93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Outlaw Kitten

Episode Date: July 16, 2026

Originally Aired July 16, 2026: Veterinarian Doctor Andrea answers pet questions. 75,000 dollar dog sitter. Everything you wanna know about being starfished and naked on a dog food pallet.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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After five days straight and dealing with your shit. I hope you get hit by a bus. Haven't heard that one in a while. Got a request for it yesterday. That's an all-timer around here. All-timer. F-U. All the way until Monday.

Welcome to the 93X-HalfS morning show. Welcome to Jay Cutlerville. Today is our final final. So right away, I'm dumping a big fat Jay Cutler on the day. If you're new around here, when you say Jay Cutler, that means you don't care. So welcome to a little town called. Jay Cutlerville, which is located, Josh, right in the middle of Don't Care County. Yeah, you're the mayor of Jay Cutlerville, especially towards the end of the week.

Isn't it something outside right now? That's bizarre. Oh, it's so weird. It smells so bad. It cannot be good. It feels like walking through a bonfire. I can't. If you work outdoors, good luck to you.

I was outdoors yesterday for maybe 15 minutes, and last night I'm coughing like crazy. My eyes are a while. I mean, I'm a weak, weak person, but that's rough. You feel like you put a full shift in, even though you're outside for 15 minutes. And around 8 o'clock, you could barely see in our neighborhood. I hadn't heard about this. I didn't know this was coming. I mean, we've seen a little bit of this over the years where these wildfires go buckwild,

and it starts the smoke starts to dip down here into the Twin Cities. I didn't watch the weather. I didn't know this was on its way, but over the last 12 hours or so, here in the Twin Cities, anywhere as you go, outdoors. It has the same atmosphere as my late parents living room. There's a layer of smoke hanging in the air that could choke a donkey right now. Like back in the day on a Friday night at my folks place up north, they each have their own personal carton of cigarettes tucked under their arm ready to burn them all.

That's the atmosphere outdoors right now. There's a few people working outdoors who said their bosses are getting them N95 masks to try and protect them a little bit from breathing all this stuff in. Not a bad idea. How about it? How about that? Well, tonight we're all headed out to what's being called the half-ass morning show Summer Bash.

Maybe we better M-95 ourselves, I'm not sure. Got a live show down there at the beautiful new Mystic Lake Amphitheater starring Bush and Creed and a feather called Tim Montana. I'm assuming tickets are still available. If you got nothing else going on, buy a last second ticket. Come on down. Get some. That's what we were told.

The Half-Ass Morning Show Summer Bash. We're all looking forward to seeing the new joint. And some of the areas where you just bring a blanket and sit on some grass somewhere, supposed to be pretty cheap to get in. We hear it's fancy and schmancy. Yeah. Looking forward to seeing the venue. I mean, that's a big part of it for me.

Yeah, me too. Let's checking out their website today. It looks really cool. It's frigging remarkable the number of acts that have signed up to play the new amphitheater at Mystic Lake in the next handful of months. I mean, I've got it right here in front of me. Avenge Sevenfold, The Black Crows. I'm going to dump a bunch of bands here your way.

These are bands that I imagine you know who they are. I'm not the best when it comes to who's who these days. So if there's someone in there that you love that you know is coming to the joint, go ahead and holler it my way. Maybe it's a band I'm not familiar with Hillary Duff. Oh, hubba hubba. That's sweet. Chris Stapleton.

I've heard the name. Yeah, but he's great. He's playing a couple nights in a row. The Goo Goo Goo Dolls, Josh. Sure. Keisha, Keisha? Kesha. No way.

Yeah. Hubba, hubba. Huh? Hubba, hubba. Oh, yeah? I wanted to be her when I was younger. I can see that. You did.

I'll have to look her up. I'm not familiar with. Guns and Roses and Public Enemy. Yep. Together? That's right. That's a hustle. Public Enema.

What movie was that again? I love it. What was the movie again? Kid and play. House party. Haven't seen that one. What the hell's a public anima? That was the late great John Witherspoon playing that character.

Train. They were big for a bit there. Leonard Skinner, foreigner, five-finger death punch. Willie Nelson? No kidding. I'll be damned. Willie Nelson's coming to a... God, or anybody they didn't get?

Mystic Lake Amphitheater, Motley Crew and Tesla. Here's one that the wife and I have taken an interest in, Josh. Toto, Christopher Cross, and the Romantics. That sounds like it would be a good show. Yeah. Oh, I didn't even know this. Oh, Christ, it's the next night. So Wednesday, August 26th is Toto, Christopher Cross, and the Romantics.

The following night is Santana and the by damn legendary Doobie brothers. I've got to try to talk my wife into skipping Toto Christopher Cross and their romantics and instead going to see Santana and the Doobie Brothers. I've seen Santana and the Dubies together before, and they are unbelievable. The Dave Matthews band, Wu Tang! They're actually coming. That's what it says here. It's actually going to happen.

I know I don't have a great track record for advertising future Wu Tang Clan concerts, but I'm reading this right off of a website from Mystic Lake. Iron Maiden and Megadeth. It's crazy. Slayer? The B-52s. Breaking Benjamin? You're right.

Slayer breaking Benjamin. Stained Pit bull. He'll pack him in there. I'll bet there's some hot mamas. Oh, absolutely. Pit bull show. Hot Mamas. That sounds good to me.

I mean, wow. congrats to the folks down there at Mystic Lake Amphitheater. You got them all. You're getting it done. So tonight we'll see you there at the Half-Ass Morning Show Summer Bash. Oh, wow. Extreme's going to be on that Motley Crew Show with Tesla. Oh, here we go.

I've never seen Nuno Betancourt, their guitar player, one of my favorites in person. Really? You ought to get that done. Yeah, I'd never... I mean, Extreme I liked because of Nuno. Wasn't necessarily one of my favorite bands, but his guitar works. is incredible. You ought to get that done for Christ's sake, because at one point or another,

these guys are going to quit or die. Yeah. Although Nuno still looks like he's 25 years old. And obviously, Tesla is incredible. I'm surprised to hear that. I'm surprised to hear that. You hadn't yet to see your guy, Nuno Betancourt, live and in person yet.

He's pretty funny, you know. Motley crew. I'm sorry, I can't hope. When they announced they're going to play the state fair the last time, I remember you laughing at that as well. He thought it was a joke. Come on. Jesus, balls are ready. No, no, it's cool.

I mean, he's just a cool dude all the way around, and so I'll watch some of his videos where he's talking about either his gear or how he plays and stuff. Talking about his gear, huh? Yeah, not that kind of gear. Oh. But I bet that's fantastic. You'd watch that, too. Oh, I'd watch that. He talks about, like, you know, you got to make sure you look cool and have your guitar hang down.

kind of low. Yeah, yeah. That's a part of being a great guitar player, he says. And then he mentions, anytime you see me putting my foot up on one of the stage monitors, you know, the speakers on the stage, that's not me trying to look cool. That's just I'm going to do something very difficult

and I can't play it when the guitar is hanging that low. Needs it elevated a little bit. So he said that's a secret behind anybody you see put their foot up. It's that, boy, this is going to be tough here. So why Tom Arello from Rage Against Machine basically has the thing hanging around his neck? I think. I think so. You wears the thing like a necklace.

I'll tell you what. Well, yeah, you better get yourself over to that program. What is it again? You think that Nuno and Extreme are joining the Tesla Motley Crew thing? Yeah, they're opening up the show. Oh, well, then you can get the hell out of there by 745. Well, I watch Tesla and then maybe take off. We love Tesla. We do. Speaking of that hanging down guitar, you know, I was absolutely honored one day,

years ago to be given a quick guitar lesson by one at Tesla's guitar players. Frankie Hannan. I mean, just one of the nicest cats you'll ever meet and one of the most underrated rock guitarists to ever strap the sum bitch in. I stole a lesson because remember I was filming those when you were kind of doing those promotions? Were you the one who was filming me when I was. Yeah, I was filming all those.

You were filming Frank and I. Yeah, and it was one of those things where I told them, I have no experience doing any of this. And they said, well, we need somebody to film. Some of the lessons you were taken when Best Buy had their own music score. Hell, you were a better choice than anybody else. I don't know. I mean, like I said, it was one of those things where I thought I'm going to screw this up. But it was cool just being the guy behind the camera watching it.

I couldn't believe it. So, yeah, it was all part of a... You had a cool guitar. I do. I got my hands on this terrific Les Paul. You tell me, right? It was a Les Paul? A less paw.

Okay. So anyway, it was all part of a promotion for Best Buy. I was trying to learn guitar. I failed horribly. Cubby helped out by videotaping these sessions, and we'd put them online. And Tesla was coming to town, and somehow we worked it out to where Frank Hannan would give me a guitar lesson. And we would post that video on our website and Best Buy's website. And, you know, we had gotten to know Frank a little bit beforehand, and he's just such a wonderful guy.

and I wanted so badly to not to impress him. I just didn't want to totally let him down by how horrible I was at the guitar because he's Frank Hannon. So there we are standing side by side on stage. We both have a, you know, before their concert, there was no one in the building except for me, Frank, and Cubby. And we're up on the stage. I got my guitar on. He's got his guitar on. And I was going to show him what I'd learned so far.

And I just wanted to, I just wanted not to disappoint. him too badly. And the first thing Frank said was, okay, first off, dummy, you got your guitar hanging around your knees. You're not Jimmy Page, okay? You're an amateur. That's what I would think. He made me reel that strap up to where it was up around my chest like Tom Morello. It does look cooler. I embarrassed myself. He said, you're not Jimmy Page. Don't be having your frigging guitar down by your. There is such a difference. That is a cool look, though. You're right. That is a cool look. Joining us later on this morning will be Dr. Andrea Johnston from

Garerman Animal Hospital. That'll be around 815. She'll take your questions about your beloved house pets. We haven't seen Dr. Andry in a while. We always enjoy talking with her and our listeners always enjoy interacting with Dr. Andrea. I wonder if she'll have anything to say about how this weather or

these events affect our pets. I didn't want our dogs out too long yesterday. Yeah, same here. I didn't know if it would do anything to them. Yeah, go ahead. I'm sure she's got an answer for that one. I was reading something. the other day about a rich family somewhere that's looking to pay someone $75,000 a year to be their living dog companion. That sounds cool.

A lot of money, it seems. It's not a bad gig. No, not at all. Well, I mean, maybe I had to give you the details first before we agree that it's a great gig. I mean, $75,000 sounds nice, but maybe it's a total pain in the ass. I think this family is English or something, so consider that first and foremost. I know I don't want to do it. deal with those people.

Maybe you. I don't mind. You don't mind. Maybe you don't mind. $75,000 a year to be a living dog companion. Okay, what do they say here? It's not just you rolling around on the floor with a dog all day long. Oh, God, you're also responsible for housework.

Okay. So it's almost like now you're a dog whisperer and a... You're a maid that takes care of the... the dog too. And a housekeeper, yeah. You're going to feed, you're going to groom and you're going to keep track of the dog's routine. Get yourself a little checklist. Okay, 7 a.m. Dog took a big deuce. Napped until next deuce. 715, I got it to go outside. You follow the joke? Yeah, right. What happened, Josh? Oh, yeah, 730. Dog took a nap. Okay, you have to attract the dog's routine. monitor its health and behavior.

Oh, Jesus. Keep a daily dog diary. Coordinating with vets and groomers. Yeah, I don't know if I like this gig anymore. Doesn't sound too difficult. Yeah, it's basically just like owning your own dog. Oh, that sounds like a pain in the ass to me. I mean, I don't track my dog's routine.

I don't monitor its health and behavior too closely. You pay enough attention. I don't keep a daily dog diary. I bet the dog diary. is took a dump at this time, ate normally. Okay. Pretty easy. I would hope so.

It sounds like work to me so far, but maybe you guys. I think Ashley's right. This is kind of stuff that most people just do on their own. Yeah. Okay. What's it say here now? Help around the property. Running errands and accepting deliveries.

Light housekeeping, laundry, basic food prep. Now I'm cooking for the family. It still kind of sounds fun. I would like to do this. So this sounds kind of fun. Okay. I like to do all those things. To me, it sounds like I've been scammed already.

Boy, I don't know, 75 grand. Yeah. And you don't have any living expenses? No, you don't. You're right about that. What are the perks here? Yeah, maybe you'll have to, like, go on vacation with them at some point because the dog's going with. I would like that.

Maybe. Maybe so. I'm not so sure about whether. Maybe the dog needs a vacation every now and then. Where did I leave off? You got to keep an eye. on the house when the owners are away. Oh, we were talking about the perks.

Yes, free rent. You get yourself a little house on the property. They've got a big enough chunk of land where you got your own private little house. All your bills are covered. That's nice. I mean, that's just $75 grand. You can do whatever you want with.

I got you. Yeah, I'd take this game. Yeah, definitely. Just to get rid of debt real quick. I'd do it for a year. The rest of the stuff doesn't sound so bad to you, huh? No, not at all. It sounds just like stuff you'd do.

do after work. Yeah, it sounds like I just live there. It seems very, very casual. And you got a little best friend now. Oh, what if the dog hates you, though? Oh, yeah, then you're in trouble. You got to make friends with that dog. You want to keep that job?

Yep. The dog just grits his teeth every time he sees you. Yeah, that would be. That could be a fun little movie, fun kids movie. That does sound like the plot of a kid's movie. Yeah, has Rob Schneider made this movie already or anything? I can't think. Has there been a doggy daycare movie where, oh, my God, just everything goes wrong.

There's literally a movie called Doggy Daycare. There is? I think so. That sounds really familiar. $75,000. Yeah, a 2015 family film, Doggy Daycare. Starring? And it gets it two out of five stars.

Starring who? And it's starring. Never heard of any of these people. Well, give it a shot. It looks cute. Give it a shot. Maybe one of us. Derek Agamang.

Derek Agamang. Emma, Emma Almeida, E.J. Chan. Chazan. Damien Garth Brown. Yeah, you're right. Ivan Joseph. I thought maybe we could find a diamond in the rough, but no. Oh, yeah.

None of these people. Yeah, it's not one I recognize. I know one guy who's a. caretaker. I mean, that's kind of what I know the information that we found here lists this gig as a living dog companion. Okay, $75,000. But it sounds more like a full-on caretaker job. Not only are you dealing with the dog, but you're dealing with deliveries and groceries. So it probably should have been advertised as just a full-on caretaker. I do know one guy who does that for a living and lives on someone's property and is just a full-on caretaker and he seems like a pretty

happy dude he's a very handy individual so that obviously landed him the job my wife did that for a while i mean she we were married so she wasn't living there but she was a personal care attendant for a couple people who needed the help so she would show up in the morning and yeah um both of them were disabled you know so they needed some assistance and she did that she's a A wonderful caregiver. She's a perfect person for the gig. I mean, whatever it is, whatever you got going on. Like if you get grossed out by changing an old person's diaper, that's something she'd do.

She just doesn't bother her. She's just good at taking care of people. My mom used to do that kind of stuff, too. Did she really? Yep. And she tells me some stories. Hers was like a little bit of a different situation, I guess. They were, you know, just disabled.

But then there was also people who had, um, Because there were like old war vets and stuff like that. So people that, their mental game wasn't 100%. So sometimes she'd be in a sketchy situation. But I don't know how those people do what they do. Oh, dude. You know, I've been in a couple of those assisted living joints. Not, they didn't lay me down in there.

