93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Mystery Bloodbath

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

Originally Aired March 2, 2026: My micro-penis is smaller than yours! Most popular movie franchises. Everything you wanna know about taser fights.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-Hap-ass morning show. 90. Where you are? Where are we? Work, bro.

Josh. We're at work, bro. Where are we? It's so early. And it's March already. When the hell did that happen? Yesterday. Who decided that?

Just yesterday. When did we cross paths with this March? Over the weekend. It happened over the weekend? I'll be damned. I got to pay the bills. what that means. Get your glasses on your checkbook out.

Yeah, I remember those days. I got to pay the frigging bills. He'd be over here with a stack of bills writing checks. I'd never seen anything like that in my adult life. Maybe when I was a kid and my mom would be at the kitchen table, but seeing Nick there to writing out checks and put them in the mail, that fascinated me. That's funny, yeah, you bring back good memories to see my folks sitting there arguing over.

Well, which bills should we pay this month? Extremely stressed out. Can't pay both. This is where I used to pay the bills. for whatever reason I could never get myself mentally ready for something like that at home. So I'd bring in my big stack of bills here to work. You know, after we'd get off the air, there'd be a little quiet time. And, yeah, I'd write out my checks.

And you could mail it from here. It was very convenient. They got a mailbox here. I got my stamps. I got my checkbook. A little licky lick here. A little autograph there. So it's March 2nd already.

I got to get on that. Thanks for reminding me. Welcome to the Half-Hast Morning Show. We're settled in, I guess, as best we can be for our Monday program. How you doing, Cubby? Good. How about yourself? I'm all right.

Did you have a terrific weekend? You know, pretty uneventful for the most part. Although my son had a basketball tournament on Saturday, and I saw something that I'd never seen before all the years going to youth sports. Oh, wow. Well, I know a town you were in, so I can understand. why you saw some of you never seen before. Oh, I didn't consider that. Yeah, I was in Burnsville. Maybe this is a normal occurrence in Burnsville.

Something you've never seen afore at a youth sports tournament. Okay, can I take a guess? Yeah, go ahead. Every parent at the game or the tournament behaved 100% without making a single sound. Well, at our games, yes. Oh, yeah, everyone behaved themselves? Yeah, the game right before the first game of ours. kids smoking on the court. Nope, nothing like that.

Good guy. There was two kids kicked out and two parents almost kicked out. We weren't in. The gym isn't very big, so we weren't in there. We just kind of saw the aftermath. Or I should say, as they're disciplining folks, we could kind of hear what was going on. Some kids were kicked out of the tournament? Two kids had to sit.

Yeah. What was it that you saw you'd never seen before? A mystery bloodbath timeout. Never seen something like that before. A kid got a bloody nose? We don't know. So here's, all of a sudden, it was kind of tough to tell what was going on, but they stop, and I see one of the refs is disgusted.

Everyone's looking around, and so we realize, as we're kind of figuring out what happened, somebody was bleeding all over the uniforms and on the ground, right, on the court. Must have been a, did you know those kids who would get massive, like, hemorrhaging bloody noses? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's always one. Yeah. Some of my kids, they're friends who all over. a sudden would just be, you know, their nose would turn on like a faucet out of nowhere.

So it sounds like some kid sprung a leak. Yeah, and everyone's looking around. So my son had got cut up because Wolverine was on the other team, some kid who does not groom his nails and he cut up a few of the kids. And so, you know, my son's looking at his arm because the ref did warn him, hey, if you get any more blood on your uniform, you're out. Yeah, there's no blood in the game anymore. No.

I had no idea that that was so strong. I mean, I understand, certainly, but I never considered it. I've never seen that happen. So my son's freaked out, right? I see him. He's got his arm, like, way out to the side because he does want to get kicked out of the game. And he just had some scratches, and I thought, well, there's no way because it was all over the ball, I guess. It was everywhere.

And so you see all these kids standing out there, like look, checking their arms, touching their nose. All right, who's bleeding boys? Nobody could figure it out. What? And so finally, one of the kids on the other team realized, oh, it's me. And I don't know where it came from. Like you said, Nick, it's got to be the nose. Yeah.

There's nothing else. obvious. So they stopped the game. There's like a mom out there with some wet wipes. Of course. I mean, like this, it was good comedy watching one of the refs because he was disgusted. Like he requested somebody go out to their car and get a different basketball. Some folks are very troubled by the sight of blood. Yeah, he really had an issue with it. I felt bad for him. Maybe he was one of them. I thought if you bled during a ball game, they'd just patch you back up. And, you know, as long as you get patched up proper, you can go back out.

So they eventually did. Well, I'm assuming I don't know what kid it was. It was one of the kids on the opposing team. But, yeah, I'd never seen everybody out there. Like, parents are checking their kids wondering, where did this mystery blood come from? Dude comes back out with, you know, some cotton up his nose. Sure.

It's the weirdest thing. And I also heard one guy say, I don't know the context, but, man, the last thing I need is just one more baby mama. And that's how I thought, yeah, we're in Burnsville. I wonder how many he has. know. A player? No, this was a parent. You overheard one parent say to another, the last thing I need is another baby mama. One more baby mama. Was it my cousin? No, it wasn't your cousin. Because that should be his motto. Yeah, I saw who it was afterwards and I thought, well, I could see he probably has a couple. He's a

handsome guy. My cousin isn't. Well, it depends on which one. You've got a couple good-looking cousins. This is the one who's made all the babies. We were talking about him over the weekend. He's got a lot of, He's got a lot of babies and a lot of baby moms. I love him, and he is a handsome guy. Yeah, you've got one cousin that looks like a movie star. We're at your mom's funeral. I thought, oh, somebody invited a movie star. More like mafia.

Yeah, like he could play like a handsome mafia member, for sure. So you had fun at the youth basketball tournament despite all the plasma. Yeah, it was unique. It was unique. Well, that's good. I took my life into my own hands yesterday. Yeah, you mentioned you went to Burnsville. Yeah, that was Saturday.

I did text data and told them. how I felt about him, you know. Just in case. Now what? What happened now? So a buddy of mine and I were going to meet up yesterday. And he's like, hey, I'm actually giving my daughter a driving license. She got her permit on Wednesday.

Sure. It's like, do you mind if we swing by and pick you up? So I thought, sure. So we had an old helmet that I put on just to be safe. Right, I walked out there with a helmet on. What kind of a helmet? It was a football helmet. Mask?

You got a cage or not? Well, no, it didn't fit quite right. Right, because it was from my son when he played maybe, I don't know, in fifth grade. So I looked like a cone head more than anything. But, you know, safety first. How was the ride with the 15-year-old kids? She's great. She's a natural.

When I had a... At one point or another, I had a 1974 AMC Gremlin. Brough. Three speed. My dad got it from an Iwoegeon that he knew. And I believe this was around 19. 1990. My dad got that Gremlin in trade. I think it was for $25 and a case of beer. My dad got that car in trade. And it was such a pile that Big Al and I used to put on motorcycle. Motorcycle is how you say at Helmets when we would drive it around town.

As a joke or? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And everyone got to be a little older to get the joke. but everyone started calling us the Malachi brothers. That's funny. I had my racing helmet on and so did Big Al, no matter where we went in my little AMC Gremlin. So you rode with a 15-year-old kid and she did well. She did great, yeah. And I'll tell you what, my buddy, he's a great teacher.

And I can tell by the way he was looking down at his phone texting the entire time. Like I wanted to jump in a couple times. That takes confidence right there. Yeah, well, he's just so laid back. He's like, I guess she'll figure. At one point, I think he even said, she'll figure it out. See here, some people are texting in about their baby mamas. Oh, Lord.

That would be so stressful. What would be stressful? To have multiple baby mamas? Just one, honestly. To have one baby mama. Having to co-parent with somebody that sounds exhausting. I give tons of credit. Oh, you mean, okay, you're split up.

Sounds tough. You're sharing the raising of the child. I understand. Nightblood Jesus has one baby mama. Who's got the most baby mamas in our listening audience? 651 right now, of those of you who are listening, because it's awful early. 651-1-98-933. Be honest with us. Who out there? Which one of you has the most baby mamas? So your cousin that has all those babies? How many baby mamas?

God, you know, my sister's so. good at this kind of stuff. She remembers every little detail about every relative. They're significant others. Their children, the children's names, all of this stuff. I can guess. I think it's four.

That's pretty good. I think the final tally is nine or 10 kids, four baby mamas? I think that's, yeah. He just pumps back and forth, Cubby. I guess so. You know what he hates more than anything?

Rubbers. Condoms. Yeah. But he rules. Somehow the dude makes it cool. I don't know how he does it, but he makes it look cool. He's got a big friggin, big friggin' van. He needs to.

Like you see the old folks riding in when they go to the casino. Yeah. He's got a tent-seater. Oh, hell yes. And he puts all those kids back there. Shut up. But he puts it and drive. They go all over town.

Somehow he makes it look cool. Roofing Jesus says three baby moms. Mamas and it sucks. Oh, man. I just text my wife because my wife, as you guys know, she has a half-sister she never knew about, right? My wife found out she was the second family. When did she find this out? Maybe if she's listening, she can text that too. I thought she was a teenager or maybe just before she was a teenager. Fascinating. She found out that her dad had a completely different family. Yeah, and she's thinking, I can't believe dad cheated on mom and to realize, oh, wait, we're the second family, you know?

where she thought she was the first. But her half-sister has a ton of kids. I thought it was even like in the 10 or more range. Whoa. So maybe I'll find out. But I think it's a couple of dads in there too. Okay, so far, the top number, I've seen a couple of characters text in this morning

claiming to have five baby mama. That's a, that is a... That's a lot to manage. That's more than anyone. one would ever ask for. I have three kids with seven baby mama. The math isn't working. It makes a lot of sense.

Just as long as you don't think about it at all. So far the number is five. Appreciate you calling in or texting in, sorry. And being honest with us on this, because it's very interesting to me. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know my cousin. I don't know how much contact he has with all of these baby

Mamas, I don't know how it works for him. You know, if they're all, like Ashley said, co-parenting, right, all of them, I bet his telephone never stops ringing. Yeah. Unbelievable. It's like a work phone. Just keeping track of everything. Yeah, confusing.

The schedules of the birthdays. Remembering names, remembering birthdays, remembering. This woman said my sister has five baby daddy's eight kids. There you go. There you go. God be with you.

So there's a new movie out from the Scream folks. Scream is back in the mix. We talked about it a little bit last week. We heard it suck dags, didn't we? Yeah. Yeah. It's the seventh damn movie in the franchise history. Damn.

I still want to see it, even though, you know, people are saying it absolutely sucks. I read what it happens. This is incredibly corny. Is it? Yeah. That's great. Well, you know, it was the highest debut of any of the scream movie. even though everybody said it was terrible.

I only saw the first two. Yeah, they're fun. They're always fun, especially the early ones, but I think they're kind of running out of steam at this point. But like you said, Josh, had a bunch of money, so they'll keep pumping them. Oh, I'm sure. The seventh, I had no idea.

That's a hell of a number. So with all that jibber-jabber, someone up and ranked the finest, most wonderful movie franchises ever created. They dumped the top ten on us. All right, real quick, my wife got back to me. What's happened? Ten kids, three baby daddies for her sister. Her half sister.

Her half sister. They're estranged because it's a second secret family. So she hasn't talked to her in a while. But the last check, many, many years ago, 10 kids, three baby daddy. There you go. All right. Number 10, all-time movie franchise, Shrek. Yeah, it's pretty solid.

Yep. I just watched the first one. Saw it. How's the whole love? Ashley in 2026. It's so great. You said you just watched me, and you'd never seen it before? No, I've seen it plenty of times, but I wanted something fun to watch, and I got hooked right away instantly. I think was it the second Shrek where they had the Cops Parody Night?

Oh, that got me. That was so good. My favorite fun fact about that movie is that Chris Farley was originally going to be Shrek, and there's actual a video of him doing the voice. I've seen it. Yeah. And I loved Chris Farley, but I don't think, you know, Shrek is kind of perfect how he is. Yeah. Be a much different movie had to been Farley.

It did feel different. Did he get too drugged up to finish it or something like that or what? Oh, yeah, he died. Well, so, yeah, so he died during the production of the film. Number nine, Jurassic Park. Heck yeah. Number eight, Avatar. Never saw it.

I saw the first two. I saw the first one, and only half of it. I just kind of wanted to see what it was like to see it in the IMAX because it was such a big deal. You got to see it at the IMAX theater. Did you see it in 3D? Yeah, it's on 3D at the IMAX of the Minnesota Zoo. Halfway through, I realized I'm not really following the story here. I'm like, all right, well, this is cool.

I'm good to go. I absolutely loved it. Did you? I wanted to live in that world. Did you? Yeah, same here. I was obsessed for a while. And I thought the 3D was too gimmicky before I saw it, but that was awesome.

That 3D was so cool. Yeah, you're right, though. A lot of those 3D movies that went through that phase where every single movie is in 3D and it's like, why does this need to be in 3D? But Avatar, they definitely found a reason why. Seven, Harry Potter never saw it. Oh, you're missing out.

I've seen those so many times. I've mentioned this before. It's one of those things it seems like I should really like, but I couldn't get into them. Maybe I was just a little too old. I'm absolutely obsessed with it. I should have given you a heads up before we started the list, the top 10.

According to, I don't, who was it? Collider put together this, Top 10 movie franchises ever. A lot of it is kiddie cartoon stuff. Maybe they specialize in that kind of thing at Collider. Seven, I mentioned Harry Potter. Six. James Bond.

Yeah, I liked plenty of those. Only watch one of them. Never got into James Bond. Top five. Batmental. Yeah, there's some good ones there. And it keeps reinventing itself. I watched The Joker a little bit over the weekend when I had nothing going on.

The first one or the second one? I don't know, the one with the skinny kid. He's in both of them. Phoenix? Yeah, Joaquin Phoenix. Where he kills Robert De Niro. Boy, I forgot which one. I didn't see either of them.

