Like a Princeton student or something? Pretty bright, I'd imagine. Not just some kid who also paints houses on the side, you know what I mean? Yeah, I don't think anybody here that interned, including myself, would ever be someone NASA would be interested in. I'll be dipped.

Kind of missed those days. That was fun. Oh, having to stone college kid interns everywhere? I mean, they created a lot of laughs. in 2002, a NASA intern stole a bunch of moon rocks out of a safe, sprinkled them on a hotel bed,

and had sex with his girlfriend on top of them. That's pretty nasty. We worry about getting some type of disease or something. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah. In the movies, those moon rocks, you'll turn green and die a slow death.

In 1961, our next WTF fact 1961 during an expedition to the Antarctic a Russian doctor named Leonid Rogozov Ragozov Leonid Ragozov

he got very ill with acute appendicitis where the hell up there in the middle of nowhere's in the Antarctic he needed emergency surgery as fast as possible but that's not going to happen when you're in the middle of nowhere's there

but he was a doctor and he went ahead by himself and cut out his own appendix. Here's a picture of the guy doing it. That's amazing. Cut out his own appendix in the middle of the aunt F me running sideways Arctic. Okay, how about this guy? Well, you can relate to that Russian doctor who gave himself an appendectomy. You used to remove your own warts.

I had a mole. Oh, a mole. Yeah, I removed a mole once. It's pretty much the same thing. And I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I had no medical training whatsoever. What did you use again, an exacto knife? It was just a razor. Oh, yeah.

Stole it from your dad's bathroom or something, right? No, I was an adult when this happened. And it was very, very, very bloody. Oh, I bet. Oh, yeah. I just didn't want to pay for it because I went and they tried to freeze it off. Nothing happened. It didn't work.

So they had mentioned, you know, we could freeze it or cut it off. I'm like, well, whatever's cheaper. And it just didn't end up working. so I thought, I'll just cut this thing off. On the topic of interns, Wiscoe maple syrup Jesus texted, and his question is, didn't Ashley start as an intern?

I think that's... Yeah, she was our last intern. She was our final intern. It's weird to think. Yeah. Because I was trying to think, well, when's the last thing we had one? It was Ashley.

They stopped. She created her own job, basically. For whatever reason, the company stopped with the intern gimmick. I don't remember why. I think it's a lack of interest. Oh. Well, that would make sense. Did you guys pay your intern?

No. I don't remember. I really don't know. Well, you know what? Maybe that changed at one point. But I know when I started it wasn't paid. Because the station I worked at, we had to stop having interns because some law got passed that they had to be paid now. And we didn't have the money to be paying a bunch of interns. Then that's maybe what happened to. Here's a text from your friendly, friendly is how you say it. A text from your friendly neighborhood garbage man.

Back to the Russian doctor who was in the middle of the Antarctic. doing something. And he needed an emergency appendectomy. He needed to have his damn appendix out. And we're talking right now. Well, the guy was a doctor, as I said, he opened himself up. I don't even know what he used. Maybe he had a doctor's kit with him.

Maybe he used somebody's buck knife or something. But the doctor opened himself up in the middle of nowhere's there and removed his own appendix. And I showed a picture to Josh. Your friendly neighborhood garbage man has a question. Who took the picture? They could have helped us some bitch out. I was wondering that myself.

He was the only doctor. You know what I mean? What could they do? I don't think I'd want an amateur reaching into my guts. They just hand stuff to them. I suppose. That was like my job when my dad was fixing something. Oh, you would hand them the tools?

Yeah, I'd be like the assistant. Speaking of something along those lines. Again, another WTF fact. You won't believe it. According to the article, you won't believe this stuff. While we're on the topic of pain, maybe you knew this already. I think most folks knew this already. When you say the F word when you're in pain, it can boost your pain tolerance by 33%.

