93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Motel 69

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

Originally Aired  September 9, 2026: Pee mountain. Killer Dick. Everything you've ever wanted to know about the orgy dome.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to brass tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheating.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-assed morning show. Ninety-three. Yeah. Yeah, we got it done. We made her into the building for day two of this year. Four-day work week, and we can feel the good vibes coming from all over town. Thanks for finding us here on the 93-X-half-ass morning show.

Josh, how you feeling over there, handsome? Well, thank you, first and form. almost, but good. How about yourself? I'm doing all right. I hope you don't mind me asking you something because I'm ready to get on your case right from the get-go. Oh, good. What a change this has taken.

Yeah, wow. If you don't mind me asking, how is your son, more importantly, of course, my godson, how is he enjoying the ninth grade so far just a couple of days into this pig? So far, so good. They got an early start. Has he made any kids? comments? Not so much. About the ninth grade? He said this year he's going to lock in and get

better grades, so that's good. Although he already has two late assignments. But you know, you know how it goes. It's better than 24 late assignments. That's his record, by the way. Oh, is it really? 24. That's impressive. You've got to actually work hard to be that bad. Well, Dana. Wait a minute now. Late is better than nothing. Wouldn't you agree with that? Have you Like not turning it in at all? Right. Okay. Yeah.

Have you set your, uh, your, uh, your expect? Keep in mind. Have you had to lower your expectations to that point yet where you tell yourself, late is better than nothing. Well, late doesn't mean it'll ever get turned in. It just means, hey, this was due at this time. You got to turn it in. So it doesn't necessarily mean it's meaning we have indicators that things are late.

So it's different than it'll get done. But sometimes they just don't count it for credit. But this is the thing Dana was going to mention. It almost disappoints me more. Sometimes he'll do the assignment and not take the picture to upload it to whatever app they have to. So the assignment's been done, the work's been done. He just doesn't take the time that those two and a half seconds. Just too lazy to do that final step?

So he'll lose half points or something or just won't get any credit for it. That sucks. All right. But so far, so good. He hasn't really complained. As my dad used to say, he's off like a herd of turtles. Yeah. He's up and running with the ninth grade.

being a parent of a student, you might have had this conversation once or twice with other unhappy married couples with children that are enrolled in public schools. What do you make of the idea of school being in year-round skis? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, when I was in school, it seems like they've been talking about this forever, right?

Even when I was in school, I remember people saying California, they've got it year round. You know, different places have it year round. And I thought, that sounds miserable. But I think he could use the structure. Luckily, sports kind of helps with that in the summer. But I think, you know, he definitely has that fall off, right, where all of a sudden his brain stops working.

And it's barely working to begin with. So I don't know if it's a terrible idea. I wonder how teachers feel about it. Maybe they'd be miserable if that was the case. Well, according to what I was just reading a minute ago, you mentioned the teachers they could benefit from this

well I'll get there let me just tell you the whole friggin story some J. Brone you know how it works these days they jumped on the godless internet and started this conversation about

year-round school should become the new normal so this individual posted the idea of having summer months off from school dates back to when kids needed time off to help with agricultural work, which hasn't been the case for many years now. This individual says, well, it's still the case for some kids. It's not just zero children are relied on in the summer now to help out with agricultural. There are still plenty of those kids out there. But I understand where

the guy's going with the whole opening to his argument. I was just reading some posts on social media about there was like dads that were talking about their sons going back to school and they're like, just lost my best two farmhands. There you go. I hate this stupid thing. There you go. If the school year continued through those summer months instead, it would be beneficial to pretty much everyone. And they begin with the teachers.

they say that teachers would get paid more since they would work full time. Now, I wonder if that's the case simply because, and people have been texting in this too. I've heard you also have a ton of time off where all of a sudden every couple months you got like two weeks off or three weeks off. It's kind of spread out like that. That was one of the ideas this individual threw into the mix. I mean, that's already happening. What's already happening? That's already happening in states that have.

And maybe it's just California. I've heard it's a couple states. So there are states somewhere in our proud union who have school all year round. Supposedly California has been doing it since we were growing up. Oh, yeah? All right, let's see here. So they say the teachers would get paid more. Now, don't take my word or this individual's word for it.

I don't know that to be true, but that's one of the statements this crackpot makes on social media. Parents wouldn't have to worry about child care during the summer. I bet that's a big one for sure I think that's parents would get behind Luckily my wife was able to stay home You know when they were too young to be on their own But I think that'd be huge for parents I mean think about how much daycare costs

My friends have told me or mentioned in passing How much their daycare bill is I just kind of shrivel up and die inside I can't even imagine Kids that come from a poorer background Would have uninterrupted access to food without such a long break over the summer. And finally, these are the benefits,

according to this character, who posted this idea on social media. And it doesn't sound like a wildly original idea. Josh said he's been hearing stories about this for years. Finally, as far as the benefits go, he says here, there's a chance that some of the children might actually learn something. Yeah, keep them a little sharper. I just, and you know, I don't like kids.

ungrateful bastards don't like them never have but i can't imagine taking that summer vacation away from kids because if that would have been taken away from me i would have burned something to the ground yeah i would have lost my mind burned something to the ground well like i was saying i didn't like this idea when we were in school right people were saying oh it's coming for a lot of these same reasons i mean dana you're you're married to a teacher nick and i are both having an affair with a teacher. Second grade? Yeah, same deal here. Has she ever talked about that? I just asked her. I said, as a teacher, how do you feel about a year-round school? And she said, one million percent support. And I asked her for some

elaboration, so we'll see what she has to say, but she's down with it, for sure. So this article, this letter or whatever you want to call it, posted to the internet, let's see where the guy goes next. He says, the only people I can see opposing this are the kids themselves. But most of them don't want to go to school at all anyway. He's not advocating for no breaks from school at all. Here's what Josh was just saying, I think a minute ago. There could be a week off around major holidays with two weeks for Christmas New Year's, maybe a couple weeks in the summer. You got your Independence Day. You got your this, that. But they don't need, according to this man's opinion, they don't need three months off from school.

Well, here's somebody that said they went to an all-year-round school in the 90s. They were in an elementary school, and it was great. You got your long two to three breaks during the school year. You still had almost like three weeks off at the end of summer before school started again. So you have more kind of big chunks. And it kind of does seem now that there's more days off, excuse me, than there ever were when we grew up. Maybe it's just, that's an old person saying that and we had it. Could be.

Yeah, I don't know the system anymore, but every once in a while, I hear a story about the kids don't have to go to school. These are my friends' children. The kids don't have to school the day. I'll get there. The kids don't have to go to school today. It's an online day or it's a, I mean, some schools are so big that the beginnings of the school year are staggered.

Day one is for the 10th graders, day two is. That's incredible to me, but I mean, I come from a high school that has, quadrupled in size since I left there 38 years ago, whatever it was. Things are so different that I really have zero idea what's going on right now. Here's a listener who texted in to say a lot of schools around this country don't have air conditioning. Yeah, I remember that. Classes get canceled in the spring and the fall due to the heat. So they're questioning whether or not, I mean.

That was the worst. The library had AC. The library had AC. in my school and so did like the teacher's office and nowhere else. Yeah, we didn't have easy. Just in the library? Oh, so, so hot. Yeah, I remember it being awful warm.

So this individual who texted it in is questioning, can the teachers and kids gut it out in July and August? Oh, man. You're just wearing your swimsuit. That needs to get fixed. Just stale dead air. This wasn't on the list here that we were reading from, but people are saying, what about taxes?

How much will they go up? Yeah, good question. See, I don't follow that game. So there you go. The debate has been. I remember being jealous of my friend that had year-round school because I was jealous of the cool breaks that she got throughout the year. But I went without thinking like, oh, we get three months for summer.

What was her situation that she was? I never heard about this once growing up. She must have been in like a private school situation. And yeah, I just remember it was like the middle of the school year and she just randomly had this chunk of weeks off. And I thought, oh, that's pretty neat. I want to do that. When would school construction projects happen?

St. Paul, Lino Jesus wants to know. And I know he recently was at my St. Paul, Lionel, Jesus. You guys know the guy, Brandon. He shows up at a lot of our events. You guys know who I'm talking about. Fair enough. He just recently did some work at my alma mater, Wazeta. So he says, when the hell are we going to get any work done if school is all year round?

I don't know. That's your problem, St. Paul, Lino, Jesus. See you at, what do we call that casino? In Turtle Lake? Turtle Lake. Yeah, so there you go. I would have gone nuts. Although I did have summer school, but that didn't last very.

That's different. That didn't last very long. Of course, it's very different because it's only like three weeks. Also, it was like kind of fun. But it was sitting in a classroom. It was sitting in a classroom with no air conditioning at the end of June. So I had, there was some significance to it. Yeah, it's a tough question.

You went to summer school too, huh? Yeah. But it was cool. I mean, you went from like 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. every day. So then after that, you were already with all your friends. So then you could just go mess around somewhere. I didn't think of it as lightheartedly as you did. I was pretty pissed off to be there.

Yes, it wasn't terribly hard work, and yeah, it was only a few hours a day. And this is a long time ago. I remember it maybe being a month, maybe. It didn't. But it was still summer school. And I would still look out the window and watch kids having fun while I'm sitting there like a friggin' numskull. Yeah, there was definitely a touch of that. When you look outside and it's beautiful, you're trapped in school.

summers. Summers were a great time to make a ton of money, you know, because I'd work constantly in the summers between a couple different jobs. So that's when I made all my money. During the school years, it's a lot more difficult. That's where you made your car stereo money. Oh, yeah, definitely. So there you go. Day one, as soon as summer started, I'd pick up as many shifts as I possibly could. I didn't really know this was a thing. I had barely heard word one about year-round school. Here's someone texting in saying in Arizona. That's how they do it. Somebody else said Missouri.

Somebody said here. There's a couple schools that do it. I'd never heard that they do it here. F me running. Dinky dude trucker but Jesus says I have five kids in four different schools. I need that break. Some parents aren't doing cartwheels over the thought. It'll probably never.

I don't know. You never say never, but it seems like we hear about all these ideas. Getting rid of daylight savings. times all year-round school. What else do we hear about now? It used to be marijuana, legalizing marijuana. You got your marijuana laws. A lot of this stuff takes forever to turn over and completely change.

So we'll probably all be dead by the time. Yeah, there's so many good arguments on both sides coming in. You know, like another one. Let kids be kids during the summer. I mean, that's how I felt obviously when I was a kid. You got to give them. I agree. They should have time just to get out of the house, run around, make new friends and stuff.

Absolutely. Have some effing laughs. You've got to be able to raise some hell in this summer. But there's other people saying, hey, you know, when they grow up, they got to go to work every day. It doesn't, they don't get summers off. No, of course not. Or you could be a teacher at them. Yeah, exactly. Their life is going to suck eventually.

Just let them be happy now. The life is going to suck eventually. Yeah. Embrace the suck at an early age, you're saying? No, man, that's not fair. I hear you. Now that summer is closing out and not as many folks are traveling. and Buckwild all over the damn place on vacation and whatnot.

Hotels. By the way, that's the way you have to pronounce it. It's not a hotel. Pardon me. It's not a hotel or a motel. It's a hotel. That's how my dad always said it. Going to Kansas City.

Staying in a motel. There's an emphasis on that first syllable. Hotels have had the time now. with less people rolling into their buildings. They've had the time to gather up all the garbage that people left behind, items that people forgot in the hotel rooms, and they've sent us a definitive list. By the way, you ever left anything valuable in a hotel room

when you were on vacation or maybe just banging a rando in I-Tasca County or something like that? I have not. No? Not super valuable, but there's a pair of shorts that I really loved that. I only got to wear once. I went on a trip and they disappeared and I think about them all the time. Outside of work stuff, I don't have very many hotel experiences. Probably under five, I'd imagine.

Haven't spent a lot of time there, huh? A couple summers ago, we stayed up at Arrowwood and I got a phone call a couple days afterwards and they said, hey, you know, we were cleaning your room. We noticed a pair of jean shorts, so a pair of jorts and a belt that had left behind. What is your mailing address? We can mail them to you. I'm like, let's just save everybody the hassle. old pair of jean shorts.

You don't need to take the time to get the U.S. Postal Service involved here. Well, at least you cop to owning them. Yeah. Because I had somebody who was nice enough to break into my vehicle. Well, many times it's happened, but they stole it. I was, for my birthday, many, many years ago, some coworkers here got together and they got me an iPod.

And so you could buy skins for them, right? So I bought this, like, dragon skin that I put on there all these cool dragons on it and stuff. I remember you telling us about your dragon skin phone cover thing. You were apprehensive to bring that up at first. Oh, yeah, because I knew it was nerdy. Now you're quite loosey-goosey about your dragon skin phone cover. Oh, I'm a different man.

And then Game of Thrones has since come out since then. So dragons are more accepted in society. Sure. But the cops were like, all right, this iPod, was there anything distinguishing about it? Was your name engraving? I'm like, nah, no, it's just your standard iPod. I can't think of one thing that would stand there. I was too embarrassed to tell the cops.

You dork. Wait, now I'm a dork. Yeah. Just tell them. Now you're not getting your iPod back. There's no way. Worth saving the embarrassment. What is your, which is your favorite pop culture dragon?