Robert De Niro's the television show host and he kills him. That's the first one. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I don't, yeah, I thought it was, it's kind of fun. It's really dark and creepy. I dug that. Would you have known it was a Batman-related movie if you didn't know ahead of time?

No. Yeah, I wouldn't have either. I didn't know a lot about the Joker. Maybe I shouldn't even include that in the Batman conversation. I don't know. I just wanted to mention that I saw The Joker. I had seen it before. I think that fits.

I mean, it's part of that world. It's Batman related. I believe sometime in the movie he meets Batman. Number four, Spider-Man. There's been some really good ones of that too. Yeah. Especially the newer ones. Personally, I like.

When I was a senior in high school, Spider-Man 2 came out. This was the old Toby McGuire. type Spider-Man's. I remember that run. The best. Yeah, it came out at midnight. We went and saw it, and there's a theater in Lakeville that was showing it every hour on the hour for the entire weekend. So we get out of the Egan Theater, that Regal on Cliff Road, and we were blown away at how great it was.

We're like, hey, should we go to Lakeville? We can catch a 3 a.m. showing, and we did. So you really like Spider-Man? Yeah, back in the day, for sure. Now not so much, but yeah, that first trilogy was huge. Wow, this is a very good point. or argument that one of our listeners is trying to make, I just told you that Collider ranked the James Bond movie series

as the sixth greatest. And this listener texted in to say, 26 films and Bond is only at number six. James Bond series has made 26 movies? Sounds right. Lick me. I suppose it started what, like in 62? Mm-hmm, something like that.

Wow. Jeez. Three Lord of the Rings. I saw one of them didn't get it and couldn't understand a word. heard that anyone was saying. I saw the first Lord of the Rings movie in the theater. It was a big group of us.

And about 20, 30 minutes in, my buddy says, hey, want to go to the gas station, get some beers? I go, yeah, let's do that. That sounds like much more fun. It was funny, our old movie reviewer, James Rocky, may he rest in peace. He just says of those movies, a lot of walking. A lot of walking? Yeah, it's very true. It's one long walk.

It is. It's a very slow marathon. I'm not sure what to make of this, but the second greatest, finest, most wonderful movie series of all time, according to the people at Collider. Am I saying this right? The Marvel Cinematic Universe? What the hell does that mean? Yeah. Yeah, Avengers, all those type of movies.

Like Avengers and who else? Well, wouldn't Spider-Man count in that? I guess technically, yeah, but yeah, I don't know why they didn't lump those all together. I mean, it seems different. But it's all the same thing, is it not? I believe so. Again, I've lost track of the Marvel.

Yeah, I don't want to misspeak about that kind of stuff. People get mad. Yeah, well, it's more just let us know. I mean, some of those movies were very good, I thought. Oh, yeah. But it is a little fatiguing at this point. Yeah, it's exhausting. I don't know what's happening anymore. I gave up. Number one, go ahead. Star Wars.

Yeah. It has to be. Star Trek should be on this list, too. Yeah, where's, you know, I was thinking about you when I read this the first time around. Where's your Star Trek series and where's your Harrison Ford? What was his name again? Indiana Jones should be. Right. That should definitely be on there. That was an omission. Yeah.

Where's Indiana's Jones? Oh, shoot, I just had another one that should have been on there. I put the Born series on there. Oh, yeah, those are fun. You like that one? Mm-hmm. Very much, though. We mentioned The Avengers, and I'll remember seeing that movie in the theater.

The night he came out, the midnight release, the theater is packed. Everybody's in costume. People were freaking out. They're so excited. The theater goes black. People cheer. And some smart ass in the front row yells, Hey James, if you're in here, we're going to Denny's after the show.

I just thought that was hilarious. Who was he talking to? Like, if you're a buddy, if you're in here, we lost track you. We're going to Denny's after the show. That's cool. That's fun to hear. Oh, here's another couple of good ones. Rocky.

Oh, by God, yes. One of the best of all time. That should be in their Mission Impossible. Also. Rocky, Rambo. Yeah, how come these things don't come to mind in the moment? Okay, so thank you, brother and sisterhood. We were curious, well, why would Spider-Man and the cinematic universe from Marvel?

Why would that be separate? Because Spider-Man was owned by Sony at first and then moved over to Disney. Yeah, because I remember it was a big deal once they finally got Spider-Man into the mix with the Avengers. Okay, that makes sense. That makes sense. I'll be dipped. I knew there was some dorky reason that I just forgot over time. Some of my lot of that information slip out of my brain.

I will be dipped and I will be damned. A couple other ones that could be on there. Riddle of Steel Jesus mentions Terminator Alien Back to the Future. Oh, for Pete's sake. Isn't it funny, how does this stuff not come to mind? Yeah, this list could look completely different. Obviously, there are so many friggin franchises that. Skydive Jesus brings up jackass.

Yeah, the fifth one's coming out on June 26. I can't wait. You're going to put that on the top 10 of all time? Absolutely. It brings me so much joy. It's just so fun. It's just wholesome. Yeah, they're hitting each other in the news.

Nuts, but they all love each other. And it clearly shows. That's why they've been such a great character for so long. 25 years later, it's still happening. Why have you mentioned Fast and Furious? Intentionally. You're afraid? Yeah, by design.

Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. Oh, God. Rambo? Sure. You can put that one on there. Pirates of the Caribbean. Those are big movies.

Pirates of the Caribbean. John Wick. Halloween, Friday the 13th, blah, blah, ba. Yeah, these are great suggestions. Like I said, this could look very, very different. Transformers, everyone's got an idea. We appreciate all of them. Another fifth installment coming out this summer.

Toy Story. I put Toy Story on that list. Those are fantastic for kids and adults. Yeah, I enjoyed a couple of them. I think the last one I watched is the one that broke every heart in America. Toy Story 3? Stop talking. I'm going to take my headphones off right.

I'm going to start crying. Toy Story 3. Never saw it. I don't know that you'd enjoy that one. Yeah, that'd be weird if you... Well, he does love Tim Allen. watched those. It's been established.

That's true. It is a Tim Allen vehicle. Tim Allen is involved? And Tom Hanks. You're a Tom Hanks guy. Oh, God, you would hate those movies so much. I like Tim Allen in one movie. And that's when he's riding motorcycles with Martin Lawrence and John Travolts.

Wildhogs. Wildhogs. Those were funny. I don't know why. Such good movies. Are they really? Yeah, I loved them. I always thought they were bad.

Wild hogs? Yeah. I like them quite a bit. I thought you were serious. I thought it was very funny. What I liked about wild hogs, the original, is that it was so dumb. But you're telling me they are actually genuinely loved. I liked them quite a bit.

I guess I don't know how most people feel about them. I like that Ray Leota was the bad guy. I just thought it was like one of those movies that was so dumb I enjoy. I didn't know you guys truly, truly enjoyed it. I thought everyone was in on the joke. This is hilarious. Dorf on golf. I mean, maybe there's only a few of us that remember that. We used to go to Mr. Movies and rent those Dorf on golf movies.

That's funny. Tim Conway. Man. All right, we got to get moving, I suppose, in the right direction. Appreciate you tuning in. At 8 o'clock this morning, we got some big, fat-ass concert announcement. We're going to throw your way. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder will be here.

I know I got a stupid news report setting off here to the side. So we'll take a breather. We'll be back in a few minutes here on the half-assed morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned-tuned-up for summer, and I think you should too.

An AC-tune-tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints.

You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. or go to Bialki law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

And it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C-I, host of the Stacking Benjamin's podcast. Most economists agree. Small amount of inflation is actually good. 2% is what you're going for. But why is everybody freaking out? Oh, because it's the fallout. People don't track their budget.

You have this slow slipping that happens every month. So all of a sudden you go, man, I don't have any money. The reason is now two people go to a restaurant. The bill is $60 for $2. Two guys walk into a restaurant. They start screaming. Isn't that hilarious? $60.

Stacking Benjamin's, follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Yeah, we're getting there. That stupid news report is coming right up. First, I wanted to address a couple of text messages, as I always do at this time of the morning. First, here's one that came in and said the amount of commercials you're playing tells me that someone's taking a dump. No. No one's dead. Did anyone have to leave the studio to take a deuce? No.

No, no. Well, that's a normal amount of commercials we played there, wasn't it? It's about the same as usual. No, no one taking a dump, bro. Yeah, we'll let you know. Don't worry. We need the money. I mean, it just comes down to that. How did we get on the topic of baby mamas? I had mentioned over the weekend I heard someone say, the last thing I need is one more baby mama.

There you go. We sent out a question. to our listing audience a little earlier, asked you to text us, 651, 989, 993. We were looking for the listener with the most baby mamas. And I think there was a tie. The top of the leaderboard right now, we have two listeners who have five baby mamas. Tex have come in.

Here's a guy who says his uncle is 64 years old. He has 12 children with five baby moms. He just had his 13th child in October. He's 64 years old. Man, still getting it done, huh? Cool. Reminds me of that interview I heard with Rudolph Shanker of the Scorpions, legendary band, legendary guitar player, Rudolph Shanker.

Are they still trying to do like a final, final tour? Yes. And, oh, I think they, actually, they are touring right now, are they not? I believe so. Overse-Mine has got to be 78 or 79 years old. if not older, the lead singer of the Scorpions, Klaus Mine, Rudolph's got to be right there too, near 80 years old. Anyway, heard an interview with Rudolph Shanker many, many years ago.

Well, it wasn't that many years ago. At the time, well, now that I'm thinking about it, sorry. He was probably mid-60s. So this is 15 some years ago. Rudolph was mid-60s, and someone asked him how many children he had, and he said like 15 or something like that. He liked the bump. and then something that that same interviewer asked him,

how old's he oldest and how old's the youngest? He was like 65 Rudolph at the time. And he said, I think he said his oldest was 49 years old and his youngest was two. Oh, my God. Oh, God. All right, some other texts on multiple.

Baby. Mamas. Oh, this is Snot Rocket. Jesus says that her husband has got three different baby mama. I didn't know that. Millennial steel cut Jesus said his steel cutter Jesus, his coworker has nine or ten kids with seven baby mamas. Four kids with three different dads.

One of our listeners has texted in to say she has four kids with three different dads. Concrete mixing Jesus has three baby mama. Jersey Jesus has three baby mama. Another listener says, I have five. One baby mama, five different personalities. Thank you for your text. It's always fun to get you know you a little better. All right, on to the stupid news.

You know how it goes, Cubby, when you are an arrogant, delusional pissbag, low-life crook. You'll try just about anything to get the money. That's what they're all aiming for. They're aiming to get the money. Now, this year went down in the lame United Kingdom. Two butlords staged a fake kidnapping to try and get the money. First off, it wasn't a lot of money that they were asking for. 725 pounds.

Now, I don't know much about how that dopey England money works, but I think 725 pounds only translates to around $1,000 in American monies. under a thousand bucks. So that's not a lot of money. Anyways, and the reason why these two clowns came up with this stupid plan

is damned embarrassing. We'll get to that. So two effing idiots, these two, one of them a 37-year-old, the other a 51-year-old. That makes it so much worse. That they're older? Yeah. With what they ended up doing and their motivation

behind it. 37-year-old, 51-year-old. And from what I understand, they were visiting the United Kingdom. From where, it doesn't matter. For what reason? I'm not exactly sure. To me, it sounds like there are just a couple of aimless ballbags that roam around and F off. What I do know is that one of them has a relative there in England.

And that's who they tried to scam with the fake kidnapping. gimmick, a relative. I hate to keep telling you that I don't know details of the story. All I can do is translate the information that I have in front of me, which is limited and poorly written. The story doesn't include any info on who the fake kidnappers claimed they had kidnapped. So hopefully we can carry on without that information. The story doesn't include who the fake kidnappers claimed they had kidnapped.

It just tells me that the morons contacted this relative and sent him a fake video of someone with a knife to someone's throat and there was real or fake blood. And the morons said, send us 725 pounds or we're going to cut this person's head off. It was believable enough for the relative to call the cops. Oh, for Pete's sake, every cop in town pulled on their tactical gear. They called a specialized anti-kidnavknack. and extortion unit into the mix, new cop in the corner.

He's puking his guts out. The relative who was threatened sent the cops video images of the kidnappers. So the cops got to see what they look like. And next thing you know, the cops see the two donkeys just casually hanging out front of a hotel somewhere. They're just vibing. They are. They were vibing. The two of them were just casually jaw jacking.

The English police said the two of them appeared completely relaxed. They didn't look like two fellers involved in a hostage situation. The cops pounced. And the two puke bags were like, oh yeah, sorry, we really didn't kidnap anyone. We were just trying to get the money. Our bad. Now, if you remember, I told you their reason. for pulling off this dramatic hostage kidnapping scam,

the reason is embarrassing, ridiculous, beyond stupid. Here it is. When the cops got up their asses about why they went ahead with this dramatic nonsense, the two clowns more or less said that they came to England and they were having a good time. They didn't want to go home, but they were fresh, fresh out of beer money. So they figured that some fake kidnapping ransom money would allow them to hang around a little longer. And as Josh would say, kick it. So, yeah, again, 37 and 51, they stage a kidnapping to find money to party.

Yeah. They just want to hang out and drink some beer. That's a young man's game. They're keeping the dream alive, Josh. What's wrong with that? I love that their mind immediately goes to, let's stage a kidnapping. Instead of maybe pick up a part-time job. blah, we're here or something.

Can you imagine if you were that relative and you made a really cool speech and then you find out it was for party money? I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't know money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills.

Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you. I will find you and I will kill you.

Good luck. Frank Drebben Jr. there. Oh, right, iconic speech. We were in town, we were having a good time, we ran out of beer money. Maybe a fake kidnapping, you know, would allow us to hang around a little longer. You know these two jagoffs

didn't have a job to go back to, wherever home is. So now they're going to have to adapt to kicking it in prison. Prison, I said. What a couple of dopes. Yeah, that's awesome. Man.

