93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Mus-kie TV

Episode Date: February 11, 2026

Originally Aired February 11, 2026: Scottish subway milk and cereal duck man. Getting naked at a theme park. Everything you wanna know about deadly kite festivals.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

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I think we're on to something special. So let's go ahead with this one. Welcome to the 93X half-ass morning show. Hell, it's Wednesday already. And we hope you're doing just wonderful. Absolutely warm. You've been keeping it real since the last time I saw you, Josh? Definitely.

Good. No complaints over here. I'd like to thank the listeners again who sent us nice texts about 27 years as a morning show together yesterday. And then also our coworkers surprised us with a little party right after the show. They tricked us. They said it was going to be a company meeting. And a little behind the scenes note here, off air yesterday. Both Nick and Ashley said they will be skipping that company meeting.

They didn't want to go to the company meeting, but it turned out to be a real nice thing they did for us. Very sweet. Yeah, that was really cute of them. And after, you know, they were like, yay, good job. I was talking to some sales staff. And I was like, so is this the meeting? Is this what the, right? You're trying to plan and escape?

I wanted to make sure, like, do we have an actual meeting to do now, or are we good? Well, that was very cool, very unexpected. Five words for you, Cubby. What's that? Sheet F me running cake. Yeah, you're a sweet. Sweets guy, and I saw you're pretty excited about it. I was so glad that you ate some because I didn't want any at nine in the morning,

and I was like, one of us has to eat some cake. They grabbed us a sheet cake, and I think I ate two pieces at the party and brought three home with me. Was your wife pretty excited? She also has that sweet tooth. She loves sheet cake if we go to a high school graduation party or any kind of an event. Yeah. And there is not cake. you can physically see how aggravated she is.

There's some more if you want to take more home. Where is it? It's in the promotions room, that big room. I'm taking the rest of it home after the show today. You're right, Josh. That was very nice. We thank everyone in the building for surprising us with that. I also thought it was cute how they're like, all right, let's cut the cake.

And all of you guys are like, Ashley, can you do this please? And I thought about that on my way home. I didn't even hesitate. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me do the cutting. I've never cut a cake. I haven't either. No, now to think about it.

A lot of folks don't even like me to be in charge of the pizza because I can't get the shapes right. There's too much geometry there. You dominated, Ashley. Thank you. And with that cake, too, it was sitting on a table and they had us, had Nick and Josh pick it up. You guys had carried over to this wall we have with a bunch of decorations

behind for a nice picture. And you guys were both so nervous. And I was, too, because all I could pictures is at seeing the office where Kevin's bringing his chili, his homemade vat of chili, and spills it everywhere. That's all I could picture while that was happening. It's one of the best episodes. That was funny.

And I don't appreciate you bringing that up yesterday because then all of a sudden I was more nervous than I had been originally. I know. It was so stupid to me to bring it up in the moment. I should have waited because that just put even more pressure on you not to dump that sheetcake upside down on the carpet. Now, what I didn't realize at the time, I guess they were taking photos,

and Nick and I did pose for one. I thought that was going to be like a keep that in the building thing, Yeah, me too. Anytime they post photos online, I get destroyed because I can't take a good picture. You actually got a lot of compliments yesterday, Josh. It was good. Yeah. Was it good?

I didn't see the picture. I'm so proud of you. Your eyes were open. That's what so many people were saying. We're like, Josh took a good one for once. This is awesome. Oh, maybe because I didn't know it was going online. Yeah, maybe that's it.

Maybe that's the difference. Although sometimes they've surprised me before, so I guess that's not it. But yeah, thanks again. I mean, so many people were so cool to us yesterday, both people texting in and then our co-workers. That was awesome. And the comments on social media are overwhelmingly positive, which is awesome. So many people giving you guys love for the 27-year run you've been on.

Well, much appreciated. Here's a text message just came in. They didn't do Dick Tracy for you guys on your 20th or your 25th, but the 27th is the special number. That's awesome. That's because we bitched. I did tell my husband yesterday, because you looked great in that photo, Josh, but I looked like I just woke up from like a seven-week nap.

And I told my husband, I was like, well, you know, it's cool that it was a surprise, but I wish I had some warning. So, I mean, that was a day I decided to wear sweatpants to work. And he was like, well, you knew it was their anniversary. I said, yeah, but no one has ever done anything for their anniversary before. So I figured it was going to be the same situation. Yeah, we don't even really plan anything for it. You know what it was, Ashley, the look on your face must have been.

And like I said, I haven't seen the photos. But I bet it was what you were just describing earlier. So do we have to go to a meeting or what? That's probably the face you had. Well, that was a popular topic after kind of the celebration kind of was kind of dying down. So like, all right, so when's this meeting going to start? Oh, really? Oh, a lot of people were asking me.

Like, so was this the meeting? Was this? What are we doing? Yeah, exactly. It was a beautiful thing. Yeah, very, very kind. It would have been funny if they had celebrated the show 27 years, cake, bagels, coffee, you know, everything.

And then they said, all right, we got a meeting. We had to let go so-and-so, so-and-so, so-and-so-and-so. Anytime they call a last-second meeting, that's what you assume. Exactly. Yep, that's kind of how it goes. Oh, I would have preferred to watch someone get fired at our anniversary party. That would have been. That is fun.

All right, you bastards. It was an exciting day yesterday. Slow night for me personally. I know you folks are into multiple different television series and whatnot. not into that vibe. I rely on our local ball clubs for my evening entertainment. And there wasn't Dick last night for that. So I tried to dial into some of those Olympic games on my television. Oh, nice. There was a ski race or two. There was figure skating, specifically men's individual figure skating, which is my favorite. I didn't know they did that. It really didn't grab me.

You have a favor? Okay. It didn't really grab me. Did you see any ski jumping? No, just what I mentioned. A ski race, just sliding down a hill, and then individual men figure skating. We went out last night and where we were at had the Olympics on and there was like speed skating, which looked pretty cool. And then saw some ski jumping, which Ashley just learned about the other day, which was hilarious.

Yes. I must have had it on the wrong channel because I, uh, I didn't see any of what you just mentioned, Josh. Yeah, they had like, so is it on multiple channels? I don't know. I think so. It must be because they had several TVs and there was on different things, like different sports were going.

Yeah, and Peacock, you can fire it up. They have what's called like the gold medal zone or something, and that's where it just kind of bounces around to whatever is the most important thing happening at that moment. Oh. It's kind of fun. I watched curling yesterday live and I watched the U.S. women's hockey live yesterday. Yeah, they didn't have that on.

So maybe we just wanted to, what time was that game at? The game was out of one or two and the curling was at 11 a.m. live. But I think they do replay them at night then for the prime time audience. Dana's watching curling at 11 a.m. The U.S. had a chance for gold. That's awesome. That stuff just pours the hell out of me. And now the people that won, aren't they siblings?

Yeah, they're siblings. Like brother and sister? Uh-huh. Here are events that people wish were part of the Winter Olympics. and we start with ice climbing. That sounds like a good way to get killed dead within three, four minutes. I mean, I don't exactly know what ice climbing is, but I wouldn't want to try it. Ice is very slippery, and when you add the word climbing into the mix,

that leads me to believe that there are heights involved. I imagine just climbing a frozen mountain. I'm picturing somebody climbing an ice. Pond hockey or outdoor hockey. Yes, that'd be cool. But nobody, like it has to be like beer league type stuff, though. I want some amateurs out there. 50 and up.

Yeah. Okay, then I'll go along with it. Outdoor hockey, I played enough of that when I was a kid. Outdoor hockey's stupid, in my opinion. It's too cold. Yeah, I wouldn't support it a friend who was, playing in the Nacomis tournament a couple years ago, the ice hockey national championships.

Pretty damn boring. Outdoor hockey, we don't need that anymore. We've got every town has got 11 rinks now, right? Yeah. We don't need that anymore. It was a necessity when I was a kid. I still played regular outdoor games up until I was a banam, you know, because we did not have all the rinks in town that we do now.

So I'm going to say no to outdoor hockey. I still don't understand why people pay a dime to go to a baseball park in February and watch an NHL game from a mile away when it's 31 below zero. But pond hockey, Ashley, your idea to do beer league 40 and up? Okay, let's do that in the Olympics. Snowmobile racing? You got the X games for that. Yeah, exactly. But sure, put it in the Olympics.

I enjoy that kind of stuff a lot. Well, I don't know the answer to this question. But would the X-Games people, the type of people who love the X-Games, do you think they'd be really proud to see Snowmobile racing added to the Olympics? Or do you think they'd say, no, no, no, we don't want it in the Olympics. We want it all special belonging to a- I could see that. You see what I'm saying?

Do X-Games people think of the Olympics as a higher echelon? And do they want to see those sports become Olympic games? I don't know. Maybe they want things to stay the way they're. I think Sean White and those guys were pretty damn excited when snowboarding came into the Olympics a few years back. Well, I think the idea of representing your country is pretty sweet. Oh, there you go. I forgot about that.

For whatever reason. That's a huge part for people. I forgot about that aspect of the Olympics where you were. Oh, wait a minute, though. Don't they do that in the X games too? Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. I think when once snowboarding went from, you know, they still doing the X games when they leveled it up the Olympics.

I think everybody's pretty excited in the X games crowd about it. but in both games they represent their country. They do in the X games? That's what I'm asking. Oh, I don't know. If they do. I think the X games is just one all for one, one for all type of thing. Dog sled racing.

Yes. Yeah. Some people don't like that. Some people don't like that dog sled racing. They think it's mean. The dogs like it. That's like their instinct. That's like saying it's mean to hunt a hunting dog.

You see, Ashley, you don't need to tell me. I've heard this a million times But there are some people You can't convince them that the dogs enjoy it Oh my gosh So I'm just saying I don't know what the true answer is Dogs don't tell us

They look like they're having a blast They look like they're having a good time What about like Snoop Dog and Lil Bow Wow racing I'd watch those guys for some dog racing Oh dog racing I bet Snoop Dog could still Leg one out if he needed to Why? He might have to pull over to cough a couple times

He's got quite the stride on him. Oh, yeah. He's a long-legged. That's so true. Long-gate. He's a long-legged individual. Dog racing, dog sled racing, sorry, to be specific. I don't know.

To me, it looks like the dogs are having a good time. But others just, they think it's disgusting. That'd be cool to do, like, straight-up dog racing. Like in the Summer Olympics, you have little corgis out there. They get little gold medals. Well, if it's going to be an Olympic event, then the dogs need to represent the origin that they came from. So then here in America, we would have, what, a golden retriever?

Yeah, me, laugh? Maybe a Labrador? I don't know what dogs originated here. Did any? I have no idea. But they mentioned the corgi, that's what? English? Welsh?

I don't know. German. The doxins would represent. Germany. That'd be so great. Or a German Shepherd. Ice fishing? Somebody wants ice fishing in the Olympics.

You know what? Right before this came up, Moon Pie Jesus said Olympic ice fishing would be must-see TV. Well, that would be fun in theory to have a big beer-bellied American, you know, holding up the Olympic gold medal walleye, right? And then a sad Russian and a sad Swiss guy, you know, on the podium, wishing that they would have won the gold medal. But could you watch that?

It would have to be a condensed version of it. Very condensed. You couldn't watch it live. There's a cam inside an ice house. It's just sitting there watching them like take a nap for a little bit, drink a couple beers. Fat guy with a jig stick, right? You're watching live. You watch him kind of just lift the cheek to fart.

He takes a drink out of his beer. He has a bowl of chili. The speed skating marathon. Oh, man. That sounds... I know. I'm exhausted just thinking about that. No kidding.

Better than a regular marathon. At least you're gliding on ice. Yeah. There's a chance of falling. That's always fun to watch. Yeah. Then we see the highlight of the cross-country skier that did a sub-six-minute mile uphill. Oh.

So running a mile under six minutes is impressive as hell. This woman skied up or cross-country skied uphill under six minutes for a mile. That was insane to watch. Yeah, I saw somebody. he like reposted that and said I watched this while, or I watched this while eating a Dairy Queen Blizzard on my couch. It would be great to put behind that. The Price is Right yodeling guy. Oh, yeah.

When he's climbing up that mountain. I loved that game. That was a fun one. Everybody loved that yodeling. Or something climber? Whatever it was called, but the yodeling character on the Price is right. A listener is texted in. You can always get a hold of us, 6-5-1, 9-8-9-9-e-e-e-e-e.

93. That's the Luther Bloomington Kiot-Texline. A listener taxied in to say Olympic ice fishing would be great. But we don't want to give those douchebag bass fishermen any more attention than they already have. This person here says if they had Olympic ice fishing, that'd be Musky TV. I'm so jealous. I didn't come up with that. That's genius. That is so good. You friggin' prick. You're good, man. Very good. ski ballet. Now, in parentheses here, this entry into sports events, people wish were in the Winter Olympics. After they printed ski ballet in parentheses, it says, bring it back.

So this must be something that at one point or another existed in the Olympic Games. I have no idea. It looks hilarious. Well, you know, I watched figure skating last night. That's, you know, it's pretty much dancing. There's an offshoot of figure skating that was mentioned last night. Is it called ice dancing? Yeah.

Ice. It's called ice dancing? Ice dancing. That's pretty much ice ballet, right? Seems one and the same. With a different name. Snow kiting. This is sweet.

Yeah, I'd watch that for sure. I think I've seen that on a lake in my neighborhood. Dickhead skis on his feet on the frozen lake, parachute over his head in the wind, tugs him across the lake. Yep. That's exactly it. That looks so scary. I would like to watch, not ever participate in something like that.

I don't know how to ski or fly a kite, so I don't think I'd be very good at the two of them combined. Jesus, one night when me and Big Al were about 30 years old, we got drunk, went outside, because the wind was blowing about 76 miles per hour. We went out and flew a kite. That does sound like a blast, actually. Did you get it up? Oh, geez. I really stepped in one there.

I just wanted to give it some time there. Just wanted to give it some time. Dana, we were hammered. And all the credit goes to Big Al. We were at some beer party, and he found a kite. And the wind was just, it was like severe weather that night. So we go outside, and I mean, my arms and Al's arms were completely. Tense holding this the kite string, the kite line, whatever.

I ain't kidding you. If there had been an airplane coming into town, we would have pulled it down to the ground. That's how high. You could barely even make it out. I could not believe what we had accomplished that evening. It was the stupidest, but yet one of the more fun evenings I've ever had, two 30-year-olds out there. And they were just like, ah, I was like, all your upper strength to carry that.