And you can get back to us on that because I'm sure you got a lot of thinking to do. Boy, pop culture. Well, puff the magic dragon. He's a big one. Yeah. Dude, the dragons from dragon tales? I'm too old for that, I think. Oh, really? I wasn't sure. I'm not sure how long that's been around.

What about Ricky the Dragon Steamboat? Oh, that's a good dragon right there. Get back to us, Josh. I want a definitive answer on your favorite pop culture dragon. Steel Dragon, you could throw that in there. Steel Dragon. Wasn't that the band from that movie? Mark Wahlberg? Yeah. Okay. Hotel staff members have, like I said, they've gathered up all of our garbage that we left behind

and now they've provided us a definitive list of the most common things that people walked out on, forgot in their hotel rooms, phone chargers. Worst. Because they say here they're often plugged up. That's not the word plugged in behind the nightstands and desks and you don't look back there because you're hungover and you pack up your gear and you kick the kids in the ass.

Get in the car for Christ's day. You forget that you plugged in your clothing and swimsuits. Ah, you probably leave the swimsuits in the bathtub. Oh, yeah, we just, my daughter just lost one when we went to San Diego. Oh, yeah? They mailed it back. Did they?

Nice. I didn't know they did something like that. I think it costs more than whatever the swimsuit probably cost. That's kind of my feeling my jean shorts were. Toilet trees, you forget your toothbrush or your eyebrow wax or whatever the hell you jewelry. I bet some people panic when they lose their wedding ring or the necklace at their dead great-grandmother. You know what I mean?

I bet there's some panic attacks with some of this stuff. Absolutely. Cash, passports, wallet. How the hell do you get back on an airplane if you don't have your... What they say, a lot of jewelry, wallets, cash, and passports are left behind. Oh, God. Dentures. Oh.

That's awesome. My Grammy used to leave those all over the place. People leaving their falsies in a glass next to the dentures. And, of course, take a wild guess what I'm saving for last. Sex toys. Big two-story tall dildos and butt plugs and sea rings and nipple clamps. And they're often wrapped up in the bedding. Oh.

Because you tear you and your partner and the other couple. You tear each other to pieces, right, in the hotel bed. You're firing sex toys back and forth. Now you wear it. Now let me wear it, you know. Yeah, buddy of mine's vacation was ruined when he forgot the sex toy. Gets wrapped up in the bedding. And again, you're hung over.

You're not thinking. What happened with your? He was in charge of bringing it. And he forgot to pack it, and it just ruined the vacation. His wife needed that. She needs it to get things going, and he screwed up. They couldn't run into town or anything. Anything? I don't know. I should have asked him. Does Amazon deliver there? They sure do.

Yeah, you're just getting an Uber and you say to the driver, working a guy buy a decent clit stimulizer in this town, you know. He opens up the trunk to the taxi. Pick one. They forget their sex toys wrapped up in the sheets and then the hotel staff just puts it in the they probably have some kind of a trophy case in the basement of the hotel where they keep all these disgusting. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, they got some place they store them. They got to make a game out of this.

I mean, if I were running that hotel, I would make it part of the, you know, part of the fun for employees to, you know, whoever finds the longest or the, you know, largest, if you find one made out of ice or wool or something, you know, something unique. When I worked at the car rental shop at the airport, it was not uncommon for there to be sex. he's left behind in the trunk or the car. Yeah. Our theory was people bought him on vacation, didn't want to risk bringing him on the plane in case, you know, TSA goes through them and see, oh, wow, what's this?

Look at this one. You know, that type of thing. Sure. I don't, I don't understand why you can't just throw it out the window on $694, but, I mean, sure. Like Ashley used to do with her panties. Put them in the trunk, you forget all about them. You could use them for, like, white elephant games. You know, that's what the hotel folks could do.

Every Christmas. I bet they make a game out of it. Oh, that'd be fun. Fun for the whole family. All right. Before we move on, you have to give us a definitive answer on your favorite ever pop culture dragon. Well, I was going back to the ones from when I was a kid, and there was a couple that come to mind. But I'll go with Pete's Dragon.

Okay. I like those books. I remember the name. Can you explain that to folks who like myself are a little in the dark? Well, it was just like it. Well, the books, I think, were published in the 70s. Pete's dragon. Yeah.

Dude, I know this dragon. I think they might have made like a couple movies. I didn't see the movies. I just remember the books. Pete was just your average kid and he had a pet dragon? Right. Okay. The dragon has purple hair.

I'm not buying that, but... Well, yeah, dragons used to have purple hair. Mm-hmm. They've known. And also, is it Falcour from the Never-ending Story? Oh, I loved that movie when I was a kid. Who was the story? of the never-ending story.

I couldn't even tell you if there's anybody big in that. What was that goofy one where Tom... It's so creepy. Oh, legend. I'm sorry? Was it legend? Yeah, I was going to ask. There was some goofy fantasy movie Tom Cruise stumbled into in the mid-80s

where he had this long emo haircut way before emo was emo. That was called Legend? Yep. All right. I liked that movie. The Hobbit. Smog? Smog?

What was the one from The Hobbit? Oh, I stayed well away from that. Oh, you did? You didn't like that kind of stuff? No, not my thing. Okay, let me ask you something, because I'm new to this conversation, pop culture dragons.

That's why I wanted to ask Josh. I knew we would learn something about, which movie was I watching where there was a talking dragon, and I swear to Christ, the dragon had the exact same speaking voice as Sean Connery. That sounds for me. Swear to God.

This dragon did an incredible imitation of Sean Connery. The Dragon Heart. Dragon Heart? That was one of Chris Jericho's nicknames, I think, in his career. I think the Lionheart? Oh, yeah, Lionheart. Lionheart. Okay.

Dragon Heart. That looks like such an awesome movie, dude. You got to hear this dragon's imitation of Sean Connery. It's freaking spot on. You know what's really? weird. Go ahead. It is Sean Connery. That's who does the voice. That's why it's so good.

Dennis Quaid's in that one. Oh, then I got to see it. Who else? Those are the only names I've recognized. Sean Connery does the voice. He looks ridiculous, data. That's about you feel silly. Oh. All right, here we go. It is

the Wednesday show. Almost said Tuesday. I forgot that you know, we had Monday to ourselves. It's the Wednesday show we'll sprinkle in a little bit of this and a little bit of that. The stupid news will be our first real serious tasks.

That's when we focus and we get serious. The stupid news will be coming up here in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up.

Getting your furnace tuned up before the cold weather hits is just a. smart. Right now you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is

1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for

people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode W-W-C-FB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as not

withdrawalable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. We sure did. We found ourselves in a conversation about dragons. And yes, we know your dragon D's nuts across somebody's chin. We get the joke. I still appreciate those coming in. We got to talking about dragons.

Cubby like dragons. He does. I'm not dialed into that scene. Never really thought too much about dragons. When they show up in movies and whatnot, I usually change the channel. It's just silly. You got into Game of Thrones a little bit, didn't you?

A little bit. but it was was it one season or two seasons i don't know if you made it past one season i can't remember a little bit a little bit uh yeah it wasn't a terribly long stretch of time well see josh yeah i liked game of thrones i think i watched the entire first season it was the dragons that got me to go the other way the nudity and violence dragged i shouldn't have said dragged the nudity and violence brought me there it was the dragons and those walking ghosts whatever that the nudity and violence That's what got me to go the other way. When it's too ridiculous, I can't.

But here's where I'm going with this. I will tell you this. I did watch a dragon-related movie once that I really liked. And after we had our conversation earlier, I got to thinking about it. It's from 20-some years ago starring that whackbag. The hell's his first name. Bale. Christian Bail?

Chrissy Bale. It's called Rain of Fire. I enjoyed that one. By God. I did. Just in case you're a dragon fan and you haven't caught that one yet. A few people texted in and said that's a very good one. And I know what some of the rest of you are saying.

I know what some of the rest of you are saying. You're saying isn't Rain of Fire also an excellent hard rock song that Armored Saint came up with many years ago? Yes, it is. John Bush, Cubby. I love John Bush. He had a good voice. Oh, yeah.

Back in those days with Armored Saint. He's a soundtrack maker, that John Bush. Is he? Yeah. He's sung a lot of soundtrack. Let me see if I can find all of his. Really? I had no idea.

He's making his money with movie songs. Yeah, he was an armored saint, and then he signed up to be one of the 174 different singers in the history of anthrax, John Bush. Oh, yeah. And back to all those silly sword-fighting fantasy movies. Like I said, they lose me quite quickly, most of them, because they're just too outrageous. But what was the one, Josh, that you and I really liked, starring Antonio Banderas, where they fight the evil bear people? Oh, yeah. So I think it was bare people.

Eaters of the Dead was the Book. Eaters of the Dead? That's not the name. Let's see. Well, no, no, but that was the name of the book? Yeah. That's an intimidating title. From Michael Crichton.

Eaters of the Dead. Let's see. What was it called? But the movie was called... The 13th Warrior. Thirteenth Warrior. I like that one. So there you go.

Sad ending, though, in the 13th Warrior. I won't ruin it in case you want to try it, but I didn't like the ending. You're a different guy. I like the change. He used to love spoiling movies. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Yeah.

If this was a hot new movie, I'd be spoiling it right now just to piss people off. But this movie's 25 years old, and I figure, why waste the energy? No one's going to care anyway. Okay, the big blonde muscular king, he dies terribly in the end. Now he's back. Right. Now he's back. All right, here we go with today's report.

Say a prayer. We had one go down in a terrible way. we got a man down and he stayed down. A dude he upped and died when he was recovering

from a stinking penis enlargement operation. Yeah, it'd be cool to die with a giant penis. That's a dream of mine. But he never really got to use it, dude. That's the thing.

But even worse than that, everybody knows you died because you used to have a small penis. I'm sure request an open casket funeral with his donga just to show it off. Or I want the casket just to have a bulge so people know, boy, that must have been big. You need to have the casket open or else there ain't the headroom for that pig. We can't physically shut it. Like they used to say about Milton Burrell, he needed to the old, some of you are like, what?

The old comic, Milton Burrell, they say he used to, when he was riding in his limousine, if he wanted to masturbate, he had to open the moonroof because it was just a a dude upton died while recovering from a pecker enlargement procedure. After doctors stitched a big old racehorse rod on for him, things went sideways and he died. Oh, I bet this was not a pleasant way to go. I'm imagining like infections and all that. I'll let your imagination run wild for a minute or two. Oh.

Now, I don't live in this world, so forgive me for my ignorance. But it says here, this poor feller, he's what they call an influencer. And he goes by, or he went by, the handle of ego, tiny, your berebo. Also known as Denisi or ego. Were you folks big fans? No, that's the other thing I was going to mention is unfortunately. It's the only thing I know about the guy is he died from trying to get a bigger penis. I wish I knew his work beforehand, so it wouldn't be the only thing I knew about the guy.

Right. I suppose the nickname Tiny might explain why he was looking into Dong Enlargement in the first place. Again, this poor guy who died, you can call him Ego, Tiny. Uberibo or Denisi or just simply ego. I'll call him ego. I'll go that route. He was 43 years old. He went ahead and died in Thailand.

It says here the cosmetic dong procedure that he signed up for. Ended up given the guy a, quote, fatal embolism. The procedure involved someone or another. A doctor, I would hope, firing 40 milliliters of hyluronic acid and lytocaine into his brajola. Anyone know anything about hierolonic acid or lydicane? I'll heard of the second one. You'd be a great help. They shot 40 milliliters.

They poured that into, and then afterwards, I don't know, a day or two later, ego and his old lady were staying at a hotel probably just inspecting that brand new oversized pecker of his wow look at this some bitch can you imagine what kind of damage i'm going to do with this they were probably just learning about it together in the hotel room and that's when ego started to complain that he was having chest pains. And then the some bitch passed out once or twice. An ambulance took him to the nearest

hospital. How do I say that? Hospital? And he woke up dead. A pulmonary embolism is what doctors claimed killed the guy, which is a clot in your lung. Poor dude.

They said that it was that big, fat, brand new pork sword surgery that caused the blood clot. He's a good-looking man, too. Like, I don't know. That makes me sad that I didn't have, like, enough confidence to just be, like, cool with what was going on down there because his face is very pretty. Yeah, good-looking dude.

Well, I wouldn't... I don't know. I don't know if I would categorize this guy as your average dude with a Tick-Tac and his pants who was struggling with confidence and whatnot. I'm just saying the fact that this guy was an influencer, he may have done it just for the clicks. Yeah. But I don't know. I didn't know ego at all in his short 43 years on planet Earth. It says here now, Cubby, Dick doctors from coast to have been warning fellers for years

about hierolonic acid hog filler. They say, Josh, it is not good. Doesn't seem that way. Is it good? No, it is not good. I wonder the number of folks

who have average or maybe a little above average that if this was deemed a safe procedure would still go through with it. I 100% would go through with it. I know you've said that many times. Yeah, if it was safe. Foolproof, 100%.

If it was as common as like breast implants or something like that. What about, like, if the recovery sucked? Because that's one of the reasons why, like, I don't know, at least for me and I know some of my girlfriends, why getting breast implants is not appealing. It's because I've heard the recovery is absolutely awful. Like, I've seen one of my friends go through it. And it looked awful. How long ago, though, because I know a few that have done it and it was nothing.