Yeah, yeah, I've heard that before. I mean, I can tell you what, if my wife stubs a toe or something, she says words I've never heard in combinations, just some pretty foul stuff. I was told I have a high pain tolerance when I was a 14-year-old kid when I had my lung surgery. I was told, maybe just trying to make me feel better as I was lying in bed covered in blood. but they told me that I took it better than most when they operated on my lung bag. I'm still going with it, Josh. I'll still claim that I'm a tough guy.

I hold on to stuff like that. Doctors told me that. They were doctors. Yeah, I've told you before. I had a doctor that told me, hey, you're better to have too much salt than too little salt. Then I've gone with that when I get crap for how much salt I use. All right, another picture here for you, Josh. You've got to see our next WTF.

fact. Now this story is a few years old on this particular guy. The picture was taken a few years ago. This is a man in India, and I don't know why. He held up his right arm one day and decided to never put it down. When this picture was taken, it had been 45 years. Can you imagine? Yes, go ahead, you in the back? No, no, no, no. It was just my thing. Oh, yeah. This guy would be a pain in the ass at auctions. Yeah. Look at this guy.

Have you ever seen a human? He's got a long arm. Have you ever seen a human being so thin? No, that's scary thin. He's a bag of bones. So let's say he's still living. He's older than the hills. Let's say he's still living.

And he still has his arm in the air. It would be a smooth 50 years now. I don't. I can't imagine the shoulder pain. He's. had his arm in the air for 50 years. I wish I knew why. You had it where he like changed out a light bulb and I'm like, oh, God, my freaking shoulder

from holding it up there too long. I feel so stupid. I'm such a wimp. Whenever I meet someone who was in the sheet rock business. I have no idea how they do that. That looks miserable. I would. I wouldn't last two minutes.

No, not at all. Here's your next WTF fact. Mosquitoes. They don't bother me anymore, just for the record. I can go outside, ass naked. Mosquitoes don't come anywhere near me. I don't know why. It wasn't always that way.

Is that a blood type? I've heard before or what? The last few years, they don't even bother me. Why do you? All right. Being Minnesotans tortured, a lot of us are tortured by mosquitoes every summer. Maybe you knew this already, but the next fact goes like this. not only do mosquitoes bite you and suck your blood,

but they also urinate on you before they fly away. That's not nice. No. Yeah, but like a lot of things, some people pay extra for that. That is true. King Edward the 7th, I believe. And I'm no good with Roman numerals. Every Super Bowl Sunday I get terribly confused.

But King Edward V1-1, Josh? Is that 7th? 7th. Okay. This guy, what a pioneer. Way, way, way back in the early days. He pretty much was the innovator of the sex swing. Seen one in person.

Another picture you've got to see. You've seen a sex swing in person? Seen one in person, yeah. Where was this at? I told you I had a girlfriend who won one at a company party. Obviously it would be a lot different nowadays, but it was a big corporate event and she won it. It was in her trunk, literally, her car's trunk. You didn't see it hanging on the wall?

No, we never hung it up or anything, but she just kind of had it in there. Oh, she was your girlfriend at the time? Yeah. you're looking at me with great disappointment. I never even heard of it until she said this is a sex. You had a girlfriend with a sex swing and the two of you never rode on the damn thing? Never once. Why?

I don't know. Because you're the straightest lace some bitch in the county? Possibly. And she lived in an apartment. Didn't think she could hang it up. Was this one of those gals that you dated who was even straighter than you? No. No.

It wasn't. It wasn't that one that was just, I mean. No, no. It's funny. I think I was talking to Dana about her the other day. No, no, this is a different one. So neither one of you immediately thought we got a swing from this pig. Uh-uh.

What the hell's the matter with you? Not so sure. I didn't fully even understand it. I had to ask, like, what's the point of this thing? So she had to clue me in on what it was. I'm with you, Josh. I had a girlfriend who won one at one of those sex toy parties, you know, they used to have back in the day. Sure.