Those kite, some of those kite festivals we've heard about over the years where they kill people, they have to ban them in certain part of the countries. Like they'll coat the string and glass or metal, and there's throats that get slid. Or people chasing the kites into traffic. What? So I was just looking up some of those. India last year, 22 fatalities, 2,500 injuries. It's starting a nice day at the kite festival.

You have to explain this to me. I don't understand. Well, like I said, they chase kites into traffic. They're not paying attention. So they get hit by cars or they have these, you know, the strings. They just line. Like there's some metal strings and stuff like that for whatever the strategy is. Oh, oh.

And it's slitting throats. Oh, dude. 2023 in India, six people, including three children killed by slit throats, 176 injured. They should probably not do those. Pakistan and 2007, 11 deaths, including those killed by the wire strings and celebratory gunfire.

This is, I'm sorry, I misunderstood. At first I thought the intent was to kill each other. No, I'm just saying people are dying from some of these. So the wiring that they use is so sharp and so dangerous and they're... And so here's some other things. They say because they have these metal-coated strings, some people have touched overhead power cables and they're electrocuted.

Al and I were worried about that. What's going on? People try and get an advantage by going up on a roof and then falling because they're not paying attention. I'll have to look. I have to read about this myself. This is, uh, we've talked about that before? Yeah, yeah, we've had it in the stupid news. I don't know how I'm going to go out, but I really hope it's not at a kite festival.

Yeah, you're not expecting something like that. It seems like something little kids would be doing. Right. They'd just be looking up in the sky eating cotton candy or something. Then next thing you know, your head's cut off. Nice little picnic at the kite festival. And then you're dead. We were talking about sports that people wish were in the Winter Olympics.

Now, the next two, I don't know what they are. Free ride skiing and free ride snowboarding. Maybe someone can look that up because I've never. Oh, I think that's where they don't groom the mountain. Oh. I think it's just you just get on there. How often do you groom the mountain? Oh, probably once a month.

Well, maybe a little longer than that, now that I'm older. I think that's what it is. You are correct. About how often I groom? No. Yes. Okay. So you're skiing down a hill or you're snowboarding down a hill that nobody swept up like they do with those big sweep-up machines.

Pretty sure that's what it is. Yeah, just untouched mountain. Dude. All right, I'm completely against this idea because they bring up that crashed ice. crap. One of the dumbest events I've ever. I knew you'd like that part. Frozen Lake

Endurance Swimming. Oh, man. Yeah, put those people that do those like Cold Plunge things. Put them in there. There's a reason why they get in out of the drink in two seconds at the cold plunge, right? Because it'll kill you dead. Oh, yeah, I did that once and it was unpleasant to say the least.

I forgot. Did you dress up? Josh, like some people do? No. No. Yeah, who at the radio station talked you into that? An old, old, old promotion director. I mean, I was happy to do it. It was like a charity thing. And I thought, I can handle cold, but it was far more cold than I had anticipated.

And also, I didn't realize there was a bit of a rivalry between people who just jump in, like plunge. And they had stairs there if you wanted, which I had no, I'd never heard of that before. But some of the folks that just jump in were ripping on the folks that kind of walk in there with the stairs. Kiss my ass. It's for charity. You don't have enough meat on your bones for that. I was cold for a while. It took me a while to find the mountain you were talking about.

I was going to say how long it would take for anything to snap back. It was a molehill. It took two and a half years. Not a chance in hell. Even to save my own life, I'm not jumping into a, I'm not doing an ice plunge. When I was 16 years old, I thought I'll be cute to jump into someone's swimming pool on New Year's Eve. And to this day, I remember the horrible feeling of that cold water. Yeah, I've had hypothermia twice.

It's not a good time. Twice. How the hell does a guy get hypothermia twice? I jumped into a lake off a pontoon much, much earlier in the season than I probably should have, and the boat kept going, so it took me well to get back in. Major hypothermia. The one time it was a sporting event in Denver, and in Denver, the weather is so unpredictable. It was supposed to be like 65 and sunny.

All of a sudden, the snowstorm came in. It was not prepared for whatsoever. And it was like that wet snow. So everything I was wearing was just soaking wet. And by the time we got back to the bar, I couldn't stop shivering. I had to go back to my buddy's place and lie under every single blanket they had. It was miserable. I have a frost-bitten nipple.

Do you? When it gets cold outside, it bothers me at times. I was trying to be, you know, have fun as a kid and jump into a snowbank with my shirt. it off. That was miserable. It was stupid. Being cold is my least favorite. It happens to me so easily these days.

Okay, people have been texting in other ideas for Winter Olympic Sports, frozen pole licking. Done that. Up at the crack of dawn, Jesus, how about snowball fighting? Oh, yeah. I'd watch the heck out of that. I'm surprised we haven't seen that on that wacky ESPN channel. What are they called? The Ocho? Huh?

The Ocho? Yeah. Yeah, snowball fights. Skiball. Well, I don't know. It doesn't really have a wintory vibe to me. That's cool, though. I mean, sure. I used to love ski ball when I was a kid.

I suck at it. Getting pulled on a set of skis by a horse? Sure. Yeah, that sounds fun. Shotgun Messiah Jesus says skiers racing each other while being pulled by a snowmobile. That sounds cool. One listener wants to. know if ski ballet is anything like spandau ballet.

If so, it's a one-hit wonder. So true. Funny how it seems. Always in time. I like that song. But everybody likes that song. In line for dreams. Take it, Cubby.

I don't know lyrics. Head of her heels are toe to toe. This is the sound of my soul. Let's wrap this up. Winter Olympics, sports that people wish, events that people wish were in the Winter Olympics. Snow rugby and snow volleyball. Skip the rugby.

Go ahead with the volleyball. Oh, really? I'd rather watch the rugby. I don't get it. I've never been able to watch rugby for more than two seconds. I don't get it. I don't fully understand the rules either. And this was brought up yesterday.

Street luge on ice. Street luge. Yeah. A listener texted in yesterday and said him and his buddies used to lay belly first down on the old metal runner sleds when they were kids and on icy nights in the winter they'd go you know loosing down the street and they'd have to dodge cars and trees yeah i like the sounds of that too so yeah uh i didn't really know what i was doing last night i didn't know there were multiple channels for this i stuck with one channel i saw a little bit of skiing and uh like i said individual dudes

figure skating yeah Went through Olympics never been a big thing for me, but I gave it a shot. I gave it a shot. It's entertaining for a little bit, that's for sure. What's going on today? Oh, Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder will be swinging by later. No, Marcus, unfortunately. Oh.

He's usually every other Wednesday we'll talk to Marcus Felino, but he's enjoying his time off. Yeah, good for him. Get to sleep in a little bit. Did he tell you where he was at? No. I bet he's on. He doesn't want Ashley to know. She'll show up.

He's probably in Mexico. Where did you go last year? I think he went somewhere tropical. Yeah, he went to Port of Iyerta last year during things the All-Star break. I imagine he is on the beach. Well, yeah, it's been a while since we talked to Marcus. We'll get a hold of him at one point or another. Before we take a little breaky break, be listening.

Dana's going to give you a heads up or two on some more of those Dave Chappelle concert tickets. Yeah, they just released a new batch of tickets. and we actually have some to give away both tomorrow and Friday. That's great. Yeah, they've got a limited release, kind of a last second thing if you wanted. I know yesterday we got a ton of tax on it. Because it's been sold out, so I think they kind of reconfigured the seats a little bit, found a way to add some more.

So if you go to Ticketmaster.com, you can snag a pair. Otherwise, be listening tomorrow and Friday. We got two pairs to give away. That's great. What and the show is when? Monday. There you go. All right, you're a wonderful crowd.

We'll take a little break. We'll come back with the stupid news here before you know it. on the half-assed morning show. The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too.

An AC-tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree. day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

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Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Earlier on, we were talking about events that folks would love to see at the Winter Olympics next time around. These days you've got your skiing and you're curling and they play a little ice hockey and the snowboard. There's plenty of other. events that people would like to see at their winter Olympics. We had that conversation. Some text messages came our way from our glorious listeners. So here's some other ideas on events for the next winter Olympics. Well, breakdancing is a summer Olympic event now, is it not? It is. How about breakdancing on ice? Definitely adds another layer of difficulty.

But we need to one of those spins. It's going to take a while to stop. Exactly. Well, was his name, Josh. Ricky Rock, or not Ricky Rocket. The song was called Rocket. Harvey Hardon. Let's see. What was that? Hardy Harvon.

It was two H'ses. Herbie Hancock. That's it. Herbie Hancock. Rocket. Snowman building. That's kind of fun, actually. Oh, that's cool.

Competitive, timed snowman building. Yeah, some of those snow sculptures people make are very impressive. There's those couple of brothers. Others hear that. I don't know if they did it this last year, but they make the news. Do they? We're making some really crazy stuff. I thought of one we did in high school that might be a fun event. We didn't have a name for it.

I was called modified bob sledding. We were tubing at a hill and Egan. You know, we just got some cheap saucers and intertubes from Walmart and went sledding on this big-ass hill. We're having a good time, you know. And then we saw a picnic table. And my buddy had the idea. Let's flip that picnic table over, drag it up to the top of the hill, and all seven, eight, nine of us. us can get in and we'll go down the hill.

Did it work? So we got it up there. It took a while to get it up there. It was twice today. Yeah. Was it hard? It was hard. It was hard to get it up. But once we got it up, it was very hard. We all load up into it and we're going down and we're having a blast,

but we didn't account for basic physics. You know, if you're in a saucer, you know, it kind of glides from going down to hill to flat level. There's no give to a picnic table. So once we hit the spot where, you know, It starts to come flat land. We all go flying out of that thing. And we had a blast.

We all roll around the snow. We're having so much fun. And then we look. There's a girl who's sitting right in the front, one of our friends, and she's crying. When we hit the bottom, her face went forward, teeth first into, like, one of the metal bars on the picnic table. Her mouth was destroyed. Oh, no. Needed, like, big-time emergency dental work.

Oh, poor girl. Yeah. We were one and done on that one. But it was fun. Like the 30 seconds, 25 seconds, and going down that hill. That was the most fun of had in my life. But then seeing her, we realized, yeah, we should have maybe calculated this one a little bit better. That part still would have been fun, but you couldn't show it.

You don't really think of consequences when you're a young person. No, we were 17 and stupid. What about this idea from the brother and sisterhood? Competitive snow blowing or plowing. Yeah, that'd be great. I'd love to watch that. Well, we came up with that, actually. I mean, we didn't come up with it.

We mentioned it a year ago or so when we were planning the Minnesota games. Right, we were talking about those dopes down in the Gator State who think they're funny with their specific games, right? Go ahead, what's it called, John? Florida Man Games. Yeah, we thought if we were going to do a Minnesota edition, we'd absolutely include competitive snow blowing or snow plowing. Somebody brought up competitive snow shoveling.

That'll kill somebody. Parking in a snow-covered lot trying to find the lines and park. Because, you know, a lot of folks can't figure that out, quite. I mean, you're not going to hit the line necessarily, but you still don't go crooked, which some people can't figure out. People are bringing up brum ball. I never understood the draw, the appeal of brum ball. Or some people call it boot hockey, whatever. I didn't get it. Why are we not wearing skates? Well, I could tell you why we didn't. We didn't know how to skate. Oh. Our own skates. Oh. Yeah, we played a lot of boot hockey.

What about did you guys have a cul-de-sac here neighborhood where the snow plow would pile up into a big mountain and you go play King of the Hill. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that could be a fun game. And if it didn't work in the neighborhood, they did that for us at our grade school. Did they? Yeah, that's when I remember it. More kids went to the hospital from playing King of the Hill than anything else at my grade

school. Well, shoot, yeah, shopping malls. Oh, yeah. Some of those were basically a mountain. Yeah. Oh, I used to always want to climb on those, but my mom never let me. We've done competitive penis building out of snows where people would make giant snow penises. That was fun.

Oh, my God. people are texting in roof raking. I did that once in my life and it was one of the worst experiences I ever had. I did it once for the first time just a couple months ago and I'm like, this is so stupid. I told you. And what did I tell you? I said, get ready for your basement to flood this spring. Not to mention some folks, you know, they're pretty aggressive with it and they take shingles right with the snow.

I don't know why I ever talked myself into that roof raking, but, you know, it was a terrible winter. There was just a... Anyway, what else are people texting in? Olympic sports next time around, the next Winter Olympics. Carrying grocery bags across ice. And of course you're trying to get it all in one trip because you don't want to take multiple trips out to the car, so you're carrying like nine bags

with just hanging on by a pinky on one of them. Frozen stairs, a new twist on slippery stairs. Oh, sure. That'll kill somebody, but that would be interesting. And this all started. I think the first idea someone had earlier on, this morning. Someone wanted ice fishing added to the Winter Olympics. Got this text because we have been talking quite a bit about ice fishing lately. Dana recently made his very first ice fishing trip. Now we're talking about it again. Baudet fishing guide Jesus texted in and he said if you

frigging guys bring up ice fishing one more time in the next 30 days, I'm going to lose my mind. It is not that cool. Please people go home. Wow. He's had enough. It's what he does for a living. He's had enough. I think he sent a similar text yesterday. I don't blame you dude. If that's what you do for a living, guide ice fisherman, I bet you

want us to keep it quiet. Sorry. You don't have to apologize. I feel bad. All right. On to the stupid news now. Please tell me there's an ice fishing story in here. There's an ice-related story. Yeah, there is an ice-related story here.

right from the get-go. Some of you might remember, Josh and I both became flamethrower owners last summer, and we made our flamethrower purchases mainly after receiving encouragement from some of our listeners. Last summer, we were talking about yard work, and somebody said, hey, Jagoffs, you got to go get a flamethrower.

I forgot to tell you guys that my mother-in-law gifted me one. Get out of here. Have you used it yet? No, I haven't. Not yet because it's been, you know, winter. But I am so excited. Can we get together and burn stuff? Well, Josh, have you used yours yet?

What? I'm sorry now? Did you say something? I've had intentions to use it. I just have it. I was so excited to get it. I couldn't wait to get it. I haven't even opened it yet.

I almost did. Does that count? No. I need a flamethrower to open it. Ashley, I'm surprised you haven't hauled it out in the winter just to test it out on the sidewalk or something like that. But anyway. I should. I forgot, honestly.

I've used it around my property, you know, starting last summer. Quite a few times, burning up weeds and, you know, some squirrels and whatnot. So now three of the four of us, okay, are flamethrower owners. I'm sure as soon as you use it, Josh, you're going to want to come in and talk about it because you're going to enjoy the hell out of it. Yeah, I can't wait. Obviously.

