93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Mystery Surgery

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

Originally Aired May 26, 2026: Aliens, ghosts, or zombies? Kindergarten graduation brawl. Everything you wanna know about using a sandwich as toilet paper.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We were living the life there for a short one. while. But that's all over now. Thank you for dialing us in this morning. Tell me what happened, Josh. It's been four or five days since we were side-beside live on the radio. What they do to you this time? Go ahead. Well, there was some fun. There was fun. There was great disappointment. There was also quite the opposite of fun. Yeah. Great disappointment. There were some humbling moments. Jesus, really? Yeah. There Sounds adventurous. Times where I was slovenly and times where I was active. A little bit of everything.

Wow. All right, a little bit of everything. Went to the Egan Big Rig rally on Thursday night, which I was very excited about. Oh, yeah. How'd that go? Just wall-to-wall chicks? I got to see. There was some chicks there, as a matter of fact.

Last Thursday, you could not stop talking about your plans to visit the Egan Big Rig showdown. Yeah, and I want to say hello to met members of the brother and sisterhood out there, a very good crowd, got to sit in the bear cat, you know, the police vehicle. That was awesome and kind of hear all about it and kind of

what they use it for, that kind of thing. Fire trucks. Plenty of fire trucks. Fire trucks. Which were awesome. Did you guys know that the big fire trucks, they kind of have a transformer mode where the cab tilts up?

to, I'm assuming, working on the engine or whatever. I'd never seen that before. Oh, that's sweet. I'm not sure if I've ever witnessed that myself. Yeah, it was awesome. Like it's doing an endo, Nick. Sure, sure. Just like it's doing an endo?

The cab will tilt forward so the boys and girls can access there something underneath. And they were doing demonstrations where they're picking things up with buckets. And I'm sorry, I don't know what the pinchers are called. Let's go with pinchers. Okay, pinchers. and I so badly wanted to be pinched and just thought, hey, lift me up. Because these guys were really talented, watching them kind of go through the motions and stuff. They might have just pried all the clothes right off of you.

Yeah, that was cool. With the pinchers. Huge lawnmowers, street sweepers. It was a lot of fun. I loved that kind of thing, and it was cool seeing a big crowd. And, you know, watching how excited the kids were to sit in all this stuff. The kids and you. Yeah, I only sat in the Bearcat.

There was lines for everything else. I'm happy. I don't want to wait. line. But I had to get in the bear cat. I'm happy that it all turned out for you because it was something you were just thrilled. The idea of attending this event had you had you just in a tizzy last week, so I'm glad you got around to and had a good time. Tell me about the great disappointment. Tell me about the... Well, yeah, I'll tell you that in a second. Real quick, I went to a blood draw. I had to have my medication checked. I have to do that every

once in a while just to make sure I'm on a good dose. You went to a blood letting? And I usually go just to the doctor's office, but they sent me to a different place that this is all they do. They just do these blood tests for various reasons. A whole laundry list of reasons. And I'm pretty sure I'm one of maybe two people who weren't there for a probation-related court order. It was a rough-looking crowd. Rough-looking crowd that didn't want to be there at 10 in the morning. I mean, it was packed on Friday.

I thought maybe there'd be no one there. It's usually when you go to the doctor like 10 a.m. on a Friday little lab. There's nobody around. So you think you were the only one there. It was me and maybe one other old lady. For your health. Yeah, I think so.

Everybody else looked like they had to be there. They were there to give possible evidence of a crime. Yeah, a bunch of people that look like they could wipe the floor with me real quick, which is not uncommon in any room, but in that particular room. A big rig show, a bloodletting. Yeah, and the disappointment was I was supposed to join Ashley, my honorary nephew, and her husband for the state fair kickoff. Oh, right.

That's something else we covered last week. We were going to go on Sunday, but I didn't realize it could sell out. So I couldn't get a ticket. I went to buy us tickets. And Ashley, I didn't know at the time had bought hers a week or so ahead of time. Did you guys know that thing could sell out? Yeah, I remember from peers past. I had no idea.

Years passed. Yeah, I had absolutely no idea. I never had trouble getting tickets before. It was adorable because, so. we bought the tickets and I was like yeah you know just in case we want to go I don't know and then my husband actually was like hey we should invite Josh and I was like that's a great idea he would love to see Calvin and so like you know we had the tickets beforehand and once he found out that you couldn't come he was like well I don't really want to go now that's very sweet I was like what

he's like should we just go over to his house I was like I want to go get cheese curds I appreciate that you You want to see him so badly, but I want some fried food. And the food was great, but it would have been better if you were there, Josh. Yeah, I thank you for the invite, and I wanted to go. And I wish I would have bought tickets sooner. I didn't think that was a thing. So now I know. Now I know for next year.

The mini state fair. The pre-state fair. Have you gone, Nick? Yes. That's pretty fun. Did you do the drive-through one during the pandemic? Yes. That was cool that they did that.

I thought it was all right. Sure. They had belly dancers this time. time. That was pretty cool. Get out of my face. I love belly dancers. Ashley, not going to cut it for me anymore. Maybe when I was nine.

There's a restaurant by us. Dana, you're familiar with Ansari. Yeah, of course. One of our favorites. They have belly dancers there on the weekends. Fun. Boy, you got it done then, didn't you, Cubby? Yeah, I put together, well, mostly put together a rollout basketball hoop.

So my body's killing me, which is very humbling. You've been wrestling basketball hoop. since the snow, since the ice thawed. Yeah, I had an issue with the starting it. You're on your second basketball hoop. No, it's the same one. It's just been giving me trouble like I've had, too. You figured it out, though?

Do you finally have a working basketball hoop on your property? Nick, I'm so close. Are you getting there? It's so frustrating. But luckily, I wish I was more handy, but I feel a little better because in the instructions, the parts that I'm having trouble with, apparently so many people have had trouble

that they put in there, hey, if you run into trouble here, call customer service. Oh, my God. So it's at the parts. They're very aware are giving folks trouble. Well, that's a hell of a deal.

I hope that this lack of a hoop on your property hasn't hurt your game. Well, it's been nice because no one can dunk on me. Oh. You know, and I'm not looking forward to neighbor kids embarrassing, posterizing me, they call it there in the NBA. If there's no basketball hoop on your driveway,

you can't get your ass kick regularly by the seven-year-olds. And made fun of by the seven-year-olds. I know you take a lot of hell from the kids in the neighborhood. I'd like to stop by sometime and put a lid on that. Yeah, you should. When I first met one of my neighbors, you remember we had that crappy basketball hoop, the in-ground one until it fell over.

Yeah, I'd like to teach these young kids about hard fouls. Yeah, they need it. Good. Yeah, they need it. What about that? You had the one hoop that was kind of leaning onto your, it wasn't quite into the ground properly, and your driveways on a hill. Yep.

It was the worst. Oh, it's terrible. It looked in terrible. It looked off. But it was fun. You know, we had fun of it. You miss a shot. You got to chase the basketball down the neighborhood.

Oh, yeah. And the guy right next to us where that ball would go has a bunch of keep out signs. So it's kind of terrifying if the ball goes over that way. But I jokingly asked one of my neighbors. I was like, hey, you know, feel free to dunk on that thing. And he did. But, you know, he's a pretty good athlete. He dunked on an eight-foot hoop?

Yeah. Or maybe. Wait a minute. Ten foot hoop? I don't think it's ten feet. I think it's like eight and a half, something like that. What am I talking? The standard is ten feet.

Oh, my damn. So I'm hurting today. My legs. You know, anybody that works for a living, I know you're calling me names, and I understand. Trust me. Mad respect. You know, you're in positions. You're not used to lifting things, moving things.

Oh, yeah. I put six hours into that thing on... Oh, my God. It shouldn't take you six hours to put up a frigging basketball hoop. Oh, I know. Oh, screw that. I would have quit after 20 minutes. Hire somebody.

I regretted it. Everyone knows you got the money. Yeah, right. In there, they said, hey, you know, here's a number you could call to get hooked up with somebody to put it together. And I looked it up online. It was like a couple hundred bucks. We spent, I think, 300 on the hoop. So there's no way I could spend that to get it put together.

You know what I got for you this morning, Josh? I got myself a little mystery. Oh, I like mysteries. You know, I like to talk about history. I like to talk about history, but in this case, it's a mystery. You know, we're in the never-ending process of cleaning out our folks' place since the both of them passed. You're still doing that? I told you.

I think I've told you. Well, number one, it's not like it's down the street. Yeah, yeah, true, true. It's a couple hours out of town. If my folks would have retired here in town every spare minute, we'd be over there trying to get things done. And the fact that they lived and died two hours out of town, you know, we get up there when we can, my siblings and I. That's cool that you're all doing it. You know, sometimes it's one person.

We're trying. We're trying. One offspring that does all the work. So, again, this past weekend was one where we had the time to go on up north. and try and, you know, we're getting there. We're getting to a situation where soon enough we will have some type of a sale. I don't know the proper terms, but we're going to have some type of a sale where jabronies in town can just walk into the house and buy whatever the hell they want to buy. It's called the state sale.

I'll go along with it. That sounds familiar. Thank you, Dana. We'll put a $1 sign on the couch, right? 50 cents per a bed. You know, whatever. Take whatever the hell you want. We're not looking to get rich off of this.

So that's what we're going for. And then what isn't bought in that estate sale, we'll just sell it as is. So we're trying to throw away what needs to be thrown away and set aside what we think will sell, blah, blah, blah on and on until the day that we drop dead. My siblings and I. So my brother and I were out in the garage.

One thing we discovered is that we are quite certain that my dad was planning a violent thing. attack on the government. Oh, no. Because we have found more weaponry and ammunition than we thought one man could possibly own. Would you describe it as a cachet or is a cash? I never know how you pronounce it. I don't know how to use that. I've heard both. We did not know that he was a disgruntled citizen, but it appears that he was ready to take on. Anyway, so we're trying to find out what we can do with all of that. Sad Packer fan Jesus said, get a big red check. I was going to say you should call up Blindall. That's what they do.

They buy stuff and then you don't have to do anything. It's the easiest thing in the world. Next to Dana's mom. I didn't mean that. You caught yourself going somewhere. I was trying to stop text. I had to, Dana, I'm sorry. And I'm so sorry to your mom.

I liked it. I like when you get a little spicy like that. You're right, Josh. There are options on what we could do. Here's where the mystery kicks in. So I wasn't aware of this, but there were a couple of safes in the home. Maybe I knew it and forgot it. It doesn't matter.

A couple of safes. And no one was able to get into these damn things. Finally, somebody... Something you need a key or like a code? See, I don't know. I was totally unaware of these safes until yesterday. My siblings told me that they were finally... I left a little earlier than they did for home.

They stayed for a little while long. and they spent some time trying to crack into these safes. And they finally did. Ah. Oh, there was some divorce papers in there, you know, because my folks got married and then divorced and then married again. True story. A lot of paperwork.

There was some cool stuff like my old man's discharge papers from his days in the Air Force and this, that, other things. The mystery is this. My sister found a receipt of some sort from a triple. to the emergency room where emergency surgery was performed on me when I was a six-year-old kid and nobody knows what the hell it was. You have no memory at all? Absolutely none.

It was December of 1976, so I was six years old. What the hell was done to me when I was a six-year-old kid? I don't ever remember my mom or dad saying Dick Tracy about this. What did they do to me? Is, uh, can, can you just like call? Is that a thing? I don't know, call like, uh, I don't know, like the, the hotline you can call for like, like, because, like, what you call to make an appointment somewhere?

Well, but this was, this was, uh, uh, I don't even know if the hospital was listed. Uh, I didn't see it. My siblings saw it. Weird. Um, very likely the hospital was listed. I'll ask them. I think it was, I think there was some word about it happening in Wasika. Anyway, I suppose we could call the hospital and say,

hey, is there anyone there that knows what happened in December of 76? Yeah, that's the thing is that records were probably taken a lot differently than they are now. They weren't digitized back then. That is so cool, though. It was emergency surgery performed on me as a six-year-old kid. there was no details in the receipt as to what? Just you? Just me.

So you and your brother weren't conjoined twins that needed to be separated at six years old? Dude. I would love it if that was the answer. That would be fascinating if that was the answer. But no, we came out to shoot separately. So I don't know. What do you guys think was done to me? Circumcision.

That late. Pesness reduction? Possible. So my sister and I were on the telephone last night, to figure it out. I don't know who we would ask if we even cared to find the answer. I don't know if this for sure would help, but maybe it would narrow some stuff down. Did they tell you the price? Yes. Oh, yes.

Ingrown toenail prices or open heart surgery? It was, there was a price tag on it, and it wasn't, it wasn't extraordinary. Okay, so you would think that if, like, they had to pull a tumor off of me or something, and that would have cost money. I don't care when. Even if it was 1976, that would have cost a good chunk of money. It was not an expensive procedure. Did you already say, I'm sorry if you already did.

Did you say where it was? For whatever, this is just I'm going, this was just last night. I thought someone said something about Wasika. Maybe I'm making that up. You know, my family visited that area now and again, and I must have been with them and something happened. But, you know, we traded stories. all the time in my family.

There were no secrets as far as I know. So what the hell did they do to me back then to where it never came up again? I never, I'm 54 years. My folks, my mom died five months ago. You know, I'm 54 years. I don't remember either one of them ever ever saying, you know, in December of 76,

when we brought you to that hospital for emergency surgery, that was a hell of a deal. I never heard word one about that story. I was thinking it was something like stitches, but you would like something simple like that, but you would probably have a scar that you would be aware of. Right. Maybe you got burned? And it said emergency surgery?