I'm headed in that direction. But I'm talking about visiting a couple of these assisted living joints, visiting family members and friends. Owee. Yeah, what those folks bring to the table, they deserve a lot of credit. Sometimes it's just, I mean, the attitude that some of those old-timers have, it ain't nice.

It ain't nice. Some of those old folks, they can't help it. They're just frigging mean as a snake. And those caretaker people, they just take it. I mean, not like to make them sound like total pushovers, but, you know. What are you going to do? It's part of it, I guess. It's part of it.

It's part of it. You have to put up with some of the crap. And I mean that figuratively, not literally, some of those old timers. They're not friendly about it. We're getting a couple of people saying the same thing here. If you've seen the movie Housemade, it'll make you a second guess this job. You saw that right, Dana? Housemade?

Housemade? I thought that's the one with it. You mentioned there's like a lot of nudity or something in it. Oh, is the one of the Man of Safe Fried? That sounds right. Oh, yeah, I did see this movie. Oh, yeah, things got a little weird in that house. Okay.

We're talking about, what are we talking about exactly? People are saying if you've seen the movie Housemade, you'd reconsider having an interest in this particular job. Well, no, but Dana's seen the movie. So, like, what are we talking about? What happens in the movie that would? They lock her in a room. Oh.

Somebody pulls out their own tooth at one point. Oh, it's like a horror movie. Yeah. Oh, I see. I thought that it was some kind of movie about, you know, the general goings-on at a assistant. We're talking about like a full-on horror movie. Oh, I get it. Okay.

Here's a listener who says, 75 grand for that dog, live-in dog companion, a listener says, for 75 grand and free living, I'd let the dog have its way with me. Yeah, I'm sure the people, I shouldn't automatically assume their pricks. It just kind of seems like maybe they would lean that way. Like, what's the point of having a dog? If somebody else is going to do everything for that dog. But at the same time, no expenses whatsoever, except for whatever, you want to spend 75 grand on? Yeah, I don't want to apply for this.

Doing stuff that you probably do anyways if you're a dog owner and you have a family. All right. You've changed my mind. I just, to me, it sounds like kind of a pain in the ass. It sounds like they're asking a little too much to keep up with every detail of this dog's life. And I'm running around doing errands for the family and I'm buying their groceries at times and I'm sweeping their floors and mopping the back. To me, that sounds like a pain in the ass. But I'll trust your judgment coming.

I'm throwing my name in the hat. Well, hey, I'm not suggesting it for other people. I'm just saying for me, I'd give it a shot if I was a young person and, you know, looking for a place to live. You'd friggin go for it. Heck yeah. Oh, well, yeah, I mean, again, Dr. Andrea Johnston's joining us at around 815. Maybe she knows a thing or two about that as well. Full-on 24-hour-a-day, 365 day a year.

Doggy caretakers. Half me running. All right. Randy Shaver will be joining us about 7.30 this morning. Not that there's a hell of a lot to talk about. I watched a little bit of the Espies last night. You did? Just a little bit.

I used to like to watch it. Yeah. The Savannah Bananas, you know, comedy-based baseball team, did like an opening, singing, and dancing number. Was it stupid? Because I saw people ripping it. Yeah. It was? Oh, no, no, no.

I'm sorry. I was saying, yeah, I also saw some people who attacked the bit. To me, it just looked like your typical obnoxious. Cheesy variety show opening. Like it could have been anything. It could have been... It's not that uncommon. No, no.

They came out and they were singing and dancing. I didn't watch it yet, but I saw people thought it was pretty stupid. But nowadays, people think everything's stupid. Right, right. I don't know. Someone said, well, they've embarrassed baseball. Well, if you're taking the Savannah bananas seriously as a baseball team, you're doing it wrong from the get-go.

This is a show. I mean, this isn't... They're called the bananas. Right. Everybody knows what the gimmick. If they came out and were just completely normal, people would be disappointed. It's a gimmick. Right.

Nobody says the Harmon Globetrotters and Bears basketball. No. Don't the bananas do some singing and dancing at their baseball games? Yeah, absolutely. Right. So they came out on a variety show. They did some singing and dancing, and people were upset. I don't get it.

What did you want them to do? They're the savannah. Banana bananas. You got to let it go at one point or another. All right. So we're all set to go here for our final final. When we come back, we'll dump that stupid news report on you. Thanks for joining us here on the program.

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Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Absolutely wonderful. Let me check out the text machine before we dive headlong into the Stupid News report. We were talking earlier about tonight at the Mystic Lake Amphitheater. Gorgeous. We're all looking forward.

To our first trip out there to the Mystic Lake. Ampitheater tonight is our half-ass morning show, Summer Bash, starring Creed, starring Bush, starring a feller called Tim Montana. We're all going to be there having some laughs and joining the show. A couple folks have texted in this morning, Josh, saying today is there Friday also. Nice.

And that's our situation, if I didn't mention it this time around. We're heading out to the show tonight. Tomorrow? Not coming to work. A few folks have texted in saying, today is there Friday because they're going to Rockfest. Kadat, Wisconsin. Do they still host that in Kadat, Wisconsin?

I believe so. Yeah, there was a couple that texted earlier this week. They were leaving like on Tuesday to get ready and just get as drunk as they can even before the shows. Yeah, they do like a VIP stuff on Wednesdays. You got to get as drunk as he can. I made the trip to Rockfest a few times over the years, Josh. So much fun. One particular night.

was extra special. And this has to be, Jesus, 20 years ago. In one night, I believe, in order, Josh, it went rat. Dude, I didn't know they played a rock fest. Oh, dude. That's awesome. In one day, it went rat, twisted sister, scorpions, white snake. And that was with, in a...

That's incredible. It was. I mean, if I close my eyes, it was 1988. Great friggin' venue, had some great laughs at Rockfest. You know, earlier we were talking about how, you know, Mystic Lake Amphitheater has got just everybody that's anybody coming to their venue. Before the summer is out. Guns and Roses. Who do we slayer? Iron Maiden. Motley crude Tesla, Extreme. Who am I missing, Josh? You caught the big ones I can remember. Wu-Tang.

Wu-Tang. Captain Geach and the Shrimshack shooters? Sure. They landed those guys? They did. That's how big of a venue that is. I went and looked up Rock Fest lineup this year. It actually started last night.

They had some kind of a miniature VIP like Ashley was saying. I think Candlebox was there. Their drummer tried to fight me one night. But anyway, that was a long time ago. You could take him. I know I could. Yeah, I was ready for it. I even asked him if you wanted some.

He didn't want any. But that's a long time ago. Rock Fest Tonight Gojira Oh yeah folks like those guys quite a bit

I prevail Machine Head Head Breed Now you know what I get a kick out of personally When I look up these festivals

And the long list of bands I like trying to pick out The tribute bands Some of the most fun I've had

At these huge Rock festivals Is the early Early Acts a lot of them include a great tribute band. Now listen to this, Josh.

I'm just going to go ahead and guess that this is an all-girl mega-death tribute band. They're called the Megabeth Project. Let me look them up. I'm just guessing that that's an all-girl megadeth tribute band, which I bet is outstanding. Looking further tomorrow, Josh, I wish you were going to be there tomorrow

because you'd love to see Limbiscuit. Oh, yeah. Body count. Oh, really? Insane clown posse for the love of Christ. Oh, I-C-P, baby. Tomorrow night. Body count.

Wrestling legends. Right. Now, let me try to pick out, here we go, Josh. Tomorrow night at Rockfest, there's a band called Ozzie Reborn, Queen of the Reich, which you have to go ahead and guess that that's a Queen's Reich tribute band. I'd be bummed if it wasn't. I'd be confused as hell if they were. Who named these guys?

Saturday, the Offspring Hale store. who are just absolutely terrific people, the pretty reckless, Hollywood Undead, Pop Evil. Let me see if I can find, okay, Cowboys from Hell performs Saturday Night. That must be a Pantera. So if you're heading out there, don't snooze on the early bands.

I mean, number one, you might see a really good up-and-coming act that then later on you can be a snob about it and say, oh, hell, yeah, I saw them years ago. But sometimes you can find those terrific tribute bands. I mean, fund her struck, an all-girl ACDC tribute band. I saw them, I don't know how many years ago and was just blown away by their skill set. What do you find out about the Megabeth project? It looks like it, I didn't see a website.

I mean, I did a quick Google search. It looks like at least the lead singer is a female. Okay. So have fun. Everyone who's heading out to Rockfest, I'm envious. I'm too old for that now. Boy, tickets aren't that expensive compared to. I mean, with all you get there, that's crazy.

Have a friggin blast. Some of these bands on the lineup, in the lineup I'm a little afraid of. Here's a band playing tonight called Upon a Burning Body. Yikes. Oh, scary. I bet you I get my ass kicked while they're playing their set. What about Silly Goose? Do you think you're going to handle a silly goose set?

Silly Goose doesn't intimidate me at all. I saw them on the lineup somewhere. What about this one, Josh? I think you and I should stay in the campground when butcher-based. babies is playing. Yeah. I don't want to accidentally walk into the pit there. Let's get into the camper and lock the doors.

Some of these bands intimidate me. The names sound a little scary. Boy, the stage hands are going to be exhausted. Lots of bands. It's a very exciting time of year. How many stages do they have there? Do you know? It's got to be at least two.

When I was there, it was two. But that was a long time ago. In one evening, Josh, again, rat, twisted sister, scorpions, white snake. That is an incredible lineup. Tears in my eyes. How long ago was this? Got to be 20 years ago. So they could probably still bring it.

Oh, like I said, it was 1988 all over again. All right. So everyone have fun out there at Rockfest. And again, if you got nothing going on, come on down to the Mystic Lake amphitheater tonight. We'll have some good times with the Half-Ass Morning Show Summer Bash. Here's a guy texted in, Josh. who said today is his Friday and Monday will be his Sunday.

Really? That's a good setup. It took me a second to figure that out. Yeah, me too. I'm ashamed. That's pretty cool. I'm not entirely sure that I know what he means by all that, but it sounds very exciting. It's good. Today is his Friday. With no question, it's a good thing. Today is his Friday. Monday will be his Sunday.

And we were making mention earlier about how if you're outside or if you look out your window right now, it's just an eerie vibe with all this wildfire smoke creeping its way down into the metro. It's just a really ominous type of a scene outside right now. Interesting, too. I can't deny that. I mean, when the sun went down, there was like this blood red kind of a thing happening because of the smoke. How about a text here from squunky shezes? She's all squunky.

She said she had nasal surgery yesterday. She's not allowed to go outside at all. Oh, I bet that'd be brutal. It's such bad timing. I mean, I'm feeling it. I've been mostly indoors. Yeah, you said you were coughing? Yeah, like my eyes are goofy.

I mean, I was outside yesterday, like I said, well, you know, maybe it was about an hour. Why you got to be so soft? Yeah, I don't know. It's crazy how fast it came on, too. I don't know about you or maybe I was just really oblivious, but I thought like when I left work, Yesterday. It didn't seem like anything was happening. I didn't notice anything. And then I stepped outside a couple hours later in the afternoon. And I was like, what the heck is happening? I'm with you. I didn't watch the weather. I had no idea this was coming. And suddenly, yes, it went

from a normal afternoon to Armageddon. Right. It took me way too long, too. I'm like, standing in the garage, looking around. I'm like, what could that be? Maybe somebody's having a fire and it's just getting out of control. And my husband's like, oh yeah, stuff is on fire up north. Duh. I was like, oh, I'm sorry. You and I were both oblivious. Yep. We were. We were completely oblivious.

Here's a text that just came in, Josh, that says, you're not soft, cubby, your heart is F. Thank you. That made my morning. H-R-R-R-R-D, hoard. All right, let's get going with the stupid news. Friggin' meth rocks. for a very first feature here.

I'm going to go ahead and guess that it was the methamphetamine rocks that led to this disaster. I can't be sure. The sad truth is people are so effing broken these days that sometimes this level of behavior didn't take any drugs or alcohol to set it off. We're just broken. The situation is a 26-year-old. dude, he went completely apesh last week down in Tennessee. He upped and broke into his neighborhood

Walmart. He did. Even though the joint was closed tight, there were still a few Walmart employees milling around in there, cleaning up and whatnot, getting ready for the next day's business. Suddenly they heard a terrific crashing sound. And before they note it, There was an uncorked lunatic running around inside the store like his frigging hair was on fire. There he is, they said, as he went running by. The Walmart workers said this guy was a meth-nato. He was racing up and down the aisles, smashing the piss out of everything in sight. Yeah, that sounds like a meth-nato.

It does. What did they do? They took the call in the police, and here we go, Josh, When the cops found this goofy bastard, he was ass naked laying up on top of a pallet of dog food. I bet that's not too uncomfortable. Legs spread, rod, nuts. It'd sink right into that thing. Just he starfished himself ass naked on top of a pallet of dog food.

It's not fair to Walmart, but it seems like there should always be a meth-natal watch. Things tend to happen at Walmart. What could they do in this situation? No, I mean, every door was locked tight and this lunatic like bashed his way through a window. You know, they're just, it's not their fault. No, they're mopping place. Tough keeps happening. Poor Walmart.

I do. Why us? Why? I agree with you. I feel bad for Walmart because it seems like lunatics are drawn to the joint. And then you have folks who just generally make fun of Walmart just because they become a punching bag. They've become the nickel back of. of retail, the retail world.

Question. Yes, Josh. Now, I heard this from a reliable source. You can just go ahead and ask, you know, you've been here for a long time. You can just go ahead and talk. Well, I don't want to be presumptuous. You are often worried about that. What is your question?

Don't want to be presumptuous. I've heard from a reliable source that sometimes, you know, like a Walmart or something like that, they'll be more likely to report it, which is why you hear it, where there's some retailers that might not call the cops. They don't want a public record. They don't want to freak people out. like I'm scared to come here because I hear stuff. Oh.

It could be. I've heard like certain malls might do that. You could be right. Yeah. This isn't coming from me. I heard it from somebody who would know. Yeah. I've heard that theory before on a much wider scale.

You know, when someone says, wow, the world is so violent these days. Someone will usually combat that by saying, well, no, it actually hasn't changed much. It's just we're more aware of it because, so I don't know. But I have sympathy for Walmart because I enjoy myself. when I go to Walmart. I really do. Maybe somebody can let me know why they get a bad rap. Yeah, maybe someone knows the inside scoop on why does Walmart get its nuts kicked in at every turn. So here's the naked guy laying on top of a pallet of dog food.

He's bashed his way into the Walmart after hours. The employees are wondering what the hell they got to do to catch a break. The cops show up. The cops were able to beat his ass and they tossed a pair of irons on him. He's now setting in jail. He's being charged with the, damn near everything. It's just too much. It's exhausting trying to keep up with characters like that. It's more than I can bear. Let us know if you get any inside information on Walmart.

Yeah, okay. So, people are, Susie Sheez says Google people of Walmart and you'll know. Yeah, right. I mean, it seems like it's some of the customers. You know, I was wondering like why Walmart. Right. And a few people said they have some business practices that are, they don't agree with. I remember that the last time I did cartwheels on air talking about how much I love Walmart, a bunch of people sent me some inside business stuff. I don't know anything about that. All I'm saying is when I go there and I shop for cupcakes and more cupcakes, yard cakes, cakes, I have a good time. That's all I know.