Yeah, well, I do that. Delayed gratification. I thought about even getting one of those backpacks. Did we talk about that? Yes, we did. I don't think I have the shoulder strength for it anymore. Oh, it holds your... It holds the propane tank?

Yeah, you don't need that. But I don't have a smaller propane. I just got the regular one you throw on the grill. Oh, you do as well? Oh, I saw you do a video of it. The line, the gas line, Josh, is long enough. You don't got to worry about toting that thing around. You just set it on the ground, and you can get quite a distance burning up weeds and squirrels

before you have to move the can again. So it won't bother you. And I'll tell you, that friggin thing sucks up propane like a son of a bitch. Oh, does it really? That big old can for your grill, that gets light real fast. Is that right? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.

It is not that heavy after only a few minutes. It sucks propane out of there like a son of a bitch. How far does that thing go? I mean, does that thing go Ramstein concert far? Because I think I bought the same one you did. It's like you. It's got a knob on it. Sure.

And you turn, you can open that up. You can put on a Romstein show. Okay. I can get a decent distance. Of course, you got to put. Did you guys take that sexually? Because that's exactly how I meant to. No, no.

Oh. Someone's neck farted again. Yeah, that was one of the worst ones ever. Oh, I didn't even hear it. Oh, it was a huge neck fart. Who's neck farted? It was mine. Dana's neck always farts.

Yeah, your neck does fart every day. I took a big sip of Gatorade. I turned my mic off. I took a big sip of Gatorade and I turned my mic on way too soon. I should just let it linger for a little bit longer. That's the worst. Where do you put the mic on your neck? Because we do hear it every day.

Where do you put your, I can't see your face. It's like this. Oh, yeah, you're pretty close to that thing. Let's mic up your neck. We'll get like one of those. I don't think we need to. No. I could be standing across a room and it would pick up, Ashley.

All right. You got to pull your head out of your ass before you light that yard work flame thrower. If you're aiming that thing in the wrong direction, you could kill yourself dead or somebody else. Or you could end up being this effing guy. Well, first off, Josh, Ashley, before you light up your. flame throwers at home. I got a little greedy a few times around some bushes and trees. Played a dangerous game, did you?

Yeah, you know, big old green bush. I don't know anything about the, what do they call that, Josh? Shrubbery. Yeah, trees and horticulture. What is that? So I don't know what's what, just a big green bush kind of a thing. And then I got another half a tree over here, then a real tree in my yard. and there's weeds all around the base of these critters.

And a couple of times I was reaching way under the, and I'm thinking, is this thing going to catch on fire? I don't know. It's kind of fun to challenge yourself. Don't get too greedy, Josh, because I was burning up weeds underneath these shrubs, and then I'm done, and I go inside every five minutes I'm looking outside to see if it's on fire yet. I wonder, I suppose, use that around mulch is a bad idea.

idea, probably. I don't have that problem on my property. I don't have any mulch. I mostly want to burn down these weeds that are, like, in the front of my house, but they're very close to my house. And for some reason, I didn't think about the possibility of my house catching on fire. I got too close to the house a few times, too. I'm telling you, I got greedy.

Don't do it. It's not worth the stress and the worry. I'm telling you, I was looking out the window every five minutes. My house is made out a Dura Flame log, so it would be a horrible idea. to get anywhere near it. A dude in Massachusetts was playing around with his flamethrower. He was trying to burn the ice off the rooftop of his house, and now you know what happened.

You'd think most people would avoid that. You would think. The pros, they use like a big steamer, right, when you have some pro come out and take care of the ice dams. Not a clue. I still just put some salt in a pair of panty hose and throw it up on the roof. Yeah, I've heard like panty hose or something. socks or something like that, folks. Does that work?

We've never done anything about it. I don't know. I throw it up there and forget all about it. I don't know if it really works. We got, well, I've told you guys before, we found out our attic had zero insulation, like no insulation at all. Yep. And once we got insulated, it's the ice dam stopped. Rambling Jesus said he used to melt snow off his deck with a flamethrower, and he misses that deck, he says. Oh. That was a good deck.

Oh, man, that deck was something. It was flammable, but outside of that, it was great. Dude's trying to burn the ice off the roof of his house, and he went ahead and burned the house down, smoothed down. Here comes the neighborhood fire department. You know, it was 30 below or something like that, so the fire crew was just miserable, and they had no chance. The fire chief, the local fire chief was pissed,

and he talked to the local papers, and he said, look, don't be a heart on. If ice is piling up on your roof, just call a professional. Nobody got hurt, but the homeowner dude says his porn stash is cooked. I wonder if the insurance company covers that, or if they say, sorry, dude, you should know better. Yeah, isn't that basically arson? You know, certainly wasn't his intent, but I'm sure they'd wonder, right? Poopfoot Jesus said, if you want more flame, you just use the weed burner and you preheat the propane.

tank. Smart. Yeah, that's exactly. That's what you need to do. Sure. Just heat that thing up with the flame. Oh, oh, for God's said. And then that'll make it go further. I thought that was a real thing for a minute. Uh-oh. Yeah, don't think that. One of our listeners started the corner of his garage on fire last Friday after melting the sidewalks. Oh, shoot. Yeah, don't. If you have any doubts, don't do it. I've heard that's bad to do for the sidewalk, like you can kind of mess it up. Yeah, I don't care if I mess up the side. Do you really care if you mess up the sidewalk? Mine sink it pretty good. It's doing what? It's sinking. Sinking.

Yeah, the city even mentioned it. That's fun. People are warning me about the flamethrowing. Now I'm kind of scared to you. Well, just like I said, just don't get greedy. Yeah. So I just said, though, I'd never thought they're like, yeah, make sure you watch out for like utilities around your property

and stuff like that. Well, yeah. I don't even think of that. Yeah. Ah. All right, here we go. Christ Almighty, here we go. The wacky neighborhood extra tall unicycle guy. We've got one. And I mean that the unicycle is extra tall, not the guy. I love how you hate these people.

Does every neighborhood have the wacky extra tall unicycle guy who just rides around town looking for someone to please ask him about his extra tall unicycle? I do. I used to live in a neighborhood where we had the wacky super tall bike riding guy. where it was like two or three bikes welded together. He must have needed a ladder or jump out of a second window to get a second story window to get on that. See, we used to. We used to have the wacky extra tall unicycle guy.

And before we go any further, I want to be clear. If you're a unicycle rider, I have nothing but envy and respect for you. if you're able to ride a unicycle to the liquor store or to go get a pack of cigarettes, that is effing cool as hell in my book. I love the unicycle, and I wish I knew how to ride one. I'm going after the type, like I said, who just rides that extra tall unicycle round and round, four hours in the same area looking for everyone to notice him. Didn't you make that guy sad once?

We did. We did. We finally, see, we had it even worse, Ashley. there was this dude who used to ride his extra tall, wacky unicycle around our favorite breakfast spot in my hometown every Saturday morning. So as we entered to have breakfast, and we'd stay in there for two hours. But yet still when we exited, he's still riding around the parking lot. But we had it even worse. Not only was he on an extra tall unicycle, but he also had a parrot on his shoulder.

Oh, man. He wasn't getting enough attention on that year cycle. So yeah, after a year, we finally yelled at the guy and we said, okay, we get it, you're different. You get around town in an unconventional way, and you've made a quirky and out of the ordinary choice for a pet. We admit it, you win this round. And he got all sad, and he's peddled the way.

That's just so funny. Jesus, what do you want from us? I love that you hate these guys. so much. A couple days ago in Colorado, the cops had to holler at their wacky extra tall unicycle guy because he was a ride in his unicycle in a damned intersection while juggling flaming bowling pins. I got to say it did look pretty sweet.

It's way better than a parrot on your shoulder. Yeah. Okay. This is so dumb, but I think it just killed me talking about that guy in the parking lot, Nick. He was upset. Hot Coco, Jesus, texted him and said, he probably didn't know how to get off. He's stuck up there. Yeah, he just wanted your help, and you guys berated him. I'm in severe danger.

I don't know how to stop. A fall from this height will kill me. Help me. I never thought that maybe it was a diehard situation where a terrorist put him up to it. And he had to do it in order to save a schoolhouse full of children or something like. that. But yet he had no, I never considered that. Well, I bet you feel like a jerk now. He wanted some help. So again, a dude's riding his wacky extra tall unicycle in an intersection in Colorado, cars everywhere, and he's juggling, flaming bowling balls or something. And the cops basically

said, more or less, cool show, dude, but you know, you're aware of the fact that you can't just juggle fire wherever you want to, right? I imagine folks in their motor vehicles at that intersection probably found the show to be a nice distraction from another boring day. But there's a place for fire and extra tall unicycles. It's called the friggin circus. Yeah, I mean, be cool to see, like you said, but I would be a little frustrated if I had to sit and wait for his show to end, if I had to get to work or something like that. Yeah, it'd be cool for like three seconds.

If he's not blocking traffic like he was. Smooth vanilla Jesus texted in and said, well, what about the rest of? Red Panda. Please don't ever compare. A dork on an extra tall unicycle lingering in a neighborhood for six hours to the greatest entertainer that's ever lived. Our elementary

school gym teacher brought in his unicycle once or twice a year and did a little demonstration and man, he was a rock star. We just thought he was the coolest dude ever. Oh, that's perfect. Yeah. At that age Oh, we were like standing up and cheering because he can kind of like jump, kind of do like little wheelie type things on it, doing all

little tricks. We just thought it was the coolest thing we've ever seen. We had a teacher that could juggle like nobody's business, and it was the same thing. He was a hero. I'd love to learn how to ride a unicycle, but I wouldn't make it your problem. You know what I mean? Right. Maybe he's doing it on the driveway, not in a public square. Well, yeah, but like I said, you know, if you're going to just run on up to the store and get a Mars bar or something, I mean, that's awesome.

I love the Mars bar as your go-to chocolate bar there. That was good. That was a good poll. It's a great, it's a great, watch a McCall. It's another one. People don't talk about those. Right, enough. So here's what the local police in Colorado said about this character.

They said, let's all take a moment to appreciate this man's talents. Yes. Then let's all agree that we aren't going to do stuff like this. Mm-K. They didn't tick it. Okay. The wacky, extra tall unicycle guy. They just told him to take his gimmick Summers else.

Somebody sent us a picture of a cyclist that they saw in Colorado a few years ago. and the person's not on a unicycle, but they're riding a bicycle, and they have a giraffe head on. I got to say I like the outfit. As a matching sport coat, wearing white gloves for some reason. That part scares me.

Shorts with some like Birkenstock-style sandals? Yeah, it's a good look. Sure, attention-seeking, but... Well, weeds legal there, so... I'd laugh if I saw something like that. You're right, Ashley's probably high. Nine. I'm getting there.

I'm trying to read this. name on my computer screen. Nine minus 10 inch weiner Jesus says he'll teach me how to ride a by God unicycle. He says

he can do a wheelie on a unicycle. How do you do that one? I don't know. All right, what's this now? Some derelict got naked at the fun park. Isn't there always someone ass naked or at the very least, accidentally

exposing their genitals at the family fun park. Does seem that way. I saw more genitalia at Wisconsin Dells in one weekend than 100 trips to the boom boom room. Especially those one really steep slides, you know, where you go down and something always falls off. It wasn't even on the slides, Dana.

It's folks just sitting in their beach chair. What do you call it next to the pool? Pool chair. Dongs hanging out the side of shorts. Oh, my gosh. What? Viginas, boobs hanging out of tops. I mean, yeah, when they went down the, oh, yeah. Careful what you asked for, Cubby. Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

You're right. When they went down the slide, a lot of swimsuits just completely gave wet. That's where we hung out at the bottom of the slide in grade school. But even just hanging around the pool, these people just, they're slobs. They can't keep their gear. And then they think it's okay that their little kid is naked and running around. Everyone put their frigging gear away, please. I'm trying to have an old Milwaukee.

Just dong hanging. Universal Studios is the joint here. Isn't that in the Godforsaken Gator State? I think I went there once. Isn't there one in California? Yeah, there's two of them. One in California, one in Florida. All right, so either one, whichever one it was.

There's a video going round and round. This one was the California one. All right. The video shows a feller that got all of his clothes off on what they call a tram tour at Universal Studios. People were disgusted. The new tram drivers of the corner. or puking his guts out.

Witnesses say the dude appeared to be near-death hammered. And he was bothering everybody up and down on whatever a tram tour is. He smelled like garbage. And then he jumped off the tram. And he got butt-ass naked. And then he rolled around on the ground for a while. And then he got back on the tram. It's a little different.

And I know what some of you are wondering. You know, when did he start with the jacket? off. It says nothing here in the story about a rub-out. Maybe later. It could have happened later. Thinking about what he did. But women's had to watch this guy's little hairy light switch, you know, swinging around the tram, young people, the young children had to see this. After a few more minutes of the world's worst strip show, the dude was hauled away. It says here, every sorry-some bitch who had to see this guy's naked pecker were given experience. Brest Lane passes to all the rides at the park for the rest of the day.

Oh, worth it. And they were also given some two-sided tape to try and pull the guy's pubic hair out of their nachos. Where are my pants? You threw them out the window in a fit of passion. What was that? It was Homer Simpson wondering where his pants were. Where are my pants? You threw them out the window and a fit of passion.

They're both speaking so quickly. They are speaking quickly. Why are they? That sounds like an older episode. You're an older episode, Josh said. Yeah, I said it. What you got? I think, thanks, maybe.

They were better. The older episode? Yeah, so I think that's a compliment. Season 3 through 10 is prime. I have noticed that new comedies especially, the rhythms are so fast. Maybe it's nerves or something. If you watch some that have gone on for a while, they slow it down a little bit, so it seems more natural. Have you seen that where it's just nerves?

They're just so, so fast. Right. Trying to squeeze as many jokes in as possible. So maybe that's what happened there. That did sound sped up. Five more feet of Fury, Sheez says doing a wheelie on a unicycle seems like something only Chuck Norris could accomplish. When I said wheelie, I meant more like he would lean it forward to the point to look

like he was going to fall, then he'd pull it back up upright, and then he'd kind of lean back, looks like he's going to fall backwards, and we'd all like, whoa, oh, he's got it, you know, that type of thing. I've seen them do that. That's cool. Here's one more attention-starved moron. Glasgow, Scotland, I believe. Anybody want to back me up on that? I'm with you.

Okay. You got it, man. From what I understand, even folks in Glasgow, Scotland, lay awake at night, crying, stressing over when and how they can finally be noticed on social media, just like we do here in the States. What do I do? Oh, God, they pray. I have my cell phone ready.