Yes. Huh. When I was, well, you see, you know, Josh knows the story of when that dog bit my lips off, but I was a little older. I know that, and I don't think it was the winter time when that dog bit my lips off. So I don't think it was the lip,

replacement surgery that I don't think it was that because I was older than six years old when the dog bit my so we don't know that's the mystery what what the hell did they do to me yeah that's weird and the fact that you've like you said your family's told so many stories oh god I mean you know like for instance the dog biting my lips off story that story came up damn near every time we saw a dog someone would say hey remember the time when your lips got me yeah I remember so it never came up. Do you have all your organs that you're aware of? No doctor's ever said, boy, you're missing a spleen. I get looked at pretty often because I'm falling apart at the seams as we speak. So I go to the doctor quite often these days. I may be on my way out. So I would know, I think, if I was missing some organs.

If they yank the kidneys out of me to sell for beer money, I don't, you know. Utility locate Jesus. I was thinking the same thing as him, like maybe your tonsils got removed. But then again, I don't think that's an emergency. No. Well, if you have like major strap or something like that or if they get so large, you're having trouble breathing. Oh, maybe. Here's O Carpenter sauna Jesus who says, I'm heading to Wasika today. I will ask everyone that I know and get to the bottom of this. And it wouldn't be, if it was tonsils removed, Nick is very unobservant. If he hasn't noticed all these years, he has no tonsils. How would I know if I have my tonsils or not? Because they're back there. Okay. I don't think it was tonsils.

Here's a question. Do I have a scar below my waistline? What does that mean? What is that? What? Did I have something added or removed? I don't know. Do I still have my appendix?

I don't know. See, I would have, again, I would have heard this story. If it was something as simple as an... You'd have a scar. In the 70s, right, you'd probably have a more pronounced scar than if it was done today, whatever it was. Did I have a birth mark somewhere? I don't think so.

Do you mind... purely to solve this mystery and to put your mind at ease, getting completely naked for me and I can examine your body. Yeah, we've got to check you for scars. I would be totally comfortable doing that for you, Josh. It would be medical, of course. Lifting my leg up, and I'll get it a little higher. I can't quite see you all the way.

This person says that you can call the hospital Crazy Ray Jesus. And, you know, they'll have all the paperwork. December of 76, you think they still have that paperwork sitting around? I would think so. I'd love to find out maybe the blood in your grandmother's clam chowder was yours, the listener says. Maybe that was your blood. Well, that happened when I was in my 30s. Wouldn't there be a scar somewhere?

Yeah, you'd think so. So that's where we're at. I was really thrown by that when my sister passed that on. She cracked the safe and they found these different papers, including this receipt for surgery, performed on me in 1976, never heard word one about it. Well, this is fun. I like this. I hope you figure it out. I hope we can too.

And I hope there's a big ending. You know, I'd hate to come back to you in a couple weeks and say, yeah, I had a friggin' fish bone in my throat or something, you know. From, yeah, from knowing your sister like I do and what her boobs feel like, there's no way she would prank you, right? No. Yeah, she's not, doesn't seem like a person that pulls a lot of pranks. People are betting it with stitches or someone says a hot.

Hockey incident. No, I wasn't playing hockey yet. If I was, yeah, that was probably in my first year of hockey, and I doubt anything. My buddies would have told me the story, you know. Oh, this is a good one. Oh, aunts or uncles. I suppose I could ask it aunts or uncle, but they didn't pay. They didn't pay any closer attention to us than our own parents did, so they probably don't have the answer. Cotterized blood vessels or capillaries in the nose from a bloody nose that wouldn't stop. It runs in your family. You've told the story about the bloody nose. Well, yeah, yeah, grandma had a bloody nose. The other paperwork that was found, and I'll take any of your guesses on what the hell procedure was done to me 50 years ago. 651, 989, 933, a lot of you are making guesses.

It is helpful. I can run these different ideas past my family and see if it sparks any memory. But the other paperwork that was found, and again, I didn't see it. but I was told about it, was the write-up in the local paper when my dad was shot by his own brother. Oh, it made the paper. Yeah, it made the papers.

Where was your dad living at the time? Saved that. Do you know? Lake Wilson, Minnesota. I would have framed it. Do you mind? How old were they? My dad was nine, so his brother was 16 or something like that.

Huh. And it was, see, this is kind of mysterious, too. was to write up in the paper as to what happened was different than the story I've been told my whole life. See, now the story is my dad was accidentally shot by his brother when they were throwing clay pigeons around. My dad was the little nine-year-old kid. Whiphew, he'd throw the clay pigeon, and my uncle was shooting them, right? But then, boom, the story was my uncle missed one of the clay pigeons, and my dad, And he said to my dad, his nine-year-old brother, go fetch those.

Those costs money. And when my brother, my dad, sorry, was running ahead to go collect the clay pigeon that wasn't shot, boom, he gets shot in the back, right? That was the story that I was told my whole life. The paper indicated something different. So I've always suspected that maybe this shooting wasn't an accident, right? No way. So then the fact that the newspaper write up was different, my sister said this may have been the paper was taking the word from our grandma who may have been covering up the crime.

Do you see what we're saying here? Is that all too confusing? No, it makes sense. Yeah. Do you think your uncle got a taste for blood and shot you? Is this related? Jesus. Did he shoot my dad at nine years old?

And then go for you? And then shoot me when I was six. Because he couldn't get your dad? he couldn't finish him off. It's possible. So I guess there's a couple mysteries. Why was the newspaper write up on my dad being shot different than this story that we've been told our entire lives? Maybe people could text in 651, 989, 93.

If you go through a loved one's possessions after they die, if you found some weird stuff like that or maybe some mysteries. I'd love to hear those stories. When my uncle passed away, he died of an overdose, unfortunately. and he had drugs and rolled up cash stuffed in books and all over his place. It was odd. I mean, like, a lot of cash. Find any porno? I didn't find any porno, but that's always the fear, right?

Okay, so you found. Somebody that, like if I found a bunch of that stuff at my parents' house, I would be shocked. That's the worst part. I'd rather just know my whole life they were into it than find out that they were hiding this from me. So drugs and rolled up cash, but you would be shocked. you guys knew we was involved in drugs. Yeah, we knew that.

But I didn't know about the cash. I mean, my dad was telling me, yeah, we kind of figured this would be the case. So it's just like rolled up like a little debitry. Is that what it's called a gangster roll? Yeah, some of the movies back in the days. They used to call it that. Oh, that's dirty. Now, yeah, that's a great idea.

If you found something iffy and mysterious after a loved one has passed, we would love to hear what you found. And again, the number is 651, 989, 93. That's our Luther-Bloompson-Kia text line. A gal friend of mine, unfortunately, one of her brothers died recently. And she said she was not ready for some of the things.

Oh, no, I would never want to do that for any of my brothers. Some of the sexual sex-related things that she... Oh, really? Yeah, oh, yeah. That sounds like a nightmare. So it must have been more than just kind of like a flashlight and stuff like that? It was a touch more. Oh, Officer Nasty, Jesus said after his mom died, he found out he had a long lost brother.

Yeah, I mentioned before my wife on her dad's deathbed. That's when she found out she was the second family. As a matter of fact, yeah, yeah, that's a great story. The second family story is always a keeper. Yeah, we were just actually, oh, last week, week before we had a conversation. about divorces and some of the things, some of the shadiness that goes on. This conversation reminds me about a guy last week or two weeks ago who said, when he divorced his wife, he found out he wasn't the second husband.

He was the fifth. Oh, my Lord. Yeah, that's wild. So that's a great idea. What did you find out from these folks? And what the hell really happened to me? And what the hell really happened to my dad when he got shot that day? Shady, man.

Yeah, I hope you get those answers. I'd like to know, too. The story from the paper was totally different. Probably because my grandma didn't want to tell the local papers the truth. You know what? I bet there be a lot of parents that might change the facts a little bit. Yeah. At that age, you know, as an adult, maybe it'd be different.

Well, especially in 1948 or whatever, you know. You don't want everyone in town. They lived in a tiny little town. They don't want everyone in town to know. that there's a maniac on the loose. Pudgy Jesus said his dad recently passed away, and he sent photos of some pornographies. I'm sorry?

He sent Hustler playing cards. Another one I'm not going to read. These are things that are... I don't even know if I can read the third one, but some dirty playing cards. Oh, you've got to have a set of dirty cards. So these are things that he found after his dad checked out. Yeah. Dad liked to play some spirited games of Uno.

I guess so. Yeah. Do you ever have a buddy or maybe yourself that had one of those pens where when you tipped it over, the lady's top came off? Oh my gosh. There was a kid in seventh grade that had that, and he might as well have been the president. See, again, he was treated so well. Catholic school, Cubby Catholic school, saw one of those in seventh grade. I think I saw one of those in kindergarten.

Oh, is that right? I thought seventh grade seemed kind of young. No, the naked lady pen? Scandalous. And the dirty playing cards? I received dirty playing cards as a, I think it was my 40th birthday. A friend of mine gave me a set. I never had my own set of dirty playing cards.

How dirty? Is it just nudes or is it action? Oh, no. This was brought to you by, I think it actually was brought to you by Hustler Magazine. They were doing all different terrible things to each other. I couldn't handle Huston. It was hard to pay attention to the card game. I had a buddy that he had a lot.

Dildos, Cubby. I see, I don't think I even knew what one was until I, I was an adult. Yeah, you were into your 40s before you ever knew what a dildo was. And you found out the hard way. Yeah, tell me about it. The incident. We don't give out details on the incident.

There was two incidents, but. Well, it was a double-ended, two incidents, yeah. Oh. Yeah. There you go. If anyone needs any ammunition, they'll be in a state sale coming up here. Jesus, Bulls. All right.

Well, what the hell is? today. Tuesday, we ought to get going. I hope everyone had a great memorial day. Weekend, most of you said yesterday off, I would imagine. I know that the boys from the Legion had a nice ceremony. I'm a member of the Wies at a Legion. I know they went out and had a nice ceremony yesterday to honor folks who died in battle. Those are always really cool events.

I'm still so glad that, you know, we at the Legion organized that every year. Have you gone to Fort Snelling ever? No, never been there, but I've been to these smaller ceremonies. I do that, and it's emotional, obviously. It's incredible how many people are buried there. I think next year, I want to get a part of that flag crew where they go out there and plant flags.

I mean, they need people to help. They plant so many that. Speaking of my dad, that's something that he took part in every year. Oh, did he do that? You know, it's, I go out there anyways. He put on the uniform and the whole works, you know? Oh, yeah. Did you know that the guy with the bugle that's not legit?

There's just a button that plays the... Oh, really? That's disappointing. That threw me. Man, mill and vanilla. I'm not saying in every case. That's a peep behind the curtain I didn't want. But I know in some cases, you know, you know,

bugling is a lost art, so there's a... Yeah. There's a... I don't know if I'd be... Especially in an event like that. I don't know if I'd have the courage. Well, because one of these guys that I drink with, they said, you know, yeah, Donnie, down the end of the bar, he's the bugler. And I said, that frigging moron knows how to play a bugle.

And they said, no, it's just a button. You just press it and it does the thing. Man. I was strung by that. That's still cool, I guess. I was strown by that news, too. Was he messing with you? No, no.

Just like one of those self-playing pianos? Yeah, sort of. It's just a button. They'd be like going to Menards and you find out the guy's pretending on a self-playing piano. Legit buglers are rolling their eyes. I'm just saying, in some situation. situations you can't find a dude who knows how to play a bugle. Yeah, I don't know anybody.

So I guess that makes sense. There you frigging go. All right, we'll be back in a couple of minutes here on the program. 93. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters?

We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at staying. Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.

Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Schaever here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

And it spells relief for you. One night with Stiney. Shout out. Fullson, No. This is just about me being myself. It's going to be chaotic. I can't guarantee anything. All I can guarantee is that you're going to be entertained.

What can I join in OVO? You can keep DMing Drake or keep paying I like O'Neill I know that I do that I know you DM Drake all the time I know you know that You paid me $3,000 on Venmo one time To text him for you

Dude one night with Stiney One night with Sine Amy let's go Follow and listen on your favorite platform Stupid news On the half-assed morning show First let me Let me address a few text messages That have been sent our way

They have copy we were talking about a couple of mysteries in my personal life and our listening audience has been trying to help solve this mystery. A few days ago, my siblings were going through some belongings, some of my parents' belongings, both of my folks have checked smooth out now. And we're in the process of cleaning out their house and that whole smear. A lot of you have been through it. My siblings were going through some paperwork that they found

a locked safe. And some of it was kind of, you know, the kind of documents you'd expect to find in a safe, some financial this and that. Some other papers were just interesting. My dad's, what do they call it, discharge papers from his time in the Air Force and this and that. But one of the items that was found is mysterious to all of us. It was paperwork. from a hospital visit where I was apparently in need of emergency surgery in December of 1976. So I was a six-year-old kid. Emergency surgery.

And none of us have any idea what it was. None of us recollect why I was there or what was done to me. So our listeners were texting in trying to help solve this mystery. What the hell were they doing to me back then? And why was it never brought up? beyond that moment, 50 years ago. Damn near every guess under the sun has been made, and we appreciate that. Here are a few others that were texted in.

What about the possibility, Josh, of tail removal? Oh, you know what? That's possible. But it's an emergency. That's the thing. Yeah, why was it an emergency? You could probably, you know, schedule a tail removal for weeks down the road. It usually wouldn't be a...

Or maybe it was an emergency like for your parents who got sick of looking at it. They were grossed out. Yeah, we're going to cut this damn thing off if you don't get a pro in here. They had reached their limit on that. Yeah, I mean, someone said tail removal was quite common back then. One of our listeners says my brother once had emergency surgery for a pinto bean. He had shoved up his nose and it had started to sprout. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. How long was that thing up there? They're saying maybe you got something stuck somewhere in a place where your folks vowed to never speak of it again. I had something in my can or something. Maybe I jammed something up the old Euretra. I don't know. They never said a word about it. An undescended testicle.

Oh, that could be. Well, I guess I don't know if undescended is necessarily an emergency or not, but maybe. And all of this, you know, this mysterious paperwork, Josh, it led Josh to ask our listeners a fun question. Have you been cleaning out the things? Have you been cleaning out the belongings of a dead loved one and found something interesting? 651-989-93, if you have a cool answer there. If you've found something, a few people already texted in and said, yeah, my grandpa or my dad had a boatload of porno movies.

