93X Half-Assed Morning Show - No Regerts

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

Originally Aired  September 23, 2026: D in a bag! Sex after death. Everything you've ever wanted to know about smoking horse flies.  Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140.40 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheating.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-assed morning show. Ninety-three. Oh, absolutely. I've been waiting on this all morning. Welcome, folks, to the 93-X half-ass morning show. Smells like cat food in here. Is someone eating cat food?

It's like, is that a bagel? What is that, Ashley? It's on. So, yeah, it was toast. Ah, yes. The hallway smells of delicious toast. Smells like cat food to me. What?

Dude, you always think anytime I have something to eat, you always think it smells like the craziest thing. Well, a lot of what you eat smells kind of gross. It'll be a bagel every single day for months. And at one point it'll smell like fried chicken. Veat. Yeah. Josh, you ever tried cat food? I have.

Yeah? On a dare, yeah. Like what cat food? How did you like it? I didn't care for it. No. I didn't go back. But, you know, in a pinch, if I had to, if that's all we had.

Somebody dared you to eat cat foods? Yeah, we kind of had a whole smorgasbord of animal food between dogs and cats. And bird food, yeah, so we tried a little bit of everything. You're talking about in the home you grew up in? No, this was a buddy's house. Bird food's probably good. No, it wasn't. Yeah, that was actually the worst, to be honest.

He tried it all. Don't try to tell him about pet food, what tastes good and what to take. He tried all of it. I should say, in my opinion, Ashley, maybe it is to you. Yeah, everybody's taste buds are different. Rank them from three to one, a bird food. cat food, dog food. That's it.

Oh, yeah, that's my exact. Played itself out exactly like that. I tried to, I used to like to play pranks on the older kids. And one time at the Mall of America, they had this kiosk, maybe it's still there. There's a kiosk with all these fancy dog treats. I mean, it looked like you were going to a bakery. Sure. And that's why I thought it was at first.

So my son and I stopped there. I've seen those some bitches. You've seen that as well? Yeah, they look beautiful. They look so delicious. It'll trick a fellow. Yeah. So I saw, wow, well, look at that.

I'm going to get my daughter with a cookie. I'm going to buy one of those fake cookies and see what happens. And so me and my son thought that's going to be so funny. And we went over there and she ate it. And she's like, you know, this tastes a little weird, but it's really good. And I explained, ah, you're eating a dog treat. And she went for it. Ate the whole entire thing.

It's a power move. It was a power move. Boy, if she'll eat that. Don't you dare. Have you tried any other house pet foods? That's all I can think of. Bird. Yes.

Cat. Affirmative. Canine. Correctamundo. All right. You never tried any goat pellets or lizard? I never ate any crickets that my iguanas would eat. Yeah, what about the turtle food?

You had a turtle for a while. Do you ever try that? Turtle food. No. No, there were these little pellets. But, you know, sometimes you'd give them little fish. Did you just say iguanas? Yeah.

I had a pair. You had multiple iguanas? Yep. I was wondering about that, too. Nick. I had two iguanas. When you were a young kid? No.

This was, my parents would never get a something like that. I was six months ago. The second I turned 18. I decided I'm getting a tattoo. Going to the casino. I went to the casino, went to the strip club. And don't get in my way. I'm going out to buy two iguanas.

That's right. Yeah. I'll show you, mom and dad. I got cable TV. I started living life. You'd sit there and watch cable with your iguanas. We'd watch MTV.

Headbangers ball, I'm guessing. Got myself in an incredible amount of credit card debt. I did everything an 18-year-old wants to do. All right, well, you deserved it. I don't know if I deserve it. You deserve to cut loose. I was waiting.

You know, we grew up similarly. Your childhood was a nightmare. That wasn't a nightmare, but we didn't have much. We did grow up similarly when it comes to finances and fringe benefits, whatever the, you know where I'm going with that. Yeah. But other than that, I mean, your childhood was a strict Catholic nightmare where mine was

different than that. I think that's where the similarities end. Yeah, my parents showed more love to their children than from what you've said to us before, your parents did you. Certainly you. Sounds like your brother and maybe even sister did all right? They were They were handed

And provided some things that I never became familiar with Yes Here's a question from Dinky Doo Trucker But Jesus He says everybody's tried that smoked catnip Right Is that a real thing? What does he mean? I thought he meant marijuana

Oh pardon me I misread his text No I thought he said Everybody has tried smoked catnip What he said was Everybody has a friend that smoked catnip, right?

Oh, so he's saying like the, okay, I thought he was making a weed joke. I don't know anybody who smoked catnip. No. Nobody. Boy, that stuff works, though. Watching cats on catnip is hilarious. It drives him crazy. It does.

They go nuts. Yeah, it works. No, I've never watched anybody smoke catnip. I watched a guy smoke goldfish crackers. Okay, that's one. I watched a guy smoke. ground pepper Isn't there bugs?

At one point It was a dead It was the same guy And he's not doing good I bet Actually he's dead Oh really You were right actually

Not related to these episodes This was a guy Who we like to play pranks on When we were young He was a little older actually Quite a bit older There was this older family in my neighborhood who were just really cool party all night type couple and they were probably

40 and we were 18 19 but they were right in our neighborhood saw them a lot and at one point or another when we turned around 17 or 18 they would wave us over to their parties and say come on over what the hell, you know. When you're 17 or 18 and there's a house full of 40-year-olds that say, drink whatever you want, make yourself at home, you didn't pass up on those opportunities. Absolutely not. And it wasn't like they were creepy or they were really cool, really fun people. I, far as I know, those two, the married couple I'm referring to, they're still around. But so we just had a riot. Well, they had this one buddy who would get so, and hammered. So he's around 40-something, right? He would get so hammered that we young kids and

some of the older people were very entertained by providing him what he thought was marijuana. And he would just instantly light anything you handed to him, right? And so we played a couple pranks on him. Once we loaded his one hitter with ground black pepper and watched him take a hit off of that and watched him just turned green. Was he sneezing like a Son of a gun. I don't remember. I just remember he, I think he backed away from it and said, this stuff is so harsh, you know, one of those potheads lines, like a pot smoker's line. He called it harsh. And the other was we ground up goldfish crackers and put it in his one hitter. It was just a little show that we like to put on when we would party with this older couple.

Going back to eating animal food, I was very disappointed in pepperonies. They looked so good. and they kind of almost smelled good. Borderline smelled good. I have tried a paparoni, and that was brutal. It's awful. It tasted chemical. Yeah, it's disgusting. One of the worst dog treats.

Milk bones aren't bad. A couple people text in and said they had family members that would eat milk bones on more than one occasion. I wanted to find out firsthand what my dockson, the Oz Man, I wanted to find out what the hype was all about. When I would just rustle that bag of paparoni's, he would run through fire to get one of those in his yapper. So one day I decided, is this really, I mean, the greatest snack on earth? Yeah, am I missing out on something here?

Am I missing out on something? So I tore just a little piece of that pepperoni off and threw it in my cake hole. It was awful. It took me. Trash. It almost took me, I think, 24 hours to. clear that taste from my mouth. It's disgusting. Same with that bacon stuff. Oh, the bagan

strips? Yeah, I haven't tried those. And then I found out later in life that that's like the worst damn thing you could ever give to your pet. Yeah, I know, right? We used to give our dogs growing up, we used to give them whatever treat. And then I got my own dogs, and I was like, oh my gosh. He would have killed for. Ozzie would have

killed for a pupperone if I asked him to. My dogs are like that with the dental treats. They go nuts. Oh, yeah. Sprinkler fitter Jesus said when his kids were young, They had to have several conversations for them to stop eating the dog treats. They loved dog treats. Yeah, little kids are stupid. We give our dog that those pup cup type things from the freezer, you know,

they're little ice cream treats. Sure. Like maybe Dairy Queen will give you or something? Yeah, well, these are like actual made by a pet food company. And I tried it. They're pretty good. I always wanted to try those. They're pretty good, actually.

You see at like Cobb and I'm like, hmm. If you're in a pinch and you need some ice cream actually, Actually, it'll do the trick. Does your wife ever give you that for being a good boy? Oh, yes. Oh, I'm a good boy. I get one of those. I go eat in the backyard.

Master electrician Jesus said my seven-year-old son still eats dog food every time he feeds the dogs. I never, I should clarify, I had the wet stuff. I didn't, like, chew up the dry stuff. Yeah, so I never watched anybody smoke catnip, but I watched the dude smoke black pepper and goldfish crackers. And then there was a dude who smoked horseflies. But I don't know if that story is... I don't know if that story is tellable anymore.

I don't know. Yeah, there's an element to the story that maybe doesn't fly anymore on the radio. So I'll just tell you he smoked some horseflies. Horse flies. Yeah. Speaking of your pet, you guys effed up, didn't you, with these pets? It says here that nowadays, the cost to own a pet is like this for a cat to pay for that cat's food, medical expenses. In a cat's lifetime, it's going to run you $20,000 to $45,000.

Can you effing believe that seems crazy high. That's absolutely, that can't be true. Because I was just talking to my husband the other day because when we got together, he already had a cat. And so now we have a cat together. And I said, hey, does she ever like need to go to the vet? Because we've been together for four years. I've never seen the cat go to the vet. He's like, no, cats don't go to the vet.

I was like, oh, all right. Some of them don't. You're right. I mean, I guess if you, it was, what did they say the average was 15 years? for a cat, the lifespan? Is that what the thing said? Yes, I believe so. So, according to Josh Math, that's $1,300 a month, which seems high, but I guess maybe if your cat gets sick.

Sure. That's so high. There's no way we spend over $100 if that. Oh, did I say a month? I'm sorry, a year. Again, I said it was Josh Matt. $1,300 a year. It mentions here that emergency bills are where the money really.

kicks you in the nuts. Yeah. This is just average. Some of you might not spend a dime. I'm just telling you, the average, there's real grown folks who do this arithmetic, so I'll go ahead and trust them. The average, the amount of money that's going to come out of your pocket

over the lifetime of your cat is $20,000 to $45,000. For a dog, it could go from $20 to about $60,000. I could see that. I mean, just, and I know, you know, we've got giant dogs, sorry, that eat a lot. I think for dog food, we spend like $106 a month. Yeah, same here. We're around the same. You guys effed up.

Two big puppies. Yeah. And then dog, the dental treats were probably around $40 a month. And then dog outfits, it's about $300 a month. We like to keep them fresh, you know, change them out. Dog outfits? Yeah, we put them in little outfits. Ain't that a bitch? That's a lot of money right there.

Yeah, it is. I wonder if they tell you that. You know, they give you all the info on when you adopt a dog or something. Here's everything. Don't forget, you got to do all this kind of stuff. At least every time we've had that experience. You should skip a lot of that stuff. Yeah. I didn't know.

But if they told you, by the way, you're going to likely spend about 60 grand on this one dog. I might walk away from something like that. Yeah, uh-huh. I mean, I'm glad I have. have them. I love them to death, but yeah, if they would have, especially my dog that has had a lot of medical problems, if they told me like what I was going to, what to expect in the future, I probably would have walked away. And the article goes on to say, you know, if you keep up with preventative care that can save you some money as opposed to five years go by and you realize, oh, I forgot to care for

this dog and now it has 17 things wrong with it. Keep up with oil changes. Right. There's some conversation in here about pet insurance. We've never bought that. Buy it. Yeah, that's what Dr. Andrea said. Who'll be here tomorrow, by the way? Barter's thing you can do.

Buy the pet insurance. I've never looked into it. It has saved people. I've heard crazy stories. I've heard about it. Never looked into it. Wow. HVAC God Jesus.

Two dogs, $450 a month for dog food. Dude. They both have to be on prescription dog food. No. Wow. I'm so sorry. Not one, but both. Ashley just mentioned that, you know, she hooked up with this flavor of the month husband. He already had a cat. So now it's your cat together. Mari. I know you hate the name.

Marry? Marry. Has it make any sense at all? At any rate, my wife does this with our, well, wait a minute. No, not this dog. Oh, she did this with our cat. Well, her cat. Same situation. When I hooked up with my wife, she had two cats, actually, and I had one.

So we had three going for a while. Every damn last one of them is dead now. But anyway, with the cats that she brought into the relationship, every once in a while, like I'd walk into the bedroom and the cats are on the bed with her. and she would say to the cats, oh, look, it's your dad. And then I would say, well, hello, cats, right? And then she would whisper to them,

he's not your real dad. He's only your dad by marriage. That's incredible. Yeah. And the cats would kind of look at me like, yeah, I know. I mean, he's got a little bit of authority, but not a hell of a lot. He's not a real dad.

I've made little comments like that about my husband's cat because he got the cat with his, ex-girlfriend. Oh. So I'll be like, oh, yeah, I bet you miss your real mom, don't you? Does she have visitation? No. I know a couple that did that.

Do you ever think about your real mom? Yeah, he's like, shut off. You're so weird. I dig that. Yeah, $60,000. Man, I could have a ram T-Rex. You'd look great in a Ram T-Rex. I would.

Just put a little ladder on there so I could get in it. So 120 grand then. between the two dogs, if 60 grand's the high end of the average. I guess you've got to go along with it. Yeah, like Josh mentioned, our veterinarian friend, Dr. Andrea Johnston, should be stopping by tomorrow. We can run this by her and she can say, oh, that makes sense, or she can say, no, no, no, it's not that bad.

Or she can say it's worse. She's never been stumped. She immediately knows every single answer. She's very good. I mean, it's very possible. She just makes it up, but she seems very believable. She's so smart. Very, she's very good at her job.