I mean, it was like a day or two of being uncomfortable. I've heard stories like you said, but I thought that was kind of more in the past. Maybe like five years ago? Only five years ago. Yeah, like she couldn't lift her arms above a certain height. And I just was like, that looks miserable. I'd never want to do that. Well, what kind of silos did she have sewn onto her body?

It wasn't like that crazy. It looks normal. Josh, I would say the same thing. I've known a few women who have had that procedure recently, and they said it wasn't no thing but a chicken wing on a string from Burger King. But in the early 90s, one of my sister's friends went through it. And she was in her bedroom screaming bloody murder for about two days because of the pain. So I don't.

Maybe it just depends on who you are, where you get it done, what kind of implants you get, all that. Yeah, I'm sure there's those factors. I mean, one woman I know did it twice, and both times she was back to work the next day. Wow. Oh, wow. Because I've heard it goes both ways, too, if you do the reduction, too, that'll also knock you on your ass for a couple weeks. I've heard that's worse. I've heard people say that's actually worse.

Yeah, like you've got to take time off from work. It's kind of like getting a tattoo and then having that tattoo removed. The tattoo is nothing compared to the removal. Oh, the removal process takes so long. And it's incredibly painful. Here's a couple of folks who know something about lytocane and hyerlonic acid. I was asking if anybody knew anything. Because that's what they shot into this poor ego guys.

Schmuck. R.X. Sheises says Lytocane is like Novakane. It's a numbing juice. Hyrolonic acid is the cushioning in our joints. Okay. And that supposedly is what the doctors decided. They thought that was the proper recipe to get. give this guy a wallhanger.

So there you go. Poor guy, he's dead. Yeah, that's no way to go. That's a very embarrassing way to go. My patience is gone. If you bigfoot people don't let it go. I'm telling you, I'm going to come on done. I'm going to send Danhausen after you or something like that.

Enough already. We normal folks are begging you. Enough. This year latest so-called Bigfoot sighting in New York. This one's got to go into the books as one of the worst ever. For Christ's sake, it's a skinny old dude without a shirt on standing in a river. Yeah, it's pretty obvious. Stop bothering us with this nonsense.

Maybe are the pictures up on 93X.com? I think you'll have to bump them up. Okay. It's a skinny dude without a shirt on standing in a... So here's the deal. I'll just go ahead anyway. way because I ain't got anywhere else to be. A hiker in New York

took some pictures of what she believed was a mythical upstate New York Bigfoot. So this lady must be a certified moron. Or she thinks the rest of us are dumb as balls and we would buy this somehow.

Because anyone with just a few healthy brain cells can see what this is. It's a dude without a shirt standing in a river. I mean, he looks kind of more like an alien than a big foot. Yeah. His face is a little goofy. Yeah. But it sure is obviously a gentleman. The gal who took the picture said, it really looked inhuman. Which is the

exact opposite of what I would say. I see a head, I see a couple of arms, I see a chest, all of which are common features in the makeup of an average human body. So I have zero idea what she's seeing. Because I'm not. I don't get it. She went on to say, I like this part, the figure, the figure. She's not willing to call it what it obviously is because she's one of these bigfoot whack bags and they never let it go. They never admit.

So she went on to say, the figure turned its head around and stared at her. Well, yeah. I don't really want this person staring at me. This person does look very creepy. Yeah, he's naked in the middle of a swamp somewhere. I would run. I would run so far away from this guy. The figure turned its head around and stared at me.

Well, yeah, dude was wondering why you'd take a picture of him while he was taking a piss in the river or whatever he was doing. That's a very human response to turn and look at you. But, of course, other Bigfoot jabronies have chimed in on this obvious picture of a shirtless human being. It's so obvious. One said, well, it might possibly be a juvenile saskatch. No, it's not a saskatch. For two reasons.

A saskatch is a made-up thing, like the boogeyman or Woody Woodpecker. It's a made-up thing. And number two, here's the second reason, Josh. It's a dude. Pretty obviously a dude, yes. Now again, just like your top conspiracy theorist friend who always tells you every couple of weeks, well, that's it. World's coming to an end.

Kiss your ass goodbye, right? And then nothing happens, right? They never admit that they were wrong. They always admit, well, it's probably because the Luminati and the government, you see what I'm saying? They never admit that they were wrong. They were right. It's just someone let them down in the process. So the Bigfoot people are the same way.

They will never admit defeat. Another clown went online, Josh, to say that this could be the very first ever picture of a, quote, mini bigfoot. Oh, man. That would suck to be a big foot, but you're a mini big. Yeah. It's like there's the Bronco and then there's the mini Bronco.

Oh, by the way, there is a Sasquatch package on the Ford Bronco. Do you know that? F me running. Yeah, you're right. That would suck to be a big foot. But you're just a mini big foot. Wait a minute. I'm this mythical creature that the entire world has been seeking for centuries, but I'm only 5'7?

Yeah. The small version. That's not cool. My feet aren't to be that big. I wear size 9 and a half. I'm not even that big foot. Yeah, that's what average probably. All right.

The Burning Man Festival. Are we missing out again this year? We missed another burning. Man Festival. Shoot. We got to get on that next year. I've been following along a little bit. Yeah, what's been going on?

Who's been playing? Live music? I have no idea what happens at the Burning Man Festival outside of what I'm about to tell you. I thought it was music. It's like a lot of art going on there. I mean, sadly, there's three people have died this year. From what?

At that event. From what? From what? From men burning. Oh, no. From what I understand. Let me see what the deaths were. Drugs?

I've just mostly been scanning headlines. Yeah, I thought I thought. I saw a headline like that. I was like, oh, geez, but I don't know what, huge festivals like that, I always just kind of assume that. There was a guy. Something bad happens. They talked to an organizer that said, yeah, we average about one death a year at this festival. Yeah.

That doesn't seem right. We account for deaths. You wanted to average zero deaths. So, yeah, I don't even know. Is there a stage? Is it sponsored by Budweiser? Do they have, uh... I think it was like, it's like a whole bunch of stuff, right?

Like art and drugs. All I know is it looks really sandy. The Gugu dog. and seven dust they're going to perform tonight with... That would be so awesome. That's a hell of a bill. Yeah, I'd feel like we're back on the edge. 93.7 The Edge, our previous radio station.

It says here, Cubby, we're missing out on another Burning Man festival, and they've propped up the infamous Orgy Dome again at the Burning Man party. In Nevada, in case you didn't know. Nevada. They've propped up the Orgy Dome. dome. So, you know, tag in, close your eyes, bite your lower lip, and just start pumping back and forth. Eventually, you'll penetrate someone. Get some, baby, in the orgy dome. Last year, the orgy dome got sucked off into the sky by a terrible storm. Casualties were luckily kept to a minimum. A few

hippies were never heard from or seen again, but it could have been a lot worse. worse, they say. She's a 50-foot sex tent. It says here, there are actually two air-conditioned orgy tents. There are two of them. Both of them air-conditioned. One is strictly for pegging. There are 15,000 condoms to go around, a bucket or two of joy jelly. For real. They've got drums of lube, they'll hand you that on the way in the sex tent. They hand you as a towel on the way out. And if you're able to walk out of the pegging tent without assistance, they'll also hand you an ice pack.

It's probably mostly dudes, but that's kind of a neat idea. A neat idea? Yeah. The sex dome is a neat idea. It's about 95% dudes. I'd imagine. Never been to an orgy, but that's kind of. kind of what I imagine it is too.

Because when you watch like those naked bike rides or things like that, naked takeover a subway, it's 90-some percent guys. All right. Do you want to know the rules of the sex tense? Because I'll tell you, I got them right here.

You must be at least 18 years old. It's a very good one. I like the start. That is a very good start. Wait a minute. You can't be drunk. Well, what the hell do you think it was that got me to walk into the sex tent in the first place?

All the other drugs you're doing? I'm drunk off my ass. Everybody's going to be drunk. I'm not taking any drugs, but I'll get drunk off my ass, so I can't walk in when I'm drunk? Why not? Also, no drugs. Oh. Boy, I miss the old school orgies where it was all about being as drunk and as humanly possible.

It also mentions that before you can. fold a stranger in the sex tent, you have to sit through a pre-orgy seminar. Shut up. Oh, come on. So we're going to watch a slideshow? So now, Cubby, now I got to sit down and put my pecker through driver's head? I wouldn't mind. You wouldn't mind sitting?

No, of course, you like to learn things. I do, but it'd be kind of cool to know, oh, wow, I didn't know I'm not supposed to do that or, oh, I'll give that a try. You can't be drunk, you can't be high. You got to sit down, stone cold, sober. play the role of a pupil, a student, at a pre-orgie seminar. You also can't go in there solo, so it's obvious, I think, to all of us that they've ruined this idea. Yeah, I knew that was the rule. Man, the Orgy Dome, you know what it is, Josh?

What's that? It's a total flatliner. It is a flatliner. It seems so cool. Neat. I think you described it as neat. Very neat. Yeah.

It's kind of like, hey, guess what? You just want a lifetime supply a beer, but then they say, well, the average person has one beer a week. Oh, yeah. And then they based that on the average lifespan and say, oh, thanks for the two cases of beer. Our parents and grandparents knew how to throw an orgy. These folks have ruined it. No rules back then. Do you imagine walking in there on accident? I think I'd be pretty uncomfortable. I'll make you uncomfortable. Thailand. I think we were just there. Oh yeah, the dude who died after Getting a new Johnson.

He was in Thailand. It's a popular tourist destination that Thailand. It sure is. What do you make of this year? A gal in Thailand tried to drink and ditch at her neighborhood bar. She drank a few Steve Weisers and tried to leave without paying. She got caught before she made her way out the joint. The bartender was pissed.

You don't choke down a few tallboys and then try to walk out on me. So the bartender held her down and shaved her effing head. Oh, my God. Where did you? Why did she have a razor? Well, like a clippers. Not a raise, but... Just for that purpose?

Like a pew. Yeah, like I was thinking of her having like an electric shaver. And, of course, someone recorded this whole smear. I'll tell you the whole story now. I'll tell you what's in front of me. This cheap-ass, crooked gal. She's well known in this neighborhood for skipping out on her bar tab all over town. Hell, is this for real?

This is the part where I thought I had everything handled. But maybe I'm not so sure about this. It says here, this latest joint she was drinking at, she ran up a bill of $1,812. What the hell was she drinking? And the tears of a unicorn or something? How's she not dead? Was she drinking the bottled sweat of Jesus Christ himself?

Why did it cost $1,812 to drink? I mean, I suppose at a strip club, you could probably spend that on a bottle of champagne or something. Easy. Who the hell can run up a near $2,000 bar tab all on their own? But anyways, she tried to skate on the bill. Maybe she bought some rounds. Very generous when you know you're not going to pay for it.

The bar staff grabbed her up. the gal said I ain't got a dime I ain't got a pot to piss in so the bartender said okay stupid I'm either calling the local authorities or

I shave your skull Shnade O'Connor style right effing now and then we're going to put that movie online and the gal said well looks like I'm getting a new makeover she can pull it off oh yeah yeah looks good

what an idea by the bartender. Go to jail or I shave your noggin. As usual, the general, by God, how do I say this, Josh? Public has different opinions on this deal. Some thought the gal had it come, and others thought that it came off terrible, mean, and degrading. Yeah, it definitely does that, and I'm sure that was the goal. No, I don't have any hair to lose, but had I had the hair, I'd like that choice.

Other than going to jail? Yeah, I'd much prefer having my head shaved than my, you know, whatever happens in jail. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm saying. That would be hard. I don't know, actually. How long am I going to jail for?

I don't know. That's going to take a really long time for my hair to grow back. I don't know. I would have to think about that for a little bit. I maybe need a pen and paper. Write out pros and cons. Take some prenatal vitamin. Does that make your hair go like crazy?

Yeah, yeah, it does. I still take them, actually, for that reason. You know how I know I'm losing it slowly but surely, Josh? How'd that? I keep walking out on my bar tab. Oh, really? Yeah. Didn't you say not too long ago that you did it for the first time in a really long time and now...

Yeah, I had an incident or two years ago. But I'm not chalking that up to any kind of senility. That was years ago. I was still young. but now it's like every four or five trips I make to my neighborhood bar I walk out on the stinking tab if it makes you feel better I sometimes forget to pay

and you know I'm only 28 so they know you so well there I mean you probably don't have to put down a credit card ahead of time right no no no it's no big deal I just get my balls busted when I walk back in but it's a little embarrassing and concerning because I mean and it's not because you get hammered anymore no no no I just can't get a grip all right one more for you back to those flock cameras real quick if and you don't mind

here's another situation where I have absolutely no idea what it is I'm saying but I'm going to go ahead anyway a German clothing designer has gone ahead and created a Hawaiian shirt do you have any in the closet Josh? No never owned one a couple of my buddies think that Hawaiian shirts are hilarious and eventually I'm going to have to punch them square in the mouth.

But a German clothing designer has gone ahead and created a Hawaiian shirt with an abstract pattern that supposedly works as camouflage for AI-powered surveillance cameras. It's being called Digital Homicide. No, that's a local band that Josh and I like. It's being called Digital Camouflage. It has a Hawaiian shirt vibe with bright colors. the designer said it can make you invisible to many AI-powered cameras.