You know, hidden here, hidden there, naked pictures of their mothers and things like that. Offspring they didn't know about. Quite a few people. You wouldn't think it would be that common. But apparently, quite a few people have had that experience. One of our listeners says, after my uncle checked out,

we were clearing out his house and we found a penis-shaped cake pan. That's lovely. I've seen one of those. Your uncle was, was baking penises? That's funny. After our gal friend died, we found out that she was a prostitute. Really?

I'd love to know how they found out. It was some kind of computer. Oh, sure. There was some financial, this and that. You know, blowjob, $75. You know, anal with those. A spreadsheet. Japanese businessman came to town, 350 that kind of a thing.

75 for a blowjob. I thought they were cheaper than that. She must have been pretty good at. She was good. Yeah. Oh, and listen to this. One more text. And we welcome, again, your guesses on what the hell was done to me in 1976.

We welcome your guesses there. And any further stories on interesting items you found after a loved one passed away. Listen to this, Covey. Here's a guy whose friend checked out. we found out that he had a storage unit that no one else knew about. Dude. Took us forever, but we finally found the key and opened that storage unit. Holy cow.

Oh, this must have been good. It was completely empty. Ah, rats. Crocs with socks, Jesus, found an old glass Coke bottle with three mouse skeletons in it while cleaning out his mother-in-law's house. That's absolutely terrifying. His mother-in-law? I need to know the story, yeah.

She was involved in torturing rodents? I guess. Maybe they just crawled in there and died and nobody knew about it. Honey, honey, why does your mother always go home early from all these family parties? Well, they found out she had to go home and torture rodents. She had an hour window every evening where she would torture small animals. It's all very interesting. I know.

Skinny arms, big cops. Job Jesus said, uh, wait. Skinny who, what? There's a discrepancy on the Jesus names. It also could be milk harvester Jesus. Sorry, we have you listed as something different. He said, it's weird. When both my grandpa's passed, we found love letters from your mom.

God dang it. This turned on me quick. Your mother was sending love letters to both of this listeners. His grandparents. That sucks. I'm sorry. I hate when that happens. All right. There you go. We'll dial into the stupid news like we always do around this time.

Oh, what do I have here for you? For starters, a few days ago, a few days ago is how you say it. There was all different levels of nonsense to deal with down there in Louisiana. And it all got started when some fully grown jabroney by the name of Clint. The problem started, Cubby, when Clint got access to a telephone. Some people, they should earn that. True. Some people should not.

Like Lillian from Eddie Murphy's legendary 1987 stand-up routine, Raw. Lillian, at one point or another, she was not allowed to use the phone, was she? You got to prove that you're responsible enough to use it. Although we wouldn't have been able to use it back with prank calls back in the day. Prank calls were a beautiful thing. Yeah, that's fun. I don't care if the mother effing house is burning down. Lillian was not allowed to use the phone.

This Clint character, he got himself a telephone. I think old Clint has problems with reality because as soon as he got access to that telephone I was mentioning, he started telling stories. He's one of these guys that calls 911 over and over again. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good, good. He's one of those guys. Oh, Christ, he called 911 over and over again.

He told the cops that they ought to come running his way because there were zombies on the loose. Oh, boy. He said there were also ghosts all over the neighborhood and a UFO. Wow. That's a handful. You got to pick one. You know, one, you might go, gosh, I wonder if he's on to something there, but three, you realize, all right, he's full of cool. Yeah.

Are you saying less is more? I think so in that case. Less is more in this situation. He called 911. He said, there's zombies over here. And then I'm also wrestling with some ghosts and the UFOs have shown up. On top of all that noise, once the cop showed up at Clint's door, he tried to claim that he was a cop too. Oh my God.

Hello fellow employees. What's up, colleagues? If you had to pick one, Nick, that existed, which one between the zombies, the ghosts, and the aliens? I think I'd be most afraid of the zombies. Oh, which one I'd be most afraid of? No, which one would you pick, like, if it existed? Probably ghosts. Which one I would prefer to be real?

Yeah, of the three. Zombies scared me the most. I want nothing. They don't scare me much. I don't know. Maybe like seeing all the TV shows and movies kind of have made me, like, less afraid of them. Like they almost feel real already, you know? You think we're already existing in a world of zombies?

Yeah. Do you notice them by them staring at their phones constantly? Yes, exactly. That's the key giveaway. I want nothing to do with zombies. I've seen all those same motion pictures, Ashley, and that looks like a dirty, disgusting, awful situation. Some of them are scary fast. Ghosts are stupid.

So I'm not afraid of ghosts. Bring the UFOs this way. Yeah, I want to see their ships and stuff. I want to see what they look like. I want to see what they have to say. And I want them to take us smooth out. I want to ask about the anal probes. Is that real or is this kind of a bad rap like Richard Gear got?

Did somebody start that rumor to embarrass you guys? Good question. Josh, you were so excited to see all those big trucks and firefighter. or fire trucks and stuff and Egan on Thursday. Imagine how excited you would be if you got to tour a UFO. I'd be pumped. Yeah.

If the admission was you need your anus probed, I'd probably avoid it. But then I'd give in later. When am I going to have this opportunity again? So here's this guy, Clint. He calls the cops. He's going on and on about zombies, ghosts, and UFOs.

When the cops get there, he says, you know, I'm also a cop. Nothing to see here. You know, thanks for stopping by. And you can't do all that. You can't be calling 911 just because you're nuts. So Clint has been brought up on charges of misusing an emergency telephone line. And you can't claim to be a cop when you ain't.

So Clint is also going to have to see a judge over his impersonation of a law enforcement officer. Clint's not going to make it. That's my prediction. He ain't, he's not going to. I'd have to agree with that prediction. Yeah, he'll be in a facility and maybe he should be. Yeah, I'd like the aliens to swing by. If they're friendly, how fascinating to sit down and have a beer with one of these peckerheads

and find out what life is like on their planet, what they make of us. But if they're here just to wipe us smooth off the face of the planet, we have it coming. Maybe they have some technologies that would greatly benefit humanity. Can you imagine if they could cure cancer or something like that? That's me running. A zombie's not going to cure cancer. They start their own thing. They do.

Friken zombies. They'd make a few bucks on that cancer cure. They would make a few dollars. All right, these next two stories, I think we can all handle this. I think we've been through worse in our relationship as a radio program and the listeners of a radio program. I think we've dealt with worse. So I'm just going to do what I do.

I'm going to go ahead anyway. But I ought to warn everyone. We're going to get into a conversation, or two, concerning wet, soft, cold, adult stool. Ugh, why is it cold? It's been sitting there a while.

Refrigerated. That's, yeah. I didn't say room temp. Again, I think we've been through worse, but I ought to just let you know. This is going to get pretty bad. A fully grown adult woman is being accused of throwing her wet, soft, cold adult stool. She's accused of throwing a handful of that at her dad. They're calling it here a, quote, domestic dispute.

That's what animals do. Yes. People don't do that. Right. I had a temper when I was a kid, but I've never been so mad where I just wanted to throw something. And if there's feces, go for it. Never had that. What was your worst meltdown as a child?

I can remember. I was pretty young. I'll have to think about it for a second. I can remember mine. I would never be able to remember mine. Because I was maybe third or fourth grade when my mom kind of sat me down and said you got to chill out. And that works. That conversation worked.

I would go nuclear. I wasn't the type to tear down the house. I grew up with a couple of buddies who, when they had their little temper, meltdown, when they had their massive pant weddings, they would, like, tear the telephone off the wall and kick a hole of the wall. I never, but I would just spin in a circle completely out of control and threatened to kill every member of my family. By my greatest meltdown, my brother and sister and I, I had this huge argument.

And I ended up in the basement screaming bloody murder about how I was going to kill everyone in the house. And I'm screaming myself almost unconscious. What I didn't know was my brother and sister had just smooth left the house while I was downstairs. They had heard enough and they just left. I thought they were still upstairs hearing every word I was saying. So I'm screaming and threatening. and screaming and threatening all by myself in the basement. And I got no reaction.

Usually my brother and sister would have said, you know, whatever, blow me. F you, right? They would have continued screaming at me from the upstairs. But I got no reaction. I continued to scream and yell and scream and yell. And then I heard this. Hello? A neighbor of ours had walked into the house.

This was my sister's best friend at the time. We were, during those days, we were very free and open about walking into each other's homes because we were good friends. We were neighbors. So this neighbor gal had walked into the house and I was in the basement screaming like a maniac. So then I had to quickly be like, oh, hello? I was just practicing my acting skills. Isn't it great? I'm so great.

I was, yeah? What can I do for you? Oh, is your sister home? No, no, I don't know where she's at. Okay, bye. I thought of mine. My mom canceled my World of Warcraft account, and I got so mad I stuck a controller up my butt.

Or maybe that was a viral video. Yeah, I was going around. I think that was somebody else, Josh. Yeah, I misremembered. That wasn't you. You're just jealous. Now I had to have been fake, right? Although that kid did look pretty pissed off.

I heard later. I heard later it was fake. Okay, so here's this lady. she threw her own watery feces at her dad. You want to talk about some, what do they call it, arrested development? That's what I think is at play here. Here's the story, 25-year-old gal called Elissa. She was told by her mother that she wasn't going to be going on a car ride with her mom that day.

Alyssa was just going to stay home. I'm going to Gina's house. And Alyssa said, well, I'll go with. No, no, you stay here. And that was too much for a 25-year-old woman to hear. So Alyssa had a little pant wedding. She started jumping up and down on the lid of her mother's car. Oh, my God.

You son of a bitch, you're going to take me with to Gina's house. Again, I'm picturing an animal. It's tough to picture a human, doing something like this. So far, so far the feces throwing, we haven't even gotten to that yet. I mean, we know about it, but we haven't discussed it yet. The feces throwing and the hopping up and down on the lid of a car sounds very apish. It doesn't seem human.

Doesn't seem human. She hopped up and down on her mama car until there was a big dent up there. Again, she's 25 years old. Mom comes out the house and says, get your fat ass off the roof of my car. For cripe's sake, you're 25 years old. okay? Alyssa jumped off the car and on to her mother and she tackles her mom down onto the ground. Dad had to come out the house and pull the two of them apart.

Mom leaves. About an hour later, seemingly Alyssa had calmed down. But an hour later, Alyssa asked her dad. She said, hey, what's a gal got to do to get a drink? around here. Can I mix myself a drink from your liquor cabinet, dad? And her dad said after the way you were acting earlier,

hell no. Oh, don't say no to her. You're not getting... I'd probably just let her have it. He said you're not getting any hooch out of my liquor cabinet. You just put a $700 dent in your mom's car. No, no liquor for you. Well, that caused our gal Alyssa

to bust another spring. That's when she, right in front of her dad, pulled off her shorts and her sexy underwear. She squatted. She pressed a stool sample, a soft one, into the palm of her right hand. She waited for it to cool, and then she threw it at her dad. He called the police. And the cops, when they got there, saw that the old man did. have some of his daughter's soft wet feces in his hairdo.

Oh. If somebody throws poop at you and you know this person well, it's probably a situation where you're not completely shocked, right? If they're able to get to that level, like if one of you guys reacted in that way, I would think you got a concussion or something like that. Oh, I'm sure this was no surprise to the old man. Yeah, because there's people in your life probably that folks can relate to this where they would be a likely poop thrower.

It wouldn't shock them. You could pick them out of a crowd. You know, oh, it's definitely so-and-so. You hear the old, here we go again. Yeah, was it that person? With the poop. The cops had to tell the old man, yeah, you got some of that stool in your hair. Got to shave the head at that point.

Alyssa went to jail. And again, this is why I'll never regret coming away from life with zero children because of the chances that I would have had to deal with a kid like Alyssa. You? Psychomaniac, soft, cold stool thrower. And I'm sure she's been a pain in their ass from day one, and she will be until the day that they die. I'd get one of those kids.

You would. I'd get one of those stool throwers. Why do you think that? Because I got bad luck. Yep. Bad luck. All right. Until the day that they die, Josh. I know.

All right. I said earlier, I think we've been through worse as a family. I guess you can tell me at this point, if I'm wrong. This one is also going to get rough. And it is once again related to soft, wet human feces. So here we go. The cops in England are someplace silly like that. The cops are looking for a feller who pulled off a pretty. rotten trick at a bar. The cops know the name of the guy that they're looking for. He goes by

the name of Mark, and they know what he looks like. There are many witnesses who will never forget what Mark looks like after what he did. Mark's face is seared into their eyes for eternity. The cops just can't find him right now. He's hiding out. Mark is wanted for cutting loose with what they call here an indecent act. And here's Mark's story. He walked into the the bar one night. Everyone who saw him said he was acting weird as hell right away. You could see it on his face.

He was not all there. He asked if he could use the head. And the folks at the bar said, yeah, go ahead. Give her. He was in the men's room for about four or five minutes, they said. Mark had a dog with him, just for the record. Witnesses said that the dog had a look on its face as if it was saying, somebody, please steal me.

But anyways. So Mark goes into the John for a few minutes. Then he walks up to the bar and asks for a drink, but admitted he didn't have any money to pay for the drink. Then he claimed he had a bomb in his pocket. Nobody bought that. But the bar staff was so weirded out by Mark that they pretended the club was closing.

They wanted to get him out of there as quickly as possible. Yeah, we're wrapping things up here. So you say you don't got any money for a drink. That's okay. We're closing up anyway. This guy gave him the creeps, so they put on this fake We're closing routine. He bought it.

He left the joint, walked right outside. Here's where Lifetime core memories, Josh. A lot of people talk about that on social media. They have a lot of core memories. Yeah, I think I've heard that before. Here's where Lifetime Core memories were made for everyone who was lucky enough to see it all turn out that night. Mark went outside the bar, and then he pulled his pants in his underwear aside, and he put his naked ass up against the exterior wall of the bar.