I'm a very simple individual on the subject, or most subjects. I don't know the inside story. Yeah, people are saying, you know, this is according to tax, that maybe the employees aren't treated that well. Okay, I didn't know that. That's not good. They seem to be happy when I'm wandering around. Anyway.

I've heard those managers, though, make a ton. Dude. Like a couple hundred grand a year managing a Walmart. Maybe because you're dealing with the people of Walmart and dudes that are bringing a meth-nato in the store. What does this say? Okay. Here's a listener who says, well, have you ever heard of anyone ass naked starfished on a pallet of dog food anywhere else? I don't know.

Not yet? Well, there was a story of a guy not that long ago, Josh. Wasn't he whacking off at Home Depot? Yeah. I mean, sure. Target's a big place people shoot for. All of those big retail joints get their share of morons. But yeah, it seems like Walmart draws them in somehow.

There's some kind of a, what a telepathic? I don't know. I wonder if part of it has to do with the fact that a lot of Walmart are open 24 hours a day. Oh, are they really? Yeah. That sounds fun. I don't know they're still doing that post-combat. Oh, maybe they're not doing it anymore, but back in my day, I mean, in high school,

we'll go to Walmart at 3 in the morning and we're up to no good. Yeah, that is true. Target keeps the riffrapped away because they close at like 10 or something like that. I don't know if there's any Walmarts currently open 24 hours a day, but boy, you lucky son of a bitch. I never, I never stepped into a Walmart until I was, Jesus, in my 40s. Oh, wow. That does suck. I was probably in my 30s. There weren't any around. Yeah, we had Kmart. We had Kmart. We had Target. We had Kmart. We had Target. I never had a Walmart anywhere near me

until I was in my office. I wish Kmart's were still around. I have a $5 gift card. You have a $5 Kmart gift card. Yeah, I got it when I was younger, when there was still one left. Still hanging on to that thing? Yeah. What do I do with it? I don't know. You never know. Thanks for the knowledge, folks. People are text in. We're curious why Walmart gets a bad rap, and if these are true, there's some pretty good reasons. I'll be down.

Well, I mostly go to Target anyway because it's four minutes closer. This will likely go into the record books as the cutest bank robbery ever, or at least in the state of Maryland. Dude tried to rob a bank with a little keyty in one of his hands. He wasn't weaponizing the keytie. I know recently we had a story of someone weaponizing a... What was it, Josh? The goose.

Someone weaponized a... Or was it a seagull? Anyway. Maybe a seagull, yeah. This wasn't a situation where a animal was being weaponized. This is just a dude who tried to rob a bank with a kitten in one hand. He brought a kitten along for his bank robbery. walked up to the teller, put a gun to the cat's head, and said,

give me all the money or the cat gets it. No. I'm kidding. It was a hell of a deal, though. Let me tell you what happened over there. It all started at a pet shop in town. In walks, Dinkus, and he snatched a kitten smooth out of that terribly sad, adoptable kitten cage that they have over there. I'm not allowed.

I'm not allowed by that cage. You're not allowed? Yeah. Because you can't say no? Yep. Oh, yeah. I cry. It makes everybody feel uncomfortable.

Oh, no. What the hell were my wife and I doing the other day? We went somewhere. We went somewheres. I can't recall, but we were on our way home on Highway 55 going west out of Minneapolis. And if you know that general area in Golden Valley, they got the big humane society there. and I said to my wife, I said, we got nothing else going on. You want to duck into the Humane Society and look at some dogs and cats?

And she said, absolutely not. And I said, why? And she said, because I'll take one of them home. I get a little pang of guilt sometimes when I hang out by the sad kitten cage. I went to the Humane Society once. I think I was like 18, 19. And that's when I read, like, I can't do that. I'm not made to go to those kind of places.

I thought, oh, it'll be nice. Like, you see animals, pet them a little bit, maybe take one for a walk. But no, I was just so depressed for days after that. I wanted to save them all, and you can't. You're not alone. We all get those feelings. It's crushing. I think my wife almost adopts a dog every week.

She'll point one out. She's on some sort of Facebook rescue group for Great Danes or Dobermans or something. You know, a years ago I walked through that Humane's, Society in Golden Valley just for laughs. And it was this fat-ass old dog caged up and looking completely crushed and depressed. Do you know what his name was, Josh? No. Sir Edward.

That's awesome. I was drawn to him because of his name. I like that. And plus he was just so sad. And I said, I tried to talk him out of his depression. It didn't work. and I even asked one of the employees. I said, what's the story here with Sir Edward?

I think I want him. And the gal said, you can't have him. I said, well, why? And she said, it's none of your damn business. Why? Really? And I said, well, wait a minute now. Sir Edward, he looks like, and she said, I'm just kidding.

He's already been adopted. Oh, good. So he was on his way out of there. I said, sir, if you don't mind, me addressing you as simply sir. I said, you're going to be all right, son. That's awesome. Still didn't perk him up. He didn't know what I was saying to me.

Along those same lines, I have a friend who calls herself a foster fail because she thought, I love dogs. I'm going to foster them, you know, before they get adopted. Total nightmare? Ended up catching her on keeping three dogs. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my brother and his ex-wife did that. They had three dogs.

Just got two attached. And then she's like, okay, well, now that I have two dogs, I can go ahead and foster another. It won't happen again. Happens again. Well, happened the third time. Oh, is that right? There are a lot of foster fails out there. Mm-hmm.

We have one of my wife's very good friends is part of a Great Dane rescue. And so my wife has called her her Great Dane dealer instead of a friend at this point. Let me call my dealer. That's awesome. I love that. Because how many Great Dains have you guys had? Over the years? Yeah.

Unfortunately, they don't live super long. Well, we had one. He was huge. And they said he might not last as long as like a normal Great Dane. But he made it 12 years. But most of the ones we've had are seven or eight years. Wow. All right, so here's a guy robbing a bank with a kitten.

Step one, as I told you, he walks into his neighborhood pet shop. He snatches a kitten out of the death cage. And then he runs like the wind. He's gone. The folks at the pet shop didn't even know what the F just hit him. Witnesses said that once Dinkus was out the pet shop with his new kitten partner under his arm, He just kept a running down the street a little ways, and next thing you know, he's gone inside the local bank. All the while, the kitten, I'm sure, is saying to itself, okay, I give up. What are we doing?

Once inside the bank, the dude and the kidnapped kitten walked on up to the bank teller, and this is cute. Dude handed the kitten to the teller and said, can you hang on to this for a minute? Yeah. And while the teller was petting the key, dude wrote a note that said, this is a robbery. Give me all your cash. As far as I know, Dinkist never showed anyone any kind of a weapon unless you count kitten breath. So obviously his little caper produced Dick Tracy. They didn't give him any money at all. The cops walked in.

They dropped the dude with one punch and they caught the kitten before it hit the ground. Can you picture it? It's pretty cool. They hit him in his mouth. The kitten goes up in the air. The cop catches the kitten before he hit. It was all right. But the kitten's having a blast.

It's a fun day out. Yeah. They say the stolen Kiti was pretty happy that everything worked out and they say the kitten, who goes by the very unfortunate name of

Magnolia, she's back at the pet shop still waiting to be adopted. I bet none of her little kitten friends believe her story. Nope. You're lying. What's the like on the outside? Oh, you're not going to believe

this. Yeah, magnolia is the name. You can change that if you adopt her. Because no one's going to want to care for that kitten. They should play off that... With such a silly name. They should play off of this. Like, they should say, like somebody texted in and said that that kitten

is an accessory to armed robbery. Like, they should put that on her little file. Put her a little prison outfit or something? Yeah, she'd be more likely to be scooped up. Yeah, that makes it interesting. An outlaw kitten. Oh, I'd get it. It is true, though, when you get a rescue, sometimes the name of the animal is so stupid.

You have to change. Oh, for Christ's sake. One of our dogs, his name was Rudolph before. Oh, she, I love that. I know. I was like, that's not too bad. So my husband renamed him. This was before I was in the picture,

and renamed him to Bruin, but not off of the hockey team or anything. It was like a call of duty. That's your husband? Yeah. How do you take something so beautiful like a dog named Rudolph and ruin it by naming it brewing? You know, the dog does act like a little deer sometimes. Curls up in like a little deer.

Is your husband coming to the show tonight? No, he's not. Tell him how stupid he is for changing that dog name. I'll let him know. Yeah. How old was Rudolph when he got him? Yeah, I'm calling him. Like four months, five months?

Okay, so it wasn't like he was used to the name? No. Because that'd be even worse. No, yeah, he's like four years old. That's it. I wouldn't change that. I don't like when people do that to older dogs. But yeah, I thought it was a cute name too.

And it fits the dog. It really does. I'm disappointed. Yeah, Josh, I know what you mean. Once we got a dog and a cute little peckerhead and he came with the name Lexington. And I said, yeah, that's not going to happen. For a dog? Yeah.

That's a fancy cat name. I said, that's not going to be the dogs. And the lady who was, you know, the lady who was fostering him said, well, I don't care what you change it to. Yeah, I said, good, because that name sucks. We had one that was called Dulce. What does that mean? Like, is it Dolce Gabana? Yeah.

Was that like the whole litter? Like, I like when they do that, when they, you know, they have a lot of dogs. And so they will do, like, this litter of puppies will be named after fruit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see. They have a theme for all of them. Yeah, that's cute. Text your husband right now and tell them that Bruin is a stupid name.

Okay. That might make them a little sad, but. Dana, you like to text. him insults quite a bit. Yeah, I'll rip his ass right now. Yeah, you do it. What do I do it for? All right, while we're on the topic of animals, if you recall yesterday, we had a bizarre story out of Russia where you can rent a friend, a human being, to come to your cookout, your barbecue. I don't know what the hell's going on over there, but the dudes in Russia must be very sad and lonely. They're having to rent friends for their cookouts. What do we have

here now. In China, in China, you can rent a damn dog. Says right here, this is a controversial dog rental joint. Let's try and find out what the controversy is all about, other than just the bizarre idea of renting your effing dog to a stranger. I would never do that. Maybe that's the controversy right there. I don't know. What's this say now? Wang Fu. That's the name of the joint. Wang Fu is a service that allows folks to rent other people's dogs for an hour or two.

Says here a lot of folks like dogs, but not everyone wants to care for one of those peckerheads 365 days a year. I get that. So now people can go ahead and rent one by the hour. This is like just to pick up chicks, right? Just to pick up chicks. Yeah, like dudes with the new dog at the park. Unless you're really that desperate for just some puppy cuddles? I'm not sure.

Sometimes you need that. The motivation. I'm not sure the motivation exactly, whether it be checks or something. Something else. Wang Fu just busted loose with this idea a few months ago. And it says here, Cubby, they're already filthy, stinking rich. They say people seem to love the gimmick. I suppose maybe if somebody's trying to decide if they want a dog, they just test it out for a little bit.

Have one for the weekend? I suppose. Maybe this is just a... Maybe that's what... I'm trying to think what the other motivation would be. Maybe another than, like, maybe some scary ones. This is their version of fostering, maybe, like you're saying.

They try it out. If they like it. Well, wait a minute. But I guess there's not a rent-to-own option here, so I'm not sure where to take this. Well, just they think maybe a particular breed. Would I like a pit bull? Okay. Maybe I'll spend the weekend with a pit bull or something.

Sure. I'd be so afraid they wouldn't give my dog back. That just is so terrified. I would never be able to do this. Come back traumatized? Yeah. Yeah, I would never rent my dog to anybody because you don't know what the hell these idiots have in mind.

There are some rules involved. That information is all kind of boring. Maybe there's one or two rules here that you might take an interest in. Oh, there's a real-time tracking device involved so you can be aware of the exact area where your dog is being abused by a stranger. I'd be watching from the corner. If you rent your dog out, Ashley, they put a tracking device on it so you know exactly where it's being mistreated.

Chinese folks have split opinions on this rented dog bit. Some say it's just wonderful. Some say that repeated changes in human companions, environments, and daily routines can cause unnecessary emotional stress on the stupid dog. I didn't even think about that part. Yeah, those poor puppies. Also, they say here, Josh, the ethics of renting out your pet for extra beer money has been called into question.

The ethics of it all. You've got to consider the ethics. I'd rent out my son for anybody that's wondering if they ever want to have a teenager. What do you want for them for two hours? You know, maybe just a service. It's like, here, you take them for a couple hours, and do you got any ideas? I'll paint your house. How could we improve this?

Wait a minute. What do you mean? They could just give me some tips. Oh. This is how I'd handle this. By the way, people are texting in saying Dolce, I mean sweet. in Italian. Maybe that's what they were saying with their dog. That's pretty dumb.

Yeah, I didn't like it. It seemed a little fancy. All right. Yeah, I would think if I rent my dog out to somebody, I'm not getting that dog back. Not the same dog. That's for sure. Right. That dog's different. Yeah.

All right, before we get going again, this guy, this effing guy made himself out to me a tremendous jackhole out there in London. this bag of dicks. He went to the jewelry store and thought he could get away with gutting a $46,000 ring. Friggin moron swallowed it. I would be terrified to do that. Yeah, I think I...

It's going to rip something up. Yeah, 100%. Choke and die. It's not how it works. I swallowed it. It's mine. Tear your windpipe apart. Dude walked into a joint called Elegance Jewelers.

Fancy. And there's video this whole bit. He's setting at a table, looking at a ring with, I assume, a jeweler is there as well, helping him out. And the dude made some shady looking motion with his right hand, and don't get cute with that. But he was trying some kind of slight a hand gimmick while he was talking to the jeweler. He made like he was putting the ring back where it belongs, but if you're watching the video, you see the friggin' idiot drop the ring straight into his yapper.

And then he swallowed it. He tried to act normal, and he sucked at that. Soon enough, the jeweler noticed that the ring was missing. The store's staff members confronted the dumb bastard. He denied it. But then the staff told them, look, dumbass, we've got video rolling everywhere in this joint. It's a jewelry store.

We got you already. They said, we got it on video. They called the cops And with no way out at that point The numskulled derelict stood there as an adult And gagged up the ring Like a damn bird hacking up vomit to feed its babies He sat there as a grown man

And hawk Hocked it up, vomited the ring up onto the floor of the jewelry store Delicious I mean I guess at least they didn't have to all circle up And watch the guy into an evidence bag You know what I mean? The store is now using the whole situation to make their ads a little more cute.

They're saying now in their ads, what does it say here? In their ads, they're using this video of the man swallowing the ring, and they're saying he was clearly after the best rings in London. So if you'd like to get yourself an engagement ring, come down to elegance. Just please don't swallow our rings. You like it? $46,000. That's an expensive ring.

$46,000. I don't know how we would assume they wouldn't notice that missing. I mean, don't they usually just show one at a time? I guess it's been a long time since I've... Yeah, I don't know. Well, maybe not. When my oldest, when we were going to get an engagement ring, he was getting ready to propose.

I suppose they threw a bunch out there at once. Yeah, I proposed not too long ago, and there's the same case. There have been other losers who have tried this gimmick. just they up and swallow the ring and try to get away with it. I remember telling this story a while back. Dude walked into a jewelry store, Summers, and said that he was personally shopping for a member of the Orlando Magic basketball team, thinking that the staff would ooh and awe to a level to where he'd go unnoticed.