And was yours kind of like one that hangs in the doorway, Josh? Yeah, it was suspended from somewhere. Yeah. We never, she just kind of pulled it out of the bag it came in and, you know, we never did anything. We tried it once, we got it hooked up and we're like, this is just stupid. This is like more work. Like, I'm out of breath. I'm like, this is dumb.

You frigging guys were doing it all wrong. So King Edward the 7th made a custom love chair way back in the early 20th century. The pictures are interesting. He developed this so he could have sex with two women simultaneously. Who would have thought that? this guy was so ahead of his time. It looks very, Josh, I'll let you see the picture of how it would look while the king is folding. Ah, the king's hump swing.

Yeah, this almost looks like a mechanical bull. Yeah, sort of. I mean, this is early 20th century, so he was, you know, limited materials, I think, were available. He did his best. Where does the second gal go? Oh, I don't know exactly. I haven't perfected it myself. I haven't quite perfected the idea yet.

Actually, you know what it kind of looks like? It looks like he's on an elliptical machine a little bit, doesn't it? It's got handholds. Yeah. Very unique, especially when you consider the time. Clever guy. I could see why he was elected king or however they did it. One more WTF fact for you.

And this is kind of interesting. This wasn't planned out at all. I mentioned, as we started this conversation is how you say it, I mentioned when we started this conversation that I had a dream last night. I haven't had a beer in three weeks or so because of a medical condition that I'm trying to sort out. And I mentioned that I had a dream last night that I got drunk. And when I woke up this morning, I felt hung over. So some kind of a brain-f subconscious kind of a thing happened, right?

I didn't mean for this to come full circle, but it says here in 2000 aught 1, actor Mark Ruffalo. Oh, you love Ruffalo. I love him. He's great. I know who he is. I really liked him in that movie about the Zodiac Killer. Other than that, I can't picture him. Ending was stupid.

What about a resolution to that, huh? Stupid writers. Love that Zodiac movie. I can't. picture him in any other role, which is fine. Mark Ruffalo, in 2001, he had a very realistic dream that he had a brain tumor. He had no previous signs. He went to a doctor to discuss this. The doctor ordered a scan on the man's Scaldini and discovered that Mark Ruffalo did indeed have a brain tumor, which was subsequently removed.

That's weird when you hear stuff like that. People are that percent. gives you kind of a chill up your those are your WTF facts for the day here's the deal we out five minutes from now we're out Josh like a scout on a new route

but before we go got our listening audience knows everything they remember everything truly at times Josh I'm humbled it is humble humbled very sweet by our listening audience

so we just had this conversation And we were all over the place. We were discussing some really, really weird facts. The article called them WTF facts that you won't believe. We covered a little bit of everything. Some texts have come in. And I'm just impressed by how many of our listeners knew a thing or two about some of these bizarre facts we were discussing.

Now, number one was a man in India. Whoa, who did this? What did he do now? 50 years ago, he raised his right arm straight up in the same. the year. And he left it there for 50 years. I didn't have anything in front of me on why. Some of our listeners know the whole story.

This poor guy, according to a couple of our listeners, well, one of them guessed that he raised his arm up in the air originally because his favorite DJ told him to wave it like he just don't. Dude, he put his arm up in the air and kept it there for a favorite DJ. 50 years. Now, Lister's texted in, Josh, and said after a certain period of time, he was unable to lower his arm. Oh, you kind of wonder. Yeah, it makes sense. They say it atrophied because of no blood flow, and he couldn't lower it after a while. It stuck that way. It's now useless. Is he still alive? Do you people know, is he still alive? This guy, because he looked older in the

hills in the picture that I saw. I don't know how just his physique looked like the guy was ready to pass away. He was so thin. But they're saying, yeah, he raised it up there. And then some bitch could never bring it down. Eventually, he wanted to bring it down. He couldn't do it. I bet there's a lot of situations where that was embarrassing.

Very uncomfortable. That guy's got some extremist views over there. Son of a bitch. You were saying he had a dream. Was this last night? Last night. Last night that you got drunk and you woke up today feeling hungover. Even though I haven't had a beer in three weeks.