I know how to hit the record button, but what do I do? do, Lord, to reach the highest achievement known to modern man to be social media famous. God help me go viral, they pray, while sobbing. I don't know if God answered this kid's prayers or not, but here's how one dude got it done. In, again, Glasgow, Scotland, a dude hopped onto a local subway car, dressed as a duck. He shouted some nonsense out loud. and then he poured milk and cereal all over himself, and then he left. I was entertained by this video.

If I was on social media, I would have hit the like button. You would have smashed that one? Yeah, I would have hit it. He was painted yellow like a duckling, no shirt on. I liked the outfit. That was good. He had a little duck bill over his nose. And again, he yelled something.

No one cares what it was. He poured milk and cereal over the top of his head, and then he gone. He's extremely jaundiced, unless that's paint. One of the two. He needs a doctor or a sponge. He needs to get under one of those lights. But he made it. He did it.

Social media has finally fully acknowledged him. A couple days ago, he was nobody. He looks like the type of dude that would have a humiliation kink. It's just a vibe I get. That makes perfect sense to me. A couple days ago. go, no one knew who he was, but not anymore. Today, he's Scotland milk and cereal subway duck guy. I didn't watch the video because I don't care. But there you go. He made a terrible mess on

the subway. Yeah, that's not cool. That's what I'm focusing on. Somebody's going to have to clean that up, and I bet soggy cereal is a bitch to clean up. Yeah, my OCD kicked in right away, and the first thing I thought is who's got to clean that. Locals are upset. He made such a terrible mess and didn't clean up after himself. But none of that matters at all. It's over. He made it. What's written on his stomach? I didn't see the video. I can't

figure it out. Flappy one. Flappy one? Flappy one? Floppy one? Yeah, and like permanent marker, it looks like. I don't know. I missed it. What'd you say he has a what kink? Humiliation. A humiliation. A humiliation. Yeah. You ever gotten involved in anything like that before? Ashley. You ever had to

stand on a guy's nuts or anything? No, I don't know if I'd be able to do that. Oh, I could see you being a dominatrix. I guess there's some appeal, but I don't know. I think I'd feel bad eventually. Practice this line. What is that going on at home? Practice this line. You call that a penis? You call that a penis? That'll get them. They'll cower right away. No, no, I don't. I don't. Well, you've got that paddle, and you've mentioned restraints and stuff like that. You're on your way there. I'll call it whatever you want me to call it, mistress. Is that what they say? Mistress? Yeah, I think mistress.

Yeah, mistress. Yeah. I think that's it. I just feel bad for men that feel the need to abuse their penis. That just makes me like, I feel like it's such like that. Do you hear that, Dana? She's got sympathy for you. She does.

Thank you, Ashley. Take a banking that thing over there. Solidarity, Ashley. I appreciate you. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Play up the right side. Buck the flex off the skater.

Burphy. Murphy gets to it. Sutter and pass, score! There you go. Yesterday in the Olympics, the women's hockey team, the United States women's hockey team, beat the piss out of Canada. Beat them five-nothing.

I think it's the greatest beating any American teams ever given a Canadian team. I don't know. This first time in a while, Canada's been shut out, too. And I was really excited for the game and I was watching it until about midway through the first period. I thought there was like a knockout game or something.

It was still just preliminary. Five-nothing, five-nothing. So that's pretty cool right there. There was a couple from the Windy City, Duluth, who won a medal curling yesterday. We'll get to that a little bit later. We got our whole full-on All-American Olympics update. You know, we've been all over this from the word go. Another idea came in, Josh, for a new event that should be added to the Winter Olympics.

Oh, nice. Competitive snowflake eating. Do you guys do that as a kid? Of course. I still do. I was always still hungry afterwards. Yeah, not really filling. I could eat a lot of snowflakes.

Gosh, I used to love eating snow. Yeah, I grew up with a couple of kids that would just fist it into their yap. I didn't understand. I mean, what are you doing? It was just so refreshing. I don't know. And then the older I got, I was like, yeah, it shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, my husband went to, like, go eat an icicle that was hanging off our roof.

And I was like, no, no, no, no. I've discovered that that is not good for you. Oh, yeah, I knew some icicle liquors, too, when we were kids. All that roof stuff. I don't know what's on the roof, but all that roof stuff is in your mouth. I think my neighborhood was a porous neighborhood, and I think that just we weren't nourished. I bet there's feces in it. Yeah, but we were young and we were just little kids.

We didn't know any better. I think we were just starving because we lived in this broke-ass neighborhood where our parents didn't provide for us. That's got to be the answer why there were so many snow eaters and ice sickle liquors in my neighborhood. Chewing ice is supposed to curve your hunger. Is that right? Yeah, there you go. There you go. I'd heard before it shows you're horny.

Oh, my God. If you're chewing ice. Well, for Christ's sake, Josh, we were four. Yeah, well, you guys got started early there. Coming up when Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder joined us, of course, we'll tell you whatever else happened at the Winter Olympics. One story I think we're all looking forward to sharing. Something really weird cut loose at the Olympics yesterday, day before. An interview with an athlete got really weird.

Oh, I'm so excited to talk about this. We'll share that with you at 7.30. Wolves trailblazers tonight here in town. More news with Josh coming up here in a minute or two. The 93-Ags Half-Azed Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

I got my AC tuned up for summer, I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.

Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Schaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to BialkiLaw.com. That's BIA-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C. Hi. Host of the Stacking Benjamin's podcast. You know what? A lot of us get taxes wrong. Filing your taxes is basically. data entry. There's been this trend of people going, oh, it's so cool to file my taxes in August. It's so awesome. Don't worry. I have an extension. It'll be fine. I'd like totally do it later. Stop. Do your friggin taxes now. That was a really good fashion voice. Did you like it? You do that more frequently, please? Yes, every show from now. We'll be like that. Stacking Benjamin's, follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93x half-assed morning show. What in the actual

fuck are you guys doing? I'm 93X. to know why, and I don't have the ability to answer that question right now. A Florida man who took issue with some teens he thought were staring at him went on an unhinged tirade at a McDonald's over the weekend, hurling his Dr. Pepper at them before debuting his butt for the crowd. 47-year-old William Heath wandered into the McDonald's in Gainesville last Saturday night. 47 years old. That's right. He became visibly agitated when he spotted a group of teenagers looking at him.

He stormed over and sparked an argument, but when diplomacy failed, carbonation prevailed. He chucked his soda at the group, dousing two of them at Dr. Pepper. He then retreated into the parking lot as the teens followed close behind. When he noticed other people nearby, he put on a show,

flopping down in a bush near the sidewalk and pretending the group had ganged up on him and shoved him into the bushes. Wow, this guy's troubled. Which may have worked, had several witnesses not told police they never saw the kids initiate any contact. So he took a dive into the bushes.

As a grown man, look at what they've done to me. Moments later, he turned around and dropped his pants, moaning the teens, while spanking himself and caressing his left butt cheek seductively. Don't do that. He later confessed to the entire situation telling police he tried to defend himself because the kids were staring at him. This dude ought to just never come out the house ever again. There may be times when you think I'd kill someone for fries,

but most people don't mean it, which sadly wasn't the case in Texas last month. Police in Fort Worth are searching for a suspect after an argument over French fries turned salty. What is that noise? It's unbelievable around here. No, that was me. No, no, no. Can we friggin have one conversation?

That was me moving my mic. That was, no, it wasn't. You're good. That was Ashley sucking so hard on her water bottle that her water bottle is whining. I just tried to drink so water. I heard it a second ago, too. I don't know why it's doing that. It usually doesn't.

You are drawing so hard on the straw of your water bottle that it's whining at us. I think I've washed it too many times. The straw is starting to morph a little, so it makes noise now. My bad, my bad. I thought I had to oil my neck. My neck's a little sore, and I thought that's the noise. makes when I move. So that, yeah, that freaked me out.

I didn't even hear it until I noticed Nick's staring at me. This place is just a wall of bizarre sounds. You guys do have a button where if you're going to make a noise, you can turn it off. Well, yeah. Mine is very far away. I usually don't have to because it doesn't usually make noise, but I guess that's a new development. Ashley's water bottle said, yeah.

Yeah. It was like a ghost. They've got a liquid ghost over there. What were you saying now? I don't even know. Well, you started over. We'll be back after the... Police in Fort Worth are searching for a suspect

after an argument over French fries turned salty. French fries, yeah. And then deadly. Detectives learned the dispute began when the victim refused to share his order of fries with the suspect who then shot his friend for denying him, said fries. Despite searching the area and the suspect's apartment

as of press time, at least, officers haven't been able to catch up to the suspect. He killed the guy because he wouldn't share his guys. He killed the guy. Yeah. Well. And a Missouri man's been accused of turning pop into police work after harassing a woman because he wanted a Pepsi and she wouldn't let him have one. The victim called police just before 7.30 p.m. Wednesday, when officers arrived, she showed him video showing 47-year-old Brian Champagne trying to force. his way into her bedroom where she kept her Pepsi.

In that video, champagne is her demanding the soft drink. The footage also shows champagne come on court, trying to start a physical fight with the woman's son. The video further captures champagne repeatedly threatening to beat the son's head in and kill him for a Pepsi. How far do they have to drive to hit the closest gas station in this neighborhood? He needed it now. Yeah. And he was upset. I think that all of a sudden became about her not sharing her Pepsi.

Eventually, the victim allowed Champaign's mom to enter her room to retrieve a refreshing Pepsi. When officers first arrived, they tried talking to Champaign, who was described in a statement as uncooperative and argumentative. Did he kill everyone in the house? Nobody was killed. No one was killed. Okay. As police questioned him, Champagne kept asking why they were being so rude to him and why he was being treated as a criminal. Well, he beat somebody up and threatened to kill him. It wasn't clear how champagne and the victim knew each other or why they were sharing a residence.

In Better Pepsi News, last week the company lowered the prices of its Cheetos, Doritos, Lays, and other snack brands by up to 15% saying they want to bring relief to consumers facing an affordability crunch. Well, that's awful nice. Yeah, things are expecting. The food and beverage company said the price cuts, which were announced just before last weekend Super Bowl, are an effort to respond to the financial strain facing many consumers. Thank you. I'll clean out a bag of chips quicker than the next guy. PepsiCo also announced the upcoming release of Doritos Protein, if you want to get jacked.

Oh, my gosh, of course. Part of the company's plan to offer increased protein fiber and whole grains in their foods. According to the press release, the initiative also removed artificial colors and flavors. Protein is so hot right now. Yeah, they're trying to compete. I saw Pop-Tarts like they said, loaded with protein. on the box is like extra protein pop tarts of all things you know what i saw the other day would you guys be interested in this unfrosted pop tarts why is that a thing who's eating those i've seen those and

it's very disappointing anytime you do who's eating those no i don't know uh hippies don't do that to yourself no the unfrosted part of the pop tart often never ends up in my mouth oh the manager of a ramen shop in Japan was arrested after punching himself in the face in an attempt to fake a robbery and embezzle company funds. He should hang on with that guy from McDonald's thrown himself into the bushes acting like teenage kids kicked his ass. A couple of buddies there. Report states the 36-year-old manager called police claiming he'd been attacked by a knife-wielding mugger who made off with about $4,000 in cash after punching him in the face. Police took a statement and began looking into the theft, but his story soon raised suspicion. For one, no one matching the assailant's description appeared in the area on any surveillance camera at the time of the crime. What's more, an inspection of the manager's smartphone revealed he'd searched damning queries like staged robbery victim, how to get away with insurance fraud.

Subtle. Very subtle. How many times I got to tell people you do that kind of stuff at the library? Yeah, or use like an incognito mode. They could probably test. They could probably still find that. He later admitted to faking the entire ordeal, saying he, He'd planned to use the stolen money to cover his living expenses and fun trips to the casino. Fun trips?

Yes. That's pretty shady right there, Cubby. Because nothing pairs with uncooked fish, quite like soup tossing and sudden gunfire. A St. Louis mother opened fire and threw a bowl of soup at people inside a suburban Missouri sushi restaurant. 31-year-old Alia Moorhead was inside the local eatery in Kirkwood Wednesday night with her nine-year-old child and an adult woman, where she became agitated with an issue with her order. Wasabi sushi bar staff offered to fix the order, but Moorhead began swearing at a server and was asked to leave.

She responded with a bold culinary critique, throwing a bowl of soup at the server and splashing others nearby. The server tried to shield himself with a chair, but Moorhead grabbed that too and threw it at him. Next, she pulled a handgun and told the employee, You're going to get it, before firing a single shot in his direction. The bullet missed the server, punched through a refrigerator, and struck a wall. It appeared she didn't seem to care who was in the way because at the time of the shooting,

her daughter was walking between her and the server. Morehead later told local cops she believed the restaurant staff were rude to her and her family on arrival. She also claimed she overheard chefs making racial and derogatory comments about herself and her family in Spanish, and she learned this through a translation feature on her AirPods. Is she making that up? Well, I mean, they do have that now, so maybe she's not. I don't know. It sounds like even if that's the case, they believe she overreacted when she fired at the guy.

Oh. The St. Louis County prosecuting attorney's office charged a mother with first-degree assault, armed criminal possession, unlawful use of a weapon, endangering the welfare of a child, and first-degree property damage. Silly. Yep. Again, it started because she had an issue. with her order, which again they offered to take care of for. A sheriff's office in California is seeking a sprinkle of solid information about a man who

decided to cosplay as a cop and attempted an unsolicited vehicle evacuation. According to the sheriff's office, the incident took place February 3rd between 8 p.m. and 9 p.m. along a local highway. The driver was pulled over by a black and white SUV with flashing red and blue dashboard lights, and they thought it was a legitimate traffic stop. A male suspect walked up to the vehicle, demanded the driver get out, and reached inside in an attempt to pull them from the car. But what the pretend patrolman didn't know was that the driver recognized the ruse and happened to be carrying bear spray and they weren't shy about using it. Oh, right in the mush, huh?

With some of that bear spray? Yeah, ouch. Sweet. Courtesy of capsaicin and quick thinking, the driver managed to douse the douchebag and peel out of there. The sheriff's office said, please know that why? the El Dorado County Sheriff's Office, like many other law enforcement agencies in the state, operate unmarked vehicles. Our unmarked vehicles are equipped with emergency lights and sirens, which follow California legislation and vehicle code. The Sheriff's Office says,

while they do use unmarked vehicles, their deputies will always be readily identifiable or able to show their credentials. They're now asking for the public's help in tracking the imposter down. In a separate but equally cringeworthy display of imaginary law enforcement, a man pleaded guilty to falsely impersonating a federal officer again. According to police, the 20-year-old cop wannabe went door-to-door conducting canvas interviews at several homes while claiming to be a special agent with the U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Division. Jesus, boss. During those visits, officers say he wore a badge on his waistband and told residents he was investigating a dispute between some of the

neighbors. Then he started asking questions, as if it was an actual case, and he was an actual agent, which he was not, actually. Several of those encounters were captured on surveillance cameras inside the victim's homes. Two weeks later, the same nerds scratched the same badge-shaped itch by turning up at a high school football game wearing a badge and handcuffs, once again, stating he was a special agent. Telling all the 17-year-old girls, I'm sure. Yeah, like, hey, I'd love to tell you why I'm here, but, you know, top secret. After being caught by the real cops, the likely virgin now faces a maximum sentence of six years in federal prison. There's no chance he's ever been laid.