He'd tossed a pile of... different jewelry into his mouth and ended up gutting nearly a million dollars worth of diamonds. Of course, he didn't get far. Once he was arrested, he was x-rayed, and sure enough, all of these earrings and this and that were seen in his stomach, and the dude had to duke him out into a tin bucket in his effing jail cell. Do you remember how long he held on it? Yeah, it was a while. It was two weeks at least.

He must have been miserable. I mean, there's karma for you. Just hovering over that tin bucket. Come on, big money, no whammies. Two weeks. The cops held him for two weeks waiting for him to go number two. I bet when that gave way, it was a horror show. Oh, I can't even imagine.

Just waiting to hear that clink. You know, it just entered my mind talking about someone duking jewelry into a tin bucket. And I don't know. I'm nuts, but this is what entered my mind. Glitter. You're just looking for the glitter. sifting through the feces looking for the glitter. We got you now, the cop said.

Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Messi, engantzai, and he'll get a grip for Pete's sake? If they didn't do that, would folks be disappointed? Yeah, absolutely. It's about the only thing interesting about soccer is the goal calls. You do look for those every time, right?

Absolutely. You have to try and find one. Not a chance in hell I could sit through an entire soccer. game, but if you play me a highlight reel of goal calls, especially from those announcers who just wet themselves? I mean, yeah, that's fun. The Argentinian soccer team defeated the English team yesterday in that World Cup. So now the Argentinians will face the Los Angeles Dodgers.

There you go. Weird. Yep. In the World Series. Bit of a mismatch, but, you know, you never know. How so? Where's the mismatch? Well, we didn't determine what they're playing yet.

I was just going to ask, is it a combination? Cribbage. Oh boy, my mom would play the heck out of cribbage. She had talented cribbage player? Yeah, she could play. She must be good at arithmetic. I'm good. I'm too dumb for cribbage.

Me too. I got thrown out of the cribbage circle years ago because of my lacking arithmetic skills. Mm-hmm. I had to sit there and go 14, 15, 16, on my fingers, 17, 18. Can you do simple stuff? Yatsi. You like that one? Yotsie is more my speed.

Yes, I got thrown. I used to love to play cribbage. And finally my friend said, you do not have a chair at the table. And I don't blame them because I would have to sit there and go, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I couldn't automatically. It's sad but true.

I miss cribbage. But it's my own fault. I should have paid attention in school. Practice. Get one of those in practice. Interested? It's a great idea, John. You're right.

It's a great idea. I just don't think I could commit myself. I can't even watch. You know, you try to get me to watch these series. Modern Family. You've recommended all these great series. Have you watched Landman? Dude, love it.

One of my favorite shows. I can't even commit myself to a television show, so I don't think I could commit myself to learning basic math again. You know what I mean? You know, if I bring up my mother, I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but sometimes people text in foul, crass things about her. I mean, you only said something about her no more than 30 seconds ago. Right.

And I had thought in my head, well, nobody can do anything. I just mentioned she plays cribbage. What can you possibly do with that? She's pretty good at it. I said she's pretty good. And this text from Jordan says, I could peg your mom in cribbage. Oh, no.

Christ. Damn, dude. I never even thought of that. We'll check in with Randy Shaver at 7.30 and see whatever the hell else is going on. All right? We'll see what the hell is going on. It's our Friday. We got tomorrow off.

Tonight's our big stinking half-ass morning show Summer Bash out there at Mystic Lake Amphitheater. Hope you see a lot of you's over there, huh? You're going to get turnt? Anybody here planning on getting turt? No, it's a heck of a drive. Nick, I shouldn't ask. I'm laying off on the beer for a while. You knew that.

You don't have a sober cab, Ashley? No. I'll drive you home. It's so far. It's like an hour. Appreciate your interest, Josh, and everything. And I bet you would drive every last one of us home. I might as well.

I bet you would drive every last one of us home. Well, I guess I'll have to do it then. Yep. I'll get it done for the program. Somebody get a mop. somebody get a mop because when Cubby gets her done I mean you really do

oh I go for you yeah the tears the sweat yeah I'll be sitting on your lap before Creed plays an encore the lap sitting the compliments I just that's when I can really share my feelings you want to feel good about yourself

get drunk with Josh he will tell you every little thing that he loves about you and you'll walk out of there thinking I am the greatest human being that is ever lived. He'll do wonders for your ego. We've got to take a break. Josh, we'll do his news report through the tears on the sweat. He'll do it next on the program. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable,

and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to BialkiLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-A-L-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-V-V-B. Jim Rome takes on sports. I will always have a complicated relationship with this game, but people evolve. So do sports. Do not make me regret this. Do not make me devolve.

Back to that guy that so many clones wish that I still was. And do not embarrass the entire country. Now, I can go back. I can get there fast. Lose tonight. And you got a real problem. Do not. below it. The Jim Rome show podcast.

You've been warned. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. There's a dushiness to them. The 93 X half-assed morning show. I don't think a woman that lives in a senior community that's going to be 77 years old next month will be driving

around with what this plate has to say. An elderly Florida woman is seeking a fresh license plate. After her current one arrived with a combination of letters and numbers, she says, is a little too spicy for the street, the plate reads SQZ A55. At first glance, it looks like standard DMV alphabet soup, the kind of random road riddle nobody thinks twice about. But swap those fives for S's,

and suddenly the bumper banter gets a bit more bold, squeeze ass. And I didn't know I was getting a plate. And I looked at it and I said, I don't think so. Is that old squeeze ass right there? That squeeze ass. The interpretation has already made the license plate a hot topic in her retirement community, she said, especially among the men. I can handle it if I get a few honks here and there. Actually, being over 70, I might like a few honks. Take it easy.

Yeah. She kind of got horned up towards the end of that. Come on, lady. Pardon the pun. You know what, don't pardon the pun. Screw you. Luckily for the lady, getting new plates won't be too much of a pain in the A-55. What happened?

Office manager for the DMV confirmed that Broward County will replace any license plate deemed offensive at no charge. Say, Lou, do you hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plate, so he went and changed his name to J3L-2404? Yeah, that's a good one. Florida's not the only place where a license play can get a little too much attention. Minnesota has had to pump the brakes on a few creative drivers as well. The state shoots down plenty of personalized plates all the time. Here's a few examples. B-J-F-M-L-F.

All right, you got to take your time on these. Yep. B-J-F-My-L-L-E-I-L-F? I think so. Blow-Job, F-M-L-L-L-L-A-L-L-E. Yeah, I'm not even sure. That F- in the middle kind of screws it up. This will be fun trying to figure these out.

B-U-S-A-N-U-T. Bust-A-M-L-T-O-E. Camel Toe D-E-Z N-U-T-S Heck yeah So these were all turned down Here in the state of Minnesota

Another version of D's nuts D-Z N-U-T-S I'm sorry One more time D-Z-N-U-T-S Oh another version of Yes sorry That still gets me D's nuts

I don't know why I wish I was more mature That's because you live with a kid That's probably it Yeah I love D's nuts jokes G-S-P-O-T Oh G-G spot U-B-T-E-T

P-C-H. You betch? P-I-M-P-P-I-M-P. Now, I like that one. Yeah, that's cool. P-P-P-P-P-P? Yeah, and I'll just read you this last. Okay.

I've never heard it said that way twice like that. I've never heard Pimp, P-P-M-P. Maybe Pimp was taken. Sure. And finally, I'll just read this one. I farted. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, did you?

No. No. No. I have more polite than that. Ashley's in studio. Yeah. I would never happen. Come on now.

I've never taken a. interest in a personalized license plate. Most of them I find to be really stupid. But many, many years ago, I was living in the 478 neighborhood, 478, first three digits of any number in this neighborhood. And I called the phone company and I asked them if they would change my telephone. This is before you had to put in the 612 and the 651 and the 952. I asked the lady at the telephone company if I could change my number to 478F. The F word. I don't know why I had this idea. Josh, I think maybe you gave me this idea. Well, I think I know why, because there's a person we work with who they requested one for themselves.

Is that? I think you're right. And it wasn't a dirty word. It had to do with the station. Yes, we worked with a guy who changed his phone number to reflect this radio station. I don't remember. But just to be obnoxious, I called and I said, can I change my number to 478, the F word? and the lady kindly said, let me look. And she fingered around on her computer for a minute or two, and she said, I'm sorry, it's already taken. That is a bummer. So that was the one time I tried to do something personalized like that, and I was turned down.

That would have been fun. Yeah, it would have been cool. What's your number? Just once I wanted to say, 478F. Didn't get the chance. A little automotive history was made on this day in 1935. Let's see. What automotive history in 1935? The first Ford Mustang.

No, no. Go ahead. On this day, January or July 16th, I went back a little bit there. Oklahoma City installed the nation's first parking meters. Parking meter meter. Yeah. First one's in the country. I'll be dipped. This is the kind of story.

A GPS company could turn into a pretty inappropriate ad campaign. A 34-year-old woman in Florida needed directions Tuesday night, didn't have GPS in her vehicle. So she pulled into a Monroe County Sheriff's Office substation around 1110 p.m. And asked the sergeant for help, and they arrested her for it. It's a helpful place to stop, but a terrible place to stop if deputies already saw your vehicle driving recklessly on the freeway. And you're drunk. And you're drunk with your 11-year-old son in the car with you. Oh, she did everything wrong.

The sheriff's office said the woman appeared intoxicated and failed field sobriety exercises, so the directions she got were not turn left at the light, but more place your hands behind your back. The kid was taken to a children's shelter, then later released to a family member. The drunk was taken to jail and charged with driving under the influence and child neglect. She couldn't go to a gas station or someplace else. Where did she stop by again? The cop shop. The cop shop.

I just wonder how many times my folks took us somewhere when we were kids. I wonder how many times my folks took us someplace when they were legally drunk. Both of them? They both would maybe get behind the wheel. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder how many times that was. A Florida woman's Uber ride went Uber bad after police say she stabbed her friend with scissors

when he told her she's not allowed to drink a beer in the car. No road sodas, huh? Can't do that. It's against their rules. No road sodas. According to the victim, 32-year-old Lynn Zamora had called an Uber to take them to a friend's house Tuesday. Somewhere between pickup and the part where common sense left the vehicle, Zamora decided the ride would be improved with a beer, which suggested she may have already had a little too much tonsil paint before the ride even started. After being told she couldn't drink numerous times, I'm going to drink beer in the Uber was still the hill she chose to stab on.

Oh, my God, girl. She pulled a pair of scissors from her. purse and stabbed her friend twice that's that's that's insane again he was just her friend saying hey they don't let you drink in here right the victim and the driver got out of the car and called 911 leaving the uber ride with one star and two stab wounds so mora was also uh came into the story that is with what professionals may call prior experience with a rap sheet that would include uh probation for battery on a person of age age of 65 or older as well as several other assault and convictions. She sounds like just a natural

born pain in the ass. Even I think seasoned defense attorneys would probably want to drink when they see that rap. This is going to be tough. I'm going to do my best, but man, there's not enough law school to get you out of trouble. Make it a double. No helping some people. No. She was also convicted of tampering with

an electronic monitor. Dang. She likes to have a couple. Today on Netflix, Will Farrell takes on a nine iron, a midlife crisis, several questionable polos in the hawk. I saw a little bit of this this morning because, as you guys know, I wake up to pump, and that takes 30 minutes. So I always put on a little TV show or something.

Like weights? Yeah, exactly. You can swall. Pumping weights for the show. Waking up to pump. But so I'll put something on, and yeah, this was the choice today. And it seems pretty fun. I like it.

Oh, I bet he'll have some funny outfits and this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's wearing some, like, cute leopard print golf pants in the beginning, something like that. Do you think you'll have an outburst at some point about something? I think he already has. Yeah, I was being sarcastic. Yeah, I don't know. Farrow plays Lonnie Hawkins, the world's top golfer in 2004,

now trying to recapture his former glory late in his career. Oh, Josh, I forgot. Oh, my gosh, I completely, I, uh, during the show I watched, he, like, jammed. out to Cisco. The thonged the thongs on. I was like, no way. We got to get him in studio. He was a fun interview.

Will Farrell is 59 today. It's also the exact same plaz Happy Gilmore, too, by the way. Never saw it. It is? Yeah, Happy Gilmore, been out of golf for a number of years. He's trying to get back on the tour. That's what Happy Gilmore II is all about.

They don't like have the hip new guys in there. They do have the hip new guys, yeah. With the late night at Mystic Lake Ampitheater for Bush and Creed this evening. Today's our Friday. Friday. So here's an early look at what this weekend brings to Blockbuster releases, and it's just one movie. Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey sets course for theaters near you. After the Trojan War, Odysseus

embarks on a perilous journey to his home in Ithaca, encountering one big-ass cyclops, some seductive sirens, and that hornedog calypso along the way. I saw the ads for this one. Matt Damon looks like an old man. Yeah, I suppose he's getting there. He looks like an old man. After scoring their third number one album with 22's scoring the end of the world, motionless and white returns with their highly anticipated seventh studio album, Decades.

The record closes with a cover of Corey Hart's sunglasses at night. Oh, yeah. And features three number one hits already. Shoulda went with Never Surrender. I like that song. Shoulda went with Never Surrender. Their hits include playing God with guest vocals from Corey Taylor of Slipknot and Stone's Hour. For more new music every week, check out the notable new releases posts on Fridays on 93X.com,

or you can also find it, True Story, at Hogbauer Automotive.com, your weekly shortcut to the latest in listening, and you can follow our playlist on Spotify. If you're going to cover a Canadian act, should have covered triumph. I'm with you on that. Yeah, there's plenty of great Canadian. and Axe, triumph being one of those. Join Ride for the Joe's this Saturday at the Lionel Lakes American Legion. This year's ride honors officer Ben Smith, who tragically passed last year.

Ben proudly served his country as a U.S. Marine, then continued serving his community as a corrections officer in Oak Park Heights and later as a police officer for Barron County. The event will feature live music, food vendors, drinks, raffles, and more, all while supporting a great cause and honoring a true local hero. Registration begins at 9.30 a.m. at the Lionel Lakes American Legion with kickstands up at 11. I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there to support the cause and maybe ride spider if somebody will let me get on their hog by that and me motorcycle. Hanging out over there, huh? Yeah. Hang out. I got a couple buddies doing that and so I'll be there. It's a really good cause.

Congratulations to Sleeps with Hot Sauce Jesus. 100 days sober today, which is the first time he says, He's been completely sober in 23 years. Wow. So good for you on that milestone. 100 days. 100 days, he said. And happy birthday to sexy solder. Soder?

She, Jesus. I think I probably typed that wrong in my apologies. From world's most okay. Solder? Jesus. S-O-L-D-E-R? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that before on our text machine.

I'm not sure what to make of it. Oh, so I did type it correctly? I don't know what to make of it. Okay. I was doing it too fast. Solder? Sold, like, is it solder, like soldering iron? Are they misspelling soldier?

Yeah, I don't know. What are you doing over there, these people? I hate myself that I didn't realize it at the time. Text us back. What are you talking about? Please, and I apologize. I can't believe Dana screwed that up. And that's 93X News.