Here's a question from John Deere Jesus. When your pets die, do you get them cremated? Yes, we have. We definitely did. And I remember. Do you have like three little? Oh, we got boxes all over the house. Oh, God.

I don't mean to laugh. I'm sorry. My wife recently mentioned this. She's like, between the pets and my parents, we got ashes all over the house. I mean, it's, yes, I have been doing that. When we were kids, of course, we'd just bury him in the backyard. But yeah. And I believe that goes around.

My memory serves me. We've had a lot of pet death in our house. Like I mentioned, my wife and I have only been married for three years coming up this Saturday, by the way. We've only been married for three years and three cats have died. And I remember it being $1,200, something like that to get them cremated. I could be wrong. I think it's in that. That sounds about right.

And you put them in a bucket and you put a little picture of them on it. You keep it on the shelf next to my folks? I'm going to look up what we paid for our dog's cremation. It was a lot more expensive than I thought it was going to be. Why do you ask, John, dear Jesus? Because he's the one who asked, when your pets died, do you get them cremated? Yeah, well, why are you asking? I'm just curious.

Do you go a different way with it? Because, yeah, that costs real money. But I think it's kind of nice to have that bucket in the house. And every once in a while, I kind of rattle it around. Are you in there? Hey, hello, Ozzie. Are you in there? It's me.

real dad. $11,000, $1,000, $1,5005 is what it cost for us. Yeah, you were right there. 11005. They're even expensive on their way out? What the heck? Teacher Jesus. I break down the dog expenses by dog.

So I know what each dog. So I know which one I love more, the cheaper one. Then you got those folks who like to put their pets down by themselves. Oh, yeah. My buddy's dad would do that. I'm not going to say anything about that. Teacher Jesus texted in and said 60 grand, huh? Still cheaper than my kids.

Yeah, kids. We've talked about this before. Our kids like 300 grand or something like that. They're a house. They're a price of a house. What are you guys doing? Why would you do that? Well, there's a lot of upsets.

Some might say wasting money. I think it's worth most pennies. What have you done? Insanely unqualified safety supervisor, Jesus says, it's just a T-Rex. Come on, man. Yeah, I know, but it's a pretty sweet vehicle. And I could do that instead of spending $120,000

on future ashes in our backyard or wherever you put them. Stillers fan Jesus texted in, and he said sometimes when he looks at the ashes of his dead pets, he says to himself, sometimes dead is better. What movie? I haven't seen that. Pet Cemetery.

I like that line. You didn't like the movie, though, right? It was garbage. Yeah. Yeah. I was scared to watch it when I was a kid. Other than Fred Gwynn. Fred Gwynn is one of the greatest actors to ever live.

They don't make them like Fred Gwynn anymore. Other than Fred Gwynn's character, that 1989-90 Pet Cemetery movie is dog feces. Speaking of pets, it's absolute. It's a mix of cat and dog feces. How much do you guys think it is to stuff your dog or your pet? Oh, someone actually just texted in and said, take your dead pet to the taxidermist. I don't know anything about that industry.

Let's see. Because I think to do... Number one, Ashley, I would say don't do it. That's ridiculous to have your frozen in time, dead dog standing in the living room with a stupid look on its face that it never made while it was alive. Could you imagine the nightmares my poor child would have?

It looks like between 600, $150,000. I'm telling you, I'm just saying that. What's the 650 product look like? A dog under 15 pounds. Oh. I'm just telling you this. If I walk in anybody's home and they've got their dead cat or their dead dog stuffed in the corner,

I'm going to assume them to be mentally ill. Yeah, probably. I got my three-legged dog there with all her other ailments. You know, I should, this is a good point. I should clear something up. People are saying, like this first. and says, just cremated my great day on Monday, I paid $260.60. I forgot. This was everything, meaning the woman that came over and put him down, the transportation, you know, to get him

cremated. So, yeah, that was like a whole package. I wasn't thinking about that. Yeah, a lot of folks are texting in saying, throwing their pet into the, into the oven there, cremation, $300, $400, $250 some odd bucks, this and that. When our dog passed away when we were kids, my dad just buried it in the backyard. That's what we always, like I said, when we were kids, we threw him in the backyard and we did the real deal. Covered them up. What's the real deal?

We got him cremated and got his ashes and then got like his paw prints made, stuff like that. But that was our only family dog. We had them for 13 years. And we had that, we had a lab back when I was real little that died, Josh. by getting hit by a snow plow. So we had to dig about seven or eight different holes in the backyard for the year. Yeah, one of our dogs got hit by a, at the time, an NSP truck. I never liked those people.

We had to dig multiple holes to put all of her in the ground because it was not pretty. Oh! Oh! Now I've gone back to that moment. Don't. Don't do that. We had a cat run over too on the highway. Oh, you guys.

Well, we lived on a frigging highway. I know. That sucks. Like, that just sucks. I got to admit, though, when the cat got rolled, it did create kind of a funny moment. So it was like 2 o'clock in the morning. And our neighbors come over to the house.

Well, one of our neighbors comes over. Knock it on the door in the middle of the night. That was probably, I don't know, a 12, 13-year-old kid. And I thought, what the living hell is this? and I heard my dad go to the door and have a brief conversation with this neighbor. And then I heard him whispering something to my mom. And what had happened was the neighbor had gotten home late that night and saw an animal on the roadway and recognized it was our cat.

They're deader than disco. So the neighbor came over and said, yeah, your cat is dead on the highway. Right. So I overheard it. And next thing is, You know, my dad's, he just pulled on a pair of jeans, no shirt, got a shovel on his shoulder. He's going out to scoop up the cat, right? And I just remember looking out the window, it's 2 o'clock in the morning.

There really shouldn't be much traffic, but just poor timing, right when my dad's trying to walk out onto the sidewalk to scoop up this cat, these cars start going by. He's playing Frogger. And I kept bracing myself that one of the cars was going to run over the dead cat and it would be like a splash thing. right you're like a Tarantino movie but I remember my dad like this one car goes by and my dad with his shovel he goes you son of a bitch and then he scoops up

I don't know why he cursed that guy out like he didn't want to be out there in the first place son of a bitch haven't you cursed out people driving through your neighborhood or you said you were close oh god yeah I've reached that point years ago Simon says you know what the price of groceries these days don't cremate the dog

oh this is a good point Jesus. It's what he would have wanted. Big Gut tow truck, Jesus said his girlfriend's Corgi had to be put down last year. There's a website you can send a picture of your dog to, and they make a Lego figure out of them. Lego figure? We have one of those at our house. My wife got a tattoo.

A Lego figure of a dead pet. Yeah. Well, our dog's still alive, but we do have a Lego set of them. You have a Lego set of a lot. Yeah, we do. We got a lot of Legos. Trash Daddy Jesus, our buddy Trash Daddy Jesus, super handsome. Just throw the bastard in the dumpster, he says.

Well, yeah. I'd feel a little bad about that. Here's a guy who says there are people who display their pet skeletons in a glass case with flowers and such. I know. Never heard of that. I haven't either. It's very strange. She also makes art out of bones.

Well, she sounds like a character from top to bottom. Yeah, you guys know the story. of when my bro Curtis came home from high school and lifted up the trash can on his... Oh, God. He lifted up the lid on the trash can on his folks' property. He was going to throw an empty bottle of Mountain Dew in there, and his dog was dead. That is so traumatic. What the hell's corky doing in the trash?

And the old man said, well, he died. And Curtis said, you couldn't put him anywhere other than in the trash? That's corky. Also, I don't think you could do that. Well, his dad wasn't the type of guy who... All right. There you go. What else is going on?

It's Wednesday. I suppose we've got to get going in the right direction. We'll talk to Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder later. Stupid news. We'll get to that next on the Half-Ass Morning Show. The 93X Half-Ast Morning Show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here.

I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tuneup or double dip and save $140 if you add the AC tuneup as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.

Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and needs someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialky's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the work. person get compensated for work-related injuries, even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bianchi Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

You want Dave on your side. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode WW CFB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility.

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Now I can. I'll tell you what We were going back and forth a little earlier About our beloved house pets By God, Cubby, we love them We sure do We love our house pets They bring so much joy

It brings back memories For me personally It makes me think of old Megan Marie Best girl in the whole world Josh you knew me back in the day When Megan Marie was still wandering around You remember the stories where my drunk ex would pull up I'd be on the sidewalk in my hometown and my drunk ex would pull up in her van

and she's just hammered behind the wheel and I'd get in into the back of the van and Megan Marie would be back there and then my drunk ex would go racing through town in that van just totally out of control when we'd hit certain hills she would catch air in the van and we'd come crashing down and I'd be in the back of that van with Megan and I'd be saying, are you my girl? Are you the best girl in the whole world? You know, it's kind of one of the memories I have of those days. Sweet.

We got to talking about the average cost to care for our pets. It's ridiculous. Kind of shocking. 20,000, 40,000, 6. During the course of your dog or cat's lifetime, on average, folks spend between like $20,000 and $60,000 for one pet. we got to talk about some bad things putting them down some folks choose cremation you know this and that not all pets get a dignified end to their lives you know the night night shot and then they

slowly fade away into oblivion motor vehicles can come into play sometimes unfortunately and our listeners have their stories here's a listener who says at 12 years old i witnessed my mom run over our family dog. Oh, no. Didn't give specifics. Must have been in the driveway at home. Yeah. But I witnessed my mom run over the family dog.

My dad grabbed a shovel and a gun to finish the job, but the dog had already died. I saw a dog get hit by a car on Highway 62. And it got up and was fine. Well, I shouldn't say fine. He was, but he just got up and kind of sat there and looked around like, what the hell, man? Trinoling. What's going on? I never want to see that

I saw the aftermath of it one time it was when I lived in Wisconsin and somebody went through the small town I lived in and everybody at the bar was like what's going on outside? Why is everybody freaking out? And you go out there and somebody's like sitting there with a dead dog and it's got like somebody put a coat over it

and it's like oh this is just the most traumatic moment there must have been something that you did not want to see underneath that coat. It was terrible. Always heard. Hurt Sheez's. Well, that sounds like a problem. Always Hurt Sheez says that she accidentally ran over her family cat in her own driveway. Oh, boy, that sucks. And back to cremation. Spendi.

Any pet care costs a fortune these days. Again, unfortunately. Cremation, around $1,100, $1,000. We were having the conversation earlier. Here's a guy, Josh, here's good news. I should hang on to this guy's phone number. He's willing to offer a discount to cremate our pets. You want to know what he wants in trade?

What's that? Tree Fitty. That's all he wants. Tree Fitty. All right, here we go with the stupid news report. And you guys know this old bit. And if you listen to this year radio show on the regular, you know how this makes my blood pressure

skyrocket. We're leading off here. These are some of the saddest some bitches in town, if you ask me. There are some serious mental shortcomings happening with the dickless morons who run around town pretending to be a cop. I mean, why don't you just announce to the world that deep down you're still a seven-year-old? Arrested development, I think, is the word, the term, Josh. It is. That's a tough one to wrap your head around.

I'm sure there's a few different motives for folks like that. Certainly a failed police officer. They didn't pass a background check, rightfully so. You've got to have some kind of mental misfirings going on. I believe that's the truth. I mean, when I was seven, I enjoyed playing cops and robbers. This effing guy is 60 years old. It's so nuts.

I think I'd rather get my name in the papers for playing with myself, in public than for impersonating a police officer. It makes it even crazier when I think about how that's like my mom pretending to be a police officer. What are you doing? That's what I'm talking about. Go to bingo. I'd rather be the jackoff guy, the neighborhood jackoff guy in the papers,

than have my name in the papers for impersonating a cop. So in Phoenix, Arizona, the real cops are warning folks to look out for giant nerd arrest. development fake cops. Nerd's a good way to put it. That's definitely what this person is. The real cops are warning folks to look out for these nerd fake cops after they had to up and arrest one of them recently.

Again, this dude is 60. By the way, your mother's only 60 years old? Yeah, that surprised me as well. She's a little bit older than that. Like how much old? Let me think my dad is. 66. That still, that's pretty, because

How is your oldest brother? My oldest brother is in his, gosh, I haven't talked to the oldest ones in a really long time. I think late 40s, early 50s, but those are my father's children. So my dad's eight years older than my mom. Well, you are your father's children. Yeah, you are as well. Only my father's children, sorry. Not my mother's.

You ever known anyone who dated somebody 10, 11 years older than them or 10, 11 years younger than them? Yeah. I can't think of. Your mother is only 11 years older than me. You know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying. Oh, you do know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying.

Nice. All right. She might be down. She's been married a while. Why not? Trust me. Trust me. She gets a little hit of this.

She's going to be down. My dad's going to show up here. He's a large, intimidating individual. He really is. Who also was a sweetheart, I found out. It's very confusing. Maybe intimidating to you. Okay, so this guy is 60.

And he's out there playing fake cop. He's pulling vehicles to the shoulder. Scott is this guy's name. Why does that make it so much better? I don't know. Oh, really? I agree with you. I know a couple Scots and they're wonderful.

No, I don't like the Scots. I don't. Scott the Little Bitch, we're going to call this guy. So Scott the Little Bitch, is driving his little bitch mobile around Phoenix, Arizona. And you know the gimmick again. This is nothing new. He's got the lights. You know, he bought some lights on Amazon to make his bitch mobile look like a cop car.

He pulled a couple people over because it makes his little pee pee swell up. The real police caught him. Scott's a goner. He's been charged with impersonating a peace officer. Unlawful imprisonment and kidnapping. Now, they don't give any details here in the story, but I think, Josh, that must mean he stuffed somebody into the back of his bitchmobile. That might be where the kidnapping charge comes into play. Yeah, we would have to.