I was thought when I was a kid, an invisibility cloak would be pretty cool. Yeah, it worked it well for Harry Potter. Yeah. How did it work out well? Yeah, I don't know that story. Like what had you used it for? I mean, he used it to, you know, get around the castle and whatnot. The castle, Hogwarts.

I actually, I hated those scenes. Those caused me so much anxiety. The invisible Harry Potter? Yeah, whenever he would, like, throw that thing on, I was just always, I remember, like, even thinking about it now makes me uncomfortable. It's so sketchy. All right. That's very fascinating.

I was just like, I'd always be like, oh, gosh, what if he sneezes? Oh, no. Game over. So you're worried he was going to ruin it. Yeah. Did you feel the same way in Scooby-Doo when the person that was completely covered by the giant coat might sneeze? Yes, yes. That's how a lot of times they'd get caught.

So whoever made this friggin' Hawaiian? shirt. Again, it may say if you wear it, AI won't recognize you. Here's why, Josh, did you know that AI doesn't know what a human is? It's it just learned. AI just simply learned what humans look like based on its training, this, that. Anyone following that? It seems like AI supposedly knows quite a bit. You think it would know what a human is so it can, when it eventually targets us to take over the world. Eventually it will learn what a human is. It's in the process right now.

So they warn you that this futuristic invisibility Hawaiian shirt won't last long. It won't trick them forever. The story closes out by mentioning that ALAI will eventually find you. It can't be bargained with It can't be reasoned with It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear And it absolutely will not stop Ever until you are dead

You calling it Al for a second It reminded me of when like Dana I bet you remember when like Snapchat Got AI And it would just like Automatically download onto your Snapchat You didn't have to do it yourself But

My friend We were all hanging out with me, my girlfriends, and she goes, so she's like, this little, like, you know, artificial intelligence thing that we all have on Snapchat now. Like, what's your, like, what name did you give your guys is? And we were like, oh, what do you mean? It doesn't have a name. And she just, she goes, well, mine, like, they named it for me. Its name is Al.

I don't know why. She's like, I love talking to Al. That's how I read it at first. I just sat there and stared at her for a while. And I was like, yeah, the artificial. intelligence that it was downloaded, Al? Even when I knew what it was, it still took me forever to not automatically read Al whenever I see it. Josh, remember when caller ID first became a thing and you would get a telephone call at home?

And if you had the right phone, you could turn your phone over and it would say, Cubby. It would identify people by their name. I remember thinking that was really cool, caller ID when I first came out. One day my old man picked up the phone at his house, and he turns the phone over to look at the little digital screen that would usually say, you know, the last name of who's calling you. And my dad looks at the – I was sitting there with Big Al and the old man. And he looks at the phone and he goes, he's – who the hell is Mick Ledusa? And Al and I said, huh? Well, that's who's calling right now, Mick Ledusa.

And Al grabs the phone out of his hand and looks at the screen and goes, it's McLeodleuSA. It's a phone company, you friggin' moron. Mick Ledusa wasn't calling. It was McLeodoo, U.S. Sports. On the 93-Ags half-assed morning show. Man. Anybody else, did any of the rest of you notice that the radio studios

just turned into August in Kansas City? Yeah, it's like weirdly hot wet. No, I haven't noticed. It just got, like, August in Kansas City. Kansas City is like two rats in an effing wool sock said what the hell was his name again. Ichiro Suzuki? It just got hotter than Dutch love in here. We were talking about Hawaiian shirts earlier, Josh.

Did you know this? A listener says nobody calls them Hawaiian shirts anymore. They're just called boat shirts. Did you know that? Never heard that. I thought a boat shirt was different. Yeah. I'm just going off.

I don't know. I'm just telling you what a listener has passed my way. I look that up. I mentioned also in our last conversation during the stupid news report that I'm a little worried about my cognitive grade right now. Because I'm walking out on my bar tab. About every two, three trips to the beer hall, I'm walking out on the tab. And then I've got to come back the next day and they bust my chops about it. A listener texted in and said the second thing to go is the memory.

And he forgets what the first thing is. Nice win for the twins last night. F me. They just refuse to leave us alone. They just won't walk away. The National Football League begins their latest regular season tonight. There's a game on television tonight. Cool.

You might watch a little bit. It's a kick in the ass every time. Josh's news reports coming up next. Morning Show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning.

I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double dip and save $140

if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-E. And it spells relief for you. It's football season on Pollymore. Trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos.

Promocode WW CFB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as non-withdrawable trading credit for use on the platform.

Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Hey ho, neighborinos. 93X. Half-assed morning show. They were seeing these harrowing near misses. Now, little kids, if they see the red lights, they should be able to have faith that it's safe for them to approach their school bus.

If you're driving near a school bus with its red lights flashing in Minnesota, stop the car, even if that arm isn't out, then one with the cute little stop sign. The change is part of a new state law aimed at improving student safety by sending a message to drivers who are too careless or stupid to realize the dangers they put kids in just to get to work 30 seconds sooner. As tens of thousands of Minnesota students headed back to school this week,

backpacks loaded with vape cartridges, already counting the days till next summer, state safety leaders are reminding drivers to slow down, pay attention, and stop when those red lights are flashing no matter whether or not the stop signs out. Turns out plenty of people weren't getting that memo. In a national survey, Minnesota bus drivers reported more than 500 violations for illegally passing school buses. The new law is hoping to put the brakes on that behavior and close what safety leaders are calling a dangerous loophole.

So the old rule, stop only if the lights are flashing and the little stop sign is out. New rule, lights are flashing is all it takes. If not, it'll cost you. Breaking the new law could cost you 500 big ones. 500 dollarini's. 500 donuts. The change to the law is minor but important. Now when a vehicle approaches a school bus from either direction, if red lights are flashing on the school bus, approaching vehicles must stop. Approaching feet of the school bus. If the lights are flashing, approaching vehicles must stop.

Isn't it approaching? It depends on if you're her or the rest of us. If you heard, it's approaching. Approaching. You know, sometimes you don't have time for the, uh. You just got to go with approaching. I appreciate that. You what now? I appreciate that. At any rate, Cubby, I think I can follow these new rules. I think I can.

Motorists are also reminded when you're stopped behind a school bus, you've got to be at least 20 feet away, and you've got to stay there until the lights stop flashing. St. Cloud Police arrested a driver Monday after he crashed into a parked car, well, cars, I should say, and a home's porch, and then the drugs and stuff. Started about 5.18 a.m. when an officer tried to stop the man for a seat belt and turn signal violation.

Rather than simply accepting the consequences of not signaling a turn, he decided to flee, prompting several officers to give chase with lights and sirens. The pursuit ended when the man hit several parked cars before crashing into a porch. And in another example, that fleeing on foot is not a great plan when the people chasing you are professionally trained and presumably have better cardio. he ran from police, who accustomed to chasing drunk college students in St. Cloud ran better. And they gave him an introduction to criminal justice 101. During a search of his car, police found a large amount of meth,

other controlled substances, drug paraphernalia consistent with drug sales, and a gun with ammunition. Police said no one was hurt during the incident beside the guy. He did sustain some minor injuries. He comes off like a real cutie pie. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it was going to be pretty minor, but maybe he just assumed they'd find the math and all that kind of stuff, the party stuff. If all TV premieres are right around the corner.

And if you own an LG smart TV, you might already be starring in your own show. The one where your TV listens to you pleasuring yourself to Bridgeton, including prostate play. Hardware Review Group gamers Nexus teamed up with cybersecurity researchers to break down a massive security flaw in the world's most public. popular TV brand. Turns out your LG TV might be eavesdropping on your living room even when the screen is turned off. What? Apparently, there's data gathering systems called Live Plus.

Researchers examined several new LG models and found the TVs identify and store information on every other device connected to your local Wi-Fi. Phones, computers, printers. Your TV's even mapping out your home network gathering Wi-Fi names, signal info, and device identifiers. researchers said. Stop that. They said it's not necessarily harmful on its own, but it creates a remarkably detailed

profile of who's using what device, where, and when. And then there's the microphone. The built-in microphone records audio while the TV sits in standby mode, after you press the power button on the remote even. In a video published Monday, Gamer's Nexus demonstrated how a compromised TV captures audio and stores it locally while offline, then beams it back to the game. to a remote hacker the second the Wi-Fi reconnects. Meaning apparently the real entertainment might be whatever you're saying

when you think no one's listening. Uh-oh. Easiest fix is disabling the data recording software entirely, which the tech guru say you can do in the settings menu. I have no idea what kind of TV I have, but I hope nobody is listening to my conversations. Do you have smart speakers? I don't know.

I feel like Nick right now. I'm really bad. I also don't know what kind of television I have, but here's the good news, cubby. I can't think of anything that I might say out loud in my home that's going to shock anybody. Have you heard, like, there's been stories where somebody's like, oh, man, I totally murdered that guy today. And then they get the recordings from a smart speaker. No. And then what?

Someone gets their door kicked in and the police start batonning everyone, or really? And somebody said, I didn't totally murder that guy. And they say, well, why did that say you totally murdered that guy then? It's not your business. They can listen to every friggin' thing. I don't care. I haven't done it in a while, but like when the kids were little, I would go back on the app for our smart speaker and listen to the things when they say,

hey, smart lady, what's this? Right, questions or commands. Oh, cute. I bet they had some fun ones. A lot of, tell me a fart joke. Tell me a part, a lot of that kind of stuff, just to make sure there was nothing inappropriate happening. Do you remember any of those good fart jokes?

Well, it was, they don't tell you what she said. They just say, tell me a fart joke. Tell me another. Just what they asked. You hear the recording of the request. Meanwhile, 31 years ago, Sony gave us a video game system without a microphone, thankfully. Some of the things coming out of living rooms during a frustrating game probably would have got a lot of gamers canceled had it happened today. I'd imagine, Dana, you were one of those.

You said you ran hot. Oh, big time. Oh, my gosh, the things I would hear my brother and his buddies say late at night. Combinations of words. Oh, my gosh. They would have been kicked out so fast nowadays. They don't put up with any of that crap anymore. Did you hate yourself?

Are you a dummy? Me? When I was a kid, well, I guess I wasn't terribly young. Years ago, one of my pals' nephews, he was a little kid at the time, and we would play this four-wheeler video game with him. And the kid was really serious about it. He loved this four-wheeler video game. So, you know, we were 17, he was seven, whatever.

We'd sit down and play the games with him. And when he would crash, he would take it so hard. And this is still a bit amongst my friend group. The kid would throw down the remote and he'd smack himself in the forehead. He'd go, I'm a dummy. Oh, no. I hate myself. I hate myself.

I'm a dummy. Poor kid. Dude, I would have been crying. You can just start over again. It's okay. Oh, I'm surprised you guys didn't double down. Yes, you are a dummy. I could see you doing that too.

One minute. Go ahead. You kind of slap him on top of the head a little bit. You can hit yourself harder than that. He hated himself. He was a dummy. But it was on this day in 1995. The Sony PlayStation was released in the United States.

Oh, wow. It's also on this day in 1999. The Sega Dreamcast came out. The Dreamcast, that didn't last too long, did it? It didn't. It was a wonderful system. It deserved better. But no, unfortunately, it didn't last long.

That was the death of Sega as a console maker. Here's a random technology fact. According to estimates, every time you hit the space bar, an average of about 600,000 other people around the world do too at that exact microsecond. Really? No way. I just pressed it like seven times in a row. Look at that. I feel like I'm a part of something.

You are. There's a whole group out there. There's a whole group doing it right when you did it. And finally, what do you call a singing laptop? Adele. P does its best in a urinal. the toilet, and for some more adventurous folks in the listening audience, the bedroom.

Turns out one of the biggest threats to the world's tallest mountain is and avalanches or altitude sickness. It's overhydrated climbers with no polite place to potty. Each year, close to a thousand people head to the Nepal-Tibet border to take a crack at summiting Everest.

Climers prepping for the trek set up base camp on a glacier, one that's already shrinking. And it turns out human bladders are speeding things along. Gosh, what aren't we ruining? Thanks in no small part to the amount of pee being tinkled on it each year. Tinkle, great for kink play, but bad for glaciers.

The findings come from a paper in the journal Regional Environmental Change, where researchers track the human impact using data collected at base camp during the 2023 spring climbing season. 1,600 tents were pitched on the glacier that season. Researchers tallied up the fuel burned for heating and other factors and found up to 3,000 metric tons of ice and snow melted as a result. But there was one somewhat surprising culprit, P. Climbers up there produce an estimated 158 gallons of urine a day, and the body heat and warmth from all that liquid adds up.

Most of that peeped right onto the ground, essentially golden showering the glacier into a yellowed slab of melted ice, and the paper says the collective heat generated by all that urine is responsible for melting 154 metric tons of ice and snow each climbing season. Have they thought about passing go girls out to every jabroney who decides to climb this stupid thing? Well, they bag up the poop. They just haven't figured out what to do with the pee. You got to bag it up.

I've got to figure it out. They could just like repurpose it, right? Like make water. I don't know. Is that a thing? You can do that, right? I think you can do that somehow. I don't know.