And he, uh, he pooed on the, on the wall. Man. Wonderful. And witnesses said that Mark made a very distinct sound for everyone to hear when he was pressing it out. Now, after Mark, shh, on. the wall and people were still watching him and he knew that they were watching. After he pooed on the wall, he removed a black bag from his pocket. Inside the black bag.

No. There was a sandwich. Oh, I thought. Tart it. I'm sorry. I'm glad. I'm glad it was that. I thought it was going to be more.

Like sex toy? Oh, more feces. He's adding to his collection. Yeah. I have some new stuff. and some old stuff. Oh, God, here we go. No, inside the black bag was a sandwich.

Mark wiped his ass with the sandwich. He did. He used a sandwich to wipe his ass that's never been done before in the history of man. I've never heard of that. It's never been done before. I bet the bread really silks it up, though. Could be. Depending on the bread.

Stop. I like sandwiches. This is going to mess me up. 20.26. We made it all the way to 20 and 26 before someone wiped their ass with a sandwich. It's a pretty good run. Who's going to be next? One gal at the bar that night. She said this. She said, I've never known anything so disgusting in all of my life. Oh, poor girl. You don't expect somebody to do anything like that. You don't. I feel so bad.

Agreed. Agreed. A therapist. So what brings you in today? Well, I wiped my butt on some rye. Made a turd-key sandwich. Here's the good news. Some of you might be thinking that he would take a bite out of the sandwich.

It's a wonder if he's going to get that far. There's no report on that at all. All right. But he did. He wiped his dirty bottom. Nobody needs to know that. It's between you and God. Yeah, I've had a report.

enough. That was Mark. Is he going somewhere safe? Padded walls. Oh, I don't know where he went. Yeah, he could use a talking to by a professional. Well, no, wait a minute. They're looking for him. That's right. The beginning of the story that he took off the cops. Yeah, he's somewhere's, but they can't find him.

Keep him out of the deli. Quite a few people are texting in, a pooper nickel, nice. Quite a few people are texting in saying that they feel like they eat a crap sandwich every day at work. Yeah. So was that, do you think that was any worse?

Was that the worst we've ever heard? Have we been through worse? I thought, I don't know. I thought, what do you think? That's pretty bad. That's up there. I don't know. Yeah.

I'm kind of amused. Are you? Yeah, the throwing poop at somebody. Not right. Never right. But, you know, I mean, he didn't throw it anywhere. I mean, hopefully he cleaned that up at some point, snuck back and cleaned that up.

And it was his poop and his sandwich. It's not like he came over to your table and took the sandwich you're eating and wiped his butt with it. Well, we don't know where he got that sandwich. Right, but we've never told a story like that before. Anyway, it's hard to judge. We've told so many disgusting stories on this program, but there you go. Yeah, medical device Jesus was bringing up that Tim Horton's video or that lady made really an impressive mess.

That was really... Can't forget that lady. That was really, really shocking. For a lot of reasons, right? The speed The speed that the turd left her body

The size of it Tim Hortons Yeah it must have been 20 years ago That was anyway Sports On the 93 eggs Half-Ast morning show Evan's got a stick on it

Kept in by Gossus there Walked by Suzuki An outlet here for Slopkoski With an empty net And he scores Uri Slovkovsky doubles down. 6-2. Montreal.

Uri-Slovsksky. Jesus, that is a tough one. Another empty net goal there for you. Oh, is that what that was? Yeah. Ah, dang. Montreal Canadians. They lost last night.

Montreal got beaten overtime last night by North Carolina. So that series is 2-1 Hurricanes. Hurricanes, Cubby. Sorry about that empty net thing. We'll start Shaver with something to make up for that. It would be another empty net goal? No, no, no. What do you think?

I haven't caught onto this yet? No, I don't know what you got on to. Tonight, Las Vegas and Colorado. Who would have thought this would be on the verge of a sweep in Las Vegas' effing favor? Eight o'clock tonight. The New York Knicks are moving on to the final, final. They've just been stomping everybody's guts out. Spurs, Thunder, Game 5 tonight.

The twins have done wonderful things here lately. over the weekend, they swept the Boston Red Sox in Boston. That was just glorious. That's awesome. They lost yesterday in game one of their four-game series with the White Sox. Things have, I guess, cooled down a little bit for the twins. There was a no-hitter last night in Major League Baseball. We'll tell you all about this, all about it, up and down at 7.30 when Randy Shaver stops by.

Josh's news report's coming up next. Ninety, three, six. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play.

If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you to deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-E. And it spells relief for you. with Stein. One Night with Stiney. Shout out. Full send. Hey, bro. What's your name, bro?

Sine. What's your name? We've been sitting here for like an hour together. I know your name. What's your name? What's your name? Spani.

I can't guarantee anything. All I can guarantee is that you're going to be entertained. I'm a professional. I'm here to interview. So the whole interview, you can ask me what I like better, Burger King and McDonald's. All right. And we are going to wrap up on that note.

Thank you, Steve so much. That was amazing. One Night with Stine. One Night with Stine. One Night with Stine. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Morning Show 93X

My wife, she's dermatophobic, so I had the most definitely cleaner before she even stepped in anywhere in this house, period. A Michigan couple says their landlord stopped by their rental home while they were away last week to make some repairs,

but he made love instead. Javon Crawford and his wife were at the hospital visiting a relative when alerts from their home security cameras started blowing up their phones. You got to remember those friggin' home security cameras if you're going to jack off in someone else's place. They're all over the place.

Yeah. Yeah. When they checked the footage, they saw their landlord completely naked, having a hump with a woman in their living room. Oh, he had a live human being. Yeah. And it was quite the scene. The mystery woman had her legs kicked straight up in the air,

and she still had her tennis shoes on. She just pointed the phone to me, and then I seen him just doing what he was doing right here in our house. Was it live? It was live, live footage. Oh, my God. Time stopped and everything. According to Jvon, he and his wife watched and disgust as the landlord made himself right at home.

Do you ever keep your tennis shoes on, Josh? No, I never left shoes on that I remember. It's got a fun. Leaving shoes on? Yeah. What makes it fun? I don't know. Just add something different.

You get a little more traction. Oh, so if you're standing or something like that. Keep them on. I mean, I could try it. Keep them on. I don't think I could do some standing stuff anymore at my age. Yeah, you put a basketball hoop together this weekend. Oh, having to be hurting all week.

He redecorated a woman's intimate areas while he was supposed to be repairing their living areas. Did he wreck that thing or what? It lasted an hour, Nick. Oh, no. That's unnecessary yet impressive. Doing way too much. Dang, man. At one point after he made love, he made lunch.

The landlord had the nerve to wander into their kitchen and made himself a lunch all while in the nude. See, that's where I'd get maybe more aggravated. Now you're eating my food. Yeah, it does seem like almost more disrespectful in a way. You know, you want to throw one in your girlfriend. Yeah, I would be upset by that. But even worse, the guy starts, you know, going through my lunch meat, things like that. That's where I'd be pissed.

And this is their landlord. I like to eat. More like a, go ahead. This is the landlord? This is the landlord. Yeah. Or in this case, more like a but-law. He walked back and forth through here, naked.

What is you in the kitchen? I saw him come out with some kind of rag or something? I don't know. It's creepy. She knows what she's asking. What the hell kind of stupid question was that? Of course, he had a rag. Yeah, she knows exactly what she's asking.

Javon said the landlord seemed way too comfortable inside their house, making them wonder whether this was really the first time the guy turned a tenant space into sputatorium. I'm wondering, too, if this guy's done this before. He seemed so comfortable. Too comfortable. That's right. Still can't believe she asked that dumb question about the rag. Yeah, what is she expecting him to say?

I had a cousin got so much ass. He'd just carry that rag in his back pocket. He had it hanging out his back pocket at all time. Like a pocket or his front pocket, a pocket square? He said his extra grossed out wife, whom he described as a germaphobe, immediately deep cleaned their living room afterward. The couple also handed the footage over to police, who said, by the way, it's unclear whether any law.

were broken, though prosecutor said the landlord could potentially face trespassing charges or wind up in civil court for violating the lease agreement. Good. You ever fold someone in half at your buddy's house or something and, you know, you left something behind you didn't mean to? Not that I'm aware of. No. That can be embarrassing.

Oh, yeah. I would think I have a relationship with friends where they would definitely tell me. A friend of my decorated my effing bed in high school didn't tell me. That's not a friend. I had a house party, took some gal down into my bedroom. It just destroyed my betting and didn't say a friggin' word. You got to throw that out. I hated him for that for a brief period of time.

That would bother me too. Understandable. Screaming matches, fists flying, hair pulling, and chairs to the head turned an Ohio event into a blood-soaked brawl. Welcome to an Ohio kindergarten grandfinding. You grabbed my kid's mom, buy her hair, pulled her away from me, start punching her in the face, and then maybe five or six other girls came and trampled her and was just stumping her, kicking her in the face.

The truly pathetic, out-of-control caught on camera masterclass of stupidity, erupted between families over seating at a Catholic school's graduation ceremony for kindergartners, leaving a woman hospitalized and another hauled off to jail. They just beat each other's ass. You know, if you watch the video, which you can see on 93X.com, it's even more infuriating. These are adults. This made you mad? It's pathetic.

Yeah, it's terrible. How did the kids deal with it? Well, luckily, the kids weren't in the room yet. They were kind of in the auditorium or wherever it was. They were in the back kind of getting ready. Sure. So they missed it. Oh.

I mean, it is so embarrassing. The Thursday morning clown show at Queens of Apostle School in Toledo started after one family started claiming entire rows of seats for themselves. That is kind of crazy. 28-year-old Jessica Anderson began cursing a confused parents who were trying to sit in seats. Apparently, she was hoarding. There was another family who started to grab their own chairs and make their own seating, which I didn't really have a problem with, but my kids' mom, they were right in front of her and she couldn't see. That's parent Craig Mays, who said he attempted to calm Anderson down, but barely got a few words out before members of her family

jumped in, acting less mature than the five. year olds getting diplomas. Once I was taken to the ground, it was probably four or five other guys that were on top of me, trampling me, punching me, kicking me in the head. After taking a hit, Mays tried taking the biblical high road and turning the other cheek, but they punched him in that cheek too. God dang. It's what is, seriously, what is happening? It's one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. And I've watched most of the Fast and Furious movies. How dare you? The whole family in the first two rows just stand up. Five guys, five girls. They just all stand up. I literally don't remember anything. I just know I was sucker punched.

He said five men. That dude got cleaned out, huh? Yeah, and he was trying to break it up. He sounds all right. Yeah, he has a good demeanor. He said, maybe it's a concussion. Yep. He said five men from Anderson's extended family charged from their seats, dog piled on him as horrified parents looked on.

Video from the scene showed several people pummeling the man lying helpless on the ground as others desperately tried to pull everyone apart. when Mays X attempted to intervene Anderson grabbed her by the hair and dragged her away while bystanders stood there filming the Pewside Prize fight on their phones. Of course, everyone gets out the phone. Yeah, instead of helping.

These poor people that are getting jumped, basically. Yeah, it keeps going. The women broke off to the side and began trading blows while clutching handfuls of each other's hair. Of course. At one point, May's X appeared to have her face slammed into a metal chair before Anderson shoved her away from the larger fight.

The woman was later hospitalized and required stitches. Anderson was arrested and charged with felonious assault. The kindergarten graduation ceremony itself was ultimately canceled and it's not yet clear whether it'll be rescheduled. Mays, who teaches kindergarten at a different school, said he's hoping for the best. Being at another school is kindergarten graduation, I know how hard those kids work, I know how hard those teachers work for us just to, you know what I mean, ruin it and be selfish like that.

It literally breaks my heart that I couldn't watch my mom. daughter graduate today. And that's the dude who got his head kicked in. Yeah. Yeah. He still sounds very reasonable and understanding. The school confirmed in a Facebook statement, no students were harmed during the incident. And there's some wrestlers from ECW in the late 90s that saw that and they're like, well, you guys got to tone it down a little bit here. That's too extreme. Pretty ridiculous. I like picturing a dude there going to work the next day and his buddy's saying, Jesus, balls, what did you get in a bar fight or something? No, no, it's a kindergarten graduation.

I mean, back of the day, we both mentioned how we'd go to some of those mixed martial arts events and be nervous because the crowd would be so worked up. And I saw plenty of fights in parking lots. That's all the crowd wanted to do after those MMA shows. Yeah, you're all pumped up afterwards and everyone wants to be a fighter. There were gibbons that wanted to prove that they belonged in the ring that evening, said they're going to start trouble in the parking lot, that whole gimmick. But this is a kindergarten graduation ceremony and a Catholic.

It sounds like this video really grabbed you. Yeah, I mean, the story's bad enough, but I mean, it's unreal that they all came that uncorked. We're nuts, dude. I guess so. That's just all the real. We're nuts. There's no fixing it.

It's over. Here's a random religious-related piece of trivia. The first vending machine ever was in Egypt in the first century and it dispensed holy water. The first vending machine in the United States was introduced in 1888 by the Thomas Adams Gum Company selling toty-frutty chewing gum on New York train platforms. Then in the early 1900s, beverage vending machines dispensing soft drinks were created with bottled drinks appearing in the 1930s. Holy water, huh?

Holy water is what they had at first. That's a fun fact. You know, a lot of folks didn't like that modern version of Bad Company there in the late 80s, but they had a couple of big hits, including Holy Water. Remember that when Bad Company got rid of Paul Rogers and they got that other dude to sing, songs for him, Josh. Yeah, I don't know if I know Holy Water. I'm walking on Holy Water. I've probably heard it. Or something like that. I got to look up that version

of bad company. A lot of folks didn't like it, Covey. Just because it was new? Yeah, because it wasn't Paul Rogers. Yeah, I can understand. How did I turn this into a conversation about 70s rock? That's what's fun about this show. You never know. You can always do that. You just don't know. Holy, I'm going to find that for you. Let's see here. Yeah, here it is. Let's do this one. They had some hits, though.