Kidnapping on his frigging permanent record. Way to go, dude. Should have just jacked off. What a colossal waste of oxygen he is. Now, he probably combined it to not think about it. He was jacking off as he was, yeah. You'll like this part. One of the people that Scott, the little bitch, yanked over to the shoulder, one of them was a lady.

She called the real police because she knew there was something fishy about little Scott, the fake cop. So she calls, fake cop Scott pulls her over. She calls the real cops. Scott remained at the scene until state troopers showed up. And he tried to pull this on the real cops. This is cute. He told the real police that this lady was speeding and running red lights, and he thought she was going to kill somebody.

You got that? Partners. So Scott the bitch, he pulled the gal over. This is what he told the real cops, because there were no other cops around to do it. He's one of them. He's trying to help. And, of course, the real police saw through that BS. And like I said, he's in serious trouble.

Now, this lame fake cop bit has become a thing in the Phoenix, Arizona neighborhood. Recently, some other Jay Brone pretended to be the police at a hotel so he could get a free room. I didn't know that was a thing. I didn't either. A couple days later, two virgins were arrested for pretending to be. cops. They were chasing folks down the street with weapons drawn. Oh my God. They were both confirmed virgins. When they investigated further, yes. Police car building Jesus said they've had some suss people come in looking to buy stuff to have installed on their vehicles, and we turn

them away, he said. And then they even reported them to be looked at. I bet you guys get some people there. Oh, that's kind of fun. You are a child. That's what you are if this is what you do with your free time. You're a child. I want to know, like, real cops, their thoughts on this, and we can find out Friday, Major Gordon Shank, Lieutenant Mike Lee, and they have a new public information officer who will be joining us on Friday. We've got to remember to ask them that and see if they have any stories on it.

We've heard about it here a couple times, and it's usually the same, like it's somebody who they just can't learn a lesson and they do it a few different times. Oh, man. All right, I got to go back to this. I didn't realize this. All the times I've been hanging around Ashley, Mama. She's only 11 years older than me. Yeah, it's weird.

See, here's Waylon for Life Jesus, who says, my wife, he says, is 14 years older than me. And he says, it is miserable. Oh, no. Why? Why? I don't know. It's none of our business.

Why? I thought he was going to go the other. No, no, no. He says it's awful. Anyway, here's something for you folks who like a little bit of gore. And I'm talking the real thing. Bloody body parts and internal organs and old dead, limp genitals and whatnot. What we're talking about here is some type of an exhibition. This was supposed to be an exhibition.

What movie? 651-551-93-93. What movie? Whoever answers correctly first, we'll get undying respect from me. This was supposed to be, and there's a slight pause, an exhibition,

and there's a lot of spit coming out of the character's mouth. I don't. You don't? No. There's lots of spit. A lot of spit. We got already offended millennial Jesus, Rocky 4.

I would be offended if people didn't know what movie that was from. Wonderful movie, one of my all-time favorite. I didn't know, Dana, I'm sorry. Have you seen Rocky 4? No. What? I don't remember seeing any of the Rockies. You can be deported if you say that out loud.

Honestly, I just keep slipping my mind. Every time I sit in front of my TV and I'm like, all right, well, I actually have time to watch something. Let's see what it's going to be. I forget every single suggests. I'm stupid. Yvonne Drago was just beating the piss out of Apollo Creed. How old is your son now, Ashley? He is 13 months.

And he hasn't seen Rocky 4 yet? I know. I'll get on it. I'll get on it. You can borrow him for the afternoon. I'm going to show him Rocky 4. I'm going to show him the director's cut as well that came out two years ago. Don't let him eat any Legos. No promises there. Dana's the wrong guy for that.

They're all over the floor. He's bound to at least get a couple. All right, it won't kill him. So if you like blood and guts and old hanging wrinkly genitals, there's an exhibition like the type of setup you see at a museum. The show is called Bobby Worlds. Seen it. Oh, you have?

Yeah, it's creepy and interesting at the same time. Did you see old dead genitals swinging? I don't remember genitals. Okay. I'm so jealous. I wasn't able to make it during that. It's killing me that I missed it too. The Body World Show is currently being put on in Spain.

Do you remember anything like this, Josh? And this is where the controversy kicks in. What they did hear this time around at the Body World's show, they propped up real dead human carcasses, and they set them up into sexual positions. No. What? I just made my own sexual positions.

Just when I asked, you know, take some photos of me having sex with this or that or this or that. But they had a lot of dead bodies there. The one that's the most concerning is, you know how, like, you know those egg slicers when they just, you put the little egg in there and then it cuts it into a bunch of pieces? No, I do not. They have bodies like that where they're just sliced in pieces. That was pretty disturbing. So you can see the inner workings of their lungs or their small intestines. That's so cool.

So, yeah, this time around at the Body World's show, they've propped up these dead carcasses into sexual positions, and folks were very much grossed out by that vibe. That's awful weird. On paper, the Body World's people, they say that they are an exhibition that brings together anatomy and the most recent discoveries about health and well-being. They say preventative medicine, this self-care. and health education that. But then they took the dead carcasses and propped them up into the doggy style position. 69.

It's so weird. Why? The wheelbarrel. It would be kind of cool if I just explained all those because there's something I've heard the terms and I don't fully know what they mean. The flying camel. Yeah.

So the dead corpses that have been folded into sexual positions they were all apparently donated. before these folks checked out, they agreed to have their carcasses kept in a cooler and then put on display at these hippie-dippy exhibitions. But some folks are wondering, did they give permission for their bodies to be included in a gross-looking zombie porn display kind of a thing? Did they give permission for that?

So that's where the argument has kicked in, Cubby. I've heard if you give permission, they can just kind of do what they want. But maybe there's a way to stipulate it. The bodies are displayed in different ways at the show. Some are riding a horse. And now we've learned that some are riding a dong. Some are playing a game of basketball. And despite being long dead, NBA referees have claimed that three of the corpses

recently fouled Shea Gilgis Alexander. Boy, he does get fouled the line. So he'll be heading to them. To the free throw line. Oh, and this too. People are wondering, people who are against this gimmick, they're wondering, are children allowed to view this F-me-after-death show? Are children allowed? I don't know the answer to that one, but a lot of folks are saying kids shouldn't see dead bodies.

Well, that's at the discretion of the parent. You know, the parent is cool with their kids saying that. I mean, that's their deal, right? Well, but that's not how it often works. Usually you have to make a blanket statement, right? Yeah. This show is 13 and up, 18 and up, whatever. Sure, I mean, yeah, it'd be nice if each parent could make that decision.

But if you're running a show like this, you kind of have to have an age limit or not. Physics teacher Jesus said, if I donate my body to science like that, can I pick the position? who I'm paired with, and can they add any enhancements? Yeah, I'd want those choices as well. The pictures were a little, what's the word I should go with, Josh? Troubling. Troubling. Dead vacant bodies humping each other looks a little wrong to me.

Yeah, a few people including Rickshaw Jesus saw this, not with the sexual positions, but when it would. was here. It was a long time ago at the Science Museum, I don't know, at least 10, 15 years, maybe even more. Yeah. It's fascinating, but a little gross. Yeah, definitely. One listener wonders if anyone's walked into this display yet, a guy, and he puts his hand in his front pocket, and he says, oh, that's the stuff right there. Oh, Lord. You know there's at least one. Yeah, there's got to be one. Always one. Can you imagine, though, if, I've already, now I forgot what I was going to see. Oh, how this started, the sexual position thing?

Like, do you think somebody did it as a bit? Like, hey, look at these two. Definitely. And then they thought, that is incredibly fascinating. They cracked open a case of beer, Josh, as they were setting these some bitches up. And it was like two, three in the morning. Everybody's giddy. Everyone's hammered.

And, you know, one guy put the dead bodies into the buck style position. Yeah. And they had a laugh and they decided to go with it. That's exactly how it started. It muster. How long do you have to work with that type of thing, like with human bodies where it doesn't, like you don't see them like that anymore? Yeah, you become numb to it.

I don't know how long, but I imagine you become desensitized to it. Are they afraid of the person who like, it only takes them a week? Yeah. The guy's way too excited to get started. Hey, I brought my own. Yeah. It kind of, they looked fake a little bit. I mean, you know it's real, but it did look a little fake.

Yeah, I imagine you become, you become freakish. comfortable around that kind of a thing. You bring a couple of dead carcasses in here right now. I'm running away from the damn things. But after a while... Can you handle a wake? With an open casket? Sure.

That doesn't bother you? I'm talking about like a stiff, naked, dead carcass. Like, fresh off the slab at the mortuary. That would freak me out. Yeah. No, awake doesn't bother me. Yeah, shotgun Messiah Jesus This is right, I remember this too

There was a mom who passed away with her baby That was disturbing She's still pregnant So that was disturbing for sure Where did he see that? Oh, I know I'm glad At the body's exhibit Oh, I thought he saw it in a casket

At a funeral or something Oh, I'm really glad I missed that now Yeah, I would have bawled at that I can't see stuff like that Yeah, Ashley, I bet they become so familiar With these dead carcasses is that, you know, maybe you're carrying one of the dead carcasses to its display box, right? And you get like a little itch under your nose.

Maybe you take the dead carcasses hand and kind of scratch. I got an itch. Help me out with that. Just like rub it against your face. You're waving at coworkers. You're playing patty cake with them. Slap, slap, pop, pop. Like Josh said, you see the coworker, so you form the finger to them, you know, a little bit,

and they, they're one of their hands. Sure. Maybe the double bird. Mm-hmm. I have been to a few wakes, though, Josh, where I look in there and I say, who the hell is that? Yep. Especially when they're like glossy or something. It's an interesting gimmick, and I know nothing about it, how to decorate a dead person for display at a funeral.

But sometimes they're totally unrecognizable. And sometimes they look like they're going to sit up and say, give me a beer. Yeah. They look still alive. Again, I know nothing about that industry, but I guess it depends on how you go. Maybe it depends on how much you spend. Oh, yeah. You spend more money.

They're going to make your grandma look like she's part of the party. You only spend 20 bucks. She's going to look like a rotting carcass. All right, what in God's name is this now? Let me see if I can explain this one proper. Oh, Christ. Zimbabwe. Hmm.

Here we are in one of my favorite places to say out loud, Zimbabwe. It's lovely this time of year. A dude from that neighborhood, the local cops took to putting him under arrest. Dude was walking around town, and he's toting a bag. And when the police looked inside the bag, what do you suppose was in there? A head. Ashley says, coming off like Al Snow.

She says head. What does everybody want? Head. What does everybody need? Head. He said that. Dana, what would you guess was, What's in the bag to be as predictable as any morning radio show has ever been in the history of the game?

I'm going to say, what's in the bag? A severed penis. Okay. So here we are. Again, we're in Zimbabwe. dudes walking around and he's a toting a bag and when the police looked inside the bag they say that there was some other poor bastards

severed tallywacker. We have a winner. Wow! Whatever. I swear I didn't see this story either. It's interesting. Now I don't believe you now that you said that. Who?

Dana. Sounds like you're covering up. It's interesting how many cultures we've heard where they find the penis to have magical powers. Once severed and powdered or however they use the penis. Is that where they're going with this? Well, I'm just saying like you hear stuff like that where they're carrying around this for luck, perhaps. Oh, I don't know if I've heard those stories.

We've told them in the stupid news. We have? Yeah. Someone carries around someone else's severed rod and they say, well, this is my good luck charm? Yeah. I guess I don't recall any of that, but that is fascinating. I don't know if that was this dude's motivation. I guess we'll find out.

our guy, old dick in a bag, he had just crossed over from Zimbabwe to a place called Botswana. And so naturally the cops, you know how they operate. They check him out as soon as he's crossing the border. Make sure he's squared away. And dude had a dick in a bag. I think it's... I don't know why.

I don't even know if I well I'd probably have to know like what's going on here albinos where they'd have trouble they're they're the ones that were kind of the big targets do you remember that now does that no I do not albino penises were valued just their body parts anybody sick bro yeah no I don't recall that horror show but when we go off air lets me and you sit down and watch a video I want to know more about this okay dude's got a he's got a D in a bag I don't know why I don't know who's Wang

that once belonged to I don't know if the original owner of that Wang is alive or maybe our guy killed him and cut off his special purpose as a souvenir I don't know was dude going to eat it for lunch we just don't know there's no explanation here what I do know is that our buddy D in a bag, he has to face a judge here in the next few days to explain himself.

The severed pecker is in the freezer at the police station. Nobody's sure what to do with it, but it's evidence. So they got to hang on to the damn thing. Oh, oh, God, I almost missed this very valuable piece of information. The lead detective on this case, the lead detective, who's trying to figure out where Mr. Dick in a bag got the rod, what he was planning on doing with it. The lead detective, his last name is Dixon.

That's perfect. Everybody goes home a winner with this story. Yeah. That's just too perfect. I bet maybe he's not even in that jurisdiction, but they said, hey, there's a Dixon down the road. Let's bring him in for this. It'll be perfect.

Boy, I bet that was gross. Yeah. I wonder if it's obvious. Obvious? You're not expecting something like that. And I wonder just kind of what a shriveled up, severed private, if it would be that obvious what it was. You want to know what that looks like?