And maybe some folks do. I'm not going to lose any sleep if mom. Everest just kind of falls down. You don't have a trip plan? Not really a big concern of mine, but that's just me. The paper recommends that most Everett's popular

restroom with a view of a glacier and onto solid ground nearby, they move that where it won't spend the climbing season on the business end of a golden shower. So they got to bag up the poop? Like, even my own? Yeah, everybody's. Oh, gross. Yeah, everybody. Oh, man.

Next week, the science of linking cyclones to the common quiff. While people are peeing their way across Everett, Everest, excuse me, and most 91-year-olds are gearing up to pee-four times a night, a 91-year-old Navy veteran Dale Greybeard Sanders just reclaimed his title as the oldest person to ever complete, or excuse me, complete, the 2,200-mile Appalachian Trail. For it to be considered a true through hike, it needs to be completed within a year. Well, that dream was almost dashed after numbness in his arm sent Sanders to the hospital.

He'd nearly given up hope until his doctor cleared him with just enough time to make it across the finish line with only days to spare. Sanders first took the oldest hiker title at the age of 82 nearly a decade ago. But that was nullified by a so-called friend, 83-year-old MJ Eberhardt, who finished the trail in 2021. Sanders began his comeback last September and completed the trail last week. The hike up there was really hard for a 91-year-old. I was tired. I just fell two-tenths a mile before the top. I still had that new for it, you know, our accomplishment.

So the drilling was definitely flowing. He mentioned he fell in his estimation about 71 times during the track. I love him. He said only three octogenarians, two men and one woman have completed the trail, but he's the only person in their night. 90s to have done it. He fell down once or twice, huh? Yeah, 71 times.

And then once towards the end and he thought that one, oh, that might have ended it for him. But luckily he made it. What if that was the case? Like he was maybe like an hour from being finished and then he falls. That's it. Can't do it. It's quite the accomplishment.

Very cool for the guy. But it makes me feel like crap when I'm celebrating finding a parking spot close to a door. Yeah. Just very excited about that. And this guy's out there. Setting records. You live your life the way you want to, Cubby. Who cares about this schmuck?

It's a free country. You can be who you want to be. The 40th season premiere of Sunday night football tonight on NBC and on a Wednesday. The Seahawks of Seattle. Seattle felt so stupid sometimes. Hosts the cheaters of New England. Yeah, I don't think they need to call it Sunday. I understand.

I get that's the name of the program, but it's pretty weird. Now streaming on Peacock, the second season premiere of the paper. And this sounds really cool. A documentary called Band of Brothers Legacy on HBO Max. It's about the World War II miniseries Band of Brothers, which premiered 25 years ago today, two days before the towers fell on 9-11. Again, Band of Brothers Legacy, Band of Brothers,

probably a must-watch. Wouldn't you guys agree? It's fantastic. I've never seen it, but I've heard it'll make you cry. You have to watch it. Oh, it will. You should watch it. I know I should.

I have no reason that I haven't watched it. It's just, you know, haven't got it around doing it. This would be a good time to start. Yeah, it's excellent. 24 years ago today, one small misstep for man, led to one very large right hook to the face. September 9th, 2002, astronaut Buzz Aldrin, who was 72 at the time, decked a moon landing conspiracy theorist who accused him of lying about Apollo 11. He knocked the guy's teeth right into space.

You don't mess around with him. That's awesome. I love that story. He's pretty pissed off about that. How old of a man was he when he laid this conspiracy theorist out on his ass? 72. That's badass. In slightly friendlier space news,

today's also the birthday of E.T. star, Henry Thomas, turning 55. Didn't he end up in the clinker not too long ago? No idea. Oh, man. Do you get like a D-dub or something? That sounds right. I really. I'm not too sure.

There's something there, maybe. The great Adam Sandler, 60 today. Wow. And Luke Duke on the Dukes-A-Hazard, Tom Wopat, 75. Once again, we get the great honor of welcoming a new member to the Brotherhood. Dougie Fresh. Congrats to mom and dad, Coke Repairman, Jesus. What are they saying?

They named the kid Doug? Yeah, I don't know. Dougie Fresh is what they're calling. I'm going to guess it's... Because that's nice to hear. You don't hear about kids named Doug anymore. Yeah, I like that. Douglas.

Find anything, Dana? No, no. Okay. What was he looking for? I was looking to see what the ET kid did to get in trouble. Oh. Oh. George, Grace the Luther Kia of Bloomington text line with a happy birthday wish to his beautiful wife, Valerie, who he called a cold peace.

I haven't heard that term before. Heard? Cold peace. Boomer Sooner Jesus met his wife in D.C. 20 years ago today and said he's pleased to know she still likes him most days. And happy 49th birthday to St. Paul Lino Jesus from his better half obsessed kiddie disorder. Jesus. And that's 93x News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder.

on the half-ass morning show. Yeah, here they are. It's Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder together again. Frick and frack. Tweedle D and Tweedle-Dum. Which one am I? Yeah, whatever you want to be. Kermit and Miss Piggy.

I don't know. I'm trying to come up with some of the greatest. What about like compliments? Abbott and Costello. Ren and Stimpy. Thelma and Louise. Beavis and Budhead. Welcome, boys. Pen and Teller.

Penn and Teller. We can do it all day, Bradrider. We could. I'm glad you guys are here for many reasons. Maybe you can help cheer me up a little bit because tonight the misery starts all over again. Tonight kicks off a fresh new season for the Broken National Football League. It was a game on television tonight starting at 7 o'clock on Channel 11. Who do they have scheduled playing tonight? the New England Patriots and the World Champion Seattle Sea Ducks. It's a rematch.

Super Bowl rematch. Oh, my God. Now, was this game being played at Stonehenge or something like that? No, that's tomorrow. No, that's tomorrow. What do they do tomorrow? Playing in Australia. Okay.

But they do so many of these. I assumed that the season opener would be in Antarctica? Yeah. They've been having the season opener at the season opener at the Super Bowl champion the last several years. Okay. By the way, I think I may have just came up with a sweet idea. Have they played an NFL game at Stonehenge yet, Josh? Not that I'm aware of.

Tonight, they get it. It seems like a bad idea. No, what's that? It seems like a bad idea. Why would that be a bad idea? I mean, knock one of those over, you got trouble. Oh, who gives a rat's ass at this point, Jesus. Tourist trap is all that is. So there you go. They fire it up tonight.

I'm buried in rankings and ratings this morning. National football related rankings and ratings and articles of that nature. Everybody's got an opinion. They sure do Randy Shaver. Like say the sporting news with their quarterback rankings, the best and worst starting quarterbacks for 20, then 26, the upcoming season. They rank them from one all the way down to the friggin bottom of the barrel. And the top couple three, four, bore you to death. It's the same swinging Ds we've been dealing with for years now. Well, let's go 10 to 1.

10. Brock Purdy. San Francisco 49ers. Holler at me if you want to light any of these fools up and tell me that they suck or something like that. I'd be fine with that, of course. No. 10, Brock Purdy. Yep. Nine, Drake May, New England Patriots.

I don't think he's nine, but that's fine. Eight, Matt Stafford. Yep. He hasn't. 41 years old. Is he 41? Man. I think he's 41.

Oh, I thought he was like 38. I think about that. I could be playing the NFL right now. Maybe I'm off. I thought he was 40. 40? He's over 40. Yeah, I thought he's 40.

We're going to go along with it, Randy Schaver. He's 38. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. I thought he was over 40. I'm still going along with it. I thought he was 41.

The top quarterbacks in the league, according to the sporting news, number seven, Jalen Hertz of the Phil Fidelphia Eagles. Your guy. Yes, I'm a fan. Number six. Caleb Wollum, Chicago Bears. And then the boring top five because it's the same top five every year.

Dak Prescott, Lamar Jackson, Joe Burrah, Pat Mahomes, Josh Allen. Coming in at number 23. Out of 32. Starting quarterbacks, Kyler Murrah, Minnesota Viking. Here's what they say about Kyler Murrah. He and the Vikings need each other. Yeah. They need each other.

Murrah needs to prove he can put it all together as a dual threat. And in this troubled Kelvin O'Connor offense, his passing will be valued more than his running. To that end, Murrah has shown that he's back. and still has the ability to spread the field with accuracy, with their past protection, with Justin Jefferson. Murrah can't be ruled out to be this year's Sam Darnold or Indiana Jones. Both former Vikings, who, as we all know, made dramatic,

I don't know if you'd call it a comeback, and I'm not trying to quote L.L. Cool J. there, but both Indiana Jones and Sam Darnold kind of, especially Sam Darnold, went from your average kind of forgettable quarterback to something special in recent memory. Yeah. Go ahead and guess the poor bastard who finds himself as the lowest rated starting quarterback going into this NFL season go? I was just curious to know who 24 through 32 were if he's 23. I don't have that in front of me.

A cubby could look it up for you because he's a hard work in time. type of a guy. You want to know who Kyler Murrah is ranked above? Yeah. Okay. I would say Deshawn Watson is at the bottom. Deshaun Watson is second to the bottom. He's of course starting this year again for the miserable Cleveland Browns. Okay. Then I would guess you got it. You got it. Quarterback for Tennessee. Cam Ward. It's not Cam Ward. I don't know who that is. I don't know who's starting for Tennessee. I'll give you a hint. What's that? That's Cam Ward. Cam Ward is the starter for Tennessee.

Yes. I'm going to go along with that, the same way I went along with you calling Matt Stafford 40, 41 years old. I'm going to go along with it. I'll give you a hint on the worst-rated starting quarterback in the entire national football league going into the season. Multiple frightening, life-threatening concussions. Oh, Tua?

Yeah. Yeah. How was that guy still walking? I know. He's starting for the Atlanta Falcons, don't you know? Josh, did you find these quarterback? I'm sorry, maybe you didn't jump on it. Yeah, I have the list.

Oh, who finished below Kyler Murrah, other than we've mentioned Tua and Deshawn Watson? So again, Kyler's 23rd. Yeah. Then after that, we get Kirk Cousins. C.J. Stroud, Bryce Young. Cam Ward was mentioned. Aaron Rogers, 28.

Are you guys surprised that he's that love? No, he's terrible. He's awful. Jacoby Brissett. Gino Smith was that said? Gino Smith, no. That's at 30? No, we didn't cover him. And then you mentioned Deshawn Watson and Tua.

Is that okay with you, Brad Rider, that those guys were ranked lower than, or do you have a problem with that? Not a huge problem. There's a couple of guys I would put above Pryler, but at that point, you're just 6-1.5 dozen of the others. Yeah, you just got to finish out the list. 651-1-0-715, Jesus wants to know Malik Willis, who currently, I think, is starting for the Miami Dolphins. Do you know where he is at on the list since you pulled it up? in front of you. He is 21st. How about Jordan Love?

17 or 18 or something like that. Yeah, he was higher. By the way, so I saw a meme yesterday. 18. That was Jordan Love? Yeah. I saw a meme yesterday that said social media has uncovered yet another dude scamming people by posing as an NFL player and then it had multiple pictures of J.J. McCarthy. That's good. Oh, my God.

I also saw a thing on social media. It was a photo. It was a video. It started out the still photo of JJ doing that, you know, growling face paint thing that's gone viral. And it said, Dear Nine, thanks for all the memories,

we'll always remember you. And then that Green Day song, I hope you had the time of your life, kicks in. And it's just a montage of all of his worst plays. Oh, that's cool. And when you see him all stacked up like that, you remember just how bad he was at times.

Oh. Yeah, there you go. All right, I mentioned we have multiple rankings, ratings. Randy Schaefer, you go ahead and tell us as we begin, like I said, another full schedule of the broken national football league's regular season. How many fantasy football clubs are you involved in going into week one here? That many? Okay, hold on.

15, 20. The first problem is not knowing how many. I just had my last, I'm in one last draft that's going on right now. Oh, right now. Two, four, five, six, seven. Live as we speak, your drafting fantasy football players? Well, it's a slow draft, so it's. Oh.

You get like two hours to make a pick. Right. So the answer would be. Nick, I'm in 34. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. What the hell, man? I'm in 34.

Now, not all of them are ones that are, I mean, you draft and then you're done. You don't do anything after you draft, so. What do you say three or four? I said 34. Oh, 34. He said, yes, he said 34. But you have to maintain the rosters from week to week, right? Not all of them, Brad.

Some of them are, you draft and you're done. Okay. Josh, don't you know a decent therapist? We could probably find one. What in the hell kind of derelict, degenerate lifestyle are you leading? This is our buddy Tweedle D. He's got a whole lot of fantasy football. I thought you were going to say 17 or 18 and we'd kick you in the nuts for a few minutes.

You doubled that. Just a little overboard. Does that get stressful managing all that? No, you know, actually, Josh, I. love to multi-manage things. That's fine. That's impressive. Don't a lot of them just kind of cancel each other out? They're not all in the same league.

Well, I know, but, you know, differently, you know, you're rooting for this guy, but you're playing him in that league. I don't root for anybody. He doesn't root for anybody. No, I just. Just himself. So I'm going to ask from a financial standpoint, I mean, some of them are probably worth more than others.

There's got to be... Great question, Brad Ryder. There's got to be three or four that you just are like, I really want to win these because then I can, you know, offset losing in the other 25. That is correct. Yes, you are right. How much money did you spend? I'm not going to tell you that.