That's for sure. Dash camera footage released by the Bloomington... He's like, shut up. I'm trying to tell the story. No, no, no. I totally agree. Sorry, I was a little distracted. I'm trying to weed through these here to see what you have time to get to.

Holy water. Dash camera footage released by the Bloomington Police Department shows a southeastern Minnesota police officer being arrested on suspicion of drunk driving, while still wearing his badge and uniform, and carrying his department-issued gun. A combination, Bloomington Police Chief Booker Hodges called something. he hopes to, quote, never see again. According to Hodges, officers were dispatched early Thursday morning after reports of a speeding vehicle tearing down Lindell Avenue

before crashing in spectacular fashion. A witness told police the car was traveling about 70 miles an hour when it slammed into a curb and boulder, then briefly went airborne. Police later found the battered vehicle sitting in a parking lot with both driver-side tires shredded. The driver, a 61-year-old part-time officer, wasn't injured, claimed he'd merely stopped to use the bathroom, despite the trail of destruction and flattened tires,

suggesting the evening had more to do with brusky than potty. Dash camera footage shows the officer stumbling toward the hood of a squad car and needing help from the arresting officer just to stay upright. During field sobriety testing, he struggled to maintain his balance and nearly toppled over multiple times. Things became even more concerning when the officer appeared confused about where he actually was, at one point suggesting he made.

may have been in Rochester instead of Bloomington. What? A blood alcohol test later recorded a reading of 0.28, more than three times the legal limit to drive and roughly the opposite of fit for duty. I don't care who you are. You come to our city. You break the law. We're going to lock you up.

I am just glad no member of the public was hurt. I've never seen this before in my career, and God willing, I never will see it again, Chief Hodges said. Hodges said the man had been working an off-duty security job at the Minnesota State Fair, got off work about 11 p.m. Then around an hour later, instead of heading to his Farmington home with a bucket of cookies and maybe some mild indigestion, police say he was taken to jail. Yikes.

Yeah, it sure looked like he had a couple too many. Josh. That is foe show. There's no smoke without a fire. Oh, yeah, I've heard that song. If you needed somebody. I've heard that. And then there was Holy Water, isn't it?

Big hits. Definitely heard that one. That's beautiful. A Wisconsin. Wait, you should hear the real version. Yeah. I would love to. I'll get to this one tomorrow.

Get to some birthdays. Co-creator of South Park, Matt Stone, turns 55 today. He's a very funny man. Lenny Kravitz, 62. Oh, God. He's also a very funny man? You know, like Lenny Kravitz? The songs are kind of funny, yeah.

Have you seen him with the shirt off? I take that back. Have you seen him with a shirt on? I'm sorry. I just never. was a huge fan. What about his shirt? The guy doesn't wear shirts. I see why if I was built like that at 62. Is he cut?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Bobcat, Gothwaite, 64. Happy birthday to the coolest name. I've heard all day Nash turning 37 today. Oh, I like that name. I sure appreciate you and your wife listening to this garbage this morning. And that's 93x News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. Barbershow bottle. Barber show. And it's 3-1, Vegas.

Empty net goal. Hello, Randy Schaever. Hello. Well, how was your Memorial Day weekend? Did you get the grill going or go out on the lake or hang out on Tinder or anything like that? How was your... All of the above. You did all those things?

Marvelous, yes. Are you sunburned? I'm not. No. It was a weird weekend, wasn't it? I found myself up in Aiken, Minnesota on Friday and Saturday, and it was about 51 degrees raining and windy. and I bring my carcass back here to the cities. What did we get up to yesterday?

88 degrees. It's pretty warm. It was beautiful. Son of a, is Brad Ryder there? I am. Good morning. Sometimes we never know if Brad's going to be there. He just kind of hovers in the background.

I want to make sure that I'm welcome. Of course. He's a lurker. He just kind of shows up at your house sometimes, too. All hours. You are always welcome, Brad, Ryder. Well, sometimes we don't know that you're there. sometimes. Yeah, I'm here.

You just wait. Yes, we've established that. Sometimes, sometimes I think he just waits for us to say Timberwolves. Right. Timberwool. And then he spits out hateful comments. I think that's how we... No, that's not true. How are you, Brad? I'm good. Did you go up north? My cabin's west, technically, but yeah, we were out there

Saturday through yesterday for a while, yeah. Good for you. you. All right, by damn. We've got plenty to cover, some good, some bad. We started off with, of course, an empty net goal from that Vegas series. Who the hell would have thought that this would be a thing, but it is. Tonight, with a win, the Las Vegas Golden Knights can sweep the Colorado Avalanche and move on to the Stanley Cup. FMEA running sideways finals. That's amazing. 8 o'clock tonight in Nevada. I don't have it in front of me, but I think. I think I have this correct the last time an NHL club came back from down three games to none.

Was it 1975? Did something happen recently that I'm forgetting? But I want to say the answer always was in 75 the penguins overcame the islanders or something. Unless I'm missing something. I thought it's happened since then, but I haven't looked it up. Has it? Did I miss something? But my God, I mean, I didn't really even consider the Las Vegas.

What the hell do they call their club again? The Golden Chowers. The Golden Chowers. I didn't even really consider them going into the playoff. All the talk was about Colorado, Minnesota, whom I'm missing. Colorado, Minnesota, and Dallas. Yeah. But frigging John Tortorella.

Jesus crime. And he's going to get all the credit for this. But they got a veteran club. A lot of those guys have, or, that team that won it a few years ago. Exactly. Exactly. You can't, you can't disregard a club with experience. I guess that's, that's all I can really say, because unfortunately, I haven't been able to see Dick from this series, certain social plans and this and I haven't seen a minute of this series yet. Four teams have come back from three nothing in the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Most recently happened in 2014 when the Kings came back from three games down against the sharks in the first round. Holy balls. What year? 2014. Huh. Then have it again in 2010 and the 1975, the Islanders Penguins won, you referenced, and the

1944. It happened as well. Oh, yeah, I remember that. Your Randy was there. Randy was in high school then. That 75 series was stuck in my head. No way I could have told you about those two other clubs that you mentioned in 2014

and 2010, you said. No way I could. Philadelphia rally from three- against Boston in the conference sentence. Well, obviously, you had a feeling about it because you said you weren't quite sure. So there you friggin' go. Yeah, it's surprising. McCar, his injuries seemed to really affect the avalanche.

They say McKinnon is only on about 60% gas right now, too. The North Carolina hurricanes have themselves a two games to one series lead over the Montreal Canadians in the NHL's Eastern Conference Finals. The Keynes won her in overtime last night. I watched a good chunk of that one. Pretty good hockey game. That one feels like it's going to go seven. Yeah, pretty even matchup there, it seems to me.

Did you hear about this Hurricanes player? Now, if you think that maybe, okay, the Canadians, not as great as hockey, they're not as great at hockey as they used to be. That's the kind of antagonizing line I like to go along with ever since we beat him in the Olympics, right? The United States beat him in the Olympics. So I like to say that Canadians aren't that great at hockey anymore. If you think that the desire for hockey has died down in Canada, you'd be thinking wrong. There's a story going around about a hurricanes player.

William Carrier. He's a 10-year veteran. I can't say I have ever heard the name before. He's a forward for the hurricanes. He married a Quebec gal, French-Canadian gal. He says his own wife is rooting against his team in this friggin' series. She grew up a Canadian fan. and he says his wife is refusing to root for him and his club during this series.

His wife's name is Caroline and she wants him to lose. That's how passionate. She's even more passionate about the Montreal Canadians than she is her own damn husband. So that love. That's loyalty. That loyalty. I respect that. Yes.

Sure. It's still alive. It's still alive up there. French Canada. Did he used to play up there, and that's how they met? I don't know the whole story. I think he also grew up in that neighborhood. He also grew up a Canadians fan.

Oh, I got you. Okay. Maybe they met when they were kids. I don't have their whole background, but she says, yeah, F you and your hurricanes can go ahead and lose. Oh, my God. The New York Knickerbockers are going to play for a world title. Yes, they are. impressive. They have been so impressive. Unbelievable. They've been stopping everybody's guts out. Last night, they wrapped up a sweep of the Cleveland

Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference Finals. The Knicks won by 37 points, and that's what everyone's been talking about, is the point differential has been historic. Yes. There's three close-out games, and there are three series that they've won. All 30 points are more, and all on the road. Dang. I mean, that's incredible. And Jalen Brunson didn't play in the fourth quarter of any of those close-out. games. That's how far ahead they were. I mean, they embarrassed the cavaliers. Just absolutely embarrassed them.

Yeah, they did. So it's their first NBA final final, the Knicks, since 1999, where they lost to San Antonio. They are the fourth team to have an 11-game winning streak during their playoff run. I think you guys just mentioned this. All but one of their wins have been by double digits, Dave, the average margin of victory in a Knicks playoff game this year has been 23 points. Wow. That's just

stomping everybody's guts out. That's amazing. And they're just so and you're probably going to talk about this, sorry if I jump with the gun here, but they're starting five everyone of their starting five always scores in double figures. I mean, it happened last night, it happened in game three, it happened in game two. I mean, they're

so balanced. And all their guys are two-way players, too. And what I mean, and the offensive and defense. offensive players are all just really clicking at the same time. It's really impressive to watch. If you like team basketball, we've talked about this with other teams before, but if you like watching team basketball and sharing the ball

and not caring who scores and everybody getting back on defense and digging, I mean, this has been fun to watch. Pretty cool. Last night, Josh Arndt only scored six, but your point is made that their starting five has been consistently scoring in double figures. The thing about Josh Hart is he doesn't have to score points for them. He really, he does all the dirty work.

He had 11 rebound and six assists. He had a couple of steals. That's a regular night for Josh Hart. But then in game two, he went out and scored 126 because they left him open. And yeah. I thought it was pretty cool last night when they were presented the Eastern Conference trophy, what they called the Bob Coozy Trophy. It was presented to the Knicks by Walt Clyde Fraser,

who was an all-time great for the Knicks, and Patrick Ewing. Jalen Brunson was named the MVP of the series. He averaged over 25 points a game. Must be tough for a Nick fan to accept two awards that are both named after Boston Celtic players. What was the other trophy? Larry Bird Trophy for the MVP.

Oh, I forgot that they gave. It was two or three years ago they decided to hang names on all these trophies, and I forget who's who. Okay. The MVP is the Larry Bird trophy? Yeah. I think they'll take it. They don't give a rat's ass what it's called, Randy's.

I know. I know. Yeah. Now. Lakers might object, but yeah. The Lakers might have more of a problem with it. Yeah, maybe. Well, if it was for the Western Conference, but yeah.

So someone already texted in, Nottie insurance agent Jesus texted in and said, every team that signs James Hardon. loses. Yeah, he is a loser, and I enjoy watching him lose. But this, you're going to love this. After the game, James Hardin playing for the Cavaliers swept in that series. He had 12 points last night, but it was two for eight from the field. He said this, with a straight face, I think we're the better team. But we just didn't show it. that's James Harder. It's almost as embarrassing as their head coach, Kenny Atkinson, after game three,

I don't know if you saw this or not, but after game three, he tried to claim that they won two of the three games from an analytical standpoint. Right. Yeah, I'm like, really? Are you that delusional? I don't know why he even opened his mouth on that one. Yeah, that was dumb. You got a lot of crap over that.

Analytically speaking, he said, we were winning the series, analytically speaking. and he went on and on about all that deep arithmetic involved in sports these days. I didn't understand a word that came out of his mouth. He made a jackass out of himself with that comment. I don't have to stand in front of me, but there's something like seven of 18 playoff games for James Hardin this year. He had more turnovers than points. He sucks.

He sucks. It's a damn shame. But I do enjoy watching him fail. I remember a number of years ago, and James Harden has played for so many frigging clubs at this point, because, you know, he does a little bit of this and that, and then teams say, this ain't working and they move him somewhere. I think this may be when he was playing for Houston,

and they were struggling at the time, and a reporter asked him something about their team's system. How does this particular style of play work into your system? Or would your system be better fitted for this style of play? A reporter asking just generic questions to James Harden, and he says, I don't understand. And the reporter says, well, what do you mean you don't understand? I'm asking you simple questions.

And James Harden says, I am the system. Oh, God. The system is me. He said that as a grown man. Spurs Thunder Game 5 starts at 7.30 tonight in Oklahoma. Wimba Yami? Yeah, yeah, he'll be there. Jesus, balls, am I tired of hearing about him at this point?

But this has been a great series. It has been. It has been a lot of fun. I think it was a foregone conclusion a little bit before maybe the playoffs started that the winner of the West was probably the favorite to win the NBA championship. Well, not anymore. Not anymore. I don't think so.

What's that? What was the statement just made? I didn't follow it. I said, I think before the start of the playoffs, people looked at the Western Conference those two teams and figured that the NBA champion might come out of there, and I just said, no more. People aren't thinking that anymore. Oh, I'm still thinking that.

Got to be a favorite. Really? Oh, yeah. I don't think. I'll take that bad. I don't think there are a slammer. dunk favorite. We'll make a bet. That's fine. I think the Knicks are in for a tougher series, for sure, than what they've had. But I think they're rolling so well right now that it's going

to be hard to beat them, no matter who it is. Yeah, it will be. And I'd prefer to see the New York Knicks win over either of these clubs playing in the Western Conference final right now. But when the time comes, we'll make a bet. Josh is a big boobs guy. Everyone knows that. Josh loves big, shy and oversized boobs. He said that the first time we met. Yeah. Well, I'd like to get it out there. Just go in the parking lot. Check all the bumper stickers. He's got in the back of that truck. Just so you know what kind of guy I am.