Go to the gym this afternoon, going to the men's locker. Yeah, I suppose. Oh, wow. All right, so we've got to learn more about this horrible, terrible albino body part story you were telling us about. Yeah, so I Googled it. And what Google says is people with albinism in certain parts of East and Southern Africa are targeted and killed for their body parts, which superstitious beliefs falsely claiming

brings wealth, power, and good luck. Oh, my God. Oh, my, what? Falsely, huh? That's horrible. Yeah, just because you look a certain way, you're born a certain way, you have to be on the lookout for people trying to kill you. Take your body parts?

Who came up with that and then how do you believe something like that? Yeah, how do you go along with that? It's 20 and 26. Yeah. These people don't scroll through Instagram in their free time, do they? Probably not. They have a whole different outlook on life. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show.

I don't know, there ain't much going on. Don't be surprised if the Vikings make a train. for a running back. Can we go anywhere with that one, Josh? Yeah, they want one. They signed a punter. That's pretty exciting. That's big news. I already got his jersey, actually. They did what? They signed a punter. I saw nothing in the local papers

about that. They don't want you to know. All right, yeah, the Vikings might trade for a run. Bill Guerin signed a new deal with his current employer, the pigs. Okay, Bill Garron. Twins played in San Francisco. last night. Yeah, they did. And they won. The links clinched the number one overall seed in the WNBA playoffs. Let's get it started in here. Let's get it started in here. Have you guys heard that one?

I've heard that song, yeah. Yeah, that's what the kids are saying. You mentioned that yesterday. This is my new thing now to get all of my favorite ball clubs headed in the right direction. I've written a new song. It's called Let's Get It Started in here. And I'm going to push it. It's going to be on all the television show. Randy Schaver will join us at 730. and trust me, we'll have some more time and some much more entertaining material come 730. Josh's news report is up next.

The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up

or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC-tune, up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard Heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialki's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries. Even if your injury was years ago, don't wait. Call Bialki Law today. 7-63-6-6. or go to Bialki Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. You want Dave on your side. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. promo code WWOS.

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Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawalable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. The 93X half-assed morning show. What in the actual fuck are you guys doing? On 93X. Lakeville City officials are asking everyone to avoid speculation at this time

and let police and first responders do their job. There are still idiots out there threatening schools and two threats directed at a pair of Minnesota high schools, to the lockdown and an emergency evacuation yesterday. Lakeville had a pretty rough one, courtesy of whatever bored, cowardly moron, or multiple morons, decided anonymous threats were a fun way to spend a Tuesday. Two high schools, two threats, several scary moments that didn't need to happen. This threat was at least egregious enough to get this kind of response from law enforcement.

I want to show you here what we're seeing. You can see a lot of officers here just to raid in front of the front doors of the school. We know that there are canines that are on scene here. now sweeping the parking lot and sweeping the school. We also have officers with long guns that are posted up at the entrances. Around 10 a.m. Lakeville police said officers were responding to an anonymous threat involving Lakeville South High School. The threat prompted a lockdown while police, school staff, and emergency responders scrambled to figure out of some loser was serious or just enjoys watching children panic. Then hours later, with Lakeville South students still settling into a church

where they'd been evacuated, police said a second threat had surfaced, this time targeting Lakeville North High School. The district addressed the first incident in a statement saying Lakeville South's lockdown prompted an immediate coordination between staff, officials, and police who are now hunting down the genius responsible for threatening both schools. We are working closely with law enforcement partners and the district, police said in a statement. An active investigation is underway regarding the source of the threats. thankfully neither the threat was substantiated and no injuries were reported this is probably the toughest question i've ever asked you on or off air josh in the 30 years that we've been friends and at times even more than friends

why are we the way we are i don't know you know maybe um 6 5151 5151 93 i was wondering this yesterday why I don't know. I mean, our new text number, 651, 551, 93-93. Right. Should we not read these stories anymore? Meaning, because the attention it gets, it's a new story, and it was a big one yesterday. And I kind of wonder sometimes, you know, maybe we shouldn't. I mean, it should be reported, obviously.

That's an even tougher question than the one I just asked you. Yeah. Should we quit? I don't know. You're not naming any names. No, I never would. making pretty good fun of them. Yeah, you're not saying like, hey, good job or anything, you know. I don't know. I mean, you got to do what you got to do.

Would it help if I... We got a job to do around here. You got to fill time. You got to find something to talk about. So, uh, letter buck. Would it help if I started doing gummies? Would that do anything to stop this? I think it would help you in a lot of ways. Yeah, you think so. Oh, but would it do anything to stop this? Yeah. Probably not. No, not at all? Probably not. All right, fine. You guys want to call in a school threat? I don't know.

Cubby's on gummies now. I wanted to, but he ruined it. And while Lakeville... I just don't get it. I don't either. I mean, I guess you guys know that. I say it all the time. I don't understand us anymore.

While Lake... You know, when you see... It's probably kids or a different country, right? Some moron in a different country. But when you see the response... And I mean, shoot, we're just coming off an absolutely terrible event at a school, you know, last year. And you see that kind of thing. Why would somebody think this is funny?

If that's why what their motivation was. Good question. Brain's not right. Or to get out of a math test or whatever's going on here. While Lakefield was dealing with anonymous threats on the opposite side of town, Blaine had a different kind of unwanted visitor at school, a guy on a bicycle trying to outrun the cops. students at Westwood Intermediate and Middle School

got a little unexpected excitement yesterday but fortunately it was over almost as quickly as it started at the request of law enforcement students outside playing were brought back into the building and doors were secured Blaine police said the man was they were trying to arrest rode away from officers on a bicycle and his tour to Central Avenue escape route

took him through school property police say the man was arrested kind of exciting Yeah, you'd give something to look at. Yeah. Police say the man was arrested quite quickly after leaving school grounds, and the school says the whole situation was resolved within just a few minutes. No disruption to the school day. Darylick running from the cops rode his bicycle through the playground.

Yeah, I think as a cop, it'd be kind of fun to drive your squad through a playground or like a park somewhere, wouldn't it? Sure. Cut through some grass. Yeah. An email heads up went out to parents yesterday, so nobody panicked if they spotted squads. the school. Yeah, that would cause some panic. Well, it would? Just some dork on a bicycle riding?

No, seeing a bunch of cops outside of school. Oh. That's why they sent the email. Yes. Today is National Go With Your Gut Day, and my gut tells me this woman is temperamental. A woman named... See, now, that sounds like the gummies talking right there. That I'm going to judge her like that? Yeah.

The old Josh wouldn't have said something like that. Gummy Josh has all kinds of judgmental things to say. Well, I just suggested perhaps she's temperamental, but you be the judge, as always. You know, don't listen to me. A woman named Angel didn't live up to her heavenly namesake last week. 23-year-old Angel Raynosa didn't bring peace or love to a home in Del Rio, Texas. She brought a metal pipe.

Police say Raynosa went on a rampage with the metal pipe after breaking into a house through a doggy door. Just a tiny little thing. Yeah, she must be a petite little carriage. She did look just a little undersized. This is the story of when a bitch crawled through a doggie door. And if you know the various definitions of bitch, that was a double in tondrey. Before we continue, this is Thomas from Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary. The definition of bitch can mean a female dog.

It can also refer to a person in a derogatory manner. Since the woman in this story entered through a doggy door, the previous joke has two meanings. And that concludes today's 93X vocabulary minute, furthering your education one bitch at a time. The more you know. The trouble began when the homeowner heard the front door slam shut and found Raynosa inside his residence uninvited. A heated verbal dispute quickly erupted between Raynosa, the homeowner, and a woman who was with him. A verbal dispute? Yes.

Like say, what are you doing in my house? That kind of thing? Or who's that lady? I thought we were dating. That kind of stuff. The homeowner managed to kick her out and lock all the doors, which apparently only eliminated the traditional entrances, because Raynosa came back, this time through the doggie door, armed with a large metal pipe. There is no way, dude. Once back inside, she hurled the heavy iron tool at the other woman, striking her on the right side of her torso, which frankly hurt like a bitch.

The homeowner once again removed Raynosa from the house and called police. She was known to the homeowner, but their relationship, and what sparked that fight in the first place was not given. She's not going to leave that doggie door unlocked anymore. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, most of them. She was known to the homeowner. Yeah. What does that tell you?

I'd imagine it's probably an ex. What does that tell you right there? Before we wrap up this story, I'm going to play a little clip from a San Antonio NBC affiliates coverage. We've all had those moments at work. you know, your brain just stops cooperating. This anchor, unfortunately, had one of those moments on live TV. A Rio woman is facing a burglary charge accused of throwing a pet through a door. No, she went through a pet door.

Oh, she went through. Okay, wow, let's start this one. She's accused of going through a pet door. Words are hard. Yeah. Okay, all right. Poor gal. Oh, I feel so bad for her.

I bet her face got so red. You know, not as red as you'd think. Oh, good for her. She's used to it. Maybe the makeup helps too, the TV makeup? Oh, yeah, I wonder. Oh, I just want to give her a hook. I know, I felt bad for it, too.

Even seasoned news anchors can occasionally step on a rake. Through a pet, through a door. As for Ray Nosa, she was arrested and charged with burglary with intent to commit a felony. Ray Nosa. A Long Island birthday turned into a nightmare when the ground itself opened up and swallowed a woman whole. People suffocating and they die, so I thought that first. It's my birthday. This might be my death date. Daniel Timoan, Danielle, excuse me, Timon, was standing in her own backyard in Bohemia, New York, Thursday,

when the earth gave way beneath her feet, plunging her into the crumbling abyss of a forgotten old well hidden under her lawn. At first we were thinking maybe she was in a shed or something, so we weren't looking on the ground. They said, keep screaming. Don't stop screaming. It happened so fast, and I was just down, down in an eight-foot hole, she said, trapped with crumbling, stone walls on every side and no way to climb out, she braced for the worse. That's hilarious. Then help arrived. Two neighbors heard her screams, tracked down the hole and called 911, capturing the moment on video. Oh my gosh, she fell on the ground. Okay, next, we're on the phone with 911. You're going to be fine, Daniel. They're on their way.

Firefighters lowered a ladder and hauled her back to solid ground, then broke into a chorus of happy birthday right there on the scene. Firemen, cops, a special unit cops, ambulance, EMTs, they were wonderful. I was tearing up. I was crying. As soon as she got out of the hole, I just gave her the biggest hug. And they all sung happy birthday to me. It was great. She survived. She doesn't sound like she's in too bad as shape.

No, she seemed fine. And she's F-I-N-E as well, I may say. She survived the terrifying plunge and is now recovering from a little bit of whiplash, a new fear of gardening, and some pulled muscles. She isn't going out in the garden for a while.

She's slinging it, huh? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And she's, I mean, that hole is tinier than a purse. I don't know how she fell down that thing. There she goes. Very small. There had been somebody on scene that couldn't help it laugh at such a thing. Yeah, once you realize she's okay.

Well, even before that. Oh, I don't think before that you should laugh. I mean, it's kind of a funny premise. Isn't it? I'd have to say, oh, well, and then everybody would say, get out of here. We don't need that around here. Raid your piggy bank.

The moment you've been aggressively budgeting for is finally arrived. Fast food giant Wendy's is dropping an emo album today, blending teenage angst, sick riffs, and square burgers. Known for Frosties and fiery roasts on social media, Wendy's took a break from systematically destroying people in the comments and cooked up a six-song track list on their Instagram story, hopefully bringing that beef to the album with at least one. disc track on it. Here's

some of the names of the songs. She said she didn't want fries. She lied. Salt in the wound. I missed the sunroom. The best combo meal on the worst night of my life. It's not a phase. It's a 10-piece and Mr. Frosty's

funeral. I love them so much. Wendy's. Their social media team is the best in the business. They are known for that. That's for sure. If they needed a name for a band, I put together some possible band name suggestions based on real bands, but with fast food themes. Hopefully these aren't stupid.

Ooh. How about Fallout Burger? Good sharp broil. Panic at the drive-thru. Dashboard confectionery. The All-American Breakfast. My combo meal romance. Newfound gravy.

Motion City sandwich. Taking back Sunday, which is a spelling joke. Oh, dude. That's the best one. That's a spelling joke. Death Cab for Koso and Jimmy Eat Whopper. There you go. Real-life best friends Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson might be linked by something far deeper than just a long-standing Hollywood friendship.

The iconic duo stars in the highly anticipated comedy series Brothers, which is now streaming on Apple TV. The show kicks off today with a special two-episode double dose. Who are the two best friends again? Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey. Oh. With future installments every week as the remaining six episodes air three. November 4th. I wonder if they did that project just so they could have an excuse to hang out and get

high together. Probably. And getting paid to do it. Yeah, getting paid to do it. Probably the part there. This looks pretty good. I like those guys. I like them together.

Yep, me too. Hungry for a great meal for a great cause. Well, then great news. Head to the Chanhaston American Legion Post 580 Friday, October 9th, from 5 to 8 p.m. for their famous fish fry. Get your fried fish with all the classic sides, just 20 bucks. and then $10 from every meal goes directly to the Randy Shaver Cancer Research and Community Fund. No reservations needed and walk-ins are welcome.

If you're interested in attending the event, you can find the Fish Fry Facts at 93X.com. Word up. Anthony Mackie from the Hurt Locker and the Captain America Movies turns 48 today. And George Costanza on Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, 67. Finally, today is also Redhead Appreciation Day, told so to Nick's sister. What up? And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show.

He doesn't hurt that bad, but nothing a cup of Whiskey Mountain Dews can't fix. What's wrong with that guy? He sounds like he's dying. He has a strained hamstring. He shouldn't even be here. You, however, will need surgery and miss the rest of the season. That can't be right, bro. I walked off the field on my own.