I'm in 10 baseball playoffs right now. They started this week. See, we got baseball too, yeah. And there are three, I'm in three leagues that I really care about. Three of those. Did you do fantasy anything a little different? NASCAR? Yeah, something that's, I would.

I would. if I could find it, but I don't know what it is. Now, here's a question from a listener who's concerned about you, Randy. Yeah. 34 fantasy football leagues. He just mentioned 10 fantasy football, pardon me, fantasy baseball league still going on. Is this having an effect on your sex life? Well, let's see.

Doing the math. I'm 67 years old. Uh-huh. So I'm not too worried about it. No. Yeah, you got that. He's done enough. You've done it all.

I've done it all. I've done it all. Yeah. I find enough time to do it all. I think the last thing you said to the wife was that ought to hold you. Oh, my God. Yeah. It'll last you.

Was it 40 that you retired from sex, Nick? 40, yeah. 40. What else can you do? What else do they want? Yeah. But then I pulled like a. Rick Flair and I...

Three months later, I was at a pay-per-view. You motley crude that one. You kissed that one. Three months later, I was on Raw, you could say. That is... That is some troubling news this morning, Randy, you junkie. Nerdy Marine Jesus says there's fantasy leagues for the WWE, like pay-per-view events and things like that. I'm sure there is.

You can bet on that in sports books these days. That doesn't seem right. No, it doesn't. Randy, every once in a while in this program, when someone says something cute, a funny name, a funny slogan, a funny slang term. You always say, okay, I'm making that the name of one of my fantasy football. So do you have your, do you have any?

Yes. Go ahead. I have them in front of me. In case people don't know where I'm going with this, I'm wondering if Randy has any hilarious fantasy football team names. No, no, but I. write down stuff that we talk about or teams. So I have a team named Montefista.

Montefista. I have a team name Hogbauer Otto. Oh, awesome. Wonderful. And these are all things you heard on this year program. Yep. Working on this year. Yes.

Ricky Stenicki. Oh, I love that movie. That movie's better than it should have been. Yes, exactly. Snack Panther. Okay, that rings a bell. Straight cash homie. Word.

It's a classic. I think that's those are the only ones. Pretty good list. Yeah. Pretty good list right there. And a nod to Red Skelton, I have a team named Clem Kidddlehopper. Red? Not a lot of folks out there that remember Red Skelton.

That's the therapist. But I do. And he had a character called, Clem Ciddlehopper? Yes. It's when he flapped his arms. That was Clem Ciddlehop. I think I remember.

Milwaukee Meteorology. Oh, I see what they did there. This is my first time reading this listener name as they text in here. 651-989-93. That's our Luther, Bloomington, Key, a text line. First time reading this one out loud, so I apologize for being a little sloppy. Milwaukee Meteorology Zez is how I should have said that. He texted in and said,

Shaver has 34 fantasy football teams and the guy can't manage one bicycle. Oh, I have one more team, Aaron Gasbag. I have Aaron Gasbag. Oh, Karen Rogers, a while back I started calling him the gas bag. Yep. Because that's truly deep down all the man is, is a giant inhaling and exhaling gas bag. Has it seemed like he's slowed down on that or maybe he's just not getting the coverage. Josh, give it time. You think so? The time. That's right. The reason I brought up your fantasy football teams and whether or not you might have had a cute name in there, well, this will bore most of us to death, really, I think. Yahoo.com has dumped out an article on the most popular fantasy football team

names. These are the most common. Sure. But of course, these are the clean, predictable ones that are are listed on Yahoo.com. You know, it gets a hell of a lot more fun than this. But, I mean, some of these are just so bad that they're good. So these are the most common fantasy football team names. You know, hurt so good. Yeah. Nakua Matata.

Baby back Gibbs. to infinity and bejean and then a lot of folks do this prestige worldwide from that Will Ferrell movie okay we're not done yet run CMC that's a nod to Christian McCaffery oh back to this Bijan

dude Bijan mustard this is like our grandmothers this couple that are kind of funny on that they're not funny though Josh they really are Not really. There's hawk toa. Hock to it. Leportapati, which is a San Leport.

I like that one. And again, this is straight up your grandmother. Oh, I've come up with a fantasy football team name. Victorious Secret. So you can share that with everyone in the... Shut up. This are so lame. Lame.

feel free to send us your hilarious fantasy football names if you got one. I just name mine after sitcom names. Go ahead, Brad Ryder. Well, I mean, you know, I'm a big office fan, so I call one of my teams as Shrewd Farms. The Shrewd Farms? No, Shrewd Farms. It's a beet farm. Never saw it.

Yeah. Never saw the office. Things like that. Do you like uncircum-sized DAC picks? No. You don't like that one? Well, then I won't say the Jesus name. in case they're embarrassed.

You know, and it's not that uncircumcised DAC picks isn't creative. But it's kind of like I've read the really raunchy, really repulsive ones. And now it has to be that, or I'm not amused. You know what I mean, Josh? I understand. If they're even the slight... It's the same argument you've made about Playboy magazine. Right.

It does nothing for you anymore after you've seen Hustler and some of these other ones. Yeah, you can't go back to Playboy. What are you? Of an eighth grader? You know, you become desensitized, Josh. That's what's happened to you. Send us your funny fantasy football team names. I'm sure you've got some that can top the 10 that I just read you out loud.

Now, you just reeled from, you backed away from the microphone, and you laughed, and you're covering your mouth. You feel ashamed about something, Josh. I'm just not 100% sure we can read this one. Yeah, then just don't do it. I'll print it for you and you let me know. My girl loves my Ditka, you know. The spokesman.

Well, that's a dude that, that's a regular listener calls himself the spokesman. Oh, there's from two pumps and squeeze. Jesus says his team name is the spokesman, and then he has a very graphic emoji of the spokes. Yeah. What's happening? What are you doing? Oh, you're pointing at the printer. You've got a fantasy football team name.

You think you want me to. Well, yeah, this is like sixth grade stuff. We could say, I didn't know if that would be anything we couldn't say. I touched down there. Okay. That one made you nervous? I touched down there. Maybe I'm in a mood.

I don't know. I didn't know if we could say that or not. I'll put you in a friggin. We're so descriptive. Josh said something or another about, oh, Jesus. I mean, look at all these fantasy football. football team names that are rolling into our text machine. There's a lot of jokes about sacks and TDs.

That's the common theme so far. Sacks and TDs. Okay. Oh, God, not this one again. My bull, Zach Ertz. Stop that. It's stupid. It's totally stupid.

Josh said he said something or another minute ago about Karen Rogers. Now here's what happens when you hang out with the gas bag for two. long. Pittsburgh Stiller's wide receiver D.K. Metcalf believes that there is a secret civilization living inside the earth under Antarctica. Do you think he was messing around?

I don't know. I don't know. These guys do get hit in the head for a living. Okay, that's a good point. I haven't heard this kind of talk from him before. This theory that D.K. Metcalf is bothering everybody about is a variation of an old, old

theory called the hollow earth theory. This pile of nonsense says that there are advanced civilizations now. Randy Schaever Brad Ryder, are you following this so far? Yep. Yep. The

hollow earth theory there is an advanced civilization I can't even say this out loud. Living deep below Earth's surface and they have one access

point to come and go from deep within the earth and to the surface of the earth, and that entry point is near the South Pole. And they come and go, they come up here, and they hit Home Depot and Hardee's or something, and then they go back down to the... The hollow earth theory. I had heard that one. I had a buddy the other day telling me, he goes, I made a genuine effort to try to get into conspiracy theories, but they're all just too dumb.

I love the fact that he made an effort. I think I might get into conspiracy theories now. Well, I've tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, but you're right. Some of them are a little odd. I've dipped my toe into the... Here's what D.K. Metcalf says. He says, I think there is another world down there. There's another civilization inside of Earth.

And here's where he makes even a bigger jabron of himself. He says, look at it this way. You can go to Alaska. You can go to the North Pole. But why are we not allowed to go to Antarctica? Why can't you just book a trip to Antarctica? Well, you can. Yeah, you can do that.

People live there. Yeah. Well, I didn't know that, do they really? You can take a cruise there. You can go see Metallica show there. True. Maybe I was picturing a different Antarctica. But yeah, he says, why can't we go there?

Well, D.K., you actually can. You free to go there whenever you want to. He's listening to frigging Karen. It must be something about Steelers' wide receivers because remember Antonio Brown played for the season. Steelers, too. True. He's doing fine.

He was different. He was absolutely different kind of a guy. Oh, he's fine. Yeah, he'll be all right on his own. He's fine. He's figuring it out. Give him some time. Yeah, he started hanging out with my guy Jimmy.

That made him normal again. He started hanging out with someone named Jimmy. Jimmy, Butler. Oh, they're friends? Oh, yeah, they're tight. Oh, I didn't know that. They are super tight. That makes sense.

Are they more than friends? Are they lovers, Brad? Well, I don't know. But they're really tight. All right. Tell me what this means. Tell me if this is significant to you at all, because I don't understand this language.

Former NFL coach Mike Tomlin. I think now he's going to do some television work. Yeah. He was working for NBC. He has been building a Minecraft city for over a decade. I don't know what that means exactly. I've heard people talk about Minecraft, but Josh, you tell us what's he doing?

would he be building a Minecraft city for 10 years? What does that do for him or anybody else? I can't say I know a ton about it. My son plays sporadically, and sometimes I'll kind of get stuck watching him build forks and whatnot, whatever he's doing in there. I don't understand too much. Dana, you probably get it more than...

Yeah, I've never played it, but I get it. You're basically just built. You have blocks and you're building whatever you want to build. It's kind of a wide open sandbox. And I can imagine having a job as stressful as an NFL coach, just sitting down and unwinding, mindlessly playing Minecraft. probably pretty healthy for you. Yeah, shoot, I mean, that's a stressful

gig, that's not sure. Most of them just turned to booze and hookers. It's true. He said he started playing Minecraft to have something in common with his kids. But even when the kids weren't around, he kept playing this game. Now, he says, he's been building the same

city for 12 years and he's considering sharing this with the public. How much would it suck if there's some sort of glitch and it just ruins that? He's spending all that time on it. You hear that happening to people? Oh, yeah.

What happens? Like if, let's say there's some sort of technology problem at his house and the whole thing gets ruined. He spent 12 years of his life perfecting this. Yeah, hopefully he's got that backed up somewhere. I would hope he's got it back to it somehow. Oh, this person says their kid made a real-life replica of Walmart? Yeah. Oh, the stuff I saw was pretty basic.

Maybe that's just the skill level. Oh, I mean, you can take it anywhere you want to go from what I understand. Jesus, I can't help myself. Listen to some of these fantasy football team names that our listeners are sending in. My Purdy Dick Hertz? What? Come on. You're way better than that.

Randy, I'm going to give you some credit. If it's a choice between 34 fantasy football leagues and playing Minecraft, I'm going your way. There are things that would get Brad to do that. I can't see Bradson down firing up Minecraft. No. There's got to be a good one. Are you a gamer at all, Brad? Not really, no.

I mean, I used to when I was a kid play the, you know, the old Atari games and stuff like that, but the stuff now. What was the last system that you actually can remember sitting down and playing and getting into a game? Oh, boy. I mean, we, when my kids were little. Yeah. Okay. Do you ever play, like, Madden or an NHL game or something with your kids? A little bit, but not a whole lot.

Did you ever play Leisure Suit Larry? No. I've heard of that one. It was that kind of like a dirty game. Yeah, it was like in the first. first, like, dirty game back in the day. And looking back now, it's just comically stupid. But at the time, it was getting banned from stores.

Do you like four skin and inches, Nick? Four skin and inches? Oh, like fourth and inches. Yeah. It's way better than my, what did I just say? Way better than what I've said so far. Sure. Sure.

What's this say now? Just a few days before the start of his latest football season, Baker's Mayfield has agreed to continue working for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers organization. He's got a three-year deal, this and that. You guys, are you excited about that? Not really. Good for him. Yeah, good for him. I'm not sure if this information was available yesterday. I don't think so, but it is now. The Mid-American Conference has appealed the outcome of Saturday Night's game between Western Michigan

and the straight-up, full-on four-alarm University of Michigan, and they've asked the NCAA and college football to recognize the Western Michigan Broncos as the winner of that bargain.

They've sent all kinds of official, they've sent all kinds of official letters saying, we will not rest until you call us, call us the winners of the... They're not going to change that outcome. Nice winner.

for the twins last night. A 3-2 win in Detroit. Cody Clemens at a two-run rod in the sixth inning and that gave the boys the lead and they hung the hell on. Nice work from the bullpen to get it done. A game day, a day game today, we'll put a lid on this series and we're still hoping

for a miracle in the wild car standings. Well, they get Cleveland coming up this weekend starting Friday, Saturday, Sunday at Target Field. So they have a chance to clearly eat into that lead by the Guardians, who right now are the final wild card team.

So if they could catch a break today and cut that four and a half down to three and a half heading into the Cleveland series, they can make up ground really fast by sweeping that series, and then it's a whole new game. They need to go 13 and 4.

Yep, yep. They're going to have to, have so a lot of things happen. There's too many teams in front of them, unfortunately. However, that number of teams could be reduced quite a bit if the twins can sweep

Cleveland. That will change a lot of things. You got to sweep Cleveland. Yep. You got to win today. And then they get the Yankees. So Cleveland and the Yankees come to town, and those are wild card team number one and number three.