Who you might be working with Randy. Actually, Brad Ryder on second thought, I don't want to make that bet with you because that would force me to cheer for Oklahoma City or San Antonio on the NBA medal. So I don't want to. Josh loves huge oversized cans. So have you been enjoying the Spurs' Thunder series, specifically the games

played in San Antonio, with those two girls who purposefully, how do you say, intentionally put themselves behind the bench. They're troopers. Their big fat cans can be seen on... It's getting a lot of attention, that's for sure. A lot of articles being written about these

gals, and people can't wait for the series to go back to Texas. Because these gals who are both how do I say it, Josh, internet people, influencers? Influencers. Influencers. content creators. They're gifted.

They're promoting their only fans account. They got these great seats right behind the Spurs bench. Every time they show the 17-year-old head coach of the Spurs, you can see their low-cut tops. Let's see, who are they? One of them goes by the name of Blueberry 3, only you don't spell it like you normally would spell blueberry. I'll let you do the work on that. The other one is Julie J. Swan.

They're TikTok only fans, naked ladies. There they are. Randy Schaeber, have you visited their websites since they made their debut? I have not, but I have seen a couple of screenshots. Yeah, I bet you have. Yes, sir. Yeah. Yeah, they got some good tickets for those ball games.

Well, I'm sure that they planned it that way. Well, yeah. Great promotion. They're getting what they want. That's what we're talking about here. Yeah, yeah. My brother, who normally. He doesn't make any mention of this kind of thing.

He's a very straight-laced, clean-cut guy, my brother, right, Josh? Well, yeah, I would say that in a way. We were watching the game the other night. They had those big four boobs right behind the bench, and I was just saying to myself, I wonder how long it's going to be before my brother, sure as hell. Jesus, look at the jugs behind the coach over there. He doesn't normally come home.

off like that. All right. So we got the basketball and the hockey. What a hell of a deal. On a serious note here, Thursday, last Thursday. We were done with our work week. We didn't broadcast last Friday. We had a little vacation.

So we missed out on talking about this horrible, horrible story about the passing of Kyle Bush. Amazing. Only 41 years old, the guy ups and dies after severe pneumonia led to sepsis, is what I understand. And he had been driving recently. You know, everyone knew he wasn't feeling well, but he had been driving in a couple different series. What a frigging tragedy this is. Yeah.

Got a young kid or two at home. Shocking. man you think there would be somebody in his circle that said look dude you're really sick we need to take a break because I think he I think he he died while working right he was yeah he was in a simul well you know he died

at the hospital right but he was in a simulator but he was working yeah but he got he got worse when he was in the simulator right it caused him to pass out you know I think he was from what I understand he was there's a word that I'm missing that they use a lot in these situations. He was responsive, that's the word, when being taken to the hospital, and he died there.

But yeah, he had a bad cold. So back on May 10th, he raced at Watkins Glen, he had a bad cold, raced in the truck series a week later or a handful of days later. He was preparing to race at the cold. Coca-Cola 600 in Charlotte. He was in that racing simulator. And he became unresponsive for a while, but like I said, he was in and out. I think he was talking on and off.

But sepsis got him. Just horrible. You know, he and Kurt Busch, they added a lot. I mean, other than being wildly talented drivers, they added so much to that sport. because they were kind of the heels. They really were. I mean, every NASCAR, I'm not trying to speak ill of the dead. Every NASCAR fan knows that Kyle and Kurt Bush kind of became the heels.

And didn't they kind of embraced that role? They did. And the fans embraced it too. It was a very, very fun kind of a give and take, like a heel in professional wrestling, where they added to the experience because of their skills and their personalities. Way too young to go. So, you know, he won 234 races across the top three series in his 20 years as a driver.

That's more than any driver in history. These guys were, Kurt and Kyle were good. And I found it really interesting, too, that, oh, God, help us. I had it and I lost it. The team that he raced for, Richard, well. Can anybody help me? It's in here somewhere. Let me see if I can find it again.

Richard Childress. There you go. They have set aside Kyle's car number eight, and they say no one's going to drive that car number. I thought this was just a beautiful thing. They've set aside his car number and say no one's going to use it until Kyle's son, a kid by the name of Brexton, until when Brexton's ready to join NASCAR, he'll get the number.

That's great. The kid is 11. He started driving when he was five and has already won more than 100 different driving competition. So it's almost a given that this kid will be a professional driver, and they're saving that number for him. I thought that was really cool. It's got to be just effing heartbreaking for his family and friends. Oh, it's awesome.

To lose him at 41 damn years old. One of my oldest buddies lives up in Brainerd now, drinks and smokes all day. He doesn't do dick, this buddy of mine. But he's the biggest NASCAR fan I've ever known. And he loved to hate the Bush combo, Kyle and Kurt. And it was so much fun. Like I said, they added so much fun to the sport. What a sad deal.

The twins did wonderful things over the weekend. I'll be damned. They swept the Boston Red Sox in Boston for the first time in 32 years. That's crazy. That was just outstanding. Yesterday they cooled off a little bit. They lost the opener of a four-game road series with the White Sox. What was she?

Three to one, four-to-one, two-to-one? Three-to-one. Three-to-one. Big Japanese dude hit a dong for the socks. He's good. They had solid starting pitching. The White Sox kid named Anthony Kay. And Zebby was good too, though.

Yeah. This was the first meeting of the two clubs this season, which seems ridiculous, but it is. Brooks Lee got the rod out, and the twins had won six or seven going into yesterday's game. So things are looking pretty good. Hopefully they can get something started tonight. Joe Ryan's going to pitch. But now the White Sox have won seven in a row against the twins. Again, this is their first meeting so far this year.

so if you go back to last year, they won seven in a row. That's the first time the White Sox have beat the twins seven times in a row since 19 and 95. There was a stretch of time where the White Sox knew they had no chance against the twins. Those were beautiful days. So tonight they'll go again. This White Sox team is they're a game over 500. But I mean, when you consider where they've been over the last two years, three years, to be heading into June and at 500 is pretty impressive.

So they've got some young players. That Montgomery at shortstop is solid player. Midrith at second base. Those guys have been in that organization for a while and just waiting their turn. And they're playing very well. And their pitching actually has been impressive. I don't know if the twins will see Davis Martin in this series,

but he's like having an all-star year for them. So it's pretty impressive. Yeah, F them. Sorry, I'm a White Sox hater. I can't get too excited about it. I just, you know, it's just nice to see like a, when you consider how bad they've been in Colorado the same way. Yeah.

It's just nice to see those teams, you know, turn around. I got no problem with that. Figure some things out. Yeah. I like that they're competitive again. Yeah, I'm fine with that. No hitter last night. Three Houston Astros pitchers combined for a Memorial Day no hitter.

They beat the Texas Rangers 9-0. There were nine walks delivered by Houston pitching, but they got the combo. Tatsuya Amai started it off. Stephen O'Kert. And then here's the most interesting part. A youngster by the name of Elimber Santa. Josh, Santa.

He made his major league debut and was part of this combined no-hitter. How about that? Wow. No pressure on him at all coming in. Your first big league game. Two perfect innings by him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was terrific. Major league debut. That was historic. No pitcher. Wait a minute, where is it? Santa became the first pitcher since 19-Fing hundred. to participate in a no-hitter during his big league debut since 1900. So it's the 18th no-hitter in Houston Astros' franchise history.

The first since 20 and 24 when the Cubs tossed a combination, no-hitter. Five Astros, all-time no-hitters have been combined efforts. Five of them. The Houston Astros have been the, the club to throw a no-hitter in three of the past seven and five of the past 11 major league no-hitters, including one in the World Series in 20 and 22. The Astros are the team to look for, I guess, if you're looking for a no-hitter. Impressive last night.

So, right, so this Santa kid makes his major league debut is part of a combination no-hitter. He ended the game with his first career strikeout. Oh, gosh. So there you go. So yeah, Houston's the team to look for. If you're looking for a no-hitter, like I mentioned, they've thrown three of the last seven, what did I say, six of the last 11, something like that?

And right now there's seven games under 500, and fourth place in the West. Well, ain't that a shame. And actually the record is worse than Texas. That's a division where there's only one team that's 500 or better, and that's the athletics. else is bad, at least right now. And if you're looking for a team to get no hit, the Texas Rangers are that team.

They have been no hit three times since they opened up their new ballpark six years ago. And that's all happened in their ballpark. I can't say for sure if they all happened. That was the stat I read. This is the third time the Rangers have been no hit since they moved into their new silly indoor ballpark six years ago, five years ago. There's a pattern forming here. All right, speaking of pitchers, this is Randy's new, this is Randy's new love interest, isn't it? Well, Scoobel's gone.

You're no longer in love with Tariq Scoobel. No, and the Tigers are 12 games under 500. So, you know, Paul Skeen's, I love, I think he's phenomenal. Right. But he's already taken. He's already taken by that little blonde gymnastics gal. Yeah, and she deserves it. You are a very job.

I don't think you have much of a shot against her. I'm sorry. For sure, Brad. You're right. You are a very gentle lover. It can be. But also kind of a fair weather lover. Well, that's true. Okay, the Tigers drop below 500.

Scoobel gets hurt. You no longer want him anymore. And they're going to trade him. So, so long. Your new love interest is Milwaukee Brewers starting pitchers. Misaroski. Jacob Mizoroski. Yes.

So yesterday on Memorial Day, the Brewers beat the Cardinals. Mizoroski went seven innings. He only gave up two hits, one run, struck out 12 batters. He's been terrific. But here's where there are some records now being set by this Mizorowski. These are all new records because they didn't track pitch speed with such detail until, I don't know how long ago they started tracking pitch speed. This Mizoroski kid, this is what everyone's touching themselves over, including Randy Schaever.

He threw 57 pitches in yesterday's game. that were 100 plus miles per hour. In the game. Yes, what did I say? Yeah, you're right. I mean, that's, if you think about it, I mean, you may say that over the course of a season. Right.

That was in one game. One start. One start, 57 pitches that were 100 miles per hour or faster. I love his quote. That's what I do. I throw hard. There you go. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what he does. Right now he's 5 and 2. He's got a 1.83 ERA, and he leads to big leagues and strikeouts. There are some really good young pitchers out there right now in Major League Baseball. It's kind of fun to watch. This is Miserosky and Paul Skeens. There's some Davis Martin, I just mentioned from the White Sox.

There's some really good pitchers. Has this guy had that major surgery yet? The Tommy John. Oh, any of them. Has he had a major surgery yet? I don't know his history. I don't know. How long can a guy throw like that?

That's a very good question. Most of those guys end up having an issue at some point. Yes. Something's going to fall off, but while he's at it, he's doing wonderfully for the Milwaukee Brewers. Reminds me of Leriano when he came on to the scene in 2006 and was just blowing doors off. Then come August, his elbow had fallen off. But he had that devastating slider, though, too. That's what made Liriano so great.

Yeah, here's Jesus Housins. How do you say that, Josh? Jesushausen has texted into the program and he wanted to tell me that Mizoroski has sick Velo, bro. You love that term. Velo. All right, how about some more individual accomplishments

on the baseball field over the weekend? Colton Couser. He's a center fielder for the Baltimore Orioles. Yesterday, dude hit a walk-off dawn for the second consecutive day. Orioles beat the Tampa Bay Devil Ray on a Kouser walkoff. Sunday, he slapped a three-run rod

that gave the Orioles a victory over Detroitlet. Back-to-back walk-off home runs. What does this say? Oh, you're going to like this. This is one of my favorite players growing up. He became the Orioles first player to hit walk-off homers on consecutive days. since, why don't you guys try and guess?

It was 19 and 85. One of my all-time favorite players, I'll give you a hint. He also spent some time with the Boston Red Sox and I think California Angels. This was the last Oriole to hit walk-off home runs in back-to-back days. I want to say he spent some time. I know he spent some time with the California Angels.

I want to say also the Boston Red Sox. I had a guess, but now it's not right. He has two first names, male and female. Well, the last name also, I guess, could be considered female. Pardon me. Could be considered male. Fred Lynn. Fred Lynn.

Oh, sure. One of my favorite players growing up, Fred Lynn. All right, how about this? The big lead wrote this article for you, boys. It's hard for me to imagine Fred Lynn playing for the Orioles. Right. The Red Sox is the only team I can think of him playing for. And the Angels.

I remember I'm playing for the Angels, too. Fred Lynn. All right, the Big Lead wrote this one, the Big Lead. And it discusses big league ball players who had short careers, but their careers left a huge impact on the club that they played for. Kind of an obscure title. Take a minute to let that soak in. So they had short careers, but the careers left a huge impact on the club that they played for.

Does anyone come to mind? Oh, one comes to mind immediately for me. Hit me with it, Bradrider. Mark the Bird, Fiddrich. Yes. The Bird did not enter into the conversation, at least, from the folks at the big lead. But now that you mention it out loud, absolutely. Absolutely.

That's a great example. Well, it was also on Major League Baseball, too. Yes. The Bird, Mark Fidrich. Great pitcher, and he was also kind of a unique character. Right. I would say Bo Jackson maybe fits that category. Yeah.

He is part of this article. I mean, because he didn't play all that long in major league baseball. Five years with the Royals. Yep. In those five years, he hit 109 home runs. He made the All-Star game, All-Star team. He made just incredible plays. I mean, throwing folks out from the warning track, home runs that cleared everything in sight.

Bo Jackson was incredible. Great answer. Unfortunately in January and 91, he got hurt playing football and that was it. His baseball career was over at 28. So the reason Bo Jackson has mentioned in this article is exactly that. I mean, Royals fans still talk about him to this day and he hasn't played an inning for them in 30 years,

whatever, you know, I don't know, 35 years. I would say, thinking along these themes, probably Sandy Kofax just because he didn't pitch all that long. Sandy Kofx was the number one example. I don't know if they were exactly ranking them. Didn't he pitch only like eight years or something? What was it here? I mean, the thing about Sandy Kofx is that he wasn't terribly effective the first five, six years of his baseball career. Nobody was sure if he would figure it out.