Yeah, you're right. No, no, not yet. He's doing his best. The same thing always comes to mind when you bring up these fake cops. I mean, are you a six-year-old? It's odd, isn't it? They just didn't grow out. I'll grow out of that.

It's really troubling. A Colorado man pulled over for reckless driving. three kids in the trunk of his car. And the trunk. But it kind of wasn't his fault. He was too drunk to know better, which is not necessarily a legal defense, but he sure wasn't sober enough to be taken care of children, much less be behind the wheel. Body camera footage from the January 23rd incident shows officers walking up to the

40-year-old's vehicle and beginning to question him. Almost immediately, he admits he was, quote, acting like an idiot. And police agreed. You're lucky you didn't hit somebody, said the Denver cop, who then noticed the smell of alcohol emanating from the car. It's the kids. After refusing the officer's request to complete voluntary roadside sobriety test, the driver casually mentioned that three kids were hiding in the trunk.

A detail typically best revealed much sooner. The officer then asked, you didn't think that had been a good idea to say something before? Three kids hiding in the trunk. Yes. What are you guys doing? Aside from several frightened kids, officers also recovered several bottles of alcohol from inside the vehicle.

Who were these kids? They belonged to him? They didn't quite say in the story. That's the assumption. And what the hell were they doing in the trunk? Hiding. Thankfully, the children in the drunk's trunk were found unharmed. Hiding for what reason? Don't know. Oh. They described it as that.

Not to be outdone, maybe from a drunk dad. Not to be outdone, Wisconsin has entered the chat. A 48-year-old southern Wisconsin man was arrested after a deputy found him asleep behind the wheel right on the highway, which made for his fourth. O-W-I. Southern Wisconsin. That might be the shadiest part of the whole state. Oh, 100%.

They have a reputation compared to the rest of the state? It's just not pretty down there. Yeah, no one really goes down there, so. It's a little scary. Southern Wisconsin, Judge. The second season premiere of Cross debuts today on Amazon Prime Video. We enjoyed that one. Lincoln Parks, Mike Shinoda, is one step closer to 50 as he's turning 49 today.

Jennifer Aniston, 57, I think. I forgot to put the last number on there. We looked that up, Dana. I'm pretty sure it's 57. She gets prettier every year. Are you one of those odd balls? You're one of those odd balls, Ashley, who finds Jennifer Aniston to be attractive?

Yeah, I know. You're on an island there. Yeah. Yeah, she's 57. My God. Speak for yourself. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, what a hag.

Right. Shout out to first-time listener. I mean, if I was desperate. We got a first-time listener here. So a shout-out to one-year-old Stinky Queen Jesus. We appreciate you being with us this morning. Do you ever hope to have more in common with my twin brother, Josh? I wish I had his muscles.

Because he's the only other guy that I've heard in the last 30 years refer to someone as a hag. My brother likes to dump that one out. That's a brutal one. Yeah, he's a brutal guy. Happy 42nd. And so is Josh, obviously, very insensitive. I'll go after one of the most gorgeous women on the planet with sarcasm.

Happy 42nd to your mom's chest hair Jesus. Hung like a seahorse Jesus wants to wish his little sister. My brother has a small penis Jesus. A happy birthday. All the way from Arkansas, by the way. Thank you for tuning in. God, I wonder if they know Pistol Pete from across the street. Go ahead.

And once again, we'd like to thank those of you who are kind enough to send some nice texts for the show's 27th anniversary yesterday. And certainly to our coworkers as well, they threw us a surprise party. after the show, which was very nice, made for a special moment for us. So a sincere thanks to all y'all. We realize we're very lucky. We appreciate it. Thank you again. And that's 93x News.

Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder On the half-ass morning show. Today I made the choice to tell the world what I did. So maybe there's a chance that she will see what she really means to me. And maybe not. But I don't want to think I didn't try everything to get her back. This is a really fun place to start right here. I think everybody and all of y'all are going to like this one.

Hello, Randy Shaver. Hello. And the lonely boy. Brad. Hello. Brad. Morning. There is.

Hi, Brad. Brad is jacking off. Oh, not again. Give him some time. I heard the song on my way in this morning, Brad Rider. I heard your theme song, Lonely Boy. Oh, yeah? Who sings that again?

Andrew Gold. Andrew Gold, that's right. The year I'm going to go ahead and say 76, 77? Yeah, whenever I have 70s on 7, once in a while I do hear that. Oh, what a lonely boy. He was born in the winter of 1951. A good song. Yeah.

We welcome Randy Schabron, Brad Ryder. to the program, that audio that Josh played for you right there. Apparently, an athlete interview got weird over there at the Olympics. Really weird, unexpected. A feller called Sterla, I think. Sterla. He went ahead and won the bronze medal in the men's 20-kilometer individual biathlon. All right?

He's a, what is he, a German character? I don't recall. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I forget. Sterla, he won a medal in the biathlon. And then he burst into tears up there on the metal stand, the podium, whatever you call it. So I've went in the crowd looking around saying, well, okay, he's a little emotional about his victory, but. Sad he didn't, you know, win gold, maybe?

Maybe. But it looks a little different, right? His emotions were just a little different. So someone put a mic in his grill. And he said that this week has been the worst week of his life. Confusing statement right there, right from the get-go. You just want a medal. What are you talking about?

You just want a medal. You're hanging out here in, where are they? Spain. I can't remember now. Italy. Italy. He went on to explain this Sterla character. The reason why this has been the worst week of his life,

life, it's because he's been banging a side piece. This is what he said. And he feels terrible about it. He's been cheating on his girlfriend. And he admitted that. In front of the world. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

Yep, told her in front of the world. And so he must have thought, you know what, this is as good a time as any for all that information to fall out of my yap. Oh, my God. She was mortified. You know, the media caught up with her. The one who was cheated on. So the media figured out who she was, his girlfriend?

And she was, you know, miserable about it. Like, why would you do something like that? Not even the cheating. Why did you say that in front of the entire world? You embarrassed me for all these people. Now her family knows, too. The last I read, no one knew her name, but of course it only takes about five minutes with social media now, right? And then everyone wants to pick on you, strangers picking on you.

That sucks. You know what? Right. The cheating is bad enough, at least in some people's minds. It's even worse, I think, that now people know who she is because they're going to frigging bother her. Oh, yeah, I totally agree. Why didn't that enter his mind? He thought he was being what a romantic gesture this was. I got to show her that, yeah, even though I cheated, I still love you and I want you back. How frigging bizarre is this?

Hey, Sterla. Like a mic in his space. Sterla, congratulations on the biathlon victory. Yeah, well, appreciate that, but my life really sucks because I've been folding something on the side. And I don't know, like, how truthful this is, but I was reading that he's been dating this girl for six months and he... Which girl, now? The girlfriend. The girlfriend, the OG.

Okay. He's been dating her for six months and he decided to cheat on her after three months. So, you know, he's like, clearly this is the love of his life. And he says that, right, doesn't he? Yeah, uh-huh. He says there's Norwegian, by the way. Norwegian. Yeah.

He said half a year ago, I met the love of my life. I mean, I don't envy the interviewer. No. That must have been awkward, right? I can't imagine. What's your follow-up question to that? I would definitely say, well, who do you have plan next? Like, you know, who's next on your list?

The good news is, Dana, I don't think you need a follow-up question. Once the guy starts heading down this path of discussion, instruction. You just let them cook. But the awkward part must have been when it was over. What's the interviewer was supposed to say? Well, all right, let's send it on over to Snoop Dog. That's probably all you got, right? Yeah. Thank you for that. He's live at the curling. Snoop Dog probably would have an opinion on this. Snoop Dog would probably be a really good person to go to after this. Let's send it over to Snoop Dog. He's with Patrick the Starfish from the SpongeBob show. They're over at the

curling rink, you know. The dude said half a year ago, I met the love of my life. The world's most beautiful and nicest person. Three months ago, I made the mistake of my life and cheated on her. And I told her about that a week ago. This has been the worst week of my life. So he still wasn't with the other girl. He was just feeling bad about it. Yes, he was holding out of that guilt.

He did. Gotcha. Okay, now I understand. I thought he was still with the side piece. He probably figured that this is the best life is going to get for me after winning this. And so I might as well let it out now because I'm a little bit bulletproof. Was this a bit from the Jimmy Kimmel show or something? Well, there's a theory that this was all planned.

Well, it was a wonderful plan, right? And he was a good actor, if that's the case, because he did look pretty pathetic and sad. But yes, there are people wondering if this was some sort of bit. I've never seen anything like this in my life. Basketball, baseball, football, hockey, any interview. This is really Josh coded. What? What does it mean?

Yeah, like I could see you. Yeah, the guilt. Just eating you alive. You accidentally end up spilling it on live national television. I think I would be smart enough. I could see getting on a stage at a middle school dance and just grabbing the mic from the DJ. But certainly not on a podium there in front of the, you know, the world media. We've certainly seen many, many athlete interviews where they're asked about the game and they go on some kind of a rageful tirade about.

But specific relationship drama like this, I don't remember anything quite like it. Well, just two days ago, the Super Bowl, Stefan Diggs broke up with Cardi B at halftime. But did he do it on television? No, I didn't do it on television, but I mean, I guess there is kind of some parallels there. I suppose. He did it privately, though. But then it leaked out, obviously, because that's what happens these days. More or less what this Norwegian, and I think he said this actually, so skip the more or less.

part. I think this is a direct quote from the kid about admitting that he was that he's been cheating on his girlfriend after he wins a medal. He said, I had the gold medal in life. Oh, no. But I, but I effed it up, he said. Now let's go check in with Snoop Dog. See, the thing is, maybe, I mean, some people can get past being cheated on and get back with somebody if they think they're remorseful and do regret it. But she can't do that now that the entire world knows. That's the really terrible part. Like you can't have him over for family dinners. Right.

Well, maybe she told him after he admitted this to her privately. Maybe she told him it was over. And so then he just went ahead and put it out of the public. Just went for the Hail Mary? That's what it seems like. I mean, he even said, you know, in that follow-up interview, like, hey, I wanted to make sure I did everything I could to let her know I want her back. Maybe if he won the gold.

You're not getting with the bronze medalist to Ash. I'm not dealing with no bronze bitch I don't care who you are That's funny right there's hilarious This is so unique Up until this point The most disturbing part of the Olympics for me Was finding out that

That gal who won the speed skating Was actually Jake Paul's fiancee I don't know what the hell you're talking about I know She's so hot too What are you doing girl? She's just scorching And then I found out she was Jake Paul's fiance

I'm like oh God Yeah, he was crying in the stands. Okay, yeah, I saw that he was. What a joke. He was dating an Olympian. I didn't know who it was. Is he the one that's the wrestler? No, he's the boxer.

Oh, okay, I get him and his brother confused. Logan's the boxer. He doesn't deserve that. Okay, because I saw, I just saw one of them doing some type of talk show thing with Tom Brady. And it was the one that does the wrestling. And he was telling him about how, like, Like he was, he's an incredible athlete and like flexed on him about like his, I think it was his high school football career.

And Tom Brady's sitting there like, all right, man. Like I think it's a little different than professional football. So Brad Ryder, you don't, you don't think that Jake Ball deserves such a scorching hot athletic fiancee? No. He has a pain in the ass, isn't he? Yeah. Yeah, he's a pain in the ass. I thought he was the one people liked.

Logan's the one people like. I get them so confused. Logan, it's annoying how good to wrestle ideas. They're both annoyed. Yeah, the one that wrestles is the one people like. Yeah, he comes off as very likable. Jake, the ball boxer, he seems like a total tool. All right, back to this kid, back to this Norwegian biathlet who admitted to cheating

during a post-metal winning interview. I'll tell the story again. I'll try to abbreviate it as best I can. Senior year of high school had an out-of-town hockey tournament. We would have won the sum bitch, but Big Al was too hung over to score a frigging, what do they call that in the business now? A shootout goal, you know. Should have won the tournament, but Big Al ran out of gas. He had a shootout.

He blew it. But that weekend, our hockey team just went wild. Drinking, carrying on. All the women in town, our age wanted us because we were six. one tours, right? Women were flocking to our garbage motel. We had the time of our lives. And one of my teammates that weekend did two things for the very first time in his life. He bought beer underage, and he got laid. And he had a regular girlfriend back home. And a doll, too, just an absolute doll. One of the sweetest girls we went to school with. This was his girlfriend.

But she didn't want to have sex yet. So he's just this ball of race. And so while we're out of town finishing second in the tournament, thanks to Big Al, while we're out of town, we're drinking, carrying on with the local gals. And my teammate buys beer underage for the first time and he gets laid. The next morning, while we're still there in their tournament, my teammate is so riddled with guilt. He can't even talk. He's so disgusted with himself for what he's done. We're all trying to help him out.

Hey, man, it happens, whatever. He can't be talked out of it. He's so disgusted with himself. We go back to school. We walk into school. His girlfriend comes running up and says, I heard what you did this weekend. And he says, she met nothing to me.

I'm sorry. Oh, my God. I was drunk. I don't know what I. I'll never cheat on you again. And his girlfriend says, I was talking about you buying beer underage. Oh, no.

One of the most incredible things I've ever seen, Rinside in my life. She starts scream crying and running down the hallway, and my teammate realizes, oh, my God, I just obliterated myself. That sucks. It's like in the movie Liar, Liar, where Jim Carrey's pulled over by the cop, and the cop asks if he knows why he pulled him over, and he runs down an incredibly long list of everything.

I could see doing the same thing. Well, changing lanes without signaling and speeding. Yeah, confessing anything I think I've done wrong. You know, every Wednesday we're up against a wild update. We like to give you the goods on the man bear pigs. But since they don't play another regular season game until mid-March or something, let's make today's edition. We can continue with this Olympic stuff.

Let's make today's edition the Wild slash Winter Olympics update. Team USA snatched up five more medals at the Olympics yesterday. None of them gold. Three of them were silver. All right? So you had a cross-country skier, poor bastard. That's the event? that he's going with, that sucks.