Way to go, Danny. You screwed that up. I did not. Put that one on my shoulders. That was Dana, not me. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. I play a fantasy as well.

and like I had Joe on my bench. All right. I don't like Joe Flacco's family. I think it's kind of funny. He seems to think it's funny. I don't like his family very much. Hey, Randy Shaver, how are you? I'm good.

How are you? We're doing our, let me tell you what we're talking about here with Joe Flacko's family. What you heard there was some audio from an old episode of what's that football program again on... Quarterback. The quarterbacks? No, just playing quarterback.

From a year ago or so, Joe Flacco was featured now a Cincinnati Bengal quarterback, I think, Joe Flacco. Has he hit 40 years old yet? He's got to be 40. Got to be close. I would even think maybe he's 41 too at this point,

but we'll find out. 41. 41. Last year he was featured on the show, the quarterbacks, and there was a lot of video of his family. Wife, got a couple of young boys, I think. What you heard there, his wife and kids are sitting in the stands,

watching him play for Cleveland a year or two ago. And one of his kids mentions that if dad, Joe, has a good day on the field, they're right there at the ballpark watching dad play in the NFL. And the kid says, if dad has a good day today, it's going to F my fantasy football team. Because he benched him. Because he did not have his own dad starting that day. And then you heard audio of mom. I think she admitted that she also plays fantasy football

and also had Joe benched that day. Oh, boy. They seem a little ungrateful and rude to the man. Well, in the family's defense, it's not like he was putting out lights out fantasy numbers. I'm sure they had a better quarterback on their roster. It's funny that the kid's cheering against his dad's off. It's your damn dad.

Just for fantasy football. You start your dad. All the sacrifices that dads and moms make for you as a child. Well, I can't really speak to that, but maybe you folks can. All the sacrifices your parents make for you. If they end up in the NFL, by God, Cubby, you start them. It seems like the nice thing to do. I mean, they brought you into this world.

The least you can do is start them as your fantasy football quarterback. What those good vibes out there. That's right. And this isn't the first video. Maybe it's all a bit. Maybe they're looking for a sitcom. It could be. And if that's true, they're very good at it.

Because this isn't the first video where Joe Flacko's kids just seem to think that He is the worst loser quarterback that's ever lived. They roll their eyes whenever he says anything positive about his career. Maybe it's a comedy bit. It could be. I mean, although it's been fun, we've been lucky enough over the years to talk to some big stars, and most of them say their kids have zero respect for them.

They don't appreciate what they do. It's just mom or dad. They don't care. I'm not impressed. I'm trying to recall. I thought Zachie had a couple of stories about, Oh, maybe his kids favoring some other member of the Pigs roster back when he was. Kyle Rudolph mentioned that a couple times.

Sure. There you go. Well, and Zach is coaching his kids, and so that's a whole other level of, it can be a whole other level of disrespect too. Oh, yeah, he said his kids don't listen to him on the ice. Exactly. That could be a whole other level. What about you when you were coaching your boys, Randy?

Did they follow your orders? pretty much. Yeah, pretty much. Out on the court. Yeah. So there you go. Joe Flacco will be a backup quarterback this year, I believe, for the Cincinnati Bengals backing up that kid. Joe Burrow.

Joe Burrow. Yeah. A couple of Joe's. Still, what's he raking in? Still, making $6 million a year or something. It's pretty sweet. He's doing okay. Not bad for holding the clipboard.

God dang. And, yeah, I mean, and he's. done so much more than that, really. It seems like everywhere Joe Flacco goes, he ends up being the starter. I'm trying to think of Randy Shaver, who are some of those backup quarterbacks that we grew up watching, where really honestly, all they did their entire freaking career was hold that clipboard. Because back in the 70s and 80s, that starting quarterback was your starting quarterback until the some bitch dropped dead. You know what I mean? Pretty much. In fact, I don't even recall backup quarterbacks.

Like when my favorite player, Fran Targinton, was playing, I couldn't tell you his backup. Was it maybe Bob Lee? Well, probably in Bob Lee, then later went to Atlanta and became a starter with the Falcons. It's tough to come up with this.

Yeah, because it's hard. The game is so different now in so many ways, but in this aspect, nowadays, if you're starting quarterback, Of course, you guys are all very familiar with this. Your starting quarterback struggles a little bit. Get his ass out of there. Bring in the next guy.

And if that guy struggles, hell, bring in another guy. But in the 70s and 80s, your starting quarterback, he kept that gig until the dude could no longer carry himself off the field. So there were so many guys, that's where that clipboard joke started, because there were a lot of guys who only did their whole career. They just took stats. I've got one for you. It seemed like this guy was a backup in Chicago forever.

Was his name Vince Evans? Look him up. Sounds familiar. Vince Evans. I swear to God he held a clipboard on the sideline for Chicago his whole career. Maybe he got one or two starts. And then he went and did it in Oakland, too. Anyway, there you go.

You're right about Bob Lee. Bob Lee. I'm trying to read here. Norm Sneed was another backup. Now that's an athlete's name right there. name. Norm Steed. Norm Sneed.

Tommy Kramer was his backup after he was drafted in 1977. Sure. Another one that comes to mind, although he did get his moments, but I swear to God, I mean, the majority of his career, he just kind of stood there on the sideline, and that was Don Strock. Don Strach was with the Miami Dolphins when Bob Greasy was there. He was with the Miami Dolphins when Dan Marino was there. What a gig.

Is it State Farm that does those backup quarterback commercials? These are pretty funny. I don't know if I've watched one. We're like one guy's trying to drive a trailer and then they throw a backup quarterback in to help them out. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like people doing normal stuff and then they can't figure it out. Like one guy was going to talk to his son about the birds and the bees.

They bring it a backup. So I'm looking up the greatest backup quarterbacks of all time. Oh, that's beautiful. Steve Young is number one. Went on Joe Montana. So do they mean backups who went on to a wonderful career? Yep. Okay.

Steve Young, Aaron Rogers. Sure. He backed up Brett. Earl Morrill, who won a Super Bowl. Right. With the Baltimore Colts. Tobin wrote. Doesn't ring a bell at all.

He backed up Bart Starr. Oh, that's going way back. Okay. Tobin wrote. Yeah. Craig Morton, who of course was a Super Bowl champion. He recently died, didn't he? Craig Morton.

I think so. He backed up Roger Staubach. Right. Frank Reich. You mentioned him. Oh, no. I did not mention Frank Reich. Oh, I thought you did.

No. Frank Reich. Yeah. Who backed up Jim Kelly. Yep. And then Mark Bulger. Oh, sure. Left-hander, wasn't he?

Backed up Kurt Warner. I'm not sure if he was left-handed, but. Oh, who was the big Mark left-handed quarterback? Yeah, I know who you're talking about. For Jacksonville. Yeah. Mark Brunel. Brunel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listers are texted in. Steve Burline. Absolutely. He was like... And Josh should know the most handsome backup quarterback of all time.

Give it to him, Cuppie. Is it Jimmy Garapolo? Of course. He's the best-looking person that's ever lived. Man, woman, anything in between? I love that stuff. I love talking about those players like that.

Progressive is who does those backup commercials. Thank you, Lost Prevention, Jesus. I'm going to try to punch something up here, Randy. I'm sorry. I know this sucks. on air and I'm terrible with the computer. I'm trying to look up backup quarterbacks from

the 70s and 80s. Who knows if there's an article that would match up? There's got to be some sports blog. Because those guys really did. They had the perfect gig. The perfect gig. Guys like Steve Dill with the Vikings. Sure. Guys like that, yeah.

Oh, wow. Okay, I did find a list here. Oh, Steve Dills is on the list. Matt Kavanaugh. Oh, sure. Well, this is more of like a blog, so it's tough to come up with. Maybe I can come up with a better list a little bit later on.

Because we are, as I mentioned, as I've mentioned a couple times this week, a lot of the material we have here for you is just kind of fill in a void. A lot of websites are just trying to fill the dead time. As, you know, when the Major League Baseball plays their All-Star game, there's not a lot going on. The Espies are a bit of a void filler, right? That's there. Yep. That's kind of their role. I did spend some time watching the espies last night. And I know there's probably very few people who think of an SP award as something special. But here are some of the winners last night. Okay, Randy Schaber. Best championship performance, Jalen Brunson, New York Knicks. Best athlete in a men's sport. Jalen Brunson, New York Knicks. Best NBA player, Jalen Brunson. Best play of the year in the NBA, OG Ananoby, New York Knicks.

Best team of the year, New York Knicks. They got their recognition on the Espy's last night. Well, that's good. Yeah. Much deserved. And WWE has a show on Saturday at Madsen Square Garden and Jalen Brunson's scheduled to be there. What? Geez.

He's everywhere. He's a busy man. You mean in the squared circle? Yes. His schedule appears Roman Raines, I believe. This is, what's the event? Saturday night main event. Saturday night's main event.

Well, you know, sometimes when those quote-unquote real athletes get in the ring, it can be just wonderful. Sometimes it can be a total disaster. I guess we'll see. I don't remember Lawrence Taylor's array of moves at WrestleMania 10 being all that impressive. I don't recall. Who?

Lawrence Taylor? Oh, yeah, right. Lawrence Taylor. Jesus. All right. Who else won some awards last night at the ESPs? The Knicks got their recognition. Best college athlete in men's sports.

Fernando Mendoza. the University of Indiana quarterback. The Jimmy V Award for Perseverance was given to Jim Abbott. Oh, that's cool. The one-handed pitcher. Yeah. 90s. Yankees, California Angels.

Yeah. Credible story. I've yet to watch his documentary. There's a documentary about his life. Yep. Credible story. Even through a no-hitter once. in his big league.

He was a real front line, top of the line, left-hander for a long time in Major League Baseball. You know, I don't remember what was it, how did he lose, or what happened to his hand? I think he's a kid. Was it an accident when he was a kid? Yeah, I don't recall. Okay, I would know this if I watched a documentary and it's out there, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

Maybe you can find that. Oh, he's born without it right. hand. He was born without it. It wasn't a terrible motorcycle crash or something. No, for some reason I thought he got a caught in a wood chipper or something. The Pat Tillman Award for Service given out last night at the Espies. Now here's someone I need to look up also. Someone by the name of Scott Ruskin, a U.S. Coast Guard rescue swimmer. That's a tough job.

I would like to see. Yeah, they must be incredible. I would like to see what that's all about to be a U.S. Coast Guard Rescue. Josh, you know my buddy Squirrel from the Wise Ed Allegiant. I love Squirrel. When he was in the service, he was a U.S. Coast Guard

rescue swimmer. Was he really? Oh, wait a minute. No, he was a cook. Sorry. Oh. I would like to learn more about a U.S. Coast Guard rescue swimmer. I would like to watch that documentary on the same night, maybe if I have the time to watch the Jim Abbott documentary.

Are those the guys that jump into the water to hold on to people so that they can hook them up to be lifted up out of the water. Must be. I'd imagine so. Yeah. Must be. Have you ever seen one of those where they're gets caught up in the rotor wash or something? They're spinning around like crazy?

No. Watch a couple of those videos. It's insane how fast they can go. How does it work? What happens? So when they're pulling up the stretcher or whatever they're on. And it just starts spinning because of the helicopter. Oh, I see.

You get that kind of the wind. Yeah. new guys in the corner puking his guts out about at that point. Just watching that, it'll get you. Wow, I guess at one point he rescued 165 kids. All at once? Yes, that's right. It says here this Scott Ruskin.

Oh, the flash floods, that's right. His story, he saved 165 kids during the Texas floods. Okay, I'm not familiar with the story, but holy balls. Best NFL player last night went to Cam Newton, I mean Miles Garrett. Best baseball player. Take a freaking guess. Go high. Shady bastard.

Best NHL player, Conrad, McDavid, this and that. The Espeas. Are you intentionally not mentioning who won the Humanitarian Award? I'm not familiar. Stefan and Aisha Curry won the Humanitarian Award. Well, that must mean that they've done wonderful things. Yeah, they have.

I can't stand to see the some bitch on a basketball court, but I'm imagining off the court. He's quite a charitable guy. Something called the Eat, Learn Play Foundation. Those all sound like great things. Not the learning part No, that sucks for nerds

I just want to eat and play I'm obsessed now with backup quarterbacks I mean I'm not finding exactly what I'm looking for I'm looking for the guys that really honestly were on the bench their entire career holding a clipboard almost all of the guys I'm about to tell you about had their shot but another list of great backup quarterbacks

Ryan Fitzpatrick Doug Flutie yeah all of these guys had their crack. Hey, what happened? We had some flutty flakes floating around here one year. Somebody must have took them home. Did you take them home? I ate him and then I pooped them out. Oh, did you take them? Yeah, we had a box of flutty flakes. What was that the second part again? I ate them. No, the second part. Took them home is the first part. Oh, okay. Second part was I ate

them. Oh, I don't know what the hell. What are you listening to over there? I don't remember that, Josh. I'm making that up. I don't remember. We had a box of flutty flakes. Somebody brought in or sent us a box of Flutty flakes. I think my wife had a huge crush on Doug Flutty. Did she really? Yeah, maybe she's awake and can text me. I thought she was a, I thought she would watch Doug Flutie play football and feel funny about it. We're getting a lot of texts on a movie about Coast Guard rescue swimmers. Yeah. And they're saying The Guardian is what it's called. Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner. And Ashton Coutcher, I believe. I think that's correct. I have to tell you that I tried that movie for about a half hour,

and Ashton Coutcher's lack of acting skills made me turn it off. Oh, okay. I'm sorry for those of you who love the movie, but I couldn't do the Doug Williams as far as backup. Jeff Hoss Stettler. Oh, yeah. The Hoss. Made a living.

He won a Super Bowl with the New York Giants, and he sucked. He did. He was terrible, but he won a Super Bowl. He was good enough on that day. Yeah, he was a backup. I remember the Raiders gave him a chance as a starter, and they realized that he was meant to be a backup. Ted Bridgewater, Charlie Batch, Charlie Batch.

Matt Castle, former Viking. Zeke Bratowski, Randy Schaever. Oh, that's Green Bay Packers. Wow. That was Bart Starr's backup. Oh, was it? Okay. Yeah, Zeke Prakowski. We had a Zeke that worked here, didn't we?

I think right when I first started, there was a Zee. I don't remember the Flutie Flakes, and I don't remember Zeke. Yeah, I think when I first started, there was a Zik. Really? You got a good memory, though, because you're never a big drinker. Yeah. Barely touch it. Here's another all-time backup quarterback who also started for the Vikings. The Vikings have given almost everyone an opportunity at this point in the history of their ball club. Bobby Brister.

Oh, gosh. Pittsburgh Steelers. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Gary Danielson. Mm-hmm. All right, what else is going on?

Speaking of fill in the void. Oh, we got golf. today. Tell me about golf. Can't believe I just said that. The British Open is underway. Scotty Todd early. Yeah, they teed off at like 1230 this morning.

Of course, the time difference. Yeah, Scotty. What is special about the British Open other than it's happening in British? It's the final major of the year in professional golf. And of course, it's called

the Open, but it's the British open and it rotates around I think seven or eight different golf courses in Britain so this year it's at Royal Birkdale which is

pretty tough golf course but it's underway final major of the year I'm all over that yeah I'm all over it too I've got fantasy golf players so I'm checking all the scores this morning

you know if it wasn't for fantasy sports would you just watch sitcom You know, you're probably right. Because you covered sports for so long, I would imagine if there was no such thing as fantasy sports, there was no money to be made on it, there was no competition amongst friends and whatnot. I imagine you would just watch old episodes of Roseanne. I might and just kind of shrink up and disappear. Hey, insomniac, Jesus, shrink up and disappear.