I don't think they thought that one through. No, I'd love to know the relative's reaction when they found out this was for party money. I just needed a case of course light. Now, I want to just bought you a case of course light. Yeah. Wow. All right.

Yeah, you can't do this. A very dumb lady down there in Kentucky. 39-year-old, very dumb lady, called Felicia. She got herself arrested. Yes, she did. That's because she tried to bail someone out of jail using fake movie money. That's awesome. Trying to bail a guy out of the cooler.

It doesn't say here how she knows the guy. Maybe they're F buddies. Probably. The bail was apparently 1,400. Felicia handed the jailhouse cops a fat stack of $100 bills. The jailers were quickly able to figure out that the bills were a Fugazi. Yeah, those things look real, but the feel, the touch of it is very off. You can tell immediately when you handle it.

I've never seen one, but we've had people say that before. We're texting it because they do look, I mean, you know, in movies. it looks real, but maybe up close it doesn't look as real. Yeah, we had a stack of them once, and you could definitely feel, you know, just the, I don't know, the texture of it is just completely off. Yep. Each of the 14 bills she handed over to the jailhouse cops clearly said on the bills, a quote, for motion picture use only. Jesus, what a maroon. Yeah, you least got to put the real one on top to give yourself a shot.

So instead of bailing a player out, she joined him in jail. And the two of them immediately started getting it on. Heck yeah. A little bit later, the jailhouse cops tagged in. No choice. And then Bella Donna and Jenna Hayes walked in. What? Where'd they come from?

They were dressed like fellow jailhouse cops, but instead of billy clubs, they were carrying large purple dill rods. What? That's crazy, dude. And then an ad popped up telling me that there are naked women in Minneapolis who want to go on a date with me right now. God damn.

Janet of the Rescue. A local cop there in Kentucky said he's seen some numb skulls in his career. I'm a cop in Kentucky, he said. I've seen some numb skulls. He said, I could tell you some stories that would part your hair. But the cop said he's never seen anyone. Anyone as overwhelmingly dumb as Felicia over there who told me. tried to bail somebody out using fake movie monies.

So she's the winner. Is there any chance? Just trying to see a possible silver lining for her in a way, that she's just so dumb, she got scammed and didn't realize it? Very good question. It's a very good question. Well, you mentioned Dana it feels quite a bit different, but maybe she's so dumb. Right.

Again, as Nick said, this is Kentucky. Maybe she's stereotyped. She blew a couple of guys. They gave her 14. hundred dollars in movie money in trade i don't know it's very possible she got to be jennah hayes though so things kind of did work out for her in the end i'm with you on that one i'm i couldn't tell you what she looks like but i'm familiar with the name and her line of work i think you would call her a hot mama josh if you saw her jena hayes let's look her up by the way kentucky really blows most of you

already knew that but check this out this fake movie money situation happened one time down over from where that maniac was banging roadkill that we covered last week. What the hell's going on? There you go. We covered that story last week where a dude had to be pulled off of it. Was it a dead deer? Yes. I think so, yeah.

The cops. Humping a deer. Cops had to pry this dude away from humping, banging a dead deer, covered in blood. Uh-huh. Yeah. Again, the most mysterious part of the story was this man. The cops at least described his face as being covered in a mysterious fluid. Yeah, his beard.

His beard in particular was soaked with a fluid that the police, with a fluid that the police could not identify. This was one town over from this goofy movie money situation. They provide a lot of content for morning shows out of that area. No kidding. Do we owe them money? The royalty piece? Not the real Jesus said he worked at a store where people use motion picture money quite often. Sometimes people would get it from other businesses and didn't realize it,

but there are a few people who were flagged as counterfeiters who knew what they were doing. Hmm. Yeah, I guess if it's your first time, you could easily play dumb. I wonder if it's one of those things where they're just not going to buy it. Yeah. All right. I know this is going to sound dramatic, but as we fire up this here next story, I'm calling on God himself to step in and end mankind.

Please, Lord. It's that rough? Like I said, it's going to sound dramatic, but I think you'll understand when we get there, Ashley. Let's see. However you prefer to be addressed, Lord, Jesus Lord, you need to step in because we've gone too far. We've reached a level of accepted stupidity

that even God himself couldn't have anticipated. I can't believe, at least, that this is what you had in mind, Father, when you created mankind. Some of you are going to agree with me once I cut loose with this. amongst all the other awful things that have become normal here on earth we get this now a guy who claims to have the smallest penis on earth

has gone over to social media and he challenges any man to step up and compare micro rods with him so he can prove that he has the teeny tini tiniest little thumb tactic in all the world he wants a dong off My dong versus your dong.

Only one dong will leave. Do you see what I'm saying, God? This is what we're doing now. This is who we are. No way you wanted this when you dumped Adam and Eve into the mix all those years ago. A guy online is trying to set up

a micro-dong contest. I think it's time to just shut it down. Is it possible that there's a little bit of genius here as bizarre as it is because it's distracting distracting, maybe he wants to not be the guy with the smallest penis anymore? What if there's a whole bunch of guys

that are like, boy, I'm well, are less endowed than even this guy. And all of a sudden, he's out of the running. Nobody talks about him anymore. Well, confidence boosts for the guy you're saying. It's probably the opposite where he wants to be known for this and, you know, known for something.

Yeah, but maybe you're on to something. But I would be comforted knowing there's plenty of people that have a smaller penis than me. That would be very comforting. I even saw a video. where the tiny pecker guy was being interviewed by TMZ.com and a supposed journalist was asking him about his mini dick. It's like it was information that needed to be consumed by the public.

I just don't understand anymore. Imagine going to journalism school and that's your gig, asking the guy about his micro penis. And I saw you've said that you have the smallest penis in the world. Do you still believe that? And what makes you say that? Basically just like the research that I've done online. Oh, my God.

I mean, I welcome anybody to come out there and beat me. No, no. What do you mean by beat you? Stay away from this guy. He challenges anybody. So do you understand now why I'm calling on God himself? Yeah, I get it. We've hit absolute, absolute rock bottom.

Michael Phillips is the name of the guy with the teensy-weensie. There he was. And he says, anyone who thinks they're so. smaller, better step up and prove it. I don't like this guy. What have we done? What have we become? Michael claims he's been medically diagnosed with a micropine. He's interested in being recognized by the Guinness Book of World Peckers, I mean, records.

He's not interested in OnlyFans. He was asked about that in that interview. The gal asked if he'd like to make a little money. He said, I'm not interested in Onlyfans, but the, the Guinness people want to put my name in the book, word. Although I'd prefer to be struck down by God for even having this conversation. I'm going to go ahead anyway. It says here, according to this Michael Phillips is his name.

He says the diameter, okay, the diameter of a penny is 0.75 inches. Mike says that's twice what he's hauling around. No way. It can barely be seen by the naked eye. he says. No, I don't believe him. That's tough. I don't care for him to prove it, but I just don't believe me. Yeah, that's like a toothpick. No, no, no. I'm with you on that. That's not happening, dude. Josh, in all of your lifetime, did you ever imagine that this conversation would have to be had? A guy has gone online and said, well, I've got the smallest dick in the world. Who wants to

challenge me? No, I think since the advent of something, social media, I've been surprised quite a few times by what's been out there. I never would have thought somebody would want to be the small penis guy. But like you said earlier, I think you said something along the lines of anything, any cost to be a somebody. Yeah, when you realize this is all I got, maybe he's just leaning into that. Where was this? Shotgun Messiah Jesus wants to know how lifted. his pickup truck is. Well, actually, the video that I watched of the TMZ interview, I think he was behind the wheel,

Michael Phillips, who claims he has the small, I think he was behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, and it looked like a compact car to me. So he hasn't come around yet to the lifted truck idea. I'm fine with that stereotype. The more lifted, the better, in my opinion. I drive a monster truck around and everybody can think I have a small penis. They'd be right. But even if I didn't, I'd be fine with that.

that. That's the kind of stuff that just makes me want to give up. This might make a few of your backpedal away from your buddy's big dumb Labrador retriever. Normally what do you want to do when you see a lab? Give it a big friggin hug. Yep, they're the best. Roll around on the floor together a little bit, a little tummy scratch. Yeah. Give or receive a tummy scratch from a Labrador. A lady had all of her limbs come off after being licked by her dog. Oh, man. Yeah, there was a story about how somebody got sick from their dog licking them. It was not too long ago. I mean, well, a couple months ago.

And that day I immediately went home and just let my dog kiss my face. So I will not let this change me. It's worth it to you. Yep. It's worth the risk. They get so sad if you don't let them kiss you. All of them. All of them.

What's your name again? Ashley. All limbs off. It'd be tough to get around. Yep. The word is, this lady caught sepsis from what is believed to be a dog lick. I couldn't make up a story like that, but it's true. Manjit.

That's the name of this poor gal. She's from England. She spent 32 weeks in the hospital. She had seven heart attacks. Lord. And she said, watch your ass. it could happen to anybody. Doctors say they're damn near sure

that Manjit's dog did this to her. Accidentally, they assume, by licking a small cut that Manjit had on her body summers. I think we just had this conversation not too long ago, but I was taught as a kid that dogs had the cleanest mouths around. Yeah. We were talking to, well, we were talking to Dr. Andrea a few days ago, And obviously that is incorrect.

You were taught that dogs had the cleanest mouths. Yeah, that they had clean mouths. I mean, I was always as well, Ashley. That's what people would tell me too, yeah. I remember being told that they were cleaner than ours. But then again, you know, my dad and his buddies when we were growing up, when we would allow a dog to lick our face, my dad and all of his buddies would go, ah, for Christ's sake, that friggin' dog licks his own ass. Now you're letting it look.

I had questions about that myself. Like, well, they're going after their privates and their beholes and whatnot. Now, how's that cleaner? But that was kind of part of the argument. Well, yeah, it just kind of cleans it up. They got stuff in there that'll kill the bacteria or whatever. If you don't know, it says here, sepsis is a serious medical condition where your beautiful body's immune system

overreacts to an infection and starts attacking your tissues and organs. Everybody in this room, I'm sure, knows somebody who's damn near died or died of sepsis. Right? Yeah. Yep. Dana, you don't know anyone who's? No, not that I can think of the top of my head. I'm surprised to hear that.

I always, it seems like such a common thing. But anyway, three out of the four of us. Unfortunately, my dad, or my dad, my uncle passed from that. And I had dated a girl who almost did. They said she was within minutes. If she didn't get to the hospital, it would have been it. Oh, wow. So dangerous.

She was your girlfriend at the time? Yeah. Did you rush to the hospital? Yeah. That had to been kind of uncomfortable that everyone say, who's this guy? No, they were, they understood. They knew you? They knew you already?

Yeah. Oh. It wouldn't it be kind of funny if she was your girlfriend, but you hadn't met her family and you're rushing into the hospital? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I dated her for a long time. Hey, back off there, pal. You knew her at the time. Oh, okay. I don't remember. Sepsis, not good. In this case, the end result of sepsis was a mind-blowing quadruple amputation. When the sepsis first hit her, she felt like garbage, she fell unconscious, her feet were cold, her lips turned blue, she couldn't breathe. One minute she was a playing with her dog, the next she's in a coma.

And then like I told you, the heart attacks kicked in. And then the arms and legs come off. There's a go-fund me set up out there for this lady, just awful. And they close out the story by saying there's a bacteria in the mouths of animals, including dogs. And if you're an unlucky bastard, they might just get you. I mean, she's lucky she survived. That's so bad. Who would have thought?

It's terrible. I hate to be dark here, but survived with all your limbs amputated? Just personally speaking, I don't know if I'd want to go any further. And she's still a young person? Yeah, it'd probably be good on that, to be honest. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, I'm not trying to be dark, but I don't know. It's a very fair point.

Just me, personally, I don't know if I would. Jesus, Paul's. And it started so innocently, so obscure like that, I don't know if I could carry on. I wonder what the relationship is between dog and this lady at this point. If she's a little bitter, it's not the dog's fault, obviously, but I wonder how she feels. Remember the story? Good question. Remember the story of the guy whose wife's Chihuahua ate his foot?

Yes. That's one of my favorites ever. So dude had diabetes, I thought. Diabetes, I think that's right. And he could not, he did not have a lot of sensation in at least one of his feet. and I don't know if it was the diabetes that caused his skin to taste a certain way to the dog or what attracted the dog. But one night, this dude's wife's chihuahua. This dude didn't like the chihuahua in the first place.

Dude wakes up, his toes are gone because he couldn't feel anything down there. Dog ate his toes off for him. Numb, num, num. Gross. He's got to go, of course, to the hospital, and he pointed at that dog on the way out when he's in the gurney on the way out. He pointed at that dog and said, you're done.

But his wife said, uh-uh, you're not killing my dog. It's not the dog's fault. Oh, my husband would not listen to me. He would want to, he would kill that dog before the paramedics got there. Your husband? Yeah. He doesn't seem like the type. He loves killing dogs.

Yeah. Honestly. Are we talking about the same guy? This is like an everyday occurrence when he's like, when is it time? I can't. Actually, one of my dogs in particular, the one that like ate herself. I can't see your husband. He's exhausted with her. But I can't see him hurting a fly.

Yeah, no, he would. Yeah, definitely. Kill the dog on the way up. So dude gets his foot sewn up. I don't think they were able to replace the toes. And he wants that frigging Chihuahua dead. And the Chihuahua knows it, right? But the wife says, you come near my dog, I'll kill you for real.

So he says, okay, they move on with their lives. It happened again. He woke up again with this dog eating his foot. Now, I don't know if the dog made it through a second time. But that's one of my all-time favorites. That's one of my all-time favorites. All right, before we go, Tasmania. Jesus, now we're in Tasmania.

The Stupid News Report is truly a global operation. The deal is someone saw a dog driving a car there a few weeks ago. And the cops are looking for folks to give them a telephone call if they know anything about this dog in town that drives a car. Don't bar. Yeah, do not snitch. Yeah, you can't narc on a dog. The cops, they just want to talk to the dog. That's so cute.