Cross-country skier by the name of Ben Ogden won a silver. United States hadn't won a medal in cross-country in 50 years. You heard about this guy, though, right? No. So this guy. Is he engaged to Jake Paul? No. Logan, Paul.

So Ben Ogden grew up, grew up basically about two miles from the last May. to win in cross-country skiing, Bill Coke. No kidding. So they grew up, he grew up like two miles from this guy, and actually when he was young, trained with this Bill Coke, learned how to ski from the guy who won the medal. And then he became only the second U.S. man to win a medal in cross-country skiing.

They grew up in the same neighborhood? Yep. Well, they're different. They're different. They're different ages. Of course. Of course, they're 50 years apart. Yes, correct.

F me running. Yeah, great story. A freestyle skier named Alex Hall won a silver medal. And then this couple from the Windy City, Duluth, they won a silver medal with that curling in the mixed doubles competition. Corey Dropkin, Corey, I'm going to go ahead with Tice, but I'm not sure which is which. They lost to the damn Swedes. big obnoxious loud talkers those Swedes the Swedes

beat him in the final final round but they got that silver medal so these this couple Corey and Corey they're the first Americans to win an Olympic medal in the mixed curling event

mixed doubles right a bronze medal for a luge competitor Ashley Farquarson. That's fun. Bronze medal in the women's luge. And a couple of alpine skiers won bronze men.

That's how that... Well, one of those skiers was from Prior Lake. What? Paula or Jack Wollett? Paula. Pryor Lake. Yep. Paula Maltzen.

Maltzen? Yes. Yep. So, you know, they're piling up some metals. They're not golds, but what the hell do I... Well, they've got more coming, though. What am I going to say about it, Josh? What am I going to do?

Be a dick about it? No, I mean, I know that's your motto, but not when it comes to American pride. No, no, go ahead. Get your bronze medals, whatever. Happy for all of you. The United States Women's O'Lica, how do you say this? The United States Women's Hockey Club destroyed the Canadian ladies yesterday at the Olympics. Five nothing.

I don't think the best Canadian player was on the ice, though. She's hurt. She has three game-winning goals in gold medal games. That's pretty impressive. I believe the last name is Poulin. Yep. Would that be Dave Poulin's daughter? And I know 99.7% of you are saying, who's Poulin?

State of hockey. Dave Poulin played in the NHL for many, many years. I'm just stabbing at it. Is that Dave Poulin's daughter? No idea. Can someone jump on Wikipedia? I'm looking at it up. Thanks, Cubby.

But now that it dawns on me, Maybe Dave Poulin was an American player. And we're talking about a kid. No, he's Canadian. Okay. I'm looking for kids. I don't see kids so far. Maybe I'm just taking a guess.

He's got a wife? He does. Is he faithful? It doesn't say. I love to ask him. It matters, yeah. Well, I mean, today we've been talking about, you know. So the U.S. women's hockey team yesterday was their third straight shutout so far.

20 goals scored in the preliminary round. So they're just stomping a mud hole and everyone that crosses their path. They're heading into the quarterfinal rounds. Now, perhaps the United States and Canadian clubs will meet again with a medal on the line this time. Likely the gold medal game. Okay, I'm sorry, what the Canadian hockey player,

what was her last name? P-O-G. I have no idea. There's a Lindsay and a Taylor. Her name is Marie Phil. Philip Pullen. Okay. I see you, of Dave Pullen, I see it's got twins, Lindsay, and Taylor.

Well, there you go. I appreciate you looking it up. Oh, maybe he's the uncle. Appreciate you looking it up. Here's a fun fact. There's a Kylie as well. Marie Philippeoulin has a dog named Arlo. I'm sorry?

Thank you. Marie Philippeoulin has a dog named Arlo. Arlo? Where's the fun fact? Is it coming up? Yeah. I thought that was a cute name. Where the hell do you want us to take that?

I just thought it was of note, and I knew Ashley would appreciate it. I do. Thank you. Ah, man. I don't know anything about this. I just got a text message from a listener who says, did you see the guy who got his neck sliced by a skate at the Olympics? That's a hell of a way to go out. What are you talking about?

Somebody die on the ice? I did not see that. I would have thought that would be bigger news. Yeah. That was a totally family guy right there. Peter Griffin right there. I would have thought that would have been bigger news. Peter, or Ryan, don't.

The funny thing is I am starting to watch that show a little bit more recently in recent months. I didn't even mean for that to come across that way, but I am. It's a story of a certain ornithologic variety. No, I didn't hear about anyone getting their head cut off on the ice. I don't think that's, did not see anything about that. Unless it happened this morning early. That's terrible if that's what happened. My God.

Don't kid around about something like that. Let me see if this is the right clip. Brian, can I see that paper for a second? Huh, that's odd. I thought that would be big news. You thought what would be big news? Well, there seems to be an absence of a certain ornithological piece. A headline regarding mass awareness of a certain avian variety.

What are you talking about? Oh, have you not heard? It was my understanding that everyone had heard. Heard what? Brian, don't! Oh, well, I'm bad, bang, bang. We got in trouble for that. We used to play the bird as the word quite a bit,

and our old, old boss got real pissy for whatever reason. Because he's a jagoff. Yeah, he is. I mean, I haven't seen him in years, but I'd imagine he probably still is. I'm not seeing any text message is about anyone getting their head cut off on the ice. Don't play with us like that. What is this? Oh, someone says that's a new event at the Winter Olympics, slicing each other's heads off with ice skates.

Hmm. How about this? A dude called Philip Raymond. He's a ski jumper. Pulled a major upset at the Winter Olympics. He's frigging German. He won a gold medal, his first world title ever. German ski jumper, Philippe Raymond.

I guess the cute twist to all this is that Philippe has a fear of high. heights, yet he is a world-class ski jumper. That's impressive. How does that work? He says he's just got a little quirk, and he says from time to time, I have an issue with my fear of heights, but I just try to control it. Good for him. He flies more than 300 feet at speeds of up to 60 miles per hour, but he is scared of heights. last year he was in the middle of a competition and he quit.

Because the fear? Because the fear kicked in. Yeah. I wonder if it's kind of like what these gymnasts get sometimes with the... Twisties. The twisties. Yeah, I don't know. He just says it's a real thing and he tries his best to control it.

But like I said, last year he often walked away from a competition because it was scaring him so much. When you're ski jumping, the normal height, when you are normal ski jumping, that's a category, normal. If you watch tonight, maybe you'll see some of it. The height is 320 feet. The large category of ski jumping, you're 400 feet in the air when you shoot off that ramp. Crazy. As Ashley would say, to be scared of heights while staring at a jump that's 300 feet or higher, as Ashley would say, that is not ideal.

That is not. Ashley, some people are texting in asking if you could explain this ski jumping. Shut up. Shut up. You had a great explanation of what ski jumping is. Yeah, they go off this little jumping apparatus. Jumping apparatus. And they go real high and real fast.

Yep. It looks like they're flying and then they come back down. Super cool. If you've never seen it before, you should check it out. Okay, so people are sending links about the speed skater who, the Aussie speed skater got the neck cut. So apparently this was last year it happened. But the story's been coming up because he's competing this year saying,

hey, despite everything that happened. Speed skater. Was he bleeding out? Was he doing a Clint Milarchuk? Let's see. Was it particularly, did he come close to death like Clint Milarchuk? I'm looking to see how bad it was. I can see how that would happen if you fell down with other skaters.

Oh, of course. Yeah. Yep, that's what happened. Yeah, they crash into a wall. Yeah, those speed skates are large skates, too. I mean, that's super sharp. I can see. Oh, dude.

That would be awful. I, uh, no one has come closer to death than Clint Milarchuk. No. And if you are wondering, if you don't know what we're talking about, 1989 goaltender for the Buffalo Sabres, it's the worst thing that's ever happened, ever. Wolves Trailblazers tonight here in town. That's the final final. for the exciting All-Star break.

Well, we'll see which team shows up tonight. Right. Oh, right, right. Let's see if we can get two in a row here. Yeah, that's really what the second half of the season is going to be all about. Can they show up every night and be consistent? Because it's been pretty erratic. Wouldn't that be great to see this team just turn it around and be active as hell?

Again, I think the team motto for the team motto for the, the rest of the year should be move, bitch. That's all you've got to do on both ends of the floor. Just move. And we're getting down there now after tonight. I think we've got 26 games left. So, you know, but an all-star break, people think of it as a halfway point. It's not.

It's about the two-thirds break, two-thirds of the way through the season break. They've only got 26 games left after tonight. So, yeah, it's time to step on the gas now. Step on that gas, Cubby. Yeah. Here's a basketball game, a college ball game, that, Boy, they could have used us. They really could have.

The other night, someone called St. Francis played a game at Chicago State. All right? Here are the numbers. Says here, total players on the court, 34. If you add up all the players, starters and bench players, between St. Francis and Chicago State, there were 34 athletes on the court. Fans in attendance at the game. 27.

Mm. A day to a girl who played college hockey, and she said that was very similar. Back in the day, she said there was always more people on the bench and there were in the stands. It's apparently a true story. 27 people showed up to watch that ball game live. Yes, Brad. So even the parents started showing up. I didn't watch the Knicks Pacers game last night at all, but I was reading about it this morning.

I went to overtime the Pacers won 137 to 134. Apparently the game had 39 lead changes. Jesus. Wow. That would have been a good game to watch, apparently. Oh, God. Tell you, a good game to watch was that Nebraska-Purdue game last night. Yeah, I clicked. Freddie Hoyberg's team was down big, and they came back and sent it to overtime against Purdue.

They lost the game, unfortunately, for Nebraska. But, boy, that was a great basketball game. Two fun teams to watch. I saw that on my television guide, and I never got a real. round to it. So Freddie won? No, they lost in overtime, but they were down almost 20 and battled their way back to send it to OT. Watch both those teams a little bit too this year. Both those teams are probably going to make tournament runs, I would guess. Oh, for sure. They're both very, very good. You want to try to cover a brand new sport this morning? Apparently brand new for you.

You know, I tried that slap fighting garbage. Oh, my gosh. I gave it about 15 minutes. Are you talking about this driving into each other? Yes. Randy Schaber, that is where I'm going with this. Oh, my God. I saw this the other day. I couldn't watch it.

On the topic of new sports, I did try that slap fighting. Didn't grab me. Did you like it for a couple minutes? No. I did. Oh, really? Not at all. I thought it was kind of cool for a second or two.

I like contact sports just as much as the next swing and D. Cubby, but there has to be some level of athleticism in there somewhere. And slap fighting has zero athleticism. Yeah, I get what you mean. If I want to watch... You tried a meaning like you actually tried doing it with somebody. That's what I thought. No, we're waiting for you to show up in studio.

Then we're going to give it a show. I'm coming in that day. Bringing your pimp hand. There needs to be some activity, some athleticism. So, I mean, if I want to watch people slap fight, I'll just find my old Jerry Springer Too Hot for Television DVD. Those are great. Watch that again.

I tried car jitsu. Totally stupid. Yeah, that's pretty dumb. I mean, you've got to check them out, right? At least for a second or two. Two people try to choke each other unconscious in the front seat of a motor vehicle. Randy Schaber, Bradrider, have you tried car jitsu? No, I haven't.

I mean, watching it, I mean, is what I'm... I have not. The best underground contact sport going right now I saw on Pornhub. It's called Ultimate Surrender. But anyway, there's a new sport. Some of you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yep.

Yep. Well, but Randy said, yeah. Well, you've mentioned it before. Oh, oh, I have a... Maybe he's heard it. There's a new sport. Randy saw it. It's called the Run Nation Championship, RNC.

I think I have that right. They come out of Australia. And from what I saw, it's two people, usually two big blown-up, steroid-enhanced bull-moose-type-looking dudes, right? I saw quite a few hair buns on their heads. What do they call those again, Josh? Man bun? A douche not?

Duce not's the derogatory term. Didn't want to say that one. So it's usually two big bull moose, thick neck type characters. They're on a short stretch of artificial turf like you see at indoor NFL stadiums, like you see here at the New Metro Dome. One of them is carrying a football or a rugby ball or something. someone says ready, set, go, and the two of them run full speed at each other. No zigzagging, no deeking.

The goal is to hit the other dumb bastard with as much force as possible to straight up knock the life out of their body. I mean, it's basically suicide. The look, you know, the loser, just the look of bewilderment and not knowing where the heck they... I mean, you can see, like in the cartoons, the birds flying around their heads. They look completely lost as to what just happened. No helmets, no pads, maybe a mouth guard. There's an episode of The Simpsons once where Bart and Homer put huge pasta pots on their head

and run full force at each other as a game. And this is basically the real-life version of that. And that clip was to demonstrate just how dumb they both were. Right. So is this up on our website? Yes, it is. Yeah, every clip I'm watching of this, there's paramedics that jump in immediately right after somebody hits the ground. How stupid is this?

It is pretty stupid. Check it out on our website. In a couple videos of this that I watched, one or two of the morons that got knocked on their ass ended up sound asleep on the turf, and they're doing that Don Beebe, reaching for the sky type of a thing, like an enormous, helpless infant. So according to the story here, this is growing in popularity.

You get, it's called Run Nation Champion. Well, that's what they always say, Randy. Yeah, right. Well, Dana White hasn't he said, that slap fighting will be bigger than, you know, pretty much any other fighting sport? I always hear the same thing about slap fighting. I always hear, oh, it's growing in popularity. I've never heard a single live human beings say that they watch slap fighting on an even semi-regular basis.

Yeah, me either. I think like all of us, everybody watched a clip of it and said, nope, not for me. They always say it's growing in popularity. That's how they try to drag you in. Like Josh and I sometimes, Josh, you have something in your news report about, you know, a new pair of jeans that cost $75,000, right? And they say, well, they're sold out. They never are.

Because they made like six of them. Well, but it's BS. They're not sold out, but they're trying to get suckers to go, oh, God, they're sold out. Well, I better buy some. Yeah, video game companies have been doing that for years on system launches. Yeah, there's no way you're going to get this video game, right? Right, yeah.

They intentionally limit the availability, so people go crazy, and then the scalpers start selling them. People are like, oh, if everybody has this, I need to have it. Right. I have two questions. Yes, Brad Reiter. How many bones would be broken if I try to do this against? All of them.

Look like that. Yeah, those guys are giant. You'd be in some trouble. And how much money would it take for me to do it? You'd have to answer that. Why are you asking us? I don't know. Oh.