All right. All right, day game today out there in friggin' Michigan. Oh, the University of Minnesota men's basketball program went ahead and announced that forward slash guard slash all-around solid ball player Cade Tyson has rejoined the ball club for the upcoming season. Tyson was the Golden Gopher's leading scorer a year ago. So from what I understand, he's one of these kids where we thought it was all over with, but then somehow he was able to squeeze another year. of eligibility out of the NCAA. Yeah, it's just a mess. You just never know what's happening these days.

You don't. You really honestly don't. It's anybody's frigging guess. And, you know, LSU is not going to bring back any former NFL player. So that kind of nonsense is over with. That's not going to happen. But I think this is the last college basketball group, and maybe Brad can tell me or not,

that has the opportunity to. to come back. I mean, I don't think there's any other court proceedings or things where players have a chance to go back to school. Yeah, we're seven years post-COVID, so I think that that whole, you know, sixth year because of that is over now, I would think. I suppose, yeah, we've hit that point. That's a gang bang.

But, you know, this is really good for the Goferman's basketball team. You know, Kate Tyson is really good. a really player. I mean, this is a very positive thing for them. He is, yeah, he's solid. All right, the man bear pigs start training camp next week. What's going on there, man? Weird as all hell, Quinn Hughes.

What is going on? Quinn Hughes and Matt Boldy are in Nevada, representing the pigs at the 20-un't-26. NHL media tour, whatever that means. So, Weird Quinn will have a mic in his yap for the first time in a long time. Maybe he'll give some of you state a hockey hard-ons some type of idea as to what he's thinking as far as signing an extended deal to work here in Minnesota. Folks have been squirming in their seats over this Hughes kid for months.

I know one local pig's jock sniffer, he hasn't had a solid bowel movement. movement in months. Josh, he says it's all just like hot brown water. Yeah. We've all been there. Yeah, I know what that's like. And it's all because of this weird Quinn character with that freaking spooky looks he has on his faces all the time.

He can't get, he hasn't had a solid bowel movement wondering about this frigging kid. Making folks nervous. So maybe he says something on the microphone today at this silly media show. I can't imagine that the watch. Wild would willingly send, you know, because I'm assuming each team gets to choose the people that go out and represent them at this. I can't imagine the Wild would send him out there to do this if they didn't feel good about what he's going to say, if that makes sense. Yeah, right. I mean, you know, I think about it that way.

I mean, he could go out there and say, yeah, I'm not coming back. Right. Yeah, they wouldn't send him out there. That would be hilarious. It would be disasters. He may not tip his hand too much, but I think it's going to be fine. I mean, read between the lines, people. If they're going to send him out there to represent the team at this, it's probably going to be okay.

One listener is predicting that Quinn Hughes this afternoon will announce that he has signed a contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers. Oh, wow. Wouldn't that be something if every question he's asked, all he says is, I'm just here so I don't get suspended? Wasn't that the line by Pinkus? What was his name? Was it the fine? Find, yeah. Marshawn Lynch.

All right, so maybe you'll get something out of weird Quinn today. But maybe you won't get Dick Tracy. So I don't get fine so y'all can sit here and ask me all the questions y'all want to. I'm going to answer with the same answer so y'all can shoot if y'all please. I'm here so I won't get fine. What was he so pissed about that day? Does anyone remember? Just didn't want to be there.

He just didn't want to, yeah, answer any media question. Oh, hundreds of millions of dollars. Non-stop sex with college girls. Oh, poor Marshawn Lynch didn't want to talk into the microphone. Right? Grow a set of balls, will you? Do your job. Josh set off air a few minutes ago.

I heard it. You can hear it over there. Yeah, through the glass. That's how loud he was yelling. Amazing how many things I say and immediately forget. That's so dumb when these guys get all pissy. I don't want to talk. I remember Randy pulled that routine when he came back and was that 2010.

Wasn't going to talk to the media. Who? Randy boss. Yeah, sorry, I should be more specific there. Since there's a Randy on the show. Yeah, I don't remember that. But Randy would sit at his locker during the entire designated media time and just sit there and almost like daring somebody to come try and ask

him a question. Some reporters should have asked him. So exactly why are you here? Well, I remember Chris Long from Channel 5 went up to him and goes, hey Randy. They were playing the Packers. He goes, hey, Randy, you want to talk about the Packers? Nope. You want to talk about anything? Nope. All right, good talk. See you later.

I'm out. So Dana just said Randy and kind of left us hanging. He meant Randy Moss. We all assumed it could be some other Randy. just because we can, I have in front of me,

the top 10 most famous Randis to ever live. Jesus. The top 10 most famous Randies ever. You want to take any guesses who might jump, fall, place themselves in the top? I'll just give you the number 10, Randy Jackson. Oh, sure. I'd love it if Randy Marsh was on that list, but I'd imagine. He should be. He should be for sure.

Randy Jackson, who made himself famous on that one television show, which name I cannot think of at this time. American Idol. What about Randy Savage? Oh, that's a good Randy. Ororton. But Josh and I, being rock fans, we know that Randy Jackson first fell on to our radar when he was playing bass for Journey on the Raised-on Radio Tour. 86, 87.

That's pretty sweet. I'll be all right without you. Yeah. Huh. I did not know that here. Randy Rhodes? Is he on the list? The ninth most popular Randy to ever live.

Randy Jones, who they list here. Boy, I don't recognize him at all. Oh. Pitcher for the Padres? No. No. Randy Jones was in the village people. Yeah. I never knew they had real names.

Yeah. He was the cowboy in the village people, and they made all those hits in the late 70s and into the early 80s, I should say. Since I referenced the picture, how about Randy Johnson? Number eight. An American country music artist named Randy Houser. Never heard of the guy. Number seven is the macho man Randy Savage. Unbelievable career. One of the most influential television. Rasslers to ever jump into the squared circle. I was thinking like, if it was a country, you'd think like Randy Travis.

Randy Travis, maybe, huh? Number six on the list of the greatest and most famous Randis of all time is Randy Travis. Randy Travis. I'll be, what's that song again? I'm going to love you forever. Forever and ever, amen. Forever as long as old women, pardon me, as long as old men sit and talk about the weather. as long as old women sit and talk about old men.

Now we're into the top five most unbelievable randies who have ever lived. Number five is a character named Randy Harrison, who is a popular British drama actor. Okay. I don't recognize him. Oh, wait. He was in like a teeny-bopper show I've seen. Sometimes you've got to consider that maybe you're not familiar with some of these people.

It's okay. Coming in at number four, the aforementioned Apex Predator. Randy Orton. Number three, Big League pitcher Hall of Famer Randy Johnson. Number two, UFC fighter Randy Couture. Sure. And Josh, that friggin book report you put together in seventh grade was worth the trouble. Are you serious?

The number one greatest Randy to ever live is Randy Rhodes. Are you, that's what they put on there? Yes. That's great. He should be on that list. What about Randy Newman? Well, let me scroll backwards. Oh, I don't mean to pet.

No, no. I'm just throwing it out there. Randy Newman, the guy who sang those goofy songs like short people and whatnot? Yeah. Now I got to find out. Randy Quaid didn't make the top two, huh? Top two? Well, here, Randy Quaid's number 13.

Then you got Randy. That's awesome that Randy Rhodes is number one. Here's Randy Newman, the 19th greatest Randy to ever live. They say here that something smelled like unmitigated ass cheeks at the U.S. Open tennis tournament this past weekend. They've been having a lot of smell issues over there. Is it over? Did it already end? I don't follow tennis.

No, it's not over, no. Okay, so. I actually had a note here about that, but go ahead, finish. This is in New Jersey, I believe, right at Arthur Ash Tennis Stadium. so it's still going on. Okay, fine. Last weekend, folks who were at the tennis show, whatever you call it in the business, they say there was an unmistakable stench of human waste pouring up and down and this way and that,

sideways at the tennis stadium. Other folks said it smelled like really bad geoff, or you might say gunge. Yeah, there was one. One of the tennis ladies said, I'm not playing. We've got to stop this with the marijuana smell. This is terrible. Oh, really? She was overwhelmed by the smell of marijuana coming from the...

So folks are blaming this on poor ventilation from the overused bathrooms. And some folks are looking for their money back. That would suck. Brad, you said you had a thought on this situation? Yeah, I didn't anticipate you were going to miss up. But earlier this morning, I saw that they had a match last night, just last night, one of the men's quarterfinal matches ended at 3.41 a.m. Jeez.

Well, what time did it start? Well, 11, like 11 Eastern. And it was like the two best or two of the best, I'm not a tennis guy, so forgive me. But the two of the best American men players like going on right now. And they played at 11 p.m. last time in the match ended at 3.41 a.m. What? So if you, I mean, if this sport really wants to be serious, I mean, don't put your U.S. Open quarterfinals between two Americans on at 11 p.m. Eastern and

end at 3.41 in the morning. All right. Yeah. Anyway. Were there any live human beings still in their chairs? Well, there's a few people there the way it looks. Friends and family. You know, and you're talking about the bathrooms being overrun.

Well, of course, they're playing 24-7 at the place the way it looks. So. Yeah, when are they going to have time to get in there and clean them? Yeah. Well, F me. I'm sorry, I missed that. All right, gentlemen. A few people texted in wondering where Randy Bachman was on this list of the great Randy.

I'm sure he's in there somewhere. I also love Bachman Turner Overdrive. I saw Randy Bachman in concert a few years ago. One of the most fun experiences ever had in my life. So I'm right there with you. Randy Shaver, number one. It's too bad we don't have more time because I just went to AI and punched in Randy Shaver with this question.

And there's some interesting commentary by AI. Is that right? What question? The famous Randy's? Yeah. You know, I did the Who Our Famous Randi's and a list popped up, and then I scroll down and ask the question, I said, what about Randy Shaver? What was their answer? Yeah, what they

say? You want to hear this? Yeah. So it says, so if the question were most famous Randi's in Minnesota history, Randy Shaver would absolutely belong on the list, probably a long side Randy Moss. Wow.

That's a quite... And given the Minnesota sports world, I'd argue Randy Schaver is probably the first Randy many Minnesotans over 35 would think of after Randy Moss. What do you think about that, Shaver? I don't believe that.

All right. Now ask him about the Menards guy. Oh, I love the Menards guy. Ask the I about the Menards guy. How about who else? What about Dick and Rico? The Boschwitz brothers. I don't know.

I'm trying to come up with... I was Rudy. That wasn't Randy. Local celebrities. Oh, Fancy Ray. Oh, Fancy Ray McCloney. McCluny, whatever. We love that guy.

We'll talk to you, Jay Brones, later. See you. Thanks, Randy and Brad. We'll be back with more here in a few minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition.

I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that. guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140.40 if you add the AC tune-tune up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard-Heating and air-conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode.combo. WCFB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus.

See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawalable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions.

The Half-Ass Morning Show, 93X. Thank you so very much. We thank you for joining us here on the Dam. 93x half-ass morning show. We're doing our best to crane kick our way through another day, just like the rest of you is. Here we are at 832. 8.30 F me running too.

Hope you're all doing well. You know, we talked a little bit about that godforsaken artificial intelligence, Mambi-Jambi. We did talk a little bit about that earlier on this morning. Here's something for you single people. says here now, artificial intelligence can now run a background check on anyone you ask them to. So before you go out on a first date or just go to some Randos apartment at 4 a.m. for mutual masturbation, you can look them up and find out if you're dealing with a chicken F or a killer on to loose or whatever the hell the case may be.

Has anyone done that for a first date? Oh, absolutely. You have. No, I just creeped, but never a background check. Excuse me, I've never used AI, but I've had... Well, yeah, not AI, but just looked up backgrounds. I have a friend that would do it for me. Like an actual background check?

I don't know if it was ever an actual background check, but you'd find out that they had, like, court records and stuff. In some cases, they did. Fair enough. Yeah. How was the date? It was fun for a while. So what was your threshold?

What did they have to do? If they had court cases, what's the one where you thought, I'm staying away from that? Um, once there's a gal I was dating. She messaged me on Instagram. We started hanging out. She was a lot of fun, but very crazy. And then once she found out that my friend found out that this girl I was with had multiple domestic disputes and stuff like that, domestic violence where she was the guilty party.

Then I kind of like, all right, I'm, you know, a parking ticket. Maybe, you know, people make mistakes. But that one's I'm going to stay away from. You came awful close to getting your ass kicked. I did. So wait a minute. You did date a. couple of women, even though they had some red flag court case type thing happening?

Sure, yeah. And one of them was this domestic violence queen. Stayed away from that one. Yeah, I would too. Well, then I also had her look up, obviously, my now wife, before the first date, and she goes, I don't know, something seems suspicious about her. I'm like, what do you mean? What's on there? She goes, nothing.

Absolutely nothing. Too clean? Not even a parking ticket. She's too clean, damn. She's hiding something. So you had a friend look it up for you, huh? Yep. Now, some of you might be saying, this is nothing new.

People have been Googling like we were just talking about. Dana didn't use AI. He just had a friend Google the name of these potential dates or, like I said, mutual masturbation partners. It says here, this is a little more, what's the word I'm looking for? Invasive? Thorough? Thorough, thank you. That's kind of where I was, yes, a little more thorough.