Fare well. Pretty much, yeah. Check in on you from time to time. Time to time. Shave her out. Randy. Fading off into the. Insomniac Jesus says to Josh and Randy Shaver,

you got the wrong guy when it comes to most handsome backup quarterback ever. They say, F your guy Jimmy Garapolo. You got to be a little older to understand the joke. Insomniac Jesus says, hands down the most handsome backup, Mark Malone. Oh, my God. Backed up Terry Bradshaw. He had a wicked mustache. He did have a great mustache.

Tom Selleck. He didn't look a little bit. Yeah, he wasn't a bad-looking guy. Do you think he was bad-looking? I've just said, the mustache ruins it. He had such a terrible mustache his whole life. Speaking of Phil in the Void, probably not going to thrill anybody here,

but the Bro Bible people put together a list of the greatest athlete nicknames. It's nothing you haven't heard a million times, although some of it's a little misleading. Okay, so you got the great one, Wayne Gretzky. Here's the one that threw me right away. They say the second greatest athlete nickname ever is the God. great Bambino? I never remember anyone. I have no memory. I have no memory of anyone

referring to Babe Ruth as the great Bambino. I remember just the Bambino. Yeah, I've seen it both ways. Okay. Mr. October, the big eunuch, the round mounter rebound, blah, blah, blah, you go on and on. Where are some others here that grabbed me? I never heard this one. Ryan Braun, who was at one point or another a terrific hitter for the Milwaukee Brewers. Yep. Then he embarrassed himself with that herpes story. Oh, yeah. That got uncomfortable.

I never once heard him called the Hebrew Hammer. Never heard that. No. That herpes deal was embarrassing, though. If I'm not mistaken, he tested positive for some PEDs. And he said, well, yeah. I think he said, yeah, I'm on that stuff, but it's not to make me a better athlete. It's because I have herpes.

Yeah. Was that how it played out? I think so. I think you're right. Holy balls. That's embarrassing. And also, didn't he open his yapper to the media? I think at one point or another, he might have said, hey, look, I'm innocent.

If I test positive, I think he said to a reporter, I'll give you my next year's salary. Something like that. And the reporter said, you got a deal. And then the some bitch tested positive. And then that reporter busted his chops by saying, hey, man, anytime you want to send me, you want to send me that check for you? And I think he just ghosted the guy.

Dana, if you don't mind, can you check that? Yeah, I'm looking at all. That's what I remember about Ryan Braun. Can you imagine being that reporter? He's already swimming pool shopping, I'd imagine. Dude, yeah. You got your air, Jordan, the bus, the minister of defense, the big hurt, the black Mamba, the dream.

They even included a couple of the wrestlers. Stone Cold, the heartbreak kid. Sure. The crime dog, the refrigerator pistol, Pete. Oh, here's one I wanted to pick on. No way that this should be on a list of the greatest athlete nicknames. I always thought this was one of the worst. Alan Iverson, the answer.

I thought that was so dumb. That's not that cool. It's dumb. And I remember the explanation was something like, well, if you have a question, he's got the answer. I'm like, what? Terrible. I never like Black Mamba because Kobe gave that nickname to himself.

He just started to refer into himself as the Black Mamba. I understand that. And his quote, Mamba mentality. I understand that. Usually, if someone gives themselves a nickname, I'm going to roll my eyes. It's like in Seinfeld when George tries to get everybody to call him T-bone. George is such a T-bone. T-bone.

Yeah. He never, I think. think the premise was he never had a nickname and he really wanted one, so he's pushing T-bone on people to try to get them to start calling him T-bone. That's pretty cool. He hate me makes the list. Yeah, I never understood that one. It was dumb.

I thought it was funny because how stupid it was, and the guy had kind of a fun personality. Yeah, Rod Smart. Was that his real name? Yeah. I thought that was, what? I never really got involved in that one. The walrus, Randy. Craig Stadler.

Yeah, speaking of golf. And they even had the balls to include the juice in here. They put OJ on the list. Unlike the Buffalo Bills are trying to erase them. The Leacher Report's still going with it? They're embracing. I didn't like this. For those who are wondering why he's nicknamed the walrus,

he looked like a walrus. Yeah, take a look at Craig Stadler. Fair enough. He looked like that cartoon walrus that would show up on Looney Tunes once in a while. Yeah, exactly. He did. Is he exact? Powdered Toast Man

Did not make the list But God I loved Jim Tomey Gaining that nickname Did you see that his son was drafted by the White Sox? Yeah, that's awesome. Cool. I did. That's pretty cool.

Because by all accounts, Jim Tomey's a good guy and we hope good things for him. Pretty cool that his kid got drafted. People are texting in their favorite athlete nicknames and a lot of your favorites didn't make the list like the Admiral for David Robinson and others like that.

The Wizzinator, did that make it? No. Here's another one that bothered me. Here's another one that bothered me. Like I said, the Great Bambino. What are you talking about? The Hebrew Hammer, what? Never heard that once in my life.

Oh, Pornow Jesus likes the nickname Nine. Sure, that's a classic. It's a new classic. Just make me sick. Here's another one. They got it all wrong. They listed, as one of this is Brobibbel again, great athlete nicknames, according to Brobibbibal.

They listed a Dennis Rodman nickname as one of the greatest. But they went with Dennis the Menace? No, you idiots. Dennis Rodman was the worm. Yeah, I've never heard Dennis the Menace. And even if that was his nickname, that doesn't count. There was already a character called. You see what I'm saying?

Yeah. Yeah. They didn't even acknowledge the worm in this article. What's wrong with them? That's silly. That was a great nickname for Dennis Rodman. They effed it all up. Clyde the glide.

Roastmaster Jesus. Clyde the glide did not make the list. I'm sorry. What else is going on? Now, speaking more traditionally about baseball here real quick, the Milwaukee Brewers made a trade. They've got some good pitching already in Milwaukee. The article mentions that big Miss Orozky kid.

Yeah, but they're banged up, though. mentions a fella by the name of Brandon Woodruff. He's on the 60-day DL. They mention a some bitch by the name of Kyle Harrison. Okay. But you're right. Harrison and Woodruff have been injured lately. So they decided to make a deal.

They went after a well-known character, Lance McCullors Jr. the Brewers made a trade with the Houston Astros, and McCullors has done some wonderful things in his career, but he's also kind of banged up more often than not. But they went ahead and made that deal. And they also picked up a kid in that deal, too, named Colton Gordon, who actually has seen some major league time, too. So they got basically two major league pitchers in the deal.

Did someone just say something about a father's son, something. We were talking about powdered toastman. Thank you. Yes, Jim Tomey's son, powdered toastman's son. Okay, so the Milwaukee Brewers and Astros made this deal. The Astros in return get a minor league infielder, pardon me. That's not what he does. The Astros in return got a minor league outfielder named Jaden Fielder, the son of Prince Fielder,

the grandson of Cecil Fielder. Oh, man, you just aged me by about 20. years. F me running. The son of Prince Fielder and the grandson of Cecil. Man. Well, he's got the lineage, that's for sure. I should have married into that family. He's only 21.

He's in Class A baseball right now, so obviously there's some time for him to develop. Imagine if Cecil Fielder was your father-in-law. Boy, I bet you guys could clean out a couple of cases of beer on a Saturday night. All right, how about this time filler, void killer, Randy? And I have neglected. Oh, no, I have it right here. Fandual.com. They have put together a report on who they feel was the top big league player in every decade since 1930. The top big league player every decade. since 19 and 30

I doubt we're going to have too many arguments amongst us as we roll through the 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s but maybe as we advance on 1930s they say the best baseball player in the whole works was Lou Gehrig. Okay. 1940s, Ted Williams. Yes.

1950s, Mickey Mantle. Yeah. 1960s, Willie Mays. Yeah, Willie Mays. 1970s. Joe Morgan. I thought that was kind of an interesting answer. Or maybe a guy like Mike Schmidt?

How about Pete Rose? God, Pete Rose should be in there too. See, there you go. See, I knew we would go this way and that way. Joe Morgan was an unbelievable baseball player. I just was kind of surprised to see him named the greatest of the 70s. Yeah. Now, 1980s, they did give that title to Mike Schmidt.

Yeah. 1990s? Barry Bonds. Barry Bonds. Dana? Yeah, I was going to guess Bonds too. Cubby? I'm looking at the list.

I'm cheating, but Bonds. I thought maybe I would see Ken Griffey Jr. That was another name that popped into my mind. But Fanduil, they did hand that over to Barry Bonds. They said he was the best player of the 90s. Then don't you have to give him? it to him again in the 2000s? They did not.

Go ahead. 2000s. Best ball player in the 2000s up till the 2010 mark. I'll give you a hint. Big, big, big, right-handed hitter. McGuire? Not McGuire. Big right-handed hitter played in the National League.

Won a World Series or two along the way. Oh, first started his career in California. Now I'm forgetting. Albert Pujols. Oh, sure. Pool holes with the Cardinals. Give me the two teams that Poohoes played for now. I think Cardinals and Angels, I think.

Yeah, I thought that was it. Yeah. 2010s? Mike Trout has to be there. Yeah. And the 2020s, of course, go ahead again. Well, it's got to be show high. They say here this list is loaded with players who not only dominated statistically,

but also helped define their respective errors. Yeah. I'll go along with it. Yep, I agree. I mean, are there going to be any friggin? Well, not any. That's when it comes to the Midwest and the Northeast, are they going to have to cancel some baseball games here because of the smoke?

There's been some talk about that. And even the World Cup final in New Jersey on Sunday is kind of in jeopardy. I mean, they're sure they'll play it because they have to. Yeah, we're getting questions about events here. I know the USA Cup is postponed up in Blaine. Oh, it is. Okay, that was one of the questions that came in. you know, down south, out west, they're fine,

but here in the Midwest and northeast, this wildfire smoke, which is, is it effing crazy to look out the window right now, Randy? It is really crazy. Very dystopian. Yeah, last night was really bizarre. And it's not that you can see it, you can smell it. That's what's...

Hell, you can taste it. Yeah, you feel it. It's messing with me. And people have texted in and said that their bosses have just told them, you don't go home, people that work outdoors. Copies over here, coughing. and his eyes are watering up. My throat kind of hurts.

Yeah. It's so... I've never been bothered by this kind of thing before. I mean... There have been fires before up north, but nothing that has

blanketed this area with the residue smoke like this. This is pretty bad. We've seen a little bit of it over the last eight, ten years. This isn't the first time we've had the wildfire smoke

come afloating this way, but it just seems a little more heavy and a little more intense than ever before. So there's talk of maybe some Major League Baseball games in New York and Toronto. I suppose Toronto can close the lid. Boston possibly happen to take a couple of days off. You can't bet on things like this, but you can make a lot of money if you just wagered every year that the USA Cup would be the hottest, just most disgusting week of the summer.

It's like clockwork every year. True. I remember the one year they had us taking water breaks every 10 minutes because it was so just god awful up there. It's always late mid to late July. Yep. Yeah, I mean was it last weekend?

Yeah, I suppose this makes sense. Last Sunday, this past Sunday was the Hamill Rodeo parade. Hamill Rodeo is a huge event out in my neighborhood and Sunday they always have the parade on Hamill Road. That always seemed to me

as the hottest day of the year out there watching the Hamill Road. rodeo parade or the rodeo itself on the weekend. Yeah. It just seems like up there in Blaine. You hit that tournament every year when you were a kid. Absolutely. That was a lot of fun. We used to go out there. There's only one of us that played real soccer, but we used to go up there just because we thought we would fall in love. Yes. The chicks. We thought we would start up, Josh, a long-distance relationship with some Swedish girls. Why not? Yeah. But they were too stubborn. Way too stubborn for that.

Friggin' Swedes, man. That's where it started for me. Getting shot down at USA Cup. They were way too stubborn. Speaking of the weather, now, Drain, Sling, and Tampon Fingers Jesus, Randy Shaver. Yes. He's a guy you can trust. Sounds like it.

Drain, slinging tampon fingers, Jesus said yesterday up there in Dulute, the windy city, they had the worst air quality in the country. I'll bet. Yeah. People are texting in and how bad. A lot of people are saying kind of something similar, like a fireplace outside. Roastmaster Jesus said the smoke is causing some real havoc.

His wife told him she hasn't had a headache this bad since the last time he asked her for relations. Did he use the word relations? He did. Would you like to have some marital relations? No, I got a headache. This guy's even cleaner than Josh over here. He calls it relations.

Here's a listener who says, I've never been to Canada. He's never been to Canada, says, 6510 to 715 Jesus. He says, I've never been to Canada, but I was always curious what it smelled like. Now you know. It's something. Wow. Walking around out of doors or even looking out your window. Dystopian was a good word.

It kind of looks like if you're a religious person, it kind of looks like the big man upstairs is looking to shut things down for good. End of times. People are sending in photos from where they're at. It's nuts. tough day to send Dana out to that 35W overpass But you're real trooper for doing it, pal But Yeah, we're going to have them jog there

And back Come back to us with a report Okay, real quick, I don't know what this might mean To this friggin' Dillon Larkin soap opera For God's sake It's kind of like Lamello's ball At this point, if the Pigs land, Dillian, Larkin, this some bitch better be good.

I'm so tired of hearing about it. Steve Iserman, who was the GM with the Detroit Red Wings, and he's a red wing for life. If you're a hockey fan, you know Steve Iserman. Right, right. He's been a real dick about this Dillon Larkin deal. He's been saying, I'll trade you of my Larkin character if you give me Matt Boldie. That's kind of been his stance.

Steve Eiserman's been a real prick about this. And he's got the right to. He's running things. He abruptly quit that gig yesterday. Now, I don't know if that's going to benefit or hurt the pigs in this lifelong journey in attempting to land Dylan Larkin, whoever he is. But that's the deal. Some are saying this will help the pigs get the deal done. Others are saying, oh, no, the Red Wings are going to get a new GM,

and Larkin will want to stay there now. So I don't know. Take it however you like it. But Steve Eiserman, he's still going to work for the Red Wings. in some capacity, but he's no longer the GM. Take that however you like. Pretty unusual for a GM just to up and quit in the middle of something as important as negotiating a trade.

Does that lead you to believe that he's having some real problems with others in the organization? It does me, yeah. The other bosses are saying, hey, look, dude, let's get the deal done. And Eisenman's saying, hell no, I don't want to. Well, I mean, Eisenman, he's got, that deal made. define him as a general manager. So he's trying to get the best return as he possibly can.

Sometimes that's not necessarily a great player from another organization. Sometimes you've got to take chances on prospects, as we all know. Baseball is very big. Baseball trades are very big into prospects for players that you have to have the vision. Can they help you two years, three years, four years down the road? kind of a thing. Weird deal going on over there. Yeah.

And so we'll see. Can the Wild even afford Dylan Larkin if they sign Quinn use? Hell, I don't know, Randy Schaeber. Yeah, I don't even know if they can afford it. If Ashley's listening right now, Dr. Andrea is here. Dr. Andrea is here, and she needs to be led into the building. I don't know, Randy Schaeber. I don't follow the financial side of these things because it just gives me a headache.