They want to see. Get him on the Letterman show, stupid pet tricks. Oh, I missed that. Yeah, that was fun. The cops. How does he touch the steering wheel in the pedals at the same? A long-legged dog. No, there's no way.

They can't sit comfortably like that. I think somebody's helping them out. Probably. The cops want to talk to the dog because it's illegal. Folks who have claimed to have witnessed the dog driving a car said that a human being was in the passenger seat navigating, they assume. I've had a couple. You drive all navigate.

That's the end of this story. The police want to talk to this car driving dog in Tasmania. People are saying it happened. Fast and Furriest. He's out there racing, other dogs. I'd watch that movie. Oh, I would too. Sports.

On the 93-Egs Half-Ast Morning Show. Now back to the other Mike Homskies. You can see the lights start to flicker as soon as that shot went in on goal. Mike Kavanaugh and the Huskies are irate. And you can't blame him? So you're telling me there was a hockey game over the weekend and in the middle of a crucial part of the game, the lights went out in the rink?

Yeah, that's up on 93X.com. Straight of a WCWNWO paper view back in the day. Was this a gals or a dudes hockey game? Dudes. Wasn't it? A breakaway? Was it a breakaway? Yeah.

Josh, you mind if I bust your balls a little bit? Go ahead. You called it a fast break in your verbiage here. Oh, I did. That was a copy and paste. Oh. Yeah, I didn't write that. So somebody, it's not a.

Yeah, that was not written by me. So whoever you got the article, whoever you copied and pasted, they call it a fast break instead of a breakaway. That's hilarious. So, okay, that's, I don't know if I've ever heard of something like that. So what did they do? What was the end result? Well, so it's confusing first what happened.

Some people are saying this was on purpose. I don't think it was on purpose. Oh, really? I don't think it was at all. I think they assumed that UMass scored before that fast break. Like your bro that presses the power button when you're beating his ass at a video game. Yeah. Some people thought that was the case.

I think they just thought, oh, they scored and then they hit the festive look. We scored animations or whatever, all the lights and stuff. I didn't see the video. I'll have to look this up. It's on 93X. So dude's on a breakaway, the lights go out. He did not score then. Or nobody knows.

Nobody knows. Nobody knows. All right. So, yeah, it could have bounced in and out. Nobody's sure. The pigs have lost a couple in a row. What are they trying to piss this away or what? No kidding.

Pigs, they've lost a couple in a row. They lost to St. Louis yesterday. Nice road win for the Timberwolves. We've been having kind of an impromptu baby mama contest this morning. We got on the conversation earlier. We got into the conversation earlier. Who out there has the most baby mamas? This has got to be the winner.

Lifted truck Jesus texted in. I hope he's telling the truth, or he just really wants to win this impromptu baby mama contest. It's not him. It's his dad. And here's what lifted truck Jesus says. My dad has 18 kids. 17 boys and one girl. Five with one woman, four with the other.

That's not the proper way to put that. Five with one woman, four with another. And the rest are one per baby mama. Oh, my gosh. Say that one more time. Crazy. One girl. I don't blame you for needing that, cubby. 18 kids.

17 boys, one girl. Five of those children were made with one woman. Four with another. The rest are one per baby mama. Just one-offs. So that's nine. Total baby mama. 18 kids.

Lifted truck Jesus is one of them. That sounds like back, you know, when there's kings trying to get a son. And they believed it's the last. woman's fault if they're not producing a stun. So he just knocks up everybody in the kingdom. Oh. There you go. I don't think anyone can top that.

We got to take a break. Josh is coming up next with the news report. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too.

An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind. before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930.

Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting, workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey there. I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Joe, you know what's been great about being a saver? More money in the bank.

And that money over the past couple of years has made a pretty good yield. Pre-pandemic, money was making zero. Now it's actually making something, but that's starting to go down, down, down. I love how we can play the fact that inflation's been really high as a positive. But if you're a savor, you know what that means? Shing. Silver lining, Joe, silver lining. Afford anything.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. By the way, I fake everybody. Half-assed morning show. Their missions and duty locations in the Middle East vary. And because of the sensitivity of their missions, we are not told exactly where they are. What we do note, the fighter wing is in the region to protect American air power, defend regional allies and support coalition forces, focus on preserving peace and security throughout the region.

The Minnesota National Guard, the most deployed National Guard in the country, has confirmed more than 250 of its members are now in the Middle East as the U.S. and Israel continue to exchange attacks with Iran. Those serving overseas include guardsmen from Duluth, Marshall, Stillwater. Together they represent several corners of the state. now connected by a shared mission far from home. While their mission and duty locations vary, all are grateful for the strong support of those back at home, a statement from the State Public Affairs Officer read.

Over the weekend, Iranian state media reported the death of its supreme leader following a major attack called Operation Epic Fury that was launched against Iran by both Israel and the U.S. I saw lines yesterday for folks buying gas, you know, as oil prices rise. I forget about that. Goody. A hidden camera captured a couple's roommate spraying fluids all over their food,

which was something they didn't expect to see, man. We all have our own section of the house, and then we share the kitchen. That's it. And he broke into our room twice or more. We don't even know how many times. There's something wrong with them. The footage showed the Southern California couples' roommates

suited up in a gas mask and spritzing groceries, a bowl of fruit, their coffee pot, and even the pantry with toxic insect repellent. Insect reprim. Soon after, the couple became mysteriously ill, though it must be noted, the pantry was impressively pest-free. At the hospital, their doctor told them their symptoms matched those of poisoning victims. Curious and concerns, they combed through additional footage from months earlier and discovered their roommates spraying their food with insect repellent again. And the incidents didn't stop there.

Aside from going pharmacy to table with the... the insect repellent on their food. The roommate also broke into their room, cut up their clothes, and stole medication, IDs, and their belongings. He's a psycho, the male victim said. You're both having bad stomach pains and throwing up and didn't know why. Something more serious needs to be done because I don't think a misdemeanor for him is going to do anything. How did they know this guy?

He was a roommate? Well, I mean, ahead of time, they didn't say. Yeah, was he a complete stranger before he moved into the joint? Because we've had these conversations before. I know that sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do. But to this day, the thought of having a complete stranger become my roommate is horrifying to me. Yeah, same here. You just don't know what you're going to get.

I'm just going to guess they didn't know this frigging guy. Doesn't sound that way. They didn't mention any relationship ahead of time, so that'd be my guess as well. He set our house on fire. He poisoned our stuff. He's destroyed our property. I've had to get a new car because he destroyed my old one. Oh, my God.

What? The couple contacted law enforcement before, but without much evidence, little could be done. That changed, however, when they uncovered the new surveillance video of the unfriendly fumigation. He was jacking off on their food and whatnot? No, he was spraying insect repellent. Oh, well, I knew that part, but you made a semen joke in there earlier. They never caught them, whipping it on their food? No.

Okay. That's good, at least. I mean, on the bright side of things. Baby steps. Is that the bright side? Yeah. I don't, I mean, as far as I know, nobody's ever died from semen poisoning. What would you prefer that?

What would you prefer in that situation? I don't know. It would take me a couple of seconds when they say, well, here's the thing. You know, you can die from the insect repellent. I'd still have to take a couple seconds to answer that question. Right. Right. I mean, both sound miserable.

The worst story I ever heard about us. roommate, which was a stranger before they moved in. Two young dudes looking to save some money, right, on the rent, just answered an ad. Complete stranger comes to live with them, and everything was fine at first. But then they kept hearing this banging like a hammer on a wall at all hours of the night, right? Each of them has their own room. And the new guy, the one who was a complete stranger, they kept hearing this banging and knocking and this and that going on in his room all night long.

Eventually, there was some kind of big fight where threats were made and this and that. So they called the cops. And the cops, they said, hey, they asked the cops, can you look through our dude's room? We don't know what the hell he's doing in there at night, but there's this knocking and back. And I don't know if it was right or wrong, what the cops did look in the dude's room. room and in his closet there was a bloody hammer and this psycho some bitch was killing cats and dogs in the neighborhood in there he was killing him with a hammer that's what all that that's what all that middle of the night knocking and banging was so there of course that's what it was there

were pet parts and whatnot in his closet that's obviously serial killers yeah yeah and you know what Thank you to you picked him up. You dropped him, Jesus. Who says, as far as, you know, dying from semen poisoning, AIDS. I never considered AIDS, so I'm going to take a shot of raid. And I'm not going to feel like I'm making a bad decision. You're going to take the insect repellent poisoning over the semen poisoning. Now I have an excuse I can give to folks.

Always trust your gut. Yes, you have to. The authority showed up last week. They found the roommate barricaded inside an hour's. long standoff followed before law enforcement coaxed him out, exterminating the threat. Afraid to stay home, they are now renting an Airbnb. Hell hath no fury like a hot-headed ex with a uniquely prophetic first name scorned and with a score to be settled. Police in Tennessee say 20-year-old, a tyranny boyd, is accused

of living up to her name, unleashing a little a tyranny of her own in an attempt to take out her ex-boyfriend and discovering him with another woman. Officers responded to a shooting early February 18th and found a tyranny's victims awaiting. According to the victim and her boyfriend, the pair had been at the man's house when they heard pounding on the window on the front door about 6 a.m. When the yelling stopped, the victim heard glass break. That sound prompted her to walk outside where she saw Boyd hitting the windshield of her vehicle with what was described as a large piece of metal. She then discovered all four tires on the car had been slashed and flattened. Even so she managed to get into her vehicle and drive away. Once she left, however, the defendant followed her in her own car. During the

chase, Boyd pulled up beside the other woman, rolled down her window and fired several shots, ultimately striking the rear of the vehicle. After the bullet struck the car, the victim scrambled out of the driver's seat through the passenger side door just before the vehicle made acquaintance with a pole and bounced off it. In an interview with investigators, the man who lives in the house said he heard a gunshot, went outside to see his girlfriend's vehicle pole glancing. The boyfriend said after seeing his girlfriend side swiped the pole, he got into his own car, tried to back out, but saw Boyd's car park there, and she got out and fired two shots before fleeing the scene. She didn't kill anybody? No. I mean, she obviously wanted

him back. I hope he takes her back. I mean, it sounds like she's very committed. Yeah, definitely. Or should be committed. And ex-cons back on ice. after he struck a McDonald's drive-thru worker in the face with a flung, frozen frape, frape? What is it, Ashley? Frape? Frape? Now I'm can frape? Yeah, caramel frape.

And he's now facing a felony. The 29-year-old with a rap sheet that already includes prior domestic battery convictions for punching his girlfriend, the mom of his child, by the way. Oh, no. Was arrested Thursday in connection with an incident where he catapulted a coffee beverage at a McDonald's employee. So rude. Investigator said the moron was behind the wheel of a vehicle in the drive-thru lane about 1 a.m.

When he engaged in a, quote, brief discussion with the fast food worker before rage mailing a blended frozen coffee beverage at the victim. The McDonald's frape, frape, frape. Now I don't know. I've thought about it too much. I don't know. Ask me in like 15 minutes after I've forgotten about it. You know, in my head I had it a certain way. And now that it's coming out of my mouth, I have no idea how to say it.

The contents landed on the victim's hair and clothing, all recorded on video, whence that frape met face. In addition to the battery count, he's been charged with violating the terms of a three-year probation sentence, levied following a 2023 felony conviction for stealing and paunting a watch. A New Jersey native, the man's criminal history includes convictions for obstruction, probation, violation, and burglary. He's an all-around good dude. In the past, he served separate three- and six-month sentences. in jail. This headline's a little different.

Florida man accused of stealing $10,000 in trading cards from Target Walmart by using taco seasoning packets. It centers on 39-year-old Keith Wallace. According to investigators, Wallace would take large boxes of trading cards and an equal number of 99-cent taco seasoning packets to sell a checkout. He would only pay for the seasoning packets and then sell the cards on eBay, conjuring cumin into cash. How do they not notice this immediately?

He slipped the trading cards underneath the taco packets and just imagining that they're very similar in size and he was able to hide him in that fashion. Is that what you were wondering? Yeah, but like, I mean, does nobody work at these stores? How has nobody noticed? It's the automatic checkout. Yeah, but there's always somebody hovering.

Not one person. There's like 12 registers. You really don't? I guess. You never realize how easy it might be to fool those people? I don't know. I guess I mostly go to Cub and there's four there and there's one lady and there's only other, you know, usually two of us on them at a time. I mean, they're frigging taco-seizing packets and trading cards. It's not like the guys steal in a bicycle. You know, those sound like items that'd be pretty easy to sneak through any situation. Authority said the scheme wasn't a one thing deal either. He's accused of committing 75 thefts across Florida spanning from Orlando to Miami between last July until he was caught this month.

As the investigation unfolded, officers made controlled purchases of the cards and confirmed proceeds were deposited into his personal bank account. In total, the thefts resulted in retail losses of more than $10,000. And it turns out Target was very much on Target because about 39 of those thefts took place at Target stores. Wallace, who's also suspected of thefts at public's locations, reportedly made nearly $40,000 from reselling the cards. The last card he has to trade is his freedom because they don't mess around in Florida. I found guilty in all charges. That Mon is going to be in the pokey for a long, long time

facing up to 90 years in prison. Is that right? That's a poke. What? 90 years. That is insane. I mean, obviously it's bad what he did, but there's people that do such worse things

that go to prison for such a... like a shorter amount of time. Yeah, I like it when you're tough on crime, but I mean, you know, we said it before about other punishments. You could kill somebody and do last time. Yeah. Just imagine the person that's supervising the self-checkouts. Oh, 108 things of taco season.

You make him a big batch, yeah, got a lot of mouths to feed today. Yeah. I'm looking at that guy's so weird. What does he do it? On a food truck? He was stealing that many at a time? I don't know. No, not at the time.