You're probably going to have to impotate mine then, Doctor. I had to get carted off the field. You're totally fine, Caleb. Then why was I screaming and rolling around and had to get carted away? I don't have the faintest idea why you do the things you do. Nothing can keep down Dart to Shark. I'm going to go get a second opinion. Man, that guy's badass. Doctor, I need you to sponge bath me.

Oh, my God. Here they are. To quote former ESPN television host Dan Patrick, you can't stop them. You can only hope to contain them. It's Randy Schaeber and Brad Ryder. Good morning, boys. Good morning. Good morning. A little audio there from, what do they call their show again, John? Riot comedy.

Riot comedy has this gimmick going online. They are not alone. What I've learned in the last 24 hours or so, lots and lots of folks are poking fun at Bears quarterback Caleb Williams for what went down Sunday. I can see why. The injury compared to his reaction, it's quite different. By the way, in that audio,

in the video, if you see the video, Caleb Williams is in a hospital bed with the oxygen tubes up his nose, and he's crying. Standing next to him is his doctor and Giants quarterback Jack Dart. And now we've learned that Jack Dart is likely lost for many weeks, maybe the season, because I can't remember what happened to Jack Dart. I like that you call him Jack Dart. In the video, Jack Dart is standing. He's standing and saying, hey, I can still play. Caleb Willem with his pulled hamstring is in a hospital bed, hooked up to all these life-giving, what do you call it, Josh?

Tubes and whatnot. So I've seen a lot of people making fun of Caleb Williams, calling him S-A-W-F-T soft for the crying and the thumbs up as he's leaving the ballpark, and all he has is a pulled hamstring. I felt terrible. But we were talking about this off air. I felt so bad for him because at first I'm like, oh my gosh, this could be season ending.

It looks so bad the way his reaction was. Right. So I'm not saying it's the correct thing to do to make fun of Caleb Willem. All I'm saying is lots of people are doing it, including that video, which was very funny. He says, you're probably going to have to amputate my leg, right, doc, and the doc is like, I don't even know what you're doing. You're not even supposed to be here, you know. I don't know what you're doing here.

And by the way, I don't know if you heard it, but Jack Dart says, nothing can stop dart the shart. Yeah, I like that. He'll be back, he says, dart the shart. So there you go. I don't know if you guys have a take on it, but. Well, maybe he thought it was worse than what it was when he left. Yeah, he must have.

In the moment, I mean, if you ever pull the hammy, that hurts. True, but Josh and I had this conversation off air and I said, is it possible that this guy who's been playing top level football his whole life? is it possible he never pulled a hamstring before? Potentially. Possible. Maybe. I find that hard to believe. Yes, it hurts.

It certainly does to pull the hamstring. I've done it. It hurts. But I guess that was the only conclusion Josh and I could come up with was maybe he'd never pull the hamstring before and he thought for sure his career was over. I don't know. I was defending the guy on Twitter yesterday and some guy said, well, he only had a grade one hamstring pull and other guys have walked off the field with worse injuries.

So he was in the moments supposed to self-diagnose a grade one hamstring and realize that he could maybe have walked, you know? Yeah, it was all very weird. They're being cautious. I get it. He took the card. Who cares? I get kind of cringy about that whole like machismo, like, tough guy. Get up and walk off, rub some dirt on it stuff.

I think we kind of can be done with that stuff. Maybe there's some of that. But did you watch the game? Yeah. Did you also think like, oh, no. Yeah, absolutely. So you're surprised when it's like, oh, it's a hamstring, not to belittle that, but it really look like this could be some serious trouble. Anytime you see a guy get hurt where he really isn't touched like that, you think the worst right away.

We've seen so many times where a guy wrecks their knee or the Achilles when somebody goes down like that when they're not really touched. and that was my first reaction when I saw him go down is that oh that's got to be in Achilles or something more serious than what it ended up being just because we've seen it so many times. Anyway, a lot of folks are picking on Caleb Willem. Yeah, we have some Bears fans picking on them right now texting. Medical device Jesus just sent me in.

How do I say this? He didn't send me in anything. He just sent me a meme with the picture and the funny words, right? That's a meme, right, Josh? Yes. It's a picture of the Bears coaching staff watching the stretcher get rolled away. But Caleb Williams isn't sitting on the stretcher. It's Lieutenant Dan from Forrest Gump.

His amputated legs. I will say one thing. At least he didn't get the Jaden Daniels treatment. Well, we talked about that yesterday. We did care. Jaden Daniels, his elbow, his whole arm fell off on the field and the rest of his ball club just walked away. They went into the locker room.

It's half time. What, our quarterback's still down? Whatever. I'm going to get some gatorade, make a telephone call. They didn't seem to care. So the Chicago Bears, if Caleb Willem can't play this week, and if the backup can't play, Terry Badger, what the hell is his name again? Why can't he play?

They say he has a concussion. Oh, boy. So if Caleb Willem can't play and Terry Badger can't play, they might have to play the backup to the backup. And that guy is our old pal, Cliff Kebler. Cliff Kebler. That's right. The dude who pulled the Hennepin County fluke out of his ass a few years ago

in the playoffs against the... Yeah. We're in week, what? We're in week three of the NFL season. All of these injuries are happening to quarterbacks. Yeah, that's what makes it fun, Bradrider. Oh. That's what makes it.

We mentioned this earlier. If you care, it says here, don't be surprised if the Vikings up and make a trade for a running back with the injuries at that position, the Vikings feel like their current situation isn't going to work. They say the way things are set up now, it would be way too much for Aaron Jones to handle more or less all by himself. So they might be.

Well, I hope they don't overpay for that, meaning give up too deep of a draft back, because there's a lot of guys out there. If you have a good offensive line that can fill the hole, there's people out there. I sure would like to see them give this Claiborne kid a chance to play a little bit more. Maybe that could soothe the situation if a young guy like that can step up to play. I'm reading that, as you would say, if Jack Dart can't go the rest of the season, that the Giants might be interested in nine possibly because of.

the Harbaugh connection and they need a quarterback and they need somebody who could step in for the rest of the season. Get it done. Yeah. Right, Brad Ryder? Get it done. That's why you hold on to him like this into the season because his value goes up every time somebody like that gets hurt. Wait a minute. So Andrew McCarthy, what the hell's his name again? J.J. Andrew McCarthy was in the breakfast club and

weekend and Bernie. Kind of a popular actor in the 80s. No, not the breakfast club. God dang it. Weekend of Bernie's? Yeah, I mentioned that one. Oh, I did. Okay. St. Almost Fire. Sorry, saying almost fire. Yeah.

So what are you saying? We're going, J.J. McCarthy straight up for Jack Dart? No. I'm saying. An injured Jack Dart. All right. Although I would take that. Can I tell you about my favorite ever running back trade in Vikings history and save your tired,

Herschel Walker jokes? My favorite running back trade in Vikings history. It was 1993 when the Vikings made a trade with Kansas City for who? That's right. Who? He shared the backfield. This is 19 and 93, so he shared the backfield with, I believe, a rookie douchebag by the name of Robert Smith.

Scotty Graham was still there. Oh, yeah. Oh, was Charles Evans possibly there? Oh, I'll give me a hint. I'll give you a hint. Sure, now I know. Okay. If I remember correctly, this running back, when he was originally drafted by the New Orleans Saints,

the Saints had to wait a while before he could take the field because he was in prison. Who was it, Randy Shaver? I can picture him. I just can't remember his name. Randy said it, but he got buried. Randy, one more time. Barry Word. Barry Word?

Yeah. I like Barry Word. His nickname, Josh, was the final word. I like it. Yeah. We could use a berry word type. Was it spelled? W-O-R-D?

Yes, it was. Yes, it was. You bet it was. You bet, pal. Well, this is radically different here. Drunken Neanderthals got into a weak-ass shoving match in the stands at the Rams' Giants game the other night. It says here one of the idiots had his pants fall off while he was mixing it up. Now, I miss that.

I watched the video twice. I never saw anyone's pants. come off. I didn't either. I'm wondering if they just didn't put that part in there. Maybe it was too embarrassing. The video is so overrated. You stupid websites and your clickbait. The website I looked at called it a quote, huge brawl at SoFi Stadium in all capital letters. Of course they did. You friggin' bastards with your clickbait. I've seen better fights at a might hockey game and that was two moms in the parking lot. NFL fans are still the worst. I didn't even see anybody's pants come off.

He wanted to see the pants come off. Now, this could be fun, but I'd advise you to hide your toothbrush. Oh. If you're in Louisiana, and I don't mean that type of hide your toothbrush, says here, Shaquille O'Neal, the diesel, the daddy, the playground prints, the big Aristotel. Chak Fu, the big shamrock, Mani Shackiow, the big Berishnikov.

Whatever character he chooses to be, he's going to be the halftime entertainment at the Saints home game this Sunday against the Las Vegas Raiders. He's going to bring out his DJ booth and he's going to have a live microphone and he's going to be the halftime entertainment. DJ Diesel.

Wow. Yeah. Well, that kind of reminds me going to the Timberwolves games back in the day when you guys had the tired old rapper halftime gimmick for a while there, Brad Ryder. Didn't you like vanilla ice? I liked all of them.

Yeah, vanilla ice is great. I liked all of them, Cubby. I saw vanilla's ice. I saw the guys who said, come on ride the train. We ride it, burp, burp, come on ride the train. We ride it. Who was that?

I don't know. That was the Quad City DJs. Yeah, I think who had. at Bismarkey a couple of times. That's right. Oh, that's fun. I saw, Josh, you know who else I saw? Tone Loke. Word. I'd like to see Tone Loke. It was tough. Oh, it wasn't good?

It was tough. He didn't have the wind anymore. So he had some other guy out there who was kind of filling in all the lines that Tone Loke didn't have the wind for. Kind of like watching Vince Neal in concert when he turns the microphone over to the crowd. It was kind of tough watching Tone Loke because I like Tone Loke, but even during Wild thing. He just didn't have the gas for it. Montel Jordan was there too once. Yeah, I was there for that. I saw all these some bitches, Dana. I saw Montel

Jordan perform. This is how we F me running sideways do it. It's a catchy tune. He shows you how he does it. And my buddies were dancing there. Nuts off. They loved this is how we do it. Do they do medleys or do they do full songs? Oh, medley. You don't got time. Medley. Yeah, only have ten minutes. We had Sheila E

a couple of times. Oh, cool. Did she sing about the glamorous life? Yeah. Yeah. So Shaq will be the halftime entertainment. Did you know that his very first solo record, also I think from 19 and 93, and I don't think you guys are saying, my God, in 93 we got Barry Word and a solo record from... What a year. What more do you want?

Shack's solo record called Shaq Diesel went platinum. And the record featured... Let me see if you guys can figure out the pattern here. Shack's songwriting pattern, at least back in those days. Josh, the record, featured a song called, I know I got skills. Okay? Second track on the record?

I'm outstanding. That's great. But then the third track was called, I hate to brag. But wait a minute. He already said he's out. He's kind of contradicting himself to track three there. But then the big single, I remember, was called What's Up, Doc Kenwe Rock,

that featured his pals from the Fushnikins. Am I the only one has any memory of this? I think so. Okay. He still makes a record now and again these days. Yeah, he used to hang out with the guys from the Fushnikins. Do you remember if there's any bad words in that? Nope, I don't remember.

All right. I'm not going to risk it. Twins picked up a win in San Francisco last night. She was a three-two final. Yeah. If this means anything to you, and it likely does not, twin starter Taj Bradley, he struck some fools out. He reached 200 Ks on the season.

I think that's impressive. Yeah. I mean, he's going to, he ended up being their best pitcher this year. Yeah, he did. At 12 and 6 and, you know, arguably their most consistent starting pitchers. He's the ninth pitcher in the Biggs to reach 200 strikeouts this. season. His previous career high was 154 strikeouts. Right.

Christ, he piled them up. He's been hurt and ineffective when he was with Tampa. Spotty. But has found his way here. And, you know, think about this next year. They'll have, you know, Joe Ryan back, hopefully healthy. Lopez will be back next year. Yeah, for how long?

This part, well, I know. I'm kidding. Cross your fingers. No, no, I'm all in. I'm all in. Hopefully for a long time. time, you know, you've got Taj Bradley coming back. Decide on what Bailey Ober's role is going to be because he's not been messing around in the bullpen down the stretch here.

But, you know, if they signed Dean Kremmer and keep him. Word. Connor prelip is shown that he can pitch. They've got, you know, Zebby Matthews has shown that he can pitch. So they've got some, they've got some people there that give you some. encouragement for next year. You need to figure out their bullpen situation, quite obviously. Yeah, they're going to have to make some moves in the offseason for that.

They're going to have to figure out some things. That's probably what kept them from being in the wild card chase the entire season. Up next will be the very last road game on the season. Today in San Francisco, around 2.30 this afternoon. And then they come home for the final, final, final. Oh, this is great. A listener by the name of Am Bassett. of rubbish Jesus.

Ambassador of Rubbish Jesus. He has a tone loke story. And it kind of falls into play with my tone loak story. Ambassador of Rubbish Jesus said my boss and I picked up tone loke at the airport so he could stay at my boss's house

and play the following night at Bogarts in Apple Valley. Oh, I love Bogarts. My wife used to work there. I had no way out to see if she was at that show. He played Bogarts, huh? Yeah. That's cool. And I know all about that show, because at the time I was bar gigging at Bogarts. So I would be there, I think, every Friday night for some live local music. Touched was often playing. They're excellent. Unbelievable. Gemini.