Rat Rod Jesus had a dream last night too. He had a dream that he ate a marshmallow and this morning he woke up and his pillow was gone. You see, he ate this big marshmallow. Oh, Jesus, balls. And he woke up. I honestly, I was searching for some type of a sexual joke. Oh, no.

I apologize. That's very funny. Sorry, I didn't get it right away. It's very funny. Okay. Another one of the weird facts that we read was that when I'm a Bistquito bites you, not only does it suck your blood, but it urinates on you. I don't know how many of us were aware of that and how many were not.

One listener texted in to say, that's why it isches. It's the mosquito urine that causes you to itch. That's according to one. I hadn't heard that before. Now back to the sleepwalking, or not sleepwalking, but the dream I had where I dreamt, I got drunk. Oh, by the way, someone texted in and says, the Indian man with his arm in the air for 50 years. He's still alive.

They know for sure that he's still alive. Okay. So back to my drinking dream where I dreamt I got drunk, woke up feeling a hangover. A few listeners texted in and said, this is a real thing. It's called a using dream. This listener has been a,

narcotics anonymous member for five years. Using like you spell using like I'm using your lawnmower? Is that how you spell it? Yes, using dream. It's called a using dream. So this dude has been off dope for five years. Congratulations, by the way. Five years.

He said he has dreams where he's using the drugs that he used to abuse. and he would wake up feeling high. He said this is a common thing. It's insane when you think about it. But yes, we call them using dreams. That's poops in the back of a garbage truck, Jesus. Yeah, okay. It's a thing when people are getting off drugs and alcohol.

That's effing fascinating. That's weird. You had a medically related dream last year. I had a using dream because I've stopped drinking beer for the first time since I was 13 years old. That is so fascinating. Wow. And again, it's why I am humbled.

We all are at times conversing back and forth on the text machine with our listening. I had a damn. Then there are other folks, Josh, who texted in, speaking of dreams, grass janitor Jesus. He said he still has dreams where he wakes up, freaking out. He has a dream that he's going to be tested for weed at work. And he wakes up freaking out thinking it's a real thing. Or he says he still has homework and test nightmares,

even though I've been out of school for 25 years, he said. Oh, yeah, I get those sometimes. Yeah, I regularly have nightmares about college where all of a sudden the semester's over. I haven't gone to a class in months. And then you wake up going, oh, my God, I have to take it. And then you realize that was 20 years ago. Right, yeah. I did graduate about 20 years ago.

F me. I just love this stuff. I never in a million years would have thought of any of this. Before we go, before we go, what's this say? Oh, speaking of WTF facts, facts you wouldn't believe. This is great. Left-handed specialist Jesus says, I still can't get over this fact.

Dolly Parton wrote Jolene and I will always love you on the same day. Is that true? Apparently. Oh, wow. He's a Dolly Parton fan. That is nuts. That's a productive day right there. No kidding.

I don't think I'm going to be that productive this afternoon. I don't remember this, and we got to go. I don't remember this, but we did also have a conversation. Oh, there was a WTF fact about a NASA intern. A NASA intern stole some moon rocks from NASA and then took him to a hotel room, sprinkled them all over the bed, and banged his girlfriend on top of him. So we got to talking about interns. I don't recall this, but one of our listeners said,

says, one of my favorite intern moments from your show, because we used to have interns quite... A handful of them at a time, even. We had piles of interns coming in and out of here for years. Phone screeners, all kinds of stuff. All that crap. One of our listeners says, one of my favorite intern moments from your show

is one of your interns was reading the traffic and included a note about O'Clair, Wisconsin. You know they were learning. I don't remember that. Water Street's a little backed up right now. So they did a little, you know, here's what's happening in Spring Lake Park. Here's what's happening in Bloomington, Edina, Andover. Oh, and traffic is slow, like you said, on Water Street in O'Clair, Wisconsin.

Appreciate that. God, I wish I remembered that. That's brilliant. That's good stuff. We got to pull it. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good.

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