Oh. Because that would be impressive. Yeah, not at a time. Several. And they think he's probably been doing it even longer. I don't like anybody who ruins the vibe at Target. I always have a good time over there. Elsewhere in Florida, the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office

caught a man responsible for scamming self-checkouts at several Winn-Dixie locations over eight months. 44-year-old Julian Mitchell's accused of stealing nearly $10,000 worth of groceries at four Winn-Dixie locations since last year. Investigator said he avoided paying full price for expensive items like steaks, chicken, wings, laundry detergent, diapers, and toilet paper. Detectives eventually caught on after Mitchell hit the same stores meant more than 100 times, but he made a stupid mistake. Turns out if you keep playing games with your Dixie, you may end up exposing yourself, and that's what the total dummy did. For some reason, he never considered the paper trail left behind by using his loyalty number,

during each and every scam. What are you doing? Come on, man. Why? What an idiot. Police didn't describe in detail how Mitchell was manipulating self-checkout. They said they didn't want anybody else getting an idea. University of Florida criminologists and research scientist, Dr. Reed Hayes, said there

are about 40 different ways to cheat self-checkout. His team works with over 180 retail chains and is now leveraging artificial intelligence to help stores catch those tactics in real time. theft like this has a trickle-down effect, he said. Experts say it empty shelves for paying customers, frustrate store workers leading to employee turnover, and can drive up prices for everybody else to compensate for what's gone. At the time of his arrest, he was already on active probation

for a prior case involving drug charges. People are so bold. I get so nervous in the self-checkout. Even when I, like, ring up something incorrectly, I'm afraid they're going to yell at me and call me a thief. Well, you do have precedent. You do have a history of stealing bobby pins. That is true.

You're wound pretty tight, huh? I get so nervous. I don't know why. Like if they, like, hover near me. Probably, you know, just making sure everything's going smoothly. I clam up. I get so nervous. That's very strange.

Yeah, it is. A couple of years ago, I saw a guy in the grocery section just grab a rack of ribs. I go, ribs, good choice. Then you just put them down in his sweatpants and walked out. Oh, well. Say what you want to? about it, but he knows how to treat his penis. It sure does. Bryce Hubba, Dallas, Hubba Howard is 45 today. Oh, boy.

Rebel Wilson, 46, Daniel Craig, 58. John Hubba Bon Hubba Jovi is 64. Best of luck to Nils going in for some surgery today. I was told it's going to be a long recovery, so we hope it's not too difficult for a player. Happy birthday to the fun, hot geography teaching Jesus from Bearded Teacher Jesus, and that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show We'll be checking with George Sedano Find out what's going on with his horn, George.

So, guys, I'm here at the scorers table And there was a complete malfunction here Electrical-wise here at the scorestab You see this gentleman here working frantically To try to get everything reset The clocks went out The score went out across the building And clearly you hear the horn

Still going off And there's a level of frustration, obviously, here at the moment trying to figure that out. Dude, come on. That's effing hilarious. I don't care who you are. The look on the crowd's faces was pretty good, too. I don't care who you are. That's funny right there. Who do we have here? Randy Schaber and Brad Ryder?

Good morning, good morning. Hey, good morning. Hello. Friday's basketball game between the Detroit Pistons and the Cleveland Cavaliers. They were playing it in Michigan there. The game was delayed for about 12 minutes because a horn, you know, like the timeout, Substitution horn you hear live at ball games now and again.

Maybe they even use the same horn for the final buzzer and whatnot for the halftime and fun. That some bitch was blown sometime during a timeout midway through the third quarter, and it kept blowing for 12 consecutive minutes, and people were going out of their frigging minds in that arena. That is a great video. That's like torture. That's so long. There was a my son's basketball turner over the weekend.

The buzzer went off and it was crazy loud. Like to start the game, you know, the buzzer saying, all right, stop warming up. A lady almost fell off her chair. She was so freaked out. I was concerned about her. She jumped. It was insane. You know what, Cubby?

I was at a college basketball game, a D3 college basketball game last weekend. And they just had that substitution timeout buzzer. They had that some bitch too loud. Really? It was so much louder than everything else that was going on, so much louder than the PA guy that it made you jump every time, made you jump. That clip from the buzzer going off nonstop in Detroit made me think of this classic Simpsons episode where Homer's trying to invent something.

He's coming up a couple of ideas. And one of them is the everything's okay alarm, meaning the alarm keeps blaring unless something's not okay. Then the alarm goes off. I kind of wish we had just, I wish we had just organic audio of that arena. Friday night without the announcers, you know, telling us what's happening. Yeah. Because I watched a couple different videos and there was one, I probably should have sent it to you guys. I lost it. I didn't have the train of thought.

There was one where there was quite a bit of audio where it was just the natural sound of the arena. And I think you really get a sense of how close people came to cracking up. But that's great. There was one guy there that he's plugging his ears and he just looked annoyed. more than anything like you got to be kidding me the poor bastard at the scorer's table who was in charge of the scoreboard is that the guy you're talking about no it was a fan but yeah that that guy i feel so bad for him he was so frigging stressed out by this i thought his head was going to explode so you said that's up on our website yes it is the malfunction was apparently caused by a power surge the horn was coming from the damn scoreboard hanging above the court so there was some conversation that they they'd have to lower that pig and then let the maintenance guys crawl inside of it in order to fix the problem, which they say, had they gone that route, it would have lasted, it would have been like a 45-minute process. Sure, like when a backbar gets taken down.

Sure. I think people who automatically think, well, couldn't they just unplug something? No, not when it's up there. 12 minutes. It's pretty hard to do when it's up there. When it finally shut off, the crowd roared. I bet. For the remainder of the game, I guess the scoring takes.

of folks had to use a manual air horn for timeouts and end of quarter and and they had to go without using the main scoreboard they just shut that yes they did just shut that big sum bitch smooth off I love that sound so much end of the quarter did everyone did everyone have that stretch of time when you were in grade school where an air horn was your favorite toy to terrorize people? I brought one of the Metro Dome once. No, I've never had one. You brought one to the Metro Dome for a big game?

It was a field trip game. It was one of those Wednesday getaway games, you know, noon start first pitch. A little fifth grade take a bus down there. Yeah, type of deal or deal. And I brought one in, and so it's just students packed. You remember how tight those concourses were in the Metroome? Yeah.

And I laid on it real quick, and everybody just ducked and covered. It was hilarious. And then I was quickly found to be the... They took it away. They took it away for me, yeah. Me and my pals, fifth, sixth grade, Big Phil got his hands on an air horn. I don't know if him and his dad were at a

marina or what, but he got his hands on an air horn, and it was all we wanted to do. That is all we wanted to do with our lives is sneak up on people and blow that friggin air horn. One of my favorite jackass skits was they would hide out at the golf course, at the T-box, you know, kind of

the woods a little bit. They're all decked and camouflaging me. Right, and you can see where this is going. Right in somebody's back swing. And God, those people got angry at them. Saw it happen in real life when Nick had his. That's the only time I've ever been a part of an airhorn prank is just kind of watching you do it. Used an airhorn at a golf course once. It was a charity golf tournament, so relax everybody. Oh, dude, that would be so much fun. Yeah, you weren't at the masters or anything. I pissed off our old sales guy smiling Don. Only time I ever saw him angry. right in his back swing I just laid on that pig

How could you do that to a guy The nickname Smiling Dawn? Well, it took down about six times before he finally had enough. He did put up with the first few. Yeah, man. Well, in the jack gasket, there was one guy that got so pissed

that he teed up another ball and aimed it right at Knoxville and the crew and then he goes to swing at him and then Knoxville hits the earhorn again and it throws the guy off for him being able to hit it at him. It was brilliant. He's going to hit dude with a golf ball.

He lines it up and the air horn still threw him off. That's pretty good. Big Phil took it too far, though. But I'll never forget this as long as I live. New Year's Eve, 1988, so we were sixth graders or something. Hanging out of Big Phil's place. There were no rules at Big Phil's place. We could smoke, drink, whatever we wanted to.

Phil's folks came home. Remember, it's New Year's Eve. Phil spokes came home about 1 o'clock in the morning and they're just wrecked. One was drunker than the other, you know what I mean? And his parents, his mother is still with us. They are just the most hilarious, wonderful family. Unfortunately, the old man checked out a couple years ago. One of my true heroes growing up, Big Phil's dad, Bob.

So Bob and Mrs. Big Phil, Bob's wife, they come into the house. They're both hammered. About 2, 2.30 in the morning, they crawl into bed. We waited until about 4 a.m. Snuck into their bedroom and Big Phil leaned on that friggin' air horn. Oh, my God. You should have seen the two of them. They both rose six feet smooth off the bed.

How he didn't get choked to death by his parents, I don't know. Or how they didn't impaled himself on the ceiling fan from jumping up so high? Are you sure that's not why he's not around with us anymore? Or was because of that night? Bad ticker. I don't doubt that it might have taken an hour or two off the Oval. man's life. 4 a.m.

They've been asleep for about two hours, dead drunk, both of them. Right, and that drunk sleeping, too, not exactly quality REM cycle, as I say. I would kill somebody. I was so thankful, but yet also quite, what's the word I'm looking for, Josh? You know all about these feelings. Intertained or? Well, no, it was good and bad. Oh, sure.

Conflicted. I was conflicted on the situation. I felt great about it, but also quite guilty. Problems are happening all over the place when it comes to. to arena malfunction. So we had the horn that wouldn't stop going off at the basketball game over the weekend. Brad writer, Randy Shabry,

I don't know if you saw video of this. This is also up on our website. Big hockey game between Connecticut and Massachusetts, dudes college hockey, overtime game. There's a two-on-one, two-on-two kind of a rush up the ice. And certainly a scoring opportunity. I know in a couple of articles they called it a breakaway. One in particular I had to laugh at.

They called it a fast break. It's frigging hockey. There are no fast breaks. State of hockey. But it was a two-on-one, half-ass two-on-two, certainly a scoring opportunity, and the lights went out in the arena, completely out. Do you see such a thing yet, Randy Brad? I have not, no.

No. Check it out on our website. I think that's a first for me. You think it was planned? Josh brought that up. There are some people out there who think UMass. Was it UMass's rink? Yeah.

I don't think it was planned at all. Yukon was on the rush. They're playing at UMass's rink. Maybe the rink attendant flipped it off because he had money on the game. Could be, although it seemed to me like he thought they scored. He or she thought that UMass scored. I watched the video twice. I still can't tell if what happened with the puck or what.

Yeah, they stopped the play, right? So, well, lights are out, so we don't know if it went in or not. I suppose that Super Bowl all those years ago, Ravens 49ers, the lights went out. That's right. That was hilarious. But in this case, in the middle of a scoring opportunity, that's a first for me. Maybe The Undertaker was getting ready to come out. That would be awesome.

That's when I always would go to the, what do they call it in the business? Bathroom, beer stand? Yeah. Yeah, you knew you had 45 minutes once you hear that initial gong. You could probably do both. Get yourself a beer, go to the bathroom, and sit down and just watch the last 10 minutes of his entrance. You could go home and take a nap. The lights went smooth out at that hockey game.

I don't know what they're going to do to finger that out. I got to be honest, I didn't look any further as to what kind of ruling they made or if they're going to continue there. I have no idea. Not only concerned about UMass hockey. No. That's a good way to live your life. The lights went smooth out. Can anyone think of anything similar to that?

What does count when the wolves game in Mexico where the facility started on fire? Yeah, that was a lot bigger than the lights going out down there. I was there. The building was on fire. Sweet. That sounds awesome. I'll be honest, when I was covering the wolves back in the 2010s, the Kevin Love era, you know, and they're just awful, I considered maybe, hey, free night off of work if I started a fire in Target Center right now.

Oh, sure. I mean, we've seen fires and, you know, fog games, whether it be hockey or football, things like that. I was just wondering if anyone remembered a specific lights out type of a situation. The coolest game delay I saw was I was in fifth grade. It was an Egan High School basketball game. They were number two in the country. They were playing number one, Eden Prairie. Randy, you remember the name Brian Iverson?

You remember that name? Sure. Yeah, he played for Eden Prairie. Great football player, great basketball player. So it was a huge night. gym is packed and the guy by the name of Jeremy Ryder intercepts a pass in midcourt and goes down and just Tomahawk dunks it, shatters the whole rim. The place was going insane. It was the most mental I've ever seen, at least a local sporting event. They delayed the game about 45 minutes to clean it up, get a new backboard from one of the auxiliary gyms and stuff.

Right. It was nuts. We didn't get out there. It's like 1130 on the school night. It was so cool. Are you sure was Egan? Because I don't remember a day when Egan was number two in the state in Basker. Oh, back of the – they lost them in and Tonka in the state championship that year. It was like 1996 or 97. You can have really good basketball teams back of the 90s. Yeah, Kurt Virgin ran a great program. Kurt Virgin.

I think Ryan Ivers – For real? Sillarius. I think Ryan Iverson's son – it just got a basketball scholarship recently. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Earthquake, 89. World Series, this and that.

Yeah. But this is, listener claims he was at a North Star's Blackhawks game years ago and the lights went out. Yeah, I mean, there's all kinds of different wacky ways that games have been delayed or shut completely down. It's fun when it's like a squirrel. Yeah, I like that kind of stuff.

Rally squirrel. Animals on the, what do you call it, the ball field? The pigs are. have lost a couple in a row now. What the hell are these guys doing? Just when I got into hockey, they decided to start sucking. Rue to them. They lost at home to the St. Louis Blues yesterday by a final at 213.1. They lost over the weekend of Utah, too, just in case you were in jail or whatever.

I didn't see the Utah game, but I did see most of yesterday's game, and the boys didn't look terribly sharp. This is very likely not the end of the world. No. But they didn't look terribly sharp. They came close to pushing the game to the millionth overtime game of the season, but the Blues goalie made a huge save on Teresenko very late in the game. Russian kids scored the lone pig's goal, so with that one, he tied Marion Gabburik for the most goals in franchise history.