I know I'm missing a couple others. Also excellent. So anyway, that Bogart show, Ambassador of Rubbish Jesus, one of my ex-girlfriends was at that show. She went to see Tone. and she got a chance to meet him. And apparently, according to my ex, she walked up the tone low to just get a picture. And he said this, Damn. You look.

Well, I just got started. That was good enough. He said to my ex, damn, you look like my next ex-baby mama. Oh, God. You said something about the Tampa Bay Area. raised. They clinched the American League East last night. Also last night, the Colorado Rockies lost their 100th game of the baseball season. And they are now just a fifth ball club ever to lose 100

games in four straight seasons. That's bad, isn't it? First of all, they play in the toughest division in baseball, arguably, the National League West. But they have just been so bad. I think... With not a lot of hope, right? You know, you don't see like these young players that are going to break them out of that and turn things around. It just doesn't... No, I've talked about this before.

You've got to give their fan base a lot of credit. I mean, they have a really nice ballpark. You know, I've been to it. It's really nice. It's really cool. But they consistently are in the middle of the pack in MLB for attendance every year. and I don't know what they are this year, but I'm willing to bet they're in the middle of a pack again. Well, they're just kind of a carefree crowd out there.

Yeah, they turn out. I just looked at it up, Brad. They finished 18th in attendance, and they average about 27,000 a game. That's pretty good for having three straight 100 loss seasons. It's a different vibe out there. If we had three straight 100 lost seasons here, no one would go. No. In Colorado, they just kind of laid back.

They just, you know, a little couple of beers. The weather is usually pretty nice. out that way. That's the kind of franchise you kind of root for, you know, secretly. Like you want them to do well because if you want to reward their fan base a little bit. So the last team to suck as hard as the Colorado Rockies have in the last four seasons, the last club was the New York Metropolitan's in their expansion season of 1962 through 1965.

They had 100 losses in each of those. That's been a long time. Yeah. And I understand also that if the right or depending on who you ask, wrong things happen in these last three, four ball games for Colorado, this will end up being the fifth straight year where they had the worst team ERA. That's part of the problem is that you pitch in a ballpark where the ball flies everywhere in Colorado. You know, for the Mets to have four consecutive 100 losing game seasons, that makes sense back then because there was really no free agency. There was no, you couldn't build a team fast back then. You had to rely on trades and your farm system. Nowadays, obviously, you can rely on free agency.

And it depends how much money you want to spend and all that kind of stuff. So, I mean, it's a little bit different, but still feels bad. You know, still looks bad. Outdoor weed, Jesus texted in to say that Shaquille O'Neill's debut rap record, Shaq Diesel, is the worst rap album ever created. That's tough to do. There's been some bad ones. Now, this is cold-blooded.

A website called Bleacher Report has gone ahead and selected the worst player for all 30 big league baseball teams this baseball season. Wow. As we wind down the regular schedule, they looked up the stats and the this and the that, and they named each ball club's most piss poor, worthless-ass player. You don't want to be on this list, Randy Shaver. Bradrider.

No. For the twins, you want to guess who they named for the twins? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me, let me just, I got a... If you need a hint, I have a hint. Okay. He is no longer on the roster. Oh. Reap-a-deep, deep, skip,

dang, doom. So he started the season on the roster? Yes. Is he still on the roster? No! Again, I can picture up. I just can't think of the name. I'll give me another hint.

You figure to write this guy's name down on a piece of paper? You're going to have to pack a lunch. A lot of letters. A lot of letters. Oh, a lot of letters. If you were to write it down, you'd start with an S. Oh, gosh. I'm totally lost.

Does you already say the position? No. If you write his name down, it starts with an S and then an I and then an M and then an E and then an O and an N. Do you own this man's jersey? Oh, Simeon Woods Richardson. Simian Woods Richardson. Do I own his jersey? Yeah, I gave you his jersey.

Current player? Simian Woods Richardson? You gave him the jersey? Yeah. No, no, you're mistaken. You gave me even a better gift, though, Dana. Which one did I give you? You gave me a Bungho Park jersey.

Oh, okay, that's one of those ones. Bung. Bunghull Park? Everybody gets those too confused. Yeah, the bunger. The bunger. You have a Simeon-Woods Richardson jersey. I do, yeah.

That's hilarious. Do you want it? I already got a lot of mileage out of that bunger jersey. Yeah, the bunger jersey. I got it for 75% off plus my employee discount at the Twins Pro Shop back when I worked at a radio station as owned by the Poled. So it came out to about, I think it was like $3.89. And you ever spent?

Yeah, you got ripped off. I have a Brett Boone Twins jersey. Oh, that's a rarity. Yep. What do you play, like 12 games? Yep. I'm sorry, Bradruder, are you offering that up? Sure.

I'll take both of those jerseys. Dana, I will. Okay. You've already been generous enough with the bunger. Mm-hmm. And folks will take that the wrong way. Christmas party, I want to say, back in whatever year he came, 2003, 2004, and played about a dozen games with us.

Sure. Twins Christmas party, and they're just giving away, you know, door prizes to the employees, and I drew the Brett Boone jersey, so I've got it hanging in my closet. That's a big get. Dana, whenever you're ready, I'll take that off your... All right, yeah, Simeon's Woods Richardson was named by Bleacher Report as the worst player on the roster this baseball season, and yet he was pretty bad. Some all-timers fell onto this list.

Max Scher was named the worst. Blue Jay. Yeah, he's hurt, though. Salvador Perez was named the worst Kansas City Royal. Yeah. Those guys are Hall of Famers. He does not hit well. Jorge Polanco was named the most terrible New York metropolitan. Hurt the whole season, basically. Now, you got to pay attention to this, and you got to see it.

So I know it's a little difficult for radio. But this was one of the most clever sequences that I've ever seen while watching a televised baseball game. Like I said, you've got to see it to really appreciate it. So apparently, Detroit Tigers play-by-play announcer Jason Benetti has no shortage of deep history references that he can make while calling a ball game. So the other night, the Tigers are playing somebody. Riley Green is up to the plate for the Tigers. And Benetti is talking about Riley Green's OPS while wearing their city connect uniforms. He says

Riley Green's OPS is at 1.663. So here's Riley Green with his 1663 OPS. And when your OPS in any category is the same as the year when the Austro-Turkish war started, you're doing well.

1663. Thanks, Andrew. That's a cut of the year. Now, what you don't see there, that's entertaining in itself. That's pretty funny. Yeah. That the guy compares someone's on base plus slugging percentage to the Austro-Turkish War.

And knowing when it started. 1663. The reason the boy started laughing and the reason Benetti said, that's the cut of the year, is the camera, which was focused on Riley Green, then cut to the seat geek advertising. on the wall of the ballpark, but the cameraman just closed in on the word geek. That clip reminded me of Dennis Miller in the Monday night football team back in the day when he would bring on all those obscure references. Yeah, you'd have to watch with a thesaurus.

Seriously. It's funny you bring that up because I was going to go in the same direction. There are only two people on Earth that I know of that have the same ability to make a reference that obscure. And one of them, of course, you already mentioned, comedian and former Monday Night Football announcer Dennis Miller, and the other is the greatest frontman in the history of rock and roll, David Lee Roth. They both have a knack for making these deep references to people, places, and things

that simply nobody else is aware of. That makes them equal parts fascinating and frustrating. Right. Only Dennis Miller and David Lee Roth are people that I know of they can make a reference like that. That was so funny. That cameraman was perfect. And credit to the person in the booth who's watching all the cameras, you know, and saw

what that camera guy was doing and told him to flip to that camera. Predature the producer in the truck. That's up on 93X.com. Great video. All right. It says here in the 126 year history of the American League and National

League, no big league player has ever led both leagues in RBI's in separate seasons. But it looks like that fathead Pete Alonzo of the Baltimore Orioles is close to changing that. Hmm. I'm a big guy. I'm a big strong guy. So Frank Robinson never did that. No, he did not. Wow. No player has ever led both leagues in RBI's in separate seasons. As of Monday, Pete Alonzo sets at 108 runs. batting in. The next closest guy is Yordane Alvarez of the Houston Astros. He's got 99. Both clubs only have a few games left, so it looks like Pete Alonzo will be the RBI champion in the American League. Yes? These aren't back-to-back though. No, in separate years.

Separate years. Okay. In 20 and 22, Alonzo drove in 131 runs for the New York Mets, which led the NL that season. So there you go. No other player has done that before. Both led the AL and NL in Ribby's in separate season. Of course, you mentioned Frank Robinson. Yeah. He and gambling addict Shohai Otani are the only players to ever win MVP awards in both the American and National League. Bill Garand is going to continue to work for the Pigs. He signed a multi-year contract extension, so he'll keep going as the club's general manager for a while yet. They just recently locked in head coach John Snitsky Heinz to an extension as well. So they got the two guys.

You see the two guys I'm talking about, Radie? Yeah. I don't think that's the signing most fans are waiting for. No, that was kind of the joke. Yeah, people were joking about that. Yeah, they were. They signed themselves, but they didn't sign the guy they, if the fans want. Yeah, Bill Garron.

I'm so curious if this is going to get done before the season starts. we're talking again about weird quinn yeah i'm just it's just such a fascinating thing oh i i i would i would die in fighting that statement this this stopped being fascinating a long time ago no i think it was i think it's fascinating because we all thought it was a foregone conclusion you know when the season ended and the summer began i think we all thought oh this is going to get done he wants to be here. But now it's like, I'm not so sure. I go the other way.

I am so unbelievably burned out on articles about weird Quinn Hughes's contract and that kid from Detroit Larkin, I'm so burned out on both of those subjects that I want to vomit all over myself. I think the Larkin thing's off to the side, though. I think the Quinn Hughes thing is, though. Again, just wake me when it's over.

I think it gets done. I think dirt. But we've been saying that. No, I know. I got nothing, Randy. It's all you. I can't do it. I can't do it anymore.

I know you can't. Fans are losing their minds, though, especially on social media. Michael Russo, who writes for the athletic, one of the best NHL writers in the country, he tweeted something about training camp, and there's a bunch of responses, do not send a single tweet unless it's news about Quinn Hughes signing.

I have notifications set up, they said. and I get excited every time. Stop lighting me down. The Lynx played terribly last night but got whooped. Well, that's not the way I wanted to put that because it doesn't make much sense. The Lynx got beat by Indiana, but when the Portland Fire beat the Golden State Valkyrie

and when Peterborough also lost, that clinched the Lynx as the number one overall seed going into the playoff. And they didn't play their starters. in the second half. Right. They say that they are about ready to get it started in here. However, they may see Indiana come playoff time, too. I think with Indiana winning last night, though,

I did watch a little bit of that game, and I watched a little bit of the halftime stuff. I think if Indiana, by winning, I think that got them out of the eight spot, so I don't think they'll see them in the first round. I don't know. Can we go back to... Indiana in the eight spot.

They're in the five spot. Yeah, but they could have fallen to the eight spot had they lost the last two games. I gotcha. So I think by Indiana winning last night, that eliminated them from being in the eight spot. I was actually thinking semi-finals. Oh, sure. Okay.

Possibly. You want to go back to all-time terrible rap records for a second? A listener wants to know which was worse. Shaquille O'Neal's debut rap record or former Timberwolves Guard, Troy Hudson. Troy Hudson's.

Teahd, right? Is not what he wrapped on there? T-Hud? Troy Hudson's. A stress of our times or what was it called? I have no idea. Is he not still in town coaching a basketball team or something? I think he is. I don't know which one, but I think he is in town yet.

Is he coaching a high school? team? Either a high school team or a prominent club team. I remember the Troy Hudson rap record. The album name was undrafted, and it was under his own record label, which was called Nutty Boys Entertainment. Word. And Boys with a Z.

Oh, it has to be. It has to be. Yeah, I remember that moment in time. Guess how many records he sold in the first week? 11. 78. Hey, that's pretty good. Yeah.

He has been, he was hired in June of this summer, so just recently as an assistant coach at Minnetonka High School. Hmm. The Skippers. Mm-hmm. Who's the head coach there now? Looks like it says Bryce Tesdoll. Okay.

Oh, no, the Tesdolls. Hell of an article here from Bro Bible. Let's see if we can make a run at this. The title is, the most impressive individual athletic performances of all time says here not every great victory comes from a collaborative team effort now and again it's just one swing and d who takes over the game and is the sole reason for their team's victory they say that was certainly the case with some of the most impressive standout efforts in the history of sports i wouldn't want to

have to make this list because if we sat here long enough, we could come up with hundreds of effing examples. Sure. So I don't know how they narrowed it down, but here we eff and go. These are, according to Bro Bible, the top individual performances of all time. Wilk Chamberlain scoring 100 points in one stinking basketball game. Sure, that's an easy one. By the way, I have further statistics on that evening.

Is this for real? Now that I'm reading it a second time. It's for real. He went 36 of 63 from the field. Yes, yes. 63 shots. That's hilarious. And he made 26 of 32 free throws.

That's amazing because he was a terrible free throw shooter. Pardon me. I even sold him short. 28 of 32 free throws. He was a terrible free throw shooter. My glasses are dirty, Josh. I thought it was 26. It was 28.

63 shots, huh? Jesus. Well, and they were all within five feet of baskets. I guess we all know what the game plan was that evening. Clay Thompson scoring 37 points in one quarter of basketball. Yes, that was unbelievable. That is the most points ever scored in a quarter in an NBA game. That was the year 20 and 15.