I know. And I know a little bit about this Dylan. Larkin. I do. I mean, when the story first broke, I mean, I said to myself, yeah, I've heard of the guy. It wasn't as if my clothes all came off, right, when I heard Dylan Larkin. I'm aware of who he is. I know he's a solid centerman, this and that. But I mean, if it's, I think we covered this last time we talked about it. If it's a question of Larkin or Boldie, I'm keeping boldie. Yeah, that's a sorry. That doesn't, that doesn't interest me at all. Right, right. And, you know, Is it an even deal between both clubs?

I'm sure the Red Wings feel like it's an even deal, but I don't think the wild do. I mean, I know you... Obviously, the wild do not. Again, I know you need a center and all that. You know, kind of like the wolves have needed a point guard since Terrell Brandon, it seems. The pigs have needed a center since Miko Kovu left. But I don't like that as a...

I don't look at that as a fair trade. No. And there's probably other pieces to that too. Of course there would. You know, draft picks and maybe other players. Looking at it for face value. Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I don't know enough about Dylan Larkin. I admit, I don't know a hell of a lot about the guy, but we've watched Matt Boldie here, and I just don't think of that. A listener texted in, Josh, and he says this. So, you suckers, you're falling for this government-created smoke, huh? I never even considered that. You're falling for this. The government created the wildfires in order to blow the smoke over certain states that have certain political views.

Oh, I'll have to look that up. They're going after blue states, are they? Fascinated. It is. Is this true? Simon said that the smoke's so bad, he can hardly smell the meth heads when he drives through a no-ka? Oh my God.

I knew it was bad, but is that possible? It takes a lot to drown that smell out. I don't effing no, man. Maybe this was all the government. You know what? What if that person's right? Wouldn't that be a bummer? That would be a major issue. And then we always get these text messages when we're talking about the pigs.

If you're going to trade anybody, some people say, trade the Russian kid. Yeah, there's folks that want them gone. Well, how about we just don't trade boldie or the Russian kid? I like that idea. Let's figure out a different way to do this. All right, Randy Shaber, the Minnesota Lynx beat the Los Angeles Sparks by eight or nine points yesterday. That rookie Olivia Miles, 18 points in 26 minutes, and she rolled her ankle. Yep, she got her.

But it seems like it's going to be fine. I think they can afford to rest her for a couple of games and still be very, very much in the playoff picture. so it's not a big issue. Did you know today's our Friday, Randy? I do know that. Yeah, we got a big concert tonight. Yeah. None of us are tough enough to go to concerts anymore

and still wake up for work the next day. Are you coming, Randy? He's not going anywhere. Come on, Ashley. Don't ask questions. You know the answer to. Come on. Number one, I was not invited,

but number two, I am babysitting my grandkids tonight. So I am on duty tonight. Do you need a assistant? babysitter? You don't want to go, huh? Because I don't want to go. I'm kidding, of course. I'm looking forward. I'm looking forward to seeing... And this is down in... Shock the empathy. Yeah. Mystic leg. First, first time there. It's beautiful. I'm looking... I mean, I'm cool with Creed and the Bush and Don Montana and everyone that's playing tonight. But I'll tell you this. I'd go see anybody at this new joint. I'm really interested in seeing...

What's your obligation, Nick? What do you have to do? I think the four or five of us have to get up on stage and introduce the creeds. That is correct. Yes. We're going to say from Los Angeles, the creeds. Ladies and gentlemen, the creeds. Even though I don't think they're from Los Angeles.

No, they're from Florida, I believe. Remember that stage announcement I made? God dang it, Josh. I've only effed up a couple of them in my miserable career here. One of them was Blink 182. I forgot what their name was. No, some 41. Oh, sorry, sum.

I still can't. Sum 52. That was my favorite. We got up on stage and there was this group of 4 foot 11 inch tall punk rockers. They are tiny. The lead singer is like 4'10. They really look like they're in fourth grade. I said, what are we in Oz?

I didn't know who. We got up to introduce them. We had a few beers in us and someone whispered in my ear. Okay, these guys are called. What are they called? Sum 41. Some 41. Well, yeah, you asked me because you're like, all right, here they are.

And then you turned to me and asked. Someone whispered it to us before we approached the microphones. And then I got up on the microphone and I said, hope everyone's having a good time, this and that. Here they are. And I had to turn back to Josh. And I said, who the hell are these guys again? And Josh said some. The other one was at Medina Ballroom.

This was an opening band for Cinderella or Skid Row or something. I mean, I love those shows at Medina. And like Josh and I have covered before, they bring in all of our favorite 80s bands. and you guys know this, nine times out of ten, when you deal with the band's handlers, it's the worst point of your evening. For whatever reason, the band's managers are always such pompous dicks, and they're rude and they're pushy.

But in this particular case, this guy walks up to me and he was about the nicest some bitch I had met all day long. He was just a wonderful guy. he was the manager for the opening act. And I was in charge of introducing them too. And I had just such a great time talking to this guy. It was such a breath of fresh air. And he said, now remember, we are on Southern Records is the name of our,

and I'm making this up. I don't remember the specifics, but just to give me the gist. He said, my group has a contract with Southern Records, and we're called the Basketballs, right? And I said, you got it. You got it. And I went up on stage. And again, I was feeling so good about this interaction with this guy.

And I said, here they are, everybody, from Northern Records. The racket balls. And I walked off the stage. Boy, I nailed that. And I come off and here's the manager guy, this nice guy, had this disappointed look on his face. And I said, oh, no, what did I do? And he said, you said the exact opposite of what I just. Used to drink a lot back.

I did. At my last job, we had concerts all the time, and we landed a beer sponsor as a title sponsor. You know, like Duff Beer Presents. You can probably guess where this is going. So the boss is hammering us for weeks ahead of this big show. Remember, Duff Beer. Anytime you're standing somewhere, be holding a Duff Beer.

You take a photo, you have a Duff Beer in your hand. You're on stage. You pimp the hell out of Duff Beer. So I think he loaded our brains with it so much. I get up there and I go, Yeah, who's got a Schmidt's beer? Yeah. Where are my butt wiser people?

Right. And I look over to the left, like the main CEO and all the VIPs from the company were like right there. And I look over them, they just have this look at death on their face. And I walk off stage and my boss was like, wow, you really managed to F that up. Did you know right away or do you think, boy, I nailed that one. I knew right away. And then I tried to course correct and overcorrect by throwing duff beer out there so many times. Like, oh, I can't wait to get it. get off stage and go get some more duff beer.

At that point, you were done. Yeah, who's good. Yeah, who's miserable. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to

be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealky, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. suffer call bialke law today 763 571 2410 or go to bealkylaw.com that's b i a lk-k-e-law dot com and it spells relief for you jim rome takes on sports i will always have a complicated relationship with this game but people evolve so do sports do not make me regret this do not make me devolve back to that guy that so many clones wish that i still was and Do not embarrass the entire country. Now, I can go back.

I can get there fast. Lose tonight. And you got a real problem. Do not blow it. The Jim Rome Show podcast. You've been warned. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. It's Dr. Andrea.

Here to save you about $5,000 and answer your pet questions. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93X half-assed morning show. Here we go. Very happy. We're very happy to welcome our next guest back to the program. returning from another whirlwind trip across America, yet also still reeling from her brush with Grand Theft Auto.

Still driving a rental car. It's Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital, 651, 989, 93, if you have a question for our vet. Yeah, last time we had you in, you were telling us this unfortunate story of your vehicle being stolen. You're still driving a rental? Apparently there's like an auto, like a national auto back order on parts. Oh, no.

Yeah, it's a disaster. So you are going to keep that vehicle? I think I'm going to trade it in when it comes back. I mean, you guys wouldn't have believed it when you looked at it. It was pretty. Dirty Mike and the boys? Yeah. That's what I've heard that a lot of times that will happen.

You had a fancy rig stolen right out of your driveway. Yeah. And then the thieves drove around town in it and recorded themselves, put it up on Facebook. Smart. You got the vehicle back, but they had turned it into garbage. Yep. For a stretch of time, you were getting around on an e-scooter. Still am.

Sometimes I am. Not in this weather, but yeah. But welcome back to town. Thank you. You also, ignoring all the bad, you went off on a nice trip to Utah and had a good time. Yeah, my daughter played in a hockey tournament out there, and we got whooped by the Canadians. Friggin' Canadians. I hear it's beautiful country. It's beautiful.

That's what I hear. The friggin Canadians are always looking to ruin our good times. Nice people, but a couple crazy dads. I bet. I bet. So since you mentioned the weather, we are getting a lot of text saying, can I walk my dog in this? Is this bad to get the dogs outside? And somebody else along those lines

said, well, what about if I just take my dog to a pool? Is that okay? I mean, they can tolerate the weather, but the amount of appointments I've had in the past three weeks, people coming in and being like, something's wrong with my dog. My dog doesn't want to go for walks. I'm like, look at the weather. I mean, I don't want to go for a walk

right now. Right. So, I mean, they don't tolerate it well either, but they tolerate it better than we do. And I think air quality-wise, they're fine. Okay. Yeah. The dog can handle a little... Would you shorten a walk or maybe just because of the heat part?

Like early morning or at dusk and dawn. I wouldn't get your asthmatic cat out there. That's the one animal I would not get out there. Now, is this the liquor talking or did you explain this to us once about the heat levels coming off of pavement and whatnot? Yeah. Do you say something about put the back of your hand on the... I always do that. On the road or the sidewalk.

Yep. If it's too hot for the back of your hand, then it's too hot for your pets. Yeah. Like those paw pads will sluff. I see a lot of that this time of year. What does it mean to sluff? Like that skin will start to come off. They'll burn it on like tennis courts or pavement.

Yeah. But that's how they sweat too from their paw pads. So if they get overheated, spray some cold water or actually rubbing alcohol on their paw pads. That cools them down. Okay. It has been so brutal. It's horrible. The heat and now we got the smoke.

I mean, you're a runner. Yeah. Do you even go? Do you go out? Do you stay in to hit a treadmill instead? Yes, I will not go out. I would think that a lot of folks who just dropped dead. I saw a guy running on the way here outside. I'm like, what are you?

Yeah, I had a friend that ran 13 miles the other day. I was like, why do you do that to yourself? You know, in this neighborhood, he might have been running from the cops, Dr. Andrea. It's funny you say that, Josh, just last night about 10 o'clock before I jumped into bed, I stepped out onto my driveway, have a quick cigarette before bedtime. And some dude, I mean, the smoke was so thick last night. It was just amazing. It was crazy.

I could barely see the house next door. And some dude goes barreling through my neighborhood on a bicycle with a headlight on it. And I thought, this kid's going to pass out or something from the smoke. It dawned on me. He probably just stole somebody's car stereo or something. It must have been. Or it was my kid on an e-scooter. Well, yeah.

Because he wasn't, this wasn't like a fitness ride. This was like he was trying to get away from something. So maybe you're right. Maybe the guy that Andrea saw this morning was jogging away from his latest crime. Okay, 651, 989, 93 is the number if you want to ask our vet. What do we got going here right from the get-go? A pit bull with iris atrophy. What is that exactly?

So, you know, like the color part of your eye, the ring around your eye. So over time, as they get older, that iris starts to like, you can see through it. You see it in old cats too. Weird. and then it atrophies that it doesn't work as well so it doesn't constrict and dilate as well when you look into their eye you can kind of see a tunnel yeah well like the color is almost see through

you can like look through that so are they going blind in that eye sometimes they're more sensitive in the light because it won't constrict as well and so they might need doggles which are my favorite there's dog sunglasses yeah they're so cute that rules

yeah my old my old docks in Ozzy who lived nearly two decades. At the ass end of his life, he couldn't see Dick Tracy. And I believe it was, I don't think it was you, Dr. Andrew, or someone else from Gervyn Animal Hospital, hooked me up, Josh, with a pair of doggles that he was supposed to wear outdoors. I'm looking these up.

These rule. Yeah, that's so cool. Can you put, like, just your dog in if they don't need them just to look cool? I mean if they'll tolerate it. Yeah, maybe they, I got one dog, he'll tolerate it. This dachshund of mine, he was not crazy about his dog. Oh, really? But of course, because they're so adorable, we put them on his face as often as possible.

So anyway, the last question, maybe you already answered about this iris atrophy. Will she lose her sight? So not necessarily. Not with iris atrophy. But she might be more sensitive in light. Okay. Yeah. Freaking the spread sheets, Jesus, one of my favorite Jesus' names.

He's got a question about his very good boy, Hank. So he wants to know, is it really true you're not supposed to wake a sleeping dog because we think he's having nightmares and so if he is, we want to wake him so he stops having a nightmare, what's a safe way to do that? And a bonus question, what are dogs dreaming about?

I wish I knew. I wish I knew. No, don't wake him. A lot of times they're dreaming and they're like running. You see him like, and they're like yelping. It's one of my favorite things

about having a dog. I love that. I feel like, oh, they're having a great dream right now. I don't think it's necessarily a nightmare. One of ours gets kind of, it seems like he's upset. And so, like, we'll pet him. Is that bad to do?

We just kind of try and calm him down a little bit. No, I mean, it's a little bit risky sometimes. Like, if my kids, I'd be like, don't just leave him alone right now. Because if he is startled and wakes up and he's dreaming about something that he wants to attack, he might attack you instead of that. Yeah. I'll tell you, I know the last time we had this conversation, none of you's agreed with me. But when I've had dogs before that have very active dreams where they're kind of running in place,

I try to play my way into the dream. I'll like grab them really firmly on their leg or something to see how they react to it. I want to be a part of the dream. No one else plays that game? No. Definitely not. It's freaking hilarious.

You grab them by the face. And then you know that you're having an effect. Anyway, everyone's seen the video of that yellow lab that comes up out of a dead sleep and runs into a wall. And these are some of the best times you can have with a dog. Where are we going next? Okay, we already kind of covered the weather. and the heat and its effect on dogs.

You own chickens. Yeah. Oh. So now a listener wants to know as far as the heat and the smoke and everything, should I keep my chickens in the coop or in the run with plenty of water and food with a fan blowing on them? I have a large tarp to block out the sun. How would you handle the heat with the chickens? You know, it's sadly I went out this morning to let him out and one of mine was dead.

Oh, I'm sorry. I know. Do you think it's related? No, I think she was old and probably the heat just wiped her out. But I was so sad when I saw her out there. That's too bad. So I would not keep them confined. The coop gets real hot. Like if you have an area for them to roam and shade, that would be best.

Fans are good to, like, put in the coop. I have a friend who's putting, like, a fan inside the coop and just blowing it on them. And the biggest thing is water. Yeah. And actually, they love cold water. don't drink a ton of warm hot water. They won't drink it. All right.

Yeah. It's hard. I mean, they're farm animals, right? Yeah. Like, they're tough. Yeah, they're pretty tough. Yeah. Do they...

So I have a new friend and he's got some chickens. I have a new friend. A new friend. I got to hear about this. I went up to him in the playground. I said, you want to be friends? He said, yes, and now we're friends. When we have more time, I got to hear about you making this new friend.