218, 219, I forget which it is. But he tied Gaborik. one more and he's got the all-time record and a couple folks texted in to say that the Russian kid has played 122 fewer games than Gaborik in order to reach that goal mark. Last time we talked about that,

I mentioned I'm not trying to take anything away from the Russian kid because he's twice as talented as Marion Gabbrick ever thought he was. But it was a very different game they were playing in Gaborick's day than they're playing today. But still, he is twice the talent

that Gabbrick ever pretended to be. Josh, how's your uncle going to take this news? I know he was a big fan. I'd love to know how he pronounces the rushing kids name. That would be awesome. Oh, dude. Let's get your uncle on the phone and ask him to name number 97 on the pig's roster. That would be pretty fun.

I'd love to hear his pronunciation of Carill Caprisa. My old man struggled terribly with pronouncing players' names. Joe Mauer was about the only one he could say correctly. Yeah, I would like to hear that. So we could do that in about six months or three with good behavior. Can't use that as one phone call for the week. Do we accept collect calls? Who was the big third baseman, first baseman for the twins who let everyone down?

At least that's the vibe here in town. No, no, no, no. He had all the potential in the world. Miguel Seno. Miguel Seno. My dad could not, he could not hit the mark on that some bitch once. Sanyo Solo. He had all kinds of ideas as to what Miguel Seno's. I love that. My mom is the same way. Marcus Polino missed a game with a lower body injury.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Coach Gene Snitsky said before the game that Felino is day-to-day or could be sidelined long-term? Oh, well, wait a minute. That's a big, that's a big. He might live, he might die. That doesn't narrow things down at all.

Felino is day-to-day or he could be sideline long-term. That's a big difference. I didn't really check. I was just kind of making it up as I went, covering all bases. Well, I hope Marcus feels like talking on the telephone, because what day is it today? Monday. Monday. Wednesdays we usually jaw jack with friggin' Marcus.

I'm guessing he'll narrow it down a little bit more than that for us. The boys play Tampa Bay tomorrow night here in St. Paul. Right. They're very good. Then they play Vegas, and they're not bad either. So their schedule is challenging. Ooh, this is exciting. Someone said, have I seen the rebranding of the Tennessee Titans?

I love the throwback to the Oilers logo. Oh, I've got to get a look at this. the Houston Oilers had the most gorgeous uniforms in all the professional sports for a while. I did not know that the Titans. We'll have to check on that. Thank you for the text message. The old, you watch, does anyone here watch a showgun?

What's the name of the show again, Josh? Landman. Does anyone here watch Landman? Yes. What do they call that tower, that oil tower? The rig? The rig got, you know, the old Oilers logo on their helmet? Oh, I love that.

And the, like baby blue and red. Gorgeous. Oh, yeah, that is pretty. What's happening? Pretty. Oh, that's the rebranding of the Titans. Oh, yeah, they've gone back to the baby blue and the, oh, that's very cute. I like that blue.

Oh, cripes. Saturday Night Live had some USA hockey gold medalists on the show this past weekend. Did anybody watch it? I did, yeah. No, just that clip. I didn't watch the episode. Quinn and Jack Hughes from the dudes club. along with Megan Keller and Hillary Knight from the gals team.

They got involved in the Saturday Night Live monologue. Now, they say here ice hockey has grown in popularity significantly from the success of the television program Heated Rivalry, which is about a couple of hockey players who like to bump each other's brains out. Still haven't watched it. No, I've never saw it. The star of that show, Connor Story, hosted Saturday Night Live, and he brought into the monologue.

the two Hughes brothers, along with Megan Keller and Hillary Knight, and they had some laughs. Well, that is very important. You know, my show speaks to people who are not always representative. Didn't one of those guys have to get on a, like, literally get on the charter plane right after his game Saturday? Brad, you just interrupted our audio. Oh, sorry. Well, I can't hear your audio. Oh, I got to hit a button over there, Dana.

Yeah, if we had somebody who could teach me how to run this thing, that would be great. Hit the same one that you have for Shavers. Just make a rule. I did, and that's what made Brad not be able to. to hear himself then or hear the echo. Leave Brad. Brad, speak when spoken to. I will be quiet.

Let's hit that audio again of the people on Saturday Night Live. Well, that is very important. You know, my show speaks to people who are not always represented in hockey, so this is really great to have actual hockey legends here tonight. I mean, both of your team just won the

gold. Thanks. The last time the men did that was 46 years ago. And the last time we did that was two whole Olympics ago. Nice burn. But these gold medals aren't just for us. They're for all hockey fans. Yours too.

Oh. So can I try one on? No. That Jack Hughes comes off like a third grade kid at a spelling bee. Seriously. He looks like a child up there. He looks like a third grade kid at a spelling beat.

And they're both shorter than the host, which I thought was kind of funny when they were all standing up there together. They looked a little nervous. Definitely. I thought they looked fairly comfortable. Yeah, so there you go. Now, tonight, Quinn and Jack Hughes will appear alongside Hillary Knight on the Jim Fallon program. Fun.

Busy weekend. I'll be damned. Ooh, along with Nicole Kidman will be there as well tonight on the... Lucky's. I love her. And a cooking demo by Chef Mario Garbon. What? Yeah, they're ever going to get a chance to eat some spaghetti or something backstage. Mario Carbone, the chef, Randy Shaver.

I would. Love it. Yeah, good for them. Soak it in and enjoy. They had some funny jokes in that monologue. Yeah. They did. They did.

They did well. Oh, man. Brad can hear everything okay? I can't hear when you guys play audio. Did you hear that last? I don't hear Brad now. I don't hear Brad now. Uh-oh.

It is kind of hilarious. to think of us playing audio and then Brad's just sitting there. You know what? I like it this way though, that's fine. It gets quiet. Long stretches of time, so I have to assume that's what's going on.

I don't know. Yes, that's what I find absolutely hilarious. You know, it would make things a lot easier if you two guys would just come in studio. One guy's retired. Have we seen them in studio? No. No.

Not once. And you won't. Because I'm retired. We'll remember this. I know I will. I know. Well, next time you want a favor. Oh, my gosh.

We're all certainly familiar with players swapping jerseys, right? And purchasing numbers off one another. A hockey player by the name of Artemmy Panoran. I've heard the name a number of times. He had to go a unique route on that level a couple of days ago. Oh, for Pete's sake, here we go. Come on. Listen to this.

Former New York Rangers legend Artemmy Panarin. Legend? Printed right here in front of me. No. Yes, yes. Josh, what's the website? Let me see if I can remember that. What is wrong with everybody?

The onion? No. Okay. It was, I got it for you right there. Has the guy even scored 35 goals in a season? And they call him a legend. I'm so burned out on that friggin bit. What was the website?

The big lead. You effed up, big lead. Anyway, former New York Ranger, Artemmy Panoran, traded to the Kings a few days ago, right? Had to pay for his favorite sweater number, which is number 72. But he didn't have to pay a teammate. He had to cough up something nice in trade with the team mascot. That's fun.

For many years, L.A. King's mascot, Bailey, he's a big lion character. He has worn the number 72. So Pannarin had to make a trade with the mascot. And word is, he upped and bought a lavish Rolex watch for Bailey, the lion. And I guess it's a done deal. Panarin can put that 72 on his sweater. I don't know what number Bailey is going to adopt at this point. How much do you think Crunch would have charged back in the day when he was number 101.3?

Because he was sponsored by KDWP. I forgot about it. I didn't know that. That was the 90s, actually. That always drove me nuts. It drove me nuts that the dude had 101.3 on the back of it. I thought that was the dumbest thing in the whole world. Good memory.

Yeah, I totally forgot about that. And they had a big crunch bar sponsorship on their jersey, too. They really got their monies worth out of that. Now, by the way, and that's a cute story and everything about New York Rangers legend Artemmy Panoran. God, someone has to get punched in the mouth over this. But some interesting stuff in here. His name, Bailey, honored a former NHL player by the name of Garn. Ace Bailey.

He was the King's director of pro scouting. He was killed on September 11th. He was on one of the airplanes that hit the towers. Oh, my. My gosh. That's the story I read yesterday. That's why they named the mascot after,

they named the mascot Bailey after Garnett Ace Bailey, who was a scout for the Kings at the time. Could that make sense? Because I was thinking to my head, Bailey for a mascot? I couldn't put it together even. There's also another story that says they named it after somebody's dogs.

I've heard two conflicting stories as to... Talk about big ranges like Marcus Flino's injury. One's a little bit more meaningful than the other, I would think. Yeah, everybody loves their dog, Brad, of course. Now, does anybody want to guess why he had sweater number 72? It's really, really dorky, if that's a hint at all, why the L.A. King's mascot would have number 72 as his sweater number. It says,

Dorky as Here's what I read. Because 72 represents Los Angeles's average temperature. Are you? I would have never guessed that in a million years. You're kidding me. Pretty stupid.

I mean, that says that on the NHL's official website. Oh, does it? Yeah. Well, there you effing. Is that a saying? I mean, because they said, because it's always 72 in Los Angeles. Is that just, maybe that's a saying?

Yeah, maybe it's like a cute thing. Yeah. You had heard that before then? What? What did you just say? No, I'm asking you if that's a say, if anybody had heard that's a saying. Oh, no. Maybe it's more meaningful if you live in that area.

Let me give you a heads up on the matchups for this year's boys high school hockey tournament. So you're ready by Wednesday or whenever they kick that deal in the ass. Okay? Let me give you a heads up on that. Oh, wait, before we get to the high school hockey. Can it get up and around? By the way, speaking of this weekend, the high school hockey tournament, going to get up and around 60 degrees.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I love that. Winter will be over before you know it. Love that. I'm getting home just in time. Oh, yeah. When are you coming home?

I'll be home on Sunday. If you come in studio tomorrow, I'll give you a ride home from the airport. And then he'll take you right back after the show. Yeah. To the airport. Find your own way home. God, that brings up one of the greatest nights I ever had. One of the greatest drinking nights we ever had at the old sunsets in Wisetta.

Now it's Cove. Do I have that right? Yep, you do. Before I tell you that story, if you don't mind, a little sidestep here. With the warm temperatures coming, it makes you think a summer. we got a summer event planned. And I'll be damned if it ain't already time to give folks a heads up on this gang bang.

Is this a first, Josh, a show called the Half-Ass Morning Show Summer Bash? Yeah, we haven't. They've talked about having one before. But yeah, this is the first time it's ever come to. The very first ever 93X Half-Ass Morning Show Summer Bash with Creed, along with Bush, and a fella called Tim Montana, will be cutting loose at Mystic Lake Amphitheater,

Thursday, July 16th of the summer at 20 and 26. The Half Fast Morning Show, Summer Bash, Creed, Bush, Ski, and Tim Montana at Mystic Lake Amphitheater, Thursday, July 16th. There's a presale for you junkies that need to get in there first. There's a pre-sale today at 10 a.m. With the password, 93X H-A-M-S, Half-A-M-S show, 93-X-H-A-M-S is your password. for mere mortals, the tickets go on sale,

Friday at 10 o'clock in the morning. I suppose they're going to expect us to show up at the half-ass morning show Summer Badge. Probably. I got plans. What are you doing on the... I'm going to come up with some creative ideas later. Alternative.

No, I'd love to see Creed. I've seen Bush before. And Tim Montana, I was reading a little bit about him this morning. Seems like it could be a good act, too. So I've never... Anybody here seeing Creed? No. No.

St. Bush a number of times. Yeah, me too. If we do end up in there in some working capacity, don't let me get anywhere near Gavin Rossdale, because I will embarrass this entire show, company, and my family, if I ever got to meet the man. You have a crush on him? Yeah, I love that guy so much.

Bad news for you, we had an opportunity to meet him once when he performed at an Edge Fest, one of the coolest guys you could ever meet. Oh, that he is. You're going to be a puddle. Yeah. We got something to do this summer already. There you go. Appreciate it.

Oh, yeah, we were talking about rides to the airport or rides home from the airport. Boy, we were drinking our nuts off one night over at the old sunsets in Wizzetta. I love that place because the bar side, you could kind of be a derelict, but then they also had kind of a nice restaurant side where they asked you to behave at least. I like those types of places. We were loaded. And some puk bag was even drunker than we were, and he was going on and on and on about how much Minnesota sucks.

Minnesota sucks for this reason and Minnesota sucks for that reason and Minnesota sucks. And he wanted everyone at the bar to know all this brilliant information he was given out about why Minnesota sucks so bad. Big Al hops up off his bar stool. Big Al got up his bar stool. Big Al got up his bar stool. Looks dead in the eye of this stranger who was spouting all this anti-Mnesota stuff. And Big Al said, let's go. And the guy said, where are we going?

And Al said, I'm giving your ride to the airport. All right, the high school hockey tournament coming up. Moreheads looking to repeat is how you say it. More heads looking to repeat in Class AA. There will be a new champion in Class A, no matter what happens. Class A begins on Wednesday. Here you go. Hibbing Dodge County.

Southeast part of the state. Right, Dodge County? Yep. Yeah. Blooming Prairie. What else is down there besides Blooming Prairie? Well, Dodge Center, obviously. Hayfield, Austin.

Juve. Rochester, is that Dodge County? Really? Oh, okay. That's Freeborn County. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Casson.

Matamitae St. Cloud Cathedral, Delano. Delano. Oh, for Christ's sake. Delano. Delano is so fun. Delano plays Mancato West, War Road versus Northern Lakes. Oh, you know what that means, don't you, Cubby?

What's that? Hot Tubbs coming to town. Oh, yeah? My old bro, Hot Tubb. He's got a kid who plays on the Northern Lakes roster. Oh, yeah? Boy, I don't think I've seen him in over 20 years. Oh, brace yourselves.

That's bad. Brace yourselves. It's good and bad, Ashley. I've seen the good and bad out of Hot Tub. Remember he threw that boot? He's the boot guy. Yeah. AA Minnetonka.

Gentry Academy? I'm not familiar. No. Private. Rosemount, Grand Rapids, Moorhead, Lakeville South, Edina, Andover. I'm going to keep this because that's coming up on Wednesday.