In his first six seasons, he was 36 and 40 as a starter. That's amazing. Then in 1961, everything started clicking. Over the next five years, he was the most dominant pitcher anyone had ever seen. He won a couple of World Series through four no-hitters, through a perfect game, won all the Cy Young Awards. And his arm fell off. 30 years old, doctors told him if he kept throwing a baseball, he would permanently damage his arm. So we walked away.

The Dodgers have never had another pitcher like him. They've had aces, of course. What's his name? What's his name that just retired? Oral Hirschizer. Who's he got just retired? Kershaw. Fernando Valenzuela.

They've had lots of great. None of them have ever touched Kof. Don Drysdale. Right. Don Drysdale. All right. I'll tell you who else is mentioned in the article. Well, if you're going to do this, then a pocket would need to be on there because he didn't play.

He didn't play that long. Turkey bucket. It left the game because of the eye injury. Here's what they say about Turkey Bucket. He did not choose to retire. He woke up one morning during spring training in 19 and 96 and could not see out of his right eye. Glocoma.

He was only 35. In the time he had, he hit 318. He won 10 goal gloves. He made the All-Star team six times. Minnesota Twins won the World Series twice. Yeah. In 91 in game six, he won the frigging game all on his own. Yes, he did.

His number 34 is retired. Tomorrow night. There's a statue of him outside target field that says here. Minnesota has not stopped missing him since. Well, we had a pretty good center fielder. We've had a couple pretty good center fielder since then. Tori Hunter and Byron Bxton. But not like puck.

But probably not like puck. The others that were mentioned in this conversation about big league ball players who had short careers, but their impact is still felt to this day, Thurman Munson. Yes, the Yankees catcher. Mm-hmm. I would say Clemente has to be in that category somewhere. And he is.

Is he really? Yeah. Both of them died in plane crashes. Yeah. Thurman Munson was, you know, to by all accounts, the perfect teammate captain of the New York Yankees. One back-to-back series in 77 and 78 and 32 years old when he was flying a private plane. He was learning to fly. That's the old song by Pink Floyd, learning to fly.

crashed his plane, died. They retired his number. And then, yes, Roberto Clemente. I mean, he did play 18 years. Right, yeah. He wasn't a kid when he died. Well, he was 38 years old. Yeah.

But still, yes. Also died in a plane crash. Pittsburgh Pirates, you know, they honor him every year. somewhat interesting he ended his career at exactly 3,000 hits yes he did yes he did yeah 3,000 on the nuts Lou Gary would have to be in that category yes he's in there he's in there yeah because he I mean again played a long time but I'm sure you guys remember this name too this name just

came to mind J.R. Richard yes I recognize the name for the astros he he died of a stroke I want to say in his early 30s while he was still at the top of his career. Oh, God. There you go. I have bad news for you. Apparently the enhanced games were a major turd. Oh, really?

That's a shock. We talked about this. I think last week, maybe the week before, that they were going ahead with the very first enhanced games where you're allowed to use whatever drugs you want before you cut loose with your foot race or your weightlifting or your swimming. or your whatever. They kind of went nowhere's.

At least if you consider the fact that only one world record was broken, the selling point from the folks who created the enhanced games is tune into this because our steroid monster athletes are going to rip world records apart and tear them to shreds. It didn't happen. I was also thinking about that, too. Would it really be all that interesting to see somebody swim three seconds faster in the 200 meter than Michael Phelps did? It doesn't really do much for me.

Yeah. Oh, wow, that shot put went two feet further. That's incredible. I mean, but maybe the weightlifting, you know, you have to think of a sport where there's instant gratification. Yeah, that's a good point. With swimming, you watch them go back and forth and you look at the numbers and go, okay, what does that mean? Yeah. Right?

What did you say, shot put? Yeah. Hey, you threw it 100 feet. Well, I don't know if that's good or bad. If a guy puts a bus on his back and just, you know what I mean? That would be, but apparently it didn't happen. They had folks there on steroids. Name a drug copy.

They were on it. Marijuana. They were on marijuana. Josh's favorite, Quayludes. Oh, yeah, there was a dude on Quailout. That seems like it could be a bad one to take. I saw the Wolf of Wall Street. Ambien.

There was one dude on Ambien. He didn't make it. But yeah, the Quailudes guy, his catchphrase was relaxed, bro. Don't be a flatliner. Try a Kualoo. That was his... Beautiful. One swimmer beat the record in the 50-meter meter freestyle. One swimmer. Okay. Oh, and that guy got a million dollars. That was... Oh, yeah. The other part of the deal was the folks who threw the enhanced games.

They said, if anyone does break a world record, we'll hand you a million dollars. Well, this, I think it's a Russian swimmer. He set the record for the 50-meter meter. It did look more bulky than a lot of swimmers. You could probably pick them out for a bunch of a swimming crowd. Yeah. I bet the organizers took an absolute bath on this money-wise. You'd think so.

You'd think you'd need like a major television network to show your program to really make any real money. I don't know. But I bet they lost their ass. What was really weird about it was there were athletes who weren't on drugs who showed up to compete. Losers!

I don't know why. And why did they let them... To prove a point? Yeah, I'm wonder if that's the case. Maybe to prove a point, but why didn't... Maybe they lied on their little resume. Oh, yeah, I'm gassed on everything, right? Yeah.

Because we found out that there were straight athletes who showed up to compete against the Royed Up athletes. So what's the point of this whole friggin' thing? nobody knows what's that word when you maybe they were the placebos yeah or it could have been kind of fun if they would have done a clean versus roided out you know team versus team type of thing sure oh yeah because they can really play that up you know they're the loiter guys they're playing the heel yeah the baby faces all got their american flags and they were doing it the right way that that's that's

that's i think the only step they can take now going forward yeah is to go ahead with the enhanced games next year, but have team gas versus team. You know, whatever. What's the opposite? Team. Team clean? Clean. Clean.

Clean. Yeah, team clean versus team gas. Oh, this is really interesting. Someone texted in back to our conversation about big league baseball players who didn't play for a long time. Didn't have long careers, but left a huge impact. This is a good one. Josh Hamilton.

Oh. Yeah. That dude showed up. out of nowhere. Yeah. And was just a hitting effing machine. And it just ended. That dude, that was one trouble.

I wonder how he's doing. I think it ended basically because he made it end by the decisions he made. Sure. However you want to, yeah, sure. He was on dope. Yeah. Remember that home run derby in 2008 when Hamilton hit like 30 combined home runs? But they lost to more no in the final.

Because he was exhausted. Nothing left. Yeah. But that dude... I think they changed the home run derby rules after that one. I think they did. Changed him so many friggin, I don't even understand it anymore. But yeah, Josh Hamilton, I hope he's doing well because the last time I read about him, it wasn't good.

Dude was hooked on heroin and just, it was just awful. I remember when the Rangers won a couple of pennants there, back-to-back, if I'm not mistaken. They went to the series and lost to the Rangers. They went to the series and lost to the Giants. They went to the series and lost to the Cardinals. I think I have that correct during the Josh Hamilton era. And if I remember right, he couldn't even be in the locker room when they had their pennant winning celebrations

because he didn't even want champagne to get sprayed on him and have it soaked through his skin. That's how adverse he was. He was so hooked on drinking and drugs that he couldn't even get booze on his body. But that's a great example. That dude wasn't around for long, but my God, he was the biggest star in the league for a while. All right, Dana. When does this dopey soccer tournament kickoff?

A couple weeks, mid-June. Well, a couple weeks yet? Yep. Did you hear what they're doing over there at Domino's Pizzeria? What are they got going? They're going to give away a million dollars worth of pies. If the United States Club earns itself a red card while playing in that silly world. Cup tournament.

Usually it's like if somebody steals a base or if somebody hits a home run, you get free Taco Bell. This is kind of funny because a red card's a bad thing. Someone's going to have to do something pretty negative. Domino's is calling this gimmick emergency pizzas. If you want to be eligible to receive an emergency pizza pie, you got to sign up on their website or something. I don't know.

The goal is to help ease the pain of that red card for United States soccer fans, blah, blah. Okay, that is kind of funny hook then. Yeah, I like that. I'm going to show my soccer knowledge here. Doesn't that put you down a player the entire game? I think so. And there's suspended the next match. Oh, you can't come back and play the next game?

Mm-mm. They say no. They're telling a player for the whole game. Oh, my God. The whole game. Yeah. It's a power play for the whole game. I feel so awful.

I would just go home. Screw this. Oh, my God. I'm not doing extra work because you couldn't handle your temper. Yeah. Oh. If the U.S. club gets a red card and you're all eligible and you signed your life away online. You can get

that free pizza pie. And I read this up and down from a few different websites who reported on this story. What's ironic about this is that a red card means someone's finally done something worth watching during a game of soccer. It means someone just got thrown smooth. out the game. I mean, it's something to look for, I guess. You would have loved the 2006 World Cup final when one of the best players of all times, Zinidine Zadine, just absolutely crushed

a dude in the chest right before the penalty shootout got a red card. I saw that. You're talking with that headbutt? Yeah. I remember watching that. Years later, it came out that the player from Italy called his sister a very naughty word, like the really bad one. Oh. I know that word.

So that's why he headbutted the dude in the chest and of course it's a soccer player so the dude knew how to make it look like he just got hit by a tank right yeah he just got shot through the chest that was a red card that was straight red so long zane danane didn't you get one dana because of your temper oh yeah i definitely got one a couple but the one that's really memorable was in council bluffs iowa for a tournament we were playing a team we should have been kicking their ass i was basically just begging for a red card the ref even came up to me and said son you need to calm down i don't want to have to do this then of course I shove a kid over, I get a red card.

So I'm out the next match. The next morning we're walking to the field and we walk by the ref tent and my coach says, hey, look, the ref's in there, going to apologize. Oh, no. Be a man. I go, okay, I got to take my medicine. So I go in and I apologize and goes, hey, that was very classy of you. And he takes me over to the score and saying, hey, I want to change that to a yellow card. He's eligible to play today.

So I go running up to my coach, coach, he changed it to yellow. I can play. Am I starting? He goes, no, you're not playing? I go, but I can play. He goes, yeah, you can, but you're not going to. How would you learn a lesson if I just let you play? You act like an a-ho last night. Take your medicine.

Good coaching. Yeah. Oh, that's not good coaching. Can I just point out the obvious? If you were a better player, he would have had you out on that pitch. Yeah. That's terrible coaching. So true.

Yeah, he got away with one by not having to put me in. Yeah, if you were the ace on the team, you'd be out there. That's why it's good coaching because he used that as an experience. to not play. He actually was teaching me a life lesson. That's right. A lot of those coaches were just, they were just dicks. A lot of those coaches.

Oh, I had another great red card. It was a stadium in Apple Valley, not stadium, but it had big fence around it. The ball went out for a corner kick, which I thought was going to be a corner kick. They called a goal kick. So I just punted the ball over the fence into the parking lot. Make the other team chase it? Well, no, the ref immediately leaves your red card. And I start walking the bench.

She goes, where are you going? Go get the damn ball. I'm going through like looking between minivans to see where this ball landed. Did you take your time? Yeah. Oh, you got to take your time. He was the type of player you would respect Nick if you were out there watching soccer games for whatever reason. Like I said, a red card, finally something entertaining is happening.

I would have loved to watch that style of play. Yeah. Absolutely. I love cheap shots and getting thrown out of games just as much as Dana did. Come on, it's youth sports. Let's have some fun. All right. Let's get thrown out.

Let's disrespect some reference. Let's disrespect our coaches. Let's embarrass our parents. Let's go flirt with the cute girls team after the game. That's what U-Sports is all about. Here's an interesting question to close out our conversation. Hey, did anyone watch Johnny Mansell's MMA fight on Saturday? No.

No. Read about it. That's about as far as I got. No. That was intentionally deleted from this segment. I do not care what happened to Johnny Manzell and his MMA debut. Red Bull Jesus. Normally you got much more intelligent things to say on the attack.

machine. I expect something better next time. Thanks, Randy and Brad. You bet. Yep. We'll talk to you, boys. We'll return here in a few minutes. 93. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't

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Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bealkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. We threw like a spontaneous party out of nowhere is crazy. This is full send.

Drake weekend in Toronto, that's like, imagine telling me that like 10 years ago. Oh yeah. You're going to rip with Drake for his album launch release party. in Toronto. Like, I'm not passing that up for anything. Join the party. She went to the mechala. He went to the game.

What is the mechalla? Ridiculous. I think it's an excuse to dress up like an idiot and go to a ball. The Full Send podcast. Oh, we're ready. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93X. The home of the half-assed morning show.

Sorry, I'm a little behind here. I'm just responding to a text message about the rock band Giant. That is odd. I watched some giant YouTube videos over the weekend. This listener wanted to know if we could play some giant, and I had to admit to them that I never got involved, not even a little bit. Yeah, just YouTube said you should watch this.

All right. I was like, all right. What was their big hit? What was Giants big hit? It takes two to make a thing all right. Nope, different one. It takes two to make it out of sight. I remember that one.

I'm a believer. Something about believing. You once thought of me as... Oh, no, that's a daydream believer. I'm a believer, the monkeys. 1966. Not different. Okay.

We'll have to get back to this. A listener texted in about Giant. Never got dialed in. But we can deal with that a little bit later. I'm not disregarding Giant altogether. I'm going to consider it here later. We've got other things we've got to handle. It's our first day back.

I'll see you in my dreams. I'll see you in the... Yeah, that one. Okay, that was Giant. right. I didn't like it. Our first day back after taking a little time off, we missed you something terrible. Welcome back to the half-ass morning show. Very true. Josh knows this. The internet is evil. It's godless. It's soulless. It's wildly misinformed. And also at this point, it's about 90% surveys. Every damn day, the results of a new survey lands in our laps here at the radio station. Some are much better than others.

it up because before we leave this morning, I'm going to let you in on what I believe is one of the worst online surveys that I've ever heard of. It is so dumb, I don't know how it made it all the way to our radio studio. I would have thought it would have been disregarded immediately. But I'm going to make you wait on that. I'm going to make you wait on that. I think it's the worst survey that I've ever seen. First, before we get to that, here's something that, of course, could be a massive scam. But if it's legit, We may be on the front lines of the greatest invention in history. So you tell me what you make of this.