He was 13 for 13 from the floor, including nine of those shots being three-point baskets. He finished with 52 points. 37 points in one quarter of basketball. That's effing nuts. It is nuts. I mean, if I would have said that to you 30 years ago, you'd just straight up sh yourself. These days it's not, these days it's still ridiculous,

but not as ridiculous because of the three-point shooting abilities. And it's also ridiculous on the opposite side of that. Did they not defend the guy? I don't know. I mean, when the guy's lighting you up, I mean, back in the 80s, they would have just knocked into the. Exactly. In the mid-80s, it would have punched him in his jaw.

Show Hyotani makes this list of the greatest individual performances of all time. Last year's National League Championship Series against the Brewers, he essentially won the deciding game all by himself. He pitched six scoreless innings with 10 strikeouts, and then the prick went up to the plate and hit 3 F& Dongs. Some of this stuff you got to – some of this stuff you got to think back. I remember this because it pissed me off. David Freeze. Oh, World Series. World Series with the St. Louis Cardinals, Game 6 at the 20-11 World Series.

The Cardinals were a strike away from being eliminated by the Texas Rangers. Freeze went yard. Oh, pardon me. No, it was a triple which tied the game. In his next at bat, the game was tied. He hits a walk-off rod to dead center field. That series was just crazy. It was.

And then the Cardinals won game. game seven. Yeah. David Ortiz in the 20 and 13 World Series. He had a 68 batting average, 11 hits, two home runs, on and on from there. Adrian Peterson running for 296 yards in a single football game. Yeah, that was crazy. November of 2007.

He was a rookie. Yeah. 30 carries for 296 yards, which broke the NFL single game. Who was that against? I don't have it in front of me. I think it was the Chargers. The Chargers? Okay.

That record still stands. Yes. 296 yards in one frigging game. He had a massive game at Soldier Field, too. I remember. It was one of those two. The craziest part of that game, if you look at the stats. Adrian Biederson had 43 yards rushing at halftime.

Yeah, it was all this. Ended with 296. Yeah, he broke like three or four loose completely. Michael Phelps, eight gold medals at the 2000-a-8 Olympics with the swimming up and down. Pothead. Pothead? Yeah, he smokes weed.

Yeah, you got in trouble for smoking weed ones. And we also share a birthday, him and I. We get together each year. Remember that like broke the internet for a little bit? I was like, what? So what? He smokes wheat. Yeah, he's 22. Who cares? It doesn't. Randy Schaber here. This one's for you.

Roger Bannister's sub for... Sub before. Yep. On May 6th, 19 and 54, Roger Bannister was the first peckerhead to run a mile in less than four minutes. Yep, for sub four. That was broken many times. The current world record is running a mile in three minutes and 42 seconds. I know.

Think about that. That's crazy. Johnny Mansell makes this list of greatest individual performances of all time. they're citing a game when he was playing for Texas A&M against the University of Alabama in the year 2012. He did this, he did that. Where is it? It was a big upset. Johnny Mansell went 24 for 31 with two touchdowns.

He also carried the ball 92 yards on 18 carries. So would they beat Alabama? Exactly. The Crimson tie. And that's as far as it went with. this article. No mention, again, we can sit here and come up with hundreds of examples of great individual performances. But really honestly, the first time I saw the headline, I expected to see Jack Morris. Oh, sure. Pitching Game 7. I mean, are they nuts at this website? How,

in God's name, do you not include a guy who pitched 10 innings of shutout baseball in game seven of the World Series? Yeah, I agree. Totally agree. But they didn't mention the sum bitch. All right, before we go, Ashley has a problem here. Well, her first problem is she's just another one of those fantasy football dorks. That's so fun. Well, here's the deal.

Here's what Ashley told me, that in her fantasy football league, they've decided on a punishment for the last place, finisher. Did they decide before the season started? It was up in the air and then it became like old fish. Well, because I don't want to be zero and two. Oh. You decide you're going to do a punishment for somebody. Well, you guys know how hip.

No, you're right. How hip it is now to have these colossal, embarrassing, two-week-long fantasy football punishments. Right, right, right. So where Ashley's going with this is, she's upset because her fantasy football league decided on this last place punishment and it's really lame. So stupid. Well, what is it?

It's, so it's based on whoever has the lowest score, like the lowest points at the end. Yep. Randy, yeah, so I'm not like really familiar with the fantasy football talk. That's the only fair way to do it because if you did records, I mean, the records are, sometimes you could have a great week and still lose. So you're saying the least amount of points scored on the season. Yes. All right.

Yes. And so you have to like eat a bunch, I think it's like 20 or 40 chicken nuggets in the, in some sort of time that has to do with like the end of the year score. Like between you and the next runner up, say it's like an 89 point difference, then you have 89 minutes to eat that many chicken nuggets. That's really dumb. It's so dumb because I'm not. Who sits around thinking about these things? And the other choice would have been a lot more fun, I think. You would have to make a video and publish it publicly and go through every week's matchup and explain like what went wrong and why your team stops.

Well, that's also really dumb. It would have been better than the chicken nugget thing. Who are these people that made these decisions? It's my, actually, my husband's brother is the commissioner. Your husband. That explains a lot. your husband is a clever guy. I know.

His brother must be a complete bore. Yeah, my husband got all the cleverness in that situation. So anyway, the reason Ashley brought it up is she's hoping maybe our listing audience. Ooh, by the way, back to a rap record. Someone texted in to say, did Antonio Brown release her record? Yes. It was very good. It was very good.

Okay. Ashley wants to know if our listing audience, the mighty brother and sisterhood, could come up with something. better. We know the creativity of our listening audience. Some of these people should be writing sitcoms or doing stand-up comedy. We've got some very funny, very clever listeners out there. If you can come up with something, send it to 651-551-93-93.

Now, here's the thing, Ashley. Before people make an effort, is there any way if you get a good one, your boring commissioner will consider it? or we don't want to waste anybody's time here. There could be a chance. Well, here's what Ashley. She wrote me a letter and she said that Ashley brought up the idea to her fantasy football dork buddies.

She said, what if we had 93x listeners come up with the punishment? And they responded by saying, F, no, those people are nuts. You know what? When he said that, it made me feel good. I was like, yeah, those are my nuts, people. We got to be able to. I mean, come on. Eating some chicken.

chicken nuggets? What are we in junior high? Yeah. So we've done that before on the show. I think I tried to eat like 20 chicken nuggets and like one break or whatever. It didn't do very well. It didn't go well. It did not go well. I mean, I get it. Someone might vomit, you know, ha ha. I just, I'm disappointed. Also, I'm doing really bad. Really, really bad in this league already. I mean, last week, Randy, I got like 35 points. It's not good. It's not good. It's not good. Like all of... Should have drafted Marshall Fault.

Well, I have Jane. I have Jane and Daniels. That's not helping. Well, yeah, okay, so go ahead. Send in your ideas for Ashley's stupid fantasy football league punishment. I mean, am I kind of burned out on that whole gimmick? Yeah. But we'd like to help our friend out.

I mean, Jesus. I've got one. How about the loser goes to perform a five-minute stand-up routine at an open mic at a comedy club? That's a great idea. That's really good. I love that. Talk about you get some beers. You get everybody in a temple, having a good time.

Yeah. It's not damaging to your body or anything, you know. You're not. Maybe your ego. Next time you tell your, pardon me, not tell your, Ashley, next time you see your brother-in-law, tell him I'm disappointed. I will. I'll let him know. Josh, what are you got?

You're a clever guy. What do we do? Well, I'm sorry. I'm kind of looking through some of these text messages. I don't understand the chicken nugget thing whatsoever. Ashley. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. I mean, a good eating gimmick can be fun, but... Like some of the Waffle House ones we've heard, you know, where you have to, like, you

could stay there all day. Yeah, some of those are pretty clever. I've got a couple of buddies who are disgusting big eaters, and we used to play beer league softball, we'd go to the bar after the game, this bar, Lone Spur. It's no longer a thing, as far as I know. They had the best wings. So we'd have these spur-of-the-moment wing-offs where one guy would eat 53 of them, the other guy would eat 40. It was just repulsive. But that was on a whim just out of nowhere. For this situation, we have all the time in the world to plan something special, right?

Yeah. You got all the time in the world to plan something special. You've got to be able to come up with something better than chicken McNuggets. Thank you. Do you think the eating ones are overplayed? Yes. Okay, so no eating ones. Half the eating things.

Somebody said loser has to quit their current job. Can you imagine? That's huge. No, you got to get fired from your current job. Yeah, do what you can to get fired. You got to do something to get fired. Walk in naked. So, yeah, again, eating challenges are fun when, you know, it's just you had five, six beers and, you know, bingo, let's have an eating challenge.

But when you have time to plan something. Yeah, this texture, this is exactly how I feel, all right? Eating chicken nuggets sounds like a reward. Right. Yeah, that's how I feel, too. No eating. That sounds awesome. to go to McDonald's and get delicious chicken nuggets.

So stop sending in. Josh already made a rule. No eating challenges. We're not doing that. That's been done to death. There's clever ones, but yeah, I think we should try something different. Here's someone texted in and just said butt stuff. Again, reward.

You got to go break up a wedding. Oh, that's fun. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. When the priest says, is there anybody in the audience who objects to this? Yeah. That would be good. The loser has to, here's an idea, the loser has to go to your stupid broadcast in Wisconsin in a couple weeks.

Well, if we're going to do that, I'm in the bottom right now. I'm the biggest loser, so I'll be there anyway. So we've got divorce, get fired from your job. Divorce sounds fun. You know, the sandwich board deal, you know. Oh, I suck a fantasy football. Oh, yeah. You can get like one of those.

car magnets and put that on your car for a week. Yeah, that's fun. Human centipede. Oh, no. Send in your ideas. We'll update you in a couple of days on this. I'm sure we'll find something good. I'm sorry that you're in a fantasy football league, number one.

I'm sorry for that. And number two, I'm sorry you're in a league with these people. I know. All right, there you go. We'll give you a fantasy football opponent. update when we decide on something. Thanks Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. You bet.

Talk to you, Peckerhead soon enough. We'll take a break. We'll come back here in a few minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me.

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Yeah, we're getting it done. I'm not saying it's been good. I'm not saying it's been bad. But we're getting it done. Welcome back to the 93X Half-Ass Morning Show. Let's go back to this fantasy football. football conversation real quick. Let's go back

of this fantasy football jibber-jabber. Ashley was telling us that she's made the mistake of joining a fantasy football league. I'm in two, actually. She's in two of them, she says.

Twice as many as I originally thought. I won last year. She says she won last year. But you're disappointed in the setup so far this. year, the commissioner, who we've now learned has the same level of creativity as a fourth grader, the commissioner has decided because every fantasy football league has to have that dramatic last place finisher punishment. Some of it's brilliant. Oh, there's good ones. This one is not.

Ashley's upset. She says, we've got such a lame punishment for our last place finisher. The commissioner decided that the last place finisher and the second to last place finisher would have some chicken McNugget eating contest. And you were saying you thought that there'd be more. You thought that it would be more dramatic and elaborate, right? Yeah, because we've never done a punishment before. Yeah. And I've been in it for four years now.

So I was like, oh, this is great. Because this group of guys is usually hilarious. Ah, see, I'm going to go ahead and disagree with that. Man, I now don't believe that anymore. Honestly, I think their biggest mistake was not asking my husband what he thinks would be a good idea, because he would have came up with something sadistic. And a few people have taxed in sadistic ones. Oh, yeah.

I don't doubt that your husband could have come up with something fun. I mean, he's got a good sense of humor. Look who he married. Hit the hilarious joke music, Josh. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. So Ashley was saying earlier, if the brother or sisterhood,

our wonderful listening audience, has a better idea for a fantasy football last place punishment, she'd love for you to text in your ideas, 651-551-93-93. We're just getting started with this. We got time, but you want to hear a couple of early entries? Yeah. Okay.

Some listeners have texted in with their ideas for your fantasy football last place, punishment. Print shop Jesus says, Loser has to send me a nude selfie. You know, along those lines, Wolfpack softball Jesus actually said the loser has to perform on amateur night

at deja vu, either clothed or unclothed. Oh, my God. We can maybe make that happen at Ricks with our connection with Ricks Cabaret. One telephone call the Ricks Cabaret. We could set that up. Okay, another listener says loser has to enlist in the armed forces. I don't know if the

Armed forces would want that. He just changed the trajectory of your life forever. One of the people that play that's in the week is a police officer. So he could probably be the only one that would survive that. Loser has to go to therapy. I think anybody that does fantasy football could probably use it. How about this one? I think this lady's trying to get you killed, Ashley.

The loser has to go to a bingo hall and yell bingo after every single ball. You're going to have a 70-year-old woman murder you. Yeah, I don't want to get beach. beat with a cane. Oh, see, I didn't even consider you finishing last. That's all I can think of. Now I better understand that nude selfie joke. I didn't

even consider you finishing last. Yeah, bingo, shouting bingo when you're not supposed to, you'll end up on the sidewalk pretty quickly. All right, loser. This one's very creative, Josh. This is from a listener by the name of, I'll get there. A listener by the name of I dance like Kurt Cousins

Jesus. Loser must confess to a cold case and then beat the charges. Yeah, hopefully you're not a double loser there. Oh, my God. You're not allowed back in the league next year if you don't beat the charges. What about this one from retired Air Force Jesus?

Loser has to catfish their own spouse on social media until either their turn down or the spouse agrees to meet up. Sure, it could ruin lives, but at least you know. Dude, that would be no. That's fascinating right there. Yeah, I would want to risk that one. Keep that one, cubby. Full body waxing has been suggested.