Brother and sisterhood says that Rochester's Olmsted County. Thanks for the education. Oh, sorry. Olmsted. Nice road win for the wolves yesterday. winning in they got a win in Denver yeah I'm sorry that Denver team

I know they're banged up I know they got a lot of guys hurt but they're just not very good I don't think that's the first off seat of this season I believe the Denver Nuggets they really they really need their injured guys back because the guys that are filling in and the wolves would be likely the same way

yeah they just don't they're so beatable. It's just, it's crazy. They're very similar teams in that if you eliminate one person off of that team, they become very less than average. Yeah, here's the thing. You know, earlier this season, when Yokic was hurt, they were doing really well without him. Well, that's come to an end because when Yokic was on the bench yesterday,

they were garbage. Yes. They were garbage. And Aaron... That's why he's been the MVP so many years because people realize, and people who vote on that award realize that without him, they go from a top four team in the West to a lottery team. I also think that Porter for Cameron Johnson trade turned out to be a bust for Denver.

They really miss Porter a lot on their offensive side. Who's the guy that looks like he spends all of his time smoking meth? He was hurt too yesterday. Aaron Gordon. Aaron Gordon, yeah. He should be back, though. He's coming back. Good game for Edwards, Bones Highland.

Nas had some highlight real stuff. Yeah, Bowens Island was great. They went ahead and won all three of this latest runner road games. I think they've won four in a row, which is a, is it a franchise record? I'm sorry? On the road. I think they've won four straight road games. Oh.

Would that be the best they've done this season? Best stretch on the road this season? I think for this season for sure, but maybe for the franchise too. the Memphis Grizzlies play here tomorrow night. You know what would make me very happy. If Rudy Gobert would just stop what he's doing, beat Shaquille O'Neal. Cheers. Beat his ass on live television and get it over with.

Why does he hate Rudy's? Because he's jealous. Yeah. He's jealous. It's coming across that way now. You don't think he's jealous. He always talks about the money. He's always the money.

He's jealous of the money. I just, well, if he's jealous of the money, he doesn't think, obviously, Rudy deserves the money that he's getting. Exactly. Because he does not think that Rudy is a complete player. That's exactly. Yeah, yeah. Think about what people thought of Rudy Gobert before he came here.

I mean, we've got a little different view of him now because he's wearing our jersey. Yeah, we do a little bit. Only the sixth graders, Mike, I think. Fully grown basketball fans know that it's the same Rudy that was in you, saw. No, he's kind of been a dork, a little bit of a dork. I mean, well, yeah, he's a, sure, but Shaquille O'Neill will not let it go. He takes shots at Gobert constantly, calls him soft, Rudy needs to step, Rudy needs to invade that TNT show or whatever, whatever channel that show is on, and just beat his ass. It's not even just the show. It's anytime he's on a podcast.

Right. Nobody brings up Rudy Gobert, but Shaq brings it out of nowhere. It's got creepy at this point. Actually, no, I like DeVincenzo. I'm going to take it out on soft-ass Rudy Gobert. It didn't have to take this turn. Dante Vincenzo says I'm shooting like Shaq. Just leave it at that. Oh, yeah, DiVincenzo said at halftime. At free throws.

Yeah. Is that correct? DiVenzo missed a couple free throws. They put a mic in his face at halftime. He said, I'm shooting like Shaq. He was miced for the game, yes. Oh, Mike for the game? Yes.

Yeah. So, you know, it's, It's constant. You know, Shaq's a douche. He once put a toothbrush up his ass. It wasn't his toothbrush. It was his teammate's toothbrush, and then watched that teammate brush his teeth with his ass.

This is not a good person. I've had my fill on all four of those guys, to be honest with you. You heard the reaction of his coworkers when he brought it up again. Oh, here we go again. Yeah, when he brought up Rudy again. It's just tired. Rudy needs to beat his ass. and everyone knows

Brad, I think only kids are the ones that have that. Oh, he's on our team now. He's great. I think you need to give Wolves fans a little more credit than that. We know what we're looking at when we see Rudy out there. You know what I mean? Hello, boy.

You know what I mean? I was making sure you weren't playing an audio clip. I mean, we all, I know Rudy's a dork, and I know he's got the offensive offensively speaking, there are ninth graders who have... Worst hands ever. Yeah, terrible.

We all know the downside of Rudy, personality and otherwise. I want to see him take Shaq out. Kevin Durant to the Houston Rocket scored 32 points Saturday night in a game against Miami. That's his 432nd 30-point game of his career that moved him ahead of Kobe Bryant for fifth place on the NBA's all-time list for most 30-point games and brought him just three games away from Carl Malone for the fourth spot. Yeah, but it's the conversation between him and Tyler Hero that was fun to watch in that game. I missed it.

What happened? Oh, a lot of jaw jack in between Tyler Hero and Durant. A lot of name calling. Oh, yeah? During that game, yeah. The top four guys when it comes to 30-point games in their career. So what was I saying? Fifth place, Kevin Durant.

Fourth, Carl Malone, three, Wilk, Chamberlain, two, Jordan, one. Bronny's dad. Golden Gopher women beat Illinois yesterday by five, so they've clinched the number four seed and a double buy in the Big Ten tournament. I was wondering the last time of the Gopher men's or women's team got the double by in the big ten tournament. It's been a while. It's been a long time. Well, they both won by the same score in their last game.

78, 73 was the final for both the men's and the women's game with the gopher's big win over UCLA. That was fun. All right. Big Ten. Yeah, go for women. I'm telling you, they, you know, they, all they have to do is just play well in the Big Ten tournament.

They don't have to win it. They should get a, they should get invited to the NCAA tournament. And they're capable of playing well. I think the women's tournament allows home games, correct? So the go for women might have a chance to play at home. And that's one of the reasons why I believe, and Brad, correct me if I'm wrong, they push back the girls or the boys state tournament like a week, just in case the gopher women had a chance to host a basketball game.

I did hear something about that, and I think they've got to finish in the top. They've got to finish in the top four, or they got to be ranked in the top four in their region to get that home game or that home pod, so to speak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Go for men, go for women, having a good time here lately. Give her, I mean, I can't pronounce her last name,

so my apologies, or maybe Randy can, but you've got to give the go-for women. Plitsawette? Plits-a-wait? Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't even going to try to pronounce it, but she's, I mean, she's done a remarkable job. Oh, third year. A couple of years.

Yeah. Yeah. It's their third season. She's been fantastic. And I know we don't talk a lot about them, but you've got to give her a lot of credit. I'm down with that. Yeah. Well, and Nico's team, I mean, again, you know, we talk about it all the time.

If the team had a bench, they probably would be 500 or, you know, above 500 in the Big Ten. Just in the Big Ten, they'd be above 500. He's such a great coach. It feels like they've got two. It feels like they've got those seats pretty well filled in those coaching spots over there for a while. Yes, sir. Hey, soon enough, former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez is going to have to go to court over that completely maniacal game of dagger tag. He played with a truck driver a few months ago.

I saw a little story on this yesterday. Word is right here. I believe these are the words of the truck driver's lawyer. They say that Sanchez was at the time under the influence of, cocaine, fentanyl, marijuana, and alcohol when he upped and decided to airhole

that poor truck driver. That's a nice little platter there. Yeah, that's a cocktail. That's damn near everything, isn't it? He must have been fresh out of meth and crack rocks. He's going up and down and up and down. Yeah, well-rounded diet. What has he done to himself?

Got hit in the head a lot. Boy, you know, you wonder if that's it because what a throwing. I mean, he had a decent career. He was working at the time, right? Yeah, he was a work. Yeah, he had to get pulled off of games. What an idiot.

Doesn't he have a wife and kids, too? Yes. That sucks. Why's dad not here? Wasn't his wife? Wife's an actress. His ex-wife was the super hot actress, right? Or is that his current wife?

A current one, I believe. You've got an actress for a wife? Yeah, she was on a decent show, too. They just came out with a new season. Oh, the Chad Powers show. Wasn't she that one? Maybe that's one. Yeah, is that?

It was like a recent show when this happened. Yes, I think so. I think you're right, Dana. I'm looking forward to that deal, that court case. I'd like to see some highlights of that along the way. Is there a court TV type of a thing, Josh, that might air that thing? I don't know. Have they said if this is going to be aired?

I have no idea. I guess I haven't paid too much attention. And finally, as you know, the sad-ass Minnesota Vice. Vikings have made it fairly clear that they intend to bring a veteran quarterback in to compete with silly J.J. McCarthy. A new report suggests that they might just smooth gas McCarthy entirely before the season starts. That would be wonderful. According to someone named Tony Pauline of something called essentially sports, the Vikings are ready to, quote, move on from McCarthy completely. Now, that sounds fun. That does. I'd go buy his jersey out the discount rack if that happens. You would? Yeah.

Just to troll people? Yeah, it's a good one to have in the closet. I love bad jerseys. What's the worst one you got? He gave it away to me. Oh, yeah, I gave you a Bungho Park, Minnesota Twins jersey. I think I can top you on that one. Yeah, what do you got?

I think I got a Twins one that can top one. Brett Boone. Oh, man, he was here for 30 minutes. He was here for two weeks, I think. That's amazing. I still hate myself for giving away my Lou Ford jersey. Yes. That's a classic.

Worst, oh, God. I was never a huge jersey guy, but certainly dabbled. I think I can give you. I think I win the contest for worst jersey ever when you consider everything. Lawrence Phillips, San Francisco 49ers. That's impressive. Am I right about this, Lawrence Phillips? The running back?

Yes, went to Nebraska. Did he not go to prison for killing somebody? He's great at Nebraska. Yeah, somebody look him up. What was his... I think he played for the Rams and then... Yeah. Is he dead alive?

I know he went to prison for something awful. I don't remember his old deal. But there's got to be folks out there who still have Aaron Hernandez jersey's. Oh, yeah. Ray Caruth, maybe. At least amongst us, I think I can say that's got to be the worst. My favorite bad jersey. this in 2000.

It was in a shopping mall in Iowa. The XFL, the original XFL had recently folded. And on the discount rack, I found this just obnoxious teal and maroon and black Memphis Maniacs jersey. Right on. And I still like to throw it out and put it on every once and again. And it's funny, referee Rob Page, local legend. You know him, of course.

Sure. He was at like this retro convention selling, you know, 80s, Nike's and things like that. And he found the exact same one, Memphis Maniacs jersey, he bought it. So him and I are just going to wear it out one night and have people. Why are there two guys here that are really into the Memphis Maniacs? Remember the player, He Hate Me? Yes. I just saw one of those last year.

Did you? Yeah, at a Wild game. Somebody was wearing a He Hate Me Jersey. What about Jamarcus Russell? Don't you have Jamarcus Russell? I got Jamarcus Russell jerseys as well. What do you want? I got to have a Jamarcus Russell jersey.

You got home, and you got home. away? I don't remember exactly. I have this big tub of jerseys that don't wear very often. Bring them in. I'm going to have to take through that one. Will you bring them into the studio? We can just look through them. Because that is really fast. I'm drawn to such a thing. Bring in a big

bucket full of piss poor jerseys. Yeah, you and Kevin Smith have the most jerseys of anybody I've ever seen. If I had them, I'd wear jerseys everywhere, but I've been told many times by my wife that you're past that point in your life. She's like, Dana. I'm like, you

wear jerseys too and she goes yeah on game day when I'm going to the game you're wearing a Josh Allen jersey on July 16th makes no stress going to Target on a Sunday afternoon it's crazy so it's still a big part of your wardrobe see I have

oh my God and I think I think I could rival I could have rivaled you but I've thrown away so many yeah or giving them away what do you call it uh yeah pass it along or donate yeah donated it to uh you know what do they call those joints Goodwill.

Yeah, thank you. Here's one. CPR with a little tongue, Jesus, says, he just got rid of his Darren Sharper Vikings jersey. Oh, dude. I saw one. You got to burn that one. I saw that one at the bar a couple seasons ago, and I said to the guy,

he goes, it's not funny. He goes, what, it's my only jersey. I'm like, I will go to Goodwill right now and get you, you know, or whatever, Jared Allen jersey for $4. Friggin' ridiculous. Yeah, why would you do that? Yeah, I'd love to see your bucket full. I don't wear jerseys a lot at all anymore

because I think I'm too old for it. I think I look silly. I really do, no offense, Dana, but I think once you cross over about 30 years old, I'm completely aware how ridiculous I'm like. You look like a giant sixth grader, you know, but I mean, maybe I'll try it again. I don't know. Bring them in. That's really interesting.

My wife also likes to point out, realize how much younger that person is that you're wearing his jersey of, right? Yeah, that's always made me feel a little weird. That's a 23-year-old man, Dana. You're 40. We got to get going, Randy and Brad. You had another thought on that, Ashley? No, I've made that comment before that it starts to weird me out a little bit. If there's like a 20-year difference. It's just sad.

Yeah, it's time to put that baby away. Yeah, I had Tim Couch going there for a while. We got Randy the Joy. Harry Harrington. Do you still have that, Randy? No. I had Mike Greenberg. What was his name again? Glennon. Mike Glennon. Mike Glennon, the long neck? You loved Mike Glennon. I had Mike Glennon, Bears, Jersey. A lot of them I've thrown away. We'll talk to you guys later. See ya. The 93-Ags half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

I already got my AC tuned up for summer, I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.

Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees. maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C. Hi, host of the Stacking Benjamin's podcast. You know what? A lot of us get taxes wrong. Filing your taxes. is basically data entry.

There's been this trend of people going, oh, it's so cool to file my taxes in August. It's so awesome. Don't worry, I have an extension. It'll be fine. I'd like totally do it later. Stop. Do your friggin taxes now.

That was a really good fashion voice. Did you like it? You do that more frequently, please? Yes, every show from now. We'll be like that. Stacking Benjamins. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. My half-ass morning show.

Minnesota. 93! Frigan Monday. Stupid, stupid Monday. Appreciate you. We do. That's how the young people are saying it these days. Appreciate you, and we absolutely do.