They say when you Google someone, sure, that can work, but it can be tricky for people with common names. Sure. Where I guess with AI, they can find out exactly who it is you're dealing with. Even if their name is Mary Smith or John Jones, and there's thousands of those out there, AI is a little more. a little more detailed about it and can find who it is you're ready to go out on a date with. The service is called Stud or Dud, and it uses AI to see if there's any dirt on their potential partners. I just used generic AI, so not this app or whatever they got going on, to see if they could figure out anything about me.

and everything is very I guess basic. It made sure like, hey, are you referring to this, Ashley? Is this the correct one? And I said yes.

And then, yeah, it just says like stuff you would normally find on like my LinkedIn account. It does mention, it's funny, it does mention that

some people that listen to the show do not like me. Now I'm afraid to type my name in. It's quite a few people from what I understand. What else? But it, Yeah, it says like I don't really have much.

It couldn't find any red flags, that I don't have anything that I've been in jail for. Just basically that I went to college. Wait a minute. Are you saying you went to jail, but it missed that? No, no, no, no. I never went to jail. So, yeah, it said there's like no red flags. Instead, all it really knows about me is mostly just 93x related.

Did it mention that you've been married once or twice? No, it didn't. Which is interesting because there are. Like, you can easily find that out online. All right. So stud or dud is this new AI app to help folks figure out who they're dealing with before they go out on a date or hook up for unprotected sex. And this kind of plays into what Ashley was just saying. It uses data from peoplefinders.com.

I don't know what that is, but there you go. It uses data from peoplefinders.com. which is a website that collects public records on folks. It says here, including marriages, family, criminal records, bankruptcies, tax liens, social media accounts. And you mentioned LinkedIn. LinkedIn is something that peoplefinders.com will find for you. All you need is the person's name or phone number to run this artificial intelligence search. Some think, Josh, that this is excessive for someone you're just meeting for a date.

Yeah. But then again, others would say you can never be too careful. Ashley, did you ever mess around with those, are we dating the same guy pages on social media? I used to be on one on Facebook because I thought it was funny. And in case it produced any show material. But then it just got really annoying, so I left it. Gotcha. Are we dating the same guy?

He ignored my text last night or something. stupid and it's like, okay, we don't need to put this guy's face on blast just because you were disappointed. Yeah, I heard it started out a certain way, like you said, and then all of a sudden some guys were getting unfairly picked on that had, none of it was true.

Yeah, exactly. That turned out to be a disaster, right? They were lawsuits involved. Fingering some dudes and calling them dirty cheaters, and they had absolutely none of that going on. I mean, friggin, again, don't make me lose my effing mind on social media all over again, because I do it about every other

as it is. Unlike Googling somebody, this AI background check, stud or dud, unlike Googling, it isn't free. There are several different pricing tiers ranging from just $5 all the way up to 20. And so I think it's safe to say that the more money you turn over to stud or dud, the deeper the dive, at least the hope is the deeper the dive they'll go into this individual's background to find out if you're going to be strangled to death on that first date or not. Dana, did you know that divorced decrees are a public record and could be posted online? Sure do. You're aware of that?

Yeah, do you know how I know? I think you told me how you know. I think you know how all that works. That's just wonderful. How much you've paid for your house is up there too. I don't know. How much Dana's paid for us? No, how much I have.

How much me and my husband paid for our house that we live in? Actual information. Yeah, I guess that's public information. There are other folks texting in on this subject saying there's plenty of court records, websites that feature court records, criminal backgrounds, jail records. There are websites that strictly deal with those subjects that are free and you can just cut to the chase and find out if your date or hookup is or was incarcerated or in real trouble for something violent or disgusting. Sure, you can always go that route and just check the court records and prison rosters and things like that.

I don't know. I was trying to think, like, what would I do if my wife left me and I started dating again, which I doubt I would do. I know what we would do. But you go ahead. One big ass spree, Josh. Yeah, right. I probably would Google someone, but I don't think I'd go for a paid service.

I think I'll just figure it out. I just assume if it was bad enough, it's probably on Google. Would you maybe search the court records thing like I was just saying? I think I'd just enter a Google search. I'd feel kind of like I was invading privacy if I went that far. I don't know. Maybe that's a silly way to look at it. No, I get what you mean.

I mean, here's the thing. If somebody has bankruptcy, that's their issue. You know, that's, I don't need to try. Here's the thing. I'm kind of excited if I were suddenly a single guy again. And Josh, you always say that whole, I don't even know what I do I legitimately don't. I know exactly what we're going to do.

So just leave it to me. You've got a plan? I've had it in mind what to do with you when you become single again since the day you met your wife. So here's the thing. If I became single again, I don't know. I totally understand all this stuff. You're a little worried.

You don't want to get choked to death in the woods like you see on all those true crimes. But I would be excited. If someone's a crackpot or an ex-con or a dangerous maniac, I kind of want to find out face-to-face on that dinner date. Maybe they got a good reason for it. Who knows? I know what you're saying. That's a life experience that you can't fake.

I've been on a couple of dates where I was legitimately frightened of the lady across. I want nothing to do with that, man. Well, see, I thrive on that. But I'm also a woman. It built character and it made for great stories. So I'm willing to roll the dice, Josh. I want to see the madness unfold face to face, not on my computer screen. I know what you're saying.

Yeah. Because there are times where you do your best to hide a gulp. You try not to do it in front of the person, but I'm thinking they're going to see on my face. I'm absolutely shocked by some. Remember that gal I told you about where we were having like this weird tug of war in the cab of my pickup? where I went in for a kiss and she backed away like I was holding a knife. And I said, well, wait, and then next thing you know, she's tearing at my zipper. And I said, now we're talking.

And then she backed away again. And I'm thinking, what? And I said, get out of my car. I'm so glad that that happened. So now I have the stories to tell. Dana and Ashley, I don't know if you ever heard this, but, you know, it was fun. We had fun when we were both single. And you were dating somebody very seriously.

I was dating my wife and knew I. I wanted to get engaged, right? And so I thought, Nick is moments away from getting engaged. And I came in. I'm like, hey, I did it. I proposed last night. We're going to get married. He's like, oh, yeah, I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday.

I also said, what? We couldn't time this out better. You thought we would be like those two girls that get pregnant at the same time. Yeah, I thought we're going to be in parallel our whole lives. Help each other plan the wedding. Yeah, maybe have a dual wedding or something. He says, yeah, I got it done. I'm engaged.

And I said, oh, Jesus, congratulations. And he kind of looked at me like, I was going to say something. And I said, yeah, I gassed that relationship yesterday. Yeah, it's over. It was like a sitcom. I really did think, oh, we're going to buy houses right next to each other and mow the law next to each other. She had your life plan. You're so adorable.

I dumped her. Man, you left him hanging. Oh, Susie? Yeah, no, I dumped her last night. That's a gulp I don't think I hid. I was completely shocked. Remember the gal I told you about there was a blind date

and she said, oh, you'll know me when you walk into the bar. Oh, my God. Because, you know, we're on the telephone and we're going to have this blind date at a bar. And I said, well,

how would I spot you? Oh, you'll know me when you see me. And I said, oh, yeah? Uh, yeah. A lot of folks tell me I look like Lindsay Lohan. And I said to myself, well, word life. Perfect for you.

I did 17 laps around that bar that night, Josh, and I didn't see a man or a woman who looked anything like Lindsay Lohan. I found the gal that I was there to meet, but I found no one in the bar who looked anything like Lindsay Lohan. That's funny. This wasn't a date situation. She looked like Bob Lertzima. Oh.

Hey, I love bench warmer Bob. Who doesn't? Ever hear him speak? He's an incredible speaker. Of course, yes. I mean like a speech. Incredible speaker. There was a woman I was, it was a work-related thing.

You ever tried to kiss Bob Lertzima? No. He's too tall for me. It's tough. I'd have to get on a stepping stool. A woman that was a work thing and she's like, you know, a lot of people tell me I look just like Jennifer Garner. So if you see, see me, you know who it is. She looked more like today James Garner.

Oh. James Garner. Definitely not Jennifer. I didn't see that at all. So, I mean, just like you, I walked around trying to find this person. Oh, my God. I made myself dizzy walking around that bar. Lindsay Lohan, anybody?

Lindsay, anyone see anyone who looks like Lindsay Lohan? Half a beer. That's how long that date lasted. Oh. Half a beer. Half a beer. You walked away from a beer. So long.

Got plenty of that at home, Ashley. I know. So long, Lindsay Lohan. I at least always finish the drink. Speaking of all that online. dating and such. Here's a guy by the name of Paul. And he went on the social media. And he posted his online dating profile and everyone's all bothered by Paul. They think he's a dick. They think his list of demands for a potential lover are ridiculous. Let me see, let's see if a cubby

and this guy would be compatible. I'm going to read off this guy's list of demands for a potential sex partner, lover. And we'll see Josh if you... I think you got a chance at this. Now that I'm looking at the demands, I think you and this guy might be compatible. Oh, like I could date him? Yeah.

Oh, okay. I thought you meant like see if the two of us match up on our demands. No, no, no, no. He has a list of demands, what he wants from a partner. I'm going to mention them and we'll see if you... Because I think you could be

exactly what he's looking for. I think he's looking for. I think you just squeezed by this first demand. Paul wants his next sex partner to be taller than 5-9. I'm not taller than 5-9. What are you? Like 5-9 and an 8th on a good day? Well, that's taller than 5-9.

Oh, I guess it is taller than 5-9. I guess that counts. Everything's coming up, Josh. Since when do I straighten you out on arithmetic? Yeah, I didn't think the 8th counted. You're taller than 5-9. He wants his partner to make more than $100,000 a year. I'm out.

We all know that's not true. You're a very rich man. So far, I think you're looking good. Must be 100. That doesn't make any sense. Must be under a... Must be under a hundred is what I'm trying to say. And 25 pounds?

I'm over. Under 125 pounds at over 5'9. That math doesn't really math. No, that makes... That's a very... very skinny person. Yeah, she's in trouble. Yeah, that needs to help me.

I'm going to say you're close enough because you only weigh like 140. 145, but yeah. Close enough. I still think you and this guy are on a path. I don't know. He's going to point out that extra 20 pounds, Josh. He's going to give you a look when you order dessert. But here's the thing people.

So far Josh is taller. This is a guy who put his demands for a lover on social media, his dating profile. And we're trying to see if Josh could be his new partner. So far, you're taller than 5'9. You make a pile of money. Says here, it must be under 125 pounds. Here's the thing. All Josh has to do is find something new to worry about,

and you will shed those 20 pounds in a week. Yeah, that's true. That is a very good place. There was a time I was worried about you. I lost 10 pounds in like seven days. You're still in. Yeah. Must be lovable.

funny. No guy friends. You got that nailed. What about his friend Mike? He doesn't have any... Michael. I am as Josh's only real guy friend and we're more, these days, more like, we more behave like coworkers. You lost the star. You're still there. No guy friends. He doesn't want his partner to have limited girlfriends. Yeah, you have none of those. I don't think I have one. No pets, no kids. Well, Ashley, I'll con Ashley. All right, no pets. You guys are coworkers. No pet. No pet. No kids. Got both of those.

But how attached are you to those characters? It's kind of hit or miss. I think you're still in the running. Less than five previous partners? I've got more than that. I got more. Oh. I'm not bragging.

I'm just saying. Must be moderate in political views. Oh, you're radical as hell. I'm way out there, man. I can't stop talking about it. You're always out there on the street with the picket sign and screaming in people's faces. I love to argue politics.

Remember when you tried to kick that 17-year-old's ass at Home Depot for making you wear a mask when you went in there to. I don't care if it's your policy and you just work here. You must be available for sex at least six days a week. I'll make time. At least six. The seventh day you go do your thing. You can rest on the seventh day.

You must be a gamer. You like video games? I'm not really. I don't play any games. Here's where you're in trouble. He wants a lover who is at least a nine out of ten. Yeah, it doesn't qualify. You're like a high four.

Tops. Four and an eighth. And then he wants a partner under 22 years old. Well, you look young. Yeah, I'm way over that. This is funny. So once this dude posted all of these demands, people had some funny comments. Like I said, the general social media.

turned on him and said he was acting like a deck. Yeah, that's pretty rude. I mean, just I think saying you have demands when you're looking for a significant other, that's bad enough. One individual said, this whole thing is like the national anthem of red flags. That's funny.

Another said he clearly typed this from his mother's basement. Yep. How many people under the age of 22 make over $100,000 a year? Someone else lost enough. Many. Another person said, I don't catfish much, but this guy seems like I would catfish him. I find that funny and I still don't really understand the definition of catfish.

Mantaito, that famous story? I don't know. That was wild. That's where I first learned about any of that. Yeah. That's where a lot of people first learned about it, but I just learned about that whole situation like a year ago. Did you watch the documentary on Netflix? It's so sad.

I feel so bad for him the whole time. I think the prick had it coming. Okay, let's wrap it up, Cubby. All right, yeah, before we go, a couple of shoutouts. Right now I'm just stalling until I get to the shoutouts. Here we go. Happy birthday to Rock Crusher Jesus from the wife and kids. And Rex Cuando Jesus checked in with a shout out to his little sidekick, Goose, on her fifth birthday.

93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well.

Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com.