Oh, that would be painful. You know this old one where the loser has to take the ACT until they beat a certain score. Oh, yeah. Luser has to stand on the 35W bridge with a sign that says, I'm a cuck. Hillman Welder Jesus says the person has to legally change their last name to whoever won the league. so you have to take on the winner's last name. You know what? I like that. I've got pretty good odds there then. Why is your husband maybe going to win?

No, because, you know, husband's last name Nelson, his brother's last name is Nelson. And then there's somebody else in the group whose last name is Nelson. Oh, yeah. So you like your odds. Well, you've got to change your name to then Jeff or something. Yeah. What about this from Night at the Museum Jesus? You just join a random foursome and golf 18 holes with an invisible ball. I saw that on social media and that video is hilarious.

Oh, that's happened before. It has, yeah. The video is so funny. That's good. Put it on the list. And you can't explain yourself whatsoever. And the guy who did it, like, you know, he'd, you know, swing and he kind of like look for the ball and then he'd go in his, you know, second shot and stuff. It was very funny to see.

All right. So we're off to a good start. And Ashley, again, you think that these stiffs that you play fantasy football with, you think if we come up with a good one, they'll be flexible. enough to accept it? Yeah. Okay. I mean, other people in your league must have said, hey, that chicken McNugget thing's kind of stupid. Nobody really mentioned it. I think everybody was too afraid to be like, hey, that's dumb. Oh, really? It is not like

ball busting in the league. I thought that's what it mostly was about. That's funny. It's honest, since my brother-in-law runs it, it's mostly just my husband harassing him constantly. That's great. I like Josh's question. Somebody must must have stepped up and said that's stupid, right? It had to have been somebody. And Ashley says, well, no. You're like, that's not...

The hell is a matter with it? And then I was like, well, maybe it's not my place. I was like, I'm not going to... I'm not going to say too much yet. Hogbauer CEO, Sheezer said, loser has to take Mirralax, and then everyone goes to an escape room. I'm a daily user. Hogbauer CEO, Sheezes, yes,

this segment of the Half Fast Morning Show I almost forgot is brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive, 3rd Avenue and Main Street. All right, so we're just getting the ball rolling. Appreciate your text, 651, 551, 93. 93. Should we set a goal that we pick a winner by the end of the week?

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Maybe we could announce it during our talk with Andrew DePaula. We could figure that out. Oh, yeah. 7.30-ish on Friday? That is an absolutely wonderful idea, Josh.

I'm so excited. He might have some good ideas. Are you allowed to be in a fantasy football league if you're playing professionally? Yes, I believe you are, but you just can't exchange money. No money. Okay. All right, there you go. Moving on.

Do you draft yourself, right? I would draft myself. Yeah, definitely. That's how I'm wired. I'm taking myself as a number one pick. Sorry, anyway. Ah, Cubby, regrets. We all got them.

Some say that life is filled with regrets. I have mine. I do. Plenty of those. Cubby told us earlier, you have plenty of them? Too many. Yeah, me too. me too.

Covey told us earlier that today, it's got one of those quirky holidays today, today is Go With Your Gut Day. Now, that has two meetings. It inspires people to listen to their intuition, and it emphasizes prioritizing good digestive health. Oh, shut it. I'm tired of that gut health song and dance. Let me eat, will you? Can I eat?

Can I live my life? Not without good gut health. You got to have good gut health. Most daily choices of mine are based on bowel movements and how to make them happen. So I do. Are you still pretty locked up down there? No, I got to figure it out, but it's because I had to make a bunch of different choices. Man, that sucks.

I'm sorry. Sometimes we go with our gut when we do something regretful. A new poll asked live human beings, what is your biggest regret in life related to? What is your biggest regret in life related to? And here's how people answer the question. Well, first off, 22% of people who fielded the question, they said, I don't have any regrets.

Okay. Must be living life straighter than a Grizzly's D, by God, if you don't have any regrets. Maybe they're thinking, like, super deep. Like, why I don't have any regrets? That could be, or they're narcissists or they're delusional. There's, I guess, a lot of reasons why someone would say they have zero regrets. I find that to be quite an answer.

I have zero regrets. It could be a lot of. I went delusional. And I kind of think that the people in their lives would be able to rattle off a whole bunch of answers they should have come up with. All right, yeah. So 22% of people said, I don't have Dick Tracy for regrets. 15% said their biggest regret is related to a romantic relationship. Who wants to start?

No. Yeah, I'm clean on that one. You have no regrets with any romantic relationship. Yeah, I can think of one right away. I probably should have broken up with my high school boyfriend like 17,000 million times. Did you guys date on and off for like eight years? I mean, he literally... 17,000 million times.

Who are you, Phil Anselmo? And some folks get that joke. Others don't. Like, I've told people stories about him. And then I end it with, yeah, and then we continue to date for three more years. And they're like, what? Did you? Why did you do that?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think, of course, you know, everything happens for a reason or whatever. But, I mean, he was the reason I didn't leave State for college. And I regret that a lot. Oh, yeah. I have regrets. related to romantic relationships, absolutely.

I have regrets that maybe I could have been a better person in a few situations. Oh, here we go. I shouldn't have said anything. Of course. I mean, truthfully, there's a, you know, there's a couple. I'm so silly. We went to, she wanted to go to Cirque de Soleil, right?

And not really my thing, but I thought, you know, might be kind of fun and she wants to do it. But I left at halftime because I had to work the next morning, you know, and she went with me and was pretty disappointed, but I just thought, well, yeah, I got to get up early. You know, I got to go. And I kind of feel like I ruined the night. Jesus, Josh. The level of guilt that cripples you. I still think about that.

You should be in an asylum. You think so? Yes. I feel I'm fine, but I do regret it. There are people who physically abuse their significant other and cheat and mentally. And Josh is like, well, there was the time that I left Cirque de Soleil before it was over. I know. At half time.

The things I'm talking about that have happened to. And my relationships are insane. Now, when you set that up, please don't think I'm comparing that to abusing someone. No, that was strictly for comedic purposes. Yeah, I just want to make sure nobody's thinking. My point is, you have to stop beating yourself up, Josh. Well, I do think about that. In every possible way.

Regrets over romantic relationships. 15% said, 15% gave that answer. And you know what was kind of funny? Not that long ago. You know, my wife, she and I have known. each other now for 37, 38 years, something insane like that.

And we met in high school. This happened, that happened. And we got married three years ago this Saturday, Josh. I know. Congratulations. My wife, just earlier this week, I'd already told this to Nick,

but she's like, you know what we should do? We should see if Nick and his wife want to go to dinner on Saturday. And I said, well, you know, that's their anniversary and I'm going to guess they don't want to spend it with us. Like, I could ask, but I have a feeling that's not going to go over. That's incredible.

just a few days ago, I asked my wife, what do you want to do on an anniversary? And she said, anything but have dinner with Josh and his wife. I knew it. Yeah. This was kind of funny, not that long ago. Again, so my wife and I have known each other for nearly 40 years. And this was a cute gimmick.

My wife sat with me one night, and she ranked all of my ex-girlfriends from the coolest down to the stupidest. Yeah. That's hilarious. Because she's known every one of them. That's so much fun. She's known every single one. So she's like, okay, this one was cool. This one was stupid.

Are you comfortable saying the coolest? I know you probably don't want to say the stupidest. Saying her name out loud? Maybe off air you'll tell me some of this. I think I remember. No, I won't say it out loud. Yeah. That was a dumb question.

Oh, no, I know for sure. Okay. Oh, no, I won't say any names. But my wife for sure, her favorite of all my exes, is my first wife. She was incredible. Yeah. Do you regret not marrying your current wife sooner with how long you've known her?

Because you've been divorced for a very long time? Yes. You do? Yes. I could see that. Yeah. Matter of fact, when we decided to get hitched, I told her, I said, you're the one I should have been with from the get-go.

Yeah, I agree with them. Stop it. I just got the chills. You never say stuff like that. You're going to make me cry. Once in a while, I say stuff like that. That's how you landed. And then I sang her a song.

I sang her a song. Did you know that I sang to her? No way. I don't want to. wait we got to wrap this deal up regrets they can get you by damn they'll keep you up at night so here's the deal folks answered this here survey they did and the question was what's your biggest regret related to here's what we covered already 22% of people said they ain't got a one no regrets 15% of folks said it was

related to a romantic relationship. Here's where we go next. 10% where do we start with this, Josh. 10% said career or work. Where to hell do we start? I'll tell you the number one regret that Josh and I had as far as our career together now, 30 years in the business together, or near there, 27, 28.

We used to say this a lot. I don't know if we still feel this way. we haven't talked about it in a while but our biggest regret for a while was simply this we should have been dicks yeah we might be in a better spot

here's why we say that financially I mean financially is exactly right we have whether you believe it or not we have I think been very accommodating in our career I think the bosses would agree more often than not

we committed ourselves to be team players, flexible when it comes to damn near everything and anything around here to try to be team players and keep the ball rolling. The Dix that we used to work with, see, here's the thing. The Dicks were not team players. Somehow they made more money. Now, that's great. For doing a lot less work. For doing a lot less work. Nobody expected anything. And that's wonderful for them. You should know that the Dicks are gone. The Dicks didn't stay long. so you see where we're at? Yeah.

We kind of regret not being dicks because maybe we'd be rich, but at the same time, I'm glad we weren't dicks because that gave us the opportunity to stay here. And we wouldn't like ourselves very much. I think that it would be kind of... I wouldn't like acting that way.

I think Nick would be fine. But I think, yeah, that would keep you up at night. He'd be fine on his luxury boat on Lake Minataka. Ashley's not lying. I'd be cool if I was considered the dick of the building, and maybe I am. You would not. 8% of people said they regret. Again, the question is, what is your biggest regret in life related to?

8% of people said family relationship. Sure, you punched your dad or something. You can't take that back. Yeah, like probably every woman, I regret how I treated my mom when I was a teenager. I wish I could take a lot of that back. It is weird how that goes. My daughter is such a sweet person, but her and my wife were at each other's throats from the time she was maybe 13 to 16. Now they're very close, but those guys couldn't get along about anything during that time.

My mom is, I consider her like my best friend now, and I don't think it's possible for me to say, I love you enough to make up for those years of just being a terrible, terrible teenager. 7% of people said their biggest regret in life is related to money. Yep, that's me. Make some mistakes. But I think it makes me appreciate things more. Be better about it. 6% of people said their biggest regret in life was related to education.

You know, Josh, if I could do it all over again, I'd get an education. Yeah, me too. 5% of people said children. Sure, I get it. You made a kid. That kid turned out to be a moron and a waste of time. That's just one example that I came up with. Maybe that's, could you guys give me another example of how you would regret children?

I wonder if other... They grew up to, like, do something terrible. That's what I said, yeah. Your kid grew up to be a moron. Yeah, I was going to say, I wonder if other parents feel this way. When, you know, we were deciding, okay, do we want to have another one? I did worry, like, what if they grow up and murder us? Is there a chance that we're putting ourselves or the other kids and change?

Yeah. I mean, I had that thought. You did too? I think it's normal. You're like, what if they're one of those kids that killed their parents? Yeah, we're going to do our absolute best, but I don't want to get, Lizzie Borden all of a sudden. Four percent of people, their biggest regret in life was related to friendships.

Yeah, you hang out with a bunch of losers or something like that. I kind of like hanging out with losers, to be honest with you. You pick the wrong friend. Four percent regretted, something health-related. You know, I got a kick out of this. An old guy that I know, he said if he could do it all over again, he'd change one thing. And, you know, could be anything, right? you know what he said?

He said, I wish I would have taken better care of my teeth. I've heard older people say that before. He said, now that I'm an old guy and I never took care of my teeth, he said the pain and the money that I'm coughing up now to try to get these frigging tombstone straightened out, he said it's miserable. Could have gone in any direction. He went teeth. You know, I got to thank Dental Babe Jesus, who we haven't heard from him a little bit,

who she got me to floss. She was influential in me flossing. I floss. Do you guys know that about me? I'm so proud of you. I did not know this. I floss now. You floss. Before it was twice a year. I'd go into the office and they'd do it for me, but now it's a few times a week. I'm not like a regular flosser,

but outside of just a few times a week. Much better than it used to be. So closing out this conversation, people were asked, what is your biggest regret in life most related to? 8% of people said it's not health, it's not friendships, it's not children, education, money, family relationships,

career, or work, romantic relationships. 8% of people said, I regret something else. You know what that means, right? They murdered somebody. Yep. First thought. They can't even say it out loud. All they can do is define it as something else. They murdered somebody. Yeah, they don't want to incriminate themselves. There's a crime there. Back to that kids one about how people said they regret things having to do with kids. Pro painter, Jesus makes a good point. They said, Well, it could be not having kids. They regret not having kids or they regret not having more kids.

Sure. So you're telling me that that's an option too. There's somebody out there who regrets not having kids? I think there's a decent amount of people, yeah. If I would have started younger, I mean, I come from a big family. I would have had a big family. If I didn't have to carry them, I'd have more. Oh, meaning get pregnant?

Yeah, that's a lot. You guys are wired different. It took a toll. You're wired different. We got to go. We do. Congratulations to Flight. simulator Jesus, he's becoming a journeyman carpenter today.

Happy birthday to Desiree from Desiree. And Poltab Voyer Sheezus, excuse me, happy birthday to you, Poltab Voyer Sheeseses from Happy Capi Sheeses. 93x half-assed morning show. Hey podcast, friends, it's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart.

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