Appreciate you listening to the 93X Half Fast Morning Show. Seems like we've been talking a lot about driving lately. What is it? Is it the return of the NASCAR season? Is it creeping into our subconscious somehow? It seems like we've been talking a lot about driving. You know, the summer season's coming up. Maybe that's part of it.

People are thinking more about it. You've got a three-time NASCAR champion. Michael Jordan, maybe that's kind of coming to mind, something like that. Earlier, Josh said he took a ride with a permitted driver over the weekend. Just a handful of days in. Yeah, Wednesday got the permit. Yesterday took the ride. Years ago, I was about 30 years old.

I'm going to take a guess in that wheelhouse. I got too drunk at a rock concert and a 15-year-old kid that I knew at the time gave me a ride home. He didn't want to. I made him do it. And a couple days later, someone told me that since I was the only licensed driver in the car, if we had been pulled over, I would have received a DWI for having a permitted driver behind the wheel while I was drunk. Now, I don't know if that's true or if it was true, but that made me nervous. I didn't know the you could get a D-dub, but certainly trouble, right?

You're supposed to be sober. All right. folks have been jaw jacking back and forth about the most annoying thing that passengers do in your motor vehicle. The most annoying things that passengers do in your car. Messing around with the radio, by the way, made the top 10.

Sure. You don't start finger-banging someone's car stereo without asking permission. Are you nuts? Don't do that. The rule's always been the driver gets to pick. The driver chooses what you're listening to. Mm-hmm.

All right. Take a guess. Number one most annoying thing people do while you're driving while they're sitting in your motor vehicle. Easy answer. Backseat driving. Backseat driving. Oh. You ever have anyone who tries to tell you what you're doing right and wrong?

Yeah, my husband. Yeah? He's probably right, though, actually. It's so annoying. I was going to ask, is he correct? Do you? No, he's not right. Not in my mind.

Sometimes he's right. I'll give him that. Every once in a while, I'm like, yeah, that was my B. But sometimes I'm like, dude, it's fine. Everything's fine. I got it. She's cutting people off with a burrito in her hands. I tell him all the time.

I'm like, dude, I drive every single day by myself. How do you think I survive by myself without your instructions? I do. I do it great. You've hollered at him before. You sound frustrated. You have raised your voice before? Oh, yeah.

It's caused some, like, a big fight in the car, but it's like one of those fights that it stays where it is. It doesn't draw in a other conversation. It's just like when it's happening. I'm like, I will kill you. I learned that I wasn't right or she wasn't right for me. I learned that I wasn't compatible with a woman many years ago because she melted down at me behind the wheel. It was like a crazy person screaming bloody murder type meltdown.

She picked me up on an icy, stormy winter night. We were going summers. And I said as soon as you picked me up, I said, take your time. It's really bad because I had just gotten off the road myself. She comes to pick me up to go to this event. I think it was a concert. And, you know, we come to our first red light. She slides 45 feet and almost reruns the car in front of us.

And I said, you know, I said, hey, dial it back a little. We had probably been dating, I don't know, for a month. Dial it back a little bit, for Christ's sake. He almost rear-ended. She doesn't really say anything. We get it going down the freeway. We're fish-tailing a little bit, and I said, slow down. She came unfri-and-corked screaming.

Like, she's got the steering wheel in her hands, but she's turned to the right screaming. So now she's not even watching where... That was the night where I said, well, I've had about enough. She did not want any lip. out of her passenger that evening. I've been in a car with someone who was the sweetest person in the world I had thought until she got behind the wheel, and she was a different person. It was like a twisted metal with their driving.

I've never seen a transformation outside of like a werewolf in that ever. Dodging human turds, Jesus said long phone conversations drive them nuts. I don't want to listen to your crap, he said. Oh, gosh. I had an ex who was a voice to text person. And she wouldn't just, you know, a quick, hey, we're on our way. It would be, hey, been thinking emotionally lately, period. We should catch up soon, period.

No. What days are you free? I'm free next Wednesday. Should we maybe go to Olive Garden? Question mark. No. I hate that because you're interrupting the music to do that. Stop that.

Don't interrupt the music. I hate when people interrupt the music. Just let it play. Let the music play. I'm a voice to text person, but I don't do it in front of other people. Yeah. Now, I get the convenience of it, but it's also. So when I'm driving the car and you're the passenger, you can very easily just send a text message

without having to make me listen to you the entire thing. Right. Here are the other things that people are annoyed by when you just have a passenger in your vehicle. So the most popular answer, backseat driving. Leaving trash behind. You know, you gave somebody a ride and they left their bag of funions, you know, their empty bag of funnions underneath the seat or on the floor or this, that kind of. Yeah, that sucks.

But whatever. I don't know anybody like that. But then again, I have no kids. Yeah, you're going to be in for that pretty quickly. I imagine kids are very disrespectful with mom and dad's ride and they leave all their garbage behind because they're ungrateful little bastards. I got into a friend's car recently and it was basically knee-deep in Cheerios. Yeah, Cheerios and Pirates booty.

You're going to get a lot of that. Complaining about your driving. I guess that's similar to backseat driving. It says right here basically the same as backseat driving just after the fact. Oh, okay, so you get to your destination and they say, you know,

this, that, you could have taken that corner a little slow. Well, you're alive. It's fine. I got a pal who's obsessed with how quickly, how there's a word I'm missing. I can't find the word.

But a pal who's obsessed with the route you took. How does it compare to the route that he would take to any different destination? Hey, I went to St. Cloud last weekend. Oh, yeah? What, you just take 94? Yeah. Oh,

we'll see, I go up Highway 10 and I cut it. So he's got the more accurate. Again, there's a word I'm missing but he's I think it's more efficient. Okay, you've got there four minutes quicker than me. Thank you, Dana. That drives me friggin' nuts. He's always willing to tell

anybody that they took the less efficient route. People get annoyed by folks eating messy or smelly food in their vehicle. Yeah, especially if it's a long car ride. I get that, you know, you get some smelly, something or other from, the car is just going to smell like fast food the rest of the way. That can be trouble when you're on a road trip with the boys. You stop at the gas station. Everybody gets something different.

One guy's got a meatball sub. The other guy's got a can of sardines. The other guy's got a, you know, whatever. It just reeks like all that microwavable gas station food. Right. And the repercussions of those foods that they just consumed too. God, one of the greatest things I ever saw, we stopped at a gas station on our way home from up north. The most hungover guy in the car is like, I feel like garbage, but I got to get something to eat.

So he goes into the gas station and he gets a tuna fish salt. No, don't do that. I love tuna fish. I do. Gross. I'll damn near eat any tuna fish sandwich. It's one of my favorites. But this guy got this kind of lukewarm tuna fish sub from the roadside gas station in Boabic or some nightmare, you know, small.

And he brings it into the car. We're like, you're sure that's the first thing you want to eat with your overhang? You want a tuna fish. Maybe start with a bag of peanuts or something. We get out onto the interstate. He takes one bite out of that tuna fish sub, rolls down the window, throws the rest of it out the window. Oh, God. Now that my mother is gone, I can light her up six ways from Saturday on this.

Yelling when nothing's wrong. Someone who yells behind the wheel. Look out. Oh, no. That was my mother. I've had to make a request with my wife because she won't do that, but what she'll do is, like, let's say we're going through an intersection. She'll be like, oh, I forgot to tell you. It's completely unrelated.

So I'm ready to slam on the brakes. looking around like, oh my God, what's going on? I've done that before. She's made me panic a couple times with her enthusiasm to bring something up that's unrelated to, and it's always at the worst time, like merging onto a freeway or whatever. And then she goes, oh, my God, I forgot to tell you that your son failed his math test. Yeah, it's usually less than that. Yeah, I was going to say, is it something like, oh, Jenny at work got new running

shoes or something. Okay. I remember pulling out onto a busy road when we were kids and my buddy Joe Studley Joe passed on years ago Joe's in the passenger seat I'm pulling out into busy traffic and he goes oh my God and so I mean I braced for death and I said once I realized we were fine I said what and he goes your trunk is open

Was that necessary? Yeah I had to light him up on that but people who yell out when you're behind the wheel like watch out oh my God things like that Yeah, please, please don't do that. If there's something wrong, I likely know about it already. And if there isn't something wrong, you're going to give somebody a heart attack.

My mother would do one of the funniest things. My brother and I were in the front seat. My mother was in the back. We're driving home from up north. My brother, again, is behind the wheel. And he was passing cars on 169, two lane. Yeah, he cut one a little close with the oncoming car. You know what I'm saying?

And my mother from the back seat. This is what she screamed. Oh, my God, we're going to die! My brother frigging, move on the brakes, pulled into a gas station. Get your ass in there and drive. Want to scream out, oh, my God, we're going to die while I'm driving. You're up next, lady. Got some great text messages here from our listening audience.

when you're driving, you're behind the wheel, you've got a passenger, the things they do to piss you off. Here's a listener, Josh, who says a couple of his passengers gotten a taser fight while he was trying to... There was a taser fight in the car. He's trying to drive. Are they fellow officers? How does everybody have a taser in that situation?

An officer, six-foot-10 cop Jesus said his wife looks in the side view mirror every time he signals to change lanes. It's like she doesn't trust me. Could just be habit, though. One of our listeners says, you know, the other day, my girlfriend shouted, oh, my God, Christmas lights. Yeah, been there. But then when he was a passenger for her, he slightly sighed while he was in the passenger seat,

and she said, don't do that while I'm driving. This person said, anytime my sister moves her head, the steering wheel goes in the same direction, which made a drive to Wyoming very scary, he said. Say that one more time? Anytime his sister turns her head, the steering wheel goes in the same direction. Oh, so she's a terrible driver? It sounds that way. Oh, wow.

Okay, here's something annoying. When someone who is supposed to be giving you directions shouts at you to turn at the absolute last second. Oh, yeah, I've been with some bad navigators before. Oh, when passengers try to show you a vehicle. video that they have on their phone. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Don't do that. I don't want to see that in general, let alone when I'm driving. One of my pals used to fart in my car. Fart in my car is how we put it, this listener, right before I would drop them off.

Just left one for you? That's a good friend. That was his thing. He'd leave you some gas. I hate driving drunk people because I'm always afraid they're going to throw up. Let's go to Taco Bell. I have a lot of experience being a sober. I bet you have, Josh. I had somebody in my car that, like, I knew he was already puking that night. And I had to drive him back to his car.

And I was just like, dude, I had a new car at the time. I was like, I swear to God. Like, I will pull this car over and leave you. You drove him back to his car. Yeah. Hopefully for him to sleep in it. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Yeah, that sounded really bad.

Back to the location where his car was. I mean, there's so many reasons to hate being the sober driver. the fear of one of them yakking all over the back seat of your car. They're loud. They think they're funny. Why do they always think they're so funny? Josh, you've done it a billion times, I'm guessing. I have, yeah.

You know, sometimes it's kind of fun, but you're right. The people that have a quote-unquote funny comment for absolutely everything where there's just no break, it's relentless, gets kind of old. Here's a listener who says, every time I fall asleep behind the wheel, my wife totally freaks out. What's your problem? Now it got into a couple of people are trying to turn this into a conversation of how we mess with the driver. This listener says, I always enjoy stomping on the floor when someone is reversing to make them think they hit something. It's kind of funny.

That would freak me, uh? I don't know if I've ever done that bit. Me? I haven't. Scaffling jebus said any time somebody breaks in front of them, his wife loudly braces for impact. How about this? A listener says, my friggin' girlfriend, she will holler out deer.

Anytime she sees a deer a quarter mile away from us in a field. The number of heart attacks she has caused will put me in an early grave. Oh, well, lighten up a cigarette without asking first. Another way that passengers annoy the driver. Oh, that would infuriate me if somebody did that. Oh, telling me to speed because you made us late. Oh, sure. That's not cool.

The spokesman Jesus said as soon as his wife gets in the car, she starts cutting and shooting her nails everywhere. WTF. That's pretty gross. Boy, I bet that shop vac really rattles when you're sucking those things. Oh, man, that's her spot for cutting her nails? I guess. She's a untidy person.

How about this? Were you parents? Why do kids always have to finger the windows when there's frost on them? It's fine. I like doing that too. You make that little footprint, don't you? Yeah. You make that little footprint.

Roastmaster Jesus said when he has passengers shut off certain features in his vehicle, they don't like on in their vehicle, so they just assume he shouldn't want to use them either. That's bizarre behavior. Don't mess with that stuff. Reach over and start turning things off? I guess. I've had somebody just talking about messing with the radio.

start to change the settings, like the base and crap like that. What are you doing? Well, you got to be all about that base, Ashley. No trouble. No, I have to go in and change all that. I'm not doing that. You don't mess with someone else's stereo. As far as this original conversation that was happening on the godless internet,

here are just a few more final, final answers on the most annoying things that passengers do, putting their feet up on the dashboard. Oh, yeah, my wife and son do that, and I had to tell him, like, Gordon Shank. Our Trooper Shank has told us before, like, you know, if you get into an accident, you might be folding yourself in half. Oh, yeah. So I always remind him of that. My parents have told me that since I was a little kid, but I still do it on like longer road trips. It's just so comfortable.

But I did. It took a while with my husband for me to like bring it up if it was cool. He's like, I don't give a crap. I would keep your freaking dirty feet off my dashboard. Slamming the door too hard when they get out. Talking, oh, we covered talking loudly on the phone. Oh, and finally, when someone, your passenger, reminds you of what the speed limit is.

You know, it's 35 here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you. Gotcha. Great answers on the text machine. Thank you, everybody. Congratulations to Candy Sheez-Sys, who just got a work promotion on Friday. That's exciting.

Old Boat Rens Jesus, texting a shout-out to his grandson, Ryan, turning the big 09. And happy 15th birthday to Isaac, aka Zimmerman Adaptive Bowling League Jesus from Beer and, Pizza Sheezes. The 93X half-assed morning show.

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