Some folks in China have been working on a new gimmick. They've been working on a wearable device that you hang around the neck of your house pets. And this device will translate your pet's emotions into human. speech. Yeah, right. If this was legit, one of my dogs, I often wonder what he's thinking. Yeah. He's got to look on his face as if he's wanting to say something, but he can't.

He's just so goofy, and I want to know what's behind it. A lot of times there's nothing behind it, Cubby. Yeah, I'm afraid of that. A lot of the time, they're just a big, dumb animal, and they're thinking, I want to eat some poop. Yeah, they think food, food, pets, pets, pets. But maybe if you, if this device is legit, you can find out the answer. What is that peckerhead thinking?

What does he want to say to me right now? If it was legit, I would be interested. All right. They're working on this in China. Although things, feelings might be hurt. Maybe feelings are hurt. Maybe you don't want your dog or cat to be able to say something to you. They might not.

You know, Mom's so much better than you are. We get way more excited to see Mom. You suck. You might not want to hear what they have to say. So they say this is 95% accurate. You hang this gadget around your pet's neck. No, it's not. Hanging around your pet's neck, it uses artificial intelligence to read your pet's vocal patterns,

your pet's body language to figure out what your pet is trying to say. Right now online, they want $118 in trade. I thought a lot more than that. apparently more than 10,000 people have already pre-ordered one. The company who's developing this collar that will allow your dog or cat to speak to you, what do they say? They haven't released any scientific studies proving that the device actually works. You have to take their word for it.

They say 95% accuracy. You will be able to... Well, cool. I'm sorry? I said that would be really cool if I, like, believed it at all. If it was legitimate, would this be the greatest invention in the history of mankind? In my opinion. Yeah.

It would be amazing. And you wonder what that frigging dog or cat would have to say to you. Like Josh said, maybe it wouldn't be all good. Yeah, I don't think I'd necessarily want to know, like, what one of my dogs is thinking. He's always looking at us like, we're stupid. I'm going to kill you. Just like that side eye constantly. Judgey.

First words. wouldn't this be something first words that your dog says to you I saw you whack off I was just going to ask you guys if you're ever intimate or nude in front of your pets and would that change the way you behaved if they could speak to you oh definitely yeah I would feel like they uh yeah that would make things complicated awkward I remember when you brought this up before Josh and the three of us

me Ashley and Dana we're very comfortable getting intimate in front of our pets you, of course, are not. No. You're not. Well, we're fine with it, but he realizes what's about to happen and he runs out of the room. He'll go downstairs. Yeah, one of those dogs, too. How do they know?

I have no idea. If they haven't seen it. The dog instincts? Oh, they've seen it. He's seen it, and I think he knows he doesn't like it. Oh, got it. Instincts, Cubby, instincts. All right, so there you go.

I'm not going to send him $118, not just yet. I want a little more background on this. Yeah, I want to see some vids. What kind of scientific evidence could they provide that would still convince you at work? Right. They show me a video of a dog with this collar around its neck, and the dog goes, and then it translates to, I would like to go outside and take a dump. Right.

That video is probably not going to seal it for me. I'm going to need to have this in my hand and try it. The dog is going to have to say something very personal to me that only he and I, she and I know. Yeah. Right. That's the seal. and then I hand them their $118. I just thought of something, Nick, if you dig at one of these,

it would just be the cutest little collar ever for your little dog? Oh, everything that hangs off of her is cute. She can't help it. She's a cutest creature that has ever. Yeah, my dog would have to say something to me like, you know that bad company record you and Josh were talking about on the year this morning? I kind of like that one. It would have to be that intimate and that inside for me to give away that $118.

That's true. It would have to be some information that's not just completely obvious, by anybody who's ever owned a dog. Right. What if you're, I know how much you hate accent, the British accent? What if your dog had a British accent? That would trouble me. That would trouble me.

Would you still love her? I would have to. I'm on the hook. Oh, man. People are texting in what they believe their pet might say to them. Not the vet. No, not the vet. I want to go to the park.

The park. Things like that. All right, here's that survey I was telling you about. I think this is the dumbest one I've ever seen. Someone on social media asked people, would you wear a blindfold for 24 hours in exchange for $10 million? Yeah, this is stupid. I thought, well, there's got to be more to this.

How did this? Yeah, what? Do I have to be somewhere dangerous? How did this go as far as to be printed out by a comedy service and sent to a radio? Maybe because it is so dumb? That could be. Who would say no to that? 3% of people said, no way.

No way, I'm going to wear a blindfold for 24 hours in exchange for $10 million. Why not? I don't know. Maybe those are people who have like a severe claustrophobia? I suppose. Yeah, maybe. Something along those lines. But it's $10 million.

Yeah, you can tough it out for a day. I don't like heights at all. But you could teeter me on the top of a frigging building for 24 hours if there's $10 million on the ground level waiting for me. I'm not trying to. to diminish anyone's fears or phobias or anything. I'm just saying. Yeah, it's $10 million. I don't like frigate heights, but you could put me at the top of what's the tallest building we got around here in town. I don't know. One of those some bitches down the road here in many, Josh, you could hang on to my belt, the back of my belt and teetle me, teeter me off the side

of the IDS building. You could for 24 hours if $10 million is waiting on the ground floor for me. If there was 50% a 50% chance I'd make it, you could throw me off. that thing for $10 million. But this is how they this is what they came up with now. Who would say no to them? I don't understand it. Like you said, Ashley, it's a good point about somebody's claustrophobic. Yeah. But $10 million?

What's the worst that can happen? Again, unless you have some debilitating fear, what's the worst? I could, I'd trip and fall. I can't see the television. I can't see who's in the room with me. I trip and fall again. I'd be pretty bored, but, I mean, other than that, who cares? I guess unless you're somewhere unsafe, unless you have to be dropped off somewhere that's not going to be good. What's that? I said unless you have to be, like, dropped off somewhere that's not going to be good.

They're not going to take you to a crack house or anything. I like to listen to music. I've told you that. I'd be fine. I'll sit and listen to the radio. I think the hardest part was they said you can't fall asleep. That would be difficult, but I still would try, obviously. Thank you, Cubby.

I didn't get to all the rules. But still, it's not going to change your mind, I don't think. So, 24 hours you put a blindfold on. The money will be wired to your bank account. The minute it's over, no taxes, no questions asked. So here are the rules. You can't take the blindfold off. Okay, obviously.

You can't take it off to eat or go to the bathroom. Fine, I piss on the floor. Who cares? You got to stay home. Oh, no, home. I can do that quite easily. Especially if you're blindfolded. You blindfold me and take me to a crack house.

Totally different store. But you can stay at home. And here's like Josh mentioned, you can't fall asleep. If you do, the challenge is over. You get nothing. I'd have trouble with that. Yeah, I'd probably fall asleep. Obviously, I'd do my best.

But there's times all of a sudden I wake up and go, how did I fall asleep? You would not fall asleep if you know $10 million is waiting for you. No way. I'd do my best to stay out. That'd be the toughest part for me. Again, that wouldn't be a decision to fall asleep. That would be an absolute breeze. It would be my body telling me to.

What a breeze. I wonder if that'd just be kind of like 24 hours, maybe a nice reset. You're not looking at a phone. You're not looking at screens. I mean, that'd be, there might be something kind of therapeutic about that. Yeah, you're probably right. Jesus. listen to some of this crap.

You know, one of the warnings involved of trying this, quote, challenge. Oh, no, I have a blindfold over my eyes at home for 24 hours. One of the warnings is, well, you might start to hear things. I don't care. You know, if you live with people normally and you have animals and they're gone,

like my family was for the weekend, including dogs, I was surprised. My house makes a lot of noises that I thought were my family or my pets before. Oh, no. Yeah. Did you make a few trips up and down the stairs to see if they were derelicks on the property? No, no.

I'm too lazy for that. You might hear things both real and imagined. So what? I'll get over it. Kind of fun. I'm going to go by myself a Maserati and disappear when this is all over with. What do I care what kind of evil things my mind created? And they said it's tax-free, too.

Oh, even better. Oh, snap. You get to keep all of it. Yeah, this is so odd. It is. It's just stupid. I mean, unless you have like some trauma, You've been blind folded before in a prison somewhere?

I can't imagine saying no to this. I would just suck you guys out of 23 and you nod off. It's not going to happen. I don't care how apt you are to fall asleep in front of the television or fall asleep in a movie theater or fall asleep in the middle of a car. You are not going to fall asleep. It's not going to happen. It just be so boring.

I cannot get over how bored I would be. Well, just listen to. something. Get on a treadmill. My God. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, just walk. Listen to yourself. Oh, I'd be so bored. Yeah, I'd just be so bored. In 24 hours, the boredom is over. Yeah, I can handle it, but it just, that would just suck.

Take it to a love. Someone here said, I'll do it for 200 bucks. Yeah, I'd do it for like, if somebody gave me like 500 bucks or a thousand, a thousand would be sweet. All right, this is, this just made it fun. Don, dear Jesus, texted in. If you sleep, you die. Now we're talking about a fun challenge. Yeah, I could do that then. You're $10 million on the other end of that 24 hours, but if you fall asleep, you die.

What about this twist? You don't know what time it is, and you have to, once you believe 24 hours have passed, you take the blindfold off, and if you're off or you're short, you get nothing. You have to guess the time? Right, so you don't know what time it is. So you have... I just go like 48 hours, so I'm sorry. safe.

Yeah. I just start counting. Someone texted in and said, isn't this what every blind person does every day of their life? Well, that's what I was going to mention to you, Ashley, like there's plenty of blind people that go on and live happy lives. That's true. You know, they're not too worried about boredom. Poo-Poo's and Pee-Pee's Jesus said I would go through with this and I would murder my mother for $10 million.

Nobody told you you got to do that. He's just his own ideas. Mind your business. Watch your own, Bobber. This guy wants to kill his mother for $10 million. He just wants to do that. Do that for free. It's dumb.

No, this is just the dumbest. Yeah. If you really can't make it through that, then I, there's no helping you. I think the, I mean, not thinking about it, maybe the only people that say no to this is someone where $10 million come so easy to them. Yeah, it's probably a good point. F it.

The half-ass morning show. 93X. We're pretty close now a few minutes away for. from heading on out of here. We'll be back tomorrow at 5.40. You're a terrific crowd. We were talking about the worst survey ever, at least I think. Someone pumped out this nonsense onto social media.

Worst online challenge ever. Call it whatever you want. The scenario is, would you blindfold yourself for 24 hours? You can't leave the house. You can't fall asleep. You've got to keep the blindfold on at all times. And in return, you get $10 million. I think it's friggin ridiculous, anybody who would turn that down.

My God, talk about easy money. Does anybody want to try it? I mean, to a certain extent, none of us want to waste a day off by walking around or hanging out at the house blindfolded. But maybe just for an evening or something? I can't. Would anything fun come of that, Josh, do you think, or is it just stupid? Oh, I've seen movies where blindfolds involved and people get a little frisky.

Would you go from the time you get home, like let's say today we decide to do this? would you go from what time do you get home like 11 o'clock in the morning until you wake up for work tomorrow am i allowed not to do any show you don't got to do anything okay i mean i don't know other than falling down i just have a hard time coming up with what might come of it all mean might be hard to like uh make yourself food i guess oh you can do it got a wife there she can make the food for it whatever i can figure it out forget it's dumb 10 million dollars you kidding me some people uh a lot of have been texting in on this, worst survey ever. I love this idea.

One listener says, give 10 blind people a million dollars apiece. I think they've earned it. Yeah, I agree. Jesus. I haven't seen one text come in saying they would not do it. Somebody mentioned they'd slap their own grandmother for a quarter. Oh!

Slapped her right across the mouth, huh? Got a quarter? Others have texted in and said this sounds like those darkness retreats now. Oh, yeah. I never, I don't remember the details on a darkness retreat. Was it really absolute darkness for days on end?

Yeah, I've never fully heard. Yeah, you're going like a little hut or something like that and stay there and smoke stuff. All of it sounded so dushy and ridiculous. I never looked into the details. I'm like, how much darkness is actually included in a real darkness retreat? Like Karen Rogers and I think Rudy Gobert did one of those.

I mean, I don't know. Did you ever know a blind person? No. Mm-mm. I certainly met blind people, but not like somebody that I knew real well. My Uncle Donald couldn't see Dick Tracy. By the time, I mean, by the time he was a middle-aged man, I think his eyesight had deteriorated to where he couldn't drive. He was for all intents and purposes blind.

One of the funniest men I've ever known, my uncle Donald, he passed away quite a few years ago. He had a great line, too. My first wedding. There was some dildo walking around the wedding reception with a video camera and talking to people. Hey, what do you think of the new couple? I don't know whose idea that was. It certainly wasn't mine or my ex-wives. But there was some guy walking around with a camera just talking to people.

And his go-to line, I learned from watching this 30 years ago. I mean, I think I watched a video once, and it was pretty dumb. But he kept asking people, are you drinking tonight or are you driving? Right? So this guy didn't know most of the crowd. I still don't recall exactly who he was. but he puts a camera in my Uncle Donald's face who's blind as a bat

and he says hey are you drinking the night or are you? Donald was a heavy drink or too he loved to drink. Guy asked my Uncle Donald are you drinking the night or are you driving and Donald says God help us all if I drive

Couldn't see Jack Ola so there you go dumbest survey ever what do we got before we roll out of here Covey? We do have a couple of shoutouts First want to say shout out to all the boys going to work in Aurora, Illinois from Jewish Jesus. Happy birthday to Tim from, but you didn't mean not to Jesus.

Happy birthday to Spanky from Joel the Plummer. And happy birthday to Presley, Melvin the Mott boy, Jesus' daughter, turning the big 06 today from Uncle Turkey Butt McGee. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play.

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