A new friend, and he's got a wife who he's had for a while, but she's a new friend of mine. And they have a ton. I mean, they started with... They were gifted. a chicken. And now they have, I don't know, 20 chickens. But they come when they're called, which I had no idea. They're like pets in that way. And I found out there was one of them that she kind of, like her top feathers were gone and it looked kind of messed up on her back. Yeah. And they were telling me it's like violent chicken sex. Yeah. I didn't know that was

Oh my God. Do they have a rooster? They must have a rooster. Yeah, they have one, at least one that I saw there. So either it's mites, they're molting, or they're getting pecked or aggressively mounted. That's what they said. It's an aggressive mounting. I felt so bad for, but she seemed like she was in good spirits. It's weird because a lot of times when I walk into the coop, they like shrink down like they're going to get mounted. They're like ready. Oh, really?

Yeah. Here we go. Yeah. Like, no, don't worry. Not doing that. I got to see this happen. It's weird. Mites comes into play with our next text message.

We're talking with Andrea Johnson, Dr. Andrea Johnson from German Animal Hospital. Ear mites in a German shepherd. Wow. What should be done there? Yeah, so usually that's a cat thing. Do they have a cat? Well, it says here, oh, good question. The dog can catch it from the cat?

Typically, they're species specific, but some of them are not so they can transfer to the dog. Blackness in the ears, treated with medication. I clean them all the time, but it keeps coming back. And then the last part of the text says, what should I do? Is there another way to get rid of ear mites? Are we sure it's ear mites? That's the thing. It could be like a yeast infection in the ear.

It could be an ear infection. Those are horrible. Sometimes we'll use like a Q-tip swab and we'll look at the swab and you can see the mites. Oh, yucky. So I'm guessing it's probably more of an ear infection in a dog, especially German Shepherd. Okay. Yeah, get it checked out. Fair enough.

This person's lab is on anti-seizure medication. Seems like he has a lot of aggression, possibly from being on those meds. Is there anything else we should put him on? So he's not so aggressive toward people. Is that a possibility? The meds would make it. Depends on the meds. Like if it's phenobarbital, sometimes that can do it.

But a lot of seizure meds don't cause aggression. I'm on seizure meds and I maintain my composure. Yeah, I think you're pretty nice. Thank you. Yeah. I was warning the guys, though, I'm going to be on a new one here pretty soon or in addition to what I'm on. Yeah. And my neurologist had told me, she's like, don't be surprised if you throw up for the first two weeks.

That's so. I'm not pregnant, just to let everybody know, but I might be barfing the first couple weeks I'm on it. I'm really looking forward to that. I bet you are. I can't wait for that. Here we have a listener that's wondering, a listener with an interesting question. They ask, is that why Nick and Josh don't have any hair on their heads because they were aggressively mounted? You might be on to something.

Maybe years ago. It's been a while. What can I put on my dog's nose when it's dry and cracking? Yeah, I get that a lot. There's a product online you can buy on Amazon called nose butter. We've got some. Yeah. Or just like aquifer.

Why does that happen? It's just one of our dogs. The other one's fine. Yeah, so it's like your heel. Like some people have, you know, their heels crack and stuff like that. Yes, I know all about it. I can't even imagine. My feet are a total disaster.

Oh, man. Yes. Otherwise, they lick it if they have a long tongue and they like chap it or chape it. Nose butter. Yeah. It's cute. Sounds delicious. Yeah.

A Yorkie that's throwing up yellow stuff. Ugh. File. Is it in the middle of the night or early morning or before dinner? If that's the case, it might just have an empty tummy. Okay. We call it bilious vomiting syndrome. They vomit when they're hungry?

Well, they have like an empty stomach and all those gastric juices are just like sloshing around. It gets to be too much for them to. Yeah. So I say like multiple, small multiple feedings. Okay. That will help. Yorkie, puking up yellow stuff. And then this guy claims that his yorky is cuter than mine.

What are you out of your nuts? Another medication question. My dog is on meds for hyperthyroidism. Hypo? Hyper. H-Y-P-E-R, they said? Wow. I don't know.

Is that, what's the difference? Usually dogs are hypo, meaning they don't have thyroid hormone and cats are hyper, where they have too much thyroid. Maybe they mixed it up. Yeah, I guess I'm not sure. Since starting meds, he's been licking his front paws to the point they are soggy. Is the dose too high? I doubt it's the meds.

It's probably allergy season. That's my guess. We're in a tough season with allergies. I mean, this weather has been nasty. It's cute when an animal sneezes. I don't know why. I love it. What's your favorite animal sneeze?

Well, probably that tiger we had in studio. We ran many, many years ago. I would never fly now, obviously. A tiger? Yeah, right. I know. I missed the tiger. It was dumb.

I thought it was awesome. Local magician, he had a tiger, and he brought it in studio. Holy smokes. And it was very tiger-y. There's no reason why we got within 100 yards of that damn thing. Yeah, it's crazy. Like in this size of room? Smaller.

Smaller and worse. It was our old building, Gold Valley. It was so foolish of us. But yes, a magician. Huge, as you can imagine. You've seen a tiger. It's gigantic. And so he was sitting there.

We're taking pictures with this tiger. he sneezed and I think we all ended up in Coon Rapids in about five minutes. We ran so far because it was just like the most intimidating sneeze I've ever been a part of. And Nick sneezes intimidatingly. I sneeze even harder than that tiger, but yet it was a tiger. So we ran for our lives. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that was foolish.

Yeah. That's like a news story. We should have been killed. Waiting to happen. Yes, it was. I should look and see if I have photos of it. Two scrawny underpaid radio personalities torn to shreds by. Back then they would have loved.

And that thing looked hungry, too. It didn't look terribly well-fed. Was it on a leash? Yes, on some kind of a chain. And walked in. Yep. That's nuts. Yeah, I don't know what we were doing.

It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93X-Hap-Hast morning show. Yeah, we continue on with our guest, Dr. Andrea Johnston, from German Animal Hospital. She told us a terrible story earlier. She woke up one of these days. That doesn't make any sense. She woke up this morning and one of her chickens was dead. I know.

I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks. It leads to a text message here from Brewers and High Life Jesus. He says, will Dr. Andrea's dead chicken be served at our next broced out cancer event? You don't want that. We welcome you to join us, Dr. Andrea. Friday, July 31st at the Wise at Allegiance. I know you duck in there from time to time.

Yeah, I love it there. We'd love for you to join us at our broost out cancer event. All profits benefit the Randy Shaver Cancer and Community Fund, advancing cancer research and patient care in Minnesota. So it's Friday the 31st. It is a buffet dinner served from 530 to 8 p.m. There'll be a 50-50 split the pot raffle. There'll be a silent auction.

20 bucks gets you in. You get the all-you-can-eat-chicken with a baked potato and the coleslaw. It's wonderful. Go to 93x.com. Click on calendar. Click on station events. you can get yourself a ticket. A little update here, Cubby.

Listeners have been donating auctions to the silent... Donating items to the silent auction. Oh, cool. Anything that stands out? Well, you tell me, how about an autographed pair of Kyle Rudolph football cleats? Hey, I'd be interested in that.

Why not? A few years ago, we had... Game worn? Good question. I guess we'll find out at the event. Years ago, there was a pair of autographed sneakers worn in a game by former Timberwolf Nikola Peckovich. Oh, wow.

Those are big shoes. They've got some great wildlife photography stuff that listeners are donating these items, and we appreciate it. Awesome. Gift baskets and things like that, Lone Oak Farms, Barbecue sauce. So if you want to donate something to our silent auction, you can also do that when you click on 93x.com.

We'd love to have you there, Andrea. Yeah. As long as you're cool with me e-scootering there, I'll be there. That would be the cutest damn thing. Beep, beep. I bet we'd see all night. That'd be fun. Was you rolling up in the parking lot?

And you can't get a D-dub on an e-scooter. Definitely not. No, hell no. Okay. Thanks for letting me get that out of the way. Further questions from our listeners to Andrea. Oh, this is really interesting. A guy says he took his 10-year-old lab in for teeth cleaning,

removed three of them. And then he came out of the joint with one of his rear legs not working as well as it was when he went in. That's odd. That sounds kind of shady. Yeah. Huh. Any thoughts on that? Well, I guess maybe...

Like a stress-related injury, maybe? Yeah. I mean, sometimes you give, like, pain meds injections and maybe a nerve was hit. Sometimes that can happen. That's freaking brilliant. The dog needed vaccines at the time, and you hit the sciatic nerve. That's odd. I don't know.

That's tough. Hopefully it gets better. You ever gone into the doctor's office, Josh, and came out of there with a limb? Yeah, a couple times. You got any memory of what happened there? I wasn't going to pay my bill. Security took me out. They're very aggressive about Bill Paying.

This person says, why does my kitty jump up on the couch and bite at my feet? Is it a sign of aggression or does it like the taste of my sweet little piggies? I think it's a sign of aggression. Not your piggies. They don't like eating the piggies. That would be obnoxious. You know, cats are weird like that. You know, you're petting him one minute.

and then they'd whip back and bite you. Yeah, I don't understand that. They're just goofy like that. They get overstimulated. Yeah, they get hyper. Why I don't trust them. How many times have you had to tell your dog, hey, hands are not toys? Yeah.

I've had dogs over the years that like to treat your hands like it's a chew toy. No, no, no. They just get hyped up. You guys, one of my technicians, her cat was vomiting. We took an x-ray and found a foreign body in there. So I went, this was a couple weeks ago. I went in and opened the cat up, and I could feel the material in the stomach, and I opened up the stomach, and I'm like, oh, it's like a little toy mouse came out.

And then I felt, I'm like, oh, here's another one. Here's another one. I pulled out six toy mice from this cat's stomach. Oh, my gosh. And it still had, like, the little ears in the tail. Sure, the toy mouse was still intact. All six of them. How is it gutting that thing whole?

I know. It just swallowed it whole. Jesus. Cats are just so tough. They are. They're interesting. I think the neighborhood cat, he left a mouse for us yesterday. It was pretty nasty right on the sidewalk there.

My wife's the house up her. Those are the best kitties, the ones that are mousers. They are. I was telling you, you guys saw that when you were at my house. I think he does it to piss my dogs off. He'll just go up to the window and be like, what are you going to do? You know, my dogs go nuts. But then he'll just sleep on our stoop.

He loves coming over and just laying out in front of the dog. I love a cat that'll bring you a critter now and again. Here is a listener with a five-year-old male lab poodle mix. And interesting. He says the dog is seeing things and looking for things that aren't there. He runs around the house looking for things that aren't there. Yeah, I get his liver values checked out. Make sure that there's no liver disease.

Sometimes they'll get neurologic and weird like that or flybite. Like they pretend they're like trying to bite something in the air. Oh, really? Yeah, that's, I get that dog checked out. Like a damn hallucination. Make sure your house isn't haunted too. Or that. Oh, yeah.

Always a possibility. You're right, Ash. It's definitely a haunted house. That sounds like the old Ashley, kind of hallucinating, not sure what the hell's going on. That was the pre-baby, Ashley. She's responsible now. You were our radio station hallucinator. You acted like that now and again.

Sloppy Jesus said, my dog loves to eat tall grass and not to throw up. What's up with that? Yeah, my dog does that too. So sometimes if their stomach is upset, that's the way they'll get themselves to vomit. Sometimes that grass, they just like the taste of it. It's harmless unless they're eating like clumps and clumps and clumps of it. Yeah, my dogs go crazy for some grass. Yeah.

All bad, just like mama. The cow. Well, old mama, not current mama. Only natural. We've had a couple of conversations this morning with Dr. Andrea about the heat and the air quality and the effect it might have on a pet. Here's another that sort of goes that angle. Is it true, a listener says, that your dog jumping into a lake doesn't actually cool them down?

They mentioned something about the water seals the fur and it doesn't allow their skin to breathe. Is there any truth to that? No, it still cools them off. Yeah, their paw pads get cool. Yeah, still cools them off. Here's someone that said their cat caught and killed a bat yesterday. Should I be concerned? Yes.

You should? 100%. I mean, if you still have a cat. have the bat, carefully drive it to the U of M, and they will test it for rabies. Make sure you're a dog gets a booster of a rabies vaccine, so call your vet. I'd imagine it'd be like a today thing, right? Yeah, uh-huh. I would.

I mean, believe it or not, a lot of bats don't carry rabies. Skunks are actually the worst in Minnesota, but I would still, if you have that bat, get it tested for rabies, and then you don't have to worry about it. I always heard that if you wake up and there's a bat in your house, you should assume that you've been bitten by the bat. Their bite is smaller than a mosquito bite. I got into a huge argument with my husband the other day. He's like, I would feel that.

And I'm like, I'm telling you, you would not. We used to get them all the time. And now I'm wondering if. You had a chimney where I grew up, there was a ton of bats up for whatever reason. Right in the city. We used to get them all the time. I never even thought of that. You're half bad.

You're still here. Yeah, Josh. Maybe I'm super, like I am patient, or what would it be called the person that's immune to it? I mean, I'm Batman. It's like 100% fatal. You should see if you could fly. Okay, I'm not Batman. Josh, I had the same experience growing up in my folks' place, and now I'm wondering, did you and I, did we raw dog rabies?

I wonder. Maybe we are carrying a cure. Did we both get bitten? Yeah. Real quick before we go, because our time's up. Um, no. What kind of drugs can a guy give his dog who shakes in the car from the time you put them in there until they reach their destination to some bitch just trembles.

Doggy Prozac? Well, kind of. Trazodone. I use a lot of tracidone for that. Yeah, we use trazidone like crazy in my household. If you want to try something at home, you can try Benadryl, but that's not going to cut it if that dog's freaking out in the car. You know what's funny about that tracadone is you have to find your dog's sweet spot.

Yep. The cocktail. Half a pill didn't work for my dog. We tried one pill. Didn't really seem to do much. So we were like, all right, screw it, do two. Two was too many. Pooped on the floor.

Very nervous. There's a happy medium in there somewhere. Is it just based on weight or something? I mean, how they metabolize it, you know, weight, how nervous they get. If they're already nervous when you give it to them, it won't work, you know. Well, I'll be. Oh, God. Wait, what if your dog is just, like, constantly nervous?

That's when you have to. giving them Prozac every day. Oh, okay. You have a lot of nervous dogs, don't you? I got a few. It's a reflection, I think, of its owner. I think it is. They feed off of me.

Why are you always so stressed out? We got to get going. It's a long scooter ride back to Minnetonka. It might not make it with this air quality. It's thick out there. That's for sure. It's got to slow you down a little bit. Thanks, everyone for texting.

You're always a hit around here, Dr. Andrea. We have to thank the people who text and we're unable to get because you're so popular. Thanks for everything. Yeah, thank you. We'll see you in a couple of weeks. Sounds good. Hopefully we get to see some folks tonight at the Creed Show. Mystic Lake Amphitheater out there in Shokopi.

We'll be there. Please say hello if you make it out as well. But before we go, today is our Friday. A couple shoutouts. Electrostatic paint. I forgot. Yeah, Painter Jesus text in a shout out to what he calls Dirty Prescott Kids having a concert on the St. Croix River this Saturday in the Prescott Bay.

Raging on the River, too. Going to be a hell of a time. Dude, the Dirty Prescott Kids. Chaos coordinator, Sheezis, looking for a shout up for her kids, Isaac and Nevada, showing animals at the county fair. Happy birthday to Nikki Sheezis from the Soggy Doggy Cantina. And happy birthday to Camden, who's turning the big 05 today. 93X. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

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