I'm asking you guys, would there be an amount of money that would. That sounds like me at home, where I have to ask my wife my opinion. Mm-hmm. How do I feel about this? I sometimes do that too, Josh, when it comes to foods, I'll say like, do I like that? You know, like a certain type of food because I don't know or I don't remember. Oh, my God. Josh, you're just so sad.

Oh, I like it. There's no responsibility. We had an intern years ago. We had an intern years ago. We sent them off to interview the foo fighters because God knows we didn't want to have that responsibility. And the intern got the foo fighters laughing. the intern, asked the foo fighters, do I like peanut butter?

So anyway, this RNC, this new collision sport, like boxing, it says here it has different weight classes. Most participants, called runners, have a background in combat sports, rugby, American football, or high school marching band. Well, you know, they might be dumb, but they're also pretty brave. I didn't see anybody flinch.

They went for it. Oh, they're so gassed up on drugs, I bet. Oh, I bet they are numb from their toes to their nose on dope. 100%. Of course, plenty of people have spoken up about how dumb this is. They feel like this league better set aside some wheelchairs and some drool bibs because dudes are going to end up with their neck's broken. Just dumb.

Brain fluid porn out of a crack in their skull. Yeah, somebody's going to die from that. They're going to die. You can check it out on what do you call it, 93X.com. What is this now? Ah, dang. Yeah, Flippy Dickie, Jesus, texted in and said. I was describing that infamous Don Beebe, NFL moment where he got knocked out cold

and he was reaching for the sky while unconscious, like a little baby looking for a bottle. Flippy Dickie Jesus said that's called the fencing response. It's a signal that the person has a brain injury. Oh. There you friggin' go. Yeah, that's always scary. When you see like an NFL player knocked out, their hands kind of go straight up. Yeah.

That makes my stomach. What's that just happened to a couple years ago? Oh, my gosh. Yeah, he's the most notorious. I don't think that guy has any brain left. I think it's all just. Tua Tungal over. Oh, dude, every time something has happened to him, I'm like just, that's it.

That's got to be it. But that's got, nope, you're coming back. All right. Flake football is going to be the Olympics, man. That might be the route for you at this point. Honestly, he just needs to sit on the couch, Dana. Yeah. Oh, man.

San Francisco 49ers lineman Keon White got shot in the ankle. Oh, no. Oh, ow. That's such an inconvenient place. And what did we just cover a couple months ago? The 49ers are the most injured team in all of sports. Yeah. This is two guys that have been shot in the off season in the last two years.

apparently this guy was wandering around Randy Schaver. Four in the morning. At four o'clock in the morning. Yep, nothing good happens at four in the morning. Nope. He's wandering around doing something or another at four o'clock in the morning, he got shot in the ankle. And last year, this wide receiver, Ricky Pearsall, got shot in his guts.

That was crazy. I mean, that was nuts that he... You saw the video, I'm assuming, when the paramedics were walking them over to the back of the ambulance? I don't recall. He looked like he just got punched in the stomach. The 49ers cannot catch a break. Shot in the ankle.

Jesus. Oh, boy, I bet you'd feel that. Yeah. That ankle bone? Can't even imagine. Ain't no cushion down there. No. You ever catch that pig on the corner of the bed frame?

Oh, God. That makes me so violent. There you go. I mean, you're down skis. We are getting closer and closer. closer to baseball. Yeah. As a matter of fact, from what I looked up last night,

the Twins will be playing their first spring training game next Saturday. I saw some photos of Joe Ryan on the mound already down there getting some work in. Joey Ryan? Looking good? God, he always looks good, Josh. Oh, you mean he's pitching? Yeah, no, it looked fine. Justin Verlander must not be a very bright guy.

Why? He must just be a stupid person. his age and considering what he's already accomplished in Major League Baseball, if any of us were Justin Verlander, we would retire and just sit at home by the pool with our super hot wife, whatever her name is Flopsy, whatever her name is. Katoopton. That's one way. Right?

Naked every day. They're giving them 13 million. I mean, that's hard to pass up too. Oh, he's got 300. $188 million. If you were Justin Verlander, you'd keep pitching for the money, Josh. Pardon me, your name is Brad Rider. When you got Flopsie at home?

Sure. I'll see if you're on the road trips. Yeah, why not? Sure. You guys are nuts. I mean, the Tigers lost Rees Olson for the year, so they lost one of their starters in the rotation. They signed Framber Valdez.

I mean, come on. I mean, they're just, they're going for it. And Verlander. Yeah, he sees an opportunity to win another race. Yeah. Yeah, I think the tigers are setting themselves up to be one of the best teams of the AL. You guys are. Josh.

Another year of pitching baseball, Josh, another year of baseball pitching baseball pitching. Josh, another year of baseball pitching. I don't know how to put that. Or Flopsy at the pool. Flopsy. Right. 100%. I mean, we've seen what he can do.

Oh, man. I wouldn't even have to think about it for longer than a half-sum. No, which way are you going, Ashley? Flopsy. Flopsy. I'd leave mid-season once I hit whatever the financial planner says, whatever the number is. Yeah.

Like even if it was like four innings into a game. Yep. I get it. It's a lot of money and the tiger's rotation needs help, blah, blah, blah. Jesus, what's what's the matter with you? But it's Flopsy. But Flopsy can come on the road trips. Yes.

It's not like you are secluded from Flopsy during the baseball season. I'm staying home and I'm convinced. and Flopsy to invite a lot of her girlfriends over to the pool, too. Yeah, I want to be the best partner she's ever had in her life. By the way, you're pitching one day out of the month, out of the week. That's one day away from her. Maybe he's concerned that after he's done pitching Flopsy isn't going to like them as much anymore. Right.

Nick, yes. Flopsy invites three of our hottest friends over. Are we at the pool? Yeah, we're at the pool. Nice. You just get done. You're oiling them all up. and everything like that.

What are their names, the three hottest friends? You got Flopsy. Oh, Vera? Yep. Trinity? Yep. Trinity. Yeah, Trinity.

Bambi. Yeah, Bambino. The great Bambino. Yeah, Justin Verlander is going to go ahead. And he's going to try at least one more season in the Biggs. he signed a contract with the Tigers. Right. You guys know I get more and more aggravated by how loosely the word legend

gets thrown around in the sports world today. Hell, the other day I read something like Dallas Cowboys Legend, Tony Roma. No. No. God. Tony Romo is not a legend. He played the game. He might have even played it well now and again.

But you have to be truly great or truly unique to be a legend. I don't know how much more clear we can be about this. Yeah. We can all agree on this, I'm sure. Nolan Ryan is a legend. Yeah. Yes. I think, Nick, what qualifies you as a legend, at least in one way, is if you made the Hall of Fame.

Sure. If you're a Hall of Fame player to me, then I think you can say that you're a legend. I'll explore using the word on you if you make the Hall of Fame. Yes. Nolan Ryan, might be a hopeless moron away from the field. I have no idea, but there's no question that he put together a legendary career. 27 years in the big leagues, seven no hitters, all-time strikeout leader. No one will ever match him until the end of time.

No. If you're a little older, you might remember a game that Nolan Ryan was pitching back in 1990, pitching for the Texas Rangers. No, not when he drummed on Robin Ventura's skull. This was a different game. In the second inning, designated. hitter, Bo Jackson. Hmm.

Yes, a legend. Yeah. A video game legend, too. In the second inning, designated hitter for the Kansas City Royals, Bo Jackson smacked a sharp one hopper back to the mound. Nolan Ryan wasn't able

to field it cleanly. The baseball busted his lower lip open for him. Two inch gash in his lower lip, cubby. Two inches. That's an eternity for a guy like you. Heck yeah. Ryan picked up the ball, threw Jackson out at first base, and kept pitching.

He was spitting blood all over his jersey out there on the bump for five more innings. He went seven. He didn't allow a run all the time. Plasma pouring down his jersey. He left the game with a one-zero lead in the eighth inning. After the ball game, he had a cold beer, and then he allowed the training staff to put six stitches in his yap. That's awesome. A legendary performance. Where I'm going with all this, we love a good baseball game giveaway, don't we?

Mm-hmm. This baseball season at the Rangers ballpark at a home game in May, the Rangers appropriately hosting the Kansas City Royals that night, all fans will receive a bloody Nolan Ryan replica Rangers jersey to honor that great performance from 36. years ago. That's so sweet. That's great. I did not see a picture of what the jersey looked like, but it's going to have fake blood all over it with Rangers on the front and Ryan on the back. They kind of matched it up almost perfectly as to where the blood was and the exact kind of style and design

of where it fell in his jersey. They just mimic it on the T-shirt. It looks pretty cool. That's awesome. Those are going to be on eBay for sure. I think we mentioned this last week. The Chicago White Sox went overseas and snatched up a big shot Japanese home run hitter, a dude by the name of Minnetaka Burakami. And the Sox training staff and whatnot was putting together their clubhouse there

at their spring training facilities. And people are trying to make fun of the Sox because they misspelled Mirakami's name tag above his locker. For God's sake, you try it. You know what I mean? So they screwed up Minotaka Miracami. I'm going to give him a little leeway on that, wouldn't you? Doesn't seem easy.

No. I would just put new guy. Yeah. They misspelled his first name as Munitaki instead of Munitaka. I bet you the dude who had to spell Menkavich in the Twins locker room, didn't? Double check that a couple times. Yeah, that's got to be miserable, some of those names. I remember having to write that, type that in a press.

at least more than one. Oh, gosh. I have to double check that. M-I-N-T-K-I-W-I-C-Z. You got it, yep. That's one of the most... It's one of the most complex last names I've ever seen in my life. Yeah.

Imagine having that in front of you, that in Sheshefsky and saying, how many opportunities would it take you to pronounce those names correctly? Right. With the way they're spelled. Right. The dude who had to spell Mankovich in the Twins' locker room, he did not have it easy back in those days. I'm sure he effed it up once or twice.

A few of my best bros growing up had very difficult names. I don't know why we were so lucky or unlucky, but these are some of my oldest and best friends from growing up. Difficult names to spell. Zarnikki was one of them. Oh, that's cool, though. I like the sound of that. Probilski.

Hmm. P-R-Z-Y-B-Y-L-S-K-I. Hitchon, Aristides. Those were four of my best friends growing up. and all of them. It took practice if I ever had to actually spell their last names. Aristides almost sounds like some type of philosopher from way back in the day. There is Greek as Greek can be.

I had an ambadigis. God. Say that again? Mckevich. And I had Prisinski. Prisnese is not that hard. Give us that friend of yours name again? Ambedegis.

Is that Greek? Yeah, it's Greek. Ambedegis. Mm-hmm. It's not spelled like that, though. My pal, the Aristides, I've told you about their dad, one of my idols, and he's still kicking. Their dad was my friggin' hero when we were kids. A hockey coach for us.

And, you know, give me a break. I was only like seven, but I played soccer for him, too. And that's the legendary story I've told before where Mr. Aristides was our head coach, a bunch of seven-year-old kids sitting in a circle before our championship soccer game. and he said, if you win, I will buy all of you penthouse magazines. And how old were you again? Seven or eight. That's awesome.

And he looked into our eyes and said, if you lose, and he made a scissors motion with his fingers, if you lose, I cut your sausages off. Sounds like a movie. How to turn out? We lost in overtime. Oh, no. Was that the most heartbreaking loss you experienced that season? Yeah, he lost his sausage.

That season? Nick became eunuch that day. Dude, I wanted that Penhouse magazine. Oh, I wanted it bad. The one in my dad's buddy's fish house, I'd already gone through that some bitch. 100 times.

I wanted myself a fresh penhouse magazine. You had that one memorized. Yeah. The Flopsy was in it, probably. I remember the gal in the centerfold was from Indiana. That much I do remember. I'm telling you the friggin' truth.

I know she was from Indiana somewhere. Maybe French lick. You guys are great. But we got to go. We got to go. Thanks, Brad. Thanks, Randy.

You bet. We will be back before you know it here on the Half-Ass Morning Show. The 93-X Half-Azed Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should, too.

An AC-tune-tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930.

Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Action. Next role with Vernon Davis. I'm your host Vernon Davis. Okay, y'all, thank you. Thank you. That's the matter.

Today we have Dietrich Wise. Through my example, on the field, off the field, during game day and practice. That was one way that I led because then led to success. Next role isn't about what's next. It's about why they do it. My man, Bobby Bones. Like, I've had a lot of stuff happen, bad and good. And so I don't have any fear of mixing it up.

That's powerful, man. Next role with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. All right, what a day we're having around here. Josh doesn't seem particularly happy, but I think it's been pretty good so far. Yeah, I'm in a bad mood. I'm sorry to take it out on you guys. Hope everyone's feeling good.

We thank you for listening to the 93-E. Half-Hast Morning Show. Anyone hungry? Always. I'm doing all right. The reason I ask is I went down the hall to take a squeege, and there's a single cheese it laying on the floor. If you pounce now, I bet it can be all yours.

Dibs. Especially if it's extra toasty. Single cheese it laying on the floor in the hallway. Are those the ones where it was a mistake? Yeah. Left it in the baker too long or something, and by that I mean like the oven, not the person making them. Yeah.

And then they turn out they were delicious. Yeah. All right, you silly bastards. In a new report, 34% of people who own a car say they'd be embarrassed for someone they know to look inside their vehicle right now. I guess maybe a little bit.

I looked in your vehicle a couple of mornings ago, Ashley. There's a lot of crap in there. Yeah, it's a little messy right now. That was the case for me about two weeks ago before I upgraded my car. I had just an absolute disaster of a car, and I treated it that way. And a coworker saw me in the parking lot,

get into my car and came up and started talking to me. I'm sitting there with the door open. I'm like, I'm so embarrassed. There's crumpled up wrappers. There's cans of soda crumpled up. Just trash everywhere. Like some loose French fries on the floorboard. I'm like, oh, man, they just think I'm the biggest trash person now.

Yeah, I've gotten over it, though. I'm like, whatever. My car is usually cleaned for like two months out of the year when I eventually clean it. And then, you know, I try to stay on top of it. But now that's completely gone because usually the reason I can stretch that is because when I get out of my car, then I'll be like, okay, grab the stuff, grab all your trash, put it away, you're good. But now I don't get that chance because I've got like a negative amount of time to get my child out of the car seat or else I'm going to,

he seems like he's going to kill me. So I don't get a chance to throw my crap away. Something tells me you can take him. I don't think I can. If there's a physical comfort. Yeah, you know, sloppy cars, messy cars, usually it's a sign that you've got kids. But Ashley, we all know that your car was kind of a grotesque sight even before you had a child. And I love a clean car.

Like, it makes me so happy once it is clean. It's just getting it done. I don't know. I've never had that problem. I've always kept my cars presentable. No trash, empty bottles, all that. I've never been, I've never gotten into that bad habit. So 34% of people would be embarrassed if someone looked in their vehicle right now.

Random clothing. A lot of them have random clothing in the car. Josh, I know you don't have this problem either. No, not at all. You guys know me and anal. I'm very anal about it. As a matter of fact, like when we were just embrained over the weekend for a basketball tournament and we drove separately, I came up a day later. And my son wanted to ride home with my wife because she lets.

him eat in the car and it shows her i'm embarrassed to get in her car like i don't like to be in her vehicle because it's always disgusting i mean food all over the place trash like when she gets out of her vehicle in our garage there's always something left behind a wrapper of some sort some sort of like beverage or something so i have to clean the garage floor constantly oh man josh i can attest of your car like i said in the past i'm uh an experienced customer of uber josh i've been in your truck a few times. It looks like it was just off the factory lot. It's beautiful. It's beautiful in there. And you can tell like it's wiped down and clean. Like the big, that big honking screen you have that's a bigger to my laptop. You know, there's no

finger smudges on it. Like it's just, it's, it's impeccable. I bet it smells good. Here's a listener. Josh's car? Yeah. Oh, I think it smells kind of funny. It doesn't smell funny. Yeah, there's an odd smell. Like Ken. You're weird today. There's always been an odd smell in your car. There hasn't. So yeah, uh, clothing. Here are some of the problems, some of the garbage that average people leave in their motor vehicle. Clothing, trash and food wrappers, you mentioned, bottles and cans. And I've got, over the years, I've had plenty of friends who had disgusting interiors of their motor vehicles.

My favorite was the dude who had, I'm going to say, four inches of ash and cigarette butts, four inches above the very top of the... So it's like an iceberg. Yes. My uncle had that. When they opened the windows, it was a disaster. Exactly. That's exactly where I was going with it.

So the ashes and the cigarettes have cleared the lid of the ashtray by four inches. You roll a window down. It's the world's worst snow glow. So I've seen a little bit of everything. We all have, right? Yeah. The last thing mentioned in here, as far as common garbage in your car, the last thing mentioned here is the only thing that really kind of grosses me out.

I grew up with cigarettes and ashes, dirty clothes, cans and bottles. That doesn't bother me. It's when there's actual food items on the floor or on the seat. You can make out a part of a sandwich or a baked bean or something. That gross is my cold, old food. It's frozen. Yeah. It's winter.

Speaking of cans and bottles, I had a not-so-proud moment a couple years ago. I got pulled over. and it was early in the morning and there was crap everywhere and I guess my car smelled like weed and makes sense I was smoking weed at that time and usually when I would partake it was in my vehicle and the guy was like I smelled like weed

and I was like yeah I knew this was coming and so he was like I'm going to search your vehicle and I was like all right I'm sorry in advance because it was bad like it was some of the worst it's ever been and this was in the middle of the winter and he starts pulling out like cans and bottles of of empty alcohol.

And I wasn't drinking a drive and it was just like, you know, you're out somewhere and you throw your empties in like your backseat or your trunk. Maybe from the camping trip from six months prior or something. Yeah, exactly. Or like tailgating.

And he pulls out like an array of different cats. Like he's like, I got a... Natty Light. Honey vice over here. A car bliss. So we got a... a Guinness can.

And he was like, when were these fraud? Like, why, what's up with this? And I was like, well, that one's a honey vice. So that probably was like in the summertime. That was months ago. That's a winter beer. So that one's relatively new. Did you get in trouble?

No, the guy was like, come on. He's like, here, I got a ticket for speeding. But he was like, do me a favor and clean your car. Like, this is ridiculous. Yeah, you kind of probably feel bad for her. This is a warning to get your life together. Oh, I was like, ah, sorry. man. It's like when Peter Griffin opens his car door, I can't pull it over in the beer can just keeps spilling out.

Yeah, it's like, I promise I'm not drunk right now. Half of us say that our, the current state of our motor vehicle's interior is a fair reflection of our personality, for better or for worse. I don't know, I got problems. I mean, I even organize, like, the center console. I organize the glove compartment. I don't know, I get kind of stupid about stuff. Or even one of those people that has their radio presets and numerical. order? Yep. Yep. I can't. Yeah, I don't even do it in order that I listen to. Yeah, I got to have it in numerical order. I love that about you. I wouldn't say that is true because I'm really anal about my house. I like my house to be organized. It's not at the moment. You don't care so much about the car. Yeah, the car just, it doesn't feel the same. I am everywhere. Where is the smell coming from, Josh?

There's no smell in there and you need to stop it. Although somebody said they were in my car and it did smell a bit like updog. It smelled like what? Up dog, he said. Well, what's up dog? I don't know, dog. What's up with you? Here are some of the odd items currently in somebody or another's motor vehicle. All right.

So you got the garbage, you got the empty beer cans, you got the one-hitter's, random clothing, food on the floor of the... Here are some of the more odd things that people have had. are currently rolling around in their motor vehicle. How do you say it, Josh? Motor vehicles? While you're coughing, 64C10, Jesus said, as a former dealership mechanic turned city worker,

I do not miss all the nasty trash drugs, condoms, dildos, vibrators, and bullsemen coolers that I have seen in customers' vehicles. I thought I had a bad at Enterprise when people would drop off their cars, you know, come back from vacation. And they're trying to keep it clean. There would be so much trash in there, but that's nothing. I didn't see any bullsemen coolers. That individual does what for a living?

Used to be a dealership mechanic. Oh. I'll bet you see some pretty gross stuff. A Sammy Sosa bobblehead doll. This is so random. Is currently rolling around in someone's motor vehicle. Sammy Sosa last played professional baseball. What would you say?

2004 or something like that? Yeah, around there. Uncash lottery tickets. Oh, yeah. That's where they go to die. I even have one of my husband's truck somewhere. You're talking about scratch-offs? Yeah, I think it was like a temple.

buck winner. If you find that, turn it in. One of the greatest stories I ever heard, and this was on national television. It wasn't like I heard it at the Wise Head Allegiant about a cat who regularly played the big lottery stuff. I've never spent one single solitary penny on

anything lottery related, so forgive me if I sound wildly uneducated. This guy played the big, big, big bangers. Powerball. I'll go along with it. Hundreds of millions of dollars. Yeah. he was also the type of guy who left a lot of stuff in his car.

And he drove a lot with the windows down. He lived in the South summers. So he sits in front of his television. He watches the numbers come up for the power ball. And he's in his pockets like, well, I bought a ticket today. Where the hell is it? Can't find his ticket. There's like a month leeway or some amount of time they give you.

Yeah. To contact the lottery department, right? He's looking all over the house. He's going nuts. And a couple weeks go by. He gave up. He's driving to and from to work. He gave up.

Obviously, I lost a ticket. He finds that ticket on the dashboard of his frigging pickup. Somehow, that little flaky little piece of paper didn't blow out the windows as he's driving back and forth. Everything he did. Work, social stuff. Somehow that ticket did not blow. off the dash and he ended up winning 388 million, whatever, he won. That's awesome.

He had the winning numbers. That's, I mean, I'm not the most religious person in the world, but that's someone looking after you. Absolutely. Half-assed morning show, 93X. Yeah, you know how it is for some of us, the interior of our motor vehicles are a straight-up trash pile. You got food and trash and beer cans, diapers, adults.

or otherwise, the interior of some of your motor vehicles is a straight up trash can. We've been talking about that the last few minutes. Outside of the trash, there are some just bizarre items that some of you have rolling around back and forth in your motor vehicle for no good reason. Before we get to that, like for instance, Josh, one of our listeners texted in and said, I've got no excuses. currently there is a ball of yarn rolling around in my motor vehicle. Before we get to that, I mentioned as a clean of a character as he is, there's a weird stink in the interior of Josh's motor vehicle.

There is no weird stink in there. Someone texted in and said, is it the smell of guilt? Well, guilt has the smell. It's probably in there. You're a Catholic guy. You've been riddled shame and guilt. Hating my performance on the morning. show on the way home from work.

If that has an odor... Well, that pours out of you. If that has an odor, it's in there. How about this? Subaru parts, Jesus said he's been in a dealership for the past 24 years, had a lady with a brand new car, came in for her first oil change, completely packed with trash. She told the service advisor there was a cat living in there,

so don't roll the windows down. Their tech pulls it in the stall and out of the trash popped the head of a kitty. He said it was crazy. Oh, my God. I got to be honest with you, I would love a car, Kiti. Just a trash cat running around there. He just stays in there and we just ride places together. Doesn't come in the house.

Now, someone texted and said, I should take it easy on Cubby because he says sometimes people with weight problems can't always reach all of those spots in the shower. Oh, yeah. Where here are some of the other odd items people have in their vehicles. Old Halloween decorations. Somebody's fake leg. Somebody's. Well, specifically their husbands.

Yeah, okay. Well, I just remember one weird that's kind of fitting right now because Friday's Friday the 13th. Ashley, for a while, you had a Jason Vorhe's hockey mask in the backseat of your car. Yeah, I did. That was in there for a grip. Yeah. I can't remember how I acquired that.

You pull it off of his face as he was trying to kill you? Yeah. Rob a kid on Halloween, maybe. Beat him up and stole. And you'd take his candy, then to add insult to injury. You take his mask, too. I had a dodo in my car for a really long time because of this place. His name's Jeremy.

We know him. Bogous. By the way, this Friday is Friday the 13th. Yes, it is. Did you know that? Do you guys see that one? Yeah, they're doing a bunch of tattoo deals around town. Didn't I just say that?

Huh? Yeah. You did? Uh-huh. Oh, I tune you out sometimes. Oh, okay. That's fair enough. Did you really say this Friday's Friday?

Yeah, I said this is fitting what I saw in Ashley's car seen as Friday's the 13th. He's telling the truth, Cubs. He speaks so fast. Did it sound better when I said it or when he said it? It's close. Was it pretty close? But yeah, Dildo in my car. And then one of my buddies, we...

Now, that was because we were getting them for free in the building here. Yeah, and I'm talking like, oh, gosh, months went by. And then my buddy saw it in my back seat. One time we were leaving the bar and then he stuck it to my back window, the inside of my back window. So it was a suction cup, Dildo. Yeah, it stayed there for a couple more months. It would be a good hood ornament.

We got a text here just two days before Friday the 13th that says, I have an ice scoop floating around under my driver's seat, which has been there since my wedding. I got married three years ago. An ice scoop. Did you steal that as a momento? Stole it from somebody's fish house? Oh, I was thinking like for drinks, an ice scoop. Oh, I was picturing ice fishing.

That makes sense, too. Yeah, I was picturing for drinks from the wedding. Oh, I don't know what that is. I didn't know there was such a thing called an ice scoop for cocktails. Someone currently, for no good reason, has a. dog stroller in their car. I have a cat stroller. My mom has one for her dog.

I love that little thing. It's cute. I've only seen the cat stroller, never a dog stroller. It's basically the same thing. Yeah, it's the same thing. I'd imagine for those little tiny dogs. Yeah, she's got two little princesses. Cassette tapes.

Boy, I miss having that big bucket of cassette tapes in the front seat of my motor vehicle. I do. My car has a place where you can actually put CDs. You don't see that too often. anymore yeah they used to build a little rack right is that what that was more like in the center console is that oh no i was talking about like just i have a like you can insert them no you can i can actually like insert CDs into my radio you have a CD player your car has a CD player oh i wasn't sure if it was still considered a CD player if it was in the car if it had like a fancier word for it

or something cd player's good yeah i would have understood that a lot easier i'm so sorry someone has got some false teeth in their car jams and jelly Oh, that's useful. A camping shower. That could be useful, too. You never know, I guess. So there's some of us that are filthy. Some of us go the other way.

Hell, there's one listener here who texted in to say. He puts towels over his floor mats because he doesn't even want his floor mats, even in the winter. Oh, wow. To get a little bit of salt. I would be afraid that I'd get my fake work boots wrapped up, tangled up in that towel,

and I'd cause the death of a dozen kids on a school bus. Yeah, like your foot slips. Yeah. Oh, have you guys ever had that experience where you're driving and something kind of gets rattled around and goes... Oh, yeah. Oh, that is so scary.

Yeah. Bottle. Dog, had a dog down there once. Yeah, stuff gets real serious and something like that happens. Nick, what do you call those long tube light bulbs that they used to smash each other over the back with an ECW? I'm going to go with fluorescent light bulbs. Yeah. Yeah.

We had to change some. of those in the basement, so I had a couple, three, four of them, and I guess you can't throw them away. You've got to recycle them. So I put them in my trunk, and they were there for about a year and a half. Should you just do what I do. You just put them in, like, a corner of your house and then move them around every couple months. Well, just drive over a bridge and throw them into a river. Yeah, that should have done that. That'd be fun. Just launch it like a javelin. Were you able to defeat Kenny Omega or not in that?

Well, that's thinking when I was taking them out, I texted a photo to my buddies that said, Who wants to come over and play King of the Death Match with me? Got some good fluorescence here. I remember one of you. Those are so toxic, aren't they? I think so, yeah. And what a paint in the ass. You know, when I moved into the house that I'm living in now,

everything was those long-ass fluorescent bulbs. So I had 30 of them. And I had no idea you're not allowed to throw them away. I had him stacked up in the trash can. My wife said, no, you can't do that. So I had to drive all the way to the stupid recycle plant because of these dump. Josh, one of our listeners lives in the country. So sometimes because of what he does for a living, he gets a little corn in his truck.

And he found a mouse carcass trapped under his format. Oh, I bet that reeked. A mouse was having the time of his life, though, for a little while. Oh, I would have thrown up everywhere. I do love corn. Yeah, boy, when those mice are rotting, that's so gross. I'm so glad I've never experienced that. Oh, it's terrible.

You'd know for sure. One of our listeners' dog has been dead for five years. The leash is still in this car. Oh, God, is the dog connected to it? No. We got to go. Yeah. Congratulations to Ford Nut, Jesus, and the Misses.

They brought a new Jesus to the sisterhood last Monday. That's awesome. Happy birthday to retired Air Missile Defense Jesus. Papa Smurf Jesus said he'd like a birthday shout out for his brother, Travis, and to quote, now these are his words, not mine. Get a job, you bum. Happy birthday to junkin fools, Jesus. And one more time, thank you so much for the nice messages yesterday

about hitting 27 years of mediocre morning radio. Couldn't have happened to a nicer group of people. And we also really appreciate our coworkers. They gave us a nice surprise after the show with an unexpected party, which was a special moment for us. So thank you for that as well. Have a happy hump day. The 93X half-assed morning show.

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